#I want him to live so I’ve decided that The Judge (cut character who can purify rot) is a member of the colony and they fix Hunter

[mushroominaforest]

Okay, I know I said I was gonna make art for Inv and Saint instead of Hunter and Arti again, but I really wanted to draw this one scene from my au lol

the art is under the cut, tw for body horror, there is an almost Hunter long legs in it (not quite fully rotted yet tho)

For those who don’t want to see that (fair enough) It’s basically Arti encountering Hunter having a not very good time while she’s on a hunting mission for the colony. This is the first time she’s seen him since she abandoned him btw.

Yay! Such a cute scene of the twins reuniting after so long of being apart! <3

[ladiemars]

I love Nor and her giant sad puppy eyes, I would love to know more about her

thank you!! have a hastily drawn nor ft. her giant sad sopping wet puppy eyes:

+ a giant nor lore dump below the cut જ⁀➴

➸ her whole character was inspired by that one textpost that’s like, “characters with both the abject terror and desperation of an animal that knows it is cornered and destined to be eaten. you just can't get that kind of angst out a successful hunter” and this quote by james harriet: “if having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans.”

➸ she’s is the product of a union between a drow woman and a deep imaskari man. for those who don’t know, the deep imaskari are a human subrace (from 3e) that have stone-like skin and hair that’s white or black. because that’s nor’s human half, most people assume she’s completely drow upon meeting her, since did not inherit any features from her father that would make her look less like her drow mother.

➸ the deep imaskari live longer than other humans—up to 550 years—so nor ages at a rate more akin to drow and elves than half-elves or humans. nor believes she’s currently around seventy years old, though she could be off by a decade or two. she’s not sure when she was born and has long periods without human contact. she really isn’t sure how much time has passed.

➸ she has no given name, but eventually ended up going by the name ratcatcher, which is what the locals in baldur’s gate called her. halsin is the one who names her nor shortly after they meet, which is the elven word for “passion” and also “run.”

➸ this excerpt from one of my fics sums up her urchin/orphan to urban ranger/beastmaster pipeline pretty well:

➸ around the age of twenty, nor grew to resent humanity so much that she decided to leave baldur’s gate and live in the forest with only animals for company for half a century. (this is when she lost track of time completely.) in the forest, she became an expert in survival, attuning her ears to the slightest twitch in the air, to every noise and smell. she lived in a cave and slept curled up beside velvet on a bed of willow leaves. the events of baldur’s gate 3 is the first time in decades that she’s had social interaction.. and it shows.

➸ she has a little wolfdog companion named velvet. (i’ve drawn him and her and halsin and scratch here). he was another half-breed who didn’t quite being anywhere, so they bonded very deeply. (fun fact: velvet killed the elder brain in my first playthrough as nor. he’s a legend in faerun now.)

➸ laezel is her bestie. they are ride or die. neither of them understand a damn thing about faerun or its inhabitants. but that also means they don’t judge each other for anything, cause they both just kind of assume what the other is doing is normal

➸ a big part of her character is her dynamic with the emperor. she gets manipulated by him so bad because he tells her everything a forgotten, unloved creature wants to hear: i need you, i’ll protect you, you’re not like other people, we’re a team, you can trust me, i want you to join me, you aren’t alone. it’s not until he begins to pressure and compel her to become illithid against her will she starts to fear him and his power over her, and after certain revelations she realizes he was using her and turns on him altogether.

➸ obviously she romances halsin. i love the dynamic of beastmaster/druid. they’re extremely well suited because they’re both such inherently good people and they bond a lot over their love for nature. they are also the only two people who can really understand each other’s animalistic quirks.

i’ve written some fics with her that you can read here if you’re interested. >:3c

[mytragedyperson]

Thoughts I had while reading TCF chapter 12

Deputy butler hans was one of the first people to be victimised by Cale, idc. My man is just living in confusion at this point, and every time he tries to clarify, he gets nothing exept maybe more confusion.

Cale may not seem like trash anymore but he does seem 10x more insane and unhinged than before I’d say. Love that for him.

Hans is a really good judge of character actually. He’s the first to realise Cale is/could be dangerous. Good for him.

Love that Hans seeming ruder is actually just him calling Cale out for his bullshit. You go Hans. You’re like the one person who isn’t just an enabler and occasionally thinks to ask Cale what he’s actually doing. Sorry, I may have a bias for deputy butler Hans which is only made worse by the fact that, IMO, he isn’t talked about enough. Also, really he’s just more comfortable which we love to see. It’s just too bad that now he’s going to be living a life of confusion and obliviousness, but as long as he’s happy, that’s fine.

Honestly Cale being like really? This guy is the most reliable deputy butler we have? Well, I guess I’m taking him to the capital as well. Deruth is torn between being relieved that someone who reports to him is there to keep and eye on things and being upset because his favourite deputy butler is gone. This only gets worse when Cale decides to extend his trip. Also, I feel like Hans slowly starts leaving things out of his reports. Like he’s thinking “do I tell him the young master smuggled two people into the capital? Hmm. You know what, I don’t think I will.”

Ok so I saw something recently that was talking about Dragon people and how he hoards people and the trip to the capital is proof. He brings everyone he has some sort of bond or relationship with, and along the way collects a few more. He may not be a full dragon but I feel like he’s an honorary dragon at this point. Like there’s been an adoption process, but there’s a slight disagreement over who adopted who. Cale likes to think that, because it’s his group, he adopted the dragons as family members, and most of the dragons are happy to let him think that, because they find it cute, but really, let’s face it, they’ve adopted Cale. Yes, even Raon. Eventually, they settle on, we adopted each other. But my point was part of the reason Cale attracts Dragons, is because he’s already so similar to them, and he doesn’t try to control them, that I’ve seen. If they want to join him for a plan, or something, he’ll make it work, but he’s never forced Raon or Eruhaben to do anything from what I can remember. I might be wrong though. And because of this he’s an honorary Dragon and his hoard is people, and Ancient Powers, etc. honestly he just likes hoarding things in general, wealth, resources, information, people, secrets – his and other people’s.

But Cale is so precious. He says he wants Ron away from him, but if he doesn’t see him in a while, he always remembers to ask about him. Do you think he realises Ron is already part of his small hoard? Like, he clearly doesn’t but that just makes it cuter.

I love that we can figure out the relationship between Ron, Choi Han and Beacrox just form the couple scenes they’re in. like, we don’t see every interaction they have, but from the interactions we do see, we can, not only tell that things aren’t quite as smooth sailing as Cale hopes, but also infer what their other interactions that we don’t see are like. and then it cuts to Cale lik I’m so glad they’re getting along as expected. In some ways it reminds me of the this is fine meme. You know, the one where the house is on fire and they’re just like this is fine. Only Cale actually does think this is fine, and actually is oblivious to the house burning down.

And he’s so happy that his people are getting along, but sure, it’s because “this is just like the novel”. Sure, hun, we’ll let you believe that. As long as you’re happy, we’re happy. And so is Hans

And once again Hans is confused. Every time he tells Cale something he thinks is a good thing, it’s somehow not. Someone give this man a raise, he deserves it.

Look at Hans, so happy to be complimented, completely unaware that he’s just sealed his fate by confirming he knows 3 basic martial arts. Somehow, I feel like he won’t be that put out about it, not as much as he would’ve been on day one

Also the fact that Hans has just casually been holding the kittens this entire conversation. That sounds adorable. I love that. Also, am I just forgetting or have we not gotten a description of Hans’ appearance. I only ask because I want to be able to visualise him in scenes better.

Ok so I looked it up and oh my god, he looks so cute.

Honestly, The Fragrance of Tea with Poetry sounds so relaxing.

Also, Billos is part of the hoard, but you didn’t hear that from me because he doesn’t realise it yet and Cale is in denial.

Honestly I love Billos’s approach. It’s not I’m going to make them acknowledge me because I’m their son, it’s I’m going to make them acknowledge me as their son because I’m more important/better than them. You go Billos, I’m rooting for you.

Also I want to be clear, on my first read through, I only got to about chapter 150 -160, somewhere around there, Clopeh had only just been mentioned/introduced, but I took a break and then, when I came back, I couldn’t remember a thing that was going on, so if I say something I’ve heard about this story, that happens after that point, and it’s wrong, that’s why. My knowledge of it is coming from one reaction fic, set after all these events, starting at chapter 1. So it’s probably right, but I don’t know

Anyway, that being said, Cale not liking people who don’t fight for what theirs makes so much sense with both what I’ve heard of him as Kim Rok Soo, but also in general. He doesn’t realise it but he’s constantly fighting for what’s his, his people. I think that’s why him and Billos get along so well. They’re kinda similar in that they’re both ready and willing to fight for what’s theirs and if they can make a profit off it, even better.

God, Cale is so accepting. He doesn’t care whether you’re human or another race. Can you help him? Great. If it doesn’t get in the way of how useful a person is, he doesn’t care. And, honestly, even if it does, he doesn’t necessarily dislike them. He only dislikes things that get in the way of his slacker life, and that’s so real of him.

The real reason Cale isn’t around Billos that much is because Billos can see right through him and tell when he’s just pretending to be annoyed. That must be Cale’s worst nightmare. Wdym he can’t just pretend to be annoyed to hide how he really feels? Oh my god, Cage and Taylor do this too, can tell he’s actually a kind person. It makes so much sense. Everyone he tries to push away can see right through him, that’s why it doesn’t work, but that’s also why he tries in the first place. I was gonna say I know he wasn’t trying here but I stand by this, and I still do, because this is what Cale does, tries to push away those who see him as a good person, maybe in an attempt to protect them so they don’t get hurt. If something bad has happened to everyone he’s cared about, he wouldn’t want to care, but you can’t just stop yourself from caring, and Cale is a very caring person, so he does the next best thing, he pretends, tries to convince himself and everyone else that he doesn’t care and he’s just using people, and he’s managed to convince himself, but everyone else sees him for the caring person he really is. Maybe he’s not even lying when he calls himself selfish, maybe in his head caring about others and letting them stay around him is selfish because it could lead to something bad happening to them.

I’m sorry, even Billos, who, as far as we know, had no conversations with OG Cale and if he did they were limited, has noticed that Cale has changed. The saddest part of this story is realising the reason Cale typically doesn’t do much to act like trash is because he already thinks he is trash, so considers everything he does trashy or selfish or some otherwise negative. Someone give Cale hug.

Cale: possibly accidentally convincing Billos he’s tired of being trash

Ron, overhearing: what a precious puppy young master, so cute.

Cale’s thoughts: I’m still going to do whatever I want. I’m still trash

No one knows what Cale is thinking, including Cale.

Imagine living in a world where you can ask someone if they’ve always been a tarshy young master, and it’s not even an insult. Imagine being so earnest, so genuine, that you can ask someone this as a genuine, honest question, with no insult or judgement intended.

Love how everyone can just kinda tell he prefers honesty and genuine questions and getting straight to the point and just being generally blunt instead of tiptoeing around the subject and being polite just because he’s a noble. For someone who keeps his cards close to his chest, he’s somehow also an open book to anyone who talks to him for more than five seconds, unless he doesn’t like them. Also love how even little details like this make sense and are fairly consistent. Later on we learn Violan is blunt because she grew up around merchants and stuff, and Billos is the illegitimate son of the leader of the merchant guild, and also probably spends a fair bit of time around other merchants, so it makes sense that he’d also be very blunt, because that’s just how merchants are.

And as we all know Cale is very good at figuring out ways to make money, and some of these are very creative and outside the box.

Cale might just be the perfect reversal of Deruth’s thought of there are times when the body is stronger than his mind. Like, yes, this is true, sometimes you need brawn to win battles, and that contributes to winning the war. But physical strength alone cannot win the war, and the physically strong people aren’t usually all brawn, and even the ones that are have someone smart standing next to them offering their assistance. And it’s intelligence, tactics, knowledge, that truly win a war. That and charisma, and that is what Cale has, That’s why he is the perfect leader and commander. He may not be the strongest physically, but he makes up for that in Charisma and intelligence, and more than that, he treats the people around him as equals, and he doesn’t put them in situations more dangerous than he’s willing to face himself, so he also has the morale, respect and support of his people. Sometimes the body is stronger than the mind, but Cale and his group are the perfect example of how intelligence and knowledge are really what matters.

How does one act like trash at 8 years old? Most “trashy” behaviour you can do at that age would seem bratty at wors. Also I’m sorry, but the idea of little 8 year old OG Cale, sitting there, trying to figure out how to convincingly act trashy is adorable and really funny to me. Like, him sat, with a serious expression on his face, or trying to act like trash and no one really taking it entirely serious at first.

Also I feel like, to some extent, Cale has some level of respect for OG Cale and is a little impressed and amazed by him, and I like that. Honestly, I need the fic where most of the stuff is the same, like Kim Rok Soo still goes to that world, but instead of replacing Cale, the GoD figures out a way to just send KRS there and OG Cale is still Cale, so KRS basically does everything the same, only he also befriends OG Cale. And everyone else in his crew is a little annoyed at OG Cale, except Cale who is just kind of amused by his trashy act which he sees through in 5 seconds. He also still prevents OG Cale from getting beat up by Choi Han, and just kinda drags Cale around as he goes on his adventure, and eventually Cale grows on the others and they all just end up being amused and endeared to him. The Henituse family is confused, but KRS seems to bring out a better, happier side of Cale so they’re fine with it. This features a lot of KRS teasing Cale, and later everyone else teasing him. So everything is the same only KRS and OG Cale both exist in the TBOAH world. So, if you have a fic rec, please provide. I’m sorry but you can’t tell me that KRS wouldn’t take one look at 18 year old Cale Henituse, pretending to be trash and just adopt him, because when I say Cale is a dragon, I mean KRS Cale. OG Cale would be adopted so fast.

I feel like that’s such a good message. The whole it’s okay to throw away something you’ve spent a lot of time doing. If it’s not bringing you joy anymore, or you just feel like a change is in order, go for it. My mum has mentioned a couple times going back to university or something but won’t because she sees herself as too old, and that’s bullshit. If there’s something you want to do, or a change you want to make, and it’s not going to hurt anyone, you should do it. And, even if it does hurt people, as long as it’s not illegal and it makes you happy, you should do it. It’s your life.

No wonder everyone believed him, he sounds so passionate about it.

He’s just so respectful. He acknowledges that they have different goals, but is still so supportive about it ugh.

Wait, is Cale one of the first people to believe Billos can achieve his goals, to encourage his ambitions. Maybe his uncle did but I wouldn’t imagine anyone else really does. And he wonders why he can’t get rid of people, when he’s one of the first people to believe in them, to encourage them, to support them. I feel like Alberu because he’s driving me crazy. He seems so relieved that someone believes in him, so happy.

On a different note, I remembered the scene of Cale going to kitchen 2 and casually collecting people as he went so he had like 4 people following him, and that is both a crazy powerful image to me but also just the perfect way to summarise this story. Him just going places and casually collecting people on his way until he has like, entire kingdoms and territories following him, and I think that’s so powerful of him.

He really thought Billos would still follow Choi Han instead of him after not even a proper interaction, when he’d just given Billos the encouragement he needed. Cale is a clown,

Also I’m not being funny, Billos has literally no reason to follow Choi Han. I know we don’t know what happened in the books, but here Billos knows nothing about him, except he was with Cale. He doesn’t even know how strong he is as far as we know. The interaction in the capital, I imagine, happens after the terror attack, when Choi Han manages to save some of the people, but that doesn’t happen the same way. And that is what Cale blissfully ignores/doesn’t realise.

Cale, what did you expect. To Ron, it seems like you were having a real heart-to-heart. Of course, he assumed you know him.  And then your answer is phrased like a question, as if you’re unsure if you’re close with him. How can someone so smart be so oblivious to how the things they say or do come across? I’m not even sure if Ron believes him or not. There’s every chance he thinks Cale is just embarrassed to admit it for whatever reason.

Yep, and now Choi Han thinks everything he’s heard about how trashy you are are rumours. Oh well, this is the consequences of your actions, I’d say this is a fairly good consequence all things considered. Choi Han probably feel more positive towards him than he would if the rumors were proven correct.

Yes, yes, Cale giving Ron lemon tea is funny, it’s good revenge for the lemon torture. But how did he know Ron didn’t like lemon tea? Was it in the books or just a lucky guess? Either way Cale is a little shit and we love him for it.

fun fact: i wrote this on word first and it partially took up like 5 pages. also have the photo of Hans I found as a treat.

[hazelcephalopod]

Alright so. I’ve had the experience of When Calls the Heart (Hallmark) bc my mom is watching it. Here’s my thoughts so far.

1- Idk if this show has a historical consultant. But if so whosever it’s is seems to have a policy of “show up when I want and say what I want”.

2- the most based take this show has had I’m 12? season is “Pinkerton’s suck”.

3- Every time something interesting almost happens it is over in moments.

4- a woman had chicken pox (it’s roughly 1912) and looked stunning the whole time.

5- truly. Plz. Let these people act! I’m falling asleep.

6- shout out to the first couple episodes of season 1 where things are actually happening, people get to act, and it feels like a better consultant is on set.

7- Did I mention that the historical accuracy is not very good? It’s not, but admittedly most of it is just ok the cusp of “that’s too early or skirting the edge or too early”. No wonder peoples view of the past is so skewed. That said it has started to get better, I can only assume whoever their consultant is care more about this or the upcoming era.

8- this series is based on a Christian book series. I find it very funny that despite this they have struggled to keep a pastor.

