#I used the wall shape I was gonna use for my giant wall on this! so I decided the roof should be blue

[dephoraowo]

I feel like some people in the fandom need to go read a dictionary because where on earth does the novel even show Wei Wuxian having a hero complex?

The novel literally shows the opposite:

The suction from within Biling Lake was growing progressively more powerful. While Wei Wuxian’s sword excelled in dexterity and agility, a lack of strength just happened to be its weakness, and it was forcefully pulled to lower and lower altitudes until it was close to the surface of the lake.

Wei Wuxian steadied himself while yanking on Su She with both hands, shouting, “Somebody come help! If I can’t get him up, I’m gonna have to let go!”

And this:

“Stand back,” Lan Wangji said. “You are not needed here.”

Wei Wuxian humbly took his advice and backed off. He backed all the way to the entrance and took a peek outside. Wen Ning was in the middle of stoically strangling Song Lan, lifting the man by his neck and slamming him into the wall, creating a giant man-shaped hole in the process. Song Lan, also expressionless, seized Wen Ning’s wrist and flipped him over, crashing him into the ground. Loud, incessant bangs and booms accompanied the battle between the two stone-faced fierce corpses. Neither side could feel pain, nor were they afraid of injuries. Unless they were cut to pieces, they could keep fighting no matter how many limbs they broke.

“There doesn’t seem to be a need for me here either,” Wei Wuxian mumbled to himself.

If the fandom is so desperate for a guy with a hero complex, they don't even need to worry. We already do! In fact, mxtx was so generous, she literally gave us two!

Wei Wuxian was observing the terrain as he fled around, setting off flames. Suddenly, a sharp pain stabbed through his arm. He looked down to see he had been shot by an arrow.

As it turned out, the Lan sect disciple whom Lan Wangji had glared at earlier had found a bow and arrow abandoned by the Wens and tried to shoot at the yao beast. Perhaps because of the beast’s fearsome savagery and agility, the boy’s hands were panicked and unsteady, and the shot had flown astray and pierced Wei Wuxian instead.

Wei Wuxian had no time to pull it out. He struck the ground again, calling forth another surge of flames.

“Back off! Don’t make more work for me!”

The sect disciple had wanted to fell the yao beast with a single shot to its vital spot, in hopes of regaining some of the face he’d lost earlier. Who could’ve thought it would turn out like this? His face flushed progressively paler as he fled into the water.

Let's not forget this scene:

Before walking away, Wei Wuxian repeatedly exhorted him to sit still and not to move. At least they weren’t too short of money—he had a habit of hiding small change in various corners of his clothes, which came in handy now. He walked around and bought food and dry rations to prepare for the long journey ahead. It took him less than an incense time to grab everything, after which he immediately returned to the spot where they’d separated.

But Jiang Cheng was gone.

...

Jiang Cheng struck a palm at him. The strike was so weak and feeble that Wei Wuxian did not even sway.

“Hit me all you want. As long as it makes you feel better.”

“Did you feel it?” Jiang Cheng asked.

Wei Wuxian was momentarily taken aback. “What? Feel what?”

“My spiritual power. Did you feel it?” Jiang Cheng pressed him.

“What spiritual power?” Wei Wuxian asked. “You didn’t use spiritual power at all.”

“I did.”

“What exactly… What did you say?”

Jiang Cheng repeated himself word for word. “I said, I used it. I used all my spiritual power and then some for that strike. So I’m asking you—did you feel it?”

Wei Wuxian stared at him, falling quiet. After a moment, he said, “Try hitting me again.”

“Forget it,” Jiang Cheng told him. “No matter how many times I hit you, the result will be the same. Wei Wuxian, do you know why Core-Melting Hand is called that?”

Wei Wuxian’s heart sank.

“Because his hands can dissolve golden cores and render the victims unable to form new ones,” Jiang Cheng continued. “Their spiritual power will dissipate, reducing them to nothing more than ordinary humans. And an ordinary human in a cultivation clan is good for nothing. They can only live out the rest of their common lives, abandoning all dreams of ever ascending higher.

“Wen Zhuliu dissolved Mom and Father’s golden cores. Once they lost the ability to fight back, he killed them.”

Wei Wuxian’s mind was in turmoil. At a loss as to what to do, he murmured, “…Core-Melting Hand… Core-Melting Hand…”

Jiang Cheng laughed grimly. “Wen Zhuliu, Wen Zhuliu. I want to seek revenge. I have to. But how can I? I don’t even have a golden core anymore, and I’ll never be able to form a new one again. So how am I going to take revenge? Ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…”

Wei Wuxian’s legs gave out from under him. He stared at Jiang Cheng, who seemed to have gone insane. Words failed him.

No one knew better than him just how competitive Jiang Cheng was. How much he valued his own cultivation and spiritual power. And with a single strike, Core-Melting Hand had shattered his cultivation, self-esteem, and hope for revenge to smithereens!

Jiang Cheng howled with laughter like a madman. He lay back down on the bed with his arms spread open and abandoned himself to despair. “Wei Wuxian, why did you save me? What’s the point of saving me? To let me live on uselessly while I watch the Wen dogs run rampant?”

...

Though awake, he remained motionless, not even flipping over and asking where they were. He wouldn’t eat or drink. It was as if he was interested only in dying.

“Do you really want to die?” Wei Wuxian asked.

“I can’t get revenge even if I live, so I might as well die. Who knows, maybe I can even turn into a malicious ghost,” Jiang Cheng said.

“You’ve gone through Soul-Tranquilization Rites since you were a kid. Even if you die, you won’t turn into a malicious ghost,” Wei Wuxian commented.

“Since I can’t seek revenge dead or alive, what difference does it make if I live or die?”

After that, Jiang Cheng didn’t speak again.

...

Jiang Cheng’s mind and face were both racked with confusion. “Then why was I able to pull it out?”

“Because the sword recognizes you as Wei-gongzi,” Wen Ning answered.

Lan Wangji stood up, lifting an unconscious Wei Wuxian on his back.

“What do you mean, it recognizes me as Wei Wuxian?” Jiang Cheng snapped. “How?! Why me?!”

“Because the golden core presently channeling spiritual power in your body is his!” Wen Ning snapped back, even harsher.

...

“Your golden core was never restored,” Wen Ning said. “It was completely dissolved by Wen Zhuliu! The reason you thought it was restored was because my jiejie, Wen Qing—the best doctor of the Wen Clan of Qishan—cut Wei-gongzi’s golden core from his body and used it to replace yours!”

Jiang Cheng’s face went blank for a second. “Replaced mine with his?”

“That’s right!” Wen Ning said. “Why do you think he never used Suibian again, and never carried his sword with him when he went out? Was it really because of some youthful indiscretion? Did he really enjoy it when others spoke ill of him behind his back or to his face, saying he was rude and had a poor upbringing? It was because bringing it along would be pointless! You see…if he brought his sword along when he was invited to those banquets and Night Hunts, there would inevitably be someone wanting to duel or spar with him for whatever reason. Without his golden core, he had no spiritual power. If he drew his sword, he wouldn’t last long at all…”

Jiang Cheng stood dumbly rooted to the spot. He looked queasy, and his lips quivered. He even forgot to use Zidian as he suddenly dropped Suibian to the ground and struck Wen Ning on the chest with his hand.

“You’re lying!” he bellowed.Wen Ning was forced a couple steps back from the blow. He picked up Suibian from the ground, sheathed it, and pushed it against Jiang Cheng’s chest.

“Take it!”

Jiang Cheng unconsciously took the sword. He didn’t move but looked at a loss as his gaze turned toward Wei Wuxian. He would have been fine if he hadn’t looked. But when he did, Wei Wuxian’s despondent expression and ghastly pale face—with blood still gathered at the corners of his mouth—was like a hammer smashing his heart. Moreover, Lan Wangji’s gaze chilled him so keenly he felt like he had plunged into a frozen cavern.

“Take that sword and go to the banquet hall, the drilling grounds, anywhere,” Wen Ning said. “Order everyone you come across to pull it from its sheath and see if anyone can! Then you’ll see if I’m lying! Sect Leader Jiang, you…you are such a competitive person. All your life, you have been competing with and comparing yourself to others. But know this—you could never have compared to him!”

...

Out of the blue, Lan Wangji asked, “Is it painful?”

“What?” Wen Ning said.

“Extracting one’s core. Is it painful?”

“Lan-gongzi. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you no, would you?”

“I assumed Wen Qing would have found a way.”

“Before going up the mountain, my jiejie prepared many anesthetics in hopes of alleviating the pain of extracting his core. But later, she realized such medication would be completely useless. If the subject is in a numbed state when the golden core is extracted from the body, it affects the core’s stability. It becomes harder to prevent it from dissipating.”

“…Therefore?” Lan Wangji probed.

Wen Ning pausing in his rowing. “Therefore, the subject of the golden core extraction procedure has to be completely conscious for its full duration.”

He had to be conscious as he watched his golden core be cut from his meridians and extracted from his body. He had to feel his surging spiritual energy gradually subsiding, calming, turning ordinary—until it became a pool of stagnant water that could no longer make waves.

It was a long time before Lan Wangji found his voice again. It was a little raspy, and the words he spoke seemed to tremble. “Its full duration?”

“For one day and two nights,” Wen Ning said. “He remained conscious throughout.”

“At the time, how confident were you of success?”

“About fifty percent.”

“Fifty percent.” Lan Wangji soundlessly drew a deep breath and shook his head. He repeated, “…Fifty percent.”

His hand tightened its hold on Wei Wuxian’s waist, gripping so hard his knuckles turned white.

“After all, no one had ever conducted any sort of core-swapping procedure before,” Wen Ning said. “My jiejie had written essays on the subject, but they were only theoretical. No one would ever let her experiment on them, so the theories remained untested. The sect’s seniors said she was indulging in flights of fancy, that the idea was completely impractical. They knew no one would ever be willing to extract their golden core and give it to someone else—because if they did, they would be fundamentally crippled. They would never reach the pinnacle of their ability but would remain mediocre the rest of their life.

“So when Wei-gongzi returned to seek us out, my jiejie was reluctant to even attempt the procedure, at first. She warned him that writing an essay was one thing, but actually doing it was quite another. She wasn’t even confident she’d have a fifty percent chance of success.

“But Wei-gongzi kept pestering her. He said fifty percent was fine; the chances of success and failure were equal. Even if it didn’t work out and his core was wasted, he wasn’t worried about his future—but that wasn’t the case for Sect Leader Jiang. He was too competitive, too focused on what he stood to gain and lose in this aspect, since cultivation was his life. And if Sect Leader Jiang could only ever be an ordinary, mediocre person, his life would be over.”

Definition of hero complex:

A hero complex, also known as a saviour complex or hero syndrome, is a psychological phenomenon where a person seeks recognition for being a hero. Hero complexes can be detrimental to the lives of others and put innocent people at risk.

A person with a hero complex may:

- Create situations where they can be the hero and resolve them

- Take responsibility for problems that aren't theirs to solve

- Offer unsolicited advice

- Overstep boundaries

- Strive to be the ones to save the day, no matter the odds or situation

In the examples above, we can clearly see that Wei Wuxian knows his own limits. If there is something he can do to help, he will help. HOWEVER! He will not help if he knows that it isn't within his own capabilities because there's a chance that, if he fails, he might ruin the situation further and make things worse than it is! And I know people will be using this as a refute, so I will also say it here. Wei Wuxian will not make risky decisions UNLESS THERE IS NO OTHER CHOICE! None of the novel's textual evidence mentions any kind of instances in which he acts "recklessly" with his own life in a situation where any other action other than risking his life would have achieved the same or better results. If there are safer options, he will not make such decisions.

This is the direct opposite of Su She and Jiang Cheng. Su She was clearly trying to save face by killing the Xuanwu of Slaughter, "playing the hero," but he failed, either due to lack of skill or just not in the right headspace, and made things worse.

In Jiang Cheng’s case, I honestly don't know why he distracted the guards. Did he do it out of love, or was he just trying to "play the hero?" I say this because the novel didn't even say that the guards spotted Wei Wuxian. It just says they were patrolling around the area. If he did it out of care for Wei Wuxian, why didn't he take responsibility? If he really did try to save Wei Wuxian from the guards, why was Jiang Cheng not willing to live with the consequences? Did he not expect to be captured by them? He overestimated himself if that's the case. And he made things worse for Wei Wuxian because after that stunt of his, he just wanted to die. Not only that, he literally made his own sacrifice into Wei Wuxian's problem. And how could Wei Wuxian, who had just promised Jiang Cheng's parents to take care of him, let him die like this? So Wei Wuxian was forced to give up his core to give Jiang Cheng a reason to live. (Honestly, Jiang Cheng could still live as a normal person. He could still lead the clan as a normal person since a clan follows bloodline. Doesn't matter if he is competent or not, core or no. We literally have Jin Guangshan leading the Jins for goodness sake, does that man even know how to fight? Jiang Cheng just can't stand being an average dude, which is so ironic because in Wei Wuxian's second life, he literally became an average dude, even with a core. Man couldn't even defeat Jin Guangyao.)

[clovercrafted]

⚔️ the royal Duskwood armoury ⚔️

More of a museum than a functional armoury that cost a decent amount of diamonds, a set of netherite armor and a whole to of time to actually find the trims. I feel this is the most effort I’ll ever put into an interior. I hope you like this build, it might be more simplistic than some of the other Duskwood builds but it ranks pretty high in terms of favourites for me!

Tag list ☘️ : @gronglegrowth @notafrogblog @xxfallen-hopexx @wjbminecraft @evilest-opossum @priskeys @vampiiric @imflyingfish @adairctedgibbgirl

[traveler-at-heart]

You're ok

Summary: As you recover from a life threatening mission, Natasha struggles to be vulnerable.

Natasha Romanoff x F!R

Edit: The last part is a scene from The Diplomat's season 2. Highly recommend the show, as it also has our lovely Ali Ahn ( AKA Alice Wu)

Death is part of the job. You had always been prepared for it.

Failure and a slow recovery were things that you were less inclined to accept.

It was hard to deal with the fact you had been ambushed, and almost killed by a bomb in what was supposed to be an easy mission.

Two weeks after being confined to the sterile hospital walls you’re back at the Compound. Bucky offered to help, carrying your things and lending his arm as support.

You certainly didn’t expect the rest of the Avengers on the foyer, excited to greet you.

“Don’t make a fuss” you say, letting them hug you. Wanda rolls her eyes, taking your bag.

“It’s a miracle you’re alive. We’re gonna make a fuss”

“Just for today, let us make a big deal out of this” Steve says.

You had seen all of your teammates when they visited at the hospital, with one notable exception.

Said exception walks through the door, the hint of a smile on her beautiful face as your eyes meet green ones.

“Welcome back” Natasha says, her tone gentle.

“Thank you”

“Romanoff might like you, she almost smiled” Tony says, but you don’t pay him attention.

“That’s just because I thought you weren’t here” Natasha walks past him, squeezing your good arm as a silent goodbye. How you wish you could follow after her, ask why she didn’t even stop by once, but she’s hurrying out the room in record time, as if she can sense your intentions.

Truthfully, you won’t act on them. Natasha doesn’t owe you anything, not even a get well card.

“Let’s get you settled in your new room” Tony becons, and you frown.

“New room? What happened to the old one?”

“This one has some improvements. You’re gonna love it”

It’s evident he still feels guilty over what happened, though it was definitely not his fault that you almost got killed.

The new room has a mini fridge, a giant tv, a king size bed, and a small couch. It also has a huge bathtub, as well as an incredible view of the forest behind the Compound.

“Do you like it?”

“It’s… I’m perfectly fine going back to my old room”

“Can I have it if she doesn’t want it?” Sam intervenes, looking around the space.

“Come on, you’re gonna be using crutches for a while. You need a bigger space. And entertainment”

“It’s true” Steve says. “Of course we all want to be optimistic but…”

The doctors had said it would take at least six weeks to get you walking without aid. And then, you’d have to train and get back in shape. You are looking at two or three months of recovery.

It’s not that you dislike the bigger space or amenities. It’s the fact that Natasha was closer to you in the other room, and so you’d meet her most mornings as you’d step out to hit the gym or make breakfast.

Now, not only is she emotionally distant, she’s also physically away. And you don’t know which is worse.

“I’ll give it a try” you promise, though you know nothing will be better than your old room.

