#I think this is just me realizing that thinking of my phone as my downtime leisure reward is more detrimental than the act of having a phon

[forsworned]

part one

cw: onlyfans!simon, canon universe, cybersex, solo sex/masturbation, being simon's good girl while he has some downtime, parasocial relationship???

author's note: and let me say this once to be clear, if you don't know how to ask for a part two properly without giving some sort of positive feedback and instead demand it from me you will get a verbal spanking from me and i will embarrass you, i do not care

Your breath catches as you gawk at your phone, rereading the message. The sensation of anxiety pricks at you causing you to perspire under your pits and the temple of your forehead.

The thought of him—TacticalHeat—or Ghost or whatever the hell his name is waiting on the other side, possibly stroking himself at the notion of you joining him on a private call sends a rush of arousal up your spine.

Ping!

TacticalHeat: You still there, lovie?

Oh, fuck. You card your fingers through your hair and let out a heavy exhale. It's awful timing really. Like getting caught with your pants down...literally.

Fingers sticky with lube and your own arousal, you stretch your limbs to open the drawer of your nightstand and pull out a wet wipe to clean off your hands and get a gander at the state of your appearance. It's slightly disheveled, but honestly? In a super sexy bedhead kind of way.

You wipe the corners of your eyes to remove the accumulated smudged mascara from your gruesome work day and let a sharp expire through your nose. Well, if you were going to do this, you'd at least look hot doing it.

You: Yeah, I'm here.

TacticalHeat: So what do you think, lovie...you up for it?

"Fuck!" You exclaim to yourself, not realizing that your dumbass forgot to reply to his original message. Your thumbs hover over the keyboard for a moment, tracing circles in the air as you try to unscramble your mind.

You: Now works...what do you have in mind?

The three dots appear almost instantly like he's waiting for your response with the same fiery intensity that has you gripping at your phone.

TacticalHeat: I'll send you a link. I wanna see you, too.

Ghost has invited you to a Zoom meeting.

Your heart pounds rapidly against your ribcage, and you feel the heat sidling to your cheeks. You hadn't expected this to escalate so quickly, to be pushed into the spotlight. And yet, the idea of him watching you is thrilling.

With trembling fingers, you adjust the lighting in your room and the camera on your phone to ensure you're getting the best quality. One last look in the mirror to smooth out your hair, and make sure your top reveals a little cleavage before you tap on the link, muddying your phone screen with oils on your finger.

Twiddling with the tripod that sits by the edge of your bed as the link loads, you clip on your phone and sit back while you wait to get accepted. He wastes no time getting you out of the waiting room and you watch as the screen shifts, and suddenly, there he is. Simon's half-lidded gaze fixates on you, his familiar skull-mask in place, but this time it's different. He's relaxed, clad in a black loose-fitted henley that outlines his taut physique, and he's manspreading in light-wash denim jeans, hands exposed and you're already aching at the sight. It's an intimate setting and the atmosphere shifts when he gets a real gander at you. His gravelly voice sends a frisson up your spine:

"There's my good girl," he purrs, and just like that you're hooked.

There's a moment where your heart drops to your ass, and you let out a little shaky breath before giving him a shy smile. His gaze doesn't waver. It's intense and focused as he drinks in every detail of your appearance. You're half wondering what he thinks of you and half focused on the hoarseness in his voice when he calls you 'good girl'. How the blood rushes to your face and your trepidation tingles on your skin.

"Hi," You finally muster up and you swear his dark eyes light up, or maybe it's the delusion that spikes into your prefrontal cortex. "I'm a bit, um, surprised that you wanted to chat like this."

His mask warps in the corner of where you assume his lips are indicating a smirk. "I like a bit of spontaneity," he says, leaning closer to the camera. "Besides I wanted to see how you would handle this."

You avert your gaze for a moment, feeling hot all over again. He notes how you suck in your bottom and how your dilated eyes flicker all over the screen, a subtle sign that your adrenaline is pumping. He wishes he could hear your heart beating through the screen.

Your fingers delicately trace over your collarbone, "what do you wanna see?" your voice drops to a sultry whisper.

His eyes darken and he takes a slow breath as fixates on you, taking in all your subtle gestures and the silkiness in your dulcet tone.

"Show me how you've missed me," he rasps. "show me what you've been doing while you've waited for me."

Christ, you want to melt into your mattress. You knew it was a playful gesture to create a more intimate atmosphere between you two, even if it wasn't true.

The challenge in his tone exhilarates you with a hint of collywobbles that infest your tummy. With a quick glance at your full-size mirror mounted on your closet door, you begin to tug at the strap of your skimpy top, teasingly revealing enough of your skin to keep him riveted.

And it works.

As you continue, you can hear the jingling of his belt being unbuckled and the sound of his zipper going down.

Your blown eyes are entranced by how he frees himself from the waistband of his briefs and you’re driveling over how the muscles under the porcelain skin of his cock twitches. He tilts his head back, transfixed on how you’re exposing your pebbled bud to him.

“Bloody hell,” he murmurs, swallowing thickly as you squeeze your breasts between your fingers. “Every inch of you looks perfect, lovie.”

You practically fawn over his compliments. He’s praising you, watching you, getting off to you. And that feeling is like nothing you’ve ever experienced. You feel liberated and exposed, knowing that he’s eagerly watching you as the lines blur. This feeling consumes you, consumes him, and soon you’re stripping off your panties and he doesn’t even bother to hide the groan that escapes his lips. 

“Look at you, absolutely stunning. Every bit of you…” His tone changes when you part your silken, glistening folds. “Touch yourself for me, lovie.”

It’s a demanding tone. One that sends a frisson up your spinal column and you feel the need to please, but there’s another side of you that awakens. The kind that crawls out when you’re being railroaded by a domineering man. 

“Say please,” You wave your wand around. 

He softly snorts at your attempt at trying to tame him, but he humors you, “Please, lovie. I crave ya.”

And that’s enough to inflate your ego. Your fingers switch on the vibrator and you tease it over your clit, bucking your hips at your sensitive clit. 

There’s a twitch in his eyes when they widen. Like the light in his head switched on. “So you’ve been playing with yourself, have you, pretty girl?” he coos, sitting up a bit more. Oh, you’ve really got his attention now. 

Your heart flutters at the same rate that your pussy does when you realize he takes note of your current over aroused state. “Maybe,” you give him a coquettish grin. 

As you take the initiative and push the boundaries with him, a rumbling growl emits from him. His gaze intensifies as they lock on yours with a mixture of surprise and approval. He loves a good brat.

“Is that so?” he susurrates, his tone oozes with amusement. He likes the way your pretty face glimmers with the excitement to satisfy him. “You wanna take control now, do you?”

He shifts in his seat. “Go on then, lovie.” he gestures to you, and oh how his dick creams at the sight of you shaking your legs on for, gasping at the vibrating sensation of your toy caressing your cunt. You’re really such a site for sore eyes.

“Such a pretty pussy,”he praises with a husky voice that makes your heart race. The saccharine moans that leave your lips as you spasms against the silicone while you instruct him to tug at himself. 

He obliges because how can he not when you’re looking so fucking luscious on the other side of the camera as you winsomely order him to smear the opulent precum that oozes from his angry, swollen tip. A little sob leaves your lips when you see how compliant he is, and how his chest shudders at your words and creamy cries of delight. 

“Just like that,” he encourages, pumping at himself and in an instant the tables turn, and you’re more than willing to let him take control. He pants at the sight of your parted, saliva-lacquered lips and lolled back eyes. “No one else gets to see you like this. Only me.”

And that sentence alone leaves you breathless. “Oh, you like that?” He chuckles, through his own labored breaths. The raw emotions in his voice makes it clear how much he’s affected by you, “God, you’re everything I want and more.”

And that does it for you because your orgasm rips through you like a hurricane and you feel your spine involuntarily arch in pleasure, peaked breasts splayed out as your pussy rapidly pulsates on full display for him. They bounce at your ragged breaths and throes of passion and he’s quick to follow, elongating the pleasure of your peak. His velvety, opulent cum spurts out in plentiful, white cords as he bucks his hips and throws his head back. His guttural moans are like music to your ears and you’re quaking at the pure rapture. 

There’s a long moment of silence as you both come down from your highs. A laugh leaves your lips, and a wry grin twitches at his features under his balaclava. You’re no longer dripping nerves. Your smile lights up the room, and his heart swells at the sight of your afterglow. Your confidence shines through and he’s still hard. Not a very common occurrence in the world of Ghost.

Your eyes flicker to his girthy cock and your grin spreads. His eyes follow yours and he chuckles and gently pumps himself, “not every day that happens.”

You cock a brow. “What the inviting me for a cybersex sesh, or the staying hard after cumming part?”

He barks out a hearty laugh, “Both I s’ppose.” he softly plashes. “Really got me goin’ there, lovie.”

And the nickname brings you back to life. Maybe you really were delirious because you can sense that his eyes display a different range of lingering emotions--persisting lust and a genuine admiration. You can’t help but to feel a little victorious as you watch him continue to stroke himself, even after the both of you reached your peak.

“Not everyday I meet someone who can keep up with me,” he rasps. He lets out a breath of satisfaction.

You tilt your head, a coy smile etches into your lips. “Guess I’m just full of surprises,” you reply softly. There’s that sensual confidence seeping into your tone and it shows on your body.

He chuckles. It’s low and alluring and it causes gooseberries to trail up your skin. “That you are, lovie,” he counters, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. His voice makes you feel warm and gooey. “Could get used to this…to you.”

The implication hangs heavy in the air making his interest in you clear and undeniable. Your heart skips a beat as the heat between you simmers again. It’s no longer the deviancy alone that tips him off, it’s the fact that he’s brought out a different side of you.  

“Maybe next time,” your voice is low and tempting as your eyes motion to his still-engorged length. “you’ll let me show you how much more I can handle.”

His smirk widens under his mask, and his hunger for you multiplies. “Count on it.” he replies with the promise of fulfilling that request.

You both share a yearning moment. The spark between you is electrifying and certainly obvious. You decide to make the first move as you sit up to hover your sticky thumb over the end call button, “Good night, Ghost.”

He chews at the end of his cheek and his eyes crinkle signaling that he was smiling wide. “Good night, lovie.”

There’s no doubt in your mind that this won’t be the last time you’ll see each other like this.

taglist: @fallen-angelslove @cinnabeanz @pricesugarwife @daikongirlie @firesgod @marierg

@multifand0midi07 @surenotsorry @forgottensomewhere @teenagellamaangel @nijiru @deliverancesix

@milk-man3000 @russellsimp @madzzz0797 @kittykatgorl @nerd-without-a-cause @mikasakuchiki @haleyaaah

@hiken-no-stark @shellyshellshell @livingoutsidethetardis @jemomgershippingco @kruegerismymalewife

@ki-ssshot @essentialbeats-blog @dmitriene

[muntitled]

𝙄𝙍𝙍𝙀𝙋𝙇𝘼𝘾𝙀𝘼𝘽𝙇𝙀

Toji Fushiguro x Fem!Reader

Summary: Toji is intent on ruining every other man for you

Warnings: Language, Toxic Relationship, fwb, Age Gap, Minor Gaslighting, Jealousy, Slight Angst, Coercion, Manipulation, Manhandling, Possessiveness, PDA, Threats, Smut (+18) Minors DNI, DUB/CON, Grinding, Forced Orgasm, Rough Sex, Toji Filming You, Video Sex?, Humiliation Kink, Exhibition Kink, Massive Degradation Kink, Neediness, Mutual Masturbation, Humping, Spitting, Breeding Kink, Daddy Kink, DDLG, Massive Praise Kink, Threats, Slight CNC, Extreme Humiliation, Forced Breeding

A/N: Please proceed with caution, I beg

Perhaps your first mistake is assuming you could open his message, glance over it with hooded, glossy eyes, and swipe out, with the blatant intention of ignoring him.

Toji is rarely someone who fancies wasting time. He types like the old man he is, with messages devoid of emoji's or textual abbreviations.

He had simply and succinctly written:

I miss your face.

His message is unambiguous with the expectation that you are now supposed to drop every commitment you might harbour on this thunderous Thursday night to accommodate him and his nighttime hard-on that probably hit him in a slump of boredom.

It irritated you to imagine how secondary you always seem to be in his mind's eye. It pissed you off to think that his words when he fucked you, his blatant degrdation, may hold a sliver of truth. Perhaps you really were just a sex toy he only makes use of when he wishes for a break from the rest of the world and its obligations. That piercing thought that he used you accommodate all his kinks, while he continuously failed to claim you amongst his associates... it broke you. It left you feeling cheap and ragged and worthless and-

another message peaks over your home screen:

I know you're seeing this. Tell him to fuck off.

"Everything okay?" Your head snaps up from your phone, immediately meeting the eyes of the man you had just kissed under the awning of your Townhouse patio. His warm eyes which had stayed warm throughout the duration of your date are now hooded in concern.

"Everything's perfectly fine," You attempt to reassure your coworker who had just taken you on a fantastic date. There is an inflection in your voice which you quickly attempt to clear, "Just a message from one of my students-"

You're interrupted by another incoming notification which you instinctively check.

I miss your cunt. Need to see you touch yourself.

Swiping out of that particular message had been significantly more difficult, and it took all your willpower to ignore the slew of notifications.

"My kids tend to send messages outside office hours too," your date soldiers on, bending his tall frame hoping to draw your attention once again. "It's like they don't understand the concept of school time and downtime. Teachers have lives too,"

Your eyes narrow infinitesimally at the strain in his voice when he says, "I like seeing you in academic work mode, though. It's hot." You immediately notice his words as a veneer to mask the irritation at having your date interrupted by your notifications. All that hangs between you two now is the rites of passage one is expected to complete at the end of every date.

'Ask me up' his eyes practically pleaded, as you noticed him send tiny glances at your front door, 'Ask me up and let's get this over with',

And perhaps, maybe you would have invited him up. Lord knows your own arousal had been building with the steady stream of Toji's messages, one more quick glance revealed the final message:

Do you honestly imagine yourself calling that puny little thing, Daddy?

A shuddering breath leaves your throat as a million questions bombard a million other statements racing through your mind. Questions of how the fuck Toji knew you were on a date were overshadowed by the realization that you are going to sleep with this stranger tonight. You are going to find a new anchor and a brand new distraction.

"Would you like to stay for a drink-" You asked, or would have asked, had it not been for the sheer shock at having your own door open behind you. You spin around, utterly speechless as you and your date both watch Toji answer your door.

"She doesn't drink," He says, leaning his bare, muscled shoulder against your doorframe, the rest of him is clad in his sweatpants, the drawstring left lazily to hang, "So finding any beverage alcoholic enough for her to negate the fact that you're not going to make her cum, will be quite the feat." Your coworker bristles at Toji's remark, but you're corralled into silence. It is as if your brain can not comprehend what your eyes are seeing in front of you. Your voice is dwindling as you attempt to ask,

"Where did you… How the hell did you get my keys?" But Toji disregards you as easily as he has been doing for the duration of your relationship. Arousal be damned, all you allow yourself to feel in this very moment is red, white, and hot, anger.

It is so easy for him to look past you, so easy for him to pretend you're not there when his cock isn't forcing you to take his cum. The anger pulsates through you, straining your tear ducts. If it weren't for his sudden, inexplicable movements you probably would have cursed him out with tears streaking your face.

With his eyes still on your date, Toji pulls your limp body against him. He dips his head to splay a calloused kiss at the side of your head before letting his hands drift over the curvy outlines of your body. He rubs you soothingly, in a way he knows would get you into a compliant, likely sated state as he pushes your head onto his bare chest.

"You're still standing here?" His head tilts as he stares down your date; a scarred lip curling at the end. "Would you like to watch?" By this point, you're so deep into detangling your own conflicting emotions that you're not even sure who Toji is speaking to. What you are aware of is his bulge rubbing against you from behind. His grip on your hips are concrete as he looks at the now utterly angered man, "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to," Toji's lips graze your ear, "She does enjoy putting on a show,"

You're utterly horrified that his words and raucous display have your colleague lumbering away from your doorstep and racing to his car, never looking back.

"That is an utter shame. I think he would've liked to see how needy you get when you wanna cum-" But you've finally gained enough sensibility to push him away from you. Your heart is beating loud in your ear as you push past him and into your living room.

"Where is it,"

"My dick? It's in my pants and it wants your attention-"

"Your shirt!" Your voice thunders up into the rafters of your living room's ceiling, likely in vicious combat with the thunder groaning outside. "You're going to get your shirt and you're going to leave my house and you will then proceed to leave my fucking life!" You're pushing over cushions and decorative pillows as you search frantically for Toji's shirt, "Give me my fucking house keys and leave me the fuck alone, Toji, I'm serious!"

In the tempest of your movements, frizzy hair wild from your outburst and your manic movements, you are utterly seething to find him directly behind you. His head, dipping into the nape of your neck, deposits a row of kisses as he pushes himself up against you.

"I really need to fuck you." He says, completely reducing your earlier words into nothingness, "I need to hear you make those needy little whimpers of yours and I need you to call me Daddy, okay? I need you to tell Daddy you want him to make you a Mommy," He is utterly delirious as he fists your breasts over your buttoned shirt and thrust his hips into your backside. He is deluded by his own fantasies, guided by his own arousal with little to no thought for your own feelings. You hated that his desires flowed parallel to yours. You hated that you wanted exactly what he wanted. You hated that your panties were already steadily getting soaked at just the thought of him needing you so much he started humping lazily into your ass. "Daddy needs you to take care of him, hm? Can you do that, pretty girl?"

Your voice is barely above a whisper when you speak, afraid that it might bleed into a horrendous moan, "When have you ever taken care of me, Toji? You fucking humiliated me-" He spins you around until your chest is facing him. You fight to evade the sight of his cock straining against his grey sweatpants as you stare blankly up at him.

"You like it," Toji says, bringing a hand up to cup the side of your cheek, "And I like that you like it." And perhaps, maybe a sick, emotionally damaged part of you did enjoy it when he made you suffer a little. His words bring revelation, as you think back to seconds ago, how him touching you - disrespecting you in front of your coworker brought on a heightened state of arousal.

"Make yourself cum." He commands as he hurriedly undoes the buttons of your blouse. You quickly notice that his patience has finally cracked, and a vexed scowl now dances on Toji's face as he discards your blouse on the floor, "No more questions. Make yourself fucking cum-" He growls, as he forces you down onto your couch with a hand gripping your scalp and another, pulling a wayward pillow in front of you.

