#I used to admire it every time my parents drove by it

[eh-fandomtrash]

You know, you’re right. That was a bit of bad faith on my part. I am being totally sincere here when I say that I was speaking from a place of rage that was probably not relatable to other people.

I grew up in a neighborhood that had a lot of diversity and a lot of communal art and I saw it defaced with slurs and violent statements on a regular basis and it clearly caused me a huge amount of resentment and frustration that I need to unpack and process. I did not realize how deep that rage ran.

I’m going to go reflect on that.

That said, as someone who saw bad actors destroy community art, I think recognizing that we live in a climate where bigots feel emboldened to destroy communal artworks and defend their actions as “self expression” is important.

it's so funny how graffiti is like a non issue that effortlessly reveals peoples' reactionary tendencies.

[dylansbedroom]

you've always looked up to me. even as kids, you played with my toys, watched the same movies as me, and wore my clothes. when I came out to you and our parents, I recognized the look in your eyes. admiration, love. brotherly or otherwise. so I wasn't surprised that when it was your turn to come out, you came into my bedroom afterward and asked me for advice.

I drove you to your first endo appointment. I sat in the corner when they drew your blood for labs, made conversation with the staff so you could relax. showed you where the needle goes and how deep to push it in. pretended not to notice how shaky your breath got when I rolled the hem your boxer briefs to your upper thigh. that cute little whimper when I lifted your chin to examine the onset of facial hair.

and all this time, I've been going through my own journey. every new patch of hair, every drop in my voice, I've showed it all to you as proof of what you can expect. you don't have to be scared, because your big brother will do it all first.

phallo is tough. time, money, recovery, multiple operations. but you've been there for me through all of it. feeding me and bringing me my meds. I can tell you like taking care of me. it makes you feel like a big boy, doesn't it? it's nice to switch roles sometimes.

just because I'm sedated doesn't mean I don't notice you. I see those little gym shorts you wear around the house. how they hug your ass and get caught in the cleft of your cunt, showing off your tdick. we've always just looked, never touched. even though you make it difficult. we've always left things unspoken. and for a while, I thought I could be happy with that. maybe I convinced myself the fantasy would be better than the real thing.

but I'm so frustrated. I've been in bed for a while. lots of check-ups, nerves reconnecting. my body has changed so much. it's hard to ignore the need now that I'm bigger. what used to be butterflies in my stomach has become a hot ache in my pelvis.

so don't be surprised when I tell you to sit beside me on the bed. don't be shocked when I pull down the blankets and tell you I'm just going to show you, since you've asked so many questions.

and don't look away. I'm going to wrap my hand around it so you can really see the size. put your hand on your own cock. over your little shorts, feel how much smaller it is compared to my new one.

cute, you let your mouth hang open a little because you were staring so intently. you ought to close it unless you plan on using it. to compliment the results, I mean.

of course it gets hard. let me show you how. watch how it changes. pretty cool, yeah? it's impressive. maybe someday you can have this. right now, you're stuck with that cunt, though, aren't you? oh, you're embarrassed about it, I can tell. you want a dick like your big brother's. hey, maybe you can get one that matches mine. same dimensions.

you tired of looking? want to feel it? in your hand? inside? deep? it's nothing weird. just want to show you what you can expect. just trying to help you decide what kind of man you want to be. hnng fuck. god, finally. finally, you've touched it. and now there's no going back. you want it. you want everything, don't you? me too.

[allywthsr]

TRAVELING HOME | (l.norris)

summary: you and Lando travel home for Christmas

wordcount: 1.2k words

pairing: landonorris x fem!reader

warnings: none!

notes: read this please, I don’t know when the rest is coming out, I’m writing as fast as I can 🫶🏼

advent calendar

”Lando, do you have everything?“

You two were standing in your hallway with the luggage and backpacks, ready to fly home. Or at least to Lando’s home. This year was the Norris‘ turn of hosting the Christmas dinner and morning, your family would join you tomorrow.

”I think so.“

”You think or you know?“

”Uhm, I think that I know.“

”I‘m gonna check again.“

You shook your head with a smile, you were anxious. Anxious that you would forget something, you didn’t care about clothes because you could borrow some from Lando, but if you would forget a present, that would be fatal. You couldn’t exactly just pop over and get it, so you check at least five times if you packed them, before closing the suitcase. For one last time, you went into the guest room to check it for remaining presents, the bed was empty, under the bed too, just like the closet and the floor. The guest room was where you kept every present and wrapped them too, Lando didn’t help you at all with the wrapping, but you knew he wasn’t good at it.

The first two Christmas you got presents that were self-wrapped, and boy did they look funny, the wrapping was all over the place and it was more wonky than straight, and let’s not start with the amount of tape he used to secure the paper. Now he gets it wrapped immediately in the store he buys it from, or lets his mum wrap it. You always told him you didn’t care what it looked like wrapped, as long it came from the heart, but he was fed up with Oliver making fun of his (non-existent) skills.

After double-checking the guest room, and the office, because you had to make sure no one placed anything there, you went back to Lando to the hallway and grabbed your suitcase after pulling on your winter jacket.

”Do you really have anything? Toothbrush?“

”Put it in my bag this morning.“

”Underwear?“

”I brought enough, I hope you didn’t bring any, makes it more thrilling.“

”Gross! Beanies?“

”More than enough. Calm down, will you? We’re flying to my parents, they have stuff from me still in my room, and even you‘ve left clothes there.“

You let out a shaky breath.

Lando opened his arms and you fell into them, holding him close to you. You wanted everything to be perfect, you loved Christmas and it should run smoothly.

”But we really have to leave now.“

You nodded and let go of him, opening the door and walking through it, Lando locked the door and you stepped into the elevator. Outside of your building, a taxi was waiting for you, you two got in and it drove you to the Nice airport.

Lando had a cap on his head and a hoodie, trying to disguise, so he wouldn’t get recognized by people. Normally he always took his time with taking pictures and talking, but you’re already late, and he wanted you to be safe, mobs of people didn’t care about you, and more than once it happened, that you were pushed and shoved until you were crying.

You gave up your bags and made your way to the security check-in, the line wasn’t long, so you didn’t have to wait as long as you thought. The duty-free section was something you always admired, you always bought a little snack for the plane ride, sometimes it was some gummy bears or a chocolate bar, but Lando always had a bite, or multiple, not that you would tell Jon about it. But now, it didn’t matter, Lando was free for the next few months and could devour a whole Kinder bar pack and no one would care, he still needed to work out a few times a week, but it was less stressful.

You still had about thirty minutes until boarding would start, so you sat down in a quiet corner and talked about the most random things, your head was lying on his shoulder and his hand was gripping your thigh, stroking it gently every now and then. You loved cuddling with Lando, it was your favorite thing to do with him, even in public.

When the flight was announced, Lando and you slowly made your way to the counter, you avoided the big crowds, just in case someone recognized Lando or you. Scanning the pass quickly, you two walked through the long tunnel with your backpacks in your bags, where important stuff was packed. The plane was packed, so Lando pulled his cap further in his face and hoodie higher, so he could hide his face more. Luckily you didn’t have to walk for long through the plane, Lando booked business class tickets. You tried to tell him, you two didn’t need this, but what Lando wanted, he got. That was his Ariana Grande ’I want it, I got it‘ moment.

He insisted you two flew in business class, because, one, you didn’t need to walk through the whole plane and the chance of getting recognized was smaller, and two, you had more legroom, which he loved. But you let him buy it, because it was his money, and he could spend it on whatever he wanted.

When the plane was in the air, and you were settled in comfortably, you couldn't wait to get home, even if it was Lando’s home, it was still home. The smell of Christmas always smelt different when the whole family was there, especially because Cisca went big on Christmas. Tons of cookies were waiting for you, hot chocolates and teas as well, and let’s not forget the beautiful Christmas dinner and breakfast she always did. And that your family also came, made things even better. Normally you would’ve hosted Christmas, but the flat was way too small for everyone to fit in, and Monaco was expensive, the hotel costs would’ve been unnecessary.

”I can’t wait to be home, see everyone.“

You hummed and thought about the last Christmas you spent there, it was the second Christmas you two were together and you decided you wanted to spend it together. The Norris‘s hosted it and it was like you always joined them, everyone had a small gift for you, they all welcomed you beautifully in the family, not that they hadn’t before, but now it felt official, and the whole mood was perfect.

When you arrived, you quickly got off the plane, to avoid the other people and waited for the luggage at the strap, of course, yours came almost at the end, you couldn’t wait to get out of the airport. London Heathrow was busy, very busy. While walking next to the big crowds and lines, you could hear mumbling ’Is that Lando Norris?‘ but you only pulled more on his hand and you two were almost sprinting through the halls, wanting to reach the exit where Oliver was kindly waiting to pick you up.

You greeted him with a hug, Lando did the same and you quickly got in his car and you were driving home for Christmas.

[thegirlwholovesficcharacters]

𝐀 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐑𝐇𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐍 The Marvel cast x Org teen femreader!

Part 1: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

Summary: ❝Rhiannon Hart's life as she used to know it was about to change. She was a young actress in progress from a small town in Minnesota playing small roles from a very young age, After months of her latest project, Rhiannon thought she would continue with her daily routine, concentrating on her studies and resting. Until her representative gets her an audition with Marvel Studios, for a new character. After her audition, Rhiannon didn't believe she could be selected to play the new character, until Kevin Faige contacts her to give her the good news...❞

Part 1 of a series. Words: 1.661 Warnings: Angs, fluffy, silly things. Bad parents. A lovely and supporting grandma. She is just a girl wanting to be something in her life. This fics is was created for fun, nothing serious, also this fics is set in 2015, before the filming of Captain America: Civil War.

Autor's note: Hi! English is not my first language, and I apologize if there are any grammatical errors, you may find translation errors since I have little knowledge of English and mostly use Google Translate. I was also planning to move the fanfic to A03, but maybe I'll do it later. It's a little short ,but i'm gonna try to do the next chapter a little longer.

Hope you like it!

Rihannon knew the process of every audition she had ever had in her life, each audition had led her to have a small role as an extra character who only appeared for a few minutes, or a secondary character who only appeared for a short period of time in several series or films, whether they are films on the small screen or recognized TV series.

But no audition compared to the one she was going to have right now.

It's not every day that your agent gets you an audition to play a new character in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Not much was known about the new character, apart from confirming that it was going to be a female character, the mysterious announcement about the casting for that new character had been announced the same day that Marvel confirmed that they had opened casting for a new Spider-Man interpreter, and that excited all the fans including rhiannon.

It had been confirmed that the new mysterious character and Spider-Man would have to be close to adolescence and that they would be something like a duo, a friendship that would form unexpectedly and not at all romantic, just platonic.

And that drove the fans crazy, forming theories about whether he was Black Cat or some villain or antihero from the Spider-Man universe.

But many fans corrected them by saying that the mysterious character could be a friend of Spider-Man and Peter Parker, based on what Marvel Studios announced.

Everyone had their suspicions and theories, and yet weeks after its announcement, Marvel still did not reveal anything.

Wiping the sweat from her hands on her flannel shirt, Rihannon stood in front of the door of the large building in front of her, her head unable to question herself and create scenarios of what could go wrong at her audition.

