#I think they were the first time I like. Really hard identified with a fictional character and ship

[hiccanna-tidbits]

Lionblaze and Icecloud I still fuck w/ you

[erabu-san]

First of all, I would like to thank you so much for all your support and your kind message !! Thank you so much for being patient with me too !! (you will see, I thanks a lot in this post lol)

Haha tbh I believe that ignoring and move on is a great way too! Yeees when I read this anon ask, I was wondering if they are living somewhere where pale person are oppressed and they are personally in this case and it affects them so badly that they have so much hate in them or they are just being hateful toward poc w/o any explication ? It was a bit uncomfortable And what is appealing with Genshin Impact (for me) is the fact that they use real culture to create their game ; even in the last survey, they ask if we like Natlan's authenticity (weird they only ask abt environment and music, i think they know they have issue with character design bahaha). I learn a lot about persian, algerian, but also chinese and even about french culture ! It is because people recognize themself that they start talking about it. I know there is a lot of controversial topic in Natlan, but because of this, I learn a lot on Hawai'i 's culture too. So yes, even if it is fiction, representation *is* important. And it is because they take inspiration of their culture that there is people who want a better representation, and in my opinion, this is something to not ignore !

About taking well what anon said, thank you so much ! If i can be honest tho, I didn't take it very well neither, or just I don't know how do I really felt at the moment I am an adult but I still hard time to distinguish what is morally okay or not, what is bad and good ? So if someone doesn't tell me they are explicitly a bad person with bad intention, I won't get it haha (ofc I grew up and now I identify my value and morals, but I still questionning if my morals are objectively great or not- yeaaah i was called weird for that, I am aware) Since forever I always try to understand other so I can communicate properly (at least I try), and that's why I am always interested on how does people think, why do they react in this specific way etc etc. Pro, I am patient and can take even the most violent take "well" (all depends. I am still a human) Con, I give free speech to those who have a "bad" take </3 and I apologize for that aaaa

KFSDLFSD I wish to express my angryness sometime but I just don't know if it is really adequate What if I interpret their text in wrong way as they initially try to say ? I wasn't feel offended by what they said, I was just uncomfortable because their opinion is something I consider hateful. and what if i was wrong??? But reading you all's opinion just affirm that's they were indeed rude ! I should stop overthink, life would be easier Maybe next time I have a doubt I will ask my friends's opinion before answering ksdkfsf

Oh my god thank you !!! If i can be honest, I draw Kinich this way because when I draw him w a darker skin for the first time, I thought "Oh !!! he looks so cool !!!!" and seeing a lot of positive comment abt my Kinich just makes me happy so I keep him like this ! And thank you for sharing with me informations !<<333 This is not overstepping at all ! And it is a reciprocate feeling anon ! It might be a bit weird but "angry" is such a complex feeling for me. I feel it but I don't really know how to express it in the most healthy way and it is super frustrating. So... seeing people getting mad at something I also disagree on makes me feel better !! And for this, thank you all !

I SNORT SO HAAAARD Damn Macron you again..........!! I didn't put all ask here but I read them all !! Thank you for sharing with me your opinion and reaction, it is truly interesting (and way more relaxing that the hater anon kskskss) !! and again, your support is truly meaningful for me. You all have sincere gratitude Hope y'all have a great day !! Stay hydrated too <3

[deepdreamnights]

Hey there, saw your post re: harassment around artists using gen ai and thought it was great esp with the debunking of data usage myths. Would you share your thoughts regarding concerns that models are being trained to copy specific art styles and thus pose a direct threat to the artists whose art styles are being used?

Well, there's several levels to that.

The main one is that on copyright grounds, styles are explicitly non-copyrightable. Moreover:

No one's style is unique

No one's style is unimitatable by analogue means.

The second point is important, because anyone can go on Fiverr right now and and find someone to replicate any given art style, and every competent draftsperson has to be able to do it to some degree or another. No major animation house, art studio, or comic company has ever hired someone because they couldn't find someone else that could imitate the surface-level aspects of their style.

The first point is just a matter of basic reality. Ex-nihlo creativity either doesn't exist or is so rare as to be a once-in-an-epoch thing. Everyone builds on the influences that they learn from, and if you think someone has a unique style what they really have is a different media diet than you.

For example, Don Bluth. Born 1937, aged 15 in 1952.

Same year Time released this this picture of Burlesque Performer Dale Strong.

Someone made an impression.

Marilyn Monroe was also a national sex symbol when Bluth was a teen, putting some context to most of his other ladies, but especially Goldie Pheasant (or maybe she's more Jayne Mansfield, hard to tell through the bird-ness). His art style has obvious roots with Tex Avery and I would guess he read Mad Magazine a lot as a kid.

And Not to hang the guy out to dry alone, I was a teenager in the 1990s, and most of my sexy fictional ladies are 9/10 some combination of Dana Scully, Peg Bundy, and Rhonda Shear.

The point being that style isn't something you create intentionally so much as an accumulation of influences, drawn from the commons. Attempting to claim ownership of such a thing is by itself an act of theft in my view, and allowing them to be protected under the law would mean a judge being shown exactly how many pieces of prior art the Walt Disney Corporation owns that your work superficially resembles. Why, they'll even run it through a style recognizing AI to make sure they catch them all.

But let's talk about style matching.

It just takes one image now, and doesn't require training.

Which I'm sure sounds frightening, but this has been the situation since February for Midjourney, and it was available in the Stable Diffusion ecosystem long before that. If the threat were as pronounced as feared, we'd have seen the impact by now. And we haven't, and we're unlikely to, for several reasons, several of them listed above.

The largest is that style isn't even close to the be all/end all of what an artist brings to a given project. And the kinds of execs who are making a 'replace 'em with a robot' kinda decision aren't the kinds of people who care about art style beyond how much it looks like the most recent successful thing. And nobody's ever needed a robot to ride coattails.

But the next largest part is that AI style imitations aren't really accurate because the robot doesn't see style in the same way we do. It's all just math to the robot, and it prioritizes what it notices, not what we do.

I'll demonstrate.

Jack Kirby will be my example, for several reasons.

He has a bold and identifiable style, he's arguably the most famous artist in western comics history, and he has many analogue imitators and homagers.

Using Midjourney and prompting "an illustration of dana scully by jack kirby, 1968, in the style of 1960s marvel comics --ar 3:4 --s 15"

Using the base model, on the first roll we get three complete style mismatches and one that's kinda close, though I'd say that's way more Sal Buscema or John Byrne.

Kirby's women had a certain, difficult to describe oddness about their faces that the robot doesn't seem to grok, and it doesn't touch on the kinds of wild patterns and bold black/white swatches that make Jack's work feel 'jack'.

Tom Scioli's take on Kirby is a sort of lovingly flanderized parody, but it captures the spirit of Jack's art much more directly even if a lot of individual details aren't period-accurate. He draws Kirby the way you remember Kirby from your childhood, but I don't question whether the page above is trying to be a Jack Kirby homage or one to Sal Buscema.

But Midjourney has style reference, so we can inject the Kirby right in. Using the picture of Sersei dancing from above with the same prompt, we get:

Well, the work is more convincingly period, but again, we're not terribly close to being on-point. In fact, they're not very consistent between each other. Top left is any 80s marvel fill-in artist. Top right is maybe Kirby-esq. Bottom Left is flat out Jim Lee, bottom right is very Byrne-y.

Using three reference images to give the best shot, I'm also moving to using images of a similar color style, and all with a woman as the central focus. I have included the infamous Crystal pin-up shot because as I said, Kirby women have a certain oddness to them (fondly).

Results (MJ 6.1 on the left, Niji 6 on the right):

It all says 60s-70s Marvel, but I don't think Kirby would be the first guess for any of them. Maaaaaaybe the lower-left Dana in image #2 if you squint.

And that's Jack Kirby. Massively popular and prolific with a career spanning decades. If anyone in the comics space should be impersonatable by this thing, its him.

