#I think everyone can rock a maid fit and a butler fit. not even just in cult of the lamb I mean irl too-

[krystaldeath]

I know we all L O V E the maid outfit but what if there was a butler outfit <-Wants Heket in a butler outfit SO badly

[teawithkpop]

[M] - PhysCom - Pt 3

pt 1 - pt 2 - pt 3 - bc 1 - pt 4 - pt 5 - pt 6

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader

Rating: Mature [18+]

Length: 8.8k words

Genre: PhysCom AU - smut with dashes of angst, and a shitload of romance and complicated feelings,, uhuhu (porn with plot??)

Warnings: none for this chapter?? other than a boatload of angst and feelings and ahhhh holy shit wtf is going on

thank you all for being patient! ^^ I had a couple hiccups while writing this part, but thankfully I think everything is heading in the right direction now hehe~ hope you enjoy!

“I think we should go out there, and I should kiss you senseless, sweetheart.”

You stare at Namjoon, trying to calm your racing heart. He’s joking, right? He has got to be joking. Doling out kissing privileges is what got you into this mess in the first place. Stirring more jealousy into the pot probably won’t help things.

It takes a count of three before he laughs. “I’m kidding. Obviously.”

You squint at him. He didn’t sound like he was kidding. You glance down to button his jacket around you and notice that there’s a prominent tent in his pants.

Oh...

You smirk. “You sure you didn’t have any ulterior motives for that plan, Master Kim?” You tease him with the title and are pleased to see his cheeks flush when your head inclines ever so slightly towards his lap.

He coughs, clears his throat, straightens his tie. “Of course not.”

You can’t contain the grin on your face. “Really? Not a single, rock hard, reason?”

He readjusts his position, crossing his legs to hide the evidence of his arousal. “Nope.”

You laugh, and catch him grinning too.

“Okay, so maybe... it wasn’t the most objective plan,” he admits with a chuckle. If he’s trying to cheer you up, it’s working. You start to giggle and have to hold your sides as the laughter spills out, quickly turning delirious. A boner is such a preposterous thing to pretend to hide for the sake of manners when it’s your job to sexually satisfy them. Something about it just tickles an exhausted funny bone in you. “Sorry-” You burst into another fit of giggles, trying to catch your breath.

“Don’t apologize.” Namjoon says, his eyes smiling as few laughs slip out of him as well. He pets your hair while you catch your breath, his hand falling to your cheek, his eyes tender. “You look so sweet when you laugh.”

Your heart flutters. Kim Namjoon has the charm and charisma of a diplomat, but the kindness and consideration of a humanitarian. You don’t know how he manages to balance his professionalism with his personability, but he sure as hell manages it somehow. Your hand slips onto his knee and his thumb brushes your cheek, laughter still on the tips of your tongues. You feel like you're two kids on prom night, that same sort of silly sexual tension lingering between you.

He leans in, and your heart stops for a second, but his lips merely graze your forehead. He pulls back, his gaze clouded with something you can’t quite identify. “If you ever decide to add kissing to your list of services,” he says quietly, his gaze traveling over your face and down to your lips. “I’d like to be the first to know.”

You swallow. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you aren’t tempted to add it today, right now in fact, and plant one on him. But that would defeat the whole purpose of this discussion, so you somehow manage to resist the temptation.

His hand finds its way to your thigh, his eyes swirling with that indiscernible emotion, and you have to wonder if you're not the only one having to restrain yourself here.

"You'll be the first," you answer quietly, trapped under his mesmerizing gaze.

After a few agonizing moments of silence, he nods almost imperceptibly and pulls back with a smile, his hand retreating from your leg.

“Honestly,” he says, folding his hands in his lap. “I think the best solution is to talk it out with them.” It takes you a moment to realize he's returned to the matter at hand, talk of kissing you seemingly forgotten. “If you want me there, I’d be more than happy to mediate,” he offers, giving you a sidelong glance. “But if that doesn’t work, then maybe they’re not mature enough for the privilege of having you as a PhysCom.”

He shrugs, his tone and expression practical and professional. “I would recommend a suspension of your services for a few days. Remind them how much they really appreciate the work you do.”

You laugh at this option. “You want me to blue ball them?”

He chuckles wryly. “Well… consider it like discipline. If a kid isn’t treating their toys with respect, what do you do? You take away the toy and give them time to think about what they did.”

You look at him askance, surprised by his wisdom on the topic. “Since when did you know so much about raising kids?”

“I read a lot,” he replies cheekily.  “Anyway, we’d better get back out there before they start to speculate.” Namjoon stands, offering you a hand.

You take it, stand up, and start to shed his jacket, but he stops you. “Keep it on. It’s alright.” He moves the fabric back over your shoulders, his fingertips brushing your skin.

“Are you sure?” Your eyes meet his, and you can feel the tension in his gaze, ready to snap from the slightest tug.

He meets your eyes without hesitation. “I’m positive.” His gaze lingers on your lips again, and his hand brushes up from the jacket's collar to cup your neck. His thumb brushes softly along your jaw before he seems to remember himself. He pulls away with noticeable reluctance and goes to open the door. “Ladies first.”

You snort. “I’m not exactly a lady,” you reply, looking down at your nearly naked form, but you don’t argue with him and take the lead. He follows you out, shutting the door behind him.

------

The scene you return to in the dining room is unexpected. The dim, sensual lighting has been ruined by the regular lamps turned on in the corners of the room. Butlers and maids are cleaning up the table, and you count three less clients milling around than before.

It would seem the banquet is over.

"What happened?" You ask, hurrying over to Seokjin. "Where is everyone?"

He sighs and flashes you a weary smile. "I had to send Taehyung and Jimin to their rooms. They were... getting out of hand."

Yoongi snorts from across the table. "That's an understatement. Nearly started brawling. Don't know what the hell got into them."

Seokjin shoots him a warning glace. “Anyway, I thought it would be best to wrap things up for the evening.”

Your gaze darts around, checking who's still here. Jungkook, Yoongi, Seokjin, Namjoon, and... Hoseok? He's missing. "What about Master Jung?"

Yoongi's smirk fades and he looks down. "He said he wasn't feeling well. Asked to be excused."

Your stomach sinks. This is definitely your fault. Fuck, poor Hoseok. He’d been the one fucking you when you called your safe word, and you’d hate for him to think it was because of something he did. You want to run and go talk things out with him - with all of them, per Namjoon's suggestion, but your eyes catch on Jin again. His face is cast downward, a small frown on his face as he rolls a rose stem between his fingers forlornly.

You feel impossibly worse. Everything’s gone wrong. This was supposed to be his night to have you however he wants, and now the party's over before he even got to fuck you.

"Master Kim." You walk up beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder and pulling his attention away from the flower. "We can… take things back to your suite, if you wish." You look up at him sweetly, hoping you can at least try to make things right.

Jin shakes his head with a thin smile. "No, pet. You've been through enough tonight." He pets your hair and heaves another sigh. “You should get some rest.”

You look down to his pants and see a tent there similar to Namjoon’s. You touch his chest, sliding your hand down his stomach and towards his crotch. “But you-”

“No.” He takes a hold of your wrist before you can make contact where he needs it most. He takes a moment to breathe, the conflict of his wants and needs clear on his face. “No, you need some rest, my pet. It’s been a very busy evening.” He brings your hand up and holds it against his cheek instead. “You shouldn’t tax yourself.”

Your heart feels like it’s sunk below the floorboards, and you can’t keep the worry out of your eyes. None of them have ever turned you down like this before. Not when they’re hard. Not when this is your job.

“Master, I’m fine to do it, honestly. Besides... I can’t just leave you like this.” You say meaningfully, knowing that he would get in trouble if he takes care of the problem himself. He seems like he’s about to assure you when Yoongi pipes up again.

“Don’t worry about him. Another slut will take care of it tonight.”

What?

Seokjin’s jaw twitches and you sense he’s restraining himself from saying something. Did they talk about this while you were gone? “He’s right, darling.”

What the fuck.

“That’s what they’re there for, after all.”

What the fuck is happening.

“Don’t worry about me, just get some beauty sleep.”

What the actual fuck?

“You’ll feel better in the morning.” 

You wrench yourself out of Jin’s grasp, unable to believe what you’re hearing. Your head is spinning, lungs suddenly short of breath. This can’t be happening. Your career, your livelihood, their favoritism… all gone in one night. It’s only a matter of time now. The more they play with the other PhysComs - the fucking Secondaries - the less special you are in their eyes.

In one evening, you’ve become… exchangeable.

You grip the edge of the table, hands shaking as you start to see red.

“Darling?” Seokjin places a hand on your back, his eyes wide with concern. “Do you need some water? Some air?” 

You jerk away from him, your despair turning to rage. “I’m not some fucking flower! Okay? I said I’m fine!”

Jin looks startled. Namjoon comes over, his voice soothing. "Everything's alright, sweetheart. Let's get you to bed, okay?"

You wrench away from him too, stumbling back. "No! It's not fucking alright!" A heavy silence follows your outburst. All you can hear is your own labored breath. All their eyes are on you, wide with concern, and fear, and… pity.

You can't stand it, can't stand the way they're looking at you. Like their fuck toy is malfunctioning… You turn on your heel and dash out of the room, knocking into Jungkook in your haste. You push him aside, but not before your eyes meet and he can see the tears streaming down your cheeks.

You ignore them as they call after you, and you escape to your room for the second time that day.

-------

As you slam your door shut, you run over and flop onto the bed to cry into your pillow. Dramatic? Sure. Do you care? Not particularly. It’s not like anyone’s here to judge you and your pity party anyway.

Fuck, this is all wrong. How could things have gone so wrong so quickly?

This whole day has been a complete and utter mess, from the moment Taehyung had tried to kiss you. Or… maybe from the moment you let it happen.

You squeeze your eyes shut, replaying every agonizing moment up until now. The kissing, the feelings, the tension at dinner, the moment you broke... fuck, that one hurt.

But being replaced... that hurts even more.

You sob for a good long while, not caring if anyone could hear you. You just need to get it out, god you haven’t cried in so long. Once it’s out of your system, you’ll be back to normal, ready to fuck at a moment’s notice like always.

But then again, you’ve only been employed for six months. Is this just what happens after a while? Do PhysComs just… break? Is that why the job has such a high turnover?

Well, if that’s the case, then you’re screwed. You might as well start begging on the street now. Sure the money you’ve earned so far is enough to float you through for a little while, but without another job to replace this one, it won’t last for very long.

Being a PhysCom is everything you’ve trained for, everything you’ve ever wanted. Without it, you’re nothing. You have no identity outside of your training, no skill set outside of pleasuring others, no prospects… no hope.

Would your family take you back in?

You know the answer immediately. No, no they wouldn’t. Not after what you did to them.

You have no friends aside from the other people you trained with, but you’ve long since lost contact with them, any ties to them were cut once you were hired and shipped off here.

Could you get another job? Highly unlikely.

