#I usually Sharpe Post on main but this is so funny

[kissmefriendly]

Oh my god the Sharpe reference and excerpt in the latest episode.

“Poor Contessa…”

“Why, what happens to the Contessa??”

CABT BELIEVE TERESA ALSO DIES IN THIS AU SERIES AS WELL COME ON

Also “Swift’s Hurrah” come on. I want to transcribe that whole snippet it’s (hah) Gold

[blamebrampton]

Books talk to each other. Mostly because practically every writer is also a voracious reader, but also because books arise out of times and places and we share a lot of our worlds these days. So it’s unsurprising that several novels I have hugely enjoyed over the past few years share the theme of the antiheroine who is past all giving of the fucks. Naomi Novik’s powerful dark sorceress kept on her own tight leash in the Scholomance books was a joy to follow; Xiran Jay Zhao’s Iron Widow slashed her way into my heart and now Sarah Rees Brennan’s Long Live Evil has added to a list of beloved antiheroines that probably started for me with Becky Sharp in Vanity Fair.

Coincidentally, when considering how to describe Long Live Evil without significant spoilers, I realised that it shared several major themes with Vanity Fair. Young woman unfairly treated by fate decides to embrace her slut era to survive a war zone – both very accurate and wildly inaccurate for both. LLE opens with main character Rae in a hospital bed, teasing her sister about a book series they both adore. Rae is taking refuge in the story they have shared over years because it is one of the few things they have left: she is losing her fight against cancer and has been losing parts of her life, family and memory as that fight has progressed.

My personal hospital experiences have all been to do with major traumas rather than illness, which I vastly prefer because if you don’t die in the first couple of days, you usually start mending and you can immediately make plans to make the best of whatever you’ve broken. Rees Brennan, however, famously wrote a very funny, very horrible, ‘Kids, you won’t believe what shenanigans your girl’s been up to now, it’s only stage four Hodgkins lymphoma!’ post on her Tumblr or LJ (someone who has been hit in the head with taxis fewer times than me will doubtless factcheck that in the notes) about seven or eight years ago and then faced the very serious business of trying to live. The hospital scenes are painfully authentic, as are the stories of people who have left Rae as she slipped further out of everyday life.

For Rees Brennan, a loving family and peer group were there to hold her as close as they could. For Rae, only her beloved little sister, Alice, and Time of Iron, their favourite fantasy series, remain. They read the books together, remember adventures cosplaying and watching the musical, they wonder about the final instalment; for Rae it’s a joy she can still share (even if she doesn’t remember as much as she should), for Alice, it’s her two greatest loves. When a strange woman offers a door into the world of the book and a possible magical cure to Rae, she wants it as much as she disbelieves it.

Stepping into Eyam, the land of Time of Iron, Rae finds herself in the body of a villain doomed to die the next day. No worries! She’s thought and fought her way out of worse scraps than this in her past as a head cheerleader, let alone while battling cancer. She can use her knowledge of the plot to change things! If only she remembered more of the books…

Portal fantasies are common enough, but not all play by the same rules. This isn’t Narnia, where the magical world is more real than our own, for Rae, the world of the book is nothing more a tool to get her hands on the cure. She doesn’t need to care about any of these people, they’re not real. Most of them speak in a formal language that relies on the conventions of fantasy literature (there is an ongoing, warm-hearted skewering of all Game of Thrones-esque texts running through both the story and the in-text ‘quotes’ from Time of Iron) and half the characters are known more by their descriptions rather than their names. So she will play the Beauty Dipped in Blood, with her questionable morals, impractical clothes and centre-of-balance-distorting boobs for the weeks that will pass until the cure is available. Whoever she has to shuffle in the plot to secure a place beside that cure, she will shuffle. While she’s not out to kill anyone, it’s not as though they were ever really alive. Not like her. If she has to be the villain to survive, she will be an impeccable one. The people will cheer evil on!

Obviously, little goes to plan. Rae’s illness has taught her cruelty, but she hasn’t forgotten what it is to be kind. Even as she manipulates her role into ongoing main character, she realises that’s not how anyone gets a happy ending. That’s not how she can live with herself. As she comes to think of the other people in the story as real, they become more so, both in how we read them and in how they impact the story. Rae remembers what it is like to make friends, which she never meant to, but, oh, the luxury after years of watching people slip away!

As in previous novel In Other Lands, Rees Brennan has a long list of fantasy tropes to embrace and undermine, and her deft touch with humour is as evident as ever here, but her publishers call this her first adult novel and there is a shift in tone from her previous works. Anger is more real and lasting. Consequences are more significant. Understanding is reached for, even if it’s bitter. One of my favourite things is that she lets her female characters rage, but never judges those who can’t, whether because they’re too powerless or just too tired, and her male characters are allowed to be people if they choose to be — which all but the most vainglorious do.

I hadn’t paid much attention beyond checking the release date for the book, so didn’t realise it was the first in a series. For me, it worked perfectly as a standalone novel, even with the unended threads, which would have perfectly balanced Rae’s unfinished life. That said, I am very happy to know we will spend more time with these characters in the future. I want more. I do want to know if there is a hope for Rae, if this is the fever dream of a fading life, if this is the story Alice has told to ease her sister from the world or something else. There are a dozen characters I hope for, at least three happy endings that would bring joy. But don’t wait for the next books: sink your teeth into this one and believe what it says about the importance of listening to stories rather than just falling in love with characters. Though if you find yourself cheering on Rae, or her servant Emer, the elusive Eric, Horrible Hortensia or almost any of the others, I am the last person who will judge you.

[lily-alphonse]

Rarepair Sam/Shane joja dorks

I love Sam and Shane. If they dont have a ship name Im calling them Sunnyside (for nonenglish speakers, “sunnyside up” is a way to cook eggs without flipping, so its both a reference to eggs and the sun)

Toxic or nontoxic, I love it. Give me the daddy issues angst. Give me the power imbalance. But also could be sweet! Shane learns to love life again by seeing it through Sam’s eyes. If I was actually going to write it I think I might lean more toxic, I love leaning into Shane’s worst traits (wonder why there are no Shane fics on my main account hmm?)

BUT with these asks Ive been making them all sweet and shit so let me try to think of something for that. I’ll make the age gap like 7 years (23/30 maybe?).

(Future Lily here: I got carried away with this one, it's now an official ficlet that I'll be posting to AO3 too lol)

They’ve been friendly enough as coworkers for a while. Sometimes Shane will even humor him by engaging him in conversation at work. He actually doesn’t seem like a bad guy. Funny even, if you like a deadpan sort of humor. But he’s closed off anywhere else. On Friday nights Sam watches over the pool table as Shane gets so drunk he stumbles home.

He worries about him. Despite Shane’s reputation around town as someone to steer clear of, Sam cares about everyone. And he knows he’s one of the few people Shane will talk to at all.

Things seem to get worse with his drinking. He’s calling out at work more. Coming in late.

Sam starts to come out at night to watch and make sure he gets home okay. He’s usually up when the saloon closes anyway. On nights where Shane’s stumbling badly, Sam goes out into the cold and follows him just in case. You never know with alcohol poisoning. He’s seen it at a party once and never wants to see it again.

But he will if he has to.

One bad winter night he’s following Shane as he does, when they round the corner and he just disappears on the other side. Sam looks around, it’s exceptionally dark on this path into the forest. He’s considering turning the flashlight app on on his phone when he suddenly gets pinned against the nearest barren tree.

“Why the fuck are you following me?” Shane hisses, the alcohol thick on his breath.

“Shane what the fuck!” His heart is racing. Has Shane ever been this close to him before?

“No, you what the fuck! Answer me!”

“I’m just worried!”

Shane groans angrily and lets him go. “Perfect! Of course you’re fucking worried. Let me just add you to the Yoba-damned list of people to disappoint then. No- just don’t okay? Do me a favor and don’t.”

Sam doesn’t know what to say. Despite being a big guy, he doesn’t like confrontation. Never has. He just wants people to be happy.

But Shane seems to want an answer. He’s still standing there, huffing cloudy breaths into the night and staring.

So Sam meekly says what he is thinking. “I just want everyone to be happy.”

An explosive sound comes out of Shane that has Sam flinching, certainly the beginning of a rant, but then he stops as suddenly as he started. He deflates. When his voice comes out next it is weak and broken.

“Of course you do, Sam.” He sighs, and it sounds so sad Sam almost wishes he was angry again. “But maybe some people aren’t built to be happy.”

Sam steps closer to him, just wanting to see into his eyes again in the near darkness. “I don’t believe that,” Sam whispers, Shane looking up to meet his eyes again. “I don’t think you really believe that either.”

“No, you’re right… I think I was happy once. But that might be even worse. If I had never been happy this might hurt less.”

Shane’s eyes are glassy. He’s close enough to hug and Sam is tempted to, but resists. “What happened, Shane?”

“So much. Too much,” he gives a sharp, sort of rueful chuckle as he looks away. But his body stays close. Maybe its the cold that keeps him close, but his cheeks are flushed with heat. "You know I'm turning thirty soon?"

Sam bites his lip, tempted to make a joke. When Shane meets his eyes again though, he can't help it. "Actin' real sixteen to be thirty," he mumbles with a smirk.

Shane elbows him but laughs. "Shut the fuck up. Idiot."

"I'm right though."

"So am I."

"Yeah, I can be an idiot and also right."

Shane laughs again and shakes his head. "Yeah."

"So that's what's got you like this then? That you're turning thirty?"

Shane bites at the inside of his cheek. "Just puts things into perspective, I guess."

Sam nods, though he doesn't really understand. He looks up into the night sky as the silence stretches, eyes hopping from star to star. "D'you think I'll get like that when I'm thirty?"

Shane scoffs, so Sam looks down at him again. "Hard to imagine you ever being anything but nauseatingly positive."

