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wenchuong · 5 years ago

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The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Ch. 2

Read Ch. 1 first!

Ch. 2 -- Magic Hour

Everyone always thought Rose was crazy when she said she liked being jet lagged. Why would you like feeling like a walking zombie, they’d ask. But she knew there was magic in those nights that felt like they’d never end, time suspended in a soft haze. The kind of magic that made you feel infinite. The kind she was experiencing right now.

“So what are you going to do with the rest of your night?”

Rose laughed. “I think it’s morning now.”

Dawn was just beginning to peek through the night sky as Jungkook and Rose stood outside the 7/11, little cups of hot instant coffee warming their hands, reluctant to leave what was feeling like their place.

“We’re leaving in the afternoon to Kyoto for a photoshoot. I’m really excited. I love Kyoto, especially the countryside. It smells so different there. Like, like…”

Jungkook waited patiently for her to find her thought, watching her face light up and her eyes twinkle. God, he loved looking at her.

“Like green tea and bamboo and fresh water!” She glanced back at him sheepishly. “I’m really sensitive to smells. It’s kind of how I remember a moment or a place. I know it’s weird.”

“It’s not weird! Actually, I’m really sensitive to smells too. My favorite smell is laundry detergent.”

As soon as that left his mouth, Jungkook wanted to punch himself in the throat. Why would he say something so unbelievably lame?!

He was still internally beating himself up when he watched Rose’s eyes get comically large. “I love the smell of detergent too! Wow, I never thought I would find someone as weird as me.”

Their eyes twinkled at each other.

Breaking eye contact first, Jungkook kept his eyes on his sneakers as he asked, “What smell will you remember when you think of this night?”

Rose was a little surprised that this shy boy would ask such a bold question. She thought for a second.

“Ramen. Of course.”

He looked up at her and laughed, nodding in agreement.

“And jasmine. And vanilla.”

He raised his eyebrows at her in question.

“The air kind of smells like jasmine. Guess this is what spring in Tokyo smells like.”

“And vanilla?”

She smiled at him slowly, drinking him in, as she said, “You smell like vanilla.”

Jungkook stopped breathing. His heart stopped beating. He ceased to function. Just the mere thought that Rose had smelled him was enough to destroy him. The best he could do was stutter back at her, “I-i-i-d-d-do?”

“Yea. It smells warm. I like it.”

It wasn’t even a confession; she just liked his body wash. But it was enough to light his whole body on fire and make him break out in a full smile, bunny teeth and all.

She was kind enough to blush, as if he wasn’t making a total fool of himself. Right as he was about to tell her he liked the way she smelled too, he was cut off by a loud buzzing.

Rose dug the culprit out from her pocket — her phone. She frowned and looked apologetically at him. “Sorry, it’s my manager.”

“Oh, no problem.”

She walked a few feet away to take the call, and Jungkook knew he was in trouble when he wanted to shout that that few feet was too far. He was already addicted to having her close all the time. Close enough to see her eyelashes and count her freckles. Close enough to smell the jasmine that was her scent. Close enough to…

“I have to get back to the hotel.”

Jungkook was abruptly shaken out of his thoughts. “What?”

“The photoshoot just got moved up, and my manager is looking for me. We’re leaving 2 hours earlier now.”

Jungkook almost shouted at her, “Can I take you??”

Now, it was Rose’s turn to look shocked. “To the hotel? You don’t even know which one I’m staying at.”

“It doesn’t matter. I just…” He paused to think of something normal and not stalkery to say. “You shouldn’t be out this late…at night…by yourself.” He felt pretty smug pulling that one out of thin air.

Rose wasn’t born yesterday, so she just grinned back at him. “Fine. You’re lucky it’s so close. I’m at the Aman. Shall we?”

With that, they head off in the direction of her hotel, not making small talk, but having an intimate conversation about nothing — their favorite movies (they both loved romances), the songs they listened to when they couldn’t fall asleep (Lany and Lauv’s entire discographies), their favorite cities in the whole wide world. It was like they avoided the real life conversation topics on purpose. Like if they started talking about their jobs or how the world saw them, this fragile, perfect bubble would burst. So they came to a silent agreement to get to know everything else about each other instead.

Before they knew it, they were at the steps of the Aman.

“Well, this is me.”

“Yea.”

Jungkook knew he should say something memorable, but nothing was coming to him, other than I REALLY LIKE YOU, which even he knew was too much, too soon.

“Thank you Jungkook.”

He stopped thinking and furrowed his eyebrows at her. “For what?”

“For the perfect night.”

And there his heart went. He liked her so much, it physically hurt knowing that this perfect night would end. How could she smile so peacefully at him like that? Did she not have the same growing ache in her bones?

Jungkook could only say, “It was perfect for me too.”

Rose didn’t want to go, but she had to. And she knew she’d have to be the one to walk away. And she might never see this boy, this boy that her heart already missed, again. So without overthinking it, she walked up to him and gave him the tightest hug. She knew this wasn’t appropriate to do to a guy she had met just a few hours ago, but she was too tired and happy to the point of delirium and euphoria to care.

Jungkook didn’t even think. His body just moved on its own, wrapping one arm around her tiny waist, the other naturally to the nape of her neck, his fingers brushing through silky locks of her hair. He took a deep breath in, realizing suddenly and with bone-crushing clarity that she smelled like home.

She breathed him in once more, as she slowly disentangled herself from his arms. Looking up at him, she tried to memorize his face as he was doing the same.

Before they knew it, the moment was breaking, shifting along with the rising sun, signaling morning. Rose knew she needed to leave now, or else, she’d probably stay pressed tight against him forever.

As she was turning away from him, Jungkook blurted out, “Wait! I want to…Can I…maybe get your number?”

She paused, dramatically 180’ed back and held out her palm. He nervously chuckled as he handed his phone over. As she was concentrating on typing her name and number, he stared at her, still in disbelief that she was real.

“Here you go.” She handed his phone back. “I hope I see you again Jungkook.”

“You will.” He would make damn sure of it.

She smiled brilliantly back at him, and finally, walked away.

As Jungkook sat in his taxi, heading back to his own hotel before his manager freaked out, he replayed the night over again in his mind like a movie. He hadn’t felt this happy and this light in a long time. He was so happy that he didn’t want to wait to text her. He was going to do it now. As he pulled up her contact, he couldn’t help but grin at his phone like an idiot. She had saved herself as ‘Rosie’ with a little squirrel emoji, probably because he had told her she looked like a squirrel when her cheeks were full of ramen. His heart was pounding so dramatically, he had to punch it a few times so he wouldn’t combust.

As Tokyo whooshed by outside the window, and Jungkook was absorbed in crafting the perfect first text to Rose, he felt a little like magic had happened that night. Like time had paused just enough for him to meet this girl and for his whole world to explode in colors and sounds he’d never seen or heard before. Like anything was possible. Like he was infinite. And as Rose laid on her hotel bed, trying to get a few hours of sleep but failing due to her excited heart, she too, felt the same magic — the magic that would lead these two lost souls home.

#jungkook #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook fanfic #rosekook #jeon jungkook #bts #blackpink #rose #rose blackpink #jungkook fluff #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #park chaeyoung #bts au #bts fluff #the most beautiful moment in life #bedtime stories

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feyjaeyong · 4 years ago

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❧ ─ 30 NOTES TO HUANGJUN

it goes like this: usually huangjun wakes up first. jaeyong always wakes up too, too conditioned to be a light sleeper, too intrinsically on edge and protective to sleep through much. he feels huangjun stir a little too much and he blinks open his eyes. jaeyong usually succeeds in wrapping huangjun up and keeping him in bed for at least another five minutes. eventually, huangjun escapes, always with something about making tea or breakfast.

sometimes jaeyong falls back asleep until huangjun returns to wake him up, if he doesn’t just let him sleep. usually, however, he won’t linger too long, and will join his boyfriend in the kitchen before long. more recently, instead, he reaches to his bedside table and pulls a small notebook out of the top drawer.

there, he writes a note to huangjun, meant to be sneakily stuck somewhere around the house for huangjun to find later in the day. (sometimes, he’ll scribble out a note before class instead, or while huangjun is at work, or when he’s not with him at the grocery store. anytime will do.)

THE NOTES:

remember when i said i would spend the rest of my life with you? i know sometimes you get scared. sometimes you doubt, but i’m not going to let you forget. the rest of my life, and i’m going to make that life as long as i can. i’m going to love you for the rest of my life, and you’ll have to work hard if you ever want to get rid of me. the rest of my life. i love you. don’t forget!

i forgot to tell you, yesterday, this old man came into the store and bought every album in snsd’s discography. i wanted to ask him why but i’ve been told that’s rude and bad for business :( i guess i’ll always be left to wonder. i love you! wait, you know snsd, right? have i listened to snsd with you?

no time with you is ever enough. i love you.

you were snoring last night. just a little! don’t feel bad. it made me smile. there’s something so mundane about it. comforting, even. a reminder that you’re here with me without having to watch you breathe. i love you.

not to say something completely cliche but we’re out of milk and i love you, i’ll buy it.

i had a nightmare last night. i don’t remember it, though. i used to always remember them. they used to be all that i remembered, but now, so much fills the spaces in between, like love and light. i wonder if it’s you.

reminder that i love you more than anyone in the world has ever loved anybody.

it was rainy today. like, really rainy and gross. i watched a girl get off the bus without an umbrella or raincoat and i knew she was going to be soaked instantly, but a guy swooped in and offered her his umbrella and it made me think of us, and it made me wonder what their story would be. would they never see each other again? would they fall in love? i never cared about stuff like that before you. i know our story hasn’t been easy, but i’m glad it’s ours. i love you.

you fell asleep while you were reading. i don’t think you sleep enough these days. i’ll call in sick on your next day off. let’s sleep a few extra hours, or all afternoon. i love you and there’s nowhere else i’d rather be.

sometimes i just want to watch the world end with you. as long as i’m with you every city could burn. i’m probably not supposed to say that, but that’s just how i love you.

reminder that i’m going to spend the rest of my life with you and i’m gonna marry you one day and you can’t logic me out of it, no “but jaeyong we can’t get married it isn’t legal” because i am DETERMINED. you know i’ll do anything to get what i want, and i want to love you forever.

i could write all the love songs in the world and they still wouldn’t explain how much i love you.

i woke up a little bit before you today. i got to see the way the sun filtered through the blinds and shined on your face. i don’t know a word in any language that encapsulates how beautiful you are. i love you.

huangjun, sometimes i worry. the love in me is so overwhelming. i wonder, is this all too much? maybe it would be better to love you quietly, but you know i’ve never been good at that. i think it’s because i don’t have room in my body for it all. that’s why i say i love you so much. it always overflows. in the end, i’d rather my love be too much than not enough. i’d rather you get tired of hearing it than regret not saying it, but if you need me to love you quieter, just say so. i can learn.

i found this app that tracks sharks yesterday. i only remembered when i checked my phone this morning. the closest tracked shark to us is by papua new guinea. she’s a tiger shark and her name is lisa christina. i hope she’s doing okay. i love her :( but not as much as i love you.

you’re watching me as i write this. i’m not good at writing under pressure. i told you not to read this until i’m not around, but you’re so damn good at reading. you can probably look this way on accident and read the whole thing. i’m sorry, this isn’t my best work, but i love you still. maybe more than ever.

lisa christina is swimming away from us now ㅜㅜ i miss her. i miss you too, whenever you’re reading this, guaranteed. i love you.

do you remember when you used to always call me sunbae? and then you finally called me by my name. i always wonder when. when did i fall in love with you? maybe that was it. the way you said my name, like no one ever had, like you saw something in me no one else did. no one makes it sound as good as you do.

huangjun i want a pet shark. also i love you

i’m going to write 100 songs about you and get rich from them, and then i’ll buy you a nice house, or build one if we can’t find one that makes us feel like we can finally breathe easy. it’ll be somewhere safe, where i don’t always have to look over my shoulder and you don’t have to worry that i won’t come back every time i step out the door. some place where i can randomly decide to remodel the bathroom, then take a hammer to everything and accidentally break something important, but end up with something better when we’re done. somewhere to grow old in. i love you. i’ll do it. i’m serious!

you shouldn’t have died in that alley. every day i’m so thankful i was there, and that you didn’t. i love you even more than you know.

i’ve been thinking, when we get out of here, and all of the green finally outnumbers the concrete, what we should have in our garden. herbs are a no brainer, but what about snapdragons? they symbolize both graciousness and deception and i think that’s kind of sexy in a flower and also probably people too. but i also just think they look cool. think about it!! i love you!

wherever i am right now i’m probably thinking about kissing you. please give me a kiss next time you see me :( i love you.

i never told you this, but i had a dream once. we were on a beach. this dream was way before i took you to an aquarium and watched the way your eyes lit up when you saw stingrays, and before i bought you that teapot that looks like a pufferfish and the teabags that expand into sea creature shapes when you put them in water. we were on a beach, and there was a kid that didn’t look like either of us, and a feeling that i couldn’t decipher at the time but that i know now is love. for you, for that kid. everything was...rose gold. i don’t know how to explain it. i woke up so afraid, because i didn’t want kids and i knew that kid was ours, huangjun, and i had never felt something so warm. you know i wasn’t raised for warm. i was afraid to want warm, but i watched you sleep and i couldn’t help but think about it. sometimes i still do, but most of the time i don’t remember. sometimes, i think i’m still scared of it. i guess that’s why i’m writing it down instead of telling you out loud. i don’t think i could ever write or say how much i love you. let’s just raise fish???

the sky reminded me of you today. i’m starting to really love the sky. it’s never the same twice. it’s part of why i love you. there’s always something new to see. always something beautiful. i think i would see you everywhere even without the sky.

my dream used to be to rid the world of supernaturals. safety for humanity. it was...surprisingly noble. but misguided. now, it’s different. when i think of what i want most in the world, it’s your soft smile, and the way you tuck my hair behind my ear, and the way you say ‘i’ll make tea’ just about anytime you don’t have something better to do. saying “you’re my new dream” is too cheesy even for me, but something like that. i love you.

the sky was light blue again. the color of your favorite sweater, a few clouds. i looked up and i thought...how wonderful, to love someone so soft and unending, to hold a heart that touches everything like that.

sometimes i feel like i’m drowning in how much i love you. not in a bad way, though; in a way like that one time, when you watched all the fish swim by in their tanks and wondered if it was peaceful. that kind of drowning. it is peaceful. it is.

if an angel looked in the mirror, would he see a monster? something fearsome, awe-inspiring, certainly. a view enough to make any man of god repent. i understand them. i am no holy man, but you make me want to get on my knees. i love you. amen.

reminder that you make me happier than i’ve ever been. i never used to think about if souls existed, and never really cared, but you made me believe in them. there’s no other way to say it than my soul is at peace with you. i don’t know if we’re soulmates or not, but i know i can lay my head in your lap and feel at home there. i know you changed me. you made me better. maybe that’s all soulmates are. i love you.

#feyhuangjun #─ solo #─ 30 notes to huangjun #| yes i made u scroll past all of that #bc if i put it under a readmore it messed up the numbers #if u read it then jaeyong is embarrassed #yes i did write all of this using the onscreen keyboard for my h key asdfdsgdsg |

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liquidlizards · 5 years ago

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i'm in danger, bad behavior

summary: after a drunken night listening to 80s avant-garde pop, flug wakes up next to demencia harboring a multitude of regrets. with a little persuading from her, though, he might just come around.

pairing: paperlizard! they’re both such enormous assholes!

rating: no fucking but mentions of fucking. also boobs and flug’s hard-on for vulgarity

(ao3 link)

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The first thing Flug noticed was the smell. It slithered beneath his bag and floated up to his nose like early morning sea fog, cheap coconut shampoo and sweat swamping his senses in a wave. A slight pang in his head told him he had one too many glasses of wine last night, and when he shifted in place he noticed he still had his lab coat on, the rough fabric scratching against his bare skin, a sensation almost like a whole anthill was nestled under the covers with him. His face collided with a frizzy cloud of fluorescent green, reminding him of a bedside light too bright to fall asleep to, and he froze.

It was at that moment Flug became acutely aware of the fact that he did not sleep stark naked wearing only his lab coat, he did not have a phosphorescent body pillow, and he most certainly did not own sheets with cute little skulls on them. He wanted to close his eyes again and go back to sleep because he instantly knew what this meant, what this signified. The reality of the situation, as unbelievable as it was, suddenly socked him square in the forehead when it rolled over, granting him a real good look at his latest fuckup. His newfound snafu. A plight worth more than one of his balls on the black market. Briefly, he considered doing that, just selling a gonad to the first lucky bastard and taking off with the cash so he’d never have to face the terrible, laughable truth. It was an option that left him far more at ease than just rolling over to look her in the eyes, to acknowledge what they’d done. They could kill each other later, if she was down for that.