Once someone becomes a PhysCom, the position is recorded on their government file, branding them for life as a personal sex worker. Random day jobs don’t hire people who were previously fuck toys, it reflects badly on their brand. New employers for PhysComs scrutinize previous positions mercilessly. Any criticism or stain on your performance record will put you out of the running in favor of someone just out of training. No one wants to take leftovers when there’s so much fresh meat on the market.

You have no plan B. Your life is ruined, crumbling apart before your very eyes.

Your ComGear buzzes incessantly, but you ignore it. They can message you all you want, you’re done for today. If they want to get off so badly, they can go find some Secondaries. Clearly, that’s the best solution while you’re here agonizing over your career and ‘getting some beauty sleep’, as Seokijn put it. Ugh.

Now would be the perfect time to masturbate and relieve some of this anger and stress. If only you could actually orgasm.

It’s only then that you see the envelope sitting at the bottom of your door. You hadn’t noticed it before, someone must have slipped it inside at some point.

You crawl off your bed with a sniff, your eyes still puffy from crying so much. It’s a small yellow envelope with your name on it. You open it, unfolding a piece of paper, creased in half to fit inside.

I’m sorry things got out of hand. I hope you can forgive me. - Hoseok ♡

The fact that he sent you a note instead of a text makes your heart feel funny. God, the world doesn’t deserve someone as good as Hoseok.

That’s it. Fuck your beauty sleep. You’ve made up your mind. You’re going to set at least one thing right from this trainwreck of an evening, and you won’t sleep until you do.

You throw on a bathrobe and peek out into the hallway outside your room, but thankfully you see no one. It doesn’t take you long to tiptoe to Hoseok’s room, and before long, you’re knocking softly on his door, the note clutched in your hand.

There’s no answer, and you worry for a moment that he might have already gone to bed. But soon the door creaks open, and Hoseok peers out. He looks awful, hair a wreck, dress shirt rumpled with a few buttons undone, and his eyes are puffy. Had he been crying, too?

“Oh,” He looks both panicked and relieved to see you. “Hi... um, listen about earlier-”

You shake your head and give him a half-smile, holding up the note as evidence. “You already apologized.”

“No, but I-” He stops, sighs, and opens his door all the way, rubbing the back of his neck. “Here, come inside. I want to talk to you.”

“Me too.” You fold your arms around yourself and go in, looking at him imploringly as he shuts the door behind you. “Master Jung, I didn’t use my safe word tonight because of anything you did. I want you to know that.”

He shakes his head, showing you a sad smile. “You don’t have to lie to me. I was the only one doing anything to you.”

Your eyebrows knit together in concern. Fuck. He does blame himself.

“Honestly, I was just… distracted. I’ve had a lot on my mind recently, so I wasn’t-”

“That’s exactly the problem.” He interrupts you with a stormy expression, and your eyes widen. He huffs. “I wasn’t considering your feelings.”

You blink in surprise. Your what now?

“I just… didn’t question Jin-hyung’s orders. Even though Jimin was reluctant to do it. I should’ve realized something wasn’t right, that you weren’t feeling up to it. I shouldn’t have let my dick do the thinking.” He looks to the floor, chewing the inside of his cheek. “I’m really sorry.”

Your mouth hangs agape. He’s talking as if this is about your whims. As if you have a say in the work you’ve already signed up for, as stated by your contract. Like having sex is negotiable.

“Hoseok…” You say his name without thinking, and his wide-eyed gaze snaps up to meet yours. “I think there’s a misunderstanding here.”

He nods. “Yeah, there is. A big fucking misunderstanding,” he laughs ruefully. “I misunderstood your place here with us. I realized tonight that… I had started seeing you as just a sex toy.”

You simply state the truth. “But that’s what I am.”

“No! You’re not!” You flinch as he shouts, his hands flying into the air. He grabs you by the arms, his eyes full of despair and regret. “You’re a human being, with thoughts and emotions and…” He realizes that he’s gripping you and hastily releases his hold. “Sorry.” He murmurs, sighing as he goes to sit down on his bed, head in his hands.

You’re a little shaken up by his passion. Why does he suddenly care about your thoughts and emotions? He should care about your feelings about as much as he cares about the feelings of their toaster oven. By the industries standards, you’re a fuck doll, nothing more. You’re not even supposed to have feelings, at least not when you’re on the job.

But… technically, right now… you’re done for the day. Off the clock.

You feel bad letting him stew in his little pit of blame, and you join him on the bed, sitting beside him. “It’s not your fault,” you reiterate. “If I really wasn’t feeling up to it, I should have taken the evening off."

Although you would never willingly do such a thing, it’s not uncommon for three or four PhysComs to be on the job for a group simultaneously, in case any of them are under the weather, or too tired to perform well.

Yours is a unique case, tackling all seven members’ pleasure single-handedly. You wouldn’t have been permitted to take on such a challenge had you not received such glowing reviews from your trainers. You’ve finally achieved what you had been working towards all that time.

Of course, now you might be at risk of losing everything.

“It was all a… stupid accident.” You might be thinking of more than just what happened at dinner, but Hoseok doesn’t need to know that.

He glances at you, still looking remorseful.

You get an idea. Why not play to your strengths? It can only benefit you to remind as many members as possible why you’re their Primary.

“You know, they say the best way to get over an accident… is to get back in the saddle.” You murmur, reaching your fingers out to graze his thigh. “Do you want to have a do-over, cowboy?”

His expression grows more concerned. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Fuck no. But you’re not sure of anything recently. “It can’t hurt, right?”

Hoseok looks conflicted. He doesn’t take your hand off his leg, but you aren’t about to advance further without confirmation. He studies your face, searching for something. “Do you even want to?”

You blink. Why is everyone suddenly asking for your consent? It’s implied. You signed a contract. That’s like asking to eat the food on your plate. “It doesn’t matter what I want, master.”

“Well, it matters to me.” His voice wavers as he reaches up to touch your cheek. “Your feelings matter to me. I don’t want to think of you as some mindless sex doll, because you’re not.”

His unexpected words strike right through your heart, leaving you raw and vulnerable.

“You may act like one, but you’re not. You’re a person.” He tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you, and I don’t ever want you to be uncomfortable again.”

You stare at him, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. What the hell is he saying?

��Starting now, I will never have sex with you unless you want to, okay? That’s a promise.” His eyes are like melted caramel, soft and warm and sweet, as he leans closer and starts kissing your neck. His lips are soft, apologetic. Whispering praises and apologies while his hand caresses your waist.

The stutter in your heartbeat means nothing. His words mean nothing. They don’t make any sense. Your pleasure doesn’t factor into the equation.

He can’t just do this, can’t just treat you like he cares about more than your body. He can’t cater to your deepest fantasies like this. It’s cruel.

“Hoseok,” your breath catches as he nips gently at your neck. “Master Jung-”

“I like Hoseok better. Or Hobi…” he murmurs, pulling the collar of your bathrobe aside to trail kisses along your shoulder.

“Hoseok,” you try again, a little more strength in your tone, despite how weak you feel with his lips on you like this. “This isn’t right.”

“Do you want me to stop? I will,” he says, lips hovering just above your skin.

No. No, you don’t want him to stop, says a part of your brain, the part that’s been dreaming about situations like this. Being held, being kissed, being loved… But the rest of your brain knows that you can’t risk it.

“You can do whatever you want to me. That’s the point,” you reply feebly. You’re not sure how else to get your message across, since he seems to have batted away your usual arguments. “I exist for your pleasure.”

“Well, what if I exist for yours, hm?” He smirks, pulling back to look at you. “What if I take care of you when you take care of me?”

Your eyes widen. Reciprocation goes against your entire job description, and besides, it’s pointless. He has to know that he’s breaking the rules, but he doesn’t seem to care at all.

His hand cups your jaw, his thumb running gently along your cheek. “You deserve so much more than being treated like a toy.”

You’re stunned into silence. Everything he’s saying is wrong.

But is it bad? Would it be so bad to let him take care of you, to let him appreciate you, if that’s what he truly wants?

“I exist for your pleasure… whatever form that may take.” You hesitantly reiterate the rules, if for no other reason than to clear your conscience. “If it’s what you want, then go ahead.”

He shakes his head. “Nope, sorry. It has to be something you want.” He smiles and leans closer, his eyes searching your face. “Do you want me, baby? Just be honest. Be yourself tonight.”

God damn it. You try to look away, but he gently turns your cheek back to face him. You can’t resist him. He gives you a warmth you haven’t known in ages, filling up every crack and crevice in your heart, and you desperately miss it, aching for the sensation of being wanted by someone… of being worthy.

Your willpower is dwindling. You can feel your breaking point approaching. Fuck it, if they might replace you anyway, what’s the worst that could happen?

You close your eyes, steeling yourself to let your walls down and to keep them down, at least for this little while. You inhale deeply, almost holding your breath.

“I want you, Hoseok.”

The truth comes out as merely a whisper, but once you start you can’t stop, the dam already broken. “I want you, god I want you so much, I-”

Soft lips cover your own. Oh… he’s tender and passionate all at once. His hands are greedy, unable to get enough of you, and yet they’re reverent, considerate, floating over your body and touching your face like you’re something important. Like you’re special to him.

It goes against every fiber of your being, every hour of your years of training, but fuck… it feels so good to be able to kiss him like this, with no inhibitions. He pulls you onto his lap, deepening the kiss as his hands grip your ass, pushing up the hem of your robe to really feel you.

You forget, in this moment, that he’s your client, and you wind your hands up and around the back of his neck, playing with his hair and humming into his sweet, soft lips. Everything about Hoseok feels warm, and sweet, and right. Shit, why does this feel so right?

“Good girl…” His tongue slips into your mouth and starts teasing yours, licking into your wet cavern while his hands wander over your body. He peels off your robe, slowly exposing your skin to his blissful hands and they rub and trace every curve and contour.

You can feel the smile on his lips as he glides his hands up your body. One stays on your ass, kneading the soft flesh while his other comes up to ghost over your breast, his thumb circling over your nipple with a languid motion. He’s in no rush. This isn’t a quick fuck, this is… something else, and the thrill of the unknown has you leaning into his touch, desperate to discover more.

He breaks away from your lips for air, leaning down to mouth at your other tit instead, causing you to whimper. “You’re so beautiful…” he murmurs, sucking on the sensitive bud while his hand gropes at the other side, pinching and rolling your nipple in his fingers.

You gasp at the blissful sensation, but a looming sense of dread grows as he continues, as you know his hard work won’t lead anywhere, and soon will follow the inevitable frustration of not being able to climax. The first cloud on the spotless horizon of your little tryst. 

“Hoseok…” you moan his name, rolling your hips into his lap, where you can feel his cock through his pants. “Let me do you now.” 

“Tonight’s not about me,” He doesn’t let up on his barrage of pleasure, smirking against your skin. “When was the last time you came, sweetness?”

You swallow. Shit, this wasn’t a good idea, was it?

“I… I can’t wait. Fuck me now, please...” You whine the excuse, grinding your bare pussy against his crotch. You remember what he said about doing what you desire. “I want you to fuck me, please…” Your voice drips with a very real desperation as your pleasure starts to reach its plateau.

