#I think probably you can fly under the radar until a certain point

[noisytenant]

Are you like even allowed to read a book aloud on stream. Does anyone care. I think that'd be good

[pinnithin-writes]

May 27

I should probably talk about why I sought out a tapeworm.

I’m not an idiot. I did my research and I know the health risks. But the thing is, only a few people have ever actually died from this diet. Near death experiences are more common, sure, but that’s sort of the whole point of dieting. You’re stress-testing your body against the functions it evolved to keep you from starving. Deprive it of food and it goes into survival mode.

You’re trying to kill yourself. That’s the whole point. It works out pretty well for me, because even though I’m not suicidal anymore, the thought of brushing against death every once in a while is kind of thrilling. It started with intermittent fasting, which worked back in high school, and I just kind of pushed it from there to see how far I could go. And honestly, only one of those diets put me in the hospital (check your dosage if you’re taking sedatives to avoid eating, kids) so it’s sort of turned into this twofold risk - how dangerous can I get, and how long can I get away with it before my parents notice. The tapeworm is obviously the next step on the echelon.

It’s gotten easier to fly under the radar since I moved to Berkeley. I can do what I want here without worrying about Mom pathologizing everything I do, or Dad noticing I’m avoiding food I usually enjoy. Their attention is mostly on Audrey now, anyway - she’s worse than me. She’s out at UCLA developing an alcohol addiction and putting herself in dangerous situations that are way more visible than mine.

When I was still at home and she was a freshman in college, I once made a joke that Mom and Dad should start taking bets on whether she calls from Planned Parenthood or jail next. Mom glared at me, but she didn’t correct me, either. 

Anyway, I know better than to draw that kind of attention to myself. My older sister is the daredevil, so I’ve had to find more subtle ways to get my kicks, because god forbid we have two problem children in the family. 

Sometimes I wonder if I’d have more friends if I did what Audrey did. People would probably think I was more exciting, at least. But I don’t dress or talk loud, I don’t take social risks, and I don’t leave my room unless something makes me. I don’t seek out other people’s company for sex or friendship. I just wait around until the perversely curious gravitate in my direction, and then are so caught up in their morbid fascination with me they can’t look away. Or they get nauseous and leave, which is much more common. 

And it’s not like I can go around bragging about the fact that I wound up in the hospital once because I overdosed on sleeping pills. People don’t want to hear about that, they want to hear about the time you blacked out and woke up in your driveway wearing someone else’s clothes. Socially acceptable self destruction. There’s a certain glamor to it.

The tapeworm situation is a little different, because now I have a witness to my misdeeds. Well, that’s not quite accurate. An accomplice. Every time I feel it move, I’m reminded that I’m not alone in this risk I’ve taken, and instead of expressing a loved one’s concern I so often cringe away from, it relishes in the risk every time I share food with it. Sometimes I can feel its glee as if it’s my own, seeking that thrill like a sugar rush. 

A Helminthic Romance

Short story about a girl who falls in love with her intestinal parasite, told through entries in the narrator's journal.

[Posting these in short installments in conjunction with the the dates of the journal entries.]

Read on Ao3

May 13

I felt it move inside me this morning.

I was warned of the symptoms. That is, I warned myself with some conscientious online research. Some discomfort is to be expected. Abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, insomnia, malnutrition - I know what I’m getting into. I took the pill in March and anticipated I’d start feeling the effects by now, but I hadn’t expected to feel it move.

I was standing at the coffee pot, measuring grounds into the filter. I only drink it black now, which kind of sucks, but there are fewer steps to making it at least. But I wasn’t doing anything especially exciting, and it chose that moment to stir in my gut.

I’m not sure how to describe it. It lurched, but it’s not big enough to lurch. It squirmed, but it’s not yet long enough to squirm. It just… moved. Like how a human infant will turn its head and stare at movement that fascinates it, uncomprehending but its attention held. That’s what it felt like. I’d done something to catch the worm’s attention, and it raised its head, as much as it was able to, somewhere unseen in my digestive tract. Just a small movement, observing but uncomprehending. 

Much like you can’t give caffeine to a baby, I wondered if I could, in good conscience, give caffeine to a newly born tapeworm. What would that do to it? I don’t want to do anything to hurt it - not this early in its development. I mean, I took it for a reason, and if I killed it before it did its job, or damaged its ability to do its job, then that would kind of defeat the whole point of this experiment.

I got the pill online. It was surprisingly cheap - only 35 dollars. The seller informed me that the egg would hatch inside me and it would take a few months for the tapeworm to reach maturity. As it grew, it would eat everything I ate, growing in size until it was no longer sustainable for it to live inside me. The pill came in a set of two - one to birth the worm and the other to kill it. I’m supposed to take the second pill once I’ve either reached an acceptable weight or the tapeworm becomes too uncomfortable to live with, whichever comes first. 

I’ve thought about naming it, now that I can feel it, but I think that’ll only make it harder to kill once I’ve reached my weight goal. I ended up drinking the coffee. People put coffee grounds in their compost bins and it doesn’t kill their worms, so this shouldn’t be any different.

But I mostly just wanted to stop drinking it black. I took some of Gina’s french vanilla creamer. Who knows, maybe the worm will like it. I know I did.

[animeyanderelover]

Can I request Daiki, Satori, Kuroo, Rouge, Urie, and Hitsuguya with an s/o who realizes that they are dating a yandere and decides to talk it out with them and at the end says as long as you do not kidnap me, hurt me, do not hurt my friends and family, and do not withhold cuddles. This is fine.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, obsession, possessive behavior, stalking, delusion, clinginess, manipulation, overprotective behavior, threats

This is fine

Kuki Urie

🖤He's not exactly flying under the radar with his particularly intense behavior, especially his jealousy, his protective and possessive side. Urie puts his darling above everyone and everything else, they are the only good thing left in this world for him. When you one day ask him to sit down with you, he has automatically a bad feeling. The words "we need to talk" are never a good sign in a relationship, his body language instantly grows tense yet he does as his s/o tells him and sits down. He's quiet at first although his jaw is clenched. Once you start to tell him that you've realized that his behavior shows quite obsessed signs, including his sometimes controlling streak and not even to mention his jealousy. He's quite adament to protest, Urie has pretty much deluded himself into thinking that all is done for your safety. He despises the direction this talk is going to.

🖤​That is until you add to the beginning certain conditions you'd want him to follow and as long as he does, you're completely fine with his overbearing behavior. He shuts his trap for a while after and just gives you a indecipherable look before indignation flares up inside of him. As glad as he is that you didn't want to break up with him, he doesn't like the fact that you just put him in an archetype of the typical crazy Yandere. He likes to think that he is above something like that, he'd never hurt someone close to you and he'd rather die than hurt you. Obviously he denies it, he's delusional so of course he sees nothing as wrong. Just in case, Kuki keeps a closer eye on you the following days though, a bit paranoid that you might try to fool him. He doesn't try to cool his attitude down either, he stays the same.

Tetsurō Kuroo

⚫​Kuroo can keep himself quite well under restrictions regarding his obsession, so much more because he is aware and feels partially guilty for it. You'd have to be a pretty good observer or catch him in one of his darker moments to get the idea that something is going on with him. Obviously he's worried when you ask him if you two can have a talk but he tries to remain relaxed as good as he can in the beginning. He's shocked when you admit that you've realized that he's a bit too obsessed with you though, you can see it on his face that turns for a short moment blank. Kuroo pretty much expects you to want to break up with him now, from a logical point he can understand it. He tries to brainstorm ideas though how to talk himself out of this situation. He's unable to let his sweetheart leave him just like that, is a bit scared what he might do then.

⚫​He's even more shocked when you suddenly explain rules to him and that you'd like to stay as a couple as long as he follows them. Do you seriously try to make a deal with him right now in regards of his obsession? He's a bit amused, amazed and concerned about this. The lack of worries you have despite knowing the truth is a bit strange, he probably can't help but ask you if you're serious. When you nod, he can't help but laugh a bit awkwardly out of a lack of another response. Now that you know it anyways, he probably even opens up a bit more. Sure, he tries to tiptoe his way around certain topics but is at the very least honest when he tells you that he'll never hurt those you cherish or you. He's unsure and most likely observes you for a while after to see if you truly meant it. He reverts back to acting as normal as he can when with you though.

Satori Tendou

❤️​He knows that he tends to be more creepy as it is so he is heavily insecure around you during the first few weeks in a relationship, tries to tone his clinginess and intimidating behavior when he's jealous or threatens someone down. Tendou has a severe fear of being left by you due to his overall strange tendencies so his heart drops for a short moment when you suddenly want to talk with him about something important. He's awkward and uncomfortable from the very beginning and once you dive into your observations, he wants to shrink away. He just assumes naturally that you want to leave him now since you think that he's creepy. Feels more and more ashamed of himself the longer you tell him what you've seen and deduced, he even starts to feel like crying a bit although he tries to push his tears back.

❤️​The moment you make him the offer though, his head snaps back up and he just looks at you half-confused and half-hopeful. By the end he is weirdly happy and relieved and feels a bit ashamed for feeling this way. He shouldn't feel glad that you still love him and are fine but he can't help it. Tendou feels even weirdly flattered to know that you still love him despite his overall creppy and stalkerish behavior. He's still skittish and insecure, most likely more clingy just to be completely sure. Once Tendou has the intuition that you really meant what you said, he grows even more doting and sweet. His love multiplies somehow even more with the knowledge that you actually accept him as he is. He grows more secure and confident and it shows in his increasing affection he shows you. He doesn't have to hide his love anymore.

Daiki Aomine

💙​Daiki is intense, he's not only highly protective but also very possessive, tends to be more vicious when someone messes with his s/o. He doesn't want to intimidate his darling though, acts very sweet when towards them although very touchy and affectionate. Whilst he is aware, he doesn't really care much about his behavior. He only wants you and keep you safe after all. He already has a conflicted look on his face when his s/o suddenly insists that they want to talk with him and the conflict only grows once you start talking about his intense behavior. Honestly, Aomine knew that there was a risk of being caught since he has troubles regulating his short and aggressive temper. He panics a bit since he absolutely can't allow you to leave him but his mind goes sort of blank when he tries to come up with an excuse. He knows it'll be hard to deny your words.

💙​He's just very happy and glad when you actually admit that you're fine with his antics as long as he doesn't hurt you or your close friends and family. The tension just sort of leaves him and he reacts pretty relaxed after that. Aomine won't really worry that you're fine, just agrees with your offer even if he is more vehement to insist that he'd never lay a finger on you. Aomine grows more loving and affectionate to his darling after their confession as well, adores them only more for their acceptance. Momoi is likely to find out and is the only part concerned about Aomine's obsession and your indifference towards it but can't do anything since she wants both of you to be happy. He's never been one to hide this side of his really so he won't really try to be less intense either.

Rogue Cheney

🌑​Rogue is especially careful about how he acts when he's with his darling precisely because he is all too lucid about his obsession. He's quite calm so he manages good even if he sometimes ends up being more manipulative when his protective side is triggered. He's a bit more introverted and shy in the relationship but still tries to make his darling as happy as possible. He keeps a neutral expression on his face the moment you want to sit down and have a word with him about something. He doesn't want to think about the worst case scenario instantly but when you start talking about his peculiar behavior that you've noticed, he starts panicking on the inside. It is the worst case scenario and he's shocked how much you've noticed, goes a bit pale and feels highly ashamed of you knowing so much. Blames himself for not being more careful too.

🌑​Rogue tries to figure out something as fast as possible, is left dumbfounded though when you start making suggestions for him. He did not expect you to react so...lax about the whole ordeal of him being your stalker. He's concered, literally has a small talk with you after where he ends up asking you why you react so serene about this discovery. He refuses to feel completely happy even if he can't suppress his slight relief but is more conflicted the following days. Still unable to wrap his head around your chilled reaction, Rogue is a bit more warily than usual. He doesn't have to say anything against your rules since those are principles he wants to go by anyways but he doesn't know how to act with you now. You're quick to notice that and often have to reassure him. Despite still lingering guilt, he starts feeling more comfortable after a while though.

Hitsugaya Toshiro

❄️​Toshiro is a mature person so he definitely knows about his unhealthy obsession regarding his s/o and it leads him to inner conflicts at times. He doesn't want to slip up anywhere even if he is more protective and more strict at times with his s/o but otherwise he manages to fly under the radar well enough. Stops doing whatever he was doing at the moment when his darling asks him for some time since they have something important to talk about. Your serious expression alarms him but he takes some time, even if he is doing some work at the moment. The look on his face is even more serious than the one of his s/o and his eyebrows only furrow more when you start talking about his sometimes more controlling behavior. He's somewhat disappointed that you still noticed despite his best efforts to hide it, plots at the same time how to proceed now.

❄️​Hitsugaya is perplexed the moment you start making offers to him, your previously serious expression melting away whilst he can only raise an eyebrow with a ever so slightly flabbergasted expression. He didn't expect you to be so laid-back about the topic, definitely asks if you've really fully grasped the situation regarding his obsession. Honestly, he's more confused than anything right now about your peculiar accepting behavior. The moment you actually admit to him that you still love him a lot, he tries his best to hide his flustered state. He shouldn't feel happy about this right now yet he still does. You both come to the same terms in the end even if this unexpected twist bothers him for a while after. There is this uncertainty that stays for a while with him, he's torn part between being relieved and a bit weirded out by your acceptance.

[ashdumpsterpile]

I know you talk abou st*cky in the interracial ships stuff, but can we talk about st*ny? Iron husbands is literally right there, but I also always sees Rhodey as Tonys moral support only. And ik Tony is very shippable with most characters, but the fact his ship is Rhodey is one of the lowest ships in ao3 (ironstrange, winteriron and god forbid stark*r all had more fics in ao3).. It's pretty telling this side also has racism problems...

I'll go ahead and answer this here, but letting y'all know that I do have a marvel sideblog if you want to hit me up there (@themarvelarchives).

Hey, I'm going to ramble for a good minute.

So after I posted my very incoherent, controversial take on St*cky vs SamBucky, there were a ton of ppl who came onto anon saying that St*cky shippers were racist. I think I only answered a few, but y'all were pretty insistent on it. I personally have not observed that St*cky shippers are so I'm not calling anyone out on that side of the fandom for that.

I also did not call out anyone on this side of the fandom bc that's not what my meta was about. I think I mentioned maybe once or twice in the whole post that there was underlying racist in the fandom, but since you asked, we can talk about it here.

Covert Bigotry In Fandom Spaces.

To understand what's going on in the MCU, we have to first look at what I call "woke-queer" fandom.

So "Woke-Queer" Spaces is the phenomenon where certain fandom members like to call ppl out on their bigotry, while covertly harboring their own queerphobia/racism/etc. An example of this that we're all familiar with is TERFS and how they like to claim that they are progressive and woke, while also claiming that trans women are fake and trans men are sexist.

How this translates to fandom, however, is the hypocrisy that is cancellation and callout culture.

For example, Supernatural in particular is a fandom that likes to call out the writers on their homophobia and racism, and yet, somehow, the fandom is chalk full of homophobia and racism. If you want to read more about this, here is a truly excellent article from the perspective of a queer woman of color.

Moving on, I've also talked in a previous meta post, on the internalized acephobia that exploded in 2019 after Good Omens was released. Rather than reiterate everything I said in that post, I'll just leave it at this: the controversy in the Good Omens fandom can be summed up by the fact that queer audiences are claiming that Ineffable Husbands is the wrong kind of queer. The hypocrisy oozes off the screen, doesn't it?

A final way this viably translates to fandom, is in how the Doctor Who fandom evolved over time.

So Steven Moffat takes over as head writer and showrunner in 2010. It's a new series, a new Doctor, a new Tardis, and new branding. He steps up the action, changes the color grating, and raises the stakes. Women are sexier, the Doctor is smarter (and more of an asshole, but that's another meta post), and every companion comes with their own impossible mystery that makes them Special™.

Series 5-10 got tons of woke points for having lesbian characters, an episode where the Doctor is homoerotic with James Corden, and an underlying trans narrative with the Master's reincarnation. What a lot of people forget, however, is that his series was incredibly sexiest, incredibly lesbian/biphobic, and basically turned the Doctor into everyone's fantasy sex-object.

This, unfortunately, brought out the worst of the fandom. There was RTD Era vs Moffat Era wars exploding in certain corners, TenxRose shippers vs ElevenxRiver shippers.

