#I thought 8 hours was bad (my typical average)

[captain-daryn]

I’ve been targeted too, dammit

[thisuserislilsilly]

For all the ships n' cute stuff enjoyers fear not I have thought of this too, got some little quirks and interesting things your bulky and lovable giant hawk man do when they feel....certain things for special folks. Although like always this is rare bcs the whole thing of SM being bad at showing love or whatever....

BUT THIS IS MY BLOG AND I CAN MAKE THEM FEEL A BIT OF LOVE WHENEVER I WA-

Side note: @cardinalcanis if you even make one single headcanon or thought about this istg I will make more and will be my personal mission to get the thought of how a Ember Nomad bf would look like (it is a friendly threat, you've been warned)

In the rare case you get yourself a Nomad bf: a bulletpoint round

1. Get used to them randomly including your name in their songs, not only makes it so the whole ship now knows you have a thing with an Astartes, it makes it too so now you're forever a part of his history/life. Breakups will hurt, and they will hurt a fucking lot

2. Lots and lots of nicknames, many of them horse/storm/wind themed. He will remember your name sure, but he will prefer to just call you by the nickname

3. Prepare to have a giant looking over your shoulder wherever you go, making people either look at you scared out of their lives or never talk nonchalantly, just having privacy whenever you go to the bathroom.

4. Also be prepared to have a tok of trinkets and random items laying around your room/house in your homeworld. Nomads tend to give gifts like a sign of trust, if they already exchange weapons and trinkets with a lot of significance for them between brothers, what makes you think you won't have any?

5. Giant warm blanket in the night....need I say more? Also they do little bird noises when they snore, blame his gene-seed, not him

6. Bro-fists, bumping into you, giving (soft for a Astarte) headbutts and slaps in your back are typical for them; the Nomads do it almost out of instinct so your back and arms sometimes will be sore or have bruises (that they will be eternally sorry for doing)

7. Screw remembering your birthday, your Ember bf will remember the precise hour he met you, where did he met you, the how, what you were wearing and have a guess how exactly was the night sky of his homeworld the day you were born to have a prediction on how your life would end......oh and your birthday too

8. Lots of very tight hugs, although not much kisses sadly, they are way too weirded out by them and even when you explain how they work and what makes you feel they would just awkwardly kiss your forehead at most.

9. They come from a savage world, filled with dangers and with a very strong tie with their previous family, now imagine how someone breed there would defend you. They would become so savage other Nomads would have to come help you not make your bf skin whoever hurt your feelings alive.

10. Lastly if the time between your meetings is too long or it seems he'll go on a dangerous mission (because this are Astartes and this is grimdark where happiness never last long), your average Nomad bf will either break up so you can have a good life not worrying constantly (told you, grimdark...) or would attempt constantly to send message via Astropaths, Psykers or encrypted Vox messages to contact you and know how you are and where are you, sending love and gifts if he could.

I'm not crying you are

[up-in-space-reading]

Average Weekly Screentime - Chap 4: Study Dates and Movie Not-Dates

pairing: Jake Peralta x Amy Santiago

word count: 3546

warnings/tags: college au, texting, drunk texting, text fic (mostly, there's prose a few chaps in), bets, bisexual!jake peralta, jake peralta has adhd, parties, drinking and alcohol, sexual references, implied sexual content (nothing explicit, just suggested its going to happen/has happened), friends to lovers, swearing, mentions of cannibalism, lighthearted threats of violence (typical rosa stuff yk), fluff CW: At one point in this chapter there's a guy being a bit pushy towards Amy but its over fairly quickly and nothing bad happens.

read on ao3

Average Weekly Screentime masterlist

Story Summary: texting fic college AU with the squad! It's the beginning of the school year and while everyone else thinks it'll be the same as the previous year, Gina has a feeling things are going to be different and wagers a bet with Rosa and Charles. Told through all the various group chats everyone is in.

Chap 1 | Chap 2 | Chap 3 | Chap 4 | Chap 5 | Chap 6 | Chap 7 | Chap 8 | Chap 9 | Chap 10

authors note: Another chapter is here!!! I don't really have much to say about this chapter if I'm honest except that it was a fun one to write!! There's actually some fun little Gina and Charles moments that were very fun to write so I hope you like those too.

Thanks for reading <3

Jimmy Jabbers

[11:32am, Sunday]

Pineapples: how is everyone this fine morning??

Four Eyes: It’s far from a fine morning, it’s absolutely freezing outside Four Eyes: Also my head hurts

Pineapples: you and me both ames

Four Eyes: I was thinking of going to Sal’s for a greasy breakfast and coffee

Pineapples: great idea! Pineapples: count me in

Queen G: calm down u two Queen G: im also in Queen G: ily sal

RoRo: same

Pineapples: that u love sal?

RoRo: I’ll hit you

Mr Grapes: count me in for greasy breakfast too! Mr Grapes: gotta have the party debrief

-

Dance Squad

[11:37am, Sunday]

G-Hive: well that’s a new development

Scary: elaborate?

G-Hive: ‘ames’ G-Hive: a nickname

Scary: right Scary: is ur life THAT boring gina?

G-Hive: i will end u

Scary: i’d love to see u try

-

Amy sat up in bed with a groan, her muscles aching after the hours of dancing and the cold walk home in heels. Her head was hurting, the light peeking through her curtains just a bit too bright for comfort. She stretched and mentally went through her routine to get ready: pain killers, brush teeth, get dressed, do hair. Makeup was not going to happen today she had decided quickly, and she was sure the left-over black eyeliner hugging her lash line was sufficient to convey an illusion of effort.

She moved about her dorm going through the process of getting ready, making sure to wear some layers as a cautionary look at the weather report told her that she would need to rug up. A part of her made the rest of her feel guilty for not showering but she wanted to be ready quickly to go out, and she wasn’t ready to part with the curls Gina had crafted just yet. So to preserve them a bit longer Amy tied her hair up into a ponytail.

It wasn’t long after she’d finished tying her hair up she got a message from Jake.

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[11:58am, Sunday]

Ferris: u ready?

Cameron: Yep!

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[11:59am, Sunday]

Pineapples: whos ready??

Queen G: rosa and i are

Mr Grapes: mee!

Four Eyes: Ready

Pineapples: meet at sals? Pineapples: usual table?

Queen G: k

Mr Grapes: yep

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[12:03pm, Sunday]

Ferris: im outside ur building

Cameron: I thought we were meeting there?

Ferris: i got too excited and left early

Cameron: Haha okay, on my way out now

-

Amy put her hoodie on and zipped it up, she then quickly wrapped her scarf loosely around her neck and was about to walk out of her door when she suddenly remembered the jacket hanging over her desk chair.

Without thinking, she put it on over her hoodie and ran out the door shrugging her bag onto her shoulder. The elevator ride was quick and walking through the building Amy noticed a few others who seemed to be nursing hangovers from an eventful Saturday night.

She met up with Jake outside who seemed to give her a once over before prompting the beginning of their walk, Amy didn’t question the look he gave her and chalked it up to being hungover. They chatted about nothing in particular as they made the short walk to Sal’s.

Walking through the door they were hit with a strong gust of warm air, the heating having been turned up to accommodate for the weather outside. Rosa, Gina and Charles had already gotten there and were getting comfortable in their usual booth.

Jake called out to them as he and Amy walked through the diner towards the table, Charles turned around to greet Jake back. His face lit up when he saw the two of them and Amy thought it was nice how close Jake and Charles were.

Charles quickly turned back around in his seat and Gina raised an eyebrow at him before composing herself again. Charles shuffled down the booth so Jake and Amy could slide in, Jake sitting in the middle and Amy on the edge.

She quickly got warm in the diner and moved to take Jake’s jacket off, handing it back to him.

“Sorry, forgot to give you this earlier” She said as she handed it to him.

“Ain’t no thang” He placed it on the seat between the two of them as Amy gave him a weird look in response to him.

-

Dance Squad

[12:10pm, Sunday]

Charlese: have mercy on me Charlese: he gave her his jacket Charlese: that’s his favourite jacket

G-Hive: what does it MEAN charles

Scary: I think you know exactly what it means gina

G-Hive: but he hasnt even said anything about liking a girl G-Hive: let alone AMY G-Hive: he usually overshares about that stuff

Charlese: he definitely would’ve told me by now

Scary: you two are exhausting

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[12:11pm, Sunday]

Cameron: Rosa, Gina, and Charles are texting each other aren’t they?

Ferris: we can only assume so Ferris: so rude tbh

-

The five of them ordered their greasy breakfasts and a boat load of coffee, talking about the party and how everyone’s night went. Charles began oversharing about his evening with a girl before a round of disgusted responses got him to ease up with the details.

Gina and Rosa (primarily Gina) recapped every detail leading up to and during the argument some two random guys were having which caused them to leave. Then Jake and Amy were asked how their night went, Amy almost began blushing and felt embarrassed to answer but she didn’t know why. All she did was play beer pong with Jake and the others, then dance with Jake, then walk home with Jake, and borrowed Jake’s jacket-

Oh.

“I’m just gonna run to the bathroom” She excused herself from the table quickly while Jake recounted the beer pong game for Gina.

While in the bathroom she tried to get her head straight, convincing herself now wasn’t the time to think about these sorts of things because she was hungover and tired. For now she moved all the thoughts of her night with Jake to the back of her mind, glad that they were still talking about beer pong when she returned to the table.

After a while and checking the time Amy decided to go back to her dorm and do some reading, wanting to at least feel mildly productive today. Everyone agreed they all had things they needed to do, so they all paid and left the diner, walking back to campus in the cold.

They went their separate ways towards their dorms and Amy almost felt lonely going up the path towards her building without Jake by her side, cracking jokes and bouncing on his toes with excitement over a new would you rather question he thought of.

Once back in her dorm she sighed heavily, getting out a book, putting on some music and settling on her bed to read.

-

Dance Squad

[04:06pm, Sunday]

G-Hive: do we need a debrief orrr??

Charlese: a debrief would be fantastic

Scary: you two are way too heavily invested in our friends love lives Scary: they’re gonna do what they’re gonna do and in their own time Scary: what they tell us and what they don’t is up to them, give them some space and have some boundaries Scary: don’t be weird and don’t be creepy

Charlese: …

G-Hive: … jeez rosa G-Hive: charles call me in 10 we gotta talk

Charlese: will do!

Scary: unbelievable

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[04:19pm, Sunday]

Ferris: just asked charles if he wanted to watch a movie and he said no bc he is on the phone to GINA

Cameron: That’s so weird, what are they talking about?

Ferris: he wouldnt tell me!

Cameron: That is very unlike either of them Cameron: It’s probably nothing, don’t stress about it

Ferris: hm okay

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[06:12pm, Monday]

Pineapples: okay Pineapples: what is the message u would send to signify you were kidnapped

Mr Grapes: McDonalds is the best food ever

RoRo: the colour pink is underrated

Queen G: Beyonce is overrated

Four Eyes: Books are for nerds

Pineapples: mine is Pineapples: i love making the bed

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[07:32pm, Monday]

Ferris: really wish i had some soup yk

Cameron: My mom makes the best soups; I’m looking forward to going home for the holidays and eating as much of it as possible

Ferris: brag much! Ferris: if there is leftover ill happily accept

Cameron: Haha, with all of my brothers that’s a very big IF

Ferris: how many brothers do u have??

Cameron: Seven

Ferris: JEEEEZ Ferris: no wonder you are the way you are

Cameron: What’s that supposed to mean!?

Ferris: ur SO competitive Ferris: me too tbf

Cameron: Can’t argue with you on that one..

Ferris: i tell it like it is

Cameron: Sure you do Pineapples

Ferris: the horrors never end :(

-

[02:10pm, Tuesday]

Cameron: Are you on your way yet? Cameron: I’m at our usual table

Ferris: sorry omw Ferris: couldnt find the right notebook

-

“I said I’m not really interested right now, I’m just trying to study” Amy said for the third time to the guy sitting across the table from her, getting increasingly agitated at his persistence and praying Jake would show up soon.

Her prayers were answered when she saw Jake walk in and spot her, at first looking happy to see her before his expression changed. He could tell immediately that something was wrong and made a beeline for the table as quick as he could without running through the library.

“Jake, you’re here, hi” Amy quickly cut off the guy who just began talking again.

“Hi Ames, is everything alright?” He sat down next to Amy and was quickly looking back and forth between her and the guy who was now confused and angry at Jake’s presence.

“I was just asking her out because I think she’s pretty” The guy cut in, not letting Amy answer.

A look of understanding crossed Jake’s face.

“Well as her boyfriend I’m not sure I can support that” He put an arm around Amy’s shoulders as he said this and her eyes widened in surprise.

She hoped against everything that Jake didn’t notice the heat creep up her neck, she could hear her heartbeat in her ears as her brain was running through a million different emotions all at once.

The guy scoffed and walked away from the table, leaving Amy to sigh a breath of relief. Jake removed his arm from around her and she was disappointed at the loss of warmth and weight.

“Well he sucked” Jake commented after a few moments of silence, trying to break the tension.

Amy exhaled quickly through her nose in response.

“Yeah he did” A few more moments of silence passed as Jake got his things out of his bag, “thanks for that, I appreciate it” She continued, quieter than before.

“It’s fine” Jake shrugged it off, opening his books and laptop, spreading everything out across the table.

The two of them worked for roughly 10 minutes in comfortable silence aside from the clatter of laptop keyboards and the clicking of pens. Suddenly Jake stopped with a halt, putting down his pen and leaning down to rummage through his bag.

