#I think that's everything? man orientation and gender are hard to figure out and it takes forever

[nerdygaymormon]

Hey, I'm a member of the church and enby. It's been rough ever since I came out. I'm still a teen, but all the talk about being sealed in the temple and God only creating men and women has really been hard. Do you have any advice?

First I'm going to address the idea that God only created men & women and then I'll follow that with some advice.

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The Bible states that “God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he them; male and female created he them.” (Gen 1:27)

God creates a person and calls it adam, which is Hebrew for “human” or “mankind.” Adam isn’t even necessarily male. 

That the first person created in this story is a ‘human’ or ‘mankind’ is a big clue that this story is allegorical and meant to represent all of us. Adam and Eve are there to teach us lessons about the purposes of life.

One way to think of “male and female” is that these are the two options, God made the male and God made the female and that’s it. However, another way to look at this is one end of a spectrum and the other end of a spectrum, and everything in between, like when we use the first & last letter of the alphabet to mean everything, A to Z, or Alpha & Omega.

Biologists say that the idea of 2 sexes is overly simplistic, that actually it is a spectrum. Whether you’re looking at X & Y chromosomes, at genes, at hormones, at internal or external reproductive organs, or secondary sex characteristics, the reality is not as simple as either M or F.  

Even the other parts of the creation which are presented as a binary are actually bimodal, meaning most incidences are concentrated around two ends of the spectrum but they aren’t the only option. For example, God made day & night, but there’s also sunrises and sunsets. God separated the sky from the water, but the sky has clouds which hold water. Separating the water from the dry land still includes marshes, bogs, & swamps where the water & land are mixed. 

The binaries presented in the creation story are not binaries but spectrums, and are pleasing unto God. Why would we not expand that lesson to include other parts of creation, including people, especially since that fits what we find is the reality? Gender is a spectrum, sexual orientation is a spectrum.

These thoughts are from a post I made, click here to read the rest of the post.

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You are not alone, you are not the only one who faces this situation. Thank heavens we have the internet and ability to connect with others. It’s good to find friends who are nonbinary and Mormon because they’ll get you in a way that most others won’t. I’ve found interacting with other queer people really helps me feel better and normal about my own concerns and feelings.

You have claim to two great histories and legacies–LDS & LGBT+. Both the queer community and LDS church, in different ways, teach me about being kind and accepting others.

This church teaches that we’re each entitled to pray and seek revelation and confirmation. You can pray to ask if God loves you, all of you. You can seek confirmation for decisions on your path. Your Heavenly Parents love you as you are and for who you are. You are precious to them. Jesus loves you and offers the blessings of the gospel to you. His ministry elevates those who are on the margins.

We are that we might have joy! That is a beautiful teaching. Find joy. Take steps towards it.

Go slowly, or rather, I mean, at your own pace. You don’t have to run faster than you want as you’re figuring things out. In fact, I hope you can think of this as an opportunity for deeper happiness and more joy and meaning in your life. People who fit the binary have handed to them in what ways they should seek meaning & happiness, but you get to explore and learn much of this on your own.

Mormons have a lot of expectations regarding dress and appearance, but it’s okay to do things your own way. Want a short haircut, fine. Want to dye your hair blue, terrific. Want to wear pants, okay. Want to wear colorful shirts, do it. Want to wear bow ties & suspenders, perfect. Clothes are an example that much of gender is a social construct, clothes are not inherently gendered. If you don't fit the gender norms don't feel obligated to stick to the gender constructs.

I suspect 2nd hour is most troubling as it’s when Mormons segregate by gender. It’s okay to skip and spend time on the couch or take a walk around the building. If Sunday School is about a topic that is causing you stress, I don’t think forcing yourself to sit there uncomfortable is going to yield a lot of benefit. Don’t let the good you could be getting be swamped by the negative, find ways to remove or minimize those things that cause you trouble. Recognize it’s going to be complicated and frustrating.

Even things in the gospel that seem simple to others can be difficult for queer people. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t ignore that feeling. In those situations I ask myself these 3 questions — “Does that sound like me, do I resemble that remark?” — “Does this sound like the God that I know?” — “Does this fit with the great commandment to love one another?”

Being a nonbinary Latter-day Saint often means hungering, aching to the depths of your soul, just to be acknowledged, to have any of our theology reference you at all. One small thing you can do at church is simply saying 'a child of God' instead of 'a son or daughter of God.' Instead of praying, “Dear Heavenly Father,” try saying “Dear God” as a gender-neutral title.

When someone figures out they're nonbinary, things shift in ways they may not have anticipated. Be curious about yourself. For example, maybe you hated shopping for clothes, but actually maybe you just hated shopping only in the men's or the women's section because that's very limiting. Now the whole store is open, perhaps clothes shopping can be enjoyable as you get to express your gender in what you wear.

None of us comes forth from the womb fully-formed—we all grow, transform, and become. Those who are nonbinary get to do it in unique ways and I hope you, and those around you, appreciate the wonderful journey it is. Being nonbinary is not a mistake, it is not good or bad, it just is. You choose whether it’ll be a blessing or a curse in your life.

I wish you much joy in your journey of self discovery!

[wisteriaiswriting]

Hello hello!! I'd like to request a matchup pls!

I'm staying anon on this one but i hope u can do it, i'd like it to be a romantic matchup for tf2! Thanks in advance :)

I'm Mina, i'm 21, my pronouns are she/her and i'm bi, I'm 5'2 and i have long black hair with bangs, i wear glasses and i guess my body type is like, mid size? Not sure haha. I have a few tattoos and a bellybutton piercing. I like to experiment with my outfits and gender presentation, one day i can be very femenine and the other i'll just dress like a 2000s nu-metal singer. My favorite era regarding fashion is the 70s!! It's one of my big interests hehe.

I study journalism and have a big sense of social justice. I'm very extroverted and love being around people but i also think of alone time as extremely important. I have autism and it's a bit hard to read social cues directed at me, but i'm really good at reading who people are, not so much their intentions lol. I have two cats! Not sure if that's important but hey. I'm very detail oriented and very specific at the time of doing tasks. I'm a libra :) I'm very straightforward and have a dry sense of humor, but i'm always willing to help anyone who asks. If you p please include at least two results? One is ok though! I'm doing this for fun haha. I love your writing 💛💛

I match you with...

Medic (Romantic)

Doesn’t mind your fashion sense and how it can change, this only broadens the clothing choice for him. (He definetly steals some from anywhere for you)

While he doesn’t and has never studied journalism, he does appreciate anyone who does. This allows you two to have actual civilised conversations.

He’s more of an ambivert, but he likes the fact that you can keep up with him and his conversation topics,  this also means a lot of the time he lets you talk to the others if he’s busy. He also enjoys some quiet, alone time as well. Opting to spend it with you in the infirmary or in his room for a higher chance of being alone.

Very quick to notice your autism, and honestly, he has no problem working around the way you do things. He also has a hard time reading some social cues, but that's kinda on him due ignoring plenty of them.

Is there to help you figure out people's intention, also gossips with you about said people when you read them.

He adores having some sort of schedule, so you being time specific works really well with him. (Can also can clash depending, but we’re gonna ignore that for now)

With you both being detail oriented it’s very unlikely that anything will get by unchecked, so rarely nothing goes wrong under your watch.

Appreciates the fact that you’re very straightforward, it lets you two have honest and proper conversations.

Would you think this man would have a normal sense of humor? It may not be dry but this means he’s trying to get you to smile.

And

Sniper (Romantic)

He actually loves your nu metal fashion, after plenty of away missions, he’ll go out of his way to try find some more fashion pieces.

I just feel like he also likes fashion.

If you ever wear some 70’s fashion he silently melts (Just ingonore the fact it's 1968, it's totally in the future or new comic) he loves seeing you wear different types of fashion.

As we know he’s a very introverted man, so he appreciates having you around to talk to others, he’ll hang around still but lets you do everything social.

He also likes having his alone time, but now he has someone else to enjoy it with. Lets you hang out in his van for hours at a time.

I have this massive gut feeling that he’s also autistic, the constantly masking type. But he’s there to help you understand any social cues needed.

The fact you are good at reading people makes you two a mean duo on missions, as he’s there to verify who they are and also to try to figure out their intentions..

Absolute cat man, would rather cats over dogs anyday.