His bag crinkled from the impact of her hand, and he flicked it off, black fingernails plopping down on the bed. He didn’t even feel like yelling, flailing his arms around in a display of colorful obscenities while booting her off with a flourish, oh no. Flug was far too tired to do any of that, instead settling for a quick peek at the rise and fall of her chest—holy shit her bare chest— and suddenly he lost every ounce of chill he previously thought he had. One of her legs wrapped around his waist, deliberately brushing past his crotch, and he jerked from the bold way her foot slid against his skin.

Demencia’s toothy grin burned him to the core, a weird type of warmth washing over his body and right down to his dick. God, this was the absolute worst morning of his life, and that was counting the day Black Hat beamed him to a Bananarama cover band concert while he was in the shower because he was 20 minutes late on a deadline.

The rasp of Demencia’s dumb voice suddenly snapped him back to the real, present world, and the pitchy chorus to “Cruel Summer” became only a past nightmare once again. One that definitely happened, though, Flug recalled miserably.

“What’s up, Doc?”

He seethed, finally fed up with the past two minutes and how fucking casual she was, like it was no big deal to bone your co-worker over three bottles of wine and the entire Kate Bush discography. Jesus, Black Hat was gone for one night on a business trip and suddenly Flug lived in a drunkard’s funhouse. With sex! How appalling! How could he let his guard down like this? Like a fool in her...her presence! It was horrendous in all honesty, really. His first mistake was forgetting the straitjacket, then it all just went downhill from there.

This was by far the most out of the ordinary, anomalous situation he ever had the displeasure of being in, and she was treating it like another day at the office. If you’d call Black Hat Manor— the same one with the vanishing hallways and doorways leading to apocalyptic realms—the office, that is.

“Are you kidding me!” Flug yawped, thrashing the covers around. “Fuck you!”

Demencia seemed amused, propping her face up with her palms, elbows sinking into the bed. She licked her lips, studying his eyebrows and how they moved with his arms. Like they were attached with a string. Her mismatched eyes stole a quick glance at his groin, and he screeched, wrapping his coat around him when he remembered he was completely commando under there.

Christ, all the years he spent with this psychopathic ignoramus, all the weird shit that went down with her around, and yet he couldn’t see this coming. Figures.

“I tried to be calm about this,” Flug continued, ignoring her nonchalance, “I really did! But you—” He made a sound similar to a yipping pomeranian, jabbing a finger in her face. “You honestly don’t see a problem with this!?”

He violently gestured to their intertwined legs— courtesy of Demencia— and then to her pert boobs. Just...out in the open. Up for grabs. It was then that certain memories from last night resurfaced after that keen observation, and he felt his cheeks flush. Quickly, he made a point to snatch his legs away from hers, huffing a bit for the drama of it all.

She didn’t answer his question, opting to play around with the waver in his voice, the splotchy red spreading across the visible part of his neck. Oh yes, she was going to have so much fun with this.

“Your definition of ‘calm’ must be laying there like a sad sack of potatoes, gawping at my tits—”

“Shut up!”

“— with your 8 a.m. wood deciding whether or not you’re up for round two,” she finished, crudely snickering when he spluttered out some nonsensical string of words.

“Ah, I love it when I’m right and you’re horribly, utterly wrong,” Demencia taunted as she brought a hand to his face, cupping the bottom of his chin that got exposed during his outburst.

Flug lurched back, the mattress squeaking with him. “Don’t do that.”

“Oh but Doctor, I’m all wound up again and I know you can make it all better.”

“No. Stop. Don’t use that voice.”

“What voice?” she feigned innocence, drawing closer to him again. “I’m just talking like I normally would.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem.”

Demencia snorted, mouth against his neck. It was a strange new sensation, to have someone this close to him, especially her. Although, he knew he had plenty of time to get acquainted with her in that manner last night, recalling her sweaty, powerhouse of a body atop his as she rode him to the next town over. He absolutely would not let her have the satisfaction of having the upperhand again, so he awkwardly took both of her wrists, slapping her down on the bed like a pancake.

Raising her brow, Demencia obliged even though they both knew she could easily throw him clean across the room and through the wall if she wanted to. He was up to something, and her curiosity always did get the best of her.

“Wow, is the scientist about to sack up finally or—”

“Demencia.”

Staring down at her, he tightened his grip, and her breath hitched. This was new.

“Aw, is that all you got, you little cupcake bitch? Come on, don’t be shy. I bite if you ask me to.”

“You know, you’re making this really hard for me.”

Demencia’s eyes flicked down to his dick. “God, I hope so. Almost thought I was losing my touch there for a second. Anyways, get to the juicy part already. You’re killin’ me, Doc. We don’t have all day here.”

It came out of his mouth before he could catch it and reel it back in.

“Actually, if you would’ve listened to Black Hat yesterday, he said he wouldn’t be back until after dinner tonight. So technically, we do have all day.”

Something animalistic flashed across her face, giving Flug a burst of courage. He spoke carefully next, but with conviction.

“So shut the fuck up and let me...fuck you?”

Nailed it.

Strangely enough, that was exactly what Demencia needed to hear, because she wasted no time in rolling them over, so she was the one on top. With a grind of her hips, she had Flug whimpering.

“Not before I fuck you first.”

#villainous #paperlizard #op #fics #includes kate bush and black hat's secret wine stash #also the lab coat stays ON during sex

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1034

survey by tater-tots What is a fruit that you might eat in the morning? Hahahaha. That’s a pass for me; I can’t imagine regularly eating fruit at any set time of the day.

Do you enjoy any food combinations that others might consider to be weird? I like to eat fish with mayonnaise, which was always normal in our household but I realized was weird when I first saw the horrified expressions on my friends’ faces when they saw me use the combination. I like mayonnaise with a lot of other foods as well, which a lot of people generally find weird.

What is a green vegetable that you enjoy eating? Broccoli and asparagus.

Name something you might find in a salad. In my salad, you’ll always find tuna sashimi in it heh.

What is your favorite type of sandwich? Anything that’s like an Eggs Benedict or Monte Cristo.

Which condiment do you use the most often? Mayo, for sure. Banana ketchup too. I also like sriracha sauce but my dad hasn’t been buying a new bottle of it for a while.

Name a chocolate bar that you enjoy eating. It’s called Whittaker’s - just not sure what country it hails from; maybe Australia? - and I like their peanut butter variant. Google also told me it’s a New Zealander brand.

What is a meat that you do not eat - ever. Dog or cat.

Are you lactose intolerant, or have any other sort of food allergies? I’m mildly lactose intolerant but I ignore it because a lot of my favorite foods use dairy. Other than that, no food allergies.

What was the last food that you burnt your mouth on? Just plain rice, haha. I had been extremely hungry and I just wanted to dig in; but I ended up spitting it back out.

Which brand of soup do you eat? I don’t regularly have soup, much less buy canned brands of it.

What are some flavors of ice cream that your enjoy? Cookies and cream, mint chocolate, coffee, chocolate chip cookie dough, queso real.

What is the best type of cookie, in your opinion? I like keeping things classic when it comes to cookies, and I’ve always been perfectly happy with chocolate chip cookies :)

Would you rather have popcorn, pretzels, or chips as your salty snack? Chips. I dislike the other two as I only like the softer, doughy version of pretzels.

Have you thought about going on a diet & actually went through with it? No.

survey by pinkchocolate

When you woke up today, was there anything on your mind? Kinda. I felt sad and I was aware of it instantly, compared to most days where the sadness will take a while to build.

Who was the last person you interacted with for the first time? Literally speaking, maybe the barista at Starbucks who took my temperature at the entrance before I was let in the store. I interacted with her yesterday.

What colour was the wrapper of the last snack you ate? White. It’s more of a tiny bag than a wrapper, though.

Do you have a favourite mug to drink from? What does it look like? Yeah, I’ve since claimed my mom’s mug for myself. It’s a copper mug with the Starbucks label on it. It looks super minimalist which I appreciate.

What was the last thing you used, that came in a spray can? It was a Lysol spray.

What colour is your favourite bra? Don’t really have one.

Who was the last person you went to for advice about something? I think it was Andi. I’ve been going to them a lot for help, advice, extra sanity, etc. lately. If it hasn’t been for them I probably would’ve left a few months back.

Have you had a deep conversation with anyone lately? Yes. I finally met up with Gab yesterday to discuss a lot things, iron some stuff out, figure out where to go from here.

What was the last compliment you recall receiving from someone? I’m not sure, I haven’t been receiving any.

And the last compliment you gave to someone else? It was most likely a compliment for Andi on how helpful they’ve been to me.

What kind of bread did you eat most recently? Flatbread.

What was the last sound you heard, that you found pleasant? We were watching a mass livestream earlier and I was delighted when they played the closing song.

How many books do you think there are in your house? Take a rough guess. I would guess around 60, the overwhelming bulk of them mine.

Of all the books you own, which do you think has the most pages in it? It would definitely either be Gone with the Wind or Les Miserables, but I’m not sure which one is thicker.

^ And how many pages is that? I checked both of my copies and they’re soooo close – GWTW has 1,440 pages while Les Mis has 1,463.

What was the last film you saw at the cinema? What did you think of it? Knives Out. I went to the mall yesterday and the cinemas were still closed, so it’s not like I’d be able to watch new movies at theatres anyway. Anyway, I’ve been vocal about the movie enough times on my surveys but I didn’t enjoy it. Whodunnits were never my cup of tea, but Gab had wanted to see it and I didn’t want to make her watch the film alone.

In the last book you read, what was the main character's name? Haven’t been reading.

What was the last song you heard, that meant something to you? Lose by Niki.

How many people do you know whose name begins with Z? I can only recall one such person at the moment; it’s one of my mom’s aunts who also doubled as a principal sponsor for my mom and dad’s wedding.

What do you expect to be doing at this time tomorrow? Maybe doing my embroidery (my package finally arrived!!) or surveys or watching Start-Up, because tomorrow will be a holiday :)

survey by luckforlemmy

Did you start listening to more Michael Jackson after his death? I can remember that there was definitely a brief period after his death that I caught up with his discography and listened to MJ nearly everyday; I read up on him and his life as well. 11 year old me figured he must’ve been an interesting figure because of the big reception around his death, so I wanted to know the reasons behind it.

When was the last time that you played hide and seek? I can vividly remember the day when Nina and I played hide and seek when the house was newly-built and still devoid of furniture, back in maybe ‘07 or ‘08. I’m fairly certain that was the last time I played hide and seek.

Who was your first celebrity crush, if you can remember? It was a tie between Ashley Tisdale and Zac Efron, though the older I get the more I’ve been convinced that I ‘crushed’ on Zac only because I was surrounded by girls who went crazy over him in school. I’m pretty sure my first real celebrity crush was Ashley, hahaha.

Do you worry about money? Yeah, especially now. I can’t even enjoy my first paycheck because most of it’s gonna go to Christmas presents, but oh well; at least I can finally buy gifts for my loved ones who’ve always gotten me presents.

Have you ever had to beg for a second chance? Kind of, when I was trying to convince Gab to let our relationship have another shot four years ago. Beg is a strong word for what I actually did, though. It was more of me pitching the idea, not begging.

When was the last time that you sent an actual letter through the mail? I don’t think I even ever did that, not even when I was younger and snail mail was still kind of a thing.

Are you excited to return to school? There’s nothing to return to anymore. Unless I decided to take up a post-grad course in the future, I’m done with school.

Do you hate Internet abbreviations? It can just feel a bit jarring when they’re used excessively in a single sentence, but I honestly don’t mind it for the most part. It’s understandable especially now that most, if not all, of my interactions whether personal or for work happen online.

What was the last insult you gave out? I was never really the roasting type of person, not even towards my friends.

What'd you last look up on YouTube? Hahaha I looked up ‘skynwallz.’ I was looking for the episode of Rhett and Link’s vlogs where they painted the rooms of their offices in the color of their entire person – hair, eyes, and skin. They were joking about starting a new business for it called Skynwallz, so that’s what I looked up.

Are you texting someone really awesome right now? No, I prefer to be alone today.

Do you know when to be serious and when you shouldn't be? Er sure, it’s not that hard.

Do you think that you're funny? I like my sense of humor, yeah, but I know it’s not always going to translate to everybody’s tastes. For example, I’m still figuring out the dynamic in the team I was put in at work, so I can’t make the same jokes that I would normally say with my co-interns with whom I have a more comfortable relationship.

Have you ever sent a secret to Post Secret? I don’t know what this is, so no.

What movie do you really want to see in theatres right now? They aren’t showing anything at the moment. A movie I want to see badly, though, is Ammonite.

Have either of your parents shown affection for you today? My mom made breakfast for us, if it counts. She also gives each of her kids a kiss during the peace-giving portion at mass, so there’s that as well.

What's the last thing that you sang out loud? I watched Start Up before this survey and was humming to the song that was being played at the end of the episode. I couldn’t sing along to it because it was in Korean, but I knew the melody so I hummed.

Is there a word that you always misspell? Rhythm is one of my worst enemies for sure. I also have a love-hate relationship with accommodate.

What was the last thing that you bought that someone else benefited from? I met up with Gabie yesterday and bought her her favorite meal from Yabu to break the ice – menchi katsu with brown rice. I originally got mozzarella sticks for myself but when we got to talking, she mentioned her sisters at one point; I remembered how much I miss them, so I gave up my food and told her to just give my food to her sisters since I hadn’t touched it yet anyway.

Has someone ever made you a really great mix CD? Andi gave me one before she made the flight to New Zealand 10 years ago to permanently live there. I believe I still have it, but I’m just not sure where it currently is.

Have you ever been on Omegle.com? Yes, when I was a teenager and it was new.

Did you talk to someone cool there? Not really; most seem to exit our chat after we did the whole asl thing. I also avoided the webcam option because my anxiety for video calls has always been present.

What song reminds you of your best friend? Any song by The Maine.

Who was the last person to hit on you? Some creep on Facebook.

What's on the paper nearest you? It’s the guide for my embroidery kit. It tells me what stitches to do and the colors of thread to use for the different parts of the template I was provided with.

Do you have a set of lyrics that you really love? From Paramore’s Pool: “As if the first cut wasn’t deep enough, I dove in again ‘cause I’m not into giving up Could’ve gotten the same rush from any lover’s touch, But why get used to something new When no one breaks my heart like you” I scream those lyrics every time they come on. I know I often showed the good, shiny side of my relationship on these surveys; but it was very much toxic at a lot of points and those lyrics - and that song - served as a nest for me, something that told me someone understands how I sometimes felt about my own relationship.

Did you get an A in your last English class? I got a 1.25 instead of a perfect 1.00, but I think that’s still equivalent to an A so yes.

What did you last use scissors for? Cutting thread.

Did you ever secretly hate a friend of yours that thought you liked them? That makes me sound shitty lol, but yeah I’ve acted nicely to people I don’t particularly like.

What do you think of when I say "boat"? That episode of Friends where Joey bought himself a boat at an auction; and Canadian accents.

Would you ever get a tattoo sleeve? Nope. I planned on getting one as a teenager, but I grew out of that phase.

Do you know any really fake people? Yep. I think everyone’s got to be at some point.

What does the last blanket you used look like? It’s pink and has multi-colored polka dots on it.

Do you have appreciation for graffiti? Sure, especially if it’s for political purposes (that I agree with).

Why don't you drive? I do. I just have done it a lot less because I have had little need for driving and traveling to places throughout the pandemic.

Does it annoy you when your printer runs out of ink? I think we have the kind of printer that never runs out of ink, but I’m not exactly sure about the terminologies or how the technology works. I let my sister do the printing hahaha.

Have you ever drank anything from a thermos? Yes, mostly water and coffee.

When was the last time you played in the snow? Never.

Do you know any ignorant people? Sure, mostly Gen X-ers and Boomers.

What is the coolest name you've ever heard? Thylane.

What did you last argue with someone about? Relationship stuff. It wasn’t a full-blown argument, but when Gab and I talked yesterday it was natural for us to disagree on a few points.

Is there anyone that you dislike for no real reason? Hmm, I don’t think so. If I feel that strongly about someone, I usually have a reason otherwise it wouldn’t be fair to them.

Have you had a good day? It was okay; it was nice. I got to do my embroidery hoop art thing, got to watch a couple episodes of Start Up, played with Cooper, and now I’m doing these surveys and am planning to continue my embroidery later. It’s nice to feel productive about non-work things :)

Are you going to have a good night? I hope.

#survey #surveys #multiple surveys – chop em up if you wish

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ashfountainfanfics · 6 years ago

Text

Eddie is released before Richie wakes up. The cop that took over in the morning didn’t say anything about Eddie and Richie sharing a bed for the night but Eddie could tell it made him uncomfortable. He looked a bit younger than Eddie and acted like discharging him was some awkward task to deal with. He never even looked Eddie in the eye.

This town doesn’t really change, does it? Eddie thinks as he starts the long walk back to the small inn he and the other Losers have taken temporary residence in.