He pulls back and chuckles. “Already? You sure you don’t want me to eat out that pretty pussy of yours? I could make you feel so good…” His tongue darts out to trace around his lips, and he slips the hand from your ass around to your front, testing how wet you are. “Fuck, I want to taste you so badly. Make you cum on my tongue, baby.”

You shake your head involuntarily, eyes wide and your cheeks turning red.

Heoseok smirks, mistaking your worry for shyness. “Aww, baby…” He kisses you again, rocking his hips up to meet yours. “It’s okay. I know this must be a big change for you.” He chuckles and scoots himself back onto the bed with you still in his lap, and you move to straddle him. “We can work up to it next time, okay?”

Next time?

You don’t have time to worry about such a troublesome prospect, as Hoseok wastes no time, fishing his cock out of his pants and lining himself up with your entrance, still fully clothed. “You ready, baby?” He leans in to kiss you again, and when you nod, he pushes slowly inside you. Hoseok’s cock is long and lithe, just like him, and it’s always able to reach your farthest corners. His stamina is also through the roof, probably from all that dancing, and whenever he plays with you, he often leaves you feeling fucked silly by the end of it. You prepare yourself for another such dizzying experience.

“Ah, fuck... “ He takes his time to sheath himself fully inside you, using the moment to feel every crevice of your walls, his cock throbbing from the sensation. You squeeze your walls around him, expecting him to start fucking you roughly any minute.

Instead his hands glide over your back, down to your ass again as he holds you almost supportively. You whine and buck desperately against his hips, but he stills your movement, silencing any complaints with another tongue-filled kiss. He takes his sweet time moving in and out of you, reaching deep inside of you with every thrust as his moans vibrate against your lips, the wet sounds of sex filling the otherwise silent room.

For some reason, your senses are heightened by his slow pace, and it feels even more intense than some of your roughest sessions. Every little twitch and rub of his hard cock into your sopping entrance has tingles of pleasure shivering up your spine, your heart racing even though he’s barely done anything. You arch your back, moaning into his mouth as he hits a particularly good angle.

He notices and adjusts his position, soon finding a lazy, easy pace to slide in and out of you, as if he has all the time in the world, and he wants to spend as much of it joined with you as possible.

“So fucking beautiful…” His voice is hoarse, thickly laced with something you can’t explain. He lays back onto the bed, pulling you with him, chest to chest, and continues to kiss you like he can’t get enough. You start to bounce on his cock, but his hands still grip you firmly at your hips, controlling the pace.

You groan at his agonizing slowness, but it feels so good, you can’t really complain. Shit, why didn’t they ask for this kind of sex more often? It feels incredible, like… like softcore porn. It’s… emotional, and raw, and deep. You feel like he’s touching your very soul with every stroke inside the furthest reaches of your core.

“Fuck, H-Hoseok…” you whimper, each languid push of his body has you trembling, aching for more. What is happening? You’ve never felt this before, this ache, this desire to keep him deep within your walls, forever sharing kisses and sweet touches.

“I’ve got you, baby,” he murmurs softly, supporting your back as he pushes even deeper with a groan. “You’re safe with me.”

You shudder and lean into him, and a memory from your training days comes to the surface.

“Never trust your client.” Madame paces in front of the class, her eyes scanning each girls’ face. “They will only betray you in the end.”

This is one of many talks Madame likes to have with her class, explaining not only the official rules, but also the practical ones. The things no one but other PhysComs would think to discuss.

“You are your own representative in their house. An independent contractor. Never let yourself be vulnerable around them.” Madame’s voice is strong and clear, full of intention.

Her eyes fall to your face, her gaze full of burning embers.

“Don’t fall for their guises of kindness.”

You gasp as Hoseok flips you two over, laying you gently onto the bed as he trails kisses up your body between murmured praises. “Fuck, baby… You’re so beautiful...”

You shudder, writhing beneath him as he lines himself up with your entrance again.

“Does it feel good, baby? Tell me.” He smiles brightly and leans down to kiss your neck, clearly pleased with his progress as he rubs his tip through your slick folds, eliciting another whimper from you. “I want to make you feel so good…”

“F-feels…”  Your voice trails off as you come upon a moment of clarity. What are you doing? How did you get into such a predicament? “Hoseok. This isn’t right.”

He stops, pulls back enough to look at you. “What’s not right, baby? I’ll fix it.”

You huff out a laugh, already feeling your stomach start to sink. “Why are you doing this?”

He looks confused. “Because I want to make you feel good.”

“No. No you don’t, because that’s not part of our arrangement,” you explain, looking up at his stunningly handsome face. A part of your heart hurts just looking at him, knowing he can never be yours.

“Well… maybe we can make a new arrangement,” he says quietly, the confidence in his eyes wavering.

You feel bad bringing the harsh truth into this when he’s worked so hard to live out this little fantasy with you, but you must. You can’t stay in this bed, in this daydream, forever. You know from experience, it’s best to rip the bandaid off, make sure he knows that this can’t be seen as anything more than indulgence and a lack of self control on your part.

 “Hobi, you don’t even know my name.” You look at him somberly, and as his face falls, you find yourself wishing the two of you were in a different world, living different lives, where you could let him kiss you and hold you and fuck you like this and not feel guilty about it. Your eyes fall downward, stewing in regret. Fuck, this would’ve hurt a lot less if you hadn’t given in and let him take your heart so easily.

You start to get up from the bed, but strong arms pull you back in, hugging you from behind.

“Hoseok.” Your tone is that of reprimanding a child. You have to be the responsible one here. It’s not his job to make sure you’re following the rules. “I should go.”

“I may not know your name, but I know you.” His voice is tender and soft, like sweet caramel, and he buries his face into the crook of your neck. “I’ve lived with you for six months, and they’ve been the best time of my life…” He plants soft kisses on your neck. “You make me happy.”

You feel numb. Why is he saying this? Doesn’t he realize how hard he’s making it to rip off this stupid bandaid?

He keeps kissing your skin, his hands skimming over your stomach and thighs. “Please…” he whispers, kissing and nibbling the shell of your ear. “Please stay with me. Just for tonight.”

Fuck. Fuck your weak heart. He can’t do this to you.

“Hobi… there are rules, I can’t just-”

“Forget the rules for a second. Do you want to stay?” He pauses his affection to give you a moment to think, and you find yourself wishing he’d continue.

Well, there’s your answer then. If there were no rules… you’d stay in this bed with him for as long as he’d let you. But you can’t bring yourself to say it. Your tongue, your lips… they won’t move, frozen in fear of the truth buried deep in your heart.

He must be able to sense your inner struggle, because his hands resume caressing and squeezing your body reassuringly. “Either way, I won’t tell anyone what happened, okay? Tonight is off the record.”

It’s those words, those stupid, considerate words, that have your paper-thin resolve crumpling once more.

You turn around in his arms, cup his jaw, and kiss him deeply, fully, your heart racing from the act of rebellion. He makes a small noise of surprise, but quickly reciprocates, a smile tugging at his lips. You exchange sloppy, heated kisses with him for several moments, basking in his natural warmth, before he pulls away.

“So… I’ll take that as a yes?” He smirks, his eyes dancing with playful affection.

You let out a laugh in spite of yourself. “Yes,” you sigh, shoving out all your worries and fears. Despite the warnings of your training days, you trust Hoseok. You have no reason not to do so. He’s shown you nothing but kindness and understanding.

He looks overjoyed at your reply, and kisses your once more, giddy and laughing throughout all of his tender little pecks. “But if you change your mind, you tell me. Alright, princess?” He coos, petting your cheek.

You nod, shy from his shower of affection.

He grins and repositions the two of you so he’s hovering above you again, and starts to unbutton his shirt. “Now, where were we?”

You blush as he exposes his smooth chest and sheds his shirt, tossing it aside. Even though you’ve seen him naked before, this feels more private somehow… almost intimate. Like he’s doing it exclusively for your benefit.

“Mm… we can stay like this all night long.” He leans down and kisses you again, taking your hand and guiding it to his chest, encouraging you to touch him. He then trails his lips down your neck and over your breasts before pausing again. “Oh, and um… do you mind telling me your name, baby?”

You blink in surprise. “Why?”

Hoseok lines himself up with your entrance, slowly starting to fuck you again, and he pulls back enough to look at you. He touches his forehead to yours, a sheepish grin on his face while he slides in and out of you, blissfully filling you up again and again.

“I want to know what name I should be moaning when I cum tonight.”

-------

Sunlight streams through the window, and you roll over to avoid it. You're too wrapped up in fantasies and dreams, and oh… wait, was last night a dream? Your heart sinks. There's no warm body next to yours. No trace of any evidence.

Maybe it’s better this way. It was a delicious dream, and you’ll file it away with the others you’ve had. Your career still needs some damage control, but at least you won’t have to deal with rebuilding your dignity after a night of misdemeanors. 

You prop up on your elbows, blinking the sleep out of your eyes and your heart stops at what you see. Hoseok's room. You're in Hoseok's room.

Well, shit… that's evidence if you ever saw it. Right? But where's Hoseok?

As if summoned by your thoughts, the boy appears from his en-suite bathroom, rubbing a towel through his hair.

The sight makes you inexplicably shy, and you bury back beneath the covers, as if to hide yourself from view. You hear him chuckle.

"Morning, princess."

You hunker down and hide even more, your heart racing. What the hell is wrong with you? You're a professional sex worker. Sex workers do not get shy the morning after.

The covers are lifted from you, revealing your face, and soft lips touch your own before you can object. "I had a great time. Did you?"

You stare up at him, looking like a Greek god in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, the one from his hair now slung around his shoulders. He’s effortlessly sexy and it’s totally unfair.

You pull your knees up to your chest, biting your lip warily. “Hoseok… about last night. What… what was that?”

He looks mildly confused, but still smiles and sits beside you, gently running his hand up and down your leg. “What do you mean?”

You look away from him. He’s too sweet, too bright for the grave clarity and turmoil seeping into your system with the arrival of the morning. “The sex. It felt… different.”

If anything, his grin grows wider. “Really? How so?” If you didn’t know better, you’d say he looks smug right now.

“I don’t know. It was like… you were filling up my whole body, not just my cunt. I felt it all over, inside and outside. It was… really good.” You mumble out the last few words, and you don’t need to look at him to know he’s practically beaming now. “Is there a word for that? What do you call that?”

Hoseok’s finger hooks under your chin, gently turning your head to face him. His eyes are warm and sparkling with humor, as if you just made a joke and didn’t realize it.

“I would call that making love,” he says softly, a hint of cheek in his tone.

Your mouth parts in shock as you recognize the truth of his analysis. “Making love?” You echo softly.

He nods with a chuckle and leans in to kiss you, his thumb stroking your cheek. “It’s like sex, but with feelings,” he explains, his eyes full of adoration as he looks at you. “Was it alright?”

It’s only as he asks you this that you realize why it felt so different.

He hadn’t given you a single command last night.