“I completely forgot, I brought lunch”

He pulled two sandwiches out of his bag, handing one to Amy.

“You got subs? Lunch was meant to be on me today” Amy protested with a smile, remembering their banter from the weekend.

“Next week it’s on you, then” He responded, waving a hand in dismissal.

He went to open the sub and begin eating it right there over his books and it made Amy cringe but she let him be, knowing her objections wouldn’t make a difference.

They spent a few hours at the library studying until it got dark, Jake frequently asked Amy questions about the work and she was happy to answer all of them.

She wore a small smile on her face the entire way back until she got in her dorm room and realised what she was doing. She then proceeded to scream into her pillow and flail around until she was satisfied she’d gotten her feelings out, feeling childish afterwards.

Her feelings for Jake was something she simply chose to not think about, because having feelings for Jake was complicated and Amy’s never done well with complicated that wasn’t related to school work.

There was also no way Jake liked her back, they were way too different.

-

He wished he could go one day without thinking about her. She was the most beautiful plague on his mind, half of him wanted a cure but the other half enjoyed the symptoms far too much.

His jacket smelled like her, his notebooks had her red pen marking throughout them, and his camera roll full of memes that he found just for her.

At first it was a feeling he was able to deny, but slowly the feelings crept up on him, slow enough that he hadn’t noticed until one day it hit him like a truck. The feeling made him sit down with his head in his hands, wondering how he could possibly develop a crush on one of his closest friends.

Charles had been saying since day one that Jake and Amy were meant for each other, and now Jake couldn’t believe he was actually right. If Jake ever told anyone, Charles would swoop in with the advice of a declaration of love like and happily ever after.

But Jake couldn’t do that, Amy didn’t like him back and how would they even work they’re such different people. He didn’t want to ruin their friendship.

Jake Peralta was head over heels for Amy Santiago and had no idea what to do about it.

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[07:03pm, Thursday]

Cameron: Looking at the assignments you have left and how much time, you’re 100% gonna get it all finished

Ferris: you think so???

Cameron: Absolutely!

Ferris: ur the best ames

Cameron: It’s nothing.. Cameron: You’re the one who did all the work

Ferris: im gonna have a nice relaxing winter break

Cameron: And then back to it in the new year

Ferris: dont remind me

Cameron: If it’s any consolation part of me is dreading going home

Ferris: what about the soup?

Cameron: The soup is great, the busy household with no privacy is less than great

Ferris: fair enough Ferris: feeling lucky im an only child Ferris: but my mom cant cook like urs

Cameron: You’ve never had my moms cooking?

Ferris: i dream of it Ferris: i dream of soup ames

Cameron: Of course, haha

-

[05:42pm, Saturday]

Ferris: what r ur saturday plans

Cameron: Dinner soon, then study, maybe a movie if I have time Cameron: Why?

Ferris: forget that mess Ferris: im getting take out and watching a movie Ferris: join me plleaasseeee

Cameron: Not that I don’t want to, but what about Charles?

Ferris: on a date with the girl from the party Ferris: im proud of him

Cameron: Good on him Cameron: Okay, I’ll finish this up and head over Cameron: Do you want me to bring the big fluffy blanket?

Ferris: dumb question Ferris: obviously bring it

-

[06:03pm, Saturday]

Cameron: Coming over now!

Ferris: see uuuuu

-

The Night Boys

[09:23pm, Saturday]

Deathblade: hows the date going?!

Sidewinder: AMAZING Sidewinder: we both go to the same restaurants around the city and she loves dogs Sidewinder: I think she might be the one

Deathblade: thats great charles!!! Deathblade: use protection!!

Sidewinder: WILL DO JAKEY

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[09:48pm, Saturday]

Pineapples: if u disagree when i say one of the hottest looks of all time is Patrick Swayze in dirty dancing then ur not my friend

Queen G: out of nowhere but an important message thank u jake

Pineapples: i only speak the truth

RoRo: swayze’s hot

Four Eyes: I never said he wasn’t hot, Jake, can you let it go!

Pineapples: not until i get vindication

Four Eyes: Get off your phone and watch the movie please

Pineapples: fine

-

Dance Squad

[09:56pm, Saturday]

Scary: yeah somethings going on

G-Hive: YES ROSA

-

[07:23pm, Monday]

*G-Hive started a video call* *Charlese joined the call* *Scary joined the call*

Gina: Heeeeeey

Charles: Hi Gina! Hey Rosa!

Rosa: What do you want?

Gina: I wanted to talk to the only two people who care about Jake and Amy-

Charles: Peraltiago, that’s their names combined-

Gina: Boyle! You’re ruining the fun of it!

Rosa: There shouldn’t be fun to speculating as to whether two of our friends are gonna bang

Gina: If that isn’t fun then what even is fun, Rosa?

Rosa: Knives

Charles: Just knives?

Rosa: Just knives

Gina: Ignoring that. Can you believe they were watching a movie together? Without us! I’m almost offended we didn’t get an invite

Charles: To be fair, I was on a date so I couldn’t have gone anyway

Gina: Don’t even talk to me about how you had a date on Saturday and I spent the whole night in my dorm alone

Rosa: Didn’t you get the DJ’s number from the party?

Gina: OH MY GOD! Rosa thank you for the reminder, texting him literally as soon as we’re done here!

Charles: What are we doing here exactly, Gina?

Gina: Great question Charles. We’re here because I’m bored and want to do anything other than more goddamn school work

Charles: Fair enough. Did you see Amy wearing his jacket last week?

Gina: He has a weird attachment to that thing and seemed perfectly fine giving it up to Amy for however long? He literally wears it everywhere!

Charles: Everywhere! And he just let Amy have it for at least 12 hours, that’s gotta mean something

Gina: I hate how much you get me Charles

Charles: Sorry

Rosa: Have you guys ever considered that they like each other?

Gina: Of course we have Rosa

Charles: Only ever since the two of them met

Rosa: I’m going to indulge you for a minute, and then I am leaving this conversation. Stop gasping for god sake.

Charles: Sorry

Rosa: The two of them clearly like each other, they’re both stubborn and competitive and weird. One day they’re gonna talk and figure it out, and its not up to us to interfere with whatever weird flirting friendship thing they have going on.

Charles: I might start crying

Gina: I hate to say it but me too

Rosa: Great, now I’m going. Bye.

*Scary left the video call*

Gina: Now that she’s gone, I gotta tell you what Sasha in my analytics class said today!

Charles: Dish!

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[04:05pm, Wednesday]

Cameron: You’ve been out of class for five minutes and still not given me an update regarding the assignments? Cameron: Keeping me on the edge of my seat here haha

Ferris: well ames… Ferris: idk how to break it to you

Cameron: What happened?

Ferris: I GOT A 70% Ferris: I HANDED EVERYTHING IN AND I PASSED Ferris: this semester at least

Cameron: JAKE THAT’S AMAZING Cameron: I knew you could do it!

Ferris: i wouldnt have been able to if it wasnt for u

Cameron: That’s not entirely true, you were the one who did all the work

Ferris: but u helped and encouraged me Ferris: so im thanking you Ferris: just accept it

Cameron: Fine… you’re welcome

Ferris: ur gonna hate the next bit tho Ferris: im sure u remember our stakes

Cameron: Oh no…

Ferris: if not ill refresh ur memory Ferris: amy santiago Ferris: will u go to terrys new years party with me AND match me drink for drink

Cameron: Yes, Jake Peralta, I will go to Terry’s new years party with you and match you drink for drink

Ferris: SHE SAID YES LADIES AND GENTS

Cameron: Hahaha Cameron: Tread lightly, I have a number of nieces and nephews who will gladly get me sick right before the big event if you’re not careful

Ferris: ames how DARE you threaten to betray me Ferris: and after all the work ive done

Cameron: Hahahaha

-

Jimmy Jabbers

[04:15pm, Wednesday]

Pineapples: good afternoon everyone! Pineapples: whos planning on going to terrys nye party??

Queen G: im absolutely there

Mr Grapes: it’s still a week and a half away but yeah I’ll probably be there

RoRo: idk RoRo: if I’m not doing anything else

Pineapples: @Four Eyes and ur answer?

Four Eyes: …yes I’ll be there…

Pineapples: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Pineapples: whats that sound? its the sound of victory

Four Eyes: Whatever you say, pineapples

Mr Grapes: hahaha pineapples is still funny

Queen G: cool it mr grapes

Mr Grapes: aw..

-

[03:30pm, Friday]

Four Eyes: I’m heading home for the next two weeks now. I hope you all have a great holidays!

Mr Grapes: you too amy!

-

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[03:31pm, Friday]

Ferris: wait im not gonna get to say goodbye to u?

Cameron: Sorry, I thought I’d have a chance but I ran out of time

Ferris: thats okay Ferris: have a good holiday ames :)

Cameron: You too, Jake :)

Chap 1 | Chap 2 | Chap 3 | Chap 4 | Chap 5 | Chap 6 | Chap 7 | Chap 8 | Chap 9 | Chap 10

authors note: And so we end it just as the holidays begin! I loved writing the dynamic between Gina, Charles, and Rosa this chapter; especially Gina and Charles! idk why but I just have this feeling that Charles and Gina would love gossiping together, and being the two really openly rooting for Amy and Jake I feel like would cause them to be a little bit closer in that way.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I'll try to have the next one out as soon as I can!! Thanks for reading <3

[dcbutinamrev]

Tag Yourself: The Helpless Trilogy Edition

~Was inspired by @the-reynolds-pamphlet to make this due to their tag yourself oc edition so I thought why not try it with the Helpless Trilogy characters? The main characters, at least~

Alexander Hamilton:

-bi/poly (??? I mean, he adores Eliza but he's in a current relationship with Laurens and lives him dearly but also loves Andre?)

-your average angsty teenager

-an introvert

-workaholic

-lives on coffee

-three to four hours asleep per night

-smol

-complicated relationship

-loves his brother dearly

-may look small and fragile but can actually kick ass

-cranky in the mornings

-heavy trust issues

-Complete summary of: "This is how I enter my house: WUSSAP FUCKERS!"

"Just because I'm small or just simply delicate doesn't mean I can't kick ass"

John Laurens:

-gay

-military man

-tries his best to protect his dear boy at all costs

-rough childhood/daddy issues

-terrified of Lafayette, Hamilton's older foster brother

-always tries to do everything right

-typical prince charming high school student

-tall af

-easily paranoid

-complete summary of: Hey, how you doin' well I'm doing just fine I lied I'm dying inside-

"I have one hell of a boyfriend."

Gilbert Marquis de Lafayette:

-your typical older brother

-loves his little lion dearly, would do anything for his little brother

-very much an extrovert

-kind and sweet

-would be your bff any day

-your average Frenchman

-adores Mulligan but also his fellow college classmate back in France, Adrianne

-overprotective af

-respects George

-actually sleeps unlike Hamilton

-Complete summary of that one vine where the guy is dancing on the couch and the coffee table slips underneth him

"That's my little brother!"

George Washington:

-your typical Dad

-protective of his family

-loves his wife, Martha

-would do anything for his boys

-trust issues

-also a workaholic

-worries over everything

-complete summary of: "ALRIGHT THAT'S YOUR IN TIME OUT! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE!"

"Home by midnight!"

Martha Washington:

-your average Mom

-beautiful

-kind, sweet, the perfect friend to a have a shoulder to cry on

-would support you no matter what

-loves her three boys dearly

-devoted to her husband

-very much like Mrs. Hudson in Sherlock Holmes (BBC)

-complete summary of: "To heck with diabeties, I'm having choclate cake...and drinking beer...and having choclate cake- "

“Of course, dear.”

Eliza Schuyler:

-the best friend everyone could ask for

-shy sometimes but mostly outgoing

-a dog lover

-dedicated to her school work and other work she may have

-loyal to her friends

-trusting, kind, and sweet of course.

-actually sleeps a full 8 hours

-would be the type of person who has created a full morning and night routine

-a morning person

-the Mom friend

-has Monica's personality and character

-complete summary of: "I will always want you- YOU! *flips on sunglasses and starts vibin'*

“Boys…”

Angelica Schuyler:

-big sister/friend vibes

-sassy sometimes

-protective of her friends.

-partier

-the rebel sister

-good grades and responsible

-complete summary of: "You spilled lipstick in my valentio white bag?!?!"

"Oh. My. God."

Peggy Schuyler:

-sassy

-a jokester

-definetly has Phoebe's personality in Friends

-also a partier and a rebel

-prefers mall shopping, tiktoks, youtube, instagram, tumblr instead of school

-complete summary of: "And they were roomates! Oh my god they were roomates- "

"So who was top and who was bottom?"

Richard Kidder Meade:

-chaotic

-annoys his friends

-binges on Friends

-doesn't have his life together

-prefers gaming on his switch instead of school

-loves his friends dearly though

-hilarious

-the jokster of the friend group

-Definetely Chandler's personality

-complete summary of: "SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! EVERYBODY!"

"I'm Chandler could I be wearing any more clothes?!"

Tench Tilghman:

-actually has his life together

-good grades

-your typical normal high school student

-prefers binging on youtube and hanging out with his friends

-would love to be your bff

-sweet and outgoing, a little bit of both an extrovert/introvert

-complete summary of: "Zaaaam! You got a bae, or nah?! You got a bae, or nah!"

-Definetly either Joey or Ross personality

"You must be lucky to have Laurens as your roomate, Hamilton. At least you don't have to deal with Meade acting as Chandler Bing for 24/7--"

Robert Hanson Harrison:

-the dad friend

- complete summary of "I don't get no sleep cause of yall! Yall never gonna sleep cause of ME!"