She loved his job, she loved the world of art and acting, but she never imagined auditioning for one of the largest film companies in the world. There was a second when she thought about leaving and not attending the audition.

But she couldn't.

Not after how hard her representative fought to get her an audition, knowing how much Rihannon loved the Marvel universe and her dream of being part of the Marvel family one day.

She couldn't disappoint her representative, neither her grandmother, and much less herself, she had worked very hard to get to where she was, it would just be one more audition, just like the other auditions she had had in the past.

Right?

Ignoring the small mess of nerves building up in her stomach, she took courage and opened the door to enter the large building, she stopped for a second to admire her surroundings, noticing the walls decorated with giant paintings from Marvel movies, several statues of the more iconic characters, she continued admiring until her bluish eyes found the silhouette of a woman sitting behind a desk.

Knowing that it was the receptionist, she grabbed the strap of her backpack and walked quickly towards the woman, feeling her nerves eating away at her for a moment.

Upon being in front of her, the receptionist, sensing a presence, looked away from her computer screen, and looked curiously at the young woman with blonde, curly hair, almost impressed by the deep blue color of her eyes, noticing her shy aura smiled kindly at the young teenager, rihannon returned the smile shyly.

━━Hello sweetie, how can I help you?━━She asked softly, Rihannon opened her mouth and closed it instantly when she felt nervous.

━━I-I, uh… I came for an audition, with Mr. and Mrs. Russo. My name is Rihannon Hart━━She spoke quickly, feeling her cheeks heat at her stutter. But that didn't seem to bother the woman, who just smiled sweetly and nodded.

━━Of course, you're on time. If you allow me, I'll make a call to notify the auditioners━━━At her words, the girl quickly nodded, letting the brown-haired woman do her job.

She stepped back from the desk a little while watching the receptionist pick up the phone and dial a number.

━━Hello, sir? Miss Rihannon Hart has arrived for her audition, should I tell her to wait in the room or…? Great, I'll tell her. See you later sir━━When she hung up, the receptionist smiled at her as she got up from her seat━━Mr. Russo said that you can come and audition now. I'll guide her to the audition room━━She speaks, Rihannon nodded following the woman from behind.

On her short walk to the elevator, Rihannon began to play with the rings that surrounded her fingers in an attempt to distract her nerves. On the one hand she was nervous at the idea of ​​giving a bad impression to the directors and on the other hand she was relieved to Having memorized the entire dialogue of her script, she had been day and night reviewing each word and practicing her lines with her grandmother that she was sure she would do well.

Well, her grandmother and representative were in charge of letting her know that she would do it well.

She was so deep in thought that if it weren't for the kind woman at the reception, she wouldn't realize that they had already reached the door of the audition room.

As soon as she opened the door, Rihannon followed her, from her place she could see the Russo brothers and Kevin Faige himself talking to each other, and she felt the tingling in her stomach reappear.

━━━Gentlemen, Miss Hart has arrived for her audition━━━The receptionist's voice caught the attention of the three men, as Rihannon saw them approach, a small smile formed on her lips.

━━Hello, a pleasure to meet you━━She said with a small smile and stretched out his hand towards them.

Both directors and the executive director smiled instantly, from her place Rihannon could see a small shine in the eyes of the three men in front of them, she avoided furrowing her eyebrows at the emotion in their eyes.

Anthony Russo was the first to shake his hand with hers, sporting a smiling smile.

━━━The pleasure is ours, miss hart. Your agent has told us a lot about you━━He commented almost excitedly when he had her in front of them, Joe and Kevin Feige nodded at his words.

━━I hope for good things━━She spoke in an attempt to joke, which made the three men laugh. Kevin Faige nodded without removing his smile.

“I promise you it was, Miss Hart,” he assured, earning a genuine smile from the girl.

━━Is it okay if we start with the audition? You can take a few minutes if you want━━Rihannon quickly denied before speaking.

━━No, I think I'm fine. But you can call me rihannon, of course if you don't mind━━She said.

━━Of course. I guess, Rihannon, you've already read the script━━Seeing her nod, Anthony Russo smiled with his brother━━Great, we'll guide you to where the test will be done.━━Obeying the directors, Rihannon said goodbye to the receptionist and smiled at the Seeing her murmurs a soft "good luck" with her two thumbs up.

━━So miss hart, your agent, alice. You told us about your latest work in Teen Wolf, right?━━In response to Feige's question, Rihannon smiled and nodded, remembering with adoration her participation in her favorite series.

━━Yes, my participation was short, but I enjoyed the experience━━She responded softly with a smile. Feige and the brothers looked at each other and smiled.

━━One of my daughters loves that series, and I must admit that they adore her character in the series━━Joe commented, making a small shine appear in the young actress's blue eyes.

━━Really? I'm glad that your daughter liked it━━A smile took over her when she knew that one of the director's daughters liked her performance in the series

She did not often hear adulation about her participation in Teen Wolf, given that her character only appeared for three episodes and then did not appear again. She had played a girl who was the daughter of a retired werewolf hunter, who saved Derek Hale of an enemy shooting him with a shotgun and joining the pack for a short time, her colleagues and director of the series had congratulated her for her work, and her skills in the few stunts she had performed at the time.

Her grandmother was the most excited to see her granddaughter in the series, as was her friend Lucy, but no one other than the two of them congratulated her except for a few classmates from her school.

Upon arriving at the testing area, Rihannon allowed herself to admire the place, observing in detail the black walls, the lights that hung from the ceiling and the lamps that surrounded the small recording set, in front of the set there was a camera and three seats , in which she assumed the brothers russo and kevin feige would be sitting.

Seeing the young woman admiring the set, the CEO approached her.

━━You can leave your backpack there, if you want. We'll start in a few minutes━━He pointed to one of the empty chairs not far from where they were, with a small nod, Rihannon thanked him with a small smile and walked away to rest his backpack on the chair.

After a few minutes, Rihannon was in front of the camera - still off - while the makeup artist finished her work before she could perform her audition.

━━Forgive me for saying this, but you look like a badass Barbie━━At the comment of the makeup artist, named Ruth, Rihannon let out a small laugh as she felt the corner of her lips rise upward.

━━Thank you?━━She dubiously acknowledged his compliment with a small smile on her face. When she finished, Ruth said goodbye to her with a small smile and wished her good luck.

━━Are you ready, Rihannon?━━Listening to one of the Russo brothers, Rihannon took a deep breath and then nodded.━━Great, the camera is already on and will start recording in 3…2…1━ ━━Seeing the red light of the camera, the teenager looked forward, feeling her facial expression become serious.

The first dialogue was heard through the voice of Kevin Faige.

And that dialogue would only be the beginning of everything.

[genevawrenn]

A little post about our beloved QSMP eggs and what they taught me.

Starting off with Chayanne, our little warrior. Your strength through agony was always something to be admired, your dedication to providing to your family through delicious food is something I will always remember. You fought so hard, little leader, I'll miss you always.

Lullah, lovely musician and stealer of hearts Lullah. You are such a bright star, you formed bonds of love and won over the harshest souls instantly. You taught love for both yourself and others, you gave us a deep and intriciate character we will always think of fondly.

Everyone who has followed me for a while knows the Death Family was probably the one I spoke about the most (besides Hideduo). They were always near each other which is something I will remember fondly. They had their troubles but they always talked them out. I'll miss you most.

Ramon, oh my sweet Ramon. You were a late addition to my attention, but I'm so glad I found you, even for the short time I did. Your dedication in protecting your siblings spoke beyond what words can say about your character. I will always remember your excitement and curiosity.

Richas; chaotic, excitable, hyper, and a dear wild child. You made everyone laugh with your antics, it was never a boring time from the moment we saw your cow head to the moment you sped off. You captured so much life and projected it to those you cared about, one of us forever.

Leo <3 My darling, my dear, I never spoke about you much but I love each and every time you came on screen. Your bright and loud personality is a delight, teaching many how wonderful it is to be exactly you. I've heard her admin is a streamer, you should go follow!

Sunny, oh my goodness Sunny. Another huge persona who taught me so much about loving myself and presenting exactly as me. I hope you know how many people you have touched by being you so perfectly. I can not picture any other parent than Tubbo for you, you are adorable together.

Empanada, our time together was too short, but I will forever treasure it. You played such a clever and observant character, very intune with others emotions and able to comfort anyone in their times of trouble. You made people think and learn, an incredible gift to everyone.

Pepito, oh my goodness with you, I think Richas met their rival with sheer energy and excitement.

My little BOLAS eggo, you swept in and easily made everyone want to protect you.

You teach many whimsy, kindness, and stepping out of your comfort zone. You make so many smile 😃

Dapper and Pomme...I can not even separate you in this post. I wasn't able to catch much content surrounding you but I always appreciated how much I saw both your influence in your siblings. Dapper, you always kept your dad on his toes. Pomme, I adore your capacity to love all.

Trump, Tilin, Juana, Bobby.

Time was tragically short together, barely a breath on the long cycle of emotions this story drove us through.

I can say with certainty you will never be forgotten, your influence touched many even if you were only with us for a matter of days. 💕

I unfortunately do not have any screenshots of Chunsik, a similar sentiment to the Egg Island three, as I don't feel we have enough time together, but I'll think of you fondly. I wish you had more time to wow us, I'm not even sure if we will see you again but I wish you the best.

I am a changed person after becoming interested in this content and this server, and that's a positive thing. I only feel sorrow because I love it so deeply. You inspired me to keep creating and connecting with new people. I'll miss what we had forever, thank you for everything.

[moonlightspencie]

tricks up your sleeve

Part 2 of ‘the sweetest con’

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x fem!Reader

Word Count: 1k

<- PART ONE

I twisted the ring on my finger, unsure why I still had it on, but not taking it off. It was something that used to mean so much: a lifetime commitment, love, a family. Now it was a flash of gold that served to feed my nervous habit.

Jack was due to go home at any moment. He was fast asleep, and it was everything in me not to wake him in order to soak in every moment. Instead, I watched his little eyelids flutter as he dreamed in my bed. He looked so tiny on such a large mattress. He was tiny. Too small to deal with visits to dad’s house once a week and parents who couldn’t be around one another. I rested my hand against the soft hair on top of his head and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

Haley came to take him away five minutes later, giving me the cold shoulder entirely as she carried his sleeping form away. I wished more than anything that I could have given him a real goodbye, scared he would think that the time we spent together was just a long dream when he woke up in a different bed than the one he fell asleep in. Maybe one day he’d be able to forgive me for everything. I hoped he would.

The next phone call I got whisked me away to Florida. We were tracking down a killer who was going after college-aged women, doing things to them I didn’t think I’d ever be comfortable hearing. It made me sick every time, without fail.

It’s a lie to believe that it ever gets easier. It doesn’t. You just have to learn how to deal with a constant barrage of bad news.

I held the door for her as we walked into the house of the latest victim’s parents. She gave me a soft smile and a curt ‘thank you’ before slipping back into the persona she puts on to speak with others on the job. I let her take the lead, admiring the way she could break down walls so easily. Her voice was soft and sounded like silk as she spoke. She occasionally looked at me to give a word or two, though I much preferred to let her continue without my interruption. The family responded so well to her.