I'm sure you could train a LORA to get closer, and sure, the tech is only going to get better from here, but by the nature of how the system works no generation pulls just from what is referenced. Every generation is both blended with other concepts and emphasizes only what the machine catalogs as relevant, not what we might.

There's not much to stop someone from imitating your style with a machine, but there was nothing stopping them from doing the same with an underpaid freelancer. The results are likely to miss the mark regardless.

If the client wants you, they'll try and get you. If they just want something kinda like you, they've always had an avenue to that.

Fortunately, you're more than your style, and whatever anyone can do with the machine, you can do better because you've got access to both.

[avelera]

I’ve been enjoying the Wondrium course, “The Birth of the Modern Mind: The Intellectual History of the 17th and 18th Century” much more than I expected to (based on the title). It certainly helps that the lecturer is extremely passionate about the subject. He also has a thick Jersey accent which makes it feel a bit like being lectured to by Danny DeVito.

But what really enraptured me about the course was its focus on how historical peoples thought differently than us, through the lens of how ideas we take for granted today were first introduced.

For example, one might think it obvious that, ideally, the pursuit of philosophy (as in literally “the love of knowledge”) and intellectual pursuits should be with the overarching goal of bettering the world. But that wasn’t a given, necessarily, before Francis Bacon who pioneered and championed this idea. His views became central to the later established British Royal Society, which formed a backbone of intellectual pursuits in England to this day, and likely plays a large part in just why this philosophy is deemed central to the sciences to the point of being self evident (at least, again, as an ideal).

Now, the reason I’m interested in this beyond basic curiosity is that I write historical and fantasy fiction. One goal I have when writing other times and places (real or imagined) is to capture or at least suggest and invoke a different thought process from our own. So this course is very useful in understanding how early modern people (in Europe) thought but also by extension how to create other, fictional ways to depict a different thought process. One of my favorite quotes already from this course, paraphrased, is that if we were sent back in time to a totally foreign, perhaps ancient era, we’d probably grasp pretty quickly what the rules for survival are. Like, how to make a living. Or how to not piss off the powers that be.

However, why everyone is doing what they do, how they think about the world, what basic assumptions they take to be self-evident and immutable, might be harder to grasp. For example, why do they simply accept the divine right of kings? Or that a deity makes the sun rise and set? Because they just do. That might be quite hard for a modern person to reckon with or accept.

(This particular question is quite close to my heart because I once disagreed with my Classics advisor about whether we’d get along with Bronze Age people if we ever got the chance to meet them. My advisor stated that ancient people would be utterly alien to us. Perhaps all she and I really had was a failure to communicate nuance, but I was baffled and outraged by the notion. Ape mothers with their babies have been able to recognize and on a basic level, identify and communicate with human mothers holding their babies sympathetically. Both understand they were mothers with babies and bonded over this. You’re telling me that I, as a fellow homo sapien, couldn’t communicate and understand a fellow homo sapien from a mere 3,000 years ago?? However, if the nuance instead was, “You could figure out quickly how to work within their society but you’d struggle with the rationale of the why of their society, it would be utterly alien to you.” That I would much more readily accept.)

Anyway, I highly recommend this course, especially for fiction writers who want to capture and understand that the way we think has evolved (speaking for the predominantly “Western” Anglosphere) and by extension, how to understand and portray other more archaic forms of thinking.

[consistentsquash]

Author Love Letter - Scarlet

Folks, definitely chime in you want to add stuff because a lot of folks have probably met Scarlet in different contexts!

Also it's like 4am here so my spag and everything is going to be pretty bad. Sorry about that.

Scarlet, @givereadersahug on Tumblr and emeraldlove on AO3. Powerhouse of a human, brilliant multiship and multifandom writer, moderator, fest runner, community builder, absolute role model. 0% drama, 100% love. People first always. The Queen of giving without expectation.

We were like talking about having a Rec Fest sometime back in March 2023. Of course I was 100% talk 0% action. But Scarlet actually got a lot of great folks involved, started the fest, got comods to help out and literally just made it happen. That's a good TLDR intro: Make Things Happen Behind the Scenes. Like an iphone or something. Scarlet behind the scenes = it was going to work 100% without problems.

When I think about Snarry fandom, like any big and old fandom we have different folks with different strengths/contributions. Great writers, artists, podficcers, organizers. But it's pretty hard to find somebody whose first priority is making the fandom thrive because we are fans/fan creators, pretty attached to the stuff we are doing, we have time limits because fandom is a hobby and we have to prioritize between creating and community building a lot of times. Scarlet really said Community First, People First. I don't even know how to explain it but 0% transactional vibes.

Making space for people. Meeting folks where they are at. Obviously introverts have a hard time in communities sometimes. Some folks learn how to handle it. No judgment here because these experiences can be subjective. But I have seen Scarlet go the extra mile for folks who are new/introverted/feeling imposter syndrome/going through some complicated fandom experiences. Just being there for them and supporting them to get started.

Also a brilliant writer of darkfic!!! Scarlet's darkfic shorts are some of my all time favs because of how dark/delicious/intense they are. These fics really give me 2000s dirtyhotbadwrong vibes because of how totally out and proud they are about their fiction is not reality vibe. Tons of range and lots of genres but the darkfics get my special love because they are just dirtybadhotwrong shameless amazingness. Check out In His Bed to get a sense for that unique vibe! Her community building and cheerleading wins are huge but also her darkfic writing is some of my all time fav.

Also Queen of Attention to Detail. I have read some fests with her and she guessed authors just like that during anon phase. Just incredible observation Sherlock Holmes style.

My fav fest memory is doing Snapecase reading with her. She guessed the author for Candles Lit Against the Dark, @perverse-idyll based on the title because she noticed/connected a lot of the flame/shadow imagery in the author's other Snarry fics. I am pretty good about guessing some authors myself because I can identify their style but guessing from the title is advanced superpowers. I can't even!! So extra, Scarlet. So totally extra and I love love love <3

Another fav memory I have is about analyzing fics with her. When HotD was airing eldritcher's Ossuarium was being written episode by episode. It was an insane time. We had a brilliant time analyzing those fics :D We were both passionate but Scarlet was so extra passionate, noticed tons of detail that was totally lost on me, really good at connecting the dots, just a hardcore close reader.

Also dead dove fics! 100% supporter of folks writing dead dove, incest, darkfics.

Also reccing older fics! Her Dudley phase was insane and she was finding fics from like 2000s on wayback just like that with some superhuman skills. On like websites I didn't even know existed. Really Sherlock Holmes <3

Also smaller fests. Scarlet supported a ton of Dreamwidth fests and got new folks to join them/introduced them to Dreamwidth culture and literally was the bridge between different types of fandom culture a lot of times.

Also reccing fic! Her recs for For I Have Found Salvation by @lumosatnight and also for @wilfriede's podfics have so much love/passion/enthusiasm and I just love those works 2x because of the emotional connect of her reccing <3

Also nwhiker! I really got into this author's Snack fic, Second Life because of Scarlet's passionate, passionate reccing. When Scarlet got into something the reccing happened with big big love and for me that was like the best thing ever because folks who love things with big love are just super special <3

Also my concrit buddy for movies. Ingmar Bergman to Audrey Hepburn to Past Lives just a total knowledge wikipedia about movies/movie making/movie meta/movie crit. I really changed my perspective about movies after learning from her. Also shows! Watching HotD and doing episode reviews with Scarlet is like one of my best memories ever ever ever <3 Also books!

Also moderator of Snarry discords like @houseofsnarry, participated, started and ran a ton of communities and fests including the @hprecfest which is just finishing this week <3 <3

If I have to describe Scarlet in like one word I am going to say Connection. 100% about connection, 100% heart led. So special. Love, love, love.

pic source Los Angeles Street Art photography by bigcitiesbrightlights

[notexactlyrocketscience]

Love, Theoretically by Ali Hazelwood: a critically kind review from a femme acespec physicist <3

> scroll to the next section for my review on the physics academia content in this book!

