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livingwithloops · 6 years ago

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Lupus: The Misunderstood Suckiness

If you have to have a terrible disease, Lupus is a particularly shitty one to have. Not only does it make you feel horrible every single day, but to make matters even worse, most people don’t understand what it is or even really believe that it’s a thing. If you have cancer, people pray for you, run 5ks in your name, and make t-shirts with motivational sayings like “save the tatas” on them. When you have Lupus, people tell you that you should really work on a more positive mental attitude and make a five-year plan that includes a job that you’ll probably be able to do in spite of your inconvenient infirmity.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t know what Lupus was either when my daughter got it. I was like, “huh?” (Dumbfounded deer in the headlights gaze and all). I didn’t think Lupus was that serious, even though my daughter was currently, at that precise moment, at imminent risk of dying from it. Imagine the shitty luck–getting a disease that might really kill you that most people around you (including yourself) don’t even understand. At all.

So here’s my effort to explain as an effort to illuminate the confusion. Let’s start with cancer. Cancer happens when a bunch of cells that aren’t supposed to be there begin to take over a part of your body that you need. Kind of like when there’s mold in your bread–you need to get it out (or throw the bread away so maybe that’s not a very good analogy but you get the point). There’s something there in your body that shouldn’t be there and the treatment is to get it out asap. Chemo, friends run 5K, everyone shows solidarity, and with any luck and the miracle of modern medicine, one is cured.

Contrast that with Lupus. Here’s where it gets tricky. With Lupus, your body begins to hate itself. Your body starts to think, for some inexplicable reason, that IT is the mold in the bread, the cancer cell, or a really bad bacteria. Your body starts to fight with itself, confused into thinking that it’s very own self is an invading and dangerous entity. So the immune system, designed to love and protect our bodies, goes rogue and tries to destroy it. Holy hell!!

The attacking and confused immune system has an assortment of organ systems to choose from and hate on…..some common victims are the kidneys, skin, heart, central nervous system, the opportunities are many. Therefore, the symptoms of Lupus vary accordingly. If your stupid Lupus attacks your kidneys, you have kidney problems. If it’s your skin in the crosshairs, you have terrible rashes. If it’s your brain, you have headaches that make you want to poke your eyes out. It’s a real picnic.

In spite of those varieties, almost every Lupus sufferer pretty much feels like shit all the time. They may not be actively vomiting, but you can be pretty safe in assuming that they might want to. Likewise, they’d probably rather stay in bed most days and can function only by exerting about as much effort as it would take for you or me to run around the block at top speed. Five times. It’s not easy.

To add insult to injury, the treatments for Lupus are pretty stupid too. Basically, science hasn’t spent a whole lot of energy on Lupus yet because they haven’t had the funding (although it’s getting better), so the best they can do is just basically try to knock the immune system into submission using a variety of horrible medicines with evil side effects. You can take chemo (which doesn’t make your hair fall out in the Lupus variety and which you can conveniently administer to yourself at home), some assorted immunosuppressant drugs, (one of which is actually an anti-malarial drug that they noticed suppresses lupus, but also that might unfortunately make your retinas detach eventually), and of course the dreaded steroids. Those make you feel much better but generally cause you to gain forty pounds or so, so there’s that uplifting aspect of the whole thing to contend with. The steroids immediately brought my daughter back from the brink of death but I then had to explain to my mother that giving her the steroids SO SHE COULD LIVE WAS, indeed, preferable to her having to gain forty pounds right before her prom.

It would seem more fruitful to try to figure out WHY a person’s immune system has gone crazy and make it stop being confused than to just stun it senseless–but what do I know? It’s clear that the medical profession has not had the advocacy of more “visible” illnesses like cancer and AIDS, along with the resulting funding that goes along with that visibility. Funding brings research, which brings answers, and along with that, a cure.

But until then, let’s go back to public perception. I mentioned having to explain the “death/weight gain” conundrum to my mother. I also had to explain to her that Lupus is, indeed, a real disease and not something they just made up in the South (New Englanders tend to be a bit suspicious of anything that happens south of Atlantic City). My mother was much more convinced that Lupus was a thing after Venus Williams was diagnosed with Sjogren’s Syndrome—because, after all, she played tennis and clearly was legit. Many friends, well intended all, were convinced that Elizabeth didn’t have Lupus, but was just “tired, stressed, overweight (steroids be damned), had a tick bite, needed to stop drinking diet Coke and eating Pringles”—the list goes on and on. My beloved sister sent us a juicer that cost more than my rent so that I could make her some organic soups that a particular doctor swore had cured many Lupus sufferers. Worse, there was a lot of judgment directed my way as her mother. I heard “how can you let her eat chocolate—that makes headaches worse,” “I can’t believe you’re LETTING HER have chemo again” (because I was enjoying it so much), along with darker suggestions that I was actually causing her to be sick by indulging her pain (As an aside, I would like to challenge anyone to watch their child scream and writhe in pain and not “indulge” it by trying to make it stop. Just sayin’).

So here’s the point. People DO NOT understand Lupus. It’s one of those weird things that has always existed but never been talked about. It’s usually moderately miserable, but if you have a case like my daughter’s, it’s epic and terrifying and life changing. It CAN NOT be fixed with soup, cured by acupuncture, or straightened out by the power of positive thinking. It is a horrible, chronic illness that can be battled into remission, lived with through good self-care and resolute bad-assery, and tolerated while a decent cure is hoped and waited for.

