#I think he is a great guy great businessman a great person in general tbh

[ticchina]

I’m not listening to a single thing this guy is saying

[vancilocs]

1-10 for a royaltiness vampire and baes aaand a space pair you fee like writing?

deftly casts forget every couple no jutsu

1. Who most initiates PDA?

Kyoko (the treasurer) and Silva are pretty cute with it, he does have a tough guy image to keep up but she just has to put a finger under his chin and he's weak. Makoto is usually too busy keeping an eye out to get sappy with it

Mirad and Jack both are pretty PDA happy, Mirad enjoys being territorial if someone hits on either of them

2. Any sleep habits either had to get used to?

Silva is nocturnal and usually goes to bed very early in the morning, he also tosses and turns. Sometimes he will be banished to sleeping hanging onto a rafter in bat form bc Kyoko needs to rest. Makoto prefers to sleep alone in general, he sleeps lightly and is ready to jump up from the slightest disturbance

When Mirad has his bedtime he's going to bed, no ifs, ors or buts. It's for his health.

3. Hot and Steamy or Soft and Tender?

Silva and Kyoko are the tenderest with each other, with Makoto it's less soft and with Rachne there ain't no sappy stuff

A heaping helping of both

4. How did they first meet?

Silva met Makoto at the orphanage they both were at as children, Rachne through his thievery and smuggling business, Kyoko after he was semi-forcibly made a spymaster (she needed a discreet help with some treasury shenanigans)

Jack got booted out of his previous haunt and came to Mirad's bar instead

5. What is their love language?

Kyoko and Silva talk sweet and give each other gifts like flowers, Silva gives Makoto the occasional quality time and physical affection, with Rachne it's physical affection, sometimes gifts from Rachne to Silva

Physical and verbal affection from Mirad, services and gifts from Jack

6. When did they realize they loved each other?

Silva claims he fell for Kyoko when she unveiled her plan of absolutely financially ruining a bad businessman who had a hand in the treasury, damn girl you planned all this? Hot. She fell for him when despite all of his claimings of being a free bird he was still in her bed in the morning and refused to leave. With Makoto it's when Silva made him laugh out loud for the first time, and Silva was like damn you're cute. Shit. Goddammit. Will never admit it though. Makoto doesn't really align with "love", grey-aro as he is, and with Rachne they don't talk of such things.

Probably after helping each other through some severe bout of withdrawal or depression

7. Who is more sentimental?

Kyoko mainly, she's had a rough past when it comes to relationships so she likes to cherish the time she has with Silva. Makoto is also surprisingly sentimental because he has a great memory and when Silva likes to act aloof Makoto is like ok sure bitch remember when you saved my life? Gay

Both tbh, Mirad is a bit more intense abt it I think

8. What’s one way their personalities compliment one another?

Kyoko and Silva are nosy and sneaky, they have their fingers in many pies around the castle and gossip a lot to get the full picture. Both also enjoy the lavish life, like banquets et cetera. Makoto is very quiet and serious and he enjoys listening to Silva talk, good for him to also know what's happening around the castle. They also bitch at each other all the time.

Both are passionate, dedicated, kind and honest, they have similar struggles and really understand each other when it comes to that so they're both very patient

9. How are their personalities different?

Kyoko comes from a well-off and loving family, Silva comes from an orphanage so he's more secretive and resourceful, has hidden stashes of things around the castle just in case. Kyoko doesn't think the worst of everyone when meeting them the first time. Makoto doesn't really want to get to know people and their secrets, he'll listen when told but isn't going out of his way to find out.

Mirad is somewhat aggressive and dominant, Jack is a bit of a doormat

10. What are some non-sexual activities they do together? 

Reading, lounging, attending events, gossiping, cuddling, napping, Silva watches Makoto practice swords and they maintain gear together, Silva helps Kyoko with her books if she only asks

Cuddling, lounging, cooking, watching TV, working out, cleaning

[gottawriteanegoortwo]

The most baffling part of WKM is that everyone trusts and adores Damien, despite him being the only one in politics and actively in office. Mark made the mayor character the most trusted and loved. How????

(uh oh, you unlocked my 'Love Damien' mode)

You came to the right person! This is a great question and I will gladly go on a rant to try and help shed a little light on this!

In short, it's exactly because of how you phrased your question. There's a politician. He's seen as nice and trusted and loved. It seems like something that shouldn't be, and you assume the worst of him because it has to be an act for whatever reason; and that is because of the general view of politicians at the moment. I'm not touching IRL topics with a ten foot pole, but I will say that at present, there is a sorta wariness/a 'they don't care about us' vibe toward politicians in certain countries (including my own). That's something that then seeps into media.

Think about it. If there's a politician in a show of any sort (especially one holding office), they're usually up to no good behind the scenes or are unreliable - just like how a librarian might be cranky, for instance - in a sort of caricature. Off the top of my head I can remember seeing... A mayor that wanted to evict an entire community to build a business something-or-other to make lots of money, a mayor who branded a local team of agents as non-trustworthy when they went against his pretty crummy views (which could be the same show tbh), an absolutely useless buffoon of a mayor who needed the help of children to constantly save his city from supervillains, and a politician (maybe a mayor?) who constantly clashed with the chief of police in a city. This isn't even considering the times a politician character (whether or not they hold office) is involved with criminals, bribery, is being blackmailed, or even has a criminal record of some sort.

Damien is an exception to this trope. It may or may not be completely intentional, but it's genius on Mark's part. You walk in, see this well-dressed man with a rather cheesy Mayor badge pinned on... And people would immediately get suspicious... Something which Mark called people out on at a panel! Don't forget, every character was framed in a way to give reason for them maybe being the killer. I watched WKM (and got vaguely into the fandom) a week after it finished, so I missed the speculation in between each episode. From what I've seen, it appeared that a lot of people were wary of Damien, though I'm not too sure if it's because they were like "IT'S JUST DARK IN DISGUISE DON'T BE FOOLED" or if it was because of his job and mannerisms. Either way, it turns out his worries were genuine, and he was innocent of any crime that night, which completely subverts the expectation of a politician in a show. He's a rare breed - someone that has good intentions and a good heart, who wasn't 'tainted' by politics in some way.... But ends up getting corrupted anyway through matters far beyond his control.

Not only that, there's two important points that I think people forget and I'll go into better detail of under the read-more because this is getting pretty long.

-

1. The character that is the viewer has known Damien since university. That means they've been friends minimum... Let's say five years, but probably closer to ten. You're going to be more at ease and more 'yourself' around people you are very fond of, and Damien's face lit up the moment he noticed the viewer arrived. Since the viewer would be going into this cold the first time it's viewed, they wouldn't feel that bond and might think Damien's friendliness is an act. 2. While he is the Mayor, he's not The Mayor at that moment. He's merely a Mayor by title alone. For the events of Who Killed Markiplier?, he's just Damien. It would be different if we had walked into his office, but we arrived at a party with people Damien was comfortable with. He had no need to impress anyone because they were friends. Remember, the reason the badge exists is to tell the viewer what Damien does. Otherwise he could be any sort of businessman or guy in a fancy suit, and the explain everything video states that everyone thought Mark got the suit for a wedding when he shared a photo.

