#I used to have fun with words until I finished my linguistics degree

[chronicanthropologic]

THANK YOU. I have been seeing these posts and I had to stop myself from interjecting. People just don’t know how to fully describe what they’re discussing. Like yes it breaks the fourth wall, that does not make it a pronoun. Nor are 4th person pronouns a thing. This isn’t a new linguistic phenomenon, it is literally just a noun being used as a noun. Nouns describe a person, place, thing, concept, or idea. The use of “chat” when referring to a group of people is just a noun to refer to the people utilizing the chat. Pronouns are replacements for nouns (I’m too tired to get into this fully, but words like you, me, y’all, them, she, him, etc). Chat is not replacing a noun. It is literally just the noun. Thank you.

I keep seeing the "chat is a fourth person pronoun" post and it's getting increasingly hard to avoid starting discourse in the notes of it. chat I don't think they know what these linguistics terms they're using mean

[gubler-me-up]

Broken Telephone

Request: Spencer Request. You're new to the team, having transferred from the NYPD and are also studying for a Doctorate at the same time. Spencer falls in love with you straight away, but saddens when he hears you talking to JJ about a guy you do a load of fun activities with a guy and a little girl. He assumes you're taken and it breaks his heart. Eventually, he finds out you were talking about your cousin and his daughter & asks you out on a date, and you say yes.

A/N: Thanks for the request, anon! This was a really cute, fun request to write! Starting it was tough though because I didn’t know the exact tone I wanted for it. I hope it’s okay though! When I was reading through the beginning part before I edited it I was like “I have a whole degree in English and I can’t even write properly i hate it here” LOL the first paragraph was a MESS but I fixed it. I think the rest is fine! Enjoy, love!!

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Category: Fluff

Content warning: None

Word count: 1.7k

-------------

Upgrading from NYPD to the BAU was probably your greatest career move to date. You hated how NYPD operated and dealt with crimes. It made you so frustrated. If you weren’t born and raised in New York you wouldn’t even be a part of NYPD. You felt as if New York would always be your home, but sometimes you had to branch out to find what’s best for you.

Moving to Washington, D.C. was a completely new start for you and you felt as if it were only right you changed a few things about yourself. First, you cut your hair shorter. Very cliche of a restart arc, but you thought you’d feel free with less weight weighing your head down. You also bought an actual house. After years of living in a small, cramped apartment you thought it was right to invest in something bigger and more welcoming.

The biggest thing you were proud of during the transition to the BAU was finishing your Ph.D. in Linguistics. You had wanted to complete it years ago, but found it difficult to focus on it while at NYPD. With the bureau they allowed you to work on your Ph.D. as long as you worked your agreed-upon hours every week. It felt amazing to finally have a support net to motivate you towards your dreams.

You weren’t the only one excited about your Ph.D. though. Your coworker, Dr. Spencer Reid, couldn’t wait to see you during your time in to discuss your Ph.D. with you. As soon as you walked to your desk, he’d be the first one to greet you with a huge, lovable smile, rosy red cheeks and a sparkle in his eyes. You had never seen someone so animated over linguistics before. If you two weren’t talking about linguistics or random facts he would spurt out, the conversation was about you.

On one particular day though, the good doctor was running late to work. You were kind of disappointed you weren’t greeted with a daily dose of facts early in the morning. The second best thing happened when JJ walked towards your desk with two Starbucks coffees.

“Ugh, if I knew you a few years earlier, I would have married you before Will could ever dream to,” you said.

She laughed. “I don’t think Spence would allow that to happen without a fight. He’s been quite the busy bee around you.”

She handed you your drink as you pondered on what she said. Just maybe he had a slight crush on you. The way he expressed his interest was adorable for sure. You preferred his way of flirting over the typical sexualized pick-up lines many men in your life have used.

“Are you saying super-genius Dr. Spencer Reid has a crush on me? I won’t believe it until he runs some tests about your theory,” you said as you took a sip of your coffee.

“Maybe he’ll ask you out one of these days between statistics,” she said.

You smiled. “That would be nice. I just hope he doesn’t do it this weekend. Remember I told you how Adrian was visiting this weekend? He’s bringing the little one with him.”

“Oh, really? What’s their name?”

“Her name’s Rhea. She’s the cutest little thing ever.”

You pulled out your phone to look for a picture of them. You found a picture of the three of you from a few months ago before you left for D.C. You turned your phone to JJ and she instantly melted.

“Oh my gosh, she’s adorable,” she said.

You proudly smiled. “Right. She’s the cutest four-year-old I know. I think I was the happiest one in the room when I met her for the first time. Adrian was a puddle of tears and nerves from the reality of taking care of this little girl forever. He treats her like an absolute princess.”

“You both are lucky to have her in your lives. She looks like a ray of sunshine.”

“She is. We do so many fun things together. The last time we hung out we went to this trampoline park. This weekend we’re going to the food festival.”

“That does sound like a lot of fun. Maybe I’ll bring Will and the kids there.”

You were going to respond to JJ until you noticed Reid sitting at his desk which was diagonally across from yours. You hadn’t even noticed him come in at all let alone sit down to start his workday. He had already buried his nose deep into case files. JJ looked at Reid with as much confusion as you did. He was never quiet unless something was troubling him.

“No fact today for me, doctor?” You joked.

He looked up at you. He had no sparkle in his eye or a blush painted on his face. He looked disappointed. You were confused as to what made your chatty doctor become so mute.

“I just wanted to start these case files,” he said.

“You sure there isn’t anything wrong, Spence?” JJ asked.

“No, I’m fine. I just gotta finish these before Hotch comes in,” he said.

He then buried his face back into the file without uttering another word. You and JJ looked at each other. You were concerned there was something wrong, but JJ’s look said to leave it alone for now. You sighed and took another long sip of your coffee. You stared at him out of the corner of your eye. You hoped whatever he was going through he’d tell you eventually.

————

You packed your things up to leave 20 minutes ago, but stuck around your desk until you saw Reid also getting ready to leave. You wanted to inquire about his miserable attitude towards you. You noticed throughout the day he was normal with everyone else except you. When you tried to spark conversation, he would give you quick, to the point answers before he made a B-line back to his desk. He gave you no choice but to crack him.

As soon as you saw him put his books and files into his satchel. He swung the strap around his shoulder and made his way to the door. He didn’t even look at you the whole time he got ready to leave. This was getting ridiculous to you. You picked up your purse and ran towards him before he caught the elevator.

“Spencer,” you called out.

He turned to look at you. “What’s up?”

You looked at him confused. “What’s up with me? What’s up with you?”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you haven’t talked to me or even looked at me longer than a second today.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“You weren’t too busy to tell Morgan how many microscopic mites were living on his face today.”

“I thought it was valuable information he needed to know.”

“And you didn’t think it would be valuable to tell me?”

“In the moment, no.”

He went to go press the button for the elevator but you stopped his hand. You grabbed his hand tightly to make sure he didn’t escape your grip. He looked at you as if he was uncomfortable with you touching him. You knew awhile ago he had thing about not liking to shake hands, but you had stepped over that barrier with him a long time ago.

“I don’t think you should be doing this,” he quietly said.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Why not?”

“I feel as if I’ve been intruding,” he said.

“Intruding on what?”

“Your family life.”

You let go of his hand as you stood there in shock. You didn’t understand what he meant when he said that. If he wanted to ask you out all he had to do was ask and you’d sort out your schedule. Adrian and Rhea would understand if you took a few hours to go on your first date in over two years.

“You think you’re intruding on my family life? How so?” You asked.

“If you really want to know I wanted to take you to the food festival this weekend because I know how much you love unique foods, but then I heard you and JJ talking about your partner and daughter coming this-“

“Hold up, wait,” you said before bursting into an uncontrollable laugh.

He looked at you funny. You watched as he stared in confusion as you laughed at his interpretation of your conversation with JJ. To be fair you had never mentioned Adrian and Rhea to him before, but you didn’t know he’d be eavesdropping in your conversation with JJ.

“You think Adrian’s my partner and Rhea’s my kid? Well, I’m proud to say that for once in Dr. Spencer Reid’s life he is completely, utterly wrong.”

“What?”

“Yeah, Adrian’s my cousin and Rhea’s his daughter. They’re coming to visit me from New York for the weekend. Adrian’s basically like a big brother to me.”

His face went from confused to embarrassed in a fraction of a second. His face turned to that noticeable red and an awkward smile spread across his face. You continued to laugh at his demeanour as you pressed the elevator button, so the two of you could actually get going.

“Oh. I’m so sorry for being weird to you, Y/N. I just felt terrible for thinking about asking you on a date while you were in a committed relationship,” he said.