Eddie was shocked that Richie didn’t even so much as stir when he left. He’s an incredibly heavy sleeper but he also cuddles like a fucking octopus. Eddie had to untangle a mess of long arms and legs to free himself. Richie’s entire body had been grappled onto every part of Eddie. For a minute Eddie thought he might need the jaws of life to get out.

The morning weather is cold but Derry always feels cold. Unless you happened to catch it in the full swing of summer, Derry is essentially an icebox disguised as a small town. Eddie zips up his hoodie and shoves his hands in his pockets.

‘You’ll catch a cold, Eddie! You need a sweater and some thick socks!’

The echo of his mother’s voice makes his stomach surge. Eddie knows damn well that a chill breeze cannot possibly give him a cold but he can’t help the anxiety that rises from the thought. She used to say other nonsensical shit too like a cold can kill a man if you don’t treat it right away or that being too close to the microwave would give a person cancer.

It didn’t stop at radiation and weather either. Mrs. Kapsbrack had fully decieved her son into a number of lies about sex too. Masturbation makes you blind, having sex can kill you, touch it too much and it’ll fall off; Sonia Kapsbrack had the entire discography of abstinence only rhetoric on loop.

Eddie knows logically that none of these things are true but he knows it now. For two solid decades of his life he had believed his mother. He thought her word was gospel. Even in his twenties, it took time to come around to the truth because, what if the world was wrong and Sonia was right? Could he risk that?

Eddie spitefully unzips his jacket.

By the time Eddie was in his mid thirties he knew better but the paranoia lingers even today. In the time he’d been married to Myra he can count on one hand the amount of times they’ve had sex. Really it comes down to a once a year event and one Eddie never looks forward to. Bless Myra, she really tried sometimes but for the rare occasions of fancy home cooked meals and lingerie Eddie ended up losing his appetite and turning off all the lights. Myra got ten minutes of action annually while Eddie never managed to get off. Myra never was happy with that but Eddie wonders if she’d been happy with anything in their marriage.

Eddie shrugs out of the jacket and doesn’t look back as it slides off into the street.

Eddie might have had options. He may have had several people interested in him at any given moment but he was raised with blinders on and marriage ensured those blinders stayed. Eddie realizes that he never had the awareness, let alone the confidence to pursue anyone except Myra. His mother had led him into near celibacy through his hypochondriac training. If she hadn’t died would Myra have ever been a thing? Or would he still be a virgin even now?

Maybe Eddie could like Richie. Maybe men weren’t off the menu for Eddie Kapsbrack but how is he to know that when even the default of heterosexuality was taught as a dirty and unfortunate? And poor Myra, poor fucking Myra. Eddie’s going to leave her and because of his dead mother who shouldn’t have had anything to do with his marriage but Sonia Kapsbrack is the catalyst for all of it. Everything Eddie is, everything he never chose to become, is because of her.

Eddie takes off his shirt and drops it as he starts running in the cold morning air. The breeze smothers his chest, perks his nipples and sends shivers down his spine. The cold hurts a little but tells him he’s alive.

A memory of his last visit to a therapist surfaces as catches himself on the kissing bridge. He takes a few deep breaths and remembers. It was grief therapy which he was sure made his mother turn in his grave but Myra had suggested it. Sonia may have hated therapists and shrinks but Myra swore by them.

After a single session, the therapist calmly asked if Eddie had ever heard about the term ‘emotional incest.’ After a quick explanation, Eddie chose never to return to therapy ever again. Eddie is horrified and enraged as he stands on the bridge now and lets out a primal scream because Sonia Kapsbrack really did it. She committed emotional incest and Eddie feels the violation of it rack over his body.

‘Eddie, you can’t go out.’

‘Eddie, girls like that carry diseases.’

‘Eddie, don’t get too close, he might have AIDS.’

‘Eddie, you’ll never leave mommy right? You wouldn’t want me to die alone.’

And he had done just that. He stayed with her the entirety that their lives intersected. He even held her hand and watched cancer thin her down to skin and bones until there was nothing left. He never had a choice.

‘Eddie, you have to wear socks even inside. You could get sick.’

Eddie steps out of his shoes and pulls his socks off. He throws them into the barrens with as much force as he can muster. The asphalt under his feet is rough and unforgiving. He smiles and it’s manic and he keeps running.

---

Ben is waking up alone but he remembers not going to bed alone. Very clearly, he recalls Beverly and her soft mouth and her smooth curves. He took her in like she was sacred because to him she always had been. Last night had been spiritual experience because for so long Bev had only been a memory folded in a wallet. In a single night she went from paper to full flesh.

Keeping that yearbook page in his wallet had been like carrying around a religious artifact. So often it boosted the faith he needed to have in himself. It told him with little hearts and an old signature that he was worth looking at, worth helping, worth talking to. It had torn him apart to have thrown it in the fire but he’d burn a million memories if meant holding her.

As quickly as he had bedded her she’s gone though. Ben can still smell her soap on the sheets. It’s not the first time Ben’s woken up to an empty bed. It’s not as if he’s been celibate for the last twenty seven years. But he wasn’t very good at giving reasons for women to stay. It’s like they already knew his heart was somewhere else. Ben should be okay waking up to this familiar scene except...

“...Beverly?” he calls out softly, hoping that maybe she’s just in the bathroom.

There’s no response.

Ben gets himself showered and dressed. He can’t help but wonder if he’d done something wrong. Was having sex going too fast? It’s not like he declared his undying love for her but he supposes that he didn’t really need to. No one keeps a signature in their wallet for almost three decades because they’re just buddies.

Ben walks up to Bev’s door and hears her pacing and yelling. It’s a one sided conversation so Ben presumes she must be on the phone. Through the thin walls he can make out a few phrases and keywords. The words ‘divorce’ and ‘lawyer’ come up quite a bit. Against Ben’s better judgement, he presses his ear to the door to better listen in.

“You can have the business, you can keep the money but you can’t have me. Fuck you.”

Ben startles as it sounds like Bev has thrown her phone against the wall. Ben regrets invading her privacy but feels compelled to comfort her. It sounds like her husband is a real asshole and that the divorce is going to be messy. Ben isn’t sure what words to offer her.

Ben is about to knock on her door but then gets an idea. He makes a beeline to his room and rips a blank page out of the guestbook. He argues with himself the whole journey back to Bev’s door. He insists to himself that this is childish and unnecessary. She’ll think it’s stupid. It won’t help. Ben still sits down though and scribbles out a message.

You okay? - Ben

He gives the door a soft knock and slides the page underneath. A few minutes pass. It feels like the longest two minutes of Ben’s life and his insecurity bombards him. Of course this wouldn’t work. It’s dumb and foolish and Ben should know better. He’s a grown man after all.

The paper returns from under the frame.

No. - Bev

It’s an odd approach but at least it begets an honest answer. Ben uses the door as a writing surface. It’s shocking to think this method is even going anywhere but Ben figures it’s best to continue. At least Bev’s talking. He has a feeling that if he’d gone with the first choice and simply knocked that he wouldn’t have gotten far.

Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want to talk?

He stops signing it at this point. It’s not as if the whole gang is sitting in the hallway passing notes to Bev. This time it takes a lot longer for her to reply. Ben takes in the moulding on the door frame as he waits. Despite many of his designs taking a modern approach he really likes looking at the old stuff. He wonders briefly how he might create designs with modern benefits but a nostalgic look. The note slide out slowly this time.

I’m sorry I left.

Ben appreciates the sentiment but he has a thousand questions to ask about it. If Bev is sorry then why did she do it? Did something happen? Did Ben mess up? Did he hurt her or make her feel unsafe? All of this takes a backseat to the present situation though.

You have a lot on your mind. I want to help. Can I come in?

Ben stands to his feet as he hears the latch on the other side coming undone. Beverly is red faced but composed. She’s in a bathrobe and slippers. By the door he sees the tennis shoes he’d picked up for her yesterday after she’d thrown all her clothes from earlier in the day away. He knows she’s only using them out of necessity but he likes to think that maybe she likes them. He chose a pair that was black and burgundy. He remembered that Bev liked burgundy.

“You’re really nice,” Bev says quietly.

“I don’t try to be,” Ben shrugs and tell himself not to move in and hold her, “I’m just me”

“I know. That’s what I love about you.”

Ben smiles at the word ‘love’. He can’t help it. Bev smiles back and Ben falls in love with her all over again. She’s so much more than beautiful. She’s strong and kind and smart. Ben always secretly regarded her as the real leader of the group. He loves Bill and, yes, they often all followed him but secretly Ben followed Beverly. He’d follow her anywhere if she only asked.

“Ben,” her smile falters, “I’m going through something right now. It’s not easy and I’m trying to figure out who I am. You’re very sweet but I-”

“You don’t owe me anything,” Ben interrupts, already sensing where she’s going.

Ben understands that Bev’s life is complicated right now. He gets that maybe last night had some bad timing. He wants to say this but doesn’t. Something about the look in Bev’s eyes tells him that he doesn’t need to.

“All of this is on your terms,” he continues, “All I’m asking you is please, please, don’t shut me out.”

Bev wraps herself around Ben in a genuine embrace. She doesn’t cry but he can feel the emotions coming off of her in waves. Anger, fear, even sadness sheds from her as he holds her. He absorbs those feelings, welcomes them even, because it doesn’t hurt. Ben’s nose rests on her fiery colored hair as he processes those emotions for her,

“I got you,” he whispers into her hair, “You’re not alone, Bev.”

---

Richie is a free man.

Roger barely needed to work much lawyer magic and like a trooper he rolled right into the station the second he got into town. Grand total it took about an hour for Roger to convince Detective Lopez to let Richie go.

“How’d you get her to listen? I mean I’ve played some tough crowds but this chick was like a concrete wall,” Richie questions his lawyer.

Roger is exhausted and doesn’t answer right away. He seems half asleep at the wheel and it occurs to Richie how much his team cares about him. Even with the decent dollar signs attached to Richie, it’s worth noting that Roger drove through the night just for him. But then Richie’s had the same team since the beginning and they’ve known him since he was an eighteen year old little snot doing standup at open mic.

“It was easy,” Roger answers with a yawn, “I didn’t bullshit her. Made sure she knew it was a waste of resources to go after you.”

Richie definitely senses the emphasis of the word ‘bullshit’ aimed at him. He lets it slide though because he’s so deeply relieved not to be going to court or to jail for that matter. Richie knows damn well that he wouldn’t last a single night in the big house. He’d absolutely piss off the wrong person and either end up dead or somebody’s bitch. Richie doesn’t ever care to find out which.

“You’ll love the bed and breakfast we’re at,” Richie says as he looks out the window of Roger’s car, “and by love I mean hate. It looks like someone’s great aunt threw up upholstery. But it’s a place to sleep right? And once you’re rested you’ll come bail out ol’ Billy boy this afternoon.”

“Yeah, Richie, about that…”

“What?”

Roger looks incredibly guilty as he follows the GPS’s last instruction. He parks on the street and shuts the car off. Richie doesn’t like where this is going.

“Look, kid,” Roger sighs, “I meant it when I said I’d come back for your friend this afternoon but it’s not to get him out. I’m going back to talk out his story and see if I can prove him innocent.”

Richie feels bile rising up his throat. He can’t stand his stomach and the way it refuses to sit with anything terrible. Roger is equal parts apologetic and resigned. His bald head has the smallest bit of sweat on it, his mustache obscures any expression in his lip but his eyes say it all.

“You lied to me,” Richie is furious nonetheless.

“No. No, I never said I was coming back for anything specific. I said I was coming back for him I never said why.”

“Oh fuck you, Roger! A lie by omission is still a lie, you prick!”

“Hey! I got you out didn’t I?” Roger gets defensive now, “And I am going back for the other guy! I don’t have to do that, Richie, but I am. For you.”

Richie absorbs this in and pulls back his anger. Roger pulls a handkerchief out of his pocket and wipes the sweat from his forehead. Richie has no reason to doubt the man but air between them still asks for further explanation.

“Detective Lopez doesn’t have much choice except to arrest Bill and send him to court,” Roger explains, “A kid died, Richie. The pressure from his parents alone is enough to force her hand let alone the rest of the community. Who ever heard of a small town brushing off a dead child?”

“You don’t know Derry,” Richie replies sarcastically.

“Maybe you don’t. Maybe the Derry you grew up in and the Derry that exists now are different. Who am I to say? I don’t know and I don’t care much either. My condolences to the deceased and all but I’m certain your buddy didn’t do it. If he’s as good as you say he is I believe you and I’ll help him out.”

“I could hug you right now.”

“Oh, Jesus, spare me the theatrics, Richie.”

“Nope. We’re hugging. Come here.”

Roger makes a show of not reciprocating at first but then relents and pats Richie on the back. In many ways, Roger is like the lawyer uncle Richie never had. He sees him at holidays and when he’s in trouble. Really his whole team is like that, a family.

“I’m going to make a couple of calls before I head in,” Roger says before digging out his cell phone, “I remember a buddy of mine who used to teach had some super student from Maine. Henry Beaver or Reevers or something. Maybe he can give me an idea of what I’m working with in this state.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll go ahead and get you set up. Room’s on me.”

“You’re not deducting that from my pay.”

“Fuck you too, Roger.”

Richie leaves his lawyer to his calls. Luckily, the old lady who runs the place is available and manages to get a room together quickly. It’s the last one too. Richie is bouncing from nerves. He has confidence in Roger but he can’t help the nervousness bubbling up inside.

“His name is Roger Clemmings, just give him his key and let him up,” Richie explains, “he’s had a rough night.”

“Of course, dear,” the older woman answers.

Richie hears the front door opening behind him. He spins around, expecting Roger but instead finds Eddie half naked and shoeless. He’s shaking and completely out of breath.

“Eddie?” he rushes over to him out of concern and starts looking him over for injury, “Jesus Christ. What happened? Are you okay?”

“No. Yes. No. Yes and no.”

“Honey, do you need me to call the police?” the innkeeper asks, her hand already on the phone and ready to go.

“No. No. I’m fine. My whole world is falling apart but I’m fine.”

Richie takes off his coat and wraps it around Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie is having a full on mental breakdown and Richie is terrified. He tries to catch Eddie’s eyes with his own but they stare vacantly at nothing. Richie assures the woman behind the counter that he’ll see to Eddie.

Suddenly the door opens again. Roger is pulling in a suitcase and fumbling with a text message. He doesn’t see Richie and his shirtless friend but Richie panics. He grabs Eddie by the arm and pulls him into the nearest door. He crams into the tight space with him and shuts the door behind him all before Roger can see.

“Richie?” Eddie’s voice is close by in the dark.

Richie shushes him harshly. He listens as Roger chats up the older woman. She has the decency not to say anything about Richie’s sudden escape and Richie lets the momentary relief wash over him.

“Richie?” Eddie whispers this time.

“Yeah?”

“We’re in a closet.”

Richie would laugh if it wasn’t so painfully on the nose.

“Why are we in a closet?” Eddie expands.

“Oh, Eds, I wish I could answer that.”

The old woman and Roger are still talking. She’s chatting him up and Richie wants to take back every kind word he thought about her just seconds ago.

“Fuck,” Richie whisper screams, “what part about ‘just let him up’ doesn’t she understand?”

The closet Richie has trapped them in is housing a broom with dust pan and a handful of coats on one side. It smells a bit like mothballs and cinnamon. It’s not the worst place to inadvertently imprison oneself. Richie rests his forehead against the door and groans quietly.

“Richie?” Eddie asks again.

Richie turns toward his voice and instantly regrets his life choices. Because Eddie is so close. He’s too close. There’s maybe half an inch of distance between them. Richie’s insides split in two directions; wanting to get even closer and wanting to run away.

“...Eds” Richie answers finally.

Eddie puts his hands on Richie’s shoulder. Richie feels like that contact is going to cause him to pass out. Eddie’s fingers find the collar of Richie’s button up shirt and gently tug at him, collar and all, closer to Eddie.

“E- Eddie?” Richie’s old habits act up, “I know this is a romantic venue and all but-”

Richie doesn’t have time to diffuse the situation with humor because Eddie kisses him. He kisses him and-

This is fucking weird… Richie thinks.

Eddie’s lips are tightly lined. It feels almost like he’s grimacing. It’s as if he’s not committing to anything more than pressing his lips against Richie’s in the most non intimate way possible. Eddie stiffly ends the kiss and takes a half step back.

“Ah, okay,” Richie doesn’t know how to respond, “that, um, happened.”

“I didn’t feel anything…” Eddie says, sounding a thousand miles away.

“Well maybe if you didn’t kiss like mashing two dolls together!” Richie cries in his own defense, “Jesus, who taught you to swap spit?”

“I kind of didn’t learn actually.”

Excuse me? Richie thinks as he thanks the dark for hiding his expression.

“I always thought kissing would get you herpes,” Eddie explains quietly, “and by the time I knew better it didn’t matter. I kissed my wife at our wedding but I don’t really. I don’t kiss often.”

This is absolutely horrifying information for someone like Richie who, on more than a few occasions, has referred to himself as a slut.

