#I think about the sugar -> to you parallel a lot but I was listening to calendar and suddenly felt the light go on in my head

[hum--hallelujah]

Sugar, We're Goin' Down (2005) // to you (unfinished, off the top of my head) (2008) // P!atD, The Calendar (2011)

[auspicioustidings]

Devil's Trumpet

AKA the Appalachian horror brain worms would not leave me alone

Summary: You move to small town West Virginia to get your head on straight but the men in the woods start unravelling you instead.

Words: 3.5k

CWs: mild horror, vague reference to mental illness

This is best read while listening to some Southern gothic tunes 🎶 I suggest Big Dark Love by Murder by Death!

Colour leeched out of the world here. There is something almost comforting about that, something familiar. Familiar too is the way this town moves like syrup too thick to be pleasant in your mouth. It was how you moved though the world once. Not anymore though, no, now your mind is your own and not an invading force. Now you can appreciate the drab slowness as something external to yourself, just an environment around you and not a prison closing in inside your head.

There wasn’t much of a plan really. A will reading that left you with not a lot, but enough to get the hell out. Signing with a fountain pen that made your skin crawl with how it scratched. A stiff drink and a dart thrown at a map and tearing a ragged hole in the Greenbrier River as the sharp point didn’t quite sink far enough into the board and tore its way through the paper on the way down. You were never any good at darts.

You aren’t putting down roots. Those were for old growth, not for hardy weeds that broke through concrete and always found another crack through which to grow when killed. Nothing that felt too much like a home, so instead a room at the only inn.

This town is too small to warrant one, but it doubles as a watering hole come evening. It doesn’t seem to have been updated in an age, you wonder idly if the plaque upkept to a gleaming shine declaring the inn to have been opened in 1824 is somehow conveying pride at the fact. The peeling wallpaper in your room was probably pretty once, but the green now seems sick with age and the delicate floral pattern has started to wilt.

There is no routine to your days here until one slowly creeps in as it always does.

Breakfast first. You don’t know if it’s something in the air here, but you wake up with a bitter taste in your mouth and are eager to drown it in food and mint toothpaste. The inn has a small kitchenette for guest use and you make yourself toast with butter and strawberry jam. It’s a little too sweet but the tea helps, black with no sugar.

You stretch out the back of the inn and enjoy the view of the woods. You don’t call it yoga because it makes you less likely to do it, but you had learned when things were bad that quietly engaging your body in the morning was a good way to quiet your mind. There’s a little tension in the back of your neck you try to work out but it sticks there until you finish up and go back inside to shower. The hot water fixes it you think.

The first few weeks here you just sit and watch the world go by, but then you one day you decide to get up and spend some time wandering the town. It’s small, decrepit. There is the inn, a few sparse houses, one general store. The library, despite being the only venue with any chance of entertainment, is usually empty. You meet Mrs Lela Kaletaws who runs it, although she isn’t always around.

Roads here are barely holding together, but the one main road that runs out of town is at least in somewhat better condition. It runs parallel with the woods at one point, curving off just past old Mr Kleer's house. The man in question usually sits on his porch but he’s friendly enough so you don’t pay much mind to the gun.

After you’ve wandered town you make sandwiches for lunch. It isn’t much exciting, but it is routine and is filling enough that you bunker down for a nap after.

In the afternoon you go for a long walk before returning to the inn for dinner. There is a bar downstairs that opens in the evenings and serves food that while not a delicacy by any means is hot and filling. You retire to your room, read some of your book and go to sleep.

It continues that way. Breakfast, stretch, shower, wander, lunch, sleep, walk, dinner, read, sleep.

At first you only really skirt the edge of the woods, but with each passing dreary day you venture closer to the depths down the packed dirt path. The path through the woods is confusing and unmarked. Where you swore just yesterday it went to the right, today it goes to the left. Even so it must be your sense of direction, because the path always leads you past the jimsonweeds that come up to you chest before spitting you out on the road that leads to old Mr Kleer's house. The flowers are beautiful, but there is some metallic tang to their otherwise sweet scent that causes your teeth to ache.

—

More comfortable with the area now, it causes a fright when you see a man in the woods just in the corner of your eye only to snap your head around and have him vanish. You force calming breathes and keep walking. There is no such thing as ghosts in these woods.

Old man Axell calls to you from his porch as you pass, rifle butt settled on the rickety wood that you worry will collapse and left leg stretched straight out towards you like reaching for something.

“Seeing things in the woods kid?”

“I look spooked sir?”

“Like you’ve seen a Ghost I reckon.”

You give a shaky laugh at that.

“Only if ghosts come in flesh and blood and quick feet. Some man gave me a fright is all.”

“Must be out of towners” Axell says.

You do not like the way he says it. You do not like that he looks at you strangely. But you smile and nod and get on your way. He is only an old man.

—

There is someone in the woods. You feel his gaze on you, feel the dull prickle that rests on your nape from those eyes.

“We really must stop meeting like this” you say.

You have stopped trying to catch him. Now you only speak, eyes set on the dirt path in front of you. You do not think you will get a reply and when you do you shudder horribly at how much closer the voice is than you had anticipated.

“Don’t enjoy the company?”

He’s English and you frown. Out of towner. The old man must know something, but maybe you cannot begrudge him having fun at your expense. You have not made friends here.

“Enjoy company where I can see it if it’s all the same to you.”

The man laughs. It is a confusing laugh, warm and cold all at once as it bounces through the trees.

“Careful what you wish for.”

You resist the urge to turn even as his voice moves strangely, like he is swaying from one side of the path to the other.

“Must have a face like sin to keep hiding away” you say.

The next words you can feel. His breath is right at your cheek, a strand of your hair lifted by his fingers.

“Quite the opposite.”

Your heart is a prey animal running from a predator, beating wildly against your ribs as you turn to find he isn’t there. Only you certainly felt him. He leaves a sweet smell behind.

—

Sleep does not come easily that night. The rain against your window casts the moonlight strangely into your room. You spend hours watching as the creeping vines on the wallpaper seem to twist and shift beneath the moon flowers. When you finally fall asleep, it is almost as if you can smell them. Sweet and slightly metallic.

You wake up with the fading scent of damp earth and something on the edge of rot in your nose and the feel of dirt packed uncomfortably under your nails. They’re clean you find, but you spend the start of the morning cutting them down once you see the fading scratches left on your arms and legs through the night.

—

He is not the only stranger in the woods. You swore you would not go back, but routine takes you there without thought.

The Scottish man likes to walk on your right hand side, just enough steps behind you that you can only see him at the very side of your vision. You think he is handsome, but it is difficult to be sure. What you can be sure of is that he is dressed oddly. You have spoken to him for a while now, discussing yourself mostly. Perhaps it is the eerie quiet of the woods that makes you want to fill the dead space, but you tell him more about yourself than you ever would have thought yourself comfortable with.

“Are you a soldier then?” you ask.

“Sometimes, I think.”

You take a moment to chew that answer, wonder at the taste of it. There is a panic when you smell blood on the air, but it is quickly blanketed by sweetness. You have reached the jimsonweeds. It is too early, you have not walked far enough to be here already. But before you can protest the steps to your right stop and you know the man is gone.

None of them ever come farther than this.

—

You try the next day and the next to get answers from him. He seems to make a decision at one point just as the familiar smell reaches you and you think you will leave with no more information than you had before.

“I’m SAS.”

He is not there when you turn to thank him. He is not there at all when you return the next day.

—

The library run by Mrs Kaletaws is added to your routine. Breakfast, stretch, shower, library, lunch, try to sleep, walk, dinner, read, try to sleep. The small building has the peculiar addition of a cat you never quite see. You hear the skitter of claws on worn wood floor that has started to smell of sickly sweet rot, see fading scratches on the legs and arms of the chair, find hairs on your clothing, feel the prickle of eyes focused on you from the dark running up your spine to settle dully on the back of your neck. You have tried before to get a glimpse of the creature, but it only seems to exist in the very corner of your eye and retreats when your gaze tries to creep around to catch it.

Lela never talks about the cat. She told you once that it is only her and her wife that live in the basement below the library. You have never seen her wife and fear she must have some permanent sickness that stops her from being able to do much. You think they should move above ground so she can at least see the world through the windows obscured by racing raindrops, but you keep it to yourself.

The one computer here is old, the white plastic exterior now yellowed. Still, it is the only gateway to the outside world in this little town and you blow at your tea while waiting for your search results. ‘SAS military bases in West Virginia’ is a shot in the dark, but you need to start somewhere. After a sip you dump more sugar into your cup before looking at your finally loaded results.

There are none. No British military installations at all in the USA. You had hoped at least the results would bring up something about training exercises but it is just pages of useless information about bases around the world. You read about the SAS, fall down a rabbit hole of how they torture their soldiers to train them to withstand it. You go through pages and pages of search results until finally one talks about SAS soldiers in this area.

