#I thought about sending this to my mom but I can’t rightly put this on her

[floral-hex]

I don’t know why I’m writing this.

My hearing has kind of gone out again. By “out” I mean I am overwhelmed by tinnitus, dead air, distorted hearing. My hearing aids don’t help, they just make the muddle louder. I’m in a bad place. I feel sick. I’m having a hard time eating. I’m sleeping too much. It’s not just hearing loss, there’s a mental component to it. I feel closed off. I feel so alone. I haven’t been this depressed in awhile. I shouldn’t have stopped antidepressants and now I’m scared to start again because starting them is always the worst, and, well, to be honest, I’ve had a lot of suicidal thoughts these last few days. I can’t see myself living with this for long. I’m scared. I’m alone. Even around others, I feel alone because I can’t understand them and I hate forcing myself and my problems on them. My mother asked how my hearing was today and I broke down in front of her. She’s not my therapist, I hate putting my problems on her, but I couldn’t hold it. I’ve been so desperate for some human contact, for someone to vent to, that I just started weeping. I told her I’m scared about how I’ll live, that I’m falling apart and have been thinking about ending things. We talked for a bit and she said she’d help me make some appointments tomorrow since I can’t really hear right now. I hate this. I hate making her worry. Telling your mom you want to kill yourself… fucking sucks. I don’t know how else to put it. She said she’d take me to the hospital at any hour, if I needed it. She doesn’t deserve that pain. Im not going to do anything harmful. I haven’t reached that point. I’d never want to hurt my family like that. I couldn’t imagine leaving my little brothers. I just don’t know what to do. I feel so overwhelmed.

I wish I could move to some deaf commune like from Sound of Metal. I wish there was a place I could go where I wouldn’t have to worry about my future. Just give me a simple job, a small room, 3 meals a day, and that’s all I want. I’m so lost. I have no friends. No prospects. I miss my dad. I miss being small and having someone else in control. I miss having a partner there, just someone next to me in bed, some other warm body to hold on to when I need physical comfort. I’m sitting in the kitchen right now because I can’t be in my room right now. It feels like a tomb. I hate that it’s 2 a.m. I hate that I’ve been sleeping all day. I have no where to go and I feel alone. I cancelled my gym membership. Too much money and I didn’t have the transportation. They used to be 24 hours before covid. When I first moved back to Arkansas, I was depressed like this. I’d go to the gym at about this time of night while I was depressed. I miss that. Some place to go when my mind needed distracting. Now I have nowhere. I don’t know what to do. I’m just going to keep writing because I need this distraction. I don’t expect anyone to read this. I don’t know if I want them to. To be honest, I don’t even feel like I have friends online anymore. Mutuals keep deleting. All my old friends have moved on. I’m bad at chatting with new friends because I have nothing to talk about. I have such a nothing life. I feel ashamed when people ask about me, about my life.

You want to know about me? I’m… fuck, I don’t remember how old I am. Fuck, I’m 34. I’m 34 and unemployed. I dropped out of college. I can’t hold a job. I was excited about trying to get a job, I thought my hearing had been holding up, I was going to send out applications, I swear, but this present problem has just made me feel hopeless. I can’t make friends because I’m 34, unemployed, live with my family, and have no hobbies besides sleeping and just surviving. I’m sorry. I want to be your friend. I want people to be my friend. I don’t want to die and be forgotten. I put out albums in my 20s! I had a cooking show in high school! I had friends, I went to concerts, I’ve had so many cats. I’m going to be forgotten. My bandcamp will never get visited. I have albums worth of instrumentals I wrote in my early 20s that no one will ever hear. I’ve been thinking about writing a book for years, but I’ve never sat down to actually write. My own family won’t know about these things. I’m going to be forgotten and that feels worse than death. I need my family and friends to know how much I love them. I love them so much. They’re the only reason I don’t want to go. I want to see my brothers grow up. Im so scared. I’m scared for them and I can’t help them. I have nothing to offer them. The world is too heavy. And they’ll be off to college soon enough and I’ll never see them. They’re at that age where they go straight to their room, they don’t talk to me much. I miss watching movies with my little brother. I miss playing video games with them. Talking with them. I just want to hold them and tell them I love them. That they saved my life. That I’ll be here for them as long as I can so please, please don’t shut me out. Please just sit and watch a dumb movie with me and be with me for a little bit because I need to be with them, in that moment, while they’re young, so I can remember this. They’re going to go off to college, they’re going to go live their lives, and I’ll still be here and I know they’ll still love me but I won’t matter as much. I’m worried about my mom. She’s sick all the time. She can’t work anymore. Life is crushing down on us. I don’t want her to hurt. I don’t want her to leave us. I don’t want her to leave her teenage sons. That’s not fair. They need their mom. Their dad already ran off. I don’t want them to be alone. I don’t want them to be 20 and scared and miss their mom. I wish I could be there for them. I told her I was worried about losing her, and she said she could live another 10 years. That sounds like no time at all. 10 years, if we’re lucky. I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want my brothers to lose her.

All I see is everything’s expiration date. I’m so focused on the end. I want to be here, now, but I’m so scared. I’m wasting it. It’s 2:40 in the morning and the world feels dead. I feel like I’m on a dead planet and I’m just sitting here, rotting and postponing the end. It could just end right now, tonight. I know it would be scary, but when it happens, it’s just dark and nothing. Once I passes out giving blood. It was just dizziness, nausea, and then nothing. When I came to, I was surprised how… nothing, it was. It just happened and it was nothingness. No dreams, just gone. I know it’s not the same, but it also kind of is. I’m scared. I don’t want that. I don’t want nothing. I want life. I want to be happy. Please, I need something, I need to be happy, I need a life. I need friends and I need a job and my family and I need my hearing to just fucking figure itself out. I can’t do this “one month of good hearings, one month of bad hearing, repeat.” If I can just survive a little while, I know it’s bad right now. It gets bad.

I have to be positive. I have to be. So tomorrow I’m going to make some appointments, or my mom will if I can’t hear, and I’m going to try to get on some antidepressants, even though I’m scared about how I’ll feel, and I’m going to beg for something like Xanax to help give me immediate relief for these ever increasing moments of massive anxiety and hopelessness. I’m going to try to demand ear tubes. I don’t know if they’ll work, but I’m lost. I’m desperate. Please, just do this small unnecessary surgery so I can feel like I’m doing something. I think I’m going to go back to therapy. I haven’t been in years. I wish weed was legal here, because god knows I need it, but it’s not like I could afford it if I could buy it. I need money. I need to go out. I feel so closed off. I need to go to the movies or bowling or even just back to a gym. Please please let my hearing clear up so I can get a simple job and have some kind of pay check. I shouldn’t be this old and feel this lost.

So now it’s 2:45. I’m in the kitchen. I drank some coffee because I needed the caffeine and sugar to hopefully give me a dopamine boost. I don’t know if it did. I’ve just been crying this whole time, so I don’t know. I slept all day. I need to be awake during the day, so I shouldn’t be drinking coffee, but I think soon I’m going to take some Benadryl, take a shower, and try to sleep until the sun comes up. I feel sick. I’ve been sleeping too much. I have no appetite so I’ve been forcing myself to eat, but it’s all tasteless and hard to swallow. I’ve been here before. I know it can get better. I don’t know how, I mean, everything else seems to be collapsing inward on my family right now, but… I have to believe things can get better. I feel like I’m choking right now. I feel trapped and suffocating. I’m so nauseas and sick and scared. I just want someone to walk in and say “hey, can I sit with you awhile?” I’ll keep going, but this is…

AND I can’t fucking use this app because it eats my battery and overheats my phone! What the hell.

Okay, 3 a.m. 3:05. What am I doing

I ran out of space for tags. This is too long. No one is going to read any of this. Why would you? You shouldn’t. It’s like a really long sad sad rant. Aaaaaaaa I’m losing it. I’m lonely. I’m burnt out. Half tempted to join a cult so I can just live with a group of people that control my life for me. I know that’s a shitty joke and cults are terrible, but also my brain is so bad and I feel so hopeless that when I say I’m half joking, I really do mean I’m partially serious. Sure sure, you’re God, dude, that’s cool, I’ll believe that, just give me a bed, 3 meals, and I’m in. Aaaahh ughhhh 3:15. What am I doing? How many followers will I lose for this? Why do I even have this blog? I’ve been on here for, I don’t know… I want to guess 15 years. Maybe more, maybe less. I don’t know why. It’s some connection to the outside world. No one talks to me on here. Sometimes they do. Some years they do, some years I just “exist” on here with very few interactions. It’s sad. I need real friends. I need a job so my coworkers can be friends. I need money to go out. I need self confidence and money and a job so I can join some dumb dating or friendship app, but right now… okay, I can’t go back down that road right now. Just scroll back up and reread my whining.

3:20. Distract myself. Keep writing. Distract. I can’t write forever. Okay. I need to go. I’ll be okay. I’ll try to be. If you read some of this, I’m sorry, but maybe thank you. I don’t deserve you. This world is so scary and lonely. Thank you for being here. Really. I appreciate you.

[upat4amwiththemoon]

OH LORD I HAVE A REQUEST

What do you think of this

Wanda or Natasha over hear a conversation between r and a friend that she's having over, speaking about a new teacher who apparently look like a sweetheart and hears r saying she has a crush on this woman

I just love how you write so I'll let you handle everything else, just giving you the big idea yknow 👀

Innocent crush

Summary: Everyone has that one teacher.

Pairing: WandaNat x daughter!reader

Warnings: none

Word count: 677

a/n: I have a confession to make..I never had a crush on a teacher

Tags: @thought-of-you-and-me @rafecameronswhore @emsmultiverse @natashamaximoff69

masterlists | guidelines

“No, you don’t get it, she’s such a sweetheart.” Y/N groans, flopping down to the bed. “And she’s so fricking hot.”

Kate laughs, laying next to Y/N. Despite being in the same school, she has actually never had classes with the teacher her friend is currently crushing on. “I’m sure she is.”

With a dreamy sigh, she stares at the roof. “I might be delusional, but I’m pretty sure she pays more attention to me than the rest of the class.”

“Oh, totally not delusional.”

“I know right!” Y/N raises to lean on one of her elbows. “She keeps staring at me.”

“My math teacher keeps ranting about his divorce to us.”

When the conversation changes and the two girls’ laughter can be heard through the door, Wanda sneaks off to the living room with a fruit plate in her hand. She’s not one to eavesdrop, usually, but her daughter just happened to be talking about a crush when she was going to bring them snacks.

She sets the plate down to the table and sits next to Natasha on the couch, taking her attention off of the book she’s reading. “Y/N has a crush.”

“Oh?” Putting the book down, Natasha turns to Wanda with raised brows.

“On the new teacher she has.” She states. “She said she is fricking hot.”

Natasha chuckles, “is she still too scared to curse?”

“Yes, and rightly so.”

“You curse like a sailor.”

Mumbling off the accusation, Wanda turns back to the matter in hand. “Our daughter has a crush on an older woman.”

“I’m sure it’s fine. Isn’t it normal for students to have crushes on teachers?” Wanda shrugs. Neither of the women had a normal upbringing, nor crushes on teachers, considering school wasn’t a bog part of their lives. “As long as the teacher doesn’t do anything inappropriate, everything should be okay.”

“Shouldn’t we still talk about it to her?”

“Then she’d know you were eavesdropping.

“I wasn’t-“ Wanda sighs and rolls her eyes, not trying to argue against the accusation, “we’ll just have to find a way to be subtle about it.”

Unfortunately, subtlety wasn’t the ex-Avengers’ strength when it came to their daughter.

“So,” Wanda starts as they’re eating dinner together, “any new crushes?” She asks with a seemingly innocent smile on her face.

“No.”

Humming, Wanda stares at her daughter. Y/N pays no mind to it, continuing eating in silence, while Natasha hides her grin by taking a sip of her drink. “How’s the new teacher? She any good?”

“Yeah, she’s alright.”

“Is she good looking?”

Now Y/N lifts her head to look at Wanda, her brows are scrunched together. “That’s weird, mom.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah.” Natasha comments with a laugh, ignoring the look her wife sends her.

Setting down her fork, Wanda lets her hands lay on the table. “I was just wondering, you know, if she was your type, or anything like that.”

Y/N squints her eyes, staring at Wanda. “You were eavesdropping me and Kate.” She states, annoyed her mom can’t stop meddling into her things.

She huffs, “it wasn’t eavesdropping. I was bringing you two snacks and overheard your conversation.”

“We never got any snacks.”

“Well, I left after I had the conversation.” She mumbles, picking up her fork again so she wouldn’t have to see the annoyed look on her daughter’s face. “It really isn’t my fault when you talk so loudly.”

“Mom!”

“I’m sorry. I just want to make sure, that nothing…inappropriate is going on.”

“Gross, mom.” Y/N pushes her almost empty plate away. “It’s just a crush, I’m not sending her nude pictures or anything like that.”

Natasha gives her a look, “you better not be sending any nudes to anyone.”

With a groan, Y/N stands up. “I am not sending nudes to anyone. Remind me to tell Kate I’ll start hanging out at her house from now on.” She walks away from the table.

“Now I’m worried about the nudes.” Wanda mumbles.

“We should check her phone, right?”

“Yeah.”

[chemnections]

If there is band tension….. what is Gerard’s end goal? What changed between Europe and now?

i can’t say, only speculate. ngl, my opinion of gerard has drop a lot these past few years (i’m sure i’m so subtle about it). i'm disappointed in him. i think everything that came out about his wife was very enlightening. he’s still with her and I think if anything her ‘cancellation’ made their relationship stronger. and I don’t believe he is staying with her only for their kid or because he’s trapped or anything because if that was the case he wouldn’t be running a wife redemption campaign at shows, he would be keeping it strictly professional.  

but that also means I think part of the end goal is what she wants combined with gerard’s mental illness and general personality quirks. what i’ve noticed with relationship dynamics that i find similar to theirs is when the wife is manipulative for a cause, people will say that the man has been ‘brainwashed’ by her but the truth is usually he is using (sometimes subconsciously) his hurtful partner to do what he has always wanted to do but never did because people will rightly be upset with him- but now he’s pitied like none of its his fault. i am not saying this is their dynamic - i’m just suspicious that maybe they have an eye drop of it. because he is with her for a reason, he is getting something out of it. 

i don’t think he wants to work. he does not have the motivation of his youth because he has already ‘proven’ himself. the need to be understood and be important has been over saturated with fame which is quite the burden. money-wise he is set for life. and add in depression. every dream has been achieved so all thats left is doing it because you love it. frank loves playing music. i don’t think that's consistent for gerard. 

so end goal, i speculate he’s tired of the band and is thinking about quitting - his performances right now are energetic but i wonder if it’s a 'perform like it's your last show' kind of way. i think he wants to please his wife. and i think he enjoys the attention he gets from frank when he makes the band’s future unstable. i think he does hold it over frank's head some. 

from europe to australia . . . i think part in europe the tour was new and exciting and maybe frank thought that gerard would get excited by it and would want to bring back the band for real and make a new album. but I think gerard has the same perspective he did at madison square garden at the end of black parade - that it feels like a good send off for the band.  i think what we are seeing now is that decline coupled with other challenges like doug’s and frank’s step mom’s death. combined with frank’s trauma and being in australia. 

but getting away from that negative note, i think the next show will be really good and with little to no tension. i think they will put everything to the side because of frank’s first show in sydney since the accident. i hope they properly acknowledge it and appreciate frank. and I think it will really unite the band for those shows and on to japan.  

[bqstqnbruin]

I hate it when you stare

Wow here I am with another part, another fic. Ignooooree my typooos. Is this more soft smut? No one told me last time if what I wrote counts so uhhhhhhh

Read the whole series:  I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair // I hate the way you drive my car // I hate it when you stare // I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind // I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme // I hate the way you’re always right // I hate it when you lie // I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry // I hate it when you’re not around, and the fact that you didn’t call // But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all

I really do have work to do for my class at 2:30 tomorrow but instead I finished this, so I hope you like this!

_______________________

“How is it bullshit? Everyone can tell that we’re in love with each other.”

“So, what, because other people believe it, that automatically means it’s true?”

--------------

Evelina was visiting home for the weekend for her mom’s birthday, which meant that you had the apartment to yourself. From Friday after work until Sunday night, you were free to do whatever you wanted by yourself. Or, you thought you were going to be doing whatever you wanted until your boss texted you saying that he wanted your project finished by Monday so you could present it that afternoon. That meant you were posted up on the couch, your hair tied in a bun on top of your head, a mug full of coffee, another of tea, and a cup with water all in front of you, the blanket normally on the back of your couch now draped over your shoulders. It was a full call to the hungover days you had back in undergrad when you woke up late and were struggling to finish the work you had due the next morning.

“It’s me!” you hear a familiar voice call from the door, snapping you out of what might have been the first and only roll you had been on working on the project.

You look up to see Matthew coming over the couch, plastic bags in hand to plop down on the table. “Remind me to change the locks.”

“That would mean you have to get up to let me in, though,” he sends a wink in your direction.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at him, even though you felt butterflies throughout your entire body at the sight of him looking so comfortable next to you. It was just because he’s a guy, not because it’s Matthew. You let out a quiet sigh as he fiddles with the remote to your TV. “Who says I wouldn’t leave you in the hallway? Plus, I thought you were supposed to have practice today?” you ask, trying to focus more on your project than on him.

“We’re done, and we don’t have a game for three days for once, so we’re resting up. I figured, why not come see my favorite girl?” he says, resting his hand on your shin once your drape your legs over his lap. 

“Because Taryn is in St. Louis so you settled for me instead?”

He scoffs, slowly running his hand up and down your bare leg while his eyes fixate on the television screen. He had to be able to feel the goosebumps that he was causing with his touch. “Fine, my favorite girl in Calgary unless Taryn is visiting, are you happy?”

“Am I ever happy when I’m around you?” you tease, lifting only your eyes from your screen to look at him. Still staring at the TV, you can see the smile on his face, but it almost looks like his jaw is clenching, like he’s fighting saying something back.

“And how could I not be happy around you when you treat me like that?” Your eyes linger for a second on his smile before scanning the rest of his body. Even under the long-sleeved dry fit shirt he was wearing, you could see the outline of the muscles that graced his abdomen. His arms looked like they were begging to rip the seam of the shirt, and you wanted nothing more than to take it off of him and just let them free. “Do you like what you see, babe?” you hear him say, snapping you out of the thoughts you were convincing yourself meant nothing as he was looking at you out of the corner of his eye. 

“I’m trying to picture you as a more attractive guy,” you lie, “It would be so nice if Elias were here, wouldn’t it?” 

“If you’re implying that you want a threesome, then I don’t think I could do it with a teammate,” he laughs, his fingers tightening around your shin. Would Elias be better than Matthew? Any guy would be better than Matthew, you tell yourself. He’s your best friend, and nothing more. 

“What have I said about being crude?” you ask him, fixating your eyes on the way he’s biting his bottom lip. “I think I’m gonna go get my headphones so I can do this project.” You bolt from the living room to your bedroom, leaving Matthew there by himself while you search for your phone in a panic. 

“Hey, is everything ok?” Evelina says on the other end of the phone call as you try to search for your AirPods in the mess that was your room.

“No, Matthew is here.”

“And that’s bad because?” she asks, drawing out her last word.

Groaning, you drop your phone on your desk, prompting Matthew to call to you asking if you were ok. “I’m fine, don’t worry.” Turning back to Evelina, clearly in a panic that she could hear in your voice, “Matthew is here and I think I’m horny.”

“You’re always horny for him because you’re in love with him.”

“I’m not in love with him and I’m honry because I haven’t been touched by a man in like, three months. It’s starvation.”

You hear her groan on the other end, her parents voices in the background. “Hold on, I need to go into another room,” she says. “Ok, so you really told me two days when you got home that you and Matthew nearly fucked in public  in the liquor store. You have been touched by a man. He was also practically feeling you up at the bar a week ago, might I remind you.” 

“I don’t love him,” you say, unprompted, “And he never even kissed me.”

“Says that hickey that you somehow didn’t notice he gave you?” she says, you turning to your mirror to touch the mark she was talking about. You honestly didn’t know it was there until she said something to you when you walked in the door. “If you don’t love him, why don’t you just tell him to leave?”

“I want company and he’s the only thing I have when you aren’t here. Really, this is all your fault.”

“That was so sweet until you blamed me. If you don’t want him to leave then what’s the problem?”

“Horny,” you say at the same time. “Either do something about it or control yourself, babe, but I’ve gotta go. Miss you, love you,” she says, hanging up when you finally find your AirPods.

Pulling up your playlist so it’s already playing when you get to Matthew, you don’t even look at him as you take your computer back in your lap and throw your legs in his. You can feel his eyes tracing the outline of your body even under the baggy sweatshirt you had on from a college you never went to. 

You had worked for what was probably a solid half hour, Matthew mindlessly rubbing his hand on your leg like he did before, you needing to do everything in your power to stop from thinking about and wanting more. You were interrupted by Matthew reaching over and tugging on the hem of your shorts. “Are you really listening to Christmas music right now?”

“Is it that loud?” you ask, turning the volume down immediately.

“No, I can read your lips. You were mouthing ‘Feliz Navidad,’ and ‘Sleigh Ride.’”

“Oh, then, yes,” your cheeks flushed with embarrassment that you didn’t even realize you were doing that. 

“It’s March, babe.”

“Ok, but Christmas music is fine year round.”

“No?” he questions.

“So I’m going to tell you why you’re wrong,” you start, moving your computer to the table so you don’t drop it, provoking a laugh to escape from his lips, “While I don’t agree with all things in Catholic and the broader Christian doctrine, there are things I can agree with basically because they are up for interpretation, so I interpret them in the way I like. Take, for example, the ninth commandment: love thy neighbor. Some people take it as a literal ‘love thy neighbor’ as in ‘be a good neighbor,’ to the ones who live next door, but I think it’s a matter of caring for those around you, neighbor not being the person immediately next to you wherever you live, but just other people in general.”

“What is your point?” he asks, a devilish grin spread across his face.

“My point is that the Bible, which is the end all be all of Catholic doctrine according to some people, is up for interpretation and people use it the way that benefits them, no matter how wrong they normally are. In Hebrews 13:15, it says, “Through him let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name,” thereby, justifying and promoting listening to Christmas music year round. It praises Jesus, who is one of the persons that make up God, and doing year round is continuous.”

“I don’t think that’s how that works.”

“Hey, if people can be assholes and use a 2,000 year old book to try to wrongly justify their bigotry and homophobia, why can’t I use it to rightly justify my listening to christmas music all year?”

“Are you Catholic?”

“No, but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn about it and keep the things that I like with me. I’m not Jesuit but I follow their ideals like ‘care for the whole person’ and ‘be a man or woman with and for other.’ And Evelina’s parents are very religious, so we kind of put up a front whenever they visit to please them. They still think we go to Mass every Sunday.” 

“Is that why there’s sometimes a crucifix by the door?” he asks, you nodding along. “And that weird Jesus magnet where he has a chefs hat and it says ‘fish and bread are served’ underneath him?”

“Yeah, I think her dad superglued that to the fridge because no matter how many times we’ve tried to get it off it won’t budge. Plus it’s a reference to another Bible passage.” 

“I went to a Catholic high school, remember? I already knew that.” You can’t help but return the smile he was sending your way, this time your eyes flicking down to his lips, you unsure if his were doing the same. You snap out of it, biting your lip and making eye contact with Matthew, both of you breathing slightly unevenly at just thinking about what you could do with each other. Was Evelina right that you two loved each other?

No, she couldn’t be right, because you didn’t love him. You pick your computer back up to get back to work, not saying another word as Matthew turned back to the TV. You hit a deadend, finding yourself back to staring at Matthew’s perfect face while his eyes narrowed and a small smirk formed on his lips at something funny on whatever movie or show he was watching. 

“Ugh, fuck,” you groan, Matthew’s head snapping to your direction as you cover your face with your hands. “I don’t want to do this anymore.” 

He reaches over and pulls your hands from your face, intertwining his fingers in yours. “Take a break, I brought food for us.” 

