#I truly forget that just because is my reality | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

likeumeanit9497 · 6 months ago

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metal | m.s. |

matt sturniolo x fem!reader

summary: y/n got a few new piercings, and when her best friend matt asks to see them, she can't say no

warnings: smut; unprotected p in v (bad); oral (fem receiving); masturbation (m/f); phone sex; dirty talk; 18+

notes: hiii guys. i feel like tumblr's flakiest writer ever coming back on here every few weeks with a one-shot and telling u all im gonna be more consistent but then just not being consistent at all. i just started a new college program and it is taking up so (!!!!) much of my time, so ive been barely able to put any time towards writing for funsies. soooo it might take me a couple weeks to put out one shots (sad) while im in this program, but i swear im doing the best i can. i appreciate u all so so so so much, but matt girls this one is for u <33

With a sigh of relief, I crawled into bed. It was late, and I was exhausted after a long day of dealing with family shit. The only thing that got me through my day listening to my dead-beat father come up with yet another excuse on why he no-showed at my birthday dinner was the promise that, at the end of the day, I would be able to curl up in bed and forget all of my problems. Now that time had come, and I couldn’t wait to turn on some trashy reality TV show and lose myself in their cushioned world for a little while.

Just as I started the show, I felt my phone vibrate beside me. For just a moment I was filled with dread — thinking that I would be once again pulled back into the drama that was my father — but once I saw the name at the top of my screen, I felt my body relax. Matt was calling.

Matt was my best friend, and he had been for years. Him and I met on the first day of school freshman year, and immediately became inseparable. He was the only person in my life who I ever felt comfortable around enough to truly open up to about my problems. There really wasn’t much in my life that he didn’t know, so of course I had told him last night that I was going to see my father, and of course that was why he was calling. Annoyingly, I felt a smile creep up on my face. I hated that I loved how involved he got with my problems; as if they were his own. I would never admit this to anyone, but it really helped because it made me feel less alone.

“Hey you.” I greeted him after accepting the call. “Hey Y/n.” His voice sounded familiar in my ear, and already it calmed the sea of bad thoughts crashing in my mind. “How did today go?” He asked, keeping his tone light. I knew though that if I could see his face, there would be faint lines of concern etched in his forehead. I sighed. “Exactly like I knew it would. He gave me an insincere apology and weak excuse the way he always does.” Matt stayed silent on the other side of the call, allowing me the time to tell him as much as I wanted. His soft breathing through the speaker, however, comforted me and let me know that he was listening.

“He smelled like a distillery and couldn’t stop slurring his words, yet he was still trying to tell me that he hadn’t drank all week.” I heard my voice weaken, and I hated that I felt a lump forming in my throat over the situation. I hated that I cared, and I definitely didn’t want anyone to know that I did; even Matt. But of course, he knew anyways. I heard an empathetic sigh through the phone. “I’m sorry, Y/n.” I rolled my eyes, doing everything I could to keep the tears from falling. “It’s whatever. It’s not like I’m really losing much, but I did tell him that I’m done for good.” I forced my words to come out smooth, like I didn’t care. And I didn’t, not really.

“That must have been really hard, Y/n. I’m really sorry.” Matt’s words were sincere, and they caused the lump in my throat to grow even bigger. I forced out a laugh to keep my other emotions at bay. “Don’t be sorry. It’s better this way. Maybe now I can finally have peace in my crazy life.” There was silence on the line, and I knew it was because Matt wanted me to go deeper about my feelings, but I couldn’t handle much more tonight.

“Anyways,” I started, blinking away my tears and plastering a corny smile on my face as if Matt could even see it, “How have you been? We haven’t talked much over the past week.” At the change of subject, Matt picked up on my disinterest in the topic of my father, and like the best friend he is, transitioned into our new topic smoothly. “I’ve been good, been working a lot but it’s been on exciting things. What have you been up to? You know, besides today?” I chuckled softly.

“Honestly not much besides work. My boss has been really stressed out since the end of last quarter so I’ve been coming into the office early and staying well past five every day.” I paused, staring up at my ceiling trying to think if there was anything exciting I could tell Matt. Suddenly, I remembered that there actually was something that I had done that was more interesting than just working late all week. “Oh! I also got some new piercings last week.” It was Matt’s turn to chuckle.

“Y/n, how the fuck did you fit more piercings on your body?” I laughed. He was right, both of my ears were filled with every piercing imaginable, and I also had my nose, tongue, and belly button pierced. I had already told him that I would never get anymore facial piercings, and I certainly didn’t have much room on my ears to get more, so I understood his confusion entirely. “Do you want to guess where they are?” I teased, feeling relieved to have something to talk about that didn’t make be absolutely miserable for once. “Sure,” I heard what sounded like a blanket rubbing against the speaker, and I assumed that Matt was now getting comfortable in bed, also seemingly enjoying the light-hearted conversation, “But can I get some hints?”

“Sure,” I replied, “You can ask me three questions.” I heard him smile through the phone. “Okay…” There was a pause as he came up with his first question. “How many did you get?” Without hesitation, I was able to respond. “I got three.” There was another pause, and then. “Are two of them a part of a pair?” I laughed at Matt’s not-so-subtle guess. I had told him months ago that I had been wanting to get a certain pair of piercings for a while, and I knew he was thinking of that exact conversation. “Yes they are.” I replied, and there was a dramatic gasp on the line. “Ouch, you actually got your nipples pierced?” His voice was laced with playful concern, and something else. Intrigue?

“Okay okay, you got two out of the three. One more question left.” I encouraged him. If he was shocked about my nipple piercings, I couldn’t wait to hear his reaction to the third. He was silent again for a moment, surely confused by the third piercing. Nipple piercings weren’t that outlandish for me, and he knew that, but this last one is sure to blow his mind. “Oh god, I don’t know. Is it another body piercing?” His tone sounded so helpless, and I knew he really didn’t have a clue. “It is, yes.” I did my best to contain my laughter at this point, not wanting to give it away.

“Is it a second belly button piercing?” The guess was weak, and by the tone of his voice he knew it. “Nope.” I replied, biting my nails in anticipation. He was once again silent on the phone, and I knew he was officially running out of ideas. After a moment, I decided to give him one last hint. “Think lower.”

A new silence poured from the phone. Before, there was the silence of deep thought. Now, there was a heavier silence that let me know he finally put it together in his head. Below your belly button, there aren’t many places you can get pierced. He knew that just as much as I did. But I didn’t know if his silence meant he was just shocked, or if he was genuinely disappointed in me. For the first time since becoming friends with Matt, I felt nervous that maybe I had gone too far.

“You’re serious?” He asked, finally breaking his silence, and I couldn’t help but release a short, nervous laugh. “Yeah. Why? Did I just delve too far into the daddy-issues stereotype?” I tried to keep my tone humorous, but inside I was actually worried that was true. Did he think I was weird now? Or did the fact that I had a piece of metal pierced atop my bundle of nerves immediately turn me into some dirty whore in his eyes?

“No! Jesus, no Y/n.” His rushed words put a pause on my spiralling thoughts, and I felt myself relax slightly. “It’s just,” In that moment, I wished that I could see his face. At least then I would have better odds of being able to read him instead of just waiting helplessly on the other side of the phone. He was struggling to find the words he wanted to say, and in my mind that meant he was getting ready to give me some sort of lecture. It wasn’t something that he was in the habit of doing, but I had also never done anything as shocking as this before. I began to prepare myself for this lecture, and come up with explanations and excuses for what I had done, when his hesitant words stopped me in my tracks.

“Can I see them?”

I stared at my phone for a second, unsure if I was just hearing things. “You want to see them?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking, for clarification’s sake. I was shocked. Even with how close Matt and I are, we had never ever seen each other naked. In fact, there had been no physical intimacy between us other than platonic cuddles every once in a while. I would be lying, though, if I denied ever having moments of weakness. There had been times, when we would have sleepovers after tough days and the heat of Matt’s comforting body pressed against me, where I had wanted to throw all logic aside and press my lips to his. But I never would have done it. Matt wasn’t exactly known for his boldness, and I feared that my bad habit of being spontaneous would absolutely destroy our friendship. But now, he had me questioning all of that.

“I’m curious.” He replied, his tone nonchalant. I still couldn’t tell if he was being serious, and I felt like a deer in headlights. Just as I was about to tell him to stop fucking around, my screen lit up with a Facetime call from Matt. My stomach did a flip. “You gonna pick up?” His voice made me jump, but I cleared my throat and hit accept.

Suddenly, Matt’s face filled my screen. He was in his bed, the only light in his room seeming to come from a faint source; likely his computer screen. His face was so familiar, and the smile he sent me so comforting, that I immediately felt more at ease than I felt before. “Hey.” He said gently, and I laughed at the ridiculousness of this moment. “Hey” I replied before shifting my position in bed nervously. “So you were serious?” I asked awkwardly, and he nodded. “If you’re okay with it, obviously.” I took a deep breath. I was okay with it, of course, but it was just so out of the norm for us that I felt shell shocked.

“I’ll show you nipples first.” I said, sitting up in my bed before grabbing the bottom hem of my oversized t-shirt. I positioned my phone in front of my still-clothed chest, and watched his face on the screen. He laid naturally in bed, acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary, but the way his dilated blue eyes were glued to the screen I could tell that he was feeling the same kind of anticipation that I was. Slowly, I finally lifted my shirt up over my chest; allowing him a full view of my new piercings.

I intentionally left the shirt up to block my own vision, because I couldn’t handle watching him stare at my tits for the first time. In the dark, all I heard was silence for what felt like forever, and I got worried that I had somehow lost him. Cautiously, I pulled my t-shirt away from my eyes, and glanced at him on the screen. He was staring intently; I could see his eyes move from one tit to the other every few seconds, and there was a slight grin across his face. “Wow.” He said finally, still taking them in. “Those are sick piercings.” I stifled a laugh at the fact that he was still trying to act like it was all just about the piercings, and that there weren’t two tits attached to the metal. “Thanks.” I replied, a small chuckle still evident in my voice.

I allowed him a few more seconds of shameless staring before speaking again. “You ready for the third?” I watched as he blinked a few times and took a deep breath. “I can’t wait.” He replied, causing my stomach to do another flip. I brought the phone back up to my face as I laid back down, smiling at him nervously as I pulled my comforter off my lower body. I was only wearing a pair of panties, so I already felt shy when I positioned my phone in between my legs. I used the front camera still, hoping that it would allow him a better view, but hated that you could still see the lower part of my face.

Matt hadn’t moved in his bed since I looked at him last. In fact, it almost looked like his image was frozen. His eyes were still glued to the screen, and he seemed to be barely blinking; as if he was scared that if he did, he would miss it entirely. “Okay, ready?” I asked, using the hand that wasn’t holding the phone steady to grab onto the side of my panties. Even in the almost-dark of his room, I could see him gulp before nodding his head. “Ready.” He replied.

Slowly, I hooked a finger under my panties, and pulled them to the side. In the blink of an eye, all of me had been revealed to Matt through a screen inches away from my core. My eyes veered back and forth from myself in the phone and Matt’s expression. I could see the shiny metal glitter against my pink clit, and watched as Matt visibly struggled to keep his composure. Neither of us spoke for a moment, and I felt myself begin to tremble under his shameless stare. I grew nervous, then, that my body would begin to give away how suddenly aroused I became under his eyes. My core was flooding with heat, and I knew that I was beginning to grow slick with my wetness.

“Does it hurt?” He finally spoke, but his voice had changed drastically since I had last heard it. It had dropped nearly a whole octave, and there was a sort of breathlessness to it that was foreign to me. It was the voice of arousal, and that knowledge was enough to drive me crazy. “N-no, it doesn’t,” I replied, using all the strength in me to not squeeze my legs together to relieve some of the pressure flooding my core. “It’s been a week, and these sorts of piercings heal really quick surprisingly. I can touch it and everything.” My last sentence fell from my mouth thoughtlessly, and I immediately felt my cheeks grow hot at my accidental boldness. That didn’t last long, though, because Matt’s next words pulled all that heat right back to where it was before.

“So touch it then.”

It was like all the sense was knocked out of me from his words. I would have thought that my instinct would have been to laugh and roll my eyes before telling Matt to knock it off, but the seriousness of his tone, the sharp blue of his piercing eyes, and gruffness of his voice caused my brain to shut off. Immediately, my hand traveled to my bud, where I began to slowly play with the metal. Although I had been telling the truth when I told Matt that it was fully healed, I hadn’t yet touched myself in this way since getting it pierced, and the new sensation immediately sent pleasurable shock waves through my body. As I began to slowly rub my clit, the metal added a new level of pressure to the nerves that — combined with the adrenaline that came from doing this in front of my best friend for the first time — caused me to throw my head back against my pillows.

“Tell me how it feels.” Matt’s deep voice filled the space around me in a way that made me feel even more erotic, and I released a soft moan. “I-It feels good.” I replied breathlessly, my fingers beginning to move quicker as I squeezed my eyes shut in pleasure. “Better than before?” His question came out slightly choppy, and through the phone speaker I heard the rhythmic shuffling of his comforter. “Y-yes. Much better.” I managed to reply, the thought of what he was doing to himself on the other side of the screen pushing me closer to the edge.

“Look at me.” He commanded, and without hesitation I lifted my head up; looking at him through the screen. He could only see the lower half of my face, but I could see all of his. As I continued toying with myself, I watched him through fluttering eyelashes. Although his face had not changed much — besides the darkening of his pupils and the faint accumulation of sweat on his brow — the repetitive movement of his bicep at the corner of the screen told me everything that I needed to know. “You look so good.” He complimented me, his voice low and gravelly. I moaned in response, rolling my hips slowly as I began to grow antsy with a need that I knew I couldn’t fulfill myself.

The pleasure was growing like a balloon deep inside of me, but my own fingers weren’t enough to reach it. Not now; not when I have a beautiful man that I trust more than anyone else watching me with that dangerously erotic gaze. Just like Matt knows everything about me, I know everything about him. And so I know that, in this moment, he wants the same thing that I do. That’s why I didn’t feel any unease or hesitation when I drew my fingers away from my clit, ran them achingly slow along the rest of my heat, and spoke.

“Please come over Matt.”

It was a request that I had made to him countless times. Those times I was usually close to tears after a long day of dealing with the shitty cards I had been handed in the family department. I needed him then, like I need him now. In those times he never ever hesitated, and this time was no different. In one swift motion, I watched through the screen as Matt lifted himself out of his bed, threw on a t-shirt, and grabbed his keys off the bedside table. “I’ll be there in ten.” Just like my request, his response was the same as always. As I told him to drive safe before hanging up the call, I felt my body vibrate in a way it never had before. I pulled my hand out of my panties and waited in desperate anticipation for the familiar sound of his car pulling into my driveway.

𓆩☆𓆪

Matt arrived at my place in eight minutes, and as soon as I saw his headlights through my window, I sprung out of bed and raced to the door. There was no nervousness, no reluctancy, no questioning whether or not we were making a big mistake; all I knew was that I needed his hands on my burning skin desperately.

I flung the door open before he even had a chance to knock, but Matt didn’t hesitate before pulling me into him and engulfing my mouth with his own. Although we had never kissed before, it wasn’t shock that I felt in that moment; it was the melting satisfaction of familiarity. I practically collapsed in his arms as his mouth moved against mine as if they were two pieces of a puzzle, and relished in the feeling of his hands travelling wildly across my aching body at last.

As he held me gently against the wall, I felt his hardened member press against my core, and I shuddered in pleasurable frustration. In that moment, I could have lost all self control — pulled his pants and boxers down in one movement and slipped his cock into my aching core right then and there — if he hadn’t grabbed onto my ass and lifted me off of the ground. Without removing his lips from mine, he carried me past my entrance way and all the way into my dark bedroom as if he had memorized every square inch of my place.

As he continued to kiss me with hungry desire, he paradoxically draped my body gently against my bed. Leaning over me, his mouth refused to leave mine and his tongue begged me for entrance. I obliged, and our tongues swirled together with comfort; as if they were old friends. The sound of our heavy breathing filled my head, and I ran my hands along his body; allowing myself to feel him in a way I never had before. Each part of him felt familiar — his back, his arms, his stomach — but each new part of him I touched set off sparks of electricity under my fingertips. This was real, and this was good.

It was only after I began toying with the waistband of his pants, and he the hem of my shirt, that our lips separated and we really looked at each other since the moment he arrived. Both of our chests were heaving as we tried to catch our breath, and I gazed up at his darkened eyes for what felt like forever, until a soft smile crept onto his swollen lips. “Hi.” He said, and I released a short laugh realizing that this was the first word either one of us had said to the other since hanging up the Facetime call. “Hey.” I replied, a smile matching his now etched onto my face.

“Can I take this off?” He tugged on the bottom of my t-shirt, and I nodded. “Please.” I replied, feeling no shame in my clear desperation. Matt obliged, pulling the shirt up over my head and exposing the tits he had seen on Facetime not long before. There was a pause, and for the first time since we started all this I felt briefly insecure. That is, until I looked up to his face and saw his jaw physically dropped in awe. He looked like he had fallen into some sort of trance, and mindlessly brought his two gentle hands toward my hardened, pierced nipples. He ran a soft thumb against each piercing, and I hissed at the deliciously taunting sensation.