9- the cast history is hilarious. Here are the reasons—

A) the love interest character (a mounts) from the books, his actor wanted to leave so they just killed him and had no idea what to do with the main characters romance plot. So they just gave her two love interests and a baby. She has somehow convinced herself that she wants the lightly shady salon owner -btw I was so excited for him to be shadier but no, not really- and not the new mounty she’s clearly in love with. Also the new Mounties niece-daughter (adoption) has been shipping them since they met and adopted Mc as her new mom by flrce. Including only inviting her uncle/dad and MC to her adoption hearing.

b) remember that California college s candle a few years ago? The mom actress from that was one of the best actors and characters on the show. Bc of it they cut her out and removed her scenes abruptly and just did a voice over that she left. Oh this also meant the child actor playing her adopted son had to be cut. Poor kid. Also her character had like 3-5 live interests Thru the show.

c) the intermittent villain -whose villainy is frankly, deeply boring- is bacially main cast. He keep becoming good only to be a villain. He’s sorta the bad boy more old pathetic wet man with high blood pressure faced with mortality. Possibly most interesting character on the show. I think he used to be in soap operas. For the first few seasons whenever I saw him I thought he was a different person. He was previous female characters (above) love interest and rival.

d) the sheriff used to be a mounty. He’s also the town judge -no training for that besides mounty, and also hates lawyers- and almost mayor. He hates all new things. He owned a cafe with the kicked off character (above) and was also her love interest, and also of course the above guys rival -they have sorta become friends since then. his actor used to play a major villain in at least one soap opera. (Aside I’ve decided rn to start shipping the old men)

10- the MC best friend had to leave -as she was the one written off due to the actress personal scandal- so they had to make the quirky mild problem character her new best friend. New best friend used to be MV dead husbands fiancé before they broke up bc it was not ever happening. She is the only character who speaks with a North Atlantic accent Bc she was a NY actress before moving back to the Canadian rockies(? Wherever they are), the actress kills it tbh -she was also the one who looked immaculate despite having chicken pox as an adult.

12. The costuming is spotty. Beginning? Excellent. Middle? Looks like it came from the macys catalogue of the current year. Recently? Slightly better depending on character. Tbh for a bit I thought maybe the actors were supplying their own costumes, so it really boiled down to how much each actor cared and how good at cosplay they were.

[all-for-the-simps]

Who is Frost?

CoD x Original Character  Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II 

Context: This is like an AU type deal. I have never played CoD, I’ve only watched the MW2 cutscenes but I am obsessed and I simp for these characters. So, I made an OC for it :). This is that OC (most of his details are mentioned throughout future fics etc etc, so he’s a bit of a mystery on purpose).

A/N: I know this is an x male reader blog, but I just wanna show you my OC (‘cause I love him)

🚫female-aligned people DNI🚫

—--

Who is Frost?

Callsign: Frost

(Real) Name: [He does not tell people his real name unless he can trust them because he wants to protect his family]

Age: 30

Pronouns: He/him

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Gay

Parents: English father, Japanese mother.

Personality: Sarcastic, extroverted, confident, sassy, a bit of a rule-breaker, chaotic in a sort of immature, childish way, fierce, fiery, headstrong, determined, strategic, intelligent, insecure at times, impulsive, value others' lives above his own, has anger issues, gets agitated easily, and sometimes irritable, talks back to superiors and doesn’t care about consequences.

More: He earned the name ‘Frost’ in the cage because he has a reputation for being cold and ruthless. It’s ironic since he is actually a very warm person by nature. He’s tall and buff and looks intimidating, but it is actually not that scary when you get to know him. He’s not a giant teddy bear or a gentle giant, by any means, he’s too rough for that. He wears a somewhat Japanese-styled shirt that’s cut like a tank top, just so he can show off his tattoos. People think he’s just a himbo, but that’s wrong, he may be fun-loving but he’s not short of intelligent. People are quick to judge him, which he finds annoying, but he proves that he’s more than what they think every time. He learned how to use a sword and other martial art techniques as a child from his grandfather and through the years, he developed those skills and joined the army, cage fighting on the side.

-----

How did Frost join 141?

Frost earned money by fighting at a semi-illegal cage fight ring.

(I say ‘semi’, because while the facility and the fighters aren’t committing a criminal offence, the people betting are.)

At the time, Price had heard about Frost from Laswell, his past training and his skills.

However, Price wanted to see the man for himself.

So, Price went out to find this ‘Frost’ guy. 

Price approached him at a bar (this bar’s basement was where the cage fighting was held) after the fights were over for the night.

Frost was confused about who he was and what Price wanted with him.

Price realised the bar was still full and it’s kind of awkward to ask someone “Hey! You’re soldier material, wanna join my fuckin’ special task force?”

Like no one does that.

So, what Price did was write the address of the base on a piece of paper and give it to Frost and straight up left with little to no introduction or explanation.

It went like this: - Price: “Nice fighting.”

- Frost: “Thanks.”

- Price: “My name is Captain Price of Task Force 141.”

- Frost: “... Oooookaaay???”

- Price: “Meet me here tomorrow morning.” *Hands note over*

- Frost: “... Alright, but why-”

- Price: *Walking out of the bar*

- Frost: *?????*

Frost was beyond confused at this point. Like alright, fuckin’ weirdo.

But after looking at the note, he realised it was a base of some kind.

Being the curious bugger he is, he decided that he’d go check it out.

--

So the next morning, he got up, drove to the address and was stopped at the gate by a couple of soldiers.

Unsure of what to do from here, he just showed them the note he had been handed.

- Frost: “I’m here to see a Captain Price?”

- Guard: “He gave this to you?” - Frost: “Look, man. I know you’re sceptical and shit, but honestly, I have no idea why I’m here either so like…”

When finally inside, Frost got out of the car and just kinda stood there, waiting for someone to show him to Price.

He met up with Price and was shown around the base

He then met the rest of the 141 team and they all exchanged introductions

Frost was asked about his past career and was asked to demonstrate his technique and stuff like that.

Frost did so, not really questioning it. 

When asked which kind of gun he preferred using, Frost just went: - “Uh… Katanas??”

Confusion ensues as people realise this man was mainly trained in the martial arts rather than shooty shooty pew pews.

Price asked if he could show them his sweet sweet Katana skills, so mans ran back to his car and got out his little Katana carrier box. Why he keeps it in his car, no one will ever know, he’s weird like that.

Demonstrate skill and blah blah blah, they all think he’s cool now.

Price takes Frost to his lil office thing and sits him down, explaining why he was there and who everyone was and what they were doing there.

Offers Frost a place on the team, praising his skill and saying what a good addition he would be.

Frost considers this offer for a good solid… 5 seconds before being like: - “Hell yea, dude, I’ll do it. Get paid better too.”

Price does not appreciate the name ‘dude’.

Frost apologises but sorta just laughs it off quietly.

Tells him to go pack his stuff so he can move onto the base.

Frost does that.

The rest is history.

-----

So, yeah, that's who Frost is. If you have questions, please send them in, I love answering :)

[vacantgodling]

🥺👉👈 I don’t know a lot about ovw but I’ve always thought hanzo is pretty do you have any HCs for He

KORBBBBB

firstly you’re so right, hanzo is PRETTY he’s GORGEOUS he’s HANDOME he’s PERFECT he’s—

lord i gotta calm down

even though i already did this for him i’ll expand upon my transzo thoughts since i brought them up before

so, hear me out—and this is somewhat spoiler territory into my personal interpretation of the shimada clan’s history and backstory so i’ll throw it under a cut cuz it might get long (and @valeffelees can yell at me in confusion about it later cuz this does appear in cage, just not with the trans angle pff…. or it might. i might make transzo canon in cage universe bc the more i talk about it the more i’m like wait i might be on to something here 👁️👁️)

basically: eldest daughter hanzo.

(this backstory appearing in cage as well but i’m technically considering actually rewriting and publishing my fic that talks about how hanzo got his dragons, and everything in his life leading up to when he decided to kill genji. it’s partially written and it’s called calendula requiem but yknow we move)

HOWEVER—due to high tensions with the rival hashimoto clan, hanzo is sent away after his birth and his brought up by his mother’s younger sister hanako. she is very kind to hanzo and treats him like her own child, shielding him away from the rough and dangerous mafia lifestyle that he will eventually partake in. 4 years later, genji is born and is given the same treatment however he lives with a different family member, their father’s brother who is uninvolved in family biz shit. anyway, hanzo lives with her until he’s 10 and then as the conflict dies down and/or hanzo is considered old enough to begin training to be involved in the family business, he’s forcibly returned to the main family estate in hanamura.

after this, he never hears from his aunt hanako again because she was killed so she could not reveal family secrets. hanzo only learns of her death 6 months after it happened when he tries to send her a letter and the letter is returned saying that the recipient at that address is. dead. cough. he’s never given “real confirmation” that his family killed her however he has a gut feeling that they did (and i’m telling u as the author they did pff). this destroys hanzo and he falls into a deep depression, so he is given a shiba inu to comfort him and train alongside him. a full year into being back home again, hanzo is taken into his first council with the elders and he is “formally inducted” into the clan by undergoing the ceremony to bond with his dragons.

the tldr of the event (and i have it written out so i can edit and post the excerpt at some point) is that during the ceremony you are ritually put into a near death state via poison and your spirit is then judged by the dragons. if one of the dragon spirits takes to you, it’ll save your life and bond with you—however if it doesn’t you’ll die. hanzo isn’t informed that that’s what’s going on so he’s Traumatized from this event tm (and it’s also when you meet the one original character of mine that’ll appear in cage, yayoi cuz she’s been trained under the shimada as a dragon caller basically it’s a whole thing). anyway, hanzo receives 2 dragons which is unusual. one that protects him physically and is a dragon of the sky and one that protects him emotionally which is the reincarnation of his aunt hanako’s spirit and is a dragon of the ocean. together his two dragons bond with him and create the thunder and lighting tattoo on him (so in my mind the tattoo isn’t a traditional yakuza tattoo in ink but a spiritual anchor to his dragons).

this is where the transzo headcanon weaves in: after the ceremony and hanzo receiving his dragons, despite being for all intents and purposes a prodigy in any way, the clan is very traditional in my mind so they want a male head of the clan; in this manner despite being younger and not interested in it at all, genji is selected as the heir, which creates anxiety (wanting to protect genji from the horrors he witnessed) and envy (not being good enough because he’s not “male”) and kind of forcibly starts hanzo on his transition path. he becomes colder and more set on being a better man than genji can or will be so that the clan will have no choice but to accept him as the leader that he changes his name, gets top surgery, etc etc.

he and his mother clash a lot in non-transzo headcanons but it’s even worse in transzo canon bc she’s like you’re not a man stop pretending and hanzo is like i am more of a man than genji will ever be! this also causes a bit of a wedge between the two of them. genji doesn’t like how hanzo constantly tries to one up him, but does accept his transition and would fight anyone who misgenders him. hanzo isn’t good with his words so he has a hard time articulating that he KNOWS the clan wants genji to be the head once their father retires or dies, and he wants to protect him from that.

during this time period around the time that he is 15, hanzo is forced to kill his dog because it barked at an elder out of turn. this exercise is to show him that even the most loyal of companions can and should be snuffed out if they threaten the elder’s authority—and sets the stage for genji and hanzo’s strained relationship reaching its peak.

in an assassination, their father is killed, and genji is still (despite everything) situated to become the leader of the shimada. however he says fuck that and doesn’t want to do it and refuses to take the mantle. the elders implore hanzo to persuade genji to take the mantle and he tries over the course of 6 months to try and show genji that this is the only way. genji still refuses and when hanzo returns with this news to the clan, they offer hanzo an ultimatum: get genji in line to be the head, or kill him and we will respect you as a man and declare you leader.

this choice breaks hanzo worse than his dog—and with his manhood essentially on the line, he doesn’t know what to do. he approaches genji on that fateful night and tells him that this is his last chance or he will have to put an end to it, however he hesitates and genji swings first. a fierce battle ensues, and hanzo’s rage overwhelms him and he ends up overpowering genji, leaving him for dead but unable to deliver a final blow. reality then hits him like a ton of bricks that he had just killed his brother and so he flees the scene, and hanamura entirely.

and then that weaves in the rest of the regular overwatch story but idk i think making hanzo trans kind of adds a depth to his already deep storyline to me so tbh i might add that into cage lol. it’s not “relevant” in the sense that he’s not coming out or anything but i’m gonna throw it in there actually i like this headcanon too much.

thank u for asking thoooooo and if u read this rip it’s so long

[absurdist-shitpost]

Seen a lot of arguments about whether or not it was in character for c!Tommy to attempt to reach out to c!Dream in the finale, but not a lot about how OOC it felt for Dream to respond the way he did?

Like. I’m upset about how Tommy’s character was handled for a variety of reasons but judging the stream purely by ‘do the characters act in ways that feel realistic based on how they’ve previously been characterized’ I actually think c!Dream was done far dirtier.

C!Dream is genuinely one of my favorite characters. He makes for a terrifying villain while also feeling deeply human, (and I really don’t think we needed a sympathetic flashback to further humanize him, but that’s a different topic) he’s cruel and controlling and deeply self-centered, but at the same time he craves connection to others while refusing to admit to feeling any sort of attachment out of fear.

C!Dream has always struck me as a character Deeply Afraid of vulnerability. Deeply afraid of Losing Control. I’ve seen posts floating around about how Dream’s planning relies much more heavily on improvisation and luck then he admits, and this is for a reason! Dream doesn’t want to say that he messed up, or that something went wrong, instead he’d much rather say that he was sabotaged (usually by c!tommy) or that This Was Totally the Plan All Along Guys.

It makes perfect sense for Dream to act like this! He was always a competitive and prideful person, even before Shit Got Bad, so when he (and the server more broadly) started taking things farther and farther, committing acts that he likely would have considered Too Far in the past, he responded by by digging his heals in. Because This Was Totally the Plan All Along Guys. If nothing else, c!Dream is a goddamn master of Committing To The Bit.

It’s what gives his character it’s tragedy. Because he would truly be happier just hanging out with his friends. But in the end, /he’s/ the one who cuts them off, not because of anything Tommy or anyone else did, but because he was scared that keeping them around would make him vulnerable. He becomes so blinded by his stubborn attachment (heh) to his own plans and power and this idea of godhood that not only does he ruin the lives of those around him, he ruins his /own/ life too.

And you’re telling me. That Dream, the same Dream that has tortured and abused multiple people, who has gotten /himself/ tortured and jailed, who cut off his friendships, ruined his own reputation on purpose and literally /died/ multiple times all in service of a plan that /he could’ve abandoned himself at multiple points/, That Dream, suddenly decides he gonna call it all off after a 15 minute conversation? Really?

And to be clear, I’m not saying that it feels unrealistic for Dream to regret his actions. In fact, I think it’s likely a part of him has regretted them since he started doing them. But Dream’s reaction to things going wrong has always been to either deflect or dig his heels in. To convince himself that it’s worth it. And above all, to never show Anyone that regret, because that would mean being vulnerable.

C!Tommy ‘understanding his motives’ wouldn’t make c!Dream happy or willing to listen to him, in fact it feels more in line with his character for him to be deeply angered and disturbed by this. There’s no way I can believe that c!Dream would want anyone, much less c!tommy, seeing what he likely considers to be deeply personal memories. C!Dream may want to be understood deep down, but that desire is overwhelmed by his crushing fear of being known. It’s why he cut off c!george and c!Sapnap in the first place, and why he’s dodgy in acknowledging c!Punz as more than just an ally. To c!dream, being understood means being hurt. It means giving someone else control over you.

And maybe c!Dream could overcome this, could realize he was only hurting himself and everyone around him, could realize that /this wasn’t really what he wanted/ but not in 15 goddamn minutes. Not when, from his perspective, his plan had finally come to fruition and he was in a position to obtain Goddamn Immortality. The Only Reason c!Dream was written to have such a quick turn around was because cc!Dream wanted to soften his character at the last second, despite his entire arc before this being built on him essentially sunk-cost-fallacying himself into self destructing and dragging everyone down with him.

Justice for c!Dream. In my heart of hearts you died drunk on your own hubris attempting to become an immortal death god.

[literatikoo]

Lane Kim deserved better

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I would only write Lane Kim meta when I am very very angry because I need to be powered by spite and petty energy to unravel exactly how much of a disservice this show was to Lane and by extension any Asian kid with a similar life. And, well, it's happening now, so buckle up kids, this is going to be a loooong ride because I have a lot to say.

Before we start on the negative aspects, the show got a lot of things about Lane right, which is why I care so much about her character. Yes, ASP obviously didn't know how to write a POC experience and it's seen in the way some very harmful stereotypes were propagated (the tiger mom trope, Mrs Kim's religious beliefs, the depiction of the Kim extended family etc) but at the same time Lane was beautifully written as a character, unlike her plot which left much to be desired. Lane Kim was an Asian girl with rock n roll dreams who had an extremely fraught relationship with her mother and had to fight for even a semblance of independence. And I hate to say it but a lot of daughters of Asian households are forced to hide a part of themselves from their families, so Lane's story was authentic.

Not only was Lane amazing as an individual, she was also a great friend. She was the only one who was really in Rory's corner; she never judged her and supported all of Rory's relationships (my favourite example of this is when she barely tolerated Jess in S2/3 and then did a complete 180 like 5 episodes later, all because Rory decided to finally accept she liked him). Lane never pointed out what Rory was doing wrong not because she was afraid of doing so but because the two of them had been friends for years and Lane believed that Rory would figure it out one day. Lane shows this unconditional kindness not only to Rory but to everyone. She takes in her Korean cousin and teaches her to have fun even when she's afraid that Mrs Kim has replaced her, she lets Gil be in the band because she empathises with him, she takes care of the band and prevents it from breaking up multiple times. And these are only a few examples of Lane being the kindest character on GG.

One of the best things in Gilmore Girls is that the most unproblematic, amazing guy is given to Lane. Dave Rygalski is the best love interest on the show hands down (Sorry to my boy Jess but Dave was LEAGUES ahead of him at 17) and Lane definitely deserved someone like that. Their story was adorable and I would have loved for them to be endgame. However, what grates me is that when I see people talking about Lane "deserving better," it's usually about Dave vs Zach. When Lane actually deserved better as a WHOLE and not only in terms of love interests. I always thought it made more sense for her to end up alone at the end of the og series. Because Lane was a person who craved independence and she was not going to get that while tied to some guy (even if that guy is boyfriend extraordinaire, Dave Rygalski). It's even worse when we see that Lane is the only female character on the show to be treated this way. Rory rejects marriage for her career while Lane ends up with marriage as her storyline. Lorelai and Luke get back together but their relationship is still left open ended, though arguably it would've made more sense if they got married when Lane and Zach did. Paris gets into Harvard Medical school and gets a great relationship, similarly Sookie gets the family she wanted and continues to be amazing at her job. But Lane... god Lane is the only one without an open ending, without any space for speculation of where her life might lead her. Not only did they marry her off, they also gave her a terrible first time and twins, effectively locking her to Stars Hollow. The show even cut down all hope of her being a rock n roll mom as one of her S7 storylines is choosing the kids over going on tour with Zach. She doesn't get to be her own person for more than ONE season; she's stuck with being a daughter and then a wife and then a mother.