“You didn’t cook it yourself, did you?” you ask. The last time he had made food for you, you were sick for a week from what you’re sure was food poisoning from something being undercooked.

He laughs, the pad of his thumb rubbing your palms. You could feel your breathing get shallow by this, trying to ignore it while he’s talking to you. “No, I got it from the store down the road, already made. Mac and Cheese!” he says, pulling it out of the bag.

You roll your eyes at his stupidity. “Matthew, we’ve been sitting here for over two hours, why would you leave that on the table instead of in the fridge?”

“It’s still warm!” he argues, opening it, “Oh and it smells so bad.” You burst out laughing as he cringes, closing it immediately. “I’ll order something else.” 

You get up to go throw out the now rancid mac and cheese in the kitchen. “Hey, where do you want to order from?” you hear Matthew call, walking into the kitchen behind you.

The list. 

It’s on the fridge.

Practically throwing yourself at it to try to tear it down in time, you rip it off the fridge and fold it up in your hand just in time for Matthew to come in. “Are you ok?” he asks you, noticing your slightly faster breathing and your hands behind your back.

“Yeah, the smell was just bad,” you lie to him, shoving the list in the band of your shorts. “And I was looking at the Jesus magnet.” 

“That thing is so creepy,” he says, both of you looking at it. Knowing Matthew, you try as discreetly as possible to move the paper to your front so he can’t feel it as he inevitably presses his front to your back, his arms draping over your shoulders. Without thinking, you reach up to touch his hands as he rests his head on yours. “It’s way too white to be Jesus.”

His arms move their way down your body, settling around your waist as he starts to nibble at your ear. “God, you are so sexy,” you hear him let out.

“You’re awfully handsy lately, aren’t you Matty?”

“Oh come on,” he says, turning you around to face him, practically pinning you against the fridge, “You know we’re always like this with each other.” 

You smile at him, cupping his face in your hands as you run the pads of your thumbs along his cheeks. “We have a weird...” you start, trying to figure out the right word to describe whatever it was you had with him, “friendship,” you settle on, not exactly liking the word yourself as your tried to hide the cringe you were sure was appearing on your face. 

He swallows hard at that word. Even relationship would have been better, even if it were more broad than ‘friendship.’ At least it wasn’t such a narrow word. It felt like even if you didn’t finish the list you didn’t know he knew about, you would never see him as more than a friend. “Well, that’s what makes it my favorite friendship.” 

The two of you stand there for a minute, holding each other and gazing into the others eyes. You could feel your breathing slow down studying Matthew’s facial features again, thinking only of how perfect they looked to you in that moment. “We should figure out where we’re getting food from,” you say, dragging your hands down his chest before dropping him all together. 

He could have stared at you like that forever. He really couldn’t think of anyone more perfect than you, anyone he would want to look at besides you. “What are you in the mood for?” he asks, moving over to the counter. Opening your fridge, you remember you still have the list folded in the band of your shorts, throwing it in before grabbing some water out. “What did you just throw in there?” Matthew asked you, having watched your every move.

“Uh, Evelina and I have this weird list that we’re putting together, it didn’t feel right to have Jesus looking over it all of a sudden,” you tell him, “But now that you had mac and cheese on my mind, I kind of want that.”

“Oh, no, you’re not changing the subject that easily,” he says, trying to reach around you to open the fridge. 

“No, come on, it’s mostly Evelina’s and I don’t know if she would want you seeing it,” you lie, batting your eyes at him and trying to contort your face to make it look like you would cry if he tried anything else. He couldn’t see the list of things you hate about it. He couldn’t find out about it. 

He sighs, knowing he wasn’t going to win this one. “I ordered you mac and cheese but I’ll pay for it if you tell me the subject of the list?” he tries to bargain. 

“Uh, it’s a list of kinks,” you lie, not knowing what else to say, and usure why that was the first thing that came to mind.

His eyes go wide, pretending to be shocked. It was the list of ten things you hate about him. It had to be. He grins anyway, trying to hide the pain he felt knowing that the list was already started, and probably nearly finished at this point, “Are any of them your kinks?” 

“Yeah,” you start to lie to him again, a grin on your face, “One of them says, ‘When Matthew leaves me alone.’”

He scrunches up his face, pretending to be hurt by your comment as he walks back to your living room. “Oh you know just how to break my heart, pretty girl.” You follow him, plopping down next to him on your couch. 

You pick up your computer, snuggling into his shoulder as he wraps his arm around you. “I have no desire to do this project.” 

“Why don’t we watch something on TV then and you can work again after we eat?” he suggests. You nod, putting the computer back down, surrendering to his pout. You feel him kiss the top of your head, scrolling through the channels. “What about Lilo and Stitch?” he asks when he finds it on one of the channels. 

“Ugh, I love this movie, but the American treatment of Hawaiians is awful, and I just can’t help but think about it every time I watch,” you say, thinking you were being annoying. “Sorry,” you apologize. Evelina was used to your rants, even if you were sure she normally tuned them out. You didn’t think Matthew wanted to listen to another rant from you. 

“Don’t get me started?” he asks, referring to the game you and the guys played at the bar.

“Don’t get me started on the American colonization of Hawaii. The Cookes’ went to Hawaii and pretty much obliterated the royal bloodline. The king of Hawaii had the Cookes build boarding schools for the royal children, with good intentions that they would be able to educate his children on royal customs to effectively rule their land. Instead, the Cookes took the Hawaiian customs and told them they were wrong, imparting their own customs on them, instead. They wanted he land for America, they wanted to eliminate the Hawaiian culture and make them as American as possible,” you say. “The Hawaiian people were a very sex positive people, but oh no, American Catholic education and their ‘no sex is the safest sex’ ideal stopped the children from living the lives they grew up expected to live. If a boy was found in a girls room doing anything in these boarding schools, they would beat the children as punishment, and probably other things that weren't even recorded. There are actually a decent number of Wikipedia pages that have had this information erased, like when you go back into the edit history. The sources, as they claimed, weren’t valid, but in reality they weren’t the Cookes’ American-centric description of these schools. They even went so far as introducing sports into the schools as ‘an antidote to the worst evil of all: sexual promiscuity,’” you comment, drawing a laugh from Matthew. “Because we all know how much athletes hate sex, right?” 

You look up at Matthew, him beaming down at you as Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride starts ironically playing in the background, “Yeah, we hate that,” he whispers. You swallow hard, trying to ignore any feelings that might be coming up at the sight of Matthew biting his bottom lip. 

“American’s always just insert themselves where they don’t belong,” you finish, settling your head back onto his shoulder as he pulls you closer to him. 

“Why do you know all of this?” he asks.

You shrug, not really sure how to answer, “I don’t know. When I’m doing work I see one word and it sends my mind into this never ending tangent and I end up looking up stuff online and reading for hours.” 

“You really are the smartest person I know,” he says with a sigh, “Why hasn’t Ev told her parents about hiding the Catholic stuff until they come?” 

You shrug, “I don’t know. I never asked, she just told me it was something she needed to do, so I did it with her. That’s her own cross to bear,” you say, taking a minute to realize the really bad pun you just made. “Ah! See what I did there!” you practically yell, Matthew groaning.

“On that note, I think I need to leave,” he jokes, getting up off the couch.

“Oh, come on, no!” you beg, taking him by the hand and trying to drag him back down to the couch. “I don’t want you to leave,” you let out as he pulls you off the couch. 

“Really?” he asks you, sitting back down on the couch, your hands still connected.

Standing over him you nod as he pulls you into his lap, straddling him. He pulls you as close to him as you can, your hands wrapped around the back of his neck. Your mind flashes back to the liquor store, the feeling that came over you as he worked his way along your body like you had a feeling he was about to do again. 

“Come on Matthew, you know this isn’t something we do,” you tease, even though you can’t help but look at his lips, the urge to kiss him creeping up on you as you tried desperately to suppress it. If any guy had taken you into his lap like Matthew just did, you would want to do the same thing. You were just desperate for a man, not desperate for Matthew. 

“We can’t do anything?” he teases, going for your neck again. You let out a moan, praying that he doesn’t leave any more marks that you’ll have to cover up later. 

“Wait,” you say to him, pulling him off of you. He looks slightly upset, not sure what to do next. ‘Ah, fuck it,’ you think to yourself, pulling his shirt off over his head, tossing it to the side and returning the favor of the hickey he gave you. You suck on his skin, listening to the moans that escaped from his lips this time, feeling him grow hard the longer you were at it. He clenches his hands on your butt, pulling you even closer to him. You work your way up his neck and to his jaw, his grip getting tighter the closer you were to his lips. You had no idea what was coming over you and causing you to want to do this, but nothing in that moment felt better. Nothing in your life had ever felt better as you kissed his face the way he did to you the other day, hearing him moan more and more with every connection you made. 

Your lips are millimeters from his, both of you practically begging the other for connection when you’re startled by the sound of Matthew’s phone ringing. You both laugh, foreheads pressed together. One more second and it would have happened. “I think that means our food is here.” 

“Perfect fucking timing,” he mutters, not loud enough for you to hear as you get up to go grab the food. He couldn’t believe you just did that. He checks his neck in his phone camera, seeing it littered with the red marks you had left for him. He reaches up to touch them, smiling for some reason. There’s no way this list would work against him, would it? 

You come back, him practically throwing his phone so you don’t see what he’s doing, settling down on the couch with each other eating the food. Your mind starts racing with thoughts about what just happened. There was no way you really wanted that, did you? Well, you wanted a man’s touch, but it didn’t necessarily have to be Matthew. It could be any guy. 

‘I have another thing for the list,’ you text Evelina, your eyes moving between your phone screen and his hands holding his food, careful not to look up at his face.

‘Good, god, what?’

‘I hate the way he stares,’ you send her, finally looking up, not taking your eyes off Matthew as the two of you can’t help but stare at each other.

[justauthoring]

No Reason To (46/50)

Prompt: “And I guess… when it comes down to it, I trust you.”

A/N: So, here it is! Officially onto the final half of the season! Only four more parts after this one. Which is just absolutely.... crazy.

Anyways, the next few parts will be a bit different then normal but I think it’s worth it and a lot of you seemed to like the idea of it as well. So, hopefully you all enjoy it!

Send me a little comment in the ask section or leave it below on what you thought of this chapter. As usual, I hope you all enjoyed!

AGAIN, remember if you’d like me to continue this series, just leave a little comment or an ask letting me know. I will NOT continue the series if no one wants me to.

Please don’t plagiarize my work!

Pairing: Stiles x McCall!Reader

Based off of: Teen Wolf 06x11 & 06x12

“It’s amazing! It’s just... It’s amazing...”

Smiling softly, you duck your head down as you slowly push open the doors to the hospital, pulling your keys out of your bag for your car. “I’m glad, Stiles,” you whisper softly, “it does all sound really... amazing.”

He chuckles, and you can imagine the amount of boxes piled around him in his dorm that’s he’s refused to put away yet because that’s just the way he is. You can imagine the only thing he’s probably really unpacked is a bed to sleep on, and clothes for school. And you can imagine what it’ll be like when you get there next week, and how good it’ll be able to be in his arms again.

Because it’s been too long.

Slipping into your car, you set down your bag in the seat next to you with a huff, blowing that hair that had fallen into your face out. You shuffle in your seat, happy to be in your warm car despite how hot it had been all day, it had really cooled off in the evening. 

“I can’t wait for you to see it all.”

“Me too,” you smile softly, glancing down at your lap as you fiddle with the hem of your shirt. “But mainly I can’t wait to see you.”

“Just a week more,” Stiles reminds, voice gentle. “You think you can handle that?”

You snort, “I’ve handled the past three months haven’t I?” You quirk a brow challengingly, pushing your key into the ignition and turning it so your car is on. You wince when you realize how late it is. Mom was right when she said you were taking on far too much, it was already past ten’o’clock and you’d been here since eleven in the morning. 

“Besides, i’m sure it’s you whose struggling without me,” you add after a moment, “have you even unpacked anything besides your bed-sheets?”

“I unpacked some... clothes for class.”

“The one you needed my help buying may I remind.”

“Okay, okay,” Stiles relents with a snort. “I’ll admit, you’re better at keeping me in check then I am myself. But, to be fair, I’ve been too excited to care really otherwise.”

You nod, humming softly. “I’m really happy for you, Stiles. Truly.”

Stiles doesn’t really respond, he hums softly in return and doesn’t even really need to say anything for you to know he’s smiling brightly at your words. While the past few months have been difficult being apart, you called whenever you could. And Stiles was busy adjusting and getting used to the new environment to notice too much, and you’d taken on more shifts where you could at the hospital and even a little at the school towards the end of summer to help distract yourself.

Something told you Stiles was doing a lot better then you were being miles apart.

Inhaling deeply, you shoulders fall. “Well, I really should head home. It’s late and...”

“Oh, yeah... yeah, of course.”

Biting your lip, you swallow thickly. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Stiles says with ease, no hesitation. “And i’ll see you in a week.”

You smile at his words, but can’t fight the forbidding feeling welling in your stomach. You can’t rightly explain it, but while you were excited, more than, to see Stiles in a week; it just felt as if something was going to go wrong.

“I’ll see you in a week.”

You press end, pulling your phone from your ear and letting it fall on the seat next to you. You hesitate a moment before shifting your car into drive, gripping the steering wheel tightly in your hands as you let your forehead fall against it.

“Just a week,” you whisper to yourself. “One more week.”

-

“Oh, Liam.”

Slowing at the bottom of steps, Liam blinks at the sight of you. “Hey Y/N,” he pauses, frowning slightly, “You’re home... late.”

“Yeah,” you shrug, gesturing to your bag. “Hospital needed help with some things.”

Liam nods, stepping forward as you slip your shoes off, letting your bag drop to the floor. Silence echoes for a moment, before your mind clicks with realization of something. “Hey, you excited for senior year?”

Liam blinks, “kinda,” he shrugs, “gonna be weird without you guys here.”

You let out a lightly chuckle. “I can imagine. But,” and then you smile, brightly and warmly, meeting Liam’s gaze without hesitance. “I’m sure it’ll all work out. And hey! If you ever need help with school or something, i’m only a phone call away.”

Chuckling lightly, Liam smiles at you as you walk up the steps. “Thanks, Y/N.”

“No problem,” you nod, “Scott upstairs?”

“Yeah, he’s... he’s packing.”

“Ah, okay. Well, see you later?”

“Yeah, see you later.”

He moves to pull on his shoes and you send him one last wave with a bright smile, before turning to walk up the steps. The walk to Scott’s room is a short one, and the doors already open when you get there. You smile as you notice him trying to close a completely too full suitcase that looks as if it’s about to burst at the seams and even his werewolf strength isn’t enough to keep it shut.

“I think you need a bigger suitcase.”

Pulling to a stand, Scott glances back at you with a blink of surprise before glancing back down at the suitcase. “Yeah,” he mumbles, scratching at the back of his head. “I think you may be right.”

“Here,” you say gently, stepping into his room with ease and gesturing to the suitcase. “You push, i’ll zip.”

Scott frowns, shaking his head. “Liam and I already--”

“Just,” you cut in, turning to him as you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “Trust me?”

Meeting your eyes, Scott hesitates a moment before letting out a soft laugh. Holding his hands up in mock surrender, he nods, “okay,” he eases, stepping forward and grabbing the lid of his suitcase, pulling it down and pushing it shut. You act quick, grabbing the zipper and pulling. You manage to maneuver it all the way around until it’s completely zipped and shut.

Leaning back, you smile; “there, done.”

Scott falls back against his bed with a huff of relief, hands sprawling up above him as he cheers teasingly. You laugh lightly at the sight, quirking a brow down at him as he simply just glances back up at you. “I was sure I was never going to get that suitcase shut,” he breathes.

Snorting, you kick his leg lightly so he’ll move it, allowing you room to sit down. You do so with a light sigh, shoulders somewhat slumped as you glance around Scott’s room and how, even though not everything’s gone, it seems and feels so... barren.

Scott isn’t oblivious to your reaction either.

“Hey,” he calls softly, pushing himself up to his elbow. “You start packing yet?”

You shrug; “a little. Been too busy to.”

Sitting up completely next to you, Scott’s shoulder softly bumps into your own. “You’re not excited to go to Washington?”

“Of course i’m excited to go to Washington,” you say quickly, perhaps a little too quickly, turning to look at Scott. You sigh when you notice the look on his face, it pretty clear he sees completely through your forced lie. He’s knows you too well not to. “I am,” you reassurance, “it’s just... everything’s changing so quickly, you know? Malia’s leaving for Paris, Lydia got accepted into MIT, Stiles is training to be a freaking FBI agent, you’re going to be Vet Technician... and I still don’t even know what I want to do.”

“Y/N...”

Swallowing thickly, you glance down at your lap. “It just feels like everyone else is so organized. I mean, I’m excited to go to Washington and be with Stiles, God knows I am... but, i’m not going there for myself. I can’t remember the last time i’ve done something for myself.”

Scott’s hand falls over your own; “is there any colleges or universities there that interest you?”

You want to say yes. But part of you wants to say no too. Because you’ve looked. You’ve looked so incredibly hard but nothing seemed to feel right for you. And all you can really manage to say to Scott is a simple and somewhat lost; “I don’t know.”

Frowning, Scott swallows thickly. “I can hold off a week? I’m sure it’d be okay. Wait until--”

“Absolutely not,” you cut in before Scott even has the chance to say anything more. “Scott, no,” you whisper, squeezing his hand in your own. “I won’t hold back your life just because I don’t know what i’m doing with mine. You should go and you should be happy. I’ll... I’ll be okay. I’ll figure it out.”

Swallowing slowly, Scott nods, hesitant. “If you’re sure...”

“I am,” you smile, “of course, I am.”

-

“Oh, my gosh. You two brought me dinner? That’s really nice--”

“No,” Mason cuts in, “it’s not dinner.”

Turning at the sound of Mason’s voice, your brows furrow in confusion at the sight him and Liam. Your eyes flicker down the bagged container in Mason’s hands, understanding why your mother would assume it’s food. But, obviously, it’s not and that’s what catches your attention, picking up the speed in your step as you move towards them.

“It’s not dinner?”

You reach them just as Melissa glances into the bag, pulling it open enough that you manage a peek at it too. Your lips curve into an expression of disgust at the sight of it, pulling back similarly to how your mother does. “It’s definitely not dinner.”

Liam steps forward, meeting your eyes briefly before glancing over at Melissa. “We were hoping you could take a look at it for us.”

“Well,” Melissa smiles sweetly, “I was hoping that someone was going to bring me dinner. Now is not the time for a rat autopsy. So, take this and get yourselves out of here.”

“No, but we really--”

Melissa chuckles lightly, mockingly, pointing her finger at them; “no, out.”

Liam and Mason visibly slump in defeat, and with a light laugh, you turn to your mother. “Here,” you offer gently. “Dinner.”

Her eyes visibly brighten. “You’re a saviour,” leaning forward, she presses a quick kiss to your cheek. “Are you volunteering tonight?”

“No,” you shake your head, “but, I might go do a rat autopsy.”

Rolling her eyes, Melissa nods, pointing a finger at the two younger boys. “Keep them out of trouble.”

“Always!”

Picking up the speed in your step, you rush to catch up with Liam and Mason. “Boys, wait up!” They recognize your voice, slowing to a step with ease as you side-step nearly being hit and race around to get to them. They blink at you in surprise when you reach them, shaking their heads in confusion as you simply just blink up at them.

“So, what’s going on with the rat?”

It’s their turn to blink, dumbfounded, as they glance at one another before Mason lowers his gaze to the bag in his hands. “Um...--”

“--You started it. Back off!”

Gasping out in surprise, your eyes widen when you notice a man shoving another man back, both injured but clearly not really caring as they aggressively assault one another and spit words of insult towards each other. Your lips frown at the sight, not used to seeing such an act in the hospital of all places; and you’ve been spending a lot of your time here recently.

“Hey, now, that’s called assault!”

“Can I get security over here?” Melissa calls aloud, keeping her distance from the men.

Liam steps forward before you can stop him, moving to step in between the two men. He turns to the man who’d pushed the other, calling out as gently as he can; “sir, you need to calm down.”

But he’s interrupted by a sharp punch to the nose.

“Liam!”

He finds his feet quickly and your eyes widen when you notice the glow to his eyes and the fangs protruding from his mouth. One glance around and you know a lot more than just you and Mason have noticed it; including the man who’d punched him. “What the... What...”

The security guards arrive then, rushing to grab the two men who’d started the fight in the first place and therefore surrounding Liam. Your eyes widen when you notice the deep cuts he’s caused in his palms from trying to hide his claws. “Liam,” you call out, hoping he can hear you. You try to make your way over to him, but get blocked along the way, and you can tell Mason is trying to do same.

And in the midst of the chaos, you manage to lose him.

-

“You two cannot do that!”

Pausing, both Mason and Liam spin to face you as you slam your car door shut behind you. Their eyes widen when they notice how angry you are, taking a small shuffle back as you rush forward, crossing your arms over your chest with a deep-set frown. 

For a moment silence echoes.

You quirk a brow, as if waiting for them to speak, expecting a explanation; they glance at each other and then back to you.

“You ran off!” 

“Oh,” Mason mumbles, “we thought it was--”

“Fine?” You cut in sharply, shaking your head at them. “Are you kidding me?” Whirling round to set your attention on Liam, you narrow your eyes at him. “You lost control in the hospital, Liam! People saw! You’re not even the least bit concerned?”

Shrugging, Liam blinks, “people have seen far worst in Beacon Hills.”

“That’s not the point, and you know it isn’t,” you huff, crossing your arms over your chest. Stepping towards the two boys, you press a finger against Liam’s chest. “The point is it was you they saw. You. And I know Scott would agree with me.”

You hit a pressure point mentioning his alpha, you know. But you need him to understand, especially if you all weren’t going to be around soon to watch them.

“Look,” Liam sighs, “i’m sorry. I’m working on it, okay?”

“He really is,” Mason nods, hopeful that you’re a little less angry.

Letting out a sigh, your hand drops to your side. Taking a step forward, you wrap your arms around the both of them, pulling them close. It’s a bit awkward given that they’re a tad bit taller then you and you know they weren’t expecting you to just full on embrace them. But, you don’t relent your grip, squeezing them tightly.

Liam and Mason hesitant a moment, surprised.

“I just worry about you both,” you whisper, “that’s all.”

Setting his arm around your waist, Liam squeezes gently, as Mason pats your shoulder lightly.

“We know,” Liam whispers, “we’re sorry.”

“We really are.”

Pulling back, you shake your head at them, “I’m being silly. Sorry,” taking a step back, you move towards your car. “Go... study or whatever you were going to do,” then you pause, pointing a finger at them, “but you should study. Studying is good.”

Liam and Mason chuckle, nodding at you and waving as they turn and make their way into the school. You pause by your car, watching them until they’re both completely inside and out of eyesight. And then you let your eyes wander across the school, one of which you spent so much of your life in and now, was no longer even apart of it. 

It’s funny how fast things change. How it can happen with a single blink of the eye and then, everything’s just different.

Everyone was leaving, moving on with their lives. And you found yourself stuck, loss, unsure. Were you just going to Washington for Stiles? Or did you really hope to find something there for yourself? You wanted to be with Stiles, to see him, of course you did. But... you also had to find out what you wanted to do with your life, not just watch other people move on with their own.

Letting out a sigh, you move to stand up, moving towards your car door, however the sound of growling catches your attention. It’s faint, but loud enough that you can even hear it. And your head turns in the direction of the school when you realize it’s coming from there. And, it’s a lot of growling, faint banging, your first thought being Mason and Liam.

You shut your car door, rushing to the school doors and following the direction of where the growling is coming from best you can. It takes you a while, but eventually you manage to pinpoint the source, eyes widening when you turn down the hallway only to find Mason being knocked back and slammed into a set of lockers.

His name leaves your lips in a cry of worry, catching the attention of both Liam and a... Hellhound? as you come rushing in. You don’t notice it, too worried about reaching Mason, but something about you seems to catch the attention of the Hellhound and it turns it’s focus away from Liam and onto you, rushing towards you. 