-prefers books and writing short stories than school

-introvert

-even though they're annoying sometimes, he still loves his friends

-not much a partier but would go to school dances or stuff like that

-would support you and his friends always

-dedicted to his education and career in the future

-loyal to his friends

-looks after you

-Ross vibes

"Children. I'm friends with absolute children."

Benjmain Tallmadge:

-a normal teenager

-football star

-Definetly Joey vibes

-also tall af, could be mistaken as Laurens's identical twin

-loves his friends dearly

-supportive

-big brother of the friend group

-complete summary of: "I WON'T HESITATE BITCH- "

"Have some leomanade~"

John Andre:

-bad boy

-typical villan

-would be the type of person who would punch you in the face if you talk to them before their first cup of coffee

-jealous af

-manipulative

-in love with Hamilton or rather crush

-is basically like Simcoe from Turn

-deciteful

-the type of character that everyone including readers would want dead

-a lot like Jim Moriarty in Sherlock Holmes (BBC)

-plays the flute and used to be artistic

-complete summary of: "Hi, thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garbage!"

"Hello Laurens, did ya miss me?"

[mayakern]

ok here is my alternative, non-hourly method of calculating commission prices.

transcript below the cut! original tweet here

ok interest has been expressed, so i will go over my alternative, non-hourly method of calculating commission prices!  this is not perfect and it is not a good method for everyone, but i feel it reframes the problem in a useful way.

first, you need to look over your finances and figure out how much money you NEED to make per month (your base expenses + 30% for taxes) and then how much you WANT to make per month (so your necessities + breathing room for savings, surprise expenses, fun stuff, etc.)

a lot of people do not have the luxury of making more than their bare minimum, but it's still an important consideration to make! from this number, multiply it by 12 to get a yearly income (and remember that taxes will come out of this number AFTER the fact)

from there, you need to decide how much of this money you want to come from commission work specifically (not just art). for the rest of the thread i am going to assume that you, the creator, want to make 100% of your money from commission work. this is not true for most ppl.

first, i suggest taking a base commission price and dividing your desired monthly by that amount. so, if you want to make $3000/mo ($36k per year before taxes), divide that by your current idea of a commission number. let's say $50 per piece. that's 60 pieces per month.

that's roughly 2 pieces per day, sometimes more. IMO this is unsustainable. is it doable? yes, depending on your art. will you burn out doing it? probably. so then the question is: how many pieces can i COMFORTABLY and SUSTAINABLY finish per month?

maybe you can finish 2 pieces per week. that's about 8 pieces per month. if you divide your desired income (3000/mo) by 8, that is $375 per piece. so suddenly you see what you actually need to charge to be where you want financially.

THIS METHOD DOES MAKE A LOT OF ASSUMPTIONS: 1. that you want to make all this money from commission work specifically 2. that the client interest is there 3. that your pieces typically take roughly equal amounts of time

it is not a perfect method, but it is a good way to reframe this problem. charging an hourly rate IS good and CAN work, but it fails to take into account all the parts of commission work that aren't spent directly on the art, because how can you calculate that?

this way focuses specifically on a quality of life (or at least a quality of life that is represented by a desired monthly income) and lets you see what you need to charge in order to have your desired monetary outcome.

it also removes the temptation to compare your hourly rate to physical goods. for instance, if you are thinking about charging $60/hour, then suddenly it's like "well someone could buy an hour of my time... or a nintendo switch game" this is a thought trap!! it is bad!

you CANNOT compare the price of custom, one of a kind work to something mass produced. that is like looking at an artist's shop, seeing they charge $10 for a single print, and going "oh so custom work is also $10 a piece then." it's very much not the same thing!

sure, the consumer pays $60 for the game... but the people who did the custom work for the game (art, story, programming, modeling, etc.) made way more than $60 from their hard work. you CANNOT compare custom, unique work to premade goods that are one of multiple.

another note: this method requires you to include an average calculated cost for your tools in your necessary monthly. it works best for digital art (where tool cost is usually 1 in done or a steady monthly), but you can do it for traditional media as well with some extra math!

again! this method is not a good match for everyone and it is not infallible. what it DOES do is reframe this issue in more tangible terms.

most people who are paid hourly are working undervalued service jobs under $15/hour. IN GENERAL once you hit a certain hourly threshold, companies will put you on salary (bc it's cheaper), so looking at a $60/hour rate can SEEM absurdly high and like you are overvaluing yourself.

charging hourly is versatile but it  inspires you to compete not just with others but with your own idea of your perceived value. usually charging hourly is meant to encourage people with prices in the $10-30 range to value their time more but it doesn't scale well after that.

charging hourly is useful and may be a more accurate representation of what your audience is willing to pay, esp if you're not an established artist. the purpose of this method is too look at your actual desired monetary quality of life & figure out how to get there sustainably.

also -- i find this method is more versatile/useful to people living outside the US because it asks what you PERSONALLY need/want and helps you calculate what you need to charge to get there, instead of assuming you want to make an "average" american monthly rate.

[fact-dogsarehappiness]

Because the arrowverse is run by a bunch of cowards who thought it would be fun to repeatedly punch Oliver Queen for like two decades, I’ve decided to introduce y’all to secret good arrowverse characters

First is Dick Grayson because I am a dumb slut and he’s my soulmate if he were a real person I would be dating him so hard you don’t even understand. Anyway, In the arrowverse, he gets taken in by Bruce when he’s 8 and becomes Robin two years later. Because Gotham was kinda meh about the whole Batman being real thing, it was very easy to keep Robin out of the press so most people didn’t know Robin even existed. When he was 16, he decided to become Nightwing (of course he has the fingerstripes what do you take me for), which B wasn’t too happy about because it put him in unnecessary danger, but Dick is too strong willed (read: hard headed) to listen to Bruce. Dick ends up going to college in Büldhaven after Jason dies because he just needed to get away. He’s continued being Nightwing, but he mostly does social work around the city. He runs a few shelters for at risk youth (one of them named after Jason) and volunteers often. He likes to make bad puns for two reasons: 1) he wants to make people smile, 2) he genuinely thinks they’re funny. Dick is a phenomenal hacker and an incredible acrobat. Dick typically wears ill-fitting jeans and some kind of dad-style button up shirt. English is not his first, second, or even third language (perks of growing up in a European circus). He is Romani and Romanian Orthodox, like his mom. He’s dating Wally West but no one knows except them because Wally’s always doing soul quest shit and Dick doesn’t think it’s anyone’s business

As if I wasn’t going to bring up Zatanna. I’m in love with her. Zatanna was always familiar with magic because of her father,Giovanni “John” Zatara, being a master of the art, but he didn’t want her involved with it so she was kept a safe distance from magic. However, you can’t keep someone as strong-willed as Zatanna away from something that interests her, so she decided to start studying magic behind her father’s back. When John realized that he couldn’t keep Zatanna away from magic, he started trining her himself. One day, Constantine called them in to assist on a case. After some unfortunate events, John Zatara ended up becoming Dr. Fate, leaving Zatanna on her own. Zatanna continued studying magic trying to find a way to separate her father from Dr. Fate, but nothing she found could help her. She primarily works freelance, but she will occasionally team up with other magic users. On a mission with Constantine, he told her about his work with the Legends, which convinced Zatanna to transition her freelance work into being more focused on helping people. The speed with which she is able to figure out backwards words is astounding to everyone who’s ever worked with her

Next is the queen that is Chloe Sullivan. Did she exist before Smallville? No. Is it still cowardice to only give her a tiny text message cameo in Supergirl thus implying she’s out there but never actually introducing me to her? YUP. Chloe’s known Clark since middle school. They met because she was doing school girl Nancy Drew investigation after hours and he was just out for a walk and somehow got pulled under a dumpster. She’s been known to do odd things in the name of journalism. Once, Clark walked into the newsroom at Smallville High and was greeted by a room of people doing handstands because Chloe needed to find out the average amount of time someone can hold a handstand is (“Don’t worry, Clark, I’m paying them for their services…except for Jake over there, I’m just mad at him”). On more than once occasion, Clark has had to hold her hips while she hangs off a building to get photographic evidence. She travels the world looking to expose as much corruption as possible. She’s gotten into a lot of trouble, but someone throwing you off a building doesn’t hold too much weight when your best friend is faster than a speeding bullet and can hear you call him from the other side of the planet. Chloe wears a battered up leather jacket that she’s had since high school every single time she leaves the house. She also has a full ear of piercings because she thought most people wouldn’t look at her and think “investigative journalist” upon seeing her. In addition to journalism, she pursues hacktivism, nothing that would put normal people in danger, but it would make rich and corrupt people more than squirm

Now we will discuss the life of my son (1/3), Connor Kent. I cannot believe that the Superman & Lois show runners went “We’re gonna give Clark a second son and his name’s gonna be Jordan………..I’m sorry, who’s Connor…why are you calling him a Kent” as if Connor isn’t my favorite super. Connor had a bit of a rough start with the whole being raised as a Luthor and being Lex’s clone thing (he was actually called Alexander at first). When his kryptonian DNA started showing, Connor started to look into the other half of his heritage, which led him to discovering just how bad Lex actually was. Choosing to embrace his kyrptonian side, he reaches out to Chloe to offer help with taking down Lex. After helping Chloe of expose Lex’s corruption, Connor went underground, including changing his from Alexander to Connor. He got the name Connor from reading the LuthorCorp files on him, where he’s referred to as “the Cognitional Neuroplastic Replicant” or “CNR” and he decided to just add a few vowels. He told Chloe that he needed to figure out who he was, and she gifted him her leather jacket when they parted ways. He reached out to Lena before any of the Supers because he was worried about how Clark would react to meeting his clone. Lena introduced him to Kara and the Super Friends and he started doing work with them. It turned out that he had nothing to fear about meeting Clark because Clark immediately adopted him and offered him a room at the farm and a kryptonian name (Kon-el), which he gladly accepted. He personalized the jacket by adding the giant red S on the back of it and a bisexual pride flag to one of the sleeves. The people of Smallville think Clark had him when he was 16 and he doesn’t try to change their minds because he thrives off drama

Time for my son (2/3) Damian Wayne who deserves the best okay. Damian was raised by Talia on the run from the LOA, as such, he speaks many languages and is a little murder bean. Eventually, he meets Jason because of his aunt Nyssa and they develop a brotherly bond. Jason brings Dami to the rest of the batfam and he soon becomes Robin. Jason and Damian watched “Food, Inc” in a hotel room one time, and Damian has refused to eat meat ever since. He might be fully human, but he does one hundred percent have a super power, and that power is puppy eyes. The kid can get anyone to do whatever he wants using his gosh darn puppy eyes and he knows full well the fam is wrapped around his finger. This is how he ends up adopting two dogs, three cats, a cow, a turkey, and a demon bat. Damian becomes Robin when he realizes that the entire family uses their training to better the city so maybe he should try it out too. Dick convinced him to try extracurricular activities that had nothing to do with the stuff in their basement, so he joined the art club at school, which no one saw coming. He gives people sketches of them for birthdays. Damian values his family above all else. Jason taught him the value of a chosen family and he decided he would do anything to protect his

We talking about Barbara Gordon now babey. Barbara’s first night out as Batgirl happened when she was 15. No one asked her to, but she’s more stubborn than Bruce so no one was able to stop her either. She was Batgirl until she was 21, which is when the Joker broke out of Arkham and paralyzed her (this is what leads arrowverse!Bruce to kill the Joker and like good for them). After this, she shifted into her work as Oracle. Her friends tried to convince her to take a step back after the incident, but against, stubborn. As Oracle, she does freelance tech support for different hero groups. (By “groups” I mean that whoever the resident tech person is calls her when they’ve hit a wall because they all know each other from tumblr.) Babs is a librarian when she’s not hacking into government servers. She likes the quiet. She helped hook Jason up with a job in the same library district but their libraries are on opposite sides because Barbara thought it would be good to give them as much reach across the area as possible (“There are more ways to help people than just punching bad guys, Jason”)

Another one of the queens that could stomp on me, let’s talk about Diana Prince. And by association, Donna Troy and Cassie Sandsmark. This is important to me, but it’s one’s gonna be short because there’s not much to get into here. Diana is seeing Helen of Troy. Donna and Cassie are their daughters. When Helena tells Diana about the Legends and what they did for her, Diana decides to try her hand at being a hero as well and becomes Wonder Woman. Eventually, Donna decides to join her and Cassie follows soon after. Diana works at a museum for shits and giggles

The final installment of this joke, my son (3/3) Tim Drake. Tim started living with Bruce when he was 8 (which was during the time Jason was Robin) because the Drake’s were bad parents. When they would go on business trips, Tim would be left alone for weeks at a time, which is not good for a literal child to be going through. An incident at Drake Manor cause the authorities to become aware of Tim’s situation and his parents were convicted of criminal neglect. Because Bruce already knew Tim, he offered to take him in. After Bruce disappears (when Tim’s 11), Tim and Alfred move to England. Tim goes back to Gotham when he’s 17. Tim was never Robin, but instead taught himself how to use computers. Using the pseudonym RedRobin as a hacker, Tim offers help to anyone who might need it, the same way Barbara does as Oracle. Tim also participates in hacktivism. He meets Chloe when they’re both gathering information on the same person. Through Chloe, Tim meets Connor and they quickly become inseparable. Tim does eventually start going out into the field as Red Robin alongside his family, but he prefers to be at the computer when possible

