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seokjinsonlyone · 3 years ago

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so i got on tiktok for more than five minutes for the first time in like a month the other day and i saw they was doing this trend where it’s sorta like fmk but like husband, boyfriend, or sneaky link and i just wanted to add my two cents

namjoon:

this is your boyfriend

i know you may be thinking ???? boyfriend???? not husband??????????

but yes boyfriend listen we all know this man is brilliant; big brained and big bodied; cognitive skills off the charts; he knows a thing or two about a thing or two

however, he just ain’t there yet 😭 he don’t even got his license y’all gon flub on the contraceptives once or twice and next thing you know you strapping your kid into the basket of his bike so he can drop them off to school 😩

and his cooking……….. like watching this man with a knife gives me anxiety

he has a bit of growth to do but that’s why you date before getting married 🥳🥳🥳

y’all would go on the beeeest dates i’m talking museums, picnics, hikes, and yes bike rides

and like he’s just so sweet and thoughtful and he tries his very best to be gentle despite his destructive nature so it would just be so cute and fun for him to be your boyfriend

seokjin:

it goes without saying that this is your husband

to be honest ion even really need to elaborate on this one like…

he cooks; he cleans; he’s thoughtful, supportive, silly, will do anything to make you happy…

everything you could ever want and need in a man is manifested in kim seokjin

so just lemme tell you what this ^^ gif is this is like three months after you’ve given birth to your second child

he got home from work way later than expected he was tired exhausted really but still helped you with your new baby taking turns tending to them on and off all night

you had just gotten into a really good sleep when your alarm went off signaling it was time to get child number 1 up and ready for school

you groaned sitting up but before you could even get out of bed he was wiping the sleep from his eyes and telling you he was going to take care of it

“but you got off late last night and you helped me too”

he reassured you that it was fine and that he had it he knew how hard you worked all day everyday and you never got the opportunity to clock out

it was his day off anyway so he kissed your forehead and told you to get back to sleep

which was a bit easier said than done bc those two were like bulls in a china cabinet there was whining and scuttling all around a few disagreements on which outfit your child should wear and what they should eat for breakfast

but soon enough you looked out the window and saw jin adjusting his shorts and a few seconds later your child bobbling out after him backpack a little too big for their body before they walked hand in hand to the car

that’s… what that is… that’s your husband

and when i say your i mean mine that’s my husband

you can keep scrolling 😗✌️

yoongi:

husband <33333

like jin this man is the total package

he cooks, cleans, is loving and supportive, will take care of you emotionally, and on top of that he’s handy! extensive knowledge about interior design!

like if you want some pictures hanged or a shelf built or something this is the man for you

your lil bob the builder <3

like idk what it is with this man but something about him is just so soft and makes me want to love and be loved by him

like if this is not your husband this is your long term boyfriend you are dating him for no less than five years and when you part way you ain’t gon know how to live without him

so don’t leave

bring the documents he already said so

hoseok:

boyfriend 100%

hobi just seems so partnerable

i look at him and i see movie nights and pillow talk

i see cuddles and late night facetime calls

your own personal hope on the streets when he wants to loosen up or practice or relieve stress😩

you go to a restaurant and each pick a dish and share it with each other like he’s very much giving one milkshake 2 straws

or you two cook together side by side he’s chopping vegetables and cleaning while you’re sautéing and stir frying and what not

you go shopping with him and critique his outfits when he tries them on and vice versa

i don’t even know man i just see hobi and i think he’s flawless i want to give him the world

and i think about that time when he said one of his personal goals was to become special to someone 😭😭😭

so like girl get your boyfriend and just give him all the love he’s searching for all the love he deserves

jimin:

….sneaky link

look at him smh caught in 4k sending a “you up?” text at the tender hour of 3am

idk what to tell ya man he just ain’t bout it rn

he ain’t looking for nothing but fun

atm it’s just him and his bros

every once in a while he’ll go searching for a connection for a night or two

there may be a few repeat offenders a string of flings if you will but never anything serious

i can see it in his eyes everyone can really bc he flirts with every living and nonliving thing in sight

taehyung:

husband

now you may be thinking… is he not on par with namjoon when it comes to practical skills???

and like yes perhaps but he definitely is not as much as a liability

like i think i can trust him to open a packet of barbecue sauce without risk of ruining my outfit and like i know i wouldn’t fear for my life if he was slicing a hard boiled egg

which is not to say that i wouldn’t mind getting stabbed by joon there are certainly worse ways to go but that’s not what we’re talking about

what we’re talking about is tae and how i just know with him you’d be safe physically mentally and emotionally 🥺🥺🥺

and idk if it’s bc i done seen him in slacks one too many times but something about him just screams commitment

like he’s giving 401k he’s giving life insurance he’s giving condo in florida where you spend the winter bc your bones get too cold where you normally live

but you know what he’s also giving passion like you will 100% spend the rest of your life in love with this man

like in that picture it’s giving you’ve been married for three years it’s wednesday and he’s off so he asked you on a date

it’s taking you longer than anticipated to get ready you wanted to look pretty for him bc truthfully you don’t get to go on dates often as much as he’d like to

your hair and makeup is finally done so you find him and tell him you’re almost done and you’ll be out as soon as you slip on your outfit

he lazily turns his head to you and tells you to take your time there’s no rush and he’s just looking at you with absolute hearts in his eyes

you’re not even fully ready and there’s hearts in his eyes 😭 it makes your heart race and you can’t keep the smile off your face as you get ready for your date, for the rest of your life together with him

jungkook:

i know y’all gon hate to hear this one but… sneaky link

^^ that may be your boyfriend but you ain’t his girlfriend 😭

that is the face of someone you called and told that you wanted to stop messing around bc you was getting attached but he convinced you that it didn’t have to be all that and acted cute until you changed your mind

listen this man is in his prime he ain’t tryna settle down

the moment you try to commit is the moment he jumps out the window

and this is not to say that he’s not a good boy but like i’ve known jungkooks i’ve been friends with jungkooks and the second you try to take things farther than what they want that’s when they stomp all over your heart

however i do firmly believe that jungkook ain’t like them others he’s more than a good boy he’s the best boy

and if he like idk heard bells when you walked by or was pulled by the red string of fate or like felt the yearning or whatever it is that he done conjured up in his head he’d be everything and more 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

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asset35-maya · 3 years ago

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Hi, uhm... 👉👈 ...I don't know if this is an odd request and if you take requests atm at all, so it's totally fine if you say no to this. I'm pretty...fascinated *coughs* by @elisa897 latest Kinktober piece "Voyeurism". Is there any chance you could write a little something based on this piece? Sincerly, a not-needy-at-all admirer of your writing :P .

VOYEURISM

Based on art by the amazingly talented @elisa897 ; NSFW under the cut

Nines was learning. Day by day. Hour to hour. Minute to minute. His sensors kept perceiving and his processors kept ticking. Calculating. Computing. Learning.

He learnt some things from humans, others from androids. Good things and bad things. Emotions and desires. Love… and most recently, lust.

Nines loved learning. Often by observation. The thirst for knowledge was his first form of motivation. And all the reason he needed for continuing to stand and listen… right outside his work partner’s door… when it was absolutely clear that whatever was going on inside… had nothing to do with work.

Gavin said he was going to bed. There had been no activity visible for days in the house they were supposed to be watching. Gavin said he’d take over the stakeout duty from Nines in the morning. Gavin said goodnight.

Nines had no reason to follow him upstairs… other than research purposes… which were very important for any freshly deviant android wishing to integrate into modern society!

He paused at the edge of the sliding door, listening intently. A rustle of fabric told him that Gavin had stripped off his sweatpants. A slight creak told him that Gavin had sat on the bed. A low rumble told him that the bedside drawer had slid open. Then there was a squirt and the click of a small bottle being shut. Followed by a squelch… and a soft moan.

Nines’ artificial breath hitched in his throat. A thousand and one things went through his mind, and arrived at exactly one conclusion.

Gavin was touching himself.

He should go. Turn around and walk back down the stairs. Sit on the chair facing the window, and peer through the crack in the curtains at the suspect’s darkened house.

That was what logic stated.

But as Nines was starting to discover, the very act of being alive often contradicted logic.

Nines stayed frozen outside Gavin’s door.

The human’s breathing grew harsher. He exhaled in short bursts that sped up in time with the sound of flesh on flesh.

Involuntarily, Nines’ thirium pump began to beat faster. A rush of blue blood went to the lower half of his body and pooled in his groin. Then his preconstruction software went into overdrive, and a series of blue outlines appeared in the frame of his vision.

Gavin splayed out regally against the pillows. Gavin sitting on the very edge of the mattress with his legs wide apart. Gavin leaning casually against the headboard with his ankles crossed and his cock in hand. Gavin Gavin Gavin.

Nines steadied himself as his processors churned out a mad set of questions. How big? How small? Cut? Uncut? Veiny shaft? Thick shaft? Shaved or trimmed? Long or short strokes? Deep or shallow thrusts?

How much would fit in my mouth? In my hands? In my ass? Would he kiss me? Would he bite me? Pull my hair then hold my hands while he fucks me?

Nines bit his lip, then threw his head back in a silent scream. An ethical debate raged in his mind while the front of his own trousers became tented. To look or not to look? To scan or not to scan?

Fuck it. If there was an android hell, he was definitely going, so might as well enjoy the ride. He turned on his electromagnetic scanners and looked right through the frosted glass door.

The sight that met him was truly one to behold.

Gavin was in the middle of the bed, one hand twisted in the sheets and the other speeding along his beautiful thick shaft. His back arched and his face contorted in ecstasy. His lips were moving too. He was whispering something… earnestly.

Nines enabled his lip reading software.

“Come on, baby boy, don’t be so stoic. Tell me that feels good. Tell me you feel real.”

Nines’ hand slipped into his pants and curled around his own length.

“You’re so good all the time… So good, so helpful… So kind, so sweet…

I want you to feel good too, baby… Hmm? Tell me that feels gooood… Tell me! You feel amazing on my cock, baby. Ohhh… Your body is gold… pure sex, baby… I want you forever…”

Nines couldn’t stop himself from reaching out with his free hand and sliding the door partially open. Gavin noticed nothing. His eyes were clamped shut and his wrist jerked faster as he approached his climax.

“You sweet thing. You feel so good. Ohhhh… oh! Hhhh… phcking hell… ssss… that feels good! Good… good boy…”

All thoughts left Nines. His eyes glazed over and his mouth hung open. He braced one hand on the wall and jerked himself off like an uncivilised brute rather than the most advanced android ever built.

“Ohh baby how you doing? Tell me you’re feeling fineeee… My slut. My treasure. My angel baby…

Nines!”

The android froze as Gavin swept his arm up and down in one lengthy, decisive stroke and came. Hard.

Thick streams spurted onto the floor and Gavin braced both hands behind him on the bed. He faced the ceiling but his eyes remained tightly shut. His ample chest heaved.

“Phck me...”

Nines tucked himself back into his pants at lightning speed and nearly managed to slide the door shut, when he heard the words repeated. Not in a whisper… but fully audible, clear syllables.

@timebird84 I’m always open to requests, especially if they’re as spicy as this one.

#g9kinktober #kinktober #reed900 #rk900 #gavin reed #dbh gavin #gavin900 #dbh rk900 #dbh nines #dbh #gavin x rk900 #gavin x nines #dbh writing #my writing #inspired by art

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oliviaischillin1204 · 4 years ago

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Any chance of you torturing Logan in your ler mood?

mayhaps :3

Pairings: Platonic LAMP

Word Count: 1,827 words

listen there’s some self deprecation happening in my brain atm but we’re gonna ignore that one folks cuz i’m not dealing with that today. have a fic instead.

“You’re in quite the predicament. How about you logic yourself out of this, hm?”

Roman’s voice was low and dangerous, and Logan bit his lip to stay silent. He was in so much trouble.

“We all noticed the way you’ve been acting all touchy-feely with us today,” Roman continued, his fingers just barely tracing over Logan’s exposed armpits. He twitched on instinct, but his forearms were snugly pinned between Roman’s chest and the arm of the couch, keeping him trapped and exposed.

“All because you were just so desperate for someone to give you teeny little pokies in your armpits, or scritchy-scratch all over your tum-tum, or to wiggle our fingers all over those sweet little toesies. It took a lot to resist just pinning you down and tickle-tickle-tickling you all day long, but we wanted to make you wait. Because now–”

Roman leaned closer to Logan’s ear, breath warm as he practically purred, “it’s gonna feel so much worse.”

Logan whined softly, his ears heating up at the small noise. His blush only continued to spread as he heard Patton’s giggling coming from the other end of the couch.

“Oh, Roman’s being super teasy today! Look, he’s making Logan scrunch his toes!”

Patton gestured, and to Logan embarrassment his toes were indeed scrunched as tight as he could make them. He hadn’t even realized he was doing it.

Patton made an awwing sound, a few finger coming to lightly scratch underneath his toe line. “Better uncurl those little piggies, cutiepants!”

Logan made a small squeak as he struggled to fight off Patton’s gentle tickles. Roman chuckled darkly in his ear.

“Those restraints were a great idea, huh, Logi Bear? They’re a little stretchy, so you can actually pull your feet away from Patton’s fingers. Go ahead, try it!” he continued at Logan’s hesitation. After a moment, he pulled his knees up to his chest, and found with some surprise that he was able to pull his feet away with relatively little resistance. He looked up at Roman, who gave him a sharp smile.

“See, you can get away!” he said, voice full of innocence. The sweetness of his words turned sickly, however, as he continued, “For a little while. But we’re gonna be tickling you for a very, very long time, and you need to keep your strength up to keep pulling your feet back.”

Logan realized with a start that Roman was right: already his legs were slightly shaking with the effort to pull his feet back in the elastic restraints. His eyes widened, and suddenly Virgil was laughing quietly, the first time he’d made a noise since Logan first laid down on his lap.

“Can you imagine how hard that’ll be when we start tickling you for real?” he asked, and abruptly squeezed one of Logan’s knees. A short yell of shock escaped the logical side, but he quickly clamped his mouth shut, his chest heaving with contained laughter.

Virgil rased an eyebrow. “Wow, you’re still trying not to laugh? That’s cute. Stupid, but cute.”

He brought his other hand up to squeeze at Logan’s other knee, and Logan’s body couldn’t help jolting at the sensations.

“See, it’s all about core strength,” Roman continued, like nothing was happening. “You can pull against the elastic by engaging your core muscles, but what happens when those core muscles are under attack by– oh, I don’t know, Virgil?”

Virgil grinned, predatory and sly. “On it.”

With that, he shot both hands down to Logan’s belly, scribbling and spidering all over the taut skin. Logan gasped, arching his back instinctively, but all that did was thrust his torso towards Virgil’s tickly fingers.

“Tickle tickle tickle, little Logi Bear,” Virgil cooed, and dammit why did hearing those words in his low voice make Logan want to curl up and die. “It’s either pit and tummy tickles or tootsie tickles. Your choice.”

“N- neither,” Logan spat, dangerously close to letting a stray giggle slip out. He would not laugh. He would not laugh. He–

Virgil vibrated all ten fingers deep into Logan’s stomach, and the logical side burst into helpless laughter.

“There it is!” Patton cheered, clapping at the display happening in front of him. “There’s that little Logan laughter! Oh, look how cute he is, all blushy and giggly!”

“Sh– shut up!” Logan managed, turning his head in a weak attempt to hide his burning face in his upper arm. He jumped in surpirse as he felt Roman’s fingers finally press into his exposed armpits, wiggling into his pits and making his laughter jump up a notch.

“No hiding, Logi Bear,” he teased. “We wanna see that perfect smile! You’re already laughing so hard, it’s so cute. How are your legs feeling?”

Logan couldn’t answer, but there was a growing ball of anticipation in his tummy as he realized his feet were slowly being pulled back towards Patton by the elastic restraints. He tried to pull them back towards himself, but he was already growing weak from the others’ tickles.

Paton giggled and wiggled his fingers in the direction of Logan’s approaching feet. “Someone’s gonna get their toesies tickled! Your little piggies are gonna get some ticky-tickles, Logan!”

“Nohoho!” Logan weakly protested, but his words fell off into more laughter as Virgil began methodically scribbling his fingers all over his stomach, from top to bottom and side to side.

“Shh, I know. I know it tickles, but you’re just gonna have to deal with it. Don’t bother begging, because we all know you’re lying. You want the tickles, and we’re gonna give ‘em to you. Just laugh for us, L.”

