#I think we should start making playlists as a community

[bella-rose29]

lockwood would love the barbie movie I'm sure of it

I can just see him getting down to dance the night

(also I feel like it's weirdly accurate for him? like if you look at the lyrics)

[steddieas-shegoes]

documentary

for @corrodedcoffinfest prompt 'behind the music'

rated m | 723 words | cw: implied sexual content | tags: modern era, famous corroded coffin, established steddie

📹📹📹📹📹📹📹📹📹📹

"Steve!" Gareth calls from the couch of the living room, not caring that Eddie was fast asleep in his chair. "It's on!"

Steve rushes into the room, nearly falling face first when he slips on the corner of the rug. He's wiping his hands on a towel, probably wet from doing the dishes after dinner.

Jeff and Frankie are sitting on the other couch, leaning forward to watch.

Eddie's still asleep somehow.

"Metal bands have always been expected to just make due with whatever already exists in the metal community. 'Don't play acoustic' and 'You can't play Coachella' and 'You can't feature a pop star.' But we just like music. We wanna share music with people."

"Listen to you, Jeff. So poetic," Frankie teases. Jeff shoves him, but they keep watching the ad for their documentary.

"We live in a time where people don't have to just like one thing. Someone can have a playlist that's got us right next to Dolly Parton and Taylor Swift if they want. If people saw my playlists, they'd think a group of teenagers made it."

Eddie doesn't even wake up when his voice fills the room, his face on the screen.

"Corroded Coffin announces world tour with a new opening guest for every show. The artists range anywhere from Chappell Roan to Sleep Token." A male reporter is shown on the screen.

"No one's doing it like them, that's why we love them," a few fans say into a camera during an interview.

"The members of Corroded Coffin refused to do a documentary for years, too busy writing, recording, and performing music for the masses. But they've taken time off this year, focusing on personal time with loved ones and staying out of the limelight they worked so hard to reach. We finally managed to sit down with them and find out who they are...behind the music."

The ad changes to a fast food commercial and Steve laughs.

"That was somehow more dramatic than anything Eddie's ever done," he says as he walks over to wake up his still sleeping boyfriend. "Ed, you missed it."

Eddie's eyes blink open, but he doesn't seem to remember that he fell asleep with everyone in the room. He grabs Steve's thighs and pulls him down so he's straddling his waist.

"Hey, big boy. Was just dreamin' about you."

Steve laughs. "You can tell me all about it later. When your best friends are not sitting a few feet away."

Eddie turns his head, but doesn't take his hands off of Steve's hips. "You should all go. I have business to attend to."

"You missed the ad, dumbass," Gareth says, throwing one of the pillows at Eddie. "Keep your hands to yourself until the next run."

"Don't you think it's already on social media?" Frankie asked before Eddie could.

"Probably, but it's different on tv."

Eddie squeezes Steve's hips, but lets him get up. He sits up and smiles up at Steve. "Later?"

"If you can stay awake, sure."

Steve leaves the room and Jeff, Frankie, and Gareth all start teasing Eddie immediately. He lets them; He knows he's a lovesick idiot.

When the next ad comes on as scheduled, Eddie watches it silently.

He pulls his phone out and calls Wayne, asking if he saw it.

And then he starts crying.

Everyone's in complete shock.

"Steve! Eddie's crying!" Gareth yells.

This time when Steve comes rushing into the room, it's with panic in his eyes. He seems to realize what's going on the moment he sees Eddie, though. He shoos everyone out of the room as he makes his way to him, kneeling in front of him and placing his hands on his face.

The guys don't hear much, but they can make out Eddie blubbering "we worked so hard for this and it's happening" and Steve's gentle shushing and praise.

"Should we get pizza delivered?" Frankie asks.

"I think now's a good time to just leave," Jeff suggests. "We can get hibachi."

"Hell yeah!" Frankie fist pumps and opens the front door, holding it open as Jeff walks through it.

Gareth looks back towards where Steve has Eddie's head against his shoulder, hand in his hair. He smiles to himself as he leaves to join Jeff and Frankie.

They really did work their asses off to get here.

[charaznablescanontoyota]

"marn i missed sgdq 2024 what should i watch"

hi i decided i'm doing another one of these. it's been a minute. this past week was summer games done quick, an annual speedrunning marathon raising money for doctors without borders and also a great way to get into watching speedrunning. a lot of their content is tailored towards being both clearly explained and fun to watch for an audience outside the speedrun community, so you can jump in with basically no knowledge besides “this person is gonna play a game really fast”.

gdq has the full week's worth of vods up as a playlist on their channel, but here are some runs that i personally think you should check out:

ken griffy jr presents mlb by peanut butter the dog: look it's a dog playing baseball. i don't know what else to tell you.

the entire silly block: speedrunners get up way too early in the morning/late at night to play games that feel like a fever dream. some of the commentators are going on 24 hours of no sleep. it's brilliant. my personal highlights of what i've seen so far are stuart little 2, mad panic coaster, city bus simulator race, and the golf it wrong hole only race that the players dressed up as golfers for

alan wake 2 alan%: alan wake clips through walls and generally has a bad time while a bunch of gamers call him a sopping wet catboy. the runner for this one is really charismatic and it's very funny to see staff rushing to open up the pit as soon as we sing starts (yes they do the dance of course they do the dance). i just love joyful runs of horror games man

super mario 64 blindfolded randomizer: what if you played mario 64 blindfolded and also the stars were in completely random locations. and also you had to do it very very fast.

kingdom hearts 2 critical any%: every kh2 speedrun i've ever seen is a work of art and this one is no different. some of the boss fights go down so fast you will literally miss them if you look away for a minute. and also two of my favorite runners are on couch commentary!

balatro showcase: genuinely made me rethink how i'm playing some of the balatro decks. also great commentary and just fun all around despite (or perhaps partially because of) the absolute struggle session going on with plasma deck in the beginning

super mario world kaizo relay: kaizo is a shorthand term for a game hacked to its absolute limits of difficulty that often requires strict precision of movement and can punish the player for thinking they're smarter than it. in this segment, two teams of 4 very very good mario runners race to complete 8 kaizo levels they've never seen before in their lives

mario maker 2 troll level race: i always like the mario maker races for the same reason i like the kaizo relays. i love watching two speedrunners thrown blindly into the shit have to make up strategies on the fly via trial and error (and error, and error, and error, and...)

kirby air ride race: two high level kirby air ride speedrunners race for an actual physical title belt. the trash talk game happening here is of the insane variety that only two very skilled people who truly respect each others' talents at their game of choice can provide

kaizo mario galaxy: what if mario galaxy hated you even more than usual and would stop at nothing to kill you. also most of the commentators are only familiar with the vanilla game and their reactions to the added-in bullshit are hysterical

tony hawk pro skater 1, 2, 3, and 4: i fell asleep watching this and woke up in a cold sweat to the sound of a bunch of people singing superman by goldfinger. good run

super mario rpg remake: this was the finale block and it's just great to see a bunch of people who really really love the original mario rpg get to hang out and talk about how good it is and also watch a world record level player absolutely stunt on the game

halo 3 four-player co-op legendary: dudes rock

[revvethasmythh]

you say you think Veth should divorce, could you expand a bit on that if you don't mind? what do you see as a happy ending for her?

To be fair, "should divorce" is kind of a conditional statement. By which I mean, as it stands now, I more think Veth and Yeza need to have a serious conversation about their relationship and start having some open communication about what they both want, and then take things from there--which could end very happily for them! Or it could, theoretically, end in divorce. So, it really depends on how that hypothetical conversation might go that would determine if I actually think they need to get divorced. Tragically, that is much more nuanced and way less funny than just posting #BrenattosDivorceWatch2k24, so here we are.

As for what I think a happy ending for her would be...it's interesting, because I don't think she has an unhappy ending now. I think she is, largely, happy. I would call her ending an imperfect one, and I don't mean that in a bad way--all of Veth's potential endings were imperfect. That was the nature of her conflict in the later campaign, that no matter what she did she was losing in some aspect or another. If she keeps adventuring, she runs the risk of acting the absentee mother to Luc. If she goes home to her family, she's leaving her friends out in the cold and might not be there to help if they need her. Her story was about making a choice and living with the consequences of that choice, which was very much highlighted by her extra-marital feelings for Caleb.

And I don't mean lust here--Veth lusts a lot, famously for Sunbreaker Olomon, which she justified by saying "50/50 chance my husband's already dead, so" 😂. But I mean feelings for Caleb. And I think you'll find that the vast majority of Veth stans are, if not actively on #BrenattosDivorceWatch2k24, then at least more keyed into the marital issues between Veth and Yeza than your average watcher. Because in C2, Veth had what amounted to a long-term emotional affair with Caleb that pointedly did not resolve, and you largely see the general, non-Veth stan audiences fail to acknowledge or engage with that aspect of their relationship and how that, in turn, effected her relationship with Yeza. In c2e85, Veth first hedges that she "used" to have a crush on Caleb, to which Beau replies, "You know, I kind of got that vibe before, thought there might be that feeling." Then, after c2e97, Sam outright stated Veth was frustrated with Yeza and wasn't sure she was still in love with him at all on Talks. In the early 100s, the Veth playlist dropped and confirmed she had romantic feelings for Caleb. In c2e121, Veth and Caleb have an incredibly emotional one-on-one about guilt, how much they love each other, and how much they'll miss each other when Veth leaves, where Veth tells him, "I will always love you." In c2e126, Veth sees Astrid having a breakdown after talking to Caleb and says, "Well, wouldn't you [have a breakdown] if you wanted to be with this amazing young man, and couldn't be because of circumstances tearing you apart?" and then later that same episode tells Caleb "Nothing is more important than you" (to which my good friend, upon watching with me, immediately said, "Umm???? Veth, don't you have a husband and son???").

Then, in c2e129, Luc dies. And from then on out, Veth is wholly focused on finishing out this mission and finally, permanently returning home to her family. Not that this wasn't her goal before, but it's clear that a choice has been made at this point and she's sticking with it. She's choosing her family, which was really the only choice she could make. And a consequence of this decision is that those extra-marital feelings she harbored are never discussed, never confessed to anyone (and I don't mean to Caleb here, I mean, like, to a friend), and fundamentally never resolved.

I said this before somewhere, but I don't think it was a bad choice to avoid finding resolution to this sort of thing in the campaign. It's a bit of a sensitive, awkward topic to noodle around with in your TTRPG. But I do think that lack of resolution to either Veth's frustration with Yeza's easy acceptance of whatever she does or her extra-marital feelings in general led Veth to a place of wanting. Which was always what her story was about to begin with, so there's an interesting symmetry to starting and ending with her wanting something. It was easy to name what she wanted at the start of the campaign--her body back, her life back--and much more difficult to face the idea that you may not be completely satisfied with having all that returned to you, that there's still other things to want.

