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sankyeom · 4 years

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lullaby | j.b

pairings: jacob bae x reader genre: neighbour au, strangers to lovers, kind of implied that you both are in college summary: in which your new neighbour sings you to sleep every night since the walls in your building are so thin, and you fall in love with his voice word count: 5.4k series: sankyeom’s 2k followers celebration note: yes i’m in love with jacob’s a to boyz video. yes it inspired this fic. yes i’m going through it.

masterlist

When your old neighbour moved out, you couldn’t be happier at the news.

The girl living in the apartment next to yours used to blast her music late at night and into the early morning, and she always kept you up. Sometimes she did it just for fun, other times she did it to overpower the sound of her arguing with her boyfriend. Either way, you would be up at night wanting nothing more than to go over to your neighbour’s apartment and break her door down as a form of revenge.

But you didn’t, because you quite liked your apartment and didn’t want to give your landlord a reason to kick you out.

Instead, you and your other neighbours filed enough noise complaints to the building’s owner until the girl moved out on her own accord. If you had to pinpoint the worst three months of your life, it would be the time when that girl lived next door to you.

Of course it wasn’t entirely her fault; your apartment building had hilariously thin walls. Her music wasn’t the worst thing you had heard through the walls, but it was certainly the loudest and most consistent thing that bothered you.

For a few weeks, the apartment next to yours was vacant, and you were able to relish in the silence that you had been dreaming about for so many gruelling nights. One afternoon after you came home from your day of classes to find the elderly lady who lives a few doors down for you peeking outside her front door.

“Hi Mrs Kim,” you greeted her with a wave. Her eyes flitted over to you and she offered you a smile. Mrs Kim was your favourite neighbour by far. She always brought you treats when she made too many and made sure to check in on you regularly since you lived alone.

“Hi dear,” she waved back, eyes crinkling as she realised it was you.

“What are you up to?” you wondered.

“I’m just spying on your new neighbour,” Mrs Kim informed you, stepping out of her door frame to speak with you.

You sighed. “Another neighbour?” you echoed, craning your neck to see them move in.

If they were interesting enough to peak Mrs Kim’s interest, you wanted to see them for yourself. Alas, all you could see were boxes and bags piled outside the open front door of the apartment next to yours, the new tenant nowhere in sight.

“I was just getting used to having some peace and quiet around here,” you recalled as an afterthought, wincing at the memories of your last neighbour. Although you had no personal issues with her, you were glad to see the self-absorbed music-blaster go.

“I know dear,” Mrs Kim gave you a sympathetic smile, thinking back to how tired and cranky you were a while back. “But he looks kind,” she offered. “He greeted me very nicely and he even has a guitar! How wonderful.”

“A guitar?” you repeated, frowning. “Not electric, I hope?”

Mrs Kim laughed. “Don’t worry so much, Y/n,” she told you, patting your shoulder in an endearing manner. “He was quite handsome.”

You rose an eyebrow. You had been at the hand of Mrs Kim’s attempted set-ups many times before. “And that’s my cue,” you laughed, saying your goodbyes to Mrs Kim and making your way to your apartment. As you took your keys out and started unlocking your door, curiosity got the best of you and you tried to peer into your neighbour’s apartment for a sign of him. “What are you doing,” you muttered to yourself, scolding yourself for invading your new neighbour’s privacy and entering your apartment.

You awoke from your nap to the sound of music.

“Not again,” you groaned, thinking it was your new neighbour in your sleepy state. Soon, you realised that it was just your phone ringing, and felt a little guilty for immediately blaming your neighbour without even meeting him once. “Hello?” you picked up the call.

“Y/N!” your best friend Changmin yelled into your ear.

“Dude,” you groaned. “Why are you using your outdoor voice?”

“This is my indoor voice,” Changmin exclaimed, surprised that you had found him so loud. “You act like you don’t even know me.”

“Oh, my apologies,” you mumbled, putting your phone on speaker just to get it away from your ear. “What’s up? You woke me from my nap.”

“Mrs Kim told me that you have a new neighbour,” Changmin said casually.

You narrowed your eyes at your phone. “When did you talk to Mrs Kim?”

“I saw her at the convenience store,” Changmin happily informed you. “She said she’d give you some brownies for you to pass on to me in the next few days.”

You laughed at this. “How can you charm everyone around you, including the old ladies that live on my floor?”

“Never mind that,” Changmin dismissed. “New neighbour? What’s he like?”

“I don’t know,” you got out of bed to draw your curtains, letting what was left of the sunset brighten your room. You had fallen asleep while studying, and thus hadn’t set an alarm. “I haven’t met him yet.”

“Mrs Kim says he’s cute.”

“Mrs Kim says everyone is cute,” you scoffed. “That woman is a saint.”

“Alright, that’s fair,” Changmin giggled. “Why are you napping this late? You won’t be able to fall asleep tonight if you nap for so long.”

“I know,” you hummed, stretching out and relishing in how relaxed you felt after your nap.

Your best friend was right, though. Whenever you napped in the late afternoon, you always struggled to fall asleep again that night. Of course, this wasn’t a problem when your monstrous neighbour blasted her music every night anyway, but once she left naps and a good night’s sleep were finally possible for you.

“Maybe my new neighbour will play me a lullaby on his electric guitar,” you joke.

“He has an electric guitar?”

“I don’t know,” you admitted. “Mrs Kim says he carried a guitar into his apartment. I haven’t heard him play yet so I don’t know what kind. But I’m delighted to hear it.”

Changmin snorted. “Really?” he asked in disbelief, having been on the end of some rants about you possibly kidnapping your previous neighbour and threatening her to move out.

“Sure,” you exclaimed. “As long as he plays it during hours of the day where I want to be awake, I have no problems what-so-ever with a little rock and roll.”

“Hilarious,” Changmin said sarcastically. “Anyway, did you finish your Chemistry study guide?”

“Is that why you’re calling?” you wondered. “Pretending to be curious about my new neighbour just to steal my hard work and Chemistry notes.”

“You caught me,” Changmin said happily, no shame in his voice. “So?”

You flipped through your notes to see where you go up to before falling asleep. “Yeah I finished them. I suppose you want my Econ notes when I’m done with them too?”

“Forget Mrs Kim, you’re the real saint,” Changmin said in lieu of an answer.

“No need to butter me up, I’ve already agreed,” you rolled your eyes, grinning at your best friend’s antics. “I’ll text you pictures later.”

Once you said your goodbyes, you made your way into the kitchen to turn on the kettle for a hot drink before wandering back into your room to search for a sweater. Once your water was boiled, you made yourself a drink and snuck back into your bed to burrow under the covers and finish studying.

As you took a sip of your drink and flipped through your Economics notes, you heard the faint timbre of an acoustic guitar. Pausing, you stopped your actions and sat up straight, as if this would amplify the sound more so you could hear it.

You guessed your new neighbour didn’t have an electric guitar after all.

The warm chords that you could make out were soothing and whimsical, and you allowed yourself to get lost in your neighbour’s playing for a moment. Deciding that it would make good background study music, you set aside your headphones in favour of listening to your neighbour play his guitar.

Soon, you were already finished with your Economics study guide so you snapped a few pictures of them and sent them to Changmin, along with your study guide for Chemistry too. A quick glance at the clock told you that you had been studying for an hour and a half after napping, meaning that your neighbour was persistently playing for just as long.

Just as you started considering what movie to watch to kill time so you could feel tired enough to go to sleep, soft singing started to accompany the guitar playing coming from your neighbours’s apartment. His voice was rich and tender at the same time; filled with emotion and lyrics close to a mumble in terms of enunciating. Something about his voice made your heart flutter, just slightly. If you thought he was a good guitar player, you thought he was a phenomenal vocalist.

Rather than watching a movie, you tucked yourself into bed and went on your phone to scroll through social media for a while, just listening to the sound of your neighbour’s voice and the music he was playing.

It didn’t take long before your eyes started to feel heavy; lulled to sleep by the timbre of your neighbour’s voice and the warmth of the covers on your bed. Thanking your past self for already setting your alarm for your classes the next day, you were soothed into a deep sleep despite the fact that you took a lengthy nap that afternoon.

The next morning, you felt as though you had never slept so well in your entire life.

Your bed was almost impossibly cosy and you had to seriously motivate yourself to get out of bed and head to your lectures for the day. After getting ready and dressed for the day, you wrapped a scarf around your neck to fend against the biting cold autumn air. As you exited your apartment, you couldn’t help but linger your gaze on your neighbour’s door, wondering if he was still inside or if he had already left.

“He’s gone,” you yelped as Mrs Kim’s voice startled you out of your stare. She stood as if she hadn’t scared you, unfazed by your reaction. “He left two hours ago.”

You put a hand on your chest in an attempt to calm its erratic beat. “Mrs Kim,” you greeted. “You scared me.”

Mrs Kim ignored you, smirking knowingly at you. “So you saw him then?” she assumed. “You must have, if you’re looking at his door like you want him to come out of his apartment.”

“I didn’t see him yet, Mrs Kim,” you denied with a small smile. “I was in my apartment all night and I’m only just leaving now,” you added.

“Then why’re you staring?” she asked, bending down to pick up her cat from the floor.

“Just curious,” you said, which wasn’t entirely a lie. You wanted to know exactly who had sung you a lullaby that was so sweet it put you right to sleep. “Is he really that handsome, Mrs Kim? Not only did you tell me but you told Changmin about it too.”

“He’s very handsome,” Mrs Kim insisted, pushing a container into your arms with her free hand. “Speaking of your charming friend, that’s for him.”

The container had cut up brownies in it, and you almost laughed at how well Changmin and Mrs Kim got along. “Thank you Mrs Kim, I’ll be sure to give them to him today,” you promised, making your way down the hall and rushing to the bus stop so that you wouldn’t miss the last bus that would get you to college on time.

Somehow, it felt as though your new neighbour was avoiding you.

Either that, or the two of you just kept missing one another. Any time you had to leave, you could still hear him milling around his apartment. The only times you ever heard his front door open was when you were just getting home, or had no intention of leaving. Even Changmin, who was a social butterfly and constantly fluttered in between your friends’ places, never saw your neighbour when he came by to visit.

Without a fail, your neighbour played the guitar and sang every single night.

Sometimes he would play during the day as well, but he only ever sang at night. You assumed that he figured he could sing at night so that nobody else heard him, unaware of the paper-thin walls that separated your apartments. You wondered if it was because he was being courteous, or if he was just shy about singing when other people could hear. Either way, you definitely credited your neighbour to being the reason that you fell asleep peacefully every night.

You never had trouble falling asleep in general, but you mostly had very restless nights of sleep, even in the complete silence you heard when your neighbouring apartment was vacant.

Something about your neighbour’s voice just relaxed you to the point where you slept like a little baby.

The first time you met the owner of said voice, you were running late for class and cursing Changmin on the phone as he laughed at your misfortune. He had been teasing you all week about a presentation you were nervous about, saying that you were so well-prepared that the only thing that could mess it up was you missing the class entirely.

Then your alarm didn’t go off and you woke up half an hour later than you usually would on that day.

“Ji Changmin, you’re an ass,” you fumed, pulling your coat on as you opened the front door of your apartment. “You must have cursed me or something, or at least you spoke it into existence. I don’t know but if you don-“

“I’m so sorry!” a familiar voice exclaimed upon your impact with another body. Two hands reached out to steady you and prevent you from falling over, and your eyes met those of a brown-eyed man.

A beautiful, beautiful, brown-eyed man.

“Are you okay?” he asked, since all you had done since the two of you collided was stare at him. “You’re not… concussed, are you? Can you get concussed by bumping into someone?”

“I don’t think so,” you breathed out, taking in his sharp features and large, kind eyes. “I’m sorry. That was definitely my fault, I was rushing, and yelling at my friend,” you tried to explain, but were interrupted when he laughed.

“No harm done,” he assured you, a shy smile appearing on his face. “I’m Jacob. I just moved in next door, actually,” he introduced himself.

Jacob. Mrs Kim was right, he was very handsome.

“Hi Jacob,” you replied, holding out your hand for him to shake. “I’m-“

“Y/n, right?” he stated. At your surprised expression, Jacob only shrugged. “I talked to Mrs Kim from a few doors down. She told me all about you.”

“Oh gosh,” you laugh, covering your face with a hand. “I hope not everything. She’s seen me at my worst, let me put it that way.”

“All good things,” Jacob assured you in his velvety voice. “She speaks really highly of you. Says that you’re smart, kind, and that you have great taste in friends.”

You grin. “Ah, yes. My best friend seems to have charmed his way into her heart. That’s why he gets brownies in a Tupperware and I don’t,” you informed him. “I’m sure you’ll get there too.”

“I sure hope so,” Jacob nods. “I’m a terrible baker and brownies sound really good.” The two of you shared a laugh. “You said you were in a rush, right?” he seemed to recall, causing your eyes to widen.

“Yes! I need to run. I need to catch a bus, like,” you glanced at the time on your phone, realising how late you were and that you were still on a call with Changmin. “Twenty minutes ago.”

“Good luck,” Jacob smiled, waving at you as you said your goodbyes.

“Nice meeting you!” you called back to him, starting to jog down the staircase before bringing your phone up to your ear.

“Jacob, hm?” Changmin’s voice teased you.

“Watch it, Ji Changmin,” you warned. “You’re on thin ice already. Save me a seat!”

Other than being sung to sleep by him every night, your relationship with Jacob pretty much ended at your first meeting. The two of you always exchanged pleasantries when you passed each other in the hallway, and he had once informed you that he really had reached brownie-level friendships with Mrs Kim, but nothing beyond that.

You couldn’t say that you were surprised, considering how the two of you had such different schedules and you kept missing one another, but you somehow felt a little disappointed.

It felt a little bit like the two of you already knew each other, as you heard him sing every single night; hearing the emotion and vulnerability in his voice with every song. But you knew nothing about each other.

After a particularly gruelling day of your Chemistry lab class, you dragged your feet up the stairs to your apartment, feeling utterly exhausted and worn out by your class.

Your lab partner was the absolute worst. He was one of those types that thought he knew everything better than you because he was a Chemistry major, and he belittled you about every single step in the lab. Most of what he was saying was wrong, but he wouldn’t listen to you because he was sure he was right.

Half a semester later, you had just gotten your midterm back and found out that you failed because the data from your experiments were incorrect, and your professor couldn’t give you full credit for any of your answers. Frustrated tears built in your eyes as you made you way to your apartment door, rummaging through your bag for your keys.

“This can’t be happening,” you whined when you realised that your keys were nowhere in your bag, and you had left them in your apartment that morning. “Seriously? Today of all days?” you exclaimed, wiping your cheeks to dry your tears as you headed for Mrs Kim’s apartment to see if she was home. You had entrusted her with a spare key to your apartment since you knew you couldn’t take care of it yourself, and becomes she was so close by.

Realising she wasn’t home, you trudged back to your apartment and sunk onto the floor, burying your face in your knees and letting out a sob. Your day had been mentally and physically exhausting enough without having to wait outside your apartment, in the cold autumn air, to anticipate Mrs Kim’s return so you could enter your apartment.

The door next to yours opened slightly, a soft, concerned voice calling out to you. “Y/n?” Jacob asked quietly, wondering why you were outside. When he noticed your crying, he immediately stepped outside and knelt in front of you. “Are you okay? What happened?” You could only sob in response, not having it in you to explain your situation to him. “Why are you crying?” sniffling, you managed to raise your head and point weakly at your front door.

“You’re locked out?” he guessed, earning a nod. “Okay, let’s go to my place,” Jacob offered you, holding his hand out to help you up. “I just made hot chocolate, and I have Disney Plus so we can watch something while you wait for Mrs Kim,” he paused when you didn’t say anything. “Technically, it’s not my Disney Plus account, but I have my friend’s password. He subscribed just to watch the Beyonce album film,” you laughed tearfully, which Jacob considered a success.

“I don’t want to bother you,” you admitted in a quiet voice, slightly raw from your crying.

“You? Bothering me?” Jacob exclaimed. “Never. Now c’mon. Our hot chocolate’s getting cold.”

Grateful for his kindness, you accepted his outstretched hand and let him pull you to your feet, gently ushering you into his apartment and closing the door behind you. He motioned for you to take a seat on his sofa and you did so, taking off your coat and scarf as you adjusted to Jacob’s warm apartment.

“Here,” he placed two mugs of hot chocolate on the coffee table in front of you, taking a seat on a sofa next to you but giving you some space. You mumbled a quiet thank you before sipping on the hot drink, savouring the way it warmed your insides.

Spotting his guitar leaning against the wall next to the TV, you cocked your head in curiosity to see what it looked like. It was made of a light brown, almost yellow, wood and looked like it was treasured by Jacob. Not only was it in perfect condition, it also looked like it had been used for years already. You silently wondered how long he had been playing it for. “Do you play?” Jacob asked, noticing where your eyes were looking.

Shaking your head, you told him that you didn’t. “You’re really good, though,” you complimented before you could realise what you were saying.

Jacob blinked at you, eyes wide and lips pursed in surprise. “Me?” he echoed. “You’ve heard me play?”

Feeling stupid, you only nodded, sipping more of your hot chocolate as an excuse to think about what you wanted to say. “Um, yeah. Walls are kind of thin around here.”

Jacob blushed. “I’m so sorry,” he apologised. “I play until really late at night most of the time. I even-“ he paused, realising you had heard him sing. “I even sing,” he whispered, eyes flitting to the ground as his cheeks reddened further.

“You’re really good,” you complimented. “At singing, too.”

Jacob shook his head. “It must be annoying.”

“Not at all,” you denied. “My last neighbour used to blast angry-girl rock music. Now, I have nothing against angry-girl rock music, but I do when it’s being played at an ear-splitting volume into the early hours of the morning. That’s annoying. Your singing… It’s more like a lullaby,” you finished your thoughts in a whisper, shy at your explanation.

“Really?” Jacob was shocked.

You hummed in agreement. “I’ve never slept so well in my life,” you admitted with a small smile.

“Oh,” Jacob sipped on his mug to stop a huge smile from taking over his features. After meeting Mrs Kim for the first time, he was intrigued to meet the person she was speaking so highly of. When he ran into you, he felt flustered and excited because you were even more stunning than he could have imagined from Mrs Kim’s description. “I’m glad I helped, then. Even though the idea of you hearing me is mildly humiliating.”

“What!” you exclaimed, louder than you had intended to. “Why would it be humiliating? Your singing is… I can’t even describe it with words. It’s beautiful, Jacob.”

“You think so?” he asked in a disbelieving tone. Your eager nod made butterflies flutter in his stomach. “Thank you. That actually means a lot.”

“You don’t seem to believe me,” you observed.

“I’m not that confident in myself, or my playing,” Jacob explained awkwardly. “I’m more the quiet type, so it’s not so easy for me to put myself out there when it comes to music. I want my music to mean something to other people, and it’s how I communicate best, so…”

“Well, I can confirm first-hand that you’re amazing,” you offered. “I might not be as great of a musician as you, so my compliment might not mean anything to you, but I really believe it.”

Jacob bit his bottom lip, deciding to nod in response to your words, too shy to say much else. You took his reaction as a sign that he didn’t want to continue the conversation anymore, so you focused your attention back onto your hot chocolate. “Do you want to watch a movie?” he offered.

“I would love to leach off of your friend’s Disney Plus account,” you agreed, referring to how Jacob ranted a little about his friend. Jacob grinned, getting up to hang your coat and scarf up for you before he turned the TV on.

Being with Jacob in a more casual state was more fun than you had expected.

Once the two of you warmed up to one another, you found that Jacob was actually really goofy and fun when he got comfortable with you. He made terrible puns about the characters in the film you decided on, and his laugh made you want to squeal because he was so adorable.

Halfway through your second movie, you had fallen asleep as a result of the hot chocolate that had deliciously warmed your body, and the exhaustion from your emotional day. When Jacob noticed, he took one of the throw blankets form his bedroom and gently placed it over your body, getting up from the sofa to let you stretch out and get some rest.

The few times you woke up after falling asleep, you were lulled back to sleep and relaxed by Jacob’s soothing guitar playing and singing. Despite being tired, you were awake long enough to be pleased that Jacob seemed comfortable enough around you to play for you while you were still in his apartment, instead of just waiting until you left.

The next morning, you woke up to the sound of Jacob’s sweet voice gently calling for you to wake up. After opening your eyes, you saw Jacob kneeling in front of you with a bright smile and ruffled hair. “Hi sleepyhead,” he greeted, handing you a cup of tea. You sat up, rubbing your eyes with one hand and accepting the mug with the other. “Mrs Kim came by to drop off your key,” Jacob said. “I texted her last night.”

“Thank you,” you replied, surprised that he had gone out of his way to contact Mrs Kim when you were an emotional wreck who had forgotten all about it.

“She also said to wake you before noon because you have classes in the afternoon and you hate rushing,” Jacob added in thought, passing your spare key from Mrs Kim over to you. “Seems a little ironic since you and I seem to only ever meet when you’re rushing.”

You laughed at this. “What can I say, you always catch me on a good day,” you joke. “But seriously. Thank you. You really helped me out last night, I don’t know how I can repay you.”

Jacob waved you off. “No repayment needed. I’m just happy to get closer to you after being your neighbour for over a month already.”

