#I understand that you're passionate about this topic

[legomonkiefics]

Hello! I hope you’re doing good! I’m not sure if this has been done yet, but I got an idea for a fluff (possibly a pinch of angst?) scenario!:

Any, all or two of the traffic light trio sillies (Mei, Red Son, MK), with an s/o GN!reader that’s an experienced healer who takes care of them after a tough battle against a monster of your choosing. Maybe they have a heartfelt conversation afterwards, or during the process of patching them up, about getting themselves in danger for the sake of saving the world? 👀

Been thinking a lot about this since s5 lmao. Haven’t fully recovered yet 💀

🍜💛 Healing a Trio —🐉💚 Traffic Light Trio x GN Healer!Reader HCs 🔥❤️

Genres: Fluff || they/them pronouns for reader || No warnings needed

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁⋆˚｡⋆୨🍜🐉🔥୧⋆˚｡⋆✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ . ݁˖

- It had been a fight with a huge hawk demon, one that MK was pretty confident he could take, especially cause Mei could use her bike to move closer to the threat. Red Son was roped in by circumstance, begrudgingly working with the heroes to defeat the threat. The attack was a surprise, so there wasn't much the Trio was prepared to do. Once it finally ended, they were sufficiently scratched, scuffed, battered, and bruised

- The three had come to you a little hesitantly. They didn't like feeling like they were bothering you, especially because these always ended in some deep conversations about the nature of self-sacrafice and priorities. When you'd opened your door to the three and allowed them in without many questions, they filed in, MK and Mei attempting lighthearted jokes right off the bat to diffuse tension

- MK, for as much as he gets hurt, sucks at getting patched up. He hisses and writhes if the topical medicine stings, yelping and whining at the unpleasant sensations. He's a very dramatic patient, but a very talkative one as well

- He tells you about the fight, reassuring you that he already remembers the conversations you'd both had before about these things. He's not exactly happy having to sit still while getting bandaids and bandages applied, but he's obviously still proud of his victory

- He's more quiet when you're closer, focusing on the feeling of your hands on his skin, the gentle and reliable touch providing a sense of safety and warmth. He feels his heart swell seeing the determined expression you have while working, and little flutters when you occasionally banter back. This routine between you was familiar, it was comforting. He felt safe under your care

- Mei, meanwhile, is also a pretty passionate speaker, but much less of a whiner than MK. Her problems are mostly just squirming from being hyperactive and wound up on adrenaline, frequently trying to hop off of your workbench to demonstrate a move

- Your gentle chastising with Mei is unique, specifically taking time to address how she feels being on the sideline of missions these days, and having to hold things together for MK most of the time. She feels like she can have that full honesty with you, your complete confidentiality and understanding helping to hold her together

- She flirts with you more openly than the other two. Any time you're close enough, she points out something about your face to compliment. She offers to help you do small things, asking questions about your job and what kinda stuff you see outside of the Monkey Crew

- Red Son, like the others, is a talker. His ramblings are closer to ranting and raving, and outside of waving his arms or doing grand dramatic gestures, he's more still than the other two

- Conversations about his family are what come up most often, when he isn't bragging about his villainy or latest attacks on the town. More recently he's been talking a lot about working as a food vendor. It's nice to see him happy about something that doesn't come from malicious intent

- He allows himself to show past his anger and be more vulnerable with you. He's a hint softer, a little more willing to be honest and open with you. He loves your willingness to do this for them, and he tells you frequently how much he admires you and your work

- The three usually stick around for a few hours after each appointment, talking with you and telling you about everything you my have missed in their lives. They treasure their individual time with you, and Mei and MK especially try to hype you up all the time to show their thanks

- They invite you out every once in a while to have some hangouts without medicine or injury in the picture. They introduce you as a vital member of the team to others and get protective of you during battles

[seldom-equivocate]

...I'm sorry?

I'm not antisemetic. I wrote the above response last night while tired, and forgot that anti-Israel isn't the same thing as pro-Palestine. After all, anti- Russia doesn't mean I want the Russian state to stop existing, it means that I disagree with it's actions.

I'm sorry for that mix-up, and I'll change the wording in my original post.

Also: "You can fuck right the fuck off, you antisemitic, racist, anti-arab noble-savage-peddling asswipe."?

I'm fourteen.

I don't think it's a requirement to look at someone's blog before reblogging, but if it is, then you obviously didn't look at my blog, or my response.

Internet 101 isn't avoiding scams, it's thinking before you respond.

saying it's "anti-arab racism" to call out gofundme scams is like saying it's antiblack to be skeptical of emails from the prince of nigeria asking you to wire money so you can collect vast fortunes.

[tunacharm]

I understand feeling guilty about having outdoor cats, but please let that guilt inspire you to making a better, safer life for your kitties instead of becoming defensive and angry! It never feels good to realize that you were maybe doing something that wasn't always the best, but it doesn't make you a bad person for not knowing or thinking differently. Dogs also seem happy to be outside, but we know it isn't okay to let them roam freely with no supervision. We have leash laws for a reason. Sorry if I'm overstepping, animal welfare means a lot to me, and I don't think people should reject a message that ultimately is better for you, your cats and the environment because some people are mean about it. Some people are mean about everything, but I don't think that makes it okay to shut your eyes to the problem because of the tone it was delivered in. People get heated because we all really care about animals, and I don't think it's right to accuse people of not loving their cats or abusing them, but the truth is cats are invasive, and there are so many dangers out there.

oh you're so kind, you're not overstepping 🥺

also don't worry, i do accept that outdoor cats are No Good. i have a cat myself and she is a full indoor princess, only going outside under my supervision. my family has always had outdoor cats and i didn't know how bad it was until a few years ago, and now any new cats we have are fully indoor only as well. i actually only have one outdoor cat now, and it would be impossible to keep her inside.

i fully understand where you're coming from, and i agree! my issue is when the people of tumblr form this angry mob about an issue and it's like. no one is going to listen to your point if you're being an asshole. it happens quite often with a variety of issues, and i just really hate the culture of people hating on something they disagree with. it's something i have noticed that happens often on tumblr and i guess my contrarian attitude comes into play lol. i do 100% agree that outside cats are very harmful and letting your cats outside introduces them to the dangers as well as the local populations.

i really appreciate your kindness though!! i think understanding is the opposite of prejudice, and a lot of people on tumblr have this self-righteous attitude when it comes to issues they think are a no brainer. it just pisses me off when people are incredibly rude and hateful to those they believe have a "wrong opinion". i think i might just be a little bit of an asshole and a devils advocate too lol

cheers friend and i hope you have a good one!!

[nothorses]

I was talking with my dad recently & we got on the topic of People Thinking They Can't Do Things, and like, he is at his core a well-intentioned person who genuinely wants the best for others, but he has definitely internalized some harmful ideas a la "anyone can do anything, the only thing stopping them is their own attitude". so I was like. I see where you're coming from, but let me tell you a story.

last year, I worked with 10 year olds- many of whom had never really spent time outdoors- in an outdoor education program where they came to spend a whole week doing shit outside in nature. the top two scariest experiences for these kids were 1) very tall metal tower, and 2) walking outside at night in the dark with no flashlights.

I tried a lot of different things to persuade them all to join me for each experience: I presented it with enthusiasm and passion, I did physical demonstrations and scientific explanations to help them understands how safe it was, I voiced my absolute commitment to their safety, I invited them to brainstorm ways to help each other and themselves feel safe, etc.

generally I always had at least 2-3 kids out of about 10 who opted out, or if they did join me, would spend the entire experience crying and freaking out. when it was over, they would conclude that even though they did not die- or even get hurt- it was so scary that it wasn't worth it and they never wanted to do it again.

then I changed the question I asked. instead of asking them to tell me whether they could do it or couldn't do it, I asked them to raise their hand for one of three options:

You can definitely do this.

It will be hard or scary or uncomfortable, but you can try to do this.

It will definitely be too hard, scary, or uncomfortable, and you cannot or should not try to do this.

suddenly, almost nobody was opting out of these experiences.

they would try, even if they were scared, because they know that being scared didn't necessarily mean that they couldn't do it at all. and more importantly, they knew that if they needed to stop, that was an option; they weren't trapped in their decision to try.

and the real takeaway here, for me, is in the nuance: people need to be able to challenge themselves and to be uncomfortable in order to grow, and people need to be able to opt out in order for opting in to be a safe option.

[esperderek]

I have to have a chuckle at the Screenrant article posted recently about the Galactic Starcruiser, which totally wasn't about Jenny Nicholson's video honest.

In part, because early in Nicholson's video, she talks about how unnatural it is to have your influencers speak in adcopy and copyright rather than the more colloquial nicknames, and how it makes the people speaking about the product seem very insincere and, well, paid off. Because normal humans don't speak that way, but advertising does.

What's the first two lines in this article?

"As a life-long fan of Star Wars, there was nothing quite as exciting as finding out that I would be working on the immersive Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser experience. Located at the Walt Disney World Resort, the Galactic Starcruiser opened on March 1, 2022, and welcomed passengers to board a two-day, two-night cruise through the stars, during which they could live out their own Star Wars adventure."

No one talks like this naturally. No one writes like this naturally.

This is supposed to be your passioned defense of the place you worked at, the people you worked with, and the memories you made along the way. C'mon! Why don't you open with a story, perhaps an anecdote about the best moment you had working there, or the devastation of the day you lost your dream job. We need to feel your humanity! But there's nothing of that here, to the point where you can just hear the TM behind Galactic Starcruiser.

The first half of this article continues in this vein, reading like a press release Disney marketing put out, just with past tense rather than present or future tense:

"Essentially, the Starcruiser experience was a 48-hour movie that passengers were actually a part of. It was all facilitated through the "datapad," which was accessed through the Play Disney Parks app."

"To facilitate the overarching immersive experience and storytelling, the Starcruiser built a jam-packed itinerary for each and every guest that would consist of a variety of important activities: the captain's toast at muster, a bridge training exercise, lightsaber training, and more. These types of events were essential to understanding what was happening, as they would give passengers the chance to interact with characters and build their story. This is why the Starcruiser could never be just a hotel; every part of it was designed for enthusiastic interaction."

Like, c'mon. I used to work in television. I've seen and used adcopy in my former job, and this is some serious adcopy. It honestly wouldn't shock me if the author dredged up some old adcopy they had lying around about the topic and just transferred it over, changing the tense. You're not here to sell us this product, because there is no product to sell. It's gone, it's been gone for a year, you don't have to sell us on IT. Speak about your experiences.

The next part is yet another topic that Jenny Nicholson pointed out, the bad faith excuses that influencers and advertisers made for the extreme price point:

"What many people don't know, however, is that the price included much more than just a room. The passengers' food, park tickets, recreation activities on board, non-alcoholic drinks, and more were all included - with merchandise being one of the few additional costs on board."

Which is absolute bad faith reasoning, especially when there are plenty of other vacation options that are ALSO all-inclusive, but are MUCH cheaper and offer MORE amenities than the Galactic Starcruiser did! Including Disney Cruises, owned by the same company! Seriously, you can go on a halfway decent sounding cruise or all-inclusive resort somewhere warm for, like, a week or two and spend far less than GSC cost.

Then the last part is essentially: "All the workers liked working there and the bad reviews afterwards make the workers who worked on it feel sad. :("

Which, like, companies have been hiding behind that reasoning for ages. Curiously, the author never offers....any reasons or stories. WHY did working on it impact you so much? What set it apart, what were the people like, what did you like about working there, why are you so passionate about it even a year later? There's nothing, just a generic sort of "We worked hard." and "We're sad it's gone." Why? How? What happened? The video you're obviously writing this in response to is filled with personal anecdotes and stories, it's the backbone of the video! Again, you need to give us something to show your humanity!

Especially when you consider that Nicholson repeatedly points out that the only highlight about her experience, the only thing that kept the damn thing going was the workers.

She had nothing but praise for them, and nothing but contempt for the higher ups who wasted and abused that enthusiasm, to the point where one of her last points was "Hey, Disney is basically exploiting labor."

Much like Jenny, I'm also not condemning anyone who had a good time working there. Good! If you were having a good time at work, that's great. If you have good memories about the people, awesome. But I'll note two things:

a) That doesn't meant you weren't being exploited, and

b) That doesn't mean you have to be a useful idiot for the corporation you worked for afterwards.

I'm not conspiracy brained enough to go "Oh, Disney TOTALLY forced this article into being.", because a cursory examination of the author's prior works and such suggests a lifelong passion for Star Wars, she did work at the hotel, and she's a Star Wars Editor (whatever THAT means in this day and age) for Screen Rant. Apparently one of the heads of Screen Rant says that Disney had no hand in it either.

Though, I can see why people would think that way. It READS like a press release, not something a normal human being would write about an experience they feel passionate about.

[radmista]

Here once again to say: Sleep deprivation causes ADHD like symptoms.

This does not mean you have adhd. You are an instant gratification junkie, but you're also probably sleep deprived from binging TV and endlessly scrolling social media before bed. (On top of also probably being an overworked middle/highschooler, tired college/grad student, or overworked employee).

Take a nap and watch how your brain fog, forgetfulness, distractibility , and hyperactivity (jitters, leg bouncing tics etc) magically vanish.

you do not have ADD or ADHD. you live a soft life where you are coddled and instantly gratified by technology and your attention span and work ethic has suffered because of it. you are not an idiot in perpetuity because your brain "doesn't work". it is a trainable muscle. listen to classical music, read books, turn your phone off, and stop watching TV.