Virgil continued making incessant shushing noises as he raked his fingers across Logan’s stomach, over and over and over again. As if the logical side could in any way silence the frantic giggles pouring out of him.

“Plehehe– plehehease!” he begged, weakly trying to pull his legs back up to his chest, but all Virgil had to do was dig his thumbs into the stretch of tummy just above his hips, and Logan’s strength gave out.

“Got ‘em!” Patton said triumphantly. True to their word, both Virgil and Roman stopped their hands, letting all of Logan’s attention go to the feeling of Patton’s fingers ghosting over his feet.

“So now, when I do this…”

Patton quickly scribbled his fingers down Logan’s soles, and the logical side squealed loudly. He tugged at his ankles, but he could no longer muster the strength to pull away from the tickles.

“Uh oh!” Patton cooed sweetly, picking up the pace as he focused his attention on the balls of Logan’s feet. “Is Logi Bear a little too giggly to pull these tootsies away? Huh? I bet that makes the tickles feel so much more tickly, huh, Logi? Oh, if you only you weren’t so ticklish!” he finished in a faux-sympathetic voice.

His fingers congregated on Logan’s toes, and the logical side’s laughter nearly turned to screams as his feeling of total helplessness increased.

Patton only laughed at Logan’s frantic state. “Aw, poor little Lo-Lo. Maybe some more tickly-tickles will cheer you up!”

He nodded to Virgil and Roman, and after a few moments they too began amping up their tickles again: Virgil wiggled one delicate finger into his bellybutton while the others spidered up and down his belly, and Roman began playing two-fingered hopscotch in each of Logan’s pits.

“Nahahaha– nahahaha–” Logan laughed, throwing himself so far to the side he almost feel onto the fllor. Virgil paused his tickling for a brief moment to hoist him firmly back onto his lap.

“You trying to escape, L?” he asked, targeting Logan’s tummy with a renewed vigor. “Huh? Logan’s trying to wiggle away?”

Patton gasped in delight. “Oh, he’s just like a little worm now! Wiggle wiggle wiggle, little wormy!”

A choked sound escaped from Logan’s mouth as Virgil, evil Virgil, began squeezing Logan’s hips in time with Patton’s words, making him writhe in place in a similar manner to a worm. Roman joined in, reaching down to spider his fingers over Logan’s upper ribs and making his upper body lean to and fro.

“Wormy Logi! Squirmy wormy Logi!” Roman chanted, leaning down to ghost his breath over Logan’s ear. “Such a cutie patootie little worm. Aren’t you, Logi?”

He coupled the tease with tasering his fingers into Logan’s top rib, and Logan shrieked, his body going completely straight and stiff before falling limp against his captors.

“Ahahahahahaha! Nahahahahaha! I cahahaha–”

His words dissolved into unintelligible babbling as he laid completely still, aside from a few small twitches and wiggles.

Virgil gave him a few more pinches to his hipbones before pulling back his hands, gesturing for the others to do the same.

“Green?” he asked, summoning a water bottle with a straw and letting Logan drink.

Logan panted heavily after drinking, unable to even muster the strength to lift his head from the pillow. He nodded weakly.

Roman gently rubbed Logan’s upperarms without tickling, soothing away any potential aches. “Had enough?”

A beat, and then Logan’s head lolled from side to side in a tired shake.

Patton raised his eyebrows. “You sure, honey? That was a lot, and you seem really tired. We can stop for now–”

“No!” Logan interjected, face going slightly pink at his intensity. He floundered for a minute under their gazes before he sighed agan, embarrassed.

“The whole… ‘too weak to move’ thing,” he mumbled, not making eye contact. “I kind of… I kind of like it.”

There was silence for a few seconds, and then Virgil, surprisingly, spoke first.

“Have we been going too easy on you?”

Logan froze at the tone of Virgil’s voice. He peeked up at him, and found the emo side smirking at him quite threateningly.

“Because,” he continued slowly, “if you really want us to keep tickling all of your special little spots until you’re so tired you can’t even try to get away anymore…”

His fingers began slowly akimming over Logan’s belly again, and the logical side whined in anticipation as he felt his laughter bubbling up again.

“… We can definitely do that,” Virgil finished. Roman and Patton looked to Logan, their hands hovering over his tickle spots expectantly.

Logan could feel himself blushing again, but he knew they wouldn’t start again unless he said so. Unless he asked.

So he asked.

“Please?”

Immediately Roman was leaning over the arm of the couch to raspberry his neck while scratching his fingers all over his pits; Virgil switched to massaging deep into Logan’s tummy with one hand and plucking his ribs like a piano with the other; and Patton seemed to be playing a game with himself in which he tested how long he could tickle in between Logan’s toes before his feet jerked back on reflex.

“Aw, Logan,” Roman murmured, leaning down to nuzzle his ear as Logan laughed and laughed and laughed. “We’re gonna have so much fun with you.”

#Anonymous #asks #my posts #my writing #tickling #tickle fic #tickle community #sanders sides tickling #prompt #(not really but for tagging purposes that's what i'm putting lol)#lee!logan #ler!roman #ler!patton #ler!virgil #i have literally no idea if read mores work with asks so apologies if this looks whack akdhsj

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nishinoya-is-baby · 4 years ago

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hellooo:) i’m here for your matchup thingy! ok so, my fav flowers are pink daisies, my 2 fav songs atm are 20 min by lil uzi and location by playboi carti, i go by she/her, i would like a boy romantic matchup, and my two faves (can’t choose just one LMAO) are iwa and suna! they’re so underrated i love them

(omg! i totally forgot to say, platonically, my fav character is tanaka and iwa and suna are romantically<3)

🪴Hi! Thank you for requesting!🪴

🌼Bouquet requests🌼

🌷Bouquet #7701 can be found below!🌷

🌺Pink daisy; Gentle🌺

🌸I ship you with: Nishinoya Yū! This is because the song immediately made my mind go to him. He would totally listen to songs like that, and would have a playlist dedicated to “Tiktok” songs. His vibe is immaculate. He would be screaming songs while dancing all crazy. While he can be a lil much, he can also be calm and collected when he needs to. It’s the best of both worlds! I feel like he’d be decent at slow dancing, too, so if congrats if you’re into that! He’s definitely the person to go to for a fun time!🌸

🌻Platonic! Tanaka Ryūnosuke x Fem!Reader

“Y/nnnnn,” Tanaka whined. “What?” “I don’t wanna do this anymoreeeee,” “Well too bad. You’re the one that asked me to help you, so here I am. Besides, you know you’ll be a lot more upset if you miss this tournament.” Tanaka just huffed at your words. He knew you were right, as per usual. He had both a tournament and finals coming up, so he came to you, his best friend, for help. He had been complaining for the past 5 minutes about how he was tired and his head hurt, but you knew he could do a little more. “Just finish these last 20 practice problems and we can stop for today,” you said, knowing if you pushed him too hard he would break. He groaned, but still got to work nonetheless. After about 40 minutes, he finished. There was a slight droop to his eyelids as he slid his papers towards you. You smiled and gave him a firm side hug. “I’m proud of you, Tana,” you said. He beamed at your words and shot up, “We should order pizza!” “I already did.” “All meat, right?” “Yep.” He smiled and flopped down on his bed, groaning when his back popped from slouching too much. You found his remote and turned on a movie that you both liked. You layed down next to him and tracked your pizza, his eyes wandering to your phone. When the door rang, you went and grabbed the food and brought it to his room. You two ate on the floor to prevent crumbs getting on his bed, but when you were done he pulled you back up onto it. “You’re like the sister I never had, Y/n.” “Hey, I heard that!” You two giggled at Saeko’s yelling from her room. Rather than yelling, you texted her, asking if she wanted to come watch a movie with the two of you. In a few minutes, she bursted into the room with her blankets and pillows. You and Tanaka laughed and moved over to make room for her. 🌻

🍀Flower: Sweet Briar; Simplicity🍀

💐Song you might like: Ribs by Lorde💐

#bouquet requests #haikyuu!!#hq #hq imagines #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu tanaka #tanaka x reader #tanaka saeko #tanaka ryunosuke x reader #hq nishinoya #noya fluff

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thelittlesttimelord · 5 years ago

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The Littlest Timelord: Cracks in Time Chapter 29

TITLE: The Littlest Timelord: Cracks in Time Chapter 29 PAIRING: No Pairing RATING: T CHAPTER: 29/? SUMMARY: A little girl escapes the Time War when the Timelord’s return in “End of Time Part 2″. The newly regenerated Doctor must now raise the little girl while trying to find out why cracks in time keep following them around.

[A/N - Prepare yourselves for fluff my friends, ‘cause these next few chapters are full of it.]

The Doctor and Elise exited the TARDIS.

“No, Amy, it's definitely not the fifth moon of Cindie Colesta. I think I can see a Ryman's,” the Doctor said.

An explosion came from inside the TARDIS and threw the two of them to the ground as the TARDIS started to take off by itself.

“Amy! Amy!” the Doctor yelled.

As the Doctor stared at the spot where the TARDIS once stood, Elise looked around them.

They were on earth obviously, but where?

The Doctor stood up and brushed himself off.

What were they supposed to do now? Where would they stay? How would they get the TARDIS back? What if they never got it back?

“Hey”, the Doctor said, kneeling in front of her, “Elise, look at me”.

Elise snapped out of her thoughts and looked at his calming green eyes.

“I will get Amy and the TARDIS back. I promise. It’ll be okay”, he told her, “This will just be a daddy/daughter trip, okay?”

Elise nodded.

“Now come here”, he said.

Elise wrapped her arms around his neck and the Doctor rubbed her back to try and keep her calm.

They just needed to find somewhere to stay while he figured out what they were going to do. The first thing the Doctor did was sonic an ATM to get some money.

He smiled remembering doing the same thing after he met Donna. The Doctor looked down at Elise as he remembered the other ginger that had magically appeared in his TARDIS.

He got them something to eat and checked them into a hotel for the night. If the TARDIS didn’t appear soon, he was going to have to go shopping for some new clothes for Elise.

Elise slept curled up into the Doctor’s side that night. She missed Amy and the little blue box she called home.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next day, they wandered around the town for a while until the Doctor spotted a card sitting in the window of a shop. He picked it up and smiled, recognizing his companion’s hand writing.

They followed the directions to the house and rang the doorbell.

A man threw open the door and said, “I love you.”

The Doctor smiled. “Well, that's good, because I'm your new lodger. Do you know, this is going to be easier than I expected.” He took the fluffy pink keys from the man.

“But I only put the advert up today. I didn't put my address,” the man said.

“Well, aren't you lucky I came along? More lucky than you know. Less of a young professional, more of an ancient amateur, but frankly I'm an absolute dream.”

“Hang on a minute, mate. I don't know if I want you staying.” The man looked down at Elise. “Umm, the ad didn’t say anything about having kids”.

“Oh, well Elise is very well behaved”.

“She doesn’t cry or anything? Throw temper tantrums?”

“Oh, no. Nothing like that”.

Elise gave the man a small wave.

The man took the keys from the Doctor. “Give me back those keys. You can't have those.”

“Yes, quite right. Have some rent.” The Doctor handed the man a bag with money in it. He had of course keep some for himself and Elise, just in case they needed anything. “That's probably quite a lot, isn't it?” the Doctor asked, “Looks like a lot. Is it a lot? I can never tell.” The Doctor invited himself in and Elise followed behind him.

The lights upstairs flickered, giving Elise a bad feeling. There was something wrong about the upstairs.

“Don't spend it all on sweets, unless you like sweets,” the Doctor told him, “I like sweets. Oh!” The Doctor put his hands on the man’s shoulders and air kissed him on both cheeks. “That's how we greet each other nowadays, isn't it? I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don't know why. I call me the Doctor, too. Still don't know why. And this is Elise.”

“Craig Owens. The Doctor?”

“Yep. Who lives upstairs?”

“Just some bloke.”

“What's he look like?”

“Normal. He's very quiet.”

There was a loud crash.

“Usually.”

The Doctor entered Craig’s flat.

“Sorry, who are you again? Hello? Excuse me?”

The Doctor looked up and saw the stain on the ceiling. “Ah. I suppose that's dry rot?” he asked.

“Or damp. Or mildew.”

“Or none of the above.”

“I'll get someone to fix it.”

“No, I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor, don't call me the Rotmeister. This is the most beautiful parlor I have ever seen. You're obviously a man of impeccable taste.” The Doctor hopped up on the counter. “We can stay, Craig, can't we? Say we can.”

“You haven't even seen the room.”

“The room?”

“Your room.”

“My room? Oh, yes. My room.”

Elise tugged on his pant leg.

“Our room. Take us to our room.”

Craig led them to the room they would be staying in. “Yeah, this is Mark's old room. He owns the place. Moved out about a month ago. This uncle he'd never even heard of died and left a load of money in the will,” Craig said.

“How very convenient. This'll do just right. In fact…”

There was another loud crash from the flat above.

The Doctor touched his tongue with his index finger and tested the air. “No time to lose. I'll take it. Ah you'll want to see my credentials. There.” The Doctor pulled out his psychic paper and shower it to Craig. “National Insurance number. NHS number. References.”

“Is that a reference from the Archbishop of Canterbury?”

“I'm his special favorite. Are you hungry? I'm hungry.”

“I haven't got anything in.”

They went into the kitchen and the Doctor started raiding the fridge and cabinets. He and Craig talked as he cooked. “You've got everything I need for an omelette fines herbes, pour deux. So, who's the girl on the fridge?” the Doctor asked.

A photo of Craig and a woman sat next to a postcard with Vincent’s self-portrait.

Elise smiled sadly. She missed Vincent.

“My friend. Sophie,” Craig told him.

“Girlfriend?”

“A friend who is a girl. There's nothing going on.”

“Oh, that's completely normal. Works for me.”

“We met at work about a year ago, at the call center.”

“Oh really, a communications exchange? That could be handy.”

“Firm's going down though. The bosses are using a totally rubbish business model. I know what they should do. I got a plan all worked out. But I'm just a phone drone, I can't go running in saying I know best. Why am I telling you this? I don't even know you.”

“Well, I've got one of those faces. People never stop blurting out their plans while I'm around.”

“Right. Where's your stuff?”

“Oh, don't worry, it'll materialize. If all goes to plan.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Less than twenty minutes later, the omelets were gone and Elise was curled up in the Doctor’s lap.

“Oh, that was incredible. That was absolutely brilliant. Where did you learn to cook?” Craig asked.

“Paris, in the eighteenth century. No, hang on, that's not recent, is it? Seventeenth? No, no, no. Twentieth. Sorry, I'm not used to doing them in the right order.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you're a bit weird?”

“They never really stop. Ever been to Paris, Craig?”

“Nah. I can't see the point of Paris. I'm not much of a traveler.”

“I can tell from your sofa.”

“My sofa?”

“You're starting to look like it.”

“Thanks, mate, that's lovely. No, I like it here. I'd miss it, I'd miss…”

“Those keys.”

“What?”

“You're sort of fondling them.”

“I'm holding them.” Craig dropped them and got up.

“Right.”

“Anyway. These, these are your keys.” He picked up a key ring and held them out.

The Doctor got up with Elise in his arms. “We can stay?”

“Yeah, you're weird and you can cook and your daughter doesn’t scream her head off. It's good enough for me. Right.” Craig went through the keys. “Outdoor, front door, your door.”

“My door. My place. My gaff. Ha ha! Yes. Me with a key.”

“And listen, Mark and I, we had an arrangement where if you ever need me out of your hair, just give me a shout, okay?” Craig winked and the Doctor winked back, not understand the cue.

“Why would I want that?” the Doctor asked.

“In case you want to bring someone round. A girlfriend or, a boyfriend? Elise’s mother maybe?”

“Oh, Elise’s mother and I aren’t together, but I will. I'll shout if that happens. Yes. Something like, I was not expecting this! By the way, that. The rot. I've got the strangest feeling we shouldn't touch it.” He patted Craig on the shoulder and left the living room to put Elise to bed. He laid her down on the bed and covered her with the blanket.

Elise was out the moment her head hit the pillow. She slept more than the average Timelord, but maybe it was because she was so young.

He hoped she wouldn’t wake up while he was gone. He had some shopping to do.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next morning, Elise woke up and sat up in the bed. She panicked for a moment before she remembered where she was.

At the foot of the bed was a small backpack (covered in a galaxy pattern of course) with a note on it.

“To: Ellie. From: Dad.”

She looked in it and found new clothes. There was also a sketchbook and some colored pencils. Elise got dressed, emptied the backpack except for the art supplies, and made her way into the living room to wait for the Doctor. She walked past the bathroom where Craig was waiting outside the door.