The link takes you to a dusty website that stopped being updated sometime in the late 90s. It’s some sort of conspiracy blog and you are prepared to close it, but you can’t help but get lost in the story it tells.

The details are unclear which you suppose is the hallmark of any good conspiracy. 40 years ago. There was a team of two, or maybe four or maybe seven. They set up just outside the woods with little to no explanation. There’s an interview from a local, not a name you recognise so one you think is likely long dead. She says two of the soldiers went into the woods first. She remembers something bad must have happened, because there was an argument between the five left outside. Nobody was allowed close, but she watched two more men go into the woods. After that the operation seemed to vanish entirely overnight and nobody heard anything more about it.

Whoever authored the blog has a gift with words because despite your logical mind knowing it was probably nothing but a random training exercise, the hairs on the back of your neck raise.

There is a photo of the alleged unit at the end loading slowly. You stare in fascination as line by line appears from the top. The world stops before it fully loads. At first you are confused as to why your whole body is tense, why your heart is racing. And then you figure it out. Silence. Complete and all together sudden silence. No rain hitting the windows, no scratching of the cat echoing, not even the whir of the computer.

You do not want to look away from the screen. You do not want to turn around. The prickle on your neck goes from dull to sharp.

The computer powers down.

—

He says to call him John. This man does not walk to your right like the Scottish one, or behind you like the first one you met. He walks in front of you. You can see the full expanse of his back clad in a vest. He wears a hat. He only ever turns slightly, enough to see that he has sideburns but never enough to see his face.

You are so enraptured by being able to see so much of him so clearly that it takes you a while to notice there is someone on your left. A few steps behind like the Scottish one does on your right. It takes you by surprise enough that you are about to forget the unspoken rules and turn, but John predicts your move.

“Eyes forward.”

“Sorry” you say automatically, fixing you eyes to his back and letting the other man stay as the impression of a creature just in sight of your left eye.

“They’re pretty, Captain.”

“I’m aware.”

It should not make you blush but somehow it does.

“What’s you name?” you ask.

There is no way to direct it specifically to the man on your left, so you simple direct it to the back of John and hope that the trees will send it where it needs to go.

“Captain?” the man asks, not for permission but as if genuinely unsure of the answer.

“Kyle, your name’s Kyle.”

“Right. Kyle.”

You catch the movement of him touching his chest, maybe rubbing at a name tag there but you can’t be sure.

“You can call me Gaz if you like.”

John and Gaz are your company for weeks. Whenever you ask after the other two, the air turns sweet and bloody and you are left alone among the jimsonweeds.

—

“Got intae trouble for ye.”

You’re not sure where you are but you recognise the voice. Is he in your room?

“We both did. Curiosity would’ve killed you little kitten,” comes the other voice from the first man in the woods somewhere behind you.

You hazily look down at yourself. You are not in the bed at the inn, you are in another bed laid on your back. You feel your legs brush against one another, not clad in the flannel you remembered wearing. Silk, you are wearing silk. Delicate against your skin, not much of it. Were you wearing perfume? Something smells sweet.

As you stare at the bare expanse of your leg a hand sinks into your thigh, squeezes.

“Fuck LT, so soft. Fingers just sink right in.”

You fight the urge to look to the right where the hand is coming from. You can’t look, some primal part of your brain knows you cannot look.

“Stay away from the woods” the man behind you whispers into your ear like a caress as his hands settle gently around your neck.

You do not feel the snap of bone, but you hear it. You taste the blood in your mouth.

You do not manage to fall back asleep when you wake.

—

Breakfast, library, try to sleep, don’t go into the woods, dinner, try to sleep, stare at the wallpaper, try to sleep.

—

You overhear Axell and Lela once. You think they are talking about you.

“You think we’re doing the right thing?” Axell asks.

“I don’t think there is a right thing anymore.”

“It’s been a long time now. Maybe we should let them go.”

“You think we could?”

There is a silence. Neither of them thinks so. Paranoia settles over you that you haven’t felt since back when things got bad. It’s like an old vice settling into your bones, or maybe seeping out of them as if it never truly left. You cannot go back to that place again so you take some aspirin for the rhythmic pulsing behind your eyes and the dull prickle at the back of your neck and resolve to put any thoughts of conspiracy out of your mind. Lela and Axell are simply old, there is not something they know that you do not.

—

You do not mean to walk into the woods again. The man behind you is back. He feels different somehow.

“I could eat you right up” he says against your neck.

Old Mr Kleer sees the bloodied bite at your throat and says nothing as you walk by.

—

You book a bus ticket. It feels too much like there are tendrils growing from you to burrow into the ground, to fix you here. If you don’t rip them out now, it is only a matter of time until the roots are so deep you won’t be strong enough to move. You aren’t eating properly, you’ve hardly slept and when you do you wake up with a bitter taste in your mouth and covered in scratches. There is still the shape of a bite on your throat and the B&B owners in Pennsylvania look at you with pity as you check in.

The building is charming and fairly new. You stare at the neutral pink wallpaper. One corner of it has lifted ever so slightly. You fall asleep staring at the peek of green underneath.

—

It doesn’t rain as much here, the sun is out and everything seems more colourful. Weeks pass in a haze and you slowly emerge again, eating properly, sleeping through the night. The town on the Greenbrier starts to fade to an unpleasant dream.

—

There is something comforting about the old man who comes to stay and sits by you for breakfast in the mornings. He has the remnants of a Russian accent and laughs frequently and easily. The stories he tells are fantastical, but he’s non-committal about his visit to small town Pennsylvania although he at least tells you that he likes the nature around here. He whispers that his legs aren’t up for much walking anymore, so he has to take the easy paths through small patches of nature.

It takes a week or so more to work up the courage to accompany him on a walk. It seems silly, but the woods make you feel afraid. Maybe a short walk through the small area he spoke of will help you get beyond it. You rub at your neck, feeling the marks faded but still there.

—

He notices your discomfort and tries to ease it with his stories as you walk the dirt path.

“It’s the most important thing I’ve learned you know” he says, the aching grief in his voice causing you pause, “you cannot leave friends behind.”

You turn to him, intending to ask how much longer the path leads since it is getting dark now. He is not there.

“Nik?” you ask, calm at first but increasingly more frantic.

That old familiar dull prickle settles on the back of your neck as you run back down the way you came to get out of the woods. Drooping tree limbs get in your way and you push through, ignoring the scratches. As darkness falls you slow to a walk, unable to see anything in front of you. You catch the smell the sweetness of the jimsonweeds. You can smell blood.

Foot steps that are not your own surround you. A set in front of you. One behind. To the left and to the right.

“Welcome home.”

[andeptus]

I NEED MORE DN FIC RECOMENDATIONS PLEASE IM STARVING AND YOUR TASTE IS ELITE

God i love recommending fanfics !!! Here are a few of my favourites, under the cut... Apologies they're all Lawlight.

white chocolate roses by ruruka:

Light is a cardiologist and L is his terminally ill patient... Light being a cardiologist fits him so well as a parallel to who he is in. yk. canon.

incredibly beautiful story with an amazing writing style

it's also so funny at times, i'd catch myself giggling

it's my fav Lawlight fanfic. Ever.

Time Speaks by aSmallMoon333:

the plot is the work of a genius

the writing is amazing and overall it's a really beautiful and well thought out story

one of my favourite Lawlight fanfics too. i've drawn fanart of it + a few doodles here and there, i think it really inspires you...

Nights by youremyqueen:

I actually haven't finished reading this one but i've read other works from the author and they never disappoint me !!

i downloaded this one and have been annotating it, it's amazing

it's my friend's favourite Lawlight fanfic and i value her taste a lot so i know what i'm talking about !!

Fingertips by MasterAlgae:

i'm a sucker for whump sorry. Alway have been and will always be...

I followed it while it was still updating and my day was always better when i would receive that silly little email

i loved loved it. One of my favourite Lawlight fanfics...

Angst pain whump... but oh the fluff is good

it also has a sequel !!

You Don't Need to Say It (I Already Know) by vodka_auntle:

Have i mentioned i'm a big fan of whump because i am...

sickfic... i love sickfics so so much

Especially when my fav blorbo is the one who's sick. Yes. suffer, L. Suffer...

it's so domestic and fluffy and arghh i can't get enough of it. I've reread it so many times, it's such a comfort...

sugar and pumpkin spice:

Ok. listen. I'm not a huge fan of coffee shop AUs, but this one - this one is an exception...

someone sent it to me after i finished white chocolate roses and it was a blessing

it's cute and it can cheer you up and it's comforting and... Yeah !!

Light Yagami dinner party by LycanCoffee:

Very creative and philosophical

very character analysis-esque

i have reread it a ton of times actually. It's really good... very underrated too !!

Sinking down by rosade:

character analysis on L throughout the Kira case

it's canon divergent so not entirely accurate to how the story went, naturally

it's a great read !!

A Sugary Hypothesis by Zara_Zara:

So funny and unserious i loved it

i still think about it. At least weekly...