You’d had sex with him without being commanded to do it. It had just been a… mutual desire. You feel dizzy at the realization. That constitutes an explicit violation of your contract. If anyone finds out, you’ll be fired for sure.

You’re short of breath, panic taking over as the world seems to spiral around you. Hoseok’s eyes widen and he holds you steadily, pulling you into his strong arms.

“Whoa, whoa. It’s okay, w-what’s wrong?” He sounds concerned as he pets your hair, letting you rest your chin on his shoulder. “Was it… not alright?”

You shake your head, desperately trying to keep your tears at bay. The last thing you need is for him to see you cry. All your training, all your effort to get this job, your career, your livelihood, it’s all disappearing, leaving you with nothing but failure on the horizon.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He asks again, gently coaxing you to speak.

You inhale shakily. Hoseok is too good for this. He’d be an amazing boyfriend. He deserves an actual girl to hold who can love him the way he deserves. One who doesn’t have rules to follow and boundaries to keep. A girl who can fully give herself to him and make love with him whenever he wants. Whenever they both want. Because that’s a real relationship.

Not this. Not like what you have. You and Hoseok… you can never be like that.

Because you’re just his Physical Companion.

All of his kindness, his gentleness, it’s all wasted on you. You don’t deserve it.

“This can’t happen again.” It’s all you can manage to say.

He’s silent for a moment, rubbing your back while your breathing slowly returns to normal. “Okay,” he says softly. He doesn’t ask any questions, he doesn’t fly into a rage, he just accepts your decision, and that makes you feel even more torn. He really deserves better than this.

“But if you ever want it to happen again,” He pulls back enough to look you in the eyes, and wipes a single tear off your cheek before it can fall. “You know where to find me. Just say the word.”

He looks at you and gives you a small smile. His eyes hold more heartbreak and empathy than you thought possible, and he whispers your name just once before bestowing one last, sweet kiss to your lips.

“Come on,” he says gently, standing up and starting to get dressed. “I’ll walk you back to your room.”

-------

You feel strange as you enter your room once again, everything exactly the way you left it. Hoseok had given you a kiss on the cheek before heading downstairs to get breakfast, humming a tune to himself, like nothing at all had happened.

Maybe he was pretending for your sake, or maybe last night didn’t really mean that much to him. You shake that thought away as impossible. Not even the most skilled actors could fake the level of intimacy Hoseok showed you last night.

You sigh and head over to your bed, sitting down to process the events of the past twenty-four hours. You slept with a client outside of working hours. He made love to you. But you liked it. It felt amazing. But now you might lose your job. You feel guilty for not being able to make love to him, even though it’s a ridiculous notion in and of itself. But you broke your contract, so do the rules even matter any more?

You’re uncertain, you’re scared, but also strangely excited... liberated. You wish you had a friend or maybe even a therapist to talk to, just so you can sort all this out and get a game plan together.

Your ComGear buzzes again from your night table, and you realize it’s been going off for a while. Are they really messaging you this early?

You pick up the slim device and swipe the screen up, expecting to find many missed notifications. Instead what greets you is something utterly different.

An unfamiliar purple screen, with an empty text box in the center and a question above it.

Cardinal Rule?

Consent. The answer comes immediately, drilled into you by Madame from your training days, and you type it into the text box. A green check mark appears next to the box, and suddenly a new screen is there, successfully unlocked.

It’s a chatroom, with messages from lots of strange usernames, occasionally bumped upward by new messages. It’s active.

What the fuck?

You look a little closer and start reading the texts.

[ PCsv01_svt  ]: yeah, it’s not fair at all lol [ PCsv03_twc ]: i’m so jealous TT [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: can u send more?? ur both so cute!! [ PCsv02_svt  ]: sure! hang on ^^

A few photos appear in the next message from them. The same couple is pictured in each one, making various cute poses together, kissing each other... 

You recognize the girl.

“Sascha...?” You whisper, your heart stopping as you cover your mouth. The sight of your old friend has tears springing to your eyes. You thought you’d never see her again.

But why is she in these photos? Who is she with? Who the fuck are all these people? What the hell is going on?

[ PCsv01_svt  ]: guys hang on [ PCsv01_svt  ]: pc for bts is here [ PCsv02_svt  ]: wait for real?! [ PCsv02_svt  ]: finally!! [ PCsv02_svt  ]: GIRL HOW ARE YOU [ PCsv02_svt  ]: it’s me sascha!! ^^ [ PCsv09_$px ]: glad you made it.. [ PCsv04_blp  ]: hi there [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: eyyyyy how’s it goin?

You stare in confusion and fear at the messages. Could that actually be Sascha? How is this possible?

You slowly type out a message, your curiosity overpowering your fear, and hit send before you can stop yourself.

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: what the fuck is going on [ PCsv01_bts  ]: what is this place

A reply comes quickly.

[ PCsv01_svt  ]: this is the private network for physcoms [ PCsv01_svt  ]: it’s inaccessible to anyone but us [ PCsv02_svt  ]: don’t worry! it’s safe here ^^ [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: welcome to the dark web babes B) I’m blake

Your palms are sweating. Dark web? Private network?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: what do you mean? that’s impossible [ PCsv01_bts  ]: who set this up?? [ PCsv03_mtx ]: I know it sounds fake but this is legit [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: ur mom did lol [ PCsv02_svt  ]: Madame did! and other pc trainers~

You try to make sense of it. Another memory surfaces, one from your very first week at training. You had collapsed during basic stamina extensions trying to get the best score and outdo your classmates, and Madame had called you and your fellow trainees together for a talk...

“Girls. We are independant, yes. We are strong, yes.” Madame’s gaze sweeps across the worn out faces, her own expression steely, with an underlying kindness. Madame is strict, but only because she knows it’s what’s best for all of you.

“We must always rely on ourselves in this business,” she continues. “But also on each other.” 

“You are all in the same boat together. We PhysComs are the belittled backbone of society. Needed, but kept hidden. Brushed aside when it comes to our own needs. No one is on our side… except our fellow sex workers.” Her gaze drops to the floor for a moment, and the room is utterly silent while she collects her thoughts.

She turns her gaze to you, as if appraising your behavior. “I believe you all have the potential to be the best workers in the industry. But you won’t get there on your own.”

You swallow, but meet her gaze with determination.

She gives the slightest huff at your boldness, her gaze scanning the crowd again. “Stick together. Help each other succeed. You’ll find it’s much better that way.”

At the time, you thought she meant supporting each other during training. But… could this be what she was hinting at? A PhysCom support group?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: Madame did this? [ PCsv06_ast  ]: lots of people contributed~ [ PCsv02_svt  ]: yup! micha is here too!! ^^ [ PCsv03_mtx ]: that would be me :) how’ve you been?

Micha? Another trainee from your group. You didn’t talk to her as much, but you remember she was cool and friendly. How could this be happening? What does all of this mean?

A thought occurs to you and a flash of fear hits your stomach. What if this is a setup? A ploy by your network to scope out rulebreakers - of which you are now one.

Fuck. How can you be sure this is real?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: I… don’t trust this [ PCsv03_mtx ]: I didn’t at first either but it’s cool [ PCsv01_svt  ]: I understand your hesitation [ PCsv01_svt  ]: but this network is completely detached from your old one [ PCsv01_svt  ]: you’re off the grid [ PCsv02_svt  ]: connecting to the network also jailbreaks your gear!! you can use it like a phone now ^^

Wait, what? You tap back to your home screen. It looks like the boys’ phones. Instead of a handful of apps only approved by your network, you now have an app store, web browser, camera app, and standard phone and messaging apps instead of the restricted ones from before.

Holy shit.

You tap back into the chatroom, typing another message.

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: who are all of you? [ PCsv01_svt  ]: we’re PhysComs just like you [ PCsv01_svt  ]: I’m Antione [ PCsv06_ast  ]: hi~ nice to meet you! [ PCsv06_ast  ]: my name’s aashi hehe

This is all too much to take in. These are all other PhysComs?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: how did I get here? [ PCsv01_svt  ]: you were playing solitaire, right? [ PCsv01_svt  ]: used the find your friends option? [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: boom that’s how you got here babes B) [ PCsv01_bts  ]: that… doesn’t make any sense [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: doesn’t have to, ur here now lol [ PCsv02_svt  ]: think about it! what do you do when you need help? find your friends! ^^

So… a solitaire app is the gateway to the PhysCom dark web? You shake your head, trying to wrap your mind around the absurdity. You feel like you’re in a weird dream.

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: this is… bizarre [ PCsv01_bts  ]: sascha… who was in those pictures? [ PCsv02_svt  ]: oh! that’s Josh~ he’s my client <3 [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: and her boyyyfrieeend lolol [ PCsv02_svt  ]: yeah hehe ^///^ my adorable namchin~~

Um… what?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: wait wtf [ PCsv01_bts  ]: client?? boyfriend?? [ PCsv01_bts  ]: which is he? [ PCsv02_svt  ]: both… <3

Your eyes are glued to the screen, your heart racing. This isn’t possible. Sascha is… dating her client? She can’t be. That’s not allowed. She’ll be fired.

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: you can’t do that sach! you’ll lose your job... [ PCsv02_svt  ]: aww no I won’t honey~ it’s okay [ PCsv02_svt  ]: we’re all dating clients! ^^ [ PCsv06_ast  ]: well.. most of us haha [ PCsv09_$px ]: not all of us are that lucky... [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: some of us are dating multiple clients ;) [ PCsv01_svt  ]: happens all the time

What sort of alternate reality have you stumbled upon…?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: um how are you not all fired? [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: ummmm bc they want to date us too?? Lol [ PCsv01_svt  ]: since we’re all disconnected, the only real risk is if the client informs their company of the relationship [ PCsv02_svt  ]: but Joshie would never do that! he wants to be with me, even if it’s in secret <3 [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: she got him whipped lol [ PCsv02_svt  ]: yeah... I do ^^ hehe [ PCsv01_svt  ]: as long as feelings are reciprocated, being fired is almost impossible

This is either a trap, or they’re all crazy. They can’t just date their clients, it goes against every rule in the book. And yet...  you sense a glimmer of hope in spite of yourself. If they can do it, then why can’t you?

Your thoughts are interrupted by a sudden knock on your door and you nearly jump out of your skin. You shove your ComGear under your pillow and rush to go answer it, your heart beating out of your chest and cheeks flushed from your rebellious activities.

You try to tame your hair and take a deep breath before answering the door, your brain still whirring in an attempt to make sense of all that you just read.

Jimin and Taehyung stand outside, both looking embarrassed. Taehyung gives you a small smile.

“Morning, jagiya. Do you have a minute?”

[lastbluetardis]

Family of Six (6/14)

After James and Rose bring their newborn twins home, they work to find a balance between all four of their children, and each other. Ten x Rose AU, Soulmates AU.

This chapter: Teen, 6200 words

Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter: James: 39, Rose: 33, Ainsley: 9, Sianin: (almost) 6, Twins: 3 weeks

If you like reading my stories, consider leaving me a tip? Or leave a reply on this post to tell me what you thought? And as always, reblogs are very much appreciated so more people can see this.