[writteninkat]

What made you fall for these MHA men?

w/ Bakugou, Kirishima, Midoriya, Todoroki, Kaminari

warnings: none, just some good ol' fluff

a/n: idk man i feel like most people(me) goes straight to the fucking stage and skips the adorable crush stage

navigation

KATSUKI BAKUGOU

this man is so fucking smart it turns you to goo

whenever you're having trouble with schoolworks/projects/assignments, you sit yourself next to him just to get the work done fast (and he smells and looks good so plus points ig)

find long math problems difficult? mans will take one look at it and immediately start scribbling. probably witchcraft, you don't know.

one moment you're complaining to mina about how your teacher can suck dick after giving you the assigment, the next katsuki has the answer in a box

chemistry problems? mans has the entire table memorized.

history? which one? japanese? american? french?

ah, he also butts in your conversations whenever you get the date wrong.

yeah he teaches you stuff you're having trouble understanding, but he will yell the entire time.

yeah, he teaches the topics worlds better than the teacher ever could but at the cost of your hearing

seeing his name listed along the top students with high marks has you inspired to do just as better as him

you tried confessing by giving him a love letter and he returned it to you with corrections TT (and a note that said: rewrite this and read it to me in person, then I'll take you out for some ramen)

EIJIRO KIRISHIMA

he's the sweetest ever, who wouldn't fall for him?

you're having terrible period cramps? this man will have a 'period aid box' filled with sweets, sanitary products, pain relievers, a heating pad, and more of your favorite things delivered to your door

it's pouring and you forgot your umbrella?

if he has an umbrella: will obv share it with you and doesn't care if half his body gets drenched, what matters is you're dry

no umbrella: takes off his uniform jacket/vest and drapes it over you. you'll end up damp but hey, he tried his best

whenever there's a new place, (restaurant, fair, amusement park, etc.) you're the first one he's asking to join him. and you always go. and he always pays.

hurt yourself? scraped a knee, got a bruise, muscle ache? he has a first aid pouch in his bag just for you

always walks you to class, always struggles with you when doing homework, always brings you your favorite food/drink

problem? he does all of this and will still call you a 'friend'. 'best friend' if you're lucky.

yeah, this adorable boy has no idea all the shit he does has you falling head over heels in love for him

IZUKU MIDORIYA

the way he's so passionate about what he loves, then catches himself being so open about it, then blushes, has you swooning

it was a normal day when you asked him about all might. you ended up listening to him for two hours ranting and sharing

you thought, 'how cute.' and then remembered you had piles of homework to do. and then he offered to help you with them while still talking about all might

he's also incredible passionate about being a hero

the way he talks about keeping the weak and needy safe has your heart clenching

whenever you get hurt during quirk training? he drops everything to take you to the nurse

feel insecure about yourself? he goes on a never ending tangent about how you're enough and how amazing you are

whenever you feel like you aren't gonna reach a goal, he's right there to pump you back up

whenever you tease him about being handsome or cute, he gets all flushed and shy, he makes you wanna just nibble on his cheeks!

problem here? he does that with everyone.

he's an inherintly good person, so you can't blame him for it, you can only blame yourself for thinking you were special to him.

or are you?

SHOTO TODOROKI

you're a yapper. you're running your mouth twenty four-seven. and twenty four hours every day, he listens. quietly.

at first you thought he was just ignoring you, but he brings up what you babbled about from time to time.

you talked about your mom being in the hospital. the next day, your mom's calling you to tell 'your classmate i said thank you for the fruits'.

mmhmm. he gave your mom fruits as a 'get well soon' gift.

shoto listens to every word you say, even when you don't realize you're saying them

"i heard the smoothie at that new diner was good." next day, there's a take out smoothie on your desk

"remind me to get pads tomorrow." your desk is filled with every single kind of sanitary product you could think of, from wings, non wings, long, dry, thick, thin, day, night.

"does anybody have an extra pen-" he places his pencil case on your table.

you don't even have to ask him and he's already working on getting you whatever you want. swoon.

another thing that made you fall? he'll let you do anything to him

class is boring and you wanna draw? he'll give you his hands

wanna practice some hairstyles? his hair is incredibly soft and tame for that.

how about make up looks? wanna practice that? he's sitting cross legged on the floor of your dorm as you brush on whatever color on his face

he's totally fine with letting you do whatever you want. and you wanna know the best part? he only lets you do it.

DENKI KAMINARI

this man cracks you up with no fail

the way denki's so easy to talk to and have fun with makes you feel so safe and secure

he's got every kind of humor in his chamber

dad jokes? "what did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? oh sheet!"

corny jokes? "how many lips does a flower have? tu-lips."

dark humor? "why can't orphans play baseball? cause they don't know where home is!"

yeah- the last one you two whisper to each other during class and get sent out of the room for laughing too loud

you don't remember a day where you spent with him and you weren't laughing. you just feel so light and happy, he's like a drug to you

this dynamic between the both of you confuses people. some look at the both of you and think you're a duo misfit who constantly gets called out during class, and some give you teasing looks

when you started to notice these feelings for him, you couldn't help but grin at the thought of marrying your best friend.

what made you really feel for him though?

when you were sick for a day, your classmates came back to the dorms begging you to fet better quickly cause apparently the room was depressing

even katsuki cursed you out for being sick

apparently denki's mood affected everybody. and that mood was-

"today was tiring without you there." denki sighs, staring at nothing while the heat of his body beside you comforts you completely. it's always like this with him- warm, peaceful, happy.

"awe, did you miss me you big baby?" you tease, poking his side.

denki turns his head towards you, eyes holding a million words he wants to say, but for some reason, can't.

"i did." his eyes trail down your nose and to your lips. "so much."

your lips part, heart about to beat out of your rib cage. your mouth feels dry and you can't help the desire to tell him everything you feel for him- but you can't. you don't wanna risk ruining your friendship.

"yellow," he calls. ever since you laughed at his joke for the first time, he's been calling you yellow. he says your laugh magically brightens the room, the sight of your smile lifting the heaviness on his shoulder. "smile for me?"

and you do.

and he does.

and you know you're extraordinarily, remarkably, so very fucked when it comes to this man.

[philip-the-nickel]

Marketing did Elemental DIRTY

Just saw the movie, it was well worth the watch. The trailer made the movie look like some half assed race metaphor Zootopia ripoff with a canned, rehashed love story you've seen a million times.

Let me be clear, Elemental was none of the things the trailer made you believe it was.

First things first, The Romance:

There's a reason aro/ace people are flocking to this movie. The main couple falls in love without having to rely on any passionate kisses or hand holding; they fall for each other based on who they are, their personalities, their interests, their appreciation of the other's uniqueness. The central hand holding comes at a point in the movie well after the two are established as a couple, and have gone on many dates together. This movie makes their characters fall in love over mutual appreciation, not physical chemistry, and its such a genuine, sweet, wholesome romance to see play out

On top of that, this movie goes into a lot of aspects of immigrant life and the expectations that come with being a first born in a new country. The romance does not shy away from this or sweep it under the rug. The romance blossoms as the two learn more about each other, and come to understand and respect those differences.

Second, the movie isn't about romance, its about being an immigrant.

I came into this movie expecting zootopia 2: now with elements, and what I got was a heart-wrenching look into the life of a first generation child in a new land, born to immigrant parents. The movie absolutely does NOT sugar coat things, showing not only an ellis island moment of having your name changed, but also a number of topics ranging from having to navigate in a city made for people who are nothing like you, being denied housing, micro-aggressions, and straight up being denied entry to public places based on who you are.

The true heart of this movie is about the child of immigrants realizing the life she wants for herself, struggling with disappointing people who gave up everything they had so they could give you a better life, repaying that sacrifice and what a burden it feels like, and somehow facing the truth of who and what is staring back at you from the mirror.

Third, and lastly, the movie is absolutely beautiful

The trailers did this movie dirty. You never saw the refracting lights from firelight streaming through water, you didn't see the glassblowing, or how the fire dies down to barely a wisp when Ember is sad to burning like a wildfire when she's angry. You didn't see the scene underwater with the tree and |Spoilers|, you didn't see the world building or the character design that went into the background characters. This movie is absolutely beautiful, and uses light as both a visual treat and a metaphor for the movie's themes. Its absolutely gorgeous.

So, if you're wondering whether to skip this movie or watch it, I'm telling you now: ignore the trailers and go see this in theaters.

[pargolettasworld]

So, because I am incurably, morbidly curious, I watched Jessie Gender's four-hour-and-seventeen-minute-long video on . . . well, the title suggests "Zionism, Antisemitism, and the Left." To her credit, Gender does touch on all three of these topics, though not with the same degree of skill, graciousness, or understanding of the topics at hand. I've just had a very nice dinner, and I'm feeling generous, so let's see how this video stacks up. Strap in. This is going to get long.

I should admit right off the bat that I'm only a casual, occasional watcher of Jessie Gender. I'm not a deep fan, and I'm sure there is Jessie Gender Lore��� out there that I'm not aware of, but I think I've seen enough of her videos to get a general sense of her house style. This video hits a lot of the hallmarks of her style. She speaks very fast and very passionately, occasionally trips over her own words (something that I've done many a time, so I really do feel that), and is inordinately fond of nominalizations. She's especially fond of the word "ostracization," for some reason, which drives me nuts because "ostracism" is right there. So, in style, it appears to hew to the Jessie Gender House Style pretty well.

On to the video itself. The first thing I will observe about it is that it is in every possible way a meeting that could have been an email. There was no need for this to be the same length as the Extended Edition of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003). There's a lot of padding, significant digressions, and a certain degree of repetition. It's easy to forget the beginning of the video by the time you're an hour into the thing.

The major question that hangs over this opus is: Why, and for whom, was it made? I'm honestly not sure who the intended audience for this thing is, nor why Gender felt that she had to make it. She alludes in the first half hour to feeling like she's lost the trust and support of some of her Jewish fans/friends/acquaintances/Patreon patrons, and she chalks it up to a previous video that she made (which I have not seen, and which I am not inclined to seek out). But neither the structure nor the thesis nor the conclusion of the video seem like they would win back any of these folks.

I don't think that Jewish viewers are her intended audience -- certainly not with the way she talks about Jews throughout the video. I'm also having a hard time believing that really committed leftists are her audience, either, since I don't think she's really saying much that leftists haven't already heard, or offering new perspectives on her topic(s). And anyone who has made it this far into the year of 5784 and is still undecided about the contemporary iteration of The Jewish Question is probably not going to be interested in sitting through nearly four and a half hours of relentless lecture. So I'm still left wondering why, and for whom, did Jessie Gender make this video?

Gender assures us, her viewers, of several things that are meant to be reassuring. She's done lots and lots of research, for one thing. And she's asked some-of-her-best-friends-who-are-Jewish to be sensitivity readers. We're given to understand that we are hearing the nitpicked, edited, and polished version of the script. I'd hate to see what the first draft looked like . . .

She also tells us that there are going to be lots of Foreign Words And Names, and that she and her mouth-hole have A Hard Time pronouncing Foreign Words And Names. Her loyal staff have made her a pronunciation guide -- which appears to have been used perhaps as a drinks coaster, since there are some howlers here. The Jews originating from the MENA regions are the "Misrai" (Mizrahi) Jews, the first Prime Minister of Israel was "David Ben-Gron" (David Ben-Gurion), the Revisionist Zionist leader was "Zeeeeeeeeev Zarbinsky" (Ze'ev Jabotinsky), and the Palestinian uprisings of 1987 - 1993 and 2000 - 2005 go by the name "Infitada" (Intifada).

You know that phrase "If white people can learn to say Tchaikovsky and Schwarzenegger, they can learn to say [your name from an African or Asian language]?" I agree completely with the conclusion, but I question the premise. Jessie Gender makes me question the premise harder. If she had any real interest in the topic, she would have practiced those names, but I don't think she does, so she didn't.

Moving on to the actual content of the video. It's . . . weird. Jessie Gender begins the video believing that Zionism is an evil force for colonialism, White supremacy, oppression, and genocide. She ends the video believing that Zionism is an evil force for colonialism, White supremacy, oppression, and genocide. But along the way, she's confronted with quite a lot of inconvenient facts that threaten to complicate this perspective.

Gender devotes roughly two hours and fifteen minutes of her video, a smidge over half of the runtime, on three segments that offer a history of Zionism, the iterations of Zionism as a political ideology, and what she calls "Zionism as emotion," which is a condescending way to refer to the importance of Zionism to Jews. I'd guess that her research for these segments might have surprised her. It turns out, per Jessie Gender, that there is both a reason behind and a context for nineteenth-century Zionism, quite a lot of logic behind why the Jews wanted to go to Israel, and ample evidence that a majority of Jews have some kind of stake in both Israel and some variation of Zionism.

The reason I think that this research might have surprised her is that she ends each of these segments with a small diatribe about the evil colonialist, capitalist, oppressive, genocidal force that is Zionism, even as the segments suggest nuance, logic, and reason behind the philosophy. We can't have that on a good lefty video, though, can we? The more Gender confronts evidence that there is more to Zionism than meets her eyes, the more she doubles down, digs in her heels, and refuses to accept even the barest shreds of non-negativity about Zionism. Every now and then, she comes up with a lovely sentence or two that shows some understanding of a Jewish perspective on the world, but then furiously backpedals -- we mustn't forget that this Jewish perspective of oppression, mass murder, and international blame has only led to the Evil Of Zionism, after all.

What's really fascinating is how hard she works to avoid blaming actual Jews for all of this evil. I think she's doing this with the best of intentions. A for effort. C for effect. She wants to make a distinction between "Zionism" and "Judaism," in the sense of "Zionism does not equate to Judaism, so being antisemitic to Judaism because you hate Zionism is bad." She tries so hard that she loses sight of the actual people involved. There are a lot of places where she talks about "Judaism" where what she actually means is "the Jews." Or, as she calls us, "Jewish people." Which isn't bad, and it isn't really wrong, but it doesn't quite communicate the sense of Am Yisrael that is at the heart of Zionism.

In fact, she's so desperate to separate Zionism from Jewish people that she starts to talk about it almost as an individual character in the story, with agency, desires, wishes, and goals of its own, totally disconnected from the people who created it. Zionism demands the genocide of Palestinians, Zionism needs colonialism, Zionism has a nice lunch date with neoliberalism and spends the afternoon browsing department stores with capitalism. In effect, Zionism becomes the dragon, and Gender really wishes that the passive, easily-led Jewish people would unite behind some White Knight and slay the dragon so everyone could be happy and free and leftist. Despite the two hours she spent on her deep dive into the history and meaning of Zionism, she cannot fathom why the Jewish people don't just do this.

I said earlier that quite a lot of this video consists of padding. Gender identifies herself as a lefty anarchist, opposed to nation-states, capitalism, neoliberalism, the United States, the British Empire, Israel, Joe Biden, "Ka-MAH-la" Harris, transphobia in Western societies . . . the usual suspects. Frequently, especially in the back half of the video, she'll wander off into long fantasias about the crimes against liberty perpetrated by the West at large, as well as their character Capitalism, and then remember that this is supposed to be a video about Zionism, and then finish with the equivalent of "Peter Rabbit did sort of that kind of thing, too."