“Wait, you’re not a- are you a virgin, Eddie?”

“No, asshole!” Eddie says a bit too loudly.

Richie hushes him again. He brings an ear to the door of the closet and listens. He hears the old woman chuckling at something Roger said. He curses under breath. Richie is desperate to get out of this closet, out of this conversation. It’s so painfully awkward.

“Think about it, Richie,” Eddie brings the topic back up, “think about the kind of mom I had. She didn’t want me to roll around in grass what the fuck do you think she told me about taking a- a roll in the hay?”

“You did not just make a Young Frankenstein reference instead of saying the word ‘sex’,” Richie is at his wit’s end.

He might as well be a virgin, Richie thinks, I haven’t had virgin since I was a teenager.

“I’m pretty sure that that phrase is older than Young Frankenstein, just saying,” Eddie points out, “And if you’re going to make fun of me then you can cancel our date thing. Fuck it. Fuck you”

“No!” Richie whisper yells.

Even after being told point blank that there’s no chemistry and that Eddie has been about as intimate as an artificial insemination, Richie isn’t ready to give up. Sure, it’s a little daunting to be faced with Eddie’s circumstances but who cares? What Richie saw in the final showdown, how he felt when he thought he lost Eddie for good, that means something. Richie can feel that in his goddamn guts.

“You really, really, don’t really know how this works?”

“Fuck you, asshole.”

“I’m seriously asking, Eds.”

Eddie mumbles his answer but Richie can tell it’s a yes. Richie decides to get down from his slutty high horse and really think about Eddie’s position. Richie knows what it’s like to wake up to sexuality. He’d slept with mostly women in his lifetime and he found it passable. It was about as thrilling as jerking off into a sock albeit far more comfortable. But men were a different story.

Richie has slept with a man before and it threw his entire life out of whack. It was nearly a holy experience and it almost got him out of the closet. Almost. By then he already had an established career as a straight man though and the idea of losing his career wasn’t worth the risk. Not even his team knows about his true proclivities. Which now that Richie thinks about it is entirely the reason he and Eddie are in this closet right now.

Richie can see Eddie in the dark. He can make out those puppy dog eyes looking off to the side in embarrassment. He sees generalized textures in his silhouette and good God does he find him beautiful. He wants to reach his hands under the borrowed jacket hanging off Eddie’s torso and touch everything he can.

You’ll freak him out, Richie stops himself, he can’t even kiss right and you want to grope him. Fucking relax. Shit.

“So I’ll show you what I know,” Richie settles, “as long as you’re feeling it I’ll keep going and if you’re not it’s cool. I mean I’m an asshole but I’m not a total asshole.”

Richie can see Eddie thinking the offer over. Richie’s spare coat moves in the dark in what looks like a shrug.

“Okay. Sure. Fuck it. Why not?”

“Real romantic of you, Eddie spaghetti.”

“Wow. I haven’t heard you call me that since we were kids. Good to know all your material is stagnant.”

Richie chuckles because honestly? That was a solid comeback. Eddie smiles back and chuckles. They both stand there laughing quietly in the dark like kids. Richie isn’t thinking about the fact that they’re stuck in here anymore. He just realizes that he likes Eddie smiling as much as he likes him pouting and annoyed. The moment fizzles out and they’re just staring at each other for a solid minute.

Richie gives Eddie a quick peck on the lips because he can’t take it anymore. He has to give something to him, something better than that sad excuse of a kiss from earlier. Richie pulls back quickly, worried that he may have been too fast. He’s genuinely surprised to have Eddie mimic the maneuver.

Richie isn’t sure if it’s the close quarters of the smell of sweat coming off of Eddie that’s putting him on a high but he goes with it. He leans his body into Eddie’s. Eddie’s back gently hits the back wall but Richie takes care not to dominate the position. He kisses Eddie again, slowly and softly. Eddie repeats the gesture and this is what Richie had been picturing all this time.

Richie licks Eddie’s bottom lip, prompting him and Eddie takes to it like a natural. Eddie’s mouth is a little dry but that’s to be expected since he had physically exerted himself earlier. Richie doesn’t care. He lets his tongue wet Eddie’s and together their kiss moves into something makes the whole closet feel hot and heavy.

Eddie places his hands on Richie’s hips and the contact sends strong signals to his member. Eddie gives a cautious bite to Richie’s lower lip that comes off as seductive, coy even. Richie can’t tell if this is experimental or if Eddie’s really feeling it but right now he doesn’t care. It feels good. Eddie feels good and Richie’s been wanting this for a long time.

“I thought you didn’t know what you’re doing,” Richie swallows hard as they break their kiss.

“Don’t ruin it,” Eddie murmurs and kisses him again.

Light floods into the closet and the older woman squeaks at finding the two men in their compromising position.

“Christ!” Richie shouts and flings himself as far away from Eddie as physically possible.

“Oh! Oh my!” the woman continues to stammer, “No! It’s fine, boys! I’m- I’m hip! My nephew is a homosexual! He and his boyfriend are wonderful people!”

Eddie silently exits the closet and heads upstairs, leaving Richie to the awkwardness alone. Richie doesn’t see this silent escape until it’s too late.

“Well, we’re not exactly boyfriends-” Richie desperately tries to rouse some sort of explanation.

“It’s fine! Really! I prefer people do those sort of things in their rooms but you’re not the first couple I’ve stumbled on in there! No shame, sweetie! No shame!”

Richie seems to put his embarrassment aside as his ear picks up on that last fact.

“Really? Other people have done this?”

“Well,” she retracts a bit, “maybe not in the same manner as you. But I’ve found a couple or two after a stormy night entangled in there. Don’t feel bad.”

She may be the first person ever to directly tell Richie not to be ashamed of what he’s done with another man. Richie really looks at her for the first time; she’s upwards of sixty for sure and dressed like a Stevie Nicks impersonator. She’s not cookie cutter like so much of Derry was and still is. Richie berates himself for making fun of her interior decorating earlier.

“What’s your name again?” he asks her.

“Doris,” she answers slowly, “I’m pretty sure I said that when we met.”

“I had a lot on my mind then and I’m kind of an asshole.”

Doris nods in consideration which makes Richie laugh. He starts to head up the stairs.

“Well Doris, you’re getting an excellent Yelp review after all this.”

“Oh good,” Doris smiles.

Richie can barely contain himself at the top step as he hears Doris mutter to herself:

“The fuck is a yelp?”

#reddie #it chapter 3 ff #benverley #ich3-3 #btw #if I was casting actors for Doris and Roger?#Lily Tomlin would be doris #and Nick Sandow would be Roger

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aleapoffaithfiction · 6 years ago

Text

XIII.

I wanna know how much time you spent on them paragraphs Where you're getting me All that grey in our conversation history, you Playin' mind games, when you sayin' things

“Stop, stop, stop. I’m done for the day. I’m…done.”

Beads of perspiration tickled the edges of my forehead as I quickly snatched a towel off of the couch and hobbled out of the living room. My momma’s sigh was loud enough for me to have heard it as I continued to distance myself from what was mentally and physically draining me minute by minute. Hisses spilled from my lips with every step that I took, but I continued to walk as best as I could until I was secluded from the hecticness happening within the house.

Dorsiflexion, plantarflexion, inversion, eversion, bilateral calf raises, unilateral calf raises, and everything else; I couldn’t take another second of it no matter how hard I tried to push myself through. With every movement, there’s this terrifying anxiety that washes over me and it causes me to want to take a seat and leave my ankle alone. I’ll never forget the feeling of when it snapped as I hit the ground. The wail that left me still haunts my conscious. As I was carted off of the field to be seen by the medical staff, I leaned over and threw up by the time we were deep into the tunnel. The excruciating pain evoked a trembling that I could not stop and the reality of my season being over worsened it. They didn’t have to tell me what I already knew.

The angst I dealt with while in the hospital took just as much of a toll on me as the injury itself. It might have even been worse. No matter how many drugs they pumped into me just to comfort me enough to send me into a slumber, I could still feel almost all of the discomfort and a never-ending throbbing from the surgical procedure performed to repair it. My stomach remained in knots while waves of nausea would randomly hit me from all of the morphine. My momma and Sarai kept stuffing me with food to decrease my complaints about it. With every doctor and nurse that walked in and out of the room for the week that I was there, it felt like a whirlwind that I was never going to be able to get out of. I’m thankful for my loved one’s efforts to be up there with me as much as they could, because I know I would have had some kind of a breakdown if I weren’t distracted by their conversations, jokes, card games, and overnight stays.

I’ve been doing two sessions of physical therapy per day for a little over a week now and despite their insistence that all is well, I can’t help but to feel like one wrong move will have me starting this process all over again. My ankle doesn’t feel the same. No matter how much they emphasize the fact that I’m still within the healing phase, it doesn’t stop me from noticing how unsteady I feel without the walking boot on and the difference in how the bone used to feel. Time is of the essence. I know that now more than ever, but my mental state isn’t there just yet.

During interviews, I get asked all the time, what would I be doing if I weren’t playing football and half of the time I either give a bullshit response or I genuinely respond that I don’t know. I really don’t know and I don’t want to know. Ever since I was a kid, I knew I’d be professional athlete. Whether it was basketball, soccer, baseball, or football, I was assured in myself making it. Football came to me the easiest and put me in the best position to go pro, so I put my all into it. I love my job. It can be a rollercoaster ride of different emotions and predicaments, but I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else. God has to be on my side with this. My ankle has to heal right.

“Hey. You okay?” Her soft tone immediately caught my attention and I panned my eyes in my momma’s direction as she stood in the doorway. Her lack of entry was her way of giving me some space.

“I’m good. I’m good.” At least, I want to be.

“What’s bothering you?”

“It just doesn’t feel the same. I’ve been injured before. You know I fractured two bones in my back at Newman. Of course, my rookie year in the league, I tore my hamstring twice. But this shit? I don’t know. I was confident in my comeback for those, but it’s hard to paint the picture now with it feeling like my ankle is capable of snapping again at any minute. Excuse my language, by the way. Sorry for cursing.”

“You had more x-rays done two weeks ago and we spoke to both the surgeon and the specialist. There isn’t a better fix than the one that you have right now. You wouldn’t have been cleared for physical therapy if it wasn’t time. You’re still healing son. It’s not going to happen overnight. This is much different from your fractured back and hamstring issues. Give it some time.”

“I’m trying to.”

“It’s only been a little under three months since the operation. The road to full recovery continues.”

“Right.” I didn’t mean to sound dismissive, but I’m tired of thinking about it. None of this was on my mind while I was in New Orleans.

“Why don’t you try the aquatic therapy before you end the day? It’ll be like yesterday with you just lying in the water. He said it’s the last thing he wanted to do with you before they get out of here anyway.” I rarely ever take naps, but I’d rather do that so that I can shut down my thoughts for a while rather than sitting in some water and wallowing in them even more.

“Alright. Give me a minute.”

I was in no rush to move. What should have taken two minutes or less turned into ten. My slow trailing to the master bathroom was deliberate and yet the patience remained between both my momma and one of the many physical therapists and trainers I’m going to be working with before this entire process is all said and done.

“Give me twenty minutes Beckham and you’re done. I won’t push you any further. You’ve done very well today.”

“Alright. Cool.”

In an effort to shift my thoughts elsewhere, I put my wireless Beats headphones over my head. Drake’s “Nothing Was the Same” served as my sitting soundtrack. His discography was the last thing I was listening to anyway, so I might as well continue on with it.

I miss you.

An alert with Sarai’s message popped up at the top of the screen and my eyes instantly narrowed at the words she chose to send. Thoughts of her is something else I’ve been trying to avoid since I opened my eyes this morning and it’s been the hardest task of them all.

I knew life would go back to normal once the jet landed in Teterboro, New Jersey and we were back into the reality of our lives outside of one another but I didn’t know it would turn into over a week of nothingness. I know the hours she works five days a week can be exhausting, so I’m more than willing to come to her to make it easier but Taylor being in town has kept me at way more than just an arm’s length away from her.

All I’ve been left with is watching her every morning on the show and the occasional text messages she’d send to check on me; not even phone calls. Yesterday afternoon, she told me that she planned to come and spend the night with me and I eagerly held her to that until she flaked on me late last night with an excuse of being too tired to move off of her couch. So, her missing me isn’t holding much weight right now. I don’t doubt it, but I’m ten minutes away. It doesn’t take much to see me.

I thought I was going to sleep with you last night and waking up to you this morning. You wouldn’t have had to miss me if that happened.

I believe in the savior, I read the bible, although it’s not as often as it should be, and I wholeheartedly believe in all of the plans that he has for me. I’m not as prone to look into anything beyond that when it comes to souls and spirituality but I’ve found myself in a space of wonder and now a quiet acceptance at what I’ve felt since we landed in my home. In my choice to invite her out there, I thought it would be a nice getaway for herself and a way to further us getting to explore things about one another that you’ll never be able to find on the internet. That exploration has emotionally driven me to a point of no return.

Just the sound and sight of her laughter evoked responses from my body that I know she didn’t notice with her keen eyes but I certainly felt within me. Whether it was the fluttering with my stomach or my need to protect her intensifying; it was there. Every conversation we shared stored into my memory, word by word, and played back many times over so they’d forever be engraved.

Our quiet outings with one another didn’t feel like dates. I feel like there are expectations and far too many impressions that you need to leave on a person whenever the date title is involved, although I don’t mind using it. With Sarai, it just felt like I was hanging out with one of my best friends. What impressed us didn’t involve extravagance. She actually scolded me for renting such a massive space for us to reside in during our stay. All we did was eat and bask in one another and the time we were able to spend away from here. Mentally, I never mustered up a single thought about our intimacy going beyond us only spending time together without any outside interruptions. Despite my quiet yearning for her, there was no pressure or haste for any of that. Throughout that day, I could feel a shift in the energy between us. I couldn’t quite explain it or comprehend what it meant, but the way it radiated between the two of us said far more than any words spilling from our lips ever could.

Our limbs only responded to what our souls were calling for. Every inch of her connected to me in a perfection that I’ve never experienced in the life that I’ve lived thus far. Her taste; my God. Anything that has gone through the test of my tasting is incomparable. Her nectar distinctively tastes like it’s made solely for me and I’m drunkenly hooked; I can never have enough of it.

As my flesh drowned into hers, I lost myself into her world. My awareness solely became hers. It became my mission to learn her every tick, gasp, and need. Nothing else mattered. Her haven welcomed me, leaving me safe and sound within her arms. The tears that filled her eyes evoked a flood of them into mine. She rendered me to speechlessness.

I could only show her my every emotion. I didn’t know I was waiting for her until now. I didn’t know how much I needed her until now. How could such flawlessness exist? I….just. How can I put it into words? It’s never been this way for me before. I’ve always been someone in control of most things about myself and of what I allow into my life but Sarai? She’s shaken me up to the core. I am willingly at her mercy. I know no other way to be for her.

It’s unnerving and yet beautiful all at once. I find myself laughing at myself because I never thought I’d be here. After all of the juvenile conversations I’ve had with my pops and a shit ton of my friends, I figured the bachelor or temporary relationship life would be it for me until I randomly settled down with some long-term girlfriend later on down the line. As they all put it, it would be less troublesome and no paperwork involved. I could see why the easy way out is appealing, but the harsh reality is that it wouldn’t be worth it.

I’m sorry, babe. I really was tired. After finishing up an episode of the Podcast yesterday evening, I ended up having to head right into the city for a birthday dinner. By the time I got home, I had no energy to do anything other than sleep.

I don’t even want to argue. What’s the point of doing so over something that’s such an easy fix?

So, what’s our plans for tonight then?

Shep is throwing Chanel a surprise gathering in a venue room in condominium they currently reside in. He’s proposing to her at some point today and then the party is celebrating that and her birthday tonight. He and I had a couple of conversations about the deep love that he has for her and he’d been telling me that he found the one for him maybe a month or two after they got into a relationship. I remember when he came over here to tell me that he planned to propose and I wasn’t shocked in the slightest. I just told him how proud I am of him for taking such a huge step and jokingly said that I wouldn’t be doing it any time soon.

Sterling reached out to me and invited me to a party tonight for Chanel. I’m sure that you know about it and will most likely be there. I have an event that I have to go to prior to it but I may stop by to give her my love.

I almost ruined the surprise aspect of the party two days ago. I was in the car with Shep and I took the phone from him and told her that we’d see her on Friday for her birthday, but thankfully she didn’t think anything of it. He didn’t tell me he was inviting Sarai though, with his sneaky ass.

And after that?

If my ankle wasn’t in its current state, I’d suggest that we go skiing this weekend. I can’t afford the possibility of falling though; at least not right now. We’ll have to hold off on that until next year around this time.

Your place.

Taylor must still be around.

I’m holding you to that.

If she shows up to the party tonight, we can just proceed back here from there, hopefully together.

You have my word. See you tonight.

Now what the hell am I going to wear?

