#I want my points but it's not like it would impact my grade that much

[chronomally]

Entering cunt mode

[kurocatsstuff]

11:55 : reincarnation.

genre : angst, suggested suicide, hallucinations, Scaramouche x reader, GN reader

notes : I got bored, consider this my apology for not updating on the magical girl AU I did :3

You’d never really resorted to anything in life, your grades were average at best, the only talent you ever had was drawing yet you couldn’t improve, your envy and self esteem dragged you to the ground, and you were always alone. No matter how much you hated it you were alone.

You were blessed to be having the friend you do have, Scaramouche. Yet you were scared to talk to him in the public because you knew he was too good to be true. Beautiful, smart, cold yet soft to you, your exact type. And that’s how you always knew he was just an hallucination, because he was fictional, Scaramouche from Genshin Impact.. as your real life friend? How stupid you would sound if you said that.

Holding his hand, comforting silence, intimate situations. All that you’ve experienced is just a wall blocking the loneliness that ate you alive. Just a reflection of what you want.

—————

11:34 PM, you were at the playground, sitting on the swings with Scaramouche to your right.

The cold breeze embraced you as you shivered in response, your coat and red scarf helping you through it.. turning to Scaramouche, you saw that he was looking through your sketch book.

“..Is this me?” He pointed towards the unfinished sketch as he tilted the page towards you so you could see it. “Yes, that’s you.” You answered in a quiet tone, you were a bit nervous to talk to him. Even when it was night, everyone was sleeping other than the few teenagers that smoked in the nearby alleyway.

Scaramouche smiled softly, a smile only you could see in a literal way. “It’s nice.” He mumbled, a soft blush on his face as he looked at it. You nodded in response. “Why don’t you finish any of your drawing anymore? You’re only sketching nowadays without finishing it like you used to.” You gently swing, while he was unmoving.

“Because it’s just wasting time.” Right, just wasting time… coloring and shading, completing your drawings either traditionally or digitally it was rare for you to do. Honestly you didn’t see a point in it anymore, you’ll just disappoint yourself again. And it won’t change, you couldn’t improve no matter how hard you tried.

“You should try at least, it’s nice to have a finished piece.” He wouldn’t know what it would be like, he’s not an artist, he’s not human either, he’s not even real. “..hey Scara?” You called out his name.

“What?”

“Do you believe in reincarnation.. like, to another world once you die?” He wouldn’t die, but it would be nice to ask. What does Scaramouche think about reincarnation?

“Maybe.”

“Do you think I could meet the real you if I get reincarnated?”

“I am real.”

“No, you’re not.”

[writingwithfolklore]

How to Translate Feedback

              Beta readers are awesome because they see the work strictly from a reader’s perspective. However, this also means that their notes sometimes require a little interpreting to understand how it impacts the craft—translating, one could say.

Every interpretation of a piece is valuable, and often what your readers assume about things, what questions they have, and what they guess comes next is very telling for the messages your piece is delivering and how effective your lines are working together. Let’s get into some common comments you might receive:

“I was confused about this line…”

              Even if the line is explained in the next paragraph, or even the next sentence, don’t disregard this feedback. A confusing line is going to stop up readers, interrupting their mental image of the scene and sometimes concentration on the story. Confusion around a line tends to mean there isn’t enough context to make it feel seamless, or like it fits where it is. You shouldn’t have to be playing catch up with your descriptions.

              Take for example a story I wrote when I was in fourth grade (yes, literally):

Tracy took off her coat as she entered her cabin. She crept across the floor very silently. If she was too loud, she’d wake the howler monkeys and never be able to get to sleep!

              Notice how there’s no context provided for why she’s trying to be quiet, so you kind of get caught up on that line. I would fix it like this:

              Tracy took off her coat as she entered her cabin, eyeing the sleeping monkeys out of her window cautiously. She crept across the floor… etc.

              Now we have context, it reads a lot more seamlessly.

(If they guess something is coming that isn’t)

              This one hurts because I hate feeling like I’m letting down my readers, and an excited “ooh is this foreshadowing??” for something that definitely isn’t coming back up again feels like exactly that. Usually, when a reader guesses at a plot point or character detail that isn’t true or isn’t going to come back up again, it means you drew too much attention to it, making it seem more important than it is.

              I tend to take out the description of the thing, or adjust it so it points less heavily towards one thing and points more towards another. While yes, readers can make incorrect guesses all the time, it’s important to pay attention to where their expectations are being raised—both in the correct places and incorrect ones. Too many disappointments, and your story may leave a sour aftertaste.

“This feels out of character/I don’t understand the motivation”

              When writers get this note, they tend to want to add a paragraph explaining from the character’s POV why they’re doing what they’re doing. Unfortunately, all the explanation in the world isn’t going to fix something that feels out of character or out of the norm. This might mean that you’re trying to force a scene or plot point that doesn’t fit, or that the circumstances aren’t extreme enough to justify your character acting out of sorts.

              Try ramping up the stakes or intensity if a character has to make a tough decision that might seem unlike them—usually a time limit or ticking clock helps here. If you’re only using internal motivation, try adding an external force pushing them towards action (or vice versa).

              If all else fails, consider how you can progress the plot in a different way that’s more in-character.

Shoot me some more common notes you get and maybe we'll do a part 2 :-)

[mitsuristoleme]

I just saw your requests are open so I might as well jump in BECAUSE SKDNDNSN ok buttttt what about sukuna + his tummy having a mind of its own BEFORE you were their wife, like, you know nothing about this man but everytime you come in sigh you hear the most direct cat calling you've come across only to see a man with an expression of "God kill me now" so you don't know what's happening but it makes you really curious so you just... Provoke him? Like, use revealing clothing, put on an expensive perfume, etc. AAAH I Just love that hc of his stomach mouth having a mind of its own istg aaaa

a/n: ok so im gonna write this in a modern au because lets be real heian era Sukuna did NOT care about dating/courting

formatted into a bullet point headcannon post because im having way too much fun with this and nothing is connected in a cohesive form (pls forgive me for that but my brain is going ham with this concept)

cw: gn!reader, cursing, sexual content, bestie!gojo, Sukuna’s tummy mouth is a menace but wbk

imagine you’re a teacher at jujutsu high and a special grade sorcerer (because i enjoy feeling strong and this is a little self indulgent) (yall can choose if you want to be gojo’s classmate or nanami’s it doesn’t really impact anything)

Sukuna gets reincarnated without a vessel (dont ask me how it just happens ok) and to everyone’s surprise, he volunteers to be an instructor at jujutsu high

he says its to “make these pathetic kids somewhat decent sorcerers so they dont ruin the name of jujutsu”

for whatever reason, the higher ups assign him a spot among the teachers at the school

imagine your shock when this 1000 year old 7 foot tall motherfucker shows in the middle of your class to introduce himself as the new teacher

you’d heard about his whole situation but you didn’t expect him to show up in the middle of a lesson

you attempt to shoo him away but he doesn’t even move (i mean what did you expect really?) and you’re forced to end class early

weirdly enough he keeps a hand clamped over his stomach the entire exchange?? you chalk it down to a stomach ache or something (that night you do wonder if curses, or er, the king of curses, even get physical pains)

ok so before i get into the whole thing lemme just-

in my head, the tummy mouth has the humour of a middle school boy and the self control of the dog from ‘absolutely anything’

so yk. its a mess.

you see him the next day in the staff room

hes wearing a starched white shirt (it accommodates all his four arms and you question how he got one made in a single day) and a pair of fitted slacks, looking WAY too good for a curse

you realise you’ve been staring through the glass window if the staff room and finally enter

only to be greeted by a LOUD wolf whistle followed by a “OOOOH HEY HOT THANG” in the deepest, raspiest, most demonic ass voice you’ve ever heard

sukuna looks like he wants to kill himself.

he gets up and leaves the room immediately

you hear the a faint “NO GO BACK AND FLIRT WITH THEM YOU WIMP ASS HOE” in the same demonic voice as he stalks away

and you’re standing there

wondering what the actual fuck just happened

did you just experience harassment in your workplace?? but his mouth never even moved???

Gojo enters the staff room right after Sukuna vanishes and you IMMEDIATELY fill him in on whatever happened in hopes that he would have any explanation

hes confused, curious and amused all the same time

this doesnt mean hes of any help though

no, the piece if shit just laughs at you and goes off to terrorise the first years take class

before leaving he very unhelpfully reminds you that you have to share classes with Sukuna today

you enter the classroom a couple minutes before the students (you literally have 4 students and one of them is a panda god knows what the point of 2 teachers for such a small class is) and find Sukuna already in the room, leaning back on the chair, his legs resting on the table, eyes closed

once again

looking WAY too fine

just as you internally celebrate that nothing weird happened THE SAME OLD DEMONIC VOICE booms a “DAMN BABY YOU LOOK FINE, CMON LEMME TAKE YA HOME”

“wha- I- Eh??? I’m sorry what the fuhck?!?” you sputter, eyes wide

Sukuna has leaped up from his chair, a mixture of embarrassment and murderous rage on his face

he hisses a “shut the fuck up” in the vague direction of his abdomen before turning to you and apologising

“i am so sorry,” he says sheepishly “i owe you an explanation at the very least after two incidents”

“OI DONT APOLOGISE ASK THEM OUT THEY’RE HOT AND I KNOW YOU THINK SO TOO”

“I WILL LITERALLY FUCKING SEW YOU SHUT IF YOU DONT STAY FUCKING QUIET”

and once again. you’re standing there. shook.