Something else that angers me about Lane's storyline is that we never really get to see how badly her relationship with her mom affects her. Don't get me wrong, I adore Mrs Kim's redemption arc and I think it was beautifully juxtaposed to Lorelai and Rory's crumbling relationship, but having a mother like that is hard. Not only did Lane have to hide 90% of her personality from Mrs Kim but she also lived with the fact that one day she might have to choose between her dreams and her mother. In the end, Mrs Kim makes that choice for her and deals with it by kicking Lane out in S4, and yet we never really see how that negatively affects Lane. Hell, Jess acts like a broody teen for two seasons, Rory wastes six months of her life away at the DAR and they both come out of it successfully. Lane gets kicked out, figures out her own living conditions, gets a job, works insanely hard for her band and... ends up having to give her dreams up completely.

Lane and Paris shared a lot of similarities too, even if they both had different friendships with Rory. They both came from terrible families and looked to Lorelai as a mother figure, they both cared deeply for Rory, and they were both incredibly passionate about their careers. Paris made calendars and flashcards and went crazy studying for both pre med and pre law. Lane was a walking, talking music encyclopaedia, she bought CDs obsessively and organised them by genre under her floorboards, she taught herself to play the drums and then found a band to play for. And yet... only Paris becomes successful in the end, whereas Lane takes over Kim's antiques. Lane was still a musician in AYITL and she can be rock n roll even with kids but this is all hypothetical and we never see it on the show.

There is a lot of terrible, lazy writing on the show and a lot of characters get ruined because of it but with Lane, her character stays the same, they just ruin everything else for her. I think she'll be an amazing mom and will probably make her best out of doing music casually. But the writers also took something so special and destroyed it just because Lane stopped being as important to the plot as she was in seasons 1-3. Lane and Rory drifting a little after Rory leaves for Yale makes perfect sense, that's just how relationships are, always changing. And yet as Lane's importance to Rory decreased so did her importance to the writers.

Lane wasn't the kind of character that needed character development or a redeeming character arc- she was never a bad person and nothing about her had to be fixed, unlike Jess or even Paris. All she really needed was for her dreams to come true because for the first 4 seasons her dreams were the biggest fixture of her personality. Like how Jess needed to overcome his trauma and Rory needed to figure out where she fit in and Paris needed to become a girlboss, Lane needed to realise her dreams because that's where her arc was leading her. But it just didn't happen. Instead, Lane becomes 2-dimensional; a large part of her screentime is taken up by Zach problems, her dreams fall flat and she becomes tied to Stars Hollow for the rest of her life. Not to mention we see less of Lane in favour of Logan and the dickhead posse.

This is not me hating on all the other characters I've mentioned in this meta, I'm just pointing out the lack of respect the writers have for Lane in comparison to all these other people who fulfilled the role they were made for. Why would you write Lane to have all these dreams and make her struggle so hard for 4 seasons just to smash them to pieces? And why is it that one of the only POC characters on this show is treated like this?

And you can't tell me the writers didn't know what they were doing, not when this is a direct quote from Lane in S7:

"It was such a small window -- a peephole, really. For years, I was this repressed kid, and then there was the briefest of windows. And then -- slam. All of a sudden, I'm this overburdened mother. I barely got to do it, Zach. I barely got the chance to be a person."

[rainydayathogwarts]

𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐎𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔 >> 𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒

Second person p.o.v Warnings: well the title says some stuff Characters: Tony, Steve, Bucky, Thor, Clint, Peter(s), Pietro, Stephen, Sam A/N: This had to go under some editing before I have the courage to post it on here because honestly, it's either that I've read my works so much and feel nothing anymore or that it's genuinely trash. Also can someone please explain why people don't like peter quill/chris pratt please

-Tony Stark: "341... 342... 343..." You counted your pushups under your breath. You and Tony had made a bet: he thought Steve could do more pushups than you could, but in the heat of the moment, you bet otherwise. Now, you were obviously regretting your choice.

There you were with Steve in the living room, the rest of the Avengers watching you guys in amazement. The only thing that stopped you from winning against the super soldier was that you didn't have superhuman strength. At least you trained with one everyday. Right?

You felt your body stiffening and tiring as you continued with your pushups. You lowered your body one last time, chest hovering above the ground, but you couldn't find the energy to lift yourself up again. Steve glanced at you with a small smile on his face, watching as you struggled.

You groaned, falling to the cold floor, listening to Tony cheer, helping Steve up in joy. "You good there (Y/N)?" Asked Steve, walking over to you, giving you a hand. You glared at him, getting up on your own, making him laugh.

"You know you did better than any of us could have. That's 352 pushups in a row." Natasha praised, making you roll your eyes. "Yes, but it doesn't mean I couldn't have done better. Anyway, let's be real. Bucky is also a supersoldier, so me beating me is out of the question. He's just as strong as Steve-if not stronger."

You sauntered over to you and Tony's shared room with him right on your tail. You didn't bother closing the door behind you before taking off your shirt.

You gasped when you were pushed against the wall roughly, your sweaty body making contact with another one. " Good gods, what could you possibly want Tony?" You questioned, looking up. "You." He breathed out, leaning down to kiss your neck, sucking softly on the skin. Shivers ran down your spine at the sultry tone, and just as you were about to speak up again, he kissed your lips with hunger and need.

As if on instinct, your hands travelled to the nape of his neck, playing with the short hairs. He deepened the kiss, but it was abruptly cut short when the door burst open. "I-uh, sorry-I-um, water?" "You can put that right over there. Yeah, thanks Steve."

-Steve Rogers: You and Steve were huddled up on a couch in his apartment, watching Jurassic Park. He took a quick look at you, so focused on the movie, your lip tightly tucked between your teeth. You cuddled closer to your loving boyfriend who held you tighter, the cold getting to your bones.

"Honey, do you want me to close the window?" He asked you, already getting up. You got hold of his hand, tugging him down, your eyes never leaving the bright screen. "No, stay." He smiled and kissed your soft lips, getting your shiny lip gloss on himself.

"Um, you got something right there. Let me get it for you." You muttered, getting on your knees to kiss him once more. He chuckled against your lips, flipping you over so you were laying down on the couch. You threw your shirt off, Steve doing the same.

Just as Steve reached down to slide his shorts off, yours already long gone, the door burst open, two loud voices interrupting your moment. Two wolf-whistles caught your attention, your heads snapping in their direction. At the sight of Sam and Bucky, you pushed Steve off of you with such force he fell to the ground.

You rushed to put your shorts and shirt back on but they were at Sam's feet, so you stayed hidden behind the couch. "Nice gloss Steve. Where'd you get it from?" Started Bucky. "Oh right, never mind, where'd you get it from (Y/N)?" Sam slammed his hand on Bucky's back as they both broke down laughing. "Remind me why we gave them a key?"

-Bucky Barnes: Bucky wasn't exactly having the best day. The both of you had gone to one of your favourite coffee shops when your ex just happened to bump into you. "(Y/N)? Oh wow." And with that he started rambling off about his life, flirting with you, even with Bucky standing beside you.

You politely told him you had to go, feeling awfully sorry that Bucky had to deal with that. When you got back to the Avengers Compound, Natasha had immediately called you in for some work, leaving your boyfriend to sit in your shared bedroom all alone on his day off.

He wanted to kill your ex. Quite literally. So much that he even found his address. So when you entered your room, you didn't have the time to kick your shoes off before you were pressed up against the wall, with Bucky's lips hungrily attacking yours. You obviously kissed him back, hands pulling him closer to you by the shoulders.

When the door opened, Natasha dropped the file she was holding and her jaw slacked. Bucky closed the door shut with a growl, holding it there with his metal arm, his lips never leaving yours.

-Thor Odinson: It was a nice, calm morning for you and Thor. You were laying in bed, sunlight coming from the windows giving a nice gold tint to the room. Thor looked down, playing with your silky hair, and you smiled when your eyes connected.

He leaned down to give your lips a short peck, but you pulled him back in, finding his arms suddenly wrapped around your torso tightly. Your hands cupped his jaw and you felt Thor smile as he slid his tongue into your mouth, exploring it like it was the first time.

"Hey-oh!" Thor grunted and pulled away, looking at Tony who had barged into your room "Didn't know the Odinsons had it in them to go for a round so early." Thor held his hand out for Mjölnir which flew from the other side of the room right into his hand, making Tony run out of the room faster than thunder.

-Clint Barton: It was one of those days in the facility where no one had anything to do. No paperwork to fill out, no missions to go on and nothing fun to do. So logically, you and Clint decided it'd be a great idea to go training.

As you were sparring, he swung his leg under yours and in the blink of an eye, you had him straddling your hips on the ground.

He smirked and leaned down, his face close enough to yours for you to be kissing. He pinned your arms above your head and you whispered "Not here Clint." However you didn't protest when he started kissing your neck.

He only stopped when you both heard a loud voice booming. "Brother Clint and Lady (Y/N) seem to be busy, turn around." Clint rolled off you, the only thing heard in the room was your now heavy breathing. You saw Thor pushing Steve out of the training room making you chuckle slightly before getting up.

-Pietro Maximoff: It was a lazy day for you and Pietro. You both had some fun last night, though you were quiet and slow, not wanting to wake the others up from their light slumber.

You walked into the kitchen in one of Pietro's oversized training shirts to make yourself a coffee and a peanut butter and jam sandwich. You shut your eyes for a moment, opening them to take your first bite.

You felt arms wrap around your waist and you leaned into the familiarity of Pietro's chest. You both sighed in content; everything was perfect. Nothing could possibly ruin the weekend you were having. Pietro went ahead to place a kiss on your cheek and you turned around to get a proper one on the lips. He chuckled, his laugh throaty and raspy.

He reconnected your lips only to hear a yell "Oh get a room you two!" You bit the inside of your cheek, grabbing your sandwich in one hand and Pietro's shirt in the other, dodging a disgusted Clint as you escaped to your bedroom, coffee mug forgotten on the counter.

-Peter Parker: You and Peter went over to his house immediately after class, eager to cool off with your weekly movie night. It was easy to say that the both of you had a fairly tough week. You changed into some comfortable clothes, settling down on Peter's bed with a bunch of snacks.

"You know," you started, taking a sip of your soda. "More people should watch Star Wars. Like they immediately judge, but they haven't even watched it. At least know what you're talking about if you're going to say it's bad." Peter smiled, pulling your body closer to his and kissing your forehead. You hummed in delight, snuggling into his chest. "If this is what I get for being smart, I should really start studying more."

You trailed butterfly kisses on his soft skin, from his jaw down to his collar bone until his sweater was restricting any further access. You tugged at it and Peter untangled himself from you to take it off.

Just as you straddled him, connecting your lips to his skin once more, the door squeaked, signaling it had been open. "Hey Peter-oh! Use protection!" Aunt May stepped out of the doorway, shutting the door behind her, leaving you and Peter mouth agape as you stared at the same spot she stood at mere seconds ago.

-Peter Quill: It was a crucially boring day for the lot of you. You all just sat in the Milano trying to find something to do. "Babe. Baby." Peter poked you in the shoulder repetitively, head leaning on your arm, puppy eyes ready. "What is it Peter, Baby?" "I miss you." He whined.

You looked down at his pouty face, leaning down to give his soft plump lips a nice short kiss. "I want you," he whispered in such a low voice, you almost didn't hear him. You looked around the room.

Gamora was reading a magazine, Rocket was fixing some sort of machine, probably another bomb, Drax was sitting on a one seater couch eating from a bag of chips and Mantis was doing whatever Mantis does, looking outside the ship from the big glass window.

"Come on." You told him quietly. As soon as you entered your room, Peter was planting kisses all over your jaw and down your neck. He picked you up, walking you over to your bed. He immediately crawled above you and you moaned, throwing your head on your pillows and arching your back when he found your sweet spot.

"What a show, you're disgusting." Peter didn't stop, and neither did you, only encouraging his actions when you wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer. You only pulled away when Gamora took her shoe off, throwing it at the both of you and hitting Peter, making him jump and yelp.

-Stephen Strange: "Hello Love." You jumped slightly at your boyfriend's sudden presence behind you and heard him chuckle deeply. He had just returned from the hospital after a long day of work, leaving to your bedroom for some rest.

You sat in the living room, eyes on your book but your mind kept on drifting off to Stephen. He was a great man. He always greeted you with small kisses after long days of work, cooked dinner when he could, and went out of his way to buy you flowers and small gifts.

You don't know how long you sat there but you eventually got up to strut over to you and Stephen's bedroom. "Hey Ste-oh." There he stood, towel wrapped around his waist, hand running through his wet, greying hair.

His smirk grew wide as he approached you, hands gripping your hips. He leaned down and your arms went to his chest as your lips connected. His tongue easily slipped past your lips and into your mouth. Your fingers played with the loose towel hanging around Stephen's torso and soon enough, it hit the ground, exposing your fiancé's body to you.

Stephen groaned and your arms wrapped themselves around his neck. He lifted you up and your legs found their spot around his waist, hooking your ankles together, never breaking the kiss. "Oh my god!" Stephen suddenly dropped you on the floor only to pull you back into him to cover himself. "Oh my god! Why you guys!? At least shut the fucking door!" "Get out Christine!" Yelled Stephen, his face flushed, embarrassment written all over his features.

-Loki Laufeyson: You sat in the library, nose in a book. That's how it was, and that's how you planned it would be for the rest of the day. That was, until someone snatched your precious book from your hands and started running into the depths of the library, the only sign of who it is being the jet black hair disappearing behind a bookshelf.

"Loki! Come back!" You yelled, already on the chase. "Loki!" You dragged out the last syllable you looked through the aisles. All of a sudden, you were pulled into someone's arms and then pushed back into a bookcase, a pair of lips smashing onto yours.

You couldn't help but moan out Loki's name as he pressed himself closer to you, starting to grind his crotch into yours. He smiled softly, murmuring an "I've missed you incredibly, my love." You moaned again, managing to utter "I've missed you too."

"Would you look at that! What have you done to (Y/N)'s innocence, my dear brother?" Loki pulled away with a sigh, giving Thor an 'Are you serious?" look.

-Sam Wilson: "Never again." You groaned, slumping down onto the couch, clutching your now broken wrist. "You okay baby?" Asked Sam, pulling you into a hug. You dug your head into his chest, shaking it slightly. "I think Steve likes seeing me suffer. He always sends me after the tougher guys." You whined.

He chuckled as you spoke up again, muttering about the pain. "At least you got your cast to be your favourite colour, no?" You laughed at his poor attempt to cheer you up but nodded nonetheless.

He got up, leaving the room before joining you again, a sweatshirt in hand. Your eyes lit up as he handed it to you and you pulled it on, nearly ripping it with your speed. "Careful there." He muttered as you launched yourself on him to hug him.

"Mhmm." "Don't fall asleep on me again, please." He told you, kissing your soft, pink lips. You hummed, your uninjured arm fisting his shirt to pull him on top of you. He chuckled at your eagerness before pulling you in again.

You both had been so busy these past few weeks that you barely got a morning kiss, but now that you were alone, you intended to make the most of it, showing your boyfriend of two years how much you really loved him.

Your unharmed hand held him closer to you by the neck, your broken one on the couch beside your head. You moaned when Sam bit your lip but immediately stopped, eyes widening when Natasha walked in with Tony, her eyes on her phone, muttering "Somewhere else please."

[titularkilljoy]

sometimes and always

//a love story in five acts

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Summary: It's hard to resist falling into bed with a cute neighbour, but it turns out it's even harder to resist falling for him. (alternatively- Spencer Reid and the reader struggle to resolve their feelings but make valiant attempts to do so while lying horizontally in each other's beds.)

Word Count: 7k

Warnings: Explicit sexual content, strong language, decidedly non-American spelling conventions

Author's Note: SO. This fic was originally part of a fic swap for the wickedly talented @imagining-in-the-margins, but it is now over six months too late. Thankfully, patience apparently springs eternal in her?? besides all the other amazing things?? Unfair, but good for me. So, Pom, this one is for you. Thanks for being the absolute best and putting up with my rants and not judging me for mocking everything and everyone all the time. Love, Perpetually Tardy.

(i)

This is how it happened the first time.

I was frowning at the pitiful stack of mail in my hands, wondering if the conspicuously missing letters and subscriptions would ever be returned to me. Ever since moving to my new apartment, I had been at the mercy of the Postal System and that was never a good situation to be in. I’d resigned myself to having to take an extra trip back to my old building and do some investigating, when the elevator dinged and I stepped in. Just as the doors slid closed, there was the frantic rumble of footsteps and a hand slipping into the narrowing gap.

The doors sprang apart to let in the harried owner of the appendage, who barely spared me a glance before turning to face the front, eyes briefly darting to the buttons. It took me a second to recognise him. It was the guy from the apartment opposite to mine, although so far that seemed to be only a nominal living arrangement; in my two weeks there, I’d seen him exactly once, merely in passing, and we had exchanged a sum total of zero words.

I followed his lead and stopped blatantly staring at him, though I continued studying him covertly through my peripheral vision. He looked—well, his jawline looked like it could cut glass effortlessly and he had the soft chestnut hair of a male model and I knew I was probably going to develop a very embarrassing crush on him at some point— but besides that, he looked browbeaten, his whole posture seeming to buckle under the invisible weight of the world.

There was an awkward moment when he realised we were both heading in the same direction, and I took it upon myself to break the ice.

“Hi,” I greeted, introducing myself, “I just moved in. I don’t think I’ve seen you around.” I gave him my warmest smile.

His swift assessing glance would have escaped my notice if I hadn’t been paying such close attention; his expression was still shuttered off, but he offered an endearing little quirk of his lips and an introduction. “Spencer Reid. I’ve-uh, I’ve been away on a work thing.”

“Oh? What do you do?” I asked, beginning a leisurely walk down the hallway and fishing my keys out of my bag. I immediately regretted the query when, impossibly, his eyes became even more guarded.

“I’m an FBI agent.”

