#I wanna draw the girls too as they don't feel left out lol

[ultrabananapudding]

As the biggest Salim simp, you know I had to double it with a Young!Salim joining in on the Crop top + Booty shorts craze (ㆁωㆁ*)

I wish to draw men in crop tops, as soon as I get back from my oral surgery consultation I'm drawing (maybe, please don't quote me) every HoA man in a crop top and not even god can stop me 😘

[genericpuff]

i find it funny that one of rachel’s drawings of herself in the afterword that just went up is just fully persephone. is that something she does a lot?

Alright so I've been making it a general rule for myself to like, not harp on Rachel in any way outside of LO as much because frankly the horse is dead now and there's not much left to say outside of what can be analyzed in hindsight. I think despite everything I have to say about her and her work, she still deserves to get away from this nonsense and I don't wanna spend eternity hovering over her shoulder.

But the afterword was posted within the LO series and is clearly meant for readers of LO in the functioning of being an afterword so let's just call it fair game LOL

I will say, on the whole, it does feel very honest and sentimental and I can respect Rachel for taking the time to write out and illustrate her afterword in a way that was personal to both her and her fans. I can understand why she went at it from the angle that she did and I'm not gonna fault her for that.

But there's also something that feels deeply... disingenuous about her approach right from the starting gun. I will say, before I continue, that I'm well aware I am biased towards Rachel as a creator, and I fully acknowledge that I could very well be reading too much into things. This is just my opinion, take it with mountains of salt.

I can get looking back on your own childhood, your past self, whatever, and going "see! it all got better!" because sure! For a lot of creators like Rachel, it must be wild to look back on where they came from and there's a lot of sentimentality on expressing that through an afterword like this where she reflects on where she came from. Though she STILL didn't acknowledge her other comics outside of LO, I can understand if she wants to leave those skeletons in the closet.

But I feel like her drawing herself as a child who's being given an Eisner by her adult self and all that just feels like some gross attempt to disarm any criticism of her because "don't make fun of me, I'm just a sad lonely baby girl!"

She's not a child. Child Rachel didn't grossly misappropriate Greek myth into their own self-indulged vanity project. Child Rachel didn't claim herself a folklorist of a culture's works only to bastardize them completely. Child Rachel didn't create a hostile environment within her fanbase by bullying anyone who she perceived as a threat, sneaking into critical spaces to try and cause trouble, and writing her own clapbacks into her comic. Child Rachel didn't claim to be challenging misogyny and purity culture only to reinforce misogyny and purity culture through her own self-insert baby-virgin-gets-rescued-by-rich-tycoon power fantasy that regularly glorified abuse towards women and the lower class.

30-almost-40-year-old Rachel did though.

At best it comes across as really cringe sentimentality from a Greek-weeb (heh, greeboo) and goes to show how much Rachel inserted herself into Greek myth without ever absorbing its messages or cultural contexts, it was all about her and her feelings as a sad New Zealand girl with dyslexia who thought Persephone's story was about another sad girl being rescued from her "horrible childhood".

At worst it's an active attempt to play on people's heartstrings by drawing herself as a child who people will naturally not want to criticize. I don't want to assume she's doing it intentionally, I really don't want to leave her afterword on a bad foot, as I can definitely understand as both a creator and a person who struggled with learning disabilities in their own childhood how and why she wants to pay homage to her past and where she came from... but let's just say, as someone who's also gotten way too "lost in the sauce" concerning personal self-reflective projects, I think there's a lot to say about how this confirms that Rachel made LO entirely for herself, about herself, without any actual intention to respect the original myths, because she never truly separated them from herself when she was a child. And, in my humble opinion as someone who has Been There with the self-insert OC's and self-reflective angsty plotlines, I can fully attest to the fact that that's not fucking healthy. Even with personal projects, you NEED to learn to get your head out of the sauce, you NEED to learn to objectively separate yourself from the narrative so the story doesn't fall apart under your own hubris and ego, you NEED to learn to draw a line if you want to have any sort of identity as a human being outside of what you make for people. And that's with just normal original stories, this was a story based on Greek myth which doesn't belong to her.

And this goes for a lot of the things she's said and done in the past, so much of her own "sources" even are tethered to things that she read / watched in her childhood and only vaguely remembers, as if she never mentally left her childhood at all, which just... if the point was to highlight her past and the traumas she went through and how they contributed to her present, an Eisner isn't going to validate those experiences. And drawing attention to her past through the lens of her childhood self absolutely 100% does not absolve her of the negative effect her work has had on the modern Greek myth zeitgeist nor the things she's said and done as a 38 year old woman who should absolutely know better.

The community she entered and took from will forever remain changed by her influence and taking, in many ways not for the better. She has the privilege of walking away and never having to think about it again, with all the awards and accolades that were bought for her, the bravado that she built around being a "folklorist" with zero credentials, and the platform she was given over many other creators struggling to even be heard.

That "place" she claims to have now was built entirely on inserting herself into another culture's works and doing nothing but taking, taking, taking, while offering nothing in return but vanity and lip service. That "place" was paid for and brought to you by Webtoons.

[shy-taylorsversion]

Want You Back | Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Inspired by Want You Back by Maisie Peters

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Summary: Over a year ago, Y/n started hunting with the boys. Her and Dean's friendship became more than anything she ever had before. Then he hurt her like never before. The worst part was she didn't really care.

Takes place somewhere in season 6 after Sam got his soul back. Flashbacks are during season five.

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Cursing (minimal), canon-level violence, few innuendos, and mentions of things. Reader is kinda sad and desperate. Angst. no happy ending :(

A/N: Hi!! After a year of trying to write a complete fic to post, I finally did it. Please excuse any grammar or spelling errors, I relied on Grammarly lol Also I had no idea how to write the action scenes but tried my best. I really don't know if this is worth much but I had so much fun writing sooo I hope you enjoy it!! (gif not mine)

March 2010

  Y/n’s phone buzzed, drawing her attention from the hunter drunkenly blabbering in her ear. They’d just wrapped up a quick hunt, a werewolf somewhere in northern Montana. She didn’t even really know the guy but Bobby had given him her number to ask for help. She agreed, not really having anything more to do. He was fine for a hunter, other than he never shut up and was getting too handsy for her liking, and him being on his fifth drink wasn’t helping. 

She opened the message, not recognizing the number. Bobby had to stop handing it out to whoever.  

           “Hey, Sweetheart. Whatcha up to?”  

The phone fell into her lap. There was only one person she ever let get away with calling her that, or anything really, and he didn’t come around often. 

           “Depends, who is this?”  

    The response was almost immediate. 

          “Don’t do me like that, Y/n”

 She could almost see his stupid grin on the screen and had to look away to control the heat rising in her face. Within five seconds and two texts, Dean Winchester had turned her into a giggling schoolgirl with a crush. 

          “I’m at a bar, what do you want?” 

         “Ah, a girl after my own heart. Which one? I wanna see you.” 

In any other universe, she would have assumed he had ulterior motives. She had the first few times she’d received that text but ended up spending the night hiding her disappointment. He only wanted to see her. He’d meet with her wherever she was. A bar, a motel, a diner.   

They’d spend hours talking about everything. She’d tell him stories of her recent hunts and the hunters she was stuck helping. He’d tell her of whatever they’d been facing. On rare occasions, when it was super late and they were sprawled on her bed, in a half-drunken stupor, he’d tell her about Sam or their dad. He’d mention their childhood and what he was put through. One night, he even mentioned a girl named Cassie, he skirted around details but Y/n understood. 

   They’d fall asleep like that, on top of the covers of a dirty motel bed. The next morning, he’d take her to breakfast, hug her goodbye, and then he was gone. 

     Her phone buzzed in her hand again. 

       “I miss you.” 

Her blood ran cold as she stared at the screen. He’d definitely never said that before. They just never went there and maybe this wasn’t him going there but it was different. Without another thought, she sent him the address. 

Present, April 2011

  “What Dean did wasn’t ok, you know that right?” Sam said through the phone. “He never should’ve left like that. We just really could use your and Bobby’s help on this case.” 

  Y/n sighed in response. What could she even say? That she knew, that she understood. That it still didn’t matter because even through all of the anger and hurt, she’d take him back tomorrow. 

  Not that he’d ever actually been hers. It was only half a spring, barely two months. 

It didn’t matter either way. There was a job to be done and she had to do it. She could put her feelings aside for a few days. 

 “He always left like that, not like I’m surprised.”  

   “Look, I’ve gotta go but please, Y/n, call us if you need anything. We’ll be there soon.“ 

 “Bye, Sam.” 

  The call ended, leaving Y/n leaning against the railing of Bobby’s porch. The early spring wind whipped around her and she hugged her flannel closer, looking out onto the empty road. 

   It had been over a year since she’d seen either of them. She knew of everything that happened to them. Sam going to hell and coming back without a soul. Dean, living a normal life for over a year with a woman and her kid. 

 Y/n didn’t know her, only hearing about the situation from Sam and Bobby in passing. She knew her name was Lisa and that Dean cared for her. Maybe more. She knew that Dean had promised Sam to live a normal life after he jumped into the cage. And she was happy that he got a year of peace. She was. 

   She could picture him helping in the kitchen, wearing an apron with flour smeared across his face. He’d probably set up family movie nights and weekend outings and birthday dinners. He’d been happy and okay. Against all odds, he had gotten out. 

    That didn’t stop the wave of hurt that washed over at the thought of him, all domestic and soft.  

 The click of the door opening pulled her out of her thoughts. Bobby stood there, a knowing look on his face.  

     “C’mon kid, let’s see if we can figure out something before those boys get here.” 

A few hours later, Y/n stared at the book in her lap. She’d been rereading the same paragraph for thirty minutes. Every time she’d get drawn into the book, the house would creak or the wind would blow and she’d be snapped out of it. 

   She kept waiting for the door to open, for footsteps to trail down the foyer and into the living room. She couldn’t even begin to prepare for what the next few days were going to be like. Her only plan was to act as normal as possible, which was already proving to be difficult. 

  A pit formed in her stomach, there was a lump in her throat and her head was clouded. The whole room was hazy and it felt like she was watching herself exist.

    She didn’t even realize she was crying until something wet hit her hands and slid onto her jeans. She quickly wiped her eyes and tried to focus on the book again. The lines blurred together as more tears filled her eyes.  

    God, she was sitting here crying over some guy. She was a grown woman, she had to get over this. It was pathetic at this point. 

   “You know, what Dean did was wrong. Leaving like that, not telling you what happening.” Bobby said, walking into the room, a stack of books in his hands. “I love the kid but he’s a real dick sometimes.”

       He meant well but she swore if one more person said that Dean had done bad, she was going to go crazy. 

    She knew that. More than anyone, she knew. She was the one who spent months hunting with him, helping him and Sam figure out how to save the damn world. They’d spent nights wrapped up in each other, more than ever before. Farther than before.  

  She was the one who woke up to an empty bed with no trace of him anywhere. He never responded to a call or a text. Never even let her know he was alive. 

  He’d left like an assassin. 

   Part of her couldn’t even blame him. It probably had been for the best because if he’d told her what the plan had been, she’d have begged. 

