#I think my version is the funniest option

[clovemaysilee]

Katniss: Would you punch your best friend in the face for a thousand bucks?

Clove: I would punch Cato in the face for free.

Cato, tearing up: I’m your best friend??

[snowthedemonfox]

my dumb episode 4 predictions lets go

it's the minimum wage episode

gangle gets to be the manager and thats why jax is gonna have an awful time (also this might be the one episode she gets to keep her comedy mask on for majority of the episode until something goes wrong)

the "Huffing paint, and not waiting until a designated break?!" line IS from gangle and thats why i think she might be the manager for this adventure (some people in the replies of that post were saying the post at one point mentioned gangle as the one saying the line so im just gonna trust their word on this)

there's a karen npc with a child (i think this would be the funniest option for where the "What kind of mother do you think I am?" line comes from)

i think this thing vvvvv is meant to be the karen npcs kid (it looks like orbsman and i wouldnt be surprised if all the customer npcs look similar)

this one is the least serious prediction on this list but if maid outfit jax was gonna happen in any episode i think it'd be this one (something like making a joke bc caine gave him the wrong type of uniform for a split second lmao)

the reason the adventure is a fast food job is because someone said they wished the adventures were a bit more realistic to real life and caine took that seriously and made them all work minimum wage

pomni sets something on fire

theres a bit more discussion about the characters human lives, maybe talking about jobs they previously had? maybe pomni talks abt being an accountant

hopefully we get to see another characters room in the show cause i cant wait to see the full versions of gangle and zoobles rooms

okay this last prediction has an ep 3 spoiler in it so im putting it under the cut

zooble joins in on this adventure because they're the only one (that we know of so far) that is aware that caine doubting himself could be a bad thing so to avoid the circus glitching out again they participate in this adventure (and any future ones throughout the series)

[urautismdiagnosis-wistie]

here's a kelp cake list sowwy for forgetting

lol dw!

Also this is the funniest and most beautiful thing I've ever seen 😭🙏

As for what my favorite snack here is... absolutely cactus. And then chocolate! But cactus is like 27 times better. Idk who asked for licorice tho

Won't lie the cappuccino one looks real tempting!

But seriously I have a joke with my friend about how the pctonauts are kinda weird cuz they eat the kelp version of everything- and how its just them that do that 😭 so if an octo agent or junior agent or wtv came over and wa slike hey u got anything to eat?

They'd just ecstatically list the options of like- kelp cake (a classic)! (kelp kebabs (canon) kelp marshmallows! (Also canon) or kelp stew! (More reasonable) or kelp milk- kelp pickles- kelp jam- kelp ketchup-

Kelp life. Kelp death.

LMSO BUT ITS ACTUALLY PART OF THE OG BOOKS and *I* think thats BEAUTIFUL

Thank u for this blessing fr 🥺

[tammyhybrid21]

I am definitely of the minority but I don't want to see Emmet in PLZ-A...

But that's because I have my own hot take, and think it would just be funniest if Emmet was "Sir off on his own mystery adventure never explained" by not appearing in one of the two versions of the Unova Revisit if/when we get it.

I mean, not to say it wouldn't be nice/entertaining as well suit the past-future duality, but--

I just think they have a funnier option to send the fandom into chaos.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for forgetting my boyfriend's birthday (apologies if the unfinished version of this got sent in my tumblr was being weird)

before we started dating i asked my boyfriend when his birthday was and he told me but followed it up with "but just forget it" and it did not occur to me that he was joking, and he in fact did NOT want me to forget it. but i deliberately did. and i no longer have the message of when his birthday is as i lost the back up of my messages when switching phones. i still do not know when his birthday is, as when i asked him and our friends they all silently agreed on the funniest option of lying.

this is not the first time i got something like this wrong, like the time a friend was fishing for compliments by putting themselves down and i, not catching this, said they do suck! since that is what i thought they wanted to hear. in hindsight they definitely did not want to hear that and were actually quite proud of themselves. we don't talk anymore no clue why :/

I'm not the kind of person you'd expect to be super blunt or oblivious to these kinds of things so I'm worried he may take it personally, but honestly that's not my problem should've just guessed my personality better idiot. i do plan on asking him again (and apologising again) so I'm not really looking for advice i just think that this is funny but I'm not sure if it is funny enough to make me not an asshole y'know

What are these acronyms?

[thewertsearch]

Mega-Giga Ask Comp: Part 3

@manorinthewoods asked: I'll be honest, I wrote the Locked Tomb ask having not read the Locked Tomb series. I literally only know the starting and ending strokes of the first book. That being said, I do like the half-soul-Sollux idea, and it works pretty well with the Locked Tomb's general theme of Lyctorhood, and how knotted the whole situation with Alecto, Gideon, and Harrow ends up being. (What is even going on with Nona) ~LOSS (4/13/24) @manorinthewoods asked: You know, if you hadn't already read Gideon the Ninth, I'd have recommended it as a good second liveblog. It really does fit your preferred sort of mystery. From all the clues presented, you could probably hit very close to the ultimate solution to the Lyctoral puzzle - as close as anybody could be expected to get. ~LOSS (25/4/24) @manorinthewoods asked: The Locked Tomb's prose is pretty good. On occasion, it happens to chime with a sound of 'Homestuck', but I only recall that twice so far in my reading. I like the skelebook. ~LOSS (27/4/24)

Once again, I'm glad my hidden agenda - convincing this blog's entire readership to check out The Locked Tomb - is bearing fruit.

I agree! TLT does occasionally give Homestuck vibes, presumably because its author is a fan. For the most part, though, its prose style is all its own.

Anonymous asked: Reference to American culture: the sphere of Jade's home dropping and the timer that preceded it are references to the Times Square Ball, an annual event held every New Year's Eve. A giant ball descends down a pole at 11:59 PM and reaches the bottom at 12:00 AM, January 1. I believe that you can figure out why the reference was included in the first place. Anonymous asked: btw the gamzee page was released on new years. ‘the miracle of a new beginning’ is the new year and the lab dropping is supposed to be a reference to the ball dropping in times square

Some America Lore here that I wasn't aware of.

I was wondering exactly what Gamzee meant by 'a new beginning'. Maybe Alternia practices the tradition as well.

@omnilew asked: the way you speculate and go indepth into sburbs features and how it affects the kids, made a silly headcanon that your kidsona is reading the comic while playing out their session though this is mainly because "Eventually, we were bound to cross a couple of wires that should never have been allowed to touch" kinda references chargerkind

I like it! Maybe my 'sonas have access to a more in-depth version of Rose's walkthrough, and are adding their own commentary in quiet moments during their own adventures.

@manorinthewoods asked: Your excitement over the resurrection of Dream Jade gave me a form of suspenseful mirth. Seeing how happy you were at her resurrection, while also knowing exactly what came of it, is perhaps textbook dramatic irony. If only you'd read a panel further… ~LOSS (26/4/24)

She looked so happy to be back, too! That certainly didn't last long.

She was prototyped with a smiling corpse, though. Maybe that was just her 'default' expression, and it vanished as soon as her actual feelings asserted themselves.

@thetinygladiator asked: 'I hadn’t really thought about Sally’s ectobiological parent - but now that I am, I think the funniest possible option is that it’s her landlady.' okay but i just gotta say… this immediately makes me think about how that relates to the house-building aspect. Like, with the giant tower, are they gonna charge the Imps for rent? That might work, honestly. Where do imps even live? Bet they don't have good AC or Wi-Fi, lemme tell ya.

300 GRIST/DAY NO CRUXTRUDER NO ALCHEMY NO PETS

@manorinthewoods submitted: How many computers would you have on your person if you were playing Sburb? Jade recommends at least 5. I say I'd have a laptop, phone, a spare of both of those, and computer gloves if I need to compute really fast. Also spare gloves. Speaking of the phone - is it possible for people to put phones in their pockets? Given Karkat (and a minor gag in Act 6), we can assume that it's difficult or uncommon to carry items without using the Sylladex - or maybe it's just tied to your dexterity, and you have to hold things gingerly to avoid captchaloguing them when you pick them up. On the other hand, there's no issues with accidentally storing something you've unstored and are using - so how does the Sylladex actually work? Do people just instinctively store their items once they're done using them? Is it difficult to avoid storing something you aren't using anymore? Can you stuff phones in pockets? If not, then why develop a PDA in the first place? Given the Sylladex, it should be much more commercially viable to make a tablet. ~LOSS (24/4/24)

Since Karkat can physically pick up a book, you can probably pocket your gear - although maybe there's a difference between holding an object and trying to add it to a physical 'inventory'. Either way, the issue is easily circumvented by employing wearable tech, like the kids do.

As depicted in my alchemy binge, my primary computing device would be the Pocket Holodex, which can remote into any computer in my sylladex.

In addition, my Modular Ring shirt is also a computer, which can presumably be augmented by adding extra mod1ules over time. I'd probably also captchalogue every computer in my apartment, of which I currently have six.

I'd be exploring the Medium with a minimum of seven computers, plus one pseudo-computer, plus a phone. Jade would certainly approve.

@iris-in-the-dark-world asked: the tension in act 5 act 2 is perfect, i love it. maybe even moreso on rereads, the foreshadowing and generally ominous vibes always get to me @heliotropopause asked: You're getting to the part where the comic really starts hitting its stride. This'll be fun.

The ever-present countdown certainly adds a degree of urgency to the situation.

I'm really liking the pacing of this current act, as things slowly progress towards some critical point - one which, for now, is still shrouded in mystery.

Anonymous asked: Forwarding another ask for the person with no account ~DJ: Eridan's deal seems to be based on Wizardry Herbert - a proto-Homestuck work by Hussie. A parody of Harry Potter dealing with whether magic is real. [] But Methods of Rationality began in February 2010, so "Harry Potter but obsessed with science" might have also been an intentional reference to that.-RM @heliotropopause asked: Eridan Ampora and the Methods of Rationality sure is an idea for a fanfic. He'd be so bad at it.

Eridan would be an extremely funny choice for a ratfic protagonist. He'd be so smarmy about it - and thus, a perfect addition to their ranks.

What would the definitive Homestuck ratfic be called, do you think? I think Tool-Assisted Speedrun would be a decent choice.

@killedthekat asked: An interesting thing about doomed timelines is how they serve to prevent stable loop metagaming. As a basic example, in a typical stable time loop scenario, if you observe yourself unharmed in the future, you can throw yourself into high danger high reward situations and know that probability will twist itself into whatever improbable knot it needs to do to keep you safe. But in homestuck if you lean too hard on predestination you just get shunted into a doomed timeline for your trouble.

It's true. Timehopping just isn't fun in Homestuck, as you're constantly walking a tightrope, desperately trying to stay in the one timeline that might not get you killed.

It's a good way to prevent time-travelers from becoming overpowered - something which is probably necessary for a comic which makes such heavy use of the concept.

Anonymous asked: Now that you're updating while HS^2 is, I've realised that while I'm barely keeping up with ^2, I just yelled "Oh! Upd8!" out loud when I checked your blog, so to me? You're the real continuation of Homestuck

What an honor!

For veterans of the comic, this blog is more Homestuck: Revisited than Homestuck 2. As a woman who would much rather watch video essays about old Simpsons episodes than new seasons of the show, I completely understand why some would prefer the latter.

@manorinthewoods asked: I've since finished Worm. I think Sophia's by far the best Vriska candidate. Lisa, Amy, and Colin are less so, I think. ~LOSS (21/4/24)

Oh, nice, you got all the way through it! Worm is an absolute behemoth, and I know a lot of people who started it, and gave up halfway through.

Sophia is likely the closest match to Vriska in personality. I agree with an earlier comment, though, that the most Vriska-like character in terms of audience reaction is probably Amy.

Anonymous asked: Cannot believe someone would propose a Homestuck/Locked Tomb scenario and leave Gamzee as part of a spare pairing, when the Homestuck fic The Serendipity Gospels, written by the author of The Locked Tomb, stars Gamzee and Terezi in the proto-necromancer/cavalier dynamic. Absolutely appropriate to have Gamzee as Ninth though, since his facepaint is the direct ancestor to Harrow's. Gamzee and Terezi is such a funny pairing to go with. I'm certainly looking forward to checking out The Serendipity Gospels when I'm done with the comic - both to compare it to Homestuck and to the Locked Tomb.

As am I. Apparently it was left unfinished - but considering how long this liveblog is taking, maybe Taz will have updated by the time I'm done!

Wishful thinking, of course, but I live in hope.

@bladekindeyewear submitted:

(I started Dragon's Dogma 2 a couple weeks ago and did my best to a Gideon Nav pawn (NPC ally), facepaint and two-hander and all, and the "Jaunty Straightforward" voice selection has been EXTREMELY distracting / game-improving because her voice and attitude chatting beside my player all the time sound almost straight out of the audiobook.)

Damn, you really captured her essence. Pawn is a very fitting title for her, too :(

@manorinthewoods asked: On the topic of blood color names - Blue through Purple were renamed in Hiveswap. Originally, Vriska was Cerulean, Equius was Blue, and Gamzee was Indigo - which I like more than their modern incarnations. I think 'bronze' might also be a Hiveswap thing, although I won't dispute it, and rust might have been renamed to burgundy? Maybe burgundy is a synonym. Idk. ~LOSS (4/13/24)

I think I prefer the likes of olive, indigo and bronze over more generic terms like green, blue and brown, which would quickly lead to confusion.

Vriska's blood, for example, is also a shade of blue, so it would be a little strange if blue blood was an official term, but it didn't apply to her.

@mxamericanblue asked:hi i have been absolutely BINGING your live blog rn and i gotta just get this out this is so so cool watching you react has been giving me so much joy, i don't have a computer so i can't really experience homestuck again casually when i want to but watching you read it and react and THEORIZE??? omg your theories have been so fuckin killer it's given me a new appreciation for Hussie as a story teller and how spectacular this comic truly was thank you for this, i've been having a grand ol' time, and it's all cuz of u

Thank you! I feel like I've been theorizing a lot less since I came back from my hiatus, mostly because the comic hasn't introduced many big mysteries recently - aside, of course, from Aradia's unexplained explosion.

