#I want a baby so much. I want several babies but realistically one kid would be nice

[sparkmender]

spiritually I am laying on the floor

[cripplecharacters]

hello! first off, i want to say thank you so much for this blog. it's absolutely wonderful.

i'm currently writing a story set in the 1890s, and one of the characters (12 y/o girl) is deaf (she got meningitis as a baby and as a result she lost her hearing). her situation is complicated - her family is british, and always spoke in a british dialect. however, due to her poor living situation, she never got the chance to learn BSL and had to use alternate ways to communicate.

however, once again due to her complicated circumstances, she and her older brother (who she is very close with) ended up in the united states after running away from their living situation. neither her brother or her know sign language, but my question is, if she were to learn it at this point in her development (while she is living in the united states, where people would use asl and she could possibly get the opportunity for someone to teach her) would it be more realistic for her to use asl, bsl, or just to have her use alternate ways to communicate? ive tried googling this but its really no help, and im unsure how to approach her way of communication because of that. i really just want to make sure it's not offensive in any way, and that i can accurately portray her and her experiences as a deaf person.

Hi!

The simple answer is: If she learns sign language in the US, she will learn ASL. If she learns sign language in Britain, she will learn BSL.

Your setting makes this a little more complicated.

It's not unrealistic that she would have grown up without sign. Even despite her circumstances, you have set your story immediately post-Milan Conference. Your character would have grown up in a world where signing was punished.

Since she grew up with no sign language, I would encourage you to look into language deprivation. Depending on her level of hearing loss, it's very possible she would be language deprived, especially if her family did not put in a lot of effort to teach her to read from a young age--and I would be surprised if they had.

It does seem unlikely that she would end up learning any sign language without immersing herself in a Deaf community space. Even if she attends a deaf school, the predominant method will be oralism. (And the roots of oralist methods in Britain go back further than the ones in the US.)

That being said, it's not impossible she would learn sign. Some students (and teachers) at the Deaf residential schools knew how to sign, and even though it was punished, they would teach other, younger, kids. Sign language didn't die out under oralism. It was just severely punished, restricted from the public view, and frowned upon--attitudes that still influence modern perceptions of sign language.

So, the long answer is, the history and use of sign language at this period in time is particularly complicated. Your character may not have the opportunity to learn a sign language, and she might not have learned English either due to language deprivation. This is a character you're going to have to research further, and make some decisions regarding her deafness and her education before you continue.

I'm happy to answer any more questions if you have them!

Mod Rock

[with-my-murder-flute]

Gideon Nav and the motherless child

(A post I promised at Wiscon in May that I'd write, and am finally getting around to.)

Gideon does not come off as a severely abused and neglected child, and I think there's a reason for that.

Both she and Harrow have full on The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog-calibre childhoods. Harrow acts more like it, from her extremely low thresholds for sensory overstimulation to her entire social... everything. Those are all things kids raised in neglect are way more likely to deal with.

When I first read GtN I was in my habitual "Look self, not everyone works in your field, SFF authors give their characters these kinds of horrible childhoods all the time, nobody else cares about the realistic consequences of bringing a child up that way" mode. Like, it was nice that Muir seemed aware that the Ninth House's children generally would be more sickly and have higher fatality rates, but I also didn't want Gideon to be one speck less herself, so I could live with the slight implausibility.

And then we got Harrow the Ninth. We got the slow revelation of the Sleeper. The revenant. Wake's immense rage.

"I hated that damned sword for years. I don’t know why; it just felt strange—rancorous."

"Where the hell have you been hiding for nineteen years?” “Where—you—fucking—left—me. In my bones. Then a blade. In—that—fucking—hole.”

I immediately remembered: Gideon loved her sword so much she could frigging marry it.

Here's my theory: Gideon is Gideon in part because her mother has been haunting her for years.

Children need love if they're going to grow up. I don't mean that metaphorically. Babies that aren't held, rocked, touched, and soothed don't release the same mix of hormones that tell their bones it's time to move outwards. The steady attachment of baby to the adult who takes care of them is the central pillar around which children construct everything from control of their faculties to their senses of self. When babies are not cared for and able to attach to loving, reliable caretakers, they struggle in so many ways. I know this sounds really vague and ~vibes~-y, but I mean it in the sense of, "here is a curated reading list of scientific research on the topic, which I provide because I can't condense it while also shouting about Griddlehark on Tumblr"

So in GtN, Gideon just seemed like this ridiculously optimistic outcome for a severely maltreated child. She's optimistic and self-confident, brazen but moral, outgoing but centred. She's smart enough to hold her own against Harrow, to make complicated plans for the future, and to cope when her plans encounter hiccups. She knows that she wants to leave the Ninth House, and when she finally manages it, she doesn't panic or find some new miserable hole to shove herself into; she gleefully steps out and stretches her wings. And yet, her less-than-stellar relationships with people back home don't prevent her (in any way other than a little shyness) from forming new, varied, complicated connections with all the different people at Canaan House.

That's all... like, it is wildly optimistic to think that a child whose closest adult attachment figure from twelve months old was as distant and limited as Aiglamene would be like. That is winning the child development lottery.

That, or...

Maybe when she was seven, and her biggest emotional attachment (besides Harrow) was to the imaginary skeleton mother in her head, Aiglamene broke it to her that her mother wasn't out in rotation yet. Maybe Aiglamene led her to the niche where Wake's bones lay. Maybe when Aiglamene left, Gideon sat down there and said, Hello, mother. I love you.

Maybe it was then? Or maybe it was before? As a revenant, Wake's closest link to the living world was her own body, her own bones. But she also had thanergetic links with things like her murder weapon. Her murderer. The baby she'd died delivering to the Tomb. That made it possible before, certainly, but physical proximity counts for something, so maybe it was then, that Wake first tried possessing a living soul.

Wake whispering tiny inaudible suggestions into her daughter's ear like: Fuck this place. Fuck these bones. Light this place on fire. They don't own you. You don't owe them shit. Get up, get out, escape. Blow this place apart. Fight, defy them, make them pay, and remember that ten thousand years of history brought you here to stand against them. Here is what it's like to be a human being, to throw your shoulders back, to fight with people you trust, to gauge your enemies clearly, to know the power you punch with. And if there are no other standing orders: Live. Live. Live.

You cannot tell me Gideon's first act upon receiving a real sword, a soldier's sword, was not to take it down to her mother's niche and show it off. It was probably like offering her an open backpack to hop into.

Maybe all Wake's "mothering" was just her trying with singleminded rage to program instructions for detonation into her bomb. Even still: At least Gideon had a mum who wanted her to be as explosive as she was, and backed her up for every step of it.

Harrow didn't even get that much.

[paintingchimera]

Do you think Ariane ever wanted her mom? Like because when we’re in pain, or scared or really anything we tend to want our mothers, so it’d be natural for Ariane to want her mother. GOD I IMAGINED IN ARIANES LAST MOMENTS BEFORE THE BIORESONANCE THING SHE WAS CRYING FOR HER MOM

Now that got me thinking, what about the replikas?? Do they long for the neural pattern’s mothers even though they’re not biologically their child?? When they destabilise I mean, like imagine a dying STAR on the battlefield calling out for her neural patterns mom oh my days

You guys cannot convince me ariane did not want her mom, especially with how she was raised I would reckon they had a very close bond. I wish there was more stuff surrounding ariane’s mom and even the itou twins mom like who is she?? Anja Itou or Lilith itou?? I would think Anja, because Lilith never had a male lover (that we know of) but she had Alina. Lilith being a possible older sister to them seems like a much more likely scenario than their mother, and personally on how lilith’s personality is shown (this is with the theory that she’s Elsters neural pattern) she probably would not want kids

And if the case was that Lilith was their mom, realistically then, Elster would’ve most likely atleast had some more instinct to protect isa— meanwhile with a sibling you really don’t have that urge (unless their like a baby) and honestly, I think Lilith and the twins wouldn’t of known each other for that long. Lilith would’ve been just a faded memory from childhood [if I’m correct on the timing of when Lilith might’ve been put into whatever they do to the replika neural pattern and that she is Elsters neural pattern] I mean, the faint possibility of her being the twins mother is that if Alina was their second mother, but that doesn’t make sense: Ariane is often portrayed as a ‘clone’ in a way of Alina, looking almost exact same as her. So why would Alina be their second mom? And it wouldn’t be possible because Alina was in the sierpenski as we know it,

So that would leave Anja to be their mother, Lilith? Maybe a cousin or older sister. Looking at Isa (assuming that Erika looks basically the same) she looks like she would relate to Lilith but not in a mother and daughter way; more like a cousins or sisters way. And What is the deal with Alina?? Is she just meant to be Lilith’s lover, or does Ariane end up being like some reincarnation of her? Or is Alina in retrospect just made to be that person Ariane triggers Elsters neural pattern memories with? But that would make her character practically basic if she only had one purpose. But I can’t figure out what she’s even here for, maybe she doesn’t really have a purpose? Some characters in fiction might not have proper purpose but they’re very important to plot I think,