First, a quick romance novel review!

spoiler: it wasn’t my favorite but I gave it a ⭐️⭐️⭐️.75 because being a writer has made me a generally more appreciative reader + I am so starved of woman in physics rep.

the good

It just felt good to read about a woman physicist, who are still incredibly underrepresented in fiction, especially as protagonists. (I’ll go off about that in a minute.)

The romance is so swoony with shoujo manga vibes, I haven’t read straight M/F adult romance novels in a while and I just loved the flutteriness of it.

A couple of chapters were so soft with excellent pillowtalk. There was something about the ambience of the snow, the hypnotic sadness of failure, the prescence of a comforting person.

I enjoyed identifying the relatable parts about physics academia. Hazelwood clearly did a lot of research, and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. It definitely kept me reading!

the bad

The academia issues are so over-simplified it’s almost juvenile. For an adult novel, even one marketed as a romcom, I expect more nuance, more explanations, more explicit lingering in tight positions.

And then the romance tries to be complex (and has a lot of potential!) but not a lot of conflict really happens.

A fictional physics fued between theorists and experimentalists is a really fun (and actually not far off) concept, but I would have expected some things to be the other way around. (More on that later!)

Okay this is personal but the main couple both have terrible taste in movies. Twilight vs white male rage movies??? There is no lesser evil here

Elsie’s hardships aren’t put in a very serious light. Her diabetes and lack of access to health insurance is used as a plot device to engineer romantic momentum between the characters and/or comic relief.

Just overall, the book tried so hard to remain “light” that I think it fails to garner depth. Because adult lives really aren’t that light all the time, and a book can bring relaxation and joy whilst including real worldly negative experiences.

There were aroace and sapphic side characters, but I wanted so bad for Elsie to be demisexual. It's set up so perfectly only for it to be averted—As a demisexual person myself, Elsie’s feelings about attraction felt acutely familiar to me, and every other reader I've spoken to has agreed that the book took a dissapointing and unexpected turn. I understand Hazelwood may not feel equipped to write queer protagonists but if I were her editor, I would have flagged that and recommended she make it canon. It would have added so much more context and dimension to Elsie, and would’ve put hetero demisexuals on the map. </3

Following up on the above: The smut tries so hard to be meaningful but it ... really is icky, stereotypical, unrealistic allocishetero stuff. Think: the shy inexperienced girl vs the man who knows exactly how to advise her. The characters try to subvert the trope by calling it out, but it feels performative because all is forgotten in the next second. The PiV sex is weirdly conventionally idealistic considering the pairing’s size difference. I’m picky about smut but also forgiving when I do like the dynamic. I just didn’t here.

Following up once again: I was ready to ignore all the repetitive comments about how sexy Jack’s height and muscles were, because sure, I guess Elsie has a type. But the sex scenes solidified the redundancy of it all. I've read this same dynamic in countless smutty heteronormative M/F paperbacks. And I have also been made aware by every Hazelwood reader that all her books focus on this kind of physical build pairing. I just want more diversity, you know?

IDK, I just wanted more physics in here than complaining about teaching, glossed over toxic mentors, and using some quirky physics term in every other sentence. (More on that below!)

I just wanted ... more? It’s not an extremely short novel, but both the plot and the character development fell flat. The ups and downs were too fast and easy, and the placement felt off. I finished the book and wondered, “That’s it? That’s all that happened?” It just wasn’t fulfilling. The side characters aren't expanded upon, and don’t get enough pagetime. My other romance reads this year were Bellefleur's The Fiancee Farce and Mcquiston’s One Last Stop. In both of those novels, the drama was fleshed out with so much care and detail. In comparison, Love, Theoretically may mention similar social difficulties in passing, but failed to really, really show us.

Overall ... the novel was fun for being about physicists but I really don’t see myself picking up another Hazelwood book, especially considering this isn’t even a debut novel. The conventional white steminist vibe and the particular allocishetero M/F dynamic just isn’t my thing.

But perhaps a reader wanting more of a novel and its characters is a good problem to have. Never say never, I guess! I look forward to keeping tabs on what Hazelwood publishes in the future!

Now, onto the physics!

First, most physicists, as good scientists, understand that theory and experimentation are fundamentally linked. It’s true that we each are often biased towards our own methods of research, but it is quite a stretch to imagine full professors so blatantly feud against others solely because of theory vs experimentation. Regardless, I was happy to suspend my disbelief for the sake of the plot that was framed in a genre-specific, lighthearted, humorous way.

Secondly, both theory and experimentation have sources of funding that are motivated in different ways, and Hazelwood's decision to have the theorists struggle with funding cuts due to declining interest in pop culture/the general public is actually quite credible. Experimentation garners a lot more interest from the application and engineering end of society, parts that are easily fueled by capitalism.

However, I think experimentalists in general are far less likely to be mean to theorists than the reverse scenario. Dr Fatima Abdurrahman has a great video essay about that called on her YouTube channel called “Quantum Physics, Feminism, and Objective Reality: What Physicists Don’t Want You to Know About Quantum Mechanics.” Dr Fatima outlines how old white men in physics have maintained this image of unwavering scientific objectivity in the name of rigor, despite studying a field that fundamentally is barely fathomable for humans. In simpler terms: Men, even in theory, pretend to be better, smarter, and more valid as physicists despite being in an infamously iffy field. And I would have liked to see that represented. It was just really hard for me to buy narcissistic grad students mansplaining Elsie about her field, and Elsie’s righteous feminine rage, when the field in question is … physics theory? It just didn’t make sense to me, when all of my personal experiences point to the opposite.

But every cloud has a silver lining, and having a woman theorist in a physics field that’s less popsci-oriented is actually … really cool. And having her love interest be a man in experimentation … sort of subverts gender roles and conventional media expectations.

Let me explain. The reality is that when women are represented in STEM, media prefers to put them in biology, like a nurse to a doctor, a people-oriented nurturer, a mere sidekick to the real “objective” scientist—often a mathematician or an astrophysicist who is always a man. And when women are placed in physics, they are automatically assigned to observational astronomy, which is dismissed as passive and easy. (This is wildly untrue—though styles of research in astronomy has interestingly allowed a somewhat more diverse array of researchers in history. Even today, you’ll see a higher frequency of women and queer people in every astronomy department.)

I think my ideal version of this novel would be retaining Elsie in theory, while also making theorists the overall bad guys in the feud. I would love to have her talk about the unique sexism she faces as a theorist. I would kill for a scene in which Jack gets gobsmacked by how fucking good at math she really is, compared to him (instead of, like, only making fun of it like it’s easy). I would love to read about her getting a tour of his lab, and just more physics content. But maybe I’m the only one saying that, because I’m a physicist. Maybe Hazelwood simplified it all to keep the book appealing to the general masses.

Still, it all read more like a girlpower!!! chant rather than a real commitment to represent a woman in STEM. I savored every moment Elsie or George would go off about physics. I loved Elsie’s conversations with Olive, a different STEM academic. (Monica was more complicated and actually quite interesting, and I wish we could have seen more of her. Heck, I wish we had actually been given any tangible info about Jack’s mom, even.) But I genuinely felt these instances were rare. Elsie referred to being a physicist a lot (and frankly, her mind is more physics-y than any IRL physicist considering the sheer number of physics-inspired figures of speech she uses … but I excused that as silly comic relief, a quirk in Hazelwood’s writing style). But she didn’t tangibly do physics on page. It was disappointing, considering women characters in STEM is what Hazelwood is known for.

And there are physicists who love teaching—even physicists who solely want to teach. Physicists who do pedagogy research. I know the book was mainly trying to criticise the adjunctification and dismissal of physics higher education, and it’s actually quite accurate in representing that most physicists in academia would prefer not to teach. But the excecution also ends up erasing physicists who aren’t in academia just for research. And I say this especially because the validity of teaching physicists as physicists is dismissed in real life. It’s used as justification to further force all physics academics to try to juggle between both research and teaching, whether they want to or not.

