#I think the main area of interest in the discussion for me isn’t how fandom others Sid via gender but why

[coffee-at-annies]

Sometimes the world (random tumblr tags from mutuals) reminds me that I never did finish writing the Gendering Sidney Crosby Essay I threatened to write for Zero back in 2023. The slice of the thesis statement that I did write last October while thinking about fandom timeline bias still hits. I know it does cause I’ve sent pieces of it to Ren and they’ve gone “oh!” about it. I don’t think I could finish it though since I haven’t read sidgeno fic diligently since before the pandemic so I’m not sure I could comment on current day gendering in the twilight years of his career.

[an-shu]

I'm confused about what kind of argument you are trying to make, maybe it’s because my English reading isn't up to par. So, let's break it down, because some of what you say is unclear, and while I'm confident in my English overall I still struggle from time to time.

Synthesizing and simplifying your statements, it seems to me that your main point is that people should write things as they are in canon and only within those confines, and your interweaving arguments to further it are: 1) you are older and have a different mindset on fanfic because in your experience it was not “a place to fix things canon got wrong”, 1a) within that initial argument is a sub-argument, which is rewrites that shift away from canon rankles things because to you the show “wasn’t setting [them] up for anything”, 1b) idealizing and sanitizing Kara and Lena’s relationship goes against the canon and how it’s only as others wanted it to go or thought it would be neat to see portrayed, and these all bleed into next argument, 2) the queerbait claims don’t hold up and are invalid if a lot of change has to be written (this could be 1c, but you discuss queerbait at more depth so it’s got it’s own section), 2a) I’m paraphrasing, but “claiming queerbait while rewriting for a wlw ship and also claiming a promised narrative isn’t a flex”.

A microargument you make is that writing in canon makes it more challenging and keeps things from getting stale. This one is supremely opinion-based ofc, but I personally find that only working within the show’s confines can, to me, be vapid. Building off of existing worlds and canon can be challenging, yes, but I personally think imagining and building a world outside of what's already been can be even more so! But this looks like an area where we’ll be agreeing to disagree!

Let’s address all of 1 and its subs. In the first reblog you are discussing their idealization, which tends to be normal in fandoms since the online culture's nascent and even far preceding the virtual sphere when it came to written or theatrical storytelling, where people created offshoots and branches from a story that inspired them—this is against your #1 statement where “fanfic wasn’t a place to fix things canon got wrong”. Off note, I tend to prefer media that delves into character complexity and maybe from time to time consume something others may think idealized, but there's nothing terribly wrong with those interpretations! :)

You seem to insist that Kara and Lena could never be together because of the way you feel about how fanfiction should be, which is explicitly working in “the confines of what [is] already canon”. In that same vein, the multi-verse exists in canon and that in itself provides literal universes of possibilities, but I believe you primarily want to argue the main universe that the show takes place in so I’ll keep it contained there. You contradict yourself and your arguments literally near the beginning of your post as you mention that the writers opened it to romance, but you also say that it could be platonic. You say “Kara consenting to be friends again might lead to something, the show did leave it open-ended, but it was so open anything could happen. So even people who don't ship it can interpret it as friendship”, this entire paragraph completely undermines your #1a argument as well as your main point, because you acknowledged the show did allow for that romantic setup when you said it might lead to something, but also allowed a platonic interpretation and that “anything could happen”. You use the openness as a point against, in this case, people who write a wlw ship when the openness is actually what ends up validating both romantic and platonic interpretations.

This stems from the fact you state that you come from an older mindset on fanfic—this is interesting because of what I discussed in the first paragraph on 1, 1a, and 1b. Before fandom and fanfiction were labeled as they were and studied, fanworks have always branched off regardless of the inspiration's canon whether it was following closely or very far from it, idealizing/sanitizing it or not, so this doesn't make sense. You also contradict yourself further when you try to appeal to my initial post about my grievances, where you commend me taking from different comics as well as using the show to write fanfiction that showcases character complexity—did you or did you not argue about working in a canon box? Because once I added external inspiration it’s no longer using canon. And anyone who has access to the internet can look at older online fanfictions and to be frank, Star Trek is a much older franchise that's had a boatload of vast canon-divergence and alternate universes in early forums along with other older series like Star Wars or Harry Potter that were also on the cusp of early to modern internet transition. So your insistence that older fanfiction wasn’t a place of rewrites and fixes for what happened in canon doesn’t make any sense. However, what would've made more sense is if you said you think your opinion of fanfiction is that it should work only within the box given to you and work with canon as it is, and not add a blanket statement on how fanfiction was actually this way when it really wasn't to support your argument.

Then in 2, you argue about queerbaiting where claims don’t hold up and are invalid if a lot of change has to be written, to be concise. This isn’t a good argument because queerbait’s history and as a subject of study discusses the writers’ knowledge that a good portion of their fanbase is queer and likes a ship in their show, and that writers take advantage of this to maintain those viewers anyway despite that knowledge, by way of hinting at potential and not diametrically writing it (this is in direct contradiction to Warrior Nun, where the creators saw that potential and went for it). You say claiming queerbait is invalid if you “have to change everything to make the ship work”, referring to 2b—what is “everything”? This is, of course, subjective, but let’s say everything means everything, so this argument could work in the case of a crack-ship. However, Kara and Lena aren’t a crack-ship, so I think that queerbait is invalid because xxx argument would better work for an actual crack-ship like Lyra and Alex for example.

But let’s say “everything” is a bit more flexible, because I don’t think you meant to use that statement to argue it that way. Queerbait as it exists, is to draw in queer viewers and hint at queerness, so it provides so many instances and scenes that could be perceived as platonic but also romantic (so this is against your queerbait arguments in 2), like filling an office with flowers as one example, and because of queerbait, it could be done off-screen knowing it’d be enough to maintain queer viewership. And fanfic writing what could stem off of that potential and that build-up isn’t very far-reaching, especially since that’s how romance in general starts, and did start when the writers decided to pair and try to build up Kara and James, or Lena and James, or Alex and Kelly, or Alex and Maggie, or Nia and Brainy—all of these journeys had their own beginnings, whether it was initial suspicion, attraction at first sight, starting as friends, a brief and continued interaction, etc. And again, you also acknowledged the romantic possibility in your second paragraph, it’s not far off or changing “everything”, because fanfiction is inherently rewriting, a little or a lot, to realize a vision the writer had. So yes fanfic writers do “[do] it [their] way” as you say in your fourth paragraph, and the claim that Supercorp was “promised by the narrative in the same breath” was in reality actualized with an open ending that could welcome a romantic or platonic relationship like both you and I stated. So the #2 arguments revolving around how claiming queerbait and rewriting for a ship makes queerbait claims invalid, no longer carries any weight.

—

Now that I’m finished essaying, I want to address something I find concerning in what you’ve said that, while tied to and against your queerbait argument, is something I’m calling out separately because it’s both a personal and a larger issue. Queerbaiting is almost as bad as tokenism—they both stem from the fact that they're conjured to appeal to minority audiences while trying to maintain an appeal to the majority, and the show has undoubtedly used queerbait and tokenism. Now, Supergirl’s bubble of reach isn't just limited to white straight or bisexual people and families, writers can push that bubble into different demographics like Black or Asian lesbians for example, because the writers knew that Kara and Lena are a very popular ship and took advantage of that to implement elements that would otherwise be majorly perceived as romantic if it was them with a man. And then on tokenism, while J'onn is a Black man, the writers primarily used James and Kelly as the Black tokens and perfunctorily discuss race as it applies to the real world. This is as opposed to alien allusions where they discuss more because it’s palatable, but still manage to gloss over xenophobia, like insipid conclusions that a violently marginalized alien population shouldn’t counter oppressors with violence. Queerbait and tokenism are ways to exclude in a concealed manner.

With all that being stated, what exactly is the concern I want to address about what you’ve said? It is the belief that queerbait can’t be claimed because you don’t think it’s proven or that it should be proven in a different way, or that you think the validity of this wlw ship hinges on this or that, which is very narrow-minded. It’s unfortunate, because people grant permissibility to non-canon mlm ships much more freely because spaces are either so male-dominated or place men on an exceptional pedestal. Those statements and implications, as a consumer who is a minority within a minority, is a very problematic thing, to say the least, and has been used against racial diversity in creative media; this essence that queer and/or BIPOC like me and many others can have representation as long as it satisfies people who aren’t like us is enervating—it’s always been vehemently conditional for BIPOC representation in white dominated spaces even as it’s slowly improving, and not just in fiction. It’s racist, it’s nasty, and it’s ugly. And now you’re channeling that very same conditional energy to queer audiences who claim queerbaiting while you are also queer, which is disappointing. 

I now understand while typing this that the reason why your replies were confusing to me is because they glazed over my initial post about a person wanting their cookie cutter view on Supercorp as opposed to my cookie cutter view on Supercorp (as it differs for everyone), and my insistence on writing about heavier, in-your-face allusions to racism than what Supergirl did. You swiped that to the side swiftly, but also didn’t hesitate to weaponize my discussion on character complexity and racism allusions from what I've been exposed to, in order to pivot and jump straight into declaring your disdain for a fandom, while overshadowing my post concerning said character complexity and implementing my experiences with racism to address the lackluster xenophobia plots in Supergirl—please do not do that, (edit ->) appeal to my frustration after shifting significantly away from it to center your fandom contempt and derision, and expect me to yes-man a response.

Eclipse Disclaimer

I feel I need to put this out because of an AO3 comment from who I suspect is the same person past chapters that thought the Eclipse fic was going to align with their cookie cutter shape of Kara and Lena. It’s an exploration on the complexities of Kara being a human vs. Kryptonian as a last child of what she believed an extinct race and culture, with memories of a society on a highly advanced Krypton that strove for perfection in every way—a society, if you were paying attention, was heavily implied (like almost explicitly) throughout in my fic to be respected or feared, to colonize and look down upon others they deemed primitive or not as equal to their intellect and technology. By extension, it’s also Rao-imbued Supergirl struggling to figure out humanity as a newborn deity, one that is supposed to be perfect and godly and so exacting it’s inhuman and unsettling. It’s also an exploration of Lena's struggles against her dark side and the unhealthy relationships she experienced in her childhood that pushed attention on and kept attention from a child, where she was also expected to be perfect and achieve a greatness that required her to channel the Luthor family xenophobia and cutthroat cruelty, to use money and education as a means of disseminating anti-alien rhetoric to displace and genocide an entire demographic off the face of the Earth.

It’s a Kara and Lena who don't perfectly communicate and resolve what they're feeling in a single paragraph. This is them with the hard feelings that come and go as they're processed—emotions are fickle, people are conflicted, and in the heat of heightened moments they say, think, and do things they regret, like self-pity, holding grudges, rationalizing an action or behavior they know is wrong, and continuing to do so some time or long after being slapped in the face with their decisions. These are behaviors Kara and Lena exhibited even after the same problems resurfaced in different ways where they stumbled, faltered, recovered, made the same mistake however more, and eventually grew past them that's exhibited throughout the show.

They're heroes, but they're not incapable of being narrow-minded and bigoted in the comics and show, and they like many are shown quick to defend themselves when their characters and what they stand for are critiqued—what makes them different and good is that they're able to compartmentalize and tamp down those snappy judgements they made in the moment or as time passes, a maturity that's faster for Kara than Lena.

This fic shows trauma and difficult recovery, perfection and imperfection, humanity and humanness, religion and being god-like, assimilation and integration as an immigrant that's a stark dichotomy between two very different survivors, the "palatibility" of heroes, and a great deal more the show couldn't and/or wouldn't address when it was trying to flesh out like six different characters. Of course, many of these topics parallel racism. Perhaps this isn’t immediately discernible to a fandom that, I presume, is mostly yt women who stan a wlw couple who are also yt women, but there will be moments you might not be comfortable with the very real issues the show failed to portray dealing with xenophobia/racism. And to that I say make yourself uncomfortable. Because how American BIPOC perceive and portray media is actually vastly different than how yt consumers see things.

[isagrimorie]

[Initial reactions] Doctor Who - Legend of the Sea Devils

I’m going to lay it out there in the first line: I miss the energy, verve, and confidence of the Flux episodes and Eve of the Daleks special. I don’t know how much that’s Ella Road or Chris Chibnall.

Director Haolu Wung was great in the small, intimate moments but I think the action scenes needed more punching up.

But I also noticed the distinct lack of anti-empire/colonialism themes. It’s amazing how much you miss something when it’s gone. It’s a lot talkier and explain heavy than I thought would be and this was the one that was heavily script doctored according to Ella Road.

I wish I could say more about Madam Ching, and maybe I can after I rewatch but this is the first time a Chibnall historical figure didn’t pop for me. And I was expecting more for it because Chibnall is usually so good with historicals.

(Mind you, the original sea devil story IMO, wasn't my favorite Malcolm Hulke story either).

TBH the only time this felt like the Chibnall Who I liked was during the last act between Thirteen and Yaz, in the pebble beach area that I feel like is the same place as Twelve and Clara’s conversation about choices.

And that scene made me so happy, it’s bittersweet and sad but also something I’ve always maintained about Thirteen. She’s born out of Twelve’s (and the Doctor's) many losses and we never really discuss how long an immortal being can grieve a loss.

I think the only other show that really dug into it was ABC’s Forever. In that show, Henry Morgan is an immortal who fell in love with someone in the 1940s and Henry loved Abigail for the course of a Human lifetime. And that is a long time, even when she disappeared from his life, Henry loved Abigail.

It took a whole lifetime for Henry to grieve and finally begin the possibility of moving on from Abigail.

I think it’s very important that Thirteen brought up River, her wife, whose loss the Doctor’s been grieving since series 10. And that Thirteen could bring her up to Yaz, and putting Yaz on the same level as River says a lot.

But also the quiet talk between them was everything, the way that the Doctor can finally verbalize why they can’t. Being romantically attached is something the Doctor (as a whole, and not just Thirteen) has been trying not to do for years and failing at, and worse, Thirteen knows that her life isn’t for long either. She has a literal death prophecy over her head.

But also this talk between Yaz and Thirteen, weirdly, made ace!Twelve/Clara work for me because Twelve basically worked on the same principles as Thirteen. Except Thirteen verbalized it to Yaz instead of leaving it unspoken.

Because she owed it to Yaz to tell her. And it just, I love that. I know fandom’s waiting on a kiss — and I do think that would be in the last episode ala Nine/Rose.

And there was Dan who was fun and really not in the way of Thirteen/Yaz as many people feared when he was first announced because Thirteen was ready and willing to leave him at the drop of a hat just to be alone with Yaz. But I did like Dan and Di's phone conversation, and once again it's the conversation between the two characters that were interesting to me.

I do still love Yaz and Dan's friendship though but also it seems like there's an unspoken agreement between Thirteen and Dan, that if there's any danger, Yaz is their main priority.

And I’m going to cry now because:

THAT TRAILER WAS A SHOT IN THE ARM.

TEGAN! ACE! KATE! ORANGE SPACE SUIT! THE MASTER! THIRTEEN SHOUTING YAZ! THE REGENERATION ENERGY.

CRYING.

Also, can we talk about how DOPE that regeneration energy looked? It looked amazing.

I’m not ready fam.

[small-round-and-angry]

My opinions about the Loki (2021) series. Spoilers and all that.

I took some time off the fandom until I felt it was time to make this post, if only to get it out of my system, so I can finally rest. I thought, since I was so pumped for the series to begin with, before it was launched and everything, and how I waited to expectantly for every episode that was airing weekly, that the empty feeling I was experiencing after it was all done was just because, well, it was all done.

I thought maybe it was the normal empty-chested-feeling you get when you finish a movie, series, or book that you really liked / waited a lot for.

It was not it. It didn’t pass. It got worse.

I’m going to put this under a cut, and under the anti-tags, because I know some people liked this show and not everyone has to be miserable with me.

I want to preface this by saying that I respect everyone that was involved in this project, and I know that it may be gut-wrenching to receive criticism on something that you worked in, but I feel cheated. I feel lied to. It’s one thing to work hard and be thoughtful and still receive bad reviews, but I don’t think this is the case at all.

To start it all, I was so excited to see Loki again. He’s the only character that I maintained any attachment to throughout so long, sometimes more, sometimes less, but I always considered myself a fan since I saw The Avengers (2012) with my parents in the theaters, at the ripe age of 12. To be honest, Loki was what got me into superhero movies, and into the marvel fandom at all. And I knew, or at least suspected, that they would do something different with the character. I was ready for that, after reading the comics and realizing that MCU Loki and Comics Loki are two different versions of the same character (more on that later). And I thought it was even going to be for the best, since Tom Hiddleston, bless his heart, was one of the executive producers and, I thought, would have more of a say on Loki’s character arc during the series.