Though, I actually think the Wildemount Wildlings helped her strike a great balance between the things that she wanted, adventuring and homesteading, just that it was an impermanent solution. Because she's not going to willingly resolve any issues she has with Yeza (nor Yeza with her) because Veth is a terrible communicator who will never outright tell Yeza if she's feeling this way, and Yeza is too passive to really push her into talking, so they just dance around their issues, pretending not to see them while the issues just fester and get worse. That's why I'm a #BrenattosDivorce Truther. Because i HATE indecision and dawdling and staying in a situation where you're not completely happy when it does a disservice to yourself AND your partner and THIS is why I am always the first person in the group chat to say "BREAK UP WITH HIM."

So, yeah, personally? I'd just want that potential for conflict that exists between Veth and Yeza to come to some sort of head. That's my happy ending, vague as it is. But that's far from the only way she might get resolution. Or she might get no resolution, which is as imperfect an ending as any of her options, and I'm okay with that too.

[meadowmousey]

Modern aesthetic is based on consumerism

Seriously. If you look up like fairycore or Whimsigoth (using these as examples bc i love that vibe) all you will see are items to purchase. Which is what capitalism and consumerism have done to us as a society. We base our identities not off of what we are, but rather what we have. We create profiles for ourselves irl to look like the kind of person that does xyz. It’s made subculture feel hollow and vapid.

I am sososososo sick of this. Let’s not walk the walk, let’s talk the talk too. I want to hear your fairycore playlists. I want to know the activities that make someone that. I want to know what books are whimsigoth. Let’s create an *actual* subculture rather than a fashion trend that will have us throwing our items away in a year.

I’m gonna rb this later with how I’m gonna start defining these particular aesthetics. I want to belong to an actual community of people with a shared interest, not just a shared wardrobe. It should be about so much more than just what we look like! It’s about shared values and thinking. Let’s actually have a philosophy behind this.

*before anyone comes for me, yes clothes and overall look are valid things to have an interest and passion for, and are a big part of aesthetic/subculture, and I love my wardrobe but I want to see more than JUST items! I love fashion but I want to partake in something deeper than simply a micro fashion trend and I feel like subculture lately is really lacking in anything BUT items, but I’m not trying to gatekeep nor tell anyone that they’re not good enough/doing it right! Let’s all be kind to each other plz*

[cher-rei]

love song ♬— chapter 4 [ J.M ]

pairing: jamal musiala x fem!oc

summary [please read]

genre(s): strangers to lovers, fluff, angst and football romance [love song playlist]

[w.c: 4.3k] masterlist

notes: this is the one!! ya'll thought I was joking about the 5k word count 😔

previous chapter | next chapter

the three friends stepped off the train in herzogenaurach, the city bustling with excitement and laughter. with their luggage in hand, they caught their uber and successfully made it to their b&b that they rented our for the remainder of the tournament.

obviously because it was where the team's training camp was located, and it would mean less hassle and back and forth travel from munich.

the uber turned into a quaint street lined with traditional bavarian townhouses, each boasting colourful flower boxes and rustic facades. a wooden sign creeked in the gentle breeze, bearing the b&b’s name in gold, bold letters.

“welcome ladies.” the sight of a middle aged man greeted them at the front door, his smile inviting as he held the villa's key in his hands. “she's yours for the next few weeks. don't be scared to call me if anything is needed.”

with a grateful smile, aaliyah let the keys fall into her palms and waved off the property owner while sophia and noelle got the rest of their luggage.

as they entered the, the cozy living room enveloped them in warmth. plush sofa's, rustic wooden furniture, and rich, dark wood floors created an inviting atmosphere. vintage memorabilia adorned the walls, alongside german team jerseys and photographs.

they led to each of their bedrooms— sophia's boasted vibrant red and black bedding and a more rustic look while aaliyah's room featured sleek, modern decor. noelle's room was cozy, with a comfortable reading nook.

the kitchen beckoned, filled with with aroma of freshly brewed coffee which was more than enough to make noelle's senses perk up.

“you know,” she turned to look at her friend's with an innocent smile. “I think we should have some coffee, to match the atmosphere and stuff.”

before she could successfully open one of the cabinets, aaliyah interjected and pulled her to the side and gestured to the fridge. “we have orange juice, don't talk crap.”

noelle's shoulders dropped in disappointment. “but it's not the same,” she whined but her friends weren't giving into her plea.

“yeah, it won't lead to kidney failure,” sophia said with a smile and passed her the glass of orange juice, the look of distaste on noelle’s face comical. “drink it so we can unpack.”

the following two days spent in the city went about quickly, with lots of time out to explore and just enjoy their time together. noelle even got some time to start on her thesis, or at least figure out where she was intending to go with it. on different occasions she would call sophia and aaliyah aside separately for some questioning, trying to get as raw of a response that she could.

sophia's interview [log 1]

n: how do you handle the pressure of being in the public eye?

s: honestly, it's tough. but kai keeps me grounded, funny enough. he's really supportive and puts my comfortability first, which I really appreciate.

n: how do you maintain intimacy and the relationship's strength with different schedules?

s: (laughs) we make time, even if it's just a video call like we've been doing recently. trust is key.

n: okay, yoda. what's the most challenging part of dating a high profile athlete?

s: balancing my own identify with being “kai havetz's girlfriend”. well, fiance now. but he's sweet, and encourages me to pursue my passions, even if it isn't the most ideal. we work around it.

n: aw, that's so sweet... move back to munich for me.

s: (laughs) no. nice try though, maybe it'll actually work next time.

n: shut up.

aaliyah's interview [log 2]

n: uhh, let's see. ah, how do you cope with flo's intense training regiments?

a: communication is key, sweetheart. we prioritise our time together and as long as there is understanding and trust, we’re good.

n: ew, sophia said the same thing.

a: because it's true you idiot. you're just a baby, you'll understand one day.

n: what's the most surprising aspect of dating a professional athlete?

a: the emotional highs and lows. you're going to experience that first hand this time around since you're with us. their passion for football is infectious but losses can be tough, which means that they rely on us for emotional support and reassurance. it's a lot of responsibility but it's worth it.

n: that's a lot of words. I think I deserve some coffee.

a: you wanted raw and honest? I gave you raw and honest. but touch that espresso machine and i will light it on fire in front of you.

n: ughhhhhh!

she slept, ate and drank thesis for the next few days. and that even meant when they went out. it was a day before germany and hungary's match in stuttgart that sophia proposed that they took a trip to the training camp. were they allowed to? not in the slightest.

there was a strict no family policy implemented to keep the teams’ players focused and isolated. which noelle found sort of dumb.

the three friends entered the camp with sophia leading the way as if she owned the place, greeting the staff members that passed by and whatnot, while aaliyah and noelle walked behind with their arms linked.

“this feels illegal,” noelle said, her eyes scanning the sleek and modern interior of the building before they headed onto the training pitch.

aaliyah smiled. “that's because it is.”

noelle couldn't help but shake her head, a quizzical look on her face as she looked up at aaliyah with so many questions plauging her mind. “how do you not have a criminal record yet?”

from in front of them sophia threw her head back in laughter, taking a step back go high five noelle with a satisfied smile. aaliyah didn't see the comment as an insult however and shrugged her shoulders. “I have connections and a very pretty face.”

the path that led them to the training pitch was unnecessarily lengthy, the accommodation in general was absolutely huge. the building felt like it was swallowing noelle whole.

the football pitch was located on the further side of a smaller pitch with fake grass, a running track circling the field with the bleachers on the far right just opposite the building.

the three girls happily took their seats on the last level of the bleachers, nothing but a barricade separating them and the footballers going through their drills. turns out that aaliyah did have connections, meaning that even though family weren't allowed to visit unless given the permission at allocated times, the girls were.

it didn't take much for kai and florian to spot their girlfriend's, and by the looks in their eyes they were ready to drop everything and make a run for it. jamal on the other hand tripped over his own feet at the sight of noelle but he managed to catch himself without making it too obvious.

“are you okay?” toni asked the younger boy, who sheepishly waved his captain off and cleared his throat from the minor embarrassment.

for the rest of the first session, jamal couldn't help but turn to the bleachers every so often, his gaze unintentionally landing on noelle who was sat with her ipad on her lap, scribbling something down. he came to the conclusion that she was working on her thesis, listening intently as her friends spoke.

her laughter sounded through the air at some point, followed by sophia slapping her on the arm and yelling something through her own laughter.

“you look like a lovestruck deer.” the retort came from none other than kai himself, which promoted jamal to take a step back and hit him with the most judgement look he could muster.

“are you telling me that?” he scoffed. “kai ‘my girlfriend breathes and I want to die in her arms’ havertz?”

kai threw his hands up in defence. “wow, thanks for that. remind me to just shut up next time.”

jamal playfully smiled at his sarcastic comment, gratefully taking it. “with pleasure.”

“jamal and kai you're acting like we're not playing an international tournament!” their coach yelled after blowing the whistle to gain their attention, the two footballers immediately halting their argument. “wouldn't you like to hold a trophy this season havertz? might just be the first and last!”

while the players all erupted into a fit of laughter, the three girls on the bleachers were in their own bubble of conversation.

“seriously, how traumatised do you have to be to start yelling, ‘run up, run up. cross the ball, I'm open!’”

noelle and sophia covered their mouths in an attempt to contain their laughter at aaliyah's story. she shook her head and continued complaining, sophia giving her own input in between while noelle took notes on her tablet.

she was silently absorbing all the words exchanged between her friends, perhaps looking up at the pitch to see jamal laughing or jumping in excitement about scoring. unbeknownst to her, there was a faint smile on her lips even if it didn't feel like it.

“are you seriously just going to sit there?” sophia asked with a chuckle, watching as noelle took a sip from her water bottle. yes water.

she closed the plastic bottle with a smile, gesturing for them to continue. “yes, now carry on talking. you're doing great.”

aaliyah's brows furrowed. “I was literally talking about how irritating flo is when he sleeps talks.”

“exactly,” noelle deadpanned and got comfortable in her seat, ready to listen to more complaining but unfortunately the whistle sounded which meant that it was time for a water break.

sophia and aaliyah were out of their seat at lightning speed, practically hopping over the barricade to get onto the pitch where florian and kai were getting water. she shook her head in slight disapproval, a sigh escaping her lips as she focused on the two couples and their interaction.

their dynamics were so different, and it was something that noelle was heavily taking into account for her thesis, and simply out of genuine interest. kai and sophia were softer— their love and affection for each other was so evident that you wouldn't be able to see them without each other, it simply didn't make sense.

and florian and aaliyah were a lot more playful, with aaliyah wearing the pants in the relationship. they shared light banter, silent glances and gentle gestures while also maintaining a strong sense of friendship. it was cute.

noelle didn't even realise that she zoned out until jamal called her name. the footballer walked up to the barricade, “hey stranger.” his arms relaxed on the top with a gentle smile on his face. “what brings you to this side of the world?”

a chuckle left her lips at the playfulness in his voice and she hummed in thought for a moment. “my friends’ borderline obessesion and codependence,” she said half joking and jamal laughed. “and what brings you to this side of the pitch?”

a glint of something flickered in his eyes at the question, something that noelle managed to catch before he answered. “a very pretty psych student.”

now, just because noelle had never been in a relationship before did not mean that she was oblivious. she's had her fair share of encounters to know when someone was flirting with her, it's just that this was the only time where she didn't have the alarm going off in her head telling her to awkwardly laugh and change the subject.

for some reason she was more thrilled and keen on entertaining it, even if it was just a joke (she wasn't sure).