Next update: September 10th 

AO3 | TSP | FF | Perfectly Matched Series

Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4 | Ch5 | Ch6 | Ch7 | Ch8 | Ch9 | Ch10 | Ch11 | Ch12 | Ch13 | Ch14

Later that night, after he had fallen into a fitful sleep, James stirred at a quiet voice calling his name and a small hand shaking his arm.

“Daddy?”

He grunted and opened his eyes, blinking against the darkness until Sianin’s face came into focus. His foggy brain immediately cleared. “Yes, darling?”

“Can I sleep with you and Mummy?” she whispered.

“The twins are in here,” he said.

“Oh.”

Her eyes glistened with tears and he cursed himself for his phrasing.

“I merely meant that you might hear them crying throughout the night. I know that sometimes bothers you. But you can still sleep here if you want. C’mere.” He patted the edge of the mattress. “Want to be sandwiched between me and Mummy?”

“Uh huh.” Sianin clambered onto the bed, then crawled over him until she was at the center of the mattress.

Her movements woke Rose, who turned towards them.

“Sianin?” she asked sleepily, squinting.

“Daddy said I could sleep in here.”

“‘Course you can. Is everything all right, sweetheart?”

James tucked the blankets under Sianin’s chin, then he slid his pillow closer to the middle of the bed for her. He brushed her silky hair away from her face, then continued to stroke it just because he could. After her disastrous bedtime a few hours earlier, he wasn’t going to question why his daughter wanted to be with him and Rose.

The room was silent for a few long seconds, and right when he was certain Sianin wasn’t going to answer her mother’s question, she asked, “Do you still love me like you used to?”

His hand froze mid-stroke. The question shattered his heart into a million pieces, the shrapnel shredding through his stomach and chest until his whole body ached with despair and devastation.

She can’t possible think… 

His head swam as he and Rose moved at the same time to pull their daughter into their arms, resulting in a tangle of limbs as they squished Sianin between them.

“Of course we still love you, darling,” he rasped, trying to resist the impulse to yank Sianin out of Rose’s arms so he could give her a proper hug. “We never stopped. Never.”

At the same time, Rose said, “We love you so, so much Sianin. So much.”

Sianin sniffled in the dark and turned into Rose’s chest, clinging to her mother. James tried not to be offended.

“Daddy and I love you so very incredibly much,” Rose murmured into Sianin’s hair. “I can’t begin to tell you how much we love you. The feeling is too great to be put into words. There is no five-year-old on the planet more loved than you are by us.”

“Why did you want new babies then?” she asked, her voice muffled by Rose’s chest. “Were Ainsley and me not good enough?”

“That’s not it at all, Sianin,” James said, wanting to pull her into his arms and squeeze her tightly. He thought that if he could only hold her close enough, she’d be able to feel the very beating of his heart and realize that it beat for her. “Just because Mummy and I had more babies doesn’t mean we were in any way dissatisfied with you or Ainsley. Far, far from it. We love you and Ainsley more than anything in the universe. Nobody could ever replace either of you in our lives.”

“But the babies…”

“They’re not a replacement. They’re an addition.”

Sianin continued sniffling into Rose’s shirt. James was helpless to do anything; Rose had folded Sianin so completely into herself that he couldn’t easily touch any part of his daughter. He settled for resting his hand on her arm and rubbing it with his thumb.

“I’m so sorry you thought you were being replaced,” he whispered. He wondered how long she’d thought that. Was it a more recent feeling? Since they’d brought the twins home? Or had it been ever since they’d announced Rose’s pregnancy? He prayed she hadn’t felt like this for the last seven months. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“I want things to be like they were before,” Sianin whimpered. James envied Rose and the way their daughter burrowed into her for comfort.

“I know,” Rose said, rocking her gently. “But we can’t go back to that. We need to try to move forward as best we can. It’s all right to be sad for what you lost; you knew one way of life and that’s gone now. And it’s absolutely okay to be sad about that.”

Sianin cried harder into Rose’s chest, and James wanted to snap to Rose that she wasn’t helping. But he stayed quiet; the last thing they needed was to start an argument in front of their distraught child. And maybe it was best if Sianin cried it out, long and hard, even if it killed him to watch.

When Sianin’s sobs dissipated, Rose said, “It’s okay to take as long as you need to be sad and to adjust to the new phase of our family. But try not to only see the negatives, yeah? That’s not a healthy way to look at the world. Hannah and Maddie are a permanent part of our family, and being upset or angry won’t change that.”

Sianin gulped down several lungfuls of air and sniffled thickly. “The babies aren’t what you said they’d be.”

James reached behind him for a handful of tissues, which he passed to Rose.

“How so?” Rose asked, wiping Sianin’s eyes and nose.

“Everyone said they’d be fun. That they’d be friends I could play with. But they’re not.”

“It will take a bit of time to play with them the way you want to,” Rose said.

“You should’ve said that.”

“You’re right. We’re sorry,” Rose said, kissing the top of Sianin’s head. “What should we have said instead? Hmm… that they’d come out looking like pink-faced dough blobs? And are about as squishy as a dough blob, too?”

Sianin giggled a bit. It was a thin, watery sound, but it was a giggle nonetheless.

“Or… they’d be loud little poo machines?” Rose mused.

Sianin giggled again. She was quiet for a moment, then she asked, “Does Ainsley still love me like before?”

“Of course she does,” Rose said.

“She spends lots of time with the babies now,” Sianin said sadly.

“I know. She likes helping with them and playing with them.”

“But they don’t play,” Sianin argued.

“They can be interacted with,” Rose said. “Now that Maddie is smiling, it’s more fun to be with her. Hannah will get there, too. Maybe you can join in with Ainsley when she plays with the twins?”

Sianin didn’t answer. Instead, she asked, “Can I stay in here all night?”

“For as long as you’d like,” Rose said, kissing her daughter’s forehead. She then caught James’s eye and murmured to Sianin, “Can you go give Daddy a good cuddle? I have to wee.”

Sianin rolled over and crashed into James’s chest. He didn’t know whether Rose actually needed the toilet or if she was just letting him have a turn at holding their daughter, but he appreciated it nevertheless. He had to stop himself from squeezing Sianin as hard as he wanted to, and instead clutched her to his chest and pivoted so he was on his back and her head was pillowed in the crook of his shoulder. She wrapped an arm around his middle and draped a leg over his thigh, hugging him tight.

“I love you,” he whispered into Sianin’s hair, kissing the top of her head. “I love you more than you’ll ever know, Sianin.”

“Love you, too,” she said, tangling her fists into his sleep shirt. “Will you tell me a story?”

“Absolutely,” he said. He bought himself a few seconds to think as he fussed with the sheets, tucking her in. When they were settled, he began to speak. “Once upon a time, there was a beautiful little princess named Shannon…”

“That’s almost like my name.”

“Shush, it’s Shannon, not Sianin.”

Sianin laughed and nestled further into his arms. He couldn’t resist kissing the top of her head again.

“Anyways, once upon a time, there was a beautiful little princess named Shannon who was beloved by her entire kingdom, but by none more than her parents. Princess Shannon loved doing everything by herself, because she was a big girl princess. And she loved helping to clean the castle—she helped the maids with the washing up, she helped the butler prepare meals, she helped the stable boys take care of the horses.”

“Sounds like a lot of work being a princess,” Sianin mumbled, burrowing her face into his chest.

“She enjoyed the chores.”

“No one enjoys chores, Daddy,” Sianin rebutted.

“Princess Shannon did,” James argued. “D’you want to hear the rest of the story or not?”

“I guess,” she said through a yawn.

“Princess Shannon was such a big helper around the castle, but her parents didn’t realize all she did because they were so used to the chores simply being done. Well, Princess Shannon felt very sad about this because her parents didn’t seem to recognize anything she did. So she decided she was never going to leave her room ever again.

“However, when she did that, the castle started falling apart. And not just ‘cos she wasn’t helping with the cleaning. But because the magic of the castle was…”

“The castle’s magic?”

“Yep. The magic of the castle was tied to the magic within Princess Shannon. And because Princess Shannon felt sad and lonely, the castle reflected that. It turned dark and rainy; all the trees lost their leaves as though it were wintertime instead of the height of summer. The windows weren’t sparkly anymore, and the golden halls and gem-encrusted thrones were dull, tarnished, and cracked.

“The king and queen thought a powerful curse had been set over the castle, and they were so worried about their Princess Shannon. When they got to Princess Shannon’s room, they saw that the door had turned to solid iron and nobody could get in.

“Princess Shannon didn’t even realize what was happening to the castle since she’d been in her room the whole time. Her magic and the castle’s magic managed to slow the passage of time. Time was moving slower inside her bedroom than it was in the rest of the castle. So while only a few hours passed for Princess Shannon, a few days had passed for her mummy and daddy.

“She couldn’t hear her mummy and daddy calling for her, nor could she hear any of the locksmiths’ attempts to break down the door. After a while, Princess Shannon decided she didn’t want to be alone in her room anymore. So she stood up, pushed open the door, and saw her mummy and her daddy in the corridor. They’d been beside themselves with worry and were so happy to see her and so relieved that she was safe. Queen Mummy plucked Princess Shannon up into her arms, then King Daddy plucked up his queen and his princess into his arms.”

“King Daddy must be very strong,” Sianin commented.

“The strongest,” James agreed. “The king and queen apologized to their princess, and promised never to take her for granted ever again. They joined the princess as she helped around the castle because they realized the castle looked its best when everyone helps out. And they liked spending all that extra time with their beautiful little princess, too.”

“What kind of magic powers did Princess Shannon have?” Sianin asked, her voice thick with impending sleep.

“That’ll be tomorrow’s bedtime story,” James replied, already apologizing to his future self. “Get some sleep now, darling.”

Sianin splayed out all of her limbs and somehow managed to take up nearly every inch of their king-sized bed.

Rose had returned from the loo a while ago but was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner, nursing the twins.

“A princess who enjoys doing chores, eh?” Rose teased when she was certain Sianin was asleep.

“Figured it was worth a try,” he said, sticking his tongue out at her. “Are you okay over there? Need a hand?”

“Nah, you’ve got your hands full. I thought I’d feed them before they woke up. Maybe we’ll get a few uninterrupted hours,” Rose answered. 

James hummed, then turned back to Sianin. She looked peaceful; all traces of her prior anguish were gone. He brushed his fingers through her hair as he watched her sleep. His heart ached with love for his child, and with sorrow that she’d doubted how loved she was.

“You okay?” Rose asked quietly.

“Not really,” he admitted.

“Me either,” she said.

She stood with the twins and put them in their bassinets before slipping into bed, carefully scooting Sianin to the middle of the mattress.

“She’ll be okay,” Rose said, but it sounded as though she were convincing herself rather than stating a fact.

“Yeah, she will be,” James said, kissing Sianin’s soft hair.

The night went as well as could be expected. The twins woke up every couple of hours, wanting to be changed or fed. Sianin woke to their crying each time, burying her face into James’s chest and whining that they were being loud.