(Pre-posting update: Since first drafting this ask, my statement above is no longer true, as Gamzee has been revealed as Homestuck's most important character. What the actual fuck.)

@lilietsblog asked: re fifth house aradia: she's an archeolodist :)

Oh, shit, you're right.

Maybe she'd be in more danger from the Lyctor than I thought.

@ben-guy asked: Vriska's ascension to god-tier is, in my personal opinion, one of the most visually striking scenes in all of Homestuck. Also, one of the panels you didn't include (which is understandable w/ Homestuck lol. Sacrifices for the sake of brevity) specifically the one where she has him write "[…] plenty of time for that l8r" above her head… Think about the position she would have had to move him to to write that.

…jesus, Vriska. You can't just do that!

@martinkhall asked: "What is treasure but a fortune, waiting to be found?" Or stolen if you're the THIEF of Light.

Son of a bitch. That's why she's a pirate, isn't it?

Because a Thief of Light is someone who steals fortunes!

@manorinthewoods asked: Eidolons. A species purpose-built to play Sburb, while breaking every mechanic you can solely with biology. Eidolons don't sleep, and live in a hive mind. Their psychologies are very poor at recognising distinct things, with Eidolons seeing the world more in terms of a blur of colors and shapes. They thus have a very difficult time understanding Classes and Aspects, never mind that their mythology never involved deities, and they never invented chess, or games of any sort… ~LOSS (15/4/24)

The idea of a species engineered from the ground up to be Players does raise the interesting question of whether there was a first species to play Sburb.

Of course, with all the time-loops we've been working with, there might not have been a first species - unless Sburb was 'created' in some sort of metatemporal space, 'before' any loops were put in place.

@manorinthewoods submitted: You are very good at analysing Vriska's psyche. Vriska's character was executed very well, I think, and I would hate her with a burning passion platonically but to a high degree if I knew her in real life. She's just… really horrible. She's a horrible person. And half her shtick is that she keeps evading consequences in spite of that. All of her mental torture of Tavros, for instance, ends in her becoming the most powerful player in the session. What sort of justice is that, Terezi? ~LOSS (15/4/24)

She hasn't entirely evaded consequences, but it's undeniable that none of the consequences she's experienced have actually stopped her from doing the things she does.

She's lost an arm, an eye, she's been beaten up, she's bled to death, and literally none of it has caused her to let up on Tavros, even a little. Letting up on Tavros, to her, would be worse than any physical harm, because it would be an attack on her worldview.

@sanctferum asked: "Has anything come of this since, actually? I haven’t heard anything about this new comic – although I do scroll in the opposite direction any time I see a reference to Homestuck, so I guess it makes sense that I wouldn’t." - The general feel I've gotten from the community has been largely positive re: the new Homestuck 2 updates, which have indeed been happening. It's being updated once per month for now, so a lot slower going than non-hiatused OG Homestuck. But I'm enjoying it so far!

Once a month seems more sustainable than Hussie's original barely-believable pace for the comic. With Hussie no longer at the helm, expecting daily panels seems like a pretty big ask - most people don't have the time, money or energy do what Hussie did.

Anonymous asked: I don't know if you read UTDR fanfiction, but this Tavros and Vriska situation reminds me a little bit of Flowey Is Not A Good Life Coach. she's trying to push him to his limits and torture him into being someone who will kill, and he just won't. say, what's your read on comparing Flowey : Vriska?

Flowey does what he does because he's lost his emotions, but Vriska does what she does because she's consumed by her emotions.

If anything, Flowey has more in common with Aradia. They're both time-travelers whose ability to feel is somewhat compromised.

Anonymous asked: WHATTTTTT HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN BACK???????? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STILL ON A LONG ASS HIATUS BUT I JUST JOW DISCOVERED TUMBLR ISNT GIVING ME POST NOTIFICATIONS FOR YOU ANYMORE EVEN THOUGH I HAVE IT TURNED ON FOR YOU AND IT WORKS FOR OTHER BLOGS???? WHAT THE HELL. IM GOING INSANE.

This has happened before - but before, I was also removed from Tumblr's search function, which doesn't seem to be the case this time.

Is anyone else having issues with Wertsearch post notifications?

@elkian asked: So has anyone mentioned the godhood joke yet? (The God Tiers costumes have hoods. God Hoods. Badum-tish)

LOL, I did miss that.

Anonymous asked: Fun Homestuck fact! After writing Karkat, someone brought up that the writer of the 'Programming For [Expletive]s' book sounded a lot like Karkat. Andrew responded by telling them to imagine that it was actually written in all caps, basically canonizing that the 'Programming For [Expletive]s' book was written by Karkat. At least, I think that's how that went? ~LOSS (28/2/23)

And it could be any Karkat, too. Maybe one of the Karkats from a doomed timeline actually learned to code from Sollux, and became a famous ~ATH developer.

@morganwick asked: So with conversation 8=8 apparently taking place in the immediate aftermath of Rose destroying her gate (even technically during Descend), and Rose's attitude towards Kanaya in the part of it that we see, does that change how much you think her attitude in their previous conversations reflects her genuine mental state?

Oh yeah, no, I’m pretty sure she was genuinely in a bad mood here. Not really so much because of Kanaya, and I think the anger directed at Kanaya specifically was inauthentic, but the bad mood itself was real. She'd recently been injected with several months of traumatic memories, after all.

@manorinthewoods asked: That panel, of John in Vriska's 'fabulous outfit', is actually pretty neat, because you can see from the proportions how young John really is. He's small, not even fully a teenager yet, and he's been thrown into this chaotic world of humans and trolls, quadrants, violence and danger. Everyone in the game must be scared, in some degree, but none of them ever show it. It makes you wonder just how strong Skaia's children really are. ~LOSS (29/4/23)

Seriously. In what universe are 13-year-olds the people most qualified to make universes? Sburb has some very funny ideas about the optimal way it should be played.

I suppose this is something that had to be true, though, for Homestuck to be the coming-of-age story that Hussie wanted it to be.

Anonymous asked: My interpretation has always been that "the Blind Prophets" are actually just Terezi herself, in a time loop-y/predestined way. She's blind, her class is Seer, AKA prophet, and those are her numerals. Also, on an unrelated note, but to weigh in on your last ask, according to Latin conventions, the plural of lusus is lusus. Does Homestuck follow those conventions? Well…

Or, since there are two Seers in Homestuck, maybe they’re Terezi and Rose. She’s a Light Player, so a blinding would be suitably ironic.

Anonymous asked: re: captchalogue codes and the states of objects: it takes a relatively small change in the physical arrangement of atoms and whatnot to turn a ghost dad poster into, say, a little monsters poster, but the two have a relatively large difference between their conceptual nature. on the other hand, it would take a relatively large rearrangement of atoms to make the slime pogo ride be anything other than a slime pogo ride. perhaps this makes the former change state more easily than the latter? alternatively, maybe the captcha system just knows that all it would really take to make the slime pogo ride stop being covered in oil is soap and water and it's happy to do that on its own, but paper is harder to clean so it wants you to jump through more hoops for that one new question: if john had used his posters for alchemy before he was able to see their defacement, would the resultant objects also be beclowned? evidence seems to suggest that players with unawakened dream selves Will draw on their walls in their sleep and not see it until Ready, so there not being mechanisms in place to deal with that seems less likely than the alternative to me, but especially considering people who aren't them Can see the drawings, how??? would that even??? work??? what would've happened if john had done alchemy with the arms cake. i think it would be funny to see that

I think he’d still get the clown posters.

The kids keep accidentally making magic items, so It's clearly possible for someone to alchemize an object with properties they didn't foresee. Therefore, I think John would make what appears, to him, to be a normal poster - but Rose would still see it as it truly is.

Anonymous asked: any thoughts on what the horrorterrors are? beyond their (admittedly vague) intentions?

I think they’re a sign of the wider cosmology beyond Sburb - and, more specifically, a sign that there is a wider cosmology beyond Sburb.

I don't know if we'll necessarily get more expansion on them than we've already had, because their whole shtick is that they're unknowable. Needless to say, I'd love to be proven wrong.

[curiosity-killed]

I haven’t rlly followed the Epic musical thing but I do think the absolute funniest thing I’ve seen abt it was this “acting challenge” video where someone was acting out two different versions of the siren song but the first option was “doesn’t know what a wife is” and it just lives in my head rent free

[dayseedrawz2]

My thoughts on episode 3 + theories!!

I'll talk more about this on my YT, but for now here's a tumblr version

(SPOILERS BELOW)

Okay so starting off, my unfiltered thoughts throughout the episode

-They actually spend time together when outside the adventures aww! (Not like they really have a choice, but still neat-)

-Jax being a bitch

-"Zooble turns Straight" Welp, the whooooooole fandom was right!

-Bubbles reversed dialouge. Damn they really don't want those content farms no more.

-CAINE AN POMNI INTERACTION YEAAAA (It was one piece of dialogue I'm so delusional)

-He made this adventure JUST for Zooble cuz they never go and he really wants them to GUYS HES NOT A VILLAN SEE?

-Jax being a bitch

-LUIGIS MANSION REFRENCE FUCKING YESSS

-Wow the visual here are super pretty :o

-...and horrifying

-Jax being a bitch

-I haven't mentioned yet but the lil quirky powers or whatever are cool

-Wow the lore Caine writes for these stories is just like your average artist who torments their OCs (he so me fr)

-2D ANIMATION!!! Also Kinger and Pomni being like the funniest duo ever

-HOLY FRICKLE FRACKLE THEY DEFINITELY DID NOT WANT CONTENT FARMS TO FIND THIS EPISODE

-the monster is awesome looking tho

-THE THERAPY SESSION SEGMENTSS AAA

-Also Caine has a Trans flag hanging somewhere in the circus neat

-He forgot he could use his powers to just teleport Zooble to him lol

-Back to the spooky stuff

-Wow Kinger can actually use a gun! (Never thought I'd be saying that sentence-)

-KINGER AND POMNI GO TO ACTUAL HELL WHILE THE REST JUST HAVE A TEA PARTY WITH MARTHA

-Also JAX IS TIED UP BAHAHAHA

- "You know how men are, always having the silliest priorities..." "Heh, dont i know it!" I think the bunny doll shippers really like that scene

-Zooble has some sorta body dismorphia and has opened up about it to Caine multiple times seems like

-Uhh Caine... you okay buddy? CAINE YOU GOOD BRO? CAI

-CAINE HAS EMOTIONS/SELF AWARNESS CONFIRMED???

-Pomni gets fucking posessed ok

-now we know why it looked like kinger was hitting Pomni with the shotgun

-KINGER AND QUEENIE WERE MARRIED CONFIRMED???

-Father daughter bonding aww...

-I love how the whole fandom took one good look at Ragatha and went:

GAY GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GA-

-also Pomni and Ragatha are on good terms now aww...

-Caine and Zooble Should Pass that pipe from ep 2 and legitemently vent to each other

-Jax is pissed because the Jester actually had a good fucking day for once lmao stay mad

-NOW WE KNOW WHY HE STAYS IN THAT PILLOWFORT IM GONNA FUCKIN CRY NOW

Overall, this was definitely my favorite episode so far! The team is getting better each and every episode! SOOO much happened here!! I'm super excited to see what happens next!!

Okay, THEORY TIME!!

-Okay so to start lightly, so far, all the episodes we've seen contain:

Gangles mask breaking

Jax breaks the 4th wall

A cute/sad heart to heart conversation or interaction

A reference to angels or god or Christianity in some way

Interesting right?? Wonder if this keeps up...

-On the topic of Christianity, I saw a theory saying that if it's true that the gang developed the game (which may be true because of that computer science line), When Pomni says "I knew it would end up like this... He just wants me to suffer..." she may not be referring to Caine, but her Boss at CnA.

If that boss exists and is NOT named able, Imma be mildly upset-

-Okay, Alot of people have been talking about Jax being an NPC, and I wanna bring up my opinion on this:

As I mentioned earlier, he always breaks the 4th wall, witch could be seen as a character in a game being like "What do YOU think?" *Insert Game Options here*

I saw another theory saying that if this is true, Jax might be self aware or sentient to some degree, and This is why he tortures everyone. He knows that this world Revolves around the players and nit him so he wants to make them more miserable.

-OKAY, NOW WHAT (I) WEVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR... THE WHOLE DEAL WITH CAINE GLITCHING OUT AN' STUFF!

As one of many Caine angst connisuars on this platform, I really enjoyed this scene...

Caine knows that he only exists to make adventures and if he can't do it well enough than he serves ZERO purpouse and his existence is useless... (he's just like me fr)

This has SO MUCH POTENTIAL FOR A SERIES FINALE.

Since in each episode we've (mostly) seen a character being comforted (mostly Either Pomni being comforted OR someone being comforted BY Pomni)

What if the last episode had Caine and Pomni having a heart to heart?

(Shutup this is not about showtime I swear let me have this-)

Someone abstracts, (Ragatha or Kinger probably,) and it's Caine's last straw. He finally breaks and the circus goes into ruins. Pomni does her best to comfort him. This could go one of two ways:

Either she sucseeds and happy ending for everyone :D

OR, they fail and The Circus is destroyed, Taking Caine down with it.

Maybe then that would be how they escape cuz if Caine is emotionaly attached to the circus, it would be completely destroyed or erased if Caine finally broke...

The angst potential is crazy...

This is terrifyingly close to what I wanted to do with R-M AU UHHH I MEAN-

Anywayyyy I believe that's all! If yall have anymore theories lemme know!!

[angelsdean]

i also think, along with the last name changes, to keep from being recognized as known serial killers in their post-canon retired lives, they need to change up their looks. cas too. he looks like the aged version of the still missing jimmy novak.

which ties in well with my personal headcanons for post-canon long-haired, beardy dean. cas can grow out some facial hair too i think. and sam, well. we all know what he needs to do, much to dean's glee. he needs to finally cut that damn hair. (funniest option: bald sam)

[baradorable]

Marvel is about to introduce a villain called the Krakoan, who is an X-Man gone rogue. It's pretty obvious that this villain is actually Hellion. And people are split on that. Some feel that it's out of character for him. Some prefer him as a hero, or don't want him to have his character ruined, ala Nature Girl or Beast.