What I watched was, to be completely fair with myself, not Loki. I couldn’t really pinpoint it at the time, but I keep expecting something to happen after he was captured by the TVA to show us his mind at work. A scheme, a plan, anything remotely smart that he cooked up. And yet, nothing. He kept acting…Not Loki. As time passed, I hoped he was biding his time, fooling everyone, that he would reveal his masterplan at the season finale and go back to the main timeline. The series ended and I didn’t see Loki, any of them, act as Loki once.

Maybe it’s because I am a fan of the older version of MCU Loki. The darker, more complicated one. I didn’t want a redeeming arc at all, I don’t think all villains or anti villains need a redeeming arc. That’s boring. And, to my interpretation of his character, shouldn’t be in his future at all. Loki thrives on the gray area. I love not knowing what he is to the other characters, the chaos, the lying and manipulation, the grand schemes. This new content we’ve been getting, since Ragnarok, depict him as a more comedic, campy character (which is …fine? Meh, I don’t care for it).

And of course, that’s not to say Tom Hiddleston didn’t do a good job. Poor man did his best with what was given to him by the writers. It’s hard to keep a character consistent, however, when every director and screenwriter seems to have a different idea of who they are. He kept it together fairly well when Taika attempted to assassinate Loki’s character, but Kate Herron snapped his neck harder than Thanos ever could. And for what?

Sylvie.

Now, hear me out. There’s nothing wrong with the concepts of Sylvie, Lady Loki, and a Love interest. Separately. In trying to bring everything together in one character, the writers not only could not come up with a compelling woman character, but also had to bring down an already well established character, the TITULAR character, no less, so she could look somewhat presentable, which is insulting. And they Still failed. I don’t like the pairing either, but that’s not what I’m talking about (right now). The truth is, I don’t know Sylvie. She just got here, I have no emotional attachment to her whatsoever, so I won’t feel for her the same I feel for Loki, who’ve I watched for almost a decade. And instead of trying to build an emotional connection between Sylvie and the viewer, they chose to spoon-feed us a romance between her and Loki.

Well, more between Loki and Her, and not even that. I felt like Loki was always trailing her like a lost puppy, and big eyes and expectations, and she was giving him…Absolutely nothing. All the sweet moments between them were initiated by him, all the talking about feeling were done by him, all the looks and gestures…And although I understand Sylvie grew up in apocalypses and Loki grew up in a palace, she still claimed to have romantic partners. Multiple, man and women. And still, showed no visible interest in Loki up until the kiss scene, which I suspect was more to shut him up and send him flying that anything.

Excuse me if I want Loki to have a love interest who is actually invested in him too.

And Why make her a Loki variant at all if she is adamant she isn’t Loki? Why go to the extent of dying her hair blonde (where in the apocalypse did she manage to get her hair blonde? WHY?) and then give her horns? If she was taken as a child, where did she get the very Asgardian like leather armor she used? WHERE IS THIS INFORMATION?

If they were going to go so far to alienate her from the identity of being a Loki variant just so they could pair her with Loki and it not be weird (it was), why make her a variant at all? If you’re going to make a selfcest pairing, at least commit to it. Sylvie Lushton, from where they got the name, isn’t a Loki Variant, if anything She’s an Amora Variant. Why name her Sylvie if she has no relation to Amora?

The plot has so many holes and is so disappointing. I was promising Loki playing around and causing havoc with time traveling. When I saw Richard E. Grant had been cast, I imagined the big bad would be King Loki, like in the comics! Something about Loki seeing what he becomes if he let darkness completely consume him, and finding balance in his chaos, after all. The premise of Loki healing though observing himself, or variants of himself, was honestly good. His variants, however, where so underused, poorly used, made Loki look like a fool. Even he was ashamed of their interactions. And Kid Loki apparently Killed Thor, which makes him the leader (???) and that’s never mentioned again. President Loki, who was a big part of the appeal of the trailer, is gone in two minutes. And then there’s the mirror scene from the trailer, that didn’t even make it to the series.

There are other things that bother me a lot about this too, but it’s not my place to discuss them in dept. To list, if anyone is interested in knowing: The underdevelopment of black character, and the reaction of the fandom, to my knowledge, to said black characters, in special Ravonna and Boastful Loki. The misrepresentation of gender fluid people, which if I can recall was one of the points they sold to us as something they would touch into Loki’s characterization. Some people have pointed out that it was biphobic to pair Loki with a woman after he “came out” on screen as bisexual. I am bisexual, and I disagree, but I can see why it’s an issue for a lot of people, as mlm relationships are rare in MCU canon. What I thought was Biphobic, however, was having Loki not show us he was bi, rather than telling us.

In summary, I am very disappointed, and I am mourning. This series managed to do what End Game didn’t, which was kill all hope I had to ever have Loki back. He’s gone.

[collisiondiscourse]

on the wonder duo (part 1)

(BNHA Analysis Post Ahead! This isn’t explicitly romantic, but it is an analysis of the relationship between the two most popular characters in BNHA--Katsuki Bakugou and Izuku Midoriya. Split into two posts because I realized that this was gonna be long as HELL)

yall ever think about the fact that the wonder duo is perfectly set up in so that bakugou and deku together are the better version of all might?

bc like. ive been thinking.

everyone knows the win to save and save to win parallel. How they are supposedly two halves of a whole perfect hero (which, previously, was defined as all might)

but ever since bakugou and deku started working as one—growing together to win AND save and continuously reminding each other that they shouldnt try to do things alone, ive realized that its BECAUSE theres two of them that they surpass all might. its not a case of deku and bakugou both being 50% of an ideal hero, but rather i think that they are 100% of what all might SHOULD HAVE BEEN from the very beginning.

as early as the AM v AFO battle in kamino, we see the effects of all mights flawed existence. the fact that he, the greatest and supposedly infallible symbol of peace, was destroyed—society had begun to collapse. there was suddenly no pillar to hold people together and the impacts were so severe that even in the latest chapters of mha it keeps on getting worse. the truth is, all mights biggest mistake was the burden he placed on his own shoulders

with bakugou and deku... its different.

its different for them because down to their attributions, they seem like two halves of a whole person.

i think that the wonder duo are going to surpass all might because of the fact that they work together.

@bakugoukatsuki-rising @svpercraigus @tybee​ @isaustraliaathing​

(batshit crazy and conspiratorial essay under the cut !)

1. Complementary Colors

I’d like to first preface literally everything I say by the fact that I am not an expert analyzer or literary major in any way. I am literally just some random fan on the internet who has wayyy too much time and looks wayyy too deep into things, but here we go!

A common thing we see when we talk about bakugou and deku is the way they are... sort of an inverse of one another.

Down to the design of their features and the way they move, Deku is the obviously softer of the two. There’s an intentional contrast between the two of them, in the way that Deku’s drawn with round shapes and curvy hair and the way Bakugou is literally all spikes and half-mast eyes and rough muscles. Bakugou’s movements too are languid and showy, with the way he leans when he walks and splays his legs and kicks open doors. Katsuki, in a casual sense, is loud and dramatic. 

Deku on the other hand s finicky. He jitters when he walks and he’s often fidgeting and mumbling. Comparatively, the aura he radiates is energetic and frenzied, even self-conscious to a point unlike Bakugou’s calm and confident movements.

the point is, there’s a clear difference in how either of them are designed and what exactly they are supposed to represent. They utterly complement each other down to the way they behave and even their main colors (red-orange and blue-green) being literal complementary colors.

Now, moving to my more ungrounded points, this is quite a bit of a stretch so I’ll try as much as possible to make sense of these with hyperlinked sources because. yeah.

Down to their names, I think Deku and Bakugou both symbolize something deeper. I think that the way Hori expresses characters and what they’re meant to do is something that we have to pay close attention to when we talk about the Wonder Duo’s rise to success.

Izuku Midoriya (緑谷 出久), as some of us may know, does have an interesting meaning when broken up. According to a lovely fan translation of his name, ‘Izuku’--while not an actual name used commonly in real life--means to ‘Come out’ or ‘Long time’. ‘Midoriya’ on the other hand means (Midori) ‘Green’ and (ya) ‘valley’. The translator further pointed out that his first name ‘Izuku’ could be a reference to him being the first legendary hero to come out of the long-running All Might Era. (or, if you’ve been reading @/bakugoukatsuki-rising’s posts, the first significant anime protag in a long while to come out as queer, ppfft)

but that isn’t my focus right now.

We know that Hori LOVES telling stories with names, and more often than not in the BNHA universe, names alone tell us a lot of things about the characters. When referring to Izuku’s last name, Midoriya, it’s important I think to step back and realize that hey, maybe there’s something more to Green Valley than just the fact that his motif is all green.

After searching for a lil on the specifics of green valley, I’ve found out that across many cultures, the colour green and valleys in general tend to represent life. From dream analysts, to Christianity, and even old Taoist teachings, valleys are seen as areas of fertility and escape. They are seen as safe havens and often escapes for people to come to after running away from bad circumstances.

(Sound familiar?)

Deku, in essence represents life and peace. He represents being the “salvation” that the world in BNHA needed. To me, it sounds like Horikoshi is trying to say that he is the long-awaited hero in the sense. The one that people can feel will create a society that feels safe for everyone after years of All Might just saving people from themselves as a band-aid solution.

On the other hand, we have Katsuki Bakugou (爆豪 勝己), who’s name we commonly know means (Katsuki) Winner and (Bakugou) Explosion Master. He is essentially, the champion. The power. His name means success and power and all the things that make up winning.

When putting them side by side, it then becomes increasingly... interesting to me how their names almost perfectly slot into All Might’s save to win and win to save mantra, and how they are both quintessential parts to what made All Might as a hero.

2. Hero Too!

Now, I’m not even gonna really TOUCH much of what happens in canon. If you want me to do a step by step breakdown of their arcs in regards to the plot of manga and anime, feel free to send me a gratuitous ko-fi tip so I can pay for the headache I get after trying to organize my thoughts into word vomit.

What I WILL talk about on the other hand, is the subtle shift both of them slowly have in regards to how they look. Bakugou and Deku, while growing up, seem to have MANY many parallels--but before I elaborate on all of that, I wanna talk about something else.

Detour: Deku’s Red Shoes 

We all know the iconic symbol being Deku’s red shoes. For all his life, save for some outfits like his hero one, we see Deku more often than not wearing his signature red sneakers which have become a running joke in fandom.

But the funny thing is, in Japan, red shoes seem to have an interesting connotation.

In 1922, a popular Japanese nursery rhyme was written, called “Red Shoes”. The interesting part to me about this song was the symbolism that, in my tiny pea-sized brain, I could connect to the story of BNHA.

The story goes that there was a little girl with red shoes named ‘Kimi’. She was from Shizuoka prefecture (which, if you didn’t know, is most likely where Musutafu supposedly is) and was raised by a single mother. When she was young, her mother had to entrust her with a foreigner under the impression that they would give her a better life in America. The stranger is a man named Charles Hewitt (who was described to have blue eyes) and supposedly took her away. 

The singer of the song (supposedly the mother, but some argue it was written from the perspective of a childhood friend) believes that Kimi is happy and living a better life away from them, when the reality of the situation was much worse. The young girl with red shoes in actuality had Tuberculosis, and thus the foreigner whom she was entrusted to had left her to fend for herself and eventually left her to go to America while she died alone and orphaned.

“When I see red shoes, I think of her.”

A very interesting story with very interesting implications indeed.

-

Anyway, moving on to the more... “nuanced” and connected parts of this section, I have every reason to believe that Bakugou and Deku were simply MEANT to be working together down to how they dress. Now, I’d like to discuss their hero costumes.

At the start of their series, using these godawful pics for reference, it’s clear to see that neither of them seem alike in any way--reflecting the dissonance in their relationship at that point in canon.

ough. deku why. (yes we know why its because you love your mom you stupid little bunny <3)

Anyway, we see an immediate gap in how the two of them are. Deku’s first costume is one that reflects how he treated his dream of being a hero. He was still in that childlike idolization phase, the one where his dreams and aspirations were hinged on pure feelings and inspiration from All Might. Katsuki on the other hand was a lot more tactical--professional to an extent. The gap between their respective development with their quirks is something that is clearly felt in every fashion decision they’d made.

(Notice how Deku’s green is a lot brighter and less like the green accents Katsuki has all over his costume.)

As time progressed however... their costumes changed. The colors, the silhouettes, the practical functions, most things.

(Deku’s Gamma Costume and Bakugou’s Winter Costume used respectively)

we begin to notice a few similarities.

As the show goes on and we see more evolutions of their costumes, it almost seems like they begin to look like a matching pair. Deku’s green grows darker and almost teal in nature, while Bakugou’s orange is veering towards red territory. This is important to note because red-orange and blue-green as I said earlier were complementary colors as compared to simply orange and green. The minute shift is something I really wasn’t quite sure was intentional, but something I find interesting to pick up nonetheless as the colors they used to accent their costumes begin to match up.

Secondly, I think and important thing to note is silhouettes. The way that both Bakugou and Deku’s costumes are designed follow a lot of parallels that typically we don’t see with the rest of 1-A. For one, they both have a combination of tight long-sleeved tops with a bulkier set of bottoms. They also share the use of utility belts and metal pieces typically worn around their necks. Deku has his bunny-eared hood that mimics All Might’s hair, while Bakugou has his orange and black explosion ear-pieces that mimic his own quirk.

i don’t think any other people in class 1-A match each other as subtly yet strongly as these two. Uraraka and Deku and Bakugou and Kirishima do come close however.

“But Codi, you fucking knob!” I hear you plea. “This is such a reach and tells us practically NOTHING!” And yes, I’m inclined to agree with you! You’d be sort of right in the idea that this is a reach. Maybe I am looking too much into this, and maybe it really isn’t that deep--but I do think that them subconsciously matching outfits means something quite brilliant.

In the way that their costumes are designed, each aspect of either outfits have a very logical explanation. The changes were strategic and made with their fighting styles vividly in mind, so what that tells me is that BECAUSE these costumes are so complementary or similar in nature (Bakugou’s reinforcing his arms while Deku reinforces his legs), these two are implicitly showing the audience that their combat styles are complementary as well. 

The evolution of their design choices and similarities tell us that even unknowingly, their minds line up in strategy on the battlefield--a clear exhibit for why they would be INCREDIBLY POWERFUL as a Hero Duo to begin with.

When I look at their hero costumes side by side, I see a mirror. I see the way that these two are reflections of each other and are strong where the other isn’t. The point I see in BNHA repeatedly is that EVERYONE HAS A WEAKNESS. Nothing is infallible, regardless of how hard you train or how powerful your quirk is. Everyone will always have a weakness, but the significant difference I see when fandom discusses the future of Pro-Hero Society is that the new generation is finally raising itself to be RELIANT on each other. 

Observing their fighting styles and the simple use of their quirks, its obvious that they are indeed two parts of a whole hero. Bakugou, who’s quirk emphasized his arms and hands and the power that comes from it, while Deku who’s quirk now emphasizes his legs and lower body and the way he’s always running to save people.

IN CONCLUSION:

As they become heroes, it is easy to assume that if nothing else, Bakugou and Deku will cover each other’s weak spots (especially when you consider the way Deku probably won’t be able to keep using his arms with the way both the anime and manga are going...) (also chapter 285, anyone?)

-

Part Two: Interactions, OfA

kofi || commission details

[weirdmarioenemies]

IT’S TIME TO TALK ABOUT BUGSNAX

Do you know about Bugsnax? You gotta know about Bugsnax! Everyone’s talkin’ ‘bout Bugsnax! The game that baffled viewers of the PS5 reveal, leading to many sarcastic jokes about it being “game of the year”, and leading so many to convince themselves and others that it MUST be secretly a horror game.

And that’s BOGUS! Even kind of rude, if you ask me. Isn’t it sad how so many simply cannot accept that something so unabashedly silly, so proudly whimsical, can exist without a twist? That the core concept, that the developers put so much passion into, isn’t seen as “enough”, and that it apparently must be a sort of cover-up? I sure think it is. It’s basically the new “were they on DRUGS when they made this”!

Of course, when I saw the reveal of Bugsnax, I knew the truth. That this was like a game tailor-made for me specifically. A creature-collecting game where EVERY single creature is not just food with googly eyes (which, by the way, puts EVERY Bugsnak on my Best Ever Characters List), but EVERY single one is based on some sort of invertebrate! Not a SINGLE collectable creature here that I dislike, or even not like that much!

And as we learned more, the passion only grew! Even the regular characters are funny creatures... there are mysteries to be uncovered... there’s a boatload of LGBT+ representation, even! There’s a non-binary character who’s just as prominent as everyone else, who everyone else effortlessly uses the correct pronouns for! 