“Do these ones hurt at all?” His voice was soft, almost a whisper, but his eyes never left my chest. “These ones do a little, yeah.” I replied, to which his eyes finally fluttered up to my face with slight concern. “But it’s really not that bad.” I added, reassuring him out of fear that he might suddenly not want to continue. This seemed to help, as his eyes made their way back to my chest before his body suddenly began tilting forward. He leaned above my chest, really only centimetres away, and I watched as he placed two small, unbelievably gentle kisses against each hardened nipple. The ecstasy I felt in that moment caused me to release a soft moan, and goosebumps spread across my skin like wildfire, and I suddenly realized that I needed him more than ever.

As if reading my mind, his mouth then began moving slowly down my writhing body. He took his time on my sternum, then the skin below my belly button, then my hip bones, and I felt like I could explode. My hands flew to his hair and I subconsciously tugged at its base in decadent frustration. And then slowly, so, so, slowly, Matt began dragging my soaked panties down my legs. I felt like I could crumble under his gaze, but his eyes never left my newly exposed core. Blinking ever so slowly, he dropped to his knees and grabbed my shaky legs to part them. Once he did, I watched as he groaned softly at what he saw.

I knew without having to look that I was literally dripping from arousal, and that hunch was confirmed when Matt took one finger and dragged it along my slit; collecting the overabundance of fluid. He didn’t even take his eyes off of my centre, he just brought his wet finger to his mouth and wrapped his lips around it; so transfixed by what he saw in front of him that he didn’t even care to make a scene of tasting me for the first time. I had never felt more glorious than I did in that moment, and it was so overwhelming that I could have came just from sight alone.

Slowly, Matt’s mouth inched closer and closer to my clit, before he carefully wrapped his lips around it. Upon the first contact of his warm tongue playing with the cool metal of my piercing, I was hit with a powerful wave of pleasure that shook my whole body. As he picked up speed, swirling and sucking my bundle of nerves, I couldn’t control the sounds that fell from my lips. Moans of pleasure, pain, and anticipation filled the room, and they only seemed to draw similar ones from Matt.

Matt slid two fingers into me with ease, and began pumping them in and out in rhythm with the movements of his tongue. His fingers were curled up to just the place I needed them to be, and I felt what was left of my sanity begin to crumble as I approached an orgasm. The orgasm that I had been desperately needing since our Facetime call. It’s impending presence had taken control of my mind for what felt like forever, and now it was finally threatening to take control of my entire body. Yet, still, I needed more.

Quickly, before the first waves could crash, I pulled Matt’s face away. Immediately, his blissed-out expression quickly changed to one of concern, but before he had the chance to speak, my desperate voice filled the room. “Please Matt, I want to cum with you.” His features softened before understanding flashed in his eyes. Without saying a word, he stood up and began unzipping his pants. I waited in anticipation, watching with hungry eyes as his painfully hard member sprung free from his boxers. Once he had fully discarded his clothes, he leaned down and kissed me so deeply that I saw stars. His mouth tasted like me, and I couldn’t help but slip my tongue past his lips; intoxicated by the combination of me and him on my tastebuds.

I felt his naked member press against my core and I shuddered from pure lust. I was so engulfed in the intensity that I was afraid I would fall into pieces as soon as he slid into me. Breaking the kiss, Matt straightened himself out and grabbed my legs before placing them on either side of his waist. The two pieces of us that needed each other the most right now were just inches from one another. My eyes fell between my legs, and I watched in euphoric awe as Matt grabbed his swollen member, lined it up with my centre, and slowly pushed into me. His movements were so torturously, deliciously slow, my eyes rolled and my head fell back onto the mattress.

On each slow roll of his hips, his cock slammed into my g-spot and made my vision go spotty. I held onto his flexed shoulders like I was drowning and they were my life raft, and I released harsh guttural moans each time my walls stretched; welcoming him graciously. “Fuck, you feel so good.” Matt’s raspy voice fluttered my stomach, and I opened my eyes to come face-to-face with him. He was staring down at my contorted face with a look filled with nothing but pleasure and adoration. His flushed cheeks and dark pink lips gave him a look that bordered on innocent, but there was a certain hint of hard focus in the depths of his ocean eyes that told me he was feeling as good as I was.

Each time he thrusted into me, the soft crest of his pelvis brushed ever so lightly against my new piercing; granting me a new form of pleasure that I had never experienced before. I had been told by other people that the piercing can be intense during sex, but I had underestimated just how intense it would be. I had no sense of control as Matt’s cock continued to drive into me, and I couldn’t help but vocalize how he was making me feel.

“J-just like that Matt, fuck!”

“Your c-cock fills me s-so go-od!”

“H-harder, please baby!”

At my last statement, Matt showed he was listening by suddenly slamming into me harder and faster than I had ever felt before. He grabbed my legs and wrapped them tightly around his waist, and as I arched my back in pleasure he draped one of his arms around it and used the other to hold my jaw; brushing it lightly with his thumb to ensure me that his gentleness had not completely disappeared. His breathing quickly grew more and more rapid, and deep grunts fell from his mouth every few seconds.

I was hit with shockwaves of pleasure upon each of his thrusts, and I knew that my orgasm was closer than ever. I dug my nails into his back and tightened my legs around him in a desperate and subconscious attempt at getting as close as possible to him, and it was clear that there was no stopping the orgasm that was bubbling inside of me. “G-gonna cum Matt.” I squeaked out, rolling my hips up slightly deepen his thrusts even more. “Good girl, want me to cum with you?” His words were in my ear, and even the dampness that his mouth made against my skin added to my unraveling euphoria. Beyond the point of being able to speak correctly, I simply nodded my head frantically.

As I did, Matt released the deep moan that pushed me over the edge. My orgasm took control of every cell in my body, and I cried out in overwhelming pleasure as it tore me to shreds. I felt my body stiffen so much that I was practically lifting off of the bed, and my walls pulsed intensely as I squirted violently all over Matt. Just then, I felt Matt’s body stiffen above me, and his movements became a whisper as he cursed into my ear. “Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.” His moans rang in my ear with each of his weak thrusts, and I felt his twitching cock paint my walls white as he came undone in unison with me.

Eventually, his body stilled completely, and he rested above me as we both caught our breaths and came down from our highs. His cock slipped out of me, and I immediately felt cold and empty in its absence. After a few moments, Matt lifted his head from my shoulder and gazed at me with a soft smile on his face.

“Damn.”

“I know.”

”I mean, that was-”

“I know.”

We continued to stare at each other, both with matching smiles on our faces, until I dissolved into childish giggles.

“What?” Matt asked, unable to keep himself from laughing as well. “What?” He asked again, nudging my shoulder gently as I giggled. “I mean come on,” I continued to laugh, “That was crazy. Don’t you think it was crazy?” I looked at him, starting to feel the first hints of regret now that it was over and we had to go back to being friends. “I don’t think it was crazy.” He replied simply, before bringing his lips back to mine. This kiss was different than the other ones we shared tonight, though. There was no hunger, no lust. There was just love.

He pulled away after only a few moments, and I looked back at him with what I was sure was confusion all over my face. “I have never felt less crazy in my life than I’ve felt tonight.” Matt continued, and I felt my stomach flutter, “Tonight, everything finally feels right.” I felt a bashful smile form on my lips. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel the exact same way. “So,” I started, unsure of how to maneuver this, “What now?” Matt got up.

“Well,” He began, grabbing his discarded t-shirt and using it to gently clean me up, “It’s late and you’ve had a long day, so I think we should get some sleep.” I propped myself up on my shoulders and watched as he began to clean himself next. “And then when we wake up tomorrow, we’ll go get some breakfast and talk about what we both want.” He walked into my adjacent bathroom and started the shower, the way he has done a thousand times before, before walking back to where I was and helping me off the bed.

Once I was on my feet, he placed another gentle kiss against my lips, and I felt my insides melt at the comfort of his touch. “But if I’m being completely honest, which you know I always am, I think we both already know we want the same thing.” I looked up at him through nervous eyelashes, and had to chew my bottom lip to stifle the massive smile that was threatening to take over my mouth. Matt had no problem showing his huge smile, and he tilted his head quizzically in my silence. “Am I right?” He asked, and instead of responding with words, I leaned up and placed a kiss of my own on his lips.

─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─

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adragonprinceswhore · 7 months ago

Text

Soft & Hard

Aemond Targaryen x Ex Girlfriend

Summary: How do you forget about Aemond Targaryen when he’s everywhere you look?

Warnings: 18+, AFAB reader, she/her pronouns, angst, emotional infidelity, descriptions of self-hatred, situationship, intoxication, smut, heavy petting, drunk sex, P in V, (some) size kink

Word Count: 4000

A/N: This has been plaguing my mind for weeks now, so I really needed to get it out of me and into the world. This can be read as a continuation of my Hockey player Aemond drabble, but can also be read as a standalone. Aemond is a hockey player in this modern AU! 🩵

You prop your feet up to rest on the sides of your bathtub, angling the shower head just right so it hits that spot that sends pleasurable shivers rippling through your body.

Your eyes are closed, and you’re desperately trying to visualise the hot guy from the TV series you’d just binged; mind racing through any arousing scenario you can come up with.

It’s not an easy task; keeping yourself occupied enough to not drift towards the very man you’ve vainly tried to erase from your memory.

You don’t want to think about him.

Thinking about him always leads to missing him.

It leads to longing for him.

No matter how badly he hurt you. No matter how much you rationalise your reasons for leaving, your stupid heart yearns to fill the hole he’s left behind.

Pathetic.

You shut your eyes with more force, thinking of the hot TV character. Upping the pressure of the shower head, you imagine it’s him going down on you that’s causing the pleasure building inside. Your hips begin to shallowly sway back and forth, and low whimpering moans slip from your lips.

As the pleasure builds and builds, the image in your head morphs; the hot TV guys’ hair turns silver, no matter how hard you try to stay focused.

You’re close, so close, and just as you’re on the edge of pleasure, you hear him,

“You’re so pretty like this”

And you cum so hard you drop the showerhead in your grip, legs shaking as your hips jerk upward aggressively.

Water sprays across the bathroom as the shower head falls, but you’re too lost in your own bliss to truly care, giving yourself a moment to just disappear into the fleeting, fierce pleasure consuming you.

After a while, when your legs have stopped shaking and your cunt has stopped clenching around nothing, you turn the rampant shower head off with a sigh.

The satisfaction of your orgasm is short-lived, promptly followed by the lonely reality of you chasing pleasure alone in your bathroom. You could stay in the tub and make yourself cum 10 more times and it wouldn’t change the loneliness residing inside of you.

You could try to picture that hot guy from the show fucking you for hours, still you’d feel the same.

Still, visions of him would cloud your mind. And the chill of loneliness would penetrate your bones, as it does right now.

Because no one kisses your forehead afterwards, or holds you tight, or whispers sweet things into your ear.

You're alone, and the warm water quietly splashing around you doesn’t stop the cold porcelain of your bathtub from chilling your heated flesh.

You shiver.

Sick of yourself; of your self-pity and hatred, you leave the tub and throw on a dressing gown, already on a search for a new distraction.

Anything to take your mind off Aemond Targaryen.

Forgetting Aemond was nearly impossible.

Not only did your mind remind you of your heart’s longing for the man that broke it. The world did as well. Like when you overheard your colleagues discussing his latest game, and how skillfully he tackled his opponents, landing a blow on them so precise yet hard that they flew into the rink. Or when you got home after a long day and turned on the TV, greeted by him giving a post-match interview all sweaty and panting.

The only way you knew him.

Being restricted to seeing the man you’d spent countless nights together with through the TV screen has brought you to the conclusion that ultimately, your relationship hasn’t changed much.

Sure, you don’t send him nudes anymore. Nor does he fuck you into the mattress of whichever hotel room he brings you to.

But the distance is the same. The loneliness isn’t new; it always existed between the two of you. He never really cared to let you in.

You were convenient.

Pliable.

An easy fuck.

You should’ve realised it sooner. Like that time when Alicent Hightower, Westerosi socialite and Aemond’s mother, stopped by one of his practices. You were helping him lace his skates when she appeared, and as soon as he noticed his mum approaching, Aemond’s large hand gently but firmly pushed you away.

Ms. Hightower’s curious gaze had asked about you, and her son huffed out, “She’s an acquaintance”

An acquaintance.

Not even a friend.

To you, Aemond was the first thing you thought about in the morning, and the last thing you thought about before going to sleep.

To him, you were an acquaintance.

Pathetic.

That should have been the last straw. But you kept seeing him. Not even the humiliation and hurt you felt as you excused yourself and ran to the bathroom with tears in your eyes could stop you from craving him. That was the power he had over you.

The power he still has over you, even in his absence. Even if you blocked his number 6 months ago and haven’t seen him once since.

The actual last straw was a message you’d gotten from an unknown number, asking if you’d send more of those “hot slutpics in dat black thong”. For a second you thought it was Aemond having a laugh, but the message didn’t sound like him, and he isn’t exactly known for being a guy that appreciates humour, or ‘pranks’.

Turns out, the number belonged to Aegon Targaryen, Aemond’s older brother and notorious fuckboy. Word around King’s Landing was that every girl who’d slept with him had gotten chlamydia, and still he seems to find a new conquest to throw his arms around each weekend.

Perhaps the sleaziest guy in the Seven Kingdoms.

Turns out, it runs in the family.

You blocked Aemond’s number that night. After swearing to never let your desire for him get the best of you again, you begged your friends to take you out and get you so shitfaced the humiliation Aemond had inflicted on you would be washed away.

It didn’t work.

You’re still tainted by his touch.

So you switch tactics. You look for someone else.

About a month after you’d called things off with Aemond, you thought you’d found a good replacement. A nice, inconspicuous guy who was eager to please; eager to make you like him. You would’ve felt guilty, really, if the dark hole of lonely self-hatred in your chest didn’t outweigh your selfishness.

And still, Aemond Targaryen was everywhere.

You’d find him in that adoring look your new partner gave you as you sucked him off in the shower. You’d find him in bed, when you couldn’t sleep and imagined it was Aemond’s heavy arms holding you tight. You’d find him in your fantasies, seemingly incapable of coming with your new partner unless you closed your eyes and pretended the short, curly strands greeting your hand between your legs were actually long, silky and silver.

Ultimately, your conscience caught up with you, and you broke things off with the new guy as well. He had told you that he loved you, and the sweetest of confessions felt like the sharpest of needles prickling your heart.

Aemond never said it.

Oh, how you wish it was him saying it.

Sometimes, even after six months of not seeing him, you’re still surprised by how incredibly piteous he’s rendered you.

Yearning for a man who only saw you as a plaything. Who only ever cared for you when you were conveniently there for him to do as he pleased with. Who refused to expose your relationship to his mother, and shared your nudes with his brother.

Fucking prick.

Today’s Friday.

Single and lonelier than ever, you beg your friends to go out dancing with you. It’s become your new weekend ritual; go out and dance until your feet hurt and you’re so tired you collapse on your bed, mind delightfully empty.

Now, you're back on the dancefloor, drink in hand, eyes closed as you sway to the music.

You always drag your friends to the same place, The Three Towers, a nightclub of the slightly more exclusive kind, with proper DJs and strong drinks.

They must’ve figured out by now that it was Aemond who introduced you to this place. You see it in the pitiful looks they give you every time you insist on coming here instead of going to any of the many other places in Oldtown. Their eyes say what you’ve known to be true for over six months;

Pathetic.

It’s not like Aemond likes to go out anyway. He hates crowds, dislikes strangers, loathes the fake people gathering around him to tell him empty words of adoration.

But that one time you’d wanted to go dancing, he’d brought you here.

Maybe he brings all his “acquaintances” here.

You tell yourself that you don’t come here for him, that it just happens to be a great place, but still, every time you catch a glimpse of something silvery in the corner of your eye, dread punches you in the gut.

Why do you seek him out when you know actually meeting him would destroy you? What if you saw him here with another girl? Maybe one of the models his brother so often gifts his infected cock to?

Tumultuous thoughts swirl in your mind until you notice that the flash of silver isn’t Aemond’s hair at all, and ease settles over you. Well, something akin to ease. The self-hatred is still there,

Pathetic.

Your feet quickly carry you to the bar, eager for more of the numbness only alcohol provides. You order another G&T and almost spit it out after the first sip; it’s basically all gin.

Good.

You take three large gulps and move back to the dancefloor, searching for your friends who you’ve lost in the crowd of intertwined bodies.

You scan your surroundings, and then it happens again. A flash of silver. Only this time, it’s him.

You remember the first time you saw him. TV appearances and watching him on the ice doesn’t do him justice. In person, his ethereal beauty’s blinding. Just like it is now. One of the spotlights over the sofa he sits on hits his hair, causing it to glow like the beacon of a dark night at sea.

Calling you in.

Your feet work by themselves as they walk towards him. You panic, desperately searching for any excuse to talk to him.

What do you say?

