#I think being autistic is so painful. Not to get really real but I'm

[mobgeo]

I feel so clueless on how jokes work. I know what makes people laugh, and I can repeat what makes them laugh so I can be funny, but I still don't understand the joke itself. I know how to make people laugh but I don't understand WHY it elicits laughter

[saccharinescorpion]

i've been debating on whether to post about this but what the hell, it's relevant both to today's episode and the topic of people trying to smooth over the flaws of Dungeon Meshi characters.... so, uh, remember what i said yesterday about Laios forgetting the basics of human decency when interacting with Izutsumi

i was intially worried about people reading this scene in uhh certain ways but was thankful to see most fans were chill with it... before i realized that. uh. maybe people were being a little too chill

okay............ so,

1. for the record: i believe that it is clear from what we know about him and what we know about the entire series as a whole that, yes, Laios didn't have "untoward" intentions towards Izutsumi in this scene. there's even an aside in Izutsumi's profile in the Adventurer's Bible that says as much. he likely saw it in basically the same way Falin did when she was observing the reproductive organs of the caterpillar in that one scene. FOR THE RECORD this excuse would basically never fly in real life, but for Laios, it actually honestly makes sense... he has a habit of ignoring people's boundaries, he gets ahead of himself when it comes to learning about monsters... he didn't have bad intentions, no, but it doesn't change the fact that he's an adult man (not a [my face contorts with a great pain] "curious boy") who was being really invasive about a teenage girl's body. it was weird. it was 100% weird, lmao, i don't think fans are "lacking media literacy" by saying "uh yeah that was kind of creepy and inappropriate of Laios"

2. and i also don't think it's villifying ND people to say that. if i were to be honest, i would argue the whole "he's just a curious boy :(" thing is a lot more offensive to neurodivergent people. Laios clearly knows about the concept of bodily autonomy- he felt weird and bad about touching Marcille and Senshi in "intimate" ways just to heal them. literally one scene after this one he expresses embarassment about accidentally touching the leg of (who he thinks to be) Marcille. he very obviously possesses the capacity to understand why it would be inappropriate to observe a stranger's body like they were an animal. i can accept the explanation that his monster curiosity temporarily overpowered his "oh actually maybe i shouldn't try to get up close and person with this teenager who i literally just met," but that doesn't change that he had to be restrained from doing that. i'm not even saying he's a "bad person" or anything because of this scene- i just am baffled at the idea of fans being presented with the slightest bit of messiness (he was creepy to a young girl, however unintentionally) and jumping to try and "justify" it (he's just silly, he's socially awkward, he's autistic, he's a Curious Boy) and even mock others who rightfully point out that that was uncomfortable behavior. Laios was creepy to Izutsumi. he didn't mean to, but he did (and to be quite frank he was lucky to get off with a smack from Chilchuck and a blindfold)

3. "I would also ask" excuse me?

[maculategiraffe]

for the longest time I didn't know what was up with anybody in my family, and then I figured out my sister and I and my dad all have adhd but I still didn't know what was up with my mom, and then my sister said she thought our mom and I were both autistic and I spent awhile considering that, and now I must say I think all four of us are autistic AND have adhd, and furthermore I also think all my aunts and uncles and cousins are autistic and have adhd, and the three of my late grandparents I ever met were all definitely autistic also. probably my dad's mom was too but I never met her because she self medicated so heavily her whole life with booze and cigarettes and benzodiazepenes and probably like seconal and nembutal that she died pretty young. also steve is definitely autistic and I strongly suspect both his parents are

unfortunately my mom starts shrieking and throwing chairs (metaphorically. mostly. although she did once drop kick a toaster) if anyone ever floats the idea that anyone she has ever met might be autistic, so her internalized self loathing is still firmly in place and the idea that the baby might have similar neurological tendencies to literally every single one of his known genetic forebears is freaking her the fuck out because it's "mean" to "accuse" someone of being autistic. because apparently it's NOT mean to make a person feel like they're failing the Last Judgement anytime they say or do anything, and refuse to consider that there might be any reasons for a person acting in any way she deems eccentric besides the person just being too lazy or wilfully perverse to put in the effort to Be Normal.

but my mom is also aware on some level that she is not normal, and also thinks that it's because she is lazy and perverse and not making enough of an effort, which means she resents herself as much as she resents the rest of us, and refuses to contemplate figuring out what would actually make her happy because the fact that she's not happy the way she's living means there's something wrong with her. because she is living the right and normal way to live. so stop saying anything is wrong because only an abnormal person would say that and (gripping a wineglass so hard it shatters) nobody in this family is abnormal.

I obviously can't fix her but it makes me feel so much better just to understand where all her constant nonsense is coming from. she'll start bitching about somebody on TV doing something stupid that's going to get him in trouble and she goes-- at this absolute edge of nervous breakdown pitch, I cannot describe the hysterical rage that is barely contained in her chest when she says something like this, nobody would act like this. nobody would do this. and I'm like sure they would and she's like NO THEY WOULDN'T and I'm like ...oh, oh yeah, the hyperempathy thing. she identifies so strongly with every person before her, even the fictional ones, that it's like physically painful to see them make decisions she wouldn't make. just like it is to see me and my sister making decisions she wouldn't make and leading lives she wouldn't lead. so instead of going "oh! I would never!" she's got to go NOBODY IN THIS WORLD WOULD EVER. THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. EVERYONE IS NORMAL OR ELSE THEY ARE NOT REAL.

it's just a really good perspective to have. like... I get it now. that's really all that's changed but it feels like a lot. that I get it now.

[timkontheunsure]

what do you think of stolas and asmodeus's relationship?

Ooof... Ok I think Asmodeus has a problem with neurodivergents, and Stolas is very obviously autistic. (And it'll take a bit of explaining cus I do really like Ozzie. But I think this is where he's going to get character growth. So sorry for being slow).

They are very unlikely to ever be close friends; because of Ozzie's bullying, even when he gets passed it.

Stolas looks extremely worried to find out Ozzie's there when we first met him.

But no, I don't think they'll ever really be friends. (But I'm can see Stolas and Fizz becoming friends though).

It's really good writing to have the carer to his physical disabled partner, be bit ableist to invisible disabilities.

Ozzie's a fairly lovely guy otherwise, so it's nice reminder that anyone can be guilty of this.

"Asmodues can be very invasive in his humour. But I thought it was pretty funny myself. What he said about me at least. I enjoys being the subject of jest. Maybe you can say mean things to me too next time you come over" (text from Stolas to Blitz).

His text shows this isn't the first time Ozzie's done this. It's normal for Ozzie to grab him and taking the piss out of him.

"He enjoys being the subject of jest" because it's always just a joke, and Stolas is always the punchline.