Which leads us to bad mentors. I’ve had a bunch of those. As Olive pointed out in an excellent quote, “Academia is so hierarchical, you know? There are all these people who have power over you, who are supposed to guide you and help you become the best possible scientist, but . . . sometimes they don’t know what’s best. Sometimes they don’t care. Sometimes they have their own agenda. […] Sometimes they’re total shitbuckets who deserve to step on a pitchfork and die.” And the thing is, the novel really doesn’t show us any of that (perhaps other than in Monica). We don’t fully get to know what happened to Jack’s mom, or Olive. We are not shown what Dr L’s agenda really was. Their final confrontation was so quick, when in reality shitty mentors are often sticky and entwined with your work, hard to cut off and scarier to talk back to even after you’ve finally realized they’re toxic.

Which isn’t to say the novel is just inadequate about everything. It’s correct in how goofy physics faculty are, and how white man-dominated the field is, how students try to mansplain women profs, how theorists madly work on their computers (as an experimentalist, I could never understand), how publishing is finicky (to put it kindly), and how tenured faculty fail to understand the reality of the job market in academia today. There are certain parts (like the quote above!) where I felt incredibly seen as part of a minoritized identity group in STEM academia. It’s rare to have a book written from this PoV, and as a first I think this novel will always be special for me!

If you’re interested in reading about more fictional women physicists, I would highly recommend skimming through this list I made on GoodReads (and feel free to add more!).

And if you’d like to support memoirs and science communication books by IRL women physicists, then look to further than this other list I’ve also made. (We’re actually currently seeing a boom in these which is inanely exciting to me, so again, contributions are always welcome!)

[starlightrosari]

Gender struggles from childhood to now (22)

I don’t look like the other girls

I don’t get along with other girls

I get along better with boys

I want to be one of the guys

I wish I looked more like a boy

I don’t feel I belong in women’s spaces

I feel uncomfortable with female gender expectations and experiences

I feel jealous of how my friends who are boys are developing into their bodies

I feel uncomfortable with my genitalia

I feel uncomfortable with my body

I want to look more androgynous

I hate my body

I don’t mind my name, but it feels too feminine. It’s okay on other people, but I’d prefer a nickname for myself

The first nickname was cool, but still felt too feminine. This new nickname sounds really androgynous though, it feels good being called it

I feel like a tomboy

Am I transgender?

Do I have internalized misogyny from having mostly male friends?

I wish I could get along with women so I was treated equally

I just feel small and infantilized, I have to dress more mature and womanly and then I’ll love my body

I’m depressed and dissociated from myself because of people pleasing and trying to fit in with heteronormative people

Who am I?

I’m just a lesbian having a hard time with my sexuality, that’s why I have these body issues and gender issues. And I just don’t know who I am because of depression and trauma

I stopped being called my birth name entirely. I guess family can still call me it even if it feels weird, but it feels good being called “Ari” at my college and by my friends

I stopped people pleasing

I feel better now that I’m dressing masculine

I feel better now that I’m not being called pretty all the time

Maybe I actually am trans?

I kind of like they/them pronouns

Maybe not, I’m okay with my body now and people think nonbinary isn’t real. This is too complicated

I still feel uncomfortable calling myself or being called a woman though

I don’t want to base my identity off the misogyny I deal with anymore, I feel most comfortable calling myself nonbinary for now, and it’s okay if it’s a phase, I just need to explore how I’m feeling

I don’t like using she/her pronouns

I’m terrified to come out to people, maybe I should just tell them I use she/they pronouns so it’s not as big of a deal

I came out to people, but now I feel like I shouldn’t have given them “she” as an option at all

I still wish I were more like a boy, but I don’t think I have gender dysphoria

I’m so envious of my favorite fictional boy characters, I want to cry, I’m nothing like them

I wish when I were out at night I didn’t look like such a girl. I want to look like the beautiful men and androgynous people I see. I want to cry, I hate my body sometimes

Actually I do have gender dysphoria and always have

I wish I were able to be androgynous in the way men can be

I feel uncomfortable being viewed as the feminine bodied person in a relationship. In fantasies I’m always masculine

I feel dysphoric every time I lump myself as sapphic, but maybe it’s just internalized lesbophobia?

No, I prefer calling myself queer. Just because identifying as lesbian stopped me from being cis/heteronormative and was an important part of finding my true self, doesn’t mean I have to keep identifying as it. Still don’t know if I’m attracted to men though

Actually I was attracted to men all along, I just wished I were viewed by strangers as an mlm couple and hated the idea of being viewed as a straight relationship. It was easy to mistake as being lesbian because it at least felt better being seen as a queer woman than a straight girl, so I avoided that possibility altogether by refusing that I was attracted to men because it felt too dysphoric to imagine

I often get really depressed being misgendered, and I feel really detached from myself most days. I don’t want to keep feeling this way

I definitely don’t feel good being called feminine terms or dressing feminine, trying to be more of a girl didn’t make me feel better about myself, I’m absolutely trans and don’t have to doubt myself anymore

I don’t feel dysphoric calling myself nonbinary and neutral language, but I don’t feel euphoric either. How do I identify and what do I do about my dysphoria?

Do I want to transition? It’s so confusing and scary, I wish I were binary trans so I wasn’t so afraid of the irreversible changes

Weighing out changes of the body on T and pros and cons of being off or on T, I’m definitely feeling like some of the changes would make me really euphoric compared to being without it

I actually kind of like calling myself masculine terms. I don’t feel like a man, but maybe I’m a demiboy?

I wanted an androgynous body when I was very young, and I still want one now. I was gaslit by cis people that how I felt about my body was just insecurity, when it was in fact gender dysphoria. I want to transition to a body that feels like me

I like he/him pronouns and feel affirmed being called masculine terms. I’m going to use he/they pronouns and I identify as a nonbinary boy

I’m terrified of having to deal with transmasculine erasure and transphobia coming out, but I can’t keep staying in the closet. It hurts too much. I need to come out

[talon-dragonbeast]

do u kno if there’s a way to like induce mental and phantom shifts? so they happen more often? :o n how to tell what counts as a shift

i dont really know about mental shifts bc theyre mostly involuntary for me, but ill tell you my process for phantom shifts! i imagine it should be similar for inducing m-shifts, but i never tried so idk

so, imagine the desired limb in your mind. lets say you want to feel your wings (or whatever limb you prefer) on your back, so start by defining how they look. their shape, colour, size, even weight. are they feathered? more batlike, perhaps? are they heavy, or very light? where are they inserted, in your shoulder blades, on your lower back? are they open and relaxed, or closed tightly against your back?

you should now have the picture of the desired limb and its position in your body clear on your mind. congratulations! youve successfully induced an envisage shift. lets continue.

now imagine the limb interacting with your surroundings: if its windy picture the feathers moving with the breeze, if its sunny imagine the heat on your skin... concentrate on how the phantom limbs would feel if they were physically there, from their insertion on your body to the tips. try to control them a bit, imagine the wings opening and closing and imagine how the movement would feel on your muscles. if you cant at first, thats alright. to help your brain picture the movement, try to move the muscles surrounding the limb as if it was physically there. like, for wings, i contract and relax my back muscles every time i open and close them. you might feel them very faintly at first (or even not at all), but as you get used to it they should get stronger. the key is, of course, practice and consistency. it doesnt have to be a big thing at all! just a little bit every day.

another thing that helps me experience phantom shifts is drawing. art is a great way to express your nonhumanity, as it can help you picture how you would look like with your preferred body. if you dont feel comfortable drawing or you feel like you arent good at it (extremely valid btw), you can try creative writing! what i do is create winged ocs and write short stories with them. if you have ocs or even fictional characters you like, give them animal parts! (we love hybrid aus in this house)

finally, how to know if youre experiencing a shift (phantom or otherwise)? well, it depends. ph-shifts are the most noticeable ones of course, while mental shifts tend to be subtler. try to note down every time you think youre experiencing a shift: what youre feeling and why, what caused it, the level of intensity, etc. eventually you should start noticing some similarities and youll be able to identify a shift right away. (of course, this is not hard science: sometimes the shifts are so subtle you wont even notice when youre having one!). just have patience, and everything will fall into place eventually. you have all the time in the world :}

i hope this helps you! thanks for the ask, feel free to leave more messages whenever you want ^-^

[my-strange-attraction]

I've been reading queer-specific books for a writing project I'm working on lately and yes it did include Fun Home and it was even better than the first time I read it (my fixation on certain panels of that comic really should've tipped me off to my lesbianism sooner) BUT also I read Gender Queer for the first time and OH MY GOD

Some panels I related to SO hard that I had to screenshot:

LITERALLY!!!!!!