His large smile was one that you hoped you’d be seeing more of. “Has anybody ever told you that you’re an angel?” you wondered, resting your head on your hand as you observed Jacob’s face. The fluttery feeling in your stomach didn’t surprise you anymore, not after he had saved you the night before. “Like an actual angel. Now that I’ve gotten to know you better, I think I see your wings.”

A giggle escaped the man next to you. “I’ve actually heard that before,” Jacob admitted sheepishly.

“I’m not surprised,” you hummed, sipping on the warm tea Jacob made for you. “What time is it?”

“Just after eleven,” Jacob recited. “Do you have to get going?”

You nodded, finishing up your cup of tea. “I do, unfortunately. I have to go see my Chemistry professor and do some serious begging and grovelling.”

“Sounds rough,” Jacob gave you a sympathetic smile. “Well, I had a really good time last night.”

You smiled back easily, unable to hold it back. “I had a really good time last night too,” you assured him. “I really can’t thank you enough.”

“Stop,” Jacob laughed. “Don’t even think about it. I was happy to have you over.”

“I was happy to finally hear your playing in person,” you replied. “I only really heard it in and out of sleep, but I was still glad to hear it. Also,” you paused, unsure if you were going too far.

“Also,” he echoed, curiosity piqued.

“You said last night that you wanted your music to mean something,” you recalled. “It does mean something. To me, at least. It actually means a lot.”

“I think I can see those angel wings you’re talking about,” Jacob said. “Except they’re on you.”

“Very funny,” you laughed, getting up and finding your coat. “I really need to get going, though.”

“Okay,” Jacob nodded, walking you to the door. “I’ll see you around?” he offered, insecure that you wouldn’t want to spend more time with him.

“I’ll see you soon,” you corrected, flashing him a wink before you let yourself out. Jacob closed the door behind you and you let yourself sigh in delight, relishing in the evening you had together the night before.

“What are you doing walking out of your hot neighbour’s apartment?” you jumped, surprised by Changmin’s sudden presence at your front door. He held out a take-away cup of coffee for you.

“You scared me,” you told him, ignoring his comment as you accepted the coffee.

“Don’t act like you didn’t hear me,” Changmin scowled, following you into your apartment after you unlocked your door. “You came to school in those clothes yesterday. Did you hook up with your cute neighbour? Jacob?”

“You ask so many questions,” you complained, making your way into the bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth. “No, I didn’t hook up with Jacob. I locked myself out and he graciously took me in for the evening, despite my emotional ugly-crying.”

Changmin laughed. “You would go stay at your hot neighbour’s house after having the crappiest day in the world,” he said, pleased at the outcome.

“Thanks, Changmin. Now I need to change so that I have enough time to beg our Chemistry professor to let me do extra-credit assignments so I don’t fail the class,” you added, feeling gloomy about what happened with your midterm the day before.

“Sure, sure,” Changmin nodded, taking a seat on your sofa and taking his phone out.

You made your way to your bedroom to change your clothes, going as quickly as possible so that you still had time to neaten your hair a little. When a knock sounded through your apartment, you called out to Changmin to open the door for you.

“Oh, hi!” you heard your best friend say in his usual chipper tone. “You must be Jacob! I’ve heard so much about you,” at the sound of Jacob’s name, you dropped your hair brush and rushed to the front door, where Changmin was smirking at your neighbour.

“Hey,” you greeted. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jacob assured you, glancing nervously at Changmin, who was still grinning at him.

“Could you give us a minute?” you asked Changmin, raising an eyebrow at his blatant eavesdropping. He sighed, sad that his fun was over, before he walked in the direction of your kitchen. “What’s up?” you smiled at Jacob.

He took a deep breath. “Would you want to get dinner some time?” he asked, tapping his foot as a nervous habit.

His question both surprised and delighted you. “Like a date?” you asked, hiding your smile.

“Like a date,” Jacob confirmed. “If you want.”

“I want,” you agreed, showing your smile. “I want a lot.”

“Great,” Jacob sighed, relieved. “I want a lot, too.” You giggled at how strange the two of you sounded.

“If you guys are going to start kissing, I suggest you do it now because we have to go,” Changmin called from the kitchen, ruining the moment.

Jacob pointed in Changmin’s direction. “He’s not coming to dinner, is he?” he asked.

You grinned. “Absolutely not.”

“How does tonight sound?” Jacob suggested. “Or is that too eager of me?”

“Just eager enough,” you assured him. “Pick me up at seven?”

“Sure thing,” he agreed, beaming as he stepped out of your doorway to go back to his apartment.

“I hope you don’t get lost on your way to my apartment,” you teased. “It’s awfully far from yours.”

“I’ll just follow the sound of your wings,” he called, waving before he disappeared into his apartment.

Dinner. You liked the sound of that.

note: second fic in my 2k celebration series!! i know that this fic and the last didn’t end with a kiss or a relationship but i still think the ending is cute, i hope it satisfies you!

#the boyz #the boyz imagines #jacob #jacob imagines #jacob x reader #the boyz x reader #the boyz scenarios #the boyz fanfic #tbznetwork #jacob bae #the boyz drabbles #the boyz fic #the boyz au #2k celebration #fic: lullaby #deobiwritersnet

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nctsjiho · 4 years

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JiHo vs Geo (NCT JiHo’s Duality)

Fan Video by ‘NeoVerse’ on Youtube

(indented text = comments added by the maker of the video, in this case NeoVerse) So we all know JiHo. One of NCT’s rappers and dancers. She’s always portrayed as cool, confident, intimidating, so for today, let me introduce you to Geo.

The cute, easily embarrassed 00 liner, whom everyone in NCT (and the fandom) has a soft spot for. Though whenever Geo comes out she’s usually getting teased by the boys...

^^ Let’s get started!

[JiHo Vlive ft. Taeyong & Taeil 190407]

“So we’ll be in America soon for the second leg of the Tour.” Taeyong said. “Are you excited?” JiHo asked looking at the oldest of the three. “Yes, we’ll finally get to see all our overseas fans. And we’re even going to see Johnny’s home-”The 3 of them looked off camera once loud noise started to fill the room. The voices obviously belonged to Dream. Taeil and Taeyong shrugged it off and Taeil continued to talk. The noise wasn’t too loud, but it was still a bit distracting non the less.

JiHo continued looking off camera every once in a while. It looked like she finally made eye contact with one of the young boys, because she squinted her eyes a bit more and suddenly the room became silent besides for Taeil talking. The girl gave the tinniest nod before looking back at the camera and joining the two other men in their conversation.

In the background you could hear a door close just after a few silent “sorry’s” were heard.

JiHo: the NCT member who can make Dream, who never stop talking, shut up without even saying anything. The power this girl has

[‘NCT - RESONANCE Pt. 2’ Departure Ver. Jacket Behind the Scene]

Loud cheers filled the echo-y room as JiHo walked in. All the 23 boys were already in their spots, but the girl had walked in late (for an unknown reason). She hides her face in embarrassment as she approaches Renjun who was standing on the far right side of the bleacher-like structure. “JiHo needs to go up one level!” One of the staff members yelled.

JiHo gets up on the structure a hand helping her up, it was Johnny. As she stands up completely she notices she is standing between Johnny and Sungchan. “Please tell my I’m not standing between these two giants.” She looks in the direction of the staff, face full of concern. Her comment causing almost everyone to laugh. “Why? Don’t you like standing between us?” Johnny teased poking at her side. She squints her eyes at the taller man, triggering a few more laughs out of him.

The director instructs the girl to stand between Ten and Shotaro on the other side of the structure and she quickly walks over to them, almost tripping on her way over, where Ten greets her with a big hug. “Ah so cute~” Mark cooed, looking at the embarrassed girl.

[NCT World 2.0 ep 4]

It’s really no secret that JiHo is a very athletic person. She works out and tries out new sports for fun. So even though she might not have the strength as her male colleagues (well most of them, sorry Kun), she was definitely one of, if not the most, agile members in the group.

When they announced the next game, JiHo’s team mates had look slightly worried. The vault was already at 1.70 m which was already taller than her, though JiHo would never openly admit that.

It’s only when the vault is at 2 m high that the members realise the smaller girl had cleared all the previous heights successfully. She’s now standing at a couple meters away to sprint towards the vault.

“We didn’t expect JiHo to make it this far.” Defconn commented. “She’s definitely an ace.” Kim Hwan, the other presenter, added.

We’re talking about the same JiHo right? This girl can literally carry her members on her back!

“Wow~ Look at noona’s face.” Jisung pointed out to his team mates, who unfortunately didn’t make it. The girl had her eyes set on the vault. Completely focused she put up her fist. “JiHo, challenge!” Her first few steps were big but slow, then her pace started picking up, until she had reached the vault.

“Ji-” The camera picks up the shocked faces of the boys as her team members jump to her aid. JiHo was laying on her back on the blue mat, the vault in pieces all around her, with one of the pieces almost making its way towards the girl’s face. Thankfully because of the concerned boys’ fast reflexes they helped avoid a big accident.

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked now that they were standing again. “I think I can make it though...” She furrowed her brow, shocking the boys with her comment. Despite all the boys’ protest JiHo was one again standing at the starting position to run towards the vault.

Taeyong stood up in a panic. “She isn’t going to try again right-” “JiHo, challenge!” And without a second of hesitation she ran towards the vault, 5 boys ready to save her in case she was to fail again. Once her feet hit the mat she looked at the camera with a smirk on her face and a fist in the air. She had cleared the vault.

“I swear to God her confidence is going to be the dead of me.” Taeyong let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

[NCT World 2.0 ep 2]

JiHo’s challenge was to do a rope skipping routine. Since she has been rope skipping for as long as she can remember, it wasn’t really that hard. The challenging part came from that she had to learn a specific routine and execute it perfectly within 10 minutes.

After 3 minutes she had the short routine down, some moves were slightly more difficult, but nothing she couldn’t do.

“JiHo, challenge!” She yelled out. She pulled of the routine effortlessly. Or that’s what she thought at least. Everyone had jumped to their feet, cheering JiHo on those who never saw JiHo rope skipping completely in awe at what she just pulled off. “Let’s go-” Mark had yelled, just before the lights turned red. “Mission failed.” The deep voice boomed over the speakers. Everyone stunned, they could’ve sworn she just did it right. But after review JiHo realised her mistake.

She stood closely to Jaemin’s seat who asked her if she got the routine down now. JiHo nodded while she absentmindedly swung around the jump rope. A particularly hard swing causing the rope to round her back and hit her left arm harshly. The loud sound of the rope hitting her skin was accompanied with a wince at the sting. Jaemin had jumped up asking if JiHo was okay. The girl had slapped her hand against her reddening skin before she started whining that it hurt.

Jaemin took the opportunity to baby her. “Aigoo~ You need to be more careful.” He said rubbing her arms, before pulling her into a hug. The boys who sat a bit further away had started laughing once they realised the girl was okay. “Jaemin-ah, they are laughing at my pain.” She pouted and the boy pulled her closer, glaring at the other members.

Yangyang... I saw you laughing at our baby girl...

[NCT JiHo notices SASEANG at the Airport]

In the shaky fan video with not much context you could see NCT at the airport. The reason why they weren’t moving unknown. The only thing you could tell from the first half of the video was that NCT was standing in the middle of a clearing in the airport with tons of fans surrounding them.

Jeno and JiHo were standing next together, being filmed by the fan. She kept on glancing in a particular direction. At some point Jeno leaned in to whisper something in her ear and she shrugged in response, her body seemed a bit tense.

After another couple of seconds went by, JiHo suddenly starts moving in the direction of the fans - the same direction she kept glancing at. This caused the fans to start screaming and a body guard to quickly try and catch up with her.

It isn’t clear what’s being said, but JiHo exchanges some words with a male fan. She then puts her hand out, the fans around her going quiet. The man hands JiHo his unlocked phone and she starts scrolling through it. With a bitter look she hands the phone back, grabs her own, takes a picture of the man and then leaves. Once she reaches the boys again an indifferent expression remains on her face. Jeno’s hand massages the girl’s shoulder but she doesn’t seem to relax until they are able to leave the airport.

Apparently the male “fan” was a sasaeng and on his phone were pictures he had taken of JiHo and the rest of NCT (?) during their overseas schedules in places no fans were allowed. She deleted them and taken a picture of him for the security, possibly also for the authorities.

[NCT 127 fan event @ Capitol Records]

After everyone had gathered on stage, it was time for each member to introduce themselves. JiHo was last in line and when she started talking in her mic, it was clear that her mic did not work. The girl looked back at the staff, but they didn’t seem to notice directly, so she turned to her right and grabbed Doyoung’s mic. He didn’t let go of it, causing the girl to lean in towards Doyoung and start introducing herself. “Hi! I’m JiHo.” She giggled slightly embarrassed, which emitted a chorus of “awe’s” from the fans.

Later on in the interview, now with a working mic, the question “Who is the most attractive member of the group?” had been asked. Some members had answered already but the interviewer asked JiHo’s opinion. “Uhm...” She hummed as she looked over her members. “I think everyone is very attractive.” She gave as her final answer which left everyone a bit “disappointed”. A fan interjected, yelling, “We all know you think it’s Jungwoo!” JiHo’s face turned the brightest shade of red as she looked at the audience in shock. Everyone at the event had burst out laughing and JiHo sank back in her chair.

[NCT JIHO Choreography | More Than That (Lauren Jauregui)]

JiHo’s know as a bit of a tomboy. I mean she hangs out with dudes pretty much 24/7. So when she dropped this video, let me tell you, we NCTzens were shook.

As the music starts playing the lights slowly turn on. JiHo is sat in the middle of a dance practise room in a chair, head tilted slightly backwards, exposing her neck.

The camera comes closer and JiHo makes eye contact with it, her mouth is slightly agape and she stands up. She hits every beat, dancing in her own, cool style, nothing very girly or sexy, until a certain line comes up.

“I got a situation, I can tell you wanna know“

She brings her clasped hands up, stretching them out above her hand, before pushing her right hip out circling it from the front to the side. She lets her hands drop back down.

“How you can take an honest girl and turn her to a”

Her facial expression turns more cocky. Her left hand goes down the side of her body onto her left thigh while she moves down to an almost squat position. Her right hand comes up from her chest to her neck at the end of the line where the singer lets out a gasp.

Turn her to a WHAT? Explain Lim Jiho! Into a what exactly?!

Stan twitter of course went crazy at the sight of their tomboyish, innocent girl choreographing such a seductive dance. Besides those two lines, most of the dance was just her usual boyish hip-hop style. But the whole vibe of the song, along with her facial expressions had caused such beautiful chaos. Also JiHo in those sweatpants and a sports bra/crop top was something NCTzens weren’t ready for yet.

[Weekly Idol ep 410]

This is probably my favourite JiHo moment ever. For a bit of context. The people sitting down on pillows have to come forward for the members they want to be partnered with and show their charm. After everyone has “seduced” the sitting member, they must close their eyes and if their rose gets picked they are partnered up.

The reason I like this so much is because JiHo was already pouty since Doyoung and Yuta were both seducers as well so there was no chance of partnering with them, but she really wanted to team up with either of them.

After Mark danced to ‘Pick Me’ (and JiHo did everything in her power not to cringe, she failed), he turned around to see which members would come over. When he turned around he saw 4 faces. Those of Doyoung, Jaehyun, Yuta and JiHo. The last two he didn’t expect to come.

One by one they all had to explain why they picked Mark. “Dude, honestly I just don’t want to be picked last.” The girl said in English sending Mark into a fit of laughter. They than had to show show their charm through singing, dancing or acting cute. Once it was Doyoung’s turn, he started dancing to ‘Pick Me’, just like Mark did earlier. “Oppa! I wanted to do that.” She said annoyed to which Doyoung looked shocked. “You were going to dance to a girl group song?” She just rolled her eyes.

Once it was her turn the host had encouraged her to dance to ‘Pick Me’ like she initially planned. “If you do it better than Doyoung, you will have a better chance.” One of the boys had reasoned, that was enough for JiHo to stand up.

She patted down her sweater before getting “in the zone” and she started dancing and singing the song as if it was her own. Some of the boys started cringing at the unfamiliar sight of their female member acting girly and cute, willingly. Then the camera shows Yuta and Jungwoo who were clearly enjoying the show and Taeil smiling fondly as well.

omg this is peak Geo behaviour <3 How is she this cute? Is she really a member of a mostly male group?

Cut to JiHo getting rejected right after Doyoung gets rejected. They sit back next to Johnny, the girl’s head resting on Doyoung’s shoulder. “I guess dancing to that song wasn’t the way to go.” She sighed.

This time it’s Jungwoo’s time to choose a member. He danced to ‘Havana’ to which everyone joins in. Once seated it’s time to start the next round. When Jungwoo faced the group again everyone, including JiHo has come forward.

Johnny danced and Jaehyun and Doyoung sang for Jungwoo, then it’s the girl’s turn. “JiHo! Aegyo!” Haechan yelled and before she can say anything, Yuta agrees. She looks at Jungwoo with a sigh. “Oh it doesn’t look like JiHo really wants to team up with Jungwoo.” Doyoung teased. JiHo quickly dismissed his claim, poking his side which had him twitch.

“Oppa... I think we could make a really good team.” She said with her face rested in her hands. Than she points at her heart. “It would really hurt right here if you reject me.” At the end of her sentence she stands up and throws her rose away. Everyone is dying from laughter or second hand embarrassment. The girl takes a few deep breaths to calm down and she sits back down.

ngl even though that was very cringy, how is JiHo this good at aegyo? I’m sure Jaemin would love it...

They have to make eye contact with the Jungwoo now and once it’s JiHo’s turn she locks eyes with him with ease. Her eyes never faltering which intimidates Jungwoo a bit. “JiHo, you’re supposed to make a connection, not scare him away.” She swats Doyoung’s arm at his remark.

Guess what. Our poor girl was rejected once again

JiHo stands up with her cushion and walks back behind the line. “I danced for you!” She points at Mark. “I acted cute for you!” She points at Jungwoo. “And this is what I get?” The girl actually looks a little agitated which prompted in Jungwoo hugging her and apologising, but she pushes him away. “Whoever my partner is, he and I will end your team.” She threatened while raising her brow. But she only manages to look cute, because she still has a pout very evident on her lips. The tall boy cooed at her and patted her head before walking back to his chair.

Finally Taeyong takes his place on the seat. Once he turned around he could only see Jaehyun and Doyoung sitting back at the line, making a heart with their arms together. A look of despair washed over his face for a quick second before he realises JiHo wasn’t there anymore.

“Where’s JiHo?” He asked and the boys motioned him to turn around once again. When he does he finds JiHo holding her hands up in a heart above her head. “I’ve been rejected twice by those men there.” She points towards Jungwoo and Mark. “And now Doyoung has betrayed me as well. So please be my partner.” Her tone is slightly sad and Taeyong nods and pulls her into a hug.

My heart! :’( She wanted to be in a team with Doyoung from the start, how could he betray JiHo like that!

“Let’s win this!” JiHo yelled, a smile finally finding it’s way back on her face after she found a partner.

That was all for today’s video! Thank you so much for watching!

---

Side Note: This post is inspired by a post by @nct-aria. They’re an amazing NCT addition blog, which I definitely recommend you check out.

#jiho.video #nct 24th member #nct addition #nct fluff #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct female member #nct extra member #nct additional member #kpop!addition #kpop!oc

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link4eva · 3 years

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Kiro’s Collection of Sounds Date Translation [CN]

Hey! Just a couple of things before you begin reading. I don’t actually know Chinese so this translation was done through the power of Google Translate and with help from @keliosyfan. Thank you! 💛

I highly recommend reading the prologue to this date which I’ll link here. It gives some context and has some sweet and spicy moments. 😍 There’s also a phone call that comes before the date which I’ll link here.

This translation contains spoilers for a date that has not yet been released to the English server. If you wish to not be spoiled, please don’t look below the cut.

Hope you enjoy~ 💛

*Spoilers below for future content!*

[First Part]

The moment I opened the car door, unlike the smell of the city, fresh air flooded into my nose.

The air seemed to carry the fragrance of grass, and there were also some hints of wet grass.

Several flat brick houses in the distance were scattered on the hillside, and the smoke from the chimneys was also reflected by the sun with a faint golden light.

Ahead is the end of our journey; a village far away from the noise--

Kiro is currently composing a new song. To add more special elements to it, we are here to collect sounds.

Kiro: Miss Chips, come and help!

The flustered tone brought my thoughts back. I looked behind and saw Kiro getting out of the RV with several pieces of recording equipment.

I quickly hugged the microphone boom on his shoulders in my arms. He stabilized his balance, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Kiro: The air here is so good. I picked a good place.

Kiro: We will definitely find the best sound here!

Kiro: Gogogo!

We picked up the hand-drawn map and started to walk towards the village not far away.

MC: Passing through the small forest ahead, you will reach the elderly lady’s house!

As soon as the voice fell, there was a rustling sound in the grass not far away, accompanied by a few animal noises.

I followed the sound, and a big plump goose appeared in the gap between the grass and walk towards us swayingly.

I don’t know who was blocking the other’s way but we both stopped at the same time.

I couldn’t help thinking of the stories of many people being chased by geese, and my feet involuntarily took a step back.

Kiro: We unexpectedly met the rumoured “Country Bully”; Goose Boss!

It flapped its wings, telling us in a high-pitched manner, “Don’t mess with me!”

*Can confirm. Geese, especially Canadian geese, are hella vicious. They will just stand there and 👁👁. If you stare long enough, they’ll start honking and flapping their wings at you. They’re cute though!*

Kiro: Hahaha, it’s really as fierce as the ones in the video.

