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malethirsty · 5 years ago

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And The Beat Goes On - Tomaso Ciampa

Summary: You’d never expected to become so attached to Tomaso Ciampa, first you were a fan, then you were his protege but can the relationship go much further than that? The answer will surprise you.

Warnings: M/M smut (21+), Bareback (Wrap Before You Tap), Violence

Inspired by: https://twitter.com/malethirst/status/1198592781150670848?s=21 & also a request hy @issacloveswwe so if you’re into hot men wrestling and a perspective on it, please check him out, he’s awesome.

If Tomaso Ciampa considered himself daddy, then you were his son. Ever since he had the NXT Title removed from him, he had been training you for your big debut on the roster. He worked you hard with strikes & promo work “They’re actually one and the same, it’s about mentally weakening your opponent, working them down till they can’t do much else and then striking like a snake.” He told you, and you took his advice to heart. Though many saw an evil Blackheart machine, you saw the kind and good soul that lurked beneath.

You appreciated the times you’d spent with him, but when he finally healed and returned to the roster, you were suddenly half complete, he still trained with you but in a lower capacity as he chased Adam Cole for the NXT Title. You were right there supporting him as he intended to make his trip to a Two Time Champion. But in TakeOver Brooklyn, it all came thudding to a halt, you had been in the front row, as part of the NXT team Showing off their new roster talents, so you were stuck as you watched Tomaso’s ‘friend’ Johnny Gargano take the belt and fuck up Tomasso’s plans, letting Adam eclipse him. Was it anger towards Tomaso or a desire to get back at Finn Bálor who beat him earlier by taking away his longest reigning stat, you didn’t know, all you knew was you had to make sure he was alright. A while after TakeOver ended, you walked up to the meds room to see Ciampa on his back, looking blankly up at the roof. “Tomasso” you got out and he looked up at you “Y/N, please go, you shouldn’t have to see me like this, all broken down.” “Bull” you said “It’s wrestling, if I couldn’t handle seeing you beaten up every now and again, I’d be your aged care nurse, not your protege.” He shot a grin ‘Thank God he’s cheering up’ you thought “Think we can train together, to beat Gargano I need to think sharper than before.” You excitedly nodded, more time with him meant you could alleviate that broken emotion you had once he’d stopped. Not thank you were thankful for either Adam or Gargano, the thought of thanking them made you shudder.

So eventually you trained together, Tomasso picking up some of the brutal tips you had gained on the indie circuit. Perhaps a bit too well, as a few weeks later, Ciampa took the brutality to new heights as he smashed Gargano around. Gargano did give as good as he got, but Tomasso was the main deliverer of pain. After the mess was cleared up, Regal & Triple H demanded their differences be resolved, through one last final match. “Gargano’s come last in these due to recklessness” you said, referring to the Cole v. Gargano match at TakeOver: Toronto “He would have had time to practice since then, we can’t rest on him” Ciampa reminded you. Nodding, cause he was right, you still had the last encouraging word “Listen, if you pull it together, you’ll be fine.” Ciampa locked eyes with you, his blue eyes meeting your warm ones and did something that many would be surprised in, he smiled “Well then help me train Y/N, let’s beat this son of a bitch.”

With the PC short staffed due to COVID-19, you and Tomaso trained in close quarters, keeping a distance apart in case, though both of you were cleared, you didn’t want to run the risk. However, wonder lurked in your head ‘What would happen once this feud is over, what will Tomaso Ciampa do?’ You hoped he wouldn’t leave you again, it was painful enough the first time “What are you thinking of?” Tomaso asked “Whether we’ll continue this after this One Final Beat match is done.” You said “Of course we will! The only reason I was distant is that I love having you around and when I went for the NXT title, I needed to focus.” ‘At least he didn’t hate me or something’ you thought as you smiled at him “You know you have the most beautiful smile.” You turned around shocked that Tomaso would let out a comment like that, he was usually more stoic in his praise “Well thank you!” You said, surprised “What? You think I’m not capable of being nice?” “Well given you ran around as a heel for two years it’s a bit surprising” he humorously flipped you off and both of you laughed as you set back to work.

Finally the day arrived and this time, you decided to watch in gurrella instead of watching in the stands, hoping it would change luck, despite Tomaso’s insistence otherwise “Changing position won’t change the match.” He said blankly “I know that, I’m using gurrella as a look out, if someone’s running up with a steel chair linked to Gargano, I can go out behind them and yell to warn you.” Tomaso’s eyebrows raised “That’s actually a good plan, maybe this old dog has taught you new tricks.” “You. Are. 34. Years. Old.” You exasperatedly said slamming your hands together with every word, causing your mentor to burst out laughing. “Ciampa and Gargano to gurrella, Ciampa and Gargano to gurrella” came an announcers voice over the loudspeakers, you passed Candice LaRae on the way up and gave her a short smile which she returned. Eventually you arrived and you used the pretext of going to the food table to stay there whilst both men were briefed on what the match would be. As soon as both men departed, you turned around to watch.

Unpleasant would be an understatement, both these men went at it with such force, it was like they really were fighting for their lives. It got so damn rough that you weren’t surprised that Candice LaRae ran in through gurrella seemingly in tears ‘She’ll probably get Gargano to stop.’ You figured, and she did with a smooth kick to his groin “That’s gonna cost her, no sex at all tonight.” You humoursly commented to the backstage crew who chuckled, only for the laughter to turn into shocked gasps as Candice delivered one to Tomasso! Gargano covered Ciampa as the ref counted 1, 2 and ... 3. “NO!” You yelled, in utter agony that your companion had lost the final battle, you covered your hands and sunk to the ground, it was like your heart had splintered all over the place, no matter of glue could fix it. Your strategy ruined, Ciampa broken, Gargano & Candice dripped in decedant evil, standing prideful above their fallen former friend.

By the point the cameras went off air, the empty heartbrokenness was gone, replaced by pure, unadulterated rage. “Oh look, it’s the bitch of a guard dog.” Gargano said grinning “Hello Gargano” you said curtly, not wanting to tell them how weak they had made you “Looks like you got an upper hand.” You gestured to Candice “Yes he did” she returned, “Maybe you consider getting with the winning team and stop following Ciampa around with love heart eyes.” “And what’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, your tone ranging to dangerous levels. “Y/N, it simply means you should break off this pathetic one sided crush and be with us, we can train you better, be there for each other, even make you scream better than that old man ever could.” “Besides” Candice said, following Gargano’s venemous statement “Johnny Wrestling is known for being the perfection of wrestling, me a pioneer of intergender wrestling and you could be our sponge, soak up all we have so that you can be the most powerful version of yourself, not what many here say you are, the dick rider for Tomaso Ciampa. That is what they say you are, only relevant for riding Tomaso’s weak cock.”

Aggravated was not even the word, you were BEYOND furious. You got right up to Candice’s face “Honey, you aren’t known here as a pixie, or as an intergender pioneer, Kimg Corbin has been more of an intergender pioneer than you. For the entire time you’ve been here, you have been Johnny Gargano’s wife. If it wasn’t for the man’s dick you’re riding, you wouldn’t be in NXT in the first place. And you.” You turned your attention to Gargano “You have some fucking nerve, you think everyone is out to get you, and they have power hungry motives. Well I hope you love your power trip, cause soon you’ll turn it to each other and you know what they say ‘Live Together, Die Alone’” Johnny took a swing at you, you blocked it and using your legs, barrelled down Gargano and placed him in an armbar, he writhed and screamed in pain, Candice taking a run up, you then did something that was both very gutsy, and very risky. Using the rest of your body, you swung your right leg forwards striking Candice right in her vagina, causing her to bellow in pain as she collapsed. Suddenly hands were pulling you away from Gargano “Stop. STOP!” Came William Regal’s voice, and upon this, you slunked away, angry as you were, it was dangerous for anyone to piss off Regal, you instead made your way inside the ring area.

Tomasso was still there on the ring floor, utterly in despair, not like the TakeOver Tomaso, who looked at the roof immerly beginning for advice. He looked like someone who didn’t know where to go, or what they’d do. You went through the ropes into the ring “Tomaso” he flinched “Y/N, leave.” “Stop that, I’ve seen you like this bef-“ “I want you to go!” Tomaso yelled, it stunned you, but you refused to give in “No.” Tomasso began to start crying “Why would you spend all your time on me, you heard Gargano, I’m a failure as your trainer.” “That is crap and you fucking know it, how could you have failed me if I have yet to wrestle a match?, Triple H is looking for spots, as soon as Cole looses his belt, I’m in.” Tomaso shook his head “Your trainer should win matches, not loose them.” “If your trainer is perfect, they try to exact the same standard on you and that’s not it, cause everyone has to lose at something. I’m not good at flips, does that mean I’m a bad protege? Of course not! Tomaso I need you, the WWE Universe needs you, more importantly, you need you, wrestling was what you are made for, take that away and you’ll be miserable.” Tomaso finally got to his feet “Give me a reason” “Are you serious? You know in your heart you want to do this.” “Y/N, I need more than my heart right now, cause my heart gets me into this shit, it got me to reunite DIY and look how that turned out, I meed you to give me a reason, why do you need me? Why am I a shattered man so important to your growth here?” “BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOMASO!”

The words escaped your mouth and a long while ago you’d curse yourself but now you didn’t care “I fucking love you Tomaso, I have done since the day I saw you, when you offered to mentor me, it was like a dove was soaring in me, it was liberating. As we spent more time together, everything deepened, I knew it wasn’t a crush, I knew it was love, pure, utterly reckless love. And that’s when you went back to the main roster to chase for the NXT Championship, I was in such pain, I had spent so much time with you, that time away ripped me open from the inside out. I finally got to get back to that when the whole TakeOver thing went down, I would have liked it to be at a celebration party where we lined up and kissed your ass, but it was in the med room and I didn’t mind, cause I’d rather have you a loser then not have you at all. I love you Tomaso Ciampa, let me know when you have enough balls to love yourself as much.” You finished, breathing heavily, it was Tomaso who looked stunned now as he got to his feet. Knowing you wouldn’t get much else out of him, you turned away, before his hand grabbed you and swung you back around. “I’ve said m-“ you tried to get out but the time for talk was gone, Tomaso was kissing you deeply, wrapping his hands around your head deepening it, like if he let go, you would vanish.

Eventually you broke apart as Tomaso got rid of each article of clothing you had on, along with his gear, so soon both of you were standing naked in the ring. You admired Tomaso’s naked body, he was like one of those Roman gladiators, mattered chest hair, thick muscles and quite possibly the biggest cock you’d ever seen “Get on the floor.” You went down slowly, knowing if you dropped to your knees suddenly, you could bruise yourself or worse, Tomaso laughed gutturally “So damn pretty when you obey daddy. Who do you belong to?” “Y-you daddy.” “That’s right” Tomasso groans out as he moves almost serpent like back towards your mouth, that’s when his dick is near your ass and before you could stop yourself you blurted out “You’re my first.” You blushed a deeper red as Tomaso gazed down at you, moving his hands up your torso “Oh Y/N, I should have known, you shy you were when you first saw me, the timidness behind you when you were trying to ask me things, you didn’t know how to act strong cause you’d never been in love, never knew what it was like to be fucked by a daddy like me. Don’t worry, I’ll help you, like every time before.” Tomasso’s fingers rested on your mouth “Open” he demanded and you did so, sucking his fingers deep down, coating them with saliva. “Good work babe, you know how to make daddy happy, you need a bit of help and that’s alright, relationships are give and take. Relax your ass for me, part your cheeks.” Wondering why you had to part them, you obeyed his instructions, you were about to ask why, only for your question to turn into a gasp as Tomasso shoved a finger in and pushed around, your walls were clamping around him and it was slightly painful “Tomaso, it hurts.” You got out, he quickly pressed his lips to your head “I know, this always happens, do you want me to stop or?” He asked, looking at you for your consensus “Rest a bit” you asked and he obeyed your instructions this time, waiting for a few minutes as you got used to it “Now” you said and Tomaso continued, this time you got a rush and groaned “I’m going to do two now alright? Grip my left hand to numb the pain, if you want to stop say Cold, and I’ll stop, understand?” He looked at you waiting for an answer and you nodded your head.

It was quite an experience, being stretched open by your trainer turned lover in the middle of a wrestling ring, he was right about the pain as he stretched you with more fingers, but by squeezing his hand, you were reassured he was here and would stop if you needed. As with the first, the burn passed and soon you were bucking on his fingers “Daddy, I need your cock” you moaned out in bliss, Tomasso grinning as he removed his fingers and readied your cock “Your hole isn’t Goldie, but I can still tell it “Daddy’s Home!”” With that he shoved his cock inside your ass, the stretch making you rise off the ring, chest first, like an exorcism, but exorcism’s didn’t include a muscular daddy moaning in your ear and stroking your back “So tight for daddy, calm down baby boy, it’s alright daddy’s got you now, I’ll make sure you have the most incredible sex ever.” You nodded, Tomaso’s voice was like molten gold to you and you were desperate to experience all of him.

Tomaso began a gentle pace as he fucked you, moans coming from your mouth non stop, him occasionally adding a groan as well. After a while, whilst you liked this nice nature, you wanted to dance on the wild side, you dug your nails into Tomaso’s back and lent into his ear “I want more”. You drew back to see him grin as he picked the pace up, as his balls began to thud against your ass “Oh yes Y/N! Oh My God, so good for daddy, such a tight hole, desperate and needy for daddy’s cock! Push yourself onto me! I need you close!” You obeyed Tomasso’s instructions as you met, making you both cry out in ecstasy. “Oh Yes! YES TOMASO!” You cried out “Yeah, you like daddy’s big dick?” “Yes! Please never stop fucking me!” “Wouldn’t that be something.” He shot a smile down at you as you continued to work yourself on his cock. You decided to be experimental, you lent forwards as he fucked you and bit into one of his nipples, stimulating it with your teeth, the other with your fingers “OH YES!” Tomasso screamed aloud “Oh fuck Y/N, you’re kinky and I want to show you it all, BDSM, nipple clamps, handcuffs, whips, you name it, we’ll try it! God it took so long for us to say we loved each other but look at us now!”

This was incredible, you were both in the ring, fucking all the tension out of each other, you were starting to experience a hot sensation, not like burning but more a warmth down your lower reigions “Oh Tomaso! Tomaso! TOMASO!” You yelled as your cock shot something over you “Oh my sweet baby boy shot his load all over himself. That’s alright, I’ll teach you cum control.” “W-was that bad to do?” You asked “N-no, in fact your walls are clenching tighter now than before. You can control when it happens though, it’s all experience and knowing when you’re close.” He explained as he bucked faster and rougher “Oh Y/N, daddy’s gonna cum! I’m clean, do you want me to leave it in or take it out?” You thought quickly, knowing as amazing of a fuck Tomaso was, even he would be weak closer to his release like you were “Leave it in, we already have one load out, we need one in.” Tomaso’s face lit up “Yeah, I’m gonna cum in you Y/N, you’re gonna take daddy’s load so good aren’t you?” You nodded your head eagerly as you rose up to meet Ciampa Oh Fuck Y/N! Daddy’s gonna cum, take it all baby boy. Oh fuck yes! OHH! AH!” Other various moans came out as he shot his load all over your tightened walls.”

Tomaso, load free and fuck done, fell forwards onto you, protecting your head from impacting the wood of the ring. You stayed there for a while, catching breath as you got to grips with his thick arms, somehow they made you safe, though you weren’t aware how a pair of arms could do that, but you guessed being around Tomaso, you’d appreciate a lot more. Speaking of Tomaso, he moved his head up to give you a kiss “I love you Y/N, stay with me.” “Of course daddy. I love you Tomaso Ciampa.” You both grinned and laughed, before sharing another kiss. Despite Trips saying the match was one last beat, you knew Tomaso’s blackheart would beat for you and somehow, that was everything.

#Tomaso Ciampa #Male Reader #Tomaso Ciampa x Male Reader #tomaso ciampa smut #WWE #WWE Smut

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imaginesforyourfandom · 5 years ago

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Loving Her: Alex Morgan - Chapter 11

(Y/N) POV:

I let out a sigh as I stood up off the ground. It was about the third time that I had fallen in the span of five minutes. I understood wanting to be aggressive especially if you know that our team has a high-powered offense, but this is ridiculous. I rolled my eyes slightly when the ref didn’t do anything about my fall.

The game had just started, and I was already over it. I could tell that we weren’t playing the way we usually do. Usually, we are in sync and I can read what my teammates are going to do before they do it, but apparently that wasn’t happening today.

It was the 5th minute when Tobin got taken down. The penalty was given, and celebrations followed when Pinoe sent the ball into the back of the net. It was only three minutes later when a mistake was made, and Spain got a goal. I groaned as I shook my head irritation. This so was not our game. None of us were playing well at all. The first half continued with all of us not being in sync and basically fighting the Spanish team. The whole thing was extremely frustrating.

The talks during halftime felt pointless because we were being told the exact same stuff we were told prior to going out. It clearly wasn’t working though. I wanted to check on Alex because I knew she took a few hits during the first half, but it felt like it would be too awkward especially because she was talking to Pinoe and Tobin with Christen so I just felt like it was better if I stayed away.

“Hey.” I turned to look at Crystal who gave me a small smile. “Are you good?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I mumbled as she frowned.

“You’re not playing like you’re good.” She said as I nodded

“I know.” I said as I took a sip of some water. JJ came over and started discussing tactics with us as we made our way out of the locker room. Pinoe and Alex caught up with us as we all talked about changing the game plan just a little.

“We need to slow down the attack.” I said as they nodded their heads. “This fast tempo shit is exactly what they want. I feel like maybe we should slow it down and build out the back. Draw them in and then catch them there.”

We got back out onto the field as the second half started. Nothing changed to be honest. They were still playing aggressively; except this time, I was at my wits end. So, I was fighting back at least just a little. In the 64th minute, Alex got hit with a dirty tackle and I swear I was seeing red. I stood back a little glaring at the ref who was trying to tell Pinoe and Kelley that she wasn’t going to card the player.

I noticed Torrecilla trying to get the ball from Alex who stubbornly wasn’t giving it up. Alex was on the ground and Torrecilla was standing but she was invading Alex’s personal space. That seemed to be what made me snap. I walked towards them as I grabbed the back of Torrecilla’s jersey pulling her backwards and then putting myself between her and Alex. I glared at Torrecilla as my jaw and fists clenched.

“Back Off.” I said as she went to take a step towards me. I shoved her backwards and I clearly won because she took a step back after that. I turned and knelt down next to Alex to make sure she was alright.

“Are you okay?” I asked the forward softly as she nodded her head. I stood and offered her my hand as I pulled her up. Her other hand came to rest on my shoulder as I instinctively rested my hand on her waist.

“Thanks.” She said as I let go of her. I nodded my head as I moved to get the game back going. The next big moment came not long after that in the 70th minute when I was in the box. Alex and I were both going for the ball. She backed off a little knowing I had the better angle. I wasn’t expecting to trip. Torrecilla brushed my leg enough for the ref to call it.

The ref immediately awarded the penalty as I sat for a moment. Alex came over and offered me her hand as I stood. Mapi and them were arguing with the ref as I had an internal battle. On one hand, it probably shouldn’t be a penalty. She brushed my leg, but not enough for me to fall. On the other hand, this is the round of sixteen and we don’t have time to be nice to anyone. Also, this is the same bitch who wouldn’t leave Alex alone. I groaned when the ref decided to do a VAR check. Alex was supposed to take the penalty, but due to the extra time it was taking. Pinoe was going to take it.

I stood off to the side as I watched Pinoe take the penalty. I grinned when it went in. We celebrated and then got back to the game. The rest of the game continued with Spain throwing everything at us. Alex and I both got subbed out around the same time for Carli and Lindsay. I could have collapsed on the ground in actual relief when the game ended. I went around shaking the hands of my opponents and hugging my teammates.

“(Y/N)” I turned when I saw Alexia approaching me. I smiled as I hugged the midfielder. She frowned at me as I gave her a sad smile.

“You guys outplayed us.” I admitted as she nodded her head.

“I know.” She said as Mapi and Jenni approached us. “Just how it goes sometimes.”

“I agree on that.” I said as I hugged Mapi and shook Jenni’s hand.

“Sorry about the rough tackles.” Mapi said with a sheepish smile as I shrugged my shoulders.

“Just how it goes sometimes. I am sorry for almost killing your teammate.” I said as they laughed. “She got too close…”

“Your girlfriend, right?” Mapi asked as I looked at her with wide eyes. “It’s really obvious.”

“She is…” I said as they smiled at me.

“You guys are cute.” Jenni said as I grinned at her.

“Thanks. If anything, this has made me more excited to train with you.” I said to Alexia who nodded her head.

“I agree.” She said as we continued talking for another few minutes. “Can we swap?”

“Yeah for sure.” I said as I pulled my jersey off. I handed it to her as she handed me hers. I gave her another hug before walking towards my team as they started to form the huddle. I saw Becky who rolled her eyes upon seeing me shirtless.

“Put a shirt on.” She said as I grinned at her. I pulled Alexia’s jersey on as I hugged Becky. “I’m a little overwhelmed.”

“Me too.” I said as we walked towards the rest of the team. I joined the huddle as we were given a few words before heading towards the locker room. I was able to get out of doing interviews which I don’t know how considering everything that has happened today.

I pulled the jersey off as I put it in my bag. I didn’t want to lose it. I looked around for warm-up jacket before remembering I didn’t have it because of Alex. I sighed and just opted to steal Becky’s jacket because she never really wore it. She wouldn’t mind.

It didn’t take us long to leave after that as we headed towards the hotel. Once back at the hotel, I beelined it for my room as I took a quick shower. I put on some sweats and a t-shirt before laying in bed. I had heard that Alex was going to dinner with everyone, so I wasn’t worried about her coming in and the plan was to be asleep by the time she got back.

“Hey” I said as Sebastian and Santiago came up on Facetime.

“Why hello…” they said as I grinned at them. “That was quite the game today. You played like shit.”

“Thanks Santi….you say the sweetest things to me. It really blows my mind.” I said as he laughed.

“How you been?” Seb asked me as I shrugged.

“Rough. I potentially ruined one of my best friendships ever and I have no idea what to say to my girlfriend.” I said as they gave me sad looks. “It’s whatever.”

“I think the Christen situation is complicated because what you did was fucked up. You betrayed her trust while she has already been going through some shit. That was wrong of you. You took advantage of all her hard work.”

“She used her resources.” Santiago cut Sebastian off rolling his eyes. “You did a shitty thing, but she would have done the same thing.”

“Her mother just died.” Sebastian said with an incredulous look. “You need to show some goddamn sympathy. You stole her chance to go home and yes, I know why you did it but that doesn’t make it any better. The best thing you can do now is fucking apologize. I know your childhood sucked. Your teen years sucked, but that doesn’t mean that your years as an adult have to suck. You have the chance to do the right thing and fix a friendship that quite frankly is good for you. You need someone who isn’t us or Becky to call you on your shit.” I went to open my mouth to defend myself when he continued.

“Stop being a victim. Do I think what happened to you sucked? Yes of course I do…but you have a family. We are your family. You have people who are willing to lay their lives down for you. Stop focusing on what you don’t have and focus on what you do have. You’re so stuck focusing on how much you’ve been wronged that it made you numb to hurting other people. Hurting someone who really seems to give a damn about you.”

“Damn…” Santi mumbled as I made a face. I frowned looking down. I know he’s right but doesn’t mean I like it.

“As for Alex, I get that she hurt you. She is not the first person to do it and she probably won’t be the last. I also know that you have spent how long being in love with her…are you really going to throw that away because she made one mistake. People aren’t perfect (Y/N). You should know that better than anyone. Stop being a jackass and fix these relationships because for the first time ever I can honestly say that these are people you need in your life.” Sebastian took a breath as I stared at the screen seeing if he was going to continue.