The Doctor was singing very loudly.

Craig knocked on the door. “Doctor.”

“Hello?”

“How long are you going to be in there?”

“Oh, sorry. I like a good soak.”

A loud banging noise came from upstairs.

“What the hell was that?” Craig asked.

“What did you say?” the Doctor asked him.

“I'm just going to go upstairs. See if he's okay.”

“Sorry?” Craig left the flat.

“What did you say?” the Doctor asked, “Craig?”

Elise heard a loud thumping sound come from the bathroom and she rolled her eyes.

The Doctor came running out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and Elise followed after him.

The two of them met Craig near the stairs.

Elise rolled her eyes again when she saw the Doctor holding an electric toothbrush instead of his sonic screwdriver.

“What happened, what's going on?” the Doctor asked.

“Is that my toothbrush?” Craig asked him.

“Correct. You spoke to the man upstairs?”

“Yeah.”

“What did he look like?”

“More normal than you do at the moment, mate. What are you doing?”

“I thought you might be in trouble.”

Craig laughed. “Thanks. Well, if I ever am, you can come and save me with my toothbrush.”

A phone started ringing inside the flat.

Craig pushed past the Doctor to go and answer it.

The Doctor started to go upstairs as a blonde woman came in the front door.

“Oh! Hello,” she said, looking at the half-naked man and small child before her.

The Doctor came back down the stairs. “Ah! Hello. The Doctor.”

“Right.”

“You must be Sophie.”

The Doctor air kissed her cheeks like he had done with Craig.

Sophie looked at Elise. “And who might you be?” she asked.

“This is Elise. My daughter”. The Doctor softly smiled at her as he lovingly ran a hand over her hair.

“Daughter? Oh”.

The three of them went into the flat where Craig was talking to someone on the phone.

“No, Dom's in Malta. There's nobody around. Hang on a sec.” Craig walked up to the Doctor. “We've got a match today, pub league. We're one down if you fancy it?”

“Pub league. A drinking competition?”

“No, football. Play football.”

“Football. Football. Yes, blokes play football. I'm good at football, I think.”

“You've saved my life. I've got somebody. Yeah, all right, I'll see you down there. Hey, Soph.”

“Hey, I thought I'd come early and meet your new flat mate.”

The Doctor walked over to the fridge and grabbed a carton of milk. He looked down at Elise. “Are you hungry?” he asked her.

Elise shook her head.

“Do you play, Sophie?” the Doctor asked.

“No, Soph just stands on the sidelines. She's my mascot,” Craig said as the Doctor took a drink of the milk straight from the container.

If Amy were here, or if Elise were older, she would have smacked him for being so rude.

“I'm your mascot? Mascot?” Sophie asked, offended.

“Well, yeah, not my mascot. It's a football match. I can't take a date.”

“I didn't say I was your date.”

“Neither did I.”

There was an awkward pause, before the Doctor broke the silence. “Better get dressed.” He handed Craig his toothbrush back.

“The spare kit's just in the bottom drawer,” Craig told him.

The Doctor nodded. “Bit of a mess,” he said before slamming the door in Craig’s face.

The two adults looked down at the small child.

Elise went over to a chair and sat down while Sophie and Craig talked quietly. Elise wasn’t listening to their conversation anyway.

Humans were so odd sometimes.

#eleventh doctor fanfiction #eleventh doctor imagine #eleventh doctor #doctor who #Doctor Who fanfiction #doctor who imagine #craig owens #the lodger

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heystuckstuck · 5 years ago

Text

doll parts part one

eridan ampora x reader

part one ==> HERE

part two ==> coming soon!!! <3

YOU ==> WAKE UP

You do. You are sprawled out on your own bed, which is soft, softer than anything you’ve slept on in awhile. You are lying on your stomach, your arms crooked under your pillow to support your head. This is the way you almost always sleep. Your phone dings to the left side of your head, and you blearily shift to your side to check it. It would appear that someone is trying to get ahold of you.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trollling chumHandle [CH]

CC: )(-Ey t)(-Er-E, Y/N!

CC: )(ow ar-E you f-E-Eling today?

CH: im feeling fairly pleasant atm

CH: just woke up

CH: you?

CC: I’m FINTASTIC!!!

CC: )(-E-E )(-E-E

CH: cute

CH: glad to see youre still doing the fish pun thing

CH: why exactly do you do it?

CC: I lik-E fish

CC: SO!!!

CH: :?

CC: ar-E you coming to my party tonight?

CC: I r-E-Elly hope so!

CH: shore

CH: ;)

CC: Aww )(-E-E )( -E-E!

CC: You us-Ed a fish pun

CC: )(ow glubbing cut-E!

CH: thank you, fef

CC: And don’t fr-Et!

CC: W-E’ll have som-Ebody watch out for you!

CC: So what )(app-En-Ed last tim-E won’t )(app-En again!

CH: …

CC: I’m sorry!

CC: I shouldn’t )(av-E brought it up

CC: 38(

CH: no, that’s ok

CH: it happened

CH: it’s okay to talk about it

CC: )(ow was it?

CH: how was what?

CC: T)(-E )(ospital?

CH: it was ok

CH: im totally better

CC: I’m sure as s)(-Ell glad to )(-Ear it!

CC: Sollux and the cr-Ew will b-E t)(-Er-E to pick you up

CH: the crew?

CC: I’m not shor-E who it’ll b-E but Sollux is driving a bunch of our fri-Ends ov-Er

CC: I asked )(im to pick you up too!

CC: 38)

CH: thanks feferi

CH: youre the best

CC: I c-Ertainly try

CC: T)(-Er-E’s no way to wink at you wit)( my -Emoticon

CC: So just picture t)(at in your )(-Ead

CH: ;)

chumHandle [CH] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling chumHandle [CH]

TA: y/n

CH: sollux

TA: thii2 ii2 gonna be a really weiird que2tiion

TA: plea2e don’t get mad

TA: but

TA: would you fuck ed

CH: what why

TA: becau2e seniior year is almo2t here and iif he doe2nt lo2e hii2 viirgiiniity before hii2 biirthday ii can’t be hii2 friiend anymore

CH: what makes you so sure he’s a virgin

TA: y/n

CH: fair point

TA: ii ju2t know that you have 2ome pretty lax 2tandard2

CH: are you calling me a “2lut”

CH: is that what’s happening right now

TA: god no

TA: ii ju2t wanna get the ba2tard laiid

CH: fine, i’ll do it

TA: y/n you are a 2aiint

TA: 2eriiou2ly

TA: nobody el2e would touch that ugly fucker with a ten foot pole

CH: you and i both know that eridan isn’t ugly

CH: he’s actually quite handsome

TA: god gro22

TA: ju2t thank you

TA: you’re doiing u2 all a favor really

TA: ed fuck2 you and then he’ll 2hut hiis fuckiing iidiiot mouth about not fuckiing anythiing

CH: how many times are you gonna say fuck

TA: fuck

CH: that’s fair

CH: yeah i’ll do it

TA: cool

TA: fiinger gun2

TA: ii’ll piick you up at 6

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling chumHandle [CH]

Sollux is there for you promptly at six o’clock. You’re standing on the curb, waiting for him, when his familiarly tiny rusty red car pulls up alongside you. The music is so loud you can hear it through the closed doors and when you glance in the passenger’s side window, Aradia gestures her thumb back behind her. She must’ve called shotgun, or maybe Sollux got her first. You open the door to the backseat and clamber inside.

Karkat is on the far end, smushed into the door. He looks as disagreeable as always but he offers you a softer-than-usual smile as he adjusts his traditional black t-shirt. Eridan, in between the two of you, looks far more uncomfortable. You notice the way he is desperately trying not to look at you and in retaliation, you put a soft hand on his thigh. He looks as though he might faint, cheeks flushed and forehead beaded with sweat. He doesn’t say anything to you, but Karkat does.

“Alright, Y/N?”

Yes. Why wouldn’t you be?

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?”

Karkat shrugs although from the hunch of his shoulders, you can tell he wants to argue. Everyone knows that he’s lying. You know he’s lying. You know why everybody wants to know if you’re alright. And frankly, it’s nobody’s fucking business.

Not even if they stroked your hair and whispered soft little nothings to you all the way to the emergency room. Not even then.

As you walk into the party, you notice a tall, slim figure posed at the front of the grand entrance hall. He’s smoking a cigarette and he has sunglasses on indoors. Dave Strider. He greets your friends casually but when he gets to you he falters and peers at you over the top of his shades.

“All better, Y/N?”

“Yes, I’m totally better. I eat almonds and yogurt and soup.” He nods curtly, but you can see the tension in his face. It would be difficult to miss, as difficult to miss as those reddish brown eyes of his. You remember the last time you saw them.

You were lying on your back with the left side of your face caked in vomit. Your limbs were seizing up and you wanted to scream but it was like your voice was invisible. Dave knelt over you, eyes as wide as saucers as he begged you to stay awake, please stay awake, oh god, what did you do, why did you do this, god no, please no, no no no no no nonononononononononono.

And you put your hand on his face and said, “Hello David.” Or tried to. You’re sure that what came out was a flubbed version.

“What did you take?” He’s begging you please tell him, tell him so he can get you to the hospital and they can pump your stomach, god please.

“13 valiums and a bottle of gin.” You try to tell him that you were just trying to float and stop your misery and stop the not eating and stop stop stop stop stop. But he can’t hear you. He screams out a feeble and watery Karkat and then you’re in a car with Karkat petting you and his mouth was moving but all you could hear were sirens. You wanted to sleep more than anything but Karkat kept shoving you awake and talking to you and telling you stories and begging you don’t go to sleep, no.

So you suppose if anyone has the right to ask you if you’re okay, it’s Dave, and you’d better tell him too. So you do, but you can tell that he doesn’t fully believe you, but to your relief, he leaves it.

The music is loud. It makes your ears numb. You see Feferi but you don’t go and say hi because she’s kissing Sollux on his mouth and tracing her fingers up his arm and you know you shouldn’t interrupt, so you don’t and push your way further through Feferi’s house. The lights are all pink and blue and hazy and you can’t see through the smoke in the air and you can taste the acrid tang of cigarettes in the back of your mouth, which makes it feel like cotton. You stumble and trip over something-someone lying on a beanbag on the floor, who doesn’t try to catch you when you fall into his bony chest.

“Well hey there, little sis, how’s it motherfuckin’ hangin’?” It’s Gamzee, with his dark, splotchy face and lazy looking eyes and dopey grin. He doesn’t help you up, the idea doesn’t even seem to occur to him. His eyes are bloodshot and his left hand’s slender fingers grip a short, lit blunt, which he offers to you.

“You want a hit?” Nobody except him in your friend group smokes pot. They drink and snort crushed up pills but they don’t smoke weed. You’ve tried it before, but only a few times. You didn’t like how it stung your throat and made you cough.

“Nah, that stuff makes you hungry.” That was your least favorite thing about it. The last time you smoked pot, you’d woken up naked on John’s couch with your hands and chest smeared in food goop and no memory of how it got there. You didn’t need that again. Gamzee doesn’t seem to mind, and just takes another drag.

“It’s no problem sis, more for me.” You watch him as he puffs on it again, noting the way the slight orange glow offsets the neon lights in the room.

“Anyway, chica, long time no see. How’s it been?” You shrug and Gamzee laughs.

“That’s so motherfuckin’ righteous, sister. Seriously, be all up and motherfuckin’ careful. Don’t want anything bad happening to you or anything.” You’re dumbstruck by the fact that Gamzee of all people, slow-witted, slow-reacting, oblivious, with a brain half-ruined y marijuana knows. God, how does Gamzee know?

“I saw you, all up and covered in that puke. Shit, y’know, it fuckin’ scared me. I love you and I don’t want you to die or anything. You were shaking and crying and everyone was all just sitting there, not knowing what to up and do. It was the opposite of a miracle. But maybe the fact that you’re not dead is a miracle and whatever god exists kept you alive for us. I’m motherfuckin’ happy about that. I’d miss you if you were dead. I think everybody would, even if they pretend they wouldn’t.”

Gamzee then punctuates his profound statement with a soft belch and he gives you a watery, peaceful smile, close-lipped, with his eyes shut. You return the smile, though yours is more strained than his because god just stop fucking talking about it.You get it. You don’t really want to be dead anymore but you wish everyone would stop reminding you of it. You want to forget as much as anybody else. You never wanted everyone to see you, shaking on the floor, eyes rolled up into the back of your head with foam oozing from between your lips all over your white tanktop, staining it pink. You want to forget. You want to forget Feferi screaming and and Sollux saying, hush, hush, FF, it’s okay, and Dave’s tears dribbling onto your face and getting into your mouth. They were salty on your numb tongue.

Gamzee’s hand begins to snake down the front of his sweatpants and you decide to leave before this gets awkward. You abandon Gamzee and trip on your way to the stairs, which you clamber up, on your way to Feferi’s second story bathroom. You don’t have to go, you just want to inspect Feferi’s mom’s medicine cabinet, see if she’s gotten anything new since the last time you were here, before. Before. Before you took John’s grandmother’s pills out of the kitchen and fell on the floor and Feferi screamed and Dave cried and Karkat crooned in your ear and you felt more loved than you ever had before, which was bullshit because of course everyone loves you when you try to die.

She doesn’t have anything new, you note with mild disappointment, pocketing some old pills that haven’t been touched since the last time you were here. You read the label before hiding them. Oxytocin. Pain pills. You shove it, along with your hands into your oversized maroon jacket, and just in time too, because the door you were certain you locked opens to your right. You turn and meet an abashed-looking Tavros, his face alcohol and embarrassment-flushed.

“Oh, I didn’t realize that anybody would be in here. I just needed to, um, well, yeah, you know.” He stumbles over his words and looks flustered, so you smile at him.

“Oh, that’s alright, I was just leaving.” You grab a tiny white paper cup, designed for mouthwash and fill it with water before exiting the bathroom, brushing past Tavros’s shoulder. He closes the door and you pull out the pills and take two with the shot of water you have. You aren’t addicted to popping pills, but it is an outstanding interest of yours. You wait a few minutes and then you feel fuzzy and it’s a bit like you’re walking on the ceiling as you trample down the hallway. You walk back down the stairs on watery legs, trying admirably not to fall on your face, which you don’t.

You walk to the kitchen, where Vriska is leaning with her back and elbows resting against the counter. Terezi and John are with her and you notice them eye you suspiciously as you open up all of the cabinets and count the cans inside.

“Hungry?” John asks, voice shaking a little bit. You remember seeing him, driving the car, speeding down the freeway, pedal to the metal. He kept frantically glancing back at you, blue eyes enormous, even more so than usual. Hs too-large front teeth were worrying his bottom lip and his knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel. You know why his voice is shaking. You’re starting to get tired of this.

“No.”

“What’re you doing then?”

“Counting.”

“Okay,” he says, sounding uneasy. God, why can’t people just stop being fucking worried about you? Why does John have to quirk his perfectly arched and adorable eyebrows at you like that? Why does he have to bite his lip and why does goddamn Vriska of all people look worried about you? You know perfectly well the reason why, but you don’t care. You don’t care that they all saw you. That everyone knows. You couldn’t care less.

You exist through the backdoor in the kitchen because you need some air, jesus. You can’t stand the way they all look at you, with such pity and fear. It was a mistake and you’ll never live it down because you scared everybody shitless. You take a deep breath of untainted air and somebody sighs right after you exhale. What the hell?

“What the hell?” You glance around and huddled at your feet is Eridan, his floral short-sleeve button down too tight in the arms. He’s wearing slacks too, which is such an Eridan thing to do and you are filled with an overwhelming surge of affection toward your friend. This is all he is, your friend. Your friend that might fuck you later, according to Sollux.

You flop down next to him. He doesn’t react, just takes a long sip from his red plastic cup. It’s probably beer, which you’re sure upsets his sensitive palette but he’s actively not complaining in dramatic, emotional theatrics for once so you don’t question it.

“Hey.”

“What’re you doing out here, ‘Dan?”

“Everywhere else was full.” It’s true. All of your friends are rambunctiously partying in every corner of Feferi’s party. Except the bedrooms, you suppose. But maybe Feferi and Sollux have already made their way there, you know they will eventually and Feferi will call you tomorrow and tell you all about it. You know every detail of her sex life. She knows every detail of yours and while you are always supportive, sometimes she frowns at you and shakes her head.

“Ah.”

