#I think I’ll grow them back out again for the holidays

[black-quadrant]

claws

[rambling-at-midnight]

Guide Me Home

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader

Summary: While walking downtown, you inhale fear toxin. It's up to the Bats to find you before your heart gives out.

Word count: 3.1k

Warnings: Scarecrow attack, (kind of) graphic hallucinations (only a small allude to blood though)

Fun fact: As I wrote this, 'quiet' started to not look like a word anymore.

You rub at your eye, muttering below your breath. Wind has been whipping through the Gotham streets all day, drying out your contacts to the point of discomfort.

The next time you blink, one flips up. Cursing, you cup a hand over the affected eye and blink until the stupid contact rights itself. Digging around your purse, you find your suspicions to be true: after the last time you needed to use your emergency backup contacts, you forgot to replace them. The small bottle of contact solution is missing, lost to the abyss of the purse or somewhere else. All you know is that it’s not here.

The only alternative is your glasses, and those are always a last resort. With an outdated prescription, uncomfortably heavy bridge, and scratched lenses, they’re far from ideal.

It’s fine. You’ll splash some water on your face when you get to the cafe and blink a lot. They’re fine.

Your friend is already sitting by the time you get there, but hasn’t ordered their drink yet. You haven’t seen them for several months, though you used to see each other every day during undergrad. They’re only here for a work conference. They live in Metropolis now, and are wearing an ‘I SURVIVED MY VISIT TO METROPOLIS’ shirt to show it. A couple Gothamites around them are actively laughing into their hands at the sight of it. After all, compared to this city, really nothing is worse.

After the usual greeting, hug, and exclamations over how long it’s been, you say, “Sorry, but my contact’s actually killing me right now. I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll watch your stuff,” they say cheerfully.

The bathroom’s about as good as someone could hope for in Gotham. The remains of scrubbed-away graffiti lingers on the wall around the mirror, and a paper towel with a suspicious red stain hangs over the edge of the trash can. Not quite the vibe this place is going for, judging by the painted ivy around the walls and the hanging plants, but oh well.

You blink, squeeze your eyes shut, rub them, and open them again. Much better.

There’s a drink in front of your friend by the time you make it back to the table they found, pushed in the back corner where things are a little quieter. “They have seasonal syrups,” they say, sipping the drink. “Though a lot of them are named after supervillains.”

You scoff and shrug off your coat. “Please. Clayface is hardly a supervillain. He’s just a washed-up actor.”

“That must be nice,” your friend says wistfully. “Did I tell you I had to replace my car last month?”

“No!”

“Yeah! Some alien dictator had beef with Superman. A lot of cars were thrown in that fight.”

“Ugh,” you say wistfully. “We had some good memories in that car.” They’d had it since undergrad.

“Gone but never forgotten,” they say, holding their cup up for cheers, and you both remember that you haven’t ordered anything yet.

Even though you’re on a bit of a caffeine ban—boyfriend’s orders—you order a coffee. One a day won’t hurt you, not when you were averaging at least four during the recent busy season. The pathology lab you work at always has a huge rush of biopsies ordered between Thanksgiving and New Year’s. Now that it’s a little into January, you’re not scrambling quite so much.

With your drink in hand, you head back to the table to keep catching up. Your friend started a new job with a much better boss than their old one. They’re thinking about proposing to their partner of five years. Their dog got into their family’s big holiday meal and they had to order last-minute Chinese takeout instead. And they can’t decide whether to cut their hair or keep growing it out.

Then it’s your turn. You’re four years into your job at the lab, kind of feeling like you want a change, but the generous Christmas bonus is making you think twice. Your apartment is okay but not nice. Your cat is healthy and happy and extremely spoiled. Your family lives across the country, all with separate plans, so you stayed in Gotham for the (surprisingly uneventful) winter.

“What did you do for the holidays, then?” your friend asks, their drink long since finished. Judging by their eyes drifting back to the counter as you speak, they want another.

“My boyfriend’s family celebrates Hanukkah and Christmas,” you say. “Nothing too fancy, of course, none of us are terribly religious. But it was nice to see each other on a regular basis for a week straight.” Jason would disagree, but only out of principle. “We’re all busy people.”

“And your boyfriend? Jason, right? How is he? What does he do for work, again?”

Here comes the hard part. No matter what happens in your personal life, you can’t talk to anyone about it unless they’re in the know. Keeping Gotham safe requires a fairly large system; you and several other scientists or similar professionals are able to contact the Bats through Leslie Thompkins, Lucius Fox, and Commissioner Gordon, but of that number, only a fraction know their identities.

Working overtime at the lab as a new hire, you were the only one Leslie could reach at midnight when Black Bat came in contact with a mysterious substance through an open wound. From midnight to eight a.m., you collected blood and skin samples with hands that shook under the scrutiny of Batman’s white-lensed gaze. Your treatment was a gamble but a success, and after that, the Bats started to come to you more and more. So many of their rogues use biowarfare, after all. Still, it took over a year for Black Bat and Spoiler to take off their masks around you. At that point, you’d only seen Red Hood once, when he brought Robin in and ordered you to never tell Batman that he’d done so. Months after that, he took off his helmet around you, but only because of a nasty cut on his neck, and the domino mask beneath it stayed on. You’d known each other for a year and a half before he spoke more than five curt words to you at a time. Analyzing a new street drug was the first time you two ever worked together, and it was fun. After that, he just kept coming back.

It took so long to gain their trust, and you won’t risk it. But there are so many secrets. How can you explain to anyone else that not only is your boyfriend related to Bruce Wayne—yes, the Bruce Wayne of Gotham, billionaire, CEO, activist, and philanthropist—but he is, in fact, the man’s very publicly dead son?

So you can tell people about your boyfriend named Jason. You can’t introduce him to anyone from outside Gotham; the jagged scar on his cheek and glowing green eyes tend to raise more questions than answers. You can mention that he has a large family. You can’t tell them who his family is. You can tell them that Jason works flexible hours, usually at night, so the two of you see each other often despite your busy schedules. You can’t tell them what Jason actually does for work.

“He runs a not-for-profit community service organization,” you lie, the words familiar and tasteless from how often you’ve had to say them. And he sort of does, but with a lot more violence and criminal cavorting than most other not-for-profits. “He’s really passionate about helping Gotham’s kids that come from low-income households.” The foster system reform laws passed last year were lobbied by Wayne Enterprises, but it was the Red Hood showing up in politician’s houses in the dead of night that really sped up the process.

“I talked to Avery the other day,” your friend says. “They’re convinced you’re making him up.”

You sigh. Avery is another friend from college. You two were in the same friend group for years, but were never particularly close outside of it. “We don’t like to take pictures together, okay?”

Your friend eyes you with a faint air of dissatisfaction. “Well, if you say so. I was actually hoping to meet him while I’m here.”

You try not to let it show how your heart leaps into your throat at the thought. Around the lump, you say, “I’m sure he’d love to, but he’ll be stuck all day at the office.” Lie. He’s at home right now, baking muffins and wearing an apron with the words ‘Kiss the Cook.’ Damian and Tim scribbled over the two ‘S’s with Sharpie to make it ‘KiLL the Cook,’ but the sentiment is still there.

“Right,” they say slowly.

The meetup doesn’t last long after that. At the end of it, you hug and promise to meet up more often, even though it’s unlikely. With a wave, they head off for their conference, and you’re almost out the door when you blink wrong and—

Half the world goes blurry.

You feel the contact fall down your cheek and onto the ground.

“Goddamnit,” you hiss under your breath.

Glasses it is.

You’ve been wearing contacts for so long that you can take out the other one without breaking stride. The wind hasn’t let up in the slightest, and it makes your nose run.

Sniffling slightly, shoulders hunched against the chill, you don’t see the pumpkin until it’s too late.

They’re after you.

It’s not safe, not for you, not for anyone, they want you, they’re grabbing you, hands on your shoulder, people screaming—screaming at you—for you to stop—no—for—for something to stop?

Something is wrong. Dimly, in the back of your mind, you know something is wrong, but your hands are shaking and your bag is ripping, someone is clawing at you, screaming, desperate, they want you to fall back so they’re safe (from what?) and someone else shoves you and you go spinning out, bag in one direction and you in the other and—

They’re changing, the person clawing at you, turning into a monster, and you scream.

They’re after you

(who is after you)

They want to hurt you

(why)

(what is going on)

And you can’t see, something is wrong, you hear glass crunch and then the whole world goes out of focus.

You can’t see.

They’ll get you if you can’t see, and now you can see them, the dark shapes rising from the shadows, claws out and maws gaping, hungry, hungry, hungry for you and your marrow and your heart and they’re going to get you—

You run.

You trip over something (or someone; something like a bone crunches) and your heel slides and your hands catch you but not really, chin clipping the ground so hard your teeth click, and your hands burn, and your chin aches, but they’re still behind you, behind and getting closer—

You run.

You run and they get closer and you see the corner of something dark and blurry, and maybe it’s another monster or maybe it’s a building, and you skid to a stop and throw yourself behind it.

It’s not a monster. It smells awful—a dumpster—and the ground is wet, you hope from rain, but maybe it’s blood

(you’re sitting in a pool of it)

(you’ll be covered)

(the monsters will smell the blood and come running and they’ll hear you shuffling, they’ll hear you panting, they’ll hear your heart pounding, pounding, pounding—)

You scramble to the farthest corner between the brick building’s corner and the dumpster—maybe their clawed arms will be too short to reach you—and hide your face in your hands—you need to stop breathing so loudly—you need to be quiet, quiet, quiet—

People continue to scream. The city, the city Jason and his family try so hard to protect, everyone is dying and you’re going to die and maybe they’ll die, too, or maybe they’ll survive, and maybe they’ll find your dead body and that would ruin Jason, or maybe they won’t and you’ll rot behind the dumpster, smelling just as bad as the trash inside it—

Quiet quiet quiet.

You can’t stop shaking, your teeth won’t stop rattling, and you have to be quiet quiet quiet.

But your heart keeps pounding, faster and faster. It hasn’t slowed down since the monsters came, it’s only getting louder and faster.

Dimly you think you might be having a heart attack.

Everything gets a thousand times worse when one of the monsters shouts your name.

How do they know your name?

Footsteps on the pavement and people have stopped screaming.

Dead, you think. And you’ll be next if you’re not quiet quiet quiet.

The monster shouts your name again. It’s louder—they’re closer. You curl into a tighter ball. They can’t find you.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Your chest hurts; your heart wants to jump out of it.

Jason, you think wildly. Jason will save you. If Jason finds you, he’ll keep you safe. Your hands fish at your side, but find empty air: your purse is gone. There’s no way to reach him, and he can’t even track your location through your phone.

The monster shouts your name again. It has a deep voice.

Another voice joins it, deeper, pitched lower. You can’t quite make out the words.

“They’re around here,” the first monster insists. “B, we don’t have long, this strain is strong—”

“They’re strong,” says the second monster. “Their heart can handle it.”

Something thumps and a third monster says, “Everyone else is clear. Signal had to take two people to the hospital, but they’ll be fine, don’t look so upset, B.”

“You have the antitoxin?” the first monster demands.

“Relax, Hood,” drawls the third monster. “‘Course I do. So you tracked them here?”

“Yeah, I just—” Again it shouts your name. It sounds almost upset. “Please, it’s me, I can help you. Come on. You’re safe. You inhaled fear toxin, I know you’re terrified, but it’s me. You know me.”

It’s trying to lure you in. You won’t fall for it.

You squeeze your eyes shut and hold your breath. Let them move on. Let them search somewhere—

“There you are.”

A hulking figure is blocking the light.

The monsters found you.

“Stop it!” you yell, trying to sound brave. “Leave me alone or—or you’ll regret it!”

“Please,” it wheedles, “I’m just trying to help you. Don’t you recognize me?” It reaches out with clawed hands and you kick frantically, but there’s nowhere else for you to go.

“Hey, aren’t these their glasses?” asks the third monster. “What happened to their contacts?”

“Don’t come any closer! The Red Hood will get you, I know him, if you hurt me he’ll kill you! Stop it!”

“I’m really sorry about this, honey,” the monster says, and its clawed hand latches around your ankle and you howl. The sharp points dig deep through skin into muscle and sinew, and it hurts and you’re going to die—

“Jason!” you shriek. “Jason, help me!”

“I’m right here,” the monster lies. “Please, I’m right here, look at me—”

You won’t. You won’t do it. You can’t watch while it kills you. “Jason, please!” you bawl again, but it’s too late. The monsters have you, you’re surrounded, he’ll never forgive himself but what could he even do against them—

Sharp teeth dig into your neck.

You’re dead.

“There we go, darling,” the monster says. Strong arms wrap around you—it wants to crush you to death—and you struggle, but there’s no use.

Except—

You can hear now, kind of, the rush of blood in your ears is receding a bit, and something heavy lands on your nose. This time, when you blink your eyes open, the world’s edges have sharpened. And the monster in front of you—

Well, you recognize the dark hair with a shock of white, and the brilliantly green eyes would be visible if not for the white-lensed domino mask, and the jagged scar on his cheek.

“Jay?” you murmur, hand coming up to touch it. He doesn’t flinch away. It took so long for him to stop flinching when you touch his face. Over his shoulder, you see Batman and Spoiler watching with satisfaction and slight worry. “What happened?”

“Scarecrow,” he says grimly. “He gassed the street, but only about twenty people were affected. I was patrolling nearby, and when I saw your purse on the ground—” He grimaces, then fixes you with a hard look. His two hands can span most of your head, and he takes it to press a firm kiss to your forehead. When he pulls back slightly, without looking away, “I want their heart checked.”

“The antitoxin—” Batman starts.

“I don’t care,” Jason snarls.

Your hands loosely hold his forearms, still shaking a little. “How’d you find me?”

“I tracked you,” he says softly.

“But my phone—”

“Honey,” he says gently, “of course that’s not the only one.”

Well. You should have guessed that, honestly.

“I’ll go check on the victims,” Batman says suddenly. “Come on, Spoiler.”

“Glad to see you’re okay,” Spoiler says to you, then dashes after Batman. In a whirl of capes, they’re gone.

“I’m so sorry,” Jason says in a rush.

“Jay—”

“I should have protected you,” he grits out, white lenses turning to slits as he squeezes his eyes shut. “This should never have happened—”

“You couldn’t have known,” you say softly, letting go of his arms and wiggling beneath them to wrap yours around his torso. Your nose wedges against his chest kind of uncomfortably, but now you can smell him, the familiar gunpowder and a little bit of sour sweat, and the faint tremble in his bones that mirrors the one in your hands. He clutches you close, head buried in the crook of your neck.

He croaks, “I’m so sorry, so sorry, so—”

“You saved me,” you mumble into his armor. “I knew you would.”

“I almost didn’t.”

“Jay.” You pull back to look at him seriously. “Even when I couldn’t think straight, I knew you would come. I’ll always know that, no matter what toxin’s messing with my head.”

Judging by the twist of his mouth, he doesn’t quite believe that. He’ll beat himself up internally for days, you know.

But you also know that while Bruce runs his tests in the Cave to make sure there’s no more toxin in your system, he’ll hold your hand the whole time. You know he’ll hold you tight in the bed you share tonight. You know, as long as Jason lives and breathes, he’ll always protect you.

“I love you,” he says thickly. “So much.”

“I love you too.”

“Let’s get you checked out.” He helps you up and holds you close and you know that you’ll be okay.

Jason’s here, so you’ll be okay.

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Let me know if there's anything you want to see from me. Inspiration strikes at odd intervals, and I get lonely.

[chubby-bun-bun]

untitled (part 2)

You’ve made a friend out of your new crow roommate(?).

nav: one, two (current), three, four, five, six or: read on ao3

tags: sylus x reader, an au where you're an average citizen, slow burn, fluff, hurt/comfort, this part is lowkey crack, mephisto being a champ

An ivory satin throw pillow, embroidered with intricate rose gold floral patterns. A vintage set of wind chimes adorned with hanging crystal pendants. A fluffy cat plush toy from the old arcade down the block.

You stand proudly in front of your feathery companion, who’s perched atop the embroidered pillow. You gesture animatedly at the decorations you put together for its temporary lodging.

“Well, what do you think?” you ask, a barely concealed grin tugging at your lips as you pour a generous heap of peanuts into the lid of one of your old tumblers. Setting the makeshift bowl of treats beside your new crow acquaintance, you make sure it’s within easy reach.

The injured crow looks at the mini mountain of peanuts and lets out a squawk but doesn’t make any move to eat them. You frown at its lackluster reaction, glancing at the effort you poured into its setup on your bedroom’s windowsill. With an unconscious pout, you pluck a peanut from the pile, break it into smaller pieces, and offer it directly to the bird. It regards your hand for a moment before deliberately shifting its body away. Then, its beady eyes lift to meet yours.

“Your injury must’ve scared away your appetite, huh?” you murmur, gently patting the crow’s head. It coos softly, leaning into your touch.

“Tell you what,” you say. “Since it’s the weekend tomorrow, I’ll try looking for some soft food for you. Maybe it’ll be easier on your tummy.”

The crow merely responds with a squawk.

Hours later, you’re tucked into bed, fast asleep. A peaceful stillness settles over the room as moonlight streams through the window, scattering rainbow hues across the walls as it catches on the crystal pendants of the wind chimes.

You remain unaware as the injured crow on your windowsill tilts its head, carefully assessing your sleeping form. Satisfied that you’re out cold, it hops to the edge of the window and starts pecking at the lock.

Suddenly, two shadows appear outside the window, their presence drawing a startled squawk from the crow.

“Mephisto, what are you doing?” one of the figures whisper-yells. “Boss has been waiting for your report for hours!”

“If you slack off any longer, you’ll end up in this year’s holiday spread,” the other shadow adds.

The crow—Mephisto—clicks its beak against the glass, squawking indignantly at the pair.

One of the twins snickers before pulling out a Swiss army knife and begins to pick the lock. His grin, hidden behind a leather crow mask, quickly fades when the lock refuses to budge.

“Hurry up, Luke!”

“I am hurrying!” Luke snaps, working the lock again. Still nothing. “Ugh, you try, Kieran.”

Kieran sighs, rolling his eyes—an expression Luke can somehow feel even through the identical crow mask—and snatches the tool from his twin. He fiddles with the lock for a few minutes before groaning in frustration.

“The hell,” he mutters. “This is, like, N109 zone-level stuff. What kind of window lock is this?”

Mephisto squawks, clearly impatient.

“Look, buddy,” Luke says, throwing his hands up. “You’ll just have to hold out until we figure this out. This is practically prison-grade!”

“We’ll report back to boss,” Kieran adds, his tone placating. “Hang tight, alright?”