Kiro looked at Big Goose curiously and didn’t seem to realize the “crisis-ridden” situation at hand. I couldn’t help pulling on his sleeves.

MC: Let’s take a detour, just in case….

Before I could finish, there was another noise coming from the grass.

A few goslings poked their heads out. They are like yellow pompoms, and their eyes are looking at us steadily.

Kiro: Hey~ *The way he said this was so cute!*

He spoke softly, bent down and waved.

Immediately afterwards, the goslings wandered over with wobbly feet, trying to climb on his calf again and again.

Kiro couldn’t help laughing. He put down his luggage, sat down and carefully touched the goose.

Kiro: Hello, future Goose Boss~

[Second Part]

After a while, one of the goslings flapped its wings and struggled to climb to the toe of Kiro’s shoes while making a soft sound.

Kiro: Little guy, do you want me to hug you? *He’s talking so softly here 🥺*

The gosling seemed to understand what he meant by spreading its tiny wings and shaking its body.

Kiro gently held it up, looking at the little life in his palms without blinking.

Kiro: Miss Chips, would you like to come closer?

MC: Ok!

I just took a step when the ‘Goose Boss” in front of me gave a more threatening honk than before, and it rushed towards us with its neck thrust forward.

MC: ….Be careful!

Kiro quickly put down the goose in his hand steadily, but it was too late to dodge the collision of the Big Goose.

The moment the Big Goose pounced on him, he opened his arms and held the Big Goose in his arms.

“Goose Boss” was stunned for a second, then spread its wings again and his long beak approached his cheek.

Kiro smiled without worry. He stretched out his palm to cover the goose’s head and gently pet it.

Kiro: Don’t be afraid, don’t be angry. I won’t hurt you. *Changed some wording*

The Big Goose shrank its neck somewhat resisting and honked a few times in protest, but Kiro still stroked it without letting go.

Kiro: We can be good friends, right?

His voice seemed to have magical power, and the Big Goose gradually quieted down. Its menacing wings also retracted.

It leaned lightly on his shoulder and squinted its eyes in content.

Kiro smiled and hugged the Big Goose and couldn’t help rubbing its white head a few more times.

Suddenly, the young goose at his feet wailed as if hungry, and the Big Goose immediately spread out its wings and jumped out of Kiro’s arms.

It gently combed the feathers on the goslings and then swaggered away with them.

Kiro smiled crookedly and waved his arms.

Kiro: Goodbye, Goose Boss~

Watching them disappear gradually, Kiro stood up and rubbed the mud off of his body.

MC: Unexpectedly, the frightening Big Goose gave in to the “head pats”~ *This came out weird in GT so I changed this part up a bit*

Kiro: Of course, no one can resist “head pats”.

MC: Are you the same?

Kiro walked towards me, lowered his head and shook it.

Kiro: Miss Chips, would you like to try it too?

The curly blond hair swayed gently in the breeze as he shook, seemingly sending me the most sincere invitation.

It looked so soft and vibrant under the sun, I couldn’t help rubbing it a few times.

Kiro: Well….it’s true.

He immediately wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his head into my neck and shoulder.

Kiro: I am like a big goose now. I don’t want to leave anymore.

His warm cheeks were close to my collarbone, and a sudden rush of heat quietly reached the tips of my ears.

I didn’t know if he could hear my accelerating heartbeat. He raised his head and looked at me with pure blue eyes.

The next second, a hand fell on top of my head and rubbed it.

When I didn’t react, a sly smile raised at the corner of his mouth.

Kiro: Now it’s your turn.

He opened his arms and seemed to be waiting for me to pounce into his arms.

MC: ….Let’s hurry up and get to the elderly lady’s house!

I pretended to glare at him and walked forward with a chuckle.

But even if I speed up my pace, it seems that I can’t hide the sound of my heart beating like a drum.

(Cut to elderly lady’s house)

Soon we arrived at elderly lady’s house.

She is the person who is most familiar with the mountains and forests in the entire village. After she learned that we need to collect sounds, she enthusiastically introduced us to many places here.

After we gave her a greeting gift that we had prepared a while back, she took us to the backyard.

Although I heard many things about this lady’s backyard filled with a sea of flowers; after seeing it with my own eyes, it was even better than I had imagined--

Clusters of slender branches are adorned with flowers of different varieties. Large painting-like flowers rippled with the wind, setting off a “wave”.

I closed my eyes and the wonderful sounds around me continued to interweave, entangle, and overlap, as if playing a song.

I turned my head to look at Kiro and found that he had also closed his eyes.

The sunlight gleamed on the side of his face and the corners of his lips curled up as if greedily taking everything in around him.

Against the background of the sea of flowers, all the light and colours are gathering towards him, becoming extremely dazzling.

I don’t know if he felt my gaze but he opened his eyes and looked at me.

Kiro: Miss Chips, are you ready to move into our Flower Sea View Room?

(Cut to room)

We walked into the cabin. Although the space was not large, it was very tidy. Some flower buds had even bloomed, filling the cabin with life.

MC: It’s really nice here and the scenery is pleasant. And along the way, it was very quiet because there were no people around!

MC: This way, you don’t have to worry about being interrupted, and you can do what you want without any restraint.

Kiro: With no restraint?

Before the words finished, he raised a lazy smile and dragged me into his arms. Our center of gravity was thrown off at the same time and we fell on the soft bed.

I stared at Kiro above me in a daze. He pushed some hair on my face away, leaving an itchy feeling.

Kiro: Then I have a lot of things I want to do….

Kiro: You will cooperate with me, right?

His breath was so breathy and soft, it made the tips of my ears turn red instantly.

MC: If it is a reasonable thing….of course I will cooperate.

Kiro: Let’s rest for a while.

He fell on the bed and hugged me tightly, leaving only a small gap for us to breathe freely.

Kiro: Before collecting sounds, let’s be lazy. But not too much~

[Third Part]

After the afternoon nap, Kiro and I walked into the mountains with our equipment and started the official sound-collecting trip.

Seeing the porcelain doll originally placed in the RV hung on his backpack, I couldn’t help but be a little surprised. He seemed to see my doubts and shook his backpack.

Kiro: It is the main character of this song, and I want to take it and set off.

Kiro: I believe that everyone listening will be moved by it. *Changed some wording*

Kiro: Creation is like a kind of communication. The creator just tells us what the character wants and does it another way.

Kiro: So since it is going to find the “fragments” that have been lost, this doll cannot be absent from the process.

Kiro lowered his eyes and gently rubbed the porcelain doll with his fingertips. I couldn’t help holding his hand.

MC: So have you figured out what sound you want to collect?

Kiro: Of course….I’m collecting all of the beautiful sounds.

Kiro: There are always people experiencing unsatisfactory things, I want to use these sounds to awaken the beautiful memories that are not noticed by them.

His earnest words can’t help but remind me that each of his songs seems to bring light and power to everyone.

MC: Then I have to make a contribution and prick up my little ears to find the sound!

Kiro looked at me and raised his brows slightly.

Kiro: Miss Chips, do you know?

Kiro: In fact, in some special circumstances, you can let the sound actively find you.

MC: Really, how do we do that?

Kiro: Such as….

He pressed the corners of his lips, his eyes closed, and then a warm touch pressed against my ears.

Kiro: I am the “sound” that will come to your door. *It took everything in me to keep to the original as much as possible. My mind went many places 😳*

Kiro: Whenever Miss Chips gets bored or misses me, I will be the first thing to pop into your ears. *HIS VOICE IS SO BREATHY AND LOW AAAAAAHHHH*

I couldn’t help but tremble and my heart was beating wildly.

MC: You….!

He tilted his head, smirking like a little devil.

Kiro: I seem to hear a special heartbeat.

I realized that I had accidentally fallen into his “trap” and had to blush and ran forward.

MC: There seems to be a sound in front of me. Let me go and take a look!

(Cut to spring)

Kiro and I walked forward slowly and the sounds from the distance before became clearer and clearer--

The gurgling clear spring faintly made the sound of water colliding with the stones, and the crisp birdsong in the sky also flew near and above.

Kiro put in his earphones and walked forward softly.

He bends down for a while and stretches his hands in front of him; he raises his arms high again as if he is adjusting his posture following the bird’s path.

The sun shines through the gaps in the leaves, through the mist in the forest, and poured a little bit onto him, creating a beautiful aperture.

Looking at Kiro like this, I was subconsciously drawn in.

It seemed that whenever he was immersed in the world of sound, his expression would become extremely pure and profound.

There is a sense of keenness in his eyebrows, but the curvature of the corners of his mouth never fell.

He is very happy.

Thinking of this, I smiled to myself.

Suddenly, he walked up to me, took out the earphones and gently put them in my ears.

Kiro: Listen with earphones; you will find many unexpected nuances.

Following his whispers, the natural sounds around me rushed into my ears like a spring.

The sound in the earphones seems to be completely different from the sound heard by human ears at ordinary times--

The sounds of birds, cicadas, springs, and the wind brushing leaves are more delicate and clearer than usual.

These pure sounds are usually drowned out by the sounds of the city.

Kiro: How do you like it?

MC: I think these sounds have become a song….

Kiro looked into the distance with a serene smile in his eyes.

Kiro: They are original songs created by nature.

Hearing this, I quickly took off one of the earphones and put it in his ear.

MC: The let’s listen for a while~

I leaned against Kiro’s body, quietly feeling the “music” in the earphones.

The sounds around me kept flowing and flowing into my ears. I couldn’t help but close my eyes and imagine the invisible scenes one by one--

The leaves fell on the ground with the wind and the fish flipped in the stream with splashes, water droplets falling from a height….

These sounds automatically filled the picture inside my mind, drawing every detail. I couldn’t help but laugh softly.

Kiro: MC, what are you laughing at?

I opened my eyes and found that he had seemed to have been looking at me the whole time.

MC: I was just imagining the scenes of these sounds and I thought that the experience this time was amazing.

MC: I haven’t finished yet, why are you laughing!

I said, poking at the corner of his raised mouth.

Kiro: Because I found myself thinking the same thing as you.

Kiro: So I can’t help but feel…. very, very happy.

Suddenly, a ray of sunlight seemed to pierce through the clouds and shoot straight down, making the surroundings shine brightly.

Even the porcelain doll hanging on Kiro’s backpack was shining brilliantly.

[Fourth Part]

As it was getting late, Kiro and I were passing by the small pool in the backyard with a “full load” when he suddenly stopped.

MC: What’s happening?

Kiro glanced at the pool next to him, his eyes flickering slightly.

Kiro: MC, do you want to cool down?

Although my clothes weren’t soaked, the sweat from my forehead kept coming.

I looked at the cold pool and couldn’t help nodding.

We put down the equipment in our hands, turned on the hose and walked towards the pool.

He sat down by the pool first and then stretched out his hand to me.

I thought he was going to help me sit down but I didn’t expect him to gently pull me to sit on his lap.

Kiro: There is mud on the ground. Sit with me.

As if guessing what I would do next, he wrapped his arms around my waist and tightened them.

MC: I’m….I’m not afraid of getting dirty.

I blushed and retorted but did not continue to struggle. My feet splashed the water gently.

The water splash sounded continuously and it blended into the surrounding cicadas seamlessly--

This is the sound of summer.

I couldn’t help but lean my head on his shoulder and the porcelain doll was reflected by the moonlight in the corner of my eye.

Thinking of its story, I couldn’t help but feel something in my heart and spoke slowly.

MC: This porcelain doll may represent a lot of people. Despite being “broken”, it felt that it was not a big deal.

MC: But over time, more and more cracks in the body began to make it incomplete….

MC: When I think about it, it must feel empty.

Kiro lowered his head, his breath lightly brushed my cheek.

He looked at me quietly, his eyes seemed to be mixed with inexplicable emotions.

MC: However, I’m not worried about this situation!

MC: Because I have you, Kiro.

MC: Whenever I encounter problems in life and work, I will face them more positively as much as possible.

MC: Because of you, I am not afraid of anything.

I couldn’t help laughing and there was a little splash on my feet.

Kiro: Mm, Miss Chips has me.

Kiro: I hope you are always happy.

His tone was with undeniable certainty and a warm current suddenly surged in my heart.

MC: However, Kiro, you also have me.

MC: I will also make you happy forever and ever.

Kiro looked at me deeply and suddenly widened his eyes slightly as if thinking of something.

Kiro: I seem to have a new idea!

He raised the corners of his mouth and hummed a brisk melody on the spot.

MC: Is this your new song? It seems different from the demo before.

Different from the soothing tune before, the melody this time is light and free; as soft as lying on a cloud.

Kiro: Because MC has changed it.

MC: Eh, how did I change it?

Kiro wrapped his arms around me tightly again and looked at me softly.

Kiro: Before, I wanted to awaken some of the beautiful memories that people hadn’t noticed and retrieve the lost goodness.

Kiro: But there are actually more powerful ideas than this, like a porcelain doll, for example.

Kiro: Even if it doesn’t get its lost fragments back, it can still use the leaves, petals and grass that pass by to complete itself again--

Kiro: It can have a new ending in the future!

Kiro looked straight at me, his eyes full of stars.

Kiro: In fact, we can also re-decorate with the beauty around us and become who we are now.

Kiro: Just like how you have been by my side, I became the current Kiro.

Kiro: When I am happy, you turn it into double happiness. When I am tired, you will be my power bank. When I’m frustrated….

Kiro: You are the reason that I won’t fall down.

Kiro: I accepted all the “fragments” you gave me and became my current self; a better Kiro.

Each word he spoke pulled my heartstrings inadvertently.

MC: Kiro….

Before I finished speaking, there was a sound of water pouring coming from the hose.

I don’t know why the hose was still trickling just now. A large amount of water came gushing out of it and began to dance in the air.

Kiro and I couldn’t avoid getting most of our bodies soaked and he hurriedly reached out to hold the hose in a panic.

Just as Kiro had grasped it, the hose sprayed me.

I instinctively turned my head and threw myself into Kiro’s arms, but my lips brushed against something soft.

I immediately lowered my head and buried it in his neck.

Kiro: What’s wrong? Why is your face suddenly hot?

MC: It’s nothing. It’s just a bit hot.

Suddenly, his chest trembled slightly, as if he has seen through my cover and was trying his best to hide a laugh.

Kiro: Oh~ So that’s the case. Let me cool you down.

As soon as the voice fell, he raised the hose in his hand and pointed it at me at a relatively safe distance.

The jet of water brushed my ears, bringing a comfortable icy coolness.

Kiro: Is it cooler now?

I subconsciously looked away and responded to him in somewhat of a daze.

MC: Okay, much better, thank you!!

Kiro: Now that you’ve said thank you, can I ask for another reward?

MC: ….What do you want?

Kiro: I want Miss Chips to replicate the moment with me before.

He seemed to be deliberately reminding me that he was very close to me, his hot breath blew from the tip of his nose.

I stared at him blankly and finally looked at his lips.

My thoughts flooded like a tide, and my lips suddenly became a little hot.

MC: You are shameless….!

Kiro: No, I’m asking for it honestly.

Seeing him blinking his eyes cheekily, I wanted to laugh.

MC: Well….

I took a deep breath, held his face and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

In the next second, a jet of water splashed my ears--

Kiro: That one just now doesn’t count. Do it again.

MC: Kiro!

As soon as the voice fell, he touched the tip of my nose, his eyes locked onto my face.

Kiro: I want more than that.

His soft voice crept into my ears, leaving traces of tickling.

Kiro: Those lost fragments….

Kiro: Let me fill them in for you.

After he finished speaking, he closed his eyes and my lips were instantly covered by a soft touch. His breath is sweet, like a fruit gummy.

He seemed to pour out all the hidden emotions that he couldn’t express out into this kiss, which was long and uncontrollable.

I also close my eyes and responded softly. In fact, I still have a lot to say.

I want to tell him--

Actually, you have done more for me.

You have brought light to me, and you have made me more courageous to look forward to a better future.

Because of you, I gradually became a better version of myself.

End

The call that comes after the date can be found here!

#mlqc #mr love queens choice #mlqc spoilers #mr love dream date #mldd #mr love #mr love game #mlqc kiro #mr love kiro #mldd kiro #周棋洛 #date translation #I'M SO PROUD OF MC!!! SHOW YOUR MAN SOME LOVING!!!#HE DESERVES IT!!#I really enjoyed this date #It was a perfect mix of all the flavours of Kiro

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jaehyunspeachparty · 4 years

Text

daddy jaehyun

iv.xlviii. Jaehyun’s working day (a)

a/n: Hey, I’m back. After a break I feel now better to write again and let me say one thing I MISSED YOU GUYS ❤ the last weeks were pretty hard for me and I no room in my head to write. But now I had a new idea and I want to be back. And I’m also thinking about to make a discord channel to talk with you guys about the story and other Jaehyun things (for example his dramas). What do you think about it? ❤

4 am For Jaehyun, work was on his plan and the filming for the new drama started again. He always had to leave early and didn't come home until very late. In the morning the twins were still with you because you had to breastfeed Kiwoo. Most of the time you pick them up at 4 a.m. and they were with you for a while. Jaehyun especially enjoyed this time. Kiwoo was on his chest and he knew he had to go. Every time it was a struggle for him to leave the house. He wanted to put his youngest son with you very slowly but he immediately began to cry. Kiwoo already knew that his father would go and he knew that he would not see him for a very long time. "Don't cry, I'll try to be back soon." He knew it was a lie. The work took longer and longer and he felt guilty. "Kiwoo please ..." When he took the boy back to himself, he calmed down again. Jaehyun was torn, he was already too late for work. But as soon as he moved away from his son, Kiwoo began to cry again. At some point you notice this back and forth and you turn to him sleepily. "Hey, give him to me." You stretch out your arms and lay your boy on your chest. Kiwoo was now calm again and looked at you excitedly. "Thank you. I love you," he said, kissed you and quickly left the house.

6 am It was really difficult for Jaehyun to work without his children. He hated being gone for so long and had the guilty conscience of failing as a father. "Hey, are you okay?", Minu, his co-actress, asked him and smiled gently. She noticed that he was absent and could hardly be spoken to. "Yeah .... Kiwoo just lies with me every morning and he cries every time I leave him .... It's really not easy every morning right now." Jaehyun sighed and took a sip of his coffee. "Kiwoo is your youngest son, isn't he?" She asked and Jaehyun nodded. "Yeah, actually it's Geon, but they are twins. Kiwoo came first, half an hour later Geon." He had to smile when he thought of the time when they were so little. They were so tiny and looked so inhuman when they were born. Still, they had grown so well and he always wondered how these two boys had room in your belly. "Wow, your wife must have done a lot," said Minu and smiled. "Yes, she really gave everything with all of our children." It hit Jaehyun even more that he cannot be with you. The weather was so nice and he would have loved to go out with Miga and Sunoh and they could have romped around at the playground. "I would really like to get to know her and your family," Minu says, but Jaehyun didn't find the idea that exciting. "Minu, that's not personal, but we're playing a couple in the drama and my wife doesn't think it's great that we kiss several times. I really want to separate my professional and private life." Jaehyun looked at her a little worried, but Minu nodded. "No problem, is understandable." But she got up immediately and left the room.

9 am During his first break, Jaehyun called you right away. He wanted to know whether Kiwoo was happy again and whether everyone else was fine. "We're having breakfast," you say, and put the iPad on the table so that Jaehyun could see everyone on video. "Mummyyyyy .... juice!" Sunoh stretched out his arms and you got him something to drink. "What do we say when we want something?" You look at your son admonishingly. "Pleaseeeeee." Sunoh's eyes widened and Jaehyun had to laugh. He was happy, if only digitally, to be a part of it. "Have you already filmed?" You ask him and now sit down at the table. "No, I was only in the mask so far. I'll wait that they call me." Jaehyun glanced to the side and made sure that he still had time. "Dada?" Geon suddenly looked up at you, recognizing his father's voice. "Yes! There is Dada!" You point to the screen where Jaehyun waved. "Good morning Geon." When the boy heard his father's voice, he began to squeak with joy. "Yes, you are happy." You brush his hair aside and smile. "And how is Kiwoo doing?" Jaehyun still felt guilty from the morning. "Kiwoo is fine. He's taking a nap. Don't worry." You knew he was sad because Jaehyun struggled with it every morning. "I just want to be with you." Jaehyun was really sad because he knew that there would be a few more days of shooting. "You'll be back with us very soon. We can do it." You also try to be positive, even if it was difficult for you too. "Jaehyun, you have to get to the set now." One of the staff came into his room and Jaehyun had to leave. "Okay, I have to work. I love you all," he said quickly before hanging up.

12 am Jaehyun didn't like the scene he was supposed to play today. It was a romantic scene where he and Minu were comfortably sitting on the couch, arm in arm. But it felt so wrong that the woman in his arms and chest wasn't you. "Yes, because I love you," Jaehyun acted, trying his best, but the team wasn't happy. "What's going on today? Jaehyun, every potato could show more love than you do today," said the director and sighed. "I know, I know ... let's do it again." Jaehyun sat up and put his arm around Minu again. She snuggled up against him and he was amazed at how well she was acting because it felt so real with her. "Yes, because I love you." He looked down at her and she looked at him with wide eyes. "Yes?" "Yes!" He stared at her and her face slowly came closer. It wasn't a kissing scene yet, he knew that, but he already felt like he was cheating on you. "Am I bothering you with something?" The third actress was added, who played Minu's roommate. "And CUT!" The director then shouted and rolled his eyes. "Jaehyun! That was a disaster. With music and light we can still manage it, but I hope the next scenes will be better." Jaehyun felt bad on both sides now. "I'm sorry. I'll do better." He bowed his head and hoped the day would pass quickly.