Can we talk about Tess Mercer? I wanna talk about Tess Mercer. Look, I know that Tess and Lena are supposed to be the same person, but what if they weren’t? What if Tess was Mercy, hear me out. Tess began working for LuthorCorp after she finished getting a masters in business and was very quickly promoted to Lex’s right hand when people started to realize just how good she is at her job. Mercy was a nickname she was dubbed ironically for being merciless. There was nothing LuthorCorp was doing that Tess didn’t know about, including Cadmus’s experiments in DNA replication. Tess was placed in charge of Connor’s education/training when he was young. Eventually, Tess started seeing Connor as a child and not a project and she decided she didn’t want him growing up in a glorifies cell anymore. She was the one who told Connor about his full family tree and she left clues to help him find Chloe. When Chloe’s information on Lex went public and he was brought to court, Tess was a surprise witness against Lex. She helped the prosecution compile hard evidence. When Lena took over the company and changed it to L Corp, Tess helped the company transition by ensuring employees had benefits and security. Eventually, she left L Corp to pursue opportunities elsewhere, but Lena still has her number and they meet up for coffee once a month. Tess might not fight crime, but she does take out corruption within the companies she works for because she’ll be damned if she gets dragged down fo something she didn’t do

The man, the myth, the (urban) legend, it’s Jason Todd! Jason started living with Bruce when he was 11. He got unalived by the Joker when he was 14 and he was actually kind of, sort of dead for a year before the LOA brought him back. Ra’s brought him back to train him as a weapon against Bruce because he was mad about the whole Bruce being the father of his grandson thing. Nyssa was assigned to train him, and so they have a very aunt-nephew relationship. When Nyssa left the League, she took Jason with her. She contacted Sara to help Jason learn how to control the Lazarus Pit Roid Rage. His time with Sara helped him to resolve the issues he had with Bruce, and he let go of a lot of his anger. Eventually, they met up with Talia and Damian, but that’s for another time. When he gets back to Gotham, he does operate as Red Hood, but it’s more to scare crime lords than to taunt Bruce. He’s working to fight off the gangs in Crime Alley, where he grew up, so other kids can have a chance at a better childhood than he had. He revealed his identity to his family immediately because he missed them, but he doesn’t officially become legally alive again until a few years later. Before being legally alive, he volunteered at shelters and community centers in Crime Alley. After being able to legally apply for a job, he becomes a librarian at a local library where he allows anyone a haven when they need it. When not crime lording, fighting crime, or studying library sciences, Jason spends his time cooking and reading. He helps Alfred with the food for family dinners. The other batboys like to use his copies of books for assigned readings because he has the best notes. He is more than aware of these facts and uses them to his advantage

[anne---dromeda]

march productivity challenge update :)

been busy with school, so here I am catching up on the questions for march 4-14

march 4:  what's your usual cafe order? is it always the same or do you try new things?

my go-to order got updated a few months ago! it used to be london fogs, but now I get a vanilla rooibos chai latte from my favourite local cafe. sometimes I’ll switch it up with different kinds of tea ☕

march 5:  what are your favourite shows? Is there anything specific you like about them?

I recently watched Derry Girls on netflix and it’s so funny! it’s about high school girls in Ireland in the 80s and it’s so fun to watch them be typical girls getting into trouble and causing a ruckus- highly recommend

march 6:  do you have a favourite movie in particular or do you like them by genre? what's your favourite movie and/or genre?

not sure about a favourite genre, but my top 3 movies of all time are Tangled, Ratatouille and the Princess Bride. I guess stories about love and family and creating your own adventure are my favourite

march 7:  do you read fanfics? what's your favourite trope? which fandom do you read most for?

not in years. I can’t even remember most of what I read

march 8:  if someone saw you across the street what do you think their passing thoughts be?

“wow that’s a cute sweater! I bet her earrings match”

march 9:  do you know how to cook? what's your favourite thing to make? on that note, what's your favourite thing to eat?

I’m a great cook but I hate cooking lmao. my favourite thing to make is desserts to share with my friends and I love eating soups and stews! anything in a bowl!

march 10: do you believe in the supernatural? have you had any spooky experiences?

I think it’s fun to believe in that sort of thing, I enjoyed watching buzzfeed unsolved supernatural, but I’ve never had any experiences and I don’t think I’d go looking for one

march 11:  have you been sleeping well lately? what has been your average sleep hours for the last few days?

of course not 😴 I try to go to bed around 11:30 but it usually ends up being around 12:30 :( I get about 6.5-7 hours of sleep on average though

march 12:  did you have an imaginary friend in your childhood? what were they like?

does you and a friend pretending that a friendly shark lived in the sewers by your house count?

march 13:  what's your favourite seasoning on food? are you picky about seasonings?

not usually and I’m pretty bad at guessing what spices are in food

march 14:  what's an act of a kind stranger that's been with you?

one time I left a high school textbook at my bus stop, and a student who had already graduated recognized it and dropped it off at the school for me

march 15:  how do you deal with academic/work stress? do you have a coping system/mechanism?

mostly by reading. escapism is a very powerful tool for me. I also like to go for walks, listen to music, talking to my friends, and remembering that I’ve gotten through stress before, I can do it again

hopefully I’m back on track to finish this challenge for the rest of the month!

[griff-us]

Title: Being So Normal Part: One Pairing: Black!Reader/Bucky Barnes Summary: Neither of them are very good at being normal. Good thing the spectrum of normalcy these days is anything but the definition of the word. In other words: two broken people mend together. Warnings: typical canon level violence, mentions of past abuse both physical and emotional, alcohol abuse and mentions of, drug abuse and mentions of.

Chapter Theme: Being So Normal, Peach Pit

Notes: Just a little self-indulgent series that's been sitting in the back of my brain that I have finally decided to work on after kinda scraping the previous one.

Sort of a Neighbors's AU mixed with a Coffee Shop Au. Lots of character introspection for the reader, and Bucky, and some fun and drama along the way. This will no doubt be a slow slow burn.

Hope yall enjoy and feel free to leave any comments or hit me with questions! Oh, mood board slapped together by me! Also, no Beta. Tbh I'm lazy and impatient so excuse any mistakes.

Saturday: 11:30pm

Sam was the one who convinced him to come---or maybe forced would be the better word. Life has been returning to somewhat normal for the two of them; Sam shouldering his mantle as Captain America, and James slowly easing into his role as Sergeant Barnes rather than The Winter Soldier. But, it’s not all easy, at least not for James. Normalcy is not his strong suit, not when the urgency of survival had been drilled into his skull for the past hundred years or so. Sure, he was comfortable, but not necessarily happy. James is lost, and no one can tell that more than Sam.

And that is how he’s found himself in this crowded club with flashing lights and a bass beat that he can feel in the pit of his stomach. It’s not that the environment is too much---it’s just that he feels so...odd out. After all, Jame’s idea of a night out used to be something more akin to a jazz bar and dancing. Not whatever gyrations and wiggling around the kids called dancing was these days.

God, he really is old.

“You gotta loosen up man, you’re killing my vibe.” Sam, as if on cue, shoulders into him. James scowls, making sure to keep a tight grip on his beer---if you could even call it that. The brewery it was from managed to pack so many damn spices and fruit in it that it tasted more like a cocktail than any beer he’s come to like.

“You’ve got a weird vibe then, Sam.” the other man laughs, elbows resting against the bar top behind them while he scopes out the scene. It’s a typical New York club; fashion being the forefront of it all, the entire reason anyone is out right now is to be seen and admired. Among other things.

“That cutie over there keeps tossing you looks, you should go say hi.” James follows Sam’s gaze across the bar. A gaggle of young women crowds around a booth, all of them eyeing them and whispering to one another. He rolls his eyes and takes a long swig of his beer.

“I think you mean they’re looking at you, Sam.” The super soldier turns back toward the bar to push his empty glass to the bartender who only nods his way and produces a refill without another word.

“Eyes up, Sergeant, they’re coming over.”

James doesn’t pay any mind to the coming onslaught; it’s always the same really. Sam is descended on by a group of gals excited to meet the new Captain America and even more enthralled when they realize he’s pretty damn charming. Not that he’s jealous in any way. Annoyed? Sure. See, he just isn’t one for new people---especially the kind that Sam tends to attract sometimes. The airheads, the young ones just waiting to hook up and never talk again. He just can’t vibe with it, can’t grasp it. Maybe he is too old for this modern age of love and romance.

James just turns his attention to the muted TV over the bar, his back facing the chatty group of women behind him while they flock to Sam like vultures starving for a meal. The news flashes between stories from all over; follow-ups on the last of the Flag Smashers, some weird disturbances in a tiny town somewhere far off, and a local story on a stray cat that is just “too cute to not have a home.” He snorts, lips smacking from the twang of his beer.

“Sorry about them.” The tiny voice from his left nearly makes him jump, and James can only blame the blaring music for his lack of attention.

“Huh?” He peers down to see an average height woman; with big brown eyes and skin a deep tan and sunkissed. By all accounts, she is stunning---and looks nearly as out of place in this massive club as he does.

“My friends---” her head jerks towards the group of women still fawning over Sam, who no doubt is loving all of the attention. “I tried to explain to them that you guys are just normal people too," she thinks they're normal? "but the alcohol made them all braver than they normally are.” The woman rolls her eyes but by the soft smile she wears he can tell she means no malice.

“And what about you?” James leans his full weight on the bar top now all the while inching closer to the woman. He can read the confusion on her face. “Are you feeling braver than normal?” she flushes at his clarification, and an easy shrug rolls from the shoulder.

“I’m just the mom friend trying to make sure my friends don’t end up dead, in jail, or worse.” James can’t help but laugh at that.

“A mom friend, huh?” gloved fingers pluck the pint glass from the bar and neither of them breaks eye contact while he swallows nearly half the glass.

“Yeah, kind of how I’ve always been; just an eighty-year-old woman at heart I guess.” James gives her a crooked grin: he could understand that.

“You’re too young to talk like that.” he elbows her gently, suddenly so comfortable with her presence that he can feel himself loosening up a bit.

“Then what’s your excuse?”

Brows cock high, that twisted little grin never once wavering from his face. He likes her---the idle and quiet wit, the way she matches his quips with equal stride.

“What’s your---” but before he can finish the group of girls are flagging her down, yanking her arm in one direction while they all gossip about how someone managed to snag Captain America’s number. James watches while she shoots him an apologetic smile while she is all but dragged back to their booth across the dance floor. Before he knows it, her face is lost in a sea of people.

“You would pick up the prettiest one.” Sam’s voice yanks James from his thoughts, and he looks up with narrowed eyes. “Don’t think I didn’t see that little flirt session. You get her number?”

“I’m going home.” James slaps a crisp bill on the bar top and Sam laughs, all loud and boisterous.

“You didn’t even get her name, did you, man?”

“Good night, Sam!” with hands shoved deep in his pockets, James turns heels and heads home.

Sunday: 8:am

The mornings were his favorite time to jog. Consider it a coping mechanism---not that he necessarily needed to go for mile-long runs or work out, what with the serum, but it was the only time his mind was truly quiet. So, James kept to a strict schedule of an hour or so run every morning followed up by a tall dark roast. Only today, he is late by nearly an hour to get to his usual coffee spot; which wouldn’t be terrible but James lives for routines. Without one, his entire day is skewed.

It’s eight in the morning when he strolls into the coffee shop, a tiny little place sat precariously on the corner of two streets only a couple blocks from his apartment. Clad in joggers and a simple black t-shirt, he strides up to the counter; eyes glued to the menu board for any new sweets that may catch his eye.

“Well hi again.” brows grow taught at their center---he knows that voice. James looks down to see the same woman from the night before. Black hair is piled high on her head and rather than the slim little dress from the night before she sports simple leggings and a graphic shirt of which the reference he is utterly lost on.

“Oh. Hi...uh....” blue eyes look for a name tag, and he finds none. Damn it.

“Y/N” she smiles wide at him, much like she had in the club only this time, with better lighting, he can make out the dimples that crease each of her cheeks.

“Y/N.” he repeats her name back slowly. “Uh, nice to meet you, or see you again. I guess.” he points to himself, “I’m Bucky.” said so lamely, so simply, he really can’t blame her for laughing at him.

“I know. What can I get for you, James?”

James.

That throws him; tosses him so off-kilter the man can hardly remember his order. Sure a couple people call him James, well really only his mother and his therapist when he’s in deep shit but…. To hear a name nearly forgotten to himself, and from her? Well, it turns his brain to static.

“Just a large black coffee and one of those brownies please.” She nods and starts to prep his order, all the while he stands there like an idiot with a ten-dollar bill in his hand and his heart in his throat. Finally, he finds a safe landing back on earth.

“How was the rest of your night with your friends?” Y/N groans while she pours him a fresh cup of coffee.

“Catty. I finally got the last one home around three in the morning. Got home just in time for a nap before I came in here.”

“That sounds---awful.” James trades her the coffee for the ten, and watches while she works the register.

“Wasn’t so bad. I don’t sleep much these days anyway.” Y/N offers the change back to James but only nods his head toward the tip jar.

“Sounds like you earned it. Did you just start working here?" he's never seen her working here before, and per his routine, James is here around this time at least five times a week.

"Covering for a friend, I usually work the closing shift if I'm not teaching." Teaching? James would assume she'd be on the younger side to teach.

"I'll have to come more often around that time then." he watches while round cheeks twitch, and flush.

“Deal. I’ll uh...see you around, James?”