What does this have to do with covert racism in fandom cultures though?

Hnnngng ok, so back in RTD era's we get Martha Jones, the Actual Best Companion On The Entire Show. Except for the fact, of course, that she is written to be in love with the doctor. She's a brilliant character--smart, sassy, flawed, funny, flirtatious--and her entire plotline is reduced down to a school-girl crush on a white man.

She doesn't do well with fans, they scrap her after one season.

We move on to Donna Noble (The Other Actual Best Companion On The Entire Show) and RTD's era ends with them scraping her too and regenerating David Tennant's Doctor.

It will be five more series (not seasons, SERIES) until Doctor Who will have another black companion--who gets extra points for being gay--only to fall victim to "bury your gays" at the end of the season (but not really bc no one stays dead on Doctor Who).

The fandom's reception of Martha Jones was historically bad. The comparisons to her predecessor, Rose Tyler, were rampant and everyone was finding a reason to hate her.

The fandom's reception to Bill Potts was also historically bad, as everyone was screaming that she was being written for more "woke points" and that they wanted Clara back.

Fandom has a historically bad reputation of being problematic and, I would argue, the majority of it has to do with these toxic undertones of bigotry that slip under the radar. "Woke-queer" spaces, as I call them, are these instances above where spaces that claim to be inclusive of gender/orientation/race are covertly bigoted.

Marvel and Cancelling

Now is an excellent time to talk about the MCU.

Anthony Mackie (Sam Wilson) has recently come under a lot of criticism from fandom members for shutting down shipper speculation.

"The idea of two guys being friends and loving each other in 2021 is a problem because of the exploitation of homosexuality. [...] something as pure and beautiful as homosexuality has been exploited by people who are trying to rationalize themselves."

I can't find the rest of the quote, but Mackie goes on further to say that it was important to him to portray "a sensitive, masculine figure" without insinuating that there was romance involved.

Woke culture lost it's shit. Everyone was suddenly claiming that Mackie was calling them exploitative for shipping a gay ship as a queer audience, which could not have been further from the case.

Mackie actually makes some very excellent points in that sensitivity is not gay/queer. Woke culture loves to rag on Toxic Masculinity, but the minute someone plays a character who is loving and sensitive with no queer narrative in mind, they are immediately canceled.

What Am I On About

Okay, let's actually address what your ask was about, Nonnie. You pointed out--rather truthfully--that it is unfair to call-out racism on one side of the fandom, while ignoring it on the other side.

Well, I've gone back through my St*cky vs. SamBucky analysis (which is incoherent at best, I apologize for that) and I see maybe once instance where I called out fandom members for being racist. Here's what I had to say about racism:

"[...] Iron Husbands is a rarepair, probably because it’s an interracial ship."

"[there is] nothing wrong with shipping two white men, but it does become a problem when you ignore/bash POC/interracial ships to the determinant of your own white ship."

And then there was the post you brought up where I addressed interracial ships in the fandom. That one is probably more relevant to this topic, to be honest, as I actually addressed fandom racism there. I assume that your reason for bringing up Stony is because it's a ship that is more relevant to my side of the fandom, HOWEVER, the reason I highlighted Stucky instead was because I was comparing the fact that they've both been around the same amount of time and are relationships that feature the protagonist and their best friend.

You brought up St*ny in the ask, however, so I'm going to talk about St*ny for a minute.

As someone who never has nor will ship St*ny, it never even occurred to me that some of the problem behind the Iron Husbands tag being so small is because everyone ships the white, boring ship. You brought up a very valid point, but because I was never in that part of the fandom, I can't really speak to any possible underlying racism there, besides what I've already said above.

I would be interested in hearing a St*ony shipper or ex-St*ony shippers thought on this, but sadly I don't know any. If you have any more thoughts regarding this, Nonnie, pls drop back into my inbox.

You do make some excellent points in this ask though, and I would like to talk about racism on my side of the fandom.

So back to Mackie and his Twitter cancellation. Notice that Disney made him address the rumors and not his co-star, Sebastian Stan. Anthony Mackie is put on blast and made to answer fan demands and receives backlash, while Sebastian Stan gets to fly under the rader. This is not, by the way, a criticism of Stan, but instead of the blatant racism Disney has been displaying over the past few years.

How this ties in with the rest of my post has to do with my "woke-queer" spaces bit. The outcry across the MCU fandom over Mackie was swift and unforgiving. He was cancelled on charges of homophobia and bigotry--all the while these same fans turn a blind eye to any queer interpretation of other interracial ships and discourse in their own fandom.

The racism that I'm speaking about, of course, is an almost passive racism. Of course if you don't ship a specific ship for reasons other than their race, it's perfectly fine. It's okay not to ship Iron Husbands or SamBucky or any other interracial fandom ships. However, the distinct lack of shippers in the fandom IS telling because there are people who would ship that exact ship if not for the fact that one of men is black.

I don't have much more to say about this except to thank you for bringing it up and for listening to my long rambling post.

(Feel free to bug me about Tony Stark, MCU ships, MCU Meta and anything you want to talk me about on this blog and @themarvelarchives.)

[crashingmeteorz]

it’s the ba sing se bimbos, back again (jinjetsongko). here’s some stupid stunts these ridiculous kids would pull:

mixing the dangerous herbs and serums song and her mother have. they all get accidentally high one day. fortunately they do it at zuko’s apartment, so when iroh comes home and finds them tripping he just gives them calming tea and amuses himself by asking them philosophical questions.

“what is the meaning of life?” iroh asks them. “fruit pies,” song says very seriously. “FREEDOM!!” jet roars. “being the sexiest person in the room at all times,” jin says. zuko says nothing, because he’s too busy crying and hugging iroh and telling him he loves him.

“what do you think the meaning of life is, mushi?” song asks. “life is what you make of it,” iroh tells them. “personally, i find meaning in doing what i love, and spending time with the people i love. this evening, for example, is very meaningful to me.”

of course, since none of them have fathers, they all join zuko in crying and telling iroh they love him.

at some point, jin adopts a wild injured pygmy puma, who she calls sho, and is furious that he takes an immediate liking to zuko over her.

sho becomes their mascot, and also a fat lazy house cat since they all pamper him endlessly, but one day he goes missing.

they track him down to a butcher shop (similar to the one momo almost got chopped up in), release all the live animals, and somehow manage to set a fire in the process. song and jet assume between the grease and the heat and the commotion, it was bound to happen. but jin caught zuko’s look of rage when he saw sho crying in a cage. she knows who started the fire.

she’s not a snitch, though, and obviously she’s glad to have her pet back, so jin just keeps up the whole grease fire thing. plus, zuko’s such an awkward dweeb that she figures he really needs his some kind of deep dark secret to stay even A Little Bit Cool, so she lets him have it.

they don’t really stir the attention of the dai li since they mostly cause (and sometimes solve) problems in the lower ring, and while zuko and song are happy to fly under the radar, this just infuriates jet and jin. they want attention, damn it!

so they end up planning increasingly ridiculous heists in the upper ring. jewelry store underpaying their laborers? robbed and tagged as a scam. fancy government official is selling secrets to the fire nation? so sad, too bad, the guy goes missing but he leaves a chopped-off finger behind. children are being stolen and sold to wealthy buyers in the upper ring, eager to show off their “rescued” babies? the whole thing is exposed and kids are reunited with their families.

somehow, they still only barely get the dai li’s attention (probably because they’re too busy keeping tabs on the avatar). zuko has a talk with jet about thinking things through. this is the only thing that gets jin and jet to chill out because ZUKO using words like “irrational” and “risky” seriously is the wake-up call of the century.

(at this point, i could see the story going one of two ways: 1. life continues as normal for the friends, and jet learns his lesson, or 2. jin backs off but jet continues to go bigger and more extreme until he gets kidnapped by the dai li. he thinks he has a plan, until he gets brainwashed.)

(song, zuko, and jin notice primarily because he disappears for a bit. this isn’t unheard of, but as the days creep into a week they get worried. when he comes back, he’s just...weird. it’s definitely worth investigating. song and her mother use some herbal medicine to clear jet’s mind, and discover just how sinister the dai li is. obviously, they have to get revenge and figure out what’s going on. maybe they even run across a certain lost bison on their trip to lake laogai.)

other (happier) shenigans include: visiting the zoo and all of them being soft for the animals, accidentally starting a self-defense club for kids in the lower ring, and separately meeting different members of the gaang.

song meets katara while they’re both out at the market, and, in proper teenage girl fashion, they compliment each other’s outfits. they chat by the fruit for a while, song mentions how dealing with teenage boys can be annoying and katara’s just like tell me about it! then katara mentions she’s a healer, and obviously she and song geek out over techniques and medicines they can both use to supplement their efforts in the future. it’s a very wholesome encounter.

jin meets sokka and flirts her butt off. he’s funny and cute and a little awkward, but he tells her he’s got a thing with another girl. jin tells him she’s very lucky, and he says “actually, i’m the lucky one, she’s the leader of the kyoshi warriors!” and jin just flips out. the kyoshi warriors are her heroes. she used to want to run away and join them. holy shit dude DO YOU KNOW HOW COOL YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS??? and sokka’s just like i know! she’s amazing! and they spend half an hour talking about suki.

zuko meets toph, who vaguely recognizes his voice, but never really got an explanation about who he was, and since his uncle’s really cool, she doesn’t really care about the incident in the ghost town. zuko was so distraught over iroh at the time that he had barely even noticed toph (plus, even if she does look kind of familiar, that extremely powerful earthbender couldn’t have been a 12-year-old blind girl, right? right??) she compliment iroh’s tea-making ability, but admits she doesn’t really get the art herself.

“thank you!” zuko says, because someone else gets it - it’s just tea! then he blushes a little at his outburst and gets back to work. she chats with iroh some more before thanking him for the tea and leaving, and zuko lowkey thinks she’s really funny, and as she leaves she says “it was nice to see you again, mushi! well. hear you. i can’t see anything.” and zuko cracks up in spite of himself. (once zuko joins team avatar, their disaster-rich-kid-solidarity comes out in full force).

jet meets aang (again) but it’s via the graffiti he paints on the walls of the upper ring. it says stuff like “division is oppression” and “mr. earth king, tear down this wall!” and aang replies whole-heartedly, with something like “that’s what i’ve been saying! also this place is weird. have you lived here long? i’m aang bumi. i am called bumi. after the famous king. not the earth king. the other one. most importantly, i am not related to the avatar at all.”

i imagine sokka helped him write it, and since we all know they go into Stupid Mode when they’re together there’s a lot of crossed-out lines and rewrites.

jet responds by talking at length about the “resistance”, and aang’s just like “oh cool! power to the people! but also peace and love!” and jet thinks it’s dorky but he also is like “oh my god this kid is so stupid. when i find this idiot child i am going to teach him to about the revolution and then i’m going to protect him with my life.”

i like to think they all join team avatar, eventually, but the first meeting is just:

katara: song! why are you with zuko?

song: zuko? no, this is jet.

sokka: no, that’s jet! THATS zuko! he’s the prince of the fire nation!

jin, knowing full well zuko’s a firebender and suddenly panicking: he’s the what

jet: you think LEE is the prince of the fire nation? he couldn’t even lead this friend group.

toph: are we talking about mushi’s nephew?

aang: who the heck is mushi???

song: excuse me, all due respect, because you’re the avatar and it’s an honor, but please don’t talk about mushi in that tone.

sokka: oh it’s an hONOR IS IT????

zuko: (banging his head against a wall)

credit for this au as always to the awesome @azenkii

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[bgonemydear]

tagged by @ambpersand! How many works do you have on AO3?

11, which I had forgot that I wrote that many?

What’s your total AO3 word count?

44,316

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Two so far that are published - Arrow and The 100. Currently working on a dramione fic that may or may not ever see the light of day.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

the native hue of resolution, the pale cast of thought  (the 100, monty/miller)

Jupiter (the 100, bellarke)

it takes a village (the 100, bellarke)

Something to Tweet About (the 100, bravenlarke)

in case I stand one little chance (the 100, clarke/raven)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

It’s honestly been so long since I’ve written fic that I cannot remember? I think I did? Every once in a while I’ll get a comment on an old fic and feel bad that I don’t respond to it but I also just tend to avoid looking at any fics I’ve published in the past.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm... I don’t really do angst endings I don’t think? I would probably have to go with my bravenlarke pacific rim fusion I guess.

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Pretty much only the bravenlarke pacific rim fusion! I don’t think I would be interested in writing crossovers, honestly.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope, I pretty much fly under the radar which is nice, tbh.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Not explicitly, and honestly I’ve only written very brief bits in the past. I may or may not be expanding on that in the future though, who knows?

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, again see: flying under the radar.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

See above answer.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

I think I would have to go with dramione at this point. It’s been in my life for at least 15 years and I tend to just come back to it again and again. 

Whats a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

*looks at google doc for touch starved!draco fic currently at 15k* *looks at calendar and sees two weeks till grad school starts back up*

Who’s to say?

What are your writing strengths?

I would say plotting out a full fic and dialogue are my strengths. Beyond that I’m GREAT at editing. The plotting and one off dialogues are part of why I enjoy being a beta when I get the chance to work with another writer. 

What are your writing weaknesses?

The actual follow through of writing the fic tbh. I’m always nervous that my writing can be too concise for fic and that it doesn’t convey the emotion I want it to. I like the plot points that guide a fic, but filling in between those is a struggle.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Haven’t done it! Probably too nervous to try, tbh.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Arrow, which was my only fic for it, and I think (if I remember correctly) it was a Sara/Felicity/Oliver fic entirely written out of spite for them killing Sara off in the 3rd season. 

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

My minty fic, the native hue of resolution, the pale cast of thought. It was partly inspired by a WTNV quote ("We do not have answers. I am not certain that we even have questions.") and partly inspired by a tumblr post that headcanoned Miller to be a Shakespeare nerd. It gripped my brain and would not leave until I wrote it, and it contains one of my favorite lines I’ve written as well: “Apparently you could take the people out of the failing Ark, but you couldn’t take the failings of the Ark out of the people.”

I’ll tag @ponyregrets, @peacefulboo, @hawthornewhisperer, and @itsactuallycorrine!

[kimberly-spirits13]

Body Guard

Pairing: Dick Grayson x reader

Synopsis: You were raised in a different kind of house hold. Every first- born woman in a new generation was gifted the ability of witch craft, and every 10th birthday, you were given a marking that stated what your job would be. You, for some odd reason got body guard. Well, after developing these powers and combat skills you popped up on the Young Justice team’s radar and now, 4 years later, as if the life wasn’t crazy enough, you were falling for a certain young, energetic protégé of the one and only Batman.

Note: Y/G/M/N= Your Grandmother’s Name   Y/N= Your Name.  Y/N/N= Your Nickname

Warnings: Language

Word Count: 1832

           You opened up your laptop on your bed and was answering a few messages and emails from Robin and a few clients. You smiled at some of the things that he had to say concerning a certain Witch Boy that really didn’t like you at all. See, you were raised in a house of witches, and then your dad who really didn’t know what he was getting himself into marrying and falling in love with your mother. Then, they had you who was now a body guard. Weird right?

           It was your day off from work, however, you were still needed or really just wanted at the cave. You decided based off of the fact that your last job working for a mega famous politician kicked your ass, you were going to have a nice free day and chill for the most part.

           “Y/N!” Your father called from downstairs.

           “Yeah?” You replied getting up and walking to the ledge of the opening of the hall that looked down towards the foyer.

           “Burgers are ready.” He smiled seeing you.

           “Gotcha, I’ll be down in a sec.” You went back into your bedroom and shut off your laptop and lights, grabbing your cell phone.

           After you were out of the room, you walked down the stairs and through the living room into the kitchen to get your food. Your grandmother and mother were making sweet potato fries and salad when you got another notification on your phone. It was from Robin.

           “You coming to the cave tonight?” He asked.

           “Debating it.” You replied smiling some.

           “We haven’t seen you in four days because of your last job and you’re debating coming to see us???” He responded quickly.

           “I seemed to have ruin your aster.”

           “Uhhh yeah, we miss you at the cave.” You blushed some at the text message before your grandmother spoke up.

           “Your aura is indicating a romance Y/N.” Your cheeks flushed bright red as you looked at her wide eyed, “Who has piqued my granddaughter’s interest?”