“Y/N!”

It’s Liam and you blink when you feel an arm slam against you, pushing you up against the lockers directly next to Mason’s limp body. A cry of surprise leaves your lips as his arm moves to your neck, pinning you back and blocking off your airway as you struggle to breathe. It takes you a moment to catch yourself, eyes widening in confusion when the man you don’t recognize leans close, as if feeling for something.

“No,” he growls, “it’s not you either.”

You just huff, eyes flashing purple as you force him back, releasing your neck so you can breathe. The minute he’s off of you, you inhale sharply, catching your breath as you swipe your hand out before yourself, holding the man in place. Flames won’t work on him for obvious reasons, but you can hold him in place for Liam.

“Y/N,” Liam calls, slamming a locker door against the Hellhounds head, “Mason!”

Once you’re sure he’s got the man, you move towards Mason, crouching next to him and gently guiding him up into your lap. Your hands fall to his cheeks, making sure his pulse is still there and scanning for any worrying injuries. Other then a knock to the head, he seems okay.

A groan from Liam catches your attention, and your eyes widen when the Hellhound slices his stomach with it’s claws, creating a deep cut. But, before you can even move to help Liam, he’s recuperated enough to knock the man back, cutting him like he had him, before knocking him back to the lockers right beside you. The fire around his body fades and he slumps to the floor with a groan.

Liam’s does the same, breath trembling.

Your brows furrow in confusion when the man simply just laughs, head tilting back. “It won’t stay hidden,” he mumbles, voice low. “It must be stopped. Nothing else matters.”

You blink when you feel Mason shift in your grasp, Lowering your gaze, your eyes widen in relief when his eyes flicker open, moving to sit up. He glances up at you in confusion, eyes flickering around before landing on Liam and with a simple nod, you follow his lead, helping guide him up to his feet as the both of you rush over to Liam.

“...The truth...”

Mason slumps next to Liam, the both of them glancing at each other, before you.

Your head turns towards where the Hellhound had been, sighing when you notice it gone, leaving out a trail of blood along the lockers.

-

Helping Liam pull off his tattered and ripped shirt, you wince at the cuts along his lower stomach and chest. They’re bad, very bad, and they’re not healing quickly either; not as quickly as any of you would like.

“It should be healing faster than this.”

Glancing over at Mason, you catch the look in his eyes, pushing yourself up to your feet. “I’ll find something to wash the blood off.”

You move towards the bathroom portion of the locker room, grabbing some paper towel and moving to wet them as you listen in on Liam and Mason’s conversation.

“It’s Hellfire,” Mason reminds, “I mean, all things considered, you’re doing great.”

“Well, great isn’t supposed to look like this.”

“You fought a Hellhound on your own, without Scott.” 

“Y/N was there.”

Walking back over to the two boys, you crouch before Liam. “I didn’t really do any fighting,” you remind softly, moving to dab lightly over the wound. Liam winces as you go, but doesn’t fight you. Instead, the two boys keep their gazes on you as you clean his wound and continue. “And without you there, I don’t know what would’ve happened.”

Liam just shakes his head, leaning back.

Turning to Mason, you nod reassuringly as he shifts forward. “Wounds heal,” he breathes, “people move. Things change.”

“Yeah,” Liam mumbles, “still hurts though.”

Frowning, you pull back, dropping the blood soaked paper towel next to Liam on the bench. “It’s the best I can do,” you whisper after a moment, nodding at Liam before pushing back to stand up. Letting your hand fall on Liam’s shoulder gently, you squeeze it softly. “I should probably call Scott.”

-

“In case anyone forgot...”

Malia lets out a chuckle and you shake your head.

“Yeah I just said forgot,” Lydia calls, before turning to face the three of you. “We almost lost him last time.”

Scott nods, and you lower your gaze, not sure how to respond. Luckily, Malia does for you. “If this turns out to be something big, and we don’t call him...”

“He would kill us,” Scott finishes for her.

“Or maybe we should go back to the woods tonight and find the killer.”

“Scott? Y/N?”

You blink when they all turn to you. Inhaling deeply, you shake your head. “You guys didn’t hear his voice,” you explain, voice soft, a mere whisper. “He sounded really excited to be there.”

Lydia frowns.

“Y/N’s right,” Scott nods, “in his voicemail... I swear, I've never heard him sound so happy.”

An echo of silences follows for a minute.

“Uh,” Malia calls, stammering over her words. “Just play the voicemail.”

Nodding with ease, Scott moves to press play.

“Hey, Scott. So... I’m here. I’m in Quantico, Virginia, at the FBI. I’m at the freaking FBI. It’s real. I’m really here.” Lowering your gaze, you bite your lip, unable to stop the small smile the curls onto your lips at Stiles’ voice. “I told Y/N that I miss her and I can’t wait for her to get here. But just in case, remind her for me because I really am.” Eyes falling shut, you feel your heart plummet.

I’m not gonna make it there. Not yet, at least.

“Listen, Scott, whatever you’re doing right now, just make sure you’re still getting out of Beacon Hills. I mean, maybe you think you can’t leave, you know, like, the whole thing falls apart if you’re not there. Which I get, but you have to. I know you’re supposed to drive out tonight, so if you don’t call me back, just promise me you’re actually going. Just get in the jeep and go.”

Silence echoes as the voicemail ends, and you let out a sigh.

“I’m going to have to make up a lie, aren’t I?”

-

You sigh as the first ring echoes.

Your leg bounces in front of you, repeatedly, anxious as you listen to the second ring. Part of you hopes he won’t answer, and another part of you hopes Stiles will; that way you can just tell him and get it over with. Because you had absolutely no idea how you were going to tell him. Like... at all.

You couldn’t tell him the truth, that was clear.

But what could you say instead?

“Hey.”

Inhaling sharply, your eyes flicker shut as you tuck your chin into your chest, heart starting to pound. You’re too busy trying to come up with a viable excuse that you barely even register the slight peek in Stiles’ own voice, and you can’t see urgency at which he pounces his own leg. Up, down. Up, down. Up. 

Down.

“Hey, Stiles,” you smile softly just at the mention of his name, envisioning him in your mind and thinking about how badly you want to see him. And now, you don’t know when you will. “How was your day?”

“Good, good,” Stiles nods, “how was yours?”

“Long.”

Stiles hums. You find it odd he doesn’t want to talk more about his first day. Makes you wonder if something’s wrong, but, by right you can’t really question him on it because you’re being just as odd and suspicious as him.

“Everything okay?”

Licking your lips, you lean forward. “I won’t be able to make it next week.”

There’s a pause, then, “like... to Wash--”

“To you,” you conclude with a nod even though you know he can’t see it. “Some stuff with my mom has come up, and she needs me unfortunately.” It’s the first thing that comes to mind; you make a mental note of telling Scott so he’ll back you up in-case Stiles questions him. “I don’t think i’ll be able to make it there for another week, um, maybe longer. I don’t know.”

“Is...” And Stiles hesitates at this, as if the words caught in the back of his throat. “Is everything okay? Is Melissa hurt or--”

“She’s fine, it’ll just be easier to explain in person if I see you soon. When I see you soon, you know?” Letting out a soft sigh, you swallow thickly. “I’m sorry, Stiles. I really am. And I promise i’ll be there as soon as I possibly can and explain it all, but... right now...--”

“You need to be there?”

“...I need to be here.”

“Okay,” he whispers, and you can tell he’s disappointed. But he doesn’t fight you or question you any further. “Okay, I understand.”

Smiling with hurt, your hand moves to grip the necklace he’d given you at the end of summer, holding it tightly between your fingers. “I’ll see you soon?”

“I’ll see you soon.”

With a final goodbye, you hang up the call, slumping back against your bed with a sigh. You stare up at your ceiling with a deep frown marring your lips, not bothering to move even when you hear your bedroom door slide open, knowing without even having to look that it’s Scott.

“I’m officially the worst girlfriend ever.”

Letting out a light chuckle, Scott takes a seat next to you on your bed, glancing down at you. “You’re helping him by not telling him,” Scott assures you, setting his hand over your thigh in a sign of what he hopes is comfort. “He sounded really excited, didn’t he?”

Sitting up, you smile at Scott, nodding. “He did.”

-

Y/N....

“This is dumb, Y/N. What are you doing...”

You glance around at the trees and grass surrounding you, your flashlight truthfully not doing much to light up anything. Mind you, going to Beacon Hill’s very own forest in the middle of the night probably wasn’t the smartest idea either.

You had no idea where you were going. Or what you were doing for that matter either. You should’ve gotten Scott to come with you, or Malia. Hell, you could have even dragged Liam out of bed. You knew you were capable of handling yourself, but with a new threat that none of you really understood or really knew what it was, it probably wasn’t smart to be lost in the woods in the middle of the night, alone.

It was, in fact, dumb. Incredibly so.

But you’d heard his voice.

Y/N...

And you still could.

Theo. You haven’t heard him call out for you like that, telepathically or whatever, since he’d first been sent to hell. And he certainly wasn’t in hell anymore since Liam had sent him free and Scott had deciphered him no longer a threat. And you couldn’t understand why or really even how he was calling out for you. Nor could you understood why you’re so willingly searching for him.

When in reality you should be running the other way.

Running away from Theo.

Why your feet even lead you in the woods in the first place, you’ll never understand.

“You could get hurt,” you continue to ramble to yourself, trailing further down your imaginary path. “You could die. And what? For Theo...” Then, hesitating, you sigh. “Regrettably yeah, for Theo...”

Stupid. He doesn’t deserve that from you. Not after what he’d done.

And yet, you still continue to walk.

You wander aimlessly for at least another twenty minutes, finding nothing. Absolutely shit all. And you were tired, incredibly so, and you knew it was going to take you a while to even find your way back to your car, so, with that, you decide it’s time to turn around. 

Screw Theo. What had he done for you other then break your heart.

Just as you do, however, a tree branch cracks.

You halt in your steps, shoulders freezing as you slowly glance around, keeping your flashlight steady before you. You may be a witch, but your eyesight was still human and like before, you can’t see anything with your stupid phone flashlight. 

Another branch cracks. And then another, from two completely different directions.

“Hello?” You call out hesitantly, unsure. You take a small shuffle forward, searching, body tense with anticipation. “Hello? Is anyone there?”

It happens in a flash. A cry leaves your lips as an arrow pierces your left shoulder, digging into the skin painfully, knocking you back completely off your feet. Your body thuds against the ground, and your eyes twist shut for a moment as your right hands move to the arrow, hissing the second you touch it as pain envelops your entire body.

But the pain suddenly becomes less important when you hear approaching footsteps. A lot of them.

Shuffling back, you move against the tree behind you, pressing up against it with heavy, pounding breaths. You feel your heart pound erratically against your chest and now you’re sure you should’ve brought someone along because you have no idea what you’re going to do.

Your powers. You’re a witch.

A man approaches, crossbow in hand and you waste no time, despite the wave of pain that hits you, flashing your eyes at him and tilting your head just enough with a swipe of your hand to knock the man flying back, into a tree to your right. You effectively knock the man out, but footsteps continue to echo and follow. You do your best to keep up, eyes never fading from the purple hue until you feel your body and mind screaming at you in exhaustion.

You’re putting up a fight, but you don’t know if it’ll be enough.

Especially with how many there are. 

Because suddenly it’s no longer just two people running at you, it’s a whole group, surrounding. All their flashlights, which are a hell of a lot brighter then your stupid phone one, are flashing directly in your eyes, blinding you. it feels like staring directly into the sun and your eyes twist shut as you try to look away, but everywhere you look, there’s a bright light.

You still fight, best you can, heart racing in fear and worry, trying desperately to fight them off. But there’s too many. They surround your entire being, and with an arrow piercing your shoulder which aches painfully, you find yourself at a lost; more than that, terrified. There’s too many of them to fight off, especially when you can’t see anything but the shadowed figure of their feet in front of you because of their flashlights.

And if you can’t see, you can’t attack. You can’t even move your left arm.

Feeling vulnerable and terrified, your press your back further up against the tree behind you, letting out a groan of pain. “Please,” you whisper, voice echoing. “Please don’t--”

“Y/N McCall.”

You freeze at the familiarity of the voice.

He emerges from the crowd, and even though he stays hidden behind the blinding lights, you know it’s him. You couldn’t forget that voice, especially after all the turmoil he’d caused what felt like so long ago.

“Gerard...”

“Glad to see you remember me,” he laughs, stepping forward. You growl as he reveals himself to you, not allowing him to say another thing before your eyes flash, using the little bit of strength in your body you have left to swipe your right hand before you and knock him back. 

It causes an uproar. The blinding lights get closer until all you see is white, and then a blood-curling scream leaves your lips as the arrow is all but ripped out of your shoulder. You instantly curl into yourself, crying out in agony as hands grab at you. You fight them mercilessly, trying to break free from the many hands grabbing and pulling at you. But it’s useless.

There’s too many of them.

Weakened by your injury, no amount of struggling stops the people around you from tying your hands behind your back with a zip-tie that cuts painfully into your skin. A blindfold is placed over your eyes and you’re suddenly reminded of the fear and terror you’d felt when you’d been stabbed. You’d practice using your magic without sight but it was never a skill you’d mastered, and it certainly didn’t help that the pain was making your eyes feel heavy.

Nor did the group of people surrounding you help either.

With a last fight for survival, your eyes glow beneath the mask as your body begins to heat up. You can’t by right set yourself on fire, you won’t survive it, but if you push your magic to surround you almost as if in a barrier, it’ll be too hot for any of them touch and grab you like they are now.

You’re proven correct when a chorus of gasps echo and you’re body falls against the floor with a harsh thud. You groan as you fall right on your left shoulder, bringing your knees up to curl in yourself, you’re last attempt at protecting yourself.

“Ow, fuck!”

“She’s burning hot!”

“My hands!”

“You bitch!”

“Are you fools?” Gerard’s voice booms and you freeze at the sound of it.

“But-But she’s--!”

“Knock her out,” he says without fault, “we don’t need her awake right now.”

Your eyes widen at his words. Your feet start kicking beneath you and you struggle in your binds uselessly, the dull pinching from the zip-tie barely a bother as the thought of being knocked out and taken somewhere unconsciously more threatening and terrifying.

“No! No, wait! Please, don’t--!”

Your world fades to black as a harsh smack is delivered to your head.

-

Scott awakes with a gasp.

He’s sweating, profusely. Though, it isn’t the first thing he notices. He notices his racing heart, his panting breath and the pounding thoughts of terror that surround his mind that he can’t make sense of.

And then, it hits him.

Y/N.

You’re.... You’re in pain. His shoulder aches, a dull pain that stings as if he’s been stabbed with something but his skin is free of any scratches, cuts or even bruises. Because it’s you that’s hurt. 

But-But how? He’d... He’d just seen you...

You’re scared. Terrified. He can feel every racing thought that surrounds your head, but can’t actually hear them. Your fear mixes with his own and he jumps to his feet, grabbing the nearest shirt he can find and pulling it onto his body, running out of his room. He checks your room, but you’re not there. He runs down to the kitchen and you’re not there either.

When he checks outside, your cars gone too.

“Scott? Scott, what’s the matter?”

Turning back into the house, Scott’s wide, panicked eyes fall on his mothers own worried and concerned ones. Breathless and shaky, Scott shakes his head.

“Y/N... Y/N’s missing.”

-

Part 47?

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[popculturebuffet]

Amphibia Reviews: The First Temple or Bessie and Joe: The New OTP

Hello all you happy people! Amphibia season 2 moves right a long and it’s time for some video game shenanigans as we enter The First Temple! Family drama, snail on bird action, and outhouses await you under the cut with a recap/review with full spoilers. 

So we open with the Plantars having chocopillbug pancakes. Ironically my mom offered me chocolate chip pancakes after this and thank god for that. This is a rare treat to the point Anne didn’t even know they had choclate, and is suprisingly not strangling Hop Pop over this. Unsuprisingly he broke out the good stuff to try and make up for hiding the box and things are still VERY awkward between the two, with Hop Pop walking on Egghshells around Anne and Anne doing the same when he brings it up with both desperatley trying to avoid the subject and Sprig not helping by bringing it up a bunch. 

I like this a lot and didn’t really think about the series continuting any tension over his decision.. but should have. Partly because this is a modern animated show and most of this wonderful new wave of shows have a LOT of emotional nuance. ANd partly because this show dosen’t forget things even most nuanced shows forget: the fact the characters cause chaos and learn life lesons is outright RECOGNZIED by the show as a pattern and brought up quite often, as are the patterns that lead to it, like mostly being sprig and anne, anne’s impulsivness that sort of thing. It’s the kind of thing you just gloss over in most shows but this one lampshades to hell and back for funsies so when something THIS important happens, you’d better belivie it’s not just going to disappear. 

The tensions thankfully broken by a new arrival, as a massive sparrow shows up in the yard. “It’s a giant bird with.. books on it’s back.. what. “ Great delivery from bill there. Naturally it’s Marcy! 

I missed this little goober. Such a joy to be around, and she of course marvels over the Plantar’s house before getting back on track: She’s found the first temple.. even though she sent a letter saying that and it’s not commented on that she did. It set off the whole previous episode Marcy... you okay Mar-Mar?

That aside though it’s time for the first temple and Marcy asks for the Box, with Sprig trying to make a joke about how good thing she didn’t ask for it a week ago. 

Polly rightly punches him in the ribs... do frogs have ribs? Hold on.. okay here we go

Huh.. so they do not You learn something new every day. Well lack of ribs or no our heroes are ready.. while Marcy’s sparrow Joe is also ready TO GET IT ON. Yes really, he does a mating dance for Bessie, complete with an intersumental version of “Sylvia” from last season. God damn that bird’s got game. The only time i’ve seen more game is THIS. 

 Marcy tells him to knock it off. Look marcy your a pet owner now and as a pet owner, it’s your responsiblity.. to let your giant bird do horrifying things with a slightly smaller but still giant snail. it’s what nature intended. Nature was doing a lot of cocaine that day but we still honor her wishes. 

But anyways Marcy’s figure out something intresting about the box.. by winding it just right the gems pop out, which allows her to take one, we later find out it’s the green one, to use in the temple. So off we go with Marcy and the rest of the kids up top and Hop Pop.. screaming in Joe Sparrows claws. He’s fine. 

So while they get ready, Anne worries about the amount of puzzles and hazzards Marcy’s hyping for this but Marcy shurgs it off and gives her own big boast about how may RTS she’s beaten.. suspciously like Yuaan as one post on here pointed out. Not a huge suprise though, to Marcy she’d just be the grand hero out of one of her rpg’s and not think of how many people she probably killed or who she’s working for.. though you’d THNK given all the RPG’s both tapetop and on her switch she’s played, that Marcy would see that “the benevolent king turns out to be the big bad” trope coming. 

But Anne’s worry is not on the big bad of the show but on Marcy who has a tendency to get so in the zone she ignores the world around her, which goes from focusing on her game while helping anne get softserve leading to a mess, not letting Anne down in a play and.. Anne catching Marcy on tv as all the snakes escape from the zoo. 

Regardless our heroes arrive and while the awkwardness between anne and hop pop continues, they find a majestic temple.. and what appears to be an outhouse. Hey we all gotta poop sometimes, even people making a majestic temple.  If you don’t it comes out like this. 

So they head in and we get our first puzzle, a mysterious cube that lifts you into the air and allows you to tilt the thing around. 

Those of you wondering why I have such a strong reaction have ever never played breath of the wild or played it with a pro controller, i.e. NOT having to tilt the very thing your screen is on because Nintendo has failed to grasp that MAYBE people don’t like that, that it takes you out of the experince and that it’s really hard to focus on your screen while having to move the fucking system about. And the plantar’s getting horribly jostled around as she moves it is EXACTLY how it feels to play a puzzle requring that shit. 

Next is a color based tile dungeon leftover from Link’s Awakening DX. As marcy figures out the reds do fire and the blues do crushing... but she reads the language (And as she put earlier “Guess who learned an entire dead language?” God she’s precious. ) and finds a green with envy pun (Which Hop Pop takes offense to.. several of his friends are green.). Which is curious as given several citzens of amphibia are green.. why would they make a green pun? So she gets on one tile and Hop Pop plans to take the risk of getting on the other green tile, but Anne does it instead.. and things get heated between the two as Anne reveals she no longe feels like family since he did what he did for polly and sprig and hop pop takes offense as she IS. Even if he screwed up with her. But Anne’s near death experince activates the tile. 

The final challnge switches us from Zelda.. to Harry Freaking Potter. 

Now I used to love Harry Potter, with all of my heart. Then JK Rowling turned out to be a transphobic piece of shit who thinks she’s an ally, but is really a bigot who wants to “accept” trans people without giving them any rights. So yeah while I still love the starkid musicals, ore more accuratley the music from them, and own a copy of lego harry potter I got as a gift recently as both parties had no idea she was a monster when this stuff was made. Still a sore subject though, but if I didn’t bring up the similiarties I wouldn’t be doing my job as a critic and this was likely thought up long before JK outed herself as well...

No no the great mighty poo respects all peoples.. and wants to take their heads and ram it up his butt. He’s an equal opportunity butt rammer. 

Anyways this is the frog equivlent of chess flipfrog, and just like with Wizard chess, our heroes end up as the pieces minus marcy.. and in a nice twist on that scene, Anne ends up on the other side. Marcy is a grandmaster at it though so after an hour or so of play she almost wins.. only for the king equilvent to refuse to be taken and the automatic board she’s up against to send Anne against hop pop, and with our heroes magically restrained and given stone weapons, this can’t end well. Eventually though Anne’s forced to hit HOp Pop multiple times and while he says “well isn’t this what you wanted”, she says no.. she didn’t want to phsyically hurt him it’s just complicated. So we get one heck of an emotioinal scene as Hop Pop just wants to help and wants this to stop and dosen’t knoow how to fix this which as someone who desperatlyt ries to fix most emotional situations right away this hit very hard.. and her response of needing time hit harder. The two while not reconciled, ar ecloser to it and Marcy realizes what she’s done getting so obessed with winning and forfits for thier benifit. Our heroes leave, seemingly having lost.. only to find glowing arrows to the crap hole, which turns out to be the pedistal. The temple wasn’t just an intellegence test but empathy.. and the temples are clearly built to specifically test each of the chosen three, our heroines, specifically. Marcy’s tested her intellegence.. but also her willingness to let go of cold clyincal thought to do the right thing. That earns her her gem recharged and a flash in her eyes and her gem starts pointing to the next. She needs time to triangulate and hop pop and anne are back on workable footing... though our heroes offer to take a break instead of going to the next temple. 

Back in Newtopia, Yuaan reports on the toads gathering.. but dosen’t get to mentioning sasha before Marcy’s letter interrupts and Andridas oddly and aburbly dimisses her.. and goes to talk to a watcher with a thousand eyes, his “master” who has plans to undo the prophcey and get their revenge. 

Final Thoughts: This was a damn fine episode that gave Marcy some much needed character development, and gave the reveals of last episode some more emotiional fallout.  It also had some really great jokes as always. Top notch stuf. 

Next Time: Marcy tries to win everyone over through science and we FINALLY get an episode with the Frog Robot apparently. Horay

Next on this Blog: We go into final space yo! It’s unexpected births, ho yay, and horrifying zombie gary’s galore! 

Until then if you liked this review, follow me for more, join my patreon, comission a review if you please and i’ll see you at the next rainbow. Play us out jeff... and I haven’t done THAT bit in a while but eh. This song was too perfect. 

[snarkwrites]

08 | gangsta ; sweet pea

Notes:

SO.. I uhh... Got super into writing this recently. I just really liked where it was heading after part 7. Yes. Yes, I realize that literally no one asked for more of this but.. I wrote it. Might as well share it.

I need to amend what I said about this being non canon compliant. It does mention things that happen in canon. Some of them even.. Happen. But differently. And a little out of order as I saw they fit into my own personal timeline. Also.. I’m gonna throw in some totally of my own creation stuff into here as well. I don’t exactly know what all that’ll be yet, but.. Yeah.

This is the first of four parts I have already written and waiting to go. I know, I know.. Literally no one asked for this. But you’re getting it anyway.