Oh the ariane having acute radiation syndrome, she would be in SO much worse of state in reality, burns everywhere only getting worse, skin cells dying, even her bone marrow [i forgot if this parts correct shh] possibly started to degrade [I think I’m thinking of chromosomes], her teeth falling out, her organs dying from the inside out, losing absolute control over her own bodily fluids, I understand that it’s probably for creepy affect with her very basic black arms and legs to show nercotic skin but realistically ariane would’ve been dead much sooner when the radiation kicked in, even with the cryo medical pod. We all know of the person who had severe radiation poisoning, he died after a long battle. Considering Ariane would’ve practically be begging Elster— if Elster didn’t die first, because to me atleast, Replikas much more fragile when it comes to things like radiation, excluding MNHR units. They would start to degrade faster than a human would,

Ariane would be in so much pain, her skin wouldn’t even turn black it’d fall off exposing muscle and nerves. And her hair doesnt make sense, when someone has that much radiation and Ariane probably got out through so much more radiation, her hair would’ve fallen OUT, not grown. She would’ve looked like a burned mummy, and most likely. Elster wasn’t Alive to see any of Ariane’s true pain, yet Ariane probably would’ve still chosen the Penrose program. Why? Because hearing how sierpenski is that shit is SCARY. But also, we all know of Ariane’s bullying on rotfront. With how much she was getting bullied [I heard she even got put in hospital temporarily?? Idk if that’s right] she would of course pick that option. It’s like giving someone the option to choose: Go to school for years, Go for a year and get all of your diplomas immediately [of course it’s not a accurate comparison but shut up]

Bullying fucking ruins people, from experience I wanted to leave my entire country because I got bullied so badly. I wanted to leave the planet [as in going to space], when your given a choice between going to a facility or seeing the stars? You’d the stars especially in ariane’s place. The eusan nation is strict, and rotfront was terrible to ariane. Why would she want to put herself through more??

Anyways I’m literally ariane yeong (I bleached my hair to look like her, my roots are over grown tho 🫡) also sorry for so much writing, I have no one to really yap my ideas to 😔🙏

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 叛逆者/The Rebel.

The Rebel is a 2021 period drama set during the 1930s and '40s as seen (mostly) from Shanghai by a patriotic young man who just keeps getting injured, ow, that poor baby.

It's a fairly realistic spy drama, by which I mean, there's not a bunch of cute costume changes or fun fake identities. Instead, this is a story about people who live entire other lives for years, keeping their true allegiances under wraps, doing what they can to help their side while sweating out what they can’t. It's way more John le Carré than Ian Fleming -- no James Bond flashiness or gizmos, all George Smiley subterfuge and paperwork. Actual spycraft is tough, kids!

Full disclaimer up front: This show is not a happy fun good time. It's a fascinating, gripping, tense piece of work about a thirteen-year period of history where a whole lot of miserable things were happening. The body count is frighteningly high. Be very careful about which characters you get attached to. Exactly one man has plot armor, so God help the rest of them.

However, if you're up for a quality drama with a serious tone that's so full of HISTORY! it's bursting at the seams, I have five reasons you should give this one a shot:

1. Starring the veins in Zhu Yilong's forehead

Do you feel like watching a beautiful man have a terrible day for 43 episodes straight?

This show is absolutely a Zhu Yilong vehicle. The rest of the cast is great (and more on them later), but he's the star -- and the show just loves to beat him up, both emotionally and physically. His character, Lin Nansheng, exists in a Murphy's-Law situation where if anything bad can happen to him, it will. If you like seeing this gorgeous gentleman in distress, this show has you covered.

Someone please care him.

2. Daddy Issues

Chen Moqun is a bad, bad man. He's a bastard in his first scene, and he's a bastard in his last. He is loyal to exactly one thing, and that is his own survival. He will ally with anyone and fuck anyone over if it means he gets to live another day.

He is also scaldingly hot in his bastardry.

Chen Moqun is the spymaster who pulls Lin Nansheng out of the regular military ranks and into the world of the intelligence services, despite Lin Nansheng's lack of experience in the field. This means that Lin Nansheng is Chen Moqun's little golden boy -- and that means Chen Moqun feels justified in making Lin Nansheng do whatever the hell he wants, and in getting all up in Lin Nansheng's business when he doesn't do it perfectly.

I know there are several of you out there whose tails just started wagging. Good, you've got it.

Alas that he is not in nearly as much of the series as his top billing suggests he would be. He's a major figure in the early arcs, but pretty soon after, Circumstances relocate him to somewhere Lin Nansheng isn't -- and because Lin Nansheng is our POV character, Chen Moqun all but vanishes from the show. He reappears later, but as a much less prominent figure. Still a self-serving bastard, though! Don't worry about that.

I like Chen Moqun as a character for a lot of reasons. He's slimy, but he's effective. He's smart, but he's not a supervillain. He's the kind of competent bastard that it's very fun to watch the good guys outwit. He kind of has to leave the narrative, because he's so sharp that much of the plot would be impossible under his supervision; he gets replaced by [spoiler], whose general incompetence makes him dangerous in a very different way, but who is so self-absorbed that he can't see when he's being played. Pulling the wool over Chen Moqun's eyes is a much nastier business.

At the same time, though, he's a coward. He'll sell out anything and anyone to save his own skin. His lack of inner conviction eventually reduces him to something pathetic, leaving him at the mercy of people he once abused, Lin Nansheng included. ...Ah, your tails are wagging harder now, I see.

Now, for those of you who are not into a Bad Daddy dynamic, may I sell you on how Lin Nansheng also has two Good Daddies?

Honestly, if this show had not been laboring under the weight of [gestures to the state of Chinese media and culture], I'm pretty sure they would have made at least one of these two Older Lifelong Bachelors textually gay. I'm just saying, throw-yourself-into-the-cause-style patriotism is a great cover for never marrying and being cagey about your entire personal life.

Also, I know their super-secret espionage meetups on park benches aren't intended to look like dudes cruising, but come on.

3. A startlingly good love story???

And I say "startlingly" because the love story comes in multiple stages, and I haaaaaate the first one. Fortunately, so does the show!

When Lin Nansheng and Zhu Yizhen start off their romance, she's a wealthy college schoolgirl (which comes off as more than a little creepy, since Tong Yao is clearly in her late thirties) and he's a TA at her school -- except she's actually a student activist working for the Communists, and he's a member of the KMT sent to seduce her and infiltrate her cell. It goes exactly as badly as you'd expect! And when it was clear it was over for good, I breathed a sigh of relief. I liked them both as individual characters, but as a romantic pairing, the amount of malicious deception involved really wasn't doing it for me, to say nothing of how I dislike teacher/student as a trope. (Also, they really have no chemistry together, but whatever, I'm used to c-drama hets by now.) Well, I thought, thank goodness all that's over and we'll never have to come back to it!

But here's the thing: They come together again later under different circumstances, and oh, that's some good stuff. She gets a haircut, he gets to be himself, and the two of them have to learn how to work together even when they can't entirely trust one another.

That amount of deception is great, because that's not lies -- it's opsec. They are both withholding colossal amounts of information from one another, and each one of them knows the other's doing it, even if they don't know what information is being withheld. They both want to know what the other person knows, but they also know that person would die before giving up their secrets.

This does lead to a number of points where you're hollering JUST TELL HIM/HER at the screen, which can get a little frustrating. But, like, you get it. They've got reasons for not sharing information, and grim little reason number one is, the bad guys can't torture out of you what you don't know.

This is not a romance drama; this is a drama that happens to have a complicated romance stitched all the way through it. Sometimes it's the main focus, but much of the time it's a side note. The two of them go years at a time without interacting. They each spend a fair amount of time believing the other is dead. When they do get to work together, they're great partners. When they're separated or at odds, they don't collapse.

I said earlier that Lin Nansheng is the POV character, which is mostly true. However, we do get a not-small amount of the story told from Zhu Yizhen's POV when he's not around, which goes a long way toward making her an actual person and not just an accessory to his story -- and that goes a long way toward making this romance something between equals, and not just a case where a nice guy feels real bad about how much he fucked over the girl he liked.

I'd say that if you're looking for a drama where the love story is a central point of interest, or for a drama without any love story at all, you'll be happier elsewhere. However, if you're a Goldilocks who enjoys a fraught love story when it's there but doesn't miss it when it's gone, this may strike a good balance for you!

This pair is also about as much as the show gets in terms of textual, onscreen romance. Howerver, there are also a number of couples in this show who have to pretend to be married, if that's a trope that does it for you. And speaking of those...

4. My Fair Lady

Lan Xinjie turned out to be maybe my favorite character in the show, which surprised the hell out of me, considering how she was introduced as a pretty throwaway character: Oh, look, a pretty and sophisticated woman at the dance hall, she can use her refined and wordly ways to make The Virgin Lin Nansheng sweat, it's great.