“Are you done?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I hear you. I do.” I said as he frowned. “I am going to fix it. I don’t know how, but I will.”

“Okay I thought you were going to say ‘but’ and I was going to have to come through this phone and fuck you up.” He said as Santiago grinned. I smiled as they both then started telling me about how much I sucked during the game. I jumped slightly when there was banging on the door.

“I’ll call you guys back.” I said as I put the phone down and went and opened the door. I frowned when Lindsay, Mal, Rose, Tierna, and Sam were standing there. “What do you guys want?”

“For you to not be lonely…” Mal said as my frown deepened.

“I’m not lonely.” I said as they all grinned at me,

“Come on.” Rose said pouting at me. “Come hang out with us and get some food.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“That’s a lie. In all the time, I’ve known you. You never turn down food.” Tierna said as rolled my eyes.

“Fine.” I said as I turned to grab my keycard before exiting the room. The first twenty minutes was us walking around kind of doing nothing. Until I decided, I was a little hungry.

“I just was some chips from the vending machine.” I said as they all groaned.

“Eat some real food.”

“This is real food.” I said rolling my eyes. I put the money in and punched the number. I frowned when it didn’t do anything at first and then groaned when I realized my chips were stuck. I could see the girls trying not to laugh as I banged on the machine.

“Are you filming me?” I asked Rose as she shook her head, but I realized they were all filming me as I hit the machine again.

“I feel like this really represents your life right now.” Lindsay said as I laughed slightly before leaning my head on the front of the machine staring at the chips.

“Fuck me…I just want some chips.” I whined as they laughed. I kicked the machine a little and grinned when they fell down. “Yes!” I got them out and turned towards the girls with a grin as I opened the bag.

“That is definitely going on Instagram.” Mal said as I shook my head. Tierna reached into the bag taking some of my chips as I glared at her.

“Get your own.” I complained as she shook her head.

“Have you been on social media at all?” Rose asked me as I shook my head.

“Oh, you’re super famous now.” Sam commented as I furrowed my eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”

“Apparently, Fox Soccer posted a clip of you squaring up with Torrecilla during the game. Now, everyone is like obsessed with you. Some people are obsessed because they think your hot and others because you were very clearly defending Alex. Gosh, what did Pinoe say? The Gays have discovered you or something like that.”

“She just wouldn’t leave Alex alone.” I said as they nodded. “If she had just backed up a little, I wouldn’t have had to step in.”

“It’s cute that despite how upset you are with her…you still stepped in to help her.”

“This situation…it doesn’t change how I feel. I still love her. She is still my girlfriend and me being livid pissed at her doesn’t change that.”

“So, then have you decided to forgive her?”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now. Ask me tomorrow night.” I said as they nodded their heads.

Eventually, I did head back to my room as I realized that they completely derailed my plan. Alex was no doubt probably back and I was going to have to talk to her. I walked into the room cautiously as I glanced around for Alex. She was sitting on her bed as I dropped the keycard onto the table. She looked up and went to open her mouth when I cut her off.

“I don’t want to talk right now. I’m exhausted.” I said causing her to frown. “I will talk to you tomorrow. I don’t know when. I will come to you.”

She looked sad which hurt my heart a little, but I knew it’s what needed to be done. I changed really quick and climbed into my bed. All the exhaustion I felt made it easy for me to pass out the moment I got comfortable.

Once I woke up, I noticed Alex was still asleep in her bed. I changed really quick into my recovery clothes before walking out of the room. I know I need to talk to her, but I will later. I went and bothered Becky for a while and had breakfast with her and the youngins…who all proceeded to give me shit over the vending machine incident.

The first recovery option was the pool which mostly everyone was a part of. I walked into the area and decided it was time to have my first conversation. I walked over towards the forward and sat down next to her. She wasn’t fully in the pool. She only had her legs in as I waited for a moment to see if she would tell me to go away.

“Are you going to speak or are we going to sit here all day?” Christen snapped as I nodded my head. I deserved that.

“Are you going to let me get through what I need to say?” I asked as she gave me a calculated look before nodding her head.

“You don’t have to forgive me. I don’t think I actually expect you to. I just want you to know…you’re right. I am selfish. I am an asshole. Everything I do is for the benefit of myself and I really suck at caring for others. When I was growing up, I struggled because what I was taught to believe and what I actually believed were two different things. I was taught to hate everything about myself without realizing that those parts were the best parts. I struggled between exploring my sexuality and hiding every little thing from my family. When they finally kicked me out, they gave me a choice. I could either choose to be “normal” and stay or choose to be myself and leave. I chose myself. I decided that day that no matter what I would always choose myself no matter who it hurt. I would put myself first. I’ve hurt a lot of people doing that. Including you.” She looked at me her face still showing anger but softening a little bit.

“I took advantage of you when you were vulnerable and that was really shitty of me. It’s debatably the worst thing I have ever done. I don’t say this often, but I wish I could have done things differently. I wish that I had stopped to really consider how hurt you would be. How much I was betraying you and your trust by sharing that information you gave me….I wish I could go back and tell myself that it’s not worth it because this home and family that I’ve been looking for is something I have already found. I found it in Becky who never fails to be there for me. I found it in Alex who loves me despite all my damaged parts, and I found it in you…my best friend…who I now realize is more important than some stupid club.”

“I can’t take back what I did and like I said…I don’t expect you to forgive me anytime soon. You should know though that I’m going to do whatever I can to get your trust back.” I looked down for a moment before looking back up at the forward. “This isn’t the life I necessarily saw for myself. It’s the one I got though and it’s better because you’re in it. So, do know that I am not giving up until we are friends again.”

We were silent for a moment as I let her take in everything I said. I waited a moment before I felt a hard smack on my shoulder.

“Ow!” I said as I rubbed my shoulder. “I deserved that.”

“I hate you so much.” She said as I stared at her. “I hate that you did that to me. I hate the way its made me feel.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are and that’s the part that sucks. I know that you’re sorry. I can tell from the way you act. You really hurt me.”

“I know.” I said with a frown as the forward gave me a sad look.

“After everything I’ve been through, you still managed to hurt me.” I looked down feeling the guilt build in my heart.

“I know and I wish I could take it back and change what I did. You didn’t deserve it.” I said as she nodded her head.

“Please…I am begging you…do not ever do something like this again…it’s one thing to get hurt by regular people…it’s a whole crueler pain when it’s your best friend.”

“I know and I am sorry. I don’t think I will ever be able to apologize enough, but my words are true. I’m not going to give up until you and I are back on solid terms.” I said as she nodded her head.

“I’m still mad at you and it’s going to take me a while to really actually trust you again and for us to be back where we were before…but I do need you around as lame as it is…I don’t want to lose our friendship because you don’t know how to get your head out of your ass…so just don’t do it again please.”

“Deal.” I said softly as she nodded her head. She rested her head on my shoulder as we sat for a moment before I was pushed into the water. Once I resurfaced, she had a smile on her face. “Feel a little better?”

“A little.” She admitted as I rolled my eyes. “I guess I should say sorry too…”

“For what?” I asked as I pulled myself up to sit next to her again.

“What I said…”

“No…don’t.” I said as she frowned. “You don’t need to apologize. What you said doesn’t even compare to what I did…so don’t even worry about it.”

“Technically, I am the one who told the whole team though.” She said with a guilty expression.

“Technically, you wouldn’t have known if Kelley hadn’t said something and Kelley wouldn’t have known if Alex hadn’t said something so…”

“So, you’re placing all the blame on Alex…?” she asked with confusion as I nodded my head a little.

“Kind of. I need to talk to her.” I admitted as she nodded her head. I looked up when someone cleared their throat. Kelley and Tobin were standing there as they gave us nervous expressions.

“Are we friends again?” Kelley asked as I looked to Christen.

“Yeah I guess so.” She said rolling her eyes as I smiled slightly. I knew we weren’t going to be where we were before, but I appreciated that she at least wasn’t glaring at me anymore.

“Awesome.” Kelley said climbing into the pool, so she was in front of Christen and I. Tobin rolled her eyes but follow Kelley anyway. “What are you guys talking about?”

“Alex” Christen responded as I gave her a look.

“Oof…she is so unhappy right now.” Kelley said as I stared at her with a frown.

“Is it because they aren’t talking?” Christen asked motioning to me.

“Yes and no.”

“What do you mean yes and no?” I asked with confusion.

“She’s upset because you’re not talking to her, but then she was kind of mad because she thought you were flirting with Alexia Putellas yesterday. The whole jersey swap thing didn’t help either. You know how she gets.”

“She’s jealous….of Alexia…who I just really met yesterday…” I said as Kelley nodded.

“To be fair…you aren’t talking right now so I think she’s just afraid that you’re going to end things…so she has become paranoid over everything.” Tobin said as I sighed.

“Of course, she has…” I mumbled closing my eyes in frustration. “You know what is really stupid…I have been avoiding her because I don’t know how to say what I need to say.”

“That being…?”

“I’ve already forgiven her. I think I did the night it happened. I’ve made a lot of mistakes…clearly…it would be extremely hypocritical of me to hold this over her…I still feel hurt though and that’s the part that complicates everything.”

“You don’t want to get hurt again…but could you really imagine your life with anyone else? Being with anyone else? Or even Alex being different than the way she is…?” Kelley asked me.

“Alex is a lot of things…she’s gets jealous easily…she is stubborn…I think she really likes to argue about stupid stuff…she frustrates the hell out of me…”

“But…?” Christen gave me a look knowing there was no way that was the end of my thought.

“She’s the love of my life. She’s a sweetheart. She sees the world in the most amazing ways. She knows me better than anyone. Despite everything, I know my heart couldn’t be safer with her.”

“Y’all just need to get married already.” Kelley said with a giant smile as I rolled my eyes. “I’m serious. Like, I wouldn’t be surprised if you did get married soon. You’ve both waited a really long time and you were basically dating before just without the kissing and stuff.”

I rolled my eyes as I stood up and headed towards the side to dry off. I completed a couple more recovery activities before heading back to my room. I walked in and got in some lounging clothes and started getting my stuff together. We would have a travel day tomorrow, so I needed to make sure I was ready to leave. I looked over when the door opened and in walked Alex. She looked tired as I gave her a concerned look. I know she took some heavy falls during the game yesterday.

“Are you okay?” I asked as she looked at me. I could see the hesitancy on her face.

“No, I’m exhausted and my knee and back kind of hurt.”

“I’m sorry.” I said as she nodded her head.

“I should have thanked you yesterday for standing up for me with Torrecilla. I really appreciated it.” She said with a small smile.

“No one’s allowed to touch you.” I said seriously as she her smile widened just a little. “I’m serious. As long as I am around, no one is going to lay a hand on you.”

“I appreciate that.” She was quiet for a moment before she looked at me. “Are we going to talk about it?”

“We should.” I said as she nodded. I sat down on the bed as she came and sat next to me.

“I am really sorry.” She said after a moment. “I know it doesn’t make it better. I shouldn’t have said anything to anyone, but it really was an accident. It just…”

“Alex…I know. Kelley told me what happened. I’ve had a lot of time to think.” I said as she nodded. “I’m not happy with what happened. Obviously, I wish things had been different. I wish you hadn’t told anyone, but I am also beginning to realize that maybe it was better that everyone knew.”

“Wait…what?” she gave me a look of confusion as I gave her a soft smile.

“Everyone has been really supportive about it…it has sort put things in perspective and helped me realize what is really important. I’ve been looking for something for years and it took this all happening for me to realize that I couldn’t find it because I already had it…”

“What’s that?”

“A Family.” I said as she gave me a soft smile. “Don’t get me wrong. I am still really upset over it, but I forgave you already. I’ve realized that you frustrate me beyond belief more than anyone I have ever know…but I would rather do extremely fucking difficult with you than do easy with anyone else. Including Alexia Putellas.”

“I’m going to kill Kelley.” She said burying her face in her hands. “I really need to stop telling her things.”

“You think?” she gave me a pout as I smiled at her.

“Are we going to be okay?” she asked me after a moment.

I looked down trying to gather my thoughts. I was no doubt still a little mad over it, but I really didn’t feel like throwing my whole relationship out over it was worth it. Sebastian was right. I do play the victim a lot, but I am tired of doing that. I’m tired of running away when things get difficult because it might be a little hard to fight. If I had to pick a time to fight and a person to fight for, it’s Alex. It’s always going to be Alex.

“You know…I had a whole meltdown when I realized I loved you…”

“Really?”

“Yeah…because it freaked me out so bad. When I realized I loved you, I was a goner because I had this epiphany that I was never going to be truly happy unless I was with you. It sucked at the time because I didn’t know you loved me back, but I was fully ready to just live life like that…knowing I was never going to reach peak happiness because I didn’t have you. Since I actually got you, I’ve never wanted to let go. Not once. Even through this mess…I never once considered letting go. My love for you is that strong…so, yeah I think we are going to be okay.”

To Be Continued…

#alex morgan imagine #alex morgan imagines #alex morgan #uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #uswnt

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hazyheel · 5 years ago

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WWE Stomping Grounds 2019 Predictions

Super Showdown Part II is what this show should be called, as most of the matches on the card are rematches from Sweet Saudi Money 3, more blood money for me. Even still, that card looks okay, and so does this one. It doesn’t look like it will be one of the greatest shows of the year or anything, but there is no reason that it shouldn’t be good and fun. So here are my predictions for Stomping Grounds 2019.

Only a couple non-title matches on this show, and we are starting with Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens vs. Big E and Xavier Woods of the New Day. Both Owens and Zayn have feuded with Kofi over the WWE Championship a bit in recent months, with Owens even going as far as re-injuring Big E in storyline. This is a tough one, because nothing is really on the line, but I’m actually going with Owens and Zayn on this one, because they lost in tag matches two nights in a row. They need something, unless WWE is really trying to bury them, which they very well could be. If this is booked as a back and forth contest, then it should be good, but it probably will be a lot of rest holds and a hot tag or two. I’m not really looking forward to this.

Then we have Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre. They have been feuding really since late last year, and even going into Wrestlemania, but the latest chapter in their feud stems around Shane McMahon. McIntyre is Shane’s little helper, aiding him in a match against Reigns at Super Showdown. So, Reigns and McIntyre are now having a match, probably a placeholder until Reigns can really finish off Shane. I’m going to go with Reigns on this one, but it is another toughy. I don’t know when they will pull the trigger on Shane/Reigns II, whether it be at Extreme Rules, Summerslam or later. Hell, there is a distinct possibility that Shane will be the one to beat Kofi for the WWE championship at some point, and then Reigns will take it off of him. I am hoping that we are just going to get Reigns vs. Shane at Summerslam, not for a belt, and that this match and Extreme Rules will just have some placeholders. I think that Reigns is going to win here, and he kinda has to. I mean, he lost to Shane fucking McMahon at Super Showdown. Yeah, McIntyre was the reason for the win, but still. Dude needs some momentum. I think that he wins here, although it could easily be McIntyre. This match will definitely be full of interference and shenanigans, so I don’t expect much from it, which really sucks considering how talented they both are.

Into the Cruiserweight Division, and the first of our title matches, we have Akira Tozawa vs. Drew Gulak vs. Tony Nese for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship. This is an interesting story, where Nese originally asked Drake Maverick to allow Tozawa to challenge for his championship, but Drake did not book the match. Instead, he booked a Fatal 4-way, Akira Tozawa vs. Drew Gulak vs. Humberto Carillo vs. Oney Lorcan. Gulak had also gotten a sort of career resurgence, after severing ties with both Carillo and Jack Gallagher, returning to action as a more vicious wrestler, introducing a lot more strikes and power moves into his repertoire. During that fatal 4-way, Tozawa and Gulak pinned each other at the same time in a cradle, giving us an indecisive finish. So in response, Drake Maverick booked this Triple Threat. There is also some history between Gulak and Nese, as they were once friends in the Zo Train (Enzo’s Amore’s terrible heel stable), only for Gulak to betray him when the group broke up. So there are a lot of moving parts here, and I think that this is Gulak’s time to shine. He has gotten a new attitude, he has two people that he really hates against him, he is a bit of an underdog against two face opponents, and I think that he can and should win here. It is cutting Nese’s run as champion a bit short, but three months is still pretty good. Gulak should win here, and really reign terror down on the cruiserweight division. This match should be fast paced and awesome, so I’m really looking forward to it.

And in the tag division, Heavy Machinery challenge the Planet’s Tag Team Champions for the Smackdown Tag Team Championships. Tucker and Otis challenged the champions a while ago, but since Bryan refuses to go to Saudi Arabia, the match hasn’t happened yet. But the only real background for this match is that Bryan and Rowan said there was no one left for them to beat in the tag division. So, now we have this match. I think that the champions will retain here, probably by some nefarious means, and then we can have a rematch with a stipulation for Extreme Rules. Because who better to beat some snobby environmentalists than a team that is literally named after something they hate. But for now, they will probably lose here, allowing for a bit more time with Daniel Bryan’s awesome promos.

Into some midcard stuff, we have Samoa Joe vs. Ricochet for the WWE United States Championship. This was simply built, with Ricochet winning a Fatal 5-way elimination match to qualify. Also, it’s a dream match that a bunch of people want. And while Ricochet definitely deserves the belt, I don’t think now is the right time. Joe hasn’t really established himself as a strong champion just yet, given that he kinda sorta lost it to Rey Mysterio via some shoddy officiating, but then got it back because Mysterio was injured. He needs a good defense, and Ricochet is the guy to beat to do it. This is a battle of a couple awesome workers, and is also the match I’m most looking forward to. I’m really excited for this one, and Joe should win here. Although I suspect Ricochet isn’t too far away from the title.

Then we have the women’s division, we have Bayley vs. Alexa Bliss for the Smackdown Women’s Championship. This story revolves a lot around Bliss being manipulative, and making everyone think that Bayley is awful. She is mainly working her magic on Nikki Cross, who is convinced that Bayley is a bad person on the inside after Bayley screwed them out of a Women’s Tag Team Championship match. Admittedly, Bliss did attack Bayley first, but it was still Bayley’s fault that they lost. Bliss was also spreading rumors about Bayley being mean to fans, which was starting to get to some of the other ladies. As for this match, I was kinda torn here, until I realized that Bliss was on Raw, so she should lose. I don’t know where the Cross and Bliss story goes from here, maybe they continue to feud with Bayley, but Bayley needs a big title win on Pay per view. The match could be good, but Bliss is a bit too hit or miss for me to get my hopes up. I hope Bayley wins here, because I still think about how badly Bayley was buried during their feud in 2017, and I do not use that word lightly.

On the Raw side it is Becky Lynch vs. Lacy Evans for the Raw Women’s Championship. Evans challenged Lynch for the Raw Women’s Championship at Money in the Bank in a losing effort. During her next match against Charlotte Flair for the Smackdown Women’s Championship, Evans got involved and screwed Lynch out of her second title. So they are still feuding, despite the audience getting bored of it. Becky has to retain here. She is still riding high after her win at Wrestlemania, and even though she isn’t as white hot as she was when they wrote her like a heel, she is still doing awesome and kicking ass. There is more money to be made with Becky, so she should win here. Not looking forward to this match because Evans hasn’t shown me that she is on Lynch’s level in the ring. I hope she proves me wrong, but I doubt she will. So I really don’t care about this match, but I definitely will if Becky loses.

And in the world title picture, we have Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler in a Steel Cage match for the WWE Championship. Dolph still says that he should be the WWE Champion rather than Kingston, and he has doubled down on it since Super Showdown. Ziggler was admittedly screwed at that show, as he superkicked Xavier Woods on the outside, only for Woods to then get involved and give him an ensiguri to the back of the head as he hit the ropes. Ziggler was furious and demanded a rematch in a cage, so that no one could interfere. Normally this story is reversed, with the face asking for a cage match to prevent interference, but whatever. Kingston will still win, because Ziggler is just a placeholder feud, and he will not beat Kofi. This could be good, but Ziggler and Kingston have never seemed to have a really good match together. They are both really good, but don’t have that chemistry for whatever reason. I hope this is good, because they deserve a good match. But no way Ziggler is winning this.

And finally, we have Seth Rollins vs. Baron Corbin for the WWE Universal Championship, with Corbin allowed to pick the referee. This all stemmed from a weird story, where the two had a match at Super Showdown, in which Corbin continuously yelled at the referee. In the finish, the ref yelled back at him, so Rollins rolled him up for the win. Corbin then said that the ref beat him, not Rollins, and demanded a rematch with a ref of his choosing. It was booked that way, but then Rollins went on a damn warpath. Anyone who even considered being Corbin’s referee was viciously beaten down by Rollins, with a chair no less. So going into this match, we do not know who the ref will be. I figure that I will make that part of the prediction, because why not? Part of me thinks that it will be Lesnar, but I don’t think that they will write Corbin that stupid, because Brock would cash in on either of them at the end of the match. So maybe, instead of Brock himself, it’ll just be Paul Heyman. That would make sense, because while Corbin isn’t so stupid to put Brock as the ref, he is booked just stupid enough to put Heyman in that role. Because heels are all friends. Anyway, it doesn’t matter who the ref is, Rollins is winning. Corbin isn’t on Rollin’s level, and while he is a believable challenger, he is not a believable champion. Again, this could be good. Like, Corbin is capable of having good matches. But he hasn’t had a good match in months, so I don’t think it will be. That’s just the truth.

So, these are my predictions. I don’t think this will be the best show in the world, but it isn’t supposed to be. It’s a B-Show. So lets hope that it is good, but lets not get our hopes up.

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theunseeliemperoress · 6 years ago

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Ultimate Custom Night: Voice’s

(I’ve decided to make a post of all the lines from the game [not including phone guy’s] and give my analysis/opinion on them)

This is the video I used as a ref

Foxy: “Yar I came for ye booty. That be treasure you know.” “Yar. You never stood a chance.” “I can’t run like I used to. But I can pull my self apart just fine.” (Could refer to how he’d run at you in the first game) “Arr. So much more spacious in here. I may stay a while.” “Yar har har. Never underestimate the cunning of a pirate. Or a fox for that matter.” He sounds exactly how I thought he would.

Nightmare Fredbear: “Let’s see how many time’s you can be pulled apart.” (pulling things/being pulled apart seems to be a reoccurring theme) “I assure you I am very real” “This time there is more than an illusion to fear.” (Both lines could be about how in FNAF 4 none of the animatronics are real) “We know who are friends are. But you are not one of them.” “Let me put you back together. And then take you apart all over again.” I like how his voice is gruff and distorted (actually I like how all the fnaf 4 animatronics have distorted voices). It also sounds layered to me. Or there could be a second voice underneath.

Happy Frog: “Everyone underestimates me. But then they turn their back and I’m like boo! And their like wagh!” “Move over Freddy Fazbear! Happy Frog is the new star of the show.” “We’ve only just begun. I will never let you leave. I will never let you rest.” (Said in a whispered tone. Sounds more sinister than her usual voice) “I bet you weren’t expecting me were ya? Turn your back for one second and I’m like wozoo! Ninja skills.” “You and I don’t get to talk as often as I’d like.” Very cute voice acting. I like how they throw in one creepy line. That should throw a few people off.

Jack-O-Chika: (voice is distorted) “I am a burning reminder of your misdeeds.”) “Greetings from the fire and the one you should not have killed.” (Player character killed someone. Who? My theory at the moment is they’re the purple guy (or maybe one of them) and they’re in hell. But we’ll see if that sticks) “Did things get really hot in here? Or is it just me?” “Come and burn with me. The fire burns eternal. And now you shall as well!” (Further supports my hell theory) A lot of their lines contain hints towards the lore. But due to the distortion they can be hard to hear. Typical of fnaf lore (in plain sight but hard to decipher). My fave voice from the fnaf4 animatronics.

