#I thought we'd be the generation that the progression we'd made to this point would flourish and we'd get to really feel the impact of that

[cecoeur]

Good Bones Maggie Smith

[unforth]

I keep seeing posts comparing this to 2004 or other past election losses and how this feels the same or similar to those past times.

As another Old who voted in 2004 (and I missed voting in 2000 by a month and was furious about it) I really can't even put into words how vehemently I disagree.

In 2008, I remember very earnestly sitting down with some friends and saying that if somehow McCain beat Obama, I'd have to join the fucking revolution, because I couldn't believe that this country would elect a Republican AGAIN after the previous 8 years of bullshit. I look back now and think how incredibly naive I was, but I also look back now and think, damn, why aren't I 25 NOW? I can't join the revolution now, I'm 41 and I own a house and have two young children and one old parent depending on me.

Because honestly, truly, as someone who has been studying American history since I was 7, as a Civil War buff with expertise on the years before the Civil War, as someone who has at least some memories of every election since 1988... guys, this isn't the same as 2004. I was furious then. Swift Boat bullshit I swear to fucking dog. And I was and still am fairly convinced that the 2000 election was deliberately stolen. But also I still had every reason then to believe in the rule of law.

In 2004, I still believed term limits would be respected.

In 2004, I still believed a person who wasn't elected would demure gracefully to the winner.

In 2004, I still trusted the courts.

In 2004, I still believed that we'd made progress on bigotry.

I could go on, and to be clear, my point isn't "I thought these institutions were ~good~" in literally any objective sense. Y'all are cynical but my generation was raised by, surrounded by, Vietnam vets and trust me, there was no way to be a kid, seeing what the 70s did to this country, and not come out as cynical and furious as the best of um. (My grandfather was a World War 2 vet, as were his close friends. My father and both his brothers are Vietnam vets, tho my dad didn't go overseas.) But I did believe that even corrupt institutions, even broken racist systems, even fucking Republicans, would follow basic norms of democracy. They said they believed in the constitution and I believed them. I believed that, like Nixon, truly getting caught doing something insane would at least force a mea culpa and turn public opinion. I believed...

Well, I guess it doesn't matter.

Because I no longer believe any of that.

I have watched the guard rails disappear over my lifetime. I have watched the party who once spent 2 years pursuing a guy over a BJ in the oval office elect a convicted rapist. I have watched and at times I've participated and I've voted and I've organized and I've protested and I've read the news more days than not and I've lived and I've grown and I've learned.

I have been an adult, legally, for almost 24 years now.

Guys... there are no norms remaining on the far right. The guard rails are gone. The Fascists control the White House, the senate, the Supreme Court, and things aren't looking promising for the House.

The bus has no brakes anymore. They think they have a mandate - and I can't blame them, as horrifying as this mandate is, because if things had gone the other way and Harris had gotten these results I'd also think it was a mandate.

Please sit with what this means: Trump and the Republican party said, "hand us the reins and we'll make everyone you hate hurt," and more than half the people who bothered to vote said "sure buddy, here goes." We don't have a usurper this time. This is the country that the majority of Americans said they wanted. Whether they come to regret that or not, they saw open Fascism and went "oh yes, count me in." And it wasn't because of the electoral college this time. It was because this country is so bigoted and misogynistic that they'd rather have this than a woman of color in the office.

I'm sick of "well she didn't run a good campaign." (Lie.) I'm sick of, "well we didn't get a primary." (Who cares?) I'm *extremely* sick of "well, Palestine." (Yes! Democrats actions have made the suffering there so much worse! It fucking sucks! You know what's about to suck so much worse?)

15 million people who showed up for Joe Biden couldn't be fussed to place a vote for Kamala Harris. Whatever their reason for not voting, we all knew the outcome if she lost. And seeing open fascism didn't fire them up enough to make the effort, and that's fucking pathetic. The consequences of the worst happening mattered so little to them that they couldn't be fucking bothered to make the minimum effort to stop it, and now millions of people will suffer as a result.

Because here we are: the huge swathe of the country who wanted a strongman now have one.

Look, I don't know what happens next. But I do know, and remember keenly: after 2016, Trump did, or at least tried to do, most of the things he said he'd do. When he was stopped, it was often because of career government employees: judges, bureaucrats, etc. And this time, he's said he's going to purge those people. I don't know if he'll succeed, but I certainly believe he'll try.

This is not 2004 again.

This is 2024. The Republicans have ripped the mask to shreds, shredded apart the book of political norms, and empowered hate, and they've been handed a governmental mandate for stamped "have at with our blessing!" in exchange.

And now they'll use that mandate to make everyone they hate suffer: people of color, queer people, trans people, immigrants, non-Christians.

Don't assume the worst can't happen. I am a Jew, and I have a photo album full of black and white photos of dead people that constantly reminds me: the worst has happened and it can happen again.

Do not despair. Despair is enervating. Be furious. As we should be. These douche bags are repulsive. Be prepared to fight. Be prepared to flee. Be prepared to defend. Don't assume you simply can't do something. There's always something to do, and even the smallest act of defiance can help. There's never any knowing until after which acts of resistance will end up galvanizing the good and just out of their apathy. But that apathy is the enemy.

Because none of this is normal. None of this is "just like when..." Please stop saying it is.

And before anyone screams "privilege" at me, yes, I am in many ways. I'm white. I have access to some generational money even tho my own family lives paycheck to paycheck - we won't be rich but have enough of a support network to be comfortable. I live in a blue area of a blue state. But I'm also a woman (legally speaking, at least) married to another woman - since before Oberkfell, and yes I remember exactly what steps we had planned any time we wanted to leave our state. My wife has physical disabilities. We have two children. Both are biracial (half black). One is trans. We are caring for an elderly parent. I am Jewish and as my kids' birth parent, so are they. I own a publishing company that publishes the exact kinds of queer and kinky lit these people intend to ban. We tick so many boxes of what these people hate.

I know ya'll are scared. Trust me, I'm terrified. But fear is paralyzing. And that won't help. Whatever happens, don't lie down and take this shit.

When Gore lost I was one month shy of my 18th birthday and already in college. I have been fighting my entire adult life, and I'm exhausted. I'm much less able to fight now, much more tied down with responsibilities. But the fight isn't over. I'm checking our passports. I'm packing a go bag. I've convinced one vulnerable friend to move here and I have another who wants to and we're figuring out how to make that happen. I'm protecting who I can, starting with putting on my mask first. I don't know what will happen but if in the end all I can do is uproot my entire life to protect my children then I am preparing to do so. I can at least save them if no one else.

None of this is normal.

And I'm not sure, after Trump's in office, that anything will ever be normal again in the US. At least not the old normal. And there are ways that's a good thing, so many ways that the old normal sucked for so many people, and I'm optimistic that there's a bright future ahead, but man it looks far away right now. I don't want to go back to the old normal, and I want to be part of establishing a kinder, more just, more equal new normal, but we're a long way from there.

Whatever happens, we must endure. We must survive. We must support each other. We must find our allies and be prepared to compromise with them. Don't try to save everyone. You'll fail. Help even one person and you can change the world. Everyone things they can't do everything and so do nothing. That's insane. Do a single thing and it will be better than nothing. One phone call. One letter. One act of defiance. Very few people get the opportunity to grand gestures that matter, and the rest of us will die waiting for that moment. But the secret is that what makes those moments - the time when one person is in the right place at the right time for their action to matter - is built on millions of small moments by millions of people doing what little they can to make things slightly better. Think of every iconic photograph of a Sole Resistor you know of and think about every single tiny thing that had to happen for that moment to occur. Most of us will never me that one person, but that one person is a myth anyway. Countless tiny unseen moments create those myths. Doing literally anything is better than doing nothing.

And tooth and nail, quietly and loudly, in our homes and our towns and cities, during protests or when they come for our neighbors, we must fight.

[orcasoul]

The swimming lesson

Summary: The reader is friends with Joel and Ellie. During a trek one day the reader embarrassingly admits she can't swim and Ellie suggests that Joel could teach her. Her and Joel arrange a day for her first lesson and they both end up getting more than they bargained for!

Warnings: Smut, under 18's DNI, swearing, use of Y/N.

Italics indicate inward thinking.

This is my first ever attempt at writing smut, so I apologise if it's not that good. Please go easy on me 🙈

Word Count: 7,335

The stifling Wyoming summer sunshine rained it's searing rays down on the three of you as you made your way through the coniferous woodland. Slivers of golden light trickle lazily through the swaying leaves, bathing the trees, the ground and your companions in a luminous glow. The soft breeze blows loose strands from your braid across your face, tickling your nose and cheeks. "Uh, sweating my "balls" off out here," Ellie groaned for the thousandth time. "Hey you wanted to go for a hike, kiddo," Joel blithely reminded her. "Didn't think we'd be out this long," she replied in a teasing tone. "I thought you'd be used to all this walking after coming all the way from Boston," you countered with a smirk and raised eyebrow. "Touche," she answered amusedly. "You're right though, it is scorching out here," you agree as you lethargically drag your feet, kicking up lose rocks and twigs. Joel on the other hand seems to be taking everything in his stride. After journeying across country and the endless smuggling ventures in Boston, a stroll in the wilderness was a piece of cake for him. Over the summer you, Joel and Ellie had taken up trekking for fun, and even though Ellie complained about the heat she actually loved these little adventures, often being the one to arrange these trips.

You loved them too. For years you'd explored the woodland alone after one of your closest friends' had decided the outdoors wasn't for her. Apart from her patrol shifts she rarely left Jackson. But for you a walk in the wild yonder was rejuvenating, a peaceful solace when you could pretend that the world hadn't changed, that people still went about their normal lives, shops were open, cars were running and children could play outdoors and just be children. Maybe this is why Ellie loved these excursions. She had the chance to be a carefree child for a while. After doing this alone for so long it was a welcome change to have company. Joel and Ellie's arrival several months ago was the talk of the town, even if they only stayed for one night. But their return a short while after and their decision to call Jackson home sent a buzz through the community. It's a rare thing for new people to join the town and a lot of the women fawned over Joel the second they saw him return. You couldn't blame them, really. A woman would have to be blind to not find Joel incredibly handsome, but some of them seemed to be all too eager to catch his attention, flirting shamelessly, constantly offering him drinks at the Tipsy Bison and generally making desperate, doe eyed fools of themselves.

You'd noticed over recent months how those women gave you death glares across the bar and the mess hall as you and Joel began to spend more time together. It was inevitable, really. Maria and you were good friends and Joel being Tommy's brother meant you'd unintentionally spent a lot of time with him and his adopted daughter and things just naturally progressed from there, to the point that you'd go to the Tipsy Bison together, have meals at each other's houses and take these leisurely walks. If you were being honest with yourself, you'd been harbouring a crush on the grouchy man from the moment you'd met him and over time those feelings had grown into something much deeper. But you felt it was best if you kept those feelings hidden, seeing as Joel didn't seem all that interested in the whole dating scene. Plenty of times you'd seen him rebuff the not so subtle advances of horny women, mumbling something and walking away from their attempts at seduction to join you, Tommy and Maria at your table. You couldn't resist the urge to smirk at their annoyed expressions and you couldn't deny the relief you felt every time he rejected them. It would have been heartbreaking to watch him take a woman home. But you're not stupid. He's a man with needs after all, and you'd overheard a few of the single women tell their friends that they'd spent the night with Joel. But by the sound of it, that's all it seemed to be; a one night stand.

And that was before the two of you had become friends, which made that bitter pill a little easier to swallow. But in recent months you'd noticed how he couldn't seem to get away from these vultures quick enough when they tried their luck. A part of you hoped, maybe foolishly, that he rebuffed them because maybe, just maybe, he had feelings for you too. But the logical part of your mind kept telling you that was wishful thinking and to not look too much into it. If only your yearning heart would listen to your sensible mind, alas it's never that simple. So you tried your best to ignore your feelings, even though sometimes you could swear you'd caught the odd lingering stare from him, subtle touches lasting longer than necessary, such as when he'd pull you up a steep incline and not immediately release your hand, or when he opened a door for you to walk through and his hand would nestle at the small of your back. Of course it could just be his way of being friendly and polite and maybe you're only seeing what you want to see. So it was for the best to try and suppress any fanciful thoughts and just focus on being his friend. After all, you'd rather have Joel as a friend than not at all.

And now here you are, traipsing through the picturesque landscape with your two favourite people. It's nearing late afternoon now and you swear the sun's heat has spiked just to torture you, sweat rolling down your neck and soaking the top of your tank top. The breeze seems to have vanished too, making the woodland feel like an unforgiving inferno. You watched as Joel led the way along the trail, the broad expanse of his back capturing your attention in a mesmerising allure. You noticed how his sweaty black T-shirt stuck to the planes and muscles of his physique and if you hadn't pretty much sweated all of the water from your body already, you're certain you'd be drooling now. God, does this man even know how beautiful he is? An unexpected outburst from Ellie snapped you out of your momentary ogling. "Oh hell yeah!" She exclaimed, excitedly as she darted off down a trail to the right. "Ellie," Joel shouted as he ran after her, glancing over his shoulder to make sure you were following. As you descend the slight incline you gasp at the sight before you. A small and placid lake with a small jetty (probably built for fishing before the outbreak), surrounded by low lying vegetation and trees sat hidden away as if it's beauty is to sacred for just anyone to see it.

The colour of the water seemed almost unnatural, the dazzling azure of the shore giving way to cobalt blue the further out you looked. The mostly still water rippled now and then as fish came to the surface to devour unsuspecting bugs, while the sunlight glistened and shimmered off the glass like surface. Birds warbled to each other in the trees and you found yourself lost in the moment. A moment to appreciate the radiance and serenity this post apocalyptic world has managed to retain. Beauty, simplicity, harmony; It can all still be found if you take the time to look for it, and with that comes the joy of knowing that not everything had been destroyed. These moments should be cherished, maybe now more than ever. "Wow it's stunning!" you breathed out in awe, eyes fixated on the scene gracing you. "Bombs away!" Ellie yelled as she dropped her pack and ran to the end of the jetty. Her cannonball entrance startled the birds feeding on the shore close by, forcing them to take to the air. After a few moments she breaks the surface with the goofiest grin on her face, while pushing loose, soaked strands out of her eyes.

"You two gotta try this!" she beamed. Joel rolled his eyes in mock annoyance, as he always did when she got carried away. "I don't think so, kiddo," he replied, folding his arms. Ellie huffed, "Fine, you old grouch. You have no idea what you're missing." "I'm sure I don't," Joel smirked. "What about you Y/N?" Ellie asked hopefully. "Um....," you began. "Go on in if you want," Joel insisted with a soft smile that almost made you knees buckle, "I'll keep an eye out." "I...um...," you falter, cheeks turning redder than the heat already made them. Joel raised his eyebrows, puzzled by your awkward response. "Come on," Ellie pressed, almost impatiently, kicking her legs up in front of her. "Don't make me swim alone." You look to Ellie, then to Joel sheepishly. "I can't swim," you confess with a shrug. "Really?" Joel seemed genuinely surprised. You shake your head, embarrassment creeping over you at your lack of knowledge of a skill that could one day save your life.