“Y-yeah. See you around, Y/N”

[songofsaraneth]

Ok now that I have time/space to breathe again, I wanted to do a writeup on the unusual reaction I had to the second Covid vaccine dose. I debated posting this, because I don't want to go against the "I was vaccinated and it's fine!" encouragement train. And I 1000% encourage EVERYONE to get vaccinated if possible. But I have not seen much documentation of the averse symptom I got, except in some case studies I specifically looked up so details below. Big TMI/gross warning however. 

Mostly I'm posting this because I had to do SO much self-advocating/arguing with the Dr at my urgent care clinic, and if you're not as read up on weird medical issues as I am, you might not be comfortable doing that. But IANAD, just describing my experience and what I read, which ended up being very long because it was awful and I have a lot to complain about I guess, sorry.

Basically: for me the vaccine triggered an inflammation response, which in itself is normal. The usual muscle aches/joint pain/slight fever. It also triggered an outbreak of ulcers in my soft tissues. Basically, a bunch of canker sores in my mouth/throat. I am already prone to getting these when I get sick or stressed out, so no biggie, annoying and painful but I could handle them. Canker sores are distinct from cold sores in that they form inside the mouth as crater spots, usually around the size of a pencil eraser (though can be bigger or smaller), and will develop a white film across the crater as they develop and start to heal.

An unfortunate fact I have learned: the mouth is not the only exposed “soft tissue” of the body. this group also includes genitals.

So 2 days after the vaccine I noticed a "burning sensation"/rawness downstairs, which turned into a sharp pain, especially when going to the bathroom. I obviously knew this was abnormal and because of what was happening in my mouth, had a pretty firm idea of what was happening, but was ready to brace myself through the healing process. However by day 5 I had 8 red, crater-like sores on the tissue of my vulva. Essentially they are open wounds, and urine is an acid, so you can imagine the hell that using the bathroom had become. Even just sitting hurt.

As someone healthcare-averse, even I knew this was untenable, and went to Urgent Care for the first time in my adult life. I told the NP what was going on, how they matched the canker sores (NOT cold sores) in my mouth in onset/form--and she immediately, without even looking, diagnosed me with herpes.

Lots of people have herpes or other STIs, and that's fine. I know I do not have any, and wanted to pursue treatment for what I was sure they were--Non-sexually acquired genital ulceration (NSGU). I had even found three case studies of COVID patients who had developed them. I had spent several harrowing hours on google images making sure that the sores I had did not match any STI I may have magically acquired during a year of social distancing. I even brought up multiple case studies, including a woman who had them as a Covid reaction in a neighboring state. Didn’t matter. She looked at them and went “Yikes! Herpes!” and prescribed me: 

1) an antiviral, which I said I did not think would do anything because the trigger for this was a vaccine not an illness. She said it was probably a herpes flare up already in my system. I reiterated that I have had similar sores in my mouth since childhood and that all my past doctors and dentists agreed it was not viral but something related to an immune response. She said the antivirals should clear them up in a few days.

2) a topical 5% lidocaine ointment, aka an oral grade numbing gel, which was essentially what I was after anyway.

I would have preferred a steroid course to the antiviral, but agreed to start taking them until she got the results of the bloodwork I needed to come in the next day for. I asked how many days after taking them I would expect to see a difference/if she would reevaluate treatment if they didn’t have an effect in a certain amount of time, and she said if they hadn’t cleared up by Monday then she’d look into other causes (spoiler, they did nothing in that 4 day span). to her credit, when she saw me pick up my bike helmet (because my car had been at the mechanic for a month by then), she was properly horrified that i was having to bike everywhere with this situation and printed off some coupons/called all the prescriptions into the grocery store pharmacy next door instead of the CVS my insurance likes a mile away.

So eventually I got home and took my pill & went to put on the ointment so I could use the bathroom for the first time in 8 hours. I’ll spare you the details but suffice to say I had an extremely, overwhelmingly painful 10 minutes of application. Like absolutely awful burning feeling. However once that faded, I was indeed actually numb, and so I figured it was worth it. Got my bloodwork done on Friday (biking there & home again). On Saturday, I thought that you know, maybe a prescription anesthetic shouldn’t be doing that or at least have some sort of warning? And read the details on the jar.

Good things about lidocaine: it is a powerful numbing agent and lasts pretty well for an hour or two.

Bad things about lidocaine: you cannot get oral grade lidocaine without added mint flavoring.

I happen to be EXTREMELY sensitive to mint. Like I still can’t handle breath mints or mouthwash, and used bubblegum flavored toothpaste until I was 14 and found a brand with half as much mint flavoring as is typical. Even if you’re not, mint has no business being anywhere near genital tissue. Even on an average person that could cause awful burning. to make a long saga shorter I had a very frustrating back-and-forth with urgent care involving many rerouted phone trees, visit in person, unhelpful receptionists, and attempts to find over-the-counter alternatives. All were fruitless so I just  suffered all weekend until the urgent care Nurse Practitioner called me back on Monday and was suitably apologetic/outraged about the mint thing, and looked up every OTC product that might work as a substitute, since she couldn’t find any prescription level without mint. On Tuesday she called back again having found this:

It’s 4%, so just below prescription strength, while not oral grade, it’s actually fine for soft tissues as long as not fully ingested/internally applied. And most importantly, ABSOLUTELY NO ADDED FLAVORINGS. there is also a spray version that comes in a bottle, which under no circumstances should you try because it uses alcohol as a propellant and I had a very bad 5 minutes after testing that one. But the cream one is fine and brings blessed numbness in around 5 minutes with only minimal contact pain--they are still open wounds after all. 

I use this for the next 7 days. By this point the sores have gotten worse and larger, and then started to heal and shrink again. Mouth canker sores go through a similar ~2 week process, so this is about what I expected.

Finally the results of my bloodwork came back, and I was negative for all STIs. The NP was dumbfounded and apologized, and agreed to look up more information/treatment options for cases like this in the future. I’m not surprised her reaction was to assume herpes as it IS very common, but I’m sure other women experience NSGU’s and receive improper treatment. If you look them up, they’re even mentioned as being predominantly a problem for “young or prepubescent women” which, reading between the lines--it’s not that these become less likely if you’re older or sexually active. Doctors just make assumptions and don’t always look past the easy answers.

So if you or someone you know ends up with these--from the Covid vaccine or as a complication of upper respiratory infections in general (as they ARE an immune response and can just Happen to you)--here is what works as treatment. If you can see a doctor you trust, still do that. But if they don’t listen or if for some reason you can’t seek treatment, here is the course of action I recommend: 

Pick up that over-the-counter Pain Relief+Lidocaine NON MINTY numbing cream ASAP. Sores go from “annoying” to “excruciating” in only 3 days, so it’s best to get in person or with rush shipping. Sit in front of a mirror and gently apply with a q-tip, and wait 5 minutes for the medicine to take effect.

Pat gently dry with toilet paper, don’t make wiping motions. If you don’t feel clean enough, pat more with a wet washcloth and rinse it out, or hope in the shoer for 5 min just to rinse.

There may be pus or reside from the ointment that doesn’t go away with just rinsing. Every 2 days I made a half-strength bath of epsom salts, NUMBED FULLY, and then took a 10 minute bath to fully cleanse the area. the salt will sting terribly if you wait any longer, so I recommend standing and rinsing after this time.

The vulva is more exposed to air than the mouth. this may cause the sores to crack/bleed as they dry out. to avoid this, after using the restroom and cleaning yourself, you can apply a thick coating of Aquaphor on top of the sores. It will need to be rinsed off before you apply more numbing cream however, so if that is too many steps I recommend just using the Aquaphor overnight.

You may think its ok to get up in the middle of the night to pee without the numbing cream bc you have to go really bad and just once will be fine but it is NOT you will REGRET IT.

Unfortunately if you have sores on both sides you may develop what is known as “kissing sores”, aka sores directly opposite each other that touch when the area is not spread open. this means that after an extended period of time (overnight), the sores will try to heal into each other and opening the area back up painfully rips the tissue apart. INStEAD of ripping them apart, take a washclosh, run it under warm water, and do a hot/warm compress on the area. this will loosen the sores back up and separate them painlessly.

This is not exclusive to people with a vulva, they can also happen on scrotal/anal tissue. However it does seem to much more frequently affect people with typical XX sex organs. 

If you develop these, PLEASE fill out an averse reaction form or your country’s equivalent. Also, I’m so sorry and if you need emotional support or have questions please feel free to get in touch.

Most likely, these will not happen to you--the vast majority of vaccinated people have not had this as a side effect. But it IS popping up more and more, and it is good to know about it in advance so you can be prepared to deal with and treat it without as much anxiety and all the hoops I had to jump through to get good care. Overall I’m still glad to be vaccinated, but if I had known this was a side effect, as someone already prone to canker sores I would have waited to vaccinate until my car was fixed a week later a the very least :|

[loverontheleft]

Do we think B has been, for lack of a better word, getting down and dirty more in the past year or no? (There were better words, I just wanted to say down and dirty 😂) Some things to consider:

More time with his lover. Now, at first glance this may point to yes. More time with sexual partner=more time for sex. But, that also means the lust could have died down over time Not that they’re not still super into each other. but being trapped in a house with someone for so long may make sexual intimacy less of a priority and/or desire. And there’s less of a structure for them to anticipate sex (no date nights, tour reunions, successes to celebrate), so that could make it harder to initiate sex. I don’t doubt that either of them would, but it would make it harder.

Less Career and Physical Stress This is the first time since Bachelor where he’s had an extended break. And it’s not only a break, it’s a break where he doesn’t have anyone breathing down his back to start another album/press/tour cycle asap. So with less of a constant barrage of pressure, cortisol levels are going down and so is B 😏😏😏. He’s also probably sleeping better, eating better and more, and hopefully taking it easy while working out, so his body itself is more suited for multiple rounds of burning hot lovemaking. However, he’s also not getting the highs from performing, so that’s something to think about too. I do think that might factor into his sex life somehow. Maybe not in frequency, but in length/what he’s interested in. Not necessarily in a bad way, I just think it could affect it.

More Stress From Other Places The general state of the world. Not even covid in particular. Just everything. That more makes someone want to stare at the night sky eating cereal for 8 hours straight, not make love. I know the anxiety hit Sarah especially hard (I tried not to mention her specifically because she’s not a public figure, but whoops. Hopefully she never reads this.), and if that was more intense towards the beginning when the novelty of so much uninterrupted time together was also at its peak, then those two things might cancel each other out in the sex department. Then there’s B getting cancelled. Like 20 different times. It’s hard to know how he would feel about this. On the one hand, I see him just living his life normally. He knows they’re mostly just kids looking for validation and attention, and the band is successful enough that this point that he doesn’t really need to stress too much over income. But it’s also hard to be demonized, even for someone as grounded as B, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s taken its toll.

He’s Getting Older He’s basically a sentient corpse at this point. Withering. Decrepit. Jkjkjk, I tease because he’s literally still a baby, and also he’s the best looking man I can think of, so the adjective decrepit was funny to me. His sex drive does seem to have plateaued in the past five years though. Now, this could be related to factors other than age. He’s been married for a long time, his career stress ramped up to extremes, he feels less insecure and therefore doesn’t need as much validation from sex. But in some ways, his age has definitely played a part in chilling him out a bit, and his sex drive wouldn’t be as high as it seemed to be back in P.O. through TWTLTRTD. This isn’t a bad thing, it could certainly lead to longer and better sex with more variety and exploration. It would just cut back on the number of times they’re having sex per month (is sex measured per month?)

Substance Use This is an understandably sensitive subject so I won’t go into it too much. But his drinking/smoking habits, whatever they may be, would play a role in his sex life.

My conclusion is that they’re probably still getting it on regularly, knowing a bit about B. But I think less frequently (every 1.5 to 2 weeks maybe? Obviously depending on what’s going on in their lives at the time), and for longer on average than before. Like, they’re still down for shower quickies, but typically when they do have sex it’s more thoughtful and deliberate than before. Less about getting out lust and tension and more about spending time together and focusing on pleasure. And they’re probably trying some new things, or at least they went through a phase where they decided to use their time to try new things. But definitely variety, even if it’s tried and true positions, toys, acts, etc that they’ve always liked. But feel free to totally disagree with this.

Okay, sorry for that wall of speculation. It’s just that I’ve been single and stuck inside for over a year and it just makes me feel better to think about Brendon. And then eventually my mind wanders to Brendon’s sexual habits because he’s pretty and it’s fun to think about haha.

I have so many thoughts and they’re all jumbled in my head but I want to open this up to everyone (particularly @beautiful-tragic-fallout) while I gather my thoughts. Thank you for this gift.

[turtle-to-eternity]

What It's Like to Have Unmedicated ADHD

A little over 2 weeks without my stimulant is going to be rough. But with this last pill, I'm going to describe to you exactly what it's like to be unmedicated with this disorder.

Here is my average day unmedicated, typical of the past 24 years of my life:

I get up an hour late (way better than yesterday!) and sit dehydrated with a painfully dry mouth and a pounding headache for hours. Occasionally I'll glance at my empty water mug and think about how I could refill it by walking 10 feet to the fridge. Even with a full mug, I frequently forget to drink water. Just grabbing the mug and drinking more than a couple seconds is too much, for most times that I even remember it.

As I'm doing this, I stare at the icons on my desktop. I think about how I used to have fun playing Stellaris. Though I can't remember why I stopped, setting everything up to play it again sounds useless and impossible. I go through these thoughts for 10 other games I used to enjoy, before I go to Reddit.