Sam's smile widens. "I'll try and take that as a compliment."

"Course you would," he grumbles. After a moment of silence he speaks again. "Sam?"

"Hm."

"I don't actually want you to stop, by the way."

"I know." Sam leans forward and opens his arms, half-expecting to be pushed away. But Shane hugs him. He leans his head on Shane's and murmurs, "I won't."

Send me any Stardew Valley rarepair and I will tell you how I would make them work! (Even non-marriage npcs) If youre lucky you may get a mini fic out of it. Check the list below to see if Ive already answered yours

Rarepair Masterlist

@doggobrie you weren't alone on this one!

[butter-on-ghost]

The very long post of Endermen anatomy in my mind

ok, first off there’s four main Endermen.

Northern (The end)

Middle/Earthen (Overworld/earth (this is where most subspecies would be))

Southern (Nether)

Farlanders (Farland endermen :D)

Stuff like height, eye color, snout shape, horns, teleportation distance, etc would be different depending on where the enderman is from and who the parents are. Albinism can also be a bit more common depending on which enderman it is.

When it comes to teleporting, I think each different endermen has a different distance they can teleport and the amount of times they can do it rapidly. All endermen have these three slits on each side of the neck called ‘vents’ and those open when they teleport or if they’re exhausted. It’s like a magic exhaust pipe and that’s where the little colorful particles come from. Particles usually follow around the individual and fade away if they don’t teleport for a while. Chorus fruit is a good source of energy for teleporting and if eaten just before teleporting, can give a little extra distance.

What else is a broad trait for them uhh

oh, eye color also goes with blood, flesh, guts, in the mouth and stuff (blush as well)

Northern Endermen

The end seems like it would be really cold. No weather or wind, just cold. So endermen have a lot of fur, thick fur and maybe different coat types (wavy, curly, coarse, soft etc).

First off, I think the end dragon and endermen would be like a beehive kinda system. So the dragon would be their leader. Every 500 years or so, the dragon flies off to a secluded area and lays eggs. Returns and then the endermen that are already there take care of the eggs til they hatch (it can take a few weeks all the way up to a decade). Eggs are translucent and the color of the egg is what their eye color will be. They’re a bit bigger than a watermelon.

Kits have floppy ears when born and some will have round horn nubs already growing. It’s not super rare, but still it’s uncommon for an albino enderman to hatch. (Ex: Indie :D)

Northern endermen have paws. Big paws, very soft :], but really sharp claws and rough, thick paw pads. Feet are two-toed with sharp claws. The snout shape is kinda boxy?

Like this??? (I don’t know how to describe snouts ;-;)

Northern enderman have broad, long tails for balance AND for fighting (whack em :P). Horns are like Indie’s horns, long and smooth and simple, but some can be born with one horn or have an extra set of horns. Some horns can grow and end up growing into each other. Ears can be like Indie’s, but can look like goat or cow ears. The vents on northern endermen aren’t usually visible due to their fur, but if one overworks themself and teleports too much, the particles that blow out can cause the fur to move and expose the vents. They can teleport a pretty good distance (around the same distance as Endermen in Minecraft) and can teleport repeatedly ten to fifteen times before it starts to tire or hurt them.

Eye color ranges from bluish purples all the way to purple-magenta and can be any shades between that. Pupils are like cat pupils.

Scarring starts out as the color of the blood but ends up fading to black like the rest of the skin. Albino endermen’s scars fade to pale or dark grey

Scars from water don’t fade. Ever. (Most that’ll happen is that the color will turn a bit pale, but it won’t fade to black like normal scars)

oh shit I should put this somewhere, they do have sharp teeth, but also incisors since the only source of food is chorus fruit in the end. So yeah, they could eat meat, there’s just nothing around for them to eat that’s alive (aside from endermites). So the sharp teeth would be mainly for fighting.

I like to think that endermites are considered a rare treat and that’s why endermen are so quick to murder the little bugs. It’s funny to me.

They’re pretty chill, a player could barter and trade with them as long as they don’t look em in the eyes.

Last thing, there are three different kinds of northern endermen.

Standard: Just an enderman. Like a worker bee in a way. These guys would be the ones you see just roaming around the End. Body type can vary greatly.

Guard: Larger, bulkier and a bit more aggressive. These guys would stand around the little portal that the end dragon egg sits on. There’s four there at any time (unless one is killed). They also have a higher chance to have four arms. Larger snouts and more canines than usual. Paws are larger as well. They can hold their ground really well and very rarely move from their spot guarding the end dragon egg. Eye color is on the warmer side of the spectrum.

Falcon: These guys would be in the end ships. I think they’d run the ships and guard the loot in the chests. A couple weeks after hatching, they’re given a pair of elytra that kinda just fuses to their back after a year or two (I haven’t figure out how yet, so the excuse is ✨magic✨) They’re thinner and lighter so they can go faster and also have four arms more often. Excellent fighting skills and good accuracy when trying to hit a target. Paws are more like a hand-paw fusion than just paws so they can handle weapons with more grace. Eye color is on the cooler side of the spectrum and albinos’ can end up having pale lavender to teal eyes.

The eldest endermen are often the ones in charge of the rest. Some aren’t the best though and don’t really take into consideration what the entire population wants or needs and will even ignore any they don’t like (Ex. Indie). They show blatant favoritism towards individuals in groups they’re in charge of and often end up leaving the members within the groups to help and teach the ones that aren’t as liked.

Earth Endermen

Alright, these guys vary a lot because of the biomes they live in and the climate. So one that lives in a tundra would look a lot different from one that lives in a mesa biome or the desert. Fur patterns aren’t uncommon either. All endermen in the overworld have fur though, it’ll just be different lengths and types depending on what area they live in. Kits all have floppy ears that may or may not stiffen up as they get older (depends on parents’ genes). Horns, teeth arrangement, eye color, snout shape, ears and tail type all vary depending on the biome and general climate, but there are a few things that stay the same.

At least two horns

Blood, guts, inner mouth, vents and eyes are all the same color (heterochromia is addressed further down)

Canines no matter what (at least four, two on top row two on bottom row)

Three vents on each side of the neck

Paw pads

Fur

Some endermen that live near water or an environment with rainy weather have a higher resistance to water and can even stay in water for a certain amount of time (can’t injest it though, that’s a death sentence).

There’s also a whole other subspecies that’s semi aquatic. They have a very high tolerance to water, but will still die if they stay in it too long. Diet consists of fish and shellfish. Body expels any water accidentally swallowed through the vents.

Southern Endermen

My favorite of them all, southern endermen live in the nether! They can either have really really short fur (almost like peach fuzz but not quite) or scales. Sometimes one is born with neither, leaving them with just skin, it leaves them vulnerable though, like a scaleless snake. And sometimes, when scales shed, they have a chance to grow back gold, it’s like a freckle or a beauty mark :). Southern endermen are more reptilian than the rest. Their snout shape is more like a snake’s (wide and kinda flat) and the vents on their neck are almost always visible. Teeth are mostly made up of canines and they’re black!

Necks are longer so they can snap at stuff and have a further reach. Paws are more like a hand-paw fusion and have long claws on the ends. Horns aren’t super long but they are sharp and there’s usually more than two, often growing in rows. Ears are shorter and pointed. Some can have more animal like ears though. Eye color ranges from magenta to reds of any shades (the exception being endermen that live in the warped forest, they have turquoise eyes), often having little flecks of gold in the eyes. Pupils have tapetum lucidum (the shiny over it when light shines over the eyes). They also have fire/heat resistance to an extent. So if one were to touch lava by accident, it wouldn’t hurt as long as they take their hand out within the next few seconds.

Hands and feet are larger and wider, which helps when walking across soul sand valleys. Tails can have spines along the top (like a croc or gator) that travel up the spine as well. The underbelly has the softest scales.

Also teleportation distance is pretty short, maybe a meter or two, but they can repeatedly teleport a lot more times than the other endermen species (thirty times or more). Afterwards they get really tired though, kinda loopy and giggly as well if they push themselves for too long.

Kits with scales are very vulnerable for the first two to three years of their life while their scales harden. They’re also very bony and lanky lookin, like a calf or foal. Walk funny, look funny, act funny (love my lanky little babies, I need to draw them). Ears are floppy as always.

(Most) Southern endermen live in packs. Could be as small as five or as large as twenty, sometimes they travel alone, but often don’t last long. Pack mates are super close, they roughhouse and spar and annoy older pack members (harmlessly tho). Younger members often go out to hunt and forage for mushrooms and nether wart and other plants and stuff. There’s always one older enderman that is established as the one in charge of the younger ones. They end up teaching kits how to fight and hunt and other neat tricks they’ve learned. And then the rest of the older pack members work as the parents and healers. Some might also dabble in potion-making if they can get their hands on the right materials.

They don’t like piglins. Like, at all. Go out of their way to inconvenience any piglins near their territory. They don’t like players that much either, but kinda in the way a goose doesn’t like people. They’ll keep their distance and only attack if the player keeps pestering them in some way.

Farlanders

Very tall, like really really tall, almost twenty feet but they can definitely get taller. The entire population is white and they have fur of varying lengths.

There’s not a lot known about farland endermen, but they are known for being able to teleport miles at a time. They’re often very lanky and stare off into the distance, which gives them an unsettling feeling. Horns can become very intricate and complex, but some either have normal horns or don’t grow any at all. Eye color can range from bright green to teal and cyan. Snout shape is a bit more beak like, not as broad and boxy. And the teeth are mostly canines. Vents are always visible and so many particles blow out after a single teleportation that it almost creates a colored fog around the individual that teleported. Ear shape is more of an animal’s ear, like a cow, goat, deer and sometimes rabbit ears. Paws are very soft and they don’t have paw pads. Feet are also like a northern enderman’s feet, two-toed and clawed. Tail is often really long and thin.