     In the end, he’d got to be a coward and she salvaged some amount of self-respect. 

 “I know, Bobby.” She said, giving him a small smile, “I know.” 

The door creaked causing Y/n to jump, earning her a concerned look from Bobby. 

  She smiled at him again, trying to reassure him. She could tell he’d been worried about her lately. He was justified in it. She’d been on edge and closed off for the last year and a half. 

   She took a deep breath and steadied herself. She’d known these boys for the better part of her life, it wasn’t a big deal. 

     Sam rounded the corner first, entering with a slight grin. His eyes immediately found hers and without warning he pulled her off the couch and into his arms. 

   Y/n let out a surprised laugh as her feet dangled off the ground and the life was squeezed out of her.  

   “I missed you too, Sam.” She said, unable to hold back more laughter, “Put me down now.” 

   Her feet hit the floor and Sam stepped back. She looked him over, still smiling. 

     “I’m so glad you’re back.” 

   “Yeah, me too.” 

A set of footsteps grew louder causing Y/n to look up, only for her to meet two green eyes. 

  The breath was knocked out of her and she was all too aware of the pit in her stomach again. 

Ignoring the pairs of eyes on her, She spun on her heel to face Bobby.   

    “Let’s get started?” 

March 2010 

“I call shotgun!” Y/n yelled as they walked out of the diner and took off towards the Impala.

   She was probably being unfair. She’d barely shared the passenger side in the few weeks she’d been with the boys. Sam was getting huffy about it, she could tell but she enjoyed the view more from the front.  Sitting in the back she’d miss the way Dean’s hands looked gripping the steering wheel, the way his lips moved as he mouthed the lyrics to whatever was on the radio, or the way his eyes would flicker to hers for just a split second. 

 Dean had also finally let her DJ and she didn’t plan on giving that rare privilege away anytime soon.

   “C'mon, dude. It's my turn.” Sam whined, “My legs are starting to cramp.” 

Sam beat her to the car which wasn’t surprising since he was literally the size of one. She was close to giving in when an arm landed on her shoulder. Dean nudged Sam out of the way, ignoring his protests, and opened the door. 

     “Sorry, Sammy.”  Dean’s eyes never left hers as she slid into the seat, “Need my Darlin’ by my side.” 

Present, April 2011

   Cracked wooden planks creaked under Y/n’s feet as she followed the boys and Bobby into the abandoned house. It was pitch black. She blinked her eyes, trying to adapt to the lack of lighting.  

According to Sam, a nest of vamps had been holed up there for weeks. They’d started leaving a trail of bodies, teens who’d come through as a dare or curiosity. She didn’t know the exact numbers racked up in that time but it was enough for Sam and Dean to ask for help. 

   Dean motioned for them to split up, two taking the downstairs and two going up. She went to follow behind Sam who had taken off into the next room but Bobby beat her to it. She would’ve fought back but it wasn’t exactly like she could cause a scene right then. 

   She followed Dean up the stairs, cringing every time the stairs groaned underneath their feet. 

Dean slowed as he hit the final step before a long, dark hallway. Y/n was a step behind him. His body nearly covered her. She shifted to the side to peer around him. 

  Both raised their machetes, trying to keep their breathing quiet as they waited for any sign of movement.

    A crash came from down the hall. Dean started towards the sound, Y/n following close behind. The complete darkness put them on edge. Being minus one sense in a house of at least ten fanged bastards, not fun. 

      The floorboard creaked behind her causing her to flip around, just in time to dodge the first vampire of the night. 

       She swung her machete, hitting its arm. Distracted, she brought down the weapon. Its head hit the floor. 

        Dean yelled out from behind her. She flung herself around to hear him fighting off, what she guessed was three on his own. Her presence seemed to catch the attention of one of them because it charged at her. 

   She dodged, the vamp lunged again grabbing her by the arm. She twisted out of its grasp. Using the angle to her advantage, she swiped her leg around, knocking it off balance. Its head rolled away as its body hit the ground. 

     She wiped the sweat from her forehead and turned to try to find Dean. She still couldn’t see him but she could hear him panting a few feet away.

She was yanked forward. Hands gripped her forearms tight enough to leave bruises and slammed into the wall. Her head buzzed on impact and she forced herself to stay upright. Its fangs grazed her neck and then its head dropped to the floor. 

   Dean stood in front of her, so close she could feel him breathing, rather than hearing it. Without thinking, she reached out to him and landed on his arm. She went to pull away but his other hand grasped her wrist, holding her in place. 

“Thanks.” She breathed, “You good?” 

“Yeah, You?” 

She wished she could see him, make sure he was being truthful. He didn’t exactly have the best track record with honesty. But in the dark, she had no choice but to trust him. 

    “I’m fine.” There were definitely bruises forming in her arms and her head was still spinning but she’d had worse.  

   Dean’s hand dropped her wrist. She ignored the deflated feeling in her chest and dropped her arm back to her side. 

  Without warning, he ran his hands over her arms and up her shoulders. She tried to pull away but he didn’t stop. 

    “What are you doing?” She whisper-yelled. 

“I literally heard you hit the wall, Y/n,” He said, running his hands over her head, checking for any bumps. 

“I am fine.”  She tried to swat him away but he grabbed her wrists mid-air and pulled them to his chest.  

    The air was humid around them. She heard him panting. Leather and sweat invaded her senses. Any focus she had before vanished. 

He was here, touching her, after so long. 

  Silence enveloped them. The only noise was their panting. 

 This was wrong. Sam and Bobby were probably fighting for their life downstairs and here they were, doing whatever this was.

  She was about to pull away when a loud yell came from downstairs. 

   The moment was broken. They took off down the hallway and stairs. Staying close to not get lost in the dark. 

  They hit the last few steps as a vampire, charged at them. 

 Dean swung his machete and it fell to the floor.  

 They moved further into the first floor of the home, finding Sam and Bobby fighting off at least four vamps each.  

   They split up, him going to Bobby and her going to Sam.  

     None of the vampires were aware of her yet. She grabbed the syringe of deadman’s blood out of her pocket and plunged the needle into the closet to her. 

  Now they knew she was there.

 Two turned towards her giving Sam time to take down his remaining one. 

   Both charged at her, hissing. She ran in between them.She flipped around, slicing the blade in an arc. The one on her left doubled over at the impact. 

    She swung. 

The right one lunged at her. She pivoted and cut the blade up. 

Its head hit the floor. 

She looked around the room, a slight beam of moonlight flooded the house now. She made out Sam helping Bobby up from the floor, right as Dean took down the last vampire. 

   The room was silent other than everyone trying to catch their breath.  

Dean’s eyes found hers. She forced herself to look away. Sam interrupted the non-moment. 

“Time for drinks?” 

Y/n and the boys decided to go out. They were leaving soon but everyone needed time to wash off and get ready. 

   She dragged the black liner across her eyelid, double-checking to see if it smeared the shimmery brown eyeshadow she’d already put on. The cracks in the old mirror made it kind of hard to perfect the make-up but it would have to do.  She already changed from her bloodied hunting clothes into a clean pair of jeans with a simple tank top. She didn’t own much and traveled with less. 

“Broke mirrors are bad luck, ya know?”  

  Dean leaned against the doorframe, flannel pulled taut around his crossed arms. 

She ignored the pit that had reappeared in her stomach and continued applying her lipstick. She flipped through ideas for a response. She could yell at him to get out or cry about how much he hurt her. Instead, she opted to act like nothing was wrong. 

   “I’m pretty sure you’re the one who broke it.”  She said, shoveling her makeup back into the bag, still never meeting his eye. She stood and gathered the rest of her stuff into a neat pile on her bed. Her back was completely towards him. 

    She heard him walk into the room and the door clicked shut. 

“Y/n, look at me.”  

She turned around and looked up at him. Her eyebrows raised like he was boring her. In reality, she was struggling to breathe. Her hands shook and a lump was stuck in her throat.  

 Her eyes glanced over his face. His jaw was set but eyes were soft.  She knew where this was going. 

  Dean took a deep breath before starting.  

“Look, what I did-” 

“Do not finish that sentence, Dean Winchester.” She spat. 

“I just-”

“No. You don’t get to say anything. You don’t get to say that what you did was wrong or how sorry you are. You don’t think I don’t know that what you did was wrong? Everyone keeps telling me that. Bobby, Sam and now you. They kept telling me how horrible of you that was like it wasn’t me. Like I wasn’t the one who spent months with you, like I didn't help you figure out how to stop the fucking apocalypse. Like I didn’t stitch you up after every hunt or spend every car ride next to you. Like I wasn’t the one who would hold you after you woke up screaming or it wasn’t me who spent every single night in your fucking sheets.” 

 Every ounce of refrain she’d worked to keep was gone. Hot tears were streaming down her face as her eyes bored into his. He didn’t try to interrupt her but his jaw twitched and body tensed. 

  “Like it wasn’t me who woke up two months later to an empty bed. You were gone, Dean. You left without a word. No text, no note. Nothing. You fucking left me. And then I found out you were with some other girl for a year? So yeah, I know that what you did was bad.” 

Somewhere in her speech, she’d moved close enough for their chest to touch. Her finger was stabbing into his chest.  He didn’t move, was barely breathing but she wasn’t finished. 

   “Maybe it was cheap to you, or maybe it was some fling to pass the time but it was real to me. It was all I had. You were all I had.” Her voice broke at the last word and she dropped her hand. Her head fell as she cried. Over a year of built-up heartbreak exploding in one moment was too much. 

     His hand found hers and placed it back on his chest. She looked back up at him, his other hand reaching out to cup her cheek. She closed her eyes as his thumb wiped away the remaining tears. 

    “Do you want to know what the worst part is?” She whispered, eyes still shut. “I’d be yours again if you wanted. If you asked. How pathetic is that?” 

      “Y/n.” 

She opened her eyes to look at him despite her embarrassment.  

  “You are anything but cheap or pathetic.” His voice was thick and his eyes were glassy. She’d seen him in so many different states but she’d never seen so much emotion written across his face. 

   “Ask me then. Ask me to come with you.” 

His expression darkened and he dropped his hand from her face. He took a step back and looked away. 

   “It’s not that easy.” He said, shaking his head. “It's never that easy.” 

She let out a bitter laugh. 

 She wasn’t even surprised. She should’ve been disappointed or furious but she was just over it. She was tired and desperate. And if she couldn’t have him, he needed to go. 

  She wiped a hand down her face and glanced back into the mirror assessing the damage her outburst caused. She started wiping off the messed-up liner before starting to reapply. Dean stood behind her, brows furrowed in confusion. 

    “Get out.” She said without hesitation, her voice as steady as possible.  

He opened his mouth as if to speak but shut it. He walked towards the door but stopped with his hand on the doorknob. 

   “For what it's worth, I am sorry.” 

The buzz of conversation filled the packed-out bar. Sam found them a small booth in the corner and was now talking about a new piece of lore he’d found about some Egyptian god. Most of the time, she loved hearing what he had to say but right now all she could focus on was Dean's hand trailing up and down the woman’s hip. He never even sat down with them, finding himself a spot at the bar, next to a pretty blonde. She’d watched for half an hour now as he grinned at the girl, whispered in her ear, and bought her a drink. 