“I get it, I do. I think you can make it up to me though,” you said.

The elevator dinged and the two of you stepped inside. He looked at you in amusement. You looked back at him with a big smile on your face and big, hopeful eyes. He couldn’t help but laugh.

“Would you like to go on a date?” He asked.

You nodded your head. “I’d love to. We can even go to the food festival, so you can meet Adrian and Rhea in person.”

“That would be nice. I heard you telling JJ how lovely they are.”

“I bet they seem even lovelier now that you know they’re not my partner and child.”

“You can say that.”

—–

MASTERLIST

[whitneyreads]

ASD/Asperger’s  Syndrome Testing: The Lowdown

A week out from ASD/Asperger’s testing, and I’m still a bit bewildered by the sheer volume of data they collected. A user on Reddit recently inquired in the r/Aspergers subreddit what sorts of tests, questionnaires, and activities were involved in testing, and, while it seems to vary to some degree from one testing center to the next--and likely from one country to another--it seems that the standard expectation is for questions about your social skills, cognitive tests to determine skills and IQ, and the occasional activity to see how you function in action.

My test ran just over four hours. It would have been a longer set had I taken a break, but I had prepared to go for the long haul by packing snacks and water. My experience was a bit unique in that I had a PhD psychologist along with a PhD student who was earning his clinical hours. I worked thus with two specialists, both of whom were not only knowledgeable but knew how to communicate with individuals on the spectrum. The patience in listening, the careful explanations, even the manner in which they occasionally redirected me to do what they needed for proper assessment--it all translated to understanding the group with whom they worked most closely. And that made the entire process all the more comfortable for me.

The battery started with a pattern re-creation exercise where I was shown graphical representations of designs and then asked to recreate them with colored blocks. I was timed each turn, and the difficulty grew until I was unable to recreate the last challenge. Frustrated, I asked for clarification on the parameters of the test and was met with vague instructions, which I assumed meant they were also testing me on how I solved the problem. I didn’t solve it, so we moved on to the next test.

Identifying the next item in a pattern is something I enjoy doing, and the pressure of the environment didn’t change this aspect for me; however, there were several for which I simply guessed in the test set. We pushed through them all regardless. Next was describing the meaning or features of various words. They grew in complexity as we went along, and as a linguist by training, I found the activity to be a fun challenge. But that was the end of the IQ portion as far as I could tell, which I thought odd. No math or calculations. No qualitative analysis at all. Just logic and verbal skills, which I suppose match ASD cognitive qualities.

Then came the questions interspersed with activities. The questions and topics were conversational and lent themselves to more open-ended discussions. Tell me about your friendships and relationships. What things to people do that irritate you? Describe what you do to relax. How do you feel in social situations? Tell me about your job and career. The psychologist seemed to understand a great deal of what I mentioned, as if he’d heard it multiple times before.

These questions and discussions were interspersed with activities to, as they phrased it, “get to know you better.” In one instance I was asked to use random objects to create a story; in another I was asked to stand up and retell a very short story I had just read but in my own words. In one I found very odd, I was asked to instruct the proctor on how to perform a common activity as if he’d never been taught how to do it. Each of these was extremely awkward for me, and though I occasionally thought I knew what they were assessing, I often finished the activity thinking they had been assessing something else entirely.

The final set was over 400 statements that I had to rank. Some were how well they applied to me. Others were how long, if at all, the statements had applied. Several questionnaires were on paper but a good portion was on the computer. What energy I had left was sucked out of me by the last bit, and I was extremely relieved when they announced the testing was complete.

To get a better sense of who I was, though, they did ask if they could contact my parents and my husband. I learned afterward that the discussion with my mother was to learn about any developmental issues I had experienced as a child, while the questionnaires they sent my husband were similar to those I had filled out, we presume for comparison with my own perception of my personality and habits.

I have over a week to wait before my appointment with the psychologist to learn the results. It’s an odd sort of anticipation: one the one hand, it would feel like validation to find out I do fit on the spectrum in any capacity because it would explain several issues I have experienced throughout my life; however, it’s a twisted sort of thing to hope for. My husband compared it to hoping for a diagnosis rather than the experience of a disorder, and I agree that that is an apt perspective. Though, it does little to calm my nerves with time left before I find out the full diagnosis.

[way-veee]

yān yǔ

rating: m

genre: romance, fluff, comedy, wayv being absolute crackheads

word count: 1.5k +

pairing: reader x wayv

pt. 4

you were typing up a section of your school report that was due yesterday in the cafe attached to the building that wayv was staying at. you’d been so focused on wayv that you only started it today.

your hands felt numb from typing as you wrote paragraph after paragraph in the afternoon sun with an iced latte. then you feel a hand on your back.

“hi!” kun says smiling. you smile back, you really liked kun. he was always nice to you and the boys and he seemed fun to be around. you just wondered why he was here.

he probably saw the confusion on you face, but ignored it. “what’re you doing?” he asks casually.

“oh im working on a school report.”

he nods, “i miss school.” 

“did you.. go to school?”

 he blushes at you embarrassed.

“nonono not like that” you laugh, “im genuinely curious, when you were training did you go to school?”

“i became a trainee after i finished high school so i didn’t have too unlike most trainees.”

you nod, curious. “do you ever think you’ll want to do any future schooling?”

taken a back by your question he thinks for a moment. 

“ i’d like to get a degree in aviation or aeronautical science.”

you look at him shocked. of course idols could be smart, but for some reason the thought never occurred to you here.

“wow...” you say. “that’s so fascinating... for any particular reason? or,”

he chuckles at how surprised you were. “yeah, i’ve always been interested in aircraft and that aspect of science. i tried to start training for a plane license, but it didn’t work at the time. i think i’ll have to wait a bit before i try again.

you know that “didn’t work at the time” meant that sm didn’t let him move forward with his training and “wait a little bit” meant when he was done performing and in his forties.

you decided not to say anything else, if you could just finish your stupid school work, you’d be free to work on your “plan” that with the boys.

“what do you study?” he questions, expecting you to say journalism or english.

“archaeology and linguistics.” you reply, frowning at your hypothetical coliseum excavation report.

“whoa.” he laughs, he was not expecting you to say that. you had to be crazy smart to study archaeology. and linguistics? no wonder you knew chinese you probably knew multiple languages. you were such a mystery it was astounding.

“that’s... um...” before he can embarrass himself even more or trip over words and blush in your face, he remembers why he came to see you in the first place.

“oh, when you get a chance, we wanted to talk to you in our room.”

“sure, i can come now if that’s okay”

he nods and smiles again. so you pack up your laptop. “am i allowed to be in your rooms?” you question.

“well, not exactly. but its not like we’ve never had strangers in there. as long as the staff members don’t come in,” he stops talking and faces forward red cheeked yet again.

because you didn’t have to think too hard on what type of strangers they would let into their bedrooms.

“its okay. i’ll put my hair up in a hat and if any of them come in they’ll just think i’m winwin.”

kun laughs hysterically at this and you grin. you liked making him laugh.

when you entered one of the boys bedrooms it was like you were a convict walking into a court hearing. all of the boys sat stone faced on the beds looking up at you.

then, amidst the thick quiet you hear xiaojun yawn, then winwin punches his exposed stomach for some reason and xiaojun squirms backwards falling on ten who yells hysterically and accidentally hits lucas in the face.

while all this is happening kun doesn’t blink an eye and looks at them with an “im done with these crackheads” look and just stands beside you.

you just stand there wondering how they possibly fit that many grown men onto a single bed.

after they finish whatever they were doing they become stone faced again and you're forced back up to the podium for your trial.

“i brought her here because we decided to talk about the thing” kun says trying to jog their memory.

“what thing?” lucas asks.

“ya i don’t remember anything about that.” hendery adds.

“after the cooking show?” kun says through gritted teeth.

“what cooking show?” hendery says, actually lost.

kun blinks once, twice then pretends like hendery never spoke in the first place.

“we never really discussed the details and our managers shouldn’t be bothering us today. so we wanted to seriously talk about it.”

you nod, like these guys could be serious.

“thanks again for what you did that day,” lucas says, then looking at winwin to say the same. but he pretends not to hear and looks away.

it was fine by you, you didn’t do it for his appraisal, you did it because you wanted to.

the room falls into a kind of stale silence until xiaojun gestures to an electric keyboard resting on their table.

“we hear you can play the piano?”

you death stare ten for telling everyone but he immediately looks away like he has no idea what xiaojun was talking about.

“yes, i use to play a lot more.” 

you really don’t want to play the piano right now. it was a sensitive matter and you’d definitely be awkward.

