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gaylordscooter · 5 months

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Where Fate Leads Us

Killer, Dust and Horror were in Killer's room, folding the multitude of clothes.

“don't expect me to do more of the chores around here just because you two offered to help me,” Killer said.

“sure, you'll be too busy with laundry anyway,” Horror chuckled.

“i literally will,” he said in full seriousness. He placed the shirt he folded onto the stack of shirts in his closet that was getting taller than he was standing. “i know i’ve joked that you two ain’t allowed to borrow my clothes—but yeah, please take some of these. i didn't expect there to be this much.”

“eh, it's not my style,” Horror shrugged, holding a pair of ripped jeans.

“horror, bud. please.”

Horror shook his head, “shouldn't have gotten so many clothes, man.”

“i swear nightmare gave me more than i grabbed.”

“that's definitely not true.”

“dust, back me up.”

Dust did not back him up.

Killer sighed, looking at his hubris that was the closet filled to the brim with stacks of clothing. He wouldn't have to do laundry that often if he washed all his clothes once he ran out of clean ones, but that would take so long. Eh, he’ll worry about it later.

They didn't see Nightmare until they started to eat dinner. He arrived without a word, keeping his gaze forward and away from the three as he walked over to the door to the hallway.

Killer dropped his fork upon seeing him.

A good amount of the goop on his body was gone, as if half of his body was washed off. Or scorched off. Something smelled burnt.

What surprised Killer the most was seeing his skull. He was a skeleton and he looked like him. He didn't expect that.

Nightmare spared a quick glance at Killer as he tried to walk faster. His gait was erratic, akin to limping. What little slime there was formed slim tendrils by his legs that he used as support to walk.

The three stayed silent until a few moments after he left.

“he looks younger than me,” Killer said.

But rather than questioning it, the three decided to drop it there.

They didn’t see much of Nightmare until a whole week later.

They were sitting at one of the tables in the Great Hall, conversing with each other. Soon enough the topic steered over to Nightmare.

“nightmare hasn't put us through anything recently, huh? not even a game of uno,” Horror said. Last time there was a dip in activity, he was paranoid, but he was oddly calm about it this time. Seeing Nightmare's other form changed the way he saw him, he supposed. It was easier to personify him. “what do you two think he's up to?”

Dust merely shrugged. Either because he didn't feel like talking or because he really didn't have a clue.

Killer seemed lost in thought, before speaking up, “he apologized.”

“huh?” Horror cocked his head.

“he apologized, for putting us through all that shit. maybe he meant it?” That apology would be worth nothing if he continued to do it, after all. Which is what he was expecting, but it's been a whole week since then and he has yet to tell them to do anything.

“he actually apologized? that's hilarious,” Horror said.

“i think he was being genuine, but i wonder why he’s been out more often.”

The obvious conclusion to this behavior would be that he's planning something, but none of them jumped to it. Perhaps they were beginning to trust him.

They were also all in a good mood today.

Killer was able to get a good night’s sleep and woke up well-rested for once. He had a good breakfast consisting of ungodly amounts of buttered toast, tended to the cats, and now he was hanging out with the other two. It was a solid day.

Dust also appeared to be in a lighter mood. He was chatty by his standards and overall more relaxed. It was like less stuff was on his mind.

Horror didn't feel on edge constantly, almost feeling how he used to before the core went kaput. It was as if he felt safe, almost.

In fact, they’ve been in a good mood this whole past week. If their year-ago selves saw them now they'd find this weird and crazy.

“though, he always comes and goes in such a hurry…”

As if on cue, Nightmare entered the hall, throwing the doors open in a dramatic fashion that called for attention. He only had four tentacles out at the moment. That was half the usual amount.

“Hello,” he greeted. “How has everyone been today?” He has never asked that question before. He was being friendlier, perhaps.

“i’m doin’ good,” Killer answered without a second thought.

“‘m fine,” Horror said.

Dust nodded, indicating he felt the same.

Nightmare hid his smile. “I see, carry on then.” He left the hall, sinking into the ground to reappear in his room.

It was happening.

He felt incredibly weak at the moment, sure, but it would all pay off. He just needed to be patient.

He collapsed on his bed, reverting to his normal “passive” form as the protector of the multiverse called it. He was nearing the end of his plan. He will enact the last step tomorrow. He had to. If his exhaustion was anything to go by, he was running out of time.

The next morning, Killer was first to wake up. Another night of feeling well rested. It was a miracle. He sat up and stretched before getting up to throw on a change of clothes.

He went out to the hall, glancing at Horror and Dust’s doors before heading over to the kitchen.

He opened the pantry only to be met with nothing but chocolate bars. Instead of getting annoyed or mad he laughed.

He shut the pantry and composed himself. Why did he find it funny? Nightmare definitely targeted him with that one—No, it was just coincidence.

It was?

Killer shook his head trying to snap himself out of whatever was happening.

Something was happening, right? Something was off.

Nothing was off. He was just being silly.

He scratched the back of his head, opting to open the fridge.

And there was nothing but ketchup.

He slammed the door shut. Laughter erupted from his metaphorical throat. He ended up collapsing to the floor from how hard he was laughing.

He couldn't breathe. He didn't need to breathe.

But his chest still hurt. No it didn't. He couldn't feel pain.

Everything was fine.

His soul snapped into a target shape. He gasped for air and scrambled up to stand. It was like cold water was dumped onto him.

Something’s wrong, he tested the thought. Nothing came to counter it.

Something was messing with his head. For how long? Oh god, for how long?

Where the hell was Dust and Horror?! He wasn't ever the first to arrive in the kitchen, let alone first to wake up.

A cackle echoed throughout the area as the kitchen warped and twisted. The floorboards underneath him cracked and splintered, revealing dark nothingness beneath. The patterns on the wall had eyes, all glaring at him.

What the fuck was happening?

He choked out a breath, rushing over to the door that led to the hall. The door itself looked normal but when he grabbed the doorknob he couldn't let go of it, as if it grabbed back.

Was he still dreaming? Was this a hallucination?

The door flung open. He still couldn't let go of the handle.

It was Nightmare.

“Good morning, Killer,” he said calmly, as if their surroundings weren't collapsing in on itself. “Leaving the kitchen so soon? You haven't even eaten yet. Was the food not to your liking? But I picked it out just for you.” It sounded like his voice was coming from all directions. It was disorienting to say the least.

His eye, along with the eyes on the walls darted to his soul. He looked disappointed when he noticed its shape. He tsked, “After all the work I’ve put in, the stubborn thing is still unstable?”

“wh-what the hell are you talking about?” he rasped.

Nightmare snatched his soul with one of his hands. He leered down at it like a predator stalking its prey. He molded it with his hands back into the shape of a normal monster soul while Killer keened.

Killer grit his teeth as his emotions hit him at full force. It was now that he realized the unusual happiness he felt these past few days was not normal. That had to be Nightmare's doing.

That's why he thought he trusted him.

“you,” he growled, “you asshole!”

Nightmare merely drank up his anger with an amused expression. “Yes? Is that anything new?” he asked.

“fuck you!”

“Using big boy words now, aren't we?”

“i hate you.”

Nightmare was unfazed by the comment. “Tell me something I don't know.”

The door, along with the handle keeping Killer captive, suddenly disappeared. However, he still couldn't move. It was like he had sleep paralysis.

But unfortunately, he knew the demon was real.

“Do you want to know something funny? It isn’t just that I gain energy from negativity, positive emotions hurt. They sting like pouring acid on a wound as you wrench it open. But it was all worth enduring just to see the look of betrayal on your face.”

He was foolish. He was an idiot. He was an utter idiot!

Nightmare's smile spread impossibly wide across his face, curling up at the edges as he took in all of Killer's anguish. He was reveling in it.

“The best part, you were right to be untrusting. And then you second guessed yourself, leading to your downfall. It's pathetically hilarious.”

Killer wanted to wipe that smug face off so badly.

“I may not be able to force people to be happy like my brother, but I can maintain what is there by taking away your ability to feel anything negative. Isn't that fascinating? Your happiness was real. I tore that away from you.”

He felt sick. He felt utterly sick.

“I wonder. Do you think you three were the first ones?”

There was too much liquid determination leaking from his sockets. He retched, leaving a puddle on the torn up ground. He coughed more out, trying to prevent himself from choking on it.

Nightmare watched the display in amusement. He leaned down, reaching a hand out to caress the side of his face in a false display of affection. “Oh, Killer,” he cooed, voice sickly sweet, “You're getting my floors dirty.”

His touch was painful. It trudged up old and awful memories. He imagined that this is what everyone he killed felt when he dealt the final blow. With effort, he managed to tilt his head away from his hand.

Nightmare withdrew his hand, wiping it on his cloak as if Killer was covered in dirt.

“Oh mortals, so easy to fool. You pretend not to know things, ask questions and suddenly you seem less of a threat. He's ignorant to the world. So innocent. Surely he’s just misguided.”

Killer’s breath hitched. He tried not to break down in front of him. He wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. He couldn't. Usually it was second nature to suppress his emotions, but it was too much now.

God, it was all an act for a false sense of security. He played with them like dolls and now he was tossing them out. What was going to happen now? Was he going to kill him?

Back then he wouldn't have cared about that. But now, he wanted to live. He had people he cared about again.

Did he already kill Dust and Horror?

“You're crying,” he said with false concern. “Be grateful you're able to. The others and your cats didn't even have the chance to.”

“NO!” Killer cried at the implications. The dam broke as he sobbed audibly. He clutched at his head, digging his fingers into his skull. He was hyperventilating. “no, you didn't. you didn’t—no.” He collapsed to his knees, shaking as he repeated his words of disbelief.

“You're alone, Killer,” he said in a tone that was a mockery of comfort. His sadness was euphoric. “You know, you were always my favorite out of the bunch.”

Killer was hardly listening now, too wracked with grief to hear.

“Because I knew how satisfying it would be to build you back up, just to tear you down again.”

And it was satisfying. Killer served him a mess of emotions in a cocktail just for him.

This is what he wanted. This is what he was made for. Was the multiverse finally happy with him?

Everything went dark. Killer shut his eye sockets tight and braced himself for certain death.

“Goodbye,” Nightmare growled.

When he opened them, he saw white. He had to blink his sockets until they adjusted to the brightness. Was this the afterlife? It was so empty.

And quiet.

He stayed on the ground, unable to find the effort to stand. So that was it, huh? He thought he was given a second chance. He was given back control over his life—but that was just a mere illusion. They were all his puppets in the end. He was just good at hiding their strings.

He couldn’t deny the sense of betrayal he felt. It was funny, he knew he couldn’t trust him.

He was still crying. There was a stain on the ground now created by the liquid determination pouring from his sockets.

He remembered when he thought dying would bring him peace, but now he was mourning all the things he was unable to do. He already missed Dust and Horror.

He laid on the ground for a little while, numb to the passage of time.

“—and there's the third. Hey man, you good?” A voice spoke.

Killer jolted and staggered to his feet. He looked around the area frantically, not finding anyone nearby—until he looked down. He screamed and backed away on instinct.

It was another skeleton, notably shorter than him, but still looked like a Sans regardless. However, this one dressed drastically different from any Sans he’s seen. He wore a scarf around his neck, some kind of crop top over a white tank top, long brown gloves that only covered his ring and pinky finger, and a brown jumpsuit worn like pants with the sleeves tied around his waist. It was safe to say he was a fashion disaster.

He raised his hands to show he was empty handed and meant no harm. “It's okay, I’m not going to hurt you.”

The way he spoke reminded Killer of how he’d talk to a scared cat. Another sharp pang hit his soul as he remembered that he’ll never be able to see his cats again. “who the hell are you?” he asked, voice raw from all his screaming.

The skeleton looked confused at the question but answered anyway, “The name’s ink.” He did a dorky pose where he pointed to himself as he said that.

“so i’m not dead?” he questioned aloud.

“I sure hope you aren't. Your friends would be sad.”

Killer narrowed his eyes warily. “what friends?”

“Two sanses like you, one had a red eye and the other had his hood covering his face. They asked if i saw you.”

“when did you see them?! they're alive?” Hope kindled in his soul before he had the chance to be cautious.

“They are. I took them over to the hub just a bit ago,” Ink explained. “I can take you to them.”

“please!” Killer hastily said. He didn't even know what the “hub” was but all he knew is that he needed to get over to Dust and Horror now.

He reached his hand out to him.

Killer grabbed it without hesitation.

Ink’s scarves moved like prehensile tails and painted the ground beneath them which promptly turned into a hole.

The two of them fell, startling Killer, but fortunately once they got close to the ground, Ink slowed their fall by floating somehow.

He let go of his hand once they landed.

They were in a whole different world. His eye sockets widened. He looked around the new area and saw a multitude of unfamiliar people.

“killer?”

He whipped his head in the direction of the voice. His face lit up upon seeing Horror and Dust. “guys!” he shouted. He bolted over to the two, tackling them down into a hug.

“you're both alive!” he exclaimed. He clung to the two of them like a koala. “i thought nightmare killed you guys.”

“we thought nightmare killed you.” Horror patted his back comfortingly while Dust simply hugged him back.

Killer ended the hug and stood up after a bit, helping the two up. “i’m so glad it was a bluff,” he said in relief. “fuck, what an asshole.”

“what did he do to you? it looks like you were doused with black paint.”

Killer glanced down at his clothes. Sure enough there were black stains. He didn't really want to think about what happened, but even as he did he found it hard to describe. “well, first of all, everything was fucked up like i was having a bad trip, and then he gloated about killing you two and then i thought he killed me.” It was a really poor summary, but he believed he got the point across.

“and what’s up with all that?” Horror gestured to the black stains that trailed from his face to his shirt.

“i threw up,” Killer said, trying to wipe off the dried determination near his teeth.

Horror absentmindedly wiped his own shirt. He was transparently concerned.

“Woah woah woah, what the hell are these three doing here?!” a new voice shouted.

The three of them snapped their attention to the unfamiliar person, making him freeze in place as a result.

Killer noticed that Ink was next to him.

He was yet another Sans, slightly taller than Ink but shorter than the three of them. He wore a torn-up lab coat over a blue-gray shirt, navy blue pants, blueish-green gloves and boots of supposedly the same rubber-like material. He also wore a bandana the same color as his boots and gloves around his neck.

In short, he looked like a nerd.

Ink told him something too quietly for them to catch.

The nerd-looking Sans, gave them a weird look before daring to walk over to them with Ink trailing behind. He reached his hand out for a handshake. “Hi,” he said simply.

No one made a move to return the handshake.

“Don't any of you know how to greet a new pal?” The way he said that felt practiced. And then he snickered and dropped his hand. “So none of you remember those times you almost killed me? Cool. That's great. The name’s Blue.”

The three exchanged glances amongst themselves, seeing if any of them recognized this “Blue”. Nope, none of them did.

None of them felt inclined to introduce themselves either.

Blue tugged at his bandana awkwardly and then swiveled around to Ink. “do they have to be here?”

Ink rolled his eyelights. “Yes, it's a thing.”

“Like how Dream bursting into flames and turning into some eldritch angel for a bit was a thing?”

Ink didn't even have to reply.

“Of course it is,” he sighed. He turned back around. “Anyway!” The increase in volume made the three flinch, but Blue didn't seem to notice. “Welcome to the hub! This is a place of refuge for people who’s universes have been destroyed or sucked badly, et cetera, et cetera, don't kill anyone here and you'll be provided a home along with food and water, probably.”

They were all disoriented by this change of pace. So they really were just going to live somewhere completely different now. Said somewhere being populated with many other people.

This was definitely going to take some getting used to.

Horror looked uncertain while Dust looked uncomfortable. Killer, on the other hand, looked elated.

“guys this means we're free. we’re free from nightmare!” he realized. “you're not gonna torture us, are you?” he asked Blue.

“Oh god no,” he replied, sounding repulsed.

Killer pumped his fist in the air as if that was a plus instead of the bare minimum.

Blue looked to the side awkwardly. “So then, Ink here will find you guys a place to stay and if you have any questions you can ask me, or Cross and Chara. Those two are the ones who founded the place after all, but they aren't here right now, unfortunately.”

“where can we get some food?” Killer asked. Hunger decided to hit him now and it was likely Dust and Horror were hungry too. None of them got to eat breakfast, to his knowledge.

“Oh, there's a Grillby’s—”

“anything but a grillby’s?” he sounded a bit desperate asking that.