Mephisto’s stressed cawing grows louder, and it’s enough to stir you from sleep. You groggily sit up, rubbing your eyes with a yawn, and reach for your glasses on the nightstand. Blinking against the dim light, your bleary gaze focuses on the windowsill.

Your crow companion sits where you left it, still nestled atop its embroidered pillow. You stare at it for a beat. It stares back. You yawn again and flop back down onto the bed.

“G’night,” you mumble, oblivious to the flash of two shadows outside your window amidst the falling snow.

—

The weekend passes without much fuss. You stay inside the house as always, doing your usual chores. Normally, you’d head out for your weekly grocery run, but your recent financial choices have forced you to make do with whatever’s left in your fridge—much to the dismay of the two shadows lurking outside, waiting for you to leave so they can retrieve their co-worker.

You do, however, spend a lot of time fussing over your new roommate. While you’re undeniably fond of animals, you’ve never actually had one as a pet. Your family never got around to adopting one, for no particular reason. So, as an outlet for your long-repressed cuteness aggression, you pour all your love into whatever animal crosses your path.

True to its crow nature, your new feathered friend has a soft spot for shiny things. You could barely contain your grin as it inspected your small hoard of treasures gifted by your other crow visitors. On a quaint, repurposed coffee table, you’ve carefully arranged an assortment of polished stones, colorful glass shards, scavenged bits of jewelry, and loose coins. Off to the side are the eccentric bits of random rusty nails, bottle caps, and paperclips that you find just as charming. Your curious crow seems particularly intrigued by the red-colored items in your collection, tilting its head and studying them with keen interest.

It seems comfortable around humans, too. It’s taken a liking to perching on your shoulder as you go about your chores. Not wanting to strain its injured wing, you crafted a makeshift shoulder sling, snug enough to keep its wing steady. (You couldn’t resist decorating it with a few plastic gem stickers from your scrapbooking supplies. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem to mind.)

But there’s one thing that has you deeply worried—it won’t eat. Its stubborn refusal to touch food has left you stressed out all weekend. Which is why, on this Sunday night, you’re sitting cross-legged on your bedroom’s carpeted floor with the shattered remains of your ceramic piggy bank in front of you, counting the pitiful savings you’ve scraped together for emergencies. You’ve decided to take the poor creature to the vet tomorrow. Its lack of appetite and still-limp wing have been gnawing at your conscience.

“Maybe this is enough for the consultation fee and some meds?” you murmur, flipping through the thin wad of bills in your hands.

So focused on your counting, you barely notice the pacing crow in front of you. It seems just as distressed at the idea of you draining your savings for its upcoming vet visit, if its insistent cawing is anything to go by.

“Don’t worry,” you reassure it, gently patting its soft head. “I can take the morning off tomorrow so I can have your wing looked at as soon as possible. It’ll be some hours of income lost, but it’s okay!”

It caws louder, practically begging you to reconsider.

Morning arrives, and you’re up and ready to head to the vet. Just as you move toward the bird—currently pacing frantically along your windowsill—to place it in your makeshift carrier, the sharp ringtone of your phone cuts through the room.

Frowning at the unregistered number flashing on the screen, you hesitate before accepting the call and bringing the phone to your ear. “Hello?”

“Good morning! Am I speaking with the assistant to the Akso IT department’s manager?”

The voice sounds oddly youthful despite the professional introduction. “…Yes?”

“The manager has requested your urgent assistance in 30 minutes. Thank you for your prompt action.” Without waiting for a response, the call ends abruptly.

You lower your phone, staring at the screen in disbelief.

For a moment, you consider ignoring the call and sticking to your plans for the day. But then you remember how your manager has a way of making your life miserable when things don’t go his way—and the fact that you’re flat-out broke.

With a resigned sigh, you shove the phone back into the pocket of your jeans and turn to your crow companion, now still and watching you intently.

“Something from work came up,” you mumble, gaze downcast. “I’m sorry. I’ll do my best to get back this afternoon. If I don’t make it, I promise I’ll take you to the vet tomorrow, okay?” You glance at its injured wing, anxiety twisting in your chest at the thought of leaving it untreated any longer.

After quickly changing into something more office-appropriate, you lean down to place a gentle kiss on the bird’s head and scratch its chin. You miss the way its tail fluffs up and the soft coo it lets out as you straighten up. You then rush out of your bedroom and through the front door, hurrying to catch the bus at the end of the street.

A heavy silence settles over the now-empty house. Moments later, the faint creak of the front door opening again pierces the quiet. Then, the bedroom door swings open, revealing Luke and Kieran, clad in their signature crow masks and hoodies adorned with devil horns.

“Let’s go!” Luke shouts, lunging toward the bird.

Mephisto caws indignantly, pecking at his hand in protest—still annoyed, it seems, at their earlier failed attempt to snatch him.

The twins’ laughter echoes through the house as they make their exit, Mephisto’s shrill caws following.

—

You’ve been home for less than five minutes, and already you’re tearing the house apart, frantically searching for your midnight-feathered companion.

“Little crow, are you here?” Your voice trembles as you call out, your eyes darting from room to room with growing urgency.

It’s been a while since you’ve felt this way. Not the exact same feeling, but somewhat eerily similar.

Grief.

You’d been so sure the bird would be waiting for you when you got home, just like it had every day for the past few days. But the moment you found its pillow—and your entire room—empty of its presence, panic had clawed its way into your chest.

Deep down, you know it must’ve escaped. Your window was slightly ajar when you began your frantic search, even though you swear you wedged your trusty old toothpick into the lock last night. But there the toothpick was, resting neatly on the embroidered pillow.

At the end of the day, it’s just a wild animal. It doesn’t owe you anything.

You sink onto the edge of your bed, chest heaving from the effort of running around the house. Your eyes fall on the empty pillow sitting on the windowsill, and a hollow ache settles in your chest.

Somehow, you had hoped it wouldn’t leave you, too.

A sharp glint catches your attention from the corner of your eye. Turning toward it, you’re startled to see the mess beneath your makeshift treasure display. The gifts your other crow friends had brought you are scattered haphazardly across the floor. The display is tucked into the small alcove in the corner of your room, so it’s no wonder you hadn’t noticed the mess until now.

But then your eyes land on the new centerpiece of the table.

A mound of red gems, gold coins, and jewelry now occupies the space, gleaming in the light.

Atop the pile rests a single, glossy black feather.

note: 🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛✨✨✨

nav: one, two (current), three, four, five, six or: read on ao3

check out my other works!

[mcrdvcks]

what are hands for?

chapter summary: After an offhand comment from your father shakes your confidence, you find yourself spiraling into self-doubt.

word count: 2.4k+

pairing: Logan Howlett x fem!reader

notes: i'm not even gonna lie, this is extremely self-indulgent. i've barely been home for a week and my dad's already called me fat once and it definitely won't be the last time

anyways, i basically wrote this for myself but i thought i'd share it because i know for some people, being home for the holidays is rough! and the only thing i need is for logan to tell me he loves me and everything would be perfect

warnings/tags: insecure!reader, reader has a brother, skipping meals, implied that reader has received rude comments from family before, reader describes herself as 5'7" and over 200 lbs one time (like i said, self-indulgent), curvy!reader, angst, fluff

You have always had mixed feelings about going to your parents’ house for the holidays, or even during your breaks during college. You loved home, it was where you grew up so naturally you were supposed to love it.

But you also hated it. Hated the comments, the looks, the yelling—all of it.

And somehow here you were, standing in your parent’s quaint house, your younger brother and his girlfriend already in the dining room helping your mom with dinner while your dad greeted you and Logan.

"Hey, kiddo," your dad said, pulling you into a quick, half-hearted hug before turning to Logan with a small smile. "Logan. Good to see you again."

Logan gave a polite nod. "Good to see you too, sir."

Your dad’s gaze flicked between the two of you for a moment before gesturing toward the dining room. "Everyone’s in there. Why don’t you join them? Dinner’s almost ready."

Logan looked at you briefly, a silent check-in, before heading off. "I’ll go see if they need help," he murmured, squeezing your hand lightly as he passed.

The air shifted the second Logan stepped out of earshot. Your dad turned back to you, giving you a once-over that was a little too long for comfort.

"You’ve put on a little weight, haven’t you?" he asked, his tone casual, as if he hadn’t just landed a verbal punch to your gut. "Must be all that mansion food."

Your chest tightened, heat creeping up your neck. You opened your mouth to respond—what, you weren’t sure—but he didn’t wait for an answer. He just patted your shoulder like it was nothing, muttered something about checking on the turkey, and walked off, leaving you standing there alone.

In the back of your mind, you knew you should’ve put on a different shirt, this one was just a tad bit too tight. But it was one of Logan’s favorite’s, so you didn’t pay too much attention to it.

You pulled on your blouse a few times, trying to get it to not stick to your stomach before walking into the dining room like you always did when you were younger, with a fake smile.

---

You huffed, yanking the seventh shirt over your head and tossing it onto the growing pile on the bed. Nothing looked right—nothing felt right. Every shirt clung too much, hung awkwardly, or just didn’t sit right. And with each outfit failure, the voice in your head grew louder, echoing your dad’s casual remark.

You tugged at the hem of your tank top, staring at your reflection in the mirror with narrowed eyes. “Stupid,” you muttered, turning to the side to inspect your profile. “It’s just a shirt. It’s fine.” But it didn’t feel fine.

After another long minute, you grabbed a loose hoodie from the closet and pulled it on, letting it drown you. It wasn’t what you’d planned to wear, but at least it hid everything you didn’t want to see.

You made your way downstairs to the kitchen to grab a quick breakfast before your class. On the counter were a box of donuts, and without thinking you grabbed the two you normally did in a napkin and made your way out.

But not before pausing at the doorway, a bite already taken out of one donut as you looked down at the food in your hand. You took another bite and threw both away, making your way to your classroom before the kids got there.

You got to the classroom a good twenty minutes early, dropping your bag onto the desk with a sigh. The hoodie you’d thrown on still felt too heavy, too obvious, but you didn’t have the energy to deal with it right now. The two bites of the donut you’d managed to eat sat like a stone in your stomach.

You busied yourself setting up for the day, pulling worksheets out of your bag and lining them up on the desk. It wasn’t much, but focusing on something, anything, kept your mind from wandering too far down the spiral. The kids would be filing in soon, their chatter filling the space, and that would make it easier. It always did.

But for now, the silence was suffocating.

There was a soft knock on the doorframe, and you looked up, expecting one of the students. Instead, it was Ororo. She leaned casually against the frame, a warm, curious smile on her face.

“Morning, Y/N,” she greeted, stepping into the room. “You’re here early. Everything okay?”

You forced a smile, nodding as you shuffled a few papers around unnecessarily. “Yeah, just… wanted to get a head start. You know how Mondays are.”

Ororo tilted her head, clearly unconvinced but kind enough not to push. “If you say so,” she said, her tone light but probing. Her gaze swept over you, lingering for just a second on the oversized hoodie before she caught herself. “Well, let me know if you need anything.”

“Will do. Thanks, ‘Ro.” You gave her another tight-lipped smile, hoping it looked more convincing than it felt.

She hesitated for a beat before nodding and stepping back into the hallway. As soon as she was gone, you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding.

The classroom slowly came to life as the students trickled in, their energy filling the room and pushing your thoughts to the background. By the time the lesson was underway, you were almost able to pretend nothing was wrong. Almost.

It wasn’t until later that day, during lunch, that it all came rushing back. The teachers’ lounge was unusually crowded, laughter and conversations bouncing off the walls. You slipped in quietly, grabbing a bottle of water and a granola bar from the counter before finding a corner to sit in.

From across the room, Logan caught your eye. He was leaning back in one of the chairs, arms crossed, but the second he saw you, his expression softened. He gave you a small nod—his way of checking in. You nodded back, offering a faint smile.

You didn’t miss the way his brow furrowed slightly, though, or the way his gaze lingered for just a moment too long before he turned back to his conversation with Scott. It wasn’t like Logan to hover or push, but you knew he noticed things. And he never let them go.

---

After classes you went into the kitchen to put your mug in the sink from hours ago. Out of habit, you grabbed a few cookies Ororo had made yesterday before stopping yourself.

You stared at the cookies in your hand, your frown deepening as your dad’s words replayed in your mind like a broken record. Your stomach churned, and for a moment, you felt like throwing the cookies straight into the trash.

“What’d those cookies ever do to you, darlin’?” Logan’s voice startled you from your thoughts. You turned to see him leaning casually against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest. His gaze wasn’t accusing, just… observant.

You hesitated, gripping the cookies tighter. “Nothing,” you muttered, trying to sound nonchalant. “Just… wasn’t really hungry.”

Logan raised an eyebrow, pushing off the doorframe to step into the kitchen. “Didn’t seem like you were thinkin’ about that a second ago,” he said, his tone teasing but gentle. “Something on your mind?”

You shook your head quickly, putting the cookies back on the plate. “Nope. Just tired. Long day.”

He didn’t look convinced. Logan had a way of reading you like an open book, and you hated it sometimes. Hated how hard it was to hide from him, even when you wanted to.

“Darlin’…” His voice was softer now, his hand reaching out to brush yours. “What’s goin’ on?”

You sighed, leaning against the counter and crossing your arms. “It’s nothing, Logan. Seriously.”

He stepped closer, tilting his head to meet your eyes. “Y/N, you know I don’t buy that. You’ve been off since we got back from your folks’ place.” His voice was low, steady. “Talk to me.”

You hesitated, chewing the inside of your cheek. The last thing you wanted was to unload all this on him. But the look in his eyes—genuine, steady, patient—made it impossible to deflect.

“It’s just… something my dad said,” you admitted finally, your voice barely above a whisper.

Logan’s jaw tightened, his expression hardening. “What’d he say?”

“It’s not a big deal—”

“Y/N.” His tone was firm, but not unkind. “What’d he say?”

You exhaled sharply, avoiding his gaze. “He… made a comment about my weight,” you mumbled, feeling your face heat up. “Said I’ve been eating too much mansion food.”

Logan’s expression darkened, his brows knitting together. “He said that?” His voice was low, dangerous. You nodded, still not looking at him. “That’s bullshit,” he muttered, his hands clenching into fists at his sides.

“It’s not—he didn’t mean it like that,” you tried to defend weakly, though you weren’t sure why. “It’s just how he is. And, it’s not like he’s wrong either, I could lose some weight. I’m 5’7” and over 200 pounds, and sometimes my old pants don’t even go over my thighs or hips. And—”

Logan held up a hand, cutting you off gently but firmly. “Alright, stop. Just stop.” His voice was low, steady, but there was a protective edge to it. “First off, I don’t give a damn what your old pants fit like. And second, your dad? He’s got no right to talk to you like that. None.”

You opened your mouth to argue, but Logan stepped closer, tilting his head to meet your gaze. “Nope. Not hearin’ it, Y/N. You’re sittin’ here pickin’ yourself apart ‘cause of some stupid thing he said, and that’s not fair. Not to you.”

“But he’s not wrong,” you muttered, looking away. “I mean, look at me. I’m—”

“Perfect,” Logan interrupted, his voice firm. “You’re perfect. And I don’t wanna hear you say otherwise.”

You scoffed, shaking your head. “You’re just saying that.”

“Do I look like the kind of guy who just says things?” Logan shot back, raising an eyebrow. “Princess, I’m the last person to sugarcoat anything.”

You hesitated, your arms crossed tightly over your chest. Logan sighed, stepping closer and resting his hands lightly on your hips. “Y/N, you’re strong. You’re smart. And yeah, you’ve got curves—and I happen to like ‘em. A lot.”

Your face heated at his words, but Logan wasn’t done. He gave your hips a gentle squeeze, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You think I’d be standin’ here, chasin’ after you, if I didn’t think you were incredible? Come on now.”

“I’m not fishing for compliments, Logan,” you said quietly, still not quite meeting his eyes.

“I know you’re not,” he replied. “But I’m givin’ ‘em anyway, ‘cause you need to hear it. And because it’s the damn truth.”

You couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, despite yourself. Logan grinned, clearly pleased to have gotten a reaction out of you. “There’s that smile,” he said softly, brushing a strand of hair out of your face. “Missed that.”

The knot in your chest loosened just a bit, and you let out a shaky sigh. “Thanks, Logan,” you murmured. “I just… I don’t feel like myself sometimes, you know?”

“I get it,” Logan said, his voice softer now. “We all got our crap to deal with. But you don’t gotta deal with it alone. Not when I’m here.”

You gave him a small nod, the corners of your mouth twitching upward. Logan’s smirk returned, and his hands slid from your hips to the curve of your thighs, his fingers grazing lightly. “Besides,” he said, his tone turning teasing, “you know what these thighs are for, right?”

You blinked, caught off guard. “What?”

He grinned, his hands squeezing gently before lifting you up. “For my hands. Nothin’ else they need to do, far as I’m concerned.”

You yelped in surprise, grabbing onto his shoulders. “Logan! Put me down!”

“Nope,” he said, a smug grin plastered on his face. “Not until you stop talkin’ nonsense about yourself.”

You glared at him, though the heat rushing to your cheeks betrayed your indignation. “I’m serious, Logan. I’m not exactly lightweight—”

“Good thing I’m not exactly weak,” he interrupted smoothly, his grin widening. “You think a couple extra pounds are gonna make me break a sweat? Sweetheart, I’ve fought Sentinels and lived to tell the tale. Trust me, I got this.”

You groaned, your hands tightening on his shoulders as he adjusted his grip, holding you securely. “This is ridiculous.”

“What’s ridiculous is you thinkin’ you’re anything less than perfect,” Logan countered, his tone softening just a bit. “Now, you gonna stop beatin’ yourself up, or am I gonna have to carry you around all day until you do?”

“Logan, we’re in the kitchen,” you hissed, glancing toward the doorway. “What if someone walks in?”

“Let ‘em,” he said with a shrug. “Not like they don’t already know you’re my girl.” He leaned in closer, his nose brushing against yours. “Besides, anyone’s got a problem with me lovin’ on you? They can take it up with me.”

You huffed, but your lips twitched into a reluctant smile. “You’re impossible.”

“Yeah, but you like me anyway,” he teased, setting you down gently but keeping his hands on your hips. “Now, what do you say we grab those cookies and actually enjoy ‘em? ‘Ro made ‘em for us, after all.”

Your gaze flicked to the plate of cookies, and for a moment, doubt crept back in. But Logan’s steady hands on your hips and the unwavering warmth in his eyes grounded you. “Okay,” you said softly. “Let’s eat the cookies.”

“That’s my girl,” Logan said, pressing a kiss to your forehead before reaching for the plate. He handed you one, grabbing one for himself, and took a big bite, chewing with exaggerated enthusiasm. “Damn, these are good. Think she’d notice if we finished the whole plate?”