But then she comes back. In fact, she keeps exiting the narrative and then showing up again a couple episodes later! Her continued involvement with these spy boys keeps both ruining her life and saving it. Every time you think she's gotten out, circumstances pull her back into Lin Nansheng's catastrophe orbit, making her maybe the most tragic character in a series full of them.

Here's a thing that impressed me about the drama: Lan Xinjie is a sex worker, but the show never shits on her for that. The show presents what she's doing as negative, but mostly because she doesn't particularly enjoy doing it. She keeps doing it, though, because sometimes it's the best way for her to make money, and sometimes it's the only way for her to make money.

The thing is, Lan Xinjie herself never talks about what she's doing like it's some tragic fate. It's a job. She has to play nice with jackass men from all over the world, and she can do it because men fall all over a pretty girl like her. Whenever Lin Nansheng makes a sad face about it, she basically rolls her eyes at him. She has a very solid grasp of the way the world works, and she's going to do what she needs to do to keep herself and her loved ones alive.

Now: Lan Xinjie definitely functions in the narrative as a contrast to how Good and Pure Communist Girl-Next-Door Zhu Yizhen is. Lan Xinjie is a little too much of a Fallen Woman, so she's never going to threaten Zhu Yizhen's position as the main love interest. However, it would have been so easy to go all in on slut-shaming Lan Xinjie to make that contrast even starker, and the show does not do that. It does not judge her for her choices, in part because it understands that women like her very often doesn't have any.

On top of all of this, Zhu Zhu can act her damn face off. There are story beats that could have been melodramatic and unintentionally comic, but she sells them and makes them devastating. Arguably the best scenes in the entire show are when she and Zhu Yilong are working together, because the two of them consistently turn in stellar performances. This show is not exactly a font of subtlety (see my next point), but both of them manage to play their roles with restraint and dignity that make their moments together shine.

I won't spoil where exactly this goes, but to me, the complicated relationship between Lin Nansheng and Lan Xinjie is one of the highlights of the show. It's a lot of guilt and obligation intertwined with genuine affection, and because it can't be The Love Story, it winds up being a very fraught, intimate friendship that lasts through the best and worst parts of both of their lives.

Also, everything she wears is stunning. Marry me, Miss Lan.

5. Makes you feel real smart!

Hey, nerds! Do you like history? Because boy oh boy, is this a show about history!

It's so much a show about history, in fact, that it occasionally has to break into little documentary-style interludes, where you get to watch pictures of actual historical footage while one of the cast members narrates a small summary of what's going on with the geopolitical situation at that moment. Everyone in the main cast is fictional, but there are plenty of real names dropped all over the place. You aren't expected to know everything already, but you're definitely expected to keep up.

I will admit that I don't know the ins and outs of that historical period well enough to fact-check a lot of the particulars, so I can't swear to the accuracy of its various smaller moves. I do know enough about it to know, though, that this story is a little biased.

And by that I mean: This show is propaganda through and through. It’s all about how well the Righteous Communists did in their battle first against the Terrible Japanese, then against the Wicked KMT (the non-Communist Nationalists). Characters give stirring declarations of their principles at a rate of about one every other episode. There’s a whole scene where two dudes sit on a park bench and talk animatedly about what a great and prescient writer Mao was. Be prepared to be serenaded by a number of (what I assume are) stirring Communist anthems.

This all has zero emotional resonance to me. There were several points I could tell it was making references to events and people and speeches that are surely real historical things, but I lack most of the cultural competency that I’d need to recognize them without explanation. The climactic moment of Lin Nansheng’s joining the Communists (this is not a spoiler, you know it’s coming from the get-go) mostly seemed goofy to me, especially with the closed-fist salute that looks like you’re about to punch yourself in the head.

See what I mean?

All of which is to say: The propaganda did not bother me, because I mostly found it abstract and funny. And for heaven's sake, I'm from the US; I learned how to laugh my way through unsubtle pro-government propaganda watching Saturday morning cartoons.

However, I can imagine people closer to these cultures and events having MUCH stronger reactions. If this is you, yeah, be careful.

What's kind of sad (and by sad I mean funny) is how much the blatant Communism! Fuck Yeah! just turns the show into the "How do you do, fellow kids?" of propaganda. If it had just told the story, it honestly would have done a better job of making the Communists seem like the cool underdogs against the overpowering forces of authoritarian jackassery. But when you have someone all but turn to the camera damn near every episode to make sure you, the viewer, know how good and noble and smart its brave communist characters are, it sure spoils the effect.

I honestly don't know enough about the production team to know how accidental or intentional this was. Is it possible the drama is actually subtly lampooning these hyper-patriotic tropes? Sure, maybe! Is it possible that it actually believes this cringe with all its heart? Could be! Is it maybe neutral on matters of personal belief but playing up this version of history to get the show approved by party censors during the 100th anniversary of the founding of the CCP? Ah, yeah, that's the most likely one. Believe what you want about its motivations. Those who are inclined to be moved by its ideologies probably will be. The rest of us, probably the opposite.

All that said: I actually think it's useful and good to hear obviously biased takes on historical events, especially from unfamiliar and non-western perspectives. This is because all takes on historical events are biased, and it's dangerous and stupid to pretend they're not! Looking at how someone tells a story is as instructive as looking at the story they tell. If you go into the Rebel with that in mind, it adds a meta-layer of interest that I (a historian) find fascinating.

Ready to watch, comrade?

This one's an iQiyi exclusive -- and it's not a VIP exclusive, so if you're willing to put up with some ads, you can watch it all for free.

This is a show I'm probably never going to watch all the way through again, on account of how heavy it is. However, it is also a show I'm very glad I watched, because I find myself thinking about it a lot. Even when it's being hokey and jingoistic, it never stops being interesting. It's just a well-made drama that contains multitudes.

And, of course, one of those is this beautiful man's beautiful face.

[buckybarnesss]

I think stories where the Hales are picture perfect just never resonated with me because I really do see them as That One Family that is wealthy but is super dramatic and over the top and just... intense.

It's so much more realistic that THAT upbringing would produce Derek and Cora (and Peter) than one that is super soft and lovely.

Like, Talia would never let Derek out of the house wearing his skank tank. That is not Alpha Hale approved.

talia hale would never. i feel like talia was super sensitive to how they were perceived by the community and she took great pride in her family. it reflected upon her not just as their mother and matriarch but as their alpha too.

her children were raised by wolves but they were not raised in a barn.

i just know talia was definitely a shoes off at the door, no feet on the coffee table and elbows off the table kind of mom but she wanted her kids to be human as much as they were wolves. it wasn't one or the other it was both.

she checked their homework and they had a chore chart but she turned a blind eye to the children trading chores and bribing each other. cora strikes me a conniving deal maker and derek was weak to his baby sister.

laura's cain instinct was triggered several times a week. you know she lorded over him she could turn into a wolf and he couldn't. there's no way she did not.

derek and laura were probably each other's greatest annoyances in life but also woe be to anyone who fucked with the other. i wish derek had spoke about laura. or cora. or anyone.

i don't think talia was a soft parent but she wasn't too rigid either. she could be comforting, wise and warm but not always emotionally available. she had to strike a balance between being a mother and being an alpha and maybe it wasn't always perfect.

i think there could've been something interesting about derek finding out talia forced corrine to carry her pregnancy with malia. derek helping malia to kill her birth mother while having to confront his mother's more shady, ambiguous and morally questionable actions could've been intriguing for his character.

i feel in my bones talia and peter were probably more similar than fandom wants to believe. she had to know his nature. she was his older sister and his alpha. i don't buy for a second she that blind to peter's behavior and didn't use it for her own benefit. they disagreed but he never seemed to challenge her and deeply mourned her death. losing pack is like losing a limb and peter was driven mad at the loss of his family. even after she died peter never spoke ill word about talia to anyone. not even when it'd cut derek to the quick if he did.

peter actually never says anything bad about talia or laura for that matter even if he was resentful talia took the memory of malia from him. (the nemeton is actually debatable. she definitely took it from derek but how did peter find it at the end of 3A?)

it's just the whole kate getting her hellish claws into derek so soon after paige's death and the way they likely had to cover up her death deeply fucked derek up and traumatized him in an already vulnerable time get me. he was failed by the adults in his life. he clearly wasn't getting the support he needed.

of course talia isn't to blame for kate's actions but where was she? how'd they miss an argent prowling around beacon hills and so close to derek?

but yeah the hales weren't perfect. they couldn't have been. but death has a funny way of smoothing those kinds of things out in your memory.

[callsign-rogueone]

Hey my love ❤️ I'm gonna baby Xaden in this like never before.