Then there's Ozzie behaviour in Opps, like how he reacts during Stolas' appointment. Showing up four hours late without even apologising. (Stolas is just days out of the hospital).

And Ozzie's basically pissed off for Stolas existence during the whole of it.

Getting annoyed at very petty things like Stolas not taking the right seat, and giving him a real answer to a verbal wallpaper question "Still gettin' yo' kink on with that feisty imp?"

He doesn't actually want to know the answer; even though it's the whole reason for the meeting, and treats all Stolitz could be as a race kink. Fizz would probably have been annoyed by that microaggression.

Then Ozzie assumes that Stolas wants to drug and rape Blitz. Assuming the worst of autistic people motivations is unfortunate common ableist microaggression.

It gets much more obvious when Stolas volunteers to help get Fizz home safe; Ozzie's behave gets worse.

With Ozzie being irritated that Stolas stop him signing the first contact, that would have allowed Crimson to decapitate Fizzarolli.

Stolas is so happy be able to use his special interest to help. But Ozzie is extremely unimpressed and angry because of Stolas' stimming.

Then after Stolas quickly writes up a workable deal, and the lawyer is slow; Ozzie sets Stolas on fire.

Through the 11 hour kidnapped Stolas faces all of Ozzie's anger and aggression, right till Fizz come back. Then it's directed at the lawyer, who up till then is only told to read faster.

Ok so he needs the lawyer alive and unharmed to rescue Fizz right?

So that means Ozzie is 100% capable and aware of controlling his anger.

But is choosing to take it out on the guy giving him help. That's like being a dick to your nurse because you're in pain. It's unstable but still a shite thing to do.

Then there's Ozzie being ungrateful callings 11 hours of free help, expecting nothing in return; as being "stuck with Stolas all day".

Some neurotypicals really do just hate you on sight for missing social cues, and Ozzie is being that guy. Even after Stolas saves his lover's life.

And he does the same thing when Stolas does what Fizz was begging him to do; save Blitz from being executed. Unable to hide his irritation.

He really complains that the free help he receive is comes from someone he finds annoying.

Even if Ozzie grows up, and takes ownership of his bullying behaviours; I can't see it as healthy for Stolas to be perfectly ok with him after this.

[infiniteorangethethird]

Every time I see a description of autistics and their routines, esp ones aimed to make allistics understand better, I feel like my experiences as an actually autistic person are completely misrepresented by it. And it's entirely possible that it's just me always finding posts that weren't meant for me specifically, but I've never found anyone talk abt autistic routines and be like "yep, that's me, that's how routines feel to me".

It sometimes feels like that even the most well-meaning of posts or articles or whatever boil down to the idea that, at the end of the day, an autistic person's routine doesn't serve any "real" purpose. That routines are just what we got used to over time, and as such they bring us familiarity and comfort, but beyond that familiarity and comfort they are senseless and pointless. That you should respect an autistic person's routine (so long as it's not harming anyone) - despite it being obviously nonsense.

And to be clear, I don't think there's anything wrong with routines "just" for the sake of familiarity and comfort, and I do agree that you should respect ppl's boundaries even if they don't make sense to you. This isn't the problem. My issue is that every time I take a look at my own routines, I could take each and every part of it and tell you exactly what specific purpose it serves and why it cannot be removed without serious negative consequences.

For example. I tend to eat at the same times every day, because my body sucks at telling me properly when I'm hungry and sticking to time instead of bodily sensations allows me to ensure I eat properly. I always go through my morning routine the same way because "morning routine" is a lot easier to remember than remembering each and every element of getting ready, individually, every morning. I take the same route to work every time because paying attention to my surroundings is extremely taxing, and walking the familiar path lets me turn off my mind and let my instincts instead of conscious decisions direct me.

And this perspective changes why I might be upset about changes in routine as well. It's not just upsetting because it's unfamiliar and scary, it's upsetting because the consequences can be downright painful. If I don't eat on time I might forget to eat at all and could end up in a too-hungry-to-eat spiral that can take days to escape. If my morning routine is messed with I am almost certain to forget at least one step of it, which, depending on the step, can mess with my entire rest of the day (for instance, forgetting to pack my bottle and not being able to drink as a result).

So much of the advice I see floating around regarding these routines seems to be of the belief that they don't actually stem from anything besides habit, and as such the negative reaction to deviation from these routines is purely emotional (and irrational). Even in the better cases that don't just outright dismiss this emotional reaction as something to be ignored, there's still this undertone that the emotional reaction can be culled and autistic ppl can be taught how to be more adaptable and how to let go of these routines, by showing them how to handle the emotional reaction better.

And while I don't necessarily think this is bad advice (it can be really helpful esp as an autistic person to figure out ways to step outside your already rather small comfort zone, so advice like this is actually greatly appreciated), but I really wish there was more acknowledgement of routines that are based on more physical and practical stuff and can't be changed with determination and patience alone. That sometimes the emotional reaction is completely rational and justified, and that some routines can't really be changed without facing some incredibly negative consequences.

[cripplecharacters]

Is it okay to write a disabled villain as long as their disability has nothing to do with their goal or motivation as an antagonist?

I've also heard that it's best to have a hero who's also disabled when writing a story with a disabled villain, so a follow-up question on that: Would a hero and villain both being disabled but being differently disabled still achieve that? ex. An autistic, paraplegic hero and a diabetic villain

Hi!

It is fine to have a disabled villain. The main things to avoid are having your villain be the only disabled character or the only severely disabled character, a villain because of their disability or a uniquely evil character, and the facial difference tropes discussed in this post.

Your example sounds perfectly fine. It's great to have rep of multiple characters with the same disability, especially when one of those characters is an antagonist, but it's not a requirement. As long as you're portraying your antagonist as a villain who also happens to be disabled, you're probably okay.

Mod Rock

Hello,

I'll specifically mention villains with facial differences - please, don't. We don't need more villains with facial differences, even if the heroes are diabetic or have chronic pain or anything else.

If you absolutely must make the evil one have a disfigurement (and I mean must, whatever it means to you, not "but they look more evil with their gross scar I want to keep ittt"), give the hero a bigger disfigurement. No more "burn survivor villain / hero with a hot scar that's essentially an eyebrow slit" BS.

Facial differences are often not considered a disability, having a hero be disabled in a different way won't offset it. People don't tend to think of us as disabled, we are just ugly and bad. In my experience (of existing in writing spaces) a lot of people would be accepting of the idea that an autistic character could be positive, even if it's through an ableist "disability made them a saint" lens. In the same experience, most people can't even seemingly conceptualize a positive character with a facial difference as a thing that could exist unless their facial difference is one that no one has in real life. I've told writers before "make a positive character with an FD" and I'm getting told that they don't really know how to, they only have villain concepts; even making a regular ass person with an FD is apparently a challenge. People will make "evil versions" of abled characters and boom, they have a facial difference now, since it clearly signifies that someone is a bad person. Every character with an FD is either evil, a nameless victim (victim specifically because they became disfigured), or a tough violent dude who draws a line with a marker vertically across his eye.