(Both points are showcased nicely in the very first scene we meet Damien if you compare the way he talks to the Detective - someone he barely knew - to the viewer - who has been a friend since university. When talking to Abe, Damien stands poker straight (almost rigid) and rests his hands on his cane. One hand moves to emphasise something, but the rest of his body remains still. There's a polite, yet formal, air to him. Here, he is The Mayor. I'd bet they were having casual conversation on how they met Mark or some other generic topic to break the ice. Then the pair notice you and that conversation is instantly DROPPED. Damien immediately lifts his cane as his entire body turns to the viewer. That smile isn't one that's given out of politeness. He's now Damien. There's no need to put on an act when it's a familiar friend. He still stands straight, but his body language and facial expressions are far looser and more casual. Gestures are with both hands now. His expressions are more playful, including widening his eyes to emphasise his tease about the viewer's skill of poker. This continues until he walks off-screen where, I presume, he was going to say hello to William.)

We don't know the extent of how much anyone trusts anyone else, but one of the big exceptions is the Colonel. I know I've written a headcanon on a roleplay blog about this, but he didn't know you, so he was polite, but distant and aloof. He had no reason to even care about you. We saw a good example of William acting like this the morning after. HOWEVER, after spotting the viewer talking to Damien outside at the end of the first episode, he notices a connection. The moment he knows you are Damien's friend he opens up with no hesitation in the second episode and is rather friendly toward you from then on. He trusts you because he trusts Damien, which to me suggests that our Mayor keeps good company and has a good judge of character. Plus, no one really has a reason to think ill of Damien. He and William have an argument focused on William's reaction to Mark's death (and don't forget that Damien wanted to apologise but William kept running away), while Celine shuts him down for Damien trying to get her to reconsider her idea; but neither are motives for them to be suspicious of Damien. Chef and George are indifferent, while the Butler is probably indifferent but feels comfortable enough to make a drug joke with Damien in earshot (and Tyler's IC stream as Butler had it that he thought well of Damien, but this might not be considered canon). On the other hand, you could say that the Detective is wary of Damien, but he was suspicious of everyone between all the work he did and the warning he got from Mark, so it's not completely reliable.

Speaking of, I haven't forgotten about the Detective's study and how there's a record sheet for Damien with something scribbled out. Unfortunately, I don't think it's something we'll ever get clarification on. I double-checked the explanation stream and there wasn't any mention of what was on it... But I feel like I heard Mark say something like 'forget about what is there, focus on why it's there', or how it got there in the first place? Maybe it was for another project, but the idea is more that the Detective's work was built up over time, and not in the span of that weekend; rather than focusing on every little piece of writing that can be seen. Perhaps there is something shady in Damien's life... But since it wasn't relevant to the 'story' we were being shown, it was omitted. This could very well be where people take the idea of a corrupt politician and run with it (and I have seen some excellent roleplayers over the years work with that!), or they could be like me and say that the crimes were things he was framed for. Or maybe, as I'm writing this, it could be like how Abe had documents for things that didn't happen in WMLW, and that the crimes he scribbled out were ones that Dark would do later... But that's going into theorist territory and that's not at all relevant to what I'm talking about.

Anyway, I've rambled on waaay too much as it is. He's trusted and loved as a character because he's so human. Mark pointed out in the explanation stream that Damien was the only one to question what was going on. He was upset, mourning, and had no idea what to do. It's a vulnerability that you don't see from people often, especially if they are supposed to be leaders.

If there's anything people wanna add or point out, jump in and do so! :D

[ectonurites]

I love Tim and I love reading Tim fics but tbh I am getting so tired of all the “woe is Tim, he was criminally neglected by his parents!! He was abused!!” stuff that keeps popping up. Like, were Tim’s parents gone often? Yes, no denying that. Was their relationship with Tim distant and not the best? Absolutely. But they weren’t evil, they weren’t breaking any laws, he wasn’t being dangerously neglected or put in any danger at all. Tim was in boarding school during the year! He wasn’t left to fend for himself 24/7 in a large empty house before he was even in the double digits, he wasn’t running around Gotham at night as a baby getting into trouble because his parents weren’t paying attention to him, and it’s weird how often that idea crops up. It’s like fandom thinks you’re either a good parent or an evil parent and there’s no in-between. But there is! Tim’s parents weren’t really good parents, but they weren’t evil people! I have no idea why that’s such a hard idea to grasp.

Also the weird changes to his personality that tend to come with this! I can always tell when a fic writer hasn’t read Tim’s solo Robin series, or even just YJ 1998, because they write Tim as being socially awkward and incapable of making friends or understanding how people work. Sometimes even how empathy works! Or like a tiny genius prim proper upper class businessman, which. Is just. I have no idea where any of this comes from, is the thing that really gets me. Usually you can trace commonly held fanon character misconceptions and alterations back to some point in canon and at least see where something may have been misunderstood or exaggerated, like Tim’s Red Robin run influencing the perception of him as depressed and distant from the rest of the Bats, or for what reason the fanon change is made, like Lazarus Pit madness being used to absolve Jason of his crimes for the purpose of making reintegrating him into the group easier (which incidentally also chafes me) But this? This I am at a loss for. I have no idea where this specific yet pervasive fanon mischaracterization came from. Yes, Tim might be a little socially inept at times, but no more so than the average person. Tim makes friends incredibly easily! Tim isn’t all too concerned with pleasing his parents! He’s not formal or super well-mannered or a budding super villain! Tim is incredibly empathetic and quick to adapt in social situations! He’s an average teenage boy with the likes and attitude of an average teenage boy with an above average intelligence! Tim is such a great character on his own and sometimes I start reading a fic that says it has Tim, but Tim is nowhere to be found, it’s just this weird guy I don’t recognize calling himself Tim and it is so incredibly frustrating, Fanon Tim please die and don’t come back

Yeah big agree on pretty much all of that, I’ve talked about this subject a lot before and I feel like much else of what I could add would be just repeating you or myself. 

On the topic of parental abuse I think you can even make arguments about that in Tim’s life while still like, not blowing things out of proportion. But the way people frequently write in fanfics and stuff like you’re talking about I definitely agree is misinterpreting the situation. This is a really good post on that subject with Tim and his dad that actually deals with stuff we see in canon. (This also goes into some stuff with Cass and Steph with their dads and Cissie with her mom)

Fanon Tim feels like he came from a mix of out of context panels, people reading only Red Robin, people only watching the YJ cartoon where Tim is such a minor character whose only arc is about being inexperienced and kinda shy and quiet compared to Dick, and then just general people assigning stereotypical traits to him based on the fact that he’s a smaller guy and not the most like ‘superhero manly masculine’ type. And then just like... people having potential ideas sometimes without much of a basis about things that weren’t explored much in canon (like Janet’s actual personality, since we saw so little of her before she died, or what his childhood would have been like in more detail) just to try to fill in gaps for their own personal view of it, and it then just getting treated as fact because people pass it around so much. 

Fandom for anything can be a giant game of telephone but especially for comics like this where there is so much source material that a lot of people are intimidated by and thus barely even break into, it becomes even worse. The amount of misinformation I see go around is crazy, and really contributes to the ways fanon heavily alters the characters.