Thank you for this ask !! I obviously have a ton other fanfics i'd like to recommend but we'd be here the whole day...

[thalunalovegood]

Two sides, same coin

It's day 2 of Gwynriel week @gwynrielweeksofficial

Today it's about complementary, and I think Az and Gwyn really complement each other, and one of the parallels that I really like is the siphons and her invoke stone.

Gwyn says the Invoke Stone can be used to heal and protection, whereas we know that the Illyrians Siphons were made to filter the magic into something to harm, the Invoke Stone and the Siphons are the opposite and they complement each other, can you imagine this in a battle field? Or during a mission? for me it's clearly that the both itens can be connected, and can be used together, one to attack one to defender.

[Not sure if the siphons can be "borrowed" or the Invoke Stone, but I think it would be interesting to see Gwyn use the siphon and Az the invoke stone.]

I also think that Gywn is really curious and she verbalize her questions, and Az is more the type that don't speak, unless it's necessary, so this another way they can complement their personalities, I imagine will be something like this:

They during a mission, waiting and waiting, and Gwyn whispering a lot of things, cause she can be loud and bring attention, and Az just listening to her, with a soft smile.

We know they are both competitive, and even though this may not look like something to complement, cause isn't the opposite, it is. A lot of thing that are opposite have their complement, like sun and moon, day and night, salt and sugar, but their competitiveness will complement each other.

They will be able to create strategics together.

They will love to hear each others stories about their winnings.

They will be living challenging themselves.

Another thing is, they ara both strategists.

How will this complement them? Like I said, they can work together on some strategics, I can see Gwyn become a spy too, so I think they will spying together, and they will work like a symphony in harmony.

Last, but not least, admiration, you can be with someone that you don't admire or you trust.

We know that Gwyn trusts Azriel, and we know that he admires her, and trust her abilities, so they will be able to complement each other in a lot of ways, and helping each other to heal.

Gwyn and Az are the perfect complement to each other, their opposites are a perfect match, and their similarities bring the best of them.

That's it, can wait to see more of them!

[adamsacklerdriver]

i’m just thinking about the friends and family (soft opening of the bear) parallels to the christmas dinner (fishes) and how they all relate to richard ‘cousin richie’ jerimovich aka the unofficial “bear” in the ‘berzatto’ clan

uncle jimmy chocolate banana. years ago at the christmas dinner talking about the memory with his father. richie remembering and serving it as desert for him at the bear.

carmy making homemade sprite for tiffany (richie’s wife at the time). sydney’s father with his soda because he doesn’t drink and richie knew that because sydney told him.

this is a lot more on the nose but the forks.

richie is sent to stage by carmy he polishes forks for a while goes there to learn something

carmy is wrong about how many forks they needed at the restaurant he didn't listen to sugar + everyone when he was off on his counts he probably could have asked richie about how many forks i mean he polished so many counting them at one point he new a better ballpark for the amount needed

and in fishes mikey throws those forks specifically that last fork landing at the cannoli and the one at the uncles head

cousin calling carmy donna because he sabotaged the night. similarly to how mikie was but ultimately what was remembered was donna crashing her car into the house, which carmy metaphorically did by creating by creating a hole in the kitchen with his negligence. as well as disrespecting claire by making her cry.

also repeating “i love you” to carmy after he was called a “leech” to the family (berzatto’s)

he repeats i love you expecting to hear it back the way mikie and donna gave carmy shit about not saying it. carmy hates being confronted with his emotions especially when there’s tension

[prairietrashdotcom]

eee i got tagged to do a tag game by @mrcrepsley thank you :)

im tagging: @stitchedgrave @laceandgore @r0ttdweller @cherubgore @cannibaldotcom @unfading-scrutiny but if you've already been tagged in this one or dont feel like it its cool. n if i didnt tag u please do it if you want to also.

Do you make your bed? if by make you mean pull down the duvet so it can air out, then yes. dont worry about why that is.

What's your favorite number? 3, 9, 13, 27

What is your job? i have been a sporadically employed hermit for the last four years :( i am starting college again next week though (media focused program) and theres a lot of production-like activity where i live so hopefully in the future that works out.

If you could go back to school, would you? See above, but i do sometimes wish i could go back to my uni in canada, but only if i was single so i could at least try n fuck my history prof at least once

Can you parallel park? no :(

A job you had that would surprise people? i have no idea how i am perceived on here so i dont know if it would surprise people that i've ghostwritten a book and worked as an actor in a haunted house. those were probably the least surprising answers but other than that its just bartending and baking.

Do you think aliens are real? duh.

Can you drive a manual car? i cannot drive any car but im working on it, although public transport here is just decent enough that it isnt, like, urgent.

What's your guilty pleasure? i honestly feel less ashamed of my various sexual proclivities than i do about living for TLC's Sister Wives. watching that chode get left in the dust not once, not twice, but thrice was especially delicious.

Tattoos? i have four. both of the ones on my right arm are bird themed but that was unintentional. theres a little bird on my forearm from The Garden of Earthly Delights' middle panel, and then a lawn flamingo on my right shoulder. the lawn flamingo is heavily associated in Winnipeg culture with the Transcona neighbourhood, where my mom's from and where i lived for a few years. everyone else in Winnipeg clowns on Transcona for being white trash, which is not technically incorrect but its my favourite place. On my left wrist ive got a hand with an eye in it, and then a crescent moon surrounded by clouds on my left shoulder.

Favorite color? pink, black, light blues, ive been really into brown this year.

Favorite type of music? i love music in general, any type can be good as long as the people making it care about it but 80s alternative/new wave/punk will always hit so so good for me. and vintage or alternative country. and 90s alt.

Do you like puzzles? i love doing the nyt puzzles stoned every night but i will die before i give them any money to play them.

Any phobias? someone with prior knowledge of my phobias using them to torture me

Favorite childhood sport? i did kickboxing in my teens for a lil bit n it was really fun :)

Do you talk to yourself? chronically, but only out loud if im home alone or out in public alone.

What movies do you adore? to the surprise of no one; horror, especially trashy b-horror/horror comedy. also whatever The Butcher Boy (1997) dir. Neil Jordan (i will never stop evangelizing this movie please watch it sinead o'connor plays the virgin mary) is.

Coffee or Tea? coffee 100%. i live in tea country however. sometimes its nice but objectively the 'tea' people are talking about here (Barrys vs Lyons) tastes like a hot wet paper bag unless you put 3 teaspoons of sugar in it.

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up? either a palaeontologist or a goth, its hard to tell which came first. ironically my mom was much more supportive of my desire to be goth. this is the cognitive dissonance that came with being an early 2000s evangelical christian who listens to Rob Zombie and Evanescence. she eventually relaxed about jesus.

[seaofdaydreams]

✨Unsolicited Lore Dump✨

I was tagged by @wilteddreamsofbaldursgate! Thank you!😊

Do you make your bed? Only when people come over lol

Favorite number? 3 is a magic number 🎶

If you could go back to school would you? High school was a pretty decent time for me but I don't know that I want to go back. I'd love to get more studio art schooling though. The more I learn the more I realize I don't know. 🥲

Can you parallel park? Only when the stars align just right. 🤣

Do you think aliens are real? Probably? I don't spend a lot of time thinking about this.

Can you drive a manual car? No.

What’s your guilty pleasure? I don't know that I feel guilty about it but most people probably don't know that I like listening to Rotten Mango Podcast while doing chores.

Tattoos? I like looking at other peoples' but I don't want any. I don't like the permanency and fear that I might not like anything I get after a few years pass.

Favorite color? Puuuuurple~!! If we want to get even more specific than that, Lilac.

Favorite types of music? "Anything that makes the brain go brrr" Same. I think I tend to lean towards pop and rock though.

Do you like puzzles? Depends on the puzzle and whether I have the luxury of time to complete it.

Any phobias? All spiders except jumping spiders give me the ick especially after hearing about and seeing the impact of a recluse spider bite on my middle school science teacher.

Favorite childhood sport? It's a tie between swimming and badminton

Do you talk to yourself? Yes.

What movies do you adore? A couple movies that I love are Nezha, Belle and Princess Mononoke.

Coffee or tea? I drink both with copious amounts of milk and sugar so I'm not sure I'm allowed to say I actually like both, haha

First thing you wanted to be growing up? A manga-ka/animator

I've seen a lot of people do this already; I'm not sure who's left so apologies if I tagged you and you already did it, haha. Likewise, if you've haven't been tagged and want to do it, please do!

@pinkberrytea, @warbwarts, @tallymonster, @just-a-refrigerator

[crumchycow]

a get to know you better meme

thanks for the tag @thestrangeillusion

do you make your bed?

Nope never, if something doesn't need to be tidied it will not be tidied, have left a bucket in the middle of my room for 9 months because of this.

what's your favourite number?

Don't have one

what is your job?