Well, that clipped admission would have given anyone pause. “Oh, wow. That’s really impressive, dude.”

“Thanks.” He hesitated before adding, “I’m part of the Behavioural Analysis Unit.”

“So, you’re like a psychologist?”

“I catch serial killers.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

The silence wasn’t uncomfortable so much as it was brimming with my insecurities. The alcohol in my blood helped with that, though; the next words were out of my mouth before I even registered the thought.

“Do you want to come in?”

“Oh, uh—”

He was going to say no.

“It’s just that you look like you could use some company. And I think it’s absolutely criminal that we haven’t gotten to know each other yet.”

“It’s really late.”

But he was rocking forwards on his toes just the tiniest bit, leading me to believe that some part of him did want to take me up on my offer that night.

“So it is. Come on, Agent Reid. Be a good neighbour.”

“It’s Doctor, actually,” he corrected. “Doctor Reid. I have Ph.Ds. Three of them.”

My eyebrows had risen to my hairline and, sensing the change in the air, he hurried to put me at ease. “But you can just call me Spencer.”

“Huh. You don’t hear that every day.” I chuckled sheepishly. “Well, come on in, Doctor.”

There was a moment when his whole body leaned towards me and his face looked conflicted but slightly enthusiastic, and I was convinced I could turn the night into a very pleasant one for both of us. Then, with a loud clatter, my keys slipped from my hands, startling us. The moment was broken, and I sighed in resignation.

“Let me guess, you’ve decided I’m too drunk and we’re going to go our separate ways.”

At least he had the good grace to look apologetic. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea right now,” he told me slowly as he bent down to pick up my keys and pressed them securely into my outstretched hand, “It’s late and I’ve had a long day. I’ll...see you around?”

“Sure,” I managed to say with a regretful smile, “I’m holding you to that.”

*~*

That, however, turned out to be easier said than done, for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was the Herculean feat of unpacking and organising my new place with a mild hangover and a tinge of frustration over lost opportunities looming over me. Once that was dealt with, the bigger challenge turned out to be actually locating the man in question. I knocked on his door a few times, but when the responding silence continued to persist for over a week, I began to think he’d just been a drunken hallucination in the first place. And the longer I went without any follow-up interactions, the more intensely I started overthinking the slightly fuzzy memory of our brief conversation.

Of course I’d managed to make a fool of myself in front of a really cute guy. That was absolutely in character for me. Every time I passed by his door, I convinced myself a little more that I owed him a sincere apology for my poor, inconsiderate conduct.

Beyond the embarrassment, however, work didn’t leave me much time to think about it, and by the time I was trudging to my apartment the next Saturday, the whole encounter had been relegated firmly to the back burner. Naturally, that was when the faint glow of light under his door distracted me from the very passive-aggressive email I was composing. I hesitated.

The deep breaths I sucked in didn’t serve much more purpose than to make me somewhat lightheaded, but I forged on anyway. I knocked on the door, and waited.

There was silence, followed by the sound of reluctantly shuffling feet, and then, finally, I was face to face with Spencer Reid once again.

“Um,” I started, “hi.”

He stared at me wordlessly for a beat, during which I started to wonder if he’d actually forgotten me already.

“So, we met the other day, and I just want to apologise. I didn’t mean to come on to you so strongly, and I get that you weren’t int-”

“Do you want to come inside?”

“..What?”

“Do you want to come inside?” he repeated, enunciating clearly. That didn’t clear up my confusion, though.

“Um. Yes? Sure. I mean, no, shouldn’t we talk about this a bit?”

He let out a tired laugh. “I don’t want to talk right now.”

“Alright,” I said, biting my lip. I followed him inside, and pushed the door closed behind me; it emitted an innocuous little click as it fell shut.

There was something about the weariness behind his eyes and the careful set of his jaw that made me want to study him and understand what was going through his head, but all I could glean that night was that Spencer didn’t seem amenable to much time spent on documentation.

“So,” I began unsurely, shedding my jacket and scanning the contents of the room, the piles upon piles of books and the distinct lack of much else, “tell me about yourself.”

“Didn’t I already do that?”

“Hmm, that’s not the whole story,” I mumbled, running my fingers over a broken-spined, wrinkled copy of Paradise Lost laid open on a heavy wooden desk. A single smudge of blue ink stood out against the yellowing page, and beside it, the print read: This horror will grow mild, this darkness light. “You’re not just an FBI agent.”

“That’s all that’s important,” he asserted, taking a step towards me. He had one eye on my curiously wandering fingers and, sensing that it was making him more antsy than he needed to be, I tucked my hands into my back pockets, facing him with a grin of false bravado. I really wished I was drunk. That would have made things infinitely easier.

“Besides,” he continued, this time meeting my eyes directly, “I don’t know anything about you either.”

“Fair enough,” I conceded, stepping closer to him.

His eyes didn’t leave mine, until my own strayed to the bobbing curve of his throat and the tantalising motion of his tongue sweeping over his bottom lip. Not for the first time that week, I wondered how terrible of an idea it would be to try to kiss my attractive neighbour. I could see my own apprehensions mirrored in his stance, and I saw the exact moment when he identified the focus of my gaze.

I didn’t have to spend much time contemplating. He decided, just as I did, that any consequences of this impulsive decision could be dealt with later.. I lunged for him just as he closed the distance in one long stride, grasping my jaw in both his hands. Then we were firmly attached at the lips, and his arms wrapped around my waist and dragged me closer, seemingly intent on devouring my mouth. Gradually, our actions slowed a bit, the kiss turning softer and more exploratory, our tongues winding around each other gently, my lungs readily accepting his deep, nasal sigh.

His arms around my waist were a steadily spreading band of warmth, and I could feel the growing evidence of his arousal against my thigh. I found myself thinking I could be very happy with just kissing him like this, feeling his breaths tickle my face, letting my hands suffer minute pinpricks from the stubble littering his jaw. But then his grip shifted to my hips and tightened ever so slightly, and it was like I’d been doused with fuel and set alight. My fingers struggled to unbutton his shirt as he pressed distracting kisses along my neck, my soft whimpers breaking the relative silence of the room.

All of a sudden, the ground shifted and my stomach swooped, and it took a second or two before I realised I was now in his arms, being carried towards, presumably, his bedroom. Content, I got to work on undoing the last button and trying to slip the shirt down his arms entirely. He granted me a chuckle for my troubles before laying me down gently on our destination and taking it off himself.

He didn’t waste any time in sinking his knees into the soft mattress on either side of my legs, helping me out of my own clothes and methodically kissing every bit of newly exposed skin, until finally, I was clad only in flimsy cotton and he was nosing at my aching core. With two fingers, he deftly removed the last of my defences and pressed his mouth against me. I moaned, my hands flying to his hair and trying to keep from pulling too hard as he used his tongue to examine every inch of my arousal, evidently experimenting based on the sounds he managed to elicit from me.

“Oh, my God,” I babbled, hips bucking wildly under the iron grip holding them down.

“Tell me,” he demanded, pulling away slightly, “tell me how much you like it.”

“Spencer,” I breathed desperately, “Please. I need- I need more.”

He hummed leisurely against me, frustrating me to no end. My grip in his hair tightened at last, guiding him where I needed him most, and I swear I felt his lips stretch into a smile.

It went on for what felt like hours, but there was no earthly way I could have lasted that long. He took mercy on me eventually, plunging two long fingers deep inside me, closing his lips around the bundle of nerves that, predictably, sent me into a violent, shaking climax. He nursed me patiently through the aftershocks, waiting till my legs had stilled before rising to undo his belt and rid himself of his pants. I was already mourning the loss of his closeness, and I pulled him back on top of me the moment he was within reach.

“Come on, Doctor,” I taunted, “It’s time you made good on your promise and got to the main event.”

“I never promised anything,” he retorted, but the playful glint in his eyes excited me, and while he reached over beside us to the nightstand, I rose to the occasion.

“Oh? Well, if you don’t want to, I guess I’ll just head out, then,” I teased, going so far as to attempt to sit up from underneath him. I felt a low, threatening sound begin in his chest and make its way up his throat as his hands gripped my wrists and brought them down to my sides, pinning me in place.

It was my turn to chuckle at his eagerness, lifting my head to briefly peck him on his lips.

“Don’t worry, Spencer,” I cooed, “I’m not going anywhere. Now fuck me already.”

“With pleasure,” came the response, and while I wondered idly how a smirk could simultaneously be sinister and bashful, there was the sharp sound of crinkling foil, and then he cut off my thoughts by entering me in one fluid motion.

“Fuck!” I cried out, holding him around the shoulders, bringing him impossibly closer.

“That’s it,” he groaned in my ear, “let me hear you.”

He set a torturous rhythm, thrusting into me harshly before pulling out slowly, carefully, making me relish the sensation, anticipation building steadily in the pit of my stomach and spreading until it engulfed me. A ceaseless litany of moans and whimpers filled the air around us, the source of each barely discernible. At last, I could feel myself riding the very precipice, and his name began to fall from my lips like a prayer.

“Spencer,” I called, “Spenc-”

He swallowed the rest of my inconsequential cries, bringing his thumb to where we were joined to guide me over the edge, and as I convulsed around him soundlessly, he reached his own climax, blunt fingernails leaving crescent marks on my hips, his heavy panting breaths stuttering, once, against my clavicle, before calming and slowly evening out.

We stayed that way for a few minutes, my hand combing lightly through his hair, his closed-mouth kisses pressing against my neck like a balm. Eventually, though, we had to move, and it was he who did first. He pulled out and walked away from the bed without looking at me, tossing the tied-up condom in the trash. I sat up, cross-legged, watching him for a bit, pursing my lips when I noticed he was actively avoiding my gaze.

I cleared my throat. “Where’s your bathroom?”

He pointed in a general direction and mumbled something incoherent; sighing in disappointment, I stood up gingerly and went to clean myself up. When I returned, the room still smelled like sex, and Spencer was still evasive, but he was sitting on the edge of the bed now. He looked up when I entered, watching me pick up my clothes.

“Are you alright?” he asked quietly.

I glanced over at him. “Yeah, I’m good. You?”

Nodding, he watched me get dressed, then followed me into the living room and watched me drape my jacket over my arm. Then he watched me walk to the door, all the while not saying a word.

The cool steel of the doorknob in my hand, I looked over my shoulder one more time.

“Well, Spencer. You know where to find me, I guess,” I muttered, shaking my head slightly. Then I left his apartment, and despite the enormity of what had transpired during my visit, the click of the door closing sounded exactly the same.

.

(ii)

Of course, after that, I resolved it would never happen again. The man next door clearly had some issues with what we had done, and I couldn’t be bothered to solve them. It was, frankly, idiotic to jeopardise the prospect of good neighbours in favour of sex, however great it might have been.

It was embarrassing how quickly my resolution packed its bags and jumped out of my third-storey window.

I was awoken the next morning by three firm raps on my door. I think I knew, somehow, who was trying to get my attention, so I took my time, but the reveal of Spencer’s regretful face didn’t surprise me any less. I was wary as I stared at him wordlessly, cycling through all the possible reasons for his visit, and his eyes dropped to the way my arms tightly hugged my midsection. He winced then, meeting my eyes.

“I’m sorry for the way I acted,” he blurted, and it sounded so rehearsed that I had to stifle a guffaw. There was a flicker of something in his eyes that could have been frustration, but he powered through. “I’ve had a pretty terrible week at work and I think I was trying to get something out of my head. But I was awful to you, and it was completely my fault. I’m sorry if I offended you. I had...a great time.”

I’d been watching him carefully throughout his speech, and if he was faking the earnestness in those last couple of lines, he was an extraordinary actor. I concluded, as I studied the apologetic slump of his shoulders and the dark bags into which his eyes had sunken, that I didn’t need to worry about the veracity of his words.

“It’s okay,” I said hesitantly. “I mean, no, it’s not okay, it felt really awful, but thanks for explaining. I get it now.”

“Oh,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck and looking off to the side, “that’s great. Thank you.” He shoved his hands deep into his pockets.

“Problem?” I was bemused.

“No!” He was looking back at me, now. “I- well, to be honest, I wasn’t expecting it to be this easy. I thought I’d have to convince you.”

“Huh. Well, you can still convince me, Doctor. Give me a second to get ready. You’re buying me breakfast.”

I quite liked the shy smile that graced his face in response.

*~*

It kept happening. There was no way I could have stopped it, and there was no reason I would have wanted to.

We quickly grew into a familiar rhythm. Each time, it started with one of us having a particularly stressful day. Each time, it started with a knock on the door and some perfunctory shuffling around. Before wasn’t the time for talking. Each time, we’d stumble into whichever surface was closest, and every time it wasn’t the bed, Spencer would make some halfhearted protests about germs and hygiene, before I shut him up very effectively with a manicured hand on his dick. Each time, in the During, I marvelled at how well we fit together, how quickly we’d learned each other’s bodies, and each time, I saw more of him than I had the last.

And I loved every bit of it.

Spencer no longer retreated into his shell in the After. He’d try sometimes, but I knew how to coax him out, now. I’d slip my hand into his, ever so gently, and wait. Or I’d sling one arm around his waist until he returned the embrace. I was getting scarily good at reading him. It was like working on an intricate puzzle, and every new achievement was rewarded with a deeper, longer look into his mind.

I carefully stored away every casual anecdote about someone from work or his godson or his mother, and I loved to watch the life burn bright in his eyes. Of course, they were all happy stories. I could sense the bittersweet aftertaste they left in his mouth, but he never let me inspect it too closely. In turn, I regaled him with tales of my own, of my sister and my parents, of my cat that was perpetually falling asleep on top of me. I told him all the easy, palatable things, holding back just as much as he did, always careful to maintain the wall of superficiality.

But things did slip through the cracks every once in a while, from both of us-- they were bound to, what with the sheer amount of time we spent together in various states of undress. Things that made me burn with curiosity that couldn’t be sated without jeopardising the very foundation of our arrangement. So I turned a blind eye to the jagged scars on his thigh and neck when he failed to maneuver to hide them; in return, he kept mum when I walked into his apartment, on the day of my worst professional disaster, with runny makeup and bloodshot eyes, shivering all over.

If he noticed that I kissed the skin over his scars a little more tenderly, lavishing attention on him the first time I saw them, he didn’t show it. If he liked the way I always nuzzled my face into the one on his neck when we were done, he didn’t show it.

For my part, I tried very hard not to read into the slow, shallow thrusts or the almost reverent way he handled me when my tears still hadn’t dried. I definitely did not read into the arm over my shoulder or the slightly baffled crease in his brow while we sat on his couch with a random episode of The Office.

And if, maybe, the frequency of his visits increased as the months went by, who could blame him? He was an FBI agent. He probably had a lot of bad days.

Sometimes, though, I’d go over when I’d had a good day and I felt like celebrating. Sometimes, I’d knock on his door just because I was bored and I wanted to see him. It wasn’t as if he would know the difference. Our bodies knew how to be around each other, and that was all that mattered.

This was just stress relief, after all.

(“Have you ever been in love?” I asked him once, abruptly, my heart still pounding as the sweat cooled on our skins.

He glanced at me warily, but he must have detected only honest curiosity on my face, not lovesickness or anything else that would have had him running for the hills.

He chewed on his lip for a moment. “Once.”

“What happened?” My finger traced an aimless pattern on his chest.

“She loves me,” he said, “but she isn’t in love with me.”)

We never articulated any feelings we may or may not have about each other or our situation. We dodged sincere conversation like it would kill us. So all the pieces we owned of each other were ones that we had been remiss in guarding diligently. That only made them all the more precious.

But on the heels of every stolen glance, there was a moment where he looked right through me, where I felt blank and insubstantial, like I was a placeholder for something or someone, and that would be enough for the wall to be between us again, rigid and unrelenting.

It was a shame that I was stupid enough to hold on to the scraps that fell through anyway.

.

(iii)

I was an immensely stupid person.

That was the only explanation for why I was leaning against the outer wall of our apartment building at three in the morning, desperately shoving my hands into my coat pockets to brace against the cold.

“You don’t have to be here.”

Can he read minds now? I wondered sullenly. Spencer was sitting on the front steps, with his head in his hands. His hair was dishevelled, and his eyes were the picture of torment. I would have loved to console him, but every attempt so far had been firmly rebuffed.

He had knocked on my door an hour ago and silenced my greeting with a bruising kiss. Of course, I knew how to do that dance, but Spencer had been off his rhythm tonight. When I’d reached for his shirt, he’d pushed my arms away. When I had kissed his jaw, he'd flinched. When I’d finally retreated in concern to ask him what was wrong, he had huffed out that he was perfectly fine, before trying to lift my shirt over my head.

I’d pushed him onto the bed and tried to distract him, and he had responded by clenching the sheets in his fists instead of grabbing my hips. I’d whispered his name in his ear the way he usually loved, and he’d climbed out from under me, sitting up on the bed with his chest heaving. At that point, I’d given up. What had followed was an exercise in patience.

(“Spencer, what’s wrong?” I’d asked again, to no avail.

“It’s nothing. I don’t want to talk about it,” he’d gritted out, glaring at me.

I’d sighed. “Okay, which is it? Nothing, or that you don’t want to talk about it?”

Silence.

“Well something is clearly bothering you. Am I just supposed to ignore that?”

“We don’t need to talk about anything.” He’d tried to kiss me again. That time, I was the one who pushed him away.

“No, Spencer, this isn’t working. I don’t think we should do this tonight.”

The glare had intensified. “Fine.” He’d gotten up and tried to put his shirt back on, but his hands were shaking.

Cursing my investment in this man, I’d helped him while he stared daggers at me. When he’d hunted down his shoes and made his way out of my apartment, I’d pulled on my coat and followed, petting my cat briefly when he tried to follow us.)

So now we were outside, experiencing the most awkward silence ever known to man. Every time I attempted to put a hand on his shoulder or sit beside him, he would tense up yet again.

“Yes, Spencer,” I replied at length, “I do. You look like you might accidentally walk into traffic. I’m not leaving.”

“It’s not your problem.” The petulance was beginning to get on my nerves. I hadn’t signed up for sleepless weeknights.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” I told him, shrugging.

I pulled out my phone to distract myself with the cute animals in my game. Spencer was still worryingly silent. But if he didn’t want to talk to me and he wouldn’t let me near him, there was little I could do but stand there.