[et-lesailes]

missing linc // chapter three

series masterlist

pairing: ceo!dad!steve x reader

word count: 2950

series summary:  you are a college student working at a daycare full time during your summer break, and you have grown especially fond of one of the toddlers in your class, lincoln rogers. you are certainly not expecting to develop such a huge crush on his dad steve when you meet him for the first time, but you can’t help but be attracted to the businessman– despite the fact that he’s married. however, as intelligent and mature as steve comes across, he has a few secrets behind his marriage- one in particular he may never be able to make up for.

series themes: romance, drama, age gap, infidelity, smut in later chapters

chapter summary: steve and reader start getting to know each other more. while steve is on his business trip, reader is asked to babysit and ends up seeing something she definitely was not meant to see...

taglist:  @viarogers , @evanstush , @chibi-crazy , @chalamet-evans , @world-of-losers , @songforhema, @sebabestianstan101 , @tanyam93 , @bval-1, @wonderwinchester , @little-miss-exo, @poerebel , @pining-and-tired , @gogomez-509 , @patzammit, @a-distantdreamer, @malthestorytellerblog, @rainbowkisses31, @jbug491writinghelp, @quaiderade, @melannie77, @gigistorm, @lille-kattunge, @teller258316, @rohaintahquil, @deidrashouseofpain, @firstangeldragonranch, @peach-acid, @allsortsofinterests, @xoxabs88xox, @honeyloverogers, @capsiclesdoll, @qrndevans, @mcueveryday, @drkstrangeson, @bangtan-serendipity, @heyyouwiththeassbutt, @cptn-sgrogers, @heyiamthatbitch, @captainscanadian, @kaithezaftig, @morganhoran1671, @booktease21, @hista-girl, @steeeeverogers, @okilover02, @collete04, @sadella-adams, @rumoured-whispers, @aletteredaffair, @shannon124, @isawritesstories, @knuffeltuff, @wxntersoldiers, @kelbabyblue, @macgruberrr, @troublermalik, @deepmuffinspymaker

notes: i swear if the taglist notification thing doesn’t work this time i will just resort to sending out an email newsletter to yall like i just am so done w tumblr ok. anyways, just wanted to say thank you guys for all the love and support you’ve been giving me for this fic, and tbh if you wanted to give a little extra tonight i’d really appreciate it because i’m having a suuuuper shitty night. :c

** please send an ask if you would like to be added to the taglist!

For the rest of that week, Steve dropped off and picked up Linc from daycare, much to you and your coworkers’ delight. Besides his enthralling looks, he was a genuinely charming and kind person, and it was easy to keep up conversation with him. He did not come past 6 again, but he did generally come at around 5:45 or 5:50, which still had Linc being the only toddler left in the class with you.

You supposed because it was just the two of you there with Linc and no other children for you to watch, it had been a given that there would be more conversation. He did not have to rush to get anywhere and neither did you, and so each day became hanging around slightly more whether it be in the classroom or out on the parking lot, chatting just a bit more than the day before. You would make sure to clean the room before he got there so he could walk you out, and you couldn’t help but wish this could be an everyday routine-- unfortunately, he had told you he would be traveling again just the next week.

You now knew a little more about him, and he about you. He knew you were a college student, a soon-to-be junior, to be exact. He knew you studied psychology and that you eventually wanted to work with children and child development. He knew where you were from, your favorite foods, hobbies, interests-- mainly the basics, really, nothing too deep. He had told you that he was a CEO of a pharmaceutical company and that he grew up in New York. He liked running and exercise in general (of course) and drawing-- he had even shown you a few photos of some sketches he did in his spare time and you were blown away, especially upon a particularly realistic portrait of Linc as an infant. He had told you that he loved seeing the ocean and that he wanted to be able to take Linc to the beach soon, hoping his son would appreciate the water just as much as he did.

When Sunday night came around, you were a little sad knowing that you would not be seeing Steve the next day. You weren’t even sure when he’d be back-- when you had asked, he said that it depended on how long it would take for him to get his current project done. Still, being with Linc throughout the days felt even more special than it did before. Now that you knew he got so many of his traits from his father, you felt more connected to him thanks to the many conversations you had shared with Steve throughout the past week.

You hadn’t expected to hear from Steve while he was gone; he hadn’t even sent you a message ever since he got your number, probably because he hadn’t needed any babysitting during that time. However, when a random number popped up on your lockscreen with a message underneath it at 1:30 AM on Wednesday, your heart skipped a beat simply from seeing the name that came with it.

Hi Y/N. It’s Steve. How are you?

Why were you acting like a girl with her first crush over this? You had been about to go to sleep, figuring you probably should since you had to be up at 8, but now you simply had to reply. You saved his number to your contacts before texting back.

Y/N: Hi Steve! I’m good, what about you? How’s the Philippines?

The screen showed him typing already, and you couldn’t deny you were pleased. The thought of having his full attention made you feel unnecessarily happy, but you also needed to force yourself to stop thinking about it so much.

Steve: Great. The beaches here are beautiful, I think you’d like them too.

He was already typing again and so you waited, biting your lip as you stared at the screen.

Steve: I told Tiana that you were open to babysitting and she wanted me to check with you if Thursday night would work. Maybe from around 6:30-9:30? She has a dinner event for work.

Y/N: Sure, I’m available that night! I’d love to help

Steve: I’ll let her know. Thank you- how much do you charge?

Y/N: Would $15 an hour work?

Steve: $25 it is ;-) Thanks again. Have a good night, Y/N.

You blinked and widened your eyes, wondering if he had made a typo, though the winky face told you otherwise.

Y/N: Wait, you meant 15 right?

You waited a few moments, but unlike before, no typing bubbles appeared.

Y/N: Just to clarify, 15. Just 15! 25 is too much!

Again, no typing bubbles. You stared at the screen in disbelief, though you couldn’t help but smile. Not because of the extra money, but just because of him. This was not good. You could not be catching feelings for Steve, it made absolutely no sense. You still barely knew the guy, and he was a married man, for God’s sake.

Putting your phone on your nightstand, you sighed as you settled into bed, wondering if you should explore dating options within your school-- anything to get your mind off Steve.

Thursday came around faster than you thought it would. Steve had texted you the address the night before, and you were now on your way there from work-- your boss had actually let you leave slightly early for once, and so you figured you’d just show up and wait in your car so Tiana did not feel rushed. She had seemed grateful to you when she had come to pick Linc up-- she had assured you she would have him fed before you got there, so you would only need to bathe him and get him ready for bed.

When you turned down Steve’s road itself, you were already in shock as you stared at the huge houses lining the street. Of course, Steve’s was at the very end and the most grand of them all, extending father both horizontally and vertically looking like a mansion right out of a movie. As you pulled into the long driveway, you noticed three cars-- Steve’s Mercedes, which made sense because he had probably been dropped off to the airport, and two others. One had to be Tiana’s, perhaps the other was another car they both used? To be honest, you were surprised there weren’t even more cars in the driveway, if that was the case.

You parked in a spot that was out of the way of all three cars, not knowing which one Tiana would use-- the driveway was quite roomy, and even if you were on the far side of it, it was probably the most convenient seeing she’d need to get out. You were parked on the other side of a rather large Range Rover, your much smaller car practically hidden behind it. Checking your phone, you saw that it was only 6. Eh, you could probably just go ahead in-- now that you were already in the driveway, it felt weird to simply sit there. You were about to open the car door when you noticed movement coming from one of the home’s large windows. When you looked towards it, your eyes immediately widened.