Warnings:

non canon compliant - this is the biggest warning, so if you’re into things that follow exact canon plot you are… definitely not going to like this. angst & slow burn, heavy sexual tensionstarting now, actually - this is just so everyone who started reading this thinking the smut would transpire in a hurry knows that apparently, it is not. violence / swearing & fighting, possible underage drinking and other shenanigans- look.. it’s high school. shit happens. also apparently, my ofc Alyssa uses the word fuck like all the time?…eventual sexual content / a virgin original character- this one is self explanatory. yes, i plan to write a smutty chapter in this at some point. when? i don’t rightly know. it’s got a while before we get there.

Pairing:

Andrews!Sibling OFC, Alyssa x Sweet Pea

Other Parts:

[ one - two - three - four - five - six - seven -  soundtrack ]

Other Stuff:

[ faq - tag list doc ]

Tagging:

@brithedemonspawn​ is the only person on my Riverdale tag list. If you’d like to be tagged for this story by all means.. Please let me know. Please, I beg. It’d make me super duper happy!!!

                                             EIGHT.

“ Al?”

I turned down my radio and strained to hear. It almost sounded like Polly calling my name from the bottom of the stairs. I wandered over to my bedroom door, peeking out. Polly stood at the foot of the stairs, holding her twins on each hip. A smile played at my lips and I bounded down the stairs, launching myself into a careful hug. Fussing over the twins because I’d been dying to see them since the night Polly added me on Snapchat before everything went down the way it did.

She’d sent me a message that night, telling me she was pregnant and that she and Jason were leaving. She’d been planning to swing through Chicago with Jason and visit, on their way to wherever it was they’d planned to go. When it never happened and I didn’t hear from her again, I’d been worried for a while.

Then Betty realized that she’d been keeping in touch with me over Snapchat right after she went missing and she’d messaged me, asking if I’d seen Polly. When I told her I hadn’t and asked what was going on, she’d filled me in on everything.. Jason’s death and Polly’s fight with their parents and then Polly running away.

The rest filled itself in when I moved back in with my dad, for the most part. I found myself trying to stick close to Cheryl, because I knew she was taking it really hard. Because Jason had been like the third of us. Honestly, it hit me pretty hard too when I found out. Especially when Cheryl did that thing she always fucking does and tried to push me away. Tried to deal with it herself.

I’d given myself over to the thought Polly wasn’t ever going to return to Riverdale, so I was a little shocked that she was here. And staying under the same roof as her mom again.

“The last thing Betty told me was that you were living on a farm. I bet that was peaceful.” I stretched and smiled at her. Just imagining the lazy days that probably stretched on and on. The slow and quiet life.

Polly smiled, nodding. “I learned so much there.”

I nodded. “What was it like?”

We moved to sit on the couch and Polly began to tell me what she’d been up to. I listened, nodding and smiling. But the entire time she described this place, God help me, I found myself getting flashbacks to the true crime podcast I’d listened to about the Jonesboro cult. Or the Davidians from Waco.

I mean… it sounded harmless enough, but everything she told me about the place just made me think less of a commune and more of a cult type setting. And that had me worried.

The front door was being pounded on. When I heard Reggie calling my name through it, I grumbled. Polly gazed at the door and then at me. Smirking. “No way! I always thought you and Reggie would be cute together!”

“Whoa.. Let’s not get all happy.” I shook my head, frowning a little. Telling her in detail what actually happened and that we were broken up. She shook her head, frowning. “That’s a jerk move. Betty told me you were on the Vixens now?”

“Yeah. You know Cheryl. She’s always had a way of talking me right into shit I normally wouldn’t do. And Riverdale High didn’t exactly have a gymnastics team like my old school in Chicago, so I decided rather than go rusty and lose my edge, I’d join.” I shrugged, laughing and shaking my head. “It’s not so bad, I guess.”

She nodded to my outfit for the day. Ripped jeans, a Motley Crue t shirt and my favorite boots, my dad’s old plaid shirt. “You mean the other Vixens haven’t read you for filth for daring non conformity?”

“ Oh, there’s this one girl I’m dying to get my hands on when we do that powderpuff football game on Friday, but other than her, nobody really seems to care or notice? I’m just kinda.. There. Which believe me… is totally fine with me.” 

I bent down to pick up Dagwood so that Polly could feed Juniper because she was crying. Adjusting Dagwood to my hip, I made my way over to the door, throwing it open. Scowling up at Reggie, who was leaning against a porch post.

His gaze softened when he glanced at me. I bit my lip. Taking a deep breath to keep my patience. I knew he was hurting. I knew it was also totally his fault. But I was trying not to be mean.

“What do you want?”

“Are you seriously dating that fucking guy now? Princess, he’s only going to hurt you.”

“No worse than you already have. But no.. No Reggie, I’m not dating Sweet Pea. I just fell asleep in Mr. Keaton’s class and I happened to wind up leaning against the guy. Kind of happens when I stay up until 3 watching the Saw movies.”

He looked as if he didn’t believe a thing I said. I shrugged because honestly, I didn’t care if he believed me or not. Shifting Dagwood from one hip to the other. Bouncing him a little, giving a soft laugh when he grinned up at me. And raised his little hand to try and grab a handful of the ends of my hair.

“ That guy is bad news, princess. If I have to, I’ll talk to your dad. Anything if it means keepin you from gettin seriously hurt. Or worse, put in danger.”

“Reggie, you need to go.” I rolled my eyes. “I should get back inside. Get Dagwood back to his mommy.”

Reggie was giving me this soft look again. Nodding. Like he was lost in thought. I snapped my fingers in his face and cleared my throat. “You need to go, Reggie. I’m not kidding. The more you pop up and try to force me to deal with this, the less it makes me want to, okay? I need space. Time.”

“It’s just so hard, princess. Then I see you around with him and damn it, I hate the way I acted and the fact that I ruined everything.” Reggie admitted quietly. I nodded. “Just give me space.”

“I’ll try.” he promised, turning, walking down my porch steps. From the doorway, Polly spoke up.

“Sweet Pea.. He’s a Serpent, right? Jason mentioned him once or twice.” Polly asked as she reached out for Dagwood and gave me Juniper to hold.

I settled Juniper on my hip and gazed at Reggie’s retreating back. Sighing and shaking my head sadly. I just wish he’d understand that the more he tries to force himself on me right now, the less I want to deal with everything. And I don’t want to lose a friend.

I diverted my gaze and turned to face Polly, nodding. “Yeah. I got paired with him in Biology. It’s been interesting, to say the least.” I sank down to sit on a bench my father built, laughing as I shook my head. Cooing at Juniper. 

Polly cleared her throat. “Out with it, Alyssa Jean. I know that look too well, okay? And as your friend, I need to tell you now that the Serpents aren’t people you mess around with lightly. Not to mention, that whole thing with that guy Dave you had going in Chicago. The scary guy? The reason your mom freaked out and sent you here to live in the first place, most likely?”

“It’s nothing. It’s dumb.” I shook my head. Shifting Juniper around in my lap. Bouncing my legs a little to make her grin and reach up. “Dave was scary. And I’m starting to see that my mom did a good thing sending me here. I’m just glad he hasn’t tried to reach out to me.” I shivered a little, raising a hand to drag it through my hair. Gazing at Polly.

“The Serpents aren’t all bad.” I spoke up after a few seconds.

“Al, half of them already have rap sheets. I just don’t want you getting mixed up with them and getting hurt. Promise me you’ll at least give anything you’re thinking a lot of thought instead of just diving in and doing it?” Polly eyed me in concern. Mostly to appease her, I nodded.

“As far as Reggie.. I think he really regrets what he did.” Polly advised. Giving me a smile. Clearly trying to steer me in a particular direction. I know she was doing it with the best of intentions, but deep down, it struck a nerve or two. Because literally anyone I could think of save for Cheryl and Toni, they all seemed hell bent on steering me clear of Sweet Pea. Which was ironic, considering I really don’t see him ever even giving me a second look. Even more ironic when you stop to consider that it’s not like I’m openly throwing myself at the guy...Or that I’ve pretty much made up my mind that if I do feel anything for him, I can’t ever actually tell him, because it will ruin everything.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I decided against it. Polly gave me a soft smile, getting a dreamy look in her eyes as she spoke again. “The look he was giving you just now, Al.. If you gave him half a chance… you could be as happy as Jason and I were. Or as happy as I was raising my sweet angels at the Farm. You should come to a meeting with me.”

I shook my head quickly to that one. “I am.. Not into organized religion. I barely go to the services at the church here unless my dad really wants me to go with him. Besides.. We both know that I got up to enough sketchy stuff in Chicago that if I were to step foot in a religious building, lightning might just strike me down.”

“You weren’t that bad, Al. Everyone makes mistakes.” Polly laughed softly. Nodding to her twins as she mused, “Which one of us got knocked up, hm? And we both know how fast that gets you written off here.”

“ I know I wasn’t that bad, but also at the same time, it scares me now to think back and remember how much fun I had when I was in over my head, doing things I knew I shouldn’t ? As far as you getting pregnant and what this town thinks about it. Honestly, fuck ‘em. You and Jason were really in love. That’s what matters.” 

“We really were. But it was hard.” Polly admitted quietly. Adding as an afterthought, “ I really miss him sometimes.”

“Yeah. Me too. Pretty sure he’d have helped Archie drill Reggie’s head into the floor when it got around exactly why Reggie was even dating me to begin with. It was ridiculous. Took Jughead and Kevin to pull the two apart.” I gave a quiet laugh, shaking my head. 

Alice was calling for Polly and Polly grumbled, raising up to peek out the window. “I better go over there and see what she wants. I wanted to come over. Maybe I can come by again later or something?” Polly asked as she gathered Juniper and Dagwood, re-swaddling them against her. I smiled, nodding. Following her to my door, letting her out and locking the door again behind me once I saw her disappear inside her parents house.

XXX

“They’re going to tear down South Side.”

The words had Sweet Pea tensing because it was just another thing he’d be losing. It wasn’t enough apparently, that he was living in the Wyrm because he had nowhere else to go. He didn’t have family willing to take him. His mother hadn’t spoken to any of them in years. He barely saw his mother as it was, she’d come home for a day, a week tops and then she’d be gone again.

He gazed over at Fangs, processing what Fangs was telling him. “First it was closing the school down. Then it was our homes. What next, huh? What else do we have to get taken?”

Jughead wandered into the Wyrm and Sweet Pea scowled a little. It didn’t matter how much Jughead was trying to do for the gang, what he was accomplishing was the opposite of what needed to happen. “The fuck is he doing here?” Sweet Pea nodded to Jughead.

“He’s one of us, man.” Fangs reminded Sweet Pea. Glancing at Jughead as Jughead made his way over. He’d probably just heard the news about South Side High too. Though Fangs didn’t see why it mattered

“Only because of FP. Cherry’s more one of us than he is. I still say the second we’re not useful he’s going to bitch out and turn his back.”  Sweet Pea grumbled.

Fangs chuckled, shaking his head. Sweet Pea hadn’t ever made a secret how he felt about Jughead. And he certainly hadn’t taken it easy on the guy when they initiated him into the Serpents not so long ago, either.

Jughead sat down next to where Fangs was standing, grabbing himself a drink from behind the counter and pulling the tab. Taking a long sip.

“We have to do something. They’re taking everything from us.” Jughead spoke up angrily.

“I’d like to point out they’re your friends.” Sweet Pea spoke up, a harsh tone as he glanced over at Jughead.

“I’d like to point out that we all know you have a thing for one of them. If you’re going to sit there and pin this on the North Side like usual, I mean. At least own up to that.” Jughead retorted, watching Sweet Pea’s fists clench and his face twist into an angry mask. Trying to keep himself from laughing as it happened.

Sweet Pea having feelings for Alyssa wasn’t quite as well hidden as the guy thought.

The only one who didn’t seem to be aware of it was Alyssa herself. It amused Jughead.

It did not amuse Alyssa’s brother.

And the two had already had several heated conversations about him hanging around Alyssa so much that Jughead had to intervene on more than one occasion.

“I keep telling you idiots I don’t. I’d trust her before I would you, Jones. If we’re going there.” Sweet Pea muttered.

“Whatever you say, Pea. Can we stop arguin? Maybe start thinkin about what the fuck we’re gonna do?” Fangs patted his friend on the shoulder and Sweet Pea glared up at him.

“A hunger strike. We chain ourselves to the school. They can’t demolish it if we’re not moving.” Jughead suggested.

Fangs and Sweet Pea shared a look. Neither were sure their idea would work. But maybe it could buy them some time. Or get attention to the issues at hand… The more attention they drew to the fact that certain people were trying to use their money to completely run an entire neighborhood out of town, the better their case.

“That’s not the worst idea.”

“I hate what I’m about to say.” Sweet Pea paused, grimacing as he added, “It’s not. It’ll get attention on what’s happening. I hated saying that, fuck.” 

“Let me go talk to the others. We’ll reconvene at 9 tonight?”

Fangs and Sweet Pea nodded and Jughead went to talk to some of the other Serpents.

“That killed you, didn’t it buddy?” Fangs teased Sweet Pea.

“Fuck you, Fogarty.” Sweet Pea snapped, grumbling to himself. “Doing somethin is better than just sitting back and lettin them take everything, I guess.” 

And at 9:30 pm that night, Jughead, Fangs, Sweet Pea and Toni as well as several other former South Side students met at their old school. Chaining themselves to the fence in protest.

[essaysfromthedeep]

Wash, rinse, repeat.

A little bit about being Southern, gay, and estranged.

CW: Suicide mention

Where I am now is exactly why I didn’t want to come out in the first place. I was terrified as a teenager that I would have to leave my family behind to be happy. It turned out to be true.

I figured out when I was 17 that I was attracted to girls. I had a boyfriend. It wasn’t going well. It wasn’t his fault, of course. I tried and tried to be okay with dating him, but I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt three months in that I didn’t feel the same way about him. I just didn’t know why for another few months. Or I didn’t want to admit why. I’m not sure the distinction matters at this point.

I remember which class I was sitting in the first time I wrote down “I think I like girls.” It was almost lunch time, I had no friends in there and no one was paying any attention to me. I put it in a journal I later burned. It was terrifying and imprinted itself on my memory. It was also a truth I couldn’t outrun any more.

I wasn’t expecting that coming out would be so similar to the stages of grief. I remember being so angry. I tried to kill myself. An expression of anger, fear, and disappointment.

I tried to kill myself on Valentine’s day because my boyfriend so desperately wanted to spend time with me, but I couldn’t stand the thought of it. I knew exactly where I’d rather be and why. I couldn’t take it any more.

I took, what I thought to be at the time, a lot of pills, and drank, what I thought to be at the time, a lot of alcohol. And laid down to go to sleep. I started feeling very ill and couldn’t fall asleep. I remember praying. “Okay God, if I survive this, it means you want me to be gay. And if I don’t well, I guess I’ll find out if you’re going to send me to hell for it.”

I threw up all night. The next day I felt like death warmed over, but I was alive. Now came the hard part, figuring out how to be gay. It took me 6 more years to come out in any kind of public way. I told my closest friends in high school, but that didn’t go so well. I came out as bisexual. Which, I am not. But I couldn’t be a full on lesbian yet.I wasn’t ready to give up.

I was still desperately hoping some boy would come along and fix me. Someone, anyone! That they would love me enough somehow and, even though I would never feel the same way about them, that it would be enough. It didn’t work out.

My first few years of being out to myself were full of this kind of bargaining. “I’ll just be alone forever and that will be fine. I don’t need a relationship.” I had resolved to stay in the small, rural town I had grown up in and just be the person my family wanted me to be. But the idea of being forced to be alone became unbearable. I had finally let go of some of my self hatred and honestly I wanted so badly to hit on women. Being a lesbian sounded amazing, if I could just figure out how to do it!

In college it still took awhile for me to come out, again.

I was technically bisexual at that point, so the assumption was this was a phase. I was so tired of the implication that I’d just eventually like a dude! I knew I wouldn’t. I kept pretending. Latching on to dudes left and right because I assumed (rightly) that there was more to lose when I let everyone know there would be no more men for me.

I tried to date exactly one guy in college. Attempting to be the person he wanted me to be was like cutting off parts of myself. I kept trying to make myself into something that I wasn’t to make men happy, when I was already pretty sure that I wasn’t at all interested in men or making them happy. I ‘broke up’ with him after four days.

I wish I could say that was the end of my misadventures with men, but it wasn’t. It was the last time I tried to date one. Everything else was just drunken mistakes in an attempt to try to make myself into a straight girl.

I finally gave it all up when I was 23. I had been fighting and fighting and fighting for years. I slept with one woman and it’s honestly laughable to me at this point that I ever thought I was straight.

That’s the only reason I decided to come out to my family at all.

After stumbling upon the (finally sober) realization, that I was decidedly uninterested in men, I realized that I would need to tell my family.

I didn’t want to, but I’m a terrible liar. And honestly, I was so tired of being afraid of them. To be clear though, when I came out I was still terrified of them. My timing could have probably been better, but that’s not how life is.

I decided to come out the weekend I graduated from college. I was sure, certain, in fact, that it would be alright. We would be riding the high from my accomplishment (2 degrees!) and they would love me regardless. I would tell them and then we would have a nice Christmas.

I have not been to a Christmas with my family since then.

I graduated right about the same time as all that Duck Dynasty nonsense where that guy said really homophobic stuff in GQ back in 2013. Well, my sister spent the entire weekend talking about it. Agreeing with him. Being angry because the show got dropped. “Gay people need to learn their place.” I could still direct you to the booth we were sitting at in Steak’n’Shake when she said that. There are some things that just stick with you. All gay people were going to hell anyway, why should it matter that he said it! And how dare A&E cancel them!

I left after that. Saying I was tired and didn’t want to go back to the mall. I had some friends to hang out with. Whatever excuses I could come up with. Really I went to my apartment and talked with my girlfriend for hours and hours about what I should do. I didn’t feel safe going home with them at that point. My family isn’t known for solving these kind of disagreements peacefully. And my family disagreed with my existence. What’s a girl to do? I ran away with my girlfriend for Christmas.

And this is where the Southern part of my story starts rearing its ugly head. My girlfriends parents were not sure about hosting me. I should be at home with my family. I didn’t know how to tell them, I didn’t feel safe with my family.

There’s this stigma about not being in touch with your family. Like it’s some kind of easy choice to cut them off. I already knew what my family thought of me, why am I required to open myself up to further abuse? Why am I required to submit myself to them for in-person derangement.

After the fact, when we were discussing it my mother said to me “Were you scared I was going to shoot you?” And yes. I was. That’s the thing. I know how my mother reacts. I react in similar fashions sometimes. A blind rage. You can’t see anything but your anger. I felt I was taking my life in my hands if I went home and came out. And who would know if they killed me and buried me in the back yard? Who would care? There are lots of pig farms in Arkansas. There are lots of places to hide a body.

Perhaps this is horrifying for me to say, but it was a natural conclusion for me. There are many people where I’m from who would have understood why my family did it. A jury of their peers wouldn’t convict them.

After that we tried for a few years, but the problem is I wanted it all.

I can read my parents like a book. They were so uncomfortable in my presence.

Growing up my father only referred to gay men as faggots. I had only ever heard gay used as a slur until I was in high school at least. It definitely wasn’t truly de-stigmatized for me until I was in college.

And about three years after I came out to my parents, I was tired of being tolerated. I didn’t want them to think I was disgusting. I wanted them to be able to look at me. I wanted them to be able to say the word gay and it not be a slur. And so I confronted them about it.

And my mom told me that she can only accept my relationships that are ‘biblical.’ She will never accept my marriage. And so I decided that I wasn’t going to live my life in pieces, and I told her to contact me when she could accept me for everything that I am, and that includes being a lesbian.

And now I don’t know what to do.

My family always made it very clear that if you didn’t talk to them in life, you shouldn’t show up at their funerals. I don’t know whether to grieve now, later, or both. I assume both makes the most sense.

This is excruciating, but it’s still better than sitting across the table from my mother and seeing the disgust in her eyes. The fear. Knowing that she thinks there’s something wrong with me.

My mother’s love is conditional. She loves in the hope that it will make me change. That I will repent and be born again, again. That it can save me. That she can make me straight.

After being the ‘sinner’ that’s been ‘loved’ for so many years, I have to say it feels less like love and more like coercion.

I feel like I’ve chosen the lesser of two evils. Trying to maintain contact with my family is destabilizing. So I’ll live with the guilt and the shame of not talking to the people who conceived me. I’m not sure what I continue to owe them though.

My mother left me a voicemail last week. She claims she doesn’t know what she’s done to “upset me.” She thinks I’m just punishing her because I’m mad. I’m not mad. I’m painfully aware of how little there is left of me for her to love. I won’t change. Why do I have to expose myself to her obvious disdain? What obligations do I owe her?

She brought me into this world, but the truth is she doesn’t want me. She wants whatever version she keeps of me in her head.

It’s much harder to love people as they are. And what I am now is so far removed from what she wants, I just don’t see why I have to keep trying. She isn’t going to meet me halfway, and I have to give up everything I am.

There’s no voice I can turn my mother to that teachers her to love me. The people my mother respects hate me. They teach I’m the reason why Jesus will soon return and wipe people like me from the face of the Earth and put us in hell where we belong.

I’ve heard “Blood is thicker than water” so often that I can’t help but feel like the asshole in this situation. Oh, what I’m doing to my poor mother! Have we considered what she’s done to me?

I’ve always been aware of how tenuous my relationship with my parents was. I knew there were parts of me they could never love. I’ve been keeping secrets since I was a child, hoping that I could be good enough one day that they’d like every piece of me. I’d settle for like, I think.

I grieve for my childhood. I wonder, often, what it’s like for kids who’s parents love them unconditionally. It’s difficult knowing that is something I will never experience.

I can���t blame my mother for it. I don’t think it was something she was ever capable of. It’s about as useful as being mad at the rain. There’s nothing I can do to change it.

I always want these kinds of things to have a lesson. I would like to wrap it up nice and tidy, but this is all messy ends and unfinished work.

The anger has run out of me and all that was left to do was this. Hollow myself out so the pain and sadness can’t grow and fester until they try to kill me again. You face them, you name them, you find a way to get up the next morning. You do things that make you happy. You wait for them to make you happy again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

[eldritchsurveys]

1090.

Can you say you are fully happy right now? >> Some surveys have such standard and generic questions that I can’t rightly tell if I’ve already taken it. This is one of those, and because it’s so long I’m hoping to god I don’t get to the middle of it and be like “oh. I did this literally last week” lmao. Fingers crossed. I don’t know what “fully happy” means. I took my walk like I promised myself, and I made an offering and am now drinking it (it’s delicious, a dessert stout called Big Luscious), so I’m on track for how I wanted my day to go. And I’m not triggered or having any kind of episode, so I’m okay there. Which means I am currently stable, which is a great place to be (considering the alternatives).

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? >> It’s possible, I guess.

Is there someone who stopped talking to you for no reason? >> I mean, probably, at some point. Ghosting is a common thing these days, for some reason.

Did you ever get called horrible names like (whore, skank, bitch)? >> Sure.

Where did you sleep last night? >> In my bed.

Ever slow danced with anyone? >> Yes, outworld and Inworld. Inworld is obviously the best, though. ~

Ever cried in public? >> Yes. Privacy and solitude was a rarity and a luxury for most of my life, so I had no real choice.

Ever feel safe in someone’s arms? >> Inworld, yes. I don’t know what that’s like outworld.

What would you do if you were pregnant? >> Die.

Are you afraid of letting anyone in? >> So, I have disordered attachment, am a product of CEN and CSA, and have resultant CPTSD. You do the math. (*makes some kind of joke about how it’s probably gonna be algebra because of all the acronyms--*)

Do you like cuddling? >> I love it Inworld. It basically gets me through everything. I would basically remain glued to Can Calah at all times if I could (and on some bad days, I do). Outworld is a completely different story because of the things mentioned just above.

Ever cry in school? >> I’m sure I have.

Who is the last person to send you a message on facebook? >> Probably Casey, like a month and a half ago.