“That went surprisingly well,” she muttered under her breath as we walked back to the car.

“Of course it did. You always know what to say,” I noted, a tiny small pulling at my lips.

We got in the car, and she looked at me, unimpressed.

“You’re being such a suck-up. Remind me, who’s the head of the unit, again?” she asked, a cheeky smile on her face.

My own smile came through now, and I shook my head, pulling out onto the road.

“I’m trying to compliment you. Just take it.”

“You know I don’t take compliments well.”

“I know.”

“Then why do you insist on giving them?”

I sighed. She was so delightfully stubborn sometimes.

“Because you should hear it.”

“I disagree.”

“Disagree all you want. I know you secretly like it,” I said, glancing at her briefly out of the corner of my eye.

“You don’t know anything, Hotchner.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

She laughed, rolling down the window to see the trees and buildings pass us by as we drove along. It suddenly felt so silly and domestic. Her smile still stuck in place as she watched the city, and the radio playing low, a breeze seeping into the usually-stuffy vehicle.

“When was the last time you had a vacation?” she asked.

I hummed, thinking on my answer. It had been a long time, that’s for sure.

“A couple years since I had a real one. Little trips here and there, but I’m not sure those really count.”

“You deserve one. Like, a real vacation. Sitting by the pool and frying like a piece of bacon in the sun. I think that would suit you.”

“A sunburn?”

She laughed again. “No. Relaxation. You don’t get enough of that.”

“It would be nice.”

“Why don’t you take one? You deserve time off more than anyone.”

I shrugged. “Not sure being all alone right now would do me any good.”

“Oh,” she said, going quiet.

“That sounded really—“

“No! No,” she cut me off, almost panicked. “I get it. Maybe we can convince Strauss to let us stay an extra day next time we’re in a warm climate. Then you can hang out with the whole team and get some rest.”

“Does that count as a vacation?” I asked with a chuckle.

“Baby steps, Hotchner. We’ll work you up to a full-fledged one.”

“Right.”

Our time in Florida was short. We were lucky to catch our unsub quickly. Though it meant that, at least for the time being, the woman I was paired with for much of the case would be away from me again. She deserved time to herself, much like she tried to convince me I should have, but I couldn’t help but wish I could stick around her a little longer. It was probably selfish, maybe me slipping down a slope I couldn’t return from, but she made the slide down so comfortable.

I found myself in my bedroom, all alone, but feeling a little less lonely. As if on cue when I started feeling that familiar weight on my chest, she sent me a message.

- ‘I have the sneaking suspicion you’re still awake. If I’m right, please get some sleep. At least for my sake if you won’t do it for your own. I’m bringing you breakfast tomorrow morning and I don’t want to deal with a grumpy Hotch.

- Sweet dreams, boss man.’

I bit back a smile, setting my phone and the wedding band on my finger on the nightstand.

NEXT PART ->

[itshoneywhatever]

WIP Wednesday

Anyone remembers this?? Well, I finally started writing it, and wanted to give you a little taste of it

“Well, if it isn’t Bagman.”

After having his conversation with Admiral Simpson about being considered for this upcoming special detachment — which is an odd thing considering he is an instructor on base, but couldn’t argue against the whole “you’re the only naval aviator on active duty with a confirmed air-to-air kill, of course you’re being considered” — he had gone to pick up his kids from the daycare and, after a quick stop by their home, he drove them to the beach to decompress from the sudden sense of dread that had filled his every cell of his body when he left Cyclone’s office.

He hadn’t expected to run into someone he knew.

“Phoenix,” he says in greeting, not looking away from where his twins are playing on the sand a few feet in front of him.

“You know, it’s considered creepy to watch children,” she teases in good nature.

“And here I was, thinking it was considered good parenting to pay attention to your kids.” He teases back, and this time he does turn to look at her so he can catch her processing that tidbit of information.

“They are yours?” The incredulity in her tone is enough for Jake to be honest.

“Yeah.” He admits.

“So where’s their mother?” Nat looks around, trying to find a woman that could be the mother of his children — Jake knows she’s not gonna find anyone.

“Don’t you mean the other father of my children?”

“Other fa—” she cuts herself, understanding finally dawns on her. “You’re a carrier?”

“Yeah.” He’s confused. Isn’t she friends with Bradshaw?

“No shit.”

“Why are you acting all shocked? Like you didn’t know this already.”

“Because I didn’t. Was it meant to be public knowledge?”

“No, but, like, you know about me and Bradley, you know, back in the day.”

“Yeah, of course I know about that, Bradley told me everything about it.” Nat frowns, even more confused now. “Are you sure Rooster knows?”

“I mean, how can he not? The guys literally saw me taking my birth control pills.”

“You’re thinking too highly of his intelligence.” Jake gives her a flat look. “Unless it’s about naval aviation, Bradshaw is incapable of understanding anything else.”

“Yeah, there’s not a lot going on behind those cow eyes,” he concedes.

Nat hums in response, and Jake is not sure if she’s agreeing with him or not. He turns to look back at his kids when he hears her letting out the most dramatic gasp he’s ever heard outside of a sitcom. Jake looks at her again and sees the wild look on her face.

“They are not Rooster’s, are they?”

Jake refrains from laughing at her, thank you very much.

“Not unless he’s fluent in Italian.”

“International, nice.” She sits down next to him on the sand. “Is he in your life?”

Jake shakes his head no. “It was a one night stand, and by the time I found out I was carrying them I was back in the States and five months into it.”

“So you’ve been raising them by yourself?”

“Yeah, but I have a lot of support too, so I can’t really complain.”

“That’s good.” She looks at the kids now chasing each other, running around the mount of sand that they created. Nat thinks it was their attempt to make sand castles. “They say it takes a village.”

“Maybe, but the village has to be willing to help and I’m thankful I have people that want to help me.”

“Coyote?” She guesses, remembering how close they used to be back in their Academy days and then when the three of them were stationed on the same carrier for six months.

“And his family and my own.” Jake looks at her profile before he turns to look at his kids again. “Wanna meet them?”

“Can I?”

“If you can bite your tongue and not say anything bad about me, then yeah, of course you can.” He nudges her slightly, in order to convey that he’s saying that in good nature.

“You run a hard bargain but deal.” She teases back easily too. “What are their names?”

Jake stands up and offers her a hand too as he informs her of their names, “ Tommy and Annie.”

They spend the rest of the afternoon talking and playing with the twins, and Jake can tell that his babies have charmed their way into Phoenix’s heart with their happy laughs and consistent babbler, and calling her auntie Nat.

[askinkiskarma]

mim sneak peak soon ? 👀

hi bb, your ask singlehandedly made me start writing this chapter hahahaha, so here is everything i wrote for the last chapter of mim, and i hope you enjoy xx

“Are you sure, ma ‘ite? You know we wouldn’t force you into anything, but… please think it through. Eywa’s vision was clear, and it showed you two together. Eywa is never wrong, you know this.”

You thought about it, barely able to look into Mo’at's beautiful, sagacious eyes that always felt like they could see through you, through deception and conceit, and get to the soul of problem, the inner core of your amalgamation of conflicting, earth-shattering emotions, covered by a crust of barely-there composure, ready to erupt with any slight friction of the tectonic plates of your heart. You thought about last night, about his words, that still rang in your ears in a muffled cacophony of sounds you were trying your hardest to drown out, that you were scared would end up drowning you, instead. 

“I loved you, Vi.I fucking loved you. You were everything to me. And you broke me.” 

“Even the smallest similarity killed me, reminded me how much I hate you, how much I want to, how much I don't. I've wanted to hate you so much, I tried so hard, but you were in every dream, in every fantasy, you haunted me my whole life."

You thought about his actions, about what drove them, about how, at the end of the day, they were the same driving forces that you acted on. Hurt. Betrayal. Jealousy. Fear. You thought about your actions. How poison crept beneath your skin and pooled in your heart and pumped it through your whole bloodstream, until it was all there was, until it blinded you, and how he started this, but you continued it.

How his fault was indifference, and yours was madness that only he had the power to coax out of you. You thought about his parents, and how his dad was now your dad, and how hard you fought for hearing the magic words: “we couldn’t have done it without you, kid”. Those words, and the “you’re welcome” that followed, became as necessary to you as the air you breathe. It may have started, this need to gain Jake’s approval, as a way to get a rise out of Neteyam, your best attempt at getting him to lash out at you, scream and yell, anything but the horrible silence he ordained you with, but in time, it had less to do with the boy and more to do with you, with how his dad reminded you of your own, how the words of praise and admiration made the ones you were used to, that you’d never hear again echo through the your tent and through the forest, hidden in between the whistles and sonorous trills of birds, but never forgotten, not to you. 

You thought about his specious assumptions, and your words, and how, despite what you spat at him last night, they weren’t the whole truth. You did tell Jake that you didn’t want to mate with him, but not out of a lack of love or desire. No, the thought of one day being one with the boy who shone light through the broken cracks of your soul every day after your parents died, the boy who himself shone brighter than any star or sun or galaxy out there in the vast unknown, the boy who challenged you, and annoyed you, and loved you, and got you… it made you happy. It made butterflies flutter in your stomach and tingle, it made a fuzzy feeling gather in your brain and haze your mind until it was full of nothing but misty reveries, of a life beyond your wildest dreams and fantasies, of night flights and battles won together, of family found and family kept.

You told Jake what you did because your dreams couldn’t happen while you were pushed to the side and made to undertake the duties of a Tsakarem, they couldn’t happen if you had to forsake your talents and an integral part of yourself. You thought that, by saying no, you could make your dad proud, you could make Jake proud… make him proud. You thought that by becoming the warrior you knew you could one day be, you could help him… take away some of the burden that you knew he was shouldering all by himself, that of the eldest son, the responsible child, the prodigy of the clan. More than anything, you wanted to be worthy of him and of his love. That’s why you said no. 

But now, it was all wrong. Your love, your hate, your history and your future, everything you’ve done, everything you should have done. It was all wrong. O’i’en was right, you realised. You held onto this broken relationship, this hopeless promise of a mateship, not because you wanted revenge, but because you wanted him… in any way you could get him. Your undefeated stubbornness, and the war that left too many collateral victims for you to ever be able to sleep at night again, led to scars in your soul no one could ever fix, that you’d have to mend yourself in time, that you never could while in an arrangement you should have declined to begin with. It was finally time… 

“I’m sure, ma Tsa’hik.”

…time to say goodbye to the child you knew - the one you were, the one he was, and the love that took too much of both of you, the one that turned to ashes in your mouth. 

coming soon x

[pascalscoffin]

Away From The Devil pt. VIII

Full Pedro Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Pt. IX

Warning: Minors Go Away I Will Kick You In Your Forehead. I just don’t want kiddos here. Reader is around 24, Joel is 56. Reader is female and uses she/her pronouns. Joel’s trying so hard to behave, pray for him. Mentions of David. Reader grew up Christian but the real kind not the David kind.