Gets you with being straight forward and your dry sense of humor. (Back to autistic Sniper) He never got the whole ‘sugarcoating’ thing, it’s more practical to not be so nice about it, so he understands you very well. Also your humor, god you two could go at it for hours or even days.

The points were a bit lower this time but they were pretty close at the start!

Medic - 8

Sniper - 8

Scout - 7

Administrator - 7

Miss pauling - 7

Soldier - 6

Demoman - 6

Spy - 6

Engineer - 5

Saxton hale - 4

Pyro - 4

Heavy - 3

[one-squash-one-end]

once again rambling about Adam Parrish

Hi! This still belongs to my big Raven Cycle analysis, click here for the masterpost.

For most of the characters I obviously read a lot into subtext and speculate about how they're absolutely not straight, but lucky for us, we do get canon queer characters!

So let this be me talking about Adam as bi representation and also throwing in (other people's) gender headcanons. As always, please tell me your thoughts in the notes <3

c) Adam Parrish

Sadly, I cannot speculate too much about Adam’s sexuality, as he is canonically the mean, witchy (and bitchy) bisexual.

There isn’t much I can say, really. Throughout the book series he displays interest in both Blue and Ronan. And also Greenmantle, but I would like all of us to ignore that because I want to believe Adam has good taste. Blue and Ronan as his love interests are essentially seen as equal. While I would say he had already had some repressed attraction for Ronan (see: him calling the swearing melodic, black-painted poetry- you normally wouldn’t feel like that for someone who just called you a motherfucker) in book one while dating Blue. Yet it becomes very much clear that he did have romantic feelings for Blue. Yes, the two of them were doomed from the start (but still pretty cute I’d say! Until things went to shit, that is), however, Blue is not treated by the narrative as some mistake before Adam figures out he’s actually gay (looking at you judgingly here, Rainbow Rowell). Neither was Ronan a quick, silly thing to see how it would feel to kiss the same gender. That is, like, very much very obvious, through the last five books. They are boyfriends, your honor.

At this point I would also like to give a shout-out to Adam Parrish and the Crying Club (which would make for a fire band name, just saying). This little group of queer people Adam collects at uni (in Call Down The Hawk) has my whole heart and I so wish we would have seen more of them, I am forever mourning their potential of silly, reoccurring side characters. What I’m trying to say though is this: The fact that Adam builds a group of queer people around himself (another one apart from the Gangsey) proves his sexuality even more, because we all know queer people flock towards each other.

Either way, canon bisexual, we love that. Moving on.

Honorary mention to the transmasc Adam headcanon that Tumblr user @barbaricpoetic compiles especially well in a post. I personally do not follow that headcanon, like of course I do not think Blue is supposed to be written as genderfluid in the books, but somehow I believe even less in trans Adam, but either way I do agree there is a lot of strong source material to support that headcanon. Check out the original post for a lot more detail, I don’t want to plagiarize all of that here either way, but here’s two especially solid hints: First of all, he does everything to appear more masculine, like working in typically male-dominated fields and dressing accordingly to that, while orientating his behavior on Ronan and Gansey, who, ironically, do not try as hard as him. Secondly, there’s physical descriptions, Adam being a lot more “elegant” and delicate than the other (Raven) boys Blue knows, with unusual features, and “blue eyes pretty enough for a girl”. Yeah, might be a coincidence, might be solid, queer truth.

This would all make so much sense, even within the books and all, there is just one, considerably big thing, that would not add up with this in canon. Adam’s rural-conservative shitbag of a father would never use the correct name and pronouns for his ftm child.

Either way, there might still be something fun going on with his gender that defies the binaries. Why do I think so? Well, Gansey says a very interesting thing. “Henry was a boy. Adam was a─ Gansey didn’t know.” I wish he would have told us what makes them different. What is it that Adam was? A man? A demiboy? A nonbinary person? A dinosaur in disguise? Please do enlighten us, Gansey. I’m assuming it’s got something to do with Adam being more mature than Henry (he definitely is), but like with Blue and the 300 Fox Way Women, it might be a gender thing, at least you can very easily lay it out to be that way.

To conclude as I will conclude every character part, I think Adam might possibly wear a crop top (might take him a while to accept masculinity is everything you want it to be and not just a certain aesthetic standard though), but absolutely not regularly and not around strangers or his parents.

[silken-threads-bah]

can we have a subsystem (up to you the count) w Transmasc Katsuki Bakugo who had a past life as Black Widow from Marvel (he's based off a fanfiction) and whoever else you want (doesn't have to be from the same media)

Hope this is alright. I think I found the fic you are talking about and it seems very interesting, I might end up reading more of it - Raphael

Name: katsuki bakugo, widow, blaze

Age: 17

Pronouns: he/him

Gender(s): transmasc

Orientation: bisexual

Source(s): my hero academia fanfiction

Role: anger holder, host

Personality: he's quick to get angry over small things, but when he's actually mad, he looks incredibly calm and collected. when someone upsets him or people he's close to, he's very quick to get revenge. It's pretty hard to get close to him however, he tries his best to push everyone away despite the fact that he craves close relationships.

Interests: ballet, superhero comics and how the main themes in them have changed throughout the years in response to real life issues, organized crime.

Extra info: he's sassy as fuck and always has a comeback for everything.

Faceclaims:

Name: Taskmaster, Anthony, Tony

Age: mid 30s

Pronouns: he/him

Gender(s): male

Orientation: straight

Source(s): marvel comics

Role: physical protector

Personality: he likes to simply observe what's going on instead of actively interacting with it. He only fronts when there's a serious threat that he doesn't think the others can handle and in doing so will often cause more harm than help. Whenever spoken to, he'll give cryptic answers that don't actually answer anything because he likes to be a little shit like that.

Interests: hate-watching superhero movies

Faceclaims:

Name: spider-man, spidey, peter, parker

Age: 17

Pronouns: he/web

Gender(s): transmasc

Orientation: bisexual

Source(s): tom holland's spider-man

Role: emotional protector, anxiety holder

Personality: he's typically pretty upbeat, preferring to try to look at the bright side of situations instead of wallowing in how bad they may be. Web only fronts around people the subsystem is comfortable around, although he loves to talk to people. Oftentimes him fronting will cause the body to feel the anxiety that web holds, so it's not preferable for others in the system to allow him to front. He's by far the most outgoing and social out of the others though.

Interests: science, especially anything physics and chemistry related. Web loves to explain complex theories and equations and will spend hours researching them if given the chance.

Faceclaims:

Name: all might, hercules, gabriel

Age: mid-30s

Pronouns: he/him

Gender(s): male

Orientation: straight

Source(s): my hero academia

Role: something like a father figure and caretaker

Personality: very confident, never gets shaken even when faced with things that would terrify the rest of the subsystem. He fronts whenever the others are scared and takes control of the situation so that the others don't have to. he's very fatherly and takes others under his wing in order to protect them.

Interests: football, history (especially the world wars, he's very interested in the battle tactics and technology used)

Faceclaims:

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hello sex witch

this might be long and ramble a bit but i’ll try to keep it succinct. 

so i’ve always thought that the concept of polyamory and having multiple partners sounded nice in the abstract, i don’t really date a lot so it hasn’t come up but i figured it was sort of a thing that most people would be open to or like the idea of (like me). this was until today when i saw someone objecting to the notion of being in a throuple or polyamorous relationship. i didn’t know that was a thing people did. i just thought we all wanted to date lots of people if given the opportunity. the fact that the other people in the couple were a man and a woman didn’t deter me. i’m now considering the fact that i might not be quite as heterosexual as previously assumed. 

when i considered sexuality before it was always a clear cut “yeah girls because i know i like girls” and also maybe that sex with dick seemed sort of weird, but upon further consideration it might just be that i think all sex is sort of weird. 

and now i’m not sure what to do about this, i don’t think that experimenting with people is right because i would feel so shit about it because they’re people and also the fact that i have some strong anxiety about sex in general. someone seeing my naked body makes me feel a little sick. and also i’ve never had sex so don’t really know how sexual attraction is supposed to feel or what i would do with myself if the occasion (sex) was to arise. i feel sort of similar / the same when thinking about sex with both men and women. 

i’m unsure if it’s all a desire for close male friendship or if i might be a little gay. 

tldr i might be polyamorous and attracted to men after a good 19 years of staunchly Not Thinking About It. would appreciate advice or help. 