One of the alleged purposes of this video is to discuss Antisemitism On The Left, but Gender . . . pretty much elides doing that. She gets close a couple of times, and she does grudgingly admit that some leftists coming from some branches of leftism might sometimes say things that might be antisemitic, and that's Bad, and it makes Jewish people feel Unsafe and Not Inclined To Agree With Leftists that The Dragon Known As Zionism Must Be Slain Heroically. But don't stress about it. The important thing is that Israel Must Stop Its Genocide and Palestinians Should Have Self-Determination (which is only withheld from them by Israel -- excuse me, by Zionism -- and certainly not by those eminently-justified-if-a-little-uncouth plucky fighters, Hamas.

There are quite a lot of lengthy quotes from Sources, read by guest stars, which is a nice touch to break up the video. The vast majority of these Sources -- especially the ones in the "history of Zionism" segment -- are not actually written by Zionists. You get a lot of academic pontificating about the failures, shortcomings, and nefarious activities of Zionism, but you hear almost nothing from actual Zionists, especially contemporary Zionists. This does not look nearly as good or as well-researched as it's meant to look.

So what do we get in the end, after four hours and seventeen minutes of watching this? Honestly . . . not much. Gender gives enough background on the history of Zionism, antisemitism, and Jewish attitudes toward Israel that hardcore leftists watching will be more annoyed than convinced. She condescends to both Jews and Arabs, mentioning repeatedly that she, as a White Gentile, really doesn't have any business butting in on these complex questions -- but that's not going to stop her from butting in like the lefty shiksa she is! She's too mealy-mouthed to come right out and say anything blatantly antisemitic, but disdain for Jewish concepts of homeland, belonging, origin, and self-determination pervade the whole thing.

I don't think that Jessie Gender is an idiot -- she seems to be pretty smart, and has both a firm sense of her own political philosophy and the stick-to-it-ive-ness to do far more research into things like the development of Zionism and the history of antisemitism than one might expect. But the video really is, to bring up a playwright from the hated West, "full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

[sweetcherryharry]

i love you, i'm sorry

based on the song 'i love you, i'm sorry' by gracie abrams.

pairing: harry styles x actress!reader

i promise the next one shot i post won't be angsty!! haha i just love it.

(masterlist)

Two Augusts ago, the world was theirs. Y/N, a rising actress with a radiant smile and a captivating screen presence, had just landed her breakout role in a critically acclaimed film. Harry, the soloist singer from one of the most known boy bands worldwide, was on the cusp of global stardom. Their paths crossed at a star-studded after-party, a whirlwind of flashing cameras and intoxicating energy.

Their connection was instant, a magnetic pull that drew them together like moths to a flame. Y/N was captivated by Harry's wit, his passion for music, and the vulnerability he revealed beneath his confident exterior. Harry, in turn, was mesmerized by Y/N's intelligence, her infectious laughter, and the way her eyes sparkled with a hint of mischief.

Their romance blossomed in the spotlight, a whirlwind of red carpet appearances, stolen kisses backstage, and late-night jam sessions in dimly lit recording studios.

Y/N's career soared as she took on challenging roles, her performances garnering critical acclaim and adoration from fans. Harry's solo career skyrocketed to fame, their music topping charts and filling stadiums with screaming fans.

But as their individual stars rose, the cracks in their relationship began to show. The demands of their careers pulled them in opposite directions, leaving little time for the intimacy they once cherished.

The constant scrutiny of the media added another layer of pressure, their every move dissected and analyzed under the harsh glare of the public eye.

As Harry's band embarked on a grueling world tour, the distance between them grew, a chasm widening with each missed call and unanswered text.

Y/N poured her heart into her latest film, a drama that demanded her full attention. Long hours on set and emotional scenes left her drained and craving the warmth of Harry's voice, the comfort of his touch. But his calls became sporadic, his texts filled with vague apologies and promises of making it up to her.

One sweltering August evening, after a particularly draining day on set, Y/N's phone finally buzzed with an incoming call from Harry. A wave of relief washed over her as she eagerly answered, her voice trembling with a mixture of longing and frustration.

"Harry! It's been days," she exclaimed, trying to keep the hurt from her voice. "I've barely heard from you."

"I know, love," he replied, his voice muffled as if he were speaking from a crowded space. "I'm so sorry. It's been crazy out here."

"Crazy? Or just too busy for me?" Y/N retorted, the words escaping her lips before she could stop them.

A heavy silence settled over the line. "Don't start this again, Y/N," Harry sighed. "You know how hectic touring can be."

"But you promised to call more often," she said, her voice rising with each word, like the crest of a wave before it crashes. "You promised to make time for us, even when you're on the road."

Her eyes, once filled with trust and understanding, now held a glimmer of doubt. The weight of his broken promises bore down on her shoulders, reminding her of the distance that had grown between them.

They had talked about this, hadn't they? It had not been the first time the topic had arisen.

Three times now, they had sat down together for a call, their hearts filled with hope, and he had reassured her with promises of improvement.

But like sand slipping through one's fingers, his pledges faded into emptiness after a few short weeks. The sting of betrayal pierced her heart, leaving her feeling lost and alone.

"I'm trying, okay?" Harry snapped, his patience wearing thin. "But it's not always easy. You have your work, I have mine. We can't expect to be glued to each other's side all the time."

His words stung, a harsh reminder of the growing distance between them. "Maybe you're right," Y/N said, her voice barely a whisper. "Maybe we're not meant to do this anymore."

A tense silence followed, broken only by the sound of Harry's ragged breathing. "Is that what you want, Y/N?" he finally asked, his voice laced with a hint of desperation.

Y/N closed her eyes, tears welling up. "I don't know what I want anymore," she admitted, her voice thick with emotion. "All I know is that this isn't working. It's not the way it used to be."

More silence. Then, a resigned sigh. "Maybe you're right," Harry echoed. "Maybe it's time we both moved on."

The call ended abruptly, the silence echoing in Y/N's ears. She collapsed onto her bed, tears streaming down her face. The love she'd once cherished felt like a distant memory, a fading dream.

Ever since that day, they haven’t spoken.

Two years drifted by, a silent chasm stretching between them, filled with unanswered calls, unsent texts, and a lingering ache of what could have been.

Y/N immersed herself in her career, her ambition a shield against the pain of their separation. Each successful role, each award, was a testament to her resilience, a badge of honor earned through countless hours of dedication and the shedding of silent tears.

Harry, on the other hand, had soared to fame. Sold-out stadiums, chart-topping hits, and a whirlwind of adoring fans marked his journey. Yet, amidst the deafening roar of applause, a quiet yearning gnawed at him, a longing for the warmth and laughter that had once filled his life.

One night, as Y/N mindlessly scrolled through social media, her thumb absently swiping past countless posts, a video thumbnail caught her eye. It was from a popular Pop news account, and the post was recent, just published a few seconds ago.

It was a grainy, fan-recorded clip of Harry's final show in Europe. The caption read, “Harry Styles singing a new, unreleased single about heartbreak on one of his shows on August 18th.”

A date seared into her memory, the two-year anniversary of their heartbreaking split.

Curiosity, mingled with a bittersweet pang of nostalgia, compelled her to click on the video. The familiar strains of Harry's voice filled her ears, but the song was new, raw and vulnerable, a far cry from his usual upbeat anthems. As the camera zoomed in on his face, she saw a flicker of pain in his eyes, a vulnerability she hadn't seen in years.

"This song," he began, his voice thick with emotion, "is special to me. It's for someone who I hurt deeply. Someone who I never stopped loving, even when I was too proud to admit it."

Y/N's breath hitched. Her hand flew to her mouth, stifling a sob. It was as if he were speaking directly to her, across continents and time zones, his words piercing through the carefully constructed walls she'd built around her heart.

Tears streamed down Y/N's face as she listened to his voice with the guitar melodies, the lyrics pouring out of Harry like a confession, a desperate plea for forgiveness.

I love you, I'm sorry.

The words echoed in her mind, each syllable a painful reminder of their love lost. The video ended, leaving Y/N breathless and overwhelmed.

A wave of emotions washed over Y/N – sorrow, longing, and a flicker of hope she hadn't dared to feel in years. It was as if the distance that had separated them had vanished, replaced by an invisible thread connecting their hearts.

The video ended, leaving Y/N breathless and overwhelmed. Lost in her thoughts, she absently refreshed her Twitter feed, her eyes widening in shock as she saw her own name trending alongside Harry's.

Her heart pounded in her chest as she scrolled through countless tweets, each one dissecting the lyrics of his new song and speculating about its inspiration. The consensus was clear: it was about her.

"Harry's new song is a love letter to Y/N," one tweet proclaimed.

"He's clearly still in love with her," another user declared.

"This is the apology we've all been waiting for!" a fan account chimed in.

The sheer volume of tweets, the overwhelming outpouring of support and speculation, left Y/N reeling. It was as if the world had become a chorus, echoing the unspoken truth that had lingered between them for two long years.

As the tweet became more popular, her phone buzzed with incoming messages from friends and colleagues, all asking the same question: "Is it about you?"

Y/N didn't know how to answer. A part of her wanted to deny it, to protect herself from the potential heartbreak that lay ahead. But another part of her, the part that had never stopped loving Harry, yearned for it to be true.

As she re-listened to the lyrics of his song, the raw emotion in his voice echoing in her ears, she couldn't deny the truth any longer. It was about her. It was always about her.

The emotions swirling within her were too powerful to ignore. With trembling fingers, Y/N typed a simple message:

“Hey.”

She hesitated, her thumb hovering over the send button. But before she could second-guess herself, she pressed send, the message disappearing into the digital abyss.

To her surprise, the three dots indicating he was typing appeared almost immediately. Her heart hammered in her chest as she waited for his response.

“Hey.”

His reply was a single word, but it held a universe of unspoken emotions.

“I listened to your new song,” she typed back, her fingers flying across the screen.

“It's for you.”

The words appeared on her screen, stark and unadorned, yet carrying the weight of two years of regret and longing.

Y/N's breath hitched. She didn't know what to say, how to respond to this unexpected confession. A million questions swirled in her mind, but the only words she could manage were:

"Can we talk?"

The reply came almost instantly:

"Please."

A surge of adrenaline coursed through Y/N's veins. She didn't know where this conversation would lead, but she knew she had to take this chance.

After two years of silence, the door to their past had been cracked open, and she had to find out if there was any hope of rekindling the flame that had once burned so brightly between them.

[sawyerslvt]

His Pretty Girl | Johnny Slaughter (TCM)

Summary: You and Johnny spend some alone time together at the slaughterhouse while the whole family is away. You get to have both sweet, fluffy moments but also rough sex :) Word Count: 3,584 Warnings: MDNI, smut, sex, fluffy Johnny, overstimulation, age gap

‘There you go… just like that pretty girl’

His rough and calloused hands travel the sides of your waist as you unbutton your blouse. You're surprised by the soft and gentle touch he’s able to provide, considering the state of his hands. Cuts and scars scattered all around, covering his big hands. 

You don't break his eye contact as you slowly reveal your plump breasts, button for button, making him hitch his breath in anticipation. His eyes are glued to you as you slowly undress yourself. They travel all over. From your eyes, to your breast, your waist, your swollen lips… oh, especially those lips. Johnny can never get enough of those. He had spent a long time sucking on them earlier. Kissing has never been as good as it is with Johnny. He takes his time, it's not something he does in passing. Kissing has its own full sessions, deep, wet, sloppy and passionate. It never fails to leave you in a pool of your soaking wet mess. Your pussy begging to be filled with his thick and experienced fingers.

You make sure to make slow work of your undressing. This part was usually something Johnny would take care of but he’s letting you go at your own pace. The patience the man has managed to build with a woman like you is unbelievable. The way he snaps and barks at any- one or thing, no one would ever believe you if you told them how smitten he is, when the topic is you. Still you see the pain behind his eyes as he clenches his hands around your waist trying to keep his cool. This slow shit you’re pulling has got to be the cruelest form of torture that this slaughterhouse has seen. And that says a lot considering this was the slaughterhouse belonging to the Slaughter family. 

‘you’re killing me darlin, please pretty baby. let me do it’ You smile. An annoyingly, adorable smug expression that tugs at Johnny’s heartstrings. God, you're too much, you're lucky he’s managed to build that patience with you, but lord knows, it's about to crumble down with the way you are looking at him right now. 

‘mmh mmh’ You shake your head as you deny his request. You don't finish unbuttoning all the way, just enough to have your soft upper breast be visible, enough to drive any man wild. You get close to his face, conning him into thinking you're gonna crash your lips into his, but instead you place your small and delicate hands on his hard chest and push him down on the worn down mattress. Your breast recoils as you land on top of him, while his back crashes into the soft surface below you. His hands are quick to find their way to your ass, cupping it as your barely clothed body lay over his bare torso. You let out something between a giggle and a moan. Johnny bucks his hips under you, making you aware of his growing erection under his tight jeans. 

‘you feel that my love? Do you understand what you do to me huh? Let me see…’ He glances at the blouse you're wearing. ‘take this off for me and i’ll take care of the rest little one.’ His voice is that low and deep one you’ve learned means don’t fight me. That's the same tone he uses to carefully make you realize that your games are done for, and it's time to listen to your Johnny. 

‘uh… s-so i was thinking… that… m-maybe I could be in charge this time?’ Johnny smirks and raises an eyebrow at the lack of confidence in the voice of someone wanting to take charge. He lets out a small chuckle and you can't help but look down and blush at him making fun of you. ’How could I possibly resist that sweet face, doll?’ He moves around under you to get more comfortable, his cock trying desperately to pierce through the thick fabric to kiss your pussy with his tip. He places both his hands behind his head and gives you a cocky smirk. ‘Give it your best shot princess.’

You didn't expect him to fold so easily. That's all you had to do? Just ask? Not that you had any complaints regarding how he dealt with you before but sometimes it's nice to feel like you're in control. You shuffle around in his crotch, digging your aching pussy deeper into his big bulge. You make sure to drag your hands over his chest as you slowly make your way closer to his face. This time, actually placing your soft lips on his. You moan slightly as you come in contact with his lips, he grunts in response. The man was a natural, you've never met someone that had the rhythm Johnny possessed. He’s truly one of a kind. You cup his face with both hands as you deepen the kiss. It's already so desperate and you haven't even gotten started yet. 

You break the kiss to unbutton your blouse the rest of the way. This time, not in a slow fashion at all. You're suddenly impatient to feel Johnny's rough hands caress your bare skin. He knows you well enough to already have his hands touch and travel your belly and breasts before you even finish taking the blouse off. Once it's off, his hands find their way to your bra clasp and in one swift motion, it unclips and your breasts jiggle as they get let loose. He lets out a low and desperate grunt at the view presented to him, you sitting on his now pulsing and aching cock, topless, and ready to be fucked dumb. 