But who IS Hellion? If you're willing to sit through my long-ass post about him, odds are you already know and love him. But let's pretend that you don't know who he is. I'll talk about where he started, what might have lead him to becoming a villain, and why everybody will be investing in #HellionWasRight stocks in a few months.

And if we're all wrong, and Hellion is not the Krakoan? Well, no one will give a shit about the Krakoan anymore anyway, so no big deal.

First off, what is a "Krakoan?"

We'll get to that. But for now, you just need to know that the X-Men had an island nation called Krakoa. Now it's gone and it's all because no one listened to Hellion, despite him being right about everything that has ever happened.

Who is Hellion?

I'm letting you all know right now: this is blatant Hellion propaganda. Everything I said is coming from a place of heavy, heavy bias. But there will be some objectivity, in that Hellion is objectively perfect.

It's tough to summarize Hellion, because who he is has changed over the years. Though some writers might forget this, he's actually a fairly nuanced mutant who has undergone notable shifts in his character.

Introduced in New Mutants (2003) #2, he basically starts off as Draco Malfoy, if Draco was trying to bang Harry Potter.

Julian Keller, AKA Hellion, was a spoiled rich kid from California with advanced telekinetic abilities. Something that will stick out immediate is that he was hilariously petty. Like he would take any opportunity to insult people he dislikes, often for no reason. Half of his dialogue is him choosing to be a jerk to anyone outside of his social group, starting drama, or otherwise being a generic early 2000's bully archetype.

And it was amazing. Seriously, he had some of the funniest lines in the book.

He was so over the top and crude that he ended up being hilarious. He was classist, exclusionist, and a little sexist. When presented with the option of Bullying Others, and Literally Anything Else, he would choose bullying.

Julian was Emma Frost's protege and star pupil, so naturally he shares a lot of that bitchy charisma. When the school was divided into Harry Potter house-style squads, Emma put Julian in charge of his own squad, the Hellions. She also let the Hellions pick their codenames. Guess which codename Julian picked.

Emma advised him to be humble after he and his squad won a school competition. What was the very first thing he did once he got the trophy?

You would hate him so much if he were real. He's every 13 year old boy in 2003. Look at him exposing Elixir's affair to Elixir's girlfriend, solely out of pettiness.

I'd post more, but I already hit the image limit. Which is a shame, because I wanted to share the panel of him making fun of Josh for his parents abandoning him.

Hellion's original creators had this to say about him.

Back when we were working on New X-Men, we had a message board called “The Grind Stone” on the site X-Fan. One of the fans there consistently referred to Julian as “shnasty.” That person defined it as a combination of sexy and nasty. Urban dictionary these days refers to it as shitty, hot and nasty. We think that works for Julian, except when we wrote him he didn’t look like shit - not ever. He just acted like it. Once we left, he got a little more disheveled for a while, and probably better embodied the full modern version of “shnasty.” Either way, we think that’s his secret. He can treat you like shit but then turn around and be a gentleman. He sometimes acts like hot garbage but looks fine doing it.

He's catchy, offensive, brutal and gross, but with youth appeal. And if his character was just that, then bravo. He's hilarious. He wouldn't need depth to be an icon. He'd just be this little gremlin of a being, showing up and delivering devastating one-liners like some proto-Chanel Oberlin. But that's not all to his character. Despite being a supporting character in a book about teen drama, he was actually a complex character.

He's a great leader and strategist. He could lead a team, he was willing to be pragmatic and bend the rules, and his plans helped his team beat out every other student during that aforementioned school competition. It was a team effort, but Hellion knew his friends' strengths and how to get them working well.

He has a natural charisma that draws people to him. He's the big man on campus for a reason. It's best exemplified in New X-Men (2004) #5, where he sees all the other students turning their backs on a mutant called Wither.

Wither had unintentionally killed his father when his death touch power first manifested. The authorities would come bearing down on the school, looking to arrest him and have him face the law for his actions. It was an accident, completely out of his control, and Wither has been wrestling with the guilt ever since. Now there was a chance that he would be thrown in jail for it.

Wither was vulnerable and in pain, but it seemed like so many people were turning against him. Hellion, who had previously been bullying Wither for his powers, saw the scorn, gossiping and scrutiny Wither had been getting from the rest of the student body. And he had to stand up and say something.

He gives a rousing speech to everyone in the cafeteria, pointing out how many of the people who were mocking him had caused others harm with their powers in the past. He derides them for not helping out of of their own, and that any one of them could be next on the chopping block if they let Wither go without a fight. If they're not willing to support each other, they're terrible mutants.

His radical speech gets one person comparing him to Magneto. And that's not entirely wrong.

Hellion and the Hellions (along with another mutant, Wind Dancer) would work together to try and bust Wither out of police custody. It was a stupid plan that would only create more problems for them, and it would ultimately be worse than what actually happened: Wither would face trial, where he would be found innocent in the murder of his father. Wither would be free and no longer be in trouble with the authorities.

But that's the thing with Hellion: he's passionate. He might will think with his heart over his head when it comes to mutant rights. Especially when it comes to those he cares about. He's quick to take the hostile and violent path if he thinks it's right. Despite being an asshole, he's a bleeding heart who will go to the extremes for those he loves.

Wither and Hellion would go on to have a life-long friendship spanning months, as Wither would leave the school, get statutory raped by an immortal vampire witch, become a villain and die shortly after M-Day.

Hellion was always looking down on humans - and why shouldn't he? They're not part of his social group, he's not really one of them. But while he'd call them apemen and flatscans, he didn't believe in killing. In fact, he was opposed to killing even in self-defense.

That last part would change over time. But that's only because this cruel world stole every last bit of innocence and joy out of him.

Or how about the time the villainous Kingmaker offered him and his friends all their wishes, in exchange for working for him? He and his friends would eventually chose to give up their dreams and stop the Kingmaker's plans, because that was the right thing to do. Because the Hellions are heroes.

Over the years, Hellion would mature as a person. There would be less emphasis on him bullying others, and more emphasis on him enduring tragedies, fighting for the sake of others, struggling with anger and abandonment, and be forced to make more radical moves against the world. While he doesn't look that jerkish spark of his (and some writers would roll him back to a generic bully character whenever the plot called for it), he would become a lot more mature than he was at his debut. He was no longer a high school bully, but an anti-hero of young man with a talent for leadership, a lot of charisma, and big heart that got him into trouble.

Since we're on the subject of friends, let's delve more into some of his relationships. A key part of understanding his character is seeing how he treats others.

Hellion and the Hellions

So New Mutants (2003) and its sequel book, New X-Men (2004) primarily focused on the New Mutants squad. Hellion and the Hellions would be so popular that they would get their own mini and eventually become main characters. But the early books were centered around the New Mutants.

The Hellions are antagonists, the Slytherins to their Gryffindors. Except their dynamic is a lot more complicated than you'd think.

The New Mutants are lead by Wind Dancer, who is also Hellion's first love interest. While Wind Dancer has a huge heart and a knack for bringing out the best in others, the team would fall apart over personal drama. Bitterness, resentment and insecurity would bubble for a long time, culminating in the group briefly splitting up. It would take a lot of work getting them to resolve their issues and be friends again.

This is where the Hellions act as foils. Sure, they might antagonize the New Mutants. Hellion might tease some of them. But the group functions way better as a unit, and they don't have the same interpersonal drama as the New Mutants. They're a cohesive team of friends who support each other.

The Hellions got to star in their own mini, and it delivered on the friendship. In the first issue, we see Hellion picking a fight with airport security for his friends' sake. Instead of going for a more peaceful route, he's quick to order his team and bust out their powers. When Dust chases security down to try and reason with them, he's annoyed that she put herself at risk.

The series is peppered with moments between the various Hellions, which is really nice. I recommend it not just for Hellion, but for the whole Hellions squad. Every one of them is a unique character, and I think they deserve love. There's a reason why New X-Men would revolve more and more around the Hellions.

You won't be surprised to know that Hellion doesn't make fun of fellow Hellion, Mercury, when she's feeling some heartache. Without any sense of sarcasm or irony, he sits down with her and has a heart to heart. No ulterior motives, no gotcha - Hellion is there to support his friends.

One fun thing about Hellion is that he's a huge hypocrite. He will regularly insult others outside his group of friends. But he would rarely hurt his friends, and he'd be the first to defend him. This is most evident in New Mutants (2003) #8, Surge's introduction issue. He's quick to accept his friend Anole's strange mutation and chides Elixir for not being as accepting. In the next couple of pages, he insults a homeless girl, tells her she smells bad and refuses to offer any sort of help.

When M-Day happens and Prodigy got depowered, Hellion kicked him while he's down and belittled the guy. He mocked him for being human now. But when he found out that his beloved Wind Dancer is depowered, he tried to comfort her and disregarded everything he previously said about Prodigy. Because Julian holds his friends to a completely different standard than he does others.

He has an incredible amount of loyalty and empathy, but much of that is reserved for his own inner circle. He might be slow to warm up to someone, but once you're in, you're in for the long haul. Unless you really mess up or your name is Josh.

Mutants as a whole are part of that circle, in a way. He won't be friends with every mutant, but he would defend them all with his life. Even though a lot of them don't appreciate his efforts.

Emma Frost

His relationship with Emma is pretty good: she encourages his rowdy behavior because she sees potential in him. He has that same spark, attitude and guile she does. She recognizes that he has the potential to be a great leader, and he does everything he can to meet her expectations. She tends to be lenient on him. She'll bail him out of trouble. When others write him off or turn their backs on him, she's standing with him. But in return, she makes it clear that she expects nothing short of amazing out of him.

Boy, I sure hope nothing ruins this bond.

Prodigy

Speaking of people who don't appreciate Hellion. David Alleyne, AKA Prodigy, was a frequent target of Hellion's bullying. Julian would mock Prodigy for having a lame power [Being able to temporarily absorb skills and thoughts from others around him], and sometimes it would get under David's skin. He really knew how to dig into Prodigy's insecurities and hurt him with them. In turn, Prodigy was always ready to fight back against Hellion and put him in his place whenever he could.

Here's Prodigy's then-girlfriend kissing Hellion, right in front of him.

This is horribly out of context, I just thought it was funny to bring up.

The two would butt heads constantly. Over the years, more tragedies would be thrown at them. They'd mature and function better as a group, but there would always be tension between them, for one reason or another. Both of them are opinionated, and their opinions tend to differ.

Why am I bringing Prodigy up? Prodigy will be a main character in the upcoming NYX book, which is where the Krakoan will debut. The two don't have the most meaningful relationship, but it could easily come into play at some point in the book.

Wind Dancer (Sofia Mantega)

Sofia Mantega was the primary character of New Mutants (2003) and much of New X-Men (2004,) She was the Harry Potter that this Draco Malfoy wants to bang. Sofia was the newcomer to the world of mutants. She was confident, outgoing and stuck to her principals. Despite being very gentle, amiable and friendly, she was strong-willed. She knew how to stand up for herself and others.

Julian and Sofia flirted throughout New Mutants. There was an instant rapport between the two. But that doesn't mean it's all smooth sailings. One of my favorite examples of this comes from issue 3. Julian reached out to Sofia, and she says she liked dancing. As they made plans to go somewhere, Laurie Collins (Wallflower) passed by. While Sofia eagerly makes lunch plans with Laurie, Julian dismissed Laurie and called her a freak.

Sofia responds by hitting Julian's ear with compressed air, making him lose his balance. She and Laurie walked away, leaving him behind.

Sofia knew Julian was a bad boy and a jerk, and she'd stand up to him when she saw him doing something she disapproved of. But she still liked him. She was never afraid to give him a taste of his own medicine, and he loved her for it.

From their first meeting in issue 2, we saw what there were similarities between them. The most obvious would be their powers: they could both fly, and Sofia's power lets her manipulate objects with the same precision as a telekinetic's psychic force.

Like Julian, Sofia was great with people. Unlike Julian, she wasn't one to discriminate. While Julian was quick to brush off and demean Wallflower, Sofia was quick to befriend her.

During class, Julian was quick to tell newcomer David Alleyne (Prodigy) to stay away from Kevin Ford (Wither,) because his powers were dangerous. Meanwhile, when Wallflower worried about how lonely Wither was, Sofia invited him to hang out with them. She dismissed Wither's concerns about his powers. She wasn't afraid to be his friend.

Josh Foley (Elixir), a former Purifier recruit, came to the school after previously turning them down. While Prodigy was quick to turn against him, Sofia listened to how Elixir's own family turned against him for being a mutant. She related to him and gave him a second chance.

While Prodigy and Sofia would be co-leader of the New Mutants squad, Sofia was the glue that held them together. However, her caring side did get her into trouble: she followed Julian and the Hellions on a mission to bust Wither out of police custody; she wanted to help, but didn't know what to do and needed some guidance.

Speaking of the Wither incident, it briefly took a toll on Julian and Sofia's relationship. She at first helped the Hellions, but Sofia would ultimately side with her squad and turn against the Hellions, feeling like it was the right thing to do. Julian saw it as a betrayal. It soured their relationship for a bit, though the two would make up in a later arc, when a protective Hellion helped the New Mutants deal with a ghost. He was there for her, even when they were not on speaking terms.

Imo, this was the crux of Julian and Sofia's relationship: they were both popular, charismatic and and good with people. They were passionate about helping those they care about. The difference was that Sofia opens her heart up to more people, while Julian cares more about his inner circle.

The relationship helped to humanize Julian and show that, despite his attitude, there was a lot of good in him. Even if most people couldn't see it. This girl saw that he was a good person and she stuck by him, but she also didn't let him get his way or take advantage of her kindness. And that helped make him a better person.

Conversely, Julian was a fun foil to Sofia. He could give her advice, be there when she needed someone to talk to, and he'd never treat her like he treated her squad. He was a jerk, but he had the purest intentions with her. He was the first student she met at the school, and he was there for her through the good and the bad.

Julian also has a pet name for her: Beautiful. He uses it a few times. And yes, it's important to mention this fact.