My poor shadow baby. I knew you were gonna break my heart with this one 😓

My baby tried to do it himself, always wanting to do things on his own. Wanna show that he's a leader and that he can do it. But he just needs help, and she helps him with disinfecting the wounds and bandaging them up, while he tries to hold it together to show that he is strong. And when they try to put the shirt back on and started to cry 💔 I will never forgive for breaking my heart like that (love you Liz ♡) he just needs to be hold but it's just so difficult with all the cuts on his back. Also she's just says "talk to me" ahhhhh she knows something is wrong 😓

Shadow baby just needs help and comfort. Someone to hold on to like Garrick and her to feel safe 🥺

My heart swelled when he was falling asleep on top of her ❤️‍🩹 little baby owwww my heart, I could keep going. But you write these things so realistically. I love him. I have a whole scenario in my head that he's like duchess little "baby brother" and that she'd be worried about him constantly cuz he is so cold but really he just needs care. I believe she took time so that he could cuddle her when he is feeling down. (I also have an entirely different story in my mind involving Xaden and Brennan but that has nothing to do with duchess lol. It's just a stuck idea 😅)

Anyway I could keep going on this cuz, baby shadow man, but this is the gist of what's going on in my mind. ♡♡♡

sorry for making you sad :( I cried a little writing it too. I just wanna give our baby shadow boy head scratches and a safe place to curl up and let it out. and writing this was the closest thing to that 🥺💗

I think we as a fandom don’t give Xaden enough credit for all the shit he’s been through. him and his shadows need several spa days to recover from it all. and therapy. therapy would be good.

Duchess absolutely babies him and Liam, the younger brothers that she never had 🖤💛 I want to write some of that group (her, Xaden, Liam, Love, and Bren as a little family with her parents…) those three are her and Brennan’s “practice children” for the kids they’ll have in the future once all of this wyvern stuff is handled.

+ this was totally an Angel fic even if I didn’t say that part out loud (I purposely left it vague so it could be any reader, but this is definitely angel to me). I’ve shown you guys a bit of Garrick and Angel (more coming!), but not as much of Xaden and Angel’s friendship. they’re a trio through and through. from little babies playing hide-and-seek in Fen’s office to suddenly orphaned teenagers to army Lieutenants, they’ve been by each other’s sides and they will continue to be far into the future 🖤💗🤎

[eriexplosion]

Entering season 2 with Spoils of War!

Honestly I think this is one of the best season openings I've ever seen. The setting is perfect for showing off their animation chops and the upgrade between seasons, bringing everyone into sight with Echo falling flat on their face is hilarious, and it leads into a fun high energy sequence that lets us see the time gap between seasons and just how much Omega in particular has grown. While also introducing us to why everyone is so tired because god are ALL THEIR JOBS LIKE THIS?

Cannot overstate how funny Echo face planting is.

Fucking. Splat.

We went over the plan FIVE TIMES.

Tech turning the ship too sharply and throwing Omega out of it like what did you expect you knew she was out there

Baby girl has gotten SOOOO GOOD WITH HER BOW. I'M PROUD OF HER.

WHY IS OMEGA HANGING OFF THE SHIP?????? Hunter is SO TIRED. He is going to have a fucking heart attack at any moment and he sounds so much more tired than last season already.

"Better late than dead, I always say." Truly I would have done anything this woman said from this point on. Phee is so unspeakably gorgeous and this is still the best line to possibly have Tech come back on, just SAYING.

The faces Wrecker and Omega make at each other on 'this one's too big, this one's too small' are amazing

THIS ONE'S GOT A FACE TATTOO just roasting Hunter with NO provocation, going straight for the giant tattoo on his face. Reasonable, frankly, it's not great for going undercover.

"GOT A NAME BROWN EYES~" I love her.

Wrecker stuttering out 'Yes ma'am' is exactly how I would be around Phee, huge mood.

Echo is the only one besides Tech that she doesn't roast, clear acknowledgement of the fact that Echo is perfect.

Cid leading a mutiny when Hunter doesn't like the war chest plan is fantastic honestly. "We took a vote" and Wrecker can barely even look at him. Sorry Hunter this team has been turned into a democracy you're being overruled. Even Killjoy agreed. Can't tell if Echo is horrified by the name or that they got ratted out.

Cid giving this job is interesting, because the obvious reason is that she wants the money too, but what she tells them is true and comes into play at the end. Eventually the Empire will come out here. If they had succeeded here, they might have split from her completely amicably which is probably what she preferred.

"You can have a future. Isn't that what you're after?" and Hunter looks at Omega I'm WAILING.

Echo has probably rehearsed this speech SEVERAL times. And while neither of them are entirely right (Hunter is right to want to protect Omega, but he's wrong to think that getting away from the Empire is even possible in the circumstances, Echo is right to want to fight the Empire but that doesn't mean they need to throw themselves right into the battle with everything they have) I think that ultimately Echo's POV is the more realistic. And what we've seen in other Star Wars media, and has also been set up in TBB before, is that it doesn't matter what Omega deserves, the world they're in doesn't allow kids to be kids. I'm thinking of Cham in season one saying that he doesn't want Hera to live her whole life fighting like he's had to, where we know damn well that it's exactly what happens - it might not be what they WANT for their kids, but sometimes it's the realities of life. They can't just walk away from that, no matter how much they might want to, not just because of a moral imperative to stand up to the Empire but also because it's just not possible.

Anyway I'm emotional as always over the fact that all Hunter wants is to let Omega have a childhood and that's one thing that I think she will not be able to have.

"Our lives are like this because of Omega" OW OW OW OW Echo WHY did you have to say that her room is RIGHT there.

"We. Should be doing. More." GOD BUT THEY'RE NOT WRONG, THEY'RE NOT, JUST UGH. THIS HURTS.

Omega in her little room with Lula thinking about what she just overheard I'm destroyed.

One of the reasons that the theories that Hunter will die to save the team don't quite work for me is, like Tech, we already know Hunter would die for them. Right here his plan is that if anything bad happens he'll divert their forces entirely by himself, sure he has plans to do that and make it out alive but if he doesn't? He's fine with that, if it gets them out safe. Him sacrificing himself for them isn't any kind of character arc because we're already starting from a point where he'd do that without a second's thought.

Wrecker smoothly scooping Omega into the cargo crate is such an adorable moment.

Even through his helmet the power of Tech's >:T at Wrecker for stunning a guy is powerful enough to be felt.

Shout out to Hunter's gratuitous roll

"How could all of this belong to one person?" that's capitalism Omega

Somehow never noticed Wrecker calling Hunter 'Boss' before oh my god that's adorable.

"Are you sure this hatch will lead into the ship?" "If I am incorrect, we will instantly be sucked out and perish. I am seldom wrong!" I love him, he's so chirpy about it.

"Congratulate yourself after we escape" NO NEVER HE WILL CONGRATULATE HIMSELF RIGHT NOW

The inside of Dooku's palace is soooo gorgeous

Listen if the cargo containers can have thrusters to slow down their descent, I think that the tram cars could have them too, just saying.

"You are correct, I am impressed!" is so cuteeee oh my god.

THE MOST FACE.

God I am cry at Hunter being too boggled to understand how to operate a lift. TECH USUALLY DOES THIS baby it is a TOUCH SCREEN it cannot be that hard what do you mean Tech usually does?

He's so fucking stupid I adore him.

THE S C R E A M

[c0rinarii]

WELL! I have just concluded the game that i bought on impulse bc i was hyperfixating on some of the characters (guess who!). I have A LOT of thoughts, but i'll start with some nutshell character thoughts and pairing shenanigains. Spoilers below!

That 4th tier deserves a bit of elaboration

Juro: He is, at his core, a blank sheet of paper. A mild sandwich with no seasoning. And I like how this game handled that fact bc he was someone more prior to this, but he's given a new personality so he can rest from being so self-sacrificing (if he's anything like the juro izumi from 2 loops ago). He's in the "they're there" tier for a special reason, bc he's kind of meant to be just There.

Renya: Despite being there just to help the audience answer some questions regarding the fucked up narrative of the story, I think what gives him a leg up from the "They're there" tier is his lowkey hilarious relationship with Ryoko. He is perplexed and lowkey salty about how short their relationship lasted no matter how hard he tries. He tries to not gaf as much as Ryoko does but he still does. Ei calls him out on this. Its so so funny.

Megumi: HER NARRATIVE ON GRIEF WAS VERY WELL DONE and if it werent for the spaghetti bullshit of an ending the epilogue was, I would be soooo so intrested how she'd handle moving on from Izumi. I find the concept of Juro/Megumi much more bearable with Juro now having one sided feelings for Megumi while Megumi considers giving him a chance or not. That wouldve been a great closing to their relationship instead of. just getting toghether with no qualms! yeah juro i totally wasnt mouring a dead version of you in that simulation. lets kiss.

Miyuki: I KNEW YOU COULD SAVE THOSE KIDS WITHOUT INFLICTING SEVERE TRAUMA. Sadly aside from "saviour from above" themeing with her, theres nothing much outside of that. While im greatful she was there, she is just there in the end. But her efforts give her a leg up from that tier.

Chihiro: The concept of a very peeved elderly woman stuck in a pre-schoolers body is a funny one and im just extremely glad that 13SAR is not big enough that sobposters arent using her at large to fufill their degen fantasies. Aside from that shtick though, nothing else. Thats literally a baby

Moving onto the canon main pairings!:

I saw someone calling HijiOki queer-bait and i can kindaaaa see why when basing it off the epilogue. Yeah they havent seem to progress much past 5 years and are at best still at talking stage while some of the others are literally married with kids (oh i'll get to that.) But I like to see it as the only pairing with realistic progression past. everything thats happened. Aside that they're just very funny!! Love their dynamic, will be rooting for them no matter how long it takes.