You swing your leg over and get off his crotch and sit with your hands laid on your knees. He watches you curiously and honestly… you've never really been in charge before, you're not sure what to do next. Johnny goes from having his hands behind his head, to now leaning on his elbows. He gets that you've already hit a fat wall at the ‘taking charge’ thing you made a fuss about. He gives you a quick nod of the head, pointing at his bulge. A quiet ‘oh’ escapes your lips at the realization. You smile to yourself, a little embarrassed you couldn't figure that much out. 

You fidget with his zipper with your mouth slightly agape, preparing for his size. This is far from your first time doing this but somehow it suddenly feels like it. As soon as you manage to unzip and wiggle his beautifully tight wrangler jeans off his bulge, his cock springs out as if it was suffocating and finally comes up for air. You’ve been with Johnny for a long time now, he took a liking to you immediately and you got promoted from helpless victim- to plaything- to wife in the blink of an eye. You've seen his cock more times that you can count but it will forever shock you like it's the first time. It’s massive, you didn't even know they come in this size. You swear, you see his hard cock pulsing. His veins look like they're about to burst. You quickly bring both your hands to wrap around his girth like you're protecting him from exploding.

‘yes just like that darlin, you're doing so good.’ His voice is so smooth and it makes your hands automatically rub his length to make him praise you more, his pride for you is addictive. Up and down, slowly, up and down as you make sure to hold a fairly tight grip of his sensitive cock. You watch as you see the tight skin of his circumcised penis move with your hands. You stroke a finger over his tip and feel his pre-cum leaking out, wet and sticky for you.

You tap it and pull away to see it create a string of cum between your finger and his sore tip. ‘fuckkk.’ He lets his head fall behind him and as he does, you bring your lips to his swollen peak. He quickly brings his head back once he realizes what you've done. You suck to build pressure and then circle your tongue around his tip. Playing with it, teasing and tasting his cum. You let out a quiet moan before you let your lips sink deeper down his shaft. You hear him gasp as he positions himself to only lean on one elbow to use his other hand to grab the back of your head. His hand is so big, it almost engulfs your whole head as it follows the movement of your head. Up and down, as your mouth slowly fills with more and more saliva to lube it up and make it easier to slide. ‘fuckkk you're being such a good girl for me princess.’

He continues watching you with his head tilted, you look back at him with your glossy doe eyes, having gone a little too far down, making your eyes water. ‘my sweet angel, am I too much for you?’ You shake your head, with his cock still filling your entire mouth. You manage to let out a small ‘nuh uh’ to emphasize how you wouldn't have it any other way… though it just comes out as a moan anyways. ‘good, I wouldn't want to hurt that pretty little mouth of yours.’ 

Your pussy is so wet… too wet to not do something about it. And as you've been put in charge, you decide to do something about it. You slowly and tightly come off Johnny's massive tip, making a quiet pop sound as your lips disconnect. ‘don’t take this the wrong way, sweet thing.’ Johnny quickly gets up and before you know it, he has his hand wrapped around your throat, pinning you down on the mattress. He pushes your throat into it, making your whole body sink into the soft cushion. You're wearing a skirt with cute pink lace panties beneath. His big and toned body casts a dark shadow over you as he slides your panties down your legs.

He licks his fingers and brings them to slide between your folds, assessing how wet you are. You are very much ready for him. ‘you were doing such a good job little one.’ He pushes two fingers into your sore hole. ‘but you were taking too long. Now I might have to get disrespectful’ He slides in and out of you and you arch your back and gasp. ‘stay still for me.’ He increases his speed and forces his fingers harder into you. It was already difficult to stay still a second ago, now, it's impossible. You feel his hand tighten around your throat, a warning for disobeying his command. You use all your power to stay still and you miraculously manage to stay still. ‘thats my good girl. you like that?’ his voice is so deep, you feel yourself drowning in it. ‘y-yes… johnny… m-more.’ He smirks as he looks down at you. ‘you want more? what’s the magic word sweetheart?’ He has a massive grin but his eyes are narrowed, you wonder if his victims get that same expression, you can't help but feel a small wave of jealousy wash over you. ‘p-please Johnny. I want more of you.’

He lets go of your throat and pulls his fingers out of your pussy. He licks them clean as he looks you in the eyes. You’re breathless from just watching him, causing you to bite your lips. His dick is still wet from your saliva as it hangs outside of his jeans. They’re still partially on so he pulls them completely off, leaving him fully naked. It's the perfect time of evening for the sunset to find his scar scattered body through the windows and kiss his soft skin. It's like the gods did that just for you and you send a quick thank you prayer back for providing you this perfect view. He looks so majestic in the warm sunlight. His toned body creating shadows in every crease, making his abs stand out more, his chest and his V-line pointing to his erect cock, reminding you of why you're laying there in the first place. 

He starts stroking his dick, its making wonderful sloppy sounds as his hands use your saliva to rub himself. ‘you’re all mine, aren't you?’ He starts placing himself closer to you. He slides his soft and plump tip through your folds, and over your red and swollen clit. ‘yes johnny, I'm all yours.’ He puts more pressure over your clit with his tip, pushing harder and harder. ‘oh yeah?.’ His eyes are laser focusing on how your pussy lips unfold and open up for him and he pushes himself on your clit. 'I'm all yours.’ You repeat, god, you're so weak and impatient to feel him fill you up already. 

Without any warning he pushes his cock deep inside you. You let out a loud moan, bordering on a scream as you feel how his thick cock presses up on the walls surrounding it. Johnny's dick fits you like a glove, tighter even. You were already so wet but he’s so big that it's still difficult to adjust to his size. He stays still inside you and gets closer to you with his face, placing a gentle kiss on the side of your ribs. ‘are you my princess?’ He slowly makes his way up your body. He places another kiss on top of your breast. ‘my doll?’ Another one on your collar bone. ‘my pretty girl?’ and one last one on your lips. ‘my love?’

He starts moving around inside you. Slowly sliding in and out. It starts off very subtle but the wetter you get, the more drastic his movements get. He lets out the most wonderful groan as he feels how wet you get. ‘fuckkk, you're being such a good girl, you’re taking me so well.’ He’s now pounding into you, deep but careful. His movements getting more and more erratic as you clenching around his cock is too much for him to stay gentle, which he had originally planned. Loving, gentle and passionate sex is something he cherishes a lot, especially and only with you. But the ‘Johnny’ in him loves it rough, disrespectful and intense. He pulls out briefly to place your knees over his shoulders. He gives you a quick peck on the lips as a pre-apology for how he’s gonna destroy your pussy in the coming minutes. 

He pushes his length back in and lets out a loud and animalistic grunt. This time he doesn't bother starting gently. He looks into your eyes and it's the pure hunger of a hunter. He’s the wolf and you're the helpless little bunny being in the wrong place at the wrong time, except you’re far from in the ‘wrong place’. You couldn't dream of being in a more right place. He’s drilling into you, hard and deep. It's so intense, you feel how his balls slap your ass with every deep thrust and the tip of his cock piercing your womb with every push. You feel so full of him, your heart, body, mind and soul is so full of him. You can hardly call them yours. You mean it when you say that you belong to Johnny. You really do, and you forever will. 

You moan and gasp with every thrust. The deeper pounds deserving of loud screams. Johnny does the same. His deep voice producing the sexiest noises a man could possibly make. His groans and grunts sound even better, knowing that they’re for your ears only. And that you're the one causing them. You're lucky the whole family is away and that the slaughterhouse is located in the middle of nowhere. You're convinced your screams could be heard from miles away.

‘i know baby, i know.’ But he makes no attempt at slowing down. ‘fucckk darlin. the things you do to me.’ He gets close to your face and gives you a sloppy kiss. His tongue explores the inside of your mouth and you can hardly kiss him back. Only being able to give him whines.

‘j-johnny… i-m gonna c-cum pl-please.’ You feel how you’ve been fucked all the way dumb, you can barely speak and your ability to think was gone long ago. ‘hold it for me pretty girl, just a little longer.’ He speaks with such sweetness, you wouldn't think he was inside of you, rearranging your guts, almost killing you with the force of every thrust he pushes into you. 

It's impossible to ask that of you, to ‘hold it a little while longer’. You cum on his cock but you try hiding it behind your expression and suppress your moans as much as you can.

‘did you cum?’ Johnny immediately knows and you wonder if he's a wizard. ‘...no.’ You lie, decently convincing if you say so yourself. ‘silly girl, I feel how you’re pulsating and clenching around my cock right now.’ He stays still inside you but is looking deep in your eyes waiting for a response. ‘i-i’m sorry johnny. I couldn't do it.’ You look up at him with the biggest and sweetest puppy eyes you can possibly give. They usually work… usually. By the look he’s giving you right now, you know this isn't one of those usual times. 

‘of course you could do it, if you needed help, you should've told me. what have I said about us using our words?’ His voice is so deep and masculine, it makes your whole body shiver to be on the receiving end of his scolding. ‘i-i know johnny, im s-sorry.’ Your voice is weak, partially because of how he’s scolding you, and partially cause he’s fully fucked your brains out so that your whole body is just jelly. ‘that's not enough sweet thing. I'm gonna have to teach you a thing or two.’ 

He shoves his dick back into your pussy and the overstimulation feels like it could actually kill you. You just came and everything is sore and sensitive. From your walls, to your clit, your entire hole. Your poor tight and abused little pussy. It's too much. ‘j-johnny!!!’ You scream as loud as you can with the limited amount of oxygen in your lungs. ‘shhh my love, it’s almost over. Remember this feeling next time you try being slick.’ He somehow increases his speed and force, you thought he was already at his peak but the man is a tank, there is always more to come. ‘fucckkk princess, you want me to cum in this tight little pussy? hmm?’ He’s breathless from fucking you so hard. ‘do you sweetheart?’ You can tell he’s only seconds away, and fuck, you can’t wait. ‘y-yes johnny. please cum inside me.’ Right as you finish your sentence, you feel his hot cum fill you up. It shoots far and deep inside of you. His pretty and white cum mixing with yours and spilling out of your abused cunt.

You shake and flinch as he pulls out. Johnny takes notice of your sudden movements and brings his right hand to cup your face, making a U shape with his hand. ‘my sweet angel… did mean ol’ johnny go to far?’ He has a sweet but mocking tone in his voice. You slowly nod your head… he didn't go too far, he could never. He’s insanely good at reading you but you would be a liar if you said it wasn't intense and overstimulating. ‘come here sweetheart. Show me where it hurts and I'll make it go away.’ He grabs your hand and singles out your index finger to hold it in front of you. You bring your hand to your pussy to point at it. He chuckles and you see his dick jerk a little. ‘alright pretty girl.’ 

He spreads your legs and places his face between them. You gasp and you fear what he’s about to do next. He's actually gonna be the death of you. Tonight, right now, right here. You flinch when you feel cool air being blown on your wet cunt. He’s blowing at the entire area around your abused pussy and as much as it feels different, there is actually a very relieving feeling. Your Johnny always knows how to make everything better. He spreads your lips and continues blowing. It feels way cooler and more intense this way. This time, you also feel it on your clit, everything cooling down and a big wave of relief hits you. Before he comes back up, he gives your pussy a little kiss as a sorry for what he put her through. If she could talk, all she would say is thank you, for everything, all of it. 

He comes back up and gives you a kiss on the forehead. 'Better?' He asks curiously. 'Better.' You answer confidently. He lays down next to you and pulls you in for a hug. He holds you in his big embrace. His arms, big and strong, not a thing in the world could hurt you when Johnny is around. You love him so much it hurts. He gives you more kisses, covering your forehead as he holds you, letting his hands travel all over your body. You feel whole… safe and loved as you drift into a deep sleep in Johnny’s arms. 

♡link♡

credit for dividers: @anitalenia @v6que <3

[shooting-love-arrows]

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄! 𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐍

SYNOPSIS: 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧 who according to the sacred tradition of his peaople kiddnaps his bride. PAIRING: 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧 x Female! Reader tw. kiddnaping, mention of blood, general lack of consent (becaouse history says screw it), mayhem. WRITER DISGRESSION: I do not support this kind of behaviour! It is only a piece of fiction and and for entertaiment putpooses only. Thank you for your attention!

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

It was a sacred tradition among his people, passed down from generation to generation in his clan. Filled with adrenaline and led by primitive instincts, the soon-to-be groom/husband kidnaps his future bride and wife from her home. 

𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧 were traditionalists when it came to domestic life and topics related to love. He believed his ancestors and their ways of ‘wooing’ their subjects of affection were not only successful but also the truest form of confessing one’s feelings for their beloved.

Perhaps only taking you from home in the dead of the night would be better for an outsider like you, who is yet to understand the way of his people. But whenever he thought about it, 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧 was holding a belief that you deserved better. Something memorable and "romantic," quoting the wives in his village.

That is why he didn't hesitate to raid your village at night.

Dressed in his best furs and leather, additional beads attached to his long, messy hair, and all sorts of accessories tied to his clothes symbolizing his impressive position among his clan. He was at the front, proudly riding his trusted stallion and leading the group of his best warriors on galloping horses towards where you were residing.

Not soon after they'd arrived, everything was set on fire. The barbarians didn't spare a hut from the unforgiving force of nature of their torches. Even some unfortunate fellas couldn't escape from it. Some fortunate ones were given a quick death by the sharp blades of barbarians. 

It was the mayhem, gifted to you by 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧.

“Oh my dearest wife, where are you?” He kept thinking, urgently looking all around. Adrenaline and euphoria were pumping in his veins. He was a predator on a haunt, ready to pounce on you the moment he saw you. 

And found you he did.

The second he laid his eyes on you, he got into an action. Without hesitation, he quickly urged his horse to gallop towards you. It didn’t matter who he tramped on his way, nor who he slayed to get closer to you. His full focus was placed on you.

You stood no chance.

When he was close enough, like a hawk, 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧 swiftly leaned down and tightly gripped your waist, hoisting you up on his horse like you weighed nothing. You began to scream and trash in his iron hold, but it didn't phase him one bit. In his eyes, it was endearing and even arousing. He knew from the stories of the other married man that the more a woman puts on a fight, the better wife she’ll be. 