“They’ll quiet down soon,” James soothed. “Close your eyes and sleep, darling.”

Since he was busy trying to get Sianin back to sleep, Rose was left to attend to the twins by herself. James felt guilty every time Rose slipped out of bed; he’d find some way to make it up to her.

Sianin’s mood returned to normal the next morning; she went about her day as though nothing in the world was wrong. It might have helped that it was her actual birthday, too. 

As per usual, the family went out for dinner at a restaurant of Sianin’s choosing. Of course she picked a fast-food chain, but she was ecstatic about it, and that was all James and Rose cared about.

The only sign she wasn’t quite okay was her new habit of sleeping with them. They would put her to sleep in her own bed, but inevitably, she would always venture into their room in the middle of the night. She also began struggling with wetting the bed—that was often the impetus for her wandering into their room.

Sianin was mortified and upset by her nighttime accidents, even though James and Rose assured her many times over that it was okay and they weren’t angry or upset with her. But they’d taken to putting a protective plastic covering on Sianin’s bed to help keep the mess from saturating into her mattress. Thankfully, she’d never wet their bed when she slept with them.

Because of their new bedmate, the amount of restful sleep James and Rose obtained decreased exponentially; not only because they would get up to take care of Sianin’s bedding, if needed, but also because they were hyper-aware of the small body beside them, and were concerned whether their child was comfortable. Not to mention Sianin tended to sleep at odd angles which pushed them to the far edges of the mattress. 

The additional loss of sleep was a sore hit when they were already losing sleep due to nighttime newborn care, but it never crossed their minds to refuse Sianin entry into bed with them.

“Do you think something’s really wrong?” James asked the weekend after Sianin’s birthday as he once more put Sianin’s soiled bedsheets into the washer.

“I don’t know,” Rose sighed. “I’ve been reading these parenting blogs and everyone says it’s normal for kids to regress a little bit after the birth of a new baby.”

“It breaks my heart.”

“Mine too. I don’t know if we can do anything though. If we kick her out of our room, we might make her worse.” Rose shook her head. “Maybe our girls’ day out will be good for her.”

“I’m sure it will. It’ll be good for you, if nothing else. You haven’t had much time to spend out with just Ainsley and Sianin.”

“Neither have you,” Rose countered. “You’ll have to schedule a daddy-daughter day with them soon.”

Rose and their eldest children had haircut appointments later in the morning, then manicures in the early afternoon.

That left James to spend a bit of quality time with the twins. He spent the morning tidying the house while the babies slept, and when they woke up, he got them fed and changed before bundling them up for their very first trip to the supermarket.

“Daddy is gonna show you two all the ins and outs of grocery shopping,” James said as he hefted the dual-baby carrier into a trolley. He fussed with it for a moment to make sure it was secure.

“The key is to have a list,” he continued, pulling a small piece of paper from his pocket and wiggling it in front of his sleeping babies’ faces. “Because if you don’t, you’ll end up buying things you don’t need and forgetting everything you do need. You also should never go when you’re hungry; you’ll buy out the entire store and your bank account will be quite sad. Vice versa, you shouldn’t go when you’ve just eaten a huge meal and are stuffed; you’ll not want to buy anything and you’ll have an empty fridge in two days’ time.”

James checked his list, then began heading through the aisles with a purpose.

“It’s also a good idea to get the not-cold foodstuffs first,” he explained, picking up a box of oatmeal and cereal. “You don’t want the ice cream to melt whilst you’re doing the rest of your shopping.”

He continued to talk mindlessly at his babies throughout the shopping trip. He was interrupted several times by other people cooing down at the twins. He was always glad to show off his beautiful children, but he didn’t want to prolong their trip and risk one of them waking up cranky.

He was finally getting to the cold section when Hannah woke up.

“Hello, my sweet girl,” he said down to her. She was blinking groggily up at him as though she had no idea where she was or who she was with. He recognized that look and began unfastening her restraints a second before her face crumpled and she let out a distressed wail. Maddie stayed blessedly asleep.

“You’re okay.” He brought the baby to his chest and brushed kisses to her scalp. “You’re okay, my Hannah-banana. Ooh, bananas. Gotta get some of those now that your mummy isn’t getting sick from the smell of them. We’re at the supermarket. It’s where we buy food, because the rest of the Earthly population doesn’t have Mummy’s breasts to feed them. Er. That came out weird. But you have no idea what I’m even saying, do you?”

Hannah continued crying into his chest. He unbuttoned the bottom of her onesie, but her nappy was still dry and a quick sniff test told him she hadn’t pooed. She shouldn’t be hungry, as he had fed her right before they left the house. But she was utterly inconsolable; her little face was red and actual tears were leaking down her cheeks. The sight of them twisted something deep in his heart.

“Oh, darling.” He rocked his torso in an attempt to soothe her. “It’s okay. It’s okay. We’re almost done here. I’ll bet you’re a tad overwhelmed, eh? You went to sleep safe and sound in Mummy’s arms, and now you’re in a whole new scary place. But Daddy’s right here. Daddy’s got you. We’re in the supermarket getting a bit of food for our Mother’s Day cookout tomorrow. Daddy’s got everything on his list except the eggs and the milk. Bear with Daddy for five more minutes and we’ll go home, my darling girl.”

James fumbled to keep his grip on his furious baby while he pushed the trolley towards the refrigerated section. He grabbed a jug of milk at random, pausing long enough to check that it hadn’t passed its expiration date. Then he went to the eggs, picking up the first carton his fingers touched without checking if any were cracked. At this point, a couple of cracked eggs would be worth getting out of the supermarket as quickly as possible.

He made his way to the self-checkout and blessedly found one that was open.

“Almost done,” he whispered, nuzzling his baby’s wispy hair. “Daddy is trying his very, very best. I know you’re not happy, Han. I know. It’s so hard being you, isn’t it? The world is so big and scary, and you’re stuck with your old dad instead of Mummy. We’ll get home soon, my love. Can’t you please calm down, eh? Please?”

His ears were beginning to hurt from having a screaming baby right next to them.

“She might be wet.”

James continued scanning his groceries until a hand touched his arm. He glanced over and saw an upper-middle-aged woman smiling sympathetically at him.

“I said, she might be wet,” the woman repeated, nodding to Hannah. “You should check her nappy. They need changing every few hours.”

James blinked.

“I know,” he said slowly, frowning at the woman. “I’ve already checked that, but thanks.”

James loaded his bagged items into his trolley, and the woman followed.

“You’re not holding her right,” the woman said. “You should try cradling her up against your chest with her legs and arms tucked up into her body. Babies that young usually like that position. Here, let me show you. I know it can be hard for some dads to get the hang of it. My husband was a bit useless, honestly.”

The woman laughed like there was some joke that James wasn’t privy to, then she extended her hands towards the baby.

“Excuse me, don’t touch my daughter,” James growled, pivoting so that his body was between this stranger and Hannah. His sharp movement made Hannah let out a shriek, and by now, he wanted to join her.

“I’m only trying to help,” the woman said, looking startled.

“I’m sure you meant well and all,” James snapped, “but she is my daughter. I can handle my own child, thanks very much. Just because your husband was bloody rubbish when it came to child care doesn’t mean all men are. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get her home.”

James turned his back to the wide-eyed woman and ignored her spluttered apologies and indignations. He paid for the groceries as quickly as he could, suddenly all too aware of the eyes on him. It seemed that everyone in the store was looking at him either with pity or annoyance.

“It’s not like I’m asking her to scream her little head off,” James grumbled under his breath, pushing the trolley out to his car. His hands shook as he settled Hannah and Maddie into their car seats. Maddie was now awake and looking as though she was contemplating crying as well. “Oh, please, Maddie, shush. You’re fine, darling. Your sister is having a bad day, but you’re okay. Right? Yes? My sweet, quiet girl?”

“It’s rubbish gettin’ stuck babysittin’ one, and ‘ere you’ve got two? Rotten luck, mate.”

James turned and saw a man helping a toddler out of a car.

“Good luck with ‘em,” the man said, giving him a salute.

“It’s not babysitting when they’re your own kids,” James hissed even though the man had walked away and couldn’t hear him. “Bloody fucking hell.” He cringed. “Oops, I’m sorry, girls. Daddy shouldn’t use that language. Though you’re only a month old and have no idea what I’m saying. But still. It’s bad practice. That man and the lady in the shop really got under my skin, you see. Daddy’s really frustrated right now.”

James sucked in a deep breath and held it for a minute, listening to his crying child and feeling as though he could start sobbing any minute now too. He shut the car door, muffling the sounds of Hannah’s distress as he loaded the groceries into the boot.

The drive home was torture. Both babies were wailing at the tops of their lungs, giving James a splitting headache.

“’Course you choose now to realize you can scream too,” James snapped bitterly to Maddie, glaring at her through the rear mirror. As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt terrible. He shouldn’t get angry with his children.

His cheeks flamed with shame, and he mumbled, “Sorry, Maddie. I’m sorry. That was wrong of me to say. I’m so sorry you’re in distress too.”

Nothing seemed to soothe his babies, no matter what he said or how gently he spoke. He made a great effort to keep his voice calm and low, yet still they wailed.

Eventually, about two minutes from home, Maddie quieted down again, but Hannah was still going strong. He kept her in her car seat as he ferried the groceries into the house. He unloaded all of the cold items into the fridge and freezer, but left the room-temperature things for later.

He then came out and fetched Maddie from her car seat. She gave him a bright smile as he unfastened all of her straps, and he couldn’t help but smile back, despite Hannah screaming in the next seat.

“I love you loads, Maddie,” he murmured to her as he took her into his arms.

He settled her into the cot in the living room, then went out for his other baby. He tried not to feel like a horrible father at the dread that unfurled through him at the idea of bringing Hannah into the quiet house.

“You can’t leave your baby in the car,” he muttered to himself. “You can’t leave your baby in the car. You can’t leave your baby in the car. You can’t leave your baby in the car…”

He continued the pep talk as he opened the car door and pulled Hannah out of her seat. He tried to support her head and neck even though all she evidently wanted to do was wriggle madly from side to side.

“Hannah, please,” he begged, his frustration nearly choking him. “Please, sweetheart, I don’t know what’s wrong. Daddy has no idea what you want. Are you hungry? You shouldn’t be, but let’s try some milk, eh?”

He hurriedly warmed up a bottle, then spent the next fifteen minutes coaxing Hannah into trying to nurse. She suckled on and off, but only got through a third of the bottle before refusing to take any more.

“What’s wrong, Han?” he whispered, walking all around the house with his wailing baby. “What’s the matter? You’re not hungry. Your nappy is clean. Are you ill? Are you not feeling well? Is maybe your little tummy hurting? ‘Cos I’ve got to admit, I’m at a loss. I don’t know what else to do for you, sweetheart. I’m trying so hard.”

James continued walking and talking, wishing that Rose was there with him and resenting that she wasn’t. As soon as he thought that, he was consumed with crippling guilt and remorse. Rose deserved to have a day out with their other two children, and Ainsley and Sianin deserved a day alone with their mum. There was no reason he shouldn’t be able to handle his own babies.

“I don’t know what to do,” he said again through the lump in his throat, making yet another circuit through the house.

It took nearly an hour before Hannah cried herself out. At that point, James himself was in the middle of a crying episode. He had set Hannah on a blanket he’d laid out on the living room floor as he succumbed to his anger and frustration. Unable to deal with his crying child for a moment longer, he shut himself into his and Rose’s bedroom—the door barely muffled Hannah’s shrieks—just as his own tears started. He collapsed onto his bed and smothered his cries and curses into his pillow as he pleaded with the universe for his baby to go to sleep.

He wasn’t sure how long it had been before he realized the house was silent. His ears rang in the silence, and he was so, so tempted to stay in his bedroom and fall asleep. But he dragged himself up and into the living room to make sure Hannah hadn’t somehow suffocated herself and that was the reason she was being quiet. But no, she was still alive and breathing, fast asleep with tears and snot streaked across her face. He didn’t dare wipe it away for fear that it would wake her again. Instead, he held his breath and draped a blanket over his child. She stayed asleep.

Maddie was contentedly sleeping in her own bassinet, looking positively angelic in comparison to the hell Hannah had put him through over the last hour and a half. 

James swiped at his own runny nose and swollen eyes as he collapsed in an exhausted heap on the couch, overstimulated and overwhelmed, with a pounding headache pulsing behind his eyes.

He must have fallen asleep, because the next he knew, the front door was being wrenched open and the pattering of tiny feet entered the house.

“Hi Daddy!”

Sianin and Ainsley made a beeline for him, and he shook off the vestiges of sleep to admire their new haircuts—they’d each gotten about an inch lopped off—and their perfectly painted nails.

“You are the most beautiful girls in the entire universe!” he proclaimed, giving them each a smacking kiss on the cheek. “You’re making me feel like an ugly old toad.”

“You’re the handsomest Daddy in the whole wide universe,” Sianin said with a definitive nod.

That declaration erased a fraction of his former bad mood. He leaned forward and scooped her into his arms, hugging her tight.

“Thanks, Sian,” he said, giving her another kiss before releasing her.

“Took a kip instead of putting away the groceries?”

James looked over at Rose. Her tone was teasing, but it sparked his irritation nevertheless.

“Got a bit worn out when Hannah went on a marathon cry,” he said thinly.

Rose’s brows furrowed.

“She didn’t like her first trip to the supermarket,” he said, rubbing his fingers into his tired eyes.

“Uh oh.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’m a bit knackered.”

Rose stepped up behind him and rubbed her fingers through his hair. Goosebumps broke out across his scalp, making him moan and melt back against the couch.

“Can you do this for the next century?” he mumbled, letting his eyes slip shut.

“I’ll do this ‘til a child interrupts us,” Rose said instead.

“Good enough.” He hummed as she continued her massage. She knew the places to apply pressure, and he could have wept with the relief her fingers brought. Within ten minutes, she’d unknotted most of his tense muscles and had put a dent in his headache.

“I love you,” she whispered in his ear before she kissed his temple.

“Mmm.”

“Sorry Hannah was bad for you. How was Mads?”

“Perfect,” he replied. “Got a bit worked up on the car ride home, but soothed herself to sleep again. Hannah, on the other hand, decided to cry into my ear for at least an hour after we got home.”

Rose made a sound of sympathy as she began her massage anew.

“Did you have a nice day?” he asked.

“Yeah, I did. Though I feel a bit guilty about that now.”

He reached up and fumbled for her hand. He tilted his head back and forced open his eyes. “Don’t. I’m glad you had a good day.”

She pecked a quick kiss to his forehead.

“Are you hungry?” Rose asked.

“What time is it?” he asked.

“Just after four.”

He jolted upright. “Four?! Shit. The twins haven’t eaten since this morning. Shit!”

“I’ll get them,” she said, patting his shoulder. “Relax. It’s okay.”

“I’ve bloody starved them,” he grumbled.

“They would’ve let you know if you did that,” Rose said gently.

She pressed another kiss to his forehead, then came around to gather the twins.

“Get Maddie to latch first,” he said anxiously. “I gave Hannah a little bit from a bottle during her meltdown, but Mads hasn’t had anything all day.”

Rose nodded in acknowledgement and dutifully picked Maddie up out of her cot. She was awake and flashed a grin at her mother upon being picked up.

“Hello my sweetie,” Rose cooed. Maddie nuzzled into Rose’s chest, rooting for her mother’s breast. “I know you’re hungry. You were so good for Daddy today, weren’t you?”

James forced his aching limbs to move off the couch and gather up Hannah. She stayed dead asleep.

Rose sat on the sofa and got Maddie latched, then she accepted Hannah. It took a few tries before Hannah woke up enough to nurse lazily.

“God, that’s better,” Rose groaned. “My boobs were so full.”

James didn’t answer. He just sat down beside her and carefully draped his arm around Rose’s shoulders and rested his head against the top of hers.

“Your hair looks nice,” he commented when he smelled the salon shampoo.

“You didn’t notice a difference, did you?” she asked wryly.

“I did!” he protested. “It’s… shorter.”

“That’s usually the result of a hair cut. Otherwise it’s some sort of witchcraft.” She let him squirm for a second before saying, “I just got a trim. I’ve been thinking of letting it grow out a little? I dunno. Though I do need to get my roots touched up next time.”

James pulled back a fraction and saw that her roots were indeed beginning to darken.

“Why do you dye your hair?” he asked.

Rose shrugged. “Been doin’ it for so long I guess I see myself as a blonde, even if it does come out of a bottle. It’s not nearly as trashy as it was when I was a teen.”

“It wasn’t trashy,” he argued.

“I bought the cheapest bleaching product,” Rose said with a chuckle. “It’s okay. I know it was trashy.”

“I thought you were beautiful, no matter what,” he said, kissing her temple.

“You’re sweet.”

“S’why you married me.”

“Yep, that’s the only reason,” she said, rolling her eyes.

He snorted and tucked his cheek into her hair.

“Did you get your nails done?” he asked.

“Mhm.” She managed to rotate her hand from where it was propping Maddie. Her nails were a lovely shade of pastel green with little white flowers painted in the center.

“Very springy,” he said.

“‘Tis the season and all. I was gonna get our toes done, but I didn’t think the girls would sit well for that. Their feet are a bit too ticklish.”

“Good idea,” James said. He reached out and stroked his fingertips across the planes of Hannah’s face. She was half-asleep as she nursed from Rose’s breast; the constant start-stop rhythm of her feeding created quite a mess of milk around her chin and neck. “She looks like a precious little angel. You never would’ve thought she spent the afternoon deafening the entire country.”

“Sorry she was so bad for you.”

James shook off her apology. “It wouldn’t have been as bad had not this older woman made me feel like an incompetent father.”

Rose frowned. “What happened?”

“Just someone trying to help but not actually helping,” he sighed. “Hannah started her fit in the middle of the supermarket, so I tried to hold her to calm her down. Evidently I looked like I was struggling, ‘cos this lady approached me and tried giving me all this advice, including how I was holding her wrong.”

Rose gasped. “No she didn’t!”

“Indeed she did.”

“What a cun… What an arsehole!”

“I was already feeling a bit self-conscious, and that didn’t help,” James admitted. “I honestly had a bit of a cry earlier. I was overwhelmed.”

“Oh, James.” Rose leaned against him, pressing her cheek into his shoulder in a pseudo-hug. “Don’t mind anyone else. You are the best father a kid could ask for. You definitely do not hold our children wrong, and you are more than capable of handling yourself with our kids. I wouldn’t hesitate to leave you alone with all four of them.”

“Well, let’s not be hasty,” James said. 

“Of course, I wouldn’t want to leave you at the mercy of four kids,” Rose amended. “But you know what I mean.”

“I do. And thanks, love.”

“Anytime.”

James looked around the living room, finally aware of how quiet the house was. “We seem to be missing two kids.”

“I think they’re coloring in Ainsley’s room,” Rose said. “Making Mother’s Day cards. Only it’s a surprise, so we’ve got to pretend I don’t know anything.”

“Ahh, ‘course,” he said, nodding. “It’s not like it’s an annual holiday.”

“Nope. I’m in for the surprise of my life tomorrow,” she dead-panned.

James chuckled and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

If you’ve made it to the end, consider leaving a comment or reblogging? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

[ick25]

Rockman.EXE Episode 32 Review.

No, not that one, this one.

 Gray and boring Internet city from the early 2000′s.

The episode opens with Meiru-chan arriving at Netto’s house, she runs up to his room and turns on his computer while Netto is just waking up. She is excited to show him the new Net City aka Internet city, where she then proceeds to plug-in Rockman before the title card appears.

“You call my mom an old lady, come into my house, enter my room, log into my computer, and wake me up just to send my Navi to the very thing that made this game based anime even exist?”

Okay, to be fair, Internet city represents a solid place in cyberspace where Navis can walk freely and interact with eachother, all the times we’ve seen Navis travel through the net it is a tunnel created by electrical waves, which is basically what the internet is (and the Wave world, but thats another story).

After the title card, we see Roll taking Rockman somewhere that has strange cube like programs that gather around him, pressumely security programs since Roll is able access something leaving him behind. As Rockman starts to be scanned, Meiru tells Netto how to create an account to enter Internet city, you know, so he can get spam mail and stuff.

Roll takes Rockman by the hand and they run together to the gates that lead to Internet city, which was cutted from the dub for some reason.

Netto and Rockman are amazed to see the huge city, Roll-chan takes Rockman’s arm and shows him around like they were on a date. As they walk, Rockman recognizes Aki-chan on one of the floating screens.

American viewer: Hey, who is that? Why does Megaman know her?

Dub: She is obviously a famous pop singer in their world, Megaman knows her because she is famous, not because they met in some episode we never aired or anything.

American viewer: O_O ...Ok.

 Rockman and Roll are then greeted by Glyde who asks them if they are shopping together.

Yes, Rockman, shopping. Have you heard about something called Amazon?

Roll continues to show Rockman around internet city, making me wonder why is there a bank out in the street, but if that wasn’t weird enough they also pass by a Navi fitness shop where a program is saying that Gutsman is fat.

Navis can get fat? How? Wouldn’t it make more sense if they were saying that he was heavy because he had too many programs installed or something? That would at least explain why Gutsman is too slow compared to Rockman and maybe why he doesn’t have enough memory to articulate words. XP

We cut to Yaito in her very own tennis court where Glyde tells her that he is done with his errands, and mentions Roll showing Rockman around internet city.

Because she is not in the mood to use the gold bathtub, I’m serious, that is what she says.

One of Yaito’s butlers tells her that her order of strawberry milk shake is delayed and that he is going over with some maids to get it, meaning Yaito is gonna stay home alone for a while, I’m sure that is not gonna be a problem later on.