I did not expect myself to like SekiFuyu this much!! I do agree that Iori ESPECIALLY deserves more story outside hanging with gals and crushing over Sekigahara (not to say i didnt like it!!), but im very glad that the story subverted my expectations! I want them to be happy first and foremost, but i feel like the added angst from Iori realisng that she was a clone of THE Chihiro Morimura wouldve made this ship just a little bit more peak. Aside that, I support Iori shoujoisms and Sekigahara finding love and happiness.

I think my rating on Nentomi will change the more I ruminate on it. MeguJuro would be bumped up above RenRyo IF they didnt immediately fall in love after those 5 years and have Megumi still "thinking about it" while Juro goes "pleaaase :(" bc i think Megumi deserves to tease him a lil and think more about What the hell happened. ShuuYuki is the worst case of comphet between a lesbian and a looser bisexual ive seen.

Now.... the elephant in the room.

Ive talked to moots about how much i abhored the ending at first. Aside from the Darling in the Franxx-esque cop out, you expect me to believe that some of them just. got toghether after everything?? without any processing of What The Hell just happened?? nothing at all?? god

Im not the one to usually complain about comphet bc yeah its something i hate, but it usually doesnt sour my experience of consuming media so much. But god this is where its one of the main reasons why an ending is ruined for me. I hate hate HATED some of the epilogue scenes, esp with Nentomi and Shuuyuki bc of the straight people "my wife sucks but i love her" humour it radiates. ugh.

I would've loved a much more... bleak? more bittersweet?? outlook on the situation? after realisng everything is not real and you are basically the 15 adam and eves left to recreate human civilzation... that would be a pretty fucking huge thing to grapple with. I just wished that they had more complexity with this ending. Or! just stick with the fact that they're forever trapped in space colonies left to deal with the horrors of their situations and the mistakes of those in the past. Sorry for bring a tragic yuri enjoyer, but the overbearing dread and loom from the simulation story was what really made me intrested in 13SAR. To see it just solve itself with little drawback was so lame.

I read the George Kamitani aimed for 13SAR to have a mecha and shoujo hybrid story. While that's honestly an awesome concept, im sad it means that he can miss out on more complexity when intepretting the narrative when it comes to certain relationships (shoujos can be complex too!) I also heard that the game was meant to be at least 3 times longer that it is curently which is. wow. Its a shame that so much content got cut out 😭 bc i feel like a bit more time with these characters is all i need to make my verdict more positive.

As a bonus, i'll include a crackship tierlist too! Alot has changed

I miiight need another few days or even weeks to compile another thoughts post bc theres definitely more things i wanna talk about (the narrative structure, Tamao, 2188 theories, themes of japanese imperialism-). But so far, im gonna let it ruminate for a bit before picking it back up to analyse

[frostandflamesfanfic]

Take Me Home for Christmas (College!Steve Harrington x Reader)

Take Me Home for Christmas (Rated G)

Pairing: CollegeAU!Steve Harrington x Reader (gender neutral)

Word Count: 2.2k+ (it's a longer one!)

Warnings: References to uncomfortable family relationships(?), suggestive content, fluffy cuteness

Summary: Inspired by the song, "Take Me Home for Christmas" by Dan + Shay; It's yours and Steve's first winter break as college students. When you have to go back to your separate homes for the holidays, Steve doesn't want to say goodbye just yet. Little did you know what other surprises would be in store...

Baby, when December comes

When it's gettin' cold outside

And your bags are packed

I don't wanna say goodbye

“Remind me why you have to go again?” Your boyfriend asked you from his position beside you. He was supposed to be helping to pick which clothes to pack for your family’s annual holiday celebration. Keywords being “supposed to.” Instead of stuffing fabric into a suitcase, the two of you were cuddled on your twin-sized bed. Your head was resting against your boyfriend’s chest, which proved to be a more-than-adequate pillow.

“Steve,” you hummed. “We’ve been over this. I have to go, at least for a little bit. Then I’ll catch a flight out to Hawkins after Christmas so you can introduce me to all your children.” 

“They’re not my children,” he was quick to correct, although he had a ghost of a smile against his lips. When you first met Steve and heard about his found family back in Hawkins, Indiana, it was impossible to think those kids were anything but his. The way he practically lit up talking about Dustin’s latest invention or Will’s new comic idea made you want to kiss him senseless (and you had on several occasions).

To anyone else, the topic of having and wanting a big family would be a major red flag on the first date. But it felt natural for you and Steve. The two of you bonded over your shared desire for a family in the future. Like Steve, you were an only child who grew up with a relatively strained relationship with your family. However, unlike your boyfriend, it seemed to be easier to perfect and enjoy your I’m-here-but-not nods and less-than-interested hums of acknowledgement as you got older. Who knew that being part of a big extended family meant acting in the world’s most realistic play?

It was simultaneously your favorite and least favorite time of year. On one hand, you were able to catch up with family that you actually liked being around and haven’t seen in forever. On the other hand…were those family members and questions that increasingly encroached closer and closer to overly personal territory. At least this year, when Grandma Cecile badgered you about your dating life, you could finally tell her you have a boyfriend. You already knew most of the time would be spent talking about your boyfriend just because you’d miss him so much. 

You and Steve met early on in the school year. Robin Buckley, Steve’s best friend, was assigned to be your roommate for the semester. Now, Robin was amazing, but you had to admit she could be a bit…spacey at times. When classes started, Steve had visited your dorm no less than three times in the first week because Robin had left her notebook in the classroom or wanted her sweatshirt (which was actually Steve’s) back but forgot to grab it before the big game. Sure, you had hit it off with the dark haired freshman, flirting every now and again, but you quickly put a stop to it. With how close the small-town hometown duo appeared to be, you had automatically assumed they were a couple and tried to respect their privacy. 

Robin was quick to clear up the confusion, though, when she noticed how awkward you appeared to be around Steve. “You know the dingus and I are, like, totally platonic, right?” she asked you during one of your late night conversations. “Like, platonic with a capital P.”

“Oh,” you replied. “I guess I just assumed that—“

“Oh, yeah, no, totally! It’s not uncommon for us to get that question. I mean, we are really close! But that’s just because we’ve been through a lot together— and I mean a whole lot of shit.” There was a brief moment of silence. “You know he’s, like, totally head over heels for you…right?”

“…what?!”

“You didn’t know?! God, wow, you both really are helpless…or is it hopeless? Probably both, but you know, if you both can’t tell that you love each other…it’s probably more of the latter.”

A few weeks later, the two of you (finally, according to Robin) stopped skirting around your obvious (again, according to Robin) attractions to the other and went out to see a movie the film club was showing. So what if Steve didn’t completely understand the premise of Empire Strikes Back? The way he smiled and nodded while you ranted about certain aspects of the plot made you feel like the most special person in the world. The two of you were inseparable the remainder of the semester, much to Robin’s mock dismay. You couldn’t help it. Every day you spent with Steve made life so much better, from the simplest of smiles to the gentlest of kisses against your cheek. 

“But why can’t you just come home with me first?” Steve’s voice broke through your thoughts. 

“Because Christmas is in two weeks,” you explained with a sigh as you sat up to ultimately take on your original task.

Your boyfriend groaned dramatically. He lifted an arm up to cover his eyes. “Two weeks?! I won’t see you for two whole weeks!”

“Oh relax, lover boy,” you reached over to sleepily pat at his abdomen. “Just two weeks without me, then you have me all to yourself all through to the start of the next semester.”

Steve groaned again. “We just finished finals,” he whined. “Don’t remind me there’s more!!” 

“God, I’m not going to miss your whining.”

“Hey!!”

When I see the trees light up

When they hang the mistletoe

“Are you sure you have everything?” Steve asked, hand on his own suitcase handle. He glanced behind you at the suitcase, carry-on, and backpack waiting by the front door for the taxi. “Pajamas, dress, hairdryer?” 

You couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped your lips. “Yes, mom,” you teased. “Everything is packed and within a reasonable limit of the TSA’s guidelines.” 

Steve nodded absentmindedly, eyes transfixed on something else now above your head. “Good, good,” he acknowledged. “But, uh, I meant…are you sure you’re not forgetting anything?”

Brows furrowed, you tilted your head and followed his gaze in confusion. Everything clicked into place the second you recognized a familiar white-berried plant placed in the doorframe. “Steve Harrington,” you mumbled, a smile gracing your features, “how long has that been up there?” 

“Long enough for me to wonder when you were going to notice it,” he whispered back before he leaned down to press his lips to yours. He tasted like that of chocolate and cinnamon from the farewell breakfast you two had shared that morning at your favorite nearby cafe. Your hand reached up to cradle his neck, currently covered by a soft brown and white flannel scarf to shield him from the cold winter air, which prompted him to pull you closer by the waist. Neither of you wanted to let go, but you knew it had to happen. 