"Joel can teach you. He taught me," Ellie offered while twirling in the water. "Would you Joel?" you ask, unable to hide the excitement in your voice. "Sure thing, darling," Joel replied, his southern drawl becoming more prominent on the last word. "And don't worry about drowning. Joel will give you the kiss of life," Ellie interjected with a wink and a smirk at you, that suggested she knew something you didn't. "Ellie!" Joel snapped, his flushed cheeks matching your own. "What?" Ellie shrugged nonchalantly, "Just saying is all." Joel looked at you and smiled shyly. You've never seen Joel look so flustered the whole time you've known him and you couldn't help but find him suddenly endearing, provoking a shy smile of your own to break out across your face. "So when can we do this?" you asked quickly, before Joel can change his mind. "Guess we could do it tomorrow?" he suggested. "Cool, tomorrow it is!" You confirmed with a big grin. Your mind was racing with excitement and nerves on the walk back to Jackson. You and Joel would be alone in the water, physically closer than you've ever been before. Just the thought of his big, strong hands holding you in the water was enough to dampen your panties with desire. Stop it! you chastised yourself. He doesn't like you like that. But then why did Ellie wink? And why did Joel seem so awkward? Maybe... nope, nope he doesn't, you try to convince your overly hopeful mind.

Joel could kill Ellie sometimes. That girl is too smart and too perceptive for her own good. For months Joel was convinced he'd successfully concealed his feelings for you, but all this time Ellie could see straight through his facade. His heart thumped nervously in his chest as a thought crossed his mind. If Ellie saw it the whole time, could Y/N? His mouth became dry at the thought that you might have known all along, and for the sake of your friendship had decided to not acknowledge it. But now Ellie had let the cat out of the bag and there's no going back. The last thing he would want is to ruin the friendship the three of you had built over the months. Joel know's he's not the type to easily make friends but the more time he'd unintentionally spent around you, the more he realised he enjoyed your company. Your cheery disposition seemed to balance out his gruff and often grumpy demeanour and in no time at all he'd found himself falling hard for you. So much so that he no longer sought out meaningless one night stands with Jackson's women. He only wanted you. He'd often lie awake at night fantasising about taking you in his arms and worshipping your body as you deserve.

How he'd take his time exploring every inch of you, caressing your smooth skin and bringing you over the edge with his tongue again and again until you were begging him to fuck you. But every time he dared to hope that you could feel the same way he had to remind himself that a young, beautiful, graceful woman like you, who could have any man she wanted, wouldn't look twice at an man two decades older than her. And if the most he could get from you is your friendship, he'd gladly take that any day. He just hopes that Ellie's ill timed but well intended faux pas hasn't now caused irreparable damage. He noticed you'd been unusually quiet for most of the walk back, but then again so had he. Ellie of course filled the, what would have been, uncomfortable silence with her shitty puns and random comments about anything and everything that entered her mind. For once Joel was glad of Ellie's non stop blabber as it eased the air of awkwardness between you both as the two of you fell into conversation with her and eventually each other once again.

The three of you arrive home as the sun coats the evening sky in gold and pink hues, casting long shadows over the town, the calm air cooling to a more bearable temperature. "So.....," you turned to Joel before having to break away to make your way to your own house, "See you bright and early tomorrow?" "Yep, see you then, Y/N," he responded with a light pat on your shoulder, looking directly into your eyes. Just the slightest touch from Joel set your body buzzing. You don't think you've craved anyone so much in your entire life. Feeling a bit bashful under the gaze of his caramel brown eyes, you try your best to compose yourself and, looking between Joel and Ellie you bid them both a good night with a warm smile, then begin to walk away. "Night," Ellie chirps at you while waving, ".....and enjoy your lesson tomorrow!" she calls over her shoulder in an obvious teasing tone. You look back and chuckle when you see Joel gently shove her forward and mumble something at her in exasperation.

The lake sparkled in the early morning sunshine. The flawless surface, reflecting the world above the shoreline in a perfect mirror image resonated deep within you, reminding you once again of why you love to be out in the middle of nature. "Okay, ready for your first lesson?" Joel spoke in his authoritative dad voice as if he was addressing Ellie, which made you stifle a giggle. He dropped his backpack on the ground and pulled out a pair of knee length shorts. "Ready as I'll ever be," you reply enthusiastically. "Be right back," Joel said as he walked off behind a tree to change into the shorts. As he returned he noticed you trying to suppress a smile. Trying and failing. He cocks an eyebrow. "What?" "Nothing, you..... I just never thought I'd see grumpy Joel Miller looking so casual in a pair of shorts," you chuckled behind your hand. "Shut up," Joel playfully scolded you with a hint of discomfiture in his voice. "Aren't you going to change?" Joel inquired while looking over your jeans and T shirt. "You wont be able to swim in them." "One step ahead of you Miller," you grinned while removing your boots and socks, then taking off your top and Jeans to reveal a shocking pink bikini. Joel's jaw had never hit the floor so fast in his life! Heat spread through his cheeks and down south at the sight the sight of you in a bikini. Suddenly he felt like a teenager who'd seen boobs for the first time. You were mesmerising!

His gaze quickly trailed over your exposed body, from the curve of your hips to the valley between your pert breasts, supported perfectly by the thin materiel of your bikini top and finally up to your face. He cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly as you looked at him a little bashfully and he realised he'd been caught staring just a little too long. "Shall we?" you gestured to the lake then turned to disguise the slight smirk that had broken out across your face. You are so glad you'd decided to check the old suitcases during a patrol to the ski lodge a few weeks ago, and found this little gem. You were initially hesitant about wearing it in front of Joel. It's been so long since you'd worn a bikini and the though of being so exposed felt quite foreign now, but judging by Joel face you couldn't have looked too bad in it. His reaction had set something off in your brain. Maybe he is attracted to me, after all? Maybe he's always wanted me as much as I want him..... or maybe it's just been a while since he's seen an (almost) naked woman, well... he's a man at the end of the day.

You're rational mind decided it was best to settle on that last reason and not dwell on it. You follow Joel into the water, nervously stepping further out until the surface is lapping at your waist. "It's effing freezing!" you shrieked cheerfully, while holding your hands above the water. "Wimp," Joel teased as he looked back at you, instantly noticing how your nipples poked through your bikini top. He spun his head back around, trying to gather his thoughts. "Just a little further," he coaxed. "It's not too deep." You swallow apprehensively and wade out a bit further until the water is level with your chest. You close the gap between you and Joel, suddenly feeling a warmth spread through you despite the frigid water. How can he have such an effect on me?... Focus, idiot! You look up into Joel's mahogany eyes and for a moment neither of you say anything or even move. Forget the fear of drowning in the lake, you're already drowning in those big, expressive, puppy dog eyes! Joel looks as nervous as you feel, the air so thick with sexual tension that you'd forgotten to breath.

You slowly release the breath you'd been unknowingly holding, your chest shuddering slightly as it escaped. It didn't go unnoticed by Joel, who was trying his best to keep it together when all he wanted to do was take you in his arms, taste you, feel you..... His jaw ticked as he cleared his throat again. "So..." Joel begins, awkwardly, "The first thing ya need to learn is how to stay afloat in an emergency." Joel's head begins to clear a little as he focuses on the lesson. "If you're in deep water and getting tired just lay on your back with your arms and legs spread out like a starfish." He demonstrated the position briefly, then stood back up and walked back over to you. Your eyes lustfully trailed over his torso as he made his way back. His soaked T-shirt clung to every inch of his chest and you suppressed the urge to bit your bottom lip. "Okay, you try." "But I'll sink," you protested timorously. "No you won't. I won't let ya," he reassured you with a small smile. "I'll keep my hand under your back and only let go when you're feeling confident, Okay?"

His soft and reassuring gaze helped to settle your unease. You've always trusted Joel and if he says he won't let you sink, then you're perfectly safe. "Okay..." you agree with a bit more confidence. As you begin to lean back you feel his hand lightly press against your back. What you weren't expecting was for his other hand to sweep across the back of your thighs to bring your legs to the surface with the rest of your body. A shot of arousal shot straight to your sex at the contact, your pussy clenching around nothing, while trying to keep your breathing steady. While floating you make sure to focus on the clear blue sky above you and not on Joel. Damn it, if you make eye contact now, you'll lose the last bit of composure you're just about clinging to. "There you go Y/N, you got it. Doing so well," Joel praised, softly.

Maybe it was just your heightened state of arousal but Joel's low, smooth voice sent a shudder rippling through you, exciting every inch of your body. It's enough to drive you to distraction! If he felt you shudder you could at least blame it on the cold water and hide the fact that he's so easily making you feel like a horny schoolgirl. You're so preoccupied with keeping your waning composure in check that you don't notice that Joel is having just as hard a time focusing as you are. Seeing your entire body laid out before him, (and almost naked for God sake), is the sweetest torture he's ever had to endure. He can't help it but his eyes momentarily drift to your chest, relishing the sight of your pebbled nipples poking through the thin fabric of your bathing suit, the way the water runs down each breast. God, how he longs to run his fingers over your silky looking skin and gently pinch your nipple until you moan..... Fuck, he groaned inwardly. He shouldn't be looking at you and thinking about you like this. You're his friend for crying out loud, his much younger friend too! He shakes his head as though it would erase every sinful thought invading his mind.

"Okay," he breathed, "I'm gonna let go now, darling." He slowly removes his hands, much to your disappointment, and your body begins to float. You're amazed at how easily you bob on the surface and can't hold back an elated squeal. "Joel, I'm actually floating. I'm doing it, look!" Joel's heart felt like it just grew in size at your carefree and childlike happiness. Seeing you smile, hearing you laugh reminds him that there is still beauty in this world. "Good job, sweetheart," Joel commended with a grin, "knew you could do it." After a few moments of savouring the sensation of almost weightlessness you lowered your feet to the bottom and decided your are brave enough to try again, without assistance. You beam with excitement as the movements come to you so effortlessly. "You're a natural," Joel crooned. Giggling you place your feet back down and turn to face Joel, who looked like a proud dad at his kids' school play. With exhilaration still buzzing through your veins you look up into Joel's eyes with a broad grin, "Thank you for- Arrrrgh!!!..."

Joel felt as though he was going to have a heart attack as a sudden burst of adrenaline ripped through him. Before he could even fully register what was happening you had gripped onto his neck, wrapped your legs tightly around his stomach and tried to crawl higher up his torso. The sheer, unexpected force of your body slamming into his knocked him off balance. He stumbled back while instinctively wrapping his arms around you, just managing to steady himself before falling back and taking you under with him. "What the fuck?!" Joel yelled, his face matching the panic on your own. "Something's down there! It touched me! It fucking touched me!" You screamed while while still trying to crawl up him. Joel sighed a breath of relief. "It's just a fish. There's plenty of them in here. They ain't gonna hurt you," He reassured you while trying to suppress a smirk. However his voice betrayed the fact that he now found your reaction amusing. "Hey, it's not fucking funny, okay!" you smiled as you slapped his shoulder. "It scared the shit out of me!" "And you scared the shit outta me! Can't do that to an old man!" Joel retorted lightheartedly.

You chuckled while nervously looking around for a few moments, not that you can see anything under the water, then turn your attention fully to Joel. You've never been this close to him before and you find yourself transfixed by his eyes. You notice the varying shades of brown and how they blend so intricately together, as if nature itself is an artist and Joel is the masterpiece. Those beautiful, expressive orbs could tell a thousand stories and you wish to know every one of them, the good and the bad. But the story they seem to be conveying now is one of nervousness and..... want? It feels as though he's looking past your own eyes and into your very soul, discovering secrets and desires deep within. You feel vulnerable and exposed and you like it. You're not sure how long you've both been staring at one another, when suddenly you are acutely aware that Joel's hands are cupping your ass, on big palm on each cheek, holding you tightly against him. You feel your tits press into his chest with every inhale you take, but you don't want to move.

Joel's brain is still trying to catch up with what exactly just transpired here. With what led you both to being in such an intimate embrace. All he knows for certain is that he owes that fish a huge debt! He never imagined he would eve get to hold you so close and now he never wants to let go. He could be wrong, he could be seeing what he wants to see but he's been around long enough to recognise the look you're giving him in this moment; The look of longing and desire. That, coupled with the fact that your soft and supple ass is currently in his hands has his cock rock hard in his shorts. Thank god you climbed up his body or this would have been really awkward. "Joel," you whisper in a sultry tone, "You can..... you can let go now." You know your expression belies your words. Truthfully you could stay this way forever. Joel notices the contradiction, and it may be foolish of him but he has to know. He has to try or he'll regret it for the rest of his days. "Do you want me to let go?" he asked slowly, chest heaving in anticipation. He's sure you can feel the vibrations of his frantic heartbeat. You almost say yes but your body yearns for his touch, his warmth, and it's obvious now that he doesn't want to let go. You stare into his eyes for a few moments before shaking your head, "No... I don't" you exhale in relief, feeling a weight lifted from you now that you've made it clear you want him. He knows now and there's no going back.

Your gaze leaves his eyes and travels to his plush lips, then return to his eyes, looking for any indication that he's uncomfortable. But all you find is a quiet confirmation that he wants this as much as you do in the way he also looks at your mouth, then to your eyes. Slowly, you lean in, giving him the chance to back away if he changes his mind. But before you can think too much on that Joel closes the gap between you both, pressing his lips to yours. His lips feel as soft as they look, a feather-light touch that sends jolts of electricity down your spine. You slide a hand up into his hair, gently gripping onto his wavy locks. Joel deepens the kiss while sliding his tongue across your bottom lip. You gladly grant him access, savouring the taste and feel of his warm tongue for the first time. What began as a delicate, soft kiss has now become a passionate entanglement of tongues and teeth. You grip his hair harder with both hands to hold his head as you both lick into each other. Joel's fingers dig into your ass cheeks, pushing your already throbbing core to rub against his stomach. You gasp as you involuntarily grind your pussy against him, which causes Joel to grip you tighter and moan into your mouth. A deep, reverberating moan that travels through his chest and into yours, igniting and insatiable need for him to be inside you. Joel breaks away to look into your eyes, his own dark with need.

"Jesus Christ Y/N, you got no idea how badly I want you," Joel rasped while running one hand up the curve of your bare back. A small smile tugs at the corner of your mouth as you playfully run your nose along the curved tip of his. "Show me," you purred against his lips, while running a hand down his stomach, to the hem of his shorts. Joel's brain almost short circuited right then and there. He's pray's, no begs this isn't all a dream. Here you are, the woman he's fallen hopelessly in love with, whom he craves more than oxygen, is asking him to discover her in the most intimate sense. He can't hold back anymore. He's like a man possessed! Grabbing the back of your neck, he crashes his mouth onto yours, his tongue parting your lips and finding your tongue once again. You moan into his mouth as his fingers find the hem of your bikini bottoms, covering your soft lips. He slowly slides a finger underneath the fabric, resulting in your back arching of it's own accord. His tender stroking is enough to send jolts of pleasure throughout your clenching pussy. You run your hand further down and into his shorts, finding his already throbbing cock. Fuck, he's huge! You use your fingers to map out the image, feeling each vein along his length and the sheer width.