"Make yourself cum because when I touch you, your pleasure is going to be the least of my fucking concerns."

You eye the pillow with slight trepidation while Toji eyes you from above. His hand is still firmly placed on top of your head, lightly craning it backwards to see every emotion running through your face.

"Keep the skirt on," He orders, and watches with hungry eyes as you slowly take off your underwear and mount the cushion in front of you.

"Give me your phone," he is already grabbing at your device, fumbling for the camera.

"Toji, please-"

"It's Toji, now!?" He asks, laughing breathlessly as he presses record and pushes the camera into your face, "Who the fuck is Toji to you?"

Your eyes snap shut, hoping to get away from the invading insectile lense or fresh coat of arousal betweenyour thighs. Your mind is utterly fried by the stimulation you're getting from every output. Your hips have started languidly moving against the pillow, feeling pathetically satiated by the friction against your soaked little clit,

"Look at you- Fuck!" Toji removes his hand on your head to lightly paw at the bulge so deliriously close to your face, "Look at what a fucking slut you are! Do your little work friends know how stupid you get when you're on the verge of cumming-"

"Toji-"

"I said who the fuck is Toji to you!?" The sheer and utter cruelty in his tone has you humping the pillow faster, while you clumsily raise a hand to paw at your breasts. Unable to keep his composure any longer, Toji's hand descends into his sweatpants as he begins to stroke his aching dick in unison with your hips. You watch with hooded, fucked out eyes. Your pillowy lips pull in between your teeth as a pornographic moan bubbles from within your chest.

You decide to give in. "P-Please Daddy, Please fuck me- I fucking need you to cum inside me- p-please-" You're unable to stop, feeling your wetness spread along the pillow, as you watch him stroke intently, "Fuck me- I need you to fuck me, fuck me please, Daddy-" You're utterly breathless, repeating your words like a wanton, desperate whore, "Please… Daddy," you continue to whisper, "Daddy,"

"Fuck-you look so fucking sexy, baby," He doesn't know whether to look at the video of your hips moving greedily against the pillow, or to watch the real thing: your hips making a web of sticky trails of arousal on the couch.

"Apologise to Daddy, like a good girl," He really wants to fuck you but his own pride, the curse of his averous stands in his way, "Tell Daddy you're sorry for being a foolish little whore. Tell him you'll never ignore a message from him ever again-" your shoulders flinch at the sound of your phone being discarded on the floor but still, your hips are unrelenting as you say, "I'm sorry, Daddy, I'm so sorry." Drool drips from the side of your mouth, falling along your exposed breasts, which Toji squeezes recklessly. "Never! I'll never ignore another message from you ever, ever, ever," you're operating on autopilot, as you watch him release his cock from inside his sweatpants, his fingers prod and twist at your nipple.

"I miss your mouth," He utters drunkenly as he bends down, "Kiss me," And you obey as you rise to meet his lips. The soft roughness of Toji's lips only has your hips humping desperately against the pillow once more, his tongue forcing its way inside until you're both kissing with lewdity and ferocity. "Fucking slut-" he says, pulling back to push you backwards,

"My horny humping girl is so ready for Daddy to fuck her isn't she?" You're completely flooded with anticipation, it flows through your arteries, alerting every part of your brain. You feel as though you're about to taste euphoria as Toji roughly pulls your hips to the edge of the couch, lifting it to meet his cock which he hurriedly slams into you.

He fucks you, hard and rough and as needy as you feel- hovering above you so every stroke has his pelvis pushing against your clit as you fucks you into your own couch.

"You thought you could just fucking get away from me, hm?" There's a heavy condescending tone in his voice, one that has you arching your back with your lips pulled between your teeth. You're striving to get away from his harsh thrusts because the pleasure is way too much . It's all bubbling inside you, threatening to spill out everywhere and anywhere.

"I fucking told you, didn't I!?" Droplets of water fall from his hair as he watches you so intensely. You think you might cum on the spot, "Daddy fucking told you that you can't ever say no to him- you can't ever tell him to stop- Stop fucking moving!" But your movements have him more turned on than you'd initially thought, allowing him to use the advantage of his brawn, to lock you down with his iron grip at your hips. You're trapped on the couch underneath him, as he continues to fuck you like you don't exist,

"If you keep moving like that- fuck! If you keeping fucking trying to get away Daddy will have no choice but to cum inside you," Your legs tingle with the nearness of your euphoria, it only expands as he brings his lips directly onto of yours as he mutters, "Daddy's going to cum inside you, okay? Maybe that's what you need to realise you can't talk to other men? Maybe getting you fucking pregant will make sure you'll stop being a fucking slut-"

His cock is shallow and relentless inside your soaked, gummy walls, it pushes against everything it can find and is utterly relentless on that one sensitive bundle of nerves that only he seems to be able to find.

"Are you going to cum!?" He asks, "Because I'm so fucking close baby- I want you to cum with Daddy, okay? Be a good girl for once in your fucking life-"

"FUCK-" You're a screaming, wet mess as you cum so violently, it disrupts the flow of your entire body, "Thats it… Gonna get you pregnant- oh fuck-" he exclaims, his white hot seed exploding inside of you, prolonging the overwhelming sensation of your own orgasm. It completely takes over your mind - feeling so completely full of him. Toji's hips lightly shudder as he attempts to milk as much of himself up inside of you, before pulling away. He is utterly mesmerised by the sticky, white cum oozing out of your puffy vagina. He watches, transfixed, as he brings his fingers up to slide as much of his cum inside you but it all comes sliding back.

"What are you," You're barely able to find your voice, "What are you doi-"

But he already has you upside down. His muscles flex he holds you carefully by your hips, with your head grazing the carpet. You recognize the movement as a relic of the old wives' tale. The second his cum is swimming inside you, you need to lay upside down to help it along.

No scientific evidence that this guarantees any sort of pregnancy, of course, but Toji strikes you as the superstitious type.

"Making sure the job's done." He says, "You think I was kidding about getting you pregnant?"

I can explain...

[darkmatilda]

𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐨𝐟𝐟 | 𝐬. 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: spencer takes care of you after a serious accident.

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬/𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐰: hospital, rehabilitation, neck and brain injury, nud1ty

𝐚/𝐧: this is one of the potential endings of my fanfiction "with the light off" which officialy remains open up to your own interpretation. this version written to comfort all the hearts i've broken <3

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 11k

Spencer felt embarrassed by how, just an hour after leaving the apartment, he already wanted to call her.

She had already occupied a near-constant presence in the back of his mind, slipping in like a shadow—elusive and playful—darting between his thoughts, flitting from one corner to another whenever he tried, even briefly, to forget about her. But now? After that night they had spent together?

Spencer knew a lot about obsession. He understood the weight of the word and was acutely aware of its gravity. Yet he couldn’t deny it—he was obsessed with her. Physical contact had always been a sensitive yet profoundly significant subject for him. He didn’t allow many people that close. 

For him, touch was the ultimate proof of closeness and trust. Intimacy bred attachment. This wasn’t about desire in its rawest form—it was something else… though he wasn’t entirely sure what. He couldn’t define the bond they shared.

He felt bored, detached from the world when she wasn’t in it, and the only thing keeping him tethered to some semblance of normality was the thought—the imagining—that at this very moment, they were breathing the same air.

He was starting to think he might be losing his mind.

He held off on calling her precisely to avoid coming across as a lunatic in her eyes. He managed to restrain himself only once he was at work, where the seriousness of his profession demanded it. In a way, though, he felt lighter. Throughout the day, he was buoyed by the thought of their upcoming meeting, the excitement it brought—and the nerves. That mixture of emotions was enough to make the entire team glance at him with curiosity.

Garcia was handing out case files, her hair recently dyed a vibrant shade of red. Rossi, instead of opening his folder like everyone else, was watching Spencer from across the table, leaning on his elbow.

“Did you win the lottery or something?” he asked, so unexpectedly that Spencer glanced around at the others, unsure who the question was meant for.

When he realized the question was directed at him, he swallowed hard. Morgan’s raised eyebrow seemed to challenge him to a duel.

“Not that I know of. Why?”

“Because you’re practically glowing, sweetheart,” Penelope chimed in with a sly smile. “Don’t think you’re getting away without telling me everything later. I’ll get it out of you, don’t you worry. But for now, let’s get started…”

They immersed themselves in the case, but a few hours later, during a brief moment of downtime, he realized he was looking for an excuse to call her. Was a simple desire to ask what she was up to reason enough?

He wondered if she was still at his apartment. He hoped she was. He knew she’d eventually have to leave to prepare for the shift she was starting later that afternoon, but he couldn’t shake the unease gnawing at him about the whole situation with her roommate’s ex-boyfriend.

Realizing he’d been staring at his phone for far too long and that he’d soon need to get back to work, he made a snap decision and called.

But no one answered.

Logically, he reasoned that mornings were probably her time to sleep. Afterward, he tried sending a text message. But by late evening, when he finally returned to his apartment, he was starting to feel genuinely worried.

The question nagged at him: could it have been about the previous night? Maybe he’d done or said something wrong, something that had put her off completely?

Slowly, he walked into the bedroom, pausing in the doorway as his eyes landed on the perfectly made bed. It definitely hadn’t looked like that when he left it.

Then his gaze fell on the slightly ajar safe, and he froze. The combination was incredibly complicated, so he must have left it open when he took out his gun and badge. Besides those items, there was one more thing inside.

He had once again fallen into the trap of keeping Dilaudid close, even though he wasn’t using it. Was it possible she found it, and that’s why she hadn’t reached out?

It wasn’t that he had lied to her about being clean. She had seen how much effort it took for him to talk about it, so she approached the subject with incredible subtlety, never asking directly, but watching him closely, carefully, yet without pressing.

If she had really found it in his safe, she might have felt betrayed. Or maybe she decided she didn’t want to get involved with someone who had such a problem. Perhaps she had seen the whole previous night as one big mistake and then decided to throw him out of her life. Spencer, though it pained him, couldn’t help but feel that he deserved it.

He sat on the bed, crushed by his own thoughts. Something didn’t sit right with the version of events he had imagined. First and foremost, she wasn’t the type of person who would turn him away because of this. Her heart ached to help others; she couldn’t ignore someone else’s troubles. Even if he had hurt her, her immense capacity for understanding would have remained intact. Empathy was imprinted on her, like a deep, unshakable mark.

Driven by a hunch, he reached for his phone to call her again. That’s when he noticed two missed calls from an unknown number, just fifteen minutes ago.

He pressed the phone to his ear, his brow furrowing in confusion as he heard the first sound on the other end… a sob?

The sound went on and on, and Spencer was too confused to utter a single word.

“Who am I talking to?” he finally asked. Unable to stop himself, he stood up. He didn’t even know what was going on or who he was talking to, but he sprang to his feet anyway. His body compelled him, his insides twisting with unpleasant spasms.

It could just as well have been some stupid prank. The problem was, it wasn’t.

“H-hey, it’s J-Jude,” a voice came from the other end. Female, shaky, and choked with sobs so severe that if he didn’t already know her name, he would never have guessed he was speaking to her roommate. He stopped pacing the room. “I-it was me…I called earlier. S-she doesn’t have any…any family, and I didn’t know…I didn’t know who to inform…I can’t handle this on my own…they just took her away again…”

It wasn’t as if the world suddenly came to a halt. It simply became both sharper and blurrier at the same time. Spencer could see that single, bright strand of hair on the pillow with perfect clarity, yet his own legs seemed out of reach. When he looked down, all he saw was darkness stretching below him. Somehow, he was still breathing.

“What are you talking about?” he asked. Later, he couldn’t explain how his voice—those first words—had sounded so composed. “W-who took her… where… and why…?

“I have no fucking idea!” she shouted, followed by a long silence during which Jude took a desperate gasp of air. “I mean, I do, I do know! They just brought her in, but... but suddenly they took her back because there was some kind of…bleeding…”

“...ding?” he blurted out, the first syllable swallowed entirely by his panic.

“No, I don’t want anything to calm me down, I am calm, can’t you tell?” Her voice grew distant, as if she’d pulled the phone away from her mouth. Then it came back, clear and pleading. “Please, come here…”

She hung up. The phone slipped from his hand as if it burned him. In a frenzy, he bent down to grab it, only to drop it again. Finally, he fell to his knees, managing at last to pick it up. As he stood, he felt as though some substance was spreading through his brain—black, toxic, and utterly destructive. Its effects left him barely tethered to reality. He could hear and see, but everything was overlaid with Jude’s words, looping in his mind like printed text on a screen.

The next thirty minutes were a blur.

How could it be logically explained that, in a state of complete detachment from the outside world, he somehow managed to figure out, based on the map of the area imprinted in his memory, which specific hospital she was in? How did his panicked, trembling hands manage to cover that distance by car without causing an accident?

The only thing he knew was that he ended up at the nearest hospital, wearing just a shirt with no outer layer. It was shocking that he even had shoes on. 

He should have been looking for the woman who had called him, demanding every bit of information she had. But somehow, instinctively, his eyes searched for someone else—a familiar face. He prayed it was all some sort of misunderstanding. Maybe he was fooling himself, hoping to spot her among the people passing by. A part of him simply refused to accept the possibility that anything could have happened to her.

Nothing had happened.

She was fine.

Her blue eyes were soaking in the surroundings, their gaze carrying that faint sparkle that always appeared at night. Maybe there was even a smile on her lips. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—allow himself to imagine what might have happened to her. It felt as though the universe itself should be ashamed for ever entertaining the thought of harming her.

"Are you family?" the man at reception asked. Spencer nodded. "I'm sorry, but I can't provide you with any information,"

"Just tell me, is she alive?"

"I can't…"

"Just fucking tell me…"

"They’re operating on her right now," a voice spoke from behind him. Spencer turned and blinked. Only then did he realize he was in a hospital. Before, he’d only had a goal—an urgent need to get there. The surroundings were just beginning to take shape in his mind. He had never seen this woman before, but he guessed it had to be Jude. Her face was swollen from crying, but she seemed less shaken than during their call. She had probably accepted the sedatives. "Again. First, they spent almost four hours working on her neck… they said she was stable, asleep, but then suddenly there was that bleeding… I watched them take her out of the room right in front of me…"

“Did you see her?”

Unexpectedly, she hid her face in her hands.

“I didn’t know who to call. She mentioned you a few times, and I had your number, and I didn’t know what to do…” she began explaining chaotically, as if it mattered at all. “It’s my fault, you know, all of this is my fucking fault…”

They were standing right in front of the receptionist, blocking his access to others who needed help. Spencer snapped back to the moment, pulling her a few steps aside.

“W-what did you say? That they operated on her for four hours?”

“Yes, the first time…”

So, she had been there for at least four hours. Longer, considering the time needed after surgery before visiting a patient. Pain spread across his chest. While he was wondering why she hadn’t answered his calls, coming to various conclusions, she had been fighting for her life?

He... had been at work, moving around, talking to others, living, while all of this was happening? He felt as if... as if he had betrayed her. It was absurd, even he knew that. Despite the state he was in—tragic, to be precise—he understood just how absurd that thought was. But he couldn’t stop the guilt and shame that washed over him every time he tried to imagine her on the operating table while he had been completely unaware of her condition.

“I need to sit down," Jude muttered, and after a moment, they found themselves on narrow chairs lined along the hospital walls. Spencer barely managed to force his knees to bend, his body to settle into the seat.

He was only beginning to adjust to the foreign gravity that was pressing down on him.

In his head, there was only one thought, one resolution, one desire. The only thing that could save him from losing his mind in this waiting room.

"I need to see her."

"We have to wait," Jude replied, pressing her hand to her forehead. More tears appeared in her eyes. She wasn’t just terrified, she was completely falling apart. "We... we once gave each other permission to access information about our health. You know, in case of an accident. The doctors told me everything. A neck sprain. A concussion. Two broken ribs and a broken forearm." Although her speech had been unclear earlier, when she listed the injuries, she sounded like a movie announcer.

Spencer quickly realized that these words must have been echoing in her head since they were first told to her. The same thing had been happening to him. Each word was like a blow delivered with full force, and his extensive medical knowledge wasn’t helping him avoid panic. He was too aware of the danger and too aware of the suffering her poor body must have endured.

They both squeezed their eyes shut tightly. Spencer felt as though his temples might explode. Waiting. Was there anything worse in the world than waiting? Being stuck in ignorance, teetering between uncertainty, relief, and utter despair? Feeling all of it at once?

"How did this even happen?" he asked the woman sitting next to him.

He was sure he already knew the answer to that question. She didn’t even need to say it. It was enough to see how she dropped her gaze, heavy with pain, and how tightly her jaw clenched.

“She... fell down the stairs.”

Spencer wanted to scoff at the understatement. The real version of events couldn’t pass Jude’s lips, but in some way, he considered that a blessing. If Jude had openly admitted that she had been pushed, he might have crumbled under the weight of the fury flooding him. But for now, his anger didn’t matter. Only the passing time did.

He felt as if he hadn’t taken a single breath since leaving his apartment. Leaning his head back in his seat, he endured what felt like two whole days, then glanced at his watch only to realize that exactly forty-seven seconds had passed.

Time—a relative concept. In physics and in human perception. Einstein had proven it, and so had that particular moment.

He started to fear that he might never leave the waiting room. Memories and emotions began to blur together. He formed a theory: that he had been trapped there for quite some time—weeks, perhaps. Back when another loved one had been on the operating table, and he’d been losing his mind in much the same way.

Could it be that, under the strain of this torturous waiting, he’d lost his sanity? That his brain, desperate for relief, had simply imagined everything that followed? The trip to the library that night, finding himself at her door, the string lights on the Christmas tree, the Venus flytrap, the bar, opening the door that night and seeing her on the stairwell—at once flushed from a night spent at the club and chilled from the December air?

And now that illusion had simply shattered, like a fragment of broken glass. He was back in the waiting room again, waiting, hurting too much—and yet feeling as though he had no right to. His pain was nothing compared to what she was going through. He should be doing something, anything, to make himself useful, to not succumb to the weight of his own helplessness.

When the doctor finally approached them, Spencer almost knocked over his chair in his haste to stand. The doctor, however, focused solely on Jude as he delivered the update, leaving Spencer questioning whether he even existed.

“We managed to stop the bleeding. That’s the good news,” he began, his dark eyes unreadable—at once cool and concerned, with the practiced composure characteristic of people in his profession.