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Joel was suffering, after Ellie was up and dressed you were on the road again, and then the Fleetwood Mac CD was being pushed into the radio, your fingers crossed before you cheered when it started to play the first song. It was one of those CDs that had all their best hits on it. It was just loud enough to hear without disturbing any conversations. The sun was at the perfect angle and it shined on you just right and made you look like a goddess and god he was… he was in rough shape.

The windows were down, rushing air in while your head bobbed and your lips mouthed along to every song that came on, your brain eager to memorize it. When you weren’t doing that you were distracting Ellie, trying to give her reasons to talk or laugh, even if it didn’t always work and it was obvious Ellie wasn’t in the mood to talk.

You were beautiful, it was just a fact Joel couldn’t get away from or deny in the slightest of ways. You had a whole life ahead of you, though. Sure it may not be much of a life with the apocalypse and Joel destroying any chance there might be of the world going back to the way it was any time. But you could find someone your own age, someone that would love you properly and would be better attuned to someone your age. Joel was old and it’s been years since he was with a woman your age or even one remotely similar to you.

You reminded him of before, how easy it was to be happy then and how fleetingly the emotion came now. Despite what you’ve seen and done you still had that aura about you, like nothing could take your smile from you and he found himself admiring that more than anything.

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You drove for a while before the SUV started to make an odd clunking noise and the radio died out as smoke started flooding from the hood. With a curse Joel had pulled over and got out to check under the hood while you and Ellie waited in the car. “You okay?” You asked her softly, turning your head towards her with a small frown.

Ellie shrugged and glanced back at you. “I’m fine. Just… sucks.” She sighed as you nodded, chewing on your bottom lip. “I’m sorry, Ellie.” You cleared your throat and turned your body towards her a little better. “I… I know you… were looking forward to it.” You looked down. “They did try, though.” God you felt like shit lying to her but her finding out the truth meant killing her relationship with Joel and whatever kind of friendship was blooming between the two of you. “They just… they were idiots, Y’know? They were working off of a maybe anyway.” You shook your head. “They were never sure it was going to work. They were just… praying it would.”

Ellie scoffed a bit at your words and you tilted your head. “What?” “Praying- funny choice of words.” She muttered and you frowned a little. “How so?” “Reminds me of David.” You straightened up a little and cleared your throat. “David was a shitty example. Of a man and a preacher.” You looked forward and clenched your jaw.

“Did you actually believe any of that shit?” Ellie scoffed lightly and you looked at her in the rearview before sighing heavily. “… I guess so, yeah.” You muttered. “Before my parents… yeah I did. When we were stuck traveling.. stuck out here. It was one of the things my mom taught me. My dad taught me some survival stuff, my mom taught me to count and read and all the other stuff. Religion was one of them, she’d read me the Bible and then I’d fall asleep to her breaking it down so I could understand what it meant.”

You shifted a little. You hadn’t really believed, or even thought much about God since your mom’s death. She’d told you to keep your faith, it was the one thing no one could take from you in this world… and as she withered away she took it with her, proving herself wrong.

“We prayed a lot and… it did make me feel better. I guess… and then she died and… it stopped feeling right.” You stared at the sliver of Joel you could see through the gap between the hood and the car, watching him try to wave the smoke away so he could look at the engine.

“Why?” You looked over at Ellie and frowned before looking away again as you tried to think about why. “… when I lost her… I lost what little bit of myself was left, I guess. What little… belief.. in anything. I had left. With my mother gone, really gone, he could do what he wanted whenever he wanted to… I couldn’t believe in something that was.. letting it happen.” You scratched your forehead and cleared your throat loudly.

“Why- why-“ you sighed and looked away before looking at her. “Why are you asking me about this?” Ellie blinked a little and shrugged. “I…” she frowned and shifted. “… why’d you keep going if you didn’t have anything to believe in… how..?” You blinked a little and looked down when you saw her rubbing her arm, opening your mouth to try and say something before you were interrupted.

“Well she got us close enough.” You looked over as Joel closed the hood and made his way to the drivers side door that was propped open. “We gotta walk the rest of the way. Probably about a five hour hike. But we can manage that, remember?” Ellie got a small smile on her face as she nodded, looking away from you to look at Joel. “Yeah.”

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Most of the hike up the mountain was silent, your fingertips sliding over trees as you passed by them, trying to think of something to say to Ellie, your conversation in the car digging at the back of your brain. You guessed Joel was getting a little tired of the silence because he kept looking back, like he was expecting you and Ellie to be talking at some point before he finally spoke.

“… Sarah and I used to hike like this all the time.” He looked back at Ellie and you could tell this was really about trying to connect with her than anything. “Wouldn’t say it was her favorite thing. She wasn’t a fan of the mosquitos and such. But she was a big climber, or scamperin’. That’s probably the right word. That girl, she’d see a big rock and just pew.” He shot his hand upward and you couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“She would’ve liked you.” He looked back at Ellie again but his eyes shifted to you for a second as well before looking at Ellie and then forward again. “Not to say, the two of you were the same. Definitely different kids.” “How so?” Ellie asked, probably her first words since you started the hike.

“Well she was a lot more… I wanna say girly, and I’m not saying you’re not girly.” “I’m not.” You laughed and shook your head. “Yeah, you’re not.” Joel agreed. “So that, heh, she was taller, she had a killer smile-“ Joel immediately defended himself, looking back at Ellie. “Again, not saying that you don’t. But you know why I think she’d like you?” “Why?” “Cause you’re funny. I think you would’ve made her laugh… Anyway, I bet you would’ve liked her back.” “Yeah. I bet I would’ve.”

As you got to the top of the little mountain/hill, you could see what Joel had referred to as Jackson several times throughout the drive and raise your brows. “There you go.” Joel looked at Ellie and then the community. “… holy shit.” You took a deep breath.

“Not much further now.” You follow Joel as he started walking, you could hear the smile on his face and you hoped he could enjoy it, hoped he could be at peace now. You hoped Ellie could be happy, too, and find something to care about besides finding a cure for a degree of humanity that you weren’t even sure deserved to be saved.

“Hey, wait.” You looked back at Ellie spoke and slowed to a stop a paces ahead of Joel. She looked at the two of you for a minute before muttering. “Fuck.” And walking closer to Joel, you stepped up to them curiously as she looked at Joel.

“Back in Kansas City you asked me about the first time I killed someone… when I got bit in the mall I wasn’t on my own. My best friend was there, and she got bit too. We didn’t know what to do and she says… ‘we can just wait it out, be all poetic and just lose our minds together.’… and then she did.. and I had to…” she looked up at Joel and took a deep breath. “Her name was Riley, and she was the first to die, and then it was Tess, and then Sam.” Joel shook his head.

“That’s not on you-“ “I know-“ “look, sometimes things don’t work out the way we hope. You can feel like-like you’ve come to an end.. and you don’t know what to do next but-but if you just keep goin’… you find somethin’ new to fight for- and maybe that’s not what you-“

“Swear to me.” You looked at Ellie and furrowed your brows. “Swear to me that everything you guys said about the fireflies is true.” “I swear.” Joel nodded and then Ellie looked at you. You nodded slowly. “Yeah, I swear.” You said softly.

Ellie stood there for a while, looking between the two of you before she nodded. “Okay.” You don’t know how convinced she was.. but it didn’t seem to be very and you just hoped she’d never find out as the three of started down the other side of the hill.

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Ellie walked ahead of you and Joel after that, the two of you walking side by side as you gave him the occasional glance. “So… Jackson. It.. it’s a, a decent place.. right?” You cleared your throat as Joel looked at you and furrowed his brows before nodding. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “They have Christmas trees.” He chuckled slightly when your eyes lit up. “Like with the lights and everything?”

He nodded. “Mhm. Lights and everythin’.” You grinned, just barely remembering going to see the Christmas lights with your parents before it all went to shit, flashes of lights and your parents’ smiles flickering through your mind. “And there’s no cannibals?” You were only half joking. Joel looked at you and chuckled lightly as he shook his head. “No cannibals.” You nodded. “Good.” You laughed lightly and sighed as you pushed your hands into your jacket pockets.

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When you got closer to Jackson a few people rode up on horses and you froze between Joel and Ellie and took a step back. “Joel-“ “you’re fine.” Joel looked back at you and held his hand towards you, nodding a little. “They’re makin’ sure it’s us.” He looked away from you towards the people on the horses.

“Joel. Welcome back.” Joel nodded to the woman on the horse. “Maria.” You looked between them with a small frown, feeling an awkward tension between them as you shifted. “Who is she?” Maria looked at you and you slowly crossed your arms, uncomfortable with all the eyes now glued to you.

“She’s.. a friend.” Joel looked back at you, and you could’ve sworn you saw his gaze soften and his eyes trail over you before he looked at Maria. “A friend?” Maria raised a brow and Joel nodded. “Where’d you meet her?” You looked down when you finally registered the dog, everything else drowning out as your heart sped up in your chest.

The dog looked mean, glaring and growling at you as it stepped closer slowly. When it got to you, though, it jumped up and put its paws on your torso. You blinked rapidly and looked up from the dog cautiously as it jumped down. Next thing you knew you were on the back of a horse with Joel, headed to Jackson.

You were quiet, looking around you as the group of horses trotted along, your hands holding onto the back of Joel’s jacket to keep you stable without actually grabbing onto him.

When you rode into Jackson a guy with long black hair and a goatee came up and helped Maria off her horse, greeting her with a kiss as Joel hopped down and helped you off the horse. His hands felt warm on your hips and they lingered a bit before he pulled away.

“You picked up a stray.” The dark haired commented as he pulled away from his hug with Joel, this must be Tommy. “This is y/n. Y/n this is Tommy. Joel’s brother.” Ellie commented. “She is fucking awesome, Tommy. She killed a Clicker! With just a knife!” You felt your cheeks warm up as Tommy’s eyebrows shot up, looking at Joel, who nodded.

“Well- then it’s great to have you around. I’m sure you’re gonna be a great help.” Tommy nodded with a smile and dropped his hands to his sides. “Alright, I’m sure you guys are hungry and stuff so we’ll grab something to eat, and then you guys can head to your house.” His eyes fell to you. “We uh… have more empty houses if you want one to yourself?” He suggested. “Joel and Ellie’s place only has.. two bedrooms so unless-“

“I’ll sleep on the couch.” Joel took your things off the back of the horse as he spoke and you looked at him curiously. “What? Joel, no, I can take the couch, it’s fine.”

“I can take the couch.” “Joel- no- you’re gonna have back problems or something.” “I ain’t that damn old.” “Joel you literally are, just shut up and let me take the couch.” Ellie looked at Tommy and mouthed. ‘Oh my god’ before looking at you and Joel. “You guys could always share.” You and Joel looked at Ellie quickly, your face burning as a smirk spread across her lips.

“… or you can have your own place.” Tommy suggested. “No.” You said quickly, clearing your throat, you didn’t want to be alone, not somewhere new. “I… we’ll just… talk about who sleeps where later.” Ellie threw her hands up but didn’t say anything, instead walking next to you as you walked towards the main area.

“Dude that was your chance.” You looked down at Ellie and shook your head. “There was no chance. He looked like he was gonna blow a gasket when you said we should share.” Ellie rolled her eyes and mumbled something you couldn’t quite hear as you stepped in.