“I gotcha covered!” Ink chimed in, nudging Blue aside. “I can get you guys whatever you want. I’ll get you guys a room first. Follow me.” He walked off towards the buildings in the distance.

There were a lot of other people around the area. A good amount were also skeletons. For the most part, they’d mind their own business, only glancing at them from time to time as they followed Ink.

Dust avoided looking at everyone, especially trying to make himself look small when nearing a Papyrus.

At one point Horror came to a sudden halt with a horrified expression.

There was an Undyne and Alphys, the two clearly together, nearby.

“what? you hate love or something?” Killer snickered.

Horror pulled his tattered hood on. “don't joke with me right now, killer,” he grumbled.

Killer went quiet and kept his head down. He hoped they were almost there. He kept looking at the buildings as they walked along trying to find one that looked remotely like the place they would stay. He realized that, while Horror and Dust seemed bothered by seeing different versions of people they knew, he saw all of these guys as mere strangers. Try as he might, when he sees a Papyrus he doesn't feel anything and can only go off of vague memories to know that he should be feeling something more.

He hesitated to kill his Papyrus. Why did he look at these other versions of him and feel nothing towards them?

He remembered when Nightmare brought a Papyrus to the castle and when they hugged. He didn't feel that much back then either, but he chalked that up to his soul being on the fritz.

“We're here!” Ink finally said. “Well, this is where Horror’ll stay—if you guys want to be separate, that is.”

The building they were in front of looked like an actual house rather than an apartment.

“how the hell do you know my name?”

“Your brother told me, duh,” Ink said as if he should’ve known already.

“my brother?! is he here?” Horror questioned. He looked like he’d strangle Ink if he was joking with him.

Ink pointed to the building with his thumb. “He’s living in there with a few others from your world. I think he's in there right now.”

Horror approached the door and knocked.

“Who’s there?”

That was Toriel’s voice.

“amish,” he answered.

“Amish who?”

“I missed you too.”

Toriel laughed, thankfully. He was pretty rusty on his knock knock jokes. He wasn't sure that one would land.

The door opened a few seconds later.

Toriel looked healthier and less burdened. Her fur was well taken care of rather than matted like it was the last time he saw her. She also had new robes that were much more vibrant in color. She smiled fondly at him. “Hello, Sans.”

He couldn't believe this was real. “heya, toriel.”

He heard a stampede coming from behind her as the whole gang from Grillby’s went up to the door. A chorus of “Sans!” rang out.

“‘sup, guys?” He was surprised to see that all of them were staying in the house.

Many of them were saying things like “we thought you died” and “where the hell have you been?”.

Everyone looked a lot livelier.

Papyrus managed to push himself out from the crowd, Toriel stepping aside to let him get closer to his brother.

Papyrus looked more like his old self. There weren't any more blood stains on him, but his teeth were still crooked. His outfit was completely different. He was wearing what appeared to be a red-orange knitted sweater with the text “Cool Dude” embroidered in white in the middle of it. His jagged neck was exposed without his cape on.

Soon enough, Sans was off the ground and lifted into the air by Papyrus as he brought him into a tight hug. “I KNEW I’D SEE YOU AGAIN!” he said excitedly.

“missed you too, bro. i hope you weren't too bonely without me.”

Papyrus let out a sob at his joke, but not in annoyance but rather joy.

“you good?”

“I MISSED YOUR PUNS,” he admitted. “IT WASN’T THE SAME WHEN TORIEL WOULD MAKE THEM.”

“you dead serious? of corpse toriel can't hold a candle to me, she’s just not as humerus. no body’s funnier than a skeleton like me.”

Toriel snickered at his rapid-fire jokes.

“AND IT’S WORN OFF! I NO LONGER MISS THEM,” he said lightheartedly. He set Sans down carefully. “WOWIE, YOUR CLOTHES SURE ARE…SOMETHING.”

Right, he practically was dressed in tattered rags.

“I THINK I HAVE SOME OF YOUR CLOTHES PACKED IN MY ROOM. DOGARESSA SAID I WAS OVER PACKING BUT I KNEW I WAS RIGHT TO BRING THEM!” he raised his voice even louder as he mentioned Dogaressa. “COME INSIDE, I’LL SHOW YOU OUR ROOM!” Papyrus walked back inside the house eagerly.

Sans smiled but paused before taking a step in. He looked back to Dust and Killer, who were watching his reunion.

“Are those friends of yours?” Toriel asked.

Friends. He doesn't think any of them have called each other a friend before.

“uh, yeah,” he said quietly.

“Why not introduce them to us?” she suggested.

He never thought about the possibility of introducing Killer and Dust to them. He wasn't sure how something like that would go. Their names themselves would be off-putting. He motioned for them to come over.

They looked hesitant, as if they weren't sure if he really did want them to come over. Eventually, they bit the bullet and started walking over.

“Hello there,” Toriel greeted. “I take it, you two are friends of Sans?”

Man, they've killed different versions of everyone inside that house, Killer thought awkwardly. “yup, the name’s killer.”

She seemed to be more concerned with his odd soul than his name. To her credit, she didn't question either. “My name is Toriel, it is nice to meet you.” She looked at Dust, who was probably sweating bullets underneath his hood. “And you are?”

Dust kept his hands in his pockets and his gaze downward as if the ground was very interesting.

“oh uh, he doesn't talk. we call him…” Killer desperately tried to think of any other name to call him that didn’t literally mean corpse. “dusk.”

“It is nice to meet you as well, Dusk.”

“Nice of you guys to get acquainted,” Ink said, appearing behind the two skeletons. “Now if you don't mind, you two, we gotta get a move on. I’m a busy skeleton.”

“right, we’ll see you around,” Killer said. “bye, h—sans.”

Sans waved goodbye and went inside the house after his brother.

“Farewell,” Toriel said and then closed the door.

Ink led them to a hotel building a few blocks away from the house. The walk was quiet and lackluster.

That is, until Killer realized something. “hang on.”

“Hm?”

“you said horror’s brother told you his name.”

“Yup!” he confirmed.

“Horror’s brother doesn't know he's called that.”

Ink looked like he was caught robbing a bank, and then he laughed it off. “Wow, it took you that long to notice that? Anyway,” he gestured to the hotel, “this is where you two will be staying.”

“don’t just change topics—”

“I don't have time to explain to you who I am and how I know literally everything about you. Like how you're gonna ask me if you're gonna share a room with Dusk and then you'll get sad when I tell you ‘well I did have two rooms prepared’ and then stupidly happy when I say ‘but if you want you guys can share a room’.”

Killer looked mortified. What the hell was this guy’s deal? Could he see the future?

Ink handed him a key. “Anyway, here's your room key, it's on the second floor. Yes there's two beds but I doubt you need the extra one—”

“hey.”

“Have fun.” His scarf painted a hole in the ground and he jumped into it.

Killer sighed, inspecting the key in his hand. It had the room number on it, fortunately. “c’mon, man,” he said to Dust.

The two of them walked into the hotel, which thankfully didn't have anyone in the lobby at the moment. They were able to get in their room without any interruptions.

The moment Killer locked the door shut, Dust threw himself onto one of the beds with a sigh.

“how you holding up, dust?”

“don't call me that,” he muttered angrily.

“oh.” He went over to sit on the other bed, proving Ink wrong. “so is ‘dusk’ fine?”

He didn't protest, so he assumed it was a yes. It was funny, they hardly sounded different. In fact, Killer came up with that name because it sounded similar.

Was it because of the meaning behind the words or because of the person who gave him the name that made the difference? Killer knew it was more likely to be the former.

Dusk laid on the bed lifelessly, as if he was an actual dead skeleton.

Killer couldn't blame him. The only reason he wasn't breaking down was because someone else was in the room, and he was getting tired of all this emotional turmoil.

He heard a knock at the door. “i’m going to stab whoever's outside if you don't make like a tree and fuck off,” he threatened.

“Geez! I just brought you guys some food. It's lumpia. I’ll leave it at the door,” that sounded like Blue.

Killer waited a bit until he got up to open the door. There was a bag of takeout on the ground. He picked it up and shut the door, locking it again.

Inside the containers was a food he didn't recognize. thank god, he would've snapped if it was Grillby’s. He left one of the containers on Dusk’s bedside counter.

He ate like a starving animal, pleased to find out that the “lumpia”, as Blue called it, was pretty good. Honestly, he’d eat literal dirt but that didn't stop him from appreciating well-cooked food.

He heard Dusk sit up and grab the container on his bedside counter.

They ate in silence for a bit.

“i’m glad you're not dead,” Dusk said eventually.

Killer snickered, “me too.” He realized how that came out. “i’m also glad that you're alive, i mean.”

He saw him smiling underneath his hood.

“i dunno if my cats are okay, though. even if he doesn't hurt them directly…who's gonna take care of them?” His smile faltered.

Dusk put the container back and got up to sit next to him. He thought of what to say. He wasn’t that good at comforting people in the past and he definitely wasn’t good at it now. “they were strays, right? they’ll probably be able to fend for themselves.”

“god, i hope so.” That wasn’t even taking into account the possibility that Nightmare himself will hurt them. Killer supposed he never explicitly said he killed anyone, and the other two turned out to be fine, but that didn’t stop him from fearing the worst.

He felt Dusk’s arm awkwardly wrap around him. Instinctively he turned to hug him back.

Maybe they’ll end up okay.

#utmv fic #nightmare sans #killer sans #horror sans #dust sans

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something-tofightfor · 9 months

Text

Snow and Mistletoe - Part 2

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

No Outbreak AU.

Word Count: 6,325

Rating: M - as a whole for language and innuendo, but this chapter's mostly fluff... and maybe a lil smooch.

A/N: This is a continuation of the @pedrostories Secret Santa fic gift exchange for @burntheedges. I meant to post it yesterday but then we got caught up in family stuff ... so here we go now, and part 3 should be up later tonight.

I'm so glad you liked the first part ... and hope you like this one, too. (And to everyone else - THANK YOU for reading!)

Summary: The Chamber of Commerce Christmas celebration is the first time you and Joel will have together after admitting that there's something there.

But it turns out that that environment isn't the best for getting to know someone ... so Joel takes matters into his own - very capable - hands.

Part 1

When you left work the following Friday afternoon, you were nervous.

There was no reason to be, because yes you were going to the party with Joel, but the Chamber event was casual, and you’d likely both be pulled in fifteen different directions to talk with people, not stuck to his side all night.

Ellie and Sarah had almost shoved you out the door of your store, both girls grinning from ear to ear and promising to see you later, Sarah’s fingers wrapped tightly around the neck of the acoustic guitar she held.

The nervousness grew as you drove home, fingers tapping on the steering wheel, and then blossomed when you got into the shower, the hot water heating your skin doing absolutely nothing to calm you.

It was just Joel.

Just Joel - Sarah’s dad, the man you’d gone to high school with and spoken to occasionally throughout the years at Sarah and Ellie’s school events or little league games, the man you said hello to and carried on limited conversation with a few times a week when he came into the store.

But as you toweled off, you had to admit that he hadn’t really been just Joel for a while.

He’d morphed from a cute former classmate and the dad of your niece’s best friend into the object of a crush the more you’d gotten to interact with him, and now that something was being done about it, you weren’t sure what to think.

It was more than his good looks. There was no denying that Joel was handsome; his profile was something that you’d thought about plenty of times, as were his facial features and overall build. But Joel was also kind and capable, the man’s devotion to raising his daughter and giving her the best possible life admirable for many reasons. It’s even more than that, though, too.

Pulling on a nice pair of jeans and a new sweater, you settled down in front of your mirror to do your hair and makeup, eyeing your reflection. It was no secret that Joel was one of the most eligible bachelors in your area, with his brother Tommy not far behind.

He’d dated - casually, never letting things go on for longer than a few times out with each woman, and you’d heard good things secondhand. But he’d always seemed unattainable - more focused on Sarah and building his contracting business than on getting serious or settling down. And you couldn’t blame him.

You knew what had happened after Amanda left Joel and Sarah, and the struggle he’d gone through as a single parent. Everyone that knew him had been witness to that - including Anna and Marlene.

Until Ellie had been more permanently in your life, you’d had no reason to interact with him on a regular basis, even though Marlene had. She’d talked about him to you more than a few times throughout the years, keeping you updated. And despite the things you knew to be true about him, the bits and pieces you’d learned firsthand were even more endearing, though they made him no less mysterious.

But that night would be the first time it was the two of you actively together somewhere that had nothing to do with Ellie and Sarah, and that was what made you nervous. That was especially true after finding out that Joel was interested in you - enough to invite you to a second night out before you’d even gone to the first. “This is going to be awkward.” You sighed, using both hands to prop up your chin, studying your reflection. “And fun. This is going to be -”

You were interrupted by the ringing of your doorbell and a motion alert from your camera, the sounds startling you as your eyes drifted to the closest clock. Shit. He’s early. Heading downstairs, you opened the front door to find Joel standing on your porch, a tan jacket zipped over his broad shoulders. You froze - momentarily - and then recovered, smiling and inviting him in. “I just need to brush my teeth and put on shoes, and -”

“You look amazing.” He blinked a few times, one hand stuffed into his pocket and the other hanging loosely by his side. “Not that you usually look -” Ok, so he’s nervous too. Good to know.

“Thank you.” Tugging on the collar of the sweater with two fingers, you grinned. “I got this sweater on sale and haven’t had a chance to wear it yet. Thought tonight would be a good opportunity.” He agreed, giving you another onceover, though it didn’t feel weird the way it usually did when a man looked you up and down “Be right back. Do you want to sit down?”

“Nah, I’m good. Take your time.”

You left him standing in the hallway to go back into the bathroom and give yourself a final assessment while you brushed your teeth. It was good to know that Joel was felling off-kilter, too - and it surprisingly made you feel a little better.

With a final spritz of your perfume, you made your way back downstairs and paused long enough to watch Joel running a palm over the woodwork in your entryway, his eyes following its path. You gave yourself a few seconds to watch, trying to push down the feeling of how much you enjoyed seeing him in your house, but before you could tell him you were ready, he spoke up.

“Gorgeous work. I take it this was here when you moved in?”

“It was.” You closed the distance between you, bending down to pull a pair of boots on. “There’s more of it throughout the rest of the house. The kitchen cabinets, and there are some built-in bookcases upstairs. And then my bedroom’s got this trim that’s one of the most intricate things I’ve…” You trailed off, shaking your head. “Long story short, yes. It was all here when I moved in and it was so … charming that I didn’t want to change any of it, so I didn’t.”

He turned his head to look at you, brown eyes filled with warmth. “Good. You shouldn’t.” His smile was small but still there, and you gave him one in return. “It’s beautiful.”

“Is that why you really volunteered to come pick me up?” Head tilting to the right, you winked at him. “Wanted to get up close and personal with all the vintage wood in my house?”

“If I wanted to do that, I would’ve asked to see what’s in your bedroom.” That left you speechless - but when Joel winked at you, reaching out to take your hand, you found your words again, speaking up as his fingers slipped against yours.

“Well, you didn’t… so now you’ll never know what my answer would have been.” He swore under his breath while pulling the front door open, his grip on you tightening. One point, me.

—

The party was fun. You were enjoying mingling with everyone, but you hadn’t really seen Joel in almost an hour… and that bothered you. Not because you’d expected to be with him the whole night, but because when you looked for him, you hadn’t been able to find him anywhere.

He wasn’t sitting at any of the tables, their tops covered in checkered tablecloths and fake Christmas greenery. He wasn’t standing next to the bar, talking with any of the people that had seemingly taken up residence beside it, not wanting to stray too far from the allure of free drinks.

He wasn’t even on the side of the building that had been opened for families, a jolly looking man dressed as Santa sitting on an ornate throne with stacks of brightly colored gifts and fake snow piles surrounding it.

You were confused, to say the least, and although as you made the rounds, you attempted to look for him, it seemed to be in vain. Ellie and Sarah will be here before I find him again at this rate, and -

“Hey.” You felt him step into place next to you, reaching over to touch your elbow. “Sorry about that. Had to step outside and take a work call about the job we’re starting in January.” He spoke almost directly into your ear, and even though you didn’t acknowledge him until you’d ended the conversation you were having with the owner of the movie theater, he didn’t move away from you, either.

When you did look at him, you saw that his cheeks were pink, the tip of his nose a little red, too. “Cold out there?”

“The wind’s cold.” He shrugged, reaching up to unbutton the top button on his plaid shirt . “I’m good now.” He still had his hand on your elbow, the man’s fingers closing around it. “You done talkin’ to everyone in this place? Want to grab something to eat?”