“oh, really?” she questioned with mock intrigue. “where is she?” she straightened her posture and looked around the field to which he laughed.

his laughter sent a warm shiver down her spine, she couldn't help but enjoy his playful demeanour. she watched with her lips pursed as he took his phone out of his pocket and turned the screen in her direction to see the front camera open.

yep. she was on the verge of throwing up and overheating.

“she's right there,” he said with a proud smile and she nodded along with flushed cheeks but she held onto her playful facade.

“oh, wow. and what makes her so special exactly?”

jamal's grin widened. “well she's super smart, has this insane coffee addiction, and she can quote fifa regulations verbatim.”

noelle chuckled at his answer, almost losing herself at the last point. he wasn't even trying but she was quite aware that what she felt in that moment was the equivalent of downing four shots of espresso. “that's quite the combination. was that combo the reason you tripped earlier on?”

jamal's laughter echoed through the air, his eyes crinkling at the corners while slight embarrassment welled up inside him. “maybe it was the combination, maybe it was something else entirely.”

she stifled a laugh and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ears that were on fire. “well whatever reason, I'm glad that you're okay.” her tone was gentle and genuine, enough for him to lean in a little closer, his fingers absentmindedly tapping along the barricade.

“I think that it was fate’s way of getting my attention,” he prompted and noelle's lips parted, her eyes playfully rolling. “and now that I have it, I think I should conduct a study of my own.”

he was freakishly good at this. every word that left his mouth made her question herself. “oh, really? I'm listening.”

he looked up at the sky for a moment. “the psychology of the perfect distraction.”

her cheeks burned, but she couldn't tear her gaze away from his. not when this was a thrill that she wasn't about to give up. “and how do you want to go about that? any references in mind?”

he nodded eagerly, proud smile on his face to know that he wasn't shooting himself in the foot with whatever the hell he was doing right now. it wasn't even planned. he just wanted to say hi. not profess his undying love!

“there's this coffee-addicted, fifa-regulation-quoting-genuis that is exactly what I'm looking for.”

“and what makes you think this genuis would be interested in your research?”

for the first time in however long this conversation was going on for, jamal felt his smile falter before he managed to recover it. “well, I'm willing to take the risk. and besides,” he shrugged. “I think she's already interested.”

naturally she asked what made him think that. because she wanted to know what her behaviour looked like from his perspective, granted that he was talking about her right now. if not, then she was screwed and was about to live with a life time of embarrassment and another reason to not leave her house.

a sigh left jamal's lips, one that seemed more dazed than exhausted. “the way that she smiles when I talk about fifa regulations.”

she couldn't hold it in anymore, her laughter practically burst from her chest in relief to the point where she was doubled over and clutching her stomach. she tried to calm herself down but whenever she took a breath to look at jamal she found herself laughing again, leaving him there to hold back his own to admire her.

she sit up and fanned her already burning face, taking a moment to wipe the tears that managed to escape. “I think you're already an expert in distraction.”

he raised his hands in defence. “guilty as charged.”

unfortunately their banter was disturbed. “musiala, water break is over!”

with a sigh he turned to noelle and shot her one last smile. “duty calls, but I'll see you tomorrow?”

she nodded slowly, but bit her tongue for a moment, rethinking her original answer. “I think I can arrange that research meeting by the way, at a price of course.”

his intrigue that died down seconds ago was back and jamal found himself looking at her like a lost puppy. “oh?”

her lips parted to say something but was drowned out by someone calling his name again which he dismissed immediately. “leroy, can you shut up for a minute please! I'm right here!” he turned back to noelle. “I'm listening.”

“I need a goal from you tomorrow, just for fun,” she stated with a shrug and he hummed in response, more than happy with the request.

“deal,” he said almost instantly but noelle felt like carrying on her teasing, eager to test his limits.

she held out her hand, watching as his confused gaze travelled to it. nonetheless, he leant his arm over the barricade, enough that she was able to get hold of his hand to which she gently held his wrist and lightly tapped the inside of it thrice.

“what?” he looked up at her.

“I just cursed you,” she said through a smile, his expression dropping instantly. when she was done with her joke she went on to explain to him that it was a simple gesture to lock a promise.

it was something stupid she made up a when she was younger, and often did with carmen before she became the epitome of her worst nightmare.

as he jogged back onto the field, the post convention clarity hit noelle like a truck. immediate regret bubbled in her stomach but she couldn't even dwell ob her stupidy long enough before sophia and aaliyah were at her sides, nagging on her head about the encounter.

they weren't satisfied with a simple, “we just talked.”

aaliyah shook her head, calling out her bluff and blatant lie. “you didn't see what we saw! you were smiling like crazy, shut up, noelle you even giggled!”

“ew, as if!”

when they got back home, noelle was the first to head to her room saying that she was exhausted. and naturally the girls decided to not press the situation and let her be, making sure to call her down for supper and then she was back in her room.

noelle sank into the bed, surrounded be the quaint floral patterns and photographs in the room. the soft glow of the bedside lamp cast eerie shadows on the walls, mirroring her inner turmoil.

as she lay there, the silence was oppressive, punctuated only by the distant hum of crickets and the occasional creek of the old wooden floorboards. sophia and aaliyah's excited whispers still lingered in her mind, but now they were replaced by her own taunting doubts.

her thoughts swirled like a maelstrom, threatening to pull her under. she knew herself, she knew her fears like the back of her hand. she knew all too well that intimacy was something that she preferred to steer clear from, there was nothing worth being vulnerable and losing someone. she's seen it first hand with her parents.

noelle was young but she wasn't stupid, and seeing her father leave the house in the middle of the night only to return hours later without explanation was enough of a tell tale. she was 8 when she picked up her father's phone for the first time, the distant rising annoying her as she proceeded to colour in, in the living room.

it was silent, she didn't want to say anything yet because she wasn't sure who was calling. until the unfamiliar female voice echoed through the speaker. “adrian, sweetheart are you there?”

from that day onward, noelle was unable to look at her father the same. she had to witness her mother suffer through the deceit and self doubt, the crying and the anger filled words. she was there.

the darkness outside seemed to seep into her room, shrouding her in an unsettling uncertainty. noelle's heart raced, her palms growing slick with sweat.

intimacy terrified her. the thought of vulnerability, of exposing herself, made her want to retreat into the comfort of her solitude.

but jamal's playful words lingered, and his smile was etched into her mind. he didn't what he was getting himself into, and that guilt settled into her stomach. he was trying, he was genuine and she was a coward.

noelle's eyelids grew heavy, but her mind refused to quiet. fear and self doubt wrestled with the fragile spark of hope.

they weren't doing much the following day besides getting on the train to stuttgart early that morning for the match. it gave noelle time to sleep seeing as she was up the entire night. sophia and aaliyah carried on as per normal, aaliyah holding on extra tight to noelle at her side.

as the train rumbled towards frankfurt, noelle's exhaustion weighed her down like an anchor. her eyes felt gritty, her mind foggy from the sleepless night.

when she woke up, aaliyah noticed her friend's subdued demeanour and squeezed her hand reassuringly. “hey, you okay?”

noelle forced a smile. “yeah, just tired.” but aaliyah's knowing glance suggested that she could see past her facade.

the train’s din and the girls chatter receded into the background as noelle leant her head on the window, her gaze drifting through the german countryside that was being overshadowed by darker clouds.

every so often her heart would skip a beat at the thought of the footballer. she just couldn't shake off the feeling that she was sabotaging something before it even began. but this isn't what she needed at the moment, instead she needed to shake off all that negativity and enjoy the evening.

when the train stopped she took one last final breath and prepared herself for whatever the evening threw at her, because at least she wasn't alone.

to no ones surprise, aaliyah sensed her tension and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “babe, relax. it's just a match,” she whispered as they took their seats, the roar of the crowd drowning out her thoughts.

but it was more than just a match. for noelle, this was a direct confrontation with her own fears, her own doubts. and he was standing there on the pitch underneath the stadium lights, taking his teammates hands before getting into position.

noelle's gaze involuntarily drifted drifted to jamal, his confident stride and assured smile making her heart stutter. the flutter in her chest was undeniable, and she hated herself for it.

aaliyah's grip on her shoulder tightened, a gentle reminder that she was going to be okay. sophia, oblivious to the inner turmoil, chattered and took pictures of the stadium.

as the game commenced, her attention wavered between the action in the pitch and jamal's dynamic movements. every time he touched the ball, her pace quickened. his sudden sprint down the wing, ball at his feet brought noelle back to reality.

her brows furrowed as she scowered the pitch. “the weather is actually clearing up,” she got hums of confirmation at the question and cuddled futher into aaliyah's side, the crisp air hitting noelle's bare face, the sun starting to peak through the canopy of clouds.

nothing much had happened, but the stadium's atmosphere was intense yet inviting. the supporters were singing and cheering, their attitude and excitement giving the players the much needed energy.

as the 22nd minute ticked by, jamal's sudden sprint down the wing brought noelle to the edge of her seat. she wondered if he remember what they talked about the day before— if it was even the slightest bit significant to him.

her brows furrowed, her eyes scoured the pitch as the supporters waited in anticipation. then in a flash of brilliance, he struck the ball— and it curled into the top corner of the net, a work of art.

noelle's world exploded in a riot of colour and sound, her friends’ screams of excitement deafening her more than the others. naturally, she leapt to her feet her voice lost in the cacophony of cheers.

aaliyah's arms enveloped her, holding her steady as the stadium swirled around them. for a fleeting moment, jamal's gaze locked onto hers, a spark that left her breathless. he remembered.

