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paenling · 4 years ago

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no ones saying you cant enjoy daniil? people like him as a character but mostly Because he’s an asshole and he’s interesting. the racism and themes of colonization in patho are so blatant

nobody said “by order of Law you are forbidden from enjoying daniil dankovsky in any capacity”, but they did say “if you like daniil dankovsky you are abnormal, problematic, and you should be ashamed of yourself”, so i’d call that an implicit discouragement at the least. not very kind.

regardless, he is a very interesting asshole and we love to make fun of him! but i do not plan to stop seeing his character in an empathetic light when appropriate to do so. we’re all terribly human.

regarding “the racism and themes of colonization in patho”, we’ve gotta have a sit-down for this one because it’s long and difficult. tl;dr here.

i’ve written myself all back and forth and in every direction trying to properly pin down the way i feel about this in a way that is both logically coherent and emotionally honest, but it’s not really working. i debated even responding at all, but i do feel like there are some things worth saying so i’m just going to write a bunch of words, pick a god, and pray it makes some modicum of sense.

the short version: pathologic 2 is a flawed masterwork which i love deeply, but its attempts to be esoteric and challenging have in some ways backfired when it comes to topical discussions such as those surrounding race, which the first game didn’t give its due diligence, and the second game attempted with incomplete success despite its best efforts.

the issue is that when you have a game that is so niche and has these “elevated themes” and draws from all this kind of academic highbrow source material -- the fandom is small, but the fandom consists of people who want to analyze, pathologize, and dissect things as much as possible. so let’s do that.

first: what exactly is racist or colonialist in pathologic? i’m legitimately asking. people at home: by what mechanism does pathologic-the-game inflict racist harm on real people? the fact that the Kin are aesthetically and linguistically inspired by the real-world Buryat people (& adjacent groups) is a potential red flag, but as far as i can tell there’s never any value judgement made about either the fictionalized Kin or the real-world Buryat. the fictional culture is esoteric to the player -- intended to be that way, in fact -- but that’s not an inherently bad thing. it’s a closed practice and they’re minding their business.

does it run the risk of being insensitive with sufficiently aggressive readings? absolutely, but i don’t think that’s racist by itself. they’re just portrayed as a society of human beings (and some magical ones, if you like) that has flaws and incongruences just as the Town does. it’s not idealizing or infantilizing these people, but by no means does it go out of its way to villainize them either. there is no malice in this depiction of the Kin.

is it the fact that characters within both pathologic 1 & 2 are racist? that the player can choose to say racist things when inhabiting those characters? no, because pathologic-the-game doesn’t endorse those things. they’re throwaway characterization lines for assholes. acknowledging that racism exists does not make a media racist. see more here.

however, i find it’s very important to take a moment and divorce the racial discussions in a game like pathologic 2 from the very specific experiences of irl western (particularly american) racism. it’s understandable for such a large chunk of the english-speaking audience to read it that way; it makes sense, but that doesn’t mean it’s correct. although it acknowledges the relevant history to some extent, on account of being set in 1915, pathologic 2 is not intended to be a commentary about race, and especially not current events, and especially especially not current events in america. it’s therefore unfair, in my opinion, to attempt to diagnose it with any concrete ideology or apply its messages to an american racial paradigm.

it definitely still deals with race, but it always, to me, seemed to come back around the exploitation of race as an ultimately arbitrary division of human beings, and the story always strove to be about human beings far more than it was ever about race. does it approach this topic perfectly? no, but it’s clearly making an effort. should we be aware of where it fails to do right by the topic? yes, definitely, but we should also be charitable in our interpretations of what the writers were actually aiming for, rather than reactionarily deeming them unacceptable and leaving it at that. do we really think the writers for pathologic 2 sat down and said “we’re going to go out of our way to be horrible racists today”? i don’t.

IPL’s writing team is a talented lot, and dybowski as lead writer has the kinds of big ideas that elevate a game to a work of art, particularly because he’s not afraid to get personal. on that front, some discussion is inescapable as pathologic 2 deals in a lot of racial and cultural strife, because it’s clearly something near to the his heart, but as i understand it was never really meant to be a narrative “about” race, at least not exclusively so, and especially not in the same sense as the issue is understood by the average American gamer. society isn't a monolith and the contexts are gonna change massively between different cultures who have had, historically, much different relationships with these concepts.

these themes are “so blatant” in pathologic 2 because clearly, on some level, IPL wanted to start a discussion. I think it’s obvious that they wanted to make the audience uncomfortable with the choices they were faced with and the characters they had to inhabit -- invoke a little ostranenie, as it were, and force an emotional breaking point. in the end the game started a conversation and i think that’s something that was done in earnest, despite its moments of obvious clumsiness.

regarding colonialism, this is another thing that the game is just Not About. we see the effects and consequences of colonialism demonstrated in the world of pathologic, and it’s something we’re certainly asked to think about from time to time, but the actual plot/narrative of the game is not about overcoming or confronting explicitly colonialist constructs, etc. i personally regard this as a bit of a missed opportunity, but it’s just not what IPL was going for.

instead they have a huge focus, as discussed somewhat in response to this ask, on the broader idea of powerful people trying to create a “utopia” at the mortal cost of those they disempower, which is almost always topical as far as i’m concerned, and also very Russian.

i think there was some interview where it was said that the second game was much more about “a mechanism that transforms human nature” than the costs of utopia, but it’s still a persistent enough theme to be worth talking about both as an abstraction of colonialism as well as in its more-likely intended context through the lens of wealth inequality, environmental destruction & government corruption as universal human issues faced by the marginalized classes. i think both are important and intelligent readings of the text, and both are worth discussion.

both endings of pathologic 2 involve sacrifice in the name of an “ideal world” where it’s impossible to ever be fully satisfied. in the Diurnal Ending, Artemy is tormented over the fate of the Kin and the euthanasia of his dying god and all her miracles, but he needs to have faith that the children he’s protected will grow up better than their parents and create a world where he and his culture will be immortalized in love. in the Nocturnal Ending, he’s horrified because in preserving the miracle-bound legacy of his people as a collective, he’s un-personed himself to the individuals he loves, but he needs to have faith that the uniqueness and magic of the resurrected Earth was precious enough to be worth that sacrifice. neither ending is fair. it’s not fair that he can’t have both, but that’s the idea. because that “utopia” everyone’s been chasing is an idol that distracts from the important work of being a human being and doing your best in a flawed world.

because pathologic’s themes as a series are so very “Russian turn-of-the-century” and draw a ton of stylistic and topical inspiration from the theatre and literature of that era, i don’t doubt that it’s also inherited some of its inspirational literature’s missteps. however, because the game’s intertextuality is so incredibly dense it’s difficult to construct a super cohesive picture of its actual messaging. a lot of its references and themes will absolutely go over your head if you enter unprepared -- this was true for me, and it ended up taking several passes and a bunch of research to even begin appreciating the breadth of its influences.

(i’d argue this is ultimately a good thing; i would never have gone and picked up Camus or Strugatsky, or even known who Antonin Artaud was at all if i hadn’t gone in with pathologic! my understanding is still woefully incomplete and it’s probably going to take me a lot more effort to get properly fluent in the ideology of the story, but that’s the joy of it, i think. :) i’m very lucky to be able to pursue it in this way.)

anyway yes, pathologic 2 is definitely very flawed in a lot of places, particularly when it tries to tackle race, but i’m happy to see it for better and for worse. the game attempts to discuss several adjacent issues and stumbles as it does so, but insinuating it to be in some way “pro-racist” or “pro-colonialist” or whatever else feels kind of disingenuous to me. they’re clearly trying, however imperfectly, to do something intriguing and meaningful and empathetic with their story.

even all this will probably amount to a very disjointed and incomplete explanation of how pathologic & its messaging makes me feel, but what i want -- as a broader approach, not just for pathologic -- is for people to be willing to interpret things charitably.

sometimes things are made just to be cruel, and those things should be condemned, but not everything is like that. it’s not only possible but necessary to be able to acknowledge flaws or mistakes and still be kind. persecuting something straight away removes any opportunity to examine it and learn from it, and pathologic happens to be ripe with learning experiences.

it’s all about being okay with ugliness, working through difficult nuances with grace, and the strength of the human spirit, and it’s a story about love first and foremost, and i guess we sort of need that right now. it gave me some of its love, so i’m giving it some of my patience.

#meta #discourse #long post #ipl #writing #Anonymous #slight edit for colonialism #untitled plague game #pathologic

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btsandvmin · 4 years ago

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What made you like Jimin individually and Taehyung individually ? And do you have a slight preference between the two ?

I love all the members so much, and for me picking a bias is still kind of difficult. I have concluded that I do bias both Jimin and Tae but kind of switch between them at different times for different reasons. As for a bias wrecker I legit cannot choose and it changes all the time.

The way I got into BTS was through the BST MV and then trying to learn the members (the first one I learned and checked up on was Namjoon). I also got fascinated by the BU storyline as storytelling and analysis/reviews is a big hobby of mine (the fandoms I’ve been in are many, and character/story analyses/reviews/theories are something I have engaged in a lot).

On top of that I work in the media industry and have an interest for visual storytelling as well and I got hooked by the concepts, the beautiful MV and the both story-based and symbolical clues they left. I also loved their music and like groups in general because of the interesting vocal dynamics you can create. Basically, BTS managed to hit all my buttons and I had to look up more.

Mind you, I barely knew the members' names properly and I was already investigating the meaning of their MV and storyline. I listened to their album and loved the songs before I could tell which member was who. (Both Awake and First love made me cry without even knowing the lyrics). I also have to mention how much I love both of Vmin’s voices, who are both very unique and interesting. I basically biased their voices before I knew who they were. (Fun or sad fact but I am really bad with faces and actually learned the members' singing voices before their faces.)

Let’s just say that I got into the music and visuals/concept first, and then started to consume material to get to know the members. They all also had incredible chemistry between each other and reminded me a lot of one of my favorite j-pop groups with their dynamics.

What I started to watch was “get to know them” videos and recent interviews and clips, meaning from BST era. It was hard for me to not notice Jimin (even though vocal line were the ones I had the hardest time separating from each other in the very beginning). And perhaps even more so since the introduction videos tended to have a lot better and varied things to say about Jimin amongst vocal line. But even on his own Jimin simply stood out to me during the BST era when I joined. He took a lot of space in the group as a performer (especially with his high notes, his dancing, his hair and his outfits all combined) but also as an individual in off stage material. I fell for his voice and performance and the “Jimin effect” was hitting me hard.

I also related to him a lot. I am a sort of clingy but shy person who is a perfectionist and likes being in control. I also thought he was both cute and funny without being too over the top with things like aegyo (I mean, we all know he is horrible at it when he tries to do it on purpose). I think the way Jimin is so open (though private) makes him easy to understand and relate to. He has a lot of different moods and there is an honesty in how much he shows us even though he clearly still remained in control.

As time went by, I found myself focusing on Jimin more than the other members and I realized my bias. I was simply drawn to him more than the others from the start. That in turn brings me to Taehyung... Because honestly, at the time it was impossible not to notice their closeness. And looking up a lot of old material, where Jimin was there was also Taehyung. They were very clingy and had a lot of cute interactions. One of the first things I watched of their more off-stage material was also Bon Voyage in Scandinavia (being from there myself I was extra curious) and the Vmin moments in there just cemented their bond for me.

I am not saying I only appreciate Tae for ship reasons, simply that Vmin got my attention early on and that did make me focus more on Taehyung as well. I thought as many that he was a bit odd, but very funny and playful, that he was incredibly good-looking (my opinion from the start was that JK and Tae were the most good-looking) but also a bit difficult to read. Taehyung made me want to understand him, and I was interested in him for quite different reasons than how I related to Jimin. I love him for his way of thinking and how he seems to have this innocence or happiness in the small things about him. Like, Tae getting lost in Sweden but still being happy about the small adventure, enjoying himself and stopping to blow on a dandelion might just be one of the most endearing things I have ever seen. (Honestly, another point I relate to Jimin on so much is his love for Tae and how he just makes us smile no matter what he does.)

Of course, as they change and as I get to watch them more, the more I find to love and appreciate (as well as flaws of course) and now I would say all the members are just very precious to me and I love them both for who they are on their own and for their bond as a group. It is impressive and not to be understated how rare it is to find a bond like theirs. I have seen many groups, and few are as compatible as BTS, and few seem to truly love each other the way they do.

But as for bias it will likely always be Jimin and Taehyung unless there is some drastic change.

For Jimin I love the way he dances while controlling every fiber of his body, the way he pours love into all his relationships but isn’t afraid to call people out, the way he keeps getting funnier (I think Jimin’s sense of humor is so underrated), the way he acts like an angel but actually has the whole world fooled (and he knows it), the way he shows his emotions so animatedly no matter if he gets annoyed or laughs with his whole body, the way he knows his principles and stands his ground when he believes in something, the way he works so hard to improve and better himself both as a performer and as a human, the way he thinks about things deeply and is so eloquent with how to express it, the way he is there for both ARMY, his members and even strangers because he is empathic to his core. There is a lot to love with Jimin, and he always makes sure to return that love when deserved.

For Taehyung I love the way he stand against the norms, the way he shows it’s ok to be different and embrace himself and others without judgement, the way he almost plays with us when he performs, the way he sings with such emotion and how he loves to express himself through all kinds of art forms, the way he learns and take in valid criticism but isn’t afraid to call bullshit, the way he knows when to be serious but also the importance of having fun, the way he is both the biggest dork and a fierce performer at once (I mean he can be so unapologetically silly and then suddenly switch to lethal seduction), the way his unique way of thinking opens up to new points of view, the way he can’t help but show his excitement or love for something and wants to share it with the people around him. He goes all out when he loves something and doesn’t hide his opinions when he doesn’t. Taehyung is just a very honest (though perfectly capable of lying and fooling us thank you very much) and incredible person that I both admire and adore.

There is just so much, and even small things get to me, like don’t get me started on their smiles, or even just their habits when they laugh... (how Tae usually laughs quietly but once in a while will let out these light giggles, or the way Jimin seem to automatically covers his face when he laughs).

I love them both to death (as all the members). It is not easy to just sit down and pour years of love into words, but I tried. I love them both as singers, performers, artists, and humans. I also love them as soulmates and how much they both just spread love and positivity to the people around them. The impact they have had on me, and surely many of you, is hard to comprehend. I am so lucky and happy that I decided to become a fan of this wonderful group and these wonderful people.

Phew, that was a lot wasn’t it? All opinion based, probably a bit hard to understand and not very well structured either. This is all just a flow of consciousness, and I likely forgot to mention a lot of things I could have said. Even so I hope you found it a nice read. :) Thank you for the ask.

#taehyung #jimin #vmin #kim taehyung #park jimin #my story #vmin appriciation #my post #btsandvmin ask #btsandvmin answer #btsandvmin #vmin blood sweat and tears #bts

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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15 Worst NES Games of All-Time

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The worst NES games of all time are a truly special breed of bad video games. Say what you will about the downsides of the modern video game industry (and there is certainly a lot to say), but there is, in most cases, a baseline standard of quality ensured by better, cheaper technology, experience, and more controlled distribution channels. You may get the occasional indie game that is basically a scam, but when it comes to major releases…well, even Cyberpunk 2077 was pretty good in a lot of ways.

That wasn’t the case during the NES era. At a time when console gaming was basically the digital wild west, it was incredibly difficult to tell good games from bad ones, and developers often exploited that fact to get us to buy titles that refuse to leave the deepest, darkest parts of our nostalgia all these years later.

That’s the thing about these games. Are they among the worst NES titles ever? Absolutely, but years later, there’s something about remembering the pain of playing them and sharing those memories with others that is strangely enjoyable.

15. Tag Team Wrestling

Even with all of the other bad wrestling games for the NES (and there were many), Tag Team Wrestling manages to stand apart largely by virtue of being fundamentally unplayable in nearly every way you can imagine.

In a dream world where you manage to overcome this game’s all-time bad animations and unresponsive controls, you still have to deal with the fact that there are times when the opponent A.I. difficulty is raised to such a degree that it becomes quite literally impossible to win. If it weren’t for the fact that this game eventually inspired Homestar Runner’s Strong Bad character, it would be entirely worthless.

14. Friday the 13th

There are some who will credit Friday the 13th for being unique and ambitious. We shall not speak their name in this house of truth where we recognize that the Friday the 13th franchise was never scarier than the moment you tried to play this game as a child.

This game’s bewildering map and unforgivable controls were practically designed to eliminate the possibility of fun. It’s easy to love Jason’s weirdly stylish purple jumpsuit in this 8-bit nightmare, but much like Patrick Bateman, no amount of style can hide the monster beneath.

13. Super Pitfall

There’s no shortage of NES games that are difficult to the point of being fundamentally unenjoyable, but Super Pitfall may just be the king of that particular trash heap.

Super Pitfall‘s developers seemed to believe that the reason people love video games is that they offer the chance to listen to repetitive music while dying all the time to obstacles you have little to no chance to avoid. Just in case that level of abuse wasn’t enough to make you love their project, the developers decided to just go ahead and fill their game with essentially invisible items that no sane person would ever find organically despite the fact that they’re required to progress. To it’s credit, this game does recreate the sensation of being trapped in a dank underground cave.

12. Operation Secret Storm

While it almost feels too easy to pick on developer Color Dreams (the studio responsible for many terrible unlicensed NES games, many of which were based on the Bible), Operation Secret Storm is really on another level in terms of all-time bad games.

Even if we can put aside the often blatant racism and bizarre Gulf War storyline, we’re left with a game where control commands are more of a polite suggestion and hit detection is a bug, not a feature. From top-to-bottom, this may be the “best” example of just how bad those old-school unlicensed NES games could be.