You laughed, the sound lighter than it had felt all day. “Pretty sure she’d kill us.”

“Worth it,” he said with a smirk, taking another bite.

You rolled your eyes but bit into your cookie, letting the sweetness melt on your tongue. For the first time in what felt like days, the weight on your chest eased just a little.

And when Logan leaned in to steal a crumb from the corner of your mouth, you couldn’t even find it in yourself to protest.

[moonstruckme]

ok request coming in

poly!marauders play a prank at a holiday party where they spike the eggnog, but reader doesn’t get the memo and ends up drinking it. they find reader totally out of it, guilt and groveling ensue as they take care of them

Finally, the oldest request in my inbox! Thanks for being so, so patient anon, and thanks for your request <3 I varied it slightly but I hope you still enjoy it

cw: spiked/drugged drinks (if it makes it better they were only trying to drug bigots? (I know it doesn't really make it better))

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 852 words

Someone has found James’ eggnog. Well, really it’s all of their eggnog, but it was James’ idea to spike a bottle of the stuff with befuddlement draught, tie it up in a ribbon, and leave it in the Slytherin dorms for Snape and his lot to find on Christmas morning. The marauders had hidden the bottle in the Gryffindor common room until then—they couldn’t very well be found to be keeping prank materials in their dorm again—quite well, Sirius had thought. Still, he perhaps should have known better than to think that a room full of merry, intoxicated students wouldn’t unearth it. 

James is trying to wrangle the students who’ve drunk it, Remus has gone to whip up an antidote, and Sirius, by a combination of luck and willful argumentation, gets to watch over you. 

“Do I have wings?” you ask. You’re sitting on Sirius’ lap, his hands planted on either side of your hips to keep you there. 

He raises his eyebrows. “Have you had wings before?” 

“No,” you say, perplexed. You lift and lower your elbows experimentally. “I think I do now, though.” 

“You don’t, lovely girl.” 

You watch your arms a moment longer, and then the look you give Sirius is near pitying. “I think only I can see them,” you tell him sympathetically, “but I’ll show you. I can fly down from the top of the stairs.” 

You start to get up from his lap, frowning when Sirius plonks you right back down. 

“Sirius,” you say, suddenly stern, “I can prove it. I’m telling you, it’s probably a side effect of that thing Remus said I took.” 

“I have no doubt this is an effect of what Remus said you took,” he agrees, running his thumb over your hip through the material of your jumper. “And our Remus is a very smart boy. Considering that he told you to stay put right here, I think we ought to listen to him, don’t you?”

You’re growing sullen. “You don’t believe me.”

“My darling,” says Sirius, “you would make a very beautiful bird, but I like you even better without wings.” 

Your lips purse into a concerned pout. “Then what are you going to think of me now that I have them?”

Sirius isn’t entirely sure what to say to that.

Luckily, he sees James and Remus moving about the room in his peripheral vision. Sirius waves Remus over, spotting the vial he holds in his hand. 

“What, only one left? Did you really leave our girl until last?”

“We had second years trying to sled down the staircases.” Remus comes to sit beside the both of you. “We had to prioritize. Sorry, dovey.” He kisses you on the cheek. Your mood seems to lift slightly. “You seem to be fairly placid over here by comparison.” 

“Hardly. She keeps wanting to jump from high places.” 

“Well, yes, that’s what befuddlement draught does,” Remus says drily, unstoppering the vial of antidote. “It makes people reckless. Things you ought to know if you plan to distribute it, I reckon.” 

Sirius ignores the jab, taking the vial from Remus and lifting it to his nose. “Oh, fuck.” He recoils. “Merlin, Rem, you couldn’t dilute it with something nicer? That’s got to taste like ass.” 

“You’d know,” you chirp. “You eat plenty of it.” 

Remus snorts, and Sirius makes an appalled scoffing noise. “Reckless indeed!” He pinches your chin, not enough to hurt. “Alright, my loveliest nuisance, bottoms up.” 

Despite Sirius’ warnings you drink it without hesitation (perhaps the recklessness at play), gagging only once the vial is empty. James comes up behind you then, rubbing between your shoulders while you cough. 

“I’m sorry, lovie,” he says ruefully. “This should never have happened. We’ll have to start hiding our impending pranks more safely.” 

“Or,” Remus suggests, “you could stop trying to drug other students and then being surprised when it backfires.” 

Sirius pats your boyfriend’s thigh. “Be realistic, love.” 

“Ugh.” You smack your tongue against the roof of your mouth. “I feel…weird.” 

“It’ll probably take a few minutes for the effects to wear off fully,” Remus tells you, his expression going soft as he focuses on you. “Do you feel alright, sweetheart? Sick?” 

You shake your head, though you’re still grimacing, rolling your tongue around in your mouth as though it doesn’t fit. “No, I’m okay. Not sick.” 

“Are you upset?” James frets. 

Remus shoots him an exasperated look, but you only tilt your head at him consideringly. “I don’t think so,” you say. “Ask me tomorrow.” 

James looks a bit unsettled, but Remus rubs your leg, smiling slightly. “Smart girl,” he murmurs. 

“Can I let you go now?” Sirius squeezes your hips teasingly. “Or do you still think that you have wings?” 

James’ eyebrows lift. “That she what?” 

“I’m not going to try to fly anymore,” you say placidly, laying your head down on Sirius’ shoulder, “but you don’t have to let me go either, if you don’t want to.” 

“I can tell the effects are wearing off already.” Sirius stamps a happy kiss to the side of your head. “That’s my girl.”

[saintwyfe]

࿐ ˚ . ✦ YOU'RE KILLING ME, JUDE! jude bellingham

summary. holidays are meant for reuniting with friends and family. your ex? i think that depends.

cw. crack, a thing or two of cursing. not proofread.

wc. 1283

your ex-boyfriend, jude, knew how to push your buttons. it didn’t help that you were next-door neighbors.

so, when you’re back home from uni for the holidays, he finds himself staring at your window, every now and again. accidentally, of course. your room isn’t pitch black, but dim enough to read the pages from a book on which your attention is anchored.

he catches himself staring for quite a long time. it’s not until his dad yells for him downstairs that his eyes divert. then, he jolts toward his closet, trying to find some clothing to slip on as beads of water drip down his back.

he scratches his arm as he finally makes it to the kitchen to find his dad. he doesn’t say anything when he realizes that his parents are sharing a laugh with a guest—your mother—at their kitchen island.

“jude!” your mother, helene, gasps when she realizes he’s standing a few feet away from them. her arms open as he walks closer to engulf her in a hug. “haven’t seen you in forever—how are you?”

he pulls away, a smile etching the corner of his lips as his hip nudges the corner of the island. his parents are looking at them, burgeoning excitement, as they watch them reunite. after all, it’s been a while since the two families have had a proper get-together. years, probably. 

“just football, y’know. always football.” he cocks his head as her fingers reach up to pinch his earlobe. 

“gosh, you and jobe get taller every time i see you two,” her head shakes in bewilderment, despite only getting to see him once, maybe twice a year. of course, they’d grow just a tiny bit every time.

he wraps around the kitchen to grab a glass of water from the fridge. and they’re… still staring when he turns around. “speaking of jobe, where is he?” he tilts his head, narrowing his eyes once he’s figured that he hasn’t seen his younger brother since noon.

helene’s finger points in the direction of her home, next door. “he’s over hanging out with nate [your brother!]. fifa, i think.”

he shrugs his shoulders, nodding his head. “figured he’d be doing that.” carefully placing the empty glass in the sink. “i’ll head over there, then—just to see if i can join.” 

“the door’s open. you’re fine to just walk in” helene waves goodbye and watches as he towards the front door.

giving the adults a quick goodbye, he slips some sandals on before walking a few steps next door. and of course, the only noise coming from the quiet house is upstairs, to the right. he follows the sound of the two boys yelling and cursing obscene things at each other. but, his body follows the door opposite nate’s, making a sharp turn toward your door. he stands before the door, leaning on the frame as he contemplates talking to you. after all, it’s true that he’d never gotten over his high school lover, the girl next door. but suddenly, the door opens, and his eyes widen in shock.

“what are y—” you stand in front of him, your voice slightly hoarse before he covers your mouth with his palm, redirecting the two of you into her room before shutting the door. thankfully, nate and jobe were still taunting each other in the other room, loud enough for no one in the house to hear the door shut. he locks the door shut, not pulling away his palm until you’re sitting on the corner of your bed, staring up at him with seething eyes as you try to tug his wrist away.

“if i let go, you’re not going to scream,” he mutters, his knee nudging the comforter next to your legs as he looks down at you with slight fear. you’re dumbfounded, tempted to bite the skin of his palm. shaking your head in confusion while furrowing your eyebrows, he slowly retreats his hand from your lips.

you wipe your lips, huffing as you scoot back on the bed. “what the fuck are you doing here?” 

he steps away a reasonable amount. “uh—my mom, she invited you over for dinner. i figured i’d come over and ask mys—”

“your mom has my number,” you interrupt him, giving him an annoyed look.

“doesn’t matter. it’s still nice to offer, y’know.” he retorts, giving you a smug look as he sassily crosses his arms. “clearly you don’t know anything about being nice, cursing your guests over. you haven’t changed a bit, y/n.”

you raise an eyebrow in confusion, humor… surprise? you didn’t know what to think. to scream, or to burst out laughing. “are you high?”

“what? am i high?” his jaw drops as he feigns offense. and this is when he goes off about how it was actually out of his kind nature to take time from his night to come over and offer dinner, and how your mom would be offended if she’d heard you tormenting him like this. you just stare for a few seconds as he rambles. then, you get the bright idea to lock his knees together and get the six-foot-one man onto your bed. 

“WHAT ARE YOU DO—” he shrieks, but your hand covers his lips before he can finish his thought. someone from across the hall has definitely heard, and your heart can’t help but race, though the door is locked. you breathily giggle as you look at the door for a few seconds, sitting on his lap, and meeting his eyes with a you better hope no one heard look. your lips hover to his ear, taunting him in the same way he did just a few minutes earlier.

“are you gonna scream?” you whisper in his ear, smiling cockily—in a way where he undoubtedly hears you smile in your words, despite not seeing your face. he doesn’t say anything the first time, but his hand reaches your thigh and grabs the skin tightly, slightly stinging. he pushes your buttons so easily, but you can’t help but chuckle as you lay atop your ex-boyfriend of two years.

your hand clutches his mouth a little tighter, more aggressively. “i’m not gonna let go. if you scream, we’re so fucked—you’re so fucked.” all he does is look at you with narrowing eyes. but, you cave in, trusting that he isn’t going to rat himself out this blatantly. you pull your palm away, and he retains a calm composure for about five seconds before letting out a loud screech.

your eyes widen. before you can think, your lips crash onto his, trying to shut him up. shit.

his hands reach up to caress the small of your waist, adjusting your hips to sit more comfortably on his lap. he knew what he was doing, but you can’t help but admire how much you’ve missed his lips.

but, as you’re kissing each other, a loud knock sounds at your door. 

“yo, are you good in there?” your brother, nate, asks.

your head is perked toward the direction of the door while jude stares at your lips, circling the skin of your waist. “i’m watching a show, sorry!” you can hear him shake his head and jobe giggling from across the hallway as they return to playing fifa. you look at jude in annoyance. 

“swear, you like to piss me off on purpose,” you scoff, glaring at him as you hover over his face. 

his fingers pull pieces of your hair behind your ear as he quietly chuckles. “can you do that thing again? where you kiss me like this?” 

and suddenly, you're flipped on your back, engulfed in a kiss with giggles cascading the room, and it feels like you're both 18 again.

author's note - hope you guys like this! haven't posted in literally over a year--i'm so sorry. i missed you all though!

[vad-hander]

NOW, ARE YOU HAPPY? Holiday Special

pairing: idol!Jaehyun x reader

others: idol!Taeyong

genre: one-shot, romance, light smut, fluff, angst, family au

warnings: main characters have a child together, proposal, marriage, angsty conversations, but mostly romance and family life

words: 12,5 k

________

this is a holiday special for Now, are you happy? You could read this as a separate story, but for better understanding of certain lines I suggest reading the original fic first

________

“I got it!“ You announced, the shopping bag in your arm entering the room before you. “I was lucky enough to find everything we needed at our convenience store.“ you finally lowered your hand to see your family, your voice completely changing in a little squeal “Hello my little baby angel!“ You left the bag at the entrance of your living room and ran to pepper kisses over your daughter’s cheeks. 

“She woke up maybe 10 minutes ago and was immediately upset she couldn’t see mommy.“ Jaehyun continued to bounce a little with the baby in his arms even though she was completely calm by now. 

“I think she gets upset even when she sees mommy.“ You chuckled, departing from them to pick up the grocery bag. 

“I was trying to be sweet, gorgeous.“ Jaehyun chuckled, switching his arms. 

“I know, but still“ you mused.

“Do you want to do breakfast or do you want to take care of Sohee?“ Jaehyun kindly gave you options, you looked at them getting closer to hear your answer. 

“I’ll do breakfast, thanks.“ you pecked Sohee’s cheek once again, seeing Jaehyun stick his cheek out for a kiss as well. You did exactly what he wanted - pecked his cheek and almost lost any interest in breakfast when Jaehyun’s lips caught up with you on the way back and kissed them.  

“Okay, we’ll play.“ Jaehyun announced excitedly and walked the distance back to the play rug, descending Sohee on the floor. You watched her crawl over to the bite toy she loved so much and looked away to focus on breakfast. 

“Do you need any help?“ Jaehyun called out your name, as you made your way towards the dining table to set the cutlery.

“No, the breakfast’s almost ready. Do you need help?“ You teased him blindly with a chuckle and turned around to see what they were doing. You wouldn’t be surprised if you’d see him calling for a little bit of help. They seemed to be perfectly fine, though, Sohee giggled away at the face expressions Jaehyun was making, while laying on her dad’s stomach and cuddling him with her tiny arms. Jaehyun took a loud breath in and as he leaned in and peppered kisses all over her cheeks, Sohee giggled even louder, with that pure and bright baby laugh that took all your breath away. You turned away and turned on the kettle, getting closer to your family right after. Jaehyun reached out a hand when you were close enough to sit you down next to him, when he’d sensed you wanted to get on the couch, and you not so gracefully plopped down, with your arms over Jaehyun’s shoulder, so you’d be able to lay your head on the back of your hand and not hurt yourself over his bony build. 

“I can’t believe she’s growing so fast.“ You sighed, ruffling Sohee’s short hair. 

“Want to give mommy a cuddle?“ Jaehyun whispered into her ear. “Will you give mommy a cuddle?“ you smiled, as your daughter reached out her hands to you and you leaned in, for her hands to reach you and pepper kisses on her tiny nose and cheeks. Your fingers held onto her back for support, as her moves were still wobbly. You leaned in more and took a big loud breath in off the top of her head. 

“Ugh, she smells so good.“ You admitted for the millionth time, running your fingers over her head and making her giggle at the tickling sensation. “I can’t get enough of that baby scent.“ You glanced at Jaehyun, who looked at you two lovingly, while patting Sohee softly.

“Like… a fresh human.“ Jaehyun indulged your feelings. “She’s so warm and tiny and cute and squishy. I can’t let go of her once I see her. Like these eyes are just magnetic. I feel hypnotised and suddenly nothing actually matters.“ Sohee turned her head at Jaehyun’s voice just in time and they locked eyes, the man being completely soaked in in an instance.

“I feel that too, all the time.“ You agreed because he was so right about all of it.

“Did we make a magician and don’t know yet?“ Jaehyun looked at you, only for a split second before he was glued once again to his child.

“Aren’t we just obsessed parents?“ you giggled. 

“Yeah, you’re probably more right.“ he nodded, scrunching his face up entertained. “Can you say ma-ma?“ Jaehyun sang, his eyes two crescent moons as he watched you stare lovingly at the human you created. “Sohee-ya, can you say mama?“ He sang once again. 

“Da-da.“ she replied to him, making you both chuckle inevitably. 

“Can you say na-na?“ You sang to her, Sohee losing her attention on the necklace on your neck, making you repeat yourself. 

“Na-na.“ the girl replied, moving her body back to her dad, cuddling against his chest. 

“Can you say da-da?“ You continued and with no repetition you got a very clear answer.

“Da-da.“

“Of course.“ You chuckled. 

“Can you say ma-ma, though?“ Jaehyun tried once again, only to be met with another fail. 

“Da-da.“ The girl said once again and looked at you with her big baby eyes.

“No singing for mama, I guess.“ you dropped your head back in desperation, only to lower your eyes and see these two being in their own world, Jaehyun peppering kisses over her temple, while Sohee tried to bite onto Jaehyun’s shirt sleeve.

“She looks just like you, not like I’m complaining, but she also only ever calls out for dada and if you’re there, only wants to cuddle with you. I carried her all those months and thought that’ll give us an unbreakable bond, but somehow all she wants is you.“ You pouted and squinted your eyes a little, Jaehyun not even trying to hide his amusement with a smile, his dimples popping the deepest, reaching out a hand to caress your cheek. 

“I actually think she’s a perfect copy of her mommy.“ His thumb tickled your jaw.

“Yeah?“ You rolled your eyes a little unamused. 

“Yeah, always clinging onto me, calling my name and asking for kisses and cuddles.“ Jaehyun bit his lip, watching you push away from his touch a little. “I think since you carried her while being so down bad for me played a role in her mental build. You’re very clearly bonded and she just wants and does what her mom does.“

“You mentioning my love for you in that way kind of makes it sound like you’ve got a very big head.“ You gave him a look.

“If I were you I’d be going around doing the same, though.“ He returned the look. 

“Well my head’s not that big so I’m keeping your obsession with me very private, unlike you.“ You quickly got up, sensing he’d want to touch you somehow and moved around the room.

“So you do admit you’re all obsessed with me.“ Only to pause when he finished his sentence. You licked your teeth, shaking your head disapprovingly, watching Jaehyun move Sohee onto her play mat. The biggest grin not leaving his mouth even for a second. 

“Oh, shut up.“ Jaehyun stood up, catching up to you, attaching himself to your back, wrapping arms over your torso. 

“I’m sure if it was appropriate, you’d glue to me like that, right baby?“ His lips lowered on your shoulder blades at last words.

“Mmh.“ You agreed, trying to make yourself sound as dry as possible, and pressed a button on the coffee machine, moving over the room to check on the rice cooker. You didn’t even need to do that, it would beep, once the rice is cooked, but you just had to busy yourself to not give in and cling onto Jaehyun like he wanted you to. He continued to move with you, glued to your back, helping you reach the tallest cupboard to get a teabag out of it, helping you close it and dispose the packaging into a bin. 