As you say with your food you pushed all thoughts of David to the back of your mind, how Silver Lake had similar cutlery, how if David was here you’d been sitting with him, alone, with his hand somewhere on your back or thigh, possessing you without even saying anything.

But you weren’t with David, you weren’t back in Silver Lake. You were with Joel and Ellie, in a warm building with warm food and nice people who weren’t going to hurt you.

You’d be okay here.

You had to be okay here.

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Taglist:

@romanarose @orcasoul @caitlynsixxx @shotgun-shelby @aspecialgreenie

[milawritesstuff]

Does He Know : Part 8 (Gavi/Pedri Love Triangle)

Part 7 HERE.

A/N: I was kind of lost where this part was going but aaaah. The next part is going to be sad so brace yourselves.

•••

-So you didn't tell him?- Asked Val over the phone. I walked into my room and threw my book bag on the floor and immediately flopped onto the bed. -No.-

I had spent all day at uni and could feel every bone in my body aching. I laid there with my eyes closed. -I don't think I'm going to tell him.-

-I can't keep up with you, Sara.- Said Val jokingly.

-I mean, I shouldn't ... not after the little stunt Pedri pulled at Sira's celebration.-

-Joder, but he's right. You wanted him to just be there by himself when everyone else had a date? Sitting around like a lost puppy waiting for you?-

I rolled my eyes. -Are you my friend or his?- I heard Val grunting on the other end of the call.

Before Bal could say anything else I smiled as I saw Gavi's picture pop up on my phone screen.

-Val, Gavi is calling. I'll talk to you later.- I ended the call with Val and answered Gavi's.

-Hola.- I smiled into the phone.

-Hola bonita, how are you?- I could feel my cheeks burning just hearing his voice.

We hadn't seen each other since Sira's birthday celebration. He had been busy with practice and I had exams at uni. For the past few days I had tried to focus on school and put everything with Pedri behind.

-I need to see you.- Whispered Gavi into the phone. I looked at the time. -It's late. My parents won't let me go out now.- He laughed. -You're an adult, sneak out.-

I laughed into the phone. Gavi always made me feel fearless. Twenty minutes later I was outside of my front door in jeans and a hoodie waiting for Gavi's car to pull up. I walked closer to the street as I saw the lights from the car approach and once he stopped I quickly got in. I turned my head to look at him and he greeted me with a soft kiss.

-I missed you.- He said. I smiled at him. -It's only been two days.- I joked.

Gavi drove us towards an area in the city that overlooked Barcelona. We got out of the car in an area with just one street light and carefully walked up to a grassy section sitting on a bench. During the day this area was full of young girls in exercise attire running around and baby sitters and mothers running behind little kids. But at this time it was just Gavi and I. The sound of crickets behind us and the fresh Barcelona wind hitting us.

-You look beautiful tonight.-  Said Gavi as he took my hand in his. I shook my head and scrunched my nose. -You have this power... I was exhausted from uni and felt like death and as soon as you said those words I felt perfectly fine.- He giggled.

I looked at him as I admired his boyish smile and the small lines that formed around his mouth and his eyes when he smiled. He leaned in closer to me and whispered. -Eres preciosa, mi niña.-

We sat on the bench for what felt like hours as I rested my head on his shoulder. We talked about what we had done the past few days and just anything that came to mind. Time with Gavi made me feel full in a way. Safe enough to be daring. Gavi spoke from the heart and I admired that about him, even if I wasn't brave enough to do the same.

-Are you ready for the match?- I asked as he threw small pieces of plants in front of us. He placed a small kiss on the top of my head. -I think so. You're coming, right?-

-I'll be there. I take my last exam the day before...- He interrupted me.

-Perfect, then you're all mine after that?- I pulled away from him and looked up with a smile. -All yours, Pablito.- He leaned in and our lips met. His kisses were soft and gentle, they felt detailed. He slowly pulled me to sit on his lap facing him with my knees on each side of his body.

-Te quiero.- He whispered into the kiss and I felt as he helped my body begin to move over his.

-Pablo, what if someone comes by and sees us?- I asked. Gavi pulled away and looked me in the eye while making a thinking face. -That we really like each other?- He asked as I began to laugh. He shook his head.

-Sara, its so late I don't think anyone will come by.- He reassured me and we continue to kiss.

His lips moved from my lips to my neck and I could feel as he slowly nibbled at my bare skin. I grabbed onto his hair and pulled a little which caused him to growl.

About an hour later Gavi pulled up to the front of my house.

-I'll pick you up at 8?- He asked as we stood in front of my door. We had made plans to have dinner the following night with his friends.

-I'll be ready.- I said as I gave him a kiss and opened the door.

The next day

The doorbell rant at exactly 7:55pm. I grabbed my jacket and ran downstairs as I quickly yelled goodbye to my parents and brother who were sitting together watching television.

As soon as Pablo looked at me he furrowed his brows. -Why are you wearing this jacket? It's still so hot out.- He pulled me in for a quick kiss and I took the jacket off showing him my neck and a small hickey he had left.

-You left this little surprise last night. I've been trying to hide it from my parents all day.- I said.

Gavi laughed as he grabbed my hand and we walked towards his car. -It's not that noticeable. You would have to really be looking at your neck to see it.- I shrugged my shoulders. -Well, you know how parents are, I didn't want to risk it. I was trying to save you.- He smiled as he opened the door for me.

We were the last ones to arrive to the restaurant. Gavi's hands held mine and he led the way, unfortunately to the two open seats next to Pedri. I sat down and tried not to curse out loud, with Pedri on my left and Gavi on my right.

-Buenas noches, Sara.- Pedri offered me a smile. -Hola.- I responded and quickly turned my attention to Gavi, but not before noticing that next to Pedri was Ansu and then Eric and his girlfriend, so Pedri had came alone. I could feel Pedri's stare throughout the night as I tried to avoid while him making conversation with everyone else but him. Val was sitting at the other end of the table.

I took a bite of my salad when I heard Gavi begin to speak. -Where's your girlfriend, Pedri?- I began to cough as I almost choked with the food that was in my mouth. Everyone stared at me and I took a sip of water while putting my thumb up so they knew I was okay. Pedri looked at me and laughed.

-What girlfriend, Gavi?- The two continued to talk with me in between them as I tried to fake as much interest as someone can have in a salad in front of them.

-That girl from Sira's celebration.-

Pedri rolled his eyes. -She's not my girlfriend Pablo.I just didn't want to be alone that night so I brought her. You know how they are, one day they want to be with you and dedicate you a song and the next they're trying to sleep with your best friend.-

I took a bite of my salad and rolled my eyes without looking at him. I knew he was saying that stuff towards me. Gavi laughed.

-Stop trying to act tough Pedri, I know you're just trying to forget that girl you met at Val's party.- Gavi said in a lower voice. I turned my eyes to Pedri who said nothing but just looked down at the table in front of him and shrugged his shoulders. I was the girl from Val's party.

A few minutes later Gavi excused himself to go to the other end of the table and talk to Ferran. Shivers went down my spine when I felt Pedri lean in and whisper in my ear. -Nice hickey.- He said staring at me. I looked over at him and rolled my eyes while moving my hand over to cover my neck. -Why did you say that about me?- I asked.

-Say what?-

-That one day they like you and dedicate you a song and the next they're trying to sleep with your best friend.- He smirked as he looked over to make sure nobody was listening to us.

-It's not true?-

-You know it's not.-

He took a sip of his water and I felt as he placed his hand over my left thigh.

-You know what I wish I knew? I wish I knew how many kisses long your legs are.- He licked his lips following his last word while holding on to my thigh. I gulped and was suddenly startled when I felt Gavi's hand on my right shoulder.

-Idiota.- I whispered under my breathe quickly before turning over to Gavi who was smiling down at me. I felt as Pedri gave one last squeeze to my left thigh before letting go.

-Pablito.- He hugged me from the side and placed a small kiss on my cheek. I looked over at Pedri who was now looking straight ahead trying to avoid us with an annoyed look on his face.

Gavi leaned into my ear. -Can't wait to take you home and leave another little mark for you to find tomorrow.- My heartbeat began to raise as I slightly chuckled. -Behave Pablito.- He planted another kiss on my cheek.

-It's so hard to behave with you.-

A few minutes later Gavi had left once again, this time to the restroom. Pedri leaned in after Ansu, whom he had been talking with, also left the table.

-I've been thinking of our song.- I opened my eyes wide looking around to make sure nobody could hear our conversation.

-We don't have a song.- I said point blank.

-That's not what you said the other night.- I rolled my eyes.

-I said a lot of things that night that I didn't mean.- He looked at me annoyed and shook his head.

-That's fine, I've said things to you that I didn't mean either.-

My heart sank. I stood up. -Fuck you.- I whispered as I walked away while he sat there with a smirk.

I sat down next to Val. -I hate him.- I said. She laughed. -I think what you feel for him is far from hate.- I caught a glimpse of him still sitting there with a stupid smirk on his face. The black hoodie he was wearing perfectly framing his beautiful face. His jawline able to cut even the most difficult object. The way he continued to chew the gum he had grabbed after finishing dinner. The scar from cutting himself while shaving right next to the small mole he had to the left of his nose which almost went unnoticeable when he smiled because it hid it between the wrinkle that framed his mouth when he smiled. How could someone make chewing gum look so damn sexy. I shook my head trying to take myself out of my own thoughts as Val laughed and grabbed my hand.

-It's only going to get harder. You need to tell him.-

-Tell him what?- I asked.

-Either tell Gavi you're not all in on this or tell Pedri you have absolutely no feelings for him.-

I bit my inner lip. -I can't lie.-

Pedri's POV

There were only a few of us left at the dinner which had turned into a small gathering with Ansu playing music from his phone. Gavi stumbled into me trying to say goodbye. -See you tomorrow, Pedri.- He leaned in to give me a hug and I could smell the alcohol.

-Pablo, are you drunk?- I asked looking around for Sara who was walking back into the room. -I didn't even realize he was drinking.- She said to which Gavi just laughed. -You can't drive like this. We will leave your car here and I'll take you home.- I offered and as soon as the words left my mouth it hit me that he had brought Sara.

-Val can take us.- Sara immediately tried to find an alternative to spending any more time with me.

-No, I want Pedri to take us.- Said Gavi and then Val approached us. -I'm sorry Sarita, Marco drove me and we're staying at his house. Pedri is much closer to you.- She shrugged her shoulders apologetically at her friend. Sara rolled her eyes and looked at Gavi.

-Fine.-

It was already about midnight when we walked out. I led the way while Gavi and Sara followed me to my car. I managed to help Gavi get in the back seat of the car while Sara sat next to me. Gavi fell asleep right away.

-I can't believe he drank, a night before a match.- She said somewhat mad. -He will be fine tomorrow.- I assured her.

-At least it's a late match, he won't have to wake up early for practice.- She continued to talk almost as if she was trying to convince herself that her boyfriend would be fine. I laughed.

-Sara, he's 18. He could wake up in two hours and be ready to play the game of his life. He will be fine.- She nodded and I could see as she kept rubbing her hands nervously.