  She wanted to puke or cry or both. She decided to get drunk instead. 

She went to take a sip of her beer only to realize it was empty. Motioning to Sam she was going to get another, she slid out of the booth and made her way to the opposite side of the bar from Dean. 

   She planned to order a shot of some vodka and another beer but she couldn’t catch the attention of either bartender.

  A body bumped up against hers causing her to stumble. A hand wrapped around her waist to catch her. She almost jerked away but she looked up to find a familiarly unfamiliar pair of dark green eyes and dark blonde hair.  

   The man was by far the prettiest she’d seen all night. 

 “I am so sorry, It's packed in here. Isn’t it?  Nowhere to stand.” He had a slight southern drawl and a boyish charm about him. 

 “It is. Can’t seem to even order a drink.”  She smiled at him.

 “You see, now that had to be fate or something because I was just wantin’ to buy you one.” He grinned and waited, almost seeing if she’d allow it. His hand was still on her but she found she didn’t really mind. 

 The room was fuzzy and she could only make out the man in front of her. Even then, he was a little hazy and she had no idea what he was saying, only that his mouth looked pretty as he said it.    

  Y/n didn’t know how long it’d been since the handsome stranger volunteered to feed into her night of drunkenness or even how many she’d had so far. She vaguely remembered him buying her the first shot and then the second and maybe a third. They made small talk, she gave some bullshit story about what she did for work and where she was from. Somewhere in between she had a fourth, fifth, and sixth one. 

 And somewhere between the seventh and now, she’d lost track of Dean. She didn’t even know if he was still there. She did know that the new guy made her feel ok, at least for now. His hands never left her and the drinks never seemed to end.

  She could barely remember the events of the day. Maybe by tomorrow, she wouldn’t remember any of it, or at least a girl could hope.

But right now, she didn’t feel like crying or throwing up as long as she didn’t think of it. 

   She decided in her drunken haze that maybe this was what she needed. So when the stranger asked her if she wanted to leave, she agreed. And when he leaned down to kiss her, she let him.

[strongheartneteyam]

Realize where you belong.

Pairing: neteyam sully x female!human!reader/female!dreamwalker!reader

Chapter 7

CW: a good amount of angst, reader finally is letting neteyam in and realizing how she does truly love him too, physical contact, neteyam suffering while holding back from mating w/ reader, mentions of sex, yearning, sexual language, reader and neteyam acting like a cute couple, playful flirting, reader is more vulnerable with neteyam, a lot of fluff, reader feels guilty about the way she's been treating neteyam. Tell me if I'm missing something important!

Sorry for taking long to update, my angels 🥺🤍 unfortunately I'm going through a tough path in my personal life rn and bc of that I fell on a horrible depressive episode that I'm still on. So, my motivation to do stuff is very low at the moment and as I have to deal with my adult responsibilities that I can't run from bc nobody can, rn the best I'm able to do is focus the tiny bit of energy I have onto getting them done. I won't be able to update my fanfics as fast as I used to for some time. Can't say how long, it's not under my control currently, sorry :( But I LOVE writing, it's a great escape for me, from life problems and stuff, so, I really do not plan on stop writing fanfiction. I promise! Don't worry too much. Some of the upcoming chapters of this fanfiction, for example, are already saved on my Google Docs. I'll take longer but I won't stop updating. Anyway, I'm a tiny bit (ok maybe much more than that lol) insecure about this chapter but I hope y'all like it. Seeing your comments about the fic would make me incredibly happy. I'm needing some serotonin right now 🥲 Thanks for reading my writings ♡

Not proofread. Sorry if some parts are a bit messed up. I'll proofread it as soon as I can <3

Chapter 6

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowin' my pride

Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night

(...)

It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you

Back to December (Taylor Swift)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

You inclined yourself slowly and sheepishly in Neteyam's direction, still feeling guilty for the way you had been treating him before. Neteyam sensed your self doubt and quickly swept you off your feet, taking you inside his arms, so he could finally get the hug he had been dying for, so he could finally feel your small body against his bigger one. His big hands were now under your thighs, securing you in place against his warm body. That closeness, his touch… it all felt incredibly good. You cursed yourself for pushing him away and postponing that moment. To think you could have felt that before and you didn't… "Stupid girl" you thought.

You were now really far from the ground but you felt safe. Now you knew Neteyam would always protect you. He would not let you fall and get hurt. He was not and had never been a threat to you. There was not and there never was any reason for you to be afraid of him.

"Oeyä yawne…" (my beloved) "You feel so soft and tiny… Eywa… Nga yawne lu oer" (I love you) His voice was choked with emotion as he held back tears of joy while he hugged you as tight as he was able to - without hurting you - and you rested your head upon his shoulder. Your nose was hovering over his neck and you sniffed his skin, smelling his natural, cozy scent. It was intoxicating, drawing you in, making you wanna stay like that forever. 

You breathed in deep and relaxed inside his huge arms that held you for the first time but still strangely felt like home, like you had felt them around you a thousand times already. If you believed in past lives - which you didn't - you'd explain this odd but amazing feeling as you having found your soulmate again, in this current life. There was no fear of Neteyam inside of you anymore. You only yearned for more and more of him, only a burning affection kept your whole being warm, just like his massive body did too.

"There's still something I need to ask of you, if this is gonna work out between us." You said, breaking the hug for a while to look him in the eye

"Say it, yawne."

Neteyam was still so utterly happy that he did not even seem to be shaken by that, which he could have been

"You know why I pushed you away. First of all, finding out an alien double your size has been stalking you is freaking unnerving." You still gazed into his eyes, wanting him to pay attention to your words "Second, you acted like a creep. At least compared to the way human guys act around girls they're interested in. I don't really have any experience dating na'vi boys, you know?" You choked a little as you were trying hard to hold back laughter

"Ouch…" Neteyam playfully pretended to be extremely hurt by your previous statements. He chuckled "In my defense, I'd say my instincts are to blame, not me, exactly." You gave him a death stare, but in a playful manner too "When I saw you, I knew you would be the perfect mate for me and I had to make you mine. Everything about you rubbed me just the right way."

You smiled. He was being silly and so sweet. You just could not resist it.

"By the way, when did you see me for the first time?" 

Neteyam seemed to get shy after that question. You wondered why.

"I fell in love with you while you were in your Avatar body, yawntu. That's when I first saw you." Neteyam looked up at you again, smiling but showing no teeth

"You what?" You questioned him, a bit shocked but you could not bring yourself to be mad at him, though. Imagining him hiding behind trees and up in branches to watch you silently seemed adorable in your eyes, now. 

And yes, you knew it sounded crazy, to find someone who used to literally stalk you adorable, but nobody said that anything that was happening to you right now made any sense. Not even you would try to.

"How did I never notice you were around?" You shook your head in disapproval of your distraction back in the forest.

What if it had been a na'vi who did not trust you a single bit to even let you Dreamwalk freely, without grabbing you by the arm and taking you to the Olo'eyktan and the Tsahìk? Some na'vi hated humans to that point. And, as you always said and always would say, you had a great empathy towards them and could imagine yourself feeling the same way if you were na'vi. You could never bring yourself to judge them as harshly as way too many humans did. You knew they were not the villains of the story. But still, what if that na'vi tried to hurt you? You felt tense at the thought.

Neteyam noticed your uneasiness and tried to calm you.

"Don't worry, yawne. I'm a great warrior. A big part of being a good warrior is being really focused on one's mission and knowing how to get by as unnoticed as possible. So many other humans in their Avatars and even many, many na'vi wouldn't notice me, either."

Neteyam still wanted to call those other humans "demons in false bodies" but he was not going to. He knew it would hurt you and make you feel like he was talking about you too. But he was not. Whenever he had called you "demon", it never meant the same thing as it would mean if he was talking about any other human. But he knew it would be hard for you to understand. So he promised himself that he would never call you "demon" again. After that eclipse night when the both of you were talking in front of your bedroom window, he realized how much it hurt you when he called you that. He hated himself for bringing you pain. And his heart hurt so badly when he thought about the possibility of you pushing him away again. It made him want to hold onto your small, frail body tightly and say "Please, don't leave me! I can't be without you again… Please…"

"If you say so… I still think I should've been more careful, though." You say, still feeling a little nervous and thinking that maybe you had not been the best student when attending to your classes about na'vi behavior and that maybe you didn't pay enough attention to warnings they may have given about being mindful of your surroundings when Dreamwalking 

"I promise it's okay. It was not your fault, yawntu. I'm just good at what I do." His smile clearly showed he was proud of being a good warrior

"Ok, then." You smiled back at him and the both of you laughed a bit.

Suddenly, he stopped smiling and his gaze dropped to your lips, that were not that far from his own lips, if it wasn't for that damn oxygen mask. You felt like he wanted to kiss you. The moment was awkward but in a good way. He could not kiss you with the mask on, so, instead, he smiled at you once again and looked down at the floor, bashful.

You touched his huge, gorgeous face and he looked up at you again "So, about what we were talking about before… Just try to be a little less… upfront about what you feel for me. I mean… sexually. I love that you want me this much because I want you too, Neteyam. A lot, actually. You're… really freaking hot." He smiled, blissful, and his cat-like eyes sparkled as he heard that, his ears perking up. "But you're a bit too much, at times. If you could just tone it down a bit…" Neteyam looked a little ashamed and insecure, so, you rubbed your thumb on his soft skin, to reassure him you still longed for him too "At least while I get used to your na'vi nature, it would be great. Please, try to understand me… It's a whole new world I'm just now discovering. But it doesn't mean I don't love you and don't want you and it doesn't mean you should feel insecure." You smiled gently, showing no teeth. 

Neteyam looked a bit sad again after you finished your sentence and you totally understood why. In his na'vi mind, you were practically rejecting him. That was who he truly was, animalistic and a bit too much to your human standards. He must feel like who he is was not enough or good in your eyes.

"Hey" You cupped his face again "I wanna do something. Just let me take this mask off, first." You wanted to reassure Neteyam of your feelings for him by giving him a kiss.

"Yawne, no! You can't breathe without it. You could die really fast! I'm not gonna let you do it."

"So you don't want a kiss, Neteyam Suli? I thought you'd want it, judging by the way you have been stalking me and by our interaction that night, outside my bedroom's window." You teased him and his face lit up

Neteyam gave you an excited smile. The way his full lips curled up as he quickly pondered about the pros and cons of your offer was so beautiful, almost hypnotizing.

God, you really were in love with that na'vi boy, weren't you? There's no going back now. He's holding your heart in his big, weird but cute, alien hands.

"I guess if we make it quick-"

"Shut up, Neteyam." You interrupted, chuckling playfully "I know you're dying to feel my lips on yours. Just help me take this mask off already." It was a bit hard for you to take the mask off while holding onto his shoulders. You knew he would not let you fall but still you wanted to still feel a bit of control and keep holding onto him too.