Suddenly you’re right before him, drink in one hand and the other nervously touching your hair as you dumbly stare at him. He looks up from the drink in his hand, a whiskey on the rocks you’d guess, and meets your eyes.

His gaze is cold and stoic.

Unimpressed.

He raises an expectant eyebrow.

And yet you say nothing. All the witty, insightful, hard-hitting truths you’d wanted to tell him for the last six months vanish as you stand before him frozen in panic.

Pathetic.

Pathetic!

You have nothing. Your mind’s empty, the only thing you can do is feel. Feel the self-hatred, the loneliness, the insecurity he’s inflicted upon you.

He rolls his eyes. Aemond’s not known for his patience, “If you’re looking for that new boyfriend of yours, he’s not here”

“I don’t have a boyfriend”, you blurt out, prompted by the shiver running through you caused by the venom dropping from his words. He sounds so hateful.

He stands abruptly, forcing you to take a faltering step back as he tower over you,

“Come”

He takes the drink in your hand and places it on a nearby table before grabbing your hand and leading you out of the rowdy club. The chill of the night air hits your scarcely clad body as he drags you towards a cab waiting outside, your ears still ringing from the loud music in the club.

He opens the door and pushes on your arm to get in. His touch is still impossibly warm; just as you remember it.

He slams the door shut and walks around to the other side, getting in and grunting an address you’ve never heard of to the taxi driver.

You know your friends would be furious if they knew who you left with, so you send them a quick text stating that you’ve left ‘cause you didn’t feel well.

You place your phone back in your purse and look outside. It seems like you’re driving towards the north part of the city, a place you hardly know.

The deafening silence in the taxi is so tense, any sane person would ask the driver to stop and get out in a heartbeat.

Aemond, sitting next to you with his jaw clenched and fidgeting with his customised black and red lighter, sends nervous ripples of fear through your being. You know he’s contemplating something, yet you wouldn’t dare ask.

Any sensible person would get out.

But you can’t.

Because he still smells the same. And it’s everywhere in the stuffy cab. And your heart hurts, a tear threatens to spill, because you’ve missed it all so much; his smell, his hair, his voice, his touch.

Him.

The silence persists, until you're finally freed as the taxi driver stops and Aemond hands him a few copper stars.

You get out and take a deep breath of the late summer night's air. The buzz of alcohol still clouds your judgement somewhat, yet you feel more aware of yourself than ever before.

You look around and see Aemond approach the entrance to a sleek building in that brutalist, modern design, and you follow in tow. He still hasn’t said anything, and neither have you.

You get in a lift, go up to the top floor, and enter a dark flat with only a small table lamp lit by the entrance, obscuring your view of the place.

Just as you make way to move further into the room, Aemond hinders you.

He doesn’t allow you entrance to the rest of the space, cornering you against a low side table by the entrance door. He’s so tall, and so broad, you disappear into the wall as he steals all the space around you.

“Why did you agree to come with me?”

He’s so close you feel his breath tickle your skin. It’s too dark to truly see the expression on his face, but the shadows cast on him makes him look stern. The smell of him intensifies. You feel warm.

This is all you’ve wanted. All you’ve feared.

You still desire him so.

“You told me to”

He’s quiet for a moment, and you know it’s because your reply’s caught him off guard. He’d assumed you’d fight back, jab at him in some way. He tries again,

“My mate saw you at that club last week, you know”

Is he keeping tabs on you?

“What happened to your boyfriend?”

How does he know about that?

You swallow, “Nothing. It just wasn’t right”

“Hm”

Your eyes are locked together, his mismatched gaze just as alluring as you remember it. Without looking away, he brings a hand up to gently stoke the cold skin of your arm.

The harshness of his stare falters,

“Did you miss me?”

The retort leaves your lips before you register it forming in your head. Can’t give in to him that easily. Can’t make your suffering known to the person causing it.

The harshness reappears.

“Did he fuck you the way you like?”

His tone is cold, yet heated with anger. The same hateful tinge from before.

Your drunk mind works without you operating it,

“He wasn’t you”

The confession slips out, and so does the pitifulness. The loneliness. The pathetic mess you’ve become.

Aemond didn’t expect your admission either, eyes narrowing in suspicion,

“What do you mean?”

Is this the time?

To tell him how utterly devastated you’ve been without him? How he plagues your mind? How your entire being is tainted by him?

No.

“Why did you bring me here?”, you ask, foggy mind finally cooperative enough to let you change the subject.

“Because you wanted me to”, he replies, the gentle hand on your arm suddenly travelling down to caress your exposed thigh before harshly cupping your cunt.

A startled gasp espaces your lips.

His touch is so nostalgic it travels from your aroused core to your heart, and squeezes it painfully.

His hand is big enough to cover you entirely, and with the heel of his palm, he pushes harshly where he knows your swollen clit lies obscured under your panties. His long finger taps against your hole, and he huffs a quiet, condescending laugh as he feels how moist the fabric is.

When did you get this wet?

You feel the heat of his touch radiate from his palm to your cunt, so persistent it finds its way through your underwear. He only moves his hand to stroke you over the fabric and press at your clit, but the gratification of finally being granted his touch works you towards release at a speed you’d thought impossible.

“Still a little slut for me”

He brings two fingers up to press right over your clit, rough circles demanding that you obey his touch and come for him.

His breathing hard through his nose, the look in his eye is hard to decipher,

Arousal?

Fury?

Fuck it feels good to be pushed against a wall by him. To be subjected to his rough treatment. Anything to feel his touch on you again.

Your hips move upwards to meet his fingers; you’re so close to falling apart.

“You missed me. And that fucker you were seeing couldn’t compare to me. Isn’t that right?”

He spits out the words, teeth grazing the shell of your ear as he leans even closer.

Your arms have been hanging limply at your side, and you have to fight the sudden urge to grab him and press him against you. To feel him closer.

“Did he make you this wet?”

Aemond’s tongue licks the sensitive spot behind your ear and you moan loudly, fully consumed by the way his fingers push you towards release.

You angle your face so that his mouth is right by yours. With parted lips, you look up at him pleadingly, begging him to kiss you.

Something in his eye shifts, and a victorious smirk breaks out over his face,

“Come”

And you do. So hard you see stars and your legs give out. The pleasure is intense, it steals everything from you; your breath, your senses, your self-discipline.

Your hands fly to Aemond’s biceps, anchoring yourself to him as your body twitches forcefully in the pleasure rupturing you. It’s cathartic; a long awaited release only his hands can coax out.

When you come back to reality, to the dark hallway you're trapped against Aemond’s body in, the dreaded self-hatred you’d gotten to know so well makes itself known again.

The brutal reality of exactly how far your pathetic infatuation with Aemond has driven you crashes over you like an ice-cold wave of regret. You feel hot tears well up in the corner of your eyes as they stay casted down, refusing to look up at the man who’s greatest pleasure in life seems to be to torment you.

Why had he brought you here? Why did he enjoy hurting you? Why had you fallen for it?

“What did I do to make you hate me so?”

It’s the alcohol talking. Or maybe it’s the last thing you need to hear from him before you can finally let go. The last shard of your heart crushed in his grip.

Silence is the only answer he gives you, and without looking up, you push him to move so you can get away from him. Instead of allowing you to leave, he brings one hand to your cheek, engulfing it in warmth, and drags your face upwards to meet his eyes.

Before you can read his expression, he ducks his head down, letting his lips graze over yours. His tongue comes out to swipe over your lower lip in a slow, gentle caress that feels more sensual than anything you’ve ever experienced, and in retaliation your greedy arms pull him closer, eagerly kissing him back. There’s a slow urgency to the way his tongue seeks out yours, bending your body backwards to taste you deeper. You relish in it.

You want him to eat you up. To devour you completely. You’re his anyway.

Without breaking the kiss, Aemond leads you down the dark hallway and into a dimly lit room. The only thing you register is a large bed in the middle, where he takes a seat and keeps you standing between his legs, still kissing you.

His hands roam over your body; over your exposed arms and legs. They find the zipper at the back of your dress and pull it down, slowly undressing you until you're completely bare.

He stands for a brief moment to rid himself of his own clothes, and then sits again, guiding you to climb onto his lap.

You follow his every command in enchantment. You grant him every kiss he seeks, allow him every touch he craves. He can have it all.

He guides you to sink down on him slowly. You’re still so wet, yet he’s so hard your insides are forced to mould after his stiffness.

Once he fills each part of you, he wraps your legs around his waist, sighing in satisfaction as he presses your body so close to his the skin of your torso sticks to his.

“I won’t last long-”, he whispers into your ear, “-a 6 month wait is excruciating”

The touch that you’ve known as harsh and demanding is now so soft. So delicate it slowly picks up the shattered pieces of your broken heart and mends them together again with each gentle caress.

Your hands cup his cheeks, gazing into his lilac and blue stare as you slowly begin to move.

Aemond doesn’t say anything, doesn’t say that one phrase that you want him to, but the look in his eyes is mesmerising. You’ve never seen him so vulnerable. It’s intimate.

He’s giving himself to you.

You wrap your arms around him, accepting him. You want all of him, all to yourself. You’ve wanted him for half a year. You’ve wanted him since the first time you met him.

He meets your hips each time you sink down, and the otherwise carnal pursuit for pleasure feels dreamlike as Aemond’s arms envelop you and you disappear into him.

You want to say it, but not yet. You don’t dare. Would he retreat again? You know it to be true, but it’s too early. Maybe someday.

Instead, it’s Aemond who speaks over the moans and sighs of pleasure,

“Don’t leave me again”

You don’t know how long you fuck, but each orgasm feels more consuming, more powerful, than the last. Ultimately, you collapse together on the bed, legs and arms still intertwined. The familiarity of Aemond’s heavy arms over your waist soothes you, yet the soft sheets of the bed provide a stark contrast to the stiff, clinical sheets of the hotel rooms he’d always brought you to before.

There’s nothing left between you, no more layers to shed, so you ask him about everything that had led up to your separation. About how he dismissed you in front of his mother, and about the text from his brother. The latter seems to genuinely surprise him,

“I’ve never shared your pictures with anyone, especially not him”

Guess Aegon Targaryen isn’t above snooping through his brother’s stuff.

You talk all night, and Aemond tells you about his strained relationship with his family, “My family has an ability to ruin things for me”, he confesses, “I didn’t want that to happen with you”

As the rays of sunrise begin to seep through the window, you admit to the loneliness that’s been eating away at you since parting from Aemond.

He cups your cheek again, thumb stroking your cheekbone,

“I fucked up. I’ve missed you more than I thought possible”

Your loneliness hadn’t been solitary. He’d felt it too. You’d shared it.

You lay your head on his chest, listening to the slow drum of his heart. Before it lulls you to sleep, you remember the last thing you’d like to ask him,

“Aemond, where are we?”

“My place”

A/N: I never know if I should write it as come or cum? After some studious research (not), I decided that come is the original and therefore works better! Thank you for reading, I write these drabble for fun to improve my writing, so don't be too harsh please 🫶🩵

#aemond targaryen x you #aemond targaryen fanfiction #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen smut #aemond x reader #aemond fanfiction #aemond fic #modern aemond #modern!aemond #my fics

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cvntydazai · 8 months ago

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bad arguments

how these bsd characters are after a bad argument

pairing; dazai osamu x fem!reader, chuuya nakahara x fem!reader, ryunosuke akutagawa x fem! reader

word count; 916

content warning; unedited, angst, fluff, arguing, miscommunication

a/n; just something random i wrote while taking a break from my dazai fic!

DAZAI OSAMU:

arguing with dazai was exhausting, this man would rather die a painful death than admit he was in the wrong about anything, it was usually why your fights got more out of hand than they ever needed to be. you hated how he tried to deflect from a situation instead of just owning up to his mistakes.

one particularly heated argument had you so riled up you had to leave your apartment, no longer wanting to look your lover in the eye until he was ready to apologize. he didn’t even spare you a glance as you left, a smug expression on his face.

you make your return to your apartment many hours later, it was now nighttime and much too late to be out, especially alone. the first thing your eye catches when you walk through the door is dazai’s fluffy head of hair resting on the couch. you huff, putting your coat up before walking over to the couch.

“are you ready to apol-“ you stop mid-sentence when you realize dazai’s asleep.

he looked uncomfortable, heavy eyebags and his head resting at an awkward angle on the arm rest. you couldn’t help it, a soft coo leaves your lips and it wakes him instantly. those honey eyes were everything but smug this time around.

“my flower, you’re back.” he mumbles, large hands reaching up to caress your face.

“i am..” you say, he smiles.

you continue to stare into his gaze for just a little longer, the silence draping over the two of you like a warm blanket. he knows that what you’re truly waiting for is his apology, he was more than happy to give it to you.

“i’m sorry, for everything. forgive me?” he says at last in his usual supple tone.

of course you forgave him, you always would.

CHUUYA NAKAHARA:

fights with chuuya usually didn’t last long, you two actually pride yourself on your communication when it comes to your relationship. he would never try to hurt you intentionally, you’re the most important person to him and he makes sure you never forget it.

but this one fight had you both out of control. you don’t remember who started it but no one was willing to end it, anything that came out of either of your mouths was only more fuel for the fire. if you were being honest with yourself, it terrified you. it wasn’t chuuya and his capabilities that had you so scared, you knew he would never bring any harm your way, it was the reality that this fight could be the ending to your relationship.

you didn’t want it to end like this, it couldn’t end like this. he was all you had and you would never forgive yourself if this was how it ends. so caught up in your own frightened mind, you didn’t even notice that chuuya quieted down and was staring into your eyes.

“ey, why are you crying?” he didn’t mean for the question to come out as harsh as it did, he was just so taken aback.

when you didn’t reply he really started to worry, his mind no longer focused on whatever you two were bickering about.

“come on doll, please don’t cry. i’m sorry.” his voice only made more salty tears spill from your eyes, in your opinion you didn’t deserve such tenderness.

he wrapped his arms around your frame, his hand on the back of your head and his face buried in your hair. he let you sob your heart out, even if it made his own heart ache. when you finally calmed down you were ready to speak.

“am i still the most important person in the world to you?” he smiled.

“of course you are.”

RYONUSUKE AKUTAGAWA:

you knew your boyfriend wasn’t good at communicating, a part of you had accepted that wholeheartedly. he made his efforts because of how deeply he cared for you and you felt that was enough most of the time. your arguments were mostly about his carelessness when it came to his own personal safety, his nonchalant attitude to your concerns irritated you down to your core.

“if you’re going to act stupid and put yourself in avoidable danger then i’m leaving, i can’t take this.” you misspoke, his eyes widened.

what you truly meant was that you were leaving for a moment to calm down, not leaving him entirely. you could only stare in shock at what nonsense you just spewed from your mouth, guilt weighed down your body, preventing you from taking even one step towards him. it took seeing the fear in his eyes to finally break you free from your mind.

“i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean it like that i swear.” you tried to mend, now wanting nothing more than to put this whole argument behind you.

he let you pull him into a hug, you held his waist tightly to you. when you felt his hand holding the back of your head you breathed a sigh of relief.

“i know you didn’t mean it that way, but it scared me.” you nodded, understanding.

you mumbled a few more apologies and once you both had calmed down you were able to talk about some of your frustrations. it was mostly you talking and him listening, but it felt good knowing he was listening with such care. he promised to be more careful for you, and you promised to watch your wording when you’re upset.

#bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #dazai osamu #dazai osamu x reader #dazai x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader smut #chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara #akutagawa ryunosuke #akutagawa x reader #ryunosuke akutagawa x reader #bsd x reader angst #bsd angst #bungo stray dogs angst #bungo stray dogs fluff

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allhopesforlove · 1 month ago

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Farewell, my love part 3

Summary: In the midst of a battle, y/n realizes that their only way to victory would be through her sacrifice. Determined with her decision to lead an army of soldiers to the frontlines, there was nothing that could hold her back. Because she was sure that if she continued living on she wouldn’t survive any more of what was blooming between Elain and Azriel.

Pairing: Azriel x Reader, Azriel x Elain

Word count: 6.6K

Warning: Angst, war, misogyny, pain and just more pain?

A/n: This one was crazy tbh it took everything of my rookie writing to create a 6k words piece 😭 storytelling is really complex and you have to learn to not forget bits of information and try to string up everything together. But well, I hope you guys enjoy this part <3

And btwwwe the speech part was HEAVILY inspired by our one and only goat Hajime Isayama (those who know, know) so all credits to his beautiful and sexy brain.

Song recommendation: The Hanging Tree by Jennifer Lawrence, Running up that Hill-epic version by Samuel Kim

part 1 part 2

———————

With every step she took, she felt a piercing sensation in her chest. Although surrounded by the smell of death and fear, the only thing plaguing her mind was Azriel’s sorrowful expression. It took every bit of strength in her to leave him and winnow away, after he nearly begged on his knees so that she wouldn’t leave him.

Now if she had listened to her heart she would’ve probably stayed and flung her arms around him. She would’ve swatted off Rhysand and Cassian off of him so that he could embrace her as well.

As much as that sounded like a perfect resolution, she was thankful that her rationality took over her.