“Thank God,” Jude whispered, rubbing her chest as if trying to calm the frantic beating of her heart.

Spencer, on the other hand, felt no relief. Not even a sliver.

"‘That’s good news,’" he repeated the doctor’s words, drawing the man’s gaze to him. ‘But… but is there something bad?’

That brief moment before the doctor answered felt longer than nearly the past two hours of waiting.

“Due to suspected brain swelling, we had to induce a coma.’

“What?’ Jude mouthed silently. “How… how could she be in a coma? Why? Was that necessary?’

“They needed to reduce the intracranial pressure,’ Spencer replied, the words spilling from his mouth without him even realizing he was speaking. ‘The coma prevents further damage and minimizes the brain’s oxygen consumption. But will she… how long will she…?’

“Only for a few days,’ the doctor assured him, understanding the question he couldn’t quite form. “As long as there are no further complications or additional bleeding. But I can reassure you for now: there’s no indication of that. Her condition seems stable. She was… incredibly lucky. It was a serious accident—a miracle, a sheer miracle—that she didn’t break her spine.’"

For a moment, he couldn’t utter a single word, his throat still tight, and the relief never came. He knew he wouldn’t feel it until he saw her, fully conscious and awake. Until that happened, he would grimace every time he heard the word miracle. 

"When will I be able to see her?" he asked, surprisingly calm and composed. The question was so important to him that his voice didn’t tremble even once. In fact, it was the only thing that mattered right now.

"You’ll need to wait a few hours before visiting. We have to make sure there’s no risk of a sudden deterioration in her condition. Also, only authorized individuals can visit her."

The last part of the doctor’s statement felt almost like a slap in the face.

"How many hours?" he pressed, impatience creeping into his voice. "Two? Four? Six?"

"Please, calm down," the doctor asked, making a gesture with his hand.

“Eight?”

His voice grew increasingly sharp, desperately demanding an answer. The doctor opened his mouth to respond, but Jude interrupted with a question.

"As an authorized person, can I, on behalf of the patient, allow him to visit?" she asked, catching Spencer’s gaze for a brief moment before quickly turning away. "She would want this, I know it."

The doctor shook his head in refusal, providing them with a few more details about the surgery before turning to leave. Spencer watched him leave, something in him wavering between a sigh and a snort. So they wouldn’t even let him visit her? He understood the hospital procedures and rules perfectly well, but when it came to his own case, he hated them with all his heart. They wouldn’t allow him to see someone who meant so much to him, simply because they weren’t bound by blood or a ring on his finger. A ring on his finger… maybe he should lie and say they were engaged?  Although, would it really make any difference in the eyes of the hospital staff?

Before the loose fragments in his mind began to form a plan, he noticed that Jude was staring at him. She had sat down again, pressing her back tightly against the chair's backrest. She hadn’t cried for a while now; a certain relief had settled on her face when she heard the surgery had been successful, but then the old devastation returned, stronger than ever before.

"I won’t be able to visit her," she said, her voice hollow. "Not even while she’s unconscious. And when she wakes up, look her in the eyes. Tell me, how could I do that after everything? After all of this was my fault?"

Spencer turned away and walked off.

He knew that if he didn’t, something inside him would break. He couldn’t stop the anger he felt toward Jude. From what he knew, she had repeatedly refused to report her ex-boyfriend to the police, perhaps more or less aware of the danger he posed. She had the right to do so, theoretically. But that didn’t change the fact that someone else had suffered because of her foolish decision.

In his eyes she deserved the guilt she felt.

Not knowing what to do with himself, he found a place far from her, far from anyone, where he spent the next few hours, hardly moving. Sometimes he observed the relatives of other patients in the hospital, also broken, but he had some selfish feeling that even they wouldn’t understand what he felt. He placed himself on some distant, elite orbit of suffering and felt almost embarrassed by it. 

Pain always makes sure that a person feels as lonely and misunderstood as possible in it. That is when it has the most power over them.

He kept away from the windows, the darkness outside, slowly losing its intensity, putting him into a state of shock and contemplation. Maybe time was a relative concept, but that didn’t change the fact that it existed. Somewhere far away, there was light beyond this waiting room.

For some time now, he had been occupied with a certain task. He was aware of the hours passing and how, with them, his desperation grew. He felt he would go mad if he didn’t see her. The designated time during which the patient should be ensured complete rest after surgery had ended, yet he knew they wouldn’t let him in to see her. But he had a brain for a reason, right?"

He found the room where everything that mattered to him at that moment was. A young doctor was just leaving.

"Excuse me, ma'am,” he approached her politely, trying to appear calm, though his appearance and trembling hands clearly suggested otherwise. “I need to visit this patient.”

“Are you a relative?”

“No, actually…” He knew this was a desperate move and resorting to a lie, but he didn’t care. What was morality in his situation? Just a word. He reached for the badge he had with him and cleared his throat. “I’m with the FBI. I’ve been assigned to see this particular patient; it’s a matter that cannot be delayed."

Believe it or not, but people often lost their minds at the mere mention of the FBI. Spencer suspected that such a young doctor might have some gaps in experience and not know what procedures were in place in such a situation.

The surprised woman took a half step back.

“But she’s in a coma…” she said uncertainly, turning toward the room. “Are you sure it’s this patient?”

“Absolutely. And as I said, there’s no time to waste.”

He didn’t put his badge away, still holding it raised, with a serious expression on his face, as if he were interrogating someone. It was clear she was torn with doubt, but fortunately for him, she decided to give in without consulting the decision.

Spencer almost ran into the room, unable to hold back his impatience any longer. At first, he felt as if in a dream, one where you achieve your greatest goal. However, it quickly turned into a nightmare, all because of what he saw.

Whatever he had imagined, he was not prepared for this sight. 

Especially because before he even noticed her face, the face he was so desperate to see, he first noticed everything else surrounding it. The hospital equipment, the machines and devices monitoring her vital signs. The wide orthopedic collar tight around her neck. The sterile whiteness of it all, obscuring her and making her almost disappear against its backdrop. It wasn’t until he approached the bed, his legs weak and unsteady, that he started to look at her, but again, not specifically at her, but at the injuries. The sight of swollen temples, the sunken eyes, pale and dry lips, skin like a sheet of paper. Every injury on her body caused him unimaginable pain, so intense it almost stopped him from breathing. He felt so much anger and injustice that she had to go through this that he almost wanted to fall to his knees and apologize to her, beg for forgiveness. For what? He couldn’t decide. It wasn’t a need driven by logic, it was something deep inside him.

And that’s what he did, even though there was a place beside the bed where he could sit. He slowly knelt down, his hands touching the edge of the bed, but not her body. After all, he wasn’t about to risk causing her any pain due to his lack of control. But he had such an overwhelming desire to take her hand, the one whose fingers shyly peeked out from under the cast.

"I should have gone with you," he said, after about five minutes spent in complete silence, undisturbed even by his breath, which he was holding back. "I should have. Walked you to the door and made sure you got inside safely. I’m sorry…"

He felt that with his pitiful apologies, he was disturbing her peace. She needed it to fully rest. So, he fell silent again, alternating between looking at her with furrowed brows in tender concern and resting his forehead against the edge of the bed whenever the sight became too painful. While before, time seemed to crawl at the slowest possible pace, now it was racing forward wildly.

In his perception, barely a minute had passed when someone’s presence appeared behind him. He turned over his shoulder, noticing the young nurse who had let him in, and it took him a long time before he even realized it. After all, he had lied to her, saying it was some professional matter, yet she had found him kneeling by the hospital bed.

He quickly got to his feet, nervously rubbing his face.

“For the patient’s well-being, no visits should last longer than twenty minutes,” the woman said surprisingly gently, leaning slightly against the door with her shoulder. An unidentified expression lingered in her eyes, making them seem...warm.

He didn’t answer, just nodded. He no longer felt the need to play that little charade that had helped him get inside. He allowed himself one last long moment, looking at her face, peaceful in sleep. He passed the doctor in the doorway, feeling her eyes turn to him, and he did the same, out of curiosity. She smiled, sadly and with compassion.

"This had nothing to do with any FBI assignment, right?”

Her understanding seemed almost touching. However, Spencer, caught in the moment, quickly withdrew, once again making his way down the hospital corridors, now completely unsure of what to do with himself. He leaned against one of the walls, slowly feeling the fatigue from the entire night spent waiting to see her. He found his phone in his pocket, realized it was already morning, and that… Hotch had called him.

It was a quick collision with the outside world. He called back, as nothing else came to mind that he could focus on.

"Reid," the serious voice of his boss came through on the other end. "Why aren’t you at work, and why aren’t you answering?"

He needed to take a breath before he could respond.

"Sorry, Hotch," he said, trying not to sound weak, but that’s exactly how he sounded. Weak, a little pitiful, and on the verge of exhaustion. "Something... something really important happened, and... I... I won’t be able to come in today..."

Spencer realized he had no idea how to explain himself in this situation.

"I can’t remember the last day you were even late. What happened?" He didn’t answer. "Where are you?" Silence. "Spencer."

"It’s... a personal matter."

There was a brief silence from his boss, and Spencer could almost imagine how he furrowed his dark brows in confusion.

"I understand." His voice was tense, but not with disapproval, which surprised Spencer. More with... concern. Had he managed to read the seriousness of the situation just from his voice? Probably, after all, he was the best profiler Spencer knew. "You’ll need to explain later, but for now... take care of yourself. Do you need any help?”

He assured him insincerely that everything was fine and found an empty chair to sit in, hunched over. A strong pressure formed in his head, amplified by the helplessness and uncertainty about what he should do next. She was in a coma, and according to the doctor, she would be in it for the next few days. And what was he supposed to do during that time? He felt that physically, he could spend another hundred hours on that specific chair. Occasionally stretching his legs. It was his plan, one that seemed more real with every passing minute. At least, until a figure cast its shadow over him.

"Reid," a familiar voice spoke.

He looked up, surprised, at Morgan. His mouth was slightly open in confusion, his forehead deeply furrowed.

"What are you doing here?"

"How... how did you know where I was?" That was the first thing that came to his mind.

"Penelope. How she knew, I have no idea, but I’m starting to suspect that her joke about having us all chipped wasn’t really a joke. But anyway, what’s going on? Hotch told me you called, and you sounded... unsettling."

His friend was watching him closely. His wrinkled clothes, his tired face.

"So... Hotch sent you to find me?"

"Reid, you’re our friend. Did you really think we wouldn’t be worried about you?"

Spencer lowered his head, listening to his words. Derek was silent for a moment, his hands resting on his hips, his tense face scanning the surroundings. After a while, he focused his gaze back on him.

"Who is the person you’re visiting?"

He hesitated before answering, not because he didn’t want to share the information, but because he wasn’t sure how to refer to her. What should he call her? After all, it wasn’t like they were in an official relationship, and the word friend seemed to leave something unsaid.

“Someone... someone very important to me. She had an accident. She has... a cervical spine injury, and the doctors, suspecting brain swelling, decided to put her into a coma for a while.”

Morgan's eyes widened.

“Damn, Reid. I’m so... I’m so sorry.”

He sat down on the empty chair beside him, his face still showing shock. Exhausted, Spencer simply rested his head on his knees, no longer able to keep his posture straight. He felt drained, yet at the same time, he couldn’t bring himself to leave—couldn’t leave her…

Morgan’s hand fell onto his back, and finally, then sighed.

“Come here, man.”

With a firm pull, he drew him into an embrace.

Spencer found it hard to admit, even to himself, how much he needed this. No words left their mouths for a long while; only that brotherly, supportive embrace remained between them.

“Have you seen her?” Morgan asked after a while.

He confirmed, but didn’t reveal the circumstances. His friend paused for a moment, as if he wanted to say something but hesitated.

“Okay, listen to me. You need to get back to yourself.”

Spencer scoffed and shook his head, ready to argue.

“Let me finish. I know you don’t want to leave her right now, but with all due respect, you look like death. You need to eat and get some sleep.”

“I can’t,” Spencer replied firmly.

“You’re going to collapse soon. You said she’ll be in a coma for a few days. You won’t make it sitting here, think realistically. No one’s asking you to go back to work, you just need to rest.” He looked at him seriously, knowing how hard it would be to convince him. Finally, he sighed once more. “Do it for her, alright? Do you really think she’d want you to wear yourself out like this?”

He had no ready answer for that. Well, he did, but it sounded like no, she wouldn’t want that.

“I’ll take you home. For God’s sake, you came here without even a coat?”

It's a strange feeling to let someone take care of you. Completely. Derek not only drove him to his apartment but also came inside with him. There was no emotional discussion between them, which he found to be a relief. Silent support, he thought.

His relationship with the other team members had been tested after Emily's death���or at least, that's what he had thought up until now. He had begun isolating himself, not wanting to intrude on their grief or burden them with his own problems. But in reality—something he hadn’t seen until now—it had been the opposite. It strengthened their bond.

The next few days revolved mainly around hospital visits. Somehow, he had managed to gain visiting rights, and the time spent by her side filled him with a certain sense of calm. He could see how stable her vital signs were, and he clung to the doctors’ reassurances that she would regain consciousness in just a few days.

He once read a series of articles and interviews with people who had been in comas. Their accounts sometimes contradicted medical facts and often included embellishments, but a significant number of them mentioned remembering the voices of loved ones and certain sounds.

He didn’t want her to remember only the sounds of medical equipment from this period. But he also wasn’t sure what he could talk to her about. Would she want to hear about the overly salted carbonara that Garcia had forced an entire pot of on him? Or about the abstract mural being painted across from his apartment—something he was sure she would have liked?

In the end, he decided to read to her, though choosing what to read proved challenging. Sleeping Beauty seemed too ironic, even though she would probably laugh about it later. She had once told him Girl, Interrupted was her favorite book, but its hospital setting made him suspect she might prefer something that let her escape this place, even if only in her imagination. The Silence of the Lambs referenced one of their past conversations, but if a doctor overheard him reading it to her, he would surely be banned from visiting altogether.

“All right,” he began one day, sitting down in the chair by her bed. “I know you’re not a big fan of fantasy. And yes, you’ll have every right to call me out on this when you wake up. But still, I hope you’ll like it.”

Arabian Nights was a collection of tales and stories originating from the Middle East, India, and Persia. Somehow, he assumed that the mysterious, often nocturnal atmosphere might resonate with her, even soothe her. After all, night had always been her favorite time of day—the backdrop to so much of her life.

That day, as he was about to leave, he leaned slightly over her bed, lowering his voice to a whisper.

"Tomorrow, I'll read you a romance, how does that sound? But I’ll have to go to the bookstore because, despite your beliefs, I don’t have any in my collection. I wish I’d had more time to get to know your reading preferences better."

During none of his previous visits had he touched her, afraid it might disturb her peace in some negative way. Besides... in the state she was in, she looked so fragile and delicate that he feared even the slightest touch could hurt her. But that time, he simply couldn’t hold back. After a long internal struggle, he placed a very brief kiss on her forehead.

Spencer couldn’t keep his promise. While he did buy a romance novel recommended to him with enthusiasm by a young bookstore clerk, he never had the chance to read it to her.

The next day, he received a message. 

She had woken up. 

*

You didn’t remember much.

Only fragmented scraps. The memories began with a brief moment of complete physical helplessness, a terrible pain in your neck, and a series of flashing lights mingling with raised voices—even shouting. Then came silence, vile and terrifying.

But that wasn’t the end. Something came after the silence.

Softly spoken stories. For some reason, they were comforting. In your mind, only a few blurred images remained—no clear events or words. What you remembered most was that soothing, calm voice. It felt like an embrace, like warm bedding, the first rays of cosmic light piercing through clouds, or the gentle chill of evening air.

It was… beautiful. But it couldn’t last forever. After an indeterminate amount of time, your body decided to reject that comfort and tried to open its eyes. It was an excruciating effort. You sighed with the strain. The first colors and surreal shapes began to appear before you. Slowly, you started to become aware of your existence, yet at the same time, you felt suspended somewhere outside your body and mind—alone and terrified.

The sensations were both faint and overwhelmingly intense, making you want to hide, to somehow cut yourself off from them. Yet you were equally afraid to close your eyes again. You muttered things that made no sense. You remained in this panicked state until two tiny brown points hovered above you, widening with concern. Only then were you able to calm down—at least enough to stop straining your body with attempts to move. Attempts, because your body seemed entirely unwilling to follow your commands.

The fear buried itself deep within you, drilling into your chest. At first, it suffocated you, but eventually, it began to weaken and fade.

This was how the first hours after waking from the coma unfolded.

Weakness, disorientation, mumbling, pain, discomfort, and light sensitivity.

It took a long time before you regained awareness of being in a hospital. Even more time passed before you remembered why. And then, your own condition and state.

You were so incredibly weak that it filled you with disgust, terrified by how much effort even the smallest movement required—like the twitch of a finger or the blink of an eye. Frustrated by it all, you cried, and he cried too. But his tears were born of relief and joy.

Those two specific emotions reached you the latest—only after they transferred you to a different ward, and your thoughts began to clear. Relief and joy. Hand in hand with fear and anxiety. 

It felt so unreal, yet it was real—real like nothing else, and it held you tightly, exactly the way you needed it to.

*

Spencer was aware that her awakening was just another step in a very long journey.

His medical knowledge, modestly speaking, was fairly extensive, and he understood the gravity of the injuries she had sustained. Their first meeting after she had opened her eyes for the first time was nothing like a scene from a movie. She was confused, still drowsy, and as she slowly started to comprehend everything, she was primarily terrified. Her body, after the time spent in the coma, though brief, was extremely weak, and every little movement exhausted her as though she had just run a marathon.

The fear on her face pierced his chest.

He had the impression that none of the words he spoke, almost whispered in an attempt to calm her, were having any effect.

"I... I can't move," she stammered as one of the first things she said. Her eyes intensely focused on his face, searching for safety in it, and he feared he wouldn't be able to provide it for her.

"It's just temporary," he reassured her gently, leaning over her bed and trying to smile, but it came out uncertain, he was too worried about her condition. "The doctors say so, and that's the truth. Your body is just very weak right now."

"Will... will it be like this forever?"

"No, no, it will pass. I promise, it will pass," he nodded fervently. She hesitated and took a breath, as though discovering an entirely new action. But as soon as she did, out of fear, it became fast and irregular. He was terrified that his touch might cause her pain, but he didn't know what else he could do to help her. Gently, as gently as he could, he placed his hand on her cheek, barely grazing it with his thumb. "You'll feel better soon. Really, it won’t be long now. For now... just don’t overexert yourself, please, breathe."