It was a very pure, wholesome relationship. Two high school sweethearts who were also on rival teams. Sofia brought the best out of Julian, and Julian bettered himself for her. They butted heads, had their ups and downs, and would let their emotions blind them. But in the end, they loved each other.

Gee, I hope some witch doesn't swoop in and ruin everything with a magic spell.

The two would end up falling out, but they weren't really over each other. After Sofia left the school, we'd see her still dream about being with her friends and kissing Hellion. Meanwhile, Laura would catch Julian muttering Sofia's name in his sleep.

Wolverine/X-23 (Laura Kinney)

"You were dead the second you touched Julian Keller." - Laura, to Lady Deathstrike

When it comes to Laura romances, there are two that are popular with fans: Jubilee/X-23, and Hellion/X-23. Opinions on Laura's other ships tend to range from decent-ish, to mid, to terrible. Hellion/Laura (also known by their combo name, Helix) is, by far, the most popular ship. To this day, 13 years after the pairing was torpedoed, it retains an active fanbase. And they were never officially a couple!

So when Laura first came to Xavier's School of Witchcraft and Mutantry, she wasn't in a good place. She was a former child soldier who was only taught to kill. She was a former teen prostitute who was constantly being abused by others. She had and lost friends. She was forced to kill her own mother. She was barely allowed to feel her own emotions. And right when she meets Wolverine - her father/the man she was cloned from - she's dropped off at a school full of strangers. In the middle of a crisis, where students were being hunted down and killed. Everyone treats her with suspicion and fear, and Emma Frost is doing everything in her power to get her out of the school entirely.

And then there's the school bully. Right off the bat, he was dismissive of her, cracked jokes at her expense, and even teased her a bit. He lets her hang out with his group, but he's not very sympathetic to her trauma. Of course, he wasn't projecting images of her dead mother into her head, so he was better than Emma here.

Things turned around when the students were asked to fight against each other, in order to determine who is strong enough to be on the New X-Men team after M-Day. Emma used this opportunity to try and have X-23 taken out of commission. She wanted Hellion to ensure she got hurt.

Instead, Hellion ended up protecting her. Emma was furious. She picked Surge as team leader over him out of spite, and made it clear that he was very disappointed in Hellion.

Over the course of New X-Men, their relationship would evolve into a close connection. Julian would be protective of her. He would risk his life for her. He pushed his powers to the absolute limits and had Emma break away any mental restraints on them, so he could use them to save her life.

Through her crush on Julian, Laura began to truly experience many of her emotions. All her friends at school helped her process and grow, but the growing romance between these two kids was especially endearing. Despite being partly scared of her, Hellion would stand by her. He'd even go on to call her his best friend. When everyone else treats her with suspicion, or they suspected her of falling back to her violent ways, he was the first one to jump to her defense and see the absolute best in her.

Let's not forget the time Laura was ready to kill her arch-enemy, Karima. She knew Karima was to dangerous to let live, and she told Hellion that they had to kill her. But Hellion declined. He wanted him and Laura to be better than that. Hellion wanted to help break her out of that way of thinking.

Their dynamic sort of shifted as things went on. In that Hellion becomes this sort of damsel in distress who gets horribly injured and needs to be saved by Laura. She even went to Hell with a demon in order to save him. The most notable example of Hellion's Tragic Love Interest-ification is the time Lady Deathstrike shanked Hellion.

Laura totally lost it and beat Lady Deathstrike's ass.

These were two broken people. They suffered so much throughout their short lives. But then they found each other. They were broken together, but they found happiness. They bought out the best in each other, and showed the other that they are more than the tragedies they've endured.

There are a lot more nuances to the relationship, such as Hellion being more accepting of Laura's quirks and insecurities, how some fans interpret their dynamic as a play on traditional gender roles, how Laura was portrayed in their dynamic, how it styles over every other Laura romance. You can ask pretty much any Helix fan about the relationship, and they'll all have different aspects on the pairing. Some I haven't listed or even considered. I'm really just covering the barest essentials.

I just hope no writer comes in and ruins their relationship.

Other Loves: Ships that Pass in the Night

Hellion dated Shark-Girl for a bit, and once flirted with Armor. He also took three of the surviving Stepford Cuckoos to the school dance, at the same time - though he immediately ditched them for Wind Dancer. However, years later, one panel had one of the girls casually mention that they were going on a date with him.

Remember Prodigy's blue-haired girlfriend? She was the homeless girl Hellion had previously bullied. The two would have some animosity over the years, largely due to them being two stubborn, strong-headed individuals. Neither of them liked to take the other's crap, though to be fair, Hellion was usually the one causing trouble. The two would eventually be the New X-Men team together, and they would come to respect and care for each other. While there wasn't an actual romance between them in the main continuity, the two were shown to be married in one future, in the non-canon Battle of the Atom mobile game.

There was also that time he and Diamondback briefly flirted.

Fun fact: Hellion has a thing for powerful women. Women who can take charge, or are outspoken, are in control, or otherwise strong. If they can kill him, he can bed them. While all of his love interests have different personalities, they're all powerful women in one way or another.

Also, Wind Dancer and Shark-Girl are both Latinas. Laura (at the time) and the Cuckoos were also clones, of Wolverine and Emma Frost, respectively. (Well, I SAY clones, but technically none of those characters are clones in the strictest sense. It's a whole thing, but oddly enough they still share that in common.) Point is, the man has a type.

Ready for yet another fun fact: Hellion went on a date with all three Cuckoos at once. At best, Quentin Quire got with only one of them. He managed to officially date that Cuckoo, as opposed to just going on dates. But Quire was also responsible for another one of the others Cuckoos dying, which I feel cancels it out.

My favorite Hellion ship, you ask? Thank you for asking, reader. And to be honest, I don't know. On paper, the tragic romance of Helix is compelling and dramatic. It's very easy to see why the ship endured nearly 20 years later. It'd be a slam dunk... if Hell-Dancer wasn't so compelling, charming and sweet. For me, these two ships are usually neck and neck.

I'm also partial to Surge/Hellion, and a bit of Hellion/Rockslide. There was also a fake leak going around back in the day, claiming something along the lines of Emma hooking up with Hellion and getting impregnated by him. Fans on Tumblr were going mental over it, even if no one took it seriously. I love that for us. I love that for them. Sometimes you don't want a good romance. Sometimes you want to see nuclear fallout. It's like watching MILF Manor, but it's even more gross. You know it's bad and it's not something you would even enjoy watching. But you still want to see the mess it creates.

The Keller Family

What kind of people would create Hellion? Looking at how their son turned out, they must have done a great job. Only super-parents could have crafted perfection, right?

Actually, no. It turned out that Hellion is perfect, amazing, and the best character in all of fiction, DESPITE them.

We got the first red flag when Parents Week rolled around. Julian manipulated his teacher Northstar into getting him out of work duty. He gave a sob story about how his parents don't want to see him, though as Anole pointed out, his parents really didn't come to see him. Julian casually waved this off, stating that his parents were busy skiing in the Alps.

Hellion was not only bragging about manipulating someone, but he was bragging about his parents blowing off their own son to have fun. He only focused on how they're doing something cool and elitist. At that point in time, they had likely not seen or spoken to their son in months. He was aware how the situation would be seen as unacceptable by others, but was seemingly incapable of recognizing it on a personal level.

In the past, his parents spent 10 thousand dollars on Julian's 12th birthday party. Hellion casually stated that L.A. parties hard to compete with, meaning that this type of excess was normal for people in the area. Considering he mentioned "competing" and his parents would be shown to care about their image, I wouldn't be surprised if all this attention was not just about Julian having a great birthday, but also making the Kellers could look good. Hell, when you get to know his parents more, you could argue that his parents only cared about looking good.

They were powerful and had connections, to the point where Hellion was able to casually call up the Department of Homeland Security to help him out. Hellion clearly got his Trust Fund Baby attitude from.

Hellion's parents would debut in the 2004 mini, New X-Men: Hellions. (That's right. Hellion's Hellions book walked so Krakoa's Hellions book could run.) They were immensely disappointed in their son causing a scene at an airport, using their connections to get out of it, and bringing his friends to their house without telling them.

Julian's father was shown to dislike his son's mutation. He didn't like that his son had to go to the Xavier Institute, and he was glad that his son mutation was easy to hide. While he was angry at his son for using his powers and making a scene, it was clear that he only cared about how it affected the Kellers' image.

Hellion's mother was a little more understanding. She was softer spoken. While she compared him unfavorably to his older brother James, she was fine with her younger child walking his own path. But she also sided with Daddy Hellion, because they worked too hard and didn't want their son to risk their assets.

Hellion's parents had cut Hellion out of the will. The family business and all of their money would go to James. Hellion and his friends were welcome to stay at the house, and Hellion was still family. But no way were they letting their twerp kid make them look bad or endanger their comfy lifestyle.

Then they left Hellion and his friends to go on vacation.

The moment Mama and Daddy Hellion left, Julian enlisted the help of his friends to root through their personal belongings to find something to use against his parents. Despite originally telling his friends that his parents were self-made billionaires, he made his thoughts clear to them once they cut him off. No one could make so much money, so quickly.

We got a rough timeline how things went down: they were making about 30k a year, 18 months before Hellion turned 12. Around that time, their company went international and became incredibly profitable. Considering Hellion was stated to be 16 at this time, this means that they became international moguls and billionaires in less than a decade.

So what was the source of their success? It turned out that they used magic to perform a dark ritual, summoned an evil being known as the Kingmaker, and then formed a sort of Faustian bargain with him for all their wealth and power.

Hellion and the Hellions summoned the Kingmaker, at first not actually thinking it would work. But nah, it worked. Kingmaker would offer all of them their hearts desires. But as we covered earlier, the kids eventually chose to give up on their wishes to stop his evil plans.

Hellion's parents were extremely pissed at Julian for running afoul with their benefactor. Mama Hellion reminded her son that they couldn't protect him from someone as powerful as the Kingmaker. But Hellion dismissed him and pointed out how his parents were the ones who got in bed with a villain, and the Kingmaker would more likely go after them, since Hellion and his friends were strong enough to beat him up.

Yet despite being disinherited, being treated like the family shame for being born a mutant, and finding out his parents teamed up with bad people for their own personal gain, Hellion still wanted to be there for them.

Despite Hellion's loyalty, his family would never return it. In fact, this would be the last thing he would ever say to them. Because they would eventually cut him off completely, sell their house and not even tell him where they moved to. They would abandon their son when he needed them most.

At least the other guardians in Hellion's life weren't letting him down, right?

Abandoned!

We have a character who thrives through his connections with others. But what happens when we take them all away?

Just after the Hellions' big summer blow-out against the Kingmaker, M-Day happened. M-Day - also known as Decimation, which should give you a good idea of what it entailed - saw the Pretender (AKA the Scarlet Witch, AKA the Scarlet Bitch, AKA the Harlot Witch) saying, "Haha no more mutants, eunh 😜" and depowering the vast majority of mutants. Their numbers, previously in the thousands (being in around the millions before the Genosha genocide) were now in the very, very, very low hundreds. Cerebro clocked a 91.4% remaining reduction in the mutant population.

To be fair, Wanda was going through some things at the time, and it's not like she was in the right mindspace after others were taking advantage of her mental breakdown for their own personal gain. She was a victim. But to be unfair, it's also the start of everything going wrong for Hellion.

Xavier's school was absolutely wrecked by this. The vast majority of students were depowered, some of them dying as a consequence.

Among the depowered students was Prodigy, and Hellion was quick to swoop in and make fun of him for it. Including stating that Prodigy didn't belong with them at the school, now that he was human. He assumed Prodigy was ready to abandon the mutants now that he could be "normal."

Unfortunately, Wind Dancer overheard what Hellion said. As it turned out, she'd also been depowered by the Pretender. She turned the situation back around on Julian and asked if she was less "Beautiful" to him now, and not worthy of being loved in his eyes. Angry, Wind Dancer stormed off and stopped talking to Hellion.

Once again, hypocrisy. Julian would think that about Prodigy, and he was ready to make things harder for him. Hellion would never see Sofia as anything less, whether she be human or mutant. The thought wouldn't even occur to him. Julian loved Sofia. He'd never hurt her on purpose. But through his own attitude and carelessness, he ended up hurting her the most.

At that time, Wither was also going through some things. He accidentally mangled his crush's arm with his death power, and that drove her further into the arms of Wither's rival, Elixir. Already heartbroken that over the torment his powers had brought him, Wither became more withdrawn.

Hellion was stuck trying to reach out to both Wither and Wind Dancer, but he couldn't be fully there for both of them at the same time. He was unable to reach out to Wither and stop him from running away from the school. They would not see each other again until Necrosha, half a decade later in real time. By then, Wither would be their enemy.

Sofia also quietly left without telling Julian. The two would never even see or speak to her for over 14 years IRL.

But that wasn't the end of it. Tag, one of the Hellions and Julian's best friend, also felt hurt. Julian was so worried about Wither and especially Sofia, he completely neglected to see Tag's pain. He had also been depowered, and was worried he didn't belong with them anymore. Tag, along with most of the other depowered students, would leave the school. He and many other kids boarded a schoolbus and prepared to leave their old life behind.

And then a missile hit the bus, killing all inside. Hellion and his friends would get injured in the attack, trying and failing to save the other kids. Julian was just about to reach Tag and save him, only for the bus to explode and severely injure Hellion for his troubles.

42 children died in that attack. 15 of them were buried in the X-Men's own backyard because even their families didn't want them.

Well, at least the Marvel universe had a ton of heroes who could help out during these trying times. In fact, here comes Carol Danvers to... Oh no, wait. She's just here to try and get the mutants to help her side in the Civil War event. All the other heroes are too busy fighting each other to protect these kids. That's a shame.

At least the government stepped in with Sentinels, who would stand guard outside the mansion and protect the kids. And by that, I mean that they did absolutely nothing and completely failed at their jobs. Because assassins managed to sneak into the school and kill even more kids.