That’s why I’m writing this. As a ridiculously optimistic cheerleader of a mother, I hereby declare war on the ignorance that surrounds Lupus and other “invisible illnesses.” I am resolutely determined that my daughter is going to live a full, beautiful, amazing life as a testament to the fact that this stupid disease can’t HAVE her. She may have IT, but not the other way around. So part of making that happen is dragging people’s head out of the sand and telling them what this thing really is. It’s a suckfest. It’s a shitty deal. It’s a super ironic dark metaphor for the fact that our minds attack themselves and our bodies can too—especially as women. Ninety percent of Lupus sufferers are women. Coincidence? I think not! We can hate our thighs as we look at them in the mirror or our immune systems can hate our kidneys on the inside. It may just be me, but I see a correlation. So as that cheerleader of a mother, I’ve done just about everything and anything I can think of to help my daughter. We’ve been to just about every major medical center that specializes in Lupus. We’ve tried every mainstream/not mainstream treatment anyone has suggested to us. I quit my job so that I could be around more and fight the good fight right by her side. That meant exercise, rehabbing our pantry, acupuncture, hypnotherapy, massage, psychotherapy, pain specialists, a trip to a facility in Utah that helped provide coping strategies when life’s pain proved just too much. For her. Not for me, although I think a trip out there might be in my future too. If you think it sucks being sick, try watching your daughter live in suffering every single day. It’s pretty much unbearable and has brought me to the point of dark depression and excessive wine consumption on many occasions.

So don’t get me wrong….I believe in alternative treatments, holistic medicine, good nutrition, and most importantly, the power of prayer. I don’t discount those things for a minute and believe that miracles happen ever day, with OR without conventional medicine. I also think that people who are dealt the crummy hand of a chronic illness are tasked with a great burden—they must become an advocate for their own care. They should be vigilant about their treatment, their diet, their level of self-care. Unfortunately, it’s even more necessary for them than it is for the rest of us. Just one more point in the “this shit ain’t fair” column. But it is what it is. That said, however, Lupus patients (and those with other “invisible illnesses”) seem to be judged WAY more harshly for their occasional ice cream cone than the cancer sufferer would. The Lupus patient eating an ice cream cone would be looked at like a pregnant woman with a cigarette while the cancer victim would be praised for her indomitable spirit. Believe me, I’ve watched it happen. Bottom line—I’m a huge fan of self-care but also a huge proponent of NOT judging sick people for their sickness, for how they handle their sickness, or for when they occasionally come up short in the iron-will department.

For after all, who among us can look inside our healthy bodies and honestly say that we have taken pristine care of every single cell, every single day, as long as we’ve lived…………..because by thinking that our behavior has created our health, we’re also kinda sorta saying that the sick person’s behavior has created their illness. And don’t go there. That’s REAL bad karma and just not nice.

If you ask me, though, I can say with certainty that I will never give up fighting for my daughter. I know that about myself, I’m pretty stubborn. Now I’m ready to issue a call-to-action to the people around us. Because WE are not doing enough. Until people realize that they’re NOT.GETTING.IT—that they’re missing an opportunity to support and help and understand, then I haven’t done my job as her mother. Until people learn that they should reach out—invite your friend with Lupus to lunch or, better yet, bring lunch to her so that she can eat it in her jammies, until they understand, show compassion, and believe in what they don’t understand—things aren’t going to get better for people who suffer with these diseases. Until we throw as much money at finding a cure for Lupus as we have for Cancer or AIDS or heart disease (worthy illnesses, all)—we will have left a lot of suffering people behind, feeling judged, alone, and responsible for their own disease. I can’t say it clearly enough—NO ONE judges the cancer victim or the person who has a heart attack or AIDS—even though there are arguably behavioral or environmental components to all these diseases. NO ONE criticizes them, their mothers, their doctors, or invalidates their pain by telling them to “power through it.” In fact, such insensitivity would be universally shamed and shunned by society. So why is it ok to do to the Lupus sufferer?

Why not ask yourself that?

#lupus #lupusawareness #steroids #autoimmune #autoimmine disease

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ayearofpike · 6 years ago

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The Last Vampire 3: Red Dice

Pocket Books, 1995 193 pages, 17 chapters + epilogue ISBN 0-671-87268-0 LOC: PZ7.P626 Las 1995 OCLC: 32331239 Released March 31, 1995 (per B&N)

Sita has just ended the reign of terror of a horrible sociopathic self-made vampire, but his killing spree did not escape the notice of the military. It seems they already know who and what she is, as well as her unwilling accomplice turned against his will to save his life. When he’s captured, she resolves to save him before the military can do horrible things with his blood. This mission is all the more urgent when she realizes that the scientist leading the research efforts is an old friend. Like, a REALLY old friend.

It was about here when I realized that Pike didn’t actually have a single plotted story for Sita, that he was just writing her adventures as they came to him. I might be misremembering this, but I feel like we’d been led to understand that The Last Vampire was going to be a trilogy, like Remember Me and his favorite title-drop Lord of the Rings. (I have not been keeping track of LotR references, but there’s one in almost every book. Reread @mildhorror‘s recaps if you don’t believe me.) Getting hit with another “to be continued” was sort of a gut punch.