At first, she flinched. He wanted to withdraw his hand as quickly as possible, but then he felt her press her face against it, almost nuzzling into it. A shy tear danced in one of her eyes, barely noticeable.

"It’s good to see you," she said after a brief silence, a soft sigh escaping her lips—almost like a laugh, though it didn’t quite make it. Her breath was still shallow and uneven, but with each passing moment, it seemed to steady as he held her close.

And in that moment, seeing her like that, feeling her presence so close, a smile spread across his face—a smile so genuine, so long-awaited—and with it came the tears he’d been holding back for what felt like forever.

"I feel the same," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "You have no idea how much."

*

The orthopedic collar pissed you off like nothing else.

It wasn’t even the discomfort that bothered you, it was just... the collar was such a painful reminder of your condition, a testament to what you had been through. And you were supposed to wear it for another six to eight weeks.

Two weeks after waking from the coma, preparations for leaving the hospital were beginning. The risk of brain swelling had subsided, the injuries were healing, and the concussion still made its presence known, but the pain was no longer as intense. You could even have a normal conversation, which you seized almost immediately, striking up a chat with the teenage girl in the bed next to you, her sad expression tugging at your heart.

Few people visited you; you preferred that the two most important ones could spend as much time with you as possible, rather than inviting coworkers or acquaintances you hadn’t spoken to in months. The two most important people.

Spencer had been with you since the moment you woke up, and as the doctor confessed to you with a small smile, he had also stayed by your side while you were in a coma. You were in shock. Not because he had done it—it made perfect sense, given his caring nature. The shock came from the simple fact that one person could care so deeply about another, about you.

It didn’t take long for you to realize that the moments when he visited you became your favorite part of the entire day. And not just because they revolved around checking your condition, tests, and the first, incredibly light rehabilitation exercises. You simply found yourself waiting for the moment he would appear in that doorway again, holding his coat in hand, smiling.

"Hello, handsome stranger," you greeted him one day, the first day you were starting to feel better.

 Spencer stopped at the sound of that term, tilting his head with an even wider smile.

 "How else did I used to call you?" you mused aloud. "Ah, I used to call you Mr. Mysterious. But I suppose that's no longer fitting, you smile too much to seem mysterious."

 "Because I have a reason," he replied, stopping beside your bed and glancing at the flowers placed there, the ones that had greeted you when you woke up that day. "But in that case, 'Handsome stranger' doesn’t fit either, since you know me now."

"But you are handsome. Half of it fits, so I have the right to call you that. Who... who sent me these flowers?"

"Better question would be, who didn’t send you those?" he muttered, referring to their large number. You could only admire them—the beautiful, colorful arrangements—but you hadn’t had the chance to read the notes and messages attached. Spencer glanced at one of them, his smile fading, though not in a bad way... somehow, the expression that appeared on his face was even more pleasing than his smile. "This... this one’s from my team."

You were simply speechless.

 "They... they even know I exist?"

 "Of course they do, how could they not?" Spencer paused for a moment, looking at you thoughtfully. "They... they were with me the whole time you were in a coma. They helped me keep my head together."

 "Don’t exaggerate," you tried to dispel the sudden serious mood. You didn’t want to delude yourself into thinking he had been that worried about you during that time. 

 "It’s not an exaggeration," he replied briefly and seriously, his face almost motionless.

For a moment, you fell silent, your hands resting on the blanket in front of you.

 "Sorry, Spencer. I just realized I’ve never thanked you for this..."

"What?" he asked, surprised, his brows furrowing. "This isn’t something you have to thank me for..."

"But I feel like I have to. This... this isn’t some small, silly favor. You really did so much for me... I still don’t fully understand why..."

 "You don’t understand why?"

"Yeah," you sighed uncertainly, not sure how to put it into words. "Don’t get me wrong... I’m so grateful to you, it’s just... look at it this way. We didn’t know each other that long, we saw each other rarely. We slept together once. It’s not like you were…obligated to help me."

"I didn’t have to be obligated to do it," he said after a moment of hesitation, circling your bed and sitting on the edge, just barely touching it. "And I didn’t have to know you for years. I just wanted to do it because of how much I cared about you. And if that explanation doesn’t convince you... then..." He swallowed hard. "Remember, you were there for me during one of the worst moments of my life."

“It’s not the same...”

 “Oh, but it is. For me, it is. But I don’t want you to think that I was there for you because I felt like I owed you something. Or that I had to... I don’t know... repay you in some way. That’s not it at all.”

You didn’t answer, something tight gripped your throat. You just tilted your head, overwhelmed with emotion, speechless. The only thing you truly wanted to do was stretch out your arms and drape them around his neck, resting your chin on his shoulder. Spencer sighed, surprised and tense. It wasn’t until a brief moment passed that his hands gently touched your back.

“How much longer are you going to act like I’m made of glass?” you asked.

You knew his caution was justified, but Jesus. You just really wanted to hug him properly.

“Probably forever,” he replied, to which you rolled your eyes.

He was the one to break the hug, but in compensation, he quickly kissed the top of your head. You leaned back against the bed, feeling a pleasant sensation in your stomach. Spencer returned to the flowers to tell you who had sent them all.

“So these are from my team,” he picked up the lost thread, pointing to the arrangement of white and pink carnations. He chuckled. “And I’m pretty sure Penelope picked them out, not just because her name is listed first. White represents perseverance and strength. Pink stands for admiration and respect.”

“That’s really thoughtful. And beautiful. I’ll have to thank them. And these tulips?”

Spencer took the note attached to the mentioned flowers between his fingers.

“From... Jerry.”

“What? My husband sent me flowers?”

 “What?” He jerked his head up in surprise.

You laughed so hard at the look on his face that it made you wince in your ribs.

 “I’m fucking kidding, you fool,” you replied, clutching your side with a groan. “Jerry is the librarian. You should know him. He once asked me what flowers he should buy for his wife, and I suggested yellow tulips. By the way, it's so nice of him”.

You said it affectionately, but it sounded incredibly weak. Along with the pain in your ribs, a headache joined in, and suddenly all the energy you'd had earlier evaporated.

“What's happening? Should I call a doctor?”

“No,” you shook your head in refusal. “I just need to lie down for a moment. Come here.”

Spencer followed your request and sat beside your bed, his body a little stiff, as if in guilt.

"I'm sorry I made you laugh."

"That's probably the strangest thing you could apologize for," you muttered, lying down in the position that was best for your neck, one you almost hated as much as the orthopedic collar. "Well, I guess I could come up with something stranger. Sorry I left that million dollars in your nightstand. It won't happen again."

"I'm not sure if this kind of chatter is particularly good for your condition."

"It helps me mentally, and that's what matters most. Besides, stop complaining."

"How could I possibly dare?"

He fell silent, simply watching you with quiet concern. You closed your eyes for a moment, unsure if you might accidentally drift off. After spending a week in a coma, your sleep routine had become completely erratic. You slept through the nights, mostly because there was little else to do, and you didn’t want to disturb the other patients in the ward. During the day, Spencer would visit, and you wanted to be as rested as possible when he was around.

When he wasn’t there, you sometimes napped during the day as well. According to the doctors, it was one of the best things you could do for your recovery—sleep and rest as much as your body needed.

"Is something bothering you?" he asked.

You hesitated for a long moment, because yes, something was weighing heavily on your mind. Had he guessed, or had he read it on your face?

“It’s just…” you began with a sigh. “You know Jude barely visits me? I mean, she shows up every day, but… she’s so tense and distant when she’s here. She doesn’t say much, and she won’t look me in the eyes.”

"She’s blaming herself," Spencer said softly.

“God, that’s so stupid,” you muttered.

You had a strange relationship with the accident. You thought about it as little as possible, keeping it at arm’s length. You knew Richard had been arrested, but you didn’t want to know the details of his sentencing. In no way did you see any of it as Jude’s fault, and it hurt you deeply to think that she did.

You spent a quiet moment together before Spencer leaned over you again, intending to kiss your forehead.

“I’m sorry, but I’ll have to go now,” he said, to which you nodded in understanding.

But then you shifted your head, pulling back just enough to stop him from brushing his lips against your forehead. He looked at you, puzzled, since you’d never minded it before.

This time, though, you wanted him to kiss you on the lips.

He kissed you slowly. You had almost forgotten how he tasted.

After that, you didn’t bother opening your eyes again. You let yourself imagine that he wasn’t leaving at all, and with that comforting thought, you drifted off to sleep.

*

Spencer had felt strange since the morning.

 Energized and excited. In the absolute best possible way.

That day, he could finally take her home. Well, to his apartment. She needed someone to take care of her, and he felt honored to be that person.

The day before, he had made a very important, yet difficult decision. He invited JJ over and confessed everything to her—about the past few weeks and his struggles with relapsing into addiction. He needed to rid himself of that burden. Besides, he had promised himself that as long as she was living with him, not even the smallest dose of Dilaudid would find its way inside. Never again.

In his worst moments, he imagined that his friend would react with disgust—pure, painful disgust—and push him away. Instead, her eyes filled with something strange the moment he began to speak about how he had felt after Emily's death. Over and over, she whispered apologies, as though she were the one responsible for it.

He still missed Emily, of course, and he knew he would always miss her. That was just the way of things—people left, and it was up to you to decide whether you would remember them with heartbreaking despair or with a wistful sigh. In fact, these were merely two ends of the same spectrum, and it was very easy to get stuck at the beginning, unable to move forward.

She was surprisingly quiet in the car and seemed depressed. Actually, it was hard not to blame her. She had spent a long time in the hospital, gotten used to that routine, and the change made her feel lost. Sitting in the passenger seat, she kept her gaze fixed ahead, but not on the road. She couldn’t see where they were headed, which made it difficult for Spencer to tell her something… at least important.

 When they stopped, she furrowed her brow in surprise.

 “Why are we here?”

They were parked under his apartment, and she had been under the impression they were heading to her place.

 “Sorry, I should’ve told you earlier, I really apologize,” Spencer blurted out in one breath, chaotically. “I absolutely realize that this is like putting you in a situation you didn’t expect, but… but when you were in the hospital, Jude found herself a new roommate. She didn’t really know how to tell you, but she had to do it because she couldn’t afford the rent on her own.”

For a long moment, she stared at him in silence, her face a mixture of shock, followed by understanding. She took a deep breath.

 “Okay,” she muttered. “I understand her, I just… I don’t understand why she didn’t tell me this herself.”

Their relationship still remained deeply complicated, put to the test by guilt. Spencer couldn’t say much about it. It was something between the two of them, and he hardly knew Jude at all.

 “I’m also sorry for asking you this so late,” he continued after a moment. “But… you can’t live alone, you know that. Someone… someone needs to be with you over the next few weeks and… I’m willing to be that person.”

Her lips remained slightly parted for a moment.

“You want… no, wait, you want me to move in with you?” It was clearly a rhetorical question, because before he could answer, she started shaking her head. “Spencer, I can’t. I can’t be that burden for you.”

“A burden? You’re not…”

“But I will be. In the next few weeks, I definitely will be.”

He took his hands off the steering wheel, placing them loosely on his knees.

“Can you… can you look at me for a moment?” he asked.

It took a moment before she hesitantly met his gaze. Her eyes were filled with embarrassed tears, tears full of unjust shame. Seeing this, pain spread through his chest.

“If the accident hadn’t happened, would you want to live with me?”

 Her lips remained pressed together, and she sighed.

 “It’s a big decision. Aside from the fact that if it weren’t for the accident, I wouldn’t even have to consider this option…”

“I just want to know if you would want to. Don’t think of it as an option, just as… a completely normal, life decision. Do you think you’d be able to handle having me around every day?”

She couldn’t help it, and her lips curled into a slight smile.

“We could try,” she finally replied.

Spencer straightened his arms.

“In that case, let’s go inside.”

 “No, wait, it’s not that simple! My opinion shouldn’t matter; it’s you who needs to think about whether you want this…”

 “I do.”

She snorted, resigned, not knowing what else to say.

“I can’t even tie my own shoes,” she tried one last time.

“I’ll gladly do it for you. What’s more, I know all kinds of knots. Simple, sailor’s, Chinese…”

“Spencer Reid, you’re impossible.”

For the rest of the day, she tried every possible way to talk him out of his decision. But when she finally accepted it, she struggled to accept his help with tasks she couldn’t do on her own.

 It wasn’t until later that he realized how much she had been pretending in the hospital. He had only seen her for a fraction of her day, and she seemed so positive then. But this temporary disability had really taken a toll on her mentally. He could repeat and assure her, completely sincerely, that she wasn’t a burden to him, but deep down, she still believed otherwise.

So, when two days later, she timidly appeared in the bedroom doorway with the question of whether he could help her wash her hair, Spencer felt like he had won the lottery.

“Sure,” he agreed, probably a bit too enthusiastically, jumping to his feet so quickly that he almost tripped.

She pretended not to notice.

In the bathroom, he slowly helped her pull the shirt over her head, careful not to catch it on the collar still around her neck or accidentally cause her any pain. 

“Be careful not to tilt your head too much, okay?” he asked, wetting her hair with the showerhead. She closed her eyes when a few drops of water splashed onto them. “Sorry!”

“For god's sake, Spencer, you're doing it more carefully than I would have done myself.”

It was true; he was acting as if he were performing some task at work that required absolute precision. He shrugged, massaging the strawberry shampoo into her hair. Foam quickly appeared, smelling sweet.

Suddenly, her hands tightened around the front of his shirt.

“Sorry,” she whispered, loosening her grip. “I got a little dizzy.”

Spencer immediately pressed his hands, still covered in shampoo, to her waist, afraid she might fall. He stared at her face for a long moment, waiting for the dizziness to pass.

And just then, her body suddenly went limp, falling forward.

Terrified, he let out a strangled cry.

“Hold on, please, don’t fall!” he kept repeating, doing everything he could to keep her upright.

Her hands hung limply on his shoulders, the foam and water soaking into his shirt, but he didn’t care at all.

“I’m right here, hold on to me as much as you can. C-c-can you hear me at all?”

He wondered whether it would be better to stand her up or lay her down while he could get to the phone and call an ambulance, when suddenly her weak touch grew stronger, and she let out a soft groan.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologizing. I’m still holding you, can you hear me?”

His heart was pounding incredibly fast as she gently pulled her head away from his chest. He, of course, didn’t let her stand on her own, constantly supporting her body, protecting her from a fall that could be disastrous.

Together, they left the shower cabin, her hair still covered in foam.

“Are you aware that this is how it’s going to look now?” she asked seriously.

Completely unfazed, he wiped the foam from her forehead, which was dangerously close to her eyes.

“I’d rather have you lose consciousness in my bathroom, right next to me, than risk… I don’t know, cracking your head open.”

For a moment, she was silent, the color beginning to return to her pale face, her gaze becoming more alert. He had a strange feeling that she was about to start crying, and since he really didn’t want that, he pulled her close again, in his usual protective gesture. Everything around them smelled of strawberries.

“Do you really have to be this good?”

Spencer snorted.

“I’m afraid it’s just my curse.”

*

“Are these people really arguing about whether a cucumber is a fruit or a vegetable?”

Sitting on the couch, you jumped when a voice spoke right behind you. At the last second, you caught your laptop before it slipped off your lap. You had been reading some absurd discussion on an online forum you stumbled upon completely by accident. And yes, these users were indeed arguing about whether a cucumber is a fruit or a vegetable.

“Damn it, Spencer!” you shouted, putting your hand over your heart, which was pounding in an agitated rhythm. You looked at your boyfriend with a scowl. “You almost gave me a heart attack. How is it possible I didn’t hear you come in?”

He shrugged. Leaning his elbows on the back of the couch, the rolled-up sleeves of his shirt revealed the skin of his forearms. In that position, he had a perfect view of the screen on your laptop. He had just returned from work, a rainy July evening, his hair slightly damp.

“I wasn’t sneaking around. You must’ve just been lost in thought. Want to tell me what’s occupying that beautiful mind of yours?” He leaned in to place a kiss on your temple.

“Beautiful mind, huh?” you repeated, raising an eyebrow. “Just a few days ago, you told me that if a 19th-century priest heard even one thought from my head, he’d go into anaphylactic shock. Whatever that was supposed to mean.”

"In a big simplification, what I meant is that even though I love you, sometimes your way of thinking scares me."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"By the way, I bought land for Alexander."

Alexander was your new flycatcher, which had grown so much that it completely prevented the other flowers on the windowsill from growing. Due to its conqueror tendencies, you decided to name it after one of them.

"Do you want to repot it into a new pot now...?"

"No. Now you need to come to me."

You set the laptop aside and waited for him to take a seat on the couch. Before fully snuggling into him, you untied and removed the tie from his neck, then unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt, just the way you liked.

You sighed almost instantly; his body was more comfortable than a pillow. Warm, with your favorite scent. You rested your head on his chest as his fingers gently combed through your hair.

In the first few weeks after you were discharged from the hospital, you couldn’t even sleep in the same bed. There was a risk that, in his sleep, he might accidentally bump into your neck and cause damage. Spencer enforced that rule strictly, as he did with every precaution related to your health.

Six months had passed since the accident, and for the past four months, you hadn’t worn a neck brace or needed help with daily tasks. But that didn’t change the fact that, sometimes, when you showered together, he would wash your hair just like he used to. Anyway, you were still attending rehabilitation and would need to for a long time, but despite that, you felt like you had fully returned to normal life.

You lifted yourself slightly to look at his face.

"I was walking to the bar today," you began.

You’d been considering going back to work for a while now, and the doctors had assured you there was no reason you couldn’t. You wanted something to occupy your hands and craved the sense of purpose that came with a task. You’d mentioned it to Spencer long ago, so he didn’t seem surprised when you brought it up.

"And? Will they take you back?"

"No. I mean, it’s not that they don’t want to, I just didn’t get there. That’s why I said I was walking and not that I went to a bar. Are you following?"

"I'm trying."

"So, listen to this. I took the subway and got off at that station near the room I used to rent."

The landlord had asked for the keys back shortly after your accident. Your arrangement had been that, in exchange for using the space, you cleaned it daily. Of course, you hadn’t been able to keep up with that anymore.

"...And I don't know, I was overwhelmed by this strange feeling, like I wanted to go back to it. Helping people."