"Shhh...beloved...shhh!" 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧 cooed, fervently kissing away your tears and wet cheeks and holding your hands tightly to his broad chest. Some of the blood splattered on his face he smeared on your snot coated face by nuzzling into you. Between whispering sweet nothings to you and coating your face and neck in his kisses, he couldn't help but laugh. His deep and raspy voice came rumbling from his chest, only frightening you further.

For 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧 everything was perfect. Under the night sky, surrounded by flames (of his passion) and screams of villagers mixed with the mad laughter of his people, he achieved what he wanted. He gave you a grand and memorable ceremony. Additionally, in the eyes of his gods, clan and according to the sacred tradition, he laid his claim on you.

You were his, just like he was yours.

"You're mine, dearest wife. Mine!"

Forever.

All of the published posts on this account/blog belongs to @shooting-love-arrows. I do not consent to my works being: translated, stolen, published or reposted on this and other sites. Likes, reblogs, comments are highly appreaciated. Thank you.

[oxymorayuri]

❞𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞❝

[ Ace | Kid | Law | Doffy ] Summary » Get down on your knees, sweetie and hold on tight. He will make you feel how much he wants you and give you what you need, you dirty girl. pssst... you don't have to be in a relationship to have your first time ;) Warnings » Mature content - "BDSM" - rough sex - rape »»» If you have problems with he content marked in red, please don't read the part with Doflamingo <3 - NO PROOFREADING -

! ᴍᴀᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ !

ᴍɪɴᴏʀꜱ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛ

𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐓: Law, Kid, Doffy : xuchuan/序川_ | Ace: kameoka908

A/N: The results of the last poll showed that this was the topic you wanted most. I can understand that (you naughty ones, lol), but I think it's sad that "He confesses his love?!" didn't win... *puts it in drafts anyway*

Some songs I heard while writing 🔥 ; Ari Abdul - Girls On The Internet / Mickey Valen - Chills (feat. Joey Myron) / Kailee Morgue - Siren / Shaker - BODY

𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐠𝐚𝐫 𝐃. 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐚𝐰

[ 2086 words ]

Without any understanding of what is happening around you, you kneel on the floor with your hands tied behind your back.

A blindfold prevents you from seeing what Law is planning to do to you, his steps are barely audible but you turn your head every time you hear a small sound.

The cold air wraps around your exposed body like silk, hardening your nipples and the only thing you can hear is the clacking sound of Law's shoes, while he circles around you like a predator.

Your breathing is a little heavy and nervous, waiting for something to happen, for Law to touch you, but Law just enjoys the sight.

He crouches down behind you, whispering in your ear with his deep yet calm voice, with no intention of touching you.

“Just for the record, you really want this, y/n-ya?”

Shivers run down your spine, making your heart beat faster, because his calm voice carries something commanding, something dangerous... something that makes you addicted.

“Y-Yes…” You whisper.

The corners of his mouth turn up into a dirty grin and he stands up again, leaving you kneeling on the cold floor.

"We'd better keep this between the two of us, you understand that, right?" His voice seems a little further away and shortly afterwards you hear something that sounds like rubber snapping against skin.

He slowly walks towards you again, his eyes wandering along your fine curves illuminated by the bright lamps, while he unbuttons his shirt to take it off.

“Yes…” you say quietly but this time with a firm undertone.

You can hardly believe how you both came to this, but you know that when you leave this room again, you have to pretend it never happened.

After all, this is not a passionate encounter between you… More like one between doctor and patient... although it looks a bit bizarre, but Law is just doing you a favor.

At least that's what you think, since there were never any kind of romantic signs between you… despite the fact that you have feelings for him, but you don't think he'll reciprocate.

“How are your knees? Do they hurt?” - “No, they don't.” You adjust yourself briefly, the long kneeling is indeed making itself felt, but somehow you like kneeling before him like a prisoner… without defense, just as nature created you…

and placed under the light of the infirmary.

It feels really good...

“Good girl.” His voice hums and excitement rises in you. You can literally hear the smile on his lips, while you neither know where he really is nor what he's up to.

Standing just a step in front of you, Law looks down at you as you stare cluelessly ahead, not really realizing that he's standing right in front of you.

"Look up at me, y/n-ya" You are taken aback by the near sound of his voice and just as he commands, you tilt your head back and look up.

“Good girl.” His praise makes you feel weak inside and the tingling in your stomach grows stronger towards your longing little cunt.

A feeling that you've missed so much and why you're both here...

It was certainly unpleasant to talk to Law about the fact that you have difficulty getting aroused, but you never dreamed it would come to this.

You had rather thought that there was a drug similar to viagra. A stimulant that would increase the humidity in your cave, but Law had a different idea. This one…

He crouches down and grabs your chin, watching you breathe heavily through your nose at the sudden touch and brushes his thumb over your bottom lip.

The feeling of the latex gloves is a little foreign, but you can feel the warmth of his hand. He presses a little against your teeth, causing you to open your mouth and welcome his thumb into your hot mouth.

As if under hypnosis, you suck on his finger and hear a satisfied hum from Law. He changes his finger and you greedily run your tongue around it.

“You're such a good girl…”

His finger leaves your mouth and strokes down your neck to your belly, leaving a wet trail of saliva behind.

His hand moves further down and you suck in your breath as he briefly runs two fingers through your puffy folds. The sudden touch pierces through your body and makes you aching for more.

Unfortunately for you, he prefers to take his time with you, which he obviously enjoys. Who could blame him?

Your somewhat nervous demeanor only makes the sight more arousing and every little reaction from you brings a little flicker to his eyes.

All you can feel is Law's hand on your back and then he suddenly picks you up. Since you can't see anything, everything happens a little too fast, making you feel like you've been thrown off balance.

He takes a few steps with you and sets you down on a cool, metallic surface. The faint smell of disinfectant hits your nose. You must be sitting on the operating table, you suspect.

Law spreads your legs wide, thinking he could take you here and now if he wanted to, since the table has the perfect height, but he wants to hear you beg for it.

His hands caress the inside of your thighs and pass close to your core, over to your pelvis. These indirect but intense touches make you insane, the burning in your center increases and you move your butt desperately back and forth.

Law's deep laugh fills the room as his hand moves over your hips to your breasts.

"You're a needy little girl, aren't you y/n-ya?"

You're a little embarrassed. The way you respond to his touch, you couldn't say that you have a problem with getting aroused.

No matter what you tried to get yourself in the mood, you didn't get wet. At first it helped to think about Law, but at some point even that wasn't enough.

“I need you Law…” Came quietly from your lips. Somewhat perplexed, Law stopped in his tracks. It took him a second to process what was coming from your sweet lips.

He runs his tongue over his lips while looking into your blushing face

“Oh yeah, you need me, y/n-ya?” Your name in his mouth sounds dirtier than usual and he gently strokes your sensitive nipples.

Overwhelmed by the wet feeling of his tongue on your breast, you hum softly and nod your head.

A little bite in your nipple makes you twitch.

"Say it, y/n-ya." he demands of you, his breath on your skin and two fingers on your nipple pinching it.

“Ahh hah, I need you Law!” You whimper with excitement rather than pain.

"Yeah, I knew you needed me." His voice becomes a little darker and confident.

You try to lean back a little and support yourself with your hands, but the ropes make it a little difficult. Despite the pain, you don't let it stop you from enjoying Law's gentle kisses between your breasts and you let your head fall back.

Your soft moans fill the room as Law teases your nipples with his tongue while one hand strokes your thigh up and down, always a little closer to your pussy.

Instinctively your hips move back and forth in response to his stimulating touch, leaving your body aching for more.

Law placed his thumb between your folds and began to circle over your clit. Sliding slowly down a little to glide over your hole with light pressure. By this point your pussy is so wet, that he literally slips through your puffy folds, making your cunt produce lewd noises.

"Tell me, were you this wet, when you thought about me in your bed?" Your body tenses, not daring to speak as his deep voice fills your ear. Law has to smirk a little at how cravingly you squish your pussy into his gloved hand.

"The way you moaned my name made me almost go crazy, you know y/n-ya? It cost me a lot not to barge into your room…"

You bite your lower lip… Did he eavesdrop on you?

"Were you no longer satisfied at some point and that's why you came to me…" The pace of his fingers between your lips increased, raising the heat in your chest.

“…because you need me?” With your brain running at full capacity to process all these feelings, the only thing that comes out of your lips is an unrestrained moan.

He praises you repeatedly, calling you his 'good girl' while leaving a trail of kisses all the way down your belly.

He takes in the sight of your lovely swollen puss, feeling the tension in his pants.

“Such a beautiful pussy…” he whispers as he drops his pants. His breath brushes over your cunt and makes it twitch slightly. He grabs you by the lower legs and pulls you towards him while you struggle to keep your balance.

Slowly, he runs his warm tongue between your lovely lips and gently strokes your clitoris. He enjoys you to the full while his slow movements drive you over the edge.

You would like to grab his head and push him closer to feel some relief, but the ropes prevent you from doing so.

“Law I want you!” You moan, longing for relief.

His slow tongue strokes are warm and the even pressure is tickling your nerves. He licks your sweet spot one last time with his tongue before he fulfills your wish.

He eagerly places his magnificent piece at your entrance and smears himself with a mixture of his spit and your juice as he strokes his tip through your folds.

"Do you want me to thrust my dick inside you?" he asks you in a raspy voice. You nod your head enthusiastically, but Law leaves you waiting, to enjoy the sight of his cock sliding effortlessly through your soft lobes.

All of a sudden he violently pushes into you and his name escapes your lips. He pushes his whole length into your pussy hole, making it difficult for you to hold yourself with your tied hands.

Law notices your misery and reaches for the ropes to untie them as he penetrates your tight hole over and over again.

With your mouth slightly open, you try to get your rapid breathing under control, but the sensation caused by Law's movements is overwhelming.

His fast and deep thrusts bring you closer towards your climax and you can barely keep up with the moans.

"Uhh, Law… mhh I think I'm gonna cum!"

But before you can reach your orgasm, Law pulls out and leaves you feeling empty.

You whimper a few incomprehensible words and beg him to fill you up again. Law, who just wanted to delay his own orgasm, dives into you again but this time starts to pleasure you with slow and steady thrusts.

You start massaging your breasts with your hands, which drives Law insane. You squeeze and pinch both your nipples, unable to see how Law watches you with satisfaction in his eyes.

Suddenly, Law grabs your blindfold and rips it off your face. You have to blink a few times to get used to the bright light but quickly your attention is focused on the way you are being fucked by Law.

With his lips slightly parted, he struggles to breathe but his eyes are fixed on you as you fondle your bare breasts.

Watching him fuck the soul out of your body gives you a little reminder of what's happening in reality. With the blindfold you had a sort of distance from what was going on between you, as if you were being fucked by a stranger.

It was exciting, but watching Law, as he enjoys thrusting his hips into you, is even more exciting.

You barely managed to hold on to Law's shoulders as he lifted you up while his member was still inside you.

Automatically you wrap your legs around his hips and with his hands on your butt he moves you up and down, on his dick in a gentle motion.

Moaning, you nestle against his neck and enjoy the feeling of his hot skin on your naked chest.

𝐏𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐠𝐚𝐬 𝐃. 𝐀𝐜𝐞

[ 576 words ]

A/N: Ace is really short, sorry. I'll make up for it soon with a spicy OneShot :D

Both of you, completely out of breath, try to keep the noise to a minimum. If someone catches you, bad rumors will spread around the ship, but you can't resist Ace any longer.

In a storage room, you cling to Ace who lavishes you with a thousand kisses on your neck. Usually no one ever comes in here because there's nothing but useless junk, but the thrill of being caught is pretty exciting.

Again and again you remind each other to be quiet as your lips fall over each other.

The way he grabs your breasts and strokes your hips tells you that he's greedy for more. Greedy for you.

And you are just as greedy. Your hands run curiously over his chest, feeling every muscle. His body is burning hot, so hot that you need to get out of your clothes quickly and as you reach for the hem of your top, Ace is happy to help you free yourself from your clothes.

Stripped of your clothes, you explore each other's bodies in the dark storage room without parting your lips for once.

All you can feel is how Ace traces soft kisses down your neck all the way down to your wet pussy. You lift one leg and try to support yourself against the wall while Ace runs his warm tongue through your folds.

“Mhmh, y/n, you taste so good.”

He grabs your buttocks while he devours your pussy juices and moans in pleasure along with you. You grab his black hair and move your hips to his licking movements.

His warm tongue is truly talented and you enjoy how evenly and slowly he strokes through your folds. Over and over again he presses his tongue against your hole only to then skillfully stroke your sweet little clit.

“Mhmm Ace, please put it in.” you whimper a little. You want to feel him inside you.

He turns you to face the wall and lifts one of your legs. You immediately stick your butt out towards him and feel his massive erection on your ass, just waiting to explore your soft hole.

He guides his big friend to your entrance and you both moan in pleasure as he slides it inside you. For a brief moment, he lingers in the position where he has his entire member inside you. Your walls wrap around him so comfortably tight.

Surely but slowly he starts to penetrate you.

If you had known how big he was, you would have let him touch you much earlier, but well, better later than never…

With Ace's hands firmly on your hips, he guides you towards him again and again with force. Both your breaths are ragged and you keep forgetting that you could be just a moment away from being caught.

His hand finds its way along your skin to your breast and massages it gently. He pulls you a little closer so that you arch your back and he peppers your neck with lots of hot kisses. You feel your hair standing straight

You feel your hair stand straight and you happily surrender to his every touch, feeling tempted to disappear into this little secret chamber more often. With Ace, of course.

Just as you are both getting closer to climaxing, without any control over your voices, you hear footsteps from outside that you don't register at all.

“Hello, is anyone in there?”

𝐃𝐨𝐧𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐱𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐃𝐨𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐨

[ 2344 words ]

All kinds of gorgeous women are lined up in a row, including you. In the beginning your group was much larger, but a few women have already been sorted out by Diamante, one of the king's three highest officers. Women who might not be to the king's taste.

Dressed in skimpy clothes, you stand in a large hall in the castle and wait for Doflamingo to appear. The king has once again tortured his last toy to death and demands to see all the unmarried women in the kingdom...

Frightened, you stand between women who confidently assume that they could win the king's heart, but you know that he has no heart.

The massive door opens and the man in question walks in. He walked past all the women without even glancing at them, while a few ladies lost their composure due to excitement.

You pray that he doesn't choose you… That maybe he won't choose anyone, because no one catches his interest. But unfortunately for you, he stops right in front of you and turns to face you.