The remaining X-kids would go on to have several misadventures, including getting themselves involved in X-23's life when her old enemies come knocking, fighting a time-traveling Nimrod robot from the future, fighting alongside the adults to save a mutant messiah baby, and getting kidnapped by a demon (NOT the same demon that would go on to stab Hellion, who had already been stabbed by someone else before. Hellion wasn't even involved with this demon adventure.) I won't go into detail over all the horrible things that happened to Hellion and his friends, but know that a lot happened to them.

The kids were technically under the care of the X-Men, but the X-Men were too busy, were spread too thin, and were fighting the world from all fronts to focus on the kids. So the kid were largely left to defend themselves. This is best exemplified when, after the X-Men failed to protect the kids from several attacks, Surge dismisses their help. "We already know how to die."

One issue was dedicated to the kids trying to find out which among them was the youngest. They believed that the youngest of them would become a target, and therefore more likely to be killed. They singled out the youngest kid, but they truly believed that they were all going to die.

I bring this up because this was what the X-Men tragically considered a good day. At that point, a good day was one where nobody died, nobody was tortured, and nobody's soul was torn apart.

And this isn't me exaggerating. The X-Men were openly remorseful about how they failed these kids. They explicitly stated how the kids had serious emotional and psychological trauma. But despite everything, the X-Men cared for their students. They couldn't always be there for them like they should, but they were still their guardians. They would do anything in their power to make the world a better place for them.

So anyway, Cyclops disbanded the X-Men and shut down the school. The kids they previously failed were now scattered to the wind.

Emma left Hellion. As much as she loved him and wanted to keep him safe, she knew she had to keep him away from the X-Men. He needed to be kept away from the fighting and wars for as long as he could. Maybe now he could find some semblance of a normal life and keep himself safe? At the very least, Angel paid for his hotel and food for the time being.

Anyway, Hellion found out that his parents abandoned him, so he had nowhere to go. He was now homeless and had no support system, putting him in more danger than ever.

Hellion would seek out Magneto (not in hero mode at the time) to team up with him. Magneto calls him arrogant, but desperate to please. He refused to take him in and went on to say this:

"Everything you thought you were is gone, and the only thing you had left, the only thing you held on to so tightly was that you were an X-Man. Your teachers abandoned you. Your friends died. Your heart broke. Your beliefs shattered. The X-Men failed you. So, you find me, their greatest enemy. You love them so much that you want to hurt them. But I won't use you, and I won't kill you."

He says that Cyclops had given Hellion the gift of time. He had a moment of peace and a chance to be away from all the trouble, before war would come for mutants once again. At least for now, Hellion was safe.

Then Hellion was injected with the Legacy Virus (mutant AIDS) and used as a hostage in a wicked supervillain plot. Don't worry about it, it was just a small addition to the tapestry of suffering that is his life.

Hellion Was Right

After the X-Men disassembled and anti-mutant sentiment was on the rise, Hellion took a more radical approach to dealing with issues. He'd openly protest on the street, belittle and even attack mutant bigots and haters. He had enough of the X-Men kowtowing and trying to create peace with people who wanted them dead. No more worrying about the silent majority minority of well-meaning humans, no more trying to police their own or trying to achieve co-existence. Hellion was coming more radicalized.

Hellion's radicalization was bad. He resorted to extremes, violence and anger to hurt anyone who got in his way. His actions, while meant to help mutants, were sabotaging relationships between humans and mutants.

But let's be real: there will never, ever be co-existence between humans and mutants. In real life, the drama, threat and isolation mutants face are a big part of the mutant narrative. Take that away, and the franchise seems a lot less viable.

So Marvel will constantly throw in threats of violence and extinction at mutants. It ramped up to insane degrees by the 2000's, to the point where mutants were facing extinction for over 20 years real time, and things have only been escalating. Society will only grow to hate mutants more and more.

While Hellion's radicalism isn't necessarily right, Xavier's dreams of peace are objectively wrong. If anything, the X-Men are indirectly upholding the status quo. Yeah, they also prevent things from getting worse (Days of Future Past), but much of their strides end up being undone.

Mutants would almost achieve coexistence with mutants via their nation of Krakoa, in that the mutants basically bribed the world into tolerating them and attacking them less. While Krakoa would reach out and help humans with various matters, and the books would rely much less on extinction events for stories, things were nowhere close to perfect.

I'm going to say it: Hellion was right. The X-Men were wrong. Humans can't be reasoned with so easily. They need to force their view onto others. They need to fight humans for their rights. The only reasons why they don't? Aside from status quo, it's because the X-Men and other superheroes would step in and give some speech about peaceful co-existence being the right path, even though it's hard. Not knowing that things will objectively never get better because Marvel civilians are irredeemable.

Hellion wouldn't have helped mutants with his actions. But he couldn't make things any worse at that point, because the world turned against him long before he was even alive. No matter what, mutants were fucked.

But hey, it's not like mutants can live without humans. Coexistence is necessary for their survival. It's not like they have proof that mutants would thrive without the presence of humans. Yet.

Anyway, Hellion protested and Emma & her Dark X-Men arrested them. Emma betrayed the evil fascist government run by Norman Osborn, blah blah blah, it was all cool because Emma helped him. She also punched him in the face and put him through a lot of shit, but let's ignore that. It's island time.

The Hands Job

So the X-Men decided to make an island nation, where they gathered all the stray mutants they could and offered them sanctuary. This time, was Utopia. Next time, it would be Krakoa.

Hellion would return to the field. He'd fight the good fight alongside the X-Men, protecting mutants and humanity because it's the right thing to do. Despite everything that had happened to him, he still believed in the X-Men's cause. Or at the very least, he wanted to protect those he loved.

Anyway, a Nimrod Sentinel ended up blowing off his hands.

It really messed him up. Hellion got metal prosthetic hands to and made due by puppeting them with his telekinesis. He had the option of getting mechanized hands he could control more easily, but since he was deeply traumatized by machines, having little robots at the end of his forearms was the last thing he wanted.

To be fair on Rogue, she reached out to Hellion to try and help him. She'd offer to have him go on a trip with her and others to India, though he'd decline. He wasn't in the mood to have people gawk at his missing body parts. Which, fair.

Also, Hellion got stabbed by a demon-possessed Wolverine and Laura had to save him. It's only worth mentioning because Laura peaced out after this.

He was pretty pissed off that the X-Men could always come back from the dead one way or another, yet they couldn't fix his hands. He lashed out at the mutant messiah, Hope, for doing jack shit when it came to miracles. Really busting her balls.

So the X-Men got involved with rebuilding San Fransisco after the whole... everything that had been happening these last several paragraphs. Rogue decided that Hellion should come along and help them with reconstruction. And let's get something out of the way: the X-Men were sending Hellion on a mission while he is was, self-admitted, still on painkillers following his double-amputation. Rogue meant well; it was meant to be a safe, no-action mission where Hellion could get some fresh air and put his troubles aside. And hell, maybe he could have refused the mission at any time. But like??? This child, trained to be a soldier by the X-Men, just had his hands chopped off and was thrown into work while hopped up on drugs.

Just keep this in mind. Hellion had no business being there, but the X-Men thought it was a good idea.

So Hellion was pissed off, bullied Hope for being a shitty messiah, and wantonly blew up debris, endangering everyone around him. Before he could accidentally hit anyone, Omega Sentinel (some human lady with evil robot programming that makes her turn evil sometimes, whatever who the hell cares) turned evil and started beating up all of the X-Men. Just absolutely wrecking them. They had no chance.

She would turn on Hope and a little human girl in the area. Just as Omega Sentinel was about to kill them, Hellion intervened. A miracle happened, and he got a powerup (implied, but never stated or followed up on, from Hope.) He was strong enough beat the robot lady's ass.

And he did. Repeatedly. He lost his temper and just kept viciously attacking her, all while yelling about his hatred of the machines who ruined his life and took his hands. Omega would return to her senses, but she knew it wouldn't last. She begged Hellion to finish her off. She asked him to kill her, before she could turn against her friends and harm them. She wanted to die human.

And Hellion obliged. Omega Sentinel would be left comatose.

At any rate, he saved Hope's life. Considering she would be integral to the very foundation of Krakoa, Krakoa would not exist if Hellion were not around. Hope was also the key to saving the mutant species multiple times. Mutants would have been doomed to extinction if not for Hellion. Yeah, others saved Hope and had way more of a direct impact in restoring their species. But still.

It was a tragic affair, and as Julian recounted the events of the mission to Cyclops, he was clearly shaken up and unsteady. He insisted that he had no regrets and said that he wasn't going to apologize for what he did. But he was clearly not doing well.

Cyclops was pissed because he felt that Julian's level of violence was unacceptable. Also Omega was still a good person, despite being overwritten at the time. She was a victim in all this, too. Yet Hellion didn't even consider any other option but violence and death.

Though it's not like he actually had the luxury of options, considering Omega was annihilating senior X-Men, he only had a split second to save Hope and the girl from danger, and even his victim supported his actions with her dying breath. Hellion lost his temper and was flippant about his actions, but he did the right thing.

Hellion then delivered this take-down to Cyclops, basically saying how Cyclops is a hypocrite who did shit (including killing people!), but apparently it was okay when he did it? Things aren't all black and white, it's not like Cyclops was some crazy psycho who killed and always got away with it. But like... Hellion was right. Cyclops had a very "ends-justify-the-means" attitude at the time. He was a revolutionary who was fed up with the way mutants had been treated. It's just that Cyclops had main character privilege and Hellion didn't.

So yeah, the X-Men were shitting all over Hellion for saving them, an innocent child and the fucking mutant messiah, because he wasn't sad enough about it.

But wait, it gets better.

Hellion Was Right: Omega Sentinel

Hey, remember how everyone shat on Hellion for killing Omega Sentinel? How he refused to apologize for doing what needed to be done, when no one else would? Yeah, the X-Men really chewed him out for being so cool with killing for the sake of protecting innocent lives.

Anyway, Karima would come back as a major antagonist in the Krakoa era, after a future, fully-roboticized version of herself would travel to the past, take over her body and dedicate her life to ending the mutants and humanity. Something she nearly succeeded in, when she helped create the terrorist organization known as Orchis.

Rogue especially took this hard. She crapped all over Hellion for attacking Omega Sentinel in a fit of rage while she was down. She would later assault him over it.

Here's Rogue in 2024, after the X-Men finally defeated Omega Sentinel.

Hellion's only mistake was not finishing the job.

But despite all this, Hellion had morals. He would spend some time debating if he felt sorry for what he did to Omega Sentinel. Which goes against him confidentally telling Cyclops that he wasn't sorry about it. Coupled with this, Rogue going on to say that Hellion felt guilty and wanted to atone, and later stories showing him wrestling with the incident and verbally trying to justify his actions to himself, it's implied that Hellion did, in fact, feel guilty after all.

Also, Hellion would not talk to his friends and classmates about what had happened. After his battle with Omega Sentinel, he briefly passed by his friends. He didn't reach out to them, they didn't acknowledge him. Later, fellow classmate Blindfold would straight-up call Hellion a monster. Hellion was all alone.

Fractured But Whole

Before we continue, let's circle back to Hellion getting a power-up earlier. I said it was implied to be from Hope, performing some sort of miracle. But either she gave him a permanent power-up, or Hellion just unlocked his own natural talent. Because the same run later showed Hellion using his powers to remove an explosion out of someone's body, showing he can mentally manipulate heat and energy on a cellular level. Yeah, fellow X-Man Rachel used her telepathy to spot him, but for those keeping count: Hellion could move energy through people without harming them, move at subsonic speeds, create force barriers, shoot telekinetic blasts, control heat and energy, and work on a cellular level at minimum. Laura once told Julian to create a telekinetic bubble inside of a villain's brain or heart to kill them. Hellion was against this on principal, but he doesn't say he can't do it. Considering he could weave his energy into someone's body and remove a fucking explosion, I'd say it's a pretty safe bet that Hellion could bubble some jerk's brain.

Now keep this all in mind. The X-Men had one of the most powerful telekinetics alive. He was hurt, vulnerable, and becoming increasingly isolated due to the mistreatment and trauma he had been enduring. Which was largely made worse by the X-Men just being inconsiderate assholes. And despite everything that had happened, despite his growing cynicism with the world and his disillusionment with the X-Men, he still worked to be a hero. Surely this is the type of mutant the X-Men would want to nurture, help and encourage.

Anyway, Hellion was probation unless they needed to use his powers for missions.

Okay, Cyclops and friends were a bust. They treated Hellion like shit and degraded him when he needed help. Maybe he could find help from somewhere else?

So Cyclops and Wolverine broke up over (among other things) the ethics of raising child soldiers and letting these kids kill. Cyclops is pro child soldier, and Wolverine was against it. You'd think this might be in response to them letting down their students and helplessly watching as they got gunned down. But they go back to using them once this event is over, so it's kind of pointless when you think about it.

Hellion choose to side with Wolverine during the Schism. He joined the school Wolverine has built. He was still a brash bully, but he was supporting the more idealistic and good-natured path of righteousness Wolverine is offering. Despite Wolverine treating him like shit and his daughter breaking his heart, he believed in what Wolverine has to say.

Wolverine was suspicious of him and threw him into a special class with other troublesome kids, so Spider-Man could spy on them and see which one might be a traitor. Still better than being with Cyclops though. And Hellion even got to go on crime-fighting adventures with Spider-Man, protecting New York!

But then this was ignored and never acknowledged again. Hellion would never talk to Spider-Man again and this whole thing might as well not have happened.

Hellion would become a shut-in. Trapped in his smelly room, he pretty much cut off all contact with everybody. He made it clear to a belligerent, antagonistic Wolverine that he didn't want to be there anymore. But he couldn't leave, since people saw him as a threat and would come after him the second he stepped out. Wolverine takes the opportunity to antagonize the disabled child soldier war hero with PTSD, whose life he helped demolish. Wolverine even said that he didn't give a damn about Julian's troubles, and was only getting involved because people were complaining about Hellion being a ticking time bomb.

One day, Laura came to visit him. Julian was quick to forgive her for leaving him on read for several months after he became an amputee and had his life destroyed. And to be fair, she was going through a lot of stuff on her own, which Hellion recognizes. He did briefly lash out at her in his anger, but quickly corrected himself and apologized. He also grabbed her arm when she tried to leave him without an explanation again - uncool, but he at least checked himself and let go when she told him to.