11. Where’s Waldo?

You know, it’s pretty amazing that Where’s Waldo? the video game can’t offer an experience comparable to the Where’s Waldo? books considering that the books weren’t exactly the great American novels.

Beating this game will either take you five minutes or 50 years. It really all depends on your ability to determine which of the blurred on-screen figures the game is trying to pretend is supposed to be Waldo. It’s truly impressive that this game manages to botch a concept this simple, but that’s the magic of the NES era.

10. Back to the Future Part II and III

The first Back to the Future game for NES was bad, but at least it followed basic video game logic in terms of its level structure. Back to the Future Part II and III, meanwhile, somehow beats Primer for the title of “most confusing use of time travel in entertainment history.”

To be honest, I still don’t know what this game expects from me. It’s supposed to offer a time travel adventure that spans the scope of the last two Back to the Future films, but I dare you to play this for more than 20 minutes without feeling tears in your eyes and the words “What do you want me to do?!?!” escape your lungs. If it’s not the most unintuitive bit of 8-bit game design, it’s certainly one of the most unenjoyable.

9. The Adventures Of Gilligan’s Island

There are two things worth remembering about Gilligan’s Island: the theme song and how annoying Gilligan was. To its credit, this game nails both of those elements.

This game is basically the result of escort quests and bad comedy games forming an unholy union. Imagine being dropped into a hedge maze and being forced to endure the constant jeers of the dumbest man you’ve ever met while trying to figure out where to go. Also, your legs are tied together. That’s basically the Adventures of Gilligan’s Island experience.

8. Bad Street Brawler

It’s tempting to overlook the golden age of beat ‘em ups for their seeming simplicity, but as Bad Street Brawler shows, it’s very much possible for those kinds of games to go incredibly wrong.

Bad Street Brawler was designed to be used with the NES Power Glove, which should probably tell you everything that you really need to know about what it’s like to try to “play” this game. Manage to master its nearly unplayable controls, and you’re left with a beat ’em up with bewildering visuals and fundamentally unsatisfying gameplay that leave you wondering how the industry lasted this long.

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7. Mario is Missing

Look, there are a lot of bad video games on the NES, but there’s something especially insulting about a terrible Mario game on NES that passes itself off as an educational experience.

This game feels like it was made by a dentist who wanted to give young patients a way to pass the time in the waiting room while also making them less afraid of the impending pain. Nothing in this game makes sense, and the fact it fooled young gamers into thinking it was an actual Mario game makes it that much more infuriating.

6. Ghostbusters

You know, it really shouldn’t have been that difficult to make a respectable Ghostbusters game. Honestly, the only way to go wrong is to pass up the more obvious genre opportunities and try to do something weird and stupid that nobody ever asked for.

As you probably guessed, that’s exactly what we have here. Ghostbusters has the audacity to try to be this strange combination of various gameplay concepts when the fundamentals of controls, visuals, and logical progression so clearly elude it. It’s genuinely hard to believe someone had the chance to make a Ghostbusters video game and came up with this.

5. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

There are some who say that you really need to learn to play this game before you can judge it. The fundamental flaw of that premise is that it assumes that there’s a game here that’s worth playing in the first place.

I genuinely can’t imagine what Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde’s developers were going for when they concocted this unintuitive blend of confusing mechanics, overwhelming (yet unimpressive) enemies, and controls that only seem to work seconds before you convince yourself to give up on the game entirely. You can read every guide about this game that’s ever been written to try to understand how its needlessly complicated mechanics work, and they still wouldn’t answer the one question everyone has about this title, “Why are you like this?”

4. Action 52

It almost feels bad to pick on Action 52 considering that it is an unlicensed collection of 52 small games that were clearly made by underfunded and inexperienced programmers working on a project that legally probably shouldn’t have been “released.” Then again, that’s perhaps all the more reason to make fun of it.

Against all odds, not one of Action 52’s 52 games manages to be even remotely playable. These games would have been embarrassing even if they were released for the Atari 2600, but in the age of the NES, they offered young gamers the chance to quickly realize that the world is full of scammers and they will try anything to part you with your money.

3. Deadly Towers

Every NES gamer has that one game they just couldn’t beat and never seemed to understand no matter how hard they tried. Well, Deadly Towers is all of those games of your respective childhoods rolled into one.

There is not a single aspect of this game that makes any kind of sense that I’m familiar with. Imagine you’re trapped in the maze from the movie Labyrinth, but instead of getting to meet sexy David Bowie at the end, you have to listen to Eric Clapton tell you what’s wrong with your generation. That’s about what’s it like to play Deadly Towers. Even if you bother to learn the game’s structure, you quickly find you don’t want anything to do with the “rewards” that follow.

2. Dragon’s Lair

How do you take a game like Dragon’s Lair (an innovative arcade experience that combined FMV visuals with QTE gameplay) and port it to the humble NES? Well, if this port is any indication, you…don’t.

I don’t know if there’s ever been another game that inflicts so much pain on its first screen. I’m willing to bet that 90% of Dragon’s Lair players never figured out how to cross that first bridge and actually enter the castle. That’s probably because the solution to that “puzzle”makes no sense and is fundamentally unenjoyable to execute. Those 90% will be happy to know that the game only gets worse from there.

1. The Uncanny X-Men

Imagine how easy it would have been to make a decent X-Men game for NES. Just take Batman, Mega Man, Castlevania, or any number of the other great NES games, throw some X-Men designs on the whole thing, and you have a game most of us would probably fondly remember to this day.

Infamous NES developer LJN decided to go a different route, though. They decided to make a top-down action game where hit detection is basically non-existent, the music constantly assaults your ears, half of the characters are essentially useless, the graphics are so bad that you quite literally can’t tell where you are or what you’re supposed to be doing, and the AI is useless to the point that I”m pretty sure the in-game characters have become aware of the game they’re forced to exist in and are doing everything in their power to get out.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

There’s no shortage of bad NES games (clearly), but when it comes to wasted potential, this is truly the worst of the worst.

The post 15 Worst NES Games of All-Time appeared first on Den of Geek.

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maleyanderecafe · 5 years ago

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Love, Lust & Infatuation

Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of asks about if certain characters are yanderes or not from various series. It’s actually pretty fun getting these asks sometimes (even if I’m not always keen about reading through a lot of chapters) since I’m able to talk more about not only the story themselves but why or why not I would consider a character a yandere. One of the things I realized was that the definition of a love to a yandere was rather different across a lot of stories, and that the idea of lovesickness is often a difficult thing to define. So I thought I would give my thoughts about this concept.

When it comes to yanderes, love is an incredibly important part of that character as a whole. However, it can be really hard to define what exactly is “love”, especially if it’s not something that’s explicitly stated. This is generally because love is hard to describe to others, and depending on the character, and situation, it can be shown in a lot of different ways. I guess it would be similar to trying to describe the feeling of happiness to someone who has never experience it. Many people might list scenarios where people are happy: meeting up with friends, going outside in the sun, making food for people, etc, however, none of this really describes what happiness really is. Another way to describe it is the physical actions that might occur when someone is happy, like laughing, smiling or dancing, but again describe more of the physical aspects of a person who is happy but doesn’t describe it entirely itself. They might use metaphors to describe happiness as well, like stating happiness is owning a cat or happiness is like a child playing with his dad, but these are poetic and don’t really describe the actual feeling. In addition, people often have very different things that make them happy. For instance, a person might not find going out in the sun something that makes them happy, but rather going out into the rain, or perhaps they feel that going out alone makes them happier than going out with other people. Finally, it depends on the personality of the individual. A person who is expressionless might still feel happy even if they aren’t visibly smiling, or someone who is smiling and acting happy might be in reality very stressed.

However, just because we don’t know how to define love doesn’t mean that we can’t infer it from the actions of the individual. This is pretty obvious in characters like tsunderes or danderes as their actions give away how they feel about their love interests. However, it can be difficult in the case of yandere since a lot of times, the thing that they are obsessed about isn’t necessarily a person but something else. A lot of people will often misidentify yanderes simply because they have obsessive behaviors like stalking or being intensely devoted, however, in a lot of cases the behaviors are either not directed towards a person that they like or because they are extremely loyal to an individual. In both cases though, it’s likely that they aren’t yanderes since they usually don’t have a very close/intimate relationship with the person that they’re devoted to, usually either a one-sided admiration or in a more formal sense of devotion (more like a soldier pledging the allegiance to a lord, which seems more professional than intimate). In addition, it can be debatable if a character really loves their s/o or if they enjoy something that their s/o has. For instance, a character who enjoys watching the s/o cry. Is it because they enjoy being sadistic to the s/o? Or is it perhaps the only way they know how to get close to the s/o? Or perhaps if a character values purity in an s/o. Would they try to worship someone else that was also pure? Do they even care about the other aspects of the character or just the aspect of their “purity”?The same can be ask about extremely possessive yanderes. Do they really care about the s/o at all, or do they just crave power over someone? When you ask questions like this, suddenly it becomes harder to see whether or not a character is a yandere or not, since it can be interpreted in different ways depending on what someone views the character’s reasoning as.

For a lot of cases, yanderes often will be stuck at or at least start with infatuation. Infatuation is often confused with love, as they produce a lot of the same feelings, but they are very different. Infatuation is defined as “an intense but short-lived passion for someone”. However, it doesn’t really describe the actual feelings or experiences of being infatuated. From my own experiences, infatuation is more of projecting a fantasy onto someone and falling in love with that projection. It’s often not the actual person the character falls for but an idea of them in their mind. This happens a lot from first impressions of that person and filling that idea with your own fantasies of what they are like. As they get to know that person, the infatuation will eventually start to go away, as there are often things that they will not like or are surprised by that do not match their initial idea of them. For instance, a yandere becomes infatuated with their s/o who is a bookworm. They might believe that the bookworm is rather shy, intelligent and has a hard time talking to people. They might fantasize about teaching them how to talk to others and getting to know them at the library, and trying to get closer to them. However, when the yandere actually does talk to the bookworm, they might find out that the s/o is actually really extroverted and just goes to the library to skip classes. Usually, for a normal person, they might start to lose parts of their infatuation, but for a yandere, they might take this information and start idolizing it or add more fantasy on top of what they have learned.

When it comes to yanderes, I would say most of them are stuck unfortunately in the infatuation stage. In this state, yanderes are not actually in love with their s/o, but rather in love with the idea of their s/o. Yanderes will almost always fall in love at first sight, with their love based on only their appearances or a small aspect of them. They will then likely start to idolize their s/o and try to feed this infatuation by becoming obsessed with them such as through stalking or being overly possessive over them. However, they will never really interact with their s/o normally, either hiding their true personality over a fake one or just avoiding them and being hidden. Normally, a character will eventually get over their initial stage of infatuation, but for yanderes, they will often grip onto their stage as long as possible by destroying anything that goes against their idolized version of their s/o. This is often why in a lot of yandere stories, the yandere snap happens when the s/o starts to talk to other people. The idea of having someone else date the s/o disrupts their infatuation about the s/o, which the yandere cannot bear to have. Thus they will try to remove this disruption by killing the rival, threatening them, or just, in general, getting rid of their relationship, even if it causes the s/o to become very distraught. Depending on how delusional and detached the yandere is, they might not even see this action as wrong or even see the harm that it causes to their s/o. This kind of delusional infatuation that causes the yandere to be only devoted to their s/o and often will either ignore or be aggressive towards others. Yanderes has such strong infatuation that they will often find everything about their s/o appealing, from their appearances to their habits to their general lifestyle, even if it is unhealthy or normally unappealing to others. It’s almost impossible for a yandere to have their fantasy broken because of the s/o being themself. What might break the delusion is if the s/o outright rejects the yandere, which would probably cause the yandere to go through some drastic events to make sure that their infatuation stays alive, such as kidnapping them, begging for their love or committing a murder-suicide. What’s good about a yandere who is infatuated is that because it is more or less a one-sided love, they’re able to be written a lot more dramatically and with a sense of horror. A yandere that is infatuated is really good for giving freedom in their actions since they don’t have to normally worry about what the s/o thinks of them and they can basically do whatever they want to try to keep their delusions from going. The downside is that these characters are likely never going to develop past their initial state and will even less likely to have a truly happy ending. What’s unfortunate about yandere who are stuck in infatuation is that they will likely never learn how to truly love someone and will never be in a relationship. They’re stuck in this kind of false love and will never be able to develop well as a character. This is the most common type of feeling that a yandere will feel and the most common type of yandere written.

If a yandere is very lucky, they might be in a relationship with their s/o. It might be because the yandere was able to develop and learn to lessen some of their more dangerous behaviors, or it might be because the s/o loves the yandere, whether or not they are aware of their behavior, or some other reasons, but the s/o and the yandere are now together in a relationship. At this course, it’s likely that they are rather comfortable being with each other and they know a lot about each other, much like a normal couple would. The yandere will have likely become more of a harmless yandere, being obsessive and clingy without actually hurting others around them. Their dream of being with the s/o is fulfilled, so they’re a lot less likely to hurt others and probably just happier to be with their s/o. That isn’t to say that if they feel like someone is trying to hurt their s/o or their s/o is trying to leave them that they won’t do anything, it’s just in most cases, they won’t do anything extreme. When a yandere is in a relationship, they will be focused on their s/o, often doting on them, having a lot of physical affection towards them and in general just spending time with them. They probably won’t bother trying to hang out with others and will just be with the s/o as much as possible. I wrote a lot more about it in my healthier yandere relationships post, but essentially, a yandere in this situation will try to make their s/o as happy as possible and is more likely to care about the s/o if they’re feeling distraught or sad. For a lot of writers, it’s a lot more interesting to write the story of how they fell in love rather than after they’ve fallen in love, and this is no exception when it comes to yanderes. This is pretty unfortunate since there can be a lot of development for both the yandere themselves and the s/o. This is a pretty good opportunity to grow the yandere as a person, perhaps helping them with a flaw that they struggle with, for instance, a yandere that struggles with control and attempts to be less controlling over people around them, or a yandere who has a hard time trusting others and overly relies on the s/o. On the other hand, it would be a great idea for a yandere to be the one helping the s/o, like helping an s/o develop stronger self-esteem or a yandere that helps the s/o become a lot more healthier physically. Or it could be a downfall story where the couple slowly becomes more and more obsessed with each other. There can be a lot of interesting stories with a yandere and their lover, and it’s unfortunate that there are not as many stories on them. It’s also possible to write a relationship that isn’t quite as healthy as it seems, like in Deepest Secret, where the yandere attempts to keep the s/o for themselves. In this case, the yandere can be a lot more freedom in what they want to do, however, they often cannot reveal their plans to their s/o. This is usually what happens in a lot of horror stories since the s/o is unaware of what is going on, and they will often be two-faced towards their s/o as compared to other people. Really, it depends on how and what happens in the story.

Finally, there’s the idea of lust. While not all yanderes necessarily have a sexual type of lust, all yanderes do have lust attached to them. Lust is defined as an intense longing to fulfill an emotion, which while often is related to sexual activities can also be related to fulfilling desires like feeling important or feeling accepted and is something that all yanderes have as they often want to feel fulfilled. Lust, however, is often mistaken for love, and it can be in a lot of cases difficult to tell if a person is in love or lusts for them, especially in a context where the two parties are in a sexual relationship since they often have very similar feelings involved or often overlap. When it comes to lust, a lot of characters I feel will often have a hard time differentiating between the two, and in the same way, it just seems very difficult to see if they really care about someone or not. This is why a lot of times it's difficult to see if a character is a yandere in yaoi, for instance, because lust is often a huge part of yaoi and love can often be twisted because of the sexual nature of the story. It could just be something like physical attraction, but the character just simply does not care about the other person’s personality. Possessiveness is also something that makes it hard to differentiate a character who is a yandere and one who is just possessive because they want the s/o’s body since it would make sense that someone who lusts for the s/o’s body would not want to have anyone else lust for them either. Obsessiveness also falls into the same category, because it can be hard to tell if the character actually cares or obsesses over the person or the fantasy of a person. Lust is the sexual side of infatuation, so with these kinds of stories, it often falls into the same types of ideals, with the yandere caring more about surface aspects, in this case, appearance, rather than other parts of them, like their opinions and hobbies. That’s not to say that lust can’t eventually lead to love, it’s just that lust on its own is not enough to create a yandere. Lust, a lot like infatuation, is also very selfish and doesn’t really consider the other party involved, and only cares about satisfying their own needs. This one thing is something that helps to differentiate the two is if the character actually cares about the person that they have sex with, doing things outside of sexual activities, such as going on dates, talking to each other about meaningful things and in general hanging out. With just lust, the character will only care about what they see is most important in the s/o and nothing else. For instance, they might see the s/o as someone who gives them attention when nobody else would and would ignore their other aspects like the s/o’s pettiness or their stretch towards unfairness.

Anyways, sorry for the late upload, I’ve just gotten back to school so everything is kind of catching up and trying to get everything done.

#male yandere #yandere boy #yandere #analysis #writing #opinions

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itsakpopalypse · 5 years ago

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St. Van /Lee Geumhyuk Astrology Ask: How He Loves

“Yes! I would like to request one of your awesome Kpop astrology “how he loves’ reads for vav’s St. Van! The Jacob one was amazingg! Loveeeed it so so much ! im curious what you will have to say about my bias StVan! Thank you!!” - @atiny-burger

A/N I’m so glad you are enjoying my series ! absolutely I will do it but I warn you that this is gonna be a mess I am so wrecked like I can’t even ugh 💕💕💕💕

anyway here you go !!

I hope you like it !

as always the 18+ content will be below the cut

if you hear sobbing it is just me because his smile is literally the most beautiful thing I have ever seen what the i am having a full malfunction between that and his chart i am a mess

He’s a complicated man!!

His sun sign is a cusp, he technically falls on the Capricorn side

a lot of people don’t put much stock into the whole CUSP thing, as a concept

and I get that

but I know a lot of cusps and I have yet to see it disproved

so we are going to talk cusp as well as conventional Capricorn okay

additionally, the estimated rising is Pisces, and the Moon is Cancer

so this is interesting because Capricorns tend to be considered very personal, very serious, and very driven

logical and less feeling than other signs as they are the Cardinal of earth

however if we mix in cusp energy we get some of the playfulness of a Sagittarius.

being on the Cap side indicates he will be more private

Cancers, while an incredibly feeling sign, are also very private at first. So this tells me he will be polite and a little difficult to get through to the real him

and of course, Pisces is an empathetic sign of service, so he will be compassionate and caring, if he might do it quietly and without praise

he doesn’t expect anyone to shout out his deeds, he just does them because he wants to and he thinks it’s the right thing to do, especially for those who have broken through his shell

Sag/Cap Cusps will be a Frankenstein of the two signs, funny but serious, playful and devoted, deep thinker and hard worker

with that you are getting the insecurities of both though

so Capricorns’ “I will never be enough” Mixed with Sagittarius’ “I fear emotional intimacy.”

tbh thank god he has that watery moon to balance out his fears

I think he probably expects way too much of himself. as a lot of leaders tend to

Sagittarius are outgoing and fun loving and really like sports/exercise and challenges both mental and physical

Capricorns are one of the best signs for manifesting a goal, because they are organized and intellectual and driven

also a little sarcastic so he may have a really great sense of humor

Cancer moons are pretty emotionally strong and reserved, but once they care enough to let you in, the smallest slight can really hurt them

he is a sensitive bb he just wants to hide it awwww

Mercury in Sagittarius so his communication is lively and interesting

it is literally impossible to have a boring convo with a Sagittarius mercury i swear

he thinks so deeply and expresses himself so readily that it would be a breeze to work out issues and it would be mental gymnastics to keep up

that sounds so fun sign me up

Venus is Scorpio and that’s

well. let’s get through with the fluffy implications

DEEP swings of emotion

if he likes you he likes you SO MUCH

if he doesn’t like you, you simply do not exist

Scorpio Venus's seem dark and broody with their feelings but really they just don’t want to be hurt.

Only one of his major placements are particularly physically affectionate, but none of them are particularly stand-offish either

I think it could go either way, but he may lean into his Cancer moon and prefer private physical affection, in public pretty low key, in private it is possessive and very strong

Mars in Sagittarius suggests he is strong willed and driven and won’t be held back

basically he needs someone beside him who supports but doesn’t hinder his goals, and really cheers him on when his Capricorn sun and North node tells him he will fail if he doesn’t do more

he doesn’t need protecting, he needs support and understanding and honestly he wants someone he can take care of in a very mutually beneficial way

Lets translate that into your relationship

let’s say you meet through other people

let’s be honest his big 3 aren’t going out of their way to make friends he isn’t used to

so either you meet through friends or you’re the sort of person who can strike up a convo with anyone

he needs you to stimulate him mentally

make him think even deeper or laugh a lot (He does that so that may not be difficult I have never seen someone laugh so much I am soft)

really good at setting boundaries for himself in the beginning

probably really proper

so if you want more you are probably going to have to tell him

he seems like the friends to lovers type oooo my favorite trope

because of cancer and capricorn being very feeling and reserved

so after time goes by you may just have to ask him

“Hey, this is crazy maybe, but I really like you, do you want to go on a date?”

I have a feeling he will laugh for a while and try to figure out if you are serious

remember cap energy is basically i am not good enough try harder

so he may not really believe you

you’re going to have to appeal to his water signs

“I really meant it, It wasn’t a joke, It’s okay if you don’t like me back though.”

oh now he is embarrassed and flustered

that won’t last too long

his action sign of mars in Sagittarius is like go gettem tiger

and he will

something to know

once you are his you’re not getting out of it easy

Cancer moons do not like short term or non serious relationships

he won’t say yes unless he has you completely.

THIS HAS GOTTEN SO LONG WHAT AM I

affection wise it is going to be pretty thoughtful

he seems the type that once he has fallen, you’re already such an intrigal part of his life that you just fit into all his cracks the way he needs

so it’ll seem normal if you start spending the night

and he will be so sweet

make you dinner and have you sitting on the counter top having deep discussions as he does

and he will have his sleeves pushed up to his elbows and his hair falling into his eyes and he will look up at you and smile when he meets your eyes

I’m going to implode

or like, if he is comfortable in the setting with people he knows he won’t mind pulling you into his lap with a little tug on your wrist

and if you look at him unsure he will give you the most disarming smile

and you’ll melt

honestly he will want to take care of your heart more than his own

he will have so many feelings and he will want to tell you all of them

he will ask you to talk about your feelings but he will also spend a lot of time guarding your heart against any heartbreak

will be your biggest cheerleader and your shoulder to cry on

wants an equal love that feels intense and devoted

Scorpio venus can even be a bit too intense for some people

so when you finally can see the depth and you’re not just looking at what he shows, but instead what you know to be there, you might be totally flabbergasted

Scorpios are the darkest waters that run so so so so so deep.

deep enough you might drown when you look in his eyes

but what a way to go, huh?

OOOF I AM NOT READY

18 + below the cut

oh my god this is such a mess already I -

all this water with all this fire and earth

Cancer moon and Scorpio venus are a HOT mix of signs for lovers I am honestly a wreck just thinking about it

Both are such sensual, deep feeling emotions

and Capricorns, while very logical, have a deep desire for control and order

not to mention that cusp energy says he has that fiery Sagittarius energy and WHEW

let’s get down to the dirty huh?

Van makes love

he makes love SO so gently in the beginning

God he's scared he will break you

like he is terrified you’ll shatter like glass in his hands

a little teasing, but he will leave you fulfilled like

he just wants to see you spiral until you don’t know what way is up

Scorpio is so deep and borderline obsessive (not in a bad way, in that like he is so wrapped up in you that he can’t think of anything else when you’re with him)

your needs come before anything else and he is willing to prove it over and over and over

Your skin feels like soft flower petals in his large hardened hands and he's so caring and slow at first that it drives you insane

He's taking his time just watching you to see what you like

Observing every little thing that makes you tick

A nibble here a kiss there

But he's so soft and careful

Asking you if you're okay the entire time

So you're like

“If you don’t fuck me like you want me then don't fuck me at all.”

He's like….. 👀👀👀👀

Something in his eyes darkens cause you're talking dirty

Fuck me like you want to break me ,

Not like you're scared you will.

Shit. you have unleashed a monster, you better pray to every deity known to man

I really hope you rested well before this and were well hydrated

God NOW he wants to see you fall apart

If only to prove he can

you can’t challenge a Scorpio to anything and expect calm response

also because this burning is in there waiting to get out

He will make up for lost time with

Devastating thrusts that pinpoint that spot inside with accuracy that leaves you thrashing and crying out incoherently

And hes smirking

Like wtf He doesn't look winded or lost in pleasure

He's fucking smiling and enjoying watching you take it

some part of him really wanted that all along

remember those still waters run so deep and honey he intends to hit it deep deep

Size kink?

I feel this way because he CLEARLY likes to show off how big he is

and i saw somewhere he has said his type is someone small he can cuddle (cuddle eh?)

And he's shown off how much larger his hands are in comparison to other members we get it you are probably packing a python okay we understand

So yeah he wants to make you feel small but also protected

like i feel like like his reason behind the kink is he wants you to feel like he's this huge protective body between you and the world

That being said he wants to span those large hands across your stomach and tell you how beautiful and delicate you look in his grasp

he wants you to feel helpless with pleasure

The way he snaps his hips into you will likely depend on the severity of you teasing him

punishment through pleasure anyone?

Probably lifts one of your legs up over one large shoulder to get deeper

Shit thats hot his collar bones are the prettiest thing ever

but i salute your cervix for trying to survive it

And because he's so tall it lifts you off the bed an inch or two,

so you're dangling and he's pulling you by your hips into his cock

Vigorous and solid thrusts that could shatter a pelvis but instead just shatter your sanity

A lot of asking how you like it but in a really caring tone with a cocky smirk

You shit ill fight you idc if I am smol i will fiiiight

Probably likes to be bitten

Like shit have you seen his neck its so long and beautiful

Littering it with kisses as you grind down into his lap will make him lose his resolve so fast

wants to feel needed emotionally and physically

he’s so weak and whipped for you because he is in so deep he will give you whatever you want

you only have to ask

but that doesn’t mean he will let you take over

no no

shit

Scorpio and Cancer he is jealous for your pleasure

He’s going to prove to you that no one could ever fuck you like he could

He's patient but he's unable to say no to you if you're needy

Hes honestly just so in love he can't deny you something he loves to give you anyway

Champion oral

Probably prefers receiving but only asks if you like it

If you like having your face fucked he's down to try it

but i think he’d be hesitant until you came off his cock gasping and panting and begging for more

like shove his hand between your legs to feel how wet it made you

Then he's down to do it constantly

because “fuck you’re so pretty wrecked for me.”

that’s so hot what the fuck

Loves seeing your lips wrapped around him and definitely holds your hair back so he can watch

Strikes me as really really good stamina and self control

Won’t cum until hes ready to no matter what manner of teasing you pull

After care is honestly gold medal award winning

planned it out before hand and took all your likes into account

has your favorite lotion lined up and will give you a gentle massage after clean up

mumbles how much he loves you and how you’ll be together for so long and what your future together will look like

he can wait for all of it , but it’s his favorite fantasy

and he wants to share his world with you

honestly he is so husband my soul has ascended

HEY I SURVIVED IT BARELY

I hope you enjoyed it sorry I got carried away.

Thank you all for being patient with me as I work through requests!

you’re fab and I love you 💖💖💖

#vav fanfiction #vav smut #vav st van #st van #vav st van fanfic #vav st van smut #i am a whole mess and this nearly killed me #dont touch me i am fragile my imagination is too active and i wanna combust now #kpop fanfiction #kpop astrology asks #kpop astrology #astrology asks

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hecallsmehischild · 5 years ago

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Recent Media Consumed

Movies

Violet Evergarden: Eternity and the Auto Memory Doll. I was disappointed by the movie. If they had taken this concept and developed a new season around it, it might have had way more emotional impact, but I felt like we either didn’t have enough context to understand the weight of certain decisions or (more likely) we were given situations that were shoe-horned for the emotional drama and conflict they can bring, without any good reason behind them. That being said, it was fun seeing characters doing what characters do, and this show has gorgeous animation that was lovely to watch. Good eye candy, frustrating story.

Books

Basic Economics by Thomas Sowell. This was recommended to me by my housemate. I started reading it March 14th and it took me until June 6 to finish it. The beginning was a lot easier to understand than I thought it would be, but as I struggled through the middle, I realized it was best to take it slow with these concepts. I listened for a short segment, then set it aside and did something completely different, then came back to it days or weeks later to continue. I will likely be doing a re-read of this at some point, but I think I’ve got the gist from this first reading. If the Freakonomics books helped me look at “Where are the incentives pointing?” then this book hammers in the concept of “limited resources that have alternative uses” and all the implications that stem from that. I found it to be worth the time it takes to understand it. My takeaways are that, and the idea that it is impossible to remove the concept of cost from existence, it is only possible to transfer cost, and that this covers much more than just situations that have to do with money.

Intellectuals and Race by Thomas Sowell. This guy reasons things out pretty thoroughly, and no cow is sacred to him. Both are things I admire in people who tackle difficult topics. I want to read a lot more of what he’s written. Apparently this book is a subsection of a book called Intellectuals and Society, though expanded and revised into its own book. I will probably be reading that next. The biggest take-away I have from this book is to beware of people who support an idea that imposes no cost on them (but extreme cost on others) if they are wrong, and that it isn’t wrong to ask for evidence and hard facts, no matter how sacred-seeming the topic you are addressing. Being “on the side of the angels” is less important than the truth, no matter how right an idea may seem.

Games

Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Holy cow, you guys. Do you understand that I don’t do controller-based games? I can’t. I didn’t grow up playing them, and I dismissed all such games as impossible for me to learn at this stage in my life. How could I ever master the muscle memory necessary for games like Bioshock or Last of Us or Skyrim? It was forever out of my reach. Until. I watched a couple Youtube videos by a guy who had his wife play video games for the first time, a series about Gaming for Non-Gamers, and he covered Breath of the Wild. And I realized that this game actually teaches you, better than most other games, how to use its mechanics. And I also realized, for the first time, that video games have their own language, MUCH LIKE BOOKS AND LITERATURE ACTUALLY HAVE A SEPARATE LANGUAGE AND CONVENTIONS THAT HEAVY READERS AND WRITERS CAN RECOGNIZE. Once I realized there’s a purposeful language, I started looking for it, and recognizing it as I tried Breath of the Wild. Guys. It’s been a month, and I just beat the Divine Beast… I forget the name, but it’s the elephant. And I took almost no damage. Now, all that being said… this game is also hard-core tripping my addiction issues. I lose 7 hours without blinking while playing this game, sometimes longer. And also, I stop caring about other things. Like writing. Like cleaning. Like… contacting people. Those are all symptoms that accompanied my addiction to text based roleplaying. I am also using it to numb some current anxieties, which is ANOTHER addiction signal. So, for now, I’m going to haul back and put strict limitations on my playing. If it’s still a problem, I may need to drop it. But even if I do, the fact that I’m doing as well as I am continues to re-inforce an idea that slowly gains ground in me: many things that I dismiss out of hand as “I can’t do it, I don’t have the skills,” are things I can learn. I don’t think that is true for ALL things, however, it is true for more things than I have ever allowed as possible, and that is incredibly encouraging.

Anime

Log Horizon. This was fun, just lots of fun to watch. I’ve never played a MMORPG, but my recent base of learning the D&D system helped me understand most components of the MMORPG I was watching in this show (and my game-loving husband filled in the rest of the blanks). Unfortunately I found the second season to be confusing. It dropped a large number of new characters and motivations on us with little to no explanation, then didn’t spend time developing our understanding (or even exploring our lack of understanding) with them before throwing our heroes into conflict with them. Felt like they expected us to know where they were going, but I didn’t understand what was going on. In spite of that, the dialogue was spot on the whole time, in ways I found amusing because of how closely they parallel life OUTSIDE the game world. All in all, very enjoyable anime, and I look forward to the…. new season dropping later this year? Heck yes!

#child loves movies #child loves books #child loves anime #n00b gamer child #recent media consumed #mind your peas and queues

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imaginaryelle · 5 years ago

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Okay, @tonyglowheart , here is that promised response:

@three--rings already brought up some points I was going to mention so I’ll skip over going into detail on those and just say that I agree with the use of caution and thoughtfulness in approaching works produced by other cultures (of whatever language), and I, too, love a mash-up of MDZS and CQL for ideal storytelling. Accepting genre tropes in general is really important as well. I once showed my grandfather a piece of my writing based on pulp adventure stories like Indiana Jones and his main reaction was “All these secret chambers and codes and gadgets, isn’t that all very convenient?” and I just had to shrug and say, that’s the genre, it’s part of what makes it fun to read. Also, based on reading about various medicinal histories I’ve been exploring, I can say that the coughing up blood thing is a trope based in Ancient China’s traditional medicine. Lots of pre-understanding-of-blood-circulation societies thought expelling old or stale blood was important for the body (possibly based on how menses works and reflected in Western medicine’s several-century-long obsession with bloodletting), and I recently read that having it caught in your chest and needing to cough it up was part of China’s take on things. I’m still not sure about all the other face bleeding, but if it’s not actually based in something historical it seems like a reasonable extension for the genre.

Okay, so the thing I want to respond to most is the translation bit, because I… okay. I understand that people are going to find works in translation less accessible than works written in a language they can read, and especially works written in their native language and of their own culture. Because obviously there are a ton of underlying ideas that inform word choice and symbolism and character arcs that most people just don’t really think about until they make a serious study of writing or literature (or they travel and learn more about other languages and literature traditions). On a linguistic studies level, language literally shapes the way humans in different cultures think, and what they pick out as important (an academic article that compares English and Chinese specifically can be found here). Even the distinctions between British English and American English, on a word choice and theme or syntax level, can have an impact. I have seen it turn kids off a book, because there are just too many elements they don’t get (this is, for example, why there are two English versions of Harry Potter). Same thing with different decades even. I’m talking about kidlit and YA here because that’s a lot of what I work with, but in that realm, the way we approach stories today is just incredibly different from how they were approached even 50 years ago, even in the same language and the same country. Think Judy Blume or The Dark is Rising vs Diary of a Wimpy Kid or Percy Jackson. And I’m fascinated by those changes, and by the effects of culture and bias on translations (I am extremely hyped to read Emily Wilson’s Odyssey translation, for example), so I tend to approach them as puzzles, where I’m reading the work, but also looking for clues that will tell me more about both the translator and the author to hang in balance. I enjoy that part, and I enjoy figuring out aspects of the two languages that can contribute to how a translation evolves.

I’m a language and literature nerd, and I know not everyone is going to take the approach I do. I’m not going to fault anyone for saying they don’t enjoy or can’t get into a translation. That’s a perfectly valid opinion. Reducing a work to its translation and judging it only on that impression of it, however, seems pretty shortsighted to me. Here are some things that I think are important to keep in mind when reading a Chinese work in translation, just based on my own extremely limited knowledge:

1. In Chinese storytelling it’s an established practice to reference idioms, poetry, folklore and historic events as a sort of shorthand for evoking the proper tone. Chinese writing tends to be extremely allusive, and much more understated than what we’re used to in English-language storytelling. We can see hints of this in some of the MDZS translator notes, and it’s likely that this difference feeds into a lot of dissatisfaction with the translation. Either the allusions are not translated in a way that adds meaning for an English-speaking reader, or the standards for detail are different. Indirectness and subtly are huge parts of Chinese literature, and so different words or scenes will have very different connotations for Chinese vs. English speaking audiences. And this isn’t even touching on the use of rhyme and rhythm in Chinese writing, which are all but impossible to translate a lot of the time, or the often extremely different approaches to “style” and “genre” between the languages (an interesting article on comparative literature is here at the University of Connecticut website). Given this knowledge, it’s entirely possible that, for example, the smut scenes are more effective in Chinese than in the English translation. In fact, I find it difficult to believe it would be popular enough to get multiple adaptations and a professional publishing run if they weren’t. In translation, smut is a lot like humor: every culture approaches it a little differently. Unless a translator is familiar with both writing traditions and the relevant genres (or they have editors or sensitivity readers who can offer advice), something is going to get lost in the process. And sometimes that something is what at least one of the involved cultures would consider to be the most important part. It’s unfortunate, but it happens.

2. Chinese grammar is slightly different from English grammar (and I’m focusing on Mandarin as the common written language here. For anyone interested, a very basic rundown of major differences is available here). Verb tenses and concepts of time work differently. Emphasis is marked differently – in English we tend to put the most importance on the start of a sentence, while in Chinese it’s often at the end. Sentences are also often shorter in Chinese than in English, and English tends to get more specific in our longer sentences. From what I understand, it’s also a little more acceptable to just drop subjects out of a sentence, and that is more likely to happen if someone is attempting to be succinct. I’ve been told that it’s especially common in contentious situations, as part of an effort to distill objections or arguments down to an essential meaning (if I’m wrong about this or there’s more nuance to it, I’m happy to learn more). As one example of how this affects translation, let’s take that and look at Lan Wangji’s dialogue. I’m willing to bet that most of his words are direct translations, or as direct as the translator could manage. But his words don’t work the same way in English that they do in Chinese. If you continuously drop subjects and articles (Chinese doesn’t have articles) out of a character’s speech in English, they start to sound like they have issues articulating themselves, and I see that idea reflected in fic a lot. The idea that Lan Wangji just isn’t comfortable talking or can’t say the words he means is all over the place, but I don’t think the audience was intended to take away the idea that Lan Wangji speaks quite as stiltedly as he comes off in the English translation. He’s terse, yes. But I at least got the impression that it’s more about choosing when and how to speak for the best effectiveness than anything else, because so many of his actual observations are quite insightful and pointed, or fit just fine syntactically within the conversation he’s part of.

3. Chinese is both more metaphorical and more concrete than English in some ways. In English we use a lot of abstract words to represent complex ideas, and you just have to learn what they mean. In Chinese, the overlap of language and philosophy in the culture results in four-character phrases of what English would generally call idioms. Some examples I found: “perfect harmony” (水乳交融) can be literally translated as “mixing well like milk and water” and “eagerly” (如饥似渴) is read as “like hunger and thirst.” If these set phrases are translated to single word concepts in English, we can lose the entire tone of a sentence and it’ll feel much more flat and... basic, or uninspired. The English reader will be left wondering where the detailed descriptive phrase is that adds emotion and connotation to a sentence, when in the actual Chinese those things were already implied.

As translations go, MDZS in particular is an incredibly frustrating mixed bag for me, partially because of the non-professional fan translation, and partially because my knowledge of Chinese literature and especially Cultivation novels is so minimal as to be nearly non-existent. But I have enough exposure to translations in general and Chinese language and literature in particular that I could tell there were things I was missing. The framework of the plot and scenes was too complete for me to ever be able to say that any particular frustration I had was due to the author, not the translator. There’s a big grey area in there that’s difficult to navigate without knowing both languages and the norms of the genre extremely well. At one point I was actually able to find multiple translation for a few of the chapters and I loved that. It was really cool to see what changed, and what remained essentially the same, and I was actually really surprised to find that rant you mention, because to me, more translations is always better. I think it was probably about wanting to corral an audience, and possibly also about reducing arguments from the audience about whether a translation was “wrong” or “right.” And that is an issue that’s going to crop up more in online spaces than it has traditionally. Professional translators don’t have to potentially argue with every single reader about their word choice. But then, professional translators also tend to have a better grasp of both the cultures they’re working with as well, and be writers of some variety in their own right, and while I can’t know how fluent (linguistically or culturally) the ExR translator was at the time, the translator’s notes lead me to believe that at minimum their understanding of figurative language use was incomplete. So I can’t fault people for not enjoying the translated novel as much as CQL, for example, because it can be quite choppy and much of the English wording feels like a sketch of a scene rather than something fleshed out fully, but I don’t think it’s fair to apply that impression to MXTX herself or the novel as a whole in Chinese.

More about ExR: I also got the sense that they have a strong bl and yaoi bias as you mentioned, mostly from the translator’s notes. And in general, okay, that’s fine, they’re working with a particular market of fans and I’m just not as much a part of that market. I knew going in that I wasn’t the target audience. I’m okay with that. What I was less okay with was getting to the end and reading the actual author’s notes in translation and finding that the author herself expressed a much more nuanced, considerate, and balanced approach to the story and her writing process than I had been led to believe by the translation and the translator’s notes. And so when people want to criticize the author for things that happen in the translation…. I just think it’s very important to remember that the translator is also a factor, as is the influence of the cultivation genre, and the nature of web novels, and the original intended audience. As you said, white western LGBT people were never the intended recipients of this work. It comes from a totally different context. But I think it’s also important to remember that, again as you noted, it wasn’t first written as a professional work. It was literally a daily-updated webnovel, which works a lot more like a fanfic than a book in terms of approach. And on top of that, it was the author’s second novel (if I’m reading things correctly) and one that they experimented with a lot of new elements in. Those elements earn a lot of forgiveness and benefit of a doubt from me.

About MXTX herself: Most of the posts or references to posts that I’ve seen that judge or dismiss her have to do with the stated sexuality of characters who are not Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. And it just kinda baffles me, because this is fandom. Most of us spend our time writing about characters who are stated to be straight all the time. Why is anyone getting up in arms about this? How can anyone in fandom just summarily dismiss an author for producing original work that centers around a gay relationship when that’s… literally what most of us write, to some extent or another? Again, I’m not saying there’s aren’t aspects that can be criticized in her stories, but the hypocrisy is kind of amazing. I think that fandom, as a culture overall, has issues with treating gay men and their relationships as toys rather than people, and individuals can address their own behavior on that as they learn and grow. That doesn’t mean that every work about gay men having sex is fetishistic, and honestly I’d say that the translator demonstrates more of that attitude than the actual story ever does. The smut is such an incredibly tiny part of the world, plots and character arcs in MDZS that it could be taken out without significantly changing the main narrative very easily. That’s… not fetishistic. That’s smut as part of an overarching romance plot.

Which leads me to the tropes discussion. Yes, obviously there are tropes in MDZS. There are tropes in every story. It’s not a failing, it’s part of writing. Are some of those tropes BL or Yaoi tropes? Sure. Wei Wuxian denying his own sexuality for much of the novel and his tendency toward submission and rape fantasy are some of the very first tropes mentioned in relation to the genre. That Wei Wuxian just sort of seamlessly moves from “pff, I’m NOT a cutsleeve, I’m just acting like one” to shouting “Lan Zhan, I really want you to fuck me” in front of friends, enemies and family without much of a process for dealing with the culture of homophobia around him also seems to be characteristic of the genre. But I think that’s about where it ends. You and @three--rings both made some good points about the nature of the actual relationship, which I agree with: There’s not much of a power play element, or an assigned gender roles element. They’re both virgins who only partially know what they’re doing from looking at illustrations of porn, and they do enthusiastically want to have sex with each other. They’re just bad at negotiating their kinks clearly and could use a decent sex ed manual. The trope I actually have the most issue with is the use of alcohol. I personally despise the trope of “I’ll get someone drunk on purpose for reasons that benefit me personally,” due to my own real life experiences. But it’s an exceedingly common trope in Western media (Idk about Chinese media, but my guess would be it exists there too), and it’s not exclusive to mlm smut scenarios. It’s pretty much everywhere. And, thankfully, Wei Wuxian does seem to eventually realize that he’s fucking things up by using it. That said, despite knowing what happens to him when he drinks, La Wangji keeps doing it. So they’re both contributing to that mess, no matter how much I dislike that it exists, and the narrative doesn’t actually condone it. No one says “Oh, Wei Wuxian, that’s such a good idea, that’s definitely something you should keep doing.” He is consistently warring with himself over it but unable to resist. It’s still dubcon and manipulation, and I certainly understand people not wanting to read it. I just also think that reducing the entire relationship down to “bad, terrible, fetishistic BL tropes” requires the reader to ignore large parts of the story and pretty evident intent on the parts of both the characters and the author.

On purity culture: Yeah, that’s obviously been cropping up all over the place the past several years (I have indeed been in marvel for ages :P). It does seem like there are places in fandom (to some degree any fandom), where “I don’t like how this idea was executed in this context” gets conflated with “This entire work is terrible,” which is a disservice to everyone involved. I agree that there are many things that can be legitimately criticized in MDZS, but I also just… really don’t understand where this attitude comes from that because something is not perfect, it’s trash. Wasn’t fandom essentially invented out of the desire to respond to canon? To make it more your own? Isn’t picking out the parts you like and ignoring the bits you don’t (or writing around the bits you hate until you can fit them in a shape you like better) pretty much what all fic is about? Aren’t those holes people are sticking their fingers into and complaining about opportunities for more fan content? But even more than “purity culture” I would term it “entitlement culture,” because a lot of it seems to be about the idea that media should fit into and support a certain set of beliefs at all times. A lot of fandoms are no longer an atmosphere of “I don’t like the way this is presented so I’m going to create my on version that works for me.” Instead there’s a growing element of “I don’t like the way this is presented so that means it’s wrong and bad and the original creator should admit that it’s wrong and bad and fix it to satisfy me.” And honestly? That’s just sad to me. More and more, we’re not having a conversation with canon, or even with each other. We’re not building what we want to see we’re just… tearing other people down. I really don’t understand what anyone finds fun in that, and I’m going to do my best to keep creating the things I actually do want to see instead.

#blah blah alex #this is about mdzs #and translation #and fandom #alcohol mention #dubcon mention

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sanjuno · 6 years ago

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BloodRaven Actually Does Something

What if the resurgence of magic was more drastic?

(By which I mean I re-read The Great Northern Alliance on a03 and it’s hilarious and brilliant and I couldn’t stop imagining stuff about it)

Like, imagine that the children born after a certain point (perhaps BloodRaven saw all his remaining relatives go nuts/start getting kicked out and decided to tip the scales a bit) start manifesting magic traits and potential. The highborn have been selectively breeding themselves and accidentally keeping the magic blood strong, but there’s also a lot of small folk, either descended from bastards/demoted families or just genetic luck, who get “tricks”. Like a pair of twins who can share their senses with each other. Or a toddler who’s dolls move. Or a little boy is attacked by his drunken father and his bottle shatters against his glass-glimmer skin.

But the focus the instigator has is on the people he actually wants to have strong abilities-everyone else is just from a ripple effect- aka his relatives (Targaryens) and the Houses who will actually prepare for winter (Major Northern Houses). Starks actually fall into both categories, and so basically all the children from Roberts Rebellion onwards in Winterfell-shire can do something weird. (And in the free cities there are rumours of unnatural children being born, and a Dornish girl hisses to snakes in the shadow of the Tower of Joy).

Stark children “talents”. I’m thinking they can all warg, at least a little. It’s the baseline manifestation of magic. Not a lot, but as the talent ripples out it becomes a boon to sending messages.

Robb picked up his “template” from the far ancient intermarriage the First Men had with the Children of the Forest. Roots climb up his boots if he stands still too long, plants flourish under his gaze. The weirwood trees whisper to him, and let him give them new faces and children. It’s not particularly useful in a fight, but an army under Robb Stark will never go hungry. And if he has a slight green tinge to his skin, and eats a little less than he should, who will know?

Jon Snow may look like his mother, but his many times grand uncle made sure that it was his father’s blood that shaped the awakening magic. The Valerians had children with their siblings do you really think they wouldn’t try and weave the dragons in there somehow as well? Jon doesn’t burn, has never been hurt by heat, and when his rage builds so does the fire in his lungs. Scales sleep under his skin, ready to protect him. No blade seems to do more than well up a tiny amount of blood when Jon Snow wades into battle.

Theon Greyjoy was an accident. An accident that turned out for the best, but still an accident. He came into his abilities late, it taking a year or so exposed to Brynden Rivers’ best efforts before there were results, and even then it wasn’t noticed till Theon dived into a river to save a Bran that was too young to know how to swim. The first Greyjoy took a mermaid to wife, and her blood resurged in her descendent. Water is like air to Theon, and no matter the depth to which he dives, pressure will never be a problem. Less useful is understanding the creatures of the water. That doesn’t mean obey, and they cannot understand any human other than Theon. It does help his claim to heirship when he returns to the Iron Islands with a pod of kracken.

Sansa Stark is a … difficult case. The White Walkers are tied to the Starks, in ways that only they know. But Sansa can walk barefoot through the snow, and haarfrost forms on her fingertips when a presumptive Southron sees a pretty Northern maid travelling to meet her mother’s kin. When the Northern armies cannot win, they fall back into the deep forest, and Sansa Stark steps onto the field, ice woven like lace through her blood red hair, and her Tully eyes burn bright. The Heiress to the Night King smiles like her wolf as every dead man on the field stands up.

Arya Stark actually pulls from her mother’s line. The Tully’s are Andals, and have been devout every since their first crossed the sea with a seven pointed star on their sails. Now a way has been opened for the seven-who-are-one and this child has the potential for any of their faces. Arya Stark can pull on one of the faces of her patron(s), and gains almost impossible skill in that concept. If one did not know how old she was, it could be attributed to a lifetime of study and practice. Arya Stark dislikes stepping into her mother’s sept. The light and statues that turn to face her draw too much attention. The travelling Septon bows to her on the road, and he doesn’t know why he listens to her arguments.

Bran Stark has two Uncle Bryndens. One of them isn’t actually related to him, and he’s never met the other, but they are still his Uncles. Bran has been drifting from mind to mind since he was four, and has been the apprentice to the Three eyed Raven for almost as long. Every creature could have him hiding behind its eyes, listening. Everything ever spoken near a weirwood tree is ready for his perusal. When the North goes goes to war, Bran makes sure his Brothers know everything. And their enemies never think about the rat crouched under their chair. Listening.

Rickon Stark is still young, but his talent for learning languages is already catching attention. Things he writes in the surviving words of the Old Tongue seem strange somehow. Things become much clearer when he recreates a miniature of the Wall from snow, paper, and bloodied ink. His first project is a war table for his elder brother, with the everfrozen ice taking pride of place.

(I have more for other Northern Houses, “wild” talents for the small folk, and what’s happening with and around Viserys and Daenaerys. Also does anyone know where all the Sand Snakes were prior to Oberon picking them up and training them to kill?)

The first idea with much crazier powers could be a ton of fun, but at a glance I worry that it’s too skewed in the North’s favor. I get that it’s Brynden influencing the people he thinks will play the greatest role in the War for the Dawn, but it feels off to have so much of the powers concentrated among characters who already get so much in the fanfiction community. I really dig the Seven being at play with Arya, and I’d probably just take that further to other gods and faiths. Have some of the Rhoynish stuff in Dorne, maybe have Shireen with Rh'llor powers. If the Lannisters have any sort of magic blood, then naturally it would be strong as hell in Joffrey, Myrcella, and Tommen, since they’re inbred beyond the norm.

Maybe have him focus on the Ruling families, the Strong families (plus his)? or have it as a ripple effect down from whatever cave he’s huddling in, spreading South? Admittedly I do like giving the North a little help, and in universe Brynden would Want the vanguard against the Others to be strong. And I’m focusing at the characters theatre common in stories because they are the ones I know well.

But you’re right that other post rebellion children should have “talents”. What if Shireen and all Roberts Bastards all have variations on weather magic, while Cercei’s children all take after the Lannister mind manipulation or stone singing?

Anyway. I’m thinking there are baseline abilities before the quirk that ancestry or environment gave them. These were set up last time magic spread across the world. Those of First Men blood can warg a little, to a single close animal at minimum. Those of Andal blood may use Septon blessed boundaries to slow or even stop those who are against them. Valerians are fireproof, or at least resistant. And the Royinar ( nowadays Dornish) heal faster, to a varying degree, when in water.

Magic in a person is another tool of survival, and though it may be shaped by ancestry, in manifestation and power, what the wielder needs to survive, to live, is what shapes it. A starving child becomes capable of eating rot without ever sickening, an abused one skin hardens to steel. A child who is fed to the point of vomiting learns to burn fat into bursts of incredible speed and strength and thought .

#not my bunny #but still super cool #I really like this bunny #the North remembers #BloodRaven actually does something #submission

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quicksilversquared · 6 years ago

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A Mountain of Fun

A field trip to a downhill ski area doesn't sound that out of the ordinary. But add in two (only slightly) panicky dorks who have never skied before (and their very unhelpful friends), and you get a fun day, full of snow and laughter and hopefully not too many bumps and bruises.

links in the reblog

Everyone had been looking forward to this day for ages. Getting out of the classroom, getting out of Paris, and being outdoors for a day. It had been talked up for weeks, people checking with each other- can you come? Can you come? How about you?- to make sure that their friends would be there, too. They had talked about nothing else for the days leading up to it, and now it was here.

The school field trip to a downhill ski area. They had taken a train out of Paris early- too early for Marinette's liking, and she had napped for most of their time on it- and now a bus was shuttling them from the train station the rest of the way to their destination.

Despite the fact that most of the group had either never been skiing before or hadn't really skied much, the excitement levels were high. Kim and Alix boasted about what runs they wanted to do, each talking up larger and harder slopes until Ms. Bustier put her foot down and informed them in no uncertain terms that some of the slopes would be off-limits to them, since the teachers weren't comfortable with how potentially dangerous they could be and there was no way of knowing if their parents would be okay with it..

"We are not going to have any broken arms today," she told them sternly. "So if you want to go off on your own and do anything bigger than the bunny hill, we'll have an instructor go with you for a run or two to make sure that you can handle it."

"They could have asked our parents, too," Alya pointed out as Kim and Alix settled back down with nearly identical pouts on their faces. "I've been downhill skiing loads of times. I'm not going to do anything crazy, of course, but I can definitely move off of the bunny hill."

"Yeah, I'm mostly going to be on the blue slopes, and maybe some of the easiest red slopes," Nino agreed, and both Adrien and Marinette frowned.

"Red slopes? Blue slopes? What does that mean?"

"Intermediate and beginner slopes," Alya explained. "It's the classification system, so that people know what hills they'll be able to do safely before they get to the top of the hill. I'd be surprised if all of the red hills are open to us, actually. There's a couple that are easier and then a few that are more difficult even within the red classification, so people can choose what they want."

Marinette nodded nervously. She hadn't ever been downhill skiing before, so everything was so new. "Why don't they make smaller classification types, then? Wouldn't it make sense to mark hills as specifically as possible so that people don't get hurt?"

"That's what all of the waivers are for," Nino joked, waving the forms that they had been given to fill out at home. "We sign our lives away before we even get out there."

"Not helping."

"They usually have write-ups of the slopes in the brochure," Alya told Marinette, sounding tired. "Nora had a copy from when she went last year with some of her friends, so I've been looking at them and deciding which ones I want to try. I'll start on the easier slopes, I think, and work my way up."

Marinette nodded. She would be starting on the bunny hill, and in all honesty would probably be staying there. Even though her coordination had improved since becoming Ladybug, putting heavy boots and skis on her feet would probably throw all of that out the window. She probably wouldn't see Alya all day, which was disappointing. But she didn't want to hold Alya back, either, and being on the bunny hill when she was used to intermediate slopes wouldn't be fun at all.

"I wouldn't even touch red slopes in some places," Nino was saying when Marinette tuned back in. "The really big areas that are way out? Nope, not a chance. I like my neck too much. But this is a smaller area, so the slopes aren't as long or as steep as some places."

"There was one place I went to once- because my mom was catering for a party there, we got free passes- where I only dared touch, like, half of the green slopes," Alya agreed. "And then there were people whipping down the black slopes, and I was just like, are you nuts? You could die! And there were always accidents. Several injuries per day wasn't uncommon- but not necessarily bad injuries!" Alya added hastily, seeing the looks on Adrien and Marinette's faces. "Like, sprains and concussions. I mean, there were some broken bones, but-"

"Alya, just stop talking," Nino cut her off with a laugh. "The injuries were on the more difficult hills. The most you'll get on the bunny hill is a couple bruises, probably."

"I'm not liking these qualifiers," Adrien told Marinette. "And there seem to be a lot of them."

"It'll be fine, I promise!"

"So Alya, if you ski so much, why don't you have your own equipment?" Marinette wanted to know, changing the topic before Alya and Nino could devolve into debating all the possible injuries that one might be able to get on the bunny hill. "Nino does."

"I outgrew mine last year," Alya admitted grumpily. "And I'm not tall enough for Nora's old skis yet. So I'm renting this year and probably next year, too, unless my dad has an afternoon off and we can make it to a used equipment store or something."

"Downhill stuff isn't cheap," Nino added. "My family always buys used. Used, or deeply, deeply discounted, when the stores have old stock sales."

"I did bring my own helmet, though, since I don't really want to use the ones in the rental shop," Alya told them. "And my goggles. I didn't outgrow those."

Marinette's anxiety mounted as the bus continued down the highway, even as their conversation moved onto other topics. She could already see herself tripping and falling and somehow breaking an arm or a leg or something- or worse, breaking someone else's bones. Maybe she would accidentally stab someone with a pole while falling. Maybe…

Oh, gosh, what if she hurt Adrien? She'd never be able to face him again.

"They won't give beginners poles." Nino's voice cut Marinette's thoughts short. He was talking to Adrien, who looked about as concerned as Marinette felt. "It's just one more thing to trip over and worry about. You don't need 'em, really. Not for the basic runs."

"Oh, thank god."

The bus slowed and turned onto a smaller road, and the excited chatter in the bus turned up another degree. They wound through a tall forest of pine trees, branches brushing over the top of the bus.

"Oh, great," Adrien muttered. "If there are trees like this on the hill, we're going to end up running into them, aren't we?"

Nino whacked his shoulder. "Stop worrying so much."

"Sorry, that's impossible."

"Oh my god, you're such a downer, dude."

The bus continued through the trees for a bit, winding upwards. Slowly, the trees thinned out and bright white snow replaced their view, extending out in all directions as far as the eye could see. Automatically, Marinette peered out the window at the gleaming slopes outside. Immediately, though, she wished that she hadn't.

"That's small?" she demanded in a squeak, eyes bugging out of her head as she whipped around to face Alya. Behind her, she could hear Adrien expressing a similar sentiment to Nino. "And we'll be going down those? Alya-"

"Oh, relax," her (absolutely insane) friend told her, grinning. "It'll be fun!"

Adrien's nerves weren't going away as they were shepherded into the building and through the rental area. The hills were huge, super tall and long and steep. Almost no one else seemed surprised by that, which meant that they had probably gone downhill skiing at least once before or at least was more familiar with the concept than he was.

Well, almost no one except for Marinette. She seemed as intimidated as he did, which was honestly a relief. They could stick together and be terrified as a team.

The workers behind the rental counter worked together almost seamlessly, shuttling their class through the area incredibly quickly, considering that the entire lycée was going through at once and it looked like absolute pandemonium to him. Then they were bundled up and shuffled outside to meet their instructors.

Adrien did not see any hills that didn't look absolutely terrifying. They were all tall, all steep, and worst of all-

"Why isn't there any room to stop at the bottom?!"

-there were really only maybe a dozen meters between the bottom of the closest several slopes and the mesh fence right in front of the chalet. Marinette was staring at that space with a look of horror on her face, clutching at Alya's arm as though her friend could change that somehow.

"You start slowing down before you hit that bit," Alya told them. "Slow and then turn so that you run along the bottom instead of straight into the building."

"How?"

Adrien wanted to know that, too.

"They'll teach you," Nino reassured them. "You won't just hop on the hill without any idea of what to do. They'll tell you how to slow down and stop first."

"But we're just supposed to go up without any practice?" Adrien demanded, voice coming out embarrassingly high. "There's no short slope to practice on first?"

Nino gave him a disbelieving look. "Dude, that is the short slope."

Adrien made a noise that he wasn't sure was entirely human.

"Can the more experienced skiers come this way, please!" one of the instructors called. "We're just going to do a quick run or two down the hill before we turn you guys loose."

"Right, see you guys later," Nino told them with a grin. "Don't die on us!"

Alya slapped his shoulder. "Nino, don't joke about that!"

"I was just trying to be funny, I swear!"

And then Adrien and Marinette were left on their own. Adrien suddenly wondered if it would be suspicious if he vanished and Chat Noir appeared to ski in his place. He would feel a lot safer in a indestructible super suit, but somehow he suspected that his classmates weren't that oblivious.

They watched as their more experienced classmates hopped onto the lift, slowly ascending the slope before vanishing at the top. There were a few minutes of nothing, and then they started appearing, zipping down the hill like it was nothing.

As though there wasn't an entire freaking building at the bottom, solid and imposing and unmoving.

Someone was doing fancy zigzags, curving from side to side as they went down. They all started slowing down as they approached the base of the hill, though Adrien couldn't tell how.

Whose bright idea was it to strap bits of plastic and metal to their feet and go plummeting down a hill? Seriously, how did anyone find that fun?

The group piled back onto the lift and headed back up. Adrien would have kept watching, but the instructors had started dividing the rest of the students up into groups and he wanted to be sure that he stayed with Marinette. They could fall down the hill together.

And then their lesson started. Adrien listened as closely as he could, trying to soak up all of the information before they got sent down the slopes. He was hoping that Nino was joking, that the actual bunny hill was hidden away somewhere, but no such luck.

At least it wasn't one of the hills with the chalet immediately at the bottom. If they didn't stop or turn right away, at least they wouldn't go straight into the side of the building, just the mesh fence and all of the ski racks at the side of the building.

(Well. Unless they turned in the wrong direction, they wouldn't go into the side of the building. If they did, they would be in for a world of pain.)

"I'm honestly surprised that we're still doing field trips like this," Marinette said quietly as they were shuffled towards the lift. "What with Hawkmoth's akumas interrupting class so often…"

Adrien nodded. It was a struggle for the teachers to stay caught up on the curriculum when classes were interrupted, and although not all attacks caused interruptions (for the majority of the school, at least), the ones that did added up over time. He had only dared to leave the city because Hawkmoth and his kwami had been injured in the last attack, two weeks prior, and their magic hadn't recovered enough yet for him to be able to akumatize anyone. "Maybe they knew that people would complain if they canceled. I bet a lot of people were looking forward to it."

"Crazy people."

Adrien could only laugh and agree.

They were up next for the lift, and Adrien's knuckles turned white under his gloves as he sat down and gripped the bars. His feet felt awkward and heavy- a huge change from when he was fencing, or playing basketball, or being Chat Noir- and his skis clunked together and criss-crossed as they lifted up into the air. Marinette didn't look like she was faring much better.

They climbed up, and up, and up. The top of the hill grew closer, and Adrien gulped as he glanced back down the slope.

Could he just stay on the lift and go back down? He had changed his mind, he didn't want to do this.

Their instructor left them no choice. She met them at the top, ushering them off and into a haphazard line.

"We'll go two at a time, to make sure that we aren't tripping over each other," she told them. "Ready?"

"Nope," Adrien muttered under his breath, and next to him, Marinette let out a nervous giggle.

In pairs, starting with the people who had skied a couple times before, the group started down the hill. They wobbled, swerving unevenly back and forth as they made their way down the hill.

It didn't look any smaller from the top. Adrien gulped, watching the line get shorter and shorter as he and Marinette got closer to the front.

And then the first of the first-timers went, sliding haltingly down the hill.. They let out a screech as they fell, only a dozen meters or so from the top of the hill.

That was embarrassing. Adrien hoped that he wouldn't do that. He had a reputation as athletic and coordinated that he wanted to uphold, so hopefully he wouldn't be wiping out. Not right away, at least.

If he got to the bottom of the hill and wiped out, that would probably be understandable. Bottom or two-thirds of the way, at least. Of course, if he fell then, he would probably be going faster than he really wanted. Going faster and coming to a sudden stop would probably mean a higher chance of breaking bones or otherwise injuring something, right?

...maybe he could swallow his pride and be fine with falling earlier. He probably wouldn't have a lot of choice in the matter, after all. And the only people who might actually judge him- Kim and Alix, mostly, plus a couple people from his fencing team- were already scattered across the mountain, far out of sight.

And Marinette wouldn't tell anyone. She would probably be falling right next to him on their way down the hill.

"Okay, you two next," their instructor told them. "Snowplow the entire way down, so that you don't pick up speed, and then get out of the way once you reach the bottom."

Adrien gulped and glanced down the hill. Nope, it hadn't shrunk at all since the last time he had looked. Not even a little bit. Still, Marinette was inching her way forward, so he couldn't stall any longer.

His skis inched over the edge, and then he was moving downward in starts and stops, wavering uncertainly. Marinette had started making a noise that was not unsimilar to a teakettle as she moved down the hill, just a bit faster than Adrien was going.

He managed a smile at that. Even when flustered, Marinette was cute.

"Wait, how do I turn at the bottom again?" Marinette yelled as they reached the halfway point. "I've forgotten!"

"You do something else with your skis, I think!" Adrien hollered back from nearly a dozen meters behind her. "At least I hope that that's what it is, because that's what I was planning on doing!"

Marinette turned her head partway, clearly about to give him a dubious look, but then she wobbled alarmingly and whipped back to face the front, arms extended to try to keep her balance. Adrien winced, fully expecting her to fall, but she didn't. Surprisingly enough, Marinette made it to the bottom of the hill upright and wobbled across the flat part at the base of the hill, finally inching to a halt right before the plastic mesh fence.

Adrien was still a third of the way up the hill, inching his way down at a much slower pace.

"Are you scared of going faster?" Plagg asked, popping his head out of Adrien's jacket. "This is so slow!"

"I picked this speed and I'm sticking to it," Adrien insisted. He tried adjusting his skis and squawked when he jolted forward. "It's a perfectly good speed."

"Your friend is already at the bottom of the hill," Plagg pointed out helpfully.

"Yeah, she must have been doing something different." Adrien wobbled as he hit a bump in the snow, windmilling his arms to stay up. "I'll get there. Eventually."

"Yeah, tomorrow."

"I don't exactly have a supersuit on right now," Adrien pointed out tensely. "If I fall or run into anything, I could actually get hurt. And if I get hurt, then I can't fight akumas as well as usual."

Plagg groaned loudly. "Oh my god, I can tell already why you don't have any downhill skiing experience, you're such a worrywart. I'm surprised that your parents didn't have you learn."

"Neither of them liked it, so why would they teach me?" Adrien let out a yelp as his ski hit a bump and made him wobble. "And I can see why they wouldn't like it, too!"

Plagg snorted and retreated back into Adrien's jacket as they finally got to the bottom of the hill. Adrien wobbled to a stop, then shuffled his way over towards Marinette.

"I thought that I wouldn't be able to stop," Marinette told him with a laugh. "I nearly hit the fence!"

"At least it wouldn't have been a hard hit," Adrien pointed out. "And you were going faster than I was. I was going at the approximate speed of a particularly tired snail."

Marinette giggled, and they moved over to join the rest of the group. "I wanted to go slower, but I didn't dare adjust my skis at all. By the time I was halfway down, I was fine with it. Mostly."

Adrien grinned at that.

It wasn't long before their instructor joined them. She waved them into a tight group, then smiled at them. "Okay! That was a nice first run. Now we're going to divide up a bit- people who didn't fall on the run will try doing a loose zigzag. Maddie will demonstrate- you want to go from one side of the run to the other and back, very shallow zigzags so that you don't go too fast. People who fell will do another snowplow run."

"Oh god," Adrien muttered as the assistant instructor started divvying them up. "Zigzags? That sounds like it requires adjusting the skis mid-hill."

He wasn't looking forward to that. There would no doubt be several seconds of the skis facing directly downhill while they made the turn itself, and if they weren't turned in time he could find himself zipping straight down the hill.

"I promise not to laugh if you fall," Marinette offered helpfully. "As long as you don't laugh when I fall."

"And I'll even promise to do my best to not fall on you if you fall," Adrien said with a laugh. "I'm not sure how much my best counts for, though."

They rode up the lift again, waiting anxiously in line for their turn. Their assistant instructor went first, making smooth turns before heading easily across the snow again. The first pair went, and Adrien was surprised when there was no falling.

Then he remembered that oh, right, some of the others have skied before. They just hadn't skied much, which was why they were in lessons with the rest of the beginners. They would be more confident than he and Marinette were on their skis, just not confident enough to head off without a review first.

"I can't wait for lunch," Marinette commented as they inched forward in line. "Getting off this hill and having a break? Eating food? That I can handle."

"I think we have to have mastered the basics before we can go in," Adrien said glumly, because now that she mentioned it he was remembering the food choices on the menu that he had looked up, and some of the offerings sounded really good. "And maybe it's a good thing. If they can make this at all enjoyable before we go in, maybe I'll go back out after eating instead of staying in and playing games on my phone."

Marinette made a face. Clearly she was in favor of just staying in. Adrien was leaning that way too, to be honest, but he had only done one run so far. Maybe it would get better.

Of course, maybe he would end up falling down on his face like the person who had just started their run down the hill. That didn't look comfortable.

And then it was time for him and Marinette to go.

Adrien gulped as their instructor angled him and then gave him a gentle push off the top of the hill. He started across the hill, at a shallow enough angle that he wasn't picking up too much speed, right at the trees that bordered the run.

He wasn't a fan of that bit. Couldn't the run be bordered by cushions or something? Maybe some pillows?

Behind him, Marinette's teakettle noise had started up again. Adrien chanced a glance behind him, spotting Marinette as she caught up to him.

Apparently she was going faster than him again.

Marinette took the turn before he did, letting out a tiny cheer as she successfully got herself turned around. Adrien tried to follow, and instead found himself angled a little too far down.

Oh, no. He didn't like this. Not one bit. Not at all. He wanted off, now.

"Adrien!"

"Shoot shoot shoot, what do I do?" Adrien yelped, wobbling as he picked up more speed. "Plagg-"

"Turn, kid! Turn or fall!" Plagg had stuck his head out again and was watching nervously as the opposite side of the slope approached quickly. "Or do that snowplow thing that you were doing earlier!"

Adrien tried. He pushed his heels out and his toes in, trying to put on the brakes. Instead, his skis got tangled up and he pitched forward into the snow. There was a loud click from the vague direction of his feet, and he had enough presence of mind to hope that it was his boot or the ski instead of his bones or something else important before he hit the ground face-first.

Nothing seemed to hurt, at least. Well, except for the sting of the snow against his face.

"Adrien, are you okay?" Marinette's worried voice cut through Adrien's mental groan (he couldn't have at least had a slightly dignified tumble? It had to be a complete and utter failure of a fall?) "Adrien- oh! Your ski!"

Adrien extracted his face from the snow in time to see one of his rented skis head down the rest of the hill without him. He stared after it for a few seconds- that explained the click, at least- then heaved a sigh and planted his face right back in the snow.

There was a distinct snicker from his jacket. Apparently Plagg was amused by the situation. That made exactly one of them.

"Adrien, can you get up?" Marinette pressed, and Adrien resigned himself to getting up. There was no point in needlessly worrying his friend just because he was embarrassed. "Adrien?"

"'M fine," Adrien assured her, pushing himself to his knees. To his surprise, Marinette was only a meter away and had somehow managed to grind to a near-halt without falling herself. He blinked at her, and after a moment realized that she had probably been headed straight for where his head had been before she had stopped herself.

Well. That was fortunate that she seemed to be doing better than he was at downhill skiing, at least.

Marinette's whole body drooped with relief. "Oh, good! I was worried! That looked like a nasty fall," she added. "And your legs kind of went at funny angles, too, so…"

"Everything feels all right," Adrien told her hastily. Then, just to lighten the mood, he added, "Well, except for my pride. But it'll recover."

Marinette was still watching him like a hawk. "Are you sure?"

"I promise." Adrien glanced down the hill, where his ski had settled against the side of the building. "I'm not sure how I'm meant to get down now, though. If downhill skiing sounded hard, downhill skiing with only one ski sounds even harder."

Marinette craned her neck and wobbled dangerously. Adrien winced, fully expecting her to topple over on him. Miraculously, though, she stayed up. "I think I see one of the instructors getting it. They'll probably bring it back to you."

Adrien briefly wondered if he could just bury his face in the snow again. No other student had needed a teacher to come down and help them mid-hill, so it was embarrassing that he did.

It didn't take long at all for the instructor with Adrien's ski to get up the hill and then back down to him, expertly sliding to a stop next to him.

"Marinette, please proceed down the hill," she told Marinette, who had managed to stay relatively close to Adrien. She hadn't been able to completely stop moving, so she had made a sharp turn and was now creeping past on Adrien's downhill side. "We'll meet you down there."

With one last look at Adrien, Marinette adjusted her skis and started moving down the hill again, slow but steady.

She was definitely getting the hang of this faster than Adrien was. He would have been jealous, but honestly he was proud of her. She was dealing with her nerves a whole lot better than he was.

"All right, Adrien," the instructor said, turning to him and holding out his ski. "Let's get this on and finish the hill, all right?"

Marinette got to the bottom of the hill and turned one last time to glide along the flat area, a grin on her face as she managed it. She had wobbled pretty badly on several- well, most- of her turns, but for once her clumsy tendencies had worked in her favor. She had plenty of practice in catching herself before she properly fell, and there had only been one time when she floundered enough to have to push off the snow to stay up.

It was really a miracle that she hadn't overbalanced and fallen the other way. A miracle, or just really, really good luck.

"Good job!" Tikki told her proudly. "I told you that you could do it!"

"I just had to do the same thing I did when I was learning how to use my yo-yo, just like you told me to," Marinette told her kwami. "The fear is there, but I have to not let it overtake me and stop me from learning and trusting my gut. And then I was worried about Adrien, too, so I had to act on instinct- and it worked!" She was a little giddy, to be honest. The entire way down, she had been convinced that she was going to mess up and end up zipping into a tree, but she hadn't. When she had tried to turn, she had actually turned, just like she wanted to.

Marinette wasn't going to be going any faster anytime soon- the lazy curves that she had been doing were the perfect speed- but she had done it.

"I hope Adrien is all right," Marinette added, glancing back up the hill towards where Adrien and the extra instructor were making their way down the hill. She seemed to be making sure that he wasn't going any faster than he wanted to be. "That was a really nasty fall. I didn't even see what happened."

"I think he tried to snowplow and angled his skis too much," Tikki told her. "And then they criss-crossed and he came to a faster stop than he expected."

Marinette winced.

Adrien's face was pink when he finally got to the bottom and shuffled over to join her in line for the lift. He looked distinctly disgruntled.

"You have snow in your jacket," Marinette commented, automatically reaching up to try to brush some of it off. "That doesn't look comfortable."

Adrien winced as he reached up as well, digging his fingers down the back of his jacket and pulling out several chunks of snow. "Yeah. That's what I get for being an idiot and falling."

"You're not an idiot," Marinette said immediately. "You're just learning."

"You're learning faster than I am," Adrien said, sounding discouraged. "I mean, the rest of the run went all right, I guess, but the instructor was pretty much tugging me into place every time. I keep not being able to do turns as tightly as I want to."

"I was nearly falling every time I did the turns," Marinette pointed out. "Except for that one time when I was barely moving at all. It's not like I was zipping down effortlessly."

"I'd rather nearly fall but make the turn right than end up not making enough of a turn and send myself zipping straight into the trees." They moved into position and sat down on the lift seat before starting their ascent again. "I wish we had a shorter slope to practice on. Shorter, and less steep."

Marinette nodded. That would be nice.

During the next run, she finally fell on a turn. It wasn't a hard fall, though, and most of the other turns seemed less wobbly, so she was going to count that as improvement. Maybe this would be fun after all.

Adrien seemed less convinced. He had nearly fallen once, but had also been snowplowing all the way down, except when he was turning. It was a surprise, really, since he was fabulous at every other sport ever, it seemed, but Marinette supposed that Adrien couldn't be good at everything. Besides, maybe he had had a steep learning curve for all of his sports but it had just been so long ago that he didn't remember it. She had heard that once somewhere, that little kids were less worried about getting hurt (or maybe they just couldn't know how badly they could potentially get hurt) so they didn't hold themselves back as much as teens and adults. Maybe that was what was going on with Adrien, too.

"Is it lunch yet?" Adrien asked as they headed up again. "It has to be soon, right?"

Marinette tried not to giggle at his exaggerated pout. "You just want to be done, don't you?"

"I mean- yeah, kind of," Adrien admitted. "It's frustrating that I'm so good at other sports and yet I'm at a complete loss here."

Marinette glanced over at him, curious. "Didn't you start out not so good at your other sports, too? I mean, you didn't just get thrown into fencing and immediately start winning trophies, right?"

Adrien laughed at that. "No, definitely not. But those sports are fairly safe, you know? If I ever felt uncomfortable when I was doing them, I could just stop. And none of my normal sports ever threw me onto a slippery hill with two bits of fiberglass strapped to my feet. It's that bit I don't like." He shrugged, wriggling his feet a bit and watching little bits of snow tumble off of his skis and fall to the ground below. "But there's also a part of me that wants to get at least one good run in, you know? Like, I have to improve enough for that, to make up for the mess earlier."

...well, if Adrien's pride was going to bring him out again after lunch, Marinette wasn't going to complain. She was intrigued now, just a little bit- and she wasn't going to lie and say that she wasn't also interested in making a nice, smooth run down the hill, free (or at least largely free) of wobbles and falls.

It turned out that the ski instructor had other ideas.

"Marinette, do you want to try going a little bit faster this time?" she asked, smiling at her. "Just a little bit! You can always snowplow if you decide that you want to slow down partway down the hill."

Marinette was sure that her whole expression dropped. Faster? Well, sure, she could try it, but wouldn't faster mean that she would be more likely to fall?

"And you can snowplow going into the turns," the instructor added, as though she was reading Marinette's mind. "So that you stay upright on them."

"You can do it!" Adrien encouraged her, beaming, and, well, there was no way she was going to say no after that.

"I bet you'll do great!" Tikki whispered as Marinette and Adrien joined the line. It was shorter than before, she noticed, and it didn't take long to realize that people were both going down faster and they weren't waiting for the full group to reconvene before having people go down again.

It gave her less time to really worry over the concept of going faster, which was probably a good thing. Hopefully it would be like when akuma fights had forced her to put aside her worries and focus on the moment instead of all the possible ways that she could mess up.

At least then she had had a magic super-suit to keep her from getting injured when the learning curve was a little too steep and she ended up falling or ramming into the side of a building.

When she and Adrien went up, Marinette started first. She did her best to avoid seizing up as her skis went a little bit faster than she had gone before.

"That's it, stay relaxed and move with the skis," Tikki coached. "You're doing well!"

"I'm repressing the urge to panic," Marinette ground out through gritted teeth.

"That's great! Keep repressing!"

For some reason, that made Marinette giggle. "And here I was thinking that repressing emotions was a bad thing!"

"Repressing is good- wait, no, that's not what I meant!" Tikki giggled as well. Then she gasped. "Oh! It's almost time to turn!"

Gradually, Marinette angled her skis in, slowing herself down until she was comfortable turning. It took a few seconds after the turn to readjust so that she would go just that little bit faster, and then she was off again.

It actually….wasn't that bad. She had slowed to a crawl, and had only really needed to work a little to keep her balance.

Huh.

She crossed the ski slope again, and this time when she turned she was confident enough to go a little faster, even. She had to give herself more time to slow down before the following turn, but it wasn't bad at all.

Cross the slope. Turn. Cross. Turn. Cross. Final turn-

"Why don't you go a little faster for the bottom one?" Tikki suggested. "It'll be fun!"

Marinette made a face. It was tempting, but… "We'll see."

She slowed down to a crawl, then re-angled herself, at a tiny bit steeper of an angle. To her surprise, it didn't feel bad at all.

Maybe she was getting the hang of this after all-

"Hey! Coming through!"

Marinette yelped and veered as someone went flashing by. The sudden movement threw her off, and then she was going much faster than anticipated down the remainder of the hill. She struggled to get back under control, but then she was at the bottom of the hill and skidding towards the chalet. Marinette angled her skis the best she could, altering her course enough that she wasn't headed directly at the building. There wasn't enough time to snowplow first before her turn, so she took it too fast and too sharply.

It really wasn't a surprise when she went tumbling into the mesh fence moments later. Marinette sighed at the sensation of finding herself on the ground (not that it was a new feeling, really), pushed herself back up, got herself untangled, and moved out of the way so that Adrien wouldn't hit her once he reached the bottom of the hill.

Adrien, who no longer had his ski instructor chaperone helping him. Marinette frowned, glancing around, and almost immediately spotted the instructor headed right for the man who had nearly hit her, a scowl on her face as she chased him down.

It took another minute for Adrien to get down. He seemed much steadier this time, and there was a small smile on his face as he drifted to a stop near her.

"That wasn't bad," he told her with a grin. "But that guy nearly took us out, didn't he? He knocked me over, too. What an ass."

"It looks like he's getting chewed out now," Marinette commented. "Hopefully he'll move to the other hills. Clearly he's good enough to do it."

They watched the man argue with the ski instructor for another minute before he suddenly conceded and stomped off, red-faced. The instructor glanced around, spotted them, and headed right over.

"We'll not have to deal with him again," she told them. "He had no business being on the bunny hill."

"What was he doing there in the first place?" Marinette wanted to know.

The instructor laughed. "He's from the US and didn't think that that was the bunny hill. He was raging on about how they shouldn't let beginners down the intermediate slopes, and I had to inform him that it was our bunny slope. I pointed him towards our intermediate slopes, though, and I think he maybe isn't quite so keen on them."

They both laughed.

"I'm guessing that he's from somewhere flat, where their expert slopes are our more basic intermediates," she added with a giggle. "And he probably didn't bother to look up the rise on our slopes before coming."

"So wait, what would their bunny hills look like?" Adrien wanted to know. "Not like this, apparently?"

"Very short and very flat." The instructor glanced at her watch. "On a more cheerful note, I think it's time for the lunch break! You can re-join us after lunch or ski on your own," she added. "I think you two might be interested in that slope over there. It's longer, but there are large portions that are a gentler slope than the bunny hill."

Marinette and Adrien gave the hill in question a slightly dubious look. It was taller than the bunny hill for sure, and longer, but at least it didn't have the chalet or a fence directly at the bottom. There was plenty of room to slow down.

"You can do it, I'm sure," she assured them. "And you don't have to decide right away. Think about it over lunch."

She headed off, and Adrien and Marinette shuffled towards the building. It took a bit of wrestling before they got their skis off- it was not straightforward- and then they headed in. The cafeteria area was already busy, and so the two of them dug out their money and headed over to get in line. Some of their group was already getting food, but most of the people around were adults, people who were serious skiers taking the day off to tackle the harder slopes. Still, it didn't take too long for them to get their food, and the two of them wound through the main part of the chalet to grab a table by the windows that were facing the mountains.

"I can't believe the instructor thought that I should be going anywhere near a hill that's not the bunny hill," Adrien commented as he dug in. "You, sure, since you seem to have gotten the hang of things, but she was still pulling me back on track."

"But the other hill isn't quite as steep," Marinette pointed out. Now that the instructor had suggested it, it stood like a challenge. She wanted to try it. She probably wouldn't have felt the need to do it before she became Ladybug, but now? "So you wouldn't be going as fast, right?"

Adrien glanced over at her and suddenly his expression turned thoughtful. Maybe he saw the pleading and hope in her expression- she didn't want to go down by herself, that would be no fun, and so far they seemed to have some sort of unspoken pact to stick together for the day- and was thinking about it. After a few seconds of thought, he spoke up again. "Maybe we could do the bunny hill a couple more times first? I'd- I'd be willing to try it after getting a little more practice with my turns."

"Sure!" Marinette wouldn't mind more practice, either. She needed that one good run without wobbles and falls. But more than anything, Marinette was glad that Adrien was willing to join her, despite his misgivings. It was really nice of her, and there was a tiny part of Marinette that wondered if he was going along with her because they were friends, or if maybe, maybe it was an indicator of his interest extending a bit more…?

"Oh, there's still a few people from our lesson out there," Adrien commented, pulling Marinette out of her thoughts. "I guess they wanted to try the bunny hill a few more times?"

"Maybe they just sent us in earlier because of that man who almost hit us," Marinette suggested, watching as two people slowly criss-crossed the hill. "I mean, I was a bit shaken after nearly getting hit. It was nice to get a bit of a break after that."

"Yeah- oh, look at that guy!" Adrien exclaimed, pointing, and Marinette looked. One of the other students was flailing a bit, and suddenly their skis were pointed down the hill. "Oh no! Look at them go!"

"They're not going to be able to stop!" Marinette gasped, leaning forward to watch. "At least they were most of the way down the hill when that happened, but oh! They're not snowplowing at all! And- oh, no, turn the other way!"

"Panic makes people forget all of their lessons," Adrien pointed out. He was leaning forward, too, a frown on his face as the skier slid across the flat. They hit the mesh net and went down in a heap, tangled with the plastic netting. They slid a little further before hitting the building with a low thud.

The instructors were on them in an instant, trying to untangle net and skier and then get the netting back up before anyone else came in danger of hitting the building. Somehow the skier was unharmed, and he was soon scooting off across the snow.

That did not make her want to get back out there on the hill.

"At least he didn't have poles," Adrien commented. "If he did…"

Marinette winced. Sharp, pointy objects and flailing combined? That would have been bad.

They settled into a comfortable silence as they ate lunch together, and Marinette thanked her lucky stars that she had gotten better about keeping her composure around Adrien. She only really stuttered and flailed around him now if she was trying to ask him out or if he startled her (and who knew that Adrien could be so sneaky?) but the rest of the time, they could hang out normally. The two of them had even exasperated Nino and Alya on occasion with their pun-offs, and giggling with Adrien was fun.

If she had still been getting all flustered around Adrien like she had the previous year, this trip wouldn't have been nearly as much fun. She would have been too busy tripping over both her words and her feet to be able to enjoy herself.

"Ready to head back out?" Adrien asked as they finished up their food. He scraped one last bite off of his plate and popped it into his mouth. "I'm done."

"Sure!"

The rest of the afternoon positively flew by. Adrien and Marinette hadn't returned to skiing right after lunch, instead opting to wander around and explore the area for a bit. They had watched snowboarders and skiers alike pull off crazy tricks on the terrain park hill, only leaving after seeing a particularly nasty tumble. Then they stumbled upon the trailhead for a few cross-country ski trails, which had Marinette grumbling that they hadn't been told about that.

"I mean, I've only done cross-country once and it was years and years ago," Marinette told Adrien as they headed back across the flat area. "But it was fun! And the hills were a lot smaller, too."

They stopped at the bunny hill next. Three runs later, Adrien was more confident with his turns and Marinette was celebrating a run that had been practically perfect.

And then Ms. Bustier informed them that their group would be leaving in just under an hour, and if they wanted to try any of the other hills, they would have to do it now.

"Wow, time really flew!" Adrien exclaimed as he and Marinette shuffled over to the hill that the instructor had pointed out earlier. "We haven't been here for that long, it seems!"

"Well, part of the day was taken up by getting here," Marinette pointed out. "It took a while. And then we had to get our stuff."

Adrien nodded. That made sense. Still, they had had to get to school early to get going on their field trip, and they weren't even trying to make it back by the normal end of the school day. It would have long since fallen dark by the time they got back to school and could go home.

This time, the lift ride was longer. Adrien's knuckles turned white again when he glanced back and saw how far off the valley floor they were getting.

It wasn't anything like the big slopes, the ones Adrien could see vanishing into the distance- the ones where there could be twenty or thirty people or even more people going down and they would still look pretty empty- but he could tell that they were going farther than before, and also just a little bit higher.

Hopefully the angry man from earlier had moved on to completely different slopes. Adrien didn't exactly want to get yelled at again. Or run down, either.

"Okay, what's the plan?" Adrien asked with a bit of a breathless laugh as they got off the lift and moved across the top of the slope. "Any preferred route down?"

"I was planning on pointing my skis straight downward and seeing how fast I could go," Marinette said, and Adrien's vision practically blurred with how quickly he whipped around to stare at her. His (confusion? Mild panic? Extreme panic?) quickly dissipated, though, when he saw the amused grin that she was (unsuccessfully) trying to hide.

"Ha-ha, you really got me," Adrien deadpanned, trying to not sound as amused as he felt. "Very funny."

Marinette's smile turned smug. "I thought so, too."

Surprisingly, their first run down the hill went better than Adrien had expected. He had fallen, sure- there had been one section that switched from really gentle slope to a slightly steeper slope, and there had been enough of a change that he had toppled- but it really wasn't bad at all. Longer, yes. It took longer to get all the way down and he and Marinette couldn't criss-cross the entire slope or they would get in someone's way, sure. But it hadn't been bad.

They went down twice more before they were called in. Adrien felt a bit bad for the workers in the rental area as an absolute pile of equipment was returned all at once as their school packed up, boots and helmets filling the counters and skis absolutely everywhere, but they didn't seem to be bothered by the complete and utter mayhem.

"Oh, gosh, my feet," Adrien groaned as he finally pried his boots off, feeling blood rush back into his feet. He could walk again! "I didn't even realize they hurt that much."

"I've got pins and needles," Marinette agreed as she hobbled towards the counter to give her boots back. "Ow ow ow."

One hasty gathering-up of their things later, and their group was bundled out the door and onto the bus, sweaty, tired, and a little bruised up. Apparently Alix and Kim had ended up on the Terrain Park later in the day and had tried a few tricks that they had really never learned. They had both wiped out pretty hard, and Alix was nursing a bruised wrist while Kim had gotten a sprained ankle. Needless to say, the teachers were not happy with them.

"So did you two ever move off the bunny hill?" Alya wanted to know as she and Nino piled into the seat in front of Adrien and Marinette. She was flushed and sweaty from skiing and her hair stood up on end as she pulled her hat off. "You must have been out a lot, Nino and I didn't see you at lunch!"

"Well, it was busy," Adrien pointed out. He tugged off his own hat- and wasn't it fabulous that Marinette had managed to find yarn in the exact shade of his favorite scarf and made a hat to match?- and did his best to tame the wild mess that his hair had turned into. "And we weren't in for long! It was nice outside."

"So the slopes weren't quite as scary as you thought, huh?" Nino asked smugly. Adrien just shook his head.

"Oh, they were just as scary." He turned to Marinette with a smile, reaching out to give her head a friendly squeeze. "But you know what? They're not so bad with a friend to keep me company."

#Miraculous Ladybug #My writing #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #I found iiiiiinternet

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rkdaehwi · 6 years ago

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CALLBACK AUDITION PART I : PERFORMANCE

MGA5 contestant Sohn Youngjae Performing iKON - 죽겠다 ( 00:00 - 01:54 ) Outfit

“ And suddenly you know it’s time to start something new ”

The worst possible outcome would be that he didn’t even make it back to the MGAs this year. Eric had always been a young man of great confidence, but even someone like him might take a dent from rejection after rejection and failure following more failure. Had he been denied from the very get-go he might honestly have felt his world collide yet again as he was still getting back on top after his argument with his brother. There was no bad blood left between them anymore, but Eric was still jealous of the other’s trainee position and that only meant that he had to work doubly hard to make up for lost time.

But he also knew that he couldn’t just do whatever he pleased anymore. So far he had gone through life with the mindset that as long as he did what he wanted to the world was going to bend down to his feet and accept it, but that had not exactly brought him very far. It was time to step back, take a look at his experiences and evaluate what could possibly have left him with rejection thus far. His age was something he supposed, but that was not exactly something he could do anything about. Yet again he found himself amongst many adults when he went to the designated venue for the audition. There was a fear that they were going to cut him off because he was too young and inexperienced again, but the only thing Eric could do about that was to believe in himself and not let his worries show. Prove them that even someone so young could make a name for himself.

What he actually could do something about was his performance choice. In the last season he had simply stuck to one side of his abilities for that was what he knew best. Even for the triple threat challenge he had stuck to female artists. He thought it was enough to expand his repetoire with hip hop, but alas. Eric liked to tell himself that it was because his heart hadn’t been in it enough, but as expected the sourness of the aftermath still remained within him and he greatly regretted the outcome and not trying his best. At the time he had thought only TRC had been accepting auditions. He was a fool.

This time he wasn’t going to make any mistakes. If anyone saw him as a cute boy who was jumping around a bit to girl group songs he was about to wreck that image completely. Heavy eye makeup in dark colours already hinted the theme of his song choice, and if that wasn’t good enough, the harness he had acquired for the occasion would also give the image of a dark and more mature concept than he had ever shown before. If any of the judges actually took his previous performances into consideration or even remembered him, this moment was to blow them away. Hopefully at least. He’d do his absolute best and if this wasn’t enough, what even would be?

To his surprise Eric spotted many a familiar face at the venue -- Moonbok’s long hair was impossible not to take notice of, and wasn’t that Jisung over there? These bastards hadn’t even told him that they were auditioning, but then again Eric himself supposed that he hadn’t told anyone either. Not because he had any fear of the outcome but because it was more fun to keep it as a surprise. But he was still upset! He himself was excused; they weren’t. That was just how it worked!

Unfortunately they were rushed in before Eric could really get a chance to talk to any of them, but he figured he’d just hit them up later. Easily forgotten were his hyungs as the excitement built up within him the closer he got to the stage, and the moment he stepped out he could hear gasps and murmur around him: the cause clear the moment he locked eyes with the five CEOs of Korea’s biggest entertainment industries. Honestly he wasn’t too surprised -- he himself couldn’t remember how early they got involved last year, but shouldn’t it have been obvious that they would appear sooner rather than later? Well, he supposed that some people might feel extra pressure performing before them, but in the end it was no different in concept -- it was still doing a performance, get judged for it and evaluated. Pretty simple if you asked him.

Getting seated it didn’t last long before the first contestant was called to stage and the young teen could immediately feel the rush of anticipation as it all began. There was just something about watching people do their best up close that was incredibly exciting and that he could never get enough of. And he couldn’t wait for his own turn. Everyone’s eyes on him as he took the stage for two minutes and made it his own. But for now it was time to let others shine, and certainly they did.

Seeing another kid he knew the face of slide across the stage on skates had Eric almost cheer his lungs out in pure amazement. The return was not quite as elegant however, and Eric gave a loud gasp followed by a brief laughter as Haruto fell off stage. He then turned to tug the sleeve of the person seated next to him once the younger hopeful person had made his way back to his seat. “That was so cool, wasn’t it?!” he beamed at the older male even though he had never met him before and had no idea what his name was. As the other was called in later he would come to know him as ‘Suwoong’.

With every performance Eric clapped and cooed enthusiastically as if he simply couldn’t cease to be amazed, and finally his own name was called. Going to the middle of the stage, he gave a nod to all five individual judges before speaking. Always make sure to greet his seniors he thought. “My name is Sohn Youngjae, and you might remember me from my brief appearance on last season. If you don’t though, I’m gonna make sure you definitely will this time!” It might be a pretentious claim, but Eric was dead serious and he was definitely not going to hold anything back. Once the tyre screeches of his backing track sounded Eric began his performance.

It’s killing me, once again Your traces remain And they torture me It’s killing me I turned around like you’re a stranger But why am I so lonely?

The song was so far from anything he would usually listen to and like. He barely ever listened to boy groups, and when he did, it was songs with a much softer and brighter concept. Something like this was so far away from his repertoire as anything could be, but that didn’t matter. He would take even this song that was so foreign to him and make it his own.

I thought I’d be indifferent about breaking up But there’s one habit of yours that I have Not being able to throw things away Foolishly, these feelings remain Something that feels like regret Opposite from you who is doing great I’m half dead

I didn’t know the weight of this break up I was selfish, I ignored your tears

Barely even knowing what love was, Eric was only just recently starting to realise what it meant to have a crush on someone. What it meant to have feelings for someone. And the difference between a celebrity crush and an actual tangible crush. Something like a breakup was still so far away and so foreign a concept that he couldn’t really conceive the feelings behind it, but all he could do was act his way out of it through his use of tone. It had been an absolute pain recording the song beforehand with his voice as the backing just in case he had to lipsync or even just for basic support considering he had to both sing and dance. He wasn’t a professional, he needed to take everything into consideration to keep himself stable.

It’s killing me, once again Your traces remain And they torture me It’s killing me I turned around like you’re a stranger But why am I so lonely? Killing me

As the dance break after the chorus came up, for some reason a single girl popped into his mind. Come to think of it, not even Lily knew that he was going to be here today, did she? He couldn’t wait to see her reaction to his performance once it aired in television (if it even would, he had no idea how much of this would even air when it came down to it) and for a moment an involuntary smile appeared on his face that was quickly replaced with the stern expression that he had tried to maintain for the sake of capturing the mood of the song. As he thought of her, he suddenly started to imagine how it would feel if these lyrics had been about her, and somehow the thought didn’t sit quite well with him. It bothered him and he couldn’t quite understand why it did so. He tried to shrug it off as the chorus came to a close and the next part came up, for this was something he needed his full focus for.

Freedom and new relationships But behind that is an empty heart On this dark night, I’m alone again This isn’t right Her existence is such a big part of my world I try but I can’t take her out of it Once I did take her off, I broke down But I can’t tell myself to be ready to die So it’s killing me

Eric could easily have skipped the rap part. He wasn’t by any means a strong rapper although he had practiced a lot and definitely got better. Honestly speaking it would probably have been more profitable for him if he didn’t include it, but he wanted to challenge himself and show a different image from thus far. The fact that it was a more melodic rap than anything else had made it easier, but flow was still a very important thing, and it was hard to keep his mind on that at the same time as his dancing. Even more so was it difficult when he was so used to dancing with a more feminine touch to suddenly switch to masculine movements, but he had a long time to prepare considering he already had an idea how things were going to progress. There was not a lot left of the song now that he had finished the rap more or less successfully.

I didn’t know the weight of this break up I was selfish, I ignored your tears

As the music came to a close Eric sang a last “it’s killing me” and placed both hands over his throat as the choreography dictated. For a brief moment he simply stood there, chest heaving for breath now that it was over and done with. Immediately after he broke into a big smile and sent a victory sign off to the nearest camera he could spot before he jumped back to his seat with skipping steps. He had been in doubt of whether it had really been a good idea to perform something so far from his league, but now that it was actually over and done with it did feel quite good. He had done his best, and if nothing came out of it, he would definitely be disappointed.

Returning, Eric yet again returned to his seat mate and almost shook the stranger’s arm in his simple inability to control his joy. “Did you see me hyung? Hyung, wasn’t I totally cool?! I did it! I’m so happy!” He didn’t have much time to celebrate however as another familiar name was called, Moonbok stepping up to the stage to give his performance and Eric’s attention was immediately directed back to the show itself and his own attempt was already long pushed to the background with what was happening on stage taking all of his focus. “Yasssss!” he yelled eagerly as Moonbok stepped down, soon after followed by Jisung who seemed to be a wreck of nerves. “LET’S GET THIS BREAD JISUNGIE HYUNG!” he yelled at the other without thinking about it, and only afterwards did he realise how weird his sentence was and brought a mouth to his hand in an attempt to silence himself.

There was simply all too much happening at once for a young boy who just wanted to show support for those around him.

#ch: solo #rkmga5 #rkmga5callback #mentioned:#moonbokrk #rkharuto #rksuwoong #rklily #rkdowoon #jisungxrk

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antiques-for-geeks · 5 years ago

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Game Review : Space Raiders

Sinclair ZX81 / Sinclair Research/Psion/Mikro-Gen / 1982 / Originally £3.95

Ladies and gentlemen, we give you the golden age of cover art.

Good artists borrow, great artists steal. A comment that is often associated with the late Steve Jobs about his appropriating the GUI concept from Xerox PARC in the 1980s. It’s not an unromantic ideal - the young upstart company taking a technology from another, bigger organisation that had gold on its hands but didn’t know it.

Except Steve Jobs didn’t come up with the quote. He said as much in Triumph of the Nerds when interviewed. He didn’t claim to be the father of the modern GUI either; he just happened to see the potential of putting a low(er)-cost computer in the hands of the public that had a GUI.

The early days of the computing revolution were a kleptomaniac’s dream; intellectual property was respected, however it was done very much in a homage sense, rather than a paying-a-licencing-fee-and-doing-an-official-conversion sense.

Bedroom coders everywhere were getting in on the action, developing home versions of popular arcade titles, safe in the knowledge that Atari, Taito or Namco would not send the lawyers after them. After all, this was the early 1980s. Most of the time these companies didn’t know the kids were making these clones in the first place.

So, enter Space Raiders published by Sinclair Research. No prizes for guessing which arcade machine is being ripped-off here. It seems rather pointless to go through the gameplay; it’s so famous after 40 years of public consciousness that going through the mechanics of the game would seem a waste of time.

Let battle commence!

This version does not deviate too far from the golden formula. Some features are missing, like the bonus saucer craft that you can shoot. That said, alien ships come down the screen, and you with your moving gun must defend. Clear the screen and it continues. Over and over and over until they finally manage to land or you lose all of your lives.

Or get bored and unplug the computer.

Or stand up, knock the desk causing the memory expansion on your ZX81 to wiggle and the machine to promptly crash.

So, with the game being so ubiquitous, it’s difficult to stand out without ‘ruining’ the pure Space Invaders experience. Also, at the time there was little need to; this game would come at a time when recreating the arcade was impossible on home machinery - the Atari 2600 might have been the reference hardware for the home in the US, but even that could not hope to live up to the experience you’d get shoving small change into arcade machines. Though you could get some distance to replicating the feel by turning the lights off, have your younger brother spit out his half-eaten sweets on the floor near the machine to make the carpet nice and sticky and get your Mum to shout at you “This is a cafe, not a change machine. If you want change for those bloody machines you’ll have to buy something you little prick. They should bring back conscription. You’d learn some proper respect!” each time you ventured from the gloom into the kitchen.

Your shot is the upper case I, the alien bomb is the *. Interestingly neither you nor your foe can fire again until the projectiles hit their mark or whizz off the screen.

While released by Sinclair in 1982, the game is actually the older Space Invaders coded by Mikro-Gen in 1981. That release had the usual (for the time) monochrome packaging and was not available on shop shelves as games would come to be. The Sinclair release sees the title packaged with another, Bomber, a Blitz variant on the B-side of the cassette. Sinclair seemed to have worked with Psion (later of Organiser fame), who developed the ZX Spectrum version of Space Raiders to bring a similar game to the ZX81 at the same time. Shame that Psion did little more than just recycle an old title.

Buying it today

There are two versions - the ZX81 and Spectrum. The covers are more or less identical, so it’d be easy to get the two mixed up if you were not too careful.

The Spectrum version seems to be the more prevalent on auction sites. The ZX81 version reviewed here was not produced in as great numbers and so commands a higher price. Prices do vary from £10 to £50 depending on condition and how gullible the seller thinks people are. Expect to be able to get it for the lower end of these two figures at the present time.

Note that there is a cartridge version for the Spectrum. These are quite rare and can cost around the £60 mark. If you end up with that, well done. Now you just need to find a ZX Interface 2 so you can play it.

Commentariat

Tim : I’m going to be straight with you. This was the first game that I ever played, so my opinion of the game is really tinted. Back when I first got my ZX81, I absolutely loved it and played it for hours and hours. One particularly epic game was played at the end of the day with the prospect of bed-time looming. I made it count, going further than ever before; my parents, failing to understand the seismic nature of what they had just seen, sent me to bed instead of cracking open the champagne.

Playing it again, I can’t pretend it’s not a disappointment; it certainly isn’t how I remember it, but in these situations, it never is...

Graphically it’s not impressive, even for the ZX81; the coders could really have got more out of the hardware especially as game requires a 16k expansion in order to play the game. That said, it certainly plays well enough. It is harder than other Space Invaders clones out there, but it kind of has to be to ensure you get your money’s worth, which probably says more about the higher quality of the opposition than anything else.

The hardness kept me coming back for more when I first had it, but given that it was this, Bomber or the ICL “Fun to Learn” educational series tape that my folks had bought me in the vain hope I’d learn geography from the computer, it was an easy market to please. Now, it can grip me enough to play it, but the longevity isn’t there.

So is there much to recommend it today? Sadly no. A trip down memory lane, but not a particularly good one.

Pop : Ah, gaming on the ZX81… a tricky proposition on the painful and unresponsive keyboard. If you’ve never experienced it, try to imagine using the buttons on your microwave to play your PS4. Luckily this game of space invaders can be enjoyed at a slow pace! I can’t honestly remember if it was this or another invaders clone I played back in the day, but it’s barely passable fodder for the ‘81. Space Invaders is already a simple game, so leaving out stuff like the saucer is and the invaders speeding up as they get fewer is criminal. At least the bunkers are all present and correct. Still, I’d have happily played this back in may games-starved youth. If you’re going to (re)visit the machine today, check out something like 3D Defender or even better 3D Monster Maze...

Meat : Really, have we reached the bottom of the barrel this quickly? In some ways I jest, but really you’d only want to play this for nostalgia’s sake. Given that it needs a 16k expansion to run, I’d want to have something far better than this. Even for the time. It’s not that the aliens don’t traverse the screen properly sometimes. It’s not the missing saucer bonus alien. It’s not the absence of sound (which I can forgive - you can’t magic up sound from a machine with no ability to generate it). It’s not the lack of bitmap graphics. It’s just that in 16k you’d expect them to do something half decent. Like redefine a character set. For heaven’s sake, they could squeeze a game of chess into 1k at the same time, so I expect better here.

There is so little recommend this today. A couple of goes and the fun is exhausted. Unless you are a collector, save your money and head for better titles on the machine. If you really must have a Space Invaders clone from the era, try Avenger for the Vic 20. Hell, even the dull Atari 2600 Space Invaders cart is better than this.

Score card

Presentation 6/10

At a time when a photocopied inlay with a dour pencil drawing was the norm, the cover was incredibly stylish and smart. Seriously, look at it!

Originality 2/10

Sadly it can’t score highly here. Even in 1982 Space Invaders clones were ‘me too’ products.

Graphics 2/10

Uses the inbuilt graphics character set - plenty of scope (and memory) to do something else, even without a bitmap display.

Hookability 7/10

Plays well and draws you in quickly and effectively.

Sound N/A

The ZX81 has no sound output so unsurprisingly, neither does the game.

Lastability 3/10

While it hooks you in, at the end of the day it’s still ‘just’ Space Invaders. While tough, the missing features means there isn’t the depth to bring you back too often.

Value for Money 5/10

Will give you a fair amount of fun, even with its’ drawbacks. Plus there is a second game - Bomber - on side B.

Overall 4/10

You will get some fun out of it on your ZX81 but if you’re emulating, it’s not really worth the effort, sadly. Nostalgia will only get you so far. If you must play Space Invaders on a ZX81, try QS Invaders.

#zx81 #sinclair #sinclair zx81 #afg #antiquesforgeeks #retrogaming #retrocomputing #retro #videogames #space invaders #space raiders #retro review #review

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miximax-hell · 6 years ago

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I always tell my friends that they’re capable of anything they put their mind into. But, personally, I should know my limits and act accordingly. And considering how INCREDIBLY long it took me to finish this piece for such a poor result (despite the fact that I was just trying to replicate official art, so I had all the help in the world), well, I would say this was my limit. But, hey, you’ll never know until you try, and all practice is good practice.

That aside, hello! For today’s post, I decided to revisit the concept I started this blog with and work on a bigger illustration. It’s probably my least popular kind of post, but trying to mimic KH’s artstyle is kind of a blast regardless of the result or the struggle.

With Max’s and Kageno’s out of the way, it was about time I worked on Handa’s, since, you know, he’s my favourite character and all. I can be biased here, right?

So, it might be a good time to talk about HanRoku’s reasons to be.

Well, well, well. This is coming at the beginning of April when my last post was on January, and even that was just to celebrate the fact that, somehow, over a hundred people have decided to follow this blog. I’m not even going to pretend I’m way too busy to work on stuff--it’s just been a fantastic combination of things that made me want to... stop. I hit a big wall where the ideas I had were being a tad too difficult to pull off in a satisfying way (I swear to God, Kidou, your hair is impossible to work with), and I was either not in the mood to do anything or more focused on other and, at the time, more fun endeavours. I was super passionate about my graduation thesis, for example--and that went rather well, thankfully.

But, boy, I loved Kingdom Hearts 3. No bad mood or task was going to keep me from sinking hours into that game somewhat regularly. Playing it filled me with immense joy, and seeing Roxas again after so long brought me to tears. It made me think a lot about finally finishing (or trying to finish) this big piece... and it caught me very rusty, which led to hours, hours, hours, HOURS of work for what I have already described as a disappointing result. I mean, it’s not the worst I have ever drawn, but... well. It could definitely be much better, and I’m rather tempted to rework it in the future. I hadn’t touched my tablet in ages and it shows. Nor my pencils. Just my brushes, but that was just to paint doggos and Life Is Strange-inspired landscapes.

And the best part is that the illustration ISN’T EVEN COMPLETE because the rest would actually be a spoiler for a fic of mine called Zero. If you check the official art I linked above, you’ll see that what my illustration shows as a black area is actually filled by a completely separate illustration. I know what I want there, but, as I said, it’d spoil the story, so, yeah. Talk about a work in progress. I hope I can finish it all one day...

Anyway, enough pointless ranting! Thanks for putting up with me. To reward someone who has made it this far without getting tired of me, I’m giving away a Steam copy of Batman: Arkham Origins, along with all of its DLC. If you want it, please shoot me a non-anonymous message~ There is absolutely no need to follow me nor reblog/like this post, although it’d obviously be greatly appreciated. The first to ask for it will get it. And, please, don’t follow me for future giveaways--I doubt there will be any. Now, let’s talk about HanRoku. That’s what you clicked on that "read more" button for.

The beginnings of HanRoku are ancient at this point. We’re talking 2012 or 2013, and that’s INSANE. For how long have I been struggling with this project?! Goodness gracious. Anyway, at the time, Chrono Stone was hitting all of the right notes for me. Time travel? Check. People that transform to become more powerful? Check. Fusions, because I've watched too much DBZ for me to not love that? Check. And one day, for reasons that have been lost to time, but probably have a lot to do with the aforementioned fic, I realised something. Zero was supposed to be a story about how Roxas mingles with Someoka, Handa, Aki and mostly Endou, but then it hit me: Roxas and Handa are actually... extremely similar.

To those who have never played Kingdom Hearts, PLEASE GO PLAY KINGDOM HEARTS. And to those who couldn’t care less about what I recommend them to do, KH is a story that, under a deceiving cover full of Disney characters and confusing plot points, makes a deep and rather interesting point about what the true nature of the soul is--even if they insist on calling it “heart” instead. What is a soul? What is it for? Who, or what, has a soul--and why? Is the soul linked to the mind or to the body? Is it even possible to have a body and not have a soul? Is the soul something you’re born with or something you can/must acquire over time? What makes it grow, and what is true strength of soul? You know, for a game where you hit cute Hot Topic monsters with an oversized key, that’s pretty darn cool.

I talked more about this way back when, but I’ll give you a brief summary of the main reason why Handa and Roxas are such a perfect match: they are both people looking for their place in a world that actively acts against their very existence. They have no purpose and are simply tools for other people to shine and/or achieve their goals. That is obviously not a good, fulfilling life.

But, well, after all these years of ruminating and thinking (and crying) about HanRoku, there has to be a bit more to it than just that, right?

Obviously (and even more obviously after Kingdom Hearts 3), Roxas is very strong. Very strong. What he lacks in existence, he makes up for in raw power. For someone like Handa, who is so overlooked due to being okay at everything but not great at anything, this is massive. Even if Roxas doesn’t make him stellar at everything, he doesn’t need to. He still gives Handa enough power to become an extremely invaluable asset in the field and a force to be reckoned with--especially early on, since Handa is the first original Raimon player to get a miximax and all. I’ll talk more about HanRoku’s powers in the future.

But the usefulness in the field is only the first part, and even that is debatable due to the post I linked to earlier and the fact that, well, he sure will be special and super strong when no one else can mixitrans, but he won’t be once the whole team can do so. I mean, let’s count: Endou, Gouenji, Someoka, Max, Kageno, Megane, Tamano... That’s 7 people, when there are only 11 players on the field at a time. Handa would only be at an advantage over 3 people. (And if you’re going to tell me that he’s still the only midfielder with a miximax, thus making him special on his own, that’s a perfectly valid point and you should congratulate yourself for having such a keen eye.)

What really shines about HanRoku, though, is how mutually symbiotic their relationship is. Even if their struggles are so similar at heart, the reasons why those struggles exist are not.

Handa’s problems come from not being good enough at anything to be really... indispensable. Sure, he can do pretty much any job at any given point and be adequate enough at it, but he’s never the first option. He has no place of his own in the team; not one thing only he is capable of doing. And that leads to all kinds of problems of self-worth and trying to find a purpose. He will leave Raimon and no one will remember he was even there.

Roxas is completely essential to Organization XIII, but he’s been reduced to a killing machine that they are trying to replace with a better and more obedient one, thus taking away from him the only reason to be he ever knew and making him question his very existence. Once Org XIII disposes of him, no one will miss him--and that’s made even worse by a certain plot point: Nobodies disappear from the memory of everyone who ever met them once they are defeated/killed.

Of course, Roxas would help Handa immensely, as stated earlier. That’s kind of the point of this whole ordeal. But here’s the catch: Handa would help Roxas too. By leaving a part of himself inside Handa (that sounds extremely wrong, but please bear with me), he knows he will never be truly forgotten no matter what happens to him, and his life will ultimately have a purpose: to help a friend in need find his own worth. But let’s not forget that Roxas has only been alive for less than a year, while Handa has been struggling with his demons for over a decade without ever giving up. Despite having the world against him (or, at the very least, definitely not on his side), Handa is still going at it, trying his best, fighting for what he believes in, dealing courageously with the fact that he’s just an ordinary boy in a world of amazing people in order to help them achieve their ultimate goals. At a time when Roxas felt like his existence was worthless, meeting Handa, a boy who challenges his own self to find an identity that may not even exist, is truly inspiring. His selflessness, his love towards his friends and his neverending efforts to be better give Roxas a reason to stand up to the norm and fight for what he believes is right: in this case, to save his few and treasured friends.

Handa and Roxas find in each other a mirror that, for the first time in their lives, shows them in a new light that gives them hope for the future. They learn from each other, complement each other, improve each other, inspire each other, share a deep bond of friendship and trust, feel stronger and braver when they are together, and make a fantastic team. A team of throwaways, a team of tools, a team made of convenient replacements that will one day become obsolete. But a team that, however, is much greater than the sum of its overlooked parts, and will achieve incredible things when they eventually figure out just how unique and special they both are.

Talking about HanRoku makes me very emotional and it’s difficult to convey my feelings about them when I’m choking on my own tears, but I hope you can all understand why I love these two so very much. And if you can’t... well, feel free to ask me any questions you may have! I’d love to find new ways to describe why these two are so precious to me.

#Inazuma Eleven #original raimon #Handa Shinichi #illustration #reasons behind the miximax #inazuma eleven go #inazuma eleven ares #Inazuma Eleven Ares no Tenbin #info #miximax #mixi max

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ardenttheories · 6 years ago

Note

wanna talk about the Breath aspect next?

Sure!

From the Extended Zodiac, we get told this about the Breath aspect:

Those bound to the aspect of Breath are, above all, expansive. Flexible and driven, they leave an impact wherever they go. Like the breeze itself, they are able to sweep others up to carry along in their wake, but also like the breeze, they can be difficult to catch hold of or tie down. Although Breath-bound do make very good leaders, breath tends to be a very personal aspect. Often, heroism comes along as an offshoot of them pursuing their own personal stories. They lead by example, and will routinely be surprised that others look up to or feel inspired by them. They have a tendency to underestimate themselves, and not always out of poor self-esteem. They were just doing their own thing. At their best Breath-bound are motivated, adaptable, and forward thinking, but at their worst they can be volatile, avoidant, and gullible.

Which I think is an incredibly apt and potent description of what a Breath player can be!

Breath players are the literal embodiment of “go with the flow”. They go most naturally towards open doors and new avenues simply because they dislike the concept of being tied down to any one thing; if it constricts a Breath player, they will always find a way to escape it. This can be fantastic for people following the Breath player’s wake, and why they seem like such fantastic leaders. If their natural decisions tend to be the best when it comes to heroics or escapism, then following quickly behind them whenever they reveal a new path is definitely one of the most beneficial things that can come from a Breath player - whether they inherently meant that to happen or not.

That is one of the more… negative sides of Breath, admittedly. Breath can be neutral at best, and selfish at worst; players don’t always recognise that the actions they’re taking are inherently helping or affecting other people, usually focusing only on what their interests lie in. As a real world example, a Breath player may be the sort of person who figures out an Escape Room before anyone else does - not by actually thinking it out, but by allowing their instincts to take over and just seeking the quickest exit. Naturally, once the room is complete, there’s almost no potential for the rest of the group to actually try beating it, so for the people who thought half the fun was in the puzzles, it can be a huge letdown - especially if the Breath player doesn’t know how they unlocked the puzzles to begin with. On the other hand, for all the people who thought half the fun was in the adventure or in the actual winning, then the Breath player’s speedy progress is clearly a good thing! Of course, you’d then have the Breath player standing in the middle of it all, completely confused about why people are either berating or congratulating them; they just wanted to get out of the stupid box.

This is one of the ways that Breath players tend to underestimate themselves. They’re completely unaware of their effect on other people. Sure, you might look at them and see a fantastic leader, someone who’s capable in all sorts of situations, but in truth the chances are that they just… did something and it had a helpful effect. In this sense, nothing about Breath players is set in stone; some of their smallest actions can have the biggest effects, and some of their biggest acts of heroism can amount to nothing. It ebbs and flows much like the breeze does - and similarly, their effects can be as simple as a light gust of wind or as chaotic as an incredible storm. You really won’t have a clue in figuring out which eventuality is going to happen, because most of the time your Breath player won’t know themselves.

You tend to find that Breath players are open-minded in a very unusual way. They’re more likely to see options that other people would have completely discounted as impossible, or may take a course of action that was so out of the blue that it shocks just about everyone watching them. They may thrust themselves wholeheartedly into one set of actions, and yet show complete disinterest in something else - and you’ll never really be able to figure out why any one thing matters or doesn’t matter to a Breath player. Something that holds incredible significance to them could easily be given away at a moment’s notice, and yet if you’d damaged the significant thing by mistake, they would have flown into a frenzy over it. It’s this sort of fickle nature that tends to dominate a Breath player’s personality.

It’s important to remember that at the core of Breath is Freedom and a Lack of Bonds. This doesn’t mean that they’re completely antisocial - even Breath players tend to latch onto friends to some degree - but it does mean that they aren’t likely to stick around for things that are holding them back or tying them down. Friends who try to contain them are likely to get dropped without a moment’s notice; jobs that restrict their whims, no matter how well paying, may be abandoned for something new - or they might just hop from job to job, only being able to spend a certain amount of time in one environment before feeling claustrophobic; and the chances are that in relationships, Breath players require significant breathing room, open relationships, or might just settle for short-lived romances before moving onto the next person.

You can’t hold a Breath player back. It’s, quite honestly, physically impossible.

Motivated, adaptable, and forward thinking are definitely some of the better attributes of the Breath player; they are always on the go, hesitant to stay in one place or one time for very long, taking in the circumstances and swiftly correcting their actions in accordance to whatever happens to show up. It’s kind of hard to get a Breath player down once they come into their own, because they usually retain a sense of oblivious naivety or a very lackadaisical attitude. When other people are demotivated, Breath players really come to shine, detaching themselves from the situation to find something significantly better that can be the pathway for other people to begin gaining confidence.

But they’re also volatile, avoidant, gullible, and fickle. If a Breath player doesn’t want to do something, they just won’t do it. They’ll breeze around the situation and leave a series of tragedies in their wake, completely detached from the issue and the consequences. They can change course so quickly that it gives you whiplash, completely ruining a plan simply because they decided they wanted to do something else instead - which, in real world terms, means that taking them out on pre-planned events or dates is almost impossible. They probably won’t understand why you’re so upset that they missed a dinner reservation when you did something else much more fun instead. In this sense, Breath can quite easily ebb into the destructive.

However, it’s important to remember that, to a degree, Breath is about fun, joy, and youth. Breath really does capture the essence of what it’s like to be a kid and run around on the playground, jumping off the swing set because you want to play on the slide instead. At its core, it’s motivated by a desire to just do whatever they want to do, whatever seems the best and most freeing and most fun at the time, and as a result, Breath players are likely to struggle the most from personal tragedies - but, in accordance to their nature, also the most likely to avoid thinking about tragedies too much.

It’s the sort of thing you see a lot in John; the fact that he never really seems to focus on any issues that he has, and skims along them into the next big thing he has to focus on instead. We can see it to a degree in Rufioh, too - how uncomfortable he is when pressed by Damara about Horuss, and how he tries to deflect the situation.

Unlike Hope, we have a much wider spectrum of Breath players in the comic, although we don’t really get to see what Rufioh can do. In power, Breath has the most obvious set; absolute control of the Breeze and its aid in part of their journey. It also allows for the giving of freedom, the physical changing of events or of things to allow for the freedom of others. Turning into the breeze, being able to destroy barriers or prisons, swift movement akin to Flash Stepping, partial control of the weather, the ability to manoeuvre people or to encourage them to act on a whim or towards a set freedom - it all comes within a Breath player’s abilities. To a lesser degree, they’re also very likely capable at just… making people smile.

In a more real world sense, this translates as your Breath player being very good at avoiding responsibilities that are overwhelming, being swift on their feet, being particularly good at diverting an entire group’s whims towards something much different, encouraging people to leave jobs or relationships or whole situations that are holding them back, actively making people leave those situations or bringing them into something a bit more fickle and free for a short period of time - truth be told, they’re very likely the sort of people to just drop everything and escape for a little while. You see them, and you see someone who is happy because they are not bogged down by the things that other people are.

Chances are, your average Breath player may be a little overlooked by people. They’re so childish and gullible, at least initially, that people may not expect big things from them, or they may see them as so fickle as to be a danger to themselves. This tends to lead to them being underestimated and typically seen as the more… in need of care of the group. John, for instance, is seen as the weakest of the Betas, when in truth he’s got the strongest powerset of the lot. And in a real world sense, a Breath player may be mocked for being unable to keep hold of responsibilities, jobs, or relationships because they’re too “childish”, when in truth they’re just happier that way.

As a general rule, destructive Breath players tend to destroy the freedom and individuality of others, forcing them into a group structure that embodies a sense of codependency based around the Breath player themself, while constructive Breath players tend to free the people around them of the bonds and responsibilities that hold them back, that make them unhappy. More neutral or selfish Breath players tend to focus on themselves, with any destructive or constructive tendencies being a complete accident as a result of the actions they took to benefit themselves.

#long post//#sburbtheory #breath aspect #classpecting #Anonymous #extended zodiac breakdown

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