We don't need more of this, genuinely. It's boring (and offensive, but I think almost all of us are numb to it at this point) and offers nothing new. Either make put us on the heroes' side or just leave us out. Everything else - including attempts at subverting the deformed villain trope - will end up as the thing you're trying to avoid.

mod Sasza

[ratgirlexe]

To wrap up my thoughts on HDG as horror, now that I’m no longer in severe pain and writing my thoughts at 3 am:

I think the best summary of it all is that it’s hard for me to go into any given story and feel truly horrified, because I know on a meta textual level that everything is going to work out in the end, and the characters will likely be happier than when they started. I don’t know how to suspend my disbelief in the idea that ultimately things will work out, so even if the main character goes through any number of acts which are horrifying in *theory*. I almost empathize more with the affini putting them through that experience, more so than the character who’s point of view I’m seeing things from.

Are you a rebel feralist being put through awake surgery for your haustoric implant? It might be the scariest experience of your life, but that just means you get to be a floret now! You’ll have someone to care for and love you forever, and you’ll never have to be alone. Give it a week and you’ll be thanking them for doing so.

How about if you’re a terminally ill patient at end-of-life, or in excruciating pain that even the affini can't somehow solve? That's okay! We'll get you on a nice tasty regimen of class-O's, and you'll never hurt or be afraid again. There will be nothing but unending bliss, and you won't even realize that you're hurting. Not all suffering can be prevented, and eventually it all has to end, but heaven is real, and we've placed it inside you. Even in that last situation, which is the most personally scary to me, there's a certain level of bitter sweetness to it all. Maybe it's just the pain I've been in, but there aren't quite as many ways to end someones life that are as kind as bliss never-ending.

Ultimately I think it's just the fact that I know the affini are benevolent within the story, which makes even the most harrowing or scary events take on a more lighthearted tone for me. Yes, getting to where you want to be, where you *need* to be can be really scary. I'm autistic. Change is terrifying, change is death, and some changes can feel too monumental to ever surmount on your own. But to me HDG is a true escapist fantasy that says "Even if this change is scary, even if you can't choose to change for the better, even if the process hurts or makes you feel like you're dying, I'll be here with you to hold your hand and guide you through it. You don't have to go through it alone, and by the end you'll be able to blossom into who I know you can be."

And to me that's just not scary or horrifying. That's something that I yearn for each and every day.

[urautismdiagnosis-wistie]

Ships hehe

BOATS (ships)

OK SO I won't tolerate anyone trashing aro ace people or queer platonic relationships or invalidating them, THAT OUT OF THE WAY TIME FOR HEADCANONSSS

barnacles and kwazii 🐻‍❄️💛🐱: I originally shipped them when I was like 12 lol

To me they're going to become a QPR and they mean the world to me.

I need to start actually posting my stories to showcase what's gonna happen BUT CMON GUYS THEY HAD AN ENTIRE EPISODE ABOUT THEM BEING A SYMBIOTIC RELATIONSHIP?!

Like I'm gonna be so real they were octopod POD mates. (Their rooms in the same bubble lol)

Kwazii is his ✨first mate✨

They're a married couple that doesn't realize it yet!I'm going to trauma bond them and no one can stop me. Cuz I've already done it 😎👍✨

They deeply trust eachother! I'm going to make barnacles be horrified that he could've almost lost kwazii after kwazii nearly died! Barnacles loves this silly cat man! Kwazii loves to be appreciated and make barnacles proud! They emotionally support eachother! Kwazii is going to have nightmares about the captain dying in a horrific way that totally doesn't relate to the intens psychological trauma I've given him! Barnacles wants to be useful and have someone to love but also someone to tell him its ok and that he doesn't have to be perfect or brave all the time! Kwazii wants to not be alone and prove himself to someone who truly sees the worth in him while being able to trust that they'd always stay loyal together! They have so many inside jokes and shared moments of near death experiences! Accordian music and shanties!

anyways onto SHELLINGTON AND DASHI AY AY AY AYYYY

Uhhh so I haven't posted their designs and my headcanons but yes Shellington is autistic to me (totally not me projecting but yall see the username. Ill get into why I think he's autistic on my character design post for him) and yes I think yk what? Maybe he was a little lonely and weird as a kid and yk what also? Maybe he does have some chronic pain too I dont make the rules (yes I do)

Anyways like shellington, I'm giving my baby issues and fears relating to not being like part of the group lol. Subconsciously anyways. And yk he found his people, the octonauts who value him and his interests and dont blame him for messing up lol and he likes himself as a person

(BTW he wouls totally try to adopt a cryptid like creature (new species!) abomination and name it Steve I already have an entire plot)

Do yall remember when they were sent to spend several weeks alone together in the midnight zone cuz I do

Regardless i think dashi just casually asked him ayyo wanna date and then he bluescreened LOL

As for dashi well, I'll get into her headcanons when I post her character design as well, but regardless she needs someone who understands and supports her passions without judgement yk?

She is so incredible,like photography, computer specialist, apparently technically a scientist, a surfer, able to pilot deep marine vehicles, got swallowed by a whale, did a flip from the manta ray while diving FRKM SEVERAL METWRS IN THE AIR INTO WAYER THAT WAS ABOUT TO HAVE LAVA POUR INTO IT???, and is a whole pilot now apaprently???

Like holy-

Anyways yeah dashi thinks shellington is an amazing single father with so much kindness and emotional intelligence and many many charming qualities 🥰

Shellington thinks dashi is Like actually a really really awesome person??? Like they both like organizing things!! Shes funny and smart!! They can both talk about eachothers interests and he likes to make her happy!! She's really cool and kind and helps him with stuff and she's super intelligent and charming! He just thinks she's oh so very cool. She's so confident and has kind eyes 🥰

Anyways yes

Btw just wanna say that tweak is like if u were aro ace to the max lolll shes just content with her life and friends lol

now for the penguin(s) in the room

ok so shes gonna be a plot relevant character in a story I've got in the works (The Oil RIg) it'll be a fun ride dw, but we love medic x depressed woman its great and yes I do think peso could pull any gal just by existing like straight up fight me on this fight me fIGHT ME-

ok not fight I'm not like that but I will stand on this hill till I die

but fr tho it was a whole telenovellahow they met omg- I'm talking the drama- thelore- thesoftmoments and the heartbreaking goodbyes- not to worry tho they do meet again and are like long distance(with tons of visiting) lol they have a very healthy relationship tho considering that shes like idk, ig fresh out of a like, very unhealthy environment

i ain't gonna spoil anything rn tho lol but she Gon save his life and he gon save hers and its gonna be beautiful<3 <3 <#

[kimyoonmiauthor]

AI Bros, yo...