Every now and then, his breathing would hitch, and I would study him out of the corner of my eye. Whether he fully registered my presence or not, I was unsure, but he seemed to be calming down. He looked less on edge, his eyes less wild, and I was about to approach him and try again, when a black car pulled up just ahead of us.

Both our heads jerked to attention, but the petite blonde who exited the car only had eyes for Spencer.

“Spence!” She rushed to him, pulling him into a hug that he slowly reciprocated. “Your phone is off. After what happened, I was so worried,” she murmured into his hair, her eyes shut in relief.

And Spencer-- Spencer’s face was something to behold. His eyes were tightly closed, his lips turned down unhappily, and his face was so naked and open that I almost looked away. Almost. The pain that shone there riveted me. I felt as if I could see every wound he had ever suffered, in that instant. He’d never shown me that before. And he still hadn’t-- this wasn’t for me. The embrace broke, but his face stayed the same while the woman fussed over him.

Something came back to me, a fragment of a memory. She loves me but she isn’t in love with me. Unbidden, a sound of realisation escaped my throat, drawing two pairs of eyes to the dark corner in which I had been so far obscured.

Spencer schooled his face back to some semblance of normalcy, and ran a hand through his hair.

“Uh, JJ, this is--”

“Leaving,” I blurted out, then cleared my throat. “I was just leaving. Work in the morning. Nice to meet you.” I tried to smile at her, but it felt more like a pained grimace.

I brushed past both of them, but hesitated on the top step. “Spencer…”

His gaze was inscrutable, and I was too tired to try to decipher it.

“Feel better,” I mumbled, and then I left them there.

*~*

I was not sulking.

I told myself this as I lounged on the couch in my most comfortable pyjamas, stuffing my face with junk food and watching Michael Scott lament his foot injury.

So what if Spencer was in love with a beautiful blonde while getting him to talk to me was like pulling teeth? It wasn’t like I’d been carrying a torch for him. We were just extremely compatible sexually. And in very close proximity to each other. That put us in the ideal position to hook up whenever we needed it. That was the extent of our relationship. For all I knew, he’d been sleeping with other people this whole time. I hardly had the right to protest it if he had. We hadn’t set up rules. We just fell into bed together as and when we liked.

It was a good, uncomplicated thing.

So I needed to make sense of whatever needless jealousy I was feeling, before I ruined it. I couldn’t sit around being pathetic. I had a life.

There was a knock on the door.

Sighing, I turned off the TV and put the snacks away. Spencer was quiet as I let him in. His eyes roamed the small living room as if he didn’t know his way around my place as well as he did his own. I perched on the arm of the couch and stared at him, hoping my face didn’t betray the rollercoaster of emotions I’d experienced over the last forty-eight hours.

“So,” I started, “you okay?”

He looked a bit startled, as if he hadn’t expected me to address it at all. I tried not to roll my eyes.

“Yeah. I’m alright.”

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” I prompted, “It was pretty intense.”

“It-uh, it was a work thing. JJ helped me out.”

Of course she did. “Great,” I said aloud.

We looked at each other for a beat. “She’s the one, isn’t she?” I blurted before I could stop myself.

“What?”

“The one you’re in love with?”

There was a telltale spot of red high on his cheeks, even as he sputtered. “That’s not-- I mean, yes, but that was--”

“It’s fine,” I said cheerily. “I was just curious.”

He frowned at me. “She’s my best friend, it’s not--”

“No, I get it.” My stomach was somewhere near my feet. “So, do you wanna fuck?”

Again, he seemed taken aback. “What?”

“Isn’t that why you’re here?” I directed my gaze at his meticulously polished shoes.

“No.” A pause. “I just wanted to say-- would you look at me for a second?”

I forced myself to comply.

“I, uh, I wanted to thank you. For staying with me the other night.” The sincerity in his eyes was a bit too much to bear at the moment.

I hadn’t done anything, and I told him as much.

“You didn’t have to. Just being there was more than enough.”

“Right,” I said hollowly. “So is that it?”

“Yeah.” He seemed very lost. “Um, are you okay?”

“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re acting kind of strange.”

“That’s because there isn’t usually this much talking,” I snapped.

I longed to smooth out the lines on his face and make him feel at ease again. This was supposed to be the good, uncomplicated thing. He was apparently making an effort. I could return the favour.

“I’m sorry,” I said, letting out a deep breath and rubbing a hand over my face. “Can I get you something to drink? We can talk about it if you want. Or just hang out.” I tried to squash down the hope that bloomed in my chest.

“Oh. Sure, if that’s okay.” He was chewing on his lip again, and it was unfairly appealing.

And so he stayed. I got two mugs of coffee, and when I came back, he was on my couch reading a well-worn paperback, as if he belonged there. I had to agree with the thought. When he heard me enter the room, he looked up with a smile.

When he left three hours later, I couldn’t remember what we’d talked about or the name of the book he’d abandoned within minutes, but I remembered the way he’d leaned close to me while gesturing wildly with his hands, and I remembered that we hadn’t touched beyond accidental brushes of our fingers the entire time.

He still hadn’t revealed the source of his despair, and I knew there was someone he loved. I knew whatever this was, it would be temporary.

But the smile on my face as I closed the door was real.

.

(v)

Spencer kept coming over. I was never given the chance to initiate contact because it seemed like he was always at my place. Whenever he was in the city, he would be with me. I started to worry about his apartment gathering cobwebs from the disuse. But I couldn’t honestly complain about this new development.

Sometimes we had sex, and sometimes we didn’t. Sometimes he came in sore and tired, other times he was brimming with excitement with a playful grin. Sometimes he was angry at the world and I was allowed to coax him down from his rage. Those nights were in turn infuriating and thrilling.

(“What happened?”

“Work.”

“That’s really helpful, Spencer, care to elucidate?”

“No.”

“Okay, caveman.”

“Shut up and take off your clothes.”

I’d rolled my eyes and complied.)

I enjoyed every bit of him. I wanted to observe and chart every one of his moods and his little quirks. I loved the small pile of his books that had found their way onto the coffee table. I loved introducing him to pop culture that he approached with the same diligence as he would a textbook of quantum physics. He was an eager student, and I attempted to return the favour whenever he launched into his obscure tirades.

Some nights I would drowsily let him in and he would crawl into bed with me, fully clothed. The following mornings, I would wake up with a silly grin on my face, seeing him utterly relaxed and at peace. We’d have breakfast in my kitchen and slowly come awake together over our steaming mugs of coffee.

It was fun, learning him.

In the dead of night, as I was drifting off to sleep, he would tell me bits and pieces of horrible things he’d had to see. All I could offer him then was a tight, protective embrace and a steady gaze as the words clawed their way out of his reluctant throat. It felt like he was giving me some sort of twisted boon, these revelations of his pain. I collected them just as carefully as I did everything else. If it was a part of him that was freely given, I knew I wanted it.

At intervals, I would have to remind myself that he wasn’t truly emotionally available. It wasn’t hard. I only had to picture JJ’s relieved smile and the raw uncloaked expression on his face that I had never seen again. He mentioned her every now and then, and I’d discovered that his godson was her child. He never seemed upset, talking about her family, but he wasn’t the kind of man who would resent another’s happiness, even if it was at the expense of his own. I knew that now. I still remembered the way he would pull away from me and flinch at my touch, and I knew I was playing a losing game. There was no way out of this where I didn’t get hurt. All I could do was try to control it.

Three months after that night outside our building, I knew I’d fallen for him.

I was in trouble and I needed to do something about it, quickly. So I stopped preemptively cancelling plans with my friends and coworkers. I joined a book club. I called in a guy to loudly fix my bathroom sink the day I knew Spencer would be getting home. I even got a gym membership. I tried to be away from home as much as I could.

Whenever Spencer texted me, I would let him know I was unavailable. His texts got progressively more frustrated. Watching the excitement on his face dim when I turned him away at my door was painful. But it was necessary. I convinced myself that when Spencer and I stopped existing in this vacuum without other people, my feelings would weaken and I would be able to get him out of my head.

It didn’t work, of course, and I spent every day missing him. I tried to distract myself with work and my suddenly-full schedule, but the feelings were still there. Try as I might, I couldn’t stop thinking of him every morning and every night, and every time I passed his door and every time I walked by a bookstore.

So when Neil from work asked me out a week later, I said yes.

I wore a nice dress and heels, and he picked me up. We went to a midscale restaurant and talked about boring first-date things, and I knew within the first fifteen minutes that I didn’t want to see him again. I went through the motions, smiled pleasantly at him, and told him I would take a cab home. When I walked dejectedly up to my apartment, it took me a second to realise what I was looking at. My heart leapt and I dropped my keys.

Spencer was sitting on the floor outside my door, and he looked tireder and older than I’d ever seen him. He had looked up at my approach. I froze.

“Spencer.” I hadn’t seen him in a month.

He looked me up and down, and there was an unhappy tilt to his mouth. I wanted to kiss it away. He reached for the keys and rose to his feet.

“Hi.” He held them out to me, and I wanted to laugh and the eerie reflection of our first meeting.

“Hi,” I echoed.

“Were you on a date?”

There was no point in lying to him. “Yes.”

He looked away, his jaw clenching.

Silently, I unlocked the door and held it open. After a moment’s hesitation, he walked in.

He paced the floor of my living room. I took off my shoes and put my keys on the table, waiting for him to speak. I felt out of sorts and unprepared for what was to come. Even when I heard him come to a halt, I didn’t lift my gaze to meet his.

“Why would you-- I thought we had something.” His tone was heavy with accusation.

I stared back at him in challenge. “Sure. We had something. But I didn’t want to fool myself into thinking it was more than it was.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Us! You. You send me all these mixed signals, and I know you’re still hung up on someone else but I let myself get in too deep anyway. I had to protect myself.”

“I’m not hung up on someone else,” he shouted, raising his hands in frustration.

“Of course you are!” I matched his volume. “You told me so yourself.”

“When did I do that?” He sounded honestly bewildered.

“A few months ago. You said you were in love with someone but she didn’t love you back. And then I saw you with JJ that day. I know it’s her. It’s okay. You didn’t promise me anything.”

Feeling drained, I wrapped my hands around my middle. The tears were threatening to fall, but I tried to hold them at bay. This would be over soon. It all would.

“JJ--” he barked out a laugh, surprising me.

“What about this situation is funny to you?” I demanded.

“No, listen--”

“You’re hot and you’re cold. You kick me out right after our first time and then you’re sweet the next day. How do you want me to feel about that?”

“I’m sorry about-”

“Trying to talk to you is impossible! I want to help you. But you clearly don’t want to talk to me!”

“That’s not--”

“And then you’re over here all the time, and I get that it’s because you want to distract yourself, but you have to know how it would con--”

“God, would you just shut up and listen to me for once?”

I glared up at him. He was undeterred, a strange glint in his eyes.

“I love you,” he informed me, striking me dumb. “It took me a while to realise it, but it’s true. I love you.”

All I could do was gape at him as he walked closer to me and took my tightly clenched fists in his hands. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like I was holding back. I’m trying to be better. And I don’t know what you thought you saw between me and JJ,” he said very slowly, stroking his thumbs gently over my palms, “but all that’s there is a lot of trauma and shared experiences. Yes, I thought I loved her once, but that was a long time ago. We’ve never-- she’s not you.”

Traitorously, that tendril of hope began to coil around my heart again as I searched his face, looking for a trace of a lie.

I found none.

I surged forward, crashing my lips to his with no finesse and too much force, but he was ready for me, releasing my hands and cradling my waist instead. I gripped his hair, letting the tears spill at last, an overjoyed laugh bubbling out of my throat and into his mouth. I let my hands roam the hard plane of his body, the delicious ripple of wiry muscle beneath his shirt, the hidden softness that only I could feel.

“I love you,” I told him when we broke apart for air. “I’m glad I can tell you, I love you, I fucking love you.” Spencer grinned down at me, and the look was so fond I had to kiss him again.

The rest was a blur of hastily discarded clothes and the steadfastly ignored pain of knocking into furniture before we finally found my bed and tumbled into it.

(“All this time, I could have had you,” I groaned into his ear while he thrust his fingers into me, mouthing along my jaw.

“You have me,” he promised into my skin an eternity later, when he was inside me and my nails were scrambling for purchase along his back, my vision going white.)

That night, there were no painful confessions or taunting insecurities. There were just the two of us, blissfully entwined together, and the deepest of dreamless sleeps. Somewhere in the middle of falling out and falling back together, we had found our new rhythm.

.fin.

[yjwhatif]

NOTES FOR YJ EPISODE 18… Spoiler

(I’m so late posting this but oh well )

First off that opening scene is really well done -I think its my favourite opening to an arc yet. There's so much depth in the character animation - you can see how the thoughts and emotions develop trough the characters body language as they react to the content of the scene. The best example of this is when Raquel tells Amistad No to finding his hat, there's a moment where he seems to accept - reluctantly - the decision by giving a small nod, but then you see his breathing increases as his anxiety and discomfort builds, which they results in the outburst. The behaviours depicted are all genuine reactions to the stimuli presented in the scene - the same goes for Raquel - you can see in her expressions how she goes from patient, to flustered, to frustrated, to assertive, to wary, to protective. There’s not a lot happening action wise - but there’s a lot being shown through the characters that will likely play a big role under the surface for Raquel as she navigates the plot.

I like that each arc starts by showing the focal characters when they're not heroring - it establishes that they are more than just the masks they wear - they have lives beyond their respective missions - lives that don't stop just because they have a lifesaving job they’re tasked with doing. It establishes that no matter how much they may speak or make reference to their civilian lives/personal situations out loud - those things still exist in their minds and will likely weigh heavily on the decisions they make - whether consciously or not. They are still someone outside of being the hero. They’re still people who feel and get distracted and can make the wrong decisions. They have their desires and they have their flaws - just like everybody else.

I do really feel for Raquel, it’s clear she’s struggling with the adaptations she needs to make to accommodate her sons autism - which I’m guessing is still a fairly recent diagnosis (in an official sense). She’s still in a transitional period and sometimes it’s hard to let go of what’s known - she’s stuck in a state of denial that Noble (Amistad’s dad) seemingly isn’t. All of which is understandable - a lot of people struggle with change, whether big or small, and the time it takes to come to terms with said change can vary from person to person. While Raquel isn’t yet fully comfortable with accepting all that comes with raising a child with autism - she’s still clearly trying to accommodate for her sons needs - she still loves and cares about him and is trying to protect him. She just hasn’t yet reached the point where she can slow herself down enough to go at the pace he needs rather than the pace she’s used to going - and being that she’s a hero likely makes her more used to a faster pace of living. She’s dealing with an adjustment and all adjustments take time for all involved - struggling with finding those adjustments doesn’t mean you’re a bad person - it just means you’ve got some internal perceptions you need to work out. I’m really interested in watching Raquel do that throughout the arc.

Ah, an old woman judging and deciding you’re a bad person because of a misunderstanding they didn’t care to actually understand before insulting you… oh, I’ve been there, had the emotional breakdown and still have the intrusive memory to go with it 👍

Moving away from my own emotional trauma…

I LOVE that we’re getting some proper Jay content with this arc - it’s something I never thought I needed but it’ll be nice to see him as his own hero self rather than an attachment to one of the other speedsters. Also I want at least one acknowledgement/reference at some point in this arc to the fact that Bart is currently home alone - we’re all aware of it and I wanna hear it said. Bonus points if Jay says something about Bart knowing not to get up to any mischief whilst he’s away - then hard cut to show Bart building a time machine in the living room.

Orion’s little exasperated sigh when he realises he’s not being translated - it makes me chuckle every time. Also, I’ve said this before, but I love how this show uses language and the effort it puts into narratively transitioning between different languages instead of just having everyone speak English or showing subtitles because that’s easier. It’s what enhances the realism of this vast universe we’re experiencing every episode.

LIGHTRAY IS AWESOME AND I LOVE HIM ALREADY - as evidenced by the fact I’ve already drawn him three times (that’s why I’m so late posting this.) Also he somehow embodies both Bart and Wally at the same time - physically, personality and costume wise — of course Jay immediately connects with him. Please give me a Jay/Solis conversation where Jay points out that Solis reminds him of Bart and/or Wally. 🙏

If anyone has seen Meet the Robinsons - then Supertown reminds me of the future architecture used in that film… if you haven’t seen Meet the Robinsons - then you totally should because it is a seriously underrated Disney film.

PURPLE FORAGER!

“Kid, you’re gonna wanna rethink that policy.” I really like this moment - instead of retaliating against Orion’s vigilance with hostility or offence - Jay simply and calmly suggest that Orion reevaluate his perception of the situation to understand that it may not be entirely appropriate for the moment they’re in. Orion isn’t intending to mean offence, but he doesn’t process how the bluntness of his tone and words can easily come across as such to someone who’s not familiar with his manner… From the look on her face Rocket definitely takes offence at his request. Orion’s being vigilant - no different to Batman or Nightwing - a trait he’s likely gained from his personal life experiences, Jay’s response remains respectful towards that and never implies that Orion is wrong for being so. He never labels Orion as anything or criticises an upbringing he knows nothing about - he simply give Orion the opportunity to reconsider his request whilst still defending his fellow teammate. The same can be said with Highmother’s response to the situation, she merely reminds Orion of Rocket being their honoured guest and allows him to make his own decision on the matter. She never takes ownership of the situation in order to ‘fix’ it herself, she never speaks for Orion or apologises for his behaviour - she shows trust in her son to make the right choice. She maintains his sense of agency. Throughout the episode she never criticises him for being the way he is or tells him he must change his ways to be better for the likes of other - she shows him respect and support - something I suspect he massively lacked in his upbringing. I’m so intrigued by Orion’s backstory.