Gambit got involved to try and protect Laura... by threatening to blow off Hellion's arms and legs, to match his missing hands. Hellion was being an asshole, but keep in mind Hellion is a child soldier who had his arms blown off in the line of duty, and has spent the last few months being mistreated by pretty much every X-Man he has come across.

Hellion was also jealous of Gambit, but also worried that he was a groomer who was trying to put the moves on Laura. He was wrong, of course. But maybe he heard about a certain student named Foxx (aka Mystique,) who tried to frame Gambit a banging one of his students.

Hellion stalked Laura asked around and located Laura at the Baxter Building, where she would be spending the night babysitting Mister Fantastic and the Invisible Woman's two kids. They would get attacked and abducted by the Collector, leading to this whole adventure. It was a thing. Julian helped save her and the kids from dying in the cold recesses of space. Also Julian made fun of the Collector to his face multiple times.

But while this was going down, Hellion showed his insecurities to Laura. He knew she had her own issues, but he didn't know the extent of what she'd been going through. She didn't talk to him about them, and he would have liked that. He felt abandoned, and wondered if him being disabled now was one of the things driving her away from him. But she assured him that she didn't abandon him, and kept watch over him when he was injured and recovering.

When all is said and done, Laura was ready to part ways with Julian. But he didn't want to go without talking things out. He still loved her and wanted to be with her. But she didn't feel the same way and rejected him. Julian lashed out and accused her of being an unfeeling machine - something that would hurt her. She still cared for him, but her feelings for him had changed as the two of them had changed.

This whole debacle is very controversial with fans. Who was right? Who was wrong? How justified were either of them? Was Julian abusive? Was Laura unnecessarily cruel? Generally, people will agree that they both messed up. But who was more in the wrong usually depends on which character you stan more. Hellion's behavior near the end is never really justified, though many people at least understand where he's coming from.

Despite being a Hellion stan, I lean more towards Laura. Despite their mutual feelings for each other, she wasn't obligated to put her feelings aside to take care of him. Her life was also falling apart and she had her own struggles. Yes, she could have handled the situation better. But I don't blame her for focusing on her own life when she was drowning. And it's not like this girl, raised from birth as a tool and still coming to terms with her own humanity, pain and emotions, was capable of dealing with him in the best way, even though she wanted to.

But I can't be mad at Hellion because he suffered way more these last couple of months, didn't have the support Laura would come to have, and, oh yeah, he had his hands blown off by an evil robot. That didn't entitle him to lash out at her the ways he did, but he absolutely didn't deserve to be brushed off. Which is what Laura did, even if it was unintentional.

It was a failure to communicate. They both wanted different things. They had their own issues and that kept them from being there for each other. They were hurt by other people and situations, those warped them and made it harder for them to reconnect. Ultimately, the Laura and Julian we were seeing now, were not the same people they were when they met and fell in love.

I see the vision, but it still feels kind of abrupt and it looks like largely happened just to write out the romance, while not really doing anything to address their issues. It's a story about them growing apart, but not really making it feel like they grew apart. It just looks like Laura is avoiding Hellion even after he explains that her how her behavior also hurt him, but only Hellion's behavior is treated as heinous. And to be fair, grabbing onto someone the way he did, lashing out at them and poking at their insecurities around their humanities, is arguably worse than anything she did to him. But shutting yourself off from someone without explanation, ignoring them when they're begging for help, not showing much concern for their suffering and ignoring multiple pleas to be honest about their problems, is also pretty nasty.

Again, Laura wasn't obligated to deal with his baggage. And it's not like she was in the right headspace to help. But she was involved with Hellion's life and problems, and he was with hers. To ignore this connection was very insulting. Neither of these traumatized, PTSD-ridden child soldiers handled this complex emotional situation well.

So I get it. But the story was written in a way that downplayed Laura's faults and felt like it had to force the issue in order to make it work.

Anyway, Laura would get into a poorly-received, crappy romance with a time-traveling teen Angel from the past. She would also spend hundreds of years in a Vault with Synch as her only companion, where they'd fall in love under dubious circumstances, largely off-screen. She'd forget all this and Synch would accept this, then get back together with another version of Laura, who is also the "real" Laura, and an old MILF. But most fans don't care about old Laura or accept her as the "official" Laura, and she ends up dying, living inside of Synch's head and then dying again. So this whole paragraph means nothing.

But at least we would get a couple shots of Hellion looking at Laura through some bushes like a creeper, just to twist the knife and make sure that the ship was properly killed.

The Fart Cloud

Remember that time the Inhumans unleashed a stupid fart cloud onto Earth in the hopes of activating latent Inhuman genes in some humans? But the fart cloud was poisonous to mutant and started killing them? The X-Men had to hide their numbers in a Hell dimension for safety.

So Julian was poisoned by one of those clouds, and the X-Men totally failed to find and save him when he went looking for their help. Thanks again, X-Men. You're always there when Hellion needs you.

Hellion would visit the Inhumans on their Earth turf. Now dying from the cloud, he was determined to be a martyr. Let the Inhumans witness a person they'd harmed with their actions.

His powers wrecked New Attilan as he lost control over them, endangering everyone around them. Luckily, an Inhuman named Synapse was able to turn off his powers and stop him.

Synapse argued to the ruler of the Inhumans, Medusa, to help Hellion despite the damage he caused. Medusa didn't need convincing though; they were not going to persecute the infirm, and they were going to help this poor, suffering mutant as best as they could. He was going to get the best medical care and they would work tirelessly to see him recover.

Yes. The Inhumans who nearly gassed him to death treated him better than the X-Men. Hellion would be so grateful for their help, he would volunteer at their hospital as an orderly.

Not much would happen to Hellion after this. Despite being told (by everyone) that he was a dangerous mess they didn't want to deal with, Hellion... never really did anything beyond sometimes teasing classmates sometime, briefly date Shark-Girl, and help the X-Men whenever they asked. Many of his cameos consisted of him being in the background, having been beaten up by whatever villain the X-Men were facing.

Also, another fun fact: The X-Disassembled event saw the adults chiding the students as young, inexperienced kids who should stay out of real missions. Which was disrespectful to the kids who rose to the challenge when the X-Men failed them. But at least they weren't interested in using them as child soldiers.

Except one of the adults telling them this was Jean, who has their fellow student Laura as a member on her team. AND she had Laura's 12 year old sister, too. Hellion was notably absent from the majority of this conflict, since his very existence would undermine the adults' message entirely.

Also the school got blown up. It got blown up quite a few times while Hellion was a student. It got blown up so many times, the kids were cracking jokes about it. Surprisingly, none of those explosions were caused by him.

But just because Hellion wasn't active, doesn't mean he wasn't still pulling out Ws.

Hellion Was Right: Etc.

Hellion was right about a lot of things, but I can't sit here and list every single one of them in great detail. So here's a bulletpoint list of his other truths.

During the Utopia era, he knew that humans would eventually round up mutants and put them in camps. We know that happens in a few bad futures. This would also happen during the fall of Krakoa.

He knew the Brood were irredeemable monsters and hated Broo on sight. And in the end? Their only "redemption" was the X-Men to use them as weapons against the terrorist organization, Orchis. They could never truly be saved.

He ended up siding with Wolverine during the Schism, despite him and Logan hating each other. Guess who won the Schism in the end?

Right away, Hellion knew Wind Dancer was a catch. He also had a thing with Laura, dated Shark-Girl, and in an AU he married Surge. The man just can't stop picking Best Girls. He has a supernatural sense that allows him to figure out which girls are superior.

Remember that school competition, and Hellion bragged about how none of the other squads could ever hope to win it again? Shortly after Hellion and his squad won it, the school was hit by the mass depowering event known as M-Day. The majority of students were depowered and many were subsequently massacred by anti-mutant terrorists. Even when the school recovered, they never had these school-wide competitions again. So yeah, no other students would get to win that trophy.

Hellion had been open about his dislike of robots, after they took his hands. Who was behind Orchis? Omega Sentinel. Not only that, the group was primarily run by robots, and they wanted to wipe out all organic life - especially mutants, but they had plans to kill all organic life to preserve themselves. Humans would be their next target, after they finished killing off mutants.

Hellion thought it was weird how Wolverine kept picking up teenage girls as his sidekicks. He joked that Wolverine was a perv, of course Wolverine isn't a predator, he has no ill intentions with those girls, and some of them just dropped into his lap. But it's still pretty sus, even if no one else wants to point it out.

Northstar thought Hellion was making a mistake, picking Emma as his advisor over him. He thought Hellion needed the discipline. Considering Hellion thrived under Emma, she stood up for him when no one else did, and Northstar abandoned him just as the others did anyway... Yeah, Hellion made the right choice in picking Emma.

New Edit: I just saw this post. So you know how Hellion thought mutants should ignore past incidents and accidents, because they need to look out for each other and humans wouldn't judge them fairly? And then the X-Men were all, "NO, we need to listen to human laws!" Yeah, so anyway, the X-Men would basically say the same thing Hellion did, in the Krakoa era. Except now they had the power to enforce their will.

Hellion hated Quentin Quire and beat him up. No explanation needed.

The Gays Love Hellion (And Hellion Loves Them)

So weirdly enough, Hellion has a big LGTV fanbase. Which is weird, because he's from Academy X, not Fraternity X. Why would gay fans gravitate towards a straight, cis, masculine jock who regularly dominates others an- Oh.

Well, it goes beyond that. The X-Men in general have a huge queer audience. But Hellion has multiple factors working in his favor: he's sarcastic and has great quips, he takes after Emma Frost, he's canonically ripped, and he's had his moments of fanservice.

Most importantly, there was that one arc where he was on a beach for a mission. He thought the mission was casual, so he was the only one in swimwear, and nobody told him because they wanted to see him in short-shorts. He's smart, but that scene would go on to imprint himbo energy into the minds of many readers.

Also, he spent the entirety of the Age of X event with his tits out.

I don't find Hellion sexy at all, personally. He's not my type. But he IS a sex bomb. I can see the appeal regardless.

I'm iffy on the femme-y himbo depiction among fans. It's amusing, but I feel like it tends to paint a shallow picture of an otherwise manly, cool, intelligent and tragic character. But Hellion is perfect even if he's a himbo, he's perfect no matter what. I stan the alternate universe black Hellion who was like 5 years old and only appeared in the background of one panel, who may or may not be Hellion at all. He had metal hands, so I like to think he's meant to be Julian Keller.

Krakoa

So the mutants formed a mutant nation, an island paradise called Krakoa. It was this whole thing, it was great, I loved it. I recommend reading House of X/Powers of X if you haven't already. But the tl;dr is that mutants were able to resurrect the dead and give depowered mutants their powers back.

Hellion was given a sanctuary in paradise. The X-Men who had abandoned him had finally given him protection and safety. He had every single one of his deceased friends back, and they were there with him. The days of M-Day were a bad memory, there would be no school attacks, and he wouldn't have to live in fear of M-Pox. If he wanted to, he could die and come back with his hands, fully restored through the Resurrection Protocols.

You know who else came back? Wind Dancer. After fourteen real-life years, the two were finally reunited.

Hellion had regained almost everything he'd lost. All of his suffering was worth it, because he finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel. All the work he put into helping the X-Men, saving Hope and working tirelessly to protect others has paid off.

But if this post has taught you anything, it's that Hellion isn't allowed happiness.

Krakoa would fall through the machinations of an evil organization called Orchis. Lead by such villains as Omega Sentinel and Nimrod, Orchis would frame Krakoa for crimes in biological warfare and sabotage, wanton murder of humans, and plots of world domination. The whole world stood back and did nothing as the mutants were attacked, scattered across the world and hunted 'till near-extinction. Many people even cheered Orchis on. Some governments even assisted them in making life more difficult for mutants. Mutants were rounded up, jailed, put under inhumane conditions, forcibly injected with "cures," and even murdered.

Where was Hellion during all of this? Well, he was in another dimension. Xavier had sent mutants through portals, per Orchis' demands. They wanted Xavier to telepathically force every mutant off the planet, or Orchis would use biological warfare to wipe out millions of humans. Wanting to spare humans, Xavier forced the majority of mutants through portals, which would end up leading them to the White Hot Room. The strugglers were left to deal with Orchis.

Hellion either went through those portals, or he had been killed during the Orchis genocide and gone through the Resurrection Protocols in the White Hot Room. He'd be there for several months, struggling to survive in a desert with 200,000 other mutants.

Hellion and most other named mutants would return to Earth, thanks to the X-Men. But also the X-Men and the ruling leaders of Krakoa were kind of to blame, since they failed to strike down Orchis earlier, despite them being a known threat. They tried some things, sure. But the plot basically forbade them from making any real progress against them until now. So yeah, the adults let Hellion down again. If they stopped playing by the rules and killed Omega Sentinel, they'd be happier.

Also, Krakoa would still exist beyond this point. Or rather, a splinter of the island nation would exist in the White Hot Room. It was shown that, without any humans or other groups coming down on them, they could thrive and grow as a healthy, enlightened and thriving nation. Mutants had the option of giving up life on their home planet to go to the White Hot Room's and have sanctuary, or stay in the trenches and spend their lives under constant threat of humans, aliens, demons and robots.

Look at Hellion at the start of his journey, and look at him now. He lost his friends, his loves, his wealth, his family, his identity as a leader, and any confidence he had from his body. The only thing he has left is his telekinesis.

The Villainous Path

Little hellions, kids feeling rebellious Embarrassed, their parents still listen to X-Men

So now we have a better picture of Hellion. He's a person with a big heart and a huge sense of loyalty, but he's been constantly let down by people around him. He's been kicked while he's been down, treated like a monster, and had the people he loves most walk out on him. His own insecurities, ego and attitude have held him back. And just when everything seemed to be turning around, just when he had everything he had lost... his home is taken away from him and he's left alone all over again.

You can see why Hellion wouldn't want anything to do with the X-Men after all of this. They took him in, but they treated him like shit and failed him constantly. He was constantly pointing out the truth, but they punished him for it and insisted that he was wrong.