-You know, I could have driven his car back home.- She said breaking the silence. I turned over to look at her. -So why didn't you?-

-I don't have my license yet. The last thing I need is for the police to stop me with a drunk Gavi and no license.- I smiled at how everything she said seemed to fill my heart. It reassured me she was what I needed.

I turned onto a street close to Gavi's house which caused Sara to protest. -What are you doing?-

-Taking you and your drunk boyfriend home, Sara.- I said with an annoyed tone.

-No, I mean. Why are you dropping him off first?-

I rolled my eyes. -He's closer to where we were, you're closer to my house. In case you forgot I also have a match tomorrow and need to rest. I don't want to take you home and then have to drive back to drop off Gavi.-

-Sure.- She said.

-Don't flatter yourself, Sarita.- I said teasingly which caused her to fold her arms in front of her. There was something about pissing her off that I enjoyed.

The day had been hot, even with a warm afternoon but now out of nowhere rain had fallen. I stared outside as the rain drops hit the car windows.

When we got to Gavi's house we both walked him up. Sara took him to his room and took off his shoes and helped him get into the bed. I stood on the door frame of his bedroom as she pulled the covers over him and placed a kiss on his forehead. Despite him being by best friend and knowing how much he liked her I couldn’t help but feel jealous.

-Te quiero, Sara.- Gavi slurred as he knocked out. -Buenas noches Pablito.- She responded.

We walked back down to my car and I began to drive to her home. I didn’t need directions. I had memorized everything about the night I had taken her home. I had chosen to permanently engrave the way to her house for the rest of my life.

-Why don't you ever respond when he tells you that he likes you?- I asked catching her off guard. I turned into her street. -That's not true and if it were, it's none of your business.-

-You should have drank today, you're much nicer to me when you're drunk, Sara.- I turned around and saw as she rolled her eyes at me. -And you're an asshole whether I'm drunk or not.- She said as I parked next to her house. She opened the door to get off of my car but closed it quickly as she turned around and tried to find her purse which she had left next to Gavi in the back seat. I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her in having our lips meet.

I felt as her lips moved along with mine which meant she wanted the kiss as much as I did. Our tongues met as her hands went up to grab my hair. I slowly moved her over to my seat, recreating the first night we met. I felt as she pressed her body against mine trying to feel any type of friction between us. She was sitting on my lap with her knees on either side of my body.  I stopped the kiss and threw her head back to give me open space. I leaned in and began to suck on her neck. Going over the exact spot Gavi had left a hickey on. She let out a low moan before I went back to her lips.

-I wish I would have taken you home that night.- I said in between kisses. I could see as her chest going up and down breathing heavy. Her lips were now swollen from our kisses and she continued to move herself on top of me. My hands went over to her breasts and she whimpered as soon as she felt my touch. Slowly I moved my hands down to the hem of her top and she put her arms up making it easy for me to remove her top. I licked my lips as I stared at her chest with just her bra covering. I pushed her skirt up as I unbuttoned my pants and brought them down a little. Her mouth went down to my neck and I closed me eyes as I felt her wet lips leave small kisses. Now just the thin fabrics of our underwear between us as I pushed up so our middles could make contact. Sara moaned as I kissed her, our tongues dancing with each other.

Sara was gone. Her eyes were closed as she moved her hips over me, her breathing getting heavier and heavier. I bucked my hips up as she continued to move. I wanted nothing more than to move her underwear to the side and go in, show her everything I had been wanting to do to her since the day we met. Make her mine. But I resisted. I grabbed onto either side of her face as she furrowed her brows. The rain outside now masking her moans. I knew she was close to coming and I hadn't done much. Her hands around my neck holding on for dear life. I saw as she opened her mouth a little and let out a small moan along with my name. Her legs closing around my waist. She had reached climax. I pulled her in closer to my mouth and began to kiss her.

-I want you.- She said into the kiss. -All of you.-

That was all I needed to hear. I pulled her away from the kiss and tried looking in my pants pocket for my wallet, trying to find a condom while we sat on her street in my car. I hoped nobody would drive by or her parents wouldn't come out to look for her. As I grabbed my wallet and opened it to look for the little square foil I saw as she leaned towards where I had left her top.

-What's wrong?- I said as she started to put it on. She shook her head. -I ... I have to get home.- She said. I stared at her dumbfounded.

-You just said you wanted me.- I said confused. -I've changed my mind.- I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe. -You can't keep on doing this. How can you change your mind from one moment to the next?- I said almost scolding her.

-This is wrong. I shouldn't have let the moment take me.- She said almost as if she was trying to convince herself.

-I just made you come without having to take your panties off and you think this is wrong?- I asked.

She rolled her eyes. -And I'm sure you'll win the golden boy again for that, is that what you want? An award for making me come?- She said sarcastically.

-I want you, Sara.-

She shook her head. -I can't do this. I can't do this to Gavi. He treats me well. He ...-

I interrupted her. -Lo quieres?- Do you like him? She sat there staring at me in silence. I knew the answer, she knew the answer but I needed to hear her say it.

-We can do this once. Just one time. Get it out of our system and then you leave me alone. Let me be with him.- She reached down towards my underwear and I felt as her hand grabbed my dick. I closed my eyes and threw my head back and for a few seconds I let desire take over me. I didn't care about my best friend, I didn't care about anything other than having Sara.

I opened my eyes. -Stop Sara. Leave.- I pulled my pants up and opened the door to my car. She stared at me as the rain hit the edge of the car. -I don't want you to blame me tomorrow when you regret it. To hate me more because you can't make up your mind. - She didn't say anything. I could see her biting her inner lip as her eyes grew watery.

-Get off!- I yelled taking a deep breathe as I saw her get off of me and pull her skirt down. The rain falling over her as she ran to her front door. I closed my car door and began to drive off without making sure she got into her home. I knew myself and if I had waited I would have ran after her, kissed her, and asked for her to forgive me. Because deep down I wanted her. I needed her. But she had to realize and accept that she also needed me.

TAG LIST:

@cinderellawithashoe @httpswiftie @simpingmyassoff @bubblebeep69 @fictional-l0v3r @httpspedri26 @0alanasworld0 @l0verl4ne @gaviypedrisbride @footballerficsposts @fashphotolife @beaschampagneproblems @jvsgnjrtpdar5stkd-tv-m @ikkehehe @jjishotasf @quemirasboboandapaya @maricciardo @gaviswh0re @pedriwifefrfr @dustell @elijahslover @formula1mount

[wildlife4life]

Full moon bond or once upon a buddie intrigue me for wip asks if you’d like to share anything 😊

Because I admire you and your work so much, I will gladly share snippets from both!

Full moon bond is very popular today and I've answered a few more about it here. Here is another snippet:

Maddie and Chimney were the last to arrive, strolling up to the camp site looking slightly haggard and very tired. Jee was apparently going through another sleep regression period and lately super attached to both her parents. Technically they didn't need to shift during the full moon due to being lynx shifters instead of wolves, but Chimney says that he's been joining full moon gatherings for so long now that he swears he can feel the pull of the moon just like a wolf. Maddie, having taken Chimney's bite, says she feels the same. Plus they're pack and the bond would be very inconvenient to ignore when they can feel the others had shifted and the thoughts that are being shared. Maddie makes a beeline for Eddie the moment she notices him and Eddie braces himself. He knows exactly what she is going to speak to him about. Its the same conversation every full moon since her turning. Brown eyes misty with concern, the female lynx plants herself in front of her brother's partner. Her gaze flickers away for a second, taking note of the magical markings around the campground. A deep breath in and Eddie suspects she's trying to catch a whiff of Buck's scent. Maddie recognizes the witch's work and she was probably hoping at the sight of it, that Buck had joined the shifters this full moon. She becomes further disheartened when that is not the case and her saddened eyes return to Eddie. "He told me he was going to think about." She says softly. Buck has been telling his sister that before every full moon since she took Chimney's bite. It was lie every time and only to have one less person pester the witch about joining the pack. Slowly, Maddie reaches out and lets her fingers hover over Eddie's bare chest, glowing gold orbs tracing the geometric brand that marked him as Buck's mate in replacement for a bite. "I thought when you two mated, when he took you as his anchor Evan would..." Evan would finally join the pack and be one with them all during the full moon. Yea, Eddie thought so too.

Once Upon a Buddie is much beloved and the first fic I actually created for buddie and I really hope to get back to it.

Hot deputy whipped his full attention towards the jailed man, causing Buck to take in sharp breath. The entire force of the deputy’s anger and attractiveness were slightly overwhelming and made him a little weak in the knees. “Oh, you’re not?” Hot deputy growled and shivers went down Buck’s spine, imagining that same tone used in another less civilized situation. “Then what are you? Huh? Cus what I see is a stranger, an outsider from a big city driving my son around and feeding into his out-of-control imagination.  Letting him believe that you are some sort of Prince!” Buck jumped to his feet, “Hey man all I did was listen.  I didn’t confirm or deny anything.  And I drove him to a hospital, a safe haven where he told me his mother works!”  He was getting tired of the being accused as some sort of child perv.  “Christopher ran away on his own accord.” “My son has no reason to run away!” the Deputy yelled. “No one would listen to him! And when someone finally did, he was told he was crazy, making everything up.  He felt alone, so he ran to find someone who would listen, who would maybe understand!” The Deputy took several steps forward, fist clinching tight at his side, “Don’t act like you know my son!” “Diaz that is enough!” Sheriff Grant jerked the Deputy back at the collar of his jacket before turning back to Buck, “You too Buckley.” Buck threw his hands up in surrender and dropped back on the bed, “I’m done answering questions. Give me my phone call and corroborate my story.  I want out of this town.”

WIP tag game

[nochuelinha]

Chapter 1:Welcome to Gotham

The day to leave had finally come. With few suitcases and a backpack, I headed to the airport accompanied by Lucy, my now former governess. Even in the spring, the incessant drizzle of London fell without stopping, creating a melancholic atmosphere that somehow comforted me.

"You know you can stay here with us," Lucy said, visibly unhappy with my departure. She always appreciated my company and did everything for me, but I needed to move on. My parents' now empty house carried the ghosts of the past. Every corner reminded me of painful moments, and staying there would only increase my anguish.

"I love all the moments we've spent together, Lucy. But... it's too painful to stay here. You know that, with time, I would lose the rest of my sanity," I tried to make a joke to lighten the mood, but my tone of voice betrayed the sadness I felt. Unfortunately, Lucy didn't even crack a smile.

The trip to the airport was quick. Along the way, I thanked Lucy for everything she had done for me over the years. However, now it was time to move on.

The journey to the airport didn't last long. I bid farewell to Lucy amidst silent tears and sad smiles. I promised to call her whenever I could, although I hated talking on the phone, and she knew that well. After checking in my luggage, I waited for boarding time. My earphones were already connected as soon as I left Lucy's presence, providing distraction throughout the flight. It was a few hours on the plane; I know I dozed off at times, but memories of the city haunted me whenever I closed my eyes.

After retrieving my luggage, I headed towards the exit of Gotham Airport. Pausing for a moment, I scanned the crowd, searching for my uncle. How long had it been since I last saw him? A calloused hand touched my shoulder, startling me. It was Alfred.

"You haven't changed a bit, dear. Still the same lovely girl," Alfred said, his London accent still strong.