i guess this isn’t as much a question as more of a asking for advice. this might not even be in your wheelhouse considering the sort of tangential connection to sex. sorry if not

hey anon,

boy, this one is a real buffet. it's legitimately very hard to decide where to start with this, but I'm going to do my best.

let's get this one out of the way first and foremost: if you're into guys that's totally fine. love that for you. if sex with men is something you ever want to explore I would encourage thinking bigger than the stigma that's currently associated with "experimenting." it has a very dehumanizing connotation, but there's no reason that trying out a new kind of sex has to be a cold or impersonal experience! it's fine to approach someone, either via the apps or in real life (honestly! the latter is better!) and be up-front about what your interests and intent are. people have sex without intending to form long-term partnerships all the time; it's literally fine and a thing that many people enjoy doing. so, like, this is my endorsement for respectful, mutually-informed experimentation lmao.

but hey, listen: I don't think that having sex with men is actually, like, a pressing issue for you, based on everything else you've told me here. it doesn't sound like sex is really a huge part of your life, and honestly that's great! it doesn't seem like sex would be great for you right now! can I point to some reasons why?

i think all sex is sort of weird

i have some strong anxiety about sex in general

someone seeing my naked body makes me feel a little sick

[I] don’t really know how sexual attraction is supposed to feel or what i would do with myself if the occasion (sex) was to arise

all of these are, like, perfectly fine things to feel, and also they are pretty good indicators that it's probably for the best that you're not having sex right now. genuinely I do Not do this lightly, because I have a whole thing in my FAQ about not wanting to tell other people their orientations, but has the possibility occurred to you that you might not experience sexual attraction at all? you can like people of all kinds of genders but not want to have sex with them.

let's maybe just take sex off the table altogether while we explore this "maybe you're a little gay" thing, alright? because it seems like that's just going to stress you out a needless amount. what if instead of thinking about having sex with guys, you give some thought to dating guys, forming romantic connections, doing things together that aren't having sex. would you date a guy? I mean, hell, would you date a girl? would you date anyone? does that sound good to you? it's nice to actually interrogate these things; the worst thing that can happen is that you get to know yourself a little more clearly.

you can date and love people without ever having sex with them. does that sound fun for you?

this is the most important thing: you're not under, like, any obligation to figure this out immediately or even soon. take your time, you know? there's no correct timeline for this and self-discovery is perpetual.

also hey listen this one isn't, like, bad and I'm certainly not addressing it as a problem but PLEASE I have to know where you grew up that you didn't realize that most people are actually not polyamorous. are you perhaps the spawn of the greater Seattle area polycule?

[sureabel]

i. the violent bear it away - flannery o'connor // ii. "ptolemaea" - ethel cain // iii. jude 1:14-15

( charles michael davis / dog soldier wolf, 140, cis man, he/him ) — Look who it is! If you take a look at our database, you’ll find that ABEL BARNES is a PASTOR ( + PODCASTER ) that works in SECTOR 10. According to the file, they’re a mutant with the power of ROUGAROU PHYSIOLOGY. That must be why they’re CHARISMATIC and VOLATILE. If you ask me, they remind me of moonlight shining on a room of crosses, a slap on the hand for stealing the cookie out of the cookie jar, the creature every child fears. They are affiliated with NOBODY.

QUICK FACTS:

full name: abel lucas barnes

date of birth: may 29th, 2035

zodiac big three: gemini sun, capricorn moon, virgo rising

gender & pronouns: cis man & he/him

sexual + romantic orientation: bisexual + biromantic, but celibate now!

ethnicity: 1/2 black, 1/2 filipino

nationality: usamerican

religion: christian ( raised southern baptist, current ideals (when he's preaching! not when he's entirely insane!) are baptist-adjacent )

languages spoken: english (5), french (5), filipino (4), latin (4)

enneagram: 1w2

mbti: isfj

temperament: phlegmatic-melancholic // choleric

alignment: lawful neutral // neutral evill

ability: rougarou physiology

affiliation: n/a

task: mutation breakdown

BACKSTORY

triggers: brief implication of dementia, murder, religious insanity, more murder, more religious insanity

Recounting all 140 years of Abel Barnes's existence ( at least, all 140 fictional years... because we actually do love history in this house, but... ) would be rather difficult. A man who went from a restless child in New Orleans, LA to a man leading evangelicals in Sol City... and to think, it was only one event that caused the change. But that event, the split that that event caused, did not come from nowhere.

See, Abel Barnes's grandmother, Ruthie, played a very integral role in his upbringing. His parents both picked up two jobs upon the birth of his younger brother, thus leaving Ruthie in charge of the boys. It was nothing unremarkable. But Ruthie? Oh, that old broad -- she was unremarkable!

She did not raise Abel gently -- not that she raised him poorly, but she would not let him believe that God would ignore his existence just because he only went to Church on the important holidays ( oh, she certainly tried to force him and his brother to go every Sunday with her, but she ultimately had to accept what their parents demanded... something she had learned the hard way ). The most effective way she found, however, was telling him about the Rougarou.

-> Ruthie was a superstitious woman by nature, so it only made sense that she would weaponize the iconic figure in Cajun folklore.

The Rougarou had been all but cursed after breaking his Lenten vows. Every night, he was turned into a creature -- the body of a man, the head of a wolf. He was nearly invulnerable, and he was very, very hungry. He feasted most often on misbehaving children. And he made sure that their deaths were not quick! He made sure that they suffered! Not that he discriminated, plenty of sinners were targets, but children were his favorite.

Well, this concept terrified Little Abel™... but gradually lost its allure as he aged. By the time he was a teenager, he was doing everything the Rougarou would hate to see and joking with his buddies about how 'ooh, he's gonna get me!' And his absolute favorite? The Rougarou Fest in Houma.

Nothing Ruthie weaponized was working... so she just had to pray he would learn the error of his ways.

He did mellow out as he grew, became a more respectable man. By the time he was 30, he'd married a lovely woman. By the time he was 35, he had a child of his own. By the time he was 38, Ruthie had come to live the rest of her golden years out with him.

He was careful to keep his child away from Ruthie's superstitious and religious ramblings, worse now that she was aging and her brain was slowly deteriorating.

40, however? That was when his life changed forever.

-> The meteor struck the Earth, killing his wife and infecting him.

The head of a wolf, the body of a man. All but invulnerable. Blood-thirsty. Righteous. Complete 180º.

Seeing his child wearing mismatched clothing, he killed him first. Ruthie? She begged. She told him she had spent her entire life in the pursuit of God's love. And that was the exact problem -- how very selfish! Her slaughter... well, he relished in it.

He continued the spree, though it was now focused on friends and strangers who had managed to scrape by, up until the cure was found. He did not like the cure. He did not want the cure. But it was forced upon him...

It just wasn't as strong as it could've been. While he did return to a... slightly saner version of himself, mourning the loss of his son and grandmother and his friends, feeling great guilt over the murders of strangers... something had been permanently rewired.

It was comparable to sundowning. Every morning, Abel awoke as a... fairly sane man who had simply become much more religious than he had been before the meteor ( he would say it was the miracle of surviving it that turned him to God, but that wasn't the truth ). Every night, Abel was that Rougarou, pursuing all sinners he had seen throughout the day. And, as the day went from morning to night, he became progressively worse. Afternoon? The itch was there. Evening? He had begun a podcast inspired by televangelists, one where he went upon raging tangents regarding the Lord.

The physicality matched this. Every morning, Abel awoke with glowing golden eyes and sharp canine teeth. Afternoon? His nails had sharpened, fur was beginning to grow on his hands. Evening? Every tooth was sharp, his ears were standing upon the top of his head, his face and back had become hairier. Night? He had a wolf's head with fur littering his back and torso.

Morning? He awoke with faint memories...

He traveled from settlement to settlement, not leaving until the Rougarou had rampaged throughout and killed all of the worst sinners. Sometimes, that meant destroying entire villages... other times, that meant just a few bodies in his wake.

He reached Sol City some months back. As with all other settlements, he took up his usual mantel as a baptist-adjacent Pastor. But the Rougarou? His eyes have been scanning... and god save The Bearded Lady!

TIMELINE

BORN: New Orleans, largely raised by his religious and superstitious grandmother, Ruthie.

CHILDHOOD: A good kid... mainly caused by the fear his grandmother had instilled in him -- fear of God, fear in superstitions, fear in the Rougarou.