“Oh, by the way,“ he paused, watching you pour the water over the bag. As soon as the kettle touched the kitchen counter, Jaehyun continued to speak “Bad news, I got my schedule for December from my manager.“ He paused, his palm leaving your waist to squeeze your fingers.

“Yeah?“ You held your breath, fidgeting with kettle, you grabbed it once again, to place it back on it’s designated spot. He already said it was bad news, what exactly were you expecting?

“I have schedules on both Christmas and New Years Eve.“ You gave him a nod and grabbed both your cups to place on the table, Jaehyun let go of you with how suddenly you moved around. “Don’t go quiet, talk to me.“ He caught up to you, nudging on your neck with his nose, sensing that you were upset.

“See, I told you.“ You sighed, it was obvious, you knew those schedules are going to be confirmed before they were actually set and both his manager and Jaehyun were informed. Nothing ever changes. “It was obvious, every year’s the same.“ You really didn’t understand what he was hoping for and why did he even think anything would change. No one cared he had a baby, no one should even know he had one. Jaehyun being busy on holidays was a very normal thing to you, you always knew it, but somehow his hopefulness also made you believe in impossible. 

“I still had a little hope.“ He admitted.

“I don’t know what you were hoping for.“ You shook your head. Not in a disapproving or upset way, just matter of factly. You never stood a chance against his job, you were lucky enough to work it our for yourself pretty early, it kept you sane through all those years.

“I’m sorry that it’s like this again this year. You were right, saying we can’t be a normal family.“ Jaehyun’s voice changed, the hold on your body got tighter. You could feel he was constantly reflecting on all the words you told him when you tried to run away from him, and it constantly made you not well, because he was making his life difficult, when the only intention of your words was to hurt him enough he’d stop loving you. 

“It would be a very blatant lie, if I said that I enjoy loneliness on holidays. But it’s not your fault and definitely not something to be sorry about. I was expecting this to happen, so I’m not actually upset. I’m more upset your hopes were crushed.“ You turned around in his hold, caressing his cheeks with your fingers. “You might be away for holidays, but we’ll have you for the whole of January and then some more, and we will have the best birthday celebration for you and will be the perfect little family, while we still have time. Before she has to go to daycare and I will return to the office and all your schedules pile up like crazy.“ 

“About that-.“ You almost rolled your eyes, you knew exactly the words Jaehyun wanted to tell you. How he didn’t see a point in your return to the office, and there was no point in Sohee going to daycare. He had the perfect plan in his head, you loved his plan, it was still difficult for you mentally to just put all of you on his shoulders, it really felt like you wouldn’t like yourself anymore if he did that, you really didn’t want to go down that spiral. Work was the only thing to keep your mind occupied from spiralling down a hole of pathetic fear, sometimes loneliness and even helplessness.

“No, no, no. It’s not a discussion for this beautiful morning. Shh.“ you silenced him with your words, also closing his mouth with your lips on top of that. You weren’t about to give in to the devil and leave work, cause you knew for sure it’ll be so painfully hard to go back this time, if even possible at all.

“Still, it’s our baby girls first Christmas and we can’t even have a proper family celebration. I feel like shit.“ Jaehyun admitted, resting his forehead against yours. 

“I’m sure she will not see any difference if we move Christmas by one day. Don’t beat yourself over this. You’re the best to both of us, always.“ Your voice suddenly turned to whispering and your mouth covered Jaehyun’s once more. 

“I just hope she knows daddy loves her.“ He cooed, making you pause.

“It’s been months…“ You swallowed a chuckle, moving your head away from Jaehyun. “and I still can’t get used to you calling yourself daddy.“ You couldn’t hold back a smile, when Jaehyun gifted you the sauciest grin.

“Why can’t you, mommy?“ Jaehyun asked teasingly, leaving a kiss on your temple.

“Agh-.“ you shook your head disapprovingly, once again. “We’ll just stick to our tradition of celebrating in the morning, it’s our little thing and I love it. And I love you.“

“Love you.“ Jaehyun nodded his head and you tickled his nape to lift his spirits.

-

“How did your beloved boyfriend take our schedule for the upcoming month?“ Taeyong teased over the phone, clicking of his mouse feeling very much like home, you could almost close your eyes and imagine yourself in your old apartment, before Sohee made a noise that signalled she’ll start crying in a second and your eyes shifted to the watch. 

“Oh, wait, it’s Sohee’s lunch time. I need to feed her.“ Your feet took you quickly over to her play mat. 

“Like, now?“ Taeyong asked and the tone of his voice made you chuckle.

“Well yeah, it’s not like she’s going to sit and wait patiently until I finish talking with you.“ You shouted, hoping your voice would still make it through the phone as you walked away.

“But I’m here?“ 

“Yeah, and you’re on voice only, why you’re scared? and you’re on speaker, by the way. She’s totally listening.“ you gave your baby a smile and squatted to get her in your arms.

“Oh hello my little bundle of joy.“ Taeyong cooed over the phone in the sweetest tone. “It’s uncle T.“ He changed his voice back to normal as he addressed you. “Did she recognise me?“

“I think she did, she’s smiling. Wait, let me get her to food.“ You settled on the couch, your phone finally next to you and Sohee ready to get her milk. 

“Food?“ 

“My boob, Taeyong. I just didn’t want to say it like that. I didn’t want you to think of my breasts-“ you sighed exasperated, lifting your shirt up. 

“I wouldn’t think of your breasts even if I was paid for it-“ he sounded disgusted, you were glad he did.

“I-.“ Still there was an urge to fight with him on the topic, if only Taeyong would let you speak.

“Okay, can we quit the boob talk.“ You nodded in agreement, even though he could not see you. “What did Jaehyun think of the schedule? He didn’t read my messages. Where is he, anyway?“

“Shooting his brand deal.“ You bragged a little. 

“Oh okay.“ Taeyong chuckled.

“Yeah he’s a big boy now.“ You laughed in unison with your best friend.

“So you’re avoiding the question because he was upset?“ Taeyong cut straight to the chase.

“He was, but we agreed that it’s okay.“ You pressed Sohee against your chest and felt her mouth on yourself.

“I’m a little worried for him and the way he’s been doing things.“ The clicking of Taeyong’s mouse paused, it made you alert. He only paused his games at serious matters. 

“Why?“you tried to be nonchalant. 

“He’s got that baby fever real bad.“ Duh, he very clearly does. You wouldn’t say it in Taeyong’s face, it’s clear. 

“He seems fine to me.“ You lied to not get yourself all over the place once again. He did get the baby fever, he was obsessed with Sohee and spending time with you two, you could see it was physically hard for him to leave the house. At first you thought he’ll get over it as the time passed by, that he’d settle with the idea that he’s a dad now and lay back a little. He didn’t, it felt like he got more and more attached with every hour passed. You didn’t want him to feel like that, you didn’t know how to stop him from going through this. Talking to Taeyong stressed you out, you really wished you could go back in time and show Taeyong the things he says to you now, when you did very much warn him of the consequence. 

“I feel like he’s losing his senses and the less careful he is, the more open you two to a risk. I only worry about you two being exposed to public, I know how much you’d hate that.“ It felt like Taeyong was beating around the bush and you weren’t about to jump at it and ask him straight what he wanted. No, thanks.

“Ugh, should I worry? What do you mean?“ Taeyong was very generously adding up to your anxiety. 

“He’s just doing exactly what you were predicting.“ 

“Well yeah, that’s what I told you would happen. Ouch!“ You exclaimed and moved Sohee over to the other side.

“What’s wrong?“ Taeyong asked confused.

“Nothing?“ you squeezed your eyes in pain. 

“Are you sure?“

“Yeah, breast-feeding hurts, that’s it.“

“It does?“ He seemed scandalised.

“Apparently yeah, unfortunately you’re not told that beforehand.“ Or maybe you are, if you planned a pregnancy beforehand, you probably would’ve read these things.

“But how does it, she doesn’t have teeth?“ You wanted to tease Taeyong once again, how he really wanted to talk about your boobs today, you held back, though.

“Do you really want me to go into detail how nipples chap and hurt like hell at certain angles because she latches on wrongly sometimes?“

“I have so many questions at that, enough boob talk for one day though.“

“Yeah.“ You chuckled in response, very glad to stop the conversation. 

“I’m sorry though.“ He did sound sorry, you were thankful he cared for you at all costs.

“It’s fine, thanks.“

“So, about Jaehyun.“ Ugh, yeah. You kinda hoped he’d get completely distracted at that.

“Yeah?“ You made a question as you sighed out.

“Can you talk to him? How he should stop doing what he’s doing and get back to normal?“ Taeyong paused every two words, as if he expected you to interrupt him. You just sank deeper into the couch with every two words. You had no idea how to make Jaehyun stop. He was just a girl dad through and through and it came before anything else for him since the day he found out. 

“Ugh, but I don’t know what he’s doing that doesn’t seem normal?“ You took multiple steady breaths, trying to sound casual, trying to not make Taeyong hear how you were blatantly lying and running away from this conversation. “I have no clue what you do at work.“ You were pretty honest at that part, you wouldn’t dare to see what they did at their work - you liked to imagine they were working in finance, or maybe real estate? Anything would be better than thinking of hundreds of thousands of people having an opinion about your close family - one thing is reading them drool - the other is bad mouthing them at every given chance. You went through that with Taeyong years ago, you would never want to even get a glimpse of that on the man you truly loved. “To me, he’s doing normal things, more family oriented, but normal.“ Taeyong sighed. “Just wait for his frontal lobe full development.“ You tried to crack a joke to be more natural.

“And when is that supposed to happen?“ Taeyong sighed once again. You tried to think what age it was meant to be, scratching your temple.

“Agh, scratch that actually, I think by now it’s fully developed.“

-

Your eyes darted from the screen of the TV onto your phone, your mom called you most likely to wish you a very Happy New Year and you picked up, cozying up more into the cushion. 

“Hi mom!“ You chirped, your voice sounding foreign even to your ears since you haven’t really spoken much today. 

“Hello darling. How are you all doing?“ You had to clear your throat to not sound so funny anymore. 

“We’re great. Sohee’s sleeping, I’m watching her and telly.“ Your eyes switched between TV screen and baby monitor.

“We were just watching Jaehyun on TV!“ Your mom announced happily and you smiled, you did just watch him too. 

“Yeah, me too.“ You smiled.

“He’s looking very handsome and happy. It’s a good thing everything worked out well for you two.“ she stated in the I told you so manner. 

“Yes, mom, I know.“ 

“I hope we’ll finally see you get married next year-“ oh wow, what a wild turn for a conversation.

“Mom, we have not planned that at all.“ You meant that you’ve been back together for less than a year after that so called break and since you’ve gotten back together there was not a single chance to talk about marriage, or proposal or making any moves in that direction. Your only focus was Sohee.

“I know honey, I’m just saying we’d be happy to finally see you in a wedding dress.“

“Okay-.“ You nodded, confused. “Happy New Year, mom, wishing you and dad to stay healthy and happy.“

“Thank you honey, your dad is calling me, Happy New Year, bye-bye.“ You dropped your phone on the couch right next to you, your eyes suddenly focusing on the fact that it’s almost midnight, the show you were watching had all celebrities out on stage and you suddenly became very busy, trying to find in the crowd full of strangers your best friend and the man that you loved. Cameraman somehow focused on Jaehyun right next moment and you jerked back on the couch shocked, catching a glimpse of Taeyong, who suddenly waved and smiled at the camera. 

Now that you’ve seen them, you were so invested in what was going on. One of the announcers, who also happened to be Taeyong’s friend you recognised, let everyone know that they’ll start the countdown after a short break and you watched that commercial break like it was the best directed movie. Broadcast returned back to the dome this concert took place in and big numbers popped behind everyone’s backs and as the numbers got lower your heart trembled, because you really wished you could teleport just for the briefest moment next to Jaehyun to give him a kiss. You watched the number change every second. 5…4…3…2…1…  Your phone vibrated as soon as the countdown hit zero and fireworks ran over the screen and you looked down at what it was. So caught up in the notification you forgot how you wanted to wish yourself a Happy New Year. 

From: love

Happy new year, gorgeous

I love you 

Give our baby girl a kiss

And I’m gonna kiss you as soon as I get home

You were so perplexed, Jaehyun was on TV just a minute ago, how the hell did he manage to text you in the process of doing it all? Stupidly enough you tried to dial his number, what if this was pre-recorded and you didn’t know? Expectedly, you were met with no answer on his side, you watched TV for a few more moments in case you’d get a glimpse of him, finally texting him back. 

To: love

How did you get your phone out? I’m so confused

I love you so-so much! Happy new year <3

When exactly am I getting my kisses?

Sohee says she loves daddy too

I hope you’re not staring into the phone like a lovesick fool

Your eyes glued once again to the screen, trying to see Jaehyun in the crowd of celebrities. Your eyes rolled down onto the phone and your messages were read. You looked once again at the screen and different singers were raising their mics to take their parts in the song, but you couldn’t see Jaehyun. You turned off the TV and with tiny steps got to your babies’ crib.

“Are you sleeping well?“ You asked, running your eyes over a child, that breathed steadily “Mommy and daddy love you, happy new year, Sohee-ya“

You watched her sleep for a little while, sitting yourself on the floor. Soon enough it felt a little cold, you crawled into your own bed.

“Hey, gorgeous.“ Jaehyun whispered next to your lips.

“You’re back.“ You raised your head from the pillow, smashing your foreheads on accident, but more importantly, smashing your lips. 

“Yes, love.“ Jaehyun’s palm caressed your back and you pulled back when you needed more air in your lungs. “Happy New Year.“

“Happy New Year“ you pecked his lips once again “What time is it?“

“A little over 1am?“ You opened your mouth surprised, he must’ve teleported home.

“Did you run away early?“ You chuckled, running your fingers through his hair.

“I did. Couldn’t calm myself down until I get to kiss you.“ You melted and kissed his mouth once more. “Are you tired? Did Sohee not behave herself well?“

“No, I just felt cold and got in bed and somehow drifted off. Sohee was on her best behaviour and been sleeping very well.“ 

“We shouldn’t jinx it, I guess.“ Jaehyun smiled and caught your fingers in his.

“Yeah, we better not.“

“So, would mommy not mind if I asked her to get out of bed? And spend a little time together, before it gets too late to pretend like we met the New Years together?“ He laced his fingers through yours and pulled you to sit more.

“Of course, daddy.“ You beamed and Jaehyun stood up, only now allowing for you to see his attire.He was still wearing the suit you saw him in on the stage.“ Did you really, run away?“ Your fingers mindlessly rubbed the collar of his shirt. 

“I did.“ He admitted once again, grabbing your waist to help you stand up. 

“You look handsome, like you always do.“ You cooed, running your hand over his chest and hooking it around his waist. 

“Thanks, love.“ Jaehyun pecked your temple. 

“Wait, if you’re in a suit. Should I put on the dress I had prepared for New Years?“ your face rubbed against Jaehyun’s chest as he teased the skin of your back under your sleeping shirt.

“You prepared a dress?“ He asked softly.

“Before you said you’re busy this year too, I had a little hope you’ll be home, since you believed in it. I didn’t want to tell you, because I knew you’d get all puppy-sad.“ You pulled back and caressed his soft cheek. 

“You should definitely wear it then.“ Jaehyun let go of you and watched you run over to the wardrobe and you took off your sleeping shirt and pants, looking through the closet for the dress, taking it off the hanger and slipping inside it in one swift motion. 

“I even bought new heels in case we’d go somewhere. Wanna see?“ You beamed through the mirror reflection, as you saw Jaehyun walk over to you, wrapping his arm over your solar plexus and peppering your neck in warm kisses. 

“You’re so hot, and sexy, and everything I ever could’ve dreamed of. How are you a real person?“ you felt your body get hot, your fingers instantly wrapping over Jaehyun’s neck to move his face to yours, he fought with you, as his tongue was drawing warm trails over your neck.

“Can’t believe what a cute dress does to you-“ you teased in a whisper. 

“Can’t believe what you are doing to me, I didn’t even see the dress properly in this darkness.“ Jaehyun hugged you tighter, pecking your collarbone like he always does and stared at you through the mirror. “Oh, wait, the heels, you said, sure put them on.“ He let go of you and suddenly the world felt so cold and miserable. His palm patted your bum for a boost and you disappeared inside the wardrobe once again. 

You really fought with the wish to just cling onto him and looked through the shoe rack with super speed, taking the heels out of the box and bringing them in your hands to Jaehyun. Slowly putting both shoes on the floor, you put your feet inside and finally got your face on the same level with the man. He smiled and wrapped your waist once again.

“I actually brought something, let me show you.“ He moved his fingers onto your palm and lacing his fingers through yours dragged you to the living room. As soon as your feet made a single step you paused. The loudest click of the heel against the flooring made the both of you stop. While you were talking in half whispers it slipped your mind that the clicking of the heels will be so loud and potentially could wake Sohee up. 

“Oh damn, Imma take these off.“ You sighed disappointed, already leaning back down to take them off. 

“Hold on.“ Jaehyun stopped you and you straightened your back back up, ready to hear him say anything, when he suddenly bent his body a little, wrapping his arm under your knees, and the next second his back straightened and your body lifted off the floor. You wheezed, probably making more damage to Sohee’s sleep than the heels and closed your mouth with both your hands. “Didn’t I say to hold on?“ Jaehyun smarted with a smirk.

“Oh my god, no, put me down.“ You hissed at the way he held you bridal style, escorting you two to the living room.

“Just a moment, love, I’ll put you down when you’ll be at our destination.“ Jaehyun walked over the living room, lowering your feet to the floor next to the kitchen isle.

“Oh no-o-o.“ You cooed immediately. “You’re so insanely sweet.“ You looked over the table that had the prettiest cake, a bottle of champagne and some very prettily boxed Jeju tangerines.

“I thought that despite us missing New Years Seoul time, it’s definitely New Year somewhere else every hour. We could just pretend we’re in a different timezone.“ Jaehyun bit onto his lip, looking at your reaction, smiling as soon as he was able to see your pouting face. You were honestly touched. He should’ve just gotten back home and fallen asleep immediately. He was on his feet since 4 AM, just a little over 2 hours before it turns into 24 hours and still he thought of you. 

“I love you.“ You whispered, covering Jaehyun’s mouth with yours. Your lips carefully moved over his bottom one, running your tongue over it, to feel the plumpness. “I love you so-so much, sometimes it even makes me sick that I can love a man like that.“ you bit onto your lip, watching Jaehyun biting onto his lip harshly to stop his smile.

“It’s the least I could do.“ Jaehyun ran his fingers over your cheek.