She had to look reality in the eyes. The bond had just snapped for them, emotions were running high and to be frank, it were their instincts and carnal desires taking hold of their actions.

Well for her, she also has been in love with him way before their lives were strung up together by fate. But that didn’t matter anymore.

She was thankful that Azriel spoke the truth about his feelings for Elain, truly, because it snapped her out of the dream she was creating in her mind. About actually having a happy ending with him. How foolish.

And after she saw the way Elain had looked at her she came to a painful realization that she herself was the one bringing ultimate chaos and confusion to their lives.

Because Azriel and Elain were happy, genuinely, they were happy before her, andshe was certain that they would still find a way to become happy after her. So who was she to disrupt this beautiful future they had pictured for themselves.

She heaved out a sigh that has been bottling up inside of her. What a crazy turn of events.

One moment she found out her mate was the one she has loved for so long, and now she was walking with a heavy heart towards her death. Right.

She had to focus on the matter at hand.

And as she neared the military base and saw the first men and women walking around their tents, anxiety began to creep up on her. With every clatter of her armor she felt their gazes on her. Are they aware of what’s about to happen to them? Were they able to sense her anxiety?

With heavy steps she dared look them in the eyes. Sorrow. Pain. Suffering. She was met with hard gazes.

Some, she saw, were wearing bandages around them, some were missing limbs.

An eerie silence was following every step she took. The reek of ruin lingering in her nostrils. It felt as though she was trapped to stand in the center of a sinister play, orchestrated by Death himself.

She was slightly shaking and as she realized this she clenched her fist to get ahold of herself. This wasn’t the time nor the place to get second thoughts about her decision. So whatever it was that distracted her, she pushed it down and gave her best to also close down her side of the bond.

Because Azriel’s emotions were overwhelming her and she couldn’t allow herself to still linger on him. This was it. This is where it ends for them. For her.

Two males and a female were approaching her. She recognized them as the base commanders. She felt chills running down her body as she saw that one of them was missing an eye, the wound still looking fresh. Even if she was a warrior and fought in wars before, she would never get used to its aftereffects. Never get used to the suffering.

She stood still and waited for the commanders to arrive at her side. By the looks of it, they were probably informed by Rhys, because… because it appeared that tension had drained from their features, leaving behind only the hollow calm of someone who knew their fate. They carried a sort of confidence and strength parents would tell their children about when reading them tales about ancient heroes. It soothed her. Despite the circumstances she found strength in that.

She adjusted her posture and relaxed her face.

She was going to do this.

“We were informed of your arrival just a moment ago, general.” Right. She was the general. Second to Cassian.

“It’s good to see you again y/n.”

And she remembered Farlan, the male standing besides the other one with the lost eye. They had fought side by side and she had saved Farlan from an attack he didn’t see while he was in the midst of a fight back then.

“It’s good to see you, too Farlan. Although I wished we had met again in other circumstances.” She rasped out with a sigh. He mustered up a crooked smile at that.

She then looked at the other two.

“Were the troops informed of the next attack?”

But what she really had meant to ask was, if they knew that they’d be riding to their deaths and not live long enough to get a taste of freedom again. But they understood her.

“We didn’t have much time, as we just got informed as well. But I think that some can guess what your arrival means.” the female answered her.

And she realized that she didn’t know her name.

“Please forgive me for my ignorance. I didn’t ask your names…?”

“Iris. I am Iris and this-“

“My name is Adonis.” A gruff voice interrupted. By the looks of it Adonis looked way older than the other two. Older than herself. Ancient almost. And his scarred eye added to his aged skin as he looked like someone who has seen lots of their world’s cruelty. With a hardened look he asked

“I am guessing that you will lead us?“

A sly grin appeared on her face at the obvious statement.

“Why else would I be standing here.”

She said looking him straight into his eyes not yielding to his stare. She didn’t move a muscle.

He narrowed his eyes at her then

“Tsk. They should’ve sent the general.”

“I beg your pardon?” The audacity of this male. But before she could say anything more, he spit viciously

“You think they’ll take a little girl like you seriously when you tell ‘em to openly run into the arms of the enemy.”

And she saw red.

“If you are pussy enough, you are very free to go. That’s what I’ll tell them as well.”

She said with cold indifference and continued

“I dont have time to play little games Adnis-“

“Adonis.”

“Right, Adonis, whatever. Matter of fact, I actually don’t care, but here is what I am going to tell you-“

and she was pissed now, because she looked at him with such a void that it was chilling, and she saw how Farlan looked down out of reflex. Iris looked like she was in awe. Guess it was long due that someone put Adris or Adnis, or whatever, in his place.

With slow but self-composed steps she was now standing right before him, as she felt his ugly breath hit her face. She scrunched up her nose at that.

“- whatever opinions you have of me. I dont give a fuck. But let’s make one thing clear commander-“ and she pointed a finger on his armored chest.

“Your hate, your prejudices or your anger. They won’t do you any good anymore, because you and I? We share the same fate-“

and she also looked at the other two

“We all will fight with all our might and we will die on that battlefield, I can assure you that. No sweet talks, no lies. Just the cruel reality of what is to come. And while you are one step closer to death, you will see that your greed will not help you get out of death’s grip. So either get ahold of yourself or fuck off.” and he was flabbergasted.

“And one more thing-“

Her brows knitted together into an arrogant frown

“-I am your general, not the other way round, so don’t you forget that even in your last moments in life, it was a woman that stood above you.”

And she was satisfied with that ugly face he was making.

“Now close your gaping mouth before I have to smell any more of that disgusting breath.”

His face was flushed with anger and his mouth shut, as it was the last thing she saw before turning to the other two.

“I want you to gather up everyone. We don’t have much time, so I want everyone prepared in 10 minutes.”

“Of course, general.” she heard Farlan say and rush to get everyone ready.

She didn’t wait a minute longer and took off to get a moment to herself. But before she got too far, she heard footsteps rushing to her. So she slowed down and was met with Iris’ form.

“Is there a problem?”

She asked as Iris seemed like she was out of breath. But what the former had to say surprised her

“You…- I…” she pointed one finger up while leaning on her knees and heaving out some breaths, so y/n stayed still and waited patiently for her to continue.

When it seemed like Iris was gaining composure again, she looked at her with such admiration it made y/n curious of what she had to say.

“I wanted to thank you general. The way you talked to Adonis, the way you put him in his place? That was something I have always dreamed of doing, so from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for allowing me to see that look on his face.” She breathed out and stood straight as a warrior. Y/n put her hand on her arm then and said

“You don’t have to thank me for that Iris. He was getting way over himself and it seems that this isn’t something that only happened in regards to me. I am happy that my choice of words satisfied you.”

And she winked at her, while Iris let out a little laugh.

“By the way, you can call me y/n. Titles don’t matter now anyway.”

Iris gave her a smile and brought her left hand towards where y/n’s hand was lying on her arm. And there, she saw a shiny object around her ringfinger and asked before she really could think about it

“You got family?”

And Iris looked towards where y/n was glancing. Maybe y/n shouldn’t have asked, because a sad smile was forming on Iris’ face and she saw tears welling in her eyes.

“I lost my mate in battle two days ago.” and y/n had to close her eyes at that. She felt her heart clench and hurt for this female in front of her. They say losing a mate is the worst kind of pain someone could feel. However, she was painfully reminded of a certain Shadowsinger.

“I am sorry for your loss Iris.” She whispered and Iris only gave her a sharp nod. She let go of her arm and just as she was about to leave Iris asked back.

“Do you .. have family?” And y/n couldn’t hide her gasp, she really wished that she wouldn’t have asked her as well, because everything was still so fresh.

She contemplated telling her about Azriel, and decided she would just do it. She had nothing to lose anymore.

“I.. I have a mate. But our situation is a bit complicated, because.. well he, he is with someone else-“ she heard a gasp and saw how Iris’ eyes widened. Before she could theorize in her head, y/n clarified

“It’s not that we were together before, no. He- he didn’t cheat or something like that. He was already together with the other woman and well.. let’s say the bond just snapped today for us.”

She didn’t know why but shame filled her at that revelation and she looked down on her boots. She didn’t want to delve into too much detail, because she already was feeling that numbing pain creep up on her again.

“That’s brutal. I am so sorry y/n, I wish there would’ve been more time for you.” Iris said with empathy.

And y/n was thankful in that moment to have someone who was compassionate with her, which is what compelled her to bare parts of her soul to her

“Yeah, me too Iris.”

And Iris looked at her with pity as she reached her fingers to her face to wipe the tear off that rolled down her face. She didn’t notice that she has started crying.

“I- well, I just wish that everything turned out differently-” and she was forcing herself to hold back that sob that was creeping up her throat.

She was thankful that Iris embraced her then, because she was sure that she would’ve broken down right then and there.

“Thank you for telling me.” Iris whispered in her hair and squeezed her. Y/n just squeezed back as an answer and relished in the comfort of Iris’ arms for a second.

—————————

Azriel couldn’t believe it. He just couldn’t understand why this was happening to him, one moment she was in front of him and now she was gone.

He shook of the hands holding him back, as they loosened their grip on him after y/n winnowed away.

“What the hell were you thinking.”

He spat viciously at Rhysand and Cassian, who still looked at him like they’ve seen a ghost. Because this was so unlike Azriel, unlike the shadowsinger hiding and observing in his silent corner. It was Rhysand who spoke up first

“What the hell has gotten into you Azriel? I understand that you don’t want her to risk her life for us, god, I wish that I have gone instead of her. But I never realized that you.. well that you guys were so close-“

and he dared to shift his gaze towards Elain

“- after you had nearly begged me to be with Elain.“

and Azriel winced and closed his eyes for a moment. Right. They didn’t know. And Elain…how was he supposed to do this now. Sweet Elain, who must be so confused why her lover acted this way for another female.

When he opened his eyes again, he looked up to seek out her gaze, and when he found her doe brown eyes already looking at him, he visibly shook. But one way or another, the truth had to be told and he’d rather want everyone to know at once rather than having to be questioned by every single one of them.

“Y/n is my mate.” and as he heard multiple gasps at once he couldn’t recognize which belonged to whom. But what broke his heart was the look Elain was giving him. Hurt. Betrayal. He didn’t want to do this to her, he didn’t want to be the cause of her pain.

“Brother… I-“ Cassian couldn’t find the right words, and he didn’t blame him because neither could he. This was a fucked up situation.

“And despite that, she … she still decided to go?” Mor asked no one in particular as a frown was appearing on her face.

“Well I … I didn’t really gave her a reason to stay.” he whispered back.

And now she got a bit irritated as she narrowed her eyes at him.

“What do you mean by that?”

But he didn’t need more words to say as realization hit her at once and she suddenly snapped her head towards Elain. She looked at her with such scrutiny, but before she got to say anything to her, Azriel went over Elain to stay protectively in front of her.

“Don’t even think of saying what you are thinking Morrigan.”

And he was serious.

He was not letting her or really any of them make Elain the villain of the story. That is not what she deserved.

“I can’t believe you Azriel. You are standing up for someone you’ve known for what? A couple years?”

She was exasperated as if this was an insult to her dignity.

“While your fucking mate is out there giving up her life?” She cried out.

His heart clenched and he felt like he couldn’t breathe at that thought. But he had to push it down, ignore it as he tried not to think of y/n when he said his next words.

“If you haven’t noticed already Mor, I actually care for Elain-“ and he seeked out Elain’s hand from behind him “-and I am not letting any of you put this blame on her. This is all on me and I-“ he looked around everyone “-I need some time with Elain first. I know all of you feel obligated to have a say in this, but truly, out of everyone, this effects mine and Elain’s life the most. So if you’ll excuse us.”

He didn’t wait for any responses as he took Elain, who still didn’t say a word about all of this, to a tent nearby. He had to get them some privacy for what he was going to do next.

When he pushed open the tent he was met by the sight of some healing supplies and some stretchers. Damnit did he choose a healing tent? He had to be fast so that no one interrupted them.

When he turned towards Elain, she still hasn’t uttered a word. So with his finger, he gently lifted up her chin to look directly into her eyes.

And seeing the hurt glimmering in them broke him, but he knew that he had to do this. In his mind and heart he had already decided, but when seeing how tears were silently streaming down her face it made it way difficult for him to voice out his thoughts.

“Elain…”

She clenched her eyes shut and let out a small cry. He quickly pulled her to his chest.

“I am so sorry my dear. I- I had no control over anything. You have to understand that.”

He whispered in her hair while she clung to him.

The next part, however, was going to be hard for him.

“Elain, look at me please.”

As he pulled away from her he saw her tear stricken face.

“I- I have made a decision for myself.” And Elain looked up at him with wonder, shining eyes glistening from all the tears, lips wobbling from holding back her sob.

“I didn’t expect the bond to snap, ever for me. All my life I had waited for my mate to come, all my life I had wished for my other half to complete me, I had yearned for it that it got to a point where I got obsessed with it.”

He noticed her listening to him attentively while tears were streaming down towards her lips. He wiped them off with his thumb.

“But all that wait could only bring me to a certain point in life. So when I saw how my brothers found their mates back to back, I saw how easy it was for them, to find their mates. A-and it got me thinking that if I was actually destined to have one it should’ve already snapped for me too-“ he whispered the last part and shifted on his feet.

“-so I gave up on it. Gave up on my wishful dream of having a mate. I realized that I did not deserve to have one, because why would others get their mates so easily while I was desperately yearning for one.. you have to understand Elain.. over 400 years I waited for her to arrive,

now imagine what that does with one.”

Elain looked at the ground and sniffed, but still, she stayed silent. So Azriel continued.

“But then you came, and I thought that maybe… maybe I could allow myself to try this with you. And I really did Elain, I fell for you, for your charms and witty words that only I got to see.” He wanted to cup her face, but quickly decided against it.

“I imagined what a future for both of us could look like and I was content with it. But you have to know that.. that there was still quite a hollowness in me.”

He closed his eyes and whispered

“I really tried to ignore it, because I really liked you and I wanted to allow myself a shot at happiness… I was and am happy with you Elain.”

“And I knew that with Lucien being your mate, the bond could never snap between us. So I had to make a decision for myself. If I was okay with accepting a future without a mate. Without the one person I have wanted so desperately for all my life.”

He looked at Elain with despair, he waited for her to say something, to speak out what he was afraid of. But she still refused to speak.

“So when the bond between me and her snapped I- I felt like everything that I had build was crushed again. It was like a slap to my face, a way of the Mother saying that I should’ve never given up, because when I was finally okay with the idea of not having a mate, the Mother offered her to me. Right before she was giving up on her life. As if it was a punishment for my impatience.” and his voice was shaking at that last part.

“I want you to know that I don’t regret ever meeting you, our time together is something I cherish. But I have to stay truthful and be honest with you. And myself.”

And Elain started to cry again as Azriel also felt tears forming in his eyes.

“I know that I cannot continue living when I know that my mate is out there fighting for her life. How could I? When…-“

and he closed his eyes for this next part

“-when she is all I ever wanted in my life.”

He whispered as he heard her gasp. He knew that this admission would hurt her, but he had no other choice.

“So I have to go after her. I decided that for myself. I-.. I need to… because with every minute that she is away, with every minute that she is preparing for her death, a part of my soul is burning along with it.”

And he allowed himself to feel her side of the bond but quickly realized that she had closed it off. It ripped his heart out that it got to this point.

When Elain’s crying still continued, he was begging her at this point to respond to him.

“Please … say something.” He whispered and looked at her with hopeful eyes, he needed her to say something or else his heart would explode from anxiously waiting.

“Please … at least just-“ but he was interrupted by Elain’s timid voice.

“Azriel… I- I need to tell you something.”

And she looked him directly into his eyes.

He held her gaze and waited for her to continue.

But, suddenly the air in the room shifted and he became very much aware of how Elain’s form was shaking.

“I have been keeping something from you, but- but it is eating me alive and I … I just can’t bare its weight anymore.”

Her voice cracked at the last part.

And Azriel suddenly felt a cold shiver run over him, making the hair over his arms stand up.

What could she possibly want to say to him? After he bared his soul to her, after he told her that he would go after his mate.

Could it be… no?

Could she be- but he wasnt able to finish his thought as she continued.

“I am.. I am sorry Azriel. I-… when I told Rhysand that I saw how this was going to play out, I was only telling half the truth.. I you have to understand that I- I only wanted what’s best for you.”

“I am not following ‘lain what-“

“I saw your future Azriel.”

“Way before this. I-“

she broke off her sentence with another sob

“I saw you happy with her, I saw you with your children. You had a family with her Azriel.”

And the world stood still for him. Suddenly he became aware of his loud thumping heart and his cold fingertips. He heard no sound other than Elain’s heavy breaths and his rising heart rate.

He felt like she had just pushed a knife through his heart and with every word she was saying, the knife went deeper into his heart. What.

“So I-… I.. when I saw the vision of y/n leading the troops.. she actually wasn’t alone. You had decided to go with her.” He felt sick.

“And with that knowledge.. I was selfish, because I didn’t want to lose what we have, I didn’t want to lose you Azriel. I knew that if you had chosen to go with her then… then everything else would have also played out the way I saw it.” And she looked down on her boots, shame filling her.