           “No one Y/G/M/N.” You lied.

           “Y/N don’t lie to your grand mom, I know, I can see it in your eyes. Ah, young love, how sweet.” She laughed some at the end seeing your reaction.

           “Y/G/M/N! Stop!” You laughed some still blushing and putting your phone away before Artemis texted you.

           “Robin told me that you’re debating coming to the cave. So help me Y/N/N I will come to your house and drag you to the cave if you don’t come on.” Your best friend threatened.

           “Finneeee.” You sent, “I’ll come after supper. See you then Arty 😊.”

           “Yessss! Finallyyy” She responded.

“I knew that that would convince you.” Robin texted suddenly.

“How’d you know? Are you stalking me? Lol” You sent.

“No, no, Artemis texted me.” He replied.

“You guys are killing me.” You rolled your eyes, “Anyways, see you later Birdy.”

“You promise?” Robin asked.

“Witch’s honor.” You answered, “And I have had my life threatened for the ninth time this week.”

“Wow, a record.” He sent, “See you later Y/N/N.”

“You too Boy Wonder.”

You put your phone up and ate supper with your family. It was getting kind of late after a while of sitting around the bon fire by the pool outside. Your young brother was called inside to take a bath and since your mother, grand mom, and brother were all quick to go to sleep at night, it left you a chance to change into your suit and leave.

“Y/N are you going to the HQ tonight?” Your father asked.

He was the only one in your family that knew of your hero life since you didn’t want your kid brother getting involved and the rest of them to worry about you, but your father eventually figured it out.

“I am, but I don’t plan on going on a mission unless it becomes necessary.” You answered heading up the stairs to change.

“Alright, just tell me when you get to the HQ.” He instructed before giving you a hug and kiss goodnight.

You ran upstairs to your bedroom and then typed a code on your mirror that no one knew was an actual door into your second closet. A hidden room was the best way that you figured you could hide your things from well, everyone. You stepped in, shutting the mirror door behind you and getting changed and suited up. Your suit was a black and grey catsuit with side holsters and a black leather cropped jacket. You put on your utility belt and put your mask that covered the bottom half of your face up and putting your swords into their proper place.

Stepping quickly onto the balcony of your room, you went invisible and then lifted off with a simple spell and headed towards the boom tubes located in Washington DC. You climbed in and then texted your father that you had made it as you stepped out into the cave. It was quite when you entered at first before hearing some commotion and then that little laugh that Robin does before he dropped in front of you.        

“Finally, I thought you’d never show.” You guys embraced some before Artemis came running in and practically tackled you.

“Arty calm down!” You laughed some.

“You haven’t been here in 4 days! I can’t be calm.” Artemis said letting go.

You saw the rest of the team around and greeted them, M giving you a hug.        

Artemis insisted on a movie night, so, that is what happened. Everyone gathered around the tv and you and started watching whatever movie was wanted the most. The movie had ended and eventually everyone started either going home or going to their rooms. You promised Artemis that you would be there tomorrow before she also left to head back to Gotham. After you had thought that everyone was gone, you decided to train by yourself some.

The last few days had taken their toll as you literally almost died like 6+ times after a few crude comments made by your client. It made you so furious at him, however, you had to finish your job. The fact that he would say that he was untouchable and no low life bastard could get to him and then he blamed you for being attacked made your blood boil. You eventually beat the level that you were on, so consumed by your thoughts that you did more damage than expected and then almost jumped out of your skin when you heard Robin behind you.

“I saw what happened on the news. Are you alright? You seem on edge?” He asked concerned.  

You jumped and then clutched your chest dramatically, “I-I’m fine.” You chucked some, “Just a bit worked up.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” He smiled some, “I was furious when I saw what happened. He put your life in extreme danger after all.” “I could tell from the news reports that you were probably enraged as well.”            “Yeah no kidding.” You replied, “I mean I did end up black listing him but seriously.”

“Well, now that you have all of this energy, wanna spar?” Robin asked.

“Sure.” You answered.

The two of you waited for the first strike which came from Robin’s side first. You dodged him and sent him flying backwards before he landed gracefully on his feet.

“Honestly it was the first job that I was ever really nervous about everything.” You admitted to him knowing that it was okay to talk to him about that kind of thing.

He gave what you saw, even through the mask as a look of understanding.

“I mean I’ve dealt with some serious business in my day, but having assassins and such coming from everywhere was not appealing in the slightest.”

“Yeah, doesn’t sound great.” You flipped him after his statement, onto the mat and smiled

“Gotcha.” You said crossing your arms.

“You did, didn’t you?” He asked before slamming you onto the mat backwards and then you getting out from under him before after a few minutes, he pinned you once more.

He flipped you onto the mat smiling as you let out an exasperated sigh.

“Gotcha.” He smirked leaning closely in.

“And what are you going to do now Birdy?” You asked quietly almost rolling your eyes as his comment.

“Well, to start off, I’m glad you’re not dead.” He said.

“Yeah, I am too, what’s your point?” You replied crossing your arms, still pinned on the mat.

“I’m glad you’re not dead because I never would have gotten to... to do this.”

Before you could ask what he meant or even react, he pulled of your mask and kissed you. You didn’t hesitate kissing him back and uncrossing your arms to run your hands through his think black hair. His hands found your waist and you didn’t pull apart until you both were out of breath.

“Now I’m really glad that I didn’t die.” You smirked, “Now, if you don’t mind...”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” He blushed some letting you sit up.

You were both sat on the mat taking in what had just happened before he pulled you into a corner where the security cameras couldn’t see and pulled off his mask.

“I’m Dick Grayson.” He said as you gazed into his bright blue eyes.

“I know.” You said in a dreamy voice.

“Wait, how do you know?” He asked snapping you out of your trance.

“Magic.” You let some wisps of bright colorful light dance around on your fingers for a second, “remember?”

“Oh yeah.” He smirked before you pulled him into another kiss.

You looked down at the watch on your suit and sighed, “It’s almost 1:30.” You said.

“And?” He asked, “We could stay here the night.”

“That isn’t untrue.” You replied, “Let me tell my father that I’ll be spending the night so that he doesn’t freak out.” You smirked some sending the code word message in case he forgot to delete the message and someone came snooping through his phone.

“So, are you just going to stay in your suit all night?” Dick wondered aloud.

           “Nope.” You chanted some words before your outfit suddenly becoming a pair of shorts and tee shirt and then suddenly the sweat and such go away as you two were walking to his bedroom in the cave.

           “Oh, I forgot to ask two things.” He said stopping, “Will you be my girlfriend?”

           “Uh, I don’t think you needed to ask Grayson. Sure.” You answered, “And the other thing?”

           “Wanna watch Y/F/M?”

           “Hell yeah I do.”

           The two of you got into his bed and you laid against his chest as he laced his fingers with yours. After a while, he looked down to see you peacefully asleep, finally getting the rest that you had deserved.

           “I-I love you Y/N.” He whispered softly starting to fall asleep himself.

           “Me too Birdy.” You replied when he was almost passed out, making him grin some.

I am getting to requests this weekend, but I had a suppppeerrrrr long week and haven’t gotten any sleep so I’m sorry that they are late, but they’re coming. I hope that you guys are doing well and liked this one. If you have any requests, send them in, they are greatly appreciated. I hope that you all are safe and healthy and keeping half, decently sane. Have a good day! 😊

[hank-mcdankblade]

I Know A Bottom When I See One Princess (Part 3)

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Summary

Chapter 1: You and Dean have been pals for as long as you can remember, practically raised together. Are things still the same as you remembered when you reconnect with him after a couple years apart? Well there is one thing you see differently and you’re about to call him out on it.

Chapter 2:  After you flirt back with Dean you start to rethink all of your life choices. Why did you flirt back instead of making fun of him? God it would be so much easier if you were just a genderless blob. Hopefully the new supernatural case a friend of your mom’s gives you will distract you from all this romance mumbo jumbo.

Chapter 3: You and Dean both start to realize your feelings are not what you both originally anticipated them to be. If only you two could actually talk like adults instead of bantering like childish 8 year olds. The case picks up when you see a certain someone’s name over every case, a certain boomer’s name.

Chapter 4: You and Dean do some sleuthing into Chrissy’s apparent death. After learning the truth your trip to Wendy’s/Jack in the Box gets interrupted by Chief douchebag. Rick takes the three of you on a nice drive to the mountains to introduce you to his daughter.

Word Count: 5,041

Warnings: Many, Many swear, Dean being a little shit, pg-13 thoughts from a certain green eyed hunter.

  ______________________________________________________________________

      The car was quiet. You couldn’t help but wonder if maybe you were the cause of it. You reminded yourself that there were a million other reasons as to why the drive was silent. Hell there were hours spent in this car with nothing but the sound of guitars and dig of the tire against the road as background noise. All you needed was each other’s company and nothing more. The rational part of your mind was scolding you to shut the hell up about it and stop worrying, pointing out multiple pieces of evidence disproving your original theory. Meanwhile your much less rational side disagreed. She was a bit of a dumb bitch, but very persuasive. It was practically her superpower to ignore all the facts and blindly believe in her opinions.

        “Hey, sorry about springing the whole relationship thing on you. Just thought it’d be easier to fly under the radar as a couple….” You clenched your hands and wrung them together. Your eyes glanced at Dean to your left, quietly gauging his reaction. 

       “Don’t apologize, it’s ok. It was quick thinking. And who knows how suspicious detective douche would’ve been if you hadn’t.” Dean only took his eyes off the road for a moment to look over at you, lying through his damn teeth.

       “True…guess Jen was right about the cops being jumpy here.” Finally, with that off your conscience you could relax into the leather seats with ease. Things were fine. You were just putting way too much thought into this flirting with Dean thing. It was just how your relationship with him was and everything was ok. 

       You were fairing much better than Dean though. Dean’s grip on the steering wheel could be described as vice-like. The insides of his fingertips could feel the stitches in the fabric of the wheel. It felt like he had cotton shoved into his head, there was only one thing consuming his thoughts. Was he really interested in having you the way you spoke of the other night? Bent over and vulnerable while you took advantage of him? Thank god that his right foot was preoccupied with the gas pedal or his entire leg would be bouncing. 

        To you his face looked stoic, and void of emotion. Dean’s eyes were painted with a foggy filter. Mentally he was miles away from the Impala. Every couple of minutes or so he would come back and hyper focus on a different part of the reality in front of him. Dean sometimes focused on the way his joints bent or how his skin felt, and other times focused on how you were too close to him and too far away at the same time. Dean’s hand was shaking, aching to have it on your leg, give you a good squeeze or anything just something to feel you and your skin on him. He wanted to feel your firm grip on him, on his legs, his hands, around his throat. He wanted so badly for your hips to be driving his into the mattress, coming up and down bouncing on his cock until he came closer and closer…

        “Ready to head in and get some info.?” Your delicate voice slowly reintroduced him to the present. Dean looked in front of him and saw a beige building that looked like it was built in the 60s and was never remodeled since. The black letters on the brick wall by the front door read, ‘Grand Mesa County Libraries Central Library.’ His body was slowly returning to its normal temperature as he stepped out of the car. 

        “Yeah, let’s do it.” Getting back on track Dean prepared himself for the first step in every hunting trip you two took, do some re-con and get info about the case. He was gonna have to put his thoughts of you on the back burner for now, which was easier said than done. Once you passed the threshold, the smell of old carpet and moth balls slapped you in the face. It was a nostalgic potent smell that reminded you of your kindergarten years and would haunt you for the rest of your life. Looking around, the place did not seem too busy. There were a few people scattered across the building casually mulling through books and movies to check out.

        “Wanna check the newspapers and I’ll look into local lore?” You two nodded to each other and went your separate ways diving deep into yellowed paper and books with broken spines. Soon enough you could no longer hear the soft thumps of Dean’s boots.

        After scanning the isles you checked out a couple books and started a nest by the computers. The first thing you knew you had to check out was the case at hand. You tapped away at the very out of date computer keyboard.

        Disappearances Grand Mesa National Forest

        There were about a thousand hits online for disappearances. The hard part would be finding information from a reliable source. The first few minutes into researching changed your posture as your spine straightened up and mind shifted into its case-mode. Everything in the world went blurry except for the books and screen in front of you.

~~~~

        ‘Newspapers…newspapers.’ Dean’s fingertips brushed over the tops of age softened newspapers. Once you spend months in different libraries you tend to pick up what their usual lay out was, so the newspapers were an easy find. Thankfully instead of having to search through the records by hand, this library had a computer to search key words in to find articles. If Dean ever went to hell, he was sure that being forced to dig through newspapers by hand would be his torture. 

        ‘Newly-Wed couple from Illinois vanished without a trace. Last seen in Grand Mesa National Forest.’

        ‘Scouts No Longer Holding Summer Camp in Grand Mesa National Forest After Four Scouts Lost to the Curse.’

        ‘The Grand Mesa Curse strikes again with the disappearance of a family of three.’

        Seeing the pictures from the crime scenes made things real. Of course Dean knew the hidden reality that the supernatural world truly was, but sometimes it was easy to forget. It was easy to forget that there was true evil in this world, that there was evil more than just a greedy billionaire or corrupt politician, but pure evil that only sought to drag as many souls to hell as possible. There were so many families that had their loved ones ripped from them without a reason, completely unknowing of the darkness that lurked so closely to them. They would be driven mad with the lack of ‘logical’ facts in their eyes, cursed to never know what really happened and given answers that felt bitter to the taste. Others had their eyes opened unwillingly, shown what was behind the curtain before they could even sputter out an answer. Dean wondered what he would’ve chosen had he been given the choice. Would he rather know what killed his mother and spent his life fearing those that hid behind human faces? Or would he rather go on with his normal apple pie life never finding closure in the death of his mother? Neither option had more pros or cons than the other. He could spend a lifetime mulling the answer over and never find one that felt fight.

        “Excuse me, are you looking for something in specific? You look a little lost…” Dean turned his attention upwards and saw a young librarian. She looked like she was probably a couple years older than him, a native here for sure.

       “Huh?” Dean blinked a few times before really processing what she said to him while he was on autopilot. “Oh, no. I’m alright but thanks.” Dean offered her a smile before going back to flipping through the stacks of old newspapers. 

        The librarian nodded before looking at what headlines he was choosing. She raised a brow as assumptions about who this mysterious man was filled her head. “Interested in the Grand Mesa Curse huh?” Now there was something useful that he needed. 

        “Uh…yeah. Somethin’ like that. Know anything about it?” Dean leaned his arms on the newspaper stand. Any info you two could get would make this whole operation go smoother. 

       The woman let out a short breath of a laugh and shook her head. “It’d be impossible to live around here and not know about it. Around this time of year nobody really goes up into those woods, and especially near the mine shafts.” She paused for a beat and then continued. “My name’s Shan by the way.” Shan looked at Dean with an eagerness in her eyes. The gesture fell on deaf ears and Dean simply smiled back at her.

       “Dean.” He held out his hand to hers, and gave her a firm shake. “Well, I’ve got all I need for now.”

       “Feel free to call me if you need anything.”

        “Will do, thanks.” What a nice lady. 

~~~~

        After collecting a handful of articles from different newspapers, Dean headed back to you ready to get down to business. You were hunched over a loud keyboard like a goblin, typing away all the notes you were compiling for future use. There were probably about 15 tabs open on one browser and 17 pages from various books that had been dog eared. From the looks of it, Dean could tell you were already on a roll. Not wanting to disturb you, he silently pulled out a chair next to you and started to flip through and score the articles he had. 

        About an hour later you two felt confident enough in your information to start piecing something together. 

       “Hey.” An unfamiliar voice interrupted your work process forcing you out of your thought bubble. When you looked up you saw what you assumed was a librarian who worked here looking right at Dean with some form of recognition lighting up her features. “Thought I’d check in to see how you were doing with the Grand Mesa Curse.” There was something in the tone of this girl’s voice that really put you off. Instinctively you tried not to reveal your true thoughts with your facial expressions. There was nothing on her, or within her, that was tripping up your Slayer signal, so she definitely was not a monster. Regardless, something was feeling weird as you looked between the two of them.

       “Pretty good actually, just getting some basic information.” The two of them chatted for a bit before the girl eventually left to actually do her job. Ok there was a possibility that you were being harsh, but this girl was interrupting your research session so regardless she’s being a bother. Human or not.