At this point, I’ve not only become a quite prominent member of the Bugsnax fandom across the wiki and official Discord server, but I’ve now finally played Bugsnax, and it is my favorite piece of media ever. I am not exaggerating. Please, if you get the chance, play Bugsnax (by Young Horses Games, creators of Octodad, by the way!). I could go on for so long. But this is not a game review, it’s a creature review! And this is not just a Funky Friday. It’s Flavor Friday this week!

So I’m going to be talkin’ ‘bout a bunch of Bugsnax! Both some of the most major ones, as well as some of my top favorites. Each Snak’s name will be a link to a video of all their lovely voice clips! I will not be talking about any plot details, but some Bugsnax discussed will be ones not “officially” revealed at the time of the game’s release, so keep that in mind if it may concerns you!

STRABBY

We will start with Strabby, the first Bugsnak ever seen, as well as, without a doubt, the mascot! And I think it’s perfect for the role. It’s simple, it’s iconic, it’s cute, it’s silly, and I would probably say this about any Bugsnak if it were the mascot, but Strabby is the one with an official plush, so here we are!

Strabby is based on a ladybug, and maybe it doesn’t resemble one THAT much, but I still think it makes sense, as a red little “bug” with seeds resembling spots in a way, and being conventionally charismatic overall.

Also, say hello to Sprout! This baby Strabby in a ball is entrusted to the player to take on their adventure, and can be directed with a laser pointer to access small areas, and help catch other Bugsnax!

BUNGER

Strabby may be the mascot, but Bunger is, without a doubt, the breakout star! All Bugsnax are silly, but Bunger is absolutely goofy. This fast food rhino beetle runs around without a care in the world, saying “bungerbungerbunger”, and gleefully knocking any other creature it sees into next Tuesday. They also knock away any traps in their path, but their recklessness and love for ketchup is key to capturing them!

CINNASNAIL

Strabby and Bunger may be the only ones with dancing gifs (for now), but now we enter my FAVORITES! Starting with Cinnasnail, who is absolutely perfect in every way, and of course my number one favorite. A cinnamon roll snail is even a creature concept I’ve come up with and drawn myself over four years ago, and seeing Bugsnax have the same idea for my favorite creature was really magical! Of all the Bugsnax, Cinnasnail not only has my favorite “bug” basis, but maybe also my favorite snack basis. I do not eat cinnamon rolls very often at all, but they are so splendid. As a snail, it is of course rather easy to catch, but it tends to be JUST out of reach... you will need some way to retrieve the trap before it escapes!

FRYDER

Fryder may be cute like all the others, but it’s also really dang cool! I really love the visual of the ketchup cup being the main body, but also like a sort of obscuring hat. Fryder is based specifically on orb-weaving spiders, and unfortunately its ketchup webs did not make it into the final game, but it still behaves uniquely in that it lurks on cave ceilings until tempted with ketchup to come down!

DR SODIE

Dr Sodie is one of many Sodies throughout the game, all delightful and based on specific canned drinks, but Dr Sodie in particular is my favorite, thanks to its name, implying this Sodie has a medical license. At this point, you may be questioning how this is a snack at all, but Bugsnax are only KINDA bug and KINDA snack! This is 100% edible and 100% Bugsnak, baby! Sodie’s anatomy fascinated me even before I played the game, and hearing it SING made it for sure one of my top favorites! It is also one of the ones I was most confused on the bug basis for, until finding out that Sodies are shrimp! I think they have some of the most interesting behaviors, too. They swim happily around, but unlike most Bugsnax, they HATE sauce of all kind, and spray water to wash it all away! How inconvenient... or is it?

CRAPPLE

a CRAB! a CRABAPPLE! Delightful! It’s a bit hard to see here but yes, it does have eyestalks. Crapple is important to me on a personal level, you see. Every day, I eat an apple with peanut butter for breakfast. And Crapple’s favorite sauce is peanut butter! You can even cover Crapple itself with peanut butter! I can make peanut butter apple IN this game! As if it wasn’t perfect enough. Also wonderful is that Crapple is a curious creature and likes to pick things up and bring them back to its lair!

I really do have a lot to say about Bugsnax. But I think this is a good point to stop at for now, given the length of the post! There will be a part 2 in the future, and this one will probably be soon!

[writingonjorvik]

Can We Discuss Game Hiatuses?

I want to preface this enter post with the comment that I am absolutely not saying "Oh, if you're not enjoying SSO, you should just leave the community." That's a bad argument used against criticism that I do not promote. However, I am going to talk about how if you're not enjoying SSO, why you should take a pause from playing.

I'm going to generally credit @centeris2 on this topic, because while I'm not using direct quotes (because private convos aren't exactly the style I want to use for Can We Discuss), we had a long conversation about this topic and she made a lot of good points for this that I wanted to discuss. Some of these points are based on her opinions, a lot of out thoughts blurred together so it's hard to directly credit, and she gave me the ok to talk about it and use her thoughts.

In any case, let's start with the fact that it is perfectly normally to like something and still drop it for years at a time, or to not directly engage with it. For instance, I adore the Legend of Zelda franchise (were it not obvious from my recent to be rescheduled event), but I haven't personally picked up a LOZ game for a year-ish now when I replayed Minish Cap. That doesn't revoke my LOZ fan card, that's a perfectly normal thing to do. Most of you will have done this throughout your life, more and more recognizably as you get older.

This however can get blurred by fandom. It is very often that folks with hyperfixations on a thing, who may or may not engage with something more regularly than other media, will get involved in fandom and make a lot of content for that fandom. These people can produce loads of content on a piece of media and this can fuel a community, even if the rest of the community isn't actively engaging with that media. It also doesn't specifically mean that people with hyperfixations are constantly engaging with that media. Going back to that LOZ example, I wrote LOZ fanfic for years without actively playing more than one LOZ game maybe a year or two. Content can be queued, be entirely original outside of the media, and still last a long time and engage with the fandom at large.

The point is to say, even if you make content and enjoy a piece of media, you don't have to actually be playing/reading/listening/watching it constantly. In fact, normally modern fandom culture makes that pretty easy to do, though it can sometimes make us feel like we're still engaging directly with the media even if we're technically not. But it's good to take a step back and acknowledge that. A lot of younger fans in fandom have a hard time with this, which is why I'm taking the time to point it out. A lot of young fans will hyperengage in a fandom because they want to be involved in this fandom they love, only to burn themselves out and be turned away by their frustration. It's important then to acknowledge this scenario to encourage better, healthier involvement with fandom. Still, in this situation, you can easily bow out of a fandom if you need to take a break and then come back when something new happens in it, like a new release or update. This may feel like a fandom "dies" when a piece of media ends, but for active media, it's a normal and healthy thing to do.

SSO on the other hand does not encourage the ability for people to take a break, or at least it does it at the detriment of the player. Because of the weekly updates, players are constantly checking for the chance that there is something interesting coming out. This is somewhat addressed by the monthly roadmaps the team has been putting out, but that also just extends the period of time people are waiting for news and they're still staying in the release cycle for more clarification. For instance, we know Silverglade Village is getting an update at the end of the month, but knowing SSO's release cycle, are they going to tease some more of the changes? Are they going to reveal how wide the area of update is going to be? Will any NPCs get updates with it? This is still in the weekly cycle and it keeps players from building up actual suspense for updates if we know when content is coming out. It also takes away a lot of suspense when the content isn't main content, like new areas or story. While the suspense for the Fripp quests I would say were quite large, I wouldn't say that any of the other updates have shared the same attention. This is why most companies will release roadmaps for quarters or for a year.

And this isn't to say that SSE as a company shouldn't be releasing media content weekly, they should. That's good social media. But there are ways to engage with fans that don't drag out a reliance to engage weekly, things like community contests, highlighting fans, or promoting fanmade content. But when every update is super in the eyes of social media, fatigue and apathy are going to start to kill actual excitement unless it's something major.

I don't think it's a secret that I think the weekly updates aren't good for the game on the development side. I think it creates a pseudo-crunch culture on the developers so that they can't work on larger projects that players are asking for, like an engine overhaul (it took FFXIV two years to do theirs, when are the devs supposed to have time on SSO to switch now). But, I also don't think it's good for the players. Yes, there's something every week, but how are players actually engaging each week and how much time can we build up anticipation or get excited when each week that gets diffused by something that's not super exciting the majority of other weeks? Which doesn't mean that that content is bad, but it clearly builds frustration in the community to have "filler" content. When's the next story quests, when's the next map expansion, when's the next major mechanic being added, etc. We're constantly discussing the next big thing and then finding reasons to be excited in the meantime. This does not spark joy.

But in order to take a break, either you need to be on top of your Stable Care (likely to pull you back in), or just stop caring about your horses while you're away (unlikely considering the horse girl is strong in this community). The first requires Star Coins, which is arguably saying "You have to pay real money to take a break," and the second is actively punishing you mechanically for not being committed to playing. Neither of those allow the player to take healthy, normal breaks from the community to engage in other things. And that's an issue.

Yes, MMOs need regular engagement. Active servers and participation are a part of what makes them more marketable. But there are ways to do that without penalizing players. And I'm not suggesting that the care system needs to be entirely removed, but it does need to be entirely reworked so players can leave the game without coming back penalized. Things like the care system not affecting stats, but increasing your RNG for finding doubles of crafting items, or doubling your shilling rewards from dailies. WoW's inn system rewards players for taking breaks by double your exp gain longer depending on how long you were away. Others like Guild Wars 2 will give you log in rewards that build up to bigger prizes over time. There are ways to do this.

And I understand that a lot of folks like the current care system because it's realistic. But there has to be a line in game development where enjoyment in a game is prioritized over the realism of the game, not to mention the health of the player. Yes, the daily care system is more realistic, but if it is developing an obsessive habit of play to enjoy content that is, realistically, months to years down the line, that's not good for the player and should be changed so players can break from the game without coming back to punished controls. There are better systems that can still be realistic, things like crafting feed schedules to recover health boosts faster instead of having to see the vet, increasing how often the mood goes up so it doesn't take a whole week, changing it so when taking a horse for a ride the mood will increase every 10 or so minutes by engaging with a horse you like. Rewarding players for getting on and playing the game instead of making them dread missing when they should be coming back with excitement for the game.

All of that said, I want to encourage all of you to play more games where you can. I know there are system limitations, restricted budgets, and sometimes regional limits because of limited languages or just straight regionlocks. But in the same way reading makes you a better reader and writer, gaming makes you a better gamer (and developer/designer if you go that route). It helps you identify what you like in games and in the same way that reading other things makes coming back to your favorite all that much better, so does playing other games. I'm going to reblog this in a bit with some games I'd recommend with links to Steam and Epic and I'd encourage you all to do the same.

The takeaway I hope to give is that it's normal and healthy to take a break from games. You can still engage with media without directly engaging with it through fandom. SSE can do more to not penalize players for wanting to take a break, and should. And where you can, you should play more games and break for the health of your relationship with a piece of media you like.

[thatskepticalbitchcara]

General Intro Post

Hi I’m Cara. I’m a 20 something chaotic gay (general term, i don’t label myself) bitch who works in marketing/PR. you may know me from my friend cam’s podcast ( @whatiwillsay ). i post about a lot of different things on here but definitely a lot about taylor swift! some of my other interests are poetry, interior design, fashion, plant based cooking, astrology, cats, music, coffee, travel, film, writing, psychology, and art of all kinds. i dabble in guitar, photography, and drawing. i love discussing all kinds of topics and i’m open to most things. i’m a HUGE dianna agron stan who partially made this blog to talk about her, spread her beauty and elegance and sweetness for everyone to see since the gaylor fandom has historically made up all kinds of nasty stuff about her that is in NO way true.

general faq:

1. are you a gaylor? - yes and no. i got really into the gaylor theories in summer 2020 bc of the pandemic and i find an immense amount of queer/sapphic subtext in her music. i’m not married to the theories or ideas or whatever you want to call them. but i do find it super interesting to discuss.

2. why do you think taylor is gay/why are you forcing a sexuality on her/speculation is disgusting etc - you can’t force a sexuality on someone, let alone a straight person, who you do not even personally know. i don’t really “think” taylor is gay, i just think the speculation is fine and also fun. she has said and done many things on main to invite speculation and i *highly* doubt she cares (she profits off of it) based both on things she has said/done and stuff i’ve heard behind the scenes etc. she’s a filthy rich capitalist millionaire who partially is so successful bc of the marketing around her personal life and relationships. calling someone gay isn’t offensive. 🤷🏻‍♀️

3. do you ship swiftgron? - no, i do not. i don’t ship any real people, nor have i ever except a brief stint when i was 14. don’t ask 🙄 i just stan them both individually and i think it’s wild and hilarious that there are rumors they dated. so ofc i sometimes make jokes or reblog memes and i’m totally open to the discussion of course!! but i don’t ship them and i never have.

4. do you think dianna is gay? - i do not. i try to refrain from labeling anyone as straight who hasn’t publicly declared their heterosexuality, but i generally think she’s falls closer to the straight end of the spectrum. based on things she has said (like on multiple occasions), i am almost certain she has dabbled/experimented, but i don’t actually think she’s secretly gay. if ever she came out as something other than straight, i’d be pleasantly surprised. what a service to the wlw community 😌 but until then, i mean it when i say i don’t think she’s gay. i’m not just joking bc it’s my brand. and i’m OF COURSE more than open to discussing, speculating, etc.

5. why do you hate kaylor/kaylors? - i don’t hate all kaylors. but the answer is simple. they hate me, they hate dianna based on nothing that is rooted in reality, they are antisemitic, encourage conspiracy theorist thinking (which is a slippery slope), they are often homophobic and biphobic (yes, even the bi ones), they do not tend to have any respect for the people involved in their theories, they treat sexuality in a regressive manner, and a whole slew of other nasty and awful reasons.

6. why do you think it’s okay to gossip about celebs? - i simply do not care that much about rich, out of touch, white multimillionaires who profit off of gossip and will never see this blog. i’ve also written this post and discussed this on the pod with cam!

7. what is your sexuality? - i don’t like to label myself and don’t feel comfortable doing so but i love women.

8. do you think joe is really taylor’s boyfriend? - yes.

9. why didn’t you answer my DM? - it’s me, not you. i’m busy and also often overwhelmed by social interaction lmao. sometimes when i don’t have time to answer (or energy), i’ll still be online reblogging or answering asks but it requires different energy to do so. it’s not personal i swear. i do this with everyone irl too.

i may add or update this later but this is all i can think of for now. also hard rules:

1. please do not @ or mention celebs on social media when it comes to ANYTHING related to gossip, shipping, etc.

2. DO NOT be weird towards dianna please im begging. she has spoken about how she was impacted by people prying too much into her personal life and speculating on her sexuality. discuss it in private areas or discord or DMs or even on anon on here or whatever. just please don’t comment on her or her friends, coworkers, family’s, etc. social media and please don’t go digging for shit she doesn’t put out there for you to consume or anything that isn’t public info. i have heard secondhand that she hates it and was traumatized from glee and she more recently alluded to this in an interview too.

3. don’t come to me with any lesbophobia, homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, racism, antisemitism, etc. i won’t entertain it and i’m not here for inner community lgbtq discourse of any kind

4. have fun🥰

[danideservedbetter]

Alright so, here’s how things are gonna work.

First off, welcome to this side blog. Since it won’t be jolly fun fandom content and will be a little more personal I decided to separate my health and writing journey from my fandom stuff, although all my fandom content will still be linked on my main blog here.

(I write Izuocha/bnha content which isn’t super popular so if you’re not here for that then yeah, I don’t blame you. But if you are I have a link to our discord and community content pinned so def check it out if you’re interested.)

Secondly, you guys will hear details about stuff relating to my health like what kinds of things affect my disorder based on the tests some doctors are ordering, how I’m trying to improve my diet and activity, and routines and goals I’m attempting for myself. I am underweight, and that’s something I’m going to be talking a bit about, so if that’s triggering following this blog might not be the best thing for you. Details under the cut.

So, what kind of disorder do I have and why did I decide to make a health journey blog? My disorder is called idiopathic hypersomnia. Basically what that means is that when my disorder is acting up (based on factors like stress especially or my generalized anxiety rearing its ugly head) I have the capacity to sleep. And sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep. My longest recorded uninterrupted “sleep-attack” was 26 hours long and ever since I caught Covid in January, my body had been slowly growing weaker to the point I was starting to develop atrophy. I’ve had this ten years and my neurologist suspects inactive cells from mononucleosis I caught at 14 was the cause, because other IH patients have linked their sleeping problems to a case of mono or have had it at some point in their lives.