You feel a smug sense of satisfaction knowing you are the reason he's so hard right now. You feel his cock twitch as you wrap your hand around him and slowly begin to pump up and down, rubbing your thumb over the sensitive head. The groan you pull from him is primal and only serves to fuel your own arousal more. Joel's now holding you by one ass cheek as his thick and agile fingers tease your entrance. Your grip tightens around his dick as he lightly traces along your folds until he settles on your clit. A high pitched gasp escapes from your throat as Joel begins to rub small circles over the little bundle of nerves, sending tingles all along your cunt and into your lower stomach, the sensitivity causing your whole body to shudder as his strokes become faster and more determined. Unable to focus on anything but the intense pleasure anymore, your moans turns into cries as your face falls to his shoulder and your hand stills on his cock. Joel holds you tight as waves of euphoria radiate across your shuddering frame, seizing your muscles and stealing the air from your lungs. "That's it, good girl. So good for me," Joel purrs in your ear as you come down from your high. "Joel...." you wheeze, breathlessly. "Hmm?" He hums as he nips at your earlobe while squeezing your ass tighter. "I need.... need you inside me....now," you rasp through your delirious haze.

Just hearing you say those words (words he never thought he'd hear from you) has Joel's mind whirling. "I'll give ya what you need sweetheart. I'll take good care of ya, but not in this dirty water. Don't want ya getting an infection, do we?" And with that he grips your plush ass with both hands, pulling you up to wrap your legs tighter around his waist, the unexpected manhandling turning you on even more than you thought possible. He walks you both out of the water and onto the shoreline as if you weigh nothing to him. Joel kisses you again while slowly sliding you down his body until one foot reaches the ground, the other leg is hiked up to his hip, his calloused hand smoothing the soft flesh at the back of your thigh. With a deep groan he releases your leg and walks over to the backpacks, pulling two towels out and laying them on the mossy ground. Joel walks back over to you, wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you off your feet, causing you to giggle, which in turn brings out of him that smile you adore. It's a good thing he has a firm hold of you right now or your knees would give out at such a beautiful sight. He brings you to the towels to lay you down. The cool, mossy ground is almost as soft as a mattress and the thought of having Joel out here in the beauty of the natural world is both freeing and exhilarating! As Joel settles between your legs you sit up and grab the bottom of his T-shirt.

He lifts his arms, allowing you to pull his wet shirt off. His body is a sight to behold! Broad shoulders leading to a toned chest with a scattering of greying chest hair, thick arms almost three times the size of your own, perfectly bronzed and sun kissed skin littered with several scars; A testament of his will and ability to survive in a dangerous and unpredictable world. You suddenly feel like no-one and nothing on this Earth could touch you with this powerhouse of a man at your side. You bite your lower lip and lean in, planting kisses all along his collarbone and move down his chest, running your hands up and down his soft stomach. As you indulge in enjoying Joel's body with your lips and tongue, he reaches around to unclasp your bikini top, letting it fall to the ground. He pulls back to admire the sight gracing his eyes. The image of your bare breasts before him has Joel salivating. His eyes turn dark with lust. He lifts a hand to caress the soft swell of your tit, rolling a pebbled nipple between his thumb and forefinger, just as he'd imagined. Christ, you feel heavenly!

The sound of your sultry sigh only increases the intensity of Joel's burning desire to claim every bit of you. He lowers his head and takes your tit into his mouth, swirling his tongue around your hardened nipple, while palming the other one. Your arms wrap around his head and your head falls back as you arch your back, pushing your chest further into his face. The sounds he's pulling from you only seem to spur him on. After a few more moments he releases your nipple with a satisfying 'Pop' and smirks. "God baby girl, you're perfect," Joel croons, "Tell me what you want." " I want to taste you, Joel." You didn't mean for your voice to sound like a whiny beg but that's all you can muster in your lust filled state. You look down to admire the tent in his shorts. "S'all yours, darling," he grins, his honeyed Texan drawl making you swoon. You eagerly pull his shorts down and his cock springs free, hitting his lower belly and smearing a smattering of precum over his 'treasure trial'. Your eyes widen at the size of him. Your sense of touch didn't deceive you; He really is fucking huge!

Your eyes trail up his thick and veiny member to the purplish tip and without realising you bite your bottom lip again. Joel chuckles, softly, "Like what you see?" "Mmmhmm....," is the only sentence you can articulate in return, your eyes wide in lust as you take in the glorious sight of him. You look up to Joel's face and silently tell him to stand, while you get up on your knees. You delicately take his dick in your hand, your fingers and thumb not even meeting around the girth of it. Slowly and firmly you pump while looking up at Joel, whose eyes are in the process of rolling back into his skull! "Fuck, Y/N, just like that. Feel's so good," he whines. Before he knows it he feels the wet warmth of your mouth enveloping him, your tongue swirling languidly around the head, almost making his knees buckle. He feels himself sink further into your throat, eliciting deep, sensual moans from your chest that vibrate through his cock, making him shudder. He feels close, too close as you continuously hollow out your cheeks and suck with a vengeance again and again. He has to stop you know or he won't last long enough to fuck you. "Okay, that's enough, sweetheart," he gushes as he gently pulls himself from your mouth, "or I'm not gonna last much longer and I wanna feel all of you," he says with a wink.

He carefully lays you back down on the ground as if you're made of fine china, and removes your bikini bottoms. "Whew..." Joel whistles, staring at your pussy with look of a starved animal. "Beautiful!" His reaction to your naked cunt stirs a feeling of desperation to have him inside you right now. "Joel.... I need you, need to feel you-" "Patience darling," he soothed while teasing your moist folds. "Just gonna loosen you up a bit for me. I don't wanna hurt you." He slowly sinks two thick fingers inside you, dragging along your velvety walls. You gasp in pleasure, your hips bucking in response to the welcome intrusion. After a few moments he hooks his fingers, pressing over and over onto that sweet spot that now has you reduced to a squirming, panting mess. "So wet," Joel marvels, his voice dripping with seedy desire. Your walls start to flutter as a burst of pleasure grips you for the second time. "Oh shit, Joel," you mewl as you recover from yet another orgasm, leaving you breathless. Joel smiled, his eyes crinkling at the sides. "I know, baby. Ready for me now?" "Yes, please, just fuck me!" you beg, unashamedly. "I've got ya, gorgeous," Joel whispered. He notches the tip of his cock at your entrance, looks into your eyes and steadily and gently pushes into you, parting your velvety walls around his thickness. The beautiful sting of the stretch has you gasping and rolling your head back, overwhelmed with the sensations of pain and pleasure, both complimenting one another and setting your nerves, your cells, every part of you ablaze.

Joel can't help but grunt as he bottoms out completely. You both still for a moment, just to enjoy the feel of each other. You've never felt so deliciously full in all your life and wish it would never end. He then begins to thrust in and out, one hand gripping your hip while the other kneads hungrily at your breast. As Joel picks up the pace you feel him hitting your G spot over and over. You arch your back, wrap your arms and legs around him and spread your thighs wider, clamping your calves around his waist and digging your feet into his ass to push him as deep as possible. You just can't get enough of him! The tingling sensation returns, heat building in your belly at the blissful feeling of Joel's hard and throbbing cock hitting every part of your silky tunnel, bringing your orgasm dangerously closer by the second. Joel continues to pound into you like his life depends on it, battering your cervix. You've never experienced this level of rapture with any previous sexual partners. Joel certainly puts them to shame today. The familiar coil begins to tighten in your lower belly, causing your walls to contract harder around his length.

"Fuck," Joel gushes, sounding awed. "So tight!..... fucking.... fucking made for me sweet girl!" Joel's relentless pounding has you crying out his name as you soak his cock with you slick juices. "You're doing so good. Takin' me so good. I think you can give me one more, what ya say?" Your eyes feel heavy, chest heaving as you are still recovering from your third high. "I... can't...." you pant desperately. "Yes you can , baby." Joel's gentle coax seeps into your shaking body, making you completely compliant to his wishes. Hell, you'll do anything he wants right now. He kisses you, deep and hungry with passion while moving his fingers to your aching core. You're already to overstimulated that it takes mere seconds before you feel another orgasm building as he rubs faster and faster at your swollen bud. Your hands grip onto his shoulders, digging your nails in so deep you know you're leaving little crescent indents in his soft flesh. Something about that excites you even more, as if you're marking him as yours. You tremble, uncontrollably as a sudden surge of white hot bliss sweeps through your anatomy, your voice horse from screaming in ecstasy, you're ears ringing through yet another intoxicating peak.

You can tell Joel is close as his thrusts become sloppy. The sweet sound of your blissed out moans leaving your soft lips is music to Joel's ears. He's sure even the heavenly hosts could not sounds as enchanting as you do right now in his arms. He grabs your hand from his shoulder and lays it beside your head, interlacing his fingers with yours. He buries his face into your neck as he feels about ready to erupt. The warmth, the wetness, how you fit so perfectly around him, squeezing his pulsating erection is too much. "Where do you want me, sweetheart?" Joel asks in a low shuddering voice in your ear. "Inside please!" you implore. "I want all of you." Joel growls lewdly at the thought of laying complete claim to you by coating your insides in himself. A few more deep snaps of his hips brings his balls to tighten and throb as he bursts within you, painting your fluttering walls with thick ropes of his pearly white cum. His thrusts slowly cease as your legs fall limp from his sides. You kiss him leisurely, both groaning into each other's mouths. "That was..." Joel begins, still catching his breath, cheeks flushed red. "Wow..." You finish his sentence with a lazy smile. "Yeah," Joel chuckles as he slides out of you onto his back on the towel. You already miss the feeling of him being inside you.

He wraps an arm under your neck and around your shoulder, pulling you into his side. You lay your head on his chest and rest a hand on his soft tummy. He lovingly lays his hand on top of yours and you notice just how much his large hand dwarfs yours. Basking in the afterglow, you both just lay together, revelling in this new found intimacy between you. For so long you've wanted Joel to know exactly how you feel but the fear of rejection kept your confession at bay. Even though there were times when you suspected that he might want more than friendship, you didn't want to push the boundary and potentially ruin the close friendship you'd both built. But knowing now that he's wanted you all along in the same way you want him leaves no doubt in your mind; You're his and he's yours. You can't keep the smile off your face, knowing you've both crossed into new territory and what this means going forward. It may be a little soon and some might even call you downright foolish as your next words flow from the heart with such conviction. "Joel...." you breathed quietly. "Hmmm," he answered in a low rumble. "I love you." A moment of silence passes and an anxious knot begins to from in your stomach, fearing you've ruined this moment by coming on too strong. But before your mind can spiral any further with doubts, Joel pulls you into him even tighter, tucking you under his chin and kisses the crown of your head. He sighs contentedly and whispers "I love you too Y/N.

[quannaix]

What is your experience with Animal Crossing?

Okay it has been literally over three months since you sent this so I apologise I just have a lot to say and wanted to enjoy going on about Animal Crossing.

My first was Animal Crossing Wild World, which I saved up for and bought, even pre-owned it was expensive for primary school me. I did not know much about the game and it was years before I realised that the copy hadn't been wiped so I'd walked into someone else's town. I'm guessing someone called George, since my town was named Egroeg. But by that point I'd been playing for so long I didn't want to wipe my progress. Also by then I had realised that he had upgraded Nook's to the highest version, which would have been hard for me to replicate because it involved playing multiplayer and I only had one other friend with the game. I really loved ACWW, and I spent lots of time playing it even though I definitely didn't understand a lot of elements of the game. My friend and I spend loads of time imagining things we'd love to add to the game, like if you could get a job (paying that loan off in shells is hard!) and I thought it would be cute if you could drive around in a little car that had a boot for extra inventory space (backpacks fill up a lot when things don't stack). I became best friends with Kiki in this game and when she moved I was so sad that I planted a tree where her house had been thinking that would stop another house taking her place (I was wrong, but it's the thought that counts).

I did get AC Let's Go to the City for the Wii, but never racked up many hours on that because being console based I'd have to find time when the family wasn't using the TV. I definitely prefer it as a handheld game.

I got given Animal Crossing New Leaf for my birthday when it released and I maintain this is best AC game. I still love it so much. I love that they introduced the mechanics of town design, most notably that Roost was a stand alone cafe and you got to choose where to place it!!!!! I think this might be around the time I first started following you (saxyplaya hehe) I assume because I found you from looking for QR codes for designs. I am still obsessed with so many of the QR code dresses people came up with. I think ACNL had the best balance of effort to output. Like it had these town design features but still took ages to do things. You had to grow trees from scratch and grow them again if you placed em wrong. This made everything feel more satisfying though, imo. You really put in the hours, and days and weeks, so the results would make me feel proud. I love that there are so many fruit tree varieties, I love visiting the island, I love that you CAN work at the Roost and that Brewster would give you coffee rewards. The updates they made with Happy Home Designer and the campsite, including adding the 'god mode' furniture design thing did make things a lot easier. But I like actually that to see anything you have to actually put it on/put it in the room, in your cupboards everything is just the generic category icon. I still have not caught all the bugs and fish in this game. I THINK I have all the fossils, but I think it makes it more fun for longer if it's not so easy to catch everything. I love the shopping street, and slowly unlocking the buildings. I love that little bench at the end of the street looking out. I think the music in this game is so lovely too, and one of my most favourite things is walking around on a rainy day in my town. I also actually loved that it was always the opposite weather hemisphere-wise, often I'd log in in irl winter so I could feel warm and vice-versa.

I also just love the graphics and look and feel of the game. The characters are still sassy and have a lot of personality. I always think fondly of my neighbour O'Hare, because his birthday is two days after mine. Now I could wax rhapsodic about ACNL al day but I should move on!

I freely admit I did obsessively play AC Pocket Camp for like a year or two when it came out (maybe longer??) to fill the void while I waited to see if there would be a Switch game. My partner also got me the original GameCube Animal Crossing for Christmas, which I played a little, but we don't usually have the GameCube set up and see above my preference of handheld play for AC. Still, a very cute present that I love having.

The second they Switch was announced, I said that I would be holding off on buying one until I saw if they put out a new AC game with a console to match. And I am SO glad I did because I was able to get the console and the game when they came out and I think the console is sooooo pretty. ACNH is really fun as well, I do like the addition of terraforming, being able to place furniture outside, and that they went really ham on the graphics. While I think I still have more of a soft spot for the older graphic style, I love things like the raindrops on the windows and the furniture blowing as the fan goes over it, etc etc those little tiny additions really melt my heart. I do feel like they smoothed out the characters too much, they don't have as much personality as they used to. And as much as so many things are easier (changing clothes, furniture, moving trees and plants, catching all fish/bugs and fossils) I think I preferred it when it was a bit more challenging. I wish the Roost was separate still </3. I loved the addition of Island Designer, I find that so fun, and I love the glowing moss furniture, and being able to design villager's houses (given that sometimes they start to look really dogshit after I've been gifting them my garbage furniture sorry guys). I don't send letters as much in this game as I used to, idk why exactly it just never seemed as fun or important in ACNH. I like the addition of cooking, more just because it tickles me personally. I'm back and forth on the crafting mechanism. I think overall I like it, and in many ways it's a return to the challenging aspects I just went on about loving in the previous game in terms of it being an involved process (esp if you want to change the colours), but I think that tools breaking SO fast annoys me and that even gold tools break annoys me heaps. Overall I do still enjoy ACNH, and I'm actually glad that it introduced the game to a whole lot of new people because it's widened the audience of people I can ramble about AC to. I do wish I had gone with the other hemisphere weather, I went back and forth on that and I discovered I actually prefer it NOT aligning with my real life weather so it can serve as an escape.