Neteyam got surprised by your boldness, since he did not see it coming, and he could only think about how freaking amazing it would feel to finally taste your lips, so, he did as you asked - leaving the mask hanging on your neck by the strap it had - and you rapidly held his big pretty, blue face, brought your lips to his and placed the most tender of kisses there, pressing your mouth against his mouth softly but with so much care, trying to let him feel how much you desired him too. His lips were velvety, warm and so incredibly good to kiss. God, you did not care that you were risking dying from lack of oxygen. You wanted that alien boy so badly.

Neteyam's still tense demeanor soon turned into a calmer one as he kissed you back. His hold on you got tighter as he felt your sweet soft lips on his. He felt so incredibly hungry for you. How could he not be? Your kiss was the most delicious thing he had ever felt in his whole life. You both shared saliva and wet each other's lips with each time your lips parted only slightly and came together again. Your soft skin made him want to squeeze you and never let you go again. Neteyam wanted to cuddle with you, wanted to wrap his tail around your small body in a possessive way to let you know you're his and that he would take care of you, hunt food to feed you and protect you from anything that could ever hurt you.

It was getting harder and harder for him not to lay you on the ground and press his body against your tiny one and make love to you right there but he knew that, thinking rationally, that was not a good idea at all, as the both of you were just outside a laboratory full of humans and you two could easily get caught and be in danger.

Even though Neteyam craved your body insanely, now even more than before, as he was finally feeling you close and tasting your lips, he was trying to take it as slow and gentle as he could because he wanted to respect your limits instead of scaring you away again. He understood you were human and your race acted in a very different way when it came to relationships. He still thought it to be a dumb way to lead things but it was you who was asking him to act differently and he loved you with his whole being. He could not bring himself to say "no" to that request. He knew it would be temporary and you soon would give into the na'vi that lives inside of you when it came to mating too. For you, Neteyam could wait. He knew things would soon change for the better. You were now in his arms, as the two of you kissed. You were no longer afraid of him. That was everything he needed at that moment. Things were already so much better.

Neteyam noticed you were having more and more trouble breathing, so he got worried and quickly put your oxygen mask back on.

You gasped for air and breathed in so much oxygen once you had your mask on that it might have been funny to watch, though Neteyam did not laugh. On the contrary, he seemed way too serious, way too worried about your safety. You wanted him to relax a bit.

"See how much I love you? I risked dying just to give you a kiss." You tried to speak normally but what came out of your mouth was a hoarse whisper instead, as your lungs were still in need of more air. A weak smile was adorning your lips as you struggled but still managed to let out a frail chuckle

"Don't say that, oeyä tawtute, please." Neteyam told you, trying to stay serious but still letting out a chuckle as well

"See the sacrifices I make for you, Neteyam?" You tried to seem mad at him at the beginning, only to start laughing shortly after, now that you finally had enough oxygen in your system to be able to let out an actual laugh, even if it still sounded weaker than your laughing would sound in another situation

He smiled big and teased you "Skxawng." (moron)

"But you love me." You closed your eyes while smiling, full of yourself

"I do." You opened your eyes to look at his face "More than you think, yawntu."

Your heartbeat accelerated intensely and you blushed. Neteyam found your blushed cheeks adorable. He looked at you so intensely, like he was holding the most precious thing in the world in his arms.

Neteyam knew he had just fallen even harder for you now that you both had kissed. He could not wait until he could be alone with you in a safe place and get to explore your body with his hands and kiss you all over. He almost got hard just thinking about that but he tried his hardest to whoosh that away. Neteyam was scared that feeling his bulge would be too much for you at that moment, specially since he knew he was much bigger than the human males you were used to. You might feel uncomfortable because of that difference and the sudden intimate feeling of his hard big cock against you and want to get out of his arms. Neteyam did not want that to happen. He needed you there a bit more, he was not ready to let you stand on your feet yet. And he was so afraid of you not wanting him close anymore, he was so afraid of perhaps ruining what you both had now. It was far too special for him. He could not let his sexual instincts ruin that. The time would come when you would let him in completely, when you would grant him permission to be inside of you and show you how much he craved your pussy, how much you messed with his head and awakened his most intense desires. Until then, he would wait and take baby steps. For you, he was capable of waiting for ages, though he hoped so strongly it would not take long.

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[catyo90]

25. Trying to seduce one another

Could you do this with kili x female reader where kili keeps trying to seduce reader but she finds his attempts absolutely hilarious and he is hopeless at it and he eventually gives up and she's like what we're you even trying to do and he's like seduce you if that wasn't obvious cue more laughing from reader but then she admits that his attempts were unnecessary because she's already in love him ?

Kili x F!Reader: The Art of Seduction...

  (Hope this meets your idea. This was a sweet idea to mess with though this is new to me in a sense. LOL)

 Kili still remembered the first time you met. He'd been having an argument of some sorts with his brother when he caught sight of you from across the training area causing him to become enthralled by your beauty.  He remembered how Fili once he caught sight of you with a small groups of other girls walked over with him and pushed him forward causing him to blush. 

-

Your initial impression was that he was possibly an idiot.  A cute idiot. However, as time passed, you found yourself taking quite a liking to him.  He was actually very thoughtful, brave, and dedicated to his duties, though he wouldn't openly admit it.

What you don't remember is when you finally realized you were in love with him. It seemed that one day you had simply woken up, gotten breakfast, and were waiting, when you found yourself desperately hoping that he'd drop by and visit you before he left with his brother to hunt.  Then, you sort of had an epiphany and realized that you'd been feeling that way for weeks on end. Wasn’t any wonder why?  The man was absolutely charming, amusing, skilled with a blade and even more with a bow.

Too bad he never thought that was how you felt. He always seemed to be on edge around you or at least nervous but you never thought much about it until that day.

-

    He'd been getting ready in his room, putting on his armor with the skill that he’d been building up for years, when he'd heard what sounded like someone knocking on the door but no words were said. Confused, he'd finished dressing and poked his head out, Startled, you'd backed up, when you watched him raise an arm to the doorway with a smile looking down at you and said hello in a deep voice. Instead though it came out a bit broken and awkward, You couldn’t help but giggle and told him he should hurry to get some breakfast before going off for the hunt with his brother.

“So...that was you big idea brother? Just to pose and say hey?”

“Well it works when Uncle Thorin does it...I thought maybe it would work on her.”

“That trick only works for Uncle because of his voice. Your hopeless little brother. I don’t see why you can’t just tell her how you feel.”

“Because I don’t wanna mess it up Fili...If I were to tell her I would want it to be perfect. Besides she deserves to be wooed.”

Fili sighed as he focused preparing for the hunt. Kili though couldn’t help but wonder what to try next when they returned but his mind was drawing a complete blank. Maybe he would do better by just asking you if you would be his. On the way to the gate Kili looked up to see you waiting. A sight he truly was always happy to see, a sight you could look at all his days. Both of them walked over to you seeing you read to join them and smiled as Fili noticed you with a pair of warm ale

“You both needed something to warm you up before we head off for the afternoon.”

“Well, don’t give this one too much he could never handle his drink.” Fili said smacking Kili on the back with a smile. Kili chuckled it off and looked at you.

“You know Y/n there are more ways to stay warm...” He said taking a gulp of the ale and looked down offering the goblet back to you.

“You could always keep me warm.” He said with a wink but you couldn’t help but smile as Fili started laughing. Kili looked so confused as he watched you bring a hand to his mouth wiping off the foam mustache he gained from drinking the ale so fast. He was about to speak.

    "Kili," someone said on the path out into the woods, looking ahead to see his uncle and Dwalin with their bows at their side with a doe flung on Dwalins back. Thorin seemed a bit puzzled and a bit irritated as he looked at both him and Fili.  

"Fili," he said, sounding as though he were gently scolding them pair as if they were children, 

"I thought I'd sent word for you two to scout out the wilds an hour ago.  What are you still doing here?  Surely not bothering y/n and distracting her from her own duties?"      They both shook their heads quickly, eyes flitting down and then back up to their uncle  

"N-no!  Us?  Of course not!  We were just . . . leaving and we were wishing each other good luck  out there, you know?” Fili said quickly trying to hide the goblet of ale behind his back. 

“It's been awfully dangerous with all sorts of nasty goblins and orcs and what not.  A little boost in morale never did anyone harm." Kili said smiling rubbing the back of his head.     Thorin and Dwalin both watched the two to of them for a second in silence.  "Right . . ." Thorin said, slowly drawing out the word, showing his clear skepticism.  

"Well, I'm sure she appreciates it very much.  Now, go do as I've told you, and let her finish getting ready."  He then directed his attention to you. 

"Y/n, head into the wilds to find any signs of survivors from past missions, undamaged supplies, and any more useful ingredients for the healers. Alright?"

"Yes, your highness" you said, nodding your head respectfully.     Thorin nodded in return brining a gentle hand to your shoulder in respect, looking satisfied that at least one of his recruits was serious about their work.  

"Good.  Then I'll leave you to it."  With that, he turned around, pausing to look at Kili and Fili in silence once more and seemed to get the hint and cleared his throat.

"R-right!  I'll just be going on along now."  But Kili turned to you, leaning in slightly close, and he found it difficult not to let a blush overtake him as he caught scent of your sweet fragrance. He wondered if you’d been using something new to wash with, it smelled of honey and ginger making him smile to himself.

 “Y/n” he whispered urgently.  " Maybe you can meet me when you return later this evening behind the tumbled pillar up the stairs next to where the gardens are. Don't tell anyone we're meeting there.  Just say that you're tired and are feeling unwell and are going to return home,-”     "Kili!" Thorin exclaimed, causing him to flinch.     "Alright!  I'm going!  You don't have to sick anyone on me, look!  I'm walking away from the nice lady!" he said, putting up his hands as he backed away before turning and booking it as Fili sighed and smirked toward you at his brothers antics, leaving you to stare off after him in confusion and wonder.

- You had rounded a bend on the trail, around a thick copse of swamp trees and boulders, leaving you to hang back and survey the path behind you again for any signs of being followed.  You were still looking when you heard a snap of some branches ahead of you. When suddenly you heard a familiar voice from above.  "Hey there, Y/n  Nice weather we're having tonight, don't you think?"

"Oh yes, it's incredible.  You should get a load of it from down here."

You couldn’t help but smile as he jumped down from the few boulders and joined next to you. He simply smiled as you as brought your bow over your shoulder as you looked around.

“Where’s Fili?”

“He scouted a few deer nearby, seemed to be alright with me checking up on you.”

“Well luckily no worries on my end. Perhaps we should head back.”     On the walk back, Kili had taken up walking close beside you, and matched your pace.  He was silent now, and you found that surprising.  Normally he was a regular chatter box, but now he was quiet.  Glancing over at him you found his expression to be...nervous?  

While you were distracted by your thoughts, you failed to notice him hesitantly reached out and put a hand on your upper arm.  You looked to him, snapping out of your reverie, and blinked, perking up.  "Hmm?"    "Uh, Y/n?  I...I need to tell you something," he sighed.    "Oh?"  You looked a bit nervously at him, brows furrowing.  Was something wrong?     "Yes," he murmured, and slowed, you too slowed your walk and tilted your head a bit.     "Okay, well, what is it then?"     He took a deep breath.  "Right.  What is it, indeed.  Um, hh-"  He took in a breath, a hand moving to the back of his head.  "How...how do you say these things?" he wondered aloud.  "Y/n" he said after a moment, shyly looking to you.  You nodded, showing him that you were listening still.  He blinked a few more times and took another breath.  "Um, today...I...uh, actually, for awhile now, I . . . I've wanted to tell you . . . something.  Something important." He said as he took one of your hands in his and gently squeezed it. "Yeah?" "Yeah.  You see, I...”