This disease stole many years and many things I’ve looked forward to from me. I lost friends and experiences and failed so many college classes I had to drop out.

I’ve decided I’m taking them back.

It’s not going to be easy. Just as it took ten years to convince myself that my tiredness was something I chose to give into, it took several extra years and many fights with my family to convince them that I had a real actual neurological disorder and that I need help sometimes. My parents and grandmother finally understand that I have to finish college and find a very special boss willing to work around my erratic progress on projects, but the outsiders they married are not as convinced. My grandmother’s husband kicked me out of their house because he wants to be the center of attention and doesn’t like that some days I’m so weak that I needed my grandmother’s help, and my father’s wife thinks I’m a lazy and ungrateful leech who “gets anxiety just being around” me. Both told my father I’ll never be happy so why even bother with me, but my dad is actually striving to understand his own recently-diagnosed PTSD so while we still butt heads he’s understanding that I have to take things day by day because every tiny circumstance affects my disorder.

Now, why did I decide to air all this out? Well, being open about my disorder and how it affects me has helped at least two people that I know of find out that the tiredness they experience isn’t the typical “American work force exhaustion” they were trained to believe is normal. So if I can help even one more, I’ll gladly talk about what this entails and how I deal with it day to day. Another reason is that I’m also one of those big advocates who believes talking candidly about mental health destigmatizes it and sharing ideas can help us grow as people and maybe make it a little easier to deal with.

So now that you know a little bit about me and my disorder, here are my big goals for the next three months provided my university takes pity on me and actually lets me go back.

First up: create routines to train my body to get used to living a full day fully awake. This includes waking up at the same time and going to sleep at the same time. It means getting dressed and going out and doing things, even little things— which I’ll get to in a sec.

Second: I write. I have a novel in limbo and I write fanfics. Writing is a big part of who I am and I’ve written one thing this year, which for a whole six-month stretch is upsetting and disappointing. Today is my reset. In the next 569 days I want to to finish the six stories I have in limbo (except the larger one) and finally reach my goal of posting 200k words in a single year. I wont be hard on myself if I can’t accomplish this because honestly finishing anything in the chaos of my life is going to be a miracle but. There ya go.

Third: go back to freakin college. I don’t care what it takes. Sit down with every official, every lawyer, and every professor it takes to get me back enrolled in classes in the fall.

Fourth: I have several smaller things I have to do, short term goals, stuff like that. I’m gonna create a to do list each day of small tasks I want to get done and while some of these things will be part of my daily routine I am throwing in like one or two things a day that just need to be done. My writing goal will change daily and I’ll keep y’all updated on that with every post I make.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Dani! That’s so much!! Well, a few months ago I remembered hey!! I basically have a computer in my hand, why make it hard on myself. So I downloaded certain apps to help me out. This isn’t me saying “hey go subscribe to these apps because I said so” it’s just that through a lot of trial and error I’ve come to find that these certain apps work for me and I’ve yet to come across one that has the functionality of everything I need.

Tiimo — so this is an app I found developed by people with autism for people with autism to help them develop good habits and routines. It has preset daily schedules (things like morning routines or nightly routines or work routines) and an internal alarm to let you know when to move on to the next task. I myself have extremely low-level aspergers (to the point where my doctor won’t give me an official diagnosis because I didn’t want people think that *it’s* the reason I have issues with school), so moving from task to task can be difficult sometimes and I also deal with getting distracted. This widget also appears on my home screen so I know what I have to do at a glance. You can program in weekly and daily tasks to fully customize your schedule, which is fantastic for someone like me who wants to for example rotate chores. This is hopefully going to help me get my body in the habit of adjusting to routines and transitioning from one task to another, as well as getting important things done responsibly.

Promptly Journals — I’ve been told for a while that journaling is helpful mentally to kind of recenter yourself, so a bit ago I downloaded several journal apps to add to my morning routine. Now some will prefer more creatively free journals, but I prefer this one that gives me small prompts I can do in a short amount of time that just allows me to get my thoughts down. I can even add pictures at the bottom that go with the theme! I’m scared I’ll run out of prompts eventually lol but until then this app works very well for my needs.

Stretchingexercise — Now idk if it’s from lack of sleep from my disorder, the position I sleep in when I do sleep, all the physical labor I’ve had to do in the past couple weeks, my medicine, or w h a t but I suffer from body aches like no one would believe. I know stretching is supposed to help with that, so I downloaded this app to help me do non-demanding physical activity that wakes me up in the mornings and helps relieve pain so I don’t keep having to take pain relievers. This one has different plans for things like muscle tension, back pain, warm ups— and it also gives you rudimentary weight updates (I’m underweight lololol so we’re looking to fix that) or plan updates. It’s worked really well for me so far and gives you animations and descriptions of the workouts (some taken from yoga) as well as timed breaks and a narrated guide. It’s been pretty helpful in temporary relief and if nothing else gets my blood flowing in the mornings.

Widgetsmith Step counter — in addition to the stretching thing one thing my doctor and I discussed that helps with the sedentary lifestyle is simply walking. I’ve needed so bad to relieve my stamina and reverse the atrophy, and walks have been stellar for that. Now I live in the New Orleans area so humidity and heat force me to go at the crack of Dawn, but honestly my weenie dachshund Charlie really enjoys our time out so he goes with me! The CDC recommends 10,000 steps a day which seems like a lot and it is if you don’t get out much. But this gives me an excuse to get dressed and do the hygienic thing and help Charlie be healthy too, as well as give me time for brainstorming because we walk in a truly beautiful area. I’m sure everyone installed widgetsmith with the last iOS update (Apple users anyway) and while at first the step counter was just interesting I’ve since come to rely on it! We do our 5000 in the morning, which of course is half, and I find that other things I do throughout the day typically drive the counter higher. Anything leftover can easily be accomplished by an evening walk in our neighborhood. Now the caveat is that I have to remote have my phone in my pocket because I don’t own a watch or anything fancy lol, but honestly I need to keep it on me anyway so that serves as a good reminder.

Todoist — this one is my FAVORITE. Ever since I’ve decided that I have trouble keeping track of things I need to do and small stuff I need to keep in mind and appointments, etc, I decided to find a list app. This is the one I found that absolutely helps me for everything from my list of room supplies I need to buy, to my reading list, to general tasks I have coming up I need to complete. And its widget functionality keeps it right on my Home Screen! More organized individuals can just use tiimo, but I’m definitely not one of those individuals so this app is sorely needed and appreciated.

And of course, I know building habits the first few weeks is HARD. So for days my body doesn’t respond to my alarms, I have a checklist of the key things I have to do to keep my life as functional as possible.

So that’s that on that. I’m going to try to keep writing updates and my daily goals in a post in the morning, and reblog what I accomplished in the evening. It’s gonna be tough. But I’m thinking if I can start small I’ll be able to build my stamina enough to return to college and be successful when I do. I hope that anyone watching this journey draws some kind of meaning or inspiration from it. And you guys can even follow along if y’all want! Especially for writers or people trying to get healthier. I can’t promise what works for me will work for you (and honestly I expect things to change especially if I get accepted into college again) but hey, I figure it’s worth a shot.

I hope you guys enjoy watching this journey, if nothing else I hope it’s entertaining. And maybe it’ll be successful. I do know that I’m just gonna try for it, and hope it works out.

First daily update to follow

Xoxo

Dani

[softer-ua]

in regards to what you pointed out a few posts ago, ngl one of my least favorite fandom things is when they make Kaminari the Har Har Stupid Joking ADHD Bi Playboy Who Is Never Serious Trope. like, he's very smart, 'worst in ___ area of a UA course' is very impressive and I don't remember if it even said that or just that he was studying with some other students, worried about his grades overall, calls himself stupid with implied insecurities about it, and didn't think he was very smart compared to the other people in the course. quirk overuse makes him loopy, incoherent, and think everything's funny. and yeah, he's a bit of a flirt and made a few perverted comments and actions that he clearly didn't think through that well. I'm pretty sure he's not ever stated to be bi in the manga because it was written by a coward, so I think people should think more about why they're associating and pairing together the idea of "hot flirty playboy who if legally able would sleep with everyone he meets" with emphasis or joke in the captions of whatever the content is on him being bi. I don't think this is inherently bad, even put together, but the execution feels kind of :/ and shallow. and I mainly just wish they'd pause to consider if there's any reason (subconscious or intentional) why one of those makes them think about the other, and at the very least lean back to see if they're blatantly making those traits centric around each other and tweak how they're showing them a little. Part of this is also because it's basically his fanon sexuality, but then they stick together "oh he's bi and everyone thinks that" and "he's made flirty or perverted comments and actions in canon at some point" and then mentally exaggerate and have this Canon Image of him as *waves hand at above* and I don't think that's happening consciously in most cases but. again. Cookiecutter Bi Party Playboy Who's Made a Date Offer to Everyone In The Building. not a flirty Person or a Playboy who is bi and flirts with more than one genders

I myself headcanon him as adhd and while the exact sexuality depends on my mood I think of/have him as bi in a lot of my content, but it's the same thing with why non adhd people see how he acts and label "adhd!" Especially about comprehension speed and derpy acting and intelligence and attention span jokes/tropes. Again, not bad in and of itself, but the specific parts of his behavior that make them think he's adhd, or that they start making jokes about or Ha Ha ADHD'ing, or that they think is why we project ADHD on him, (which they aren't necessarily wrong about, but like right in a really disrespectful look at how funny this is oh look squirrel way that's only funny when adhd people are doing it and it isn't all mocking like that) when they see other people calling him adhd, are the wrong ones, I think, and it shows in their characterization of him.

I'm not saying that any of those traits are bad in a character, but as a queer adhd girl with very high annual test scores and Gifted Kid Intelligence but extremely poor grades, focus, and brain damage (admittedly nothing like his, it was a longterm passive thing that mainly just made me have a Lot of Really Bad headaches, and closest thing it did to me was make me sluggish and emotional on bad days and also techincally have the potential kill my language bit if left untreated or the surgery messed up, which it didn't, and it won't be a problem again. but even after explaining that it wasn't cancer or any sort of tumor, and after seeing it do very little at all to affect my behavior outside of irritability and performance, because y'know, constant migraines, gone after the surgery but this was before that, Certain People I Was Vaguely Kind Of Acquaintances With started to treat my like I was a fragile glass thing going to to drop dead and revive myself speaking like a comic relief cartoon crazy person at any moment which was. patronizing.) I've since had surgery for, the way the fandom combines them into stereotypes and portrays them really just rubs me the wrong way- "Flirty Bi(tm) Playboy" "Har Har ADHD Can't Focus Or Get Things After They're Explained To Him, He's Still Confused And An Idiot" "Stupid Person With Brain Damage Who Can't Take Care Of Or Think For Themself And Acts Stupid And Funny For People To Laugh At" which tbh is super ableist even and especially when people irl do fit that description, and also reminds me of the Autistic Person Freaking Out And Being Dramatic sense of humor. And I know it's not helped by canon, because it done for comic relief and to limit his powers, but explored more I think it as a limitation could have been used way more interestingly than canon did and also call me biased but that quirk induced brain frying sounds at least as concerning as Izuku's quirk's backlash.

And it's a shame!! Because he's so much more interesting than that! Instead, the fandom gives me the Cookicutter Funny Bi ADHD Flirt Who's An Idiot and I am sad about it.

tbh it reminds me of what happened to percy jackson, esp with the ADHD Idiot Trope thing. which sucks because apparently it originated in the author making up stories around characters like his adhd and dyslexic kid inspired by Greek myths to tell him after running out of actual myths because it was his special interest and he wanted more. and then the series got kind of all over the place and the fandom processed that the adhd and dyslexic main character who does dumb things sometimes but is very combat smart and great at strategizing and leading gets bad grades and has trouble focusing and has, y'know, adhd, and made him the ADHD Idiot and erased his Gifted Kid girl friend's traits and ADHD and dyslexia into No Nonsense Calls Him an Idiot And Thinks He's Stupid And Has To Tell Him What To Do And Manage His Life For Him and honestly that just kind of sucks and it reminds me of what happened to fandom Kaminari. and now that I think of it people have jirou like that around him a lot too.

im fine with you answering this publicly if you want or have something to add but probably tag as ableism and maybe a biphobia mention content warning for people who don't have the energy to deal with thinking about those kinds of negative things rn because I kind of Went Off About It

I love this! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences 💚(and double thank you for tag suggestions)💚

I couldn’t agree more that a lot of fandom has messed up Kami’s character, which is why I’ve kinda been posting more about him cause he’s just stuck in my head.

I think a lot of fandoms have trouble with characters like this, people have a hard time with duality in characters and fast/fun posts are easier to make if you flatten a character down.

The did it to Kami, they did it to Percy, they did it to Ron Weasley, they do it to Thor, the list goes on. If being the Smart One ™️ isn’t your thing and you can be goofy than you get pigeonholed into the idiot trope.

I feel for Kami a lot(probably because I have adhd/brain damage too)

It sucks when you’re smart but it’s not the traditional, measurable kind of smart(even if by national comparison Kami technically is).

I got terrible grades growing up, and I pretty much got the absolute lowest gpa you can get and still graduate. But absolutely no one would have known if I didn’t tell them, because I’m not dumb.

(It’s okay if you are “dumb”, I love me a head empty just vibes friend. You’re 100% valid, stil worthy of joining discussions, and should be listened to and taken seriously. This just isn’t about that tho)

I joke sometimes that I’m clever and witty but not smart, because that’s exactly what it feels like.

I have lots of thoughts and ideas that I think I articulate pretty well, I am excellent at finding the humor in things and expressing it in a way that’s funny to others too, and there is almost zero problems I can’t find a work around. And the people in my life love it, and they love to use it.

But eventually everyone in my life finds out that I’m not smart. They see the way I have to pause to Google how to calculate a tip, that I don’t know the name of all 50 states or even where to find them on a map, or I legitimately just can not spell (if you ever see a post where it looks like I used a weird word choice it’s probably because I tried 4 times and autocorrect+Google couldn’t help me and voice to text wasn’t an option)

No one ever questions my intelligence until they find out about my adhd and/or catch me struggling with it. After the mask comes off it’s like they can’t even hear me anymore, nothing I say could be true or matter because I’m now just the goofy accident prone spacy girl. My family literally calls me Spacy

And ya know what sometimes I just let people think that because it’s easier, it’s easier than explaining that I’m dyslexic and that I didn’t have a single geography/history clas until 10th grade and shocker the capital of Iowa doesn’t come up much by then. And it’s easier for me to laugh off losing my keys again than dwell on the fact that sometimes it feels like I’m losing my marbles.

And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if after this post I get a lot more “fact checkers” and push back on anything else I post.(not talking about people who want to genuinely engage,y’all are always welcome, I’m talking those people who don’t wanna look it up themselves but no longer trust me to know what I’m talking about)

Kami is a sweet brilliant boy. He’s in a nationally high ranking school, he loves the weather channel, he’s careful about his quirk that could easily hurt his friends in combat, he has a very high emotional intelligence level, he wears dorky shirts with electricity puns on them, and he pays attention to his friends and remembers a lot of little things about them.

He wants to be a hero and he takes that seriously, and the series has tried time and time again to tell y’all that smiling and laughter are an important part of that. Kami excels at this part! So what if his history grades don’t rival the top of the class, the top 5 students would struggle hard to do what Kami does.

Iida can’t relax, Momos rather shy, Todo struggles with social cues, Midoriya is canonically not funny, and jfc where to even begin with Katsuki. I’m certain they’ll all grow up to be excellent heros in their own right, but none of them are going to bring the level of joy and camaraderie that Denki can. You can’t test that into someone.

Kami also just notices people differently and has any easy way of joining in with them, he doesn’t struggle approaching Katsuki or Shinso. Sure he doesn’t hit the the nail on the head the same way Deku does but he’s the only one who has the guts and skills to try. Also he’s not that kinda friend, he’s not looking to a save these guys but pal around with them

I think Kami 100% realizes what a special case and tough nut to crack Bakugo is, I don’t think he’s just careless or too dumb realize his life’s at stake or whatever.

I think he’s purposely testing Bakugos boundaries all while trying to not be a threat to Katsukis actual ego and calling Bakugo out when he needs it in a way that not to serious. Kami knows how to be just goofy enough that he’s approachable. He’s also keyed in that the way to Bakugo is through Deku, meanwhile everyone else is stuck believing the opposite.

Kami also realized how important music is to Jiro and saw an opportunity to let her display her skills and combin the two worlds she lives, and he wasn’t afraid to get some back lash from her for it.