But beyond that, the way it puts an old character in a new situation made me aware that this was becoming a serial rather than one story. This book doesn’t really do anything new to tie up loose ends. That door was mostly closed in the previous one, when she dispatched the original vampire. But as soon as she turned a dude, it created new loose ends that Sita now has to shear off before the story closes up. It’s a perfectly fine self-contained story, if a lot more actiony and cartoon-violent than most of Pike’s work, but it’s not exactly clear how it belongs to the previous storyline (or whether it even does).

Let’s see if I can find or assume some context for how this book ended up getting constructed.

In 1995, the public at large had just been exposed to Quentin Tarantino’s stylized violence, with Pulp Fiction coming off a controversial Oscar loss and becoming a sleeper hit. Seeing how this was received by the teens who were ostensibly Pike’s audience, it makes sense that he would have wanted to incorporate some gory battle scenes. Especially as Interview With the Vampire had also just come out — I have no doubt Pike wanted to differentiate his cool-young-adult vampire from Tom Cruise’s brooding Gothic.

Spooksville would start in October of this year. I’ve mentioned this series before, but its importance to Sita’s story is that it tells semi-related juvenile horror tales linked to a handful of main characters living in a town where this kind of stuff happens. That is to say: the main kids are the only real common link between the events. I expect that he’d already started writing the series at this point, and that the structure affected how he told The Last Vampire stories (and probably in turn his love for Sita helped him define the structure of Spooksville; after all, Goosebumps didn’t have the same protagonist in every book.)

In any case, it’s both drastically different from the suspense thrillers and mysteries that Pike’s mostly written to date, and game-changing in terms of what we would now expect about Sita stories. I think I already made this analogy: The Last Vampire is Pike’s Final Fantasy, an inspired tale about the end of an era that would seize unexpected popularity and spawn sequels unto eternity.

So let’s try to blaze through the recap, because there’s not a whole bunch of plot. Sita wakes up the day after her battle with New Vampire with a tube still stretching between her and FBI Dude. She realizes she’s been out for nearly 24 hours because it was midnight when the fight started and now it’s still dark but her watch says it’s just before twelve. But also she hears police cars, and knows that they need to escape before they’re asked a lot of questions. (I have one: if they knew what she was, which they probably did, why wouldn’t they come at NOON?) Sita prefers to keep a low profile, because she knows that if someone suspects her supernatural abilities, she’s going to get tested and dissected and someone is going to try to make more (like the coroner’s assistant already did). She doesn’t need to be responsible for that.

But since she’s dealing with a baby vampire who thinks he can use the government bureaucracy to his advantage, they don’t get out. Instead, they’re thrown into an armored van with five armed guards (three in back with them, two in the front) and a driver behind bulletproof glass. This within a caravan of armored vehicles and under surveillance from a helicopter. Of course Sita has escaped from worse situations. She’s handcuffed and shackled, but her eyes are free, and that’s what she uses to hypnotize the guards into pointing their weapons away long enough to break the ankle restraints and kick two of them dead. The third she kills just by telling him to die, which is when she realizes that Original Vampire’s blood is starting to give her new and stronger powers. Because FBI Dude is squeamish, she knocks out the other two guards and then learns from the driver that they’re not going to jail, but to a high-security government facility.

This is where the book turns into an action movie. Sita has the driver crank a turn into a narrow alley and then floor it. They makes it across two streets before smashing into a fruit truck, which gives her enough cover to jump out of the van and start shooting. This clears out a police car from ... unidentified somewhere for them to steal, and they lead the chase into the basement parking garage of a tall building, where they hop an elevator to the top floor. Then Sita breaks a window and jumps across the street to the roof of another building, and roof-hops along that side of the street to one with a helicopter pad on the roof. She steals one and comes back for FBI Dude, and they take off into the desert. So much for that low profile.

The police (or government agents, or whoever it is) pursue them but don’t try to catch up or engage. We learn why when, as they cross over southern Nevada, they’re set upon by two military combat helicopters. More questions: why not a fighter jet? Nellis is right there, and a jet is faster and more heavily armed than a chopper. But anyway, they cripple Sita’s chopper, forcing FBI Dude to bail into Lake Mead, and before she can crash it and escape herself they blow it up with a missile. When she wakes up she’s pinned underwater by the helicopter’s wreckage, but her unconscious mind has had the presence to not let her drown. She surfaces in the middle of the lake to see what’s up, and sure enough they’ve caught FBI Dude again and are throwing him in another armored van. Frickin’ baby vampires can’t do anything.

She steals a truck from a nearby campsite and follows the new military caravan out to some secure facility in the middle of the desert. She watches FBI Dude get trucked out and displayed to a uniformed general, and it’s confirmed that yes, the military knows what they are and yes, they were trying to take them alive. FBI Dude gets shunted into one of the buildings, and Sita takes special note of the scientist that the general talks to afterward. Just one scientist, yes. He leaves shortly afterward, and she goes to follow him, but realizes something weird as she gets in her truck to follow him.

She’s glowing.

That’s right, all y’all that were pissed about Edward Cullen! Pike did it first! Granted, this is in the moonlight and not the sun, but STILL.

She decides to worry about it later and follows the scientist to a casino, where he loses too much money and drinks too much, then to his house just before sunrise. If she’s going to use this dude to get close and figure out how to save her buddy, she needs to redo her identity again. So she gets her secretive business manager or whatever in New York to set her up with new ID, new credit cards, new hair, new clothes, the whole shebang. Yeah — from here until the end of the book we’re supposed to imagine her as a redhead, which is hard to do because we’ve already got two books of blonde Alisa Perne.