"You help people all the time," Spencer reminded you. "All our neighbors come to you to vent about everything happening in their lives."

"That's true, but I mean, you know, professional help," you said, taking a deeper breath. You couldn't decide whether you were more excited or nervous about the decision. "I've been thinking about going back to uni, Spencer."

He straightened up, almost causing you to slide off his chest. Filled with tension, you watched his reaction closely. You’d spent the entire day wondering what he might say. Would he share your enthusiasm and support your plans, or would he try to talk you out of it, reasoning that you’d dropped out of school once and might not manage it again?

These thoughts were incredibly silly. Spencer—knowledge-obsessed, ever-curious Spencer—would never say something like that.

Instead, he pulled you into a tight embrace, whispering how incredible the idea was. You melted into it completely, feeling more elated than ever and unable to stop thinking about the crazy chain of cause and effect that had led to this specific moment, this particular relationship, and above all, this exact happiness. 

do you accept this overly sweet ending as my apology? :> tagging: @nightfullofparadox @lillaberry @fortheloveofgubler @opheliahotchner @cowboy1ikereid @penelopegarciaismygf

sorry if i forgot about someone!

[flemingsfreckles]

Physio’s Daughter pt.5

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Read the previous parts HERE

Warnings: cursing

WC: 4.0k

A/N: hi :) enjoy (if you’re reading this the same day it was posted and want to help make a decision on the future of this story go vote on the poll on my feed)

The players ended up with way more downtime than the staff during the week before you all left for Paris they were really only responsible for keeping their bodies ready to play and showing up to get on the plane. You and the rest of the staff had meetings, more paperwork, you all had to pack your equipment away, it took more hours of your time than you had expected.

This meant you had to turn down Jessie on three different occasions when she asked you to coffee.

The first time Jessie shook off the rejection. Not thinking much about it, you were obviously busy with work and didn’t have the time that day.

“I’m wrapping up here. Want to grab a coffee this afternoon?” She stuck her head into your office.

“I would Jessie but I’m not out of here until 5 tonight. Plus should we be grabbing coffee?” You give her a questioning look. You had agreed to friends now, friends grabbed coffee but it felt like a gateway to something more with her.

“Oh, okay, sorry I didn’t realize you had to work so late.”

She shook you off, walking back over to her locker to grab her stuff and leave for the day, having to stop alone for coffee.

She didn’t stop asking, one thing about that girl, she loved to stop by your office and she also loved to get coffee.

“Coffee? Do you have a lunch break at some point?” Jessie’s head once again swung around your office door early in the morning when players were released for a couple hours break before having to return in the evening for film.

You sigh throwing your hands up, gesturing to the pile of papers in front of you “I’m supposed to get a lunch but I think I have more travel paperwork to do during that time, I don’t know Kelly from the administration called and-”

“Don’t worry about it.” You notice the tight lipped half smile she gives you. You so badly wanted to say fuck it to the paperwork and go get coffee with Jessie, you’d get coffee with that woman every second of every day if you could. But you had work. You were at work and she was your coworker.

Insistent on getting you to say yes, Jessie offers another plan. “What about tomorrow morning since it’s a later start? Before we come in?”

“Tomorrow I have to be here at normal times, it’s just you guys who get to come in late.” You give her a frown.

“Look if you don’t want to come to coffee with me, that’s okay, just say that though.” Her voice is quiet but she looks frustrated with you. Her eyebrows furrowed, upset lines on her forehead.

“No! Jessie, I do! I do want to get coffee with you, just, this isn’t a great week. I’ve still got a ton of work to get done before we leave. As the newbie on the staff I get all the simple but time consuming work no one else wants. Unfortunately the next few weeks will be just as crazy for both of us.”

“Okay.” She turns to leave “I’m sorry for bothering you.” Before you can really stop her to explain that she’s not a bother and honestly the short chats you get with her are the highlight of your day, she exits the door. And you're left alone in your office, a massive pile of paperwork to still get done.

With only two days left before you had to fly to Paris you were trying to get most of your work done today. You didn’t want to have to deal with work and the stress of packing tomorrow. You curse yourself for not packing sooner. You end up in the office until it’s dark outside checking your watch and seeing it was 7:30 at night. Your mom had left the office two hours ago, giving you a kiss on the head and telling you not to stay up too late.

You focus in, getting tunnel vision on the paperwork, racing through the stack of papers, until your phone goes off.

Jessie Fleming: what time do you have to be in tomorrow?

A text from Jessie has your phone vibrating in your lap. You pick it up and respond, wondering why she would need to know.

You: 5:30

You: Do you need treatment? Is your calf alright?

Jessie Fleming: So the facility will be open at 5:30? Calf is fine but I’m trying to get in some extra recovery and stretching, feeling a bit tight after today's work.

You: Yeah it should be, for all I know I might still be here when you show up.

Jessie Fleming: You’re still there?

You: I am

You: sent an image

You send Jessie a selfie of you, smiling in your desk chair, a significantly smaller stack of papers than she saw you with earlier in the day.

Jessie Fleming: sent an image

The image is her, in what you assumed was her Canadian apartment bed, a soft smile on her face, her head resting on a pillow with light gray cover on it. What also stands out to you is the way her sheet is pulled up, just under her collarbones. You can see her collarbones, she wasn’t wearing a shirt.

You: Why are you in bed this early?

You: Do you sleep shirtless?

You regret hitting send on the second message when you actually see that she’s typing.

Jessie Fleming: That’s professional to ask

Jessie Fleming: But yes

Jessie Fleming: Most of the time

Jessie Fleming: Obviously not when I have travel roommates or anything, but I’m in my own place for the next few days so I’m enjoying it before a lot of hotels with Janine.

Jessie Fleming: And I’m in bed because I’m watching a documentary and I’ve been told to get as much sleep as I can by the training staff at work.

Jessie Fleming: Especially this new young girl, she has been on my case about taking care of myself and whatever, but she’s cute so I gave her a pass.

The mention of Janine has your mind thinking back to the other day, Janine grabbing Jessie and whispering to her before she gave you a look that felt like she suddenly knew everything. You wanted to ask Jessie about it but now probably wasn’t the best time.

You: I sleep like that too, more comfortable

You: I’m sure that girl is just looking out for you.

Jessie Fleming: I know, right? I tried to tell that to so many of my teammates, none of them listen.

Jessie Fleming: stop texting me, go back to work so you can go home.

You: you’re the one texting me

Jessie Fleming: shhhhh

You: 🙄

You put your phone away, putting it on silent so there was no temptation to text Jessie, having no idea if she had responded. You finish your paperwork, finally standing up your back and knees both cracking as you stretch. You check you phone as you walk to the car, seeing it was 8:22. You’d have to go home, get dinner, shower, all to get up at 4:30 to be at work by 5:30.

A message from Jessie sits on your screen. You debate texting her back but you don’t want to wake her if she’s already gone to sleep.

Jessie Fleming: Have a good night, hope you’re not at work too late :)

When you sit back at your desk the next morning you feel deja vu, feeling like you never left. The only difference is there is no longer a pile of work in front of you, you thank yourself for staying to complete it all last night. You lean forward letting your head rest on your desk for a moment.

“Hi!” Jessie comes around the corner of your office, sounding way too chipper for 5:30 in the morning, but then again she was able to be in bed at 7:30. You look up to her to see her carrying two coffees. She approaches you and sticks her hand out offering you one of the drinks. You were so grateful, you had opted for 5 minutes of extra sleep in the morning instead of getting a coffee and you were starting to regret that decision.

“Should you really be showing up to my office with coffee? You do remember what happened last time you did that, right?” You question her, squinting at her across your desk and sending a glance to the wall where she had pinned you.

“Maybe that’s why I’m doing it, maybe I liked what happened last time.” She pauses, tilting her head, thinking back to the memory. “Except not when your Mom walked in, I didn’t like that, that was terrifying.” A quick grimace follows by a smile comes across her face.

“Jessie, we can’t.”

“I know, I know.” She sounds defeated. “I just figured since going out for coffee doesn’t really fit into your schedule right now, I’d just bring it to you. I promise I’m not trying to get anything out of you.” She sits down in the seat across from you.

“How late were you here last night?” Jessie’s phone buzzes on the table, she ignores it.

“Just before 9.”

“Oh wow, I was asleep by then.” You envy her early bedtime.

“Yeah so I am incredibly grateful for this, thank you.” You shake your coffee cup as her phone lights up with another notification. This time your eyes trail to it. You’re not trying to look at her messages but you just can’t help but glance at the lit up screen.

Jessie noticed your eyes' quick movement toward her phone, “Sorry that’s just Janine, I told her I was coming in to do some early recovery and she’s giving me a hard time about it.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s just teasing me.” She pauses, “about you.” She uses her coffee cup in her hand to point at you.

“Oh, did you tell her? She gave me a weird look the other day, after you came back and we hugged in the training room, you two walked out together and she sort of stared at me. So did you tell her? About the kiss I mean?” Finally getting an appropriate time to ask what was up with Janine’s look.

“It may have slipped out, one of the times I was talking about you. But she’s been teasing me about you since before that.” Jessie looks down to type back to Janine on her phone.

“Jessie!” Her head snapped back up when she heard you scolding her name. Knowing someone else knows about your kiss, someone you didn’t yet know well enough, makes you uneasy. “You can’t just be telling people that!”

“It’s Janine, she’s my best friend, she knows me too well, she knew something happened and asked. I didn't think it would be a big deal, she’s not going to tell anyone.” Jessie defends herself.

“I get that you think that Jessie, but if she slips up, next thing the whole team knows, then it gets out, you’ll get in trouble for sleeping with the student trainer, who’s 4 years younger than you.” You were spiraling, you’re not sure if you believe what you’re saying or if your mom had just scared you into it. You didn’t want your own career to be at risk and you definitely didn’t want Jessie getting in trouble.

“We haven’t slept together, plus you’re an adult, it’s not like I’m 20 and you’re 16! We’re both grown.”

“I know that, but good luck telling that to anyone else, they won’t listen!”

“I really didn’t mean to tell her, it just sort of slipped out and I’m sorry. I didn’t think it would be an issue.” Jessie crosses her arms across her chest, she feels less warm than usual, less friendly, less inviting.

Only, it felt like it was a problem that she had told people. You weren’t sure why Jessie would think it was okay to go around telling people about your kiss without at least checking in with you. A small bubble of frustration with the woman sitting across from you started to build.

“Jessie, if people find out I could get fired! Sure, it might temporarily make your image bad but you’re too damn good, you’ll stay Captain, you’ll keep getting your call ups, keep being desired by different clubs, it won’t ruin your career like it could mine.”

“Nothing is going to get out, nothings going to happen, it’s not that big of a deal!” Now Jessie is raising her voice at you slightly. She’s leaning across your desk.

“Maybe it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal that to you, but it is to me.” You yell back, thankful that no one else was in at the office yet. You take a breath realizing this argument was not something you needed to be doing at 5:30 in the morning. “You should probably go do your recovery. I have things to get done” You point to the doorway.

“Oh.” It’s obvious the sadness on Jessie’s face and in her voice. A sudden change from her argumentative demeanor. “Yeah, I’m going to do that.” She pushed back from your desk. “I’m sorry.”

You let her walk out without saying anything. She doesn’t close your office door on her way out. Feeling stupid about the argument, you let your forehead come crashing back onto your desk with a loud thud, a lot harder than you intended.

“You okay?” You hear Jessie ask, hearing the sound of your head against your desk from the other room.

“Yeah, all good.” You groan back. You didn’t want her to care and feel the need to check on you. You know you shouldn’t care about he either but you can’t help yourself.

Despite being quite annoyed with Jessie at the moment, you’re unable to look away every time she passes by your door, doing exercises or walking across the room to get equipment. Time goes on and then you hear her digging in the ice cooler, the sound of a plastic bag and some shuffling around.

“Stupid wrap.” Hearing her talking to herself you stand up from your chair, it was your job after all to help with these things. You see her struggling to hold and secure a bag of ice she had made to her calf.

“Let me help you.” You offer empty hands to take the ice bag from her, grabbing the wrap and squatting in front of her to help her get it tight on her leg.

“Thanks.” She gives you a smile, the way she was grinning looking down at you sent a shiver through your body.

“Is it still treating you okay?” You look up at her from where you’re kneeling in front of her.

“Yeah it’s been good, just being overly cautious with it still, that’s why I’m doing all this.” She points down where your hands were wrapping the ice bag. You just nod, returning your focus to what you were doing instead of staring up at the girl’s pretty brown eyes.

You let the silence sit between the two of you for only a second before you break it.

“I’m sorry for how I reacted in the office just now. I think I’m just a little paranoid, we’re adults, we’re allowed to do what we’re doing technically. I just didn’t think you’d be going around talking about me and the fact that you kissed me.” You stand up.

“To be fair, I’m not going around talking about you to everyone, it’s really just been to Janine, she made some comments about you before we had even really talked much, she knows me too well. She knew I was interested, so she made some comments about me finding you pretty to which I blushed and she was onto me right away apparently I’m not great at hiding my crushes.” She looks down at her feet.

“I just freaked out, knowing that someone else knows that you had me against the wall, in my office.”

“If it helps, she doesn’t know I pinned you to the wall.” Jessie’s face is now a bright red. It’s suddenly very obvious to you how close the two of you we’re standing, face to face. It’s apparent that you can make out all the little details of her face, where each freckle sat across her nose and cheeks, you could see it all. Despite still being upset and frustrated with Jessie for telling Janine about your previous kiss, you suddenly don’t care and have the desire to kiss her all over again.

“Jessie.” You stare at her lips while saying her name. You don’t know if she noticed you’re staring, but her tongue runs over her bottom lip, wetting it.

“What?”

“Don’t, what, me. You know what.” Your eyes don’t move from Jessie’s lips.

“No I don’t. You’ll have to enlighten me.” You do, leaning in your hands finding her face you pull her toward you. Your lips meet hers, they’re warm and soft and plump against yours. Her hands find your hips, pulling you against her hard. Her grip is tight, it feels safe. This time you’re able to finish your kiss, both of you pulling away just before you debate sliding your tongue against her lips.

“You really should stop bringing coffee to my office I guess, it always seems to end like this.” You let out once you both breathe for a second. Jessie lets out a soft laugh.

You hear the door to the training room open and you jump away from Jessie, turning to pretend to organize something, finding nothing, everything already being packed up. This leaves you just standing there looking at the wall. You and Jessie both look over to see Janine standing there, coffee in one hand, training bag in the other and a smirk across her face.

“Well you two aren’t suspicious at all.” She says sarcastically as she walks from the doorway further into the training room and in your direction. “I’d recommend actually doing something to make it look like you two weren’t just doing what I think you were.” You can’t read her tone as she speaks to you. “Looking at imaginary things on the wall doesn’t really work as a good cover.” She stops behind you to speak softly only to you. You stay facing the wall, not wanting to turn and let either of the players in the room see how bright red your cheeks are.

“I’m going to go change, I’ll be back in probably 5 minutes, behave yourselves.” Janine says to both of you, she walks away into the changing room.

“Whoops.” You turn back to look at Jessie who is still standing where you kissed her. You both have matching blushes on your face.

“At least it wasn’t my mom this time.” You shrug at her, trying to make light of the situation again.

“I guess,” she shrugs back.

“But seriously Jessie, we can’t keep doing this, we leave for Paris in less than 36 hours. You have to go, be focused, be this team's leader, we can’t, I can’t be distracting you.”

“I know.”

“So that means no more surprise coffees, no more private meetings, like Janine said, we have to behave. Strictly professional from now on. No more of this.” You use a finger to point between the two of you.

“Strictly professional, got it.” She nods at you but her smile tells you she’s not taking you seriously.

“I’m serious this time Jessie.” You try your best to be stern with her.

“So am I.” You were both lying through your teeth, and you both knew it but neither of you were going to call each other out and say anything.

“Or just until the Olympics are over.” You add, hoping she’ll maybe be interested in whatever the two of you were doing come the end of the games.

“Until it's over.” She flashes you a smile before turning to leave, following in the direction Janine went to change. She flashes you a smile before heading through the doors. You move back into your office leaning against the desk.

“Hey.” You jump as Janine flies around the corner of your office door. She walks in closing the door behind you.

“Okay I don’t have a lot of time, but I need to talk to you really quick.”

“What’s up?” You move behind the desk, looking for her file pulling it out. You start to open it and Janine’s hand comes down on it, closing the folder hard.

“This isn’t about me.” She’s staring down at you as you sink back into your chair.

You realized exactly what this was about. “Oh.”

“If you so much as hurt a hair on her head-”

“I won’t.” You interrupt.

“I wasn’t finished.” You nod, letting her finish. “Jessie is a special human and quite frankly she doesn’t need you. She’s perfect on her own, she’s strong and independent and she doesn’t need you, but she wants you, so I’m going to respect that, but please let her focus on this tournament. I don’t know what you two are really doing, she’s been pretty tight lipped, but please. She’s smart but she might not think straight with her crush brain, she might think she can handle starting something with you during this tournament, but she can’t. She needs to be focused. She’d hate herself down the line if she let someone get in her head and mess with her playing. She’s worked her life for these tournaments. This team needs her focused, not distracted because of you.” Janine rants at you.

“I know. We’ve discussed it. I won’t be a distraction to her or to anyone. I promise, I want what’s best for her and the whole team.” You mean it, you want what’s best for the team, and you don’t want to distract Jessie or anyone, you saw how hard they all worked and would hate to be the reason anything went wrong.

“You seem like a good person, and given that Jessie likes you so much, you must be. So I’m going to trust you.” Her hand comes off the file on your desk.

“Janine! Come play Teqball with me!” Jessie hollers through the training room.

“Ahh the queen of Canada awaits.” Janine says, looking at you. She turns to leave, her hand on the doorknob. “Just so you know, I’m serious, don’t hurt her, I’ll make your life miserable.” The way she spoke with still a large smile while telling you she’d ruin your life was slightly terrifying, but very much fitting for her Canadian personality.

“I know.” You just nod. And you did know. It wouldn’t just be Janine coming after you if you messed up with Jessie her entire team would hate you. If you distracted her from the tournament the country of Canada would hate you. You’d never get to work for a Canadian team, you’d never get to live that down. Your nerves build up a bit, even though you had no intentions to hurt Jessie ever, things happen, life happens.