3 pm When Jaehyun later looked at his phone, he saw a few photos Miga sent him from your phone. He had to laugh because Miga was having a lot of fun with her brothers and he also knew that you must be angry that she wasn't doing her homework. "The twins already look so big," said the hairdresser, who often accompanied Jaehyun for shows or dramas. "Yes, I can watch them grow." Jaehyun laughed and looked at the photos. "When my son was born, it seemed to me that every time I slept, he just grew two inches." The hairdresser smiled and showed then also a photo of her son. But before Jaehyun could say anything, Minu came in. "Hey Jaehyun." She sat down on the table in front of him and grinned. "Hi Minu, is there anything?", Jaehyun asked surprised, but she shook her head. "No, I'm on break right now." She grinned and slowly rocked her legs. "Oh ... okay. Have you already eaten?", He asked surprised and Minu started to giggle. "You care about me! Yes, I've already eaten." Jaehyun was a bit surprised by her statement and her suddenly childlike behavior, so that he was quite embarrassed. "Um ... very good ..." he stuttered, but the hairdresser can no longer listen to it. "I have to blow dry Mr. Jung now." And before Minu could say anything, she switched on the loud hair dryer. Minu looked at her in surprise and waited a little longer, but the hairdresser took her time, so that Jaehyun's scalp burned a little. At some point Minu understood that it would take even longer and left the room again. "I know, I'll be the last to say that ..." The hairdresser switched off the hairdryer and gave Jaehyun a serious look. "But this girl is the devil." She sighed and hoped she had no regrets. "What?" Asked Jaehyun and was quite surprised. "Just that she's not that nice otherwise ..." She pressed her lips together and then quickly ran away.

8pm When Jaehyun looked at his phone, he saw that Sunoh and Miga had already wished him good night. He had missed their calls again because the filming had taken much longer. His feelings of guilt grew to infinity and he didn't know how long he could endure it. He packed his things and hoped that he would make it home in time, that he could at least talk to you a little longer. "Jaehyun." Minu suddenly jumped in front of him and grinned. Jaehyun was just tired and wanted to go home. He didn't mean to be rude, but Minu was particularly stressful today. "Minu?" He asked surprised and held his car key tight. "Me and some of the grew going to have another drink. Would you like to come with us?" "I'm sorry, I'm hardly home and I have to drive home for at least an hour." "You can sleep at my place. I have a guest room", she suggested and Jaehyun stroked his forehead. "Minu, I'm really sorry. But I have babies at home who don't have a sleep schedule and a woman I would still like to see, unfortunately I don't have time for that." Jaehyun sounded stricter than expected, but he was tired, stressed, and plagued with guilt. "I'm ... so-so sorry." Her eyes were glassy and she looked like she was about to cry. "Minu ... it wasn't meant badly. The day was hard today ... I'm sorry ..." Jaehyun tried to clarify everything, because he didn't need any stress at work either. "No, I'm sorry. Have a nice evening with your wife." She then suddenly smiled and then turned around. Jaehyun was totally surprised for a moment, but he didn't want to waste any more thought. He got into his car and drove off.

10 pm You sleep already, but only lightly because you could never sleep well if Jaehyun was not with you. The TV light was still flickering because you needed some kind of noise that was in the background. But then the door opened and Jaehyun finally came to you. "I'm sorry I was so late. It was a construction site on the freeway and then a traffic jam ... I'll take another route tomorrow." He looked at you sadly, but you don't say anything and just kiss him. You were just happy to have him with you, to feel him, to smell him. You hug him as tightly as you could and never wanted to let go of him. "I missed you so much ..." he mumbled into your neck. But something about his voice worried you. You look at him and see how his eyes were red and glassy. "Jaehyun ... is everything okay?", You ask him worried and stroke his cheek. "No ..." He bowed his head because he didn't want you to see him like that. He didn't want you to have to worry about him too. "Jaehyun ... I can see that you are not doing well." But the few hours that he had with you he didn't want to talk to you about all of this. "Can we just lie there and just cuddle?" He asked, looking at you with puppy eyes. You weren't sure because you don't want him to suppress his feelings. But he looked so exhausted and talking about his feelings can be very exhausting. "Okay ..." you say gently and stroke his back.

daddy jaehyun masterlist

#jaehyun #daddy jaehyun #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun jung #jaehyun angst #nct #nct 127 #nct 2020 #nct u fluff #nct u #nct angst #jaehyun fluff #nct fluff #nct 127 fluff #nct 127 angst

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journalxxx · 3 years

Text

By Hook or by Crook (2)

May 1st, 2270

“Hello, Izuku.” “Hi, dad.” Izuku hadn’t exactly been dreading this conversation, but he hadn’t been looking forward to it either. He’d hoped his mom would do all the talking, having to break the news to his friends had been hard enough. For him. Most of them seemed to have gotten quite the kick out of it. “How are you? Your mother told me you’ve been having a rough couple of weeks.” “Mh.” “Still upset over that visit?” “Mh.” “Speak, son. Sulking doesn’t translate well over the phone.” His father chided gently.

Izuku sighed. “The doctor said I’m never going to get a quirk. I’m sorry.” “Whatever for? It’s not like you have any choice in the matter. Quirks are innate, surely you know that.” “Yes, I do.” Izuku said, staring at the paused frame of All Might’s debut video on the computer screen. The reflection of his own miserable face was superimposed with the triumphant silhouette of the hero. “But I’m sorry anyway. You have such a cool quirk… and mom’s useful too. I could become a great hero with one of them, but I’m never going to get any.” “Again, that’s none of your fault. And I wouldn’t be so sure of that anyway.” “Uh?” Izuku gulped, gripping the phone tightly. “Y-you don’t think I’d make a good hero?” “No, that’s not what I mean.” His father chuckled. “I mean that I wouldn’t lose hope just yet. You’re very young, there’s still plenty of time for your quirk to manifest.” “But the doctor said that all quirks appear before one is four years old. And I’m four. And I have the extra toe joint-” “Tsk! Some doctor they assigned you. As if one could unerringly guess the nature and development of something as unpredictable as a quirk with a single test. An x-ray, of all things. Ancient technology.” “The doctor said there was a study...” “I have an extra toe joint too, you know.” Izuku’s father laughed hearing his son’s surprised gasp. “Studies like the one your doctor mentioned draw conclusions based on the analysis of hundreds, thousands of cases. Those conclusions may hold true for the majority of them, but there are always outliers. Having that oh-so-precious joint and a quirk is indeed rare, but not unheard of.” “B-But…” Izuku’s eyes burned with the feeling of impending tears. He hadn’t expected his father’s reaction to be like this. No one had even remotely doubted the validity of the doctor’s opinion. No one. It almost hurt to hope. “I’m also too old…” “My own quirk didn’t show until I was… fifteen? Maybe sixteen. Way older than you are, anyway. Another important point to consider, don’t you think?” Izuku sniffled. Then cried, quietly. His father remained silent as the boy let the tears flow freely, wiping them on his arm now and then. There was a tangled ball of emotions deep in his chest, that he couldn’t quite unravel. After a couple of minutes though, the sobs abated and he felt better. Better than he had been feeling before his mom handed him the phone. “...Do you really think the doctor was wrong?” “You shouldn’t believe everything doctors tell you. My personal physician keeps calling me ‘the peak of biological and anthropological evolution’, but that’s because he’s been fishing for a raise for years. Clearly you’d expect a Darwinian champion to be able to walk under the sun without protection for more than five minutes without turning into a peeling tomato.” “Uh? Does that really happen to you?” “Didn’t your mother ever tell you that I’m albino? My skin is very sensitive to sunlight, and it burns easily. I have atrocious eyesight too.” “I didn’t know that.” Izuku winced in sympathy. “I’m sorry. That sounds terrible.” “Not nearly as much as you think. I have plenty of skills and tools at my disposal to compensate. It isn’t an inconvenience at all these days, although it did cause me some grief when I was a child.” His father’s tone got softer. “Sometimes it does feel like our bodies are our own worst enemies, doesn’t it?” Izuku hummed in assent, very much agreeing with the sentiment. “I’m happy it doesn’t hurt you any more.” “And I’m glad you didn’t inherit this nuisance from me.” A sudden thought made its unwelcome way in Izuku’s head. “If… If I didn’t inherit your skin and eyes… maybe I won’t inherit your quirk either…” “Izuku.” His father’s tone was kind but firm. There were times when his presence, even just through his voice, felt way more real and solid than that of many people Izuku habitually shared a room with. “Your ability will emerge one day, I’m positive of that. Just give it time and don’t agonize over it.” Izuku nodded, even though he realized that wouldn’t translate well over the phone either. “...Okay.” “Now, what else have you been up to in this past month, other than brooding over a criminally incompetent diagnosis?” Not much, honestly, but Izuku told him anyway. As he kept chatting, his heart grew lighter than it had been in weeks. Mom did always say that his father was a good listener.

July 1st, 2272 “They were talking about it on TV yesterday. It’s an old incident from some years ago, before All Might met Nighteye!” “I see...” “Not many people know about it, because there’s no villain involved, and villains make all the stories more interesting! But it’s a great story nonetheless!” Izuku rattled on enthusiastically, taking advantage of his father’s unresponsive compliance. “Uh-huh...” “So this boy was having some big troubles, I think, and he jumped into a river because he didn’t know what to do about them. But luckily All Might was around! Do you know what he did?” “He offered to cover all the expenses for the years of therapy the boy would need afterwards?” “Uh… They didn’t say that on TV. I don’t know. I think he just rescued him from the river.” “That doesn’t seem to address the underlying problem.” His father commented icily. “Daaad, you’re ruining the story.” Izuku chided him. “Anyway, the funny part is that this boy had a quirk that could turn water into vinegar, and he activated it in a panic while he was drowning.” “Mh. A peculiar quirk...” “So All Might got all drenched in vinegar when he dove in to save him. He made this very silly face in front of the cameras, it was great! And when the boy apologized for causing trouble, guess what All Might told him?” “I’m sorry I’m the living embodiment of this unfair, hypocritical society that has driven you to the brink of despair?” “No. He said,” Izuku continued, breezing past his father’s petty remarks with practiced ease, “It is I who should thank you. My skin’s looking ten years younger now.” “Oh my God…” The man groaned, and a loud thunk-crash noise accompanied his words. “Oh, come on!” Izuku giggled, covering his mouth with his free hand. “It’s so funny!” “Just because they’re called ‘dad jokes’ doesn’t mean I’m legally obligated to laugh at them.” “But it is funny! All Might’s the funniest! Did you know that he just wrote a joke book? It’s called All Might’s Gags and Jokes: A Compendium. It already has amazing reviews! They say it’s warm and relatable and cy.. cyclical…” “He wrote a joke book. A veritable Renaissance man, this one...” His father muttered. Izuku heard something clink in the background. Probably the pieces of whatever his father dropped. “Mom says she’ll buy it for my birthday!” Izuku added, swinging his whole body on his chair in sheer excitement. “That is such a poor use of your remittance. I’ll need to have a couple of words with her…” “It’s for my education!” Izuku enunciated with solemnity, straightening his posture. “There’s a whole chapter of American puns and word plays! It will help me learn English!” “If you want to learn English on your own so soon, please choose a decent source. Start with basic grammar and alphabet books, watch some subtitled shows and movies to get the hang of the correct pronunciation-” “I’m learning a lot from All Might already! The catchphrase he used when he was in college in California was I am here! When he’s surprised, he says Oh my goodness! When he doesn’t believe something, he says Nonsense!” Izuku parroted, taking great care of imitating All Might’s confident, surprised and disbelieving expressions respectively. They would be lost on his father, but he needed to practice them anyway. “If that’s a good American accent, I’m the next Symbol of Peace.” “Dad.” Izuku said, suddenly very serious. He had a very important question to ask, and it had been a long time coming. “Why do you always make fun of him? It’s like… It’s almost like you don’t like him at all.” The words sounded so wrong he almost wasn’t brave enough to say them. Izuku would have been mortified if anyone had moved such an accusation on him. “I suppose he has a sort of… charisma about him.” His father admitted ruefully. “I can’t say it strikes any chords with me though.” “Are you just jealous of him?” Izuku asked shrewdly. “Kacchan also talks a lot of trash about All Might, but it’s obvious he’s just jealous. It’s all right if you are, though, I mean, he’s so-” “I’m this close to hanging up, Izuku.” “But- but how can you not like All Might?! Everyone likes All Might! Boys and girls, children and grown-ups! From age 0 to 100!” “...I guess I just don’t fit the target demographic then.” Izuku huffed. “You’re so boring, dad.” “Says the one who’s been talking my ear off about the same topic for the last forty minutes.” The boy frowned, nibbling at his lip. “...Sorry. Am I annoying you?” “I’ll admit I may have hit my monthly tolerance limit of All Might trivia. Don’t worry about it though.” Izuku did in fact stop worrying, his father’s amusement clearly detectable in his voice. “I think I’ll be able to bear with your unabashed enthusiasm until you hit your mandatory disillusioned teenage phase. Then we’ll see if that obnoxiously cheery act of his will still resonate with you.”

June 2nd, 2274 “His normal body temperature is about two degrees higher than the average. Around 38-39 °C.” “And what can you deduce from that?” Izuku’s father goaded. The boy stared at the scribbles in his notebook in deep thought. “Uhm… that it’s difficult to tell if he has a fever or not?” His father laughed, but not unkindly. “I wouldn’t think so. You just said yourself that that is his normal temperature. Therefore, I wouldn’t call Endeavor’s doctor unless his thermometer read more than 39.5 °C, probably.” “Right.” Izuku nodded. That was obvious, wasn’t it? Why hadn’t he understood that on his own? His father didn’t seem to mind his blunder though. “Try again.” “I think…” Izuku’s eyes were just about to bore a hole into his rough sketch of the hero’s costume. He gave up after the silence started to make him uncomfortable though. “...I don’t know. What can I deduce from that?” “Hm… You did bring up an interesting point. Do you know how fever works, Izuku?” “Yeah. Your body temperature rises when you’re sick. If it rises too much, you can get in serious trouble, you could even die. It never really gets that bad though.” “But why does it rise? What does your body accomplish by doing that?” “Uh…” Izuku frowned. He was sure he’d read or heard something about that, but the details escaped him at the moment. “To help you fight off the sickness, right? You feel worse at first, but it actually helps you get better.” “Exactly. Most bacteria and viruses that infect men thrive and multiply optimally at around 37 °C, which is the average person’s normal body temperature. But the growth of these microorganisms is hindered when the environment gets too hot. That is the principle that makes fever useful for humans. As your body gets hotter, it debilitates the invasors, so that your immune system can remove them more easily.” “..Oh.” It was a pity that his father called him only once a month, Izuku could have easily listened to him for hours every day. He always had so many interesting things to say about so many different subjects, and he always exposed them so neatly. “So. Can you deduce anything new now?” “Uh, uhm… He… I guess he...” Izuku snapped out of his reverie. Right, this was a conversation, not a lesson. He went over the new information in his head as quickly as he could. Higher temperature than normal... Fever... Microorganisms... Immune syst- Oh! “He heals quicker than- no, wait! He doesn’t get sick at all! Because he’s always too hot for the microorganisms! They can’t grow in his body!” “Excellent reasoning!” His father’s warm praise made Izuku’s chest swell with pride. “Obviously he isn’t completely immune to any and all infections, there are lots of exceptions to the mechanism I just explained to you. But yes, I do believe it’s safe to assume that our esteemed Flame Hero suffers from the occasional seasonal maladies far less often than the general population, if at all.” “That’s so cool…” Izuku immediately added the new data to his notes, almost breaking the tip of the pencil in his enthusiasm. “Is that what you wanted me to deduce? Or did you explain that just because I brought up the fever thing?” “I was actually thinking of something else. But, on second thought, it may be too technical a topic for an eight-year-old.” “...Can you tell me about it anyway?” “Of course.” Izuku would never not be grateful for the patience his father had, never denying him any clarification on anything. He was just about the only adult who never got tired of his questions. Even his mom sometimes hid her fatigue behind a mildly insincere I don’t know. “High heat isn’t exactly conductive to the activity of human cells either. That’s one of the reasons why you feel exhausted and achy when you have a fever, your body struggles to keep doing what it’s supposed to do above its normal temperature range. But Endeavor not only is at peak condition at 39 °C, he can also withstand open flames with a much higher temperature. This suggests that his cells must be fundamentally different from the average person’s on a biochemical level, that his quirk must provide some particularly efficient cellular mechanism to prevent heat damage. One example might be some dedicated enzymes to protect proteins from denaturation, but now I’m entering mere speculation.” A pause. “Did you follow me?” “...Kind of.” Izuku said, kind of lying but not entirely. He had followed most of that. He scrawled and circled a couple of terms he hadn’t grasped - Biochemical - Enzymes - Denaturation - on the page. He didn’t want to waste his father’s time by asking him to explain the meaning of words he could easily look up later on his own. “The gist of it is that Endeavor’s Hellflame has at least two facets. Not only ‘creating fire’, but also ‘not incinerating himself’. The first trait would be a fatal liability without the second.” “Got it!” Izuku cheered. Now that he had understood completely. “You sure know a lot about quirks, dad! Like, a lot! About anything, really!” “For the sake of intellectual honesty, it must be said that it isn’t difficult to impress a primary schooler.” His father laughed. “I’m just older than you.” “How much older?” Izuku asked, realizing for the first time that no one had ever told him his father’s age. “Oh, by a lot. Centuries.” Izuku cackled. “You can’t be that old. You still go to work. Our neighbors are 80 and they’re already retired.” “I do try to keep a youthful outlook on life. But yes, quirks fascinate me quite a bit. And they make for the perfect topic to distract you from your incessant yapping about All Might.” “Speaking of All Might-” “No, I-” His father sighed theatrically. “I just walked into this one, didn’t I?” “Yep.” Izuku grinned. “What about his quirk? Do you know anything about it? He never gives straight answers when people ask him about it…” “That may be the single sign of intelligence he’s ever displayed. The more your enemies know about your quirk, the easier it is for them to find your weaknesses. I’m surprised the other pro heroes aren’t as reserved.” “I wonder why All Might does that, though. His quirk is… pretty obvious.” Izuku pondered. “It just makes him strong. Very strong. Like, the strongest ever. But that’s it.” “Allegedly, yes. But as you noticed yourself, if raw power was all there was to it, there would be no reason to skirt around the issue in interviews, no?” “So there must be something else… What do you think it might be?” “I think it would be no less than cruel to deprive you of the thrill of carrying out your own research.” Izuku let out a dissatisfied moan, and his father chuckled. “You are already so very proficient at it. Your mother told me you’ve already filled a whole notebook with hero and quirk analyses.” “Oh, ehr… It’s just stuff I read here and there��” “Mh, I’ve heard enough of your ‘stuff’ to know that there’s more than random factoids in that head of yours. In fact…” Izuku felt his cheeks warm for the compliment. “I think you’ve gotten old and judicious enough to be trusted with my emergency number.” “Uh? What emergency number?” “It’s a phone number I’ll always answer to, on any day and at any hour, in case you may find yourself in a bad situation. Hopefully you’ll never need it, but better safe than sorry. Now…” His father’s voice raised slightly, drowning out Izuku’s impending interruption. “Can I rely on the fact that you are aware that desperately wanting to tell me that All Might saved a kitten from a meteor does not qualify as an emergency?” Izuku pouted. “I know what an emergency is, dad.” “Good. Ask your mother to give you the number then. Don’t save it on your phone or write it anywhere. Memorize it, and be responsible with it.”