“can you play it for us?” xiaojun asks

“oh, no i don’t think i can,”

they all start to encourage you to play saying “come on” and “please,”

the piano falls in your lap and you try to protest as they turn it on. your face gets really hot because of this stressful situation. but then you all hear a knock on the door.

“boys? are you in there?”

fear enters everyone's eyes as the manager knocks on the door.

you thought that they weren’t supposed to be here today.

“uuuh just wait a second i’m naked!” yangyang yells.

you look over confused, “ you could’ve just asked him to wait”

before he has time to protest ten grabs you by the arm.

“we have to hide you now!”

“where?”

“i’m just coming to drop off lucas’s jacket he left, and i also wanted to discuss the fan meet  details!” 

“quick!” kun yells, shoving you under the white sheets of the bed closer to the window. as the manager walks in.

“here can i just leave it on the chair?” the manger questions, wondering why ten was lying vertically across the bed.

“um, okay. about the fan meet, the bus schedule has changed to 45 minutes earlier so be ready to leave in the lot at around 9:20.”

he keeps talking about their fan meet details as you majorly overheat under their thick covers. it didnt also help that ten was lying on your stomach literally crushing the air out of your body.

the manager finally leaves after what feels like an eternity and you gasp for air, sitting up.

“aagh!”

they all laugh at you with your messy hair and red face.

“did you really have to lie on my stomach?” ten looks innocently up at you after he rolls down to lie on your upper legs.

“hey i think i did a good job, he didn’t seem to notice anything.”

you stick your tongue out at him in revolt and he tries to grab it so you try to wrestle his hands down to his chest. after you somehow managed to push his hands down, you lean down on his chest as he coughs hysterically.

bet he didn’t like how that felt very much.

the boys were looking at you weirdly. so to break the silence you suggest, “why don’t we finish this in my room? staff members can’t just barge in because i am,”

“not an idol?” yangyang suggests.

“not worth their attention?” winwin adds

“you’re a laaady?” xiaojun says.

“you’re a ghost, like in the sixth sense, where it’s just in the boy’s head, but you’re simultaneously in all of our consciousnesses.” hendery says.

“how come i can touch things then?” you say lifting up ten’s limp arm and then letting it fall back down.

“well... you’re the kind of ghost that has an actual form and..” he trails off and you slowly say,

“ok.... well anyways let’s go there and we can discuss that more later?”

the boys get up and walk outside to enter your room.

you sit on your chair to let the seven boys take the bed. they inspect your room closely.

“wow your room is like way worse than ours.” lucas states looking disgusted around.

“ya you definitely got tricked, this must be a joke.” kun laughs looking at your small quarters.

“umm y/n?” yangyang says while pointing to a white lacy bra you had left on the ground at the foot of your bed.

“oops” you say slightly embarrassed. you go over and put it in your suitcase facing away from them purposely.

“okay,” kun says slightly blushing as well. “now for the details.”

you nod earnestly waiting.

“we want you to write an article about our mismanagement. its okay though, you can do it under a fake name so you won’t be fired, and we’ll give you all the information.”

“we need someone that’s good at writing to make the article readable.” lucas adds.

you laugh for about 30 seconds, and the boys wonder if they said something funny.

“you’re big plan is to write a strongly worded article?”

“well,” ten says. “it would technically be you writing the article.”

“I was going to write a strongly worded article anyways...”

“oh..” xiaojun says defeated. 

“i had something better in mind” you smirk.

they look at you in surprise, you had thought of them.

“do you guys have access to your albums drive on the producers computer?”

“sure” kun replies. “they give us some previews of beats and backtracks for our lyrics. also while yangyang was trying to download animal crossings on a company computer he downloaded a hidden file with the passwords for all sm music producers accounts.” kun glares at yangyang remembering that time.

“what? I didn’t meddle with anything, I could’ve easily adlibbed on sunny side up, but I didn’t because I’m responsible...”

everybody just looks at yangyang for a few seconds before returning to the conversation.

“what i’m suggesting, is you guys make the title track that you’ve always wanted too. do whatever you want, make an amazing track and right as the other title song is about to be released and sent for album production. you switch it out.”

“i don’t know...” winwin states, “wouldn’t they figure it out if they previewed the songs, then we’d be in big trouble.”

“no,” ten says back. “if you’re on the laptop you could just change the file name of the new track to the one they want us to release, and it’d be a single encryption for the producers.”

“how do you know this?” lucas replies.

“yeah you’ve never taken any computer classes hyung.” xiaojun replies.

“hey, we do things a little differently over in thailand. you need to be good a whole bunch of things.” 

“literally one of the only videos that we have of you in thailand is with red spiked hair rapping baby by justin beiber.” hendery yells at ten.

ten’s ears turn red immediately as he yells “okay but i also learned a lot about computers there too!”

“i think you just like to watch a lot of porn on company laptops.” lucas says. 

the boys break out into laughter as ten just slowly nods in agreement.

“do you guys like the idea? we can start working on it right away and I can also release an article on the song so the producers cant recall it.”

“okay.” kun says looking at wayv. “should we do this.” he looks at the others and you feel very out of place so you get up to leave.

“where are you going?” xiaojun asks softly.

“oh, i was just gonna give you guys a minute.” 

the boys look up at you with big round eyes.

“but we want you here.” yangyang says.

“yea, you’re apart of this too y/n, without you we wouldn’t be able to do this.” kun says smiling. 

you feel a large swell of emotions in your stomach at the boys kind words, you sit back down.

“we’re gonna do this.” ten says totally serious.

“we’re gonna do this.” they all respond back nodding.

“yay!” you jump up, “this is gonna be so fun! i can just imagine the coverage this’ll give the article! and you guys of course too is- are important i meant to say that first...” you stopped talking for the good of everyone.

they seem to find it endearing though, as they smile.

“alright then, we’ll start as soon as we get to bejing.” winwin says.

“wait but isn’t that in four days?”

“no y/n, we leave tomorrow, did you not hear the manager, or were you too preoccupied with my big juicy butt?” ten jokes.

“please never refer to your butt as big and juicy again, it was definitely the first one.”

the boys laugh definitely thinking of ten’s butt.

“okay, this has been fun but now i have to pack so..” you say it in a way so the boys would know that they should leave.

“oh, we don’t mind.” lucas says clueless.

“yea you can pack, you really wear the same two sweaters everyday.” winwin says smiling annoyingly.

“okay out for real now, i mean it.” they all get up and leave now, filing out.

they wave to you as they leave and you shut the door promptly. wondering how you got yourself into this mess, and how this was gonna end.

part 5 

[danhedonia]

4, 22 and 48, please?

4. “I’m too sober for this.”

22. “Did you just hiss at me?”

48. “Welcome back. Now fucking help me.”

using prompts from this prompt sheet (send me more!)

summary: “I feel like these directions were written in another language.” Phil whined as Dan finished sorting through the stack of what felt like hundreds of pieces of wardrobe in front of them. “It’s like I’m reading Japanese or something.”

“Phil.” Dan said, a soft smile spreading over his cheeks. “They’re pictures. How can they be another language?”

“I don’t know. I’m no language expert.”

“Don’t you have an actual degree in linguistics?”“

No.” Phil said with a pout. “Well, yes, but that’s not… it’s not the same! This is picture-istics.”

a/n: so this is meant to be in this video! they built a wardrobe together in 2012 and this is partially bits straight out of that vid and partially ‘outtakes’. it may be in 2012 but there’s literally no angst, it’s just fluff bc the vid is just fluff. fight me.

word count: 1.7k

rating: teen (some sex-related references, but no actual smut or even implied smut. there’s just a handjob reference that’s straight out of the video)

read it under the cut or here on ao3

“I feel like these directions were written in another language.” Phil whined as Dan finished sorting through the stack of what felt like hundreds of pieces of wardrobe in front of them. “It’s like I’m reading Japanese or something.”

“Phil.” Dan said, a soft smile spreading over his cheeks. “They’re pictures. How can they be another language?”

“I don’t know. I’m no language expert.”

“Don’t you have an actual degree in linguistics?”

“No.” Phil said with a pout. “Well, yes, but that’s not… it’s not the same! This is picture-istics.”

Dan laughed, loud and bright, and Phil couldn’t help giggle in response. “That doesn’t make any sense, you absolute spoon.”

“You don’t make any sense.” Phil shifted over, pressing his shoulder against Dan’s and looking at the pieces in front of them. “We should start. Staring at the Japanese pictures for even longer isn’t going to make us less confused.”

Once they had the first few pieces put together, Dan was trying to figure out what piece they needed next.