       Ok…

                Deep breath….

       You took a moment to restart yourself in a sense. She was human, and she wasn’t even at your table for too long so why were you so on edge around her?

        Next to you, Dean felt something in the air shift and looked over to you. Your eyes were still glued to the computer screen but your vibe felt different, more ridged, and that worried him. Still looking at you, Dean nudged you with his elbow.

        “Hmm?” You hummed, still focused on your research.

       “You ok? You seem…upset.” Damn him for knowing you so well. Hunting together had given him the skill to pick up on all your tells. You didn’t know whether this was a blessing or a curse.

        “What? No I’m ok.” You spared him a moment of your attention before returning to work. Dean slowly narrowed his eyes at you. The slightly higher pitched bubbly-ness in your voice was not genuine. You were lying, but he wasn’t going to press you on it in such a public place. 

        The moments drew longer and blurred together as you two eventually got back into the swing of things, but there was something that caught your attention as the hour flew by. It happened every fifteen or so minutes when you would catch a glimpse of that girl that talked to Dean. She would linger by the book stands and rearrange the books there, giving herself an excuse to look at Dean while she ‘worked.’ With each time she stalked near, her act became less and less convincing and it was starting to tick you off. You had work to do and she couldn’t take the hint with the piles of books you two had. Not to mention how little Dean seemed to pay attention to her advances. If she was a monster, she was a very poor one at that, but if she was a human then you had an idea of what she was after. Either option made you want to pull Dean’s chair closer to you, look over his shoulder to see what he was working on even though you already knew. A burning feeling started to ignite with every trip she made past your table. 

        Annoying woman aside, you two had found some important information. The history of the Grand Mesa National Forest was pretty plain. The forest was created by President Benjamin Harrison in 1892. No amount of digging brought up any supernatural affiliation. No massacres of any kind, no Native American burials, and no cults made that forest their home either. So this meant no large scale hauntings, which honestly relieved you. This narrowed the field down. Looking over articles from books and online and newspapers brought to light what was commonly known here as the “Grand Mesa Curse.” 

        It started about two decades ago when a group of college kids traveled up into the mountains for Christmas break. According to their parents they only planned on staying for a couple of days. Things took a turn for the worse when it had been three days after the kids were supposed to be home and no one heard from them. Entire search parties of police officers, family and friends, and many other volunteers combed the forest the best that they could. No bodies were found but their campsite was destroyed and barren. The press and police chalked this up to be the fault of the bears that roamed around, and the same was happening with the most recent case. Luckily this time around there was one girl who survived the attacks, Chrissy Hamilton. 

        There had been a couple cases before this particular one as well that dealt with bear attacks and missing people, but the thing that made it stand out was that the disappearances grew in number afterwards. They were all around the same time and similar location. Something that caught your eye immediately was that a girl from the group of college kids had the same last name as the sheriff you and Dean saw. 

        Lydia Sullivan, daughter of Rick Sullivan, went missing two decades ago and was never found. Her mother, Emily Sullivan, passed away soon after not being able to handle the death of her child. “Ok so if his daughter got merked, why is Sullivan Chief of Douchebags so lax with all these cases? You’d think he’d take his time.” Your tone of voice was low and gravely coming out slowly. That ass hole’s name was popping up everywhere. Rick Sullivan oversaw every single disappearance case in the Grand Mesa National Forest district since his daughter went missing. The man was seen as a determined father that wanted to keep Colorado’s kids safe. He may not have worked every case personally, but the records stated that he went over the paperwork and guided his officers. 

        “Maybe he’s luring kids into the forest? What purpose would he have to cover all of this up though if he wasn’t involved?” Dean leaned his forearm on the back of your chair to get a closer look at what you had. 

        “Doubt it, on all their suspect lists they show alibis too and his checks out. So that means that all of this is coincidental. He could be overseeing every case because he feels guilty for letting his daughter down?” 

        “Like a coping mechanism?” Dean sat back in his chair, eyes focused on a blank part of a wall as he tried to process everything. 

        You nodded. “Yeah, those things that normal people have.” You gave Dean a smirk knowing full well that both of your coping mechanisms included heavy amounts of alcohol and repression. Dean rolled his eyes at you with a smile that mirrored yours, remembering all the countless nights where you two would stay up far too late with a bottle of whiskey. Many times at the end of those nights the thoughts and pictures that kept you up at night would tumble out from your mouths. Subconsciously the space between you two would shrink, physically and emotionally. Dean could count on his left hand how many people he trusted and felt safe enough around to be vulnerable with. After all the shit you’d been through and years you’ve known each other, if he didn’t trust you he would never trust anyone. 

        “Hey, me again. Wanted to let you know that I found a couple of stragglers for the paper you two are putting together.” Jesus Christ this librarian really couldn’t see a moment when it was right in front of her could she? You had had enough of this girl’s talking. You thin string of will power snapped and opened up the lines from your direct thoughts to your mouth.

        “Why are you here?” Your eyes narrowed. Dean was taken aback. He had seen you lose your temper before, but only on those who truly deserved it. I.E. bar assholes, clowns/mimes, and religious nuts trying to convert you. This wasn’t the usual anger he was used to seeing before you knocked someone out, it was a silent subtle kind that would creep up on you if you didn’t watch for the signals. He was seeing all of them in slow motion. 

         Your jaw was clenched, no doubt thinking of biting her head off if she didn’t scamper off back to the corner she came from. What was usually a smile was replaced with a thin line that showed no welcome. But the thing that scared him the most was your eyes, cold and distant. Those eyes had never been directed him, eyes void of compassion. 

        Shan flinched just the slightest, brows pulled together not expecting such a reaction. “Uh-um, I’m here to help. It’s kind of my job.” She bit back at the end of her sentence, though her stare was not nearly as intimidating as yours. When she talked to Dean earlier she assumed that the two of you were merely classmates or just friends, but she had a bad feeling that she barked up the wrong tree. Your aura seemed dangerous, like a crazy jealous girlfriend. 

        “It’s your job to creep around the patrons and watch them from afar while you pretend to do your job?” One brow was quirked as you leaned back with your knees open and arms crossed. The attitude you were throwing was one that would rival middle schoolers and mothers looking to talk to the manager. It was very out of character for you to be petty, it always made you feel sick afterwards.

        Shan narrowed her eyes back, cheeks flushing a deep red. “Excuse me-”

        “Listen sweetheart, my boyfriend and I have a lot of work to do and you’re being a bother. So how about you get back to your real job and stop making googly eyes at my partner huh?” Your bite was sharp as a knife, cutting deep into Shan’s emotions. She took one look at Dean, who was currently preoccupied with staring at you, and quickly scampered off. You shut your eyes and opened them with only one goal in mind. The faster you knew about this case, the faster you could get the hell out of this library.

        Those thoughts that Dean were having to put on the back burner suddenly moved to the front. “So…..was she somehow endangering our hunt that you had to cover for us again?” The smug bastard was referencing what you did because of Detective Sullivan.

        “Yes. She was endangering our efficiency.” Your fingertips flipped through a book closest to you, anything to not look at Dean. In the tone of his voice you knew he was pleased. 

        Dean was more than pleased, albeit a little confused about his feelings but pleased nonetheless. He loved hearing the commanding tone of your voice, telling some other girl to back off of him. Telling that girl to back off because he was yours. A needle pricked at the back of Dean’s mind as he replayed the rollercoaster of emotions he felt. He liked that moment. He liked your tone of voice, but why? It was because of the insinuations he could make. You wanted him. You wanted him to yourself, there was a possessiveness to what you said and how you said it. It was dominant and commanding. 

        No. Dean liked it because it meant you wanted him. He was not a bottom, and he did not like that interaction because you were possessive and domineering. 

        ……

        “Mmmhhmmmm,” Dean hummed, his inflection rising up and then down. Now it was his turn to lean back into his chair. His perfect lips were pursed with a small smirk, one brow quirked with intrigue. “You sure someone wasn’t jealous of a pretty lady giving me attention?”

        “Sorry but the only pretty lady I see in this library is me,” Your voice attempted to make you seem preoccupied with cleaning up your space. Your fingers moved a lightning speed as you emailed yourself all the notes you had taken and shut down all the programs you had opened. “So I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Your facial features moved in a comical way depicting a dramatic expression of confusion, with a hand on your hip. The table was finally free of all your possessions, the last notebook was zipped up into your backpack.

        Dean had you right where he wanted you, embarrassed and caught. He knew you would dodge and change the subject as quickly as you could if confronted with a topic you didn’t like. “I’m gonna remind you of this!” He shouted to you with his hands cupped around his mouth.

        You were already speeding off to the car, desperate to run away from this conversation and what it could come to. If anyone was going to be in control of a situation, it was going to be you and you’d fight anyone and everyone for that control with your bare hands. 

        “I’ll forget it!” You yelled back at him over your shoulder, bleaching your mind of any itchy feelings you were experiencing. 

        “Constantly!” Dean yelled back, only to receive the bird from you. He laughed and tumbled after you, happy to finally have some new material to ruin your day with. 

~~~~

        After five minutes of Dean looking like the cat who got the cream, white all over his smug stupid whiskers, you arrived at a locally owned diner. If you rolled your eyes anymore you were certain that you would go blind, and yet it would still be worth it just to let Dean know that you were mildly inconvenienced by his existence. The hum of the impala came to a soft halt. With the combination of Dean teasing you and your hunger, you may have strangled someone if you didn’t get fries in you soon. 

        A bell attached to the door rang out once you two stepped foot inside. Only the waitress on staff bothered to look up from her post behind a counter, the other employees were too engrossed in just making it through another eight hour shift without losing their minds.

        “Seat yourself wherever you like, I’ll be with you in a second!” She flashed a bright smile before dipping into the back of the kitchen. You and Dean nodded before following her directions and finding the corner booth in the back, cause that’s where all the cool kids sit. And with you two sitting there, only the coolest of kids sat there. 

        Dean leaned his chin on his hand and gazed at you. “So do you wanna talk more about how you secretly have a crush on me?”

        “No.”

        “Maybe about how you were totally going to duel that hot librarian for my hand?”

        “Rot in hell.”

        “Oh! Oh! Maybe we can discuss your feelings on a certain other topic that’s definitely unrelated.”

        Your unamused eyes continued to look at him, giving him no response hoping that he’d take the FUCKING hint. “Oh yeah? And what topic would that be?”

        “Me, and my cute face.” Dean winked and did his signature blue steel look. With a loud bang you hit your head on the table, laying your arms on the table around your head limp.

        “Deaaannn, I swear to god I will strangle you until the last breath from your lung is used.”

        “So what you’re saying is that you want your hands on me? You want to touch me?” Dean leaned closer and dropped his voice as low as he could go with every word that came out of his mouth just egging you on to do something. “You wanna put your hands all over my body?” 

        You whipped your head up, eyes wild and craving revenge, and you were just about to open your mouth and verbally destroy this stupid boy’s whole career when your waitress popped herself in front of the table. 

        “Hi! I’m Audrey, and I’ll be taking care you guys tonight. Have you been here before?” She had the whole speech memorized and recited it off as she handed you both a menu. 

        “Why no we haven’t! Darling aren’t you so excited to be here?” Dean grabbed your hand across the table affectionately with a huge fake smile. The weird vibe Audrey got from this table was throwing her off but regardless she had a job to do. 

        ‘Some of us will never eat again…’ You thought to yourself, thinking of all the places you could stab Dean with a fork. 

        “Thrilled.” You stated, pointedly glaring at Dean and his boyish charm getting the best of you. Audrey smiled to herself and started to understand what was going on and dismissed her earlier thoughts. After getting you two started with drinks she left you to look over the food options. 

        “Can I guess what you’re gonna get?”

        “As long as I get serve you cyanide afterwards.” 

        Dean settled into the booth and looked off into the distance to pretend to think very hard. “You are gonna get a cheeseburger with everything on it, as rare as they serve it. Side of fries and a large lemonade because even at age 23, you’re still an 8 year old.” 

        Damnit he was right. 

        You shared Dean’s smug look, ready to dish back what you were served. “Ok fine, you’re going to get the most overloaded bacon burger in order to cash in on that heart attack you’ve been waiting for forever, but hold all the vegetables because we want this one to be a big one. Side of fries and a shitty great value coke.”

        Dean nodded slightly and clapped quietly for you. “Right you are.” A moment was spent in silence, just the two of you laughing at each other smiling like love struck idiots. Your eyes tore away first, landing on a newspaper that was from today. The headline was the real reason you decided to pick it up.

        Local Crazy Believes Creature of the Night Kills Friend

        You flipped through the pages to find the story. It was published today and showed a picture of your sole survivor, Chrissy Hamilton.

        In a sad attempt to get some attention, Chrissy Hamilton offers her break out story. 

        “It was like my friends’ voices were coming from two different directions!”

       “This thing was too fast to see…”

       Clearly this is just another example of our country’s failed mental health system…

        “I wouldn’t spend too much time reading that malarkey…” Audrey said with her eyebrows pulled together, eyes cast down as she refilled your water glasses. 

        “Do you know her?” You asked, laying the paper flat on the table for Dean to see too.

        Audrey sighed as she stood back up, water pitcher straining her left wrist. “She’s my best friend. I’m not sure what really happened up there, but the newspaper doesn’t have to ruin her reputation like this and publish a drag story.” Her jaw clenched at the mention of the newspaper.

        “Does she have any enemies at the newspaper, maybe that would want to defame her?” Dean spoke up. Audrey eyed Dean caught up in her own thoughts.

        “We’re trying to run a counter story to get the Denver Times to redact the article.” You butted in, if this girl was going to give you anything it had to seem like she wasn’t gossiping with customers but giving info to fellow truth seekers. 

        Audrey pursed her lips in thought for a moment. “No, but the police chief doesn’t seem to like her. I don’t have any evidence to back it up, but I’m pretty sure he went to the head news correspondent and told him to run the article.” As more information poured in, the two of you couldn’t seem to figure out what the hell this cop’s problem was. He seemed to do everything in his power to derail this investigation, the dude was definitely hiding something. 

        “You’re pretty sure?”

        “Yeah…they’re drinking buddies so it wouldn’t surprise me.” Audrey’s attention was pulled away when the bell at the front door rang again. “If you guys have any more questions I can answer them after my shift.” 

        You and Dean shared a look. “The same voice coming from two different directions and super fast? I think I have an idea of what we’re looking for…”

        “Can we please talk to that Hamilton lady first, I’d very much like to drag this out before I freeze my balls off…”

_______________________________________________________________________

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[paperficwriter]

A Deer Dance (Charlastor, Hazbin Hotel)

Alastor is a deer demon, and while he's never been lonely, he's not going to say no to a little doe that seems as interested in him as he with her.

Dirty Paper warning!

---

Living or dead, Alastor always did like to believe that he was one of a kind. The best of the best, and a step above the rest. And, in many ways, he was right; when he compared himself to other radio personalities, or home chefs, or, now, demon lords, that knowledge that he was better would add a skip in his step and the huge smile on his face.

He wondered if that gap that remained open between him and everyone else was the reason why his appearance was so different here. He’d never seen another deer demon before. All of the other shapes of demonic beasts were represented, certainly. Wolves. Bears. Goats. God, so many goats, it had ruined any dish with meat or milk that he might come across.

There were rumors of others, but perhaps his presence, his power, had sent them all into hiding.

That would make sense. Alastor didn’t particularly appreciate being shown up (and most denizens across the Nine Circles were more than aware of that). Just his average appearance - his dashing suit, the cloven prints of his shoes, the long fluffy tufts of his hair and his sharp-toothed grin - parted many a crowd, but in his true demonic form with its rack of horns and dead-eyed, sharp-toothed leer, most hoped to just survive the encounter.

But it was in his fairly casual shape that he went to Mimzy’s Club for a colorful event that she was hosting that particular evening. The Burlesque Revue had been all the talk across the city for several weeks before, something that was supposed to combine the lurid fantasies that were commonplace in this corner of Hell with something a little more artistic.

“Listen, if there’s gonna be stripping, ain’t nobody gonna say no to that,” he had heard one demon say as they looked at the poster of one particularly long-legged dame with a boa around her shoulders. “If they wanna make it fancy, s’alright by me, just so long as they take it all off at the end, yeah?”

There certainly wasn’t any proof that Alastor had set the unbearable dolt on fire. People combust all the time in Hell!

After all, the concept alone sounded entertaining enough for Alastor, that was for certain, but what really intrigued him the most was the rumor that the whole thing was being hosted to bring attention to some hospitality project being taken on by the Princess of Hell herself, Charlotte Magne. And if she was anything like the classical piece of art her mother Lilith was on stage, he did not want to miss this for anything.

Mimzy clearly had tried to doll up the place. There were fairy lights everywhere, and thick drapes of black and red velvet scooped down from each pillar along the edge of the club floor. An entire area had been elevated into a stage and that was littered with props and poles and bars.

“Al!” Mimzy gushed as soon as he came in, rushing over to take both of his hands. “I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you. These people are annoying the shit out of me. I forgot how the artsy crowd could be such a bunch of divas.”

“Mim, Mim, Mim,” he tutted, “I think you just described the entire population of the here-after. The artists just happen to have practice, don’t you know?”

They laughed about that, and then someone spoke up behind him, a young, sweet voice that was so different from the raucous roar he was used to that it was almost startling. “Hey, Mimzy, I’m so sorry to bother you. Can we get a little more light on stage left?”

“What do I look like, an electrician?”

“No, but the electrician snuck into one of the dancer’s dressing rooms, and I’m pretty sure he won’t be waking up anytime soon.”

Mimzy sighed as Alastor turned to the source of the voice. “I’ll get right on it, Princess,” she groused before disappearing.

And there she was. The Heir to the Throne of Hell. What had Alastor been expecting? Someone dressed like Lucifer, probably, a mess of over-the-top vaudevillian aesthetic and an extremely untrustworthy face. And yet somehow, that horrible cretin had helped to birth the most beautiful creature Alastor had ever laid his eyes on. Even if it had just been the classy black dress, the diamonds in a cascading pattern down her neck, the silver apple tiara atop her blond hair styled in a gorgeous updo...all that would have been more than enough to catch Alastor’s attention, but then...

“Charlie. Please.” She said it like it was one of a thousand times she had insisted. And although Mimzy was already gone, her ears perked at Alastor.

Her slightly furry, tear-drop shaped ears, and a tail turned up behind her where the dress had been perfectly cut to let it out.

Another demon just like him. No, not just like him. A doe.

“Well,” he greeted with a low bow. “I’m glad I won’t be making that mistake. I will never call you by a name that is not your preference, my dear.”

She giggled into her hand, covered by a long opera glove that matched the black of her dress. “I appreciate it. And you must be Alastor. Unless you prefer ‘the Radio Demon’?”

Oh, she was a quick one. Not that Alastor was ever good at flying under the radar. “I would prefer ‘yours,’ actually.”

That got an even darker blush from her already-rosy cheeks. Her tail twitched a little bit. “That’s a title that comes with many responsibilities, Alastor,” she said through a little smile, clearly trying to keep up with him.

“Where do I send my resume, darling, because I’m always looking for a job with better benefits.”

“Well, you certainly know how to dress to impress.” Charlie bit her lip as she glanced at him up and down. Alastor knew when he was being sized up, and he let her take him in, knowing already that she was having the same response to him as he had to her. You’re someone like me, her eyes said. After so long.  

“Maybe in this case,” he said quietly, stepping in close to her. “I should have left the suit at home. After all, you should dress for the job you want, shouldn’t you?”

Charlie leaned in. This close, he could see all the soft strands of fur on her ears, the pink inside. He wanted so, so much to touch them, but...not yet. There would be time and privacy for that yet. “I’d really like to continue this interview,” she whispered, “but as you can see I have a revue to oversee.”

“After, then,” he said, slipping her hand into his and cradling it. So small. Delicate. “I have a tower with an extremely quaint office overlooking the city. It’s quite comfortable, you’ll find.”

She nodded, voice breathless. “After.”

---

Charlie let Alastor take her home. If anything, Alastor thought he noticed her speed up a bit through her acknowledgements and post-show credits, now and then glancing his way. Nobody else would notice, but he could see the way her tail was flashing, how she wanted to run.

Run to him, no less.

And she did, in the huge fluffy stole that she had worn on stage after her act when her dress had been taken off and then pulled back on only as a skirt, her pale skin just showing though her breasts were hidden. He had never driven himself faster back to his Radio Tower.

The only person down in the “lobby” was Husk, and he was playing a computerized slot machine that he had won in a game with Alastor (though to be fair, Alastor let him win, because otherwise he threatened to leave altogether, and one piece of infernal technology was payment enough for service he could count on).

“Don’t wait up, Husker-chum,” he said, Charlie on his arm.

“Why the fuck would I literally ever care what you are do...do...” He trailed off in that moment. Husk had looked up momentarily from the game, catching a glance at Charlie, and his mouth just stayed in that same ‘o’ until they were in the elevator. Then, as though realizing that the moment Charlie went upstairs with Alastor it would all be over, he fell over himself running toward the quickly-closing doors. “Hey, what’s the rush?!” he asked hastily. “Let’s hang out! The night’s young! We can get some drinks or hit a bar or--” Alastor snapped his fingers, and the doors refused to open, even as he hit the button. “I’m not always great with sharing,” he said as Charlie was quietly laughing into the fur around her neck.

“Good,” she said, dropping the wrap to the red floor. She stood before him now with nothing but diamonds from the waist up, blinking at him bashfully despite the fact that she was the one who had made this quite-forward, more-than-brazen move. In the mirrored wall of the elevator, he could see her tail, soft and twitching just so. Now, now he did reach out to caress it, to run his long fingers through it. She shivered and instinctively huddled close to him. “So what were you saying about your qualifications before?”

As much as he had planned to continue their little tete-a-tete, it was hard to manage at the sight of her so natural. He pulled her out of the elevator when they reached the top floor and made quick work of getting her out of the rest of the dress. He dragged his mouth across her thigh, the little freckles there looking like the same pattern on young does.

At some point, his antlers sprang from his head, creaking slightly like branches over them, and when she sprang to his boudoir, he didn’t know how she would respond to his coming up from behind her, grabbing her waist and pressing in tight and close where she could feel the bulge in his pants.

He didn’t think she would moan and raise her tail to him, inviting him inside.

It wasn’t the only way they would have one another that night, but it was the most intense. The most instinctive, the best and only way he could imagine fucking in this form of his that he had gained. They didn’t speak, not even each other’s names, and yet he felt like he had known her for eternity before that, and that she wasn’t some mysterious woman that had just happened to fall into his life.

They didn’t even kiss until that first round was over, when she was gasping and clutching at the covers of his four-post bed, and he had nuzzled her face until it met his.

“I think,” she said softly, sometime quite a while later, her head on his chest, gold hair now free and messy all over his sheets, “we might have a position available for you.”

“Only one?” he teased as he rolled her onto her back and came back down to kissing her neck.

[theoriginalladya]

#15 kiss for Michael/Kaidan 🥰

from this prompt list

On AO3 here

Okay, so this one got away from me a bit.  Like 2100 words away! lol  Anyway, it helped me sort out a few things for these two which I needed before I start Nano in a week.  Thank you, m’dear, for all of your love of my pairs!  I hope this meets with your approval!

prompt:   a gentle “i love you” whispered after a soft kiss, followed immediately by a stronger kiss