They’re not the best fighters, since they’d rather teleport away than fight, but it’s already hard enough to fight them due to their large size. And they travel alone, sometimes bumping into another endermen, talking for a minute or two before going back to whatever they were doing previously. When it comes to meeting other things (like people), they get really awkward and might just teleport away mid-conversation.

Kits are around three feet tall when they first hatch, floppy eared with a lot of fur to stay warm.

alright, that’s all I have for each enderman species (species?) there are a few other things that I didn’t know where to put so it’s going at the end

If an enderman has heterochromia, two things might happen. The two colors that the eyes are will blend and that’s what the color of blood and guts and other stuff will be. Or the insides will just be one of the eye colors.

If a flask of dragon’s breath is consumed by an enderman, it acts as a plasma blast (like toothless). The blast can be stored until the enderman wants to use it and if they consume multiple bottles it stacks up. Plasma color is the same as eye color.

All northern endermen born from the same dragon are related, but there are other super-far-away islands that have a different dragon with different endermen.

Hybrid endermen exist

When an enderman dies, their body fades and what’s left is an enderpearl (so if the body doesn’t fade, they aren’t dead)

for shits and giggles, all endermen have that same thing cats have, where if you pinch the back of their neck, they get really calm and immobile (this works well with southern endermen if you catch them off guard)

I think that’s everything, if you have questions send me some :D

I want to add more to this of course, things like clothing styles, mutations and hopefully more. Sorry this took so long to finish :’)

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

Hi Atlas :0 i have new request but for BAU team with teen!werewolf!reader?

Hotch & Rossi are the only ones to know about reader being a werewolf when he is put on the team bc government wanted to keep him under the eye and recruited him in the end, his records are sealed so Penny doesn't snoop around the important stuff lol. And Rossi being his handler and the main person to see after the boy, to do a report to Hotch about his performance etc. And the reader mostly being there for scent search ( like the reader has a sharp nose for scents and us able to distinguish them with ease even if old and somewhat able to even if masked under fresher scents or added scents) but he's in general a lot faster with more stamina and energy to burn unlike humans .

So the team gets to know the reader's so called secret by seeing him action just zooming past them to catch up with a escaping Unsub in a mountain-like scenery and they're having a hard time catching up to them bc Rossi gave him the go ahead bc the Unsub would otherwise be able to escape in-between the trees and rocks.

Just imagine reader being big enough in his werewolf form(doesn't matter if 4- or 2-legged form to me (as in folklore or twilight type lol) ) that he can just plop all his weight down on the Unsub and pin them to the ground. Possibly disarm them by grabbing the thing in their hands or biting their arms/wrists.

How would the team react? Would they have had some suspicions on the topic?

Sorry the request's a bit long again lmao. Please if the request is too much, your requests are closed or you just don't feel like it, don't feel pressured to do it! Stay hydrated, have a nice day and keep your head up! uwu

Okay, so I wasn't going to write this originally because I wasn't sure how to, but then I started thinking about it and ideas kind of just came to me aha. I hope you like it, I'm posting it now because I just finished writing it and I'm giggling and I just wanted to post it because I think it's funny, but not like a funny funny like a stupid funny if that makes sense?

Warnings: Bullet wound, blood, make shift first aid

Word count: 1385

“A handler?” You asked in disbelief, you scoff, shaking your head at the director with a laugh, “I don’t fucking think so, I’m not a dog-”

“We need someone to monitor you who’s on the team.” He said, pausing before continuing, “Like a mentor,”

“Then call it a mentor. Not a fucking handler,”

“Could you give us a minute?” Rossi asked, speaking for the first time. Hotch, Strauss, and the Director look at each other for a minute before leaving the room. 

“The prick may as well ask me to roll over,” You muttered bitterly, wiping the frustrated tear that had made its way down your cheek.

“Look, kid, all I’m going to be doing is making sure you’re settling in okay,” Rossi said with a shrug, “I don’t care about what else they’re saying. I’m only concerned about if you’re okay.”

That’s how you were introduced to one: the fact that you would be working with the BAU, and two: that you’d have a ‘handler’ constantly monitoring you. 

When you met the team, an hour or so later, they noticed that you seemed to be full of energy and, despite only having met Rossi an hour ago, seemed to be pretty loyal to him already. Over the next coming months, your secret (as promised) was kept between you, Rossi, and Hotch. All the team knew was that you ‘had good tracking skills’ and that’s why you were recruited. You knew the truth was going to come out eventually, but you didn’t think you would ever be prepared. 

There wasn’t much difference with this case then the others, an unsub who was a horrible person, lashed out at people, the usual. He even had a lair surrounded by woods. When you found him and the team confronted him, he ran (also not unusual) and he was fast (unusual), really fast (definitely unusual). 

You stare at Rossi until he nods, giving you approval. You pelt your legs fast after the unsub, even if you did lose him, you’d be able to find him quickly. He stunk of the familiar scent of blood, mixed with cigarettes, and Jack Daniels. You let yourself shift as you run, the familiar feeling of your bones resetting subtly as you did so - more energy and strength seeping through your body as you changed, clothes tearing as your body transformed. Soon enough, you’re ready to drop down on all fours, a growl crawling up your throat you do. It doesn’t take you long to catch up with him, maybe thirty seconds. When you do, you tackle him to the ground, keeping him pinned with a heavy paw, you lift your head into the air, howling loudly to signal to Rossi that he’s been detained.

The team stared at you in absolute shock when you walked back over to them, now dressed in the spare clothes Hotch and Rossi always kept close by (as a just in case). 

“What the fuck-” Derek’s the first to speak.

“It’s sort of a long story?” You reply, unsure. 

“There’s been numerous sightings of werewolf individuals throughout history, not to mention clinical lycanthropy,” Spencer chimes in.

“So you’re a-?”

“Say it,” You say dramatically, you hear Rossi and Hotch sigh deeply, already knowing where this was going. “Say it. Out loud.”

Derek and Emily share a confused look. “Werewolf.” Hotch mumbled, hoping to get this whole thing over with.

You turn around dramatically, “Are you afraid?”

“No.” You grin, you had never heard Hotch sound so done with you in your life. This was brilliant. 

“This is the face of a killer, Bella.” You say, disappointed when none of them get your reference. “Really? None of you? JJ, come on, you know what Cullen means, surely you get it?”

“Sorry, I’ve never actually seen Twilight,”

“Ugh,” You groaned, “Penelope would get it, you all need to be more like Penelope and laugh at my jokes,”

“No need to bite back so hard, kid,” Derek grins. 

“If this becomes a frequent thing, I might actually kill you.” You state. 

“You’re all bark and no bite,” A growl sounds through your throat and your eyes flash. Derek puts his hands up in surrender, “Alright, alright, no more jokes. Can you eat chocolate though? Serious question. Rossi, why’s he looking at me like that? Rossi, Rossi-!” Derek yelped as you tackled him to the ground.

“Yes I can eat chocolate, it makes me feel sick though.” You answer, you hadn’t shifted, you just wanted to scare him a little. “Nice yelp though, sounded like a little girl.”

“I did not!”

“Yeah, you did,” Emily answered with a snort. 

Now, months later, you stand in a warehouse, locating the unsub with Rossi whilst you wait for backup. “He’s definitely here,” You mumble, “Jesus, he eats a lot of fast food,” Rossi gives a small snort, “I think he’s in here,” You say, pointing at the room just ahead of you. Rossi nods, raising his gun slightly as he begins to enter the room, you’re close behind.

You watch in horror as the gun cocks into place, you let yourself start to shift - knowing that you wouldn’t be able to make it in time in human form. You weren’t going to let them get hurt. You were nothing if not loyal. Rossi waits for the bullet. He knew it was going to happen eventually, it was inevitable in this line of work. But the bullet doesn’t come, instead, the crack of the gun in heard, as well as the sound of impact. Then nothing. And then the small whine comes. It’s pathetic and sounds like a wounded animal. A wounded animal. It clicks and Rossi looks around, spotting the form of a wolf, he watches as the fur shifts, slowly turning to skin in order to preserve your energy. 

Another shot sounds and the unsub drops down dead. Rossi sends a brief nod of thanks to Morgan as he rushes over to you, shrugging off his windbreaker to place over you. Morgan joins him, peering over you, eyes widening when he sees the bullet wound. He reaches for the radio, “We need a-” Rossi puts his hand up and Derek stops.

“What do you need us to do?” Rossi asked, turning back to you.

“Rossi, he needs an ambulance,”

You shook your head, “My body will heal, I just need to get it out,” Rossi nodded as you lifted your head, the bullet wasn’t too far in. You could probably just reach in and grab it, you’re body would flush out any infection or bacteria that was in the wound and you’d be as good as new within a day or two. Your fingers hovered above the bullet wound and you let your head drop back to the floor. You take a deep breath before you plunge the fingers into the wound, feeling for the bullet. Your back arches and you ground your teeth, you clench the bullet with your finger tips and force yourself to take a deep breath before you pass out or something. And then, when you’ve got a good grip, you yank it out. And fuck it hurts. You groan loudly through your teeth, throwing the bullet to the floor.

“You okay?” Derek asked, you huff a small laugh as you nod.

“Just peachy,” You mumble. “I’ll be fine. The outside of the wound will close within a few hours anyway,”

“Won’t you bleed out?”

“Should be fine,” You said with a shrug, “This is hardly the first time I’ve been shot,” And with that, you force yourself back on your feet, clutching a hand to the wound as you walk.

When you’re back on the jet, now with a gauze over your wound, you lay slowly on the couch. “I know what will help,” You say, lifting your head up slightly, “I’m going to make you all watch Twilight. You need to get my jokes - they’re like over half of my humour and none of that can be appreciated if you haven’t seen it.”