“Six.” Phil said without really thinking about it. His hands started absentmindedly rubbing over the piece of wood he had in his lap. Well, maybe it wasn’t entirely absentminded. Phil may act innocent on camera, but he knew exactly what it looked like when he made eye contact with Dan while his hands moved over the wood.

“Is it actually?” Dan looked up from the instructions. His eyes flickered from Phil’s face to his hands, which were pretty much giving their soon to be wardrobe a hand-job, and then back up to Phil’s eyes. Phil’s face was blank, a sort of faux-innocence that Dan knew all too well in his eyes, and Dan’s was somewhat incredulous. “Phil. Do you have - Do you.. have any idea what that just- no? Okay, no. Cut!”

Phil’s blank face dissolved into a small smirk as Dan’s eyes turned to the camera.

“If you’re under twelve, stop watching!” Dan said before turning back to Phil, who was also looking at the camera with red cheeks and a bashful smile.

“I didn’t know what I was doing!” Phil said, and Dan was entirely unconvinced. Phil pulled this sort of stunt all the time. He only pretended not to know what he was doing in front of the camera.

“And by twelve, I mean eighteen.” Dan continued, because it was best to just ignore Phil when this happened. Normally, he wouldn’t care, but they were on camera, and this sort of thing almost always led to flirting, and Dan would rather just move on rather than have to edit out fifteen minutes of footage later.

But then Dan heard a noise, something a bit strange that he hadn’t heard come from Phil’s throat in a while.

“Did you just hiss at me?” Dan asked, voice going a little high. Phil burst into giggles and covered his mouth. He nodded a bit, and Dan might’ve thought he looked endearing if he hadn’t just hissed. “Right. Dear god, is it two thousand nine again? Are you going to turn into Cat-Boy Lester again?”

“Maybe.” Phil’s body shook with laughter as he leaned closer to Dan, playfully pawing at his shoulder. “Meow.”

“Phil, oh my god, no.” Dan groaned. “I’m too sober for this.”

“Fine, fine. Let’s finish the wardrobe before I say ‘rawr’ and you spontaneously combust.”

The wardrobe was around halfway built at this point, and Phil was starting to screw in the second half of his screws. Dan was playing Fur Elise, per Phil’s second request. Moonlight Sonata got old after a little while.

“Do you reckon once this is built, we’ll be able to go to Narnia?” Phil asked as he turned a screw.

Dan paused for a moment, waiting until Phil looked up at him to answer. “No.” Phil slumped, and Dan managed to hold his laughter in for a moment. “Neither of us are magic uncles. This isn’t some ancient magical wardrobe made from a special magic tree. It’s a bloody ikea wardrobe.”

“You’re no fun.” Phil pouted, reluctantly going back to turning the screws.

Dan turned back to his piano, continuing to play. It was quiet for a few minutes, nothing but the sound of Dan’s fingers pressing the piano keys filling the room. He didn’t realize how it had been much longer than was necessary for Phil to finish, not until Phil’s hands were sliding around his waist and Phil’s chin was on his shoulder.

“You’re so good.” Phil’s voice was soft and quiet, and Dan got the distinct impression that that ‘good’ wasn’t restricted to just piano. “I’m half tempted to ditch the wardrobe and just listen to you play for hours.”

Dan smiled softly, only hesitating for a moment before continuing the song. “We have to finish. You can listen to me play anytime once we’re all moved in.”

“I’ll take you up on that.”

They stayed like that for a few moments, just enjoying being close to each other, neither of them caring that the audio and at least part of the visual was being caught on tape. They could edit it out. They always did. Then Phil pulled away with a reluctant sigh. “Let’s get this over with. I have to pee first, though.”

“Hurry it up. The faster we’re done, the faster we can watch anime.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” Phil grinned at Dan as he darted out of the room, reappearing a few minutes later. He stopped in the doorway, eyes wide. Dan was trying to stand the wardrobe upright by himself, but he was very, very bad at it, apparently. He looked like he was about to drop the entire thing and quite possibly break it and injure himself in the process. Phil couldn’t help laugh. “What the hell are you doing?”

“There you are!” Dan said, panicked eyes finding Phil’s. “Welcome back. Now fucking help me.”

Phil moved forward, carefully helping Dan lower it down to the ground again before bursting into giggles. “You’re the most impatient person I know.” He stepped toward Dan, looking him over quickly to make sure he was okay. “I was gone for, like, five minutes. You couldn’t wait that long?”

Dan whined a little and leaned into Phil. “I just wanted to get it done. Don’t make fun of me.”

Phil’s lips brushed Dan’s cheek, and then he was pulling away again. “Alright, then. Let’s get it done.” He bent down to grab the top of the wardrobe, waited until Dan’s hands were around the base, and then pushed it upright.

“It’s being born!” Phil said excitedly as Dan sang a theme song in a high-pitched voice. “It’s starting to look like an actual wardrobe!”

After that, they sped through the rest of the building process rather quickly, with Dan making fun of Phil much more than necessary. Phil would’ve complained, except the way that Dan’s eyes lit up and he smiled at Phil like he was the only important thing in the world made up for it all. Besides, he knew Dan didn’t mean it. Neither of them did. As much as they might have teased each other, there was nothing but love behind it.

So Phil didn’t feel too bad when he decided to sneak inside of the newly-completed wardrobe while Dan picked up some trash from the corner that they were going to put it in. He nearly lost it when Dan started trying to talk to him, and he had to bring his hand up to his mouth to stifle any sounds that were threatening to come out.

Dan kept saying Phil’s name over and over again, sounding increasingly panicked. Phil would’ve felt bad if it weren’t so funny.

When he heard a loud, nervous ‘Phiiw,’ Phil decided he could take it anymore. He pushed the doors open and poked his head out. “Rawr!”

Dan’s face went blank again as Phil crawled out, laughing increasingly louder. He tried to look angry for a moment, but he just couldn’t, not when Phil’s laugh was lighting up the room like that. A smile spread over Dan’s cheeks, and an exasperated but somehow much too fond chuckle started to bubble out of his throat.

“As if you’d got in the wardrobe-” Dan stepped forward to look in the wardrobe. He hadn’t thought it’d be big enough for one of them to fit inside. Apparently he was wrong, though. “Maybe your Narnia theory was right. There’s no way that you were in there.”

“Yes there was! And it’s all on tape!” Phil pointed to the camera, still giggling excitedly.

“Whatever.” Dan moved in and shoved Phil’s shoulder, then stepped back toward the wardrobe. “Now help me move this, you rat.”

Phil did as Dan asked, but didn’t stop the teasing even a little bit. He couldn’t help it. He was excited. It had almost always been Dan doing the pranking and Phil being pranked, and Phil was so ecstatic that he’d finally gotten to get Dan back.

“You were so scared.” Phil said as they finished putting the wardrobe in place. He reached out to Dan again and warmth bloomed in his chest as Dan fell into him, whining softly. Anybody else might’ve found it annoying, the way that Dan so easily threw out insults and pranked people, but turned into a whiny mess when it was turned back around on him. “You’re so cute. Makes me wanna kiss your cheeks. And your nose. And your forehead. And your lips. And your entire face.”

“Phil.” Dan whined, once again dragging the ‘i’ out and replacing the ‘l’ sound with a ‘w’, the way he always did when he was trying to get his way with Phil. “Stop it.”

Dan’s cheeks were red. Phil’s heart felt like it was going to explode. “Only if you let me pick the anime.”

“You’re such a jerk.” Dan’s voice was still whiny, but he wrapped his arms around Phil’s neck and kissed him gently. “Fine. But I get to lay on your chest while we watch it.”

“Is that supposed to be something I have to reluctantly agree to?” Phil laughed and pulled away from Dan, but left their hands connected as he pulled Dan toward their lounge that held nothing but a sofa and their TV. “Sounds like a great night.”

[elleberquist6]

Stray Cat - chapter eleven

Rating: Mature Word Count: 2581 Warnings: Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut Summary: Phil Lester believes that if he does good things then good things will happen to him, so on one of the worst days of his life he invites a rain-soaked Neko boy named Dan into his home. Phil has never met a Neko before and he knows nothing about the dark system that has molded Dan. Dan is part of a repressed population with few rights, and as Phil gets to know him he can’t understand why – Dan is the most amazing person he has ever met. — Though he liked the idea of hiding beneath Phil’s duvet from the world for the rest of the day, Dan dragged himself out of bed. While Phil got ready for work, Dan made himself presentable by putting on a t-shirt and sweatpants – the pants were uncomfortable because of his heat, and Dan stifled a whimper as he settled onto the sofa beneath a blanket.