When the scientist goes to work, she follows him to see where he goes in, and then breaks into his house and sees a strange model. It looks like DNA, but it has twelve strands instead of two. She recognizes it immediately — it’s the same as a model made by an alchemist she knew seven hundred years ago in Italy during the Catholic Inquisition, a monk who she took as a lover, to whom she revealed the secrets of her life and her history when he watched her heal a kid’s broken spine. So if this guy has a similar model, they must have another vampire and have already been researching, which means Sita has more to save and/or destroy.

She goes back out to the military compound to try to plan an attack, and the glowing skin makes her curious, so she takes off all her clothes and watches her body light up and start to become transparent and feel lighter. She assumes this is another unexplainable power conveyed by Original Vampire’s blood, but to what end? She doesn’t have time to figure it out right now; there’s a scientist to seduce! They gamble for a while, then Sita buys him dinner and they go back to his house, where he tells her just enough about his research to make her feel both sorry for him and further set in her need to rescue FBI Dude ASAP.

While everyone’s asleep, Sita finishes the woeful tale of the alchemist. It seems that he drew some of her blood and used it to heal incurable illnesses in combination with crystals and moonlight. But then he went too far and tried to use it on someone healthy — the boy from before, in fact, with full midday sun streaming through. This ended up creating a monster ruled by fear, and Sita had to kill him, and the inquisitors took the alchemist and she never saw him again.

This wouldn’t be a Last Vampire book without two things: drinking blood and Seymour. She gets the first from a hapless high roller, first by beating him at the card table, then insulting him, then inviting him to what appears to be a desert gangbang, then scaring off his bodyguards and mercilessly drinking her fill. Seymour comes in because she’s not sure what’s coming next with the scientist and the military and the moon-glow, so she calls him to get some ideas and assistance. He says that the only way to be sure they don’t keep vampire blood is to blow up the entire base with the nuclear bombs they probably have on site, this being a secret military facility in Nevada and all.

So now she’s got a plan, and she needs to figure out how to carry it out. When the scientists opens up about his concerns about their test subject and what the scary general wants to do with his blood, Sita tells him everything. Like, literally everything: what her name is, that she’s a vampire, that she’s five thousand years old, that she was turned by the original vampire who she just killed this week, that she knew Krishna, the whole nine yards. In return, he tells her where they’re keeping FBI Dude and the other vampire they’ve had for a month. Her plan is to sneak into the compound in the scientist’s trunk, pose as a tech on loan from the Pentagon, and somehow break out the two vampires.

It all goes according to plan, except there’s only one vampire in the cell. At least until Sita opens the door and goes to rescue FBI Dude, at which point the door slams shut and the scientist talks to her in Italian. Yep! The other vampire he had was her, way back in the thirteenth century! He used her blood on himself, although imperfectly, so in the last seven centuries he’s aged about twenty years. And now he’s got her right where he wants her, so he can keep doing his experiments and improving humanity through vampirism.

The general doesn’t care about any of that shit — he just wants to be stronger than anyone else. This is his weakness, knowing Sita’s power and being afraid of it until he gets it for himself. So she manipulates the guards into panic (more powers she didn’t have before, being able to hypnotize someone without even seeing them) and then breaks all the lights in the cell and starts pounding on the door. So they amass a whole fighting force and open the door, but of course Sita has used her magical vampire powers to ... hide behind it. She has to kill a guard slowly and messily to keep up the fear paralysis, and then she mows most of the rest of them down with a machine gun. All the killing is starting to upset her, or so she says, maybe because of Squeamish FBI Dude, because it doesn’t stop her from planning to nuke the joint.

The general is already upstairs, trying to escape, so Sita JUMPS THROUGH THE CEILING and shoots him in the leg so he can’t go anywhere. Then she gets him to take her to the weapons stockpile and arm a nuclear bomb with a timer, supposedly long enough for everyone to get away from the blast. She has to fry his brain with her hypnosis to get him to do it, but now Science Alchemist is in command and he’s got orders from the president to not let her get away under any circumstances. (Like he might have otherwise, right?) The nuke’s ticking down, and they’re in a standoff, but she finally convinces him to let the rest of the troops get out and away, so now it’s just Sita and FBI Dude and Fried General and Science Alchemist, waiting for the bomb to go off.

And Sita starts glowing again.

This time, she lights up all the way, becoming light itself, and floats off the ground and away in the wind, saying her goodbyes to the old monk who has stolen her blood and the new friend who she turned against his will and the military leader who she has effectively lobotomized. By the time the nuke blows, she’s long gone.

The next thing we see is Science Alchemist’s basement. No, Pike doesn’t explain how Sita reassembled her body or whatever after floating away as a being of light. No, he doesn’t spend any time on what it means or how she should use it. Yes, it would have been a perfect time to close with an epilogue about how she’s come back to Krishna and her life is complete, along the lines of the dreams she has throughout these books. But instead, she’s in a basement in Las Vegas, where there’s a complicated array of crystals and mirrors, and she’s going to turn human with Seymour’s help (and blood). So she falls asleep doing it, and when she wakes up, someone is pounding on the door insisting she let him in. And that’s it!