Do you look decent when you wake up? >> Why am I paying attention to how I look when I wake up? I’m in bed. Who the fuck am I performing for? -___-’

Have you ever been given roses? >> No.

Had a long distance relationship? >> Yes.

Does it bother you when people never answer their cell phones? >> Why would that bother me? I am also one of those people. Oh, I guess you mean, like... I call a person, they never answer... hah, as if I would ever call a person. This is totally outside my experience.

Do you care what happens in politics/your government? >> I mean... here’s the thing. I care in the sense that I’m not totally disconnected from the effects of politics on people like me. But the realm of politics, specifically, is so alien to me that I have no idea what to do about it except halfheartedly vote and hope for the best? I don’t know how much more I’m supposed to care. I hate the political system, period, I want nothing to do with it. People assume that anyone that feels that way must be privileged and unaffected by politics, but I guess their shortsightedness about how different people can experience and feel about things is not my problem.

Ever been called babe/baby? >> Sparrow says “babe”.

Have you ever witnessed someone else engaging in a sexual act (not necessarily sex)? >> Yes.

Where did you get drunk last? >> I don’t remember. I don’t get drunk anymore, I just like to drink a beverage and enjoy the taste and slight buzz. Like right now, it’ll probably take me the next hour or two to finish this stout, but that’s the way I like to drink. Slowly and comfortably.

What’s your relationship with the last person you texted? >> I’m married to her.

If someone went through your pictures, would they find a dirty one? >> Nope. The only time I ever took nudes was just for the fun of it, not to be sexual or anything. Just enjoying having a human body (god, I wish that were me now...). But that was a long time ago and none of those photos are available anywhere anymore.

Do you want to see anyone right now? >> No.

Have you ever fell asleep in someone’s arms? >> Inworld, yes. Outworld, no.

How long does it take for you to fall asleep at night? >> About a half-hour after laying down, usually. Some nights a little longer, but then I just catch up on my reading.

How many pillows are on your bed >> Two.

When’s the last time you cried? >> Yesterday.

Is it cute when a guy buys you flowers? >> I mean, I’d require more context than that. If I’m friends with a guy and he’s like “I saw these flowers and thought of you!” that’d be adorable. I do love flowers, thanks for thinking of me! Also, I’ll probably use them as an offering, so double win. If some random guy sent me flowers, I’d be a bit disturbed and put-off.

Will things change in the next month? >> I mean, yes. That’s how it works.

How did you do on the last test you took? >> ---

Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t? >> I mean, yeah. Are you afraid to grow up? >> ---

Are you busy tomorrow? >> Probably not, unless something really unpredictable and abnormal happens. I might be plenty busy playing FFXIV, though, considering I can’t today because it’s patch day.

How long have you had the shirt you’re wearing? >> It’s an undershirt, idk how long I’ve had it.

Do you give out second chances way too easily? >> Er, I assume not? I’m not usually in this kind of situation.

Has anyone told you that you’re amazing? >> Yes.

How many black shirts do you own? >> Like 15. For reference, I own like 20 shirts total.

Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now? >> I don’t see why I wouldn’t be. A lot of weird and sudden shit would have to happen to change that.

How come you’re not going out with the person you like? >> ---

When you feel cold does eating warm food help you feel warm? >> I don’t know. I do feel warmer after eating, just in general, probably because of the blood moving around to start digestion.

Do you want to diet? >> No. No I fucking do not. Don’t even suggest that to me.

Are you unsure about your feelings for someone? >> I’m not unsure about my feelings for anyone. I know how I feel about people. It’s other people whose feelings are a complete mystery to me.

Who did you last hang out with? >> Sparrow, because we live together.

Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car? >> I mean, obviously the money, since I can’t drive and don’t want to...

What song are you currently listening to? >> None.

Are you happy with your relationship? >> It’s fine.

Who was the last person to smoke something other than a cigarette or weed in front of you? >> Other than a cigarette or weed?? So, like... crack???? I really couldn’t say. It’d be years ago.

Does anything on your body hurt? >> Not right now.

If the last person you kissed were calling you right now, would you answer? >> I would, because if she’s calling me, then it must be a real ass emergency. Or probably like an EMT using her phone to find an emergency contact. So yeah, I’d answer. One of the very rare times I’d answer my phone.

In the run of a week, how many times do you straighten your hair? >> ---

Are you mad at someone right now? >> Nope.

Last thing someone gave you? >> I don’t remember.

Who woke you up this morning? >> Just me, naturally.

Who is your favorite family member on your mom’s side? >> ---

What do you do in your spare time? >> All my time is "spare” time, by other people’s standards, so, uh...

Who was the last person you were under a blanket with? >> Just Can Calah. :B

Where is the last person you kissed? >> Inworld.

What was the last thing you ate? >> Veggie burger and chips, breakfast. I’ll probably grab some lunch and queue up a movie after this.

Which of your friends is the most likely to get pregnant right now? >> ---

Do you remember the meanest thing the last person you kissed ever said to you? >> I don’t think she’s said anything particularly vicious to me. Just... kind of thoughtless things, I guess, earlier on.

What does your last outgoing text say? >> It was a link to a TikTok of a cute dog.

Have you ever been called prince/ princess? >> No.

Waiting for something? >> No. Well, the Dinnerly box, which is gonna get here eventually and which I’ll have to go downstairs to retrieve and then unpack.

Have you kissed anyone when you’re single? >> Yes.

What are you doing this weekend? >> I imagine the same things we do every other weekend in these COVID times.

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? >> I imagine so.

Have you ever kissed someone who was in a relationship? >> Yeah. Where is your biological father right now? >> ---

Where is the biggest scar on your body? >> Probably the one on my face. How late did you stay up last night? >> Not very. I think I went to sleep shortly after 11. Have you had your birthday this year yet? >> Yeah, in May. You had to kiss the last person you texted, would you? >> I mean, I have. What would you call your body type? >> I don’t want to call it anything. Are you a morning person? >> Yes. Have you ever been to Target? >> Yes, many times. Do you like iced coffee? >> It’s okay. When is the next time you’ll be at work? >> --- Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? >> Not that I can recall. Could you ever be friends with someone that broke your heart? >> Probably not. I take that kind of shit super fucking hard. Ever made a prank phone call? >> No. Does your mom vacuum early in the morning, when you’re sleeping? >> --- Have you ever been in a car accident? >> No.

Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone? >> Yes.

Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? >> Physically? I assume not. Have you ever had stitches? >> Yes. Name a time when you had to be strong. >> Like... all the time? I don’t really know how to answer this. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting or any kind of abuse at home? >> The first two, no, because my parents were not together. The third, yes. Have you ever lost someone close to death? if so, how many? >> Once. Have you ever had any volunteer jobs? >> No. Have you gone through a lot emotionally growing up? >> Obviously. Has a boy/girl ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend for you? >> I really would not want anyone to do that. Anyone that can disrespect the rules of their current relationship so flagrantly is going to disrespect me next. Also, that’s a messed up thing to do to the third party, too. Do you want to see someone this very minute? >> Not especially. Unless it’s D. :)

Are you happy with the way things are going? >> Some things, sure. Are you a forgiving person? >> Sometimes, I guess. It’s not what I’d call a character trait of mine, though. Do you have to check in with your parents before you go someplace? >> --- Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? >> --- Describe how you feel about your life in the past month using one word: >> I cannot do that. Would you like to go back and change any part of your life? >> I mean, I don’t know. I am who I am, and that’s because of what I’ve experienced. I don’t know who I’d be otherwise, and I do like myself and I want to continue being myself, so... I have to take the bitter with the... less bitter. When will your next kiss be? >> I don’t know, whenever I want it to be. Last person you saw other than your family? >> --- Will tomorrow be better than today? >> I mean, today was pretty okay, so if tomorrow’s even better than today, boy howdy. Are you feeling guilty about anything right now? >> No. What’s going through your mind right now? >> I’m just taking this survey, dude. That’s all I’m thinking about. When’s the last time you had fast food? >> Day before Thanksgiving. Do you believe that there’s good in everybody? >> I mean, I guess, if we have to put it that way. I just think that people are largely alike, and that if I can see the “shadow self” in me and everyone that is capable of many of the evils of the world, then I don’t see why I can’t also see the “higher self” in me and everyone that is capable of the beautiful things that people do for and with each other. These divisions always make me twitch a little because I think making it a dichotomy misses the real point a bit, but I haven’t run into better words for this yet so I’m doing my best with what I’ve got. Is it okay if you kiss people when you’re single? >> ... When was the last time you saw someone attractive? >> I mean, I can see Can Calah or King Crimson whenever I want. :B What was the first thing you did when you woke up? >> Probably reached for my phone to see what time it was. Think back eight months ago, were you single? >> No. What do you carry with you at all times? >> Myself :) Are you okay with the life you live? >> I’m okay with a lot of it. Way more okay with the lives I’ve had to lead before.

Do you have a Tattoo? >> Yes. What other piercings would you get other than the ones you already have? >> I’m not sure. I haven’t really thought about it because I’ve been so focused on tattoos in recent times. I’d just rather have ink. Did your last kiss take place on a bed? >> Probably. Have you ever been to Disney World? >> No. If so, how many times have you been? >> --- Does grammar and capitalization mean anything to you? >> Meh. Like, here’s the thing -- even if I don’t capitalise proper nouns or use dialect grammar as opposed to “proper” (don’t get me started on the connotations of that term) grammar, I can still be understood. And that’s the whole fucking point. I use the social standard for grammar and capitalisation when it’s necessary, and for some reason I’ve been taking surveys with the social standard of English for so long that it’s a habit by now, but I’m not obsessed with it. I love being able to code-switch and I love using vernacular and I love “Internet dialect/grammar” and all of that. Language in all its forms, unrestrained, is just so. fucking. cool. Are you good at wrapping gifts for others? >> Sure, I like the orderly origami-like process of wrapping. Do you have a dirty clothes hamper in your room? >> No, it’s in Sparrow’s (bigger) room. Do you enjoy big holiday dinners? >> I enjoy big dinners and small dinners. I assume by “big” you mean “lots of food”, not... “big” as in “lots of people”, because that I do not enjoy. Is your vision good? >> Yes. Is your present hair color, natural? >> Yes. What was the last thing you ordered online? >> A crystal. Fuck, that reminds me, I gotta poke around on Etsy for some stocking stuffer type gifts.   Have you ever worn color contacts? >> Yes, quite often back in the day. If you have a significant other, how long have you been together? >> Almost nine years or something, idk. I’m bad at time math. Where are your parents as of now? >> --- Do you follow a certain religion? >> No. Do you have any family members who live out of town? >> --- Do you consider yourself short? >> Not really. What room are you in? >> Mine. Do you listen to any country music? >> Sure. Do you ever watch Lifetime? >> No. I don’t have cable, but I wouldn’t watch Lifetime even if I did. Would ever consider having children in the future? >> Probably not. Have you ever lived on a farm? >> No. Do both of your parents have jobs? >> --- If you had the chance to move to a completely different state, would you? >> Yes. What is something you’ve always wanted a boy to do for you? >> Clean my house. IDK, lol. What do you wish you had more knowledge about? >> Oh, stuff. What food are you craving right now? >> I’m not craving anything, even though it’s lunchtime. I have no idea what I want to eat. ...Hmm, egg, rice, and roasted veggies sounds really good but idk if I want to make eggs right now... How old were you when you stopped believing in Santa? >> I never was told about him. I kind of vaguely knew he existed from just... cultural saturation, or whatever, but yeah. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? >> A lot. Do you have a friend you can tell stuff to and you’re sure they won’t tell? >> --- Would you ever get someone’s name tattooed on you? >> You know, every time I see this question I totally fucking forget that I already have a person’s name tattooed on me. My X-Files tattoo that matches with Sparrow’s says “scully, it’s me”. Scully is a name lmaoooo So, yeah, I guess the answer is yes.

Does your family have family picnics? >> --- If your doctor said you were pregnant, what would you say? >> “That’s not a funny joke, so please stop”, I mean, what else would I say? That’s literally impossible so the doctor must be trying to pull a funny. A really fucking bad one, too.

[peachywise]

intemperance

richie tozier x eddie kaspbrak (reddie)

– one-shot

– synopsis: Eddie wasn’t really expecting to have to spend this cold winter night walking a drunk Richie home. Yet again, he really didn’t expect it to end as it did either. Not that he’s complaining. (age; twenties)

– notes: this is literally just fluffy and angsty pining on eddie’s end!!! enjoy!!! i’m thinking about writing a part two, so let me know if you enjoyed it! also i’m literally rushing out the door for dinner so forgive me if the editing’s not great, i’ll go through it again when i’m home lmao 

________________________________________

Whenever Richie was drunk, Eddie tended to stay away.

Richie had always been one to make jokes and tease him. Still, when he was drunk, it always turned too jokingly flirtatious, too hard for Eddie to rightly ignore without going red in the face. Eddie lashed out when that happened, like an elementary school kid who didn’t quite understand their own feelings. He yelled at Richie and stormed away, regretting whatever false words he had said. It took effort to not turn around and look at the pout that would inevitably befall Richie’s face. 

His dumbass, cute face.

Ugh.

In truth, Eddie wasn’t so much afraid of being around Richie when he was like that, but more fearful of what Eddie might say in reply. Yelling at him was bad enough, but it was better than the alternative—confessing his feelings. Those feelings that had weighed on him for years.

It was his secret. His own burden to keep and protect. He couldn’t risk things changing for the worst.

Yet here he was, outside of whatever bar Bill had called him to in the middle of the night, ready to face Richie on a long walk home. Bill had to leave for some emergency and Richie had been too stubborn to leave sooner than he had to. Since all their other friends were already busy or inevitably asleep, it was up to you to escort him back to his apartment all in one piece since the cabs were unusually busy tonight. It would take to long for them to get him, in turn, giving him too much time to do something dumb and impulsive like start an intentional barfight by saying something stupid.

It had happened before. Richie asked a man if he had a cat, and when the man dumbly played into it by saying no, Richie quickly replied with, “really? Because you have pussy written all over you.” That black eye had taken a while to heal. Eddie thought Richie’s shame at telling such a bad joke would have taken even longer to recover from, but he still thought it was pretty funny.

Eddie walked into the poorly lit bar, hardwood sticky with whatever drinks had been sloshed over it for as many years at it’s been open. He’d barely taken two steps inside before a boisterous voiced called from somewhere in the back corner, “is that my Eddie Spaghetti?” No, this is your Eddie About-To-Kick-Your-Ass.

All too suddenly, floppy-haired Richie shoved through the couple people left in the bar to wrap his arms around Eddie in a tight hug, lifting him up and slapping him on the back. “It is Eddie!”

Struggling against his grip in an effort to breath, Eddie swatted at Richie and huffed out, “okay, put me down or I swear to God—”

Richie dropped him back to the ground and grinned, rosy-cheeked and eyes a little glassy, “or what? You’ll fuck my mom? Go ahead. It seems only fair since I fucked yours.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes, wiping the tops of the shoulders of his jacket to get the snow off. “You’ve used that line ever since we were kids. Can’t you get some new material?”

Richie’s grin stayed plastered on his face, and bending down, so he was more eye level with Eddie, offered instead, “well then, you can fuck my dad.”

“Already did.”

Richie’s face fell a little at Eddie’s deadpan retort, fully expecting some sort of more significant reaction out of him. Eddie just turned back around and started making his way to the door without a second word, leaving Richie to scramble behind him and grab the crook of his elbow to stop him. “Don’t abandon me!” Richie huffed out.

Eddie flashed him a look from over his shoulder. “I only came here to walk you home. Are you coming or not?”

“What am I, a dog?” Richie stated, pushing his glasses higher up on the bridge of his nose.

“Do you really want me to answer that?” Eddie cocked up an eyebrow.

Richie bit his bottom lip, narrowing his eyes slightly. Well. “Fair enough.”

Yeah, no shit.

“Then let’s go!” Richie belted out, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s shoulders from behind, all but pushing him out the door now. Eddie’s hands flew up to grip Richie’s arms to stop from falling down the slippery concrete steps outside of the door.

Eddie gritted out, “be careful!” as he ducked out from under him, only to slip a little on the ice. Thankfully, Richie wasn’t too drunk that his reflexes were gone entirely, as he shot out his arm to grab hold of Eddie’s arm. Unfortunately, he was drunk enough that he forgot to actually pull Eddie up, so they both ended up falling down. 

“My bad.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

This walk was officially the longest walk of Eddie’s god damn life. Seriously. Richie had fallen twice more, made about ten inappropriate jokes— two of which Eddie couldn’t even begin to comprehend— and he’d chased one dog which Eddie was actually sure was a duck.

Now, Eddie was struggling to keep upright as the taller boy leaned against him. He was getting more flustered as Richie practically pawed at every inch of his body; his chest, his neck, arms. His face was so close to his own that his breath was like wisps of flame against his neck in the cold night, sending shivers raking through his whole body. He just hoped the boy in his drunken stupor just figured it was because he was cold, or better yet, didn’t notice it at all.

Richie reached out a hand and squeezed Eddie’s cheeks together, forcing his mouth into an outward pout and his body to stumble on the icy sidewalk. “Eds, you’re so cute,” Richie grinned, his glasses slightly fogged from breathing into the scarf tightly wound against his neck.

Eddie ripped his face away with a small huff, reaching up a hand to massage his jaw slightly, “Richie, shut up,” he complained, his frostbitten cheeks starting to feel a little warmed.

“No!” the boy whined back, “you are! I’ve always thought so. My cute little Eddie.”

“Boys shouldn’t be called cute,” he murmured in reply, softly, more to himself than the boy hanging off him like a monkey to a branch.

“Bullshit.” His words were spat out like it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. “It’s a good thing. People like cute things. No one’s ever called me cute. When you see something cute, you should just say it. Let the whole world know.” As if to elaborate it, Richie opened his mouth wider like a banshee to the wind, taking in a sharp breath of air before beginning his shout of, “Edward Kaspbrak is so fucking cute that I want to—” Eddie’s slap of his hand over his mouth stifled the rest of the sentence before he could disturb any more people who were probably already fast asleep in their apartments.

Hissing a repeated, “shut up, Richie!” Eddie dropped his hand after feeling Richie smiling beneath it. He wiped his hand on the side of his pant leg, giving a roll of his eyes.

 They continued walking in silence for a minute or two, the fog of their breath intermingling in front of them, the smile still firmly planted on Richie’s face as his eyes stared blankly in front of him, the trash mouth totally caught up in whatever his mind was currently fixated on. He looked happy. And not just the joking happy he usually was around them, or the fake happy he sometimes believed he was using to cover up whatever it was he really felt. His cheeks and ears were rosy, the apple of his cheeks and nose speckled with freckles Eddie was always a little jealous of. Even those stupid glasses of his suited him perfectly.

“You’re cute too.” 

“What?” Richie’s head snapped right over to look at Eddie, his eyes wide with shock as a sort of confusion riddled his features. His body jerked to a stop as well, though they now were right outside Richie’s apartment building doors. Eddie’s cheeks grew even hotter, and he ducked his face slightly down to hide it in his own scarf. Embarrassment and anxiety overtook his body in one fatal swoop. But he said it. Admitted what he too had always thought. He was drunk for Christ’s sake! Richie probably wouldn’t even remember it in the morning. Eddie might as well ride this wave of bravery since it was here.  

Rubbing a hand over his mouth as if stifling the words would somehow help, Eddie muttered once again, “I said I think you’re cute too.” He resisted the urge to cover it up with some half-hearted angry joke like he was used too. He felt vulnerable and unprotected. He felt nervous. Scared.

Richie gently reached out his hand—never having done anything gently in his life—and gripped onto Eddie’s hand, removing it from his face as he half-cocked his head like a curious puppy. “Are you sure you’re not the drunk one?” He half-laughed, though his question seemed less teasing and more imploring. Like he was offering a way for Eddie to back out.

Eddie said nothing, but also didn’t try to pull away. Both just simply stared at each other, unsure of what to say or do. Snow softly landed on their now intertwined fingers, melting at the touch of their shared heat. It wasn’t like Eddie had confessed his feelings or anything, but it was the closest he’d gotten to it. There was a charge in the air, brought upon by a shift between them neither could name or place.

Laughter from behind them broke the moment, as both eyes flashed over to a group of people crossing their path, walking home in the late night as well. Eddie dropped his hand and slightly cleared his throat, stating, “we should probably get you inside.” Richie wordlessly nodded his head, almost like he was in a dazed stupor as he shoved his hands in his pockets to try and dig out his keys. Once he’d gotten them out, Eddie sighed and took them from his grip, unlocking the front apartment door and walking inside, Richie trailing behind him. 

Walking up the single flight of stairs, Eddie went and unlocked the second set of doors that actually led into his apartment and held it open for Richie to step inside. Flicking on the lights, he watched as Richie struggled to get out of his boots as he leaned against the wall, nibbling nervously on his bottom lip. His body still felt charged and uncertain at the same time. 

“Well, I should go,” Eddie murmured softly, turning towards the door before a hand shot out to rest on the wall behind him, caging him there. Eddie turned a startled eye towards Richie, who’s hair had gotten curlier in the wet of the snow, falling into his eyes so much so that it was hard to read the expression there. 

“Wait, I, uh,” Richie stammered, unusually so. Looking down at his feet, he dropped his arm and glanced back up, offering a quiet, “thanks... for walking me home.”

Eddie stared at the boy, only for a moment, before a smile broke out on his face, and a small laugh escaped him. Man, it was weird seeing him act this way. It was like the roles had been reversed. “Yeah, well, you’re pretty useless if you don’t have a baby sitter,” he joked, reaching out to swipe some of the hair out of his eyes.

Richie’s eyes were wide in surprise, tension melting, but his lips curved up into a similar grin. “Oh, please, you do it because you love me.” 

Eddie snorted, shoving his shoulder as he said, “that may be so, but—” before quickly shutting up and averting his gaze anywhere but his friend in front of him. Shit. This is what happened when he let his guard down.

He fucking just inadvertently told him he loved him. Hopefully, he didn’t think anything of it. He was drunk after all, and it wasn’t like it was—

Oh. No. Yeah, the trash mouth totally understood if his reaching out to touch Eddie’s jaw to get him to look back at him was any indication at all.

“Richie,” Eddie started, but before he could finish, soft lips were on his in a needy and desperate way. Eddie could barely react to what was happening as his body was pressed hard against the wall behind him, Richie pinning him there with his own weight as his hands moved to grip his face. He could taste the dull alcohol on his breath, but honestly, Eddie couldn’t care less. His thoughts got cloudy, and he just simply let himself react back, gripping Richie jackets and trying to tug him closer if that were even possible.

Richie was the one to break away first if only to catch his breath. His hands were on Eddie’s face, inching upward to curl themselves into his hair and messing up all the effort it took for Eddie to tame it into place. Eddie sighed into the touch, releasing his grip on the man and letting his hand trail up to brush his fingertips lightly across his freckled cheeks. He studied them one by one and Richie’s own eyes explored Eddie’s expression.

“Is this real?” 

Richie’s voice, though soft in tone, jarred Eddie out of whatever state he had been in. Dropping his hand, the realization of what just happened crashed over Eddie, and he all but squeaked out a “what?” in a lame reply. Did Richie not know what he was doing? Did he regret it? Oh shit. Oh, Fuck.

“I just want to make sure I didn’t actually slip and crack my head on the pavement out there. I don’t want this to be another dream.” 

Did he just say another dream?

“Then what do you want it to be?” Eddie hesitantly asked.

“Real. Do you know how shitty it’s been waking up with blue balls all these years? I can’t fucking—”

Eddie rolled his eyes, cutting him off with a curt, “beep beep, Richie,” before lifting his face back up and giving him a hungry kiss back. Richie took that as all the incentive he needed. Almost without breaking their lips apart, Richie struggled Eddie out of his coat, just as Eddie slipped off Richie’s glasses and tossed them to the floor, before fighting him out of his shirt just after. Hands were everywhere, skimming across skin that was growing increasingly hot, gripping at anything to keep each other cemented in place.