“noelle, did you see that?” sophia screamed, her voice piercing but noelle’s attention remained on jamal, his triumphant smile illuminating the pitch.

and then in a subtle gesture, he tapped his wrist thrice, eyes locking onto hers. noelle's breath caught. it was a joke, asking him to score was a joke. but the fact that he remembered was what had her breathless.

when the game was over, the final whistle blew at 2-0 to germany. a successful win that blurred noelle's doubts and turmoil for a moment, a reminder to focus on the little things and let go for a bit.

they found themselves on the pitch again under the summer heat, congratulating the team and taking the necessary pictures. it was good until jamal came up to her, his hand out for a fist bump that she was more than happy to accept as a token of gratitude.

their “research task” was brought up obviously, and it was going to take place at the cinema, seeing as spiderman: across the spiderman released a week ago back at the cinema in herzogenaurach.

but before they could exchange another word, aaliyah burst in. "spiderman across the spiderverse? that's a great idea, jamal!"

sophia chimed in, “that sounds like a fun group outing.”

jamal's gaze drifted from noelle to the growing group, his smile forced. noelle's heart sank, sensing jamal's dismay. was he that keen on having a few with her alone? the joke was implied, but once again she was left confused.

aaliyah, oblivious to the tension, continued planning. she had already talked to florian about booking the vip cinema, naturally to avoid interruption from the public and media.

jamal's eyes met noelle's, searching for clarification. her apologetic shrug barely eased his slight disappointment and waned excitement, leaving him wondering if he'd misread the signals. the spiderman marathon, once a covert date, now felt like a group outing.

“this research task just got a lot more…” he sighed, his attention on his friends who were excitedly planning the outing, noelle laughing along with them. “...inclusive.”

“all I remember is the handshake,” florian said with his brows furrowed, and noelle immediately burst into laughter at his mistake at referencing the wrong movie.

he looked at her with a look of disgust and aaliyah gently pat his back. “wrong movie, babe.”

[butchpeace]

Pelvic Floor Health for Detrans Women

A disclaimer before we start: I am not a doctor, a PT, or an expert of any kind, I just noticed there was a lack of information about pelvic floor health in the detrans (and trans) communities and I wanted to compile the information that I’ve gained. If there are any issues or you have any wisdom to share, please DM me! I plan to add to this post and edit it over time as I learn more.

95% of females who have been on testosterone report pelvic health issues, which can include urinary leakage or retention, bladder pain, difficulty emptying the bladder, general pelvic pain, pain with sex, vaginal dryness, vaginal atrophy, vaginismus, anal issues, and more. (Source)

Here’s a discussion with a pelvic floor expert on the issues faced by females who have been on testosterone.

If you’ve experienced any of these problems, you’re not alone, and there are things you can do!

Vaginal Atrophy

The vast majority of detransitioning women (and females who are transitioning) have vaginal atrophy, which is a thinning and weakening of the tissues that line the vaginal wall. Atrophy can lead to pain during sex, or with regular movement, bleeding due to small tears in the vaginal lining, narrowing of the vaginal canal, urinary issues, and more.

Because testosterone affects our ovaries, we can think of this issue as something similar to GSM (Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause). Many of our symptoms mirror what happens to women as they age and their estrogen production decreases.

Treatments for Atrophy

1. Vaginal estrogen comes in the form of creams, suppositories, and insertable rings.

2. Vitamin E suppositories have been found to be as effective as vaginal estrogen in some studies. (Source)

3. Sea Buckthorn oil capsules have been shown to be effective in vaginal health. (Source)

4. Regular sexual activity can help by filling the vaginal wall tissues with blood, which can help to revitalize those tissues.

There are also many options for dryness, including vaginal moisturizers, aloe, coconut oil, and more. Sometimes the simplest natural options can be the most effective! Always talk to your gynecologist and do your own research on products you’re considering buying and make sure the ingredients are safe. Some people may experience yeast infections and other issues when using certain products.

Vaginal atrophy itself is to blame in many cases for the urinary symptoms that many of us report, and treating the atrophy may be all that’s needed in order to improve the urinary symptoms.

In other cases, we also need to look at overall pelvic floor health. I would argue that taking care of your pelvic floor is essential for any woman at any stage of life, since it can help with so many things!

Pelvic Floor Muscle Issues

Pelvic floor health issues can be divided into 2 types - Hypotonicity and Hypertonicity. Both types can lead to bladder issues, among other things.

Hypotonicity is the classic type many women experience after having children or during menopause. It’s also described as having a weak pelvic floor, and kegels are often the best treatment. The YouTube playlist at the end of this post includes videos for beginner and advanced kegel exercise methods and yoga.

Hypertonicity is the opposite type, where the pelvic muscles are chronically tight. For this, the treatment is to use muscle release methods to relax the pelvic floor. Remember - Relaxed muscles are the best at doing their job.

Anxiety can also be a factor in hypertonicity! If you’re often anxious, get used to checking how that feels in your pelvic floor. Many young women experience bladder leakage or discomfort, feeling like you have to go when you don’t, or pain with sexual activity, due to anxiety which causes overly tight muscles.

You wouldn’t think at first that Hypertonicity could lead to urinary symptoms like leakage, but when your muscles are overly tight, they just don’t work the way they should.

Sitting a lot and generally not getting much exercise also causes muscles in the pelvic floor, hips, and hamstrings to tighten and become shorter, so stretching these areas is very helpful.

And when you have a urinary issue, or you’re dealing with the aftermath of childbirth, surgery, or any other medical trauma to the pelvic floor, there can be a tendency to reflexively tighten your muscles all the time, for fear of what might happen if you don’t. Some people with hypertonicity also experience their symptoms getting worse if they do a lot of kegel exercise. In these situations, kegels can become counterintuitive.

That said, using methods to address both types can be the best option for some people. As long as you listen to your body, keep track of how each method makes you feel, and talk with a doctor or pelvic floor PT if you have serious concerns or don’t understand how to do something, you should be able to figure out something that will help!

Vaginismus is also a very common condition that’s connected to hypertonicity and potential mental causes. You’ll know you have Vaginismus if you’ve always had trouble inserting things into your vagina, or if your partner has had trouble with it. Many women describe it as a sensation of the vagina closing up when faced with something trying to get in. You may find that at certain times or with certain objects, you have no problem, and at other times or with other objects, you do. Stretches and massages for hypertonicity can often help with Vaginismus.

Prolapse is a relatively common issue in women who have had kids and older women in menopause. This can also cause urinary symptoms. The incidence of pelvic floor prolapse in females on testosterone is not known, but due to atrophy weakening the walls of the vagina, it’s possible that testosterone will increase your risk. It’s also more common in people who have had a hysterectomy.

Tools

1. Vaginal dilators can be helpful for people who have trouble with Vaginismus or feel like their vagina is small. These are also helpful for people who have difficulty inserting fingers

2. A pelvic wand or vibrator can help you with massage to loosen muscles, if needed

4. Kegel trainers come in various types and can help you perform kegels more effectively if you know that your issue is hypotoniticy

5. Pessaries can help in cases where atrophy has led to pelvic floor prolapse. Make sure you get diagnosed before using one!

6. Your hands! Don’t underestimate the power of using your hands for external or internal massage

The biggest thing to take away from this post is this - Don’t be afraid of your vagina or pelvic floor! Don’t be afraid to try things that may help you improve whatever issues you’re having.

Your vagina is a normal part of your body, and especially when you’re experiencing issues, that’s when it’s time to really learn about it and understand what’s going on. If you’re anything like me, you’ve gone your whole life being too afraid or too uninformed to do certain things or explore your body in certain ways. We need to reduce the fear, stigma, and awkwardness of vaginal and pelvic floor issues, and the first step is to get to know your body. 💪

Exercises

I’ve put together a playlist of YouTube videos that have helped me in this process, which I will continue to add to. I hope they help you too!

And again, please DM me with any information you think is helpful or stories about what worked for you.

And if you’re a medical professional, I would love for you to review this post and suggest edits or additions.

Please share this with all your friends! My intention is for this to be a community resource we can use to spread awareness✌🏼

[aesethewitch]

#OcculTea Masterpost

Earlier this year, witches took to social media (mostly YouTube and Instagram, from what I can see) to talk about witchcraft in the social media landscape: community, influencers, grifting, impact, imposter syndrome, and more. They did this as part of the hashtag “#OcculTea” in a call to the community of internet creators to come forward and talk about their experiences. The tag was started by Ella Harrison, the Red Headed Witch, and the Polish Folk Witch to generate really important conversations across various social media sites.

The Polish Folk Witch actually created a playlist full of videos from witchcraft creators, which you can take a look at here if you’d like to watch a few.

I’ve spent quite a bit of time watching videos from various creators with their responses, and it got me thinking about how I’d answer those same questions. Our formats are different, and our internet niches are different, so our perspectives on the same topics are obviously different. So, here we are: I’m bringing #OcculTea to Tumblr! (I’m not the first; a handful of others have answered the same questions in the #OcculTea tag, and you should check them out!)

If you want to take part in this tag, please do! I’m not directly tagging anyone, so there’s no pressure. The list of questions can be found here. If you make a post, tag it as #OcculTea! I’m following the tag, and I want to see everyone’s responses. (:

Now, without further ado, here is the list of post links, organized by category:

Introduction & Topic 1: Impact on Community

Topic 2: Influencer Authenticity

Topic 3: Imposter Syndrome and FOMO

Topic 4: Capitalizing Off Community

Conclusions

This was fun to put together! I won’t directly tag anyone to respond with their own answers, because… well, this has been a beast of a project that’s taken several days to type out and more to edit. But if you’re a witchy content creator here on Tumblr, please feel free to check out the list of questions and post your own answers!

Replies, reblogs, and asks on any or all of the topics covered in this post series are very much welcome.

(And if you did enjoy this series or my other work, consider tipping me over on Ko-Fi! Thanks!)

[dawnoftime22]

for the loss of my life.

| W.M -> N.R

Undeserving of a Love Like Yours, Chapter 11

Chapter Warnings: One swear word, overthinking.

Summary: Making yourself at home with someone else's heart but holding no communications of the love clear between you two, has a chance for consequences to happen. What will the outcome be if you speak up about it?

Series Summary: When you're stuck in a complete hole of confusion and hurt with the one you thought you loved most, a certain redhead finds her way into your life.

Word Count: 3.3k

Category: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

A/N: I hope you're all taking care of yourselves <3

Series Playlist

| Started on 07/05/2024, 2:02 PM |

| Finished on 11/05/2024, 10:53 PM |

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | N.R Masterlist

<- Chapter 10 Final Chapter ->

"Run yourself in a circle, bury yourself a deeper hole, but it won't end unless you stop and take control."

Started with a kiss, oh, we must stop meeting like this!

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

It was an early day at Nat's place. You were hanging out in her room, taking a look through physical photos she's taken that had been retrieved from a dusty box, sitting under her bed, along with some cassettes.

Meanwhile, she was going through the photos on her digital camera and clearing some accidental takes. her lips raises up when sees the photo you had taken of her, the day you first came over to her apartment. She didn't ever delete the picture.

"Hey, you have any batteries?" You ask, gently breaking the comforting quietness that had overcome the two of you. She looks up, taking her gaze off the camera screen.

"Yeah, there should be some in the top drawer." She nods towards her chestdrawer, and you get up, going off to open the top one, inside holding a small pack of batteries.