I browse Reddit for a couple hours, opening a new tab for every comment section because I can't stand just looking at one thing at a time. I go through gifs and pictures so rapidly that I don't really absorb any of it. Occasionally, I'll actually start reading something in the comment section. Most times this happens, I'll close the tab while I'm still reading through it, as if my hand had an attention span of its own and I so rudely exceeded it. This might frustrate me enough that I'll open that comment section back up, and then immediately forget why I did, so I close it again.

Then it's time for thinking about the basic self-care I'm supposed to do. About how it's been 3 hours since I've woken up and I've accomplished nothing. I think about how I could just get up and do my stretches so easily. About how if I went to the bathroom and started now, I could bathe and brush my teeth and shave without skipping stuff due to the pressure of getting to work on time. Then, I get on Youtube.

I see some 15 minute video compilation for a game I enjoy, from a creator I enjoy. Maybe it even promises some information I actually care to know. I open a new tab for it, and 7 others for 30 second meme videos I don't care about. Hey, they're so short there's no reason NOT to watch them, right? They're about anime and movies that I've never watched, but I go through them all anyway as if I enjoy it. The fast-paced nature of them is probably the only reason I bother. I open even more of them from recommendations, and continue this for the rest of my pre-work time. By the time I finally stop, my recommendations are full of references to countless pieces of media I have never, and probably will never, consume.

I finally get back to that 15 minute video I actually wanted to watch, but there's no time for it now. I have at most 20 minutes to wash myself and get dressed before I leave. I stress about how I'm about to go to work still dehydrated, and I forgot to brush my teeth for the 4th day in a row, and I haven't clipped my fingernails, and I'm going to have to buy yet another $1 stick of deodorant because I forgot to use any before I rushed outside.

Once at work, I remember I didn't get anything to drink still. I end up having to buy massively overpriced water from the registers, because buying a whole case would look weird and people might comment on it. I realize after walking across the store that my hair looks insane. Nobody said anything to me, probably because I looked at my phone to avoid looking at anyone. Even still, I felt their disdain for me. I don't disagree with it.

For my whole shift, I majorly stress myself out. I get absorbed in one of 2 different kinds of daydreams;

In one kind, I'm often about to be written up or fired. I tearfully scream at my bosses about how when I'm at work I only think about how afraid I am of losing my job. I'll eventually break down and cry about how hard it is just to do my daily routine, let alone work each 8 hour shift efficiently. All the little labels and numbers are so hard to remember let alone find, and I'm put in an unfamiliar area every other day. My focus is pulled to abstract thoughts and daydreams, no matter how hard I try to stay in the present. Usually I work on autopilot, fumbling with each item I put up like a dumb zombie. I can't stop myself from getting like this for long, I can only snap out of it when it's already happened. I feel fear and shame each time, not knowing how much time I've wasted.

They frown and shake their heads at me, like strict parents that caught their kid in the cookie jar. Even as I wipe the sweat out of my eyes they tell me how slowly I work. I rant about how horribly uncaring they are, wearing tight-lipped expressions and speaking in condescending tones as they rip away the financial stability of desperate folks that are trying their best to hold on. That no matter what they tell themselves about only being messengers, the suffering of each person they've fired hangs like rope around their necks.

The other kind of daydream is an idealistic fantasy of how I could start actually doing the things I want to do and earn happiness. I diet like I want to and get fit and attractive, I actually spend time developing interests and realize I have real talents that are useful and appreciable to others. I meet a friend and lover that shares many of my interests and cares about me, and lets me care about them. Often the feelings I get from having these daydreams are intense enough to put me on the verge of tears. Maybe that's why I typically have them when I'm assigned to an isolated spot in the store.

By the time I get home, I am emotionally ruined. I feel stable, but the slightest inconvenience makes me clench my muscles and scream silently until I feel like I've finally had an aneurysm burst. This is when I'm most likely to snap and bite my grandmother's head off, because she's started ranting about Obama or socialism/communism or the vaccine. Or about how the vaccine is socialism and that's why it's bad. Maybe it's because instead of getting me home so I can rest, she's decided to drag me to some fast food joint because she refuses to buy frozen food like I do.

After I get home I throw my clothes aside and put on whatever sweatpants I can grab. After taking 3 different sleeping pills, I fidget and flop around in bed for a few hours, never feeling comfortable.

Eventually, I fall asleep thinking about how I'll do better tomorrow.

[drlauralwalsh]

You and Your Grieving Parts

Do you ever think about your...parts?  No, not those parts, you mischievous little spark plug!  I mean inside your mind - the parts that get weird ideas, warn against danger, are mean to you, and tell you to engage in late-night food rituals.  That last part might just be me.  Seriously though, I’ve been doing some research into the parts of my mind. The idea that our minds have “parts” is not a new idea. Like right now, a part of me wants to keep writing to you and another part just wants to nap. Oh the drama inside! There is one theory that explains this and it has intrigued me since grad school: Internal Family Systems.

INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS (IFS) THEORY

The IFS theory believes that the mind is made up of a number of sub-personalities or parts, each with their own set of beliefs, opinions, and responses, and that interact with each other.  At the core is the Self, which has the ability to lead the parts but isn’t always up to the task.  No single part is bad but like an orchestra, the parts can be in harmony or honk cacophonously like a flock of agitated geese.

Along with the core Self, IFS sorts the other parts into categories by function: Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles.  Managers and Firefighters protect you from feeling the pain of the Exile parts.  They have the same goals but use different strategies.  Managers constrict and hold you back while Firefighters automatically react and let it rip.

MANAGERS

Manager parts proactively run the day to day operations of the system and are considered the most “acceptable” parts because they say very adult things and sound most like the core Self.  They maintain balance within you through control.  Managers parts are perfectionist, judgmental, self critical or people pleasing.  They want to prevent humiliation and abandonment by keeping you busy, criticizing what you do, worrying, sabotaging connections, and generally being a control freak.  They strongly believe in self sufficiency and are generally relentless, exacting, chastising and sometimes, anxious and depressed.  They’re really good at giving you a false sense of security by telling you it’s doing it so you’ll look good to others.  A typical Manager thought is, “You really should stop bothering people with your sob story.”

FIREFIGHTERS

Firefighters are your first responders.  They automatically fly out the door to rescue you when something hits too close to home.  They extinguish the fire of pain by smothering or creating a diversion.  They attack “enemies” and get defensive in an effort to control or suffocate emotions.  These are the parts that have anger issues, spending too much money, drink too much or use drugs, get obsessive or suicidal, self harm, or dissociate.  They like to eat too much. binge watch TV and endlessly play video games for hours.  They don’t give a crap about the goody-goody manager parts.  Those weenies don’t know what it’s like to charge heroically into danger.  Firefighters are really good at distracting you from upsetting, painful or overwhelming feelings.  A typical Firefighter part thinks it’s better to rage than to show vulnerability - even in the privacy of your own head.

EXILES

As a psychologist, I get to see other people’s Exile parts more than the average person.  I’ve developed such a knack for it that the Managers and Firefighters appear almost transparent.  When I’m interacting with someone who’s leading with one of those parts, I can see through to the Exile it’s protecting.  Just wish I could more reliably turn that super power on myself!  Exiles are the younger parts that hold pain from the past.  You compartmentalize and isolate them from the rest of the system for their safety and stability in the system.  Because of their vulnerability, they also seem kind of dangerous.  They’re the parts of you that are scared of being abandoned, get intimidated, experienced trauma, and feel a lot of shame.  This is where the Big Four live - not good enough, too much, if you really knew me, and everyone leaves.

Exiles are desperate to tell their story but Managers pessimistically believe your pain is a burden to others. Firefighters flat out refuse to put you in danger of being hurt again.  If a sad, little kid part of you revealed a disgusting longing for an authority figure’s approval during a job interview, a Firefighter part might change the subject while a Manager sabotages the rest of the meeting.  Neo-exiles are the parts we hide within close relationships.  Imagine a romantic partner or friend that gives you attention when you’re doing something nice but ignores your bids for reassurance.  You’ll shut down the needy part of you to maintain the relationship. The message from that person you tell yourself is that only your good parts are acceptable.  

THE CORE SELF

So far, we’ve been describing the orchestra - or if you’d prefer, the various departments of your business or the governmental branches of your personal nation.  Let’s switch to the head of it all - the conductor, the CEO, the President, YOU.  In the center of all of this is your core Self.  It’s a beautiful place to be.  It doesn’t need work because it’s already perfect.  It spontaneously emerges when the air is clear and all is safe.  It is the natural essence of who you are and is sheltered from damage or destruction by function of your parts.  

You know you’re in your grounded center when you feel authentically chill.  Some theories describe the Self by the 8 C’s:

Confident

Courageous

Creative

Clarity

Compassion

Calm

Curious

Connected

I know I’m in that place when nothing said or done can move me off my square.  For instance, I am confident about my intelligence.  If some bozo tried to lecture me about how I’m really a dummy, I might get a little irritated but he’s not going to shake my confidence.  Now if the same bozo flicked some booger comment about something more vulnerable, that might temporarily knock me off-center.  Note: my own managers and firefighters have censored me from revealing said vulnerability for my own protection.

WORST CASE SCENARIO

Your personal configuration and manifestation of parts was constructed to deal with your worst case scenario to date.  Since we have different histories and experiences, each set of parts is like a fingerprint of the individual.  While I’m currently working hard to lead with my core Self, recent events (i.e. the death of my wife) have thrown the system into a reorg process.  All previous worst case scenarios were blown out of the water and my mind’s company is frantically looking for new hires in two main departments.  I thought I’d give you a peek into the frenetic remodeling of my inner Self as the parts run around with their pants on fire.

Exile: [Can’t speak and just cries endlessly into the void.]

Firefighter: “Oh shit!  Their wedding song started playing overhead at the grocery store!”

Manager: “It’s fine.  Everything is fine. Close your ears, stop being a baby and don’t think about it.”

Exile: “But I can’t stop thinking!” [Stops responding as snot clogs up nose.]

Firefighter: “Leave the store!  Leave your groceries where you are!”

Exile: [Blows nose, hides in deserted health food aisle.]

Manager: “Someone could have seen you out there.  Now go check out and remember to smile at the clerk.”

Firefighter: “I think it’s a great time to call it a day and watch more episodes of Designing Women.”

These parts are obviously clueless as to what to do with this newly emerged and devastatingly sad grief Exile.  She’s a little girl part of me that either pitifully weeps or gets hulk-smash rageful.  She isn’t a new part; she’s come out of semi-retirement to hold my overwhelming grief.  She believes that everyone will leave her and she’s left on her own to figure everything out.   She thinks things like, “Why don’t people notice how sad I am???” She doesn’t know a Firefighter distracts her from feeling with a stupid magic trick while a Manager runs around pulling the curtains around her so no one sees.  All the parts are trying to help but the animals are loose at the circus.  Though the Exile doesn’t know it, she’s waiting for my core Self to step in and corral the monkeys.  My Self knows what to do if I can only find and access it.  Stepping from the shadows, my centered Self brings a soothing presence that stops the commotion and quiets the protectors.  Here’s an example:

Manager: “You should shower and do a little cleaning.  This place is a mess!”

Firefighter: “Honestly, I think eating a little cookie butter will make things better.”

Exile: “[Sobbing] Things are never going to get better!  I don’t want them to get better!”

Firefighter: “I know!  Let’s listen to Rage Against the Machine really loud in the kitchen!”

Manager: “Fine, don’t shower even though you stink.  Don’t change clothes either.  It’s not like anyone sees you anyway.”

Firefighter: “Uhhh, isn’t that friend coming over tonight?”

Manager: “Oh yeah!  He’ll certainly notice those dishes that have been in the sink for 3 days.  Just sayin’...”

Exile: “Oh no!  [Hangs head in shame] People will find out how horribly disgusting I am because I haven’t run the dishwasher or broken down and recycled the Amazon boxes.”

Firefighter: “Just throw everything in the backyard!!!”

Manager: “Stack up all the piles neatly so it looks like you wanted them there on purpose.”

SELF: “Alright, let’s think about this.  What if you broke down the boxes right now, put them outside, rinse the dishes, and filled the dishwasher all while listening to Rage Against the Machine?”

Manager: “That’s not enough but okay, fine.”

Firefighter: “Great ideas as always.  I’m going to rest up for the next emergency.”

Exile: “Thank you for listening to me.  I feel a little better and I think we can do this.”

SELF: “Great. Afterwards, everyone can take a break and zone out in front of the TV.  Now put on that music and let’s get to work.”

WHO’S IN CHARGE?

As long as there’s no one in charge, your mind is a confusing and chaotic miasma of competing needs.  Ideally, the Self steps up and takes over negotiation between the parts and directs the next steps.  However, sometimes a part fills in the leadership role.  You know you’re leading with a Manager when you feel buttoned up, intellectually sharp and emotionally numbed out.  Leading with a Firefighter part feels like a continual state of irritability and agitation and keeps you ‘at the ready’ to react to danger.  Exiles are rarely in charge because they’re really bad at it.  They collapse the system and insist on activities like staying in bed all day.

WORKING WITH YOUR SYSTEM

As with most life problems, the first step is awareness. You’ve got to get to know your parts - their personalities, beliefs, and functions - before trying to intervene in their conflicts. Like I said before, there are no bad parts - just competing beliefs and strategies. A given part feels strongly that it’s right, sees it how it really is and knows the truth. Every thought or feeling originating from a part is trying to help you out, even if it doesn’t seem that way. The part of me that says no one wants to be around me is actually trying to protect me from rejection and abandonment. Unchallenged, that part will keep me from connecting to supportive people.