Thank you for asking me this question, in case you can't tell I love talking about Animal Crossing it is definitely one of my favourite game series of all time <3

[librarycards]

How’d you discover you were plural? If that’s ok to ask

of course! genuinely, it's less of a discovery that &i is/are plural, and more that plurality is a meaningful conceptual framework to apply to my/our existence.

to dip a bit into coming-out cliché, &i've never felt, like, singular; we've always been iterative. we hardly even share the same body. actually, the iterations we've been are sometimes tied to particular forms of embodimindment, not unrelated to other experiences i've had - disorderly eating/drastic weight changes/puberty/trans medical interventions/elective body modification/lived experiences of trauma. this, like many things, is something for a while we assumed everyone felt (and perhaps everyone would, if we as a society did not tamp down so violently on our inherent systemhood [we're made of systems]).

then, &i learned that not everyone referred to themselves with different pronouns directed toward different iterations, and that this actually offended some trans people &i tried to like, ~build community~ with. people don't like seeing selveshood as periodized, because that disrupts the narrative of linear progress/growing-up we like to ascribe to "being a person."

so we sat with this feeling of having grown sideways or crossways and learned about multiplicity (beyond harmful media/medical discourse) on tumblr. actually, &i think [S]arah learned about it back when she was knee deep in the whole indigo children thing lmao, because there was also soulbonding stuff etc. [don't bother with those types of sites, they're run by new age antisemitic anti-vaxxers, but obviously 9 year old [S]arah didn't know that].

when we began learning about multiplicity on tumblr, we were under the assumption that alters had to be far more clearly defined and transparently mapped than is true, &i think, for most systems. others have commented on the weird proximity to clinical confessional discourse that fixations on system mapping point toward: not because there's an inherent problem with system mapping, but because the idea that everyone/everymany must do this / leave evidence of their collective (and ultimately, legible) existence, is just bullshit, just like the stories we have to tell to receive "gender dysphoria" diagnoses.

i think what really changed our relationship with multiplicity was/is our friendship with @materialisnt. it's difficult to describe the degree to which mix moss have impacted &my life, both through chaim "formal" scholarship (the formal/informal binary is bullshit ofc) and through several years of deep friendship and unwavering solidarity. &i recognize in hindsight that &my longstanding interest in multiplicity - and alterhumanity writ large, because i am not a human and actually don't think any of us are or were? - was really just, you know. being an egg. many such cases. mix. moss's patience with &my questions & collective excitement at my interventions and thoughts gifted us the confidence to, only recently [and partially pursuant to &my dissertation, which includes discussion of alterhuman digital epistemologies and pedagogies] begin identifying with plurality. perhaps even "as", though that preposition has always skeeved &me out when it comes to identity stuff.

ultimately, &my relationship with plurality isn't a concrete object that we eventually dug up and slapped a nametag on. it's a meaningful, collaborative, and community-based signifier that helps us best situate ourselves in conversations about relationships and love and pain and time and all the important parts of. existing, we guess. it's a choice to generate linguistic and spatiotemporal friction be just kinda existing and not being "one human being". it is also something that feels deeply heart-aligned, something that allowed me to let out a breath we'd been holding for a long time, and free up space to think with more creativity and compassion toward those &i value most: that is, those rejected by the existing conditions we call "reality" and "commonsense" and instead think more capaciously, as ourselves, about different ways of being persons and people together.

[12timetraveler]

Long post incoming. A couple pictures at the bottom but more photos to come I promise. Posting under the read more just so y'all don't have to deal with scrolling the whole thing.

Tombstone Redemption was a lot of fun and a lot of stress.

On the first day my friends and I decided to spend the day exploring and having fun and save the actor stuff for the second day. Mostly it was just exploring shops, finding all the red dead special items we wanted to buy, and just people watching. It was quite hot but we managed to keep cool for most of it and enjoy the town.

I ran into one Hosea cosplayer who was super sweet and seemed very excited to see Bessie. That was a big highlight I saw him a number of times throughout the weekend and he always made me smile. He seemed a little shy so I didn't get to talk to him too much which was a shame because he seemed so sweet. But I didn't want to push it and make him uncomfortable.

On day two I woke up early and got dressed and left the hotel around 9:30am to go line up for the autograph session. I expected it would take a couple hours but I did not realize just how long it would take.

11 hours.

I was in line. In the Arizona heat, for 11 fucking hours. Sometimes in shade, sometimes not.

The line stretched down the road and around the corner and around the lot of an abandoned motel. The autograph session didn't officially start until 11am. So already I was lining up an hour and a half early and I was so far back it was insane.

There were also people who hadn't gotten their autos the day before who had passes to get them first, and that held up the line quite a bit.

But I was determined. And honestly I still thought we'd be in line for maybe a couple hours. Oh how wrong I was.

Within about 5 hours we had only moved up maybe a third of the length of the line (honestly that is probably generous.) We started taking shifts out in the sun, the others going into one of the nearby restaurants to drink water and eat a little food.

Some time after noon I started feeling off. I was just not right. It's kind of hard to explain but I just was so tired, a little dizzy, a little nauseous. Just off. Nothing notably concerning but just not right. Assumed it was just heat and lack of sleep.

But I also began having panic attacks because I was starting to worry I'd never get to the front of the line. That I'd never get to meet Curzon (or any of the others but at this point if I only got to see Curzon I'd be happy.)

I'd calm down from the panic attack and then I'd start feeling off, then I'd get back into my head and start another panic attack, then I'd calm down and feel wrong again. It was a bit of a cycle.

After a time I finally asked my friend to wave down one of the paramedics that were passing out water because it occurred to me I have a history of high blood pressure and I was feeling some of the symptoms of my bp rising. My friend's dad walked me over to the paramedics who took me into the ambulance and checked me over.

My BP was the highest I've ever seen it. Something like 198/128. Not ideal.

The paramedics kept me in the air-conditioned ambulance to keep an eye on me and make sure I was okay. My BP went down pretty easily in the ambulance and I started feeling better. I just needed to get out of a sun, away from the lines, somewhere cool to just calm down and cool down. So I went back out to the line, though I was told very firmly to stay in the shade. So I wasn't really in line so much as I was standing in a shaded spot near the line just chilling with whoever was taking a shade break.

The line started making some progress, we finally moved into a shaded area, and I rejoined my friends in line. I was feeling optimistic that we'd get through the autos before the Q&A, which we had tickets for.

But then the line seemed to stop once again. And with the door leading into the saloon where the autograph session was being held in sight, they halted the line and told everyone they'd be back after the panel. Some of our line friends saved our spot in line, and we headed to the panel.

It was nice to sit down, though the hall the panel was held in had no AC so it was toasty. The actors were delightful, very humble and sweet and funny. Curzon hardly said a word, as per usual from him. But I did get to stand up and ask my question, which I directed at Curzon, and he gave a very sweet answer about how he loved filming the intimate moments he had with others in camp, like Dutch. (Video to come of this)

The panel ended and the actors filed out of the building first, walking down the isle and giving high fives to those they passed. Curzon was a little distracted, but my friend and I called out his name to ask for a high five. He stopped. Grabbed my hand in both of his, and kissed my hand, giving me a little smile as he continued out.

Well I of course melted into my seat, falling over on my friend and absolutely losing my shit. Ben seemed amused by this and gave me a little pat on the shoulder as he passed (which unfortunately was my only interaction with him at this con 😭)

I lost my mind. I can still feel Curzon's hands clutching mine, can see him so clearly leaning down and lifting my hand to his lips and giving me just a sweet little kiss on my hand, giving me a little squeeze before letting me go and continuing on. Just thinking about it now makes me want to absolutely sob.

After that the actors got on their trolly to get back to the saloon. So we hurried out to get back to the line.

And we waited probably another 30 minutes, maybe more, before we finally got in.

I started in Bens line but my friend needed to leave and we wanted to meet Curzon together so we jumped over to his line. He was so sweet to her, joking with her dad and giving her big smiles. He asked permission before wrapping his arm around her, which was very sweet, and we took some pictures and he gave her a hug, and then she had to leave.

Now it was just me standing there staring at the man who has been the center of my hyper fixation for two+ years at this point. I was a stammering, stumbling mess as I told him how much Hosea meant to me. How many friends I've made because of the character, how much I love the character. He asked what I liked most about Hosea and I told him it was Hoseas wit and cunning, as well as his kindness after everything he's gone through. (I was definitely too shy and flustered to say it was because I think Hosea is incredibly handsome). He asked me to go tell "the big guy" that, since he never listens (he was referring to Dutch).

I bashfully told him that if he couldn't tell, I was dressed as Bessie. He let out a little scoff and nodded like it was obvious, which made me smile (it was probably obvious from the picture I was carrying as a prop and the giant print I had him sign, but I kind of like to think maybe he'd heard rumors of the silly lady dressed as his wife. Or maybe he saw my Instagram posts idk.) He wasn't rude about it at all, just a little amused huff and a smile.

I had him sign a few things, and he took so much time and care to sign them all. Finally it was time for the picture.

I will post my pictures once I get home and can get them on my laptop. I'm not... Horribly thrilled with them. I was using my nice DSLR camera and maybe I should have just used my cellphone. The lighting in the saloon was terrible and my face is positively glowing with sweat. But hopefully a little editing will help. God I hope so.

He was very sweet, pulling me close for the picture. He liked to say "outlaws for life," to help people relax and smile more.

After the picture we talked a little bit more, I can't even completely remember entirely about what. I discussed a little server I have with some friends where we basically just moon over Hosea. He asked where I was from and I told him. Apparently he has some connections to Utah (I won't go to into it, but he's out this way quite often apparently. Man likes to travel.). Finally we started wrapping things up as folks started lining up behind me to see him. He asked me if he could give me a hug which I of course said yes to. He pulled me into a big, tight hug, and we probably spent like 15-20 seconds just squeezing each other tighter and tighter. He didn't loosen his grip until I did, and when we stepped back he said something like "I could feel all your energy in that hug."

We said our goodbyes and I moved on to get out of his way.

After that I floated around to a few of the other tables, but I could feel myself really fading now that I'd seen Curzon. I went and saw Rob Bogue (Red Harlow). He was an absolute sweetheart, and his handler (the person who you pay for autos and stuff) asked if I'd ever play a remaster/remake/re-anything of revolver. I told him absolutely and that I'd actually tried to get my hands on revolver before the con.

After him I went and saw Sam (Mary-Beth). She was a ray of sunshine. So sweet and chatty and just happy to see folks. Her handler gave me some water and they let me kind of hang out at the table for a bit (I was sweating more and more and after I admitted I had been in the ambulance for a bit they were super worried for me). She was in love with my dress and had me do a little twirl so she could see it better.

Then I went to see Kaili (Susan). I didn't get a picture with her but she had no line so we just chatted. I told her about the guinea pigs, particularly our sweet Susan. Then we gossiped about Curzon a little which was fun. They're buddies and she seemed so happy to see someone who loves Curzon/Hosea so much. Then she asked for a hug and I love hugs so I was all for it.

I was about to head out when I spotted Mick and I knew I had to go see him, plus he took card and I was out of cash. He was so funny oh my god you guys. I introduced myself and we chatted a little. He grabbed my fan and started fanning me and was like "MaryJane I'm your biggest fan!" Then he had me open my parasol so we could take a picture under it XD he made me laugh during the picture and it's honestly such a cute shot. He was just so sweet and funny I loved chatting with him.

At this point I knew I was just done. I hadn't gotten to meet so many of the people I was excited for. Not Ben or Peter or Alex, Jo, Gabriel (ugh my heart I wanted to meet him so bad), Steve not to mention Rob himself. Ugh I missed so many of them that I'm so sad about. But I knew I needed to just go back to the hotel and breathe, shower, relax. Plus, money. 😅

So even after the day going so long, basic spending all day in line in the desert sun, having to sit in the ambulance, having many panic attacks, and only eating one meal, ugh today was still heaven. Just for those last couple hours interacting with Curzon. He seriously was so sweet and genuine and made me feel so special. And that hug was one of the best things I've felt in a long time. God I needed that. He gives great hugs. 100/10 would recommend. And he smelled so nice and clean, no overwhelming cologne or anything, just crisp and clean. God I could have stayed in that hug forever but I didn't want to hold up the line.

All-in-all, today ended up being very good. Absolutely nothing went like I expected but it was still an absolutely incredible experience. I just wish I hadn't frozen up so much, and that I'd been able to find the words to express just how much Hosea means to me. Because I definitely didn't do it justice.

But at least I didn't cry in front of him like I thought I would. Now I'm just laying on my air mattress listening to sweet music and thinking over it all, making sure I get it all written down before any of it slips my mind. There are things I'd do again if I could but honestly I'm so happy with how the day went, and the convention went.

[trashyswitch]

Late Night Thoughts

I can make Sheldon Cooper lose his mind in 10 words or less; It is scientifically impossible to kill every germ.

And now for a mind-numbing, deep thought that I'm struggling to wrap my head around. TW: Talks of dimentia/Alzheimers, talks of a loss of memory and loss of ones self.

A person's life is made up of memories, right? And it's through those memories that a person grows psychologically, mentally, and emotionally. We talk about our regrets because they stick with us as painful memories. Usually, we'd rather avoid such memories because they are uncomfortable to replay in our minds. And yet, we feel a small sense of pride for learning from those regrets...because our thoughts on the memory changed, we had grown further as a person. Without that specific experience, we would not have emotionally and psychologically matured. With this in mind...A reminder that a person with dementia/alzheimers is slowly losing their memories. They're losing the one thing in their life that formed them as an individual human. That is likely why a dementia patient's personality changes so drastically. For example: My grandma has the early signs of dementia. Back in her late 20's to early 50's, she had been a perfectionate, stubborn woman. But seeing how her actions affected the others around her, she spent the next few decades actively trying to improve herself to be more loving, generous, caring and supportive. But because of the dementia, her younger personality is slowly leaving her mind and coming out in her words and actions. She is losing those memories...and she is losing those years of practice she remembered developing in order to improve herself. Without those memories of practicing, she forgets those coping mechanisms and returns to the person she originally was. This also may explain why moderately progressed dimentia patients regress to a younger version of themself...Because those memories they formed later on in life, are nearly non-existant by that point. All they really remember was their younger years. And depending on the day and their mind's progression, their body may regress to their older adult self, their younger adult self, and eventually their childhood. It's an absolutely terrifying disease that is incredibly hard to treat...cause once those memories are gone, there is no getting them back. Sorry if I terrified you, or made you sad while reading this...It's just thoughts I had going through my head at 3:27am.