~~~~

Two weeks seems an eternity to wait, but if it means a chance to figure things out between them, Shepard is willing.  His mission after the Collectors is nearly over, and as determined as he is that they will make it back out of the Omega-4 relay, having an extra added incentive never hurts.  Well, that plus it sticks it to the Illusive Man and his heavy handed interference.  That definitely counts for something.

From the moment he opened his eyes on Lazarus Station, nearly everyone has reminded him, Don’t trust him.  Garrus, Anderson, Tali … even Liara.  Hasn’t he made it clear yet that he never has and never will?  So, maybe they have something … in common.  The Collectors need to be dealt with, end of story.  But it doesn’t take a genius to see too many corners are being cut in the process, and maybe he’s paranoid, but to him that reads like Cerberus has an ulterior motive.  One that they won’t share with him.   Add in the fact that TIM’s decision to drop hints and rumors at whatever whim he decides to follow, putting innocents at risk needlessly, well, the way Shepard sees it, taking a day for personal business should fly under the radar.  Only, he isn’t willing to risk that, either.  He’s about done with the whole damned thing.

He slips onto the Citadel easily enough; working with Bailey assures him that much.  Finding the meeting point takes a little longer seeing as it’s buried deep in Zakera Ward.  Still, he times it just right, even better than he could have hoped, and as he enters the building, he spies Kaidan at the front desk.  Good.  That’s one risk out the window, not having to expose his true identity, and instead he waits in the shadows near the bank of elevators. 

He’s always been good at hiding in plain sight, and slips onto the lift easily.  The elevator is crowded – of course it is, but who is he to judge if it means they have some peace and quiet they need to talk – and by the time they arrive on the twenty-ninth floor, he’s pretty sure Kaidan knows he’s there.  He follows after him, hopping through the doors just before they close, and hurries down the hall to his left.  He doesn’t know the room number, but he nears a door that’s left open in invitation.  It could be a trap, part of him still believes it is, but he slips inside the room without hesitation anyway, sealing the door behind him. 

Still facing the door, he ask softly, with a certain urgency, “Did David get to Grissom without any problems?”  Only then does he turn to face a room thick with shadows and very little light.  It takes a moment to find Kaidan, but he does, and he isn’t as far away as Shepard thought he might be.

“David is fine,” Kaidan replies.  “Anderson put me in touch with the woman in charge of the place.  Cerberus won’t have any contact with him there.”

“Good.”  Shepard takes a few more steps into the room looks around.  His lips twitch slightly at what he finds.  “Kinda small in, here, don’t you think?”

Kaidan’s cheeks darken a little, and for a moment, Shepard has hope.  He remembers all too clearly the last time he said that, and while he would give anything for a similar outcome tonight, he knows his chances are slim to none.  Especially when Kaidan folds his arms across his chest and gives Shepard a pointed look in return.  “You said you wanted to talk,” he argues.  “I didn’t figure size mattered.”

“Size always matters.”

The heat flares a little more though Kaidan fights it; Shepard sighs softly and backs down, and for the first time since waking up on Lazarus Station, his entire presence softens.  The Butcher of Torfan is not longer present, instead replaced by a man with too many regrets spanning two lives.  He takes a seat on the corner of the bed, leaning forward until his arms rest across his thighs, head drops low, and he can stare at the floor.  “Kaidan, I –.”

Kaidan stops him with a disgruntled huff and starts to pace.  It catches Shepard off guard for a moment; he’s the one with the history of impatience and frustration.  Kaidan has always been the one to hold himself together, cool under pressure.  As their eyes meet and hold, he notices the regret that shines in Kaidan’s eyes, bright as a signal flare. 

Kaidan comes to a stop directly in front of him.  “Look, before we really get into it, let me just say something first, okay?” 

Shepard nods and remains silent. 

Kaidan takes a deep breath and releases it slowly before beginning, “About Horizon, I just want to say … I’m sorry I took it out on you like I did.”

Shepard reaches deep for the patience to wait this out, for the willpower to keep his mouth shut and let Kaidan continue.

“To see you like that … well, it was a shock, to say the least.”

Shepard’s lips press into a tight, thin line.  “I understand,” he says.  “I’m sure I would have reacted similarly had our positions been reversed.”  They both know that’s not true; Kaidan would never be with Cerberus, but it’s the idea that counts. 

“All I could think was, why didn’t you get in touch with me?  Contact me somehow?  We once meant something to each other.  At least, I thought we did.”

Shepard winces.  Once.  The past tense hurts, but he expects it.  “For what it’s worth, Kaidan, I did try.  I even asked Anderson.”  When he looks up, his smile is halfhearted.  “He wouldn’t tell me where you were, nor would he deliver a message from me.”

Kaidan picks up the pacing again and runs a hand through his hair in agitation.   

“Do you really want to keep rehashing this?” Shepard asks.  When Kaidan glances over at him, he shrugs.  “I can think of other things we can discuss that won’t lead us down a potential path of self-destruction.”  Kaidan frowns.  Shepard’s brow lifts.  “What?  You think I didn’t notice when you started to flare on Horizon?”

“Point.”  Kaidan stops pacing and sits in a chair by the window.  “Alright, what do you want to talk about?”

Shepard clasps his hands before him, stares at them as if they are the most interesting thing in the galaxy in that moment.  “I … wanted to tell you, to let you know …”  He pauses, considers the best way to explain.  “Look, fact of the matter is, I’m about to lead my team through the Omega-4 relay.”  Kaidan’s breath hitches, a soft echo throughout the room.  “I wanted a chance to … well, to just see you again.  To talk with you.  Maybe to clear some of this mess up?”  Shepard shakes his head but doesn’t look Kaidan in the eye just yet.  “I know your opinions on my current situation; you made that abundantly clear on Horizon, and that’s fine.  But I wanted you to know …”  He lifts his head finally and is suddenly pinned by the whiskey brown pair across from him.  Throat suddenly dry, he swallows twice before he can continue.  “At this point, I know it probably doesn’t mean anything to you anymore, but I wanted to let you know I still care.  Believe it or not, you were the first person I thought of when they woke me up.  I had no idea where I was, what happened, where you were; but you were the first.  And I … I just wanted you to know that.”

Kaidan’s jaw tightens as he grinds his teeth.  “Shepard …”

God, he hates that this has to be so hard, for the both of them, because he really doesn’t want it to be.  No matter what happens, he still cares.  Is that really so hard to understand?  To accept?  Taking another breath, he asks, “How’s Kandra?”

Kaidan blinks.  “What?”

Shepard chuckles.  “Your sister.  How is she?”  Probably hates him, too, just like her twin.

“I - Kandra?  She’s … fine, I guess?”  Kaidan’s head tilt’s slightly.  “Why are you asking about her?”

A wry smile twists his lips.  “You know, there have been a few times where I’ve wished she was the cook on the Normandy this go ‘round.”  Gardner tries, but even with better ingredients, he still doesn’t make anything Shepard really likes.  Kandra, on the other hand, performs magic in the kitchen.  He’s been witness to it first-hand.

Kaidan manages a short laugh.  “I’ll be sure to pass that along.”

Silence fills the room as they both sit across from one another.  Michael fidgets with his fingers; Kaidan stops grinding his teeth. 

“Look, Kaidan –.”

“Shepard, I –.”

The laughter returns, easier this time for both of them.  Shepard rises to his feet and moves to stand next to Kaidan’s chair, but he stares out the window at the Citadel beyond.  “I am sorrier than you will ever know,” he whispers after several minutes, “for what you’ve had to go through.  I never wanted to hurt you like that.”

Kaidan’s sigh is weighted.  He pushes himself to his feet slowly, like an aged man for whom mobility is no longer easy.  But once he’s on his feet, he turns to face Shepard.  “I was lost for a long time.  I can’t even put into words the hell I went through.”

“I know.”  Shepard turns, facing him, then hesitates.  The whole purpose of this meeting was to let Kaidan know he was about to head through the Omega relay, which he’s done, but now?  “I just …”

No one is more surprised when Kaidan reaches out a hand to cradle Shepard’s cheek than Shepard is himself.  He holds his breath, waiting, watching with wide eyes, as Kaidan closes the distance between them and leans in to press a soft, gentle kiss to his lips.  The touch is brief, and leaves Shepard’s lips tingling.  “Michael,” Kaidan breathes, his voice practically a groan, “I love you.  I loved you before, I still love you now.  Despite everything that’s happened.” 

Without conscious thought, Shepard’s hands slide around Kaidan, securing around his broad shoulders and tugging him closer.  Time stands still as he covers Kaidan’s mouth with his, taking the initiative this time as he savors, devours, and more importantly, remembers.  He breaks free only when he cannot breathe, dropping his forehead to rest against Kaidan’s.  “I … I’m sorry, I ….”

Kaidan huffs softly.  “Yeah.”  His voice is as rough and raspy as Shepard’s.  “Um, s’okay, but … what I was going to say was … I, um, can’t …”

A small smirk twitches at Shepard’s lips as he looks into his eyes.  “Left you speechless, have I?”

Kaidan nearly chokes on a laugh.  “That’s one way to put it.”

“Good to know.”  Shepard’s hands slide up to frame Kaidan’s face.  “Answer me two things, okay?”  Kaidan nods.  “Have you found someone else?”