You’re both silent for awhile, the only sounds being of your breath and Eridan sipping his beer solemnly and yet, delicately. Feferi has a trampoline in her backyard and you haven’t jumped around and just had fun in god knows how long so you get up and offer your hand to Eridan. He accepts, although with a cocked eyebrow, and his hand still firmly in yours, you guide him to the trampoline.

“Really, Y/N? You wanna play on the goddamn trampoline? That’s fairly, just, it’s juvenile, don’t you think?”

“Yes, absolutely.” And you take off your shoes and fling your body onto the black netting and bounce a few times. Eridan hesitantly follows you.

“What if someone sees us?”

“Let them. We’re young and you’re drunk and I want to fly,” you say, leaping into the air and coming down with a spring. Eridan doesn’t jump at first, not until you grab his sleeve and tug on it and oh, Danny, I’m having so much fun, I’m flying, this is like the fucking Notebook, I’m a fucking bird, tell me I’m a bird like the Notebook. You’re laughing hysterically at yourself and Eridan is fucking giggling at you and then he starts jumping too and you dance in circles with only the soundtrack of summer cicadas to keep a melody. You grab his hands and his fingers twine with yours and suddenly he’s falling and you’re bouncing your back against the trampoline, narrowly avoiding hitting your head as Eridan lands on top of you and bounces off but only after squishing the life out of you.

You’re laughing so hard no sound is coming out and you’re gasping and so is he and you grab his hand from where he’s laying beside you.

You look up at the stars. You haven’t seen the stars in over six weeks. You missed them.

“So, how are you, Y/N? I’m sure sorry that I couldn’t come an’ visit you.” You do the best shrug you can while lying down.

“Nobody was allowed to visit me, except in the ER.”

“Still, I should’ve come. Fef went. John went.”

“They’re the only ones that did.”

“Really?” His voice is incredulous.

“Everyone texted. Until I had to go to the psych ward. Then I wasn’t allowed texts anymore.”

“Yeah, I know.”

You don’t want to be sad anymore so you change the subject.

“Eridan?”

“Hm?”

“Are you going to fuck me later?” He chokes, a loud spluttering cough, and jerks up to lay on his arm, staring down at you.

“What?!”

“Sollux told me that you were going to.”

“God, oh fuck, he told me-he-he said-he told me you didn’t know!”

“I know.”

“Well, I know that now!”

“It’s okay. If you want to, I’m okay with it.”

“Okay with what?”

“You fucking me.”

His face flared red, which was a feat in and of itself because his skin was soft brown. He looked beautiful in the starlight: his eyes, a gorgeous golden-hazel with long, dark lashes, his nose sturdy and strong, his lips fairly thick and soft and most especially the freckle he had, on the left corner of his bottom lip. His hair fell in his face, dark brown and highlighted by a thick bleached streak in the front. He wasn’t just pretty, not just beautiful, he was gorgeous. You wouldn’t mind snagging his virginity. Not one bit.

“I don’t think-I mean-well-I-I-I want to but I just think that maybe we should wait on that.”

“Okay,” you say, staring into his eyes, fighting down a pang of disappointment, “But if Sollux asks, you can say you did.”

His eyes narrow a bit and then he’s nervously looking at anything but you.

“But I wanted to know. Could you, maybe-I don’t-just-kiss me?” You smile, a full grin with teeth showing an everything.

“Yes, Eridan.”

And then you get up to your knees and pull him up to meet you and your lips are together and his lips are soft, a bit firmer than you imagined, and they’re clumsy and he accidentally clips your teeth together. You wrap an arm over his shoulder and he puts his hands at your small waist, pressing on your hips with his fingertips. You reach your other hand down and take his. You guide it over your breast and his whole body stiffens. His fingers begin to itch around and grope at the soft flesh under his hand and you slip your lips down to his neck. He makes a noise that is a cross between a purr and a croon and you push him down beneath you. The two of you break apart and he stares up at you, fingers touching his swollen bottom lip like he can’t believe what just happened. You realize suddenly that you just bagged his first kiss. You gently kiss his cheek and roll off of his abdomen.

When you wake up in the morning, you’re inside on the couch with Eridan spooned up behind you. A shirtless Equius lays across the floor with Nepeta’s head on his belly. Terezi’s legs are sprawled across her chest. Everyone else is still asleep but you can feel Eridan start to stir behind you. He nuzzles into the crook of your neck and mumbles a quiet good morning into the skin.

“Morning.”

“Mm.”

“Eridan?”

“Hm?”

“Your stiffy’s digging into my back.”

“M’sorry.”

“S’okay.”

#eridan x reader #eridan ampora #homestuck #humanstuck #reader insert #fanfiction #depressed!reader #doll parts

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staliasjeronica · 6 years ago

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Riverdale 3.05 Thoughts *Spoilers*

- I’m still so pissed that Jughead brought my core 4 into this. Like, we know they’re not stupid so THANKS FOR MAKING THEM JOIN A GAME THAT HAS BEEN FUCKING KILLING PEOPLE JUGLYFUCK.

- Rob Raco is so fucking gorgeous. But I couldn’t help myself and saw spoilers so i’m mad. But i’ll rant when it comes up.

- Of course Joaquin fell... but ARCHIE THE TRUE FUCKING KING OF RIVERDALE BLOCKS HIM FROM BEING SHOT. Ya’ll really queerbaited the fuck out of us huh. Bitches.

- I can’t believe they’re actually making me agree with Betty. What the fuck lmao JUGHEAD YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SANE ONE WHO TRIES (and usually fails) TO KEEP BETTY FROM DOING STUPID SHIT.

- Oh my GOD Jughead... you guys didn’t even know the game yet. Real life “quests” aren’t a part of the game you jackass. Jesus.

- Even though Jug is going fucking crazy... why does he actually look all cute and innocent? What is this episode doing to me? Also how is his creepy, mind-controlled-like demeanor much more tolerable than how he usually acts?

- Lmao Betty is so pissed that her boyfriend isn’t doing what she wants. It’s a nice rarity to see, even though Jug is trippin. If only they would allow him to be his own person in general.

- YES VERONICA GIVE HIRAM’S BITCH ASS THE SILENT TREATMENT.

- Wow, Hiram really is a dickhead for telling this all to Veronica simply to fuck with her. Also is it just me who somehow didn’t realize he had a tattoo?

- Why do they make Veronica stupid enough to tell people what she’ll do, and allow them to thwart her plans and incriminate her? OUR QUEEN ISN’T STUPID.

- YOU’RE GOING TO FUCKING BRAND HIM? They do realize that (if he does) when he gets out of prison, people will see he was fucking branded? Like??? Are you fucking stupid? Poor Archie... good thing he’s breaking out of jail!

- I don’t know why... but i’m saying everything is Marty Mantle’s fault. Don’t ask because I DON’T KNOW IT’S JUST A FEELING.

- Josie is so fucking done with Betty. Me too! Instead of, you know, letting them know and ask their parents nicely or something Betty’s like “yeah so go investigate your parents for murder”

- “Thank you for mansplaining my business to me” WE LOVE AND STAN VERONICA.

- CHONI. WOW THEY’RE STANDING FIVE FEET AWAY FROM EACH OTHER. Oh they were so totally fucking in that tent cOME ON.

- I know I wanted screentime for my babies but this ain’t it. GIVE ME THEIR FUCKING BACKSTORIES. Jughead if they die I will literally hate you. Like, no hard passes I will legit fucking hope you die with them because that’s the only way it’ll be made up. Although Sweet Pea with a bow and arrow? Hot af bye

- BUT SWEET PEA, MY MAN, IS STILL SPITTING TRUTH. “We’re your foot-soldiers in life, we gotta be the same in the game, down in the mud taking all the risks?” Because he KNOWS that Jughead only goes to them when he needs them for that kind of shit. In the beginning before Jughead joined, it was like that, too. Jughead had to show that he was all in for the Serpents. It sucks now that Sweet Pea can’t somehow overthrow him. Sweet Pea and Toni need to rule the fucking Serpents, if it has to be a teenager.

- And I thought that this scene with Cheryl, Sweet Pea, and Fangs where when they saw the fucking Gargoyle King... are you fucking kidding me Jughead you’re so stupid. I know you’re fucked up from the game but SO ARE SWEET PEA AND FANGS BECAUSE YOU’RE THE STUPID FUCK WHO BROUGHT THEM INTO IT. Also how funny would it be if she like hit his shoulder or something. I know she’s perfect but STILL. Might bring Jughead back to reality both from the game and the show in general.

- Why do Fangs and Sweet Pea act like they’ve never seen Cheryl use her bow and arrow with deadly accuracy?

- LEAVE SWEET PEA ALONE. YOU’VE “RULED” OVER HIM AND YOU ALWAYS MAKE STUPID DECISIONS. HE HAS A RIGHT TO BE ANGRY WITH YOU. IT’S CALLED BEING HUMAN YOU FUCKING HEARTLESS, TOXIC FORSYTHE PENDLETON JONES THE THIRD.

- “Don’t defy me again” um bitch how the fuck did they defy you? They were (horribly and dangerously) practicing with the bow and arrow. Sure, they wanted to take g&g to real life but that doesn’t mean they could without their whole g&g group. Fuck off Jughead. When they’re out of this spell we need Sweet Pea to shove reality into Jughead’s face about his bitch ass ruling

- FP please see how crazy your son is. Also I thought you gave Jughead rein over the Serpents because of your sudden drinking problem. Where’s the beer bottles bitch? If you’re okay please PLEASE take the Serpents back.

- MCKELLER BITCHES. KEVIN AND JOSIE. MY BABIES.

- OH NO SHE’S GOING TO SEE ARCHIE FIGHTING. NO. NO. NO. MY POOR BABY. Lmao the part where we thought we heard Joaquin sucking Archie off was fucking ice i’m quaking. See, many are angry that Archie and Veronica are having sex in the prison but guys it makes so much sense? Like? At least when they have sex it’s not gross or toxic. They haven’t seen each other in forever, and she just found out that he’s being used as some jockey to make the prison some extra money or whatever. LEAVE VARCHIE ALONE. But what I still don’t understand is that if they’re supposed to be broken up, what could that possibly be from? They’re completely, totally in love. Bughead, I could see, but Varchie?

- Betty... did you just accuse Sierra and Tom’s marriage as a smokescreen? INSTEAD OF BEING A BITCH AND COMPLAINING THAT THEY DIDN’T GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANTED, TRY BEING ACTUALLY HAPPY FOR THEM (even though for some reason Josie is disgusted but whatever)

- REGGIE’S DAD FUCKING HIT HIM? MY POOR BABY.

- YES VERONICA BRING IN THE CALVARY.

- Ugh Jughead’s going to ruin the whole thing about the rescue mission by tying it to the game. Fuck off. But Betty is going to steal his bike... you’re going to leave him with no transportation, which is more dangerous with the gargoyle king? Betty since when did you learn how to ride a fucking motorcycle. They’re gonna force Serpent!Betty onto us aren’t they.

- NEW OT3 BITCH JOSIE/REGGIE/KEVIN

- Oh great this is the kiss scene that I get to watch and can’t enjoy because I know what happens... but imma like the kiss anyways because I’m not gonna let queerbait turn me into an even more bitter asshole than I already am.

- WAIT BITCH JOAQUIN WAS ABOUT TO CRY WHEN ARCHIE SAID HE WOULD COME BACK IF ANYTHING WENT WRONG. JOAQUIN HATES HIMSELF FOR HAVING TO DO THIS. FUCK THE WARDEN. AFTER IT HAPPENS HE LOOKS SO FUCKING SAD MY POOR BOY JOAQUIN!!!

- VEGGIE’S SO ATTRACTIVE!! But is no one really going to react to Reggie’s dad hitting him?

- This weird g&g and reality go-between is weird. But did anyone notice Sweet Pea tap Fangs’ knee in support? We love supportive boyfriends. Also the fact that his Pantera identity is being matched to Kevin’s role in the breakout is amazing. Too bad Kevin was a dick to Fangs when he was literally just trying to talk to him during the musical :)

- Wow, Mad Dog is alive. It was obvious he wasn’t killed off lmao. But also this isn’t fair? Archie was stabbed. I know this is illegal and shit but if you have a star player don’t you, you know, treat them well? I know the warden is in Hiram’s pocket (and apparently playing g&g thanks to spoilers bc i’m weak and don’t follow anything other than Riverdale atm), but come on at least make it FAIR

- It’s so weird how ALICE slays the Serpent look but Betty... not so much. Lili wore Alice’s clothes for an episode and decided “NO MORE PASTEL FOR BETTY” huh... still won’t make Betty the Serpent queen

- It’s amazing how, since VERONICA is the one who planned all of this, it’s going smoothly and actually makes sense. Thank God Jughead isn’t in his right mind or else him and Betty would be fucking this up. RAS TAKE NOTES. WE WANT MORE VERONICA PLANS, NOT STUPID, HALF-ASSED, WANNABE BUGHEAD PLANS THAT NEVER MAKE SENSE AND TAKE THE WORST POSSIBLE ROUTE

- You can tell Joaquin is fucked up because of the game. Here he is, with his Preppy (future husband, sorry Moose), and he’s not even acting like he normally would. Sure, he’s running for his life, but STILL.

- YES BRING MAD DOG WITH YOU

- KEVIN GOING AFTER JOAQUIN THAT’S LOVE BITCH

- VERONICA REALLY JUST FUCKING STOMPED ON HER FATHER FUCK YEAH BITCH

- OMG MAD DOG TRIED TO GET THROUGH THE GRATE BEFORE. THAT’S PROBABLY WHY IT’S LOCKED. Oh stfu Hiram

- BARCHIE REUNION. OMG WE’VE NEVER SEEN BETTY SMILE LIKE THIS. THAT’S LOVE BITCH. BARCHIE IS ENDGAME WE BEEN KNEW

- KEVIN IN A SERPENT JACKET. HELL YEAH. BAD FUCKING ASS.

- SWANGS AND CHONI’S SCREAMS IN VICTORY GIVE ME LIFE.

- APPARENTLY VANESSA IMPROVISED THAT KISS. I do hate how RAS hyped it up as a cute makeout or whatever but it’s literally a second long... bull SHIT.

- YASSSSSSSS ARCHIE’S BACK BITCHES

- Betty... mace? Really? THEY HAVE GUNS. Betty this is why you’re not the Serpent Queen, you don’t have the guts, or the drive. But i’ll give you props for protecting Kevin

- HI, WE WANT AN ARCHIE/TONI FRIENDSHIP

- First of all, I wanna say that the pact throwback from the parents to their children is awesome. I love it.

- Also, THIS IS WHY VERONICA SHOULD HAVE MORE SCENES. She’s doing everything that Betty tries and fails to do. Her plan wasn’t stupid, it was dangerous, yes, but they could have gone gung-ho and fucked it all up. Betty (and Jughead) are extremely impulsive, while Veronica is quick and complex, making sure it is all perfect and done. Betty would have just winged it. TELL ME AGAIN WHY BUGHEAD IS THE MAIN FOCUS OF THE SHOW WHEN VERONICA, THE TRUE QUEEN, ISN’T? LITERALLY THIS EPISODE WAS THE BEST (second place goes to the parent’s ep) BECAUSE IT HAD VERONICA STEPPING INTO HER OWN ROLL AND PLOT, AND ALSO SECONDARY CHARACTERS WERE IN IT.

Extra: wtf were Sweet Pea and Fangs going to do witht hat Pillow? Mmhmmmmmmm

Extra Extra: Reggie is next to Sweet Pea, and bc of that headcannon of them being brothers, i’m screaming bye (since we now know Marty Mantle is a little abusive bitch ass, imagine Reggie finally, completely letting go of his dislike for the Serpents and living with Sweet Pea, which would be a great introductory for Sweet Pea’s life and shit, and them bonding. IMAGINE.

LMAO I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE END OF THE EP OOPS. Well... anyways.

- HERMIONE YES BITCH. TELL THEM.

- As much as I love Varchie, she’s right. Veronica is pretty obsessed with him but I know there’s a great explanation. I don’t know if I reblogged it or liked it or just saw it, but someone talked about it in a post and it was fantastic and well-put. Hiram, however... we all know he’s obsessed with Archie for some reason. Like, yeah he wants to torture his daughter for not siding with him (because he’s an insecure bitch), but with how he was when Archie was escaping... it was more like he was obsessed with him, and it wasn’t about hurting Veronica anymore, it was all about Archie. That brings up the point that it’s probably Hiram who was the Gargoyle King because young!Hiram brought drugs to the ascension and would make sure everyone was tripping to not see him/believe sober Alice. I believe that would be too easy but how else would Hiram go down?