Meanwhile Rocket is just giving Orion the death stare as she protects her tech from his confiscation. Had the situation not been diffused the way it had by Jay and Highmother, I think there’s a chance Rocket may have been a little more defensive and sharp towards Orion. He was essentially telling her she must be stripped of the thing which gives her power - which is gonna feel like a personal attack whether it was or not. A defensive response would have been an understandable one - like when she snapped at the woman on the train. The woman was wrong to label Amistad as a rude child whilst also criticising Raquel for failing to teach him manners when she had no context of their situation, especially when Raquel apologised and was clearly trying to defuse the situation respectfully. Raquel ultimately snapping did put an end to the altercation, but you can see she’s the one the background passengers remain looking on negatively - she’s the bad guy even though her defensive reaction was only fuelled by the other woman’s initial defensive reaction to a seemingly personal attack by Amistad. Things might have been avoided had Raquel explained the autism aspect, or had the woman expressed explicitly that her feelings had been hurt by his comment rather that immediately snapping back in offence. Of course, Raquel shouldn’t have to explain such personal matters to a stranger if she doesn’t want to, and the woman was minding her own business, she didn’t intend to offend Amistad’s with her perfume and definitely didn’t ask to be insulted because of it. It’s impossible to simply blame one person for a bad situation like this because when dealing with emotions it’s hard to control the direction they take things. Also you can’t know how something might trigger a person or what their personal situation is in order to keep an altercation under control. That’s why it’s easy to be defensive, to fight hate with hate - problem is, it’s not the most efficient solution and can ultimately fan the flames instead of just extinguishing them with understanding and reason.

I think it’s interesting that there’s a bit of a correlation between Raquel and the old woman from the train. Similar to that woman, Raquel seems to set her opinion of Orion - that he’s not a trustworthy person - based on her immediate reaction of his behaviour and attitude. She fails to look beyond what she sees to understand the person Orion is - to understand what may cause him to behave in such a way - just like the old woman did with Amistad. No one is the person you see, it takes time and understanding to gain a more accurate reading of any person. From to moment of hearing he’s known as the ‘Dog of War’ she’s suspicion of him, then all of his behaviour after that only confirms the validity of her distrust. She sees him try to confiscate her tech, his bluntness and being very closed off around her makes him seem cold, then she watches him ‘attack’ the Larvae and attempt to ‘attack’ her. From her perspective that makes him nothing more than a “Monster” who can never be reasoned with. It’s hard to unsee all the things we don’t like or trust about someone - Rocket’s reaction is completely understandable after witnessing Orion’s outburst - that would be a scary experience and would be hard to forget or overlook. Though in only noticing the bad things, she disregards the discomfort he presents after being trapped in the forcebubble, the respect he shows the bugs by not immediately invading their space, and the fact that he does actually apologise whilst showing genuine remorse after his outburst (an outburst technically caused by the Larvae accidentally attacking him first - another example of reacting defensively towards a misunderstanding and causing more lasting problems than you solve). She disregards it all because she’s already made up her mind. Just like the woman on the train who disregarded Raquel’s attempts to explain, defuse the situation and genuinely apologise for the misunderstanding. Despite those actions, to any onlookers all that will be remembered is Raquel snapping at the old woman.

There’s something about the way Lightray looks at Orion that reminds me of the way Wyynde would look at Kaldur whilst he’s on duty. I don’t know what the dynamic is between these two New Gods but I’m here for it in whatever direction they take it.

Listen to your mother Orion

I love Orion

I think it’s interesting seeing this Orion since our only exposure to him prior was actually M’comm in disguise trying to cause trouble. You can see the validity in Forager’s s3 belief that Orion is honourable and Bears defending of Orion’s name. Here we see that side of Orion. He shows respect towards the Bugs - he stops Jay and Lightray from invading their boundaries without permission, also he essentially shuts down Lightray’s questioning of Foragers presence at the meeting by reinforcing the fact he wasn’t the Bug who committed the crime. Though it gets a little difficult to notice at times behind his blunt manner.

BAD M’COMM!

What is it with this show and giving us cute things - the Larvae are so freaking adorable!

Jay and Lightray are great together - give me more!

I’m guessing that was M’comm messing with the Ruction cell? Time shenanigans?

It’s cool seeing the different types of Bugs - but also leaving some still identical - emphasising their argument that the New Gods think all Bugs look alike. I guess it is similar to what I said above about Raquel’s assumptions of Orion and the old woman’s assumptions of Amistad and Raquel. The New Gods assume all Bugs are the s as me because they look alike - they don’t want to put the time into seeing beyond their outer shell to understand what makes them individual. Forager is Forager, and Forager is also Forager - but they are not the same and that’s why Forager sees no confusion where the non-Bugs do.

“Forager rolls with Foragers hive” - I love how he says this line

DON’T LET GO CONNER!

I get the feeling Darkseid is manipulating M’comm with no intensions of actually giving him what he wants - there’s always gonna be one more task to complete and because M’comm is desperate for the help he’d get, he’ll probably keep doing whatever Darkseid asks.

Has this Lor Zod already ‘killed’ Conner? Or could we be seeing him out of sync with the chronology of everyone else? Time shenanigans? A part of me wonders if this M’comm could find himself being involved with that first arc troubles - like causing the cave in or being asked to help with killing Conner - but maybe can’t go through with it because of how he knows it effected M’gann? Though probably not.

I love the Orion losing control scene - seeing how Lightray truly cares about Orion’s welfare and speaking up for him when he himself can’t. Lightray’s first instinct on scene was to retrieve Orion’s Motherbox because he knows how important it is in helping Orion find comfort when stressed. Then there’s so much concern in his voice as he pleads for Rocket to release Orion as to not inflict more damage than intended — please give me the backstory of their bond — please! Then he shows how strong he is as he’s able to physically stop Orion in his tracks - this moment is so cool. I do love a duo which compliments each other but can still keep up with one another — like Ed & Bart, or Thena & Gilgamesh from Eternals. Seeing Lightray being strong enough to stop Orion with one hand, despite being such a contrast to him in many aspects, is pretty impressive - I just wanna know more about him. Also I love this shot and just had to draw it!

There’s so much shame in Orion’s voice and body language when he apologises for his outburst - my heart breaks for him - especially after his little convo with Highmother. Come on Rocket, how can you overhear that and still not feel for the guy - or at least consider there’s more to the story than realised. He’s not a “Monster” Rocket - he’s just misunderstood!

Like we didn’t already know Conner was in the Phantom Zone

TYE & ASAMI!!! They have got to be showing up at some point - also they are positioned at the most focal point of the composition - right where your eyes naturally view the image and in between BL & superman’s heads. Asami was the first person I noticed as the credits started. PLEASE GIVE US A RUNAWAYS REUNION!

So this is how superman’s been dealing with his grief - scouring the internet for decent pictures of potential heroes for his JL reserves PowerPoint. He’s certainly been busy with it.

Did he say Peacemaker?! As in the dude from The Suicide Squad who would kill anyone in the name of achieving peace - he’s on the list?! Really?? Ok… if you say so Sups.

I really loved this episode and I’m excited to explore more Fourth World content. I’m looking forward seeing Raquel’s journey and discovering more about Orion. I don’t know what expect, but since I’m so late posting this, I don’t have to wait long to find out.

LB

[ootahime]

analyzing every gojohime moment in the manga >:) pt. 3

more and more paragraphs ahead.  BE PREPARED!

i’m also writing this at 3 am so please bear with the horrendous grammar and punctuation.

chapter 63

i know he’s probably like this with everyone but i love how excited he is bragging about his students to her.  he’s like a child telling his mother about an amazing adventure he had with his friends, making sure he mentions every detail.  in the anime, their conversation lasted for 3:41 :3 backwards 341 is 143 which means i love you.  

1 letter = i

4 letters = love

3 letters = you

chapter 63

i love her fit!  i also like how both of them like to wear baggy clothing that accentuates their collarbones `w` it’s like they’re matching in a way.  even if she did tell him to cut the crap, she still let him run his mouth to his content LOL i feel like if he didn’t compliment himself at the end, she would have said something different.  UGH HE LOOKS SO HAPPY CALLING HER

 ah, let me translate the conversation just in case anyone needs it.

utahime: you wanted to talk about the investigation, right?

gojo: well, got any idea who?

utahime: i have no idea.  no one seems suspicious.  what do we do now?  should we ask the students for help?

gojo: yeah, that’s fine.  i’m busy so asking the kids would be okay.  keep looking.  i’m counting on you.

I THINK THAT’S WHAT THEY’RE TRYING TO SAY.

OR it could mean that she’s asking if they should start investigating the students.  it would make sense either way because gojo says in the next panel that he doesn’t want to assume that the mole is a student, and in chapter 79, gojo sends the trio to utahime to help her.  

chapter 63

these two love their students to death.  neither of them wanted to assume that the mole was a student.  in chapter 79, when utahime is talking to the trio about the mole, nobara points out to the group that the traitor must be from kyoto because utahime is the one who’s reaching out to the tokyo side.  utahime has a dismal look on her face, almost like she’s saying, “i didn’t want it to turn out this way -- for this to be true.”  after mechamaru says his farewells to miwa on the train, mai tries to talk about what he did to which utahime says, “it doesn’t matter, he’s dead, after all,” with a similar sunken expression.  i just love how her care for the students is one of the biggest aspects of her personality that’s been showcased so far.  it’s also cool how it ties together with gojo’s belief that no child’s youth should be taken away.  i truly think these two have the capacity to understand each other to a deep level, down to the core.  seeing as utahime is also a teacher, it’s safe to assume that she also wants to raise the next generation of sorcerers to be strong.  utahime and gojo’s similarities and contrasting elements are so interwined, i really wonder if it’s intentional.  like am i looking too much into this?  are utahime and gojo really meant to be this connected?  think about it.  similar motivations, care of the kids, contrasting palettes, the bickering, long history.  IT’S JUST TOO MUCH. 

also can we mention how their phone calls and meetings must be heavily planned out?  this means they’ve talked and interacted with each other A LOT behind the scenes.  she doesn’t answer his call with “what do you want?  don’t bother me on my day off.”  she knows exactly why he’s calling her and they even speak in code.  she probably meets up with him and tells him to call her on a specific day and at a specific time.  they must know each other’s schedules very well in order to execute this investigation in complete secrecy.  when he says, “we can never be too sure who is listening in around utahime” it implies that they find calling a risk, so in order to guarantee that there is no one around, they have to meet up in person.  see where i’m getting at?  they talk A LOTTT and most likely are aware of each other’s daily lives.  

the fact that gojo is her main source of stress when he’s literally a 3 hour train ride away from her is hilarious LMAOOOO.  you know what that means, right?  he must call and text her constantly about random things to annoy her.  

chapter 65

ah yes, my favorite moment by far.  look at that smile on his face.  

chapter 65

he loves saying her name.  he probably rushed over with the sole purpose of doing something like this to her LMAOOOO like i mean, mei was in there with her so technically they both needed to be helped but judging from his words and expression, he only wanted to help utahime.  notice how mei’s not there in the debris.  could she possibly have suspected gojo’s presence or an outside force?  or was she fast enough to avoid being in the debris?  either way, her lack of presence in this scene helps highlight the fact that this is a special interaction between utahime and gojo.  he refers to her in a very familiar sense.  the most formal way to address someone is by their last name followed by the honorific, -san.  in gojo’s case, he should be calling her iori-san if they weren’t acquainted.  he doesn’t even bother to call her utahime-senpai.  granted, gojo is not the most respectful and socially competent person out there because geto points this out to him.  he isn’t even aware that she finds him annoying because he views her bad attitude toward him as her just playing along with him.  he probably thinks she’s flirting back LOLOL

since he asks her “you cryin?” that definitely means that gojo witnessed her crying on one occasion or maybe multiple.  who knows, the old utahime could have been a very emotional person.  while this is happening, mei is close to gojo, she then asks him if he would console her if she were to cry in a flirtatious manner.  gojo dismisses her attempt at flirting with him and says she won’t cry because she’s strong.  now normally, you’re supposed to face the person you’re talking to, GOJO.  he KEEPS his eyes on her even when more people come to join the conversation.  

now, we can all agree that geto, mei, and shoko are better at picking up social cues than gojo.  they probably knew the vibe of the conversation and decided to play along with gojo’s antics.  

chapter 65

WE were worried about you.

pay attention to the order of the characters that show up.  gojo makes his appearance first, then geto, followed by shoko.  based on utahime’s reaction to seeing shoko, it’s evident that these two share a close bond.  shouldn’t shoko be the one to arrive on the scene first?  she’s the closest to utahime and would therefore be more concerned about her condition, right?  i know shoko’s technique doesn’t really allow her to do anything other than treat the wounds of others, but if you heard your friend was missing, you would definitely rush to the scene.  

look at geto’s reaction when mei says, “you’re the one who’s picking on her, geto.  you don’t even know it.”  i think it’s mei who’s saying this because gojo calls geto “suguru”.  but anyway, mei is aware that they’re picking on her.  i don’t think she’s the type to legitimately bully someone for their strength.  her reaction to all of this is very playful and her “heh heh heh” is proof of that.  when geto shows up and swallows the curse before it gets to utahime, he says, “satoru.  it’s not nice to pick on the weak.”  by saying this, he pisses utahime off because he too, is joining in on gojo’s joke.  i believe he’s unaware that he’s making fun of utahime because his reaction is “gah!” with a sweatdrop.  he probably thought gojo was making fun of weak people in general.  

geto’s usually a gentleman seeing as it is canon that he is more popular with girls than gojo.  BUT WHO KNOWS...you gotta be a specific type of person to be best friends with gojo.  maybe he ain’t shit too...  okay, my point is that everyone is just playing along.  when shoko shows up, utahime is relieved to see her because shoko doesn’t tease her like this.  since utahime tells shoko to not become like those two, this implies that geto teases her as well (probably not as much as gojo).  we all know geto is really big on looking out for the weak so he probably wouldn’t have insulted her for real.  

verdict: utahime being weak is just a joke.  i’ve mentioned this so many times, sorry if it’s getting annoying and repetitive hehehehehe...

chapter 65

these three aren’t irresponsible.  geto and gojo are a troublesome duo for sure, but they’re dependable.  seems unlike them to forget something so simple and essential to pretty much every mission.   

chapter 65

here’s my headcanon.  they were hanging outside or in the car when their assistant manager got a call.  the assistant was informed that two days have elapsed since mei and utahime went on their mission (or last contacted someone).  

gojo: that’s weird.  mei’s with her so they should have finished exorcising the spirit sooner.

geto: you think something happened to them?  maybe it’s a strong special grade.

gojo: utahime probably dragged mei down with her.  poor mei-san~  

gojo gets up 

geto: where are you going?  

gojo: going to save utahime!  it’s fine i’ll put up a curtain!

manager: gojo wait!!!!!!!!!!!

geto sighs

shoko: that idiot’s always running off without us.

they pin the blame on gojo for saying that he’ll put up a curtain and leaving the assistant manager behind.  you know what this means?  he ran and the manager couldn’t catch up HEHE... why the rush, gojo?  were you actually concerned about her?  

tbh i don’t see gojo ever running to something unless it’s urgent.  the fact that he ran to save her says a lot.  

----

let me know if you have any thoughts or questions!  i forgot to add this but gojo had a more serious expression when he was explaining how they must’ve been trapped in a barrier that messes with time.  he then states, “we thought it was weird even though you’re here, mei.”  i know he was probably worried sick because if mei couldn’t be contacted then that means something must’ve happened to utahime too.  okay that’s it for now.  i’ll be bringing up this little detail i’ve noticed about utahime in the manga next :3

[ddarker-dreams]

Yan Childe, Diluc, Kaeya, Zhongli, Beidou & Ningguang / Courting Darling.

Warnings: Stalking, implied blackmail, kidnapping, and gaslighting. Note: this is a bit of an amalgamation from different asks i’ve gotten, put into one thing bc i thirst for these six characters so hard .

Childe:

“What’s life without a little adventure? You can stand to miss work for a day or two, it’ll still be there waiting for you when we get back. People have even gone so far as to say I’m an absolute joy to be around. You want to know who said that? Sorry, that source is staying a secret.” 

Childe is an erratic whirlwind of highs and lows. You never know what to expect from him, and he likes it that way, always keeping you on your toes. He doesn’t bother with having his friendliness appear genuine. If you want to doubt his goodwill, then so be it, he won’t stop you. It just makes it all the more interesting to keep you around should you be wary of his presence. 

He doesn’t care for the traditional conventions surrounding romance. It isn’t his thing, and he’s used to being considered the odd one out of every crowd, so why stop now? Childe doesn’t tone down any aspects of his bloodthirsty personality in your presence. It’s difficult to tell how serious he’s being since most of it takes the form of jokes or other lighthearted jests. In his mind, the fact he’s even spending so much time with you should make it obvious he’s interested. Whether that’s good or not. 

You’re going to be dragged all over the place. Childe’s stamina is seemingly an infinite well, as he takes you from activity to activity. By the end of the day, you’ll be exhausted. Unfortunately, he doesn’t take no for an answer, weaseling his way into your schedule despite your protests. Childe is particularly fond of getting into situations where a fight is inevitable, purposefully taking you to areas with monsters to show off his combat prowess. 

“Did you get a look at that, [First]? Aha, I haven’t had this much fun in ages! You already want to head back? Hm, I don’t know, the night is still young. Stop dragging your feet or I might just have to carry you. Not that I’m complaining, should that be the outcome. It’s up to you. Oh! Now that’s the spirit! I’ll try not to be hurt by how fast you’re moving now.” 

Diluc: 

“Ah, [First], I take it you’re doing well. I couldn’t help but notice you eyeing this book at the market earlier. I’ve had a copy of it for ages, but with how busy things are, rarely do I have time to read. I’d be appreciative should you accept this and give it a better home.” 

Diluc is self-assured in many areas of his life, romance is not one of them. He knows how to carry himself in the company of businessmen, staying polite and vigilant, but this rigid method doesn’t work in his favor when it comes to wooing you. To soften the blow on his side, Diluc tells himself that it was never about a relationship anyway. That his main priority was and will always be to ensure your safety. He tells himself this, but... isn’t sure if he really believes it. 

He’s a perfect example of pining from afar. Subconsciously, he’ll drift towards areas you tend to linger around, hoping to spot you amidst the bustling crowds. Each time he tells himself that this’ll finally be the time he approaches you. The opportunity is set before him, waiting to be taken advantage of, but he rarely follows through with his desire. 

It frustrates Diluc to no end how easily others flock to you. He’ll stand there, still as a statue, eyes boring into whatever pest currently holds your attention. This would be the push to finally send him your way. It’s a surprise to you both when Mondstadt’s wine tycoon materializes by your side, politely asking to speak in private. Truth be told, he just can’t stand the thought of another person holding your attention that isn’t him. 