"I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or a great offense," I joked, hoping for a smile to break the slight awkwardness of reuniting with a distant relative. To my relief, he chuckled genuinely and asked me to let him handle the luggage. I followed Uncle Alfred to a new, undoubtedly expensive car, all black and imposing. At least Mr. Wayne has good taste.

'''The weather in Gotham is much like London, very rainy and cold, but it's less welcoming and certainly more dangerous, so I ask that you be careful," Alfred said as he drove through the wet streets of the city. I looked out the passenger window and nodded in agreement with his words. "I know you don't need to worry about money," he continued, referring to the hefty inheritance my parents left behind. I looked at him with more interest, hoping he would finish easing my curiosity. "But I happened to mention to Master Bruce your technology skills and recent graduation in pharmacy and biomedicine. He was very interested and would like you to assist him with his work..."

"In his company? I hate anything involving paperwork and formal dress codes," I joked, but it was true.

"No, the company is managed by a specialized team. He needs your skills for a different type of work," Alfred was horrified when I joked about not doing any sexual favors for an old bald man. "What? It's not that kind of service either. Stop thinking nonsense, and you'll find out when we arrive at Wayne Tower," I laughed at how offended he seemed by my little joke. It felt good to smile again.

We arrived at Wayne Tower, and damn, it's a very luxurious and imposing building. If Bruce Wayne has money, he doesn't hesitate to spend it. We rode the main elevator to the top floor. Alfred got out first with the luggage, and I followed closely behind, admiring the grand room around me. It was spacious, luxurious, and well-decorated, but a bit dark due to the large dark curtains on the windows.

"So, where's the bald guy who's going to shelter me and give me a job?" I innocently asked my uncle, who narrowed his eyes and was about to scold me when a deep voice interrupted us.

"Who's bald?" A muscular and very, very handsome man was coming down the central staircase wearing a black T-shirt, sweatpants of the same color, and bare feet. He definitely wasn't bald; he had medium-length very black hair and intensely blue eyes that were too captivating to look away from. Damn, I felt myself blushing under his gaze. I coughed to hide my embarrassment and offered my hand to him, stating my name. He took it, and his hand covered mine quickly; it was warm and slightly calloused.

"Bruce Wayne, pleasure to meet you. Alfred probably told you that I'm interested in working with you, but I want you to feel at home and settle in first.''

[thehoneybuzz]

Nine years ago today, on the eve of my 22nd birthday, I woke up knowing I would meet an elephant, and that's precisely what I did.

I bought new clothes for the occasion. I woke up early and curled my hair. The day promised to be a special one, worthy of the extra effort I took in welcoming it. Ian drove us the 3 hours from Sarasota to Ocala, and we arrived at Two Tails Ranch, an elephant rescue in central Florida. The ranch is the only privately owned elephant facility of its kind, unique like so many things are in Florida.

Elephants trumpeted our arrival and accepted every carrot we offered before it was time to climb aboard. It was one of the happiest days of my life – not just the chance to interact with an animal I admired in a space they were well cared for – but the thoughtfulness of my partner who would gift me an experience of such deep meaning. It was a happy birthday, indeed.

So why, then, were my palms sweating? Why did my heart keep pounding in my chest? Why did my breath catch when the keeper stood up to speak? With nine years of distance, I finally understand that day through the lens of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. In that moment, I just felt crazy.

You see - March 9th isn't my birthday. It's his. Because the universe has a mean sense of humor, the man who abused me celebrates his existence the day before I celebrate mine. We were born one day and seven years apart. When we were a family, we'd celebrate together. It's an odd thing to share birthday cake with your abuser, but it's something I did for ten years. I was a decade removed from my abuse at 22 years old, but I was just beginning to understand its impact. I steadied my shaking hands by grabbing Ian's. I told myself what I always did - that today was just a day, and I'd get through it.

From the time I first began to understand what happened to me, that I was a victim of something truly evil, I vowed to live above the influence of that abuse. I was naïve. I didn't realize how little say we have in how our brain encodes its traumas – that the mental flinch I made when confronted with reminders of the past, like birth dates, was indicative of so much more. I ran from abuse into the arms of achievement, and I was comfortable there. That day, however, my hands wouldn't stop shaking. I had pushed on but never healed.

The keeper stood before the small crowd and introduced the elephants like old friends. "This is Luke," she said, and I lost my remaining breath. I would be celebrating my birthday with an elephant who shared the name of my abuser. Happy birthday to me. It was a relatively cool day, even by Florida standards, but I was sweating.

I told myself it didn't matter. That Luke didn't have power over me anymore. That a name, by itself, isn't evil. I even bought a magnet with Elephant Luke's picture on it. I could look at the magnet as evidence of what I could overcome. It served as evidence of how little I was bothered by something that happened so long ago and wasn't I doing fine? Wasn't I? The magnet lived on my fridge, but I still avoided looking at it. I realize now that this is also the perfect metaphor for how I treated my abuse – affixed to me by a force I didn't understand but not as something that needed my attention. By 30, it would demand it.

I would return to Two Tails several times over our years in Florida. I took my brother the day before we got our elephant tattoos, and I took my stepsister when she visited with our parents. My brother knew about my abuse, having witnessed its discovery, but I had never told my stepsister. I rarely told anyone. I didn't know the shame would cost me my family.

Thirty found me in a much different place than 22. In many ways, I had become the woman I always wanted. I had a pilot's license and a master's degree en route to a Ph.D. I'd climbed three volcanos. Ian and I were married and happy. I had a growing army of nieces and nephews to call my own. My stepsister announced she was pregnant that year, and I was overjoyed. Ian and I had moved from Florida to Washington to be closer to family, and as soon as we arrived, that family promised to grow. But it didn't. Instead, it exploded.

My stepsister named her child Luke. She announced her chosen name during her pregnancy, and I knew I had a decision to make. First, I had to tell her. That part wasn't a choice. I also had no choice in my feelings; they ebbed and flowed against my will. But I could decide what to do next. If I told her my association, I hoped that would be enough for her to change her mind. I looked at the magnet, at Luke the Elephant with his perfectly crossed tusks, and told myself all the lies I had told myself for years. That Luke was just a name, that the pain of my past didn't bother me, that I could outrun my fear. I tried to promise my sister that I'd love who she created, regardless of his name, and that I wanted to honor her choice. Ultimately, they were promises I couldn't keep. I could not simply put away my past. Trauma doesn't negotiate. It's a terrorist making demands.

Family discussions about the name escalated to full-on panic attacks, and I punished myself for them further. Why couldn't I just get over it? Why did I see the choice between mother and child as involving me at all? Why couldn't I just accept the name? "Move on," I begged. "Move on." No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't gain control. When I imagined holding my nephew, I had to imagine pushing down the thoughts of being molested as a child at the same time. I felt like a failure. All that running I had been doing, and I had gotten nowhere at all. At 30, I reverted to something I hadn't done since I was 21. I cut my wrists to manage my pain. It had to go somewhere, and instead of letting it go, I poured it back into my body.

I was so afraid. It felt like no matter what I did, the story of my abuse would somehow become a part of my nephew's story – especially if I wasn't healed. I couldn't accept it, and I couldn't move on. The pain had to end with me. I asked my sister to change the name and told her, honestly, about my past and its consequences. I went to therapy and received the diagnosis of complex PTSD. Still, her mind didn't change. I removed myself from our shared family. It felt like the only way to keep the new Luke safe. It felt like the only way to keep myself safe, too.

The magnet still lives on my fridge. It's a complicated token of my journey, but one I can make regular eye contact with now. I've realized that healing isn't an outcome as much as a practice, and I know I'm making strides. Still, days are hard. I may never feel safe enough to return to my family as I did before. The pain of loss and grief has become as much a part of my story as the abuse itself. The challenge is to accept that my needs are valid and that I am not less because of them.

I am not less because someone chose to hurt me. I am not less for the ways my brain and body adapted to keep me alive. I'm not less because I am unwilling to engage in relationships that don't consider my needs. I am human. Beautifully complicated, full of both darkness and light.

Last year I climbed a volcano for my birthday. This year, I climb a mountain of a different kind. I've spent 30 years in the valleys of my shame. Afraid to write this down, afraid to share it. Worried that my words might only be honored or believed if they were delivered in the right way. I'm done with all that. I'm 31 tomorrow, and that makes me a grown-up. It's my turn.

So here it is, universe. His name. My secret. You can take it. I'll keep the parts I need – the bravery it gave me, the strength. I've bartered with the universe before – exchanging pain for empathy and hurt for care. Today I offer shame for something beautiful. Shame in exchange for the truth of knowing who we truly are. I have lived for 30 years, afraid that people would discover what I am. I falsely equated my identity with my victimhood. I have lived 30 years, ashamed of myself for being abused. Tomorrow? I'm 31. And I'll wake up believing this truth: Who I am is not what happened to me, and I am enough as I am.

Happy fucking birthday to me.

[firelord-frowny]

lame feels

not meeeeeeeeeee watching chloeXhalle videos and almost crying with jealousyyyy bc its hard for me not to see them as an example of the success that can be achieved by talented people when they have a network of people who actually want to support them in reaching their goals lmaoooo

they, particularly, stir up envy/self pity in me because i feel like i even resemble them physically??? i mean not in a way where someone might say i'm a ~look alike,~ but the general features are of a similar variety??? wide, slanted eyes on an alien-shaped face. same skin tone. well-defined lips, full cheeks, tiny chin.

and they didn't just materialize into fame and recognition by the sheer magnitude of their talent.

everybody who ever gets anywhere doing anything, at some point along the way, had PEOPLE! People who helped. People who freely gave their time and energy. People who took chances. People who gave something valuable that they had to offer, knowing and accepting that they may never get anything in particular in exchange.

i don't care what anyone says - personal hard work and dedication are obviously prerequisites for any kind of journey from nobodiness to success. But if absolutely 0 people that they ever encounter go out of their way to open a door, you aint achieving shit. Even in a case where somebody gets overlooked and turned away again and again and again and again, your eventual success is still only realized when someone FINALLY decides that you're deserving of the resources they have.

And I look at all these successful people that I've admired over the years, and I learn about their pasts, and about how so-and-so took a chance on them, or their whole family moved to a new state or even a new country so they could more easily access the things that will help them achieve their goals, or their moms flew them all around the country for auditions, or arranged for them to be homeschooled so they could focus on honing their crafts and have more time to pursue opportunities, blah blah...

someone important in your life, before you had the wisdom or the power or the funds to do things on your own, made the decision that your aspirations were more important than their convenience. Someone had to think that you were worth investing in. Someone had to believe that by helping you succeed, they succeed, too.

my parents sent me to one single orchestral festival when I was 15 and it cost them $6,000 and they have not let me live it down ever since. they drove me once a week to a violin lesson 35 minutes away and STILL complain about how much gas it took to get there and back. Each and every time they attended any of my performances, they didn't gush over how well I did or how proud they were during our drive home. No - they tallied up how much time they "lost" out of their day because of me. "It took us an hour to get ready, then another hour to drive out here. So that's already two hours. Then the performance started late, so that's an extra twenty minutes. The concert itself was an hour and a half, so now that's about four hours. Then it took you 10 whole minutes to come out from backstage and get ready to get in the car. And now there's traffic on the way home. So that's over five hours we just spent on you today. And you only played for six and a half minutes."