Lefty: (whispers everything) “Shhh...Come spend eternity inside. With me.” (Inside where?) “Shhh...I’ve been looking for you. And now I’ll never let you go.” “Shhh...I’m so glad that I found you. Let me make room for you.” “Shhh...It will all be over soon.” “Shhh...There is room for one more.” (One more in the suit?) His voice is actually one of the creepiest to me. Especially as it sounds like a little boy.

Mangle: “I wanted to wait till just the right moment to drop in.” “It’s so much more fun hanging out in here with you.” “He’s here. And always watching. The one you shouldn’t have killed.” (”The one you shouldn’t have killed” is mentioned a lot) “Don’t be afraid. Soon you will look just like me. Beautiful.” “Now I get to play take apart and put back together. You won’t feel a thing.” The fact they have a male and female voice actor makes me really happy.

Marionette: “The others are under my protection.” “Seeing you powerless is like music to me.” “The others are like animals. But I am very aware.” (Did the other children/victims loose their humanity? Why not this one?) “I don’t hate you. But you need to stay out of my way.” “I recognise you. But I’m not afraid of you. Not anymore.” (Further evidence player character was/is a killer) The childish voice makes an already creepy character creepier. Are they the one “You should not have killed?” (Though their voice sounds like a little girl and Mangled clearly say “He’s here”.)

Ballora: “I could hear you breathing.” “Admit it. You wanted to let me in.” “These are strange circumstances. That have brought us together.” “Don’t be shy. Why do you hide inside these walls?” Her lines are very flirty. Which seems strange.

Toy Chica: “Where’s my beak? Lodged in your forehead of course.” “*Giggles* You won’t get tired of dying will you? You won’t get tired of my voice? Will you?” (further evidence towards the hell theory) “Let’s go somewhere more private. So I can eat you.” Interesting but very fitting voice acting. Nightmare Bonnie: “You will not be spared. You will not be saved.” “The shadows (indistinct) me. And (indistinct) you back to horror(?) “Your/You’re wickedness made of flesh.” “I’m here to claim what is left of you.” Creepy voice but I can barely understand anything he says

The Music Man: “Hear that. It’s the sweet sweet sound of your eternal silence.” “Hey keep it down would ya?” “When I’m here you play by My rules.” “A song was requested of me. And now I sing it.” “You and I will be making music together for a long long time.” A weird voice for a weird looking character.

Nedbear: “Stranger danger! *laughs* I was just waiting for you to drop your guard.” “Woops. That’s gonna leave a mark.” “This is how it feels. You get to experience it over and over and over again. Forever. I will never let you leave.” (A little girls voice can be heard just out of sync) “Don’t you hate getting killed by obscure secondary characters?” The hillbilly accent is fun. The little girls voice implies even these characters have dark secrets.

Nightmare Freddy (voice is distorted): “No light can save you now.” “I have always been hiding in your shadow.” “What a gift to relish a victim that can’t perish.” (Hell theory) “I am given flesh to be your tormentor.” “I am remade. But not by you. By the one you should not have killed.” Very creepy. Probably one of the easiest Nightmare to understand but still creepy.

Nightmare BB: “There just isn’t room in here for both of us.” “You knew I’d get you eventually.” “Come closer. Help me count my teeth.” “Flash that light all night/all you like. It can’t save you now.” “You’re not so big. Just a bite size morsel.”

Nightmarionette: (voice is distorted) “The nightmare is just beginning.” “Let’s taste (?) death again, and again and again.” “I am the fear of your reflection and the one you have created.” (The one you have created could be the Marionette) “This is a nightmare you won’t wake from.” (Hell theory?) “This time death can not save you.” (Hell theory) Voice is very hard to understand but very creepy.

Nightmare Mangle: Voice is covered by a lot of static and radio interference. I could hear something that sounded like “Come here come here” though it’s not clear.

William Afton: “I always come back.” Has a more human sounding voice despite being in a state of disrepair (like the nightmares and withered animatronics) which makes sense. The fact he and Springtrap are different animatronics throws a wrench in a few theories I’ve heard.

Orville Elephant: “I hope you enjoyed the grand finale.” “Now is my time to shine.” “He tried to release you. He tried to release us. But I’m not gonna let that happen. I will hold you here. I will keep you here. No matter how many times they burn us.” (a little girls voice can be heard just after his. Who are they?) “What did you think of my act? I don’t get out much. So you’ll have to forgive my enthusiasm. I love how he sounds like a sweet old man.

Pigpen: “Even monkey’s fall from trees.” “The nail that sticks out gets hammered down.” “The talented hog hides his claws.” “I consider it a dignified death. Not really it was actually quite pathetic.” “If you sit by the river long enough you’ll see the body of your enemy floating by.” The hillbilly voice really suits him, and the banjo makes me laugh.

Rockstar Bonnie: (Electronic voice, sings) “What a fine day to come here and say Your face and flesh I must flay” “What a treat, to come here and meet (?), your face as it hits concrete (?) “I found my guitar. now reach for the stars, As I bludgeon and pull you apart.” “Why so blue? You know I’ll be true. And now I’ll make slippers (?) out of you.” “So good to see you again. My truest friend. But now your life must end.” (Calls the player character his “truest friend”. Does he mean it? Why does he want to kill PC? Did PC kill him (if he’s one of the possessed animatronics) Interesting how he’s the only one who sings.

Rockstar Chika: “That’ll teach ya for trying to trick this old bird.” “Thought you could fool me with that sign. But I was too smart for ya.” “I may not like wet floors but the smell of fresh meet is just too enticing.” “Looks like you’re the one who slipped up this time.” “That’s right. And don’t you come back now you hear.” Her voice makes me think of a female rockstar from the 70s or 80s.

Scrapbaby: “Time for your controlled shock.” (said two different ways) “Let’s see how many pieces I can cut you into.” “You won’t die. But you’ll wish you could.” (hell theory) Sounds just like Baby’s voice. (personally I’d have made it a little different but it’s fine as it is) Toy Freddie: “It’s not my fault. I have these fat plastic fingers that can’t press the buttons.” “Mr hugs got me again.” “If I get jumpscared. You get jumpscared.” “That game was totally rigged.” “That’s what you get for leaving me hanging.” Voice could get annoying after a while.

Trash and the gang: (female voice, whispers) “Psst over here. Get closer.” “Excuse me could you come a little closer?” “Hey. Down here. Hello. I wanted to ask you something. Its something really important.” “Psst. I have something to tell you.” “Hey hey. I want to tell you something.” The voice seems to only be there to trick the player into listening more closely before they are jumpscared.

Rockstar Freddie: “Please deposit five coins.” (Said repeatedly during gameplay when active. After jumpscaring the player is said once and grinds to a stop)

Rockstar Foxy “Yar. Ye play with fire and sometime’s ye get burned.” Voice is very similar to Foxy’s but the slight difference is fitting.

Withered Bonnie: (voice has an electronic echo) “Time to face the consequences of your behaviour (?)” “Might as well face the facts. You were always destined to fail.” “You blinked.” “Why (indistinct)? Is it me (indistinct)? Or is it you? Perhaps it is us both.” “I’ve made (indistinct) fate. But (indistinct) taught (?)” Could someone please tell me what he’s saying?

Withered Chika: (Indistinct) through the vent. But now we are together.” “Let me show you how to break your face and look like me.” “I was the first. I have seen everything.” (The first what? Animatronic? Victim?) “Come closer. Let’s smile(?) together.” “I have seen him. The one you shouldn’t have killed.” The juttering voice is creepy though not the creepiest.

Baby: “I guess you forgot about me.” “Want to see the scooping room?” (Player character could be the main character from SL or Baby’s creator. Or both?) “Guess you forgot about me. Looks like something bad happened.”

Robot(?): “Now I will tell you a story.” “But he could not choose.” “He placed the remains together.” “He promised to never leave them.” Sounds like the War of the Worlds CD my mum has. Who’s story is it telling? The player characters? The Marionettes?

Mr Hippo: NOPE. NO. Not doing it. I’m not typing all his lines. I’d like to do other things today thank you very much. (His line “maybe I met some sort of demise of my own” is interesting though) Sounds like an old man.

#ultimate custom night #fnaf #long post bellow the read more #info dump

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wrestlingisfake · 6 years ago

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G1 Climax B Block finals preview

Kenny Omega (12 points) vs. Kota Ibushi (10 points) - This is for 2 points in the G1 Climax tournament’s B block. Omega’s IWGP heavyweight title is not at stake, although if he loses that would virtually guarantee Ibushi gets a title match later, regardless of who wins the G1 tournament.

I already ran through all the scenarios of who can win B block (to face the A block winner in the finals). If Omega wins this match, he wins the block. If Ibushi wins, then either Ibushi or Tetsuya Naito wins the block, depending on whether Naito loses his match. If this match goes to a 30-minute draw, either Omega or Naito will win the block, depending on the outcome of the Naito match.

As far as I could determine this is the first one-on-one Omega/Ibushi match since August 2012, when Ibushi defeated Omega to retain the DDT championship, during their original run as the Golden Lovers tag team. I haven’t seen the match, but people talk about it in awestruck tones, and the NJPW English announce team has alluded to Kota and Kenny refusing to rematch for fear that they would go too far trying to top it. Watching both of them damn near kill themselves against other opponents, I can see why there’d be concern about them working with one another. So the hype for this thing is off the charts, and it’ll be very difficult to live up to.

The Golden Lovers gimmick is that Omega and Ibushi aren’t just friends but in an ambiguous romantic relationship. I mean, it’s not ambiguous to the fans, but the wrestlers themselves don’t directly spell it out and New Japan seems to actively avoid commenting on it. Regardless, the idea is that Kenny was damaged and incomplete while the team was disbanded, but their reunion this year has turned everything around and contributed to Kenny winning the IWGP title. What matters here, then, is that neither man wants to seriously harm the other, but they can’t go easy either, so we’ll be seeing a lot of mixed emotions beyond the usual “friends have to fight” match.

The “Bullet Club OG” group (Tama Tonga, Tanga Loa, and Bad Luck Fale) have basically made it their mission to ruin this tournament, especially where it concerns Omega and Ibushi. They started out taking blatant disqualifications to protect one another from being pinned, but then they escalated to interfering in matches they had nothing to do with, and then to forcing a no-contest in the Omega/Young Bucks vs. Ibushi/Scurll/Owens match. I can’t see this match ending in a draw or a double-disqualification, but the NJPW bookers clearly want the idea in your head.

Given the choice between Omega, Naito, and Ibushi to win B Block, I’d pick Ibushi just because I think that’d be more novel. However, I’m increasingly thinking that Omega is going to pull off the big “win the G1 as reigning champion” feat. One way or another, I think he’s going to come out on top here.

Tetsuya Naito (12 points) vs. Zack Sabre, Jr. (10 points) - Sabre is already mathematically eliminated from winning the block, and Naito will be too if Sabre wins this match. If Naito wins, he’s still alive, but he needs Omega to lose or draw. Even if this match goes to a time limit draw, Naito is still alive, but he needs Omega to just plain lose. Sabre has scored some key wins to get him into the midcard title hunt, but I don’t see him beating Naito unless it’s necessary to set up a plot point in the Omega/Ibushi match. And maybe it is, but since I’m not sure I gotta pick Naito to win.

Juice Robinson (4 points) vs. Hirooki Goto (6 points) - Robinson is the United States champion and Goto is the NEVER champion, but neither title is on the line. Juice cannot strike with the “cast” on his left hand (more like a plastic splint wrapped in wrist tape) or he will be disqualified.

Robinson’s run this year has been interesting. On the one hand, he’s stepped up his game since his G1 debut last year, and he’s a champion. On the other hand, he suffered a (legit?) broken metacarpal a few weeks back, which is particularly disastrous because his specialty is his left-handed knockout punch. Robinson gutted through the injury (and the added stip about the cast) to win the US title, but competing in the G1 is a longer, more relentless task. After mounting losses (which translates into many future challengers), Juice started removing the cast to bring his knockout punch back into play, but that also increases his risk of aggravating the injury and prolonging his recovery time. It’s a simple and delightfully effective storyline.

It’d be a nice feel-good moment for Juice to get one last victory to end on a high note, but this isn’t the part of the story for feel-good moments. That will come later in the year, I think, when he has to defend the title against all the guys who beat him in this tour...but his hand will be 100% and he’ll be steamrolling through them. (I hope.) So for now, the right finish is for Goto to get the win.

Tomohiro Ishii (8 points) vs. SANADA (8 points) - Ishii always gets rave reviews for his G1 matches, but I can’t ever get fully invested in them because I always know he can’t actually win enough matches to constitute a push. He does have a win over Kenny Omega and I’m sure he’ll get a title shot this fall, which will be well-received. But I don’t believe for a second he’ll ever be IWGP champion, so it all feels kind of hollow. Sanada is more or less in the same boat, though, so at least this match should be competitive. It doesn’t matter who wins, really.

Tama Tonga (6 points) vs. Toru Yano (4 points) - Tama has basically stopped giving a shit about winning his matches or even trying to prevent the referee from noticing his rule-breaking. Yano, on the other hand, has turned sneaking things past the ref into an art form. In other words, they’ll both cheat like crazy, but Yano is more apt to get away with it, which means either Yano wins by DQ or Yano wins by sneaky pinfall or count-out. The only thing working in Tama’s favor is that it’s a running gag that Yano acts like he’s literally a spooky demon or something. Me too, Yano, me too.

Kazuchika Okada & YOSHI-HASHI & Gedo vs. Hiroshi Tanahashi & Togi Makabe & Tomoaki Honma - Okada and Tanahashi are coming off of their big match to determine the A Block, but the big story here is actually Honma, who suffered a neck injury during a March 2017 match, which nearly left him paralyzed and required surgery. Honma returned to the ring a couple of months ago, but this is only the second match in his comeback. This was originally going to be an eight-man tag with Elgin on the Tanahashi team and Jado on the CHAOS team, with the idea that Honma could seek revenge on Jado for the move that nearly left him paralyzed. But Jado hurt his foot recently so he had to pulled from the tour.

I’m concerned Honma’s comeback is premature or ill-advised, and I’m not sure it’ll be much fun watching him work knowing how important it is to keep him safe. You’d hope the other five guys can carry the match for him, but if that’s what it takes he probably shouldn’t be back in the ring yet. Or maybe he’s really made incredible progress and he’s back to 100%. But I doubt it. Honma should probably get the pin on Gedo, although I wouldn’t be surprised if they just have him set Gedo up for Makabe to finish him off.

EVIL & BUSHI vs. Minoru Suzuki & El Desperado - Just a random undercard tag match, doesn’t matter what happens.

Nick Jackson & Matt Jackson & Marty Scurll vs. Jay White & SHO & YOH - Scurll and the Young Bucks are the NEVER trios champions, but that title is not on the line here. (Neither are all the other championships the Bucks currently have.) This could get interesting since White has been teaming with Yoh, and treating him like shit, throughout this tour, but now he’s also teaming with Yoh’s regular partner Sho. Also, Yoh and Sho’s coach, Rocky Romero, has been losing his fucking mind about White’s shenanigans on English commentary. In theory a win for White’s team would put them in line for a trios title shot, but I can’t believe this trio can coexist for more than ten seconds. That won’t stop White from trying to direct traffic, I would imagine. The Bucks will probably pin Sho or Yoh after slapping their thighs a lot.

Bad Luck Fale & Tanga Loa vs. Hangman Page & Chase Owens - Page and Owens have been regular partners on this tour, but they’re kinda fucked against two of the Bullet Club OG group. This is either gonna be a win for the Tongans or a DQ loss preceded by a savage mugging.

Michael Elgin & David Finlay vs. Toa Henare & Shota Umino - This was originally going to be Finlay vs. Henare, but Jado’s injury caused Elgin to get bumped from his match, so here we are. If you’ve been listening to English commentary you’ll recall that there was some ironic hype about Finlay/Henare--which had been the one and only non-tournament singles match on the schedule--which was jokingly referred to as “C Block.” So Kevin Kelly and Rocky Romero might be unusually jazzed for this one. I’m pretty sure Finlay will just pin Umino, but watch the announcers treat it like Wrestlemania.

#njpw #g1 climax #kenny omega #kota ibushi #tetsuya naito

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tkmedia · 3 years ago

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Dougie’s Monday Mailbag (Gervonta Davis, Vasiliy Lomachenko)

Davis swung for the fences with almost every shot he launched at Barrios. Photo by Amanda Wescott-SHOWTIME 28 Jun by Doug Fischer LOMA AND TANK Dougie, What a great night of boxing. Loma is looking back to his usual self, and dammit if Tank isn’t always in tense and exciting fights. Kinda wish the ref would have let Barrios go out on his shield, but I know that’s not his job. What do you think Tank should do next? How do you see Tank vs. Josh Taylor playing out? Also, Loma loses to Lopez again (too much power), but I’d love to see it happen anyway. Maybe Loma pulls a Marquez (a la Baby Bull Diaz or Pacquiao IV) and just starches Lopez. I’d lose my mind if that happens, but in a good way. Loma is legit obsessed with Lopez right now. Side note: I just graduated from Columbia (wassup fellow alumnus). Any advice for a recent grad? Got my masters in nutrition and exercise physiology, and honestly, if I could be Canelo’s strength coach and sports dietitian, life would be pretty sweet. I’d settle for being on AJ’s team though. All the best. – JC, Dallas You gotta pay your dues, JC. That’s the best advice I can give anyone (Columbia grads included) and it’s true for every profession. So, if you want to get into boxing as a S&C coach, it’s best to start from the bottom up and work on your craft/profession as your teammates/clients learn their craft/profession. Work with promising amateurs and young prospects – or maybe even not-so-promising boxers who aren’t that young – (do it for free if necessary) and help them achieve their goals, thus growing with them in the sport. Every S&C coach you’ve heard of started out this way. What a great night of boxing. It was a lot of fun, but I wish the DAZN, ESPN and Showtime PPV broadcasts didn’t overlap the way they did. I can’t fully concentrate on three screens (four if you count the Twitter page that I kept flipping back and forth with the ESPN+ player on my laptop), so I didn’t watch the main event on DAZN (I’ll catch up later this week) and didn’t fully watch certain undercard bouts on all three shows (I’ll have to watch a replay of the Brant-Alimkhanuly fight). However, I still had a good time.

Loma’s not as explosive as Tank, but he’s equally punishing to his opponents. Loma is looking back to his usual self, and dammit if Tank isn’t always in tense and exciting fights. I think both guys are must-see TV even though their styles and skillsets are different. Vasiliy Lomachenko’s the savvy ring general, while Gervonta Davis is the seek-and-destroyer. However, they have the same uncanny ability to pull the trigger with the right punch at the right time, and they both want to pressure their opposition until the opposition capitulates. Tank is more prone to bludgeon or whack out his opponents; Loma is more apt to grind his down or make them quit, but they’re both badasses. I’d love to see them tangle at 135 pounds. Kinda wish the ref would have let Barrios go out on his shield, but I know that’s not his job. I thought Thomas Taylor – one of the best young referees from California – did a great job on Saturday, and while he was little hesitant at first, I believe his stoppage was at the perfect time. Barrios was given an opportunity to survive and fight back if able, but he was ultimately spared serious damage. What do you think Tank should do next? Drop down to lightweight and challenge the Lopez-Kambosos winner, Ryan Garcia and/or Devin Haney. How do you see Tank vs. Josh Taylor playing out? I would favor The Ring champ to win a decision, but I think it would be a hell of fight. I don’t think Davis can be in a bad fight. Also, Loma loses to Lopez again (too much power), but I’d love to see it happen anyway. I would favor the young lion to beat the old lion again, but I wouldn’t totally count Loma out in a return bout, especially if the Ukrainian legend enters the ring 100% healthy and Lopez struggles to make 135. Maybe Loma pulls a Marquez (a la Baby Bull Diaz or Pacquiao IV) and just starches Lopez. I don’t see that happening, even if Lopez is severely weight drained. Loma is legit obsessed with Lopez right now. Of course, he is. He’s a real champion, a winner and an ultra-competitor. WEEKEND RECAP What’s up Doug, I hope all’s well. My last time writing in I asked how do you see Casimero vs Inoue going. I forgot that Casimero is now scheduled to face Donaire, who looked like a monster against Oubaali, so how do you see Donaire-Casimero going? Tank seems to have that sickening fast twitch power to the head and body and he’ll take one to give one, so he’ll be in exciting fights but I do feel like he’s defensively getting better at slipping and riding shots. What did you make of his performance and how do you see him fare vs. each of the top lightweights who we all want to see him fight? Loma looked sensational but can he make enough changes to beat Lopez in the rematch if it happens? Same for Lubin, can he do anything different vs Charlo if it were to happen? Janibek Alimkhanuly looks like one to keep an eye on! Cheers. – David, Dublin

Janibek Alimkhanuly. Photo by Mikey Williams/ Top Rank Alimkhanuly was already Ring-ranked (No. 9 at middleweight) when he faced Rob Brant (who is currently at No. 8 but might drop out of the rankings following this stoppage loss). I expect The Ring Ratings Panel to advance the 28-year-old native of Kazakhstan up the 160-pound rankings. I can’t give you an analysis of his performance vs. the more experienced Brant because I haven’t seen it yet (don’t blame me, blame boxing’s power brokers for counter-programming the s__t out of each other), but based on that result and on what I’ve seen of him I think the southpaw is ready for top-tier middleweights after just 10 pro bouts. Alimkhanuly is currently rated No. 2 in the WBO’s middleweight rankings, just behind Jaime Munguia and the WBO titleholder Demetrius Andrade. If Munguia doesn’t want that Boo-Boo Smoke (oh my God, why did I write that? It sound like kindergarten slang for “fart”), I bet Qazaq Style would go for it. (H)ow do you see Donaire-Casimero going? I think it will be a hell of fight in the early going – it has the potential to become a shootout – but I think Donaire will keep his composure and systematically break his fellow Pinoy down to a mid-to-late rounds stoppage. As big, powerful, gutsy and savvy as Casimero is, the Road Warrior is too wild and reckless at times. Donaire will clip him at some point. Tank seems to have that sickening fast twitch power to the head and body and he’ll take one to give one, so he’ll be in exciting fights but I do feel like he’s defensively getting better at slipping and riding shots. He’s got the quick feet and reflexes to avoid punches when he sees them coming from a distance. I don’t know about his defensive prowess on the inside. It probably can be better than it is now if he works on it. I think he’s the total package as it. The main areas I’d like to see him improve in is his activity, his ring-cutting ability, and his combination punching. What did you make of his performance and how do you see him fare vs. each of the top lightweights who we all want to see him fight? I thought it was a very good performance; although he was outworked and outboxed in the early going, his speed, power and take-no-prisoners mentality ultimately proved too much for Barrios, who showed a lot of skill and grit lasting into the 11th round. Loma looked sensational but can he make enough changes to beat Lopez in the rematch if it happens? Does he need to change that much? Maybe all he needs to do is show up healthy and start faster. There’s only one way we’ll find out. Same for Lubin, can he do anything different vs Charlo if it were to happen? Yeah, tuck his chin and keep his gloves up. LOL. Seriously, he’s matured and developed a lot – technically and stylistically – since that first-round KO loss, and I think underrated trainer Kevin Cunningham deserves some kudos from the boxing community for The Hammer’s advancement. THE MATRIX Hey Dougie, Hope you’re good. Keep it up with the mailbag, some of us ain’t got much else in life! I’ve completely readdressed where I see Canelo in world boxing after what he’s done in recent times but my two faves still grab me. Inoue was monstrous the other week, then Loma came again this week. He didn’t start slow like he did against Lopez (not saying that’s why he lost!) but also he didn’t start slow like he did against everyone else! That whole “Matrix” thing might work but when boxers know they can just throw leather in different looks and pick up rounds…. And I’m not saying that’s why he lost to Lopez. But, afterwards, I watched him fight at his natural weight against the Ring Magazine #1 ranked boxer at featherweight, Gary Russell Jnr. Loma really shouldn’t be fighting at lightweight. Full stop. Where is he in your pantheon of greats at featherweight? – Thomas

Loma beat Russell and won his first world title in his third pro bout. Photo / Naoki Fukuda Lomachenko? He’s not in my featherweight pantheon. He had six pro fights at featherweight and only fought two standouts – an overweight Orlando Salido, who narrowly outpointed him, and a 24-0 Russell, who he outclassed. I thought Loma was absolutely sensational in both fights, he exhibited uncommon resolve vs. Siri and he was masterful in dissecting the ultra-talented American, but those 24 rounds aren’t NEARLY enough to earn a place among the likes of Willie Pep, Sandy Saddler, Salvador Sanchez, Henry Armstrong, Eusebio Pedroza and Naseem Hamed. No disrespect to Loma. He’s an amazing talent, but he didn’t reign long enough in any one division to be considered among the best of a particular weight class. He’s like Jeff Fenech, another super-talent who beat top fighters in multiple weight classes in just a few years (and within 20 bouts), he’s recognized for his body of work over three divisions. Keep it up with the mailbag, some of us ain’t got much else in life! LOL. I’ll keep that in mind, Thomas. I’m on family vacation this week, but I’ll try to find a substitute for the Friday Mailbag and next week’s Monday Mailbag. I’ve completely readdressed where I see Canelo in world boxing after what he’s done in recent times but my two faves still grab me. Inoue was monstrous the other week, then Loma came again this week. I thought Loma looked sharp and confident against Nakatani, who’s tall order (pun intended) for most lightweights. He didn’t start slow like he did against Lopez (not saying that’s why he lost!) but also he didn’t start slow like he did against everyone else! It wasn’t just a slow start vs. Lopez; the young gun “handcuffed” Loma with his tactics and the threat of a knockout counterpunch. (A)fterwards, I watched him fight at his natural weight against the Ring Magazine #1 ranked boxer at featherweight, Gary Russell Jnr. I think that STILL might be his most impressive pro performance. Loma really shouldn’t be fighting at lightweight. He may not be a natural 135 pounder, but he’s Ring Magazine’s No. 1-rated lightweight, and he deserves to be. I can’t see him dropping back down all the way to 126 at this stage of his career but dipping down to junior lightweight might not be a bad idea if the right fight is available. Loma vs. Shakur Stevenson would be fascinating. CRAWFORD AND THE P4P Hi Dougie, I’m just curious about your thoughts on Crawford potentially taking on Jose Zepeda next and more specifically, should Crawford’s lack of quality competition start to affect his P4P standing? Guys like Inoue, Canelo and Spence constantly take on the best in their divisions while Bud takes on mediocre comp on the regular. This isn’t a knock on Bud, who IS good but I think he should have to start facing the p4p consequences sooner rather than later. I know Arum hasn’t exactly helped Bud’s career path lately but Bud chose to re up with him as well. MMs: Bud vs Mosley @140 Kosta vs Bradley Thanks. – Lance I’ll go with Crawford by MD or SD in a great fight, and Tszyu by UD in a good fight.