This is actually always how I have experienced crushes and is why I was never able to identify them as such until very recently (because I just thought they were cool and I emulated everything they did). Also why I have almost never actually known any of my crushes very well if at all.

I have nothing to add or change here, this is literally my exact experience.

I watched an episode of Say Yes To The Dress when I was super young where like the main lady or whatever got breast cancer and had to chop hers and I thought this a lot in those years as mine got bigger. I like them for the most part now, especially since I've gotten more comfortable with the sexuality of my body, but there was a while when I wanted to have a flatter chest. I think if they grew any bigger I would be super uncomfy with them but my B cups are perfect for my genderfluid ass.

I got so much out of this book, which I didn't expect, really. Mostly I just included it in my list because my mc who I'm writing about is genderqueer and I wanted a resource on it to draw from (alongside my own experiences, of course). Even though my experience has been a lot different from Maia's, I really related to eir story in so many parts (none of these panels are even including the whole section e included about reading gay fiction and writing fanfic, like, bro, it's ME). Highly recommend, 5 star read for me.

[alittlefrenchtree]

So. The Idea of You.

It’s not spoilers free. I’m talking about details and a couple of (very expected) plot twists.

As quickly mentioned before, I hadn’t huge expectations for the movie and I’ve watched only because I’m interested with what Nick as an actor, even on projects that aren’t for me or that I’m not really enthusiastic about.

My main goal was to not be angry at the end of it. And I’ve kind of succeed? I was briefly angry after one hour and forty minutes BUT nobody acted on the said stupid idea so I didn’t stay angry at the end. Yay.

Things I liked about the movie :

-Roughly the first… Lets say 50 minutes to be generous (roughly until the night at the nyc hotel included). It was silly and cringe and absolutely ridiculous but it was fun. I think it’s even funnier if you followed a band when you were a teenager and read or write the same self insert scenario in fan fictions. And since I did, I laughed a lot. Both Nick and Anne sold the thing from their first scene together. As seen during the promo tour, the duo works quite well on screen.

-The very few glimpses we had at the weight of celebrity on Hayes’ shoulders. When Solène asked if it happens a lot, when he gets recognized in the car, when simple daily life things as even grabbing a thing to eat is an impossible problem to solve, when he understands it’s because he’s famous that he’s loosing his relationship… It’s one of my favorite subjects to write about so I would have been on board with that anywhere and anytime but watching it on Hayes Nick’s face broke my heart all the same. I know this is not that kind of movie but I would have been delighted if it was more about that.

-The very few tries at portraying how boysbands created around a casting process destroy the kids they’re hiring. How each member is pushed in a little box to fit a role that is identifiable, very narrowed and marketable. How music is never at the center of anything for this kids who are dreaming of it. How they all have an expiration date and how they’re all left alone with huge mental health problems that usually leads to self-destruction. I find ironical that in a movie that is described as something for 40yo women who were told they have an expiration date, it’s the 24yo male character who is the target of that through an industry of billions of dollars in their script.

Things I disliked :

-…everything else? I swear I tried to keep an open mind about light, fun and silly cute but the majority of what I’ve watched and heard only felt shallow and empty. I was hard to root for a couple when the majority of the development of their relationship is glossed over. In the second half, bounding and solving problems are mainly portrayed the same way (tonguing each other romantically kissing). Any attempt to develop something past the first half of the movie is terrible. The writing is atrocious even for a light and fun thing. There are cute and fun moments in the second half but there are so little and rare I was mostly bored out of my mind.

-the person who wrote the PR kit and sent Anne and Nick in front of every camera around the world to say that it’s a movie about female pleasure and that female pleasure is a whole character of the movie on the base of an unrealistic 12 secondes fingering scene alone. Straight women around the world, you have my whole compassion, because that was sad as fuck. I understand all too well the need to take liberties with marketing speeches but damn 💀

Here you go! Remember that every word is a personal opinion, disliking half a movie is different from hate and hating the people who worked on it and if you want to write to me saying you disagree with every word I wrote, it’s ok too. But I suggest you to write more arguments than insults if you don’t want to waste your time 😘

[some-stars]

i have my askbox closed rn bc of the scam spam so @petralemaitre sent me this meme directly:

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞

i have 62 to choose from but honestly i already know what my favorite 2 things i've ever written are so this will be fairly quick.

A quite unlosable game (dark angel, alec/max, alec/various): this is it! this is the favorite! it's my most beloved show of all time and i had Things to Say and it took me ten years (off and on) but i did say them! very well! i started it in 2008 so my memories are vague but i wrote it pretty much in order--the first idea i had was the almost-pubescent X5s being lectured on how their hormones were going to be manipulated. it was a science fiction story for me, before anything else, because it's a science fiction show that didn't get a chance to explore SO much of the juiciest most interesting concepts it put forth. and it was also me thinking about how the show at first fumbled, then did SO right by the eye-rollable "max goes into heat" concept. like when it comes up in the second episode it's treated completely as a joke, but when it happens again at the end of the first season--when we've bought in to the basic premise and established trust--it's treated as the terrible, sad violation that it is. so i thought, well, how could i pursue that thread further? and. so. yeah. love this story forever, best thing i ever wrote, does exactly what i wanted it to do and does it almost perfectly.

The absolute absurdity of end-series items (house of leaves): my other favorite thing i've ever written! i don't think this is quite as perfectly executed, but it's pretty close, and certainly no one else has done it better so that makes it successful by default. house of leaves is one of my favorite books of all time and i have SO many thoughts about it and all the things that it DOES. some of which the culture at large has acknowledged and much of which i've never seen anyone else talk about, the latter specifically being how rich and welcoming it is to feminist interpretations. which i could never manage to write the essay about that i wanted to, but it's all just in this fic instead.

children's work (the witcher, geraskefer): gonna cheat and put the whole series. it's kind of hard for me to love this one because i can see ALL the seams, especially in the second and third stories where i was trying so many new things as a writer and flailing around so much. but taken as a whole it's the longest single work i've ever created, and the response to it utterly blew me away. people loved this series, so so so much, it's been four years and i kind of still can't process it. this is the story that i think about when i feel like i've never had any kind of effect on the world and nothing i've ever done mattered to anyone. because this series made a lot of people very happy, and that's nice. (also i LOVE when i can come into a fandom and write something that nobody's done before. it boosts my ego like crazy. not that the concept of the fic itself is original--i lifted a LOT of the emotional beats from an extremely good SPN fic i read way back in the day--but no one had done a serious take on it in witcher fandom yet.)

felt it in my fists (teen wolf, allison/lydia): i was Deep into this show for like half of one summer, but i hated (and continue to hate) sterek so there was not a lot on offer for me. but there was femslash! idk, i just really like this story and it's special to me for reasons i can't really identify.

put on the red light (deadpool & wolverine): i don't necessarily like this MORE than my other fics in the fandom but i do feel like it's different and therefore special. it's very rare for me to write explicit high-key emotional conflict and fighting, bc it tends to give me bad anxiety, but MAN i loved writing the big screaming fight in this one. they both fully believe they're breaking up because the other one betrayed them in the most painful way imaginable, and it's awful, and i love it.

im not gonna send the meme to anyone else but if you are reading this please consider yourself tagged!