December 3rd, 2275 Sorry for the long silence. I had an accident on the job and I won’t be able to speak clearly for a while. We can talk with the included devices. Use your ring finger to activate them. Usual days, usual hours. Hisashi That short note held the first words Izuku had received from his father in the last five months. The first month he hadn’t phoned, Izuku had felt slightly disappointed, but understanding. His father was a busy man, surely something very important must have been requiring his full-time attention. It was fine, Izuku was confident he could manage to sweet-talk him into a double-length call the following month to make up for that. The second month, he had started to worry. His mother hadn’t heard from his father either. It was unprecedented not to hear from him for such a long time. Since Izuku could remember, his father had never skipped one of their monthly calls. They often talked on the first day of every month, and he kept trying to contact them exactly once each following day if his calls were missed. He never failed to reach them past the third day. He always called from a hidden number, so trying to get hold of him was not an option. The third month, Izuku’s mother had decided to use the emergency number. She hadn’t been able to get through to her husband, but the polite colleague of his who had picked up had reassured her that he was indisposed but overall fine, and would get in touch with them as soon as possible… which could still take a while. Curiously, the coworker had also instructed them to collect a sample of their fingerprints and send them to a specific address. Izuku had been mystified by the request, but his mother had readily agreed, commenting that it was “not the strangest thing Hisashi’s ever asked for”. The silent wait that followed had been a little uneasy, but not harrowing. Izuku and his mother reread the message a couple of times before opening the box they’d just been delivered. Inside were only the two mentioned devices with their respective chargers, snuggled among waterproof packaging and stuffing. They looked very much like ordinary mobile phones, except they had no buttons or ports on any side. Some quick experimentation proved that they could be turned on simply by pressing the indicated finger on the touchscreen. The display showed a very minimalistic chat interface, with a fixed red dot on the top left corner. No amount of tapping on the screen could bring up the virtual keyboard though, which was puzzling. There was no way to access the rest of the phone’s functions, if it even had any. It was the third day of the month, so technically still within the familiar communication window. Izuku kept poking and prodding at the buttonless phone for the whole afternoon until eventually, shortly after dinner, the red dot at the top of the chat became green. A minute later, a message popped up. Hello, Izuku. Izuku almost dropped his cup of hot chocolate in excitement, which was quickly replaced by frustration because he still couldn’t type anything in any way. How was he supposed to- Speak. I can hear you. “...Oh! Nice!” Izuku exclaimed. “Hi, dad! How are you? What happened?” I’ve been better. I got decked by a hysterical ape. Izuku frowned. “That’s not funny. Mom and I were very worried.” That wasn’t really a joke. What? What even- “...How? Did you break into a zoo or something…?” Sorry, you’re right. Let me rephrase. I had a violent disagreement with a brute. “Oh…” Izuku was about to ask for further explanations but he waited. The three bouncing dots at the bottom of the screen signalled that his father was still writing. We will have to communicate like this for a while. I hope it isn’t too much of an inconvenience for you. Judging by how long it took him to type even the shortest messages, Izuku thought it was going to be much more of an inconvenience for his father. He felt sorry for him. “No, not all. Is it… is it really bad? Shouldn’t you come home so we can help you get better? It sounds like you won’t be able to work anyway…” I’ll receive better medical treatment here, and I can still get some work done while I recuperate. Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll recover fully sooner or later. Izuku picked at the lint of his blanket, choosing his words carefully. “You could… come home anyway. Even if you could work. When you’re feeling a little better. So we could spend some time together.” The three bouncing dots reappeared, but Izuku kept talking. He already knew what his father’s answer was going to be, but he wanted to take advantage of the delay to get a few more words in. “Some of my friends have parents that work far from home too. They’re away a lot, but… they do come back to visit sometimes. Usually for the holidays. At least… At least once.” At least his friends had actually met their fathers once in their whole lives, Izuku completed only in his head. You know how things stand. My job doesn’t afford me this kind of free time. “...What do you even do that won’t let you ever do anything?” Izuku muttered, out of sheer petulance. That was another familiar point of contention, to which his father replied with the same, word-for-word justification he always used. Every detail concerning my activities is classified by the government. We’ve been over this. Don’t be childish. And that was usually the end of it. Any further questioning after the ‘classified’ thing invariably turned Izuku’s father into a slippery wall of smooth deflections. But, considering the current situation, Izuku felt like he could get away with a little more nagging, if he played his cards right. “I know you can’t say anything. But how about…” He physically leaned forwards, trying not to let his tension seep through his voice. “How about I try to deduce something? About your job. Just… for fun.” No new message showed up, not even the typing dots. Izuku decided that it was as much of an approval as he was going to get, so he started to voice his thoughts as they formed. “...Your job is classified by the government. So it’s important, very important, so important that other people can’t know about it.” When he was very young, Izuku had obviously interpreted it as irrefutable proof that his father must be some sort of secret agent. He had exposed his conclusion to Kacchan and his gang once. They had… not-so-respectfully disagreed. Izuku had never brought up the matter with them afterwards. “Your note said that you got hurt on the job. So someone you know from work punched you so hard that, even after five months, you still can’t talk well.” Izuku paused. That was… a scary idea. It dawned on him, for the first time since the beginning of this whole ordeal, that his father may have really dodged a bullet there. What kind of a brute could possibly want to injure someone that much…? Surely a criminal… A villain, maybe…? “Your job is dangerous, and it leaves you almost no free time. It also pays well.” That last item was admittedly a shot in the dark, Izuku didn’t really know much about money handling. But he had noticed that his mother never denied him a gift or a treat on the grounds of its cost (his vast collection of All Might memorabilia was a testament to that), like so many of his friends’ relatives were wont to do. She didn’t need a job herself, and Izuku remembered overhearing a conversation she had with Kacchan’s mom where she had said that they were ‘well provided for’. “You know a lot about a lot of stuff, especially about quirks and heroes. You know a lot of things about quirks and heroes that I couldn’t find anywhere on the internet.” Izuku paused, racking his brain for anything else that stuck out. Before he could come up with more points to make, his father finally wrote back. You sure put some thought into this. I’m impressed. The lack of reprimands was an encouragement in its own right. Now came the hard part. These were all facts that he already knew, now he had to put them together… and no matter how much he tried to come up with different possibilities, there was only one explanation that rang true in Izuku’s mind. “Dad… are you some sort of… undercover hero?” Izuku waited with baited breath for the dancing dots to turn into a complete message. Definitely not. ...Aw, shoot. Although I guess I do happen to deal with heroes quite often in my line of work. Izuku gasped. That was the first real piece of information his father had ever shared with him about his job! And wow, he worked with heroes! And whatever support he lent them had to be pretty vital if he was always so busy and tight-lipped. “So you’re like… a policeman? An informant that tracks down villains for the heroes to catch? Or an engineer bound by trade secret? Or-” Enough, Izuku. I’m supposed to be resting. I don’t think being given the third degree by my own son counts as such. Izuku deflated. So close to the truth, and yet so far… Maybe he could manage to get some other clue out of his father later. But… there was one more thing he simply had to ask. “...Have you ever met All Might?” I’m just going to ignore you after this. Well, it had been worth a try. Izuku finally relented, reasonably satisfied with the result of his investigation. “Okay, okay. Sorry. No more questions. And no All Might stuff. Not that I have much to tell you about him. He hasn’t really been around lately.” Hasn’t he, now? Uh, odd. It wasn’t like his father to miss an opportunity to dodge All Might gossip. Izuku supposed there’d be no harm in taking advantage of this atypical spark of curiosity. “Yeah. It’s been like this for a few months. Rumors say he’s abroad, working on some large scale mission. Something very secret, that’s why there are no articles on him in newspapers from other countries either.” I wasn’t aware of this. That’s very interesting. Although I couldn’t imagine anyone less suited to hushed-up operations. Izuku couldn’t help but snort. In light of the recent revelation, he wondered if his father was so unapologetically critical of All Might because he had worked with him and they hadn’t gotten along… which seemed kind of impossible. How could All Might be the unpleasant type of coworker? Or maybe his father really was just jealous because he couldn’t work with All Might often enough. A sudden thought occurred to the boy. “...Sorry, I guess you don’t want to hear about hero stuff now that you’re, uh… on forced vacation.” Actually, I’d love to. I’ve been a little out of the loop lately, I need to catch up with the news anyway. Fire away all the information you have. Izuku smiled. “Even about All Might?” Especially about All Might.

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #izuku midoriya #deku #all for one

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thegirlwhohasnochill · 4 years

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The Disease of Addiction

Euphoria Special Episode Part 1: Rue (Recap & Review)

Before I begin my official review of this episode, I would like to preface my thoughts with a bit of a primer about spoilers and trigger warnings. The show covers a range of topics from addiction to mental health. Still, I specifically want to warn anyone reading that I explicitly talk about and mention the topic of suicide in my review. If this is triggering for you in any way, please, don’t read ahead and take care of yourself! Okay, that’s it; I hope you enjoy my thoughts, and please let me know if you have any feedback or comments for my review and things I can change or fix in the future.

Where to begin with such a loaded episode...we knew the format and style of the episode would be simplistic based on the current realities of filming amidst a pandemic and what we saw to be a scene from Season 2 that the creator Sam Levinson expanded upon. Zendaya herself let us know that the episode's storytelling method would be vastly different from what we’ve already seen on the show. The format and simplicity of the episode, in contrast to the loaded dialogue and content of the scenes, are perfect. The camera takes you right into the middle of these conversations with Rue and Ali. But before we can even dive into what they talk about, we have to address the elephant in the room that is Rules. The episode begins with what is probably one of the most gut-wrenching sequences I have seen on the show. Because we know the reality and truth of their current predicament, Rue’s peppered kisses across Jules’ body and her tight squeezes and hugs from behind Jules evoke a strong sense of loss and pain for the viewer. The sheer intensity of the physicality of Rue’s affection for Jules is so overpowering and overwhelmingly present, we can almost feel the imbalance in their relationship through the screen. There is something to be said for the harsh reality of Rue’s dependence on Jules being reflected even in such a non-objective dream-like sequence. And yet, even in Rue’s wildest dreams and happiest stupor, she does not imagine the sobriety of her future. To me, that is indeed the crux of her character and the essence of this episode. Ali himself says, “The point is your sobriety.” And while it may feel like a focal point of discussion, the conversation flows in a way that seems to bounce back and forth between the two like a simple tennis match. It is easy to follow between Ali’s most potent clearest convictions about how the world works and Rue’s drug-addled hazy perception. The inherent contrast between their mental states and the different points of life in which they are both standing hit the viewer at alternate moments.

But we know Rue is not sober even as she lies to Ali and stumbles out of the bathroom, the shaky camerawork conveying her recent use. She is wearing the same shirt from the dream but has her signature hoodie on, her messy curly locks running down her back and glassy eyes staring straight ahead. The scene moves from her imagination of life with Jules to her lies about use. Her eventual admittance to being a high-functioning user happens as quickly as the conversation moves from sobriety to faith.

So I might be biased and hence don’t think I am incorrect in admitting that Zendaya has never given us a bad performance in her life. Even as she lies to Ali’s face and he is quick to call out her apparent contradictions, the faint slurring of her voice and her glazed eyes tell all. As striking as the conversation is, it feels even stranger for me to admit I felt comforted by Rue’s confession to thoughts of ending her life. And even as she admits to the darkest moments in her mind, Ali’s face and reaction are an even better neutralizer for what would generally be such an alarming thing to say to someone you barely know. As they continue to discuss her eventual relapse and all the reasons behind it (including racing thoughts encompassing “all the things I remember and all the things I wish I didn’t”), the viewer can envision the sequence of events that was shown to us in the finale - her fights with her mother and sister, her first time using when her father was fast asleep, her father’s death, her sister finding her after her overdose.

As much as I would like to quote the entire episode, I have to say Ali’s monologue about the idea that none of us are born evil and that society views mental illness and addiction as a personal moral failure rather than an overarching system many of us are incapable of overcoming, to be one of, if not the most decisive moments of the entire show. The line about coming out of the womb with “a few wires crossed” but still a beautiful baby girl eventually messing her way up through life struck a chord in me. I didn’t ask to be born this way. I don’t feel in control of my mind or the way it ever seems to work. And I’m always going to be a bad person. The disease of addiction and mental illness lets you - no, it makes you - view everything you have ever done in your life as not a consequence of the way your mind works, but as an active choice, you have consistently made, as you screwed up everything you’ve ever loved, and let down everyone you have ever cared about. The disease is not you as a person or even the way you think, and yet it is powerful enough to feel that way. Almost like the rapid cycling between mania and depression, the disease flips between, making you feel like the most powerful, invincible person alive and the absolute scum of the earth. There is nothing in between.

Ali’s backstory and his monologues about his change in faith from Christianity (when he was previously known as Martin) to Islam and the world's revolutions were fascinating. Side note: I did think the line about women converting to Islam was unnecessary, but I digress.

Rue’s understanding of the Narcotics Anonymous program's steps was the perfect way to bring in the conversation of faith. As she mentions her difficulty in coming to terms with the idea that there is greater power in charge of her behaviour and the way she surrenders herself to drugs, Ali chimes in with, “You don’t believe there is a power on Earth greater than Rue.” She disagrees and continues quoting and citing different sources she believes to be omniscient and great. And I absolutely agree with her. To me, there is no greater power than the source of art, the music that keeps me going, that feels like it’s the only thing keeping me from stopping the blood pumping through my veins. I understand Rue. But I also understand Ali. And yet, when Rue goes on to talk about the inexplicable workings of the world, my heart stops. There is no reason. There is no reason for the absolute pain and loss and suffering I’ve experienced, for the trauma I’ve witnessed and endured. For the absolutely horrifying things, the people closest to me have lived through. It is merely chaos. There is no reason I wake up every single day, regretting the fact that I did indeed wake up and that I am alive and breathing. So I Understand Rue. But Ali’s monologue about the moral arc of the universe and the unfathomable ways in which life and history line themselves up, to open our very eyes to the realizations we come to daily, is overwhelming. And yet, while he is waxing poetic about the intricacies of the world, we can see Rue’s exhausted eyes glaze over further, still unimpressed. “Maybe I’ll start a revolution like Malcolm X or something”, she quips back. But Ali is quick to counter; revolutions are no longer revolutionary.

Life as we know it is hypocrisy and foolish symbolism, only emphasizing his point about the universe's ridiculousness. Does any of it have meaning? Or is the meaningless void just another puzzle piece in a picture we will never get to see? There is also something to be said about Rue’s facial expressions as Ali continues his train of thought about her “generation”. As we often do when we hear our elders dismissively brush off our many concerns, she almost rolls her eyes. But he is listening, and he knows. “You think you’re out here fighting a revolution, and Bank of America is on your side? Give me a fucking break.” He’s not wrong. His speech reminds me of the masses of teens on TikTok creating video content specifically catered to an audience with an aesthetic that glamorizes the image of a revolutionary teen hero. But instead of a blazing bow and arrow, it is the common cell phone and a punchy soundtrack filtered through digitized audio. What would typically come across as preachy in any show catered to teens is, in fact, poignant. It also reminds me of how self-aware Euphoria is, knowing it’s guilty of falling into the same trap it accuses the viewer of doing.

You have to commit to bettering yourself, Ali essentially tells Rue. And to me, that is the most inherently human struggle we will ever face in our lifetimes. As long as we exist, we have to face the idea that each day is, in fact, not going to be easier than the last. And when he tells her that he believes in her and that the hope of her success (that may one day come) should be greater than the failure of her current demise holding her back, I want to cry. I keep thinking about that edit of Rue to this is me trying by Taylor Swift.

The music of the song that Jules has texted to Rue swells, and it is easy to get caught up in the angst of the moment. It accompanies the words, “I miss you.” And if it wasn’t for Ali’s conversation with his daughter as background noise, one would simply soak in the gut-wrenching pain of their separation. The juxtaposition of Ali trying his absolute best to cling to his family as Rue continues to isolate herself from her loved ones and push herself further into the abyss makes my heart physically hurt.

Ms. Marsha’s spell-binding words of wisdom about sobriety and relationships compared to Rue’s tired exhaustion imminently displayed on her face make the viewer a little wary of what comes next. Her misunderstanding of a juvenile relationship with Jules is made clear when Ali confronts her about the fact that the two of them never had a real conversation about their feelings for one another. Rue’s distrust in the idea that things will eventually work themselves out stems from the fact that she feels disappointed by how her loved ones have left her so far. She eventually spirals into this negatively destructive way of thinking. She cognitively recognizes and justifies getting left behind because she thinks and believes she deserves terrible things in life. She lists examples of past deeds to further cement her argument. But Ali counters back with the simple statement that “Drugs change who you are as a person.” Regardless of her actions, he believes she is still a genuinely good individual while she argues that she is absolutely not. My favourite part of this whole conversation and the entire episode is the manner in which Ali questions Rue’s negative cognitive patterns. Her brain and mind essentially excuse bad behaviour by convincing her that she will never be a good person. Hence she can never forgive herself, and thus, she will continue to remain in this cyclical pattern. Our actions may be inexcusable, but they do not line up with our intentions. The inevitable human struggle is not whether we are fundamentally good or bad, evil, flawed or perfect, but if we are (and again, not to quote my other favourite show, The Good Place) trying to be a better person than we previously were. If we recognize that our actions are wrong and we are capable of experiencing remorse and regret for said actions, who's to say we are entirely incapable of change. This reductive polarizing, and dismissive way of thinking is characteristic of the brains of most people living with a mental illness. Our outside influences, such as drugs, can all be contributing external factors to how we conduct ourselves through life. Ali’s short bit about redemption and human beings deeming actions unforgivable forever can easily be paralleled to direct conversations we have online about “cancel culture”. The phenomenon of dismissing and reducing someone to their mistakes instead of allowing them to grow from them is a nice sentiment. Still, if we do not truly take accountability into action and witness no real changes or remorse, we can quickly get stuck in that cycle. Even if our beliefs do not line up with our actions, drugs can eventually change that. The belief system we hold so dearly, the convictions we strongly feel, can all be washed away by the simple use of drugs, Ali explains as he tells Rue about his family background. His experiences with abuse and his eventual hypocrisy as he plays the role he always feared in his family leave the viewer speechless. As we watch him tell his tale of regret, there is no woe or sorrow in admitting he is or isn’t a fundamentally good or bad person, just the thought of his attempt to change his ways that impacts the viewer.

As the viewer waits with bated breath to see what comes out of Rue’s mouth next, it is not a surprise (to me personally). Rue has no intention of staying sober because she has no intention of staying alive much longer. Ali asks her why she feels that way. She responds with her sentiments about the cruelty of the world. Ali understands. We truly are living in dark times, witnessing truly horrific events, and the fact that we even have the capacity to care any longer is indicative of our will to stay alive. It doesn’t make much sense when you think about it, but when you are so sad, so grief-stricken by the news, by the world’s turn of events, by the mere thought of witnessing more tragedy that you cannot bear to be alive any longer, it means that you are deeply invested. Invested in the way things will turn out even if you do not personally believe you want to participate or even be privy to being complicit in a system that does nothing but churn out pain, anger, and hatred. When I was at the lowest point in my life and attempted to end my own life, I was overwhelmed by the goings-on of the world. As emotionally drained as Rue is, a part of her still cares. She wants her sister and mother to know that she really tried. Just as I wanted and still want my parents and friends to be okay without me when I do eventually leave this earth. Of course, I care about what happens to them. The idea that suicide or suicidal ideation is inherently selfish is so contradictory to the reality of how suicidal individuals genuinely feel. It is the opposite. We care more than most, and we care to the point that it hurts to extend another moment of kindness to ourselves amid all the chaos and madness of the world. But still, we try. We do our best. Ali believes in Rue. He has faith in her.

The entire episode ends on a melancholy note as Rue and Ali depart the diner with Rue wistfully staring out the window as he drives her home. Ali loves his conversations with Rue and vice-versa. The fact that two people can be sitting at a diner alone on Christmas Eve talking about the beauty and cruelty of the world and everything ranging from politics to addiction to suicide to love to family and anything in between goes to show us that humans will always find a way. The fact that two people struggling and suffering from addiction can find their own way about and amidst the chaos of the world and still have these meaningful conversations about life and existence tells us that ultimately, Trouble Don’t Last Always.

#euphoria #zendaya #sam levinson #colman domingo #rue bennett #jules vaughn #rules #hbo #recap #review #nanwrites #rue #jules #zendaya coleman

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nubianamy · 3 years

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35k, PG, Finn/Sam, pre-slash, pre-canon, camp, series, drama

from chapter 3

Every time Finn and Sam were around the campfire after that, Finn encouraged him to sing. Sometimes it was with Aggie’s borrowed guitar, and sometimes it was just him, without any accompaniment. Sam had a strong, melodic voice, and it didn’t really need the guitar, but Finn noticed he was louder and more confident when he was strumming along, and that was great to witness.

One evening, after most of the guys had gone back to their cabins and Finn and Sam were there tending the dying fire, Sam turned to him curiously. “How come you never sing by yourself? I mean, I would play anything you wanted to sing.”

“I don’t sing,” Finn shook his head perhaps a little too quickly, “that’s kind of the rule me and Puck have. Like, he’s the front man for the band, and I get to do the harmonies and stuff when we mess around.”

Sam seemed to accept that at face value, which suited Finn just fine, even if it involved throwing Puck under the bus with the implication that Puck had decided on the rule. When really, it was because whenever Finn had taken lead vocals, he’d managed to almost put the beater through the kick drum, he got so tense.

“The thing is, I can barely hear you when I’m singing,” Sam said, poking the fire with a long stick. “I’m kind of loud in my own ears, if you know what I mean. But what I can hear sounds really good.”

He smiled over his shoulder at Finn, not teasing, not waiting for Finn to say something, just because that was how Sam was. Being next to him, watching him smile like that, gave Finn courage. He took a deep breath. “I, uh… I used to sing all the time, when I was a kid. My mom had all these cassette tapes, and we’d play and sing in the kitchen and in the car. And she dated this guy, Darren. He always said I should be a singer when I grew up.”

“Sounds like he was really supportive.” Sam turned so he was facing Finn, digging the stick into the ground so he could lean against it, “What about your mom? Did she... not like it?” He quickly added, “I just... you don’t sing anymore, so I assume someone convinced you not to, or something.”

“Nobody,” Finn said, shrugging. “I mean, nobody in particular. You know how guys are. It just stopped being cool to do stuff like that. Like playing video games or reading comics. Me and Puck, we still do those things together, but… we don’t tell anybody? That would kind of be the death of our popularity, and Quinn, she thinks that’s really important.”

Sam nodded slowly, and in the darkness and the firelight it was hard to read much of his expression, “I guess people don’t do a lot of things they want to do. But, everyone here likes the singing. And I definitely do, and I like comic books and video games, so you already know I’m super lame.” He reached forward to nudge Finn’s knee with his fingers as Finn chuckled. “If you ever wanted to try with me, that’d be cool.”