“Where you heading to momma?” I pulled my red Supreme x Louis Vuitton hoodie over my head before glancing over at her. The comfort wear she had on earlier was gone and she switched up into stuff she typically wears when she’s heading out for a night on the town. The Chanel bag on her shoulder is one of those random gifts from me. I picked it up the other day because I felt like she’d like it. I got something for my baby too.

“Dinner with Tammy. You need anything before I head out?”

“Nah. I’m good.”

“Make sure you give Chanel and Sterling my love. Tell them I said congratulations. I’m so thrilled for them.”

“I will.” With the pictures the two of them shared on social media, the news is already heavily circulating around all of the social media apps.

“You coming back home tonight?”

“Yeah, why?” A snicker slipped out as I glance over at her again. Where did that question come from?

“I don’t know. It’s the weekend. I figured you’d be hanging out or something.”

“Yeah, I’m going to the party. After that, I’m supposed to kick it with Sarai here.” That’s what she really wanted to know but she just didn’t want to be obvious with her nosiness.

“Oh good. That way you can stop moping around here.”

“Moping? I haven’t been moping.”

“Oh yes you have. The last time I seen you smile extra hard was over a week ago when we all had breakfast together before you two left to fly back home. Since then, you’ve been around here with the sour face. Oh, young love. I miss those days.”

“Yeah, okay momma.” As I playfully rolled my eyes, she giggled and shook her head. She’s nearly as blissful about this as I am. She spent more time conversing with Sarai in the kitchen than she did with me the morning before we left. It turns out they share quite a bit in common, including running track and field in high school and their love of fashion.

“Give her my love too. Maybe she and I can have that lunch date we spoke about. I’ll shoot her text tomorrow.”

“I will.”

Once I grabbed my phone to look at the time, I immediately sucked my teeth because I’m damn near late. That brief nap I took ran over far more time than it should have. I should have been ready a long ass time ago and I’m still standing here in the mirror, putting on jewelry.

“I need to get out of here. I hope the driver is outside.”

I would have driven myself over there, but I don’t know how much I’m going to drink tonight and I’d rather not risk having to sleep on Shep’s couch on the night that he got engaged to the love of his life. That’s cockblocking on a whole new level.

“Be safe tonight.”

“Will do. I left the car keys on the coffee table for you.” As soon as I clasped my watch on my arm, I slipped my phone into my pocket and shut all of the lights off in my bedroom. Yet again, I sucked my teeth and turned around to turn a few of them back on. I couldn’t leave without making up the bed. It would be tasteless of me to have her lay in it with the blanket and the sheets all over the place. Lastly, I jogged into the closet and grabbed one of my practice t-shirts to place on her side of the bed so she’ll have something to sleep in.

“The car is here!”

“On my way down right now.”

I didn’t even bother with turning off the lights again. I just grabbed Chanel’s gift, trekked down the stairs, gave my momma a kiss, and ran out of the door. I already know Shep is like five seconds off of calling to see where I’m at.

When we first spoke about the surprise party, initially the plans were to do something bigger but after taking Chanel’s personality into consideration and the importance of the moment, the intimate setting fit better. From the time I walked through the doors, I appreciated the vibe. There’s nothing industry about it. There’s no paparazzi flooding the front of the building, like it would have been if he booked out some nightclub in Manhattan.

There are no cameras or media personalities walking around the partying looking for some hot take to post for the sake of driving up the website traffic for whatever publication or blog they work for. The only camera being worked around the room is Jeff’s and he’s doing so to create memories for the happy couple. Aside from our teammates, who we consider to be our brothers, no one here is really what anyone would consider to be industry and I’m glad of that.

“This nigga really has on a Supreme walking boot. You can’t get no swaggier than that.” Otto drew attention to my boot as soon as he pointed down at it and I instantly stuck out my foot to show it off in a playfully exaggerated manner. Every time I wear this thing, it’s pointed out with some kind of commentary. It’s definitely something I would do, but I can’t take credit for it this time. Sarai gets it all, though I can’t brag on it by saying that.

“Aye, you know me.”

I dipped my chip down into the dip bowl for yet another round of the snack that I’ve damn near eaten all of. It’s been a minute since I’ve been to a party with a good ass dip. Shep gon’ have to tell me where that came from.

“Thank you for the gift lil’ big bro. I can’t wait to wear it.” Chanel wrapped me into another bear hug. I’d gotten her a diamond necklace made with Shep’s number on it that’s identical to the one that I got for him. I remembered her talking about stealing his, so I figured I’d get her one made so it wouldn’t have to come down to that. It falls right in line with that corny couple shit that they love anyway.

“It’s no problem. I’m happy for ya’ll. I appreciate you for making my lil’ brother happy. You really are his whole heart.”

“And he’s mine.” Her eyes panned down to my phone for a brief second. I’d just liked the picture Sarai shared on Instagram. She’s covered in velvet from head to toe and she looks absolutely incredible. I couldn’t just skim away from it like I’d do any other picture on my timeline.

“And she’s yours huh? I think she’s coming tonight.”

“I heard.”

“Look at how your eyes just lit up. I’m happy for you too.”

“Happy about what?” As hard as it is, I had to play it off for the sake of practice. I’ve always been private and reserved about certain aspects of my life, but with this, sometimes I just want to proudly scream it from the mountain tops. Sometimes I want to be just as proud as the next man who is happily committed to someone.

“You know what I’m happy about. Besides, your boy can have a big mouth sometimes. I’ve heard about a lot, including the trip.” Her wink immediately made me look over at Shep, who had been dancing by the ping pong table for the past couple of minutes.

“Aye Shep! We on that table!” I shouted loud enough to be heard over the music and he instantly threw me a thumbs up in agreement for the ass whooping that’s about to come. He’s not seeing me in ping pong.

“Aw. I didn’t mean to put you in the hot seat.”

“You didn’t. It’s cool.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s cool. I’m good.”

I don’t know what to say about her and I. I know what I want to say but none of that can be it. I had to choose somebody to fully confide in and Shep was it. I just needed an ear to not only vent about the frustrating times we’ve had thus far, but also to excitedly discuss how joyed I am. I figured if anyone could relate to me and what I’m feeling right now, it had to be him so he’s my go to. While my momma and siblings know the basic aspects of she and I, Shep knows it all…down to the ultimate intimacy we’ve shared.

Based upon Sarai’s standards, that’s probably one too many people. I stand firm in my belief that no one on her end knows about me; not even Taylor.

“You ready for this ass whooping?”

“A hundred dollars on it?” I knew he’d turn it into a bet.

“Bet.”

What started out as an intense and yet hilarious game turned into nothing more than us dancing around the table to Future songs. Our locker room antics made its way to the small area that didn’t have any furniture and a dance off began. Aside from being on the field, it’s what I’ve been missing the most. After practice or after one hell of a game, we ease the tension away by putting on a Beats Pill in the locker room and just rocking out right in the middle of the floor. Sometimes we’ll even get Eli’s off beat ass into the mix.

I catch plenty of criticism for all of the dancing, but I really don’t give a fuck about any of that. I’ve learned since coming into the league how much people aim to deliberately steal your joy because they’re either miserable or just don’t want to see you being happy. I can’t live my life trying to please people like that because I’ll end up in that same mental space.

“Throw on that Free Smoke!”

Italian bergamot sprinkled with warm cinnamon slithered past my nose. Cocoa and hints of jasmine left me in a state of total surrender as I stood still, looking like the odd one amongst the rowdy crew. I smelled her before I could see her. It’s the same exact scent that oozed from her skin the night I left my kisses on every part of her that I desired to. Those chargrilled oysters we had with the crawfish were nothing in comparison to the aphrodisiac that is her scent. I can feel myself flinching in my pants and I’ve yet to turn around.

All it took was a glance over my shoulder for me to see her wrapped up into Chanel’s arms. In her hands were two shopping bags from Gucci. Like women tend to do, they were fawning over one another with compliments and kisses to their cheeks. Her milk chocolate skin illuminated under the dim lighting with a glow unlike any other woman in the room, including the bride to be. I know it to be true, because what was once a crew of dancers, turned into an audience for her.

“Sarai!”

Shep left us all to stand there looking like morons. As the seconds went by, I was the last moron standing in place. If they weren’t going to greet her, they were going to meet her. Though she’d protest against anyone ever deeming her to be anything of the sort, she became the power in the room just that quickly.

Our eyes met briefly. Her wave was like that of one that she’d give a stranger randomly walking by. It was calculated and without emotion. I could only nod in response to it. The table I was once sitting at awaited me and I returned to it without much said. What could I say anyway?

“You good?” I threw back another glass of Ace of Spades with a nod. I could smell the Hennessy on his breath as he flopped down into the chair next to me. My stomach couldn’t handle dark liquor tonight, especially not mixed in with champagne. I’ll be throwing up my insides in no time If I try it.

“I’m good.”

“Otto tryna’ steal your girl.” Oh, I know. His mouth may not be saying it, but his eyes are. If he bites his lip one more time, I just might launch this bottle at his head. He’s over there deliberately standing amongst the women just to be in her face.

“I know. I see him.” The amusement on Shep’s face said it all. He’s entertained by all of this.

“You should see your face. You look like you want to kill him. That’s why I came over here. Cool down tiger.”

“I’m cool.”

“You in love huh?” I don’t even want to talk about love and if I’m in it right now. Love is complex. Is that why I’m in a maze right now?

“Shep, my girl is in the room, and I can’t speak to her. I have to sit here and watch my teammate all but ask for her number, and I can’t say a motherfucking thing. You want to talk about love when we’re in that type of space?”

“Yeah, because you wouldn’t be reacting this way if it weren’t involved.”

“I’m not reacting.”

“But you are. I just said that you look like you want to kill something. You look like one wrong move and you’re going to fuck up this party.”

��I would never do that.”

“I know that, but you’re on the edge. You’re my brother. I can see it. It’s nothing wrong with it. She is too. You just have your heart on your sleeve.” And that’s the frightening part.

“Yeah, just me.”

“Not just you. Just you within this moment.”

“Why did I have to go the complex route? Look at you and Cha Cha. Ya’ll are happy and just living life. There are no restrictions or obstacles in your way. My situation? It’s nothing but that. I’ve never wanted something so bad in my life, bro. At one point, all I could think about was winning chips. It’s what drove me, aside from making sure that my family is good. It still does, but now, the first thing on my mind when I wake up in the morning is her. I’m going to sleep thinking about her. I’m thinking about shit for my life that I swore off.”

“So, love.” His laughter wasn’t loud enough to draw attention to us but I could hear it well enough as I watched her shake hands with Brad. He and I go way back to LSU, but I’ll still check his ass if need be.

“Whatever, man.”

“Nothing worth something comes to you easily. That can be said for anything in life. Chanel and I were not as easy as you assume. We just worked at it from the very beginning and shit just flowed. She played hard to get for a lil’ minute. You know that.”

“I know.”

“Ya’ll got something special. I know it because I’ve never seen you like this before. I’ve never even heard you talking like his. We talk about God all the time. What you were once just admiring and thought was a silly crush made its way into your life and proved itself to be something for you. I don’t think that’s some coincidence. What’s for you is for you. Trust it. Those are your words, not mine. I just believe in them just as much as you do now.” During one of our earlier conversations about all of this, I did say that. I still don’t think it’s a coincidence. It’s a blessing for sure, but even your blessings come with a couple of lessons to learn.

“I hear you.”

“Alright then, so get your ass up.”

I thought we were going back to the ping pong table, but he was pulling me out there to dance. This time around, it wasn’t just an all guy thing. We got the women in the room involved in too. Sarai? Not so much. She sat with a cup of soda in her hand and exhaustion in her eyes. The long work day and whatever event she attended tonight drained out whatever energy she had left.

“Bruh, I might shoot my shot. I know so many have tried and failed, but fuck it. I’m willing to take the L.” Liquid courage revved up Otto’s boldness as he hung off my shoulder and ogled at the prize; my prize. In an instant my jaw clenched.

“She doesn’t look like she’s up for that.” And neither am I.

“She looks like she’s chilling to me. You got some gum or something?”

“Nah.”

“Aye man. Chill out. Abort that mission immediately. She out of ya league playboy.” Shep’s joke earned laughter out of the both of them. It served as a much needed distraction. Instead of approaching her, he was now wrapped up in a senseless conversation while I leisurely made my way across the room to be within inches of her presence.

“Tired?” As soon as I extended my hand, she latched hers onto it for a handshake. The warmth of her palm soothed the pressure within my shoulders and back effortlessly. Apprehension filled her eyes as she turned her head from side to side to take in the room.

“Very.”

“Head start?” I reached into my pocket for my keys and slowly withdrew them. Her eyes instantly widened.

“Beckham.”

“No one is paying attention to us. Just shake my hand again.” As she had done just a moment ago, she placed her hand onto mine and just like that, my house keys were in her possession.

“See you in a bit.”

I walked away before she had a chance to tell me to do so and within minutes, she began to make her rounds to bid her goodbyes to those who she knew. She spoke with Chanel for an extended time, as I expected, and with a final wave and thanks for the invitation, she left out as quietly as she came in. Her head start wouldn’t be too extended because I’m getting out here soon. I don’t need to become any tipsier than I already am. The next morning hangover is never pretty.

“We don’t have save the dates or anything like that ready, but I’m telling you now that I need you as one of my groomsmen.” I immediately dapped him in appreciation. I’ve only been to one wedding in my life and the experience was boring as hell if you ask me. I need some sort of redemption and I’m honor to be a part of one of my closest friends’ big day.

“You got it brother. Just let me know when and where. We gon’ make that bachelor weekend something epic.”

“Ya’ll better. Not too crazy though.”

“Look at you. Already washed up and you ain’t even walk down the aisle yet.”

“You starting to look a little washed too brother.” His laughter was solo. If he didn’t think I lived out Jay-Z’s “Big Pimpin” verse every day, he wouldn’t find any of this so funny. I was and am not that damn bad.

“You know what, I’m out. You clowning.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know where you’re rushing too. It’s cool. Hit me tomorrow.”

“Bet. Congratulations again. As your pops, I couldn’t be any prouder of you son.”

“Man, if you don’t go somewhere.”

After our shared hug, I didn’t go around the room for any goodbyes, because if I did, I would have been there for another hour. My parting was general and I left out after using the bathroom.

Having to ring my own doorbell may have been the funniest part of the night. Initially, it was awkward, but I ended up slightly laughing when an annoyed Sarai opened the door after I pressed the bell one too many times.

I didn’t expect so much darkness when I stepped into the house. She hadn’t gone anywhere besides the living room because it was the only light on. My momma beat us here, because the car’s in the driveway. She has to be sleeping.

“Really?” I figured she’d go straight to bed, but instead, she returned back to her position of being sprawled out on all of the floor with not just Mowgli and Eris, but Khan and Blackjack too. She had The Wood on to preoccupy her time. She hadn’t even taken off her jacket. The heels were off though.

“If I didn’t stay awake, how else were you going to get in?”

“I thought you’d at least change your clothes.”

“You want me walking around your home in a t-shirt while your mother’s here? That may not be the best idea.” Usually as soon as I walk in the door, all four of the dogs are at my feet and awaiting my attention. Tonight, they didn’t even flinch at the sight of me. She’s not only casted her spell on me, but on them too.

“You hungry or thirsty?”

“I had some coconut water when I came in. I’m alright. I think I may be coming down with something. Like a flu, maybe.”

“Like a stomach flu?” As she leaned forward, I flopped down on the couch behind her and she leaned her back against it again. My next move was to grab her ponytail so that I could run my fingers through it.

“No. Like a cold or something. I have a headache and my throat is slightly sore. Maybe it’s because I’m tired and have been talking all day. I hope it’s that.”

“Want some aspirin?”

“I took some already. I keep a bottle in my bag.”

“You should just go to bed then. It’s not like you have to get up in the morning. You can sleep in. I won’t bother you.” We’ll be sleeping in together, because I’m tired my damn self. I’ve been up since six. That nap did nothing for me.

“After the movie. I just put it on. You had therapy today?”

“Yeah.” Though we can talk to one another about anything, I didn’t want to say much of anything about that. After today’s frustration, I feel like somewhat of a failure.

“How was it?”

“It wasn’t my best effort. Every time I step down on it with all of my weight, it just feels unsteady. The discomfort isn’t easy either. Shit, I’m feeling some soreness from all of the dancing I was doing tonight.” The movie became an afterthought as she turned around and reached for the boot, she gifted to me. The dogs and myself looked on as she slowly released the straps and pulled it off. Relief washed over me when I felt the freeness.

“What are you doing?” My feet aren’t the prettiest. I didn’t expect her to pull my sock off but she did. Slowly, her fingers kneaded into my ankle. Yet again, it’s another moment of me wondering if she’s real or mythical.

“You have to trust it. Most of all, you have to trust yourself. Once you do that, all of the worry will be behind you.”

“I’m working on that.”