?????????????????? sorry???????????? i'm a Serious Musician studying music seriously. i have auditions. i have performances. I just DO. Why the whole helling fuck are you tallying up the time you've ~had~ to spend on the pursuit of my goals like it's something I DID to you?? Like you'd rather be doing anything else on earth besides nurturing the growth of the child you had on purpose? Like your world would be so much more peaceful if I was a pet rock instead of a gifted human being.

and god, for my whole entire life - truly, my ENTIRE life until this day - they love, love, LOVE to tell me how ~ungrateful~ they think I am.

I'M SORRY???? what the hell else do you want me to do or say??? What was I supposed to do on the way home from an audition or a performance other than smile and hug you and say thank you? I asked for literally nothing. I wasn't a greedy kid. I didn't demand new shoes or beg for video games. I didn't ask to go to parties. I didn't ask for money. I wasn't bratty. And when I was told 'no' regarding the few sorts of things I DID ask for, I didn't throw a fit over it. I didn't even ask to be taken to all these auditions and performances! I didn't throw tantrums when I didn't get my way. I didn't beg for things they couldn't afford. I didn't accuse them of being shitty parents if they didn't provide every itty bitty thing I wanted. I was such a normal kid. With a normal amount of needs that required a normal amount of my parents time and money. i still don't know what the hell kind of ~gratitude~ they're looking for. I ask them and they can't even tell me. the most they'll ever say is "well! you need to help out more!"

"ok, with what?"

"just help out more!"

"WITH? WHAT?"

"You need to contribute!"

CONTRIBUTE TO WHAT??? HELP WITH WHAT??? GIVE ME A FUCKING LIST! DRAW UP AN ITINERARY! A CONTRACT! A DEMAND LETTER! TELL ME A TASK! DESCRIBE A SPECIFIC PHYSICAL ACTION THAT WOULD DEMONSTRATE TO YOU THAT I APPRECIATE THE THINGS YOU PROVIDE!!! TELL ME WHAT YOUR CURRENCY IS!!!!

"you're not a giver! you're just a taker!"

ok well you know what i have to give???

The Fuck Up.

i give the fuck up! i give up! i give up! i give up trying to convince you that the success and eventual independence of your kid is its own reward. i give up trying to figure out what it is that i'm not doing that, if i did it, would inspire you to support me without reminding me of all the time and money you've lost just so I could have a chance to get good at something that would someday turn me into a functioning adult who would be able to thank you years later by taking good care of you when you're too old to take care of yourselves.

I don't know what the hell else you wanted from me at 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18. I know that now, at 30, I should finally HAVE something that i could give back, but i don't, and the real fucking truth at the root is that that's more YOUR fault than it is mine. Granted, it's my responsibility to fix it now, and it's my job to give myself what I didn't get before, and each and every coming day that I spend doing something other than nurturing my own growth is on me, and if I never ever ever get anything I want in my life, that will be 100% my fault.

But I didn't grow myself up into this person. I didn't behave my own way into feeling so worthless.

you plant a goddamn cherry blossom in eight inches of clay and then water it with gasoline and light it on fire and then scold it for not growing. what a joke.

i'm trying so so so so so so so hard to make myself believe the truth that I AM worth investing in. I AM worth partnering with. But I swear to fucking god - legit, no exaggeration, no hyperbole - if I even think too hard about involving anyone else in the pursuit of my goals in any way, shape, or form, i burst into tears. guilt, anger, grief. blunt-force agony of utter embarrassment.

why would anyone want to start a string quartet with me? why would anyone want to co-author/illustrate children's books with me? why would anyone in any position of authority want to spare a few minutes to discuss a business proposal with me? why would anyone believe that my talent could bring value to their preexisting projects? why would someone even look at me when they could watch paint dry instead?

what a fucking MONUMENT i could have been by now if anyone ever cared enough to set me up for success back when it was their job to do so. god, the CONFIDENCE i could have grown into if, back when it mattered, the influential people in my life treated me like I was worth their time. if anyone had ever expressed joy and pride when I succeeded at anything. if anyone had ever done or said anything to make me feel like they enjoyed watching me be good at something.

But why shower your intellectually and artistically gifted child with encouragement and help put them in a position to keep reaching new heights when instead you can fucking hit them for missing the bus and failing a math test lmao amirite?

i look at somebody successful who has anything in common with me and my heart fucking SHATTERS because they were worthy enough for someone to go above and beyond for, and I wasn't. Somebody was proud to help them succeed. my people were never even glad to help me get by, let alone flourish.

i swear im trying to do it for myself now but it is SO HARD to see through this fog.

[alexxcarrasco]

— BASICS

NAME: Alex Carrasco NICKNAMES: N/A FACECLAIM: Adria Arjona AGE: April 4, 1996. 27 GENDER & SEXUALITY: Cisfemale. Heterosexual HOMETOWN: Queens, NYC AFFILIATION: Law Enforcement JOB POSITION: Criminal Profiler Intern EDUCATION: Political Science Degree RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single and ready to mingle. CHILDREN: None.

— PERSONALITY

POSITIVE TRAITS: Sociable, observant, decisive, intuitive, adaptable, ambitious NEGATIVE TRAITS: Fiery, impatient, competitive, dominating, outspoken

— BIOGRAPHY

Alex was, on the outside, the perfect little girl any parent could ask for. She was sweet, thoughtful, are rarely complained. However, she craved attention from both her mother and father almost every minute of every day. Her mother was very loving and devoted to her children. She was always there for her and her brothers when they needed her.

Her father, however, was a workaholic. Alex didn’t see this as a bad thing. He tended to be around when she did need him, and that was all that mattered to her. That, and as she grew older, she began to admire his work ethic. In fact, she had asked him several times if she could tag along with him. Alex wanted to know what his work life was like. She wanted to have the same passion and commitment to his work as he did. Alex also wanted to make him proud. This is what led her to get her degree in political science, and then, internship in law enforcement.

The middle Carrasco child is much different than her brothers. She wants to follow in her fathers footsteps. She wants to be strong, independent, and good. But being given attention is like a drug to her. She wants to be in the middle of it. She wants eyes on her, just so she can show people just how great she really is. She wants to succeed and be just as high up, if not more, than her own father.

Alex is her fathers daughter, and nobody should forget that.

— WANTED CONNECTIONS / PLOTS

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY - Whether they met in high school, college, or somewhere in between, this person was the first person that Alex fell hard for. She imagined her life with this person and while they didn't talk about it a lot, she truly thought that this would be it. But then, she wouldn't prioritize that person. She focused more on work than anything else and that, along with her outspoken and sometimes self centered attitude, drove this person away.

FAMILY FRIEND - This person has watched Alex grow up. They've seen her start as a little princess, a wannabe spoiled girl, to an independent, hardworking woman. They see her potential to do well and thrive in law enforcement. However, they also see how close she is with her older brother, and wonder if she's truly as good as she claims she is.

I WILL CORRUPT YOU - You know who Alex is. You know who her father is and who her brothers are. You know that she is good, or maybe, in your mind, she just acts like she's good. Underneath, you wonder, if there's more? If you can get under her skin, plant a small seed of doubt, and watch it bloom into something else. You want to try to drive her away from the life she worked hard to get, and bring her into something more exciting and dark. But is she as susceptible to your influence as you believe she is?

ENEMY OF MY FATHER/BROTHER - You despise her father, who is Deputy. Whether you had your own argument with him, or he's made your life hell, you want to repay him for everything he's done to ruin your life. You learn that not only does he have three children, but one of them is a girl who also works in Law Enforcement. You decide that this is your chance to get back at him, by using her. OR You despise her brother. Whether he betrayed you, or harmed you in some way, you want to repay him for everything he's done to you. You learn that he has a little sister, whom he loves and is very protective of. You decide that this is your chance to use her in order to get what you want from him.

I'll add more later or if you have any other plots or connection ideas, just let me know!

[tetsunabouquet]

As someone autistic myself, can the Tumblr neurodivergent comu-munity please stop vilifying non-autistic people? You're just as judgemental as the 'neurotypicals'. I have so many issues with the way that word gets used, like for one, people use it all the time specifically for non-autistic individuals... Like there aren't dozens of different disorders that would make someone neurodivergent but not autistic. Then there's the common, 'neurotypicals demonize us/abuse us for not fitting into society' narrative which also is demonization, funnily enough. My mom has BPD, can sometimes be abusive and I have a sobby backstory worthy of being a drama movie. Yet she's way more accepting of me being autistic then many posts make non-autistic people to be and she's far from an outlier. The ghetto I grew up in was bad enough that cops refused to come for minor crimes anymore and would only come if people were getting murdered or for drug raids because no cop wanted to be assaulted for minor disturbances. I have two childhood friends, siblings who lived at the edge of the ghetto area. The youngest is neurodivergent and his mother has an incredibly rare condition to her ears that leaves her deaf for the most part. Her husband and eldest are neurotypical. Back when I was undiagnosed and literally suicidal as a 5 year old as I was shunned by everyone else, their eldest was my rock and the friend who kept me going. Their father was part of the neighborhood watch, risking his literal life precisely because he has a disabled wife and child. This family was downright morally beautiful and admirable. Don't even get me started on my Turkish neurotypical childhood best friend, she was an angel. It sucks that your parents, your friends or your partner doesn't supports you for your autism and might abuse you for it, but don't talk like that's an inherent common occurence for everyone autistic. That's insulting our family and friends who ARE understanding of us, who ARE risking things for us. Because that certainly exists! Stop projecting the abuse that neurotypicals gave YOU, on every neurotypical individual. The neurotypical adults who gave me shit for saying 'the wrong thing' are people I can count on one hand and the non-autistic children are people I can count on two hands. I am not counting neurotypical strangers making comments to my mom in moments where I had a breakdown as a child in a public place as they don't know I am autistic. The moment I tell people I am autistic, neurotypicals generally become understanding and respectful if they see me acting differently as they'll recognize I am invisibly disabled and that's why I act that way. Most people DO try to understand. My mom cleans the police station, also sees people who are psychologically off their rocker and got arrested for their own safety sometimes. Even the assholes who do make comments, will never say it to their faces and lots of cops are actually very sweet to these people and will do everything to make the experience as little traumatizing as possible. Even I got arrested once when I was like 14 or 15 when I had a psychotic depression caused by my C-PTSD. When I informed them in the police car, scarred out of my wits they just drove me home instead of the station and advised me to take medication for my issues as whilst I did receive treatment I hadn't been prescribed any medication. Thinking anything else other then most neurotypical people are just trying to be kind and understanding when they are aware you're disabled is prejudice and a sign of being chronically online as people are a lot more harsher on the internet. Whilst I don't know all of you, a lot of Tumblr users didn't grew up fearing for their own lives and future the way I did yet you're the people acting as if your regular life outside of the internet is unsafe... I swear, you guys wouldn't survive the streets with this 'woe is me' attitude. I was born on a wednesday and my life shows it but I'm not going to hate society for being tough. Because that's life for virtually EVERYONE.