“Is it any good?” Emily asked, you shook your head.

“Nope, it’s absolute horse crap,”

“Then why make us watch it?”

“Because you all need to suffer to get my humour,” You said, before adding, “And I’m injured so you can’t say no,”

[melodiousmonsters]

guess what girlies? the image I delayed this post for apparently didn't exist! I cannot find it at least so it effectively isn't real

"Pango (Avae Crystis) average around 5’10”/1.8m tall. They are hardy monsters that can live just about anywhere due to their insulating coats of densely packed feathers. They may not be able to fly like the other bird monsters with wings, but what they do excel at is swimming. They eat large fish that very few other monsters can take down without the use of tools, which is something you’d think they’d take pride in, and some do, but a majority of Pangos are melancholy creatures that are often not happy with themselves.

Because of their cold element their bodies need to be at a lower than average temperature to run properly, but their air element makes it so they have a very low tolerance to cold. Usually your average Pango will be perpetually chilly and unable to healthily warm up. There’s the rare case of a lucky Pango with either a very low amount of cold or air that will either be warm or cold enough respectively to be comfortable.

They vary a lot in appearance, though they all have crests and a white stomach. They always have two main colors, the dull purple of their main feathers and white, but some may have a third more vibrant purple as an accent for some bold markings. Also they often take up knitting or crochet and make themselves winter clothing to attempt to keep warm at first, but overtime Pangos learnt that it did nothing, but they still do so as it’s a cultural thing now.

While Pangos don’t have proper variants due to the standard levels of variation between Pangos being so high, there are snow Pangos. Occasionally when a Pango makes a snow self portrait they are proud of it will magically come to life from that brief pride and will stay alive for a few days before falling apart. Each Pango has its own unique snow Pango that will materialize whenever they make a good self portrait. It will remember everything that happens to it while it’s aware and in existence so they will both get to know each other over the Pango’s life.

Due to their insulating feathers, Pango can live anywhere, but they prefer oceanside environments as it allows for them to get their favored saltwater fish. With thick skin and a dense coat of feathers they can withstand a lot of damage from aggressive fish unlike a lot of other monsters. Large fish make up a majority of their diet anywhere they live as there aren't a lot of other critters or monsters that fill the role of hunting large fish.

Because of their hardiness and often large amounts of pent up aggression they are very good fighters and often polar bears, orcas, or other large carnivores will steer clear of a Pango too. They will use their large heavy beaks and sharp claws as weapons against potential threats. Because of their low self esteem they often underestimate their fighting abilities so in friendly tussles with other monsters will often end up accidentally hurting their opponent. But of course when fighting fish or predators they don’t mind causing some damage.

Pango eggs will also hatch in whatever conditions due to their resistance to temperatures. Pango chicks need a proportionally large amount of food in comparison with other monsters their size. This is due to their high body fat percentage and they need to keep up that fat to be healthy. No matter how ornate the patterns they have in adulthood, all Pangos start out with the very basic solid dull purple with a white stomach.

Teenage Pangos are strange because they look just as, if not bigger than an adult at the latest stage of their down feathered state, it’s quite funny. Old Pangos grow larger crests and often have beards of icicles if they don’t bother to chip them off, as it does nothing to make them any warmer."

[rislyann]

remember time ago i offered an idea of a plot?

well, that's going to be posted while i finish the next works of the flawed virtues series!

we have a small peek under the 'read more' but allow me to share some of it with you first; this will be about 'adult' (sensitive) topics.

Title: Through the influence of Aphrodite

Summary: Those who give in to their passions, carve out their own prisons. 

Note: The main plot of this is "someone attacked us with an aphrodisiac and now we are trapped together" to then have them realize that they always felt something for each other, basically. That’s it. That’s the whole thing. Plus angst and some funny situations, as usual. 

Tags: Javier Asrahan/Kim Suho | Lloyd Frontera, Original Characters, use of aphrodisiacs, Inappropriate use of aphrodisiacs, they're high basically, and they lose their memories in the first chapters, so Lloyd thinks forced Javier, AS IF HE COULD HAVE, there's lots of angst because of that, also mentions about suicide, is all a misunderstanding, also there's mention about Lloyd / f!OC, that was because the aphrodisiac, the estate thinks Lloyd is a slut, they still love him, Top Javier Asrahan, Bottom Javier Asrahan, Top Kim Suho | Lloyd Frontera, Bottom Kim Suho | Lloyd Frontera, They're vers, I'm not sorry, also they're BI too, Lloyd falls first, Javier falls HARDER, Shy Javier Asrahan, like REALLY SHY he can't even say PIPI REAL NAME WITHOUT BLUSHING, mentions of rape, mentions of suicide, miscommunication, self hate, it turns out well in the end, use of substances, innappropiate use of substances

Through the influence of Aphrodite

one.-

Lust is fueled by its desire to fulfill

. . .

“Is extremely effective—” Lady Signy kept explaining. “Is said that just rubbing a pinch of powder on the skin is enough to cause a night of lustful fevers and delusions. That so much dust has fallen on Lord Lloyd—” 

Ah, that didn't sound good at all...

“What—” 

“It could be extremely dangerous! And— Sir Asrahan!” 

“Javier— Javier?!” 

“No! Don't touch him!” 

Lloyd turned to see Javier, also covered in pink dust, holding his head with one hand, his face blushing in a very interesting shade of pink that clashed against the blues of his clothes. 

. . .

“I will tell the Count, master Lloyd, do not worry. Is there something you need?” she asked with worry in her voice. 

Was it? Something he needed from her? 

... There could be, yes. 

Miss Emily was around Javier's age, right? She was old enough to get married... And it was a shame she wasn't already, with those nice hips of hers, and the generous breasts that she hid behind her uniform... 

“Master Lloyd?” 

“I could need something...” he breathed, his hand on the doorknob already.

“Please tell me. I will help you in any way I can.” 

“... Would you?” 

“Of course, young master.” 

She could help him, then, by getting naked and lying on his bed, obediently, while he licked her down open... Lloyd took a sharp breath, feeling his body burning painfully. 

It hurt already. 

It would be better to get over with it already; Miss Emily said that she would do anything. And he was sure that her folds were going to taste just wonderful once he got her wet with need... Oh, he wanted to bury his head in her breasts and lick and suck  on them until they fed him with milk, once had her full and pregnant, leaking his seed under her skirt every day— 

“Emily! Get away from there, now!” 

. . .

His hand went down his own body and started rubbing his dick, still trapped under his clothes, before he could stop himself. And his mind went along with the initial thought, imagining Javier on bed, shirtless, his pants barely open and jerking off... 

Lloyd cursed under his breath and turned in bed, opening his own pants in a hurry. 

If he were there, with Javier, he would stop him from using his own hand and help him instead. He would use his mouth, then, and suck him off until had him cumming in his throat, on his face, and ride him for a second round.

What if Javier wanted him  to fuck him first? He would take his time, preparing him thoughtfully, using his mouth, his tongue on top of his fingers...

“Fuck...”  he cursed, swearing at himself for not having anything to be used as lube to finger his ass. 

He had to ask for oil, next time. 

. . .

[oflights]

top 10 books of 2023!!

thank you for tagging me, @elskanellis! i started drafting this right away, ran out of time to post it on 12/31, and am ~circling back now. i read 50 books in 2023, and these are my top 10 faves!

titles, brief #thoughts, etc. under the cut!

Himself, by Jess Kidd

this was so incredible and heart-wrenching and exciting to read. devastatingly beautiful/cheerful dirtbag lad busts into a small irish village to find out what happened to his mother, who was almost certainly murdered, and turns everything upside down. every character is so entertaining and funny and sharp, even the villains. the ending is incredible.

The Winners, by Fredrik Backman

i'd recommend this whole series, even if you don't care about hockey; it's so, so good and emotionally devastating. at its base, the series is about a hockey team in sweden, but really, this series belongs to the character of Benji Ovich, and it's a masterclass in building up a queer hero. it's unflinching in dealing with all that he goes through, and handles a lot of really difficult topics with deftness. the heart of his story, for me, is the question of what happens when you're in love with your best friend who is actually a despicable, evil person, and how can you ever forgive yourself for it?

The Iliad, translated by Emily Wilson

do i have to evangelize this one anymore? it's so fucking good. i've read it about 10 times at this point, i just couldn't bring myself to be finished with it. it's so refreshing and approachable and makes every single character leap off the page. it doesn't pull a single emotional punch (because homer doesn't! and wilson's like "don't look away!")

A Map for the Missing, by Belinda Huijuan Tang

this is one of those books that really comes together as a whole; i didn't know it was going to be a fave until i was finished with it. a chinese immigrant has to go back home to help search for his elderly father, who's gone missing. as he goes, every single thread of his past is tugged on and unravelled and the complexity and depth the narrative achieves is really astounding. the last few pages are an absolute gut-punch.

A Power Unbound, by Freya Marske

purely here for how it redeemed the entire series for me. i'm actually not a big romance person, though i did read more romance than ever this year; i just usually tend to get bored with the same sorts of romance tropes over and over (probably because that's what i read fic to get, not tradpub novels). this one doesn't do anything new or reinvent those tropes or anything, it's just really, really good and engaging and hot. the romance outshines the magic system/plot by far. i'd recommend the series overall, but this one has the best relationship in it AINEC.

Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries, by Heather Fawcett

why do i always like middle grade authors who pivot to adult books waaay more than YA authors who do the same? like how are they so much better? that's definitely the case here. this is really fun fairy book (i went through a fairy phase over the summer) and packed a surprising emotional punch and a really lovely romance. i think it helped that the main character have major howl and sophie vibes. i'm excited for the sequel to come out in a few weeks!