You grab two, then slide them into the battery slot for the cassette player, making sure it was properly inside before closing it and turning back to her.

Her eyes watch you as you picked up a cassette tape, placing it inside to play it. You already had your headphones on your head and connected to the output.

With some faith and a miracle, the player works after you heard some white noise. You hoped it'll last that way.

Nat tilted her head, and peeks to see the wheels of the player spinning, a clear indication it was working. When you turn up the volume a little, she could hear the music coming out from the old headphones she kept.

Thank everything the dust hadn't gotten into the box. Although there was a dead black spider within it just earlier and you had jumped when you saw it. She took care of it though, after also making sure there wasn't anything else, especially things such as...spider eggs.

You nod your head to the music as you sat back down on the bed, your hand going back through the photos scattered in a pile atop each other and every now and then petting Liho, beside you. It was all indeed scenery, and no portraits, selfies, or even people at all.

A specific one that was a bright glow of a sunset with water reflecting its own beauty had caught your attention, your eyes focused on it before your hand reached out.

"This one's pretty," you said, holding it up before leaning closer to Nat and tilting it to show it to her. She looked at it, and her eyebrows raised.

"Oh, I took that one a while after I saw the orca." She pointed out, and you realize how familiar it did look. The grass below, the rocks just ahead. It was the same spot as the pictures and videos she had showed you before. You guessed she wanted a physical memory of it too.

"There should be a picture of the orca here somewhere, but I think the film got a leak..." She murmured with a tinge of sadness as her hand ruffled through the pictures slightly, some with dates on them and some having nothing.

"I love that you waited for the sunset," you said, still staring at the shot she took in your hand. The sun was a bright orange, nearly similar in color as her hair.

"Well, the view was too pretty not to." She looked at you. You were also too adorable for her to not further fall in love with you as she saw you admiring the photos she took. That's what she thought, but it was never said out loud.

Liho, was laying down and purring between the two of you. She was quiet, and unmoving, too comfortable to do anything else but sit with the two people she liked the most.

When Nat's eyes went down to the pictures closer to your crossed legs, she spots the photo that had the orca, although just barely visible through the orange light leak that covered nearly the entire photo.

"Here it is," she said, her hand carefully taking ahold of it to give to you. You gently grabbed it, rotating it when you realize she gave it to you in the opposite way.

You raised your eyebrows, taking in the picture. It took a few seconds, with some squinting, but you soon see the orca jumping from the water, although small. "I think it looks prettier with the light leak."

She hums, taking another look to the picture in your hand. You smiled softly, and her eyes flickered up to your lips for a small moment before she turns back to her camera.

You notice the way she goes back to her camera, almost as if she was distracting herself, but you hadn't seen the flicker in her eyes. Tilting your head, you check the cassette player for a bit before looking up at her.

"You wanna listen?" You asked with a soft gaze, taking off the headphones on your head and holding it out to her.

She raised an eyebrow, but took it from you, putting it on. "Sure." the music was already flowing through her ears. 'American Pie'. She remembered this album. It was what she had listened to whenever she was alone, in the car peacefully. But it was different with the headphones-- capturing more details she hadn't noticed. Or, maybe, she just hasn't listened to it in a while and had forgotten.

You smiled as you see her involuntarily moving her head to the song, her attention going to inspect the cassette player, either watching the wheels turning or putting the volume up.

Soon after, you finish looking at every photo and get out of bed, deciding to walk towards the bathroom, but was too close to the bed, causing you to accidentally hit your hand against the wooden bedframe, it making a loud sound echo through the room.

"Ow, fuck!" You winced and cursed, grimacing at the pain. Both Nat and Liho looks at you, shocked. You were focused on your stinging hand though, shaking the pain away. It took everything in you to not crumple up like a shrimp to the floor.

"Are you okay?" she asks quickly, her eyes filling with concern. But you nod repetitively, unwilling to admit it still hurt. Your other hand was firmly gripping your wrist, as if it would help.

"I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine!" you say, most probably trying to convince yourself, too. She lets out a small laugh when she sees you wave her off and struggle as you moved to take a step forward.

"Sure you are. Come here." She says quietly, but you still heard her. You purse your lips and your eyes travel to her, but you follow nonetheless, two pair of eyes watching you.

"Which hand?" She asked gently, looking at your hands. You hesitate for a moment, but stepped closer, holding it out.

"Right." She grabs your hand and rubs her thumb on the skin slightly to where you held it, knowing thats where the pain is. She blows a little, as if you would magically take pain away from a child.

"There. Better." She says, and a red tint goes over your face. The redhead cheekily smiles. Just when she was about to pull her hand away from yours, the cat sitting in her lap had been looking at you two the whole time, and it decides to lean up, going up to your hand.

Both you and Nat watch curiously as to what it was doing. Liho's yellow eyes were focused before a paw gently lands on your wrist, her face going closer to lick on your skin, making the pain slowly go away even more. You chuckled, both at getting your skin tickled and the fact the cat tried to help ease the pain.

Then you see Nat's eyes travel to her cassette player, concern growing in her face as she heard some warbly music. She takes off the headphones, feeling uneasy at the sound.

"I think it's breaking." She said, looking at the headphones in her hands that you now heard the messed up music from. Pulling your hand away from the cat's face, your eyebrows furrowed as your attention moved to her.

"Why, what happened?" You check on the cassette player, seeing that it was slowing down or speeding up, changing its pace however much it wants.

Nat stops the player with a click and hands both items back to you. The feel of her skin brushing with yours glided over for a mere second, but you try to focus on the player in your hand. Changing its batteries after taking the tape out, rewinding or fast forwarding a bit. But nothing other than a broken noise.

You sighed softly, knowing you'll need to open it up to check its insides. "It probably needs a new belt..." You murmured, turning around while Nat blinked at you and tilted her head, probably unfamiliar with the workings of a portable player.

"It's what makes the wheels spin. I'll search for one," you explained, then left the player on the chestdrawer to deal with later before storing the tape and sitting down on the bed once more, helping her sort the pictures. Nat nods, leaning closer to show you some things on her digital camera.

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

It was one of the many times once again, you were sitting in Natasha's apartment, and it was the beginning of something you were starting to get lost in.

The city bustles. Sounds of car tires, motorcycles revving, a nearby cat somewhere in an alleyway, and most of all, the birds chirping in the skies.

The wind was gentle as it glided against your skin, the chair you were sat in being a wooden one. You should get up from it. It was starting to make your body sore. But you couldn't help but stay, the balcony being peaceful.

Every thought in your head floated on by, with some sticking, being nothing but damaging. You still haven't gotten a belt yet for the cassette player. Kate's been just here and there, keeping a natural presence in your life. You haven't seen Wanda at all since. But your mind questioned if she was still waiting on you, lost too, or had moved on after your rejection.

A sigh leaves your mouth. To put a pause on all of it for however long you'd want would make you be able to relieve your body of any exhaustion it held. But would it really? Perhaps for a moment. Moving forward would have you release the things from before and have the opportunities to experience things in a better way.

And what about Nat...? You've been growing close, closer to going over the line you weren't sure you were ready to cross. And it seems like she wasn't either. The many touches you've shared, the months and months that held the many times you've visited her. And the kiss that you couldn't shake off...were you actually falling in love with her?

You shook your head, not wanting to even think about it. But you should. The longer you leave it be the more it could lead to torment and perhaps worser consequences. Problems don't fix themselves...most of the time.

Suddenly, you feel arms go around your waist, and you take a breath in, gasping softly in surprise, then turning your head to look behind you. The familiar touch was recognized soon enough, but seeing the redhead you cherished dearly makes you relax and lean back into her.

"I'm home." She said, resting her head on your shoulder as she gazed at you from behind, looking adorable. How can you not absolutely fall for this woman? You smiled softly, feeling your heart grow a little lighter, now that you weren't alone.

"Hi," you whispered, your hand gliding to your front to put over hers that was still on your waist. You hesitated on your next words, but the connection you felt with her urged you to. "I missed you."

Her eyes went to yours, but she didn't question it, replying back quietly, "I've missed you, too, любов." There it was again. You weren't imagining things when you had gotten drunk just a few days ago.

Wanda always said things in Russian, such as малыш (baby), but you've never heard of that word. Or maybe it wasn't Russian at all, and you were mixing up languages, but the accent made it lean towards being so.

You were going to ask her what it meant, but she spoke first. "You been okay?" She asks, her hands slipping off your waist as she pulls herself away from you and stood beside your standing figure. You watched her, seeing her gaze off to the view you've been staring off at the past hour.

"Yeah...I..." The words utter from your mouth quietly, then you licked your dry lips, diverting your own gaze. Should you tell her about the encounter you had a few days ago?

There was no harm in it, but your fingers fiddle with your pocket, the jean fabric rough against your skin before you slid your hand in the pockets. A sound of an ambulance siren sounded out distantly from the city, and you wait until it fades further away before talking.

"I saw Wanda a few days ago," You said, within a breath that could be counted as a sigh. At the mention of your ex's name, her eyes flash with surprise for a moment as she looks back to you, but she regains her composure fast enough.

Nat's head goes through her own thoughts, wondering if you meant intentionally or accidentally. Surely, accidentally. Or she hoped so. Why was she hoping so? She didn't know. Maybe simply because she was worried you'd fall into a dark hole, and not because her own heart was aiming for you...surely.

"Anything happen?" She asks, her eyebrows furrowing in concern. The redhead also leaned on the balcony rails beside you, feeling the gentle wind. The sun was falling down, so the skies were colored with gentle hues of orange and purple.

You didn't say anything back for just a few seconds, staying quiet as you were lost in decision, your eyes focused on a space elsewhere that wasn't her own eyes. Her face soften when she notices, and her voice was somehow gentler. "...That you're comfortable of sharing?"

Your lips raise up in the smallest smile for a moment, the swell in your heart obvious due to her thought to care in such a way. But the smile slowly fades as you remembered the memory.

"She wanted to get back together..." You start. Already, Nat raised a brow, a frown on her face. The metal rails of the balcony was cold on your skin when you stepped forward to lean against it.

Your shoulders were tense. When you realized they were, you let them relax and fall down just slightly with a quiet breath. "I didn't want to though." You whispered.

"I just can't get it out of my head." She didn't really know what to say to anything of it, afraid to touch on the sensitive subject. For you, it did some small damage, your head possibly going overboard with its roaming thoughts.

You can tell she had hesitancy to respond, but you didn't mind. Who could ever come up with a reply to that anyway? But Nat was kind, that was for sure. She just has some walls you just can't yet break through. Yet, how caring she's been, and gentle...you almost couldn't help but feel you're not half as decent as her.

You inhaled. "...What if she was just too good for me?" The words were under your breath, your gaze distant as you watch the city lights turning on with the growing darkness of the skies. The shops had a glow to them, almost alluringly.