—

There are unexpected challenges that come with your injuries. Like cooking breakfast. Wanda is more than happy to help most days, but she’s been out for a mission the past week. You could have stuck to cereal, except Steve is always around by the time you wake up, and he insists on making your breakfast.

It’s a nice gesture, though the food is horrible.

You’ve spent the better part of your morning  playing with your eggs, considering eating cereal again, when someone places a cup of coffee and a paper bag next to you.

“I don’t know who told Steve he could cook” Natasha says with a smile.

“He means well” you answer, and wait for her to nod towards the bag to inspect its contents. Grilled cheese and a scone. Your mouth waters at the smell.

“You’re amazing, Natasha, honestly” you say between bites, moaning at the taste. “I can’t remember the last time I ate something this good. Except Wanda’s food, of course”

“Enjoy” she says, taking away the plate with eggs for you.

You were hoping to have her company while you eat, but maybe that’s too much to hope for.

—

At last, there’s something you can do. While everyone is busy with missions, you focus on reports and intelligence, which is perfect, because all you have to do is sit and read.

There are still deadlines and though no one wants to put pressure on you, you make sure nothing is delayed. As you keep reading in one of the conference rooms, the door is pushed open and you look up, alarmed at the sudden intrusion.

“Yes?” you say, pushing your glasses up, staring at Natasha. She turns around, struggling to speak.

“Y-you should be resting”

“I’m doing Bucky’s reports. You know how he is, he can’t type anything in the computer”

“It’s close to midnight. Have you even had dinner yet? I’m sure he won’t mind if you do them later”

“Nat. It’s fine, honestly” you say, smiling at her awkwardness. “I like to feel useful”

She nods, looking around the room, as if weighting her options. Moving away from the door, she walks and sits next to you, checking out some of the paperwork you’re reviewing

“Someone should have really taught James how to type” she mutters when she gets to the part where Bucky wrote target pulled out a cock instead of Glock.

You snort out a laugh, because it’s the dumbest fucking thing in the world.

“Ten bucks if you leave it like that” she insists and you shake your head.

“I considered it but then Tony wouldn’t know when to stop the teasing”

“Fair” she tilts her head, still smiling at you.

It’s obvious now that Natasha’s staying to make sure you go back to rest soon. So you enjoy the silence that comes with her presence, thinking this might be a step in the right direction.

But then, you stretch your arms above your head, forgetting about the stitches in your side until you feel a pull.

“Fuck” you bend over in pain, and Natasha is by your side in an instant. “It’s ok. I just stretched too hard. Forgot I still have a hole on my side”

Natasha’s hands hold on to the edge of the table, as if she’s struggling between storming out and staying.

“You should get some rest now” she manages to say, eyes not meeting your own.

“I’m fine”

Natasha gets ready to argue, but then reconsiders and just nods.

“I’ll leave you to it. Goodnight”

The redhead leaves the room in a hurry, and you wonder what could have possibly made her so upset.

For the next few days, you don’t see Natasha at all, and a part of you is certain she’s avoiding you.

As you lay in bed, watching a movie with Wanda, you keep going back to your interaction. Did you say something offensive? Was she simply too repulsed by weakness and didn’t know how to deal with it?

Is she avoiding me? Am I overthinking?

“She is and you are” Wanda says, her eyes never leaving the screen.

“But why… now wait a minute” you click your tongue, looking at your friend.

“I didn’t mean to, your thoughts are so loud. And so are Natasha’s. When you came back she was having a screaming match inside her head”

“What do you mean? What was she thinking?”

“No, that’s where I draw the line. If you want to know, ask her”

“If I ever see her again, sure” you mutter, though you know you lack the confidence to confront Natasha. Even if you had the chance, what’s there to say? "Hey, why are you making sure we only see each other when strictly necessary?"

She doesn’t like you, that’s the only explanation. Natasha is just being polite to keep appearances and the screaming inside her head was probably her thinking how much she wished you were still at the hospital.

Wanda snorts next to you, making you glare.

“Outta my head”

“Hey, I’m trying to watch the movie. You’re the one that needs to keep it quiet up there”

A few days later and you still have no idea how to approach Natasha. Mind you, she’s only been around the kitchen to get coffee once or twice, spending the rest of her time in missions or at the gym across the Compound.

The only time you’re not thinking about her is when the physical pain is distracting you. Like now, while changing your bandages. The doctors told you to get someone to help, but you already get help with food, laundry, even changing your god damn sheets. You’ll be damned if you ask for help with this.

“Fuckfuckfuck” you clearly did something wrong because the dressing is stuck around the edges. You pull again, but the pain is too much, so you plop down in bed. There’s a knock at the door, and you groan, which will hopefully make whoever’s on the other side go away.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” Natasha says, rushing to your side.

“Can’t change my bandages” you say, not caring if your incompetence upsets her.

“Can I look?”

You nod, sitting up so she can see for herself the mess you’re in. Her hands are surprisingly soft and tender, and you’re almost dozing off while Natasha works silently.

Except when there’s a tug and you jump back.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’ll be just one painful pull, ok?” the woman says, one of her hands going to your cheek. Your eyes meet and the way she’s looking at you almost makes the pain go away.

“Ok” you nod. Natasha takes it off in a swift movement, and all you can do is take a sharp breath as your skin stings. “Fuck me” you say through gritted teeth.

“I don’t think you’d enjoy it that much with the state you’re in” she jokes, which makes you smile.

“You know what I mean”

“Just teasing”

“You’re certainly good”

Natasha keeps working in silence, and you worry you may have crossed a line. When she’s done, she picks up the trash and goes to throw it away.

“Ask for help next time”

“I need help for everything. I wanted to at least do something on my own without being a burden”

“You’re not a burden” she says, her back to you as she washes her hands on the sink.

Something comes over you, and when Natasha walks by your side to exit the room, your hand shoots up to hold her wrist.

“Y/N?”

“I… I missed you. I know we’re colleagues and all I do is share whatever meal I’m having, or train with you from time to time. I know I can’t really do any of those things right now. I’m inconsequential, I know, to your life and to whatever you do. But I do miss you, Natasha. And I wish I didn’t care so much”

It feels like her skin is burning under your fingers, so you let go, ashamed at your little outburst. You’re expecting her to leave without another word but instead, she kneels to meet your eyes.

“You’re the opposite of inconsequential. But I don’t know how to care without being vulnerable”

“I don’t think that’s possible. Caring is vulnerability” you say softly. “But it’s also a strenght. It means you’re not alone”

Natasha smiles, a genuine smile for the first time in weeks. She’s about to say something else when FRIDAY calls for her at the conference room.

At this hour, it only means one thing. She stands up, looking apologetic.

“Be careful” is all you can say as she leaves the room.

—

A party is the last thing you’re in the mood for. Not only are you still wearing a cane (an improvement from the crutches) but Natasha has been gone for several days to complete a mission only a handful of people know about.

It makes you anxious, to think she might be in danger, though she is the most capable agent in the entire world.

“So glad you made it” Tony says when you finally show up. It took some convincing on Wanda’s part, but you agreed once you found an outfit that didn’t require you to wear heels.

The Avengers are at their own couch, talking and laughing. Bucky has apointed himself as your personal waiter, bringing snacks and drinks.

“Any word on Nat?” Stark asks, which distracts you from the conversation with Sam.

“Said she was still stuck at the debriefing” Steve shrugs his shoulders. It’s no surprise, if she can avoid these parties, Natasha will.

At least she’s home and safe. That brings you some peace of mind, and you’re able to enjoy the rest of the party.

Tony announces the fireworks are about to start, and you relunctantly stand next to the huge crowd assembled at the front yard of the Compound.

The first burts of color is followed by a couple of cheers.

But it’s different for you.

The booming sound, the lights, it all sets you on edge.

You’ve been around explosions before, and this had never happened. Frozen in place, you try to close your eyes and control your breathing as the noises increase your anxiety.

How you wish you could run back to your room right now, but it’s nearly impossible to walk between everyone.

“It’s ok” a voice says, and there’s the warmth of another body next to yours. “You’re ok”

“Nat” you sigh with relief, closing your eyes. Another firework explodes and you jump.

“Look at me” she says, her hand going up and down your back in a soothing motion. You nod, turning your body so she can wrap both arms around your waist. “Breathe with me”

You follow her lead, in and out, until your heartbeat is steady again.

“You’re ok” she says, this time more of a reminder to herself. “And I’m here”

“Thank you” you lean your forehead against hers, letting her decide if she wants to take that final step. Natasha smiles, a hand cupping your cheek as her lips meet yours in a tender kiss.

“I missed you too” she says when you break apart.

“I’m not going anywhere”

[sea-lanterns]

WETTER 'N BETTER

synopsis: hydro women fu.c.king you inconspicuously at the pool with their vision

featuring: yelan, kokomi, mona, nilou, candace, furina

rating: 18+ smut (men and minors dni)

warnings: sub! afab gn reader, semi-public se.x (no one sees but you're at a pool), improper use of hydro vision, strap ons, tentacle play (kokomi), cunnilingus, creative uses for hydro, dirty talk, toys made out of hydro, riding, lap se.x, slight asphyxiation but not really (nilou), may be ooc especially for furina because she was added on a whim.

art credits: what does the fox say

YELAN

Yelan smirked to herself as you stared wide eyed at the water formed dildo she procured from the base of her hips, her hand stroking long, languid strokes from the shaft to the tip, as she watched you tremble above the water’s surface. “Don’t be shy, babe. No one’s gonna know…” she chuckled, her vision vibrating with use as her cock moved with tension. “It’s made completely out of water, it’ll slip right in.”

You gulped and looked around nervously, the late hours of the night meaning that only you two were at the pool, yet something inside you felt that you might get caught. 

“Yelan…I don’t know.” you bit your lip and felt the water stir as Yelan got in. “We might get caught…”

She laughed at your meek words and gently pushed you back until your skin hit the surface of the wall. “But that’s the fun part, baby.” She suddenly hoisted you up with her strength and kept your legs wrapped firmly around her. The tip of her watery cock pressing up against your folds as you whimper and cling to her neck. “It’s okay, no one’s gonna see what I’m doing to you underwater…”

Making sure the two of you were obscured by the giant rock behind you, she groaned and sunk her shaft inside you as the water slipped right inside. The flexible liquid able to hold its shape as it maneuvered in a way that filled your cunt to the brim, leaving every crevice of you fucked and filled till your eyes rolled back and saw white. 

“Nngh! Yelan…fuck—” you grit your teeth as you realize Yelan was filling you to the brim, her cock perfectly shaped to mimic the biggest toy you had, as she slowly rocked her hips back and forth. 

“Feel familiar, my dear?” Yelan purred, pounding her length deeper into you as you felt every molded ridge and curve rub inside. “I didn’t have enough room to pack your favorite strap, but I hope this would suffice…”

She laughs into your neck and slams her hips harder against you, reveling in the way the waves shook from her movements as you cling onto her with need. Nails gripping the skin of your rear while Yelan pounded you just the way she would with a regular strap.

KOKOMI

You shuddered as you felt slippery, cold, tentacles climb up your leg in the water. Kokomi giving you a mischievous smile as the water-made tentacles slithered up to your swimming bottoms and tugged at the elastic. “Kokomi…” you warned, giving her a testing glare. “We’re at a pool.”

“No one will see,” she hummed quietly, perching herself over the edge as she commanded the tentacles to climb higher. Vision glowing by her side as she smiled and watched with anticipation for your reactions, the depth of the pool thankfully covering your body as she playfully teased your pussy lips with a tendril. 

“Ah…wait…” you gripped the edge of the pool and resisted the urge to tremble in front of your priestess, a pleasurable shiver riveting through your skin as you felt one of the tips prod at your entrance. 

“Don’t worry, my love. It’ll practically sink in.” Kokomi giggles as you shiver at the sensation of her tentacles. One of which was currently circling your clit, rubbing and stroking it as if it were just another one of Kokomi’s fingers. “Just think of it as me fingering you…”

Oh how mean Kokomi could be. Toying with your body like this while in a public setting. You were lucky not many people were out swimming, but the thought of being caught in your secluded corner with Kokomi fucking you was too nerve racking for you to enjoy. 

“Just relax, let me take care of you for once.”

At her gentle tone, your body instinctively listened and relaxed in her hold. The watery tentacles sliding directly into your pussy and wrapping around your waist in the process. “Oh, there’s almost no resistance,” Kokomi giggles, a tentacle worming its way into your deepest spots and rubbing so pleasurably inside you. “Guess we’ll be doing this more often…”

With a bashful giggle, Kokomi commands the tentacles to begin thrusting inside you feverishly, one giant tentacle holding you still as your hips rock the waves to the rhythm of her thrusts. 

MONA

“By the stars, they didn’t show me this…”

Mona had dragged you under an artificial waterfall and hidden you away to fuck you in secrecy. She had used her astrology to predict whether or not the pool would be crowded tonight, and her vision had been proven wrong given by how many people were out swimming at this hour. “Ugh, how annoying…” she pushed you up behind the dark cavern and hoped no one would swim behind to see what you were about to do. “We’ll have to go fast.”

Tilting your head back, your girlfriend kissed you before activating her vision to morph a small body of water into a flexible shape. When the water broke the surface tension, Mona crafted it into a small, handheld dildo and giggled at your surprised face. “What? You act like I’ve never done this before,” she laughed and held the makeshift cock in her hand. “I can do a lot more with my vision, you know.”

She grinned at how hot your face was before tugging off your bottoms. “Come on, don’t worry about it not fitting, I can adjust the size however you like…”

In a matter of moments, Mona was holding your swimming bottoms in one hand and the makeshift dildo in the other, moving it downwards to stir the tip against your folds, and teasing it while she prepped you for the intrusion. “I know what you like, my love. It’ll fit right in like the other toys.”

As she eased you with her words, Mona slowly sank the cock into your cunt and sighed in bliss when she felt you part so easily. The astrologist kissing you gently before moving her hand so that the cock could hit you in deeper areas. 

“My my my, my little star. You’re taking it better than when we use a regular toy…” Mona tsked and moved in to kiss your jaw. “And all the little moans you’re making, simply adorable…”

Her voice turned mockingly playful as she moved her hand to speed up the thrusts of the dildo. Shallow waves rocking you two back and forth, while carnal whimpers and moans ripped out from beneath your lips.

“How naughty of you, my little star,” Mona giggles, using her vision to morph ridges on the cock to further stimulate your walls, “We’re not done yet though, water can take on all shapes and sizes…”

NILOU

Above the water, you would appear like any other person chilling by the pool. Below the water however, people would see your girlfriend Nilou on her knees and between your legs with your swimsuit tugged downwards. An air bubble she had created being her only source of air, as she ate you out with lust and passion beneath the waves.

“Mmpf…Nilou…” you tried your best to act casual in front of anyone that passed you by, but Nilou was making it so hard as she pierced her tongue into your folds and lapped at your secreting juices like she was dehydrated. “Not too much, hah…” 

You gently grabbed at her hair from below and gave her a tiny tug. Your girlfriend smiled to herself at your little reaction and just dove her tongue even deeper than before. Who knew Nilou could be such a tease when she wanted to?

Gripping your thighs with her fingertips, Nilou spread you a bit more for her as she eagerly lapped more of your cunt, pushing her face and the air bubble closer to your clit so that her nose could bump against it sensually. Your thighs shook at the sudden touch and you almost lost it above the surface if not for Nilou stabilizing you. “Ah…fuck…”

Nilou wasn’t messing around.

Trying to get yourself off faster, you began grinding your hips against Nilou’s face and took notice at how she gripped your thighs tighter, her gentle tongue now cruising faster between your walls while you forced yourself to maintain sanity. ‘They’re writhing, they’re actually writhing…!’ Nilou thought to herself as she smiled into your cunt. ‘I’m doing such a good job!’

Thrusting her tongue wildly, Nilou moaned into your skin and nearly lost focus of her air bubble. Quickly regaining composure and activating her vision once more to give her another dose of air to keep going.

‘They’re twitching…they’re so close…’

Nilou moaned and felt a warmth engulf her face when you came all over her lips. The dancer swimming back to the surface for a breath of fresh air, before kissing you with exasperated breaths.