Kaidan blinks, tries to pull back, but Shepard doesn’t let him.  “What?  No!  Why would I?  I … I was still mourning you up until Horizon, dammit!”

Shepard smiles.  “That’s fine, that’s good,” he replies quickly.  His heart feels like it will jump out of his chest.  “Second question, do you …  Would you want to try again?”

This time, Kaidan does pull free.  He backs up across the room until his legs hit the edge of the bed and he sits.  “You’ve just told me you are about to go through the Omega relay!”

Shepard nods.  “Yes, but we have a way to get through safely.”

“Can you be sure of that?”

It’s on the tip of his tongue to assure him it is, but he doesn’t.  “One hundred percent?  No,” he finally replies.  “More like ninety-four percent it will get us there and back again.”

Kaidan bites his lip hard.  “And what then?  You do realize the Alliance wants to talk to you about what happened in Bahak, right?”

“I am aware, yes.  I promised Hackett I will turn myself in when I get back.”  Shepard shrugs then walks forward, dropping to crouch in front of him.  “Look, Kaidan, I know things won’t be easy, and it might be a while before we see one another again, but … I just … I kind of need to know … you know?”  Kaidan sighs, heavily, and for a moment Shepard thinks he’s blown it.  He's pushed too hard, too fast.  It’s too much, been too long, it's too … 

“Yes.”

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

I don't know how much this adds to the discussion regarding Animorphs being children's lit, but I think it's important to keep in mind that kids' books can get away with heavier themes than kids' shows tend to, so if someone's coming into the discussion with the framework of "for children" they may need to keep in mind that as a book it can cover more ground than a tv show that grownups just have to glance at to decide if it's "too much" for their kiddos (whether it is too much or not).

This definitely adds to the discussion of Animorphs as children’s lit!  I think you’re hitting the nail right on the head.  Many people don’t realize this (I didn’t realize this until I was in college and had a class on the subject) but television shows have to justify themselves to a metric shitton of people before they’re allowed to go on the air.  Books only have to justify themselves to a moderate-sized committee, if that.

People who have the power to veto content on TV shows include (but are not limited to): individual writers who have a particular idea, head writers who don’t like the idea, script editors who might take it out, directors who refuse to film what they don’t like, videographers or artists who add their own creative vision to ideas, visual effects teams who can cut things based on budget, voice actors who can protest decisions they don’t like, episode editors who might take an idea out, producers who won’t back anything that might cause controversy, studio executives who can pull content that’s not “on brand,” national network crews that can decide not to air certain content, local network crews that can also decide not to air certain content, and future “backers” who might decide not to invest in a show based on its content.

People who have the power to veto content in books include: the author with the idea, the agent who publicizes it, the editor who polishes it, and the publishing agent who sells the idea.  At most.

Nowadays, one can self-publish one’s own work with ZERO outside input, or else very little.  The Martian was read by exactly two (2!) people before Andy Weir put it on the internet, and it became an international bestseller.  It would be possible to make a self-published TV show with that little outside input… but most platforms wouldn’t promote it, and would probably take it down if it got hate-reported or had content violations.  Not only that, but (as Cates pointed out) books get edited as content that has already been written, in a story that already exists.  Shows get edited in the context of deciding whether it’s worth the trouble to write an idea that’s still hypothetical.

Television is ultra-conservative (in the sense of never rocking any boats in any direction) because it has to please hundreds of people with creative input and to justify its multi-million-dollar budgets.  Books can reach the minimum production value necessary to be good with the influence of one person (okay, lbr, two people) and fifty bucks for printing or web-hosting fees.  That’s the reason that only 42% of non-animated roles and 39% of animated roles go to women on TV, including only 12% of non-animated roles and 4% of animated roles going to women of color.  By contrast, 63% of children’s lit on The Atlantic’s bestsellers list is written by women, about female protagonists; that’s not counting books by men about female protagonists.  (They didn’t collect data on authors’ ethnicity; if anyone has this stat, HMU.)

It’s the reason that Arthur just made national news THIS FUCKING YEAR by depicting a same-sex (traditional) (Christian-coded) wedding ceremony, one that local networks in Alabama chose not to air.  Meanwhile, in 2015 Cates presented a conference paper about the history of kids’ picture books with queer protagonists, a history that goes back to 1981 (Jenny Lives with Eric and Martin) and covers such mainstream 1990s series as Bruce Coville’s Magic Shop and Dav Pilkey’s Captain Underpants.  We see the importance of the lack of gatekeepers: for instance, the author of Heather Has Two Mommies struggled to get a mainstream children’s press to pick up her book, so she went to a lesbian publisher, which ended up creating an entirely new branch for children’s books.  (Apparently there were entire publishing houses just for lesbian books in 1987?  The more you know.)  One other interesting case study for queer content is Gore Vidal: in 1948 he published what would today be classified as a YA gay romance novel (The City and the Pillar) but in 1959 he had to “code” and hide the queer content in the Hollywood film (Ben-Hur) that he also wrote.  Television to this day uses queer-coding in lieu of actual romance, especially when it’s kids’ TV (see: Legend of Korra or Adventure Time), while children’s literature has already made the push all the way into demanding that the queer romances in Grasshopper Jungle and Geography Club be more intersectional.

To be clear, it’s not like children’s books have carte blanche in this regard — Applegate and Grant have both apologized for having to code Mertil and Gafinilan rather than just marrying them off, and have expressed regret over not getting to write an openly bisexual Marco or openly trans Tobias.  But kids’ books can still fly under the radar of the wowsers in a way that kids’ shows often cannot.

Anyway.  Queer representation is obviously just one of a plethora of issues that get very different treatment in children’s books vs. children’s shows.  There are plenty of others.  Children’s shows can depict violence, but have to treat it as silly or inconsequential and avoid showing blood.  (Because that’s a great way to teach kids about not harming others!!!)  Children’s books can have as much blood — and, apparently, as many spilled entrails — as they would like, as long as those things don’t happen in the first couple of pages or make the cover summary.  Neal Shusterman is responsible for some of the most cringe-inducingly silly AniTV episodes, and also some of the most brutally unflinching works of children’s literature I’ve ever read.  American screen media are no longer subject to the Hays Code, but its marks still remain.  American literature has pretty much always been the Wild West, and with the advent of online self-publishing, the west is getting wilder.

Don’t judge a book by its movie.  And don’t judge a book by its show.  AniTV is tame and silly, treating its violence as inconsequential and its characters’ mental health struggles as harmlessly or innocent.  Animorphs has the courage to show that when you shoot a man he doesn’t just silently fall over and disappear but bleeds and screams and dies, that being a victim or a perpetrator of such violence can leave even “innocent kids” fighting for their lives against PTSD and depression.  It has the courage… but it also has the freedom to do so.  That’s an extremely important distinction that should not be overlooked.

[ais-n]

How do you create your characters? (anon ask)

Another question from the same anon I mentioned in the other post: 

In general, how do you create your characters, especially their psychology/thought process/ flaws? 

haha I have two answers to this - and they depend on the level of ridiculous I’m being.

MORE THOROUGH - CHARACTER BIO TEMPLATE:

I actually have a character bio template I made so it was easier for me to track multiple aspects of characters in complex stories. You can download and adjust/use however you’d like - more info at http://aisylum.com/give-and-take/resources/ or download directly as .odt, .doc, or .rtf. 

I made that for my fantasy series but you can just change whatever you want to fit better for your particular situation.

In the thorough cases like this, I will usually start with some sort of idea of the character, whatever that may be, put that into the character bio, and build out from there. Sometimes the vague idea is the gender and/or orientation, sometimes it’s their past, sometimes it’s just a snippet of dialogue I think of someone saying and I have to figure out who would say that thing in that way and why. 

I also try to think about what leads to what. 

Like, Boyd was starved of consistent love and stability as a child, so he came to fully believe he didn’t deserve it while also desperately and subconsciously seeking it out. But because he also had low self-esteem and other issues including a number of tragedies in his past, he became self-destructive at times in his quest for feeling loved or needed. He was willing to put the needs of others above the health of himself, if it meant he wouldn’t be abandoned. Which meant he would be reckless at times, and it meant his emotions would vary hugely when it came to relationships; he would do really stupid things out of fear of losing love or acceptance because he had wished so dearly for it for so long - but that can also backlash and lead to the very thing he feared because he was doing things at times for the wrong reasons or was too willing to compromise when it would be healthier for everyone to stand his ground.

Or, looking at my LGBTQIA+ sci-fi/fantasy/cop/murder mystery-type story Incarnations for other examples - Cypress is a type of Mage (magic-user) who is maligned by pretty much the whole world, especially by other Mages. His kind was all killed in a genocide centuries ago. For various reasons that also pertain to his past (and which would be a spoiler to dictate right now but come up later in the book), he has a huge distrust for other people, to the point at times of rage and hatred and violence. He has almost no one who has been on his side and stayed on his side from the start, except his twin brother. But that comes with its own set of fears, of what would happen if something happened to his brother?, and because he equates emotions to weakness, and he loathes weakness, he can be very aggressive and cynical and sarcastic when interacting with other people. But at the same time, precisely because he’s the type of Mage who gets hunted down and killed or detained by others, and because of how he grew up, he’s learned how to stay under the radar and how to blend in when needed. For all his rage inside, he’s very good at playing a part if he has to, and those two pieces of him may feel at direct odds to one another but they’re just two sides of the same coin. He has the rage because of who he is, and because of who he is he had to learn to not be seen. He is volatile at best when he’s being his own ‘normal’ and yet he can act totally ‘normal’ according to the rest of the world at the drop of a hat if needed. You could meet him in the middle of a grift and have no clue he’s anything other than a regular Joe Schmoe kind of dude who wouldn’t hurt a fly, when in fact he wouldn’t hesitate to brutally kill you if circumstances made it in his best interest.

Basically, I often try to think of what makes sense for how people would react to things they’ve been through (both good and bad), and then how that might affect their behavior going forward, and what would positively or negatively affect that.

One very short, truncated example I’ll give is Sloane, another Mage from Incarnations; because of an event in her past that she survived and others didn’t think she should have, she’s seen as a monster by much of the local community. She became inured to random death from a young age, so she doesn’t question things the way you might expect someone to in the same circumstances, but she also became resentful of others because of how she was treated. She was a troubled child who acted out a lot, but then she had one person who decided to keep reaching out to her, again and again, despite how often she lashed out. And that person became a sense of stability for her, that led to her doing a 180. She went from a kid who was constantly in juvie to being a cop (in this world’s equivalents). There’s a lot more to her story but that’s just a quick way of showing her past and the way people treated her affected her negatively until she had enough of a positive impact on her life from someone else that she ended up changing her trajectory.

I work through a lot of those sorts of things when filling out the character bio so I get a good idea of their past, their tendencies, their biases, etc. And then there’s a section that asks questions like what would build them up, what would bring them down, what is needed for them to progress, etc. I answer those questions as much as I can, and oftentimes get some revelations about the character along the way. And then I look at the plot of the story as a whole and see if it makes sense to include pieces along the way that will provide character progression (or regression) for the character. 

That can be a good way of not only making sure characters don’t stagnate in a story, while also providing layers to the plot itself so that it’s not just about one single thing - there are multiple things happening along the way that provide something potentially interesting or fun or whatever as well.

I personally like to write stories where you can enjoy it as much or more on the second, fourth, tenth read as you did on the first... I want to try to add little things, if possible, that you may glance over the first time without enough context but later can go back and say OHHH when you know more. I find that doing that is particularly fun and enjoyable and easy when you have character progression or little character quirks you can include along the way, because it doesn’t have to be some big dramatic thing for the plot of the world or overall story. It can be something as simple as a character with long hair deciding to cut their hair off, or someone who always wears shoes and makes fun of another person who goes barefoot, now trying to go barefoot and thinking “oh crap, I get why they liked this all along.” It can be totally inconsequential things for the series as a whole that have some sort of meaning for the character or reader, big or small.

I get bored easily both as a reader and a writer so I guess to me that brings in a level of entertainment.

So essentially, I start with something that either I feel I know about the character or makes sense to me about the character, then I try to think about how they would view this thing, and then I try to think about logically what would follow based on their worldview. And that often will lead to flaws, psychology, thought processes, etc. You could think of it like “What would I do if I were them?” but try to not put your personal values in place of their own.

Like, I would never murder the fuck out of people so callously as Cypress does, but I want readers to understand why he does, and for that I need to understand too as the writer or else that’s asking way too much for the readers to understand something I don’t.

QUICKER, LESS RIDICULOUS WAY

I don’t always want to fill out a whole ass memoir/biography on a character to write or create them - sometimes I just want something simple.

In those cases, I don’t write everything down like that bio template, and I don’t go into such specific and detailed questions about every part of their past and their relationships and what they do or don’t need to get better or etc. Instead, I’ll just go with the vibe of someone - what’s the information that’s of import for them as a person and their particular story? Sometimes that’s gender, orientation, race, etc, or sometimes it’s things they like (like spooky things) or things they hate (like restrictive rules).

I try to do more of an overview of why they are how they are, and therefore how they may react to certain things, but I don’t worry myself about going deep into their thought process and psychology to know every detail of how and why. Because depending on the story, I don’t even need to know that information.

I tend to do more of a ‘surface-level’ view of characters for my short stories, because going super in depth would work against what I’m trying to do when I write those - which is develop SOME sense of brevity in my life. Somewhere lol 

A good example of that mentality is probably my short story Five Star Review which is about a god and a spiritual being having a conversation in a closed restaurant. In that story, both main characters are they/them, because that’s the pronouns that worked, and they are very briefly described but barely at all. That story is more about philosophy and the way spirituality/religion interacts with humanity, so that’s what more of the focus is on. I didn’t need to know every single thing Deity (the god) has ever thought, because it’s irrelevant; I just needed to know how they would feel about the particular topics brought up in this particular story. And then, if the dialogue, plot, or otherwise leads to it, I could figure out their flaws or merits as needed, based on the sort of “person” they had already shown themself to be in the previous scene(s).

I don’t know if that helps or if all of that is more confusing. But I basically just start with something I feel I know about the character, then build on that in the context of the world or environment they would have developed in, and then just kind of follow the logic along. 

Also, if that doesn’t lead to flaws or any depth of the character, I will go back and look at something central to them, and try to see if there is anything seemingly directly opposed that could be introduced as a flaw or aspect of them. Because I feel that humans are rarely one-sided, and oftentimes the complexity of us is because of juxtapositions within ourselves we have or haven’t come to terms with. So to make a character feel more “real,” I think it’s important for them to have at least two things about them that don’t, at first glance, seem like it makes sense - but it doesn when you think about them as a person growing up where they did, or how they did, or where they are now, or whatever other piece of them. Not only does that feel more nuanced as a character and more realistic, but it also introduces some internal conflict that can be used as character progression or, at the very least, something interesting to bring in when the plot is in a lull and you don’t know where to go next.

For me, the most important thing is being willing to change my presumption of the character as the writer, if the character naturally develops in a different direction. And therefore also being willing to change the plot to accommodate, instead of forcing the character to follow the plot.

Sorry this post was a million miles long..... hopefully it helps, like, at all, and isn’t just massively confusing.