Someone knocked on the front door, but before Dan could shift the blanket off his lap and get up, Phil had answered the door. Dan heard him say, “Morning, Mar.”

“Hey, Philly.” Dan heard them walk to the kitchen, and then Martyn asked, “Where’s Dan?”

“I think he’s in the living room,” Phil responded. Dan wondered if he should tell them that he could hear them. “Thanks for coming over.”

“No problem,” Martyn said “So, you said he’s sick? Does he like need anything? I’m happy to help but I do need to get some things done today… Just letting you know that I can’t be a nurse if that’s what he needs.”

Phil hadn’t told Martyn what was wrong with him yet – Dan definitely wasn’t going to tell them that he could hear them now. “He should be fine. He’s got a fever and he’s throwing up, but I just don’t want him to be alone in case he passes out and falls down or something.”

“Okay. So, he has the flu?” Martyn asked.

“Uh, no, not a flu.” There was a pause as Phil thought of how to respond. “He’s in heat. Have you heard about that before? It’s a thing that Nekos get.”

“Oh shit. I have heard of that. But not from a reliable source. Just pornos… Yeah, I don’t really know anything about it. I didn’t even know that it could make them sick like this. Just horny.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t imagine that this is anything like what you saw in porn. He’s feeling poorly. I think it’s because he’s resisting it, fighting the way his body is trying to feel. It doesn’t help that this is happening before he has recovered fully from what was done to him before we met – the bruises haven’t even fully healed yet. It’s all just… really awful. But he should be feeling better in a couple days when this heat is over. Can you come over tomorrow, too?”

“Sure, Phil. What time do you have to go to work today?”

“Oh!” Phil exclaimed, and there was the sound of a chair scraping across the kitchen floor. “I should leave now.” There were approaching footsteps and Dan looked up as Phil materialized in the doorway. “There you are. I have to get going. Martyn is in the kitchen setting up his laptop – he’ll be here until I get home, so you won’t be alone.”

“Okay. Have fun at work. Keep an eye out for those flying chocolate oranges.”

Phil grinned at him. “Don’t worry. I’ve been practicing my dodge. I won’t get hit again. See you later.”

“See you.” Dan listened to him as he walked away and then left through the front door; he missed him already. A moment later he heard the chain being put across and then Martyn popped his head into the living room.

“Hey, just wanted to say… hi,” Martyn gave him a wave while Dan stared at him. So, this was awkward – not that Dan could blame him. “I’ve got to get some work done. If you need anything, give a shout, or else I’ll just see you in a few hours when I take my lunch break.”

“Okay,” Dan said, exhaling in relief when Martyn left the room and took the awkward tension with him. Wanting a distraction, he turned on the TV and the game console. He muted the TV so that he didn’t bother Martyn in the kitchen and he started playing Mario Kart. After a few minutes, he was glad that Phil wasn’t here to see how awful he was – he felt too lousy to concentrate on the race and he kept getting hit by items. He played until he couldn’t focus anymore, stared at the menu for a while, and then dropped the controller.

Dan buried his face in the arm of the sofa. He wanted the pain to stop – his head was throbbing, his heart was pounding, his dick was so sensitive that it was painful, and his stomach was rolling with nausea though he hadn’t eaten anything today. Dan didn’t like being a Neko – he never had – but it was moments like this that made him hate what he was. He was broken.

Someone was touching his shoulder. Dan woke with a shout and flinched away from the hand. “Sorry!” someone said. Dan looked up to see Martyn backing a step away from him. “I made sandwiches for lunch. I was just waking you up to see if you were hungry.”

“Oh,” Dan tried to even his breathing. He must have been asleep for a while if it was lunchtime. Truthfully, he was tired and would have preferred to continue sleeping, but he gave Martyn a polite smile. “Thanks, Martyn.”

Martyn sat next to him on the sofa and Dan saw that he had already placed two glasses of Ribena and a platter of sandwiches on the coffee table. Martyn nodded to them in invitation. “Peanut butter and jelly. I even cut them into triangles because that makes them better, of course.”  

Dan took a bite of a sandwich hesitantly, but his stomach seemed to have settled. Martyn was acting less awkward around him, and a few moments later they settled into a casual race of Mario Kart between bites of peanut butter and jelly. Dan asked, “How much longer are you on break?”

He glanced at his watch. “About 45 minutes, but my schedule isn’t really strict. It’s more a matter of keeping track of how much time I work for when I bill my client later.”

“What is it that you do?” He asked, and he said it with more than casual curiosity – Dan liked the sound of a job he could do from home.

“Web design.”

“Oh,” Dan said, unsure what to ask next. He only knew about ‘the web’ in an abstract sense when people like Phil talked about the internet or he saw it depicted in movies or on TV. He was curious about going online, but no one had ever allowed him to do it before Phil handed him a laptop when they were looking at jobs, and Dan hadn’t explored any other websites at the time. “How did you learn how to do that? Did you have to go to school?”

“Yeah, I went to college. I knew some things about it since I was a kid, but I couldn’t get hired until I earned some credentials.”

Dan sighed, letting go of a vision of the future where he could be a web designer.

Martyn glanced at him. “You’re thinking about getting a job?”

“Well, I don’t want to live off Phil forever, and I know there aren’t many options for people like me. When Phil said you work from home I started thinking about how nice that sounded. It might not matter that I have a tail and ears if I can work from home.”

Martyn nodded. “I can see that. There’s lots of other jobs you can do from home. Not all of them require degrees. I’m sure you’ll find something.”

“Thanks,” Dan said with a smile, feeling a bit more optimistic. They completed another race, and Dan came in nearly last as he became distracted by another thought. “Martyn, could you tell me something about Phil? I didn’t want to ask him in case it would be crossing a line, but why does he work in customer service if he doesn’t like it?”

“Oh, he wouldn’t have been bothered if you’d asked him. You should know that Phil has a Bachelor’s degree in Linguistics, but there aren’t many jobs in that field and he doesn’t want to work in that area anyway. He also started working on a Master’s degree in Post-production and he loved it, but he stopped since he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do with his degree and the classes were really expensive. So, Phil started working in customer service jobs to pay his student loans while he took a break from school, and that’s what he’s been doing since.”

“So, he hasn’t found his passion yet? The thing he wants to do with the rest of his life?”

“Oh, no,” Martyn shook his head. “He found it. Hasn’t he shown you yet?”

Dan just blinked at him.

“Where’s his laptop?” When Dan pointed to Phil’s bedroom, Martyn left and then returned with Phil’s laptop. He opened it but then stared at the place where he was supposed to enter a password. “Hmm, I know his old password, but I’m not sure if he’s changed it. Oh well. If it’s wrong, I’ll just show you on my laptop when I’m finished with work, or you can get Phil to show you.”

Dan watched Martyn’s hands move across the keyboard, and then he said, “His password is Buffy1987?”

“It used to be. Let’s see…” Martyn hit ‘enter’ and they both laughed when the laptop accepted the password. “I guess I know my brother. Okay… so, have you heard of YouTube?”

“No.” Dan watched as Martyn pulled up a website with bright red logos. Martyn typed ‘AmazingPhil’ into the search field. Then he slid the laptop over to Dan.

“Okay, I’ve got to get back to work, but if you’re curious this used to be Phil’s passion. He would make videos on this website. I’m not sure why he stopped – I haven’t asked him. But it made him happy, so I hope he starts doing it again someday.”

Martyn returned to the kitchen and Dan pulled the laptop into his lap. He plugged in some headphones, but he hesitated before clicking on a video. It seemed personal somehow, like he had found Phil’s diary and was about to start reading it, but then he had to admit that this was a poor analogy because if he came across Phil’s diary he would probably read it. Dan wanted to know everything about Phil. So, he played the video. And then another. And another.

“Hey! Can someone please get the chain?”

Dan looked up at the sound of Phil’s voice – Phil was home, but he was locked out. Dan shut the laptop and shifted it to the cushion beside him. He gathered the blanket around his body to conceal the effect his heat was having on his body and he walked to the front door. Martyn was already there, closing the door behind Phil.

Dan grinned like a fool and launched himself at Phil. After taking a second to recover from his surprise, Phil wrapped his arms around Dan. “Hello, you. What was that for?”

“Just happy to see you,” Dan responded. There was a slight rumble accompanying his words and Dan realized that he was about to start purring, but he held the sound in and pulled back from Phil with an apologetic smile, wrapping the blanket tighter around his body as if he could hide beneath it in his embarrassment. “Didn’t mean to attack you as soon as you walked in the door. Sorry, I just missed you.”

“Missed you, too.” He looked at Martyn. “I know you were working, but you didn’t ignore him the whole time I was gone, did you?”