“I am and I do, but …” Looking past him and at the food stations, you sighed. “The lines are really long, Joel.” He looked, too, and as he did, you let your attention linger on the man’s neck, finding that even in the slightly muted lighting, you could see scattered freckles on his skin. I never noticed those before. “I… um.” You cleared your throat, taking a breath. “We could go get a drink before we wait for food.”

“Yes.” He looked back at you, his smile widening. “I like the sound of that.” Joel took your hand again and the two of you walked over to join the short line at the bar, the man saying hello to a few people as you passed. “People are watching you.” He leaned over while you waited, speaking into your ear. “I can’t believe you weren’t going to come tonight.”

“Or,” you replied, turning your head toward him so that you could meet his eyes. “Or they’re looking at you, and are thankful that you graced them with your presence tonight, Mr. Bigshot Contractor.” His cheeks went pink again, and that had nothing to do with the wind. “You and Tommy are a local success story, Joel.” You stepped up to the bar, placing your order and then moving off to the side to wait. “Miller Contracting is like two jobs away from getting national attention. I’m not surprised that people are staring. You’re single, your brother’s single, your business is booming, your kid’s basically a genius… what’s not to like?”

He seemed shocked as you were handed the festive cups, but Joel was silent until you got into the food line. “Wait, before you drink…” He raised his glass, making a face as he thought. “What should we drink to?”

“Oh. Um…” Why not make it a little awkward? Tapping one finger on your lips, you hummed. “How about to the teenage girls we live with and love taking things into their own hands and making this night happen?” He snorted, tipping his glass forward to meet the rim of yours.

“To Sarah and Ellie and their meddlin’.” You drank together, both of you laughing as you lowered your glasses. “They should be getting here soon, shouldn’t they.” You nodded, scanning the room as you inched forward. “She’s been on my ass about you for months now, by the way.”

“Oh?” You turned toward him, brows raised in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah. At first she was subtle, too. But then …” He shook his head, wrinkling his nose. “Right around my birthday, she got real specific.”

“When’s your birthday?”

“End of September.” He cocked his head to the side, shrugging. “But that was right in the middle of the project. I barely had time to sleep. I wasn’t even thinking about asking anyone out.” September? Hmm.

“Sarah started working for me at the beginning of September.” You sipped your drink, thinking. “I wonder if that had anything to do with it.”

“Probably.” He laughed, tipping his head back. “She started spendin’ another 20 hours a week with Ellie, and more time around you.”

“And here I thought she just got a job so she could get a discount on things for you.” You nudged him with your elbow. “Never thought she’d do it just so she could play matchmaker.”

“You did say she was pretty much a genius.” He grinned, the smile splitting his face. “But it worked, so I can’t really complain.” You didn’t know what to say to that so you stayed quiet, the two of you shuffling forward and toward the serving tables. Did it work?

You thought things were going pretty well, despite the limited amount of time that the two of you had actually spent together that night. You wondered if he felt the same, wondered if Joel was still looking forward to the following night as much as you were, or if he’d regretted preemptively inviting you for a second date. “Joel, I -”

“Oh, good!” You both turned your heads toward the new voice, a small wave of disappointment at being interrupted coursing through you. “You two are already waiting for food. Perfect.” Ellie and Sarah headed for the line, cutting through a few small groups until they were standing beside you. “How’s it going?”

“Going good, kiddo.” You nodded, looking between the girls. “Everything alright at the -”

“It’s fine.” She waved you off, rolling her eyes. “It didn’t burn down, Sarah remembered to set the alarm, and the drawer was only off by $426 dollars, so -”

“Actually, it was $427.” Sarah cut in, raising her hand to stage whisper to Ellie. “Remember?”

“You two are terrible.” You groaned, scowling at both of them. “Maybe we don’t want to let you in line with us. Maybe -”

“Too late, we’re already here.” Ellie’s grin was infectious, and even Joel laughed, using one hand to gesture for the two of them to step in front of you. Once they were in line, he moved back a half step, putting his hand against your back and letting it rest there.

It was the most intimately that he’d ever touched you, and despite reminding yourself that you needed to keep calm, you leaned back and into it, glancing over at him and catching his eye. He didn’t say anything - but he didn’t look away, either. Yeah. I think he feels the same.

—

The four of you sat and ate together - you and Joel on one side of the table and Ellie and Sarah on the other, and for the next twenty minutes, you and Joel barely spoke to each other. It wasn’t that you were silent - instead, the four of you had a conversation, Joel and Ellie going back and forth about some sci-fi thriller that was older than the girl and you and Sarah interjecting when you could.

It felt good - sitting and conversing with them for longer than a few minutes at a time outside of the shop. The Christmas music and brightly colored lights strung around the room only added to the cheerfulness of the atmosphere, as did the scent of cinnamon and spice in the air. But again, you were slightly disappointed that you and Joel weren’t getting time to yourselves. Especially after they made sure we’d come here together.

The room was loud, and admittedly wasn’t the best place to get to know someone. So it’s fine. It’s fine, and … “Hey.” Joel said your name, pulling you out of your thoughts. “Do you wanna get out of here?”

Sarah stopped speaking immediately, her eyes going wide. You caught Ellie elbowing her sharply, but Joel never looked away. “And go where?” What are you …

“There’s a place down the street that’s open late.” He pointed with one finger, keeping his eyes on you. “Great coffee. Even better cake. And -”

“You’re just going to leave us here, Dad?” Sarah blinked slowly, her chin resting on one hand. “We just got here, and -”

“Y’know, after the two of you worked so damn hard to get us here together, the fact that you’d want to hang out with us is kind of surprising.” Ellie snorted, quickly disguising the sound with a cough. “Is this supposed to be a date? Or is this two people with their kids at a Christmas party?”

“A date.” Sarah stood abruptly, staring down at Joel. “Definitely a date. Come on, Ellie. Let’s go and see what’s going on in the other room.” The second girl stood a few seconds later, the smile on her face widening, though you could feel the smirk behind it. “Bye.”

They gathered their trash and beelined it away from you, leaving you and Joel alone at the table again. “Hope you don’t mind. I love my daughter, but I don’t usually make it a point to bring her on first dates.”

“So this is a date.” You leaned against one elbow, tapping a fingertip on the table. “Good to know.”

“Of course it is.” He stood, picking up his plate and glass. “And so is tomorrow.” Joel used his chin to gesture to the main doors. “I was serious about leaving, though. I’ve had about all I can take of We Wish You A Merry Christmas sung by Alvin and the goddamn Chipmunks.”

You laughed hard at that, nodding and standing with him. As the two of you headed for the main bank of trash cans, you tried to compose yourself, catching your breath. I figured he was funny, but that was really funny. You threw everything away, brushing your hands off on your pants as you turned toward the exit. “Joel, before we -”

“Shit.” He swore loudly, one hand on his hip and his gaze directed upward. “Fuckin’ mistletoe.” You looked up, too, wincing when you saw the plant hanging from the ceiling above where you stood. “Of course they put it right there.”

“It’s fine, Joel.” Your heart was thumping at the mere thought of him kissing you, but you didn’t want to expect anything. “We can just pretend we didn’t see it, and go to the …” You trailed off as he moved closer, both of his hands rising, palms settling against your arms. What is he doing? “What are -”

He leaned in, his lips set into a small smile, but instead of aiming for your mouth, Joel took a quick breath and then kissed your cheek, letting it linger. Holy shit, really? “No way in hell I’m kissin’ you for the first time next to a trash can and in front of all these damn people.”

That made you laugh again, but before Joel could pull away from you, you whispered his name and then turned your head, pressing your lips to his cheek in return. He froze, though his fingers tightened on your arms. When you stepped back, you saw shock on his face. Good. Because that’s exactly how I feel, too. “What is a good place for a first kiss, then?” You felt warm - your entire body almost tingling just from his proximity.

“Guess you’ll just have to wait and see.” He recovered and answered quickly, squeezing one bicep before he let go and put more space between you. “Now c’mon. Let’s get out of here before someone else tries to talk to us.”

You had no problem with that request, giving Joel a single nod and then heading for the door, heart still pounding. His phrasing - wait and see - implied that he planned on actually kissing you at some point… and that was something else you had no problem with.

—

It was only a block or so to the place he’d mentioned, and the two of you walked there side by side, Joel’s arm brushing yours.

You both ordered coffee and a dessert, but before you could reach for cash to pay for yours, he set money down, telling the employee to keep the change.

It was quiet in the restaurant - most of the usual clients either already at home or down the street at the party, and that meant you had your pick of places to sit. He let you choose - and when you settled into an overstuffed armchair, Joel dropped onto the one across from you, letting out a sigh.

“I’m not used to that at all.” He gestured with one hand, pointing in the direction of the party you’d just left. “Job sites are easy. I tell people what to do, and they do it. Gettin’ contracts and meetin’ clients is easy, because they tell me what they want and I tell ‘em whether or not I can get it done.” He took a drink of his coffee, pausing. “But that? Hours of small talk and a crowd of people and all the holiday shit?”

“Not a fan of Christmas?” You leaned back in your chair, coffee mug cradled between both hands. “I know a lot of people aren’t.”

“It was hard for a while… with me an’ Sarah?” He frowned, shaking his head. “I wanted to make Christmas special for her, but when she was real little, that wasn’t … I couldn’t always do it. And it’s better now, because me an’ Tommy are actually getting work, but …” Joel looked down, focusing on the table in front of him. “It used to just be us. And I got used to that, to keepin’ to myself, focusing on work and on her and worrying about everything that came next.” When he looked back at you, his eyes were clear, resolve apparent in them. “Didn’t have time for a party like tonight, because it all had to be about her, and both of us survivin’, not small talk.”

“I’m sorry.” You took a drink, too. “I didn’t even think about …”

“Nah, it’s fine. Don’t let me ruin the night.” He cut a piece off of his cake and brought it to his lips, the fork slipping between them. Joel chewed and then smiled at you, rubbing his hand over the top of one thigh. “Like I said, it’s better now. And I’m gettin’ there when it comes to socializin’.”

“Is that why you don’t date much?” You bit the corner off of your pastry, thinking. “Because you don’t like the small talk or the getting to know someone?”

“No, I don’t date because I’m still busy. Between work and Sarah’s sports, it’s hard for me to find time to do things by myself. Bringin’ someone else into that seems unfair.” He leaned closer, shifting in his seat. “But I like this, tonight? This doesn’t bother me.” He sipped again, shrugging. “Maybe it’s because it’s with you, though.”

It blindsided you - the compliment and admission from Joel in the same sentence, said almost nonchalantly. But he’s made comments like that a few times now, and … hmm. “I like it too.” You sighed, looking around the cozy space before settling your gaze back on him. “They were surprised you wanted to leave.” He laughed, the sound low but still incredibly endearing. “In all the years I’ve known Ellie, she’s never pushed me like this with anyone before.”

“She’s a teenager now.” Joel’s smile widened. “Knows what she can get away with. Same with Sarah. I think she’s worried about me bein’ alone next year.” He went quiet then, his expression changing, and you realized - for the first time - that even though you were dreading Ellie leaving for college the following summer, Sarah leaving Joel was probably much more difficult for him to consider.

“You won’t be alone. You’ll have Tommy.” Raising a brow, you took another bite, talking around it. “And I’m sure he’s got some plans for you.”

“You have no idea.” He groaned, swiping a hand over his face. “He’s only 5 years younger than me, but it seems like so much more sometimes.” You didn’t know Tommy too well - he’d been on the outskirts of your friend group for a while, but had drifted away when he turned 18 and enlisted - moving even further away after coming back and joining Joel on job sites. But what you did know was that were Joel was quieter and more practical, Tommy was extroverted and impulsive, more than happy to play the part of uncle and friend to Sarah - and in turn, to Ellie. “What about Ellie? Is she thinkin’ about school?”

“Yeah.” Clearing your throat, you tried to refocus. “She is. She’s nervous about it because all she’s ever known is Austin, but she’s been applying. She’s going on a couple more campus visits in the spring, too. Marlene’s got some contacts in Utah and Colorado, so she’s going up there, but…” You shrugged. “I’m not sure what she’ll choose. Maybe she’ll stay here and go to UT or TSU.”

“Hmm.” He narrowed his eyes, staring at you. “How long’s she been with you? Marlene left what, five years ago?” Nodding, you watched as he tipped his mug back, taking a long drink. “Long time. You’re gonna have a quiet house if she decides to go out of state.”

“Just me and all that fancy wood left.” Grinning, you finished your dessert and then leaned forward, reaching for your napkin. “I’m sure Sarah won’t go far, Joel. She -”

“She’s talkin’ about going out of state, too.” He closed his eyes, taking and holding a deep breath. “Funny enough, she also mentioned Colorado and Utah. I think I even heard Boston in there, but I don’t know who the fuck willingly goes to the East coast to live, so…” He shrugged. “I’ll deal with it when I have to. Can’t keep her locked up forever, right?”

“Right.” Sitting up straight, you let your gaze wander over his face, eyes lingering on his mouth and the way his lips curved upward in the barest hint of a smile. “Can I admit something to you?” He nodded, mimicking your position and leaning forward, his hands hanging between his spread knees. “I ddn’t expect us to talk so much about Ellie and Sarah tonight. I figured they’d come up, but I was looking forward to talking about you, Joel. About you and -”

“That’s what tomorrow’s for.” He rubbed his palms together, the tip of his tongue darting out to wet his lips. “I told you, we’ve got a little bit of a drive. Plenty of time to talk.” He was right, but part of you still felt that there was more opportunity that night with him, even though you knew it was almost time to go home. “What do you want to know?” Scooting forward, he pushed his plate to the side. “I’ve gotta warn you, I’m pretty boring.”

“I doubt that.” Crossing your legs at the ankle, you held up one finger. “I remember you from high school, Joel. There was nothing boring about you.”

“That was also 20 years ago.” He scoffed. “Twenty years and one kid and a hell of a lot of muscle aches ago.” You looked past him and at the clock hanging on the wall, pointing at it.

“Speaking of sleep, It’s almost 10. Do you turn into a pumpkin at any specific time?” His mouth dropped open, Joel spluttering out your name. “I wouldn’t want to be responsible for keeping you out too late.”

“Smart ass.” He rolled his eyes, sighing. “No, but you said you have to work tomorrow morning, so we should probably head out.” He was right, but you didn’t want to agree. Despite the fact that the conversation had only circled the topic of the two of you, it had highlighted something very important: Joel was just as easy to talk to one on one as he was in a public setting. And that’s good. I like that. I like it a lot. “You want me to drive you home, or do you want to walk back and find Ellie an’ Sarah?”

“You.” You answered immediately, standing and gathering your mug and plate. “I’d like you to drive me back, Joel.”

Your answer didn’t seem to surprise him, and only a few minutes later, you were back in his truck, the heat on low and Joel’s jacket tossed into the back seat. “Should I get ready before you come and get me tomorrow, or can I change in the room once we get there?”

“Either’s fine. But if you’re gonna get ready at the hotel, I’ll need to come and get you a little earlier, just so we show up on time.” He sighed, putting the truck into reverse. “There’s a schedule. Dinner’s on there, and they have a toast, and -”

“Oh, so this is fancy. You weren’t joking.”

“No. I wasn’t.” He cleared his throat. “An’ they really like me. The CEO of the hotel company’s going to be there, and she could -”

“Say no more.” Reaching over, you squeezed his knee. “I’ll be ready to go when you pick me up. I promise.” He hummed in approval, pulling onto the main road. Silence filled the cab of the truck, and before you could speak and fill it, your phone vibrated at the same time his center screen lit up, a text message from Sarah sliding in from the top of it. “Oh. Interesting.”

He reached out, pressing the button to read the text, and you raised your phone, eyeing it. Ellie.

It turned out that only one of you needed to check the message, because they both said the exact same thing:

Meeting friends from school at IHOP. I’ll be home before curfew.

“They definitely didn’t plan this.” You wrinkled your nose, turning your head to look at Joel. “It’s definitely not convenient.”

“Of course not.” His hand tightened on the steering wheel, Joel’s sigh loud. “It’s pathetic, right? My seventeen year old kid’s settin’ me up on dates and telling me that she won’t be home til later than me.”