“Oh, my love, that was amazing…” she murmured, letting you taste your sweet release on her tongue. “We should do this again, but in a more private setting next time…” 

CANDACE

In the blanket of the night, you and Candace took a dip in the hot tub at the resort you were staying at and were pleasantly surprised to find that it had been empty. Deciding not to waste another moment of this pleasant alone time with your girlfriend, you both threw off your towels and took a dip, sighing blissfully at the heat that absorbed your bodies. 

It’s been a while since Candace had been so relaxed, and the moment her muscles unlocked, she smiled and waved a finger for you to come closer. “Come, dear. Sit on my lap. We haven’t done that in a while.”

You smiled and crawled over to perch yourself just how Candace liked. A playful, slightly sultry smile growing on her lips as she gently raises your hips up over the water. “Up up up, don’t worry, you’ve been in this position before….”

Your cheeks grew warm at her words and you laughed nervously when she lifted you up. “Erm, we don’t have a strap though, babe.” You chuckled, your ass now raised above the water as Candace’s vision glowed. “I know, but it’s good to be creative once in a while.” She smirked and in an instant, a water formed strap had morphed against her pelvis. The tip prodding at your entrance like it was too eager to wait, while Candace looked up at you expectantly with smugness. 

Sure enough, you were amazed. And aroused.

“I see,” you chuckle, slowly rubbing the tip between your walls to begin easing down the liquid shaft. “You’re very creative, my dear guardian.” 

“A true leader needs to be,” Candace hums, helping you slide down her length before you were firmly seated back on her lap. “Now go on, ride me. But don’t make it too obvious, otherwise we’ll get caught.”

She pats your rear lovingly and sits back to look at you while you begin rocking your hips back and forth, sighing blissfully when the watery strap slid flexibly through your walls and brushed against all your favorite areas. “Oh fuck…right there, Candace…”

You leaned over to kiss your beloved while bouncing on her for more. Making out with her in the dimness of the night, while the hot tub’s water successfully concealed just how rough Candace was fucking you.

FURINA

Furina was a tease. An incredibly childish, almost gremlin-like tease who wanted nothing more than to watch you squirm. She sat idly on a lawn chair by the poolside with an innocent smirk plastered on her lips, kicking her legs back as she sipped a virgin pina colada whilst shamelessly controlling the hydro vibrator she stuffed up your swimsuit. Heterochromia eyes staring tauntingly at the way you gripped the water’s edge. 

“What’s the matter?” Furina snickers, stirring the straw of her drink, “Is the water too cold for you, my love? Shall I bring you warmth so you shan’t shiver?” 

When only a strangled moan crawled out your throat, Furina grinned and waved her hand to force the vibrator to squirm faster. The ridges of the morphed hydro toy causing you to buckle over and bury your moan into your lips. ‘Furina…!’ you wanted to scream, the wriggling toy of firm water just too good for you to tolerate. ‘Slow it down…!’

Alas, Furina was not a mind reader and she took your body’s reactions as a sign to go faster, enjoying her little exhibition game with you. “Careful now, dove. You’re making quite the waves with your little trembling…”

She laughed haughtily at your irritated glare and crossed her legs over to make it look like she was your ruler. Even though she was. With one final sip of her drink, she made a mocking “aaah” sound of refreshment before snapping her fingers. “I’m getting bored now, dove. Perhaps it’s time to skip to the main event.”

Her eyes glimmered with mischievous amusement and you felt your stomach flip with anticipation. Here it comes…! Your girlfriend then makes the vibrator squirm deeper inside you and writhe so pleasantly against your spongy walls. The makeshift toy working wonders on that little bundle of nerves as it wormed its way in in a way that had you seeing stars. 

“Oh, Furina…” you whimpered out your liege’s name in passion, the watery vibrator buzzing harder into your sweetest places. “I’m almost…”

Fuck. There was that shit-eating grin again as Furina smiled sadistically and ceased the vibrator’s movements, letting it turn back into water and slide out of your puffy cunt. 

“F-Furina–!”

“Hush now, pet.” Furina snickered, crawling over to the water’s edge and mockingly patting your head. “I want to spend several more hours at the pool so you need to entertain me for a lot longer…”

[fickleminder]

50 Ways to Die in the Devildom

To prevent another war, one of the cardinal requirements of the exchange program was for the exchange students to be alive at the end of it. No one said anything about what happens in-between.

Content warnings: violence, blood, gore, lots of death. Halloween 2024 fic 👻

Diavolo nearly spat out his tea laughing. "In the freezer? Lucifer, you sly demon!"

"It got the job done, didn't it?" Lucifer took a sip from his own cup with a satisfied hum. "The human has a pact with one of us now, and there's nobody else I trust more than Mammon."

"Indeed. The responsibility will do him good, on top of securing our contingency plan if things go awry. Excellent work!"

"Thank you, Lord Diavolo."

.

.

.

"Well, that was fast."

"The human didn't even last one month—"

"All of you, shut up." Lucifer knelt next to your body on the floor of the student council room. "Mammon, use the pact to keep track of their soul. Beel, stop licking blood off the tiles and help Asmo with the cleanup. Levi, going for the jugular was quick but messy; you're on cleanup as well. Satan, prepare the materials for the resurrection spell."

"Seriously, all this over a stupid quiz…" Mammon grumbled.

Finally coming back to his senses, Levi spat out the chunk of your neck still in his mouth and started to scream.

.

.

.

Beel took one look at his half-eaten custard before transforming with a roar and stomping towards the culprits.

"N-Now wait a second, Beel! Lemme explain!" Mammon quickly put himself between you and his rampaging brother. He didn't want to have to participate in that dumb ritual again; calling souls back to their bodies was too much effort. "There's a good reason for—"

"You... ate... My... CUSTARD...!" Beel's fists smashed into the kitchen counter, the cupboards, the walls, and anything else he could get his hands on, while Mammon kept you behind him and dodged the blows. Any physical contact with Beel was sure to obliterate you in a heartbeat, and not even Satan would be able to put you back together if that happened.

With his attention focused on Beel, Mammon failed to notice when a chunk of concrete came flying in your direction, clobbering you squarely on the side of your head with a wet CRUNCH.

You hit the floor like a sack of rocks, and both demons froze at the sight of all the innards spilling out of your caved-in skull.

"Not again!" Mammon wailed loudly.

.

.

.

"I don't want to hear it."

Despite the very real threat to his life, Mammon still felt the need to rub it in Lucifer's face. "Hey, I'm just sayin', ya can't pin this one on me this time!"

"At least Luke didn't see anything. I hope." Beel frowned at the little angel's unconscious form in his arms, with the grimoire still clutched tightly in a death grip. The poor kid had fainted when Lucifer unleashed his power and... Well.

To prevent another war, one of the cardinal requirements of the exchange program was for the exchange students to be alive at the end of it.

No one said anything about what happens in-between.

You had literally dropped dead after Lucifer shifted into a higher demon form to intimidate you into getting out of his way. He never intended to use force against you to begin with, but had also completely forgotten that some things were just not meant for mortal eyes. Your eyeballs were burnt to a crisp, leaving behind charred, bloody sockets in your face.

Lucifer rubbed his temples with a sigh. "Mammon, take my card and go buy a new pair of human eyes. Make sure to get them in the right color."

"Ugh, fine, but you're getting Levi to call their soul back!"

.

.

.

Henry 1.0 purred loudly and coiled up to take a nap after his snack.

"Asmo, quit messing around and do something!"

"Shut up, Mammon! Or do you want to get eaten as well?"

"Mmm grilled snake..."

"For the last time, we're not eating Henry 1.0!"

The human-shaped lump in the giant snake's belly was unmoving.

"You realize that if they die, you ain't gonna get this kind of power anymore, right?"

Asmo froze, the drunk smile on his face faltering. Mammon had a point; Solomon had only lent you a tiny fraction of his magic, and yet you were able to draw out so much power in him! It was undeniable, you were one human he definitely had to hold on to.

"I think it's starting to digest—"

"Bad Henry! You spit them out right now or—"

Sighing, Asmo batted his eyelashes at the giant snake and began working his charm.

.

.

.

"I can explain—"

"Let me guess. You tried to make a pact with the human in another pointless bid to get under my skin. They refused, and so you chopped them up. Not exactly helping your chances here, are you."

"Tch. I can put them back together—"

"You'll have to convince one of your brothers to call their soul back, since you obviously can't do it yourself—"

"Don't you think I know that already?!"

"Stop throwing books at me! You should know better than to lose control of your wrath—"

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP—"

"Wait, that book is—!"

*THUNK*

"…"

"…"

"F—"

.

.

.

Belphegor knew you and his brothers were close, but he was still determined to make his point. When he had thrown your body down the stairs and into the foyer as though you were nothing more than a mangled rag doll, he expected tears, anger, heartbreak—

"…Seriously? We just finished the last ritual yesterday!"

"ROFL not it!"

"Not it."

"Not it~"

"Belphie, I missed you so much! Oh, not it."

"You guys are the WORST!"

—not whatever the hell this was.

"What the fuck is happening?!" Belphie snarled, pointing furiously at your corpse. Blood was soaking into the carpet, yet even Lucifer looked only mildly annoyed. "Why aren't any of you mad? The exchange program—"

And then your body dissipated into wisps of fading light, another you poked your head over the top of the stairway to stare at the commotion, and Lucifer gave a long, deep sigh before revealing the secret he'd been keeping for centuries.

.

.

.

You'll get the rest when we get our money back! The note read.

Inside the parcel it came with was a severed hand with broken fingers. The area where your forearm had been sawed off was still sluggishly oozing blood, but Mammon guessed you had probably already bled out by that point.

He shouldn't have left you to walk home by yourself after class, but what's done was done. All he could do now was come and get you and put you back together. It was his responsibility as your first, after all.

Mammon cracked his knuckles with a grin. Time to show those lesser demons why messing with the Great Mammon's human was a bad idea.

.

.

.

"How was I supposed to know they couldn't swim?" Levi complained despite looking thoroughly chastised.

"I shouldn't have had to tell you that a mere human doesn't stand a chance against Lotan's floods." Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose. Behind him, Satan was attempting something called CPR, having read about it in a book and wanting to try it out. There was a loud CRACK, followed by a quiet "oh shit", and that was when Lucifer decided to call it a day.

"Levi, cleanup duty. For the entire house."

"But—!"

"Satan, ritual. You can handle the spell on your own this time."

"Tch."

.

.

.

Levi and Beel watched from the broken window on the second floor as you floated face down in the garden's pool fountain. At first they thought the fall would have killed you, but apparently the allure of water from the siren's song was too strong for that.

"…Should I try CPR?" Beel asked after a while.

"Please don't, you'll end up shattering all their ribs like Satan did." Levi grimaced. "Tell you what, if you call their soul back, I'll perform the spell and nobody else has to know."

"Deal."

.

.

.

"Drop it."

*growling*

"Cerberus! I said: Drop. It."

Whining sadly, the giant hellhound lowered his middle head and carefully deposited his cargo at his master's feet. The left head nudged it gently with his snout, and the right one howled mournfully when it did not move.

Lucifer couldn't help the small wince as he took in your state. He could tell it had been quick at least; it wasn't the first time you had to take Cerberus out for his daily walk, but he had likely been in a playful mood today, hence the accident.

Said hellhound was clearly remorseful and kept glancing at the small pile of snacks and toys you had brought along to entertain him during his outing. Even Lucifer softened at the sight, and as he bent down to scoop you into his arms, broken spine and charred flesh and all, he found himself looking forward to personally calling your soul back to him.

.

.

.

When your skin started to break out and swell rapidly, Asmo realized that something had gone terribly wrong.

"Darling!" He screeched as you clawed at your throat, which had ballooned in the few seconds Asmo took to reach you. The moisturizer he had given you dropped to the floor, and he quickly picked it up to inspect it.

"Acid lavender scented... Demonologist approved..." Asmo murmured as he read the printed label. "For external use only... Hyperallergenic—"

By the time the answer finally clicked in his brain, you had already turned blue. Not a good color on you, in his humble opinion.

.

.

.

The curse was simple: the afflicted would experience random bouts of frostbite on their fingers and toes, no matter how warmly they dressed. The nipping cold would serve as an excellent inconvenience and at worst, it could completely freeze over entire limbs.

Perfect for a stuck up older brother who always dressed like a prude.

Unfortunately for Satan and Belphie, Lucifer was not the first one to touch the newly-cursed air conditioner remote.

"W-what's going on…" You slurred on the floor, curled up and hugging yourself for warmth. You weren't shivering anymore, which was a good sign, right? "Wh-why… s'cold…"

Satan and Belphie exchanged looks. The effects of the prank were clearly more severe on humans, but even then it didn't seem like you were going to kick it anytime soon. They could try to break the curse, but given how complicated it was to cast it in the first place, maybe they were better off putting you out of your misery.

"It's a Devildom thing. We get cold snaps out of the blue sometimes," Satan explained as he cradled you close, feeling as though he were holding a block of ice. "Due to the skies being constantly dark here..."

Belphie's magic trickled into you as Satan distracted you with magical theory, and before long you had gone still in his arms, eyes closed.

.

.

.

"...Are you sure we can't tell Solomon? I mean, we have solid proof that his cooking is lethal now, so this is technically his fault."

"Who the fuck brought his food into the house to begin with?!"

"I did, sorry. He must have snuck some stuff into the basket of pastries Simeon and Luke gave us."

"Seriously, this guy needs to take a hint when everybody tells him to stay out of the kitchen..."

.

.

.

Lucifer was seething. "What. Happened."

"I didn't do nothin'!" Mammon exclaimed, still clutching you tightly. You looked like you were sleeping in his arms, if not for the blue of your lips and your still chest. "We were just walking home, and then the next thing I know, they're eating dirt!"

"Liver failure, brain damage, collapsing lungs…" Satan looked extremely grim after assessing the current state of your body. "There's no singular cause; everything's just… falling to pieces."

Asmo paled. "But why? We've been so careful! We always got the freshest parts, and there hasn't even been an incident in weeks!"

Levi and the twins nodded frantically.

But the truth was undeniable. There were only so many times you could have your organs and limbs replaced or repaired with magic before your body decided to break down completely. Death was inevitable; it was coming for you regardless of how often you'd already cheated it.

How long did you have left before they couldn't bring you back anymore? You had exceeded all their expectations, lasting until the end of the exchange program and beyond, and they'd grown too attached to let you walk out of their lives permanently. You had gone from becoming a chore for them to prevent all-out war to something akin to a beloved house pet.

"What do we do?" Mammon looked to Lucifer for answers.

But for once, the first-born had none.

.

.

.

"Blacked out from stress, you say? How uninspired."

"I know, right? You would think they'd be able to come up with new excuses over time, but nooo, it's always the same old story."

Michael gave a deep sigh. "Those brothers never learn. How long was it before they became complacent and stopped wiping your memory?"

"Four months." You grinned and reached for another scone on the tray of pastries. "To be fair, they do tend to make it quick so there usually isn't much to remember to begin with."

"I still can't believe those idiots thought the Celestial Realm wouldn't find out," Thirteen snorted. "How dare they think I don't know how to do my job!"

"Now Thirteen, it's natural for souls to spend some time in Purgatory before ascending or becoming Damned. Their mistake was assuming the pacts gave them any claim in the first place."

You tilted your head slightly, as though you were listening to something far away. "Speaking of, I think I hear them calling! Thanks for the tea, it was lovely chatting with you, as always."

Michael frowned. "You can't keep this up forever."

"Chill out, Mikey—"

"Don't call me that."

"—it's all good! No need to start a war in my name or anything."

Thirteen rolled her eyes. "He's right, you know. And just because you had nothing going for you in the human realm doesn't mean you have to keep playing along with those brothers in the Devildom."

"What can I say?" You shrugged nonchalantly as the reaper prepared to escort your soul back to your body. "They make me laugh."

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

What a Lovely Mess

Pairing: Billy Washington x f!reader Warnings: Dirty talk, allusions to smut. Word count: ~1k

Summary: Billy's girlfriend encourages him to explore a more confident side of himself while decorating the Christmas tree.

Author's note: Day six of Smuffmas - tinsel and talking dirty. No tag list. Follow @fics-by-ewanmitchellcrumbs and turn on post notifications.

“Let’s get a real tree this year!”

They were words she regretted ever uttering. Getting it strapped to the roof of Billy’s beaten up, old Vauxhall Cavalier and then driving it back had been the easy bit. But then they’d arrived home, and maneuvering the tree up the stairwell of the block of flats had proven rather more difficult.