Your spiral of nerves is diminished as you hear Jessie’s laugh carrying through the room. Just her laugh made you smile, your nerves ease. You were in deep, probably in too deep, but there wasn’t anything you could do now, except go to Paris and do your best to just be coworkers with Jessie. You needed to be invisible and not a distraction..

So that’s what you did. Or at least tried to do.

[rinneverse]

꒰⚘݄꒱₊ BITE MY LIP, AND I'LL BITE YOURS · · · ♡

— pairing: seishiro nagi x fem!reader

— warnings: adult pro player!nagi, lovesick nagi, he’s a little into dacryphilia methinks, overstimulation, sleepy morning sex into slow sensual sex.

— synopsis: kiss my neck, and i’ll make sure you’re mine.

— wc: 0.8k

— notes: little to no editing on this so forgive any mistakes. i love nagi so much it makes me sick

ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ !! 18+ CONTENT — MINORS DNI !!

There weren’t many things Seishiro Nagi loved enough to put any effort forth into it.

In fact, he thinks he could count on one hand the amount of things he can say he loves in his life.

Video games—in any downtime he had, he could be found fiddling with his phone, playing whatever mobile game that happened to strike his fancy for the day. Soccer was a given; he was a pro player, he had to have some sort of passion for it in him to have gotten this far.

But right now, in this moment, Nagi realizes a crucial fact: he loves you, his darling girlfriend, more than enough to want to give you the world.

He realizes as you roll your hips down against him, riding him slowly in the comfort of your shared bed as the early sunrise filters in through the curtains. He realizes as he watches the rays of light shine down upon your nude form, basking the room and yourself in an ethereal glow. He realizes as you lean down to mouth sloppy, wet kisses along his neck, his large hands making themselves at home upon the curve of your hips in response.

Nagi realizes, in his sleepy haze, that he wants to give you his all. He lets out a soft groan as you grind down against him, your eyelashes fluttering against the skin of his cheek as you nuzzle yourself into the crook of his neck.

“Baby,” he mumbles, his grip on your hips tightening, “I love you.”

He can feel your lips curve up into a gentle smile. Your eyes are half lidded as you lazily raise your head to look him in the eyes, your fingers drawing gentle circles along his shoulder blades as you murmur back to him, “I love you too.”

His hips rut up a little in response, drawing out a surprised gasp from you. It makes Nagi smile in amusement and he decides, in this moment, he wants to show it to you. Show you every inch of affection he held for you, every ounce of his adoration for you and only you.

He knows he’s not the most energetic lover. He knows he’s a little bit lazy, more the type to sit back and relax, but he also knows that this is where he shines: slow, sensual loving, the kind where you savor each and every stroke, every kiss, every moment.

You make a confused noise when Nagi flips you around, laying you back in the plush material of your mattress as he hovers over you. He punctuates his movement with a single thrust that has you light-headed, your legs spreading wider to accommodate your boyfriend’s size.

The way you babble spurs him on, your voice sweet like honey and sugar to his ears, his hands roaming your body as he nearly devours you whole. His hips roll sensually into yours, slow and heavy, pulling out until just the fat tip is left and then he pushes back in with a grunt, feeling your walls clench around every inch of his cock until you’re left a sobbing mess underneath him.

“More, more!” You cry, feeling the drag of each thrust, every movement by Nagi calculated to keep you just on the edge. You’re squirming now, your hips mindlessly rutting against his, pleading for more. He sighs gently.

“Patience, angel," Nagi drawls playfully. "Let me show you how much I love you.” He takes your wrists and pins them above your head with one hand, the other dragging down your waist to grab your leg and throw it over his shoulder. The new angle draws stars in your vision and brings tears to your eyes.

“Sei, baby, please,” you keen, a pitiful whine drawn from your chest as he ghosts his fingers over your clit. You’re so close, you think, the coil in your tummy being drawn tighter and tighter until finally he gives in, his thumb drawing tight circles on your sensitive bud.

He kisses your tears away as you’re sent over the edge, back arching as he fucks you through your high. He hasn’t let up on your clit yet, and his tongue swipes over his lips as he savors the salty taste left behind.

He feels a spark of gratification as he watches you fall apart, letting a smug little smile ghost along his lips as you squirm from the overstimulation—he still has your wrists pinned as he chases his own high then, hips rutting into yours.

You whimper his name suddenly, and the sound sends a shiver rippling down his spine, and he’s pulling out of you, his cum splattering over your bare stomach and thighs. He pants softly, wide brown eyes staring down at you as he takes in the mess he made.

More. More. He wants to make a mess out of you.

And you know that look in his eyes—it tells you that you’re in for a long morning.

But you wouldn’t have it any other way, even with tears streaming down your eyes and drool staining the pillow beneath you.

please don't repost on other platforms. rbs and comments are super appreciated ♡ !!

[scary-grace]

How do you write so much in such little time

I'm driven by the ghost of my 2019 manic episode forces beyond my control to write whenever I'm not being forced to do something else.

That's the goof answer. The honest answer is probably that when I have more than a second or two of downtime, I take out my phone or my laptop and start writing. Even if I only get a hundred words or so per mini-writing session, it adds up significantly over the course of a day/week/month. My brain runs way ahead of my typing speed, and at this point I have half a dozen multi-chapter fics and even more one-shots rotating slowly in my head at all times. I never really feel done with writing. When I finish a fic, even a long one, I have to have something else cued up to start immediately, or else I don't know what to do with myself.

And beyond that, I just really like it. It's my favorite thing to do and it keeps me plausibly sane. There's really nothing more fun than thinking of something I'd like to read and realizing that I can make it myself.

Thank you for the ask!

[seris-circle]

The Other Woman Pt. II

drew starkey x femreader

Warnings: ER, Pregnancy, Hospitalization, swearing

Sirens blared in the distance as you were wheeled through the emergency department doors. The paramedics were able to calm your nerves on the ride over and you were now nursing the oxygen like it was in unlimited supply. Because of the distress and grand entrance, you became the priority to the medical staff, entering a room immediately. As the nurses began connecting your monitors, your mother took it into her own hands to call drew with your phone, see if that sends a sense of urgency his way. It took about three tries but on the second ring of the third call, there was an answer…

Drew’s POV

The sounds of tourists, shop-goers, and mopeds surround me as I wait for the server to come back around with the food. The shoot was canceled for today, so I wanted to take as a day to just stay in due to the increasing Italian heat but Odessa convinced me to join her and tyler for lunch. I was a bit hesitant due to the call with y/n last night but I’ve spent a comfortable part of my downtime here alone so I might as well enjoy some company.

When we did arrive at the restaurant though, I realized my cell was dead so odessa offered to charge it for me. She took it and connected it to the wireless pod in her bag, keeping it from the sunlight. It wasn’t until after coming out of the bathroom that I heard my ringer go off. When I heard it though it sent me into an immediate panic because I have off for everyone except y/n and seeing as it is 2 am her time didn’t seem right. I walked over as quickly but as casually as possible. Finally reaching the table, i grabbed my phone out of odessa’s bag and answered it.

“Hello?” i answered with a slight confusion as to why y/n would be calling this early/late.

“Drew, this is y/m/n. Why the hell have you not answered your phone?” she said in the most stern mother-in-law tone you could imagine.

“What do mean? Who’s been calling?” I responded, looking down at my notification queue and seeing 5 missed calls from danica and 2 from y/n. “Aw, I just saw. My phone was on silent for everyone except of y/n and i’ve been out to lunch. What's going on?”

“Good to know you still have some priority over your family, but you're going to have to cut that little lunch date short, y/n in the hospital, its the baby.” she continued on the other line.

“What? What do you mean, its too early for anything to be happening?” I began to become frantic over the line.

“That's what we all thought but guess not. So get on the earliest flight you can find before I fly over there myself and get you here because my baby will not go through this without the person that put her in this whole situation.” y/m/n basically was screaming under that whisper at this point.

“Ye- yeah. I’ll see you soon” I choked out. She scoffed before speaking up again, but I hung up without even realizing it. This can’t be happening. I’m not ready, its not time. The baby isn’t ready. My sweet angel can’t come yet, I have to be there to see her and hold y/n hand as she does. y/n. She’s all alone. She can’t do this all alone, without me. I don’t think i could forgive myself. I gather my thoughts and bring myself back to the conversation.

“I need to go now… here’s 20 for my portion of the bill and tell the kitchen crew to toss my food,” I said with slight panic in my tone. I shuffled to put my wallet back in my bag while the others just stared.

“Why the rush, we haven’t even gotten our food yet?” Odessa said. I looked down at her and thought.

“It's y/n. Why didn’t you answer my phone when it rang… twice?” I questioned. She just smirked and shrugged with a sense of guilt. “You know what, it doesn’t matter now. Right now I have to go catch the first flight out to LA before my daughter is born. Bye, thank you for coming, enjoy the city” I tried to get out as I maneuvered my way out of the restaurant.

As soon as i got to my apartment, i booked the first flight out not even realizing I had an hour to catch it. I grabbed all of my “necessities” and booked it out to my uber.

Regular POV

You sat in the small hospital room, strapped up to monitors, and bump out. The doctors had taken the oxygen and gave you something to relieve the stress and calm you down.

“Mamaaaa” you whined out to your mother who was walking back in from her phone call.

“What's up sweetheart?” your mother asked, joining you by your side.

“Where’s drew? Did you get a hold of him?” you said.

“Yes, he is on his way. Don’t worry, I already tore him a new one so don’t stress about yelling at him.” She smiled back at you. You held her hand and had a moment of comfort before a doctor came in.

“Hello hello. I am Dr. Hoffman” the white-coated gentleman introduced himself with a welcoming hand. He proceeded to examine you until speaking up again. “So your scans and blood came back good so nothing too wrong but you are in labor. Baby is in a good position but you are only 2 cm dilated. I’m going to admit you through until you are ready and then we can get this baby out. We will have someone to move you up to our maternity unit and get you more privacy.” Hoffman finished and walked out.

You began to cry, from the pain and the fact that you’re all alone. You have to endure this for however long it takes your body to dilate another 8 cm. Though you were way too emotional from all of that, you knew to not get too worked up because of the stress it would topple onto the pile that your body was already under.

Drew’s POV

Hours have passed and my flight was done. Those 13 hours were horrible. A middle seat between a woman with a crying baby and a guy that slept the whole time. I know it was last minute and all but I feel that the baby was a sign. The worst flight of my life was because of something that I was going into myself, parenthood. You could say it was karma too for not answer my phone. I know how y/n feels about Odessa and sometimes I feel that Odessa’s jealous of me and y/n but I still keep her around. I was pissed at her last night for getting completely obliterated and interrupting y/n and I but I let it go but this afternoon was something else. I felt somewhere deep down she did it purposely. Because of her I could’ve missed the birth of my child and left y/n all by herself. I still could do that because of how late I am.

As soon as I got off that plane, I ran though LAX and outside to get an Uber. I’m running on no sleep, jet lag, and the stress of becoming a parent at any moment. Anyone who gets in my way or even near to delaying me any more would get no mercy.

“LA General and step on it please, I’m about to have a baby” I sort of demanded as I stepped into the Uber. The driver looked at me with sympathy and did as he was told. Hopefully I can make it, time is slipping away.

Regular POV

“Fuuuck!” You screamed out as you reached the end of the hallway. The doctors had you walking for the last 11 hours to get you to 10 cm. What they didn’t do is give you any meds that you felt were working. The contractions were now 2 minutes apart and you felt like this baby was about to fall out of your vagina. You stood crouched in the corner with your mom’s hand in yours. Danica had to leave due to not being immediate family and drew was still no where to be seen.

“Sweetheart… it’s ok, just keeping breathing. I will go get the doctor” your mother reassured as she left you there basically dry heaving from the pain induced nausea. Seconds later you were brought back to your room.

“Guess what mama, you’re about to have your baby. You’re at 9cm which means we can start pushing” your labor and deliver nurse said with a smile. You smiled through your pain but it wasn’t all there. You still didn’t have drew by your side and the baby was a bit to be born.

Minutes later you were all set up and getting ready to push. You did it without an epidural too because it had worn off and it was too late for them to administer another.

“Ready y/n, on three I want you to push with all your strength.” The OB said. You looked at your mom, squeezed her hand and nodded. “1….2…3 push!” You screamed a wide push out. She had you continue. The pain so bad you thought you could have passed out.

When you swore that you were about to black out completely, a larger hand took yours. Slightly callused yet soft. A hand you could know from anywhere. You opened your eyes and were met with Drew’s.

“I told you I would miss this.” Drew said softly tearing up slightly with a smile. You smiled back and held on to his hand tightly.

You let a couple more pushes out and then all you heard were the soft cries of your babygirl.

“It’s a girl! Congratulations mom and dad, she’s gorgeous” the OB said with a smile. The baby was brought to your chest and you and drew took in this moment together. Kissing each other for the first time in weeks with your baby. You both cried so hard, but they were all happy tears. So happy that you had forgave Drew’s late behavior.

“I love you so much” drew said smiling at you. You didn’t say anything, all you did was kiss him.

It had been a couple hours since the baby was born. You were sleeping as drew sat with the baby. You woke up turning to face him. He was sitting there in awe staring at the mini you, rocking back and forth. You knew that he was more in love with her than he would ever be with you and that made you the happiest you had ever been. As you sat up completely, he noticed bringing the newborn towards you. The three of you were together until your mother had walked in with Danica.

“ hello hello hello! My little girl with her little girl” she said coming towards you. She be at done to kiss your cheek.

“Soooo, what is the little bug’s name?” Danica asked looking back and forth between you and drew. You looked at drew, nodding him off to let him say the honors.

“Well… we would like you to meet Isabel Eva Starkey” drew said with the biggest smile. Danica and your mother cried happy tears as they came and hugged you both.

As your stay lasted for the next few days, you welcomed friends and family from both side. You were content now. You had your own little family now and to have drew be apart of that was all you needed.

The End

A/N: I’m so sorry this came out late. I’ve been so swamped with work and genuinely mentally drained. This may not be good because it all just came to me at once and I struggled to organize it. Hopefully you like it and thank you for reading!!!

Tagged: @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @one-sweet-gubler @runningfrom2am @ayoanna @crazyf0robx @brooklynscherry-z @ireadficsthenifallasleep @simpfomarvel @willowalexissss

[shippingmyworld]

Hello! I think you might've already thought of this, but a cute tigerghost idea popped into my head last night/this morning that I'd like to share!

Manny and Danny just hanging out and casually flirting with each other, when suddenly Danny decides he's gonna go invisible to mess with Manny. Then while invisible, Danny gives Manny a kiss! Then Manny is like, "hey wait can we do that again!" and Danny's like, "find me first 😘". Then Manny uses his Tigre like hearing and senses to figure out where Danny is at. Then, pounce! And then they kissed 🐯❤👻

When a little out of control and wrote a whole ass fic for this one =P

“Come on, what’s the worst one you can think of?” Danny asked. His head rested in Manny’s lap and his hands were folded across his chest while his legs hung over the armrest of the couch. 

The two of them were lounging in the Fentonwork’s living room, house-sitting for Danny’s parents who were off in Wisconsin attending a ghost hunters convention. With Jazz having chosen to go to college out-of-state, the responsibility naturally fell to Danny, who was more than happy to do so. His neighbor back at his apartment complex had adopted a dog that was weirdly sensitive to his presence and would not stop yapping whenever Danny was home. Thus, it gave him the perfect excuse to invite his boyfriend over and crash in his old bedroom for an entire week. 

Manny was giving him a slight frown while playing casually with Danny’s long hair, which was free of his usual ponytail. “You think I can just come up with these on the spot?” Manny mused, drumming the fingers of his other hand softly against Danny’s chest 

“Please, I know you’ve just stolen at least half of them from social media.” 

Manny’s frown grew larger. “Exactly what sort of websites do you think I’m visiting? I’ll have you know that all my jokes are one hundred percent Rivera originals.” 

 “Oh yeah?” Danny pulled his phone from his pocket and quickly opened a text to show to Manny. “Then how come Tucker sent me a meme with one of your originals quoted in it a week before you used it on me?”

Manny snatched the phone from Danny’s hand, glaring at the screen. Danny’s soft smile grew as he stared up at his boyfriend, squinting at the phone and pulling it closer to his face. He found a content sense of satisfaction in watching the way Manny's skin wrinkled around his eyes as his expression changed. This last week had been particularly hectic with their superhero duties thanks to a joint raid between The Pixies and The Junkman against Jimmy and Timmy's homes. 

They’d been forced to bounce between one fight and the next, and Danny barely had enough free time to collapse into bed for a quick nap before the supervillain alarm on his phone woke him up with a shrill scream. Now that they finally had some downtime - partly thanks to Danny dropping into Jimmy’s lab at three in the morning and demanding time off - he’d realized how much he missed these quiet moments. Just small, inconsequential blocks of time in which he could take in all the quieter aspects of Manny’s behavior. Moments that made Danny’s stomach flutter with the exciting thought of, “This man is my boyfriend. ” 

[norrisreads]

delicate - yt #22

PAIRING: yuki tsunoda x reader!

SUMMARY: inspired by delicate - Taylor Swift

WARNINGS: fluff, hinge of angst! cheater! ex !!!!!! insecure reader!

FC: karina from aespa

masterlist

“ hi! you mentioned drawing inspiration for your fic from songs. can you write Yuki fic based on Delicate by Taylor Swift where they are both into each other but the reader is so afraid to mess up because of her problematic past? maybe a little angsty to spice it up? thank you xx”

love love the idea of this, hope you’re happy with my take on it <3 yuki needs more love and fics 😭🙏🏻

Being friends with the scuderia alphatauri driver, yuki tsunoda has it’s pros and cons. Having met on a cooking class and being closer to each other after one dinner ‘date’ made you realise the both of you have tons of similarities. you’ve never realised yuki was a driver racing for the formula one, not until you’ve realised you were stopped in the streets by fans asking for a picture with him.

pros are you’re well contented with his presence, not having a single dull moment whenever you’re around him

and cons are being scared to confessing your feelings to the said driver, with a fear of rejection and letting him in your life permanently.

It's okay to consider confessing; what scares you is your fear of being rejected. Rejection and you are not compatible, and neither is maintaining people in your life on a long-term basis.

A terrible memory has to be the day your friends and ex-boyfriend publically humiliated you. It seems like everyone, including their mothers, knew about his affair with your ex-best friend, which made the entire year unbearably monotonous and depressing.

It's safe to assume that you never truly had someone there for you during your difficult times because you were never great with people—that is, until you met Yuki.