Terence Crawford. Regarding Crawford’s place in the pound-for-pound rankings, I think he’s already dropped due to his relatively weak strength of schedule in comparison to Canelo’s and Inoue’s recent runs. Crawford was as high as No. 2 in The Ring’s rankings (behind Gennadiy Golovkin and later Lomachenko) through mid-2019. Canelo and Inoue were always outside of the top two, but they’ve had the better fight schedules from the second half of 2019 to the present and have advanced past the American, deservedly so in my opinion. Beating Zepeda at welterweight isn’t going to change my opinion. Crawford needs to face a P4P peer, such as Errol Spence or Josh Taylor, and beat him in order to advance past Inoue and Canelo. If he keeps fighting the Zepedas of the world, he’ll be in danger of slipping out of his current No. 3 spot. Email Fischer at . Follow him on Twitter and IG at @dougiefischer, and join him, Tom Loeffler, Coach Schwartz and friends via Tom’s or Doug’s IG Live every Sunday. GET THE LATEST ISSUE AT THE RING SHOP (CLICK HERE) or Subscribe

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welllpthisishappening · 7 years ago

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Tripping Over the Blue Line (10/45)

It’s a transition. That’s what Emma’s calling it. She’s transitioning from one team to another, from one coast to another and she’s definitely not worried. Nope. She’s fine. Really. She’s promised Mary Margaret ten times already. So she got fired. Whatever. She’s fine, ready to settle into life with the New York Rangers. She’s got a job to do. And she doesn’t care about Killian Jones, captain of the New York Rangers. At all.

He’s done. One more season and he’s a free agent and he’s out. It’s win or nothing for Killian. He’s going to win a Stanley Cup and then he’s going to stop being the face of the franchise and he’s going to go play for some other garbage team where his name won’t be used as puns in New York Post headlines. That’s the plan. And Emma Swan, director of New York Rangers community relations isn’t going to change that. At all.

They are both horrible liars.

Rating: Mature Content Warnings: Swearing, eventual hockey-type violence AN: I love Elsa and Anna and that is a trend that will continue going forward. Do not try and ignore Elsa when she’s calling you, basically. I am just in constant awe of how much you guys love this story and it’s the nicest and you’re all the nicest. As always, I am nothing without @laurnorder, @distant-rose & @beautiful-swan. Tell them they’re fantastic internet. I’ve also started tag’ing any messages I get “blue line rambles” so that’s also happening. Hanging out on Ao3, FF.net & tag’ed up from the start on Tumblr.

His hand was killing him.

No scratch that – his entire body was killing him, every single muscle and nerve ending and something in the general vicinity of his collarbone. It all felt like it was twisted and turned and pinched in a way Killian was almost certain was impossible.

Fuck.

Hans fucking Soyer.

He should have seen it coming – should have known as soon as the puck hit the ice and he went out for his first shift. Soyer wasn’t concerned with preseason monikers. He didn’t even seem particularly concerned with the fact that the Penguins had actually wonthe Cup last season, had beat the Rangers in the playoffs and left Killian on the outside looking in when it came to postseason glory.

Soyer didn’t care.

He’d never cared.

He hit like it was Game Seven and, this time, he only seemed to be concerned with Killian – and taking out his knees.

Killian should have been ready for it. He was an idiot. Soyer had always been like that – hit first, ask questions later. Even at school. He’d set some sort of penalty-minute record at Minnesota during his sophomore season and walked around campus like that was something to actually be proud of.

He’d won the title with them – a fourth-line winger who’d come into Minnesota with Liam and barely saw any ice-time in the Tournament – and he declared after as well.

Only no one drafted Hans Soyer.

There was no press conference, no cheering family in the background or jerseys that inexplicably had his name on it as soon as he crossed the stage. That happened for Killian and Liam. It didn’t happen for Hans.

He, eventually, got picked up – by the Flames on a bottom-of-the-barrel free agent contract that barely paid for an apartment in Calgary – and spent the last eight years bouncing around the league, racking up hits and penalty minutes and two-game suspensions handed down by the commissioner’s office.

This was his second stint in Pittsburgh.

“Killian, I swear to God, if you don’t stop moving so much on this table, I’m actually going to call El, get her to fly to Pittsburgh and punch you in the face.”

He turned his head, shifting on the table again and Victor groaned loudly, rolling his eyes as he leaned back against the wall. “She’s called me five times already,” Victor added and, this time, Killian groaned. “The last one included the twins, so, you know, take that into account when you keep moving and threatening to hurt yourself even more.” He wasn’t sure that was possible.

Everything hurt. All at once.

He didn’t entirely remember the fight, just remembered throwing the punch and a right hook colliding with Soyer’s helmet and the refs had tried to pull them apart. It was a goddamn preseason game. No one was supposed to fight in a preseason game.

But Soyer wouldn’t shut up.

He kept talking and hitting and, aside from everything else, Killian was convinced there was a bruise the size of the entire state of Minnesota on the back of his leg from all the times Soyer had checked him in the calf.

And, for the most part, he’d ignored it.

It was a preseason game.

He ignored it for two periods. They were winning. It didn’t matter. And then Soyer hit him again, knocked him against the boards and Killian could feel the stick in his back, even through his pads, and he heard the muttering, even over the crowd noise and the whistles.

“It was your fault,” Soyer mumbled, pushing his stick up under the pads on Killian’s back and he was practically hanging over his shoulder.

That was enough. He saw red and heard the rushing in his ears and his gloves were on the ice before he’d really even considered any other, vaguely mature, preseason -appropriate option. He hit him. Hard.

And Soyer hit back. Harder.

The whistles kept blowing and Killian could hear Robin and Will behind him, trying to pull him away before he did something stupid like get a major in a preseason game. Robin eventually got a hold of his shoulder, almost dragging him towards the box, but Soyer wouldn’t shut up, was still shouting about Liam and the Cup and Killian might have actually lost his mind. He turned back around.

“It might have been my fault,” he yelled, “but the league wanted Liam. This team’s just taken pity on you, let you play goon for the fans.” It was a mistake. A bad mistake. One he normally wouldn’t have made in any other circumstance and this was on TV. Roland saw. Fuck, Emma saw. He hadn’t been thinking. He just wanted to hit Soyer again.

Hard.

He just hadn’t been entirely prepared for Soyer to charge at him, hands in his jersey and tugging on his pads and Killian felt his back collide with the boards before he’d even completely come to terms with the idea of fighting again.

In a preseason game.

He’d gotten hurt in a preseason game.

“When did El call?” he asked, glancing at Victor who was still leaning against the doorway of the away team’s training room, arms crossed and legs crossed and a disappointed look on his face. “And where’s my phone exactly?” “Which time? The first one was probably as soon as you got hit, on national TV, by the way. A whole audience of hockey fans saw you act like a complete idiot on national TV. Times two through four were while you were in the MRI. And time five was just now before I came in here to tell you about time five.” Killian winced. He shouldn’t have said anything. He shouldn’t have let Soyer get under his skin, but he had and five phone calls later, he’d absolutely freaked out El.

She’d never say it out loud, but he knew, every time he stepped on the ice, she worried. And he’d never actually been hurt on the ice before.

“Did…” Killian started, but Victor just nodded before he could even get the question out.

“Anna called three times. It was like they were alternating shifts on the phone or something.”

“And Gina called me twice,” Robin added, stepping into the tiny room and knocking his knuckles against Killian’s shoulders.

“Jeez, Locksley,” Victor sighed. “Don’t hurt him anymore than he already is.” “The MRI came back already?” Killian asked, shifting on the table again so Robin could move next to him. He tossed his phone into Killian’s lap and the stupid thing buzzed as soon as it hit his shorts. Voicemail. “Oh, and hey, did we win?” “Preseason,” Robin muttered. “And Rol’s totally convinced you’re dead, so call him back at some point.” Killian rolled his eyes, ignoring that particular piece of guilt-inducing information, and stared at Victor. “MRI?” Victor shook his head. “Your collarbone’s a disaster. Bruised to complete shit. But no concussion, at least as far as I can tell. We’ll get the MRI tomorrow and more tests tomorrow, so actually show up at some sort of professional time or I really will call El.” “No concussion?” Robin repeated, voice as serious as Killian had ever heard it. He glanced at him, eyebrows drawn low and he hadn’t really expected this level of overprotection. “Like, nothing?” “Tomorrow,” Victor said again. “We’ll know for certain tomorrow, but I mean, I’ve got a degree and I don’t think it’s a concussion. Just your regular run of the mill upper-body injury. I bet Ruby’s already got the release sent out.” “She’s probably just got a template at this point,” Killian muttered, running his hands through his hair. He needed to take a shower. They’d pulled him off the ice and gotten him in the machine and made sure his pupils still dilated properly, but they’d never actually given him five minutes to shower. “How long?” “Be more specific,” Victor said.

“Run of the mill upper-body. How long will that keep me off?” Victor shrugged. “The results come back tomorrow.” “You sound like a broken record.” “That’s because the answer’s not going to change.” “Guess then.” “Killian.” “Guess.” Victor made a face, finally, walking in the room and there really shouldn’t have been three people in there at the same time. “Probably the rest of the preseason,” he said under his breath, as if he couldn’t quite bring himself to say it out loud. “Maybe longer.” “Longer?” Killian asked, shouting the word and jumping off the table. That was a mistake. He clenched his teeth, hissing in the seemingly tiny bit of oxygen in the room and run of the mill upper-body also apparently hurt his entire body.

“Sit down,” Victor said, taking a step towards him. Killian glared at him, but actually sat down, huffing slightly for good measure. He almost sat on his phone. It was buzzing again, a string of text messages threatening to send it careening onto the floor. “God, idiot.” “How long?” Killian repeated, grabbing the phone and silencing it before he threw it on the ground. “Will I miss the opener?” “Cap, I don’t know,” Victor sighed and even Robin was shooting him disappointed glares now. “If I knew I would tell you. Honestly. But Soyer hit you and he hit you hard and A’s going to have a conniption over scheduling PT training. She called me three times while you were getting MRI’ed.” “Does no one have anything better to do on this team than make phone calls during games?”

“Preseason games,” Robin mumbled and Killian sighed, falling back onto the table with all the grace of someone who’d just been pushed forcibly into the boards of a hockey arena. “Also, you might want to answer that.” “What?”

“Your phone. El’s calling again.”

“If you don’t answer, she’s going to start calling everyone else,” Victor pointed out when, apparently, Killian didn’t move quickly enough. He grumbled under his breath – certain Victor was more right than he actually realized and almost surprised it hadn’t started happening yet – groaning slightly when he moved and grabbed his phone.

He didn’t even get a word out before the lecture began.

“Are you serious KJ?” Elsa hissed, each word sounding a bit more frustrated than the last one. He didn’t let himself consider the nickname, the way she’d used that more than ever in the last two weeks or how her voice caught just a bit on the two letters. She shuffled slightly on the other end, like she was trying to shift the phone on her shoulder and her voice got a bit softer when she started talking to someone that wasn’t actually Killian.

“No, sweethearrt, he’s fine,” she muttered. “Yeah, yeah, he knows you’re asking. Ok, he knows you’re both asking. Give me a few minutes, ok? I promise.” Elsa moved again and there were footsteps in the background and Liam’s voice as he tried to corral the twins before they could hear their mother screaming at their uncle.

“I’m fine, El,” Killian muttered, all too aware of Victor and Robin still staring at him expectantly. “Honestly.” She sighed into the phone, not even trying to mask the sound. She did, however, try to mask the sniffle – it didn’t work. “El,” he sighed, running his fingers through his hair and wrapping them around his neck tightly. That was also a mistake. His neck, it appeared, was just as bruised as the rest of his body. “You can ask Victor. Generic upper-body. Not even a concussion.” “How long?” “What?” “How long will you be out?” Killian rolled his eyes and he should have expected the question. Elsa had watched as much hockey as Killian had ever played and she knew as well as he did which questions to ask.

“A few weeks. They’ll know more tomorrow.” “MRI?” “Already done.” She hummed in agreement and they’d jumped from concerned to clinic so quickly it felt a bit like whiplash. “There’s not anything to worry about, El,” Killian muttered, but she was scoffing before the words were completely out of his mouth and he ran his hand over his face.

“What’d he say?”

“Who?” “KJ!” “Nothing, El,” he lied quickly and it was painfully obvious how quickly she saw through it. Elsa scoffed again, the sound vibrating through the phone and he could hear the mattress creak when she sank onto the bed in her and Liam’s room. “It was just normal on-ice stuff. He’s always been a dick, you know that.” “Yup.” “El.” “It’s totally fine. It’s not like you’re going to miss the whole preseason now or he’s in the Metro with you this season and you’ve got to deal with FA stuff. It’s fine. Totally fine.” She paused, taking a deep breath and Killian knew she’d squeezed her eyes shut. “You know Gina called me the other day.” “Of course she did.” “Are you crazy?” “About which part? Hitting Soyer and getting my ass kicked or wanting….” He cut himself off, eyes darting to Robin was who was staring at him with narrowed eyes and slightly tilted mouth, his own phone held loosely in his hand.

“You’re not by yourself are you?” Elsa asked knowingly. Killian hummed in the back of his throat and he heard her shift again, the mattress making noise in the background and someone was knocking on the door – likely two someones. “Ok,” she continued slowly, “both parts, by the way, they’re both incredibly stupid.” “A rather pointed opinion.” “And the right one. C’mon, KJ, you can’t be serious. I watched it. You turned around and yelled something at him! Why’d you do that?” “He couldn’t keep his mouth shut,” Killian mumbled and Victor muttered something under his breath that was also a rather pointed opinion . “I’m fine, El. A couple of bruises, no concussion, a few weeks off and I’m back for the opener.”

“Yuh huh.” The pounding on the door in Colorado was getting more insistent and he could even hear Liam’s voice now, shouting something about how he’d tried to keep them occupied and Killian laughed before he could stop himself, more than earning the glare that was likely on Elsa’s face at the moment. “You know Charlie cried,” Elsa continued, an accusatory edge in her voice that had gotten sharper the longer this conversation continued. “Like actual tears on his actual face.” “Yeah, well, Rol apparently thinks I’m dead,” Killian sighed, pushing off the table and ignoring the combined gasps of Victor and Robin when he started walking towards the hallway. He also ignored the pain that shot through his spine and seemed to land in the pit of his stomach, settling there like a weight and making it difficult to actually move. He was finished having an audience for this conversation.

“You hit the boards hard,” Elsa said, voice catching a bit and there was more sniffling again. “It took awhile for you to actually get up.” He’d been in the Paints more times than he could count at this point, could walk the hallways without even thinking about where he was going, but the one moment he needed to find a few inches of space that weren’t surrounded by people and team staff and questions about how he was feeling, Killian had come up decidedly short.

“I’m fine El,” he repeated again, sounding like the broken record he’d just accused Victor of being.

“So you’ve mentioned.” “It’s true. It’s just a rather painful reminder that I’m woefully out of fighting practice.” Elsa groaned and her laugh was shaky at best, but it was still a laugh and that had what he’d been going for in the first place. “Did you call Rol back and let him know you’re not dead?” “Not yet.” “You should do that.” “Aye aye, mom.” The laugh was genuine now and he could feel the smile inching across his face as he ducked into the doorway that was, somehow, devoid of people, leaning against the wall and gripping his phone just a bit tighter than normal.

“You’re really ok?” Elsa whispered. “Like for real, for real?” Killian nodded, fully aware that Elsa was on the other side of the country and not a few feet in front of him and he really was an ass. It had been a joke – a long-standing thing with him and Anna, calling Elsa mom whenever she dived into the deep end of overprotective. She’d practically perfected the dive when they were growing up.

She was the oldest and the most mature and Anna and Killian were the same age and not particularly good at listening to authority or coming up with plans that didn’t, somehow, involve public transportation or breaking the rules.

He’d always been very good at breaking the rules.

And if they had been the Four Horsemen growing up, then Elsa was, undeniably, the leader – even if Liam had thought he was for most of their teenage lives. She still was.

She fixed everything. She always had the answers and the plan and that thing she did with the side of her mouth as if to say don’t worry, I’ve got this and every problem any of them had seemed to disappear after that. She made sure Anna had somewhere to go on holidays when she wasn’t traipsing the country – or the entire goddamn world – and she was Liam’s rock after everything and she always knew exactly what to say when Killian was drowning in self-pity and guilt.

And he’d made her cry.

Ass.

“Like for real, for real,” Killian promised and Elsa made a noise in the back of her throat. “Gina shouldn’t have told you about the contract thing. It’s not certain yet.” Elsa took a deep breath and the knocking had finally stopped – Liam’s footsteps sounding down the hall and he might have actually grabbed both twins and dragged them away from the door at this point. “It’s stupid,” she said.

“I thought that was your opinion on fighting Soyer.” “Both things. When did you even come up with this?” Killian shrugged, making an evasive noise and he didn’t want to have this conversation, crowded into a dark corner in the hallway of the arena in Pittsburgh. He still hadn’t showered. “KJ,” Elsa continued. “When? It’s got to have been brewing for awhile right, because you wouldn’t just spring this on Gina without actually thinking about it.”

He took a moment to marvel at just how well Elsa actually knew him before muttering an answer into the phone. “Oh,” she muttered and he could practically see the lightbulb going off over her head. He moved farther into the corner when he heard footsteps nearby gear being dragged down the hallway and they were probably going to leave soon. “When you left, right? That’s when you decided. I thought...I thought something was off.” She could probably read his mind at this point, Killian thought and he was a combination of amazed and frustrated all at the same time. Gina shouldn’t have said anything.

He’d left Colorado a few weeks before the season started – a few weeks before the surprise party that wasn’t a surprise party and Emma and, fuck, Emma. He hadn’t even looked at his other messages.

She’d gone to Eric’s, had been watching the game, had seen him collide with the boards and yell at Soyer and it seemed a bit too much to hope that she might have been one of the several dozen texts on his phone, but he hadn’t even checked and his stomach was way ahead of his slightly more rational mind, leaping towards hope like it was going for gold in the Olympic long jump.

Killian wanted to go to Colorado.

He hadn’t even wanted to leave when he did. He’d come up with the plan then, bag on his shoulder and car waiting in the driveway and a pair of kids strapped to his side like they were glued there.

Of course Elsa had known.

He’d come back anyway – he had a contract and a Cup to win and he’d run face-first into a sea of feelings and wants and making out with Emma Swan like he was sixteen years old and sneaking around so the Vankalds didn’t find out.

Elsa probably knew that too.

“You can’t do that, KJ,” Elsa continued, unaware of whatever mental battle he was staging in the corner of the hallway. “Liam would kill you.” “It’s not really Liam’s call,” Killian mumbled, bitterness sinking into his voice without his permission.

“But leaving New York? What if you don’t actually win a Cup? You’re just going to give up on everything there? That’s insane. I mean you’ve got the team and your friends and mom and dad.”

“They’re your mom and dad, El. Not mine.” It was angry and childish and not entirely true in the grand scheme of things because Mr. and Mrs Vankald were as much Killian and Liam’s parents as anyone could have ever been, but his whole body hurt and Gina shouldn’t have said anything to Elsa and he couldn’t seem to control his temper in a fucking preseason game.

Elsa clicked her tongue and Killian rolled his eyes, knocking his head back against the wall and running his thumb against his chin. “You should just hang up on me when I say shit like that,” he muttered, working a quiet laugh out of Elsa.

“If I ask you a question right now are you totally going to bite my head off?” “You’re going to ask no matter what, El, so I don’t know why you’re precursing it.”

“What about Emma?” He bit his tongue, tasting blood almost immediately and that was probably for the best since it stopped him from actually biting off Elsa’s head through the phone.

Three weeks. It had been three weeks.

That was hardly enough time to change his entire life plan – or at least part of his life plan if Gina actually agreed to do her job and play agent and get him what he wanted. Three weeks wasn’t anything.

It was a blink, half a moment, hardly even enough time to take a deep breath.

It also didn’t seem to matter.

Three weeks and she’d inched into his life and his consciousness and, God, he hoped she’d texted him. He wasn’t just an ass, he was a selfish ass who actually wanted Emma to be worried about him, wanted tangible evidence that she hadn’t just been watching, but that she might actually care.

He cared. A lot.

And he was smiling again – wider than he had all night, crouched in the corner of this doorway like an idiot, thinking about Emma Swan.

Three weeks.

“What about her?” Killian asked, doing his best to keep his voice even and he knew he’d come up on the wrong end of that as soon as Elsa stared to laugh.

“You kiss her yet? Locksley thinks you have.” “Jeez, El.” “Anna doesn’t think you have. She thinks you’re chickening out.” “I haven’t even told Anna.” “Grapevine or whatever.” Killian lowered his eyebrows, but he wasn’t quite as frustrated as he expected himself to be. “That grapevine didn’t happen to just be you, did it?”