- Why did Hermione say “the mess you and your daughter have made” your daughter? I know that’s kind of a parent thing but like... you could have just said Veronica.

- NO DON’T FUCKING PLAY G&G... SEE BETTY THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T HIDE SHIT, AND WHY YOU’RE NOT A GOOD “LEADER” now my other babies are playing the game and can get hurt because of you!

- Wow? Betty actually caring about Jughead’s well being? Mhmm... interesting. But honestly the first thing that popped into my mind is that she wanted to be alone with Archie (even though he’s finally asleep my poor innocent precious baby)

- WARDEN NORTON YOU’RE A FUCKING PUSSY ASS BITCH. Although i’m glad you’re dead... but you still fucking suck ass

- ofc Jughead randomly happens to come upon the fucking gargoyle king.

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badgalyadi · 6 years ago

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random survery. / 474 + 560.

How’s your mood? Do you feel any different than you did earlier today? def better than it was earlier

What do you look for in a friend? Is it important that your friends have similar hobbies and interests to you? Or is it more important that you just enjoy their company? i think as long as i enjoy your company, we’re good.

Has anyone ever spread a malicious rumour about you? people have been doing this since middle school lmaooo

Are you comfortable with talking to the opposite sex, about sex? yeah, sex isn’t that deep of a topic lol.

What are your views on people who claim to have had spiritual or paranormal experiences? damn that’s crazy.

Have you ever had a friend that you were really close with, but you ended up drifting apart? Why do you think this happened? lol, life.

How much of an issue would you say peer pressure is for you? FAKE. no way ur gonna get me to do something i don’t wanna do, idc.

Would you be able to give up eating your favourite food(s), if your doctor said you had to? nope.

If you’re single, do you ever feel jealous of people who are in relationships? And if you’re in a relationship, do you ever feel jealous of people who are single? no.

What’s in your pencil case? pens, unsharpened pencils, mechanical pencils, erasers both big & small, a sharpener, a stapler, extra staples, and highlighters.

Is there anything in your room that you wouldn’t want your parents to find? maybe so.

Are you wearing anything fragranced atm? i’m wearing the fragrance i brought back from cuba. it was only $3 and it smells so good, deadass makes me it :(

Was your last illness something contagious? i had a cold, so i guess yeah.

When did you last update your Facebook profile photo? it’s been a year.

Have you ever felt confused about your sexuality? in middle school. terrible time to wanna figure that shit out but 💀

If you found out your friend was sleeping around, what would you say to him/her? nothing b/c i don’t care lmao do you.

How should someone of the opposite sex go about starting a conversation with you? it’s not that deep, just say hi.

Tell me about someone you dislike. Why do you dislike them? Do they know that you dislike them? obsessive and shady asf, can’t mind her business.

Have you ever felt so strongly for someone that you believed them to be totally irreplaceable, as if you could never be happy with anyone else? yeah, and i don’t think i’ll ever feel that way about somebody again b/c i learned u really can live without anybody whether u like it or not.

Out of all the horror films you’ve ever seen, which one scared you the most? uhhhhhh sinister or insidious idk

Who was the last person to tell you that they were disappointed in you? not airing out names. she didn’t directly say it, anyway.

If you’re an only child, do you ever wish you had some siblings? And if you have siblings, would you like any more? i always wish i had other siblings lmao i see people w theirs and be feeling sad as hell :(

Are you friends with the last person you texted? yeah.

Your last Facebook friend request - was it from someone of the opposite sex? no.

What does the eleventh text message in your inbox say? issa meme.

Has anyone ever called you easy? yeah LOL

Would you consider having a child with the last person you kissed? whommm... can’t be having a baby rn when i’m still the baby myself

Is there a cover version of any song that you like more than the original? soooo many.

Have you ever liked someone who was a player? yea lol

Do you own anything that has sequins on it? also yes.

Have you ever done anything to embarrass your parents? not on purpose but they def do shit that embarrasses me too so we’re even

Do you own a teddy bear? yethhhh

What’s the worst relationship advice anyone has ever given you? all of it. nobody ever knows what they’re talking about LMAO.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you with yourself as a person? a 6.5 lmao.

Would you ever kiss someone with facial hair? yeah. Have you ever drooled in public? nah. Do you agree that facebook is taking over the entire teenage population? ???????????? what 80 year old wrote this Have you ever met a mainstream band? no. Have you ever yelled at an electronic as if it could hear you? i get mad sometimes & be fighting random shit LMAOOOO so yes Have you ever been bitten by a dog? yeah LMAO

Would you ever shave your head? if i didn’t have to? no. Have you ever spelt your name in Alphabet Soup? no. What do you think would happen if the Earth suddenly stopped spinning? my stupid ass has no idea & i’m not boutta guess so i can be made fun of What did you want to be when you were little? probably some generic shit like a princess idk Have you ever drawn a picture with sidewalk chalk? yeah. What is the worst possible way to die? slow, painfully. Have you ever burnt yourself with a lighter? sooooooooooooooo many times. Would you ever meet someone you met online? mayhaps. What’s your favorite online game? cricket noises.. What do you think of gay/bisexual people? A1. Have you ever kissed the TV? no. Have you ever thrown your cell phone across the room? yeah, then regretted it LMAOOOOO Have you ever been hit with a ball in gym class? not often but once in hs i got sockedddddddd in the face during volleyball & thought it was on purpose so i hit her w the ball even harder and ended up getting suspended cuz i wasn’t discreet about it lmao Will you be single over winter? [brain muscles overworking themselves] what season is this Where do you wanna live when you grow up? out of miami mayhaps. Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants? pajama pants. Would you get married if you could right now? nope. Do you consider yourself spoiled? maybe so. Do you get annoyed when you see someone you don’t like? i usually just focus on other shit. Could you see yourself dropping out of high school? surprised i didn’t. Is there anyone you want to see right now? santi?! What were you doing 12 a.m. last night? fixing my living room. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? :] Are you a mean person? no, i really try not to be. What woke you up today? yesterday*, alarm clock. Have you kissed anyone whose name started with a T? probably lmaoo

Did you date anyone last summer? nah, i was minding my business, enjoying my life. Where will you be twelve hours from now? class. Do you remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed? yeth Have you ever slept on a couch with that person? also yeth Have you written a letter to a soldier? no. Ever been in a perfect relationship? lmao “perfect” How do you feel about the person who texted you last? loveeee me some them. What are you looking forward to? cricket noises.. Do you think you are an argumentative person? hhhh.. maybe.. How did you feel when you woke up today? tireddddddd asf. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? mhmmm What time did you go to sleep last night? i always go to bed late asf. i’m boutta go to bed now just to be up in two hours. What color are your eyes? brown. The last song you listened to? a veces, it’s literally on repeat. When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep? if i don’t get up, yeah. Do you believe change is always good? sometimes.

How long was your longest relationship in highschool? 3 years. Do you know who Philip DeFranco is? nah. What’s the most illegal thing you’ve EVER done? 💀 the OP responded to this with weed, i’m really screaming rn.. Where did/do you want to get married? all these questions about marriage, whew. What’s the highest level of education you’ve reached? i’m in college rn Is your last name extremely common, like Gonzalez? no, but i don’t think it’s rare either. Ever notice how most flags are red white and blue? no. Have you ever had a crush on a family member? what the fuck How old is your YOUNGEST friend? bitch.. i don’t know How old is your OLDEST friend? i don’t. know. How long should people be together before they propose? these questions are starting to make me uncomfortable lmaoo Have you had your first touch screen phone yet? that’s how you know this survey is old. Don’t you hate when parents divorce but then still argue regularly? can’t relate, hope i never do. Would you ever join the military? sike. If you could have any dog, what dog would you have? a shihpoo. Would you ever kill a bunny and make soup out of it? what the fuck x2 Do any of your friends own a ferret? no. Do you believe that Christians are better than non-Christians? no? Do boys really rock pink more than girls do? ????????????????????? Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? yerrr What’s your view on the Islam culture? hard to have an opinion on something you know nothing about. Do you know what, “C'est la vie” means? i know i’ve seen this but idk what it means Do balloons make you have a better birthday? nah; they’re loud asf too when they pop, so. Krispy kreme donuts aren’t as good as Dunkin Donuts, are they? DELETE THIS. What is your favorite song from, “Aventura?” THE SPANISH GROUP?! WAYMENT...... i don’t even know. prob something generic. yesterday i was listening to por un segundo lmao :( If you could legally assassinate any celebrity, who would it be? bro.. Do you use Twitter or Formspring? twitter. rip formspring babie love you. Why did you last cry? a few hours ago, real crybaby bad bitch hours. If you had to lose 5 lbs, how would you do it? lower my calorie intake. Is there anyone who seems to think that you are a pillow? ???????? Tell me about your BEST New Year’s Eve ever. wasn’t this one. If you HAD to change your name, what would you change it to? alejandra, idk why that name sticks with me. i just feel like i look like someone named alee & idk how that makes sense but it does to me LMAO. Lunapic editor is amazing, no? whommmm... How do YOU write, “Okay?” depends on my mood, who i’m talking to, what we’re talking about.

How old was the last person who kissed you? 28. Do you have any plans for the day after tomorrow? not that i know of. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yeah. What time did you wake up today? 7. Name something you can’t wait to do: idk. If you had to choose, would you rather be an alcoholic or a pothead? pothead. What has pissed you off today, if anything at all? cricket noises. Can you honestly say that at this point and time you’re happy with the way life is going? no lmao. Can you easily tell if someone’s fake? mmmmmmmmmmm.. depends. Is there someone you don’t ever want to be out your life? yeah. Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours? yeah. Looking back in time did you ever waste your time on a certain boy or girl? feel like most ppl have been thru this. Has anyone ever sang to you? yeah bfsjklj Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other? LMAO yeah. Coffee or alcohol? oof.. both. together. Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with C or J? yeth and yeth. Do you ever cry during movies? hell yeah w my crybaby ass Do you have any piercings? ears. Have you ever found someone you really like? my BOO. 🗣 Did you go outside for more than 30 minutes today? yeah LMAO Do you remember who you liked three months ago? was that november... idk how to do math LMAO pretty sure i liked ques by then.

#sᴜʀᴠᴇʏs /

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riverdale-jugheadjiii · 8 years ago

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Hercules (Reader X Jughead)

Request : no, my idea

warning: NONE!

A/N: man I was watching the whole movie while writing this, but because I was writing I missed majority of the movie. As a result I watched it again, haha.

but I really hope you guys like it! I absolutely love this movie till no end.BTW fun fact about me, I used the term Aromantic because I'm Aromantic. So I thought I'd tell you guys. if you don't know what romantic is, it’s: An aromantic person is someone who doesn't experience romantic attraction.

anyway, Hopefully you like this and You find no mistakes.( since I'm lazy atm to double check) and the Bold parts are the song.

Friday, my favorite day of the school week and the worst schedule of the week. The usual was going to happen, I walk with Jughead to school, have almost every class with him. Thank God because as I mentioned the schedule is terrible but I have Jughead to entertain me during every subject.

It was finally the last period of the day, history, which I don't mind because we’re learning about the Greek mythology. “Okay class I'll need you all to do a project, which will be in pairs.. you'll enjoy some movies to watch and you'll come back to class discussing the movie you've watch to the class. Now I'll be naming the groups.”our teacher informs us as she starts to look through her folder to look for the paper with the pairs .

Name after name is called and I still wait to find out. Findlay my name comes up, “(Y/N)(Y/L/N) and… Jughead Jones.”

I take a quick look at Jughead a shove him with my elbow, of course Jughead being Jughead rolls his eyes but I could swear I heard him say “ thank God.”

Casually Jughead and I wait till she comes to our table and tells us which God or Goddess we'll be talking about. “Y/N and Jughead, you'll be talking about Hercules and Megara.. I know Megara isn't a Goddess but their love story is amazing in this movie! You'll be watching Hercules the Disney movie.”

I hear Jughead groan while I'm literally bubbling with excitement! Jughead looks at me and shakes his head knowing how much I'm a sucker for Disney films. It's officially the end of the day and I'm grabbing whatever books I need from the locker.

Suddenly I feel the presence of someone. “What do you want Juggie.”

“ Y/N how do you always know when it's me? Anyway, I was wondering we could watch the movie on my laptop at my home but if you think my home is a bit too small we could do it at yours.”

“ We can watch it at yours, i prefer your house more than mine.. your place actually feels like home, but it will have to be after 6 because I have cheer practice.” I reason with him while closing my locker.

“ okay sure, and how on earth does my house that literally consists of only my bed, desk, small fridge, small bathroom seem more like home than yours? I never understood why you entered to be a Vixen.”

I laugh at his comment because I've told him over a hundred times that being a cheerleader would be good on my college application.

“Trust me little Juggie, home is where the heart is.. and your drive-in house is where my heart is. Jughead, I've told you a million times that cheerleading would look good for college.” After our discussion, Jughead and I went our separate ways.

As I headed towards the gym I end up meeting with Betty and Veronica. “ A little bird told me that you and our Beanie boy are going to work on the love story of Hercules and Megara.” Veronica speaks with a smile on her face. Of course I know who the little bird is because Kevin sits right in front of Jughead and I.

“ Veronica just say it's Kevin, besides it's just a project.” I shrug my shoulders.

“ yeah, but I heard it's about the Disney movie and the movie literally is the cutest thing ever! Besides I think it will be a good movie to actually get you to admit your love for your Juggie. I totally see you as a Megara, a damsel in distress, sarcastic, and someone who doesn't want to admit their love. Besides Jughead is in love with you, it's obvious but you just seem to ignore any affection he shows you. ”

I laugh and lower my head trying to hide my face because I know if Veronica or Betty saw my pink cheeks I'll never hear the end of it. I mumble a “whatever” and hear both of them giggle.

“Y/N! Show them how it's done again! These girls are going to to give me high blood pressure.” Cheryl shouts I nod my head and reshow the moves and Cheryl sits down.

I could feel my body aching, being the co- captain can be tiring. Especially when the Captain herself isn't helping. An hour later we are done with everything and I’m headed to Jughead's home hoping he’ll let me take a quick shower. I knock on his door and he's quick to open it for me.

“ you're on time, good job little miss perfect.” He jokes and moves to the side to allow me to enter.

“ shut up Juggie, anyway; can I take a quick shower because Cheryl decided to murder my body once again.” He nods his head and said he'll prepare the movie. I walk into the bathroom and start to shower.

I'm glad that I decided months ago to leave my shampoo, razor and body wash here because I've noticed myself from time to time staying over at Jughead's house. We kinda help each other out, in return I do Jughead's laundry,iron and fold them, make him homemade food whenever we decide not to go to pop’s and help with the cleaning at his house whenever it needs cleaning.

When I'm done with my shower I notice that Jughead left on the toilet seat cover a towel and a shirt of his. I slip on my underwear ,the extra spandex I keep with me and his shirt. I walk out the bathroom and notice that Jughead has arranged the pillows around his bed and the laptop in front of him, with the movie ready. I I take my time walking towards the bed, but since it's a small place it takes me seconds to reach there. I hop onto his bed and sit next to him as we start to play the movie.

We are now at the part when Hercules would “save” Megara and he's all googly eyes and she's being sarcastic.

“ (Y/N/N) remember when we were kids and these kids were bullying you because you were short and I came in to save you. I say our relationship is exactly like theirs.”

I hum in response “ yeah and then I said the exact same thing she said .. that my name is (Y/N) but my friends call me (Y/N/N) that's if i had any friends… I was new to Riverdale so I had no friends. Are you implying that you were all heart eyes when you saw me?”

He laughs so loud that I don't think I've ever heard him laugh that loud in my life. “ you were the most beautiful girl I have ever met at the playground, and that's why I called you by your nickname when you said that because I knew we would be friends.”

I laugh and return my attention back to the movie that was still playing. Now we reached the part when Megara starts to sing the song “ I won't say I'm in love.”

Every word that was sung I felt the exact same way, I felt like the Muses are Veronica and Betty .. After dating Reggie and what he did.. it absolutely broke my heart, and I said I would never fall in love again.. I even considered myself for 2 years as an Aromantic. But then Jughead just always made my heart warm every time we would be together.

[Meg]

No man is worth the aggravation. That's ancient history, been there, done that!

[Muses]

Who'd 'ya think you're kiddin'

He's the Earth and heaven to you

Try to keep it hidden Honey, we can see right through you

Girl, ya can't conceal it

We know how ya feel and

Who you're thinking of

I automatically think of what Betty and Veronica would always tell me..