“So I had to interfere… I had to stop you from going with her, because I saw you were actually about to. And it scared me, and-“

“So you mean to tell me that your interference may have also changed the other part you saw of my future?” he looked dead in her eyes. And she let out a sob and covered her mouth with her hand.

“So the children you saw-“

he felt like he was going to puke

“-oh god Elain-“

and the tears fell out of his eyes

“-you prevented them from ever existing…?” He gave her a horrified look, eyes wide, eyebrows furrowed into a horror stricken frown. It left her gaping at him

“I, I am not so sure about that part, I really don’t know Azriel, I.. am so sorry, I realize that I may have overstepped.. I…-“ but before she could finish Azriel held up a hand to silence her.

“So you willingly risked y/n’s life, knowing that.. knowing that she was my mate and that we’d have children in the future-“

“Az-“

“I am not done Elain!” He said in a sharp tone.

He- he couldn’t believe what he was hearing… couldn’t believe that Elain manipulated his fate. Couldn’t believe that the woman he loved would go this far just to be with him. It made him sick.

“In your vision you saw me fighting alongside her and surviving. So.. now that she went alone.. that also means...”

Elain’s silence was enough answer for him.

He- he was about to go insane. This was too much for him. Children. They had children. And the tears were now falling easily from his eyes as he gripped his hair with his hands.

“How could you… how could you keep this from me.” He tried to say between the cries he let out.

“I am sorry Azriel … I cannot tell you how sorry I am.” And she was crying along with him.

But Azriel ignored her as he tried to control his cries, his breath before he triggered another panic attack… no, he couldn’t afford that now, not now. He had to go after his mate, he- he couldn’t be too late right?

With that thought in mind he pulled himself together and gave Elain one last look. He wanted to say so many things, wanted to scream at her but he reminded himself that his mate may be standing on that battlefield all alone and scared as he was wasting his time with someone who had done nothing but lied to him.

Wordlessly, without sparing her a second glance, he tore out of the tent.

After all, it seemed to Elain, even with her interference, even if he loved her, Azriel still had chosen his mate. It had not mattered that she had played with fate, because in the end it still was y/n that he wanted.

And that thought alone made Elain break down again, alone and cold, in the stillness of the tent.

As Azriel rushed out the tent he felt a soothing sensation on his hands, slowly creeping up his arms and neck. His shadows.. after he got with Elain, they were barely there, only came when he needed them, but now… now they were back. And he felt a sudden burst of strength with that.

He was going to get his mate, whatever the cost.

—————————

As y/n was having a moment to herself, before everything escalated she closed her eyes. She tried to sense everything around her to calm herself. She heard the distant voices of men and women preparing for battle. The wind causing to rustle the leaves on the couple of trees around them.

She looked up with her face and opened her eyes to see the cobalt blue sky over her.

Such beautiful hues of blue, she thought. How she wished she could’ve seen the ocean right now. Heard its crashing waves on the coast. Smelled its salty but fresh scent. How she wished she could sit on the sand and just watch the waves in the distance.

And even if she didn’t want to, she thought of Azriel. Oh, beautiful Azriel. When she closed her eyes again she could just imagine him right before her, looking at her with that smile, slightly crooked and just so Azriel. She imagined his dimple popping up when he smiled, accompanied with his oh so soft gaze that it got her swooning just by imagining. She remembered his gentleness whenever he talked with her and suddenly also remembered his pain filled gaze when he saw her crying because of him.

She remembered him kissing Elain’s hands and, despite the bond snapping, still choosing her. And she thought to herself. She really didn’t held any resentment towards any of them. Not Azriel and not Elain.

Because if y/n had only tried harder before, tried to be straightforward with Azriel way before, everything might’ve turned out differently. But maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, maybe she was only meant to live and die with an unrequited love.

And she didn’t want to think in that way, but the bond snapping for them? It really didn’t make any sense, because what was the point other than breaking her even more and complicating things for Azriel as well.

It must be hard for him too, because even if he loved Elain, his soul was still connected to hers.

And now she just felt guilty, but before she could dwell on it any more, she opened her eyes again and saw in the distance, black dots of what looked like to be Hybern’s army. It was time.

Y/n pulled herself together, sucked in a deep breath and walked towards the building mass of soldiers standing and waiting for her in several rows. Those were a lot of people.. but she knew that in comparison to the enemy they were definitely the minority.

She was going to lead them, they’d stand under her responsibility. So she’d be damned if she didn’t give her best and showed them her determination .

As she walked towards them she felt a chill run down her back, as an unsettling silence settled and every single one of them stared at her with an unwavering gaze.

She stopped where Adonis stood in front of the troops. He threw her a quick glance and muttered in a deep voice

“You better make this right girl.” and turned around to also stay in the same row as the soldiers.

Then, only then, y/n allowed herself to glance over everyone who stood in front of her.

Warriors of all age and sex, color and race, were aligned in multiple rows that stretched out from the far left where Farlan stood until the far right where she saw Iris looking at her. An eerie silence was all that was left, everyone anticipating what she had to say.

She rested her face and made an unwavering expression, as if she wanted to tell them and reassure them of her dependability, her confidence. And then with a loud, powerful but steady voice

“Warriors of Prythian!”

“I am about to announce our final attack against the enemies of our homeland!” And she clenched her jaw.

“We will charge right forward, where-“

and she pointed her finger to her back, right at the spot where Hybern’s army was marching towards them

“-you see the enemy. We will move forward as one unit and hope to be encased by them so that-“

and she heard some gasps at that

“-so that our other troops on the Southern, Western and Northern side, with the High Lords, can charge at them from behind in a surprise attack-“

and slowly but surely she saw realization hit the most of them, as their gazes shifted to uncertainty, fear and shock.

Some of them looked at their base commanders to search their eyes for confirmation, but they didn’t move an inch and continued to emanate the same conviction.

“-and therefore surround them from all sides.”

No one uttered a word and a heavy and oppressive silence settled around them. But then, someone from the rows came forward and dared to ask what everyone else thought

“So you are telling us… to ultimately ride to our own deaths? Am I understanding this right?”

And y/n blinked at the man, not much older than Feyre, and said with a firm tone

“You are absolutely correct.”

And there someone to her right side fell to their knees and emptied their stomach on the stomped grass in front of them.

The male looked at her with absolute horror then, and she wandered her gaze to the others. They didn’t seem to be reacting any differently. Y/n felt the sweat rolling down her spine but she didn’t make any of her nerves visible on her face, as she continued to maintain a certain cold indifference.

“And since we are dying anyway, you are saying… that it is better dying while fighting till our last breaths…?”

And y/n turned to him again and with an unwavering gaze

“Yes I am.”

And with a trembling voice and a small forming smile, while tears were burning his eyes he continued

“..but if we are going to die anyway, it wouldn’t matter what we do, right? … we … we could also just disobey your orders and it wouldn’t mean a thing would it..” and he looked at her with shiny almost hopeful eyes.

“You are absolutely right.”

And his face fell at that as his mouth began shaking.

“Every belief you held dear, every dream, every hope, every fleeting moment of joy…”

“…it all becomes meaningless as you lay dying on the cold, unforgiving battlefield.”

and she pointed towards the enemy once more

“We all die.” She promised no sweet talk but her utmost honesty.

She took a step closer and grabbed the boy by his armor as she told him, loud enough, so that everyone could hear

“Does that mean our lives hold no value? That there was no purpose to our existence?” she asked, her gaze locking with his.

“…And what of our comrades who gave their all on the battlefield? Would you dare say their lives were meaningless as well?”

And he dared to look right back in her eyes. She felt Iris’ tearful gaze on her as she acknowledged her with a courteous nod.

So as y/n pushed him back in his row and turned to everyone else again, she said, with utmost conviction.

“They were not! Their memories stand as a beacon for us all!”

“The brave have fallen—” she said, pacing to the right, her voice steady.

“The broken have fallen—” she continued, stepping to the left, her presence commanding. The unit’s eyes following her, wide with awe.

“Their lives have meaning because we, the living, vow never to forget them!”

Returning to the center, she stood tall, her voice ringing with unwavering assurance as she declared:

“And as we charge toward our inevitable deaths, we trust that those who come after us will honor us the same.”

And she realized that as she continued talking, they were starting to look up, conviction burning in their faces.

“Because my soldiers stand strong and unbroken in the face of this world’s cruelties!”

“So we will charge with utmost honor and pride and sacrifice ourselves as we wished others would’ve done the same for us!”

“Now collect your weapons, as they will serve as your best comrades for what is to come. And fight- not for glory, but for the honor of those who stand beside you and those who will come after!”

For a moment an overwhelming silence fell over the soldiers, their eyes wide as they took in the weight of her words and she almost got anxious that her speech had the complete opposite effect on them as she had intended, but then, as if stirred by some unseen force, a deafening roar exploded from their ranks, shaking the ground beneath them.

As she looked around and saw even Adonis’ gaze filled with awe, y/n knew that she had done the right thing. So she allowed her face to stretch into a little smile as she clenched her hand into a fist, raised it to the sky and screamed along with them.

But that uproar didn’t held on for long as she sensed it before seeing it.

Her heart rate picked up and she felt a calming presence land behind her with a thud that it forced the troops in front of her into silence.

When a mix of a woody and night-mist scent hit her nostrils, her tears were instantly forming in her eyes and gone was her facade of strength.

She didn’t dare turn around even as she heard the approaching steps.

And when the first shadow brushed against her skin she couldn’t hold it anymore and swiftly turned around and-

And there-

In all his glory, his tall posture and composure, he stood in front of her with a crooked smile and gentle eyes as he looked at her, the wind brushing his soft hair back as it exposed more of his beautiful face, clear defined, and a dark tone, making his freckles from the distance almost invisible. And his eyes conveyed so many unspoken words that it almost seemed like they yearned for her, yearned to drink up everything that was her.

With clear determination he strode over to her and y/n’s heart almost leaped out of her chest as she felt his burning gaze on her, on every little movement of her.

When he stopped in front of her, only a breath separating them, y/n still stayed unmoving.

He opened his mouth and she quickly realized how she followed his every move, how she stared at his beautifully tinted lips.

She waited with anticipation to hear his dark velvety voice again, was desperate for his voice to shake her in her core. She let out ragged breaths and almost felt pathetic if it wasn’t for that crooked smile accompanying his voice

“If you keep looking at me like that I am going to lose it in front all of them my love.”

And she wanted to cry, wanted to hit him, scream at him, kiss him, and scold him all at once but settled on just asking him in a small whisper.

“..Why are you here?”

And she looked at him with wide glistening eyes, flustered, as she waited for his response.

And his eyes softened as he looked at her as though she were the very center of his universe.

“Because I realized that a life without you would be an empty existence-“

and her lips started shaking and the first tears were streaming down her eyes

“-because y/n-“

and his shaking hand cupped her right cheek as his thumb wiped off her tears and soothed her skin

“-I’d rather fall on the battlefield, sharing those final moments with you, than face a life where you no longer exist in it.”

————————————

A quick a/n: I am not really satisfied with how this turned out but I hope you’ll forgive my mistakes, as I really tried to rush this because the ideas were floating all in my head and before forgetting them I had to write them down so yeah, I hope this turned out at least a tiny bit like how you imagined <33 & again I appreciate every single one of you, your likes, reblogs and comments 🥺🫶🏼

I don’t know how many parts I’ll do but this is definitely not the end ;)

Taglist:

@kingshitonly @phoenix666stuff @blackgirlmagicforever @dragonsandrinks

@daughterofthemoons-stuff @tele86 @isa1b2h3 @curlyhairkk @jencole214 @willowpains @thestartitaness @romantasyreader28 @highladyofhogwarts @wrenisrad @minaaminaa8 @meritxellao @blepskies

@venuseuripedis @onebadassunicorn-blog @cleverzonkwombatsludge @atomictyphoonkitten @angiieguevara @thegoddessofnothingness @lilah-asteria

@makershoe @annaaaaa88 @saltedcoffeescotch @rcarbo1 @salvatoresister1 @historygeekqueen @fuyukonikiforova @donnadiddadog @becstersworld @batboyslutt @giovax

@rahdaleigh @cherryjain17

#azriel angst #azriel x you #azriel x yn #azriel imagine #azriel x reader #azriel #acotar angst #acotar imagine #acotar x you #acotar x reader #acotar #fated mates #farewellmylove #azriel shadowsinger

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logaenhowlett · 1 month ago

Text

EVERYTHING I AM IS YOURS - L.H.

Summary: With Logan, it's always one step forward, two steps back. Until it isn't.

Pairing: Logan Howlett x Female Reader

Warnings: Soft Logan (with glasses, very important detail I fear), Two fools in denial love, Fluff, Slight angst

A/N: Old Man!Logan is, without a doubt, one of my biggest weaknesses. And so, here's the first drabble for my A Weekend with Logan Howlett event! The prompt was NURSE. Title creds to Villagers.

MASTERLIST

"C'mon, kiss me and let's forget about it."

Logan's hand stills, the damp towel hovering just above three ragged slashes on your forearm. Blood pools in the deepest gouges, thick and dark, then trickles down in sluggish rivulets.

His eyes, burdened by shame, slowly breach the smudged horizon of his glasses, meeting yours in a hesitant, almost conflicted light. It's a look that strips him bare; a wordless confession of guilt and regret simmering above a gaping void only you could fill.

Fantasies of you twirl in his mind. Of stolen kisses, quickened pulses, and unspoken desires. Except they're not just fantasies. Rather, echoes of moments almost lived, a collection of near misses - each a half-written poem trailing off into a silence of what could've been.

Sorrow - a venomous serpent coiling around his heart - constricts his breath, forcing a shaky exhale that whispers of his self-loathing. He remains deaf to your quiet reassurances, instead meticulously cleaning your wounds as if the act itself is a penance. As if ceasing his ministrations would lock him in a brutal embrace with reality.

The reality that he hurt you.

His claws.

"Logan," you plead softly, "It was an accident."

Yet, the blood is real - your pain is real. He presses against the gauze, his focus so narrow that your sharp intake of breath goes unnoticed. "Doesn't change what I am," he grinds out.

"Enough–" The sudden withdrawal of your arm leaves his fingers grasping empty air, drawing his gaze unwillingly to yours. "Stop pushing me away. I can't... I can't start over again."

And amidst the unshed tears shimmering in your eyes rests a gravity Logan can no longer repel - an unyielding belief in him. The realisation strikes hard, a hammer blow crumbling the walls of his self-imposed prison. He looks at you, truly sees you, perhaps for the first time.

Faint tremors ripple through his hand as he cups your face, gently stroking your cheek where a lonesome teardrop traces a glistening path. "I'll kiss you if you still want me to," he whispers.

"No." The single word is soft, yet it reverberates through the quiet room with an unexpected force. His heart stutters violently in anticipation. "Kiss me because you want to."

The chorus of what-ifs swimming in his mind falls abruptly silent. And then, his lips crash against yours.

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riansdiary · 5 months ago

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IT ALREADY HAPPENED! MANIFESTATION IS NOT A PROCESS! IT'S DONE THE MOMENT YOU DECIDE YOU HAVE IT!

Manifestation is instant. The 3d is only waiting for your validation. You just have to accept that your desire is now yours and tell yourself that it is instant and manifestation is NOT a process.

I have Taylor Tookes to thank today for awakening me from being pulled into the whirlpool of programming again that you need to work hard or that manifestation is a process and that you need to affirm to make the reflection change when all we need to do is to fully accept that we have our desires now.

IT 👏 ALREADY 👏 HAPPENED 👏

What would you think if you have it now? Think as if it already happened and not for changing the reflection. That's the key for me. It's not making manifesting a process and affirming like crazy until you get it.

YOU GET IT WHEN YOU DECIDE THAT YOU HAVE IT NOW. YOU HAVE THE INNER KNOWING THAT IT'S YOURS AND IT'S DONE. YOU'RE NOT WAITING FOR ANYTHING! THE 3D IS JUST WAITING FOR YOU TO ACCEPT THAT IT'S YOURS AND TO VALIDATE YOURSELF.

You shouldn't be concerned about the 3d when you manifest because literally all you ever need to do is to accept that it's yours, think that it already happened because if you say that it did then it happened already!

Perfect example of this is the scene in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's/Philosopher Stone.

It was when Harry was getting the stone from the Mirror of Erised. His deepest desire was to see his parents and not to use the stone so the mirror gave it to him and he saw it happening in the mirror. The mirror was set to give the stone to someone who wants to find the stone and not to use it. He then felt the stone in his pocket and he got it.

This is how manifesting is but let me explain to you how.

The mirror of Erised = imagination/knowing you have it and it already happened

The 3d = the reality where Harry was

Sorcerer's/Philosopher's Stone = your desire

All you really need to manifest is decide what you want, decide that you have it now (it already happened), you fully accept and know that it's done and you get your desire because you said so.

YOU 👏 ARE 👏 THE 👏 VALIDATION! AND NOT THE 3D. THE 3D WAITS FOR YOU TO ACCEPT IT AND IT REFLECTS THAT.