So someone tried to say because I was against Gen AI, that I was being "Elitist" lol, "Ableist" lol and "anti-poor people."

Dudes, are you even disabled, poor, or have grand privileges like being a white male (they had a picture of a white male on their profile)

You're against Poor people

Me, who was given up for adoption and still has trauma responses from knocking on doors because I was so dirt poor, they had to give me up for adoption. And me, who used to walk to the library because I didn't have internet on my free days to get air conditioning, to submit stories, is being effing prejudiced against poor people. Oh, how rich it is to say shit like that. And you know what? I still drew and wrote and submitted stories.

But, but you know that I am being really prejudiced against poor people. Do you want to talk about that?

I used computer paper and a pencil. And have you seen the artwork of Slay the Princess which is pretty much almost all mechanical pencil?

You're being insulting to poor people. You're saying poor people can't do art or be creative. When backed into a corner, 100% I was great at art. I made art with brie, I made art with a rock I found on the sidewalk.

Lascaux's caves is basically chewed and spat out dirt, dudes. And you're saying you need AI if you're poor. WHA~~ Some great artists were poor their entire lives.

Rembrandt???

I've made art out of an orange peel. Art is a result of resourcefulness and creativity.

You hate NDs

C-PTSD, dyscalculia, SPD. Yep, I hate myself. And damn it, I hate NDs, and fuck, I can't draw anything. OMG, I need AI /s

This is the only AI I used. This is called Adobe Illustrator. [A]dobe [I]llustrator, though I used Affinity as well.

I did test AI mostly to mock it, but I clearly marked it.

I created 100% of the brushes and all of the vectors. "OMG, I can't do art. I have a disability that makes me can't do art." /s

I heard the Autistic excuse crap too (that person wasn't autistic, BTW, I checked). I've done art exchanges with people in that ND camp as well, in fact, sometimes I feel like they are better than me.

You hate Disabled people (some of the bros called everyone else The disableds... ?.? And then I know you're not disabled)

I have CPTSD, which is more like a cocktail. I also get chronic pain from issues you don't need to know.

And I still was able to draw this. OMG, you're terrible and hate disabled people when you insist on not using AI.

BTW, There is no disability around creativity.

Disabled people don't have a disability around creativity. I saw someone sew clothes with their mouth. Are you going to tell me that sewing isn't creative? Someone was paralized from the neck down, on vents and was typing a novel from a computer tracking their eye movements. And this isn't the inspiration porn moment, but just saying. If they want to, they can.

You're being Elitist

Huh? lol rotfl

I have a degree in Anthropology concentrated in systems, I'm likely more of a red shirt. You adopted? You queer? You have disabilities? You're ND? You're female? You got called not real because you're all of these things and called a catfish?

You, gen AI bro, are more likely to be more elitist than I am.

And then he slinked off...

Because he had no defenses, and couldn't figure out how to think independently without AI. Whereas, I swear, the majority of my knowledge was gained by going to libraries (Some of that work is on this blog, BTW with clear pictures of the books I collected. Look for Robert Goheen. I took that picture in the university. I had to go to a university library for that. And no, I did not attend said university, but it is allowable by university rules as long as I don't try to check the book out.), which, BTW, he also called elitist. HAHAHA. I pay no money for books and actually put in the effort and that's elitist?

The majority of learning how to draw was done on my own by leveling up. Yes, I did take Graphic design classes. Yes, but most of that knowledge is now on the internet. The advantage of classes is being around other like-minded people and having that collective energy push you to be better and find out what you can and can't do, to push your limits. And I'm sorry, no AI can do that.

The best AI can do is fuck up hanbok and not understand what time period the hanbok came from. And I'm not going to teach it that.

And if it's elitist to say I clawed tooth and nail to be able to draw and spent time and effort, then fuck it, anyone that wakes up in the morning and puts in daily effort to get better at anything is elitist for not being lazy and learning how to think for themselves.

[cleolinda]

Weekend links, March 16, 2025

My posts

Silent Hill 2 update: The good news is that the tornadoes that swept through the Midwest and Deep South missed my house. The bad news is that my wifi was so unstable for a couple of days as a result that I couldn't upload the second commentary that is completely finished oh my god just let me upload it. Like I don't want to OBTAIN A DAMN ETHERNET CABLE AND GO PLUG INTO THE BASEMENT ROUTER BUT SO HELP ME IT IS COMING TO THAT.

In the meantime, have a preview clip of James flawlessly fighting his way to Wood Side Apartments, I don't know what else to tell you.

I'm having my third pain block procedure on Wednesday, so I'm either going to be getting a lot of things done before then, or you're not going to hear a word from me for several days. It's hard to say. 

Unrelated: Are these anxiety dreams familiar to you?

Reblogs of interest

Manul Monday: Meet Borys Beebopovich

Happy birthday to el chupacabra!

Happy anniversary "old as balls" gifset!

Enemies to glovers

"when you’re autistic and you learn how to smalltalk it literally feels like you started hacking real life" (it does tho)

"reminder that 30 isn’t old, it’s very normal to not accomplish everything in your 20s, and that it is never too late to learn that thing you’ve always wanted to learn. you’re always growing. that’s a good thing."

“If you’re challenging yourself in the way you should, there’s always a doubt about if you’re going to be able to pull it off."

Medieval Nubian Fashion Brought to Life

Four Horses, details from a 17th century Persian manuscript

Sculpture of a seated man with two dogs, Veracruz, Mexico, 400-800 A.D

Charles Darwin: The man, the myth, the mood

Werner Herzog is also a mood, just a much weirder one

Alaska's Passive-Aggressive Map of the United States

There is no law on the moon

"here’s your regular reminder that if you consistently, regularly get headaches, you are almost certainly having migraines, not regular headaches"

"The Lincoln Assassination is really just wild if you think about it for a moment"

"Devastating to have more evidence that done IS better than perfect"

A lovely answer to "What is everyone's fuss with Vincent Van Gogh?"

"Interesting…my mom claims cake is not for breakfast..."

I love picker wheel polls, but I don't know how to feel about switching lives with Loki

Art: "Saint Guinefort, 13th century folk saint and guardian of children. The ultimate Good Boy."