Like Deku Kami isn’t afraid to be uncomfortable. You really can’t teach that level of social ease, you can teach the posture and feed people a couple of lines but it’ll never hit the same. Funny approachable people have spent a lifetime learning the craft, usually out of necessity.

It’s actually what gives me the biggest adhd vibes from him, because adhd is (speculated to be) a dopamine deficiency disorder. People with adhd are constantly trying to raise their dopamine levels, and that means looking for praise and reward and nothing makes the human brain light up faster than postative human connections.

Adhd children struggle a lot with connecting with peers and often find making people laugh a fast way into people’s circles and makes it more likely people will overlook being interrupted or spaced out on.

Also adhd people are pretty much forced by their own brain structures to be genuine in all they do, low dopamine levels make it very hard to do things you don’t enjoy because there no promise of dopamine from the activity and you don’t have enough to spare, plus impulsiveness makes it really hard to not show when you do or don’t enjoy something.

I agree that Kami is also painted as overly perverted at times, he’s a little flirty but in a fun casual way but it’s not the foundation of his personality and it’s really mellowed out over the course of the series.

And while I subscribe to the bi hc from his interactions with Jiro and Shinso, we should all be very mindful that we don’t lump these characteristics together. The are separate facets of his personality that are not dependent on each other in anyway.

Kami deserves all the respect and love, I can’t wait to see our electric king again 🖤⚡️🖤

[crossdressingdeath]

On the Lan Sect negativity:

1) The Lan Sect’s involvement was only at Discussion Conferences and the like - events they had to attend. No real choice, they had to go. But WWX mentions only the Jin Sect at Qiongqi path, and only the Jin and Jiang Sects at the siege.

WWX only mentions that WN might have hurt Lan Sect members when he went wild at his execution with WQ - and it should be noted that the Lan Sect let LWJ argue on behalf on the Wens. They had the power to stop him, but they didn’t. At the Nightless City, WWX seemed to attack everyone with no mercy or distinction between friend or foe. Of course they’re worried when LWJ disappears with him. But LXC specifically points out that he wanted to do it secretly, so it wasn’t a Lan Sect siding with the Jin Sect thing.

Yeah, there was the Second Siege... but the Jin Sect had “proof” that WWX had killed innocent people and had kidnapped Sect heirs and junior disciples. Not great proof, but ya know. And the Lan Sect was one of the first ones willing to listen to WWX.

2) We don’t know what went on with LWJ’s mother. We don’t know much about who she killed, why she killed them or anything. The fandom likes to paint her as this helpless victim but we don’t know if she was. We don’t even know if she was in love with her husband or not. You can speculate. You can headcanon. But you can’t know. It sucks, but it is what it is.

3) We see in the extras that it’s perfectly normal for Sect members to interact with someone of the opposite biological sex. WWX sees and talks to a female disciple, who was heading to feed the rabbits. And, actually, it seems that the separation only happened recently, as WWX’s parents met at CR. CSSR met JFM at CR. And it seems like a lot of the parents were there as well. It’s probably a tradition for Sect heirs to go. I wonder what could have happened with the past generation that could have caused the Lan Sect to decide “You know what, let’s seperate them”? That sounds like a great idea for a crack fic, honestly...

Anyway, the gossiping rule is only there to discourage the spread of misinformation. Considering that one of the main themes in the novel is the dangers of taking gossip at face value without looking into it, I don’t think that’s a rule we’re meant to find oppressive.

4) Where does it say that the “no talking to WWX” rule is written on the wall? I’ve only seen it in fics. And rereading the extra it was introduced in... hmm, not there... maybe translation differences? Or maybe it’s an exaggeration? Either way, this rule is clearly not taken seriously as WWX is allowed to teach the junior disciples. Without LWJ present even. This is shown in two seperate extras. So, unless we assume that the Lan Sect is too dumb to realize that WWX and the juniors all disappearing at the same time has a connection, we can assume that he’s probably allowed to teach them. And it’s very hard for a teacher to teach without communication with students.

5) Yeah, the Lan Sect has plenty of rules, but the rules are clearly dealt with differently depending on what they are, and the circumstances they are broken in. Like the rule against fighting - that is clearly fine to break if you’re fighting to defend someone or something. The rules against noise and running? Perfectly fine to break if there is an emergency and you need help instantly (or if you want to scold someone for doing something wrong). Someone being unconscious doesn’t violate the sleeping rules either.

It should also be mentioned that they’re even willing to let things slide not only based on serious (we never see WWX punished for running, or sleeping in, for example) but also on knowledge. They don’t punish him for those first four rules he breaks, they just make sure he can’t use not knowing them as an excuse to break more.

6) Yes, “Do not grieve is excess” sounds messed up on its own. But one, I don’t even remember if that’s a canon rule or a fanon rule (this is not as easy to double check as the rules in the extras), but I don’t remember it in any version I’ve seen. Two, there are certain parts of the grieving process that can actually be detrimental to one’s health if preformed for too long. The rule doesn’t put a time limit on grieving, it just says “excess”.

1) I believe it’s mentioned that they were present at the first siege, but it was the Jin and Jiang sects that were leading it and as I’ve mentioned before the fact that they felt the need to hide the bodies suggests to me that the Lans (and Nies) were far enough away from the actual Wen village that they never saw any of the remnants; it’s not like there wouldn’t be a large number of fierce corpses to keep them busy in the Burial Mounds. I think there may have been some Lan cultivators at the ambush? But that may be CQL-only (if it was a thing at all; I may be misremembering), and either way we never get any evidence to suggest their presence was sanctioned by the sect as a whole. And yeah, the Lans at the very least hid LWJ’s involvement from the rest of the sects; it may have just been an attempt to protect their own, but they were prepared to let a connection to WWX slide, at least. (Not to mention I don’t doubt that at least some of them suspected that A-Yuan was connected to WWX in some way, and no one said anything about that; I’ll be the first to admit that I can’t prove that, but it seems like a reasonable assumption.) And as you say, in the second siege they’re quick to stand down when given reason to believe that WWX isn’t an actual threat, not to mention how their sect leader actively sheltered him from the wrath of the sects not long before that point.

2) Yeah, that’s always the thing with the “the Lans locked up the Twin Jades’ mother and forced her to marry against her will” thing. It’s certainly a possibility, but it’s not a guarantee. The only source we get is getting the story second hand from people with a vested interest in making the whole affair look as bad as possible (to lower the risk of their current sect leader and heir doing something similar, which... fails). And if it did happen it doesn’t guarantee they’ll do it again in a very different situation; in fact we know they don’t, since WWX and LWJ’s marriage is accepted, if only grudgingly, and there’s no sign of them locking WWX up.

3) I imagine male and female disciples were always separated during classes, but it doesn’t follow that they’re separated all the time; clearly there are at least co-ed areas, if a female Lan disciple is going to visit the rabbits. Personally I’m thinking maybe the separation is at least stricter during the lessons to avoid distraction (hence why WWX never saw a female disciple as a kid but ran into one by accident while living in the Cloud Recesses) and it was probably a thing while the previous generation was there (CSSR is the exact sort of person to sneak into areas she’s not supposed to be in; I mean, she breaks into LQR’s room). But yeah, if nothing else there’s no reason to believe the male and female disciples don’t share information and a rule against sharing information that isn’t proven true (in a sect with rules against lying) which is generally rather negative towards the target doesn’t exactly seem unreasonable.

4) I think it’s in the ExR translation; is it not a thing in the original Chinese? But yeah, at worst the entire sect turns a blind eye to this rule being broken constantly, and more likely it was just quietly removed (if it was an official, policed rule to begin with, which is debatable). People seem to take that rule way more seriously than it’s ever taken in canon, honestly.

5) Yeah, the Lans are clearly prepared to make allowances in the rules for various reasons; there’s no reason to believe that mental health stuff wouldn’t be considered worthy of a similar allowance. Note that whenever we see a Lan faced with a clear mental health issue their response is to try to help; somewhat clumsily in LWJ’s case, but they do want to help, not shove the person back into some semblance of normalcy. That suggests to me that someone having genuine issues with following the rules would be treated more gently; note that LJY’s rule-breaking is treated mostly with mild exasperation and the usual punishment (which also grants Lan disciples a pretty useful skill, in this case; incredible arm strength is the Lan Thing, after all) and no one really seems to get fed up with him in any serious way.

6) Honestly, of all the sects I think that the Lans quite possibly have the healthiest grief-management stuff? I mean, we don’t see much of the Jins, but the Nies seem to go for “Channel everything into Rage and Fighting” and (while odds are it’s not indicative of the Jiangs as a whole, at least under JFM) every time we see grief in the Jiang sect it involves JC trying to murder WWX, which... is a whole thing. I’ve always taken “Do not grieve excessively” as “Do not let your grief consume you”, which is in fact a healthy way of looking at it; I don’t know if the Lans have grief counselling, but there is a point where grief just becomes incredibly unhealthy and saying “Hey, don’t do that” is at least... something. I do hope they offer some sort of assistance though, because just banning all-consuming grief and offering no help would be a whole mess. Still, if any sect is going to offer some form of counselling it’s going to be the one with the magic music for calming the mind!

[mariekavanagh]

I’ve seen you express this a couple of times and I’m honestly curious - how does Sirius’ character usually end up “butchered” in wolfstar fics, in your opinion? It’s not that I disagree, I’m just interested in hearing what you think. Bc the only thing I’ve personally noticed is that the abusive-Black-parents seems to be especially... gratuitous in ws fics somehow? (Also this is totally not coming from a person who enjoys ws as a pairing but is afraid to possibly butcher characters haha)

Perhaps “butchered” was too strong a term for me to use. Everyone is allowed to interpret a character how they prefer and it’s not for me to say that’s a bad thing. But honestly, one of the main reasons I struggle to enjoy wolfstar is because Sirius and Remus both often feel so out of character, which is a shame because I’m sure it’s perfectly possible to write this pairing more canon-compliant - if anything, I think it would make for a more interesting plot/relationship. 

I’d say my main issue is that so many wolfstar fics portray Sirius as this rather dumb, immature person who needs Remus to either nag him to do his homework or get him to help him/do it for him Hermione-style. This is just so not true to canon. In the Snape’s Worst Memory scene, we see Sirius casually commenting on how he doesn’t need to study. Which is pretty cocky. But also, not untrue. Sirius was clever. He successfully became an Animagus aged 15. It was commented that James and Sirius were both very clever people. And yet so often they’re portrayed as dumb or underachieving because of their mischievous side. In a similar sense, people tend to turn Remus into this Hermione-esque book smart person, I’m assuming simply because he came back as a teacher. It isn’t suggested in canon that he was actually particularly smart, and there’s even less evidence to suggest that he was the “smart one” of the group having to make sure James and Sirius kept up with their school work. I just feel like this is a situation I’ve only seen in the wolfstar fandom and it bugs me.

This ask has sat in my inbox for ages because I couldn’t work out how to properly answer it, and honestly I’m still not sure. All I can summarise it as, besides this one explained point, is that I just find Remus and Sirius often very out of character in these stories. I honestly struggle to explain precisely why. And truly, I’m not avidly against wolfstar as a pairing. It’s just that the most popular portrayals of the characters by this area of the fandom just aren’t what I find enjoyable, if that makes any sense whatsoever. 

If anyone would like to extend on the discussion below, please feel free. Perhaps someone else can offer an explanation which I can respond to with “YES, that’s exactly what I mean” xD 

[floralkittygambler]

RadioDust is the Healthiest Toxic Ship for Angel so far

@honesthazbinarchives​ Briefly. I’d like to go into this more in the future BUT these are the main points I said I’d do. Heh ‘stay tuned’ for why HuskerDust is toxic [haaaa funny fuckin reference n shit like Viv herself aint overdone it]. Yer dont even wanna know the lack of enthusiasm in tryna do a playful ‘cringetopia’ joke - wasnt as fun as anticipated. Anyfuckinways, the shit. Before we begin, disclaimers n whatnot, no hate intended, dni if you’re a bit of a knobhead [either stan or extreme anti], an all that nonsense. I dont own the characters no shit.  In this I’ll discuss how RadioDust aka SpiDEER (thats right, yer stuck w my shit humour now) is both the healthiest ship for Angel we’ve seen so far but still rather toxic. Idc if you hate me for it but dont fuckin waste yer time telling me. Great. I dont care. Yer fuckin hard n whatnot for harassin strangers online. Big dick energy to you. This will be slightly messy, my apologies, it’s a quick summary of many points.