[morimakesfanart]

If you can take a solid guess of what chapter Sindria’s prophet would end what do you think it would be and how would it end (I’m sorry if this was rude to ask)

I've answered this type of question a few times and my answer hasn't changed. I have no idea how many chapters this is going to take;;;; I thought the current Announcement Arc would happen around chapter 20, but a lot of things I planned for after it moved to in front, and the end of the Announcement arc changed to match the emotional beat I planned for what was going to be the original arc planned for ch30. I can't tell if things are moving as planned or not. In universe I thought we'd be hitting the Sindria Arc from the og around ch30 but I probably won't get there until ch45. But emotional progress is still being made close to what I expected???

If you want a number, my current guess is 100-125 chapters??? That could be very off in either direction.

I'm not going to say anything too spoilery but I'm still putting my answer about what happens in the ending under the cut so those that don't want to see it, don't have to. There's a bit of rambling because I struggle with explaining my writing in general.

So... The ending is Mori learning to feel safe in a relationship and the world not having to deal with one king on top. I know that's not much of answer & I've basically said this before;;;; It won't end when Mori and Sin get in a relationship, that's for sure. I know I did that one request for what their kids might look like, but I don't want to ever get pregnant so I know that won't happen probably. Might them adopt if I end up wanting to make them parents. (I've considered adopting or fostering if I ever make enough $$ to feel like I can actually support a child's needs. But in general, I do not want children of my own for a variety of reasons.)

I don't have anything resembling a solid plan past the Sindria Arc, and a few scenes for the Magnostadt arc (in case Mori fails to prevent Aladdin making that promise with Kouen, but I hopefully won't need to use them). I have a few things planned after that regardless of how the war ends, but there's a very strong possibility that none of them will happen, so I feel weird saying they will definitely happen.

My original ch4 ended very differently and by the ch8 that came from it I couldn't figure out what to do to keep the plot moving. It just felt wrong, so I went back to the last scene I wrote that I still really liked and rewrote the chapter to prevent it from happening. But I kept hitting a block so I kept going back farther until I ended up back at ch4. I was even more happy with the new ch4 than the og to the point I decided to post my fanfic. And the og ch4 had a kiss scene at the end, but that's also why it became a problem (I figured out later).

That's been my style of writing ever since and why I normally write several chapters ahead of where I'm posting. (I'm currently working on chapters 37&38.) Since I have no idea what road blocks I'll end up hitting, I have no idea what I'll end up changing. I can say that I plan to never have Mori capture a dungeon, but I have also designed a few dungeons and Djinn in case they end up needing one. Mori was supposed to meet the Generals with a meeting after recovering from illness, but the meeting and what happened afterwards wasn't flowing until I went back and split the meeting in 2, so now it's the meeting in the court yard, and the dinner with the Generals. I'm still not super happy with that dinner but they aren't things I can easily fix after posting. I just have to accept that my ability to write at the time wasn't up to the task of what I was trying to do. It did it well enough to get the idea across, and didn't break my ability to keep the plot moving, so it is what it is. Gosh there are so many doomed deadends where Mori ended up spilling the beans about the end of the series, or Sinbad or Ja'far ended up pressuring or guiding the conversation in that direction -_-;; There's also a bunch that more directly play into my trauma in ways that many won't seem as in character for the canon cast involved. And I do still intend to have those traumas and fears addressed but those ways were wrong.

For the record, Sinbad and Ja'far were not supposed to talk and figure out that Sinbad causes the 2nd Calamity. They did that without my permission and I could figure out a way or reason to stop them. So much my future plans have changed since they did that that I don't want to pretend that something like that won't happen again -especially since it happened again while working the Announcement Arc.

The only thing I know for certain is that if I reach the end, it will be a happy one for Mori. Most of my stories have tragic endings (including the mc dying) and I promised myself I wouldn't do that this time. I want to prove to myself that I'm allowed to have a happy ending.

(I have been considering posting the versions of chapters that turned into deadends in the Simpbad collection, so let me know if you're interested in that. Most are very edgy by comparison to what the final versions are, and often ooc so I can't guarantee the quality)

[fanfictiongirlie]

HP: Forbidden - Chapter Sixteen

Click here for masterlist

Parings: George Weasley x Female OC (Slytherin)

Description:

Rosalie Riddle lives in the shadow of her father, going to Hogwarts made her feel safe and happy and when she meets George Weasley she feels a whole new emotion. Follow her story from the beginning of her Hogwarts Journey.

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Can fluff be a warning? Little bit of angst. Fred still dies, sorry.

P.s. So this is a rewrite from a fanfiction I originally wrote when I was roughly 16. It was awful, truly awful, but I adored the story so I decided to rewrite it ten years later. Enjoy.

"I'm not going to talk about Cedric" Harry admits, a large group of us sat in the Hogs Head, I was the only Slytherin invited, which stressed me out, but also felt like a compliment. I sat snugly in between Fred and George. The Weasleys, Hermione and Harry were really the only ones I knew here. 

Hermione and Ron wanted to form a new group, where Harry taught us Dada spells. I liked the idea, but I had no idea how we'd get it past Umbridge. She was everywhere, she had banned mostly everything. She even banned people from hugging. Everytime she caught me and George she'd use magic to break us apart. We were only hugging, I didn't see the problem. 

"Is it true you can cast a Patronus charm?" A blonde Ravenclaw girl asked. 

"Yes, I've seen it" Hermione answered. I didn't know Harry could do that. 

Finally after lots of talking, we decided yes we needed to learn this stuff, but we had to work out where we would all meet. 

"Are you sure she can be trusted?" A random Gryffindor asked, pointing towards me. 

"Yes, she has proved herself trustworthy, and she is my friend so I'd appreciate you treat her as such" Harry spoke before anyone else could. It made me smile, I didn't realise Harry thought of me as a friend. I thought I was only here as a plus one for George. 

_________________

Neville a boy from Gryffindor was the one to find us a space. The Room of Requirement. It was massive, and perfect for us. For weeks now we had been meeting every night, practising spells. Draco and I had stopped talking now, he had joined Umbridge's group. And I wouldn't join, nor would I give a reason why. 

Today was our last lesson before christmas, I was trying my hardest to perfect my colour changing charm. 

I held my wand up towards the vase in front of me and muttered "Colovaria" The vase changed from one colour to another. Happy with my progress I changed the colour of it a few more times before I became bored. I decided to turn around and watch the class. This had become something I loved, I was worried for when it would end. But learning new spells was great, and I had made so many friends. Luna was a personal favourite, she was bonkers, but I really enjoyed spending time with her, my Slytherin friends thought I was mental. 

__________

Christmas came and went and we were back in the room of requirement, I felt as if I spent more time in here than in actual classrooms. I didn't mind all too much. Today Harry was teaches us Patronuses. 

I was nervous to even try the spell. What if my memory wasn't happy enough. Fred and George had produced theirs, two little magpies were flying around the room, taunting me. I was so nervous. 

I thought of the summer before, on my birthday sitting in the dining room with the Weasleys, I looked at my bracelet that George got me and with all the power within me I cast the charm. And to my surprise my patronus came out of my wand, it was a crow, flying around the room. I watched it happily. 

"Look!" I giggle, watching the twins magpies fly around with my crow.

"Aw, they're friends" George laughed. 

Bang

"What was that?" My patronus disappeared once my concentration was gone. The banging started again, it was coming from the door. 

"Stand behind me" George whispers to me, holding me behind him, I poked my head around his side, and watched as the door suddenly exploded away from the wall. And Umbridge stood on the other side. 

And things only got worse from then on, we were all put in detention, using those horrible quills. 

I rarely saw George for the next few weeks, we were only allowed in our common rooms and our classes now. And to make matters worse, my exams were soon. 

I studied alone in my room, only coming out for meals. I wasn't allowed to sit with George anymore. I had gone weeks without speaking to him, or any of my friends in the other houses. I wasn't speaking to Draco, I felt like he was a traitor at the minute. 

__________

We all sat in the hall quietly taking our exams. I actually had a calm head, but my heart missed George. I filled in the questions on my paper with ease. I had studied a lot so I was completely prepared. Umbridge stood at the top of the hall, watching us all. It creeped me out a bit. 

But something took her attention, something with a fizzle sound. She went to investigate. I wanted to watch her but also I was so close to finishing. But I soon forgot all about my exam when my boyfriend and his brother flew into the hall throwing their fireworks about, everyone threw their papers in the air, I copied. I'm sure we'd be allowed to retake them. I watched the twins sore through the air throwing fireworks left, right and centre. 

Happily we followed the twins as they flew out of the school, throwing the biggest fireworks outside, we all cheered. But it dawned on me, it wasn't likely they'd be allowed back in the school after this. The thought scared me, so I tried to push it away for now and just enjoy this. 

Soon the twins came back to the ground, George moved through the crowds until he got to me, and he hugged me tightly. 

"I missed you" He grins at me. 

"I missed you too" I say hugging him tightly. 

"Rosalie, this was mine and Fred's last year here, we decided we're finally going to open our joke shop" He says, a sad smile on his lips. 

I nodded understanding, I didn't say anything in fear that I'd start crying and I just held onto him. Scared to let go. 

[thefirstanomally]

On account of us being a part of the overall ecosystem I think we'll always have to mitigate harmful effects and increase or at least continue our efforts every generation regardless of the progress we make against Climate Change. We're never going to reach a point where we can say, "Alright, we did it! Climate disaster averted, the Earth is safe!". Not to dissuade anyone though, it's still incredibly important, but I think this is a topic that needs to be thought of as a chronic issue rather than acute. Or, instead of thinking of it as a single book with a satisfying narrative and a conclusion it's an ongoing series with one major theme and many narratives and no foreseeable conclusion.

It's a little like as if we'd had to fight for something big like, for example, medical care to exist because people would get sick but we had no system in place and we had to fight really hard to get people to notice and take us serious, then we finally got peoples attention on the issue because a plague hit, as predicted, so we finally got some actionable momentum on the issue and made some medic tents and distributed medicine, but people want to know why there are still sick people.

[nobodyfamousposts]

Was re-reading Chloe's Lament and saw your post talking about the different options she had ie: either learns and grows or digs in her heels and basically ends up in juvie, and I had a thought regarding you teasing Maribee in that verse. Let's say Chloe actually tries to fix herself; do you think the appearance of Maribee would be enough to make Chloe snap and revert back to her awful self, undoing all of her progress because of the reminder of everything she lost or would she have made enough progress to stew but in the end let it go? Alternately; if Chloe goes the digs in her heels route, do you think seeing Maribee would send her off the deep end beyond all help? (you can choose whether the new bee specifically being Mari is the trigger or just a new bee holder in general is the trigger)

That would be really difficult, especially since Chloe herself is shown to zig-zag all over the place as the plot demands, so it'd be difficult to say just how she would respond to a new Bee hero. On the one hand, she's trying to do better, but this would be a lesson that doing better doesn't obligate anything. One of Chloe's biggest issues is that at the core of a lot of her worse actions is a belief that she is "owed" something. She joined Hawk Moth because she felt she was "owed" a Miraculous. She revealed herself as Queen Bee because she felt she was "owed" admiration as a hero even before doing anything to earn it.

It's not hard to reason that even if she made some strides to better herself, seeing someone else using "her" Miraculous would be a major setback for her. And let's be honest: it'd be seeing anyone else with the Bee that would set her off because in her mind, she's the only true Bee hero, and if she couldn't be Ladybug, she at least was "owed" that much. What would make it even worse in her mind as the new Bee Hero would be named "Duchess". Queen Bee would be replaced by a simple Duchess.

As such, it would REALLY depend on how much (if any) progress she makes in bettering herself. And she would have to make a LOT of progress, because if she's anywhere close to how she was where we left off in Chloe's Lament, seeing someone else as the Bee hero would most likely end up being her breaking point. And very probably be the start of her beginning incredibly dangerous actions where she actively tries to hunt down the new Bee user to "reclaim what is rightfully hers".

If she does manage to truly better herself and more importantly accept the new reality for what it is, we'd have a very sad scene of Chloe coming home to her father and crying in his arms for reasons he doesn't understand. She knows she won't get the Bee again. She knows that she doesn't deserve to. She knows and grieves the loss. She has to grapple with accepting that while she's better than she was, that doesn't fix anything she did and doesn't suddenly make her worthy of the Bee again. She can't get back what she lost. And it's going to be the end of a lot of hope she had that she could.

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

I’m On Fire [Chapter 1]

Summary: With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

A/N:  This is the first part in a series, I’ve written the first few chapters already so I’m hoping to update pretty regularly! I hope you guys enjoy, and any feedback is always appreciated! ❤️

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: None really for this chapter, cursing? Mean-ish Spencer

Word Count: 6.5k

Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

I wasn’t at the BAU long before it started to feel like home. The team became my family, pure and simple.

Having been recruited by Hotch at only 22 I'd sort of fallen into the roll of the little sister to the team without really meaning to. It's not that I was naive, or particularly sheltered even. I know I'm good at my job, and I'd want to be, given how my life's revolved around it almost entirely. But the team seemed to adopt a protective mindset over me right off the bat.

When I first joined the FBI everything was terrifying. I worked so hard for my PhD, trying to get into the unit, but there's almost nothing that can actually prepare you for the real thing. Being out in action in the field, working the cases out in real time. Sometimes they had a smooth, easy conclusion followed by loud obnoxious drinks together. Then there were the others, the ones that kept me up for days after and felt as though they owned little pieces of my heart still.

It was JJ that helped the most on those horrible flights back on the jet. Noticing my anxious ticks and uneasy disposition after that first case that had ended badly. JJ had been through it all before, taking too many cases home with her. Seeing her son's little faces in the kids that we couldn't help. If I was the baby of the team JJ was the big sister, looking out for everyone.

Morgan on the other hand was the outrageously cool older brother, the one you just wanted to be. Early on he'd helped my weak self with the ruthless fitness regimen the FBI required, he offered to pull some strings and get the test written off. But I couldn't accept that, there was something in me that just wanted to impress Morgan, and honestly still does. Like somehow if he thought you were cool, then it became true. So I passed the exam, but getting up a flight of stairs was near impossible for a week after.

Emily was probably the fun aunt. The one that would sneak you booze at the family gathering, or take you to your first concert. Emily was actually the one who'd found me, digging around colleges for potential recruits she'd had me picked out for a while I later found out. Insisting that Hotch give me a shot. It was reassuring to know I had someone who would stick up for me from day one.

I was an tech analyst, among other things, sort of a counterpart for Garcia in the field. So it was no surprise to anyone when the two of us hit it off as though we'd known each other forever. We weren't the same by any means though. Penelope was bold, and bright, and confident beyond measure, where I've typically felt like more of a blend into the background type. I've always thought of myself that way, despite my achievements. I'd also always believed I was fairly inoffensive, no one I'd met had ever had a huge problem with me, 'till I got to the BAU that is.

Every rose has its thorn I suppose.

That thorn in my side was Dr. Spencer Reid.

It wasn't that Dr. Reid was a bad agent, or even a bad person. I hadn't actually met him before that first day in the conference room, but I'd known who he was for a long time. Before I came along he'd held the mantle of 'youngest ever recruit' in the unit, while I was studying I'd read any of his work I could get my hands on because of that fact.