“Would I do that?” “I think you already did.” “She was asking,” Elsa cried. “You kept dodging her questions and you wouldn’t answer her texts and she’s in the middle of nowhere shooting now. She deserves a bit of entertainment.” “Ah, so I’m entertainment for Anna now, huh?” Elsa sighed. “Of course not. We both just want you to be happy, KJ. And you haven’t...anyway, I just think you should be willing to let yourself want something. I know you and you told me her name. You didn’t even tell Liam that.” She was right. Of course. It was a day ending in ‘y,’ so of course Elsa was right.

Except they hadn’t actually talked about it and Emma had told Henry something and there was still something off , something he couldn’t quite put his finger on or define and he couldn’t bring himself to push.

Three weeks, after all, wasn’t a very long time.

“We’ll see, El,” Killian said evasively. “It’s just...it is what it is now.” “She go to Eric’s?” “She works for the team.” “Didn’t answer my question.” “As far as I know.” “And you know this…” “El.” She made a noise in the back of her throat, a mix of confusion and interest and a, frankly, pitiful attempt at innocence and Killian couldn’t even bring himself to sigh at the sound. “We’re talking,” he said quickly. “That’s all.” “That’s all?” Elsa repeated and she definitely sounded like Anna now. He wouldn’t have been surprised if Anna had actually been listening on a third line this entire time. She would have shouted something by now. “Nothing a bit more concrete?” Killian groaned, earning a glance from one of the staffers hauling a bag full of jerseys towards the bus and he was never going to get to shower now. “Three weeks, El,” he said again. “That’s hardly any time.” “Ok, ok, ok, just promise me one thing, please?” “What?”

“Next time you play the Pens, punch Soyer right in the jaw. For me. Ok?” He barked out a laugh, leaning forward at the waist and wincing slightly from the pain of his run-of-the-mill upper body diagnosis. She absolutely knew – she knew what Soyer had said and why he’d yelled back and, now, why he’d miss the entire goddamn preseason.

“You’re a witch, you know that,” Killian mumbled. He could hear Elsa smile.

“Nah, I just know you. I’ll tell the twins you’re fine, but expect Liam to call as soon as you land in New York and yell at you for being an idiot. And critique your fighting technique.” “Yeah, well, I haven’t had to defend his honor in awhile.”

Elsa mumbled something – that probably wasn’t proper for the twins likely pressed on the other side of the door – but he knew she was still smiling. “Make sure you kiss Emma again when you see her too. She was probably worried.” Killian’s mouth dropped open, breath rushing out of him in one vaguely enormous huff and that actually hurt too and Elsa was laughing when she muttered a quick bye KJ and the line was dead before he could even begin to come up with something else to say.

He did, eventually, get to shower, pushed back into the locker room by Will almost as soon as as Elsa had hung up the phone. There were even more messages by the time he’d gotten back out, phone battery dangerously low because the entire world, it seemed, wanted to make sure he wasn’t concussed.

“I told Rol you weren’t dead,” Robin said, lifting his eyebrows when he stared at Killian in the visitor’s locker room. “He’s very relieved.” "I’ll call him,” Killian promised.

“Ah, it’s late now. He’s fine. And you’re not actually dead, so crisis averted on that front. He’ll see you tomorrow and he’ll forget this whole thing ever happened. Although he might have something to say about your technique.” “He’ll apparently have to get in line. El said Liam was disappointed too.” “See,” Will said pointedly, sinking onto the edge of the bench without lifting his eyes away from his phone screen. “That’s why you’ve got to leave the fighting to the professionals, Cap. You know if you hadn’t gotten hurt I bet they would have given you a major.” “In a preseason game,” Robin added.

Killian shrugged, tugging his sweatshirt over his head and ignoring the buzz of his phone on the top shelf of his locker. “Why’d you do it?” Robin continued, glancing up at the noise. “I mean, I know Soyer’s an ass and he kept checking you all night, but that’s not usually your thing. Scarlet’s right. Leave the fighting to the pros.” He didn’t answer at first, grabbing his phone and widening his eyes at the string of texts from Anna, ranging from angry to furious to disappointed that he was absolutely ignoring her now and Will’s breath hitched audibly in his throat.

“He said something about Liam didn’t he?” he asked knowingly and it wasn’t like Will to be quite that perceptive.

Killian still didn’t answer – and that was enough of an answer and both Will and Robin were standing and pacing and clenching their fists like they were going to go find Soyer that moment and punch him in the face, again.

“God what a fucking asshole,” Will muttered and Killian cocked his head to one side, an agreement without actually having to repeat the words. His phone rang and Anna was getting even more impatient now and Will widened his eyes meaningfully. “Where is she even calling from?” “I don’t know, probably the tundra or something. She found service though.” “Better answer before she actually figures out a way to teleport through the phone.” Killian sighed, but somewhere in the middle of being frustrated about missing the rest of the preseason and Soyer’s words and how bad he must have looked fighting on national TV, his pulse had started to thud just a bit unevenly, realization seeping into his veins – people were worried about him.

She didn’t yell as soon as he answered, far more control than Killian realized Anna possessed, and he even got an apology in before she launched into her tirade, cursing him to a variety of different gods and a handful of various underworlds.

And he told her he was fine, promised not to do it again and even managed to find out where she was shooting that week, four hours outside of Ketchikan in Alaska, and Anna stopped yelling at him once he asked about her schedule.

They’d made it back to the bus – a half an hour drive to the airport and the private plane and Killian had never wanted to be back in New York more in his entire life – by the time Anna had finished detailing all the plans and the elevations of the several mountains she was planning to climb to get the perfect shot and he rested his head against the window next to him, doing his best not to worry. It probably worked as well as it had for Elsa. And Liam. And probably Mr. and Mrs. Vankald.

Because if they were worried about him careening into the boards that night, then they were even more worried about Anna climbing mountains and taking pictures and it might have been her dream, but it also scared him to death.

“You’ll be careful, right, Banana?” Killian asked, voice hushed so he didn’t wake up the already dozing Robin in the seat next to him.

Anna groaned on the other end – and she probably rolled her eyes too. “I hate that nickname,” she mumbled, but there was affection in her tone too.

He’d started calling her that the day they moved into the brownstone, butting heads with Anna almost immediately. She was loud and boisterous and she never seemed to stop moving and, well, they were the same age.

Even if Anna claimed she was the older sister.

So he’d come up with the nickname, because even eight-year-old Killian Jones was kind of an ass and he enjoyed seeing the look on Anna’s face whenever he regarded her as a fruit. He wasn’t quite sure when it stopped being an insult and something important, wasn’t certain when she stopped scrunching her nose up at the nickname and, now, he called her that whenever he saw her, arms flung around his neck as she practically leapt on him.

“I’m serious Anna,” Killian continued, shifting in his seat slightly. “I mean, mountains? There’s got to be ice and snow and it’s freezing probably, right?” “KJ, you literally got thrown into the boards tonight and you didn’t get up for hours. Hours! And now you’re telling me I can’t climb a couple of mountains. Think of the pictures.” “Ok, several things, it did not take hours for me to get up. And I’m not telling you that you can’t climb the mountains, just to be careful. The pictures are, obviously, going to be awesome. That’s not even a consideration.” Anna didn’t say anything for a few moments and it might have been the longest she’d been quiet in the history of the entire world. “That was nice, KJ,” she mumbled. “You’re really ok, though? El said the entire preseason.” “I can be nice sometimes,” he shot back, earning a laugh out of Anna. He pushed his head against the window again, condensation sticking to his hair and his forehead and Robin was halfway to snoring now. “And yeah, at least that, maybe longer.” “The opener?” “I don’t know.”

Anna sighed softly. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be, Banana, it was my fault.” “You know what else El said?”

“I can only imagine.” “That you’re spending some of your time in New York occupied with things that don’t have to do with your FA status and you gave her a name.” “You two gossip way too much,” Killian mumbled. “And only about half of that was true.” “Did she call you yet?” “Who?” “The girl you won’t actually name.” Killian pressed his lips together. He still hadn’t gotten the chance to read his text messages – the number seemingly growing by the moment and he’d been far too much of a coward to actually check and see if Emma was one of them.

Anna clicked her tongue disapprovingly in the background. “Oh you totally didn’t check,” she accused. “I bet she did. All worried and nervous. Did she go to Eric’s?” “You and El should coordinate these conversations better, I’m just repeating myself.” “It’s not my fault you answered her before you answered me. That’s just you being a jerk.” “That’s true,” he mumbled and Anna made a noise that sounded a bit like a mix between a sigh and a groan.

“Maybe you should call her.” “Who?” “KJ!”

He smiled against the window, shifting his hand so his phone was pressed up closer to his ear and he nearly jumped out of his seat when it vibrated again. He’d talked to everyone major already – even sent Mrs. Vankald a text so she wouldn’t worry too – there wasn’t anyone left...unless. Killian pulled the phone away from his ear so quickly he was certain he’d dislocated his shoulder as well and he tugged his lip behind his teeth when he saw the name on the screen.

Swan.

“Anna, listen, I’ve got to go,” he said.

“You make it to the airport?”

“Yup.” He could practically see her lowering her eyebrows as if she was sitting next to him instead of a now-definitely snoring Robin. “Oh,” Anna laughed. “She’s calling you isn’t she?” “I gotta go, Banana.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah, shoved aside for the girlfriend. Whatever. See if I call to make sure you’re ok after you get into a fight next time. I don’t care.” “Be careful tomorrow, ok?” “Always, KJ.” He pulled his phone away again to switch calls and, immediately, seemed to forget every single word he’d ever learned. “Killian?” Emma asked, nerves obvious in the tone of her voice and that seemed to snap him back to attention immediately.

“Hey,” he said softly. “I’m glad you called.” “Really?”

The genuine surprise in her voice caught him off guard – he was fairly certain they’d cleared, at least, that particular hurdle. She had to know he cared, right? Of course. The tiny, persistent voice in the back of his head, however, reminded him rather quickly that they hadn’t actually had much of a real conversation, usually too preoccupied with the kissing and then more kissing and Killian felt his breath hitch in his throat at the memory of her hand on his hip.

He should ask her out.

And then ask about her.

He wanted to know everything about her.

“Of course, love,” Killian said. She didn’t argue the endearment this time, breath rushing out of her quickly and loudly on the other end of the phone, like she’d been holding it for hours. “I, uh, I take it you saw the game.” “Did you talk to Roland? He’s convinced you’re dead.” “So I’ve been told,” he laughed. “Robin took care of that. I was too busy getting MRI’s and placating El.” Emma sighed again, hissing in her breath at the idea of an MRI and the bus ride to the airport probably wasn’t the best place to have this conversation – the first time they’d actually talked on the phone since the GD event.

“I know it’s fine,” she muttered, sounding as if she was half talking to herself. “Ruby went into full attack mode as soon as you didn’t get up immediately and I know...I know, like for a fact, you’re not concussed. She called Victor and got the upper-body diagnosis and I think she’s actually just got release templates saved on her phone because she did it all from the table in the restaurant at the same time we were all trying to promise Rol that you were ok and...I know. I don’t...I don’t know why I called.” She tapped her teeth together and Killian was certain it was the loudest noise he’d ever heard, or that might have been the rushing in his ears at the idea that Emma believed she shouldn’t have called.

What a disaster.

“I’m glad you called, Swan,” Killian said again. “Really. I probably would have called you...I just…”

He didn’t have an answer – or at least an answer that didn’t paint him as the coward he was, nervous to call a girl like he was a teenager and asking Emma to prom.

That was the problem. It all felt a bit teenage and he liked her – a lot – more than just someone he wanted to kiss every time he saw her. That too, but Killian wanted a lot more than he could remember ever wanting out of a three-week relationship that wasn’t really a relationship since they kept dancing around the subject of actually talking about it.

“Yeah,” Emma mumbled. “You didn’t happen to check your text messages, did you?”

Killian’s stomach fell on the floor of the bus, he was certain. He gulped quickly, not able to run his hand through his hair since that hurt too, but he muttered hold on a sec into the phone and swiped his finger across the screen, scrolling through his inbox to find two text messages from hours ago.

He clicked on Emma’s name and it was probably for the best that he was in the back corner of the bus, sitting in the dark because Killian was fairly positive he’d jumped out of his seat or been struck by lightning or something equally absurd.

She was wearing his jersey.

Holy shit.

It had happened before – he was the goddamn leader in jersey sales every year and half of those were women and he knew there was a dedicated section of the fandom that really didn’t care about the goals or the points or even the Cup, was just worried about he looked in his jersey – but none of those people had ever been Emma Swan and none of them had sent a picture wearing his jersey and Killian couldn’t think straight.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, not quite able to take his eyes off the screen. She was smiling, hair pulled up and eyes bright and the ‘C’ on her shoulder was almost painfully obvious. He tried to take a deep breath and it didn’t really work, lungs apparently incapable of doing their job anymore, and Emma was still on the phone.

“Jesus Christ, Swan,” he muttered. “That was…”

“Ok?” “Better.” She let out a soft laugh that seemed to settle in the pit of Killian’s stomach or in the space between his ribs and now he really wanted to get back to New York. “I just...they told me the rules and we’ve been…” Emma cut herself off, probably tugging on the ends of her hair for good measure and Killian was smiling like an idiot at this point.

“We have,” he said, not sure if he was confirming something or just doing his best to make sure her voice stopped shaking.

He was glad she called.

“And I wasn’t really sure what protocol was on being concerned, but, well, I was. So, there.” “So, there?” “Yeah,” Emma said. “That asshole kept checking you all night and he’s always been like that, the league should have thrown him out years ago.” “Wait, wait, Swan, do you know Soyer?” Emma clicked her tongue and Killian had sat up a little bit straighter. “Uh, yeah,” she said slowly. “I mean, not personally, but...it’s a long story.” Killian ran his hand through his hair, ignoring the pain and the far-too-tight wrap Victor had demanded he put around his chest before he even leave the locker room. “What are you doing tomorrow, Swan?”

“I have to work. Opening night thing in two weeks is slowly driving me insane. Did you know Scarlet can’t eat gluten?” “I did, actually. He complains about it, at least, once a week.” “Why? Don’t you have to be at the Garden tomorrow?” “Apparently there’s more tests and MRI results to get back and they might know when I can skate again, but, uh, you want to get coffee or something?” His voice stuttered over the actual question, groaning a bit on the uh and he was the captain of the New York Rangers, it shouldn’t have been nearly this terrifying to talk to her. But then she’d been wearing his jersey and he hadn’t actually stopped thinking about her in the last three weeks and Killian was, absolutely, in over his head.

Emma didn’t say anything for what felt like several hours and for half a second Killian thought she was going to say no, something about the rules and smashing straight through them at this point, but then he heard her take a deep breath and he was positive she was nodding. “Hot chocolate,” she said.

“What?” “I’m not really a coffee person.” Every muscle in his body seemed to loosen at her voice, smile on his face threatening to overwhelm him completely at this point, and he hummed in agreement as the bus pulled up to the tarmac, half an hour coming to an end far too quickly.

“Hot chocolate it is then,” Killian said, pointedly ignoring whatever it was his pulse was doing.

“Ok,” Emma murmured. “That, uh, that sounds nice.” “Just let me know when you’re not dealing with Scarlet’s food aversions and we can go, ok?” She laughed and he still hadn’t stopped smiling, earning a very particular look from Robin when he finally woke up. “And maybe let me know when you land?” “Of course, love.” “Bye, Killian.” “Bye.” He stuffed his phone in his pocket, standing up and grabbing his bag off the shelf above his head, ignoring whatever it was Robin was doing with his face.

“What?” Killian snapped as they walked up the steps towards the plane.

Robin shrugged, nudging him forward down the aisle. “Nothing, Cap, absolutely nothing.”

#cs ff #captain swan ff #ouat ff #cs #csbb #blue line #i wrote this chapter at a basketball game on super bowl sunday #in case anyone was wondering #also that's pretty telling about how long ago i started writing this

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auburnfamilynews · 4 years ago

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How else could they possibly beat the Tahd??

A well-known blog (our colleagues across the way) gave a public rundown of new NCAA rules for college football. They described how the “accidental” exploitation of loopholes by Auburn has been rectified. But some have stood up and said “What you have told us is rubbish. Auburn will surely find a new loophole, because they’re always cheatin’.” One might reply that this latest issue can’t happen again, but the answer is of course that it’s “BARN CHEATIN’ all the way down!” What follows herein is a brief history of BARN CHEATIN’.

1949: Auburn 14, Alabama 13

How BARN CHEATED: Auburn legend Travis Tidwell convinced head coach Earl Brown to let him onto the block team for Alabama’s tying extra point. Tidwell’s high school teammate, Eddie Salem, surely rushed the kick and missed it. BARN CHEATIN’ level: 3. It just goes to show you kicking has been bullshit for a lot longer than Nick Saban’s tenure

1969: Auburn 49, Alabama 26

How BARN CHEATED: It didn’t affect the outcome of the game, but Connie Frederick decided, without telling anyone, to take a punt snap and run 100 yards for the game’s final touchdown. He had noticed that Alabama wasn’t paying attention to him after he received the snap on earlier punts, so he decided he’d just run with what was going to be his final punt. He even made sure he was standing on the goal line when he received the snap, just so he could say it was 100 yards. BARN CHEATIN’ level: 1. It’s TRICK PLAY BULLSHIT, but the game was already decided. Shug didn’t even go for 2 to make it 50. He was booed by Auburn fans for that decision, because they ain’t got class.

1982: Auburn 23, Alabama 22

How BARN CHEATED: Well there’s obviously paying Bo Jackson. Who would turn down a chance to play for the Yankees? There’s also Tim Castille being called for pass interference on Auburn’s eventual game winning drive. Obviously the refs were paid to rob Bear Bryant of a win in his final Iron Bowl. Never mind that Castille hit Chris Woods before the ball got there. Bear never failed to get that call before. Then there’s the fact that Bo may not have scored when he went over the top. There’s no goal line camera, so it’s obvious he didn’t make it. BARN CHEATIN’ level: 4. Tough to prove, but there’s just a preponderance of evidence.

1989: Auburn 30, Alabama 20

How BARN CHEATED: Well for starters there’s moving the game to Auburn when Bear had a signed document that it would be in Birmingham longer than that. Obviously Auburn doesn’t respect tradition. Then there’s the game itself. Auburn used paper shakers that created a blue haze over the field that obviously distracted Alabama’s players, and it may have even given them lung cancer. Then there’s 12 men on the field on Auburn’s first touchdown. THE REFS CAN COUNT THEM WHEN IT HAPPENS TO BAMA WHY NOT BARN?! Then of course there’s when Alexander Wright went out of bounds totally on his own just like Thom Gossam in 1974, but they let him come back in and make the catch!! This ain’t legal either! BARN CHEATIN’ level: 9. The game being in Auburn is bad enough, then you add in what happened during the game. You could say this is the true genesis of BARN CHEATIN’ since most of the later occurrences happen down there.

1993: Auburn 22, Alabama 14

How BARN CHEATED: This one wasn’t even on real TV because guess what? BARN CHEATED! Then they went and injured Jay Barker, probably on purpose, and ruined Alabama’s comeback attempt. How are you supposed to come back and win with a backup quarterback?! Not to mention they scored a touchdown on a 4th and 15. Real football gentlemen don’t attempt such things. That’s field goal range. BARN CHEATIN’ level: 7. They did most of their cheatin’ pre-game, but it’s still cheatin’.

1995: Auburn 31, Alabama 27

How BARN CHEATED: Well for one thing they scheduled this game when Alabama was appealing some bullshit NCAA allegations, and then BARN had the gall to print shirts about it. Then you have the ending. CURTIS BROWN CAUGHT THAT DAMN BALL I GOT THE PICTURES TO PROVE IT! I just don’t have them on the internet. I promise I have them. I swear he caught that ball. The refs stole it. BARN CHEATIN’ level: 6. I can’t prove they paid the refs, but you just know they did.

2002: Auburn 17, Alabama 7

How BARN CHEATED: Y’all I can’t prove they helped convince Fran to take the Texas A&M job and throw this game, but I’ll just ask you where Tommy Tuberville worked before he became a head coach?

Exactly. Besides, who wins with a white running back in 21st century? BARN CHEATIN’ level: 5. Sometimes you gotta see this bullshit in layers. Plus they started a period of Alabama football we’ve all agreed to ignore.

2010: Auburn 28, Alabama 27

How BARN CHEATED: $CAM NEWTON WAS BOUGHT AND PAID FOR. HE SULLIED BRYANT-DENNY STADIUM WITH HIS PRESENCE. I CAN’T EVEN TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE WITHOUT REFLEXIVELY POISONING THE NEAREST TREE. BARN CHEATIN’ level: 9. AND THE NCAA JUST LET EM GET AWAY WITH IT TOO.

2013: Auburn 34, Alabama 28

How BARN CHEATED: I still don’t think this is what we want football to be. Plays with ILLEGAL BLOCKING and MEN DOWNFIELD and FORWARD PASSES. It was just a matter of time before they unleashed something like this. Besides, you shouldn’t be allowed to return a missed field goal. They’re hard enough to make as it is. AND HE STEPPED OUT OF BOUNDS ANYWAY.

Don’t tell me it’s photoshopped. That’s just the BARN CHEATIN’ your eyes

BARN CHEATIN’ level: 8. It’s like they took the ring right off of poor AJ’s finger.

2015: Alabama 29, Auburn 13

How BARN CHEATED: Oh they still cheat when they lose. Just like when they hosed our poor brethren from the East, BARN hosed down the field to slow down Derrick Henry. Then they even hosed down their basketball court. BARN CHEATIN’ level: 7. You might think it should be lower since Alabama won, but BARN CHEATIN’ ratings are above the result.

2017: Auburn 26, Alabama 14

How BARN CHEATED: This is where earlier BARN CHEATIN’ events come back hurt the Tide again. The stadium was entirely too loud. I’m tellin you they had to be pumping in crowd noise. It was so loud Coach Saban didn’t realize he needed to pull Jalen and put in Tua. Obviously that would have made the difference. BARN CHEATIN’ level: 4. Though it increases to a 10 if they really did throw the UCF game just to give them a reason to claim a national title, which I’m sure they did. BARN is always aubsessed.

2019: Auburn 48, Alabama 45

How BARN CHEATED: How can you kick a field goal with one second on a running clock? Coach Saban was right to get mad. Then there’s using a punter at wide receiver. Just a bunch of high school bullshit. Not to mention they made us throw a butt-interception. They already had a butt-fumble they shouldn’t be allowed to return a pass that bounces off of someone’s behind. It’s unseemly. BARN CHEATIN’ level: 10. Maybe it’s recency bias, but THIS HIGH SCHOOL BULLSHIT KEPT US OUT OF THE PLAYOFF.

IF YOU HAVE NEW CORROBORATED EVIDENCE OF MORE BARN CHEATIN’, PLEASE LET US KNOW BY SENDING TIPS VIA TWITTER TO @ROLLBAMAROLL.

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2020/7/23/21335479/a-brief-history-of-barn-cheatin

#IFTTT #Blogger #auburn #auburn fast #wareagle #AuburnFamilyNews #war eagle #sec #football news #aubu

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likelovelikesuicide · 7 years ago

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Shadowhunters - Hiatus week rant

Shadowhunters is on hiatus this week because ‘merica... so I give you another rant because I prefer to dwell on this show week after week over dealing with real life...

I would like to start by saying that my opinions, as presented, are in no way a reflection on the writers, actors, or anyone else affiliated with the show. I am here solely for the characters, the stories and while I understand that real people control what happens behind the scenes, I know that no single person is to blame for any of the issues I’m pointing out here and also, I reject reality. Life has a fucked up plot on it’s own, so whatever...