Martyn snorted. “No, Phil.”

“He was nice, Phil! Don’t be cross with him. He just wasn’t you.” Dan looked away, embarrassed.

“Okay,” Phil clapped his brother on the shoulder. “Thanks for your help today. I’m just going to change out of my work clothes, and then you can get going. I’m sure you want to go back to your place.”

Martyn nodded, and Phil started walking to his room. When his back was turned Martyn made eye contact with Dan and then glanced at the kitchen. He whispered, “Come, please.”

With a mix of apprehension and curiosity, Dan followed Phil’s brother to the kitchen. Martyn didn’t immediately indicate what he wanted as he started packing his laptop and papers into a bag. “What is it?” Dan asked.

“That hug you gave Phil…” Martyn said as he continued shuffling his papers. “I was just wondering what that was about. Did you ever talk to Phil? About the thing you said you were going to talk about?”

It took Dan a moment to remember the conversation he had with Martyn the last time they were together. “Oh! Yeah, we did talk about that.”

“You did?” Martyn looked up, his eyes wide with surprise. “How did he take it?”

Dan suddenly found it difficult to meet Martyn’s gaze. “It didn’t go the way I thought it would. Kind of the opposite.”

“He was upset when you said you didn’t like him?” Martyn whispered, glancing at the door to make sure that Phil wasn’t coming.

“No, I was the one who… No. I told him that I might like him.”

Martyn gaped at him. “Why did you do that? You said you weren’t going to hurt him.”

“What’s going on?” Phil was in the doorway, looking between their faces. Dan’s face was flushed, and he wasn’t sure if it was from his heat or shame. “What are you guys talking about?”

Martyn picked up his bag. “Nothing. Um, I’ll see you guys tomorrow. If you want me to come back.”

“Why wouldn’t I want you to come back?” Phil asked suspiciously.

Dan shook his head. “Don’t be silly, Martyn. Of course he’ll want you to come back.”

“No hard feelings?” Martyn asked with a sad smile. After Dan gave him a nod, he turned back to Phil. “Well, good night.”

Phil walked his brother to the door so he could lock it, and then he returned to the kitchen. “What was that about?”

Dan pulled the blanket tighter around himself.

Phil sat down at the table beside him. “Sorry, are you feeling okay?”

Dan gave him a small smile. “Not exactly, but don’t worry about it. Listen, about Martyn...” Phil nodded encouragingly, and Dan went on. “Don’t fight with him, not on my behalf. He’s just being protective of you.”

Phil frowned. “I’m used to it. He always has been. Well, except for this one time when I started going to the same school as him and he ditched me on the first day. Other than that, yeah, he’s always been there for me. Kind of annoying actually.”

“Don’t take it for granted.” Dan spoke with a hardness in his voice that seemed to get Phil’s attention. “Don’t throw that away. No one has ever looked out for me, not in the way your brother looks after you.”

“What did he do, though? Looked like a pretty tense conversation when I walked in.”

Dan shrugged. “That’s all it was – a conversation. He knows you like me, so he’s been asking about it. He’s just being protective of you. It’s fine.”

“Oh. Well, sorry about him. I should have told him not to bother you about it – I just didn’t realize that he knew I liked you.” Phil looked away. “Hey, have you had dinner yet?”

Dan shook his head.

[jestbee]

I honestly pictured Phil as Sherlock and Dan as John! Not exactly sure why lol

Okay, I have a lot of opinions on this (a strange thing to have opinions on I know, but there we go) I was really deep in the Sherlock fandom before this and wrote fic over there so I definitely have like, clear pictures of how I interpret the characters of Sherlock and John and, well, let me tell you those interpretations have to disagree with you. And with Phil in the latest gaming video where he insists he’s Sherlock.

I’m going to put all of these opinions below a cut so as not to flood your dash with my nonsense. It’s really incoherent and rambley so I apologise.

Also, can I just point out that this is just my interpretation. I’m in no way starting an argument over it, its just a really fun discussion.

Everyone is allow their own interpretation of fictional characters and I would like to again reiterate that any allusions I make to the ‘characters’ of Dan and Phil are to the fictional ones I write about in phanfic based on the people they present to us, I in no way want to assume I know everything about them as they are real, complex human beings with many many facets to them. 

That being said, here are my rather rambley and long-winded reason as to why Dan is Sherlock and Phil is John.

Phil maintains he’s Sherlock because of his ‘cumberbatchy’ cheekbones. and yes, our Phil has some wonderful cheekbones and I never tire of looking at them in the same way I never tire of looking at Benedict’s. However, that is where the similarities stop.

I was going to base this entire ramble on their personalities rather than physical attributes but since Phil brought it up, I’ll chuck in some of that too. 

Dan obviously has the curls which, well, so does Sherlock and Phil has a haircut left over from an old era (emo) and so does John (his time in the army).

Sherlock tends to dress in designer gear and clearly maintains a sort of aesthetic as does own very own Howell, while John dresses in things he just likes, but he’s always tidy and put together but doesn’t seem to be trying to make any big fashion statements.... this was a flimsy way to start my argument. Let’s move on.

Okay, Sherlock spent his younger years smart yet socially distant. With a family that loved him but who were perhaps not too close, who maintained an insistence that he conform to a place in society, a normal job, a degree in Chemistry at university. He didn’t have any notable friends we know of until later on in his life when he meets John. suddenly he has a best friend and he’s chosen a career that his parents hadn’t heard of, one he’d made up, one they’re always worried about. sounding familiar?

John grows up fairly ‘normal’ surrounded by friends and family and generally is the epitome of well rounded. Though he doesn’t seem to talk about any particular people from that time save a few friends he made at university (mike etc) but it isn’t until all of that is finished he meets Sherlock, and then yes, he has a best friend. John studies alot, trains in medicine, surgery & battlefield medicine all by the time he’s in his late thirties/early forties and is ‘very good’ according to his own words. Much like our Phil with his linguistics degree and dual honours masters, right?

also, John is older than Sherlock by around 4 years. but Sherlock ends up being the bigger, louder personality and John is sometimes made out to be the ‘sidekick’. They joke about it in the show but clearly they’re equals, Sherlock isn’t his commanding officer and it’s John who is the creative blogger weaving their adventures into over-romanticised stories. similarly, Phil is often (incorrectly) billed as being secondary to Dan because Dan is the one with the higher subscriber count. they’re both creative, obviously, but i firmly believe Phil is a creative genius and that they are definitely definitely equals in all sense of the word.

The face Sherlock shows to the world is one that is social inept, arrogant, clueless about people and it is the more social and jovial John that helps him navigate his way through the world. Dan is often introverted, can be slightly pretentious upon occasion and has this huge, domineering personality that Phil tempers down by being his perfect counterweight. Phil is always described by everyone as being an absolute delight and Dan has complained in the past that he’ll often make conversation with cashiers in shops which he hates because it means he has to engage in small talk too. so in this sense, it’s definitely Dan who is socially restricted and Phil that helps him navigate that. 

however, as we’ve seen countless times, Sherlock is so so emotional. like Dan. Dan would have us believe that he’s only interested in cold hard facts, he’s a sceptic and cynic, sardonic in his humour and makes jokes about death and sees nothing wrong with that. but the reality is, Sherlock is the type of guy that gets choked up at his friends wedding so that he has to leave, so jealous when John goes on a date that he tags along and sabotages it with crime fighting. Dan is the type of guys that gets jealous when Phil jokingly offers to move in with a celebrity on the radio and cries over sad movies whenever Phil is away. Tell me these two men are not similar. 

John on the other hand is softer, yes, brightness in the world like our lovely Phil but also quite restrained in his emotions. He holds it together when he loses all his friends to war, clenches his jaw in the face of Moriarty holding a gun to his head. Phil is similarly restrained, the man has perfected the art of the poker face and hides alot of his emotions from the world (the internet anyway) in the same way John does. He’s careful in what he shows us, hiding all of those darker elements of his personality just as John does when he tries to convince himself he wants a wife and a baby and not to be running around London solving crimes with Sherlock as a way to curb his insatiable appetite for danger. Much like Phil hides the dirty sense of humour I’ve convinced he has.

I really have a hard time picturing Phil as the secluded loner genius. Dan is much more suited to the logical, analytical detective, ignoring coincidences and fate and destiny and any allusions to anything magical or fantastical. he won’t believe in anything unless there are cold hard facts. But at night, it’s these wild supernatural elements that torture him into not sleeping. like Sherlock’s mind-palace does with images of a definitely-dead Moriarty.