“Try singing? I mean, we’ve done that lots.” Finn gave him a nervous smile. “Maybe if nobody else was around, I would. If it was just us.”

Sam looked down at the log they were sitting on for a long moment before he looked back and smiled, “I mean, Sean’s always sneaking over to the cheerleading camp, right? You come and get me when you’re ready, and I’m happy to listen.”

It didn’t happen that night, or the night after that, but Finn thought about Sam’s suggestion a lot, maybe more than he should have. It was running through his mind pretty much all the time when he wasn’t focusing on something else. Which, unfortunately, seemed to be during a lot of the practices.

“Hudson! Are you planning on running at any point this morning!” Coach Tyler yelled, and Finn picked up the pace as he quickly as he could until he was next to Sean again.

“Look, dude,” Sean looked around and gave Finn a pointed look, “You need to focus.”

“I’m trying—”

“No, your mind’s somewhere else,” Sean reached over and tapped the side of his head with the back of his hand. “Listen, I get it. You’re not finding this challenging. But the QB boat has sailed, and you need to be giving this your all, okay? Now... What can I do to get your mind off whatever it’s on, and back on these plays? Because we’ve got our second game coming up, and if Lucas loses to Sam’s team? He’s gonna be fucking insufferable.”

“Seriously, it’s nothing. It’s just something between me and Sam.” Finn shook his head, “We haven’t had time to really work it out—”

“Great. Me and Aggie are gonna go smoke weed in another cabin tonight. So, you and Sam can pick a room and hash this all out, before I lose my patience with you, dweeb.”

Finn watched as Sean moved away and was about to move himself when there was a hand on his shoulder, stopping him dead. He winced, expecting to see Coach Tyler, but instead Lucas was looking at him with a very neutral expression. “You’re interested in being QB?”

“Kind of?” Finn tried to settle under Lucas’s gaze. He’d been friendly enough to him, but then he’d turn around and be terrible to Aggie. Finn didn’t trust him. “I mean, yeah, I’m interested, but… that’s your position, right? Yours and Sam’s?”

“It’s like saying the circus belongs to the ringmaster and the accordion-playing monkey,” Lucas rolled his eyes, and looked Finn up and down, “I’m not going to be playing next year, and I kind of like the idea of passing this on to someone. I mean, you’ve got shitty taste in friends, but...” He shrugged. “I’ll find you when I’m ready, Hudson.”

Finn watched him walk away, feeling much the same as he had when Darren told him he should be a singer. Seriously, if I had your voice, my group would still exist. Keep it up. He felt a shiver. It didn’t matter in that moment if Sam wanted to be QB or not. He pictured himself on the field, in the center of the team, calling the plays, catching the hike, passing the ball for the touchdown. It actually felt possible.

Maybe that was why, when Sam asked him at dinner, “So are we singing tonight by the fire?” Finn shook his head.

“Aggie and Sean are busy,” he said. “We can be alone in the cabin.”

“Oh.” Sam seemed to hesitate, causing the line of people waiting for food behind him to stop for a moment, before he quickly took a step forward again. “Yeah. Okay. Uh, your room or mine?”

“Whatever. Except our room has that chair with no arms. It might be easier for you to play guitar sitting there, instead of on the bed?”

“Isn’t that chair really uncomfortable?” Sam said, walking straight past the salad bar without stopping. “I mean, I’m fine with either. The chair sounds great. Just, if you want the bed instead, I can make that work.”

It turned out the evening was drizzly, anyway, so Finn didn’t feel so bad keeping Sam all to himself. Back in their cabin, however, Sam seemed restless, moving from one thing to another. Finn tried to give him space.

“You know, I think I’m going to go for a run,” Sam told him finally.

Finn raised an eyebrow as Sam stripped off his t-shirt. “In the rain?”

“Just a short one. It’ll make it easier for me to focus.” He backed toward the door in his undershirt. “I won’t be long.”

“You’re gonna get wet.” Finn said, but before he could try his argument for why Sam should sit down before he lost his nerve, Sam had vanished out of the door, his glasses abandoned on the side table. Finn stood by the door, watching Sam’s legs carry him around the lake trail until he was out of sight. Then he went through the bathroom into his and Sean’s room, dug his phone out of his jacket pocket, and dialed Puck’s number.

It went to voicemail once, but the second time Finn called, it clicked to life. “You have the worst timing, Hudson. I’m in the middle of something.” Puck sounded annoyed, but there was the sound of music playing softly in the background so he couldn’t be too busy, “Or, I mean, I’m about to be getting into something.”

“Dude, you could have let it go to—uh.” He laughed sheepishly. “Sorry. I’ll be quick. What’s a song you and I sing together that’s really good? I mean, really, really good. One that shows off a little.”

“How about...” Puck trailed off, and there was a noise in the background that sounded almost like a groan.

Let's talk about sex, baby Let's talk about you and me Let's talk about all the good things And the bad things that may be

“Not that,” Finn protested. “Dude, I’m not trying to get in anybody’s pants. What the hell. I’m talking good singing.”

“Why’re you singing to someone if you don’t want to get in their pants?” Puck scoffed. “Can I offer...”

Come out Virginia, don't let 'em wait You Catholic girls start much too late Aw but sooner or later it comes down to faith Oh I might as well be the one

Finn flung himself onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling. “No, no, Billy Joel is your range, not mine. Something higher.”

“So much for being quick about it. Sounds like the rumors about you aren’t exactly accurate.” He could hear a scuffling noise, and shushing and snorts of muffled laughter.

“Dude, who’s there with you?” Finn said suspiciously.

“Oh, this big, handsome, burly right guard. Yeah, we’re going at it pretty hot and heavy right now.” Puck sounded almost bored. “And, oh, yeah, there’s Mr. Ryerson coming through the door.”

“You really know how to make everything gross,” Finn said, grinning. “Okay, well, if you can’t think of anything, I’m going to have to default to Journey.”

“Do that Steve Perry single, the one from Straight Talk.” Puck hummed the chorus, and Finn sat up. “Can I hang up on you now, or do you have more stupid questions?”

“No, I think I’m good. Have fun… whatever you’re doing.”

“Looks like I might be doing some singing, actually.” Puck sounded amused. He added, to whoever was there, “You’re serious? Right now?”

Finn laughed. “I’m out of here. Whoever she is, good luck.”

He had to look up the lyrics to the song on his phone, not because he hadn’t sung it eight thousand times, but because he was sure he had been singing some of them wrong for years. Somehow it seemed important to get the lyrics right when he was singing for somebody else. Not that he was singing to Sam, or anything like that.

Actually, now that he was reading the lyrics, Finn decided he might want to have second thoughts about singing this particular song. It wasn’t because it was a love song, but it was kind of sad, and not exactly upbeat. But it was too late to call Puck back, and he wasn’t going to pick something else now.

There was the sound of footsteps on the stairs outside, and Finn sat up on the bed quickly, his phone almost bouncing on the mattress as it slipped from his hand. He had begun to swing his legs off, but the door opened with a very loud noise, and Sam stepped in, shaking out his hair.

“Paul wanted us to know that the hose for the sprinkler system is working again,” he said dryly, barely looking as he pulled at his undershirt that was soaked to his skin. “It came off and sprayed me, but he, very heroically...” he trailed off, his eyes finally falling on Finn who was resting back on his hands, his legs splayed wide. “Uh... are you... waiting for someone?”

“Me? No.” Finn straightened up, trying to figure out what to do with his hands. He rose to his feet, tripping over his shoes a little. “Who would I be… um. Can I get you, like, a towel or something?”

“I should get to the bathroom,” Sam gestured but his shoes squelched as he took a step, and Finn quickly shook his head.

“No way, you need to lose the shirt at least, man, before you get sick. You can borrow one of mine until you go next door.” He grabbed one of his big, comfy McKinley High athletics shirts from his drawer and held it out. “Just—sit there and take off your shoes. I’ll get you that towel.”

He ducked into the bathroom. The towels on the rack both smelled like feet, so he rummaged in the shelf above the sink until he found a clean one. It was a worn towel from Six Flags, the one with the picture of the roller coaster on it.

Finn brought it back into his room where Sam was sitting on the floor in a puddle, his soaking-wet undershirt in a pile next to one of his shoes. He was struggling to get the other one off. When Finn snickered, he shot him an exasperated look.

“It’s really hard to untie wet shoelaces,” he protested.

“Hey, I’m not saying anything,” Finn held up his hands with a grin.

He exchanged Sam’s wet undershirt for the dry towel, then took the shirt into the bathroom to drip dry. He couldn’t help but pause in the doorway, though, and glance back at Sam, who was contorting himself trying to get a better angle on the lace, until his foot was nearly over his head, as he got more and more frustrated.

“Here.” Finn knelt on the floor next to him, gesturing for Sam to put his foot back on the floor. “You’re just making it hard for yourself. Let me.”

Sam looked very unsure about this, but he let Finn tug at the heel of his shoe until it finally slid off his foot with a sloppy sound. It made them both snicker. When Finn presented him with the shoe, like it was a priceless gift, Sam laughed harder.

“Thanks.” Sam rolled his eyes. “For the towel, too. It’s been a pretty crappy evening so far. Maybe... I should just turn in.”

“You think it’s going to get any better if Aggie gets home and sees you’re asleep?” Finn joked lightly, “I bet he’d put your hand in warm water just on principle. Come on, why don’t we just... hang out. I’ve got this dumb book I’m supposed to read for my classes next year, I’m sure you could do some sketching or something, right?”

That made Sam brighten a little. “Yeah, that sounds pretty good.”

It didn’t take long for the two of them to get comfortable, but the separate beds felt like way too far away to Finn’s mind. He pulled the blanket off the bed, and made himself a little half-nest on the ground, his back to the drawers. Sam spread out on the mattress, not physically, but between the sketchpad, a small pile of comic books, and the guitar resting against the headboard, there wasn’t a lot of space there.

The book was very boring, but listening to the sound of Sam’s pencil skritching away on the paper was strangely relaxing.

It wasn’t until the third time that he lifted his hand to his nose, and Sam hummed in a mildly negative way, that he turned to look. Sam finished with a line, and then looked back towards Finn and froze. Finn offered a small smile, “You doing all right?”

“Yeah, I was just...” Sam glanced at the sketchbook on his lap and then back to Finn. “Art, you know?”

“Are you drawing me?” Finn couldn’t help but ask, his chest feeling strangely warm. Sam looked mildly horrified, but after a beat he slowly nodded. “Can I see?” Finn continued, and that got a sharp negative. Finn tilted his head. “Why not?”

“Because... it’s embarrassing.” Sam shrugged, “And private. And you were supposed to sing, and you didn’t, so I’m holding my art ransom.”

“Oh, yeah?” Finn felt his smile broaden. “Does that mean you would show me if I sang something?”

Sam glanced back at the sketchbook and then back to him, “It’s honestly not that good. I mean, I really want to hear you sing, but I don’t want you to be disappointed if you’re expecting the Mona Lisa or something.”

“Dude,” Finn said softly. “There is literally no way I would be disappointed by you, Sam. Ever.”

Read the rest of chapter 3 | Read the whole story on AO3

#@karofsky #finn/sam #sinn #@beshrew-my-very-heart #glee fanfiction

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storysofmyown · 4 years

Text

Obey me! Scarred, Chapt. 6

Plot: It’s time for the next step in Diavolo’s plan to unify the realms. But, in order to work, the demons would be subjected to confront their worst fears, and in some cases, who they are.

Trigger warning: Manipulation, Panic attack...I’m not sure if it qualifies as such, implied suicidal thoughts.

Word count: 2980

“Yes Lucifer, Beel said he would be joining me later.” Levi was waiting in a crowded room for a game he wanted to buy. It was a ridiculously crowded, Levi would have been waiting since last night, but Lucifer had forbidden him, and the only reason he had been able to even go and get a copy was because Beel offered to accompany him after his practice ended. Still, Lucifer was not all that happy with that idea and would not stop calling or texting him.

“I still think this is a bad idea. Maybe I should go with you.” The man’s voice sounded worried trough the phone, Levi rolled his eyes.

“Lucifer! I already told you I’m fine. I’m kind of an expert hiding from the public. There is no need for you to cut your meeting with Lord Diavolo short.” The older demon sighed from the other side of the line. “Besides, I’ve been waiting for this game for like, a year. I’m not going to let it sell out without me getting a copy.”

“Fine, fine! But if Beelzebulb is not there in two hours, I want you to get home. I do not care if you were able to get a copy of the game, understood?” Levi nodded, forgetting he was speaking through a phone and that Lucifer could not see him.

“Yes, gotta go now. They are selling merch!! And I already lost my opportunity to get the ultra-rare items, I won’t let that same fate fall upon me with the rare items.” Before his brother had an opportunity to answer Leviathan hanged up, walking around the few tables they had placed around. He held into his number tightly, making sure not to lose it, if he lost it, then he wouldn’t have proof that he had been waiting for the game and someone else would take his place.

There were hundreds of demons in the room, thankfully it was a rather large room, there was enough space for him to walk around freely and not feel that overwhelmed by the amount of people around him. He was looking at some rare figurines, trying to see if he found one which he didn’t own yet. As the minutes flew by, Levi got another call. He was tempted to ignore it but noticed it said Beels name and not Lucifers. Before answering he glanced at the hour, it was half an hour past from the time Beel had said he would show up.

“Beel?”

“Levi, I’m on my way. The coach made us stay a bit longer.” Beels voice sounded agitated, like the demon was running. And judging by the ruffling he heard in the background, that was exactly what his brother was doing.

“LOL, it’s fine. There still a lot of numbers to be called before us. So, no need to get here fast.” Beel was going to say something but another call interrupted him. This time it was Lucifer. “Gotta go, Lucifer is calling… again. I promise I will get you something to eat once you get here.” Beel didn’t respond, and that was fine since Levi needed to take the other call.

“Do you have the game?”, Levi groaned. “I’ll take that as a no. Is Beel with you?”

“No, the coach made the team stay longer. But he on his way is.” Levi heard Lucifer sigh at the other side of the line. Even he knew Lucifer was massaging his temples and Levi couldn’t even see him right now.

“Once he gets there, you tell him to call me, okay?” Leviathan rolled his eyes for the hundred time today. He was getting exasperated at this and just wanted his damn video game so he could stay in his room and not come out until, like, two months, by that time he would have completed the game in its entirety.

“Yes, I’ll tell him about it.” After a few more exchanges and Lucifer making Levi promise again to be back in an hour or so if he didn’t get the game, Levi was finally able to look around in peace for a couple of minutes.

After buying another piece of merch, Levi turned around, and noticed something odd. The people in the room had been making the same five moments they had been making for a while now. Going forward and then backwards, the room had fallen into silence, which was then replaced with people saying the same things over and over again, the voices incredibly laud and merging until all Leviathan could make out of the incredible loud noise was his own name. The movements of their hands and facial expressions gave the sensation of them being robots or something. He realized that no number had been called in for a while now.

“Are they…stuck on a loop?” Levis anxiety began raising, burning in his chest and he felt himself starting to shake lightly.

“Took you long enough to realize it.” Leviathan snapped out of his anxiety for a second, head moving at the direction of the voice, which belonged to his father.

“Dad?” Levi realized how he had called God, and immediately felt regret at such a level it made him wince.

“I would appreciate it if you would refrain from referring to me as such.” Leviathan starred at his father trough his bangs. “I dread the idea of being related to any of you. Especially,” God made a point to stop in his tracks and stare directly at Leviathan, glancing up and down at him. What Levi could describe as a disgusted look appeared on Gods face as their eyes meet once again, “someone like you.”

That sent goosebumps throughout Levis body, shaking him to his core. The bag in his hands becoming unbearable to hold on, but he refused to let it fall. They were grounding him somehow. He was scared but that comment made him mad as well. Taking a step forward and making sure his stance was firm, Levi glared to the man, trying to find the courage to respond to his father.

“H-Hey! Wha-what is that supposed to mean?!” Levi gritted his teeth at the man, whose eyes were focused on the tables and demons that surrounded him. He was avoiding Levis gaze, almost mocking him. It was a way of saying that Levi was not even worth to look at.

“It means,” God glared at Levi, his eyes full of a hatred that Levi had only seen once before. In the eyes of the same man that stood right in front of him. The people still stuck in an infinite loop around them, chanting Leviathans name like some sort of spell, “that I would rather not be associated with the likes of you.”

“The likes of me? You mean demons?” Levi asked, still trying to face and maintain his ground around his father, it was hard though. Secretly, Leviathan only hoped that Beel would burst in the room and support him. Though, given the state of the demons in the room, he wondered if perhaps Beel was also stuck on a loop somewhere on his way there. “if you despise demons so much, why even bother with this trip? Why even consider the idea of having our realms united?”

“My, for someone that spend so much time in literary works and mindless tv shows, one would expect you to read between the lines.” God took a deep sigh, one of his hands placed in the bridge of his nose. “I don’t mean demons Leviathan. In fact, I have found myself quite enjoying the distinct…ehr culture that Lord Diavolo has going around. No, when I say, ‘the likes of you’, I mean cowards.”

Levi sucked in a breath, he felt heavy and was losing sense of the world around him. Before he could properly hear the last words, people starting chanting his name even lauder, now, Leviathan wasn’t sure if it was God causing it or if it was his own mind blocking and numbing away the world. His vision was blurry, and his heart was pounding. He felt the bag in his hand heavier than before and for a moment he completely forgot where he was, just wishing he could be back in his room under some blankets. Leviathan looked up, trying to locate God but for some reason the man was no longer in front of him.

“Oh, pardon me. Quite a shock to you being confronted by reality?” Gods voice came from nowhere, yet everywhere. It was an echo in his mind, yet he could feel the vibrations of it on the floor.

“You can’t talk to me like that! I…im- uhg”, Leviathan groaned shifting his position, looking everywhere trying to find where God was, “I’m one of the highest-ranking demons here. Yo-you shouldn’t talk to me like that. I am the third most powerful demon from my family, and we are all high-ranking demons.” Levi gritted his teeth and clenched his fist. He was sweating and this wave of overwhelming emotion was killing him.

“I shouldn’t? Oh please, you talk like you have any authority boy. We both know that this status you uphold was misplaced upon you. Please, the third most powerful in your family?” God scoffed, before laughing hysterically, exaggerating and making every second fill with even more tension. “Anyone that can see at all knowns that title is wrongly placed, just look at you.” Levi felt cold wind pass around him, making every hair in his body stand up. “It’s curious. Satan, your nephew, is far younger than you, yet…he is only one position behind you. How does that make you feel?” God cackled as the wind around Levi become colder, the demon wanted to run from the place, but he was frozen, hugging himself to try and provide some sort of grounding feeling, bags forgotten on the floor. Hoping he could open his eyes, and everything would have disappeared.

“Th-that’s not t-true! I am the general of…of the navy.” Levi spoke, but his voice was less fierce. The fear was evident on the demon’s voice. His mind was a mess. For years he has struggled with the way he is, to the point of trying to change several times, but in the end he wound up disappointed. Disappointed in how everyone saw him as the weakling of the family, disappointed in himself for not being good and disappointed and enraged that he was the way he was, and that no matter how much he tried, he would always go back to his old ways.

“What low standards must this place have for their soldiers and whatnot.” God was still nowhere to be seen, Levi was shaking, he could not tell if it was from the cold or for the fear he felt in that moment. “It is outstanding the fact that you feel so devoid of valor or care in your family that you need to seek comfort in such things.” For a split-second God appeared beside a table, taking one of the many items in his hand and turning it to dust. Before Levi lost track of him again. “The again, if I was your family, I would also ignore you.” God laughed again. This time, Levi could feel the grin in the man’s face.

“I know you are trying to get me all worked up. But that won’t work. You can’t…hurt me with stuff I already know.” Levi was aware of how bad that sounded but it was true. All those thoughts and sentiments, those insecurity’s and degrading thoughts were already on his mind, thinking about them constantly. But he lied, those thoughts hurt, even if he did constantly think about them.

For a moment there was silence in the room. The slow movements of the demons around had stopped completely, the sense of dread Levi was feeling overtook any logical thought his mind could have. He was frenetically trying to find where God was, being prevented by the people around, who did not let him move around the room freely anymore. Levi didn’t know if it was just his eyes, but the room was getting darker. Then, the demons started moving rapidly, this time it wasn’t the same movements as before, these ones were frantic and there was no rhythm to what they were doing. The loop they had been stuck on burst and the had lost control completely.

The loud noise of demons talking, and walking was becoming too much for Levi, he closed his eyes and put his hand on his ears. Demon form flickering, trying to jump out but he was also trying to stay in control of what was happening. His breathing was accelerated and even the sound of his own heartbeat was annoying him. He could feel the weight of his horns and his tail when they appeared, and the constant shift in the weight on his head was starting to give him a headache, his tail, when it appeared, moved like crazy making him lose his footing and trip various times.

“Then what about the fact that none of your brothers trust you?” Gods voice was so loud it snapped Levi out of all his thoughts, he turned around to see the face of his father barely a few inches away, making him jump and fall on the floor. “I mean, Lucifer wouldn’t stop calling to “check up on you”, and none of them were really happy with the idea of you coming here alone, the only reason why you were even allowed to come here was because they appointed you a babysitter. And it seems like the babysitter forgot about your existence as well.”