Sukuna turns to you again with an expression that clearly says ‘Gods please strike me down right now’ and asks if you know about him having multiple body parts

you’ve heard of the legends and stories: four eyes, four arms and mouths he can will to appear wherever he wants, so you nod

“Well it just so happens that the mouth on my stomach is sentient, and extremely vulgar. Although i’m sure you noticed the latter.”

his voice is a wonderful contrast to that of his tummy mouth

deep, melodic and smooth

he just got even more attractive.

fuck.

you realise you haven’t given him a response and nod dumbly muttering out a quick “uh-huh”

thankfully the students enter at that moment saving you from any awkwardness

what you have recently come to identify as Sukuna’s tummy mouth stays blissfully quiet throughout the class and shockingly enough the silence on the belly front continues throughout the day as you discuss lesson plans with your ridiculously hot coworker

that night as you’re getting ready for bed, you remember the exchange between Sukuna and his appendage (specifically the part about Sukuna thinking you’re hot) and a mischievous idea forms in your brain (hey gojo satoru’s influence was bound to kick in at some point)

the next day you leave the top few buttons of your work shirt undone and put on some of the pheromone perfume you got as a gag gift in an (what you presume to be potentially successful) effort to rile Sukuna up (lets be real you think hes pretty damn hot too)

clap yourself on the back for that one bestie because the second you enter the staff room, Sukuna’s eyes nearly bulge out of his skull and the tummy mouth starts BARKING

and drooling apparently (how do you know? well maybe because the front of sukuna’s pristine white dress shirt is now sopping wet)

“WIFE THEM UP I SWEAR TO-“

the sound of a coffee cup shattering interrupts whatever was gonna come after that

you’re met with Nanami’s incredibly unimpressed gaze

without saying anything he leaves the room, muttering, “its too early for whatever the fuck this is”

well.

that happened.

yall get together eventually

gojo tells you “i knew you wanted to fuck him”

before you can come up with any sort of response, your boyfriend’s stomach pipes in with a “OH HE DEFINITELY WANTED TO FUCK THEM”

this is your life now.

good luck.

a/n: HI IM HERE TOO THIS TIME!! i left the ‘getting together part kinda up to interpretation because im shit at writing the ‘getting together’ arcs but we’re gonna pretend like it was because i want you to be able to go wild with whatever you want

please dont copy or repost my work without my permission

comments and reblogs are appreciated

check out my masterlist

dividers by @/vanillekiss

[jils-things]

I would never fall in love again until I found her

I said, "I would never fall unless it's you I fall into"

I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her

I found you

[3.25.23]

ouueeehh we're back to my corny love letters like last time 💜 again absolutely NO pressure reading these, because it WILL get lengthy 💜 this also serves as a personal love letter that i can archive!

ahh, steven st.one. a wild card in my f/o list. i never thought i'd find myself to like him... i've always tried my best to avoid the pretty boy design after i've gotten older which is why i was oddly in denial during my early steven days hehe... the earliest memory i have of him is just me battling him in my ruby emulator back in the 4th grade - but i don't think i actually remembered him too well, i only thought he looked like a silly anime version of the classical composer be.ethoven and tbh, i still like to think he does look like him in the rse style lolll 💜

for the whole, actual story - it was just last year - i was reading the r/s arc, of course. it was one of those days in school where i had nothing much to do and snuck my phone to read manga to pass some time. at some point, my classmate joined to read with me - it was at this moment where steven debuts properly and it caught my classmate by Surprise. she thought he looked very handsome! to which i teased her... strangely enough, this exchange impacted me? maybe it's because someone acknowledged what i was doing and even bothered to briefly read along with me - so in a way steven kinda bookmarked that memory.

so after that exchange, i just kept on reading. everytime he had something to say, i couldn't help but just stare at his face? he looked nice, i guess? he's also very gentle and polite... i kept this thought of mine for quite sometime until i was discussing the manga arc with my p.okespe mutual and he mentioned him. i somewhat confessed he looked nice and that was the biggest mistake i've ever done because what my friend did after was absolutely blow me with art after art of the pretty rock collector and i was STRUGGLING. it ultimately came down to this one cute panel in the o.ras chapter where he was blushing and I wasn't the same person since then 🚶🚶🚶and funnily enough, i told myself I wasn't going to fall for anyone because of the manga and whoopedoo p.okespe!steven my beloved the greatest man ever. i mean i love the game counterpart as well, they're nearly identical - it's just the manga that totally swept me... sighhhh

steven is such a nice character to begin with, he's honestly a very humble and nice champion. he's not showy about his identity and would rather be alone by himself to indulge in what he wants. he is willing to give up a very respectable position in the po.kemon league just to pursue his interests and with that i see a man not after power and fame but a man who just wants to find joy in what he does even if it demotes him. on top of that, he's just a sweet gentleman. he was raised well of course, and you can see it clearly in his acts in the story. i love him very much for that and who wouldn't want those traits?

i was really absolutely embarrassed to be all over this guy at first - it took a whole month for me to actually share to my blog about how i liked steven and took awhile to adjust to that fact that i opened up about it 😭 but the community was very kind and supportive about the pairing and if i'm being honest, i think stevaide made a super lasting impact on my blog recently and it's really so comforting to picture them as a young loving married couple with ruby. it made me feel unashamed with what i can do with my silly ships. i'm still very glad for the endless support for steven and jaide.

soo, yes. happy memoryshipping 💜💚 thank you for making my times of struggle more bearable if not perfect and thank you to everyone who enjoys this ship even if it was just a little bit :]

credits to @/cafekitsune <3

[jimhines]

2022 Writing Income

It’s that time again – for fifteen years now I’ve been writing an annual blog post about my income as a writer. Money tends to be an uncomfortable, even taboo topic, but I think it’s important to help counter the myths that we’re all multimillionaires living in Glass Onion-style mansions. (Side note: If anyone wants to pay millions of dollars for my book, I’ll happily update this blog post from my private island mansion.)

Remember, every writer’s career is different, and I’m only one data point.

Prior Years: Here are the annual write-ups going back to 2007: 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021.

In 2016, instead of a personal income write-up, I did a survey of almost 400 novelists about their income.

My Background: I’m a primarily “traditionally published,” U.S.-based SF/F author with 15 books in print from major New York publishers. The first of those books came out from DAW in 2006. I have an agent, and have been with them since about 2004.

I’ve self-published a middle grade fantasy and a few short collections. I’ve also sold about 50 short stories to different magazines and anthologies.

I’ve never hit the NYT or USA Today bestseller lists.

I’m currently the sole parent of a teenager (at home) and a 22-year-old (at college). I have a day job that’s just over half-time, both for the paycheck and the benefits.

2022 in Summary: There’s no gentle way to say this. The last several years have kind of sucked. Losing my wife to cancer in 2019 completely derailed my writing. I was hoping 2022 would be a comeback year, but life had other plans…

I did write and sell two new short stories and one nonfiction piece, which was nice. I’ve got a finished middle grade book that’s been on submission for a while. I finished a standalone fantasy that’s been sitting with my publisher for a while.

Normally, my editor is pretty quick about responding, but last year wasn’t normal for DAW, either. DAW was acquired by Astra House. A lot of their time and energy went into that deal. I’m hoping for the best, but things still haven’t settled into the new “normal.”

Last year did see the release — finally — of Terminal Peace, the third book in the Janitors of the Post-Apocalypse series. I’m thrilled and relieved to see that book in print, but it came out right in the middle of the Astra House acquisition, which may have impacted things like promotion and publicity.

I also finished the first draft and started revising a new standalone middle grade fantasy with series potential.

2022 Income: The biggest check was the publication payment for Terminal Peace. All total, before taxes and various expenses, the writing brought in $13,957.16. While that’s absolutely nothing to sneer at, and I’m grateful for the success, it’s also a dropoff from the past couple of years. To be blunt, if you look at the cumulative graph, things have been slumping a bit.

Income Breakdown:

Patreon has been a small but steady and helpful source of income. My thanks to everyone for that!

As usual, my U.S. novels are the biggest piece of the pie. The short fiction category is a bit higher this year, thanks to those two new stories. I didn’t self-publish anything new in 2022, but if that middle grade book doesn’t sell, I’d like to publish that one later this year.

Novels (U.S. editions): $8,542.83

Novels (Non-U.S. editions): $473.25

Self-Published: $1158.24

Short fiction: $892.86

Audio: $521.04

Patreon: $1668.94

Other: $700

I mentioned earlier that things have been in a bit of a slump, and I need to focus on breaking out of that. Some things I can’t currently control. Tomorrow I could wake up to an offer from DAW on the book they’ve got, and maybe an email from my agent that the middle grade title he’s been shopping around went to auction and got a six-figure advance. But I can’t make these things happen.

Priority #1 is to keep writing. If I’m not doing that, other goals are pretty much moot.

Priority #2 is to figure out some alternate options. It may be time to put more time and effort into self-publishing as a complement to my traditionally published work.

The biggest thing making me anxious is that I’m pretty much out of contract. The paperback of Terminal Peace comes out this year, but for the first time in about 15 years, I don’t have the security, the luxury, or the deadlines of a signed contract. In some ways, this is freeing: I can write whatever I want. But there’s no guarantee as to when things will see print. Submitting to the traditional publishers is a long, slow process…

From talking to other writers who’ve been doing this a while, I’ve learned that pretty much every career has its ups and downs. Personal, pandemic, and publisher issues have been a bit of a perfect storm for me these past few years, but I’m not going anywhere. After 27 years as a writer, I’m excited to see what comes next.

Wrap Up:

I hope this has been helpful. As always, feel free to share the post and/or ask questions.

[book-place]

A Brothers Job

Warnings: mentions of John and hunting, violence/ fighting, slight cursing, mentions of blood,let me know if I missed any :)

Pairings: Dean Winchester x sister reader, Sam Winchester x sister reader

*not my gif*

Summary: Your brothers are always there to protect you, no matter what, no questions asked

A/N: This may or may not have been inspired from a scene in Avatar 2 that I thought of while watching it

Please don’t plagiarize my work, you may reblog if you like but I’m asking that you don’t steal my hard work

Another day, another school.

That’s what you had been forced to get used to with your father being a hunter and your elder brothers following right behind him in his footsteps.

For every school you’d been to, you had made new friends, found new things that you loved to do, only to be forced to pack up and move once again as soon as the hunt was over with no consideration whatsoever for what you wanted or needed.

You shuffled through the hallway, head hung low and books clutched tightly to your chest as you tried to make your way to your next class without running into any of the students that had taken it upon themselves to make your time there a living hell. There were always bullies at your past schools, but for some reason, the ones here were ten times worse.

Of course, you never told either of your brothers because you knew they would throw a fit and then get into trouble with your father when they found out. And that would not be pretty for any of you.

All of a sudden, something hard pushed into your shoulder, causing your eyes to go wide and your arms spread out to the sides as you stumbled back, books flying every which way.

Derek, a guy from Dean's grade who had seemed particularly fond of picking on you, sneered down at you and reached out an arm to push against your shoulder, slamming your backwards into a locker, “Watch where you’re going, freak!” He jeered.

Behind him, a group of his friends laughed loudly, pointing at you as quickly reddening in the face from embarrassment as other students stopped in the halls to see what was happening.