“You know your body better than anyone else does. You take better care of your body than most people I know. I read how you put at least three hundred thousand dollars into your body during the off season to make sure you’re well and ready for the fall. This is no different. Believe in your process and the ankle will follow.” She leaned her head down and aligned her lips at the beginning mark of the surgical scar. Finally, she trailed kisses down its entirety and back up to the beginning point where she started. Chills gradually trickled all over my frame as I lay there in silence. Sometimes I can’t stand the sight of that scar and here she is, kissing it.

“Flaws and all, Beckham. Flaws and all.”

“Thank you.”

It’s one thing to quietly hope that someone accepts you with any flaws that you may come with, but it’s something spiritual to hear it being told to you. I’ve known of her acceptance since she stood up for me. It was the first time in a long time that I not only felt understood, but also properly seen, heard, and genuinely applauded.

“Just trust it.” She placed one last kiss over my scar and lazily flopped back down into the position she was once in before.

Though she missed a few minutes of the movie, she didn’t bother with rewinding it. My fingers found their way back into her ponytail as I attempted to watch it along with her. It failed to keep my attention for more than ten minutes. No matter how hard I tried stay awake, my body’s plea for sleep won.

“Sarai.” The TV read just ten minutes after five in the morning. What started off as a comfortable sleep turned into me tossing and turning for more space than I had. I should have gotten in the bed in the first place.

“I know you not asleep on that floor.”

The dogs were still there but she wasn’t. The boots were no longer alongside the couch and instead of her black bag still being on the coffee table, my keys were there.

Suddenly the urge to fall back to sleep ceased as disappointment overwhelmed me.

#fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #fan fic #odell beckham jr fanfic #odell beckham fanfic

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anissapierce · 5 years ago

Text

tagged by @effeminnate

Quarantine Survey!

🌿 If you can go outside, what do you like to do during this time?

I try not to go outside tbh, i like walking the dogs etc but i only go out if i absolutely have to (like yesterdays shopping) but i didnt Like it b/c it took me forever to get there and even longer to get home bc it was hard carrying my purchases

🌿 What are you currently reading or watching?

Neither babbbbbiiiiii, im keeping up superstore and superstore Only. But I am listening to tons of nonfiction and quite a bit of fiction podcasts. Watching or reading takes too much attn, i guess i on occasion will watch an instalive but tht hasn’t happened in like two weeks bc the stuff im doing now requires more of my attn.

🌿 Any fascinating concept you’re studying?

lol im not going on any deep dives generally i dnt have tht attn for tht rn....

🌿 What kinds of acts of creativity/forms of art are you currently doing?

I guess meta for podcasts is a form of art? also uhhhhh reorganizing my room and putting together outfits is a type of creativity

🌿 A song/s that resonates with your state of mind at the moment?

Thao and the get down stay down- Phenom though honestly her whole discography

youtube

🌿 Favorite impulsive/’bad’ coping techniques?

ignoring schoolwork via organizing my room, which has been going on for a month now, i like being able to feel like i did sth and cleaning and organizing does tht

i tag @queazy @johnnycashthighhighboots i was gonna spell sth out who i tagged but i have a headaches so i give up, whoever wants to do this can

#get to know memes

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agirlnamedally · 6 years ago

Note

Come on girl, share your Taylor thought breakdown with us please and thank you

haha okay this is what i sent:

He already knows rep and lover really well (better than me) but not so much the older albums, so those are the ones i went through. He was planning on listening to each album and I said I’d give him my recommendations, going backwards in chronological order so as not to overwhelm him immediately with young Tay country world haha.

Red

Red (this song makes me feel like driving somewhere and once you know the chorus it’s the most fun to sing along. Great bridge)

Treacherous (I only re-realised yesterday what an incredible song this is. Favourite lyrics: “all we are is skin and bone, trained to get along”. AMAZING bridge at 2:55. Also feels like a car belt out song. Another great lyric: “nothing safe is worth the drive”)

All Too Well (widely known as one of he lyrically best songs ever, it was originally 15 minutes and had to be cut down. This bridge hits the soul: “YOU CALL ME UP AGAIN JUST TO BREAK ME LIKE A PROMISE, SO CASUALLY CRUEL IN THE NAME OF BEING HONEST”. Damn. Truly one of the best bridges of all time and so satisfying to sing. So honest and vulnerable. Also love the imagery of “here we are again in the middle of the night, dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light”)

Holy Ground (this song is underrated in my opinion, it feels like meeting someone for the first time and having an immediate connection, “spinning like a girl in a brand new dress, we had this big wide city all to ourselves” it’s those moments when you feel like your life is a movie)

Starlight (my friends don’t care for this song at ALL but it means so much to me. Written when she was dating Connor Kennedy - JFK’s grandson - and heard stories from his grandma Ethel about their love, so wrote this song from her perspective. It’s so sweet and sparkly about love in 1945. Favourite lyric: “he’s talking crazy, dancing with me, we could get married and teach them how to dream”

Speak Now (my current fave TS album)

Mine (one of my ALL TIME FAVOURITE Taylor songs. Brings back the happiest memories. Not sure if this would be counted as Too country but it’s just so pure and love-filled. “You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter”

Sparks Fly (mostly for the bridge, “keep on keeping your eyes on me… just wrong enough to make it feel right // I’m captivated by you baby like a firework show)

Dear John (this one is on par with All Too Well as one of her best written, most vulnerable. Hard to listen to as a Mayer fan but it’s just the perspective of a 19 year old who got in too deep. Incredible bridge [shocking]: “you are an expert at sorry, and keeping lines blurry, never impressed by me acing your tests. All the girls that you run dry, have dried lifeless eyes cause you burned them out. But I took your matches before fire could catch me, so don’t.. look… now…. I’m SHINING LIKE FIREWORKS OVER YOUR SAD! EMPTY! TOWN!!!!!!”

The Story Of Us (fun, upbeat, cute, very early Taylor Swift which is somewhat similar to Lover the album. Fairytale kinda love)

Enchanted (SUCH A GOOD SONG OMG. The imagery in these lyrics is amazing. This song builds so much it’s practically the definition of a granger. “Please don’t be in love with someone else, please don’t have somebody waiting on you”. Feels like meeting someone in a fleeting moment, locking eyes and needing to see them again.

Better Than Revenge (A petty, fun song. Written after Joe Jonas broke her heart and dumped her in a 30 second phone call and then wrote an awful song called Much Better about his new girlfriend. Super tongue in cheek and a little immature but when you’re a teenager and you feel like someone stole your boyfriend you gotta write it out. We stan.)

Last Kiss (a song for if you’re still in love with someone. I don’t listen to this as much but it’s beautiful. I have a playlist called “that July ninth” because of it)

Long Live (one of her best songs ever. So much amazing imagery again. Typical American high school nostalgia for a time I never lived through. An incredibly unifying, empowering song. Dedicated to her band and team, so it holds a lot of love. Amazing song to hear live. “Long Live all the magic we made” is a lyric I wrote on my arm for one of her shows. Gorgeous bridge in this too - shocking, I know.

Fearless.

The Other Side Of The Door (super country song, feels like a fight in the first relationship in small town Pennsylvania or wherever she’s from, sO fun and the most iconic bridge of all time: “with your face and the beautiful eyes, the conversation with the LITTLE! WHITE! LIES! And the faded picture of a beautiful night, you CARRY ME FROM YOUR CAR TO THE STAIRS. I broke down crying, was she worth this mess?? After everything and that LITTLE! BLACK! DRESS! After everything I must confess, I neeeeed you”

Fearless (my favourite song ever, from 2008 til about 2015. So cute. “We’re driving down the road, I wonder if you know, I’m trying so hard not to get caught up now. But you’re just so cool, run your hands through your hair - absentmindedly MAKING ME WANT YOU.” Also the bridge “well you stood there with me in the doorway, my hands shake, I’m not usually this way, but you pull me in and I’m a little more brave. It’s the first kiss, it’s flawless, really something - it’s fearless.”

Hey Stephen (one of my other favourites of all time)

You Belong With Me (I’m sure you know this one. Absolute bop. Best music video with a steamy feature from love of my life Lucas Till).

Tell Me Why (never fully appreciated violins until I heard this song. Great song if you’ve been wronged by someone or been in a toxic relationship and can’t understand it. “I take a step back, let you go. I told you I’m not bulletproof, now you know”.)

Forever & Always. (People love to critique Taylor or blaming relationship breakdowns on the other person, but almost all of her breakup songs are her questioning what she did wrong. This is an example of that. “Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest?” She wrote this about Joe Jonas too.

Change. (SUCH A POWERHOUSE SONG. A song to unify, unite and empower. “Tonight we’ll stand, get off our knees, fight for what we worked for all these years. The battle was long, it’s the fight of our lives, but we’ll stand up - champions tonight.”)

Omg I forgot The Story Of Us which has some of the best lyrics ever including “you held your pride like you should have held me”

Taylor Swift

The only song you need to listen to from her first album right now is I’m Only Me When I’m With You. It’s so great and beautiful. “Friday night beneath the stars, in a field behind your yard, you and I are painting pictures in the sky. Sometimes we don’t say a thing, just listen to the crickets sing, everything I need is right here by my side.”

and that concludes the Taylor Swift discography review you never asked for.”

he said “Man, I love your insight. You think and appreciate things on a whole other level to anyone else I’ve met”

if he plays his cards right i’ll give him an education on the jonas brothers too

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yuna-dan · 6 years ago

Note

Angst! Better yet give me the forbidden Patton Angst! I can't think of an AU yet...

It’s based on this AU

Warning: Suicide talk. Crying. Swearing

Virgil was editing a video in their shared living room. He didn’t exactly knew what time it was, but he guessed it was way too late. If Patton woke up he would scold him, and forced him to sleep. He saved his progress, and close the laptop, rubbing his eyes.

I’ll just grab something to drink, and then to bed, he grabbed his phone and saw the hour.

3:00 am. Huh, the witching hour. He smirked, thinking the irony that he was editing a video about witches in Japan.

He took the milk out, sat in the counter and unlocked his phone. Until then, he saw the date.

September 10.

–

Patton knew the day the moment he woke up. He smiled sadly, feeling something in his heart. He turned on his side, seeing his bedside table, smiling sadly at the photo of him and Jason.

“Hey, baby brother.” He cleared his throat, “I hope you are okay. I miss you.”

–

Patton was in college when he received the call from his mother. He hated the fact that he missed the first two calls, but he was taking a shower. He still remember that it was a Thursday and he had economy exam that day.

His mother was hysterical, he barely understand her, “M-mom? I don’t understand you, what?”

“Did you or did you not talk to Jason yesterday’s night?” She yelled

“Y-yeah, for two hours, before he went to bed, wh-why?”

“He’s dead. He hang himself.”

Pain.

Patton didn’t want to leave the bed. He wasn’t even using his phone, he didn’t want to see what the social media was saying. He was just staring at the photos of Jay, listening to Gaga’s discography.

Singing softly Brown Eyes.

He couldn’t remember what happened for the next two months.

He wanted to make more videos, to write, to study, but he’s brain was stuck in the agent’s last words “You were the last person your brother talked to.”

Jay’s suicide (he hated the word) note said it was no one faults.

It was his.

He heard a knock at his door and Virgil opened the door without letting Patton answer.

“Hey.” Patton didn’t talk back, “Mind some company?” He shook his head. “That a no yes or a no no?”

“You can stay.”

Virgil hummed, “I order pizza,” he gesture at the box he was holding, “You need to eat.”

“Yeah I know.”

He fake a smile for two years. He pretend he didn’t missed his brother for two years. He buried the idea of his brother deep in his mind.

Until he breakdown.

He remember how his dad hugged him, and how his mom apologise.

That didn’t bring Jay back, but it was a start.

Patton loved Virgil with all his heart. He did not pressure him on talking, about nothing.

They had been in his room almost all day, not talking, just listening to Lady Gaga, Paramore and My Chemical Romance.

Patton cried every time he listened to Brown Eyes.

Patton cried whenever he saw blood.

Patton cried when he remembered Jay.

“I was the last person to hear his voice, y'know?” Virgil perked up from his phone, and looked at his Pat’s eyes. “I don’t remember what was the last thing he said to me.”

Virgil, got closer at him, “I am sorry.”

“Don’t be. He was really sweet, you two would’ve been good friends…” Pause. Long deep pause. “Or hated each other guts.” He chuckled

They talked for hours about Jay’s life.

After all Patton thought, that the best way to keep him alive was to remember him

“Hey Pat, I miss you.”

“Me too kiddo, but we’ll see each other in Winter break.”

“I’m gonna miss you.”

“We’ll talk everyday.”

“I love you brother.”

I really hope you like this one, I tried my best

#yuna's fic #anon #request #moxiety #platonic moxiety #morality sanders #ts morality #patton sanders #ts patton #anxiety sanders #ts anxiety #virgil sanders #ts virgil #youtuber au

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delfibyn · 6 years ago

Text

@taylorswift @taylornation

Hi there.

My name is Delfina and I am 21 years old. I'm from Argentina and this is going to be soooo cheesy.

Almost a year ago, on April 24th, a girl called Agostina slided into my Twitter's dm and asked me if I was going to Harry Styles' concert in Buenos Aires.

I went and she went and we were in the same tour bus but I didn't know who she was and she was too shy to start a conversation so... we never talked.

A couple of weeks later she reply one of my Instagram stories. So randomly. And that message started what is now one of the best things that has ever happened to me. My great love story.

Long story short, after a few months of chatting every single day and getting to know each other, we talked about you, Taylor. She told me how she couldn't stop listening to your song "Love Story" (casually 🙄) even though she wasn't much of a fan of yours. I said that I liked some of your songs too in spite of not knowing you very well either.

That was a before and an after in our relationship.

From that moment on we've been speaking through your songs.

There was no need for us to explain how we felt when we were too scared to do it because your lyrics did that instead.

It was like you got us. Like you wrote those songs for us only.

We took them and made them ours. Our songs.

I'm sure you get a lot of letters like this one but I really want you to know the importance you had and still have in our lives.

Time passed and... we fell in love.

The first lyric I remember saying to her was "Oh my God, look at that face, you look like my next mistake". And the first one she told me was "You're so cool, it makes me hate you so much".

It was like a game, we thought.

But... three weeks later we were saying that certainly Delicate was our song.

It happened so fast. And it was so good. It is so good.

We found a song for each moment and every moment is marked with a song.

Music is a very important factor and the main thing that connect us.

We met thanks to Harry Styles and we fell in love to Taylor Swift discography.

I remember driving with her by my side blasting I did something bad, kissing her to Out of the woods, realizing I loved her with State of grace. Daydreaming about her being mine with Dress and crying cause I was terrified of my feelings with Wildest dreams.

I'm sure she has a lot more to add but this is my letter.

So, time went by and summer started here and she had to go home for holidays, far away from me. We were already a thing but we were so scared... Like all the scars we had were itching and we were pretty sure everything was going to, well, turn out awfully.

After almost a month of being apart we were on the phone and I was kind of under meds and with all inhibitions gone I just said to her: "Will you be my girlfriend?".

She was mad at in that moment me cause I'd done stupid things but within a second she said: "Yes" and I remember hearing her smile.

One of the best moments of my life.

It turns out... that that day was January 13th.

13th.

And you know, the day she reply that IG story? July 13th.

So... yep.

Yesterday (13th april) we were together, celebrating our 3rd month anniversary and you posted that countdown and we lost it. We literally lost it.

I always say that we fell in love to reputation. And we did.

We began full of fear trying to take care of this wonderful thing that was happening to us, that we belived was too Delicate and now we are doing better that we ever were, singing about how we will be there for each other forevermore.

Thank you, Taylor. Thanks for being the soundtrack of our story with the love of my life.

We hope you come to South America so we can kiss and cry and dance while seeing you live.

Also, we are super excited for this new era. We can't wait to sing your new songs to each other and keep building our love to them.

We love you so much.

#taylor swift #taylornation #lovestory

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diinofayce · 7 years ago

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Like A Whisper In The Night - 3

Authors Note: So an early post! I’ve been working on this one a lot, trying to get a decent idea of Layne’s abilities and a hint at who she is outside of The Avengers. I’m so used to seeing these OFCs where they’re healing a broken Bucky and I kind of want to turn it on it’s head a little, have them take care of each other. So bear with me as I work through how I really want to go about that.