Art of birds being observed and their reactions

I've always loved this Marie Antoinette-inspired Dior

I love stories about interactive theater, but Shakespeare in particular yields great ones

I don't know what Chicken of the Woods is and I've only vaguely heard of Jerma, so I don't understand a word of this but I'm so happy for everyone involved

Thanks to this gifset, I remembered to recommend The Women when "What are some good movies from the 1930s" came up in conversation

"Student explaining to me (after getting 55) that when reading a novel ('Ulysses' in this case) he likes to skip 'passages and pages' so as 'to get his own idea, you know, about the book and not be influenced by the author'." And then you see which professor wrote this down

"every time i see something on the internet that makes me mad i just think to myself 'people in real life: hey man how’s it going'"

Beneficent Chain Posts: The Potato of Luck

This is either Three Cat Moon or a very unorthodox Animorph

Nom de plume

Video

Wet Beast Wednesday: A sopping wet muskrat

Types of cat engines

Mushroom playing keyboard (my dog did not like this at ALL)

Personal tag of the week

Ides of March. I wasn't able to reblog anything new, but fortunately I had my favorites queued up (well, the boops are new):

Southern Mark Antony talks at Caesar's funeral

Happy birthday, Chocolate Guy!

If Mark Antony was Gen Z

He'll only et two

“Oh, not you as well, Brutus!”

And here's a new one that slipped in under the wire: "i really wonder what Julius Caesar would think of a bunch of neurodivergent rats huddled in a circle chanting ides of march ides of march ides of march and then cheering loudly on the 2067th anniversary of his assassination?"

[iscopeeee]

dumping a bunch of baldi's basics handcanons yay

mainly NULL and Baldi but a couple others as well (mostly under a cut because this turned out way longer than i thought it would be)

NULL;

aroace, accepts any pronouns, gender apathetic. basically this

experiences chronic pain and chronic fatigue as a result of his corruption. sometimes feels phantom pains where his arms should be

also experiences brain fog and memory issues from the corruption, which contributes to his rambling speaking pattern.

is completely blind out of his right eye, left eye is ok

even without the brain fog he's just very Not Good at communicating I think. they're definitely the type to ramble on for hours and go on a bunch of tangents and still leave you with no idea what they're talking about

can't eat because well. no mouth. luckily he doesn't really need to eat to live because its videos game but that banana on the desk has been taunting him for years

can somehow still pick things up despite not having any hands. maybe he has sort-of invisible arms homestar runner style? don't question it

not really a headcanon as such but i prefer writing his name in all caps (NULL) like in the title of NULL style because i think its swaggy

can't remember her "real" name from before it was corrupted and left him with NULL. can't really remember much at all from before the corruption, actually. Tries not to think about it. (keep bottling those emotions up NULL, nothing bad could possibly happen :DDDD )

doesn't hate Baldi and the others exactly, but definitely holds some sort of resentment for them being granted "freedom" in a way he doesn't have. generally doesn't think about them much and considers them less important ("i'm smarter than baldi") because they aren't entirely "real". also pities some of them in a way. his feelings are very conflicted and complicated

very low empathy, high compassion. struggles to understand others emotions/perspectives and can be kind of blunt and insensitive, but genuinely cares a lot about the player's safety and doesn't want what happened to him to happen again

would probably swear but can't - the game stops him. thats why he keeps saying shit like "jeepers" instead

Baldi!!!! :D

he/him bi trans man

obviously his super hearing is well known, but i think his eyesight is a bit below average. he needs to wear cute little half-moon reading glasses like homer simpson when grading his students' papers

has misophonia something fierce because of his sensitive hearing. someone get this man some noise cancelling headphones stat

autistic - special interests are mathematics and engineering. wanted to be an inventor as a kid but unfortunately there isn't much of a market for 2 metre tall "math machines" so he studied to become a math teacher instead

the way his mouth breaks and clips in on itself when he frowns - i think this is because his model literally wasn't built to be able to frown. he's a silly goofy teacher from a kid's edutainment game, why would he ever need to make any expression other than smiling? i think he has problems with feeling like he isn't "allowed" to feel any emotion other than happiness and tries to bottle up any and all negative emotion in favour of constant overbearing positivity, which leads to his angry outbursts when he can't hold it in anymore (maybe he and NULL have something in common after all...)

kinda stealing borrowing this from this post by @/quantitative4rts but baldi definitely loses his speech when he's upset, particularly when sad or angry. he "can't allow himself" to speak negatively and struggles to find words when overwhelmed so he just says nothing. this is why he is completely silent when chasing the player despite being very talkative otherwise

kinda bad at spelling and grammar. makes lots of typos when writing. if he ever needs to write any important paperwork the principal has to proofread and correct it for him every time

dating both the principal and dr. reflex. baldi has two hands

body is made out of a kind of hard plastic - joints and other moving parts are a softer, more rubbery material. has no internal organs - if you cut his torso open it would just be full of #FF0000 red paint

the player/the user

tbh i have two different "versions" of the player in my mind. first is the player as a character - a curious and naive young child who goes to here school to learn math, which i usually represent with the fanon brown hair teal clothes design. then there's the user, which is literally just a direct representation of the real person playing the game - i use the capsule collider for this.

the player is they/them nonbinary. the user's identity constantly changes based on who is currently playing the game. thousands of people could be occupying the user's body at once.

how do these two different versions coexist? they dont! but also do. Don't question it

the user has no personality or identity outside of the person/people controlling it. it's literally just an untextured cylinder whose purpose is to provide people with a way to interface with the game. it is an empty husk with no agency of its own.

the player has dyscalculia, which is abstractly represented by the jumbled/glitched math problems in baldi's classic/remastered. they try their best but genuinely do just struggle a lot with understanding math. honestly i could go on a whole ramble about how baldi's basics could be taken as an allegory for how nightmarish the school system can be for kids with learning disabilities and other disabilities but that's a different post methinks

Dr. Reflex (🐀)

his eyes on his actual model in game are slightly misaligned if you look so i like to draw him with a "lazy" eye

he/they gay man. doesn't actively identify as genderqueer or anything but he doesn't consider himself totally 100% man all the time.

sort of. a pseudo-scientific quack lol. he isn't doing it to scam people out of money or anything, he's purely in it for the love of the game and hitting people with hammers. maybe here school should've hired someone with an actual medical license

autistic - special interest for the nervous system as a whole, but particularly interested in reflexes.

VERY attached to routine - is very particular about the way his sick bay is set up and follows the same routine every day without fail. this is part of the reason he gets so upset when people leave his tests early - it's not what's "supposed" to happen

probably objectum. you know he smooches that hammer

doesn't mind at all when people compare him to a rat - rats are his favourite animal :B he just thinks they're cute

has a lot of morbid curiosity around blood and guts and such - wanted to be a surgeon but flunked out of medical school :( the principal won't let him have any sharp objects for his medical tools so his hammer will have to do

had a crush on baldi for a long time before they started dating

Is full of squishy red and pink clay and can kinda just form himself back together if injured. None of these freaks have normal biology

[sephirthoughts]

I would honestly love for you to answer all the "Honest Character Asks" for Sephiroth, but instead, what I'm going to do is ask you to answer the ten that you most want to be asked. Is that okay?