You didn’t respond to his comment as you winced slightly from the impact of your back against the rusted metal and quickly bent down to try and pick up your materials. You wanted nothing more than to get out of there and get to class as fast as you could without any more confrontation.

“Hey,” Derek curled his lip in disgust as he peered down his nose at you, reeling his foot back before sending it straight to your ribs, “I was talking to you.”

A small yelp left your lips as his shoe connected and you fell to the side with a groan, rolling slightly as you held onto your surely bruised body.

“What the-“ Sam froze in his steps as he took in the sight before him- his little sister on the ground with a kid much older than both of them standing over her.

Without hesitation, he quickly rushed over and gently helped you up, “Are you okay?” He asked softly, eyes scanning up and down your face, and you bit down on your bottom lip, nodding slightly despite the pain.

“Move, jackass,” Derek hissed, “Unless you want to get the beating of your life, too.”

Sam tensed and his face hardened and jaw set in a way that you had never seen before, in a way that reminded you so much of Dean when he was angry.

With a dangerous glare on his face, your brother pivoted on his heel and stared Derek down, standing his ground as he shifted his body so that it was in front of you completely.

All around, people began to whisper and point, making Derek look around nervously as he realized they were wondering why he wasn’t going to fight back against this kid that was clearly so much smaller than he was. Was he scared?

He scoffed, trying to gain back whatever sad piece of pride he had just lost for hesitating, “That’s it, punk,” He hissed, balling his hand into a fist and sending it flying at Sam’s face before either of you had time to react.

You gasped, hands flying up to cover your mouth as you watched in horror, too shocked to even move as your brother was sent into the same locker you had just been pushed into moments before.

“Hey!” Dean had barely even registered what he was seeing when he was just trying to get to his next class. His gaze only set on his little siblings in pain, before red flared through his vision and he charged through the crowd, swinging his fist into Derek’s face before he knew what hit him. Hard.

A sickening crunch that you knew all too well to be the sound of a nose, a possibly a bit of jaw, breaking in the most painful way imaginable.

Sam had regained his footing and went to stand next to you, draping a comforting arm around your shoulders as you watched, still frozen, as your eldest brother hit the boy in front of him with more force than you had ever seen him use.

Curses were flying out of your brother's lips when he was finally forcefully pulled away by a teacher who had been nearby when the commotion had broken out.

Derek lay, moaning and rolling on the ground with blood coming out of his nose and too many visible bruises to count. You cringed as you thought about the wounds that couldn’t even be seen.

“You three,” The principal snapped, pushing his way through the crowd of shocked students with his chest panting up and down as if he had just run a marathon, “My office, now.”

With that, he turned on his heel and marched away, clearly expecting you all to follow.

Dean scowled at the teacher who was still holding onto him and harshly shrugged off his hands before he made his way over to you, kicking Derek’s legs out of the way.

“Are you two okay?” He asked, and though his voice was gruff, his eyes were soft in a way that only you and Sam could decipher.

Both of you nodded your head, shoulders sagging tiredly.

“Now, will one of you explain to me why the hell I just hit that kid for whatever he was doing?” His voice was dropped so that no one around you, even the ones trying to lean closer, could hear what was being said.

“He hit Y/n,” Sam explained, “I don’t know why either, but I tried to help too.”

Those were your brothers. Always willing to step in whenever it involved you without question, never caring who they got on the wrong side of.

Dean was silent for a moment before nodding and training his eyes on you, “How hard did he hit you?” He asked lowly, dangerously.

“Hard enough.” You whispered, wincing slightly as you tried to feel your ribs.

Just as the eldest Winchester sibling looked like he was about to turn around and unleash his protective rage once more, you grabbed his arm and made him look at you, “Don’t,” You stressed, “It’s not worth it.”

He hesitated, clearly torn between doing what you asked and ripping that kid's lungs out. But, he eventually sided with you and allowed his muscles to relax under your grip.

“Come on,” He mumbled, letting you both go in front of him so that you could go down to the office.

On the way past, Sam made sure to give Derek a swift kick in the ribs for good measure before continuing to walk, ignoring the glare he received from the school nurse who was just crouching down in front of the sprawled out boy.

“Thank you, guys,” You whispered genuinely.

“No need to thank us,” Dean said, reaching over and squeezing your shoulder once with a small smile, “We’re your older brothers, it’s our job.”

Idjits 👟- @ineedmorefanfics2 @roseblue373

[hsvh-hp]

You know I agree with you that fanon paints Lucius as a much worse father than he was and I don't like that either, but do you not think indoctrinating your child into a genocidal cult + coldly demanding that he be the best in class and publicly humiliating him about that ("if [my son's] grades don't pick up, a thief or a plunderer] may indeed be all he is fit for") is bad parenting?

Like I'm not saying "he is a bad parent" or "he is a good parent", I'm very hesitant to label parents (real or fictional) in such a one-dimensional way because parent-child relationships are so incredibly complicated. But at the same time it is very important to me to acknowledge even little things parents can do that can really have a negative impact on children. And indeed in Draco's case they do, leading him to want to be a Death Eater, to seek validation from Voldemort (when he disarms Dumbledore he talks about wanting to be the Dark Lord's favourite, he doesn't want help from Snape because he has a need to prove himself etc) and contributing to his general insecurity and need to be better than everyone & getting upset when he's not, because if he's not the best all the time then he feels really bad.

One big reason I dislike the fanon tendency to make every morally questionable parent an extremely physically abusive monster is precisely because that erases the representation of how the smaller, psychologically/emotionally damaging things they do can still be traumatising.

It goes without saying that there’s nuance. I would never say nor claim that Lucius did nothing wrong or didn’t make mistakes. By mere virtue of holding bigoted beliefs, he signaled to Draco that there were things he could do or be that might undermine his father’s love. To me, it doesn’t even matter if Lucius is otherwise perfect as a father. That small thing, in a kid as needy for love and validation as Draco is, would be enough to have him always on edge and anxiously performing his role as the perfect son to the best of his ability.

My earlier frustration was a pushback against the need to inflate Lucius’ less-great moments into overtly obvious abuse (we are very much in agreement there), as fanon seems to love to do without a hint of introspection or greater analysis. I’m so bored of complicated behaviour being filed away into a thought-terminating box called ‘abuse’, where a sole instance of someone being a grumpy, imperfect dad (the Borgin & Burke’s scene) is all that’s required to put a character on the same level as men who actually do beat their sons. It’s not given a greater thought.

For instance, you bring up Draco’s indoctrination into the Death Eaters, and his eagerness to join. This is a very interesting conundrum for Lucius to me because Voldemort is back for an entire year before Draco signs up. Lucius is in Azkaban at the time, unable to exert any influence over Draco’s decision, and Voldemort explicitly brings Draco into the fold as a form of punishment for Lucius. We have no access to Lucius’ head as readers, but he had an entire year afterward to sit and think about how he failed Draco. He’s a smart guy. I’m sure he could put it together that his bigotry came very close to costing his son his life. Considering the Malfoys sit alongside the winners of the war in the Great Hall, it speaks to me of some greater narrative reflection on Lucius’ part to have earned himself a place there.

The point is, I’ve never seen that Lucius in fic before. I crave that Lucius, who can realize his mistakes and grow or change as a result (and is brave enough not to let the lateness of its arrival dictate the terms). It’s very important to me that growth not be something exclusive to a certain age (16 and under? 18? I’ve seen people argue that Draco was no longer redeemable at 12 LMAO). So yeah, feeling alone in this sentiment occasionally bubbles up and I forget to articulate all the nuance of the subject when engaging with it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[creatingblackcharacters]

I'm considering making a character I haven't settled on a design for Black. The thing is, her husband was white, as is her son. I've considered giving the son more Black textured hair as his design already has curly black hair, but I'm not sure. Anyway, she would be the grandmother of my white "main" character.

I have only partially fleshed her out as I don't want to put too much thought into her character until I know I'll keep her Black for sure.

Here is what I have so far.

Annette was born in the nineteen forties and lived through the rampant racism and sexism of the times. She was and is an activist for Black people and woman kind. She is determined and highly intelligent, having made her way through college with astoundingly good grades and becoming a successful author.

She met her husband in college, who was impressed and infatuated by her sheer intelligence and determination.

When her son, Edward, was born, she and her husband had high expectations for him. They were both highly intelligent and successful people who gave him the best possible launching point to succeed. While they were a bit firm at points, they did it out of love for their son and belief that he could be the best at whatever he did.

When Edward proposed to his future wife, Abigail, his parents weren't the most supportive. They wanted him to marry someone more like themselves; strong and hardworking.

After the passing of her husband and the birth of her granddaughter, Annette became a bit more mellow. When her husband passed, she realized his workaholic attitude had impacted his health and didn't want to go down the same path. Meeting her baby granddaughter also helped to soften her heart. Her relationship with her daughter in law also improved.

I was wondering if this is okay or if it comes off as forced diversity. She won't be the only Black character as her granddaughter's husband, Darryl, will be Black, as well as their daughter. There is also Darryl's adoptive father, sisters, and friend from college, Joyce, who is a Black trans woman.

(P.S. I'm tweaking my Darryl character's design to have dreadlocks and beads instead of his previous hairstyle. Do you want to see him when I get a decent drawing done?)

Hmm. It's not "bad", you could do it. Her son is going to be biracial. But I do see what you mean. Why exactly do you want her to be Black? The only thing that really makes it more relevant is that you have her as a Civil Rights activist alongside her feminist politics, and you could still be white and do that (Joan Trumpauer Mulholland is a phenomenal example).

Now don't get me wrong, you don't necessarily have to have a "reason" for a character to be Black, but you would benefit from understanding how her Blackness affects her story, and how she'll interact with the world around her. She's a civil rights activist- maybe that could be where she meets her white future husband, because she can see that he actually cares about her politics and her humanity. It would also be extremely difficult at the time for them to be married, as well. Did she meet him at a PWI (Predominantly White Institution)? She wasn't very safe there in the 1960s; maybe he took an active role in defending her presence on campus?

Does she as a Grandmother pass this ideology and history down through her apparently white family? And if she's just the grandmother of the white MC, was your idea behind her being Black to soften the approach of Darryl ("oh, we're not racist, my grandma is Black!")? Because that would be racist, yes. I'll stop asking too much, because I know you said you're still planning. But these are things I think you should consider in your design.