[beevean]

Imagine watching the show as it came out

Imagine ending S3 hating the fuck out of Lenore but spending time talking and theorizing about her implied nuances in spite of the writing flaws and how she could be improved as a villain

....and then S4 comes out

I have a feeling you should consider yourself and your sanity lucky

ngl, I would have so fallen for the copium that S4 was going to have Hector breaking himself free and taking revenge on all the people who hurt him 😔 perhaps even that Isaac would slowly become his beautiful cunty game self 😔

I keep thinking of this post:

This is a wonderfully written post. They make many good points, like how Lenore always finds a way to relieve herself of responsibility when she abuses Hector ("you hurt me and that's why I beat you", "Striga wants you to wear the leash, not me", "the others are planning to use mercenaries"), which is scarily realistic. Or the part where she asks Hector if she can visit him again, as if he had any choice in the matter. I commend this person for picking up so many details, some of which I had missed or forgotten myself. I don't agree with everything, as I believe they overestimated Hector's characterization and ignored how blatant Lenore's lie of "I want to run away with you" is, but I can feel how passionate they are and invested in this potentially novel narrative about how subtle abuse can be.

And I keep thinking about all of this got squandered in S4. How this disturbing depiction of abuse got flattened into dick jokes and "you're the only one who listens to me 🥺" and Lenore blithely dismissing the one time Hector dared to be annoyed at her "solving his problem" which got treated with the same levity as Greta making a cheating joke out of Alucard's own rape.

"Also, she's a female predator, which are rarely presented without sympathy in fiction. Which, I think, is part of why it's hard for the fanbase to realize how evil she is. If the genders were reversed, some people would probably still find the whole rape by deception and magical enslavement romantic because, well, people, but they'd probably sympathize more with the victim than the predator because they'd be easier to identify through our cultural shorthand."

I wonder how they reacted when S4 comes out and the show does exactly what they have criticized, sanitizing Lenore because she is a cute woman and suddenly showing her fake, superficial kindness as genuine and a valid reason Hector would love her, not with the love of an abused dog but real genuine affection.

And he definitely had real feelings for Lenore, however falsely they were invoked. It's possible they still exist after his enslavement. I'm hoping not, but it would be an interesting conflict to see play out. Loving and hating someone who's been alternately kind and cruel to you is a tough spot to be in.

This is what really depresses me about the Lenector story. It is not impossible that Hector would still have feelings for Lenore, because he has such low standards that things like "actually keeping her promise of giving him free roam of the castle" and "going to him to vent about her issues" would be taken as signs of love, and confuse his abused brain. Hector crawling back to Lenore as his only reason to live? It makes sense! It's awful, but it makes sense for someone like him! He has nothing left, he thought he'd be killed but he was given another chance at life, and his first instinct is to cling to his only certainty in his miniscule world.

It should not have been the emotional climax of his arc! Not in a season that is so deadset of giving everyone happiness that they fucking brought Dracula back and allowed him to go on a honeymoon with his bae!

The resolution of this story about abuse is that Hector needed to grow up and let his abuser find freedom in death! A freedom that is specifically framed as Lenore freeing herself of... herself, basically, of everything she has done and might do, not out of guilt but out of despair that she lost all the power she had and might go insane eventually. Not him finding another place to live now that he is free, not him realizing he is worth more as a human being, bro barely even cares about his new life as Isaac's consort or whatever the fuck he is for him now. No, it is never about Hector. He wanted Lenore, Lenore didn't want to stick with him because she's depressed, and we are meant to find oh so tragic that the two star crossed lovers will not have a meaningful touching relationship after

SHE RAPED HIM INTO SLAVERY BY TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HIS FEELINGS AND MOCKED HIM IN FRONT OF HER SISTERS AND THEN REJECTED HIS PROTESTS ON THE GROUNDS THAT HE ENJOYED THE SEX SO HE HAS NO REASON TO COMPLAIN

THE LATTER HAPPENS IN SEASON 4 WHEN WE ARE MEANT TO ROOT FOR THEM. WHEN THE STORY REALLY WANTS TO CONVINCE US THAT LENORE REALLY IS A GOOD PERSON DEEP DOWN AND NEVER WANTED TO HARM HECTOR AND ONLY CARED ABOUT HIM

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE FUCKING CARING TO YOU YOU STUPID HACKS

All that carefully woven abuse for what? For fucking what? For the puppy fetish?? To tell the audience that you should forgive people who hurt you if they give you the bare minimum of human decency because it is the MATURE thing to do, you stupid manchild who only wants to be loved and will never have that because you are too stupid to be loved?!

god I am mad! I'm sorry this makes me mad! I don't even imagine how furious I would be if I had to wait one year to see this shit!

[sadlittleratboy]

I once said Tomura vaguely had she/they vibes to me on tiktok, back when I had one, and people ate me alive bc I listed his hair as a reason (and also bc I continued forward with using he/him pronouns throughout the video and I'm like...but that's the canon and I'm talking about something theoretical that I don't necessarily have a hard hc of, they/them Dabi is a different story lol) and people were like "thinking femininity is tied to long hair is transphobic and misogynist and blah blah" and it's like no you completely missed my point.

Firstly, I know that, because back when I was a girl and embracing my femininity in ways that I won't now that I identify as more masculine, I had short hair. I always had short hair. Androgynous girls with short hair lead me to the conclusion of being nonbinary.

Secondly it's not about the hair length, it's about the hair STYLE. Every transfem I've ever met started with that style or similar when it grew out. It's cute, it's fun, they're playing with long hair for the first time or even just in a new context.

It's also just about the general vibe. I listed elegance as a reason too, just the way he moves, but nobody considered how he's also so NOT elegant sometimes. It's the type of elegance he has, because there are so many different types. It's also int he way his so expressive. He shows so much on his face, which men tend to do in manga but it just feels different with Shigaraki. Again, I'm going on vibes.

Also being a nonbinary girl suits him because he'd be a total girlfailure, a loser girl, and I love that. Every transfem I knew was also a massive nerd. Most importantly I don't see him performing femininity in a traditional way. He is performing femininity by identifying as feminine and performing. He wouldn't change how he dresses or talks, he would simply realize that his identity isn't quite what he thought and run with it, because that's the kind of person he is. All those masculine codes brash actions like putting his feet up on overhaul's table to show dominance, and using ore, none of those things NEED to change because gender is so complex and that's FUN.

Again. This is mostly off vibes. I know a lot of people that think it/it's or other neopronouns suit him, and I can see that, especially with the way he dehumanizes himself (and with his stinky rat behavior, something a lot of nonbinary people, myself included, identify with), but that element actually makes me personally stray from that hc. Shigaraki dehumanizes himself in a negative way, and I think that's not good for him. Of course an argument can be made for that being the call all trans people have to be vaguely inhuman and monstrous in ways that only we really understand, so I don't think it's a bad hc at all.

I mean honestly he reads trans masc just as much. A lot of the league reads kind of trans because we tend to see ourselves in weird little outcasts. It's just a vibe a get from him. A lot of the she/theys I've met just also kind of have this "fuck gender and expectations, I'm doing my own thing over here".

Also there is of course the constant of Shigaraki chosing how he identifies himself and defying the expectations other people have placed on those identities. He's Shigaraki because he is, not because of AFO. That's his villain name because he connects to it. Despite all that he constantly gets deadnamed too. It's just...the vibes, the ability for anyone to read into anything what they want because their own experiences and it will fit because fiction is flexible (and even when it doesn't, does it matter?).