So, I have to say it, and you should imagine the clapping emoji between each of the words in the following sentence: THERE WAS NO PURPOSE BEHIND SITA TURNING FBI DUDE EXCEPT TO KEEP THE AUDIENCE HANGING. Seriously, his name should have been Plot Devicerson. He gave us a springboard into the third book, he gave Sita a reason to act throughout it, and now he’s fuckin’ dead. He’s not even a tie to her life before, any more than a divorce lawyer is a tie to a marriage. The whole book could have conceivably done without him, although it would have admittedly taken a little more thought to get her out to the military installation in the first place.

You know, I wish Pike would have called a spade a spade with this series. If it had been a stand-alone serial novel set called The Last Vampire, I would have been totally fine. The stories themselves and Sita as a character I don’t necessarily have a problem with. But they DO NOT FIT TOGETHER. And by now it’s too late to retcon this into another Baby-Sitters Club or Nancy Drew type of series, so he’s stuck attemping to link one unique narrative to another.

It’s gonna be another year before we see Sita again, so I have to deduce that Pike just couldn’t bring himself to kill her off even though he didn’t know exactly what she would be doing next. And it’s OK to keep that door open — if you just admit you’re doing a serial rather than a continuance. In retrospect, I think that’s what annoyed me so much about these books, even if I didn’t realize it at the time. I guess we have to wait and see if Pike can save this series as a continued story, sometime in the next ... six books GODDAMMIT.

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the-huntress-songblade · 5 years ago

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The Owl and the Raven

Part 3

"I'm just an aspirant... a trainee. I'm a nobody."

"I don't think that's likely."

Even as his comment brought a slight blush to her cheeks, she led them through the forest until they reached one of the many Kaldorei villages that skirted the base of Hyjal. She did not say what it was called, but then again, it did not matter. As they arrived on the outskirts, she looked back at him curiously, "I just need to drop these crystals off with the Huntress and then we can get some food."

He moved slowly as they approached, looking somewhat apprehensive about entering anything resembling civilization but he deferred. "And did you have a plan for what to eat, or shall I make a hunt?"

Arrianna blinked in confusion. "A hunt?" She looked back to her village, then back to him, "There's food here, we don't have to hunt - at least not every day - in order to eat." She smiled to him gently, an expression free of judgement, and motioned him to follow, "Come on. Tell me what you like to eat while we walk so we can decide what to have."

He shrugged and followed along. He didn't come this far north, so he at least wasn't likely to be known. His hand rested on the hilt of one of his blades as they entered the town's outskirts.

As they approached another Kaldorei in purple armor, Anna saluted the woman, speaking softly and handing over the satchel. The woman opened it briefly, looking impressed. After counting something for several moments, she passed Anna a leather pouch that jingled significantly. It was tucked into a pocket before she turned back to Reth to hear his answer to her question:

"So?... what do you like to eat?"

He looked as though it was a question he had not often been asked. "Venison, usually. But when you live in the woods you eat whatever you can hunt or trap. Rabbit, bear." He shrugged.

Anna tilted her head as she listened, nodding. She motioned to the mountain, "There's a river that flows down from the snowcaps of Hyjal - it's big enough that a number of fish swim up its rapids throughout the year. A cadre of fishermen go once every few weeks to round up enough for the village. Their security detail often includes a few trainees like myself. So I'm certainly no stranger to hunting and living in the wilds..." She led them toward one of the larger open buildings, walking inside to reveal a farmer's market of sorts. The options were far from a city market's variety, but it was more than enough for a village to be able to get by. "But you said you live like that constantly?"

Once again he shrugged as a means of confirmation. "I have been made well aware that I am not warmly welcome in the settlements further south." But far from sounding bitter or distressed by it, he seemed to prefer it. "Fine with me. I have no problem living off the land, unwasteful."

Arrianna gave a nod, motioning to the limited supply before them, "That is why this village is so small - we know how much food we will use, and none of this goes to waste. Plus it keeps the trade between each other evenly spread. Everyone here has a duty, and everyone here earns their fill." She offered him another kind smile, motioning to the fruit and meats, "Do you wish to pick, or should I surprise you? I warn you... I'm not as adept at cooking as some of the other women in this village."

He chuckled slightly. "Pick whatever you wish, I'm happy to cook whatever you procure." He was a survivalist, and quite adept at making fire, cooking what he killed. "Though I admit I'm more used to a campfire than a stove."

Arrianna smirked back at him, turning to pick a few choice pieces of fish and sunfruit, as well as some fresh greens and berries for a salad. "I can assure you, that can be arranged." Once she had her things chosen, she carried the little wicker basket she'd grabbed at the entrance to a Kaldorei man wearing simple dirt-stained linens. She smiled at him and let him tally out her choices.

"A bit more than usual, Miss Nightstorm?" But when he saw she was accompanied by someone, he blinked in surprise and then nodded, "Certainly not an overestimation. Enjoy your evening."

Anna smiled back to the man, passing over a handful of coins, "Thank you, Desaan." Pausing for a moment more, she passed him two more coins and motioned to a pair of corked glass bottles by the door. He nodded to her again and moved to add them to her basket. When she turned her amber gaze back to Reth'lazar, she was smiling brightly, "Shall we?"

He watched her go about her choices with an air of slight bemusement. He clearly was more accustomed to hunting his every meal than this bizarre ritual. But he made no disparaging comment, and simply followed along as she made her purchase and exited. "Quite presumptuous to go for a drink so early, isn't it?" He teased as he followed along to wherever she intended them to eat.