You do not focus all your attention on the 3d when manifesting. You don't even have to do techniques except to affirm naturally like it already happened (think as if) and remind yourself every now and then. Have that inner knowing that you have this thing now because you decided so! Know it's done now. You could literally just affirm it is done or it already happened or it's already done and you're set!

There's nothing that says 3d in that because changing the 3d is not your job. Plus forget about it, it's not included in manifestation because once again...

IT 👏 IS 👏 JUST 👏 AN 👏 EFFECT 👏 OF 👏 YOUR 👏 MANIFESTATION 👏

The cause is you deciding you have it now and fully accepting that and not waiting for it. Let me stress on another important thing:

AFFIRM 👏 OR 👏 THINK 👏 THAT 👏 IT 👏 ALREADY 👏 HAPPENED 👏

NOT YOU AFFIRMING TO GET OR TO MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN.

Trust me, this is coming straight from my experience cause I did that and it is just focusing on lack and the old story and being desperate when it is supposed to be simple and easy. We have complicated this long enough.

Your job is deciding what you want and accepting that it's yours now. Knowing that it's done.

I found Taylor's videos to be helpful and she woke me up from making it a process. I truly wanna recommend her or Hyler because they're both helping me right now to understand even better.

I was testing this while I was listening to Taylor's "I don't agree with checking the 3d" video, I made YouTube float on the screen while I played Roblox Tower of Misery.

I said it naturally and not for the purpose of making something happen, rather in the mindset of it already happened.

I said in my mind "Omg someone bought immunity? That's great. Thank you." I said it like it already happened and I fully accepted that it's done.

I knew it was done and yes it happened a few seconds after I said that. Does that make it a process? No. It's just an effect of me knowing it was done. It's just the 3d conforming but I already knew it happened so I was not surprised at all. This is how manifesting is supposed to be and I know this will help a lot of people.

I'm posting this short post about it because that is all you need. I don't wanna complicate this simple law any further. That's it and let me remind you again:

It already happened.

#law of assumption #manifestation #manifesting #lawofassumption #loassumption #how to manifest #subliminals #loa success #loa advice #loablr #loa tumblr #loa blog #loa #law of assumption success

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sleepyconfusedpotato · 2 months ago

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Honeybaby

The confession.

Set in New Years Eve 2023, after the events of Call of Duty Modern Warfare II. An immediate continuation of Catch My Breath.

Pairing : Simon “Ghost” Riley x Charlotte “Jade” Le Jardin (OC) Characters : Simon "Ghost" Riley, Charlotte "Jade" Le Jardin (OC), Word Count : ~ 5600 Warning : Fluff with a slight bit of angst, a touch of hurt/comfort, and good ol’ cursings.

December 31st, 2022

London, United Kingdom

1500

'Ghost.'

Fuck, he thought. It's been 7 days since the Christmas party in Price's house. That was seven days without contact, without any interactions whatsoever. It had been seven days since they kissed, thanks to that damned mistletoe, and Seven days since Jade pecked him on his cheek.

He should admit, he still remembered the soft pressure on his cheek when she did that, and the fact that he’d been sneaking a hand to that part of his face to rub at it? It always brought him back to that night of December 24th.

Jade had left early. After the dinner with the team, she’d immediately helped Price around the house to tidy up, washed the dishes, and then left without telling Ghost anything.

Was he mad? Should he be mad?

Let's state the facts. They kissed under the mistletoe. It was her first kiss, and she consented to him doing it. And THEN, she asked him to do it again. It seemed like she liked it. He definitely liked it. As much as he hated the fact that it was because of a fucking mistletoe, he couldn't lie about how much he wanted to do that to her.

After that kiss, everything seemed okay. It was okay, they declared to stay friends - until she sneaked an unprecedented peck to his cheek.

He liked it. No, he loved it. Because it wasn't because of anything external. It was because of her own will, and that could not mean nothing.

What he didn't like though, was the reality that she left him hanging for 7 days. Seven days of uncertainty, Seven days of thinking of that little peck. Seven days of Johnny looking at him teasingly because he definitely knew something about that mistletoe and how he and Gaz absolutely had something to do with the location of that vegetation. Fucking hell.

And now, she'd texted him. The first text she'd sent to him after they got each others' numbers.

His heart raced again. She texted him his name and his heart was racing. God dammit, he truly felt like a bloody high schooler, for fuck's sake.

He typed, 'Jade.'

Not long, the woman texted him back,

'First off, I'm sorry for suddenly kissing you on the cheek. I broke your boundaries and it wasn't okay.'

She's apologising.

She's apologising for something he's happy about.

'And I'm sorry for not contacting you for a week. I kissed your cheek and then left without saying anything. It was unfair of me.'

Oh shit. She's continuing.

'I know how private you are with your identity, especially your face. Though I wish that you'd forgive me, it's fine if you don't.'

Fuuuuck.

'I just want to say that I'm sorry for doing that to you.'

'And I wish you could forget about it.'

This fucking woman…

—

There, she finally contacted him.

Ghost's a fast responder. She could tell that his phone's always active as he might get a call for deployment any time. He'd also immediately replied when she only texted his name.

Or had he been waiting for her to text him?

Bollocks. Anyway, she messed up. Leaving him hanging for a whole damn week. A WEEK.

She felt like an arsehole the whole time. Night and day she thought about it and what she should say to him.

It took her a long time to realise, but the days that they'd spent together in Las Almas, the days they worked together, it was one of the best missions she'd ever went on. If she could erase the bloody parts, she'd wish she could experience it again.

Jade cared for him more than she liked to admit. Jade wanted him to be happy. She wanted to see him smile more; she wanted to be close to him. She wanted to know him more. She felt safe with him, she felt like the world’s a better place beside him.

Jade sighed out loud, sitting on her worktable. The Garden was so damn busy this time of year, varying from people celebrating their years together, people declaring their love, or people remembering the love that they had. It was beautiful when she thought about it. People usually buy flowers to give it to someone. It’s a sign of love, showing that I care. Sometimes people give it to other people, sometimes for themselves as well. They give it to family members and friends; alive, or those who've left them earlier.

New Years had always been a mixture of emotions for her because of this line of work; because of how emotional it is.

But this one in particular, she couldn’t focus at all because of him. She’d been thinking about that kiss, and how she wanted to tell him that she meant it. Oh how bad she wanted to tell him that she cared for him.

But then, what did he feel towards her? Was he disgusted that she pecked him without his permission? How stupid, how inconsiderate of her to do that! Thinking about it made her want to scream into the skies at how brainless, imbecilic that act was.

And so, after days of thinking, what she wanted was for him to forget about it.

Because let’s be real. Why would he like her back? He’s a man who conceals his identity precisely so the people around him would stay away from him and not get too close. He must actively avoid people in his life to keep him away from danger and keep them away from danger. Ghost wouldn’t let himself slip like that easily, wouldn’t he?

Ghost? Liking someone?

-- INCOMING CALL --

- Beanpole 💀💢 -

Oh bollocks. He called her. He’s calling her!! Why was he calling her???

‘Answer the call.’ He texted her again, the calling line still active.

Oh no.

‘Now.’

With that, Jade tapped and slid the green icon upwards, putting the phone to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Jade, what kind of fucking bullshit did you just text me.”

Oh shite. He’s livid.

“Ghost I– I didn’t mean that peck. It was just a–”

“Just what? An instinct? Your MI6 instinct?!”

“I was–”

“You're telling me that we just kissed, twice, you left a peck on my face, and you want me to act like it never happened?”

Jade couldn’t say anything to that.

“You’d better believe Price sleeps without his hat first to say that, because for fuck’s sake – what you just said has no logical thinking to it!” He rumbled with his deep voice,

“You want me to forget about it?! Well I can’t!”

Jade had never heard him with this tone before. Ghost’s voice had always been raspy and harsh, filled with a commanding quality necessary in battle. But this tone sounded like he was in absolute anguish.

What he said was right. What she asked would be impossible. She’d been too selfish to think about what he’d want.

Silence lingered on the line, save for Ghost's soft breath after he raised his voice.

Who’s going to say anything at this point? Both of them were confused as to what they should say or what they should do.

“...You busy tonight?” Ghost finally started, making Jade flinch. His voice was back to calm.

“...We’re quite busy at New Years, but our shop closes at 10 PM.”

“Good. RV with me at this location after you’re done.” Right after he said that, Jade received a location ping.

“Ghost… This place is…”

“We need to talk, and not via phone call like this.”

“...Okay.”

“Good. See you there.”

—

Whitehall Garden, London, UK

31.12.2022 2235

Sea of people had filled the edges of the Thames River. One and a half hours before the year changes, the people of London had gathered right across the infamous London Eye in order to witness the drones and fireworks show that the city prepared annually. Jade was a fan of fireworks shows. She adored the beautiful colours that filled the night sky, especially the New Year's, as it’s literally only done once a year.

And now, Ghost told her to meet him in front of the Ministry of Defence building. Standing in front of the General Charles Gordon Statue with tons of other people, she’d wondered of Ghost’s whereabouts. That man could only be seen if he wanted to be seen, there’s no doubt about that.

Jade had texted him that she was at the RV point, 'I'm here.' and he'd already read it. So it's probably not long until she meets him.

"Jade."

A deep, harsh voice that could only belong to Ghost called from right behind her. She turned around on reflex, and found the 6'3" man standing right behind her, just a few mere inches away from each other.

Ghost's wearing a hoodie with his hood up and a pair of jeans with dark shoes. His face was not covered by the iconic skull-painted balaclava. Instead, he wore a black face mask in place of it. His black eye paint was not present around his eyes. She also noticed that he brought a backpack on his back.

Realising that he's far too close for her to think, Jade took a small step back.

"Hey Ghost. So what's the plan?" She shrugged her shoulders, her breaths turning into clouds in the air. "Do you want us to talk here? In the sea of humans?"

"Absolutely not. Follow me and stay close." Ghost turned around and started walking towards the Ministry of Defense building's side entrance. Once they reached the door, Ghost opened the thick wooden door and allowed Jade to enter first before closing the door behind him. The inside of the building was a dark main hall, only a few lights were on.

"Beanpole, what are we doin' here? Are we even allowed to be here?"

"Just follow me." The both of them then fast walked along the walls, until they reached the lift. The man pressed the up button and opened the lift door.

Entering the lift, Jade saw that in order to press a floor, it required an authorised key card. "It needs a keycard. What, do you have it?"

Ghost pulled out a key card, swiped along the electronic key and pressed the button with the highest floor. The metal door closed shut, and the lift started to carry both people up.

"Where did you get that card?" Jade asked out of curiosity, the whirr of the lift being their only company.

"I've got contacts."

"...which was?"

"Guy who goes by the name Roach. He used to be my mate in SAS but now he works here."

"Oh."

'Roach'? Peculiar name. Well, both of them had that 'unkillable' trait to their call signs so Jade could definitely see them being mates.

Reaching the top floor, the metal door opened, revealing a dark hallway after which Ghost led her again to the emergency staircases, where an old, classic-looking staircase was leading up to another upper part of the building. They climbed the stairs again, where the room that could be interpreted as the building's attic was located.

Ghost strolled to the furthest side of the attic, where they climbed another stair into a small balcony high up, closer to where the roof was. Ghost then pressed a chain of 5 numbers on the electronic key on the wall, which made the attic door above them open as they saw the night sky.

As the ladder descended, Jade started. “When you sent me the location of the MOD main building, I thought we were gonna watch fireworks down there.”

He stayed silent, his hands still pulling down the ladder.

“Well, you’ve told me you don’t fancy crowded places. I understand. But on the roofs of MOD? This is new.” Jade continued.

Should he admit that he never really watched fireworks shows? Should he admit that he hated places with too much noise that sometimes his nerves could go into overdrive?

Ghost didn’t say anything until the ladder was down to the floor. “Hop up.” He said, before climbing up the high ladders, Jade followed him from behind.

Once he’s up on the roof, Ghost popped his head to see her below, and unexpectedly, the masked man offered his hand down.

“Take my hand.”

Jade could admit that it still felt weird to see the skin on his bare hands, considering how often he used that skeleton painted gloves. That glove was so iconic Jade had seen it as his actual hand. Now that he was offering his hand, Jade immediately took his bigger palm, where he almost took her entire weight on his arm, making it easier to climb.

The last time he carried her was when she got shot during the prison break in Las Almas. She remembered how Ghost caught her fall and how he carried her to the van with the 141. Remembering that moment made her blush.

Once both of them stepped on the roofs, Jade looked to the other side of the Thames River, where the London Eye stood tall in bright, white lights that lit up the horizons. The Whitehall Garden below was covered with a sea of humans; families, friends, loved ones, together for the last moments of the year.

And when she looked to her side, there stood Ghost, viewing the London Eye just the same. His dark eyes reflected the white lights just right. Jade would be lying if she didn’t find him looking good today. Black was made for him. Not that she’d ever seen him in any other colour before, but seeing him in civvies without the skull mask on sight – It always reminded her that beneath all the ‘Ghost’ facade, he was just another regular bloke underneath. Just a dude named Simon.

The man looked down at his wrist, where his watch showed 22:58. “Good, we’re right on time. Sit down.”

Ghost sat down first, followed by Jade who sat down to his right. They were almost at the edge of the building and she must agree that this was the best spot to see the London Eye.

For a while, they sat there, no words exchanged between them. The winter winds of London brought her – for once – undone hair into the air. Ghost sneaked a glance at her appearance; Long dark green coat, soft brown pants, knitted gloves, and an oversized plaid scarf that messily surrounded her neck and shoulders, plus her wavy hair free falling onto her shoulders and back.

The woman sitting beside him was looking gorgeous in a way that he'd never seen before. She'd always been graceful in appearance, even in combat. It didn't even help him that he was basically asking her to spend New Year's Eve with him instead of with her family. Unlike him who had no family member left to spend his days with, Jade had her parents, she had her coworkers in her florist, and she volunteered for her old orphanage and for a local caring home. Unlike him, Jade was sociable and knew a lot of people.

"Midget." He started, prompting the woman to look at him.

"Hm?"

"You don't celebrate New Year with your parents?"

That question made her smile. "Yeah, I usually go to Piccadilly Circus with them. But when I told them I planned to spend New Year's with a ‘friend from work’, my parents dressed me up in… this, and pushed me out of the house."

Ghost scoffed, "Did you tell them who you're going to meet?"

"No, I didn't. Just 'a friend from work'." The smile on her face grew wider, "You can visit the shop sometime if you want. Probably have a tea or two–"

"No." Ghost cut her words almost immediately. That made Jade flinch. "It's better for them if they never met me."

That sentence caught her attention.

"It will only endanger themselves." His words confirmed her thoughts. As she looked at him with her green eyes, Jade could sense the loneliness in him.

Jade sighed, "Okay. I understand." Watching her breath turn into clouds in the air, she continued, "In this one particular mission… My work followed me home."

Now it's her turn to catch Ghost's attention.

"This one guy wanted to take his revenge on me. I was on the other side of the world when it happened, and he told me that his men got my Pa and Ma on his hitmen's scopes."

"I was fuming mad at him, but then… the hitmen were suddenly MIA. Lost communication." Ghost had decided that this was an interesting story.

"When he shouted to call for the hitmen… my Pa's voice sounded through the radio, saying, "Try again." I swear, my soul almost left my body at that time." The ginger lightly laughed at the memory. "I almost forgot that both of my parents were literal seasoned MI6 black agents."

'Ah, she's lucky.' Ghost thought to himself. Her family consisted of retired black agents, that must be relieving. Unfortunately, not all parents are kind, loving ex-MI6 agents who could take care of themselves.

"Nevertheless, even though I know they were probably better agents than I was in their younger days, and they can definitely take care of themselves… I don't want them to go through that." She continued.

"I love them. And I want them to be safe. Far from any danger that I might bring back from my work. So yes, I understand where you're coming from. But still," Jade tilted her head, “My offer still stands. You can come by anytime, any day.”

Jade finished as her hands pulled out a metallic tumbler. She popped up the lid and started to drink from it.

"What are you drinkin'?"

"Chamomile tea. And!" Jade's hands entered her bag again, and pulled out another black-coloured tumbler before handing it to him. "Here. For you."

Eyeing the bottle in suspicion, Ghost took the tumbler on his hands. "What is this?" He popped out the lid and lowered his mask to his upper lip, taking a sniff of the drink in question. It released steam that immediately disappeared into the winter wind.

"It's something I think you'd like."

It didn't smell suspicious, so Ghost glanced at the woman, before finally lowering his mask to his chin, taking a sip from the tumbler.

"...Black tea?"

Jade smiled at that. "Yep! Your fave." Jade remembered exactly how he didn't like her chamomile tea back in Fuerzas Especiales base, so when she thought about going with tea, she decided to bring another one with black tea. "Is it good?"

"That's alright." He said before drinking again. Looking at him liking the tea, Jade celebrated inside her head.

Putting down the black tumbler on the roof, it's time for Ghost to take his backpack. "Shame. I also brought something."

"Wait, what?"

"I'm the one who invited you, so I must bring somethin' right?"