Suddenly the ground began to shake as you both saw that a large herd of deer charged past the two of you and caused you both to hide behind one of the bigger oak trees causing both of you to catch your breath. You both saw and heard Fili running past both of you yelling out to both of you shooting after one of the deer's.

“Sorry about that guys...Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

You looked up at him once the herd had passed by and looked up at him to see that he had covered you with his body in a protective stance.

“Y/n...Are you alright.”

You nodded as you noticed all the loose leaves on him had gotten stuck in his hair. He looked down at you and saw you smiling for a moment before laughing hard at the sight and sighed as he brought a hand up to hair in slight annoyance.

“Oh for Mahals sake I give up.” Shaking off the leaves from his hair. As he groaned to himself crossing his arms.

“Wait...wait Kili. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to laugh. What were you trying to do?”

“Seduce you Y/n. I’ve been trying for days now but you never seem to catch on...I mean all I wanted to do was to show how much I love you.”

You were completely speechless.  You almost couldn't process anything that you just heard--it was all too good to be true!  This man, this wonderful, amazing, god of a man actually felt for you the way you felt for him. Kili seemed to be put off by your silent awe, and winced a little.  

"I... said something wrong, didn't I?"  He sighed, looking cross with himself.  "I am so stupid.  What right have I to honestly believe that someone like you would actually feel anything for someone like me?"     He started to turn away when, before you could think about what you were doing, you grabbed his arm and pulled him toward you.  His eyes went wide and he was about to ask what you were doing, when you surprised the both of you by kissing him on the lips.  He went rigid, turning brighter red than before, now matching your own blazing blush, and slowly let his eyes close.  Tilting his head, he put a hand behind your neck, keeping you close to him as you both shared a delightful moment of blissful affection.     When you both broke the kiss for air, you found him gazing into your eyes softly, smiling gently.  

"Y/n.  How long have you been wanting to do that?"

You laughed breathlessly.  "Probably as long as you."

He chuckled back, You glanced up at him again, and found him gazing back at you, eyes half-lidded.  

"Y/n/ I suppose I'm right to assume that you . . . "    "That I feel the same?  Yes. You are."  You grinned, voice lowered.  "I love you, Kili. I always have.

He smiled as he brought his forehead to yours taking a deep breath as you looked up at him and asked.

“I guess none of the failed seductions were really required huh? “ You said with a smirk

    "Yes," he admitted, embarrassed.  "And only now have I realized how stupid that was of me.”

    You were overtaken by another fit of laughter and shook your head. You started to walk away from him and turned around and smiled

 "You adorable, handsome fool." you said winking to him as you walked ahead.     "Hey." he called from behind you.  "You're leaving out ruggedly good-looking and luckier than every other dwarf alive to be loved by you!" he said running after you as you laughed as he followed after you into the sunset. Into another day together. 

[normalcannibalism]

evgf, mostly trying to figure out how to draw the edgy whore of babylon form

uh. im gonna put more stuff under the cut i guess? iunno, au/headcanon stuffff

ok so, eve. eve is my favourite character in tboi so she's probably one of the most developed in my au, maybe even the most. lol

some basic info, her pronouns are she/her. she's a trans girl, she's around 16 years old and she's goth. emo? i imagine that she's an emo but it's the time where that term wasn't really popular so she calls herself goth. like ebony from my immortal, y'know? she's not as. girlboss though. she's very chill, calm. she's not easily annoyed at all, she's very patient infact! she's one of the older kids in the basement, so it's kinda needed she feels. she doesn't talk to others much, mostly keeps to herself. she can talk to others if needed though.

the reason why she doesn't really talk to others is just because she doesn't really want people knowing about her demon form cuz she's worried it'll freak people out and also because the WoB is very well known for being incredibly violent! fun. her WoB design is inspired by tentacled snakes, not too sure how well i did that tho…. here's a pic of one tho. they're silly little guys

the reason why i chose this creature to base my WoB design off is because 1) they're very silly and i like them and 2) in my au, eve spent most of her childhood in downpour! rainmaker is basically her father figure. she only left downpour recently, to try and figure out more about the other places. there's some important backstory stuff there but i don't really wanna say that rn

dead bird is a literal dead bird. he does move and talk somehow tho. he doesn't really have preferred pronouns because he's a bird but he mostly gets called he, so i guess use those! he is the only thing that eve stays around, mostly just because he won't fucking leave. she only met him recently, after leaving downpour. first thing that happened is that he flew into her face and now they're friends, yay! he's also aware of the fact that she is the WoB but. he doesn't care (fun fact dead bird was actually killed by her a long ass time ago but neither of them remember). his design will probably change? iunno, birds are super difficult for me to draw for some reason… i owned birds for ages but for some reason i do not understand the bird anatomy :(

that's all i have to say for now, hopefully this was fun to read? or something? i'm sorry if anything was difficult to understand, i am bad at wording

[nukenai]

Today on "I guess if you wanna hear about my fuckin Build Divers fanfic"

So I have a Force Nest by myself and it's just Lacroa Castle because I'm the world's most special girl. For unknown reasons I've become favored by the Game Master so he just gives me stuff. My outfit is like I'm cosplaying a human Zero and my main gunpla is my uncustomized GP04.

I used to be on Force Avalon but I quit because Kyoya and I were dating but I broke up with him because depression is a bitch and I got sick of the pressure of being The Champion's Girlfriend. He is not over it.

I am depressed and sad because I love SD Gundam Force so much but all my friends who liked it all left and stopped caring about it and/or don't play GBN. So yes of course I have a borderline identical backstory to Koichi and Ayame lol. We're all #damaged but will be healed by friendship it's fine.

The Game Master sends the Build Divers to be my friends bc he's worried about me. Koichi is like "Wow, the GP04, I have one!" and Ayame extremely quickly catches on that I have a Fucking Problem and is like "well you don't need to be sad because look, he has his white colors" and everyone else on the planet is like "????????????" and I kick them out when Ayame jokingly asks if I'm trying to be a Princess or a Knight.

Later Koichi tries to learn more about SDGF and when he realizes what my outfit is, he says to me, "Your clothes are nice, but wouldn't you rather dress like yourself instead of someone else?"

Later I wind up changing my outfit when Kyoya calls me for the 90th time that week to beg me to unbreak up with him join the Coalition of Volunteers to help with all the (vague gesturing) yknow, the shit.

The shit. There I am gary:

I'm ignoring that that GP04 uses the colors from that one art of it instead of the Real Colors.... in my fanfic it has the Real Colors.

Anyways I figure there's some point where Kyoya starts noticing Koichi trying to learn about SD Gundam (he even builds me an SD Wing to try to win my affection friendship) so Kyoya does this insane thing where he attacks Koichi (like, you know, in Gundams) to draw me out and I show up in my GP04 and fucking beat his ass and he's like ":) it's good to see you fighting again" and logs out like a fucking freak

Eventually I start using other things besides my GP04 like my BuCue Chevalier and LaGowe Rachat (real gunpla I have built/customized check out my gunpla tag). Thinking maybe I'll have my Sakura Freedom eventually too.

Yeah so my entire thing is that I'm depressed that GBN has so much SDGF stuff but nobody seems to care about the show so all the fucking Build Divers watch it at Ayame's house and then Koichi shows up to my castle again saying things like "I know how you feel, but you have to trust me!" And when I respond "Why should I trust you?" he interjects with, "Are you going to say, You know nothing of my misery?" and then my GP04 steps on him and kills him in real life

but I become very good friends with Ayame because of course I do. I ask her with deep suspicion why her gundam is named Zeromaru. She refuses to answer the question.

I fucking rock Kokoru Odoru at karaoke and everyone is confused. I meet Magee and I am extremely startled when he opens his mouth and then the world collapses. The end.

Kyoya dies single.

[v3nusxsky]

Heyy, how are you doing?

Just wanna say i really love your fics, thank you sm for writing them!

So i was thinking, if you thought it a cool ideia, a Lady Lesso x Reader one inspired by Reinaeiry and Chloe Breez's cover of In a Crowd of Thousands.

Something like, R once attended the school and R and Leonora were obviously in love lol, but then R left and they never met again, kinda forgetting a bit about each other's faces but still remembering how they felt back then.

Until R becomes a teacher at the school and they meet once again, not recognizing the other at first, but then slowly realizing and remebering.

Sorry if it's a dumb idea lol. Feel totally free to ignore this, have an amazing week and i hope you're doing okay! ❤️

(also, sorry for my english)

Memories fade but feelings don’t die

*Authors note~ so I'm not really familiar with the song (however I listened to it while writing this and I have to say I'm in love) but I wanted to give this my best shot. I hope it's okay*

Trigger warnings~ none?

Prompt ~ see ask^^^^

You still think of your time at the School for Good and Evil. How everyone cheered for the special reader, the reader who seemed to be extremely gifted, as a younger Never you would stand in the crowds of thousands. That fateful day you managed to somehow catch her eye, and you embraced a love with her like no other. Her regal like stance, her firey hair and her unforgettable personality all caught your attention and for her it was your determination and the ability to draw attention to yourself to get her to notice you. The way you called for her in the crowd of thousands would always stick in her heart. Until the day you were unfortunately pulled from the school without even saying goodbye.

Years went by, years of no contact with the girl your heart still knew but your mind had lost touch with. One day you hoped to find her, maybe in the crowd of thousands just like before. You made your way back to the school this time as a teacher. Finally feeling as though you were where you needed to be.

You were introduced as a staff member for the newly merged school, that was definitely unexpected to see good and evil side by side. Nevers and Evers crammed into the meeting hall, the two deans standing upon the stage ready to begin the school year. The dean of evil was certainly striking, but for some reason it felt more than that, you felt like you knew those eyes. Your memory was hazy due to an accident you'd had while working in your parents guard, so if you knew her before, your mind didn't recognise her now.

For months, you settled into new routines and adjusted to life as a teacher. You seemed to have a lot of dealing with the Dean of Evil, the feeling you knew her before never left you but as much as you tried you couldn't work it out. So when she suggested you sit in on one her lessons, you did so willingly hoping to find more answers.

The lesson was sparring much like the younger Leonora had done years ago, you stood in the crowd of students admiring her teaching skill. You couldn't help but feel this was all too familiar, like it had happened before. When Leonora used a familiar move to spar, you couldn't help but move through the crowds of students to get closer. You called for her, the name only you knew. The recognition flashed over her features as she dismissed her class early.