Equally, I can’t see Dan as being the one that is the easy, heroic doctor and a hopeless romantic. Phil is the quiet hero, one who’ll do anything for his friends, shoot someone because they’ve threatened someone he’s only just met but already feels a connection to. It’s Phil I can see reminding Dan that not everything has to have a complicated solution, that sometimes the answer lies in the human element.

Dan Howell will solve your murder, but Phil Lester will save your life.

I suppose this is similar to when people see punk!phil and pastel!Dan. I just don’t get it. But, it’s quite popular so...

anyway, I think that’s enough of my opinions. I’m totally down for discussing this at length with anyone that wants to, I still have so much swirling around in my brain I probably haven’t been as coherent as I could have been in this answer. 

I’m going to write a fic, that will probably be able to depict it better than I could in this. I’m always better as expressing myself through fiction than I am here. (eg ask me about my social anxiety and I won’t be able to describe it, read Ships and Phil is basically me haha)

Let me know if I’ve managed to convince you yet!

[artlang-gr]

Η Ελληνική “Proficiency Mania”

The Greek Proficiency Mania

When people come to Fullspate and confess that they are thinking of doing a proficiency exam in English we often tell them to sit down, take a deep breath and think again. In Greece, where we are based, hundreds of thousands of families are absolutely sure that their kids MUST get the proficiency. Little Nick and Maria down the road got the proficiency, so it becomes a matter of family pride to prove that their kids are just as good. Unfortunately, the chances are that these parents know almost nothing about either the content or the aims of the proficiency exam. Perhaps if they understood a bit more about the proficiency exam, and a bit more about how kids can improve their English, there wouldn't be this nationwide panic. (Hey! Shouldn't schools be doing more to inform parents?)

Let's not forget the aims of the proficiency exams. The new European framework for these exams states that language learners at this level (the top level - level 5) should be "approaching the linguistic competence of an educated native speaker." Let's put that in block capitals: APPROACHING THE LINGUISTIC COMPETENCE OF AN EDUCATED NATIVE SPEAKER. And by the way, we're not talking here about hip-hop, break dance, emo, iPod English. We're talking about the sophisticated English used in seminars and tutorials at university.

Similarly, the handbook for the Cambridge proficiency tells us that candidates should be able to handle abstract ideas and concepts in a mature way, and they should be able to "advise and talk about complex, sensitive or contentious issues, understanding colloquial references." Does that sound like you, or do you think you need to carry on with your general education a bit more before you attain that level of intellectual maturity?

In a nutshell:

1. If you want to teach English, your priority should be to do a degree in English at university. One of the proficiency-level (C2) certificates would be a useful addition to your portfolio, but still there is no need to rush things.

2. The certificate might be an essential qualification for a job, but if it is really necessary, you don't want to take the exam more than one or two years before you apply for the job. An employer that really wants you to be a fluent English speaker will not be satisfied with a ten-year-old certificate.

3. Should you try to run before you can walk? What's the big rush? Enjoy walking first, and when you feel confident you can start a gentle jog.

4. Use it or lose it. Unless you are going to do a degree in English or get a humble job in the office of an English firm at the age of 18 you are probably not going to use the language much until you finish university in your early 20's and then get your military service out of the way. By that time you will have forgotten so many of those lovely proficiency words and phrases that you spent so many long hours back in your teens trying to remember (words like "exacerbate", "ameliorate", "procrastinate", and "obfuscate"). Isn't it a shame to sacrifice so much of your youth learning stuff that you are going to forget before you really need it?

5. High school students in Greece are unbelievably overburdened with extra lessons in the evenings at what we call cramming schools (where they try to quickly cram as much information as possible into the very limited space between your ears). University students have much more free time, and because they should have a clearer idea of what they are actually going to do with their English they should be more motivated to sit down and learn the 50 or 60,000 words and phrases which top-notch proficiency candidates ought to know.

6. Where are the poets and the painters of modern Greece? If teenagers had more free time, it might be possible for a few more of them to discover that they have a talent for things like poetry and painting.

Does that mean I should just drop out of the cramming school and play more footy in the street with those guys my mum calls 'losers'? Definitely not. The point is not to turn your back on your education, but to find enjoyable things to do to maintain and improve your English language skills without worrying (before there is any real need) about exams that almost half the candidates will fail.

Fun stuff to do out of school

Instead of panicking to get the proficiency when you don't need it, our advice is: chill out. The overwhelming majority of kids in their mid-teens don't need anything more than the FCE with an A or a B or a clear pass in some other B2 exam like the ECCE. If you have a good B2 certificate in English at that age, you have all you need to start to understand and appreciate movies, lyrics, websites and books in English ON YOUR OWN. Find a subject you are interested in, like wargames, lovemetal, body art, bikes, web design or whatever, and start reading lots of stuff in English and finding places on the internet where people chat about that kind of stuff in English. Without doing a single multiple choice question your English will improve, and if you really do have to do another exam in the future it will be a piece of cake.

IELTS: the way forward

If you are really stubborn and insist on doing another exam now, we advise you to do the IELTS. This is the grooviest exam on the market at the moment. And what's one of the best things about it? Check this out: EVERYBODY GETS A CERTIFICATE. Each section begins with slightly easier questions and they become progressively harder. When you get your certificate it will give you a mark from 1 to 9. If you get a 7.5 or 8 you are on the same level as someone with the ECPE (or Cambridge CPE). And guess what: no grammar or vocabulary questions!!! They just check how good you are at doing the things you will actually have to do in real-life English-speaking situations: reading, writing, listening and speaking - which is exactly what you ought to have to do in a good test of English.

It is also worth noting that if you want to go to a British university they would prefer you to do the IELTS exam. Different departments will demand different scores depending on how good they think your English needs to be to do those particular courses. To do an engineering course you might only need a score of 6.5. To do psychology or philosophy, where you need to be more articulate, they would demand at least 7.5.

Bad proficiency results in Greece

Given its glorious past, the education results in Greece ought to be among the best in the world. However, in the EFL business at C2/proficiency level they definitely aren't. In 2009 while countries like Holland, South Africa, Italy, Poland, Ukrane, Sri Lanka and Latvia had 75% or more of their candidates pass the ECPE exam, in Greece only 56% passed (although Greeks can console themselves that they are better than the Vietnamese, of which only 53% passed, and the Turks, who got only 43% of their candidates through the ECPE). The results for the Cambridge CPE are slightly worse. In 2010 one in two candidates came away from that exam empty-handed.

Why the system in Greece has been failing

Costas Gabrielatos has written some very insightful articles about the poor performance of EFL candidates in Greece. Here we pick out a number of points he makes which we think are absolutely spot on.

Although it might be tempting to blame the results on the age of the candidates - saying they are too young - Costas reminds us that the fault lies elsewhere. The surprising fact is that 14- to 15-year-olds have a better success rate than older candidates. If age is not a factor, what is responsible for the failure rate?

A lack of preparation

One problem is that students simply haven't done enough preparatory work to bring them up to the required level. "In other words, most Greek learners sit for the CPE when they should be sitting for the CAE" (the advanced exam).

The exam-obsession syndrome

However, Costas gives less emphasis to the quantity of preparation than to its quality. There are some approaches to English language teaching in Greece which are misguided and which directly contribute to the failure of students. A major problem is the obsession with exam practice. Instead of concentrating first and foremost on improving the students' level of English, too many teachers waste far too much classroom time ploughing through countless practice tests. These teachers seem to believe that the more practice tests a student does, the more likely she is to succeed.

Costas advocates an alternative approach: a student's command of the language should be brought up to the required level before she begins intensive preparation for the exam. If a student is already a proficient user of the language, exam preparation will simply be a matter of becoming familiar with the tasks required, practising different approaches to tackling the exercises, identifying pitfalls and managing their time effectively.

The vocabulary list syndrome

Another dubious practice is the fixation with vocabulary lists. Words are readily taken out of context, put in lists with the translations to the right and set for homework. Insufficient attention is paid to collocations, fixed phrases and the kinds of examples of good usage that are the benchmark for more successful language-learners. We would add that the craze for companions in Greece is another symptom of this malaise - they divert the student's attention away from the way new items of vocabulary were used in the texts and dialogues that they have studied, and they discourage students from developing useful note taking skills.

The coursebook-as-Bible syndrome

The way coursebooks are used is another problem. Students are taken through books from cover to cover without much thought being given to the limitations of the books, their omissions or relevance to the students. As Costas points out, as a consequence "learners don't usually deal with topics or do tasks that are within their interests and needs; instead they are taken through a series of loosely related or even unrelated exercises."