Why don’t we live on the fucking ground floor, why doesn’t this poxy building have a lift – all were thoughts that passed angrily through her mind as her and Billy struggled to pivot the large Chrisrmas tree between the pair of them around the corners of each floor. The height difference between them made it no easier – he towered over her by at least a foot, meaning they weren’t able to carry the cumbersome load level. Billy had stumbled back at one point, sending pine needles scattering over the stairs as the branches had brushed against the wall.

“Jesus, Billy!” she snapped, struggling to right the giant fir as they’d continued upwards.

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” he huffed back, his brow furrowed and sweaty with exertion.

“Just be careful, okay?” she said moodily, as they’d begun their ascent of the final flight of stairs.

“Do you think I’m going out of my way not to be?” Billy snarked. “Tell you what, let’s just assume that going forward I’m always being careful, unless explicitly told otherwise.”

Moody prick.

She scowled, falling silent as they leaned the tree against the wall so that Billy could fish the keys from his pocket and open the door. The warmth of the central heating that enveloped her as soon as they were inside soured her mood further – she was already clammy from their ordeal on the stairs and was now being smothered by further heat that made her coat stick to her skin with perspiration. She was desperate to peel it off, but they still had to get the tree situated in the living room.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Billy groaned, seeing what it looked like, once they had it positioned in the corner.

It was too tall for the flat – the top of it bent against the ceiling at a right angle.

“Didn’t you measure it?” she asked exasperatedly, struggling out of her coat and letting it drop onto the sofa.

“Did you see me get out a tape measure at the tree yard?” he sniped, brushing the sweat dampened strands of sandy coloured hair from his forehead in an agitated gesture. “I thought all Christmas trees were just house sized.”

She sighed, biting back the urge to tell him what a stupid thing that was to say. “We’ll just have to chop a bit off.”

“Yeah, I think you’re probably right,” he admitted, staring up at it, “if we lop that bit at the top off, it should be fine.”

“You can’t do that!” she protested, “that will ruin the shape of the tree, and then where we will put the star? Take a bit off the trunk at the bottom.”

“I haven’t got anything that could cut through that,” he told her, turning his attention from the tree to her.

“Well, what were you gonna use to cut the top?”

“You know…scissors,” he said, making a snipping motion in the air with his forefingers.

The suggestion and the gesture had caused an involuntary burst of laughter to erupt from her, the sound immediately dissipating the tension that had built between them from the effort of getting the tree into the flat in the first place. He grinned, blue eyes sparkling as he looked at her.

“You know what, let’s leave it as it is,” she said with a smile, “it looks shit, but I don’t think it’d be our tree if it didn’t.

“Merry shitmas then, babe!” he said with a dopey smile. “Drink?”

A few moments later, the two of them sat on the floor of the living room – her with her legs crossed, Billy with his stretched out in front of him – as they pawed through a battered cardboard box of old Christmas decorations. Threadbare tinsel that had seen better days, chipped baubles and string lights that all seemed to have bulbs missing made up the selection of items that they would use to decorate the monstrosity that crowded their living room.

“I’m sorry for getting stroppy with you earlier,” she said softly, before taking a sip of red wine and savouring the subtle burn at the back of her throat.

“Yeah, me too,” he replied, as his thumbs rubbed idly at the condensation on his bottle of Stella. His eyes lifted to meet hers, taking on a playful look as he continued, “you’ll have to watch yourself though, or you’ll end up on the naughty list.”

“Oh yeah?” she giggled. “You gonna spank me?”

Billy’s cheeks flushed pink and he lowered his gaze, taking a sudden keen interest in the label on his beer bottle, but she wasn’t going to let him retreat so easily.

“Oi,” she chided, setting her wine glass and moving to straddle his lap. She draped a length of purple tinsel around the back of his neck, tugging him closer. “Don’t go shy on me.”

“I’m not,” he said, putting his beer bottle down on the carpet and bringing his hands to rest upon her hips, “I just feel stupid talking like that.”

“Why?”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“You don’t need to be embarrassed with me, Billy,” she urged, “talk dirty to me. I want you to, I like it.”

His face twisted with incredulity, his brow furrowing as he scoffed. “I wouldn’t know where to start.”

“Well,” she began, her voice turning sultry, “you could tell me what you want to do to me, or what you want me to do to you, how I make you feel. There aren’t rules, just say what comes naturally.”

“You go first then,” he insisted, giving her hips a gentle squeeze.

She nodded, biting her lip as she considered what to say. “You make me so wet,” she purred, grinding slightly in his lap to emphasise her point.

Billy’s lips parted, a heavy exhale escaping him. His eyes drifted downwards in momentary hesitation, before lifting back to her face. “I wanna taste it,” he whispered.

“Yeah? You wanna make me feel good with your mouth?” she asked, continuing the lazy roll of her hips against his, using her grip on the tinsel around his neck as leverage. Her core throbbed at the feeling of his growing hardness rubbing against her through the fabric of his jogging bottoms.

“Mmm, yeah,” he breathed, growing more confident, gripping her firmly as he guided her movements. “Wanna tear those knickers off you and have you sit on my face, make you come.”

“Fucking hell, Billy,” she almost moaned, the filthiness of his words taking her by surprise, causing the aching desire within her to grow stronger. “Love how your tongue feels on my clit, you always make me come so hard.”

He groaned, his face pressing into the crook of her neck as he raised a hand to palm roughly at her breast through her t-shirt, making her gasp.

“Tell me what you want me to do to you,” she urged, pulling back slightly, forcing him to look at her once more.

“I…I want you to ride me,” he stuttered breathlessly as his hand snaked from her breast back to her hip, urging her movements against his clothed erection.

“You want to be inside of me?” she smiled coyly, stroking her fingers through his hair.

“Yeah, yeah, I do,” he said, halting his movements.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, cocking her head.

“I’m done dirty talking,” he told her, sliding the tinsel from around his neck and dropping it onto the carpet.

“You are?”

“Yeah,” he replied, sliding his hands to her rear and giving it a firm squeeze. “Bed. Now.”

Read on AO3

More Billy Washington fics

[datharlequinoni]

After revamping the hell out of Racasix I was ready to approach Verocia and give her a similar treatment. However, what initially began as a desire to have the system wedge attached to the torso by something better than two 1/2 pins (which caused it to come off if you so much as brushed it with your finger) ended up exploding into a complete and utter total rework of everything below her shoulders and exponential increase in the amount of system I was using for this build. I changed fucking everything, and it took multiple days to finally figure everything out. Verocia is now, somehow, even more of a rework than the Racasix build was, which means that that build I posted, as part of my standardized Vortixx build set, is now outdated. Yes. Outdated. Within a 4 day period. All because I wanted a system wedge to not fall off. I also want to elucidate on Verocia's design philosophy a bit. Thanks to Greg saying Vortixx are basically primarily black, and silver works incredibly well with that, the vast majority of Vortixx MOCs tend to follow that trend. I have *never* been okay with this. I stan the green mofo that Roodaka killed. I will not accept the litany of black and silver. So she was gonna be an off the wall colour. After establishing that baseline, and running a very Roodaka-ish design philosophy tools wise by Bobthedoctor, I decided that the primary two inspirations for Verocia would be two iconic female protagonists: Samus Aran, who's zero suit is the basis for the colours and shapes, and Bloodrayne, for whom I owe the idea of arm mounted flip blades.

So of course I had to build a giant fuckoff arm cannon for her. I don't know if the cannon will be...Ahem, *canon* to her appearance in my AU, as I don't know how to implement it into the story and whether to have her lose an arm or not, but it is decidedly awesome and hammers home the whole Samus Aran aesthetic. Zero suit Vortixx. Vortixx Prime. Unfortunately, if I really want the arm cannon to work I would have to completely change her colour scheme and shoulder armor, so this isn't as complete as the reference could be. Still, fucking awesome.

[xylianasblog]

His Sevin. His tawtute.

Pairings: Tonowari x Human! Femreader

Summary: He enjoys visiting you late when no one’s around. Finding comfort and relief in you that not even his mate can bring.

Warnings: infidelity (if you squint), degradation, choking, breeding kink, p in v, penetration, cursing??, possible praising, manhandling??

♥18+ ♥ no minors!♥18+ ♥ no minors!♥18+ ♥ no minors!♥18+ ♥

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He had your small body pressed firmly against the mat inside your marui. Your small human body took every inch of his length as he pushed into you roughly.

“Fuck.. Sevin, you have such a tight pussy. Look at the way you take me in.” He groaned out, his hand gripping your hair. Holding your head in place as he made you watch him fuck in and out of you.

You moaned out, mouth gaping open as drool dripped down the side. Your eyes closed from the overload of pleasure until he tugged on your head. “Ah ah watch Sevin. Watch me fuck this pretty pussy that belongs to me.” He ordered.

“T-Tonowari! Fuck.. please please..” You cried out, your body shaking as your mind focused on him as he reached your deepest parts. You watched like you were told to, watching as he pulled out till only the tip was left before he thrust back into you roughly. Hitting all the sweet spots inside of you sipping wet cunt that took and engraved the shape of his cock.

His hold tightened in your hair as he watched himself bottom you out. He loved the feeling of your human pussy taking every bit of him in ways he couldn’t imagine. He loved how wet and stupid you got as he fucked into your small body like a toy.

The bulge of his cock visibly as it protruded from your lower stomach he enjoyed the sight. It filled him with much need and desire, especially knowing he was the only man to make your human body experience such a thing. He threw your head back, releasing his hold on your hair as his giant hand wrapped around your throat. His free hand grabbed ahold of your thigh pressing your legs further apart as he thrusts inside harder and faster.

“T-there! Oh my fuck.. there please.. there!” You begged, the sound of your cries caused him to tighten his giant hand around your throat. “That’s it.. fucking beg for it tawtute.” He moaned out loving the way your body grew closer to another orgasm because of him.

“G-gonna... I.. Wari.” You whimpered as you tightened around him, your small hand tugging on his wrist as you began squirming underneath him. “Mmm please.. please..” you moaned out. He let out a breathless moan as his grip tightened around the supple skin of your thigh most likely leaving a bruise. “Stop fucking moving.. take my cock Sevin.. take it and come for me.”

You couldn’t focus your mind going blank as the pleasure overtook every sense of your body. Tonowari loved it, he pulled out slowly enticing a whimpering of protest to fall from your lips. Your walls clenched around nothing greedily. Grabbing ahold of your legs he moved your legs holding them down beside your head. He admired the view of you now in the mating press position, everything on display for him. Without much warning or care he thrust into you, his cock immediately bottoming you out once more.

You couldn’t even cry out as he thrust in, hitting so deep he knocked the air from your legs as your body came. You ended up squirting the new position causing you to spray yourself, the force of your orgasm nearly pushing Tonowari out of you.

“Yes.. yes my tawtute just like that.. now take my cock.. take my cum as I breed you.. ” he groaned out between each of his thrusts, his mind grew foggy as his thrust grew sloppy. “My own personal tawtute.. my Sevin.. my little cumslut..” he moaned. "Take" thrust "My' thrust "Load like a." thrust "Good little toy." Tonowari ground out through clenched teeth as he finally filled your awaiting cunt. His body shuddered as he used you to ride out his own round of pleasure.

“Good girl..”

»——————⋆◦ 𖥸 ◦⋆——————«

Tags: @otasia @blueslxt-primary @tiredmamaissy @pandoraslxna @oceanstar19 @kxamtxomawteyam @avatar4life @iwanttogohomeandtakeanap @ghostreadersthings @lauratstrange @manumanulau @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @leelumenaura @cinetrix

[made-my-peace-with-all-the-bad]

Quick little Darrel and Paul yap because they’re plaguing my mind

I think we need to collectively acknowledge how many parallels exist between them and how the history they have impacts them. Obviously they have such an extensive history (whether or not you interpret that to be platonic or romantic) that shaped so much of who they are as people and their behaviors. For Darrel, he was changed because he lost the person he could freely voice his worries with who wouldn’t judge him for it. Because Paul was there when Darrel needed something at any time. If Darrel needed to let his walls down and just break, Paul was picking him up and driving him away from everyone. If Darrel needed to rant about his family, Paul was inviting him over immediately. Paul pushed Darrel too. He made him take risks and chances he wouldn’t normally. Sometimes he got in trouble for it, but he always had fun. And Darrel knew Paul would always be there defending his name against other socs. Until suddenly he wasn’t. Suddenly there was no more “Paul and Darrel” together, as if they were one person, and then Paul started spending more time with the Socs he used to despise. And Darrel built a resentment towards their “could’ve been” story and hates that Paul gets out while he’s stuck in Tulsa. After their falling out, Darrel is suddenly alone. There’s no one he can go to in order to just be a kid again, he’s forced to always remain in the brother/father cycle. Darrel lost his person.

And Paul? Paul was always with Darrel. From the moment they met, it was always them together. And Darrel always knew what Paul needed. Paul felt overwhelmed? Darrel knew and immediately went to help him. Paul is gonna do something stupid? Darrel’s there making sure it’s not too bad. They balanced each other out. But it was deeper than that too. Like on nights when they’d be at Paul’s house, surrounded by the silence of a giant house that isn’t really a home, and Paul could just tell Darrel everything he truly felt without needing the mask he puts up with the Socs. And then the falling out. When Paul couldn’t process how he really felt about it because the person that helped him figure out how he felt wasn’t there anymore. So, Paul started spending time with the Socs and started picking up their bad habits because what did he have to lose? Paul lost his person.

I think they both hold such a resentment towards each other for reasons that may be a little misdirected (looking at you, Paul). Darrel is so mad that Paul gets out of Tulsa, goes to college and seems to be living his life. Paul who doesn’t actually get out. He always find himself back in Tulsa. Hoping that if he wanders just a little too close to the east side, he’ll see Darrel. Paul who hates that Darrel has a true family and convinces himself that the Socs are like family to him (most of them aren’t, except for Bob, who Paul’s sees as his little brother). Darrel who tries so hard to forget their friendship so he doesn’t focus on all the good and doesn’t have too mourn even more. Paul who wants nothing more than to try and rekindle that, but knows he can’t and thinks he doesn’t deserve to. The hatred that’s so clearly seen in their eyes during the rumble. The rumble they fight in so that maybe, somehow, if they fight a little harder and hit a little more. They can erase what they used to have. Like it never happened.

Paul and Darrel who lost each other and hate that the other one has what they’ll always want.

[obsessivestar]

'What If It's All A RomCom?' - a Ted Nivison x Reader

{{- Welcome to Chapter 4! Gonna ditch the Story Description from here on out. If this is your first chapter, I'd recommend reading Chapter 1, Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 first! Or just read this one if you want the good shit, up to you ;^) -}}

//General Warnings: 18+ fic, Reader implied to be afab and under 5'5.

Chapter Warnings: Heated language. Heavy kissing. Mentions of Jackbox (Idk if that should count as a warning but the game is in this chapter so if you don't know of it you might get confused)\\

> Word count: 4.7k (I'm so fucking sorry LMAO)

☆▪︎▪︎▪︎Taglist!▪︎▪︎▪︎☆

@k-k0129

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Chapter 4: You Don't Wanna Kiss Me?

The shots we had just done looked very pretty, actually. The crew had gotten this one beautiful shot of the extras throwing around the ball on the left with Ted and I along the flagpole on the right, the bright sun giving this shadowy effect to us all. Good. This way, you can't see how absolutely embarrassed I was with how close Ted was to me; practically had me pinned against that pole. It did make for an excellent shot though, and I could tell Tanner was proud. I didn't want to ruin that for him.

Once we all moved inside, Ted and I finally got to take part in some scenes where we'd be speaking to one another. These next scenes had extras moving around with packed bags and boxes, simulating a large group of friends helping each other move in. Ted and I would be discussing graduation in the scene over by the kitchen table. He and Tanner had apparently made some adjustments to the script earlier in the morning as the personality of 'Mason' needed to be tweaked for Ted's more extroverted personality. I didn't mind it, any new context didn't change my own lines and we were free to improv if need be. Ted would even start the scene by picking up a box from the front door to bring to the kitchen table to make the scene feel more natural. I liked how much Ted was willing to adapt to everything for the production, I'm sure Tanner appreciated it too; and I appreciated getting to see Ted move some more.