[from this ask game]

hoohoohoo i get to pick!!!

OH NO actually choosing on my own is way harder than having them chosen for me

WHYYYYYYYYY

nvm it was actually pretty easy

here ya go!!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

3. What first drew you to this character?

i saw this gif going around on the internet and found out it was real and not a mod, and joined tumblr about it. this is not a joke

5. If this character were a woman, would you honestly still like them? Or in reverse, what if they were a man?

if sephiroth was a woman and he was *exactly the same* i would still like him exactly as much (probably a lot MORE if we're being honest). HOWEVER. square enix does an absolutely deplorable awful embarrassing shit-ass job writing and designing female characters, and i do not believe for one second that they could be trusted with a female version of sephiroth, who they wrote intending her to be female.

gender transposition of the character as-is: 👍✅

squeenix-designed and written female version: 👎🚫

8. Does the character’s looks/design matter to you?

yes. absolutely. if he didn't have long-ass white anime hair and a needlessly dramatic FLOOR LENGTH BLACK LEATHER coat, how would i know he was a villain/ridiculous edgelord and thus awesome?

11. How did you “fall in love” with this character?

i had only heard vaguely of final fantasy until fairly recently, but i knew there was a guy i called "the hot one" with long white hair, and i could tell he was an absolutely ridiculous edgelord from his clothing and design, so i knew i'd like him, if i ever got round to checking out this final fantasy thing. then i heard his name was SEPHIROTH which is a PLURAL TERM for an esoteric religious concept and i laughed so hard i woke up my cat, and decided i had to know more about him. THEN i found out he had A SINGLE BLACK WING and a HUGE SWORD and CAT EYES and i was absolutely done for. heart stolen

i just can't resist a ridiculous edgelord what can i say

16. Have you ever cried when thinking about this character? Genuinely?

yes. genuinely. FIGHT ME

17. Have you ever felt physical pain over this character? (ex: physical heartache).

same answer COME AT ME

31. Are you ashamed of liking this character?

i have never been ashamed of anything i have liked ever in my life

44. Which season makes you think of this character?

winter. sephiroth is a winter baby. @getvalentined has a whole thing explaining that he was likely born on christmas day, with which i agree heartily. and he's a winter color-pallette. also there is no way that coat works in any other season without him being a fire hydrant of sweat

46. How much do bad interpretations of this character upset you?

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 😬

all joking aside, they don't upset me so much as annoy me. i don't care about "being right" i just can't stand misinformation. i have this weird tic where i really need things to be as accurate as possible. also my motive in analysing or explaining or talking with people about a thing is mostly to share my enjoyment of the thing, and if people wildly misunderstand the thing, they might not enjoy it as much as they could. my autistic is showing isn't it. oops

49. What’s your favorite personality trait in this character?

my favorite personality trait of sephiroth is his gentleness.

yes i know he's a genocidal maniac who wants to incinerate the planet's population and use it as a spaceship, ignore all that.

pre-nibelheim fire, he's actually one of the gentlest male characters i've ever seen in a video game. and he's not meant to be effeminate or a pathetic pushover, which is usually the only way you see men portrayed as soft or gentle in japanese media (and tbh most western media).

he's the most famous warrior in the world. he's possibly the strongest being on the planet. he could kill you with a snap of his fingers. and despite all that, he is nothing even vaguely resembling an alpha-male toxic masculinity case. he's not even standoffish or arrogant. he's just...gentle. he's soft-spoken, thoughtful, courteous, self-effacing, and compassionate. he treats his subordinates with kindness and respect. he tries to make other people comfortable and thinks of them before himself.

he's not weak, he is using a soft touch and a light step, intentionally, so as not to frighten or damage all the little humans. that is incredibly endearing and a thing i love about him

thank you for the ask!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

[grison-in-space]

Reading Men Who Hate Women (Laura Bates, 2020) at the moment. She's talking about the manosphere: the massive online communities of men who congregate to talk misogyny, ranging from PUAs to MRAs, incels and MGTOW. These aren't new topics to me—I've been following this off and on since watching Gamergate kick off—but Bates handles them well and I think this book could serve as an introduction if this is a movement with which you're not familar. By the way, it's been a decade since Gamergate this year. Isn't that a kicker?

(Incidentally, I first ran into the concept of incels way before I think many people did: when I was still on AVEN, c. 2006-2007ish, I remember a few occasions where users ran into incel communities and brought them to our forums to ask: is this like what we're doing? Is this like us? Consensus quickly solidified on the direction of "no," each time, not least because asexuality dialog at the time was extremely clear about divorcing desire from action, and it was very clear that the desires centered in that community were very different than the ones people in asexuality spaces were untangling.)

Bates handles the topic with grace, compassion, and a deep understanding that I really wish more writing on radicalization or terroristic networks used: people in real pain, who are struggling in pitiable circumstances to do their best and clearly need more support, can also in their pain be truly dangerous to others. Hurt people hurt people. Compassion for pain suffered is important—you can't understand recruitment without understanding that—but you also have to understand that pain, fermented in darkness, can create deadly poisons. Pain isn't essentially holy or cleansing or cauterizing. It doesn't accomplish anything good by existing. If we can relieve it, we should—but we should follow harm reduction principles as we do so, lest pain be allowed to multiply and fester.

What gets me is that in 2017, in the wake of the Google bro "manifesto," I spent a feverish week writing what wound up being a 20,000 word rebuttal studded with what eventually totaled 100+ peer reviewed citations. It got quite a bit of reach and covered ground ranging from effects of testosterone on behavior, the concept of effect size in sex differences, basic statistics, the ways that humans treat people differently based on their perception of gender, intersex trauma, and whether feminists care about men's problems (yeah, actually, and they should).

I released that piece, changed up my name and fannish presence—my long time pseud was tangled all over the piece's genesis—and hunkered down for the reprisals. I expected harassment and vitriol. It never really came: I ignored the comments on the post, after a bit, and I held boundaries on what I was willing to pay attention to. But by and large, I had no direct consequences from the Manosphere.

Perhaps the piece was too long (although I got many comments from people who read it and found it useful, and I included an index). Perhaps it was simply that I included a headshot of myself, with uncharacteristic red lipstick and characteristically buzzed hair, and cheerfully discussed throughout that I was butch and queer: sometimes I confuse people who are very focused on bioessentialist sex differences, because I don't fit their paradigms in the slightest.

About six months later, James Damore attempted to frame his incredibly poor decisions in light of his Asperger's, and I did get a couple dudes on social media presenting me with this information apparently in the hope that it would shock or embarrass me. I immediately pointed out, acerbically, that I'm equally autistic and that he was making us look bad, and they melted away again into the background. It wasn't really the well of terrifying anger and obliterative fury I was expecting.