[jisungsbff01]

.2.

.like i need you.

...pairing…Chan x reader

...w.c... 1.9K

...genre…slice-of-life, college au!

...warnings...swearing,

...characters...Y/N, (OC) Lilith, (OC) June, Hyunjin, Chan, Han, Jeongin, Felix, rest of SKZ mentioned

...synopsis...No one ever really knows what they wanna do in their 20s, but Y/N has always known what she was going to do. So, she began the journey to her dream and is so close to reaching it with no distractions at all. Until she is thrown into a project with Hyunjin, a fellow senior in college, and he introduces her to a few of his friends...connecting with one in particular...

Her whole plan is soon thrown off the track she’s had it on for 21 years….

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

The next morning, after maybe two hours of sleep, I stopped at the local student coffee shop, grabbing something for me and Hyunjin before heading to the bus top for a 15 minute drive to the closest stop to the dance studio Hyunjin and I have been using for the last couple of weeks. He said that rather than having to rent a room through the school, he knew the owner of a local one that hardly anyone used anymore. I’m sure the owner was more than happy to have both our company and our generous donations, since she refused to let us pay by the hour like she required for the public.

I punched in the passcode she offered for Hyunjin and me before pushing my way through the creaking door, the bell above ringing. I heard slow beats in the studio and I made my way in, assuming it was just going to be him. Little did I know, he was going to have two friends with him. I knew both, thankfully, I wasn’t very open to dancing in front of strangers…another reason I wasn’t a choreographer. I saw Jeongin conversing with Felix, who I met a time or two when I would meet Hyunjin at his dorm. I brought Hyunjin his coffee, then properly greeted the two other men in the room. Felix, surprising me with a hug, “Y/N, I’ve missed seeing you, Jinnie’s been hogging you up in studios too much. You need to come by the dorm sometime. I know I wouldn’t be the only one who’d ap-”

A loud clap sounded from the other side of the room, “Okay! You two heathens have two choices, sit on the side quietly or leave-your choice!”

Jeongin made a face at his demanding friend and dragged Felix to the bench spanning the side of the room the the right.

Hyunjin had me set our drinks where we wouldn’t spill them and we decided to start at the hook of the song. I watched a few feet away from him, so I could gauge where he had gotten with the choreo. I put in a few suggestions that made the dance look like it would flow more with his body, surprisingly enough, he took the offer, stating that it felt more natural anyway.

One..Two…Three…Four…Five…Six…Seven…Eight

The counting Hyunjin showed to me consistently sounded through my head and I jumped in when it felt right, following his languid movements. Once the song came to an end, our breathing slightly elevated he turned to me and smiled, “Why don’t you dance with me more? Ooh, I can ask my instructor if I can bring you on and make it a duet?”

I laugh with a hand on my chest, “Hyunjin, you’re being generous, I do NOT want this to be a duet, I will ruin your grade, I swear it. I am entry level, at this point you’re a pro, I am not willing to bring your final grade down. If you’re up for it, once you get your grade back, you can alter the dance as a duet and we can try that as a side project?”

He thought about it for a moment and his face lit up,” I love that idea! So, be prepared to be amazed and tired. But, I still would like you to practice with me, the studio feels empty dancing by myself.”

He gave me little puppy-dog eyes and I caved, “Okay, okay. Just be patient with me, I’m still new and learning.”

After a little “hehe” he started the song over and we started from the top, working on parts we each thought we could change slightly to make more impactful. Every once in a while, Felix would offer suggestions that neither of us thought of due to being to wrapped up in our own bubble of creativity. After an hour and a half, Hyunjin received a phone call and I gave him the go ahead to answer it. This giving me a break to drink water and to cool off. I pulled my arm out of the sleeve of my sweatshirt for more ventilation, leaving my sports bra slightly exposed. In the mirror in front of me I saw Jeongin turn a shade of crimson and choke on whatever he was drinking in his cup, Felix beside him starting to let out a broken chuckle. I hear my phone begin to ring and I jog to answer the call fom Lilith when I pick up I can hear the white sound from being in a vehicle,”Y/Nnie? Can you hear me?”

“Yes, love, what’s up?” I play with the end of my sleeve on my sweatshirt, a habit I’ve never been able to break.

“All the dance studios are full at the university and I remember you telling me about the one off-campus you guys used, do you mind if practice is over there today or would we be intruding?”

“Not at all, girl, come on over- you have my location, right? Just put it in and I’ll send you the code to get in, or have someone come down to meet you.”

“Sounds good, we’ve got like five minutes left, but I’ll let you go so you can continue practicing!”

With that she hung up before I could even ask who “we” were…

I feel warmth behind me, only for it to be Hyunjin towering over me, “Chris is on his way, all the studios are full at uni and they need a bigger space.”

I let out an “uh-huh” muttering that Lilith said the same thing. Felix said that he would go down to let them in once they got here and told us that we could just continue with what we were doing. With that being said, Hyunjin decided to show me one specific part I couldn’t get down because of the way he moved his hips and it just felt unnatural. He watched me attempt to do it, and waited a couple of beats.

“Is it okay if I touch you? I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.” He asked.

I nod, “Hyun, I don’t think there is anything you could do at this point that would make me uncomfortable…unless it was kissing, that’s a different story and we know what happened the last time you kissed a girl.”

He looked at me with a “go to hell’ look and placed his warm hands on my waist and he asked Jeongin to play the music at a specific part. Once Jeongin pressed ‘play’ Hyunjin stepped behind me, looking over my shoulder still keeping a respectful distance away from me. Once the music began to flood out of the speakers, the man behind me began to move our bodies the way we had written out. I imprinted the way my body was supposed to move in this moment into my brain, trying to remember the way my muscles pulled at my back and thighs.

I looked at my partner through the mirror and asked him if we could run it again, hoping I could finally get this one right. He agreed and I walked over to his phone, rewinding the song and pulled off the rest of my sweatshirt, discarding it in the corner. We bagan moving again, midway through I started feeling anxiety rising in me the closer we got to the part we just went over.

It didn’t take long before we were interrupted by cat-calls from none other than Lilith, with two strays in tow. Chris and Han shyly made their way to us, Han quietly introduced himself and shook my hand. Chris shook my hand and said a quick ‘hi’ before hugging Hyunjin and quickly making his way to Jeongin, greeting him like a big brother would, sitting on top of him and rubbing the top of his head.

Lilith, on the other hand, yanked me to the side, “Okay you slut, whatcha doin with the little dancey dance there? But also, not bad..”

I just shrugged, “Hyunjin and I thought it would be a great idea for me to learn the routine because he wants to make it a duet once he finishes his exam, and he was talking about putting it on his socials with the song. All about publicity, babes.”

My friend squinted her eyes at me before calling over Han, “ Han, Y/N, Y/N, Han…or Jisung, he’ll respond to either.”

“I’m not a dog, Lilith,” he turns to me, “it’s nice to finally properly meet you, we’ve heard so much about you!”

“What the hell kinda stories does she tell you guys?” I let out with a nervous chuckle.

“ Now I said nothing about- OW!” Han was interrupted by Lilith stomping her foot ontop of his.

“Shut the hell up, shortstack.” She grits out as she turns to me “but, can we see the whole thing?”

My arms cross as a shout out to Hyunjin on the other side of the studio, “Hyun, she wants to see a run through.”

Before I start the music I let out a little disclaimer, “Now, the track isn’t finished yet, we’re still touching it up, but this is the main sample of it.”

“I hope you know we wanna see you dance with him too.” Felix requests.

Suddenly I feel shy, “Felix, I don’t know…I don’t feel comf-”

“Do it! You’re too hot to not do it!” Han shouts from his little corner, “Do your little dancey dance.” He sings out.

I give in, first throwing on my sweatshirt I had discarded in the corner, finally pressing play and getting into place.

I put all my focus and energy into getting this whole thing right, wanting to prove to myself that I can do anything I put my mind to. The last note rings out and I feel like I am dying for air…real air. I need to work on my stamina for sure. Hollers echo around us and Hyunjin embraces me in a hug, his arm lazily slung around my shoulders, “Y/Nnie, you did so good for a producer!”

“THAT’S where I know you from! Y/N, do you take Professor Kim’s Producing class block?” Han asks, running up to us.

“Yeah, have him every Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays.” I inform him. From there, he gets so excited and begins asking questions.

“What row do you sit it? How come you don’t talk a lot in class? You should’ve introduced yourself to us!” This little man doesn’t stop rambling, and I already adore him for it.

Through a few chuckles I explain that I sit directly behind him and Chris, and that I actually record the class to I can take proper notes later and didn’t feel the need to talk. We all get acquainted more while Hyunjin and I take a break, laughs sounding through the room frequently- the company feels nice…feels warm. After being a part of a few side conversations, I watch how well Lilith gets along with the other four. I notice how quiet Chan was and I accidentally make eye contact with him, my face heating up slightly and I send him a reassuring wink. He blushed and a smile grows on his face, he pulls his ball cap down and looks into his lap.

“So when are we all free so that way we can have a hangout night, I’m sure since I like you two, the rest of us will get along well.” Hyunjin asks loudly, pulling my attention away from the blushing man.

Suddenly I find six pairs of eyes are on me, questioning me in silence.

———————————

Thank you for reading! Let me know what you thought!!

[trans-queen-administrator]

One year ago, give it take a few days, I started reading Worm. I finished it in a week. I don't think I'll ever read a story that affects me as much as Taylor's did, and since it's the anniversary of me reading Worm I think I might as well get sappy and emotional and write out how much Worm impacted me.

Tw: talking about suicide

I was in a terrible spot before Worm. Behind in every single class, failing to eat or drink or even just get out of bed for entire days, ghosting all of my friends and family just because I couldn't work up the will to talk, I just rotted in my dorm all day and let the tasks pile up higher and higher because I didn't know how to dig myself up, so I just gave up. I found Worm from some stupid meme that I saw while scrolling through social media for 13 hours a day in an attempt to drown out thoughts, and for reasons I still don't know I started to read it instead of returning to my blank inertia. I hadn't had the mental willpower to read or even feel anything in months, and it was completely out of character to immediately read it instead of just saying I'd do it later.

My sleep schedule was already fucked, once I got started it wasn't really a shock that I stayed up until like 5 am.