From inside his bag (which by the way, was FILLED with foam), he pulled out a green bottle with another light brown coloured one, along with two paper cups.

"YOU BROUGHT GIN AND BOURBON IN YOUR BACKPACK?" Jade was absolutely astounded at this man's bag. What's even more surprising was what he pulled out next. "O–Oh my goodness me…"

Ghost put down two double quarter pounders with cheeseburgers, along with fries in front of them. The utter shock was painted all over her face.

"I don't know what else you like."

Jade laughed out loud at this man's actions. He actually bought Micky D's before going to the RV point. And the fact that he said he didn’t know what else she’d like except Gin for alcohol and a double quarter pounder with cheese and fries, it’s probably the funniest thing she had ever seen him do.

She couldn’t hold back her loud laugh that she tipped her body back, almost falling. Saying that Ghost didn’t like the sound of that would be an utter complete lie.

“Oh my GOSH, Simon!” She clapped her hand together, still wheezing from laughter. "You are a top lad!"

Ghost grinned as he observed Jade's laugh. The only thing he did was listen to what she said was her favourite junk food meal back in Las Almas, and now he bought it for her. Nothing big at all, yet her smile was the widest he's seen her.

“Let me.” He poured each liquor to their respective paper cups a good amount. Giving the Gin one to her hand.

For moments they filled their guts with the snacks Ghost brought. He took a glance at the woman beside him every once in a while, looking at how she ate the burger and fries, and how she cutely scrunched her face when the gin caught the back of her throat. He too was eating away at his own burger. To be honest, this was his first time eating junk food in a while. It's been years since he enjoyed a delicious, trashy fast food because of his constant deployments and, basic health, of course. But being with her, he felt like just letting go. He didn't feel like eating something hard-earned. Just an easy quick fucking burger with fries.

Licking her fingers from the fries flakes, Jade started. “Look at us. Eating a double quarter pounder with fries, with booze on the side, on the roof of the Ministry of Defence, waiting for the New Year countdown in front of London Eye. What. A. Scene.”

Suddenly, Jade noticed that Ghost shivered a bit. He took another gulp of the bourbon before finishing his burger.

"Are you cold?"

"...No."

"You're shivering."

"I'm not."

"...Your cheeks are red."

"They are not."

"You always cover them with your mask but they're clearly blushing from the cold."

“You’re seeing things.”

“...Alright, then. That is it.” Out of nowhere, Jade scooted closer to him, pulled half of her scarf before tugging them around Ghost's neck, creating a connection between the both of them.

"Wh-What are you doin’?”

Still tidying the scarf, she answered, “How can I eat peacefully if you’re shivering beside me like this?” Patting the scarf softly in finality, Jade muttered, "There. If it's cold, the solution is to wear more layers. Not drink alcohol. Take this as a payback for lending me your jacket a week ago."

Ah, yes. The jacket she threw to his face after she pecked him on the cheek. He's not going to lie, he should’ve worn that jacket today. The cold was no joke at all. They both rubbed their hands together, and covered their mouths and nose with it, blowing more warm air towards their palms to keep the heat.

Just as they observed the London Eye, Ghost’s watch showed 23.56, signaling the start of the light shows that began commencing right in front of them.

Jade stared at the holograms and dancing drones in the sky, captivated by the attraction, until Ghost called her name.

“Jade.”

“Hm?” She replied, her eyes kept looking at the light show.

“Listen… If you think it's okay, I'm about to say somethin', alright?” said Ghost, as the cold wind kept blowing gently.

What was he about to say? How should she react? Those were the thoughts that crossed her mind. Her racing heart was beating so loud caused by all the questions inside her head. Looking at the direction of the conversation, he might tell her something really, really important.

“ …Alright.” fingers crossed inside her head, Jade shifted her head to look at his eyes, and it was, for the first time, filled with such vulnerability and tenderness. The absence of the black paint left his brown eyes bare – nothing to hide, no front to put up.

“After I say this, I think things will never be the same, though I hope otherwise.” Putting his fists on his knees, Ghost began.

“Ever since I delved into this occupation, I fully commit my life to the job; there's no room for compromise, and if my life ended, then at least I died fighting for my cause.”

His tone grew slightly sombre, probably from remembering the times he enlisted into the army, all the hardships, all the pain and suffering he endured inside and outside the army, it all had made him who he was right here and then.

“But recently, I felt something that I haven't felt in a long, long time, and I thought I must be out of my mind to allow myself to feel this way. “ Ghost continued, his eyes grew softer. It's almost like she saw a glint of light and hope in his eyes.

“I admit that I've been an arse to you; I hadn't been nice, and I don't think I deserve to feel this way for you."

"At first, I didn't know what I was feeling. You were too good at what you do, and you gained my trust all too quickly. But the more I know you, the more I spend my time with you, it became clearer – I admire you, I respect you, I revere you. Until it grows to something more than that.”

Ten! Nine! Eight!

“I thought if I let it be, my feelings would dissipate and go away, but it only became stronger. I can't get you out of my head."

Seven! Six! Five!

“I'm not good with words, so I will say this once.”

Four! Three!

"You brought up a part of me that I didn't know I had. And I like myself more every time I'm with you."

Two!

"Lottie,"

One!

Hundreds and hundreds of little lights shot up into the sky, flying high into the infinite black above. Along with the loud cheers of the people below, the lights exploded and dispersed into beautiful colours of red and blue, filling the night sky with a kaleidoscope-like view. The great bell of Big Ben chimed over and over, bearing witness to the change of the year, the London Eye flashed into colours of blue and red and white.

Ghost never liked New Year's.

He never liked the noises and the sounds of explosions as his nerves and senses went into overdrive at the place where they weren't supposed to. In the battlefield, this bodily reaction would come in handy – it kept him alive. But right at that moment, when Ghost declared his honest feelings to Jade, this might be the worst – and at the same time – the best place to do it.

Jade loved New Year's.

For most of her life, those days were the reason she kept going, to at least survive, and live for another year – just to witness the fireworks. She never once missed a fireworks show, even if she was somewhere else around the world for an assignment, Jade would find a big city and witness the colours of New Year's. Even if she was somewhere where people didn’t celebrate, she’d quickly turn on the TV, however bad the quality was.

Even if she had to camp in the middle of nowhere, she would bring a sparkler rod beforehand, lighting them up as a little firework right in front of her face.

She had to witness them.

Yet as of this moment, she couldn’t be bothered to even look at the fireworks, as her green eyes were fixed only on the man beside her.

If she were to be honest, Jade couldn’t quite hear what he said. The noises were very loud, almost deafening, coming from everywhere around them. The sounds of explosions, chimes of the big ben, loud cheers of the people below, and the music from the London Eye.

But it didn’t take a heavily trained MI6 agent to read lips, especially when he’s speaking right in front of her.

“I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Her eyes widened at those words. No one had ever said that to her before in her life, not one that made her heart race, but also one that made a thousand butterflies fly inside of her.

“But I don’t know if I’m ready.”

And just like that, Ghost left her speechless. The butterflies flying inside her stomach had flown to God knows where. Lights from the fireworks had not stopped exploding, and the noise didn’t dissipate. It only grew louder and louder – a contrast to what was happening inside Jade’s mind right at that moment.

Ghost saw her entire expression. It was a mix of delight yet of confusion. A face of joy and love, yet of bewilderment. It’s like she’s still processing his words, and understandably so. He felt like an utter and complete arse at that moment. He just confessed his feelings to her, only to say that he cannot dedicate himself to it.

For a moment, he kept looking at her face. The fireworks light reflecting on her skin, the cold winter wind combing through her wavy hair.

She’s so goddamn beautiful. Fucking hell. How can he not love her? It’s impossible for him not to fall for her.

It took a really long time for her to finally change her expression. He thought he saw her breath hitched before closing her lips together tightly. It seemed that she’d finally regained her composure, so he continued.

Ghost balled his fist even tighter on his knees, “This job is essentially my whole life, and it’s full of uncertainty. You said you felt safe with me, Lottie, but it’s not true.” He swallowed, “Being with me is anything but safe.”

Jade only stared at him.

“You deserve the whole world, Jade, and I’m afraid I cannot give it to you. I care for you more than I thought I did.” He admitted. “I want to make you happy, but I can’t. I don’t know how.”

Ghost kept on observing her reactions, but she gave none. The woman’s expression looked… empty. Was it her instinct to not give out any expressions during vulnerable times? It might be so, considering her background. Still, what did he expect? For her to be mad? Cry? Disappointed?

Instead, what Ghost saw before him a few seconds later was an expression of… relief? He didn’t know what to interpret them as, but Jade smiled. It was full of sincerity and at the same time, sadness. He was a little bit taken aback at that. Part of him thought that their relationship that they’d built through hard-earned trust would go down the drain from his words alone. However, it was not what happened, as she called his name.

“Simon.”

He blinked, waiting for her next words.

“Can I hug you? Please?”

Jade's plea sounded like a person's last wish.

It saddened him so. He wanted her to be happy. God, he wanted to. But in the current state he is in right now, it's almost impossible.

So he nodded softly, and she embraced him in a soft, warm hug. Jade's chin rested on his shoulder, his chin on hers. Their bodies pressed together, arms circling their figures so tight, yet so gently. His long arms could almost envelop her entire figure in a bear hug.

Ghost closed his eyes, smelling the scent of her hair that touched his face from the blowing wind, pressing his palms on her back to feel her as close as possible.

As the fireworks kept coming up, they hugged like a lifeline. Not wanting to let go, at least he didn't.

"You've told me what you wanted to say. Now I'll say what I want to say, alright?" Still pressing her cheek to her neck, she voiced softly.

"...alright," he replied.

Jade grasped his jacket, took a deep breath, and started, "I've never met someone who's so similar to me. I've always lived alone, thrived alone, and survived alone, until I met you."

Ghost stayed still.

"I said it before, I feel safe with you. I can be myself. I don't have to hide anything. And I care for you."

"You said you want to make me happy, so I'll say this: I want to see you happy, more than anything. Nothing makes me happier than looking at your smile."

In the middle of the loud noise, she confessed.

"I love you too, Simon.”

Hearing that sentence felt like a boulder had just been lifted up from his shoulder; his chest that felt tight for God knows how long released its tension. He tightened his hold on her ever so gently. God, she's so warm.

For a while they hugged, not saying anything, until Jade rubbed his back up and down. Realizing that they need to part, Ghost let out a breath that dissipated into the air.

They stared at each other's eyes. Everything was different now. The person in front of them knew that they loved one another; recognizing that the person in front of them meant the whole world to each other. A moment of epiphany reflected in their eyes.

Ghost started. "Let's not change, yeah?"

Jade's mind interpreted that into two meaning, but she chose to believe the more hopeful and the certainly better one. From the way he looked at her, Jade was sure that she's right.

She nodded, "Yeah. Of course. But..."

That last word made Ghost flinch. Who said only he could say a 'but'?

"I'm not someone who will sit and wait, Simon."

Ghost widened his eyes.

"I love you, and I'm here for you. You're the only one for me." She continued. "But I'm not going to ask you 'what are we?' after too long."

Her eyes reflected a kind of conviction she'd always displayed in the battlefield. Jade might be a warm, kind-hearted, most uncomplaining woman he'd ever met, but she's not a fool either.

"I'm ready. I want us to be ready. So I will wait for you." Jade declared with finality. A smile formed in her lips.

Her words might be the ones entering his ears, but Ghost's mind registered one phrase.

'Don't play with my heart.'

Like he would. That's the last thing he wanted. Jade's heart was the last thing he wanted to play with and make wait. He must admit, he hadn't seen all sides of Jade yet. And Jade hadn't seen all sides of him. But he's willing to reveal them -- in time.

Ghost smiled back. "Yes Ma'am."

---

Journey back to The Garden was… normal. It wasn't awkward nor anything uncomfortable given that they just literally confessed their affection for each other, rather a pleasant walk and bus ride, thanks to Jade's conversational skills that were superior compared to his. She'd asked multiple questions about himself, and not the deep ones, but the very mundane, unimportant facts.

"What's your favorite season?"

"Summer.”

"Do you watch Football?"

"Only on some occasions.'

"I find that hard to believe. Who do you support?"

"City."

"Oh. Is blue your favorite color?"

"Black is, but I just found out some time ago that black is a shade, not a color. So blue it is."

"I'd really love to see you in blue outfits."

He made a mental note on that.

It didn't feel like 1 hour of commute for them to find themselves in front of The Garden. It's 2 AM, but some lights were still shining since it's the first day of the year, casting a light on their faces.

Jade looked at Ghost, glancing at the pavements to avoid her gaze.

"Beanpole."

He looked at her.

Her gentle voice felt like a warm glow of the sun in the middle of winter, "Happy new year."

Ghost couldn't hold the grin on his face. Yep. It is a new year indeed. New beginnings, new journeys, new endings. "Another fuckin' trip around the sun."

They giggled together, the sound so pleasing to their ears. They couldn't wait to hear more of it.

"I should call it a night. We're opening the shop early this morning."

"Oh. Yeah, you should rest." He sounded disappointed.

Jade lifted her hand, held it into a fist, and lightly pushed it on Ghost's chest. "See you, Simon."

"See you, Lottie." Ghost raised his right hand to tap Jade's shoulder once.

What she didn't expect though, his hand ran slowly along her clothed arms, from her shoulder, her arm, down to her forearms, ending on her hand. His palm ran noticeably slower once he reached the back of her hand.

He subtly traced her knuckles and to the most end of her fingers, making the most out of that touch, before his legs shifted to walk away.

"Text me, yeah?" Ghost said with finality, their distance increasing.

"You text me." Jade said with a loud volume. She could tell he's laughing as he started to disappear from view.

Jade smiled, rubbing her hands together to keep the heat on her hand. Remembering all the things that happened tonight. Gosh, that was something else.

She started to giggle, squealing in a high pitch when she remembered the words he said. Her feet tapped side by side on the snowy pavement. Ghost? Saying those words?? Oh, she might fly away. He said he's bad with words, but that was not bad at all (not that she had any comparison. Still, he could be sweet when he wanted to.

"Lottie? Back already?" A man's voice muttered to her.

Jade looked to the side, recognising her father and mother, walking hand-in-hand, looking as romantic as ever. They clearly looked so happy together, spending another new year's eve with each other's company.

"Yeah. I just got back too." Jade nodded.

"Great! I cooked some chicken casserole after you left. Let's feast on that and maybe get some wine yeah?" Her mother chimed, while her father kissed her on the forehead.

Jade reflected on the life she'd lead, and the lives that both of her parents had lived as retired black agents who'd ben through hell and back. The gratefulness that they felt each year, to spend it with the most important person in their lives.

What a dream that was.

What a dream to live.

Fin.

---

Happy New Years 2025 everyone!! 🤩 May this year be cheerful and bright, bringing up hope and joy to us all.

Thank you for reading!

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #cod #cod mw #simon ghost riley #cod mw22 #charlotte jade le jardin #call of duty oc #call of duty modern warfare 2022 #ghost x jade #ghostjade #ghost x oc #simon riley

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cheyisagirlkisser · 3 months ago

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Kisses with Ellie: Headcannons

She’s such a cutie so I had to make this. I tried to make it cannon but idk if it’s accurate 🤷‍♀️

• Jackson Ellie would definitely kiss you sweetly and softly and there are some times kisses would get heated(referring to the couch scene tbh) and she’d just end up on top of you with her tongue smothering yours. She would like holding your face while kissing you and forever would she have the cutest smile plastered on her face after.

• Seattle Ellie probably wouldn’t kiss you😭 like honestly let’s be real she doesn’t really have much time for that, maybe some small pecks before she has to go do something to help her search, but she’s still grieving and the most you would get is a few kisses from her when she was in a better mood. However, you at least know when you do get those small kisses that it’s special, and that she’s genuine with it. She makes sure you know she still loves you when the situation is hellish.

• Farm Ellie would be ALLLL over you. Neck kisses, shoulders, cheeks, your face. She’d constantly be kissing your lips, from stealing soft little pecks when you’re busy to having hour long mind-blowing make-out sessions when you’re supposed to be asleep in bed. She loves giving you long, deep kisses and trying her best to take her time when in reality it’ll just end with her tongue practically shoved into your mouth and some teeth clashing. She’s not a rough lover in my opinion but she gets really excited and caught up in the moment, sometimes she’ll leave you with accidental hickies when she’s macking on your neck but who really cares because who’s gonna see them? The clickers?

• Santa Barbara Ellie also probably wouldn’t care about kissing, but to be fair it’s harder to truly know because we didn’t get to really see her interact romantically during this era. But Santa Barbara is my favorite so I’m making stuff up for fun idc🙏 Santa Barbara Ellie would probably be the rougher kisser. I think she wouldn’t even care to put a filter into her head, so she’d be the type to bite on your bottom lip, and her kisses wouldn’t be from a place of love but from pure need or the need to have a distraction. She wants to be temporarily distracted from her decision to leave the farm, she wants to forget about her grief, and she needs some way to just take out her anger.

• Epilogue Ellie wouldn’t kiss either because she NEEDS the kisses. She would need you to kiss her forehead or cheek and take care of her, but probably wouldn’t admit to any of that. I honestly think she just needs a big hug though. A huge hug and someone to be there for her because she’s already lost everyone dear to her.