[Meg]

No chance, no way I won't say it, no, no

I internally laugh because that's always my response whenever Betty or Veronica say I should admit my love.

[muses]

You swoon, you sigh why deny it, uh-oh

[Meg]

It's too cliche I won't say I'm in love

I thought my heart had learned its lesson

It feels so good when you start out

My head is screaming get a grip, girl

Unless you're dying to cry your heart out.

After that verse I feel my head is screaming with joy! That finally someone or a song actually understands what's it's been trying to tell me. And that thinking of Jughead in a romantic way is wrong and I shouldn't even bother.

[muses]

You keep on denying

Who you are and how you're feeling

Baby, we're not buying

Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling

Face it like a grown-up When ya gonna own up

That ya got, got, got it bad

Once again Betty and Veronica’s words just keep playing …

[Meg]

You're way off base I won't say it

Get off my case I won't say it

I feel myself now having an internal conflict That it's true .. that I'll actually never say whatever my heart is telling me.

[Muses]

Girl, don't be proud It's O.K. you're in love

The last line of the song is the line that hit my heart like a ton of bricks.

[Meg]

Oh At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love

When the song ended I feel like my heart has been warmed, that even though I'm in love with Jughead, I'll never say it out loud. By the end of the movie, Megara and Hercules are happy together after Hercules saves her. And I feel like crying at how much he loves Her after everything she did.

Officially the movie is over and I turn to Jughead to speak but Jughead had something to say. “Y/N I need to tell you something.” I could hear the doubt in his voice but ignore it and nod for him to continue.

Suddenly, I feel his right hand grabbing my side of my face and he pulls me in and kisses me. I feel like my stomach is doing flips and my heart is beating 100 miles per hour, but all I do is kiss back and letting this moment live

. When we pull away a whisper from Jughead is said “ will you be my Meg and I your Hercules?”

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azurera · 7 years ago

Text

I know you are supposted to get one in your askbox. but guess what. i dont give a shit, and i’m bored as fuck so i did them all. my memory is shit atm so i dont remember some answers to some of these. and my grammar is shit but do with it what you want. g’night ya’ll ~

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more milk, because i can always drink the extra milk, the other way around you would end up with dry cereal and thats just bleh.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? no

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? everything i can find. most unique thing is probably a 10 Gulden bill (very old dutch currency before the euro)

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? I trow as much crap in my coffee as i possible can, sugar, milk. more milk than coffee. give it to me cold, add alcohol. i dont give a shit. thea is just nice to have a little suger thats it. let me enjoy the flaver itself.

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? 9/10 times probably yeah

6: do you keep plants? since a few weeks i sometimes get flowers, so you could say i kind of own plants some times.

7: do you name your plants? i should

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? i scream into the void

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? no, because i sound terrible

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side mostly. or when im really tired my back. usually not my stomach because .. well.. boobs.

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? if i had friends.... no idea tho. i have so many jokes, my life included.

12: what's your favorite planet? PLUTO. VIVA LA PLUTO. the little rings on saturn are also nice. shit this could have been a nice opportunity to make a uranus joke..

13: what's something that made you smile today? i didnt

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? lots of pillows

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! 99% of our soular system’s mass is the sun

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? i dont know. but those swirly things are cute.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? every. colour. at. once.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. i try to stack those memories far far away.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? i dont

20: what's your favorite eye color? i dont have a favorite eye colour. but i love eyes that look like space nebulas.

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. i bought a nice leather bag on castlefest. its very usefull nice and small but it can fit more in it than you think.

22: are you a morning person? if by morning you mean still awake at 4, then yes.

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? lay my dead body to rest on my couch and cuddel with my cat

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? probably not

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? my own house? i dont really break into places.

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? i have to many shoes man..

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? the really over the top fruity onces

28: sunrise or sunset? sunset, (becouse im not a fucking morning person)

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? im thinking of to many things at once and yet nothing comes up.

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? way to many times.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. i only own black socks, becouse then you never have the problem of looking for a pair. sometimes im all for socks, i wear them even when i take of all my other clothes just becouse they are soft and then i wear them to bed and they magicaly disappear. but since i wear dresses a lot i also wear panty’s and stuff. so its not always socks.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. usually that invloves a lot of alcohol. which means that i don’t really rememeber a lot. (which is also probably for the better)

33: what's your fave pastry? pie

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i think it was a little lion called simba. and im sure its in a box somewhere.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? yes i love them. but i dont use them a lot becouse a) not many people write me letters and b) i could. write them first. but obviously im a lazy fuck.

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? i just really prefer silence right now.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i like keeping it clean, but we all know thats not happening.

38: tell us about your pet peeves! i do not know right now. i think

39: what color do you wear the most? black.....

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? the 3 things I always wear are a ring my grandma got me, a ring my mother bought for my 18 birthday that she switched her old wedding rings for. and a mjolnor necklace. I just saw so many people with one. and i really wanted to have one aswell, but not just any, so i went and looked all over this fantasy event and i’ve honestly seen every single mjolnor necklace they had, and then i picked this one.

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? the girl on the train was a nice book (the film a little less) it was just nice to have a book that i could go through quickly.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! not really

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? god its been to long...

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? i still wish for this day...

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? mmmaybe

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. i can not make one up right now. i need to have the righ feel in the right moment.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? PINAPPLE ON PIZZA, PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA, PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? death. yes.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? I only own a few CD’s, and a few LP’s the last one i think was a supernatural christmas cd thing.

50: what's an odd thing you collect? those prayer cards with the picture of the person, you get at a funeral. i have quite a lot of them, so you could say i collect them.

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? suddenly

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? i like the “you cant xx if you don’t xxx” memes. those make for some good jokes. other than that i make my own memes, fresh and local.

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? only parts... i should watch them shouldn’t i..

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? u know who u are.. im sorry..

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? i secretly moved out in a pretty dramatic way to prove my mom that i couldnt go on like that...

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when they shut the fuck up

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? i do not feel like listening to it now, thats how its making me feel.

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? im both.

59: what's your favorite myth? nice people are my favorite mythical creatures.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? im not really into poetry tho, but sometimes there is one thats just nice, discribing beaty in such a subtle way, that i like it.

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? i don’t give stupid gifts. people either get something epic from me or nothing at all. go big or go home.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? ive been drinking this strawberry/apple/ bananna juice stuff sometimes, makes me feel like i try to be healthy.

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? i keep them in an organized mess (just like my life)

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? its a lovely gradient of light blue/white/ to a bit darker blue.

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? so many people, i suck at being social.

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? ALL THE COLORS

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? sometimes its nice to stare out of the window on those days.

68: what's winter like where you live? shitty

69: what are your favorite board games? i like playing monopoly and slowly see the light dissappear from my friends eyes. or cluedo you know, murder.

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? its this one thea they have at the cinema, the pink one. the rosy stuff. its so good.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? i should note it down. but then i forget to read it. so yeah, ill mess up either way.

73: what are some of your worst habits? i tent to complain a lot, becouse i always hope it will make me feel better when there is to much going on in my head. but sometimes i just keep going, and i dont even know how bad its getting, and i probably pull myself down into some negative spiral and well then we’re fucked again.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. you fucking pancakes.

75: tell us about your pets! MY CAT IS THE MOST ADORABLE LITTLE SHIT, HE IS SO CUTE. AND LOVES CUDDLES. AND HIS FLUFFYNESS IS. i can keep going forever.

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? its getting pretty late. i should sleep.

77: pink or yellow lemonade? mmmpink?

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? i hate them.

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? im trying to think of one. but my memmory is shit atm.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? just white. makes it look bigger.

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. NEBULAS

82: are/were you good in school? soommeeetimessss

83: what's some of your favorite album art? I do like GACKT his album art tho. the costumes he wears are nice.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? i have been thinking of this design of a music G thingy that looks like a cat. its really cute. but i cant even commit to where i put a sticker let a lone where to put a tattoo.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? i have quite a lot of constantine comics, to satisfy the fact that the series quit after 1 season.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? no idea

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? stonehenge appocalpyse

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? not sure

89: are you close to your parents? *crying sounds*

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. i love all cities except the one i live in. Im such a slut for older building and architecture. old gothic churches man. oh my god.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? france, for sad stuff, and i hope to see my german potato this year <3 if i can make it...

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? SMOTHER THE FUCKER IN CHEESE.

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? just long, straight now. or either in like a clip. when its to hot to have it all down.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? i saw on my calander at internship that one collegue had his birthday today.

95: what are your plans for this weekend? convention staff meeting on saturday, looking into something for sunday..

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? *hysterical laughter*

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? no idea, leo, huffelpuf

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? in germany i think. to long ago. i love mountains, and walks, and beaches.

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. PIANO’S

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the past to kill myself. :”D absoluutly.

#blep

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hersheygrace · 8 years ago

Text

When Namjoon Watches Too Much Horror Movie

A/N: Re-posted from my AFF account hersheygrace.

This is a senseless crack that I wrote out of nowhere. I don't know how I came up with this so READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Let the hilarity and craziness ensue!!

Genre: Horror/Crack/Humor

Word Count: 4,693

Summary: Horror movies scare Namjoon in more ways than one.

Bangtan boys stare in horror as the killer approaches the bed in an agonizingly slow pace. The scary background music is making the scene creepier as the female lead hides under the bed, thinking that it is the safest place of all.

“Didn’t she know that ‘under the bed’ is one of the most idiotic places to hide from a killer?!” Jimin whispers in annoyance, as if afraid that if he speaks any louder, the killer might hear him—which is idiotic considering that they are just watching a horror film.

Hoseok, who is sitting beside him, clutches his pillow closer to his chest and whispers back, “Shut up, that’s a classic hiding place in a horror movie!”

The scary sound effects suddenly go loud at the same time the killer peeks under the bed. The female lead lets out a blood-curdling scream when the killer catches her ankle and the Bangtan boys screamed, too, like a bunch of high school girls with the exception of Yoongi and Namjoon. Yoongi was too busy sleeping (It’s a wonder he’s not disturbed by his members screaming their lungs out.) while Namjoon thinks that he’s too cool to scream.

“Oh no! He’s so going to kill her!” Taehyung says in a shaky voice as his hands go up to cover his eyes though he still can peek through the gaps between his fingers. He is curled up on the floor with a bowl of forgotten popcorn on his lap.

“Of course not,” Namjoon argues confidently, eyes still glued on the screen of their T.V. “Main characters are supposed to live until the end no matter what happens.”

They are all at the edge when the female lead kicks at the killer and made a mad dash for the door but it is jammed. Of course.

“Great!” Jin exclaims in a mixture of fright and frustration from where he sits on the floor. He is hugging his Mario plushie against his chest in a death grip. “Now the door is locked!”

“Is she dead yet, Jin hyung?” Jungkook asks in a small voice He is on the carpeted floor, too, while he holds a pillow against his face.

Jin rolls his eyes at the maknae. “Why don’t you see for yourself?”

“I’m scared!” Jungkook whimpers.

“Well, that’s the point of watching horror films, to scare yourself,” Namjoon who occupies the recliner says as a matter-of-factly.

Jungkook peeks at their leader behind his pillow. “Aren’t you even scared, hyung?”

“Nope,” he says.

Lie.

Deep inside, Namjoon is bat-shit scared but his ego, that is the size of the universe, wouldn’t let him admit that, much more let him scream like his members.

Little did he know, not screaming while watching a horror movie will do him no good, especially in his sleep.

“I can’t believe that the killer is one of her close friends!” Jimin complains over dinner after they are done watching.

“I told you it’s that guy,” Namjoon says. Half-way through the movie, he made some deductions and already knew who the killer was.

“Whatever, Mr. Genius,” Jin says with a roll of his eyes as he stuffs himself with rice.

“But the movie is really scary,” Taehyung pipes up.

“I agree,” Jungkook says. “I think I’m going to have a nightmare tonight.”

“You didn’t even watch the movie properly,” Hoseok laughs at the maknae. “You were watching your pillow the whole time!”

“I was scared alright!” Jungkook pouts.

“Okay, that’s enough maknae bullying for tonight,” Yoongi lazily reprimands the other rapper.

“You missed the movie, hyung,” Jimin says at Yoongi. “It’s good.”

“Nah, sleeping is better,” Yoongi shrugs with swag.

“I’m just curious,” Taehyung suddenly says. “If we’re in a horror film, who do you think will die first?”

“It’s you,” Jimin says without preamble making the others burst laughing.

Taehyung gives his fellow 95-liner a dirty look. “And why is that?”

“Because in a horror film, the killer takes out the weird people first,” Jimin teases.

“I am not weird!” Taehyung harrumphs with an indignant pout. “I am a normal teen who had normal education in a normal school!”

“Don’t worry, Tae,” Namjoon butts in. “Jimin will surely be next.”

“Why me?!”

“Because you got no jams.”

Another round of boisterous laughter filled the dorm.

“Then who do you think will be most likely the killer?” Jin asks no one in particular.

They stopped laughing and looked at each other.

“The most unexpected person usually turns out to be the killer, right?” Hoseok says and there is a sudden shift in the atmosphere.

“And that is…?” Jimin trails off and the members eye one another once again.

They all jump on their places when the shrill ring of the dorm phone pierced the growing silence.

“I’m on it,” Namjoon stands up to answer the phone.

“Hyung,” Jimin stops him. “What if it’s the killer?”

“Don’t answer it, hyung!” Taehyung’s eyes are wide with fear.

“Idiots!” Namjoon gives them both a good whack on the head. “You’re watching too much horror movies.”

Namjoon answers the phone and comes back after a minute.

“Who’s that, hyung?” Jungkook asks warily.

“It’s just manager-hyung,” he answers as he grabs his bowl and chopstick. “We have a free-day tomorrow since it’s my birthday.”

“Yay!” the maknae line with the addition of Hoseok cheer while Jin and Yoongi smiled with relief.

Finally, a day to spend for whatever they want to do.

“We should totally celebrate tomorrow, hyung!” Taehyung says, eyes twinkling excitedly.

“I agree!” Jungkook bounces on his seat, grinning with his adorable buck-teeth.

“Let’s throw a party like what we did on our anniversary!” Jimin suggested.

The maknae line threw him their aegyos and there’s no way he could resist that.

“Alright, alright!” Namjoon caves in.

“Nice!” Hoseok whooped.

“Since we will have a packed day tomorrow, we should all rest now,” Jin says in a motherly-aura.

“Last one on the table will wash the dishes!” Jimin announces before wolfing down the rest of his food “I’m done!”

“Me, too!” Taehyung says, raising his hands before following Jimin to their room.

“YAH!” Jin yells after them but he knows it’s futile. “At least don’t forget to wash your teeth,” he mutters resignedly. “These kids, really.”

“I think I know who is most likely to be the killer among us,” Hoseok suddenly brings up their forgotten topic earlier.

Yoongi, Jin, Namjoon and Jungkook glance at him. “And that is?” Yoongi pushes.

“This kid here,” Hoseok says as he throws an arm over the maknae’s shoulder.

Jungkook furrows his brows. “Why me, hyung?”

“Yeah, why him?” Namjoon is curious, too.

“Well, it can’t be Taehyung because he’s too 4D and childish to be a killer,” he starts explaining, “It can’t be Jimin because he got no jams to be a killer. It can’t be Yoongi-hyung because he’s too lazy to be one—no offense meant, hyung,” he says to Yoongi.

“None taken,” Yoongi lazily brushes him off.

“Jin-hyung can’t even kill a cockroach to save his life,” Hoseok continues, “While I’m the story’s hope so I can’t be the killer.”

“So, why Jungkook?” Namjoon presses on.

“Because,” Hoseok grabs Jungkook’s face. “Look at this face,” he turns the young boy’s innocent face towards the other members. “Do you expect this face to hold a huge knife and go on a killing spree?” He squishes Jungkook’s cheeks, making his lips jut out like a gold fish.

The three males shake their heads no.

“Right,” Hoseok releases Jungkook’s face, “He’s the most unexpected to be the killer among us so he can be one, you get me?”

“It doesn’t make sense but yes, I’m getting what you mean,” Yoongi nods.

“Besides, he is the Golden Maknae, so he can do almost anything,” Hoseok adds.

“Okay, I don’t know whether to take that as an insult or compliment,” Jungkook says with a small pout.

“Then what about this guy?” Jin asks as he jerks his head towards Namjoon’s direction. “With his brain, he can plot the serial killings flawlessly.”

Hoseok smirks knowingly. “That kind of brain is what the main character needs to solve the mystery.”