I figured it must've been some sort of hazing when he looked me up and down that first day I was introduced, and then proceeded to blank me entirely for a full week. Up until I'd wrapped my first case.

The whole team went straight from the jet to the bar. Proceeding to get far too drunk. Spencer joined, which the rest of the team found unusual, and I probably should've taken as a sign of things to come.

That case went well, and everyone was in high spirits but Reid had a sour disposition, at least it seemed that way every time he looked at me. After a few too many drinks I went outside in an attempt to sober up in the cold air, unfortunately Reid must've snuck outside not long before.

"Ugh" was all he said when he first caught my silhouette approaching him. The night was unusually cold so it had been deserted outside the bar that evening. I wasn't really sure why it made me nervous to be alone with him like this, the two of us leaning back against the same small area of brick wall, looking out at the cold night.

"Nice to see you too doctor" was all I could muster, I was drunk enough that I let my sarcastic tone leap out, "you can relax, I'm just trying to get some fresh air, it's too stuffy in there, and loud. I'm not here to talk to you or anything."

"Well aren't you a sensitive thing" he responds in kind, at that point I wasn't really sure if it was a coincidence or if he'd been genuinely avoiding me, but things were starting to clear up.

"I'm sensitive, that's a fun take on things" I joke, taking a long sip of cold water from my glass.

"And what's that supposed to mean, newbie?" his emphasis on the last word all but confirms my suspicions.

"Fuck man, what's your problem with me? Is it because I'm new, or because I beat your stupid record?" I quip. hoping that at the very least it might coax him out of his shell. Dr. Spencer Reid getting angry at me could honestly be better than the nothing I'd been experiencing from him until now.

"What stupid record?" he sounds genuinely confused

"I'm the youngest BAU recruit now?" I didn't know why else he could be so sour. He'd never met me before last week, and since he'd ignored me that first day I'd done all I could not to step on his toes. So if he had a reason to hate me this much, it wasn't something I'd done on purpose.

He takes a few moments to respond, raising his eyebrows and considering the information. He chuckles. He fucking chuckles.

"That's funny." he says, his voice leveling out, "I didn't peg you as funny newbie" that word sets something off in me again. Something about it is dismissive, or belittling. Before I could fight back he starts to move, maneuvering around me and heading back inside. A little too tipsy to think of anything constructive to say, I just mutter "Fuck you Spencer."

He swings open the door, as he walks inside he just says "See you Monday, Newbie" without even looking at me.

And that was only the beginning.

----

"You know I'm just trying to make sure you get enough rest sweetheart. There's no need to get so defensive!" it was far too early in the morning to be dealing with this call. Since joining the BAU a few years ago this was a standard call from my Mom. Equal parts well meaning and over-bearing, and generally asking far too many questions.

"I'm not getting defensive Mom, I get plenty of rest, my job is just very important to me and you know that." I knew she was right to be at least a little worried, this job was consuming, and in all honesty I wasn't sure how people like JJ were married and still here. It seemed like an impossible feat.

"Fine sweetie, how are your co-workers doing then? How's Penelope? Give her my love" she loved Penelope, I think she thought that Penelope tethered me to the normal world, and in a way she was right. She kept me sane, and fun, and made me eat pizza and do face masks once a week at least. Even when I didn't think I wanted to.

"Pen's great Mom, everyone's good. Well, the usual ones get on my nerves, but I'm fine." As I say it I glance across at Dr. Reid, the only person who's also in as early as I am most days. I'm not sure if he can hear me but he's tapping his pen so loud on his desk that it takes all of my energy not to walk across the bullpen and stab him with it.

"Y'know what Mom, I'm actually just after getting to work and it's a busy day so can I call you back later?" I chance, getting her off the phone is always an ordeal.

"Fine, fine, I'll let you go. But wait one last thing!"

I knew what was coming. It was always coming.

"Are you seeing anyone, Margot's been wondering too, just thought I'd check in?"

Pinching the bridge of my nose and trying not to scream down the line, I just sigh out the frustration instead.

"No Mom, believe it or not, I've made no progress on that front since you asked me all of 3 days ago."

"See you are being defensive!" she snaps

"I gotta go, bye Mom. Love you!" I say, hanging up quickly before dropping my head down into my arms on my desk, resting like that for a few moments in silence.

Hearing Garica chuckle behind my ear I perk up and spin around. She's holding a small paper cup of coffee and hands it to me. I look at it confused, "Sorry about the paper, I couldn't find your mug in the cabinet" she apologizes, looking over at Dr. Reid and rolling her eyes. Now I know he can hear me from his seat, he takes that moment to sip from my mug and place it gently back on his desk.

It hadn't taken long for him to start toying with me. It was always stupid childish things. Things I couldn't get genuinely annoyed at, that would give him far too much satisfaction, knowing he was getting to me in any real way. This was one trick he liked to play if he got into the office before me, he'd take my mug and make his coffee in it, just to spite me I guess.

"Why does he even do that, it's so stale" she said, just a little louder than normal to make sure he could hear. Garcia and Reid were still good friends and team-mates but she liked to stand up for me when she could. He liked to avoid me as much as possible so he'd usually go to Garcia before me if he needed help with something. Even when the two of us were out in the field together. Which was obnoxious but it was just another thing I'd gotten used to over time. And as long as it didn’t interfere with the case I just forced myself to let it go.

"I know it's such low grade bullying isn't it?" I shot back with a chuckle.

"So I'll take it that was Mommy dearest" Penelope gestures to my phone. She knew my Mom, and she knew about her general overbearing energy. I let out a groan thinking about the call again, and the calls that were to come.

"Isn't it always Mommy dearest?" I joke

"So she's still on your ass about the wedding then?" I'm sure Penelope was almost as sick of hearing about it as I was,

"Margot's getting married in like 4 months now, and every time Mom calls there’s just some new hometown loser she wants to set me up with Pen. It's fucking exhausting" I take a sip of the coffee she made me, savoring the bitter taste. She sits down on my desk for a moment, leaning in.

"Honey, did you ever think that if you got out there and found someone, she wouldn't be on your ass at all?" I don't want to think about that, about how she's completely right. All I can do is let out another small groan and lean back down onto my desk.

"Too early Pen" I say, it's muffled by the desk but she gets the message. Hopping up and heading to her own office as some more people start to arrive for the morning.

Leaving me alone to make a start on my paperwork that had built up throughout the week. Fridays were usually slow like this, giving me a little too much time to think. I couldn't shake the thought that my Mom and Penelope were actually right. Maybe I was a bit too invested in the job, and maybe that was a pretty big factor in why my last relationship imploded but I wasn't about to admit that to anyone.

----

After that the day crawls by, thankfully no cases pop up so the weekend might actually be free. Trying to make sure I clear up all of my paperwork takes a little longer than I'd hoped and leaves me alone in the bullpen. It seems like everyone's gone home by the time I've packed up and I'm ready to leave. Which wasn't as out of the ordinary as I'd like it to be really. Everyone else seemed to have somewhere to be on a Friday night.

Waiting for the elevator to arrive my phone started to ring, I could see my Mom's caller ID on the screen. If I just let it go I know she'll call back later, may as well get it out of the way. I take a deep breath in anticipation before I answer.

"Hey what's up?" I answer, stepping inside the elevator as the doors ping open.

"Hi sweetie, I've got good news! Do you remember David? That lovely boy, he helped out your Father that summer in high school?" I know what's coming and rub my temple, trying to stifle the headache I know is coming. As I answer a hand slides between the elevator doors, popping them open again.

Dr. Fucking Reid walks in, and he looks about as happy to see me as I am to see him. I make eye contact and look away just as fast, willing him away with my mind. "Yes Mom, I remember him, why are you telling me this?" I already know the answer but I'm fed up, she still sounds excited when she responds.

"Well you won't believe it! I ran into him at the market this morning and I thought you'd like it if I passed on your phone number to him, maybe for the weddi-" it took all I had not to shout into the receiver, and maybe I would've had the elevator been empty.

"Mom! Jesus!" I have to reign myself in, but I have a bad idea, "You know what, I'm actually sorted. I've got a date lined up now" I'm not sure why I said it with no real plan in place. She sounds even more excited than I've ever heard her.

"Oh my, that's amazing sweetie! That was fast, I can't believe you found one since this morning, it's someone from work so?" she assumes, and I'm just not thinking fast enough to correct her.

"Mmhmm, yeah" I'll figure out the logistics later I rationalize.

"Oh! Is it that boy you're always on about, the one who teases you?" she asks, and her voice is full of joy, and it makes me feel horrible that I'm lying already, and that I'm going to let her down.

"Yup, that's the one, look Mom I gotta go, I'll talk to you later! Night" I blurt out so fast it has to be obvious I'm nervous.

I can hear a stifled chuckle behind me. Fuck. How loud is my phone speaker. Could he hear that. Surely not. But this elevator was completely silent. The doors open and I have to stop myself from running to my car at top speed. Instead I walk out just a little faster than normal, turning around to shoot him a small wave goodbye. And he's got this devious smirk on his face that makes my stomach turn.

Sitting into my car I pull out my phone to text Garcia immediately.

I'm on my way to yours right now. It's urgent.

——

Traffic's light so it takes maybe 10 minutes before I arrive at Garcia's place. My mind's racing and my body takes me there on autopilot. Why did I say any of that, why did I even answer the damn phone. Why did I wave goodbye to Spencer, I never usually did that. Maybe that's why he had that look on his face. Maybe he was just thinking of something funny that happened earlier and it had nothing to do with me at all. That was something he'd do to mess with me for sure.

How was I going to walk this back with my Mom, she was just gonna have more questions that I couldn't answer. Fuck.

Garcia buzzed me up and her door was open for me by the time I got up the stairs. This little purple apartment had become my second home. It was where I spent most of my evenings off, laughing on the same sofa I was collapsing face first into right now. Garcia nestles in beside me and runs her hand over my hair, "Hey sweet pea, what's happening? I don't want to sound too concerned but you're not giving me much to go off? Are you dying, is there drama? You're going to have to tell me what's so urgent before I burst a blood vessel?"

I let out a muffled, "is drahmuh" into the pillow, Garcia shakes my shoulders.

"Sit up babe, damn!" I have to heave myself out of the pillows, sitting upright on the sofa beside her, clutching one of the pillows in my arms.

"It's drama" I repeat,

"Well, out with it then, you know I'll take all the drama I can get! Spill, spill" she rushes me along. I'm already apprehensive, Reid's her coworker too, but if anyone would understand why this was such an issue it was gonna be her.

"Okay, I'm after doing something stupid and I think I really need your advice" I cringe already, thinking back to the elevator, throwing out my words faster, I continue the story, mostly trying to get it over with, "my Mom called again when I was on the way out tonight and she was trying to set me up with this guy, and Reid was there, and I got all flustered, and I told her I had a date already" I throw my head down into the pillow again.

"Wait why was Reid there?" she looks like she's trying to fit puzzle pieces together and she's getting nowhere, "And what's the drama?"

"Shit Garcia, it was in the elevator and it was all quiet, and maybe he heard the call, maybe he didn't but he had this fuckin' look on his stupid face" I can't shake the smug little smirk, it's burned inside my eyelids. Garcia's face falls in what looks like disappointment.

"Ugh Y/N! That's nothing chill out, why does it matter if he heard your call? I know you guys are all weird but none of that is any of his business anyway!" she shoo's her hand in the air, dismissing the whole situation.

"No Garcia, it is his business now" I have to close my eyes when I say it, I can't look at her "I told my Mom that he was my date, well, I didn't say his name or anything, she assumed it was someone from work and so I just agreed, and then she suggested that it was him and then I fucking panicked Pen, I fucked up so bad. What do I do?"

I finally opened my eyes to look up at Garcia. She was sitting in pure silence, pursing her lips in what seemed like contemplation. The puzzle pieces finally slotting together. It's as though a light bulb goes off behind her eyes and she bursts out in fits of laughter. Doubling over on herself before finally taking a few breaths to calm herself down. I'm honestly not sure why she finds the whole thing so funny, she know's how needlessly annoying he's made my life, she's seen it first hand and heard me talk about it over and over again in this very apartment over pizza.

"Garcia, this is not fucking funny! This is serious!" I try to calm her down, I need advice not whatever this is.

"I'm so sorry Y/N, I love you dearly. But this isn't funny, this is hilarious. It's like you're Sandra Bullock in some mid-90's rom com. I love it" I don't love it, in fact I hate it. I nearly snap at her but pull myself back.

"Pen, come on, help me out. What do I do with this, how do I fix it?" I plead.

She stops laughing and pulls out her phone, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm going to order us a pizza, and we're gonna sort this thing out together, sound good?" I just nod and collapse back into the sofa. I think I feel better now that I've gotten it out in the open.

----

Penelope makes us tea while we wait for the pizza, she keeps lemon & ginger in her cabinet for me, just like I keep mint for her. The warm mug and the steam calm me down. After a few minutes alone to think about it I start to figure it out a little better. I figure I can just lie to my Mom for a while, it might suck but I can pretend for a bit and then make up some excuse as to why he can't come closer to the time. Then I can just bring Garcia instead and everyone's happy. I'm about to float my plan to her there's a knock on her door. I was so caught up that I hadn't really noticed quite how starving I'd gotten. Leaping up of the sofa to grab the door.

I swing it open but it's not the pizza guy. Somehow it's the opposite of the pizza guy, my worst nightmare is on the other side of the door. He must notice my eyes blow completely wide. "Y/N!" he says, more of a statement than a question really, like he's telling himself that he's actually seeing me in the doorway. I'm not as gentle.

"What the fuck are you doing here Reid?!" I can't even disguise my anger. He seems a little flustered, like he's got absolutely no idea how to proceed.

"Um, uh, is Garcia here? I can, um, I can just come back later?" he swallows hard and shakes his head, before I can agree and tell him to get lost Penelope races to the door, pulling it wide open.

"Nope, that won't be necessary Doctor! Come on in, you're right on time sweetheart" she waves him in and he walks past me, his demeanor changing almost instantly. He's smug, like he's won whatever battle this was. And I hate it. Though he's still as confused as me despite the newfound attitude. Reid sits down on the sofa, right where I had been sitting. I bite my tongue and sit on the opposite end.

"Are you okay Garcia?" he asks with a genuine concern, "What's going on, what was the emergency?". He's not stupid, he knows she's not in danger now that he's here. But he wants answers. I don't know that I've ever seen him this confrontational with anyone, well anyone but me. The entire time I’m staring her down as she sits in the armchair opposite the two of us. My keys are in my pocket and my car's right outside. I could just jump up and make a break for it. Escape.

"You know what Doc, you won't believe it but I'm not actually the one with the emergency" she takes a beat, and I'm starting to think that I might understand why people murder other people after all these years, "Y/N has something urgent she needs to talk to you about" she's silent for another moment, and she almost looks giddy, "Actually Spencer, you might already know a little something about the matter already, now that I think about it" she smirks, and it's pure joy.

My keys are in my hand ready to bolt when the doorbell chimes again. "Oh, that'll actually be the pizza this time, if you two will excuse me" she hops up out of the armchair and races to the door, leaving the two of us alone in a horrible silence. The tension is almost too much, I want to speak but I really have no idea what to say, or how to even start saying it. But he starts.