“The least is giving me a kiss and going to bed. You’re doing the most, like you always are.“ Jaehyun pecked your mouth once, and then once more and suddenly you were kissing each other hungrily, every other thought leaving your brain as Jaehyun’s tongue swiped against your lips rhythmically. 

“Wait, let me see the time.“ Jaehyun pulled you back to see the clock on your oven. “We should open the cake, it’s almost 2. We can’t miss this one too.“ 

“My wish already came true.“ You murmured, tapping the tip of his nose with your finger, his eyes making a circle with mischief on his face. He really had a joke in his head cooking up.

“Well, mine didn’t yet.“ cocky eyebrow challenging you for an answer. 

“Oh, it didn’t-“ you teased “We must have different dreams I fear, then.“

“Mine’s not that far from realising so we’ll see.“ Jaehyun teased and worked his fingers over the bottle of champagne. “Do you think Sohee could somehow taste champagne if you’ll have any?“ 

“I don’t think a sip or two does anything.“ You chuckled unsure, it must really be nothing. Your fingers fidgeted with the cake box, finally retrieving it from the packaging. You could see only now how the top of it was decorated with fireworks and champagne glasses, saying happy new year. “Where do you want the candles?“ You looked at Jaehyun, that walked back to you with two champagne glasses. 

“Ugh, let me see.“ he not so carefully plopped glasses over the rock counter, making your heart jump a little at the sound the glass made, watching him close the distance between your bodies. He purposefully flushed his whole body against you, wrapping arms around your shoulders. “Huh, let me see.“he repeated himself in a funny manner. Jaehyun grabbed your fingers, guiding your hand with one candle to a spot in the centre. He pressed the candle into the cake and pressed his teeth into your neck at the same time. The only reason you didn’t jump away was his other hand, that snaked over your waist and gripped the counter. You exclaimed more surprised than in pain, it wasn’t a nasty painful bite, he just bit down lightly and swiped his tongue afterwards. You processed what he did for a second, chuckling right after.

“What is it?“ You craned your neck to see his face.

“What is it?“ He repeated, trying to give you an innocent look. 

“Why are you being weird?“ You squinted your eyes, maybe he was just a little tipsy?

“I just wanted to bite you.“ He shrugged and stole all left candles from your hand to put them into the cake, trying to give you the purest look. 

“Ah-.“ you squeezed your eyes even harder. “It’s not only the bite, you’re a little suspicious this whole week.“ 

“Suspicious in what way?“ Jaehyun gave you a look and busied himself with candles. 

“Like something good happened and I don’t know about it yet way.“ You really tried to turn around and see him, but his pelvis pressed you against the counter even harder. You had to continue craning your neck to see him. 

“No, I don’t think anything like that happened.“ He made that face again and your heart was about to explode.

“Ah, just stop.“ you shook your head and looked away. It’s safer to look at the wall in front of you. 

“Stop what?“ His nose nudged against your neck. 

“Doing this face, I’m serious. I feel like I’m going to explode.“ you tried to dodge his touch, knowing clearly it’s not possible - you were practically squished against him. 

“Just look that way, at the cake or at the clock. Let me get my phone out for the accurate countdown.“ Jaehyun suddenly busied himself, looking all over his pockets for his phone.

“I don’t care, if it’s not that accurate.“ You shrugged. It only mattered that he was right here with you.

“No, it’s important.“ He protested and seemed to finally find his phone.

“Well, okay.“ You chuckled, Jaehyun popping his phone in front of you two. He forced you to look straight onto the phone, the timing felt like he counted everything down to seconds, with the way the number of minutes turned to 59 and he not so coincidentally found a lighter in his pocket and lit up the candles. He was making you feel nervous with the way he took everything so seriously and you tapped your fingers over the counter, watching Jaehyun’s hand over the cake. He left the lighter next to the glass and propped his palms above yours, lacing them through. 

“Make a wish, gorgeous.“ He whispered into your ear, as the clock was on its final countdown and as you squeezed your eyes, still trying to peek on the watch, coming up with a wish, Jaehyun wrapped you with his body more, leaning in so your heads are on the same level. “3-2-1.“ He counted into your ear and before one even left his mouth properly, you two reached to the cake and blew out candles in unison, Jaehyun’s mouth trying to cover yours even before the candles were blown out. 

“Wait, the candle.“ a particularly stubborn one didn’t want to  be blown out, and even though Jaehyun very forcefully turned you around and licked his mouth into yours, you weren’t about to risk setting your whole place on fire. “Jaehyun.“ You gasped and he really tried to get his tongue in your mouth, before you nudged on his shoulder and he pulled back and blew out the candle with a lot of force, turning back to you in an instance. His palm wrapped your jaw, turning your head slightly for his mouth and that pleasures ecstasy spilled over your body. Jaehyun hovered more over you, his tongue taking charge of everything that was happening. You laced your fingers over his shoulder from under his arms and tried to push his body backwards, so he’d get the hint and get you two to the couch. Jaehyun did not give in to your wishes, pressing his chest more against yours instead. You could feel his arms move around, looking for your fingers and to unwrap himself from you, as he did so, he also lowered his lips, making one messy wet trail from your mouth down your chin and neck. Your arms wrapped his head as Jaehyun sucked onto your neck and you were ready to moan his name. He forced your arms off his body once again, allowing himself to go even lower, until his knees hit the floor and you shivered, just at the thought of him lifting your dress up and peppering kisses over your thighs. Your eyes closed in anticipation of the feeling, Jaehyun ran his hand on the back of your thigh and you almost lost balance.

“Baby?“ He called out for you and you opened your eyes with a grin to see him, only to actually lose balance and swap grin to shocked shaking. Jaehyun tightened his grip over your thigh, when he felt you fall back, your arms gripping onto the kitchen aisle behind you for dear life.

“Wha-what are you doing?“ you asked with a very distinctive tremble in your voice. It was pretty clear, the action, what he was doing was obvious, you still had to check with him though.

“Asking you to be my wife?“ Jaehyun reached out more the hand that had a jewellery box in it with the ring inside. Your mouth opened at the size of the rock on it, your mouth opened at the fact Jaehyun was down on one knee on your fake New Years countdown. You were shaking now for good, tears trying to block your view. “Baby, will you marry me?“ He asked properly, blocking any sounds from your throat. You were one step away from chocking on your tears. 

“Oh my god.“ You still gripped onto the kitchen counter with one hand, the other hand trying hard to hide your shock behind it. There wasn’t a minute in your day, when you thought huh, I expect Jaehyun to propose to me this month. He hasn’t even asked you what you think of it since you got back together, he never mentioned a wedding, neither did you and it made you cry so much harder. He stuck to what you two always discussed, not being a big awkward proposal, just you and him, soaking in the privacy of each other and taking a next step with no big announcements, you and him, like it always was and always will be. 

“You’re insane.“ You gasped once again.

“So you don’t want to marry me?“ Jaehyun asked smiling, underlining the don’t with the tone of his voice. “Because I’m a little crazy? Over you, may I add.“

“I do. No, I will marry you, happily.“ You chirped, finally, colliding with Jaehyun, as he tried to get up, and you tried to get down on his level, resulting in your arms wrapped over his neck, him lifting both of you up to stand up. “My brains are all scrambled after the filthiest make out session we could ever have. I thought you wanted to eat me out, not propose-“ You gave him the tightest hug, your heart beating in your ears, as you were processing, finally, what just happened. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t meet your expectations.“ He chuckled, sliding his arm up and down your back. “Since you said yes, will you let me get the ring on your finger? And let me kiss my fiancé? I can move those kisses south, if that’s what you actually wanted.“ you unwrapped your body from his, reaching your arm out, to get it in Jaehyun’s hold, the very next moment feeling the coldness of the ring over your ring finger and finally taking a look at the ring. Jaehyun held your face, giving you the most pristine kiss he could, like he didn’t try to eat your face off a moment ago. “I love you.“ He kissed the corner of your mouth.

“I was so lonely and heartbroken around this time last year, if you would’ve not let me have another chance in this, I would’ve never been happy. Ever. I just know I wouldn’t be able to have a life without you.“

“Oh, Jaehyun.“ You whispered caressing his cheek with the back of your palm. “When we were apart, I was never happy without you. Never. Not a single day.“

“If you ever decide again that we shouldn’t be together-“ you cut him off.

“I already did all the worst things for your career - gave you a baby, made you marry me and moved you in with me. There’s not a thing I could protect you from anymore.“

-

You were sitting between Jaehyun’s thighs on the couch, your eyes focused on the ring he gave you, his - on the bare shoulder that the dress revealed to him, and he was trying to fit about a hundred kisses on it, while also having a very mild, very lazy but oh so pleasures wedding conversation with you.

“When I thought of you and proposal, I thought you’d be a sickeningly romantic type of guy, not I’ll get my girlfriend moaning and then propose type of guy?“ You teased in a whisper. 

“I just wanted to give you a new year’s kiss and then I realised I’m losing my mind and if I don’t pause immediately I’m going to lose the moment completely. I really didn’t want to ask you to marry me with my head between your legs.“ his tongue traveled from behind your ear to your jaw.

“Good choices only from my perfect future husband.“ You cooed and rested your head against his chest.

“Mmh.“ Jaehyun sighed into your shoulder blade, you could only imagine how tired he was, from all the dancing and singing, you wouldn’t mind him falling asleep like that and making you his blanket. “So… should I ask you?“

“What is it?“ You whispered back at him, stroking his forearms with adoration. 

“Now, you are happy, right?“ He shifted under you and you knew the very reason he used this exact wording. “I must be right.“ He added in, as you tried to crook your neck enough to see him.

“I am, I’m the happiest when I’m with you.“

“That’s really all that matters to me in this life.“ Jaehyun moved his mouth closer to your ear and pecked it right after. 

“Shh, it’s not and it shouldn’t be.“ 

“I could agree, but I would blatantly lie to my future wife’s face and I wouldn’t want to do that.“ His lips landed behind your ear once again.  

“Taeyong said you’ve been acting funny lately, I can very clearly see what he meant by that.“ You tried to move your head a little away from him. 

“Yeah, and what he meant by that?“ Jaehyun teased, continuing to kiss your nape.

“Like you’re plotting something and not telling anything about it…“ you walked around it carefully. 

“Well, I did, plot something.“ Jaehyun brushed his fingers over the rock on your ring. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s not what he meant. He knows you very well, and I kinda know you too.“

“Yeah, kinda.“ His throaty chuckle tickled your ear. 

“Will you tell me?“ Jaehyun sighed.

“I was thinking,“ you gave him a nod, because he paused and made you nervous. “I’ve asked company, if I could publicly announce that I’m dati-.“ You twitched in his arms as soon as your brain worked out the ending to that sentence. 

“No,no,no. Don’t even finish that sentence. If you’ll say it out loud I’ll actually believe you’re considering this nonsense.“ Your voice even trembled, you were mortified at the prospect. 

“I asked company if I could announce that I’m dating a non-celebrity.“ Jaehyun repeated himself anyway. 

“Tell me you decided to celebrate all holidays in one day and we’re on April Fool’s now?“

“I know it’s shocking, but I don’t want you to feel like you don’t matter. You’re, in fact, all that matters to me.“ Jaehyun straightened his back under you, making you as well sit more properly. 

“Jaehyun, please. Why would I even feel that? I don’t feel like I don’t matter, I only say that I don’t stand a chance against your career. It’s different!“ You raised your voice a little at the end of your sentence. 

“I just feel like now, that we have Sohee, I need to do more to reassure you.“ Jaehyun still talked back to you with composure. 

“You’re making me dizzy.“ You tried to pull away from him, so you’d see his face and give him space and fresh air to reconsider his words. He probably was either horny or enchanted by the little human you made, he never has a chance to think straight when he’s at home. Anyone would get a little out of their mind with everything that’s going on. “I begged you to not be stupid, you swore you won’t be. It’s the only thing I ask of you, always. I don’t need reckless bravery from you, she doesn’t need it either. Crushing everything you worked for just like that is insane, Jaehyun. I wouldn’t want that for you. People are insane, they won’t understand.“ Jaehyun gripped onto you like you were his anchor, not letting you move.

“It’s not that. It’s just that-, It’s the rumours in media, that I’m dating this girl, just because we crossed eyes at some show and it’s getting big and company says I should just not read it, if I don’t feel comfortable about it. It’s giving me publicity and them money, they won’t deny and it’s making me insane. I don’t even know her.“ His arms let go of you, finally, when he sighed exasperated. You could tell by the sound of his voice this stupid thing was eating him alive. You couldn’t care less for things like that. Not when he was like a lovesick puppy whenever you looked at him, you wouldn’t even think of being jealous, if he even worried about that. 

“I don’t care, who the fuck would care for something like that? I don’t read celebrity gossip.“ You turned around in his lap, finally seeing his hurt state, your fingers grabbing onto his cheek to hold his face straight forward. 

“I know you don’t, but I don’t want Sohee 10 years later to open up a page about her dad being a fucking womaniser and thinking how he didn’t even have the balls to tell the world she existed.“ He looked you in the eyes and then again lowered them onto his lap, despite you holding on to his face. 

“You paired with a new girl every month, or week, or hour, is not making you a womaniser, baby, if you’ve been dating just me, it’s nothing but words. Our daughter would never think like that of you. And she would never ask you to recognise her publicly, neither would I. If that’s what we have to live with, then we’ll have the happiest life like that.“ Your fingers caressed Jaehyun’s cheek. “You’re overthinking too much, you’re making me sick worried for you. We need to talk, if you’re still not able to adjust to this all, it’s normal. There is so much on your plate, while I get to stay at home and just take care of her.“ You leaned in, leaving a barely there touch of your lips on the corner of his. 

Emotional spectrum of the night was making your head hurt, so much in just one night even for your brain. Somehow from horny to happy and excited you were falling into depressive and dark, Jaehyun really needed a break. 

“It’s not just taking care. You’re living through exactly the reason you didn’t want to take next steps with me. I’m just so scared you’ll slip through my fingers and this time I won’t be able to safe us. I love you so much, I can’t lose you ever again.“ Jaehyun covered your fingers on his cheek.

“Jaehyun, love, you worry too much. We already have our baby, you asked me to marry you almost a moment ago. If I wasn’t ready to do that with you, I would’ve left your room on Doyoung’s birthday and never called you back. We’re here today, in this apartment that’s our home now, because that’s what both of us wanted, with all those but’s and no’s.“ You whispered against his mouth, Jaehyun’s arms moving to wrap your sides. 

“I love you.“

"I do too, and I promise you, none of my concerns have to do anything with being a secret girlfriend." you gave Jaehyun a smile. You snuggled against his chest, closing your eyes, to enjoy properly cuddling against your fiance. 

"You have concerns and don't tell me?" Jaehyun's hand on your cheek made your head crane to see him better. "Again?"

"Yes, and won't tell you because you worry too much about me." You gave him a nod and hid in his chest once again. 

"For a reason. We already went once the wrong way because of that." he patted your bum. 

"Maybe, we did, but still, I won't tell you. It won’t ever go the same path again." You reassured him once again. You would never try to leave him ever again, the hurt and the struggle, it just wasn’t something you knew how to live with. You were so glued to each other, you really didn’t know how to be separate once again anymore. 

"Now you just have to let me know, I fear." Jaehyun suddenly chuckled, and you raised your head - he smiled and you felt relieved, just a little.

"Yeah, right after I told you I won't, you’re one funny man." You smirked back and bit onto your lip, anticipating an answer.

"I have a feeling you won't laugh too much if I set my mind on getting it out of you." You saw the tongue in his mouth make a circle. 

“I would like to see that, I’m so curious you wouldn’t believe.“ His tongue ran over his teeth, with a little roll of his eyes. You really hoped the tongue movement meant he would get the answer out of you with it.

“I’m not really sure, though, you’ll be able to keep your eyes open to see. Saying this from experience, usually your eyes are closed pretty tightly, your mouth making these loud ass gasps and pretty moans.“ Oh- OH, he did mean what you wanted him to mean with that. 

“Well, feels like we should just go to bed quickly, so we could check your theory and go to sleep right after, to gracefully announce our engagement to our families in the morning?" You teased, Jaehyun groping on the skin of your butt, while you drew little circles over his chest with your pointing finger.

"Everyone knows." Jaehyun chuckled, and you straightened your back. 

"Is that why my mom said-" is this why this weird sentence even happened, that she wants to see you in a wedding dress this year? 

"And moreover everyone’s invited to early lunch at our place tomorrow. Or I better say, today?“ Jaehyun gave you a very innocent look. 

"What?! You invited a bunch of people and only said it now?“ You were ready to jump off his lap to go make the house presentable, if only Jaehyun’s fingers didn’t grip onto your wrists and held you down “We don’t have any food, the house is a mess-." you got interrupted. 

"Gorgeous, I have it all figured out. Just be your pretty self, wave and smile and make sure everyone sees your four carat diamond ring?" Jaehyun sounded and looked at you like he was a filthy rich old man and you couldn’t get enough of him, when he was bragging about his wealth like that. He was in fact filthy rich, but also young, hot, smart, funny, undeniably sexy and all yours. 

"Agh-, I feel like I’m in a fever dream whenever you act like that. At least tell me who’s invited." You involuntarily rubbed against his crotch. 

"Just our families." Jaehyun caressed your neck with his thumb. "Actually, I invited Taeyong, but he’s convinced you’d hate to see him at our improvised engagement party."

"Why would he even think that?" You chuckled and stopped your hips from moving. Rubbing against Jaehyun, while talking about your best friend kind of made you ill. 

"I have no clue, we agreed he’ll show up, if you’ll confirm your wish to see him."

"That’s funny of him." You chuckled and thought of getting up to your phone, if only your undying wish to be forever glued to Jaehyun disappeared. 

"Should I take you to bed?" Jaehyun ran his pointing finger over your chin and cheek.

"Mmh, I’ll gladly get on top of you in there too." You replied in a whisper and licked through his lower lip. 

"I won’t spare a second then." Jaehyun grabbed onto your ass cheeks the very next moment, making every cell in your body fight the scream that almost exceeded you, wrapping his hands over your waist as he stood up to hold on to you tightly. You wouldn’t fall even if he let go, your arms and legs properly wrapping him. Jaehyun crossed the living room in what felt like five wide steps even though you were sure your apartment was much bigger last time you checked. Your body fell into the softness of the mattress on your bed and Jaehyun let go of you just for a moment, to get rid of the belt on his dress pants and pull himself out of the shirt that you were pretty sure he had to return maybe by tomorrow. He then pressed you down with his bare chest more into the mattress, the promise of you on top already forgotten by both of you. Your fingers found their spot over Jaehyun’s jaw and cheeks, wrapping around them and forcing his face in front of yours. 

You just wanted to take a good look at the man that made you this happy, at the man that loved you despite your sometimes idiotic ways of handling situations, despite you trying to run away, hurt him, make him hate you. Jaehyun gave you a heartwarming smile, leaning in and rubbing his nose against yours in a warm motion of I love you. You smiled back at him, running your thumb over his lower lip.

"I love you so much, my future husband." Jaehyun smiled wider, his mouth covering yours in a lick, that changed into a proper kiss, his mouth sucking in your lower lip, until your mouth opened in a moan to let his tongue in and right after you got in a clashing of tongues because neither of you ever wishes to give up the leadership of the other. And almost every time this happened, Jaehyun would buckle his hips against you as a distraction and also as a warning - I will tease you until you regret it. 

He did just that now too, and you tried to fight back, letting go of his mouth to leave sloppy kisses down his chin and neck, Jaehyun knowing exactly your thoughts and crawling a hand under the hem of the skirt on your dress. He easily moved it up your waist and his fingers freely kneaded the bare skin of your ass, especially harshly, when your mouth sucked in the skin of his collarbone giving you a warning. Hickeys were no go zone for you at all costs, you weren’t about to give him one - you teased and got exactly what you were asking for - Jaehyun peeling your mouth off his skin and getting his own mouth on yours - overpowering you in a battle and taking the lead. 

When it came to Jaehyun, you were horny to a tremble with a snap of his fingers, if he also had time to tease - you’d be not only trembling, but also covered in pleasures goosebumps. You didn’t need much foreplay, you didn’t have the privilege of having time for much prelude either. When you think of it, it was almost always that way. First you had to be careful, quiet and quick to not get busted at his dorm, the only safe space being your apartment, you had to be all that between his schedules and your working hours, and you had to be even more than that when you became parents and kissing and teasing to your hearts desires resulted in having no actual sex, when Sohee would wake up with absolutely no warning. 

As if, babies could be giving warnings, when they planned to cry. 

Now, too, you couldn’t know for sure - if she would still be peacefully sleeping, or wake up suddenly. Jaehyun bent your leg and let go of your mouth, lowering his face next to your thighs. He worked his mouth over the soft skin there, making you shiver the closer he got his wet lips to your very much burning heat. You whispered his name, really wishing to warn him, how you don’t have time and failing miserably because of his mouth on your left thigh and before you could process the action, he pecked you through the underwear, hooking his fingers to pull your panties to the side and swipe his tongue over your centre and then slightly pull away and just breathe. Your eyes focused on him, because you could sense he was waiting for any reaction from you. You breathed heavily, Jaehyun leaning in once again, to swipe his tongue in the other direction. Your palm trying to stop him, like you really tried to catch him by his forehead and push him away, but somehow missed and grabbed onto his hair and your hand forced his mouth more against you. 

"We really can’t risk our time-" your hips jerked up with Jaehyun’s tongue swirling over you in multiple motions. "Sohee can wake up around this time-. Ah-" you breathed heavily, as Jaehyun worked his tongue over you properly now. "Baby, I’m serious." You finally pushed his head off you, you really wanted him inside of you, you knew for sure he did too, he’s going to have a very busy season soon, travel a lot, you just wanted any and every chance of burying himself inside of you to be used.

"Yes?" Jaehyun asked you lazily, like he couldn’t understand your worries, his eyes glued to the mess he made out of you. 

"Can you fuck me already?" you raised a brow at him teasingly, Jaehyun smirking back at you.

"Whatever makes my future wife happy." You smiled and watched Jaehyun dispose your underwear. You had a feeling this will be his new favourite phrase. "Come here, let me get you naked." He whispered in a soft tone, his fingers reaching out for your hands so you’d sit up and he’d be able to get the dress off you as well. He did it quickly, letting the dress fall onto the floor. Jaehyun ran his eyes over your chest, focusing on your breasts with concern. "I think it’s healing." His fingers ran the ghost of your nipples. 

"You’re just trying to make me feel better. I think she continues to latch on wrongly at times, it just hurts less."

"Gorgeous, I’m so sorry." Jaehyun leaned in, placing careful kisses around the areola of each of your breast. "It’ll be my pleasure to have you as my pillow princess." Jaehyun pushed your shoulders softly back down, his eyes still very much glued to the evidence of one of your every day struggles. 

"Stop staring, breastfeeding makes my chest ugly." 

"I hope you know how badly I wanna fight you about that, you’re lucky I can’t lose my time." Jaehyun pointed out, his fingers undoing his dress pants, that had the same faith to be dropped to the pile of clothes on the floor. 

"There are a lot of things you’d gladly fight with me about." You watched Jaehyun crawl over you and setting your legs wider apart. "Are you sure you want to get married?" You teased, running both your hands from his collarbones down to his thighs. 

"It’s my pleasure fighting with you over how perfect you are. My little miss perfect." Jaehyun cooed over you, lining himself up with you. "My almost mrs little miss perfect." He snorted a remark, diving in deep inside of you, taking all your breath away, because you thought he at least would say something as a warning. He made multiple moves, finding a pace that would not make the both of you bust too quickly. Jaehyun rolled his hips against you, burying himself deep, his thighs making that filthy sound of skin slapping against skin. Your fingers found his neck, pulling Jaehyun in, forcing him to open his mouth so you could play with his tongue. He let you, gasping as your mouth sucked on it. You shifted your legs, grasping on his waist and moving yourself towards Jaehyun as he moved towards you. Jaehyun grunted at the change of the angle, his little grunts filling the room as they accompanied every push of his hips. 

His hands were all over the place, you could clearly tell his wish of teasing your chest, how he couldn’t find the right place to put them as they always ended up halfway to your boobs. You slid your fingers onto his pelvis, stopping his action mid way, you had a good idea how to eliminate the temptation.

"What you want to do?" He smirked, pulling out of you obediently. You ignored his question, raising on your knees to slide your lips against Jaehyun’s. 

"Let me turn around." You watched your fiancé pull a little away, watching you gather duvet under your pelvis and lying on your stomach with your butt sticking out.

"I give you a ring and you chose to turn away as I fuck you, very ungrateful of you." Jaehyun teased and slipped back in, his playfulness changing in two quick motions back to grunting. You grabbed onto his fingers, that were keeping him above you, next to your head, trying to lace them through with yours but also not make him lose balance. "Do you like that? I bet you love it like that." Jaehyun lowered himself on his elbows, getting closer to your head.

You shifted, sticking your ass more up and letting Jaehyun hit the new spot and forcing a very pleasures moan out of you, him at first making the tiniest moan escape his mouth, stopping himself right after he heard you though, you were pretty sure to hear you better.

"Don’t stop making those little noises, it’s so fucking hot to hear your little cries for me, baby." You pressed your face into the duvet, it felt so good and Jaehyun moved around more, moving his palms onto your sides, forcing your back bend more for him and hitting it even deeper than before.

"Fuck-" you panted, your face against the fabric didn’t help you to get enough air in your lungs. Jaehyun also moved his arms around, pressing into your shoulder with his palm. Lack of oxygen definitely did something to your brain, you moaned into the pillow louder, your hips trying to catch Jaehyun mid action.

"I’m not lasting much longer." Jaehyun lowered his lips on your back, leaving kisses all over it. Your arm reached out for him, trying to hook over his neck to wrestle him onto the mattress. Like the man of your dreams that he was, Jaehyun was always able to read your thoughts. He moved from under your arm and plopped with his back onto the mattress. Your thighs straddled his before he could reach his hands out to you, and you lined him up with yourself, lowering with Jaehyun’s help onto him. 

"Agh-" you cried out, lifting your thighs back up and sitting back down. Jaehyun held onto your waist, helping you with every move. You opened your eyes - you wanted to see how Jaehyun was feeling. You were caught up with his stare - Jaehyun looked at you with so much adoration and admiration, his lips adorned with the tinies smile that still made his dimples visible accompanied with little grunts that escaped him eventually. You moved your palm from his chest onto his face, trying to block his view. "Stop staring." You cooed, feeling Jaehyun’s lips kissing your palm that covered them. 

"No, I want to see how long you’ll last with your riding." He smirked and let go of your waist, making it obviously harder for you to make those very rhythmical and deep motions. “Also just trying to see your eyes wide open." You moved your arm away, Jaehyun sitting up more and resting his back against the headboard, pulling you up with him like you were a paper doll. He let go of you once again, allowing you to continue what you were doing. Your hips were beginning to burn a little. Jaehyun’s mouth catching your shoulders and collarbone shifted your brain from the burning pain in your legs, not for long, though.

"I’m giving you pleasure and that’s your payback? Very ungrateful of you too. Seems like we make a perfect pair." You cried, by now he should clearly see your struggle, have mercy and take the lead from you. "What if you regret your proposal because we don’t have fun sex life?" Jaehyun tried to kiss your mouth, grabbing your neck with his hand, you moved away to see his satisfied smirk better.

"I think constant fear of being busted scrambled your brains. Now it’s not there and you think we lack excitement." Jaehyun sucked on your lower lip, you needed to push him away to return to him with a reply.

"No, I’m just constantly thinking what if Sohee wakes up now, and I haven’t heard my husband sexy moan as he cums."

"Maybe you should ask him to do things properly for you?“

"I’m afraid it’ll get to his head. He’s getting a little full of himself, when I tell him he’s the best at everything. I fear a little it’ll blow he’s head off if I also tell him he’s the greatest in fucking-." Jaehyun’s arms closed around your waist, making you sink into him with more force, your eyes rolling into your head with how good it felt. "Fuck, but he really is the greatest in this too-." You moaned and found Jaehyun’s mouth blindly, as his arms were pulling you up and down on him. 

"Oh, wait." Jaehyun very suddenly stopped holding on to you, turning his head to the watch on the bedside table "What time is it?" He asked you and looked away again. "Let me see the watch." He actually had the audacity to reach for his phone and light up the screen. 2:58, you looked together with him. Why the fuck would that information matter to him now- " Da-amn, it’s almost three, looks like it’s almost New Years somewhere else. I guess I just have to fuck you into the New Year." he dropped the phone and turned you around, so you’d be finally under him. 

"Agh, I really hate your brain-" you got interrupted with your own moan and Jaehyun’s mouth, as he slapped his hips agains’t yours in a pace that would finish you two off quickly.

-

“Sometimes I lie down and think how we almost didn’t have all of this…because of me. I’m so sorry. I was selfish and stupid.“ your fingers randomly ran over Jaehyun’s upper arm while he held you close to his heart. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, love. You have a heart so big you were ready to sacrifice your happiness for my career. It’s my pleasure being loved by someone like you.“ Jaehyun’s lips touched the top of your head.

“And the pleasure is all yours.“ You chuckled and swiftly wrapped your leg around Jaehyun’s torso, making your body straddle his hips one again. Jaehyun’s very warm palm touched your lower stomach, sliding it up to your solar plexus and between your breasts, until it reached your neck and he wrapped his fingers around it, pulling your face towards him.

“Want me to make you another baby?“ Jaehyun kissed your mouth, you could tell he was joking, if he wanted one more baby he would’ve asked you before you slid your naked body against his. “Us, a baby. I didn’t get to be with you through it all, I would pay all the money in the world if I could just turn back time and be with you two through all days and nights.“ 

“Shh, what if Sohee hears us?“ You blabbered the very first thing that came to your head to not get emotional once again.

“Well, I’m sure she can’t understand a thing, would be glad to have a sibling and already heard my attempts at trying to give her one hundredths of times, probably.“ Jaehyun clicked his tongue and rubbed your cheek.

“Stop, before I think you’re serious.“ You giggled, wrapping both your arms over his head. “You wouldn’t want two under two in one house with your schedule.“

“I would love to have whatever number of babies you would want to have with me, doesn’t matter if it’s two under two, or ten under five.“

“Ten?“ You almost laughed out loud.

“Well, if we have twins or triplets it is possible, in theory." He really considered that, huh?  "Not like I want you to do that.“

“Well, it’s nice to hear it’s just a theory.“ You couldn’t hold back a giggle and kiss his mouth. You didn’t want him to know you’d birth as many babies as he wanted, because seeing him happy was the only thing you cared for.

“We, anyway, still have to wait for baby number two for at least another 6 months or your doctor will scold me.“ He stated matter-of-factly. How would he own that information, when you didn’t? 

“Huh?“ You pulled back to hear him continue. 

“No, it’s nothing.“ Jaehyun definitely realised he wasn’t meant to say that.

“What do you mean it’s nothing, why would you say that in the first place? Did you call her? Did you call my doctor?“ You squeezed your eyes and tried to choke him with your arms still wrapped over his head and your body hovering over his. 

“I didn’t.“

“Jaehyun-“ you practiced your scolding voice at him.

“No, I swear I didn’t I’m not THAT nosy.“ Jaehyun rolled his eyes dramatically. 

“Oka-“ you almost believed his eye roll.

“I asked her in person when I was taking you two home.“ You almost chocked on air.

“And what exactly did you ask?“ 

“How long we have to wait before it’s okay for you to do that“ he moved his body under yours in a thrust “again and possibly get pregnant.“

“You’re- insufferable.“ You chocked half way. It suddenly hit you that he did, in fact, want another baby ASAP. 

“She was sweet about it.“

“I bet she was, you paid too much money for that hospital.“ You snorted.

“It’s not about money, it’s about you two having the best things I could possibly provide.“ You gave a peck to the corner of his lips, Jaehyun’s hand squeezing your bare thigh under the duvet. 

“So what did she tell you?“

“Nothing much.“ He once again tried to play pretend.

“You’re a terrible liar Jeong Jaehyun, just say it.“

“That our baby is a big girl and I need to keep it chill for at least two months and that your body would probably heal in about 12 or 18 months depending on how fast everything goes back to normal.“

“You refused to have sex with me because of that?“ You were actually scandalised now.

“Did I? When did I?“ He scratched his head with humour, you wanted to smack him, because the first month of celibacy was obvious - your body needed it, your mind needed it, you were readjusting to new life while also healing. Second month was purely on Jaehyun and you couldn’t understand why exactly after Sohee’s 2 months celebration he dragged you to the bedroom like a caveman, when you were always there for him to take.

“You know that vaginas do not heal by magic two months sharp after pushing a baby out?“ You had to say it in the same matter-of-factly tone.

“But yours did?“ He smiled innocently. 

“Way before that and I’ve told you times, baby boy.“ You teased. 

“Mmm, baby boy? That’s new, I almost forgot you were an old lady.“

“I hope you know I hated this so bad.“ You sighed, plopping yourself on his chest.

“I know, gorgeous, I know.“ Jaehyun kissed the top of your head once again and like a magical spell you drifted to sleep.

______

I bet no one expected these two to return, especially as a family of three, it's been a few years and I've decided an open ending doesn't mean we can't imagine what could've happened to this couple. hope you enjoyed!

and I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas!

and will have a very blessed New Year :)

[clarii]

Always Near

Summary: You’ve always been there for JJ, but when he pushes you away, everything changes. With time and distance, the weight of unspoken feelings grows heavier for both of you. Can broken bonds be mended, or will the past stay in the way?

Pairings: JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst, tension, hurt/comfort, and a soft, heartfelt ending.

Author’s Note: This is my first published story, and I’m so excited to share it with you! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it. Feedback is always welcome! Also, I hope you guys had a great holiday!

The summer heat was unrelenting on the Outer Banks, but the Pogues were used to it by now. Sunburns and sweat were part of the deal, as was the endless chatter among the group. You were nestled into your usual spot on the HMS Pogue, sitting across from JJ Maybank. His sun-bleached hair glinted in the sunlight, and you couldn’t help but grin as he tried—and failed—to tie a fishing knot properly.

“Need help, pretty boy?” you teased, your voice light, even though your heart felt heavy with unspoken feelings.

“Got it,” he replied, flashing you that mischievous smirk that never failed to make your stomach flutter.

Everyone knew about your feelings for JJ. It was as obvious as the freckles on his sun-kissed face. You made no attempt to hide it, either. Why would you? From the matching bracelets you had made for the two of you to the way you always called him nicknames, it was clear you adored him. JJ was your world, even if he didn’t see it that way.

The Pogues teased you mercilessly for it, though never in a mean-spirited way. Even JJ seemed to tolerate your affection, brushing it off with jokes or lighthearted jabs. But deep down, you couldn’t help but wonder if he ever thought of you the way you thought of him.

The incident with Barry changed everything.

Tensions were high after the fight to get JJ’s stolen money back. Bruised and angry, JJ lashed out at anyone who got too close. You’d followed him after he stormed off from the group, wanting to make sure he was okay.

“JJ, wait,” you called, jogging after him. “You can’t just run off like this.”

He whipped around, his blue eyes blazing with frustration. “Why not? What do you care?”

Your heart sank, but you tried to push through his anger. “Of course I care. You’re—”

“Enough!” he snapped, his voice cutting through you like a knife. “Stop trying so hard, okay? Stop always being near me, always fussing over me. It’s suffocating.”

The words hung in the air, heavy and cruel. You stared at him, feeling the tears prick your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. “Fine,” you whispered. “I’ll stop.”

And you did.

After his outburst, you’d done what he asked. You pulled away. Stopped calling him nicknames. Stopped showing up at the chateau with snacks or little gifts. And JJ didn’t come after you, at least not at first.

But that didn’t mean it didn’t bother him.

“Something’s wrong with you,” John B said one night as they sat on the porch, watching the stars.

“I’m fine,” JJ replied, fiddling with the bracelet you’d made him.

John B raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been off for weeks. You’re not yourself.”

JJ hesitated, staring at the worn beads on his wrist. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s Y/N, isn’t it?” John B pressed. “You miss her.”

JJ sighed, leaning back against the railing. “Of course I miss her. But it’s not like I can just fix it. I screwed up.”

“So, apologize,” John B said simply.

“It’s not that easy,” JJ muttered.

“Sure, it is,” John B shot back. “Stop being a coward and tell her how you feel. You’re miserable without her, JJ. Everyone can see it.”

JJ didn’t respond, but that night, as he lay in bed, John B’s words echoed in his mind.

It wasn’t easy to get you to talk to him again.

The first time he tried, you brushed him off.

“Can we talk?” he’d asked, his voice uncharacteristically soft.

You didn’t even look at him. “I don’t think we have anything to talk about.”

“Please, Y/N.”

You hesitated for a moment, your eyes flicking to the bracelet still on his wrist, but then you shook your head. “No, JJ. You told me to stop, so I did. Now you have to live with it.”

Weeks later, after that conversation you found yourself back on the beach with the Pogues. The tension had eased slightly, but things between you and JJ were still strained.

As the group sat around the fire, JJ caught your eye from across the circle. This time, he didn’t ask for permission. He just stood up and walked toward you, his expression more serious than you’d ever seen it.

“Y/N,” he said quietly, “can we talk? Please?”

You sighed but stood up, letting him lead you a little way down the beach.