OBSERVING AND IDENTIFYING PARTS

It may be difficult to put your finger on and capture a particular part.  When you’re ready, there’s a few ways to access them.  Start by being curious and non-judgmental.  Think of your centered self as just a researcher interested in data collection.  Reassure yourself that nothing has to change as you’re presently in observation mode.  

Take your emotional temperature by asking yourself how you feel right now.  Ask to see what emotions are already present and how or where your body feels with that emotion.  Observe those messages that are on repeat in your mind.  Alternatively, you can access an upsetting memory from the past and examine it.  Ask yourself, what exactly was upsetting about what happened?  Did you feel afraid, sad, anxious, angry or something else?  How did you react and what did you do?  Did you rage, freeze, numb, avoid, or try to smooth it over?  These questions will reveal clues to what was exiled and what managers and/or firefighters protected you.  If at any time your brain says, “I don’t know,” consider that another protector part and explore accordingly.

STAYING CENTERED

Once you’ve got a handful of observations, pick out one voice and interview it.  More than likely, you’ll be talking to a protector - probably a manager.  Getting it talking by asking what it believes and it’s job in the system.  Ask how old it is and what it looks like.  A voice that says. “This isn’t fair,” may believe you get dumped on more than most and thinks the job is to  protest on your behalf.  It may show up as a finger wagging old man who suggests that something must be wrong with you because this keeps happening.  What’s protective about this voice?  What kind of Exile is it defending?  Be gentle with digging down to the Exiled little kid part underneath.  Kids are delicate and need protecting.  If you find yourself continuing to have strong emotions or becoming reactive, you’ve likely run into another manager or firefighter.  Interview and explore this part before moving deeper.  We can’t access, validate and utilize the burdened exiles without honoring how the system set itself up to protect us.

Once you’re working with a particular part, another angle is to check back in with your calm and centered Self.  What do you understand about the part?  What do you think is going on?  Can you find empathy and appreciation for the part?  Even our nastiest parts work really hard on our behalf.  A critical voice is mean but its heart is in the right place.  An obsessive or addictive part is trying to soothe the system in the best and only ways it knows so far.

TRUSTING RELATIONSHIPS

Getting to know your parts is the process of creating trusting relationships between them and the Self.  This is the next step in the process of converting your protectors and split-off exiles into your allies.  Think about how trust is built with other people: consistent interactions, listening to and honoring what’s said, believing their words are important - even when you don’t understand.  That’s exactly how we build rapport with the different parts of ourselves.  It may be scary or unpleasant to get close to your inner critic or the tightly-wound explosive rage but it’s a vital step.  Like a good CEO or President, once your core Self begins to get everyone on board, it’s easier to know what to do when life throws you the next curveball.

I’ve got a story for you from back when my wife was still alive.  I left to go grocery shopping but stopped in at the craft store to shop for just myself.   This nagging little voice kept popping up but I successfully shoved it back down at the craft store.   Entering the grocery store a short time later, I could no longer ignore a little girl voice on repeat: “She’s going to be mad at you!” Sighing, I got centered and engaged it.  Here’s how the conversation went:

Little Girl: “She’s going to be mad at you!”

SELF: “Okay, well, we can handle that.  Why will she be mad at me?”

Little Girl: “Because you took too much time at the craft store.”

SELF: “Why is that a big deal to you?  What are you feeling?”

Little Girl: “I’m worried she’ll be mad and call you selfish because you took time for yourself.”

SELF: “Okay, well if that happens, I’ll take care of it.  You don’t have to explain it to her.  I don’t think she’ll actually be mad but if she is, I’ll be in charge.  How does that sound?”

Little Girl: “I’m still worried but I’ll try it your way.”

SELF: “Great. Thank you for trusting me. No matter what, it will be okay.”

This is the actual transcription of me engaging with a worried part.  For the record, it’s not grounded in current reality.  Naturally, Patty would be concerned if I hadn’t returned from shopping if it had been a few hours but she wouldn’t be mad.  I already had a relationship with this part - the Little Girl.  She’s about 5 or 6 and feels too small and powerless to change things in the world.  She’s used to being  dismissed and pulls at my sleeve to warn me about all the monsters lurking in the shadows.  She’s protected by another part - my rebellious teenager.  If I’m not gentle with the Little Girl, the Rebel leaps to her defense and commandeer the entire system.  The Rebel says things like, “Oh no, you fucking didn’t just do that!  I’ll show you!” and promptly turns off all inhibition and motivation and steers us back to the craft store to buy $100 worth of crap.  I’ve learned my lesson - listen to and trust the Little Girl, or else it’ll cost me.

YOUR PARTS IN GRIEF

I’m still getting to know and lead the parts of me as they grieve.  As with outside life, my internal life was thrown into disarray after Patty died.  I had all the parts nicely organized, productive, and had good working relationships with all.  Death took my puny little shoebox diorama on the inside of my mind and… shook it up really hard.   I was so proud of my hand painted little figurines, all precisely glued in their rightful places.  A manager most assuredly came up with that idea.  Now, there’s a part of me that just wants to toss the whole thing and another part that’s picking up each piece, crying over its brokenness.  

All I can do is be patient with myself for now as I sort through the pieces in the shoebox.  I tried throwing it out but it just reappeared.  I’m working on getting the lay of the land.  I’m doing my best to accept and soothe the broken parts - even as they overreact, judge me for not keeping things cleaner, numb out with cookie butter, and cry at the grocery store.  We are trudging down the road right now but when I get to know everyone again, I’ll call a meeting and figure out what’s next.

[petty-revenge-stories]

Chemical warfare used to teach coworker manners... #Pettyrevenge

A few years ago I used to work as active duty in the USAF in the Security Forces squadron. Basically military police. A typical workday would have me spend 12 hours checking ID's at the front gate, patrolling the base or being put in a non-moving post in the middle of nowhere in which you would spend most of the time contemplating your life choices. The last one is where our story takes place.

At the time, we were combining two different work groups (night and day shift) to build up our manpower for the week because we were expecting some important people to fly into our base. Also, all this was happening in the middle of January, so the average temp outside was around "Too F@#$ing Cold".

I was tasked with being posted on the flight line in a truck with two other airmen. One of the guys I was partnering up with, we'll call him Nate, was from my group so I already knew him. The other guy, we'll call him Jimmy, was from the other group. I didn't know much about the guy so I asked around about him.

The best way to describe him in one word would be "cornhusker". Jimmy was what you would call a good-old Midwestern boy. A good guy honestly and a decent coworker. However, he had this one particular quirk that could quickly get on your nerves. Jimmy was well known for farting and never apologizing for it! I would have understood if he had some kind of medical stomach issue or digestion problems. But nope, Jimmy was healthy as a horse and just loved ripping ass at his fullest potential.

Oh, and his justification for never apologizing for it was also priceless. Jimmy was well known for saying "What?! Farting is as natural as breathing. You want me to apologies for breathing too!?" every time. Hearing this kind of rubbed me the wrong way and so was Nate, so I decided to prepare in case he tried to pull this stunt with us. I told Nate what I had planed and his reaction said it all.

Nate: Dear God, I hope it wont have to come to this.

Me: It'll hurt me more than it will hurt him.

On the first day of us working together, it didn't take long before s!#t started to go down. Nate and Jimmy were sitting up front in the truck and I was sitting in the back seat. After about two hours of just us talking and trying to stay warm, Jimmy did exactly what we were warned he would do. Jimmy not only let out a fart that made me question if he was medically clear to serve our country, he didn't apologies or even roll down his window. This of course lead to us reacting appropriately.

Nate (while rolling down his window): Dude what the hell!! Are you dying?!

Me (while trying to cover my face because I cant roll down my window): Bro you can apologies, or at the very least commit Seppuku for this dishonor!

And of course Jimmy gave his trademark excuse.

Jimmy: What?! Farting is as natural as breathing. You want me to apologies for breathing too!?

Me: Dishonor on you, your family and your cow!

This ticked me off and so I decided to immediately take action and initiated plan F. Without Jimmy seeing, I took out a box of pure high fiber breakfast protein bars from my gear bag that I got from the commissary right before work. I don't remember how many their were in the box, 6 or 8, I just know that I ate them all in like 20 min. 1 hour later I began to feel the inner demons working their way though my intestines, so I start a conversation with Nate to give him the codeword to let him know that things were about to get bad.

Me: Yo dude, any plans this brake?

Nate: No not really, you?

Me: I was thinking about re-watching the Last Airbender movie.

Once Nate herd our code word "Airbender", and the fact that I mentioned that movie, he knew it was time to leave. Nate then excused himself to go read some "important" government emails (YouTube) in the building we were closest to and that he would be gone for a bit.

Side Note: Our post had a specific rule we had to follow. Their had to be two people at the truck at all times. One person can leave for however long to go to the bathroom, smoke, get food or whatever. But until that one person comes back, nobody else can leave. Now back to the story

At this point, Nate had been gone for about 5 min, Jimmy was chillin in the front seat and I was in the back getting ready to exercise the horror that raged inside me. I gave myself my last rights and one min later it happened. I let out the most aggressive and physically demanding fart you could ever expect a 160 lbs. Filipino to be able to do. Jimmy's initial reaction was surprisingly positive.

Jimmy: Damn boy, where I'm from we call that a tree bender! HA!

But then, 3 Seconds later, the smell hit. Jimmy began to gag and franticly started to roll down his window and stick his head out the truck.

Jimmy: Good Lord what died and decided to haunt your ass!!??

I just laughed a little and started to text Nate everything that was happening. After about another min the smell began to dissipate and Jimmy brings his head back in from the freezing cold. Once Jimmy was done rolling up this window, I once again let loose another and even bigger fart. Pretty sure I made the truck vibrate. And once again the smell forced Jimmy's head out the truck.

Jimmy: Ok seriously, what the hell?!

At that moment I just decided to just sit back and let karma take the wheel and gave back to him his famous catchphrase.

Me: What?! Farting is as natural as breathing. You want me to apologies for breathing too!?

This started a vicious cycle that lasted over half an hour. Every time the smell would begin to die down and Jimmy thought it was safe enough to stop sticking his head out the window, my butt would just lion roar again and reclaim the land. It got to the point that Jimmy just had enough and decided to just get out the truck.

Jimmy (While stepping out of the truck): Nope! That's it! Cant handle it! My eyes are burning! Your messed up cuz this isn't natural!

Me (In a stereotypical Boston accent): Hey, you mind! I'm breathing back here! One hundred percent O'natural!

Jimmy got out and because of the rule we had to follow he couldn't leave the area or go inside the closest building with Nate. All Jimmy could do was stand outside the truck in the cold until my lower intestines decided it was done, which was about another 2.5 hours. And don't worry, we all had some decent cold weather gear.

When it was all said and done, we all worked the rest of the night and week without any more incidences. I don't know if he went back to his old ways when he went back to night shift, I just know he didn't pull anymore stunts like that with us. Because of that, I like to think he learned his lesson.

I hope you all enjoyed reading this and if you know what exact laws I broke in the Geneva Convention, please let me know because I pretty sure I violated a few of them. Thank you, and I'll end this by simply saying

"Respect is a two-way street"

(source) story by (/u/PinoySilver)

[lanwinograd-blog]

Topic:Men's RIghts Movement

During the very late hours of November 8, 2016 and early morning November 9, 2016, I sat in shock along with the rest of the country. The most qualified person to ever run for President had been defeated by a bumbling, sexist, clown. How did this happen? What actually happened? I spent a lot of time dissecting the election, and of course I ended up looking at whether or not gender played a role. Four years later Biden would pretty easily defeat the clown. The 2016 election was so close I wondered “if Hillary were a man, would she have won? How many people voted against her just because she was female?” While I watched the Trump supporters (of the asshole variety) gloat on Facebook, I would occasionally see people post “A win for men! A woman can’t be President. The Men’s Rights Movement Survives!” It goes without saying that anyone who said that repulses me…but “men’s right’s movement?” WTF is that? It sounded like a White Power thing…something that would repulse me…however, I had to do my research, to prove to myself it was nonsense…and, spoiler alert…for the most part it is, but not completely.