Oh man, I'm not actually starting to like this guy, am I?

I have to control my thoughts for the scene to continue. These casual takes are relatively easy to get through when my brain isn't arguing with itself. We shoot several different scenes together, some where we're talking alone and some where we're in a group setting, once again doing any necessary retakes until the sun starts to set once again and Tanner decides to call it for the day. As the film crew once again packed up and dispurse to their own accommodations, I found out who that 5th mystery member of the editing team was. It was Dan, the guy that had almost hit me with the football earlier. He apologized to me more, but I reassured him all was okay and that I wasn't upset with anyone. The interaction had got me thinking about how to wind the night down without us all retreating to our bedrooms. We had ended the 2nd day of filming a little earlier than we wrapped up yesterday, so we had the free time. I pitched the idea to Tanner once everyone else had left, and he loved the idea, so we got everyone else together and met up in the living room.

Tanner was the one to suggest bringing his PC down from his room to play Jackbox, a party game where you use your phones as controllers to connect and play some entertaining mini games. We'd all have to be together for the next 3 weeks anyways; it felt like the perfect ice breaker. At this point, everyone had changed into their own clothes, including Ted, who was wearing a black sweater and some casual dark grey pants. He looked pretty comfy, actually. The couch we were all on was like one giant sofa, all connected together in the shape of a sharp U with a large flat screen TV mounted up on the wall adjacent to us. I had sat myself near one of the corners on the left side, pleasantly surprised when Ted chose to sit next to me. The scent of pine I had caught on him earlier was a little stronger now, even though he wasn't sitting all that close to me.

"Did you put more cologne on?" I ask with a smirk, sitting up a bit more on the couch as he got comfortable next to me. "Yeah. I sweat a lot sometimes and I don't want to smell." Ted admitted, sounding a lot more relaxed than I'm used to hearing. He might've been a little tired from the long day we've had.

"That's actually why I'm sitting over here. Tanner smells like shit, like, almost all the time, so..." Ted jokes, giving a tired grin to Tanner who was setting up his PC to connect to the TV. "That's cap, chat. That's so cap." Tanner casually responds, plugging an HDMI cable to the side of the TV, then moving to sit at the far left end of the couch. Dan had chosen to sit somewhat in the middle part of the large sofa, more on Tanner's side so Joe could sit next to me.

"If you want to sit next to (Y/N), you can just say that." Tanner speaks up again, moving his mouse and keyboard onto the coffee table. I blush to myself, pulling my hands into my own long sleeved shirt. If Tanner of all people is starting to comment on...whatever's between Ted and I, it must be noticeable to literally everyone else. So it can't just be my imagination. "No, see, she doesn't smell like gym socks, so that's fine. I'll take vanilla over gym socks."

"I smell like vanilla to you?" I scoff, turning my head to him and raising a brow.

"It's not 'to me'. I just know you use vanilla."

"What do you mean I use vanilla?"

"You have a little spray bottle that says 'warm vanilla sugar." Ted spreads his thumb and his pointer figure to estimate the size of the bottle. I'm flabbergasted because he's right.

"How the fuck do you know that???" Joe asks, sounding about as confused as I am.

"Because I saw her put it in her bag!"

"Why were you--" a chuckle escapes me. "How do you know exactly what it's called?"

"You left it on the counter this morning and it scared the shit out of me because I thought it was, like, a little container of piss at first, so I looked at it!" Ted admitted, gesturing over to the kitchen with his arm. Everyone in the room starts laughing, myself included. His logic makes no sense sometimes. "And then I saw you put it in your bag, so I know it's yours!"

"Imagine it was actually was a container of piss though. Like, sorry, I left it there." Joe jokes, grinning over at Tanner. "Yeah, sorry chat, I was saving it for later." Tanner continues the joke, laughter once again filling the room. "Man, we should start a podcast." My friends are an interesting pair, I tell ya. I was surprised to see Dan and Ted weren't phased by our strange humor. They seemed to fit right in our strange friend group.

Tanner got the first game up so we could test some of the types of minigames this series had to offer. We quickly realized the trivia ones weren't very fun for us, mostly because we didn't know what any of the answers were. Quiplash gave us some good laughs but got old very quickly, and Tee K.O. was fun, but the creativity didn't last. The ones that really entertained us were The Devil's And The Details, Talking Points, and especially FixyText. There was something about the more cooperative ones that were an absolute blast, especially if I was ever paired with Ted. We'd be pushing and yelling at each other whenever one was trying to stop the other from committing a selfish act in one game, then get close together and share the screens of our phones as we created the funniest text replies in another, snickering and whispering to each other to plan ahead. I think we really blew everyone away with our fake presentations, too. Whenever we were paired up for a game, we'd be inseparable. Sensational, even.

But as always, time is fated to pass and it eventually got rather late in the night. As the last awards of the night are given, I realize just how much closer I had gotten to Ted. I wasn't leaning on his shoulder or anything, but we were practically stuck side by side together with our knees up to our chest, sharing the award we were giving out. I could tell Ted was getting tired as his voice was the lowest I had ever heard it. It was kind of...hot, actually. Especially this close. Dan is the first to say goodnight and head upstairs, with Joe helping Tanner pack away the PC to bring upstairs as well. For a little while, it was just Ted and I.

On that couch.

In that living room.

Downstairs.

Alone.

"You look tired." I speak softly as I look at Ted, who had put his hood up earlier. I could see the subtle bags under his eyes from this close.

"You kept me up past my bedtime.." Ted muttered with a tired smirk, keeping his eyes on his phone. He was checking all of his social media for the night, switching from Instagram to Twitter. "I didn't mean to keep you up.." I chuckled a little, sticking my own phone into my baggy pockets. "You're a big boy, you can make your own decisions."

"I know, but you were staying up, so.." Ted sniffles to stifle a yawn, looking over at me as he wipes one of his eyes with his hand. "Your fault."

"My fault?"

"Mhmm.."

"It's my fault you chose to stay up with me?"

"Yeah. Exactly."

"It sounds like you wanted to stay up with me, Teddy.." I shoot him a gentle grin, taking the opportunity to tease him. "I wanted..." Ted pauses to allow himself to yawn, stretching one arm out while covering his mouth with his free hand before continuing. "I wanted to make sure you'd lose."

"You wanted to make sure I'd lose."

"That's right."

"That's it?"

"That's about it."

"You wanna know what I think?"

"Prolly not a whole lot..."

"I--fuck off, I think--" I let out a cackle, lightly smacking his shoulder. "I think you wanted to stay up with everyone, not just me."

"Not just you?"

"No."

"No?..."

He stops stretching and looks at his phone one last time to close Twitter, then slips his phone into his sweater pocket and turns his head again to look at me. Our eyes meet and the room goes quiet. Ted has this relaxed half-smile as he looks at me, his eyes subtly moving left to right to suggest he's looking at both of my eyes. I return the tired smile, taking the quiet moment to gaze into his earthy orbs. As our gazes stay fixed on one another, I can feel a pit of anxiousness grow in my stomach like a slow, blooming flower. He just admitted it, didn't he? He wanted to stay up for me, with me. I can't deny this any longer. Ted is...a very handsome looking man. I can't break my gaze away. I turn my body a bit more towards him to make my neck more comfortable. His eyes wander along my blushing cheeks. I wonder if his gaze would go any lower, but he returns his stare to mine. I shouldn't. I can't even find the willpower to say anything, but he isn't speaking either. He isn't speaking, he isn't teasing me, he's stopped teasing me. Why has he stopped teasing me? He's so...he's so...

"(Y/N)"

I hear my name come from Joe's voice, startling Ted and I a little. I look over the couch to see Joe standing at the stairs, giving me a knowing smirk. How long has he been standing there? I look at my phone and realize it's nearly midnight. We should all be going to bed. I look over at Ted again, but he's already off the couch, cleaning up the empty bottles and cups to the kitchen. Son of a bitch.

I get up to help clean up, as Ted missed a cup since his hands were full. "Hold on." I tell Joe, heading into the kitchen with Ted. It's all one big room, so Joe can still see Ted and I in the kitchen. As Ted's putting the bottles in the recycling, I start putting the cups in the sink. There's a moment where we both reach for the same cup and his hand slightly rests on top of mine. His hand is surprisingly colder than I anticipated. We look at each other and chuckle quietly, then Ted removes his hand so I could put the cup in the sink.

"Clearly I am fuckin' tired.." He mutters and looks at me with a tired smile. "Don't stay up so late next time.." I pester him a little, returning the smile as I move away from the sink.

"I probably will.."

"Right, and it'll be my fault, yeah?"

"It'll absolutely be your fault."

I roll my eyes at his response, not even making an effort to hide the blush on my cheeks.

"Goodnight, Ted."

"G'night, stinky.."

A little laugh slips out of me, finally joining Joe at the stairs. Before we're even out of Ted's sight, Joe is already badgering me about that exchange. He whispers in a criticizing tone, but I can barely hear him over our stepping until we get to the upstairs hallway.

"I literally told you. I literally told you not to flirt." Joe huffs, picking up his tone now that we were likely out of earshot. "No no no, you didn't tell me not to flirt." I shake my head and waggle my finger in Joe's direction. "You told me not to sleep with him, I'm not sleeping with him."

"That's not what it was about to look like." Joe's whisper becomes raspy, like he's quietly yelling at me.

"What do you mean?? I didn't start flirting, he did."

"Did you not feel how fucking close you two were the whole night? He looked like he was about to kiss you just now!"

I look over at the stairs, as if I'm able to look at Ted through them. I think about his eyes and his smile. God, his smile. His stupid smile. "He was?.." Once again, I find myself smiling. It seems I can't even hide these feelings from Joseph. Not sure why I thought I could, Joe's see's everything, especially if I'm involved. He may know me better than I know myself. He's my best friend.

He snaps his fingers in my face to wake me from my gaze, furrowing his brows at me in frustration. I let out a huff, shrugging my shoulders at him. I'm not going to dance around him anymore. I know he has good intentions, but I see him as a brother, not a father. "Well, so fucking what? What do you want me to say, that I think he's ugly?"

"I'd know you're lying to me."

"Exactly! What are you gonna do if it actually happens? I have to kiss him tomorrow anyways. If something else happens, it happens. I don't know what to tell you that'd make you feel better other than I'll be fine."

Joe takes a deep breath, turning his head away from me for a moment. I could see his thoughts through his body language. He was unsure at first, but a mischievous smirk began to take over his expression. I saw Protective Brother Joseph leave his body in favour of Gossiping Best Friend Joseph.

"...okay, you two would be pretty hot together."

I let out a louder laugh than I probably should've, quickly covering my mouth as Joe playfully shushes me. I know Joe just doesn't want me to get hurt, I acted the same way with him when he met his husband. We love each other like family. "But you have to promise me you'll tell me first if anything happens. I need the tea."

"Oh you know I will.." I grin at him, moving over to my door for the night.

"Night, Joe." "Night (Y/N)."

I enter my bedroom and plop right down on the bed, letting out a content sigh. I take out my phone to glance over social media one last time. I see Ted had posted a photo of the 5 of us earlier, and I see just how close I was to Ted. I take a screenshot of it and rest the phone down on my chest, unable to contain my smile. I giggle to myself, knowing what's coming. I fall asleep wondering if I'll be ready tomorrow. There's a very good chance I could freak out.

Turns out, we both might've been freaking out.

The morning comes and goes, mostly because some of us had slept in. By the afternoon, we're having to turn the lights down and close the blinds to simulate it being much later in the night. We've got a bunch of RGB lights and even a light-up disco ball on the ceiling to make it feel like a party. This is the first scene in which Ted and I will be sharing a kiss. I actually really like how the scene is set. Ted and I are sitting in a circle with a bunch of the extras playing Spin-The-Bottle. Of course, after a few spins, the bottle will be pointing for us to kiss. We have to act like we're nervous, which probably wasn't helping. When it came to filming the actual kissing scene, we had to sit down beside each other, turn our heads and kiss, but it had to be slow. We have to linger on it, really show the tension building up just for it to burst with that very first kiss.

But for nearly a whole hour, we couldn't do it.

Maybe it was all the extra eyes, maybe it was the weird angle we were at, I had no idea. Sometimes Ted would be ready and I'd mess up, sometimes I'd be ready and he'd mess up. It was a whole ordeal. I felt bad for everyone that was waiting for us to get this. No one appeared to be mad, but one kiss was taking over an hour. Even I'd start to feel a little frustrated if the leads couldn't wrap it up. We almost get it at one point, but I choke at the last second and start laughing, which makes Ted start laughing as well. He grabs my face and starts shaking me, chanting. "We have to kiss, (Y/N)! This is our job! You need to kiss me, God damnit! Look at my lips and kiss me!" We both were becoming hysterical, so much so that Tanner finally decided to call for a break. I was relieved, actually. As hard as I was laughing, I was embarrassed. I thought I'd be more prepared for this. Perhaps getting this comfortable with Ted was a mistake, now I can't do my job.

As everyone's leaving to grab lunch or touch up their hair and makeup, Tanner approaches Ted and I as we get up from the floor. I half expected him to encourage us to get the kiss over with in front of everyone, but he has a different idea. "Okay, this is going to sound insane, but hear me out..." Tanner begins, gesturing to the both of us. "I'm gonna get the camera rolling...and then I'm just gonna leave it there."

"Leave it there?" I ask, raising a brow. "What do you mean?"

"I just...I feel like all of the eyes watching are making this a little harder for you guys.." Tanner admitted, clasping his hands together. "I can bring another camera and go outside with everyone, I want you two to be comfortable. You can take your time and, yknow, Ted could look at the shot afterwards.." Tanner trails off, probably looking for a specific reaction out of either Ted or I. Ted didn't seem to mind the idea at all, looking over at me with a shrug. I look down at my shoes, sort of clicking them together. So Tanner wants Ted and I to kiss on camera...alone.

"But if you want to wait, we can film something else..." Tanner speaks up again, looking at me with a concerned expression.

"Are you okay...?" Ted pauses, lightly touching my arm with one of his fingers, almost like he was...caressing me. I turn my head up to look at Ted, watching as he tilts his head. "....with that?"

"Yeah, I can do it this way." I finally answer, giving Ted and Tanner a smile. "He probably needs a refresher on how to kiss a woman anyways..."

Ted chuckles and shakes his head at me, though Tanner is satisfied with the answer. "Alright, I'll just set it up and give you two the reigns.." Tanner speaks, moving over to the camera. He adjusts a few things on it, then takes a step back and shoots us some finger guns. "Shout if you need me."

Ted and I watch as Tanner collects the rest of the team and brings them outside, watching one of the bigger crew members pick up an entire camera and hoist it on outside.

Now, it was just Ted and I.

In the living room.

Alone.

On camera.

"Alright, go sit where we were before, I'll make sure the camera's in focus.." Ted instructs, pointing over to the floor. I can't help but blush, only because It sounded like a command. I wonder if he's the type to talk you through it...

Stop it. It's just a kiss.

I go and sit back on the floor, criss-crossing my legs as I watch Ted fiddle with the camera. After a moment, he lets out a sigh and steps back. "Alright. You're in focus. It'll adjust to us." He speaks, coming over to sit next to me. I can feel my heart start beating out of my chest once he sits down. This is really happening. I know I have to do this for Tanner, I want to do it for Tanner, but it's...harder now. For some reason, it's harder now.

"If you want, we could just...talk first.." Ted spoke to me in a condecending tone. Our eyes meet once more and I get that same pit in my stomach that I had last night. No. I'm not gonna let him have this. He got me yesterday on that fucking pole, I'm getting him today. "We could...talk about last night.." I offered, shooting him a little grin. He cracks a smile, gliding the tip of his tongue along his top teeth briefly.

"You wanna get into this on camera?" Ted asks, nodding at me with am embarrassed little smile.

"What!? You're the one that offered to talk!" I start laughing, tilting my head at him mockingly. "You don't wanna kiss me, Teddy? You afraid to kiss me?"

"Fuck you."

"You don't wanna kiss me?"

"This film is going to fail because of you--"

"You don't wanna kiss me?"

"and your--and your giant fucking ego."

"You don't wanna kiss me?"

"Are you done, princess? Are you fucking done?" Ted's swiveling his head in my direction to mock me back, a permanent grin on his face. "Shut your mouth, I'm comin' in."

"You're not doing shit! That's not the tell!"

"Hey."