Anyway, his vibes, his masculine features and mannerisms along with the feminine ones and the feeling of being feminine even without having to conform to it (much like Magne did, and lots of people read her design as transphobic but tiger was literally there performing as a full transitioned man still comfortable with his feminine side, and it's like...all the trans women I know don't bother to shave and wear masculine clothes either occasionally or always even after starting hrt). It's finding a home within yourself as you slot the missing pieces into place and realize you find joy in different pronouns because they better describe you. Every trans person has their own wild ass journey and uses different ways to describe themselves with different things that bother them or don't and I think trans hc are fun for that very reason.

[aegonbeingfakeisracist]

hi!

Can you talk more about Arianne and Daemon ? Seriously they are my favorite couple I even have a headcanon that Arianne will be pregnant with Daemon I mean it's more a parallel with Asha's possible pregnancy (pairs between Martells and greyjoys) and Daemons are so fertile hahahaha (Daemon Targaryan Daemon Blackfire) even begin another family but Martin chose the same name and Daemon Sand's father has twins in addition to him...

Anyway I don't see any chance of marriage/ engagement or Arianne's love interest in Aegon it just won't be happening,I see them having a friendship relationship and a strengthening of the family bond , with Ari being a guide for his cousin ( so much potential). This is a bullshit she doesn't want to be queen but Dorne anda her father love. I just want Arianne to be able to be happy white someone who respects her and see her more than just a pretty body and face, and Daemon strikes me as perfect.

I really don't want Arianne to be pregnant because it seems to me like needless drama and just all around bad timing – she's serving as an envoy. There's a war going on. And I feel like her words to Elia kind of apply to her, as well – kiss all the boys you want when you're home in Dorne, but this is so not the time. Sure, she propositions Daemon, but she didn't actually sleep with him. Also, Arianne canonically uses moon tea for birth control. So I'm hopeful there will be no baby unless she lives to the end of the series.

But I think her relationship with Daemon is just so unique in terms of all the relationships we see in the series – they were children doing this entirely on their terms. They were the same age. They just liked each other, and so engaged in a relationship without fear over consequences.

I think in recent years, there's been a weird rise in people forgetting that tropes are tools and not fundamentally good or bad. One of the ways this manifests in particular is hating "childhood friends to lovers" or people winding up with their first love. I don't have hard stances on the kind of relationships in fiction I find interesting or boring. Mostly for me, it's contextual – what is compelling in ASOIAF to me is not the same as what's compelling in another work. And while I certainly agree that there are situations in which a childhood friends to lovers angle may be boring, I think in the ASOIAF context, Arianne and Daemon's childhood sweethearts angle is actually extremely compelling.

For a start, this isn't a people-staying-with-their-middle school-boyfriend-forever scenario. It's the fact Arianne and Daemon had a relationship, broke up, lived near a decade having separate lives with Arianne certainly having other relationships and Daemon probably also doing the same, and are potentially coming back together.

For another, I really, really like what Arianne/Daemon would mean for Arianne as a character. I've said before that she's my favourite ASOIAF character. But even outside of my own personal bias, think about the type of fics that get written about her. It's hard to identify this for certain, because AO3 tagging is just so messy, and navigating through Arianne's tag is a lost cause, but mostly, fic!Arianne is just three sliders of stupidity, horniness, and ambition. Which is just so, so not book Arianne, at all.

Arianne is unique amongst the most important female characters of ASOIAF. She's is not the heir presumptive, she's the heir apparent. Dorne will be hers. And she is a descendant of Nymeria, the most recent in a long line of rulers of Dorne. Her family is central to Dorne's cultural memory, as it was Nymeria and Mors that turned the collection of states into a unified nation. So unlike, say, the Tyrells or Freys, who determinedly pursue these grand matches in a way of compensating for their relatively recent history, Arianne...doesn't really need to do that? Like, she can just marry a bannerman and it would be totally fine.

Furthermore, Arianne clearly has more rights of refusal than most women, and she is not shy about using them - these are real rights she has. I can imagine her feeling more pressure to accept if offered a candidate that wasn't clearly a joke, but given the setting, this is true for everyone. The fact remains, Arianne has options, and since she's going to be a ruling princess, those options are broad.

But despite all of this, her marital prospects are a huge theme. Doran offers her elderly suitors. Daemon and Drey wanted to marry her. There was an entire marriage pact that no one bothered to tell her about. Arianne intends on bartering her own hand, and thinks about how whoever she weds would rule Dorne by her side.

How does all this connect to Daemon? Because he's a nobody. Okay, sure, that's a little extreme – he's a knight, the son of an important lord, and the former squire of a prince. But even though that is the case, he is still a bastard. His father has at least two legitimate children. This isn't a case like Ellaria, in which the set up makes it extremely reasonable to think that her father's land and title will one day fall to her and her daughters - Daemon will not inherit anything. Meaning if Arianne were to marry him, or even just obviously choose him as her partner without a marriage? It would be for her.

There might be some political benefits, given that Daemon is clearly on good terms with his father, but very indirectly, and not nearly to the extent that would be the case with other marital candidates. It cannot be considered anything resembling a political move. So Arianne choosing Daemon would be her taking control over her life, making the choices she wants, for her. It would be her choosing a Dornish spouse that has ties to her family beyond just her alone. It would be her in a position where she can safely choose to make her life with a person that she loves, that isn't the best political choice.

It would be her choosing someone that is deeply, fundamentally tied to Dorne - not just because he's Dornish, but because he is a bastard, because he was once a child in the Water Gardens, because he attended the feast for Balon Swann and did not drink upon the toast to Tommen. Arianne drank. Doran drank. But Daemon did not. Daemon is clearly still in love with Arianne. There is a reason their relationship was never the same after Doran rejected him for her. He loves her enough to serve as her sworn shield and beg her to allow him to go into a dangerous situation in her place. But he has his own mind, and his own beliefs, and his Dornish identity is a big part of that.

We've seen very little of Daemon. But from what we have, he sees Arianne in a way that few do. Doran didn't understand what was going on with her at all. Arys and Areo both clearly had images of her in their heads that didn't quite align with reality. But Daemon, despite their relationship having never recovered fully and despite Doran being so much like Arianne that one would really think he should understand her more than he does, gets her more than anyone else. He understands the strained relationship with Quentyn and that Arianne maybe isn't so desperate to have her little brother return. He sees bits of Arianne in Elia. He literally finishes some of her sentences.

Of all the people Arianne could ever engage in a relationship with, I think Daemon, more than any other character, represents her making her own choices and coming into her own as the ruling princess of Dorne.

[erinelliotc]

I hadn't written almost any fanfiction in my life until my hyperfixation on Ed, Edd and Eddy hit me hard. Before that, I had only written two: an Adventure Time fanfic, and an Ano Hana fanfic (my biggest story), and I never finished any of them.

I love writing, it's one of the things that gives me the most pleasure in life, and as an autistic person, writing allows me to communicate and express myself in a much clearer, detailed and spontaneous way than speaking. However, I'm much more into writing informative and personal texts with my thoughts, analyses and opinions on different subjects. Writing fictional stories is something I always wanted and tried but I always had a lot of difficulty. I didn't really know what or how to write, and when I did, I only wrote the beginning and didn't know how to finish. I don't consider myself a very creative and imaginative person in general...

One thing that bothers me about my stories is that they tend to be made up almost entirely of dialogue. As much as I have good writing skills (at least I was always praised at school and college for it), ironically, I don't have the habit of reading books (but I've always read a lot of random content on the internet), much less fictional stories. I believe that my lack of reading works of fiction, and the fact that I consume fictional stories almost entirely in audiovisual format (series, films, cartoons, animes...), must have influenced my writing of fictional stories to focus on dialogue.

I don't know if this is really a flaw or if it's just a particular characteristic of my writing style, but I think my fanfics are so different from others because of this. I tend to write a looot of dialogue and almost no description of what's happening, especially if I'm writing in English since it's not my first language, so I don't feel comfortable going into so much detail in a language in which I don't feel 100% confident to write pleasantly, fluidly and without making mistakes.