“Not pathetic, no.” You took a few seconds, trying to organize your thoughts. “I’ve only really known her for a couple months, but she’s a really thoughtful kid, Joel. It’s clear she cares about you and wants you to be happy. And,” you continued, leaning closer and dropping your voice. “If she’s anything like Ellie, the idea of accidentally seeing you with someone probably horrifies her, so -”

Joel pulled into your driveway, cutting the engine, though he kept the heat running. “Ellie caught you and some guy?” You hadn’t planned on telling the story, but since you’d brought it up, you figured you had to, groaning as you unbuckled your seatbelt.

“Not like you’re thinking, no.” You had to laugh about it, though at the time it had happened, it had been mortifying. “I went out with a guy about a year ago, and he walked me to my door when he dropped me off.” You leaned back in your seat, crossing your arms over your chest. “We were saying goodnight on the porch, and he just … went for it. I kissed him back because the date had gone reasonably well, but only a couple seconds in, I heard Ellie’s voice through the doorbell camera, and she was … less than enthusiastic.”

You didn’t expect him to laugh as hard as he did at your words. Joel actually leaned forward and covered his face with both hands, elbows resting against the steering wheel. It hadn’t been funny at the time, Ellie’s annoyance clear even through the tinny speaker, and when you’d watched the video back later that night, you’d cringed. You’d been embarrassed but laughed it off, though in the end, Ellie’s interruption had been a good thing. Your date hadn’t found the humor in the situation, and he’d stopped returning your texts a day or so afterward. No loss there.

“Bet you’ll never kiss another man on your front porch again.” He was still chuckling when he swiveled his head toward you. “Or if you do, you’ll disable the camera first.”

“No. I think Ellie learned a valuable lesson about checking the camera when she knows I’m coming home with someone.” You pointed at the door. “However, I think that if you and I were to walk up to that door right now, they’d both be watching to see if their little plan worked.”

“That might be a worse first kiss than next to a trash can and in front of a hundred people.” He sighed, tapping his palm against the wheel. You let your eyes wander over your front yard - the lights strung through the bushes and around the front windows and door, brightly colored bulbs casting a cheerful glow over everything. “But what if that wasn’t the first one?”

“What?” Turning your body in the seat so that you were angled toward him, you eyed Joel with some curiosity. How wouldn’t that be the first one? “Joel?”

“Ain’t ideal in the truck, but …” He shifted, too, unlocking his seatbelt and then leaning his elbow against the steering wheel. “Shit. I haven’t done this in a long fuckin’ time.”

He didn’t move, though - no closer, no further away; the man simply stayed put, watching you. “Was… was that you asking if I wanted you to kiss me, Joel?” You found it hard to believe that he’d be so hesitant. Any man that looked like Joel including Joel likely would have had women lining up for the opportunity, and yet there he was, parked in your driveway and waiting. “Because if it was, then yes. I’d like that.”

There was no reason to deny it. You were out with him, you were alone in his truck, and the two of you had been flirting back and forth all night. “Good.”

He said the single word and then moved closer, Joel’s arm lifting from the steering wheel, that hand rising to the side of your face so that he could tilt it back. His fingertips slid over your cheek, thumb beneath your chin - and when you heard him say your name, the sound quiet, you finally closed your eyes, leaning in.

Joel kissed you softly - the press of his lips firm but somehow reserved at the same time. And you let him - humming at the contact and reaching one hand out. It slid up the back of his arm and stopped there, his skin warm beneath the soft material of his shirt.

There was no zing of connection, no electric current that shot through your body at the touch of his lips to yours… but there was a feeling of contentment, your body unconsciously leaning in toward his while you continued to kiss him, fingers firmly holding his arm.

He didn’t pull away from you, prolonging the kiss after inhaling through his nose, and when Joel’s hand moved back, palm cradling your head, you sighed against his lips. That was an invitation for him, Joel groaning and parting his lips against yours. You felt his tongue press against them briefly, followed by light pressure as he closed both of his around your lower one, but that was as far as he took it.

Backing away, Joel took a deep breath, though he didn’t move his hand and his eyes were focused on your face, the man waiting for your response. Did that happen? Did that just … “Hey, Joel?” You took a breath and held it, your hand dropping from his arm to his thigh. “I’m glad you waited to do that.”

He visibly relaxed, his expression going from apprehensive to a wide smile. “Yeah?” You nodded, feeling his fingers tighten briefly before he let you go. “Me too. There was more you wanted to say, but before you could, he gestured to the front of your house, sighing. “It’s gettin’ late. Let me walk you in?”

As the two of you headed for the door, Joel once again put his hand on your back, staying close. Part of you wanted to invite him in; to sit with him on your couch with only the glow of the tree illuminating the room. But that’s too forward. We’ve kissed once, and Ellie will be home soon, and … “I had fun tonight, Joel.” You stopped on your porch, digging through your bag for your keys. “Thanks for asking me.”

“‘Course.” He smiled again, sticking his hands into his front pockets and leaning against the side of your house. “We good?”

“We are.” Holding up your keys, you nodded. “I’ll see you later?” He agreed, pulling his hands free and then stepping forward, sliding one arm around your waist and then the other around your shoulders. You hugged him back, turning your head so that you could get closer. If you’re watching, Ellie, I hope you’re happy. “Goodnight, Joel.” Murmuring the words, you squeezed him and then let go, meeting his eyes one more time. “Get home safe.”

He assured you he would before he turned away from you, heading back for the truck and giving you one final look at the way the material of his flannel stretched over his broad shoulders. “Shit.” You rubbed at the bridge of your nose with the hand not holding your keys, and when his lights turned on, the truck backing out of the driveway soon after, you turned away and unlocked the door.

You were halfway inside when you heard her voice, the girl’s disappointment evident even through the small speaker. “Shoulda kissed him.” I knew it.

“Aren’t you eating pancakes right now?” Leaning back so that you could look at the doorbell, you raised a brow. “Don’t you have better things to -”

“I can eat and spy on you at the same time.” She laughed and so did you, but Ellie cut you off quickly. “I’ll be home soon. We’re leaving in a few and I just have to drop Sarah off on the way.”

“I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.” She didn’t reply again, and when you shut the door a few seconds later, you locked it and then sagged back against the wood, closing your eyes.

All things considered, your date with Joel had been damn near perfect … and you had another one to look forward to the following night.

---

Part 3

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #pedro pascal #pedrostories secret santa #pedrostories #pedrostoriesgift2023 #pedro pascal character #no outbreak au #pedro pascal masterlist #joel miller masterlist #snow and mistletoe

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olderthannetfic · 7 months

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My experiences with DreamWidth fandom spaces are the same as my experiences with DreamWidth RP: a lot of people talk about wanting more people to post, missing the old days, and disliking fandom puritanism, but don't interact with others much and, when someone disagrees with them, decide that this is the end of the world. I've seen people in DWRP angry at other people for disagreements from up to 12 years ago. I've seen people in DW fandom spaces vaguepost about specific people they're mad at for disagreeing with them from up to 8 years ago. Neither reaction makes me go, "Ah, yes, this is where I want to hang out", because I just don't fucking care. When someone confronts me about traumatizing them because I said I didn't find X character as engaging as Y or I think it's possible Character A is bi and not gay/lesbian default and it's been 5 years, my first thought is almost always, "I'm sorry, who?" and not, "OMG I feel so bad let me apologize for this!" Not apologizing doesn't go over well, so it's off to gossip to their friends in DMs and on other sites about how someone else totally said this, that and the other thing too and it was super mean.

IDK, maybe I'm just old (I did just turn 30) but I look at this kind of drama and all I can think is, "I don't care and I don't have the energy to engage with this." It doesn't help that I meet people on DW who are self-identified fandom olds (usually that means they're 40-ish) who complain about yaoi fangirls/"fujoshits" and call female characters who've had multiple sexual partners "cockhops" and assume anyone writing f/f is a "neckbeard". This is still less sensitive than antis are, but there's still a lot of moralizing things you don't like and reading into what someone writes in order to judge them as a person.

Between that and the very low level of overall engagement it kind of feels not worth it? I'm not seeing what the benefit is. Making fandom friends is fairly difficult on DW and when you do, losing them is as easy as not having seen something, not liking a pairing or not caring about something (contentious canons, especially). I'm sure someone's having a great time but to me it's sort of like shouting into the void, except sometimes the void calls you a fujoshit neckbeard and never elaborates on how that'd work.

DW's moment as a potential community hub has come and gone, in my opinion. Now, it's just the people who can't hack it on other platforms plus some legacy uses that DW is good for that other sites aren't.

I did make more of an effort to make fetch happen in the past, but it became apparent that a lot of the people who are primarily on DW are not people I want to make that effort for. I've got a couple of old friends still hanging out there because they like very text-based internet stuff, and good for them, but overall... yeah... the vibe just isn't that great a lot of the time.

I used to advocate getting a DW just to have a place to link your other social media in case your tumblr is suddenly deleted due to mysterious tumblr enforcement shenanigans... but honestly, I could probably use my AO3 profile for that just as well.

I'm glad DW is still around, and I hope it continues to be. I don't regret my seed account. But it's just not something I use actively in the 2020s.

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luimagines · 3 months

Note

HI PINKY ! 🎻 Anon here ✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧

My finals went overall quite well! (Except for one final but my overall grade was still fine so we're all good) I did end up having my ceiling of my room collapse though! (⁠ノ⁠｀⁠Д⁠´⁠)⁠ノ⁠彡⁠┻⁠━⁠┻ Gotta love landlords that refuse to do proper house maintenance on century old homes. So right before finals had my ceilings collapse, then had finals while stuck sleeping in the living room (to be fair the couch was comfy but the whole setup is less than ideal), and then literally the evening after my last final flew out to literal other side of the planet for college visits. So needless to say I've been rather tired recently! It's been fun though and I also got to see some family that I rarely see again so that was nice. BUT! I finally have the mental bandwidth to send in an ask again. So enough with the dramatic rambling about my life I have more ideas about the human hero reader I thought of!

So! I learned just the other day that an army captain is actually kinda low rank. (At least in the US military, can't speak to other systems) And you usually get there within like 4 years of your career as an officer. And if Wars is around 24-26ish (at least that's how old I usually imagine him since he's one of the older members of the group but not like OLD) and he would have started his time in the military as like a 17-18 year old, buddy boy would actually be behind on his career. (Stick with me this will all come together I swear!)

So I imagine human hero reader (I'm calling them hh!reader for my sanity to specify from here on out for my sanity) ended up getting pulled into the military after saving Hyrule. They really don't like being there, but the royal family of that time doesn't really give reader a choice. I'd imagine them most likely being a very low rank enlisted soldier. (If you require explanations for anything just let me know. I am more than happy to explain and understand most people haven't been raised around this stuff) But because reader didn't want to join the military in the first place and Warriors is one of the MOST wary member of the chain they would probably butt heads quite a bit. I imagine reader with an attitude of while they're usually a very nice person to be around they can hold a strong grudge and aren't afraid to tell someone if they're being an idiot. Not something that goes over well in the military. So reader probably targets at least some of that frustration to the resident military man. And something that would be rather easy to go for is that fact that he still hasn't been promoted. This would probably devolve into him telling them that they suck as a soldier until reader snaps and said they never had any choice in the matter and they storm off. Probably one of the their merry little band would go after reader. I think Sky might be best since he's a knight himself so he'd have a better idea what they were going through. Wind would also be an interesting option especially if it's after the whole "We're the same since we both made the active decision to save Hyrule!" moment. Both are good chances at bonding. Oh yeah I guess it's relevant that I see reader at an older teen age, like 16-17. Yay sibling dynamics (I say this like my only younger sibling doesn't drive me up a wall). I'll prolly add more later but I am tired. And I have a relatively early morning tomorrow.

Hope this was coherent but I actually had motivation for once so I went for it. If any clarification is needed just ask. Make sure to drink water and eat a snack! Self care is important to help prevent burnout. Have a lovely week. Good day/evening) ┌⁠|⁠o⁠^⁠▽⁠^⁠o⁠|⁠┘⁠♪ See you maybe once I've slept and ate. Bye!!

Oh, I thought you going to go the path of Reader outranking Warrior and him not being able to do anything about it. ^.^*

It reminded me of that one post for Marvel where Tony got excited because Rhodey, being Colonel, outranked Steve and could tell him what to do.

I'd imagine if Warrior pulled out the whole "you suck as a soldier" Wild would have to push back a bit because if they suck, what does that make him? He died! Hello? At least Reader had something going for them. They still won in the end with minimal loses on their side.

Wild lost everyone.

So what does Warrior actually think of him then?

#pinky replies #human! reader #hero! reader #put the man in a corner #trap him in his own words

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robotlesbianjavert · 5 months

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Why do you think the makima reveal worked while the afo-tenko reveal didn't?

let me share an anecdote of me reading chainsaw man as part one was rolling. upon the release of chapter 71: bath. man makima has been really hot and sexy but also very sketchy and ambiguous this entire series i wonder what she obviously has planned for denji. but look denji is prioritizing his friendship and care for power over deluding himself into thinking he can has a real chance with a woman like makima, as many teenage boys delude themselves into thinking. whatever she's planning it doesn't matter because friendship and found family trumps all! me reading chapters 81: paw & 82: always eat a hearty breakfast, as they came out. i'm ending it all.

like honestly, part of the reason that the makima reveal works so well is that it's much more integrated into the story. obviously denji is the main character focused on throughout the entire story, and his developing dynamic with makima is highlighted throughout. but my experience, as i followed the story, was so focused on thinking about "what does makima have planned" that i missed the enormity of what she'd already done.

not only do we spend more time with that dynamic, but it's also so well entwined with the overall ideas of the story. one of things i love csm part one for is how tightly written it is - fujimoto had a strong idea of what he wanted to do from beginning to end. while i'm sure there was some massaging and diversion throughout the actual creation, i think it's apparent that fujimoto knew what he wanted to do with the characters and what he wanted to say with the story. one theme that is present throughout is what quality of life denji desires, how the standards for a satisfactory life keeps escalating as denji has more life experiences, as he fulfills more goals and has to find something new to satisfy him.

and that's directly entwined with makima's plans for denji - to satisfy his idea of a happy life, escalate that standard, and break him by taking it all away. that's baked into his relationships with aki, power, pochita, everyone - it's the central conceit of the entire story. it's very on the nose, and also one of the most engaging takes on a protagonist's relationship with his villainous pseudo-parental figure.

and basically. we know that makima's intentions for denji are sketchy all along, but it's difficult to deduce what exactly her plans are. then you learn, it's so much deeper and more horrible than expected, and it actively enriches the story, it's organically thematic. the kind of thing that made me immediately reread csm from the beginning with this knowledge in mind.

in comparison to shigaraki, while one of the if not theeeee central character, is still an antagonist/deuteragonist. he is cruelly forced to split share panel time with deku and bakugou and all might and whoever else, and accordingly we spend a lot less time specifically with shigaraki & afo than we do denji & makima. this isn't a bad thing - look at how much discussion shigaraki and afo's relationship has generated throughout the years, because what matters is what details are shared about them and how. you can say a lot about a story with very little!

i think it's also a matter of how expectations for each plotline were set up - with makima and denji, you know she's plotting, but you don't really know in which direction, why, how, what, etc. the tidbits you can meaningfully speculate off of aren't enough to come up with something better than what fujimoto had planned. i had simply carelessly thought she needed denji loyal to her for Whatever reason, not that she was going to dig so deeper into what we as readers knew about his past.

in comparison to bnha. listen remember way back when a big selling point for bnha's writing was for how it apparently subverted superhero and shonen tropes without being a grimdark deconstruction like idk. the boys or something. ultimately the problem there is that bnha only gets so far into that subversion before snapping right back to the norm of those genres, ie rah rah heroes so cool villains so vile whatever.

so with afo and shigaraki specifically. like for one, we know from basically the start that afo fucked with shigaraki's history in one way or another. he knew tenko was nana's grandkid, he conveniently was around when tenko was wandering helplessly through the streets. and when we know that from the get go, there's only so much you can to that before it gets a bit much. in comparison to where the twist with makima is that she didn't directly impact denji's past, but has enough knowledge of it to manipulate him in the present.

so when we get the "afo is possessing shigaraki" plotline in the PLF raid is less "WHOA who could have seen that coming" and more "ugh. so we're going there?"

the care that denji also had for aki and power is also both 100% organic on denji's part, while still being intended by makima, which is meant to make her manipulations hit that much harder (and also why things got tripped up with power. denjipower real forever). while with shigaraki and the league we as readers are in this weird grey area? afo is trying to lay claim to all of shigaraki's choices and development, which extends ambiguously to his relationship with the league, but the closest we get to afo actually using this against shigaraki is him overloading spinner with quirks? which can still screw afo over - after all, spinner certainly didn't wake up kurogiri the way that afo intended! i am holding onto that! but it still leaves the league as "collateral" throughout the manipulations in comparison to aki and power.

also like. i just want to know more about afo & shigaraki's relationship. we see the sum of makima & denji's relationship throughout the series, but afo & shigaraki's is left to either backstory, vague implication, or comical evil in the present. it's not that the story needs to show us a bunch of sappy shit, but it would also hit harder if we saw more of that emotional enmeshment, more reason to shigaraki to trust and respect afo that wasn't Obvious Evil, to make that betrayal an actual betrayal rather than a. yeah of course afo, obviously evil and manipulative man, would do all of that.

and going back to expectations. it was just cooler when there was more subversive expectations. like afo doing the mentor sacrifice at the kamino fight, letting shigaraki and crew get away and accepting the end of his era in favour of shigaraki's, versus all might who was still struggling with letting go of his legacy and handing it off to deku, something affirmed when toshinori, in his all might get up, visited an imprisoned afo who by all accounts was cool with shigaraki doing his own thing. until he wasn't? idk.

i guess basically. where csm succeeded with the makima reveal is that it showed a clarity of vision and foreplanning. bnha failed because it didn't enrich what was already there, pounded on what was already apparent in in cartoonish ways, and every alternative interpretation of the relationship was more engaging and original, and it's basically a clumsy shortcut to some of the things that horikoshi wants to say but simplified so that he can push his rah rah heroes so cool agenda.

also makima was innately sexy through all of that. while afo is my chewable barbie doll. it be what it be.

i feel like i had more to say but i sat on this too long and when crazy. again, it be what it be.