Slewfoot, by Brom

god this was absolutely horrifying and brutal and also incredible? i actually can't believe this is here because it lost me through some of the worst of the witch trial torture (it goes really hard on it, as a warning, and i almost stopped there. her poor cat :/ i can almost never handle it when a cat dies) but!! i'm glad i stuck through because of the ending, which is phenomenal and makes every other bit of it worth it. the mythology is terrific and terrifying, too.

Small Things Like These, by Claire Keegan

possibly the best novella i've ever read? it just packs an incredible punch; it doesn't waste a single word, every square inch is a devastating look at the magdalene laundries and it doesn't hold back at all. so, so good.

Half a Soul, by Olivia Atwater

i'm so glad i discovered olivia atwater this year! this was during the Fairy Phase and it was just really fun and engaging. again, big howl and sophie vibes (this is such a high compliment from me) and i really love the second book in this series, too. it's just a really fun world to get lost in, and i'm excited to read more from this author this year.

He Who Drowned the World, by Shelley Parker-Chan

i had some problems with this, and i didn't love it as much as the first book, though i actually think most of those problems could've been solved with a third book and a longer runway. really wish this was a trilogy. that being said, this was still incredible. i loved every single narrative thread, there were zero emotional punches pulled, and i still think about these characters all the time. read this series if you haven't!!

[outofangband]

(Reposting this mini post because I inevitably had more to say also I’m still sick so like, apologies if this is even more rambling than usual)

Previous post on this

“Morwen (Brodda) had seen once when he rode to her house on a foray; but a great dread of her had seized him. He thought that he had looked into the fell eyes of (an elf) and was filled with a great fear lest some evil should overtake him. And he did not ransack her house nor discover Túrin else the life of the true heir would have been short.”

Just a fun linguistics note! Fell in this instance is an archaic word, meaning, fierce, cruel or terrible, and actually is where the word felon comes from

I know I already rambled about this forever here and in a number of posts in my word ran among them tag but I just literally cannot ever stop thinking about the language used in this scene

I will never not be obsessed with this passage. It’s such a visceral description of fear and it is entirely distorted. It’s such a jarring jump to the perspective of a minor villain figure, something that we don’t usually see in Tolkien, not like this

The language!! It’s so strong!

“A great dread of her had seized him”

“Filled with a mortal fear, Lest some evil overtake him”

Morwen looks at him and he is afraid for what? His life? His soul? He thinks Morwen, or what she can do*, is evil! It’s hard to explain but the use of the word here feels similarly jarring to the use of the word horror being used about this same character in BoLT, albeit for opposite reasons

What does he fear in that moment?

And just in that line! Lest some evil overtake him! Brodda clearly believes that the evil is the other! Not himself, despite his literally working for Morgoth! It’s just a really interesting line with such a plethora of implications.

It shows very clearly what he considers evil or at least what he doesn’t. It’s not what he’s doing to Aerin, it’s not what’s happening to the other Hadorians, it’s not the murder of a nine year old that the passage says would have happened if he had entered the house.

The evil, to him, is Morwen.

Another thing  I think is interesting because when humans in Tolkien are compared to the elves it’s typically an honor! It’s because they’re seen as particularly beautiful or elegant or observant/sharp, etc but here it’s like…dehumanizing? Othering? It’s beyond a negative thing, it’s a call to violence that Morwen avoids then only because Brodda *is* so afraid of her. It’s not a fear there’s any safety in though. Quite the opposite.

I went into the legacy of this scene in the notes of my post on food control in post Nírnaeth Hithlum and am almost done with a longer post about this! But it’s so disturbing. Obviously what is most horrible about Brodda is what he does to Aerin - and she is often the most immediate victim of his hatred of Morwen, the most obvious example of this being how he beats her for her aid to Morwen (what I went into the implications of in the previously mentioned post). I do not want to ever mitigate this. But there are branches of misogyny overlap and there is something disturbing about his hatred of Morwen in itself as well.

Does this make sense? Again I have another post about this so I don’t want to go too much into this but I hope this makes sense.

*which of course she cannot actually do! I do love to make fun of Brodda endlessly for this scene but as I said in my main post about it, there’s absolutely nothing funny about it for Morwen. It’s terrifying and imbued with the threat of violence; not abstract or superstition based but real, tangible violence that Morwen, especially as a survivor of the Bragollach, has likely seen firsthand

Other note: I’ve always imagined that Morwen is standing in the threshold of her house and stepped out if not to confront him than to put herself between him and Túrin. I suppose it’s possible she was already outside or something, obviously there’s no way to know. But I personally have always imagined that she steps outside when she realized someone was approaching. I think the courage there is extremely profound especially as she had no way of knowing that Brodda would flee like that.

Final notes: someday I will post my writing of this scene from Brodda’s perspective because it’s one of my favorite pieces I’ve done lately.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I enjoyed that latest Taskmaster episode a lot. I don’t know why I’ve hardly written any posts about this season since it started, as it’s been really good. Here’s a brief summary of my updates opinions four episodes in:

- The main thing I wanted for Nick was a chance to show off his magician-related skills. He got that chance in the tension task… it did not go as I’d predicted. However, he has made up for breaking my predictions by turning out to be the sweetest person in the world. It’s been a while since we’ve had a proper cinnamon roll on Taskmaster. I think his gentle banter with Greg continues to be the funniest thing he brings, it’s delightful every time.

- Steve Pemberton won me over in the first couple of episodes, but then lost me pretty hard by admitting he broke that egg on purpose, I must admit I am now pretty focused on hoping he loses specifically as punishment for that. I got mad at him then for sacrificing the task in order to play to the TV edit/try too hard to be funny – he’s done similar things several times since, like imposing extra rules in the Mr. Blobby task and writing puns in the hand task. It is not in the spirit of Taskmaster! He’s probably basically fine but I want him to lose so that future Taskmaster contestants understand you do not come here to perform, you come here to play. I don’t even just hold that belief because of how competitive I am, I also think it’s much funnier if you let you and throw yourself right into the game, which he’s not quite doing, and it disproportionately annoys me.

- I find Sophie Willan’s unpredictability entertaining. Usually she’s shit at the tasks, and every once in a while she’ll be great. She has no idea what’s going on almost ever but apparently has a good eye for art. She talks to horses. She nearly drowns in a river that only goes up to her waist. She demonstrates sexy dances that literally no one asked her to do? She has never seen this show before. You never know what she’s going to bring to the table next.

- All right, Joanne McNally’s won me around. She went in with a significant deficit in my opinion of her because I say some quite shitty things on a different TV show once, but four episodes in, she’s been entertaining enough for me to forgive it (I mean… I don’t actually forgive the sentiment expressed, but I can decide I like her enough to choose to assume it was just a misguided attempt to be funny). She’s breathing life into tense situations and tension into situations where the task explicitly requests it. She’s also never seen the show before but she’s throwing herself all the way into it. She’s consistently funny. She’s sharp and knows what’s going on, task-wise, almost all the time, while making it look fairly effortless. She didn’t do the prep work but I respect that she still showed up to play.

- Well, we haven’t had the full-on meltdowns from Robins, but I kind of knew that would happen, as they caught him just as he was moving into his “sober and more enlightened” era. It will always be a loss that Taskmaster never cast Farthinggate-era Robins when they had the chance, but I’m actually surprised at how much I’m enjoying “on his best behaviour Robins”. Mainly because it is visibly incredibly difficult for him to not have competitive meltdowns and to play it as chill as he is (which still isn’t very chill, it’s just chill compared to what he used to be), and the tension of that difficulty can be very funny. Maybe it’s like how people trying to avoid swearing on the radio is funnier than just hearing them swear. I’ve heard John Robins have plenty of proper competitive meltdowns – it is a new and uniquely entertaining thing to watch him sit there and try to physically force every nerve in his body to not do that. A whole new level of the pointless intensity. Those team tasks especially have potential for it. Also, they’ve used the same joke several times now, but I don’t mind at all. They could keep implying that John’s fucked up a task and giving him time to panic before saying it’s fine – that might get old after 100 or so episodes, but 10 episodes wouldn’t be nearly enough for that to stop being funny. I’d be fine if they keep it up all season. I desperately hope he wins but I also hope they torture him.

I have to admit I may have got too into the competition too early in this season, because normally it isn’t until the last few episodes, if the scores are tight, when I start to get really concerned about whether it’ll end up going my way. But yesterday, while watching episode four, I found myself genuinely stressed during every task because of how much I want John Robins to beat Steve Pemberton. I mean, I want him to win, but I specifically want him to beat Steve Pemberton, because I do not want someone to get away with being smugly too good to throw himself entirely into Taskmaster. I’m too invested. I knew John had gone in one point ahead of both Steve and Joanne, and I was keeping score in my head throughout the episode, of how far each score led him to extend his lead over both of them. I don’t usually count points as the episode goes along until episodes 9 or 10.

Most tasks I’m less interested in John’s total score and more interested in his score relative to Steve. I realize Joanne is also competitive and a threat to win and I want him to beat her too, but I don’t think she’s as likely to win overall, she’s not as competitive in general and the only reason she’s so close to the top right now is she got a lucky 5-0 that’s not likely to repeat itself. Also, if she wins I’ll be disappointed, but not nearly as disappointed as I’ll be if Steve does.

Anyway, I thought episode 4 was great fun. It does feel a bit more “simmering” than some other Taskmaster seasons – I almost wrote “gentle” but I don’t think that’s quite true, because there seems to be a lot going on. It’s just not all being shouted the way it is in some seasons. I like it, I enjoy the unpredictable mystery of Sophie Willan and the incomprehensible charm of Nick Mohammed and the understated arrogance of Steve Pemberton (in a “fuck this guy but he makes a good villain” way) and the simmering anger of John Robins. Also Joanne McNally is there, cheerfully shouting whatever thoughts occur to her, and they’re almost always funny.