“You look scared…” There's something crazy about the smile on his face and you don't dare move a muscle.

He grabs your chin and looks at your face. Your widened eyes stare at him in fear, you try to avoid his gaze but he forces you to look into your horrified reflection in his glasses.

“I'll take that.” he announces and disappears from the hall again. Tears well up in your eyes as you realize that he doesn't even see you as a human being. You're just an object he pleasures himself with until you break.

Servants come quickly and lead you through the long corridors without talking to you. Everything seems so foreign to you and you don't dare say a word…

You don't really want to know what's happening to you now. Even though you know exactly what is going to happen, you want to block it out, maybe there will be a chance to escape, but that chance didn't arise…

The maids bathed you, perfumed you and applied expensive lotions to make your skin soft and smooth. After they put you in a silky nightgown, which to your surprise was quite pretty rather than slutty, they led you to the attached bedchamber.

They made you sit on the huge bed, on which you felt a little lost because it was so big, and guarded you. Their eyes are cold and reserved on you, but earlier, when they bathed you and you cried, the pity in their eyes was obvious.

You feel like a doll that has been glammed up to please the king and now you have to wait for him to come and play with you…

You think of your family and friends that you will probably never see again and fight back your tears. You're a bit scared, especially because it's your first time...

The double doors of the room open and you don't even have to look up to know who is entering. His wicked chuckle is easy to recognize and you clench your fists to hide your shaking hands.

"Fufufu - How nicely they've arranged you for me."

His frame casts a shadow over you that makes you look up at him slowly. Your frightened demeanor amuses him, causing him to smile maliciously and he places his knee on the bed, coming close to you.

"Get out." He spoke without taking his eyes off you and the maids quickly hurried out of the room.

There you are now. Alone with Doflamingo.

You clutch the pink silk sheets and grit your teeth. With all your might you try not to look too afraid, but Doflamingo can literally taste that you are tense.

“Why are you so scared? fufufu.” There's something poisonous about his voice, something that makes you shudder. The closer he gets to you, the more you scoot backwards to keep your distance.

What you should know is that Doflamingo enjoys this game of cat and mouse. You are his prey and he will definitely snatch you. The way you wiggle backwards into the many cushions is simply entertaining.

Your heart skips a beat as you realize that you can't get any further back, because the head of the bed is behind you.

You don't even have the nerve to think about how you can convince Doflamingo not to sleep with you while he's reaching for you. But do you really think you can convince him with your words? Probably not.

He will make use of your body and nothing can stop him, you are sure of that. That's why you just sit in front of him, like a scared little bunny, making itself smaller and smaller.

His fingers go through your hair and holds it up to his nose. You stare stiffly at him as he savors your scent.

“Ahhh…” He moans satisfied and brushes your hair against his cheek "Your scent is so bewitching, I fucking love it." You swallow hard. You want to scream but you're afraid to make even the slightest noise.

“But you know what I love even more? The fear in your eyes.”

He grabs you roughly by the chin and forces you to look up at him. You breathe anxiously through your nose.

He is crazy.

You manage to gain control of your body and push him away from you. Surprisingly, he allows you to do so.

“Are you scared? Fufufu…” He leans back a little and looks down at your pathetic figure as he removes his shirt. You avoid his gaze and turn your face downwards.

You feel uncomfortable that he's making fun of you like this. His long index finger appears in your field of vision and Doflamingo lifts your chin.

"Don't be afraid, I can start by myself if you like." His voice is calm and a little teasing but the words he says sound lewd, something you're not used to.

You shyly dare to take a look at his upper body. His abs are nicely tanned and well trained. Surely, if he wasn't such a sick man, he would be every woman's dream.

You watch him as he unzips his pink pants allowing his long member to finally escape the prison of his tight pants. You swallow a little. This size is definitely not for beginners…

“Fufufu… Are you that hungry to swallow like this; or are you just shocked?"

Caught off guard, you look up at him. You didn't realize that Doflamingo was someone observing you so closely. Nervously, you bite your lip.

You had rather expected him to pounce on you and tear your clothes off, but he just sits in front of you and undresses himself with no hurry, while you ogle at his body with uncertainty.

Suddenly he rushes towards you and leans over you, stroking his member with one hand. Startled, you grab the blanket with both hands and press yourself into the mattress, hoping it will swallow you whole.

You try to avoid any kind of physical contact and close your legs. Unfortunately, Doflamingo forces his leg between them before you can do so.

“Don't be shy, dear.” He runs his tongue over his lips as if he wants to devour you and you turn your head to the side. You look around the room, the only option is to make a run for your life, as fast as you can, but will you be fast enough?

Doflamingo straightens up and strokes your thigh lovingly, gushing over the sight of you. You look so pathetic the way you desperately try to figure your escape.

It's written all over your face that you're scared. Probably not scared enough to make smart decisions, because you jump up, push Doflamingo away and run for the door.

You don't have the nerve to even notice that Doflamingo doesn't move a bit. He just laughs his nasty laugh. Just before you can reach for the doorknob, several thin strings wrap around you and hold you in place.

You try to defend yourself and stretch towards the door, but you quickly realize that the strands are cutting into your skin and blood starts to flow in some places.

Before you know it, Doflamingo is standing behind you and grabs you roughly by the neck, throwing you to the ground. He loosens your strings and applies pressure to your back with his foot.

It hurts. He presses his foot into your spine and when you try to support yourself from the ground, he crushes your head back down. Your tears gather. Why doesn't he just find someone who's into stuff like this?

“If you behave yourself, we'll both have a lot of fun…” His voice is no longer teasing, more threatening, as if you're going to die if you don't start acting good.

He grabs your arm and pulls you up. With one hand he makes a strange gesture and you immediately feel the strings tighten around your neck.

"If you're acting bad, I'll kill you." It gets tighter around your neck and you try to move as little as possible while you can't breathe.

You find yourself on the bed again and Doflamingo, who has completely separated from his pants right in front of the bed, looks down at you with a dark expression. His nasty smile has disappeared.

“It would be a shame if I had to kill you, so I hope you behave yourself.” His words leave you defenseless. If you deny him your body now, you will die. You swallow and look fearfully at where you suspect his eyes are.

“I… I'll b-behave.” Your voice is barely a whisper and shaky.

“Very good.” The corners of his mouth turn upwards and his strings loosen at your throat.

He kneels on the bed and pulls you closer using your thighs. His member lands on top of you and reaches your belly button. Aside from its length, you are concerned about its width. That's going to split you in two…

His big hand runs down your thigh, moving over to your stomach.

"The fabric looks gorgeous on your body." Unexpectedly gentle, he goes over your chest. The cool fabric of your nightgown stimulates your nipple and it stiffens.

However, it disgusts you that such tender touches belong to a loathsome man like him.

He grabs you by the neckline of your nightgown and literally rips the whole thing off your body. You flinch and try to cross your arms in front of your chest.

This sudden exposure makes your face flush crimson red. You feel his strings on your wrists and they pull your arms over your head.

“That's a nice sight.” You can't look at his messed up smile and close your eyes. You feel his cock throbbing against your body as he takes great pleasure in the way you try desperately to control your breathing without making a sound.

“Look at me.” His voice is cold and you widen your eyes, not daring to blink.

He strokes over your panties and applies a little pressure to your clit. Using slow circular movements, he caresses your little cunt, making it twitch. He runs his fingers over your skin with great tenderness and disappears under your underwear and his cold fingers make you twitch.

You curse yourself for feeling the pleasure of his touch. You're no stranger to such touches, you've done it to yourself before, but when someone else does it, it's a whole different story.

You bite your lip; surprisingly, he touches you just the way you like it. As if he knows your body all too well.

You tense your body. You don't want to be aroused by him, but unfortunately you are forced to realize that your body is moistening your folds all by itself.

"There is no point in resisting, my dear."

He pushes your underwear aside and places his member at your entrance. Your pleading looks only excite him even more and he stuffs his entire tip into your soft pussy. “N-no…! please don't.” you beg but he ignores you and continues to slowly drive his cock into you. The wetness of your cunt is barely enough for his shaft and you look down at yourself in pain, only to realize that he hasn't even come close to disappearing inside you.

Suddenly he stops.

“Fufufufufu… What do we have here? A virgin?” He licks his lips and rips his glasses off his face after discovering your blood on his member. He looks down at his cock and you are speechless about how his eyes can look even crazier than his smile does.

Your heart skips a beat as he looks directly into your pupils. His eyes are terrifying and more aggressive than you could have imagined.

“This seems to be my lucky day!” he gets louder. His laughter is maddening and without warning he thrusts his whole cock into your little hole. The pain tears you apart and you feel your warm blood running down your butt.

His thrusts are so fast that your whole body tenses up. Hoping that by resisting, you'll be able to stay focused and not go crazy from the adrenaline and pain.

Both the pain and the excitement of his hard thrusts drive you into madness. You let your head fall back and pray that it will end soon or you will find yourself passing out from the pain.

You feel stretched out and his movements are way too fast.

You can't even desperately hold on to the bed because your hands are still tied together over your head and so you let yourself be fucked into mad despair...

𝐄𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐊𝐢𝐝

[ 1675 words ]

It felt like it was the hundredth drunk guy grabbing your ass today. With a sudden yank, you hit the guy, while balancing a tablet with your other hand. The man was literally smashed into the ground and the floorboards broke... that's the kind of strength you have.

Drunk men are disgusting, bleurgh...

"Get your hands off me you disgusting bastard!" You wave your hand a little and blow it as you feel the heat from the impact, suppressing a smile as you look at the mark on the guy's face.

Your own hand is starting to hurt, after all the punches you've thrown at men today. You give the drunkard a disgusted face and waddle back to the bar.

You watch his comrades angrily, as they try to pick up the guy who's been knocked out and polish a few glasses.

However, that's your job and your life isn't a dream come true. You're lucky that Madame Lingerie took you in and raised you… even though it was in a brothel.

From one of the other tables, loud laughter exploded, drawing your attention to the noisy people.

A large, broadly built man with a body covered in scars and fiery red hair sat in the middle of the seating area. On both sides of him are one of the most beautiful prostitutes from the house, laughing with him about the show you put on in front of everyone.

Eustass Kid. A name that is very well known in this world.

You try to avoid the looks he gives you and clean up behind the bar. You certainly don't need approval from a pirate… and yet you catch yourself glancing over at them, every now and then.

"Hey woman, bring me two beers and sit with me!" He shouts over to you. You straighten your back and look over at him with furrowed brows. Casually you put one hand on your hip while giving him a challenging grin.

“My humble self is not for entertainment Eustass.” Your smile is sassy and Kid bursts out laughing.

“Entertainment? How about some company? You surely need a little break." He shows his teeth while flashing you a big smile.

Well, you have to admit that his devious manner is quite captivating. Something about the way he smiles crookedly at you is quite attractive. Finally someone who can be a pleasant challenge.

Without breaking eye contact, you tap him a new beer, but not a second one. You're sure the second one is for you. It's charming that he buys you a drink, but you prefer something else. You quickly mix yourself your favorite drink and go over to his table.

"Well, I don't see a spot available here." You stand casually with your drinks in your hand. He invites you to join him, but there's not even room for you? His drunken crew members look at you mischievously, too mischievously for your taste. Kid smirks and pats his thigh.

"You're looking for a seat? I've got one right here for you." He laughs at you challengingly. A little stunned, you blink at him but start to run your tongue over your teeth in a combative manner.

“Oh? Two beautiful women by your side aren't enough for you, so you need a third?” You put the drinks down on the table and cross your arms in front of your chest. You're not one of the girls he can pick… Apart from that, you wouldn't like to share.

“Killer, will you take these two for me? I need some space here…” He pushes the ladies away, but they have no problem leaving with Killer.

"Be careful y/n, Kid is a rough man..." one of the girls winks at you as they walk past and you roll your eyes.

If only you knew what she meant by that…

You'd love to blame it on the alcohol that you ended up on his ship but the truth is that the chemistry between you was just too good. You could literally feel the sexual attraction between you.

Making out like crazy, the two of you almost fall into his cabin and with eager hands you run over his chest. You rarely part your hot lips to catch your breath.

His hands reach around you and he lifts you up to carry you over to a table and place you on it without letting go of your lips once. You impatiently try to free yourself from your jacket and draw a deep laugh from Kid.

“Someone wants to get down to business quickly.” - “Shut up and get out of your pants!” You hiss at him and give him a little bite on the lip.

Impatiently, you grab his pants and fumble with his belt but Kid grabs your hand and pulls you away. With just a few quick moves, he turns you around and pushes you onto the table so that your butt is facing him.

He takes his time to enjoy the sight how your leather pants frame your round ass. He loves leather. He kneads and strokes your curves, occasionally giving you a small but tender slap on the ass. A dirty laugh escapes your lips as you look at him over your shoulder.

"So, do you like what you see? Wait till you see my ass without pants.” His eyes move from your ass to your face and a naughty smile adorns his face.

"That's not going fast enough for me." Is all he says before he rips your pants off.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” You try to turn around but Kid holds you down. A little tearfully you mourn your leather pants. They had served you well and now you're going to end up like this? Poor pants.

But your mourning comes to an quick end. Kid slaps your booty vigorously with his hand, causing a resounding noise to echo through the silent room. You feel his handprint precisely and even though it was a bit tingly at first, you feel a growing warmth in your core.

Again and again he reaches for your butt and decorates your skin with red marks of his hand. Each stroke sends you into a frenzy, an overwhelming pain that is both pleasant and humiliating.

In addition, you like to let him hear how much you enjoy his rough behavior and moan without holding back.

"Well you dirty little bitch, you like that?"

You grind your teeth. You're obviously into it. Annoyed and full of lust, you wiggle your ass at him.

"Come on you fucking pirate and just fuck me!" You growl at him. You want sex and you want it now.

To your delight, you hear a clinking sound, a belt buckle opening and shortly afterwards the muffled sound of his pants falling to the floor.

But before he just fucks you, you want to have some fun with him first. You turn around skillfully and get straight down on your knees.

You bite your lip and grin broadly when you see his huge cock. "Delicious." you say in a seductive voice as you look him in the eye. Kid's cock grows instantly as you look at him with your naughty smile.

You caress his cock with your tongue, while moaning softly. His flesh feels so good and you notice how wet you get between your legs. Kid can't stand the sight of you and the feeling of your soft mouth for long and forces you back onto the desk.