“What do you want, JJ?” you asked, your voice tired.

He didn’t answer right away, his gaze fixed on the sand. When he finally spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” you asked, crossing your arms. “For telling me to stop trying? For making me feel like I wasn’t enough?”

JJ winced. “For all of it. For being an idiot. For pushing you away when all you were trying to do was help.”

You blinked, taken aback by his honesty.

“I didn’t mean any of it,” he continued, his voice cracking. “I was angry, and I took it out on you. And when you left, it made everything worse. I didn’t realize how much I needed you until you were gone.”

“JJ…” you started, but he cut you off.

“I know I don’t deserve it,” he said, stepping closer. “But I need you to know that I’m sorry. And I—I love you, Y/N. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember, but I was too scared to say it. Too scared to admit that you’re the best thing in my life.”

Your breath caught in your throat. “You love me?”

JJ nodded, his blue eyes shining with emotion. “Yeah, I do. And I know I don’t deserve another chance, but if you give me one, I promise I’ll never take you for granted again.”

For a moment, you just stared at him, your heart pounding. Then, slowly, you reached out, your fingers brushing against the bracelet on his wrist.

“I loved you then,” you said softly. “And I love you now. But if you screw this up again, Maybank, I’m done.”

JJ’s face lit up with relief, a grin spreading across his lips. “I won’t. I swear, sunshine.”

And as he pulled you into his arms, the sound of the waves crashing behind you, everything felt right again.

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

Just imagine that. Axl. Tying Y/N up. Like a christmas present

Warnings: smut, bondage, sextape (not really, Axl takes a bunch of pictures), use of toys, if you think I missed anything let me know otherwise enjoy!

“Stop moving so much.” Axl grumbled, tugging on the ribbon wrapping around your arms. “I’m almost done, just sit still.” You giggled as he tightened the velvety material around your wrists, fastening a bow to it.

“Are you done yet?” You asked, getting antsy. You wanted to send out holiday cards this year and Axl was more than up for it, but he asked if he could do his own as well. Of course you accepted, but when you found out what his idea was you just got more excited.

He wanted to wrap you up like a present, all done up and pretty with some sparkly festive makeup, the card was only going out to his friends and you didn’t mind getting a little slutty for them for fun. Axl pulled away and looked down at you, ankles tied together, thighs strapped to your calves. Your arms were laced together behind your back, Axl had spent almost an hour on it to get it just right.

Finally, you were perfect. A wide smile spread across your face as he looked down at you, he cupped your face in his hand and snapped a picture of you with your cheeks slightly squished. “Now open up.” He instructed. You listened and he took another quick shot of you.

He took a few more from different perspectives, playing around with your position and expressions. Until he got an idea, nothing seemed quite right but he figured out what it was that you needed.

Axl crouched down to your level and pecked your lips. “I’ll be right back, don’t move.” He teased, you scoffed at him and watched as he left, unable to get that smile off your face.

Axl returned several moments later to find you in the same position, on your knees in the middle of the decorated room. In his hand was a vibrator. Your eyes widened slightly, catching on to what he was doing. He knelt in front of you and hit a button, the thing whirred in his hand as he tucked it under you, perfectly pressed to your clit, causing you to gasp. “Just sit pretty, sweetheart, I’m gonna make you all pretty for the cards.”

All you had to do was sit still and feel good, it was easy as could be. Axl wasn’t often all too easy but now he just sat in front of you, palming himself through his jeans and hissing at the rough fabric rubbing on his growing bulge.

Your hips bucked, desperate to reach your high that was quickly approaching. “Can I- can I cum? Axl, can I?” You asked, barely clinging to whatever was keeping the floor clean. Axl nodded with a chuckle.

“Darling, I want to see you cum as many times as you can, alright?” That was a worrisome statement, Axl could bring you to the brink of insanity with this toy, but with the way you were feeling… in the moment, you didn’t care what he did.

The knot snapped, your body trembled and your eyes rolled back. He didn’t move the toy, you knew he wouldn’t but it didn’t change the way it was abusing your clit. Your moans filled the room while Axl sat back and smiled at you, still grinding into his hand through his jeans.

Your mind was full, your legs hurt, especially your knees from just kneeling on the ground for so long. Your shoulders ached from being pulled back. Tears welled in your eyes as the toy overstimulated you, bringing you closer to another high.

Axl finally undid his jeans and pulled himself out of them, stroking himself slowly as you came undone a second time. “That’s it, that’s my good girl, just one more and I’ll let you stop.” He said, standing up and taking a step closer to you. “Now open up, darling.” He said, taking your jaw in his hand again.

You opened your mouth to let him slide down your throat. There was no mercy, he was already close and you were whining so pretty, he couldn’t help himself but to fuck your face.

Tears rolled down your cheeks, dripping off your jaw. Your eyes were red and drool dribbled down your chin. You choked and gagged on him, he got another picture of you. “Taking me so good, darling, so-so fucking good.” He groaned, head rolling back. His fingers laced into your hair, he moved your head for you.

He was pulsing down your throat, your aching cunt was pleading for the vibrator to stop, but it felt so good. Your mind went blank, eyes rolling back. Axl pulled out of you and jerked himself off the rest of the way, hot spurts of cum shooting onto your face.

He didn’t bother with himself for a minute, he took a few more pictures of you with bliss all over your face while the toy still worked on you before turning it off and letting you rest.

Axl took his shirt from off ground and

[chelseasdagger]

Teacher - Chapter III

Frank Castle x Inexperienced F!Reader

Summary: Frank invites you to hang out with him at a bar on the outskirts of town. After some good food, and lots of teasing, you get invited back to his place to take care of the problem you caused him.

Warnings: age gap (reader is in her early 20s), mentions of drinking and smoking, cursing, grinding, detailed handjob sorry, slight praise kink

Author's Note: I am so incredibly sorry for how long it took for this chapter to come out!! I had a lot of life issues that delayed this, but I'm pretty happy with how this turned out so please accept this super long chapter as my apology/holiday gift!! And if you want to be added to the tag list just let me know. As always, reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated :) Leave a comment or shoot me an ask!! I'd love to hear what you think!

Word Count: 9k

Previous Chapters: I, II

“So I was thinkin’… Said you didn’t get many experiences even after high school, right?” Frank asks. His voice slightly muffled through the phone, which is wedged between your ear and your shoulder as you drag the spatula over the food you’re cooking on the stove. He had randomly rang you out of the blue and, after attempting to control your breathing, you answered the call. This was what he chose to greet you with and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t confused by the topic of conversation.

“Good morning to you too,” you tease, the food sizzling as you flip it in the pan. “But no, I haven’t. Why? What’s up?” you question.

“There’s this bar on the edge of town,” he begins his offer. “Little bit of a drive but they got good food,” he explains. 

“Tempting…” you trail off, trying not to immediately agree just because it’s Frank. “Who all is coming?”

“Just me,” he replies. “That alright?”

“Yeah!” Your answer is too loud and far too fast to be playing it cool. After cursing yourself mentally, you try again. “Yeah, I was just wondering if it was a whole… get-together thing.” Your voice grows quiet at the end, not wanting to plant the idea in his head that you’d prefer it if there were more people.

Honestly, you were surprised he was reaching out this soon after the bonfire. It was one of the best nights of your life. Whenever you think about it, there’s this warmth that rushes through you; you’re not sure if the heat was from the big flames or his strong chest you laid against all night.

“Nah, just me. Just thought it would be somethin’ you might like,” you push the spatula around in the teflon pan as he speaks. “Plus it’s another thing off the list, right?”

“Yeah, it is! Thanks, Frank,” you say cheerily as you turn the burner off and open the cupboards to grab two plates.

“No problem, kid. Just thought about you, y’know?” You sink your teeth in your lower lip to calm yourself down before another thought comes to mind.

“Oh! When are we going?”

“Tonight,” he answers nonchalantly and your eyes grow wide. “If you’re free.”

You seriously weren’t expecting him to want to see you only two days since you two were last together. In your head, Frank is so calm and collected and you’re practically certain that this… thing you two have going on isn’t as big of a deal to him as it is to you. Still, you try not to question too much why he actually seems to enjoy having you around. Instead, you decide to just take the good as it comes.

“I am, I can do tonight. But I’m not sure I have something to wear. Is it like a club? Should I dress up or is it more jeans and—?” You don’t even realize when your voice picks up in speed and the questions fly out faster than you intend for them to, but Frank is quick to center you out of the beginning of your spiral.

“Just wear somethin’ cute, alright? I’ve seen some of your outfits, sweetheart, you’ll be fine.” You bite the inside of your cheek at his comment and inhale deeply before sighing. “I’ll pick you up at six, okay?” You hum an agreement as he confirms the time and say a goodbye before hanging up.

As you pull the phone away from your ear, you see an incoming text from your best friend drop down from the top of the screen.

“I’m two minutes away! I can’t wait to hear everything.”

That night when you got home from the bonfire, she had sent many texts in hopes of finding out the reasoning behind the newfound closeness between you and Frank. In your exhausted and slightly inebriated state, you told her that you would have her over Saturday morning to explain it all to her. You were much too tired to string the words together and you also know how she can tend to put her own emotions onto words; the last thing you needed was for her to hear the little arrangement you and Frank have and blow it out of proportion.

You set the table as you wait for her, making sure to leave a mug beside her plate for her tea that tends to be the staple of her breakfast. By the time the food is divvied up for each of you, there’s an impatient knock at the door. You shake your head with a smile as you open the door and she’s pushing past you as the questions immediately begin to roll off her tongue.

After guiding her to the small dining table in the kitchen, you watch her sit down and her eyes never stray from you. Her voice continues to fill the air as she talks over herself; there’s no distinct end to one sentence and the beginning of the next. By the time you’re sitting beside her and about to dig into your meal she finally covers her mouth, stopping all the enthusiastic queries she desperately wants to know.

“I’m gonna let you talk,” she mumbles behind her palms. You laugh at her attempts to force herself to be quiet and pick up a forkful of your food.

“I promise you it’s not as exciting as you think it is,” you warn her before popping the food in your mouth.

You start at the beginning—trying to skim over the details of your not-so-controlled crush on Frank as well as the more heated parts of the things you two have done together. Excited gasps fill the space surrounding the dining table and you watch as her eyes go wide when you mention it was his idea. Her mouth gets the better of her though and she begins to ask more questions while you speak. You make sure to answer all of them in time, save for a few chuckles here and there, before finishing your last bite.

“I actually have a question for you now,” you start again, watching as confusion washes over her features. “Frank called me this morning and he wants to take me out to this bar he likes. I just don’t know what to wear and I was hoping… you could help me?” You hesitantly look up to face her and you’re met with a beaming grin.

“Is this a date?! Is this the first one? Are you going back to his place after?” You shake your head once again as the sudden influx of questions fill the air.

“No, it’s not a date. I mean… I don’t think it is?” you let your thought process be shown aloud and watch as her giddy expression comes back to the surface. “It’s not! We’re just friends and he’s doing me a favor. I’m sure of it.” You decide then and there that you can’t afford to hold out hope and expect more than what he’s given you—which is already so much.

She raises her eyebrows up from behind the rim of her mug and you scoff at her knowing look. You brush your hand through your hair and try your hardest to not let your anxiety creep in about the idea of being on a proper date with Frank Castle.

And so together the two of you spend the afternoon diving through your closet together for something that could fit. It felt similar to a movie montage where the teenage girls toss different colorful fabrics through the air. With a growing pile on the floor of your bedroom, she gasps once you stand in the completed outfit.

“That’s the one!” she says excitedly before tugging you towards the bathroom. “Time for makeup!” She eagerly pats for you to sit on the counter while searching through your, admittedly limited, makeup bag. Doing the best with what she’s got, she gets to work on the eyeshadows and blush, finishing up with a curl of your eyelashes and combing mascara through them. You always loved how focused she got when it was time for something special; her tongue pokes past her lips as she concentrates, her eyes squinting to get the very last detail to sit right.

Once she’s satisfied, she spins you around to see yourself in the mirror and you’re actually surprised at how nice it all came together. You’re wearing an oversized, comfy jumper, tights that line your legs, and a black skirt that accentuates your frame. It’s not too fancy, but the black tights make your outfit more sleek and you silently hope that Frank will like it. As you fluff your hair up to give it some more volume, you thank her behind a wide smile.

A buzz of excitement rushes through you as you wait by the front door and hear the heavy revving from the engine of Frank’s van. You physically shake your arms in an attempt to let go of some of the nerves that built up and your friend gives you a quick hug.

“You got it, baby!” she encourages sweetly. “Have fun!” she calls out as you slip past the door. Making your way down your porch steps, you hear her shout something else from behind you. “Don’t do anything stupid!”

You chuckle at her warnings and make your way to the big, black van. You open the door and find Frank sitting with his elbow on his armrest and his head in his palm as he turns to face you. You stand there for a moment and await his initial reaction to your outfit. His eyes widen slightly before they rake over your boy, his lips parting as he takes it all in.

He brushes his thumb along the defined line of his jaw before sinking his teeth into his lower lip. His eyes settle on the small slit of the skirt that rests high on your thigh. There’s a pause for a moment before he finally speaks up.

“Told you you’d find somethin’ cute.” He fixes his posture and gives you a smile as you roll your eyes and sit in the passenger seat. Being with him felt easy now—of course there’s still the butterflies, which you’re expecting to make a permanent home in your stomach any day now, but it’s mostly when you’re about to see him. When you’re actually in his presence, it all fades away and you love how comfortable he makes you feel.

If you had told yourself a few weeks ago that you’d be on a half hour car ride with Frank Castle to the outskirts of town, she probably would’ve brushed it off as some sick joke. But here you are, sitting beside him and watching as he flips through radio stations until he settles on a classic rock song. You enjoyed getting to discover little pieces of him the more time you spent with him.

As he drives under the lamp posts longing the winding roads, you watch as the passing lights illuminate his face before it’s cloaked in shadows of the night once again. Each time you move underneath them, light showcases his features in a warm glow for mere moments at a time. You think your new favorite thing might be when the gleam seeps into the small dip in the bridge of his nose. That small highlight makes you smile and he catches it as he turns to look at you once you’re stopped at a red light.

“What is it?” he questions, his eyes squinting slightly as he looks at you. With a shake of your head, you face back to the light strung up in the air. His gaze doesn’t leave the side of your face though, and you know he’ll want an answer.

“This is just nice,” you shrug your shoulders. “Thank you for thinking of me,” you add. You want to make sure he knew how happy you were to be doing this, despite your quiet nature due to your fear of somehow screwing this up with your words.

“Haven’t even done anything,” he laughs softly.

“Well, I’m still enjoying myself,” you reply in a gentle tone. Frank doesn’t say anything more as he continues to look at you. The light changes and a green glow washes over your face, queuing him to face the open road once again. You glance down as his hand moves to the gear shift, trying not to focus too long on how the veins in his hand are accentuated as he curls his fingers around the knob.

Frank speaks up again after a moment and you quickly recenter your attention. He engages you in some light conversation and pretty soon you’re laughing along to his comedic storytelling. You don’t even realize you’ve arrived until he’s put the car in park and turns the key off in the ignition. Looking out from behind the glass in front of you, you see the neon lights surrounding the big, bold letters of the name of the bar. It shines brightly in the night sky and acts as a small beacon in the dark parking lot.

You look up at the sound of the driver side door closing and realize Frank has left the car. You reach for your bag that’s resting on the floor between your feet and by the time you move for the handle, he’s opening your door for you. It’s the first time you’re able to truly take him in. He’s wearing a pair of nicely fitting blue jeans and a grey jacket, complete with the black boots you’ve never seen him without. You can’t tell what he’s wearing under the thick material that conceals his chest though, and you find yourself hoping it’s something tighter and hugs his torso.

“You ready?” he asks, and you nod in response. “Alright, watch your step,” he warns and you feel his hand bracing your upper arm as you hop out from the slightly lifted van. Once you’re secure on the ground, the two of you begin making your way towards the entrance. As you pass by the cars parked in organized rows under dim lamplights, you begin to make out the few scattered people smoking and even spot a couple sharing a cigarette just outside the main doors.

Once inside the building, he shrugs off the jacket and you can finally piece together his outfit. Frank’s broad shoulders stretch the fabric of the dark blue button up shirt. It’s tucked into his denim pants and secured with a black belt. He fits the attire of everyone else here in the bar, but still stands over a head taller than the rest—not to mention infinitely more attractive. You try desperately to rip your eyes away from him, and in doing so, take in the scenery of the pub.

The bar is crowded but not so occupied that you can’t move. The loud, overlapping voices meld to create a soft droning that accompanies the background. It doesn’t stand a chance to the band though, whose loud amplifiers cause a shake in your chest with each note they strum. Polished wood lines the walls and there’s photographs of smiling people decorating them, forever cherished behind glass frames. It feels oddly homey, admittedly impressive for a place you’ve never stepped foot into before tonight.

You accidentally bump into Frank and he steadies you with his large hands on your waist. He’s staring down at you with a subtle smile on his face. He begins to talk but you don’t have the slightest clue what he’s saying; the song that’s playing is far too loud to hear the lower tone of his voice. Shaking your head with a frown, you let him know you can’t understand him and his smile grows wider. He then leans down, his fingers brushing your hair away from your ear before he speaks.

“Asked if you wanted to eat,” he starts, his breath immediately warming the side of your neck. With just those few words, it feels like all the other noise falls away. All you can focus on is the rumble in his voice and how the words feel as if they dance down your spine. “I’m starving,” he adds, and you’re certain your new headspace gave his words a different context than he intended.

He pulls away for your response and all you can muster up is a slow blink and a delayed nod. There’s no cocky smirk at your expression and you wonder if maybe he decided to spare you the embarrassment this time. He promptly turns and you fall in line beside him, letting him guide you around the crowd. His palm finds its way to your lower back as he leads you and just like that, your heart picks up in pace once more.

You’ve only seen the same small movement depicted in movies and you can now safely say that experiencing it is so much more exhilarating. Part of you is frustrated that such an insignificant touch can make you this excited, but Frank’s charm has a tremendous effect on you. Still, you tell yourself it’s the anticipation of his hand being elsewhere on your body that riles you up.

His hand stays put until the two of you reach a booth lining the back wall. There’s a small lamp that bathes the whole table in a warm glow and you and Frank place your things down before sliding into the long seats. As you stare at him from across the table, you watch as his eyes scan the crowd and then the main stage as he focuses on the band. They’re currently playing a cover of a classic rock song and Frank smiles as he nods his head to the music.

“This place is nice,” you raise your voice slightly to be heard over the music. He turns to face you and his smile grows wider.