The compartmentalisation syndrome

Costas also highlights what he calls the "compartmentalisation syndrome." "Learners do 'vocabulary' or 'listening' or 'speaking' as if those areas of language were unrelated. There seems to be little integration of the different aspects of the understanding and use of language."

Costas' conclusion is sobering. Assuming that the fault does not lie with an innate inability of Greek students to learn foreign languages well, there must be something wrong with what teachers and schools are doing. "Perhaps we would be wise to reassess our perception of exam preparation and language teaching/learning."

Πηγή: fullspate

[jazzinuptheworld]

First Abroad Update (first email)

Hello Friends and Family,

My first month in Madrid has come and gone in the blink of an eye! And I can't believe it! I'm writing to let you know what I'm up to, how I've been, and what it's been like here in Madrid.

My Host Family

My host family is absolutely wonderful! My hosts parents are Pilar and Jesus, and I have two host sisters Maria and Andrea who are both in their twenties. They are all so kind and welcoming, and it's been an absolute blessing receiving them as my host family. I have my own little room that's painted a very happy orange, with a bed, a desk, drawers, and a closet. My room is so cozy and nice, it's a great place to come back to at the end of the day. I have two housemates from SLU that share the other room, they're both nice, but I don't see them much outside of dinner time. My host parents make the best dinners! There hasn't been any dinner that I haven't liked (knock on wood, we still have 3 months to go), but they are very considerate of our likes and dislikes and try to only make things that they know we'll enjoy. I have heard horror stories from friends about the dinners they are served, so I'm glad I haven't had to experience that (yet?). The only downside of Spanish dinners is that they're at 10PM!!! Being that I'm American (or from the US @Facundo), I eat my dinners around 5/6 or 7 at the latest, so 10 o'clock dinners have been quite the struggle! Although I've found ways to last until that time, like grabbing tapas or bocadillos at my favorite place: Cien Montaditos.

Learning the Language

Although I have dipped my toe in the Spanish language at home or at Mexican restaurants in LA, I have a very limited ability to speak the language. As many of you know, I'm able to understand a lot of what is spoken to me, so it's been easy getting around and understanding some things here and there, but the real struggle is actually saying something. I am usually able to string along some words and people will understand me, but I still have a lot of learning to do. Not to mention that Castilian Spanish is different than the Spanish I'm used to!! You know how people say as long as you know how to say "Where's the bathroom" you should be fine?? Well SURPRISE the one word I thought I knew for sure was "baño" but they don't use "baño" here they say "aseos" !!! Did anyone else know that?? Bc I didn't. AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE THEY USE HERE.... VOSOTROS! Which every Spanish teacher ever told me not to worry about because we'll never have to use it (insert upside down smiley face emoji). And the cherry on top, is the lisp they have that makes it the slightest bit more difficult to understand what they're saying. (Rant over). The point is, I've been on the struggle bus, but not to worry I try to practice with my host family because they only speak Spanish, and my friend and I try to practice our Spanish with each other which helps. Also, what I'm trying to say is... don't expect me to come back to the states knowing how to speak Spanish (although hopefully I'll be much better).

The "Study" in "Study Abroad"

Oh yeah, I almost forgot that I'm here to go to school! What a concept. Long story short, it took about two weeks here to get a final schedule of classes. During my first two weeks here, I was switching in and out of classes, getting on and off waitlists, collecting syllabi and trying to construct a schedule that won't make me want to pull my hair out while abroad. At the start of my third week, I finally got my schedule figured out. Most of my classes are pretty lame tbh, but you gotta do what you gotta do. They seem pretty manageable which is good, but it is only just the beginning. My Spanish class is probably the hardest, and the one that pushes me outside of my comfort zone the most. It's an intermediate Spanish class, which I thought would be fine, until I realized I don't actually know Spanish. The other classes I'm taking are things I'm used to like two theology classes, a philosophy class, and a Language and Linguistics class. I had to pack my schedule this semester to ensure that I would graduate on time in the Spring, otherwise I would gladly be taking an beginner's art class or a flamenco class. Hopefully I just pass the classes that I'm in, and I should be fine (C's get degrees, rightt???).

Outside of the Classroom

Madrid is such a beautiful city! And the streets are always buzzing with people! There's so much to see and explore, and I've tried my best to experience all Madrid has to offer, whether that's going to the museums, the Royal Palace, the beautiful parks, or grabbing tapas after class with friends. (Although sometimes, I choose siestas rather than walking all throughout the city). Other than exploring the city, I've also found other ways to spend my time. Being that church is my hobby, my friend introduced me to some other girls that were all interested in creating a Bible Study group, so we picked a meeting time and thus a beautiful thing has begun. We've had two meetings so far, and they have been wonderful, it's just been a space to reflect, pray and share about our lives. They're all such kind, genuine people and I look forward to building better relationships with each of them. The Sunday after our first meeting, we all went to church together and it was so much fun! Some girls in our group have a host mom that knows a priest at the parish we went to, so she made a cake for him and gave it to the girls to deliver. So, after mass, we went back into the sacristy, and met him and then he took us to the top of the church which had a beautiful view of the Royal Palace! He talked to us about his trip to the Holy Land, which he had just returned from! Then, he showed us the residence and other chapels within the church. Finally, as we said goodbye, he blessed us with Myrrh that he brought back with him from the Holy Land and said the Irish Blessing over us (which is significant to me because it is a tradition at LMU to say the Irish Blessing at Welcome Mass as a freshman and then at Graduation), then he sent us away with gifts! So basically, it was a wonderful day. Besides church related things, I have signed up to teach an Advanced ESL (English as a Second Language) class! I have only had one class, and it was a bit stressful, but hopefully it will get better!

My First Trip

We took our first trip out of Madrid to London and it was.... memorable. lol. Long story short, the housing situation was kind of crazy, and I feel like I didn't get to see a lot of London, and everything was really expensive. But on the bright side, I got to see my friend Kateri (who has been my friend since kinder, and also goes to LMU), and I got to go to the Warner Bro's studio and see sets from Harry Potter which was pretty awesome. I think the best part of going to London was missing Madrid. (Whhaaattt?? What do you mean by that Jazmin??). Well, after arriving in London, and spending the weekend there, I realized I really missed Madrid! Which was awesome, because it made Madrid feel like home. Being away from Madrid made me appreciate it even more, and I was so happy to go back!

If you want more details on London, feel free to contact me lol

Valencia

Valencia was AMAZING! 10 out of 10 would recommend to a friend. The whole city just felt so relaxed and chill, and it was a nice contrast from the ever buzzing Madrid. My friend Cristina, has a friend in Valencia and he showed us around the entire city, telling us fun facts, and history! He was so fun and nice, it was great to have a local show us around! On the second day, we spent the entire day at the beach which was incredible! I was really starting to miss the beach, so it was nice to spend the day there. I was just floating and swimming in the Mediterranean Sea and it was FANTASTIC, the water wasn't too cold, and the waves were calm, and the water was clear, and I was so at peace. Then we ate some bomb paella, and then went back into the city and had some BOMB gelato. It was truly a wonderful day and trip.

Missing home?

As much as I try to be present here, I've had one foot at LMU, for reasons mostly out of my control. Since I'm trying to graduate in the Spring, I've had to be in contact with LMU for various reasons. For one, graduation pictures are happening, and I'm obviously not there, so I was contacting the photographer and the yearbook editor to see if I would be able to take pictures when I go back in the Spring. It's not a huge deal if I'm not in the yearbook, but it would be nice, so I've been trying to figure all of that out. Additionally, I was in constant contact with my advisor to make sure I was picking the right classes, how many units I would need to finish, which cores counted and which didn't, sending transcripts and constantly checking my CAPP report (which probably doesn't mean anything to you unless you're from LMU). I'm also attempting to try and finish my Catholic Studies minor, so I've had to be in contact with Fr. Marc, sending syllabi and course descriptions. And in addition to that, I've been thinking about doing another Spring Break trip, so I applied to both IC and AB trips, and have already had one skype interview and I have another one to come (tomorrow!!) And looking towards the future, I've been looking into some post grad service options. I've been researching, and reaching out to people, and keeping in contact with TK. So it's been crazy! As if that isn't enough to think about, soon registration will come around, and I'll have to reach out to my advisor again and then apply for my degree (but we're not there yet, so we'll cross that bridge when we get there). Besides that, I really have been missing home! Both homes: Santa Maria (shocking I know) and LMU, I miss familiarity and comfort, but I know I have so much to gain from being outside of my comfort zone here in Madrid.

If you made it this far, thanks for bearing with me! I know that was an absurdly long update. But that's what happens when you leave a month's worth of content in one email, and there's been so much left unsaid!

Anyway, I love you all so much and I miss you!

-Jaz