TEENAGE YEARS: Gradually stopped believing in those superstitions and the Rougarou, became a bit more reckless, much to Ruthie's dismay.

YOUNG ADULTHOOD: Started cleaning himself up. Became more respectable.

ADULTHOOD: Had a family (a wife and a child). Ruthie moved in as she gradually became incapable of caring for herself. He kept her far from his child, not wanting the fear she had spilled out onto him to be spilled out onto his child.

DIRECTLY FOLLOWING THE METEOR: His wife was killed by the meteor, meanwhile Abel? Infected by the virus. Rougarou form, baby! Mind did a complete 180. He murdered his child for wearing mismatched clothing. He murdered Ruthie for begging and telling him she had dedicated her life to God. He murdered some of the friends who had made it out. He murdered some strangers.

EARLY POST-CURE: His mind did not entirely recover. He went from roughly agnostic to very Christian, and that was the best of it. By night, he returned to who he had been before the cure -- save, perhaps, for not seeing any nuance in any situation.

POST-CURE: Traveled from settlement to settlement. Delivered sermons in the morning, ranted on his evangelist podcast in the evening, rampaged against all the sinners at night. He would move on only when all of the worst sinners had been wiped out.

HEADCANONS

Every time I imagine this guy talking, I just hear Rodney Barnes's voice. (Totally used the same last name.) (I did not learn about the Rougarou from him, but he does have an episode on it!)

The faint memories he has in the morning typically include nothing but flashes of where he had been. It's the blood on his mouth that tells him he'd done the unthinkable.

-> Of course, he does not always kill in Rougarou form. Sometimes he just attacks! And, y'know, there are even sometimes where all he does is scout out future targets.

more tbd!

CONNECTION IDEAS

Parishioners. When he's not going completely insane, he preaches Baptist-adjacent ideals. A lot lighter on the judgment and hatred, though! We don't need that in a safe space and who really wants to write that?

Friends by day. Besides being a bit fanatic, Abel's... fine in the morning. Tolerable in the afternoon, too.

Enemies by night. I mean... without even thinking about it, he hates everyone who works at The Bearded Lady, as already shared with Doc (though I still need to get back to more messages!). But there are so many sinners in this RP! If Heaven and Hell are real, as Abel believes, I'm pretty sure more characters in this RP would go right to Hell than the ones who'd go to Heaven <3

ElTangoDeRoxanne.mp3. But moooommmm, lust and envy are sins!

idk more to come probs

[la-principessa-nuova]

What a day, haha

For anyone who sees this from the tags, important context is that I’m a trans lesbian, on day 5 of HRT, not socially transitioned, and not out at work or to my family.

So today I went to my local Pride celebration for the first time, and I had the perfect cover to participate while not being out because I was volunteering to march for my employer and working at our booth, so I didn’t get to fully enjoy it, but I had a lot of fun and due to some interesting timing of stuff happening at work, we weren’t too bothered about actually advertising and were mostly just giving free stuff out and talking to a bunch of people.

I was so jealous of this girl I work with’s confidence because she was dancing to every song, cheering, and taking charge of everything, and I was just struggling to speak loud enough to talk to the people and trying to keep on top of handing stuff out to everyone.

Because whenever I talk in public, even if i don’t want to, it’s hard to not mask with a deep voice, and it doesn’t carry in a crowd, so I have to be louder, and then that feels way more masculine, and I just can’t bring myself to do it, especially under the pressure of a social situation I’m already struggling with, and I end up mumbling inaudibly.

But anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself, because I had originally assumed I would drive myself to the event, and I bought rainbow prescription glasses to wear for it, and I was planning on going all out. But then with parking being a pain, my mom offered to drop me off, and I realized that morning that it meant she would see my rainbow glasses and how into it I was. But she didn’t say much and dropped me off.

Then at the end I texted my mom and she was confused about where to pick me up, so she sent my dad to get me. So now my dad (who recently said “are you gay and not telling me” directly into my face with an angry/disappointed look on his face when he saw my completely normal glasses that he thought looked a bit too gay) was going to see me in my rainbow glasses and wearing multiple pride bracelets I’d gotten there.

But he was unusually calm about it and didn’t comment, so i figured my mom had yelled at him about the last time and he was now trying to be good about it. So we got back and I stayed at their house for a bit after because my dad had stopped in a drive through on the way home and gotten me food.

While I’m there, he starts “debating” about how kids shouldn’t be taught gay people exist, and surprisingly it actually turned into a productive conversation because he said something about how he can understand why women would want to be with other women (although he worded it as “because they’re emotional or whatever”) but doesn’t get why men would want to be with men because men are gross.

Which gave me the perfect opening to explain about because he only likes women romantically and sexually, so of course to him men aren’t attractive. And I said that I also sometimes feel like, “Why does anybody like men?,” because I like only women (I do like some people outside of the gender binary, but I don’t think my dad even understands what that means anyway, so I kept that to myself for the moment), but then I have to remember that the reason I don’t get what’s desirable about men is because what other people find desirable, I find undesirable, and that’s fine. The conversation continued on and I think I made some headway in explaining sexual/romantic orientation a bit.

But then later my dad brought up that I’d said I liked women and that he was confused why I wanted to be part of Pride if I liked women (which I was able to answer because I would want to go even if I was just an ally), but he then proceeded to tell me how my mom and my sister are convinced that I’m gay and told him to stop being rude about it and let me open up on my own time.

So maybe a little backwards progress that my dad is convinced I’m a cishet man and might start to comment on things again, but I did get a lot of information about what my family’s saying about me behind my back.

But I am so tired now. I really hope I can get a solid break tomorrow and just do nothing.

Oh yeah, and while I was waiting for my dad, a coworker who is one of the two people in charge of planning for Pride at work waited with me and I got to share some of the ideas I had for next year and discuss some of the things we could do better next time.

Everything went really well, but I’m wondering how this is going to pan out with my dad knowing I like girls. Like I imagine he’ll tell my mom that and then if she suspects I’m trans that might recolor things a bit, and if not she’ll probably tell my sister and then maybe she’ll realize I’m trans?

Again, what a day.

[ronansullivan]

Oh, is that RONAN SULLIVAN? I heard the FORTY-TWO year old is SAGACIOUS. But don’t let that pretty face fool you, they are also JADED. Makes sense seeing how they are the PRESIDENT of the GHOST RIDERS MC gang.

pinterest

full name: ronan james sullivan

nicknames: sully, big sully, prez

faceclaim: jensen ackles

birthdate: november 22nd

alliance: ghost riders mc

gender: cis man

pronouns: he/him

occupation: gang leader

hometown: the bronx, new york.

sexual orientation: straight pan but repressing the shit outta that

relationship status: single, divorced

height: 6"4

gunpowder and cigar smoke, measuring the ingredients for a loaf of bread, a smile like a knife, stretching over a pool table to line up the perfect shot, blood on your hands, stitching patches into leather, feeling at home in the shadows, whiskey burning hot in your chest, calloused fingers and a wicked grin, the sticky table at a local strip joint, a trail of hickeys up your spine, a bar with an old jukebox, scars you won't talk about, an engine so loud it makes your bones shake, stubble burn between your thighs, flipping pancakes on sunday morning, split lips and busted knuckles, never knowing when to back down.

knocked around the bronx with his younger brother for most of their childhood, father was a drunk and a no-good who made their lives hell. as the eldest ronan bore the brunt of the spiteful abuse, drawing the ire away from the rest of the family. uncle was a biker, taught ronan everything he knows about mechanics and mcs.

big sully and little sully were inseparable, climbing the ranks through the mc easily with their loyalty and skills. earning the nicknames pinky and brain. tommy was loveable where, ronan was suspicious and street-smart. he had one finger permanently hooked in his younger brother's collar to keep him out of trouble, which worked maybe 50% of the time.

then he got recruited, the navy sank its claws into him and he lost 5 years to them. returning to find tommy embroiled up to his neck in gang business, having made mess after mess in his absence. sully went back to his old ways, harder and without care this time, trying to stop his brother drowning with one hand and watching his own back with the other.

though he started off scared of fighting, his street brawling and time as a teenager fighting in various ny boxing gyms gave him a good base for training and soon he was near-lethal. the power felt good, the hurt felt good.