"What if I don't deserve any of it?" Your hands gently gripped the metal it was against, but it slowly loosened when you feel the cold going too much against your skin. Nat's breath gets caught in her throat at your sentence, and she kept her eyes on you.

"What do you mean?" She asked, her voice gentle as her concern grew. She knew exactly what you meant, but she hoped she just imagined it. You turned to look at her, worry deep in your eyes that had her heart clenching.

"This. You...anything good in my life." Your volume lowered to a slight murmur, your hands going to run down your face when you rested your elbows further on the rails.

"I mean-- I've...done some good things but so...many horrible things." You said slowly, and she analyzed your movements and words. She knows it herself. She's accused herself of such a thing too, having gone through the same thing your mind is going through.

"Y/N." When she says your name with a serious tone, everything stops, as if the world freezes along with your mind, and only she was the living thing beside you. She had put one of her hands on your shoulder nearest to her, making you look at her again.

"You deserve everything. Please, don't think any less." She shook her head lightly, honesty in her eyes. Your heart stutters at her words as you swallowed a lump in your throat.

"She didn't..." she trails off, thinking her words carefully. She was going to say Wanda didn't deserve such a love like yours, but it simply sounded...wrong.

"You deserve a love that makes you happy and...makes your world feel like sunshine or just...takes the weight off your shoulders after a long day." The redhead explained slowly, making sure you were hearing her. Really, she was speaking a description of you. Even if she wasn't trying.

She had gotten home, saw you in her apartment, and any heaviness in her body had lightened, even if just slightly, your presence did a great deal.

Nat took a moment, gathering her words. "And if you're not enough for her, then she's not enough for you," she gently added, but anxiety was creeping in her heart.

You processed her words, your heart surprisingly steady, but that may be the cause of her very own calm presence beside you. At least, on the outside. She was right. The situation of the brunette was basically done and over with. You had to focus on yourself. But now stood the question right next to you.

"...And what are we?" You asked slowly and quietly, looking up at her. Your eyes met her green ones, the ones that look like a forest, but inviting, soft, as if they'd keep you safe.

She searches your pupils, taking a deep breath as her eyebrows furrowed, trying to think it over. Her mouth opened to speak, but she only ended up taking another breath in.

"I don't know." She whispers. Sounds of birds were heard flying over in the distance. She was right there. She was so close. But she couldn't say it. Not yet, not just yet. The light and hope in your eyes dimmed, a breath slowly and quietly exhaling out your lips.

"Well, it's getting late," you said. You weren't really disappointed, more so just...sad. You pushed yourself back from the rails. She saw the words that was coming next, but she almost didn't want to hear it.

"I should...probably get back to my place." You whispered under your breath, turning around to face the entrance of the balcony, where you could see her familiar furnished apartment. She nods.

Steps were taken, shots in the dark had gone, the only thing left was to sit and think. But you were getting bored of doing such a thing. Just as you stepped a single foot inside again, she turns her body calmly.

"Text me," she said suddenly, her eyes hesitantly traveling to yours. You stopped in your tracks and looked at her from over your shoulder, a somber look in your eyes she could just barely make out.

"...When you get back home," she continued, her voice quiet, but it held care. Your shoulders went down. Your home was her, where her heart was. There was something else, but you couldn't quite reach to whatever it was.

"I will." The words left your mouth softly, but it seems no tears had pricked your eyes at all. Maybe it was because you couldn't seem to form any at all anymore, or was it the fact she even cared to know you arrived home safely?

Your steps were quiet as you went out the apartment, Liho meowing softly before you closed the door. You don't want her like a best friend. Or just someone you could love without anything connected. You wanted more.

And you wondered if she thought the same.

end of chapter 11. <3

Series Masterlist <- Chapter 10 Final Chapter ->

to mend a broken heart is to restart.

"I don't truly deserve a love like yours." W.M

"She doesn't deserve a love like yours." N.R

"What if I...don't deserve anyone's love?" R.

------------------------

taglist <3 - join here! :]

@ludasgf @lovelyy-moonlight @red1culous @slutforabbyanderson @fxckmiup @dmenby3100 @animealways @may-z3 @natashasilverfox @wandsmxmff @tia-thesimp @marvelwomen-simp @natsbiggestfan1 @fawnedolly @blacklightsposts @canvascoloredin @autorasexy @taliiiaasteria @wandanatlov3r @glorioushamsterqueen @shaniaauld03 @yvungmxshroom

[wisdom-devotee]

What is working with Odysseus like? Has anything changed with the reamergance of epic the musical; does he enjoy it or find it a bit odd?

I havent seen anyone worshipping him, and I'm curious lol

Hi! Thanks for the question!

I can’t say if anything’s specifically changed with him post-epic since I only started worshipping him after it already existed. I do think it has influenced more people to worship him. I was a Hellenic Polytheist before I got into EPIC but I didn’t worship Odysseus specifically at that point.

I think he does like it! I have a couple of EPIC songs in my devotional playlist to him, and other people I know who also worship him have said he seems to like it and finds our reactions to the new sagas and such to be entertaining/amusing, which I think is pretty accurate to my own experience too.

Of course for people who worship/plan to worship Odysseus I do strongly recommend reading at least the Odyssey, if not the Iliad as well. EPIC is great but it’s largely inaccurate (and that’s okay! It’s not trying to be the exact same!) and I haven’t gotten to read the Odyssey yet but I’m making my way through the Iliad. So you don’t need to necessarily wait but you should plan to read it. It could even be a devotional act!

But yeah, overall I think he enjoys EPIC and doesn’t, as far as I can tell, have any issues with it. Actually I think he also uses it to communicate with us sometimes because me and my sister were listening to EPIC on shuffle once and we were talking over it, but my sister was like ‘agh, my knee..’ and then the lyric in mutiny where Odysseus says “agh, my head..” played. I can’t tell if he’s trying to be like ‘yes I understand your pain. Solidarity.’ Or if he’s trying to make fun of us, but either way, we loved that

[queer-ragnelle]

hello..👋👋

as someone who wants to get into arthurian legends.. where do you think I should start? is there a precise canon to follow? oh and.. this might be a stupid question but.. how would you describe guinevere's and lancelot's relationship...? i personally really like them because of what I've heard online, but i got shamed for liking it a while ago from people who really hated guinevere and said gawain or galehaut(not sure if i spelled it right) would be better for lancelot..

Hello anon!

I have a Beginner’s Guide to Medieval Arthuriana pinned on my blog. There’s no precise canon to follow, but you’ll get the most bang for your buck reading the works of Chrétien de Troyes and the Vulgate Cycle. Much of what Chrétien developed ended up in the Vulgate, like Lancelot rescuing Guinevere from kidnapping, but there are more elements added from other stories, such as Lancelot’s upbringing in the lake which originated from Lanzelet by Ulrich von Zatzikoven. On the other hand, Yvain’s journey as Knight with the Lion doesn’t make it into the Vulgate, so that’s worth reading on its own.

Regarding the part about people shaming you: block them if you haven’t already and anyone else who does so in future. I’m terribly sorry those people were unwelcoming as you begin to read and learn about Arthurian Legend. Let that not reflect on the community as a whole—there’s many lovely people here that’ll be happy to help you along. I hope you’re able to cultivate a positive online experience to the best of your ability and start enjoying the legends with us! :^D

But back to the fun stuff—I also really like Guinevere/Lancelot! My favorite dynamic is when Arthur is included too, but Guin is my number one pick for Lancey. ;^) It’s hard to describe them in so few words but I think it’s important to establish that they’re friends. This is an oft overlooked aspect that really deserves attention. They care for each other deeply. She helps him out of his madness and he helps her out of danger. This is something Arthur couldn’t do for either of them, much as he wanted to. That’s what makes the pair special, to me.

As for shipping wars about medieval characters….kinda ridiculous! And shaming other people over it is just abhorrent. I’m sorry you had to deal with that! Personally I enjoy Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot and Galehaut/Lancelot. I think it’s obvious I favor Gawain with his wife Ragnelle lol but Gawain/Lancelot is fine too. Gawain can have a little Lancelot. As a treat. I even enjoy “crackship” type pairings, like Bedivere/Lancelot or Kay/Lancelot or maybe a little [unrequited] Agravaine/Lancelot, and if the author or filmmaker chooses to write her in a positive light, Elaine/Lancelot as well. But that’s just it—there’s certainly no such thing as a “better” person(s) to couple with Lancelot. It’s literally fake. It’s fiction. It’s for fun! Doesn’t sound like the people you’ve encountered were having very much fun and put that on you, which was wrong.

Here I’d like to mention I run a discord server called the Arthurian Theater Server. Every weekend I stream TV shows and movies, mostly Arthurian, sometimes random fantasy. But it’s more than visual media—my friends and I share resources, character playlists, art we made, stories we wrote, we’ll liveblog retellings or newly discovered medlit translations, and discuss anything else Arthurian! We have custom made emojis for all the knights and ladies, a variety of original art stickers of the characters provided by several members, and an array of sounds bites ripped from films and TV for the soundboard to be played while streaming. Tumblr can be a little hard to navigate with the unreliable tag system, so this server is dedicated to an organized and moderated exchange of ideas and content. You’re welcome to join us!

Let me know if you have any other questions, it’s never a bother. Take care!

[alwayshappyhoursomewhere]

Kiss & Cry vol.50 Shoma Uno x Stéphane Lambiel Special Cross Interview An "I love you" to figure skating

Shoma Uno is facing the 2023-2024 season with the goal of "pursuing expression". What does "expression" really mean to him, and what does he have in mind beyond that? We spoke to Uno and his coach Stéphane Lambiel.

[T/N: italics denote narration, regular text direct quotes. Please do not repost the translation elsewhere.]

What the two of them think about 'expression'. Shoma Uno won consecutive World Championships. In the 2023-2024 season, which is themed around the pursuit of expressiveness, he performs the short program from the movie 'Everything Everywhere All at Once'" choreographed by his coach Stéphane Lambiel, and the free program "Timelapse" choreographed by Kenji Miyamoto. How does Uno feel about his improvement in expressive ability now that he is more than halfway through the season? And as a coach, how does Lambiel see him? We talked to them on the day after the NHK Trophy FS.

To Coach Lambiel, what made you decide to use this song in the short program?

Stéphane: The program is a combination of three pieces from the movie soundtrack. The song I used at the beginning was originally in my big playlist, but what made me decide to use it for the program was when I was on a plane and watched the movie. I enjoyed the music from the film, enjoyed the movement, thought 'this is interesting,' and felt inspired. I originally had an idea that 'it would be interesting if Shoma moved like this', by mixing music with a bit of spirit to match the smoothness of his skating. When I started choreographing, he moved just as I had envisioned. That's how the program was created.

Shoma: Stéphane's choreography is difficult every year, but I have the impression that this season's choreography is easy for my body to get used to. Even without practicing it that much, my body got used to it from the beginning.