1. Let’s begin with the elephant in the room, the scene that caused the most issue since s2 began - Magnus and Alec in 2.07 - Let me begin by saying that I actually like and enjoy the “first time” scene in the context of their relationship and I think the consent issue was a misunderstanding on the part of the audience. In this scene, Alec goes to his boyfriend, hopeful and intent on moving forward within their relationship by spending a night together (& doing some lovin’) … Magnus, rightfully given his past, expresses his concerns with moving too fast because he has serious feelings for Alec and he doesn't just want sex from this. Alec, being the straight forward guy that he is, tells Magnus that he has nothing to worry about because he, Alec, wants this too. This meaning them, being together. He's not saying he wants sex. He's saying he wants to be with Magnus. - this. Us. - The scene fits their story and so much of the dialogue is context within their overall arc. _ However, the issue with the scene is in how it was framed in the episode. Earlier on we see Magnus and Alec stop a kiss because Jace is making noise with a girl somewhere in their home. Then we see an extended scene of Jace with the girl, being naked, intimate, and frankly vulgar on screen. Especially when Alec enters the room and the random topless girl comes onto him in his boyfriend’s home where Jace is a guest. It made Jace look cheap and disrespectful, and it sets the mood for a “first time" scene that was sent off screen without so much as a raised shirt. From the writer's perspective, I think they wanted to show a contrast of lust vs. love but it didn't work at all and from the LGBT perspective, what was shown made it look like they’re trying to keep us behind closed doors. And fuck that. ---This was also demonstrated in 2.13 when Alec and Magnus’ make-up kiss is panned off screen to show Maia lick Jace’s abs for no reason whatsoever and it needs to stop. Either stop showing it or show it for everyone. They aren't filming Malec in the same way they film the other couples. And they know it. Cut the crap.

there’s more but I’ll but it under a read more to safe your dash

2. Timeline. Tone. Episode themes. These things are needed to maintain a story, and right now they are truly all over the place - I mean, has it been a month since S2 started? Six months? A week? A year? We don't know. (season 1 was a month fight me on this) The impossible timelines make watching the episodes jarring in a way that is not entertaining, it’s uncomfortable. (Ref. Glee s4/s5. All of LOST, teen wolf, etc.) Overall this is an issue of pacing in scenes between the various pairings...Raphael and Izzy got a 5 minute scene of them cooking and sharing blood that could have been done in a forth of that time, plus several scenes that actually should be talked about regarding the consent issue… Magnus and Alec got the build up… ish… now they get a minute here, a kiss there. Their time together is implied, referenced... their love established through time spent together off screen - Izzy and Sebastian got full scenes of them just talking for the sake of talking and cementing his creep factor… Clary and Simon have multiple, full scenes in a single episodes to display their feelings, support each other and be together publicly as well as separate scenes and stories going on throughout their doomed relationship.… Jace and Simon spent an entire episode messing with each other in a bar for shits and giggles… Maia and Jace banter, Maia and Simon flirt, Izzy and Simon do mean things together while being really nice about it, Raphael and Simon bicker and try to hurt each other like school children on a playdate… Luke and Simon share war stories… (Honestly what I’m getting from this is everyone wants time with Simon, including the writers… which I get… poor Simon...and okay you got my point, there is no balance. I’ll stop now)

3. Alright look, I didn’t read the books and I’m never going to, but I think in some ways the show is written around the idea that you have read the books - thus you know who random people are (Jace’s seelie bitch, Lydia, Imogene, Ragnor, Catirina, etc.) But like, they don’t follow the books, at all. I mean I started the first book and before I returned it to the library because god, no - I read far enough to know that Dot is like, an old lady or something. And the books start when Clary is 16... My point being, they use the story, the world, the ideas without following the books and that’s fine, except like, I don’t know nor do I care who the Herondale’s are so why give Jace this big reunion with grandma (crazy bitch) Imogene scene when there was NO context for it. Also, if I had read the books, as in the case of Harry Potter or Twilight (ya i read it, i loved it. Fight me, New Moon is a great book) I would want to see the books on screen as they were in print because that’s all anyone ever wants when they find out a series they read and liked is being made into a movie or tv show. They want the book, the characters, the scenes, the world translated to screen as they imagined it…. So I get it. sorry book stan’s. Also, is Aldertree always a total douche?

4. So… The show started with Clary and she is presented as a strong female protagonist - physically she is equal to the most elite in her race without proper training, she has special abilities specific to her, but she is headstrong to a fault. She is flighty and rarely listens to advice or reason, therefore she is easily led into traps that harm not only her, but the people around her (didn’t Magnus call Jocelyn out for something like this) … I won’t deny that Clary cares for other people... however, she is an 18 (?) year old and pretty much everyone is blinded by their emotions at that age, her faults are relatable. What I need for Clary is her to remember who she was. She grew up a mundane, she lost her mother... Twice. She wanted to be an artist, she was happy and looking forward to her future. When the show started she was a girl with a plan for her life and okay, maybe art school won’t work… but why can’t she make a name for herself in the institute? In Idris? Why is her story so focused on the men around her? Simon? Jace? Sebastian? This series of love triangles don't interest me at all… How about Clary testifying against her father, Valentine, at a Clave trail and burying his ass? How about Clary supporting Izzy as she rebuilds her strength and realizing first that something's up with this Sebastian dude? How about Clary getting back into her art and learning to control her new skill through her mundane ability? How about Clary understanding that Alec has earned and deserves to be Head of the Institute and refusing to undercut his authority because she respects him?

5. How about Jace doing the same… because Alec is his parabati and that still means something… actually how about Jace takes a nap for an episode cause I don't see another way he's going to keep himself out of trouble and/or keep it in his pants.

6. The continued implications of incest have been unnecessary from the start... I get that it's a theme in the books and that's on the original writer... but in the show it doesn't follow that no one thought to run a DNA test on Clary and Jace in s1? Really? No One? Izzy? … and in a warrior/soldier society like the Shadowhunters, regular blood tests would be mandatory anyway… (which also would have eliminated the whole yin fen issue for Izzy, just saying) But now, of course we have Sebastian, and I know enough about the story to know that he is the real Jonathan Morgenstern and I hope Clary figures that out on the show before any actual implied incest occurs because that shit will cause the show the be cancelled and condemned. Straight up.

7. Okay, going back to 2a for a moment, can we talk about the whole thing where Valentine captured an Angel?? Like a real Angel? Like a straight up ANGEL? Shouldn’t that be a big deal? Or at least A moment of concern for the Clave? Doesn’t anyone else want to know HOW HE CAPTURED AN ANGEL??? - sure the mortal cup is out there (*cough* Sebastian has it *Cough*) But if no one has so much as seen an Angel in living memory, isn’t it kind of like a hugely dangerous wtf thing that Valentine can capture one??? (I’m sorry this story was so swept under the rug and like, I actually want to KNOW)

8. I think we can all agree that the lighting department is run by vampires and maybe Simon should take over that job on the Malec scenes in particular because LET THERE BE LIGHT PEOPLE

9. Editing seems to be an issue overall - with pacing or scenes cutting abruptly off and I’m sorry but there was a moment in 2.13 where I could have sworn I was watching Criminal Minds and look Shadowhunters air’s on an american family channel at 7pm on Mondays (without parental warnings)… let's leave the gore and raunchy hook ups to the 10pm shows, please. There are children present… also, small additions or subtractions make a world of difference - imagine for a moment that instead of Alec entering Magnus’ loft in 2.13 after the fight and saying “you were right, you never have to prove yourself to me… I love you” - Alec had instead said something like “you were right, you should never have to prove yourself to my bosses. I’m sorry. I love you.” and given back the envelope with the hair in it??? How much more meaningful would that have been. Especially given that Alec was now Head of the Institute - it would show he trusts his boyfriend. It would set up his alliance with the downworld, thus introducing the plot for the next episode… it would have shown Alec’s respect for his partner over what the Clave expects of those they call downworlders… sorry I’m done.

10. What is the overall plot to season 2??? Is it all focused around the war with Valentine? Season 1 was obviously meant to follow Clary as she searched for her mother and shit went down around her… however, season 2 has branched out from that, allowing several other key characters more focus and next week we will hit the final stretch. 6 weeks to build up to another inevitable cliff hanger because they already have a third season and this is when you do that shit. But what will it be? As I said, I didn't read the books, so I only have vague references to the possibilities... but I hope we'll all be able to enjoy the remainder of the summer season before counting down the days till season 3.

#Shadowhunters #shadowhunters 2b #Shadowhunters 2a #Magnus Bane #Alec Lightwood #Malec #clary fairchild #jace herondale #Simon Lewis #clace #climon #sh spoilers #rant #by di

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jackswimmermann · 7 years ago

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You Know I Was Down For You...Chap. 6

Fandom: Check, Please! Pairing: Adam “Holster” Birkholtz/Justin “Ransom” Oluransi Rating: T Note: The second part of chapter five really. Warning for a mention of blood.

“I mean, we won. And I didn’t start the fight. Plus, nobody died, so pretty good.”

“When was the last time someone died playing hockey?”

“1968.”

Justin shook his head. “Of course, you knew that.”

AO3: x

[1][2][3][4][5]

Justin traveled to the arena with the Birkholtz clan, but they were separated in the crowds as Justin kept an eye out for Samwell crew. There was easily another hour before puck drop, but the crowds were thick, the arena deafening between the music, vendors, and the sheer number of people trying to move around in the limited space. The Falconers’s popularity had definitely risen in the last year or so. But as an expansion team making it as far as they did in the playoffs the year before, he supposed he shouldn’t be surprised.

He spotted Lardo first, considering she was perched on Shitty’s shoulders and therefore towering over the crowd. The Frogs, all of them, and Bitty were with them. Nursey and Lardo were deep into a conversation he didn’t bother trying to decipher from that distance. And if the expression on Dex’s face was anything to go by, Tango came equipped with his usual arsenal of questions. Meanwhile, Chowder looked ready to vibrate right out of his skin, though he was the first one to notice Justin as he made his way towards them.

“Rans!” Chowder’s exclamation altered everyone else to his presence and the group welcomed him into the fold with high fives, fist bumps, and slaps on the back.

Lardo slipped off of Shitty’s shoulders when security started eyeing their group, and they seemed to take that as a sign to head in. Walking through the stadium seats was just as amazing as it was the first time. Sure, he had been to NHL games before, and had been playing hockey most of his life-but watching the Falconers play was different. He knew this team; Jack did his best to merge his Samwell life and Falconer life. And now…

“Holster!”

The players weren’t on the ice just yet, but the line-up was playing across the jumbotron above the rink. And there he was. Adam Birkholtz. Rookie Defenseman. #4.

“Do his teeth look even larger in that picture than normal?”

Justin, and a number of the Samwell crew, sputtered out a surprised laugh as Holster’s sister sidled up beside them. Justin looked around to find the rest of the Brikholtz family not far behind.

“Maragret, don’t talk about your brother like that.” Katherine scolded, though it sounded as if she was saying in more because she thought she should, rather than actually caring that Margaret had said it. The sixteen-year-old shrugged off her step-mother’s scolding.

“They totally do.” Justin agreed in a conspiratorial whisper.

“This is why you’re my favorite.” Margaret told him through her giggles.

Holster’s family had met the team when they came down for graduation, but Justin ran through the introductions again, just in case. With the “adults” distracted by names and small talk, it was Holster’s youngest sister, Savannah, that finally noticed the team making their way out onto the ice. If they had thought the stadium itself was loud, nothing quite compared to an eight-year-old screaming “Adam” across the ice rink.

Well, it got his attention.

Grinning, Holster skated towards them. Savannah took off, down the stairs to the ice, pig tails flying behind her.

Justin kind of wished he could do the same thing.

It was different seeing him in the Falconer blue, instead of Samwell red, but he looked good. Like he belonged there on the ice. Justin hadn’t really thought he would go pro after college, med school had been the plan since he was in high school, but it was odd to see Holster strapped up and ready for a game, and not be by his side.

Well, something to overanalyze later. For now,

“Yeah, Birkholtz!”

_X_

The game started with a foul less than three minutes in and two fights. Both teams were playing like they had something to prove and their opponent was the last thing standing in their way. Holster didn’t get much ice time in the first period, just as he predicted, but Jack was out there playing hard, and getting slammed into the boards even harder. If he got checked again, Justin was pretty sure Bitty would do something drastic.

Shitty shouted down insults that, Justin was fairly certain, were only as mild as they were for Savannah’s sake. The rest of the Samwell crew wasn’t far behind him.

Halfway through the second period, neither team was on the board, and then Holster was sent out. Their row cheered as he skated out, earning themselves glares from the surrounding seats, but Justin could feel his pulse sky rocket as he watched his best friend join the brutal game. Margaret grabbed his right hand, eyes trained on Holster. Justin squeezed her hand back, and settled in for one of the most stressful nine minutes and thirty-four seconds he could ever remember.

_X_

By the final period, the fact that someone hadn’t drawn blood in the game was a complete miracle. The tension was palpable. The opposing center flew down the ice with the puck, Jack and Robison hot on his tail. Just as they closed in on him, he took a wild shot.

After that, everything seemed to happen at once.

Holster dove to block the shot. Their left-wing dove after him. A helmet hit the ice. Snowy caught the puck.

Snowy caught the puck.

Holster’s helmet hit the ice.

Between the two teams, and their position, they couldn’t see much. But that didn’t stop Justin from jumping to his feet in attempt to know what was happening. By the time the refs pulled the brawling players apart, everyone around him was on their feet as well.

Holster was on his feet, but blood was dripping down the front of his sweater and was smeared across most of his face. Others were in similar shape, but Justin couldn’t take his eyes off Holster as they escorted him off the ice.

As if he could feel the eyes on him, Holster turned towards their row. He waved, throwing them a reassuring smile. It might have been more effective if two of his teeth weren’t missing.

“Oh, what the fuck?” Shitty swore a few seats down.

He couldn’t have said it better himself.

_X_

The rest of the game passed in a blur Justin couldn’t follow. Holster never returned to the ice and he couldn’t stop thinking about it. What was happening? Was he alright? Could that have gone differently if Justin had been down there on the ice with him? He knew it was a useless train of thought, but that didn’t seem to stop that particular anxiety from popping up with frustrating frequency.

The only part of the game he seemed to register was when Tater slammed the guy who knocked Holster down like the big guy was trying to flatten him-Thank God for Alexei Mashkov-but when Jack sunk the winning puck into the net, he was on his feet screaming himself hoarse with the rest of them.

An insistent tugging on his hand dragged his attention away from the celebrating team on the ice. Margaret nodded towards her family as Katherine shoved her way through the crowded rows.

“C’mon, we’re gonna go see him.”

_X_

“Maybe we should stay longer.”

Justin sat at Holster’s kitchen table, watching Katherine pace around the apartment. The girls all sat on the couch. They had been watching their mother, trying to convince her otherwise, but had since given up. Savannah was asleep on Margaret’s lap. She had wanted to go lie down with Holster, but Katherine had been worried about disturbing him.

Holster’s step-father, Leo, sat beside Justin. He had put forth a valiant effort as well, but was losing steam.

“I’m going to be here, at least for a few more days.” Justin reminded her. Technically he had a lab on Monday, but not until the afternoon. “And Jack already offered to check up on Adam, or stay with him once we leave if he still doesn’t seem a hundred percent.”

Katherine chewed on her bottom lip uncertainly.

“C’mon, Ma. Justin can take care of him for a couple of days. He’s a med-student isn’t he?” Margaret chimed in. “And if we all leave without you, you’ll have to take the train back and you hate the train.”

“It’s not his first concussion, Kathy. I’m sure he’ll be fine.” Leo added softly. Justin winced.

“That’s not really comforting, Leo.” Elizabeth muttered.

Katherine sat down at the table as well, resting her head in her hands.

“You’ll take care of him, right, Justin?”

“Of course.”

She nodded, though she looked extremely unhappy to be doing so. “We’ll just be in Boston for the night, with Leo’s parents, so if anything happens,”

“You’ll be the first to know.”

It took another hour and half for the whole family to be packed up and ready to go, but in the end they did actually leave. Once the apartment was empty, Justin headed towards Holster’s room. The blond laid spread eagle on his bed, in the dark, but Justin could tell right away that he was still awake.

“They actually left?” He asked.

“It was a little touch and go there for a while with your mom but they wore her down.”

“Mm.”

Justin sat on the side of the bed but after a moment Holster shifted to make space for him and he climbed fully onto the bed.

“You doin’ okay, bro?”

Holster gave a slight nod. “It hurts, but I don’t even think it’s the worse headache I’ve had, honestly.”

“Hangover after freshman year epikegster?”

Holster laughed, though it ended in a grimace. “Holy shit yeah. That was definitely the worst.”

“So, not quite as ‘great’ as we predicted.” Justin mused as they laid in the dark. He felt more than saw Holster’s shrug.

“I mean, we won. And I didn’t start the fight. Plus, nobody died, so pretty good.”

“When was the last time someone died playing hockey?”

“1968.”

Justin shook his head. “Of course, you knew that.”

Holster grinned, showing off the dark gap in his teeth. Despite himself, Justin smiled too. He held up a fist. Holster’s fist knocked soundly against his own.

“Good game, bro.”

#rita writes #omgcp #cp #check please #holsom #ransom #holster #justin oluransi #adam birkholtz #fic #fic: ykiwdfy #fic: you know i was down for you #8.3.17

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avanneman · 6 years ago

Text

Who’s dumber, Trump or the “Intelligence Community”?

I won’t keep you in suspense. IT’S TRUMP! The bad news—or, I guess, the worse news—is, it’s a close contest. And the worst news—for now—is that it’s not just funny dumb but, all too likely, disastrous dumb. Because the real objective for both sides—though they’re choosing different routes—is a new Cold War, with ever-tightening tensions, ever-emerging “crises”, and ever-mounting defense budgets as far as the eye can see. That $700 billion defense budget, for example. Don’t you find that a little bit embarrassing? How about $1,000,000,000,000? You know, a solid trillion! Isn’t that more American? Isn’t that how we roll?

Well, oy vey, oy vey, is all I can say. A week ago or so, our “intelligence chiefs”, aka the “Military Intellectual Complex”, a gag that has taken me a full decade to come up with, reported to Congress that, as the New York Times explained it “North Korea is unlikely to dismantle its nuclear arsenal, that the Islamic State group remains a threat and that the Iran nuclear deal is working. The chiefs made no mention of a crisis at the U.S.-Mexican border for which Trump has considered declaring a national emergency.”

If you’ve keeping up with the news, you know that Trump didn’t take kindly to the “chiefs”— FBI Director Christopher Wray, CIA Director Gina Haspel and Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats—dissing his priorities and inserting their own, calling their comments “extremely passive and naïve”, which is what they could have said about him.

As Scott Ritter, writing for the American Conservative, points out, the American intelligence community has a long history of getting it wrong:

In this case, Trump is right and his detractors are wrong.

The current crop of national intelligence chiefs are cut from the same cloth as their predecessors. They are careerists who have risen to the top not through their analytical or operational talents, but through their willingness to conform to a system that is designed not to challenge conventional thinking—especially when such thinking sustains policies that have been given the imprimatur of the entrenched establishment.

That’s definitely true, and Ritter goes on to detail the number of times the CIA et al. have gotten it all wrong at the behest of their political masters. But Trump’s major beef with the Military Intellectual Complex is that it isn’t obedient enough to his every claim—because, of course, Trump believes that it’s the job of every government employee to give him unlimited and unstinted personal loyalty. If Trump had his way, the MIC would be praising him for averting a major war with North Korea, thanks to his warm personal relationship with best bud (one of them, at least) Kim Jong Un, not to mention how withdrawing from the agreement with Iran guarantees that that nation will never acquire nuclear weapons and indeed all but guarantees the complete collapse of the evil mullahs in the very near future.

What’s worse—much worse, in fact—beyond this affront to Trump’s massive, and massively unstable, l’amour-propre—is that—given the way of the world—the world of DC, at least—the future of American foreign policy is likely to be a malign, split the difference mish-mash of the worst of both Trump’s and the MIC’s competing “visions”. The myth of the Trump-Kim Jong Un bludbruterschaft will fade, but the myth that North Korea’s nuclear weapons constitute an “existential threat” to the U.S. will be dusted off and brandished whenever peace is in danger of breaking out. While Trump may actually succeed in getting U.S. troops out of Syria and Afghanistan, that victory may be more than cancelled out by his compulsive determination to kick some as of yet unspecified ass in Iran as Trump, both led on and enabled by National Security Advisor and war whisperer in chief Tom Bolton, keeps ratcheting up the tension, sure that something cool and electorally advantageous will happen if he just keeps on poking and prodding long enough and hard enough.

In the meantime, of course, Trump keeps antagonizing China, while Congress keeps antagonizing Russia. There is much not to like about both nations. One has a de facto authoritarian president for life and the other a fuehrer de jure. One seeks to expand a “philosophy” of reactionary chauvinism in Europe, while the other seeks to recover—really, to invent—its “natural role” as the dominant economic and cultural force throughout Asia. Both nations are harassing the U.S. in a variety of unattractive ways, but both are, literally, at the opposite ends of the earth from the U.S.1

Russia, whose economic sophistication is still decades behind the West, Germany in particular, is an annoyance far more than a danger, though Putin, lustily waving his nuclear weapons, which he would never dare use—for what could he gain that would be worth the nuclear holocaust that the U.S., Britain, and France could and would all inflict upon him?—is less of a danger. Back in the day, President Eisenhower used to say “There won’t be a war. Khrushchev knows that, no matter what, I can always destroy Moscow, and there’s nothing he wants so much that he’ll give up Moscow to get it,” words that are a thousand times more true today than back in the fifties.

The real danger of nuclear weapons is the triggering of their use by accident, confusion, or misinterpretation of the other side’s actions. During the Cuban missile crisis, Soviet anti-aircraft installations in Cuba had strict orders not to shoot at U.S. planes flying overhead, but one Soviet officer fired anyway, when he saw the Cubans doing so. “We were here to protect our Cuban brothers,” he explained. On several occasions, U.S. surface ships dropped “warning” depth charges near nuclear-armed Soviet submarines. See, because it didn’t hit you, it was a warning shot. So you shouldn’t feel threatened. If we wanted to kill you, you’d already be dead. That’s the difference.

Trump, by abrogating our treaty with Russia regarding intermediate-range missiles, has given the Pentagon an exceedingly early Christmas present. It’s clear that Trump likes breaking treaties—it feels so manly. I suspect that Trump wants another arms race. It’s fun spending money, and maybe, just maybe, he could build the world’s biggest bomb, or the world’s biggest, well, the world’s biggest penis shaped object, a goal that seems to exert a fascination over many billionaires, both real and imaginary.

It is bad enough to get into a nuclear pissing match with a pissant2 country like Russia, which is spacious in the possession of dirt but has a defense budget less than a tenth the size of ours, about $61 billion in 2017—buying, of course, that wonderful Russian technology, which is light years in advance of our own, if you believe Comrade Putin, not to mention those professional liars in the Pentagon and elsewhere, and even else-elsewhere. But getting into a shoving match with China is a whole ’nother level of stupidity, and danger.

China, unlike Russia, is a true “rival” to the United States, something that we have never really experienced before. The Soviet Union certainly sought world leadership, and had the advantage of millions of true believers in the great 20th century myth of “the Revolution”, when those who had nothing would at once have everything, while China “only” has its massive size and steadily growing economy as a fit vehicle for dominating the Asian landmass in a manner somewhat similar to the dominance of the United States in the Western Hemisphere. Such strange presumption!