"'Hey' what?"

"Hey."

"What?"

"Shut your mouth."

I raise both of my eyebrows at him and scoff. Before I can think of another sarcastic remark, he does it. His eyes wander down to my lips, lightly nibbling on the end of his own bottom lip, then he returns his gaze to mine. That's the tell. He's about to lean in, but I don't let him.

My body moves on its own, darting towards him so our lips could finally meet for the first time. All of the tension that had been building between us finally begins to melt as our lips continue to connect, slowly at first. It's not enough. I unravel my legs and sit up on my knees. Ted reacts by placing both of his hands on my waist, pulling me in closer to cause a breathy moan to escape into our kiss. My hands reach up to hold both of his cheeks, his glasses caressing my face as our lips caress each other's tenderly. I can feel the heat radiating off his cheeks, my own warm blush making my breathing pick up. I can't pull away. It feels like his lips were meant to be attached to mine. I can feel his breathing on my chest, his stubble along the palms of my hands, his fingers gripping my lower back, his tongue gliding along his lower lip into mine, his cologne, the tension. The tension. All of it was making me stir crazy. His lips, his kiss, I could lose myself in him. I could truly lose it. I don't want to stop. I want to run my fingers through his hair, I want to bite his stupid lip, I want to be louder.

But we're on camera. Tanner's camera. We have to stop. I have to...

I'm the one to break the kiss, hearing a quiet pop and an airy moan from Ted in response. I connect my forehead with his for a brief moment, keeping my eyes closed until I pull away to look at him. The tip of his nose tickles mine, his hands still wrapped around my waist. We share a quiet moment, steadying our breathing. I don't even know if this kiss was supposed to be this heated, but it's what Tanner's getting. All he wrote was 'Kara and Mason kiss' in the script. He can work with this.

"...I think we got it.." Ted is the first to speak up, but he doesn't remove his hands from me just yet. I can't help but let out a laugh, leaning my head back for a moment. "What? What did I say?" Ted asks, smiling through his teeth.

"No no, I just..." I take a few breaths through my laughter, letting go of his face to wave my hand a little. "I-I think that's the quietest we've been together so far.."

"Oh yeah? We should probably get louder then.."

Now that. That is something I didn't think I'd hear out of Ted, certainly not to me. Did he forget we're supposed to be shooting a scene?

"Camera's still rolling, Teddy.."

"...FUCK!"

Ted nearly throws me off of him and struggles to get up to go turn off the camera. I'm absolutely killing myself laughing as I pick myself up off the floor. No way did the fucker forgot we were filming. He JUST said 'we got it'.

"You forgot!?"

"Can you cut footage on this!?"

"You fucking forgot! Oh my god, you sad fuck!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Ted laughs, trying to sound angry with me as he pauses the film on the camera. "Tanner's gonna see that!"

"Hell yeah he is! Great Job, Teddy! You sleazy mother fucker.."

"Me? Me!? He's gonna see you being a fucking slut!"

"Oh I'M the slut!? Really?!"

"Yeah!"

"Really!?"

"Yes!"

"Your hands on my fucking waist? I'M the slut!?"

"Your tongue in MY mouth!"

"You started with it!"

"I did fucking NOT! I felt yours first!"

"I felt YOURS first! YOU started with it!"

"Started with what?"

Tanner suddenly steps into the room, startling both of us. He must've just stepped in from outside, I didn't even hear him close a door. He's got no idea what we're yelling at each other about. "Have you guys kissed yet?"

Ted and I look at each other again as I struggle to contain my laughter. All I can do is nod, pointing in Ted's direction. "Ask him about it. It's on there." I manage to speak after a little while, walking passed them to head outside. I lightly touch my lips as I open the screen door to get outside. The last thing I hear is Tanner asking Ted about all the yelling, and a final huff from Ted himself.

Truthfully, I needed to head outside to compose myself. I could still feel his hands on my warm cheeks, placing my own hand on it to feel just how hot they had become. I couldn't believe he forgot he were filming, he seemed very into...all of that.

What would've happened if the camera wasn't there?

__________________________________

|| Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 (smut) || Chapter 7 || Chapter 8 || Chapter 9 || Chapter 10 (smut) || Chapter 11 || Chapter 12 || Chapter 13 || Chapter 14 (smut) || Chapter 15 || Chapter 16 || Chapter 17 ||

[ferigrieving]

you cried wolf, so i came running.

⊹ ࣪ am i the wolf, or am i the saviour?

a.n the house i mentioned is literally a real house i went house shopping instead of packing and its literally so beautiful this is also kind of canon divergent takes place around the hassaikai arc and you and dabi get left behind to house sit or . whatever

⤷ masterlist ; requests open

the hideout was suffocating.

in the dim corners of the abandoned bar that the league of villains called home, you and dabi sat huddled together under a pile of mismatched blankets you had stolen from don quijote. the glow from the laptop screen cast eerie shadows on the cracked walls, illuminating your faces as you scrolled through endless real estate listings. despite the raging winter storm outside, you felt nothing but warm as you sat next to your boyfriend.

“how about this one?” his arm was wrapped around yours protectively, his body warmth seeping through the thick fabric of your jumper. the only perk of having a todoroki as a boyfriend was the heat they seemed to radiate at all times.

 the league had left you two on guard watching in search of some random villain group you’ve never heard of– the hassaikai, or whatever. you werent really paying attention, deciding to be productive and look for real estate as if you had even half the funds to afford anything.

dabi leaned closer, his breath warm against your cheek as he leaned on your shoulder from where he sat behind you. “too big,” he muttered, reaching over to continue scrolling. “its just gonna be us. why do we need that many bedrooms? unless you were planin’ on havin’ kids.”

“not anytime soon, especially not with a bitch like you. our kids are gonna turn our wrinkly and purple like their father.” you elbowed him in the gut at his words, shaking your head as you removed his hand from the trackpad. “but we should at least have space for guests. or just an extra room. could be my studio. or the office, if you ever decide to become a blue-collared freak.”

he chuckled, leaning back against the wall, the sound vibrating through his chest and into your back. “guests, huh? plannin’ on inviting twice and toga over for tea or some shit?”

“touya, shut up.”

“love you too,” he grinned, kissing the top of your head. in response, you pushed him away, shaking your head and focusing your attention back on the laptop. you both went back and forth like this, bantering and shoving at one another as you skimmed through countless listings. the two of you shared a mutual understanding: this was a game. a dance you had both perfected over the years.

 "you are not picking this one. it's too flashy. we are not making a huge property investment in the shape of a giant L. that's just tacky. we would look like assholes," he muttered.

“we already look like assholes. we’re literally wanted criminals, baby.”

“exactly. so we shouldn’t draw more attention to ourselves.” he pointed to a property. “see that one? it’s nice, decent space. not too far from kamino. even your shitty job would be within walking distance.”

you smacked his arm, scoffing at the jab. “my shitty job is what’s gonna pay the bills, dickhead. you’re lucky i’m even humouring you with all of this.”

dabi’s voice was quiet, his tone low as he pulled you closer. the two of you were cuddled up close on the small cot where you slept, his arms circling around your waist as he spooned you. the glow of his flames was the only source of light in the dark room, reflecting in the broken mirror in the corner.

his hands were running up and down your sides, fingers tracing light patterns across your arm. his grip was loose, almost absentminded as he held you against him. you found a nice apartment not far from here. three bedrooms, one bathroom, open space layout. only four minutes away from the station.

dabi’s breath was warm against your neck, his lips grazing the sensitive skin underneath your ear.

“hmm. it looks good. nice open layout, plenty of space, nice neighbourhood. plus there’s a balcony so i don’t have to deal with your nasty smoking habit.” he hummed, wrapping his arms around your middle. “it even has a bathtub. perfect for us.”

“your nasty smokin habit, you fuckin’ hag.”

he chuckled, biting down on your earlobe just hard enough to make you shiver.  “watch it, love. your bratty mouth is gonna get you into trouble,” he murmured, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck.

“yeah. yeah, whatever. i think its really nice but.. do we really need three bedrooms?”

“no,” he muttered. he was in that lazy, sated state he got into when you two had just had sex, his touches soft and sweet as he held you close. his voice was deep and low in your ear. 

“it’s just gonna be us. we don’t need a guest bedroom for toga or shiggy or any other league losers to crash on. two would be fine. one for sleeping, one for other stuff.”

“and by other stuff you mean fucking me senseless on all the furniture?”

“sure. that too,” he nipped at your shoulder, trailing a soft, hot line of kisses down your skin. he had a habit of doing this when he was sleepy, his touches lazy and languid.

“i think two bedrooms is enough.” he said between kisses. “plus, you know how much i love sleeping next to you,” he purred.

you felt his hot breath on your neck as he continued to kiss and nuzzle at your skin. the apartment was nice, that was for sure, but the thought of having your own space with him was enough to make you relax into his embrace.

dabi's touch was possessive, like he was trying to claim you as his own. it wasn't new, but it was always a good feeling. you'd always been his, and he would always be yours. there was no denying that.

“its… eighteen million yen.”

“eighteen million yen?”

dabi snorted, and you could just feel him roll his eyes behind you. “are you shittin’ me, doll? theres no way we can afford that. we’d have to start savin’. maybe you gotta get a second job.”

“theres no way i can afford that. and why cant you get a job, you dickrider?”

he laughed at the nickname, burying his face in your neck. “cause i’m terrible with people, love. you’re the only person i can stand for more than two minutes,” he muttered.

“plus, what could i possibly do with this pretty face?” he gestured to his burnt skin, raising a brow at you.

“dunno. become a sex worker. thats like.. all you're good at. except charring people to bits in a second.”

a bark of laughter left his throat at that. “we both know i have a hard time sharing, doll. you don’t want me to get fired for burnin’ up all the clients, anyway,” he hummed.

“okay, whatever. next!” you hit the back button and continued scrolling. the kanji on the website felt like it was melting together into one big symbol, but you couldn't stop looking. you weren't aware you were capable of doom scrolling on a real estate website.

“you’re so impatient,” he groaned, kissing behind your ear as he flicked through more listings. 

“there,” he muttered, pointing at one. the two of you had been skimming through the same real estate site for hours, looking at various homes and apartments throughout japan. this one caught his attention, his eyes widening slightly. 

“that one, i like that one.” 

“i was gonna say that.”

you didn't really understand what older people meant when they said a house was ‘breath-taking’, but there was just something about this small little house you couldn't resist the charm of. the house was nearly all wood, from the ceiling, to the pillars, to the accenting. it was beautiful. 

windows were scattered on nearly every open space, and a small stairwell in the living room led up to a common room, already adorned with bookshelves and a desk. a ladder lead up to the lofted bedroom, and you couldn't imagine what the trek would be like when you and your boyfriend were drunk. it almost excited you.

dabi could see the light dancing in your eyes when you focused on the house. the sparkle of hope and excitement. he felt his heart flutter as you scanned over the listing, zooming in on the photos.

he couldn’t blame you. the house was absolutely… gorgeous. cosy. picturesque, even. the perfect home. he could envision spending every waking hour with you for the rest of his life.

“what do you think?” he muttered, wrapping his arms around you from behind.

dabi couldn’t help but smile against your skin. he leaned up, pressing his lips to yours in a chaste kiss. 

“then we’ll have it,” he whispered, his voice laced with love and affection. “whatever you want, as long as i get to keep waking up next to my pretty doll every day for the rest of my life, i’m happy.”

“god, you’re such a sap.”

dabi chuckled against your skin, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. “i get all poetic when you’re around, doll. you make me soft,” he purred.

dabi pulled you further into his arms, tracing patterns on your stomach as he read through the description under the pictures. his fingers moved along the soft skin, tracing circles and hearts lazily as if he was just enjoying touching you. 

“i can see us here,” he hummed. “wakin’ up to the sun streamin’ through those giant windows. havin’ breakfast together on that tiny balcony. all that good stuff.”

dabi couldn’t help but picture it in his mind. you two, happy and in love. sharing meals together in his kitchen, enjoying each other's company and waking up beside one another every morning. it sounded like heaven, really. the soft, domestic bliss he'd always secretly pined for.

“we could even… start a family. kids, pets. all of it. it would be nice.” he breathed, leaning his head against yours, his words barely a whisper. he was imagining it, the future he'd secretly wished for since he first laid eyes on you.

you nodded, turning around from where you sat to kiss him softly. “yeah. it’d be nice, don’t you think? i always wanted to be a dad. i could teach my kid to play volleyball and scare all of his little teenage girlfriends.” he chuckled, burying his face into your hair. 

“you’d… like that, right?” dabi murmured, a hint of nervousness in his voice. it wasn’t something you two had ever really discussed, even in passing, but he couldn’t help but wonder.

“i just want everything,” he whispered before you could answer him, the sound muffled into your hair. a moment of silence passed before he spoke again, a small huff of laughter leaving his lips. 

“the house. the kids. the annoying dog that’ll eat our couch.” his lips slowly moved down your face, planting soft kisses as he continued speaking. “i want to grow old with you. i want to watch you walk down the dress wearing the most beautiful smile in the world. i want to watch you walk around our huge ass house pregnant, complaining that im coddling you too much.”

“ugh, listen to me. a year ago i woulda’ laughed at someone for talkin’ this cheesy. guess i’m goin’ soft, doll.”

“all because of you…” he pulled you closer, squeezing you tight against his chest. he was always affectionate, sometimes even clingy, but in the moment he seemed extra clingy. he couldn’t get enough of Touching and feeling you, as if it would soothe some deep insecurity inside of him. he was completely vulnerable, letting himself be gentle and sweet with you in the way he rarely let himself feel. 

that soft, quiet love he had reserved for you, only you.

dabi grinned, nodding against your hair. “yeah,” he whispered. “we can go look at it tomorrow. whatever you want.” he held you tighter, as if he was scared this was all a dream and he'd wake up alone in that shitty little house his father had raised him in.

his soft voice sent a shiver down your spine. this wasn't something you were used to—touya being so vulnerable, so gentle. the same man who had a reputation for his ruthless teasing and scathing remarks was now burying his face in your hair and whispering sweet nothings. he didn't let his guard down like this often, and the trust he was showing you in this moment was overwhelming.

you leaned back against him, soaking in the warmth of his embrace. his arms were wrapped around your torso, his chest pressed against your back. you could feel his steady heartbeat against your spine.

“you’re going soft, you know?” you teased, nudging him with your elbow. “next thing you know, you’re gonna start singing love songs to me while strummin’ a guitar.”

he chuckled at your words, the sound reverberating through his chest and into your back. “ha! never gonna happen. i’d rather swallow a handful of nails.”

“aww, come on,” you said, turning your head to playfully pout at him. “not even one little serenade for your favourite boy?”

he rolled his eyes at your pleading pout, but you could see the corners of his lips tugged upwards into a reluctant smile.

“doll, darlin’, love of my life,” he said dramatically. “i’d do a lot of things for you, but singin’ and playin’ the guitar ain’t one of ‘em. my voice sounds like a hyena being strangled and my fingers are too burnt to hold a pick.”

“sounds a lot to me like you’re given’ up, todoroki.”

dabi's eyes glinted with mischief. “tch, never. just being realistic. ain’t nobody wanna hear me singin’.”

he leaned back against the wall again, pulling you with him. “and i don’t need any fancy instruments to prove how i feel ‘bout you. my tongue’s more than enough, darlin.”

he let out a low chuckle as he gave your ear a playful nip. “i can think of a lot better things for these fingers to do than hold a pick.”

“you’re so gross. you pushed him away, groaning and turning on your side. “im goin’ to sleep. fuck you.”

dabi's smirk turned into a soft smile as he noticed your tired expression. “aw, my poor baby,” he teased, pulling you into his lap. “guess I wore you out, huh?”

he wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you snug against him. “you should get some sleep, doll. i can stay awake ‘n keep watch.”

“you sure?”

dabi nodded, nuzzling his face into your hair. “of course. I'm used to lackin' sleep, don't worry ‘bout me.”

he tightened his grip around your waist, pulling you even closer. “go to sleep. i’ll wake you up if anything happens.”

you settled into his lap, feeling drowsy and safe in his embrace. dabi continued to idly stroke your hair, his free hand rubbing soothing circles on your hip. 

he watched as you slowly drifted off, your breathing becoming deep and steady.

a small smile tugged at his lips as he looked down at you. you were so vulnerable like this, all curled up in his lap and asleep. he still wondered how he ended up with you.

he didn't deserve you, but god, he was glad you were his.