With a look of excitement, you spread your legs and wrap your arms around his neck as he strokes his member over your squishy folds. Impatiently, you rub against him and relieve yourself with the pressure his stiff member causes on your clit.

His big hands literally dig into your thighs as he thrusts into you. With low and deep thrusts, he draws sounds of satisfaction from your lips and you let your head fall back.

You wrap your legs around his hips, wanting him even closer to you and pushing him deeper into you. His thick dick fills you up perfectly and the pressure he leaves inside you as he holds this position makes the hair on your arms stand up straight.

“You're pretty greedy, I like that.” He grunts between the thrusts he slams into you.

His hands grab your tits and he pulls and twirls your nipple. You've never been touched so roughly and hell, you never want to miss it again. He gives your breast a little slap and moans dirty words into your face.

“You little slut should be mine.” He grabs you by the throat, with his hand going around your neck with no problem. He doesn't squeeze too hard that you lose your breath, just enough to drive you fucking nuts.

Excited by his overwhelming dominance, you arch your back.

"Mmhm, what's in it for me?" You grab his arm, whose hand is still on your neck, and hold it in place. You like the submissive role.

“You'll get a mouthful of my cock, every night if you like.”

“Mhmm, that's not entirely convincing.” Even though you've discovered your submissive side, you don't want to miss out on the challenge.

You love to provoke him. Suddenly he lifts you up and bends you over the table.

“You like getting your butt slapped, don't you?” His fingers gently caress the curve of your ass.

"Hey, who said you could stop fucking me?" Your cheeky manner earns you a slap on the butt.

"Shut the fuck up." he roars threateningly as he massages the red spot on your ass.

“I'll make you mine, you'll have no say in the matter...” He spreads your legs and gives you a little slap on your puffy pussy.

“I have no objections.” You moan in satisfaction.

Weeehw. It's finally done I hope you enjoyed it. I definitely enjoyed it :3

Kiss kiss your yuri ♡

[vampiiu]

Jeff the Killer Headcanons

- Jeff has ASPD. This causes him to not feel much empathy, sympathy, or remorse. The disorder completely destroys his ability to hold any sense of guilt.

- He often wakes up from nightmares and feels so inadequate as a person that he faces multiple suicide attempts, but they obviously failed because he's a valuable proxy and Slenderman is awake 24/7. totally not because Slender feels a fatherly urge to protect Jeff

- His bedroom is surprisingly neat. He cleans it when he's manic and he usually tries to keep it that way.

- Even if his bedroom is clean, don't expect him to be. He showers about 2-3 times each week with the claim "I don't give two shits" because he's too prideful to admit it's because he hasn't had the motivation all week and could barely get out of bed this morning.

- He and Liu mildly get along. They don't hate each other, but they don't like each other either. They have a silent understanding of "I'll protect you because you're my brother, not because you're my friend."

- Sometimes Jeff will tell a joke and Sully will accidentally laugh. It usually results in an awkward silence between the two.

- He doesn't like spicy food very much, but he eats it sometimes to cope with SH urges. It burns his mouth wounds enough to distract him.

- Jeff will mansplain anything/everything to you.

- With that being said, do NOT ask him about Donnie Darko because he will go on for hours about that movie. He's very passionate about that topic.

- Avid listener of Motörhead and PopKill.

- Thinks new memes are fucking hilarious. I have no idea why, but this man will start cracking tf up whenever you call yourself sigma or an alpha. He just thinks it's an absolute laugh riot.

[soaringwide]

PAC: What's great about you and how can you boost your self-confidence?

PILE 1 > PILE 2 > PILE 3

Today I wanted to do a lighter Pick a Card tarot reading and focus on the topic of self-confidence and how you can boost or improve it.

I hope this reading provides you comfort and help you understand what's awesome about you and what you can feel proud of :)

As always, this is a general reading meant for multiple people, take what resonates and leave out the rest.

IMPORTANT: I'm going on vacation until the end of September (2024) so there won't be new pick a card in the meantime, and I won't be able to do paid readings either. Shop is still open but keep that in mind because I'll either have to refund you or have you wait till I'm back. I'll be around a little on tumblr though in case someone wants to chat!

book a reading ★ all PACs ★ pinned post ★ instagram

PILE 1

Cards: the Magician, 10 of Swords, Queen of Swords, Page of Pentacles, Ace of Pentacles, Justice, Page of Wands, the Lovers, the Sun, King of Cups

What's great about you

You are able to draw a lot of strength from your inner struggles, using your pains and failures to fuel you and turn them into something that can propel you forward. Having high expectations for yourself and a deeply seated sense of your own values and opinions, you are not just someone who let themselves go for too long, but someone who always pick themselves back up and find a way to bounce back. Nothing is truly a failure if you can learn from it and come back of it stronger, smarter and more determined.

You know what you want for yourself and out of your life and you are determined to make things happen at some point. It's like some type of very determined energy, that while not super fast moving per say, does not back§ off before anything and keep moving no matter what, slow and steady like a deeply rooted tree inexorably growing year after year. You are someone with a vision, a dream that you hold firmly and I see you also having faith that things will turn out in your favor if you just keep pushing long enough.

It's not wonder that the magician takes the center stage of this part of the reading, as this Major Arcana represent the power of someone who brings concepts and ideas into reality. Someone who is always learning, always evolving, someone who seeks mastering everything they put their mind to, turning the most unfavorable situation into something that can serve them and their goal.

How to boost your self confidence

With the appearance here of Cups and Wands, which you were lacking in the previous section, you're basically being urged to balance yourself and complete your set of tools, so to speak.

The page of Wands adds the spark, the passion, the enthusiasm. It encourages you to be more optimistic and recognize your own power, and embrace your vision even further, allowing yourself to lean into it and really go along with it openly and with an adventurous spirit. This message is highlighted even further by the Sun, encouraging your to clear up your doubts and be more carefree. I think that you would gain a lot from letting go of the struggle mindset, knowing that yes, your resilience is admirable, but you don't need to struggle to do everything. Things can be easy and exciting too, not everything needs to be a struggle, and you have that power within you too.

The King of Cups is here to remind you that your emotions are not your enemy, but important carrier of messages and signals from the inner realms to take care of yourself in a gentle manner. I think this ability to pick yourself back up we mentioned earlier may sometimes make you a bit harsh with yourself, and you're being encouraged to be softer.

On top of that, in both sections, there is a strong Mercury influence, with on one side the Magician, and on the other Justice and the Lovers (both gemini cards, which is ruled by Mercury). What it means is that you can lean even more into your intellectual and communicative qualities, which you already have albeit in a rawer form.

With these cards, there is also a strong message about choice. Basically, if you want to feel more self-confident, you have to chose to embrace it first and foremost. To decide that this is a goal of yours, to believe in it and go for it, because with this here I don't think it's necessarily on your radar right now, but mostly some type of noise in the background. With your go-getter energy, really making it a priority will propel you forward with force.

You are a born storyteller, and the main protagonist of your own story. So what story do you want to tell? Embrace your vision and the world will open to you.

PILE 2

Cards: 2 of Cups, Queen of Swords, 8 of Cups, 5 of Pentacles, the World, the Tower, Ace of Pentacle, the Chariot, 3 of Pentacles, the Lovers

What's great about you

It seems that you have currently closed, or are closing, some type of painful cycle that made you feel a great sense of loss. Perhaps it is related to a relationship or an union of some kind. It made you feel like you were lacking something and broke your world and the vision you had for the future. You were left disappointed and perhaps even made you feel some type of hopelessness.

However, I don't think you gave up, but instead, you decided to move on and refocus on yourself. Which makes me think that right now, you are in this transitional phase. Why this message is showing up here is to tell you that you might not see it, but this ability of yours to bounce back and prioritize your own needs is admirable and a great strength.

What's great about you is that you know when enough is enough, you know what is worth fighting for and when to let go, and you know you can rely on yourself to advocate for your own happiness.

You are being encourage to see it, celebrate it and embrace the fact that while a new chapter is closing, a new one is opening too, even if you can't see it quite yet.

How to boost your self confidence

You are being encouraged to focus on a goal of yours, perhaps some type of dream or opportunity you'd like to go for. Do not linger on what you have lost, or what didn't came into being, but rather, on what could be in the future.

Let yourself dream and use that yearning to power you up and go after what you want. The Chariot as a character is someone who went through something difficult and learnt from it, leaving the doubts and uncertainty behind to embrace their desire to go for what they want. It's a card of movement and determination, of effort leading to success.

What I'm getting here might be different for different folks, but with the 3 of Pentacles and the Lovers, the main message I'm seeing is that you need to focus on building something for yourself first and foremost, working on that goal or dream of yours and seize the opportunity that are available to you without fear that you are not ready or good enough, because you are, and work towards it with patience and focus. For those who resonate with the relationship part of the previous section, it is possible that a better union is on the horizon once you allowed yourself to be in a better and more fulfilled place mentally and emotionally, and for others, it's talking about a more harmonious relationship with yourself where you would be able to accept who you are and love yourself more.*

(*Note: that is not to say there will be no relationship at the same time, simply that the cards comment on the harmony with yourself being primordial here. It's not mutually exclusive.)

So yeah, don't let past hurt dictate how you should feel and what you should go for. Let that go, leave that to the side, and look forward to the horizon. And remember to love yourself like you would like to be loved, for the amazing person that you are.

PILE 3

Cards: Temperance, Judgement, the Sun, the High Priestess, 5 of Cups, the Tower, King of Pentacles, 10 of Pentacles, 9 of Wands, the Hierophant

What's great about you

This pile is for those who have been intensively learning from their past and healed from it. There are three main messages here.

First, I see that you have learned to balance things between your rich inner world and your outer, more mundane life. I think you are highly intuitive and connected to your inner self, however, in the past, that may have made you overly detached from the world, and I see that you have made a lot of efforts to close that gap. I keep getting the word dissociation so perhaps that's relevant to some of you. Perhaps also you were described as overly mysterious or closed-off, and you worked a lot on yourself to be more open and actually connect with others authentically.

Secondly, I see that you went through a time of intense grief, which doesn't have to be about someone you lost (but could be) but can also be a general sense of loss or deep disappointment regarding something. For a long time, you stayed there licking your wounds and lamenting on the past, but then, you reached a point where you could not go on like that, some type of wake up call that made you move forward again.

Lastly, and tying the past two message together, you learned to let go of your catastrophizing or pessimistic mindset and are now more joyful, more optimistic, carefree even. There is a cheerful and youthful energy about you that some people who went through very heavy things and managed to come out on top hold, and is very inspiring to others who can sense it even if they don't know the details.

How to boost your self confidence

Here, I'm getting that after all the work you've done on yourself, it's okay and even highly encouraged to focus on your comfort and physical abundance too.

I think you may have put that to the side a lot, perhaps because it wasn't a priority or perhaps because you didn't think you deserved it, but here you're being urged to see that it's actually an important part of your life too. There is some type of legacy that you are able to leave, because you have the skills and/or wisdom to pass it down, and that could lead to a lot of success on different levels for you.

You need to let go of this mindset that you are not good enough, that you are unfitting to the things you want to get or to do, and also let go of this mental box you put yourself in where you were focused on surviving instead of thriving.

There is also the message that you hold a precious wisdom that could make you a point of reference in something, and that you need to recognize it and learn to actively share it. People will come to you for advice once you see that, but you have to see it yourself first and start to actively act on it.

[alessiasfreckles]

chocolate chip cookies (alessia russo x depressed!reader)

when you quit the team, feeling lost, no one knows what to do, including you. you spend days curled up in bed, alone, until you meet alessia, your replacement, who brings you out of your shell and helps you find yourself again.

warnings: depression is a big topic in this one! no mention of s/h or suicidal thoughts, just overall depression. if you're feeling depressed, don't hesitate to reach out.

-------------

When you tell the team that you’re quitting, the room goes silent. Then someone bursts out laughing. You’re not sure who, you’re staring at the ground, not wanting to look into the faces of your now former teammates. They think it’s a joke. It’s only when you turn around and leave without another word that they realise you’re being serious. 

And you are. You've already spoken to Jonas - he tried to convince you to stay, but you’d made up your mind. He told you that whilst he couldn’t guarantee there would always be a spot for you on the team, there’d always be a spot for you at the club. You nodded, thanking him quietly. You won’t be going back, you know that, but it seems unnecessary to make this harder for everyone else.

You don’t go back to the training ground after you tell everyone. You’ve already packed all your things in your car, wanting to make your departure quick and easy. On the drive home, your phone keeps buzzing with messages and calls from your former teammates. When you’re at a red light, you turn your phone off.

You decided to leave a while ago. You’ve lost any passion for the game, and when you realised that you were just going through the movements, you decided it would be best for the team if you left. You were dead weight, taking up a spot that could be used by someone else. Someone better. Someone who cares.

When you get home, you leave everything in the car, even your phone. You go inside and go straight to your room, getting into bed. you’re just so tired. It doesn’t take long for you to fall asleep, feeling slightly more peaceful now that you don’t have the prospect of quitting looming ahead. 

You wake up to the sound of someone banging on your front door. Most of the day has passed, it’s getting dark outside. You lie there for a minute, waiting to see if the banging will stop, but it just gets more insistent. You sigh, dragging yourself out of bed and to the front door. When it opens, you see the faces of your teammates. Beth, Viv, Leah, Kim, Katie. The core five. They ask what’s going on, say that they’ve been trying to call you and message you all day. You walk past them to your car, get your phone out, shrug. 

“I left my phone in the car,” you say. You watch them exchange glances.

Still, you don’t want to be a bad host. Or a bad friend - if they still consider you a friend. You decide that it’s understandable if they don’t. You invite them in, and they pile onto your sofa. Leah pulls a stool in front of the sofa, telling you to sit down. You sit. Five faces stare at you, expressions ranging from confused to worried to something like anger. 

You didn’t mean to make anyone angry. 

“What’s going on?” Kim asks, her captain voice on. 

You shrug.

“Why would you quit?” Katie asks, frowning. 

I’m not good enough, I'm bringing the team down, I don’t care about playing, the team deserves better, you all deserve better, runs through your head.

You shrug.

“Y/n, is something going on?” Viv asks, her voice gentle. 

I’m tired, I don’t want to do this anymore, I just want to sleep, I wish I didn’t exist, life would be easier if I didn’t exist, I don’t understand why any of you are here, why do you care about me, I don’t care about me, I’m not worth caring about.

You shrug, then shake your head. 