Anna chuckled softly, a deep sound, as she led them back across the little village until they reached the smallest house on its far edge. She opened the door and motioned him inside after her. It was incredibly modest - a bed and a dresser, and a small space to sit by the window. There weren't many candles in the place, but the light that filtered in from the moon and the stars outside was more than enough to allow them to see their way around. In the center of the room was a small woven rug with an unsightly lump beneath its center. After Anna placed the basket on the simple wooden trunk at the end of her bed, she knelt by the rug before moving it away: it apparently covered a small fire pit, which explained why the center of her ceiling has a hole in it that let a slight breeze waft through the little house. She motioned for him to sit with her, "Is this too fancy for you?"

He looked rather impressed by its simplicity, both the house and the cooking implements. "I can always appreciate practicality." He answered simply. He knelt down to extract his own flint from his bag and showed his expertise with the tool. It took only a few brief stikes to get the first sparks ignited in the tinder. A few short breaths and the fire picked up potency, soon flaring to life. "I would hazard you know a thing or two about surviving without the comforts of home."

Anna nodded in the affirmative, "Indeed I do." She watched him build the fire, rising to move back to the wooden trunk by her bed. She grabbed the basket, moving to the little cabinet tucked into a corner. From inside, she grabbed a sanded wooden slab and a pair of wooden plates, and a large wooden bowl. She brought the slab and a hunting knife before her as she sat and started laying the fish out on the slab, nudging it toward Reth, "I have some spices, if you need them... though I imagine some of the women around here would not qualify salt as 'some spices'. Heheh."

"You're saying you're not very domestic? I'm stunned." He offered a chuckle as he reached into the still-infant fire and extracted a couple smaller sticks. He took the fish from the basket and carefully threaded the sticks through the mouths, before planting them in the fire to cook as the flames danced higher to lick along the flesh. "Surprised you even have a house with a solid roof... er, not that I'm one to really talk."

Anna shrugged passively, frowning a little as she tore and mixed the greens she'd picked into the bowl, adding the berries and mixing with her hands. "It's not technically mine... but it at least got me out of my parents' home."

He blinked, though not the most social of creatures, he seemed to realize he'd struck some sort of nerve. "Apologies. I did not mean to offend."

She blinked at his apology, lifting her berry-stained gloves to shake her hands at him back and forth, "Oh, no! Not offended." She frowned again and heaved a gentle sigh, "My lifestyle is not the way my parents had wished it, and choosing to stay with them during my training... it would've driven me crazier than a Wildkin corrupted by the Fel." She moved to place the salad between them - ready to share when the fish was done, before rising and moving to sit on the windowsill so she could remove some of her armor. Her gloves and shoulder pauldrons as well as her boots and leather vest all came off, leaving her in her leather pants and a worn top that had definitely seen better days. As she rejoined him, she sighed again, "I mentioned the priestesses and the druids before... my parents are so... so cookie-cutter perfect that it's maddening." Anna sat in thought, tracing a hand on her facial tattoo. "The owl is a great hunter... I suppose I just want to prove to them that it's just as important as being a custodian of Nature... or a sister of Elune."

Reth kept his attention on the fire as it cooked through the fish. He nodded along with her tale. "Everyone has to find their own way, by choice or circumstance." He shifted the sticks to make sure there was an even burn. "I lost everything I'd known when the

Well collapsed and I had to find a way to survive. Its no different, in the end. Life can change in a second, so I'd just as soon take what I can when I can... And maybe get a little vengeance along the way."

She kept her gaze trained a bit shyly on the fire as she listened. "Do... do you remember where you were when... when it...?" Though her words trailed off, the query in her statement was unmistakable.

He thought about it for a moment, as if he hadn't thought about it for some time. "I was miles from home, hunting the largest buck I'd ever seen. I returned home to find... well, I didn't return home. It was gone."

She nodded slowly, amber eyes flicking his way a few times. "I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "It was so long ago. My peace is made. If you dwell on the shot you missed, you'll miss the next one too. That's a bad analogy... I've never used a bow."

At this, Arrianna smirked. "Wise words from a true hunter." She looked to the fish hungrily, moving to dole out the salad onto their plates for the fish to be laid over. At his second comment, she shook her head, "You can aim a shot with more than just a bow."

Once their plates were ready for the main course, she moved to sit a little closer, grabbing the pair of corked glass bottles. They weren't incredibly large, and the glass was dark and frosted over. She worked the corks out with a bit of elbow grease before scooting one toward him, "You said you seek vengeance... vengeance against whom?"

He made a swift movement to extract a knife from his belt and sent it spinning up into the air. He snatched it back by the blade just an instant before it hit the ground. "The demons who tore our world apart. I said I'd made peace, not that I'd forgiven." He smirked as he lifted the fish from the fire and prodded their skin with his hand. Satisfied they were ready, he passed them off. "A true hunter never lets his prey escape. Or hers... I suppose."

The little addition to his comment was small, but more than enough to paint her cheeks a deep shade of purple. She smiled, helping him to separate the fish from their bones and laying the cooked pieces of meat over their salads. Once they were ready, she lifted her own glass bottle as if to clink it to his, "Here's to hunting, then?"

He raised his bottle somewhat awkwardly, quite unfamiliar with such trappings, but he tapped his bottle to hers and nodded. "So then, what are you hunting?"

She chuckled, taking a swig from her bottle. When she lowered it again, she had a small thin white line running along her upper lip - the bottles were full of milk, it seemed. She licked her lips, looking back to the fire, "Well, I can tell you what I -haven't- been hunting... much to the chagrin of my mother." She sulked her head down, as if what she was speaking of was both frustrating and depressing.