I find myself reading these stories in Bates' book and thinking about the internet I grew up on: AVEN by 2005, WrongPlanet the same year, listening to people on the margins talk about their fears and hopes and dreams and theories about themselves. I find myself thinking about narratives and meaning, the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and why.

I'm certainly not the first person to worry about radicalization of young autistic people, especially autistic men. Not even close. Paradoxically, it's a group of people for whom an understanding of intersectionality is crucial: young disabled men often alienated deliberately from conceptualizing themselves as disabled, without the tools to understand why life is hard and painful and never seems to reflect their experiences, trying to construct understanding beyond one's singular, isolated defective wrongness—which is what's left, if you take community off the table.

(Have I mentioned how grateful I am that so many autistics are trans spectrum? Imagine if we weren't, and if I didn't have so many transfeminine sisters funneled along those same currents and drifting closely enough alongside to understand. My sisters, so many of whom are out there living and modeling better ways to understand and participate in gender as a social activity: by figuring out what is most comfortable for you, understanding that comfort for one might be agony for another, and taking steps to shape your own life into a fashion that wells forth the most peace and joy. It's a message we all need to hear, but that is a group of people I hear singing so loudly from my place in a different wing of the choir, and I love them for it.)

I don't have answers. As is, so often, the case these days, I have only grief and love, and the determination to build better structures where my own hands reach. I had intended to direct my career, once, to undermining the entire concept of "good genes" models of evolution and explaining how their convoluted connections to natural phenomena are better explained by other, more direct motives. Since 2020, I've been moving in a new direction—but what precisely it is, I'm not sure.

Sex differences is certainly a piece of it, though. Even if I find myself often enough writing that it's not enough to know a sex difference in one species to assume that another will reflect a similar relationship: we should study sex differences in animals, but we really shouldn't assume that humans will have the same ones or work the same way. I suspect this won't be the first time I tangle with that community. I suppose it depends how much authority I can accrue as protection first.

[actually-a-fish]

the best supernatural episodes

according to an autistic person with a special interest and the ability to make a list.

if youre really serious about supernatural spoilers then maybe stay away :)

None of the season one episodes made in on the list but I will give an honorable mention to S1 E2 Wendigo.

S2 E11 Playthings - A classic, creepy girls in a creepy hotel. Special call out to Sam getting SLOPPY

S2 E16 Roadkill - There's a ghost haunting the highway. the Boys help the spirit move on. This is an early example of monster empathy

S2 E18 Hollywood Babylon - Dean loves hollywood. I love dean. this episode makes me kick my feet like a little girl and i will not defend myself.

S2 EP 20 What Was Shall Never Be - all I have in my notes for this one is "Dean Djinn Dream" which was enough for me to remember the episode and get misty eyes. This is SEASON 2 my son will never know peace.

S3 E5 Bedtime Stories -I had to check the wiki on this one, I think i liked it cause it referenced classic fairytales

S3 Ep11 Mystery Spot - "HEAT OF THE MOMENT" RISE AND SHINE SAMMY!

S3 E13 Ghostfacers! - Im a Facer through and through

S3 E16 No Rest for the Wicked - S3 finale and the Boys are facing consequences! Classic Dean, Sam and Bobby episode.

S4 E1 Lazerus Rising - First Cas Episode. That handprint makes me feel things.

S4 E6 Yellow Fever - What if Dean had anxiety (The Eye of the Tiger blooper is also at the end of the episode which gives it bonus points.

S4 E17 Wishful Thinking - Make a wish? was it for your teddy bear to be diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder? Well thats what youre getting!

S4 E17 It's a Terrible Life - Sam ~ the sales rep. Dean ~ middle management.

S4 E18 The Monster at the End of the Book - There are books about Sam and Dean?! Written by this guy who loves self insert character? Surely the entire show isn't about to take a tone shift?

S5 E3 Free to be You and Me - Sam and Dean are fighting again, but this time Dean has a new heavenly boy toy to play with instead. (Cas has no rizz yet it's actually a little painful to watch)

S5 E5 Fallen Idol - Okay the Wax People episode is on here for one reason and one reason only. Paris Hilton.

S5 E7 The Curious Case of Dean Winchester - Old man Dean and old man Bobby. This is also the episode for HH Husk kinnies.

S5 E8 Changing Channels - Dr Sexy MD is that you?!

S5 E9 The Real Ghostbuster - *in a grizzly voice* "I'm Dean Winchester, this is my brother Sam. Have you experienced anything strange?" "Dude that was so good! Now we can go solve the puzzle" "Man you're breaking the immersion!"

S5 E10 Abandon All Hope - This is here for Crowley's first appearance and not because the end will make you cry.

S5 E12 Swap Meat - "uh... its Audi Nos". Freaky Friday starring Sam Winchester! An angsty teen and April Kepner from Grey/Sloan Memorial Hospital.

S5 E16 Dark Side of the Moon - The Boys lives flash before their eyes. Dean is pissed forever about Sams.

S5 E19 Hammer of the Gods - this is for all my pagans out there!

S6 E4 A Weekend at Bobby's - What do you think this episodes about idjit.

S6 E15 The French Mistake -  “For whatever reason, our life is a TV show.” “Why?” “I don't know.” “No, seriously. Why? Why would anybody want to watch our lives?” 

S7 E4 Defending your Life - consequences? for fucking people over? how about you stand trial.

S7 E20 The Girl with the Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo - The self insert character made for us :) Luv u 4ever Charlie XD

S8 E4 Bitten - found footage will always scare. this one reminds me that this show started as a psuedo horror.

S8 E8 hunteri heroci - Cas tries his hand at being a hunter

S8 E12 As Time Goes By - FINALLY THEY ARE CARVING TRAPS INTO BULLETS

S8 E17 Goodbye Stranger - verbatim here are my notes for this episode "Cas chooses Dean, but the way he handles Meg... Fuck Naomi"

S8 E18 Clip Show - If you only want to watch just one episode of Supernatural this should be it. It's not actually a clip show, theres a broment, bonding time with favorite characters and crazy plots that only supernatural could get away with.

S9 E5 Dog Dean Afternoon - Dean is finally a dog person

S9 E11 First Born - Another bro fight leads to shipping <3 SamxCas + DeanxCrowley <3

S9 E15 #thinman - the slender episode feat. GHOSTFACERS. You come away from this episode thinking "supernatural is so fucking gay why wont the boys kiss"

S9 E21 King of the Damned - my favorite crowley era change my mind. Also the way the Boys interrogate an angel is so funny

S10 E5 Fan Fiction - I would unironically fuck w a supernatural musical and if helluva/hazbin taught me anything the rest of you would too

S10 E6 Ask Jeeves - The Clue episode. (Pay attention to the improvised weapons Dean chooses. It brings me joy)

S10 E9 The Things we Left Behind - Cas is suffering a midlife crisis and his besties are there to help him repair his relationship with his daughter. Funnily enough, Crowley is also getting some family bonding in.