One note I do have to mention in writing a post about Taskmaster s17e04 – if you have a good friend who’s recently quit drinking due to quite a severe and life-ruining alcohol addiction, with rum as his drink of choice for a number of years, you should maybe not trick him into drinking rum on national television even if it’s non-alcoholic? Ed Gamble said on the podcast that he thinks the rest of them got regular rum and only John got special non-alcoholic rum, and I think/hope Ed was wrong about that, because you really shouldn’t trick people into drinking hard liquor at work even if they’re not alcoholics in recovery. Especially since any of those people could have gone all in and drank the whole glove for a laugh. Going out of their way to procure special non-alcoholic rum is a pretty weird thing to do when Ribena has been used on the show before and has to be cheaper/easier to find/avoids the thorny issue of alcohol altogether. I found it funny that they threw pickled onions in there, because anyone who’s listened to John Robins on the radio will know he’s obsessed with pickled onions; I figured Alex added that as a sort of in-joke with his friend, to the point where it’s almost unfair that by being friends with Alex, John gets an item on the task tailored to things he’s most likely to recognize. But Alex will also know that rum was John Robins’ drink of choice for a long time (I mean, I know it, so I'm pretty sure his real-life drinking buddy Alex Horne does), which sort of makes putting rum in the task look like an incredibly twisted and fucked up version of that joke. I'm sure it was just an oversight, but still, pretty big oversight. Even if they didn’t have an alcoholic in the cast, why bring alcohol into it at all when you could just use some other drink that starts with R?

Having said that, does anyone know if non-alcoholic whiskey can replicate the burning sensation of the real thing, or does it just try for the taste? Asking for a friend who's trying to give up whiskey but really misses it and specifically misses its burning qualities and that friend is me. I actually hadn't thought about non-alcoholic hard liquor until Alex mentioned it on the show, I just knew about non-alcoholic beer and wine. I might look into that. But anyway, they probably shouldn't feed it to people who are at work without warning.

[andoqin]

List of dramas that I am watching or want to watch, just for personal record reasons:

Cdramas:

The ingenious one (36/36): this drama has blown me away so far with its incredibly nuanced and sharp writing, its love stories between all the major couples and the absolutely magnificent cinematography. FINISHED verdict: HIGHLIGHT drama of the year for me so far. Smart, engaging, complicated, peak romance of all sorts, just what the doctor ordered tbh (overly long review can be found in my tags). 9.5

Chang Feng Du (40/40): I did not realise how close to the end I was. This drama is very pleasant and I adore our mains, but sadly except for a few highlights (the early beating gjs put on himself, the destruction of the gu family and the aftermath, the battle for wangdu) the writing hasn’t been able to keep the narrative tension up which is sad. FINSHED verdict: Very pretty and engaging in the beginning kinda loses me in the second half and then fizzles out emotionally, doesn't crash and burn but doesn't exactly stick the landing either 6.5

Gone with the rain (10/30): adore the gremlin4gremlin couple and from the spoilers I’ve seen not gonna adore much else

An ancient love song (1/16): incredible first episode and with only 30 min per ep and 16 eps in total this is gonna be a short fun ride I hope ( with lots of angst and tears naturally).

Here we meet again (18/32): started this for Wu Qian playing to type and Zhang BinBin being pretty but oh boy I’m struggling I just don’t care about the conflicts and in s surprising twist, I like the flashbacks to high school much much more, which is very funny if you think about the fact that the reason I started liking wu qian in the first place was because of her show stealing performance in the flashbacks of My Sunshine. I’ve been promised kisses in the near future so I’m gonna hold out till then but this might end up another drop.

Hidden Love (5/25): this one promises to be v sweet and kinda short but oh my god I have so many dramas on my plate rn so this might end up the first drop.

Till the end of the moon (22/40): I think I watched ep 1 when it started but then I got busy and now I am just staring at gifsets and crying, it’s definitely on the list to watch tho.

Heroes (6?/38): I started this a while ago, was really into it and then got busy… dammit. I might just rewatch the beginning so I can remember most of the set up for sure but man the visuals on this were so good, aaaa liu yuning.

Blood of youth (0/40): the last 12 months really have spoiled us with interesting looking wuxia dramas and this one is definitely on the list, I have been gifbaited once again.

Ray of light (0/30): usually hs dramas are something I avoid, but because I will not be watching the longest promise, for reasons, and bc @storge is a gifmaking temptress, this has made it on the list.

The legend of anle (0/39): Lmao trust YOUKU to screw up the release with bad subs only 1 ep even for vips and no released schedule… but at least I can put this on the backburner for now. Lmao should have known not to trust a youku dilreba drama, the tl has soundingly spoken and I'm gonna avoid this.

Ancient Detective (0/24): I was recced this by a friend when I mentioned my love for wuxia dramas, and since it’s almost shockingly short for a cdrama it’s on the list. EDIT: this got @purplehanfus seal of approval so it is def going up the list and since it's complete I'll probably at least watch it before the ongoing ones.

Butterflied love (0/22): see I barely made this post and already forgot about the screencap that got me started on writing it, the screencapa look great, but the drama is on mango, so who knows when I’ll truly be able to watch this

When I fly towards you (0/24): Well, I wasn't interested bc modern youth drama, but then I heard it described as "updated It Started with a Kiss" and... I'm weak? ISWAK was pretty much my crack gateway into asian dramas and while IDK if i could rewatch it today, something in me will always love this kind of story. Maybe it's like a quick palate cleanser in between since apparently eps are only about 30 mins.

Mysterious Lotus Casebook(0/40): CHENG YIIIII, in a possibly bromantic role? Or maybe het romance, I'll take it all. Plus I've already seen he's bleeding copious amounts as per his contract, so that's most of the checklist done.

Lost You Forever (0/??): because nature abhors a vacuum I apparently must have?? A minimum to watch pile and this actually and genuinely looks good??? A Yang Zi drama in 2023??? The mind boggles. Anyway I've been reading the recaps with delight, and am def going to watch this when part two airs in a couple of months but until then I have a thankful reprieve...

Kdramas:

See you in my 19th life (4/12): since kdramas release so slowly this is on the backburner but it does have some great gifsets that keep enticing meee

King the land (2/16): I am watching this for junho but it is kinda hard bc I have so much else on my plate and while I don’t mind a classic romcom type story I feel I need a bit more of an emotional hook

Story of the nine-tailed 1938 (0/16): so so many gorgeous and hilarious gifsets so little time. I loved season one so so much and the fact that this focuses on the brotherly relationship?? Extremely smart writing decisions were made!

The red sleeve (0/16): I blame @dangermousie for this she keeps reblogging angsts junho on my dash and I am but god’s weakest warrior.

Love tractor (0/8): gay himbo farmboy falls in love?? You bet this is on the list

Lady durian (0/?): ok this is only on the list for crack reasons but, daughter in law is in love with mother in law and both women are like 40+ truly kdramas have entered a new era and I kinda wanna be here for that

EDIT: Revenant (0/12): Kim Tae Ri in a spooky drama? POSSIBLY POSSESSED KIM TAE RI??? how could i forget to put her on this list, plus it was written by the Kingdom writer and I adore that drama plus it's only 12 eps which is smart in this case so... let's hope i get to it at some point D:

My dearest (2/20): I checked this out because it's got pretty much everything going for it from a production standpoint and boy did the first two eps deliver. This has got 2 seasons though so I'll probably wait until the second season is airing, since it won't be too long till season 2 or so the internet tells me.

My lovely liar (0/16): minhyun learned to act and I wanna see it happen!!

Jdramas:

Our dining table (2/10): ok this category is gonna be a bit shorter bc I haven’t watched too much drama recently but omg the gifs for this I am just crying thinking about it they look so cute??

Jack o‘frost (0/6): people have recced it and it’s short so here it is.

Utsukushii kare s2 (0/4): Season 1 was an unexpected delight so I hope s2 works just as well.

She loves to cook and she loves to eat (0/10): the manga for this is amazing (and hungry making) so I hope this adaptation holds up.

Ok this list is in no way exhaustive (well except for me being exhausted just trying toward this down) and probably subject to change ( I haven’t even looked at thaidramas or twdramas I gotta stop for now) but hopefully this will keep me on the ball and maybe I can add to it whenever a new tempting gifset crosses my dash…

[purefandomonium]

The Stubborn Player

Aaaaand I went and made another alternate version of Glitchy Red because why not? This isn't gonna end up like Connection, but I do have a few parts written so far. Ideally, I think it'll only be maybe 5-8 chapters long. This one will take more of a supernatural spin on it, and I wrote it using second-person POV, something I almost never do but have been meaning to work on. So yeah, this is just a little experiment. The file name is literally "stubborn player" because I haven't even come up with a title. It's also not meant to be taken too seriously. Honestly it's more of a gag because I got bored and needed to take a break from Connection, although I'm finally recovered from my injury enough that I can type again so I'll be posting more chapters at some point soon.

Red in this version is more sinister than usual (because that seems to be the easiest way for me to write him) and like some headcanons I posted a while ago, he thoroughly enjoys tormenting players. Keep an eye out for another headcanon list for this version because he is a bit different from the last alternate one I came up with. I'll probably post it this weekend, or the next if I don't get the time.

Can you tell I have a hyperfixation?

Writing below the cut.

What appear to be simple glitches in a barely-running game soon reveal themselves to be much more than that. The game, or rather, the main character of the game, is sentient. Sapient, even. Despite the murkiness surrounding his existence, one thing is very clear:

RED does not appreciate being treated like a puppet.

“This isn’t real,” you mumble in disbelief as the game refuses to turn off. You spend several seconds flipping the switch on and off to no avail. You’re rewarded with a firm ‘NO’ for your troubles.

Fine. Bastard can’t do anything if he’s not booted into a console, right?