Music Note: I’ve been excitedly awaiting DOROTHY’s new album and listened through their entire discography the other day and realized how much their album speaks to the feeling I wanted this book to have. The band will be woven into the rest of this story. All music belongs to them and I would really suggest looking into them, they’re fantastic.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC | Word Count: 7,447 | Warnings: Swearing, Manipulation, Alcohol | Song: Gun In My Hand - DOROTHY

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

~*~

The next day Layne had decided to have a mental health day. She slept poorly, nightmares of Greg Andrews’ memories haunting her. They were mixed in with the girl from Hong Kong and a few from other people she had infiltrated before joining up with The Avengers. In true mental health day fashion, Layne forwent wearing makeup and her long brown hair was twisted up into a heap on the top of her head. She was wearing a thin, black, worn out Motorhead tank top and red flannel pajama pants. She had zero plans of having social interaction with anyone on the team today or even leaving her room. Layne was currently curled up in a mountain of pillows on her bed painting her toenails blue. She took a deep swig out of a bottle of Spotted Cow, the New Glarus sampler pack sitting on the floor next to her bed. It was one of the only home comforts she asked Tony to get for her, the specialty beer only available for sale in Wisconsin. Her stereo was blaring music loud enough to pulse her walls and softly rattle the mirrors. Tony had most of the building set up to be relatively soundproof after Bucky with his night terrors and so far none of her neighbors complained about the volume she kept her music at any time she was inhabiting her room. The guitar and bass hummed together in a deep, melodic tone as the female vocalist rasped over the top of a double bass drum.

“Why did love put a knife in my heart Why did love open up my scars Why did love put a knife in my heart In my bed, in my head, in my heart.

Was it for redemption Was it for revenge Was it for the bottle Was it for the ledge Was it for the thrill that pushes my hope to the edge Why did love, why did love put a gun in my hand?”

It took Layne a few minutes to realize that someone was even knocking at her door under the pounding of her music. She carefully hopped off the bed and opened her door, trying not to smudge her wet polish. Layne was startled again by Bucky being on the other side of her door. She gave a crooked half smile and leaned against her door frame, her arms crossed over her chest. “Well, well, Mr. Barnes. What can I do for you?” Layne tried to play cool, despite the fact that her heart was going a million miles a minute at the sight of him in a tight baby blue V neck shirt that made his eyes seem so much brighter and acid wash jeans.

Bucky looked her up and down really quick, trying to ignore the fact that Layne didn’t appear to be wearing a bra while grimacing slightly at the music that blared into the hallway with her open door. “What is that noise?” Bucky asked, his brows knitting together and looking past Layne. Layne’s smile faltered slightly and she didn’t stop him as Bucky slipped passed her into her room.

“It’s blues rock. Is it too loud?” Layne asked closing the door behind him and then turning down the radio to a more palatable level before she sat back down on the bed and continued painting her toenails.

“Blues-rock, huh? When did that become a thing?” Bucky asked leaning against her couch. Layne reached down and grabbed a Staghorn out of the sampler pack and handing it to Bucky. Bucky took it with a grateful smile and cracked the top off with his metal palm.

“Um, 1960’s? You know, Lonnie Mack and Eric Clapton? No, wait, I guess you wouldn’t. It’s good. I think you’d probably like Eric Clapton more than this stuff; he’s a little more mellow.” Layne pointed her stereo remote and hit a button, Sunshine of Your Love playing softly in the background. “So, this band is technically Cream, but it’s what made Eric Clapton really famous before he went solo. Incredibly talented instrumentalist and his vocals were so necessary for the era.”

Bucky listened and as he intently watched her paint her nails. He couldn’t help but smile slightly at the passion in which she spoke about music. “It’s…groovy?” Bucky asked sounding a little unsure. Layne laughed, a soft bell-like sound that caused tiny wrinkles around her caramel eyes.

“Groovy good or groovy bad?” Layne asked through her chuckle.

“Good. I like it,” Bucky reassured. “More than what you first had playing.”

Layne’s laughter died a little and she nodded, twisting the cap onto her polish and setting it on her nightstand. “Well, when you’re listening outside of your preferred genre you have to separate it out. Start with the words, add the voice, then put in the instruments. But it’s probably a good thing these guys never got picked up, the vocalist just couldn’t hack it,” Layne responded, her tone clipped. She caught Bucky’s confusion and waved her hand before he had a chance to respond. “Never mind Bucky. You never answered on why I’m graced with your presence this morning.”

Bucky hesitated, trying to figure out if he had offended her in some way before getting down to the matter at hand. “Stark called a mandatory meeting and you didn’t show up, so they sent me to come find you.”

Layne’s caramel eyes widened and she dashed over to her desk to check her phone. “Oh, shoot. It died and I didn’t realize,” she tossed her phone back down on the desk and looked at him oddly. “Did they send you because you just found out where my room is?”

Bucky groaned and ran both of his hands through his hair, the orange of the lamps in Layne’s room reflecting softly off of his metal arm. “Vision ratted me out, huh?” Bucky had gone down his list for eliminating rooms yesterday to figure out which one was Layne’s when he was left with two doors that he didn’t know. He chanced the one on the right only to have Vision faze out of the wall next to him. Bucky didn’t even know Vision had his own room. Vision had kindly directed Bucky to the only other door that he couldn’t figure out, the door that happened to be right across the hall from Bucky’s. Feeling like an idiot, he had thanked Vision, not thinking that the android would later go and tattle on him.

Layne laughed again, opening a few drawers in her dresser and pulling random articles of clothing out. “Yes. I was wondering how you managed to find me. You had never been neighborly before, but I figured you found me because of the racket. I’m just going to get changed really quick; you don’t have to wait if you don’t want.” Layne said, disappearing into the bathroom. She took in her reflection in the mirror and grimaced, not expecting to have to leave her room or have anyone in her room she really didn’t put any effort into looking presentable. Layne tried not to think too hard about the fact that she was hanging out with Bucky without a bra on as she got dressed. Putting a little bit of foundation powder on her face and a light coat of mascara she deemed herself relatively okay for a team assembly. She thought a moment on her choice of apparel, knowing it’s not everyone’s version of comfy, but most of Layne’s clothes were concert ready since that was her scene back home. Whenever Layne wasn’t working on papers or in labs for school she was either on or behind a stage. She wondered if Bucky would judge her on the holes and the bare midriff, and then stopped to wonder why she cared so much. Bucky hadn’t put any interest in her until now and she certainly wasn’t looking to turn heads at work.

Bucky waited for the bathroom door latch to click before striding over to her stereo and popping the player open. A burned disc with ‘DOROTHY’ written across the top in purple Sharpie sat in the tray. “FRIDAY? Can you get me a copy of this?” Bucky asked, looking at the ceiling. Recognizing the name he looked up at the walls and saw the poster with the name DOROTHY scrawled across the front of a woman’s bright red lips, tongue out, and two switchblades crossed on other side poised to cut the appendage off.

“Can do, Sgt. Barnes,” came the response, a little too loud for his liking. He looked up as the bathroom door clicked open and quickly shut the tray, moving back to his spot on the couch.

Bucky’s heart sputtered momentarily as he took in Layne’s torn skinny jeans that settled on her hips and her flat midriff showing below a maroon shirt with Motley Crue stamped on the front. She was throwing a navy blue flannel around her shoulders, buttoning it up to just below her breasts and covering the exposed flesh of her abdomen. She looked up from her buttons, noticing Bucky was waiting for her and let out a dazzling smile that made Bucky’s heart sputter again. He cleared his throat and walked over to meet her at her front door, confused about the emotions he was feeling.

“What’s Motley Crue?” Bucky asked, reaching out carefully and moving the lapel of the flannel aside. Layne tsked and shook her head, looking at him with disapproval, not being able to hide the soft pink flush behind her hair. Bucky wanted to run his fingers across her cheeks and feel the heat that sat there.

“If you’re going to keep showing up at my door, Barnes, we’re going to have to do some music education,” Layne responded, heading off ahead of him towards the common room. Bucky shut her door behind them and took a moment to admire how tight those jeans were for a moment before catching up.

“And why all the holes?” he asked motioning to her pants.

Layne laughed, light dancing in her eyes. “Everyone likes a good draft, Barnes.”

~*~

“Alright, everyone,” Tony started, clapping his hands together when Layne and Bucky finally arrived. “The star of today’s meeting is officially here.” He strode over and took Layne by the elbow she let out a small squeak of surprise as she was drug in front of everyone. Her caramel eyes widened and a flush took over her cheeks as she looked up at Tony and then out at the rest of the team that was either lounging on or around the big leather couch in the middle of the room. The only one that wasn’t being apart of the meeting was Loki, who was sitting off to the side in a window seat with a hefty leather-bound tome.

“What? The star?” Layne asked, her mouth going dry. Was she being made an example of? “Did I do something wrong?” she asked hoarsely.

“What? No! Just after the last couple of missions and watching the tape from your incredible interrogation yesterday I think all of us are a little curious to see what you can do in a calm and safe environment,” Tony explained enthusiastically, clapping his hand sharply in the middle of her back. She sputtered and her flush brightened and she looked around the room for any sign of help to get her out of this.

Steve was leaning on the back of the couch and he straightened and walked over to her. “It’s so that we can all get a better idea of how to place you on missions and how to move forward training you. We know your hand to hand combat is mediocre and your gun skills are sort of lacking so maybe it’s better to keep you back as support, like Wanda. Which is okay, we just need to understand it better and the field is too chaotic to watch it happen and get a grasp on it,” he explained softly setting his large hands on her shoulders.

Layne’s eyesight came up to only Steve’s collar bone; she was close enough to take in the sharp, pine sight of his cologne and fresh tang of his shaving cream. He was dressed in a white button-up shirt and jeans and she couldn’t help but smile as she noticed he missed a button. Layne buttoned it for him quick, startling him slightly before stepping back and nodding.

“Yeah, alright. So what do you guys want to know?” she asked fiddling nervously with her fingers. She dug deep inside herself to find that rock star she had always wanted to be, to pull that confidence out and not shrink down to a meek little girl in front of her teammates. She needed to prove she was strong and that she deserved to be here.

Natasha raised her hand from where she sat in between Sam and Wanda on the couch in a white tank top and yoga pants, she must have just come from working out. “Can you show us the thing you did with the persuasion?” she asked, resting her elbows on her knees. Layne licked her lips and stepped over the wooden coffee table that was separating them, sitting on it carefully. She held her hands out, palms up, to Natasha who hesitated for a moment before putting her palms down on Layne’s. Layne slowly wrapped her fingers around Natasha’s wrists and rubbed little circles with her thumbs, she caught Nat’s gaze locking Natasha’s green eyes with her own, her caramel eyes lighting up with flames.

“Tell me, Natasha, how old are you?” Layne asked simply.

Natasha ground her teeth together slightly and cocked her head to the side. “Thirty-three,” she responded, sounding breathless.

“I knew you weren't twenty-five!” Sam exclaimed and clapped his hands together. Natasha twitched a little in Layne’s grasp and Layne raised an eyebrow. Natasha relaxed back into Layne’s grip, seemingly placated.

“Do you talk about me behind my back?” Layne asked and Natasha’s expression darkened slightly.

“Yes.”

“Tell me what you say,” Layne cooed softly.

The team watched in fascination as the skin that Layne touched glow with a soft orange light. Sam reached out to touch Natasha’s skin but was stopped when Layne calmly stomped on his foot. As she didn’t have shoes on it certainly didn’t hurt him at all, but it stopped his advance.

Natasha gritted her teeth and her breathing sped up a little. She made a little humming sound and Layne just tightened her grip in response. “That I don’t think you’re up to being an Avenger. That I think that training you is a waste of time and you’re just going to get someone killed,” Nat finally spit out quickly. As soon as the words were out of her mouth she took a deep breath and her expression went back into that look of calm complacency.

The others cast worried glances at each other. The Russian hadn’t exactly been quiet about her opinions on the new recruit, especially after the end of Layne’s mandatory ten hours of gun training. Natasha wasn’t convinced Layne would be good at anything other than getting in the way. However, Natasha was always relatively pleasant with Layne when in the same room or during training.

“Really? How about you tell Loki something you’d never want him to know?” Layne directed sliding her hands up Natasha’s forearms. Layne’s face was calm and passive, she was trying to sound indifferent, but the team could hear the underlying hurt in her voice. Loki looked up with interest for the first time during all of this. He had shown up only because this was supposed to be a team learning experience, he had been working with Layne for months on her skills and none of what she did was very new to him. Even though he had heard and been amused by Layne’s stories of petty vengeance that she would get on her brother’s back home, he had never gotten a chance to witness it in person and was pleased that he got to be apart of her getting a bit of revenge on the red head.

Natasha’s eyes went wide and her skin pale, she shook her head slightly and licked her lips. “No,” she rasped out hoarsely. Everyone knew that Natasha was still upset with Loki for taking over Clint’s heart back in the beginning and they all stared at Layne and Natasha with held breath. No one thought that Layne could convince Natasha into saying something sweet to the Norse God, let alone something she was keeping a secret, the Russian would sooner cut out her own tongue.

“Do it, Natasha,” Layne demanded with more force.

Natasha started making that soft humming noise again, her cheeks flaring red and she bit her bottom lip. Layne stared at her patiently, rubbing Nat’s forearms slowly. “I think his ass looks amazing in those pants he always wears,” Natasha just about screamed. Layne unceremoniously took her hands away, breaking the contact. Natasha gasped, her hands flying to her heart and her skin tinged with a green undertone. The whole room burst out into laughter and Loki smirked to himself, looking pleased, before returning to his book.

“I’ll have to change my wardrobe. I wouldn’t want my ass to distract you on a mission, Ms. Romanoff,” Loki chuckled, serenely turning a page.

“What the fuck, Hardin?” Natasha hissed, venom lacing her words. Everyone’s laughter died out into awkward chuckling. Everyone immediately prepared themselves to have to pull the red head off of Layne before she did any damage to the smaller girl.

Layne just calmly stared into Natasha’s green eyes, her own eyes having cooled and returned to their usual melted caramel color. “I’m sorry that I embarrassed you, but I needed to make demands that everyone knew you wouldn’t want to answer. Although I must say, I had ulterior motives. I definitely thought you were talking about me behind my back,” Layne stood and swung her legs back over the other side of the coffee table so she was standing across from the couch again.

“What did it feel like, Nat?” Bucky asked from his stool at the breakfast counter. He had been watching the exchange just as intently as he had back in the interrogation room yesterday. He could care less about things the ex-mercenary had said and more about how she had been reacting as she was saying it or trying not to as the case may be.

Natasha shook her head, still rubbing at her chest over her heart. “It was like I had sunk into a warm bath and it was like cotton was filling every part of my head. When she asked me a question,” Natasha paused, giving an icy glare. “I wanted to answer, to make her happy. The more I tried to hold the answer back the hotter Layne’s fingers got and it felt like hot coals were sitting in my stomach. Once I answered everything was pleasant again like I was back in the bath. And then Layne let me go and it was like she’d broken my heart. I feel like I have an empty hole in my chest.”

Layne pursed her lips and frowned softly. “I’m sorry. I don’t have a cure-all for that; it will go away by tomorrow.”

“It doesn’t hurt worse than my pride,” the redhead responded sinking into the couch.

“Would it help if I come do a dance for you in just the pants?” Loki called over from his spot in the window, not even looking up from his book.

Natasha just closed her eyes and looked like she was counting backward from ten. Her fingers twitched towards the blade she kept snapped on her hip.

“Alright, alright, team. That was a perfect demonstration, Layne. Maybe a little too perfect,” Steven said holding his hands up. “How are you feeling, Layne? Can you show us taking someone over?”

Layne looked at Cap and chewed her bottom lip. She should have known that they would want to see that. “I could on, like, Clint, Sam, or Tony if they’re okay with it? It’s probably the safest bet. They’re not enhanced or an Inhuman and I don’t really to put Natasha through that too.”

Natasha’s glance shot up at Layne before back down to her lap, it looked like she was giving her a small look of gratitude. Her heart being controlled like that was more taxing than Natasha thought it was going to be. Sam calmly took Natasha’s hand in his own and patted it softly, trying to ease some of whatever Natasha was still feeling.

Tony shook his head and raised a hand to silence Clint who had started to step forward to volunteer. “We were hoping you’d take on one of the big guys,” he said addressing Layne carefully. “Mostly because we were hoping they could fight back.”

Layne whirled on Tony and sent him a steely glare. “Excuse me? Do you have any idea what that felt like? It was like a chainsaw was ripping my skull in half and I didn’t even ask how Andrews was feeling, but I know you saw how an ass ton of blood vessels in his face all burst.”

“Well, yeah, but the big guys heal quick,” Tony said, still sounding chipper as he thwacked Steve on the bicep. “And we have the doc.” Banner frowned, looking uncomfortable by the whole scenario. Layne and him had spoken some when she had come down to work with Banner in the labs; she told him how much she hated taking people over and how their memories always stuck with her. He couldn’t begin to fathom what awful things Layne had seen in that pedophile's brain and he knew she still wasn’t recovered from it.

“Maybe it’s not the best idea,” Clint spoke up, stepping forward. “She mentioned seeing ‘bad stuff’ in Andrews’ head. The worst she’s going to find in mine is Budapest.”

“Budapest wasn’t that bad,” Natasha said softly from her spot on the couch. “Besides, who knows what’s in your head after your possession from the horned wonder back there. You’re fuzzy on some of it and she could dredge it all back up for you.”