Sadly, it’s not only Trump and the MIC that want to get into a pissing match with China. Elizabeth Warren wants in on the action as well, claiming that we must not lose our technological lead over China. Here’s a news flash, Lizzie: no country keeps its technological advantage forever. Something that can be done once can be done again. Great Britain was the world’s workshop from about 1770 to 1870, but after that both the U. S. and Germany caught up swiftly. The U.S. was easily the world’s leading industrial nation by 1914, a lead that widened enormously when Europe all but blew itself up in first World War I and World War II. Yet by 1975, both Japan and Germany were challenging the U.S. for supremacy in the world market for passenger automobiles, an industry that the U.S. had of course invented. One decade later, the U.S. had clearly lost the “race” for dominance in the market for home entertainment electronics, something else we had invented.

Still, the U.S. had a huge, educated, homogeneous population and an unmatched system of higher education, which helped us first create and then dominate the whole field of digital electronics. But China, in a matter of decades, has emerged from a state of self ruin imposed by blind ideological obsessions to the modern age, with a population four times the size of the U.S. There is no reason why China should not emerge as a “giant” Germany, or a “giant” Japan, or, indeed, a “giant” U.S. There is no trick the U.S. can play to turn back the clock. It’s quite possible that China’s swerve to authoritarianism may ultimately lead to a stultified, self-destructive society (which, of course, would present significant dangers in its own right), but it’s also possible that, in fifty years, China’s economy could be twice the size of our own. Trying to apply the “lessons of the past”, when the U.S., in league with Great Britain and the Soviet Union, defeated Nazi Germany, with the odds seven to one in our favor (in terms of uniformed troops), and when the U.S., in league with western Europe and Japan, defeated the Soviet Union, with an economy less than half the size of the U.S. economy alone, could be literally self-defeating.

As I’ve complained before, the “left” promotes almost no reasoned opposition to the MIC, when indeed it isn’t simply repeating its talking points in less hysterical tones. Even though right-wing hawks constantly accused President Obama of being “soft” on North Korea—because if he were “firm” the commies would have surrendered immediately—the Obama Administration pushed the myth of the Korean menace as much as the Bush Administration, whose “toughness” resulted in the development of the Korean bomb in the first place. Obama, whose opposition to nuclear weapons was “sincere”—at least he thought so—apparently thought it was disastrous for any nation without nuclear weapons to acquire them, even while signing off on a trillion-dollar, entirely unnecessary, renovation of our nuclear inventory, thanks to the massive inertia of the MIC, the almost complete lack of interest on the part of liberal voters on any subject related to foreign and military policy, and the almost complete obeisance of Congress to military contractors.

Liberals are happy to ridicule the split between Trump and the MIC, but they almost always accept the MIC talking points as a convenient stick to beat Trump, without noticing or caring that they’re also promoting a new Cold War as well. It’s just that Trump’s Cold War is all about feeding Trump’s ego, while the MIC’s Cold War is all about maintaining the careers of thousands of hard-nosed, hard-working bureaucrats, both in and out of uniform, who don’t want to admit that they’re a solution in search of a problem.

Afterwords If I’ve skimped on the whole Middle East aspect of this thing, and I certainly have, well, there’s a limit to the amount of angst that I can ventilate in one sitting.

Russia is marginally closer via the over the Pole route, but they still have to go through Canada first. And that’s a lot of skiing. ↩︎

Word “recognizes” “pissant”. I did not see that coming. ↩︎

#Donald Trump #military spending #Military-Industrial Complex #Russia #China

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grizzlefur · 8 years ago

Text

WWEm - The Philosopher-King We Deserve

Happy WWelentines day. Or something.

Transmission date: Monday 13/Tuesday 14 February 2017.

Guess who's back onyour screens with some fresh new FRIDAY NIGHT RAW? .

daniel, play my theme music .

(daniel is my sound guy) .

(he doesn't exist, but nor does my sound capability, so that's ok) .

we open on an in memoriam for chavo guerrero sr .

who i have no other information on, so i'll go for 'probably wasn't a murderer as far as i know' .

hedge hedge hedge .

but hey, he was eddie's brother .

so a certain amount of reflected love in any circumstance .

titles hit, and oh god i've just remembered what we've got in store this week .

cut to the arena, vegas uses 80% of its annual pyro allowance .

later we have the festival of friendship, a women's title match, and probably more things .

for one of those things, here's steph .

"You know it's going to be a big show when the Commissioner kicks things off!" .

no, cole, that's like 60% of episodes .

you pretty much just know it's going to be a monday .

steph has magnanimously given mick the week off because he was clearly .

stressed and overworked last week that explains everything .

a moment of silence for mick foley, of being reeducated .

and then several more moments of silence because roman has just walked in .

eliciting a deafening 'huh' .

he wants to fight braun now instead of waiting for fastlane .

steph asks the crowd for an opinion on it, then proceeds to ignore it .

roman doesn't care what anyone thinks because he's the big dog guy .

apparently we can't have that match because braun is fighting mark henry later .

(woo) .

roman makes a vague threat, steph forbids him from interfering .

and...now here are anderson and gallows? .

anderson has a new schmullet schmub shirt .

apparently they're here to stand up for steph .

and for everyone who doesn't care for roman's shit .

they want a handicap match against roman .

steph does a teddy long impersonation, everyone winces .

so that match is a thing, and apparently teddy is in the hof class this year .

so roman and the club commence to murderbrawl .

and that match is now .

it's...deeply dull, what can i say .

villainous men stamp on heroic man .

and gallows punches him until the ref calls the dq .

so that happened .

and post-beating magic killer .

or not .

roman counters out because fuck your finisher .

two punches and a convenient chair later, villainous men slink away .

woo .

hey, let's hype strowman/henry some more .

cos that's exciting .

but now, a video package about the beautiful friendship between chris and kevin .

including a mashup of chris putting everyone on the list .

advert for upcoming doc on andre .

but now, the new day .

so maybe we'll have some fun twenty minutes in .

okay, 17 minutes .

fuck you, time code .

introduced as kofi accompanied by his peeps, so i assume he has a singles match .

crowd immediately start a who chant, new day are just like cmon guys we have the who planned, give us a minute and we'll get to it .

holy shit, he's fighting bo .

i was wondering only yesterday if he was still employed .

big e has the blueprints for the new day ice cream machine .

i have no idea if this whole thing will have a payoff, or if it's just them being weird .

corey hates them because he's lactose intolerant .

my man .

we want ice cream chants begin, kofi says fuck the match and conducts them .

meanwhile, bo dances with big e as a distraction tactic, then steals and tears up the blueprints .

the fuck is even going on .

bo hits a twisting draping ddt off kofi's deep sadness, and honestly looks like he's going to get a win for a second .

but he doesn't .

needless to say .

and sos for the win .

and then big e pours bootyos on him and in his mouth .

because the new day .

corey: "Everyone knows you shouldn't feed cereal to an unconscious man!" .

your mum was fucking weird, corey .

now, charly interviews neville about the politely looming threat of one mr gallagher .

neville doesn't give a shiiiiiiiiiit .

jack appears, tries to quote shakespeare, neville's just like no .

jack walks off, presumably to have a match, but calls neville a bloody pillock first .

i am super english, so this is great to me .

and now, more recap videos of the chrevin saga .

while we purple up the ring .

cut to ads and further purpling time, and now we have noam dar v jack gallagher .

austin does an impression of noam saying alicia foooooooooooooox, and honestly? not bad .

i can't say much about this match, because the beauty of jack gallagher glitching out of moves cannot be expressed in words

alicia is very excited about noam getting some attack in .

prepare for disappointment, hun .

and headbutt to dropkick for the win .

that was pretty short, but great fun .

because how could those two have a match that isn't .

but here's neville, to suck away my good feeling with his sliiiiiiiightly too slow music .

but now, here's a limo .

containing one (1) samoa joe .

and also hunter .

but now, emmalina video .

which should be the last one, thank god .

because that's up next .

cut back from ads, and we need more time to change the ropes, so have some stock video of cegas and a chrevin video .

including the 'sin cara in an incredibly convincing jericho mask' bit .

which was amazing .

but now, emma .

in a slinky dress .

the fuck has happened to you .

and not even any incongruous gloves .

*sad face* .

...huh? .

"And now, you will see the makeover of Emmalina to Emma." .

and she walks off .

the actual fuck .

has this whole thing been a massive bait and switch for people like me .

god, i hope so .

but now, [insert woman here] interviews bayley .

she's excited .

apparently the title match is going to be the main event .

which is good .

interview woman is grinning too because excited bayley is just so infectious .

and now, chris and kevin .

chris is excited .

introduces the festival in english, spanish and japanese .

tomodachi-matsuri .

love it .

but then hunter collars kevin .

apparently they have something to talk about .

so chris goes off to plan a party .

brief shot of hunter and kevin talking earnestly in a corridor .

with no sound .

hmmmmm .

[plot thicBRRRRAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHH .

fuck it braun, can i not get through a stage direction in peace .

he's fightingmarkhenry, so let's have recap videos of his problems with roman .

just so we all remember where this match is inevitably going .

Previously on [SHOW], do you remember this thing that happened two seasons ago that would seem to have no relevance to the current situation well keep that in mind no reason .

braun and mark start off by just shouting at each other .

they're trying to portray this as an equal match, espite one of them being in the middle of a push to the moon and one being mark fucking henry .

crowd are chanting for something, but it's not either of these two .

mark goes for the world's strongest slam, basically counters himself by falling over .

and...braun does a dropkick? .

sure, why not .

and then running powerslam for the win .

say what you will about him, it's impressive to see braun casually hoist a 400-pound man onto his shoulder .

totally surprising everyone, here comes roman .

stalks slowly towards the ring and glowers, braun responds by punching him in the head

bold strategy .

cue small brawl with large men .

two superman punches do little to faze braun, then a spear gets reversed into a powerslam .

stay down, dude .

braun wanders off, licking his lips a weird amount .

roman lies in the ring going OW MY EVERYTHING .

end thing .

now, samoa joe is backstage in the interview room .

which contains only red curtains, a small tree, and a table with a model elephant on .

yknow, that classic interior design aesthetic .

but first, more chris and kevin videos .

and a sportsdude in the audience .

cesaro and sheamus train bayley backstage .

and/or hit each other .

and now enzo and cass come to mock them .

sheamus is so angry he completely fucks up his lines .

enzo being even more of a tool than usual .

is this a heel turn, or are they just the worst faces? .

the eternal question .

and we fade on them arguing .

nothing is resolved .

and now, we get cole interviewing joe backstage .

what the fuck, the curtains on cole's side are blue .

that just makes this look like two videos were really shittily edited together .

and if it's not that, then any other camera angle would presumably reveal this to be the ugliest room in history .

joe's attitude to this interview is basically "Fuck your interview" .

but, yknow, in a well-spoken way .

he is the philosopher-king we deserve .

samoa joe 4 great khan .

cole asks about seth and triple h, joe's just like excuse me which of these men are you interviewing .

god, i love him .

he's just very outspoken about how he's here to murder everyone and we should all just calmly wait our turn .

cole is sitting in front of an empty vase, a wooden flower in front of it, and the most distractingly blandly shite wall art .

the actual fuck is up with this room .

joe's spinning it that he's not just hunter's muscle, he's his associate .

walks away, leaves cole looking mildly traumatised .

but now, LET'S GO .

enteer the happy canadian man who skanked his way into all our hearts .

he's fighting handsome rusev, who weirdly wasn't announced by lana .

at least jojo didn't call him handsome rusev .

i'm still amazed how blatantly they've repeated this angle .

well, seven year rule, i guess .

(in other news, holy fuck dashing cody rhodes was in 2010) .

i like sami's new tights, but he needs to be aware that when he splays his legs while trying to fight out of an incredibly long rest hold, the pattern makes a huge, impossible to ignore X over his perineum .

this is simultaneously a pretty good match and formulaic as fuck .

like, it's basically the same as every other match each of these guys has ever fought, but on the other hand, those were good matches .

corey thinks 'handsome' should be rusev's legal first name .

fuck it, i agree .

that'd be hilarious .

although i can't decide whether it'd be funnier as a middle name .

rusev's mask falls off, he is unmasked luchador levels of distressed .

so he...puts it back on .

well that was a thing .

rusev keeps kicking sami's head off, but they keep growing back .

turns out sami zayn was a hydra all along .

who knew .

weird sequence of not-quite-spots there .

sami seems weirdly reluctant to actually do anything .

and then helluva kick with no setup or anything for the pin .

huh .

so that happened? .

i feel like i fell asleep and missed part of it, but i'm reasonably sure i didn't .

charly? appears on the ramp to interview sami .

oh, it is charly .

thanks for letting me now, sami .

sami gives an inspirational speech about getting back up whenever bullies murder you .

and swings straight in to cutting his hottest promo ever in joe's direction .

mentions mania, the WHOMP WHOMP WHOMPs kick in before he can finish that thought .

and joe blindsides him by not coming in the main entrance .

still wearing a dress shirt .

and just mashes sami into the minitron .

and coquina clutch until death .

cut to charlotte putting boots on and looking at her belt .

but now, stock footage of vegas woooooo .

and a thing about teddy long making the hof .

which would be great, but for the fact that steph told us that in her opening .

so...holla, i guess? .

beautiful shot in this video package of a white guy in the crowd with a sign saying HOLLER HOLLER PLAYER .

there's a lot to say about that .

ah, that's why we got that long-ass video .

it's cruiserweight time .

enter akira tozawa and his kick-ass music .

kendrick is on announce so he can talk about how great tozawa is .

and bet "a whole bushel of bananas" about the other crusierweights' backstage habits .

you do you, brian .

and they keep talking about bananas .

i have no fucking idea where this came from .

oh, by the way, ariya's here too .

in memoriam ariya daivari's back .

akira deploys my second-favourite catchphrase .

which is, of course, HA .

ooh, nasty move there .

tozawa goes for daivari in the corner, he drops down and chop blocks him in the shins so he hits the middle rope with this face .

and that suicide dive .

fuck, i love tozawa .

a few more kicks, and snap german katabasis for the win .

kendrick applauds his effective training .

tozawa entirely fails to notice him .

but next up, kebin to kurisu no tomodachi-matsuri .

after some more recaps of their friendship .

going all the way up to last week .

festival kicks off, as with all vegas festivals, with all the pyro .

and dancing girls .

we have officially gone full vegas .

chris struts in wearing a silver lamé jacket and hat .

this is so goddamn ridiculous it turns around into amazing .

chris is going for maximum ham .

intriduces kevin who looks faintly mortified and disappointed at the whole thing .

chris leads the girls to the ring, kevin stays a loooooong way behind them .

he has no clue what kind of stroke his friend has had .

whoever you are in the crowd with a feather-trimmed FESTIVAL OF D-BAGS sign, i love yoou and want you to succeed .

there are several mysterious objects on stage .

seriously, this is all being presented by a man wearing a silver sequinned trilby .

object #1 is a sculpture .

by ralph guggenheim, the premier norwegian minimalist maximalist artiste .

apparently it cost chris $7000 .

kevin is less than impressed .

but tries to be nice for his friend .

object #2 is a painting .

it's the creation of man, but with chris as adam and kevin as god .

that is fucking amazing .

wwe art department, you have earned your salary .

chris tells kevin to hang it in his home .

kevin is like i have two kids, and you're not wearing pants in this .

chris: "It's ART, you don't NEED pants!" .

best quote .

gift #3 is Friendship, the Magician .

who is apparently the illuminati of illusion .

i have no idea .

i'm just typing as these things happen .

kevin is like hey my 9-year-old son can do those tricks .

so Friendship the Magician has made the list .

which he deserves for that lime shirt, if nothing else .

chris admits to finding a magician on craigslist, dismisses him whence he came .

chris makes reference to the fact that he should have stopped goldberg ever making it to fastlane .

dramatic buildup .

is gift #4 a gun .

kevin's face is a picture .

no, apparentl gift #4 is chris calling goldberg out .

this'll end so well .

holy fuck .

dramatic entrance, and it's fricking gillberg .

outstanding work .

kevin runs out, murders him, and comes back to hector chris .

kevin is pissed and confused .

and chris is trying his best god bless him .

does a heartfelt speech about how much kevin means to him and how he's got his back .

d'awwwww .

and promises he'll make sure kevin beats goldberg .

awwwwww, they love each other and they actually said it .

i love that they're advancing discourse tbh .

kevin's all embarrassed because he got chris something but it's not as good as all his stuff .

and it's a new list .

ohhhhhhh .

chris's name is on it .

and it's the list of KO .

kevin beats the shit out of chris and his art .

this is honestly making me sad ;.; .

such a beautiful relationship, ruined forever .

well, if they wanted to reaffirm kevin's heel status, there they go .

and apron powerbomb .

the death knell on this beautiful beautiful angle .

but then, it's a great setup for owens/jericho at mania .

which i'm looking forward to .

smashes chris into the festival of friendship sign, which shatters impressively .

walks out of the ring, casually pushing the original guggenheim over, as referees tend to chris .

cut to ads as we all console our children .

chris is being stretchered off into an ambulance .

while cole talks about his emotional trauma .

all the announcers are unified in their shock and dismay .

but now we have to do another segment, so everybody cheer up .

and now we have something with anderson and gallows .

but we're all too depressed to care .

okay, no .

apparently we're having cesaro/enzo .

so first we have enzo offering his analysis of cesaro .

consisting mostly of switzerland and baywatch puns .

the two are linked in context, i promise .

enter cesaro, who gets a longer section of his entrance than usual before sheamus joins him .

i love these two together way more than i ever thought i would .

corey is pissed that he has to watch enzo after the traumatic events of the last segment .

cesaro throws enzo into the ropes, he stumbles a bit, then goes fuck it and throws himself over them .

don't worry zo, nobody saw .

cesaro is fucking enzo up, and the crowd love it .

cole points out the siiiiiiiiign .

enzo hits a shitty ddt, cesaro briefly sells it before getting bored and uppercutting his head off .

not a finisher we've seen him use for a little while .

well, that was certainly a comedown segment .

but now, the black history month segment .

which today is about rosa parks .

who was also not at wrestlemania .

i want one of these superstars to say "Nevertheless, she persisted." .

didn't happen .

ah well .

next up, it's main event time .

but first, charlotte mocks sasha backstage .

and says she should be fired for getting injured and destroying morale .

cue trashtalk exchange .

and ads for next week .

oh great, we have braun/show .

what did we ever do to you, wwe .

(says the woman who writes a weekly blog taking the piss out of wwe) .

but now, it's women's title time .

i love that this is the main event .

bayley has a sparkly black jacket with the fringes on it, and i approve .

charlotte's dressing gown continues to get ever more elaborate .

billed as 'charlotte flair' again .

they really need to work out whether they're doing that or not .

this match is starting off slow, but we've got time .

and it's just showing off how good both of these are technically .

i do love people who can make mat-based chain wrestling fun .

bayley decides to get dangerous, proceeds by mashing charlotte's face into the turnbuckle .

between that and charlotte switching to her striker moveset, this is turning into quite the brawl .

and a surprising number of submission holds by charlotte .

including a weird leg trap neckbreaker hold i don't think i’ve ever seen before .

and an exposed knee drop, because she has to slowly adopt all her dad's moves .

ooh, and a dragon sleeper .

charlotte has just brought an entirely new moveset to this match .

bayley reverses out, gets an attack phase .

and gets kicked in the face for her trouble .

RAW Las Vegas: Where beauty and joy come to die. .

moonsault off the barricade onto a standing bayley's neck .

ow .

bayley is getting added to my 'please don't kill yourself for our amusement' list .

bayley gets an attack phase, then they both crossbody each other simultaneously .

bayley gets up first, fuelled by the rage of the unheard millions .

inverted exploder of RAGE .

springboard elbow drop, nearfall .

draping ddt because fuck it, bubbly hispanic girls can be randy orton .

nearly falls off the top turnbuckle on her way to a top rope elbow drop .

has the grace to smirk at the fans about it .

these two are just giving it eveyrthing .

beautiful avalanche hurricanrana by bayley, nearfall .

and dana fucking brooke appears .

bayley coldcocks her off the apron, locks the shitting figure four on charlotte .

so dana rakes her eyes to break it .

charlotte gets a figure eight .

and sasha appears to hit dana with a crutch and then hit charlotte in the face too .

bayley to belly .

and the pin .

and bayley finally gets her belt .

between this, naomi, and bray, this mania season is the season of recognising hard work .

everyone cries .

i may be one of these people .

eh, we'll take it out in post .

bayley is beaming, laughing, and jumpng the barricade to hug fans .

she is our champion .

now that was a hell of a match, only enhanced by the narrative .

the crowd are so fucking pumped .

they may never give her back .

the camera is having trouble finding her in the crowd .

the refs have hustled her back into the ring before she gets touched by too many people .

and we fade on her in the ring, having the time of her life .

RAW Las Vegas: Bittersweet, like slightly suspect dessert wine. .

but we can't let it end there .

(because hisorically, it didn't, and all) .

because speaking of hardworking superstars who deserve belts, in the aftermath of Elimination Chamber 2017: Where Everything Was Shit Until Suddenly It Wasn't, we have MONDAY AFTERNOON RAW! .

(yeah, we snuck a weekend-long cut in there somewhere and none of you noticed) .

(good work, daniel) .

(i'll get you taken off the list) .

opening with recaps of chamber, which was often disappointing but overall pretty good .

including the moment when cena went down and the entire world went holy shit .

and we open the actual show on bray entering .

with his lantern light nicely catching off his shiny new belt .

but without his family .

</3 .

but to be fair, bray clearly follows a "i will give you victory if you kill your sons" kind of god .

apparently we're having a title rematch tonight .

and if cena retakes it, i'm done with this shit .

you deserve it chants bring the house down .

bray has a speech about how sister abigail revealed his long road to victory to him .

and how he finally has the whole world in his hands .