He chuckled under his breath, noticing the milk and took a sip himself. "And what would that be?" He asked in a tone that suggested he had an inkling of the answer.

Anna let out a frustrated groan, grabbing a handful of salad and fish and eating it like the heathen her mother had made her out to be, not more than once, "A damned lifemate... why should I traipse around in a girlie dress with my hair in a fancy gathered braid in the back while I pick flowers, hoping that one of the big strong soldiers or druids or whatever ask my parents for the chance to court me?" She said the entirety of this around her mouthful of fish and salad, swallowing roughly before looking to Reth, "Is that whole helpless damsel thing really that arousing?"

He shrugged as he chewed through his own fish. "For some I suppose. On the other hand, a woman who doesn't need to be hand-held..." He trailed off without fully completing the thought, though the appeal was apparent. "But then I'm the farthest thing from any kind of expert on the subject."

Arrianna shook her head gently, "I'll never understand the appeal of being a housewife... my mother always said she was honored to make a home for her family, but..." at the mere thought of it, she wrinkled her nose, "I don't know."

"To each their own I suppose... Not sure raising a child in the woods would be a fun experience."

Anna gave a quiet nod, enjoying more of her salad before looking to Reth curiously, "Is it good? I tend to balance my meals as much as possible - eating healthy is how we build our strength."

He had made his way through most of the food. "Its quite good. A nice change of pace from mushrooms and berries and dried venison." He said with a wink.

Arrianna smiled, nodding, "I'm glad. I don't have many friends. Honestly never thought I'd need any. But company is a nice change of pace." She offered him a bright smile, looking truly relaxed. "And if I'm to call you Reth... then you can call me Anna."

He offered a hand out, a somewhat facetious gesture of politeness. "It's a pleasure to meet you Anna. I hope to kill many satyrs with you."

#origins #Arrianna Nightstorm #Tawny's mother #Reth'lazar Songblade #Tawny's father #the owl & the raven

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mikazukikannagisjourney · 5 years ago

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Mercury Retrograde in Pisces - February 17- March 10 2020 (With Energetic Support and Tips)

Hi all, how are you all doing? Sorry I wasn’t able to post anything when the Rx started, well, let’s just say it’s an effect, both in physical (devices) and non-physical (I got drowned in emotional purging and all that stuff, as usual lol). But then again, that’s what happens when there isn’t much preparation for mercury retrogrades.

And what’s even more WONDERFUL is that for this year, ALL of the mercury retrogrades are in WATER SIGNS. Surprise, surprise.

Here are the dates:

In Pisces: Feb 17- Mar 10

In Cancer: June 19- July 11

In Scorpio: Oct 16-Nov 2

So what does this mean for us? Well, it depends actually on your priorities, or what your Soul needs to do. If you’re able to read your own natal chart I think you can have an idea on what you need to do to ensure that you’re doing what your Higher Self needs you to clear or what.

Well, like what?

For example, old projects, ideas, memories, old and stale relationships, family karma (If you’re reading this you’re probably the Family Karma carrier, so yeah, hugs to you, we’re on the same boat. We can clear that though, just believe). Basically we make CLOSURE on all of these things. Or finish what needs to be finished. Even if that’s just cleaning your closet, laundry, or house because that moves energy and allows the good Chi/Qi to flow into your space. That may sound woo-woo but seriously, after crying and getting suuuuuper tired after cleaning, doesn’t it feel good SEEING EVERYTHING CLEANED AND ORDERLY? That’s already good Qi right there, my friend. I have no Virgo in my chart, but in my chart where I have all water signs (which sorta affects me a bit more during this retrograde, aside from my Gemini sun) I still think despite crying and getting tired I feel like I have accomplished something when I see one corner of my place cleaned. Even more so whenever I feel depressive. If you can relate to that, yeah I feel you, fam.

Apart from cleaning and finishing and making closure on things, hey, it’s not a bad idea to also have some fun every now and then, I mean, I do mention a lot that in this journey of awakening, and emotional and karmic purging and shadow work, it is important to feel all emotions, and I mean ALL. Which means that to find balance, especially when you’re stuck in a sad rut, it’s OK to feel bad, but it’s even more OK-er to do everything in your power to be happy.

Yes, happiness is something you make, it’s not a by-product. It’s like love, it’s not an adjective, or a noun, it’s a freaking VERB. It’s something you act upon, or act into. You do it, basically.

But hooooooowww?

Don’t worry fam, again I got you covered on that.

If you need tips on HOW to make room for happiness, here’s a short list:

Pet your pet. Whatever that pet is. I have cacti, a California reaper seedling, dogs, and even pet rocks aka my crystals. I pet them all and for some weird reason the energy moves. Try it, even if it’s a pet rock. For at least 2 minutes. Feel the energy lifting and clearing up. Do more as needed.