[jclie]

— && guests may mistake me as ( elizabeth olsen ), but really i am ( jolie madison + cis female + she/her ) and my DOB is ( 7/29/1992 ). i am a ( musician ) and would like to stay in suite ( 314 ). i won’t be much of a bother because i am ( driven, audacious, & charismatic ), but i can also be ( perfectionistic, reticent & self-sabotaging ) at times. personally, i like to ( paint, hike, try new recipes & sing karaoke ) when i have the time to relax, and my favorite snack is ( chai sugar cookies ) to have in my suite.

hi everyone! i’m red, and the only excuse i have for this dropping so late is that Work Sucks and has held me up, but i am here and ready to love u all! rlly, what better to do with the remaining bits of summer ( and being awake, tbh ) than join this super cute group and put my intro post together? so yes, here is the 411 on jolie, with a more *~cohesive~* bio and stats page on their way — i am so excited to get to know all of your muses and begin interacting! i promise i do not bite so if you’re feeling brave, pop over in the ims, or, just wait me out, because i’m sure i’ll be appearing in them soon enough :~)

general info

full name: jolie drew madison

nicknames: j, jo, jojo (calling her this is a bit of a death sentence unless you have explicit permission), mads

date of birth: july twenty-ninth, 1992 (27)

zodiac: leo

sexual orientation: bisexual

birthplace: chicago, illinois

occupation: musician

hogwarts house: slytherin

mbti: enfj

suite #: 314

tw: drug use

past

born on a wednesday in chicago, illinois to a set of parents who had a very “informal” relationship to say the least — to make a complicated situation as cut and dry as possible, jolie’s parents were best friends with benefits. her mom wound up pregnant and decided to keep the baby. instead of jumping to some rash decision like getting married solely for the sake of their child, they decided to simply remain friends and split custody in the best way they knew how that didn’t require a mediator in the form of a family court judge. her parents remained close friends (and still are) once jolie was born; custody was weirdly split with jolie spending the majority of her time with her mom. they were an unconventional sort of family but a family nonetheless. dad does something with numbers (yes, think chandler bing), and mom is a local business owner.

as a kid, jolie never knew a stranger, and therefore had no trouble making friends once she hit school age. she was the kid who never found her niche group or “clique” because her feet were wet in several of them. school was not a miserable time for her. she had her friends, was a solid a/b student. jolie was a big perfectionist though, it not uncommon for her to beat herself up over something incredibly minute and self-sabotaging herself as punishment or because she didn’t know how to adequately process her feelings of anxiousness — she’d procrastinate, cut people off or drive them away, things of that nature.

music was always in her life, but it was a very casual thing in her world, situated on a backburner. it was something that she was able to bond over with her dad more so than her mom; her dad was a massive music junkie, loved sharing his favorite songs with her, bought her her first vinyl player when she was twelve and supplied her with every album under the sun, whether it was one she wanted or one of his favorites or just one he thought she might enjoy. she was in dance classes as a preschooler (this was an epic fail, because not even her rhythm could save her from the generally awkward disaster she is whenever she dances) and took piano lessons in elementary school, but she didn’t love either? she felt very restricted when it came to formal lessons, and almost needed the freedom to explore and learn it on her own terms — she ended up teaching herself guitar on her dad’s guitar on the weekends she spent at his place. there was also the 6 month stint her junior year of high school when she and some friends started a garage band (which jolie represses to a certain degree because the embarrassment it invokes is on another level) but it was mostly just an idea formulated from boredom and was something to pass the time, nothing really serious. 

jolie found herself at a bit of a crossroads after her graduation. most of her friends were off to college but college did not seem like the kind of environment for her. she didn’t know what she wanted to do with herself or her life, but she knew she had to do something. so she pretty much copied and pasted what one of her close friends was doing at the time, decided to go to northwestern and share an apartment with her and pray that something would speak to her along the way. spoiler alert: nothing did. her first year quickly fizzled and faded for her and most of her time was spent going to parties, embracing the social scene, the like. nothing of real educational value.  

she was still fucking around when it came to music; she’d met some people in one of her creative writing classes (the only class that she legitimately finished and enjoyed) and would go to open mic nights or other gigs around town. never meeting a stranger meant jolie was good at networking, making friends with other musicians — the more she spent time immersed in the world, the more she felt compelled towards music. she began writing songs that weren’t just the product of teenage angst (see: that awful high school band), even took a few music classes at northwestern. 

by the time she hit her junior year, she was over classes and was pretty much only taking filler classes still, wasting her money while she bar tended at one of the bars close by. but she’d never felt more creatively charged; she was putting her nose to the grindstone in writing songs, recording songs in her bedroom so she wouldn’t wake up her roommates, playing gigs on her nights off work literally anywhere that would take her, and using those new-er friendships to her advantage. she had gained some local traction but things really didn’t explode until she started posting original songs online and got contacted by a few record labels. jolie was hesitant to sign with anyone but she got one of her friends in pre-law to help her look over contracts and pretend to be her manager and eventually signed. subsequently, she dropped out of college and went to work on the music thing full time.

from 21-23, jolie was pretty much doing nothing but playing festivals and clocking in hours at studios. most of her time was spent on the road and she absolutely loved it  — she loved the music festival atmosphere, loved the crowds, loved meeting other bands and fans. she was pretty much touring on the few songs she had released, covers, and unreleased tracks from a wip, but it worked for her and it worked for the fans. she released her first album, ultraviolet on her 23rd birthday, and hit the road again. 

jolie missed her “college” life with the parties and socialization at her fingertips, so she started elbowing her way into that scene while she was on tour — at first, it wasn’t anything to bat an eye at, but jolie’s limits were very fluid. being on tour was draining and the perfectionist in her would always find something to berate herself about, and getting out of her head was the only way that she felt she could truly enjoy the whirlwind success that was happening to her. the drugs started as a one-time thing, just to try it, and then she was using regularly, and then it got to a point where she couldn’t go more than an hour without a line of coke. the drugs stripped away a lot of what made her jolie and left her with a more miserable, grouchier version of herself where her highs were almost normal and likable and the lows were hell to be around. 

she came off of ultraviolet’s tour and essentially jumped right back into the studio (she was beginning to break through in mainstream music, with her last promotional single off ultraviolet hitting mainstream radio and doing fairly well) for album #2. it was finished and ready to go, but by that point, the drug use had gotten to an all-time high and the constant turning a blind eye to it from her team was no longer possible. she ended up od’ing and that was it  — there was an intervention in the hospital room, and it was off to rehab for jolie. album got postponed and she basically fell off the radar.

she didn’t really make a “comeback” until she was knocking on 26′s doorstep, and by that point she’d been in rehab, getting sober, and then laying low for nearly two years. by the time she was releasing her first single for the new album cycle, she’d all but scrapped the record she’d made before rehab and had something else put together entirely. she released wonderland, which did very, very well. she toured for it and it was wildly different than anything she’d done prior — venues were bigger, more fans, just a whole different circus all around. 

probably the one thing she was more proud of than the music was her sobriety, and going on two years of being sober, not much else was important to her. she knew had a pretty black and white view of was good for her and what wasn’t, so after the tour wrapped, she decided to come home. she never pegged herself for the type to get “homesick” because her spirit was very much the wandering type, but she knew she needed to get out of la and nyc. back to chicago it was — which is how we get to the malnati. 

present

she’s in what she’d aptly describe as “professional limbo” — she’s not actively working on any one project, she’s just kind of floating until she can find something to tether herself to, whether it’s a single song or an album or something else that appears on her radar. she’s just taking things easy for the time being.

career wise, think marina, l*na —  more of a cult favorite than a mainstream artist. not going to get mobbed when she goes out and about, able to fly under the radar for the most part. as far as her music goes, i don’t necessarily know if i’ll claim any one artist’s discography and adopt as her own; in my head, jolie’s alt pop. think somewhere along the lines of hayley williams, st. vincent, tove lo, splash of the 1975.

personality wise at this point in her life: will charm the pants off of just about anyone she comes into contact with. flirty. a little goofy, hella sarcastic. there’s method to her madness even if no one else gets it. is still a little guarded when it comes to talking about herself. doesn’t mind talking about what’s happened to her but when it comes to the feelings and emotions as to why those things happened, she shuts down. it’s why she’s a musician: why talk about your feelings when you could just write them into a song and pretend they don’t exist beyond that, lmao. is the passive aggressive type, bottles things up and simmers. 

being in the kitchen and cooking has been a tactile sort of therapy for her, especially in her hiatus years. she loves trying new recipes, baking at random (all) hours, sometimes likes to pretend she’s on an episode of master chef. she’s a dork, your honor.

has a thing for polaroids. she has a blank moleskine notebook that she has put through a total ringer, gluing polaroids and other little mementos onto pages as a journal of sorts.

has a stick and poke tattoo (among other professional ones) on her ribcage that she gave herself when she was sixteen. it’s a tiny smiley face. 

her middle name came from her dad’s middle name (andrew).

if you want someone to go out with you at night (or during the day, she’s not picky) and just aimlessly wander around the city, letting things find you, she’s your girl. she loves a good adventure.

i headcanon jolie as predominantly dirty blonde/brunette lizzie? but she is also the type who has ruined her hair over the years over all the impromptu dying so... welcome to close your eyes and pretend hour.

plot ideas

this is by no means a comprehensive list of plots, just stuff off the top of my head that i’d like to see? again, i promise i don’t bite, so pls hmu if one of these appeals to you or if you just wanna brainstorm, i live for that shit!!

jolie’s a chicago native, went to college here, so 👀

meredith to her cristina — basically her best friend (not gender specific, either) who tells it to jolie like it is, doesn’t mind if she laments about how the world sucks every now and again, the person she’s calling if she needs help with a body

physically and/or emotionally, somebody who checks in on jolie and that she checks in on as well. we love a solid support system

exes — jolie’s a little bit (a lot of bit) of a player?? so i’d love to see exes that maybe didn’t end too hot, ex fwb or ex flings that never made it official, people she ghosted, exes that don’t want to get back together but don’t like seeing each other with anyone else, anything under that sun

jolie also is a Lowkey (read: highkey) commitment-phobe, but i’d rlly love for her to maybe have an ex that she was so In Love with that she was willing to push through it bc she saw herself with them forever..... and then, for reasons tbd, it ended, and it absolutely crushed jolie

someone who, on the occasion of needing to scratch an itch, is very good about getting the job done. it’s casual sex. there are zero romantic feelings involved, there is no getting jealous when the other person finds a relationship, the two are just good friends who have seen (and will probably continue to see) each other naked #yeehaw

maybe someone who was at one of jolie’s gigs when she was still playing bars that she bought a drink and kept in touch with or smth? or someone she met when she was still predominately playing small sets at festivals? idk i’m rambling someone stop me

a “muse”??? like, someone jolie is fascinated with / inspired by and she finds herself writing songs about / for

gimme someone who’s like an acquaintance at best, they’ve maybe got mutual friends and therefore they hang out a bit but they’re always arguing with one another for whatever reason (they both probably annoy each other) but they’ve got mad sexual tension going on? maybe they act on it, maybe they don’t, but either way, they lowkey enjoy the bantering and being at one another’s throats even if they act otherwise

jolie is a night owl, so... gimme someone who she can turn up at their room at some unholy hour (or that turns up at her room at said unholy hour) and watch a movie with or make a mess of the kitchen from fixing a premature breakfast

maybe someone who knew jolie when she was not in a good place?? and things are still v much tense / unresolved between them for whatever reason

and stuff for the event omg PLS *makes grabby hands*

[sweetestrequiems]

kit’s release radar + reflecting on things

alright so let me give y’all a normal post now aka the release radar for this account just without dates.

they’re all under the cut cause it’s a LOT.

aka, look under the picture of the broadway queens. thank you.

-foreboding (targets part 2) will come your way soon. jo and i need to finish writing and editing. 

-chapter 2 of out of a book is in the works. it will be a parr-centric chapter. -out of a book will go between boleyn-centric/parr-centric until i start working on chapter 6. chapter 6 and onward should be an even split or just about. -the title of the chapter is Scones and Coffee, by the way.

-aragon angst is finally being written. i was going to have the nightmare aragon has be set in historical times, but i can’t see myself doing it because i am not confident enough with history. so, i will set it in modern day instead.

-the boleyn fluff i promised jo is being plotted out as we speak. im gonna turn it into beheaded cousins fluff because i felt bad for asking for kitty angst lmao

-i might do some queen x reader one shots. they’re gonna be super cute, too. i think my favorite idea i had for one was jane seymour’s. cause stargazing and picnics. yeah. -if you guys actually want some queen x reader stuff i’ll write it for y’all.

-my apex legends fic titled spark of hope will have a release date pending in the next two months. with apex legends’ lore of it being a bloodsport, i have to properly think of the trigger warnings, tags, and so on. i also have to replay through titanfall 2 for the twentieth time, and play more apex legends to actually memorize the layouts of the maps (world’s edge/kings canyon). -i will probably release spark of hope as an Ao3 exclusive. i have the good understanding that i might have followers who are very sensitive to certain triggers involved in this, so i don’t want to put anyone in harm’s way.

-with new day, same queen getting ready to finish up in the next two weeks, it gives me more time to openly take requests and stuff. so if you have a prompt you’d like for me to do, once part 6 is finally up, come into my ask box and drop it in there. -cleves is part 4, she comes out friday. -seymour will be entering the world of the living next friday, april 17th. -howard will be the last queen to wake up on friday, april 24th. -pretty much a complete series which wow good job kit you did it lmao

-jo and i (mostly jo) are planning for a total of FOUR parts for targets. the last part is just us indulging in the softness of parrlyn but that’s besides the point. but, because the events of parts 2 and 3 are so emotionally charged, we decided to make it parrlyn because boleyn seems to be the only one that has been able to calm down a very angry parr. and it gives us two an opportunity to write out the complexity of parr’s emotions.

-so do y’all remember the ask that boleyn got from kitty about a prank? -rest assured i am actually writing that because jo and i accidentally plotted that out. -honestly it is the most hilarious thing we have thought of. -can you just imagine aragon dumping a whole ass bucket of water on boleyn and screaming “THE POWER OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST COMPELS YOU!” -part of me wonders how i think of this shit and i’m sober 99.9% of the time.

-sending in asks for the queens is ALWAYS welcome btw. i love responding as the queens and it gives me motivation to write for the queens that answer so... go for it.

-i am most definitely doing Six x [insert show here] stuff. will it probably be parrlyn singing something cute? yeah. -do i care? not really because it gives me an excuse to be a nerd. -i mean... writing fanfiction makes me a nerd but besides the point!!!

-speaking of, Six x Soho Cinders is apparently the actual brightest idea i’ve had on this account because almost if not 70 notes on it???? -like thank you??? so much???? -i honestly thought y’all were gonna be like “oh no here she goes again” but y’alL REALLY ACTUALLY MADE MY HEART HAPPY

i honestly cannot stress enough that i am grateful for all of you that follow me. for the ones that like my stuff. the ones that reblog. the ones who reply. ALL OF YOU. we are in hard times. the world is fucking terrifying. i mean, i’m an adult for fuck’s sake but i’m scared too. i write for you guys. let me explain what i mean:

i have spent a solid fifteen of the twenty years i have been alive on a stage of sorts. under a spotlight, or in an ensemble. i’m a semi-professional musician. i am a novice/amateur actress. i have played in a symphony orchestra.

during hard times is when people turn to the arts. whether they love seeing dancers fly across the stage, actors tell stories, visual artists create landscapes and portraits of scenes unknown... they’re all turning to these people for something i like to call a gift.

my former saxophone instructor is a well known man. he plays in a world renowned saxophone quartet. this man took a chance on me, and taught me the greatest thing i could ever learn as an artist of sorts. 

the arts, performance or visual, are a gift. you are taking your raw emotions, your feelings... you’re making yourself vulnerable for the world to see. you are giving these people a light in their darkest times. you are helping them escape their cold realities for just minutes at a time. you are giving them a piece of you that you would only think to give to your significant other. you are taking something from your heart, filled with your emotions, and allowing someone else to be a part of that. and that is the greatest gift of all.

truth be told, that’s what i consider all of this writing. an art. it is as valid as dance and as music. as valid as painting. as valid as ceramics. as valid as any breathing and living art form out there.

so, for me to see that you all do enjoy this? it lets me know that this gift is well received. it’s... loved. it's in the right hands. 

so from the bottom of my heart, thank you. thank you so much for not only allowing me the chance to do this, but for letting me into your lives.

i will see all of you later with the tumblr release of out of a book, and a video. 

much love to all of you, kit

[flamestoflight]

candid.

this is a breaking point

i really have not been taking care of myself lately. i’ve been neglecting my physical health and my mental health to an extent that i haven’t done in years. everything is just happening so fast and all at once. graduation, a new job, a new city, a new apartment, a hard and painful breakup, an exciting new relationship, an upcoming trip, trying to get my licensure in order before I leave, dealing with all the new employee stuff.....it’s just a lot. it’s a hell of a lot. and i’ve been neglecting every aspect of caring for my physical and mental health for the past month.

it started after i finished my last rotation in early December. I was in the mindset of “fuck it, I’m finally done with school, I have 2 months until I start a real job, I’m just going to let loose and not care during this time period because it’s an opportunity i won’t have again.” And I was right about that, I will never have 2 months like this again. I will likely never even have a full week like this again - free to do whatever with my days, no 8 hours a day/5 days a week work. and at first it was in the name of mental and physical health. a rest from nonstop grinding for yearssssss. A rest from 4:30am alarms to get to the gym before work, of working 10 hours and then coming home and studying, of 5 hours of class followed by 3 hours of clinic followed by studying for my exam the next day, of meal prepping and skipping the dinner outing or the trip to the bar in the name of discipline, of working like an absolute dog to get to where I am. 