Alright. Firstly, out of the entire male cast Angel interacts with over all platforms, Al is given a fair bit of mercy in terms of sexual advances. In fact, a swift ‘no’ and Angel doesn’t do it again - unlike most of the other cast [pent’s is covert, husks is overt]. One thing I like is that Angel himself admits to their chemistry (claiming that whilst he thinks Al’s a prick, he thinks Al dislikes him which saddens him as he’d at least like to be friends as he feels they have good chemistry - according to the VA via Hunicast’s 1yr anniversary), there’s no further efforts to jump on his dick but a clear curiosity/interest in what Al can do.  Lets go to the basics, both are of similar age [allegedly in their 30s, though Ive heard Al may be up to mid 40s] as well as created near the same-ISH time (as in, Viv’s oldest characters, at least for HH). Likewise, Viv admitted to knowing fuck all on either of their eras (and to make that public wasn’t really a wise choice BUUUT if you felt the need, it’s better worded with interest “Right now I’m working towards educating myself more on their time periods to improve their portrayals” <-- crucial if yer want that ‘realism’). Because of their real-world ages, Viv confesses they’re her favourites (even if you didnt know, she makes it pretty clear). It could be a nice ‘homage’ to their impact in her life but not too relevant otherwise. It could fulfil the need for self indulgence that she’s unhealthily leaking into the canon - which will ultimately make the series shit. No sugarcoating there.  As for their ages, a relationship can work whether the gap is large or small HOWEVER there are many ethics and conflicts to each. And being an adult into kids is always fucked up. With that being said, studies have shown that closer ages often work better due to the often similarities in mindset, maturity and life goals (older folks are more likely to want to settle, younger often have more ambitions), likewise there tends to be an unbalanced power-dynamic if the ages are too far, which can lead to various types of abuse. Dont get me wrong, being with someone much older (AS LONG AS NONE OF YALL ARE KIDS) very much CAN work - but rarely. There’s much more hardwork needed as well as being in the right mindset for both, otherwise it’s bad. More on that in HD. Long story short, both are closer in age meaning both are more ‘relatable’ to one another. There’s common grounds, even in the eras there’s some higher understanding of one another. Notice how Vaggie and Charlie are similar in age? (Even though Charlie is far older, her appearance and mentality for her race is on par with Vaggie’s, making it far more likely to work out positively) One of the most prominent out of all of this however is their actual interests. So listing; Both like action/chaos/having fun (often at the expense of others), both love cooking and can be food snobs in their own right, both have sadistic AND masochistic tendencies, Al likes performance and theatre whilst Angel loves *to* perform, on that last point Angel was very intrigued and enjoyed Al’s song number/performance naturally, both really enjoy pranks and both enjoy liquor (neither show an actual addiction, but rather an interest in social drinking - no dependencies on it). Again, close eras mean both have a higher probability of understanding the other and their lifestyles better. Both are high on appearance and love themselves, implying self confident mindset (healthy BUT the narcissism isnt) yet enough consideration for how they are viewed. On the parent system, one adores his mama whilst the other hates his pops.  Now Ive gone on about how they’re similar. But similarities ALONE is not enough. If it was, then fandom’s would be a lil more harmonious~ A HEALTHY relationship needs compatibility, POSITIVE conversation flow, common grounds, trust, openness and understanding. Even then, some people click and some just dont. It’s like how you can just hate someone for no reason. It just IS. Common grounds and similarity is scientifically proven to be attractive to someone - be it good or BAD. People are drawn to those like their parents in some way usually, likewise we look for people similar to ourselves (from our interests, to humour, beliefs, goals, etc). Science itself states that ‘opposites attract’ solemnly applies in the real world successfully. Though similiarity plays a large role, there has to be some differences too - that person is STILL an individual separate to yourself. Too similar and it’s boring. Too similar and you’ll do everything together without some ‘you’ time. Both Vaggie and Charlie have similar interests/hobbies in dance and music, yet still have enough differences to be identifiable when together. Vaggie is more grounded than Charlie. Charlie gives some optimism and fun to Vaggie. Remember, a partner does NOT complete you - that’s a toxic mindset when taken too seriously, You complete YOURSELF. Whether you have someone or not, you must feel complete in yourself as to not slip into toxic dependency on a lover - to become them, a shadow of them or feel like you’ve lost your identity without them. Sounds harsh but it’s true. Chaggie compliments each other without a dependency. You stand alone yet uplift one another. You don’t always agree but in the end you always have each other’s backs. Love is often butchered in a toxic light in the media.  So taking that into consideration, how does spideer work? Well, here’s some examples of good, bad and neutral: - Angel loves animals, Al fears/dislikes dogs. Perhaps Angel could assist him in overcoming this? - Al hates being touched, Angel dislikes being squeezed. Maybe this could help them reach an understanding... Or cause a rift? - Angel was the only one to break Al’s composure, either Angel is the *key* to delving further into Al’s more raw self... Or just another obVOXious pest? (yeah, I said it-) - Neither respect other’s boundaries, meaning both may fuel the other to be overly disrespectful in this area. Not good. - Angel is a sarky/sarcastic fuck, Al loves dry humour. Both seek amusement and chaos. In relationships one needs to see how conversation flows and in the hunicasts, both keep up some good as well as toxic banter. Both could roast the fuck out of an opponent however. - Al is acro/ace, Angel is hypersexual (appears like a sex addict - now I say this as his book has a crossed out ‘fun stuff’ with ‘work shit’ written on it. He’s always fixed on sex from his job to his humour), this could either aid Angel ease up on the sex stuff OR make him overly push it onto Al causing major rifts and discomfort (aces can have sex, ref to ace posts that real asexuals put to understand more but no one wants to be forced into sex is the point here). And we’ve already discussed their lack of respect for boundaries. The positive is that maybe this will make Angel understand how Val is rubbing off on his own behaviour towards men [again, more on that in the HD post]. - Both similar yet different in a way that does suit their compatibility chances but that doesnt mean they will click, it just improves the odds. - Both have similar enemies in Val and Vox, they’re on common terms. Likewise, Al is against the ‘sexual deviance’ of hell meaning he may be oddly supportive and protective of Angel in terms of Val. I dont even think his sadism will override this either. - Al dislikes modern tech, Angel seems to use it as his job requires it. A nice little menial difference. - Only ONE is an addict. Take it from an expert, you NEVER put two addicts together. They’re very vulnerable and prone to slipping deeper into their addictions as well as depending on each other too much that they essentially become very clingy, suffocating and toxic to each other. Seen it in action, it’s ugly.  - Both could have a lot of fun and calm moments with each other. - He isn’t immediately smitten with Al but immediately shows a natural interest in Al’s powers and performance, embracing it openly. Leads for a good friendship turned lovers plot. - In Viv’s patreon, she confirmed Angel loves confident guys [sounds exactly like Al] We need to think about where both are mentally. What benefits would a relationship give both? How would they be good and bad for each other? For Al, aside from his outdated views and being a fucking murderer and narcissist, he actually seems in a good mindspace for a relationship IF he opted to be in one. Angel however has a very immature mindset, likewise is in a phase of life where hes bed hopping. IF he were to be in a relationship, I’d say he needs a male equivalent of Cherri - someone with a similar mindset yet some differences, willing to have fun and in touch with their younger side, down to cuddle, open to share and receive love as well as not afraid to publicly be affectionate with him, someone who sees him as more than just for sex, someone fun, someone who’ll let him embrace his cutesy side publicly without shame - Cherri is younger so maybe someone who’s his age or slightly younger perhaps? I think Angel’s not retirement home ready to settle and needs someone on his level that can cuddle and chill as well as feels free and youthful enough to go wild with him. In one sense, he’s got a teen girl sorta mindset (dont put him with a teen though, it’s fuckin weird-). He needs someone positive and raw, someone to let him be himself as well as someone comfortable to be themselves around him. He has a habit of latching onto unobtainable men (in psychology, this is self sabotaging subconsciously): Travis the client, Val a pimp, Husk (emotionally unavailable and needs HEAVY self work - interestingly far more than Angel - plus he’s still onto his last relationship and an addict to gambling and alcohol), Pent who’s the enemy he was currently fighting (inappropriate timing), Alastor who’s not interested in another but his own needs [selfish, VERY bad for a relationship]. Subconsciously he’s self sabotaging on purpose. There’s many psychology books as well as sources online for this, if you’re interested. Either way, Angel is drawn to men either like his father [who dislike him, shun him, or are otherwise cold, abusive or just blatantly dislike or otherwise dont care about him] or anyone with money to fuel his drug addiction/’debt’ to Val. Going with any of these men isn’t a good idea.  Preferably, Angel needs someone who he doesnt immediately crush and obsess over. Someone who he doesnt sexually harass or assault. Someone he can build a connection with quickly that can bud into romance (think how Chaggie started as a friendship which clicked immediately). Maybe even someone he doesn’t expect to fall for but does so anyways. It would be more realistic as Viv wants as well as more healthy. That for once he isnt sex or money craved instantly, thus doesnt sexually harass/assault and is given a proper chance to develop and grow a friendship and love. Someone who isnt an addict.  Someone with an on-par mindset where they click. Someone open to love. For any chance of a good relationship, Angel needs to be with anyone BUT who we’ve already seen. There’s too much toxicity that’ll be swept under the rug and justified otherwise. Too much shit to fuel homophobes in terms of gay stereotypes. Even though Ive focused a fair bit on Angel, it’s NOT just about Angel. That’s something fans forget. Some he depends on or someone who depends on him in the long term wont last and will be very dangerous to both.  Just because you suffer, you dont then deserve to be rewarded with ‘something nice’. You dont get to have everything youve ever wanted. Giving him any of these blokes [minus Val] gives him a pass. Gives him what he wants. I get Viv loves him but life doesnt work that way. True lasting growth comes from learning that. Acceptance and growth. You dont get everything you want and sometimes thats a GOOD thing. He’s not a spoilt kid who gets everything he asks for, he’s YOUR creation. If you really wanted what your creations deserve then you need to research and be realistic with it. Because hes starting to feel like a shitty Gary-Stu at this rate. I live with an ‘Angel Dust’ like person. It used to feel like life gave her everything and most times it did. Everyone loved her and she could get away with murder if she wanted to. But now she’s had to struggle and grow, let go of some ‘wants’ because they werent good for her and she’s becoming better for it. She has a long way but she’s more humble for it now [still got self confidence but it’s less narcissism now, which is more healthy for her]. Also, they make the word anal lol

[opting-for-oblivion]

A Matter of Jurisdiction

A lovely anon asked if I had anything to add regarding one of my recent tags, the gist of which was “In DMC, do you realize how much trouble Governor Swann’s letter would have caused (for the EITC) if it made it to England? Because Beckett did and he was not taking any chances.”

Because I am terrible at being succinct and because I love talking about this, I’m going to expand more generally on what I said in my tags on the post in question and approach some other questions about Lord Beckett’s authority later posed by the op of the original post. [Links to the relevant posts can be found in the replies, as Tumblr hates links.]

I will, fairly, preface this by saying that skimming Beckett’s PotC fandom Wiki does answer all of the questions regarding the EITC’s actions, and, to put the TL;DR at the beginning, that answer is often just “Lord Beckett had royal authority (and enough money) to do whatever he wanted.”

Nonetheless, if you’re curious how I’d nerd out over analyze the situation, please read on!

[A further note: I am not a historian, nor am I an expert on the alternate universe in which PotC is set. If I am, at any point, wrong, please let me know.]

While the main focus of the original PotC trilogy is the conflict between pirates (representing freedom) and the British Crown (representing, among other things, constraint, control, and exploitation), there exists within the British “side” a kind of internal conflict and this is what we see at play between Cutler Beckett and Weatherby Swann.

If you understand Beckett to be a merchant of sorts and the East India Trading Company to be just what it says on the tin -- a trading company -- then it might seem entirely out of order that Beckett invades Port Royal, crashes the governor’s daughter’s wedding, and disrespects (indeed, arrests) Swann the way he does. However, so far as legality goes, Beckett doesn’t cross as many lines as one would think (or, perhaps, the lines are not quite so clear). This is because Lord Beckett has the same royal authority that Governor Swann does and because the EITC is no mere trading company.

The EITC is a deeply politically invested entity. The Company operates with a royal charter, which means that it was granted certain rights by the monarchy. Specifically, the EITC has extensive military and administrative capabilities built into it. (I’ve even seen it referred to as part trade organization, part nation state.) When operating in the Indian Ocean and other areas outside of the jurisdiction of the British Crown, as it was originally intended to, the Company acts as an arm of British imperial power. This becomes a problem when the EITC attempts to exert said power where British Crown authority is already established, such as in the British Caribbean.

Swann is, of course, the king’s governor of Port Royal; his authority derives directly from the Crown as well. In fact, Weatherby Swann is said to be close friends with the king. However, the fact that Swann has personal ties to the aristocracy and Beckett does not doesn’t make their powers as unequal as one might think. The structures that each is part of are just about parallel.

The situation is not: Crown → Aristocracy → Merchants

But rather: Crown → Aristocracy & → EITC

While Beckett has been granted the title of lord by DMC, there is still a difference between those born into such a status and those who were not. (It’s sort of a big deal, especially for Beckett. His family had been wealthy merchants, but none of them had ever held a title.)

Because the two men have fairly equal standing in terms of pure authority, their being at odds become a tricky matter of jurisdiction. In other words, who has the right to exercise his power where? This question vexes both Swann and Beckett, and they’re both keenly aware of it from the moment they come face to face. Neither can claim absolute authority outright, but both have unique cards they can play to shift the situation in their favor.

A few scenes in DMC highlight the chess game that Swann and Beckett are playing, though I’m afraid it was never a game that Beckett intended to play fairly.

In the opening of DMC, the EITC invades Port Royal as Beckett arrives to arrest Elizabeth Swann, William Turner, and James Norrington. Some key things to understand here:

The invasion is not solely to make the arrests, but rather to establish Port Royal as the EITC’s new base. Beckett clearly has that intention (and royal approval for it) before showing up. That said, was invading the place entirely necessary? No, but it is a shock tactic. 

Some of the first things said to Lord Beckett are, by Governor Swann, “Lord or not, you have no reason and no authority to arrest this man.” and, by Elizabeth, “We are under the jurisdiction of the king’s governor of Port Royal and you will tell us what we are charged with.” The Swanns are obviously under the impression that Beckett is out of line, but he isn’t.

Regarding the arrests themselves, all of the warrants are legally valid. Elizabeth, Turner, and Norrington did, as the warrants say, conspire “to set free a man convicted of crimes against the Crown and Empire and condemned to death.” Beckett’s decision to use the prisoners rather than simply execute them is, on the other hand, entirely his own abuse of power.

Another important scene, of course, is when Governor Swann attempts to save Elizabeth by having her sent to England.

Swann’s lines in this scene very clearly show his particular type of power: that based on personal, aristocratic ties. For example, “Our name still has some standing with the king.” Even the captain he makes arrangements with is “a friend” -- the only kind of person Swann can trust given Beckett’s new authority in Port Royal. 

When Swann tells Elizabeth, “Perhaps I can ensure a fair trial for Will.” we especially see where his power ends. His authority in Port Royal, and regarding those who are not his family, is now weak. His best hope there is to enforce existing standards (i.e. a fair trial). 

The entire premise of Swann’s decision here is that he knows that he can’t contest the warrants. However, there is a possibility that he can leverage his ties with the aristocracy to get his daughter off the hook. That personal power is only certain to work in England, out of the reach of Lord Beckett’s power in the Caribbean. Swann is very smart to use his personal ties this way though anyone would have to admit that it’s not exactly legal. 

A line that was cut from the film reinforces all of the above (which is likely why it was cut): “There are still men loyal to me here, and Beckett is still wary of my ties to the Crown.” Swann, due to his position as governor and personal connections with the British aristocracy, has power that -- while not necessarily a threat -- could conceivably challenge Beckett’s actions. Lord Beckett knows this, but there isn’t anything he can do about it at this point in the film. 

Now, considering that (earlier) Swann openly discusses helping Elizabeth escape in front of one of the EITC soldiers when he visits her in prison, it’s no surprise that Beckett suspects something is amiss and sends Mercer to investigate. 

The scene in which Mercer kills Swann’s hired captain and arrests the governor is, perhaps, the most high-stakes political moment in DMC. Mercer not only catches Swann breaking the law, but he intercepts Swann’s letter to the king. When confronted, Swann knows that his gamble has gone horribly wrong.

Swann is arrested on the same grounds that his daughter was, conspiring to free a convicted criminal, which effectively strips him of his authority and, worse, puts him at Beckett’s mercy. More than that, his letter to the king is Beckett’s first real proof that Swann is a threat on a larger playing field. Before intercepting the letter, Beckett only had suspicions to go off of, and any move against someone you’re not sure is an enemy could create an enemy. With the escape attempt and the letter, Beckett has both legal and personal grounds to arrest the governor and, later, blackmail him.

While we never discover the exact contents of the letter, it’s likely that Swann wrote more than a plea for his daughter’s pardon. Elizabeth is his main concern, but it would be unlike Swann -- a man with an admirable moral center -- to not mention the way he feels about the EITC and Beckett’s conduct in Port Royal. If such a letter did reach the king, there is no way that the king could ignore it outright. There would be repercussions of some kind, and a royal inquiry into the EITC’s dealings at the very least. It’s important to remember that, while the Crown pays little attention to the EITC so long as it’s making money, the Crown very much can tell the EITC what to do if it sees fit -- which is the last thing Beckett wants. That said, I’m not certain if Swann’s letter would have meaningfully shut down the EITC in the Caribbean, and it almost certainly wouldn’t have gotten Beckett arrested. In any case, Beckett avoids the whole problem by ensuring that Swann’s concerns -- whatever they are -- never reach ears that are able to do anything. 

In the following scene, in which Elizabeth steals the letters of marque, it’s interesting to note that Beckett’s line about how “loyalty is no longer the currency of the realm” is both ironic and bold. The only reason it’s even remotely true is because Beckett makes it true. He is more than aware of the power that loyalty can have, and he goes out of his way to keep that power from being a threat. Loyalty is still very much a currency of the realm, but it isn’t of much use if there are no transactions being made (i.e. Swann’s letter never reaches the king).

A final scene in DMC that is worthy of note is that in which Lord Beckett blackmails Governor Swann.

The scene opens with Beckett saying, “There’s something to knowing the exact shape of the world and one’s place in it, don’t you agree?” This is, obviously, a thinly veiled threat -- a reminder to take note of one’s place in the current situation.

Beckett effectively threatens Elizabeth, who is currently a criminal among criminals and being hunted as such, and uses Swann’s concern for his daughter to force the governor to work for the EITC. 

Even here, we explicitly see the jurisdiction matter playing out. When Swann asks what Beckett wants in exchange for Elizabeth’s safety, Beckett is more than clear: “Your authority as governor, your influence in London, and your loyalty to the East India Trading Company.” Beckett uses this opportunity to appropriate the governor’s power. While Beckett now technically has the highest authority in Port Royal, he nonetheless ensures that his only possible competitor is working for him, bolstering his power rather than being able to challenge it. Like we see in every case, Beckett will not kill someone that can be more useful to him alive. 

We can also revisit the conflict between Beckett and Swann in the terms Beckett uses: currency versus loyalty. Again, the irony is immaculate. While Beckett’s every move is made on the premise that currency is more valuable than loyalty, he himself values loyalty enough to buy it -- the very thing he says Swann “hoped never to sell.”

If you’ve reached the end of this post, dear reader, I commend you. That said, there are a few caveats to consider. Namely, much of Beckett’s PotC Wiki seems to imply that he had the king’s support and, no conniving required, would have been able to exercise authority over Governor Swann. In that case, things like Swann’s letter are less important (beyond the matter of Elizabeth’s safety, of course). I’m assuming that much of what “actually” happened rests on the details of the EITC’s expansion into the Caribbean -- which Disney handwaved in the films for the most part and only later expanded on (somewhat) in things like the novelizations, which I have not yet read.

[kathyrealmstales]

NEW SMP THEORY! (I cracked the plot!)

Hello! I came up with a new theory, but this time I did some real work and I didn't just throw out random ideas. Crazy, right?

But seriously, I think I have a good theory for today.

Disclaimers: to begin with, spoilers for Dream SMP and Kingdom Heart. (Strange to see that game in a warning for the SMP, huh? Well, we will get to that soon.)

Also, just remember this is roleplay, all the actors are friends. If I see you trash-talking the actors you're being blocked. I don’t like hate.

I also wish to thank my sister for her assistance. I don't know much about the Kingdom Heart fandom except with what the Wiki tells me by watching my sister play it, so my sister had to suffer while I tried to find connections in a block game roleplay. Thank you so much, my loving sister.

Under this line is the theory! Hope you enjoy it!

------------------------------------THE START--------------------------

If you are familiar with the tales of the SMP, then you might already know a common theory.