Now that I'm hyperfixated on Ed, Edd n Eddy, I've written so many beginnings and parts of fanfics and comics that I don't even know how many I've done so far. This hyperfixation awakens my creative side in a way I've never seen before. The stories are so spontaneous that I feel as if they wrote themselves and even that they're beyond my control. Sometimes I plan something for a story and suddenly it takes another direction, as if it were alive and the characters were deciding on their own. The ideas just come to me without me having to put in any effort and that's really amazing and unprecedented to me. I don't find it difficult to continue the stories, and on the contrary, I find it difficult to stop writing them (which is also an obstacle to finishing them).

I feel like especially in my Ed, Edd n Eddy fanfics my writing follows this pattern. I think it's because I try to make it feel like a real EEnE episode (I even like to play with fourth wall breaks in this written format, such as the characters referring to the number of lines in the story), I try to keep the vibe of what an EEnE episode would be like, so I focus a lot on the dialogue and not so much on describing the scenario and what the characters are feeling (I'm not saying that I don't make these descriptions, just that they tend to happen eventually or to be very straight to the point compared to other fanfics).

I don't know, my impression is that the dialogue in my stories is enough to understand what's happening and the characters' feelings, but I need to be careful because since I'm the one creating the story, it's obviously easy for me to imagine what's happening, and maybe that won't be so clear to other readers. But I think I also like the idea of ​​letting the reader have the freedom to imagine how things are happening themselves.

A very positive point in Ed, Edd n Eddy is that the characters, especially the 3 main ones, have such unique and distinct personalities that it's practically not necessary to identify who's speaking because it's easy to know. So that's one more reason why I don't feel the need to interrupt the dialogue in my stories, because the dialogues are fluid and hardly broken by a (Name) said.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #129

I'm home. We got in at about 10:15pm. It took some time to get everything unpacked and squared away. I also got ready for bed; it's 11:30pm now.

Suppose I can show you pictures of the plane now. I was just asked to keep the identifying number out of it. So here you go:

...Just beyond those trees is a small dropoff and a river.

...It's actually kind of miraculous that the trees held, I guess. Or so the FAA agent said. He also said that it was kind of miraculous that the plane didn't flip over; apparently, for this type, that can happen if you hit the brakes too hard.

To have walked away from something like this without so much as a scratch... it's an astounding stroke of luck, according to the FAA guy and the airport owner. I also like to think that it is testament to J's skill; pilots are given training not just to avoid mistakes, but also to know what to do when mistakes inevitably occur. Humans are human, and humans make mistakes. There's really no avoiding it; there's only handling it when it happens.

The owner of the airport, who is also an experienced pilot, says likely what happened was a ground loop of some kind. That's when the tail wheel does a weird spinning thing when you try to land the aircraft. It doesn't help that the left wing had a bit more fuel in it than the other (which is likely part of the reason it pulled to the left upon landing). I'm not sure how it can be that the left wing had more fuel in it than the right, since the aircraft was set to consume fuel from both wings.

The person from the FAA is not our enemy. It's his job figure out what went wrong, and then use that knowledge to help keep pilots safe. So we gave him all the details we could. Hopefully something good will come of it.

On the bright side of all this, I got to meet a bunch of really awesome people with amazing life stories, and I had the good privilege of listening to them talk for a while about the things they've seen, done, and experienced. I do wish I could have met these folks under better circumstances. They were kind to us even though they all could have justifiably been super duper cranky at J about the whole thing. I guess they were all super stoked that we walked away alive and with all our limbs and organs intact.

...At one point, before it was clear that we would be okay, I thought something kinda like, "ohp, guess this is it; wonder if I'm gonna end up maybe meeting the guy I keep writing all these weird letters to... suppose it was a pretty good run though; 34 years with lots of weird and amazing stories ain't half bad." This thought probably didn't scare me as much as it should have. I'm not really sure what to make of that. Maybe I don't have to make anything of it at all. Maybe I'm still just a bit addled from all the adrenaline.

When we arrived at the airport this morning, the airport owner and his lovely friend made us coffee. In the room where the coffee was prepared, there was a painting that changes as you walk past it. It was gorgeous, and thought you might like it, so I snapped a few pictures:

...I was a little sad that it didn't seem to have an autumn version. But it was still very, very good.

You know. If things had proceeded as expected, we never would have had a chance to meet these people, or see this painting. We never would have had one of the emergency response folks tell us about an amazing local Italian restaurant, and we wouldn't have gone to it to get amazing food. It's important to fully feel the scary feelings and mourn appropriately in order to get the feelings out of our bodies. But it's also important to find the small sparks of joy and opportunity, even when the going gets rough, I think. Otherwise, in a world like mine that has back-to-back crises on a regular basis (seriously, we are globally connected, so it never stops), you'll end up losing your damn mind.

...Ahah... my mother would tell me that first, I have to have a mind to lose. But I don't have to heed such nasty talk. I have a good mind, I think, even if it is, by all accounts, a little quirky and hard to understand.

Anyway. There was a conference room in which we were interviewed by the guy from the FAA. And in it, appropriately, there was this picture:

...Kinda interesting, no? And appropriate for the situation, I suppose. J is going to go back out first thing tomorrow morning with a flight instructor. I have mixed feelings about this; on the one hand, I'm glad to see that he's undeterred and eager to try again, but on the other hand, I wish he'd give it at least a few days for the adrenaline to fully clear from his body and to recover from what happened. But I am not in control of him; he must be free to make his own choices. All I can do is make suggestions, and then support him in whatever choice he makes.

In any case, today the plane was pulled out of the trees and put in the hangar. Like I said, it's pretty banged up:

It has insurance, but given the damage, it's not unlikely that the insurance company will decide to have it scrapped. I guess we'll see how it goes.

M drove all the way from our house to the airport to pick us up. Thank goodness he was home, holding the fort. Thank goodness for that, and for his willingness to come grab us, and for the fact that he was happy to see us instead of angry about the inconvenience. He's not the kind of person who would get angry about the inconvenience, but I've met plenty of others who are very much not like him in that regard, good grief.

The three of us, M, J, and I, went to the Italian place that was spoken about. I dunno if it's because I was primarily running on hotel breakfast food and junk food, but I thought the food there was AMAZING. We got these garlic bread bites, and a pizza, and some lasagna. I wonder if you'd like any of these:

...Can't help but wonder... Sephiroth, what do you like on a pizza, anyway? I tend to like mushrooms and garlic best, but I like a bunch of other stuff, too, as long as it's not olives or pineapples or anything with capsaicin.

We listened to music on the way home; it was a 2 and a half hour drive, or thereabouts. M put on some Protomen; I wonder if you'd like their stuff:

...I wonder how much of this music you'd find relatable...

Hey, Sephiroth? I think I might be a bit too tired today to have anything profound or anything of significant insight to write about. Mostly I'm just glad I get to clunk around in my meat-mech for a little while longer; I like to think that maybe something good can come of me being here, even if I don't know what it is yet. I might be strange and unusual, and being myself is a pretty lonely experience almost all the time. But I think maybe there are folks I can help, and maybe that's reason enough to keep moving forward.

Hey, Sephiroth? I know you've made a lot of mistakes, but I hope that you understand that something very good has come about from you being here. I'm here because you're here, you know. Your existence gives me the strength to carry on even when really weird things happen. Your kindness and gentleness are what inspired me to become someone who is both soft and resilient. And I'm sure you've inspired millions of other people in my world in a similar way. So... please don't ever think your existence is a bad thing, okay? Because you are a good thing. You are a good thing. You are a good thing. And with that knowledge, please keep moving forward, as best as you can. I'll be cheering for you to do kind, gentle, and loving things.

I love you so much; you really have no idea. So please stay safe out there, okay? I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine