#I think just writing this helped me get to where I am now at this more healed and rounded point | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

geminiwritten · 3 days ago

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desperate measures ; bucky barnes

fandom: marvel

pairing: bucky x reader

summary: based on this song but a little more angsty than i had originally planned (the avengers are struggling to infiltrate an underground crime ring and decide that bucky should go undercover to seduce one of the kingpins' daughters, and you aren't happy about it)

notes: bucky is back, baby!!! but i fear i may have forgotten how to write him? i don't know, i had big plans and then feel like i really struggled toward the end, but i persevered! let me know what you think, please!!!

word count: 6329

The Avengers have protected the entire world against aliens, robots, and superhumans. They’ve defended continents and countries, defeating threats that should have been impossible to beat. So, you would think that taking down one of New York City’s biggest underground crime ring would be a piece of cake, right? Wrong.

It’s been four months since representatives of the Attorney General's office and the FBI’s Deputy Director came knocking, asking Earth’s Mightiest Heroes for help on a matter that would normally be handled by detectives. Steve and Tony were hesitant at first, but Natasha and Clint convinced them that with their espionage backgrounds, this would be an easy assignment for the team. Also, wrong.

Four months of reconnaissance, undercover work, and meeting after meeting with agents from the Bureau but still nothing. There are suspects, crimes, and witnesses, but the operation is so tightly run that no one on the outside has any information on how the puzzle pieces fit together.

“We need to get inside,” Clint says, resting his palms on the glass tabletop and shifting all of his weight forward. He is standing at the head of the table in front of the interactive display flashing through numerous headshots of mean-looking thugs.

“We know that much,” Steve sighs, sitting beside where Clint is standing. “What we don’t know is how.”

Everyone looks defeated and bored, because you’ve been having the same meeting every week for the last fifteen weeks with almost no new intel to discuss. After the first month, you started tuning out, instead using the two hours to daydream about the brunette super solider sitting across from you.

You’re not sure when you fell in love with Bucky Barnes, all you do know is that you are in love with him, but he doesn’t need to know that. Not that you’re at all subtle with the way your eyes trace his features, cheeks turning pink when he meets your gaze with a little smirk.

If you��re being completely honest, you’ve both been dancing around your feelings for each other for months. You’re constantly with each other, talking and giggling, working out together and finishing mission reports together; practically inseparable, but always being careful. You’re too scared to cross that line, because neither of you want to put that kind of pressure on the team or leave yourselves vulnerable to heartbreak.

Physical pain, you can do, but you’ve let yourself fall so hard and fast for this man, you can’t imagine surviving the impact when you hit the bottom, so you’ll just keep falling.

“I have an idea,” Nat says, standing abruptly and walking quickly around the table toward Clint. She uses her fingertips to enlarge one of the holographic images, the Petrov family portrait. “Sasha Petrov,” she points at the eldest daughter, “she’s a weak link, we can exploit that.”

You scan the stoic faces of the Russian family now on display. The Petrovs are allegedly one of the two ruling families of the crime syndicate, led by their patriarch, Alexander Petrov; a man the FBI would do anything to pin down.

“Holy shit,” Tony smacks both hands against the table, “Romanoff, you’re a genius.”

“Wait,” Steve frowns, “what am I missing?”

“Sources report that twenty-four-year-old Sasha Petrov is outgrowing her family's conservative lifestyle,” Nat reads from the tablet in her hands, “she has been photographed at various nightclubs and house parties, clearly unbothered about keeping a low profile.”

“So?” Steve asks, “What credibility does some tabloid article have?”

“Our sources are reporting the same behaviour,” Tony says. “She’s out almost every night, she’s been seen staying at friends’ houses, and missing events.”

“The Petrovs are one of New York City’s wealthiest families,” Nat explains, “for their eldest daughter to skip society events is a huge statement.”

“She’s rebelling,” Tony states.

Steve nods slowly, “So, she’s a liability, but how to we exploit that?”

Tony’s lips curl into a mischievous smile, “What is the number one act of rebellion that a daughter can do to piss off her father?”

“Date a guy he hates,” you reply before anyone else does.

“Exactly,” Tony turns toward you, “bonus points if you can tell me why daddy hates your new boyfriend.”

“He’s older, has long hair, only wears black, probably has a tattoo, and he rides a motorcycle,” you respond, sitting back in your chair with a proud smirk.

“Exactly!” Tony repeats louder.

It’s almost as if a lightbulb flashes above Steve’s head, but he doesn’t look nearly as pleased as Natasha and Tony. “Bucky,” Steve says, “Bucky is your idea?”

Nat nods, “Barnes is our weapon.”

Clint’s eyes grow wide, “Wait, you want to use Barnes to seduce the mobster heiress?”

Your heart sinks right down into your stomach, your gaze moving back over to the Petrov family portrait. The eldest daughter is tall and gorgeous, with long blonde hair, flawless fair skin, and honey-coloured eyes. Her lips are full and puckered, and all you can think about is those lips on Bucky.

“No,” you speak before you can think, quickly looking toward Steve for backup.

He nods once in agreeance, “Y/N’s right, I’m not sure Bucky can-”

“I can do it,” Bucky interrupts. He doesn’t look shocked or at all blinded-sided the way you know you do. He seems calm, leaning back in his seat with his left ankle resting on his right knee and his hands fidgeting with a pen in his lap.

Bile rises in your throat. He wants to do it? You know you haven’t exactly been forthcoming about your feelings for him, but you had yourself reasonably convinced that he felt the same way.

Sam chuckles, breaking the tension in the room, “You’re going to turn Barnes into a heartthrob?”

Bucky cracks a smile, “Just a bit of minor surgery.”

“Actually,” Nat says, “I think you’re already perfectly ready for this assignment.”

Tony holds up a finger, “Do you have a tattoo, and if not, are you willing to get one?”

“No one is getting any tattoos,” Steve interjects, “but if we are doing this – if we’re sending Bucky in solo – we need to plan it carefully.”

Your eyes dart back to the gorgeous blonde in the family portrait behind Nat, and you feel sick. You completely tune out of the conversation happening around you and sink back in your chair to focus on keeping your lunch down. Your mind races to come up with some brilliant excuse that could stop Bucky from doing this, but the only thing you can think to say is I love you, please don’t.

After barely a minute of listening to them discuss how to get the mobster’s daughter to fall in love with Bucky, you decide you can’t do it. You push your chair back and quickly leave the room, slipping out the door before anyone can protest your departure.

Once in the hallway, you slow your steps and let a couple of tears run down your cheeks. You feel stupid, of course, but you can’t help it. You know you shouldn’t be this emotional, Bucky will only be doing his job, but he’s supposed to be yours. You don’t want anyone else seeing him the way you see him or touching him the way you want to. If the plan works, this woman might genuinely fall for Bucky, and the idea of that makes you want to kick and scream.

“Y/N,” Tony’s voice echoes down the hall, startling you.

You keep your back to him as you hurriedly wipe your cheeks. His footsteps grow louder as he approaches, not saying anything until he’s right behind you. “You alright?” he asks.

You nod, turning to face him with your eyes cast downward, “Yeah, sorry, just-”

“Don’t bother,” he puts a hand on your shoulder, “I’m not stupid, and neither is Barnes. I know you’re worried about whatever is going on between you two, but this is work, and it’s the closest we’ve gotten in four months. It might not be ideal to send one man in alone, but desperate times call for desperate measures.”

You finally look up at him and sniffle, “I know, I just don’t like it.”

He sighs and pulls you against his chest, hugging you tightly for a moment. “If you don’t like it,” he says before stepping back, “then stop crying and do something about it once this is all over.”

Your brow creases and you look up at him curiously, “Do what?”

He shrugs, “You’ll figure it out.”

You watch him walk back down the hallway and return to the meeting room, but you can’t find the will to force yourself to follow. Instead, you turn around and continue on your way back to your room.

Two hours pass before you hear signs of life filtering through the compound once again. You’ve since changed into your comfiest pair of sweatpants and curled up on one of the lounges by the floor-to-ceiling windows in the common area, book in hand.

Sam and Steve are the first to appear, still deep in discussion as they head into the kitchen and begin raiding the fridge. Clint, Nat, and Wanda are next, also seemingly unfinished with their conversation as they take up residence on the lounges in front of the television. Only Nat notices you curled up near the window, offering you a smile that says ‘we’ll talk later’.

You manage to tune out most of their voices and focus on your book, reading quickly to try and get to the part where the main characters finally get together. You’ve been stuck on romance novels lately, craving that which you lack in real life.

“Hey,” Bucky startles you, suddenly appearing beside you.

You smack your hand against your chest, “Jesus.”

“Nope,” he chuckles, “just me.”

You roll your eyes and curl your legs up further to make room on the lounge. He takes the offer and flops down, half of his right leg covering your toes, but you don’t mind. In fact, you like the physical contact, however small.

“What are you reading now?” he asks, snatching the book from your grasp before you can object.

Your cheeks begin burn immediately, heart racing as you watch his eyes scan the pages that you’d just been reading. The smile on his lips slowly fades as his eyebrows rise, blue eyes darting from side to side until he finishes two entire pages.

“So, this is why you’ve always got your nose in a book, hm?” he asks, his own cheeks now a pale shade of pink.

You take the book back and jam your bookmark between the pages where the lead male is jerking off to fantasies of what he wants to do to the lead female. “It’s not all porn,” you defend yourself weakly, deciding not to add that this is one of your more PG-rated novels.

“I’m not judging,” he says, “we’ve all got needs.”

You want to agree wholeheartedly and tell him that you need him, and more importantly, you need him to not agree to this stupid mission with the supermodel Russian heiress, but you can’t. Instead, you simply nod and tuck your book between your thighs.

He clears his throat, “Anyway, I just wanted to check that you’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” you say, “just sick of those meetings.”

He frowns, “Are you sure?”

You open your mouth to lie again but hesitate, noticing the way his eyes dart toward your lips every few seconds. There’s nothing wrong with voicing your concerns about the assignment, right?

“I’m just not sure,” you finally say, “for a first effort, this feels kind of last ditch.”

“First effort?” he repeats with a chuckle. “This is far from our first effort, Doll.”

“I know,” you sigh, struggling to find the right words, “I guess it just feels a little drastic, sending you in alone. Couldn’t the FBI handle this?”

He rests his flesh hand on your knee, “I appreciate the concern, but I think I might be able handle this better than an FBI agent, and I speak Russian.”

The warmth of his touch and the fact that you can smell his coconut-scented shampoo is turning your brain to mush, and you struggle to remember your argument. All you want to do is throw your arms around his neck and beg him not to go.

He leans forward, “What are you really worried about?”

“You,” you reply, “I-I’m worried that you’re going in alone.”

He sighs and leans back, “You don’t need to worry about me, Doll, nothing is going to stop me from coming back to you.” He stands up from the lounge as he says, “I promise.”

You’re too shocked to speak, or even move, until he’s in the kitchen with Steve. You can feel your pulse in your ears, fast and loud as your heart pounds against your ribcage. Was he trying to get you to say something? Does he want you to cross that line?

You spend the rest of the afternoon finishing your book and then starting another. After a quick dinner with Natasha, you decide to have a bath and try to tame your thoughts, but it’s useless. All you can think about is Bucky, in fact, you ‘think about him’ twice while in the bath and end up getting out even more flustered than when you got in.

You lay on your bed in your towel for almost an hour, wondering whether you should go and confess your feelings to Bucky or just wait and let him do this assignment with a clear head. Nat told you at dinner that he will be going undercover for the first time tomorrow night, and that Clint and Tony are working overnight to prepare his fake identity in time.

Eventually, you decide that it’s too late and you shouldn’t bother him, so you put yourself to bed. You stare at the ceiling spiralling through thoughts for twenty minutes before picking your new book up again and by 3AM, you’ve finished it.

The night rolls into dawn, and you’re pretty sure you haven’t had more than thirty minutes of uninterrupted sleep. At 5AM, you decide that it isn’t too early to be making noise, so you change into your gym clothes and make your way downstairs. You work out for two hours before you see anyone else, and by then, you’re exhausted.

“Are you okay?” Natasha asks, standing in front of where you’re sitting on the blue foam floor mats.

You’re supposed to be stretching, but you’re fairly sure you were falling asleep right before she came in. “Yeah,” you mumble, “didn’t sleep much.”

“I can tell.” She sits beside you, “Are you really that worried?”

You sigh, “I don’t know.”

She places her towel and water bottle on the floor beside yours before sitting down opposite you, legs crossed. “You don’t know if you’re worried, or you don’t know what you’re worried about?”

“The second one,” you mutter.

She nods slowly, allowing a moment of silence before asking, “You don’t really think he’s going to fall in love with this woman, do you?”

You sigh and rub your tired eyes, “No, I don’t think so. I know he’s not stupid.”

“And you know he’s in love with you,” she states.

“Is he?”

She rolls her eyes as she uncrosses her legs, stretching them out either side and leaning forward slightly. “Don’t be dumb, you know he is.”

“Then why hasn’t he done anything about it?”

“It’s Bucky,” she says, as if the answer is obvious.

“So?”