The week went by, I got to Leviathan, the Nine, Echidna, countless incredible interludes, and somewhere early on I think Worm became some sort of last hurrah. I'm not totally sure if I would have done it, but I had rough plans for methods of killing myself. Worm is a long work, impressively so, I was telling myself I'd finish it so I had something to be at least somewhat proud of before I went. It was a means of procrastination for the end since I didn't want to leave it unfinished, and also a road to it since once I was done reading then it would be time.

I became completely closed off from the world, even more than I had been previously. I dropped any pretenses of passing or attending class, what would the point be when I wouldn't be around for the grade? My meals became even less frequent, and when I had them it was always accompanied by reading. My sleep time was cut in half, I was waking up earlier and going to bed later all to read Worm. It was a week long fugue where I ceased to exist except for my ability to read the text. Once I was done reading, that would be it for me, and since I had closed myself off from pretty much everything there were no outside sources to convince me to change my mind. Just Worm. And it managed to do it.

Something about Taylor's absolutely insane amount of willpower just hit me hard. I remember when I read Speck and was reduced to a sobbing wreck for a day that was one of my strongest thoughts about her. She just tried so hard for everything, and absolutely never gave up as long as there was some way she could try to do something. I never learned how to put all my effort into stuff, but Taylor was inspiring enough that I wanted to at least try to learn how to try. It sounds cringey to write down, but if she could try so hard that she united all of humanity to kill an omnicidal god, then I could at the very least try to eat lunch.

Speaking of lunch, I read 90% of Speck in the corner of my college dining hall. It was like 4:00 and I was the only one there somehow, which is great because I was breaking down the entire time as I read Taylor fall apart. I don't think I'll ever read anything that hurt as much as Speck.

Another part of Taylor that was just as crucial to making me want to live was showing how much her self destructiveness hurt others. How could I justify killing myself when I just read how much it fucking tore at Taylor's friends when she became Khepri? When Lisa scrambled to just barely save Taylor from a suicide attempt in the first chapter of Gold Morning? Even when she just left them behind, Rachel's anguish was palpable, so who was I to ghost my friends because I was too scared to text anyone? I always knew on a logical level people would be sad if I died, but seeing such solid depictions of hurt from similar situations just... I dunno, I couldn't justify it when it was so much clearer to me how much it would hurt people I love.

I took a day to emotionally recover from the mental rewiring that comes from finishing Worm, and then I called my parents and told them how poorly I had been doing. I hadn't done it before because I didn't want to be a burden. They were happy to help. I dropped all my classes and went home. Worm stayed with me, it gave me some sort of substance to my life, something to latch on to. Making ideas for fanfics that I'd never write, talking with friends I'd made through Worm, rereading Speck if I needed a good cry, all of it kept me going and made my life feel less flat. Like five months later I started posting to this account and that was another outlet. It was just fun to analyze the text and make up theories about this work that did so much for me, and when I finally started posting them online that was good fun too. Thank y'all for reading my dinky little rambles, somehow I've cracked 400 followers on what was originally just a place for me to write down my thoughts during lunch hour at a mental hospital. Whenever I get a detailed comment in the notes, or I see someone like/reblog 20 of my posts in a row as they scroll through, or I see the names of people I always see in my notifications it just makes my day. Y'all are lovely.

And well, now it's been a year. Worm was supposed to be the final story I read, a countdown to the end in 1.7 million words, but it managed to convince me to keep going. I didn't think I'd make it to the next year or even the next month, but it's November again and I'm still here. I'm not doing great, but I'm here and I have Worm to thank for that.

[thatdehydratedmedic]

How I wish I had studied during my A levels

I want to start by saying this is NOT a guide. If anything, It comes closest to being a disorganized rant. Its basically what I would tell myself if I could go back in time. I wrote down that I’d also slap my past self. But my better judgement suggests that I should be kinder to myself. I’d give her a hug. She did the best with what she had when she finally tried, and I applaud and thank her for that. She was so brave and so, so, kind. I truly appreciate her effort. If not for her strength I would not be here today. Here’s a kiss to her forehead. I celebrate the immense trust she had in God and her love for me. My love, past self, you were so strong, I love you. You feel more and more distant from me every day, and yet you burn bright, scarlet red. You truly were a teenager full of rage.

1. Past papers

Past papers are the BEST resource for scoring good marks at A-Level. They provide a great insight into the question types as well as prepares you to answer questions in the way that examiners expect you to answer for them to give you a good grade. Doing past papers will help familiarize yourself with patterns and will make you less likely to suffer from exam anxiety later on. Regretfully, I barely did any past papers, especially at A2 level. For each subject I did, I can count on one hand the number of papers I've done. I did do quite a few Dhivehi HSC papers. (SSC papers also help for Dhivehi HSC btw)

2. YouTube videos

YouTube videos are great if you're looking to improve your understanding of a specific concept. This is especially helpful fur biology and math. Personally, I did not use YouTube at all for chemistry, however, I am inclined to believe that many would find it helpful and really urge everyone to make good use of it. When I was cramming for my A2 exams and had only about 2 weeks left I realized the sheer amount of content I had missed as I had skipped so many classes. I do wish I had at least started watching YouTube videos to catch up on the syllabus a bit earlier.

3. Skimming through textbooks

I do not have much to say regarding textbooks except that when I thought it would be useful, it wasn’t – and when I thought it would not be useful, it was. I assume that’s just my misassumption. I most likely some of you will be more perceptive of when you should reach out for it. However, I did find that at times when I had missed many classes it certainly did help to go through the textbook after attempting a past paper to no avail. I mostly suggest just reading through the contents, learning outcomes and processes, as I found that reading the processes did indeed help grasp them better, such as the Kreb’s cycle and all the neuron and muscle processes. (I forgot them all, can you tell? Let this be a reminder to you to NOT procrastinate, get off TikTok and Genshin impact and start grinding)

4. Anki Cards

If you’re an aspiring medical student like me, I’m sure you would’ve heard of Anki cards already. If not, Anki is basically a flashcard app, like Quizlet but better. I would get into the details but everyone always says the same thing and I do not want to sound like a broken record. You should look it up and when you do, you’ll see what I mean. Regardless, I found Anki especially helpful for Biology and Islam. These 2 subjects are memorization heavy, and although people do say you should not use Anki to learn but should use it for recall, I digress. Use it however you want, and besides – I was way beyond saving at this point. When I was cramming for Islam just 3 days in advance, Anki was the way to go. Took 2 days to make the cards and memorized them all on the last day. Don’t do that though. Halfway through and I’ve forgotten what the title was. What I would’ve done differently. How silly. I would’ve made cards early and actually used the cards as I should have. But if you’re like me and procrastinate like a little bitch, don’t fret. You’ve still got this.

5. Paying attention in class and not being late

I’m not going to pretend I regret missing math class. Maybe a little because I ended up failing (getting a B) but not enough to make me cry. (Lies.) But anyways, for a class that was 45 minutes long, I showed up 30 minutes late. Math was always first for the entire year. And for a night owl like me, this meant that there was nothing you could do to make me get to school on time. I am a changed person. I promise I go to work on time no matter what now. But back then I only had 2 things in mind. Have fun and get rest. That was not a good mindset. I was spaced out the entire class. I do regret this. Everyday, every week, every month, for 2 years, I paid almost 0 attention in class. On the rare occasions which I did, I learnt so much, unless I was scrambling to understand because I hadn’t paid attention on earlier days. For the lessons which days I did the classwork and participated during lessons, I found that I had an easier time understanding them later on. Genuinely, if anyone reads this, I’m sure you’re laughing at this paragraph because who even states such an obvious thing right? Well, back at you, my friend. Sometimes we do need the obvious to be stated in bold and highlighted in yellow.

6. More religious – focus on what matters (SKIP THIS IF YOU’RE NOT MUSLIM!!)

As you can already tell, I was a very irresponsible little bitch during my A levels. Too With 0 discipline, I was not as religious as I wish I had been. Albeit I did pray Tahajjud almost daily, I was very lost in the worldly life. I was not focused on my Akhira at all. This led me to living very freely and without regret. However, the numerous distractions couldn’t put a will to live inside me. Although I had been outwardly very happy and outgoing, it was a depressing time. Only a few levels above rock bottom, but that’s a story for another day. I did reconnect with Allah close to A levels. Not because I wanted good grades but because I had gone too far away. In the end, my closeness with Allah helped me to regain my motivation to study, and was the driving force to start cramming, even in the little time I had. If I could go back in time, I would recite Quran for an hour every day, and do my dhikr in addition to Tahajjud.

7. Wearing less makeup

As you might have already guessed, I was a pretty shallow person during that time and made sure to have a full face of makeup every day. This is not to say that you become a shallow person if you wear a full face of makeup every day. It is only my personal experience that when I wear makeup, it’s usually for shallow reasons. I would spend hours every day getting ready even after waking up late. In essence, my priorities were all jumbled up. It’s not that I would wear less makeup, but I would not place such high importance for my looks, especially over my studies. Studies would come first, looking good will come after. Besides, who cares if I’m pretty if I fail my finals? As a young girl, I cared too much.

8. Quality over quantity in friendships and leave the romantic pursuits for later

As someone who had been bullied almost my whole life, I was thrilled to finally learn how to get along. I made many friends during A levels. This new found sense of belonging did not translate well in my academics. I was distracted. I prioritized my friends more than my studies. I became more confident in my romantic pursuits as well. In the end, I lost sight of what mattered the most and ruined my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to change my life. I failed my parents and my family. I failed myself.

9. Believe in myself

I used to loath myself terribly. I guess to an extent I still do. This is entirely my own fault I suppose, and it wouldn’t matter if it did not affect anyone else. Unfortunately, my lack of self esteem has disappointed my family and teachers. Everyone except me believes in me. This is not a blessing but a curse. Because this has only led to me disappointing them all. At the end of the day, I am despised for being lazy. I avoided attending classes, self-studying, doing any form of practice or revision for months because I was terrified of failure. Insecurity turned to self-sabotage. The humiliation I failed in the end was greater than what I would have if I had been honest with myself to begin with. I will admit, a lot of these issues came from the fact that my teachers and parents called me a gifted child. Without offering any guidance or support, this so-called ‘love’ suffocated me. I was afraid of not meeting their expectations. They couldn’t possibly know I was not the brightest child ever if I never tried. Their comments always seemed to swing between two opposites. Sometimes it was, “It’s okay. You’re doing so well and you’re barely trying.” And when they would decide to no longer look at me through their eyes of mercy they’d say, “You’re arrogant. You’ll never make it. You think you can do it but we know with that little effort you can’t.” How ignorant. I believed I would never make it, regardless of whatever effort I made. To this day I do not know what life would be like if I had worked hard with confidence. Do me a favor, dear, reader, and let me know. The alternative is turning out like me, btw.