“I apologize for my abruptness back there. There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you about for some time, and well... would you consider having dinner with me tonight? I’d appreciate your company.” 

Kaeya:

“It’s a funny thing, really. How we keep bumping into one another like this. Ah... that suspicious expression, it wounds me deep, sweetheart. When did you start looking at me like that, I wonder?” 

There’s no doubting Kaeya’s interest in you, from the first time he sauntered over to you and started a conversation. The problem you have is deciding how genuine his advances are. While Kaeya might not be the textbook definition of a heart-wrenching playboy, you’re familiar enough with the many rumors surrounding him to be wary. It doesn’t help that he’ll point this out to you when guessing the source of your apprehension. 

His methods are, oddly enough, effective. Kaeya balances the various aspects of seduction with ease. He reveals just enough about himself to draw out your attention, before focusing the conversation back onto you. You’ll never get to stop and realize how little you know about the man sitting in front of you, he makes certain of that.

Kaeya might hide certain aspects of himself, but his dubious morality is never concealed. He has you entirely wrapped around his finger, words validating his actions falling from his lips with the utmost ease; he’s a force to be reckoned with. You’ll start a conversation heated about something you’ve learned, only for it to end wondering why you were ever upset in the first place.

“Now, now, there’s no need to get all riled up over something like this. Don’t you trust me by now? When have I ever given you reason to doubt me? You need to take a look at the bigger picture. Hey, take a seat. I’ll sit here all night explaining to you if it’s necessary.” 

→[More underneath the cut].

Zhongli: 

“There must be something that I can assist you with. It may not look it, but I’m familiar with many fields of work, even obscure ones. Please allow me to lend a hand.” 

Zhongli, despite having been around for many centuries, is somewhat clueless in romantic pursuits. He’s aware of his fondness for you, but doesn’t know what to do with it. This leads him to becoming your shadow for some time. He focuses on what he knows best: observation and processing new information. Your every little movement will be analyzed and tuck into the back of his mind for later usage. 

Zhongli’s soft over the idea of you coming to rely on him for everything. He prides himself on his wealth of knowledge and work ethic, believing it a strong appeal, one that he puts on full display when you’re around. It’s not rare for you to overhear neighbors and friends speak highly about Zhongli. They’ll mention in passing how they were having difficulty with something, only for Zhongli to come around and help without asking for anything in return. 

This is exactly what he’s been hoping and waiting for. Zhongli has patience and sets himself up to be a desirable partner in your eyes, the efforts from his labor coming into fruition. Before you even speak to him for the first time, you’re likely to think highly of him, having heard all the ways he’s helped people close to you. Now that the stage is properly set, he’s ready to make his interest in you more evident. 

“I’ve heard a lot about you, [First]. Oh? You can say the same for me? Well, I hope I can live up to your expectations. I had just been on my way to Yanshang Teahouse, would you care to join me? My treat, of course.” 

Beidou: 

“You haven’t lived until you’ve experienced a voyage with my crew and I. I’ll set up a nice cabin just for you, how does that sound? Hm? Special treatment? Don’t worry your pretty little head about that, lass.”  

Beidou’s attention is overwhelming and oftentimes dangerous. Traditional social conventions are nothing but a waste of time for her, meaning that common courtesy is disregarded in favor of always speaking her mind. Which might not be so bad if she wasn’t so amorous. Even the most oblivious person couldn’t miss Beidou’s overt favor towards you.

This reverent display of affection is only exacerbated when she’s drunk, face flushed and an arm swung tightly around your shoulder. She doesn’t care who sees, who’s judging, or what gossip will be born from her actions. Beidou makes a point of showing everyone in the vicinity that even if you aren’t officially partners yet, a claim has been staked on you. 

Whether it be coercion or some other unsightly method, Beidou is intent on bringing you on her ship at least once. Or that’s how she initially phrased it to you. Imagine your surprise, that when you finally caved so she’d drop the subject, her crew was untying the ropes keeping the boat at port. 

“The fun’s just getting started, you haven’t seen anything yet. Don’t get all teary-eyed yet, sweetheart, I know you’ll come around. This’ll be a story sung by sailors for generations to come.”

Ningguang:

“If I’m being honest, not many are given the opportunity to speak to me outside of business-related ventures. I never thought I’d find it this... pleasant. I hope you’ll continue to entertain me as you do now.” 

Ningguang starts off her wooing in a subtle, almost coquettish manner. She is confident in her charm and brilliance. Not many have been gifted in the art of conversation to the same extent Ningguang has, her silver tongue paired with quick intellect making it difficult for you to escape. She’ll corner you verbally without you even noticing it. 

Ningguang finds amusement in how you stumble over your words, pure of heart and not chained down by special interests. Your forthright but considerate demeanor intoxicates her. She’s used to people cowering in her presence or trying too hard to pursue their goals. You might even earn a rare compliment or two, disguised as politeness, that doesn’t register for hours. 

She is a lady of fine taste. The sky’s the limit when it comes to her wealth, which is unrivaled throughout Tevyat, and you’ll be quick to notice this. Ningguang is most partial to sending you traditional Liyue adornments, believing the rich culture behind each piece suits your beauty. She’s also fond of the fact that when you wear her gifts, everyone in the vicinity will know it’s from her, due to its extraordinarily high cost. 

“Do you like my latest gift, little dove? It was made custom with you in mind, an unrivaled display of craftmanship, if I may add. Wear this and carry me with you... always.” 

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Wishmaker

Goddamn it... 

It's bad enough Astruc tastelessly axed Lukanette, but now he just had to show up to give a sarcastic eulogy at the funeral.

Let's get into the fourteenth (chronologically the eighteenth) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Wishmaker

Right out of the gate, we get a “Chloe bad” joke with her insulting Marinette for being poor or whatever as she hands out flyers for an upcoming career fair. Chloe doesn't have much of a role in the episode, but she will be important towards the end, trust me. We also get a funny “Marinette stares lovingly at Adrien” joke while she sees him, so it's good the writers are at least trying to get their strange habits out of their systems now instead of later.

While reading over the flyer in his room, Adrien ponders a possible career as he doesn't want to keep being a model.

(The episode came out in English first, so I'm just going to be using quotes instead of screenshots of subbed scenes for this review)

Plagg: Don't you wanna continue to model?

Adrien: I don't think so, Plagg. I'm doing it now because my father asked me to. But now I realize I don't know what I'd want to do. I've never asked myself that question.

This is a really interesting dilemma for Adrien. Unlike other episodes that just have him feel sad for entirely superfluous reasons like Ladybug turning him down or generally moping about his mom, it feels like something you can really understand. He genuinely isn't sure what he wants to do with his life because he's had everything chosen for him before. I also like the use of the English dub saying Adrien modeled because his father asked him to, as if he couldn't actually say no. I also like how Adrien is still starting to lose faith in Ladybug for giving out Miraculous to everyone, which makes even more sense after his view of her was shaken in the previous episode chronologically, “Rocketear”. I also like how Plagg suggests ideas for a career for Adrien, like the two of them opening up a cheese shop together, which shows how Plagg cares for Adrien and wants what's best for him, ultimately highlighting how healthy their relationship is. He's almost like a big brother who gives advice to Adrien, even if it isn't the most sound advice at times.

On the other hand, Marinette already knows what she wants to do with her life, but the Kwamis start to argue over what she actually means by it by saying they know what she wants to do, a painfully accurate metaphor for the writers dictating Marinette's actions no matter how inconsistent they are.

Pollen: What's a career, dear Guardian?

Marinette: Oh. Well, it's... your job! Something really important that you do and gives meaning to your life!

Roaar: Oh! So, your job is being the Guardian of the Miraculous!

Mullo: Of course not! It's being a student!

Xuppu: Not at all! It's making presents for Adrien!

Marinette:Well...

Longg: She said “something important”, like when she crafted the big doll house to hide the Miracle Box!

Wayzz: Or when she designed the alarm for this room! What a masterpiece!

Marinette: Sure, I love crafting but—

Ziggy: You guys don't get it! What gives meaning to her life is to be in love with Adrien, or Luka, that's her job!

Fluff: Luka's the one with the guitar, right?

Kaalki: Her real career is being Ladybug and carve her name in history by her glorious deeds, of course!

Of course, their bickering somehow makes Marinette realize she isn't sure what she wants to do in the future after all.

We then cut to a reality show hosted by TV personality, Alec Cataldi. He's generally an asshole to the people on the shows he hosts and takes pleasure in humiliating or just being a dick to them, making you wonder how he still gets work with that attitude. Basically, he's the Alec Baldwin of the Miraculous Ladybug universe. The current show he's hosting is one where he roasts people for their jobs, making Andre a target by pointing how counterproductive his “business” is.

Alec: Here's a perfect example: Andre, the Ice Cream Maker, the ice cream man that is never around! Let me remind you how this goes: Andre doesn't have a shop, no one knows where he is, it takes forever to find him, and he gets to pick a flavor of your ice cream! You've gotta be kidding, Andre! Give me one reason why I should bother to chase after you when I could get my choice of ice cream in any corner supermarket!

Andre: Well, people don't just come for ice cream when they find me. They come to share their love and experience of magical moments! A supermarket cannot do what I do! I am a creator of magical moments!

Alec: “Creator of magical moments?” You've gotta be kidding!

I'm pretty sure that's what a lot of people thought of Andre when they first saw “Glaciator”. The idea behind Andre is that he chooses ice cream for you representing something about yourself, so he gives Alec a scoop of lime to represent his sour exterior and chocolate cinnamon to represent the dreams he still has within. Alec flinches a little at the ice cream, presumably because of how terrible of a combination that is, and decides to go to commercial to think.

Marinette talks to Andre about what he does, and he explains he used to be an office worker, with the only highlight of his days being making ice cream for himself after work. It eventually inspired him to quit his job and start making ice cream for everyone. It's a nice backstory, and I think a lot of people watching who are struggling to think about their future can relate to this like with the earlier scene with Adrien. It's also a nice touch for the flashbacks to reveal Andre has served ice cream to some of France's most famous couples.

(Jean Coutau and Jean Marais)

(Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin)

(Marion Cotillard and Guillaume Canet)

Granted, I'm wondering how old Andre is to have even met some of these people given Jean Cocteau died in 1963, but seeing how Master Fu is 186, I'm guessing the Miraculous Ladybug universe just has really good healthcare. Either that, or the people in this universe take Jay Kordich's diet very seriously.

Andre gives some ice cream to Marinette, who is soon joined by her ex-boyfriend who she never loved according to the writers. Actually, judging from her face when Luka talks about the very first guitar he made, the writers made another 180 regarding Marinette's feelings for Luka.

Of course, because the show wants to remind the audience Alec still exists, he makes fun of Luka for taking two years to perfect the delicate craftsmanship it takes to sculpt any instrument when you can just download an app on your phone. Your inner boomer is showing, writers, even if you were born after the time period for that generation. Luka retorts with some vague philosophical line he's known for that's one of the reasons why people are so mixed on him as a character

Luka: Musical instruments fill the space and space fills the instruments. No phone in the world will ever be able to do that.

Despite it being incredibly confusing, it gets to Alec, causing him to run off in tears. Luka and Marinette continue to talk, but it turns out that's Adrien decided to sit down nearby because of course he did. Though, like the last scene, it's a pretty interesting one as the three discuss what they want to do with their lives. There's also a really nice visual of a blimp with an ad Adrien was in passing by while Adrien talks about his father dictating his life, a really nice symbol. Of course, the scene is somewhat ruined by Luka suddenly deciding to be an Adrienette shipper.

Luka: You two will eventually find what's already in front of you, but you can't hear it clearly. Just let the melody flow.

He's referring to their uncertainty of their futures, but earlier on, Luka wanted to help Marinette be honest with her feelings about Adrien, and even before that, Andre was saying that Marinette and Luka didn't have to be in love to enjoy his magic ice cream. It's here when I realized this episode is subtly trying to end any chances of Lukanette still happening with so many little details. Right when the two spend time together, that's when they decided to help Adrien who showed up for no reason, preventing them from potentially coming to terms with their feelings for each other or at the very least discuss how hard it is to be friends with their history. And things only get more frustrating towards the end, where you'd swear someone decided to smother Lukanette with a pillow in its sleep.

Back to Alec, he's roasting a wig salesman (does he even have permission to film any of these people?) for his job, but as soon as the salesman puts a wig on him, Alec immediately gives us his life story.

Alec: When I was a kid, I used to have long hair, but everyone made fun of me. That's why I shaved it all off. I've been making the wrong choices my whole life. My TV shows are nothing personal. I make fun of people when they make fun of me when I was a kid. (Starts to tear up) I should've been the person I always wanted to be, trying to change the world instead of mocking it! (Falls on his knees) I've wasted my life!

I didn't paraphrase this at all. This is seriously what happened. He goes from mocking everyone he meets, to slightly doubting himself after seeing an ice cream vendor and a young musician, and then he starts having an existential crisis about his tragic backstory. It's not a bad idea, but if there was some more buildup in previous episodes, I'd understand. But this goes from confusing to straight out insulting towards the end. I'll get to that later on.

Shadowmoth notices Alec's emotions and akumatizes him into Wishmaker through his microphone.

Wishmaker has a pretty cool design. The grey skin color coupled with the mostly black outfit really highlights Alec's broken heart, and he looks pretty sinister. His powers... leave a lot to be desired.  Like the name states, Wishmaker has the power to make everyone's childhood dreams come true, like this one guy's dream is to be Santa Claus, so he transforms into Saint Nick without any hitch. Wouldn't it make more sense if Wishmaker twisted the dreams of his victims like a genie and made them miserable while they ironically lived out their fantasies by twisting around their words? Instead, all of his “victims” seem pretty happy, which doesn't really do much to make him a threat in my opinion.

So the aforementioned Santa starts dropping presents like bombs near Marinette, Adrien, and Luka, and they're separated by a giant robot. Marinette quickly transforms into Ladybug, and gets Luka to safety, though as soon as she leaves, Luka goes to check on where he told Marinette to stay for safety, and doesn't see her there. Instead, he sees his deadbeat father (transformed into a crocodile) drowning and goes to save him.

Ladybug meets up with Cat Noir (who transformed off-screen) and the two easily incapacitate the robot before engaging Wishmaker, avoiding his blasts. Apparently, they'll get their secret identities revealed if they get hit, so Ladybug goes to get Luka to help out as Viperion while Cat Noir holds off Wishmaker. Ladybug goes to get Luka, leading to the funniest joke in the episode.

She gives Luka the Snake Miraculous and he transforms into Viperion, immediately activating his Second Chance. For newcomers, Second Chance allows the user to set a point in time when activating it and if something goes wrong, they can go back to that checkpoint in up to five minutes. Ladybug also summons her Lucky Charm, a stuffed dinosaur toy.

Back with Cat Noir, as he engages Wishmaker, the Akuma starts to tempt him with the idea of living out his childhood dream, because he genuinely doesn't remember his. As Shadowmoth orders Wishmaker to use his powers on Cat Noir, Ladybug and Viperion show up, but in the chaos of the fight, Ladybug gets hit by Wishmaker, revealing her childhood dream as the “Knitting Fairy”, and exposes her identity to Viperion, who uses Second Chance to undo the timeline.

In the new timeline, Cat Noir's vulnerability gets to him, so he willingly lets himself get his by Wishmaker, not only exposing his identity as Adrien, but tragically reveals his childhood dream, to be whatever his parents wanted him to be. I feel like this works a lot better than some of the other moments where Cat Noir defied orders or screwed around on the battlefield because it's clearly framed as a moment of weakness on his part, and it was naturally built up over the course of the episode. The reveal of Adrien's childhood dream is a real gut punch too, as it shows just how much Adrien's life has been controlled by his family.

In the third timeline, Viperon deflects Wishmaker's blast meant for Cat Noir and redirects it toward a man whose childhood dream was to become a giant stuffed dinosaur. The stuffed dinosaur in question goes to give Wishmaker a hug, restraining him long enough for Ladybug to steal for Cat Noir to cataclysm (It's a microphone, how hard is it to break???) before she de-evilizes the Akuma. Ladybug uses Miraculous Ladybug to force everyone to stop living out their childhood dreams, she gives Alec a Magical Charm, and Luka decides not to tell Ladybug he knows both her and Cat Noir's secret identities. Why did Ladybug expect Luka not to know her identity when the whole reason she recruited him was to make sure nobody else found out her identity?

Now, while it isn't outright said, it's hinted at that now that Luka knows Marinette is Ladybug and Adrien is Cat Noir, judging from his dejected look after finding out the latter, he may be giving up on all attempts at the idea of getting back together with Marinette, and may or may not start shipping the Love Square now, just like how Kagami decided to ship Adrienette in “Mr. Pigeon 72”. I'm not saying the idea of Luka knowing someone's identity is bad, but it feels like this only happened specifically to stop him from having feelings for Marinette because now he knows Adrien loves her alter ego, and vice versa. Maybe it'll be touched upon in a later episode, but this was just a dick move by the writers in terms of ending all chances of Lukanette like this in order to ensure the Love Square has absolutely no competition.

So the episode ends with Marinette and Adrien deciding to focus on their futures while Alec starts a new show where he helps people live out their childhood dreams, albeit dressed like Style Queen for some reason.

Eh, he still picked a pretty cool Akuma to dress up as in my opinion. A lot of people have viewed this ending as evidence Alec is a drag queen with how he dressed up, coupled with the fact that he said something that was very similar to famous drag queen RuPaul.

Alec: And now, we're gonna love one another, starting with everyone loving themselves! Because how are you gonna love other people if you don't love yourself?

Though Astruc, being Astruc, once again decided to be vague when asked about the subject on Twitter, though at least the subtext is better than when he said he didn't make Juleka and Rose girlfriends because of censors while making it seem like a noble act.

Overall, this was a really good episode, though there were some underlying issues that really kept me from actually liking it. For the most part, it had some good drama with the main character, a rare scene where Marinette didn't stammer around Adrien, a creative (albeit flawed) Akuma with some good action, and an interesting idea with Luka knowing everything about the Love Square now.