“Call me as soon as you land tonight,” you whispered against his lips, eyes locked onto his own half-lidded ones. 

Steve nodded and searched for your lips once more to kiss you softly. “Promise,” he whispered. “You’ll be the first to know.”

“‘M gunna miss you so much. You better be ready for the best hug of your life in Hawkins after Christmas, Harrington.” 

The boy before you gave a cheeky grin. “Hopefully it’s more than just a hug, babe.” 

“You’re disgusting,” you gasped and swatted at his arm playfully. 

“Hey, you’re the one that put us in the gutter now, babe,” Steve attempted to defend himself. “I just meant kisses.” He puckered his lips and closed his eyes for effect. 

A honk sounded from behind you, signaling the arrival of your cab. Heaving another sigh, you pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. “I have to go.”

Steve nodded. “I know,” he said. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

You nodded, appreciating his respect for your not wanting to say goodbye. The two of you had both done your share of those and it made things feel much more finite than they actually were. “Miss you already!” you exclaimed as you started to load your luggage into the taxi. 

And I'm by the fire

I don't wanna be alone

“Hi, hello!!” you exclaimed as you ran up to the counter. Checking your watch, you still had….ten minutes to spare. “I’m here to check in for my flight? Seat 3A?”

You had had the worst experience with airport security once you arrived. First, you were selected at “random” for a security pat down, then were subjected to watching your suitcase being torn apart due to a metallic zipper on one of the dresses you had brought for the festivities. Not only that, but you had ended up at the wrong gate and thought you had missed your flight thanks to a less-than-helpful attendant. This trip was off to a fantastic start. All you wanted to do was plop down into your cheap economy seat, lean back that half an inch recline that was provided as part of the “luxuries” afforded to you through your ticket, and pass out for the first hour of the trip. 

“Oh, yes,” the clerk smiled gently at you as you lifted the ticket into view. She flipped through her little booklet on the desk and raised her eyebrows slightly. “Well isn’t this a treat? It looks like you’ve been upgraded to business class. Your new seat number is 45C.” With another friendly smile, she printed out your new ticket and held it out. “Enjoy the flight and happy holidays!”

“Uh…yeah, you too,” you responded politely as you began to make your way into the boarding area. 

Upgrade? Was it possible? Did someone at the airport feel bad about your travels so far and take pity on you? Either way, you weren’t going to complain. You had heard the rumor of moist towelettes and additional footwell space available in business class. Now you’d be able to check it out for yourself. As you strolled through the aisles of seats, you felt a renewed burst of energy once you left economy seating. You were finally on your way after hours of security and stress. 

After a few minutes of walking and mumbling the number to yourself, you finally found your seat. It was much more spacious than where you would have been sitting and you spoke a silent prayer up to the travel gods for helping you. You placed your carry-on and backpack up in the overhead compartment, making sure to take out your walkman before plopping down in the seat. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes for a moment in an attempt to get some peace. There was a small gust of air against your face and the sound of fabric squishing leather nearby. When you opened your eyes and turned your head to meet your seat partner, your breath caught in your throat. 

“Hey, travel buddy,” Steve flashed you a toothy smile. “Think you can squeeze in room for one more at Christmas?”

“What are you doing here?!” you exclaimed in a barely hushed tone. “You’re supposed to be on a flight to Hawkins with Robin tonight!”

“Yeah, well you see, babe,” your boyfriend began to explain. “I decided to take a little detour.” 

You crossed your arms across your chest. “What kind of detour?”

“The….two-and-a-half week long kind?” came the sheepish response. 

“Steve!! You can’t- why?” you sputtered. “What about your family? What about going back to Hawkins?!”

“Look, it’s okay,” Steve soothed. ”I already called your parents and asked about it. I’ll stay through Christmas and then we can celebrate with Dustin and the other little shits when we fly back on the 27th. Your mom said it was fine. In fact, she said everyone was pretty happy to hear I was coming…once they found out who I am, I mean.”

You cringed at the explanation. So your family already knew. Your mom knew, your dad knew, which probably meant your grandmother knew. And once Grandma Cecile knew…..everyone knew. “Oh God,” you groaned, hands reaching up to cover your face. 

“Babe?” Steve’s voice was concerned now. “Babe, what’s wrong? Did I do something? Are you mad?”

“No!” You replied way too quickly. “I’m not mad and nothing’s wrong per say. I just…may not have explained to my family that we’re….” You made weird gestures with your hands in an attempt to select the right words. 

“Dating?” Steve supplied, causing you to nod. 

“Yeah,” you admitted. “It’s just- every year I’m badgering about my love life or what I plan to do. And this year, I- well I finally have something I can be happy about sharing. I got into a good college, made some great friends….started dating my boyfriend.”

Steve grinned. “Boyfriend, huh?” 

You felt the bright flush crawl up your neck and rest itself against your cheeks. “Yeah,” you admitted quietly, “boyfriend. Is that- is that okay?”

Steve’s response was a gentle press of his lips to yours. Yes, it said. That would be more than okay. You allowed yourself to relax against his hold and return the affectionate gesture. It was a feeling you thought you had needed to deprive yourself of for the next few weeks. Even though it was a shock, you were glad Steve was coming to spend the holidays with you. 

You just hoped that your family wouldn’t scare him away. 

All of your traditions

I wanna know 'em all

You'll check every box off of my list

If you take me home for Christmas

======

Author's Note: So sorry today's fic got out so late -- I meant to post it sooner, but due to life getting in the way, it just didn't end up happening. This is one of my favorite stories I've written for the event so far...I'm really hoping that the timing of it's publication doesn't make it flop :(

If you liked this story and want to see more like it, make sure to leave a comment and reblog! Likes are very much appreciated, but it's the other two interactions that really help me out as a writer. It spreads the word about my work AND gives my brain cells the happiness they need to be motivated to keep writing! To make sure you don't miss out on all things Stevemas and ficmas for this year, maybe consider giving my blog a cheeky follow. With Tumblr eating posts in tags, it might help keep you in the loop as to when the next fic will be posted, as well as other crazy happenings in the life of El!

Until next time, my little sparks <3

Taglist: @bakerstreethound

[koopaspiderofdarkness]

Thoughts on TMNT: Mutant Mayhem

Without spoilers, I feel the need to say that to anyone considering the film just as a warning it does contain flashing lights, scenes that may trigger ementophobia, and severe body horror. Spoilers below:

I don't usually write my thoughts on films but I saw mutant mayhem today and I have MANY THOUGHTS and no one to talk to about them so here are some of my thoughts on the movie:

I really liked that Donatello wasn't portrayed as a super genius like he is in a lot of the other iterations, he is my favorite turtle and I don't dislike this characterization, but I do think that making him a more realistically nerdy kid helped him feel more like a normal teenager. (though I really did not like his interest in attack on titan like kid that's fascist propaganda get outta there!)

I loved how ugly all the baby mutants look and I mean this in the most affectionate way possible, baby superfly my beloved.

The shell cracking scene was BRUTAL, in fact the whole movie was kind of brutal like Splinter kills a man on screen I am very surprised that the age rating isn't higher, and it probably should have been anyway because it did seem like they were going for a darker tone at some points.

Speaking of, maybe I just missed some things but I feel like some scenes were cut or some context was left out because when the turtles leave TCRI with Splinter he says he is taking them home, but in the next scene we see them he's going with the turtles to stop superfly? Maybe I misheard or he was saying it as a joke but I was a little confused.

Speaking of, I really enjoyed the music and voices but was it just me or was it hard to make out what the turtles were saying sometimes?

The scene where the mutants accept the turtles also felt a bit oddly paced, and the mutated version of superfly confused me a bit because of the zoo animals mutated on him, though from what I read I guess when he fell through that building there was a zoo underneath? I don't remember them saying that though.

The ages of the characters was also a confusing point, Splinter explains that he and the turtles are different ages because he was mutated when he was older and they were mutated when they were young, but we see all the other mutants as babies in Baxter's lab so how come they are different ages? The only thought I have would be maybe they age differently depending on how their animal counterpart ages but I really have no idea.

I don't know how I feel about Leo's crush on April but I do think it was handled better than Donnie's crush in the 2012 version of TMNT, and I like that it wasn't the main focus of their relationship.

I feel like some of the mutants should have been used more? I don't remember a whole lot about Leatherhead, Ray Filet, and Genghis, there's a big cast of characters so it isn't too big a problem, but it was noticeable.

I really love the found family aspect of the film though, it's cool seeing the mutants be a lot more humanized than the other series, and I thought the Scumbug and Splinter relationship was a welcome surprise. (Though it's also a little unfortunate cause she was kind of a baddie and I don't want to be in a polycule with Splinter /hj)

I really liked this version of Splinter though I thought his design was very cute and I thought the difference between him and Superfly in terms of how they reacted to more or less the same predicament made them really good foils to one another.