#bnha bloggin #csm bloggin

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tswhiisftteedr · 2 months

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Hello You could do one of Adam (top) x male reader bottom top, with Adam having gay panic, with the reader being the submissive but at the same time the active one.

Gay Panic ☆ Oneshot

Adam x Winner!Male!Reader:

After encountering the first man himself at a heaven party, you find yourself being in quite the confrontational scenario. Will Adam come to terms to the reason behind his jerkiness towards you? And will you get something out of this originally annoying encounter? Only time will tell…

Words: 2354

Warnings: Mature Content, Explicit/Graphic Language, No sex but very much graphic description of a sexual fantasy, Homophobia & Internalized Homphobia, Adam forced realizing he likes man, Bad writing, NOT PROOFREAD.

Note: So I don’t do male reader smut(amab, trans ftm reader is fine tho) so this doesn’t have sex per say but it’s basically reader being a horny little shit and telling Adam how they want to be fucked by him or how they jerked off to the thought of him, so it’s graphic but no actual sex. Also I went for a winner instead of a sinner.

Author Note: I took a big break from writing so idk if my style changes or I got better/worst, so I hope you guys still like it.

☆ more under the cut. ☆

It had been a little while since you passed through the big gate in the sky—less than a year, but more than a month.

Truthfully, life up here had been pretty cushy. After all, it’s heaven; it’s supposed to be. But this surpassed all your expectations about the ‘good version of the afterlife.’ Everything was just so heavenly.

In addition to the comfortable living arrangements, life in heaven was genuinely fun, especially the parties. You might have thought a place devoid of all earthly substances would be dull, but it turned out to be amazing. Sure, the vibe was different from your standard 20th-century terrestrial party, but it was no less enjoyable.

One noticeable change was the attention you received from the ladies at these events. Your striking looks, overall charm, and handsome personality made you irresistible to any damsel, whether on earth or high in the heavens.

Though you didn't return the sentiment, as you leaned more towards men in terms of attraction, it never stopped the feminine crowd from fawning over you or the jealous ‘dude bros’ from pestering you. Beauty really is a curse, huh?

Speaking of ‘dude bros’, the biggest one was currently approaching you with an angry stomp as you stood in your secluded corner, sipping a virgin piña colada after finally escaping your female admirers.

He looked rather pissed off, and from what you’d heard about him and his entitled personality, you had a pretty good idea why he was so infuriated.

"You think you're some hotshot or something?" Adam spat out as he towered over you, his gold-tinged eyes narrowed into slits.

"Excuse me, what?" You questioned THE Man, feigning surprised at his sudden appearance despite the fact he was making a very obvious beeline towards you a second ago.

"Yeah, you heard me. Just because you’ve got some bitches flocking around like fleas makes you think you’re a big deal or something." He grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and scoffing.

"But let me tell you the truth, assface, you're not. You're just some little guy who, at the end of the day, is nothing compared to the big dick in charge—me, Adam!" He leaned in closer, practically in your face, and let out a chuckled, though it sounded rather hollow—a desperate attempt to mask his envy.

He eyed the piña colada in your hand with disdain, watching your facial expression, waiting for an answer.

"Oh, then why did you walk up to me all red, hot, and bothered? If it isn’t jealousy towards me, then maybe... it could be that.. you want me, Adam. Is that it? Does the first man want to touch me?" You stepped closer, getting in his face now. "To fuck me." You traced your fingers up your body to accentuate your words then moved to lightly sliding them down his chest as you continued, "Because I wouldn’t be opposed to it; taking that dick of yours, letting you ravage my body as your sexy guitarist's hands get to explore every inch of mine, letting you stroke my cock, and finally, cumming together—your hot semen deep inside my tight ass. Well, that doesn't sound like a bad way to end a Friday night."

You could see his brain short-circuiting—he wanted to maintain his toxic alpha male facade, but your description of the potential intercourse had him feeling really hot.

After gathering himself, he finally shot out a: "Fuck you, that's gay," before basically running away, his face still beaming red, and his below-the-belt area definitely not opposed to the proposed evening.

You snickered to yourself and enjoyed the rest of the night as you pleased.

A week had passed since that party, and today was your first day at the Bureau of Heavenly Affairs. Sure, working in heaven wasn’t necessary at all—it was completely voluntary—but for some reason, helping Heaven with its legislation seemed like a fulfilling way to spend your afterlife. And worst-case scenario, you could quit with no repercussions.

So while there was some slight underlying anxiousness, you were confident in yourself—after all, you had passed the interview with flying colors! You were ready for everything—well, except coming face to face once more with that egotistical yet devilishly handsome piece of shit known as Adam.

During your first meeting, he had come out of nowhere to berate you because he was feeling insecure and jelly. Therefore, you wondered how he would react to seeing you in this setting and, more importantly, how he would react after realizing you were not a visitor but a new coworker.

Your bets were on the negative, and you were right. As soon as he spotted you, he came straight over, demanding answers in a very angry tone. Though it didn’t escape your notice that he did a blushing double-take after recognizing you before he eventually approached.

"Why the hell are you here?"

Without batting an eye, you replied, "Well, you're looking at this Bureau’s newest employee. Figured I'd help y'all run this place a bit more smoothly. i happen to be quite could when it comes to legislation, so might as well put my talents to good use, right? You're welcome."

Adam stared at you for a moment, looking like he couldn't form a response, probably because confronting you at a party in a drunken haze was one thing, but this was entirely different. Despite him being your superior in a professional environment, your actually professionalism compare to his half-assed one, clearly threw him off balance.

Gasping for air, he finally uttered, "Well I don’t want you here, I never gave you the permission to work here. Who do you think you..." His voice trailing off, Adam appeared to be in a state of disarray.

"Easy there, champ. I was interviewed by Sera herself. She thought my skillset was perfectly aligned with what the Bureau needed and decided to give me a chance. I guess the big boss lady had faith in my abilities and that count’s for way more than what you might or might not want," you interjected, raising an eyebrow and folding your arms, mimicking his previous stance.

Seeing a hint of red creep back into Adam's cheeks, you couldn't help but feel a surge of inner satisfaction. After all, he was the one who made a scene at the party and approached you today, and now he had to swallow his pride, possibly realizing that you were, in fact, untouchable in this environment.

As the tension between the two of you ebbed, Adam slowly regained his composure, although his resistance was still evident. "Fine. Whatever, make sure you don't fuck up, or there will be consequences." He returned to his office, not meeting your gaze and leaving you with a smirk on your lips.

Time passed by quickly as work ensued, you adjusting seamlessly into the bureaucracy, and, as expected, Adam's constant snide comments and micromanaging became part of your daily routine.

What was less expected, however, was the way his attitude shifted mere seconds after every encounter. As if invisible forces of shame and lust clung to him, haunting him long after your interactions. Wordlessly, Adam began to find excuses to approach you, always lingering for far too long, unable to keep his gaze from sweeping on your body.

From your point of view, he was constantly looking at you, and why he was behaving this way—you were not quite sure.

Surely he didn’t view you as a threat anymore when it came to women, so why was he acting like that? You entertained the idea that maybe that jackass, instead of being completely infuriated with you, was perhaps just into you.

It was almost laughable to think about: Adam, first man and number one dirtbag, who loved to boast about how much ‘pussy he crushes’, having a little crush (or at least a sexual attraction) on you—absolutely grotesque.

Well, that’s what you had thought for the longest time. But as unpredictable as things always were, your notion of reality was shattered just a couple of months into the job.

Today was the first work party you had decided to attend. There had been a few over the last four months, but each time, you just didn’t feel like going.

The party setting brought back a surge of memories, especially about a certain attending guest. You sighed to yourself just thinking about it, then give your attention back to your surroundings.

The room swarmed with laughter and the sounds of clinking glasses as employees mingled, sharing stories from work and enjoying the festivities. Despite the atmosphere, you clung to the edge of the dance floor, pretending to enjoy your non-alcoholic drink while observing from afar.

Adam, as the centerpiece of attention, lounged in the middle of the unit, his 'followers' hanging onto his every word. It didn't take long for him to spot you, and in an instant, he abandoned his conversation, stalking towards you with the swagger of the peacock that he was.

"It's too bad, really. I was hoping I wouldn't have to see your ugly mug and that you would've skipped tonight's party just like the others." he sneered, towering over you.

"Isn't it funny how things works." you replied, smirking without taking your eyes off him.

He rolled his eyes at your sarcasm and attempted to assert his dominance. "Still the same cocky attitude, huh? Well, listen up, because I'm saying it again. You better stay in your little corner and keep to yourself like your currently doing, I don’t want your fucking anything up tonight, or I'll make it my personal mission to punish you for it.." He leaned closer, trying to intimidate you.

But this time, you weren't ready to let his aggressive moves slide. You placed your glass on a nearby table, locking eyes with him, and speaking in a low, sensual voice, "Oh, is that so, big man? Hmm? I do wonder what kind of punishment someone like you would inflict on poor little ol’ me, especially considering how much of an eccentric asshole you are." You begin to transition to a more serious tone. "I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if it’s something along the lines of a ‘private talk’ in that soundproof office of yours, or perhaps public humiliation." You then jump back into a teasing tone. "Oh yeah, that would get your rocks off for sure. Now listen here, pal. I don’t know why you have so much beef with me. I do my job and leave you the fuck alone, but somehow you always come by to be a little shit to me. It almost makes me wonder if you actually want me." Then, back to sensual. "Is that it? Do you have some kind of insatiable desire for me you're harboring deep down inside?”

A dashing blush spread across his cheeks, revealing the truth beneath the façade. Though he didn't respond immediately, you could see the veins in his neck twitching, hinting at the internal turmoil raging within him.

Finally, his voice came out strained, "Fuck you, I'm not like you."

"Like me?" you raised an eyebrow. "What could you ever mean by that, 'Adam'?" You inquired, placing special emphasis on his name, pronounced with a sultry tone.

"You know what I mean, you little bitch.” He says, pauses, then let’s out, “Gay. You’re fucking gay is what I mean.”

Totally unimpressed, you reply, “Yes, I’m gay. I thought we already went over that the day we met.” You roll your eyes.

“But then, what does that make you? You keep insisting that you're not, so what’s the reason behind your constant pestering? And I won’t accept just a ‘I don’t like you’ because your ass has been not only annoying but also permanently looking at me since I started working here. Even when you’re in your office, I can see you glancing through the blinds. So, what are you if not gay as fuck for me?” you question in a determined manner.

Adam's cheeks flushed deeper, the rage that usually bubbled up in him hampered by the your words. Your challenge, struck a nerve he had worked tirelessly to hide.

His voice was weak when he reluctantly answered, "I don’t know, you’re just annoying and kind of a...pussy," he managed to spit out before clenching his jaw and looking away in disgust.

You couldn't help but chuckle softly at his reaction, your voice deepening as you spoke. "Really, is that all that the ‘First Man’ gots to say?"

Adam's fists clenched and unclenched involuntarily, a gaze drifting over your body as your chest heaved with every breath you took. The syrup-like richness of your voice dripped through the gaps of his metal-tough facade, exposing cracks that could never be fully mended.

Your smirk broadened, your assertiveness leaving no room for denial. You knew you had him stuck and while you mentally processed that he did, actually, want you—what a shocker, first man wants some dick.

At that, you take a deep breath and gamble, “Listen, asshole, I’ll let you pound my ass in right now if you admit that you want me and apologize for how you’ve treated me so far.”

“Fuck you, I ain’t apologizing for shit,” Adam instinctively retorts, though he doesn't deny your offer.

“What was that?” you warn.

“I said I ain’t apologizing,” he repeats, and with that, you respond, “I guess I’ll just see myself off then. Guess you really didn’t want to fuck me.”

With that, Adam lets out a huff, then quickly says, “Yes, I want you, and I’m sorry for being an ass.” followed by an exasperated “You fucking happy now?!”

“Yes, very. Though we will need to work on that language of yours.” you reply teasingly and grab one of his wrists, dragging him into a random vacant room, which coincidentally happens to be his soundproof office. ‘How lucky is that?’

Let’s just say, as soon as that door closed, clothes were off, and you two did way more than have a ‘private talk.’

Thanks anons for requesting!

©tswhiisfttedr. dn translate, or plagiarize.

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agentrouka-blog · 4 months

Note

It's weird how often Catelyn's virginity comes up in the books (LF telling the entire court for years that he took her maidenhead to the point where the Lannister brothers use it to downplay her vritue and honor .... disgusting man). I wonder how that is going to come into play with Sansa, since she now knows that Baelish believed he slept with Cat but actually took Lysa's virginity. Also crazy that one man's word has this much reach :(

What I find interesting is how irrelevant it ultimately is. No one is running a big smear campaign maligning the morals of the Tullys and the North or laughing at Ned. The biggest leverage that Littlefinger gets out of it is underscoring the level of trust and influence he may have over them. Catelyn is aghast at the moment Tyrion brings it up but doesn't spare it much thought beyond that.

So GRRM is introducing this idea not for itself but for the overall concept.

Sansa isn't shocked when she hears this or reflects on it later, either.

You said it was my mother you loved. But of course Lady Catelyn was dead, so even if she had loved Petyr secretly and given him her maidenhood, it made no matter now. (ASOS, Sansa VI)

Really, it reveals something about the flexibility of social mores in the right context. If pregnancy isn't an issue, a lady's virtue is mostly a matter of individual opinion. If everyone agrees it doesn't matter, then it doesn't matter. If someone takes issue with it, it gains importance. The same subject comes up for Sansa with Mya Stone, for whom this lost virtue is more of an issue because of her bastard status and how public she was about her attachment to Mychel Redfort.

Brune would be a good match for a bastard girl like Mya Stone, she thought. It might be different if her father had acknowledged her, but he never did. And Maddy says that she's no maid either. [...] Mychel Redfort was the one. [...] Mychel was the best young swordsman in the Vale, and gallant . . . or so poor Mya thought, till he wed one of Bronze Yohn's daughters. Lord Horton gave him no choice in the matter, I am sure, but it was still a cruel thing to do to Mya."

This is, incidentally, the exact same scenario that Cat knew would come to pass back in AGOT, also not judging Mya. Cat never judged Lysa for her mystery affair, either. And, fittingly, neither girl withholds sympathy for Mya in this. Nor does Sansa judge Myranda for her affair with Marillion. Love and pleasure both are justification enough.

(Meanwhile, she doesn't make the argument to Littlefinger's molestation that it's immoral in terms of sexual conduct, but that he's a) married, and b) could have been her father, and c) pleading to be left alone.)

I think this is less important in and of itself than in what it implies about Sansa's view of sexual virtue, which is a great deal more liberal than some might expect in a world where physical virginity is officially prized and the mere act of copulation has the legal power to determine the validity of a marriage.