Yaito leaves to her bath humming Aki-chan’s song who we see in the next scene singing live at internet city for its grand opening. After hearing the long version of Aki-chan’s cheezy song, Roll gets pissed after noticing that Rockman is making a lovey dovey face while listening to Aki’s song and decides to take him away. Aki seems to recognize Rockman leaving by waving her noodle arms at him, something that didn’t made sense in the dub since the episode where they met Aki was skipped.

American viewer: “It looks like Aki knows Rockman”

Dub: “She would wave to any fan she sees leaving”

American viewer: ...I guess.

They are surprised to find Higureya in Internet city and decide to enter where they are greeted by both Numberman and Higure.

Netto, it’s the internet, anyone can put up a buisness site for free, which would eventually lead to many internet frauds.

Higure tells Netto about an exhibition match that he is gonna take part in to show everyone the Net coloseum and explain how Net battles have changed since the N-1 grand prix, I’m guessing this is a reference to BN2 that changed the battle mechanics from the first game.

Speaking of BN2, we hear a strange conversation going on with the exact same lines from the beginning of the game before heading over to the Net colloseum.

With Roll and Rockman joining the audience, Midorikawa appears to explain that the Net colosseum has different battle arenas, sadly, not once in any of the seasons of the anime do we get to see a different scenerio in the colosseum.

We are also introduced to Midorikawa’s Navi Toadman, who will battle Numberman for the exhibition match. During the battle we see Toadman’s musical note attack, and also, he moves so fast that I just now noticed that he is surfing on a lilypad.

Higure sends a Fire Tower and a cannon, Numberman summons the fire tower, but the cannon appears on the battlefield where Higure can control the fire, for Netto’s surprise.

Though, this seems to be the only change in Net battles because after this the rest of the battle goes on normaly, until Midorikawa attacks Numberman with three mini Bombs and Higure tries to send the Dream Aura only to realized that it is a rare chip, and poor Numberman is blown away.

Midorikawa and Toadman are the victors, and before logging out, she reminds everyone about the colosseum being the only place in internet city where Navis can use Battle chips.

Because it’s not like somebody can sneak a virus into the city or anything.

After commercials, Rockman and Roll-chan are enjoying the view of the city, until Rockman notices a strange Navi on top of a building.

The Navi is dressed in a cloak and seems to be scanning some data before jumping off the roof and dissapearing as he falls, leaving Rockman confused.

Shortly after this, Rockman receives a call from Glyde telling them that Yaito is in trouble. It looks like somebody infiltrated her mansion’s security program and started to leak poison gas during her bath.

I guess she should’ve went with the gold bathtub?

Netto and Meiru rush over to Yaito’s mansion with Rockman and Roll going on ahead through the network. The Navis arrive at the entrance of the system, that for some reason has gas in it, and they find Glyde on the ground who tells them that they must fix the water heater program. Rockman tells Roll to stay with Glyde as he enters the gate that takes him to a factory like place where gas starts to blow up from the floor.

The program is unstable for Rockman accidentally causes a path to fall apart. Needing to get to the other side to fix the water heater program, Netto developes an idea after seeing a screw nut conveniently fall into a pressurised air vent that blows it to the other side.

Netto tells Rockman to close the valve, then jump above it as he fires his Rock buster to open it up again, he then uses the air pressure to fly accross.

After Rockman successfully reaches the other side, he finds the water heater program where he is ambushed by three tornados. The attacker is a Navi named Airman who won’t allow Rockman to fix the program. Airman continues to attak Rockman with a series of wind attacks, but Netto, who finally arrives at Yaito’s mansion, protects him with a barrier.

“What? First you tell me I’m late, and now you complaine about me leaving you with a sword to defend yourself? It’s not like an actual human life is more important than you right now.”

Yaito’s butler comes back with her strawberry milk only to find Netto and Meiru trying to open the door to Yaito’s bath. After seeing that Airman’s intrusion doesn’t allow the butler to open the bathroom doors, Netto decides to use his classic bandalism skills to throw a probably expensive vase at Yaito’s glass door, (causing Meiru to lose her socks in that shot). Gas starts to pour out and Netto uses a folding fan to blow it away for Meiru to run inside and carry Yaito out.

With Yaito finally safe, Netto can focus on Rockman’s battle. Rockman asks Airman why he is doing this, and Airman’s netop, who’s name is Arashi, tells him that it is because she is the only daughter of the head of Gabgom.

Netto naturally gets pissed over this reason and begins to battle with everything he’s got. When sending a cannon battle chip, the cannon appears on the field making Netto remember the exhibition match from earlier and starts to fire at Airman.

Arashi sends in a triple tornado attack making Airman create a giant twister, this causes Netto’s PET to automatically activate the Style Change and Rockman uses the Heat Guts Style to destroy the twister.

But I think he might have deleted Airman in the process, always use the Heat Guts with caution, kids.

Yaito finally wakes up.

That is actually what she says in the game, and it’s just as uncomfortable.

Arashi tries to flee from where he is, but he is surrounded by the Net Agents. So I guess the whole conversation in episode 12 about “criminals only being arrested over the net” is thrown out the window here.

 After the police takes Arashi away, Commander Beef receives a call from the public phone where a mysterious voice tells him that Arashi was working for an organization named Grave aka Gospel, and that things are gonna get worse from there.

And the episode ends with giant dark clouds appearing over Internet city where it starts to rain.

Well, time to sing.

My thoughts?

I know, for a place called internet city, it isn’t what we would imagine the internet to look like, it focused more on the economic part of the web because all we see are businesses, shops and banking systems. Internet city is like the “kid friendly” and “safe” version of the internet where Net Battles are the only source of entertainment.

As always the dub changed lines and edited scenes, like the Navi fitness center where Gutsman finds out that he is fat, its changed to him losing in some game, like a cyber casino or something? I guess the idea of Navis getting fat would be a little confusing.

 The poison gas in Yaitos mansion was compleatly recolored to look like steam, instead of attempting to kill Yaito with toxic gas, Arashi had her trapped in a super sauna.

The idea of Internet city is a reference to the cyber squares introduced in Battle Network 2 that are virus free areas where Navis can hang out, buy stuff and enter chat rooms.

This is the first mention of the net mafia Gospel. In the game, Arashii was never arrested, after he lost to Rockman he recieves a call from the Gospel leader saying that they have no need for him anymore, Arashii soon finds out that they planted a bomb in his briefcase that explodes and destroys part of the metro station. We have to keep the anime kid friendly, though they stopped doing that once Axess aired.

[ladyloveandjustice]

So now that I’m back and my FMA liveblog’s outta the way, I can publish these posts about the Go Princess Precure finale I’ve had in drafts for like a week.

The finale really kicks off with Haruka being taken to a dream world where she has everything she wants and is a princess. But the problem is, she isn’t expected to DO anything and is treated like someone who just needs to smile and look pretty and be spoiled, and that’s not what her concept of a princess is.

It’s interesting how GPP handles the concept of princess. The fact is that in the real world, a princess IS something you’re either born or married into. You don’t have to work to become one (other than the work it takes to get married if it’s that route), though odds are you’ll be expected to work if you are one, with lots of politics and diplomacy and image-presenting to navigate. But Haruka isn’t of royal blood and she isn’t actively aiming to marry a prince- instead she wants the positive qualities she and others associate with being a “true princess”, which is refrained as being strong kind and beautiful. So she works hard at ettiquette, her studies, athletics, mundane tasks, etc like she’s in a Long Live the Queen game. (imagine this crossover. imagine). Though I do note politics aren’t really included.

Historical princesses may have had to work hard (though lets be real, some also probably didn’t, at least compared to lower class women) but the idea princesses should be “strong” is really a relatively recent cultural idea probably mainly due to Disney’s new marketing strategy For a long time princess was-and still is often is- synonymous with a delicate flower who must be protected or someone who lives in the lap of luxury and gets waited on. GPP does actually brush on the fact there are definitions of princess that oppose their ideal version. Towa is an “of royal blood” princess, who as a villain insists you need to be born into princesshood (obviously she is Wrong in the context of the show) and even when she’s debrainwashed, she initially expects to be waited on and Kirara tells her she has to learn how to do things for herself. It’s only after learning to look after herself and fight for others Towa reaches her goal of being a “true grand princess”.

Then the conflicting ideas of princesshood come to play again in Haruka’s dream, where she’s treated as someone delicate who needs to be waited on and doesn’t like it, and rejects this concept of princesshood and states that her goal is the opposite. She wants to be someone who is active and works hard. She doesn’t want a simple “happily ever after” where the only goal is to have a prince by her side. She wants to keep developing her skills. She doesn’t want her dream to be handed to her- she wants the satisfaction of accomplishing things herself. As she says:

So in a way, GPP is attempting to redefine the idea of “princess” into something more positive for girls, while rejecting the definitions that rely on bloodline or luxury. It’s partially successful, and there’s some good storytelling involved. I like this sequence a lot!

But...party pooper alert...i don’t think it’s ENTIRELY successful in its reclamation. Sure, Towa learns to do things for herself and will work hard as a princess, but she still obviously lives in luxury normally while the rest of her kingdom is noticeably not dressed as finely. She still has a maid and butler, even if they don’t help her for everything, she still has to do less than the common people when it comes to housework or whatever. She still has obvious privileges others do not, and the resentment this would cause or the economic system of her kingdom is never addressed. EVERYONE SUPER LOVES THE MONARCHY. 

And with the princess lessons, there’s a focus on being appropriately feminine even if you’re “strong”. It’s never addressed whether you can be a “proper princess” without being super feminine. Could a princess have short hair and rock some pants? The show doesn’t touch on that but states that stuff like make-up is important. (this IS slightly mollified by the fact a male villain-who-turns-good really likes putting on make-up and is never mocked for this-in fact, his first step to redemption is when the girls’ princess teacher helps him fix his makeup. HE benefits from Princess lessons. So at least it’s made clear gender roles don’t have to be super rigid). I’m not saying the show should paint femininity as something bad, but there should at least be some indication that you don’t have to embrace the hyperfeminine aspect if you don’t feel like it.

And where does “queen” fit into all this? What is GPP’s concept of that? What about being an adult in full command and power? Will Haruka eventually want to be a queen? Are there any positive things associated with that? The only time the show presents queens are a) our sexualized evil villain who is taking over and is in fact the living embodiment of despair or b) Towa’s mother who has like zero lines. GPP does not reclaim the concept of “queen” at all. In fact, it undeniably falls into the trap of presenting queens as a bad thing to aspire to be, because they’re older, more powerful, more sexual than our pure, sweet, young princesses. It’s a very weird juxtaposition with the rest of the show, which presents the girls working towards adulthood and being inspired by adult women. Yet the fact a princess is generally expected to become a queen someday and what that means for GPPs concept of princess is just...tossed out. Because Queens are Evil or Just Kinda There. It’s a shame that a show that’s clearly trying to be positive for girls still relys on bad stereotypes about women in power.

I realize I’m asking a LOT of this show, but it’s such a huge cultural concept and the show can be so smartly written...and is loaded with Utena references...so like...it set itself up for high standards there...I don’t think it’s unfair to think it could be more. Just my thoughts.