I need to get my grubby little hands on the model for Superfly's final form oh my god not enough people are talking about that thing and I don't know whether I adore it or absolutely hate it because it taps into a very specific fear that I have of designs like that but I also love it because of that like he is SO horrific and I need to fully understand everything going on in that design right now.

I really loved the art style, I thought it was a bit strange at first but after I got used to it I love just how much fun the shapes are in this movie!

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the ending; I'm not entirely sure what message I am supposed to take away from it. Upon first viewing it seemed like the movie was communicating that the reason the turtles became liked was because they saved people, and that was the only reason they would ever be accepted- and April supports that fact at the beginning of the movie too. They're teenagers, and I think it is incredibly unfair that they would have to save the entire city just to be treated like kids instead of monsters, and it's even stranger because the only reason the public's opinion of them changes is because they are fighting a "bad" mutant. Which- maybe it's better that they see Superfly as bad instead of every mutant but I still think there's something kind of strange about that ordeal, I mean if any new mutants showed up will humans assume they're "good" like the turtles, or will they think they are "bad" like Superfly? Are the turtles and the others only accepted because they got rid of a "bad" member of their kind? I feel like that has some odd implications, though I guess I'm not supposed to think about it that much. But after thinking on it more, maybe it's moreso supposed to be about how instead of wanting to destroy the world, they tried to work to change and improve it, and that's what got them accepted, being "good" despite the circumstances. I feel like the latter is the more intended message, but I can see how the former could still be interpreted as well, I suppose it depends on how you look at it.

Overall I really enjoyed the movie, I didn't like it more than Rise's film, which is my favorite TMNT movie, but I think it is a close second! I'm excited to see where Mutant Mayhem goes from here!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

what's up kids it's that time again already

because I am extremely ready to be done with season 4 !!!

Gotham 4x17

something wild I've just realized is that at this point there are only 18 episodes left of the entire show, since season 5 was retooled into a half season that only got 12 eps and had to cut several ideas and characters including, among other things, the presence of Man-Bat. that's odd partly because I've spent something like nine months chipping away at Gotham at this point, and it's very strange to imagine my life now without any more Gotham to liveblog. it's also strange because this is no way feels like a story that's nearing any kind of conclusion, and I have to assume that when it inevitably comes the end will be as abrupt, brutal, and messy as every other aspect of Gotham up until that point.

anyway let's see what fresh hell is in store for us this time

god we've really abandoned all pretenses here Bruce is Batmanning on every level except for actually wearing a bat cowl

Oswald looking UNBELIEVABLY cunty atm I'm OBSESSED

bitch!!!

it would have been so cool if Bridgit had literally any kind of consistent personality or motivation but alas it is not that kind of show

a cool thing about the show never technically letting Cameron Monaghan's character be referred to as the Joker is that I don't technically have to like the Joker! and that's a huge relief because I do in fact like Jerome very much

oh my god they stumbled into an interesting Riddler moment again. this rules. like realistically this is about as good as guy whose whole gimmick is riddles could probably do for himself.

Lee got rid of her shitty bangs AND has acquired some sparkly fingerless fishnet gloves I love this for her

oh boy Jerome in a dog cage better not be a writer's poorly disguised fetish

I am once again asking what the point of making him Solomon Grundy was it lasted like ??? six episodes ??? people come back from the dead on this show all the time it didn't have to be a Thing

the thing is that if I didn't already know what the reveal is going to be (there's a second Valeska and Cameron Monaghan is going to play his own twin) I would simply have to assume they were going an incredibly bold gay Joker route and having Jerome hunt down his ex boyfriend

hey this is unhinged. like there have been a Lot of stupid storylines in this show but this genuinely so dumb and SO unnecessary

they want me to believe he stapled a live barracuda to someone's face as if the Riddler could possibly control a noble barracuda

there are just so many men in this city that Lee should be permitted to dismember with her bare hands

oooh baby Orphan Black this is not they are STRAINING to keep from having to show two Cameron Monaghan's at the same time. this is so disjointed

Hatter and Scarecrow getting sent to kill Jim and Harvey but immediately giving up because Harvey uuuuh screamed and ran right at them is ??? lmao??? you are so bad at your jobs hit him with some fear toxin or something?

also exactly no one on this show seems willing to actually run like their life is on the line which is really creating a very weird ambience. Mad Hatter and Scarecrow are doing the white person half-jog across the intersection while being chased with a gun

anyway Jerome just gave his brother a little smooch on the head but I don't think I'm insane for saying it seems like he wants to put his entire tongue in his twin's mouth. and that is hands down like the most normal thing going on in this episode.

RESPECT FOR LEE THOMPKINS: LOST !!!!!!!!!

[transwicky]

Surprise

The Guy/Scraps fic nobody wanted but me. Oh well 8)

on AO3

Guy used to play for the Aces. It was before Kent was drafted, and Guy had been strictly in the closet for his entire Aces career.

Well, for the most part. Until Scraps had joined the team, at least. The two had become friends fast, and Guy had felt himself forming a crush within the first week.

He’d always known he was gay, or he had since he was fourteen, and his first time having sex with anyone – his fourteen year old class mate who had been flirting and asked him out – had left him feeling… nothing.

He’d broken up with her, quietly telling her he was gay, and she had been furious over it, but her brother had rolled his eyes, and told her ‘you shouldn’t have fucked him then, he wouldn’t have known he was gay if you hadn’t’, and Guy was torn on being embarrassed, upset, or relieved, that he had someone in his corner – or at least in his corner enough to keep her from being a vindictive ex.

Several months later, his ex’s parents came around, dropped a baby in his arms, and said it’s either adoption or you, make the decision now.

Guy had chosen to keep the baby, and his parents were disappointed he had sex, and that it was clearly unprotected – he was fourteen, he knew nothing about sex other than his dick when into the vagina, okay!? – but also proud of him for taking responsibility.

He didn’t think he’d get into the NHL – he wasn’t entirely sure how he did, to be honest – but he did, and he was one of the only Aces with a kid, and he knew quickly to not mention he was gay to anyone on the team (though he knew, realistically, that Red would accept him, especially since Red’s daughter was trans, and Guy knew that because Red housed him and his son for two months, until Guy got an apartment of his own, so- Red would accept him, but Guy still wasn’t prepared to risk it).

But then Scraps joined the team, and that stupid crush formed.

And then a month later, Scraps had kissed him.

It’s been years since then, and they were still together, despite the fact Guy was traded to the Falconers across the country.

Video calls every week were done, and phone calls and texts were daily.

Guy’s son suffered the most, since Scraps was his father just as much as Guy was, and Vince was fourteen now, and god, Guy couldn’t imagine his son having a baby.

“Dad, when is Babbo coming to visit?” Vince asked, as he drove to the high school’s rink. Vince had joined the local hockey team for his age group when he was ten, and Guy had made sure his son knew he needed to sign up because he found hockey fun, and not because of some silly idea that he had to be a hockey player because of his parents.

Vince had rolled his eyes, said duh, and that had eased Guy’s fear that his son was putting too many expectations on himself, like Jack had (not that Guy blamed Jack at all for that).

“I don’t know.” Guy sighed softly. “You ready for hockey camp?”

“Yeah!” Vince grinned, and Guy smiled softly.

Yes, the perpetually frowning man did know how to smile – he just usually only smiled at his son, or boyfriend.

Fiance.

God, he couldn’t believe his lover proposed at a fucking falcon show at the fucking zoo, like a fucking nerd.

God, he loved that man.

He dropped Vince off, and spoke to the coach, before he headed for the local ice rink that had been affectionately nickname The Roost by most of Providence.

Walking into the nook, he froze, seeing George showing their new team mate around.

Except it was-

“Leo?” Guy asked, eyes wide, and George and Scraps turned around, and Scraps grinned.

“Surprise?” He offered, and Guy didn’t care that half the team was there, watching, as he understood why Jack had said fuck it on the ice a year ago.

He ran to his lover, and tugged him down into a kiss, and Marty and Thirdy laughed – they’ve known for years now, about Guy being with Scraps – as a few others cried out.

“So how come I didn’t get welcomed like that!?” Snowy joked, when Guy and Scraps pulled apart.

“Gross.” Jack said, and it distracted the team from Guy kissing Scraps, and Scraps laughed softly.

“Well, this is already a different team environment than I’m used to.” He said softly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It was a surprise.” Scraps said, smiling. “So… Surprise.”

“You’re a such a fucking nerd.” Guy laughed softly.

And then he tugged him into another a kiss.

There’d be hell to pay from the rest of the team later, for not telling them – especially after Jack came out – but it was worth it.

This was definitely a hell of a surprise.

[polutrope]

Ungoliant's Bane is one of my very favorite reads this year. Can you say more about how it came together?

Aw, thank you so much, I'm honoured to hear it🥹

I just answered an ask about Ungoliant's Bane here which pretty much covers the process.

But I can say more!

I wrote the whole alliterative verse poem in the Maglor chapter at a coffee shop, without reference to Tolkien's alliterative verse, and when I got home I realised I'd attempted way more alliteration than I needed to and rewrote the whole thing 😁.