#ellie tlou #tlou2 #ellie williams #ellie the last of us #ellie x reader #ellie x you #ellie x y/n #ellie x fem reader #ellie headcanons #the last of us part 2 #tlou 2

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vigilskeep · 3 months ago

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hey harker! very much enjoying the lucanis/illario/general crow posting, and im gonna encourage more: now that you’ve had some time to sit with the game i was really curious to hear more about your opinion on lucanis becoming first talon. i can’t help but feel like it’s completely glossed over that lucanis is definitely going to get chewed up by this job in most save states. i have mixed feelings about it personally - but setting those aside because i’m asking about yours.

i TRULY cannot express this enough: that villa is a tomb and if we do not get him out of there we are burying him in it

lucanis does not want this job. he has straight up canonically always avoided thinking about this by assuming he would die before it becomes something he has to deal with. he reacts with paralysed disbelief to being given it and seems to have barely registered it for the rest of the game. and even if he did want it, lucanis is not capable of this job. none of his skillsets are managing people, or making ruthless calls, or watching out for himself. the only driving force behind him being pushed into this is caterina, who will not be around to do the admin and protect him from external threats forever. and she only wants him to do it in the first place because she had a good heir—his mother—and has needed to project that dead daughter onto lucanis for his whole life, to believe she hasn’t already gambled and irrevocably lost her family’s future decades ago. but lucanis’ incapacity to ever say no to her, which is what lets him stay that eternal teacher’s pet, is one of the most obvious shining examples why he would be so bad for the job!

it would be an uphill battle for anyone to recover control of an assassin house that until last week was being run by your cousin who tried to kill you. it would be an uphill battle for anyone to lead the crows in the aftermath of the antaam occupation. it would be an uphill battle for anyone to cope with the fact that relying on viago and teia—which lucanis with his resources and skills has no choice but to do here, even if he didn’t simply like them and make choices based on liking people because he is not a strategist—presents them as an alliance that any other ambitious talon must cut down to get anywhere. three out of eight of the talons is such a ludicrously dangerous number. it does not take an overwhelmingly brilliant mind to notice that there’s more of us than there are of them

the best man for the job would still be fighting for their life, and lucanis is far from the best man. caterina was! and she still lost five children and six grandchildren holding it! that’s so many! have you guys ever seen that one post about people who kept getting a new outdoor cat every time the last one got eaten by cougars and it was pointed out they were basically just feeding cats to the cougars. that’s what caterina dellamorte was doing having kids

the points in lucanis’ favour off the top of my head are the weight of the dellamorte name and reputation, that his victory over illario was decisive and public, and simply the fear factor that he is a god slayer and, lest we forget, a fucking abomination. is that enough to keep him alive? for how long? under what level of constant anxiety and moral degradation for his very soft over-caffeinated heart? all for the questionable gain of several large and empty villas and the privilege of dragging out the slow and lingering death of a family that, you guessed it, you love it, it’s the thedas favourite: has no! next! generation! heirs! at all!!!

(unless illario has a bunch of kids somewhere. i think that would be objectively pretty funny, a sentence i managed to type most of before feeling ill. oh god we need to get them out.)

i apologise that my tone here is somewhat hysterical but i have been living in the mind of my rook, a character very aware of the realities of crow politics who loves lucanis very much. it does not surprise me that lucanis was once again incapable of even conceptualising saying no to his grandmother and accepted the title, or that the idea of abandoning her legacy and his family would seem insurmountable to him when he has been raised to believe it’s all he’s for and he is the last one shouldering the weight. but i am saying this with total and absolute confidence: this is another prison and he is going to die in there if nobody gets him out.

#veilguard spoilers #lucanis dellamorte #it was a wild decision to have those insane two options for illario be his quest choice and not whether or not we get him out of this #but i went with more of an in-world response to this ask bc thats more fun to me.#crow studies

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sageshouldknowbetter · 8 days ago

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Lumon as the abusive mother. The building shaped like a uterus. (“I understand you’re unhappy with the life you’ve been given.”) Wire mother/cloth mother in their commercial. “Lumon will always protect and provide.” Creating their employees — waking them splayed out on a table, helpless — to give what Dan Erickson called “a sense of being born to the company.” “Milchick’s a nice man. He can’t always be nice like that.” Controlling realities. (“But eventually, we all have to accept reality. So here it goes.”) Building a chokehold of perfect pastel power based on shame and fear. “I’m afraid you don’t mean it. Say it again.” Covering up inflicted injuries with comedic explanations and little treats… because we don’t want people getting suspicious, do we? “What I just did was something I knew that you could handle and grow from. It was very painful for me. I hope that you’ll let it help you.” Rapidly oscillating between artificial comfort and breaking you into pieces. Lying. Infantilizing. And never dropping the smile. (“I am a person. You are not. I make the decisions. You do not.”)

Outies as the absent father. Only present for a single moment in the act of creation and never relied on again. (“The point is that Mark made a decision.”) Initiate the birth of a human consciousness for convenience — and then refuse to take responsibility for it. (“And that decision was controversial, ethically and socially.”) Portrayed as the ultimate authority and final word, but hold no actual power. Lied to. “I know your innie will be sad to have missed a day.” Fantasized about by the human consciousnesses they’ve created. “I like to think my outie lives on, like, a riverboat.” Trusted as rescuers — powerful. (“Well, we get her to the south stairwell… I’ll go with her… and once we’re out the door, my outie will know what to do.”) But are truly beaten down by life and don’t have all (any) of the answers. (“I don’t know. That’s his problem.”) They can’t BE there, but they can live on both in their creations’ skin and behind their eyes. “You carry the hurt down there too. You just don’t know what it is.” Want to stay away… yet cannot help but be curious. (“Like, you could get married and have kids, and just forget they exist for eight hours every day, for your whole life. That doesn’t mess with your head?” “I think for some people… that’s the point.”)

Innies as children. “Innie” — diminutive of “infant.” (“Forgive me for the harm I have caused this world.”) Petey’s first memories of Lumon coinciding with his fifth birthday. “Then again, you’ve been severed for two years, right? So your innie really is still just a baby.” Referred to with first name and initial… like little kids in a classroom. (“None may atone for my actions but me, and only in me can their stain live on.”) Have no say in how they dress, eat, or live their lives. “You brought him into this world without his permission, based on your own desire for emotional convenience.” Mark in the Grand Central pop-up being made to stand in a corner as punishment. (“I am thankful to have been caught, my fall cut short by those with wizened hands.”) Thought to be pacified with claymation. Cartoon mascots. Little treats. “Are you mad at me?” Not considered human, because if they’re human… how can we sleep at night? (“All I can be is sorry.”) Horrifically abused, but cannot leave their abuser, because they are unable to survive without them. “Well, since this perceptual version of you only exists at Lumon, I mean, quitting would effectively end your life.” Unable to ask the outside world for help. “They’ll all be Kier’s children.” Broken again and again… and always for. Their own. Good. (“And that is all that I am.”)

#Severance #severance tv #severance apple tv #severance show #severance spoilers #severance season 2 #severance meta #severance s2 #severance analysis #the interesting thing about this is that from a Freudian standpoint #it is the outie that’s getting “penetrated”#not Lumon #someone smarter than me: write an essay about that NOW!!!

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starmocha · 1 month ago

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Hi hello so im back again with a smaaaaaaallllll rant about Colonel Caleb and general's daughter. I just got the ideea and i had, once again, nowhere to rant about it.

Ahham. So....them having their own 'myth' lets say. They were lovers in their past lives(historical maybe the 1800 or the 1900)but couldn't be toghter since she was of lower status then Caleb, him being a Colonel in the army (i love Colonel Caleb so bear with me) and her being a commoner or someting and she dies in his arms and he swears to protect her in their next lives and faith makes sure to have them be of the same 'rank'??? so he could fullfill his promise FUCK MY MIND IS IN RUINS 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I hope i made myself clear if not blame my mind, thank you! Good night! 😭😂❤️❤️

MINA I AM DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU AND YOUR LOVELY AU AGAIN. <333 gosh I wanted to answer this immediately last night, but Caleb’s latest trailer had me losing my mind and things spiraled 😭😭😭

Giving you all of my attention, because EXCUSE ME. WHEELS ARE SPINNING.

Can we…can we just indulge on this a little more? 🥹 omg excuse the slightly heavy Moulin Rouge! influences sprinkled in here, but this is the vibe I am getting, especially for their “tragic” ending.

A Colonel and His Lover

Imagine Colonel Caleb is dragged to a brothel by his associates and superiors. He finds the whole thing disdainful, but is pressured by his own superiors to indulge in a little nightly fun and let loose and forget their duties for a bit.

He doesn’t plan to. He had planned on leaving the moment everyone finds their partners.

Until he sees you.

Literally lust love at first sight.

He’s captivated by your beauty, your wits, and he’s falling hard and fast before he realizes what is happening.

One night with you leaves him yearning for more. He has already remembered how you felt under him, the way you quivered and moaned for him.

He remembers the sweet nothings uttered between the two of you, and though a tiny part in his mind is telling him that you are just a whore who is good with her tongue, he wants to believe that there is something genuine blossoming between the two of you.

He starts going back to the whorehouse more often. Nightly, if he could. He still puts on an act that he was being pressured to tag along, but in reality, all he wants is to see you again. No matter what it takes, what the price, he wants you and only you.

In the beginning, he was just another client. One of those military brutes who only saw you as something that can be bought for and used until they were satisfied.

You did intentionally charm him in the beginning. A false smile, a few sweet words to prickle his male ego, but it soon becomes apparent to you that Caleb is not like all of your previous clients. When he sees you, there is genuine feelings in his eyes, he is truly looking at you for you and not just a body to be used.

You try to discourage your own feelings, reminding yourself of the different classes you belong to. This can never happen—could never happen.

A prestigious colonel on his way to greatness and a common whore? What a joke. It seems almost insulting to entertain such an idea that you could ever truly be his. You quiet those feelings, try to imagine him as any of those other bastards who drag you to bed.

Except you can’t.

Caleb won’t let you. He sees you for you. He wants to know you, the real you, who you have hidden away for years.

You no longer wait for him to come to you as a client. You begin to sneak around whenever you both could, having regular rendezvouses where he is no longer a client or you’re a whore, but two lovers meeting to be together.

After one afternoon delight, you lay with him in an inn bed, tangled in sheets and wrapped in his warmth, and he paints you a beautiful picture of the life you both could have together.

He would buy you all of the beautiful dresses for you to wear, show you off with pride, his equal at his side wherever he goes. Men may still lust after you, their wives green with envy, but to Caleb, he couldn’t care, because he knows you are his and his alone.

You would live in a beautiful house, your days filled with idle contentment and no longer have to worry about anything or want for anything. Caleb promises to provide you with everything you could want and more.

When you tell him, though, that he is all that you want, his cheeks tinge pink, but his smile is layered with joy and also…gratitude? He looks at you like you are his whole world, because that’s just how it is: you are his world now. He had never thought he could cherish someone as much as he cherishes you.

A beautiful life awaits you. He asks you to marry him.

For just a moment, you hesitate, and he is confused. He gently questions you, wondering if you have any doubts about his feelings.

“No! Never!” you tell him, and then reluctantly, you reveal that you could still feel that distance in classes between the two of you. You worry about his reputation, and Caleb seems surprised.

He reassures you there is nothing for you to worry about. He can handle whatever happens, and he promises to keep you safe.

You agree to marry him.

Life continues as normal as the two of you plan to run away and elope. He had promised you an extravagant wedding, but you want him now, already wanting to be his wife and he your husband.

This rosy life you are seeing turns grey in an instant, everything grinding to a halt when you start to display symptoms of an unknown illness. You start coughing up blood more often, your body weakened some days to the point you need to be bedridden. Secretly, you hid everything from Caleb, not wanting him to worry.

Caleb starts wising up, realizing something is wrong when you continue to evade his questions or even outrightly avoid meeting him again.

When a physician reveals to you that you only have less than five months to live, you realize that the dream life Caleb promised you would never come true. Not wanting him to bear the pain of seeing you dying, you start to drive a further wedge between the two of you, consciously doing things to make him hate you so he wouldn’t ever have to feel the pain of losing you.

It works.

You fight with him to the point that you’re both yelling and screaming at one another until he loses control of his anger and drives his fist into a wall, scaring you briefly, having never seen this side of him before. He doesn’t want you to see him like this either, so he leaves, leaving you with these bitter harsh words and some bills tossed at you in spite:

“I have paid for my whore. My debt is paid and she is nothing to me.”

When he is out of sight, you fall to the ground sobbing, angry at yourself for doing a good job of driving him away and making him hate your existence. The man you loved is gone, and though it hurts, you still wish he would find someone to replace you, because you still love him with your whole heart and never want him to be alone like this.

Caleb is angry and it shows. The Colonel has always been very disciplined and strict, but everyone has noticed his temper seemed even more short. There is no leniency with him. You mess up, he will make sure you learn from your mistakes. You talk back to him, and it will be your last words in his presence.

He starts to drink more often, wishing to numb his pain, to forget your fights, to forget you. There is no alcohol in the world strong enough to cure him of this heartache. In spite of everything, he still loves you. He replays the memories often, wondering when everything had gone wrong.

One night as he sits at the bar, on his fifth glass of scotch, he pulls out a ring box, opening it to look at the dainty little ring he had secretly chosen for you. It wasn’t a huge diamond, but still perfectly sized, and he knows it would look beautiful on your finger.

He downs his glass, pays his tab, and stumbles out of the bar. He staggers through the streets disoriented, not even thinking clearly of where he is going.

He finds himself at the brothel again, and he scoffs. He goes in, demanding to see you.

The madame there tries to turn him away. She knows who he is, and also knows of his secret relationship with one her girls. She knows what you two had planned, because you had revealed everything to her and begged her to never let him come near you again—for his sake. Always for his sake. Even as you are dying upstairs, each day, you breathing growing weaker, you still think of him.

Caleb doesn’t take “no” for an answer and in his current drunken state, he is more prone to violence than usual, slurring insults about you in spite. It isn’t until one of the other girls screams out that you were dying, that he freezes, sobering up instantly.

“What…did you say?”

His whole world had stopped. The colors drain from his face, his heart slowing as he replays her words in his mind. The dots start to connect as he remembers all of your final fights, realizing your expressions had always seemed off somehow.

His throat is dry, his limbs rigid as he tries to move. Suddenly, he runs off in a mad dash before anyone could stop him. He rushes up the stairs, passing several rooms, pushing anyone in his way to the side until he finds your room, the door bursting open and he freezes again, not recognizing the frail woman laying in bed under multiple covers as a nurse is tending to her.

Caleb doesn’t leave and rushes to your side, dropping to his knees as he reaches for your hand, begging you to look at him. He apologizes profusely, his eyes glistening with tears.

“Why didn’t you tell me?! Why did you lie to me?! Why, why…why…”

His large hands wrapped around yours, holding it close to his face as he sobs.

“Ca..leb…”

He looks up, seeing you smiling at him weakly.

“I’m here,” he assures you, “I’m here…I’m not leaving…Not again…”

Too weak to fight, too relieved to see him, you let him stay and you close your eyes.

He stays by your side for your remaining days, cherishing the little time you had left.

One afternoon as he watches you sleep, he sits on the edge of the bed, his fingers brushing aside your hair, his eyes heavy with sadness as he realizes how frail and pale you are now compared to who you were months earlier. Quietly, he pulls out the ring box, taking the ring out, and slipping it on your ring finger. It looks perfect on you, just like he had known it would.

When you wake that evening and see the ring, you start to protest, saying it’s wasted on you.

He silences you with a kiss, and once again, he reassures you that nothing he does for you is ever wasted effort. You are his only bride, and no one will ever take your place.

Time dwindles, and he watches you waste away each day, his heart heavy with remorse and anger that he is losing you before his very eyes and there is nothing that he can do to stop this. For all of his strength and glory, Caleb has never felt as weak and helpless as he does now.

He tries to fill your days with as much comfort and happiness as he could.

It was a spring afternoon when he lays in bed with you. He leans back against the headboard, your body resting against his, the cover up to your neck for warmth, but nothing felt more comforting than his own body heat against you.

He tells you stories again and as you listen to him, you wonder why his voice sounds more distant even though he is right here next to you.

Caleb watches, realizing, he has lost you, your body growing colder and unresponsive.

He breaks down crying as a warm spring breeze rustles into the room from the opened balcony door. He holds you close to him and just sobs and curses every deity in the world.

He promises in the next life, he will be a better man and give you what you deserve. In the next life, things will go right. The story of you and him will be rewritten, he swears on his life.

#x — 💌#mina-lupu #love and deepspace #love and deepspace caleb #love and deepspace x reader #caleb x reader #lads scenarios #ahhhhhhhh #YOU'RE MAKING ME OBSESSED WITH YOUR COLONEL CALEB AU #:'(((( <333333 #i'm so happy you're sharing these with me because i am having so much fun yapping with you about them 🥹🥹🥹

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