“So, you need to make the move, because he’s being as forward as he knows how, but he hasn’t done this kind of thing in over seventy years.”

You frown at her, not because you’re confused, but because you’re annoyed that she’s right. Maybe you haven’t both been ‘dancing around’ your feelings, maybe Bucky has actually been trying to make a move but you’re the one keeping it friendly.

“But please wait until after we’ve put Petrov and his buddies behind bars,” she adds, “because we need Barnes to be focused.”

You sigh, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach, “How do we even know that this woman is going to fall for him?”

“Based on her previous relationships and assuming Barnes does everything I tell him to do, we shouldn’t have a problem,” Nat replies as she pushes up from the ground. She offers you a hand, “Now, please go get some sleep so you’re not crying your eyes out when we send him into the lion’s den tonight.”

You take Nat’s hand and collect your things before sluggishly making your way back to your room. After a quick shower, you fall into bed and out of consciousness in less than a minute, dreaming of nothing but that darn brunette super soldier.

Funnily enough, the name of the exclusive nightclub Bucky will be meeting Sasha Petrov in is called the Lion’s Den. It’s just south of Manhattan, somehow hidden from the busy streets and can only be found if you know exactly where to look for the entrance.

The whole team is working tonight. Wanda and Sam will be going into the club with Bucky so he doesn’t look like a complete loner, and as emergency backup in case anything should go wrong. Clint is the eye in the sky and Nat is patrolling the streets, looking out for anything suspicious since crime seems to follow the Petrov family around. That leaves you, Steve, and Tony set up in a nearby office building with all the surveillance technology to watch from afar.

“I just need to send word to the Deputy Director before you go in,” Tony says over the comms.

He has his tech set up at one of the desks closest to the window on the fourth floor of the office building. The FBI had assisted with securing this vantage point, shutting down the whole building for ‘overnight maintenance’ just in case any sad nine-to-fivers decided to sleep in their offices.

“We’ll take a little detour,” Sam says, his voice right in your ear even though you know he’s over a block away.

You’d all separated about two miles away from the club, taking different routes and transports to get to your respective posts. Bucky, Sam, and Wanda had decided to walk, giving the rest of you enough time to set up and be in position for whatever might happen when Bucky enters the club. He has very strict instructions from Natasha on how to approach Sasha. Apparently, they’d be practicing all day while you had been sleeping.

“How long until you’re at the door?” Nat’s voice comes through your comms.

“Eight minutes,” Wanda replies.

“Bucky, you good?” Nat asks.

“I’m good,” he says, the sound of his voice making your chest ache.

You can’t stop wringing your hands as you look out the huge window to the street below. There aren’t many people walking by, but the few that you do spot all seem to be heading in the same direction; the Lion’s Den.

The sound of your pounding heart thrums in your ears, drowning out the conversation between Bucky and Natasha as they recap everything that she’s told him to do. You're not sure you’ve ever felt this nervous in your life, but you’re not entirely sure what for. Nothing bad has happened yet, and Bucky is fully capable of defending himself if something does go wrong.

“Hey,” Steve’s voice breaks through the white noise that your anxious brain was creating, “are you okay?”

You turn to face him, “Yeah, sorry, I-”

“You’re really pale,” he says, pressing his hand to your forehead, “have you eaten today?”

“Not really.”

Steve glances back at Tony, who is worrying at his bottom lip as holds his phone to his ear, no doubt waiting for the Deputy Director to answer.

“I told you to stay behind,” Nat states.

You frown, even though she’s almost half a mile away right now, “I’m fine.”

“Y/N?” Bucky says.

Your heart leaps in your chest, “Yeah?”

“It’s going to be okay,” he pauses, and you try to calm your breathing, “I’m going to be okay.”

Tony snorts and pretends to gag before turning back to his computers and sitting in one of the empty desk chairs, obviously no longer worried.

“I just-” you hesitate, “I can’t let this-” you huff and pull your comm out of your ear, “I can’t let this go.”

You take off running through the open plan office area until you reach the door to the stairwell, shoving it open and leaping down the stairs as many at a time as you can manage. Once you reach the bottom landing, you pull your phone out of your back pocket and hang up on the incoming call from Steve before opening the tracking app that Tony installed on everyone’s phones. It isn’t always active, only during missions.

Bucky’s location pings a quarter mile down the street. You exit the building and turn in his direction before taking off in a sprint, your lungs burning with every breath. It only takes a minute until you can see the three of them up ahead, on the opposite side of the street, and it only takes about ten seconds for them to notice you. They all stop, probably trying to figure out if you’re a threat or not, but after another few seconds, Bucky recognises you.

Your energy wanes and your pace slows to a jog. You look behind you to check the traffic before crossing the road, but when you turn to check the traffic up ahead, Bucky is already right in front of you.

You practically crash into him, but his hands catch your waist and hold you still, “Y/N, what are you doing?”

“I’m sorry,” you pant, struggling to catch your breath, “I can’t let this go.”

He isn’t angry, but you can’t quite place the expression despite how close you are to him, your body pressed against his. “Can’t let what go?”

You take a deep breath to try and appease your burning lungs, “I got you right where I want you, and-” you take another breath, “I’ve been pushing for this for so long.”

His brow furrows, “What are you talking about? Are you okay?”

Your chest finally stops aching, and you look up at him through your lashes, “Kiss me, just once, for luck.”

His frown disappears, and you worry for a moment that you shouldn’t have crossed that line, but then his hands move to cup your jaw and he closes the distance between your lips. Your hands find purchase on the nearest part of him, fisting the hem of his shirt as one of his hands slides down your neck, his thumb tracing your throat. You part your lips and he sighs, pressing his body impossibly closer to yours.

He tastes like spearmint and cold air, and his lips are so soft that you have to wonder if you’re dreaming, but then he startles and pulls back. Panic washes through you as you watch his face, his eyes no longer on you but cast across the street at Sam and Wanda.

“I’m sorry, Doll,” he says, before placing another quick kiss on your lips, “I have to go.”

Without the warmth of his body, the night air is biting. You instinctively wrap your arms around yourself and turn back the way you came, your mind racing. Did you just fuck everything up? Surely not. Bucky is still going in, and it’s not like one little kiss is going to completely derail this mission. Right?

It takes you a lot longer to get back to the office building than it did for you to leave, but thankfully, Bucky is already inside the club and Steve and Tony are too focused to berate you.

You sit in one of the spare desk chairs and watch over Tony’s shoulder, refusing to put your comm back in. You don’t want to hear what’s happening, you want to remain in blissful ignorance instead of listening to the man you’re in love with chat up some mobster’s supermodel daughter. Bucky can be incredibly charming when he needs to be, and according to Steve, he was a major ladies’ man back in the day.

After an hour or so, you slide your chair over to a spare desk and lay your head down. You feel useless and a little stupid, but mostly, just tired. You know the team are annoyed at you and just waiting until tomorrow to reprimand you, but technically, it’s their fault that you did that. They pushed you toward desperate measures.

The next thing you know, someone is gently shaking your shoulder and interrupting your dreams of Bucky. The images of him standing over you while you wait on your knees for him to finish in your mouth quickly fades, and you open your bleary eyes to see Steve.

“Hey,” he whispers, “time to go.”

You sit up slowly, “What happened?”

Something about his expression is off, and you wonder why he’s being so gentle as he wraps an arm around to help you stand. It’s almost as if you’re a child and he’s trying not to wake you for the fear that you might not go back to sleep.

“Steve,” you say, pulling away from him and standing on your own, “what happened?”

He takes a deep breath and steps back, “Bucky did really well, that’s all. Nothing happened.”

“Yet,” Tony adds.

You frown, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You can’t baby her, Steve,” Tony says before turning his attention to you, “Barnes took Sasha home.”

They both watch you carefully, waiting for the explosion, but you know you’ve already given them enough to deal with today, so you muster every ounce of your self-control to stay calm.

You swallow thickly, “Okay. Let’s go.”

You pick up one of the cases by Tony’s feet and continue walking toward the stairwell. As soon as you begin descending the stairs, tears start to fall down your cheeks. You try to focus on your feet through your blurry vision, making sure you don’t trip until you reach the bottom landing.

Natasha pulls up with the car and Clint jumps out to help load the trunk. You climb into the back, buckle your seatbelt, and press your head against the cold window. The car rocks as the others climb in, and normally you would love to make fun of Steve and Tony squished in the back with you, but not tonight.

The drive home is long and awkward. Wanda calls in and Nat answers via the Bluetooth, immediately informing her that you’re in the car so that she doesn’t go into too much detail. However, she does let you all know that it went better than expected and Barnes will report back in the morning. He’s taken Sasha to the apartment that Tony set up as a part of the fake identity.

If you’re being honest, you hadn’t even thought about this part. You knew he would flirt and touch her, and they would probably kiss, but you completely forgot about sex. How? You have no idea, especially considering that every time you close your eyes, you’re picturing him naked.

You feel sick and you know you won’t sleep tonight, but most of all, you feel like an idiot. You almost jeopardised the entire mission just because of your feelings. You want to apologise to the team and tell them you’ll never do it again, but you can’t stop crying and you can’t make that promise right now.

When you finally get home, you start dragging your feet toward your room, but Natasha stops you. “Hey,” she tugs on your hand, “want to watch a movie?”

You frown, “It’s really late.”

She shrugs, “I’m not tired.”

After a quick shower, you change into your pyjamas and meet Nat in the living area. She is already curled up on the couch under a fluffy blanket, flicking through Netflix, so you join her silently and rest your head on her shoulder. She doesn’t ask what you want to watch, she just picks a random comedy from the late 90s and snuggles up beside you.

Your whole body is tired, but your mind won’t stop racing. You can’t stop picturing him with her, wondering what they’re doing right now, and regretting what you did right before he walked into that club. Obviously, it hadn’t meant as much to him as it did to you, because you know you couldn’t possibly have gone off to sleep with someone else after that, but you have to keep telling yourself that it’s a good thing. He’s doing what he needs to do to finish the mission, it doesn’t matter how sick it makes you feel. He’s doing his job.

An hour passes but your nausea doesn’t ease, nor do you feel at all like you might fall asleep. Nat is still awake too, and you know it’s not because she isn’t tired but because she’s worried about you. When the first movie finishes, she stretches her legs out and declares that she’s going to make a coffee, so you too unfold your legs and shuffle into the kitchen with her.

“Is Tony going to be mad?” you ask, your voice thick from crying.

Nat sighs, “I don’t know. I think it depends on what Bucky reports in the morning.”

Your stomach swirls angrily, threatening to eject whatever is left of the small amount of food that you ate almost eight hours ago.

Nat finishes making her coffee and holds it in both hands, watching you with worried eyes as fresh tears streak down your cheeks. She opens her mouth to speak again but the sound of heavy footsteps interrupts her. Both of your heads turn quickly toward the door, and for a second, you think you might be hallucinating.

“Bucky?” Nat says, confirming she can see him too. You’re not that crazy.

He doesn’t look at her, he doesn’t even flinch. His eyes are locked on you, his breaths coming and going quickly as if he ran all the way from the city. The only thing you can feel is your heartbeat, radiating through your whole body like a drum beat, pounding in your ears.

“Okay,” Nat says slowly, “I’m going to go, but- uh,” she looks toward you, “forget what I said before, Tony might be mad.” She puts her half-drunk coffee in the sink and moves quickly out the door.

Silence blankets the room, save for Bucky’s laboured breathing. He still looks gorgeous, despite his dishevelled clothing and flushed skin. His hair is out, though you distinctly remember it being tied back before the club, and there’s a smudge of pink lipstick on his shirt collar.

“What happened?” you ask, though you’re not sure you really want to know.

He doesn’t respond, he simply takes four long strides to reach you and cups your jaw before pressing his lips against yours. You don’t react at first, partly from shock and partly because he doesn’t taste the same, but when his hand slides down your throat the way it had before, you kiss him back.

He takes half a step closer, pressing your bodies together as his tongue slides past your lips. You sigh and lean into him, hooking your fingers in the waistband of his pants to pull him closer. He shivers at your touch, instinctively arching his hips toward you and tilting your head back to deepen the kiss.

When he pulls back for a breath, he murmurs against your mouth, “Couldn’t do it.”

You push up onto your toes to kiss him again, to which he enthusiastically obliges. His hands wrap gently around the base of your neck and his fingers tangle in the hair at your nape, tugging softly as your tongue laps at his.

This time, you break away for air, “What do you mean?”

He sighs and relaxes completely, his body no longer pressed against yours but still close. His hands find yours and gently pull them out of his pants, though it seems to take a lot of self-control for him to do so.

“I thought I could do it,” he says, “because it’s work, and it wouldn’t mean anything.”

You drop your gaze to the collar of his shirt, the smudge of pink lipstick.

“She was-” he struggles to find the right words, “well, she was really into it, but I couldn’t even kiss her.”

You glance up at him through your lashes, trying not to appear satisfied about the fact that you practically ruined the whole assignment.

“She didn’t seem to care, though,” he adds, “and it wasn’t hard to get her to come home with me.” You drop your gaze again and try to pull your hands out of his grasp, but his grip tightens and he tugs you closer again. “I could barely look at her, let alone touch her.”

He crooks a finger beneath your chin and tilts your head back up, forcing your eyes to meet his. “So, to answer your question,” he says, leaning toward you, “nothing happened.”

He closes the distance and kisses you again. Your mind goes blank, clean of any thoughts or worry, completely consumed by the way his lips feel against yours and the way his hands are moving down your body.

Your heart throbs, threatening to burst as you whisper against his lips, “I love you.”

You can feel his mouth curl into a grin, feeling more teeth than lips against your kisses. His hands brace themselves against your back, one splayed between your shoulder blades and the other on your lower back, holding your body against his.

“I am yours,” he mutters, “my body, my heart, all of it... yours.”

You can’t help but giggle, happiness creeping through your body for the first time in twenty-four hours. You feel high, as if Bucky is a drug and if you ever have to be away from him again, the withdrawals might kill you.

He gives you another quick kiss before taking a step back and shedding his jacket. He dumps it on the counter and looks back at you, “There are a lot of things I want to do with you right now, but I am way too tired to do them properly right now.”

Your stomach does a little anticipatory somersault, but you too are finally feeling the ache of exhaustion and need for sleep. You take one of his hands in yours and drag him toward the lounge where you and Nat had been laying. You pick the blanket up, sit down, pull him down beside you, and throw the blanket over both of you. He quickly kicks his boots off and shuffles around until he is lying beneath you. With your head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart, you fall asleep in mere seconds.

The sound of whispered chatter wakes you up, and you blink blearily against the bright morning sun as you try to sit up. Bucky is still asleep, but over the back of the couch you can see your other teammates gossiping in the kitchen.

Natasha notices you first, “Good morning, Sunshine.”

You carefully push yourself up and rub your eyes, mumbling, “Morning.”

"Did you two fuck on my lounge?” Tony asks bluntly, pausing in the middle of the kitchen with the coffee pot in one hand and a mug in the other.

You frown, “No.”

“Good,” he says, beginning to pour the coffee into his mug, “so, all you did was ruin our one shot at real insider intel.”

A pebble of guilt sinks to the bottom of your stomach, weighing it down despite the butterflies still dancing around about the fact that Bucky is finally yours.

“Calm down, Stark,” Bucky grumbles, his voice thick with sleep and his eyes barely open. He sits up slowly and looks up at you, a little smirk lifting the corner of his lips.

“Oh, excellent,” Tony walks halfway toward the living room, “you’re both awake so I can yell at you both for-”

“I took her phone,” Bucky interrupts, gesturing at his jacket on the kitchen counter, “it’s in the pocket. You better be quick though, because she’ll probably realise pretty soon.”

Tony’s eyes grow wide, “What? How did you-”

“She was really drunk,” Bucky shrugs, “I convinced one of the bartenders at the club to come home with us and then I snuck away when the two of them were preoccupied.”

“Oh, my God,” Nat says, a wide grin plastered across her face, “Barnes, you’re a genius.”

“That’s why you were flirting with the bartender,” Sam chuckles, “man, I thought he was more into you than her.”

Tony hurries back to the kitchen bench and plonks his mug down with a slosh before rifling through Bucky’s jacket. He finds the phone quickly and beckons Steve with him as he disappears out the doors. Wanda and Sam begin regaling Nat with stories about last night and Bucky turns his attention back to you.

“Good morning,” he says, offering you his hand and yawning widely.

You can’t help but yawn too, taking his hand and allowing him to pull you onto his lap. You wrap your arms around his neck and rest your head in the crook, enjoying the smell of his cologne mixed with sleep and warmth. He kisses your head, and you move to kiss his neck before spotting the pink lipstick stain and pulling back.

“How about a shower?” you ask. “Then we can burn this shirt.”

He frowns, and you stretch the material out just enough for him to peer down and see the mark. “Oh,” he chuckles, “alright, but it’s only fair if we both take our clothes off.”

You press your lips against his, mumbling, “Deal.”

END.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #sebastian stan #one shot #imagine #bucky barnes one shot #the avengers #captain america #bucky x reader #fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction

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love-byers · 1 day ago

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alright. i'm taking it upon myself to put something to rest.

there is a new mlvn argument on the market, and i have to say, it is the absolute most BACKWARDS, IDIOTIC, WILFULLY IGNORANT take i have ever seen from them. and it is so easily disprovable that i need to make a post about it and put it in the ground early on.

if you've been around since s4 vol1 era, then you've seen the evolution of their arguments surrounding the monologue. first it was "mlvn was love at first sight, because mike said so". they were all posting the clip from s1 ep 1 of mike finding el in the woods, clips from all throughout s1, and saying "this mike was in love with el!!" because mike said so. in the monologue. when bylers pointed out that this claim from mike directly contrasts his behavior in s1, we were called delusional and told we were just coping. i was even told by someone on reddit that mike wasn't acting like he loved her because he was afraid of being made fun of by dustin and lucas, which deserves it's own separate post, but anyways...

after what finn said at the paris con, aka this:

bylers obviously took this as a win, because it very obviously completely dismisses the idea that mike was being truthful in the monologue. because of this, mlvn's argument has shifted. now, they are claiming that what mike said in the monologue, "I knew right then and there in that moment that I loved you." was not a lie, but HYPERBOLE.

here's just a few examples of this.

holy fuck. where do i even start with this...

i guess let me start by saying that i am an english major. i am a creative writing student. english language arts has always been my forte. it's been my best subject my entire life. i was the kid people went to for help in ELA (english language arts). i was the one tutoring my friends. i was the one explaining things to them. in college my friends would line up to get my help with their english work. i edited and revised their essays. i spent close to 10 hours a week in english classes discussing literary devices and analyzing different stories, which i excelled at.

i am not trying to 'flex', i am simply providing context as to why i believe my opinion on this is worth something. mlvns try to say being a writing/film student means nothing in this argument, but it really really fucking does. i, and countless others in the byler fandom, are LITERALLY more educated in this sort of thing than those who did not spend thousands of dollars to study it. sure we may not be renowned writers with masters degrees, but who do you think we learned from?? our professors, who ARE renowned writers with masters degrees. its no different than trusting the opinion of a biology major when talking about biology. of course ELA is more subjective and free, but when you actually study it you find that its more concrete than you'd think. there are definitions, there are guidelines, there are rights and wrongs. of course you do not have to obey those rules, but in the world of publishing and analysis there are things that make sense, and things that don't make sense.

for example. you can totally write a story where a character says "i knew right then and there in that moment that i loved you" and add whatever explanation or nuance that you want. you can write that with the intention of the character being truthful, but maybe exaggerating a bit. whatever you please. you have the creative freedom to do that whether it makes sense or not.

what you cannot do is claim that that phrase is a hyperbole in that context, or any context, because that is OBJECTIVELY wrong. that is incorrect and inarguable. there are phrases that could potentially be debated between those educated in ELA on whether or not it could be considered a hyperbole, but that would requite the phrase to have ambiguous wording. the phrase in question does not check those boxes. it is not ambiguous in any way shape or form. it's not hyperbole. it's not even hyperbolic in any way.

here's a link to an article with 50 different examples of hyperboles. i promise you that our quote in question will not be there, and that nothing on that list will be remotely similar to it.

"I knew right then and there in that moment that I loved you."

i mean you are genuinely a fucking doofus if you're genuinely trying to claim this is a hyperbole. i need you to be so fucking for real. mike is referring back to a specific moment, remember? maybe you don't because i know y'all don't even watch the show, so let me refresh your memory:

"But the truth is, El...I don't know how to live without you. I feel like my life started that day we found you in the woods. You were wearing that yellow Benny's Burgers shirt, and it was so big it almost swallowed you whole. I knew right then and there in that moment that i loved you. And I have loved you every day since."

el even has a flashback to that exact moment in the scene right after he says it, and right before he says "I knew right then and there etc..."

he literally starts it off with "The truth is"

not meant to be taken literally.

would it make sense to say "The truth is, I'm so tired I could sleep for a century." or "The truth is, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse." or "The truth is, I'm dying of laughter."

NO! IT WOULDNT!

mike's monologue was written/approved by the duffers. the same duffers who graduated from a very prestigious film school and created the biggest tv show in the world. they know what a fucking hyperbole is and that you don't preface one with "the truth is". it is genuinely ridiculous to suggest that they let that stay in a scene where a character is supposed to be finally revealing the truth to both another character and the audience.

let's circle back to those screenshots of dumbass mlvns cosplaying as ELA students

"i fell in love with you instantly" vs "i fell in love with you mere days after we met . ur arguing semantics when the point is that they fell for each other really fast"

please tell me, in WHAT fucking world does someone say "I knew right then and there [in the first moment I saw you] that I loved you" when trying to explain that they really fell in love a few days later. and in WHAT UNIVERSE would a WRITER choose to have their character, who is supposed to finally be telling the unfiltered truth, say that. the answer is, there isn't one. that is so fucking backwards and idiotic that i can't believe i'm even having to explain why. the monologue is fabricated. it was written and approved by professional writers and directors. if mike fell in love with el at some later point in s1, or realized it at some later point in s1, then he could've just fucking said that. he could've just told her the moment he fell for her or the moment he realized. they didn't have to make it all twisted and confusing for no reason. he has absolutely no reason to lie or exaggerate (if he is straight and in love with her).

DING A LING A LING A LING!!!!! THATS A BELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"this feels like taking mikes words too literally"

oh, my apologies for taking his words literally during a fucking CONFESSION OF LOVE that he gave her while she was DYING. sorry for taking a line prefaced by "The truth is" literally. you are totally right and i will never do that again!

"when looking back on it it probably does feel like he loved her from the start"

cute sentiment, but that's literally NOT WHAT HE SAID. for the millionth time (see how i just used a hyperbole in a place where it makes sense? where i didn't preface it by saying it was the unfiltered truth?) he said "I knew right then and there in that moment that I loved you." he is saying he saw el in the woods in the rain in her yellow benny's burgers shirt, and KNEW he loved her. he realized it in that moment. that is what he wants el to believe. he is using specific language to pin point the moment he realized it on that moment. like im so serious when i say that if you try to say anything else you genuinely have worms for brains.

any way you logically look at this, it is crushing for mlvn. even if it was a hyperbole, which it is NOT, why the hell would the writers have him exaggerate his feelings to cater to her when it would be much more meaningful for his ACTUAL feelings to save her life?? why would mike feel like he needed to exaggerate?? and i'm sorry, i dont buy the heat of the moment bs. mike has nearly lost el multiple times because he kept lying to her. they had a bad fight days earlier because mike wouldn't tell her the truth. so he finally gets another chance to tell her the truth, and he EXAGGERATES?? HE TELLS A WHITE LIE??? that would also be crushing for mlvn. but none of that matters, because it's not a hyperbole, it's a lie. a flat out lie.

let be me clear, that does not make mike a bad person. in fact, it actually makes him an incredible, caring, selfless person. (remember the synopsis for s4 ep9? "With selfless hearts and a clash of metal, heroes fight from every corner of the battle field to save Hawkins ---and the world itself.") he lied because he knows he doesn't love el the way she wants and he feels like his actual love for her (which is platonic) would not be enough to save her. he devalues his own feelings because they are not what el wants. this is why he nodded after will said "It's scary to open up like that, to say how you really feel. Especially to people you care about the most. Because...what if they don't like the truth?" he feels like he owes el the love she wants, and he is willing to lie to her if it means saving her life. because he truly does love her and care about her, so much that he will do whatever it takes to not lose her.

and i know a lot of mlvn's devalue literary/media analysis and english/creative writing, and our opinions in general, so in case all that wasn't enough, i also asked mlvn's old friend about this. their friend being AI.

mlvns, everything with a lick of sense, including artificial intelligence, is proving you wrong. you are incorrect. what finn said at the paris con put the nail in your ships coffin and you know it. so please stop embarrassing yourselves on the internet and making dumbass claims like this when you know nothing about the subject. you look stupid.

this rant isnt just coming from a place of byler truther anger, it's english major anger. LEAVE MY SUBJECT ALONE. PLEASE.

#byler #stranger things #will byers #mike wheeler #byler endgame #byler analysis #stranger things 4 #anti milkvan #milkvan is bones #anti mileven #mileven is bones #stranger things analysis

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himbo-kuto · 2 days ago

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yuck - charli xcx

thank y'all so much for your love on the caleb fic-- i really am blown away by your support 🥺 i heard this song and i knew i had to write about this white haired man lol. i honestly think this is a bunch of word vomit and i'm not too fond of it but i want to put it out there!!

sylus x mc (little ooc for mc since i make her a baddie lol) warnings: cursing, angst lite, sylus trying to both woo u and piss u off at the same time, proof read when i was very sleepy :)

word count: 3.6k

Not supposed to feel this way, I'm such a hypocrite I always frown on love, it's giving me a tummy-ache

sylus was a persistent man and if he wanted something, he was going to get it. that thing just so happened to be your love and affection. well, if he was going to play games, so were you. you weren’t going to be mistaken for some shy, demure hunter.

“i’d rather be caught dead than resonate with you.”

“be careful what you wish for, kitten.”

he thought he could force you to resonate with him? you’d be fucking damned if you’d let a man try and toss you around like some rag doll. he was about to figure out just how hard he was going to have to work if he wanted an ounce of your time and respect.

Calling too much, you're breaking my phone Mad when you do and sad when you don't

after the forced resonance, you only ever spoke to sylus for work related matters. though, that didn’t stop him from texting you every minute of every hour. If your team needed any particularly hard to find information or deeper sources on aethercores, you would text sylus very curtly in response, only answering the work relevant topics. it got to a point where you had to turn off your phone just to get away from the constant buzzing.

‘where the fuck does this guy find the time?’

you told tara you were going to go out for some fresh air as it started to feel suffocating– it also didn’t help that mentions of N109 zone were all over your screen. a grumble leaves your lips as you swipe your screens to a close, promptly turning to exit the office. simone and andrew look over to tara who merely shrugged her shoulders.

‘this is going to be a lot harder than i thought.’

respect was earned not given and the leader of onychinus was certainly testing that theory. you plopped down on a bench on the courtyard and laid down on your back, causing the cool material to send shivers down your spine. you looked up to the sky, raising your hand to shield away some of the sunlight from your eyes but suddenly it was blocked out completely.

“it’s not like you ignore my phone calls, beautiful.”

you groaned inwardly, now covering your eyes with your arms.

“what are you doing here, sylus?”

he sat down next to you, immediately invading your space as he began to twirl your hair around his finger.

“i was worried about you, sweetie..”

it came almost as a whisper. there wasn’t a condescending tone to his voice or a smirk on his lips. it almost felt like he was being genuine.. but before you could contemplate it any longer, you swatted his hand away.

“tch, yeah right. you shouldn’t be here. won’t you get caught?”

“worried about me?”

…..annnnnd there goes what was left of your patience.

you ignored him as you got up from the bench, ‘accidentally’ bumping shoulders with him as you passed, but who were you to think that you would be able to pass him unscathed? he swiftly grabbed your arm and pulled you back, causing you stumble. but before you could meet your demise, you ended up squarely against sylus’ chest.

his lips were right by your ear as he held you close with no intention of letting you go.

“wait.”

your body acting on its own. almost like it was a command rather than a request. you stood there patient. still. waiting to hear what he had to say, he softened his grip on your wrist. you should’ve taken that chance and ran back into the office, but you were curious to hear what he had to say. and well, curiosity killed the cat.

“let me cook dinner for you.. to apologize for what happened between us.”

“and what exactly happened between us?” you weren’t going to accept some half-assed apology, you wanted to know what it was for. he took your chin between his fingers and pulled your head in his direction

“i’m sorry for forcing you to resonate with me, that was wrong. i didn’t want us to start off like that.. something just took over me that i couldn’t control..and i hurt you. that was never my intention.”

you searched his ruby red eyes, analyzing every cave and valley. a warmth swirled within your heart. it felt familiar but you couldn’t exactly put your finger on it. nevertheless, you weren’t going to let one apology sway you. you pushed off of him, walking back to where you came from.

“i’ll think about it.” you waved him off with a nonchalant two finger salute before entering with a smirk on your lips.

‘this should be interesting’

Yuck, that boy's so mushy Sending me flowers, I'm just tryna get lucky

you turned down sylus’ dinner date after contemplating it for longer than you would’ve liked to admit. in your mind it was an immediate no, but for whatever god forsaken reason, you had a sliver of curiosity of what could’ve been. maybe he really did mean it and wanted to make it up to you but you knew better. you weren't going to be alone with him, let alone be alone with him in his mansion.

‘no. he’s the leader of onychinus. he’s just using me for his own benefit. a pawn, a toy.’

you let out a breath as you look at yourself once more in the mirror. it was one of your rare days off and you were going to enjoy it doing absolutely nothing. you threw your hair back, slipping on a headband for your morning skin care routine, but as you were making your way to the bathroom you heard your doorbell ring.

‘xavier’s out of town.. why would he be..’

you pressed the button on your intercom to see who it was only to be met with a massive bouquet of flowers– the poor delivery driver could barely hold it up. you pressed the intercom announcing that you were on your way before scurrying out the door. thanking the driver profusely, you begrudgingly trekked it back up to your apartment.

with one last huff, you pushed it up onto your kitchen counter.

“next time i see him, he’s dead.” you muttered under your breath.

just as you were about to give him a piece of your mind, a vibration in your pocket broke you out of your rage (or in this case, made it worse).

[sms:] do you like the flowers, sweetie?

[sms:] i think i would’ve liked it a lot better if it wasn’t fucking 50 pounds. that driver was 70 years old and i live upstairs! [sms:] well you deserve nothing but the best, and i wasn’t going to give you just any old flowers. i arranged them myself, and i bet you knew exactly who they were from when you saw them.

your breath got caught between your lips. he wasn’t wrong. from the intricate workings of the black and gold paint swirls of the vase it was delivered in, to the elaborate detail that was put into the arrangement, it undeniably screamed “SYLUS”.

you were actually touched. the bouquet smelled lovely, and despite all the colors being shades of black and ruby, it really brought your living room together. choosing to ignore his quips, you tapped out a reply.

[sms:] how did even know i got it in the first place? were you tracking the delivery? [sms:] … you can say something like that ;)

you took a look outside to your courtyard where the trees were.

“where’s that stupid bird…” you mumbled under your breath.

your eyes darted between every nook and cranny, trying to get just a glimpse of that mechanical ruby red eye of mephisto.

[sms:] you won’t be able to find him sweets. he’s back home with me.

a scoff escaped your lips, tossing your phone onto the couch. you made your you back over to the bouquet, your fingers lightly grazing the petals, almost afraid of them wilting. you brought them up to your nose to give it a smell. It had a bright floral scent, but with a hint of earthiness. it wasn’t too overpowering and the fragrances blended together well, it really did remind you of him.

unbeknownst to you, there was a small grin on your face. you’ve only received a handful of bouquets in the past– birthdays, graduation, when you became a hunter, but nothing like this.

‘this means nothing. it’s just flowers.. expensive flowers. it would be a waste to throw them away, it’s a nice centerpiece for the table anyway..’

you were about to make your way back to the bathroom, but not before finding a small card tucked away in the back. your name was scribbled across the back and when you flipped it over, there was black wax seal keeping its contents closed. surely he didn’t write the card himself.

“the offer still stands, kitten. just say the word. - sylus”

a chuckle left your lips as you tucked the letter back into the envelope. this guy really was relentless to the point of amusement. you shook your head as you placed the note in your drawer. (you usually only put notes away in your drawer with the intention of keeping them as memorabilia. irrelevant notes you just threw in the trash.)

“yeah, good luck buddy.”

Yuck, now you got me blushin' Cheeks so red when the blood starts rushing

just because you accepted his offer, doesn’t mean that you had to enjoy it. it was an obligation that you had to fulfill, much like your missions. though not all missions have you putting on make-up, doing your hair and wearing something a bit more lavish than your hunter uniform. you knew sylus was a man of class, from his rare jewels, to his extensive record and weapon collection– you were going to play his game.

sylus welcomed you into his home himself. last couple of times you were here, it had always been the twins but even they seemed to be out for the night.

“i’m happy that you came.”

the eyes couldn’t roll further back into your head. you were going to get a free meal and then bounce. that was the plan. you surveyed the hall, looking at all the vases lining the wall. when you first arrived they were filled with wilted dry roses, but now they were filled with intricate arrangements.

‘i wonder if he arranged the flowers in there too..’

a hand in your peripheral paused your observations.

“i’m not going to hold your hand."

“that’s sweet darling, but i was referring to your coat..” heat rushed to your cheeks immediately as you shrugged the material off your shoulders. clearing your throat, you hand your coat over to him.

“right.”

that smirk was back and you hated yourself for being the one to put it on his face. you followed his lead to the kitchen and you couldn’t lie, the smell was amazing. he definitely had something going in the oven, and the classic combination of butter, onions, garlic and thyme lingered in the air. he gestured you to sit at the bar stools as he was still finishing up a few things.

“i’m impressed, sylus it actually smells really good in here.”

“did you think i wasn’t competent enough to make a decent meal?”

“yes.” it was immediate with a hint of humor in your voice. sylus let out a laugh through his nose as he was cutting up the last of the vegetables to put in the salad.

“you underestimate me, darling.”

“i think i estimate enough..” sylus smirked, letting the banter dissipate into the air.

you rested your chin on your hands as your eyes drifted around the kitchen. from the marble countertops and the mahogany wood accents, it was warm and inviting. your eyes continued to dart around until they finally landed on the man of the hour. that black turtleneck he was wearing clearly was a size too small as his shoulders were extra broad and his muscles were extra defined even under his blazer.

you looked back up at his face. his brows furrowed slightly as he was concentrating on the task at hand. his hands were firm and steady. consistently chopping the carrot into matchsticks.

“enjoying the view, darling?”

fuck. caught red handed. that is the second time that heat rose to your cheeks within the past 20 minutes. you hid your blush ridden cheeks behind your hands as you stared down at the counter. you heard him chuckle under his breath.

“here, an appetizer. let me know what you think.”

the smell of wine hit your nose. your eyes traveled across the table where you saw a wine glass and the finished bowl of salad.

you took the glass between your fingers and swirled its contents around, giving it an inhale before taking a sip. pulling back the glass, you observed the lipstick stain around the rim. you could just feel his eyes right on you and you that made you smirk. you knew wearing lipstick was a good idea.

taking the fork provided, you stabbed a bit of everything, wanting your first impression of sylus’ cooking to be an accurate one. the flavors were bright and fresh while being very well balanced. from the texture of the lettuce, to the snappiness of vegetables and the crunchiness of croutons, it honestly could’ve been the best salad you’ve had. you nodded your head in approval as you licked the drop of dressing that dripped off your fork and onto the corner your lips; his eyes still very much watching your every move.

it was nice, eating together with sylus. just the sound of clanging silverware against plates and light jazz from his record player filled the room. it felt almost domestic. you stood up from your seat with the intention of putting your dishes in the sink but you felt a force stop you. you looked to your hands and feet only to find his swirling red evol keeping you in place.

“no need to get up, i’ll take care of it.” he released you gently as he waltzed over to you and took the dirty dishes from your hands.

“thank you, sylus. that was really delicious. i’m excited for the main course.”

he flashed you a smile as you he delt with the dishes in the sink.

Candlelight, Out on a starry night You brush my hair to the side And you tell me I'm pretty

“would you like to go out on the balcony for a bit and finish these? we still have about 15 minutes left in the oven.”

you nodded, really needing the fresh air. whether it was sylus or the alcohol heating you up, you needed the cold air. he pulled the door open, gesturing for you to go first.

the air was crisp, but bearable. you wore an off the shoulder dress, a light perfume dancing on your chest, with your hair flowing over your shoulders. you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, letting the condensation from the temperature difference disappear into the night. it was crazy to think that you were here in the N109 zone, having a home cooked meal provided by its leader.

you made your way to the guardrails, leaning your elbows on it as you looked out into the dead of night. the moon was the only source of light outside. it casted a light red hue over the many trees in his backyard, with just the perfect amount of light to see sylus in all his glory.

‘what am i even doing here..’ your eyes traveled down to your wine glass, your reflection cast in the dark scarlet liquid. your resolve was slowly crumbling.

was he annoying and persistent? yes.

was he arrogant and smug, also yes.

would he give you the world on a silver platter? …. in a heartbeat.

before any more of your thoughts could occur, you felt something warm drape over you. you glanced over to see that his blazer was sitting pretty on your shoulders. he mimicked your position, taking a sip from his glass. the liquid lightly stained his lips and you found yourself becoming thirsty.

“i know it’s going to take some time for you to trust me fully again, but i really am happy that you’re here willing to rebuild it with me.”

Yuck, lookin' at me all sucky Yuck, quit acting like a puppy Fuck, going all lovey-dovey on me

he shifted his weight, so now his chest was open to you. you remained still, looking down into your glass. you were starting to feel its effects and the low timbre of sylus’ voice was not helping in keeping thoughts of him out of your mind. you hoped that this last bout of liquid courage would get you through the rest of tonight smoothly. you took one last swig of your glass, savoring the light burn of it as it went down your throat.

sylus took a small step forward, taking the glass from your hand and placing it aside. he returned to your side being cautious of your boundaries but the heat that he was radiating was so inviting. testing the waters once more, he lessened the gap between you two, your arms now touching. he gently brushed the hair off your shoulder to expose more of your face. a shiver went down your spine as you felt a cold breeze whip past the exposed part of your shoulder, but it was quickly replaced by the warmth of his touch.

fuck. why is he so damn warm?

you closed your eyes, craving his warmth. you didn’t even realize you were leaning into him. his right hand came up and gently caressed your neck, urging you forward. your resolve was now hanging on by a thread. that feeling you had before swirled again in your heart, now stronger. you longed to give into this feeling, but something was holding you back, you just didn’t know what.

as if he was reading your mind, he pulled you in close so you could hear his heartbeat. it was rapid, but in sync with yours. you relished in the moment, nuzzling your cheek against him as he brought his hand up to caress your head.

“you’re not going to hurt me are you…?” you asked, your voice small and almost nonexistent.

…

you were met with silence that was speaking louder by the second. he wasn’t moving, but his grasp on you was still firm. he was thinking. you pulled away from him, letting your hair shield the disappointment on your face.

“forget I said anything.”

just as you were about to retreat back inside, he gripped your shoulders to hold you in place. you didn’t have the heart to look up at him. you took a leap only to be met with a wall.

“sylus, let me go.”

he moved his hands from your shoulders to your cheeks, caressing them softly. he tilted your head upward to meet his gaze. your breath hitched as he was wearing a look you’ve never seen on him before. his eyes, though sharp, were gentle and alluring. sylus was taking you in as if you were going to vanish into thin air. you watched as his eyes scanned your whole face, grazing his fingers across all your features as if he was trying to commit them to memory.

“i’m not going to promise that you’re never going to get hurt when you’re with me… i’m a lot of people's enemy. including yours.” that earned a chuckle out of you, which seemed to give sylus a sense of relief.

“but one thing that’s for sure is, that no matter who or what it is...i’ll always keep you protected. you have my word.”

you felt yourself tearing up, the swirling in your heart now feeling like an ache. your hand found its way to his chest, lightly grazing the space in the middle as if you were going to find your answer there. you laid your hand flat before letting your evol run through your fingertips. a dull light radiated from your palm as you let yourself resonate with him. maybe you did need to give yourself to him.

you shifted your gaze back to sylus’ face only to find him with his eyes closed. he put his hand over yours, savoring this moment as he fed his energy back into yours. you felt a surge run through your body, it was strong and powerful. as if he was trying to tell you that this is how he would keep his promise. you knew that sylus had given up a lot and made a lot of enemies to get where he was today. but at what cost? you could only hope to find out.

the light slowly dissipated into the air, like a fire flickering to its end.

“i really hope you’re right, sylus.”

“i’m never wrong, darling.” your eyes rolled to the back of your head with a smile. his eyes drifted down to your lips, now wanting to feel how they felt against yours. but just his lips were about to meet yours, you heard a beeping coming from the kitchen.

“looks like it’s dinner time.” you mused. he didn’t move as the beeping continued.

“well i don’t know about you, but my dinner’s right here..”

“sylus!” you wacked his arm, now feeling crazy. it was like whiplash. he pulled you in by the waist, lightly dipping you backwards, though you had no fear of falling. his head was now by your neck, inhaling the scent of your perfume. he laid the lightest kiss upon your shoulder, yearning to leave more.

“i’m sorry, you just look so gorgeous that i couldn’t help myself.” he whispered into your neck. the heat made it all the way up to your ears, giving off a bright red hue. he could feel the heat exuding off you, making your perfume like an intoxicating haze. he wanted to breathe you in.

“sylus you’re going to burn our dinner. get off of me.” (you did not want him to get off of you.)

“suit yourself, kitten. but just know i’m coming back for seconds.”

#love and deepspace #lads #l&ds #lnds #lads x reader #sylus #lads sylus #love and deepspace sylus #lnds sylus #sylus angst #sylus qin #sylus x reader #sylus x you #sylus x mc #sylus lads #sylus love and deepspace

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sos717 · 3 days ago

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Hey again,

First I want to preface by saying, I am amazed at the response from my last post. I’m so happy to see so many messages that say it helped them understand it better, butttt…

Since the last post had gained allot of attention, so did my inbox lol, and the asks. I’m going to try and go over the main points I saw allot of you guys asking me and hopefully we can move on from there and clear things up.

A really big question I got funny enough was,

“okay I understand but how do I manifest”

lol you guyssss, I’m not gonna bash anyone because I really do understand the drastic change from dropping the reliance we have on the way things APPEAR to be, and swapping it to relying on ourself for trust, but I will say, what I write is what I’ve already lived through, I wouldn’t give anyone this information if it hadn’t worked for me, and that’s means I’ve shown myself the way this all works, HUNDREDS of times, with an insane variety of topics and aspects of my life, so when I say, please please try to READ the content and truly recognize what it means, I mean it in a way that is with complete certainty, because I’m not just telling you a practice that you pick up at one point of life and either get it or don’t get it.

I’m showing you reality

(oooo I’m already getting excited)

So, how can manifestation be explained?

Let’s take a look at all the aspects of experience when we talk about manifestation, because after all, we are here to choose our experience, but this is actually where our first point starts, you are always choosing the experience. Let’s look at this section first.

We all know, whether we come from LOA (Both kinds) or just have the general idea of manifestation/energy, etc, there is always at some point the topic of source.

And what you’ll notice is, every practice, method, technique, ritual, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS puts YOU as the focal point. Do you truly think this is coincidence? Is it a coincidence that a vision board is something that you look at? Is it a coincidence that affirming or visualizing is something YOU do? Is it a coincidence that scripting, writing a note, whispering in the air, everything you could possibly think of always has to be something you initiate? No absolutely not.

What I just described is incredibly important for you to understand, and yes I will get to the aspect of feelings how to move forward in life while activating new stories and ideas, but when I say I regret not taking the time to truly understand how IT WAS ABOUT ME BEING SOURCE, I really mean it.

We get so caught up in experiencing and needing and feel overwhelmed by the shit everyone has programmed us to believe which always ends up being limiting.

But one thing that is so badly flawed is that there is never and in depth look at what it means to be source.

I mean this should be the main focus of manifestation, the fact that you are source, but because we become so focused on the world, we turn away from the most important aspect of experience. What I’m about to explain actually goes far beyond right now, it goes ALLLLL the way back…

There is only one source, going back to the beginning of the entire universe, can you try to imagine what’s there? You’d probably come up with just a vast nothingness, but at the same time, you’d be able to recognize that there had to have been something to introduce all of experience right?

Well let’s do this together, let’s imagine the moments before the universe was initiated, in this formless, void, yet no dimensions, no description, no sign of anything actually, but definitely something, some type of thing that has to be here, from which reality takes course.

I think you can see where we’re going, all that is there, is this presence, no identity or sign of personality, but absolutely there. This is source. “Wait then how am I source” you might askkkk, well okay let’s find out how you ARE this source.

When I ask “are you aware” and you of course say yes, I need you to go ahead and find out where the answer yes came from. And not just, “it came from me”, yes we know, but find it, trace the idea back to its origin.

Your going to come up with what you can’t describe

The answer of you being aware of your own existence comes from, a formless nondimensional space, it has no identity, it has no name, it has no appearance, no attributes at all, you could almost mistake it for a void, but as you sit there, coming “face to face” with this empty space that all of your claims, all of your ideas, all aspects of your identity come from, there’s something that is present. It is a presence. It is not a thing, but from this comes absolutely anything and everything that you claim to be true about the world, about experience, about your identity, etc.

That silent presence is source, but more importantly it’s your true identity, the real you.

So what is all of this then? How do we explain the experience part of this?

Let’s speed this up a bit

Now, this part might get a little complicated if you don’t take some time to understand it, like pleaseeee take your time and re-read it a hundred times if you have to.

So, there are a few aspects that stem from source, one of these being perception, and another being sensations, we don’t need to get into the details too hard for these to so I just want you to understand it as “Sense-Perception”. This is just a fancy way to describe the WAY we experience reality, NOT REALITY ITSELF, VERY IMPORTANT.

Feeling, Tasting, Touching, Seeing, Hearing, Smelling, and whatever else you can think of (I think that’s all) ARE FILTERS. It is through the limitations of this filter that you experience your own being, conciousness.

I need you to imagine source, there is no perceiving no attributes, just a vast nothingness, it is full of life and energy which is the starting point for all of existence, but it is not a singular thing.

This is knowing. The very simple effortless thing that you are. From knowing comes absolutely everything and anything.

Let’s take white teeth as an example. So you now know, “white teeth”. However, this is just that, just knowing it, not perceiving it, not touching, not hearing, none of that. But I need you to know that this is infinitely more above any sense or really just anything to ever exist for that matter because it’s source, it’s you.

Now here comes the magic

What would be the result if we added Sense-Perception into/onto knowing? If you not only knew “white teeth” but also saw it? Also heard it? Also could smell, taste, touch, it? Could feel it?

You get what we call the world, no?

You see, the ways we perceive source/ourself is like a VR headset, or glass, or a sheet, and once it’s added to the equation, whatever it is that source is activating/manifesting as, is then experience by source THROUGH/WITH perception.

The part that can be confusing is addressing what currently is perceived. Well, it’s incredibly simple.

We’ve been conditioned into thinking that the senses activating knowing, this is literally just false to begin with because we don’t require senses to know.

For example, you opening your bank account and seeing a balance IS NOT THE REASON to activate the idea “I don’t have enough money” or “I’m can’t overspend”, don’t believe me? then explain why your able to think the same things without looking at your bank account?

If it truly was seeing your bank account that validated the idea, then why are you capable of even knowing anything related to your money story without looking at your bank statements?? It should not be possible without the validation of the senses right?

You shouldn’t be able to think about how poor you are when you’re in the shower, at work, before you sleep.

But it’s possible because what you know is in no way associated or reliant with what is seen. And having the information about what source is should make you hesitant to ever activate a story that doesn’t please you again. You are too comfortable in the cycle your in. I’m sorry if that’s a little harsh.

If we go back to perception being the filter that source experiences its own activity with, you realize that the only thing that ever changes is what’s known. The world is a SIDE EFFECT of VIEWING whats known, LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN.

YOU ARE SOURCE, YOU CREATE, THE WORLD IS WHAT HAPPENS AS A SIDE AFFECT OF PERCIEVING WHAT YOU ARE.

This has absolutely nothing to do with making or forcing things to change, the only thing that changes is you! This is about the way reality works. Not a how to guide on “getting it all”.

Now for the next part, THIS DOES NOT TURN OFF.

When I say that the senses do not create but, YOU DO, that means always!!! So looking in the mirror and complaining about your skin or eye color or nose is not going to ever activate any idea, BECAUSE YOU ARE DOING THE ACTIVATING. Don’t you see?? ITS COMING FROM YOU.

The senses CANT create, they SENSE, they perceive what reality is being! They perceive what IS KNOWN.

They can never ever ever be the cause for what is known. Looking at your teeth cannot create the knowing “my teeth are so yellow” BECAUSE YOU DO. YOU CAN DO THE SAME WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED YOU CAN DO THE SAME UNDERWATER, IN THE SHOWER, IN BED, IN THE E.R, WHATEVER IT IS YOU KNOW IS WHAT REALITY IS, AND THIS IS WHATS PERCEIVED, The side affect of percieving “my teeth are yellow”?? Well you tell me what that would be? EXACTLY.

Understand it like this, if the story or idea I’m about to activate right now could be seen, heard, touched, or just perceived in any way, what would it look/sound like? Do you see what this is now?

When you realize that you are source, allot of things start making more sense, the teachers and videos saying it’s all about you, start making sense, but they make it sound like the world is something you CHANGE as if it exists on its own, NO!

The world is the result of what KNOWING is, when it’s perceived.

At no point does this stop being true, so when you go “my teeth are white” this is reality, this is what will be perceived, but if you decide to go into habit and activate “my teeth are yellow”, there is no different process, this is what will be perceived. There is no bias to reality.

The starting point will always and can only be what’s known, the rest is automatic, as it’s always been, the only difference is, you have been activating things that you don’t like, and because this is source, all that will be perceived is what you know, so if it’s about money, or love, business, school, understand, THE MOMENT, you know something, IT IS REALITY!!!! IM NOT EXAGGERATING.

Don’t confuse the world as if it is its own entity or source, no, it’s a side effect or perceiving, NOT something you’re trying to control.

I want you see it for yourself, this information will not be of any use if you don’t see for yourself.

Please please remember. What’s perceived is not a story, it is not an idea, it’s not telling you what reality is, it’s only that, perception, it’s the same thing as looking at a brick wall for information, it cannot and will never be source, notice where the stories activate when you react to the world, and recognize that it’s something that you know, a feeling cannot stop knowing, NOTHING CAN, ITS SOURCE!

Okay, I’m sorry if this is a bit confusing at first, this is a very alternate view of the way we’ve been taught what reality is, and I know you might have allot more questions, I’m more than willing to answer them, but till then, please read this post or my past post again

(Yes im rambling, im very sleep deprived rn)

#blommp717 #nonduality #manifestation #manifest #non dualism #law of assumption #master manifestor #nondualism #advaita vedanta #law of attraction #manifesting #manifestationcoach #vision board #affirm and persist #affirmations #robotic affirming

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rafesbuzzcutseason · 5 hours ago

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chasing city lights

chapter 10 - vulnerability

synopsis: you move to new york to start fresh, hoping to find comfort in the city’s atmosphere. that’s when you meet sarah cameron, where she takes you to a concert and you catch sight of the lead band member, rafe cameron. it only takes a moment for you to realize you’re captivated by him. as sarah helps you navigate your new life in the city, you start to get pulled deeper into rafe's world—the music, the fame, the chaos. the more you get to know him, the more you realise that rafe is not just the rock star he seems to be. he’s wrestling with his own demons, and the last thing he needs is someone like you getting close.

masterlist

cw: language, fluff central

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ ☾. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

you and rafe had spent the whole afternoon together and it had been everything and more. just like he had promised the other week, he was showing you around LA and never leaving your side.

the sun was beginning to set, painting the sky in shades of pink and orange as you walked along venice beach, his fingers brushing against yours in a way that made your heart race.

"you know," rafe said with a smile, glancing over at you, "i’m glad we’re doing this. not just the tour thing, but... you and me, this."

his words hit differently now, sitting down on the beach to watch the gentle waves and the sky change colours.

you looked over at him, "me too," you said softly, a smile tugging at your lips.

he grinned back, his playful energy still present, but a hint of seriousness took over him. "i've never done this before." he admitted.

"done what?" you asked him.

"caught feelings like this." he spoke softly, almost scared to say the words out loud.

you reached out to touch his cheek, "me neither rafe." you held his gaze, "there's still so much we have to learn about each other."

"i know, and that's what i'm scared of."

"why?" you questioned.

"i'm scared you won't like the version of me you uncover. i'm not good with my words but, i didn't used to be a good person. i was addicted to drugs, i bought girls home every night to fill a void, i was so unhappy and treated people so badly. but this," he stuck his hands out and pointed between the two of you, "i've never experienced this."

his truth taking you by surprise, but making your heart swell that he was opening up to you this way. "i'm not scared rafe. the rafe i know now is a good guy. i've never met someone like you and i want to know all parts of you even those that you think i won't like."

rafe let out a soft, almost shaky breath at your words. it was as if you had taken a weight off his shoulders without even realising it. his eyes softened, and the air between you two stilled for a moment.

his eyes didn't leave yours, no response was needed, but he pulled you in for a soft kiss full of emotion.

he pulled away to stare at you for a moment, searching your face for any sign of doubt, but there was none.

"i’ve been thinking about you a lot," he admitted, almost too quietly. "more than i thought i would. i know we’re still figuring things out, but i can’t help but want to be around you. want to be better because of you."

your heart fluttered at the honesty in his words, the vulnerability making you weak, all laid out in front you.

"rafe, you’re already better. you’ve made it this far and the fact that you're here with me, saying this stuff, shows me just how far you've come. you don’t have to prove anything."

his lips parted as if he was going to say something, but instead, he just smiled. without another word, he reached out, carefully taking your hand into his, the touch gentle, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

after many hours had passed of gentle touches and soft conversation, you headed back to the hotel in time to join the others and pack before your flight back home tomorrow.

your chest was full of happiness, feeling ready for what was to come.

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ ☾. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

a/n: why am i crying writing this they are so cute i hate them

taglist: @hoefordrewstarkey @marleymarleymarleymarley @bee-43 @cherryhoneybabe @skye-44 @drewrry @drewrry @yesterdaysproblemm @pogueprincesa @dylsdaily @rafeysworldim19 @valyrianflower @kaiparkerwifes @judesgfirl @4urvalidation @chillgal135 @drewstarkeyslover @yesshewrites1 @amterasuu@babykhloutofthisworld @blushmimi @moonywhisp3rs @rafeysworldim19 @marleymarleymarleymarley @sabrina-carpenter-stan-account @vcnillafairy @bambii1i @sammyrenae68

i will be taking people off taglist if that don't interact! just as more people want to be added and need to make it fair<3

#obx #outer banks #obxsmau #boyfriend rafe #drew starkey #rafe cameron #smau #rafe cameron x reader #rafe obx #chasing city lights

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revelboo · 58 minutes ago

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omg, your stories are so good!! Really love that you write for characters I don't usually get to see, like waspinator, the insecticons, etc. Plus you also got me interested in Sunstorm, Which is surprising cause I didn't used to give him a second thought, before. Now I'm curious about where that story is going. Can't wait to see what you do in the future!

You guys have challenged me to write for a lot of characters I’d never written before and I love it

Where I Belong Pt 12

Bluestreak x Reader

• Waking up tangled in someone else, it takes a moment to remember that Blue had never mass shifted back after telling you all of it. He’d just wrapped himself around you, grieving until he’d finally gone into recharge still clinging to you like you’re his security blanket. Now his face is jammed against your neck, one of the points of his chevron digging uncomfortably into your cheek and his knee is between your thighs, arms wrapped around you. And he’s still out, you can feel him venting against you and you don’t have the heart to wake him. Tipping your head back to try and avoid getting poked by his chevron, you listen to the hum of his internal systems.

• There’s a soft hand on his helm, arms holding him and he curls tighter against that warmth and safety. Slowly coming out of recharge without that hum of terror chasing him into alertness. Without the nightmares. “Blue, honey, I can’t breathe,” you say and he’s fully online. Head lifting, he realizes he’s wrapped around you and he awkwardly scoots back. Forcing himself to stop smothering you and to put some distance between you both when he just wants to bury his face back against you. Feel those soft hands on him telling him that he’s okay. Reassuring him. “Sleep okay?” You ask him, somehow not annoyed with him when you should be. Have every right to be.

• “Sorry. I guess I got a little clingy there.” He can’t even look you in the eye right now, too embarrassed about needing someone to hold him. Like there’s something wrong with him for it. And you wiggle closer, resting your cheek on his chassis. See his arm lift, hand hovering but not touching and you grab his wrist and firmly drag his arm down to drape over you. “You don’t have to,” he murmurs, voice small. Like he thinks he’s bothering you and it makes you more determined to stay right where you are.

• “What am I doing? You’re warm and it’s freezing in here,” you reply, relaxing against him with a yawn. Pretending that you’re not trying to comfort him, trying to help. Servos hesitantly playing with your hair, he forces himself to relax. Willing to play along if he can feel your heart beating against him, grounding him in the reality that he’s not alone anymore. Doesn’t expect you to stay. No one ever does, but wants to hang on to this feeling until you get tired with him. Until he becomes too much of a burden.

• “Thank you,” he whispers and that almost breaks your heart. Like the fact that anyone might just actually want to reach out to him, to stay beside him is unthinkable to him. Makes you want to hunt down whoever put that thought into his head and beat some sense into them. Because this sweet bot is beginning to mean the world to you and you’re determined to protect him at any cost.

#transformers x reader #bluestreak x reader #bluestreak

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marjorieswrld · 2 days ago

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🌸 hi babes! could i request “I swear if I see another fucking bee, I am going to lose it!" with Rafe? <3 (where maybe one of them gets stung lmao 😭)

Hi! My sweet sweet liv!!

Omg and tell why in between takes of writing this I got stung for the first time on my hand 😭

haha I love this, livvy <333 enjoy!!

Second Person Pov:

In the Cameron’s estate, where the sun shined brighter, was the eldest Cameron boy and his lover Y/N.

They sat out on the grand grassy front yard, basking in the warmth of the beautiful Outer Banks’ weather.

The boy had ordered pizza, which was laid out on their picnic blanket, where also sat the baked goods they had just taken out of the oven.

“These brownies are phenomenal!” Rafe boasted with a mouthful, making you chuckle as you looked at your boyfriend groaning.

You playfully rolled your eyes, smiling at his foolish nature.

“Don’t roll your eyes! You know it’s true and don’t get me started on those cookies!” He moaned again.

“Rafe, you didn’t even want to bake them in the first place!” You remarked at him.

“Yeah, because they’re better when you make them,” He says, in a matter-of-fact tone.

Reader’s Pov:

“Yeah but I just wanted you to help me,” I softly pout, looking into his honey colored eyes.

“You mean you just wanted me to be there with you!” Rafe reiterates, as he teasingly wraps his arms around my waist bringing me in, closer to him.

“Yes, precisely my point,” I smile blushingly in his embrace, as I let out a laugh.

He laughed into my neck, causing it to tickle my skin. The butterflies in my stomach erupting in my stomach, due to our sweet encounter.

“You’re so cute.” He mumbled, pressing a kiss randomly on my neck with his plump soft lips.

“You know I was thinking the exact same thing about you!” I smiled, turning my face to face him.

My eyes met his as I leaned in to press my lips against his. Both of our eyes shuttering closed as our lips connected.

His arms traveled down my waist, lowering them above my hip, as he tightened his grip.

I placed my hands on the sides of his face, softly caressing his skin, as our lips enjoyed each other’s touch.

When suddenly we heard a loud bug buzzing right by our ears, both of us shooting up off the ground immediately.

I started lightly waving air by my ear, shaking off the abrupt scare.

“What the fuck was that? A bee?!” Rafe shouted in agony.

“Babe, I think we’re okay,” I laugh as I watch his annoyed frustrated mood.

“Ugh, so fucking gross!” He grunted, touching and wiping the area of his face where the bug was near.

I chuckled at his highly maintenced nature.

“You’re okay,” I whispered, grabbing ahold of his hand, peppering kisses over his knuckles.

His attention focused on me now.

“Okay,” He whispered, longly looking into my eyes.

I smiled sweetly at him and led us to sit back down.

I see that Rafe was leaning towards our fruit bowl when he yells.

“No fucking way!” He yells angrily, looking at the food.

I follow his gaze to see the bowl full of buzzing bees.

“Rafe!” I yell as I see him waving his arms trying to smack them away. “Babe, you’re going to get them angry!”

The bees suddenly started buzzing louder and their speed quickened.

I stood up afraid of getting stung.

“It’s fine baby. Hold up,” He confidently says as he gets up still trying to get them to leave.

“So it was a bee earlier!” He grunts, getting closer now that the bees are away.

I reluctantly sat down by him.

“I thought you were going to get stung, Cameron!” I sassily say, rolling my eyes.

He pouted looking at the strawberries.

“Now they’re all ruined,” He sulks with a frown.

I chuckled at his babiness.

“Ahh!” He grunts lifting his arm only to find a bee stuck in between his skin.

”You fucking little bitch!” He grunts, flicking it off.

“Babe, I told you!” I proclaimed.

“That’s not helping, Y/N!” He growls, looking over at me and back down at his palm.

“Here,” I say, grabbing his hand.

I take a look at the stinger left behind from the bee, softly pressing at the skin, and lastly pulling it out.

I look up at Rafe, only to see him looking at me like I’m God.

“You never cease to amaze me!” He deeply says.

“Well next time listen to me! Now come on, I have to find some ointment!” I roll my eyes, as I get up.

taglist:

@annab-nana @hoodpankow @alaynahope714 @jeyramarie @lemur46 @goldenroutledge @valluvsu @paleprincessturtle @starkeysfile @drewsephrry @northernstarkey @elenaax

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron imagine #rafe outer banks #rafe x reader #outer banks imagine #rafe cameron fanfiction #obx imagine

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comfortingevanbuckley · 2 days ago

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Day 7 of @bucktommyfluffebruary will be posted here until I can get on ao3. But for now have 1k words of Love Letters/Letters.

This was inspired by my own Dear Maddie series that I am working on as new episodes come out. In that series, Buck writes letters to Maddie that he doesn't send. In this fic, Tommy finds letters Buck wrote after their breakup. He doesn't read all of them and he tells Buck right away so he is not invading his privacy. Just want to make that clear! So I hope you enjoy! Fic under the cut!

Sharing My Heart With You | 1K | GA | Bucktommy

In his defense, he didn’t mean to find the letters. Tommy had been watching the loft for Evan since he was away on special deployment. Most of the fire department had been called to help in an emergency and normally Tommy would have gone too. However, he had injured himself during a rescue right beforehand so he already had been off duty.

Tommy was going back and forth between his house and the loft, even though Evan said he was welcome to stay over. However, Tommy had some things to do around the house anyway so it was easier to just drop by, leave his boyfriend’s mail on the counter, water the plants, and then head back out.

On the way to Evan’s loft this particular day, he went over a particularly bad pot hole and ended up spilling coffee all over his shirt. Cursing his luck, he figured he would just borrow a shirt of Evan’s. He knew he wouldn’t mind, since they were about the same size.

He first worked on getting the stain out as much as possible in the faucet before throwing it into the washing machine. Evan had some clothes he hadn’t gotten around to washing before he left, so he figured he wouldn’t mind if Tommy just tossed it in with the rest.

Heading up the stairs to the bedroom, Tommy dug around in his drawer before finding a shirt. Putting it on, he was just about to close the drawer where he spotted a stack of letters inside. They were all folded up neatly and had his name on them.

Tommy wondered why Evan had letters with his name on them, and a part of him wondered if Evan meant to send these. But then why were they in the drawer?

His curiosity piqued, he opened the first one and noticed dried, crinkled spots on some parts of the paper.

Tommy,

I am so mad at you. How could you leave me like that? I didn’t think you’d hurt me this way.

Closing the letter, Tommy took a deep breath. He shouldn’t read this. Obviously from the tone, he wrote this when they broke up. But he couldn’t invade Evan’s privacy like this. If the letters were in the drawer, then obviously he didn’t plan on him reading them. Then why keep them?

His phone dinged and he looked at it, seeing Evan had checked in. Hey baby, how’s your day going? Just got a short break so checking in.

Hey! Just got to your place. Borrowed a shirt cause I spilled coffee all over me.

No problem! Although the fact that you didn’t send me a selfie of your naked chest is rude of you.

Tommy just shook his head in amusement. Funny.

Then he decided he should be honest with him. They had promised each other to communicate with one another better, so he decided to call him. “Hey.”

“Hey. It’s so good to hear your voice.”

“Yours too. Um, so when I opened the drawer to grab your shirt, I found something.”

Evan chuckled, “I don’t keep my toys in that drawer, though.”

Tommy blushed thinking of the last time they had some fun together. God, he missed him.

“Cute. Um I saw some letters with my name on it. I got curious and opened one.”

Evan was quiet for a moment before groaning, “Oh, I forgot about those. I, uh, they were kind of like a diary for me. I wasn’t going to send them. They were just for, like, a memory, I guess?” He winced. “I used to write to Maddie when I was traveling and it was cathartic for me so that’s what I…which one did you read?”

“The top one.”

Evan let out a hiss. “Sorry. It was written that night.”

“I’m the one who should be sorry, Evan. Not only did I invade your privacy, I made you cry. I’m such an asshole.”

“I mean…you were. But right now? You’re not because you called me and told me. I appreciate you being honest with me about that, baby.”

“Would you have been upset if I didn’t?”

“Maybe at first. You know, you don’t have to read them but if you want to, I give you my permission. Just…remember that all the things I said are the same things we discussed when we got back together, okay, baby?”

Tommy closed his eyes, just focusing on the tenderness in Evan’s voice. “I’ll try.”

“If it gets to be too much, don’t read them. Or just call me. Even if I don’t answer, you can still call me.”

Tommy had to admit, he was tempted but wasn’t sure he was ready to read the top ones, at least if Evan wasn’t there to remind him that they were stronger now.

Once he got off the phone, he took the stack of letters and decided to read the bottom one. He looked at the date, seeing it was from the night of their second chance first date. That night had gone much better than their very first date and they both had wondered if they were supposed to count this as their new anniversary.

It had been such a fun night and Tommy wondered what Evan said about it.

Dear Tommy,

Tonight was perfect and one of the best nights I’ve had in a long time. I told you I never stopped loving you and when you looked at me tonight, I could feel it in your eyes. You felt the same way. I’m so excited to restart our adventures together. I still want everything with you, but I am still scared to say it out loud again. To scare you off and lose you for good. I don’t think I could handle losing you again.

Is that how you felt about me the first time? I didn’t get it before, but I think I do now. You’ve seeped into every fiber of my being and shown me so much love. I missed it more than you could ever know. I know in my heart that I am yours and you are mine. We’re going to do better this time, baby.

I don’t know if I’ll ever send these to you. Maybe one day, on one special day, I can show you my entire heart. However it happens, just know the journey may have been painful, but it led me back to you.

I love you so much, Tommy. I’ve felt love before, but not like this. I’m going to make sure I show you just how much I love you and want you for the rest of my life.

Love, Evan.

Tommy sniffled, wiping his eye as he pulled out his phone. I read your last letter. The one after our second chance date. I love you so much, Evan. I cannot wait to spend my life with you. And I am going to kiss the hell out of you when you get home.

Can’t wait. Love you too, baby.

#bucktommy #bucktommy fluffebruary #my fic #911 fic

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thatpyroblogs · 2 days ago

Text

Once again I find myself discovering some small obscure piece of mythology and going down a rabbit hole of trying to find whatever information I can find. In this case it is the desire to find out more about Angelos, supposedly a daughter of Zeus and Hera.

First, let me just say what an absolute pain it is to find information on a goddess that has a name still in use to this day. Every attempt to try and find research papers on the topic is hindered by the fact that most searches tend to think I'm trying to find papers using the author's name. Attempting to use advanced settings has thus far told me there are zero papers about Angelos. Or at least zero papers accessible to someone without academic access.

Now for what I was able to find. There appears to be only one surviving story on Angelos written by the Greek poet Theocritus. Except that's not entirely true. From what I can understand the surviving story isn't actually the original story, but instead commentary on the original story. This commentary is on Theocritus' poem Idyll II.

Okay so let's look at Idyll II before we get into the commentary. The summary isn't super helpful in my opinion because it says the poem is a monologue by a girl named Simaetha who is laying a fire-spell upon her neglectful lover and that feels like a major simplification of the poem if you read it. Reading the poem yourself you find that Simaetha seems to imply that she slept with this lover after he courted her and, once he got what he wanted, he ghosted her and is pursuing other loves so now she's calling upon Hecate to curse him.

Alright, so now the question is how does this relate to Angelos? Well from what I understand the commentary likely has to do with the mention of Hecate in the Idyll II. Supposedly Angelos might be a proto-verison of Hecate. Of course I can't be 100% certain what the commentary says because the only source for it is the book Scholia in Theocritum Vetera by Carl Wendel. Now good news is you can read this book for free here. Bad news, it is only readable if you can read ancient Greek, which is why a lot of what I've written on the commentary is speculation gleamed from what others have said about it.

This circles back to the one English source I found on Angelos which is Wikipedia. Wikipedia claims the one myth for Angelos involves her stealing Hera's anointments and giving them to one of Zeus' lovers (Europa). Hera does not take kindly to this and Angelos is forced to flee and hide from her mother. She first hides with a woman in labor before hiding among some people are carrying a dead man where Hera finally gives up chasing her. Zeus than orders Angelos to be cleansed by the Cabeiri (another rabbit hole I am pointedly looking away from) in the waters of a lake tied to the Underworld.

The scholia commentary I am unable to read apparently cites this myth when talking about possible origins for Hecate, which seems to imply that after Angelos is cleansed in the Underworld's waters she becomes Hecate. Also if I'm understanding the references on Wikipedia correctly they all seem to imply that the ancient Greek write Sophron is the one who wrote down the Angelos myth the scholia refers to.

Overall Angelos seems like a really interesting character that appears to have become the unfortunate victim of the passage of time and a lack of interest in lesser known Greek deities.

EDIT: I had ignored the 4th source on the Angelos Wikipedia page because it was an old German encyclopedia which I had zero hope of finding. Except apparently the full text that is being referenced is on Wikisource and can therefore be read. I completely forgot that Wikisource exists. This source appears to corroborate that Sophron is the source of all the information we know about Angelos. The notes indicate there may be more information about Angelos in another part of the encyclopedia so I've got more researching to do.

The world if girls would project their mommy issues on Clytemnestra and Electra, Helen and Hermione, Cassiopeia and Andromeda, Hera and Angelos etc. instead of Demeter and Persephone:

#angelos #hecate #greek mythology #am i'm debating the worth of learning ancient greek #just so i can read that scholia?#yes #yes i am #the idea of hecate being a child of zeus and hera is interesting #i'll proofread this later #i just spend several hours researching and typing this out instead of sleeping

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bomberqueen17 · 1 day ago

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how it's going

yah well so. my winter of not being at the farm and instead having medical appointments is going about how you'd think, which is to say that i've run out of steam on making the medical appointments but do still have several to take care of.

i did manage to get my primary care physician to accept that i had an ADHD diagnosis (which last year she refused to help me get, but now that i have it, she's like ok cool great here's a referral for therapy). She's now prescribed me meds, and since I already tried the three major stimulant meds plus had prior (bad) experience with the one antidepressant they use, she prescribed me some weird anti-narcolepsy med that sometimes gets used. and i was supposed to start that two days ago but rite aid is still trying to get insurance approval. take a wild guess what kind of insurance i have!!

yeah united health isn't going to approve that one. so my avenues here might already be closed. but at least someone tried?

I have done a bit of sewing and a bit of exercise biking and a lot of snow shoveling (what a year). I got a mammogram and they called me right away and were like omg you gotta come back there was something weird there, and so i went back and they were like omg we gotta squash you SO flat to look at this, and i was like ow ow ow okay okay uncle and they were like yah we gotta ultrasound you this isn't good and i was like. if they have to cut my boobs off can i get robot ones???? (insert every emoji here in succession, the nine or whatever stages of grief is not enough to cover this)

and the ultrasound tech was like SO nice? and so gentle? and by then i'd been lotionless so long (you can't have lotion on your boobs before a mammogram! my dudes it is january i am a crocodile) that the water-based gel kind of stung? but it was okay and she made me wait and went and looked at the results with a doctor and came and took me aside and was like "Great news! It's nothing" and sent me home. which was like. so many ups and downs! what a wild ride! love this ending for me, this is actually the best possible ending ever.

Spent the entire next day in a vet waiting room because Chita had been peeing all over the basement. Verdict: not a UTI. But, she's got to start special kidney food. Have now spent an entire week trying to get the vet to give us the prescription we need in order to buy the stuff, somehow can't get this done, really don't know what the hell is happening.

So anyway now we just have puppy pads down in various corners of the basement, because Chita has Opinions about litterboxes that cannot be solved by simply having an array (five) of immaculate (Cat Attract(TM) litter-containing) boxes, because you see, she needs to pee NEXT TO a litter box according to some strange schedule, AS WELL AS in only SOME of them, and poo in others... Well at least it's all in the basement and she has not done this in any of the rooms where we actually live. But like. Gross dude.

In June Chita will be legally old enough to vote, though cats are not eligible to register alas, so I suppose we can just let her do what she wants since she probably knows best at this point.

Otherwise the only notable thing happening is the writing, at which i am making tremendous progress, so that's good. Therapist has been attempting to get me to form priorities and make to-do lists which is hilarious and I don't know how to convey to her that I am a feral goblin and Goals are not a thing I've ever historically managed to have, and I don't think she understands about novel-writing in particular (she was like oh you're making getting published a goal! and i'm like you don't understand how this industry works, this is a self-pub at best kind of economy and i will not be making money from this). But I am trying very hard to get a draft of this done as soon as I possibly can because I simply won't have time over the spring/summer/fall season, but I *might* have time to edit.

I've got eight chapters in the beta doc by now and having people read it and leave comments is absolutely working to keep me focused on it. <3 I can't convey enough how much that means. It is incredibly helpful. I never did make a discord or any way to discuss that so it's all gotta be in the comments but that is working for me for now. I have most of the plot hammered out and just have to like. Glue it together. So we shall see.

Except I keep letting myself get distracted doing backstory stuff so yesterday I wrote 2,999 words of literally just porn that is not in any way going to go into this novel, and i felt kind of bad about that but then I also wrote 3,914 words of action plot and cyborg dolphins (and mostly it is a guy passed over for a promotion trying to work around the incompetent they made into his manager, so like, relatable content but also with dolphins who can talk, so like, what's not to love) so I felt less bad about that.

I will include a snippet because I can.

A moment later, Mahina’s synthetic voice said “We did not find your convoy but other pod says ships that way.” Tom nodded. “Yeah, I thought it might be too far,” he said. “You know our range?” Mahina asked. Her vocabulary was very practical, but then, this was a major shipping lane. From the slightly greater height of the launch, he could see her better; she was large, an older female. The augmented dolphins lived longer, but she wouldn’t be old enough to remember before the treaties, he thought. “I think so,” Tom said. “Mahina not so good at human number reckoning,” she said. “But if Ted know a pod’s range Mahina no need to try.” “Ted?” Tom said, startled into a laugh. “Is human name,” Mahina said. “It is,” Tom agreed. “Yes, I can be Ted.” “Ted,” Mahina said, with a decided affirmative whistle. The only way to add words to the brainwave-readers was for a fairly skilled human technician to do so, and one of them must at some point have been named Ted.

#about the author #snippet post #my writing #lifestyle ramblings

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hmhas-00 · 2 days ago

Text

Ch. 15

Hit Me Hard & Soft

A/N- Hi lovelies! I hope you like today’s chapter! The next few chapters after this one will be more and more intense… hope you’re ready for some angst! 🤪

Remy’s POV

“Remy, can I see you in my office please?” Joe peeked around the cubicle, startling me half to death.

I looked up from my laptop, “Yeah, I’ll be there in just a minute, let me save my work.”

“It’s quite urgent.” He walked away, closing the door to his office once inside.

I rolled my eyes, wondering what he could possibly want this early in the morning.

I was finalizing edits on the new article for the month of December. I couldn’t believe an entire month had gone by already, and Christmas decorations were being put up.

When I knock on Joe’s door, he invites me in immediately. “Come in, take a seat.” He says without looking up from his screen.

“You wanted to see me?”

“Certainly. It’s been brought to my attention that you requested off December 3rd-8th?”

I nodded, “Yes, that’s right. I have a trip planned to-“

He cut me off, “That’s in 4 days, isn’t it?” He looked at his calendar.

“Yes, Joe, I requested it over two weeks ago. You approved it.”

“That doesn’t sound like something I would do, especially with so many people taking time off for the holidays this month.”

“Joe, I can’t cancel this trip. Is there any way we can-“

“Remy, you have that end of the year evaluation coming up don’t you?” He angled his glasses down and leaned back in his chair.

“I believe so.”

“I believe you’re overdue for a raise as well.”

“I am.”

“Remy, I read the digital article you published for Rachel in October.” He took off his glasses and set them on the dark, wooden desk.

“You mean the article Rachel-“

“I know your writing. I could pick out your writing blind in a room full of others. I’ve seen Rachel’s work and there’s no way in hell that was hers.” He said monotoned, straight to the point.

I shifted in my chair, feeling like I blew her cover, even though it seemed fair. In a way it made me feel accomplished that he could tell it was me. What differentiated my writing from Rachel’s? The girl he hired for my position. If he felt like this, why was she still better than me? Why did she get the comfortable salary and the flashy new title? Still, I began to feel that hope again. That hope he always managed to snatch away.

“It is in your best interest to stay put. That is, if you don’t want your evaluation to suffer. December is our busiest time of the year. You know that by now.” He put his glasses back on and resumed on his computer. “Think about it.”

“I’ll make some accommodations, thank you, Joe.” I stood up, walking towards the door.

“Close the door on your way out, darling.”

I drove to Billie’s after my day ended. In her kitchen, we ate the yummy meal she made, sitting at her rustic, wooden picnic style dining table.

I was nervous to tell her I wouldn’t be able to join her on tour when she leaves again in a couple of days. Especially since I had already cancelled on her a bunch the week of Thanksgiving, because Joe needed me to work the whole time. Apparently, Rachel had turned in her time off requests the moment she was hired, meaning I had to spend late nights at the office instead of helping Billie’s family prep for thanksgiving dinner.

“You’re quiet today, everything okay at work?” She asked, twirling chickpea pasta around her fork and putting it in her mouth.

I chewed my food, covering my mouth with a hand.“Yeah, just a slight change of plans.”

“What kind of change?” She asked hesitantly.

“At the end of the year I’ll be evaluated, and be given a raise! Maybe even a promotion?” I tiptoed around the details, truly wanting her to get it.

“Rem, that’s crazy! It’s great, it was about time!”

“I know! He even basically said my writing was way better than Rachel’s, and he could tell it apart from anyone else’s!”

“Really?” She smiled, briefly grabbing my arm and shaking it, excitedly.

“Yes!” I cheered. “I think he might make me a co-writer… Well officially. Or even better, in charge of her.”

“Well, what’s the catch? Humiliation ritual?” She joked, waiting for me to laugh with her.

“Well…” I fought with the pasta on my fork as I clenched my teeth in my mouth, trying to put the words in the right order before saying them out loud.

She put her fork down, watching me intently, noticing I wasn’t about to joke with her.

“I can’t come with you to Vancouver.” I felt awful, immediately reading her eyes.

“You mean, you’ll meet me in Seattle then, right?” she asked, hoping I wasn’t serious.

“Billie, I won’t be coming at all, I’m sorry.” I looked at her, seeing sadness in her eyes. She said nothing at all. “It’s just, this is really important to me. And I’m finally making my way up! I wouldn’t cancel if it didn’t know it was serious! This evaluation, I can’t afford to-“

“This just happened a week ago, Remy.”

“Well, technically I came to see you every day I could, after work!”

“You fell asleep on me almost immediately after we put on our show every time. And thanksgiving day, you sat on your laptop and worked the whole time. You barely looked up, until it was time to eat.”

“Billie, it wasn’t my fault. Rachel was out of town-“

She closed her eyes and breathed out. I could tell she was hurt. I hate that I let her down again. “Remy, look, I know that you’re busy, and your job is important to you… But, you promised. You promised me you’d try to come see me, and we already had all these things planned for us to do…” Her voice trailed off.

“I know, I know. And I did try!”

She looked at me with that are-you-kidding-me face.

“I’m so sorry. I really want to go with you. You know I do!” I ran both my hands through my hair, scratching my scalp as an attempt to self soothe. “Look, you’ll be back in California on December 10th.”

She sighed at me. Those big blue eyes drooping in misery.

“I will be there, in San Jose, to watch you perform. It’ll be awesome. Your last leg of the American part of the tour. Wrapping it up in our home state? I’m going to be at every single one of those shows.”

“Will you?” She crossed her arms.

I held out my pinky. “I promise.”

She took one look at my hand and stood up from the table, taking her dish to the sink.

“Billie…” I watched her scrub her plate clean. I got up, standing behind her. I wrapped my arms around her neck and rested my head on her shoulder. I pressed my left cheek against hers.

“It’s fine, Rem.”

“No, it’s not. And I’m sorry… I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” I unhooked an arm and held out my pinky.

She finally gave in and linked her pinky. I could tell it wasn’t good enough, but it was the best I could give.

“I know how important it is to you. I was just looking forward to you touring with me. That’s all. I just miss you.”

“I miss you too.” I turned her around and gave her a proper hug. “I’ll see you again in a week, this time.”

“Yeah and then I leave again in February to Australia for a whole month.”

“Maybe by then I’ll be able to take a few weeks off and go Australia with you! In the meantime, let’s focus on the time being, okay?”

She pulled away, nodding. “I’m happy for you, you know that?”

“I know, it just sucks. I get it. Trust me, I wanted nothing more than to go with you.” I walked back to my plate and finished eating.

******

The week dragged on as I took over Rachel’s duties, and typed endlessly on my Mac. Joe had allowed me to use Rachel’s office to “get my creative juices flowing”. She was off for most of the month, which meant I’d be bending over backwards to get her work out in time. I still had over 5 pieces to edit, unfortunately. Billie’s instagram posts from Seattle weren’t helping at all, either.

I zoned out, looking into the skyline, daydreaming of this office actually being mine.

“Happy Thursday!” Joe popped his head in, unusually chirp.

“Morning, Joe.” I looked up at him, coming back to reality.

“You look good in here.” He walked in and manspreaded on one of the accent chairs across from my- I mean Rachel’s desk.

I sat up straight, “It’s nice having my own space.” I smiled.

“It is, isn’t it…” He smiled back. “How would you like to join in our meeting tomorrow? All our column writers will be there, except Rachel, of course. I think you’d fill that chair out nicely.”

“Oh, I’d love that!” I couldn’t hide my enthusiasm. I’ve wanted to sit in on one of those meetings for so long.

“Wonderful.” He stood up, clearing his throat and putting a hand on my desk. “Dress to impress. You wanna look the part. So, wear something nice.”

“Of course.” I nodded, as he walked out.

******

The next day, all I could think about was this meeting. I was thrilled to be able to be a part of something so big. I couldn’t wait to present all my ideas, and visions for the column. I spent hours the night before typing up a presentation, and looking for what to wear.

I dial Rachel on the way to work, hoping she’d have any advice for me. Luckily, she was just as ecstatic for me as I was.

“You’re gonna do great, girl! Just make sure you don’t speak over anybody, and smile at everyone, and just play nice. It’s a game, you know? You gotta make the right moves.” She suggested.

“Right, right. Ugh, I’m so nervous!”

“Don’t be. Oh! And, uh… What are you wearing right now?” Rachel asked.

“I’m wearing white slacks, a white blouse, and a beige blazer.”

“I was afraid you might say that.”

“Why!” I glanced at my outfit. “It’s cute!”

“The slacks. Maybe you should’ve gone with a nice, skirt… Okay, okay, how about your shirt? Is it low cut?Can you maybe lose the blazer?”

“Oh my god, Rachel! It’s a meeting, not a casting couch audition.”

She laughed, “Okay, okay. You’ll be fine, just make sure your hair looks good. It gives them something to fix their attention span on.”

I arrived at the office and passed the board room, peeking through the glass walls. Rachel was right. Every woman in there had tight pencil skirts or tight dresses on. Immediately, I feel underdressed… Or, I guess over dressed.

I walked into the bathroom, immediately taking off my blazer and undoing a couple of buttons on my satin, sleeveless blouse. I fixed my bra underneath, scooping my breasts up so they’d look good, and opened up my collar a bit. I turned, looking at myself from all angles, and letting my hair down. I tucked in my blouse to show off my waist, but decided to put the blazer back on.

I confidently walked out of the bathroom, into the board room and sat right next to Joe. His stare lingered as I prepped the PowerPoint on my laptop.

“Good morning.” He said. “I trust that you have everything ready for Rachel.”

“I do!” I smiled.

Everyone else settled into their seats, and shortly after the meeting began. It ran for about 45 minutes until it was finally my turn to present. Everyone’s visuals and ideas were so creative, not to mention the girl’s outfits were so eye-catching.

I look down at my phone, noticing Billie had left me about 15 text messages, which I couldn’t open until this was over.

I made my way up to the front, plugging in my computer and beaming my presentation to the huge smart screen. I started to cover the topics and titles for the next year, including small artists I’d be reaching out to for interviews. I noticed some of the corporate sharks talking amongst themselves, probably wondering who I was, and why Rachel wasn’t here.

I tried to ignore it, constantly making eye contact with Joe, who didn’t look any more interested than the rest did.

I thought about what Rachel said on our phone call, and decided to play their game. I knew I could be damn good at it too.

I slipped off my linen blazer, placing it on an empty chair near me. I resumed, noticing their attention shifting in the room.

I presented the idea to co-write with Rachel, as well as giving new, independent artists the opportunity to reach out to us, through their management, to be featured on our digital app. I really felt like I was holding their attention. Suddenly, they were intrigued in everything I said. It made me feel powerful.

“Are there any questions?” I asked, as I wrapped up.

“Sure, I have one.” A man, around 30, lifted his hand like a child in elementary school. “Will the budget need to increase?”

“Great question. There’s actually no need to up the budget, just yet.” I answered, knowing it was thankfully exactly what they wanted to hear.

He nodded, “And one more question. What’s your tattoo say?” He pointed at my arm.

I extended my arm and pointed at my right bicep. “Those are song lyrics to my favorite song.”

It felt weird showing my tattoos at work. I usually wore a light sweater or blazer on top, or a long sleeve blouse. Wearing a skirt would be interesting, given the fact that I have multiple thigh tattoos.

He let out a small laugh, his co-workers shaking their heads, but staring at me with the same eyes as him.

Eventually after answering enough questions, Joe took the floor and continued the meeting. After it was over, we enjoyed the catering and chatted for a while. I gravitated towards the writers in charge of art and film columns, taking in the conversations and feeling like a part of this high status team that I wished so badly to be in.

******

At the end of the day, Joe stopped by my- I mean Rachel’s office, for a quick debriefing.

“You must really like this office.” He said, shutting the door behind him.

“I do.” I shut my laptop, packing up my things to take back to the cubicle. Rachel would be returning to work Monday morning, so I knew I had to clear out before leaving today. “All good things come to an end, I guess. Thanks for including me in the meeting today. I learned a lot.”

“If you keep up this great work up, you might just earn your keep and have an office like this one.” He said, his voice low and persuasive.

“They say anything about me being a co-author?”

“They’ve asked to see more from you. Can you have an outline of this new digital article idea you have by this weekend?”

“I already do.” I nodded, unable to hold back a smile.

“Play your cards right and you might just get exactly what you want.” He smirked. “I’ve made reservations at Nobu for next Tuesday at 4pm.”

“Wait, Tuesday the 10th? I can’t, I have a commitment-“

“I wouldn’t disappoint them if I were you.”

“But, I told you, I have plans already that I can’t back out of. You can’t move the meeting to lunch time?”

“If you want to turn down your chance for these executives to have their eyes on nothing else but you, be my guest.” He began to walk out.

“No! No. I’ll be there.” I panicked.

“Good. Because they have their eye on you. That’s not something you want to pass up around here.” He said before opening my door and leaving.

I sighed, packing up my things and leaving. I could crumple up and die thinking about having to tell Billie I wouldn’t make it on Sunday. I promised her I would. There was just no way I could miss this dinner.

I hoped she would understand as I talked myself into FaceTiming her and breaking the news. I sunk lower into my seat as the line rang no longer than 2 times.

“Remy!” She sounded so excited when she answered. God, I’d hate to kill that.

“Hey, Billie, are you busy right now?” I hesitated.

“No, no, actually I was gonna call you! We share the same brain cells, I’m telling you.” She chuckled.

“Yeah.” I laughed.

“I can’t wait to see you, Rem. I miss you! Are you ready for San Jose?” She smiled big.

“Actually-“

“Cause I wanted to see if you wanna join me on stage? You can jam out with Ava and Jane, or do the barricade run with me? Maybe we can do Guess together? You can do Charlie’s part!”

Her ideas came out as one big run-on sentence. She looked so happy as she paced the tour bus and rambled on, moving her hands. I didn’t want to ruin it. I couldn’t bring myself to let her down again.

“I’d love that, it’s just-“

“Please! For me… don’t be shy.” She pleaded. She worked those eyes on me enough to convince me to say yes.

“Okay, I will.” I smiled at her

For the rest of the FaceTime call, I tried my best to act like I wasn’t figuring out how I’d make it to Nobu with Joe, and San Jose with Billie in one night.

#Spotify #billie eilish #billie eilish fic #billie eilish fanfic #billie eilish fanfiction #billie eilish wlw #billie eilish lgbtq #billie eillish #billie eilish ftl #billie eilish f2l #friends to lovers #bestfriends to lovers #billie eilish x oc #billie eilish hit me hard and soft #hit me hard and soft

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