I watched several videos of kids telling stories to try to make Elrond's story more realistic. A developmental psychologist (or just a parent) would probably have criticisms but they're peredhil so I can fudge it a bit, right?

I originally had the twins behaving a lot more frightened in the chapter with Maglor but it didn't feel quite right. So upon reflection on my limited experience with children that age (who are still SO BABY), I realised I was perhaps portraying them as older than they were. So I transferred my assumptions about how they were feeling onto Maglor and tried to show that, like me, he was wrong about them. The truth was that, more than being scared of him, they just wanted him to notice and listen to them 🥺.

[onyourstageleft]

tw: pet health, animal sickness, cancer mention

..

idk how to do a read more on mobile sorry y'all but this is your chance to scroll on

..

so Peggy has some lumps under her skin. we noticed them on Tuesday night, there's two of them close together on her hip. called the vet this morning and they got her in at 2pm and took a biopsy and they'll call me back either Saturday or Monday with what's going on, they won't speculate or anything, but I did the very unwise pet parent thing and took to Google and based on everything I can find it is most likely fibrosarcoma which is a difficult to treat cancer and also expensive bc it involves surgery and continuous radiation/chemotherapy for several months and frankly I don't care how much it costs I will go into all the debt for this cat, I have a 9k limit on CareCredit and am unafraid to max it out + my other credit cards it's not even the money that bothers me, but if I'm right about what it is the prognosis isn't great for long term health and that is going to break me. She's my baby, she's only 7, she was literally the only thing keeping me from going off the deep end at some points in college, she's supposed to meet the kids I want to have in a few years, she's been here for most of my adult life and I will absolutely lose my sanity if I lose her anytime in the next few years. she has to make it to 10, ideally she'd be around for another 10 years past that but I'm realistic, I know 12 is perfectly reasonable so that's what the goal has always been, I literally can't do this without her. and my partners love her SO. MUCH. Peyton dotes on her, he's only been around for 5 of those years but he is so so in love with this cat, she is our baby, I would be lost without her so uhh if this turns out to be what I am afraid it is, don't be surprised if long form rant text posts become more common here bc I will absolutely lose more than a shred of my sanity.

also I guess don't be surprised if you see some sort of fundraising post from me in the future bc while I am unafraid to max out credit cards those bitches will want their money back at some point and I am unfortunately not a rich bitch, although quite frankly that is the least of my priorities rn, I just want to do whatever I possibly can for my baby. logically I know that I've done what I can but the anxiety is running away with me rn. like what if the tiny spot I felt on her a couple months ago and then couldn't find again when I looked for it was this before it got big what if I could have caught it earlier I should have been more diligent in checking or made a note of exactly where the tiny spot was initially so even if I couldn't find it again maybe the vet could have? I know I didn't put it off substantially and I really trust this vet they've been great but I could HEAR her as they were trying to numb and biopsy the spots she was so angry at them and once they shaved the area it looks SO much bigger than we could feel, like we knew there was one spot but were iffy on a second one and you can see them so clearly now they're big and slightly discolored and I am afraid. thankfully she hasn't been acting any different like she was literally having zoomies this morning but the idea of not having her zooming around makes me want to crawl into a bog and be preserved for a thousand years okay

anyway i know I've posted pics of her at some point but it's been a while so idk what I tagged them or where to find them but if you believe in literally anything at all I would appreciate an appeal on her behalf like I know there are so so many bigger things going on but Peggy Sue is my baby. other alises include Soupy Peg, Miss Ma'am, Peggum, Pegasus, Peggle, Soupiest, etc if you would like to be specific.

okay I'm gonna go take a bath now and try to read a book bc I need to not be on the internet rn, let's all spare a collective thought for my sanity

[bookwyrminspiration]

I Need Bookrecs but I can’t Just look any up cause all I get is booktok stuff :/

please help

Well I can recommend some things I/people I know personally enjoy! I don't know what you like, so I can't tailor them specifically to you, but hopefully it's still a helpful start :)

(and if anyone would like to reblog with their own additions, that's welcome to!)

A Chorus of Dragons by Jenn Lyons: A series I've talked about a lot recently. High Fantasy with incredibly complex and thorough worldbuilding, following Kihrin, a thief raised in a brothel as he discovers an unwanted royal heritage and the knowledge that he is destined to destroy the world. With an entire cast of engaging, unique characters (several queer in various ways) that drive the story, follow along as past lives are uncovered and these people who want nothing more than to live in peace are forced to fight for that right and figure out how to save humanity from the jealous hubris of people who have lost sight of what horrors can be justified for the greater good.

The Memoirs of Lady Trent by Marie Brennan: A series written like memoirs by Isabella Trent, the most famous and accomplished dragon naturalist ever who redefined the world and how dragons are understood with her accomplishments. But before she can be recognized, she had to establish herself in the field as a young woman in a time when women can't even vote--but she refuses to give up and travels the world for her passion, recounting the places she's been, people she's met, cultures she's glimpsed, and dragons she's studied. Very engaging and grounded, realistic in its depictions, isn't afraid to tackle topics like how harmful the "not like other women" idea is and how gender roles are detrimental to everyone.

I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself by Marisa Crane: I haven't read it, but my partner loves it. In this world, you gain a second shadow when you commit a crime, and Kris has one. And when her wife dies in childbirth, their new baby gains a shadow, too. Told as though Kris is talking to her dead wife, it examines grief, resistance, surveillance and prejudice, and is undoubtedly much better than I'm making it out to be with my vaguely informed knowledge.

The Bone Houses by Emily Lloyd Jones: A standalone about a girl trying to provide for her siblings as a gravedigger, one of the only ones left in her small village who's still cautious of the supposed undead magic on its outskirts. But when a map-maker with an unclear past shows up offering money in exchange for guidance to the fabled locations, she can't turn it down. Explores death and grief and learning to live on without the people you care about, very sweet and introspective.

Ordinary Monsters by J.M. Miro: The beginning of a new series, following two boys, Marlowe and Charlie, as they're discovered and taken to a mysterious institution for their magical gifts that allow them to access--in their unique ways--the space between life and death. But there are secrets at this institution and misguided ideas of how best to save everyone from the shadowed figure hunting down little Marlowe, driving their new small band of friends to action to try and keep everyone safe. This book is slow and deliberate, but charming; the kids all act their age and there's no romance, but plenty of finding and choosing your family.

The Expanse by James S.A. Corey: Phenomenal sci-fi set hundreds of years in the future; people are colonizing Mars and a marginalized, oppressed class of people live in the Belt. Tensions run high between all of them, but James Holden is just getting by as an ice hauler before his ship is blown up and he and a few others find themselves at the center of a conspiracy. An important woman's gone missing and when she's found, the very foundations of their world are shaken as a physically impossible biohazard rewrites history and science, taking the story to places beyond where the characters ever saw themselves going. I haven't read it myself, but my dad has and I've seen the show (which is incredible) and I really want to read it myself. Cast of distinct characters and the show is one of the most scientifically realistic out there

Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto: A short, bittersweet standalone about grief. Following Mikage as she processes the death of her grandmother, she becomes close with one of her grandmother's friends from a flower shop and his mother, finding herself again and learning to live with it. Notable for its casual depiction of a trans character (that mother) in this book from the 1980s. It's a lovely read, introspective and thoughtful.

The Black Witch Chronicles by Laurie Forest: I'm not caught up with this one, but it starts following Elloren Gardner, granddaughter of the last prophesied Black Witch--but she doesn't have a single spark of magic in her blood. So she's starting at a new University to become an apothecary, but there finds her beliefs about the world--and her people's superiority--challenged as she's forced to room with two winged icarals, who she doesn't think even deserve to be here. The world turns out to be much more complicated than she thought and she needs to figure out where she actually stands. A high fantasy with a more in-depth world building, but I've only read the first 2 books so far. And in the first Elloren has a lot to unlearn, so prepare to cringe at her actions and thoughts for a hot minute--but the magic and politics of the world I remember being quite interesting.

Babel by R.F. Kuang: I've spoken about this frequently; a standalone about colonialism and language. About the literal power of words and necessity of violence. Follow young Robin Swift, taken from China as a child and given a new name so England can send him to Oxford, where his language can be used to power magical silver bars and strengthen the empire. But this exploitation of him and the people he's come to think of as family rests heavy on him, and a series of experiences drive his thoughts towards revolution and pain. Warning, this is a heavier book, especially for those who have personal experience with language/culture loss and disconnect, with the effects colonialism.

The Martian by Andy Weir: A standalone about an astronaut who gets stuck as the only person on mars when his crew has to flee the planet when a storm hits. Trying his best to survive alone until someone can hopefully come get him, the story is told through his Log entries--and he is quite the little shit of a narrator. Surviving on humor and fuck it we ball mentality, he's either going to survive and be famous for it, or die on mars and also be famous for that. An incredibly fun read that touches on the bonds of humanity and what we'll do to help others, and how hard people will fight to survive and keep their hope alive. This was also turned into a movie, and not a bad one!