But you can also see why he would have a grudge against a world who supported his peoples' genocide and the destruction of his nation. The same world that largely stood by and ignored his plight during those 2 other genocides he directly endured, and several others he would have been witness to.

Marvel's also on a sliding timescale, where their time passes much slower than ours. So bear in mind, he has probably been active in-universe for 2 to 4 years. 5, if you want to be generous. Everything you have read has been happening non-stop in a very short span of time.

Almost everyone around Hellion is terrible. He literally cannot count on anyone to help him out, because they are either grossly incompetent, unequipped to deal with things, or outright trying to kill him.

If everyone just listened to him, everything would have been fine... Or humans, machines and other heroes would have wiped them off the planet, and things would be even worse. But I choose to believe that Hellion had the right of way. After all, he'd been right about everything else.

Hellion proved himself to be a real hero, despite everyone doubting him. But he has also done things you wouldn't see most traditional heroes do, because he's cynical and willing to do harsher things if it means helping others. At the very least, he's firmly an anti-hero.

There is precedence for having him taking on an antagonistic role and going against traditional heroes. The context was always him doing what he thought was best.

So he could easily work as an anti-villain or antagonist; someone who will take the role of the heel, but still be sympathetic and have the capacity to be redeemed.

Right now, many fans are worried that that Hellion won't be portrayed sympathetically. That he'll be suddenly and drastically changed into a villain, solely there to cause trouble, do despicable things and be defeated. To be a strawman of what he once was. And to be fair, that's a fair worry; we recently saw a mutant, Nature Girl, go from a mild-mannered student supporting character, to a genocidal villain at the drop of a hat. Her character was irrevocably warped to facilitate a story. Anyone who liked her original characterization would be turned off by this change.

Or how about Benjamin Percy's take on Beast? The loveable furball was now a vile, manipulative, genocidal villain who would torture his friends for his own gain.

There was room for these characters to become darker figures - let's not forget how Nature Girl had a small story dedicated to her being painfully aware of the torture Christmas trees go through before they're tossed aside by humans, unaware of the pain they have caused. But these characters went from A, to B to Z. Things jumped wildly and they became extreme caricatures that barely resembled their original selves. And even if Beast did some questionable things in the past, no way would he naturally fall as far as he did under Percy's pen, much less so abruptly.

There's also worry that the Krakoan will be used as a strawman against Krakoa. He'd be used to portray the worst aspects of Krakoan culture and somehow prove to the audience that no, Krakoa was actually really bad and you should be glad that it's gone.

The Krakoan is specifically twisting the dream of Krakoa to rule the masses. I'm not paying too much attention to these, since preview blurbs are known to be inaccurate at times. But at the very least, they make it clear that what he's doing is not meant (out-of-universe, at least) to be an accurate representation of Krakoa. He's an in-universe example of Krakoa being misused and represented.

Despite this, if the Krakoan is Julian, I think he will be respected a bit. One of the writers of NYX, Jackson Lanzing, was asked about Hellion. He had this to say.

I think that's a pretty fair take on him. Lanzing acknowledged that he's not some simple character. Hellion has the potential to be a big player for mutants - for good or for ill - and that stems from him being somewhere in the middle of the Xavier-Magneto spectrum. He has some desire for peace and co-existence, but he's also not shying away from the reality he faces. If they're writing him, I fully expect them to portray this depth and nuance, even if it's on a small level.

They acknowledged his ties to David and Laura. The latter is important because there's a lot they could mine here beyond their romance. Hellion was there to show Laura a life outside of the darkness. He wanted her to be a better person and break free from her past as an assassin. While the writers might focus on the duo's romance, they should at least be aware that it's built on a foundation of seeing past the bad side of someone, and getting to the real, good person underneath.

Further, both writers are now on record as being big fans of Hellion. They not only like him a lot, but they clearly have a grasp on his character. I doubt they'd do something that would destroy his potential for future stories.

I'm cautiously optimistic about Hellion's villain era. I could be wrong and the writers could totally flub it. But for now, things are pointing towards him being treated with respect.

And if not? Well, he'll probably be right anyway. He's the new Cyclops/Magneto. As the saying goes, they were right. And Hellion has already proven that he has been right this whole time. If Hellion is reduced to some baby-eating monster, I would defend him. That baby was probably racist and had evil vibes.

From the Ashes

That's telekinesis, Kyle. How 'bout the power to move you?

The new relaunch will see other books release alongside NYX. And yes, they're going to be notably less popular because they don't have Hellion in them. But with Hellion's new role, who says he can't be a key figure in the world of mutants going forward?

Exceptional X-Men will feature Kitty Pryde and Emma Frost mentoring three new mutants. They'll be protecting these kids and guiding them through a world that hates and fears them, ensuring that they grow up to be heroes. Meanwhile NYX's main villain is likely one of their previous kids they trained, who they failed, mistreated and abandoned several times, who was explicitly stated to be unstable after his experiences on the field and under their care.

These kids are fucked. Hellion needs to come in and save them from the X-Men, before Kitty Pryde ruins their lives with her "help."

X-Men will feature Cyclops and his band of heroes (plus Quentin Quire), acting openly and proudly as mutants. They won't return to their evolutionary era, but they will still but heads with the government and are in a place that might put them in opposition with the mainstream opinion. From the looks of it, they will fight for their rights and do what they feel is right, even if it makes humans uncomfortable, because they need to be heard and- Oh wait. Hasn't Hellion been doing all of this from the get-go? Hmm.

Don't worry, I'm sure Cyclops will tell the Krakoan that his methods are super wrong and go too far, and that the X-Men are fighting for their rights the right way. Hurting innocent people to promote your cause is wrong! Then Cyclops and his team will get a few more innocent children killed before moving on to their next project.

What about Uncanny X-Men? Rogue's leading that team, and Gambit and Wolverine are on it. All three of them owe Hellion an apology. Jubilee's also there. She always busted Hellion's balls for how he handled his relationship with Laura... when she wasn't ogling his ass on the beach. Which was fair, but maybe she could apologize for not being a little sympathetic after his hands got blown off by an evil robot while fighting for their cause.

X-Factor will apparently pit the titular team against an underground mutant revolution, lead by Polaris. Hey, you think the Krakoan might want to get involved with that down the line?

Wolverine has a solo book. He can use the 5000 issues he'll get to beg Hellion for forgiveness. That's almost enough time to make up for how he treated Julian.

Dazzler's getting a mini. And guess who's going to be part of her crew? Hellion's exes, Wind Dancer and Shark-Girl. Wonder how they'd feel about him breaking bad?

And Now?

We wait see what comes next. We hope for the best, expect the worst, but know that this book will be the best of the From the Ashes era, simply because Hellion is gracing us with his presence.

I recommend reading more Hellion stories when you can. This post only touches on the basics. There are a lot of things I had to cut out. There are a lot of things that I missed, or didn't include because I they weren't as important to be as they might be to you. You might read things completely differently, even though I am objectively right because Hellion is perfect and could never do wrong. I might have purposely skewed things to favor Hellion because this post is Hellion propaganda. But whatever the case, you absolutely should follow my boy.

I had a whole section about Hellion's telekinesis. He's a telekinetic in a world filled with telekinetics who ALSO have telepathy and other powers. But he was able to stand out with how he varied in its use - he could create energy blasts and projectiles, fly at subsonic speeds, make things combust on a molecular level, and blast through just about anything. I cut it because I hit the image limit and didn't have enough space to show them, and they need to be shown because his powers are visually distinct. It was either keep them and cut out the tiddy pic, or keep the tiddy pic and cut out the displays of power. And I think I made the right choice.

[moonjunio]

This was so random, the 1980s ElfQuest board game popped up on Facebook marketplace - in New Zealand with local delivery by hand 🚚😲

I’m a gamer, but I hadn’t had my eye on this fairly rare collectible, since games with great IP are often not all that fun. But you know what? I tried it and had a great time with my teens! No whining, I’m amazed 😂

Full review below…

The even cooler thing is that it’s actually two games in one. The “introductory” version is an abstract tile exploration and clue gathering mission, themed on the Original Quest reuniting the elf tribes with their Palace (actually spaceship, shhh). Play takes an hour, tops.

This strongly reminded me of my favorite board game when I was a kid - Enchanted Forest - because the overall idea is to find the tiles with hidden clues on them, and be the first to guess which one has been set aside at the beginning.

The additional element in ElfQuest is that you have to explore to find the clues, then also find the location of the tile that matches the winning clue. You can’t guess without traveling to the secret location first, and a wrong guess means you lose! There’s definitely strategy in addition to minor memorizing. I think this fits the quest story well.

Each player represents a different tribe, and starts in their home location at one corner (The Holt, Sorrow’s End, Blue Mountain, and the Frozen Mountains). There’s a minor amount of combat in the introductory game, when pawns occupy the same spot.

This is a potential tense moment here, with all three of us gathered next to two clue tiles (the wooden clue tokens are my own replacement parts). But you can easily spend the whole game avoiding confrontation and still win.

Combat just means the attacker must roll an 8 or better on 2D6. The loser is pushed away two spaces. This can be important at the end, because once a player has seen all the clues, others might race towards whatever tile they appear to be targeting as the winning spot.

I was super lucky that the Palace (elf home) was right next to the last clue, because my 15 year old was hot on my heels and willing to risk a 50/50 guess. Go Backs for the win!!

I’m excited to play the full game, for several reasons:

1. You have the option of winning cooperatively or competitively, and this can change during the course of the game. This fits the ElfQuest story much better than pure competition. Games with optional alliances aren't super common.

2. Character cards! Of course the point of having a great IP is to use the wonderful characters and art. The full game has a lot of bonus cards, characters can change groups or be captured, and tribal abilities are asymmetrical (that is to say, your choice of tribe actually matters to gameplay).

3. Way more strategy! One player is the enemy Guttlekraw, who controls the trolls and races to finish a dome around the palace so the elves can't win.

Reviews said this game is complicated, but it really doesn’t look that complicated to me. If you’re not much of a gamer, then sure, but the rules were not very long and easy enough to understand.

Here’s all the components in the box. Only three cardboard counters were missing in mine, easily replaced with spare parts (more on that next time). It even still has the Mayfair Games feedback postcard and the pop out cardboard trash for all the sending star tokens 😜✨🚮

The funniest part is the fold out paper grid... seems unnecessary, but ok.

Essentially what the introductory game teaches you is how exploration works, which is actually mildly educational for younger kids. Each terrain has a different number printed on it, and you only get 14 movement points per turn. So there's a little bit of addition involved. I'd say kids from age 7ish could play independently, depending on whether they're prone to blurt out secret information and intentions :-)

That's all for this time! My kids actually want to play the full game soon, so hopefully it won't be too long until I review the rest. Shade and sweet water until then.

[gryphonlover]

I’m in a yapping mood so I’ve come to bother you (I’m so sorry), anyways here’s how I think the chain would play BG3:

Time- he has absolutely no idea what he’s doing. He falls for every trap and he accidentally kills characters he shouldn’t have because he trusted the wrong people. He definitely played the dark urge because he thought “that one looks interesting” but didn’t fully think that choice through, and he was TRYING to be a good person but he’s absolutely given into the evil thoughts by act 2. Doesn’t even realize romancing the characters is an OPTION until Lae’zel comes up to him like “i want you” and then he screams

Wars- He’s still stuck in character creator /j Fr tho he put HOURS into designing his tav and his created like, the most conventionally attractive mf out there (it’s definitely a paladin half high elf with that ONE specific face). He’d romance Wyll (best man in existence) or Lae’zel (terrifying lady). I’d say he plays it for the dating sim but he’s also INSANE and likes attacking people

Twi- He’d play a sweet little tiefling druid. He’s just there for the vibes, he just wants to pet the owlbear cub the rest of the game stresses him out (he’s a stardew valley kinda guy). He stays in the safety of act 1 and just runs around

Sky- he takes his bg3 incredibly seriously, he has over 700 hours. I think he’d be a cleric, every single time. He’s GOOD at combat, he’d good at building the characters, he loves exploring

Hyrule- Ranger. Romanced the emperor because he thought it was funny and then had a LOT of explaining to do when Legend saw he got a trophy for that. He just makes whatever he thinks the funniest choice would be

Legend- He’s one of the few who has the strength to play a different character every play through. He loves exploring the game and he’s romanced all the characters just to see how different they all are and he loves all their lore. Has more hours than Sky but pretends he doesn’t so he doesn’t get judged for being insane

Wild- Wizard or Sorcerer, either way he blows everything up. Pickpockets all the npcs for cash because he thinks its funny, makes HORRIBLE decisions because he’s curious to see what happens. Definitely doesn’t know you can pay Withers to revive people after they die-

Four- plays the exact same dragonborn fighter every single time, but each play through he does gets crazier and crazier until he’s making INSANE decisions and everyone gets the WORST possible endings, but he’s having fun and he likes being evil

Wind- he picked to be a sorcerer, but other than that he randomized everything else and ended up playing a hot pink gnome he named “Ronald”. He’s having the time of his life

-crazylittlejester

This is the best thing I've heard ALL DAY. I'm not kidding. (And you can bother me anytime. That's why the ask ox is open. 👍)

I have to admit, I had the same reaction as Time when I discovered the dating part, and I've never even played the game. 😅

11/10, totally agree. They would love D&D so much, my goodness. Someone needs to make an LU version of that one episode of VLD where all the paladins play a one-session campaign. It would be complete chaos.

[birdmitosis]

if you’re still doing the ask game, i’d love to hear your thoughts abt voice of the smitten please 😊 (no pressure though)

[ask game here]

Oh gosh, no worries! I am super open to doing more of these :D

SMITTEN TIME 💖

First impression

My first impression of him was absolutely during the Damsel route, and I'll be real, I mostly defaulted to vaguely fond exasperation. I was a bit "oh no, he's funny for sure but Oh No" about him and he was one of my least favorite voices for the longest time!

Impression now

...Whereas at this point he may not be one of my favorites but I honestly love him. He is fascinating, having darker depths of emotion than one would think at first and being capable of some definitely bad things, but also having a great capacity for love that is unflinching, unashamed, and comes with no caveats. He is a supportive darling with unbending faith and this also somehow makes him not only one of the strongest voices but also one of the most potentially dangerous to the group. This is great.