Despite his hectic schedule, he was there for you when you were hired for your dream company and even celebrate your 22nd birthday. You've come to realize that you were no match for him because he was there for you through everything.

You were simply a typical lady...a regular person who works for a company and relies upon that job for her income—someone he had met while taking cookery classes during his downtime. You weren't a well-known figure in the industry or an influencer. Perhaps this explains why, unseen to you, Yuki Tsunoda has a major crush on you.

“hey what has gotten you thinking so hard, that you’re not listening to me?” yuki snaps his fingers trying to get your attention which made you realised you’ve been daydreaming

smiling at yuki, “nothing just thinking on what we should get for dinner later”

he took a seat beside you, “i was thinking of this ramen store that i used to go when i was a kid, i wanna bring you there. I’m sure you’ll love the ramen”

yuki pleaded you for a 2 weeks off from your work to attend the Japanese Grand Prix, and you agreed as he was super persistent on making sure you’re on board with the plan.

other than that, yuki planned a whole guided trip (of course him being the tour guide) for you. Showing you places that had meant a-lot to him, bring you to the harry potter house (you’re a huge fan of it, and yuki could tell as you had a raven-claw phone case on when he first met you) and of course bringing you to meet his friends.

“i’m almost done with everything, just give me 30 minutes and i’ll be back. you can walk around with Michael if you’re scared, or i can call over josh to accompany you?”

you had met michael and josh countless times, whenever you’re over at yuki’s house they’ll never fail to be there too. The four of you had surprisingly gotten closer, but with the recent shifting of josh to Ferrari, the outings weren’t rlly quite often anymore.

“yeah i’ll visit josh, i’ve just seen him outside a few minutes ago. Text me when you’re done yuki”

walking around the paddock with josh made you realised that he was a great listener, he listened to you rambling on and on about your life and your feelings towards Yuki.

“give it a try, y/n” josh stopped walking and faced you, shrugging his shoulders

“i’m scared, what if he leaves like the others josh? he’s not someone i would want to let go off”

then you heard laughters, looking at josh in confusion

“him? leaving you? yeah that’s never happening. Have you seen the way he look at you?”

shaking your head , “i shouldn’t be telling you this, if Yuki hears this from me, i’m dead y/n but the way he looks at you? it’s unbelievable but that gaze was a look of a man in love”

with you..?

“don’t joke around josh, it’s not funny!”

but with the seriousness of josh look, it was never a joke

“well it’s up to you to believe me y/n, come on let’s go! Michael just texted me yuki is done for the day”

“why did you not let me know we’re going to a restaurant? i’m too dressed down for this yuki” walking side by side with yuki towards the restaurant

“it’s a family business, i doubt they’ll care of our dress-codes further more you’ll still look beautiful even with a trash bag on”

arriving at the restaurant, the both of you were guided to a table, and a few minutes later, yuki’s uncle greeted the both of you.

“it’s such an honour meeting yuki’s girlfriend, we heard sooo much about you from yuki! we were super excited that you’ve decided to visit japan!”

yuki’s girlfriend…?

“oh no i’m just a friend! it’s an honour in meeting you too, i can’t wait to try the food here!” smiling sweetly to yuki’s uncle and what you’ve missed was the red flush cheeks on yuki’s face.

in the midst of eating and talking, yuki took out a small bag and handed it to you

confused, accepting the bag and you took a look, you were surprised.

it was a locket necklace with a picture of the both of you that he had taken after the first dinner ‘date’ with a date engraved on the other side of the locket.

“y/n, i’ve been thinking and i’ve realised that with you in my life, i’ve looked forward to it everyday. You made me realise that life was worth living and i can’t imagine a life without you. I must say my anger management has been really well after i’ve met you”

the both of you laughed, but yuki was looking forward to your answer

apparently, after the talk that you had with josh. He had raise his concerns about you to yuki, and yuki’s goal for tonight is for you to feel loved.

“i know you’re having thoughts if i will ever leave you, but I promise you i won’t. I’ll stay by your side till we’re old, I’ll celebrate every milestone with you, i’ll never get sick of you y/n. There’s no one else that i would want to live my life with, it does not matter that you’re just a typical girl because what matters at the end of the day is you’re the only one i’ve had my eyes on, so would you be the honour of being my girlfriend?”

and by the end of his sentence, you were tearing up.

“you’re driving me crazy yuki tsunoda”

Yuki holds while stroking your hands, saying, " that’s what i do best, love”

y/n__01 just shared a photo

liked by yukitsunoda0511 krusectrl michaelitaliano and 20 more

tagged: yukitsunoda0511

y/n__01 handsome, you’re mansion with a view

krusectrl thanks to me

y/n__01 thankyou josh 🙏🏻🥹

pierregasly welcome to the club yukitsunoda0511

yukitsunoda0511 will always love you 💙

y/n__01 🥹💙

yukitsunoda0511 just shared a photo

liked by pierregasly danielricciardo y/n__01 and 302,749 others

tagged: y/n__01

yukitsunoda0511 you’re so gorgeous it actually hurts ❤️😇

gaslied22 WHAT? YUKI HAS A GF?

yukifans it was just confirmed today! I’m so happy for them!

tsunodays stop im actually sobbing, they’re so adorable

gaslied22 STOP! the taylor swift song references !!!!!!!

danielricciardo so this is the reason you’re smiling every day

yukitsunoda0511 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

y/n__01 are you quoting a taylor swift song rn tsunoda

yukitsunoda0511 well of course…

another yuki oneshot added to the list, i hope this was a great read! added in a lil ig post of their reveal 🤭🙏🏻

[never-not-ever]

The Last Hour

I'm scrolling on Tik Tok and I land on a clip from Girl Interrupted. It's not triggering or anything so I search "girl interrupted" and just scroll through there. Even a clip of Daisy's suicide didn't bother me.

What got to me was a clip of Lisa in the beginning being dragged out of a room about to be restrained and IM'd. That just brought me right back to the unit. How traumatizing it was, hearing restraints, seeing my close friends in the chair. Lisa in the clip begging "no" echoing what I heard on the unit.

So I went in my kitchen and sat down on the table. There's no chairs and it's not even used as a table it's just against the wall. This table has become a new place for me when things get too much. As I'm typing these words I'm realizing that this table is the corner at the end of the unit, in between a shower room and the QR. I'd sit in that corner because not a lot of people walked down that hall. That corner was my place to go on the unit when things got too much and now this table in my kitchen has become my place. Sad.

Back to the last hour. So I sit on the table and I start recording a video just to get the thoughts out of my head. I don't know why I didn't just type out a note, I guess it's easier to just talk. It was a short video just explaining what had happened (second paragraph up top). And then I was hit with this realization. You see I am my worst critic, I invalidate myself, I worry how things will look if x, y, and z happens. I tell myself you're just playing out these "would be" conversations because you want them to happen. You keep thinking you're going to end up back in the hospital because you want to go back...

I owe a lot more of an update than just the past hour but for the past 3 weeks yes it's been a worry. I've said "I'm surprised I'm not back yet" and "it's probably going to happen soon". But the past few days it's becoming more of a legit fear and I really want to have the conversation with my therapist tomorrow about it. She's a new therapist and I've said those two things above but like it's not actually talked about like reasons to go back, how I would feel, etc.. and for the first time I'm actually going into therapy knowing how I want the session to go.

And my point of this whole post is that I'm finally validating myself that no I do not want to go back to the hospital. My inner critic tells me all the time that I just miss the safety there and being cared for, that I want to go back and I don't need to go back. But after tonight why on earth would I want to go back to a place that has given me so many traumatic memories? Sure there was "safety" although in my case there was only so much they could do to keep me safe and I still found ways around it. Sure it was a "comfort" at times. The staff would listen and I could tell they cared.

But none of that outweighed how much the acuity of the unit affected me. For months all I wanted was to leave, was actually playing a role in my discharge and actively trying to make it happen. All I wanted was to leave, even the day I left when I was filled with so much anxiety and fear, I still wanted to leave. So why on earth would I want to return to that?

go out for a drive whenever I want

cooking

cuddling with my cats

spending time in the bathroom with privacy

walking around my apartment in shorts and a tank top

being able to take my time doing my nails

being able to use my laptop and phone while they're charging

sleeping in total darkness

It's a sad, short list that mostly involves being at home.. *spoiler alert* I'm not in PHP anymore and don't have a job nor do I have a social life. But we'll save all that for an actual update at some point? It's funny all I have is downtime, you'd think I'd be on here live blogging my pathetic excuse of a life.

But for real.. I've grown used to my comforts here and I know for a fact I'm not going back inpatient unless it's needed for my safety.

I guess this post was basically just me proving a point to myself.

[austinsgirl]

Rather Die | Chapter 19 | Austin Butler Fanfiction

word count: 2475

warnings: language, baby/pregnancy talk?

cross posted on wattpad

masterlist

————————————————————————

Mila has been staying with Victoria all week while Austin is in New York. They've been baking, watching Christmas movies, wrapping presents, facials, and of course watching their fave reality TV while having a snack fest.

Vic was going to go, but realized if she couldn't fly to Denver for Thanksgiving to be with Ashton, she couldn't fly to NYC to be with Austin.

But, Austin promised her he'll take her and the baby next year for Christmas so she can see the Rockettes.

"Have you even heard from Austin this week?" Mila asked Victoria as they frost cookies together.

"I heard from him once, and that's it. He was just checking in. He's been so busy rehearsing. And probably making out with Juliet in his downtime when he does have it."

Juliet & Austin have yet to make it official, but honestly anytime now Austin could be asking her to be his. They've been very smitten these past few weeks. So much, he invited her out to New York to see him on SNL.

Mila chuckles, "And you say you aren't jealous."

"Because I'm not."

"Girl...."

"I promise you, I am not jealous."

"Alright, if you say so. But if you're not jealous, then what's your deal with her?"

"She's nice but she just doesn't seem right for him."

"How so?"

"I feel like she might be using him for his fame."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because she's an aspiring writer or some shit."

"Oh...hm." Mila gives a short response, not really knowing what to say. "Maybe."

After they finish frosting cookies, they put them into Tupperware containers to keep them fresh, then go into the living room to watch Austin on SNL.

"I have my sister Ashley here with me tonight! Ashley, I love you! And I also have a very special someone here, Juliet, my girlfriend! Love you, baby!" Austin said during his opening monologue.

Victoria's mouth dropped open, with wide eyes. So did Mila's.

"Umm...did he tell you they made it official?" Mila asks.

"No? What the hell? When did this happen? Why didn't he tell me?"

"No idea."

They continued watching the episode & although Victoria was upset with him, she couldn't help but to laugh at his skits. Especially when he's playing an old Jewish grandma.

"Oh my god. Goddamn it, Austin. I just laughed so hard I legit peed myself. The struggles of being pregnant." Victoria says, getting up from the couch to go change her underwear and bottoms.

"That's gotta be fun." Mila says sarcastically.

"Yep, so much fun."

They finish the episode & Vic gives it a bit before calling Austin.

"Hey! How'd you like the show?!" Austin says loudly into the phone, with music in background.

"It was uh, great! But um,-

Austin cuts her off, "Hold on! Let me go outside, I'm at the after party and it's loud! Julie, I'll be right back, it's Vic!"

Vic hears Juliet reply, "Okay!"

"Hey, sorry. I'm outside now. What we're you saying?"

"I was saying it was great!" Vic says, but now she's getting a bit of an attitude with him. "But why didn't you tell me you made it official with Juliet?"

"Did I not?"

"No? Not that I can recall."

"Why are you getting an attitude with me? I'm sorry if I didn't tell you."

"Austin, we're having a baby together. I think I should know what's going on in my parenting partners life."

"I know we're having a baby together, and I have been telling you everything but I forgot this one thing. I'm sorry, okay?  It's been a really hectic week, it slipped my mind. I'm sorry."

"How long ago did you ask her?"

"I asked her on Tuesday."

"The day we spoke."

"I guess? Was that when we talked?"

"Yes."

"Well, I asked her that night. We spoke that afternoon."

"But you still didn't even think to tell me."

"Listen Vic, rehearsals were insane, and then I was so caught up in moments with her that I forgot. I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

"Yeah, it's whatever, I guess."

"Vic..."

"What?"

"You know it's not just 'whatever'"

"It's fine. I accept your apology." she rolls her eyes.

"Thank you. How are you doing though? Are you alright? Is the baby alright?"

"Yep, we're both peachy keene. Um, by the way, you made me legit piss myself."

Austin laughs, "Wait, really?"

"Yes." she giggles. "Lois was funny as hell, Aus. I didn't know you could play an old Jewish lady."

He laughs some more, "Yeah, I didn't know either. This show really got me to come out of my shell. You know how shy I can be sometimes."

"I know."

"I should get back inside before Juliet starts to worry & look for me."

"Yeah, no problem. You fly home tomorrow?"

"Yes, we're getting on a red eye tomorrow after the Rockettes."

"Oh, you're still going to that?"

"Yeeaahh, Julie wanted to go."

"Oh. Julie wanted to go."

"She did. Don't worry, I'll bring you back something. I promise. And I'll take you next year."

"I'm holding you to it, Butler."

"I know you will, Williams."

"So sometime tomorrow night you'll be back then?"

"Yeah, we get in around 2:45 am, so technically Monday morning."

"Alright, sounds good. I will see you then."

"Alright. I'll keep you updated."

"Okay. I'll talk to soon."

"Bye, love you....as a friend."

"...love you too. Bye."

Victoria hangs up the phone with a puzzled look.

"Did he say he loves you?" Mila asks.

"Yeah, but he clarified it 'as a friend'."

"You think he may mean it romantically still?"

"God, I hope not. I mean, this man, who usually keeps his relationships private, announced his current relationship on live TV and said he loves her."

"That's true. I mean, I'm sure he still loves you in some way and will always love you. You are carrying his baby right now."

"Yeah, you're not wrong."

It's the next night, currently 3:45 am Monday morning.

Victoria hears commotion going on in the kitchen, & she gets startled.

She grabs her small baseball bat that she keeps by her bed. Her dad gave it to her to keep with her close just in case an intruder were to ever come in.

Vic slowly walks out into the hallway; she continues to hear noise.

"Austin? Is that you?" she calls out.

"Yeah, it's me!" he calls out.

"Oh, thank god." she drops her stance with the bat and goes into the kitchen, with a hand over her beating chest.

"I'm sorry we woke you & scared you."

"It's fine. I thought you would have been back already."

"Did you not see my text? I texted you saying our flight was delayed by an hour."

"Oh. No, I didn't get anything from you."

"Must have not gone through, the airport didn't have the greatest service or Wi-Fi."

"Yeah, must've."

"Is Mila still here?"

"Yeah, she's still set up on the air mattress in the baby's room. She's a heavy sleeper."

"Gotcha. Well, Julie and I are going to head off to bed. You should get back to bed too."

"Yeah, I should. Good night."

"Night."

Victoria takes herself back to bed & lays there, letting her thoughts run.

"Julie and I are going to head off to bed." she thinks to herself in a mocking tone.

"Julie. Since when has Julie been a nickname for Juliet? Has it always? I don't know but it makes me cringe. Also, we're they making out as soon as they got in here? I swear Austin's lips looked more pink than usual and kind of swollen. Those perfect, plump, pink lips of his. Fuck, stop. No. We're not going there. I have Ashton. He needs to get his ass over here more often if I have to essentially third wheel around here now. Fuck. Now that they're official, I'll see her here all the time. Great. Just great. Ugh. I really hope he knows what he's doing. She better not be in it for his money and fame. I'll slap a bitch if that's the case."

After Vic finished ranting to herself, she drifted back off to sleep.

In the morning, she wakes up and goes out to the kitchen to grab her protein shake & some breakfast.

She notices Austin & Juliet snuggled up on the couch, kissing each other here & there.

"Morning." she says to them.

"Morning, sleepy head." Austin says. "I'm surprised you weren't up before us."

"Yeah, I had a rough night. Baby girl was very active last night & kept me up."

"I'm sorry she was being a little monster." Austin jokes a little.

"It's fine. Maybe I'll try and nap later. What are your guy's plans for today?"

"We're going to go try and finish our Christmas shopping while Juliet has a day off. What about you?"

"Um, I don't know. I'll have to see what Ash is up to."

"Alright. Well, you're more than welcome to join us, if you two want to tag along. Maybe make it a double date kind of thing."

"Uh, yeah! That'd be fun! Let me text him."

"Double date? God. Sounds horrific, but I'll play along just because I know I have to for the sake of being civil with Austin."  Vic thinks to herself as she pulls her phone out. "At least I'll have Ashton with me & maybe this way I can really see how Juliet is with Austin."

Victoria texts Ashton, and he's down to go shopping.

"Ash is down. What time are we going?" she asks.

"Around noon. Is that good?"

"Yeah, that should be fine. I'll let him know."

Mila comes out into the kitchen, "Morning, guys." she yawns. "Welcome back, Austin."

"Thanks, Mila." he smiles. "Have you met Juliet?"

"I haven't. Hi, I'm Mila. Vic's best friend, cast mate, and former roommate." Mila says to Juliet.

"Hi! Nice to meet you." Juliet smiles. She turns to Austin, "Hey Aus, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"Alright, I'll be here." Austin smiles, giving her a quick kiss.

Victoria purses her lips in annoyed way and raises her eyebrows.

Mila asks quietly, "What's wrong?"

"She called him Aus."

"So?"

"That's my name for him. I came up with it. I'm the only one who calls him that." Vic whispers.

Mila crosses her arms, "Jealousy, jealousy."

"Will you stop saying that??"

"No, not until you admit it."

"There's nothing to admit."

"Okay, if you say so."

Austin says from the living room, "Mila, we're all going last minute shopping if you want to join."

"I can't unfortunately. I gotta get home and pack & drive down to San Diego to be with family for a couple days before my moms go to visit my brother across seas in Italy. But, thanks for the invite!"

"Yeah, no problem! I didn't know you were from San Diego."

"Yeah, my brother and I were adopted & we have two moms down there. My brother is currently doing some work in Italy. I would go too, but it's just so expensive right now. But, I'll be with you guys for Christmas! You will both have to come visit with me sometime. They always take my friends in as their own."

"I'd love to." Vic smiles.

"Yeah, that'd be great. Get out of the city for a couple days." Austin says.

"I'll have to let you know next time I go."

"For sure." Vic says.

Juliet comes back from the bathroom and sits back down with Austin.