“Okay, we really need to get a beer and discuss what you think Budapest was,” Clint said pointing a finger at her and giving her a sharp look, Natasha just raised her hands in the air and shrugged. “And we all have skeletons in our closet. No matter who she takes over there’s a chance she’s going to see some not okay stuff. But I think either myself or Sam is going to be her best bet.” Clint looked to Sam to help back him up and Sam just shrugged.

“We’ve been fighting less and less ‘normal’ bad guys. They’re enhanced now, Clint, or have powers. Maybe since we have the doctor in the house, it’s not the worst idea to have Layne take on Cap,” Sam countered gently. He looked up as Banner let out an oddly deep grumble. Banner tried to cover it with a cough and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Look!” Layne snapped. “I don’t want to do this to anyone. But I’m one hundred percent not doing it with one of the wonder twins.” She motioned to Steve and Bucky. She’s seen them fight physically she didn’t want to have to fight them mentally. Especially not when she didn’t know that she could be fought against, it was new territory to her and she didn’t want to hurt anyone.

“No, you look, we have the doc here for if anything goes wrong. Which it won't. Because you’re great and we believe in you,” Tony reasoned.

“Stop trying to argue that it’s okay just because Bruce is here,” Layne shot back.

Bucky stood up and walked over to the three. “Listen, if she says it’s dangerous then we should listen to her,” Bucky argued back, stepping between Layne and Tony.

“It’s not dangerous! We’re all here, in a calm and safe environment,” Tony said moving to step past Bucky, but he just squared his shoulders and stared him down. Tony frowned and put his hands up. “Fine, okay, you want to play that way. Kid, you’re not cleared for any future missions until you do this so we can see that you can be in control if it happens again. We can’t just knock you out every time you can’t handle yourself.”

Layne opened her mouth to argue and then closed it with a snap. Tony was right; she couldn’t just go out on the field and become a liability. What if she lost control of an enemy and they attacked one of the team by surprise thinking that Layne had everything covered? She let out a huff of air that flared her nostrils and caused Tony to falter as her eyes flared fire for a split second before she nodded in affirmation. Bucky sighed and turned to her, running his flesh fingers through his hair.

“Alright, doll, let’s do this,” he said bracing himself. Steve immediately stepped up and put a hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t think that’s the best idea, Buck,” he said softly, scratching his head and giving him a look.

“What? She’s not going to go digging in my brain for anything. Are you?” Bucky asked Layne and she just shrugged.

“I can’t technically look for anything. Like, maybe I can? I haven’t tried. Normally I just get a burst of things when I first infiltrate someone,” she explained, chewing on the corner of her mouth.

Steve gave Bucky and even more pointed look. “What if she dredged up Winter Soldier stuff, Buck? They might have done a fine job repressing it all in Wakanda, but she could accidentally pull it all back to the surface.” Steve asked, his brows furrowed in concern. He rolled up his sleeves and turned his blue eyes to Layne. “Alright, Whisper, it’s you and me.” Bucky opened his mouth to argue, but Steve silenced him with a look. Bucky ducked his head and took a step back, throwing his arms out to the side. He understood that Steve was just concerned for him, but sometimes he got irritated with everyone walking on eggshells around him. It had been two years since he had attacked the Avengers as the Winter Soldier and while he was still plagued with nightmares, they had been less frequent and he was finally starting to feel like he was getting into a healthy space.

Tony clapped Bucky on the shoulder and motioned with his head to move back. Bucky shook Tony’s hand off of him and went to stand behind Layne. Layne looked at him with confusion and Bucky just shrugged. “You hit your face on the floor last time. Don’t need to do that again,” he said curtly holding his hands out on either side of her. Layne cocked her head to the side and smiled softly at this thoughtfulness, placing her hands in his. Bucky’s heart skipped a beat as she entwined her fingers in his and crossed his arms around her waist. He glared at Sam as he snickered a remark into Natasha’s ear, causing her to giggle.

“Super hearing, Wilson,” Bucky grumbled and Sam just smiled wider at him. Clint was giving Bucky the dad eye and Bucky quickly broke his eyes away. Loki had paused reading his book and was watching the exchange with rapt focus.

“Ready, Captain?” Layne whispered. Squeezing Bucky’s hands tightly she took a deep breath, finding her calm center to where she could focus on the beating of her heart and the pulse of blood through her veins. She locked eyes with Steve’s deep blue ones and then everything went dark.

Bucky tensed as Layne turned to dead weight in his arms, he sunk down slowly to the floor and set Layne’s back against his chest, watching his friend intently. Everyone was on pins and needles; Loki had stood and joined the rest of the team around the couch, Clint and Tony were ready to try to knock Steve out if needed, Bruce had come around and knelt down next to Bucky to take Layne’s wrist in his hands and keep track of her pulse. Sam, Natasha, and Wanda all sat forward on the couch looking nervous, Wanda took Vision’s hand in her own.

This was the part Layne always loved, being outside of herself. She felt as soft as a feather, seeing as she had no substantial body or weight. She looked down at the conglomerate of auras, noting that Dr. Banner had two warring inside of him. Layne had never seen Bruce’s aura and she honestly wasn’t surprised to see the calm blue aura battling the neon green. She could see her own body, lit up like a lighthouse in the fog and knew that the army green aura wrapping around her was Bucky and that was not her target. Layne was able to find and hone in on Steve’s aura and pictured her consciousness taking the form of one of Clint’s arrows; she shot herself at the heart of Steve’s aura.

It always hurt a little at first, like getting the wind knocked out of you. Steve’s aura was just as sturdy mentally as she assumed he was physically, it was like ramming into a brick wall. Layne shoved against it and managed to knock Steve’s consciousness out of his body. It happened so fast, the memories hitting her like a freight train.

It was 1940 and Steve was so tiny standing next to a short-haired, clean-shaven Sgt Barnes. Bucky was in full uniform and trying to get Steve to come along with him and two pretty young ladies at a carnival. Steve just dropped his head and waved Bucky on, leaving his friend with a tight embrace before turning away.

The next memory was patched together, flicks of a beautiful woman with brown hair always kept in neat pins and curls changed to a flicker of the woman, much older, laying in a hospital bed. She reached out an aged hand to Steve and he took it, her hand so tiny and frail in his super soldier hand.

The next memory was pain. Layne felt it deep in her core, the pain of losing this woman - who she learned was Peggy. The pain of fighting Bucky on an aircraft and trying to get him to remember who Steve was. The pain of fighting at an airport against his friends to do what he believed was right, the pain of feeling like he will never do enough to serve humankind. The pain behind the fear that he will eventually fail.

The memories passed and Layne gasped, looking out to the rest of the team with vision that was just too sharp and trying to calm the sounds that were just a little too loud. “Oh, fuck. This enhanced thing kind of sucks,” Layne groaned.

Everyone in the room had watched with trepidation as Steve suddenly went rigid before a look of pain crossed his facial features. It was the moment the swear word left his mouth, in his voice, that everyone knew that Layne had successfully entered Steve’s body. Tony walked around to face Steve, sending a quick look to Bucky who looked like he was debating between continuing to hold Layne’s body up or also approach the body of his friend.

“What are you feeling, Layne?” Bruce asked standing slowly and walking over to take Steve’s wrist in his hand to count his pulse.

Layne pinched the bridge of her nose with her free hand and took a few deep breaths. “I have some vertigo going on from memories of seeing things from a shorter perspective to suddenly being fucking tall. Everything is very loud and very bright. I can sense Steve is trying to figure out how to reenter his body when I’m occupying it, which is odd because I’ve never noticed it with anyone else.”

Bruce nodded and looked away from his watch. “Both heart rates are normal. I’ll see what I can keep track of if Cap can try to take control back.”

Tony clapped his hands together and smiled. “See, this is all working out fine. I told you.”

Loki’s brows knitted together at the same time Bucky started standing up slowly. “I’d look closer, TinMan,” Loki said coldly as Steve went rigid again.

Layne felt it immediately; it was like stone hands clamped down around her chest it felt like she was being crushed. Steve had found his way back into his body and was struggling to regain his control. Layne flexed her fingers, the muscles and veins popping out along Steve’s fore and biceps with the strain the two were causing. Layne fell to her knees, cracking the hardwood floor as she pummeled Steve’s fists into the ground to catch herself from going face first. Both Bucky and Bruce rushed forward, pushing Steve up to his knees.

“Layne? Steve? I’m going to grab your arm,” Bruce said trying to sound calm, green tinging the outer ring of his irises. “Heart rate is through the roof. One of them needs to let go.”

Bucky placed both hands on Steve’s shoulders, keeping him upright and locked his silver eyes with his best friend’s. Foam started frothing at the corner of Steve’s mouth and a drop of blood ran from his nose. Bucky pulled his metal arm back and was ready to try to knock Steve out until suddenly Steve let out a sizable gasping breath, as if he had been drowning, and grabbed onto Bucky and Bruce for support. Across the room, back in her own body, Layne stirred. Clint and Loki both rushed to her side to help her sit up.

“Heart rate is slowing back down to normal,” Bruce confirmed clapping Steve on the shoulder before going over and confirming the same with Layne.

“Well, that was one hell of a show,” Tony said, looking from the six on the floor to the four on the couch. “I think we learned a lot. What did we learn, Cap?”

Layne shook off the three men trying to ascertain if she was alright to crawl over to where Steve was quickly. Bucky tensed like he wasn’t going to let her near Steve and Layne hesitated. Bucky relaxed suddenly, realizing what he had done, and scooted to the side. Layne looked at Bucky with concern before looking at Steve.

“Hey, Captain, I’m so sorry. You guys said you wanted me to fight you; I didn’t want to you. Does it hurt? Can I get you anything?” Layne pulled off her over shirt and wiped the blood off of Steve’s face. He still looked groggy and like he wasn’t sure where he was exactly. Steve finally looked up at Layne, his blue eyes meeting her frantic and worried look.

“I’m okay, Hardin. It’s fine,” Steve brought his hand up to push her hand away gently and then swipe at his mouth. “That was, just intense. It felt like a boulder hit me in the chest and then I was blind except for a light, but I had a hard time getting to the light.”

“That was your body,” Layne explained softly, clutching her balled up shirt to her chest. Tears were pricking behind her eyes. “It’s always a light, calling you home.”

Steve nodded in understanding and took a deep breath, nausea rolling the pit of his stomach. “When I finally got to the light, I could feel you already there and I knew you didn’t belong. I remember now that the plan was to fight you, but at the time I didn’t even think of that. I just needed to get you out, but I wasn’t a thing with hands or legs or anything. I don’t understand how it happened.”

“It was just your mind, Steve. You attacked me with your mind because I had your hands and your legs and you wanted them back. That’s how it works when I infiltrate in the first place.”

Steve nodded and stood slowly, relying on Bucky for support. He looked down at Layne who was near tears and felt incredibly guilty for forcing her to go through this. “I want you training with someone. I could feel what you’re capable of and while I’m sure you were holding back because it was me, I want to know what you can do if you’re pushed.”

Loki approached Layne and helped the girl to her feet. “I’ve already been working with her; we’ll continue with a swifter time line.” The Asgardian said coolly, looking at the team as if he was daring them to object.

“I’ll help,” Bucky said, raising his hands before anyone could start arguing. “Listen. I’m a lot more equipped to handle mind control powers being aimed at me than anyone else in this room, besides Wanda or Vision. And she needs to go against someone who is enhanced.”

Steve and Tony squared up, shoulder to shoulder, to give Bucky almost identical stern looks. “And if one of those memories she pulls up are the Winter Soldier activation words? Do you come back into your body as Bucky or as the Winter Soldier?” Tony asked with a small bit of venom. It took Bucky back a step; he thought that Stark and him were moving passed everything that had happened as the Winter Soldier and was shocked to hear the small amount of accusation in his voice.

“I saw every memory she did, Buck. If she sees something you don’t want to see, you’ll see it anyway. I tried to lock down certain memories and she saw them anyway,” Steve explained, sounding desperate and a little embarrassed. He wasn’t sure why his best friend was so adamant about putting himself in the way of Layne’s powers, of being the guinea pig.

Bucky growled, sick and tired of being treated like some wounded puppy. “I can handle that. I need to feel helpful here, guys. We could put her in one hundred hours of gun training with Natasha, but it won't matter if she’s still afraid of them. I could run her through the most vigorous hand to hand combat possible and it won't matter if she comes up against someone who’s bigger, stronger, faster. We recruited Layne, gave her a codename because we saw potential for her abilities out on the field. That’s what she has; we don’t give Wanda a gun or hand wraps, why would we do that to Layne? Steve, you’re too busy being Captain America you can’t be here to take the hits again and again. The world still shrinks away when they see me on the field, let me help where I can. We all have dark memories we don’t to think about again, but I’m not afraid of admitting mine.”

The whole room was silent and staring at Bucky. They all knew he was right; they knew this was the best option. It was Tony who finally clapped his hands together and nodded. “Well since that’s settled and we all agree it will probably end up only a little terribly, I’m going to call this the end of the meeting. If anyone needs me I’m going to be reinforcing a suit for when this all goes south!”

Natasha was the first one to leave the common room, sending one last glance of embarrassment and pain to Layne, Clint following after her. Tony took his leave and Wanda and Vision went back to doing a crossword puzzle they had been working on before the meeting started. Bruce made a comment about being in his lab before also taking his leave. Sam stood up and clapped Steve on the shoulder.

“Let’s go get you a beer or twelve,” Sam said leading the still-wobbly captain away from the group and over to the breakfast bar.

Loki turned to Bucky and Layne. “We start training tomorrow at dawn and see how long we can go and decide how often we will meet depending on how it goes,” he said and vanished in a puff of green smoke. Layne rolled her eyes, always thinking his little parlor tricks were ridiculous.

Bucky turned to Layne and shifted awkwardly for a moment. “Did you need a beer?” he asked softly, still feeling bad that he had treated her like an enemy earlier.

Layne smiled softly, her heartwarming with the offer. “No. I think I’m going to go work on some music in my room. Thanks though, Bucky. For everything. I’ll see you in the morning.” She touched the flesh of his forearm softly as she walked passed him and back down to the living quarters. Bucky sighed, his heart hammering from her touch and went over to sit on the stool next to his best friend, taking the beer Sam slid to him. Not that alcohol did anything to Bucky, but even the taste and feel of drinking a beer was calming to him.

“Boy, you got it bad,” Sam whistled, cracking his beer on the lip of the counter. He looked Bucky over with laughter in his eyes as Steve turned to look at him with confusion.

“What? No. I think she’s a good kid and has the potential to be a strong addition to the team. I just want to help,” Bucky insisted, slamming half his beer down in one gulp. He didn’t want to sort through whatever his emotions were with Wilson; Bucky still wasn’t a fan of how he tried to therapist him all the time.

“Whatever you say, man. Whatever you say.” Sam laughed and just pulled the case of beer out of the fridge, setting it on the bar.

Steve took a drink of his beer and looked out the window behind Sam stoically. “If you’re into her, Buck, you should just say something to her,” Steve said. Steve was used to seeing the old Bucky pick up and put down women with ease back in the day, but once they got him back he hadn’t had much to do romantically with anyone. Which Steve understood, Bucky was healing, but maybe it was time to get back on the horse.

“Doesn’t matter. She’ll want nothing to do with me after she’s been in my head,” Bucky said, shrugging and finishing his drink.

“We told you that you don’t have to do it,” Steve argued again.

“He’s being a self-fulfilling prophecy, Cap. He’s afraid of hurting Hardin, so he thinks once she sees whats in his that she won't want anything to do with him,” Sam said, leaning on the counter and raising an eyebrow. “Tell me I’m wrong, Sergeant.”

“I’ll tell you-you're an asshole,” Bucky said and pushed himself off the stool and stomping out of the common room.

Bucky was trying to sort through all his feelings and thoughts on Layne Hardin and put some semblance of sense to them. It wasn’t long until he shook himself out of his thoughts to find himself standing outside her door. Bucky could feel the soft thudding of the bass rattling the door in its frame lightly. He shook his head, wondering how she could stand it being so loud and raised his hand to knock. It was when he caught sight of his raised metal hand that he froze. Bucky opened and closed the mechanical fingers and took a step back from her door. Layne was already going to need all of her focus on figuring herself out; she didn’t need him adding more turmoil to the mixture. Licking his lips and taking a deep breath, Bucky turned from Layne’s room crossed the hall and locked himself in his own.

“FRIDAY?” Bucky asked the air, laying down on his bed.

“Yes, Sgt. Barnes?” the soft Irish voice asked.

“Can you play that disc from Layne’s room, please?”

“Certainly, I’ll play at a lower volume than Ms. Hardin for you as I know you do not like loud noises,” FRIDAY responded and slow, stomping bass drum started followed by a growl of the guitar. Bucky laid there, trying to understand the feel of the music he was listening to before it dawned on him that he had heard the vocalist before. He smiled softly, as Layne Hardin sang from his speakers about whiskey, foolish men, and heartbreak.

NEXT CHAPTER

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