Currently just a student I kinda need to get a job but studying and working is a lot for me and acquiring a job is annoying and hard so uethggghhhh

If you could go back to school would you?

Um will I continue studying? Maybe....

can you parallel park?

No

a job you had that would surprise people?

None? Probably the most interesting way I have earned money is the only commission I've ever had, which was my mum commissioning me for her work (kindergarten) because they needed 30 little icon drawings that each kid has at like their bag hook and on their stuff to identify them, she didn't like the person who used to do it because they were weird about it for some reason and the designs were kinda cluttered and ugly so my mum was like my child can draw? Yes! and this way I can be really fussy and specific with it.

(dw she paid me quite well)

do you think aliens are real?

In the sense of any life existing outside of earth? yes 100% would be weird if there isn't. In the sense of complex or intelligent life? probably. In the sense of there are human equivalent creatures that have achieved space travel and are equally or more technologically advanced than us, unlikely but possible. Just thinking about how much time life has existed without humans and how long humans have existed before any ideas of space exploration and the very specific technologies and discoveries that were necessary for space exploration I wouldn't be surprised if we are the only ones. Also just like how incredibly difficult space travel beyond our solar system is I think it's unlikely we will truly know or make contact.

can you drive a manual car?

No :) do not care to learn. fuck cars and driving is boring i only learn to drive because its kinda necessary where i live :( get me good public transport government please

what's your guilty pleasure?

im guilty about alot things like drinking milk, eating too much sugar, spending too much money, doing literally anything i will find a way to feel guilty about it but thats just my general state of being since i was a child and i mostly ignore it or work around it.

I guess in the more traditional sense of things i like that are embarrassing and i wouldnt want people to know, it would be reading fucked up smut. Particularly my fondness for incest ships? Don't know why I suspect it is the codependency. but yeah umm...

Tattoos?

Not yet but I wanna get a spider (not decided which) on my back soon.

favourite colour?

Peach

favourite type of music?

Um I mostly listen to kpop because uh autism? idk, but I genuinely like a lot of music. Some of my favourite music is like objectively awful and difficult to listen to, I think I often like music that is complex and has lots of things.

Some of my favourite artists trying to include multiple genres I like:

Mamamoo

Stray Kids

Taemin

F.T. island

Jeff Satur

S3rl

Enaria

Chopin (I'm learning one of his preludes atm it's v pretty)

Vivaldi

BabyBeard

GHOST (vocaloid producer)

also gregorian chants slap (not christian, vocal harmonies just make me feral)

do you like puzzles?

Yes! I just recently was like y'know what I haven't done in years but suddenly really need to do:

But also just generally like I LOVE maths and figuring out things and patterns and stuff so fun.

any phobias?

Nope

favourite childhood sport?

Um not that into sport, I guess I wanted to play netball when I was like 8 (but that might've just been because that's the thing you do) but I missed the trial periods 2 years in a row but kinda glad I didn't I know multiple people with permanent injuries from playing netball as a kid/teen and my joints are not the most functional in the first place. Do still enjoy playing casually every now and then.

do you talk to yourself?

Yes my favourite hobby, I have the best conversations with myself, will stay up for hours just talking to myself. Also great for preparing for real conversations. I love it when a topic I fully thought about and talked to myself comes up in conversation and it's like fuck yeah gonna ace this one.

what movie(s) do you adore?

Hmmm not the biggest fan of movie as a story format but uh have seen how to train your dragon at least 20 times and I need to watch it again sometime soon, been craving that animal/human enemies to deep emotional connection best buds.

coffee or tea?

Love coffee, but over half of my daily water consumption is through tea (usually multiple kinds)

Would be less alive without tea also its just like so diverse, green tea!black tea! rooibos! masala chai! rosehip! liquorice! peppermint..... camomile! and so much more with sugar! with milk! with honey! or lemon! hot! cold! literally my favourite, shoutout to whoever invented plant in water. Also soup different kind of plant in water but still absolutely banging humans peaked at plant in water best things invented.

and caffeine doesn't affect me like at all? so i only drink these things for taste.

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

Idk the first but I know at some stage I wanted to be an author or a marine biologist (why is this so common who put it in our heads? Actually maybe David Attenborough....) probably the first was an animal or something

egh its rambly and may not make sense but whatever, also revealing any information about myself on the internet scares me even though literally nobody could do anything with this information like guys pls dont dox me through knowing my mum is a kindergarten teacher

tagging @gaylittlepieceofsh1t @mousydentist @mr-bazongos @wildelydawn @thestarscanalwayslookatus @fiddlepickdouglas @ae-azile and any one who wants to, no pressure tho <333

[wickershells]

ask game: tagged by @inniave 🤍 thank you!!!

do you make your bed: most days, though I'm not really neat w it. just an each corner to its respective corner kind of deal

what’s your favorite number: have a fondness for 27, and anything with 3s

current job: writerrr (unemployed) (someone very graciously corrected me one time with "self-employed", which was nice, if false)

if you could go back to school, would you: yes! I would love to study with actual routine motivators, like other people, though honestly I don't think I'm built for academia. probably would end the same way it already ended

can you parallel park: not beating the tumblr users can't drive allegations on this one, unfortunately

a job you had that would surprise people: I was an assistant dog groomer for like a week. once we had a dog so so tiny (genetic mutation; it was an adult) we couldn't even use the dryer on it, I had to swathe it and hold it in my arms like a baby

do you think aliens are real: smaller organisms, yes; and organisms that perhaps went extinct, or civilisations very, very far from us. potentially not in the way we can imagine or conceptualise; "life" is always undercut by "as we know it". I like to imagine life as something made over and over, like a child making sculptures out of play-doh. the universe discovering itself, or however the phrase goes

can you drive a manual car: save me public transport

guilty pleasure: hmmm. nothing I feel genuine guilt over but I'm embarrassed of mostly everything. the vulnerabilityyy

tattoos: goddd not yet. limited money makes me far too indecisive. but soon...

favorite color: a mossy kind of green, and faded shades of brown

favorite music genre: ambient/drone, I think; anything atmospheric, -gaze, textural. right now I've been listening to a lot of martial industrial and avant-folk, and I've always had a soft spot for psychedelic rock

do you like puzzles: yes, they're fun! I prefer sudoku and the like

phobias: so sorry to be lame slash normie but arachnophobia; I don't kill spiders, but I can't go near them. I just freeze and sometimes start crying. also agoraphobia, but that is less funny

favorite childhood sport: I did ballet for a time, if it counts. loved swimming, too

do you talk to yourself: all the timeee

favorite movies: I forget everything I've ever watched & see: embarrassment. but bones and all, 天使のたまご (angel's egg), marat/sade, солярис (solaris), alien... the rocky horror picture show... nausicaä of the valley of the wind...

coffee or tea: black coffee, teaspoon of brown sugar :-) I drink masala chai sometimes, usually on my period, for the cinnamon/cardamom of it all

first thing you wanted to be when you grew up: the first thing I remember wanting to be is an author, when I was 7. which makes me feel quite warm when I think about it

tagging (no pressure!)

@dronemetal @twinwound @watchnpray @gabriestat @scismatico and anyone who wants to 🤍🤍🤍

[phenomenologically]

As "Ameriican Requiem" opens with gospel-inspired elegance, the melody will quickly switch into -- what will become -- Cowboy Carter's signature acoustic twang. As the melody turns with synth sparkle, you realize Beyoncé has provided us her new 'pledge of allegiance': "For things to stay the same, they need to change again." Amen!

The gospel -- in terms of scripture, rather than musicality -- captures my attention here. Perhaps I've been listening to too much old-school blues, but Cowboy Carter's biblical references provide through-lines to the heart of Southern Black country and blues music. This isn't to say that this is Beyoncé's first time bringing God into her lyrics; but rather, the spiritual exclamations and jubilations of Cowboy Carter seem more fully realized when married with the sounds of blues' forebearers like Blind Joe Taggart ("God's Gonna Separate the Wheat from the Tares); Sister Rosetta Tharpe ("Precious Lord, Take My Hand"); and Arizona Dranes ("My Soul is a Witness"). These parallels can be drawn through acoustics, through the embellished runs Beyoncé uses to emphasize milestones within her songs' narratives (think of the octave change on "early age" in verse one and the bridge of "16 Carriages").

The prose-like approach to personal narrative throughout the album also serves the connection to late-1800s/early-1900s emerging blues, "negro spirituals," and country songs from Black artists of the era. While Beyoncé has drawn her life experiences plainly into her discography prior to Cowboy Carter, the styling of the album feels particularly attuned to imparting heartfelt, genuine lived experience.

In "Protector," Beyoncé soothes her children (in the song, Rumi's voice is sampled) with promises of protection, projection, and "Liftin' you up, so you will be raised." The content here reminded me, by contrast, of the well-loved blues anthem "(Sometimes I Feel Like A) Motherless Child" covered by icons like Sister Rosetta Tharpe, multi-hyphenate Paul Robeson, and folk-revivalist Odetta. While the singer of "Motherless Child" laments their lonesomeness, their isolation "a long ways from home," Cowboy Carter subverts this relationship and ensures that she will "lead you down that road if you lose your way." This points to another relationship between the album and its possible early blues-inspirations: "For things to stay the same, they need to change again."