Eddie moved away only to trail his lips against Richie’s jaw, nibbling slightly as Richie groaned into his ear. Moving his hand up, Richie dragged Eddie’s lips back to his as the smaller of the two let out a low moan. Richie used to opportunity to taste Eddie with his tongue, his hand slowly moving closer to the waistband on the other’s jeans— 

Eddie shoved him back and a huff of breath, repeatedly saying, “wait, wait, wait.”

Richie stepped back immediately, chest still rising rapidly as he attempted to catch his breath. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to push you further than you were willing to go,” he breathed out uncertainty in his face. 

Eddie shook his head, cheeks coloured red from growing embarrassment. “No, it’s not that. You’re still drunk, and I uh, I think we should stop before you do something you regret.” 

Richie paused at that before he let out a boisterous laugh. “Regret? I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. Come back here,” he stated, as he reached out to Eddie once again.

Eddie slapped his hand away. “Richie,” he said in a warning tone, “just … we’ll see how you feel tomorrow, okay?”

Richie rolled his eyes as he dropped another kiss to Eddie’s soft lips, a little more gently this time and resigned. “Fine. Will you stay?”

“If you do stay, can you two be a little quieter?”

Jumping apart, both Eddie and Richie turned a shocked look towards a sleepy-looking Stan, curls mussed and bird printed boxer shorts wrinkled from sleep. “You were slamming each other up against the wall of my room, you dicks.”

Eddie stood there with a horrified look on his features, wondering how he’d forgotten at that moment that Stan was Richie’s roommate. Richie, however, couldn’t stop the laugh that came out of him at Stan’s grumpy features. Or at least, he couldn’t stop it, not until his face suddenly dropped, and he began running to the bathroom with a called-out statement of, “I’m going to get sick.” There’s the alcohol catching up to him. Douche.

Stan shook his head, moving to the kitchen with a passing comment of, “yeah, I think I am too.” Still, Eddie didn’t miss the slight grin quirking up Stan’s lips.

In fact, it looked a lot like his own at that moment.

[sacredslaycdd]

Hi, I have a lot of Dawn introspection tonight because I feel like a lot of people give her a hard time. I’ve seen a lot of comments about Dawn recently and we’re ABSOLUTELY all entitled to our own opinions so i’m going to post alot of the thoughts I have, I’m not saying it’s going to ELEQUENT because hey, when am I ever? Putting it under a read more because it’ll likely be long, I’ll try to put it into points so you can actually take a breath lol. 

Where shall we start? Her childhood.  - Buffy and Dawn have a fairly big age gap, which means, in a sense, while the love is CERTAINLY there, I’d bet things were always strained. Buffy was always older and so much cooler, naturally outshone her.  - And then the slayer thing kick in, Buffy’s always in trouble so she’s still the centre of attention.  - Her parents begin to argue more, and if I remember rightly, Buffy distinctly remembers holding Dawn one time (possibly when their father left?) because she was distraught. The fighting alone can be detramental, it’s not a fun enviroment and I imagine Dawn is still pretty young at the time.  - Her dad leaves and he’s pretty absentee after that.  - They move to sunnydale, because of Buffy, away from all of the friends she has and the school she’s familiar with. She has to fit in somewhere new and make new friends.  - Weird occurances are ALWAYS happening, pretty scary for a kid.  - Going to jump ahead to S5, excuse if this isn’t in chronological order.  - Her mom get’s sick, which is terrifying for both fo the summers girls  - Just as they think she’s going to be okay, she dies. It could be argued this was more traumatic for Buffy since she found her and yeah, I’ll give you that, and Buffy had to step up and become caretaker to Dawn. She was now sister and guardian.  - Their dad is still absentee. She’s grieving her mothers death and likely wants to grieve with her sister who’s saving the world all the time. Probably feels incredibly alone, feels like a burden on Buffy and the scoobies, and to be fair, she’s probably been made to feel like this a fair few times.  - and THEN she finds out she’s not real. Can you imagine how traumatic and difficult that is for a child to wrap their head around? Because yeah, 14 is still a frigging kid.  - so if anybody wants to argue about her reaction to that... i will fight you. (i’m kidding I swear xDDD)  - A god wants to kill her.  - BUFFY DIES TO SAVE HER LIFE.  - Her sister sacrifices herself for her, she’s lost the only family she had left but constantly has to see her sisters face around and hear her voice with buffy bot but it’s not HER. Still, her grief stares her in the face everyday. The scoobies step up and they are like family and she loves and appreciates them but it’s not the same.  - and HAH not like GILES sticks around to help. He’d have just sacrified her and I’m sorry but Giles was a monumental figure in BOTH of the summers girls. Granted, they were never going to be like Buffy and him, but still, he watched Dawn grow up and was the only male authority figure in her life, because you can bet Dawn saw ALOT of him. You’d think he’d care a little more. Not to mention he’s almost a direct link to Buffy, a little care from Giles would have gone a long way. Instead he left Willow and Tara and Xander who are barely adults themselves to take care of her and goes to England.  S6&7:  - again sketchy timeline wise  - Buffy comes back and Dawn DOES care, she does want to help her and be there for her and love her and Buffy doesn’t want / can’t deal with that, which is absolutely 1000% understanable but equally, as time goes on, Dawn is still living with that guilt and her sister is there but she’s not.  - She almost loses her sister again to the black hole she’s sunk into, or at-least that’s what it feels like.  - they deal with things differently. Buffy Internalises, Dawn externalises.  - Not only does she have survivors guilt, she thinks her sister resents her, resents the choice she made. She wants to be there, she wants to help, she loves her sister but she’s extremely conscious of this. Buffy sacrificed herself for Dawn and she worries her sister refrets that and perhaps even resents her for it, for having to make that decision.  - In a lot of ways, I promise you that’s exactly how Dawn feels about herself, because she got her sister killed? everyone around her dies.  - Willow goes all evil and almost gets her killed until Buffy saves her.  - Later, she walks in on Tara’s body. Tara was a surrogate mother and sister figure and Dawn adored her so much. That relationship was incredibly precious to Dawn.  - The feeling like buffy resents her? directly correlates with what the first says to her. Buffy won’t be there when she needs her. and she’s not entirely wrong about that feeling. Buffy says to Giles if she had to do it again, she’d sacrifice Dawn.  So yes, Dawn wants Buffy’s attention? Does she externalise how she feels sometimes into anger? and generally being upset which most people describe as her being a ‘brat’ - que eyeroll here - Dawn isn’t a brat, she’s reacting to circumstances that for the one thousandth time, are beyond her control. Even Xander acknowledges that it’s tough just being normal but acknowledges she’s extroardinary. Any kind of acknowledgement along such lines from Buffy, would have gone a long way to solving a lot of problems. Nobody can say Dawn didn’t communicate, and sure, it was over the top sometimes, but she’s learnt that if she isn’t, nobody cares.  She is constantly treated as a child and brushed off throughout the entire 3 seasons she’s in, you can’t then call her out on acting like it. - le shrug. -  Also, Dawn telling Buffy to leave in S7 is a joke and in my opinion, out of character for her. She threatened SPIKE, you really think she’s going to send her sister off to god knows where when she just got her back and there’s a big evil out there? PUH-LEASE. Dawn would have fought for Buffy and in my portrayal she does. 

ANYWAY, THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK. I am sorry in advance if this comes off ranty- this isn’t hate on anyone (WELL, maybe a little giles...), ESPECIALLY Buffy. I stan Buffy, none of this is her fault either, it’s all circumstances and dealing with things differently. 

[ajoblotofjunk]

DVD commentary for the July chapter of HFOG! or just the motorcycle ride if that’s too much lol

All of July is too much for me mentally right now so I’ll do the motorcycle ride. :D This got (unsurprisingly!!) long, so lemme put a Keep Reading cut in real quick.

A week later, on the off Sunday between Winterfell and Lannisport, Jaime was spending his birthday alone at the office.

I’ll do this whole section, since it being on his birthday was the trigger I used to get Jaime to ask her to go on the bike. This scene was one of like three I had in my head from pretty much the beginning. I find motorcycles extremely sexy (I’m an easy target okay) and I loved the idea of forcing these two knuckleheads into that much physical contact in what should theoretically be a platonic experience; I just had to figure out how to get them there since Brienne just spent the last part of June pushing Jaime back a step. Hard to say no to a lonely man on his birthday though.

going clubbing until they were both passed out or dead by the end of it. Bronn was home with Lollys, probably having enough sex to stock them up until August, and Jaime wasn’t really close enough with the rest of the crew to consider spending time with them outside of work.

I think this was the month where I decided Bronn was going to be genuinely happy with Lollys. I know I mentioned her early on but I toyed around in my head for awhile with the idea that he was still kind of loose and maybe even unfaithful to her, and I decided I didn’t want to go that way. I wanted to like Bronn in this fic. He’s kind of my Sarcastic Wise Elder character for these two and I really grew to love the idea that he is just as much an inner softie in his heart as Jaime is, that that sharp outer shell/gooey center combo was something that connected them. I think it really helped in the October chapter that Bronn was likable, because then that scene in the hospital between him and Jaime had a much bigger emotional hit.

The only other person he wanted to see was Brienne and though she’d sent him a ‘happy birthday!’ text that morning unprompted, he hadn’t responded for

I laugh to myself thinking about Brienne hovering over that text message all “should I send a gif? is the text going to be enough? what about emojis? Is it weird if I text him at all? He didn’t tell me it was his birthday but I definitely know it’s his birthday because I have memorized a lot of unimportant facts about a man I am Definitely Not Into.”

lunch, smoked what he swore was the only cigarette he would have as a thirty-six year old, and then aimlessly watched TV for a few hours before driving his motorcycle into the office.

Jaime uses smoking to fill the hole of the things he wants but believes he’ll never have. At the start of the fic that’s respect and winning races. As he slowly gets those things, he smokes whenever he’s thinking about Brienne, even though he does not realize it consciously. Once he gets all three, he stops smoking for good.

There had been a scattered handful of engineers there that afternoon, working away in preparation for the different requirements of Lannisport next week, but

Honestly, sometimes remembering there were hundreds of people working on this team in particular was exhausting. 😂 I always had this constant voice in the back of my head of Lannister Corp scenes of “where are all these other workers and what are they doing?” It works here because I needed the ride to happen at night, but this is just giving me flashbacks to “oh right this team is actually 500-1000 people, not just these 12.”

He raised his glass of water to his empty office. “Happy birthday to me,” he muttered, taking a sip. It wasn’t even flavored water, which felt like such a maudlin statement on his life that he couldn’t finish it.

The “it wasn’t even flavored water” line still makes me laugh to this day. It’s one of my favorite moments in the entire story. It’s so DRAMATIC. Like, my god man, get a hold of yourself. Anyway, I love drama queen Jaime.

He probably should have texted Taena or Melara, but he didn’t want to spend time with them. He didn’t want to listen to his sister’s barely concealed insults

I had a whole bit…I think it was in August? Might have been earlier, I can’t recall now, anyway, two or three paragraphs talking about how Jaime met Melara and Taena and why they all worked out this arrangement and Brynn (rightly) made the point that it didn’t actually add anything to the story I was telling. I managed to cover what really mattered about it in two sentences instead. The moral of this is that this story could have been even longer but Brynn is the best so you should thank her.

find out what she did on her off days, what kind of birthday cake she liked, if

Chocolate with chocolate and fruit filling and chocolate frosting, FYI.

Brienne’s worried frown deepened. “Have you done anything for your birthday today?”

“I had a cigarette.”

She shook her head, looking disappointed. “Anything that doesn’t shorten your life by doing it?”

I also really like this line. I’m a fan of Worried Mom Friend Brienne, too.

“I drank some water,” he grumbled.

Unflavored! Like an ANIMAL. 😂

“Have you even eaten?”

“I feel like we’ve had this conversation before.”

She blinked, startled, and then a sheepish grin swarmed over her face. “I guess some things don’t change. At least you didn’t insult me this time.”

“Progress,” he said, smiling, watching her features go soft and open in a way he’d probably dream about that night. Distance, his brain reminded him.

I didn’t plan for this quiet callback to the sandwich conversation from January, but I really was pleased to see it happen. It makes sense; Brienne wants the people she cares about to take care of themselves and where back in January I think she felt she was being more his Mom, here they’re both aware she’s being his friend and that’s part of why it’s a softer moment.

“Then come riding with me. Have you been on a motorcycle before?”

“No. My dad was firmly against it after Galladon died.”

At this point in the fic I was pretty sure Brienne was going to drive although I hadn’t worked out all the details of how I was going to get there yet, but when I wrote this I definitely shored up the “Selwyn is very overprotective” support I’d only just started to build back with the phone call in January. I also knew when I wrote this that Jaime was going to bring the motorcycle to Tarth and her dad was going to be all about it, even though I wasn’t sure how that was going to happen. 

“Well,” he said, standing slowly, “your dad’s not here now, is he?”

Fun fact: this story idea first appeared to me in relation to Bruce Springsteen’s “I’m On Fire” and there’s a lyric in there - ‘hey little girl is your daddy home, did he go and leave you all alone’ - that this quietly references. And actually I wanted the whole motorcycle ride to have the exact same feeling when you’re reading it as I feel listening to that song! It’s a direct path from there to here emotionally.

(In some other universe instead of this I wrote a fic where Jaime keeps bringing his car in to Selwyn’s Garage just so he can see Brienne, grease smudged on her face, and he asks her to deliver it to his home and she does and, well. It doesn’t go like the video. *g*)

(That video and song were very formative influences on young me though I was not aware of it at the time. If you haven’t heard the song or seen the video, here you go: https://youtu.be/lrpXArn3hII)

Jaime arched an eyebrow. “My bike is plenty big.”

Brienne snorted but the red in her cheeks spread out to her crooked her nose and down the freckled length of her long neck. “Sounds like you’re compensating, Lannister.”

I could show you he thought but he bit it back, as well as the image of pushing her against the door of his office and- No. Bad. he told both his errant thoughts and his twitching cock like they were misbehaving dogs. 

Jaime has been horny for her since April (January though he would refuse to acknowledge it if you told him that at this point), give him a break.

He came around the desk and held out his hand and she stared down at it like it was a snake she was trying to decide was poisonous or not.

Brienne gingerly wrapped her long fingers around his

I wanted Brienne to actively participate in the decision to do this, to show through her actions (not just Jaime’s perceptions of her) that she wants this, too. I had to ramp things up for both of them in this chapter because I knew what was coming in August and I wanted them to be ready for that. I couldn’t have gone from where they were in June to the kiss in August, I had to force them together in a way they hadn’t intended so that when they come together intentionally it feels like a natural progressions, and that meant both of them had to be wanting it.

What are you doing? his brain demanded as he led Brienne through the empty corridors out to the front parking lot.

 Enjoying my birthday for once.

I like this because it’s both Jaime making excuses for why he’s doing something really foolish if he’s supposed to be keeping his distance but ALSO true and a sad reflection on his life (and what Brienne brings to it even now).

His bike was parked in Tywin’s CEO spot, where he always parked as a small, childish fuck you to his father. Brienne gasped as they walked up, pulling her hand away to brush the gleaming chrome.

“You have an Iron Throne!”

I know. I KNOW. But I love calling it that. I cast around for motorcycle names for awhile and when I hit on this I could not resist. Iron Thrones in this fic world are basically those giant Harleys that would easily seat two people.

weight of her against his palms. Brienne’s eyes narrowed and he worried for a second she’d heard his thoughts. “It’s not safe to ride without a helmet though, and I don’t have one. Do you have an extra?”

Jaime hadn’t brought his today, either. “We could wear driving helmets.”

As I recall it, Brynn came up with the idea of the helmet scene or at least definitely helped me work out how it was going to go when I got stuck on it. She made the point it should be a cute moment between them and it was right because it made the whole ride seem fun instead of just weighty and tense. The fact they actually have FUN together is really important to me because I think it’s really important to successful relationships in general. If you’re going to be with this person for the rest of you life, I hope like hell you enjoy spending time with them.

When she saw the helmet he had she laughed, the sound bursting up into the sky like a flock of startled birds.

I’m not usually happy with how I describe things - I never feel like it’s as interesting or descriptive or powerful as I want - but I do like this line a lot.

“It’s a helmet,” he said, holding it out to her. The helmet was a bright neon green and covered with frogs forming the words MOAT CAILIN with their bodies. “I got it from one of our sponsors a few years ago and kept it thinking someday I’d wear it just to piss off my father.”

What does Moat Cailin do? I genuinely have no idea. 😂

Brienne took the helmet and held it out away from her like it was a very stinky baby. “You’re sure no one is going to see us?”

“Now who’s vain?”

This made me laugh. I love when Brienne gets to be light-hearted.

“Isn’t there some biker lingo you should use instead?”

“Hop on my hog, sexy mama?”

Goofy Jaime: also a personal favorite. This is kind of an early insight into how he’s going to be in later months when he’s truly, unburdenedly (I made that word up) happy.

Brienne laughed even harder that time and shook her head. “You are so annoying,” she said fondly, climbing on behind him.

The “you’re annoying”/”you’re stubborn” back and forth is something I have been trying to consistently but not overwhelmingly carry through this fic from very early on.

“Since you’ve never ridden before, the primary rule is that you have to lean into the curves with me. If you’re balanced differently than I am it might bring the whole bike down.

Having ridden a motorcycle: this is actually true. It was the first thing the person I was riding with told me.

Her arms fully encircled his waist, her body pressed so firmly against his back he imagined he could feel the weight of her small breasts through his own shirt. He had no jacket but he didn’t need one; even if it hadn’t been for the drowsy summer heat, Brienne’s warmth against him stoked enough fire he could have burned all night.

You shouldn’t ride a motorcyle without proper gear, kids, but Jaime doesn’t give a fuck and for the purpose of this kind of intimate contact, neither do I for this story. 😁

It was almost like sex, the way they moved together around the curves, the blood thrumming in his veins, her occasional breathless gasp. He had to shift a little on his seat to make room for his awkward erection, but he pressed the bike faster, the curves tighter, until she was welded against him and the wind whipped her joyful laughter from her mouth, leaving it like tracers behind them in the dark. 

This is the image in my head when I thought of them on the motorcycle ride. Everything before and after this paragraph is just set up and pay off for this one part.

Centuries ago there had been a keep at the top of Aegon’s High Hill, but all that was left now were old stones weathered by time and the salt air off of Blackwater Bay.

Thank goodness for the internet, and people who post very detailed maps of King’s Landing and Westeros so I can figure out some of this stuff. I have spent a surprising amount of time for this fic looking at maps.

“Why were you at work today?” he asked, staring at her.

Brienne pulled off her hoodie to reveal a tank top underneath, her muscular shoulders bunching as she did so in a way that made his mouth go dry.

There’s a gif that was being posted in the Oathkeepers discord around the time I was writing this that I had in mind explicitly for this moment. 😄

Her skin seemed to absorb the light, making it white and smooth as milkglass, her freckles mirroring the infinite stars. “Truthfully,” she said, “I wanted to spend some time alone with the car.” Even in the moonlight the reddening of her pale cheeks was clear.

Survey says: Mostly true. She also was thinking of him, since it was his birthday. She genuinely did NOT expect him to be there, though.

Jaime walked to the edge of the flat gravel and stared across the Rush to roughly where he thought Tarth would be way down south in the Stormlands. It had been years since he’d been and he didn’t remember it well, but he wished he could so he could picture Brienne there.

Again, I knew he was going to be in Tarth the very next chapter, so I wanted to lay the groundwork for it to seem natural he would be. Bringing it up here was a perfect opportunity for that.

They put their helmets back on, and Brienne her hoodie, and she climbed on behind him again, her arms automatically curling around his waist this time instead of the distant grip of the start. He started the engine and leaned forward a little, and she leaned her head against his shoulder as they took the drive down more slowly.

This easy warmth was important, too. Again, the sexual tension is critical to get them to their breaking point because they’re sure as hell not going to talk about how much they care about each other first (or even for a long while after they start having sex, as we discover), but I wanted there to be something deeper to their bond, too, a connection that I could build on in the second half of the story where you believe they’ll be happy together as an established couple. That they’re comfortable together.

The trip down the hill was as solemn as the stars above and when he parked again in front of the Lannister Corp Racing offices Brienne took her helmet off and stared quietly at him when he remained seated, his visor pushed up.

I think subconsciously this is when Brienne really falls in love with him, because it’s just Jaime being Jaime, and sharing something important to him with her and that kind of openness is the key to her heart.

Sadness gleamed like the stars in her big twilight eyes. Brienne put a hand on his shoulder and his whole body went rigid under her touch. Her fingers crept to the nape of his neck under his helmet, softly brushed through the short hair there before she dragged them away again as her pale skin reddened. 

Brienne was more reserved here in the initial draft of this and Brynn thought there should be more and she was - as usual - absolutely right. So the touch was added to fully seal the momentous connection that happened here.

“You can get home okay?” he asked.

“I’ll take the bus, there’s a stop just by the sports bar.”

Brienne the Bus Rider strikes again. Hee.

He couldn’t even quit smoking; how was he ever going to quit wanting Brienne?

These two things are connected here for a reason! As noted above. Hee.

Wow this was fun for me, thank you for asking! 😊

[DVD Commentary Meme - Asks are open]

[worldofwisdom-blog2]

Power in your thoughts...

There is a certain shift...there is a wave...I wish I am able to build those ships... which break through my sway ...

Rumi woke up the other day ... rubbed her eyes and checked the time..Was 6:30 in the morning. Feeling a sense of relief she smiled and catch on some more sleep. Eventually 10 mins passed by and the smile was fading away. Again when checking on the time her face started to sulk,felt the need to just go back and put the pillow on face to hide and sleep peacefully.

Mornings are indeed a very important part of our lives, our routines and us. We have often been taught to take out 5 mins and pray. This actually helps us to reconcile our mind.. our thoughts!

When Rumi woke up..within no time her brain started on again to think about all the stuffs she had to face and then worrying on whys and how’ s of them!

Mom calling up for tea .. she washed her face quickly and tried to get on the swing again.

Good morning dear!

Morning mom! Rumi, please pass me that sugar!

Sure..

What would you like to have for lunch today? See I got your favourite veggies yesterday,we have cauliflower,lady’s finger or maybe I was thinking to cook your favourite Black Lentils for lunch. What do you say???

Thanks Ma.. Would love to have the lentils.

And would  you like to have roti or rice with that?

Roti and salad would be fine..

Hmm.... You want to make a bread toast?

 Arreeyyyy what is this...Going on asking and asking.. can’t I just simple have my tea??Please cook whatever you wish too..And I don’t want that bread toast ..just let me have my tea and I l go to get ready..

We often come across such conversations in our daily lives where we simply just react and respond. There was one more such story where the father could have simple changed the shirt rather than yelling and getting upset when his daughter dropped the coffee by mistake on him in the morning while playing.

Our brains send us triggers and we eventually end up looking up to that situation in the most annoying way and  feel we are miserable. Rumi’s mind immediately started sending her triggers of negative thoughts when she woke up which kept on telling her that she is not worth it. And eventually she got angry while having tea as her baggage of continuous negative thoughts crossed her mind.

“Rumi , today that teammate of yours will pull your leg, rumi see you won’t be able to take the presentation well. You just know how to waste time Rumi, you simply just don’t take things seriously and so on... All this which made her feel sulk and started giving her those vibrations in mind of feeling worthless. Very few of us can admit this but we all almost go through this in the morning. “

There is not a pool of positive thoughts or immense brave thought patterns to practice but at least by simply saying one positive thought ..Yes I can do this or I yes my presentation will be good..I have prepared well ... it will help you shift your baggage of negative emotions and make you feel at least good and look ahead to the day.

It’s very rightly said.. Watch your thoughts for they become your words, your words become your action ,actions become your habits and the rest ....

If Rumi fed the thought of yes I am confident, yes I will go to work and yes I will give my best would have simply made feel great in the morning and could have even filled her tummy well with bread toast rather than leaving for office hungry. Things around you can break you but also give a chance to build you. Choice is yours weather to listen to other’s criticism or just simply smile back and enjoy on what all you can do and what you can learn. Slow and steady but intact and tidy!

 Choose to think what if it goes well..

Choose to think I am absolutely fine..