sully started spending time behind bars here and there, tommy falling faster, using harder and harder gear. during his longest stint in jail, tommy was fatally shot by cops during a job gone wrong, in the 20 minutes after that phone call ronan added a year to his sentence.

as he dragged details out of people in the months that followed his release, the whole thing didn't make any sense. it just stinks to ronan, the whole situation and even years later he wants to figure out just what actually went down that night. most people think he needs to let it go and that he's making up something to solve since he wasn't there for tommy.

ronan got married, to his on-again off-again girlfriend since high school. their love was all-consuming and real but awful for the people around them, for them both. too much of their time spent screaming in one another's faces and then making up to be tenable.

ronan has this way of making you feel confident, filling you with a sense of assuredness with a grin on your face. over time he started to resent how well he could bolster people: when the world would chew them up just like everybody else.

tried extremely hard not to grow up to be as angry as his father. he's angrier. after sully's brother died the red mist descended and he carved a bloody path through new york on his rise to leadership, anyone who knew ronan then will tell you something died behind his eyes when tommy did. a couple of nicknames a few bars have him still banned under are 'ronan the red' and 'ronan the barbarian'.

tries to give back quite a bit? though their work is grimy, the money dirty bills, not honest at all, sully throws block parties in the bronx, supplying food and drink for whole streets during the summers. businesses under the mc's protection get taken very seriously. there are big charity drives, donations. they settle neighbourhood disputes with street-corner town halls. they move abuse victims out of unsafe homes, sometimes still big sully will roll up his sleeves and knock out a husband if he needs to teach a lesson.

whitney and ronan divorced when freya was three, something better for everyone involved. they still had that chemistry that could cause arguments but the space allowed them to revisit the friendship that had kindled it all with their shared custody. whitney died in a hit and run a few years later when freya was seven. until about 5 years ago he wore the ring and told everyone he was widowed to just have some fucking peace for a while: he got married young, fell straight into the life and was so busy with work that a relationship was simply another target to add to the dwindling collection on his back. so he didn't.

sully has mellowed out a lot since rising the ranks. he's learned a lot of hard lessons told in the scars that mark him, eating at and cutting through the ink that covers his fingertips, all his arms, and across his shoulder blades to meet in the middle. those that haven't seen him at his worst, wouldn't know that above the slighter softer middle of his forties the breadth of his shoulders still houses someone strong enough to kill a man in one poorly or well-aimed punch, without blinking.

ronan takes all kinds, the downtrodden and the spat-upon can all find a place with the mc as long as they have heart and grit. sully is pretty hands-on at ensuring no one is abusing power in the ranks. views all of them like his kids but has to divorce himself from those feelings for the sake of his sanity and operations. doesn't stand for intolerance or prejudice either, if you say a slur he's feeding you your own teeth, he's an old dog but freya has taught him a lot.

freya is thirteen now and he shares custody with her grandma, he bought them a house in long island in 2008, one of the big victorian wooden ones, and renovated it. sully spends half his time up here down the big driveway, behind the tall pines with the people he loves most. too self-indulgent to give them up completely.

can often be found kneading huge mounds of dough for the bread at 3-4am in the bakery or enjoying a powdered sugar snowstorm out back while wearing an apron. it's something he, his mom, and his brother used to do together and it's meditative to him.

sully has his left eyebrow, his septum, and his tongue pierced as well as the cartilage of both ears. and his left nipple, you'd have to get one of the ghost riders to swear that on their bike.

[perikallis]

//Long time, no see, it's random hcs time!

I will update this to Zinon's bio eventually but I changed his civil job. Zinon no longer works (full-time, he still maintains an affiliation) in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and instead, he's now an auditor for some big international finance company. This means he does a lot of business travel and relocates somewhere new basically every week - currently, he's on a three-week travel sched + one week at home in Nicosia to "rest" (tho this man truly doesn't know what that means) and catch up on his nation work. How this will affect future rps is really only that it makes it easier for me to drop him in whatever location. If your muse meets him, just assume he's on a business trip in their country.

Recently I've also been thinking a lot about Zinon ft. cages, like, he has actually spent a lot of his life running away from different cages both physical and figurative. Being raised under the strict Byzantine court rules and religious teachings, being held like a prisoner by different empires and dictators, being trapped in unfortunate circumstances in life, and so on. He hasn't really had the luxury of choosing his own path and every time he's tried to fight against his fate, it's usually just landed him in more trouble and/or another, worse kind of cage. All this probably explains a lot about his restless lifestyle; one part due to being torn from his roots too many times and now having a hard time feeling at home anywhere and another part due to him seeing the bars of the cage again when he stops somewhere for too long. It's possible that he unconsciously relates staying in place with complacency. This flightiness has also earned him the petname "passerotto" ("little sparrow") from his lover.

Also talking about this relationship: yes Zinon is now in a committed relationship but unfortunately it's not going to be public information. As in, he might admit that he's taken, but the identity and especially the gender of his lover will be kept under wraps. If your muse does find out the identity of his boyfriend and asks about the relationship, Zinon might even straight up lie and deny everything out of fear. Why, you may ask? Bc Cy is actually one of the worst countries in Europe to be gay and also in his line of work homosexuality is still frowned upon and marginalised. He could easily lose his job and all his professional and social respect if his sexual orientation came out in the wrong company. That's why.

[oscurolena]

Welcome to Aurora Bay, [SELENA VALDES]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [PRISCILLA QUINTANA]. You must be the [TWENTY-NINE] year old [BARTENDER AT GOLDEN HOUR LOUNGE]. Word is you’re [RESILIENT] but can also be a bit [STUBBORN] and your favorite song is [WOULD'VE COULD'VE SHOULD'VE BY TAYLOR SWIFT]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [SEABROOK QUARTER]. I’m sure you’ll love it!

CHARACTER BASICS

NAME: selena valdes NICKNAME: lena AGE: twenty-nine DATE OF BIRTH: september 29, 1993 ZODIAC SIGN: libra GENDER & PRONOUNS: cisfemale, she/her ORIENTATION: bisexual STATUS: single HEIGHT: 5′2″ OCCUPATION: bartender at golden hour lounge NEIGHBORHOOD: seabrook quarter

QUICK FACTS

selena valdes was born out of an affair her mother, an up and coming model who had to cut her career short, had with a wealthy married man. growing up, selena never really had a proper father figure. although her father made sure that she and her mother lived a comfortable life, he felt more of a benefactor to her rather than a real father. she never really met him as an adult, but she had some vague memories of him when she was younger--though she wasn't exactly sure if they were real or if she just conjured them in her mind. besides, only a handful of people knew about her existence since her father wanted to keep mum about what happened.

lena didn't exactly hold resentment towards her father since she didn't know him well enough for that. her mother made it clear to her that it's just how the world works and she just accepted it at that time. nonetheless, she lived a comfortable life growing up and her mother cared for her as best as she could in the way she knew how to.

however, her mother also wanted that affection, so she kept on seeing different guys and none of them really lasted that long in their lives. that was the tiring part, meeting new people--thinking she'll finally have the family she always wanted, but just always getting disappointed in the end.

when she was in her second year in college and working part time in a coffee shop, she met someone who's quite older than her, but the two hit it off quickly. they simply clicked and lena fell hard for them. they were not her first love, but they were the one that left a permanent mark on her. everything seemed great at first and their relationship lasted for more than a year until everything fell apart. she found out that they were married and the last thing she wanted was to be just like her mother. lena broke it off between the two of them and cut all ties with them.

after them, lena became more evasive with romance and chose to date without truly committing to the other person. they've completely destroyed her ability to trust other people and she became more closed off. she's a huge flirt, but she rarely catches feelings. more often than not, she chooses to see the worst in people to make sure that she wouldn't get hurt by them.

lena has a degree in business management, but she cannot commit to just one job either. she's always quitting and looking for another job since they easily bore her.

a few months ago, someone contacted her and told her that he was her half-brother. it sounded like a scam at first, but google did its work and it turned out to be true, so she decided to come and visit them at aurora bay. but after being enchanted by the place, she decided to move here for now. currently, she's been residing in aurora bay for 3 months and found a job as a bartender at the golden hour lounge.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

her ex lover (39+)

regular customers at the bar

acquaintances or friends

frenemies

someone who has odd jobs for her to do?

yoga/gym buddies since

tinder matches

one night stands

ex fling

potential romantic interest?

will they won't they

anything else you'd be up to tbh. if u wanna plot with her, just give this a like and i'll dm you <3

[redheadbigshoes]

Hi! I have a legit question: Do you think someone's sexual orientation can change during their lifetime?? (And just so I'm clear, I don't mean "conversion therapy" or an “off/on switch” or anything like that!)