Beyoncé's Cowboy Carter seeks to establish a new dialogue between Southern Black parent and child; husband and wife; community and individual. "Texas Hold 'Em" clarifies my point. Here, Beyoncé invites her muse to "lay your cards down," a phrase relevant to cardgames, yes, but one that's also used figuratively to indicate succumbing to vulnerability. In the pre-chorus after verse one she says, "I can't read your mind," indicating that while her partner may be connecting with her physically (on "the floor"), he still needs to "lay [his] cards down" so they can "work [their problems] in the middle," rather than side-stepping and dancing around them.

Her continual request to "pour some sugar on me," while immediately recognizable as a possible allegory of Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar On Me," the line reminds me more of "the Empress of Blues" Bessie Smith's "Need a Little Sugar in My Bowl." In the song, Bessie pleads for "some good man to tell my troubles to," -- laying her cards on the table. Interestingly, both Bessie Smith's "Need a Little Sugar," and Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar," carry a... frisky, let's say, subtext. I would be remiss to say that "Texas Hold 'Em," is entirely about breaking down emotional barriers between partners, without recognizing there's a lot of physical barriers Beyoncé tangles with as well. However, ultimately "Texas Hold 'Em" helps to elucidate that larger theme of the album: starting hard conversations among partners and families, and reasserting love and forgiveness above all.

The empassioned declarations of love and support -- to daughters, to husbands, to mothers and fathers -- are peppered throughout the album. "Bodyguard," "My Rose," "Alligator Tears," and "II Hands II Heaven," provide Beyoncé the platform to express these wishes singularly; while duets like "II Most Wanted" with Miley Cyrus more explicitly illustrate how important unhindered commitment in partnership is to Beyoncé. And, once again, these themes between romantic/sexual/lifelong partners mirrors much of the content of early blues, particularly (to me) the work of Sippie Wallace: the inspiration of blues/rock artist Bonnie Rait.

For instance, Sippie's biggest hit, "I'm a Mighty Tight Woman," recounts her wishes for a good man who will make her happy, "and I will make him happy too." She describes herself as a "jack of all trades," able to support her "pretty papa" in any wish or struggle -- mirroring some of the promises Beyoncé extends in "Bodyguard," for example. Much of Sippie's discography presents cynical (but wise, perhaps) views on marriage. Her song "Women Be Wise" advises married women, "don't advertise your man," as desperate women will come looking for him: a similar case as Cowboy Carter's "Jolene." Yet, once again, Beyoncé reaffirms her pledge of change by telling Jolene, "I'ma stand by him, he gon' stand by me." She doesn't relent to the "inevitability" of female competition, of unfaithfulness. She reaffirms wholeheartedly the trust in her partnership, and the value they add to one another. This is an evolution on Sippie's narrative, in which "Women Be Wise," ends with her own admission of guilt: "Lord honey, I just might sneek up and try to make him mine." Rather than committing to a partnership, she too moves on to the next.

I would be remiss to publish this review without addressing "Ya Ya." Here, Beyoncé partners with a soulful chorus to opine on American realities: sex, God, and shady insurance companies. The narrative retelling of these moments intercut with a toe-tapping "ya ya ya" chorus brought to mind lawyer, professional football player, activist, singer and actor (that's what I meant by multi-hyphenate) Paul Robeson. His famous rendition of "Joe Hill," details the 1914 murder of union organizer and communist Joe Hill. Parallel to the repetition of "ya-ya" and "la-la" through Cowboy Carter, Robeson returns again and again to Joe Hill's empowering response to questions of his death: "'I never died,' says he." And similar to Beyoncé's questioning of "workin' time and a half for half the pay," so too is "Joe Hill" questioning the working class: if your leader dies, does your cause die? Does your need for change die? No, "they organized." For this, Beyoncé prays "that he don't crash," but similarly, that her hardworking man "gotta keep the faith." Now -- "Ya Ya" is not a call to union organization and worker's empowerment as "Joe Hill," was. But, it's an important touchstone onto my earlier point: that Cowboy Carter is calling not only for changes within partnership and family, but larger communities and perhaps, American society at-large. To recognize the shared struggle, faith, and love of delicious cheesy grits that has always connected working-class Americans -- rather than superficial categories pre-determined by melanation -- despite a bloody "History that can't be erased."

I could unpack many, many more connections between Cowboy Carter and the blues genre, but I'll end on the poignant necessity of "Amen." Here, Beyoncé returns to the hook of "Ameriican Requiem,": Can you see her point? Can you hear her history? "Looker-there, looker there now," she croons in the opening track. "Have mercy on me," she belts at the close. "Amen," brings us visions of the present South; meticulously upkept plantation homes "built with blood and bone," though the homes of the enslaved Americans who built them have "crumbled." Civil War and Colonial-era monuments standing above struggling neighborhoods, beautifying the "lies of stone."

"For things to stay the same, they need to change again." For freedom to remain intact, to remain the foundation of "country," it must evolve to new heights, new communities, new dialogues. To "purify our Father's sins," requires not only a reckoning with the self, but a reckoning with the greater culture. It means not only shamelessly extending love and support to those closest to you, but recognizing the opportunities to spark love with those farthest from -- or most dissimilar to -- you.

Favorite Tracks:

"16 Carriages"

"Alligator Tears"

"Ya Ya"

[holy3cake]

Get to know you better!

Thank you for the tag @lancedoncrimsonwings!

Do you make your bed? Yep, but somehow my sheets never seem to fit properly. I hate the snappy corners.

Favourite number? 3 or 13, I really like "unlucky" numbers, but I do tend to get good news in 3's so I'm drawn to that number.

What's your job? I work in conservation, but I'm planning to start my PhD soon (employment psychology).

If you could go back to school, would you? Absolutely, and I did! I had some years out when I was younger, and I was scared that I couldn't return after that, but University honestly made who I am today :). If I had infinite money, I would go back and do at least two more degrees (I have a bachelor's in Psychology, but I would 100% go back and do English Lit and History).

Can you parellel park? Uhhh the first time I drove a car (my first and ONLY driving lesson) I drove into another car because I have AWFUL spatial awareness. So no, I cannot parallel park haha.

Do you think aliens are real? I'm kinda undecided on this one. I think I've watched too many horror movies so it's warped my overall view on aliens as a concept, but I would like to think they are real. But it's the psychologist in me that says no. I'm a bit of sceptic (especially with ghosts as well).

Can you drive a manual car? Following my previous car answer, the first car I drove was a Corsa without power-assisted driving and I was yanking the steering wheel like my instructor had suggested, but I crashed. So uhhh...no.

Guilty pleasure?...... I mean, apart from Harry Gilby? Probably not many, but I do like a shortbread (I try not to eat them because they have wayyyy too much sugar).

Tattoos? Unfortunately not, but I will endeavour to get @lancedoncrimsonwings to do a Daniel Sharman tattoo for me one day lmao.

Favourite colour? I used to love yellow when I was younger, but now I really like gold or bronze, almost candle tones.

Favourite type of music? I will listen to just about anything, but currently my playlist consists of Dua Lipa and Sabrina Carpenter. I always put on a good medieval lo-fi soundtrack when I'm writing though.

Do you like puzzles? I am extremely partial to a good sudoku puzzle, but I do like jigsaws as well (I just don't have a lot of time to do them).

Any phobias? I have Hydrophobia, but it's not as severe as it was when I was little. My husband is teaching me how to swim, so it's really nice to be able to get over that fear. I used to be scared of dogs as well, but now I love them :)

Favourite childhood sport? I genuinely don't know if this is a secondary school fever dream, but did anyone ever play benchball? When you stand on a bench and throw a softball at people? If you catch the ball, you get to join those on the bench, but if the ball hits you you're disqualified? It was absolutely hilarious.

Do you talk to yourself? Yeeeep, I think we all do don't we? Although I tend to just kind of speak aloud, normally when I'm writing or reading.

Tea or coffee? I really love coffee flavoured things, but despise coffee itself. Like coffee and walnut cake is my absolute dream. But I have to choose tea, I'm probably the most stereotypical Brit you'll meet, I would carry a box of tea with me if I could lmao. Earl grey is my go to though, especially to enjoy with @waterfallsilverberrywrites TLK fanfics :)

What movies do you adore? I am an absolute horror buff, I'm working my way through every single one. Buuuut my favourite movie is Love, Rosie, so take from that what you will haha.