As soon as it was just the two of you, you knelt much like you'd done years before, "Nora! I remember now" you whispered still not quite believing it. "I knew you would doll, memories fade but feelings don't" she reassured extending her hand to help you stand. "I knew when I saw you in the crowd on your very first day, but I know you had an accident and memories were a struggle, it's why I spent so much time with you just waiting for the day you'd be reminded of how we met" her confession made tears spring to your eyes. She remembered, after all these years she remembered. You shared a sweet kiss before throwing yourself into her awaiting arms, "that day in the crowd of thousands, you noticed me and you've done it again. My heart is yours Nora for as long as you recognise it." She smiled and kissed your head, "and mine is yours little dove. My feelings for you will never die." She reassured before coming to look in your eyes, pads of her thumbs wiping away your falling tears. You'd found each other again and now you wouldn't let go.

Word count~ 821

[purplerose244]

Watched the sixth episode of LEGO DreamZzz: LOVED IT!

So... LEGO released some drawing tutorials with Mateo and I just... they're so pure I wanna hug him 😭😭😭 They're super adorable, I love especially Z-Blob's since he spends the entire time talking about how great his slime buddy is and MOOD MAT MOOD 💚💚💚

We're beyond halfway, I'm kinda sad but I'll wait until the end, maybe we got luck for a season 2?

Here we go!

THE ANOMALY

NOTHING BETTER HAPPEN TO Z-BLOB DO NOT HARM THE BLOB 😡

Pff, what was the chicken story? 🤣

Zoey is still a bit distant, I can't tell if she wants to join in or she likes these people enough to just hang around. I mean, she wasn't there last episode...

Did Logan drop the "Mattie" nick? It felt very derogatory so him switching to Teo feels like a step forward

IS THIS A COOPER EPISODE?? OH YES PLEASE GIVE ME THE DEPTH! ❤️

I knew it, he is stressed! Poor boy got stuff to do and can't even have breakfast, Coop please take care of yourself and have some proteins first thing in the morning 😢

You'll have all the time you want to have breakdowns once you reach high school

It seems like Cooper is the reliable one, Mateo and Logan are constantly over him asking for stuff. I wonder if they also affected his stress as well...

Okay Logan is still mean 😅 He's better, but still mean, and he changed teams permanently? I don't know if this is a "we're not an actual team, only in the Dream World" or a "we'll always be a dream, even if we're not in the real world"... mm

Finally we see the Night Bureau! We saw it only once before... while Teo was almost turning into a night terror... ah such good untraumatic memories 🙂

Ah, so Z is an anomaly? Come to think of it, did he come across because of Lunia's hourglass? Was there another reason?

These objects are histerical 😂😂

CHICKEN MATEO NOOO 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Okay, I'm liking this consistent trend of having Zoey being the most useful character despite being on her own, she just waltzed in solving that riddle lol

Agent... Strick? Oh-oh

DO NOT EVEN TRY TO TAKE AWAY MY SLIME BABY Z-BLOB 😡😡😡

Oooohhhh, so this is confirmed to be Brooklyn? Cool, I didn't know it was an actual place! Again I'm too used to imaginary places like Ninjago or Chima 😂

This gal is intense, dude you locked Oz in a room, isn't that a bit much? Should we call the policr?

Zoey is just there for the drama, girl are you with us or not? 😂😂

Did... did that detect thing turn red when it was on Mateo? Was it only because Z-Blob was behind? Huh... huh

SHE FLIPPING TURNED INTO A BABY/WOMAN WHAT IS HAPPENING

Z-Blob floating has to be the cutest thing even, like, look at that little guy go! To infinity and beyond 💚

NO WAIT NOT BEYOND THE WINDOW

I see how it's going 😅😅

I'm so sorry I understimated Cooper, look at him! He's just a kid and he really wants to be up to expectations, and now we got a brother that sets the example? Dude I'm eating this, I'm a sucker for angst, LOOK AT THIS BOY HE NEEDS A BREAK 😭😭😭

Z-BLOB SHENANIGANS Z-BLOB SHENANIGANS Z-BLOB SHENANIGANS Z-BLOB SHENANIGANS 💚💚💚

You did not make a hotdog out of slime

YOU DID NOT MAKE A Z-BLOB BALOON WHAT IS THIS SLIME DOING???

Is he afraid of being captured? I've never seen him going this awol before, he's always besides Mateo no matter what! Is he only scared or is there a reason?

Dude Cooper was so stressed he forgot breakfast!!! EAT BABY EAT!!!

Okay baby Strick is kinda hilarious... and Oz is on the ceiling... and there is still junk everywhere... and where is Albert? WHAT IS HAPPENING PEOPLE?!

Cooper you left for half a day, and now everything is on fire 😅

LOOK AT HIM IGNORING HIS BROTHER TO CHECK ON HIS FRIEND 🥹🥹🥹

I👏LOVE👏TEO👏AS👏A👏NICK👏

Cooper skyrocketed on my appreciation list in this episode, his backstory got so much potential for analysis! He's such a good friend, he's just very stressed out but he's super capable!!! ❤️

MATEO IDEA TIME 💚💚💚

Was that the superman line? 🤣

Aaaand, we're back! Are we fixing everything now that Coop is here?

Oh wow we actually are! I adore mechanics, I was all over them in Ninjago (Jay and Nya and Zane and Pixal and Ronin and Cyrus... there are so many in Ninjago 🥰), so this is so cool to see!

Agent Strick approves Cooper! YAS!

Oohh, so Zoey was maybe interested in joining, but never could before? Is this why she was a bit snarky in this episode, maybe she wanted to join but could never physically? That's kinda adorable 😂😂

PARTY TIME EVERYONE💃💃💃

COOPER GOT A SMALL HAIRCUT CHANGE I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! ❤️

Alright this was another really REALLY good episode, but... now I'm stuck with the crazy theory that Mateo is the anomaly 🤣

I'm sure I'm wrong and I'm just blowing this out of proportion, but what if Strict examined that plant and found traces of Z AND Mateo? What if Lunia's hourglass was found by him for a reason?

She said that the anomaly appeared "the other night" so it was clearly Z Blob... but technically the other night was when the show started for me, so I might see this as Mateo appearing in this world for the first time. Could it be he fit in in one night, everyone's memories were changed to accept that, and no one questions this?

... I know this just me headcanoning left and right and it's clearly not gonna happen

... I'M STILL GONNA WRITE FICS ABOUT THIS OKAY 🤩🤩🤩 THIS EPISODE WAS SO GOOD I'M SO INSPIRED!!!!

[wolfsune09]

what gear do your OCs use? asking for... research purposes..... ✍️👀

I LOVE YOU

*down to send reference images for anything. Wanna see wolf with a bun hairstyle? Gotcha. Milo no glasses, got it

Strikethrough means old info

Keep in mind I came up with these guys in splatoon 2!

☆Wolfsune_9, nick: Wolf, Rank: Wolf Pack's team leader

Species: Inkling

Ink color: Aqua fade to dark blue

Eye color: Dark blue (R)/ aqua (L)

Hair: Splatoon 2 boy basic haircut Half braid(short, 3-4 braid bubbles(braid)) on right side, scrappy cut on right side. Crooked bangs, 2 little pieces stick out on top of the head.

Wears their hair in a bun casually, like if they're at home.

Skin tone: Pale af jfc

Headgear: gasmask, (if it isnt hidden or too busy in that area of the drawing->) GOLDEN TOOTHPICK(left ear)+eminence cuff(same ear), fake contacts, Studio headphones

Top: zekko hoodie

Bottoms: shorts

Shoes: Mint dakroniks, Arrow pull-ons

Weapons: Carbon Roller Deco, Kensa Octobrush, Flingza Roller, Splat roller, Slosher

Pronouns: they/them

Sexuality: Pan, demi

Height: 5'2

Bday: Feb 16

Extra: age 17, lvl 95, Rank S+9 in splat zones, S+3 tower control, S+0 in rainmaker and S+1 in clam blitz

Fav setup: splatzones, blackbelly skatepark, arowana mall, ancho-v games

Salmon Run: loves salmon run, profreshional 150, eggxecutive

Fav manga character: Mask

Most like: Mask, Aloha, Skull. Depends on the mood. Extroverted Introvert

Peircings: eminence cuff upper left ear, 3 lobes each ear. Bottom lobes are upside own hearts, left one is dark blue, other is cyan. Others are whichever (dark blue/cyan/black)

Others: Scars: left brow, under right eye, left chin. Often drawn with a 2D crown hovering above head. Center of crown has upsideown blue heart. Droopy eyes. Left ear has a big cut

Personality: chill, cool, an artist. Can get excited over things they're a fan of ex. Mask lol

☆Leo

-inkling

-Dark blue, aqua (only when teamed with squad)

-grey eyes

-side cut

-tan

-pilot goggles/fake contacts (If i don't feel like drawing the goggles haha)

-black / grey hoodie

-shorts

-black dakroniks, black seahorses, black & blue squidkid IV, black trainers

-Dapple dualies nouveau

-Male, he

-poly? Boys, gals, non-binairy and gender fluid

-5'5

-Feb 29

-age 16, lvl 63, rank S+ in tower control, S in splatzones and rainmaker, A in clam blitz

-tower control, ancho-v games

-likes salmon run, overachiever

-aloha, gloves

-gloves

-confident, flirty, rarely loses but salty, gamer

-thick gold cuff on left lobe, often wears of rings

-big round sharp eyes

☆Milo nick: big bro Milo!!

-Inkling

-spiky hair

-green, aqua

-green,

-is pale but actually gets out in the sun unlike SOMEONE wolf

-freckles!!!!!!!!

-tinted shades, fake contacts. Hes got bad vision

-Olive Zekko hoodie

-baggy shorts

-arrow pull ons, purple-hi-horses

-ballpoint splatling- heavy splatling

-male/he

-Ace. Would rather focus on so called family first(the team)

-6'2

-To be decided

-age 18, lvl 82, rank S+ in splatzones and tower control, S in rainmaker and A+ in clam blitz

-splatzones, the reef

-thinks salmon run is cool, profreshional 100

-aviator, rider

-aviator, prince, goggles

-laid back, will mot be quiet, strong, don't mess with him, the big bro of the team

-Big round soft eyes

☆Natasha , nick: 'Tasha (more common)

-inkling

-cut basic girl hair

-purple, aqua

-Purple eyes

-Dark skin

-annaki facemask, paisley bandana(splat 1)

-takoroka nylon vintage

-leggins

-neo octoling boots

-E-liter 4k, kensa splat charger

-female, she

-lesbian, ace

-5'11

-November 24th

-age 17, lvl 87, Rank S+ in splatzones, S in tower control and rainmaker and A+ in clam blitz

-splatzones, moray towers

-likes salmon run profreshional 80

-skull, n-pacer

-skull

-chill, badass

-3 peircings each lobe - purple, cyan, purple for both ears, spider bites

-thin, sharp eyes

-two vertical scars on left side of lips shhhhh. We don't talk about that, she doesn't like it.

Name: ANDREA!! My crazy girl

-Salmonling/Inkling

-Orange (bit of red)

-orange/red, yellow scalera eyes

-long side cut

-tan-dark

-grizzco hat (worker's cap)

-office attire?? Messy tie

-ripped leggins

-angry rain boots????

-loves the grizzco blaster but if she ever did play turf, E-liter 4K

-She/they/it

-6'3

-October 28

-age 21, lvl 73 (only from grizzco) ranks n/a

-hazard level max is fun, salmonoid smoke yard

-Omega

-X-blood

-harsh on teammates, does her best to not scare off new recruits tho. Not afraid to swear like a sailor.