The theory is that the TOTSMP area, "The In-between," is based on Castle Oblivion from Kingdom Heart. It looks exactly like the interior of the castle in the game, as well as the idea of losing memories. It's a cool easter egg.

However, my theory doesn't stop there, because I began to see more connections, making me believe that maybe the latest plot of the SMP is following a bit of Kingdom Heart plot.

Let me try to break it down into evidence and explanations.

In the latest episode of TOTSMP, Karl travels to this new world, escaping the "In-between" and going to this place called “The Other Side.” A strange name, but what is even stranger is that I felt I had already seen the castle before, so of course I did some research.

For starters, I noticed the In-between warned Karl that if he left, he would lose all of his memories, kind of like in Kingdom Heart when Sora went to that sleep state, he lost his memories. I thought there had to be a connection to the Kingdom Heart and this new world Karl was in now since it seemed to be following a pattern.

I tried to do more research by using Wiki and looking up other castles in the game that it could be. I came up with a few ideas, but none of them stuck. It just made no sense, so I went to the only person I know who knows Kingdom Heart more than me, my sister.

My sister and I love playing these games together, but while I'm just trying to figure how the game works (because of my love for coding), my sister listens to the plot and knows way more than I. Sure, we haven't finished all the games, but she knows enough to help me. So we got on the phone to figure out how this new world was connected, and when I left that call, I saw the Dream SMP in a whole new light.

- The Other Side evidence

We have an idea of what the Other Side looks like but that’s it. My sister believes it resembles the Hollow Bastion, which is intriguing. She claims it is linked to Castle Oblivion, but what makes it more interesting is that she said this place is also usually where the Kingdom Heart stories end. This got my attention since Dream hinted that the story’s end might be approaching soon. (I hope it's not-)

I then thought we had a good idea for the theory, a rather small one about the TOTSMP but a good one. So still wanting to talk to her, I told her why I was asking for her ideas, and then I explained the Dream SMP plot to her. The more we talked about the plot, though, the more my sister and I noticed parallels between the stories.

-

Eggpire evidence

To begin, we discussed the Egg People. I jokingly said, "Oh, does Kingdom Heart have mind-controlled people?" She replied, "if you count the heartless." Which shocked me because it makes the Egg People’s ability to pick who is controlled or not make so much sense!

You see, the Heartless are people without a heart (Hearts are similar to people's souls in the game, which is strange. But oh well). The heartless follow the rules of the Darkness. I'm not sure whom or what controls the Darkness, but I do know they are subjected to some sort of mind control or animal instinct. The most important aspect to consider is how they multiply. They seek out characters from whom they can steal hearts of so they can turn back into normal people. However, they need their own heart, not just a random one, so this method is ineffective and just makes more heartless.

Because of this information, I came up with a theory that may be the reason why the egg only works on certain people. I think it is the same reason why only some turn heartless. People with weak souls are usually turned, while people with more light in their souls are typically more difficult to turn to a heartless, implying that while Puffy and Sam had weak souls at the time, they are becoming stronger, making it more difficult for "darkness" or the egg to mind control them.

Also, this would explain why Tommy can't be mind-controlled at all; he is mostly made of light, and everyone sees him as the hero. It would just make sense; it’s really hard to control him.

-

Pandora’s box evidence

There seems to be a correlation with the prison. This one is probably my favorite because it makes the most sense to me.

Most theories believe the prison is similar to Pandora's Box, owing to the prison's name. However, Kingdom Heart had its own Pandora's Box, and no, I'm not referring to the one in Hercules' world. I'm talking about the box that was told to never be opened.

I don't know everything about Kingdom Heart, therefore, I can't go into great detail about this box like I did with the Heartless theory, but basically, the main dude who started the plot of Kingdom Heart had a bunch of apprentices, and he left them with a box that they were never supposed to open. Of course, the bad guys got the box and opened it, only to discover that it contained some time-traveling stuff, which caused some of the apprentices and The Keyblade of all Keybladeds to appear.

If we take that information and put it in place with Dream SMP characters, it looks like where the plot might be going. Dream is the main bad guy who opens the box with whatever he has. What emerges is Wilbur Soot, a man from the past, he takes the place of the apprentices and Tommy is the Keyblade of Keyblades.

What makes me believe Tommy is the Keyblade? I mean, It could be someone else, but the thing is, Dream keeps referring to Tommy as "the Key," and in Kingdom Heart, Sora is also referred to as "the Key." It's also possible that it could be Ranboo, since the key is made of both darkness and light, and Ranboo appears to look as if he is both, but this is all just speculation at this point.

Either way, I think we as a fandom were on the right track, thinking evil black boxes, just not Pandora’s box.

-

Organizations evidence

This is only tangentially related, but Kingdom Heart did have their group of evil bad guys whom, based on what I saw in the cut scenes, didn’t care if you show up to meetings or not. (basing this off of all those empty chairs. Then again, those chairs were really high up, I would miss meetings too if I had to sit in those things.)

Another thing to note about this organization is that they disliked higher authority, but this one opposed them because they were all about good and needed the princess's light, whereas the anarchist syndicate in the SMP were more anti-government. Nonetheless, both are going after government officials.

(The organization also had code names that were their real names, but with an X in them and scrambled around. They weren't as cool as the Anarchists Syndicate’s nicknames, but there was a connection.)

-

Now we'll look at the improbable evidence, as well as thoughts that might not make much sense.

-

Bad guys with correlations

The antagonist in Kingdom Heart had a bunch of copies of himself, procured with the help of time travel. I find this amusing, especially given that we know there are multiple Dreams in canon, including Dream, DreamXD, Mexican Dream, Girl Dream, and (possibly) Drista. It's almost as if he's the main antagonist, especially when considering the-- Norted thing, (that's what my sister called it. I'm not sure about the name, so we'll go with Norted Thing for now) The point is, he can control some people if they are willing, but they can rebel if they have strong hearts (again, I believe this is the case). This reminds me of Ranboo and his enderwalking state in which he hears Dream’s voice in his head. Again, just a hunch.

-

The plot is the same

This is the last piece of evidence I have, and it is the main fact from which I derived all of the connections. After my sister and I discussed the possibility of it being linked, I jokingly said during our call, "There are so many connections between the latest plot of the SMP and Kingdom Heart, The only difference I feel like they have is that the Dream SMP is all about how there is no bad or good, just greyscale, while Kingdom Heart is about dark vs light."

My sister responded, "It's the same thing. Most people believe it is dark vs. light, but the more you play the games, the more you realize it isn't. The majority of the characters begin as good or bad and gradually reveal their true selves. Nobody in the story is completely light or dark."

This shocked me because I always thought Kingdom Heart was about bad versus good. So now we've matched the main ideas as well!

Ohhh boy!

-

This is all I have for now. If you have anything to add, please send it to me as a comment or a submission, or simply make your own post and let me know so I can see it! (I know as I wrote this I found more connections, but I’m saving them for later.)

But, in any case, I believe you can see the idea--Dream SMP has some connections to the Kingdom Heart plot, assuming my theory is correct. It wouldn't be the first time. Dream SMP has loosely copied the Broadway show, Hamilton during the L'manburg war, and I know the writers like Disney at least for right now, so it makes sense.

I'm also going to leave you with this: Our Fandoms are the same, We get information that makes no sense and we have no idea where it fits in the puzzles, and we know (sometimes) the writers don't know either, so we just have to accept and enjoy it.

THAT IS ALL! GOOD DAY!

[ink-and-flame]

Kinktober Day 1: Intensity Challenged

Kinktober Day 1 Prompts: Sexual deprivation (long term) ~ Orgasm control ~ Competitions (with other Subs) Fandom: Original Tags: Exophilia, Sexual deprivation, Orgasm control, sub competition, angst, hurt/comfort, F/F themes, dom/sub themes, bondage Pairing(s): Orc(m)/Human(f), Darnok/Lia, Human(f)/Human(f)

[Authors Note: Welcome back to another Kinktober. I hope to do better this year than last because I have a lot of stories mapped out, especially for these two. Originally I had not planned for the competition to go this way and was not intending a mixed scene with both m/f and f/f elements. Hopefully it doesn’t come across as too muddled and unfocused.]

Lia was going to get to see Darnok again soon and they had the opportunity to enjoy the V.I.P. access. Slipping the card into her wallet Lia sent a message to Darnok, checking to see if he received his own invite. She was worried that he hadn’t and worded the question in a way that made it seem like she had not received one. Lia was relieved when he had also received the invite and informed him of her own. Their plans were changed to be more casual since it would be best to explore the lounge and what their new access had to offer as opposed to doing a complex scene. 

The night arrived and Lia was both excited and a little worried. She wasn’t sure what would happen and decided not to bring anything extra with her. She dressed a bit nicer than she usually would when going to the club, not wanting to upset Darnok by picking out something inappropriate. The drive felt like it took longer, though rationally Lia knew that it took the same amount of time it always did. 

She walked up to the club and showed her new ID card to the bouncer who waived her through with a smile. She headed to the main area of the club to wait for Darnok, not wanting to enter the V.I.P. area without him. Sipping on a drink her eyes lit up when he arrived, holding out an arm to her and escorting her to the Lounge. The V.I.P. area was named Destiny’s Lounge, but most just called it the lounge as that was simpler.

“I hope you aren’t too disappointed about not doing a scene tonight. I know we haven’t really had a chance to have a good one in a while and I wanted to make sure that was ok with you.”

“It’s fine Darnok. I think this is a better plan. See what is offered, and that might help us plan our next scene. I can be patient, can you?”

Darnok laughed and headed to the lounge with Lia holding onto his arm. They were allowed in after showing their cards and walked into the small foyer that granted access to the full V.I.P. area. The lounge had a sign over the door, a soft glow coming from within. Quiet music could be heard as well. There was a bar off to the side, separate from the lounge with plenty of seating for an intimate crowd. There were other areas to explore, but that could come later. The lounge itself seemed like the best place to start. 

They had not been there long when they were approached by someone Lia did not recognize, though he seemed to know Danrnok as the two shook hands. The man was unusual looking. Sharp features, horns curling up from his head, eyes that seemed to glow. Lia noticed his hand had dark claws, she wasn’t sure if he looked demonic or draconic as his skin had a somewhat dusty grey hue.

“Well, are you going to introduce me, or are you going to be rude?” The tall horned man was looking at Lia.

“Right, of course, how dare I be rude. Lucien, this is my sub Lia.” Darnok glanced down at Lia to check on her. 

“Well, Lia, as Darnok said, I am Lucien and I am quite pleased to meet you.” Leaning down he grasped her free hand, kissing it softly. His eyes shifted color as he winked at her. “I hope my appearance doesn’t frighten you too much.” He stood up straight releasing her hand. 

“No Sir, I am not afraid.” Lia knew she had to be extra polite. She didn’t want to embarrass or upset Darnok.

“Oh I like her, my friend, do let me know if you plan to ever share.” He gave Darnok a look and then addressed them both. “Well I must be going. I have some things to tend to and the grape vine is singing. Morwenna is looking for you both.” With a slight bow Lucien left.

Darnok looked down at Lia. “Lucien is an old friend of mine. He has been trying to get me V.I.P. access for over a year now. His sway isn’t as strong as Morwenna’s and my schedule prevented me from being able to attend some key events. I am glad that the owners were willing to overlook the past when considering me.” Darnok led Lia over to a couch with a table she could set her drink on. 

There were no worries about drugged drinks as the lounge was heavily surveilled and had security on premises. Everyone knew the punishment for such behavior and it was unpleasant and possibly illegal if Lia thought too hard about it. She relaxed into the couch, leaning into Darnok and observing the people. There was a good mix of races, just like with the rest of the club. She saw other orcs, some elves, a couple of goblins, and plenty of humans. Though some of them might not be human at all. 

The comfortable silence did not last long as Morwenna came into view. She seated herself next to Darnok with a smile and waved over a server ordering herself a drink. She looked Lia over with a smile before turning to Darnok.

“I am glad to see that you were finally able to get access to the lounge. It will be so much more fun with all the new blood coming in. The gala saw more invites than usual as there were exceptional performances and behaviors by both dom and sub alike. The owners are not usually so generous, but I am glad for it. We always need new and interesting people.”

Darnok nodded. “I am just glad they are still picky and stuck to their original model. Not letting people buy their way in or otherwise force their way in. It keeps the undesirables out. Having to earn it, means you will respect the privilege more, at least it should anyway.”

“Yes, well, not everyone does and sometimes after they get comfortable they get cocky and I have seen a good number of access privileges revoked over the last year. Not sure why, maybe something in the water? Either way, now that you are here why don’t we discuss that wager I mentioned” When her drink arrived Morwenna took a delicate sip and continued. “I am eager to play with new blood. So how about a two part competition?”

Darnok raised a brow. “A competition? Of what sort?”

“Your sub verses one of mine. A test of endurance, patience, and control.” Morwenna was smiling behind her glass.

“I’m listening.”

“Good. Part one is sexual deprivation. The subs must go without sex and release for as long as possible. That includes masturbation, but no one will be disqualified for any nocturnal releases. During this time the sub must perform sexual acts for their dominant. We shouldn’t have to suffer, this isn’t testing our abilities but theirs.” 

Darnok looked thoughtful. He had a better chance to win since he wasn’t able to see Lia regularly, something Morwenna wasn’t aware of. It did prevent him from keeping an eye on her, but he trusted Lia. “Ok, that seems fair, what is the second part?”

“Ah, the second part is more fun. Orgasm control. After the deprivation, someone one will of course either lose part one or we call it a draw after hmm, three months? Is that too long, yes probably, 37 days, how is that. A little more than a month. So after 37 days if no one breaks, we move to part two. This will require them to control their orgasms. That part of the competition we will need a room for. We will tease and pleasure our subs and it is their responsibility to hold off as long as possible. Whomever’s sub orgasms first, loses.”

Glancing at Lia Darnok looked back at Morwenna. “I could be on board with this. What does the winner get?”

“Aren’t gloating rights enough?” Morwenna laughed lightly. “I jest. We both have the funds for a substantial prize. Loser buys the winner and their sub an all expense paid trip to an island getaway. It would be just in time for the worst parts of the season and I do like warmth.”

“You speak as though you are going to win.” Darnok did some mental calculations and knew he could easily afford it. Though it would be nice and he could frame it as a business trip when he won. 

“Oh Darnok, you know I always get what I want. I rarely, if ever, lose. Still, you do have some advantages. I know you, but not your sub. So I am going in a bit blind. I am still willing to take the chance. So, do we have a wager?” Morwenna held out her hand to Darnok.

Shaking her hand Darnok smiled. “You might want to go ahead and book those tickets now. Save yourself a little money.” 

“Oh I do so love it when you are cocky.” Standing up, drink in hand, Morwenna smiled at them both. “The competition starts tomorrow. I suggest you enjoy your evening while you can, I know I plan to.” 

Lia watched the woman walk away and felt a lump in her throat. They had not planned to have sex and now she was going to have to wait over a month to do a scene with him? Or was it more she would have to wait to be allowed to enjoy it? Looking at Darnok curiously, she decided it was best to let him lead on this. Maybe he knew something she didn’t.

“I know I should have asked you before agreeing, but this is a perfect opportunity for us. Not only would it give you a chance to prove yourself as a sub, but a nice trip to an island, a resort, maybe a private bungalow. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a dream to me.” Darnok stroked Lia’s cheek. “I know we can do this, our schedules will make this an easier competition for us, at least, the first part.”

 Those words hit deep, prove herself, that was something she wanted. She needed to prove to Darnok that she was perfect for him. If they won, a weekend together away from everything could change their entire relationship. It could potentially give Lia what she wanted, or at least put them on that path. There was the possibility of it going wrong, but she had to have faith that it wouldn’t.

“Ok, I am on board with this. I mean I am the sub so I know I don’t get a choice, but I also know you would give me an out if I really didn’t want to do it. How do we make this work though?”

“That will be the easy part. We already are not scheduled to see each other too much over the next month or so. For the scenes we do, I can help you work on your control. I suggest you also practice edging yourself just be careful. Sometimes you can trigger an orgasm without meaning to, and your body has always been quite responsive to my touch. This will take some practice on both our parts. I have to find ways to cool you down while I work you over, to help you keep from hitting that edge.” Darnok slipped an arm around Lia. “I have a hotel room, I wasn’t sure what tonight was going to be like. I suggest we leave now and make full use of it.”

She couldn’t help but laugh a bit and finished her drink. “Well, I can’t say no to that. No practicing, just driving each other crazy tonight ok?”

“That sounds like the most excellent of plans dearest Lia.”