There stood Tiana and a male who was certainly not Steve, engaged in a rather steamy lip lock as his hands moved over her waist. She was continuously trying to pull back but giggling at the same time, clearly not bothered by the situation, gladly allowing him to keep pulling her back in for more kisses. You froze, staring in shock before making yourself look away, completely in disbelief. She was cheating on Steve? Who the hell could cheat on Steve? The more you thought about it, the more angry you got, but you took a deep breath. It was not your responsibility to be upset with her or lecture her, but you could tell Steve about what you had seen. In fact, you were itching to at that very moment, but the curtains suddenly closed and you were frozen again. Had she seen you? Did she know that you saw her? Did staying in your car look too suspicious, like you were spying? To make it seem like you had just gotten there, you quickly got out of the car, sliding your phone in your pocket. You could tell him after she left.

Trying to act as normal as possible, you walked up to the front door and rang the bell. She answered moments later, a smile on her face as she opened the door, though you could tell she looked a little nervous. “Hi there, Y/N!” You smiled in return as best as you could. “Hi, Tiana. Sorry I’m a little early, I got off work earlier than expected and figured I’d just head here. Is that okay?”

“Of course,” she assured, perhaps assuming she was in the clear if you didn’t seem like you knew anything. “Linc actually ended up passing out pretty early tonight, he was exhausted after dinner,” she explained as she let you in, and you couldn’t help but discreetly look around while listening to her; where did the man go? “So you can just sit back and relax-- there’s books in the study if you’re into reading, or the TV has Netflix, Hulu, cable, whatever you wanna watch. Oh, and feel free to help yourself to anything in the kitchen.”

She showed you around the main parts of the house just so you would know where everything was, and although you were still tense about what you had just witnessed, you couldn’t help but marvel at how luxurious this house was. It did not even seem like a toddler lived there until she showed you the playroom, Linc’s nursery where he was fast asleep, and even his own personal bathroom. She showed you where his diapers and other personal items were in case he were to wake up before bringing you back downstairs. You were still extremely confused on where her little “boyfriend” could be, wondering if he had actually snuck out of the house-- until she called out, “David? Are you still in the study?”

‘Wait, what?’ you thought, now even more shocked than before. She was blatantly admitting to having this man in her home? She looked to you with a smile. “David is one of my associates at work. We were just going over a presentation we have tonight.”

‘Is it a presentation on French kissing?’ you thought to yourself in disbelief, seeing she was clearly trying to make it seem like they were only coworkers. “Ah, I see,” you said politely nonetheless, then looked up as David came into the room, dressed in a suit and tie matching the shade of Tiana’s dress. “Hi. My name’s Y/N,” you introduced yourself, and he shook your hand with a smile. “David. Nice to meet you.”

“Alright, we should get going-- wouldn’t hurt to get there early.” Tiana picked up her purse. “Thank you again, Y/N!” You nodded and waved them off, waiting until they left before letting out an exhale and turning around, making your way to the living room. It was a little disappointing that Linc was sleeping, considering you had been excited to play with him, but at the same time, maybe it was for the best. You wouldn’t be able to have this conversation with Steve if you were bathing a hyper one-year-old. Plopping down on one of the leather couches, you took your phone out and typed a message.

Y/N: Hey Steve, are you busy right now? Think you could call me?

You figured telling him over the phone would be better rather than simply in a text, and besides, you did not exactly want potential screenshot evidence that you were involved in this mess, if it were to somehow come back to bite you in the ass. Your phone dinged a few minutes later and you immediately turned it on silent, even though there was no possible way Linc could hear it all the way from his nursery. The only reason you would even be able to hear him was because of the high tech baby monitor on the TV stand.

Steve: In a meeting right now, so unfortunately I can’t at the moment. Why? Is everything okay?

You couldn’t help but take note that he was texting you despite being in a meeting, but then reminded yourself to stay focused.

Y/N: I saw something and I wanted to talk to you about it. Just call me whenever you’re free? Linc is sleeping so I should be able to answer.

Steve: Sounds good. You’re okay though right?

You hated how nice he was, how thoughtful-- only because it was making you more angry that Tiana would have the nerve to cheat on him.

Y/N: Yes I’m okay it’s not about me or anything. Just call me as soon as you can okay?

Steve: Ok. Talk to you soon.

You started scrolling through Instagram to distract yourself, but you still couldn’t believe it. This probably had to do with what Stephanie had been saying about Steve and Tiana seeming to have an odd relationship based on how they acted with one another; had Tiana really been cheating for that long, though? How could she live with herself? You felt so disgusted with her, getting more and more irritated that she couldn’t appreciate what literally any woman in this universe would-- being married to Steve Rogers.

You realized you weren’t even looking at the photos on Instagram but rather absentmindedly continuing to scroll with your thumb; God knows how many you had missed. Sighing, you swiped out of the app and leaned back on the couch, resting your head back and staring up at the ceiling. What would happen now? Were you about to destroy a marriage? You felt guilty thinking about it that way, but it had to be done, right? It was wrong to withhold such information from Steve, he deserved to know.

Thankfully your phone rang, and you answered it almost immediately, just wanting to get this over with. “Hi, Steve. Thanks for calling me…”

“Of course, Y/N. I have a bit of time before my next meeting. What’s going on? I gotta say, you’re worrying me here…”

You wished you could tell him it was alright, but you really couldn’t, and you felt horrible.

“I, uh-- there’s really no easy way for me to say this Steve, but… um, well, I got to your house a little early,” you finally began, trying not to be so tongue tied. “And I saw Tiana in the window and… w-well… she was kissing another guy.”

There was silence for a few seconds, and your heart was racing. Why were you drowning in anxiety over here? You could only imagine how Steve felt in this moment. Was he just going to hang up on you? Was he going to explode? Was he going to cry? You didn’t know him well enough to know how he would take news like this, and each second was killing you.

“I.. see.” He finally spoke, and you bit your lip, wondering if he was maybe still processing. He sounded strangely emotionless, but perhaps that was how he showed his own disappointment or upset feelings. “I-- uh, wow. Thank you for telling me, Y/N.” You blinked. How was he so composed? Was this what being an adult was about? Maybe he was far too mature for you, because had you been in his shoes, you would have probably been flipping out. “Are you okay?” you somewhat blurted out, wondering if he was maybe just bottling up his feelings. “You.. you can talk to me about it, if you want, I mean I know it’s none of my business and that we barely know each other and that I just take care of your son but-- I, I’m sorry, I just--”

“It’s okay, Y/N,” he cut you off, and you swore that based off the sound of his voice, he was even smiling a little. “I really appreciate it. I think I just need some time to process and think about all of this. I wasn’t really expecting a call like this, you know?” You immediately nodded despite the fact he couldn’t see you. “Yeah, yeah of course. I get it. I-- I guess I’ll let you go, then? Again, I’m sorry, I just thought you should know… it felt wrong if I didn’t tell you.”

“Of course. You did the right thing.” Steve assured you, and you felt a weight lifted off your shoulders-- and then you felt guilty for even having that weight there in the first place. You had no reason to be feeling as if you were the burdened one from this. You wanted to help him as best as you could, but he was right. He needed some time to himself. “I’ll talk to you later, Y/N.”

You said your goodbyes and hung up, a loud sigh escaping your lips. You were still in shock over how… calm he was. Part of you wanted to sneak up to his and Tiana’s room to try and snoop around for more information, but you knew that was going too far. If anything, his maturity about the situation was actually somewhat inspiring, and so you picked up the remote and turned the TV on, telling yourself to stop thinking about it.

[vertigoambrosia]

road to wttf

i didn’t notice until now, but our perfect boys monster consulting are in the wxw now opening now 

aww the recap of the tag title match cut out the part where karsten threatens to strand ilja and walter in hamburg

lmaoooo they blame karsten

WE’RE GONNA REPORT U

“i have the most powerful lawn irrigator in the entire neighborhood. and my neighbors are fully aware of that”

is this like an idiom or something

no walter is actually saying he needs money so he can show up his neighbors

tbh i thought that was an american thing

...aren’t lawns in general an american thing?

the subtitles here are a little sloppy but it’s ok cause this segment is great

oh no guys i just had a thought: is the wttf music not gonna be the same as the wttl theme they’d used the past few years? i really liked that one

aw did avalanche comb his hair? he looks extra cute

i wish they hadn’t told us the entire card before we saw that segment though - like, let us naturally find out why a match is happening before you announce it

MATCHA TEA

andy’s logic is so silly here bless him

hahaha ‘the cool generation’ ok andy whatever

RELAX YOURSELF, CHILD

did he just call leon van gastern a boy toy? julian’s boy toy?

does the crown understand what a boy toy is?

aj why are you standing so close to him?

*aj voice* such a temper our son has!

 pink and white? strange new gear choice but ok robert

oh my god jay is andy’s mini me

i never will get tired of jeremy graves calling jay and/or francis a cretin

well at least andy is a loving dad :3

i have to admit i kinda miss avalanche having an explosive temper; i think part of the reason he’s been liked but not loved in his singles career so far is he’s not over the top enough?

like, he’s got too much chill; he was always a Polite Young Man when he wasn’t like, growling but he doesn’t really get murder angry or gleefully anticipate murder anymore

i love andy’s bullshit but tbh i wanna see avalanche just destroy people

no please do not go to the outside

i guess andy needed a hug

but really i feel like avalanche should be just like, destroying andy

or getting close and then jay does something heely

um andy did you forget you can’t win the title from dq?

i just wanna see avalanche toss people around! let me have this! toss people and throw himself into people!

oh shit that elbow drop looked nasty

any holding hands spot is great

but they’re taking too long repeating it

it’s been like 10 minutes and i have not seen avalanche throw man yet

ok he threw himself into andy i guess that counts as one

i appreciate that there’s literally one person rooting for andy

hot take: tuning up the band is stupid

aww i was hoping he would have boulderdashed both andy and jay...but i guess that’s for another day

INTENSE - that’s the word i’m looking for - it doesn’t feel like avalanche is intense enough anymore

even as a businessman in monster consulting, they were still real gung ho about fighting people and being friends

aj is so pretty you want to hit him

also because he’s a lil shitboi

hahaha who in the audience said ‘what you say?’

lmaoooo this is so stupid

WE’RE TOO STYLISH TO WEAR HOODIES

aww jay defending francis’ reputation

oh here come some pretty bois

*ahura voice* um excuse me I am the only stylish one here

uhh i mean we. WE are the only stylish ones here

maggott is so pretty

karsten’s all like ‘nobody here paid to watch a mystery’

yesss i like this idea

jeremy graves lusting over marius a lil bit

no jeremy he hasn’t really gotten much more buff or cut, you just haven’t been around in a while

so glad rotation shaved; i can understand why he grew that beard since he looks like he’s twelve years old, but it was not working

oh no he fall

it feels kinda weird to be commenting on anything marius does now that he’s gone

seriously tho wxw is he suspended or fired those two are very different and cannot be used interchangeably

let’s have rotation more often; it’s been long enough that i forgot how fun his flippies are

ok that was a good finish

hahah maggott pointing out ahura’s watch is fake

ok i hope the interviewers being off screen is not a regular thing cause i love tommy and sebastian’s reactions

i’m just assuming they weren’t around when they were shooting these

oh my god marius’ sunglasses are so obmoxious

oops marius kinda speaking truth about mike schwarz

tho it’s more because he’s not around that often than beer

for some reaosn when i saw him in prost and stuff i thought he was really tall, and then he showed up at the afterparty and he was kinda short???

what is schutzenplatz

oh hey i haven’t heard of this lady before

her delivery is a lil flat but i’m glad to see a woman with amateur wrestling experience

also her music is cool

um announcer the stress of ‘legit’ is on the second syllable

le-JIT

ooh vs valkryie

hee hee leyla really is wee

god i hope these guys become rival friends

oh shit that double knee combo was super sick

OH SHIT THAT KNEE

hi wxw pls keep leyla around for a long time

axe kick!!!

that was some good shit

hahaha amale complaining that tenille hit her in the face too much

FAYE

i wish they would set these up a little more

more plot pls

more non-title womens singles matches

maybe even some non-title feuds???

#1 contenders matches? that are announced before day of?

*veit voice* i didn’t defeat bobby, but at least i get to watch tim beat him up

aw veit believes in tim so much

finally, i’m not supposed to root for the dude who calls me a bitch

bobby last time you guys fought tim and walter fucking kicked your ass

HI TIM

LMAO THAT ZOOM IN WAS SO AWKWARD WHY DID THEY DO THAT

i want to kiss maggot

vollgastern need a mashup theme song

ohhh i bet pete and ivan beat up leon

lolll ahura spiraling to sell that punch

lmaooo is christian bischoff trying to hide from the brawl?

chest hair manipulation i love it

nothing will ever beat jurn waxing a patch of david starr’s chest hair and then rubbing lemon in the wound

someday i hope to have a seat at wxw and a wrestler land on me

sure not gonna happen at oberhausen tho lol

aw maggot should have spun jay around for longer

ok i want more of the crown being forced to work with andy and jay

goddamn what is that submission aj is doing

someone save my boyfriend maggot

omg ahura stop trying to get the crowd clapping and just do it

see? you took too much time and now you’re fucking dead

LOL AHURA

the funny thing is i’ve seen people overshoot even farther than that

ACH once ended up landing on someone in the third row at an evolve show

dude’s chair broke

the crown trying to make macho noises is so silly, and not in the good way

HAHAHA JAY U MORON

hugs all around

hahahaha yes ilja is totally being a twat rn

i love how obnoxious ilja can be without saying anything

he’s totally pretending to ignore david too

more bathroom shenanigans

that was totally pete or ivan

juju probably could be selling better, but to be fair i’m paying extra close attention cause they kinda forgot to put english subs in this scene

LUFISTO!!!!!!

full disclosure from here on out is writetn like, more than three days after the other stuff because i’ve been lazy busy and tired

i hate that winning one match in the womens division earns you a title shot now

at least faye got to be in a plot scene with amale? sort of?

man this match is really clicking with me in a way that amale’s others ones havent

ok it’s slowing down a bit now, but still

it occurs to me that i am watching this in the middle of the day when my adderall is still working

whereas often i am watching at night

it is entirely possible i am more harsh on wrestling when my meds run out.....

oh shit that counter was great

ok that spot with the tights was weird

the kiss my flag thing doesn’t really work cause the flags on her wrists aren’t that easy to see

AH ok the ring tights come into play - that was real clever

tho also amale is attempting actual murder

ok that was a really good shitty win

did juju actually get injured or were they never intending to put vollgastern in the festival?

not that i’m upset to see the pretty bastards in the tournament

man these subtitles were really rushed out

karsten beck: most huggable authority figure

aww our baby, betrayed again :(

well at least he knows he can do it alone!

OMG THIS IS SO OVER THE TOP

e d g e l o r d f e s t

OH AMALE IS NOT PRETENDINFGF SHE DOESN��T SPEAKK ENGLISH

DIS BITCH

(i love it)

ughghghg :”is she more attractive than me” wxw stop

i do appreciate faye being like ‘oh karsten it’s ok; we all know it’s true’

i kinda hate how like, every time women get into each other’s faces it’s like LADIES PLS CALM DOWN WHAT IS OCCURING HERE which like, rarely happens with dudes

*amale voice* she did NOT just call me booboo

i still think people should boo in the tune of the ringkampf theme but i guess it’s just never gonna happen

i will never get tired of ilja’s stink expressions

i know mark got injured so they won’t go into the festical with the titles either way, but if walter and ilja win the titles back i’m gonna puke

tho i guess with walter  not being there, they’d be fucked either way lol

lmaoooooo walter you do now have a mercedes

him bragging about his lawn is so fucking funny to me

so suburban american

heehee bless that child that just yelled auf die fresse

WOW wtf was that suplex ilja

i want to hug mark davis

he probably isn’t traveling righ tnow but if you see him pls hug him for me

oh poor kyle is just like...not in this match

that was the most suspenseful back body drop ever

these near falls are killing me!

SLAPPED THE THIGH ON A LOW BLOW

top tier asshole tactics

wait is tas dead cause he got pulled out of the thing? tas you’re getting old

um karsten i think you can dq them?

yaaaaaaay

hahaha walter carrying ouit ilja on his shoulders

i wanna see karsten fire walter and ilja so bad

HAHAHAHAHAHAH ALMOST AS GOOD

i mean, it’s totally a saving throw

but still

ooooo muller and timo vs the workhorsemen is gonna be god as fuck

i know faye probably won’t win, but i really fucking want her to

dominic garrini gonna bring some good grapplefuck

i have not seen the past tim vs biff matches, but everyone raves about them

UGH THE FINALS IS STILL A 3 WAY FUCK THAT

[julystorms]

I blame @goodguyjean for this since we were talking about AUs last night, but I was thinking about modern AUs today: specifically how many of them just...fall flat to me. Like in theory they sound easy and fun to write! But you’re transplanting characters into a completely different world, man. You can’t just give them your own interests and let ‘em go??? And I mean, people write these adorable “how they met” stories but none of the characters ever seem to be in character; it’s like the scenario just seems cute so people use it regardless as to whether or not the characters would actually do those things/say that stuff/et cetera.

And of course if you’re writing a long’fic, you have to consider the ramifications of the choices you’ve made, of the lives you’ve plunked the characters down into. Which sometimes means amazing fanfiction but usually means the entire premise the author started with falls on its goddamned face.

I mean you can write artist!Jean! It’s not implausible! But he has to actually feel like Jean. This is one of the reasons businessman!Levi doesn’t jive with me. I can’t see it? I’ve always seen him working lower-profile jobs like being on the janitorial staff somewhere. He’s not the kind of person who wants to be in the limelight. Levi can’t feel like Levi if he’s spiffily dressed with a gold pocketwatch--not unless he’s undercover for some reason (and probably doing a mediocre job of it, tbh). Businessman!Mike makes me kind of uncomfortable, too. He’s another character who doesn’t strike me as the sort of person who would do well in that kind of a position, not generally speaking, anyway. This is YMMV material though, since his character is only barely established and I see him as a very hands-on person: construction, maybe engineering, plumber, carpenter, roofing, et cetera. I think in some situations I could be sold on Mike as a businessman if he’s in a position that makes sense to his character, where he doesn’t have to talk overmuch and mingle for pleasure with random people--and also it works a little better if it’s a job Erwin secured for him via Connections. That said, I think fandom tends to think only skin-deep regarding the characters. Well, Mike’s 6′5′’ and imposing looking, so of course he’d look sharp in a suit! Well...yes. And he’d be a great bouncer. And various other things. But would he actually take a job like that? And what kind of childhood did he have? Teenage years? What kind of personality is he in possession of? Is it one suited for this kind of work or would he lose his job/credibility quickly? 

Fandom likes to dump things like careers and living situations on characters in modern settings without bothering to think about what makes sense for the characters and their finances. Hitch in fashionable clothes only makes sense if she has the means to access this stuff: a really good job? Upper middle class parents? She can sew her own? Like she might seem like the sort of character who wants to look fashionable but that doesn’t mean her upbringing and history and current situation really allow for it. You know?

Like everyone wants to write Petra as a kindergarten teacher, and it’s not that the idea doesn’t work at all: she looks the part and she would be so kind to the kids! It’s that fandom does it because she’s kind of small and she’s a woman and she looks like a kindergarten teacher. Everyone expects it? But it only fits if it’s something she’s extremely passionate about, if it challenges her mind--like she teaches for an inner-city school and she feels needed and necessary and like she’s making a big difference. She’s passionate about trying to get these kids the education they deserve and need, about bringing her own supplies in with money she doesn’t really have, just so that they can have that. Bringing in snacks on her own dime for the little ones who don’t always get enough at home so that they can focus on learning so they can move up in the world. Petra teaching at a ritzy private school doesn’t...work. Not for her character. She’s not that kind of person. It doesn’t fit. She’s more a nosy journalist than a comfortable teacher. She needs to be challenged by her work in a good way.

And I mean, I’m all about turning fandom’s expectations for an AU upside-down, but those have to work, too. Gelgar as a chef of a like greasy spoon sorta place. Nanaba as an editor or college professor. Jean as a police officer. Marco in law. Henning the UPS guy. Nifa a professional volleyball player. Mikasa in accounting. Sasha doing data entry. Eren into programming. Mike as a nurse in a nursing home.

People seem to have very specific ideas of the kinds of jobs that are available in the world, and everyone dives after “generic businessman” because it’s just...easy to be really vague about? Bro, I am not about that life and very few people end up in that kind of a position. Lots of people do CSR work for years and if you can stick that out and get promoted, you’ll probably have an easy job that pays pretty darn well compared to the work you have to put in. There’s no shame in people who manage chain restaurants or supervise second shift in a factory. In fact, those are the kinds of jobs most people end up in. Why not your characters, too? I never imagined I’d end up where I am. There were so many jobs people easily saw me in (teaching, police work, SaHM, veterinary medicine, fitness) and what I ended up doing, in order, was: fast food, factory work, HR assistant/receptionist, CSR, writing/analysis tutor, and billing.

I guess...nothing pulls me out of an AU faster than characters who all seem to have high-end jobs they ended up in...by like...some kind of magic? For most jobs there’s schooling, apprenticeships... And even then there’s a ladder to climb. Grades can and do matter in competitive fields. Grades in difficult fields tend to be lower (electrical engineering vs. the liberal arts) and in fields where positions need filled, they hardly matter so long as you get a degree.

Even if they already have the job, I want to see the journey somehow. I don’t want to read a story where it feels like the characters were magically granted their positions as CEOs of some big-wig company.

So like, artist!Jean could be really, really fun to write. He could easily be a brutally honest traditional artist* who does oil paintings and really likes his field and is here for a degree, not to make it rich doing shows or making nice with the wealthy. Art can still be a passion for him. He’s just the sort of person who sees the world as it is and knows how competitive the field is and doesn’t want to struggle for years on the off-chance that he will get established. He’d rather get a boring 9-5 and come home to spend his free time doing art. It stays fun that way; he remains passionate about it. But his day job is like, data entry for a medical company.

Anyway this didn’t have a point to it except to say that I really wish I could enjoy AUs more. It’s just hard for me because I tend to overthink things? Like, to expand a little more, you’re at your job more than you’re at home talking to your significant other before bed, usually. You spend a lot of time there. And lots of people work in unexpected fields but like, their reaction to working in a career that doesn’t fit them needs to actually exist. Maybe Mike is a businessman and hates it or is super uncomfortable in that position because he’s not very good with Words and can’t keep up with the kind of snide office shenanigans that other characters like Erwin might thrive on or find a welcome challenge. He’s still doing it, though, for [insert reason here like he has a kid to support/bills to pay/he failed at doing something else and is afraid of instability]. Mike as a person who relies on people understanding him without him needing to say much wouldn’t do very well in an environment that requires him to talk a lot and be clear and concise. He probably knows this isn’t a good fit for him, it probably makes him anxious, but man what do you do if you have a kid at home depending on you? A mortgage?

Or maybe you have Historia as a pianist but HAHA SURPRISE she actually sucks?? And the support she’s receiving is like...totally unfounded...

And then artist!Jean who works doing data entry for a medical company as mentioned above. He thinks it’s boring AF and he really wants to kick Eren, the company’s programmer, into the dirt for not putting out fixes fast enough for issues in the software he designed... But overall he’s pretty okay with his job because it gives him the money to buy art supplies and pay rent on an apartment that has an extra bedroom--one he uses specifically for his art. He has no splendorous dreams for himself; he doesn’t see his job as “just temporary”; he just lives his life the best way he knows how and the story that’s being told around this backdrop takes into account the fact that he has a job and a hobby that take up a lot of his time.

Because like, people aren’t their jobs...but they do take up a large part of their day. In a romance I don’t need a play-by-play of every single day of work, ‘cause Eren staring at code for 37 pages doesn’t seem like much fun to write or read...but as a writer who is in Eren’s head, you can’t really escape the fact that work is a huge part of his life and probably who he is--to the extent, anyway, that that huge bug fix that needs to be done by Monday? Is something he can’t...escape from. He’s thinking about it all weekend. Even if he doesn’t want to. Because it’s a big part of the life he lives. Even if romance is the focus of the story and the plot, when you forget to include these kinds of things the characters tend to feel ... kind of hollow. Like they couldn’t possibly exist as people because they never seem to be at work or never think about work or don’t really seem to have any real hobbies or interests that don’t move the plot...?

Anyway idk where I was going with this lmao. I love AUs but so many of them just don’t work for me. I’m probably just weird though. :P

*this is basically my brother so i could write this convincingly lmao and lemme tell you what there are a lot of people majoring in art who can’t stand criticism i can practically HEAR critique circles with jean in them as i type this!!

[purpleparrot]

ok i’m gonna do a post on the bachelorette bios under a read more bc its long as h*ck

Adam, 27, real estate agent. Gains points for listing his most embarrassing moment as telling his mom he was going on the bachelorette (submit an application for any reality show and you have answer to that question for the rest of you life) and immediately loses them for saying his favorite actor is “jennifer lawrence because she’s every girl’s goal” (three years ago this would have been true but not now my guy) and saying a threesome is the most romantic gift he’s ever received.

Alex, 28, information systems supervisor. Says the most outrageous thing he’s ever done is eat a live salamander (um?) and lists the rock as his favorite artist (um????). Also says the most romantic present he’s ever given is a car which was probably very awkward when the relationship ended.

Anthony, 26, education software manager. Describes emotional intelligence as one of his best attributes so if things don’t work out with Rachel he’d be a great match for Taylor from Nick’s season. Also says that he has “virtually no limits in the bedroom once the connection is there” and honestly its just weird that they asked some of them that question (like I’d answer that question for the entire internet to read)

Blake E., 31, “Aspiring Drummer” says that the most outrageous thing hes ever done is get engaged to a “crazy girl” then calls himself a “classic gentleman” two questions later. Also wants to watch the new 50 Shades movie because he loves “taboo sexy stuff”. Was engaged for 48 hours which is probably about 24 hours more than he’ll last on the bachelorette. Hates when his date talks about her cats, so Taylor Swift is basically his worst nightmare. Also doesn’t think parking ticket people have souls, which is honestly the most redeeming answer of the bunch.

Blake K, 29, U.S, Marine Veteran. Would want to be the Rock for a day because “he’s the only person who could look cool wearing a fanny pack”. Says that roses are his favorite flower, which I’m 99% sure is a prerequisite to getting on the show. Says he won’t wrestle a crocodile or eat monkey brains for love, and mostly seems too normal for this show.

Brady, 29, Male Model. Says that tackling snowmen is something he does for fun in his hometown (um? fingers crossed he makes it to hometowns so we can see how exactly that works) and says Lululemon sweatpants are the most romantic gifts he’s ever received, which is slightly (okay a lot) more normal than threesome. Says the the Situation from Jersey Shore is the person he dislikes the most in the world, making me think about that show for the first time in at least three years. (Also, does he remined me a little bit of Robby from Jojo’s season appearance-wise?)

Bryce, 37, Chiropractor. Kind of looks like Chase from Jojo’s season (to me at least). Lists like seven things when asked for his three best attributes, so apparently has some trouble with numbers. Also says the Bachelor/Bachelorette is one of his favorite TV shows because he’s “fascinated by the interaction socially between a man and a woman” (please no one watches this show for the love story, you watch for the drama and you know it) has also had balcony sex? (idk what to do with that information)

Bryce, 30, firefighter. All of his answers are oddly poetic? Describes himself as a “laid back shot of gasoline when the fire starts to die”. Looking for someone with “eyes you could drown in and a smile that insults the sun”. Says he’s “a fresh drink of water with a jolt of lightning”. I’d put money on him reading Rachel some 9th grade English poem the first night. Describes his dream job as a professional Instagrammer which he’s definitely in the right place for with all the Fittea and teeth whitening stuff everyone who goes on this show seems to sell.

Dean, 26, startup recruiter. Has a lip tattoo? (It says righteous, I know you were dying to know. Thinks marriage is an “institutionalized sham derived from religious beliefs” so he’ll fit in perfectly on a show where the end goal is getting engaged!

DeMario, 30, executive recruiter. Scores points for referencing Britney Spears not once but twice, saying he loves attention but not like 2007 Britney, like when she and Justin Timberlake wore those denim outfits. Wants to have a pet lion and name it “Denzel the lion”, Doesn’t have any phobias, which I’m sure made the produces frown and cross his name off potential candidates for those dates they always have where they skydive or something and they’re both really freaked out and have to comfort each other. Earns more points by saying that the most romantic gift he’s ever given is tickets to a Beyonce and Jay-Z concert.

Diggy, 31, senior inventory analyst. Spends Saturday nights trying to recover from day drinking (he and Corinne would get along great if Rachel doesn’t pick him!) Once pretended to be asleep so he didn’t have to help a girl find her brother after a one night stand.

Eric, 29, personal trainer. Rachel seems like she was digging him on the ATFR when she men some of her guys. If he could be anyone for a day, he’d be Tony Robbins, which is a name I had to Google and according to Wikipedia he is a    “MLM advocate, businessman, and author”. Says green juice is his favorite drink, so I’m sure he’ll be fine in the bachelor house where it seems like all they have to drink is champagne. Not to go all avril-lavigne-is-dead-and-was-replaced-by-a-clone conspiracy theorist but if he could go anywhere in the U.S. it would be New Orleans, which is where Rachel had her one-on-one with Nick.

Fred, 27, Executive Assistant. Admits to the entire Internet that he sometimes gets aroused at work. This isn’t in his bio but in the preview for the season it says that he and Rachel went to elementary school together and he has apparently had a “lifelong fascination” with her ever since which is a lil weird to me. Like I doubt I could pick someone I went to elementary school with out of a lineup much less recognize them on TV nearly 20 years later.

Grant, 29, emergency medicine physician (!). Would like to be President of the United States for a day, which would honestly probably be better than Donald Trump (I mean, they have about the same amount of experience). Lists Playboy as his favorite magazine with a ;) face. Makes a lame “A see food diet. I see food I eat it” when asked about eating habits, so I’m expecting him to open with an equally lame joke when he meets Rachel.

Iggy, 30, Consulting Firm CEO. Idk if ABC made a typo or what, but if not he lists his best and worst attributes as the same traits (Truly a double edged sword). If stranded on a dessert island he would want it to be a banana float (haha) (Also thats a really stupid question anyway-ABC if you need someone else to write these I’m available)

Jack Stone, 32, Attorney (!). First, why is his whole name on the website? Usually its just their last initial, and that’s only if there’s two people with the same name. Which isn’t the case here so @ ABC wyd. Is an attorney like Rachel, and has been the only one so far smart enough to plead the fifth on the bedroom question. Two of his worst attributes are “hard on myself, anxious” which is very #relatable. Says tulips are his favorite flower because they’re like roses without thorns.

Jamey, 32, Sales Account Executive. Answers the question “where do you see yourself in five years” with “I am trying not to make plans right now” which is also very #relatable. I should bust that one out at my next job interview. Says his ideal mate looks like a model (we all wish) and responds “I do not have any female friends” to “describe your best friend of the opposite sex and why she/she deserves that title”.

Jedidiah, 35, ER Physician (!). Previously owned dogs that were over 1/2 wolf, which is slightly terrifying. Likes wild flowers that grow above high altitudes. Has had sex on a glacier which just sounds like a bad idea, frostbite and all that. Likes nice pens (don’t we all), clashing slightly with his outdoorsy image.

Jonathan, 31, “Tickle Monster”. Anyone identifying themselves as a tickle monster would be cut immediately if I were Rachel. They wouldn’t even make it inside the mansion. I hate being tickled. Formerly sported a mullet. Says his favorite flower right now is a red rose (*rolls eyes*). Previously married, which the producers are probably going to bring up at every given opportunity. Lists Britney Spears as one of his favorite music artists, which still doesn’t even begin to make up for the tickling thing.

Josiah, 28, Prosecuting Attorney (!). Has had sex in his office, so hopefully he didn’t tell his employer he was going on the show, and if he did, hopefully they don’t find this. Was once catfished, so perhaps he’s on the wrong show anyway. Perhaps Nev and Max can participate in a group date giving tips on how not to get catfished.

Kenny, 35, professional wrestler. Spends his Saturday nights either “wrestling in his underwear in front of thousands of people or with his daughter”. Has a daughter, which the producers will also probably bring up at every given opportunity because exploiting children is always fun! Says he was “quick draw Mcgraw” when he first started dating his ex. Has had sex with a wife while her husband watched, which sounds like more Unreal than Bachelorette territory tbh.

Kyle, 26, marketing consultant. Generally doesn’t trust people and dislikes corrupt authority, and respects Ed Snowden. Probably has a Bernie 2016 sticker on his car. doesn’t know what gluten is but eats gluten free when he can. Describes his ideal mate as 7+ and says BDSM was weird because he doesn’t like hurting people.

Lee, 30, Singer/Songwriter. Would want to learn to make booze if stranded on a deserted island.  Considers himself a romantic. Also seems too normal for this show (aside from the career) and will probably be gone the first night.

Lucas, 30, “Whaboom” I googled it and couldn’t find an answer as to what “Whaboom” even means so we’re off to a great start. When asked who he would have lunch with out of everyone in the world, replies “ Dead: Bruce Jenner, Alive: Caitlyn Jenner” *cringes* would want the cast of the View with him on a deserted island which is pretty smart actually because they’d probably wind up killing each other and he could establish himself as the apex predator. Enjoys a “good old bump and grind” when it comes to dancing. Lists going to funeral as one of his least favorite date activities, which makes me question his dating history history. I feel like he’ll be the villain.

Matt, 32, Construction Sales Rep. Describes lingerie as the most romantic gift he’s ever given saying  “I knew I was in love once I found myself shopping at Victoria Secret” #justlikethenotebook. Describes a tinder date as his worst dating memory. Has had sex on a cruise ship balcony. Despite that is probably still too normal for the show and will probably be eliminated quickly.

Michael, 26, Former professional basketball player, which is less impressive when you keep reading and find out it was in Bulgaria. Would want to have lunch with Obama. One of his worst date fears is one of his friends hooking up with his date in the past which should make fantasy suites fun should he make it that far. Also like the fifth guy to name Denzel Washington as his favorite actor.

Milton, 31, Hotel recreation supervisor. Has a lip tattoo. Is oddly upfront about not being on the show for the “right reasons”. He says he wants to be discovered and break into acting or writing.  (At least try to lie and say you’re here for love my guy). Describes himself as only “kinda” romantic because he thinks it can show you’re weak.

Mohit, 26, Product manager. Says he is going to dress up as gluten for Halloween. Good luck with that. Likes country music. Has used Tabasco sauce in the bedroom which just sounds like a bad idea (honestly what do yall get up to where you need condiments). Is like the third person to say he admires Elon Musk.

Peter, 31, business owner. Once thought he got abducted after a one night stand. Likes modern family. Seems normal. Also cute. I’ve been trying to dodge spoilers but a few have slipped through the cracks and I must say...

Rob, 30, law student. Would want to have lunch with Buddha. Would want to be able to control time. Also seems normal. Will probably be eliminated quickly.

Will, 28, Sales Manager. Considers himself a romantic. Describes every tinder date he’s ever been on as his worst dating experience. Hates being a second choice, so hopefully he doesn’t wind up like Nick as runner up twice.

So overall it seems like there’s a lot more diversity this season, which is great to see! its also cool that that most of the men are closer to Rachel’s age compared to last season when some of the girls were literally 10 years younger than nick. And since i haven’t read spoilers, i guess i’ll pick a few faves based on bios alone: Peter, Eric, DeMario, Jack stone thats probably way off im bad at stuff like that

See yall the 22nd!