-thin sharp eyes

Twin Devils:

□Travis: nick: Trav

-octoling

-blue, purple w/Marx

-blue

-unique octo, hair goes forward

-tan-dark

-headgear

-top

-pants

-shoes

-Octobrush

-male he/him

-ace, doesn't care about any relationships

-5'7

-May 25

-17, 86, S+

-Tower control

-profreshional

-Souya kawata, Vintage sorta

-doesn't care

-Stoic, scary

-spider bites (rings?) Right side, hourglass earrings

■Marx

-octoling

-blue, purple w/Trav

-blue

-unique octo, hair goes backwards

-tan-dark

-headgear

-top

-pants

-shoes

-Nautilus 47

-male he/him

-ace, doesn't care about any relationships

-5'7

-May 25

-17, 86, S+

-Tower control

-profreshional

-Nahoya kawata, double egg sorta

-doesn't care

-spider bites (rings) left side, hourglass earrings

-Scary. He may seem approachable and he sure as hell will pretend to be for fans, but don't even bother on the battlefield.

-They always support eachother in battle, they don't even have to communicate, but Marx likes to talk just to fuck up the opponents

-Just about unstoppable when paired up, but they hate their teammates and often refuse to acknowledge them. It has happened that they've bullied their teammates out of a team so that they can play at their best

-Don't do turf, just ranked

-Private battles are often being challenged, and they only do 2v4s. They haven't lost once.

☆Gabriel, nick: gab, gabby rank: aqua tm 3.5

-Octoling

-curly hairstyle

-pink, aqua

-pink eyes

-tan-dark

-fishfry biscuit bandana

-black tee

-leggins calves

-blue slip-ons

-octoshot replica

-Male, he

-straight, ally

-5'0

-To be decided

-age 16, lvl 21, B+ in splatzones and rainmaker, B in tower control and C+ in clam blitz

-Rainmaker,

-dosen't do salmon run, apprentice

-prince, goggles

-prince, goggles

-super shy, cute, nervous

-scars cover arms from octo army

I haven't come up with lots for him yet

[sheila--e]

2am. Lets rate la squadra.

n1 is Risotto, personally I find his design extremely pleasing to look at both anime and manga wise, his ability more iconic than the bad it references, himself more iconic than risotto the food (because when I go to the supermarket and see risotto I think of him) and his fight extremely cathartic at the time (now u see me liking Doppio but back when I fucking hated him, so seeing him get his ass beat was awesome and left an impression.)

2 is Ghiaccio, his design is silly and I like it (big fan of his glasses), I LOVE that his stand is a fursuit and I love more that he's a perpetual motion machine fueled by deeply rooted anger issues, we should all love him more because he made dear Giovanna drive his car straight to a frozen lake like a fucking idiot. My biggest complaints is that we didn't see more of him, frankly... he also should've had waves.

3 would be(even tho I normally rate him the lowest out of principle) Illuso. What can I say about him? Not only do I wanna twirl his gorgeous brown pigtails and call him my beautiful queen but I also wanna hit him with wet cables; he truly is multifaceted. His fight with Abbachio was unforgettable in that it was almost straight up gay porn, man in the mirror also looks like a cute little flight captain bird and I think that's silly. This man is gorgeous and should've been at the club and not the mafia killing little autistic girls' big sisters.

4 is surprisingly Pesci! Idk, I just always felt bad about him and I think he deserves at least 4th place. I think that Araki wanted to draw a fat person properly with him but he didn't know how to do a double chin and ended up fucking it up badly as usual, and we got... whatever he is. His stand has a cute name, as a remark.

5th is Prostitute, better known as Prosciutto, who I frankly forgot about until halfway through writing this. You may crucify me over this but I thought he was kinda cute when he old man'd himself tbh. Idk I don't rlly have a lot to say about him except for the fact that I like old men and his ability is to make people old... he was very mean when he didn't have to be, like bro Pesci is already going thru enough by having nowhere where his face ends and neck starts, u don't have to do this shit to him...

n6 is Formaggio, I think he was too run of the mill for me, he was good as introduction and to get Nara to blow the city up but not for anything else. He's named after cheese and his ability is called Little Feet so he always made me feel a tad uncomfortable, plus his cut is ugly (tho I can say that about many of these other dudes too lol)

number 7 and last is Melone, not bc I have anything against him but because 1 his fight barely included him and 2 the most notable thing he did was get killed. I only remember the Babyface fight cuz Giorno was getting killed and Nara went hehe he's waving at us ^___^ Also atm I didn't rlly think much of it but he's kinda weird y'all r right, like not even in the good way...

Sorbet and Gelato R not included cuz we knew jack about them. Araki just wanted to bury some gays and he made them up ig... they're ok if I have to rate them, notably I did do the soyjak face when I was watching American Psycho and Patrick said Gelato... like that's one half of the JoJo guys my mutual in law likes..

[cinnamonroll999]

PURPLE KISS

A GUIDE TO PURPLE KISS

Here are three of their most amazing songs that summarize their sound and vibe.

Zombie: It's their most popular song for a reason. One of those songs that everyone falls in love with after first listen. I learned the choreography and it's so fun!

The song is such a bop and just makes you want to dance. The concept is cute, funny and quirky. I also like the lyrics. They show that you can be adorable and feminine without "falling into a guy's arms".

Can We Talk Again: God damn does this hit hard. The song is slow and beautiful, but so, so sad. They put so much emotion in their voices. If you close your eyes and listen to every word they draw out, I swear you'll be dead, in a good way. It feels like a knife being excruciatingly twisted in your stomach, but it's addicting.

I have never seen rap be slipped in so smoothly in a Vocal song before. And the instrumental is like descending to heaven. Their most recent Title Track, Sweet Juice, has a similar vibe.

Oh, and it's a pre-debut song.

(Btw, don't be put off by subtitles, lol. Most of their content has subtitles.)

MemeM: A lot of people hate this song. Let me rephrase. Most people hate this song. This song is very experimental. The repetitive lyrics may seem senseless and be a turn-off, but this song hits hard, especially that last chorus.

It may come off as too girl crush to some, but it really shows Purple Kiss's versatility. The Vocals, Rap, Choreography, Visuals are all top-tier.

Most people don't like this song, but I don't want to hide any side of Purple Kiss. In case you don't like it (which is completely fine. You don't need to like every song of a group to stan them), it's their only experimental song, and here is a b-side on the same album that rocks.

Purple Kiss is a self-producing 6-member girl group that debuted in 2021 under RBW Entertainment, Mamamoo's company.

They originally had 7 members, but Jieun left the group in November of 2022 due to health reasons.

Goeun (leader, center) and Swan (maknae) are the group's main vocalists. If you heard MemeM, you could guess from that high note and belting that they are quite talented. One listen and it speaks for itself.

Yuki is the main rapper and the second most credited 4th Gen Female Rapper, after Soyeon of G-IDLE. Unlike many kpop songs where the rap is just thrown in for the sake of it, her raps are delivered very smoothly). Her voice is recognizable and...swaggy? It's suitable for a rapper.

Ireh and Dosie are the main dancers. Ireh has a fun little cover of Maniac

Despite not knowing the choreography or practicing it properly, she matches the vibe of the song and her movement is well-delivered and sharp.

Dosie is a great dancer, you can tell from watching her in Ponzona. Maybe it's because the song requires it, but I'm in love with her footwork in Sweet Juice era.

She does it a little bit, but most of the time she doesn't "stutter" much in getting to her position. It's detailed and comes to her naturally. She has the best expressions. During, before and after the performance. Seriously, you should check out her ending fairy in their Ponzona Debut Stage and her little smile in the beginning of the fan cam I gave.

Chaein is sort of an all-rounder. She holds the lead vocal, dance and rap positions in the group, and I believe she lives up to it. I can't link all of it here, but once you see her with all her skills in action, you'll be convinced too.

Tune in to see their latest comeback:

If you wanna convince anyone else to stan purple kiss, feel free to send them this.

[dimonds456]

@gmanwhore @the-sleepiest-melon @doodle-girl

I have been Enabled...

SO! First off, some general content warnings for Pathologic and the thing I wanna do (I can't think of anything for SLARPG off the top of my head). There will be discussions of death and mortality, illness, disease, medicine/pills, brief talk of addiction, and Society™. Major death warning, too. If we're good with all that, then here we go.

EDIT: OH ALSO OMORI THAT ONE TOO. No major spoilers (I'm only 3 hours in meself and taking my time, so I am not far at all), but yeah. Fun times.

EDIT EDIT: And also Fallout! Wow there's a lot of inspirations for this lol

EDIT EDIT EDIT: oh god this post is so long holy fuck. And I feel like I left out a lot, and I wanna draw concept art for this. Fuck.

As a quick rundown, I wanted to take the 8 chokeholds Pathologic constantly has on you /ref and combine it with the fun RPG-style of SLARPG. SLARPG isn't specific, I just wanted to think of a fun RPG as an example and that was the first one to come to mind. It has Frog Ball in it, it's perfect in every way and there are Lesbians. What's not to love?

Pathologic is... complicated. The game has 3 routes you can take, with the third only being available after you beat at least one other run first. The game puts you in a rural town. You play as a doctor, and have to keep your Bound from getting sick over the 12 days you're in the town for. The whole day is timed (2 hours per day, I believe?) with tasks to do each day and sidequests you can do if you choose to.

The game is also constantly killing you the whole time :). Pathologic is NOT fun to play, and DO NOT go buy it, but at the same time, it's a masterpiece. If you wanna know more, HBomberGuy has a really good video on the subject. But the bit I wanna focus on are all the status effects you have to keep up with: Health, Immunity, Reputation, Hunger, Exhaustion, Infection, and a couple special ones that pop up here and there. It's awful.

Put a pin in that. For the RPG element (and overall tone) I want it to be similar to SLARPG. Artstyle to, that game is so pretty.

OKAY BACKSTORY OVER LETS GO

The idea I had for the game is simple on the surface- it's an RPG where you have to survive the end of the world. The overall tone is gonna be similar to the first couple hours of Omori (PLEASE NO SPOILERS). From what I remember, it all starts vague, then becomes cheery and happy as you find your friends, then it goes to fucking terrifying, then back to happy again. It's like that, but less narrative.

The kicker here is that you're playing as a chronically ill disabled character. They have graves disease, and you have to keep yourself alive while running on fewer and fewer medications. Since we're in the apocalypse, there are a few ways to get more, but they're all dangerous, risky, and the pills you need may not even be there.

The status effects you have to deal with are Health, Hunger, Stability, Graves, Exhaustion, Brightness, and Heat. I am purely drawing from personal experience here (and is a huge part of why I wanna make this so badly, but we're getting ahead of ourselves), but if someone with Graves were to try and make it in an end-of-the-world scenario, it would be HARD AS HELL.

The game is difficult, but also a message about disabled people. Like, the character is usually fine to walk, but on a dice's throw, they could wake up one day and suck at walking, so having some kind of mobility aid (which can be upgraded over time) would help a lot. You don't need it, but if your Stability bar is really low, your character is a lot more prone to falling over if they're not leaning on something.