...well played .

this is surreal and amazing .

bray will lead us to paradise .

which is nice .

bray announces the era of wyatt and hellfire for his foes, crowd cheer rapturously .

which i'm not sure should be the reaction to that kind of pronouncement .

so here's cena to save us from the devil .

and the lights come up, allowing us all to appreciate bray's new spiky leather jacket .

cena starts off by magnanimously acknowledging bray's win .

calls the crowd brainwashed for saying bray deserves it .

fuck off, john .

and gets a whole thing about how you have to earn shit and bray somehow hasn't done that .

cena proposes they have a match right now .

so here comes aj styles, who's totally involved .

protip, dude: we don't want none .

aj thinks cena shouldn't get a rematch before him for some reason .

he apparently objects to the idea of queue-jumping .

although how aj gets a rematch for a belt he didn't have in the first place is kind of beyond me .

but he wants a rematch right now as well .

well this is awkward .

here comes daniel bryan to resolve the double booking .

opens by congratulating bray again, because we need to constantly remind ourselves that bray winning a belt actually happened .

according to bryan, we have a conundrum .

luckily, there was a super obvious way to resolve it .

so he's done that .

later tonight, triple threat title match, which bray will probably win by dredging up some family .

also tonight, we have becky/mickie again .

and naomi does an undefined thing .

but now, american alpha are great .

walking moodily down a corridor .

very brief vignette of dean stomping through backstage looking for baron .

not sure why that needed to be there .

the editing on smackdown is so avant-garde .

or possibly shit .

hard to tell sometimes .

so now we have alpha/ascension .

so it's time to see whether we're actually going to make this ascension push a thing or not .

they're getting an entrance, at least .

they've tweaked viktor's paint again .

one day, they'll find something they like .

or they won't and they'll keep changing his look until one day he gets paired up with an irritating rapper and fades into obscurity .

could go either way, really .

alpha's gear detailing is now green tiger-print, which i'm not sure i can support .

think of the green tigers .

they're making a whole thing of the ascension stopping to talk strategy, which is honestly pretty great to see .

makes this make sense .

rather than just expecting every teamto be as telepathic and/or perfectly synchronised as #DIY .

speaking of which, after a brief brawl, jordan and gable just simultaneously clotheslined both of the ascension while jumping off the same turnbuckle .

they are the true power couple of wrestling .

the ascension are getting a really good fight in here .

it's like we're suddenly back on nxt .

jason takes his top off, sets up for grand amplitude, but gets bullfought into the ring post while the ascension beat some crap out of chad .

but still, couple of spots later, chad erupts out of nowhere to finish a beautiful grand amplitude on viktor for the pin .

cut to a video of the usos mocking alpha .

so much for that ascension push, i guess .

only space for one tag team story on this show .

the usos basically promise to hunt and kill jordan and gable .

but now, ellsworth and carmella .

he invites her out for a valentine's dinner, she wants to keep it professional .

dean appears to hunt baron, pauses to tell ellsworth that carmella's exploiting him .

daniel bryan appears to resolve the issue .

is like hmmmm baron's not here right now, but you clearly need to fight .

how about this dude? .

dean likes this arrangement, ellsworth is less impressed .

another segment about teddy long, jbl shouts holla a lot while being the oldest, richest, whitest, old rich white guy .

carmella enters, with ellsworth announcing her .

let's be honest, he's not bad on the mic .

but this is the dean match, so apparently introducing his meal ticket is actually his entrance .

dean's music kicks, long beat, baron walks out dragging dean behind him .

cue those two fighting on the stage .

deep six through a pair of tables, destroying something in a satisfying shower of sparks .

black tablecloths cover dean, making it look like baron's dumped him through the floor into the waiting maw of hell .

sombre announcers segue to another thing, ellsworth and carmella presumably slink off .

because now we're talking about nikki/nattie .

and how, as they keep pointing out, nothing was resolved as chamber .

which they're trying to spin as being plot in itself .

pan out to bryan and nikki watching the footgae from chamber and bryan complaining at her .

and here's nattie to complain some more .

bryan apparently has a solution, but they're arguing over him .

cue a fight which apparently numerous security guys cannot split up .

finally, a pissed bryan announces that if they're going to pull this shit, they can have an FCA match next week .

this pleases your genial host greatly .

it's like my favourite match type .

and we get them maybe twice a year these days .

but now dasha is backstage with baron and his ugly moustache .

who is very forthcoming about the fact that he's pissed because he didn't win chamber so he murdered dean .

i think they're going to try and make "Because Baron Corbin." into a thing .

seems like the kind of thing they'd catchphrase .

and now, renee is in the blue curtain room with dolph .

and shockingly, i love her jacket .

dolph is like hey, i despise the new generation of wrestlers for trying to upstage me, so i'mma kill them all kthx .

good to know, i guess .

but now it's time for lynch/james again .

becky gives a girl in the crowd her goggles, makes her day .

and now here comes mickie, with her entrance music by Phoni Oregano .

clip of chamber's talking smack, where mickie (somehow glam as fuck immediately after a ppv), criticises young entitled wrestlers who don't respect her .

i'm spotting a running theme here .

also, apparently the new generation get to, quote, "ride a golden horse around" .

which i'm not sure is something anyone has ever said, or, indeed, done .

it's like she's getting her lines supplied by bad contestants on Catchprase .

it's good, mickie, but it's not right .

and she wants the current generation to respect past women's wrestlers as well .

not just her .

sure, mickie .

you keep telling yourself that .

jbl makes a forced reference to otunga being married to jennifer hudson, take a shot of something stronger than expected in the middle of the day, then go back to work like nobody noticed .

the ref is trying to stop these two fighting, and it's unclear why .

like, i thought that was the point .

i still like mickie's flares/knockoff Star Sapphire gear, and i'm fully aware of what a terrible person that makes me .

i love the strategy behind becky's moveset, which is, when presented with every situation, to think "how can i go from this to dislocating her shoulder?" .

both clothesline each other outside the ring .

apparently in the ad break just then, we missed becky trying to missile dropkick a ghost .

jbl tries to related becky winning matches to the Six Nations, take a shot of a foreign drink you don't quite understand .

that flapjack from mickie is still a good move .

like, it's the mark of a good signature move when you can do a basic move .

people do all the time and make it look good .

mickie is doing the whole rolling around going OW MY SHOULDER thing .

referee calls for a medic without throwing x's, we're all reassured .

and uses the distraction for a mick kick for the pin .

okay, that was really good .

mickie swaggers off while becky sits against the ropes smiling like okay, i maybe deserved that and you're a bitch .

up next, naomi does a thing, but first, let's talk about the upcoming andre doc .

which is hard, given that pretty much all they can say about it is "it's going to happen" .

cut back to the ring and naomi's there with renee .

i feel cheated of an entrance .

you deserve it chants briefly drown renee out .

wait .

apparently naomi's injured off that match? .

fuck off .

but she doesn't care, because wrestlers .

in breaks alexa .

this camera shot finally shows naomi's knee brace, so we have more details than 'an injury' .

alexa is here to mock .

renee disappears immediately .

apparently naomi imagined her injury because she can't beat alexa .

nobody condescend quite like alexa .

naomi does not care for her shit .

alexa's magnanimously giving naomi a week before their rematch .

and walks off, managing to walk backwards up a ramp while feigning a sarcastic knee injury .

that's probably a lot harder than it sounds .

but next, main eventing .

after a black history month thing with a quote from mandela .

and a push for 205 with tjp .

who gets a lot of boos .

we certainly have a rowdy crowd tonight .

but yes .

big match time .

so enter first BIG MATCH JOHN .

to shout at the crowd and cameraman .

loud man, that one .

now aj, who is still asking to be introduced as the face who runs the place .

brief wolfpac hands .

acknowledge your roots, styles .

side note: have they deliberately put the three catchiest entrance themes in the same match? .

john cena sucks/they don't want none/catching flies .

my ears appreciate this .

lights cut back on, luke harper is RIGHT FUCKING THERE .

and just unloads on bray .

this is still weird to see .

lands a brutal superkick .

cena and styles stood in the ring like dude, that's our job .

cut to ads, and we're doing the thing anyway .

currently consisting of cena and styles fighting while bray lies on the outside .

oh hey, he's back .

interrupts cena's five moves to pull him outside and put him through the steps .

only to take a plancha from styles .

okay, this match is pretty damn strong already .

styles drops a lovely diving forearm on bray, who has just decided to stop selling today .

cena makes it in, crossbody, crossbody, back drop, 5ks .

bray counters an aa into the start of sister abigail, only for aj to fly in from out of frame to fuck him up .

and get an aa himself, but kickout .

aj styles does not care for your physics .

bray does a spiderwalk into sister abigail on cena, aj breaks it up .

cut to ads, come back to aj trying to put bray through an unexpectedly resilient announce table .

so he elbow drops him through it from the barricade .

wow .

it's so nice to see bray getting proper main event matches .

aj goes for a phenomenal forearm, cena counters into an aa, goes for another but aj counters into a calf crusher .

which always makes me wince, but i have leg trouble .

cena fights out, turns it into an stf .

until bray sentons onto them both .

this is a hell of a thing .

bray throws aj out, goes for sister abigail, takes an aa, kicks out .

i swear, the aa is such a victim of power creep these days .

aj takes the moment to styles clash cena, who also kicks out .

speaking of power creep .

in other promotions, that move was like getting a boltgun to the head .

now it's a glorified transition move .

aj goes for a phenomenal forearm, cena pushes him off the ropes, sister abigail to cena for the win .

actually a clean win .

i was not expecting that .

it's almost like they're giving him (gasp) an actual singles push .

but yeah, that match was great .

by any objective metric, it was a 100mph spotfest, but those three have enough spots to support that .

bray does his kneeling in the spotlight thing, interrupted by randy's music .

let's address this elephant .

randy walks slooooooooowly to the ring .

much glowering occurs .

in both directions .

fuck, why does randy have a mic .

who provided it .

but first, let's glower at each other some more .

it's unclear where this is going .

huh .

randy is refusing to fight bray as long as he is his master .

and pledging his undying loyalty .

welp, this isn't where i thought they'd take this .

randy kneels for his lord, is told he has 'the keys to the kingdom', then they both .

pose as the lights go down, music hits and the show ends .

the fuck was that ending .

when did smackdown get esoteric .

what, is our bold new direction going to be 'wrestling, but, like, if Jodorowsky did it'? .

i mean, i'm on board with that, it just wasn't what i expected .

i think we're officially through the looking glass here, people

#WWE #wwe smackdown #WWE Raw #Wrestling

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softly-speaking-valkyrie · 5 years ago

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Want To Know What Bad Mental Health Looks Like For Bisexual People?

You wanna know what it is to live with people who don’t see your sexuality as real?

You wanna know what it is to live with people who think you settled for being ‘straight’ when you date someone who looks the opposite gender?

You wanna know what how bad it is when those people are your parents?

Alright then, buckeroo, I’ll fucking tell ya. And when I’m finished, and you’ve read this, don’t ever fucking think that bisexual people don’t suffer another layer of discrimination and ridiculous trauma that the other queers don’t have to suffer.

I’m a pre-transition transgender woman who is bisexual (has known for 6 years) and is currently dating a pre-op transgender man.

So to the outside uninformed world, I look like a dude just dating his girlfriend. And in case you need clarification, I’m not.

In the summer of 2017 after splitting up with my previous ex-girlfriend and following the worst argument with my drunken mother and father (back when they both used to drink) I came out to both of them as a bisexual, after confiding in both my grandparents who were incredibly more accepting than both of them combined.

My parents were both, and still are both, typical conservative and right-wing thinking people who make homophobic remarks at times, don’t really ‘agree’ with people being transgender and transitioning, and have never been accepting of queer people in general. Yes, I still told them, still came out and tried to explain everything. They’re the kind of people who would say they can’t be homophobic because their friend is gay. But nevertheless, I told them I was bisexual.

Immediately my mother announced her views that bisexuality was not a thing at all, that I was going through a phase of thinking I still liked girls and that I was secretly gay and would eventually come out as gay (remember, they don’t know I’m trans, and I can never tell them following this) and date men exclusively. I told them I had slept with a man before getting with my ex (at the time) and that I still liked men equivalently to women. My mum still was not having anything of what I was saying. It was still a phase, or I was confused, or the typical bullshit ignorant fuckery parents and assholes spout because they’re too fucking stupid to listen to the people who are talking about it. No, she was right and I was wrong. Soon, I’d realise I was straight and it was a phase, or I would realise it was gay.

The next thing she said was that no matter what I shouldn’t be telling anyone else about it, because it would then spread around the whole area we live in and everyone would be talking about them and how they had a gay son.

Yeah, you read that right. My mum was purely, exclusively and only concerned with how this was going to affect her and her precious family dynamic. On that note of ‘family’ - my Dad had cheated on her sloppily and she forgave him and took him back, they’re raising my currently 7-year-old brother to be just like they are, they hate everyone around the area, don’t go out and neither currently speak to either of their parents. So, y’know *Vin Deisel’s voice* ‘Family’.

Oh, and if you’re wondering what my Dad thought on the subject of my being bisexual, he didn’t have an opinion. And given that he spends all day working or playing stupid mobile games that aren’t Pokemon GO, had cheated on my Mum when said brother was only 3, and is an all-around baby boomer ape, I saw that as a positive.

But I digress.

Skip forward to this time last year, late June of 2018, and I reconnected with an old friend who is my current partner (the transman I mentioned at the beginning), and we fairly quickly got together. My mum was really happy, like really happy, because she’d seen my previous two exes and how fucking maniacal and psychotic they both were and deemed this new ‘girlfriend’ as a good influence on me. We hadn’t really talked about me being bisexual at all in the year that had passed, and I’d never brought a man home because of course I fucking couldn’t, but I’d just been the same me as always. So when I brought ‘her’ home, my mum must have... you guessed it - “Oh yes! He’s straight!” Because remember, adults know fucking everything and if you haven’t brought a member of the same sex home to meet the family even though they don’t want you to, then goddamn it, you’re as straight as a ruler buckeroo.

So now we’ll skip ahead to say this year, 2019, and I’ve been slowly trying to influence the family into being more accepting of other people, other cultures, and other identities. I’m being a little harsh about it because, I’m a sarcastic fuck and cannot stand ignorance, which is really ironic when both parents think I’m ignorant myself. They really like that word ‘ignorant’, which makes this cautionary tale down-right Oscar worthy. Anyway; I have a rainbow flag in my room at this point, which my Mum also put away/tried to hide from me at one point. Not only that but I have a bisexual flag pin, a rainbow flag Valkyrie pin, and a rainbow Royal Post Box pin all on my leather jacket (because being futch is beautiful) and as well as that I have rainbow suspenders. It’s pretty obvious as well from my room and all that I do, that I’m a feminist and I really really really love and cherish women. I’ve dropped hints about queer culture as well over that year gap, but my Mum is starting to get really annoyed at how ‘progressive’ I’m being around the house. She’s taking offence to how much I’m championing women’s rights, queer’s rights and people of colour’s rights, especially when we both watch The View and talk about all the horrible injustices happening in America and around the world on marginalised people.

Then, she starts to watch Gentleman Jack (and I’m actually embarrassed to say she’s watched it all and I haven’t even started because I’ve been writing my book lately), which really fucking surprised me given at how sapphic it is.

And then we get to today’s football match of the Women’s World Cup. England vs Cameroon and I had watched most of the game at work but got home as the second half came to a close. And here’s where you’ll find out just who my mother is.

Mother: Look at the ref, he can’t even keep them under control! Me: Mum, she’s a woman. You can’t have a male referee in a women’s football game. Mother: What? Look at it! It’s got no tits, it’s a man! Me: Have you seen what a sports bra is? Mum, you can’t have a male ref for a women’s game! It wouldn’t be right! Mother: Well the managers are men! Seriously, look at it! Look at it! It’s a man! Its got no tits and look at its face! It’s a man!

A small loud-voiced debate ensues because my little brother starts copying my Mum and claims the referee is a man or a male. I keep saying she’s a woman, because not only is she that just by looking at her, the goddamn announcers said she was. Moreover, I was just trying to correct my Mum from using ‘it’ as a way to describe a person. I even told her outright you shouldn’t use ‘it’ when talking about a person or someone you don’t know.

Having none of it, my mother kicked off louder than a steam engine at me. After about a minute of me and Dad talking about how good the match was to watch and how Women’s Football is amazing to see, my Mum starts to hurl abuse at me and points the finger, even so far as I was fearful to get beaten. And I have been before, even at 22. But this is not me saying I get routinely beaten, nor am I saying that my experiences are the worst kind and that I suffer more than any other queer. That is not what I’m saying nor insinuating. I’m only telling you what I get and why other queers might not get this verbal and emotional abuse for the same reasons, and here’s why.

Mother: I am sick of you fucking having a go at me for all the gay shit! You’re not the only one who supports the gays! You’re not the only one! No one is allowed to have an opinion around you are they! Not when it comes to this gay shit are they? Fuck off! You’re horrible! You’re a horrible little fucker just because you support the gays! Well you’re not the only one! You think you fucking know me! Yeah well you don’t know me as well as you fucking think you do!

For the record, once again. I came out in 2017 as bisexual, and my Mum thought it was a phase and that I was confused.

And some more disclaimers - this isn’t the only case of this shit, and there’s worse that I don’t want to put in here. I’m only writing this because it literally just happened. But this is why queers of other sexualities might not get this. Ace people and pan people would get this too, and we can all attest to the fucking fury and hurt it instills.

Even after coming out, I’m still considered straight.

EVEN AFTER COMING OUT, I’M STILL CONSIDERED TO BE STRAIGHT.

And not only that, I’m fucking punished for not acting straight. Even after coming out, and affirming for two years that I’m not, I’m still considered straight and punished and seen as lesser for not acting it. What the fuck?

And yeah, I realise now just how stupid it is writing this, but adults are fucking horrible and this is what it’s like.

I actually wish these people were not my parents and were just dead. It would be easier. Or maybe if I was just dead it would be easier for the world as a whole? Can’t even tell anymore.

Who cares? No one cares. Sorry for making this. But this is what shitty mental health looks like.

I fucking hate this world.

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thrashermaxey · 6 years ago

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Ramblings: Hakstol on Hot Seat, Barkov Getting Noticed (Dec 16)

For starters, here’s a few updates on some injured defensemen:

Oscar Klefbom will need surgery on his injured finger, which will result in him being sidelined for another 6 to 8 weeks. Klefbom has already missed the past two games and left the previous game early. In Klefbom’s absence, Darnell Nurse has seen a major spike in usage with icetime totals of 30:44, 31:04, and 27:50 over the past three games. Nurse has taken full advantage of the increased deployment with five points (2g-3a) over his last three games and also has eight points (3g-5a) over his last six games. Nurse is still unowned in just over half of Yahoo leagues.

Matt Dumba left Saturday’s game late in the first period with an injury. Possibly related to the injury, Dumba fought Matthew Tkachuk early in the first period. Jared Spurgeon stepped up on Dumba’s absence, playing a season-high 29:20 in this game. Spurgeon’s icetime and power-play time would stand to increase if Dumba misses time.

Kris Letang missed Saturday’s game after leaving Friday’s game with a lower-body injury. Letang owners should breathe a sigh of relief, as this injury sounds more day-to-day than anything. His status for next week should remain up in the air, though. Olli Maata logged first-unit power-play minutes for the Penguins and was able to record a power-play assist on Phil Kessel’s overtime winner against the Kings. Maatta also led all players in this game with five blocked shots.

Mike Green has been placed on IR and is expected to miss the next 3 to 5 weeks with a lower-body injury. With Green out of the lineup, Trevor Daley logged a season-high 25:57 on Saturday against the Islanders and scored his first goal since November 1.

If your league is one of the few that counts shorthanded goals, Mark Giordano will have helped you win that category this week. Gio scored his second shorthanded goal in as many games on Saturday, giving him a four-game point streak in which he has lit it up for nine points. After back-to-back sub-40 point seasons, his point-per-game performance has to count as one of the season’s biggest surprises. The Flames’ offense may have something to do with that, as the team’s offense has improved from 2.63 GF/GP last season to 3.48 GF/GP this season.

Aleksander Barkov is widely considered one of the NHL’s most underrated players. Maybe that will change after he posted a hat trick on Hockey Night in Canada against the Toronto Maple Leafs. Barkov also stuffed a couple of other categories, firing seven shots on goal while logging an insane (for a forward) 27:42. Barkov leads all forwards with an average of 23:13 in icetime. With a point-per-game average dating back to last season, don’t expect his icetime to decrease anytime soon.

Fantasy owners would have also been watching for the season debut of Henrik Borgstrom, who was just recalled from the AHL. Borgstrom was inserted into a scoring role, centering a line with Evgenii Dadonov and Frank Vatrano. He was held without a point in 12 minutes of icetime, but he did see some second-unit power-play time. Keep expectations tempered for Borgstrom this season, but keeper leaguers should no doubt target him (Dobber Prospects profile here). He recorded 22 points in 24 games in the AHL this season.

With Mitch Marner adding to his legend in Toronto, it might be hard to believe that he scored his first goal in 14 games on Saturday. Then to make up for lost time, he scored his second to tie the game late in the third period. Marner sits third in the NHL with 35 assists and appears set to smash his career high in that category (47), set last season.

Alex Ovechkin didn’t record another hat trick on Saturday. But he did score another goal (his 29th) while taking eight shots on goal and logging 25:34 in icetime. He’s currently riding a 14-game point streak – see the details below. The goal total alone is amazing.

In a losing cause for the Sabres, Rasmus Dahlin scored a goal and added two assists. Dahlin had been held without a point in his previous seven games, so this very up-and-down type of production shouldn’t be that surprising from an 18 year old with this much potential.

By the time you read this, I might already be writing about a Flyers’ coaching change. Or else one of us here will be soon. If Dave Hakstol does lose his job by the time the Flyers arrive home from their road trip, he can rightfully say that the team’s goaltending situation didn’t do him any favors. The Flyers allowed three goals to the Canucks in the first 11 minutes, with Anthony Stolarz departing after the second goal with a lower-body injury. Even though I could probably use another goalie on one or two of my teams, I’m steering clear from the Flyers’ current goalie situation completely.

Before you get excited about a Carter Hart callup, note that he is still getting used to the AHL (2.98 GAA, .903 SV%). For the sake of Hart’s long-term confidence, it’s probably best not to bring him into a situation as volatile as what the Flyers have going on.

Hakstol won’t be able to say he’s been able to rely on Shayne Gostisbehere either. Ghost simply isn’t going to come anywhere close to his 65 points from last season. For a player who fires a ton of shots from the point on the power play (without them necessarily reaching the net), he has completely dried up with no goals over his last 15 games and counting. His minus-18 further deflates his value.

In case you’re thinking that this is a perfect opportunity to try Ivan Provorov on PP1, he has struggled himself this season as well (11 points in 31 games, a similar total to Ghost). We’ll have to keep an eye on how a potential coaching change could affect the fantasy values of these two blueliners. It can’t really make things any worse, as the Flyers have just one power-play goal over their last 11 games.

If you have been daring enough to start Jacob Markstrom, you’ll be happy to know that his win against the Flyers was his fourth consecutive win. With some recent fine play, Markstrom has a 1.75 GAA and .942 SV% over that four-game stretch. If the Canucks start Markstrom about two of every three games, then he will probably be at his most effective. He won’t start any more games than that if the Canucks decide to give Anders Nilsson showcase starts with the intent of trading him (to make room for Thatcher Demko).

This picture was from the Elias Pettersson After Hours interview on Hockey Night in Canada:

Yeah, but can Elias Pettersson score a goal while doing this? pic.twitter.com/RtqJ6EslxP

— Ian Gooding (@Ian_Gooding) December 16, 2018

Even though Daniel Sprong is only 21, it seemed like we had waited an eternity for him to find his way onto the Pittsburgh Penguins and make an impact playing on a line with one or more of their big guns. That won’t happen, but it doesn’t mean that it’s time to give up on him. Now in a situation with a team that really needs him, Sprong has scored three goals in five games as a Duck, including both of their goals on Saturday. His icetime is also up over six minutes per game to 14 minutes, which tells you how little he had been playing in Pittsburgh.

Goal called off after Artturi Lehkonen is called for embellishment on this play. Thoughts?#HockeyNight pic.twitter.com/dVoNK5wyL5

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) December 16, 2018

I think the embellishment makes the goal even more amazing. Not that the call made a difference in the outcome, though. This goal would have given Artturi Lehkonen a three-point night. But yeah, don’t embarrass the refs, I guess.

I decided to move on from Thomas Vanek about a week ago in a deeper league, so it figures that he would score a goal and add two assists on Saturday. The goal was his first in nine games. If you feel so inclined to add or keep Vanek, he’s been playing on a line with Andreas Athanasiou and Frans Nielsen.

I kind of figured that a matchup between the Stars and Avalanche would turn into a high-scoring affair, and it didn’t disappoint if that’s what you were hoping for. Nathan MacKinnon (1g-3a) and Mikko Rantanen (2g-1a) extended their leads in the NHL scoring race, combining for seven points in an eventual 6-4 win over the Stars. I went to see the Avalanche play live two seasons ago in that dreadful 2016-17 season when the Avs finished with 48 points – it was literally the easiest ticket in town. MacKinnon finished the season with 53 points, while Rantanen reached 38 points. Look how far they’ve come since then.

#Avs Rantanen has 27 points (eight goals, 19 assists) in a 14-game point streak. MacKinnon has nine points (two goals, seven assists) in a five-game streak.

— Rick Sadowski (@RickS7) December 16, 2018

In a losing effort, Tyler Seguin scored two goals and added an assist. Seguin slumped during the early part of December with no points over a four-game stretch, but he appears to be back on track.

For more fantasy hockey information, you can follow me on Twitter @Ian_Gooding.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-hakstol-on-hot-seat-barkov-getting-noticed-dec-16/

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