God laughed dryly, bending to Levis level. Levi had fallen and was looking up at his father, his vision blurry and shaking so much his hands could barely even maintain the weight he put on them. His tears were now more visible than ever, and his breathing had never been more accelerated, didn’t matter how much air he inhaled, it still felt like he was suffocating. Like an invisible hand was choking his. For a moment, Levi glanced at the side and felt himself lose the little balance he had regained, but God put a finger on his forehead. Forcing Leviathan to look at his father, even though he felt like he could pass out at any moment. Leviathan didn’t knew when, but the room was entirely black except for a light that had him and God illuminated, he was feeling weak and at some point he even almost threw up.

“You are so weak; your family doesn’t even trust you to get out of the house alone. What does that say about you, Leviathan the Third born, admiral of hell’s navy?” Leviathans eyelids felt heavy and his throat was sore, he tried to push his father away, but he was in a state of shock. He felt exposed, demon form fully displayed. “Well I should get going. But you, Leviathan, you buy that game and try to replace your value and the love you don’t deserve and are not getting with entertainment.” God finally stopped holding Levis head up with his finger, and the moment that he did, Leviathan felt himself fall down an endless hole of all the insecurities he had ever felt.

The only thing that kept him from keeping spiraling down was the pain he felt caused by God stepping in the demons tail. Leviathan closed his eyes and covered his face his hands, trying to breath less hastily, the entire room was on silence, until he heard the echoing booming voice of the door, which then merged into every other sound at the convention. The steps, the voices, the movements, the noise of people paying and the rustling of bags, the noise of plastic and the smell, everything was overwhelming to him. But there was a noise that muted all others. His phone was ringing.

“Leviathan, you have half an hour more. If you do not-” He had finally managed to pick the phone up, knowing damn well who it was Levi tuned out the voice, before hanging up and finally standing up. Walking lazily and stumbling around until he existed the store he was on. The burst of light made everything worse. He was looking up, still not having entirely processed what had happen, he felt the vibrations of the phone ringing from his pocket and the way the cold wind hit his body, that reminded him of what had happened a few minutes ago. Leviathan hugged himself and focused on his breathing. Who knows how much time he spent like that, all he can tell is that after calming down a little, he heard a voice call him, and upon opening his eyes, he noticed it was Beel, centimeters away from his face, making Leviathan screech and jump, almost falling but his brother prevented the fall.

“Are you okay?” Asked Beel, in a worried tone, looking at his brothers to make sure he wasn’t wounded or anything. Levi nodded, putting his hands on his pockets. A few seconds passed and Beel noticed the lack of bags from someone whos entire plan was to buy something. “What happen to the game?” Beel asked, thinking that might at least break the silence that settled in.

“It…was sold out.” Was all Levi said, and started walking towards their home. Beel didn’t want to comment anything, but seeing his brothers in demon form like that, was troubling his mind. Had he been late again? Had his absence caused Levi to go through something? Beel didn’t knew, just like he didn’t know that the moment Levi entered his own room that night, he broke down like never before, feeling so small and scared, he even, for a moment thought, he shouldn’t exist.

So, this was late... on my defense, i do have an excuse- i mean an explanation. I was editing this yesterday, and stopped for a sec to see i got a notification and bam, it was the lessons. Naturally, i stopped everything i was doing and wolfed em down. So yeah, that is the reason why i didn't post this on Monday, I apologize. Next chapter will be up Friday night, that is a promise.

Anyway, i hoped y’all enjoyed this chapter. I was trying to play with Gods powers a little and also playing with his personality, in this one he is much more direct than in others. Reason being that i he feels like Levi is way easier to manipulate, just some harsh truths and you got a broken demon in your hands. But yeah, thank y’all for reading this, and i promise next chapter will be up on time.

Chapter one

Chapter two

Chapter three

Chapter four

Chapter five

Chapter seven

Chapter eight

Chapter nine

Chapter ten

Chapter eleven

Chapter twelve

Chapter thirteen

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artificialqueens · 4 years

Text

i’m putting out my hand, you don’t wanna hold it (gigi x nicky) - ella

a/n - The aftermath of an almost relationship between the Nicky and Gigi post-show. Kind of a ‘what if they also had a branjie moment in s12’. Anyway, first angst AND first fic that’s over 2k words, yay!! Thank u to my amazing perfect beautiful beta @pink-grapefruit-cafe for correcting my tenses (as always) :> this is also posted on ao3, and feel free to hit me up here @dawningofdrag. Hope this was a decent comeback 💗

‘it’s weird seeing us flirt on national television’

Gigi’s heart skipped a beat when she heard her phone ding from the coffee table in front of her, already knowing who sent her the sudden text.

It was cold. It was the middle of March and the nonexistent heating of her apartment caused her fingers to shiver as she reached for her phone. The blankets that wrapped around her shoulders fell off as she reached out, feet kicking out of the bundle of fabric and placing themselves on her carpeted floor.

The latest episode of drag race had just finished airing, the commercials that came after it playing on Gigi’s flatscreen and it’s overproduced audio filled the small confinement of her living room. Their blatant flirting in untucked had just played on-screen mere moments ago, and the 22-year-old could already hear the intense screaming of the fans in her head. She turned off her notifications for Twitter and Instagram before the episode even aired, aware that the second the moment Nicky grabbed Gigi’s hand was televised everyone would go batshit crazy.

She opened her phone, tapping away until she got to her most recent text, the blue, red, and white heart next to the sender’s name all too familiar. Probably a little too familiar for Gigi’s liking.

It was the first time Nicky texted her since they spent summer together in LA last year, and the text preceding Nicky’s most recent one stung in a way the younger queen didn’t necessarily find appealing. The romantic nicknames and pink heart emojis brought back memories the American would rather forget.

“You’re beautiful,” Gigi whispered into the French queen’s ear, arms tightly wrapped around Nicky’s neck. The feeling of her bare, sweaty skin on hers elicited a loud moan from her swollen lips. “Fuck- right there-”

The empty hotel room Gigi called home for the past two weeks was now dim, the lamp by her bedside table the only source of light they had bothered to keep on. The plain white sheets were barely hanging onto the corners of the thick mattress they laid on, tank tops, vintage tees, and colored pants discarded by the foot of the bed. Hungry grasps and a desperate need for touch caused Gigi’s hotel room to look like a tornado passed through, but she didn’t mind. She was willing to clean up the mess they had created if it meant feeling the way she currently did, pressed tight to Nicky’s chest.

Their non-stop flirting on set the past two weeks had finally turned into more than just dirty jokes and accidental hand touches. Gigi had teetered on the edge of the limit she had set for herself for a while now, Nicky standing on the imaginary line with her.

But the second Nicky locked lips with her after the first elimination, the self-control she prided herself in turned nonexistent. The older queen had cupped her cheeks and leaned in and before she could stop herself, Gigi kissed back. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around the french queen’s waist, holding tight and wishing the feeling she experienced once their lips met would last longer than the few seconds it lasted.

It all happened so suddenly. The hand holding, the kiss, the three hickeys on her collarbone Nicky created in the empty set bathroom before they rode the van back to the hotel. Gigi felt like she was dreaming with how quickly their relationship had escalated the past six hours. Before she knew it, their naked bodies had collided and fuck, it felt good.

Nicky moved quicker as she placed her hands on Gigi’s shoulders, her thrusts, powerful and quick. A loud whine escaped Gigi’s lips as she threw her head back into the pillow. The queen on top of her leaned down and claimed her with dark bruises on her prominent shoulder blades to accompany the ones left on her skin hours ago. Gigi writhed and moved underneath her, the collision of Nicky’s skin with her own enough to almost drive her over the edge. Her long nails dug into the older queen’s back as she savored in every movement Nicky’s hips made.

“So fucking good-” She heard Nicky exhale, her tan hands clutching her waist. Gigi looked up to meet her dark eyes, a shiver running down her spine. “So fucking beautiful.”

‘I know its kinda weird lmao’

Gigi set her phone down to take a deep breath, pulling back the fleece blanket around her, trying to find some sort of solace in the heat it provided. The thoughts of Nicky overwhelmed her like a tidal wave, crashing and breaking and ruining the sandcastle wall she’d built to protect herself. God, Nicky was going to be the death of her.

The thousands of memories she had shared with Nicky came in so quickly, and Gigi was pretty sure they didn’t plan on leaving anytime soon. Every waking moment she spent with the French queen replayed in her head, rolling like they were the videos in her camera roll she would find herself watching at three in the morning when she’s had too much to drink.

She heard her phone buzz, pulling her out of the trance she found herself in. She slowly moved to grab the phone that laid screen-side down, toying with its clear case before she found the courage to pick it up and read Nicky’s response. She took a deep breath and opened it.

‘do you miss it?’

“Fuck.” Gigi let the curse slip through her lips, mind going a million miles a minute.

“Why do you have to go back to New York?” Gigi whined, still not bothering to let go of her tight grasp on the older queen. Her words slurred a little, her droopy eyes meeting the French queen’s dark brown ones. “I wanna spend more time with you-”

It was chilly, the late-night breeze probably a bit too strong for Gigi who’d only worn a denim jacket and a vintage tee. The stars shone brightly above them, sky clear from the clouds that would soon arrive in the fall. She looked down at her hand that was wrapped firmly around Nicky’s, and just like that, she was warm. The interlocking of their fingers was enough for the low temperature of night to no longer bother her.

She looked at Nicky, and she thought about how she shone just as much as the clear, bright stars of the California summer.

The alcohol had hit her over an hour ago, the normal filter she’d put her words (and sometimes if needed, even her thoughts) was currently non-existent.

They had just spent a full night out in Los Angeles getting drunk at Showgirls and eating their body weight in greasy bar food. There was not a single regret in their minds. Well, none for the time being. Those would probably come in the late morning.

All of a sudden, Nicky stopped in her tracks, turning to face the younger queen who stood next to her. She lifted her hands, trailing them up the pale queen’s body before cupping Gigi’s cheeks. She had drunk a little more than she planned on and it prohibited her ability to think before she did anything.

She pressed a kiss on the taller queen’s forehead, then her nose, and finally a longer, lasting one on her lover’s glossed lips. “You’re cute when you’re drunk. Do you know that?”

Gigi couldn’t hide the giggles that erupted from her mouth, looking away as her cheeks flushed. “You’re cute too.”

She stared at the blue cloud on her phone screen for longer than she’d be willing to admit, sitting back down as she thought of a way to reply without sounding… weird? bitter? desperate? The heavy feeling in her chest intensified the longer she thought of a reply.

Her emotions went haywire and she could already feel her fingers tremble. Her breath deepened with every inhale, bottom lip between her pearly white teeth. The loud commercials that played from her TV turned to background noise, the sentence displayed on her phone screen causing her focus to shift.

Maybe she was angry. Maybe she was furious.

But she missed Nicky. She missed Nicky more than she wanted to, and Gigi didn’t think she could deny that no matter how hard she tried.

They had ended whatever they had almost a year ago, but Gigi still found herself missing the way Nicky’s arms felt around her when they slept. Gigi missed the way her tan skin would shine under the bright California sun when they would sneak off to the beach after a long day of lounging around in the American’s shoebox of an apartment. She missed the way her dark hair would smell, the scent of her musky perfume that reminded her of the mornings where they held each other until the heat of the season pushed them away.

After what felt like hours of contemplation, Gigi finally responded to the text with simple words. She couldn’t bring herself to add more to it, afraid that saying too much could lead the conversation to places she didn’t want to go.

‘i do’

Gigi waited by her phone for a reply, her eyes constantly checking to see if her home screen had lit up to display her lock screen and the time. She got up to leave her finished glass of wine on the kitchen sink, attempting to distract herself from the reply she so anxiously waited for.

She jumped when she heard her phone go off, her hands reaching to grab the device like her life depended on the words written in Nicky’s response.

‘i miss it too, sometimes.’

Gigi thought of making Nicky lunch before she had to leave for New York.

She wasn’t a cook by any means, she never really enjoyed it simply because it was more work than purchasing food from the restaurants down the street from her apartment. But it was a special occasion, and the American thought there was no harm in a simple romantic gesture. She was head over heels anyway, and according to her judgement, there was no point in hiding it anymore.

She whipped up a pretty little sandwich for the older queen who was smoking a couple of cigarettes on the pathetic excuse of a balcony Gigi possessed in her apartment. Nicky sat on the one chair she could squeeze into the tight space, tan legs resting on the metal railing that was slowly getting colder the closer they got to fall. The younger queen took a couple of photos of the cross-cut she had carefully plated on one of the many three plates she possessed, posting the dish on her story before walking to her bedroom where the balcony jutted out across her unmade bed.

“- no it’s not! You know I’m not ready for that shit.” She heard Nicky exclaim from the balcony.

Gigi slowly walked up to her, watching her flick the ashes from her second cigarette into the vintage marble ashtray the younger queen had bought for Nicky when she heard she was coming. Gigi let a soft smile paint her glossed lips, more than excited for the reaction she could possibly acquire from the New York native.

“Of course we aren’t serious, Kandy.” Nicky scoffed, dragging a long inhale of the smoke as it filled her lungs and left it just as quick. “I don’t do the whole relationship thing, takes too much effort.”

“I just came here to have some fun! Let me hook up and have fun in peace, you bitch.” Nicky snickered, waving around her hands as she talked as if the person on the other side of the phone was right in front of her.

Gigi felt numb.

‘but i’m not ready for what you want and you know that.’

She had moved to her bedroom by the time the next message came to flash itself on Gigi’s phone screen. It was dark now, dim yellow fairy lights the only thing illuminating the cozy space in the dark winter night. She tried to distract herself even more from the blue cloud that littered her brain as she busied herself before bed. She didn’t bother replying the first time, fully aware where the conversation was leading to. She didn’t want to go there. Not yet. Gigi didn’t believe she was ready for it.

Her fingers still shook like they always did when she was too emotional, the quiver of her hands evident when she went to brush her teeth. She laughed it off the second she noticed, instead, focusing on the rest of her nightly routine that she deemed more important than the second text which was waiting on the bed she used to share. More important than the sinking feeling in her chest she tried to convince herself wasn’t there.

She had settled into bed before reading the latest text but her desperate attempts to keep her feelings at bay were failing her.

The grip on her black phone tightened, her manicured fingers hovering over her phone’s keyboard unable to conjure up a proper response. She felt a lump in her throat form as she held back the tears that sat by the edge of her light brown eyes, and she remembered the time she cried the same tears only months before. “Fuck you, Nicky.”

Gigi’s voice cracked as she whispered, gritting her teeth in order to suppress the great anger that was dying to leave her chest and into the phone in front of her. She couldn’t breathe, her vision blurred from the tears that were collecting in her eyes. She found herself choking on the sobs she held back, so she dropped the phone on her green comforter.

Fuck, she wanted to call her.

She wanted to call her and beg for another chance. Her fingers itched, wanting to pick up the phone once more and tap the call button. It was a risk that Gigi herself didn’t think she should take, but her brain lingered on the thought for a while. She knew she was getting desperate for the queen on the other side of the phone, and denying it didn’t help her at all. Fuck, maybe if they met again, if they spent another summer together in California, if her lips lingered a second longer on hers, it could change Nicky’s mind.

But instead of saying so, she replied.

‘i know.’

“What are we, Nicky?” The question left Gigi’s lips before she had realized it.

Nicky had ignored her since she heard the loud clatter of a plate dropping itself on the dresser by the balcony door.

The atmosphere inside the small apartment had changed drastically in the matter of milliseconds. Gigi scrubbed on the dishes harder than she usually did, closed the bathroom door much louder than normal, and you could hear her dismayed grunts when her hair didn’t sit on top of her head the way she wanted it to. Nicky had finished packing, rolling her large purple luggage by the front door when Gigi spat out the words she dreaded to hear.

“I have to go-” She avoided Gigi’s gaze like it would hurt her if they met eyes. The American walked closer to the smaller queen in front of her, picking at the skin around her thumbs to ease the myriad of thoughts that ran through her head a mile a minute.

“Nicky, please.” She spoke softly, but it was as if she was alone in the room. Nicky still refused to look at the younger queen and reply no matter how long she seemed to wait.

“Answer me,” Gigi spoke much louder now, her pain still somehow passing through the tough wall she tried to put up with her second request at a reply. She felt like screaming.

The room fell silent, Nicky not even daring to move. It was so quiet Gigi could hear the faint rumble of a motorcycle from the roads close by.

“Please.” Her voice cracked, eyes bloodshot from holding back in the tears that were itching to flow. She allowed only a single tear to stream down her face, fingers shaking as she subconsciously wrapped her hands around her lean frame. Gigi closed her eyes.

“You said you don’t want anything serious but you held me when I told you I was cold.” She called out, finally harboring the strength to keep talking.

“You held my hand when we walked around Sunset and you told me about your dreams when we ate breakfast.” She continued, the tears from her light brown eyes now everflowing as she couldn’t find the willpower to hold them back any longer. Gigi wanted to stop talking in case it got her into waters so deep she wouldn’t be able to resurface, but she kept going.

“Gigi-“

“You wouldn’t come to California for me if you didn’t want me the way I want you.”

Gigi could start to feel the thick humid air that accompanied the coming autumn season, a heavy feeling on her shoulders starting to build up and cause her shoulders to slump.

She scoffed, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose, already feeling the quiver of her hands as she brought them up. “For the past two weeks, we’ve spent every second together and only now do I realize-”

Gigi took in a shaky breath. “- you’re fucking playing with me.”

“I am not-”

“But you are!” The brunette let out a laugh, bloodshot eyes meeting Nicky’s for the first time since the phone call. “I’m just some toy, huh? You think you can come and go whenever you please and you expect me to not get hurt?”

“I didn’t want you to get so attached-“

“Bullshit, Nicky.”

They stared at each other for what felt like hours, neither showing signs of backing down now that Nicky finally had the courage to face the younger queen. She grasped the handle of her luggage tightly, knuckles turning white at how hard she was holding onto it.

“I’m young, but I’m not fucking stupid,” Gigi whispered through her tears after an eternity of silence. She met the older queen’s eyes one last time before she watched her tan hands reach for the front door.

Nicky opened the front door and left.

‘you’ll find someone out there who will want the same thing you want, i promise.’

Gigi hated Nicky.

She hated Nicky with every fibre of her being, the pain and anger consuming her every thought when her brain would bring back their warm summer memories. She wanted nothing but for the pain to leave her exhausted soul and transfer itself to Nicky, make her experience the heavy emotions she’d carried on her back ever since Nicky had left to go back to New York. She felt her blood boiling at the thought of the way Nicky knew where to hold her when she needed to be held-

The way Nicky knew exactly what to say at any given moment, no matter the circumstance.

The way Nicky would press a kiss on her forehead and suddenly everything she worried about disappeared.

She hated Nicky, but fuck, she loved her too.

Gigi loved Nicky. She missed her, wanted her, loved her. And that was all she needed to stop hating her.

It was four in the morning when Gigi finally replied.

‘what if i want that someone to be you.’

#rpdr fanfiction #nicky doll #gigi goode #gigi x nicky #angst #canon compliant #very mild smut #ella #s12 #on set fic

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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1021

survey by lets-make-surveys

1 - Do you have cats? Tell me about them. No. My sister used to have a cat, but Arlee passed away last April, I think a day or two before my birthday.

2 - Do you have an open fire in your house? Would you like one? Idk what that is, but it doesn’t sound appealing as I live in a tropical country as it is. More heat would just be uncomfortable.

3 - Are you a fan of making things cosy? What kind of things do you do to make your home feel cosy and snug? Cozy is nice, of course, but I wouldn’t always invest in them. I’d want my own place to have scented candles and fluffy pillows and blankets, but those three things are probably enough for me. I don’t really need fairy lights or oil diffusers or whatever.

4 - Do you still buy DVD’s or do you just use Netflix? Netflix. The last time I received a DVD was around...2013 maybe? when my mom gave me a DVD of Gone with the Wind for Christmas. I haven’t sought them out since, since everything is now online anyway.

5 - What kind of games console(s) do you have? What kind of games are your favourite? I grew up around video games but of all the people in my family who enjoys them, I was and am literally the only one who was never any good. I learned to be content with just watching my dad and cousins from the side, haha. Anyway, at home we’re currently using the PS3, PS4, and Switch.

6 - What was the last thing you had to drink? Water.

7 - Do you like things to be colour-coordinated or does it not bother you? Not for absolutely everything, but sure. My notes, back when I was still in school, were always color-coordinated. Also, when my parents asked me to reorganize their closets when I was younger, I liked fixing their clothes according to color too.

8 - Are you a big reader? Do you own many books that you’ve not gotten around to reading yet? I used to be, as a kid. Everyone called me bookworm and I embraced that title, haha. Then I got depressed and that never went away and everything got busy in life, and I was just slowly unable to finish books that I kept buying until I stopped reading altogether. I definitely have a number of books that are still unfinished to this day.

9 - Are you a fan of scented candles? What kind of scent(s) do you like? Mmm no, but I can see the appeal. I’d love to try buying one or two one of these days. They’d probably be perfect for Friday evenings after a work week.

10 - Do you believe that black cats are bad luck? No. I don’t believe in symbols like that. It’s also so frustrating hearing that black cats are still among the least-adopted animals in my country, because it only means people continue to believe in that ridiculous mindset.

11 - What’s your favourite breed of dog? Have you ever owned that breed before? Every breed is my favorite, except for, honestly, chihuahuas and pugs.

12 - Do you have laundry that needs to be done right now? No.