“I just don’t want to play anymore,” you finally say. You’re not sure if it’s the truth or not. You loved playing, once. You loved the feeling that you got when you were on the pitch, the way it made everything else melt away. But you haven’t had that feeling in a while. When you’re on the pitch, the voice telling you you’re not good enough follows you. 

Your former teammates frown. They’re not convinced, and honestly, neither are you. You say that you’re tired, you want to sleep. They get the hint and leave, but not before each hugging you tightly, telling you to call them if you need anything. Beth and Viv promise to bring Myle around at the weekend, and Leah says she’ll come and see you tomorrow. 

They keep it up for a few weeks, but the season is starting, and you know they’re busy. You spend your days at home, curled up in bed, cocooned in a blanket. You watch tv and scroll on your phone for hours. You order the food shopping to be delivered so you don’t even have to leave the house. Someone usually visits you on their day off, and the girls message you. You go over to Beth and Viv’s place, cuddle the dogs, watch tv there instead of in bed at home. It's okay. You’re fine. You don’t feel any better, really, but it’s fine.

It starts when you’re forced to go to a movie night. Leah promises it’s just a small group of the girls, she knows you don’t want to be faced with the whole team. She tells you that there’s one new girl there, the new signing, but that she’s really nice. On the day, you think about ways to get out of it - surely Leah can’t just force you to go? 

She can and she does. She shows up at your house, tells you that she will pick you up and put you in the car if she has to. You crack a smile at the image. It’s the first time you’ve smiled in a while. Leah notices. 

The movie night is at hers. She's picked you up early, and when you get back to her place she sets you to work, chopping fruits and veggies for a snack board. The doorbell rings, the first person arriving. You expect it to be maybe Beth and Viv, who are usually pretty punctual, but it’s the new girl. Alessia. You've seen her in person a couple of times, when the team played against Manchester United last season, but you were already feeling out of it and hadn’t paid much attention to her then.

She comes in, hugs Leah and smiles at you. You smile back. She asks if there’s anything she can do to help, and Leah directs her to some meat and cheese she’s put out that needs slicing. She's been seeing charcuterie boards on instagram a lot lately and wanted to try making one.

“You mean, you wanted to get us to make one for you,” Alessia teases, and you let out a small laugh. It surprises you, and Leah, whose mouth drops open slightly. Alessia doesn’t think twice of it - why would she, she’s never really met you before. She wouldn’t know that it’s the first time anyone has made you laugh in, well, months. 

The evening goes well. It's nice to be around the girls. You don’t pay much attention to the movie, your brain feels too foggy to keep up with it. The mean voice returns, telling you that you’re just there because they feel sorry for you. You start picking at your nails. 

“I like your nail polish,” Alessia leans over and says to you quietly. She’s sat next to you on the sofa. 

“Oh, thanks,” you reply, taken aback. The nail polish is chipped and worn, remnants from Katie coming over and painting your nails a few weeks ago. 

“It's a great colour. I like having my nails done but I'm terrible at leaving them alone. I fidget too much and I'm clumsy so I usually end up breaking at least one,” she tells you, looking at her own nails. 

You nod, not saying anything. You wrack your brain, trying to think of what to say or how to act. It's been so long since you talked to anyone new that you feel like you’ve forgotten how to be normal.

“Um, you can borrow it, if you want,” you say. “The colour, I mean. I can give it to one of the girls to give to you.”

“Really? That’d be great!” she looks at you with a big smile. You feel an odd sensation in your stomach, like you’ve just had a hot drink and the warmth is trying to spread throughout your body.

You nod shyly, giving her a small smile.

After that night, she starts messaging you. The first message you write off as being about the nail polish. After all, why else would she message you? She keeps going, though. After she sends you a message thanking you for the nail polish, she mentions a book she’s reading. You’ve read it too, so you figure the polite thing to do is to ask her what she thinks of it so far. Then she asks you for recommendations. You’ve been reading a lot, lately, now that you have time. You send her a detailed list, then realise that maybe that’s too much, but you’ve sent it now. She replies with heart eyes and exclamation marks, so you think that maybe it was okay after all. 

She asks if she can come over to borrow a book you’ve told her about. After a moment of hesitation, you say yes, she can come over tomorrow afternoon, if that works. You spend the rest of the day cleaning and tidying. The next morning you find a chocolate chip cookie recipe. You used to bake a lot, but you didn’t really have time for it anymore after becoming a professional footballer, and you weren’t meant to be eating that kind of thing anyway. The thought crosses your mind as you mix the ingredients that maybe Alessia won’t want any, since most of the team eat pretty healthily. You keep mixing. It’s too late now, you might as well finish making them.

You’re nervous, waiting for her to arrive. You’re not sure why, probably just because you haven’t interacted with her alone before. You’ve put some cookies out on a plate in case she wants any, and you’ve already got the book she wants to borrow lying on the table. 

When the doorbell rings, it makes you jump. You open the door and she steps inside, immediately giving you a hug, then quickly stepping back.

“Sorry, is hugging okay? I need to get better at checking with people before I hug them,” she says apologetically.

“Hugging is okay,” you nod, and she grins and pulls you into a hug.

“Oh my god, it smells amazing in here!” she exclaims, looking around.

“I made chocolate chip cookies,” you explain, and brace yourself for rejection. “Do you want one?”

“Absolutely!” she says, and you try to hide the surprise on your face. You offer her the plate and she takes one. When she bites into it, she lets out a moan that has you blushing. “Holy shit, y/n, these are incredible! You really made these yourself?”

You feel that warmth pooling in your stomach again. You nod, smiling shyly. 

“You should be a professional baker or something, these are so so good!” she tells you, polishing off the cookie. You can’t help but smile. There are crumbs on the corners of her mouth and a smear of chocolate on her chin.

“You’ve, um, got something,” you say, pointing to your chin. “Right there. A bit of chocolate, I think.”

“Whoops,” she blushes, wiping the chocolate away with a sheepish smile.

“Oh, I have the book you wanted,” you say, figuring that she probably has things to do. 

“Trying to get rid of me so quickly?” she asks.

A pit opens up in your stomach. “No, no!” you quickly insist, but she laughs and waves you off.

“I’m just teasing,” she tells you, smiling. 

You smile back, but it’s forced. It doesn’t seem like Alessia notices, though. 

“You have a lot of books,” she says, eyeing the large bookshelf in your living room. “Have you always read a lot?”

“I used to, when I was little. I didn’t really have time to read as much when I joined the team,” you say, and wince at the mention of your leaving. She’s never brought up the fact that she essentially replaced you, and you don’t want her to.

“I’m guessing leaving the team has given you a lot more time for things like reading?” she asks, and you nod. 

“And baking,” you add, not wanting it to seem like you’ve just been sitting at home not doing anything since you left. Even if that is the truth. She doesn’t need to know that today is the first time you’ve baked in, well, years.

“True, that one is very important!” she says, taking another cookie from the plate. “Seriously, y/n, these are amazing.”

She keeps asking you things, about yourself, about books, about your life, and you don’t realise how much time has passed until you look outside to see that it’s gotten dark. She follows your gaze out of the window and jumps up.

“Shit, I didn’t realise how late it was! I really should get going,” she says apologetically.

You hold out the plate of cookies. “Want one for the road?”

The two of you message more after that. It’s weird, how easy it is to talk to her. You chalk it up to the fact that she never met you before you left. This is the only version of you she knows. She doesn’t expect anything from you.

A couple weeks later, she asks if she can borrow another book. This time she wants you to recommend something for her, and you pore over your bookshelf for hours, trying to find the perfect book for her. Once you’ve decided on one, the next task you’re faced with is what to bake this time. She didn’t mention anything about it, but after she enjoyed your cookies so much, it feels like it’d only be right to bake something again. 

This time you make pumpkin spice cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. You carefully mould little pumpkins out of marzipan to decorate the cupcakes, and you can’t help but feel a swell of pride at the look of astonishment on her face when she eats one and lets out a moan at how good it is. She keeps commenting on the little pumpkins, in awe at the fact that you made them by hand, and the warm feeling spreads throughout your body, making your fingers tingle. After she leaves, armed with a new book and two more cupcakes, you get a message from Leah, inquiring about where her cupcake is, and how come Alessia gets cupcakes but you’ve never baked anything for her, and you smile to yourself.

The days in between visits are not as good. You still spend a lot of time curled up in bed. Sometimes, you think about the future, and you usually end up falling asleep trying not to think about it, brain spiralling. 

This goes on for a few months. Every couple of weeks, Alessia visits you for a new book and some new baked goods, and every time the two of you spend a little longer talking. You both avoid the topic of you leaving the team and what you’re going to do next. You have enough money in savings that it’s not something you have to worry about, for a while at least, and thinking about it makes you want to cry, or sleep, or just not exist anymore.

One day, though, Alessia is sitting on your sofa, eating a slice of lemon cake, when she asks gently, “What are you doing, y/n?”.

The question is enough to make you burst into tears, tears that you didn’t know you’d been holding in. 

“I don’t- I don’t know,” you sob helplessly as she rushes to your side, pulling you into a hug.

“Well, what do you want to do?” she asks after you’ve calmed down a little.

The question makes you stop. You haven’t thought about that in forever. 

“All I’ve ever wanted to do is play football,” you shrug. 

“But… not anymore?” she prompts you. You can understand why she’d think that. You quit, after all.

“I don’t know. I think I do still want to play, just… not at that level. It was too much. I feel like I-” you trail off, sighing. “I feel like I lost myself. And I still don’t know where I am, or who I am. Everything just feels so hard, like it’s all so much effort, and like there’s nothing I can do to stop it all from happening, like it’s a huge wave and I’m just getting tossed around under the water, barely able to come up for air.”

She nods, not saying anything, and you feel a sudden rush of embarrassment for opening up like that.

“Sorry, I don’t know why I said all that, I-” you say, but she cuts you off.

“No, it’s okay! I asked, I want to know. And it makes sense. A friend of mine struggled with depression a lot when we were teenagers, and-”

“Wait, depression? You think I’m depressed?” you ask, confused. Alessia laughs gently, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Oh, I’m 99% sure you’re depressed,” she says. 

“Wha- I’m not depressed,” you insist, shaking your head. “It’s not like I want to hurt myself or anything.”

“Okay, but do you ever feel like it would be easier if you didn’t exist?” she asks, and you frown. “Or, like, have you lost interest in things you were previously passionate about? Do you feel tired all the time?”

“Okay,” you say, slowly. “So, maybe I’m a little depressed.”

The mean voice at the back of your mind laughs. 

“What if I’m just being dramatic, though?” you ask. “Plus, I have no reason to be depressed. I have a good life, I have nothing to worry about.”

“Look, what if you go and see someone? A doctor, or a therapist?” she suggests, and your cheeks burn at the thought of burdening someone else with your problems.

“No, it’s fine, it’s not that serious,” you say, waving a hand. “There’s definitely more important stuff they have to deal with. I’m fine, seriously.”

She raises an eyebrow but drops the topic. She brings it up the next time she comes over though, and the next, and the next. You think about it a lot.You look stuff up online, look at social media accounts talking about people’s experiences, buy books dealing with the subject. 

The next time she comes over, you tell her you’ve made an appointment with a therapist, and she hugs you tightly. 

You start seeing each other weekly, after that. Sometimes she’ll go to yours, sometimes you’ll go to hers. She’s on a mission to help you figure out what you want, and nothing is going to stop her. She buys you baking books and equipment, goes to galleries and museums with you, watches documentaries on pretty much everything and anything the two of you can find. When you mention that you’ve been thinking about learning how to play the piano, she helps you find a teacher nearby. 

Things are looking up. You still don’t know what you want to do, but you’re feeling better. Your therapist is good, and you thank your lucky stars that you’re in a position to be able to pay for private therapy. 

When Alessia rings your doorbell, you don’t think anything of it. You’d planned for her to come over to watch a documentary she’d found about llamas (you weren’t sure what revelation you were going to have about your future from watching something about llamas, but who were you to deny her?). When you open the door, she’s smiling from ear to ear and holding a box.

“I have a surprise for you,” she says, closing the door behind her gently as she comes in.

She carefully sets the box down and opens it to reveal a small ginger kitten. It looks up at you with wide eyes and lets out a small meow, then puts its paws up on the edge of the box, looking out curiously.

“Alessia, what is this? Whose kitten is this?” you ask, dumbfounded.

“Yours?” she asks, smiling sheepishly. 

“What do you mean, mine?” 

“I mean, she’s your kitten. If you want her? Oh god, please say you want her. It’s just, you talked about having a cat when you were younger, and how much you’d like to have one again, and I figured they’re a lot lower maintenance than dogs, and-” she’s cut off by you hugging her tightly. Tears prick the corners of your eyes and you try to blink them away fiercely, still hugging Alessia. 

A small mew alerts you to the kitten, who has jumped out of the box and is rubbing her head against your leg. 

“I have her stuff in the car,” Alessia says, nodding towards the door. “I’ll just go get it?”

You nod, unable to look at anything but the tiny kitten now trying to clamber up your leg. 

You’ve been seeing your therapist for about 6 months when Alessia asks you to be her girlfriend. It’s a couple months after she got you Dorothea - Dory for short (or Dorito, occasionally), as you’d named the ginger kitten. You’re stunned, but quickly nod yes as she starts to bite her lip, looking worried at your lack of answer. You hug her, feeling her breathe a sigh of relief against you, and when she kisses you she tastes like the chocolate chip cookies you’d made earlier that day, the same recipe as the first time she’d come over. 

Your therapist has been helping you figure out what you want, now that you’re slowly regaining some of the passion you’d lost. You decide that you do still want to do something with football, just, as you’d told Alessia, not professional football. You hadn’t realised how much you’d missed having time to yourself, having other hobbies outside of your work. 

You get in contact with Jonas, who puts you in contact with some other people, and before you know it you’re back at the club. Not on the team, you've made it pretty clear that that’s not what you want. Instead, you’re spending the day at the youth program. You already know by lunch time that this is what you want to do. 

Before you know it, you’re settled in as a coach for the Academy. Your days consist of working with kids, young people who have the whole world ahead of them. You still have bad days sometimes, where it feels like you can’t get out of bed. On days like that Dory cuddles up next to you in bed, and Alessia holds you close. She moves in after you get the job, claiming it makes sense, since you’re always either at her place or she’s at your place anyway. She insists that she’s still very much a dog person, but you catch her asleep on the sofa one evening, with Dory curled up on her lap, and you smile.