Darnok’s stamina was put to the test as he and Lia chose to make the most of the evening, and into the early hours. Neither wanted to sleep, for different reasons, but the goal was the same. Close to check out time Lia was laying in the bed sore and completely exhausted. Though if she was honest she had been exhausted for hours. Maybe there was a thing as too much sex, but she refused to beleive it and just chalked it up to her body not being used to this sort of thing. 

“Well, I am pretty sure that will help keep me from wanting to have sex again for a while, and I am too sore to masturbate.” Lia admitted as Darnok walked back into the bedroom from the bathroom fully dressed. 

He was chuckling as he sat down and put on his shoes. “The shower is yours if you’d like, and I agree. I probably wont need sex again for a while, but I will contact you with instructions after a couple of days.”

Lia showered, dressed, and walked out with Darnok. She hugged him before getting into her car and heading home. There was a nap in her future, her very near future and she had to figure out just how she was going to deal with the next 37 days. Lia got the impression that this was going to be much harder for her than Darnok, but that was the point. She was the one trying to prove herself, not him.

The first week was easy, Lia had no desire to masturbate at all, and the idea of sex didn’t appeal to her. It took about that long for her to no longer be sore. Perhaps Darnok had been a little over zealous, but then that may have been the plan. If she was too sore and exhausted to orgasm, then they had this competition in the bag. Of course that didn’t last, but one week down was a pretty good start.

Even after the first week Lia was doing ok, she had gone longer without masturbating before, but now that she knew she couldn’t, the temptation was a lot stronger. It was during the second week that Darnok began instructing her on how she should edge herself. How to bring herself pleasure without release. He wanted to teach her to control her pleasure, to not get lost in it the way she sometimes did. He wasn’t worried about the first part of the competition, it was the second part he feared losing, and he expressed that concern to her more than once. 

Their first scene since the wager began was nothing like what Lia had experienced before. It was pure torture. Darnok drove her almost to the edge over, and over. Teasing different parts of her body. Showing her how to take pleasure, let it build, and then let it fade. He practiced a few techniques on her to try and calm her down while still bringing pleasure. There were a number of close calls that had him backing off and letting her cool down completely before he felt safe touching her again. 

He could see the frustration in her eyes, her desire for release, and knew to stop pushing. Instead he pleasured himself in front of her. Something he had never done, at least not all the way to completion. Seeing her covered in his seed only made him want her more. A temptation he struggled to resist. It would be too easy to fall victim to his own lust, and if he was inside of her, he would not stop, and he wasn’t sure Lia could resist at that point. As it stood he felt a little bad finding his own release when she could not. 

Carefully Darnok cleaned his sub, he praised her and comforted her. The aftercare was most important, not only to help her calm down, but to reinforce their bond. This was the only way to keep the experience from feeling unbalanced. Darnok had to let himself care for her, cherish her, treat her with love and reverence. Something he had been avoiding since things had become complicated in his life. 

The third week brought with it some relief. Lia’s hormones shifted and she simply had no desire to seek pleasure. She was still warm from the last session with Darnok. While the experience had brought her to tears, the aftercare had filled her heart even more than it had been before. He had never treated her so lovingly and if this was what it took to feel that, then she would gladly forego the pleasure of her body to have this with him. 

Once her hormones had cycled back up, resisting became much harder, especially since she had been practicing edging again. She was focusing on different forms of stimulation, the ones she knew would get her there quicker. She had to practice resisting that pleasure for as long as she could. Many days Lia found herself breaking out a toy multiple times, only to not let herself reach satisfaction. It was getting to the point where she did not want to keep going and just wanted release. 

Thankfully Darnok was there to soothe her frayed nerves with his deep calming voice. Their phone calls became more frequent as Lia needed the extra support to get through this and they needed to discuss their next session. This one would be harder than the last. Lia would have to resist even more because Darnok anticipated that simple teasing would not be enough and that Morwenna would expect him to penetrate her during the second part of the competition. This session was to help both of them resist becoming lost in the moment. 

When the session began, Lia was nervous, more so than the last time because she could see that Darnok was nervous as well. The time was almost up and Morwenna had not indicated that her sub had lost, that meant tonight could break them both if they got too caught up in everything. Something that was a very real possibility for them both. 

Darnok started slow, easing them both into the session. He treated it as a rehearsal for the real thing. Starting with simple touches, using his hands and mouth to push Lia to the edge of pleasure over and over, only backing off when he could sense her body tensing. When it was time for penetration Darnok talked Lia through it, explaining how he would move to keep from overwhelming them both. He held his body in a way that the pressure would not be on her clit, anything to give them an advantage. 

At first it was easy, he could go slow, roll his hips, they both enjoyed it but it wasn’t enough stimulation to get them to release any time soon. Gradually he sped up, his control slipping until his tusks were scratching her shoulder and he could feel himself on the edge. Pulling out quickly Darnok came on Lia, covering her slick folds, stomach, and breasts with his seed. He looked at her worried that she had reached completion as well as her body was shaking. 

“I… I am so close….” Her voice was small. “Darnok please…” 

The begging almost broke him, but he was so proud of her. He lost control, but she didn’t. His smile lit up his face as he shook his head. “Oh Lia, you have never made me prouder, please do not give in. We have come so far, you have done so well my dearest.”

Sucking in a breath Lia nodded. She focused her breathing and relaxed the tension in her body. The needy, pulsing, ache that filled her slowly faded in intensity. She was still filled with need, but she could handle it now. She wasn’t in danger of going over the edge unexpectedly. Darnok let her rest for a good while as he carefully cleaned her, not wanting to stimulate her too much and send her over the edge accidentally.

It was much harder to calm down this time and Darnok did his best to care for Lia, to bring her back to a more neutral place. He worried about overworking her body, taxing her mind, nothing was worth bringing her actual harm. He whispered words of praise and encouragement until he felt her relax in his arms. This session was shorter, he could not risk pushing for more, he did not trust himself to not give into her pleas. 

Lia’s frustration was turning to anger and she was glad the time was almost up for the first part of the wager. It was beginning to affect her day to day life. She was snapish, terse, and short with people more frequently now. Explaining it off as bad days was becoming harder and she had to be careful that she wasn’t risking her job. 

As the 37th day arrived and passed Lia was curious when she did not hear from Darnok. She had managed to survive the first part of this challenging wager, it was the second part she feared. Being this keyed up for so long meant that she could lose control more easily. Lia was ready to be done if she was honest and wanted nothing more than to go back to exploring this aspect of her life with Darnok, without all the restrictions. Maybe they could revisit this again, but on their own terms. 37 days did not sound like a lot until she had to experience it, and it was just too long. 

When Darnok finally called Lia was relieved. It seemed to have been a draw. Something that didn’t really come as a surprise. While Lia did not know Morwenna or her sub, she knew how to recognize a competitive streak when she saw one and the domme was competitive. Darnok scheduled their next play session for the weekend. They would be utilizing one of the larger rooms as all four of them would have a play session together. Lia wondered how much cross over there would be, or if they were just sharing space. 

The night finally came and Lia dressed comfortably. She packed a spare set of clothes and some other essentials. She was going to be spending the night at the hotel with Darnok afterwards. Lia had the feeling she was barely going to be able to move and that the after care would take the rest of the night. 

Heading into the club she saw Darnok waiting for her close to the entrance. He guided Lia towards the back rooms as they were the only ones open and big enough for all four of them to have enough space to enjoy themselves. Morwenna was already there when Lia and Darnok arrived. Her sub was naked, blindfolded, and bound to one of the small beds. 

“I wanted to save a little time and get my sub prepared. She has been, a little difficult to handle these last few days. I am sure we could have timed this better, but I did not let her cum, even after the 37 days were up. I wanted her prepared for this and eager.”

“Lia has been a dutiful sub and has not orgasmed either. Even though I never said she couldn’t, she chose to continue the deprivation of her own volition. I could not be more proud of her, or more eager for this wager to be complete. I miss scening fully with my sub and while this has been excellent practice and has given me some interesting insight, my pleasure comes from the pleasure of my partners. This was no easy task for either of us.”

“Shall we begin?” Morwenna asked her hand sliding slowly along her subs body, teasing the bound woman's nipple gently.

“Give us just a moment to get ready.” Darnok helped Lia onto the other bed, stripping her of her clothing. He would not use bonds to hold her, he needed to be able to read every movement of her body. Stripping down to his pants, he nodded. “We may begin.”

Darnok’s focus was on Lia, he could not allow what was happening next to them to become a distraction. He started slow, his hands roaming over Lia’s body, massaging her muscles, her breasts, hips, and thighs. He carefully avoided her hot spots, wanting to warm her up slowly, get her used to his touch, let her sink slowly into the sensations. When she was relaxed enough he began to tease her, attaching the little bell nipple clamps to her now pert nipples. Smiling as they made light sounds with her subtle movements. “So beautiful my little Lia.”

Lia was torn between focusing on Darnok and being distracted by the scene happening next to them. Morwenna had a similar approach, starting slow, but she was teasing her sub more with her mouth than her hands. Lia became curious about how different it might feel, having a soft feminine touch as opposed to Darnok’s firm and more masculine one. She loved the way Dar made her feel, but that didn’t mean she could not be curious about the touch of others. 

When his lips kissed over her inner thigh Lia refocused on Dar. This was a competition and she needed to remain relaxed and concentrate on controlling her pleasure. Even though the sound of the other sub’s moans tickled at her ears, Lia had to stay focused on her own pleasure. Making sure it didn’t overwhelm her or catch her by surprise. When his thick tongue pushed into her, she arched with a cry. It felt incredible, not enough to bring her to release, but enough to make her want more. He hands went to his head holding him in place. She knew that this would push her to the edge faster, but she had been practicing with tug signals.

Lia hoped that Darnok remembered and would ease up when she felt herself spiraling. His finger pushing into her was almost too much and she tugged his hair a bit sharply, it was a little too soon for penetration and she needed to calm down. Especially since it seemed the other sub could handle quite a bit. Morwenna was copying Dar, her face between the other woman’s thighs. If the sound was anything to go on, the efforts were quite enthusiastic indeed. Hearing the other sub moaning, seeing her arch and writhe, the way Morwenna delicately sucked and lapped at what little Lia could see. It only aroused her more. Now she understood why the sub was blindfolded. Yes, it increased her senses, but it prevented her from being aroused by the sight of what was happening in the room. 

Gasping Lia arched harder against Darnok, tugging tightly at his hair. She had almost lost focus and cum right then, it wasn’t going to happen so fast. She did not get this far for it to happen this fast. Panting and whimpering she tried to calm herself down but it wasn’t working. Thankfully Darnok stopped and stood up looking down at her. She could see the bulge in his pants, the dampness on his slacks, he was intensely aroused. 

“Oh Lia, I have missed your taste, your body, taking you the way I want to. I must have you.” He stripped the rest of his clothing, climbing onto the bed with her. He wanted it to seem like he had less control than what he actually felt, but the truth was, his control was already being tested. The cries of both women were getting to him and he knew that the sights were arousing Lia. 

Hovering over her, he slid himself against her, not penetrating, taking his time, letting her cool down some, but still teasing her. “I cannot wait to be inside you, to feel you hot and tight around me.” His voice was a deep gravelly growl.

Lia noticed the other subs cries getting louder when he spoke. Perhaps the blindfold helped with the sights, but not the sounds, so maybe she wasn’t at as much of a disadvantage as she thought. Then again, Darnok’s voice affected her too, so it wasn’t without issue. If he spoke more she might lose control, his voice always did something to her she couldn’t quite explain.

Turning her head she saw Morwenna pulling on a complicated harness. It looked like she was using a strap on, but there were modifications that allowed her to be stimulated, at least it looked like there was a part that went inside once it was buckled on. This excited Lia, having never really seen this kind of thing up close. Her eyes were locked on the Domme, and how she moved over her sub. Untying the bonds holding her down and giving her more freedom of movement. Lia was entranced by the sight of their intimacy. The way their bodies moved together, their breasts pressing into each others. It was beautiful.

“Please, Dar, I need you inside me.” She whispered, knowing that he would hear her, but that it would be hard for anyone else too. As an orc his hearing was far better than a humans and it allowed her to speak to him in low tones when she didn’t want to be overheard. All she received in response was a low, deep growl, and the sensation of his thick cock pushing into her. She hiked her legs over his hips, pulling him into her faster. Her control was slipping and they were at risk of losing. 

Maybe making it this far was enough. Lia wanted this, she wanted to cum, and she could not look away from the women next to them. Her face was forcibly turned by Darnok, who gave her an amused look and leaned in nipping her neck. Lia knew he was trying to keep her present, keep her from slipping and going over the edge too quickly. The nip helped ground her a bit, but also riled her. The feeling of him thick and hot inside of her was almost too much to take and she couldn’t resist another look at the couple next to them. 

Morwenna was clearly skilled if the noises her sub was making was anything to go on. The way her hips moved enticed Lia and she found herself spiralling towards that edge faster and faster. Lia simply could not look away, finding the women beautiful in ways she hadn't really thought of too much before. She had always had an open mind, but this was something different entirely. 

Turning to Darnok, it was his eyes that captured Lia. He had been watching her, watching them, but also glancing at them and it was taking its toll. She could see his control slipping, that slightly feral glazed look in his eye that he got when things were about to get rough and more of his orcish nature would come out. His hips moved faster as he thrust deeper and harder into Lia, filling her body in ways no other man ever had, or ever could. Her pleasure spiralled higher and higher, her body tense, the wager forgotten. She no longer cared. She needed release, craved it, and would no longer be denied. 

A sharp cry filled the air as pleasure had culminated in a powerful release of sheer orgasmic bliss, the other sub had broken first. Lia’s cries quickly followed not seconds after as her own orgasm overtook her. The pleasure she felt was so intense it bordered on pain, it almost wasn’t enjoyable it was so intense. Never before had her body reacted this way, the most powerful orgasm she had ever had, a gush of cum squirting out of her and soaking herself, Darnok, and the bed beneath them. Lia was shaking, tense, her body bowed as she rode out the blinding pleasure that tore through her. 

It took several moments for her to begin to relax, a foot had cramped because her toes curled so hard. Lia was not sure she ever wanted to hold off from orgasming that long again. The experience was simply too intense for her. She was panting, her vision blurry with little dots floating around when she blinked. It was a while before she came back to herself, seeing the worried look on Darnoks face. He had been speaking, she had not responded, she had not even realized he was talking.

“Lia, are you ok?” His tone was worried as she had not responded.

“Do I need to call the medic.” Morwenna’s voice sounded far away. 

“I am not sure. Lia, Lia sweetie you need to respond.”

“ok” Lia croaked.

Darnok breathed a sigh of relief as he slowly pulled out, a gush of fluid following the action. Slowly he stroked his hands over her body. “Tell me what you need.”

“Foot cramp” Lia whimpered as she began to come back to herself. 

She smiled weakly as Darnok moved off of her and started massaging her foot and calf, switching to the other leg once she had relaxed. He was talking quietly with Morwenna, both of them clearly worried about her. She raised a hand and waved it at them a bit.

“M’fine.. Think i saw god… or the devil, not sure”

Morwenna laughed heartily. It was the most warm sound Lia had ever heard the woman make. It was so genuine and somewhat contagious. Lia turned and looked at her. Disheveled, soaked in sweat, her hair a mess, clearly she had reached completion with her sub. For the first time, she actually looked human to Lia, and that only  made her more curious about the intense and aloof woman. 

“I like her, I really do Darnok. Are you sure you wont share?” Morwenna was tending her own sub now that it was clear Lia did not need medical intervention. She had removed the girls blindfold and was holding a water bottle for the sub to sip from. “Slowly dear. I will get you a blanket in a moment, you need fluids first.”

The aftercare was soft, gently, the subs being pampered by their doms with the utmost care. Both couples ended up on the couch. Lia wrapped in a blanket curled on Darnoks lap, and Morwanna’s sub was burritoed and draped across her Domme’s lap, hair being stroked softly.

“You won, but barely. I suppose a deal is a deal. Let me know the dates and I will get the tickets as agreed. I do hope we can do this again sometime. Well, maybe not this exactly, but it would be nice to play again. Maybe with a little more interaction?”

“We will see, I would enjoy that, but I have a few scenes planned out that I would like to get through first. I will need to check my calendars and get back to you on the rest. I am honestly surprised we won. I could feel Lia losing control beneath me and I hit a point where I no longer cared about winning.”

“I think we both hit that point. I got caught up in the moment just as much as you did. We all did, and I think that is what made this so much fun.”

Lia did not remember falling asleep or how she managed to get to the hotel. She woke up in Darnok’s arms, resting against his chest. He was deep asleep and she just watched him for a while. Wondering what tomorrow would bring.