[trashyswitch]

The Guilty, Shady Thief

Moon had stolen one of Monty's most prized possessions: his star-shaped shades. But Sun will only bring out Moon if Monty calms himself down. But no need to worry! Cause Sun knows the perfect trick to ease Monty's anger-induced mind.

This fanfic was suggested by @Puzzle_piecea on AO3! Thank you so much for the prompt! I hope you enjoy!

“Ho ho HO! Look who’s come to visit the Superstar daycare!” Sun declared, jumping circles around the large, green animatronic as he stormed into the Daycare. 

“Bring out Moon.” Monty ordered. 

Sun froze. “Uhhh...” He muttered. 

“He stole my star sunglasses.” He told him. “Bring him out, or else…” Monty ordered rather aggressively. 

Sun widened his eyes and stared at Monty. “.....And if I don’t?” 

He growled and stomped up to Sun. “Then I’ll rip you and your crooked brother to shreds.” Monty spat back. 

Sun stared at Monty with slight fear…though the fear wasn’t really written on his face. His face couldn’t really contort into a different face other than the ‘bright smiley face’ he showed off constantly to the little children. But inside, Sun could feel the programmed nervousness building up in his chest. 

{Don’t do it!} Moon pleaded, his voice cracking from fear. {He’s gonna kill us!} 

Sun decided to stand his ground in an attempt to save his brother. “Nah.” Sun replied casually. 

Monty growled and narrowed his eyes at him. 

Sun’s built-in smirk was the perfect look to match his mischievous mood. “I will only bring out Moon on one condition…” Sun told him. 

Monty growled a slight bit more at those words. “...What.” He spat through his teeth. 

“You’ll need to calm down and take a few deep breaths…” Sun told him. 

“WHA-” Monty growled and took in a big artificial breath, before letting it out. “Okay, okay.” He muttered, before morphing his face into a calm expression. “There. I’m calm.” He told him. “Now can you let Moon out?” Monty asked. 

“What’s the magic word?” Sun asked in a teasy voice. 

Monty sighed. “Can you pleeease let Moon out?” He asked. 

“Hmmmm…” Sun rubbed his chin like a man with a long beard. He clicked his artificial tongue a few times. “Mmmmm…” He looked up at Monty and lowered his hands. “Nah.” 

The reaction was immediate. Monty took in a big breath and let out a DEEP, BELLOWING ROAR. The previous anger had completely enveloped his body and tripled in intensity in what felt like a millisecond. Monty actually looked like he was going to EXPLODE from anger! 

…And Sun’s cackly laughter was NOT helping matters. Apparently, seeing Monty explode with anger, was absolutely hilarious to The Daycare Attendant! Sun was doubling over, holding his belly as he cackled and laughed at Monty’s reaction. 

{I admit…that was funny…but…Please be careful…} Moon said telepathically to Sun. 

{I know, I know, Moon.} Sun said back to him within his head. 

And Sun’s laughter had quickly stopped the moment he heard rapid stomping heading towards him. Sun used his elasticity to his advantage and jumped over Monty right before he tackled him to the ground. Monty fell into the wall, and stopped himself with his arms before turning himself around. 

Monty charged at Sun once again. “GET OVER HERE!” He shouted. 

Sun yelped and moved out of the way again, before watching Monty screech to another halt. 

“Please stop!” Sun ordered. 

“TURN INTO MOON!” Monty shouted at him. 

“NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE.” Sun yelled back, readying himself for the next charge. 

The moment Monty charged at him for the third time, Sun tried to jump over him again. But Monty saw it coming this time! He ended up grabbing his ankle and throwing Sun to the ground in front of him. “MOON, I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!” Monty shouted. 

{SO SOMETHING, SUN!} Moon ordered in his head. 

“UH-Uuuuh-” Sun did the first thing he could think of: He reached out and scratched at his side. 

{Tickling him!? That’s all you could think of?!} Moon asked. 

{YOU try wrestling a giant alligator!} Sun yelled back. 

But Sun and Moon both stared at the animatronic. Monty had frozen in place for a few moments, looking almost shocked. Though he didn’t exactly look happy, he did stop trying to destroy them. 

{Do it again!} Moon ordered. 

{B-But-} Sun tried to argue. 

{DO IT!} Moon ordered telepathically. 

Sun skittered his fingers in his armpits next. 

“aAH!” Monty jumped, attempting to cover his left armpit with his right hand. “S-Stop-” Monty ordered. 

{It’s working!} Moon reacted. {Do it again!} 

Sun moved his fingers to his neck and tickled there for a change. And when Monty jumped and attempted to hide his neck with his shoulder, that was when Sun recognized a good solution to calming Monty’s anger: 

Tickling! 

Sun skittered his fingers against his left armpit again, and watched as Monty unintentionally incapacitated his left arm. With his left arm out of the way, Sun scooted himself out from under him, and jumped on top of him to resume tickling the spots he knew thus far. 

“HEY! GET OVER HERE- aAAH! GAHAHA!” He guffawed, crash-landing onto his large yellow belly. “S-STOP IT!” He ordered before rolling onto his side, hugging himself. 

Sun moved his fingers closer to the line where the chest and the belly split for contorting reasons. All the main animatronics had this same split between the belly and chest. Even Sun himself had this little horizontal split! But he mainly did this because he was curious as to whether the splited area was also ticklish. If not, then he’d try somewhere else. But if so…That would be an amazing spot to go for!

“NoNO! BAHAHAHAHAHA! NOT THERE! NOHOHOT THEHERE!” He fought and bellowed. 

Looks like that’s a big fat yes! 

{Oooh! Good one!} Moon reacted. 

“Not here? Not your poor upper belly?” Sun asked out loud with a little giggle of his own. 

“YOHOHOHOU’RE EHEVIL!” He shouted at him. 

“Call me whatever you like. I’m just trying to settle a restless gator!” Sun told him. 

{Who knew Monty was so ticklish!} Moon reacted. 

{I know, right?!} Sun replied to Moon. 

“IHI’M GONNA KIHIHILL YOHOHOHOU!” Monty shouted at him. 

“Awww, you don’t mean that, do you?” Sun asked. 

{Probably.} Moon replied. 

“YEHEHESSS!” He yelled back. 

{Told you.} Moon added. 

“Well, we’re just gonna have to change that, aren’t we?” Sun said rhetorically to both Moon, and to Monty at the same time. 

Sun continued to tickle right on that sweet little line across his lower chest. “Such a ticklish little hatchling~ And nothing to do, except laugh, laugh, laugh.” Sun teased. “Whatever will he do?” He added. 

“KIHIHILL YOHOHOUUU!” He shouted, falling onto his back. 

Sun climbed onto Monty’s hips and resumed tickling in the same deathly ticklish spot. “Now now, those words are not allowed in Superstar Daycare. You know this.” He reminded him. 

“GEHEHET OHOOOFF MEEEE!” He shouted as loud as he could. 

{Poor baby…} Moon muttered in his head. 

“Poor little baby…” Sun repeated in a slight baby voice. “Do you think he’ll calm himself down?” Sun asked. 

{I hope so…} Moon replied telepathically. 

{That was rhetorical, Moony.} Sun told him. 

“NOHOHO! NEVEHEHEHER!” He shouted at him. 

“Oh! Well if that’s the case…” Sun smirked and scratched his fingers on the joint line a little faster. 

“NONONONO-NOOOOHOHOHOHAHAHAHA!” Monty cackled, sounding absolutely manic as he rolled back and forth like a rolling hotdog. 

“Maybe some more tickles could convince you?” Sun offered. 

Monty shook his head and turned his right hand into a fist. “IHIHI’M GONNA KIHIHILL YOHOU! HAHAHAHAHAHA- IHIHI SWEHEHEHEHEAR!” He shouted at him. 

{He’s never gonna calm down. Not at this rate…} Moon said secretly. 

{We gotta try something else.} Sun told him back. {Maybe…lighter tickles?} He asked in his head. 

{No way! He’ll punch us in the face!} Moon argued in his head. 

{True…but what else can we do?} Sun asked telepathically. 

{I have no idea, but tickling him lightly is NOT the way to go.} Moon warned him. 

Sun sighed and stopped his tickle attack. 

{What are you doing?!} Moon asked. 

{Trust me.} Sun said back. 

Sun watched as Monty went completely limp on the floor. The alligator’s laughter died down to simulated breathless giggles as he attempted to recuperate himself and prevent his body from overheating. 

“You okay?” Sun asked. 

Monty huffed and puffed. “Ihi…I…” He muttered. 

“Are you…calm now?” Sun asked. 

Monty looked up at Sun, and let out a big sigh. “I guess…Yeah.” He replied. 

“Okay. I’m going to let Moon out.” Sun told him. 

{Wait, WHAT?!} Moon yelled from inside his head. 

Monty sat himself up and looked at Sun. “Okay. Thank you.” He said. 

Sun walked into the darkness. {Come out, Moon.} Sun told him. 

{What?! No!} Moon reacted. 

{Now, Moon. You stole his property, and he wants an apology.} Sun told him. 

{He’s not calm! He’s clearly faking it!} Moon reacted. 

{Fake aggression or not, you stole his sunglasses…And you will give them back to him right now.} Sun ordered. 

Moon rolled his eyes and dropped his shoulders with a sigh. {Fine…} He took over Sun’s body and put the nightcap onto his head. “There. Happy?” Moon muttered. 

{Not yet. Sunglasses.} Sun ordered. 

Moon grumbled. {You’re no fun.} He muttered back. 

Moon grabbed the sunglasses off the front desk that was nearby, before walking out of the shadows. “Why hello, Monty…” Moon greeted with his usual smirk. “Look what I have here?” Moon said, showing him the sunglasses.

Monty walked up to him and took the sunglasses. “Little thief.” He grumbled as he clicked his sunglasses into place. He tested them by moving the sunglasses onto his eyes, and raising them up above his eyes. 

He repeated this a few times before turning his eyes towards Moon. “So…” He walked up and leaned in towards him. “Your brother has an interesting way of protecting you…” Monty told him. 

“Y…Yeah…” Moon muttered. 

“Though, I will admit…” Monty smirked a bit more. “Sun gave me a good idea for a punishment…” Monty told him. 

Moon widened his eyes. “P-Punishment?” Moon asked. “For…for what?”  He asked next. 

“For stealing my sunglasses.” Monty replied. 

“B-But, I returned them! Things should be alright now.” Moon admitted. 

“Oh really?” Moon smirked. “You really thought you were getting away with just a slap on the wrist for stealing my sunglasses?” Monty asked. 

Moon stared at him with fear. “Oh no no no…” Monty picked up Moon and placed him over his shoulder. “I think Sun has given me a wonderful idea.” He told him before tickling the back of his thighs. 

“WaitwaiTWAITNOHOHOHO!” Moon shrieked. “STAHAHAHAP WAHAHAIT!” He yelled. 

“I hope you’re ready for some hefty tickles~” Monty declared. 

“NAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!” 

…And yet another tickle fight had commenced.

[cerberusthenking3]

A Meal Fit for a King

Warning:This story contains soft,safe vore,accidental fearplay,mawplay,child prey,G/T,aftercare

I also(obviously)don't own Hazbin Hotel or any characters associated with it.Also, the borrowers in this AU aren't sinners but instead are hellborn who are commonly captured as snacks by sinners and bigger hellborn

Also, Lucifer has a crop because of shape-shifting abilities

I hope leviathanverse enjoys

May POV.

I sneakily slip by the guards at the door to the kitchen and between through the small slit under the door.I pop my head out of under the door and look around,taking a deep breath and giving a relieved sigh,no one's here.Its strange for the kitchen to be empty but I'm not one to miss an opportunity when it's offered to me so I slip in and run over towards one of the cupboards.My hand flicks into my belt and I pull my small hook and wire off the can top fashioned into a loop to hold my hook.My hand slides up the wire and I begin spinning it and take a second to calculate the angle and then I flick it up and silently celebrate as it perfectly wraps around the drawer handle and hooks to itself.My feet brace against the solid door and I quickly pull myself up the wooden pane and arrive at the handle before cautiously unfurling the wire off its anchor and pull myself up onto the counter.I dash across the pretty marble and arrive at a large platter of food and dig through it,choosing a few nice fruits like chunks of apple and pieces of grapes before smelling something more delicious than anything I've ever smelled before.I turn to were the smell is coming from and see a giant brown object covered in some sort of sweet smelling white liquid and cherries.I take a step towards is before stopping,this is definitely a trap so I need to leave,right now.I turn and begin back down the counter when another smell hits my nose.Okay,maybe one piece and then I'm gone,before anyone notices.

May POV.

I quickly scarf down a chunk of the delicious.....thing?Doesn't matter what it is,I tasted it, and now I have to leave.I turn to run off when a smell hits my nose,wait how did he get here?I should have smelled him long before"Why hello there,little borrower"I freeze as I slowly turn and see the king of hell,Lucifer,pulling himself out of a cabinet and he detransforms from a mouse into his real form,and I notice him licking the same sweet white liquid off his hand and his smell fully assaults my nose.He used the delicious snack as cover for his scent and covered his mouse dorm in it for extra measure.My heart begins banging against my chest as he steps towards me and says"You're not gonna leave withou-"I cut him off and sprint off as quickly as I can,leaping off the counter and throwing the hook out,watching it hook to the fridge handle before sliding down the wire and wrenching the hook away as I hear Lucifer finally chasing after me as I slide under the door and through the guards legs as one of them look down at me when the door is thrown open and lucifer runs out yelling"WAIT,I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YOU,COME BACK"I run into a small carved mousehole,which I use as a tunnel system to get around the mansion and collapse against the wall taking deep,gasping breaths before looking out the mousehole and seeing Lucifer on his knees looking in.He quickly says"I w got off on the wrong foot,I'm Lucifer,you are?"I step back and mutter."Not stupid enough to fall for this,bye"and sprint down the tunnel and back to my home.When I get back, I sigh and place my haul on the little table fashioned from a couple bottle caps and some toothpicks.Raising my hand up to my face I tightly squeeze the bridge of my nose and slam the bottom of my palm into my forehead,two years,I've gone two years here without being seen and I ruin it because of some random sweet food.I'm an idiot but I'm not stupid enough to stay here,this place was basically luxury but after tonight I'll have to find another place to stay.

May POV

My eyes snap open as I feel someone watching me, and I shoot up before feeling something, taking up most of the room.I look up, and my heart stops as I see a giant white snake wearing a tophat with a striped pink and red stomach is filling up most of my room.I scramble back and press my back against the wall as the snake.....talks?He anxiously says"Wait don't freak out,please,this probably isn't the best form for this,I now realize,but it's the first form I though of"My jaw drops and I pull the blanket closer to my mouth and softly say"P-please,don't e-eat m-m-me Me.L-Lucifer,i-im sorry for s-stealing from you,I'm g-gonna leave t-t-tommorow,I s-swear"He looks down at me and seems to start panicking before saying"Wait,I'm not mad at you,I've been trying to catc-meet you for a couple of months,that cake was actually made for you,which is why the kitchen was empty"I shiver as his head gets closer and use my free hand to push him away before saying"So,y-your not gonna e-e-eat me?"He avoids eye contact with me before saying certainly,"I swear I won't hurt or kill you in any way,"He let's me stand up as I act like I'm going towards my table before saying softly"Thats not what I asked,sir"He freezes which is enough of a hint to what he was planning for me to act.I leap over his coils as I sprint out of the room and dash down the hall but don't get very far as his tail wraps around my stomach and I just collapse as I'm pulled back into my room.I just sit there as I feel tears well up in my eyes and I hear him nervously ask"He-hey a-are you o-o-okay,oh wait,shit,you're crying,um,I swear I'm not gonna hurt you"He lifts me off the ground and I squeeze my eyes shut before I feel him begin moving.I slowly open my eyes and see that he's holding me while slithering through the tight corridor.I'm gonna die when he exits the wall,I give a dry sob before my body as close together as I can and try to imagine myself in my happy place.

May POV.