Choose to think I can do it..

Choose to think I am capable..

Choose to think so what if learn slow but at least I tried!

Choose to think there are many other unexplored options..

Choose to practice them ..Choose to say all this to yourself... to stick to them...

  Thank you!

Date:13/12/2020

[stahlop]

Once Upon a Time 2x10 “The Cricket Game” Review

Reviews 1x01 1x02 1x03 1x04 1x05 1x06 1x07 1x08 1x09 1x10 1x11 1x12 1x13 1x14 1x15 1x16 1x17 1x18 1x19 1x20 1x21 1x22 2x01 2x02 2x03 2x04 2x05 2x06 2x07 2x08 2x09

I have to say, season 2 is really killing it. I don’t think I liked it much on my first viewing, just because everyone was separated. And I just skimmed it on my second viewing because I remember not liking it much the first time around. But on my third viewing, this season’s episodes are really amazing! I’m loving the sneak attack on Storybrooke by Cora and Hook. They’re very flashy villains and they are just laying low, surveying the land before striking. This episode also made me feel sorry for Regina. Regina! Not only as Regina, but also as the Evil Queen. Lots of pieces of the pre-curse puzzle were put into place as well.

Summary: A prominent member of Storybrooke is murdered and Regina is the prime suspect. In the Enchanted Forest Regina is captured by Snow and Charming and is sentenced to death.

Opening: Pongo

Character Observations:

Emma: She’s trying to get some sense of normalcy in her life. She just wants to parent Henry, get to know her own parents (and not while they’re making ‘tacos’), and sheriff the town. We start with the Welcome Home party at Granny’s. Emma has invited Regina to the party, much to the horror of everyone else in the town, especially David and Mary Margaret.  Emma tells them that Regina is trying to change for Henry, plus she saved their lives (although Mary Margaret points out that she was originally attempting to kill whomever came through the portal), and Henry wants her there and that’s enough for her. This is definitely a 180 change from Emma wanting to blame Regina for everything when they were in the Enchanted Forest in Into the Deep. Mary Margaret and David agree to give her a chance. Emma notices Regina leaving at one point and goes after her. She tries to appeal for Regina to stay by saying Archie made a cake, but Regina’s good. She thanks Emma for inviting her and Emma says she did it for Henry. Regina takes this as an opportunity to ask to see Henry more, and maybe let him stay the night. Emma doesn’t think that’s a good idea, which sparks sarcasm about Emma being a parent for barely five minutes. Emma’s not going to deal with that so she walks away, but Regina apologizes. Emma says Archie told her how she’s trying to change. She spouts off all the stuff Regina is working on with him that a therapist should not be telling other people about. Emma says she didn’t want to invite her, but Archie thought it would be a good idea. Regina once again thanks Emma, but has to get going. Emma turns to go back into Granny’s with an expression on her face that tells about how well things went there. Emma and Henry are eating breakfast before school. Emma wants to take him to the bus stop but he’s too old for that. Pongo comes running up without Archie. Ruby comes out claiming something is wrong (which Emma assumes is due to the wolf thing), so they go to Archie’s office where they find him dead. Emma wonders who would do this and Ruby thinks she might know.

 Regina is waiting in the interrogation/evidence room (not a good idea to leave someone alone in that room) when Emma and David walk in. David does most of the talking, accusing Regina of killing Archie, while Emma watches her facial expressions. The minute Regina finds out Archie has been killed you can see the realization dawning on Emma’s face that Regina had no idea about it. David tries to convince Emma that Regina is incapable of changing, but Emma can see that Regina is telling the truth. They go outside, where Mary Margaret has been watching the whole thing, and David says they need to lock her up. Emma says they can’t because she didn’t do it (that and the fact that there is no evidence linking her to his murder). Looks like Emma’s superpower is in working order again. Mary Margaret and David don’t think they can believe her, but Emma points out how the old Regina would have burned down the building instead of just sitting in the room waiting while they talk. They comment that Emma doesn’t know Regina like they do and Emma tells them that’s the point. She’s just Regina (you know, the woman who tried to put her under a sleeping curse and made her life a living hell just a few weeks ago). Emma says they have to let her go because of the whole innocent until proven guilty thing. They let her go and find the truth. Which is going through Archie’s files apparently. Um, I think they’re violating patient/doctor confidentiality there. David discovers Regina’s file is empty so he immediately implies that she’s guilty again and Mary Margaret (why is she helping in a police investigation? Shouldn’t she be teaching at school?) assumes that means she did it. Emma is getting a little tired of her parents blaming Regina. She tells them how evidence is usually hard to find. When it’s easy it’s usually a frame job. Mary Margaret says there’s probably a list a mile long of people who’d want to frame Regina for murder, her included, but Emma says there’s only one person in town who would actually murder someone. Cue the sheriff posse at Gold’s shop. Emma accuses Gold of killing Archie because all the evidence points to Regina. Belle finds this as absurd as her parents do. Gold points them to a witness, Pongo. Emma is skeptical because dogs don’t talk. Gold explains they’ll use magic, and when Emma calls him out on tampering with the memories, he tells her she’s going to use her magic to do it. Gold uses a dreamcatcher to grab the memory and then gives it to Emma to try and find it so they can see it. She looks extremely nervous about this whole thing. She tries and can’t do it, but Gold tells, quite forcefully, that she can, so she tries again. They see ‘Regina’ start to strangle Archie, and then, I’m not sure if Emma can’t hold onto the magic or thinks she’s seen enough, but they don’t finish the memory, so they don’t see the rest of what happened. That’s apparently enough evidence for them to believe that Regina is guilty. Emma immediately goes out to go get Regina and now David and Mary Margaret are discouraging her from doing it. Emma questions them (rightly so), but David is worried, because Regina has very powerful magic and Emma doesn’t even know what she has yet. You can tell that Emma is pissed that she’s been ‘played a fool’ by Regina, because she really wanted to believe she’d changed for Henry. Mary Margaret suggests using fairy dust again to contain her magic. David doesn’t think it will work because they’ve used that trick before and Regina will see them coming, but Emma thinks she can handle it. Emma, David and Mary Margaret go to Regina’s. She thinks they’ve come to apologize for thinking she killed Archie. Emma angrily tells Regina they saw her kill him. David tells her it was through magic so Regina thinks Gold is behind everything. Mary Margaret tells her Emma used her magic. Regina is shocked that Emma has magic. Regina warns her about magic always coming with a price and Emma says that Henry is going to be the one to pay it because he believed in Regina. Regina demands to see Henry, stating that he’s her son. Emma turns on her raging that Henry is not Regina’s son, he’s her son, and yells for Mother Superior to ‘do it’. Really, Emma? That was your big plan? Have Mother Superior hiding behind a tree and then yelling for her to do it instead of, I don’t know, having a code word or something so Regina wouldn’t suspect? Sigh. Emma is surprised when Regina catches the ball of magic instead of it taking her powers. Regina tells Emma that she won’t keep Henry from her and blasts her to the ground with magic. Emma says that Henry won’t come near her now that he’ll know who she really is and who she’ll always be. Regina poufs away. Emma is freaking out with her parents because now she actually has to be Henry’s mom, and she has to tell him about Archie’s death and who killed him. She doesn’t know how to be a real parent. David and Mary Margaret say they don’t either, but they’re all learning together. Emma is freaking out because they don’t know who she was before Storybrooke. She wasn’t parenting material. David says not to worry, because they know who she’s been since she’s been there (hmm, they’ve made this argument twice already about Regina and that didn’t stick). Emma is thinking along the same lines because she wonders what happens if she reverts back to who she was before, where she’d just run away when things got tough. David says she’s great with Henry. Emma says she’s been his parent for a total of 5 minutes. Again, David’s been there too. He says they’ll go through it together because they’re family. Emma takes Henry over to a bench and tells him about Archie.

Evil Queen/Regina: Here we have two sides of the same coin. Snow hoping against hope that the Evil Queen will change, and then Mary Margaret not believing that Regina can change. In the Enchanted Forest, the Evil Queen (looking fabulous in a sexy armor-type outfit) watches as a village burns. A guard comes and tells her that Snow and Charming have defeated King George and the kingdom is now there’s. No one knows where King George is and without his forces they can’t defeat Snow and Charming’s kingdom. She asks where Snow is now and is told that she’s on her way to meet Charming alone. The Evil Queen goes off to find Snow while she sends her guards to distract Charming. The Evil Queen finds her easily when Snow trips over a rock. Snow offers her parley to talk about the Evil Queen’s terms of surrender. The Evil Queen will only surrender at Snow’s death. Snow yells ‘Now!’ and the Blue Fairy throws magic at the Evil Queen incapacitating her. The Evil Queen realizes this was all a trap (well, duh!). The Evil Queen has been stripped down, wearing a simple muslin dress and her hair pulled back (but still in full makeup) while imprisoned in the castle. Henry, Sr. comes to see her and blames himself for being an awful father and not protecting her from Cora. He wants her forgiveness. The Evil Queen is crying just as hard as her father, and this scene is so lovely. Seeing the Evil Queen vulnerable is heartbreaking. I never thought I’d feel sorry for the Evil Queen. She has not reverted back to young Regina, she is still horrible and hateful, but she doesn’t like her father seeing her as weak. Henry, Sr. wants her to show regret and show them that she can change. He feels they’ll spare her if she does this. Regina is taken to the center of the castle for her execution. She is to be shot with arrows, which seems pretty painful and it doesn’t seem that they’d kill her right away (unless one of them gets her heart). They also seem really close and like they wouldn’t have the force to really go into her from where they’re situated. Jiminy asks her if she has any last words. She starts out sounding like she’s regretful and will apologize for all her wrong doings, but she can’t go out weak so she says she regrets not causing more pain and death. By the end of her tirade she’s seething that she regrets not being able to kill Snow White. Charming calls for arrows and Regina is blindfolded. Snow can see that the Evil Queen is afraid to die so she calls for the arrows to stop after Charming told them to fire. Luckily, the Blue Fairy is able to stop them right before they hit the Evil Queen. When the blindfold is removed she looks confused, but she has that evil smirk on her face when she’s taken back to her cell. Later that night Snow comes to visit the Evil Queen. She questions why Snow has come to see her. Snow remembers the good in her, but the Evil Queen said that woman lost much and is now gone. Snow thinks she’s still inside her, but the Evil Queen is insistent she’s not. Snow thinks she just needs help letting her out, so she opens the door and offers the Evil Queen her freedom, as long as she leaves the Evil Queen behind in the cell. She walks out and for a split second she has a kind smile towards Snow, and then she starts to strangle her. Snow gets out a knife she’s hidden up her sleeve, but the Evil Queen takes it from her. She finds it poetic justice that she’ll kill Snow with the blade Snow was going to kill her with. She stabs her with it, but Snow stops struggling and shows that the blade has no effect on her. The Evil Queen takes out the knife and sees no blood on it. She’s slightly scared in this moment. Snow tells her it’s magic and Charming appears, telling her that Rumplestiltskin took one of her hairs from the blindfold and fashioned a protection spell from it. She can no longer harm them in this land. The Evil Queen is flabbergasted that they tricked her. Snow is quick to tell her it wasn’t a trick, but a test; one she had hoped she would pass. But since she didn’t, they banish her. The Evil Queen is on the verge of tears during this entire scene. It’s fabulous. Snow says the queen saved her life once and now she’s saved hers, but if she tries to hurt anyone in her kingdom again she’ll kill her. The guards come to take her away and the Evil Queen is just shell-shocked. The Evil Queen is back at her castle and Rumplestiltskin comes to visit. He’s come to raise her spirits because it’s Snow and Charming’s wedding day. She’s furious with him for the protection spell. Rumplestiltskin makes sure to emphasize that the protection spell is for this land only, but if they were to go to another land, the spell wouldn’t work. The Evil Queen heads off to the wedding.

I never thought I’d feel bad for Regina, but here I am, feeling sorry for her this entire episode. Regina is truly trying to change for Henry since he’s all she has. Emma invites her to the welcome home party for her and Mary Margaret for Henry. She makes a lasagna which everyone eats, but no one talks to her, so she goes to leave. Emma tries to get her to stay. Regina thanks her for inviting her. She’d like to see Henry more, but Emma doesn’t think it’s a good idea. Regina makes a sarcastic comment about Emma being Henry’s mother for all of five minutes and asks her to talk to David since he trusted her with him while she was in the EF. And Emma’s done with her, but Regina realizes she made a mistake and apologizes. Emma accepts it and tells her that Archie told her she was trying to change. Regina realizes that Archie is telling people about their sessions. I don’t know why she’s surprised, he did it when Henry was seeing him too, although, it was to her advantage at the time. She didn’t really make him an ethical therapist in that regard. She thanks Emma for inviting her again and leaves. The next morning Regina confronts Archie while he’s walking Pongo. He says he was trying to help her (still not ethical!). Regina is pissed, and she has every right to be. He says that he said nothing specific, because he wouldn’t betray doctor/patient confidentiality (ha!). Regina reminds him he got his PhD from a curse. Ruby interrupts to make sure everything is okay. Regina sends her off. Archie tells Regina he can be trusted; she tells him he’s lucky she’s changed. We will skip over Archie’s ‘murder’ since it’s not actually Regina. We next see her in the interrogation/evidence room at the sheriff’s station. David and Emma enter and she comments about the sheriff’s station now being a family business, and she seems genuine. She, of course, asks why she’s there because she hasn’t got a clue. Emma mentions Archie and she thinks it’s about the argument they had that morning. David clues her into his untimely demise. Regina is shocked. David thinks she’s lying because Ruby saw her go to his office last night. Regina puts those walls up and tells David that Ruby is lying because she was at home last night. She asks Emma why she’d toss all the changes she made away to murder someone. She also lets them know that if she did kill Archie, they’d never know. She’d hide the body, not leave it for someone to find. David reminds her that she’s been caught before. Yeah, when she was going after Snow, that’s totally different then going after her therapist. David says she’s incapable of change and Regina looks like she’s going to pop a vein in her face from trying to hold in her magic. Emma releases her because she believes her. Later, Emma goes after her having seen Pongo’s memory in the dreamcatcher. Regina thinks they’re there to apologize for accusing her earlier. David tells her they saw it through magic, so Regina thinks Gold is setting her up. Regina is shocked when Mary Margaret tells her Emma used magic to see the memory. Eventually, she and Emma get into an argument about Henry. Regina is desperate to see him having gotten to spend the last week with him actually being his mother and not trying to manipulate him. Emma calls for Mother Superior to throw the fairy dust at Regina, but she catches it. Regina is heading into Evil Queen mode. She screams that Emma will not keep her son from her and magics her down to the ground. Emma tells her that Henry won’t believe her lies now and they know how she is and who she will always be. That hurts Regina. She looks briefly at her hands, like it doesn’t matter if she does magic now because Henry will be against her, and poufs out of there. She watches from her car when Emma tells Henry about Archie, tears streaming down her face.

Snow/Mary Margaret: Snow tries, she really tries to get the Evil Queen to become young Regina again. No matter all the bad that she has done, she really is optimistic that she can get the Evil Queen to change back to who she used to be. I love how snarky Snow is when they entrap the Evil Queen. Snow really does try to get her to come on her own volition, but the Evil Queen is so blinded that she really doesn’t see that Snow White running away alone in the forest (after they just defeated King George) is a trap. Snow and David tell her she really should have just surrendered, but now her reign of terror is over. Snow looks close to tears. At a war council meeting, they all discuss what to do about the Evil Queen. It is decided that they must execute her. After everyone leaves, Snow asks Charming if that’s really what they need to do. Charming says they don’t have a choice, but Snow says there is always a choice. Charming stopped her from killing the Evil Queen once, but that was Charming saving Snow, not saving the Evil Queen. David tries to convince Snow that this is the only thing that can be done about the Evil Queen. At the Evil Queen’s execution, Snow is watching her closely for a reason to stop it. The Evil Queen sounds regretful and then changes her tactic to say she wished she’d killed Snow. Snow’s face just falls. But Snow sees her trembling and crying once the blindfold is on and the arrows are released and tells them to stop (luckily, the Blue Fairy is there to stop the arrows right before they kill her). David doesn’t understand, but Snow is adamant this is not the way. David says the Evil Queen was totally unrepentant, but Snow saw someone who didn’t want to appear weak, even at the end. David says he’s only ever seen her be evil and that’s exactly Snow’s point. She knew her before she was the Evil Queen and she’s sure she can find young Regina again. David can’t believe that Snow wants to rehabilitate the Evil Queen. He doesn’t think they can risk the kingdom. David eventually relents to Snow’s wishes, but reminds her that either path, death or mercy, is basically one way. Snow is in the courtyard thinking when Rumplestiltskin appears (or never left from the aborted execution). They have a heart-to-heart about the Evil Queen. Rumplestiltskin finds it amusing that Snow wants to redeem her, and Snow isn’t even sure if it can be done. He says he can provide her with a test. Snow doesn’t think she can trust him, because he obviously wants the Evil Queen dead (he doesn’t), and he always has a price. Rumplestiltskin tells her that this is an opportunity she shouldn’t waste. Snow goes to see the Evil Queen. She tells the guard to leave, then she checks that she has a knife hidden in her sleeve. The Evil Queen wonders why she’s there. Snow says she remembers the young Regina who saved her life and she thinks she’s still in there somewhere. Regina promises her she’s not. Snow think she just needs someone to help her let her out, so she opens the cell door to let her out. She tells the Evil Queen she can leave the evil back in the cell and become the woman she used to be. Snow seems thrilled when the Evil Queen leaves the cell. She’s looking at her like a proud mama, and then the Evil Queen turns on her and starts to strangle her. Snow struggles and gets out her knife, but the Evil Queen takes it from her. And Snow looks like she’s frightened she’s about to die, but once it’s revealed that the Evil Queen can’t harm her, you realize that she’s angry at herself for believing that the Evil Queen could change. And then she’s practically crying once she sees the Evil Queen can’t change after she stabs her. Snow’s got that disappointed mom look on her face when she tells her it was magic. The Evil Queen is mad that they tricked her. Snow says it wasn’t a trick but a test, one she truly wanted her to pass, because they wanted to hope that she could change. They banish her instead Snow tells her they’re even on saving lives now, but if she hurts anyone in their kingdom again she’ll not hesitate to kill her.

Now, we start with a very happy Mary Margaret as she and David are reacquainting themselves with each other, having not gotten to do that since she went into a portal immediately after the curse broke. That is quickly shattered once Archie is ‘murdered’ and Regina is accused of the deed. The rest of the episode she is either in tears or close to them. Before that, at the Welcome Back party, Mary Margaret and David are not thrilled that Emma invited Regina without asking them first. They don’t believe she can change. Regina is brought in for questioning about Archie’s death and Mary Margaret is crying at the one-way mirror the entire time. I think she is feeling guilty that she didn’t let Regina die at her execution and that is now the reason Archie is dead. By the end of the interrogation Mary Margaret is now mad. She wants to know what they’re going to do about Regina, but Emma informs them they have to let her go because she didn’t do it. They don’t think Emma understands because they know how Regina was as the Evil Queen, and that’s Emma’s point. She sees her changing for Henry. Mary Margaret and David are both on the Regina did it side, but Emma promises she will find out who actually did it. They go to Archie’s office to look through his files (ILLEGAL!!!). Mary Margaret shouldn’t even be there, she’s not part of law enforcement. They come to the conclusion that Gold may be framing Regina. And Mary Margaret is near tears the entire time this scene is happening. They go to Gold’s and straight out accuse him of murdering Archie and framing Regina. Gold suggest extracting the memory of the murder from Pongo using Emma’s magic. Mary Margaret tells her she doesn’t have to do it, but Emma wants to know the truth. They watch ‘Regina’ strangle Archie which shocks Mary Margaret. I think it’s more about watching it happen, because we know she can’t be shocked about Regina actually killing someone. Emma wants to go arrest Regina right away, but Mary Margaret and David tell her they need a plan since Regina has magic. Mary Margaret reminds them that they have fairy dust now and they can use it on Regina again to contain her magic until the dwarfs can build a prison for her like they had for Rumplestiltskin. They go to confront Regina who again accuses Gold of tampering with memories, but Mary Margaret informs her that Emma used magic (barely containing her tears as she does it). When Emma has Mother Superior throw fairy dust at Regina, Mary Margaret and David are fearful when she catches the fairy dust instead of it containing her magic like they’d hoped. Mary Margaret looks appalled when Regina uses her magic to push Emma down (why?). Mary Margaret, David, and Emma go to pick up Henry at the bus stop. Emma is freaking out about being a parent to Henry. Mary Margaret keeps telling her she can do this; be a parent and tell Henry about Archie and Regina. Emma tells Mary Margaret and David they don’t have to try and be her parents, but Mary Margaret says they do. And they will all figure things out together.

Cora/Hook: They have landed in Storybrooke. Hook is dead set on his revenge but Cora prevents him from going after Rumplestiltskin when they realize there is magic there. A local bait shop owner happens upon them and tells them he can open early for them in the morning if they want to go fishing. He comments on Hook’s ship but Cora cloaks it and then turns him into a fish. She tells Hook they need the element of surprise before going for Regina and Rumplestiltskin. They later watch Regina leaving the party and Hook asks Cora if Regina is broken yet. Cora says no. Ruby notices Regina going into Archie’s office, but we later find out it’s Cora. Pongo knows right away it’s not Regina. Hey, Archie, when your dog is barking at someone they see all the time, something fishy is probably going on. Cora appears to strangle Archie, freezes Pongo so he stops barking, and then the magic poufing mist engulfs them. Regina walks out of the office, turns the corner, and then morphs into Cora. See, I think this would have been better if we didn’t know it was Cora until later. If we thought Regina had actually murdered Archie and then when Cora shows him on Hook’s ship we got a flashback of her or an explanation, it might have been more interesting. Cora comes to Hook after Regina has lost everything and is happy about it. Hook calls her Mum of the Year and Cora doesn’t take to kindly to it. She did what was needed. Hook wants to know when he’ll get his revenge on Rumplestiltskin, and Cora said she’s already started helping him. She mentions a gift on his ship. They disappear on to the cloaked ship and Cora shows that Archie is being held captive in the hold of the ship! She tells Hook that he’s privy to all the residents of Storybrooke’s secrets, including the Dark One. And then, the absolute funniest exchange ever. Hook asks who Cora killed if Archie is in the hold of his ship. Cora doesn’t know, it’s her first day in town. HA! Cora tells Hook it might take some work, but this cricket will chirp (yikes). Hook seems happy to have to torture the info out of him.

Charming/David: Really, they play the same part in both the Enchanted Forest and in Storybrooke. He’s all about killing the Evil Queen in the EF and he’s all about locking Regina up in SB. He doesn’t believe he can change in either place. Now, I understand as Charming that he’s only ever dealt with the Evil Queen and seen all the horrible things she’s done. And I get that he’s still biased toward Regina because of that, but just last week David was letting her watch Henry, so when did the blind hatred come back? Out of everyone, David has been seeing her change the most. But basically both Charming and David hate Regina and think she’s incapable of change. In the EF he tries to convince Snow that she can’t change and she’s disappointed when she doesn’t take the chance to change. In SB, he tries to convince Emma that Regina can’t change, and then she’s angry when she thinks Regina actually killed Archie because of what it will do to Henry.

Questions:

What is up with the guy on the dock? A man dressed as a pirate and a woman dressed like a queen are standing on the dock in front of a pirate ship that disappears and he doesn’t think any of this is weird? And where does he think they came from? It’s not like anyone can come in or leave.

What is up with Emma’s hair? It’s a big departure from how she’s normally worn it. It’s half up and piecey. We’ve only ever seen her in Storybrooke with her hair either down and curled, or in a ponytail.

I get that Mary Margaret was gone for a week or so, but Ruby was right there when she returned. Why are they hugging like they haven’t seen each other in forever?

David has been trusting Regina with Henry and with his own life (the sleeping curse) this past week. Why is he now so distrusting of Regina?

Why is Emma eating french fries for breakfast at Granny’s?

When did Emma find out Ruby is a wolf?

Why is David running the kingdom? Is it because he is technically King George’s heir?