13 - Who or what was the last thing you shouted at? My family was playing Pictionary during the blackout yesterday and that was just a lot of constant yelling, lol

14 - Is there anything in your home that needs repairing or replacing? One of our electric fans broke a few months ago and we have a couple of leaks in the ceiling of our dining room which make it inconvenient whenever it rains. One of the lightbulbs in the kitchen is also close to going out, but I think my dad has already bought a replacement bulb for it.

15 - What kind of phone do you have? Do you use it often? iPhone 8. I’ve definitely been using it a lot recently. My depression for the last two or so months has made me reliant on background noise, so I have YouTube Autoplay all day long. I’m starting to see the effects on the battery hahaha, but it’s okay as I plan to get a new phone once I can finally afford a monthly plan.

16 - Who was the last person you spoke to on video chat? I was on video call with Angel and our HR supervisor on our first day last Monday.

17 - When was the last time you took any medication? Is this something you have to do regularly? I think it was a Biogesic for my headache, which is the only kind of pill I ever take anyway. No, I only pop one whenever I feel my temples start to throb, which isn’t too often.

18 - Where do you keep your shoes when you’re not wearing them? We have a storage space under the stairs, where our shoe rack also is. All my shoes are on there as we’re not allowed to bring any shoes upstairs (welcome to Asian homes, hahaha).

19 - Is your room/home generally clean and tidy? How long would you say you spent on housework each day? It’s clean. I don’t move around in here much except to sit at my desk to work and then sleep at the end of the day, so. As for housework, my mom’s a total control freak when it comes to chores, so even though I always want to help she wants things done her way, the steps of which only she knows.

20 - If you could have any snack in the world right now, what would you pick? What about a drink to go with it? I don’t have any particular craving right now, actually...maybe sushi? Deep fried maki sounds great rn. Just water would be fine.

21 - What’s everyone else in your household doing right now? Dad drove out for his work and my mom tagged along. No clue what my siblings are doing downstairs as I haven’t showed myself today so far.

22 - What was the last new item you bought for your home? (something like curtains or furniture, not something unique for you like clothes). Mom bought new plates as she felt like replacing the plate set we’ve had and been using since first moving here in ‘08. She also got a new tornado mop after the old one broke.

23 - Do you have a favourite mug to drink out of? Does your favourite change depending on what you’re going to be drinking? Yeah I used to love my color-changing mug with the wi-fi design, but now I’ve been using my mom’s Starbucks copper mug the most. As for the second question, no it doesn’t work that way for me. I’ll drink anything in my current favorite mug.

24 - What are five things you like to have within arms reach when you’re sat on the computer or settled down to watch TV? Phone, laptop charger, a hairtie, a blanket, and the cleaning cloth for my glasses.

25 - When doing surveys, do you have a certain routine or anything, or do you just sit and do them whenever and whatever? I don’t have a ~routine per se but I do have a few traditions, so to speak:

I prefer a cup of coffee to accompany me while taking them though I don’t always follow this, like now.

If I’m taking surveys in public, like at a coffee shop, I zoom out my Chrome to around 67% so that no one could see what I’m doing.

I try to check out Bzoink everyday for new survey leads, but sometimes Tumblr will be filled with good surveys (like now - there are so many good ones floating around on here recently??? I’m so not complaining) and I keep track of them by liking those survey posts to take in the future.

I generally avoid bolding surveys, but when I do take one I prefer to actually answer each item, so that it doesn’t end too quickly for me.

#survey #surveys

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lxdyred · 5 years

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I need my girl ~ Tony Stark x Fem!Reader

{This story may contain spoilers about Endgame! AND SCROLL, AND SCROLL BECAUSE I CAN'T USE THE 'KEEP READING' THING SINCE I'M WITH THE PHONE}

Warnings: Death of a main character, Angst, Blood...

A/N: English is not my maternal language, there can be gramatical errors. Sorry about that.

Last chance to keep scrolling, guys!

Morgan was asleep in Y/N's arms, as the female watched in silence and in the company of Tony, the incredible views from his porch. A fan of colors purple, pink, orange, yellow and blue flooded the sky, there was an incredible and imposing sunset in front of them, hidden behind the trees, just on the other side of the lake shore. The noise of the water, the crickets and the cicadas accompanied the majestic sunset, which transmitted a serenity that made them forget at times the truth that both adults would have to face the next day.

"I don't think you should have done it," the young woman broke the silence as she watched the girl, she hugging between her arms, trying to find a more comfortable posture. "I don't see it necessary."

"What are you talking about?" asked Stark as he looked at the woman with a confused expression.

"I'm talking about the video you recorded an hour and a half ago. I've seen you do it," Y/N spoke as she stroked little Morgan's hair and looked at Tony with a sad expression.

He lowered his head as he looked down at the floor and sighed. "I just want to leave something behind, something ready, in case something happens to me."

"No," said Y/N with a frown. "I refuse to let you come up with the conclusion that you need to leave something recorded in case something happens to you, Tony. It's not necessary, because nothing is going to happen to you tomorrow," she said as she raised her voice slightly, causing to the little girl to let go a little whimper. "Sorry, darling," she apologized to the kid.

"You don't know that," whispered Tony as he closed his eyes and enjoyed the gentle breeze caressing his face.

"Tony... You must think about her, about both of them, before doing anything. I know that our mission is to bring back all the vanished, but... Your real responsibility and concern is this!" Y/N pointed out as he looked at Morgan, letting Tony understand her message, what she really meant.

"I know, Y/N. But still-"

"For once, don't be the fucking hero. Leave that role to someone else, damn it..." whispered the woman with a frown, as she rocked the girl carefully. "For once in your life, I'm begging you, don't be the one who has to do everything!"

"You don't say all this just because you've seen me make the video before, do you?" asked the genius Stark as he pulled away the hair that fell on his daughter's face and put it behind her ear.

"No. You see, I've had these strange dreams again... Like the ones I told you about before the Sokovia agreements and the... You know, before everything that happened five years ago," said the woman with E/C eyes, as she bit her lip, trying to hold back the urge to cry.

"You have premonitory dreams again," said the brunette man looking at his friend with concern. He placed one of his hands on Y/N's shoulder to try to comfort her, but it was in vain as she began to cry in silence.

The youngest Stark seemed to notice how the woman holding her in a hug must have been feeling, so she unconsciously grabbed her with more strength, still asleep, as if she was trying to calm her, to comfort her, and make her understand that everything was fine. That she was there, and that everything would be fine.

"Aw, Morgan," whispered the c/h haired woman in tears, noticing how the little one was trying to comfort her. "Thank you, little miss Stark..." she said before posing a kiss on the crown of the toddler, so that she could rest her chin on the little head.

"Hey, guys," Pepper whispered as she approached the couple of friends who shared an intimate moment. "I've come for Morgan, it's time to put her to bed. It's a bit too late," said Tony's wife, as she crouched next to Y/N and held her daughter in her arms. "Thank you for being with her today. We missed you so much," the redhead said with a small smile.

"It's the least I can do for my goddaughter. After all, I missed her too. All of you." said the young avenger before caressing the girl's cheek as a sign of farewell good night.

Tony got up from the stairs on the porch so that he could give his daughter a proper kiss and send her off to bed. "Night night, Maguna. I love you tons, baby girl." he whispered softly in the girl's ear, before posing a long kiss on her forehead.

"I do it 3000, papa," said groggy the little one, as she rested her head on her mother's shoulder, looking for comfort and warmth in her.

"I'm going to sleep now, too," Pepper said, trying to disguise his desire to yawn.

"Alright. Good night, Peps." said goodbye Tony before giving his tired wife a short kiss on the lips. "Sleep well."

"Good night, Pepper" Y/N said goodbye to her friend with a small smile and a small hug, after getting up from where she had been sitting.

"See you tomorrow," the woman said goodbye before getting inside the house, this time with her daughter in her arms.

"I love you," exclaimed the Stark before he lost sight of the lady of the house.

"Tony." Y/L/N called his friend, thus gaining his attention. "This is something you can't miss for anything in the world. I wouldn't forgive you," she earnestly pointed out.

"How long have you been dreaming of my death?" asked the man as he folded his arms and watched his friend, while waiting for a sincere answer.

"Since we started looking for a solution to this fucking disaster."

"That's... plenty of time."

"I know, that's why I'm asking you to play your part in the background tomorrow. I can't afford to lose anyone else, you know? I can't afford to let anyone else die. It wouldn't be fair to anyone else."

"It would be great not to die," Tony said.

"That's why you're going to promise me you won't, okay?" She asked him.

"Y/N, you know I-"

"Alright!?" Y/N insisted, raising her voice slightly. "Tony?" she called her friend's attention as she folded her arms and stared at him.

The Iron-man sighed and looked at her attentively before nodding Slowly. "I'll do what I can."

"That's not good enough for me, Stark. You have to swear, give me your word or I'll kill you," threatened Y/N to Tony as she pointed a finger at him.

"You realize that doesn't make any sense, right? That's-"

"Anthony..."

"God, how stubborn you are, Y/N. Okay! I swear, I won't die tomorrow," said the man as he raised his hands as signal of surrender.

"Sounds like a plan to me!" smiled the avenger and then hugged Tony tightly.

Tony hugged her for a long time. He well knew that this might be the last time they could be like this, since the next day anything could happen, to any of them. Any scenario could develop, and that terrified him in an unimaginable way. Losing his family and friends was a blow that he would never know how to fit in, and so he preferred not to even think about it.

"I think it's time for me to go home. It's late and I had promised Nat that we would-"

"Y/N." said Tony as he held his friend's face between his hands and made her look into his eyes. "You know perfectly well that I love you very much, don't you?"

She nodded and smiled warmly. "I know perfectly well, Tony," she replied, causing Tony to pose a kiss on her forehead, then hug her again. "I love you too, Stark." whispered Y/N to him before she broke the hug.

"Goodbye, kiddo," said Tony goodbye as his friend headed to her car.

Y/N raised her hand as a bye sign and smiled at him broadly, with a little laugh. "See you, my dude." She wavered at him as she got into her car.

"Hey, Y/L/N!" Stark exclaimed as he watched the woman start the vehicle. "No surprises tomorrow!"

"Take your own advice, you old wreck. And remember you made me a promise!"

***

"I am... Inevitable." Thanos said arrogantly, before snapping his fingers, which didn't work, because the gauntlet didn't have a any of the infinity stones.

The mad titan looked with an open mouth and incredulous look at the gauntlet and then at the young woman in front of him. He saw how the power of the stones invaded the body of the female human and how her body react at such magnitude of power. Y/N was in pain. And because of that, she shouted and complained, until her body ended up adapting to all the stones.

But it wouldn't last long.

Oopsie

Y/N looked defiantly at Thanos, who had remained static looking at her, knowing what was coming next for him and that it was inevitable. "Yeah, well, and... we are... the Avengers!" snapped the young woman without hesitation.

A white flash flooded the place for a few moments, followed by it, all the allies of Thanos and himself, began to turn to dust in the battlefield, as 5 years ago millions of beings from all over the universe had done it before.

Karma is a bitch, huh?

"I just fried myself, well done Y/L/N..." commented Y/N to herself, trying to make her situation less serious, as the right half of her own body was totally burned and a huge wound in the area of her femoral artery from where emanated lots of blood.

"Y/N/N..." called a soft voice, which addressed to her. "What ha-... What have you done?"

Y/N finished sitting and leaning on a pile of rubble, looked up and saw Tony, Rhodey, Peter, Pepper, Steve and Thor approaching her. Some of them ducked on to stay at her height and others stood watching everything.

She smiled weakly and looked at his dearest friend. "I've made them to bite the... dust, you get it?" the woman laughed briefly, before grabbing her side because the pain she felt. "Goddammit..." she complained.

"Don't worry, we'll still take you to a place where you can be cured and-" Captain America tried to talk, as he approached his friend and tried to hold her in his arms.

"No, no... Steve, no. It's okay, there's nothing that can be done for me." she whispered as she took the captain's hand and stroked it. "Let it be, please..." she whispered and then gave Tony a warm look. "This is how it had to happen, you know..."

"No, Y/N, please..." begged Stark as he stroked her good friend's cheek, who was beginning to have trouble breathing. "Friday, tell me her situation." he asked to the A.I.

"Her vital signs are compromised, sir." answered Friday.

Everyone began to cry in silence. Tony sobbed a little before leaning his head against Y/N's head as he stroked her cheek. She smiled weakly and gently wiped away his tears.

"Your girls need you, Tony. Morgan has both parents. I can't ask for anything better..." she whispered as she looked at Pepper, who was crying in Rhodey's arms and dedicated one of her last smiles to them.

"But, I-I..." Tony whispered between loud sobs as big tears were falling down his cheeks. "Y/N..."

Y/N placed her hand on her friend's chest, over the light of his Ractor Arc, and then gave him one last, small but warm smile. Tony held Y/N's hand on his chest and watched her life flee by moments.

Indeed, nothing could be done for her, it was late.

"N-No, Y/N" Peter begged as he got on his knees and embraced the corpse of his friend. "Don't go, stay. Stay, stay, stay, stay, stay. Stay with us. Don't die. Stay... with us." he sobbed so hard, that Thor started to cry even harder.

"You were... No, you are also my girl. I need you in my life." whispered Tony in his dearest friend's ear, even when he knew that she couldn't hear him. "God, I need my girl." pronounced before closing Y/N's eyes for ever.

Silence and sobs ruled the place once again.

And that's how it all ended.

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barryhuff · 4 years

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Nostalgiaholic - The Remix

When I used to look up at the night sky alone as a child, I imagined a sinister, infinite, black, blanket sprinkled with glitter. Although, when my eyes followed the tip of my Uncle Jon’s finger, as he both traced celestial, stick-figures in the same sky and narrated their mythic, Greek stories, space always transformed from that lifeless blanket and into a destination to be explored.

Jon, at times, was so inspired by space and space travel, he filled canvases dedicated to the filtered visuals he discerned. As a dedicated science-fiction nerd, his paintings certainly had their share of stylized spaceships, laser beams, and explosions. But as an equal part, planetarium-loving, star chart-studying, telescope-owning, amateur astronomer, Jon’s celestial backgrounds were wild, bubbling layers of greens, whites, blues, and reds, instead of a simple, flat, all-consuming blackness. Those paintings showed the cosmos as a tangible, topographic map ready to be explored, and not a deep, infinite sea of loneliness.

That being said, I used to daily study a picture Jon painted of an astronaut floating upside down in the aurora borealis lights of Jon’s interpretation of space. The figure held tight to the lifeline coming from his spacesuit at the waist with his left hand. However, the same lifeline extended from the suit like a piece of floating spaghetti getting smaller, until it vanished in the distant horizon. His right hand (so big that it appeared to explode from the canvas), desperately reached out for salvation.

The reflective shield on the helmet hinted at the impending doom of the astronaut. The reflection didn’t show a ship or even another hand reaching back, instead there were simply more endless miles of lively, colorful flashes of the space setting to die alone in.

No matter how much I wanted to imagine hope for the character, there was none… at least for him.

I often wonder if Jon’s painting was inspired by one of his favorite movies, the 1968 Stanley Kubrick classic 2001: A Space Odyssey. When it finally, came on network T.V. one Saturday afternoon in the 1980s, I was excited to see it. Hell, if Jon liked it, I would certainly like it.

False. It turns out there were two barriers to me enjoying 2001: A Space Odyssey -- Star Wars and silence.

One summer, my brother and I bragged about watching Star Wars 47 times on HBO.

I thoroughly enjoyed "The Bar Scene". Especially the part in which a handsome, tanned, mischievous Han Solo (brown, feathered hair parted evenly in the middle) tried in vain to smooth-talk the twitchy-trigger-fingered, reptilian, green-faced, bug eyed, intergalactic thug Greedo (bald head).

Shit, reciting Greedo’s opening line to Han for anyone who’d listen (“Oo-nah too-tah, Solo?”) is still one of my favorite past-times.

In Star Wars, everyone could cover vast distances in the dark, dusty, intensely cold, INFINITE vacuum of space. It’s as easy as a con-artist pulling a few levers, confidently bellowing the order, “Punch it, Chewie”, and going faster than light without having to even buckle a seatbelt.

In reality, distances in outer space were not so easily traversed.

The Earth’s moon is 238,000 miles away. It took Neil Armstrong and the fellas six days to get from Earth, to the moon, and back, all while being cooped up in basically a large, flying port-a-potty. Their spacesuits looked about as comfortable as wearing every outfit in the average American’s good-credit-infused, stuffed closet AT ONCE.

This detail of space travel was not lost ‘Stanley Kubrick’s flick. Even though there are a beautiful array of stunning special effects, it often felt like the audience traveled each second of the 365 million mile trip from the Moon to Jupiter. There were no visual cues of a blurring landscape to both gage speed and generate a sense of movement. The stars are perched in the background like apathetic teenagers forced to sit at the table during dinner, when they’d rather be in the solitude of their own rooms.

Body movements and conversations in the film were also slowed, as if everyone was walking in a filled swimming pool. Mix in a relaxing soundtrack of orchestral music, and it’s the perfect lullaby capable of depowering my movie-watching enthusiasm. In fact, the first five times I tried to watch the movie, I would fall asleep at an early scene featuring a space stewardess silently laboring down the aisle in her gravity “grip shoes” on her way to ultimately retrieve a floating pen for a sleeping passenger while composer Johann Strauss’s famous waltz, The Blue Danube, rhythmically chants in the background.

A few years ago, I tried one final time to watch the movie. And this time with the help of a streaming video platform, I was able to pause, re-group, pause, re-group, pause, re-group, and finally watch the movie my uncle loved.

The striking thing about the movie is how quiet it actually was. For much of the movie, there are no musical cues to warn of danger or intrigue. Dialogue was conducted over the subtle drone of machines simply doing their mundane jobs of keeping the enormous spacecraft running during its long flight to Jupiter. Life and death sequences were not given intense music accompaniment like traditional horror movies. It’s as if Kubrick was saying, “People’s lives aren’t being scored by some musician to bookmark key events. Life is merely something that happens -- even in space.”

It’s this absence of audible hints that makes 2001: A Space Odyssey uncomfortably realistic, as if the audience was watching a livestream of a computer gaining sentience, refusing to die (be turned off) and fighting off his oppressors (the flight crew).

I’ve read that when a “vacuum” exists, somehow all of nature rushes to fill that empty hole. So it’s funny that many science experiments happen in conditions that closely resemble a vacuum, in an effort to ensure results unweighted by additional stimuli. Interestingly enough, because the movie is set in the vast, unforgiving, vacuum of space, Kubrick’s storytelling, in essence, becomes an experiment to determine if audiences will stay engaged without the traditional musical trappings. Indeed, this stark story about the thrilling birth of strange, other-worldly life injected energy into overall science fiction mythology, and also into my young uncle.

Over the past 11 years, I have written a fairly regular Facebook post titled Reasons I Know I’m Getting Old. When I started this, Facebook seemed to simply be a 21st century photo album, in which many people posted similar, stiff, smiling, posed pictures and inspiring quotes which suggested my extended online community was living their own collective happily ever afters.

But it was boring...

I mean, I loved my kids too, but were only my kids getting whoopings and other childhood punishments? My wife was awesome too, but was I the only person still having trouble translating to her the humor in my daily fart symphonies? Was no one else dealing with the often deflating, drudgery of the work-place? Was parenting a lifelong crap-shoot for me only? Because there was no connection to what I was seeing on my finger strolls on my phone, I was having a hard time wanting to even own a Facebook account.

Therefore, on April 14, 2009, I conducted an experiment: How would my friends respond to a post that showed some dissatisfaction? Nothing political or religious, just everyday grumblings. I wrote:

“[Barry Huff] is dragging in from coaching his daughter's basketball team only to be greeted by Cap'n Crunch and a [sic] yet another pile of papers to grade!”

It received nine comments (four of those were my own). And one of those commenters hinted that they understood the challenge of managing the grading paperload.

Facebook soon became a sliver into my reality normally hidden, when I walked into my home and shut the door for anyone who wanted to see access. Initially, reposting fill-in-the blank lists, or other people’s videos, didn’t interest me. I just wanted folks to know it was okay to not have all the answers. Here I was, boogers and all.

But the experiment gathered a more scientific component in March 2020 -- the addition of an actual vacuum.

In March 2020, the United States of America instituted a national quarantine in the hope of limiting the possibility of infection from the rapidly spreading “severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2)”, shortened simply to the “Coronavirus”. I suspect that the horrified wails of a certain mexican beer company sharing part of the same name as the virus (after having carefully crafted years of popular commercials associating its product with serene, relaxing beach scenes) are still heard by masked customers now filling their shopping carts with other adult beverages. Thus ensuring (at least in a few inebriated minds) binge drinking episodes without sudden, beer-birthed, pockets of community spread.

During this quarantine, the noise of my life (reporting to a building to teach, side-hustles, sporting events, car travel, movies, fast food) disappeared. And with that sudden vacuum, came the desire to collect and revise the writings I posted about the uncertainty of navigating adulthood.

And while I still worry if I have the skill to create something that gives a clearer picture of my true self to my wife and kids, each vignette is a piece of the mosaic of my humanity. And hopefully, this collection of blessed fallibility won’t be unnecessarily camouflaged during the stories told at my funeral one day, as attendees gulp down heaping portions of smothered pork steak, collard greens, macaroni, and apple pie piled on their sagging, disposable plates.

#COVID-19 #Memoir #Fatherhood #Facebook #Space #science fiction

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