Namjoon awakes with someone shaking him so hard he feels like there's an earthquake.

"HYUUUNG!!!!” Jimin's high-pitched voice registers in his still sleepy brain. "Come on wake up! It's your birthday today!"

He grunts in response and then Jimin puts something on his head before something snaps at the skin of his chin. His eyes fly open at the stinging sensation but before he can even give Jimin a well-deserved smack on the head, the boy is already speeding out of the room while cackling like a mad man.

"Damn that kid," he mutters as he touches the party hat on his head and the rubber string that goes under his chin.

He goes out of their bedroom and sees some of his members sitting around their table in the middle of the dorm's small living room.

They start singing him a 'Happy Birthday' song. After that he blows the candles and his members clap happily.

"Where's Taehyung and Jungkook?" he asks as he plops down beside Jin.

"Tae is getting the gifts from our room while Jungkook is--" Jin is cut off when Jungkook appears with a kitchen knife.

"I'm here," the maknae smiles widely and says, "Happy birthday, Namjoon-hyung."

For some unknown reasons, Namjoon is kinda crept out at the sight of their maknae wielding a knife.

"Yosh, let's cut the cake now!" Hoseok cheers.

"Jimin, go fetch Taehyung," Yoongi says. "He's taking too long."

"Okay!"

A few seconds after, they hear Jimin's bloody scream. They rush to where he is and they are all shocked at the sight.

Taehyung lies on the floor on his own pool of blood with a stab on his chest.

"Holy shit!" Yoongi curses. "He's wearing my favorite shirt!"

"I knew it," Jimin says. "He will die first."

"And you’re surely next," Hoseok points out.

"Poor kid, he didn't even get to finish posting his tweet," Jin shakes his head as he peers at Taehyung's phone still clutched in his hand.

The tweet says: Being killed ATM. #feelingscared

Then there’s a selfie of him under the un-posted tweet with the masked killer behind him. The killer is wearing a phantom mask and a red hoodie.

Suddenly, the dorm phone rings. They stare at each other for a moment before they all run to the living room.

When Namjoon reaches the phone, Jimin stops him. "What if it's the killer? Don't answer it, hyung!"

"Yeah, don't answer it!" Hoseok follows up. "Answering a phone call on a horror movie is a death wish!"

"Maybe it's manager-hyung, he can help us," Namjoon reasons out. He looks at the caller I.D. but it's unknown. He still answers it anyway.

"Hello, Manger-hyung help us---"

"I'm not your hyung, Namjoon," the caller says in a distorted mechanical voice, the kind you hear in a horror movie when the caller don’t want to be recognized because he’s actually your boyfriend or girlfriend or bestfriend or close friend or whatever.

"W-who are you?!" Namjoon demands as he tries to push his fear out of his voice.

"I told you it's not manager-hyung!" Jimin says.

"You know me and I know you're scared," the caller laughed maniacally.

"I'm not scared!" he lies.

"We'll see about that," then the line went dead.

"Hyuuuuuungs!"

It is Jungkook's scream and it is coming from the kitchen.

"Jungkook?"

“When did you…get here?” Namjoon wonders but no one pays attention to his question.

The maknae looks at them with big scared eyes and shows them his phone where the Kakao Talk app is displayed. "A person named "Killer" added me on KaTalk."

"Wow, he's got no concept of secrecy and mystery," Yoongi comments sarcastically.

"What does Killer says?" Jin asks.

"He wants us to go to the practice room," Jungkook says.

"What the hell?!" Hoseok exclaims. "I thought it's our day-off today?!"

“But why?” Jimin questions, pertaining to the killer’s order.

“I don’t know,” Jungkook answers.

“We will know once we get there,” Yoongi says.

And they are off to the practice room.

The Bangtan Boys, minus Taehyung, are baffled when they find no one in the building. The hallways are eerily silent as they make their way towards the practice room.

“Okay, what now?” Hoseok says as he looks around the empty practice room.

“Aren’t there any message from the killer yet?” Namjoon turns to Jungkook who shakes his head as an answer.

“What’re we going to do now?” Jin asks no one in particular as he clutches Mario close to his chest.

“I’m going to take a nap,” Yoongi announces as he sprawls on the polished wooden floor. “Just wake me up when the killer strikes again.”

“This is soo boring,” Hoseok groans then he suddenly perks up as if an idea occurred to him. “Oh, I know!” he brings out a video cam and starts filming. “Let’s just go make a Bangtan Bomb vid while we wait for the killer’s next message.”

“Good idea!” Jimin agrees and quickly jumps next to Hoseok.

As the two boy start messing with the maknae, Namjoon is waist-deep in thought.

“What’s the matter, Namjoon?” Jin takes a sit beside the leader on the floor. They are both leaning against the mirror walls.

“I’m just thinking about the killer and how WEIRD everything is,” he mumbles. “Why do you think is he doing this?”

“I don’t know Joonie,” Jin shrugs. “You’re the genius one here. You’re even casted on Problematic Men; I’m sure you can solve whatever this is.”

Namjoon ruffles his short brown hair in frustration. “Ugh, I can’t think straight!”

“I feel you,” Jin utters then his next words are too soft for Namjoon to hear. “I can’t think straight, too, whenever I’m next to you.”

“What?” Namjoon asks. “You sayin’ something?”

Jin rolls his eyes. “I said, calm down and relax so you can think straight.”

On the other side of the room, Hoseok come up with another stupid idea.

“Hey, let’s film Yoongi-hyung while he’s sleeping!” he suggests with a snicker.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Jungkook glances at the sleeping rapper warily.

“I don’t want to risk my life,” Jimin murmurs.

“Oh come on, you, guys, are no fun!” Hoseok brushes off their worries as he starts to approach Yoongi, camera in hand.

“Haven’t you learned your lesson yet?!” Jimin hisses at him but Hoseok ignores him.

“Hoseok-hyung has a death wish,” Jungkook remarks with a resigned sigh.

The two boys watch as Hoseok hovers over Yoongi. He starts making cooing noises, muttering how cute and adorable Yoongi is while sleeping as his camera is just inches away from Yoongi’s face. It went on for almost half a minute before Yoongi’s eyes suddenly fly open.

And cute Yoongi is no more.

“Peep-peep-peep-peep, Jung Hoseok, you’re a peep-peep-peep,” Yoongi lets out a string of very colorful profanities, too colorful in fact that it has to be censored so as not to scare the readers. Then he proceeds to drag the trembling Hoseok towards the stock room before shutting the door behind him with a loud thud.

Jungkook and Jimin can only sigh as they hear Hoseok’s painful screams as Yoongi beats him to a pulp.

“That should teach you a lesson, punk,” Yoongi huffs as he dusted his hands. He goes back to his previous spot and carries on sleeping.

Hoseok came limping out of the stock room a few moments after and the way he looks like after Yoongi’s beatings is entirely up to your wild imagination.

Poor Hoseok makes a mental note on not disturbing Yoongi from his sleep ever again.

“Hyung, I need to pee,” Jungkook suddenly says. “Can you accompany me, please?”

“Sure,” Jimin smiles at the maknae.

Namjoon and Jin notice that the two younger boys are leaving the room.

“Where are you going?” Namjoon asks.

“To the restroom,” Jimin answers.

“Why?” Jin asks.

“Hyung, it’s a restroom, what do you think we’ll do there?” Jimin retaliates in a ‘duh’ tone.

“Who knows?” Jin smirks and eyes them knowingly. “You’re with your dream boy, anything can happen.”

Jimin blushes and is about to hotly protest when Jungkook starts dragging him impatiently, one hand holding onto his crotch. “Hyung, I can’t suppress this anymore!”

Namjoon stares, surprised, as Jimin and Jungkook slip out the door. “Wow, it’s surprising to see Jungkook that…aggressive towards Jimin.”

Namjoon, Namjoon, Namjoon, get your mind off the gutter.

A few minutes later, they hear Jungkook screaming for help. The Bangtan Boys rush into the restroom and find Jungkook staring at Jimin who is sprawled on the floor.

“What the—,” Hoseok’s jaw drops at the bleeding wound on Jimin’s chest.

“Someone stabbed him,” Jungkook says in a shaking voice.

Namjoon quickly rush to Jimin’s side and finds that the boy is still breathing.

“H-hyung…” Jimin rasps. “It hurts…”

“I know but try not to sleep, okay?” Namjoon tells him. “We’ll get you to the hospital.”

“It hurts…” Jimin repeats again.

“I know. You’re stabbed, what do you expect?” Namjoon says.

“No…” Jimin croaked. “My hand…it hurts.”

“Huh?” Namjoon looks at one of Jimin’s hand and finds that he is actually kneeling on it. “Oh, sorry.”

“Hyung…I can’t last much longer,” Jimin whispers. “Please, tell Kookie that I will forever be his number one fanboy.” Then his hands fall limp by his sides.

“Jimin!?” he shakes the young boy, thinking that he’s already dead.

Jimin takes a sudden deep shuddering breath. “I forgot to say,” he gasps. “Don’t…touch…my…jams.”

“Jimin!” Namjoon calls out when the boy’s eyes closes shut again. “Jimin!”

“He’s gone, Namjoon,” Jin places a hand on his shoulder and help him back to his feet.

“What’re we going to do now?” Hoseok asks, afraid.

Namjoon furrows his brows and looks around his remaining members. His eyes lands on the seemingly innocent maknae and suspicion grows inside him.

Could it be…

“Uh, guys?” Jin looks around. “Where’s Yoongi?”

“Sleeping in the practice room?” Hoseok guesses.

When they get to the practice room, Yoongi is no where to be found.

“Where the heck is Yoongi?”

“Why don’t we all separate to search for hyung?” Jungkook suggests and Namjoon narrows his eyes at that.

“Yeah,” Jin agrees. “Then let’s just message each other once we find him.”

“What if we find the killer instead?” Hoseok pipes up.

“Then do what your instinct tell you to do,” Namjoon says.

“Eat?” Jin offers which earns himself blank looks from his members. “What? I love eating.”

Namjoon pointedly ignores him and continues, “We run. Run away from the killer as fast as you can.”

Somewhere inside the building, Yoongi is walking down the halls.

“Where are those, punks?” Yoongi mutters to himself, yawning.

Earlier, he woke up and was surprised to found that he was alone in the practice room. Then he received a text message from one of his members saying that they were all on the third floor.

“What are they even doing on this floor?” he mutters again as he ruffles his hair.

He halts in his step when a figure appeared at the end of the hall. He freezes as the figure walks closer towards him and he realizes that the figure is wearing a phantom mask and red hoodie.

The killer.

His small eyes widens when the killer brings out a knife from his back. As if on cue, the overhead lights start flickering and Yoongi takes it as a signal to start running—or rather power-walking since he’s too lazy to run.

But like in the horror movies, the victim can never outrun the killer so Yoongi tripped over air out of the blue.

He fell to the ground—with swag, of course.

Still lying on the floor, he cranes his head towards the killer. “Who are you? What do you want?” he demanded with a sharp edge on his tone. “I’m pretty sure this is a conspiracy between you and the author!”

The killer responds by sticking the knife deep into his chest. He then removed his mask.

“You—,” Yoongi gasps, stares wide-eyed then drops unconscious on the floor.

Hoseok is startled at the sudden noise that echoed through the empty silent hallway. He increases up his pace as his heart beats wildly against his rib cage.

“I’m the hope, I’m the hope, I’m the hope,” he keeps on chanting to himself as he continues to search for his Yoongi-hyung.

He heard footsteps behind him and does mistake number two—he looks back.

The masked killer in red hoodie waves a hand at him like a long lost friend before lifting his other hand holding the knife.

He then curses himself for doing mistake number one—he didn’t wear his lucky underwear today.

“At least I’m not the first one who died,” he comforts himself as he runs like a horse down the hallway. “At least I had longer screen time than Taehyung and Jimin.”

He stops running when he realizes that the killer is not chasing after him anymore. He looks around frantically and his eyes catch something white.

“J-horse?” he says as he sees the rear of the small white horse that helped him win the race during the Chuseok Special of Rookie King.

The small horse rolls around the corner and Hoseok, out of pure curiosity and stupidity, followed.

And as always, curiosity kills the cat.

The moment Hoseok turns around the corner, the killer greeted him with a knife straight to his chest.

“Ugh!” Hoseok falls down the floor, sporting his derp his. “How could you use my precious J-horse into your evil plans?”

Then just like his other members, he’s gone.

Namjoon and Jin accidentally meet somewhere in the building.

“Have you received a text from them?” Namjoon asks.

Jin shakes his head ruefully. “No.”

“Damn.”

There is a sudden noise and they both turn towards it.

“It’s you!” Namjoon blurts when they see the killer stand at the end of the hallway. “How dare you kill my friends?”

Instead of answering, the killer charges towards them in top speed and Namjoon had little time to react and get out of the way.

It all happens so fast. He just feels his body being pushed out of the way and when he turns, he sees the killer burying his knife deep into Jin’s chest.

“No!”

Adrenaline rushes through Namjoon and he manages to push the killer off of Jin that sends his body crashing against the nearby wall.

“Jin-hyung,” Namjoon kneels beside Jin, “Don’t fucking die on me.”

“Nam…joon,” Jin grunts in pain. “I—I…”

“Shh,” Namjoon shushes his hyung. “I know, hyung.”

“Y-you know?” Jin gasps. “You know that…I was the one who broke the toilet door last time and…not you?”

“What?” Namjoon’s eyes go wide. “It’s you?!” he frowns. “And Yoongi-hyung nagged at me for the entire week thinking that I did it!”

“Anyway,” Jin coughs. “H-here’s Mario,” he held Mario to Namjoon. “Please…take care of him…bathe him everyday…and let him sleep with you. I’m entrusting Mario to you now…”

Then his eyes drop close.

“No!” Namjoon screams dramatically.

Something suddenly hits him on the back of his head and then everything goes black.

Namjoon stirs and when he opens his eyes, he recognizes his surroundings.

He is back at their dorm.

When he tries to move his body, he realizes that he is tied into a chair.

“What the heck?”

“Oh, I see you’re awake,” someone speaks in a slightly muffled voice.

He turns to the source of the voice and he sees the masked killer with the red hoodie.

“You!” he snarls as the killer walks around him on that Khaki boots.

Wait.

Khaki boots?

Isn’t that—

“Aren’t you scared, hyung?” the killer says before he slowly rips his mask away.

“Jungkook,” Namjoon says. “Why am I not surprised?”

“Maybe because Hoseok-hyung gave you a hint last night?” Jungkook smirks.

“Why are you doing this?” Namjoon asks in an upset tone.

“Well,” Jungkook cocks his head to the side, looking innocent but Namjoon knows he is anything but that, “First, I killed Taehyung-hyung because he’s a cheater.”

“Cheater?” Namjoon’s brows furrowed.

“Yes!” Jungkook exclaims as he throws both hands in the air, the knife glinting dangerously. “I thought VKook was real but then he goes all VHope right in front of me?! That is so not fair!” Jungkook stops in front of Namjoon. “Then I killed Jimin-hyung simply because he’s got no jams. Yoongi-hyung because he stole my latest spongebob boxers again. Then I killed Hoseok-hyung because he stole Taehyung-hyung’s first kiss. Then I killed Jin-hyung because…because…”

“Because what?”

“Actually, I don’t know, the author run out of ideas,” Jungkook shrugs.

“Then are you going to kill me, too?” Namjoon asks in a steady voice but deep inside he’s really scared out of his wits.

“Hmm,” Jungkook hums as he studies the kitchen knife in his hand. “Maybe if you’ll admit how scared you are when we watched that movie last night…maybe I’ll reconsider.”

Namjoon’s lips sets into a thin line. Never will he admit being scared. He’s too cool for that.

“I’m not scared,” he declares.

“Oh, okay,” Jungkook says. “Then I’ll kill you now.”

“W-what? W-wait, are you serious?!” Namjoon splutters in panic. “Won’t you even ask me twice or something?”

Jungkook shrugs and walks closer to him. “I thought you’re a genius, hyung?”

“Huh? What do you mean?” he asks as his heart almost leaps out of his chest as Jungkook gets closer with the knife.

“You should know by now that you are dreaming, hyung,” Jungkook then smiles widely and scarily. “Happy birthday, Namjoon-hyung.”

Namjoon screams as the knife drops down towards his chest...

“HYUUUNG!!!!” Jimin's high-pitched voice registers in his still sleepy brain. "Come on wake up! It's your birthday today!"