"You okay, babe? You were in there for a bit." he asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just got my period is all, so, you know."

"Gotcha."

"Vic, what's it like not having a period? Is being pregnant better?" Juliet asks her.

"Um, mostly it is. For me, at least. I always have the worst cramps, so I'll take baby girl practicing her high kicks in the womb any day. But, I've heard it's different for everyone. Some pregnancies can be more painful than periods."

"Good to know for the future." she smiles at Austin. He shyly smiles back.

Vic thinks to herself, "She's not already planning their future together now, is she?"

Mila says her goodbyes to everyone before heading off.

Eventually, Ashton meets everyone at the house & they all go out for lunch at a local diner first before shopping.

"I can't believe I'm hanging out with THE Ashton from The Driver Era." Juliet gushes. "I love your band; I've seen you play live a few times before."

"Aw, thank you!" Ashton replies.

"Yeah, he's great, isn't he?" Vic looks at Ashton all lovingly.

"He really is." Juliet smiles.

"Hey, don't go crushing on someone else, baby girl." Austin says to Juliet.

"I'm not, I'm not." Juliet laughs.

Hearing Austin say, 'baby girl', made Vic feel things she doesn't & shouldn't be feeling.

She distracts herself by rubbing her hand on Ashton's thigh under the table. Ash shoots her a sly smirk, and whispers into her ear, "You trying to get frisky right now?"

"Maybe." she giggles.

"Don't worry, you'll get me later." he winks.

"Oh, will I now?"

"Mhm."

"Get a room, you two." Austin jokes. 

"Hey, I could have said the same thing about you guys this morning." Victoria jokes back.

"What? Weren't doing anything."

"I saw you guys being all flirty and making out."

"We weren't making out." 

"If you say so."

Juliet chimes in, "Are you two always like this? Just bantering all the time?"

"Haha, yeah. We used to not get along very well after some things happened on set, and that banter has stuck through our friendship."

"I see. Was it because of...?"

"Yeaaahh." Vic replies. "Now that she's out of all of our lives, we all have moved passed everything and can be friends."

"That's great to hear." Juliet smiles.

Throughout lunch, whenever Austin & Juliet did something cute & romantic, Victoria felt the need to one up them and do something romantic with Ashton.

As they were heading out to the car, Austin let Ashton & Juliet get ahead, and he pulled Vic back a bit.

"Hey, are you like, jealous of me & Julie?" Austin asks Vic. 

"No? Why would you ask that?"

"I feel like you kept trying to one up us."

"No, I wasn't. You can think that though if you want. Are you sure you're still not jealous of Ash & I?"

"I'm positive."

"Then alright, case closed. No jealousy detected."

"Whatever you say, Williams."

"Shut up, Butler. I am not jealous. End of discussion."

"Fuck." Vic thinks to herself. "Maybe I am jealous. And if I am, I need to stop myself."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[paralogician]

while out and about earlier today I saw this blog for the first time and you immediately took some deep level of psychological hold over me. I'd seen the occasional risque post on the other blog so I knew you were incredibly hot but after seeing this blog I had to close my phone and try to hide my boner. and even hours later as soon as I had a moment of downtime I thought of you again and had to come back. after the night's activities I jerked off thinking about you. normally that would be it in even the most extreme of cases but even after going to sleep I woke up a few hours later and realized I'd dreamed of nothing other than pushing you into the pillow and slamming into you from behind. I had to jerk off again and even now I'm still not sure I can sleep. I just keep picturing you, I've literally never been so uncontrollable towards someone I'm not actively in a sexual relationship with. I honestly can't explain it. guess I go see if round 3 is even physically possible- it seems like it will be since I'm still rock hard thinking about you

omg sorry for the inconvenience but this made me so happy... c: folks sending anons, this is ur competition

[xarrixii]

Chapter_38 : "Long Drive"

CW: previous chapter | beginning | masterlist

/////|

Maybe it was their overconfidence talking.

Alph idly ran their hand along the unfamiliar motorcycle that they’d been given to avoid drawing suspicion with the cars actually under their name. Which, sucked. Alph sort of wanted to just lie back in their truckbed for a while out near some park and think.

The option, as a missing persons, was definitely not available.

So here they were, staring at a traffic light to turn green. Wishing they had more than a smartwatch to talk to.

That was a lie. Nobody knew Alph was even out here right now. If they used the smartwatch, their location would get pinged, they’d be questioned, and they would end up bored in their hospital room again. Throwing a ball at the wall or something.

Something like that.

Alph started up again when the light finally switched. They had one goal, and one goal alone, which was to nab the copy of Flash Fire and their game system from the garage and take it back to their room.

They’d tell Urban later.

Speaking of…

Alph pulled to the side of the road before taking out their phone and waiting the minute or so for it to power on completely to check the date. All they remembered was that someone mentioned it was November. Which meant Alph kept really bad time in their cell.

Really bad time, Alph cringed. Motherfucker.

Alph had missed turkey. Skated four days past it, big exclamation points all over their phone calendar. They could still see the post-it notes probably covering their bedroom wall.

NOVEMBER 27 (!!!!!!!)

URBAN (SUPER IMPORTANT DO NOT FORGET)

Someone honked at Alph as they whizzed by, snapping Alph out of their trance to pocket the phone and start rolling again.

That, sucked. A lot. If not for the no-text no-call stuff, Alph would be all for calling him up. Talking about anything for three hours while the sky turned dark. Falling asleep in the middle of fuck nowhere, going back to normal…

No. Alph shook off the urge to shake their head. Going back to normal isn’t worth it. There are things that need to be done.

Alph had too many things to think about.

Missing Urban’s birthday. Being stuck doing nothing until they were told to do something. Getting to know someone who wasn’t just their uncle. Convincing Urban this was the right thing to do. Getting a game to play during their downtime. Becoming someone actually worthy of A-class pyrokinetics. Missing Urban’s⸺ Oh, fuck it.

Alph would take one detour. One. Something to leave at the garage in place of Flash Fire.

They had money, right?

Yeah. Yeah, the, card. Not their Alph debit card. The R.W. one that they were given a few days ago with the rest of their stuff. Nobody should care too much. It’d probably be more understandable.

It would definitely ping Alph outside of their room, but that was a small price to pay.

Alph had ended up getting a box of those buildable plastic flowers.

They went straight to the garage after, only realizing as they were carrying the box while driving how difficult it would be to bring the game station and the copy of Flash Fire back.

A truck would’ve made this so much easier.

Alph turned the motorcycle off after pulling up next to the garage, hearing the sound effects of a game as they hit one of the electronic lock buttons to put in the code.

The sound effects stopped after Alph pressed the button. They heard the fight music that still played on the pause screen. Raiden fight.

Alph put down the box of plastic flowers yet to be built.

The music turned off.

Who the hell was in their garage?

next chapter | masterlist

/////| missing a content warning? let me know

well well well, be it the return of alph in the present day? ask to be added/removed from the tag list at any time.

almost freaked out because i wasn't able to copy/paste my tags anymore--just separated each phrase with a comma on my doc and pasted it into the tags and worked like a charm.

taglist: @lychhiker-writes, @madeoforgansandtissues, @fins0up

[webslingingslasher]

okay, so for some context, i'm a freshman in college and he's a sophomore. we're both in band and we were in a play together. i play trombone and he is a field commander (if you don't know what that is, it's basically a person who stands on a podium when we play and conducts, they also lead the band when we march)

-during a rehearsal for the play, we had some downtime and the director let people leave while she worked with some other people. i decided to stick around cause i didn't feel like wasting gas, but he went with one of his friends to go get food. i was sitting at the back of the theatre by myself on my phone, completely oblivious to my surroundings and he walks by and says hi. not a big deal. i felt bad cause he said it in passing and i didn't respond cause by the time i processed it he had already walked away

-i missed a rehearsal and the director wanted to review some blocking and he realized i was confused. im not friends with many people that were in the show and i get uncomfortable asking for help. he said "i got you" and he went over everything with me

-when band camp started, that's when my feelings really started to dig in. i wore sunglasses a lot so i would look at him without turning my head and frequently (especially when we were on the field going through sets) i'd see him looking in my direction. sometimes he had sunglasses on though so i can't tell for sure if he was looking at me

-to back up the last point, during the last game i put on sunglasses and looked at him almost the whole time while we were in the stands. he wasn't wearing his sunglasses because he was down below and the box blocked the sun, and i kept seeing him look at me and at one point we literally made eye contact for a solid 30 seconds (idk if he knew we were making eye contact or not)

-also we're both in orchestra and sometimes i'll glance at him and see him looking at me

-we were walking over to the field to get ready for halftime and he walked right next to me the whole time, but he didn't talk to me

-my section (low brass) has our own shirts, and our names our on the back. we were hanging out before getting ready for a game, and he walked up to my section leader who was wearing the shirt and started to trace our names with his finger. when he got to my name, he stopped and stroked my section leader's back

-during band camp and band rehearsals, we sometimes split off into sectionals (where you go and practice your songs with your section) and he almost always comes and hangs out with us when he's supposed to walk around and check on all of the sections

-one day in sectionals he had this thing he wanted the trombones to add in to our fight song (i don't remember what it was) and he asked to borrow someone's sheet music and i gave him mine. he flipped through my flip folder and complimented me for having all of my music in order. a bit later, he was struggling to find a video of what he wanted us to add and he apologized specifically to me, nobody else

-i was auditioning for the fall play and as i was walking out to wait for my next reading, he walked in and said good luck to me. just me. even though he was friends with the other people that were in my group.

i think it's worth mentioning that there's this one girl who plays clarinet and is a junior that he's close with but idk if they're dating or just friends. this is her first year in band and she said that she joined because of him. may or may not have stalked both of their instagrams to see if they were dating... didn't see any signs of it but that doesn't mean anything

also i'm so sorry for making this so long

POINT SEVEN GAVE ME FUCKING GOOSEBUMPS.

I WAS LIKE "HMM, IT SEEMS LIKE HE'S FEELING YOU OUT FOR SURE AND TRYING TO GAUGE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM." BUT POINT SEVEN???? THE NAME???? GOODBYEEEEEE CONFIRMED!!!!!!! GET UR MAN BITCH. GET HIM B4 SQUIDWARD HOPS ON IT!!!!

[mikareo]

hello again dove <3 hehe thank you so much for the matchup spots. it makes me sooo happy really <3 so, for the needed info!

a bllk match up please!

i will send it in an ask after this one :>

a male around teenage years thank you <3

an sfw result pls would be nice hehe

as for my personality, i’m a she/ her infp and a capricorn, to start off :D i think i’m a pretty curious and open minded person. i’m an introverted person who likes to be an ‘audience’ more by nature, but i’m also pretty talkative and affectionate i think. though, when my social battery run out i do tend to become a quiet person who just hang around and listen almost immediately haha ;;;; i’m a pretty idealist person, while also trying my best to be open and understand another point of view. and as i like to think a lot, while it came with its benefits like considerations, sometimes it ended up in some bad habits like 2 am 4 am silent overthinking and putting unnecessary pressure on myself to the point i got cold feet hohoho. however i do recently realize with little reassurance and praises that is convincing to me, i got cheered up almost immediately ahahaha my biggest love language are words of affirmation & acts of service, even though i’m pretty receptive to all! (words of affirmations and acts of service are definitely up there tho <3)

my hobbies include watching movies and videos! animations, indie stuffs, and ‘making you think and reflect’ stuffs especially lately haha. i also enjoy reading, writing, and drawing! (i think, it’s the aspect of ‘learning’ and ‘a story of something’ that interests me the most from these kind of activities) i also likes looking at aesthetically pleasing and pretty pictures and such. i do also enjoy going to new places. my faves are mostly related to art or history! i go alone sometimes, with my friends sometimes too. on my downtime, usually my go to is a long hour of rpg or idle gaming in my room. or scrolling down my phone for random trivia and advices while listening to something ehe

my ideal date would be to hang out, and maybe eat, in a place that is not too fancy, somewhere indoor if i have to choose tho haha. a calm & quiet place my date likes or have fond memory would be nice honestly, like a hole in the wall restaurant or a cafe they often hang out in, for example? a simple, pleasant time is more than enough for me. though, i think as long as i can listen and talk to them, i would be fine anywhere

i think that’s all! i hope it is enough and also not too much! thank you so much again :””” sending you many virtual kisses! i hope you can have fun and take your time doing this, i’m looking forward to it :3 wish you a nice day and night dove! take care <3

💌 ✮⋆˙ love letter to...popponn!

hi popon!!! srry this took a little longer than it usually does,, i rlly wanted it to be perfect n finals week got a little in the way! also i think we have the same glasses LOL,, ur so pretty tho like i love ur haircut,, the bangs are so cute so suit u sm !!!! i rlly hope u like this n i had a lot of fun doing this matchup!!

[ ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹ ᰔ ] your complete matchup results!

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ APPEARANCE PAIRING ! congratulations . . .‧₊˚🪐✩ZANTETSU TSURUGI₊˚✨⊹♡

with his height, zantetsu towers over you and holds your hand, making sure that you don't get lost in the crowd. he may not have the biggest brain, but he does have the biggest heart. he'd do anything to see that bright smile on your face whilst your hair blows in the wind. if there's one thing he's devoted to more than soccer, it's undoubtedly you; and he wouldn't change that for the anything.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ PERSONALITY PAIRING ! congratulations . . .‧₊˚👾✩YO HIORI₊˚🌑⊹♡

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ chemistry analysis . . .

while reading through your personality traits, i realized that i wanted to pair you with someone similar to you rather than someone who's your opposite. i also wanted someone good at communicating, which crossed off nagi (lol); and then i landed on hiori after debating a few other options. i think that you and hiori would definitely be the most compatible compared to any other blue lock boy— and you two would be really cute together!

one thing that you and hiori have in common, is your preference for a quiet life. you're both extremely introverted people and like to avoid noisy and obnoxious crowds, which makes it easier to find comfort in each other when you need a little break from socialization. rather than standing on the sidelines in silence, the two of you talk to one another and quietly comment on the conversation whenever you're in a social setting— genuinely enjoying each other's presence over a large group of people. when you're in need of a social break, hiori's the person you know you can go to.

being observant is one of hiori's major traits. he's extremely good at reading people and understanding how they're thinking without even having to ask, which would be extremely beneficial whenever you have those nights where your mind is running wild and you can't seem to sleep. hiori is right beside you, asking you what's wrong, and talking you through your feelings in the gentlest way he can. your happiness is of utmost importance to him, and he can't rest until he knows you're feeling better. he's also a great communicator. he knows how to explain his emotions and understand other people when they struggle to do so. with that observance and communication, he's the perfect boyfriend for you.

your hobbies also really align with hiori, considering that gaming is also his usual go-to when he doesn't know how to spend his free time. the two of you could be on a discord call together, in the middle of the most difficult rpg campaign that either of you have ever played; yet somehow still manage to complete the hardest task possible since you have such great teamwork. if either of you wasn't feeling up to play for some reason, you could simply watch the other livestream and lowkey backseat game if that's what your into— though hiori wouldn't mind. he just likes to hear your voice, no matter if you're telling him what to do or simply giving him some helpful advice.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ memories on the wall . . .

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ a treasured moment . . .

"happy anniversary." hiori smiles at you softly as the glow from the dim over-head lighting casts dancing shadows across his face.

the atmosphere of the familiar restaurant is so comforting. it's almost like a warm blanket enveloping the both of you and squeezing tight until you're fast asleep. it's been a year since you first came here, having walked through the doors on your first date and choosing to come again and again to make more memories as the time goes by.

"happy anniversary to you too." you grin back, shining your bright teeth at him and mouthing a quick 'i love you' as you begin to look at the menu.

there's a smooth piano track playing on the speakers, so lovely that you'd think it was a live band if you hadn't asked a few months ago. you and hiori love this place for the intimacy the ambience brings. you don't have to shout to hear what he's saying and he doesn't need to be overly outgoing to get your attention. it's almost as if this place was made just for you two, and you were so lucky to find it so soon after finding one another.

"you gonna get the same thing as usual?" he asks. he knows you so well.

"obviously."

[writhe]

dude i hate long workdays so much when i leave and i feel dysregulated and so separated from any rhythm of the natural world. it was beautiful today, and now the sun is going down, and i’ve no ‘real’ interaction with people (as myself vs. ‘Working With Public’ guy) and the day starts and ends alone and without (barring Halliwell) any genuine or meaningful social exchange. usually get home and feel too uncomfortably hungry (even if i’d packed a sufficient amount of food for the day) to know when i’m full 

i’ve been trying to challenge myself on what i call ‘work’ or don’t because i realized i was only calling my day job ‘work’ when i spend most of my time alone, when home, working on shop stuff or commissions or something otherwise related to money or productivity (which i guess can also include housework) 

i’ve tethered myself to working (or productivity) so much that i’ve been very neglectful of any hobbies that allow me to rest. i prioritize active hobbies (ie, hiking) first because i love them but also partly because halliwell needs the engagement, partly because i start feeling terrible if i don’t spend at least a good part of the day out of the house, and partly because it’s easier to keep doing things when i’m just doing them. i have a hard time sleeping if i’m not completely exhausted 

i try to force myself to ‘do nothing’ and i’ve gotten a little better at it, i can bake something for friends, i can sit or lay down and read for a while now, but most of the time i find myself in some sort of nagging doom scroll, telling myself i will close my phone and get on with heat setting or orders or finish or start a drawing or send an email etc etc etc. then i procrastinate because here is the LICK of downtime i’m allowing myself, here, on my phone. i don’t feel enriched by time spent this way, i mostly feel as if i’ve failed to start something and all the content i’ve idly glanced at somewhere in my mind half-stuck and not fully retrievable. it’s like smeared text. unflavored food. ruffage. it is unengaging yet inescapable. i’m not learning i’m just seeing everything until nothing is really novel, in a way that feels passive and dull

i want to do things that feel motivated by interest again, not money or deadlines. i don’t want to experience the world on the clock. i want to feel satisfied by curiosity and experimentation 

days like this make me feel so small. i’m tired and hot and it’ll be dark and buggy by the time i get there, but i think i am going to go to the woods and i think the mosquito bites i scratch will be the only proof i’m something living in the world today. i’ve spent the last few hours on my phone unable to make a decision, i feel under and over-stimulated. i wish i had someone to chat with. i wish i could spend more time alone in ways that were enriching to me. i wish we could all experience the world in ways we were meant to