Why does Emma assume Archie’s been murdered? It looks like he fell over and died. My first guess would have been a heart attack. Did she plan on doing an autopsy to find the cause of death before accusing Regina?

Why is Mary Margaret at Regina’s interrogation? She has nothing to do with the police investigation.

I couldn’t find an answer to this on Google, but isn’t it illegal to go through a doctor’s files, even if they’re dead? Wouldn’t Emma have to get a warrant of some kind? And even then, she’d have to have specific clients in mind to look through their files. 

Why was Regina brought in and questioned at the station but they just question Gold at his shop?

Where did the fairy dust come from? I thought Gold took all the fairy dust diamonds in Queen of Hearts.

Are the fairies going to stay nuns?

Why didn’t Emma take Henry back to the loft to tell him about Archie? I know, I know, it’s so we can see Regina’s reaction, but still. Telling your child that his adoptive mother killed his therapist on a public park bench doesn’t seem like the best idea.

Snow let the Evil Queen keep her castle? Wasn’t that Snow’s castle to begin with? Why would they let her keep the castle? Are the people in her kingdom part of King George’s (now Snow and Charming’s) kingdom since the Evil Queen doesn’t have a kingdom anymore?

Observations:

A swan swims by at the docks when Hook and Cora are leaving to check out Storybrooke.

The Welcome Home Mary Margaret banner is the same one they used when she got out of jail in The Return. They have added ‘and Emma’ to it.

Leroy grabs a cooking knife off the counter when Regina walks into Granny’s.

Archie is the worst therapist in the world. YOU DO NOT TELL OTHER PEOPLE WHAT YOU ARE TOLD IN A THERAPY SESSION!!!

Pongo hangs out for therapy sessions.

Rumplestiltskin’s souvenir and where he gets the hair for the spell is the blindfold Regina wore when she was going to be executed.

Gold is surprisingly good with dogs.

Dreamcatchers don’t catch dreams, they can hold memories.

Looks like no one told David about Emma possibly having magic.

It’s 3:15 when Emma is waiting for Henry’s bus.

Henry is calling Emma by her name instead of mom like he did in Queen of Hearts.

Sneaky Rumplestiltskin, making sure the Evil Queen would cast the curse where she’d be able to hurt Snow and Charming (except she hasn’t, 28 years and she never harmed them once).

This was a great episode. Lana Parilla made me feel sorry for her both as the Evil Queen and as Regina. It’s awful what some mothers will do to make their children dependent on them, and Regina doesn’t even know Cora is in town! I loved seeing all the pieces to make sure the Evil Queen cast the curse fall into place. And I’m glad Archie is alive, even if it looks like he might be tortured by Hook in the future.

Please leave comments and reblog! Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future reviews.

@searchingwardrobes @thisonesatellite @justbecauseyoubelievesomething @laschatzi @profdanglaisstuff @mariakov81​

[bangtan-gal]

Rules of the Court (M) Pt. 2 of Nothing But Net

S.cb (also kind of h.js)

highschool!Au tennis!au

Warnings: implied smut, swearing, angst, mentions of drugs, messed up relationships

You watched Changbin drive away, turmoil running through you. You smelled like a mix of sex and smoke and sweat still clung to your body. You tugged on your dress one last time before you turned back, making your way towards the highschool. The smell of weed became stronger as you approached and your eyes met Jisung’s as he leaned against the brick. You huffed, eyes rolling.

“What’s up with all these tennis players smoking their scholarships away?” You grumbled, stopping several feet away from him. He chuckled, pulling the blunt from  his lips and rolling it between his fingers.

“I’m not like Changbin Y/N,” he murmured, eyes following the trail of smoke that curled into the deep blue sky, “my life isn’t tennis. Who cares if I get a scholarship? I probably won’t go to college anyways.”

You scoffed and started towards the doors.

“I know you’re sleeping together.”

You paused and glanced over your shoulder. Jisung was no longer looked at you as his gaze wandered over the soccer fields on the other side of the parking lot. You let out a sigh and walked towards the boy, your nose wrinkling against the stench as you leaned against the wall. 

“Don’t say that like it hurts you,” you snapped. A chill breeze started to creep along your legs and you pressed tightly against the brick wall, shivering. The jagged edges poked along your spine and between your ribs, but you stayed still. 

“It doesn’t,” he hummed, “I’m more worried about Changbin. He’s fallen for you and I know yo—”

“No you don’t.”

“I dated you for three fucking years, Y/N, I’m pretty damn sure I know you. I know that as much as you love him back, you’ll grow scared—of the nature of the relationship, of yourself. You’ll break him and send him off, thinking it’s for his own good,” Jisung sighed. You bit the nail of your thumb, glancing down at the cracked cement below you. He waved the blunt around, almost as if to emphasize his point. In a momentary fit, you snatched the roll and tossed it to the ground, crushing it under your shoe. The boy stared in dismay, mumbling under his breath that it was his last one. “Your preference to smoking definitely hasn’t.”

“And you wonder why it didn’t last.”

Jisung didn’t reply as he let his head fall back against the wall. Chan and Jeongin stepped out of the doors, both sending stares your way before they both waved and disappeared to their car. You continued rolling the blunt under your shoe and when you pulled away, it was just a pile of ash and torn up paper. Jisung glanced down at it, a disappointed sigh escaping from him.

“Is that what you plan on doing to Changbin?”

“What the fuck is your problem?”—you slapped his chest—“all you do is nag and terrorize me and you do it with a smile”—another slap—“and it’s annoying! Do you hate me or something?”

Jisung grabbed your hand before you could hit him again. He let go of your hand after a moment, shaking his head. You backed up, crossing your arms again. 

“I care about you Y/N… I know you hate me and rightly so. I also care about Changbin; so don’t go breaking both your hearts. Neither one of you deserve that and maybe your relationship isn’t perfect, but the least you could do is give him a chance,” he whispered. You nodded, your eyes darting towards his destroyed cigarette on the ground.

“Sorry Jisung.”

⧪⧪⧬⧪⧪ 

You pulled up in front of Changbin’s house, staring at the dark windows for a moment, questioning if you should really be here. The boy was trying to push you out—you saw the signs, you knew the signs—it was something you’d done your whole life. You’d done it to your parents, your friends, and even Jisung.  But maybe that was what dragged you up to the door and had you aggressively ringing the doorbell multiple times until the boy answered. He stood there in only his sweats. 

He raised an eyebrow. “Was earlier not enough for you?”

“I came to talk,” you murmured and nudged past him. You stood in the entryway for a moment, before turning to him. The boy seemed to pick up on your mood, realizing this was serious. This wasn’t a hookup. 

“Can I get you something to drink?”

“Water is fine.”

The two of you made your way to the kitchen. You leaned against the counter, graciously accepting the glass he handed you. You stared into the glass, swirling it around and watching as the few ice cubes started to dissipate. You finally looked up, a loud sigh filling the room. 

“We graduate soon,” you stated and then looked out the window. The moon started to rise steadily. “Tennis is your life and I’m probably going to pursue engineering or something… two completely different paths.”

The last part you said was an after thought. And for the smallest second, you truly questioned if this was worth it. Would you and Changbin even stay together? At this point in your life, you were sick of tennis, would you still be able to handle him? But when you met his confused stare, you got your answer. You could. He could. Sure, he was a shorter version of Jisung in some ways, but completely different in a million others. He was willing to put the smoke away for you. 

“We’re both going to the same college. I-I don’t want to get there and pretend like we don’t know one another anymore,” you whispered.

Changbin just stared silently. 

“I want something more than… than this”—you motioned to the air between the two of you—“I… er… I don’t really know what I want, ya know? I suck at opening up to people and keeping them around, but this is something we could try. The sex isn’t enough for me—actually, hell—it’s never been enough. The thing that always had me coming back was the cuddles, the kisses, and the breakfast the morning after.”

You paused, taking a loud sip from the glass. Changbin wasn’t replying and it was causing your heart to stutter in your chest. Shit, what if this was the wrong thing? What if Jisung was just being himself and dragged you into this mess? Maybe you’d been imagining Changbin’s emotions this whole time; maybe your own emotions made it up. Shit.

“Fuck,” you hissed, turning around and setting the glass on the counter. You ran a hand through your hair, trying to ignore the beat of your heart. Your palms started to sweat as you placed them down on the counter. This wasn’t good, this wasn’t okay. You were falling apart. He didn’t want you. What made you think he wanted you?

“Did you ever love Jisung?”

The question threw you off guard. You stared out the window, watching as the tire swing rocked back and forth in the wind. Changbin approached you, standing beside you, arms crossed and expression steely. 

You scoffed in disbelief. “I’m trying to pour my feelings out and you’re over here asking about my feelings for some other boy?”

Changbin shrugged.

“You guys dated through eighth grade to Sophomore year,” he explained, “I mean… was ‘I love you’ dropped at all throughout that?”

You shook your head and then paused. 

You hadn’t, but Jisung had once or twice.

“Why is this important?” You whispered.

“A couple nights ago, Jisung showed up late, drunk off his ass and sobbing. He kept blubbering about how he loved you and no matter how hard he tried to get your attention, you refused it. How you still think he’s an awful person. You know Y/N—”

“—he never meant those words he said?” You shook your head. “I fucking know, okay Changbin? I’ve always known, but I wasn’t happy there. I didn’t love him and he did: it was a hopeless relationship. It was my excuse to leave.”

You picked up the glass, taking another loud sip. Changbin just stared at you, eyes flickering over your face. You suddenly felt defensive and everything you’d just spilled to Changbin was making you sick. This was why you didn’t open your walls; people always cared about someone else more than you. Your parents loved your brother more. Your friends cared more about other friends. Jisung cared about his drugs. And now Changbin would probably choose Jisung and tennis over you. 

“Whatever, I gotta go,” you huffed. You tried to walk out, but his hand found yours and he pulled you back against him. His arms slipped around your waist and his face rested against your shoulders.

“I’m sorry Y/N, I know you’ve been hurt. By me and by others… I do want that too, okay? I want to stay with you, I want something more. But we can’t have it until whatever is going on between you and Jisung has been sorted out,” he whispered.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I care about the both of you.”

You could’ve laughed at how both boys said the same thing to you that day. 

⧪⧪⧬⧪⧪ 

Working things out with Jisung was hard. It took courage to finally pick up your phone, unblock his number, and watch as a million texts from years ago flooded your screen. It was even harder to call him and ask him to meet up. Even harder to show up and sit across from him in the cafe and just talk about what happened between you two. It got awkward, admitting to faults, talking about the smoking, the arguing, and it was hard to keep a straight face when the mention of virginity got brought up and an elderly couple nearby looked at the two of you with disgust.

Whatever your relationship had been was confusing. You both wondered if at times, it wasn’t for the sake of love, but just for the sake of an escape. Jisung’s mom was nowhere to be seen, his dad was an addict. Your parents loved your brother more than you and you always felt yourself trying to impress others and find a reason for others to care. The two of you both struggled to explain the rules of love. 

You now stood in your graduation gown beside Changbin, fingers intertwined. You held your cap in the other hand. The two of you were silent, just staring at the rolling fields of grass. The sun was high in the sky and sweat dripped along your back. You sighed. 

“Off to college,” you murmured, smiling at him. He grinned back.   

“With you.”

“With you,” you repeated and then pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

[fanfics4all]

The Northside Serpent: Part 16

Request: Yes / No

Request are open but ONLY if they’re Halloween<3 Have a nice day/night

Sweet Pea x Keller!Reader

Word count: 2654

Warnings: I think just cursing

Y/N: Your Name

Y/N/N: Your Nickname

Summary: You’re Kevin Keller’s little sister when you’re mom left to go to war and your dad started cheating (I’m making it so he’s been cheating since season 1) You started rebelling; dying your hair, getting a nose piercing, tattoo, and hanging out on the southside.

PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY WORK, I WORK HARD ON MY FICS AND IT’S NOT COOL TO STEAL SOMEONE ELSE’S WORK!

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1, 2, 3, 4,5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16

Masterlist

(Not my photo, credit to whoever made it!)

I was on the back of Sweet Pea’s bike, but this time it felt foreign. The was the first time he’s talked to me in weeks, or even looked at me. We were now on the southside and coming close to Sunnyside Trailer Park. I was worried what was going to happen once we go there because Sweet Pea and I still weren’t together but they way he wrapped me in his arms…

We got to their home and the bikes came to a halt. Fangs got off his and Sweet Pea hopped off after then looked at me. I just stared at them and they just looked back at me confused.

“Quinny? You okay?” Fangs asked and I blinked but nodded.

“Um…yeah…” I said and got off Sweet’s bike.

“So that was real?” Sweet Pea asked as we walked into his place.

“Yeah, dude that was fucked.” Fangs said sitting down. Sweet Pea plopped down on the other couch and again they looked at me confused.

“Seriously are you okay?” Fangs asked and I stole a glance at Sweet Pea. Fangs noticed and nodded.

“Right…” He said and then coughed awkwardly. Sweet Pea grabbed my hand and pulled me to sit next to him.

“I thought the Black hood was dead.” He said looked back at Fangs.

“They said he was, maybe it’s some sick fuck trying to be him.” Fangs said. Everything that happened at the play just hit me. Midge was dead… Murdered… I felt tears fall down my face and I let out a whimper. Sweet Pea wrapped his arms around me again and kissed my head. If I wasn’t so upset about my friend being murdered I would have pushed him away, but I leaned into him.

“It’s okay…” He said quietly. I glanced at Fangs and he just gave me a sorrowful smile.

“I think I’m gonna head home. I’ll see you guys later.” He said and then left. Sweet Pea held me to him until I stopped crying. I pulled away and looked up at him. He wiped my face and pushed some hair behind my ear.

“You’re safe.” He said and all I could do was stare at him, those eyes I missed so much.

“Why do you care?” I asked and he looked at me confused.

“You broke up with me and wouldn’t even look at me.” I said with a sniffle.

“I don’t want you to lose your family because of me.” He said with a sigh.

“I’m not losing my family because of you, I told you it’s because of my dad’s stupid decision to cheat on my mom.” I said shaking my head and looking away from him.

“I know but I’m still part of the problem, besides they’re right. You do deserve better. You deserve someone that can give you the world…” He said and I looked at him confused.

“What are you talking about? I don’t want the world, I want you.” I said grabbing his hand and he looked up at me.

“People talk Y/N. And they’re right, you’re a Northsider that could never have the life I’m sure you want with someone like me…” He said and I could see tears glossing over his eyes.

“Sweet Pea…” I said and placed my hand on his face.

“I love you. I don’t give a shit what anyone else says, I want you. I will always want you. I was proud to be with you, you are the most wonderful, badass guy in the world. You are the one and only guy in the world that I could ever want.” I said and he looked at me but couldn’t hide the smile that was on his face.

“I love you.” He said and I leaned up, placing my lips on his. He pushed me down on the couch. He deepened the kiss but I pulled back.

“I-I can’t…” I said thinking about Midge…

“Right… I’m sorry.” He said pulling back and sitting down again. I said and shook my head.

“No, it wasn’t you. Midge is dead…” I said as my eyes started watering again.

“I know, I’m sorry.” He said pulling me to him again.

“I’m also sorry for hurting you the way I did…” He said and I looked up at him.

“I’ll make it up to you.” He said and I just pecked his lips.

“Can we just go back to the way things were? Pretend we never broke up?” I asked and he nodded with a small chuckle.

“Of course babe.” He said kissing my head.

“Can I stay here tonight?” I asked and he nodded.

“Anytime.” He said then picked me up taking me to his room. He dropped me on the bed and went to look in his closet. He pulled out one of his shirts and tossed it at me. I got undressed and put it on and he smiled at me.

“I wish I could see that more often.” He said wrapping his arms around my waist and kissed my neck.

“Maybe one day.” I said with a small smile. I yawned and he kissed my cheek.

“Let’s go to sleep.” He said and I nodded. We crawled into bed and fell asleep in almost no time.

The next few days were hard on Riverdale. Everyone was dealing with Midge’s death, some better than others. My father had interrogated everyone that was part of the play, including me and my brother. It was finally time for the funeral and I was to dress in a black Vixens uniform and stand behind Cheryl as she sang for Midge.

“When you walk through a storm hold your head up high and don’t be afraid of the dark at the end of the storm there’s a golden sky and the sweet silver song of a lark… You’ll never walk alone...” Cheryl sang and we all raised our black pom-poms.

“I also feel it is my duty to say that, like the Furies of Ancient Greece, who ceaselessly pursue blood atonement when a crime’s been committed, the Vixens and I vow that we will not rest until those responsible for the murder or our sister is rightly punished.” She said and looked at my father… After that we all went back to be with everyone else. I was standing next to Sweet Pea and he pulled me into him. We listened to other people speak, then it was over. Sweet Pea, Fangs, Toni, and I were walking to leave when we saw my dad walking up to Cheryl and Mrs. Klump.

“Mrs. Klump? I just want you to know that the Sheriff’s department is working around the clock-” He was cut off by Mrs. Klump smacking him.

“Oh my god…” I said looked at them in shock.

“You’re supposed to be protecting our children! And you should be ashamed of yourself!” Mrs. Klump said and walked off.

“Your days of failing this town over and over again are numbered...Sheriff” Cheryl said and stared at them in shock.

“Great girlfriend you got there Topaz.” Fangs said and Toni smacked him.

“As much as I’m mad at my dad, he’s doing his best…” I said and Sweet Pea wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

“I’m sure everything will be find…” Sweets said and I sighed.

“Come on, let’s go to the Wyrm and try to forget about everything.” Toni said and we all nodded. The four of us went to the Wyrm, the boy were playing pool and Toni and I were at the bar.

“As much as I love Cheryl, my dad really is trying his best. He doesn’t want a killer loose, he’s worried that me or Kevin will be next…” I said with a sigh.

“Hey, I’ll admit you’re dad isn’t my favorite person in the world, but Cheryl may be going a little crazy…” She said placing a hand on my shoulder.

“And Sweet Pea would never let anything happen to you.” She said with a smile and looked over at the boys.

“None of us would.” She added and I smiled. Sweets and Fangs looked over at us then smiled.

“I’m glad you two are back together, He was a wreck without you.” Toni said with a smirk.

“Really?” I asked looking back at her.

“Yeah, the amount of time Fangs, Jughead, and I would annoying him just apologize to you was insane.” She said and I smiled.

We spent a few hours at the Wyrm until I needed to go home. Sweet Pea drove me home and my brother was standing outside. He gave me a disappointed look and shook his head. I sighed and he went back inside. I turned around and Sweet Pea looked at me sadly.

“Maybe I shouldn’t give you rides home anymore…” He said but I shook my head.

“No, Sweet Pea, I love you and nothing my family say or do will make me change the way I feel about you.” I said and he smiled at me.

“I don’t want to-”

“You won’t.” I said cutting him off. He sighed and I placed my lips on his.

“Goodnight, I’ll see you at school tomorrow?” I said and he nodded.

“Goodnight babe.” He said and gave me peck. He drove off and I went inside to see Kevin waiting for me.

“You’re back together?” He asked me.

“Yes Kevin, I told you I love him.” I said rolling my eyes.

“I know but-”

“But nothing! I’m happy with him, can’t that be enough for you and dad!?” I shouted. Kevin stared at me shocked and I just went up to my room.

The next day we had school, it was very weird to be here after what happened but everyone seemed to be adjusting. I was at cheer practice with Cheryl when my brother stormed in.

“Cheryl, what the hell are you doing?” He asked and Cheryl got up.

“Kevin. No doubt you’ve read my think-piece in ‘The Register’.” She said and I stood up looking at the two confused.

“Yeah, I did, and I demand a retraction! You’re smearing my father!” He shouted.

“Wait what?” I asked and Kevin handed me the paper. I skimmed over it and looked at Cheryl shocked.

“What the hell Cheryl? Our dad is doing his best!” I asked annoyed and she scoffed.

“Your father’s been incompetent since the beginning of time. And now that more bodies are dropping, he needs to step down. Lady Justice will be served, my Vixens and I will see to it.” She said and I scoffed.

“Then I don’t want to be a Vixen anymore!” I said shoving the paper into her chest.

“Y/N/N, you’re mad at your dad, you should agree with me!” She said and I rolled my eyes.

“I may be pissed at him but no way in hell will I be apart of your little revenge schema!” I said and grabbed my brothers arm. I pulled him out of the gym and he stopped me when we were in the hall.

“What?” I asked and he just smiled.

“At least we know you don’t hate dad.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“I don’t hate him, I’m just pissed he’s ruining our family.” I said and Kevin pulled me into a hug but I pushed him away.

“Don’t even. Not until you and dad can get over your whole hating the Southside shit.” I said and he sighed. I looked behind my brother and saw Sweet Pea walking with Fangs and Toni.

“I’ll see you at home later.” I said and then walked over to them.

“Hey babe, I thought you had practice?” Sweet Pea asked.

“I’m not a Vixen anymore.” I said shrugging. The three of them stared at me with wide eyes.

“What? You love being a Vixen!” Toni said shocked.

“Cheryl attacked my dad in the paper and I told her I wasn’t gonna be part of her revenge schema.” I said and Toni looked at me.

“I’ll talk to her.” She said then walked off.

“Well, since you’re not in practice anymore…” Fangs said and I looked at him.

“Yes?” I asked.

“Wanna hang out with us? We were gonna go to Pea’s place and watch some movies.” He said and I nodded.

“Sounds great!” I smiled.

“Yeah, as long as you don’t mind being the third wheel.” Sweets said to Fangs.

“I’m pretty sure you’ll be the third wheel.” Fangs said and picked me up. He tossed me over his shoulder and started running out of the school.

“Hey!” Sweet Pea shouted and ran after us. I giggled and Fangs put me on the back of his bike.

“See you there!” He called and drove off while we were laughing. We got there and Sweet Pea wasn’t too long after. He ran up to us and grabbed me.

“Don’t you even try to steal my girl! We both know there’s no competition.” He said carrying me inside. Fangs and I couldn’t stop laughing. Sweet Pea sat me on my lap and held me close.

“You know I love you baby.” I said and kissed his nose. He grumbled but couldn’t help but smile. The three of us watch some movies and had a little bit of a popcorn fight. I was having a great time until my brother called me.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Come outside, we need to get home.” He said and I looked out Sweet Pea’s window confused. Kevin was outside in the car waiting for me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Y/N it’s late, let’s just go home.” He said and I sighed.

“Fine.” I said and hung up. I got up and the two boys looked at me confused.

“Sorry boys, I gotta go home.” I said grabbing my bag.

“Awww come on.” They both said.

“Sorry, I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” I said and gave Sweet Pea a kiss. Fangs cleared his throat and I looked at him confused. He pouted and I shook my head. I walked over to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“What did I tell you! She’s so into me more than you!” Fangs said and I giggled.

“Oh shut it!” Sweets said and he opened the door for me. I laughed and gave him another kiss.

“I love you.” I said and he smirked at Fangs.

“Ii love you too babe.” He said and then I left with Kevin. When we got home the lights were out and we looked at each other confused.

“Dad?” Kevin called and checked his office. He grabbed my hand and pulled me in with him. Our dad was sitting in the dark drinking.

“Are you okay?” I asked and he shook his head.

“Deputy Mayor has demanded that I step down as Sheriff. Turn in my badge. If Fred Anders get elected Mayor, then I live to fight another day. And if Hermione Lodge wins, well, then, I’m out on my ass.” He said taking another drink.

“We’ll campaign for Mr. Andrews 24/7. But you can’t desert your post in the middle of a crisis.” Kevin said.

“Kids, if I resign, they’ll likely bring in somebody from the outside. Someone who could hopefully catch the Black Hood.” He said and I walked over and kneeled down.

“You can catch the Black Hood. You’re good at your job, don’t listen to anything Cheryl says!” I said and he shook his head.

“I can’t catch him…” He said with a sigh and then looked at Kevin.

“Take you sister to her room.” My dad said and my brother sighed. He came over and told me follow him. He took me to my room and sat me down.

“What’s gonna happen?” I asked worried.

“We’ll be okay, don’t worry.” He said and hugged me.

“We’re be okay…” He repeated.

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