Now, let me get something out of the way right now…there are many hateful organizations that cloak themselves are fighting for “Men’s Rights.” Incels, the Proud Boys, the Oath Keepers, etc. I always assumed that anyone who supported even examining “Men’s Rights” was filled with hate. Well, I’m not filled with hate. I’m a feminist…and I don’t identify that way in an effort to get laid…cause well, although I’m not an “incel” I’m incel. (get it…hahaha). As I started my research I was lead to the “documentary” titled “The Red Pill.” Great…a documentary making some stupid Matrix analogy. Before I watched it I did a little research on it…it was funded by Prager University and Milo Yiannopoulos. Greeeattt…a movie funded by an organization I hate with a passion, and a person I hate with a passion. Ohh, and the person interviewed the most was Paul Elam…(male backwards…coincidence? mmmmm) who is quoted as saying “P---- is the only real empowerment women will ever know. Put all the hopelessly wishful thinking of feminist ideology aside and what remains is the fact that it is men and pretty much men only who draw power from accomplishment, who invent technology, build nations, cure disease, create empires and generally advance civilization. Women whether acknowledging it makes us feel warm and fuzzy or not, depend on men for all of that and the only tool they have at their disposal to have any sort of influence on any of it is the power of p---- and p---- is powerful indeed…Sexual robotics may well prove to be the best thing that ever happened to women from the standpoint of their humanity.... what would that do to the vast majority of women who would suddenly have to prove their worth as human beings beyond simply being the owners of said p——." I was not excited to watch this but I had to if I was going to write about it…however much I thought the whole concept was nonsense. So, as promised, I watched it, and yes, most of it was not reality based. Making dumb points that “Women and children are always brought to safety before men in an emergency” and “women should make less than men cause they live longer.” Honestly, I don’t even see how one had bearing on the other…and that “men are victimized in domestic violence situations almost as much as women.” Wait…is that true? The first two were opinion and the third was an actual statement of fact. Now, I wasn’t going to trust anything this movie said so I had to do my research. The answer surprised me…of course it was no…women are the victim quite a bit more, but the number of male victims was not as low as I originally had thought. “The crime survey’s stats also showed that 3.8% of men (equal to 786,000) and 7.5% of women (1.6m) were victims of domestic abuse in 2018/19. As ManKind points out: ‘For every three victims of domestic abuse, two will be female, one will be male.’”(National Domestic Violence Data Base). However while this is true, there is only one domestic violence shelter for men in the entire United States. This also can be misleading because the majority of DV shelters are unisex. Now, the movie pretty much had the thesis “someone cannot be a feminist if they admit males are disadvantaged AT ALL.” I disagree with this whole heartedly…because just looking at certain statistics…males are disadvantaged. Keep in mind, I identify as a feminist. Now, it goes without saying that if you take list and write the ways women are discriminated against the way men are discriminated against, you might have a mile high list for the women, and half a sheet of paper for the men. But the half a sheet of paper is not zero. It’s those things I would like to discuss. Now, let’s get some faulty statistics out of the way…you know, the ones the movie pushes. 93% of work places deaths are men…true but out of context…men typically have more physical jobs due to genetic makeup and women have just recently been taking part in these jobs. The movie states that 90% of the homeless population is men…that is just a flat out lie…it is 60%. The movie states that 90% of suicides is the United States are men. While that is not true, the number is 78%. Why this disparity. The only conclusion I could come up with is that men, throughout history have been taught to hide their emotions or they will come off as “a p—-.” I even have examples in my own life where I held back true emotion under fear of being ostracized. One thing that wasn’t mentioned in the movie but has always bothered me from observed experiences is false allegations against men. Whenever someone comes out against a politician or celebrity and accuses them of rape and/or sexual assault men are asked to fall in line, and not voice any other opinion other than “the woman is telling the truth.” I have encountered this twice in the past year. The first time was when I posted that Aziz Ansari did nothing wrong and the I did not believe the claims of Tara Reade against Joe Biden. Holy hell did men and women come after me like I was a woman-hating chauvinist pig. I pride myself in not being that; however I was called things I will not mention in this rant…but they were bad. Before I get myself into too much trouble, let me say that I believe every sexual assault allegation should be taken very seriously and thoroughly vetted by the police and any other agency that looks into it…however, that doesn’t mean they are all true. I will often times be told…only 8% of rape accusations end up being false…so the numbers speak for themselves. Actually, it’s 5.9% but I do believe that number is out of context. That number (5.9%) are rape allegations that are proven…100% to be false by either a confession of the woman, DNA showing it was another man, or proof that the man accused was in another state or country. However, the amount 44.9% of rape accusations are not handed over to the prosecutor. That number can also be misleading because prior to the #metoo movement…there was the ethic that “boys will be boys”…and I’m happy that is dead because it is offensive. I do predict the number of rape accusations handed over to the DA office will go up, but the amount not handed over will never be as low as 5.9%. Also, if a man and a woman are both blacked out drunk and have sex, the likelihood of the man getting arrested is much higher than the woman. The one place, and yes, only one, where I believe the woman has every advantage over the man is in Family Court. First, I am as pro-life as they get. Once a woman is pregnant is totally her choice whether or not to keep the baby…the man had a choice when he choose to have sex and put himself in that position…and that is probably 99% of the time…however, what about that 1% (these aren’t actual statistics). There are two types of men that have to be looked at here…married and unmarried. First, lets look at unmarried men. If an unmarried man is the father of a woman’s baby, he must pay child support…no questions, with only two exceptions (unless the woman doesn’t want it or another man adopts the child). However, would you believe that “sperm stealing” is actually a thing? I honestly though it just happened on lawyer shows and cop shows. Examples of this really are limited to a woman telling a man she is on the pill (probably cause of the heat of moment) while she is not. The movie quoted a Nigerian Story where a hotel maid took a condom out of the garbage and impregnated herself. Well, upon further research…that ended up being a satirical story with no truth to it. The movie also claimed that women use other “sexual techniques” to get the sperm, and than impregnate themselves with it…I could not find any examples of such. However, female on male rape is a real thing, admittedly much rarer than it’s counterpart, where once the woman gets out of jail, she can fight the man for custody…assuming she did not put the child up for adoption and the man is the sole custodian. When it comes to married men, their are much sadder stories. One thing the movie showed that I thought was insightful (and there weren’t many), was a woman on “The Wendy Williams Show” saying she wanted to have another child but her husband didn’t, so she was going to “trick him” and THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE clapped with approval. Here are some statistics that really made me think…and I’m still thinking: Fathers are granted custody only 18.3% of the time Mothers are awarded child support nearly 2 times as often as fathers are Fathers are awarded nearly 10% less, on average, in child support Fathers receive less of the awarded child support than mothers 69% of people surveyed believe that having two parents in the home is essential to a child’s happiness More than 25% of fathers live apart from their children Only 10% of nonresident fathers help their children with their homework Nearly 60% of fathers who do not get custody, speak to their children on the phone 4 times a month or less Over 25% of fathers who do not get custody, have zero in-person visits with their children each year Nearly all (97%) of the fathers surveyed agree that the rewards of being a parent are worth the costs/work that go into it. (National Institute of Divorce and Custody) Believe it or not…their are some good men out there. Men who want to be in their child’s life…I would actually say that is probably the majority; but being the woman holds the baby for nine months, it would appear she is preferred once those nine months are over. One of the saddest issues is false paternity. In all 50 states, when a married woman gives birth, the husband is legally deemed to be the father. However, what if he isn’t? What is the woman had an affair? Irrelevant. It is also illegal to perform a paternity test on a baby without either the mother’s consent or a court order. In these situations there are two male victims. First is the husband, who could be raising a child that is not his…and if he finds out the child is not his, he will be on the hook for child support anyway and has already formed an emotional connection with the child. The second victim is the biological father who will have NO LEGAL rights to a child that is biologically his. While asshole men might see this as a blessing…I have personally met men who have become suicidal over this. In conclusion, I am not a Men’s Rights Advocate…I am a feminist. However, I enjoy ranting on issues that people don’t talk about…all the way from porcupines to men’s rights…that doesn’t mean I fall on any side. I believe that in order to gain equality we have to work on and focus on how females have been discriminated against over the years; but to just ignore the (albeit few) ways men are discriminated against is irresponsible.

[hanwooz]

Interview tag~

tagged by:  @xuseokgyu​​ Thank you so much for tagging me! 

Name/nickname:

kellie

Pronouns:

she/her

Star sign:

cancer but i really feel like i’m not a typical cancer most of the time lmfao maybe because both my rising and moon sign is sagittarius? anyone an expert on astrology and care to tell me how it influences my personality LOL

Height:

5′3.5″ (about 161 cm)

Time:

i’m working and currently on lunch rn and it’s almost over lol 12:21 PM

When is your birthday:

july 10

Nationality:

american let me out

Favourite band/groups:

seventeen ofc but i also listen to other groups out there, can name any and i’ve prob heard at least one song of theirs lol

Favourite solo artists:

chungha! i also listen to a lot of kr&b and i listen to a lot of songs from sweet the kid these days!

Song stuck in your head:

magnetic by rain and jackson 

Last movie you watched

i think... it might’ve been i saw the devil (2010),  i don’t recommend for the light hearted as it tackles very uncomfortable topics 

Last show you binged:

i finished hotel del luna just yesterday! i dropped this drama back in 2019 but i decided to pick it up again because i had nothing else to watch, finished in like three days 

When you created your blog:

like a few weeks after i got into svt lol july 6th, 2015

Last thing you googled:

is (company name) legit because i got an email from a recruiter haha

Other blogs:

i don’t have any other active blogs T_T my infinite blog is @soowons​ but i rarely go on it

Why i chose my url:

this is a shared blog so we just combined our biases’ names = han (from hansol) and wooz (from woozi). it wasn’t intentional but hanwoo also means korean beef and we thought that was pretty funny LOL

Average hours of sleep:

5-6 hours on the weekdays usually i know that’s so bad but i really don’t feel a difference when i get 7-8 hours of sleep vs 5-6 hours is it just ME 

Lucky number:

173. i feel like i’ve had this number as part of my locker combination for so long and it was very easy to remember

Instruments:

i don’t play any instruments unfortunately.. i wish i said yes to piano lessons when i had the chance lol

What i’m currently wearing:

a maroon 5 t-shirt i got from one of their concerts and just regular pajama pants i received on christmas from my aunt

Dream job:

i don’t have one actually i just don’t want to work and get money LMAO but that’s impossible so i guess i want a regular desk job similar to the one i have now but with a way better salary

Dream trip:

i reaaaallly want to visit japan one day and maybe go back to korea again because there were so many things i wasn’t able to fit into my itinerary the last time i was there!

Favourite food

the baked shrimp toast (i hope it’s called this in english i don’t even know) my mom makes for special occasions!

Favourite song:

depends on my mood but today i am feeling twenty twenty by pentagon because i also finished the drama the song was the main OST for not too long ago!

Top three fictional universes you’d like to live in:

1) harry potter maybe? 2) percy jackson 3) marvel 

thanks for reading if you got this far lol i had fun doing this!

[cecilsstorycorner]

30 Questions Tag Game

Thanks @teriwrites for the tag! I’m all cooped up on a mountain alone so it was nice to have something to do lol

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better 

Name/nickname: Cecil

Gender: No (agender)

Star sign: Pisces

Height: 5’10”

Time: 8:39 am (an anomaly, everyone got up real early to head out and I got swept up in it)

Birthday: March 13th

Favourite bands: The Crane Wives, The Tiny, Bitter Ruin, Charming Disaster

Favourite solo artists: April Smith, Radical Face, Shayfer James

Song stuck in my head: Ways to Love - Jason Webley

Last movie: Oh gods it was Twilight. For context I was feeling down and my mum went ‘hey you know what cheers you up- making fun of bad movies with someone’ and she was right

Last show: Superstore (my family’s been watching it after dinner while we all do our separate work things. It’s not bad actually, very therapeutic if you’ve ever worked retail or even any customer service job)

When did I make this blog: Sometime around November or December I think??

What I post: My own art/writing nonsense, occasional thoughts no one wants to hear

Last thing I googled: schlaflied die ärzte (I’m trying to get better at my pronunciation through songs and this one is simplistic enough and also just very fun)

Other blogs: Mostly just my main @dontdropthejam, I have a bunch others but they’re not really used anymore

Do I get asks? Sometimes! Mostly for ask games. I quite like them though! (I know so unique)

Why I chose my URL: My typical handle for art and stuff is cecilstrinketbox, but since I’d already used that to make a now abandoned art blog here, I made a version more fitting to writing! Plus I literally ran a story time at my old job for a while so it felt appropriate

Following: 504

Followers: 150 (which is insane and I’m very grateful so many people wanna see my nonsense)

20. Average hours of sleep: From 5-11, depending. It’s never enough I am so tired

21. Lucky number: 13, but not because I’m trying to be ✨quirky✨ or something, it’s just that my 13th birthday was on Friday 13th on the 3rd month at 3am and I think that’s very sexy of me. Also 42 because I grew up with a nerd dad and it rubbed off on me

22. Instruments: Basic ukulele, by-ear fingerpicking/single key guitar and piano. I like to pick out songs on the guitar and sing alone. It’s rarely in my range but that’s okay I do it only when no ones home

23. What I’m wearing rn: Pyjamas and a big cozy blanket sweater thing. I’m a warm lump and I love it

24. Dream trip: I guess like... Germany or some Scandinavian country or something? For both personal background reasons and because I really wanna learn more about the folklore there. I also wanna go back to Scotland but I’m planning to live there so that’s less a dream trip and more a hopeful future plan

25. Favourite food: It’s more a meal than individual food, but sometimes on special occasions my family makes this Sunday roast with roast potatoes and the best Yorkshire Puddings you’ll ever taste. But it takes a full day to make so its a rarity. Luckily my dad knows how to make cheaper ingredients taste fantastic though so if we clear a day in advance it’s not too tricky to set up from that side

26. Nationality: British/German and living in Canada atm

27. Favourite song: Holy Branches by Radical Face

28. Last book I read: I just started A Conspiracy of Truths by Alexandra Rowland and I’m very excited to actually get back into reading again!

29. Top three fictional universes: Ooh I’m not really a worldbuilding person but probably 1. My friend’s dnd world (she’s making a whole source book for it it’s incredible I fear and respect her so much), 2. the alternative world that Bly Manor takes place in (I know this is a stretch but I just really like their ghost rules), 3. Whatever Spirited Away’s got going on

30. Favourite colour: Depends on my mood tbh. Sometimes a really soft blue, sometimes a deep warm purple, sometimes heavy forest green, and so on

I am absolutely not tagging 20 people oh gods. This isn’t a writing thing so I don’t really know who to tag even more than usual, so I’ll try @little-boats-on-a-lake and @chayscribbles if you want to, plus anyone else who’s as bored as me!