Namjoon grunts in response and then Jimin puts something on his head before something snaps at the skin of his chin. His eyes fly open at the stinging sensation but before he can even give Jimin a well-deserved smack on the head, the boy is already speeding out of the room while cackling like a mad man.

Suddenly, he jolts up when it occurs to him that it was all a dream.

“Fuck,” he grabs at his head. “It was just a dream!” He heaves a big relieved sigh. “I was just dreaming!”

A few moments later of just sitting on his bed and relishing the fact that everyone is safe he remembers what Jimin did to him.

"Damn that kid," he mutters as he touches the party hat on his head and the rubber string that goes under his chin.

He goes out of their bedroom and sees some of his members sitting around their table in the middle of the dorm's small living room.

He suddenly feels like déjà vu.

They start singing him a 'Happy Birthday' song. After that he blows the candles and his members clap happily.

"Where's Taehyung and Jungkook?" he asks as he plops down beside Jin. Then he frowns at himself because saying those words feels so weird that shivers run down his spine.

"Tae is getting the gifts from our room while Jungkook is--" Jin is cut off when Jungkook appears with a kitchen knife.

Namjoon’s heart stuttered at the sight.

"I'm here," the maknae smiles widely and says, "Happy birthday, Namjoon-hyung."

And that is the last straw before Namjoon screams like lunatic and runs to his room in fright.

Taehyung enters the living room with a couple of gifts on his arms and he is dumbfounded at their scared leader. The other members are mirroring his reaction, too.

“What happened?” he asks as he plops down next to Jimin.

They all shrug, clearly having no idea at all.

“Cut the cake now, Kookie!” Hoseok waves the maknae over excitedly.

Jungkook occupies the space next to Taehyung. “I think Namjoon-hyung is watching too much horror movies,” he comments as he slices the cake with the kitchen knife.

The other members can only agree with the maknae.

If you only know, Jungkook, if you only know.

#bangtanboys #bts ot7 #crack #humor #jungkook #taehyung #namjoon #hoseok #yoongi #jin #jimin #horror

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theliterateape · 5 years ago

Text

Hope Idiotic | Part 37

By David Himmel

Hope Idiotic is a serialized novel. Catch each new part every week on Monday and Thursday.

OUTSIDE OF THE CONDO, he called Mark.

“You around?”

“Yeah, just eating a pizza and watching some documentary about some guy eating nothing but McDonald’s for a year. What’s up?”

“I’m coming over. Just walked out of Michelle’s place for good.”

“Great.”

Lou drove straight down Ashland Avenue to Mark’s Bucktown apartment running only one red light.

“You okay?” Mark asked.

“Nope. But it has nothing to do with her. Come on, we’re going to a bar. ”

“What bar?”

“Any bar. Closest one.”

Mark’s choice was only a block from his place. It used to be the usual spot for tired drunks, union guys and neighborhood folk in need of a shot and a beer. Recently, however, it was bought by two spoiled twenty-somethings using mom and dad’s money. Following the trend of irony being cool, the new owners turned the old dive bar into a new dive bar.

They rebranded Zigler’s Tavern as Zigler’s Dive Bar. There was a bit of media frenzy around it, thanks to the culture-shallow editors at The ChiEye and style-obsessed producers of local news. The things that make a bar a dive are not supposed to be the things that are celebrated as a way to attract new clientele. But because of the rotting wood bar, torn bar stools, slanted pool table with a missing 2-ball and a CD-spinning jukebox, Zigler’s was the latest and greatest dump in town. The new owners brought in a chef who not ironically referred to himself as a “tastemaker” to rebirth the long-unused kitchen turning it into a destination for what one reporter called, “must-have bar-and-grill chic.” It was gentrification for alcoholics. Zigler’s was no longer a familiar and charming neighborhood dump, having become a place for other trendy twenty- and thirty-something go-hards to flock south to and pat themselves on the back for slumming it at a bar that charged six bucks for a can of ordinary beer. All this style over substance and jacked-up prices, when what so many people really needed at that time was a quiet place to hide from the crumbling economy and drink their fears away, if only for a few hours. The new Zigler’s was an insult to the hard worker down on his or her luck.

Lou and Mark shuffled their way around a line of people, and Lou pulled open the door. A large bouncer pushed it shut in their faces.

“Line forms out there,” the bouncer said.

They turned and looked. “There’s a line? For what?” Mark asked.

“To get in,” the bouncer said.

Mark looked through the window next to the door. “But there’s plenty of space in there. There are even empty seats at the bar. What gives?”

“Line forms back there,” the bouncer said again with even more authority.

“What the fuck…” Mark said.

“You ever been to this place?” Lou asked him.

“Yeah, maybe a year ago or so. Came here with some girl. Place was a total shithole. I don’t get it.”

“Fuck it. Let’s go somewhere else.”

“No. I want to see what all this is about.”

They waited in line another twenty minutes before finally reaching the door and the bouncer again.

“IDs,” the bouncer demanded.

“You’re new here, huh?” Mark said. “When did you start?”

The bouncer looked over the IDs then at the guys before handing the cards back and giving them the okay to enter by grunting, “Have a nice night.” They secured seats at the bar and ordered Miller Lites and shots of Jameson.

“Well, I have to say, although I’m not happy with this bouncer or these new prices, the girls in this place are far better-looking than before.”

“I’m not taking that shot,” Lou said.

“Shut up. You just broke up with your girlfriend. You deserve a shot.”

“I can’t do shots. You know that. My body won’t allow it. I’ll puke it up instantly.”

“You drink scotch and bourbon neat all the time. It’s the same thing.”

“I sip those.”

“I’ve seen you drink, Lou, you don’t sip. Come on. Sláinte!”

Mark gulped the whiskey down. Lou drank his slower and a moment later, spit up a mouthful of puke onto the floor.

“Jesus!” Mark said.

“I told you.”

Mark looked around. “You done? You’re lucky no one saw that.”

“I’m a professional puker. I can puke in public without ever getting noticed. Phantom puker.”

“We’re going to change that.” Mark ordered another round of shots.

After a couple hours of drinking beer and whiskey shots—with only the occasional vomit from Lou—and striking out with several of the pretty and prissy girls finding the broken pool table ever so charming, Lou and Mark decided to call it a night. Plus, Lou was barely keeping his faculties in check. If the adrenaline from the break-up hadn’t been at full throttle, he’d have passed out long ago.

“How much cash do you have on you?” he asked Mark as they walked back to the apartment.

“I dunno. Twenty, thirty bucks, why?”

“We’re going to an ATM. We’re buying whores.

“Shut up.”

“There, that 7-11. Let’s go there and get cash.”

“Dude, we’re not getting whores. There are no hookers in Chicago.”

“Gimme your iPhone.” Lou searched Chicago Escort Service, which resulted in a list of agencies and phone numbers. He pointed his find to Mark, then dialed the first hit. “Hello, I’d like to purchase an escort—no, two escorts for this evening. Yes, right away. An apartment in Bucktown. How about brunette and athletic. Yes, both of them, thank you. We can pay cash. How much? No problem. The address is—Hey, what’s your address?”

Mark relayed the address, adding,

“Okay, we’re looking forward to meeting the lovely ladies. Bye-bye.”

Lou gave the phone back to Mark with a disturbing amount of pride.

“Have you done that before?”

“Nope. First time.”

“How did you know?”

“There’s always a hooker at the ready, my friend. Now, let’s go get that money.”

“How much?”

“Cheap. Three hundred bucks.”

“Do you even have that much?”

“I need to borrow three hundred bucks.”

✶

AT THE APARTMENT, THEY EACH DRANK ANOTHER BEER and straightened the place up so that the hookers wouldn’t feel like they were dealing with scumbags. They turned the spare bedroom, which Mark had been using as the TV room, into Lou’s love palace by opening the couch that really was a sofa bed and throwing a few blankets and pillows on it. Lou found a large glass candle of Saint Casimir that Mark’s religious aunt had sent to him and used it as mood lighting.

When the escorts arrived, the guys were disappointed that they were not what had been promised. Both girls were brunette, but neither was athletic, and both had the dentistry of a 19th-century English servant. One was tall and thin with a flat chest and no ass; the other was short and squishy with enormous tits and a gigantic ass. Mark and Lou looked at each other.

“You take the tall one, since you’re taller than me,” Lou said.

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this.”

“And you paid for it.”

They paired off and went to their respective rooms.

“It’s very nice,” the girl said to Lou as she looked around the room. “What do you want to do tonight, sweetie?”

“What do you think?”

She laughed. “You’re cute. How do you want it. What do you want me to do for you?”

“Just pretend to care.”

All of the drinking made his dick numb, so they screwed for over an hour. Lou wept the entire time.

Across the apartment, Mark acted impressed with his girl’s trick of applying the condom with her mouth. She screamed like a bad actress in an even worse porno while faking an orgasm. Mark laughed a little. Because he wasn’t as drunk as Lou, his whiskey dick was more in tune with sensations, and he was done sooner. Plus, he just wanted to get it over with. He and his girl sat on the couch watching the rest of the documentary while the other two finished up.

Immediately after coming, Lou passed out. The girl emerged from his room and the other quickly stood up ready to leave. “Your friend is very said,” Lou’s girl said.

“Yeah. I know,” said Mark. “We’re working on that. You don’t happen to know whether your company is hiring any copywriters, do you?”

The girls giggled politely and left. Hearing the giggles, Mark wondered what they might have thought a copywriter was.

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX Part X Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36

#Bildungsroman #Hope Idiotic #Fiction #Chicago Fiction #David Himmel Fiction #David Himmel Novel #David Himmel Author #Dark Humor #Carbon Monoxide Poisoning

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renrumm · 6 years ago

Note

all!! of!! them!! >:3c

E V I L

Okay buckle up mf you brought this upon yourself…..

(world’s longest post incoming)

1: What is your name and does it mean anything?

it’s Lauren, and there’s not really a story behind it, but it’s origin is like the laurel leaves and all that

2: How long have you known your best friend?

one of my best friends i’ve know since i started primary school at like 4 years old, the others i’ve only known for a few years or less

3: What position do you normally sleep in?

used to sleep on my front but now i sleep in a really awkward, position on my back that wrecks my neck lol

4: Were you a part of any “clique” in high school?

not particularly, i just kinda floated between groups, i was pretty friendly with everyone (or so i like to think)

5: Who was your favourite teacher in high school and why?

oh man, there were a couple who i really liked, one was my last English teacher and the other was a Languages teacher- the English teacher was just a really nice lady and i actually learnt a lot that year despite barely attending. The Languages teacher was super fun and chill and she always tried to get everyone involved

6: Do you wish to travel a lot?

Not really, i kinda dream about just staying where i am, as boring as that sounds…

7: Did you participate in any sports while in school?

i used to do netball and i was the bowler for the school’s rounders team 9used to have good aim hah)

8: Show a sample of your handwriting:

9: Have you ever given blood?

No, i want to but i haven’t had the chance yet (plus i was having so many blood tests done that i was irrationally afraid i would pass something on if i gave blood before i got solid results)

10: Do you like the way that you grew up?

i think so

11: Do you like your siblings? Why or why not?

oh yeah- i mean, we fight, but all siblings do

12: How did you meet your best friend and why did you become friends?

i met her when we started school, i don’t remember specifics (i was like 4) but we bonded over her pet tortoise

13: Name one movie that made you cry.

i actually cried at The Breakfast Club, weirdly, Brian’s bit really got to me

14: Do you prefer to read poetry, write poetry, or neither?

i’m not a massive fan of poetry, probably because i’m dreadful at writing it. reading it is nice, though

15: Things about someone that you find attractive?

i always seem to fall for people with the same sort of personality traits- really nerdy, kinda shy but also assertive, and funny

I guess musical talent is another thing that i like, but not everyone i’m attracted to plays an instrument

16: What song are you currently listening to?

at the minute i’ve been listening to The Kids Aren’t Alright by Fall Out Boy on repeat for DAYS

17: Have you ever broken a bone? If so, how?

Nope (thankfully)

18: A random memory from you childhood:

i was in a show as the witch from hansel and gretel (i was 8)

cut to opening night, i get pushed into the fake oven with the intention of crawling out of the open back whilst screaming- as if im being cooked- except i forgot i was wearing a tall witches hat with the wig attatched

the hat catches on the oven, falls off, taking my hair with it, so i have to reach back out of the oven, still screaming like a dying old lady, and drag my hat + hair back in with me

19: Where did you grow up?

in Portsmouth, England- it’s a port city on the south coast

20: What was the last thing you watched on tv?

I haven’t watched regular tv in forever, but i was watching Brooklyn Nine Nine with my mum on Netflix last night

21: Do you think you’d make a good parent?

I think i would actually (at least i hope so)

I wouldn’t mind being a mum

22: Would you like to meet any of your Tumblr friends in person?

tbh i don’t really have any tumblr friends, i’m very shit at replying to messages and the last people i spoke to was in the days before messaging so i have no idea what we last said to each other hah

I totally would though, hmu

22: What was the last dream you remember having?

i was on a weird train, i had a kitten in my hands but it kept escaping my grip and i was terrified that it would get hurt- the dream ended when for some reason i had to switch trains and the kitten got left on the platform!!! most stressful and sad dream ever rip

23: When is your birthday?

17th Feb!

24: How many pillows do you sleep with?

2 at the most, sometimes none- i’m no griffin mcelroy

25: Do you wear glasses? If so, how long have you been wearing glasses?

yep! had them since i was 9, i’m incredibly short sighted and it’s terrible!

26: What colour is your hair?

naturally blonde, but i bleached it even lighter for a Mercy cosplay a couple of weeks ago

27: Name 5 facts about your appearance:

- i’m blonde (ha)

- i have really fair skin

- i have dimples

- i have a birthmark on my thigh

-i have a mole on my neck that’s pretty noticable

28: What is your favourite soda?

lemonade or fanta

29: What is a strange talent that you have?

i can put my feet behind my head (like bring them up and over my head, not like touch them to it backwards) I don’t really have any weird talents haha

30: How’s the weather right now?

not really doing much

31: Why did one of your friendships end?

most of my friendships end with us just drifting, thanks to my shitty attendance at college and the last year of secondary school

32: Who do you miss right now?

I miss all my friends who have gone to/are going to uni in the next couple of weeks :(

33: Why did your last relationship end?

i ended it because i got sick and had to keep cancelling plans all the time and they deserved better than that- i don’t regret it at all, they’re really happy now

34: Are you still figuring out who you are?

yeah, i’ve worked through a lot in the last few years and i’m still doing a bit of soul-searching atm

35: Have you ever been admitted to a hospital? Why?

yes, this time last year actually, i had to go in for emergency surgery thanks to some shit i’d had going on for a long time that went undiagnosed and ended up giving me sepsis, so that was fun

36: What is your favourite restaurant?

i don’t really have one, i’ll go anywhere

37: What is word that you always seem to spell wrong?

i always spell wield wrong? I always feel like the i and e should be the other way around for no reason

38: Would ever adopt kids?

totally!

39: What is your favourite kind of pizza?

margherita (i’m a plain bitch)

40: What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

the list of things i desperately need to get done this week

41: When was the last time you got really really happy and why?

as a last farewell before Uni starts, my friends and I had our usual dnd session, then went for a meal, then went to the pub to do the quiz. It was a really nice night and i had a lot of fun

42: What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

oh god i literally haven’t eaten anything weird

43: How do you start a conversation?

i don’t!!! i die!!

44: What’s a band you’ve been obsessed with lately?

Fall Out Boy is always a classic, but Barns Courtney is fantastic too

45: Do you come from a family “of money?”

oh definitely not haha

46: Do you have a bucket list?

not really, my bucket list doubles as a “tv shows to watch/books to read/video games to play” list (sad)

47: What is your favourite series of books?

i used to love the Skulduggery Pleasant series (though i haven’t read the latest one!) but i have real soft spots for the Septimus Heap series and the Percy Jackson books

48: When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt?

the last DnD session was hilarious, always is

49: Where do you go when you’re sad?

my room, i just wrap myself up into a little depressed cocoon and hibernate

50: 5 random facts about yourself:

- i have FAR too many DnD characters made that i’ll probably never get the chance to play as :(

- i don’t own a single matching pair of socks

- i’d love to record a podcast one day

- i’m starting as a vocal coach at a theatre company i used to be in! I’m very excited

- i have a spotify playlist for every mood, video game, tv show, and podcast and i’ll never stop making them!!

JESUS CHRIST THAT TOOK A LONG TIME SORRY FOR THE LONG BORING POST

#ask meme #rumm talks #personal ish

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