When I was a teenager, I thought I was bi: crushed on boys, but mostly fantasized about intimacy with girls. But years later, after a head over heels/gave me stomachaches I was so nervous/I wanted to be her everything crush on a female coworker lol, I slowly came to terms with my lesbian identity. I remember feeling lots of imposter syndrome because I didn't feel I was gay since birth like so many stories I'd heard from other gays/lesbians. Bisexuality was even more frowned upon back then, and I remember really NOT wanting to be bi. But I waited for the "other shoe to drop" on crushing on a bunch of guys which, aside from a couple "comphet crushes" (a married guy who was "nice" to me, and a male coworker who paid attention to me that all the other women in the office thought was hot) never really happened. I sure started crushing hard on women though! Lol. And after a breakup with my only boyfriend, I remember craving a relationship with a woman at the time.

Now I'm older and legit feel like I can't stand the idea of being with a man. My long term partner is a woman, but even if we ever broke up, I see myself seeking only women or other sapphics. Sure, I find a few men (mostly on TV, from a specific demographic) attractive, but I don't feel anything when I see them in the wild, even the good looking ones. I'm only questioning myself after now seeing all the updated discourse on lesbianism, and want to make sure I'm properly communicating and naming my identity.

I feel like I went from “secretly bi" to "publicly identifying as straight but suppressing my physical attraction to women” to “lesbian” without looking back. It could’ve been comphet, I’m not entirely sure. Do you think it’s possible for sexual orientation to shift like this though? I think Ricky Martin said something about genuinely having loved the women he used to date, but he stands firmly in his gay identity today.... I can somewhat relate. Anyway, thanks for your thoughts!

Hi! I think 99% of the time people’s sexuality doesn’t change, what happens is that most of the time people are bisexual but their preference can change and make them think they’re either homosexual or straight. Bisexuality can be a fluid identity, a lot of bisexuals can change their gender preferences over time, but I feel like those preferences just change, not that they actually stop being attracted to a certain gender. This also goes to aro/ace people (imo), their amount of sexual/romantic attraction might change over time but they’re still in the aspec.

Also when it comes to gays and lesbians who used to identify as bi before they figured out their identity, it’s not that they once were actually bi, they just took more time to figure out their lack of attraction to the opposite gender. This also goes to the opposite situation: someone who used to identify as gay/lesbian but later started identifying as bi. I honestly think they were always bi but they just had a heavy gender preference that made them think they weren’t.

I’ve seen some people bring up a situation where there was abuse and trauma involved and that trauma made them stop being attracted to a certain gender or made them be attracted to a certain gender. I’ve never been through anything like that, and though maybe that person’s sexuality could’ve actually changed, I think what happened is that after that trauma they suppressed their feelings towards a certain gender, and maybe those suppressed feelings made them realize their attraction to another gender (that attraction was always there but never really explored).

Idk exactly what Ricky Martin said, but maybe that love for the woman he used to date isn’t sexual and romantic, there’s other kinds of love that do not involve sexuality. Maybe he just really cares about that woman and he loves her platonically, but was never sexually and romantically attracted to her.

[lennygray]

― i saw KIAN BAKER on the streets, you know? the 30 years old SHAPESHIFTER, i think they been around beacon hills for 2 MONTHS, but i can be wrong… not like they can leave now, anyway. i heard a rumor that they want to HEAL the nemeton. they make me think of a singular green leaf left among the orange come autumn time ; one who will listen and run through fire for those around him ; silent tears falling in the moon light ; a ray of sunshine working to get rid of the darkness in others and hum “fake” by imanbek, you know? ― Dino, he/they

⎯ BASICS

Name Kian Baker

Nickname(s) Kiki (childhood nickname), Ki

Age 30

DOB 24th September 1991

Hometown Arlington, Virginia

Current Location Beacon Hills, California

Occupation Mechanic

Species Shapeshifter

Personality independent, hard worker, loyal, quiet, closed off, positive, disorganized

Gender cis male, he/him

Orientation gay (mlm)

⎯ STORY

Was raised by a single mother, who did everything she could to provide a good and stable life for Kian

Does not have any siblings that he is aware of, he is not in contact with his fathers side of the family

His parents split up before Kian was born, he met his father a handful of times but his father is a busy man and Kian never felt like he needed a father, as he has had many mentors and fatherly figures throughout his life

Has always felt different, not just because of the shapeshifting but also because of him being gay. His mother had a bit of trouble understanding at first but came around and completely accepted her son for who he was

Has often had to deal with a lot of negativity in his field of work because of him being gay which has led him to be sort of closeted again

Moved to Beacon Hills after an incident at work where he was forcefully outed, hoping to get a fresh start in Beacon Hills with better and more understanding coworkers

⎯ CONNECTIONS

Open to anything at the moment! Feel free to hit message me to plot!

Will probably add more as time goes on!

[claudiahuxley]

Welcome to Aurora Bay, [CLAUDIA HUXLEY]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [LUCY HALE]. You must be the [THIRTY-ONE] year old [FREELANCER ARTIST]. Word is you’re [CREATIVE] but can also be a bit [NARCISSISM] and your favorite song is [VAMPIRE BY OLIVIA RODRIGO]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [OCEAN CREST APARTMENTS]. 

NAME: Claudia Huxley GENDER: Female, she/her DATE OF BIRTH: December 1st STAR SIGN: Sagittarius HOMETOWN: Portland, Oregon SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual LOCATION: Ocean Crest Apartments RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single PROFESSION: Freelance Artist Time in Aurora Bay: 1 Month

Claudia always wanted a big family; mostly because when she was brought into this world it wasn’t by love, just a mere one night stand gone wrong. As much as she loves her parents, she often wondered what made them decide to keep her and work the whole co-parenting thing out when all they did was argued in front of her. Her mother, Thea, was a free spirit that didn’t care much about staying in one place. Claudia viewed her as a bird that has never been caged and she could remember her grandparents telling her that she was always on the run as if something was after her, she didn’t like being tied down to one man and was surprised that she decided to have a kid out of a wedlock. Her father, Chance, was a man of power and she could see why her mother was attracted to him when they first met. Claudia wasn’t exactly close with the man because he was always working at the police station, which made it hard for the girl growing up. She wasn’t the typical kid that was obsessed with cartoon shows and the latest Bratz dolls that came out, she focused on other things that interested her, her grandfather often telling her what an old soul she was and helped her with homework that she accomplished instantly in order to go wandering around town. Perhaps she got her free spirit from her mother, the need to travel the world and see what it has to offer, but part of her enjoyed the town she was born and raised in. At a young age, around fifteen, was when she started to find summer jobs to save up money, constantly worrying about college funds or even figuring out what she wanted to do with the rest of her life while her other classmates had some idea.

Claudia is one of those people who never want to take anything for granted, her circumstances growing up certainly made sure of that. She treasures every moment that she gets, everything that she has, because she’s afraid of losing them all. To others, she may appear too clingy and overly sensitive, but nobody can blame her for not wanting to lose everything she has. She’s a friendly person, all in all, but some people may think of her differently because of what she appears to be. It wasn’t until she was in her sophomore year of high school that she was introduced to drugs and alcohol by her friends. When she took that first sip of alcohol that numbed the pain of feeling lost and empty, it turned the brunette’s world upside down. With her parents not paying much attention and the fact that she traveled out of town for the summer to visit her mother, she could easily use that as an excuse to sneak off to another state to find more people to party with. In her father’s eyes, she was the perfect little girl that could do no harm and Claudia was beyond amused with how easily it was to manipulate that image.

Graduating high school was an accomplishment from the constant partying and keeping up with the social crowd, being a cheerleader and even a teacher’s pet had its benefits to get things to easily slip past others and to get her way. Getting into the college was easy, The brunette majored in a Bachelor of Fine Arts where she found her passion for art. She decided to make a career out of it and followed her dream even though she wasn't sure where it would lead her.