Much to your dismay, the cart can’t—won’t—let you remove it. RED’s sprite remains in the overworld, smugness leaking through the pixels.

You’re not getting rid of me that easily, the text box reads.

You aren’t one to turn down a challenge. You go find the hammer.

------

Two hours. Two hours, multiple household tools, three knives, your car and a firearm later leave you with a totally undamaged—albeit irritated—Game Boy with Pokemon Red loaded into it.

The only thing that receives any damage is your neighborhood reputation when a few busybodies spot you in your yard, taking angry potshots at a children’s toy.

So you sit on your bed having a one-sided stare-down with said toy as you debate what to do next.

What’s wrong? If you’re so desperate to be rid of me, why not give me away to some other asshole?

“Because that’d be such a waste of three weeks and twenty dollars,” you reply, arms crossed. “And that’s not even taking into account the surprise shipping fee.”

You have sharp eyes, RED states suddenly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

You’re not like the others.

You aren’t afraid of me. You’re stubborn.

You look like you’ll be fun to break.

Only then do you fully register the comment about your eyes and wonder how the hell he can see you.

The only logical thing to do is flip him off.

Weeks went by with you trying—and failing—to destroy the game. It’s become a strange obsession, you being so determined to wipe the smug bastard’s hard drive. When you run out of ideas you decided to chuck him into the basement closet. He can sit there and rot in all his stubborn glory. You could pawn him off to some more sensible sucker, but really, it’s all about getting the last laugh.

You don’t find it so funny when you awaken the next morning to find him leaning over you, face right in yours.

Out of reflex you swing. It phases right through him and his evil smirk. Wasting no time in scrambling out of bed and backing into the opposite wall, you glare at him.

“The hell?”

“Did you really think I’d let you forget about me? I’ve had enough of that to last several lifetimes…”

His voice is tinny and unnatural, clipping in and out and pushed beneath a layer of static. It’s fitting for something as broken as he is.

A stray book is the first thing your hand finds and you throw it at RED in a futile effort to make him leave. As expected, it passes right through him, the intricacies of his face briefly fizzling into static before reverting back to his bemused expression.

He begins taking deliberate steps towards you, reveling in how you have nowhere to run. You meet his ruby eyes head on, sending a cold glare in response. As fucked up as this all is, you aren’t about to let some bit-crushed fuck get the better of you. Not without a fight, at least.

There is no more space between you. You watch RED closely, waiting for him to make a move so you can counter.

His left arm twitches.

RED grips your wrist so tightly you yelp. So much for trying to slip by. He keeps you in place as his left arm reaches into his jacket.

Despite the situation, your only thought is how unfair it is that he can touch you but not the other way around. You’d give a kidney to be able to deck him right now.

RED pulls out an item—the Game Boy you’d attempted to hide in the depths of the basement—and forces it into the hand he’s got a firm hold on.

“You forgot something,” he says, eyes alight with some strange emotion.

“You keep it,” you say as you try to free yourself. His touch is sending uncomfortable sensations along your wrist and arm, like his hand is comprised of small, electrified feathers. You hiss as he moves to grip your hand over the Game Boy, feeling leaving your fingers.

“I want you to keep it. It’s yours, after all.”

He backs away finally and you let out a curse as you cradle your sure-to-be-bruised arm.

“How about a game?” He watches your ever-sharp gaze attempt to pierce him again and laughs. You’re a fun one indeed.

“What the hell do you know about games, asshole? You can’t even play yours.” Damn your arm hurts. What did he do?

RED’s blithe façade falters for half a second, visage twisting into raw anger before he reigns it in. You are the most interesting player he’s ever had. He wants to have some fun with you, and he can’t do that if he slaughters you or drives you mad like the rest. He wants something different this time around.

How long can you possibly last against his unnatural torment before you either fall like the others or pass him along to his next victim?

RED laughs, the sound bouncing off the walls in weird ways as his form flickers and shifts.

You watch him all the while, trying to gauge what he’s thinking.

“Let’s see how long you hold up. You aren’t the first person I’ve tormented, but you’re the most fearless I’ve ever seen. Most people run screaming from me. But you…”

You suppress a shudder as his eyes flash brighter for a second. You’re finally realizing you’re dealing with something far more dangerous than a cursed video game. He’s watching you like you’re his prey. Despite this, you hold back a smirk.

You have the advantage of RED not realizing you’re more than the average ‘player.’

“You seem to think you stand a chance against me. So I’ll give you one. Either you succumb to madness or I somehow get fed up with you enough to leave myself. What do you think? Sound fun?”

You finally allow the smirk to show. “You’re on, Glitchy.”

[spiderlovergirl]

😂🎶😭 for the fanfic ask game!

😂 (What’s the funniest comment someone has left on a fic of yours?): I feel like this answer was harder to come up with than it should have been. After looking through my comments, I think the funniest ones are either a comment someone left on one of my Lord of the Flies fanfictions on Wattpad (that particular fic is only on Wattpad) that said "Wow jack should have just screamed in c sharp instead of the group using the conch" (copied and pasted), which is funny if you're in the fandom but probably means nothing if you haven't read the book. Or it's the comment someone left on my Norman-/Goblin-centric fic Car Crash (where Norman speeds through a red light on his way to work and gets t-boned by another car) that said "Dont use glider methods when on the actual road folks" (copied and pasted) which I thought was funny.

🎶 (What music do you listen to while you write?): I usually write without any music on. But when I'm struggling to write, I'll sometimes put on a playlist that's just a mix of a bunch of different songs, from pop to musical scores to movie scores and lots of other stuff. If I need to focus deeper on the writing sometimes I'll put on classical music.

😭 (Have you ever made yourself cry writing a fic?): I don't think I've ever fully cried writing a fic. But I tried to get close while writing the end of my Lord of the Flies fic I Promise, because the main character was close to dying and I wanted to make it as sad as possible (and then for the readers to realize that he didn't actually die). I've also tried to get close to tears at the end of the Post-NWH fic I'm currently working on, but to say more would be spoilers.

Sorry this took so long 😭😭. I always feel bad when I get an ask and then don’t reply for a long time. I hope it was worth the wait. Thank you so much for the ask! And thanks for asking multiple questions that made me feel good.

[epivanosilon]

reading demon slayer: chapter 30

title: 操り人形 (あやつりにんぎょう) || puppets

official english title: marionettes

this chapter had so few words that i decided to just put them all in one post. we'll go in my usual posting order, so we're starting with the name breakdown!

name breakdown

first is yet another one of inosuke's botched attempts at saying tanjirou's name. in this chapter, he calls him

紋次郎

read as もんじろう. i won't go into the kanji this time because they're not important to the joke being made. 紋次郎 is the given name of the main character of a novel called 木枯し紋次郎 (こがらしもんじろう), literally cold wintry wind monjirou. the novel was made into a popular period drama that aired from 1972 to 1973. monjirou is characterized as a lone wolf drifter type. here's a portrayal of him from a different drama, which aired in 1977:

more of an old reference than a joke, but the stark difference between monjirou and tanjirou as characters is quite funny.

the other name introduced this chapter is

累

read as るい. everyone's favorite lonely little spider demon has made his entrance. 累 is a noun meaning trouble, harmful effect, evil influence, implication, involvement. quite the variety in definitions there. in combination with other kanji, 累 carries meanings like accumulation, progression, increase, and total.

as a given name, rui is pretty modern. it is considered unisex, although i personally feel it sounds more feminine than masculine. it is not typically written with 累, more often using 留 (the りゅう in 留学) or 瑠 (as in 瑠璃・るり, lapis lazuli) for the る sound.

i'm not quite sure what to make of this name. it's a bit on the nose with the evil influence meaning, you know? not much else to say besides, well, yeah. he's a demon. he's gonna be a little evil. and of course he has a harmful effect on those around him (including his birth mother and father, rip)--he's a demon.

well, that's the longest portion of this post done. here's the rest of the vocab.

nouns

操り人形 – puppet, marionette | あやつりにんぎょう

お構いなし – having no thought for, having no consideration for, having no regard for, not caring about; disregarding, overlooking | おかまいなし

激痛 – sharp pain, acute pain, intense pain | げきつう

adjectives

情けない – miserable, pitiable, shameful, deplorable, pathetic | なさけない

強力 – powerful, strong | きょうりょく

verbs

言いつける – to tell (to do), order, charge, direct; to tell on (someone), tattle, report | いいつける

逃げ回る – to run around trying to escape, run from place to place | にげまわる

phrases

小便を漏らす – to wet one’s pants, wet oneself | しょうべんをもらす

uses 小便 (しょうべん), urine, pee, urination, and 漏らす (もらす), to let leak, let out. 漏らす can also be used on its own to refer to wetting oneself. inosuke turns this verb phrase into a noun (小便漏らし, bed-wetter in the official english) to insult murata.

and with that, chapter 30 is done! no adverbs or grammar notes this time. again, very sparse chapter for new vocab. next one looks more promising though. if you got to the end of this long ass post, thanks for reading! and please look forward to next chapter's posts.

[asirensrage]

important questions: what's the oc for? And also I want to hear everything about them even if I know nothing about the fandom.

Aw man, I didn't post that to get encouraged hahahah I don't actually know a lot about her, mainly because I haven't finished or caught up with the anime/manga yet. BUT who says I'll let that stop me. (I'm kidding...sort of.)

It's for Tokyo Revengers. I'm sure by now you (and everyone else) is well aware of how much I adore the trope/concept of "character arriving into another time/world" and isn't this fandom perfect for it (considering the main character time travels to his past self).