The ride gets bumpy after a couple of minutes, and then the tail dissapears off me.Instantly I try to run off before I feel a warm hand wrap around me and pull me up.My eyes flick around as I see that I'm being held at least three feet in the air,if I fall from here I'll break every bone in my body.I look around and see that I'm in a room I've never been in before with large shelves covered in..........rubber ducks?He laughs anxiously and says"sorry,I didn't have time to clean up but,Now presenting the magic-tasticle backflipping rubber duck!"He holds up a rubber duck, which promptly leaps up from his hand a flips over midair, and I just stare at him as he turns the duck before adding,"That also breaths fire!"And sure enough, the duck releases a burst of flame, and he sets it down before saying,"I know,it's kinda stupid. "I shake my head and say,"N-not really,I think it's pretty i-impressive."He smiles, and I grimace at the sharp teeth showing in his mouth. If I'm not careful, he's gonna be picking me out of them by tonight.He gently places me on the workshop table, and I notice a piece or what he called"cake."Sitting there when he pulls it over and leaves it in front of me.I sit there silently for a moment before he says."Dont worry,it's for you,"I quietly mutter. "T-thank you."It takes me thirty minutes to finish the piece of cake, but afterward, I notice that Lucifer is working on something.Slightly bored, I try to walk over to one of the ducks when he reaches out and picks me up.I whimper a little as he pulls me up and holds up a small toy,some kind of stuffed duck toy which feels very soft and huggable.I gently cuddle it to my chest and say"Thanks"He smiles and says"No problem......um,sorry I don't think you ever told me you're name?"I look him over looking for any reason not to tell him, but I guess that there's no point in not telling him,maybe it'll make him keep me as a pet over killing me"May,I'm May"He raises a finger to me and I put my hand out to shake it.

May POV.

I lay on Lucifers palm as he works on his newest invention before I hear his stomach growl,I notice his hand curling around me a bit and I give a smirk as I hear him say"Hey May-May......"I fake huff and say,"No, Luci,you can't. "He gives a groan and huffs at me before saying,"Pleeeeeeeeeeeease,May-May,I'll have another chocolate cake made for you. "I cross my arms and say,"A batch of brownies and you don't ask tomorrow. "He nods happily, and I sigh before grabbing Deuce,the stuffed duck that Luci gave me when we first met and walk up to him.He holds his hand out, and I step onto his palm of his hand where he pull me up to his mouth and opens his sharp teeth before laying his tongue over the bottom layer and I crawl into his mouth before he begins licking all over my body and gently gnawing on my arm.He gently suckles on me before pinning me to the roof of his mouth and swallowing excess saliva.He opens his mouth again before placing a small custom made pillow and blanket into his mouth with me and swallowing.It takes a minute or two to arrive in his crop where I cuddle to the wall as I hear him talking about his"Magic-tastical backflipping rubber duck"Before hearing his phone ring and he yells"DAUGHTER,DAUGHTER CALLING!"Oh, Satan,this'll go well.

[fivenightsatnatemares]

Mangled #1

First part of a twoshot I'm writing for the beginning of the actual story (woohoo!)

It's not my favorite work but it is.. Acceptable. I hope y'all enjoy it. And I hope y'all will find as much love for these characters as we have.

Best to listen to Mangled while reading this story, considering music guides our adventure here 🎶

As always thank you to my lovely friend Boop for being my beta reader 🐰 - Beep

Wordcount: 1.3k

TW: Strong language

It had been years. Years of silence in the place where Mare Wily used to be the nightguard. At least when the children left and the lights went out.

Mare didn't remember exactly how it had happened. One day his brother that owned this pizzeria asked him to do a job for him, just keeping tabs on the security cams, the next he was growing deformities and feeling... Strange.

He had learned to adapt, he had taught himself how to survive amongst the animatronics that came to life at night, even befriending them.

Things changed when fresh blood entered the hallowed halls.

A new nightguard. A young girl, couldn't have been more than 24. Brunette, pretty short. The moment Mare laid eyes on her from within the shadows, he knew she was done for.

It started simple. She did her job, the animatronics came to life, she was terrified. Mare had experienced it all himself. No big deal.

But there was a change. Maybe Mare wanted to scare her off, tell her to never come back. Maybe he just did it for the thrills. Either way, he decided he wanted to involve himself in this little game the animatronics were playing.

It started with changing things on the camera's when he thought she wasn't looking. Moving an endoskeleton that had been dormant even before he was there, opening a pizza box that was previously closed. Little things, just to make her feel like this place was truly haunted... As if the evidence wasn't staring her right in the face in the shape of a giant animatronic bear.

It eventually evolved into banging on the walls and doors, turning off the lights and then turning them back on, and even breaking some of the camera's. Anything to make her feel like she wasn't welcome.

These nights kept going for weeks, until there was a certain night, a night where the young nightguard had been a little too vigilant, the night where she spotted him.

He assumed she had seen him on the camera's initially, as her next course of action was to poke her head out of the security doors and start yelling for 'the guy with long black hair'. No response. Mare wasn't going to go up and talk to her, he needed her out, not up in his business.

She was here every night, and every single night it drove Mare more to the brink of insanity. Why wouldn't she leave, why did she keep calling out to him, why did she care?

It was funny at first, imagining her going crazy thinking there was another human being in here with her. Pfft,as if. Human was far from what Mare would describe himself as nowadays. He was the one who told his animatronic friends about the best ways to go after her. Sure, he made sure they wouldn't actually get her, but what kind of person sticks murderous mascots on someone?

So he stayed away. Partially because he didn't feel like explaining himself. Partially because he thought he might hurt her.

He was a monster, after all.

Another night rolled around, this time the girl had learned something new. Over the weeks she had been clever enough to find out some things, like that she could wander around with a Freddy mask on and the animatronics mostly wouldn't notice her. But this night, she had found the speaker system. Now she was able to broadcast messages throughout the entire pizzeria.

It was getting on Mare's nerves.

"Hey!" He heard her voice loud and.. Well, not clear. But definitely loud. "I know you're in here. I don't know what happened to you, but I want to help."

Mare rolled his eyes. Why would this random girl who was probably gonna end up just like him if she kept coming in, be able to help someone like him? He had been messing with her on purpose, why couldn't she just see-

He groaned, mentally cutting his own ramblings off. She wasn't worth it. All of this wasn't worth it. He made his way over to her. She would have to find out the hard way he wasn't here to make friends.

So now here they were. Mare with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall in the hall across from her little saferoom. She had closed the door when she heard footsteps, just as a precaution, and was now staring at him through the little window.

"Who are you?"

A curious tone, riddled with caution. Mare smiled to himself.

"Nobody important."

The girl's brows furrowed in frustration. She seemed to hesitate.

"Can I open this door or will you kill me?"

Her voice came out stronger than he expected. Maybe this girl wasn't as scared of him as he thought she was.

He shrugged, "Can't promise I won't."

After another moment of hesitation, the girl stepped back, and to his surprise, the door was opened right in front of him.

Gone were the walls keeping them apart. She had put her trust in him.

Mare adjusted, pushing himself from the wall and taking a step closer, his arms still crossed. He raised an eyebrow.

"Are you stupid?" He asked, looking down at the girl in front of him.

"Are you bad?" She retorted, not answering his obvious jab. She still seemed cautious, but there was no sign of her stepping back.

He chuckled. "I suggest you leave this place unless you want the metal assholes to get you. Or worse, end up like me."

The girl frowned, crossing her arms in defiance. "I'm not leaving. Not until I find out whatever the hell is going on here, and until I find a way to help you."

Mare's face contorted into an expression of annoyance. He sighed and shook his head as he ran a hand through his messy hair.

"I don't need help."

She immediately shook her head, a solemn look on her face.

"You're obviously never leaving this place. Tell me why. Tell me it isn't cause you're somehow stuck here. I've felt it too, y'know. I've felt the pull to come back here every night. I've felt something drawing me to this place." The nightguard glanced around the room, vaguely gesturing towards the office before turning back to the man in front of her. "Hell, I'm here every day of the week just to figure out what's going on in this place. It's been months. I'm not stupid, no, far from it. I know something is going on here and I know you have something to do with it."

At those words, something lashed out in Mare. Anger built up rapidly as he snapped his gaze towards her. He felt the blue streaks on his face burn. Before he could even register what he was doing, he had grabbed the girl by her wrist and pressed her against the wall with his arm up to her throat.

"You have so much to say, huh? For someone who doesn't know shit. I have something to do with it? You act like we're to blame, but last I checked it was you wearing a damn mask and coming back every time." He barked at her, pushing her back as he let her go and stepped away. "Why are you even here anyway? Hasn't been a nightguard here in years."

She looked at him with this dumbfounded stare, as if she didn't know what to say for once. She brought her hand up to her throat and soothed the sore skin, her other hand reaching up to hug herself.

"My brother.. He.. He co-owns this place." She sighed. "He wanted to help me get back on my feet after I lost my previous job."

Mare's head snapped back up. Co-owns? He was talking to the goddamn sister of Seán Light? No wonder she was such a pain in the ass.

"Your brother, Seán?" Mare asked.

She nodded.

He visibly clenched his jaw, shook his head and turned to leave. Was this some sort of sick joke? He had finally accepted his fate, and now there was some sister who felt the need to waltz in here. Nah. Not his problem. If she died, that was not on him.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Open Circuits

I'm kickstarting the audiobook for "The Internet Con: How To Seize the Means of Computation," a Big Tech disassembly manual to disenshittify the web and make a new, good internet that picks up where the old, good internet left off. It's a DRM-free book, which means Audible won't carry it, so this crowdfunder is essential. Back now to get the audio, Verso hardcover and ebook:

http://seizethemeansofcomputation.org

Every trip to Defcon – the massive annual hacker-con in Las Vegas – is a delight. Partly it's the familiar – seeing old friends, getting updates on hacks of years gone by. But mostly, it's the surprises, the things you never anticipated. Defcon never fails to surprise.

I got back from Vegas yesterday and I've just unpacking my suitcase, and with it, the tangible evidence of Defcon's cave of wonders. My gear bag has a new essential: Hak5's malicious cable detector, a little USB gizmo that lights up if it detects surreptitious malicious activity, even as it interdicts those nasty payloads:

https://shop.hak5.org/collections/omg-row2/products/malicious-cable-detector-by-o-mg

(In case you're wondering if it's really possible to craft a malicious USB cable that injects badware into your computer and is visually indistinguishable from a regular cable, the answer is a resounding yes, and of course, Hak5 sells those cables, with a variety of USB tips:)

https://shop.hak5.org/collections/omg-row2/products/omg-cable

But merch is only a sideshow. The real action is in the conference rooms, where hackers update you on the pursuit of their obsessions. These are such beautiful weirdos who pursue knowledge to ridiculous extremes, untangling gnarly hairballs just to follow a thread to its origin point.

For the second year in a row, I caught a presentation from Joseph Gabay about his work on warshopping: slicing up shopping cart wheels and haunting shopping mall parking lots during resurfacing to figure out how the anti-theft mechanism that stops your cart from leaving the parking lot works:

https://www.begaydocrime.com/

And of course, I got to give one of those presentations, "An Audacious Plan to Halt the Internet's Enshittification," to a packed house. What a thrill! It was livestreamed, and if you missed it, you'll be able to catch it on Defcon's Youtube page as soon as they upload it (they've got a lot of uploading to do!):

https://www.youtube.com/@DEFCONConference/videos

After my talk, I went back to the No Starch Press booth for a book signing – which was amazing, so many beautiful hackers, plus I got to share a signing table with Micah Lee. As I was leaving, Bill Pollock slipped me a giant hardcover art-book, and said, "You're gonna love this."

I did. The book is Open Circuits: The Inner Beauty of Electronic Components, by Windell Oskay and Eric Schlaepfer, and it is a drop-dead gorgeous collection of photos of electronic components, painstakingly cross-sectioned and polished:

The photos illustrate layperson-friendly explanations of what each component does, how it is constructed, and why. Perhaps you've pondered a circuit board and wondered about the colorful, candy-shaped components soldered to it. It's natural to assume that these are indivisible, abstract functional units, a thing that is best understood as a reliable and deterministic brick that can be used to construct a specific kind of wall.

But peering inside these sealed packages reveals another world, a miniature land where things get simpler – and more complex. Inside these blobs of resin are snips of wire, plugs of wax, simple screws, fine sheets of metal in stacks, wafers of plain ceramic, springs and screws.

Truly, quantity has a quality all its own. Miniaturize these assemblies and produce them at unimaginable scale and the simple, legible components turn into mystical black boxes that only the most dedicated study can reveal. Like every magician's trick, the unfathomable effect is built up through the precise repetition of something very simple.

A prolonged study of Open Circuits reveals something important about the hacker aesthetic, a collection of graphic design, fashion and industrial design conventions that begins with this realization: that the crisp lines of digital logic can be decomposed into blobby, probabilistic lumps of metal, plastic, and even wax.

It reminds me of George Dyson's brilliant memoir/history of computing, Turing's Cathedral, where he describes how he and the other children of the scientists building the first digital computers at the Princeton Institute spent their summers in the basement, hand-winding cores for the early colossi their parents were building on the floors above them:

https://memex.craphound.com/2012/03/12/george-dysons-history-of-the-computer-turings-cathedral/

You can see my hacker aesthetic photos in my Defcon 31 photo set:

https://www.flickr.com/search/?sort=date-taken-desc&safe_search=1&tags=defcon31&user_id=37996580417%40N01&view_all=1

In this video, Eric Schlaepfer illustrates the painstaking work that went into decomposing these tiny, precise components into their messy, analog subcomponents. It's pure hacker aesthetic, and it's mesmerizing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byKyJ0b04Lo

But Open Circuits isn't just an aesthetic journey, it's a technical one. After all, Oskay is co-founder of Evil Mad Scientist Labs, one of the defining places where hardware hackers gather to tear down, pick apart, mod, improve and destroy electronics. The accompanying text is a masterclass in the simple machines that combine together to make complex assemblies:

https://www.evilmadscientist.com/

Defcon is a reminder that the world only seems hermetically sealed and legible to authorized parties with clearance to crack open the box. From shopping cart wheels to thermal fuses, that illegibility is only a few millimeters thick. Sand away the glossy outer layer and you will find yourself in a weird land of wax-blobs, rough approximations, expedient choices and endless opportunities for delight and terror, mischief and care.

Back my anti-enshittification Kickstarter here!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/14/hidden-worlds/#making-the-invisible-visible-and-beautiful

[skekthesilly]

remembering that one time i was apparently racist to someone’s pink stuffed valentines bear, pink bear. like i never meant to be racist to pink bear. ok. racism is not in my blood. ok. i would have broken down sobbing if i even did something or said something remotely racist and realized it. ok. we could have solved this with a simple sorry. a good apology. and a nice conversation with a cup of hot chocolate. ok. but then you called me a “blind ass bitch”. like ok next time you call me that im fucking killing you. im fucking burning you alive. you are fucking dead to me. as soon as you called me that the silly whimsical smile i had plastered onto my face was as hard to keep up as fucking deadlifting the mass of a fucking black hole. it was like all of a sudden you dropped two giant ass fucking anvils on my lips and expected them to stay up. i hope the company that made you loses ownership to you. i hope you become obscure lost media. i hope your pillow is fucking sopping wet and full of maple syrup. okay. i hope black mold grows in between the drywall of your house. i hope your stupid little heart shaped nose falls off. ok. don’t fucking call me that shit again or i will fucking bite you. shake you around. rip you into tiny little fabric pieces and eat you. ok. did you intend that as a fucking joke? because that was not fucking funny. i hope you perish. i hope every single fucking stalk of cilantro you buy has at least 20 giant ass aphids on it. i hope your house gets slightly moist due to a water leak and all of a sudden there are giant fucking oyster mushrooms growing everywhere. on the walls. the fucking ceiling. everywhere. i hope that whenever you take a shit your legs get so fucking tingly its unbearable. i hope that every pen you use explodes in your stupid little fucking paws and every marker dries out into a dusty musty useless husk. i hope that every pencil crayon breaks when you use it and sharpen it and i hope that all of your pencils are the stupid pencils made by the stupid brand that puts plastic in their wood and makes the pencil lead so fucking light that you have to press so hard to use it and it hurts your hand and the eraser smudges everything. i hope every crayon you use smells like shit. okay. i hope your stupid little pink fur turns a stupid color. i hope you go to a barber shop and go fucking BALD. i hope all of your stuffing falls out. i hope you never experience valentines day again. holy fuck. im literally gonna turn into the FUCKING joker