No pressure tags: (Please do not feel pressured to answer all of the questions, this is purely what you're comfortable with :))

@jayalover @lord-aldhelm @waterfallsilverberrywrites @persephones-journey @redacted-thething @cary-elwes @book-and-music-lover

[sportsthoughts]

get to know you tag gaaaame

tagged by @timbitshockey <3

do you make your bed? I feel attacked sitting here on my unmade bed. I do try. I am very organised in other aspects of my life. I normally half heartedly fling the covers across the bed to cover it and call it a day. I am a never in the bedroom except to sleep person so I don't really see it until it's time for bed again. And when husband is home he makes the bed very very beautifully and precisely and my efforts are quite pathetic in comparison

what's your job? Professional Feelings Expert. More therapists are tumblr girlies than you'd think. Currently setting up my own practice and doing some various bits and bobs and agency therapy work on the side.

if you could go back to school, would you? Always always! I have to do a lot of ongoing training for work so I think my next thing will either be training in couples work or maybe some nutrition stuff because I'm very interested in the link between mental health and diet atm.

can you parallel park? I have a driving license that says yes but I have not sat behind the wheel of the car since... 2019? 2018? I am quite a liability on the road and have been Banned from driving Mr sportsthoughts' car because I have been known to crash quite a lot. Just as well I like being chauffeured/walking better anyway.

do you think aliens are real? I think there's some bacteria out there somewhere but I don't think it would be life as we'd recognise it.

can you drive a manual car? 99% of people in the UK learn to drive manual and take a manual driving test so they can do both! So technically, yes, I can. I'm not good at it though.

guilty pleasure? Not guilty about it ever but sports! Sports and sports fandom has always been my little 'me time' hobby.

tattoos? Nope! I can't think of anything that I'd like the look of so much I'd want to see it on my skin forever. My taste changes all the time so I would never be able to commit to a design.

favorite color? greens. neutrals. pastels!

favorite type of music? I like a lot of old stuff! 80s stuff, 70s stuff, also currently binge listening to miss swift ahead of the eras tour in London.

do you like puzzles? Jigsaw puzzles? Yes. I find them very soothing. Brain teaser puzzles? No!

any phobias? Spiders. So badly. Anything with lots of eyes. The dark.

favorite childhood sport? Sailing! I sailed competitively until I was about 15 and still get dragged out with my parents a lot. It was an all encompassing family activity that took over basically every weekend of my childhood.

do you talk to yourself? Yes, all the time. I like to narrate my life! Sometimes in conversation with people/myself/man in the sky etc. Often just me talking to me

tea or coffee? Both! One coffee in the morning and probably about 4-5 cups of tea throughout the day. Always English breakfast tea with milk, no sugar

first thing you wanted to be be when growing up? I have never had lofty career aspirations! I have always been quite interested to see where I would end up - and I had quite a roundabout journey getting to my current career! I think I went through the usual phases of wanting to be a popstar or a princess or a mermaid but I never really lusted after work or aspired to grow up and have a job. I still don't lol. I have a very good work life balance and even though I love my job and see it very much as a forever career it is probably the least important part of my life.

what movies do you adore? I have a running joke that I hate watching films I haven't seen before. I am a serial repeater and like to watch the same things over and over. A selection: Lord of the rings - especially the second one Twilight and New Moon Jackass - all of them - Rocky you reminded me of this and whenever people ask about my sense of humour I say "Jackass" and mean it. Live action Cinderella Oklahoma - the stage recording The first three Pirates of the Caribbean White Christmas - perhaps my favourite film ever? Shrek 1 & 2 - another contender for favourite film ever. Any 90s Disney. A Knight's Tale Ferris Bueller's Day Off Hairspray!!! Can't believe I nearly left out Justin Bieber Never Say Never. The first movie I binged watched. That and 1D this is us were on a constant loop when I was a teenager. My poor parents. Tagging @robindrake13 @prettyhockey @icedbatik @coffee-at-annies @cornerihaunt @reavenedges-lies and anyone else who fancies it - feel free to say I tagged you because truthfully I'm nosy and want to know you all

[shadydruid]

Thank you @kimberbohwrites for the tag!

Do you make your bed? No, I usually don't.

Favourite number? 303 maybe. or 7. or 8 :D

What's your job? I'm an artist.

If you could go back to school, would you? No, never. It was hell. Would I go back to university? Yes, absolutely. My uni years were absolutely amazing.

Can you parallel park? No, I can't drive.

Do you think aliens are real? Definitely so. The universe is too big to think that we are alone.

Can you drive a manual car? No.

What's your guilty pleasure? Reading fanfiction about video game characters who I can't romance in game :D

Tattoos? None.

Favourite color? The shades of purple and green.

Favourite type of music? I listen to rock music mostly.

Do you like puzzles? I used to love traditional puzzles as a child, but now I'm not interested.

Any phobias? I'm arachnophobic and don't like insects.

Favourite childhood sport? I had poor health, so the doctor told me not to do sport. I used to watch figure skating.

Do you talk to yourself? Not out loud.

What movie(s) do you adore? I absolutely love watching movies and TV shows. My favorite genres are a detective and a thriller, but I watch everything. A few of my favorites: Inception, The Dark Knight, The Magicians, Arcane, Love Actually, Game of Thrones, The Lord of the Rings. Currently watching How to Get Away with Murder.

Coffee or tea? Coffee with cream and sugar in the morning and green tea during the day. I drink A LOT of tea.

First thing you wanted to be growing up? I wanted to be a teacher or a dentist. Later, I wanted to work at the cinema to watch movies. My mom says I also wanted to be a literary critic.

No pressure tags: @viennacherries

[cloveroctobers]

My thoughts for S3 of the Bear after my first watch 😮‍💨 *CONTAINS SPOILERS!*

I think I get what they were trying to do with this season although I still said, “what the hell was that?” After I finished the finale last night. Binged tf out of it and it’s Saturday! I picked it up when they mentioned, “subtract,” in that one episode. I’ll have to give it a rewatch and WILL once I start writing for this season. This season was heavily past focused and how that led all these characters to their current states. That works in some senses when it comes to the kitchen and the drive to be the best of the best.

However it did fall short in some moments where characters should have had more of a story or say in situations (thankful we got to see how Tina got to the bear, which is a great episode! Relatable even.) and it feels like the progression they made in season 2 feels diminished almost. Idk if they changed writers this season or not but I don’t like how they made Sydney feel small to Carmy’s false promises in S2.

I guess that was their way of creating a parallel to Carmy’s experience coming up in high end restaurants but it completely erases what they worked for. A partnership. Don’t get me wrong, Carmy is clearly not well (who is?) but I wouldn’t be mad if Syd dipped again atp—yet I’m sure that’s what some want anyway. Although S2 ofc ended rough and had to bleed into S3 it still left a frustrating view for the audience. You can argue this or that but clearly things are missing.

Carmy doesn’t even mention or acknowledge that he now has a niece? Sugar’s pregnancy symbolizes new life, new beginnings which was what S2’s message was mixed with purpose. I didn’t expect S3 to be all sunshine’s and rainbows considering its title but damn! No pictures sent to him either? Guess that was just a moment for Sugar and Donna—which is fine! We get to hear how each sibling came into this world and how that’s a metaphor for how they live(d). We got to see Donna attempting to actually be a mother, listening to her child and stating that she’s trying to be better even though it’s hard and that Sugar won’t be like her towards her own nameless daughter. But not even a phone call to his sister? Nothing. Perhaps that was deliberate because Carmy’s “focus,” is always on the kitchen instead of his own empathy when it’s time for service. It makes him dissociated, mean, and only his decisions/voice matters.

It was powerful to actually see Carmy shed a tear. It’s evident that the man is going through pain, he’s grieving for everything, not just his upbringing and Mikey, but for who he once was; someone who has the talent and is willing to learn how to be the best but even better than that. He’s got that trauma that’s going to last forever, just like Donna said, Carmy took forever to come into this world and by then the Berzatto’s were already damaged.

Carmy knows he can create and put that into his cooking. He’s been trained to put his all into his craft but I don’t think it’s anything he’s passionate or even joyous about anymore. He’s doing what he thought everybody thought he couldn’t do—at least that’s what he says in S1? In reference to Mikey. He initially wanted to do this with Mikey but then we learn that Mikey isn’t into it really. He just took over because their old man was a deadbeat and left it to be their problem. That’s typical oldest sibling energy, taking on the role to be who everyone looks up to and has all the answers but they take on the load of everyone’s shit as well. It all became too much for Mikey in the end. Which is significant to the Berzatto’s, its problems on problems without anybody knowing how to effectively communicate as a family. They’re used to being loud and that’s how Carmy moved through his time at that New York restaurant— was that the one named, “The French Laundry?” There’s a lot to unpack so I forget some details sorry. Chef Asshole was basically a trigger to how Carmy was raised and apparently that made Carmy “better,” and he should be thankful that chef asshole basically beat the shit out of him physically, mentally, and emotionally but that just added another fucked up scar to him.

So Carmy subtracts.