Drink water. The most beneficial mineral-rich and cleanest you can. Please for the love of glob don’t drink 100% water AKA Nuclease-free water AKA Deionized water unless you want to suffer so much before greeting Death. That just sucks. I mean, we’re all infinite beings so no matter how much you do your best to leave the physical plane you’ll get bumped into elsewhere and that might be suckier than now. I had a feeling that I did that in a past life so now it’s even more suckier so might as well clear my entire being in this lifetime so I can go back to source for good. Yeah now you know my lifeplan lol

I don’t preach eating ONLY fruits and vegetables. I advocate BALANCED DIET. And eating JUNK every now and then. I just make sure to eat MORE of the good stuff (which is actually easy for me because in this part of the world, poor people eat veggies and the rich people eat meat so as I try to shift my mindset into an abundance mindset I still eat vegetables from my garden or what.) Remember this disclaimer: IF some spiritual gurus shame you from you eating some form of junk that they say is bad BUT you actually eat just whatever you want AND YOU ACTUALLY FEEL GREAT from eating what you crave despite what others say, it just means that your body is calibrated to function at a different level. If you need more tips on that, hit me up with a comment or like and I will make that information available for you. =)

Make other people happy with no expectations of getting something from them back. TAKE NOTE: I say FROM THEM, because the universe can handle and send the rewards for you. No matter how tiny that would be. Honestly me sharing this post right now, or even as I type this without any expectations that people will even like or read this, I feel happy already, and looking forward to what the universe would bring.

Meditate, in all ways, shapes or forms. Choose your adventure, because at times active meditation can help you move energies, going Yang on feeling great, and at times inactive meditation like undergoing altered states and doing it Yin style can give you a lot of insights. Again, if we are to dismantle the DUALISTIC nature of things to move past that, we can start by accepting that there is no ONE thing to do anything. As the old saying goes: There is more than one way to skin a rat. And as a person who worked in research for more than 10 year, I can attest that this is true.

Do creative stuff, however your skills are in that activity. Whether you’re sucky at it or a really good one at it, just do it. Especially when you haven’t done anything creative in the past years, or even your life. Sing, dance, draw, make poems or fanfics, whatever floats your boat. Keep at it until the dense energies move, and feel the nice and feel-good Qi flow to you. Being a dumbass at it will all be worth it. Besides, if you really want to find some purpose while you’re feeling heavy, do your best mastering that chosen activity. If you’re reading this right now and this helped you in any way, tag me with your output. I’ll wait. =)

Grow and keep something alive. Be it an animal, a plant, or a rogue mushroom or that weird slimy thing in your kimchi bottle, help something stay alive. You can be as attached and hands-on as you want, or as minimalistic and detached as you want. I just send Reiki to my plants and dogs and aside from petting and feeding them I just leave them alone. It kills the destructive thought patterns, helps the energies move through my body, and weirdly gives me insight on what I need to do and clear.

Among all the stuff I have written here, I didn’t mention anything about binge-watching anything, or looking at the feeds or posts of other people. Simple trick to improve your happiness level: Just focus on yourself, keep other people away from you while you work on yourself. Once you’ve raised your happiness levels to a maximum, then sure, look at the achievements of other people. If you feel happy at other people’s happiness, it means that you’ve reached that level. Otherwise, go back to your cave and work on your happiness some more.

Of course, this works mostly for introverts who like to turn inward to solve things and reenergize through their own efforts, but if you’re an extrovert who thrives on other people’s energy sorry I can’t give any sound suggestions. Maybe find some friends to hang out with and be happy with? No pity parties, or maybe you can host a pity party but remember to end that with a happy high note. So you can sleep happy and wake up refreshed.

I also didn’t mention getting high on drugs or getting low through getting drunk. Those aren’t exactly options I offer, because those just keep people in a destructive spiral of finding the low-vibrational or temporary form of happiness and if you’re thinking that those are the best options to be happy, well, WE DON’T DO THAT HERE. Also you might have some problems, please talk to a counselor, a trained and certified mental health professional, an elder or a mentor you trust, life coaches or energetic healers (ahem, ahem), or if you’re brave enough like everyone who’s in this journey, well, do it at your own pace and own way. Not the best option but for someone who has no other options other than leaving this planet, for me that was what made me want to live a bit longer, 3 years and counting. Of course, leaving abruptly is still on the table but right now I am just exhausting all options until I find that breakthrough, I mean, that’s still a thing for me so I just respect it looming above my head, but also at the same time do my best to swim in this mudflow of life.

Well that escalated quickly. But at least I am not sugarcoating my message. I strive to be honest and authentic, because it’s already 2020, lies and pretending to be what I am not aren’t hot now. Truth and honesty are the new soul handbags lol what kind of analogy is that even. Zero regrets though.

So before I log out, here’s a photo infused with energy to help you navigate the Mercury Retrograde energies, as energetic support:

Yeah it’s Pisces season I think a photo of a disc or a flowerhorn is fitting. Honestly I don’t know what it is, I think the owner mislabed it flowerhorn but that’s just my opinion lol

I hope this post served you well, I will come back on Sunday for the Piscean Full moon post to give more energetic support and other insights that I might get from the universe and Source.

Despite what happens right now, whether it’s happy for you or sad, always remember:

All these too, shall pass.

So just enjoy the RIDE.

Love and hugs from Source Above,

Mikazuki

PS: Hey, do you feel generous because the information I shared have so much value for you? Don’t fret, you can share energetic exchanges here! Any amount from the heart is welcome. Thank you!

#mercury retrograde #mercury retrograde in pisces #mercury retrograde in pisces feb 2020 #mercury retrograde 2020 #mercury retrograde pisces #mercury retrograde february 2020 #energetic support for mercury retrograde #reiki healing #reiki photo #energetic support photo #energetic healing #reiki #mercury retrograde insights #mercury retrograde in pisces insights #how to be happy #tips on how to be happy #be happy

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