"Y/N what's going on, I feel like I'm out of the loop here? What am I missing?" he asks, and there's something uncharacteristically genuine about the way he says it, but he can't turn to look at me as he speaks. I almost want to let my guard down and just have a conversation but I can’t force myself to do it. "Shut up Reid." is all I mutter, folding my arms across my chest.

He turns sharply on the sofa to face me. "Hey Y/N. Believe it or not I'm about as happy as you with whatever kind of Parent Trap situation Garcia's got going on here. But from what I'm picking up on you've got a problem and I'm supposed to be able to help with it. So do you want to tell me what's going on or not? I can just go?" I can see that there's an anger bubbling right below the surface, threatening to burst. I know I shouldn't but I let him stew in silence for a little too long and he jumps up off the sofa.

"Y'know what, typical" he mutters, rolling his eyes as he says it, "this is all about you." he throws his bag over his shoulders and begins to walk towards the door. Something in me just snaps.

"All about me?! Are you fucking kidding? I've been tip-toeing around you for years, ever since I joined this damn unit!" I shout as Garcia comes back into the room, pizza box and plates in her hands.

"So, who's hungry?" Garcia asks, trying to break the tension, or pretending there's no tension at all. Reid shakes his head in disbelief and rubs his temple before he speaks again, "Actually I was just gonna head out" he gestures to the door, "I'm clearly not wanted here so I'm gonna leave you guys to it." Spencer makes a move to leave but Garcia grabs the strap of his shoulder bag, yanking him back ever so slightly before he really has the chance to escape.

"You are going absolutely nowhere kid" She points back to the sofa, "get back there" she glances to me, staring with far too much intensity. "You too, sit." Her voice is more stern than I've ever heard it, even while we were on a case. I can't help but obey her command and I sit back down on the sofa in silence. Followed by Reid, clearly processing the same uneasy feeling of a serious Penelope.

She sits opposite the two of us again. "Y/N, Spencer, I love the two of you with all of my heart, albeit separately, and I would die for either one of you. But you've got to chill the hell out!" she says it like she's had it bottled up forever. The tension that releases from her as she says it looks euphoric.

She opens up the pizza box and lays it on the coffee table and takes out a slice for herself. Taking a bite she leaves the two of us in stunned silence. Once she finishes the mouthful she turns to me specifically, "Y/N you tell him, or I will." dead serious. And the feeling in my belly is like I've just fallen down an elevator shaft.

My stomach is in knots as I turn to Spencer on the sofa next to me. His face is puzzled and I think I might be able to make out pure terror in his expression. I don't know that I've ever been looked at like this before and my stomach screws up tighter. I have to take a deep breath and I can't believe I'm about to say it. "Fuck it" I have to take another breath almost immediately so I just have to force the rest out, "I don't know if you heard the call I was on while we were in the elevator earlier?" I look up to gauge his reaction and I can see his face relax, and worse than that, one corner of his mouth lifts into a sort of smile. It's a look of pure smug satisfaction and I think I might scream. I have to close my eyes because I really don't think I can look at that face as I say the next part.

"My sister is getting married in a few months and my Mom's been on my ass to find a date for the wedding and she keeps trying to set me up with these losers, so I fucking panicked, and I told her you were my date." by the time the sentence is out my eyes have screwed up so tight it feels like I have to pry them open.

He sits in silence for too long. Thinking, maybe?

"So I'm the boy who teases you then?" he grins. So he did hear. And he did laugh. He looks far too self satisfied. Now he knows he's right. He knows I've talked to my Mom about him, that he's gotten in my head. I can tell from his smile that he's savoring the moment. Mostly because I can't slap the smug smile off his face I drop my head into my hands. In an effort to disappear I guess.

"So," he says, taking a moment, "is that all you wanted to say then?" he asks, lighthearted and obnoxious, back to his usual self. I snap back to reality, shooting my head back up.

"What do you mean is that all?" I throw back genuinely shocked,

"Is that all you had to say Y/N? Can I go now? It's a long bus ride home y'know" he smirks but makes no effort to move. He can't possibly be making me do this.

"Well no, obviously!" I stutter, "I mean, are you, will you, uh?" I can't bring myself to say it out loud. He leans in on the sofa looking directly at me, refusing to break eye contact.

"Did you have something you wanted to ask me Y/N?" I just want to smack that fucking look off his face,

"Fuck you Spencer Reid" I almost whisper under my breath, but Garcia snaps me back to reality.

"Hey!" she looks at me, stern again, "Ask him." it's not a question, or a suggestion, it's a command.

"Fine okay" I scrunch my eyes up again, "Will you come to my sisters wedding with me as my fake boyfriend?" I curl up into myself as I say it, I can almost feel the bile rising up from my stomach. Like I'm having a biological reaction to the whole thing.

Reid crosses his arms and sinks back on the sofa, like he's performing the act of thinking. He's considering my offer to make me squirm.

When he finally speaks he says "Well I would Y/N, but I really fail to see what's in it for me" he's after getting cocky now.

Garcia pipes up, excited, "Oh, Oh! I know! I have an idea!" she interjects, "Spencer remember how a while ago, back after your apartment flooded you were all all worried about your antique books and prints and stuff?" he nods, "Well Y/N could digitize the collection for you as a back up? I know you're a technophobe? C'mon Y/N, you know you could do that no sweat, and it would take you a lifetime alone Spencer?" I really don't want to admit it but she's right. Even I knew Reid was adverse to any technology that wasn't vital, but it was your specialty. And maybe that was a good trade off, a job like that would be near impossible for him to pull off without help. I take a glance over at Reid and he seems to have had the same train of thought as me. He lets out an exaggerated sigh and relaxes his posture.

"Fine, I guess that's a fair trade. I'm in." he resigns and I almost can't believe it. I'm barely processing the whole conversation as he sticks his hand out to me, I'm confused for a second before I grab it and shake it firmly. Condemning myself to whatever's about to happen. And it's not the time to be thinking about it but maybe this is the first time Spencer and I have ever touched? But I shove that thought away.

Garcia's positively beaming and she's not even trying to hide it. "Now it's like you're both in a Sandra Bullock movie, oh, but you're Hugh Grant maybe?" she points to Reid.

"Don't push it" I shoot in her direction, taking a slice of pizza, now that my anxiety stomach has sort of passed.

Once the pizza's been eaten in near completely awkward silence Spencer stands up off the sofa. His unsure demeanor has returned and he looks nervous. "I actually should get going this time" he says but Garcia pipes up to protest,

"No, it's not even late!"

"It takes me a while to get back home, thank you though Pen. For... this?" he gestures to the whole living room, "Night" he waves. He's almost made it to the door before I stand up out of my seat. I'm not really sure what comes over me, maybe it's gratitude, maybe it's guilt, or maybe I'm just exhausted.

"Wait Spencer. Let me give you a ride home?" I ask and it's like it's not even me saying it .

"Thanks, but I think I can make it home just fine" he dismisses, and there’s an antagonizing tone in his voice that snaps me right back to our usual rapport.

"I'm trying to do a nice thing here, fuck! Just let me do something nice!" I snap, and he throws his arms up in surrender.

"Fine alright, if it'll make you feel better"

"Fuck you Reid" I mutter under my breath and I sort of hope that he does hear me really. If he's gonna be hostile about this I can be too. I give Garcia a hug goodbye but I'm going to scold her for this whole thing later.

----

I lead the way outside and climb into my car, Spencer hops into the passenger seat and it feels as strange as always to be alone with him. Especially because it's not an accident, and it's not in work. Maybe this was a horrible idea. He seems like he's unwilling to break the silence, so I just get it over with.

"Where the hell do you live man? I'm gonna need directions." I say, as deadpan as I can muster, which probably isn't all that intimidating.

"Sorry, yeah, so you're gonna want to turn on the ignition" he teases. I definitely wasn't intimidating enough.

"Don't push it" I say, turning to give him a cruel stare, he just reacts with a smirk, that same one from the elevator earlier.

"Oh, I'm pushing it?" he asks, feigning disbelief

"I'll kick you out of this damn car" is all I can think to say. He barely responds, he just lets out a soft chuckle. I want to ask 'what's so funny' but he speaks before I can get the words out.

"I can't believe you talk to your Mom about me" he continues to laugh. That's enough.

"You know what Reid, of course I have! I work with actual murderers on a daily basis and somehow you've been the only real source of friction in my life since I joined the BAU!" He stops giggling a little, but not entirely, he looks like he's making an effort to contain himself.

"I'm sorry. I guess I just never knew I got to you like that" he still finds the whole thing amusing, but I sure as hell don't.

"Directions, now" I demand, looking straight out the front windshield.

"Fine, keep going straight on this road for a while and I'll tell you when to turn" he says, finally playing nice.

The two of us drive silently for most of the journey, the radio playing softly in the background. Eventually we arrive outside his building, and it's nicer than I thought it would be. But I have no idea what I was really basing that on. For some reason it hadn't occurred to me that Dr. Reid lived in an actual home, I had pictured him sleeping upside down in a cave maybe, or in a cryogenic chamber with all the other life-like genius robots.

"So," he says, breaking the silence, "When is this wedding?"

"4 months from now, in and around" I respond, matter of factly. Spencer nods, taking it in.

"Alright, so I've got 4 months, in and around, to learn enough to convincingly pass as your loving boyfriend. Doesn't sound so difficult." he jokes, his tone harsh and sarcastic.

"Look Spencer, I know this is insane and honestly kind of stupid. But in all seriousness, you can back out right now if you're not on board with whatever this is. I'm telling you this is the last exit ramp." I try to say it with sincerity, giving him a genuine out if he's not comfortable with the weird set-up that Penelope pulled on us both. He thinks on it for a moment and shakes his head.

"So how are we gonna do this?" he asks, and I really thought he was going to back out. So I don't have an actual answer.

"Well, I uh, I haven't really given a plan much thought. How about I come over and start working on some of the stuff you want digitized like Garcia mentioned and I can use the time to give you the footnotes on my life?" I suggest, at least that would make it easier to knock things out all at once. Rather than having to spend even more of my free time with Reid than necessary. He looks content with the improvised plan.

"Alright, sounds good." he undoes his seatbelt and opens the door to hop out of the car before turning back to me, "Are you coming inside or what?"

— —

Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

[mermaidsirennikita]

Overall what did you think of the season? Also thoughts on how they handled Kate and Anthony?

I'm still processing it, but overall thoughts are:

I think JB and Simone have amazing chemistry. Their scenes together were the best of the season, they carried the show. I loved that they dialed into Anthony as a romantic hero but also made him even more of a fucking messsss and while I wasn't initially sure about Kate's characterization as she became more vulnerable I was able to fully love her. There just wasn't enough of them. I would keep what we got... and add kissing, more sex, more talking, Kate's trauma, just MORE.

The sex stuff was an issue for me. It was like... To me, you could either have a lot of less explicit material, or less very explicit material. They dialed down the explicitness and the amount of sex in general, and PURELY because a precedent was set in s1 this disappointed me and distracted me. If this was a normal show where I had zero expectations, I'd be less disappointed. Objectively, if I take my expectations away, the sex scene is hot and fun and I enjoy it a lot. But my expectations are there because the show itself set them, and I won't ever... not love that. Otherwise, I really enjoy that scene lol, the ramp up to it is great. And of course, their postnuptial bliss shit is cute. I can just... tell they cut shit from both scenes, and it bugs me.

The pacing wasn't good. I think that if we'd cut most of the subplots and given Kate and Anthony more time they would have progressed more quickly and been more balanced.

Ridiculous that they never kissed at least in those no-kissing scenes. I feel this was done to make them sympathetic, and it was pointless because they were still cheating

The love triangle was fun for me, idgaf. I don't think it was perfectly executed. Edwina's naivete was stretched to the point of... not being believable. But as someone who loves daytime soap operas, that was fun for me.

I don't think Edwina was overly bitchy. I liked her a lot. I think some of the optics there, in light of Mary's mixed heritage in particular, made the family dynamics... interesting. But the "half-sister" comment, while cold, makes more sense in the context of Kate knowing that Edwina's future husband wanted to jump her bones from... very early on, and saying nothing.

I did not care for or hated basically every subplot. Benedict does art school was pointless aside from the hilarity of Anthony doing a college admissions scandal. Colin is an asshat. The Marina scene where she gives Penelope props was disturbing. Eloise is annoying. Portia is fun but I wasn't invested. The subplots made all of the fun soapy drama with the triangle and Anthony and Kate slow dooooown.

Watching Eloise light into Penelope followed by Colin being like LMAO NO in a muuuuch crueler way than he did in the book gave me a high that I assume is similar to what happens when you try crystal meth.

Penelope is an irredeemable psychopath and Colin is played with the charisma of a potato, what else is new?

I'm white, so I can't make a call, but from what I'm hearing about the usage of dialect and language and BASIC NAMES, the India plot sucked this season. Shocker!

So yeah, basically as I expected: I enjoyed the soapy love story stuff, but everything else could stay home.

Say thanks to JB and Simone for carrying this on their backs!!!

[cricketcampbell]

Cricket paused as she thought about it. "I think preserves are, like, larger chunks of fruit actually--like what come in those fancy jars at the grocery store? The ones with the lids that look like a picnic blanket and the handwritten looking labels, on the top shelf?" She held her hand up for reference as an unnecessary visual aid of how grocery store shelves worked.

While he'd managed to bite back whatever retort his scoff had taken the place of, Cricket was not surprised that what she considered to be lending a helping hand (even if it were to herself, in the end) was somehow turned into an attack on his math capabilities, or lack thereof. She couldn't help but roll her eyes as she ducked into the fridge for the bar of dark chocolate.

"I'm just saying that not being able to figure out the cosine function of a triangle or whatever the fuck is not as important as the delicate, delicate balance between a delicious perfectly baked dessert and shit cookies that don't rise and burn to a crisp because you didn't add enough flour because someone," she pointed in his general vicinity with the knife, "didn't level their scoop, or decided to eyeball it."

Aiden's hummed rendition of Twinkle Twinkle is intercut with Cricket's addition of ad-libbed bass notes that turned it more into a club remix than a hand washing song, head bobbing in the background as she started chopping her chocolate bar. Feeling herself and her self-made beat, she only noticed that he'd stopped humming when he spoke instead.

Her mini DJ-ing sesh came to a halt as she considered his question. It's definitely not the first time someone had asked, but there was almost a layer of thoughtfulness to it, a genuine curiosity, that she didn't expect from him. She's grateful that from where he stood, he couldn't see the smile that took over her face.

They were so totally friends.

"If I ever walked into the cantina and saw you taking orders, I'd know something was very, very wrong. Defcon level -2." She teased, before shaking her head. "But I was actually a nanny, for a little bit? Watched these two little girls who I just, like, adored...and at that point, I didn't really know what I was doing. I was nineteen, never thought about my future, just trying to figure my shit out--or, at least, told myself I was trying to figure my shit out." And she did, eventually, but not before digging herself into it deeper, first.