Let's go down the line.

HEALTH: Your HP. HUNGER: How hungry you are. Affects other stats. STABILITY: How good your balance is. Goes up or down with Hunger and Graves. GRAVES: How often you've taken meds to deal with your illness. If this goes all the way down, the game does not end, but your health will decline and your other stats like Stability and Hunger will continuously keep going down at faster rates until you die. The game ends that way. EXHAUSTION: How tired your character is, goes down faster without meds. BRIGHTNESS: If you're out in the sunlight for too long, your character will get slower and slower. Depending on how high the Graves stat is, this rate will speed up. Meds help. HEAT: How hot it is outside will absolutely torture your character. You have to find ways to cool them down to keep them going.

Managing these while also staying alive in a wasteland is hard, but becomes harder and harder as the days drag on and you start to run out of pills. At first, it's fine. If you forget to take your meds, it's no big deal. Your character starts to be harder to control, and you remember and then you take them. It doesn't slow you down for long.

But then you realize. On around ~day 5, you realize that you're quickly running out. That's the thing about doses: you think you have more than you actually do. So, without a single hint at where you could potentially get more meds, now is the time to panic.

Pills can be collected from hospitals (which are guarded), abandoned houses (this is rare), and from black market drug dealers, who are selling your drug without fully realizing what it is. You can also find people just downing them, but they won't give you the pills and if the player kills these people, the open bottles spill on the ground.

I want it to be open world, while also having an intended path for players to follow. All the landmarks don't move, and a new player could wander off into the desert to the final area if they really wanted to (though there would be signs telling them not to do that just yet, but they can ignore these if they so choose).

Now, being disabled leaves this character at a disadvantage already, and as the game goes on, the player must come to accept that some tasks and sidequests simply are not realistic to pull off, as the costs severely outweigh the benefits. Since the more exhausted you are, the faster your Graves drains, and you really start to run out of meds later in the game, you have to pick and choose which quests you realistically can do without exhausting yourself too much.

For example: it's Day 26 and you hear about a large hoarde of food just past a territory full of hostile enemies. The hoarde is being guarded by the rival group you have out here, and if you can steal that from them , then your group will be set for weeks. Now, you can choose to go get that and fight your way there and back, or you can... not. Your Graves is at 34/100, and you only have two pills left. Do you go get the food, or do you stay behind and try to find more meds for yourself?

So naturally, this is a social game as well. You can build relationships with different people in your clan, and depending on your social standing with them, they will either want to help you or not. If you can make friends with most of or all of your clan, then they may want to do that previously mentioned quest FOR you! You'd still have the food, but your friends will have gotten it for you!

This part is going to tie into the moral, too, since I have thought ahead about morals and themes. There is a fine line between "asking for help" and "I sit upon a throne over ye," or something like "Disabled people CAN do things on their own, but they either do know or need to know their own limitations" and "you, henchman, go fetcheth me my goblet of water. it's across the room and i don't feel like getting up." You should be able to do things yourself, but also know when to call it quits for the day. You can ask for help, but it can't be for every other task (at least not from one person). And, favors should be returned to some capacity. Not necessarily in labor, but in small acts of kindness or money or something (though money is. fucking useless out here).

Finding a good balance between taking care of yourself, of others, and helping out around the camp will be huge. If you can get that right, and continuously find a good stream of pill bottles, then you should turn out okay!

Returning to the previous example of there being a huge stash of food somewhere, you can either go get it yourself, or- if you're on good standing with the rest of your clan- they can go get it and bring it back to you. A favor in return, then, could be treating wounds or cooking the food once they get back. Still pulling your weight, important jobs, and tasks your character can do without loosing too much exhaustion.

As for the end of the game, I'm still thinking. Graves disease IRL can be cured if you catch it early enough, but I don't wanna go that direction. I'm gonna be stuck with it, and most chronic disabilities don't go away with some kind of elixir. Stars i wish. Instead, I am currently thinking about there being two or three endings, depending on your standing with your clan.

First of all, survive for as long as you can. There is a limited amount of pill bottles in the wasteland, so once you find them all, you find them all. That's it. At that point, you have a few days left before your health completely drops. If you have a positive relationship with your clan, then there may be a memorial to you when you pass. If not, no one will really care, there's death every day out here.

Once you get to a certain point, you will have a crossroads. Your Graves bar will be low, only a few or no pills left, and you KNOW you're going to die soon if you're not careful. There are four paths: go on a heist to help your Clan get back something stolen from them, go up to the mountains to look for a remedy that was RUMORED to be able to help, stay behind in camp and wait for them to come back so you can help tend their wounds or cook food if need be, or- since the entire clan will be out- you can steal supplies and leave with them.

Now, that last option is- in my opinion- stupid. You are GOING to die soon, and you can steal things, but you're not gonna have them for very long before you're gone. Might be enough of a reason for some people, honestly, and if I were to think about this more, I might put up some more "impossible choice"-y elements to that decision, but you're the only one who has this disease in this clan. So as the game is laid out right now, stealing just wouldn't make a lot of sense.

If you go on the heist, you'll likely not make the trip back. You'll pass on the way home, and be herald as a hero, but with a tragic undertone. You didn't have to go here, and now your death may have help them survive for a few more days, but at the cost of your own life, when you could have stayed behind to prolong your life and help in other ways. With the heist successful, you're to be buried an honorable funeral, symbolizing the community coming together because of you. Not because you were a burden, but because you were loved. That's the difference.

Now, I wanna be careful with the ending here. Disabled people are NOT a burden. Never have been, never will be. We have different needs, and sometimes those needs simply cannot be met. That's what I want to try and show here. The community will naturally want to be nice and accept you, even if there are a few ableist people around who say insensitive things or are willingly ignorant to your struggles. They, too, move to be compassionate towards you if you really, really need it, and if they can afford the expense. No one wants to watch you crash and burn.

That said, you can be a jerk. You can make people do things for you. The way you carry yourself and your attitude towards other people can mess up your standing with them and turn people away. This is just like real life, with everyone, not just disabled people. The problem? This clan will start to ignore you if you start being too demanding or are actively stealing from them or something. Like, if you steal someone's food, they're gonna ignore you when you say you need help, stuff like that.

The worst part is that there's another person in the camp who's disabled. And, they'll always move to be more compassionate towards that person because they're more visibly disabled. They're in a wheelchair, and need people to help move them around.

Now, again with me not wanting to spread the wrong message. This person is NOT your enemy, unless you specifically make them out to be. Matter of fact, I wanna start the game with you two being friends. Rather you burn bridges or not is up to you. This person isn't a goodie two-shoes by any means, but they've also always got the best interests of others at heart. Doesn't mean they don't mess up, though. This is where a lot of the character writing gets more complicated than I currently have planned, but yeah.

One of the messages I would want to spread would be talking about basically an us vs them pessimistic viewpoint through the lense of able-bodied vs disabled. Because you pass as able-bodied, people will expect you to behave like them, and when you try and express your limits, there is a chance specific NPCs will get angry with you, especially during tougher times.

This can be helped by building a better relationship with them, but there are certain biases that will never go away. And your character will get frustrated by it. It's not fair. You're also disabled, and you- the player- can TELL how tough this life is because you're actively PLAYING it! So, my hope is that I capture that frustration for players, too. Like, shut the fuck up, man, I'm TRYING.

The themes and messages I want to spread really consist of: - Disabled people can do things themselves - But, they have to know their own limitations and abide by them - If you get mad at a disabled person for saying "I cannot do this" you suck :) - Again, really wanna capture how hard this life is - Imbuing players with a sense of compassion and understanding towards their disabled friends, family, and neighbors - The world is a fucked up place! If you die a hero, no matter how avoidable your death was, it will be seen as some great, noble thing everyone should do when NO! You REALLY shouldn't! - Ablest people are the first to sweep us under the rug when things get hard - General discussion about life as a disabled person - The venn diagram of able-passing vs visibly disabled - We're all on the same goddamn team.

If this game only does one thing, I hope it's spread awareness of the struggles of disabled people, without being patronizing, downplaying, or sugarcoated. Yes, the tone is something akin to LOZ or SLARPG, but this is serious stuff and I don't want to hide it under jokes and tone-deaf action scenes.

I want to make the players decide if they actually want to play the game. Not in the double-clicking on it to open it sense, but rather the "do I stay here and do nothing, or go on a high-stakes adventure?" kind. Games are supposed to be adventurous, right? At least RPGs are. But in this game, doing anything like that is always a gamble.

You pretty much ALWAYS need to have something in it for you. If there aren't pills or a better mobility aid at the end of that dungeon, then brother, it wasn't worth it to you. Now you've wasted Graves, pills, Exhaustion, and Balance getting to wherever you are now, and with really nothing to show for it, not for the long run.

This is why I think a video game would be the best medium to capture disabled struggles. You have tasks to do, you have to do them, but you WILL be punished for doing them anyway, you do them or not. Every choice is an impossible choice, the clock on YOUR life is constantly ticking, and the only two aids you have are meds and self-control. That, and endurance against the people shouting at you to do your part for this community.

Towards the end of the game, on a first play-through, I imagine your social standing won't be 100%. You're getting tired, hungry, and running out of pills. The clan will be shouting at you to do your part, go do some solo tasks, but at this point, the player is trained to know that if they do those tasks, their meds won't help much, and they'll be worse off physically. Some friends may step in and offer to help or defend you, but it's just reinforcing the clan's idea that you're a prick who can't do anything on your own, because you're lazy. You lazy, slacking, good-for-nothing son of a BITCH who's just taking up space!

Yes, this is exaggerated because it's the apocalypse, but we get people who actually think like that. I've met people who hate it when I pull a chair up to my register because I can't stand up. I've met people who will verbally harass me to come play ball with them when I've told them I can't. I've had people tell me that I'm not trying hard enough, or that I'm just lazy. I'm not.

I want to capture that, above all else.

The chokehold this game has on the players, combined with the NPCs attitudes and the player's perceptions of how to play a typical RPG turned on its head should put them in the shoes of a disabled young adult who is just trying their goddamn best.

Now, I don't have much of the story planned out (dunno if you could tell lmao), as I've mostly been thinking about the mechanics of something like this and how to pull off the effect I want to, but I'd want the story to reinforce this idea, too. Defending the camp from enemies, both human and monster, while gathering food, farming XP, and not dying would be the main gameplay loop, but aside from that I wouldn't know what else to do. But dammit, I would love to dig deeper into this.

I have no idea how well I explained anything in here, but yeah. That's my game pitch. Uhh, dunno how to end this. Might draw concept art when I have more time, something like that, goodnight tristate area.

i want to learn how to make games.

[myscprin]

@108garys pullin in the ancient ones!! Especially love how cropped tank ✨ was included 👌💯

@ultrabananapudding I knew you could it, mad man 👏👏YOUNG SALIM GOT ME FERRRALLL

I wish to draw men in crop tops, as soon as I get back from my oral surgery consultation I'm drawing (maybe, please don't quote me) every HoA man in a crop top and not even god can stop me 😘