Stéphane: He projects the world I imagined into reality.

Shoma: The free is more difficult than the short. The music is unique and difficult. Up until now, in the second half of the program there was a part where the music got more exciting, but since this is not the case here, I have to practice much more to make up for it.

In the interview after the short, you said that you admired Coach Lambiel as an expressive performer. What specific aspects would you like to incorporate?

Shoma: I don't have the skills to incorporate Stéphane's performance, so it would be impossible for me to do so. As a coach, Stéphane gives me advice, saying, 'You should do this more,' and 'I want you to move with this kind of image.' I want to take in his words and do my best to embody them within what I can do.

Stéphane: There is no doubt that Shoma is a skater who naturally excels at expression. I think of 'expression' in this way; it may be something you are born with, or it may be something you cultivate. Either way, it's some kind of 'language'. Whether it's through words, music, or movement, I believe that it's about having a desire to convey something to the other person, conveying one's inner feelings, it's a communication between the person giving the message and the person receiving it. Shoma has that, and more importantly, he has the strength to move forward with determination in whatever he decides to do.

Speaking about expression, coach Lambiel touched upon the NHK Trophy.

Stéphane: There's one thing that remained in my heart from this NHK Trophy. The moment Shoma finished his performance, he first looked at me. I felt he conveyed a feeling of wanting to ask, 'How was my performance?' At that moment, from the bottom of my heart, I felt honored to have a student like this. I also felt that he treats figure skating with honesty, purity, and love. Inside me, there is no doubt that he's a hero.

[T/N: in-text narration of the NHK performances] Coach Lambiel's eyes were filled with tears as he reminisced about the NHK Trophy, as if deep, uncontrollable emotions were coming forth. At the NHK Trophy, Uno showed stunning performances that drew the audience in both the short and free skates. He captivated the audience with the emotion in his expression, creating a world of stillness or tranquillity. A standing ovation was inevitable. This showed the improvement of his expressive power, which he had been striving for this season. In the free skate, however, since all four of his quadruple jumps were marked with a "Q",  indicating a 90 degree underrotation, he finished in second place overall. The judgment of underrotation, which was clearly unusual compared to the way jumps were judged in previous competitions, put a damper on that good performance. Coach Lambiel must have felt that Uno's performance was excellent, as shown by the long hug he gave him after the free skate, and he could not hold back his emotions at the judging.

This is what Uno said about it.

Shoma: It had been a short time since Cup of China, but I was able to show the results of my practice, and I thought Stéphane must have been happy, so I was myself very happy when I finished my performance. Now, seeing how depressed Stéphane got [at the score] makes me feel glad he is my coach. However, no matter how good a performance is, if it doesn't get a good score, it will be seen as a bad performance. That saddens me too, and it also hurts to see Stéphane being sad. I don't like to put on a facade when I'm talking in public, but I think that saying exactly what you think isn't always a good thing, and it can also make you enemies. But I've been living my life this way, and the people around me, first of all those here like Stéphane, Demi-san, and my manager, understand my efforts and what I really value, and I'm really happy that there are people who can be happy with me. Figure skating competitions are scored by people, so I don't think there's anyone at fault. Right now I just feel so lucky to have been blessed with the people around me.

The All Japan Championship 2023 will begin on December 20th.

Shoma: "I believe that my performance at the NHK Trophy was wonderful, so I want to continue to do this kind of performance in the future. Otherwise, wouldn't this performance be wasted? People only pay attention to my statements and my scores, and don't realize that it was a good performance. I think it would be a waste for it to end like that, so I hope to perform as well as I did this time at the Japanese Nationals."

Stéphane: He is a person who can realize what he sets his mind to. He will decide for himself which direction he wants to take in life, and I don't doubt that he can succeed. That's an unshakeable conviction for me."

That was a praise grounded in unconditional love.

[T/N: yes they really ended the article like that]

[pnutbutter-n-j-elyy]

Hi 👋 I hope you’re well. I’m reaching out with a heavy heart about Seunghan, who is enduring unfair treatment right now.

It’s been incredibly tough for all of us who care about him. We’re trying to gather support for a petition to bring him back, and your voice could truly make a difference. Since you have a big following and can reach many. It would mean the world to us if you could lend your support and If you’re willing Thank you for considering this.

I know it’s not you guys fight, but I’m reaching out because Seunghan deserves better.

Link for the petition - https://www.change.org/p/we-want-seunghan-back-riize-is-7

Thank you 🙏

I don't stan Riize. Its a group that I knew minimally about because occasionally would hear a song on a playlist, or a friends story- but I'm sure a lot of you guys saw the post I made :

I am 100% sided with the OT7 fans. The way the fans in Korea acted towards Seunghan is disgusting. I am in NO way subjecting that to all Kfans- I am more than sure there are lovely fans from all backgrounds including the ones native to Korea - but as an international fan I can say there are stigmas that international fanbases subject due to behaviors like this.

I am in 100% agreement with the fact that Seunghan is recieving unfair treatment due to public opinion and the tendency SM has to fold to public opinion.

Which is why I am going to say this:

It may not be my fight, but I am going to make it my fight as well. If the Kpop community as a whole allows things like this to slide than one day that could be a member of a group you stan. I think the unity in Kpop communities can be such a beautiful thing especially when you see fandoms join together to stand up against unfair practices.

For those who are saying it won't do anything to sign a petition, or boycott Riize until these issues are resolved- think about it. If the negative public opinion on Seunghan is what this on - imagine what the public opinion of thousands of more fans would bring on.

The industry is a cash cow. If you stop paying they stop playing. And companies don't want that.

If us fandoms come together to fight these decisions and put enough pressure on things like this there can be change in the kpop community. Even with other issues.

Especially considering the international fanbases are what bring in a big chunk of the profit. If a company loses the support of those fans than they lose their income.

And from what I see the international fans are fighting for OT7 - alongside the OT7 Kfans.

Yall this is the time to start changing the game. Fandoms cannot continue like this. We should not allow companies to continue getting away with letting crazy fans run the show.

Kpop is supposed to be something nice, but it is becoming polluted.

It's time for a change. And this could be the catalyst for that.

So, thank you for sharing this so I can share this with my followers.

#riizeis7 #bringseunghanback

(the hashtags used are to bring this up in more searches so everyone can see)

[winchester-girl67]

Wild Hearts (Part 4) - Postcards From Dean

Summary: Postcards from Dean to Y/N; sent over the years they were apart. 

Masterlist

Pairing: AU!Dean x reader 

Square: Postcards @j3bingo

Word Count: 743 

Warnings: underage, age gap (reader is 16-22, Dean is 20-26), language, slow burn, long distance relationship of sorts, pining, maybe a little angst, time jumps, fluff 

A/N: This part was written for @j3bingo go as a collection of AU postcards from Dean to Y/N.

_____ 

A few of your favourite postcards from Dean - from the six years you were apart. 

___________________________________

Hey Y/N, 

What do you write on a postcard? 

Dean

P.S. I picked up a stack of these at a rest stop on the way to Sioux Falls and I thought you'd like some old school snail-mail. I'm aware that your parents and the mailman will probably read this too, so... I'm sorry I got your daughter into trouble and now she has- what, ten hours of community service left? But, she's kind of a badass and saved my life so don't go too hard on her. 

P.P.S. And to the mailman: Not cool, dude. 

___________________________________

Dear Y/N, 

Sam told me to start these with 'Dear' instead of 'Hey', I kind of like the way it sounds so I let him be right for once. Bobby and Jody are pretty cool, they won't even let me pay rent so we can save more money. We'll have a place of our own in no time now. 

xo Dean 

P.S. I hope the 'x' is okay, if not I blame Sam. If so, it was all my idea. You can't tell but I just winked at you. 

P.P.S. It's my birthday and Jody made me a cherry pie! It was so good, I had every intention of saving you a piece but now I'll just have to learn how to make one for you instead. Can't wait for your phone call tonight so I can tell you all about it. 

___________________________________

Dear Y/N, 

It took a little longer than I thought but we just moved into our own apartment! It's closer to Sam's college but we can still visit Bobby and Jody with a short car ride. 

xo Dean 

P.S. Think you'll come visit me on your gap year? 

___________________________________

Dear Y/N, 

It snowed today! And I'm making pasta tonight. You can drool over it via video chat later. I wish we were in the same time zone so you could ring in the new year with me too. 

I’m missing you a lot lately,  xo Dean 

P.S. I'm sending you a big fat kiss. You can put it where you want it. X 

P.P.S. To the mailman: Get your mind out of the gutter. She's a lady! 

___________________________________

Dear Y/N, 

I'm seriously craving Donna's mocha ice cream right now. I think it would go great with Jody’s cherry pie recipe. Don't knock it till you try it! 

xo Dean

P.S. Sam hasn't stopped playing that playlist you made him for studying. I swear you have the worst taste in music. I'm going to make you a playlist tonight. 

___________________________________

Dear Y/N, 

I think I like the mountains on this postcard best, we should take a roadtrip there together, maybe next Valentine’s day? 

x Dean 

P.S. I don't like airplanes. 

P.P.S. But I'm going to take you to all the places on these postcards some day. 

P.P.P.S. I hope you're still pinning these postcards to your wall so you can hold them over my head some day. 

___________________________________

Dear Y/N, 

I'm sorry. 

xx Dean 

P.S. If I could have one superpower it would be the ability to control the weather. 

P.P.S. Getting snowed in would be a lot more fun WITH you. 

P.P.P.S. Maybe my superpower should’ve been teleportation! Damn it, is it too late to change my answer? 

___________________________________

Dear Y/N, 

I just dropped Sam off for his first year of law school. I feel old. Luckily, he got another scholarship though, so I don't have to worry about paying his tuition. Kid's a major nerd. 

x Dean 

P.S. I'm actually in California! The salt air here makes me think of home, of you. You feel so far away right now. I'm not even looking at the same ocean. That sucks. 

P.P.S. We haven't talked in a while and I know that's mostly my fault, but I wanted to give you a heads up. I'm coming home... Soon. 

___________________________________

Dear Y/N, 

Did you notice there's no stamp? 

Always yours, 

xoxo Dean 

P.S. I was going to tell you to meet me where I first kissed you but that's a hell of a walk. So meet me under our streetlamp. The one where you put ice cream on my nose the first night we met. 

P.P.S. I hope you come, I can't wait to see you. But I understand and no hard feelings if you don't. 