Subtracts from the fact that he apologizes to Richie over voicemail once they’re back face to face but clearly Richie isn’t ready to forgive. They’re just coworkers at this time, that love is buried in that freezer. Richie doesn’t care about any personal shit that Carmy has going on (Cl*re), he subtracts from his own version of love he tries to give to Carmy. He sets Carmy off with anything he disagrees with and it’s pettiness because he also doesn’t know how to talk to Carmy which again gets erased once we get to the end of S2. Richie also once told Carmy that he’s all he has. It’s automatically an attack when Richie has no problem being vocal and Carmy constantly explodes and Richie is the easiest target since the way they normally communicate is screaming at each other.

Carmy has a chance to connect with Marcus and he does during the “legacy,” episode and Carmy takes his words about taking the bear to great heights as a way to honor Marcus’ mother in a previous episode. They all show up at the memorial more than a funeral because a black funeral isn’t like this tbh! That’s another conversation though! Yet once it’s time to call it to start service, Carmy turns it all off and begins screaming at Marcus again when he’s running expo.

He does this to Tina too, ready to stand over her when she’s making the pasta dish but thankfully Sydney takes over because we know he would have turned into chef asshole 2.0 if Sydney let that slide. And we don’t even need to get started on how he’s treated Sydney so poorly this season since he’s going through shit and doesn’t know how to handle it.

Sure it’s a bit of an excuse but I loved Sydney telling him that she’s not his babysitter. He needed to hear that. They also erased them having more one on one time and made it more subtle which hasn’t gone unnoticed 🍅!!! But we love that Carmy’s dish was Syd’s best meal imo!

The conversation with Chef Andrea Terry about her telling him what she would have told the younger version of herself, that it’s okay to not know WTF you’re doing but that also makes you invincible is probably a set up for season 4 but that can also send everyone further spiraling as well depending on how the writers decide to spin it.

Then we end with the review being up. It’s anything but good based on Carmy’s reaction, at first I thought it was Syd’s decline of the contract but it’s been the review they’ve all been dreading. Mostly Carmy and actually Uncle Jimmy, since he’s also not communicating or being honest that the bear might actually be over too.

So that does leave the debate of: does everything that you’ve worked extremely hard for have to be lost in the end because you’re simply lost yourself in this world but at least you’ve tried? Like Chef Terry once said.

Carmy constantly feels like what he’s doing lately is a waste of time (throwing out dishes that visually look nice, not reaching out to cl*ire—although personally I’m not a fan of that ship but he fucked up regardless because you don’t treat people like that, not staying in budget, the break down of the boxes, all these things he’s set up on his own and his team that are trying to follow his lead but it’s not turning out the way he wants it to, etc) even with everything he’s given to be such an excellent chef. Is he finding cooking to be a waste of time to true or is that just everyone being in his head? Yet again. Can things always be figured out or is subtracting ultimately the solution?

Guess we’ll have to see.

[breitweisergallery]

For the ask game (gonna do a little bit of everything):

Personal: 1, 11, 13, 26, 30, 39, 63, 69 (cuz why not?)

Favorites: 72, 83, 85

Family, childhood and places: 101, 102, 105

Friends: 108, 109, 111

Relationships: 127, 129, 149, 153

Music, movies and books: 181, 182, 188, 190

Situations and crazy things: 195, 208, 213

Opinions and beliefs: 219

Feelings and Others: 230, 234, 264, 265

Go nuts!!

Answers below!

1 - How are you? Altogether, I'm doing alright. Today was a very stressful and exhausting day, but I made it through and now I get some time to just relax. 11 - Have you ever dyed your hair? Oh my god, yeah. Until very recently my hair had been consistently dyed since I was about twelve years old. The last time I shaved my head, I decided to let it grow in the way it naturally is (auburn in color) 13 - If you could change your eye color, would you? I wouldn't! I have green eyes and it's one of my favorite things about myself. 26 - Something you are working on right now: Honestly? Taking time for myself and just existing in my body in the present. 30 - What do you think you’re really good at? Writing ^^ 39 - Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? I do! He's a stuffed tiger from Build-A-Bear. 63 - A quote you try to live by: Be Kind. Do good. 69 - Leave me a compliment: I don't want to sound shallow but you're??? really freaking pretty Sass. No kidding, I always get excited when you post a pic because you've got killer makeup and fashion.

72 - What’s your favorite band/singer? Right now, I've been really revisiting my love for Steven Suptic's voice via his music under the SUGR? name. 83 - What is your favorite flower? Daisies~ 85 - What is your favorite season? Autumn!

101 - Where would you like to live? I would honestly love to either be back in the northeast (Boston I miss u) or in the PNW. I have family in Idaho so Washington state would be great (relatively close by but not in Idaho) 102 - What would your dream house be like? This always confuses people, but I actually don't ever want to own a house! I'll be content to rent for the rest of my life. There's something so reassuring to me about the possibility of picking up roots and moving when I want to. 105 - Top three places to visit: I have no idea. I'm so used to road trips with my family that I don't have a list of places I'd love to visit, nor do I have a list that I enjoyed visiting all that much. Always museums though.

108 - Who is someone you never tire of? My darling best friend Kay. 109 - Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? Nope o.o 111 - Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? Kay, for sure.

127 - What is the first thing you noticed in someone? Fashion sense. 129 - What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? Hand size 149 - Say five ways to win your heart: parallel play, watching shows with me, check-ins, respecting boundaries, words of encouragement for literally anything 153 - What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? A guy I knew my senior year of high school realized I never had any food and started bringing me lunch every day because he liked cooking and cooked meals for his family every night.

181 - How often do you listen to music? More than I don't listen to music. 182 - What kind of music you like? It's all over the place. I listen to a lot of kpop (2nd-4th gen), I listen to stuff from the emo/pop punk 00s vibes, I listen to some general indie singer-songwriter stuff, I listen to Broadway. 188 - Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play: Shake It Up - Super Junior, U - Super Junior, Gold Dust - Changmin, Beautiful Monster - STAYC, Fallin' Down - DinDin, These Drugs - Sugar Pine 7, Outlaws of Love - Adam Lambert, If the World Only Knew- Joshua Colley, Don't Let Me Know - Smash Cast, Eat Your Young - Hozier 190 - Describe your dream library: Natural lighting, not overwhelming in its presence, little nooks to curl up in and read, options for paper, audio or kindle

195 - If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be? There's this book I read when I was a kid called the Westing Game. Turtle has always had a soft spot in my heart. 208 - 5 things within touching distance: My pillow (zebra-striped pillowcase), my switch (lite, salmon colored), my stuffed animal (tiger, Hobi, he/him), my Kugrash plush in my window, my phone 213 - If you met me what would you do? ask for permission to give you a hug!

219 - Do you consider yourself lucky? What’s your good luck charm? I don't! I actually consider myself to be unlucky most of the time ehehehe

230 - Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? It depends on what the thing is, but I'm actually generally a 'get things done early' type. 234 - Something that you’re proud of: I'm published!! 264 - One thing you’re excited for: My brother and I just got approved for an apartment together and I'm excited to move in with him. 265 - Describe the most terrifying/strangest/beautiful dream you’ve ever had: We had to keep dream journals in one of my fiction classes, so I can actually copy directly from when I had it the first time- "

I’m aware it’s a dream, and that my actions have control over everything else. In some ways, this godly power gives me anxiety; what if I fuck up? What if I hurt someone in my dreams? Will I hurt them in real life? Will they know? 

I stand in a theater, an auditorium, and I look out at the rising seats. Red in color, dark red, bathed in darkness. Outside, somewhere, sirens wail, ascending and descending, growing closer and further, as though the concept of distance doesn’t truly exist. Like they’re driving in circles. Or rather, like the sirens are moving in circles without them; I don’t hear engines. 

I hear birds chirping and whales singing and I can feel their loneliness in my bones, itching, crawling on my skin, and rolling around in my skull, bouncing like a DVD logo. Their loneliness echoes my own isolation in this theater, putting on a show for patrons I cannot see, with a script I do not know. The papers in my hand, appearing as I look, are blank; I need to write my own show on the spot, but if I do not entertain then it will be my own downfall, embarrassment and shame, that are the entertainment for the cruel patrons playing the game."

[drowninginredink]

Hi ciel! Thank you for tagging me! Anyway I do tag games on my main so I'm responding here instead of on schizosam.

Do you make your bed?

Absolutely not. I have a comforter in a duvet and nothing else, a) because i always kick sheets off anyway, and b) so i never have to make my bed.

What's your favorite number?

47 is pretty good. And 14. 21 is cool. I like things with 7s and 4s.

What is your job?

I am a certified nursing aide in a nursing home. Which, since I work nights, mostly means changing diapers. I really like it. I love getting to see and interact with my patients. I really like that I do stuff with my hands instead of my brain. I appreciate that my job is something that's actually good and necessary. And I really, really like being in a field where i can work nights. It works much better with my natural night owl sleep schedule, i do not get perceived as much which is great when you are trans, and it means that i have a good amount of downtime that i use to write fic.

If you could go back to school, would you?