Favorite moment

Ohhh, there are so many small moments I can't choose between! The "He just likes to hear himself talk." "I do." exchange, the part where he straight-up says he's no thoughts head empty except for the Princess, how quick he is to forgive Opportunist and just accept him back on sides, how he slays us if we slay Damsel and his homoerotic fight with Cold at the very beginning of the Burned Grey route, The Look...

I think my favorite moment, though, might just be when you find the Princess's skeleton in the basement in Burned Grey and he goes "No! She was alive and well just a moment ago, floating away transparently!" It is SUCH a funny moment and if I make another "funniest moments in Slay the Princess" video, that is definitely going in there. He is hilarious.

Idea for a story

TBH, before the Pristine Cut comes out, it could be fun to write a version of the Damsel Chapter III that I don't think we're getting, one that I'd been toying with in my head... Choosing to stay with Damsel and the Narrator trying to force our hand again (or threatening to) leading to Smitten slaying us to show Narry he's serious about that, and then when we get to Chapter III instead of a basement it's an upstairs room, and it's way more livable, comfortable, with chairs and things, and her chain is thin and long and allows her access to the whole room comfortably. There is no blade. The only option, if they don't want to stay forever, is to brave what might be out there together and face the world, whatever may be. Once you actually decide to break the chains they snap easily.

(I think Cheated would be a fun option for this one, but I'd probably write it with Paranoid. Torn between love and fear in the Damsel chapter, and part of why we're "staying together" instead of escaping is fear of what will happen and what we'll find if we leave...)

Unpopular opinion

IDK how unpopular either of these are per se, so I'm going to give two of them:

One, Smitten shines least in his own basic route. If you go for Damsel and either free Damsel or deconstruct her, it is definitely incredible to see just how powerful Smitten's power of belief really is, but he himself isn't all that interesting and isn't as hilarious or as fun as in other routes. He has incredible moments in the Razor path, he's intensely sympathetic in the Moment of Clarity, he is both funny and very interesting personality-wise in Thorn (especially if you do free her), and then if you slay Damsel and get into Burned Grey he's maybe at his strongest both humor- and interest-wise.

Two, despite what I said above about loving Smitten in the Thorn chapter, which I do... I don't actually like the way to get Smitten in the Thorn chapter. I think it's jarring and kind of off-putting to start strongly flirting with Witch in that particular situation, and I don't like the implications of the "why are you actually trying to free me" "you're beautiful" exchange.

Favorite relationship

Among the other voices, I think my favorite relationship he has with them canonically is the one he has with Opportunist in the Thorn chapter. (I told you I love Smitten in The Thorn! I just don't like how you get there with him!) His weirdass relationship with Cold is a very close second, though, and I would be very interested in seeing them with a different dynamic in one of the new Pristine Cut Chapter IIIs, potentially!

Among the other voices, the relationships we don't really get to see in game that I'd love to see are how he'd be with Broken or Skeptic, with Cheated, Contrarian, and Paranoid being runners-up.

Among the vessels, my favorite canonical relationship he has with any of them... Hear me out, because I did say he is least interesting in his own base chapter, but I still really do love his relationship with Damsel. One of the only two vessel/voice ships I actually ship somewhat strongly (along with Adversary/Stubborn). I'd also love to see his relationship with Prisoner, Spectre, or Wild!

My favorite relationship for him in a shippy way is with Broken, though, by far. (Mending Hearts my beloved...)

Favorite headcanon

I really do love the idea that Smitten's unhesitating, unapologetic love of the Princess also translates to a love of the world, and that in any post-Construct AU where Shifty wasn't slain, he loves the world and life intensely because she is a part of all of it, even if he misses her.

I also really love trans Smitten, though! I specifically go back and forth between seeing Smitten as transfem and Damsel as transmasc, or seeing both of them as bigender, sometimes he/him and sometimes she/her.

[lasatfat]

You know I have to ask about “she gets kneed in the balls whoopsie” <3

But also I’d love to know about this untitled vathawke smut that may never happen!!

WIP folder game

This is where we find out how far from canon most of my fics stray 🤣

I think you might have a sixth sense for Culladaar because it's Cullen accidentally kneeing Torunn in the balls. I was thinking about the iconic desk scene and how Torunn's proportions would complicate things, and this is the funniest option. No one suffers any lasting harm, but it does lead to some misunderstandings with Torunn's family, and a conversation about some of the uglier things in her past. The fic itself is very bitty at the moment, so no snippet as of yet.

Anyway, Vathawke. It's Varric, Hawke, and my Inquisitor's sister, Athim. Part of Athim's story is that she has a relationship with Solas, and she eventually falls pregnant, but he bounces before she gets a chance to tell him. This ship started life as a version of canon where Hawke never makes it out of the Fade. So, in that version of events, both Athim and Varric are grieving, they're feeling very raw, and they fall into bed together. And then I abandoned the "Hawke is left in the Fade" idea, so I threw them back into the mix. Hence Vathawke instead of I guess Vathim. That's the way my personal canon stands at the moment.

My idea is three chapters where each one of them is "spoiled," if that makes sense.

“Varric and I were discussing it, just as a hypothetical,” they say, running their fingers through their hair, in the way they do when they’re nervous. “We were thinking…we’d help you out. If that’s something you’d be interested in.”

Athim’s hand comes to rest against her belly as she laughs. “You’re well behind the times on that one, Hawke. You’ll be spending half your time babysitting.”

“Oh, I’m looking forward to it,” Hawke replies, and their grin marks their earnestness, “but that’s not what I meant.”

Her brow furrows. “Oh?”

“I meant sex.”

Well, that was…blunt.

Athim recovers quickly from the shock. Her owlish eyes flick back and forth between them, incredulously. “You’re serious?”

“I’m serious,” Hawke replies.

She looks to Varric. “And you?”

Perhaps she thinks Hawke strong-armed him into it. They’d been the one to bring it up, in all fairness. They had always treated sex and romance as overlapping, but not necessarily intertwined. Even when they’d been all but married to Anders, they’d taken Isabela and/or Fenris to their bed on a semi-regular basis, sometimes with his involvement, but always with his knowledge and acceptance. They might have shared their nights with their friends, but their heart belonged to Anders, and Anders only.

They’d propositioned Varric at the time too, but he’d turned them down. He was too hung up on Bianca, too conflicted about his own feelings, too afraid of changing the friendship they had. But then, facing those fears has made him happier than he can ever remember being.

“I wouldn’t have said it quite like that,” he says, eventually.

[council-of-beetroot]

Some of the funniest parts of crisis core

You are given the option to play a mini game while cloud is incapacitated and in danger and you were warned it was time sensitive

Getting to press the buttons labelled "danger do not touch"

The option to drink a random can of rotten apple juice

Zack actually answering his spam emails

Zack and Yuffie all of it. I can't tell if Yuffie is smart or Zack is dumb

Yuffie stealing one of Zack's ultra powerful materia but giving it back to him because she thinks it's worthless

Fighting with an umbrella

This line

The mother who was like fuck my kid who's looking for me, I am going to wait for Angeal to return and is perfectly fine with abandoning her kid

The photo collage of Zack Tifa and Sephiroth in Nibelheim

The chairwoman who has access to private information about Sephiroth and discloses it to the Sephiroth Fan group is implied to be Hojo

You get to fight a version of yourself that Hojo made

"There your data from last month" "All right, Bring it, me from last month"

Zack asking Cloud if he wants to go out to eat and the other soldiers nearby are like sweet Zack's going to get us food!

The fact that a safe and other objects can fall on randomly

You can do this guy's assignments to help him rank up in SOLDIER because he believes if he watches you he'll figure it out... Needless to say he does not... Reality ensues.

The one scientist who gets weirdly attached to Zack and Cloud while they are being experimented

Zack telling Aerith that he likes the slums because they are cluttered.

Zack's worst enemies are the children he encounters

The one child that turns out to be a wutai spy suddenly switching out of his disguise from a child to an adult warrior three times his size

The kids at the playground wondering if that kid will come back

Zack and Cloud bonding over being from butt fuck nowhere

Genesis' original dream was to give Sephiroth apple juice

The shinra building only has two elevators

Having the option to step on Aerith's flowers

Zack also falling through the roof like Cloud

The fact that I've died more times from fucking wasps and meanwhile took zero damage while fighting Sephiroth

You can try to talk to cloud when he's mako poisoned but his dialogue is just "ngh"

[ryuichirou]

Replies

A couple of replies today!

Anonymous asked:

Edmundedmundedmundedmundedmundedmundnebulacollegeedmund YESSS I have been fed content and I'm so motherfucking happy

The boy looks wonderful in both bunny suits ❤️

Hehehe thank you so much!! I love love love drawing boys in bunny suits, so I am very happy for the opportunity to draw Edmund wearing it…both options~

Anonymous asked:

If Jack and Ortho sees Vil in that outfit, I'm sure they find it attractive.

Of course they will, everyone would~ not only these two.

(related to the latest event)

But I would love to see their reaction to Vil in that outfit as well… I feel like Jack would get visibly flustered, but wouldn’t look away even for a moment.

Ortho would take pictures and record Vil just so he always has the image of Vil looking so good in his head lol

Anonymous asked:

Ok, but those Crewel/Deuce comics, fulfilling another fantasy of mine 😩👌

Actually, the funniest thing is that I've always imagined that those two would have a secret relationship and only would start "officially" dating when Deuce graduated nrc. Like on the weekends, Deuce would tell people that he's going to visit his mom or a cousin, but in reality, he's going to Crewel's place for "extra credit."

Funny scenario: 19/20 y/o Deuce posting on Magicam that he's in a relationship with Divus and all his notifs are from his friends blasting "ayo? 🤨" Then he gets a text from his mom like "DeeDee, you know I will support you in everything and anything but don't make the same mistakes as I did when I was younger, this is how you were born 😔"

(related to this comic; sorry for the late reply!)

Thank you, Anon, I am happy you liked the comic!

Out of all the first years, Deuce does feel like the type to officially go out with a teacher after graduating lol I can’t explain it, but it feels right in a weird way. I wonder if any of the first years would suspect that Deuce isn’t really visiting his mom or a cousin whenever he leaves to spend time with Crewel…

Also! His poor mother, this boy just keeps making her worry lol At least Deuce isn’t going to get pregnant, so that should be a relief…

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

If we had a battle of crossovers, who would win: GreenViolet or LilIdia

Hmm, how are they fighting? Is this a fist fight? Then Lilidia, because Lilia would outsmart Greenhill, and Violet and Idia both are wimps who can’t fight lol

In terms of a relationship… it’s a bit difficult to compare them because both couples are kind of confused within themselves. Greenhill is a bit oblivious about Violet’s feelings, and Lilidia are both confused about them being online friends lol so now I imagine these four looking at each other confused because they don’t know why are they even here and what is going on.

If both ships are established relationships though, it would be a tough fight, because Greenhill and Lilia are both competitive.

GreenViolet could win because Greenhill knows Violet better than Lilia knows Idia. And Lilidia could win because Lilia is a war veteran who would get super excited about winning and then teasing Idia about them being the best couple ever…

Anonymous asked:

All You Wanna Do by Samantha Pauly, the live Broadway version reminds me of Alois. Especially the last two minutes…

Wow, listening to this while thinking about Alois was quite a journey! 😬 It really does fit him in a lot of ways, and the last two minutes are especially heartbreaking. Ghhh I love Alois’ story so much.

Thank you for sharing, Anon.

Anonymous asked:

The last ask regarding the Leech parents and their reputation if both of their sons started dating. Out of all the characters you ship them with, which one would make the best impression? My first thought was 🥁 Riddle 🥁

If Floyd would ever settle down (which is hard to imagine with his unpredictable personality), it would definitely be with Riddle. I also think Riddle would make a great son-in-law. Even though Riddle would be very nervous meeting The Leech parents. Riddle Leech has a nice ring to it. Maybe Floyd would take Riddle underwater  to live in the coral sea. Goldfish Riddle confirmed??

But then again, I wonder how Mrs. Rosehearts would feel if her son decided to marry the son of a "Yakuza" boss. Mrs. Rosehearts and Mrs. Leech meeting each other?! 👀

(this is related to this reply)

Sorry for the late reply, Anon! Your ask got me thinking as well, as you can see lol

The Leech parents would absolutely love Riddle! Both because he is hilarious (so uptight, I mean, upstanding!) and because he is genuinely a surprisingly good pick. Just like you said, he is so polite, so well-educated, at times it almost feels too good to be true, how come Floyd of all people brought home such a good boy? They always expected Jade to be the one…  They’ll absolutely let the boys know about it lol embarrassing all of them.

Riddle would be super nervous and a bit scared, but parents are parents, even if they are scary fish mafia parents. So he has to be respectful and polite. Which is honestly only going to amuse Mama and Papa more – Riddle is so tiny and cute with his baby face and tiny hands and stuff, but oh so serious. He’s like a baby doll… they would woobify him a lot lol and tease him in general, but always try to be stealthy about it. Maybe they just don’t want to scare him away because there is no way Floyd finds someone else similar to Riddle lol

Also! Riddle being a goldfish merman is such a fun theme, I love it when people draw him like that. Floyd really should turn him into a merman, poor Riddle is going to be so confused. He is reversed Ariel lol

Oh Mrs Rosehearts is going to hate this so much… Leaving her alone with Mrs Leech is such a bad idea, because Mama Leech is going to play along at first, complaining about how having sons is such a huge source of stress, how rude and ungrateful they are sometimes, and just how much she wants them to just be good and proper at everything that they do. Mama Rosehearts could even think that they are on the same page at first (even though this Leech woman is way too dramatic…)… Mama Leech would just troll her the entire time, just as she does with everyone she talks to… but she’ll like her a lot, she’ll consider her a good friend afterwards <3 and call her every day.

Another potential partner that the Leech parents would love is Idia, and we have some thoughts about them, but I’ll share them a bit later – there is another ask related to this topic that I’ll try to write a proper reply tomorrow. So consider this a teaser and thank you for your patience 👀