10. Maintain a healthy lifestyle

I’ve never been to a psychiatrist, but I can confidently say I have mental issues. I assume its depression but what would I know, I’m no psychiatrist. I am always tired, dehydrated, sleep deprived and starving. Oftentimes I shiver and I am constantly cold. I shake with anxiety in the face of people. Nothing seems worth spending my time on. I never exercise, I am always in bed, rotting. That is until I go to work. Have I mentioned I work at a hospital? Although I work shift duties, this work has given me a sense of routine. I enjoy speaking to patients. Even on my worst days, I find that helping people gives me a sense of accomplishment and goal. I lose track of time. I am so engrossed I don’t even realize when the day passes by. That said, I believe a healthy life style would greatly benefit anyone. Get enough sleep, drink enough water, eat well, rest and move. My caffeine-addicted-back-broken-ass with no sense of day or night anymore won’t. But you definitely should. I won’t, obviously, but if you do it will only be for your own good.

As I've already mentioned, this is not a guide in any way, and is not meant to be used as such. This is merely myself reflections and what I wish I had done differently. These are my flaws I wish to change going forward. That said, it would make me happy if this ended up helping someone out, somehow.

[bunnies4steven]

Dark!Jonathan Levy x AFAB!reader

╰┈➤ WARNINGS : NSFW, SMUT, BREEDING KINK, NON CONSENSUAL BREEDING, AGE GAP, PROFESSOR! JONATHAN LEVY, ORAL MALE RECEIVING, DD/LG DYNAMICS, IMPACT PLAY, P IN V SEX, PET NAMES (SWEET GIRL, BABY, HONEY, SLUT, COCKWHORE), UNPROTECTED SEX, NON-CON, DADDY KINK, PRAISING AND DEGRADING KINK, ROUGH SEX, CO-ERCION, DARK THEMES, MDNI.

˗ˏˋ✎ part one, part two, part three,

𓆩⚝𓆪 caution: this fic is very dark and contains themes of non-con and blackmail. if these things trigger you I advise you to not read this and click off.

Originally Jonathan planned to break it to you sweet, but he felt like you were trying to run away like his wife did during this moment. He needed to have you now. Seeing a few tears leave your face made his cock erect. He knew he shouldn’t feel turned on by your tears, but fuck did you look so pretty.

“I d-don’t want to.” You weakly protested.

“You don’t have a choice, sweet girl.” Jonathan mockingly cooed.

You nodded no as in denial with him and yourself. You felt stupid for thinking that he gave you these compliments, gave you these opportunities, and wanted you to perfect your writing skills with him just on the pure basis of education. You felt disgusted with him and you felt humiliated with yourself.

“Take off your clothes and get on your knees, honey. I could always tell your boss at the internship you weren’t as good as I thought you were or I could even take a couple points off the assignments I graded.” Jonathan threatened with a gentle voice.

You then dropped your bag out and gave in and he praised you “Good girl.”

You took off your sweater and shirt. He bit his lip as your white lacy bra became visible, he noted that it would be something for him to personally keep along with your panties. You then took off the rest of your clothes and garments.

Your nude body looked even better than he would’ve thought. You then got on your knees as he walked towards you. His hand gently caressed your cheek as you looked down on to the floor. He lifted your head up and murmured,

“So fuckin’ pretty.”

Jonathan then unbuckled his pants and they dropped. He took off his boxers and his thick cock hardened. You moved your face away from his cock and your expression curled into disgust. Jonathan roughly grabbed your chin in offense.

“No, no, no fuckin’ look at me baby.” Jonathan ordered.

He wiped the tears from your face as you tried to protest “Professor I don’t wanna-” Jonathan interjected your words by slapping your face. Your eyes widened from the stinging pain and you gasped.

“That’s not my name. What’s my name?”

“Your name is Jona-” Smack!

“Wrong answer.” He responded in a monotonous voice.

You were completely shocked because you thought you had answered right. You then cried out to him in pain and shock “But y-your name is Jon-” Smack!

You sobbed from the pain. Your sobbing made his cock so hard and made his pre-cum leak so much. Jonathan leaned down and said lowly “My name is daddy. You will keep calling me daddy.”

He then kissed you. You could feel his prickly beard on your chin. The way he kissed you was filled with hunger and lust like he has been waiting for this. He then roughly pulled away from the kiss and a string of saliva was apparent.

Jonathan grabbed his cock and tapped it on your plump lips. “Here’s what's gonna happen. I’m gonna fuck your pretty face and you’re gonna take it like the perfect cock whore you are, mkay?”

Before you could respond he shoved his thick and lengthy cock in your mouth. You gagged as his cock reached the back of your throat. His veiny hands wrapped around your hair as he started thrusting his cock inside your mouth as if it was your pussy.

“Look at you, baby. Sucking my cock so good, like a little slut.” Jonathan praised.

You made gagging noise and gurgle noises as you were forced to suck his cock while he thrusted it in your mouth. Jonathan chuckled and groaned in pleasure. He thought you must have had so much experience to be such a good cock sucker.

“Fuck- baby. Such a good fuckin’ cock sucker for daddy, huh? You used to suckin’ off the boys on campus?” He mockingly asked.

Jonathan enjoyed seeing the tears fall down your cheeks, the drool dripping from your mouth to your tits, and seeing forms of spit circle around his cock and your mouth. You looked like his whore and he loved that.

“Such a dirty little girl letting daddy use your throat like this.” he moaned.

As he continued fucking your throat he was coming close. His moans and groans got louder and breathier. His thrusts were getting sloppy and the pleasure that was building inside of him was aching for him to cum.

“That’s it, fuck- i’m gonna fucking cum down this little slutty throat, fuck, fuck, fuck!” Jonathan growled.

His seed then released on your tongue and he groaned in pleasure. His cock left your mouth and you coughed and tried to gasp for air. As he saw you coughing he stopped you, saying “No, no, no swallow my cum, honey.” You obeyed and then he made you get up.

“Now bend over that desk baby, like a good little girl.” Jonathan ordered.

You bent over the desk and he smacked your ass which made you yelp. He rubbed his cock on your clit which made you whimper. Despite knowing you were being violated your pussy couldn’t help but drip wetness.

Jonathan then took your slick with his fingers and smirked “So wet for me, baby. You’re so excited for my cock, hm?”

“No.” You denied as more tears fell down your face.

“Baby your cunt is dripping for me. I didn’t even fuck you yet and your pussy knows it belongs to me.” Jonathan countered.

He then positioned his cock near your pussy. Jonathan then entered his cock inside of you which made both of you gasp. The feeling of your warm, wet, and tight walls surrounding his shaft made him throw his head back and relax his posture.

“So fuckin’ tight.” His shaky voice praised.

Jonathan started thrusting. His thick cock was stretching your pussy and you gritted from pain and pleasure. Your nails scraped on his desk as his pelvis met your ass. He then grabbed your hair and pulled your head back so you could face him.

“I’ve wanted you ever since I’ve fuckin’ met you, but I didn’t go after you because I was with Mira.” He began and he started thrusting faster which made you whine in pleasure “I was too fuckin stupid to notice you were better.”

“You’re so much sweeter. cuter. fucking tighter.” Jonathan emphasized his last words by syncing them to match with his thrust,

You were moaning and your body was betraying you. You couldn’t help but feel good as he pounded your little pussy. Jonathan loved your facial expressions and how much pleasure was expressed by your moans, sobs, and whimpers.

“Daddy is makin’ you feel so good, right sweet baby?” Jonathan cooed.

He then moved you and him back and continued pounding your pussy from behind. His finger pad reached your clit which made you whine. “Tell daddy that he’s making you feel good, and you love him, and you'll never leave him.”

He made you feel so good but you refused to for your pride and dignity. You were close to orgasming and he noticed the way your pussy tightened on his cock. You were sobbing from pure pleasure.

“Say it or you won’t cum.” He said,

You felt yourself coming close to your orgasm and at this point your pussy was making the decision for you rather than your mind was. You repeated his words “D-Daddy is m-making me- ahh! F-feel good, n’ I-l-love him, and I’ll never leave h-him!”

“Good fucking girl!” He growled.

Your legs then trembled and your vision went white. You screamed as you orgasmed and he continued pounding his cock into you trying to chase his high and pro lasting your orgasm. His lips kissed your forehead as his cock hit the deepest parts of you.

“M’ gonna fill you up baby. Gonna fill this pretty pussy with so much cum!” He moaned “This pussy feels so good. It was made for me, baby. I deserve this, I deserve you.”

As he was coming close he growled in pleasure “F-Fuck, fuck, fuck! M’ gonna cum in this pussy. Gonna breed you baby.”

His thrusts got faster and once he finally orgasmed he grunted. His thick cum filled your pussy and you both groaned. Both of your chests heaved and you both panted from exhaustion. His cock slipped out of your stomach and he gave you one last kiss.

He deserved you and he finally got you.

[neonscandal]

Manga With Me: JJK Crackpot Conspiracy That Makes Little to No Difference (While Maybe Making A Big Difference)

At this point, we're all aware that I, as the nerd aunt, watch a lot of my favorite anime with my niece and nephew and, against the better judgement of most adults, that includes JJK. During this rewatch, I noticed something that sparked an Aha! moment and now we all have to suffer that together.

Unrelated since I just wanted a Mahito gif but kinda related. This gif from S2E9 shows Mahito grabbing the red dragon mahjong piece. That of benevolence. 👀

⚠️: Spoiler warning through season 2 of JJK.

Ever since finding out that there are only five more chapters to JJK, I have not known peace. Which means I need to word vomit all the things that have been bouncing around my noodle expeditiously. This hypothesis, while making little impact on the chapters that remain, is still harrowing if you think about it too much, which I clearly have so follow me down this winding path. It's a little long but may be diabolically on point.

BASIS OF KNOWLEDGE

Let's start with what we know:

Curses are formed by the negative emotions humans harbor.

There are two canonically acknowledged events that created huge shifts in the balance between sorcerers, humans, and curses: Gojo's birth as a Six Eyes and Limitless user and Sukuna's awakening when Yuji ate the first finger.