There are just two big problems that really got to me about this episode. Let's get the obvious one out of the way, Luka. Honestly, he really didn't need to be in the episode. Sure, he gave some sound advice to Marinette and Adrien about their careers, but it felt kind of strange to see someone their age talking to them about their future when Andre, someone who actually had experience struggling to figure out what he wanted to do with his life, was pushed to the side. And like I said earlier, I think the only reason Luka found out about Marinette and Adrien's identities was to discourage him from thinking about getting back together with Marinette. After all, now that he realizes how “made for each other” they are, he can't stand in the way of the Love Square.

The problem is that in the context of the episode, we don't really see what made him see things that way. At least in “Mr. Pigeon 72”, Kagami consistently viewed Marinette's attempts to get her and Adrien back together as a subconscious desire to be with Adrien. It was dumb with how she decided to go to Team Adrienette at the end of the episode, but it was something. I'm glad the episode didn't force in too many Love Square shenanigans, but I think more should have been done to contextualize Luka's feelings towards the reveal. I get the writers wanted to make sure Lukanette had no chance of coming back, but this just feels rushed.

And then there's Alec's redemption arc. While it's not a bad idea in concept, the problem is that it flies in the fact of a recurring theme this season, that being redemption. Because, here's the funny thing: Alec blatantly said he became an asshole TV personality because of his history of bullying, and decided to retaliate as a result, but he eventually saw the error of his ways and turned over a new leaf. For long time readers of this blog, I apologize for bringing this up yet again, but what exactly makes this different from everything Astruc said about Chloe? You know, when he said that you make your formative choices when you're fourteen? Just like how Alec decided to become a reality TV host making fun of people after a troubling experience from when he was a kid?

Let's say that I agree with Astruc's views about Chloe. How is Alec different from what Astruc's said about Chloe for almost two years at this point? What makes Chloe, someone who was the victim of a troubled childhood who never got help, an irredeemable monster while Alec, someone who also had a troubled childhood and had even more time to get help while never getting any, capable of change? I thought he Alec made a formative choice when he was young and stuck with it, just like how Chloe started to fully develop at the age of fourteen. I mean, Astruc, you yourself said that Chloe's troubled childhood “was no excuse to treat people like shit”, according to you.

I'm just saying, dude, if Chloe can't be redeemed because of the stuff you yourself said, then that shouldn't apply to Alec either. When you really think about it, it's almost like Astruc either made up a bunch of excuses to not redeem Chloe, or he's a massive hypocrite for going back on his word. You can't really justify this kind of hypocrisy relating to Alec's redemption when you remember just how much of a hardass Astruc was when explaining why redemption was impossible for Chloe.

This coupled with the treatment of Luka really drags this episode from really good to blatantly insulting to certain viewers. Then again, these two choices just got to me personally. I feel like if those two things weren't there, things could have made this episode a lot better for me personally. I can see why a lot of people in the fandom still like this episode, but I'm honestly not a fan of it.

[scribbly-dee]

Inspired by this post

I adore corruption arcs, so I graded how well the non-archivist characters would have damned humanity if they had been the archivist.

Sasha James 11/10, would be an ideal archivist, this plus her height is probably why the stranger monster targeted her before she could peak

I have a soft spot for any au that knows Sasha has never seen a brain cell in her life and that any unhinged!Sasha au is really just a regular Sasha au. Picture it with me. Sasha and Jon have parallel archivist tracks, until Sasha (my beloved show off) decides: you know what would make me more efficient at snooping? Becoming a Human Google. And things accelerate. The Web doesn't even need to bother with subtly magic lighters, it slaps all 14 marks on her at once by pulling up next to Sasha in a windowless van with "free secrets 👍" written on the side.

After the Unknowing, Sasha takes over the institute from Elias instead of Martin and Peter. With Tim dead, Jon in a coma, Martin lonely-snatched, Melanie compulsively homicidal, Daisy in the coffin, and Basira on autopilot, she quickly bonds with Rosie, the ultimate nosiness enabler. Sasha is a fully marked archivist for a good long while, but doesn't start the apocalypse right away because she's eager to read ALL the ominous notes Elias left, so the watcher's crown statement is in her to-be-read pile. When the apocalypse starts (Rosie: "Hey, Sasha, I just read something extra fucked up that Elias wrote, wanna see?" Sasha: "God yes."), she books it to become the pupil with Rosie as her anchor. Mayhapse an anchor-archivist polycule with Archivist Jon and Martin? Mayhapse Jon is just a normal eye avatar here and deeply invested in all of Sasha's eyepocalypse statements, so it's Sasha and her plus-three? Mayhapse it's a race across the eyepocalypse wasteland between Archivist Sasha and Archivist Jon to usurp Jonah and become the pupil?

Tim Stoker 2/10 dude's here for a good time, not a long time

The only way I see this working is if Elias disguises not-stranger clues as circus related so Tim is motivated to investigate. Otherwise, his archival assistants are way more curious than him and disobey his direct orders to 🍹chill🏝. Jon, Sasha, and Martin inadvertently bring marks home to him like cats bring home dead birds. He asserts his agency when he decides the best course of action? Actually? Just blow up the archives. This unfortunately puts him in a false sense of security, and Elias makes him read the watcher's crown statement by cat fishing him on grindr and sending the ritual as a dm mid conversation.

Daisy Tonner - 9/10 archivist, would have started doomsday before she was at the archivist job long enough to use her PTO

Daisy already had a lot of experience hunting down fear-entity-related people in sectioned cases, which means she possibly canonically already has all the marks from just hunting avatars who use their powers in self defense. The reason she lost one point is because she's too much of a jock to read, only nerds are culpable to watcher crown statements, so this would be the only delay but oh what a delay it will be.

Melanie King - 7/10 archivist, points awarded for achieving her breakthroughs by smashing her head against a wall until she literally breaks through, points deducted for doing so in full clown makeup.

If Jon got a handful of marks by just asking anoying questions in the same room as an avatar, imagine how much faster Melanie would get marks by bringing her trademark Chaotic Brat personality on fear entity investigations. The apocalypse would have started in like two seasons: one season to hire her off the streets and establish shakey, complex relationships with her new assistants (Jon and Sasha put in the time with the institute but were passed over on this promotion for some random YouTuber (plus they're tighter with Tim and Martin, so proletarian solidarity against the boss)).

Then a second season to stab every mark and get stabbed in return. Melanie would blitz through all 14 marks because what precious little impulse control she starts with is slowly replaced with slaughter juice. One fun moral ambiguity to explore could be if Melanie tries to use her new, dangerous Eye/Slaughter powers to revive her reputation and platform in the supernatural community now that she can, ya know, identify supernatural things for the first time ever. Does she acknowledge her entire career up to her hospital episode apparently only investigated fake sightings? A better question to ask is whether Basira, Tim, and Jon ever let her live down how Ghost Hunt UK's professional dignity was contingent on the legitimacy of her sCiEnTiFiC gHoSt eQuIpMeNt in those episodes, so the temperature spikes set to dramatic music were well and truly just temperature spikes and dramatic music. Sasha found a clip of that music playing as Melanie narrates "it's a message... from the other side..." and made it as her text tone.

Also, it would be hilarious if Melanie tried to kill Jonah on sight in the panopticon, once again botched assassination attempt number 1,963,538, and then Jon quietly snuck in to finish the job on his first try just like in canon.

Jon: "What, like it's hard?"

Basira Hussain 3/10 archivist, her eye alignment manifests as office gossip, like a normal person

Basira has the most formidable super power of all: the power to nope tf out of any conversation or plan she wants. She therefore would probably take 10x longer to start the apocalypse than any other archivist because her fatal flaw is refusal to directly engage with a lot of personally difficult things (like the slaughter bullet surgery she organized, Daisy In General, etc). The marks will be slow going if she resists putting her safety on the line or invests time in making good plans (which is smart, but unhelpful for dooming humanity). She would for sure still get marked and end the world because once she's convinced of a plan (aka Elias convinces her of a plan), she's ruthlessly efficient. So I'd stay out of her way that last year or two, she marks the entities right back at them.

Martin Blackwood 2/10 archivist, considering a prerequisite for creepy eye avatar staring is the ability to make eye contact.

S1 Archivist Martin would probably dote too much on the employees under him to be hugely susceptible to Elias' isolation-dependant manipulation. Any progress Martin inadvertently achieves toward the watcher's crown goal would have to be contingent on it helping his loved ones, which is perfect fuel for a "corrupted by good intentions" arc. This would be key because Martin has superb bullshit and manipulation detection, making the marks are tricky but not impossible to orchistrate considering Jon can't stay put in a safe corner for 10 minutes and Martin's mother would refuse to stay with him where she's safe from avatar threats.

Imagine the petty drama when Jon and Sasha learn he got the promotion they wanted because he lied on his CV.

Other than that, Martin would be even worse about pit stops on the apocalypse road trip than Jon because his Kill Bill mode would have no off switch. Does Archivist!Martin and his anchor Jon ever reach the panopticon? Eventually, but not until after they lose points for significantly reducing the apocalypse fear quantity. Would Annabelle survive to deliver her cryptic MaCHiNAtIoNs and achieve the Web's goal? Hard No, additional point reduction for neutralizing the multiverse invasion. Points potentially earned back if Martin's Web connection is strong enough to come up with the multiverse invasion plan on his own, though.

Georgie Barker 4/10, as a fearless coward, all the fear she feeds to the entities would be khaki flavored. They'd get their apocalypse, but they probably wouldn't enjoy the meal.

Similar to Basira, Georgie has the super power to Fuck This Shit I'm Out. She would overall be a subpar humanity damning archivist; a major archivist success factor of Jon's is that he has enough affective empathy to be afraid with every statement giver he reads, so when Jon archives a statement, he unintentionally contributes to the fear soup seasoning. Combined with how Georgie doesn't want anything to do with entity drama, so any corruption specific to the watcher's crown would stagnate. Even her casual exposition conversations would go like

Georgie: "I've connected no dots."

Melanie: "you've connected a lot of dots??"

Georgie: "I've connected shit all dots."

The reason she gets one more point than Basira is because Georgie's fatal flaw is the passive observer quality the Eye tried to stoke in Jon. Her level of engagement oscillates between two extremes, impulsive over commitment and judging from a distance. This would probably lead her to geting involved just long enough for her involvement to become irreversible, at which point she would try to cut that shit out of her life after it's trapped her. She'd linger, barricading herself on the margins of this problem as the marks that are targeted at her slowly tally up until boom. Apocalypse is on and she only half understands what's happening.

Georgie would wander around an apocalypse hellscape confused, but vibes and physical health fully intact. Anchor!Melanie would have quite the emotional journey starting with Georgie on that pedestal Melanie placed her, and ending with a slaughter avatar stabbing the person who convinced her to work on her slaughter inclination.

[blushing-titan]

My reasons to ship Erehisu

About two weeks ago, I got an anonymous ask that reads:

what made you ship erehisu? I don't ship anyone in the series (and defo not eremika lol) and I want to understand the reasons

...but when I tried to answer it on my app, it turned out that I can only post 10 pictures per post, so I decided to make a longer, regular one with my thoughts on this topic 😄 Erehisu remains one of my favorite ships in the series (...with the other ones being Yumi/hisu and Levi/han), so I really enjoy talking about it (...well, at least I did, before I started moving away from the series after that mess of a finale). Without further ado, my reasons to ship Erehisu are under the cut (just a quick warning: the pictures are obviously not mine, and there are some anti-eremika themes in this post).

They had an actual developement

As we know: in the beginning, Historia was pretending to be this good, selfless girl Krista. Later on, we learn that Eren was not particularly fond of her façade (...keep in mind he was the only person who noticed that she was acting off, too - obviously excluding Ymir, who was Historia's closest person and knew about her secret). As Historia chooses to embrace her identity and stop pretending, his opinion on her changes - he reassures her and appreciates the real Historia.

You’re just normal. Just a normal girl who’s absurdly honest. (Eren, ch. 54)

Eren...that day...the time you called me...normal. That made me really...happy. (Historia, ch. 65)

Later on, after Historia saves Eren in the Reiss cave, his thoughts on her change even further. There isn't just something that he likes about her anymore - instead, he starts to actually admire her strength and actions.

(ch. 68)

(ch. 70)

Even further on, he prioritizes her safety and hides an important piece of information that could help Paradis' cause - only because it could potentially put Historia in harm's way.

(ch. 89)

(ch. 90)

(ch. 106)

Keep in mind that there was a time skip in between these chapters, which means Eren kept this secret for years. He hid it even from Armin and Mikasa. After it's finally revealed, he strongly disagrees with, and fights against Historia becoming a titan for the sake of the island. Eren’s sentiment towards Historia is even noticed by Hanji on a few different occasions - it’s something that Hanji brings up while questioning him, later on.

(ch. 107)

Eren also meets Historia in secret, warns her of danger, and downright doesn't let her sacrifice herself - even when she assures him that she's ready to do it. 

(ch. 130)

She's also one of the only people with whom he shares the information about the rumbling. He also brings up her own words that she said to him back in the Reiss cave.

(ch. 130)

I believe he doesn't fight for her just because she's one of his friends. It's a natural progression that comes from the shared experience they had in the Reiss cave. Eren got to know and appreciate the real Historia, so whenever she reverts back to the Krista persona, he's there to remind her that she should live for herself and don't let others use her - just like Ymir told her, and just like Historia told him in the Reiss cave. When Eren stands up for Historia in ch. 107 and blatantly refuses to let her get sacrificed, she's actually touched to the point of tearing up.

Their relationship changes and deepens with time, and it's actually shown in the manga - not just as symbols or small hints, but actual, full-fledged conversations/actions. In my opinion, this should be the base of any well-estabilished ship. We have quite a few one-on-one moments with these two that illustrate this progression. There are also panels in which we can peak into Eren's thoughts on Historia, which makes for an unfiltered source of his opinions on her.

They can relate to each other

Something I find really important as well is that Eren and Historia can find each other very relatable, and therefore - understand each other's struggles better.

Both were used by their fathers, and both caused their demise. Both were fiercely protected by someone. Both felt like the world would be better without them, at some point. Both had a big role to play, despite having doubts if they can do it right (Eren, being humanity's titan; Historia, being the queen). Both wanted to sacrifice themselves for their people's sake - and both intervened, saving each other from actually going through with this decision.

Their relationship is well-balanced

Eren and Historia don't clash when it comes to their personalities. As their relationship grows, they mutually admire, protect and motivate each other, while still remaining two separate characters - with their own goals and traits. They freely talk to each other about their struggles; they also care about each other’s actual feelings on them.

(ch. 54)

(ch. 70)

I can easily see them as partners, which is something I've always had troubles with when it comes to EM. It's just hard not to make this comparison, since Mikasa's character has always been pretty much fully centered around Eren, which - in my eyes - made their relationship look unbalanced and toxic. I've already spoke about my issues with EM in depth in this post, so I won't elongate this one with repeating the same arguments - still, one of the reasons I started shipping Erehisu in the first place is the fact that I immediately saw it as a much more normal, healthy, and well-balanced alternative to EM.

Parallels and relevance to the story’s themes

Parallels are something that, for some reason, make a lot of people mad. I have no idea why - these things appear in the manga, so why not talk about them?

Aside from parallels between Eren and Historia (...please, keep in mind that I didn’t list all of them in this post), there are also a lot of obvious parallels between Historia and the founder Ymir - to the point, when the entire Requiem der Morgenröte ending revolves around this theme:

I've also already spoke about how Ymir/Historia parallels could possibly be tied to Eren in this answer.

(Historia on the cover of vol. 16/Ymir in ch. 122)

Aside from that, there are a few subtle Grisha/Dina and Eren/Historia parallels, as well. Historia is a royal, hiding as a regular person - just like Dina did, before joining the revivalists. Dina also tears up when Grisha stands up for Eldians, just like Historia does when Eren stands up for her.

(ch. 68)

(ch. 86)

(ch. 67)

(ch. 86)

(ch. 56)

(ch. 86)

(ch. 107)

(ch. 86)

Quite interestingly, in a lot of these parallels Historia and Eren act in an opposite way as to previous generations. While Frida teaches Historia to be a good, selfless girl, Historia ends up abandoning this persona to save herself and Eren in the Reiss cave. She doesn’t want to devote herself to fate - instead, she’s prepared for a showdown with it. While the founder Ymir’s children are ordered to eat their own mother to ensure her power’s succession (...and a few hundred years later, Grisha fights to return the founder’s power back to his wife - Dina), Eren does everything he can to ensure Historia and her children are safe and never even titanised in the first place. 

As the story unfolds, we learn about it’s leading themes - some of which are: oppression and fighting for freedom, desire to change history, the mechanism of circle of hate, and how it affects children who are a part of it. In my eyes, Erehisu just perfectly fit with these themes, especially considering how later on Historia’s pregnancy was handled in the manga.

There were countless ways to answer the who’s the father question? immediately, without even starting up conversation about it - for example, I don’t understand why it was needed to bring up the fact that Historia didn’t marry the farmer in the first place. What was it’s purpose, aside from stirring up theories - especially considering how in the last chapter it’s revealed that they are married, after all? Why end up the Eren/Historia flashback on the What do you think about me having a child? question, when the whole conversation they had beforehand was literally about Eren disagreeing with Historia wanting to get pregnant just to save herself? It doesn’t make sense, and led me (and many other readers - judging from opinions I read online and chapter reactions on youtube) to belive that there were other reasons, and that there was more to this conversation then was initially shown.

If the conclusion to this plotline was always supposed to be that she got pregnant just to save herself...then what was this mysterious built-up for? Why show this conversation in the first place, and in such a weird manner, too? Why not have Historia just say it out loud in ch. 130: yes, I got pregnant to save myself in the beginning, and spare us this whole I will not allow it talk...you know, instead of ending the conversation on the What do you think about me having a child? when the whole previous talk was about Eren fighting against it? Where’s the logic?

The truth is - from my perspective, Erehisu had a lot of logical build up that would benefit the story, and stay true to it’s already established themes and both characters’ previous developement. On top of that, I also think they simply had great chemistry.

That’s all from me today 😄 I apologize you had to wait so long for this, anon...life got in the way, and as I said - I think I’m just getting over this series. Hope you’re doing well anyway 😊