_________________________

Part 5

_________________________ Dean: @akshi8278 @laycblack @thoughts-and-funnies @mrsjenniferwinchester @crustycheeks @kazsrm67 @sexyvixen7 @lyarr24 @suckitands33  @eliwinchester99 @yvonneeeee @igotmajordaddyissues @djs8891 @leigh70 @globetrotter28 @backseat-of-deans-67chevy

SPN: @hobby27

Wild Hearts: @justrealizedimmascifygurl @evieluvsjamie @kimberkingrivers @vicmc624 @ladysparkles78

[thighzp]

happy ficlet fridayyy 💪🧑🏻‍⚕️ (ideally taynick for working out & dealer’s choice for therapy but follow your heart)

YAY TAYNICK!! I never get to write taynick!! we always need more taynick. okay let's do it. gonna do firstprince for therapy because obviously we're gonna write henry in therapy.

but first, obviously we're writing taylor at the gym (both under the cut just bc long!)

Popping in his headphones, Taylor selected his carefully curated workout playlist. He took pride in his playlists, cultivating exactly the right vibe for each scenario. Working out, going on a hike, romantic nights at home, chill beats for studying scripts. Fitness had always been important to him, as a firm believer that it was all about how you feel and having a healthy relationship with your body, rather than simply how one looks. It just happened to be an added benefit that he also looked fit as fuck. He knew people ogled him at the gym. He paid them no mind, perfectly content to lock into his music and get in touch with his own mind. As the sweat dripped down his temples and the heavy weights burned his biceps, he often found his mouth lip syncing along with his music. Until all of a sudden he realized he was mouthing words to a song that he knows for a fact he did not put on his playlist. How did that get there? Taylor opened the app and scrolled to the bottom of the playlist to find that was the most recently added song. He hadn't added it, but he knows who had. It was their song. He screenshotted the song playing and opened a text to Nick. Not sure what you're trying to do here, but now I'm horny at the gym The reply was almost immediate: Not sure what you're talking about ;)

~~ now onto Henry in therapy

"Henry, it's wonderful to see you again. Things have been going well, I presume?" The therapist asked through the computer screen. Henry fidgeted in his seat at the kitchen table, "Yeah, yes, for the most part. Which is why I haven't scheduled in quite some time." "Mm," the therapist nodded in understanding. "So what prompted you to schedule this session?" Looking down at his lap where he fidgeted with his hands, he tried to come up with something that didn't sound, well, trite and dramatic. As if reading his mind, the therapist said "You don't even have to have a reason, sometimes we just need to talk, hm?" "Yes, I suppose that's all I really need. Because, you know, my partner, he's lovely. Really the best man I could ever ask for. But he's never dealt with...depression like I have. So it's nice to have someone who understands." The therapist took notes as Henry spoke, likely because this is his first time formally bringing up Alex. "Your partner," the therapist starts. "How's your communication with him when you go into your... how did you used to describe it... dark days?" "That's it, yeah," Henry confirmed. "And, well... you know me... I just go... dark for lack of a better term. But he's taken to knowing immediately what's going on. I'm just afraid one day he'll get tired of the darkness. And the sudden radio silence." He shook his head, admonishing himself for thinking something so silly. "Has he ever indicated that it weighs on him? When you go silent?" The therapist implored. "No, never," Henry continued. "Which is why it's so silly! He gives me my space when I need it, then he'll show up like a goddamn knight in shining armor with food and drinks that he knows won't overwhelm me. He makes me get up and at least brush my teeth, knows when I have it in me to shower vs. when I don't. Lays with me in the silence when everything is just too... too much." "And you're afraid he's doing all of this out of obligation, rather than because he loves you and because he wants to," the therapist finishes his thought. Henry chuckles despite himself, "I know, it sounds really stupid now saying it out loud. I should just be grateful --" "None of that," the therapist interrupts. "We are not talking down on ourselves here. It sounds like Alex is wonderful in your times of need, but lets focus on what tools you need to foster within yourself to get through those times."

ouch I hurt myself on the feels

Ficlet Friday!!!

[rrenzwrld]

mama’s baby, daddy’s maybe

in which connie is a famous basketball player who has a secret baby with his best friend

final part! :( here’s what i listened to while i wrote and WARNING! it may or may not make you feel emotions idk.. read part 6 here! (the playlist only had like 10 songs but i just kept putting them on repeat so..)

tags: @beautifulalienslimecroissant @iikatsukii @neptunes1nterweb @yourrfavzxri @prettypink-princesss @nvvacanesworld @atinystaypixie @getoscrybaby

After the game last week, Connie didn’t even bother to call or text at any point. Naturally, I didn’t know if I should’ve been worried or angered. Even through the new week and into the start of the weekend, it was as if Connie had fell off the face of the earth.

“I think you should pull up.” Layla suggested. Of course she’d say that because she also found this just as fishy as I did.

“I don’t even know where he lives..”

“Oh we can find out. Call Armin.”

“No! Armin can’t solve all our issues, Lay. What if he’s mad at me?”

Layla raised a brow. “Armin?”

“No, Connie.”

“Oh, girl.. I dunno, I mean you didn’t do anything right?”

“No! I thought we were cool but he’s not answering my calls or texts so I don’t know what I did.” My voice hitched onto the loose tears that tempted to roll down my cheeks. I was starting to think we were building the relationship we once had again but everything was falling back just how I expected. Did he know? Was that why he was ignoring me?

“Bitch..” Layla snatched my phone from my hands. “I’m finna text him myself cause’ this is ridiculous.. got you cryin and shit.”

I reached forward to grab it from her. “Lay—“ The phone vibrated in her hands with a call from Connie.

“Speak of the devil. Saved his own ass..” She gave me the phone so I could answer it.

“Hello?”

“Hey.” His tone was steady and firm, which made me shake with overflowing nerves.

“I been texting and calling you—“

“I know.”

“So you been ignoring me on purpose?” The worry had subsided and anger consumed me. “For a fuckin week Connie?”

“I’m not in the mood for your attitude right now, Chy’anne. I need you to come over so we can talk.”

“You blow me off for a fuckin week and you think imma do what you say like I’m your bitch? What is there to talk about?”

“Celest.” He knew. But how did he know? Who told him?

“Cel..Celest?”

“I’ll text you the address.” He hung up without saying another word. And I couldn’t bring myself to say another word after that.

“He knows.. don’t he?” I just stared at the phone whilst everything inside me crumbled like cement towers.

I bit down on my lips. “He wants… I gotta go to..” I could hardly get my words together. “He wants me to go over there.”

Layla stood up from the chair at the island. “Need me to go with you?” Luckily Celest was at my mom’s house so Layla could’ve went but I spoke against it.

I shook my head. “No, I’ll go by myself.

“Got the address?” I nodded.

“Good. Send it to me so I know if I need to bust a cap inna nigga’s ass.” Her comment made me laugh a little.

“Okay, I’ll be back. If you leave, lock up.”

I put in the address and started on my way. Of course he lived up in the rich people community so it was a while a way from the inner city or any other normal neighborhoods. When I got there, I thought I had to pass by a gate but it opened automatically to my car which was weird. His driveway covered the entire front of his front yard but it was occupied with a bunch of other foreign cars. I didn’t know if they were his or if other people were guests. But it obviously wasn’t the time to examine his house.

Connie let me in without words as we walked over to what looked to be a den or living area and sat down on a soft black velvet sectional. I couldn’t even meet his eyes because I knew they were full of something other than the happiness or joy that they’ve been full of all this time.

“I know the baby’s mine, Chy’anne.” I finally looked up at him now though. “I just wanna know why.”

“..Why—“

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was calm but he didn’t have to yell or raise it for me to know he was hurt.

I bit on the inside of my cheek as I fiddled with my thumbs.

“You don’t hear me talkin to you?” I stayed quiet but not by choice. I had stuff I wanted to say, I had stuff I wanted to scream, I had stuff I wanted to pour out to him but there was something stuck in my throat that I couldn’t choke up no matter how hard I wanted to.

“Hm?” He used his finger and thumb to raise my head to his. I turned away to look back down. I was afraid that what I might say next would push him away farther than before but maybe he just really wanted to know the truth, nothing more. I did owe that to him. “Chy’anne?”

“I was scared..” I mumbled.

“Fuck, you know I don’t do that mumbling shit—“

“I was scared, okay?” He moved back a bit. “I was..” My voice cracked and I was starting to cry again. “I kept her from you because I was scared. Scared of losing you, scared of ruining your dream, scared of you abandoning her, scared of.. everything.” I knew I had his attention when he didn’t respond immediately after that so I just kept going.

“When we had sex, I thought it’d ruin or friendship forever and when I found out I was pregnant right before you went to the draft, I knew that would be even worse. I knew that if I..” The tears rolled so fast, my hands couldn’t keep up. “I knew that if I told you that I was pregnant, you wouldn’t have got on that plane to California. You would’ve wanted to stay here and you would’ve never did what you wanted to do. I couldn’t let you do that. I couldn’t let you miss out on a dream you’ve had for years because of me.”

“Chy—“ He reached out for my hands.

“And I felt bad because everyone knew but you.” His face was unreadable now.

“What?” He was standing up now and I felt things would go left.

“Connie—“

“Fuck you mean everyone knew but me? I should’ve known—“

“You couldn’t know, Connie! If you knew, you wouldn’t have all this and you’d be sittin right up there with me, stuck. I couldn’t sit and watch that happen to you.”

His chest heaved up and down in heavy breaths of frustration. “Who knew..”

“Your family, my family, everyone. They knew what would happen.” He couldn’t fake the sadness or betrayal that was etched into his face. Nor could he stop the tears that escaped his hazel eyes.

“I could’ve helped you, Chy’anne. I could’ve been there.” He sat back down and threw his head into his open hands as he cried freely. “Feel like a fuckin failure..” I forcefully pulled his hands from his face.

“No no no, don’t say that. You deserve all that you have. You earned it, be proud.” I tried smiling at him through my stained cheeks but he didn’t respond to my words. I brushed a hand under his chin so he faced me. God, was he beautiful.. “I’m proud of you, Connie.”

His eyes wandered mine before he pulled me into his chest, softly cradling my head. “M’sorry.” My heart broke as I heard the tremble in his voice. “Sorry I wasn’t there, sorry I let you go, I—“ I shushed him. My arms wrapped around his back as we sank into each other, molding together like lost puzzle pieces.

“I love you.” He spoke again. “So much..”

“I love you too, Connie.” My eyes closed automatically, his touch feeling familiar to my fingertips. “I’ll never leave you again, promise.” He chuckled against my shoulder before pulling his body from mine but his hand still lingered on my cheek.

“C-Can I do something?” My head tilted.

“Hm?”

“Can I kiss you?.. Please?” My lips upturned into a smile before I nodded, allowing him to pull them into his. Kissing him felt natural and this time, it didn’t feel wrong. Being with him this time felt right, it felt just right.

the end :( anyways! i hope you enjoyed this small rollercoaster with connie and chy’anne and feel free to lmk if you want more of them in lil oneshots or something! i felt like i could’ve added more but for this to be the last part, i really didn’t wanna make it too long for y’all. but thank you for reading this series and the comments, likes, and the reblogs reallyyy mean a lot to me <3 i appreciate the support + luv yall fr🥹