But it’s turned bad. It’s turned into a blatant neglect for my health. I’ve stopped taking my prescribed meds, I’ve stopped working out, I’ve stopped eating well....some days I don’t eat at all and others I eat like shit for every single meal. My weight has fluctuated like crazy these past 2 months, low to high to low to high. I honest to god cannot tell you the last time I had a fruit that wasn’t a garnish on a drink. I haven’t cooked for myself in 2 months. I haven’t eaten brown rice or quinoa or spinach or chia seeds or oats or literally any vegetable or fruit or anything that used to be a staple for me. 

I haven’t spent time outdoors. I haven’t read a book. I haven’t organized my space, I haven’t been washing my face, I haven’t had any semblance of a sleeping schedule. 

and to a certain extent, that’s okay. You know, that’s living life and that’s being flexible and adaptable and understanding that your life isn’t supposed to fit in a box and you aren’t supposed to be a solid mold. I understand all that, and in a way I am proud of my ability to break out of my routine time and time again, and choose friends and late nights and beer and a weekend trip out of town over rigidity and strictness and anything that I am used to.

But it’s gone too far and it has been for a few weeks now and I’m just ignoring the problem as if it’s going to go away. To be fair to me, I have been emotionally all over the place and gone through ups and downs that I never saw coming. and i’ve been trying to handle this emotional whirlwind, trying to handle the nighttime depression that has started creeping back in, trying to handle the couple of panic attacks i’ve induced over the past month, trying to handle my tendencies to use food as a weapon against myself, to use self-deprivation (water, sleep, vegetables, fresh air) as weapon against myself. Trying to handle the overwhelming pressure I feel to be good at my new job, with my fancy new degree at a fancy new hospital and not let everyone down and not let myself down. 

I kind of feel like I’ve lost myself a little bit. I haven’t been engaging in the things that have always been important to me. At least not the ones that only involve me. I’ve been very present in my relationship, present in my family life, present when it comes to making plans with friends. But I’ve lost the part of me that cares about the food she puts into her body, who respects her body and moves it every day, whether that be stretching and handstands or squatting and pressing or walking and hiking. I just haven’t been. 

Yesterday I went with my boyfriend to get his hair cut and he said it was going to be about an hour and for 5 minutes I sat in the car mindlessly scrolling through my phone and that’s how I was planning to pass the time....and I instantly started getting anxious and antsy. Because that’s not me, that’s not what I do. I got out of the car and walked a little less than a mile to the local library and grabbed myself a latte and perused some books, sat down at a table and opened one at random and started reading. I walked!! outside. and I read!! a book. while i sipped my latte. THAT is me. That’s what I do, that’s the Lauren that’s engaged in her life, engaged in her surroundings, takes care of her mental stimulation and moves her body a bit.

It’s very tough for me to be in this state of transition. Nothing is permanent right now, everything, everything is about to change. And in order to deal with the impending change and the stress that’s associated with it, I’ve become lost in the moment. (as a side note, I think that living in the moment is extremely important and valuable. I, however, have become completely lost in it...directionless, unsure, lacking confidence, losing myself kind of lost). And I want to change that. I need to change that.

this is a breaking point.

And this breaking point comes at a really unfortunate time. I’m leaving in 2 days to fly to Tanzania, I’ll be gone for 10 days total in the wilderness with zero semblance of routine and zero control over any of it. Two days after I come back, I drive to my new city and start the move-in process. I’ll be in Baltimore for 5 days, I’ll be back home for part of the next week where I’ll be trying to figure out how to get my stuff out of storage, how to get my furniture from my ex, how move into my own place...and also trying to cram in seeing my boyfriend who will have started classes and has more limited time. I have to figure out how ad when to get the cats to Baltimore, I have to figure out what furniture I need and how to get it, where to get it, how much I can afford to spend. I have so little control over anything the next 2 weeks, my opportunities to work out will be slim to none, my opportunities to cook for myself and meal prep will be slim to none, my opportunities to decide how much time I get to spend with the people I care about and those that give me comfort will be slim to none. 

but I can’t fight this breaking point anymore. It;s been a longggg time coming, and I’m almost relieved it’s here. Time to break out the journal, the planner, time to break out the attitude that gets shit done, time to break out the side of me that is fed up with my current bullshit and wants to be better. I can’t let this go forever. It’s grind time again. It’s time to sleep better, eat better, move better, treat other people better, engage more, work harder, get shit done. I cannot start my new job in this slump. I have to be on my A+ game from day one, out the gate. I have to show them why they hired me and what I can do for them. And that starts with reminding myself what I can do for myself. 

And there’s balance to all of this. I’m not done drinking wine or eating ice cream or taking rest days or choosing to live in the moment with others. I just need to find my balance again. Restore the scales back to where they were, restore myself back to where I was. Bring myself back from the brink that I have been standing on for weeks and weeks and weeks. It’s not easy, the opportunities in the next 3 weeks will not be handed to me. I will have to fight for every single one of them, and make it a priority. 

It starts tonight. It starts with getting my ass out of bed, drinking some water, making a salad for dinner, meal prepping some breakfast for tomorrow, getting to bed at a reasonable time. It continues tomorrow, when I get up at a reasonable time, get my ass to the gym, pack my bags for Tanzania, get all my travel documents in order, make the last purchases I need to make. Make my bed. Get outside. Take a fucking walk. Breathe some fresh air, read my book. 

I’ve always been an all or nothing person. The last month, taking care of myself has been off my radar, it’s been at nothing. Tonight I start to bring it back. I don’t want to go back to “all,” because I know that side of it isn’t good for me. I know what I can end up doing when I put my everything into “bettering myself” - I know that that pendulum swings waaay to fast and too hard in the other direction. I’m gonna play some video games tonight still, I’m gonna facetime my boyfriend tonight still, I’m going to probably have a small glass of wine tonight still. I’m just going to also do better, be better than I have for the past month. Better to myself and better to others. 

There is SO much I haven’t even covered in this post, but it’s a semblance of what I’ve been laying in bed for the past 3 hours thinking about. And it gets me going the way I need it to. I know what else is going on in my head, I know what else I need to address besides this ^. But this is a start. This is a breaking point. And even though I’m mentally tired and emotionally strained and physically under-nourished and dehydrated and my skin hates me and my body feels worn down and my motivation is close to zero....I’m walking headfirst into this.

My phoenix tattoo was inspired by a quote I saw: “in order to rise from its own ashes, a phoenix first must burn.” And at the time I got the tattoo there was a specific moment in mind, a specific time frame of my life that I was thinking of, I have come to realize that it can apply in many ways. I’m going to have a lot more downs in my life, I’m going to be burned in my life, I’m going to be reduced to ashes. But we rise up. That’s all we can do. We hit our bottom, we hit our breaking point, we gather ourselves, and we rise.

this is a breaking point. and i will rise.

[annakie]

An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Six

Wherein we get out into space and explore a bit, and complete our crew.

And post a lot of gifs, because screenshots were lost.

List of Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

So I use the NVidia Control Panel app to take screenshots and videos.  Since it’s already running and it takes good shots it seems dumb to not use it.

I ended up being super busy this week and didn’t play much, just got through like, talking to Kaidan after the big speech on the bridge more or less for the entire week, and through Therum.  I updated my drivers a day or two ago.  And then I didn’t notice that for whatever reason, yesterday when I went to play for a few hours, NVidia decided to record videos just fine, but not take screenshots.  I probably actually mashed the button several hundred times.... but all I got were videos.

Most of it wasn’t a great loss, it was a lot of talking to the crew, and a few planetary missions which... so I’m going to have to go back and redo some of it later for screenshots.

But I thought... hey, for posting on tumblr, I’ll just make it a shorter update and make a few gifs and most this a mostly-gif post!  That’ll be fun!

...and then I spent several hours making almost 80 gifs, including a lot of what I also had screenshots for but thought making gifs would be more fun.  

I mean I was watching the last few eps of the newest season of Great British Bake Off on Netflix, and a few other shows this morning so it wasn’t just gif time... but yeah I made a lot.  So I might split this into two posts now because... that’s a lot of gifs. This post will still have a lot of screenshots, too.  So here we go!

There are so many things to love about this moment.  It’s such a great like, re-launch of the game... Bioware telling us “Okay, now you know the plot, you know all the major players, you know a lot about our world (galaxy) and how it works and who lives here, now, it’s time for you to go out on your own.”

First, it starts with being able to vent a little to Joker, which is a nice touch.  Shepard might feel guilty about taking the ship over from Anderson, but Joker also assures us here, a great preview of the way he’s tasked with helping Shepard keep it together in ME3.

I love seeing Shepard’s words affect the crew.  The swelling music, the same as the “you’re a Spectre now!!” music just underscores the journey, and what’s to come.

I used to always miss this scene by not picking the right speech option, and would be mad Kaidan was left out of this montage.  My fault!

This moment is so beautiful and epic.

...and here we go.

ALOT, btw, makes the galaxy map so pretty.  Sharper and clearer and more colorful.  

We all usually just head to Liara’s Dig Site first, right?  Unless you’re doing one of those “Pick up Liara last just to see what happens” playthroughs?  I did that once. It felt weird.  And sad, when you tell her “oops I killed your mom and I’m not sorry.”  Seems like she shouldn’t have gotten over that so quickly, but well, that’s game design.  The entire plot just doesn’t feel the same and more flimsy without Liara around from the start.

I usually do Therum --> Feros --> Noveria --> Virmire.

Well okay, first a stop at Edolus, since, you know, it’s on the way.

What a LOVELY day, nothing could possibly go wrong on this barren world. I feel like they gave us a pretty easy-to-get-around-on world to start out with.

I honestly love driving around in the mako 90% of the time?  Once you’re used to the controls, it’s not that hard to get most places you want to go.  Though I admit the Nomad in Andromeda is a big upgrade.  I kinda miss it in ME2 and ME3, though I only do what driving is necessary in Overlord and skip Firewalker like, half the time.

First, let’s check out the map...

I’m pretty sure I didn’t realize you could mark your destination on the map and it’d put a handy arrow on your radar until I started playing on PC.  Before then I was checking the map every 5 seconds making SURE I was going the right way.  *facepalm*  

Generally my scanning strategy on the planet is... just go to the things on the map, but do go to ALL the things on the map.  If I see something along the way, stop and get it.  I don’t go way out of my way to look for unmarked stuff.  Usually the UNC missions can be completed doing that + complete planet / asteroid scanning.

Oh hey here’s a guy, let’s just grab what we can off him...

UGH.  MINIGAMES.

Like I get that the minigame is a stand in for “looking for clues, are you successful in finding anything useful?” or whatever but it’s still just the worst.  A minigame is fun occasionally, making it as a gate to something like looting a body is stupid.  I guess I have to forgo actually putting points into things that keep Kaidan alive at the early levels so he can help me... loot bodies.  Cool.  Great.

Since I’m cheating in credits, all weapons and armor get medigelled almost immediately so that I don’t have to do the minigame later on when they get harder, like, ever.

The ME2 minigames at least make a little more sense than this moving puzzler thing.  That’s at least an attempt to look like some kind of code hacking or rewiring/reprogramming.  This thing is just... silly.

ME2 has a disable minigames mod... so there will be no talk of minigames from here on out.  They don’t exist after the easy minigames early on in ME1.

So I ... somehow managed to not get video or screenshots of you know the ICONIC THRESHER MAW attack on Edolus?  So please enjoy this gif I made of it back in 2013 instead.

It’s such a great fakeout and moment.  Like “Oh man how easy my goal is like right in front of me!  That’s great, so easy!” then OH HELL NO, FUCK YOU, GIANT WORM!!

These gifs are from another planet later on, but they’ll do.

My normal MO with Maws is to get out of the way, far enough that they can’t appear too close to or especially under me, but close enough that they do still show up, then stay stationary and jump over the goo while shooting at it.

YOU’RE FACING THE OTHER WAY HOW DID YOU SPIT AT ME?!

This is fine.  EVERYTHING IS FINE. We’re just A LITTLE ON FIRE.  Our shields are at full...

Oh hell, Kaidan slap some medigel on it, please.

Even though we don’t know who Cerberus is yet, FUCK YOU CERBERUS. I always bring the VS to any Cerberus mission because THEY WERE RIGHT NOT TO JOIN YOU IN CERBERUS.  Let’s keep a FUCK YOU CERBERUS count going to remember all the horrible shit we SAW Cerberus do in ME1 to remind ourselves why Ashley or Kaidan is the only SANE ONE for going “No, sorry, I’m not joining you in Cerberus.”

Deep breath

OK, let’s go get Liara.

Wrex comes with us to Therum.

Dear Lord, Therum is gorgeous.

This is real nice just a pleasant day on this thresher maw-less planet and great scenery, we’ll find that asari scientist in no ti--- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

Have I mentioned how everything is fine lately?

Well it’s time for how I deal with most of the geth while in the Mako...

Armatures are worth five points each!

Rocket troopers are only two points, but I got a lot of them!

Stopping and fighting in the Mako takes way too long.  Push on through all the way til we’re stopped.

Hm, this is the one I should push, right?

*crickets*

Fine.

Just... real pretty.

I love this part of Therum right here.  A really great, scary fight that feels so dangerous, but winnable.  Great level design, too.

Then this happens.

Does everyone’s hair do that in this cutscene, or just mine, or this hairstyle?

Also, ME3 has a mod now that lets chracters use their correct weapons in cutscenes, my eternal devotion to the modder who could do that in ME1.  None of these characters use assault rifles in-game!!

I’m fairly certain I have played and replayed this fight more than any other in ME1.  AKA RUN FOR COVER OH SHIT AVOID THE BOMBS AND LASERS FLYING AT YOU AT ONCE PLEASE DON’T DIE COMPANIONS PLEASE KILL SOMETHING I CAN’T DO THIS ON MY OWN AHHHHH!!! 

This time around, I died my first time, actually did really well the second time, and decided to go back and record the fight for gifs and... won, barely.  The gifs would not be good.  Wrex and Kaidan didn’t last long. 

Anyway, It’s a great cutscene, but hoo boy I wish it were skippable.

Okay but what were these ruins *for*.  Also, real lucky that they had the boss fight way up here instead of down where Liara was.

Speaking of Liara...

Hello Doctor T’soni!

I have a lot of questions like... how long have you been in that bubble?  How are you sustaining it that long?  How long has it been since you’ve eaten?  If I didn’t come get you until after Virmire, would you have been holding that bubble up for the weeks in between then and now?  

Ah well, you’re here now, and I suppose I’m going to owe you my life later so... welcome to the team.

You gotta admit that’s one badass entrance, though uh, if the forcefield is still up, where did he come from?  Doesn’t matter.  Wrex, let’s kill us one of your brethren (sorry.)

I’ll just *assume* that Liara is too tired from holding up her stasis bubble she was in to actually be USEFUL.

I love the chaos of running the fuck out of there.

Texture popping is still an issue even with a decent computer and texture packs, but at least it’s quick now.

Also I really feel the loss of this conference room in the future games.  The awkward oval table never quite feels the same.  But also, uh, this is a lot of room taken up in this small ship for eight chairs and a holoprojector.  You gotta think there’s more uses for this space than just that.

But yeah, I love these check-ins, it’s a chance for everyone to get together and really hash out what’s going on, as well as reinforcing the plot to the players in a more natural way.  Having Liara this early will let us understand the Protheans better at an earlier stage, even if it turns out she’s wrong about some stuff (though at the time this was written, she was right for all everyone knew.)

Wrex and Garrus don’t talk much here, probably because you can make it through the game without one of them.  I did a “didn’t recruit Garrus” playthrough in ME2 once.  They change like one or two lines then Garrus goes back to talking about Old Times.  So like you CAN, but you really shouldn’t not recruit Garrus, because Bioware didn’t do a great job changing anything aside from your initial greeting during the Omega Archangel mission.

Not recruiting Wrex, though.  Wow that’ll have consequences later on.

OK!  So the gang’s all here, and this post is already very long.  Next time: Let’s go talk to everyone for awhile, and do a few more sidequests because we can’t go back to the Citadel til our persuasion is high enough to grind Mikhailovich’s arguments into the dust!