Eventually I will go to nursing school, but i want to transition first. I'm just not going to be able to handle being back in school until I'm comfortable with my body.

Can you parallel park?

Dude i don't even drive because of schizophrenia. Nooooo

A job you had that would surprise people?

Well given how trans I ended up, it's probably a surprise that I had an internship for Girl Scouts. Not going to say more than that so i don't doxx myself, but yeah, I did 13 years of Girl Scouts... And then ended up a dude.

Do you think aliens are real?

Oh yeah, they've got to be, but I can't say I expect us to find them in my lifetime.

Can you drive a manual car?

Again, do not drive at all because I dissociate too much for it to be safe.

What's your guilty pleasure?

Uh, not to sound pretentious, but I don't feel guilty about the things I like? Uh... I eat too much sugar. I read a lot of non-con and dub-con and incest fanfic. I jerk off a lot. I spend too much time playing a phone game called Township.

Tattoos?

Two. One that's a half-sleeve that i commissioned that's a whole bunch of symbols of me throughout the years that's basically a memorial to my pre-transition self, and then also the VFD tattoo from A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Favorite color?

Red

Favorite type of music?

Well, I listen to indie folk most often, but nothing lights me up like listening to musical theater. Like, you wouldn't know it thaaaaat much from my presence on here, but I am in fact the biggest theater geek you'll meet and it is the interest I can go on about for longest. The history, the craft, the art of revivals... yeah if you ever want a theater opinion, I have it. Also I fucking adore The Pet Shop Boys in the way you can only love whoever was your favorite musical artist when you were 14. Of course, that's entirely reasonable because they're goddamn brilliant.

Do you like puzzles?

Yes. I haven't done a real, honest to god puzzle in forever. I should clear off my table and do one. Note to self. Although yes, I love other puzzles too. I was super addicted to Sudoku for a bit.

Any phobias?

No, not really. There are some topics that I'm weird about because schizophrenia (namely religion) but no actual phobias.

Favorite childhood sport?

Oh I did one thing, and I loved it, and that was dance. I did so much dance. Fuck I miss it. The local community theater is doing Newsies this year and I can't wait to tap dance again.

Do I talk to myself?

YES, and I address myself by name so much, and it is always my deadname. Which I guess is good given that I'm not super out yet, but also it's annoying.

What movies do you adore?

I really don't watch movies because it's very much "yeah okay, but like. I could watch a musical instead." So instead, this is going to be an excuse to list my favorite musicals:

1. Phantom of the Opera. Which is mostly nostalgia. It was the first musical I ever loved. No score will ever hit me quite like that one. God the music is good. And I do think it's a really good case study because though it very much is about style and spectacle and not substance, it is still only works so well because it has such a sophisticated, well-developed theme.

2. Falsettos. I genuinely think it's a perfect musical. I can think of only one flaw with it, and it's that I don't like the jokes about Cordelia being a bad caterer. I think those are hacky. Everything else? Every lyric and melody and character beat? Utterly perfect.

3. Company. Did you know that aromanticism the musical exists, and that it came out in 1970? It is absolutely the story of an alloaro trying to figure out what the hell romance is and why people do it now that they're old enough that having not settled down is weird. And it's got a Sondheim score. Such a fantastic score.

4. 42nd Street. Look. The story does not matter. At all. But it is a phenomenal show for tap dancing, and I'm a dancer at heart. And it's got a score full of 30s songs and I love that old musical theater style. If you ever get the chance to see it in person, I recommend it.

5. Cats. I know why so many people hate Cats. It is dramatic and theatrical and is just a bunch of cats doing numbers introducing themselves with no plot. That's exactly why I love it. It's like drag. Every cat goes in and struts their stuff for a number. I know who I am; that is my shit. The score is fun and the dancing is great.

Anyway all of these have professional recordings made of them, so technically they're all movies. I recommend watching all of them except 42nd Street. I think that particular production of 42nd Street has shitty choreography.

By the way, hey ciel, if you like The Phantom of the Opera and camp disasters, you need to watch Love Never Dies. God, I adore it. Absolutely so bad it is good. Just, bad in the best, most intoxicating, most fascinating way. I love it.

Coffee or tea?

Tea. Coffee is gross. I really like pretty much any kind of tea.

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up?

I genuinely don't remember ever having any idea what I'd want to do when I grew up until at age 9 they made me write an essay about it and I was like "uh... I do a lot of theater so I guess an actor?" But as an actual kid I was always like "there are so many options. I have no idea"

Okay, so, it's long as hell so absolutely no pressure, but if @thewormarchives @ven10 @thetreetzar @cat-boy-tom @70snasagay @closetedangel @roach-in-the-kitchen @thehistoryone and @randosfandos want to do it, hell yeah!

tag game!

thank you for the tag, @according2thelore 🥰

Do you make your bed? i basically live in my bed, so no. i want it cozy and making it makes it un-cozy.

What's your favorite number? 3! or rather, repeating 3s. my mom and i look for repeating 3s out in the wild ever since she heard about some kinda christian number thing relating to angels (idk i don't go there), and it's become a whole Thing. i like that we can share it :)

What is your job? i do translations...! spanish and japanese, mostly. i translated a video game last year too which i'm very proud of!

If you could go back to school, would you? yeah tbh. i hated school for disability reasons, but i really enjoy sitting in lectures and learning things. structured learning is great and super easy so i'd love to return. i'd be the kind of person who would get like 20 masters degrees if college were free.

Can you parallel park? noooo..... i never got that far lmao. i don't have a license and i would like it to stay that way for as long as i can get away with it. peace and love ✨

A job you had that would surprise people? i did an internship with the linguistics department while i was an undergrad where i helped do some menial work for a larger research project the school was conducting? i sucked at it though, lol

Do you think aliens are real? statistically speaking there's basically no way there's NO other life in the universe, so yes i do. i'm even fairly confident there has to be intelligent life outside of humans somewhere out there. i do not have any belief in any kind of alien life form having made contact with earth, though.

Can you drive a manual car? yes, actually. which is apparently shocking to people, considering i don't even have a license lmao

What's your guilty pleasure? i have an addiction to solitaire? i downloaded the app about a year ago but i am on level 329. ok girl get a grip

Tattoos? none yet, but i've had my first tattoo figured out since i was in high school. i just don't want to deal with the cost and care of it (lazy + poor...)

Favorite color? a very warm, light pink! almost peach-colored.

Favorite type of music? folk music :) and by folk i mean like. literally the songs people sang around a campfire 300 years ago. like dúlamán and the irish rover and rolling the woodpile and whatnot. but i also really like more modern folk music (big fan of umm santiano, plumbo, celtic woman, the builders and the butchers, mumford & sons, poor man's poison, the longest johns, stuff like that...) and country music. basically a bunch of genres along that sort of continuum.

Do you like puzzles? puzzles like jigsaw puzzles? i hate them, but once i start doing them i can't stop. logic puzzles or whatever are totally my jam, though. seriously i love them so much. i'm not interested in more hands-on puzzles like blocks and stuff.

Any phobias? nnnnno. i was scared of the ocean (specifically and exclusively trenches inside the ocean) growing up but then i got over that, and i've been working on getting over my fear of bugs so they're not super scary anymore either. i also used to suffer from trypophobia but it really hasn't been much of a problem in recent years. idk what happened there, though.

Favorite childhood sport? olympic-level sleeping? idk i tried a lot of sports at my mother's request when i was a kid, but i didn't like any of them. now i enjoy ice skating, but i live in the deep south where it's 80F nine months out of the year so like. lmfao

Do you talk to yourself? YES it's a generational thing. everyone on my mom's side of the family does it so i just picked it up naturally. i make myself laugh constantly ✨

What movies do you adore? my letterboxd Top Four are: the witch (2015), death becomes her (1992), the phantom of the opera (2004), and showgirls (1995) so it's kind of all over the place. i like movies with either very strong, well written stories or campy dumpster fires—NO in-between. the more artistic a movie is, the more likely i am to enjoy it. some other movies that really stand out to me

la sociedad de la nieve (2023)

late night with the devil (2023)

midsommar (2019)

the love witch (2016)

creep (2014)

mamma mia! (2008)

master and commander (2003)

zoolander (2001)

o brother, where art thou? (2000)

ravenous (1999)

romeo + juliet (1996)

the mountain men (1980)

the devils (1971)

beyond the valley of the dolls (1970)

so you can make of that what you will.

Coffee or tea? i don't actually like either unless you count southern sweet tea? i like chick-fil-a and mcdonald's sweet tea... but i drink almost exclusively water. if i'm feeling fancy, i like lemonade or like... craft root beer specifically. or sarsaparilla?

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up? an architect is the earliest i can remember back to, but i switched my passion project every couple of months and never really settled on anything.

i'm really bad at tagging, but let's go with ummmm... @schizosamwincester, @sam-winchesters-gay-lover, and @aceing-on-the-cake! no pressure though haha