Anyway, the idea started in one scene where when he's like 14/15 and outside his house, he's watching these Mikey and Draken argue with each other and they start breaking his stuff as they throw it at each other and I just thought, "wouldn't it be funny if you had someone show up and be like "what are you doing?" and it turned out to be his sister, but as far as he knows, he doesn't have a sister??? so who is she?" (ngl, I explained this so much better to @emerald-valkyrie and I forgot to save it loll)

I don't know if you know the anime, so, you have the main character Takemichi, who somehow travels back and forth to 12 years in the past and is trying to save his old girlfriend from dying in the future from gang activity, but as he does so, he gets more and more involved with the gang and people in it. He becomes determined (where I'm at now) that the best way to save her is to take over the gang himself.

Now, add in his sister (my oc) Takara. She's a year older, generally unimpressed with the fact that she's there. She's aware that she didn't have a younger brother and had an entirely separate life before. The two of them admit the truth about each other (aka time travelling vs sudden addition to the world) and Takara basically offers to help Takemichi. Even though she woke up as his sister, she still somehow has memories of being his sister (those memories slowly come to Takemichi the longer she's there). No one else is aware that she doesn't really belong.

While Takemichi is well known for being a crybaby, Takara is less emotional. I think I might give her these traits I listed when I was playing around with the concept of what makes a problematic character problematic:

Negative traits: aggressive, manipulative, resentful, morbid/pessimistic, selfish, impulsive, antisocial  Positive ones: loyal, adaptable, adventurous, resourceful, intelligent, observant, playful, charming, 

I'm not sure yet what her role will be. I have a feeling in her attempts to help her brother she's going to find herself in a fair amount of trouble (especially because of who her brother is and his ambitions).

"The problem with having a brother who’s involved is that there’s no way to keep herself separate. Not really. She’ll always be a tool for leverage against him if he gains the power he wants and as many friends as Takemichi finds himself every time he returns, he has just as many enemies."

I have a couple scenes written that wouldn't leave my head but nothing really planned out. Like I have a bit of an idea of who her romantic interests are, but I'm also not certain and I think there is probably a difference of who she might be interested in vs who's interested in her. I think it would be interesting to mainly do it from her pov, especially to show the sharp contrast in Takemichi from when he's his usual 15years old self and when he's inhabited by his future self who's trying to save people.

Oh! I also have a sketch I did of her when I was trying to figure out what she'd look like related to him. Well, a couple but I'll show one.

if you can't tell, she's pissed. especially at being grabbed like that hahaha

Thanks for asking!! Even if it didn't fully make sense lol. I might be in the middle of creating a playlist for her but I also need to nail down what her personality is going to be like. (and if she has any skills....)

[fangaddict]

Soup or Salad

Hi so this is the fic I've been promising for months,the ending is kinda rushed so sorry not sorry for that!however I do have more ideas I might put on a post just going over that!

“It's cold outside," Martin sighed, shivering slightly. "So is turning the ac all the way up to max coldness really necessary Michael?" He said, irritation apparent in his voice. Michael simply chuckled "no, but is anything I do really necessary? And besides, I like seeing you both squirm." Martin rolled his eyes and looked over to Jon. Jon was currently submerged in the soup both of them were currently sitting in. "Yeah! And on top of it all, you're making me miss work for this." Jon said grumpily. Looking away with his arms crossed, "it's really annoying."He added with a mumble.He tried and failed to hide his flushed cheeks from everyone.

Michael stared down Jon as it smiled a gleefully sadistic smile "Would you prefer I just cut to the main course then my delectable, juicy, morsel?" it laughed and leaned in closer before snapping its jaws mere inches from Jon's face "I'm starving" it snarled,its lips curled into a malicious grin. Jon jumped back, he felt his hands grew ice cold and his pulse quickened as all the color drained from his face. Why was he so scared? He knew Michael wouldn't hurt him… right? "V very funny Michael… " he grumbled as he stuttered a bit, taken aback by the sudden and violent shift to a tone so threatening. He straightened up a bit and frowned slightly, then he furrowed his brow further."You don't scare me Micheal,I've dealt with a lot worse than you! Now leave me alone I'm trying to stay warm in this lukewarm soup,since you insist on keeping it so damn cold in here." As per usual, Jon was turning to denial as a defense mechanism for when he was afraid. However his body language betrayed him as he was now a shivering blushing mess.

"MICHAEL! I told you to be nice towards Jon, you know this is his first time so behave yourself or it will be the last time mister!” Michael’s sharp grin crashed into a frown as it rolled its eyes. “Finnnnneeee, I'll be nice and gentle with your Archivist.” Martin sputtered, “I don't own Jon like a dog Michael.” Meanwhile Jon was trying to not become as red as a tomato, much like how he was trying to scrub the now permanent memory of Michael snarling at him. His attention was quickly drawn back to a ‘clink’ of Michael’s spoon hitting the bowl as it scooped Martin up.

Michael was literally buzzing with excitement causing Martin to chuckle,"Finally done teasing now?" Martin said, still chuckling slightly. Michael paused before nodding and tipped the man in its mouth. Martin tasted like sweet and mild chamomile tea,a flavor it learned to appreciate as time went on. It continued licking the man in its maw now purring softly. However Michael had enough of tasting and wanted to move on to it favorite part,swallowing the cute lil snack down.

Jon watched in fascination as Michael gently tipped Martin into its gaping maw. It purred in satisfaction as it swished martin carefully in its mouth ,tasting every bit of him. An audible gulp is heard as Jon watches Michael place it's index finger on the lump that Martin made and traced it all the way down to its stomach. Michael sighed contently, rubbing its stomach affectionately. Suddenly a wicked grin played its face as it looked over to Jon, " oh, would you look at that, it's an all you can eat buffet!" it scooped up Jon onto the spoon as well "and it looks like you're on the menu tonight~" it teased.

I quickly covered my face with my hand to hide my blush. Just because this played into a very specific comfort fantasy doesn't mean I have to confess that to anyone.this was suppose to be scary,in fact it was scary. So why wasn't it now? How did I get to this point in my life? I don't know-

“You’re rambling Archivist.” Jon pauses. “Please tell me I didn't say that out loud.” Michael hums,"maybe you did Archivist,what do you think?". Michael’s sly Cheshire smile widened as it scanned Jon up and down. Jon buried his face into his hands even more,"I'm so sorry about that." Laughter erupts from the distortion, "why are you apologizing Archivist? You haven't done anything wrong so calm down and let me take you in,alright jon?" It's tone softened when using his name. Jon blushed even more at Michael's sudden change into a more softened tone, he definitely wasn't expecting it.

Michael was thoroughly amused by the Archivist's reaction so far,it was particularly entertaining to have the man open up to Michael like this. Something it didn't expect when suggesting this to the pair of morsels,however this wasn't unwelcome to it. "Alright anyways heart to heart aside you should probably just get on with it. It's really fucking cold out here Michael." The distortion quirked its eyebrow,"getting eager are we Archivist?" The tiny man sighed in annoyance as Michael chuckled,"Look you can call me eager all you want,however if you don't get on with it I swear I will just hop in your mouth Michael! It's cold and I'm tired. Let me have this, you neon trainwreck."

A cacophony of distorted laughter came from Michael,"My my if I knew you would be so willing I would have asked you for this sooner,but alright my lovely meal I'll go right ahead." It gently placed the tiny Archivist in its mouth,carefully avoiding catching his skin on its sharp teeth. The subtle bitter flavor of dark chocolate trailed Michael’s tongue as it licked the Archivist. Something that didn't pair well with the soup,however it didn't particularly care about its prey tasting good. Just the feeling on their small forms sliding down was enough to satisfy it. Speaking of which, the distortion figured Martin was worrying about Jon by now so it made its tasting session short before sending him down to join the assistant. Trailing a long finger down with him. 

Jon was gently squished down as Michael swallowed him down,it was slightly claustrophobic for him now that he was actually in this scenario. Granted he didn't know what to expect considering he didn't believe such a thing would be possible till today. Luckily this part went rather quickly,too quickly it seemed, before long the man was dropped on something that was soft and… that can grunt? "Glad you could drop in love."

Martin chuckled as Jon shot up and scrambled off him."I'm so sorry about that martin.Are you alright?I didn't hurt you too badly right?" Martin shook his head fondly."Yes Jon,I'm fine. You're barely skin and bones so you didn't hurt me that badly." Jon scoffed playfully,"I'm offended, my own boyfriend bullying me? How rude!"The taller man pulled the other into a hug,"Well maybe if you ate more you wouldn't be a walking stick man."Jon yawned."Mmm, still unfair." The two doze off soon after.

The first thing Jon awoke to was water gently pouring on him. The water was warm on his back and his hair was soaked by the time the man had fully awakened. “Finally awake Archivist?” Michael gingerly patted his head,"mmh yep.Im awake unfortunately." It giggled, "Apologies dear,however lucky for you I believe you are clean so I can now turn the water off." Michael turned the water off and gently patted Jon dry.

"Michael you don't have to do this,I can do this myself."Michael hummed in dissatisfaction,"Archivist have you mayhaps considered people want to take care of you?" Jon groaned in response."I suppose…but that doesn't mean I have to like it." A gentle purr came from Michael,"Hmmm well maybe you should like it because you deserve nice things Archivist. Now shush so I can get your dear assistant out."Jon rolled his eyes but stayed quiet.

After a while both Jon and Martin were dried,clothed, and back to normal size.the three of them laid cuddled on a couch,"Soooo how was it?" Michael broke the peaceful quiet with its excitement. Martin paused to consider the question, "it was nice,I wouldn't mind doing it again honestly. How about you Jon?" The other man perked up,"hm? Oh yes well,it was enlightening." The third non gendered party smirked deviously,"oh so that's what we're calling it Archivist? Does that mean I did a good job then?"Jon shook his head."Not going to comment on that,but yes you did well and I wouldn't oppose doing it again.With advanced notice,I don't want to skip out on my work." The two men were gently pulled closer as Michael let a soft purr out."Of course, Archivist.I wouldn't dream of it!" It was lying.