The antiquated way the jujutsu society measures power plateaus at "special grade" which puts Gojo on equal footing with Geto even though power wise they aren't comparable. This is not to call Geto weak but, instead, to show that even in high school, the power scaling was faulty and left layers of nuance out of the equation.

HOWEVER, by the time Megumi, Yuji and Nobara enter Jujutsu Tech, some curses had evolved to verbally communicate complex articulations i.e. Mahito and Jogo.

Critically, throughout my constant poring over JJK I've gone back and forth on the why this is but the truth is in the rewatch and so is the outlier. The Earth (Jogo), the Forest (Hanami) and the Sea (Dagon) are highlighted to be the product of that which humans have always feared. This is where things get interesting and ultimately disproves one of my favorite fan theories that Dagon is a manifestation of Riko Amanai after death. Ancient curses, undoubtedly Special grade given the widespread fear they're born from and constantly replenished by. Bearing that in mind and with respect to Japan being regularly devastated by natural disasters, we as the readers can infer their relative power but also surmise that it is their age and subsequent fear that they garner that would eventually evolve them to where we see them now.

If Gojo's birth or Sukuna's awakening were the precipice for this evolution, wouldn't Dagon also be a conscious, articulate curse? Even Hanami is still in a middle ground of communicative competence. Notably, this is where the theory is born.

In this moment, Mahito is pleased to call these ancient beings friends. In explaining the way of the world to Junpei, Mahito goes on to say:

"There are spirits known as Special grade potential spirits. Cursed spirits are a culmination of cursed energy leaked from humans. An image of fear shared by the masses, even if not real... can manifest as a powerful curse."

Which we know to be true but... what fear does Mahito represent to be able to rub shoulders with the likes of such insurmountable curses?

It can't be that simple, can it? We've seen the curses yielded by abandoned, spooky and collectively stressful locations like schools and they don't hold a candle to Mahito.

THE MENACE MAHITO

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Fear the day that Yuji Itadori's heart breaks because the ensuing curse or subsequent rampage... his strength has been foreshadowed to be devastating. However, our focus in this analysis recognizes all the above and hypothesizes the origin of Mahito and their inextricable link to one another.

Ideologically, Mahito and Yuji are diametrically opposed in their assessment of life. Not really a spoiler to say that in recent chapters, Yuji's own words completely contrast Mahito's understanding of the world in his curious observation of it. 💡 If you want more insight into Mahito, the first light novel has an interesting vignette into him as a character and his motives that I didn't talk about.

Following the events of season 2, Mahito has deliberately dealt three critical hits to Yuji Itadori's soul. Delights in it, in fact. Junpei, Nanami, Nobara. Out of the ensemble cast of villains, only one character is responsible for all of the most gut wrenching losses in Jujutsu Kaisen (shout out to Mechamaru for that matter, too). It should be said that Mahito's own power, manipulating souls and recognizing the boundaries therein is, in my opinion, integral to the overall story.

Especially since we know, early on, that Yuji, as Sukuna's vessel, is a bad match-up for Mahito. It isn't until recent chapters that we recognize why that is even though it's been spoonfed to us.

Mahito vs. Yuji, Mahito's attempts to transfigure Yuji have no effect except getting into Sukuna's bad graces.

After years apart, Yuji instantaneously recognizes Yuko Ozawa despite massive cosmetic changes. (Massive shout out to the dude dressed as Nanami at Risucon that I nerded out about this with at my booth.) I feel like her introduction isn't for nothing. I assumed we'd see her again because that's how JJK typically rolls but what if she's already served her purpose?

⚠️ Implied spoiler: In later battles, Yuji is able to tune into the soul of his "opponent"

WILD CARD STRETCH: There's someone else in universe who can seemingly see a person's soul and it's Gojo.

ORIGIN HYPOTHESIS

Okay so, after all this, what is the point? Mahito is an anomaly of a curse and for him to have inflicted such big name carnage in terms of the plot shouldn't be ignored either.

At the beginning, I acknowledged the two main events that caused a major shift in jujutsu society as we know it. But in truth, there's one more major event that has been intrinsically woven throughout the fabric of this story. That being the death of Riko Amanai and Gojo's subsequent transcendence.

Due to the shift caused by Gojo's power up, the volume of curses that sprung up became burdensome that summer. Causing a further divide between Gojo and Geto and, ultimately, part of the wedge that sent Geto down his path to destruction. But, if Gojo's birth caused the scales to tip... how could the universe (encompassing sorcerers, humans, and curses) restore balance from an unmitigated windfall of power?

Spawning another aberration: Mahito.

Where curses are typically a byproduct of humans and beholden, in some way, to the conditions of their negative emotions, Mahito doesn't really strike me as something specific enough to be as strong as they are without some significant origin. Jogo, Dagon and Hanami all have physical attributes that are a nod to what they hail from.

While there could be cultural nuance or lore that I don't have access to as a Western reader, Mahito's heterochromia, patchwork skin and, at times, seemingly horse-like legs don't really strike me as a well known allusion to anything else. What if that's the point? What if he's not the product of human fear or negative emotions? What if he's actually the evolution of sorcerer's negative fears and emotions as a subsequent counter balance to Gojo?

EVIDENCE

As the initial fight between Nanami and Mahito unfolds, during his extrapolation of Mahito, is it not weird that even he thinks to compare them?

JJK exposition is typically executed so nonchalantly, in conversations that go right over the reader's head... until the moment it lands. So even offhand comments here and there tend to foreshadow something or someone that becomes critical to the plot:

The Occult Club's conspiracy about spirits on the field making people sick immediately shown to be true when Megumi shows up which demonstrated an existing sensitivity to the supernatural and ultimately ties in to Yuji's gigantic reveal of a back story which suggests even if he wasn't "in the know" he was always doomed for a life in jujutsu society.

Yuji's grandfather, on his death bed, trying to explain to Yuji about his parents falling on obstinate ears. LITTLE DID WE KNOW.

Megumi mutters to himself about Maki (as "Zenin") long before she becomes a pillar in the story, comparing Yuji to her in terms of birth/power. Meanwhile, Maki is cast as a reiteration of Toji and razes hell upon the birth line that created them both (if Itafushi is next gen SatoSugu, Maki is a restorative for Toji).

Megumi talks about Okkotsu being the only second year he respects. Those caught up on the manga are aware of Okkotsu's behemoth importance well beyond his role in JJK 0.

During the juvenile detention center arc, again, Megumi refers to the juvenile who killed a young girl while driving without a license and fan theories suggest that this could very well be the man who killed Rika Orimoto.

Frequently, we get a pin-size remark that casually provides some surface context but it never feels without reason and more than half of these are in the very first episode. It's also interesting that these expository moments are usually handled by largely straight laced Megumi or people like Yuji's grandfather and Nanami. Like Gege can only trust the plot in their overly serious and curmudgeon-y hands 😂

Cut back to Nanami's fight, Mahito's playfully torturous curiosity and taunts are that of someone who knows they've already won. Even as Nanami's cursed energy exponentially increases in overtime, Mahito is simply awed but not deterred from the fight trusting in the inevitability of their strength over that of any human's or sorcerer's.

Even this mirthful moment reminds me of Gojo testing Nobara outside of that apartment complex where he facilitated her first experience with a Tokyo curse. To see if she's really crazy because that's what survives as a sorcerer. But it gives way to another interesting piece of evidence.

In Nanami's assessment of Mahito, he surmises that, despite the strength of the curses it's a child. Relatively "young" compared to the ancient curses of the Earth, the Forest and the Sea and, yet, capable to stand shoulder to shoulder with them. Isn't that odd? Can't just be born of undirected hate. After all, even Mahito's conversation about Love, Hate and Indifference in the scheme of Mahito's origin seems to muddle the fact that most people are satisfied with indifference until possessed by something else... like revenge. A convenient solution Mahito offers Junpei after this exchange and what ultimately set Junpei as a pawn in his larger plan.

Junpei: Don't you think that whoever first said "The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference"... must be rotting in hell? There's no way hating people is better than feeling indifferent toward them. The opposite of 'like' is 'hate'. Complicating simple answers for the sake of meaning is such a Japanese thing to do. Mahito: People like wordplay. After all, people can't live without making excuses.

As their fight concludes in a draw, Nanami further exposes a possible timeline for Mahito's materialization which is why I've historically assumed it was in line with Sukuna's awakening but, to scale, that would have precipitated a grossly exacerbated evolution to the unfathomable body count Nanami surmises.

I can't help but note Nanami's reference to greedily enjoying one's growth is also on par with Gojo's attitude about power and encouragement to Megumi to "be greedier". Not only with how he fights but how he lives which is being echoed in the current events of the manga.

After all, nothing is included for no reason.

All things considered, Mahito's impression of their own strength and confidence very much puts me in the mind of Satoru Gojo pre-death of Riko Amanai but especially after his resurrection and mastery of reversed curse energy and optimizing Limitless. Gojo never really loses his playfulness but Gojo also never really gives in to the seduction of his own power quite as much. I mean, until he meets a foe he can go all out against.

So what if, in response to Gojo's insane and unprecedented power up, Mahito is born? What if Gojo precipitates a curse born of unheard of origins, that of sorcerer's negative emotions. A product of sorcerer's jealousy toward his strength, a product of Geto's own envy, a product of Gojo's guilt or shame in being left behind? Is it possible that the timeline Nanami surmises correlates with the events of the Hidden Inventory/Premature Death arc(s)?

Are Gojo's similarity to Mahito only surface level? In many ways, we've seen where this generation of first and second years are a second chance at resolving that which Gojo and Geto put into action with their own hubris. How similar paths they have walked but where Gojo's cultivation of Megumi in response to his own loss is coupled with the temperament of Yuji's soul and yields different results. There were many points in Gojo and Geto's history where things could have gone differently but their missteps landed jujutsu society where we are now.

But is that enough? Or is Mahito further punishment for SatoSugu's confidence before the fall? One that burdens the first current years as a test of their resolve?

Imagine if SatoSugu had just kissed and made up before. Where would we be now?

SUMMARY

TL;DNR: At the root of everything, including societal collapse, it all traces back to Gojo (and Geto) and, as we've known all along, Itafushi has the power to restore what was lost.