This is the same book where Margaery is subjected to a physical examination of her maidenly status - which everyone understands to be ridiculously devoid of sense, as a "maidenhead" is vulnerable to all kinds of physical activities, such as horseriding. But it becomes evidence in a case of high treason (adultery) where physical virtue is tied to matters of state.

The tension between official and legal expectations of virtue and tacit acceptance of indulgence - duty and love/desire - is likely to continue to play a role in Sansa's arc, and both in the sense of temptation and indulgence, and in the sense of hypocritical legal technicalities rearing their head.

#sexuality in asoiaf #virginity in asoiaf #sansa stark #littlefinger #marriage in asoiaf #catelyn stark

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mcytblr-archive · 7 months

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Early MCYTblr Interviews: Anonymous

our interviewee today is the anonymous author of the "SBI Crit Post". he's asked to both remain anonymous and not to be sought out; he's been incredibly helpful and polite through this entire interview process, and i would ask you all to leave any residual feelings you may have from that time at the door. If you think you remember who posted it, please keep it to yourself. that said, let's begin!

Q: Before we begin talking about the ‘Crit Post’, I’d love to hear what your experience of MCYTblr was like before it was posted. Do you have any standout memories from this time?

A: Not particularly. There's some things that I guess looking back on nowadays is kind of wild, like how in the groups I was running in, shipping of any kind that wasn't DNF was super frowned upon (as in, I trigger tagged for IRL shipping)…but truthing wasn't really? Or, how back then the lines between 'critblr' and main mcytblr were super fuzzy. I hung out with both groups before the Crit Post to no issue. Oh!!! And this is a wonderful piece of MCYTblr lore that you may not know, but when I posted the Crit Post, I was apart of a MCYT art exchange themed after MCC called MC Creatives. I think it only happened once, and I can't exactly remember who ran it. They were a really nice DNF (? or just DTeam) blogger. I think it's cool to see that even back then the community was pretty tight knit and had overarching community activities like we see today. It's interesting to me that our fandom has missed out on some of the more important parts to being a fandom… not many big bangs, only one or two that I know of. It's very sad, but we are a weird fandom in general, and definitely a Modern Fandom, if you understand what I mean by that LOL. There is one memory that does stick out, completely irrelevant to this interview though. The fake Dreambur meetup. I pulled an all nighter for it. I was shaking. I drew fanart (though never posted it). Everyone was hysterical. And then it was faked and everyone went WHAT.

Q: As you let me know in your dms, you were the user who made the original “SBI Crit Post”. Would you mind giving a quick rundown of what it was exactly, for anyone who may not know?

A: I would, but frankly I barely remember anything about it. It was like… I saw someone being like "weird that we aren't as critical of SBI as we are of DT" and I thought, "Well, I can probably try?" and made shit up. It was nonsense. I can't even remember what I said about Philza. The points against the others were "Tommy is too young to be in this business" "Wilbur queerbaits" and… "Technoblade needs to be less honest about his ADHD he's glorifying it" or something like that. Again, it was nonsense at its best.

Q: What was your reasoning at the time for making the post? Did the overall culture around you play a part in it?

A: Here's the part no one knows: At the time of posting, I was 13 by maybe… one, two, or three weeks. And I'd spent almost the entirety of my time as a 12 year old in a community that was like "we need to be Critical of our Favorite Creators because this is Righteous and the Only Good Way To Engage With MCYT" and I was like "Everyone here is older than me and therefore endlessly smarter than me," and therefore just accepted it. You can see it very clearly in the part that was "critical" of Wilbur Soot. He was queerbaiting for what? Acting like he wanted to kiss men? Dressing nice? Ridiculous! But if we called Dream a queerbaiter (and never GNF, because everyone was convinced he was gay), then I thought surely Wilbur Soot could also be a queerbaiter! This made total sense to baby 13 year old me. It's not fair to really call that indoctrination: it's not like I was falling down an alt-right pipeline or anything. I was just a stupid kid with too much internet access who liked minecraft and knew nothing about like Dan & Phil or Septiplier (kind of thing that would make me suspicious of this activity--especially truthing). I thought I was fufilling some honor by saying "and yes, my favorite minecraft boys aren't without fault either!" The people that stayed friends with me after that… some of them were my closest normal non-Critblr friends, who refused to abandon me (shout out to you guys you know who you are), and the rest were the people in Critblr who were… okay with my behavior.

Q: I understand that the backlash to the post was very intense– what was it like from your perspective? Did it have any affect on you?

A: Lots. Lots and lots and lots. I lost a bunch of my close friends who weren't okay with what I'd said or how I'd doubled down, and it really messed with me as a kid in the middle of quarantine. There were times where I genuinely considered hurting myself irreperably as either a way to "apologize for what I had done" or just a way to stop worrying that everyone I knew was going to block me one day. Those feelings lasted for a long time, I still struggle with them to this day, over three years later (? I think). And I was kind of lead to believe that was an okay response. I recieved asks the night that it all went down where I was told I should hurt myself. Of course my own behavior wasn't cool, but neither was that. I know there was a post out there by a popular (at the time?) Technoblade blogger that detailed the faults in that post, but I never read it. All I knew about it was that people saw it, and harassed me because they saw it, and that the OP of that post hated me. It got to the point that seeing that blogger's URL caused me to have panic attacks, a ridiculous thing because that blogger as far as I know never actually did anything wrong. I don't know. Every once in awhile, someone in the server I'm in (hi some of you are definitely reading this :3 i love you guys) will bring up the post in passing and I'll have to mute the channel for 24 hours because I'm scared. Or even when we're discussing normal drama, if something feels too close to the Crit Post, or like it might come up, I'll get shaky and nauseous and have to mute the channel for 24 hours. It's weird, the shit being told to kill yourself because you did something dumb as a 13 year old can do to you.

Q: As a follow-up: What, if anything, do you wish had happened instead?

A: I don't know really. I guess the obvious answer is "I didn't make the post" or "I didn't double down", but I think the real answer has to be that I wish the community I was in hadn't taught me that what I was doing was an okay move.

Q: Do you have anything else to add about the Crit Post, MCYTblr, or the community as a whole?

A: Not really. I "retired" from MCYTBlr in I think 2022, but kept a passing interest in it for a long time, and I'm still active in a discord (hi again) comprised entirely of fans and retired fans. I loved MCYT, and in some ways, I still do. When I'm sad, I put on old Technoblade videos. When I'm really sad, I put on old Purpled videos. These things are my comforts, things that I haven't ever been able to give up. And that's good! Even if I don't talk about MCYT anymore, I'm glad it's there for me.

#Early MCYTblr Interviews #Volume 4 #Anonymous #SBI Crit Post

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baziutawrites · 2 years

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Greens and greys

Xavier Thorpe x Female OC

Beginnings part 1

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8]

Other smut fics through my Masterlist.

WARNING! There is a smutty part towards the end of this piece. Proceed with caution if you are under 18 yrs old.

Xavier Thorpe always thought he was attracted to the unconventional. Being an artist and all, it supposedly came with a peculiar taste in beauty, aesthetics and also something as ordinary as past-time activities he picked up during his stay at the school, like fencing or archery.

Even when surrounded by outcasts at the Nevermore Academy, he still looked for something different, something uncommon, something - someone - unusual. That's why he completely could not understand why this one person kept invading his mind. It's not that she wasn't pretty or anything - but she was, to put it simply, regular.

"Earth to Xavier! Do you copy?"

Ajax's voice shook him out of his musings. He looked at him, blinking stupidly as if he has just been woken up.

"Man, you're acting weird af. Staring off and shit since the year've started." Ajax waved his arms around, a tiny paper bag in one of his hands. Faint smell of weed lingered in the air. "I asked you if you wanted to chill before 'the meeting' and you do this… this thing instead."

He moved to sit next to Xavier, handing him the paper bag. He took it, feeling the contents inside.

"You're creeping me out, dude. What's wrong?"

"It's… nothing. Just– weird dreams, that's all." Xavier rubbed his eyes with his fingers and leaned back on the bench, his head resting on the wall behind them. "No, really, it's prolly nothin'."

He added, seeing the unconvinced expression on his friend's face. Even the snakes peeked from underneath his beanie, almost as if they too were doubting his words. Before Ajax could speak however, Xavier slapped his knee and stood up swiftly, shaking the contents of the bag slightly.

"Now, wanna get some Lemon or what?"

***

Valerye sat beside her new roommate, Yoko Tanaka, still in awe of the entirety of her new shared dorm room. It was quite elegant, gothic in styling and details with two big stained-glass windows overlooking the main courtyard in the middle of the Academy. They even had a balcony, although not as big as her roommate's friend - Enid, who had the most luck, having the topmost room entirely for herself.

Val however wasn't about to complain. Yoko seemed to be relatively laid back and chill when it came to the dorm rules and the past few days since starting the year were overall less stressful thanks to her. It wasn't easy being thrown into an entirely new, unknown environment all by herself. She never had a dorm room or a roommate up to this point. Not to mention, she wasn't well versed into the social life laws that were clearly set up in between the social cliques at Nevermore. She was lucky to become a roommate with someone who already was a part of a quite prominent one - it earned her an easy way in.

Thing is, it wouldn't be enough. She would still have to prove herself, show her worth in order to be accepted.

"What did you say you were calling yourselves again?" Val peered into the mirror Yoko held in front of her face, laser focused on the tiny eyeliner brush on her eyelid.

"Wha- oh. The Nightshades." She chuckled, eyeing Val's tense expression. "Don't worry, no one's gonna give you a pop quiz before entering."

When she didn't look convinced, she added.

"Just be yourself. I'm sure they are gonna like you. I mean, I already told them everything about you and they all agreed to bring you in, wanna finally see you. This doesn't happen often, so don't fret. You've already got yourself some leverage, honey."

"Yeah, no pressure at all..."

"Well, it wouldn't hurt to bring some gifts." Yoko glanced at the bag on Val's bed. A few bottle necks were peeking out from underneath the semi closed zipper. "But I see you've already thought of that. Good."

***

The corridors were eerily quiet, only their two pair of steps echoed between the stone walls. Val followed closely behind Yoko, cursing under her breath quietly as she felt goosebumps erupting on the exposed skin of her arms and shoulders. It wasn't supposed to be this cold this soon, so she left the sweater back on her bed and went with a sleeveless black turtleneck only. At least she listened to her roommate and opted out of the skirt.

"Too preppy." She simply stated and threw her a pair of high wasted pants.

They came to a halt in front of a statue so suddenly, Val almost walked into Yoko and gave an apologetic smile when the bottles inside her bag clinked loudly. Great, her causing them to get caught this late outside of their dorms with bags full of alcohol surely wasn't a great way to make a good first impression. Yoko however, unfazed, lifted her hand up and snapped her fingers twice, loudly.

The statue of what turned out to be Edgar Allan Poe moved and slid back, exposing a hidden entrance leading down the stairs into a circular room with a high ceiling and walls covered in bookshelves. There were people down there already but they didn't notice them yet. Val squared her shoulders and took a deep breath as went down after her roommate.

"This is Valerye, say 'hi' everybody, be nice, cuz she brought gifts."

Loud cheers erupted around the room and Val could not help but smile.

***

Xavier could not help but stare at the newcomer more and more bluntly as the drinks, expertly mixed by Yoko, kept coming in and the little relax sesh he had with Ajax right before they came down there surely didn't help. He couldn't shake off this weird feeling he got since he laid eyes on the new girl. It's almost as if he saw her already - somewhere, someday - but from what he gathered, it was impossible.

From what Yoko told them before the meeting, she just moved from quite far away and for the past few days she wasn't attending classes due to some supposed paperwork she and her family had to do. She also came from a very prominent and old family name from over the ocean, one that made Principal Weems give the new girl some leeway when it came to the strict rules about attendance. So, he didn't see her in class and didn't see her in the corridors and surely he didn't see her out and about anywhere at any point in his life. So why in the hell his eyes seemed to gravitate towards her and why did he had this strange feeling in his chest every time she locked her eyes with him?

She wasn't extraordinary by any means. Well, Xavier did think she was quite pretty - but nothing out of the ordinary, like Bianca or Yoko. And yet, he kept staring so bad, his friends finally took notice when he ignored a question directed towards him for a third time in a row.

"Well, someone's got his mind elsewhere." Rowan teased as the rest of the boys laughed. It brought Xavier's attention back to the group and he was met with knowing smirks. He could feel the heat creeping up his face as he realised they noticed his weirdo behaviour.

"What? No. I wasn't staring."

"Noone said you were, bud." Kent laughed and patted him on the shoulder. "Think we should go and introduce ourselves properly, what you think, Ajax?"

"Ye, we should, shouldn't we, Rowan?"

Rowan snorted into his drink he was taking a sip from, just as he was swept alongside Xavier by the other two boys. The latter's weak protests were completely ignored, lost in between the sounds of tipsy laughter.

***

Val quickly felt at home within the girls' part of the Nightshades. Yoko seemed to loosen up a bit more, Divina was an absolute sweetheart with a sharp mind, yet quite an introverted demeanour at first, and Bianca was radiating confidence and open mindedness, although she seemed to be quite stubborn in her ways when challenged nonetheless. The drinks were quite helpful when it came to loosening their tongues and soon, the girls swept her into a whirlwind of the newest and most important gossip of the Nevermore Academy.

She noticed, however, a one particular member who acted quite odd. The tall one with long hair kept stealing glances at her more and more blatantly as the time and drinks went on. He had a weird name, she didn't quite catch it over the blasting music. She caught his big, mesmerising green eyes burning holes in her head several times so far and smiled when she noticed him act surprised every time he got caught, his cheeks a bit pink either from embarrassment or alcohol, or maybe both, she didn't know but it made her quite flattered.

When the boys joined them again, he stood on the opposite side of the circle as he now seemed hellbent on getting drunk, swinging one cup after another instead of joining in with the questions the group now asked about her previous endeavours. That's why she didn't expect his voice behind her, when they all turned to Yoko, arguing about what drink she should make next.

"Do we know each other?" The guy's voice surprisingly not slurred considering how much he just drank. Great, very creative pick up line, she thought as she turned around to face him. It took her by surprise how close he was now, she had to crane her neck to look him up in the face.

Xavier's breath hitched in his throat as he finally took in her features. He could almost feel her breath, as he realised he was very close to her now. A bit too close in fact for a first conversation. He didn't have a well adjusted judgement of distance when drunk, he had just realised. And when she cocked her eyebrow at him, he quickly added.

"I mean, I'm sure we've met already."

"I think so too." She gave him a side smile and traced her fingernail along the hem of his button up. It made his loins tingle. "In fact, I'm sure of it."

"Oh? Remember when? Because I'm sure I wouldn't forget a face like yours." He breathed, his lips curling into his signature smirk, as he leaned in. Two could play that game and the alcohol finally rushing to his head made him lose his wariness.

"Yea. Here. Two hours ago to be exact."

His smile faltered a bit and his cheeks reddened a little when she laughed. His eyes glided over her neck as she threw her head back a bit and he was sure he saw her like this up close before.

"Uh, I-ah, I meant, earlier than that." He fumbled with his words, not expecting her to shoot him down like this.

"Well, I don't remember you, so... maybe I was in your dreams then?" She winked at him and turned around, her hair brushing his arm as she went towards Yoko to get her cup refilled, leaving tingles in it's wake. She didn't notice the stupefied look on Xavier's face.

His visions.

***

The night after the meeting Xavier did not dream of the girl that invaded his dreams quite often for the past few months. She didn't show up even in the following week. Then almost a month went by, and he cursed himself for not paying more attention towards the details in his hazy dream visions. He had no other way of checking if Val was truly the one in his dreams.

The one thing he noticed and remembered from the dreams however, were those odd flashes of green that sometimes seemed to spark in the girl's hair when she moved. He could swear he could catch glimpses of it now in real life, just right out of the corner of his eyes. But whenever he turned around to catch the person behind it, they were already gone.

***

The next Nightshades meeting took place after a month since the last one. Xavier would lie if he said he wasn't excited to have a reason talk to Val again. He didn't really spoke to her much since the last meeting. She seemed so preoccupied with everything, she always slipped away before he could muster up the courage to ask her anything more than how she's doing and how was her day. He felt this weird pull towards her he couldn't explain, his eyes seemed to act on their own, gluing his gaze onto her when she wasn't paying attention to him. The drawing of her profile was now safely hidden in his sketchbook, yet it didn't seem to help at all.

And now he was almost running towards the Allan Poe statue. He was late because of his indecisiveness about his clothes - today, out of all the days before this one, he decided to be picky about his looks.