"But I, like, had to leave that job, whatever, and then I really needed to figure my shit out, and when I was thinking about what I could see myself doing forever..." Cricket shrugged. "The best part of my days were spent in that kitchen, preparing their meals. I liked taking care of people. And even before that, I'd always loved food. We traveled all over the country while I was growing up, and we'd always make it a point to try whatever was around--one of my mom's old boyfriends was a cook too, and I kinda remember being in the kitchen with him and just being, like, totally mesmerized. And I'd worked in restaurants before, serving and stuff, so...I don't know. Just kinda felt like a natural progression, I guess? And, like, what better way to take care of people than to feed them good food?"

A piece of chocolate is stolen for herself. "And some," a therapist, perhaps, "might also say that it's my constant need for validation and instant gratification." But Cricket would argue that awaiting compliments on her slow braised beef short rib recipe (that had to marinate overnight!) was hardly instant. "But, like, what do they know?"

@aidenxstevens

Aiden snorts. It takes everything in him to not respond with a kind 'fuck off, chef'. His usual trigger response hanging there on the end of his tongue, he chooses to bite down on his bottom lip rather than be the usual dickhead he is.

Cricket doesn't deserve it, not after what she teaches him, the work she does for his mother, and giving him her company — the walls in this too big house often make it feel so empty, and the noise from activity in the kitchen is an odd little comfort on its own. The added conversation and cooking knowledge is a bonus.

"Aren't… preserves the broader umbrella term for those things?" He is frowning again, eyes narrowing and the bridge of his nose wrinkling at the memory of those textures. Both on his fingertips and on the tongue, it's an odd consistency.

There is no need for him to bother debating it or insisting his perspective, he knows where they feel. Right now, the focus is baking.

Or whisking dry ingredients. Whatever, it's something.

"I can measure things. I do it at Tejas all the time…" Aiden scoffs for what feels like the umpteenth time. "And it's basic math. Just because I failed algebra II trig senior year doesn't mean I don't know how to count." That had more to do with his lack of participation and the plethora of missing assignments and test grades from all the days he skipped. It'd been the only class to fail him where at least the others gave him a very very low C.

He abandons the bowl to wash his hands first, scrubbing under hot water for the entirety of the hum of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, then returns to the bowl. "So… I don't think you ever told me what inspired you to get into this." He is actually very curious about it, recounting the conversation he had with Lily at work and how she doesn't enjoy cooking. Most people don't as they find it tedious and too much work for very little satisfaction.

"Of all things. I do it because it's what hired me. The restaurant, and we both know I'm not going to work up front with the people."

[the-rockstar-lestat]

I've recently become interested in astrology. Not surprising, I suppose , it's all over the internet lately, I'm more surprised it took me this long. I did have to ask Gabrielle what time I was born, as it wasn't something we'd ever discussed. She told me, and I quote "lestat, dear child, do you think after nine pregnancies and seven births I remembered a thing like what time I was finally free of you accursed things?" Which, first of all , fascinating way to look at the miracle of childbirth, Mother, but I can't say I blame her. She did manage to remember it was morning, and I think that's all we're going to get. Anyway, perhaps the time I made up was correct because, I believe the phrase is, this chart was AT-ing me. So here we are, presented with commentary.

(Also do you know how long it took me to find a site that allowed me to enter the year 1758?)

"Sun in Scorpio

The sun determines your ego, identity, and "role" in life. It's the core of who you are, and is the sign you're most likely to already know. Your Sun is in Scorpio, meaning you have a fundamental urge to get to the bottom of things, which can at times lead you to be manipulative or power-hungry, but it comes down to an intense passion for authenticity, real intimacy, and the truth. It's in your twelfth house, meaning you feel the need to distinguish yourself from others through privacy, secrets, and introspection."

Well this comes as no surprise. I knew I was a Scorpio, passionate, sensual, easily angered, and ruled by emotions. I've been told Scorpios are one of the harder zodiac signs to put up with, with intense personalities. Guilty. I do like it mentioned my need to authenticity and tendency for introspection, which people often forget about.

"Ascendant in Sagittarius

Your ascendant is the "mask" you present to people. It can be seen in your personal style and how you come off to people when you first meet. Some say it becomes less relevant as you get older. It changes every two hours, so if it doesn't make sense, text your mom to confirm your birth time. Your Ascendant is in Sagittarius, meaning you come across as independent, optimistic, and confident, though sometimes overly blunt or critical. Generally a charming conversationalist, your free-spirited approach may come off as restless or easily bored."

Well I don't know how much older I'll have to get before it's less relevent, because I think "independent, optimistic, and confident, though sometimes overly blunt" is probably how most people would describe me if they're being kind. As is restless and easily bored.

"Moon in Aquarius

The moon rules your emotions, moods, and feelings. This is likely the sign you most think of yourself as, since it reflects your personality when you're alone or deeply comfortable. Your Moon is in Aquarius, meaning your emotional self is intuitive, observant, detached, and rational. You are often in your own world, but are scared of how you truly feel. It's in your second house, meaning you find security and safety through money and material possessions."

And this is where the relentless @-ing appears. In my own world? Scared of how I truly feel? I'm in this picture and I don't like it. Find safety through money and material things? We WONT bring up what Louis calls my tendency to throw money at problems. The Valentines Day debacle, anyone?

"Mercury in Scorpio

Mercury determines how you communicate, talk, think, and process information. It also indicates how you learn. It is the mind's planet. Your Mercury is in Scorpio, meaning your intellect is intense, serious, and obsessive. You have tendency to see things that others don't through your perceptive and insightful intuition. You don't take things lightly and like to get straight to the point, which can come off as harsh, suspicious, or intrusive. You tend to communicate through your body language. It's in your eleventh house, meaning you are curious about and inclined to analyze your friends, how to make an impact on people, and your political life."

Yes, THANK YOU, I'm actually quite intelligent, I'll remind you, people don't remember that because I do hide it under a lot of LOUD, see aforesaid ascendent in Sagittarius, but I spend a lot of time --too much time--thinking. And I have been called blunt. And as I've been called animated more times than I'd like to count, the expressing things through body language is true.

"Venus in Libra

Venus determines how and what you love. It indicates how you express affection and the qualities you're attracted to. Your Venus is in Libra, meaning your romantic side is idealistic and eager-to-please. You want an equitable relationship, and you're willing to make compromises to get there. You can be a little self-obsessed, and may have trouble being realistic or loyal in your relationships. It's in your eleventh house, meaning that for you, love is often expressed in social status, including platonic and casual friends, along with your hopes, wishes, and dreams."

....... Presented without further comment.

"Mars in Sagittarius

Mars is the planet of aggression. It determines how you assert yourself, take action, and the energy that surrounds you—particularly in your sex life, your ambitiousness, and when you're angry. Your Mars is in Sagittarius, meaning you assert yourself in a way that pushes boundaries, you easily become impatient and restless, and you push things forward with more vision than thoughtfulness. It's in your first house, meaning you put a lot of energy into your self and self-image—and, because it's your first house, your Mars in Sagittarius is hyper-present in your personality."

More vision than thoughtfulness can shut up. It's not wrong but it can shut up

"Jupiter in Sagittarius

One of the two social planets, Jupiter rules idealism, optimism, and expansion. It's also very philosophical. Your Jupiter is in Sagittarius, meaning you grow and find understanding through questioning, curiosity, independence, and debate. It's in your first house, meaning you find success through your self and self-image—and, because it's your first house, your Jupiter in Sagittarius is hyper-present in your personality."

A little too much questioning and curiouity, hmm, Marius?

"Saturn in Aquarius

The other social planet, Saturn rules responsibility, restrictions, limits, boundaries, fears, and self-discipline. Your Saturn is in Aquarius, meaning you struggle with obstinacy, a superiority complex, and being overly detached. It's in your third house, meaning you have had difficulties with the things you know and are familiar with."

Me??? A superiority complex????? Obstinate? You know, I'm almost flattered. Just call me the Brat Prince, chart, it'd be faster.

"Uranus in Pisces

Uranus stays in each sign for seven years, meaning it rules a generation more than a person. It rules innovation, rebellion, and progress. Your Uranus is in Pisces, meaning other generations are shocked by your generation's sense of empathy, dreaminess, and gentle nature. It's in your third house, meaning that for you, this manifests in rebelling against dated expectations about the things you know and are familiar with."

I wouldn't call my generation empathetic or gentle, but we were thoughtful. Though compared to some, perhaps we were.

I do not choose to coment on rebelling against dated expectations , as once again, they don't call me the Brat Prince for nothing.

"Neptune in Leo

Neptune stays in each sign for around fourteen years, meaning it rules a generation more than a person. It rules dreams, imagination, and the unconscious. Your Neptune is in Leo, meaning your entire generation finds inspiration through magnanimity, leadership, thinking big, and confidence. It's in your eighth house, meaning that for you, this manifests in your ideal—verging on unrealistic and impractical—about darkness, taboos, rebirth, sex, and transformation."

This is a bit more how is describe those of us who were Young in the years just before the French Revolution. We were throwing ourselves into a new world, a world we were determined to make, and unafraid of the darkness we were about to fall into.

"Pluto in Sagittarius

Pluto stays in each sign for up to thirty years, meaning it rules a generation more than a person. It rules power, intensity, obsession, and control. Your Pluto is in Sagittarius, meaning your generation's psyche is comparatively positive, free-spirited, curious, optimistic, forward-looking, independent, and confident. It's in your first house, meaning you personally are transforming your self and self-image—and, because it's your first house, your Pluto in Sagittarius is hyper-present in your personality."

As is this. The Age of Enlightenment. I do wish some of us were still around

Now tell me, friends and fans and fellow Scorpios, do you agree with the stars?

[ma-gic-gay]

"If it was up to me, we'd figure out a way to make our marriage real, build a life together. We'd stay together. But that's not what she deserves. She deserves to be with someone she loves," Michael says to Dante one afternoon. "And I don't think she's in love with me."

"Have you told Willow any of this? You keep talking about everything she deserves, how you're not it for some reason you manipulate yourself into thinking, but you don't think she deserves to know how you feel about her?" Dante asks.

"If I tell her this, she stays in this marriage out of feeling like she has to. If I don't, then she gets to go be with someone who she's in love with!" Michael tells him.

"You're an idiot, Michael. Stop deluding yourself into thinking she doesn't have feelings for you too, or that everything would go to hell if you tell her you love her. The worst thing to come out of that is she doesn't feel the same, or even worse, you never tell her how you feel. Don't go down that path."

"Why not? What if Willow doesn't love me back, Dante? For all I know, she's still in love with Chase! She thought he was the love of her life, who the hell am I to tell her I'm in love with her? The worst it is a regret."

Dante sighs, looking at his little brother. "The biggest regret of my life is leaving Lulu and the kids. Sending her divorce papers, trying to forget about them while I was away. You want to live with the fact that you had the woman of your dreams right in front of you this whole time and a million opportunities to tell her how you felt, but didn't take a single one? Do you think, honestly, you'll be able to look her in the eye in 10 years when she's married to some guy who's half as good as you are, but you're both Wiley's parents and never became anything more than that?"

"I don't know! We're getting an annulment for gods sakes, Dante, I don't know how to tell her I love her. She- she's perfect, she's everything I've ever wanted and more." Michael tells him honestly, sitting down. "I don't want her with someone else, but I do want her to be happy with whoever she's with. That's all I ever want for Willow, that she's happy."

"You're terrified of losing her, aren't you?"

"Yes," Michael admits.

"That's how I knew Lulu was the one, Michael. One day, we were just hanging out, and I thought to myself, I can't lose this woman. If I lose her... I don't know what I'll do," Dante tells his little brother, sitting next to him. "It's how Sonny knew Carly was the one, it's how my mother knew Ned was the one. The fear of losing the person made all of us more scared than we were of anything else, except maybe something happening to our children."

"How is this supposed to help me, exactly?"

"Think, right now. Think of all the things you love about Willow," Dante instructs a confused Michael.

His thoughts run wild. Her smile, the way she is with Wiley, how kind she is, their kiss, that look she had on her face when they'd won sole custody of Wiley, everything. How quick she was to help Kristina get out of DOD, the way she looked in her wedding dress, her empathy, her compassion, everything. There wasn't enough space in his head for him to think of everything. "I am," Michael says. "Am I supposed to be having an epiphany or something?"

Chuckling, Dante says, "Nope. I just wanted to see you smile like an absolute idiot. Which, by the way, you are in general."

"Shut up and get to the point, Dante," Michael rolls his eyes at his older brother. "There is a point here, right? Because if there's not, I don't know why you're acting like this."

"Your smile when you're thinking of her, Michael, it's different than when you were thinking about Abby, or Sabrina, or Sasha from what I saw. And when the two of you are together, it's like you have to force your eyes off of each other when there's other people there. Trust me, your mother has been harassing me about this for weeks. It's getting annoying for everyone, watching you incredibly oblivious people who are clearly in love with each other not say you are. You were ready to propose marriage to Sabrina for gods sakes and still, you didn't look this happy all the time. Sure, you and Willow haven't really fought yet, but whenever the two of you are together, it's like you've got the biggest smile ever on your face even if that's not exactly there."

Michael smiles thinking of how similar Willow and Sabrina are, but also how vastly different they are at the same time. "And the point of telling me about how I look when I'm with her is..."

"You are impossible to work with. Michael, tell her you're in love with her before it's too late and you're thinking all the time about how different your life could've been if you'd just told her you loved her. Don't live your life with that as a regret," Dante says. "Either you tell her or I do."

"I am fine with living a life with regret, Dante. We all have regrets," Michael says. "I couldn't deal with myself if I hurt Willow or pressured her into doing something she didn't want to do."

"Michael Corinthos, you were not raised by Sonny, Carly, AJ, and Jason to be such a wimp who stands by and let's the woman he loves get away because he's in his head," Dante lectures him, putting on his big brother lecture voice. "You're being so annoyingly stupid because you don't think she could love you back, but you're not unlovable! People love you, and Willow would be a damned fool if she wasn't."

Michael lets what Dante said sink in for a moment, smiling. "Alright, well you're not entirely wrong. Maybe it wouldn't kill me to tell her how I feel."

"Progress! And perfect timing, considering that she's here," Dante smirks as Willow walks in the door. "Well, I'd love to stay and chat but I've got to go do something so you two have fun."

When he leaves, Willow glances at Michael. "Is it just me or is he acting weird, even for Dante?"

"He's acting weird. Can we talk for a second about the annulment?" Michael asks, gesturing for her to sit next to him.

"Yeah, is there an issue with it?" Willow asks, sounding almost hopeful as she sits next to him.

"The issue with it is that I don't want one. I know I suggested it, but honestly, Willow, you're everything I could've wanted and more. I suggested an annulment because I thought you needed to hear it. In hindsight, I set you up to think an annulment was what I wanted and to think it was the right thing to do, which I'm sorry for. But the truth is, I'm in love with you. I want this marriage to work, if you do too," Michael says. He's careful with his words and makes sure he's not doing anything to pressure her into anything. "Of course, if you want to still get annulled, we will, and if you don't reciprocate my feelings, that's fine."

Willow smiles at him for a minute before saying, "I love you too."

words