Moving to LA wasn't in the cards but it was where she found herself being. She wanted to start new, but it appeared her inner demons had other plans as she got back into the partying scene but worse this time. She was having fun, enjoying her life until she fell pregnant and decided that this must be a sign for her to really get herself together. After giving birth to a baby girl, Claudia was doing so good until she fell off the wagon again and had her baby taken away by the baby's father. Claudia got her act straighten up and came to Aurora Bay to try and make things right between her baby's father but also just to get out of LA from temptations.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #178

What was the last big change through which you went? Do you deal well with change, typically? Have you always? The very obvious answer is how much my legs have improved. Walking is usually more uncomfortable than fucking agony nowadays, and after being so used to the extreme weakness in my legs, I've come leaps and bounds. Change can still stress me out, but I've definitely gotten friendlier towards it.

What is something fun you have done within the past week? I watched Girt finish Nier; it's his all-time favorite game so I loved watching him be all enthusiastic about it and share interesting stuff. I'd actually already seen him play it once, MANY years ago, but I completely didn't remember the plot (he finished the game when I was so done and VERY much barely conscious lol), and this time he played the "Replicant" remake, so the quality of everything was improved. I thought it was great, its soundtrack is especially astounding.

Have you ever read any self-help books? Nah, I'm not nearly interested enough in the genre to get past a couple pages.

Do you thank the bus driver? Yes, you should thank any person that serves the public; bus drivers, waiters, everything. That's just common sense to me, like it's so rude to not show appreciation for someone serving YOUR needs. "But it's their job to ____," I don't give a fuck say thank you you ungrateful shit.

Are you scared of needles? Only very long needles that penetrate very deeply.

Do you know anyone who is/was a drug addict? Yes.

Do you tend to cave into peer pressure? No.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yes.

Who was the last person you went to the movies with? Girt. I'm TRYING to talk him into seeing Barbie now lmfao, I don't think it's happening though. It kinda surprised me how unwilling he is, and I do kiiiinda worry he's fallen into the "it shits on men too hard" crowd, but I don't know.

Do you ever fear falling asleep? Well yes, for some reason no doctor has been able to confidently figure out, I have severe nightmares/terrors nearly any time I fall asleep. This has been going on for years though so by THIS point it's not so much fear, but annoyance.

What do you think is the youngest age someone should lose their virginity? I'd personally be very nervous if I knew my kid was having sex before 16, but I'm completely aware that it's not very realistic; teens developing a genuine libido is gonna happen and they're gonna do what teens do. I feel like this would, for the most part, vary with the person and their level of maturity and self-discipline, but what do I know.

Do you believe in abstaining from sex until marriage? That's a personal choice that isn't mine to make for anyone but me, HOWEVER I do see how waiting until you're legally bound to see how sexually compatible you are may not be a great idea. That's very important to some people so you should know this before you get married, in my own personal opinion.

What is your sexual orientation? Pansexual.

What is something you have acquired with age? TOLERANCE, open-mindedness, the ability to see what's right and wrong is almost never black and white and those also aren't the same thing for every single person, and that's okay. I've definitely learned to see that the world isn't experienced only through my own eyes and my moral compass.

Do you enjoy history? I really don't, I do believe it's important to know history to be aware of what's been tried and failed + why, but I'm just not interested, man. I also was so bad at dates and names and I just found it all boring.

Have you ever changed religions? Haha three times I guess; OG was Roman Catholic just because I was raised that way from birth, but it quickly turned to Christianity, in my earlier 20s I felt the most connection to Neo-Paganism, now I'm an agnostic/atheist of sorts. Got very high doubts that's ever changing.

Have you ever lied about your gender? Nah.

Have you ever designed your own Facebook timeline cover? I've EDITED pictures for that purpose, but I've never like, made some sort of collage or anything for this purpose.

What is one site that closed down that you wish would come back? Give me back my kabam.com Dragons of Atlantis game please I want it back the app is not the same

Are you a fan of the Saw movies? I've never really watched them, honestly, and I'm not very interested just because of the SHEER level of "you don't want to picture this" the traps are. It's not the gore that gets me, I just don't want to imagine going through that stuff; physically seeing it in movie form is anxiety-inducing.

Do you ever forget how old your siblings are? Only my half-siblings; I have none of their ages memorized. It's not that I care less because they're "just half," instead it's that they're not regulars in my life, like I see them once every good few years for a few days at most.

Who last talked about kissing you? Girt, I'm sure.

Did you speak to your father today? No, I haven't for a while. And I'm sure I won't until my nephew's birthday party on the 19th.

Would you ever get gauged ears? The first holes in my earlobes are; they're only 4mm and I don't plan on going any larger because one ear in particular will almost certainly tear if I push it any further.

Do you believe in moving in together before engagement or marriage? That's MY preference, like I definitely think it's wise to see how you exist in the same home before you tie the knot.

Did you ever give a hickey to the last person you kissed or you guys didn’t go that far? Yes.

List five of your favorite YouTubers. Markiplier (I don't really watch his content anymore but he as a person I still adore), GameGrumps, Rhett & Link (I haven't watched their stuff in many years now, but like Mark, I still adore them as individuals), John Wolfe, and Snake Discovery are all up there, but I definitely love more than five.

What pet names do you use with your significant other? All the usual ones I can think of, some far more than others.

Who is your best online friend? Mazzy and Tez aren't just my best online friends, they're my closest friends out of anyone if you're not counting my boyfriend and mother.

Who knows more about you: online friends or offline? HAHAHAHA ONLINE, I have ALWAYS been WAY more open about myself online, especially in terms of hobbies and interests and artistic stuff I do.

What’s something you find unconventionally romantic? Someone teaching you about something they're passionate about. Like how sweet is it that they wanna share that joy with you. YES you can overdo this and be overbearing about it, but in willing doses, I think this is very cute to share your passions.

List 3-10 things in nature you find amazing. Sentient existence itself (hell, even non-aware organisms are fucking fascinating), outer space, evolution, life and death and how it goes back into life in an everlasting cycle, mountains and volcanoes, canyons where you can see time right in front of your face in the layers of rock, fossils, really clear water, love and affection being exhibited beyond just the human species, and the deep ocean. I could go on for a LONG time, nature is endlessly fascinating.

What is one song that you've been listening to on repeat lately? "Platz Eins" by Lindemann is one.

Do you enjoy creative writing? Yes, very much.

Do you sleep with just a sheet in summer when it's hot? No, I change out blankets. Thicker comforter in the cold months, a thin blanket when it's hot.

Do you get bursts of creative energy or is it more consistent? I feel like I definitely have this baseline creativity going on, like I get especially artistic ideas so regularly (I have ongoing lists of a variety of art-based projects I wanna get to some day), however I absolutely do have bursts of increased creative drive. I fucking love those.

Have you ever been chased by a dog? Not by one that had any intention of hurting me; just pets chasing while playing.

Is your voice high, low, or somewhere in the middle? It's definitely lower than your average woman's.

What's the next friend or family birthday coming up? Will you buy them a present? Mom's is the 5th. And no, I have literally no source of income so I physically can't even buy her a candy bar or some shit, and it's fucking embarrassing and honestly agonizing to be That Person who goes into her bday empty-handed. I could write or draw something, but I haven't been able to think of what yet...

What was the last book you read? I'm currently reading Wings of Fire: Darkness of Dragons by Tui T. Sutherland. I've gotten into the habit of reading before bed and I'm enjoying it.

What are your plans for tomorrow? Nothing.

Is there a gang problem in your area? Not in my very specific area, but this city absolutely does, no one likes this place.

Do you make your Starbucks order more complicated if it isn't busy? I don't even go to Starbucks.

Would you date an already attached person? Hell no. In MY romantic relationships, you're picking me or them, and there's no in-between.

When you marry, will you wear white? I doubt it, I think I'm probably gonna wear black. But white is still possible.

Is there anything significant happening this month? Mom's and Ryder's birthdays, and I know Ryder will have a party. This weekend I'm going to Girt's sister's new place for the first time; I know that's not really "significant," but dude, anything that breaks my daily routine is worthwhile to mention in my world lol.

What are your grandfathers’ names? I only remember my mom's dad's name, which was William.

Have you ever seen a snake in real life? Living to 27 and not seeing a single snake, at least here, would be extremely odd. Yeah, I've seen plenty, I have a pet snake in my own house.

Do you know anyone that has been held hostage before? Oh yikes, not that I know of.