Okay, I'm all caught up on my list. Should I have stayed up late transcribing this with an 8am class tommarow?

Probably not but it did bring me great joy. Tell me your favorite episode! I'll continue to add to my list as I continue my rewatch :)

[drdemonprince]

Autistic friend anon here — thank you so much for your answer and the substack post. I was kind of stuck in the “rejection” feeling of “wait but if being autistic isn’t a bad thing then why are you so upset at the idea that YOU might be autistic”. I took it really personally and wasn’t really thinking about how much it sucks when someone acts like they know you better than you do. I’ll have to keep working through that.

I also often get stuck in the idea that “well if someone had just TOLD ME I was queer/trans/autistic then I could have figured it out sooner and life would be better” or whatever. But after many years of being out as queer/trans, I think that isn’t actually true and even if it is, I don’t interact with other possibly queer/trans people by “diagnosing” them with queerness/transness any more. In my head it seemed like autism was different for some reason, but of course it is not.

Anyway, your answer was really thoughtful and diplomatic, while also being very clear about what is bad behavior on my part. It is genuinely going to be a big benefit in my life.

Hey, nice to hear from you again!

I totally feel you. When I told a friend years ago that I thought she might be a BPDer, I was incensed that she ended up not taking that comment well. I meant it in an affirming, pro-Mad-Pride kinda way! I was a BPDer too! if she thought it was bad to be BPD, what did that mean she thought about me?

But I was looking at it the wrong way. I had just hurled a still very stigmatized label in her direction as a response to her complaining about real relational struggles in her life, which felt diminishing and presumptive. Telling various people in my life that I'm pretty sure they're Autistic can have a similar effect, even if they're on board Autism acceptance as an idea.

I used to fixate on the time I lost not realizing I was trans or queer or whatever the fuck I am yet. I had a vision of an older me materializing before me at age 16, specifically on the corn-lined roads I used to bike up and down furiously, and imagined telling myself the Truth of who I was and what I had to do to be happy. I believed that if i had known I was trans younger I would have avoided a lot of upsetting relationships, eating disordered periods, and general angst.

Now. I am pretty damn sure that is not true. It turns out that being trans was not a solution to all my problems, it was just another problem that I had. In the sense that it's a challenge to navigate on this bitch of an earth. if i hadn't chosen to be trans i would have chosen some other shit to do that also would have been a major pain in the ass i'm sure. that too would have been an interesting back story.

I dont think I was ever going to be outgoing and unneurotic and breezily well adjusted. That's not my lot in life. Feeling a little uncomfortable in my body and around other people is as definitional a part of me as my wit or my weird laugh. I can kinda love that about myself now, or at least accept it. nothing and nobody actually could have saved me. its just not that simple. but it's been a pretty interesting life.

i think we tend to impose our self-narratives onto other people when we are not happy or we are harboring deep regrets about having gotten something wrong or missed something in the past. but we cant spare our friends those journeys. they should get to have them. it's interesting and enriching to get things wrong, be in denial, cope in elaborate stupid ways, soul search, change our minds, miss something, find something, never know what's true.

[anistarrose]

So I have only my two cents to give on the "curing disabilities in fantasy/sci-fi stories" trope, as just one disabled person among many disabled people, but here are my two cents nonetheless.

One defense of the trope is that it's simply a form of escapism, and moreover, a fantasy that disabled people themselves can quite reasonably find joy in — as a feel-good story, a break from all the pain of real life. Many — not all by a long shot, but many — of us would jump at the chance for a cure, after all, and it's not like we're not valid to do so. Lots of us take pride in being disabled, but nevertheless, sometimes it really fucking sucks.

The counterargument to the above is this: that this isn't a realistic trope, and that particularly in combination with the suffocating frequency that this trope is used, this becomes the opposite of a hopeful fantasy. When you have an incurable condition, and the only happy endings you see represented for people like you in fiction are inevitably only achieved once the characters stop being like you — that can be indescribably upsetting.

Disabled characters do not get happy endings while remaining disabled — and fiction is fiction and all, but I'm not going to pretend like this doesn't have gradual, accumulative real-life effects on the amount of effort people/society are willing to put into accessibility and acceptance, because of beliefs like "aren't you going to be cured someday anyway?" Or "isn't this disability just going to stop existing, someday? one way or another?"

I hope I don't have to explain how damaging it is to think the above way, or to imagine a future where disability doesn't exist. (Yes, even though disability is partially socially constructed. That's a load-bearing "partially".)

So, if you couldn't tell, I do generally relate a lot more to the harsher, more critical view of this trope — but I certainly don't want to judge actual disabled people for writing it either (and especially not people with progressive conditions), not when there is genuine catharsis and escapist joy that can be wrung from it. I obviously don't trust non-disabled folks with writing "cure" stories any further than I could throw them, due to a long fucking history of non-disabled people fucking it up — but also, no one should be forced to reveal personal details, let alone medical history, to justify their choice to write something.

This is the paradox that I am willing to come to terms with, by throwing up my hands and saying, "okay, so some of the time I sure don't like it, but it's technically none of my business."

That said: if you're non-disabled, or you're writing about a disability much different from your own (a physical disability when you're autistic, for example), and you want to write an escapist feel-good story featuring disabled characters: I also want to stress that "escapist themes" versus "no one's disability gets cured ever" is very much a false binary. You can have both.

I've never written a "curing a disability" story. But I've both written and enjoyed some extremely escapist, unashamedly hopeful stories revolving around disabled characters — and it's all about accommodation.

A story of any genre where society is more accepting of — and willing to collectively help care for — chronic illnesses and chronic pain? That's escapist, and if it's something that characters once fought tooth and nail for, it's pretty damn cathartic. A fantasy or sci-fi story where medicines are still required to treat a condition, but the medicines are more accessible, more effective, et cetera, may also be escapist depending on the context.

Fantasy service animals, high-tech service robots, magical or indistinguishable-from-magic mobility devices? They're all possibly escapist too. (Just note that a lot of disabled people may still maintain a personal preference for seeing the "real world" versions, and that's that's also perfectly reasonable. Remember that the gripe with the original trope has a lot to do with a lack of variety in representation, justified by arbitrary rules about how fantasy/sci-fi "should" look, and the goal should be not to replicate that.)

So, in conclusion: if you find yourself writing a disabled character, and want to give them a happy ending, I urge you not to jump to "their disability is cured now" without at least thinking through the alternatives. Do your research regardless, and accept that disabled people will likely have a wide range of opinions on whatever you decide to go with — but accept that disabilities themselves are varied, and should not inherently have to consign either characters or real human beings to tragic lives by their mere existence.