[starrclown]

Very specific LMK headcannons that is basically me projecting onto legos but the personal ones are saved for the characters I like and the average ones are for the ones I don't know much about, I don't really care about, or just straight up don't like (Part 1)

I made this because a comic I wanna make is gonna take a minute and I like the headcannon posts I make.

MK

Didn't know what he wanted to be when he grew up for years. He has a bunch of interests and talents so that confused him on what he should pressue. Eventually when he got to be a senior in high-school he bit the bullet and just decided to work for Pigsy.

Wasn't directly bullied in high-school but people made jokes about him being on the poorer side. He understands that their just joking but sometimes it genuinely bothers him.

Has a hard time focusing especially when it comes to educational subjects. He tries his hardest but he gets distracted. This heavily impacted his grades but he was to scared to ask help from Pigsy or Tang so he struggled in silence.

Mei

Struggled with her femininity for years. Her mother forced her to wear makeup, do her hair, and dress extremely feminine. Eventually she resented it and hated having to get dressed in a extremely feminine style. When she got older she started bracing makeup and dresses on her own terms. She will wear a dress but she goes for a more masculine style.

Hates people thinking that she never had to work for anything just because her parents are rich.

Sometimes gets to rough when she messing around and ends up hurting Mk. She feels extremely bad about it and apologizes about 50 times.

Redson

Is really insecure about his appearance because his parents used to point out what the deemed unattractive. They weren't trying to be intentionally mean but they continued to do it.

Has a weird relationship with his mom. He loves her and would love to have a stronger relationship with her. They can get along and have a atcual child and mother relationship. Redson feels like she doesn't love him because of the outbursts Princess Iron Fan had had at him. She has said some genuinely damaging things that he still thinks about.

The idea of marrying someone terrifies him because he's afraid his quirks and flaws will cause someone to become sick of him and then leave him.

Has very low empathy for people he doesn't know. He tries to show he understands and feels for their situation but he just can't.

I was gonna add Macaque and Wukong but I atcually do wanna work on my comic. I'm gonna try and get it out before my birthday (it's my birthday tomorrow :D!! I'm turning 15!! I'm ancient now 😔) but I make no promises.

I got this idea from 2 of my mutals so thank them 🫶 (also I have 159 followers and that's WILD. It's not alot but it's still weird!)

- ⭐️StarClown⭐️

[flutteringphalanges]

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Adam Warlock x Star Lord!Sister Reader

Prompt: All babies get sick. You knew that. And yet, when yours caught a cold, it was the worst feeling in the world. If it wasn’t for Adam, you’d really be a mess. Just another bump in the road of parenthood--but also another sign of how great of a father he truly was. 

Word Count: 1,613

A/N: Hello, hello! Another one shot installment to my Adam Warlock x Star Lord!Sister Reader baby series! Here is the LINK to the master-list of all of the one shots! Requests are open! To those who have sent some in, I promise I will get to them! I also plan to do more with Aydith being different ages besides a baby so please send some suggestions in if you’d like! Thank you guys so much for your support! Here we go! -Jen

                                   The Lion Sleeps Tonight

It was just a cold. A simple runny nose accompanied by the occasional cough and low grade fever. Something you had personal experience with in your (age) years of life. It was nothing. A mere inconvenience. But now, sickness played a different role since you became a parent--or, rather when your child fell ill. The feeling of helplessness brought on by not being able to take it away at once and give them comfort. It was just a cold, but it was your baby’s. That was one of the many awful feelings you felt. 

You watched with exhaustion as Adam paced around the room, lightly bouncing Aydith in his arms. She had been crying for what felt like an eternity now. It didn’t help that the damn cold hit right around when she had begun to really teeth. You were at a loss of what to do. Mantis had offered to put her asleep, but you didn’t want her to use any powers on your daughter. Not when she was so little. Not when you didn’t know how it could impact her. If you hadn’t brought her to Earth to visit your grandfather last weekend, this wouldn’t have happened. How were you supposed to know the bug was going around? 

“This is all my fault.” You exhaled, shaking your head. Gods, you just wanted to cry with her. “I exposed our baby and now she’s infected. I’m a horrible mother.”

Adam made his way over to you, Aydith’s cries only amplifying. At this point, you were quite sure that all of Knowhere had been awakened by them. How such a little thing could be so loud was a question you didn’t have an answer to. Just like how you didn’t have an answer as to how to ease your daughter’s distress. 

“This is no fault of yours, Y/N. And it is impossible for you to even be remotely considered a below average parent. Please don’t ever think like that.” He tried to assure you, his tone sympathetic. “I’ve done a great deal of reading and it is quite common for human infants to contract it. Our child is half Sovereign, I am more than certain that being so lessens the chances of this developing into anything serious.” 

He had done research. A lot of it. As soon as Aydith let out her first cough, Adam had gone into protective parent mode and scoured through the entirety of what felt like every medical file in the galactic internet in search of answers. Meanwhile, you had reluctantly allowed Nebula to run some scans knowing full well that your baby was more than safe. That the Luphomoid would never do something that would put her in harm’s way. Still you worried, even after your partner was relatively satisfied with what he found. 

“She sounds so miserable, and it’s like nothing I do makes any difference.” You looked over at Adam as he took a seat beside you. “I hate this. I hate this more than any of those assholes we’ve ever had to fight--and I’m not trying to be dramatic, but this is my baby and she is upset and nothing I try helps! I…” You inhaled deeply, trying to reel yourself back in. “When I first met you, I didn’t think it was possible to fall so deeply in love again--and even though this is a different kind of love, I just feel like I’m failing.” 

Adam’s cheek rested against the baby’s as he maneuvered her so he had a free arm to put around you. “Your feelings are more than valid, my love. I wish I could ease your stress equally as much as I wish for our daughter’s recovery.” He leaned over and pressed a kiss to your temple. “You need your rest. I can tell you are very tired. Let me take care of Aydith.” 

You shook your head, fighting back a yawn. That would’ve only proved his point. “I’m fine.” You told him firmly. “I don’t need sleep. Not when she is like this.” 

“But you do, especially as you’ve had the same exposure as her.” Adam countered, gazing straight into your eyes. “You becoming sick like her won’t do either of you any benefits, my love, so please, I implore you to sleep. Please don’t make me call upon Mantis to assist you.” He really had an odd way of saying things sometimes. “Deal?”

Adam was right. You really needed to rest. All of your energy had been spent long ago worrying and taking care of your daughter. As much as you hated to admit it, you weren’t any use to her if you were out of commission yourself. Frowning softly, you gave in and nodded. 

“Okay.” You responded reluctantly, but finally agreed. “But if she seems like she is getting worse, you’ll get me up. And you won’t let me sleep too long.” 

“I suppose that is reasonable enough.” He accepted as Aydith whined, wriggling in his grasp. Adam shifted her to his other shoulder and gently patted her back. “I shall take her in another room so it is quieter for you. We’ll be fine, won’t we, my tiny comet?” 

Your mouth curved into a small smile, the first you’ve had in awhile. He was so good with her. So amazing that it made you love him that much more. You couldn’t ask for a better father for your child. And Gods did he adore her too. Talk about you hitting the jackpot. 

You leaned in, kissing Aydith’s flushed cheek. “Only a nap, nothing too long.” You reminded Adam, taking a moment to kiss him. “And if she gets worse…” 

“You have my word,Y/N. But I assure you, all will be well. Aydith is strong like her mother.” He hummed, glancing over at his daughter. “Now we will step out so you can sleep. I love you dearly and, though she cannot talk yet, I know Aydith shares my feelings too.” 

“I love you both too.” And you wished there was a more powerful word to convey that. 

Lying on your bed, you didn’t expect for you to fall asleep as quickly as you did. You honestly thought your body would fight your mind over remaining conscious. But you were gone. Floating in a dreamless state. A dark void enveloping you in a tight embrace. If it wasn’t for the distant sound of rhythm, perhaps you would’ve stayed there.

Your eyes opened, mind still fuzzy from sleep as you sat up. The music you heard was definitely there, not something you had dreamed up. And something about the tune felt so familiar. Adam and Aydith were nowhere to be seen--but what was more surprising, you couldn’t hear the softest of whimpers. Slightly worried, you forced your body up and made your way over to the doorway that led to the small space that served as your living room. The music grew louder as you quietly peeked in. 

The Lion Sleeps Tonight by The Tokens. That’s why you recognized it. You didn’t remember much from your childhood on Earth, but you had the vaguest of memories of your mother playing that along with a few other songs when she was trying to coax you and Peter into falling asleep during a long car ride. You noticed the clunky radio Phyla had gifted to you--or rather, Aydith, as a present. The thing was pretty old and banged up, but that kinda gave it character. You looked away from it, your attention suddenly drawn to the figure standing right in the center of the room. 

What Adam was doing, you couldn’t exactly call it dancing. It was more so like a bobbing, rocking sort of motion that kinda gave off the impression of someone having literal ants in their pants. Sometimes he’d sway back and forth before immediately stopping in his tracks to do knee bends. It was the strangest and yet, oddly cute thing you’d ever seen him do. And when you listened closely, he was even singing under his breath. Until that moment, it hadn’t even clicked in your mind that he was still holding Aydith. Nor that she was finally asleep. 

“Hey.” You whispered, trying your best not to startle him. “Whatcha doing?” 

Adam’s head snapped in your direction. “Oh! I’m sorry, did I wake you?” You shook your head and he sighed in relief. “Good. I have successfully aided our child.” “I can see that.” You smiled, making your way over to him. “You give Peter a run for his money with those moves.” 

Adam beamed. “I call it The Dad Disco--I’m not quite sure what disco looks like, but I really liked the sound of it.” He looked down at the baby and you could’ve sworn his eyes sparkled. “I must admit, I was growing concerned but then when she finally fell asleep…well, I feel very accomplished now. I’m glad she’s out.”

“Me too.” You replied, admiring your daughter in his arms. “You’re an amazing dad, you know that?” 

“I certainly couldn’t do it without you. We make quite the team, don’t we?” Adam smiled at you.

“Yeah. I’d say we’re pretty great together.” You reached out and lightly touched her small hand. “She makes it all worth it, huh?” 

“Every millisecond.” He fell silent, eyes fixed on her before focusing on you. “If she stays asleep when I put her down in the crib, would you care to have a dance with me? I promise that we don’t have to do The Dad Disco. That’s more reserved for Aydith.” 

You gave him a grin. “I think I would like that very much.”