Can you ever hear dogs barking from your house? Does it annoy you? Yes, and admittedly yeah, it does. Our next-door neighbor particularly has a big dog named Kira, and she is CONSTANTLY barking, and she's not an indoor dog (she's behind a proper fence, calm down), so you certainly hear her. It doesn't annoy me to the point I'm gonna go bitch about it, but dogs barking is a noise I just do not like.

What's your main reason for booking taxis? I've never been in a legit taxi; they're not really a thing around here. I've taken an Uber with my mother literally once in my entire life, because of car problems.

When was the last time you saw your partner (or your best friend)? He was here yesterday; we finished Silent Hill 2 finally and that was fun, I was glad he liked it. It was nice, the last visit we played his favorite game of all time, and this time we closed off mine.

How did you sleep last night? Surprisingly very good.

Do you like candy corn? No, it's disgusting to me.

Are you bored right now? Yes; my anhedonia has been VERY severe the past few weeks. We're in the process of adjusting meds because I'm pretty sure I've reached the point of developing an immunity to something. It's happened with my psych meds many times before, so I expected it to happen again.

Do your grandparents speak English as a first language? Yeah, to my knowledge they all only spoke English.

Do you remember to turn lights off in the rooms you're not actively using? Yes, when you live in a family that actually has to worry about their bills you learn this shit quick lmfao.

Do you have many snacks in your house right now? No, Mom and I avoid that because we're very "out of sight, out of mind" with food, and if unhealthy shit is here, we're gonna eat it. It's just healthier for us to not have stuff available to us.

Do you keep alcohol in your house? Not regularly, no. I uh, think. Maybe Mom has alcohol somewhere, but I doubt it; both of us only drink usually for holidays, and never a lot.

Did you have a bunk bed when you were a kid? Yes, for me and my younger sister. I started off in the top bunk, but in my pre-teen years before Ashley moved out and I got her room, I preferred the bottom bunk.

[barzum-and-baizli]

1,2,3,4?

1) I’m aroace and agender. he/him are my pronouns.

2 and 4) It took me so fucking long. I have probably thought i was every letter anyone has ever put in the acronym before finally settling. I first thought I was a lesbian in middleschool because I mentioned I had never had a crush on any boys and a girl I was friends with said that meant I was a lesbian so I identified as that for a while.

When I went to highschool, I sort of realized I felt the same for everyone, so I started identifying as “demisexual”(which…. i thought meant what pansexual means because someone i met at camp ided as demi-pansexual and i got them mixed up LMFAOOOO).

After that, I stopped thinking about my sexuality and kinda just was like “no i’m cishet” because I was in a really shitty position surrounded by a bunch of “ironic” lgbtphobia.

Then I learned about asexuality on a forum my friend at the time ran. She immediately started mocking and laughing at the person who was asexual in the mod chat and talking about how it was fake, how it was a disorder, and how people were so stupid that they can’t realized how fucked up they are and shit. 

Despite her reaction, I started considering that was what I was. But I also started iding as a lesbian again, instead of aromantic or just asexual, because I didn’t want to be “completely fucked up” in my own words because of her reaction to it.

This was also around the time I first tried to come out to someone. It was to her. We were getting lunch together and I only subtly hinted at my orientation and she immediately started mocking me and telling me I should ask a doctor about it. That was when I stopped iding as asexual again and kind of forced myself into a few bad situations online to try and “help fix” myself. Don’t force yourself into sexual situations, kids.

After a while, I stopped talking to the people who where this toxic and left the school club I was in that was filled with them. A few months before I left, I started IDing as a lesbian again, not asexual this time. Once I was finally out, I started questioning my gender. The first thing I Ided as was agender, but I was kind of still “testing the waters” with it and still used she/her pronouns and didn’t tell anyone about it for several years. I also started IDing as demisexual again(I had the right definition this time) because I still considered asexuality to be “fucked up”.

After a little while, and one of my new friends mentioning asexuality in a positive light, I started IDing as asexual again, and mentioning it to them. That was the first time I ever heard someone say something positive about asexuality. I was still iding as a lesbian at this time.A couple years passed, and I slowly started Iding as a biromantic asexual because I felt the same for men and women and was still terrified of being aro/ace and fucking ace discourse was picking up which definitely contributed to this lmfaoooooo. There’s a very specific kind of dread that comes with never having seen any positive mention of your sexuality, being given one sliver of hope, then being thrust back into the cold hard reality that even the people you hoped would understand fucking hate you that definitely can cause you to misidentify. I also started using he/she/they pronouns at this time, still IDing as agender. I call this the “natter” phase because this was when fucking natter was popular.

Anyways, after that, I slowly started Iding as A trans man for a while because I realized a lot of my body and social issues were SEVERE GENDER DYSPHORIA(transmeds fuck off that’s not what made me trans. I knew I was NB before I realized how bad my dysphoria was) lmaooooo. I came out as one to my dad, picked a name, etc etc etc. All of THAT stuck, I’m still going by the same name, pronouns, etc. For a while then, I also started considering myself aromantic and gay. because I was okay with sex and for some reason, aromanticism felt ‘safer’ than asexuality.

Then finally, started IDing as Agender again, still transmasc, he/him pronouns, still on T, still ‘medically transitioning’. Plus, I pulled my head out of my ass and stopped trying to label my sexuality on what I think is ‘less fucked up’ and actually label my actual orientation.

I still definitely struggle severely with hating my sexuality. My nervous system and cardiovascular system make sure that whenever its even mentioned my heartrate spikes and chest physically hurts and it doesn’t appear to plan on getting better any time soon. So that’s that. But at least I’m not trying to put a bandaid on feeling fucked up anymore.

tl;dr: I ided as everything but aro/ace for a long time because I thought aro/ace was bad and broken and fucked up because i first learned about it through someone calling someone who ided as aro/ace as bad and broken and fucked up.

3) This is kind of a short one after that massive fucking rant but I get misgendered a lot and usually I just fucking ignore it lmao

[probably-enjolras]

do you have any trans!marius headcanons?

why yes, yes i do!

marius always hated the way he was forced to dress and act when he was seen as a girl. he especially hated the way his father would force it on him and refuse to let him even be slightly masculine. his grandfather was a place of refuge until he died, and marius decided to leave his family to go be himself.

once he left, he kinda didn’t know what to do. he went to courfeyrac who let him move in, and they did research together. marius wasn’t really ready to be out yet, he just knew who he was and needed to have the space to explore that, so courfeyrac ends up going to enjolras (known out and proud trans man) and asks him “hypothetical” questions on marius’ behalf

marius still has a lot of internalized transphobia and when he’s brought to the meetings for the first time, some of that comes out and oh boy, the rest of the amis are having none of it. this is my modern trans au version of combeferre shutting marius down with “to be free”. but they don’t really go too hard on him, especially because most of them had come from upper class backgrounds and had to unlearn their own bigotry and ignorance, and he’s really trying to figure himself out, not cause harm to people

marius has a slight sexuality crisis along with his gender identity. before cosette, he never was interested in women, and when he was a “girl” he was “straight” because he only liked men, but now that he’s come to term with the fact that he’s a man, does that make him gay? but gay doesn’t seem to fit him properly even though by definition it would be what he is. once he meets cosette and experiments with the label bisexual, he feels a lot better. (BI MARIUS SUPREMACY) still some peak marius pontmercy anguish tho, he’s nothing if not dramatic.

marius is afraid of taking his t shot so cosette does it for him. he’s a brave guy, but only in the spur of the moment. a scheduled time to inject himself with a needle is not spontaneous. he can’t look, and even after years of being on t, cosette still has to give him a kiss and tell him he did good afterwards.

marius isn’t as strict with his pronouns as you might think. he’s kinda ok with everything as long as it’s not she/her. while he likes he/him the most, he wouldn’t correct someone who used they/them or a neopronoun. it doesn’t cause him dysphoria or euphoria, it’s just kinda nothing. this confuses enjolras to no end, but enjolras knows that everyone has a different experience with gender and isn’t gonna fight marius on this.

speaking of, marius and enjolras have more in common than people think. they’re both from upper class families who had to sever ties with them when they wanted to be themselves and ended up friends with courfeyrac who introduced them to more accepting people and they both believe in the spirit of the revolution. they just express themselves so differently and their political views are different enough that it can cause arguments and they have different sexual and romantic orientations. pointing this out to enjolras is a sure fire way to get a pointed bitch face.