Val's eyes followed Xavier's lanky figure as he descended down the stairs and smiled apologeticly, mumbling some sort of apology towards Bianca, who wasn't happy about his late appearance. Her heart seemed to stutter a bit at the sight of it, as she smiled at him when his eyes landed on her.

"What's his name?" She whispered in Divina's ear.

"Xavier Thorpe. Why? You like him?" She gave her a playful nudge. "He's single from what I know, you know?"

Val just laughed. Well, she did think the boy was kinda handsome with his overall tortured artist vibe going on but she barely knew him from the short conversations they had in passing.

"Thanks, gonna remember that."

***

The two plastic cups crinkled under his fingers as he set his mind on finally talking to her. He could not shake off the feeling that lingered in his chest since the last party. It was driving him crazy. Why did his visions suddenly stop? Did it have anything to do with her or was it just pure coincidence? Maybe talking to her would bring him some answers. Also, he found himself longing for her presence as he watched Kent repeatedly making her laugh.

And there it was. This teeny tiny flash of green at the edge of his vision, just as he lowered his gaze to the side. His head snapped back up so suddenly he winced, feeling his mind swim at the movement. Once again, he could not figure where it came from and he cursed under his breath. He was going insane.

He watched Val put down her empty cup and Kent finally excusing himself. This was his chance. Now or never.

"Tryin' to get me drunk, Thorpe?" She laughed at him but took the cup from his extended hand. He bit his lip, stifling a chuckle. Thankfully it was quite dark, he hoped she did not notice his pink cheeks.

"If you can get drunk on water, I'm gonna be seriously concerned for your wellbeing." He leaned against the pillar, eyeing her surprised expression with a small smile.

"How considerate of you." Her face softened a bit. "Thank you."

"So, how do you find your stay here so far?"

***

He could not believe how easy it was to talk to her - it felt as if they were there for hours. He also found himself focusing on how she laughed at his playful jabs, or how her grey eyes trained on his lips whenever he took a sip from his cup. But just when he was about to comment on it, the dimmed lights turned a bit brighter and he noticed the green again. It seemed to glimmer for a second where the light bounced off of her hair and he choked on his water so hard he went into a coughing fit.

"Xavier, are you okay?" Val's concerned voice reached his ears as she patted his back. "What happened?"

"Forgot... how... to swallow." He panted, feeling himself go red in the face, fully aware of her hand still on his back. His teary eyes bore into her hair and even now with the blurry vision, he could tell her hair was light brown, without any green undertones. How on earth could it happen then? He wanted to touch it, to feel it under his fingertips. To bring it closer, to see if it glimmered under the different angles, to make sure it would do that again. To make sure it was as soft as he imagined it to be.

"Do you dye your hair?" He blurted out instead.

"No... never had. Why do you ask?"

"Good." He answered absentmindedly, his mind racing. His mind was playing tricks on him, that was for sure. How else would he explain it?

***

He found out he wasn't going mad some time after that first incident, however the way he did it made his mind even more dazed than it was before.

He caught himself drawing her more and more often. Thinking back about the conversations they had that day, smiling to himself as he laid in bed at night, Rowan long gone into the slumber. He reminded himself of every time he made her laugh, how she touched his hands during the newly implemented class, Foreign Beings and Legends, because she noticed his hands were stained with charcoal powder. He started to purposfuly hold a piece of charcoal right before that class so she could notice it when he pulled out the chair for her to sit next to him.

That day, the Nightshades agreed upon the Lake Party as a tribute to the last warm days of the year. Xavier, drained after the archery practice he had in the morning, fell asleep right after his head hit the pillow in his then empty room.

The dream vision was blurry, as it always was, however the girl in it seemed to be a bit more defined. She was laying down on her back on what seemed to be his bed, as he looked at her from above. She moved, but not in a sleepy manner. She was writhing, hands seemed to be gripping the sheets in feverish manner. Her hair, despite not quite focused, was sporadically glinting with that god forsaken green he told himself was a figment of his imagination.

And then he felt himself being pulled down towards her and he noticed she was naked underneath him. He could almost feel her breath on his face for a second and he realised she was moaning, her head thrown back, facing away from him the second he tried to focus on her features. He felt himself moving and looked down his body only to see that he also wasn't wearing clothes. But the part that hit him the hardest, was the fact his cock was slowly sliding in and out of the girls pussy, lewd sounds following every roll of his hips. His mouth fell open at the blurry sight before his eyes, as he watched himself slowly fuck her, almost feeling her heat around him.

His skin tingled and he heared a familiar voice call out his name.

"Oh, Xavier, yes."

He looked up only to meet the familiar grey eyes for a brief moment, before they rolled up and he actually somewhat felt her pussy clench around his dick while she moaned sweet nothings in his ear. It threw him over the edge instantly and he felt he was cumming himself.

His eyes snapped back open and it took him a moment to realise he was alone in the dorm room. The blurry vision of the grey eyes inching away from his mind. That's when he felt wetness in his pants and cursed, loudly. He was gonna be late again.

***

The bonfire they managed to get going was casting a warm glow over their bodies, as they drunkenly decided to go for an almost naked swim in the lake. Their laughter echoed between the trees and splashes of water soon disrupted the calm, moonlit surface of the water.

Xavier stumbled out of his pants, almost falling into the person next to him and swung his arm around their shoulders for support. His wide grin was met with a loud laugh from Val, as she held her hands against his chest to prevent him from falling further and onto the ground. She shook her head and looked him in the eye and said something he wasn't able to hear at that point. His smile faltered, as he stared into her eyes.

Grey. Her eyes were grey.

#xavier thorpe #xavier thorpe fanfic #xavier thorpe fanfiction #xavier thorpe x oc #xavier thorpe smut #xavier smut

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umbrella-show · 3 months

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This is for @dollyrin I'm pretty sure you're currently taking a break with MM Mikey so I'll just leave this here.

Black painted the sky, the dark clouds slowly floating to and fro. No stars were out currently, only a bright full glowing moon that seemed to put an enchanting spotlight on the beauty of the city that was New York. New York was never dark, the bright neon collared billboards shining bright colors onto the buildings and sidewalks that were rather empty. Of course, there were still people up, mostly teens who refused to go to bed and adults who were coming home from work, and a small bit of traffic. It was New York after all, the city that never sleeps.

Frankie stood on her balcony, looking down at the buildings that seemed so small from her father’s penthouse. She wished she could go down there, awe at the city's bright lights. Like sirens calling her, beckoning and luring her to explore the unknown. She almost gave into the urge to sneak out and traverse the bright and colorful city. But because of her strict curfew implemented by her father, she couldn’t.

At least she went to a normal high school, Frankie thought. That was the most normal thing she did on a daily basis. She could tell her father wasn’t exactly pleased with sending her to a regular public school instead of homeschool, but even he knew that wouldn’t be the best for her mental and social development. She hated being lonely. But overall, she hated being a nuisance to her father.

The sound of pitter patter of small footsteps caught Frankie’s attention, followed by the feeling of something tugging at the hem of her shirt. Looking down, she saw her 4 year old mutant puppy, Tobey, looking up at her with a curious expression. Frankie smiled down at him, breaking out of her thoughts to give all of her attention to him. He was like a son to her. An adopted mutant puppy son, but a son no less. His little tail wagged when she pet his head, leaning into her hand and licking it affectionately.

“Night night.” Tobey spoke quietly, grabbing her hand and tugging it gently. Frankie had been trying to teach Tobey how to speak English instead of with barks and whines when he was mutated. She even occasionally puts on an educational show called ‘Bluey,’ He can say a few words and almost a full sentence, but he still needed a bit more practice.

Frankie chuckled, even Tobey knew when it was too early to be up. Her chest swelled with joy, knowing at least he was looking out for her. Frankie ruffed the fur on his hair with her free hand that wasn’t being grabbed by him. "I know, obey. I know. I’m just getting some fresh air.” Frankie smiled at him, watching clingy onto her.

Frankie sighed, leaning an elbow against the railing of the balcony, continuing to look out at the sky and city. She became stuck in her thoughts again, oblivious to the fact the longer she thought, the more her eyes began to turn blue. The tips of her hair slowly forming into still water that swayed gently in the breeze. She didn’t even notice, until Tobey began barking and tugging her wrist, pointing at something with his free hand.

Frankie snapped out of her train of thoughts, her hair turning back to its normal jet black color. She looked at where Tobey was pointing towards. He was pointing towards one of the skyscrapers in their view that was tall enough to see, even from the balcony of the penthouse. Frankie tilting her head in confusion, her eyes scanning the building Tobey was so excited about. She couldn’t see anything that caught her attention.

“HI FRANKIEEE!” Frankie harshly flinched, quickly spinning around and activating her mutant powers and sending a wave towards the loud unknown voice. A loud yelp came from the person, being thrown against the wall and drenched. Frankie panted from the use of power, prepared to blast the stranger with water again. The unknown person quickly put their arms up in surrender.

“WAIT! It’s just me!” Frankie’s defensive stance faltered at the sight of her friend, and secret crush, Mikey. Tobey quickly ran to him, pouncing onto him and hugging him tightly. Mikey giggled as Tobey licked his cheek and ran around him, happily barking. Mikey gave Tobey a hug, spinning around with him in his arms before making his way to Frankie.

“I came over cause I had a surprise for you!” Mikey joyfully spoke, gently placing Tobey down. Mikey guiltily scratched the back of his neck. “Sorry I scared you like that.” “It’s alright.” Frankie spoke, trying to ease herself from the shock she had felt when she had thought Mikey was someone who wanted to hurt her.

“A.. surprise?”

“Yeah! Come with me, it’s about to start!~”

A startled yelp left Frankie’s throat as Mikey suddenly grabbed her wrist, dragging her back to the balcony. Tobey followed the two barking up at Mikey as his tail wagged. Mikey looked at Tobey, using his free hand to ruffle the fur on Tobey’s head. “Don’t worry, buddy. We’ll be back in about an hour and a half! So, stay here, okay? I promise we’ll watch Bluey with you when me and Frankie come back.” Tobey let out a quiet whine from Mikey’s words, but quickly lit up at the promise of watching his favorite show with him.

Mikey chuckled as he watched Tobey eagerly walk back into the building. Once Tobey left, Mikey looked back at Frankie, a wide smile stretched across his face. “Get on my back. I’ll carry you!” Frankie stared at him, confused while she reluctantly did what he asked. She wrapped her arms around his neck, his arms hooking under her legs as he made sure she was secure on his back. “Hold on tight!” He warned, before suddenly stepping onto the railing of the balcony and skillfully leaping onto rooftop to rooftop.

Frankie was startled by Mikey’s sudden action, causing her to panic slightly as she held onto him for dear life. However, her fear and shock soon melted away once she opened her eyes. The wind blew past her and Mikey as he ran and jumped onto every rooftop. She was so close to those bright lights she only saw from far away were now right in front of her. It was almost blinding, but she was too amazed to even care about how much her eyes were overstimulated from the neon lights.

As quick as it happened, it soon ended. Mikey suddenly stopped on top of one rooftop in particular. Frankie looked past his shoulder and saw a small picnic area, with a blanket, a candle, one large bowl filled with popcorn, and even fairy lights illuminating the area. Mikey gently put her down, standing in front of the picnic and fiddling with his hands in nervousness. “Sooo, what do you think?”

Frankie stared in awe, her chest swelling in happiness at what Mikey did for her. It looked like something straight out of a movie. “I-It’s beautiful.” She mumbled, making Mikey smile widely. He gently took her wrist, ushering her to sit down on the blanket. He took a seat himself next to her and grabbed the bowl of popcorn. He stuffed a handful of popcorn into his mouth, muffling his speech as he spoke. “It should start in a sec.”

“What’s starting?” Frankie asked in confusion. Noise then came from below the rooftop and Mikey ushered Frankie to look to the right. Next to them was a showing of a movie outdoors. There were a few people watching from below, but the two were up high enough for no one to really notice. Frankie’s eyes widened in awe as Mikey chuckled nervously, blushing. “I hope you like it.” Mikey muttered quietly, flustered and waiting anxiously for a positive response. Frankie looked at him, smiling widely as her eyes shined with happiness and appreciation. She gave him a tight hug as a thank you. “I love it!”

Mikey’s face flushed red, burning almost painfully. “Y-Your welcome..” Mikey squeaked out, his body stiff as he stared at the movie that just started. Frankie soon sat back up, watching the movie once it started. Mikey secretly grew disappointed once she stopped hugging him, chasing after her touch by laying his head on her shoulder. He prayed she was fine with it, and relaxed when he got her answer as she laid her head on his.

The two watched the movie in peace, chuckling and talking as they enjoyed the rest of their night.

#hope this is good #idk why it took so long 😭#i was dead for like a few weeks and had no motivation to write 💀

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susagnon · 5 months

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Katsuki and Izuku are not best friends, part 2

Evidently Bakugou and Deku got closer over the course of the story.

Spilling your thoughts and feelings to someone, getting inducted into an exclusive circle of secret keepers, and gaining the ability to LISTEN, can foster closeness.

But this closeness is not defined by feelings of like. Bakugou doesn’t like Deku. For the most part of their acquaintance, he actively disliked him.

And in contrast to Deku’s explicitly self-admitted hate for parts of Bakugou’s character, it is also not certain whether Deku actually likes Bakugou or not. There’s no doubt that he admires the hell out of the latter. In terms of who Deku looks up to, Bakugou is just right behind All Might. But I wouldn’t be able to confidently state that Deku likes Bakugou overall.

Let’s look at three types of examples that, while significant for the development of themselves and their relationship to each other, are not necessarily proof of a close, or even existing, friendship:

Type A: Risking their lives for each other

Deku had been established as someone who wanted to save other people from the very beginning. Deku would even take huge personal risks to attempt to save people, whom he's discouraged from saving. Thus, I'll mainly discuss Bakugou’s POV here:

For the most part, to Bakugou saving people had been mainly a side-effect of living out his blood knight urges of competing, fighting, and winning.

Bakugou jumping in without any thoughts (of victory) and letting himself get skewered like a kebab to save Deku, was a major divergence from that.

However, it’s more of a signifier of Bakugou’s personal character development, than a signifier for a budding friendship.

It signals Bakugou’s ability to be self-less and serves as proof for his potential to become a “true” hero. It signals Bakugou gaining empathy for Deku’s behaviour. It reiterates Deku’s importance to him. Reiterate, because Bakugou and Deku have always been important to each other.

None of those aspects mean that you are automatically friends.

Type B: Being candid about themselves with each other

Deku has let Bakugou know repeatedly that he admires him. He told him that he got his quirk from someone else, even under explicit orders from All Might not to share anything about OFA with anyone. Bakugou broke down in front of Deku twice. He publicly apologized to Deku for all the years of abuse.

None of those instances occurred out of a desire to confide to the other because they trust each other.

Both of the times Bakugou broke down in front of Deku, didn't happen voluntarily, but because he couldn't keep it in anymore. They certainly didn't happen because, he was fine with Deku seeing him like that.

Both of the times Deku told Bakugou about OFA, he didn't do it for himself. If Deku had wanted a confidante to share the emotional burden of keeping that huge secret... I'm pretty sure, he would've picked someone else. It happened, because he felt the urge to do so for Bakugou's benefit.

When Bakugou apologized to Deku, it was him basically returning that favour. He thought that Deku really needed to hear those words (which he did), so he expressed them. In part, Bakugou may have also felt that he needed to openly verbally acknowledge his mistakes, in order to move forward himself.

One of the most beautifully written scenes of the entire series.

However, neither of them would voluntarily be candid about themselves, if there aren’t higher stakes involved.

It’s not surprising.

I'm not sure even our all-loving hero Deku would ever feel entirely comfortable with sharing his worries with a guy who used to torment him for years. And even if said guy has changed much for the better, he’s still much more abrasive than the average person - not exactly your primary choice for a confidante.

On Bakugou's part, his emotional constipation was so severe that he probably couldn’t even share his feelings with his own bathroom mirror. Character development notwithstanding: Casually showing “weakness” to the kid your humongous inferiority-superiority complex has been fixated on since your pre-school days?

Yeah, I don’t think so.

My point is: There's too much mutual and individual baggage, for either of them to be fine with casually showing vulnerability around each other, if it doesn't serve a higher purpose.

Both aren’t - and might not ever be - able to provide each other with unrestricted emotional safe spaces.

And is seems like both of them have sensed and recognized this.

#bnha #mha #mha thoughtbunnies #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku

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taegularities · 3 months

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rid, my lovie !! my sweets !!

🚨 : ( rant incoming )

some of these recent asks have been making me want to start throwing gang signs or sum 💀 i know there are always gonna be some of these asks given the vast audience you have, and that they are just drowning in anticipation.

however, the undertone? 😭 do these people realize that you are a prolific writer, churning out quality contents faster than locusts can reproduce and infest? 🤨 RELATIVELY SPOKEN !!

good contents take time to plan, produce and publish !!

REMEMBER THE TRIPLE P. for an author who doesn't even ask you to pay, and responds with kindness only.

so, let's learn and practice more kindness and respectfulness here. thank you. ( sorry, if i sound like a teacher's pet, but rid is just too good to us )

anyway, we are nonetheless excited for your next releases, and 'entertainer' even after all this time.

( rant end )

꒰ ❛ ❜ personal lil message ꒱ ‎

rid, am so sorry for not getting back to your last 'ruined' response. i thought you hadn't answered it yet !! and are you kidding me? a!oc is my babiest baby !! of course, i adore her a lot. i remember somebody saying she is like a 'sunny weekend after a wet weather' or something, but bit more condescending— made me wanna throw some gang signs again, tafaq 😫 had to overcompensate with my repeated 'ruin you' asks, but i promise i equally read and enjoy your other stories. even sent asks about them before ( just not in my 🎀🖇🩵 style, haha ) and i'm thankful for each of the sweet responses from you : every. single. time!!

oh, by the way, i came across this pin today : https://pin.it/2rY2xnZtj

kinda ruined!tae on wedding night coded? 'i missed this' x 'it's only been two days' x 'and? i miss you all the damn time' ❤️‍🔥 can i please just ask what's the duo's moodboard like? ik they are a v monetesque, pastoral, serene and the whole artists garden at giverny + the water lily pond + beach at saint adresse!based couple.

but if possible i still wanna see them more from your artistic mind, my love. thank you. xo.

last but not least, must i mention how proud i am of you bc of the whole gaza take and activism on this platform? 🍉 it might be a bare minimum for a reality so cruel, but it matters. thank you for using your resources, and for saying how you listen to certain artists less bc of their lack of voice on this issue. every act matters. let's stay strong and

—take care. 🎀🖇🩵

gang signs omg lol 😭 honestly, i'm so thankful for the audience and the excitement everybody brings! the tone was a little off, but as i said, i'm pretty sure they didn't mean it that way, so i'm like, not mad or anything hehe. i hope they enjoyed entertainer!! it's true, though, that i've been a bit slow this year, but we try our best in this corner of our world. but thank you so much for saying that 😭 i'm flattered you appreciate my existence here and are so kind <3

it's okay, love, no reason to apologise. a!oc was everyone's baby, like she's still one of my favourite ocs i've written!! it's beyond crazy that people still remember her and this story overall. lmao yeah someone said she feels like a wet weekend after a sunny vacation or something idk it was way out of line, but what can we do.. i laughed 🤣 THANK YOUUUU for dropping by, whether with your signed asks or in any other way ily ily!!!

plsss on their wedding night?

more like always 😂 but so true. their mood boarddd hmmm, wait i'll go and make one rq brb *5 minutes later* i'd say that's them 🥺 def some monet, rain and autumn vibes

and ofc!! i think i could do even more and share even more. every thought counts. i can't even remember saying i listen to artists less, but it's 100% true, and i also try to avoid big chains such as starbucks, which i think we all should. take care as well, love 🤍

#much love to you #notes for rid 🌹#🎀 anon #fic: ruined

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realbeefman · 10 months

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Your tags remind me of my most personal issue about House and how contradictory it is, namely that half of the time it really understands both chronic pain along with addiction while other times it has zero clue. I became disabled with chronic pain in the middle of season six (I distinctly remember trailers for that season lmao), and on the one hand you get the regret and the anger of disaster dominoes that led to the illness in the first place and the running away from pain even emotional, but on the other you have everyone psychoanalysing that the pain didn’t change who House was when it couldn’t not, slapstick falls and this cop mentality with addiction. Anyway! That was a ramble you didn’t need! Sorry!

sticking my response under a readmore because i've responded to your ramble with a longer ramble of my own

i've been trying for ages to find a much more eloquent post someone else made about how house's cop mentality ties into his character but i can't find it. it's simply lost forever to time.

my (much less coherent) take of house's cop mentality is that his attitudes towards addiction and the way he chooses to manage his own pain can be explained in-universe as an internalization of ableist rhetoric, capitalist "i'm worthless if i can't work" mentality (5x04 birthmarks "[house's dad] saw his work as some sort of... sacred calling), and as an act of self-harm (eg. purposefully using the wrong hand for his cane, even though it's established in canon that he does experience more pain when using his cane this way and still actively chooses to do so) which is an interpretation of house that i think makes the show a lot easier to engage with in fandom/ from a character analysis pov.

but i do have to agree because the overall message the show sends on chronic pain is contradictory at best and actively ableist at worst. i really really hate that the show frames house going into withdrawl as proof that he's using vicodin to get high as if. withdrawl is not just. What Happens when you stop taking the medication you've been taking every day for years cold turkey. the s6 pain management with ibuprofen arc is my most behated arc in any medical drama possibly ever.

i think the characters psychoanalyzing away house's pain as psychosomatic is particularly insidious because ultimately i think the message the average person is going to take from it is that house's pain isn't reasonable BECAUSE it's partially psychosomatic. as if pain's origin matters? as if house isn't entitled to proper medical treatment just because his pain has a psychological component?

i know deep in my soul that at the end of the day House MD is a medical drama that is ultimately going to reflect attitudes prominent within the medical community and discuss social issues that the culture is actively discussing at the time, which is why house is constantly psychoanalyzed and the question of whether he is a "real addict" comes up over and over again. but i think the conclusions that the show comes to from there are overall very poorly thought out. surely a show that had this large of a budget could've and should've done better!

#ty for the ask i've been thinking about this a lot since i received it esp as i rewatch s6 #i do really love house and always will but the portrayal of chronic pain in this show leaves a lot to be desired.#house md #ask

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meditating-dog-lover · 3 days

Text

Health Update

I'm surprised by how glowing and clear my skin is. The only difference I made was taking the DIM Detox supplement and switching to reverse osmosis water. I also took some antibiotics which helped get rid of some infections. But those are gone - neck and ears completely healed. I do not have any rashes on my face and neck like I did weeks/months ago. My hands are clear and smooth with some cuts and some infection that's in the process of healing. They are itchy and I do rub them under hot water when I wash my hands, but they're also clear and smooth (feels like how they felt after I got my steroid shot and pills).

I would have never thought that excess estrogen is responsible for my eczema. I feel much much better now and I'm so happy. I thought it was a gut issue, but I guess not (not that gut health isn't important, but it wasn't the cause of my skin inflammation).

I am also slim and not bloated. I know DIM helps women lose weight, but I don't believe I have much at all to lose. Digestive enzymes help a lot with bloating.

I would imagine that some forms of birth control or even a hysterectomy would get rid of my eczema. But those are extreme (mostly hysterectomy), and I don't want to do any of those. My obgyn was more helpful with helping me clear my skin than my dermatologists. I definitely knew it was hormonal.

I've been taking the DIM for 2.5 weeks and I'll see how my skin improves with time. It's getting cooler now so I'm worried that the cold and dry weather might make my skin worse. I hope this doesn't happen.

I really like the reverse osmosis water. I think it does help health-wise. Getting organic food helps too, but I don't think it's possible to eat 100% organic. Nor is it possible to use 100% "clean products". I feel like naturally supporting key detoxing organs help. In this case it would be the liver because it plays a role in metabolizing and getting rid of excess estrogen (DIM helps it do that). The supplement is great, but of course I want to check with my doctor to see if it safe to take longterm. Unfortunately it's also pretty expensive.

I'm going to therapy tomorrow to discuss my diagnosis. I'm autistic and was diagnosed at a late age. And I want to get the support I was supposed to get decades ago.

I got a coffee today and some vegan cheese puffs. When it comes to "less than healthy stuff", I prefer having a small portion on the side than a whole treat. I had a mocha and brownie last week on Thursday and Friday. I think that's fine, but I would prefer to have a small treat. I did not finish my coffee and had a few sips because I just wasn't craving it. But overall my diet is pretty health and rich in fiber, protein, fats, vitamins, and minerals. I would say I eat 80-20 at this point. Not 100-0. I would not necessarily say I eat very low sugar either. I think my diet is an improvement because I used to order milkshakes and McDonald's years ago during COVID. I recently used to order pizza and sandwiches often, which are rich in processed white bread which is loaded with sugar, as well as inflammatory oils and I'm sure the sauces had hidden sugars. I now eat out less and eat less sugar, just not 0% sugar. And I'm still fine.

Today I remembered the days when Facebook, Myspace, Formspring, and Twitter were popular when I was in school and why I didn't have a lot of friends and people messaging and interacting with me. I always had less than 200 Facebook friends. I now realize it's because I'm autistic. Of course I never deserved social exclusion. but it's just something I remembered and considered.

I will heal mentally and get the support I need as an autistic woman.

In the past there were times where my blood sugar was great. I think what helps with it is 2 things, maybe even 3. (1) being at a healthy weight, (2) minimizing stress (fasting raised my blood sugar), and (3) physical activity (walking and light body circuits). I used to follow Rachael Attard's programs and her workouts were designed that way. I remember doing her programs and was at a healthy weight and my blood sugar levels were great. Though I was depressed back then and I was eating a lot of sugar and junk. I don't want to eat a lot of junk and don't want to be depressed and stressed. I'm at a healthy weight now and am putting less stress on my body because I'm not fasting everyday anymore. However I can go back to walking (I used to walk for an hour back then) and doing some light body circuits. I want to avoid anything heavy and challenging like HIIT or lifting because I tend to overeat when I do those.

I have experienced more physical stress from undereating than from overexercising in the past. For example, calorie restriction or fasting will cause more stress and inflammation than doing workouts focused on weighs and HIIT. I feel like I can continue with the anti-inflammatory diet and cycle fasting and definitely walk and do some sweaty pilates. I know this will help with my metabolic health, which is already great (blood pressure, sugar, cholesterol, etc...). But exercise will help even more with my sugar profile.

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archivalofsins · 11 months

Note

Fuuta 15, Mikoto 19, Amane 20

milgram character ask game ! send the character + the questions

Thanks for the ask!

Kajiyama, Fuuta/ Futa Kajiyama

15. What do you think of their voice?

I love Futa's voice. His first voice drama was my favorite in all of trial one. The cadence in which he talks is incredibly interesting. Despite not knowing Japanese his voice actor really gave off the tone of speaking customary of someone trying to sound more threatening then they actually are.

The equivalent of this-

X X

It was very entertaining to hear. Like Futa's voice is very fun and full of character. It's just great to analyze. Especially how he tries to cover up his fear. It's very remniscent to people who grow up in suburbs around cities but not really deep in them. Which just gives this really nice impression of a scaredy cat trying to act touch in an intimidating environment.

His tone in his songs are even better. Just overall great voice acting and vharacterization through tone.

Kayano, Mikoto/ Mikoto Kayano

19. what do you think their childhood/teenage years were like?

I believe Mikoto had an average upbringing. Since he was raised by a single parent with a younger sibling I imagine he more than likely dotted on and watched his younger sibling a lot. Probably had to be responsible from a young age. Given his focus on acting the proper way in social interactions I think he may have been bullied often in his younger years and possibly ostracized frequently. He says he played baseball in high school but wasn't really good at it.

Giving his parental situation I believe he probably picked up baseball with the idea of possibly getting an athletic scholarship but it didn't panout. His experience with baseball in high school could very well be why he's so focused on being accomodating now. Since if you're not a good enough or active team player in baseball coaches may be less likely to give you athletic recommendations regardless of how good one is at the sport and they will note poor communication skills and teamwork as a sign of bad sportsmanship to scouts.

He also says he picked up giving people nicknames in college. This was possibly an attempt at being more personable on his part. The fact that he consistently extends patience but focuses on people behaving properly for their age specifically to make sure they don't have problems with others not for self-improvement makes me think he was picked on a lot for being too difficult to approach.

Along with his statements on Milgram more than likely mistaking him for someone which implies he's used to being accussed falsely or fully blamed for things he did not do. Just because others view him poorly already. Also people with those kinds of experiences growing up tend to have more difficulty saying no and setting boundaries which leads to them getting taken advantage of not only in their personal relationships but work ones as well.

Something Mikoto has shown to have an issue with as well doing what people who grew up in that way tend to do when faced with adversity-

“No, I need to do more…”

Blame themselves for it occurring regardless of if they have control over the situation or not. So I thought his upbringing was something along those lines.

Momose, Amane/ Amane Momose

20. what do you think their social life was like before milgram?

I think Amane was a rather unsocalized child. She seems to have been more used to communicating with adults than peers her own age. It's also stated that she was not allowed to amusement parks where she would have the opportunity to interact with children her own age. In Purge March we see here off on her own with a cat at an underpass used for dumping stuff.

Chances are she didn't have many friends her own age and that cat was the closest thing she had to one. We don't see much of her school life even though she's implied to be going to it. Just her walking to and back home from school. Considering she went to school bruised up like that and home with no issue it doesn't seem like most people were paying attention to her.

She also seems used to being ignored and sitting in silence reading on her own and perfectly fine with keeping it that way if in a particularly bad mood. She also only actively reaches out to other prisoners when she has a pretense to. Most of her timeline interactions with others being prompted by her need for help with studying.

Or even in the minigrams interacting with Mahiru and Yuno when she had bad bedhead. Beyond that she only discusses certain topics in depth. Such as her father who she talks about with great enthusiasm on multiple occassions. She seems to be a father's girl and used to keeping to herself. So, I imagine she only really opens up or shows her more childish side around people she trusts and have shown that it's okay to act that way around.

She's a very emotionally guarded person so she probably doesn't really let herself relax until she has reason to believe it's safe to. At least that's the impression she's given me. Once she does though she can be rather social and opinionated. She's definitely not one to back down just because someone older than her tells her she's wrong.

Like with Futa bringing up she hadn't ate her meat that one time or the birthday interaction she had with Yuno. She can be a very helpful and hopeful person for others to communicate with in Milgram because she reminds the other prisoners that they don't need to back down or bend to the circumstances they're in and I think a lot of the prisoners in Milgram appreciate that about her.

Something best illustrated through these timeline interactions,

22/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday) Futa: Ahh…… I’m not wrong…… I wasn’t doing anything wrong…… Shut up, why are you going on an on about something so minor…… It has nothing to do with you…… Aaahhh…… Amane: Oh, were you talking to yourself, Futa-san? Or maybe there’s something there you’re able to see? Futa: ……! O-oh, it’s just you. It’s nothing. ……but well, on that note. Hey. Don’t you have anything happening too? Since being in here, just suddenly getting anxious. Feeling as though loads of people are all there condemning you, telling you you were wrong. Amane: ……I’m fine. I don’t know what you’ve done or what it is you’re worried about, but I think if there’s something you believe in, you should stay true to it. It’s not something that should waver just because other people said something. I personally don’t plan on changing my own beliefs even if I’m told I’m wrong either…… ……today is your birthday, correct? I’ll pray for God to keep you under his care

23/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday) Amane: What is it…… Kashiki Yuno. Don’t sit so close to me. Go away. Yuno: Sorry for barging in when you’re getting into your worldview thing. But Mahiru-san’s finally managed to get to sleep. Humour me with some small talk while I take a break. By the way, Amane. Have you ever wished you were never born? I’ve thankfully lived a pretty fun life so far, so haven’t really. But you seem to be struggling with something. So, I kinda wondered if you thought like that. Amane: ……I don’t think that. Being born into this world is the first miracle any person experiences, and is something to celebrate. Even if after birth I was put through trial after trial, the value of that will never disappear. Yuno: Hmm. Ok. ……happy birthday, then. It’s good that you were brought into the world, I guess.

Amane constantly reminds the people she knows that they are not their circumstances. That they are in fact still themselves regardless of what anyone says about them or the choices they make and that if they still believe in and have faith in those choices they should stick to them. So even though I don't think she communicates often when she does I'm pretty sure it helps a lot of the people she communicates with.

So, before in within Milgram i think her social life was limited but very fulfilling regardless.

#milgram #gunsli rambles #mikoto kayano #fuuta kajiyama #amane momose

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