“Yeah? You like it?” His question is accompanied by your own nod and he continues. “I’m sure there’s fancier ones close to town, but I’ve been coming here for years and they’ve always been good.”

He raises his hand in the air, tilting his head up and leaning to the side as if to catch someone’s attention. You follow his line of sight and look over your shoulder to see a woman with a black apron tied around her waist. She looks slightly past you as a grin covers her face and walks over to your table quicker than you expected.

“Frank?! What are you doing here?” Her voice is already grating and she’s only said a handful of words. Her tone is drawn out, almost flirtatiously, and she stands closer to him than you would’ve liked.

“Just showing her around,” he answers simply. He looks at you and when the waitress does the same, her face falls. You muster up an awkward smile and try to shake off the weird look she gives you. “She’s never been here before, you think we could get some menus?”

“Sure thing,” she mumbles, stepping away only to return a moment later with two long, laminated sheets of paper. She drops them to the table and you spare yourself the trouble of looking at her again.

“She sure seems to like you,” you speak up once she’s left. Frank scoffs before grabbing a menu and shaking his head. “Did you see the way she looked at me? What did I do?” You ask with a frown, wondering if you did something unintentionally.

“She’s probably just pissed cause you’re sitting with me and she’s not,” he answers with a sigh. He flips the paper around and you notice the way his eyes dart around the page. His answer wasn’t very reassuring though, and you still feel the tension in your body. As you scan the small print of the menu in your hands, you can feel his gaze on you. You try to shake the disappointment and to make it less obvious that what she said affected you, but you’re not certain how good of an actress you are.

“Y’know what?” he speaks up after a few seconds. You raise your face to him as he continues, “I know this place a couple of blocks down? Best god damn beer I’ve had.” His hand disappears under the table and a moment later you see his fingers curled around his jacket. “It’s German! You haven’t tried that one before.” He leans across the table before whispering, “You’re gonna hate it.”

His attempts at distracting you work well and you can’t help the laughter escaping you at the final thing he said. Frank’s own crooked smile returns at your reaction and a softness settles into his brown eyes.

“There she is,” he mumbles once he sees your regular self bubble back up to the surface. You bring in a deep breath and choose to shake off any residual awkwardness you felt from before.

“No, no it’s okay. We can stay here.” You finish your sentence and look back towards the music before facing him. His hands are empty now as he continues to stare at you and you feel confident in your choice to stay.

After looking over the endless list of drinks, burgers, and other appetizers, you read a description of a sandwich that makes your stomach rumble to life. You immediately decide on it without a second thought and smile up at Frank, watching him run his finger across the page between two options and looking quite indecisive.

Before long, the ill behaved waitress is back to take down your order. You pick your sandwich, remembering to take off the toppings you aren’t too fond of, add in an order of fries, and your usual favorite drink to top it off. With a hesitant glance up, you see her scribbling down your order on the small notepad in her hand. Her expression is twisted up as if she smelled something foul and you feel that uneasy feeling settling in once more.

“I’ll have the same as my date here,” Frank answers before she can ask about his meal. He gently taps the two menus on the tabletop before handing them over to her. His lips part as his eyes drag over your features and you notice the way they stop for a little longer than they should when they reach your mouth.

To say you were shocked was an understatement. You weren’t sure if he said it just to get under her skin or not but part of you didn’t really care. He said it regardless and that made a smile carve its way onto your face. An annoyed scoff is heard from above and you see a hand come into view to snatch the menus away from Frank. He never looked away from you once.

The moment the food arrives, you’re excitedly grabbing your sandwich and lifting it to your mouth. As your teeth sink into the toasted bread, the flavor hits your tongue and a satisfied moan escapes you. Frank is quick to lift his eyes at the sound, his eyebrows raising as he takes in the scene in front of him. You raise your hand to your mouth and begin to grow bashful at the look on his face.

“Sorry!” You apologize, your voice muffled behind your palm. “It was just really good,” you explain once you swallow your food down.

“Don’t gotta apologize for that, kid,” he replies through his own raspy chuckle. You bite your lip and tuck a strand of hair behind your ear before reaching for the fries in your basket next.

The two of you dig into your identical meals and make some easy conversation in between bites here and there. You’re honestly impressed with how good the sandwich is and you’re glad you picked it out of the infinite number of items on the menu. Frank wasn’t lying when he said he loved this place. You watch him look up from his meal every now and then with a big smile on his face as he moves his head to the beat of the music. His energy was infectious and you found yourself tapping your toes along too. 

“Y’know,” he speaks up after finishing the last bite of his sandwich. At the sound of his voice, you begin to look up to his face, but your eyes latch on to something else. Frank sucks his fingers clean of the salt from his fries, his lips pursing as his cheeks hollow, and you immediately lose any grip you had on controlling your thoughts around him.

“When we ordered I saw your beer on the menu.” You hear his words but they have absolutely no meaning, no way of stringing them together to make a continuous thought as you watch him suck the seasonings from his thumb. You begin to feel a sense of injustice at the fact that those fingers weren’t where you desperately wanted them to be. With a pout, you look back to his gaze and see the confusion clear in his eyes.

“What?” you blurt out, finally remembering he had spoken and that you hadn’t processed anything he had said. He scoffs before shaking his head, his smirk spreading wide across his face before he speaks again.

“Said they have the beer you like here,” he repeats himself, his cocky grin a clear indicator that he saw how you froze up at sight just moments ago.

“I’m actually good tonight,” you say confidently. Reaching for your glass, you take a sip of your drink and hold his gaze as you stare at him from under your eyelashes. He sits back against the cushion of the booth and his eyebrows pull together as he thinks about what you said.

“Yeah?” he asks, squinting his eyes at you.

“Mhm, not letting a few beers stop me from what I wanna do after this,” you explain. You’ve never felt more frustrated than when he stopped you from kissing on his neck. You understood why he did it, and are actually very thankful he didn’t want it to go further, but the disappointment coursed through you all the same.

“Hmm? And what exactly is that?” he questions as the band finishes up the song they had been playing. Your eyes follow the noise as the crowd erupts into whistles and claps, applauding the musicians. When you finally look back over, Frank’s in the same position. It’s like he never looked away from you—hell, you’re not sure if he even blinked.

You don’t answer him though and make up your mind to keep him on the edge of his seat. Instead, you smile sweetly before picking up a fry from your basket and popping it past your lips. 

He gives you a knowing look, but doesn’t pry. Perhaps he was looking forward to the surprise of it all. You only hope you can remain as confident as you feel now so you can properly act out your plan. Before long, he swallows down his last french fry and Frank speaks up with a question.

“You wanna go dance?” Your whole body freezes at the mere thought of attempting to dance, not to mention the added nerves of doing it in a crowded room with Frank Castle standing witness. But as you look out onto the dance floor full of moving bodies, you realize most of them are probably far too intoxicated to really pay attention to you. Deciding to push past the initial fear, and wanting to be fully present with him and have fun, you nod and scoot out of the booth.

Frank stands in front of you and his hand soon comes into view of your eyeline. You place your hand in his and feel his fingers curl around your palm as you brace your weight on him and rise to your feet. You stand on your toes and motion for him to come closer so you can speak into his ear.

“Just so you know, I’m a terrible dancer,” you say after he’s tilted his head towards you.

“What part of me screams that I’m a good one?” he asks, and you chuckle at his joke. He smiles down at your laughter and nods his head behind him, letting you know he’s going to the dancefloor.

Frank keeps a hold of your hand as he leads you through the crowd. His broad body splits the sea of bodies as he walks and you follow close enough behind him to squeeze past them as well. There’s blue hues from the dim lights that shine over the people, but other than that you can’t see much beside their moving feet. He must’ve gotten to a clearing where there’s not as many people bumping into one another, because he stops walking and turns to you.

You’re sort of frozen still for a moment as the reality of it is beginning to creep in. But then Frank starts to shimmy his shoulders and you can’t help but break into a wide grin. Just like that, you’re thawed. The awkwardness you felt is starting to leave you as you begin to loosen up in front of him.

The band plays a fun, upbeat song that you don’t recognize, but he seems to be making the moves up as he goes along. You follow his direction, copying him but still keep some distance, trying to slowly shake off those nerves that are still lingering around. Suddenly, Frank does a move that you can’t even begin to describe with words alone and you burst into laughter as you watch him. Holding your stomach, you shake your head at him and he begins to laugh too. 

The band then retires from the stage, saying their farewells as the crowd applauds and whistles. Frank claps along with the rest of them and you cup your hands around your mouth to give a small cheer. You really enjoyed their set and wouldn’t mind coming back here again to watch them play once more.

Once the stage is clear, music begins to play over the speakers and Frank’s face lights up. His excitement is clear after just the first few notes.

“God, this takes me back,” his wide grin causes his eyes to squint up. You smile up at him, happy at his enjoyment, but you can’t help your head from tilting to the side confusedly.

“You haven’t heard this before?” he asks incredulously and you shake your head. “It’s literally my favorite song, how do you not know this?”

“When did it come out?” you ask, and watch him look up as he starts to think.

“Must’ve been… right after graduation, I think?” He does the math for a moment longer before answering with the year it was released. The answer has you fighting back a giggle as you stare at him awkwardly.

“Frank, I wasn’t born until two years later,” you answer honestly, and the look on his face is priceless.

“Jesus Christ…” he replies, dragging his hand down his face. You begin to worry now, wondering if you shouldn’t have brought up that point. He must’ve caught a glance at your anxious frown because he’s quick to explain himself.

“You’re fine just… my back hurt when you said that.” His hand comes to the back of his neck to emphasize his point and your smile finds its way back to your lips.

Despite the initial embarrassment you ran into after being reminded again of the gap in age between you and Frank, you found yourself really enjoying the song. He was honest when he said it was one of his favorites. You’ve never seen him this lively before and you love being able to soak up every minute of it. He’s so animated as he dances, holding you close to him with his hand secured at your back. The lines to the song fall past his lips like muscle memory as his forehead presses to yours.

You can’t stand being this close to him. Your whole body feels like it’s been shot with a current of electricity and you’re desperately wanting him to stop singing and put his mouth to yours. He might have a sixth sense—or simply just picked up on the timing—because his lips are on yours a second later. He kisses you deeply, his tongue brushing your lower lip for a moment before you eagerly let him in. Your head tilts to the side as you kiss him back and your arm wraps around his wide shoulders to ensure you’ll have your fill.

All too soon he’s breaking the kiss and you immediately suck your bottom lip behind your teeth to savor the feeling of him. He suddenly lifts his arm into the air and cues you to spin. You twirl under his hand with a huge grin and then he yanks you in for the finish, timing it so that your back is to his chest when you land against him. His same palm immediately finds your hip and tightens to keep you flush to him. His opposite hand travels down the length of your torso, his index finger tracing your side as he moves.

He begins to whisper the lyrics against your ear and you can’t bring yourself to focus on their meaning. He’s all over you and it’s making you feel dizzy, as if you’re drunk on his scent alone. Each pass of his finger along your ribs alights a fire at your side and you try to keep up as he begins rocking you from side to side to the rhythm of the song. His breath warms the entire side of your face and neck with each word he whispers. You fall under his spell and roll your head to the side at the feeling of his warmth all over.

When the song starts to fade and a new one begins overlapping it, you’re left with a bittersweet feeling; part of you never wanted to leave that moment and would gladly listen to that song on loop for the rest of your life, but the other half of you was almost frightened at how easily you turned to putty in his hands. You felt the need to have a better grasp on yourself, especially if you wanted to stay courageous for what you had planned for tonight.

The mix of two songs smoothen down into one and you instantly recognize the slow, sexy bassline that’s pumping through the speakers overhead. You’re not sure what came over you. Perhaps you wanted to prove to someone that you’re not that same timid, little girl. Whatever it was that coursed through your veins, you’re thankful that it gave you the strength to grab his large palm and put it back into place at your hip. You use the extra support to push your ass back into him, making sure to press hard enough until you feel the bulge in his jeans.

Frank doesn’t show any reaction except for his fingers tightening into your skin as if you were a lifeline. You smile as you continue to grind into him, your hips following the similar movements he taught you just a few days prior. Facing away from him gives you the extra boost of confidence needed to perform this act, but you’d be lying if you said you wouldn’t kill to see the look on his face right now.

With each push of your ass against the denim fabric, you feel the heat of his bulge so close to where your own warmth had started to pool. This felt good and you felt pride surging through your chest once you realized exactly what you were doing.

And then his arm crosses your chest and pulls you flat against him once more. His forearm is pressed against your collarbones and you feel your breath hitch at the hold he has you in. With a shaky inhale, you swallow down the lump in your throat and wait for him to speak.

“Look at you, sweetheart,” the tip of his nose brushes the curve of your ear and you try your damndest to not let your body double over. “Someone’s getting confident, huh?” His arm begins to slowly drop from across your chest, and instead reaches your lower stomach. From there, he applies pressure until you’re as close as you could be to him.

“You feel that? Hmm?” There’s an undeniable hardness under the thick layers of fabric. It doesn't feel as big as the last time he got turned on from you, but it’s still noticeable. “That’s all you,” he finishes with a lower tone of voice before taking half a step back and leaving you to sit with his words.

It takes you a moment to wrap your head around this entire situation. It’s abundantly clear that the mood has changed from light laughter and awful dance moves to something more sultry. You can feel the warmth slowly spreading between your legs and it leaves you with a buzz that makes you feel like your movements are slowed. When you turn around to finally face him, he’s already staring down at you expectedly.

“Why don’t we get outta here?” he asks, deep voice blending in with the booming bass. You nod at him and it feels like you’re moving in molasses. The dull, blue light from above catches his face for a moment. There’s something deeper to his unreadable expression; his jaw is clenched as if he’s trying to hold something back.

Once the two of you make it back to the table, Frank reaches into his back pocket for his wallet. He thumbs through the notes before tossing a few bills onto the table. He reaches into the booth seat for his jacket and shakes it out before draping it over your shoulders.

“Thank you,” you mumble in a quiet voice.

“Don’t gotta thank me for that, sweetheart,” he shakes his head, insisting that your gratitude isn’t needed. He begins to walk towards the door with his hand in its designated spot at your lower back to help guide you once again. The chill of the night air hits you the second you step out of the building and you find yourself curling his jacket snugger around your body. His scent is stuck to the collar and it helps lessen your shivering from the cold breeze.

He walks you to your side of the van and opens the door for you to climb in. Even after he gets in and begins driving down the same winding roads, there’s not much conversation between the two of you. The tension in the car is thick and incredibly palpable. You’re indecisive about whether to break the silence or leave it untouched so as to not make it worse.

Eventually Frank pulls into his parking spot that faces the front door of his apartment. After putting the van in park and walking around to open your door once more, you take his hand and carefully step down. He unlocks the door and gets you inside quickly, trying to shield you from the chilly air. Once he flicks the lights on, you’re greeted by the familiar sight of his living room and feel that desire to touch him creep back in. Your name falls from his lips and you turn your head at the sound.

“I’m sorry if I went too far back there. I shouldn’t have—,” he begins to apologize, but you’re quick to interrupt by pressing your lips to his. A surprised grunt comes from him and you smirk into the kiss, pleased to have caught him off guard. He wastes no time in wrapping his arms around you and begins leading you towards the couch. When you feel the back of your knees hit the curve of the cushion, you angle yourself in front of Frank and push him into the sofa below.

He looks up at you with his lips parted and his chest is noticeably bringing in deeper breaths each time he inhales. His usually soft, brown eyes have a darkened glint to them and you’re certain you’ve never seen this emotion on him before. Your pulse is racing through your own body and you swiftly straddle him with your knees on either side of his hips.

His impatient fingers grab hold of you in a way no one ever has before. The action causes a surprised gasp to fall past your lips, but it’s swallowed down by Frank who can’t seem to keep his mouth off of yours. The light stubble decorating his jaw scratches at your skin and the rough feeling does nothing but spur you on further. You begin to roll your hips into his as you fall into a familiar pattern and he uses his hold to help guide you into moving faster.

His movements are rushed and needy and it makes you feel reassured that he wants this—he wants you. That little boost to your ego has your hands tracing down his body, your palms rubbing down his strong chest, before finally reaching his belt. Your fingers search blindly for the leather and the sound of the buckle clinking sounds out in between the wet noises of your kisses.

“Woah, easy,” Frank breaks the kiss the second the sound reaches his ears. “Let’s just, uh…” he trails off and you feel his fingers gently prying yours away. “Let’s take it slow, alright?” His tone is so soft and the concern is written clearly across his features.

“Frank, please,” you try to reason with him. “I didn’t even drink tonight! And I just… last time I was all worked up and I really want to do this.” You finish with a pout as you glance up at him with pleading eyes. He swallows hard as he stares at you for a moment, probably battling something internally.

“What do you wanna do?” he asks slowly, trying to make his words clear. The question is so simple but admitting it to him makes you feel small again.

“I… I want to touch you,” you mumble, silently hoping he doesn’t ask you to be more explicit than that.

“You sure you want this?” His eyes never leave yours as he confirms your consent.

“I really do,” you reply, bringing your hand up and cupping his cheek. You brush your thumb over his skin and watch as he begins to shut his eyes and breathe deeply. “Please?”

You’re not sure if it’s the quiet plea, his own craving that’s swaying his decision, or some combination of the two, but he slowly uncurls his fingers from your wrist. You beam brightly at him and whisper a thanks as you peck him on the cheek.

“You’re still gonna have to walk me through it, Frank,” you say through a small chuckle.

He nods with an equally quiet, “I know.”

From there, he doesn’t try to deter your movements any longer. He lets you continue as you slide his belt past the metal buckle. You look up at him for reassurance and he nods his head with a smile. He takes your hand in his and pulls it to his bulge, letting you feel it properly for the first time. Excitement races through you and settles in your lower stomach as you watch your hand touch him over the denim.

“Can I take your jeans off?” Your question is met with another nod as he lets go of you. Slipping the button past the slit, you then lower the zipper past the teeth and the sound feels so loud in the otherwise silent room. You move to sit beside him and Frank helps you tug his pants down, raising his hips to lower them some more until they fall past his knees. He’s wearing a pair of dark grey boxer briefs and your eyes linger far too long on how they hug his thighs.

The thick outline stretching the fabric is enough to recenter your attention though. You start to feel the nerves coming back once you register just how big he is as he lies against his hip. You always had a feeling, given the sheer size of the man, but seeing it is a whole other experience. Thankfully, Frank doesn’t rush you as he lets you take this all in. You hesitantly move your hand over the length of him, brushing your fingers over the defined line underneath the head of his cock.

The next thing you reach for is the waistband of his boxers. You curl your fingers over the edge and tug them down, watching as more and more of his happy trail becomes exposed. He once again helps you pull them past his legs and now that he’s bare in front of you, you can’t help your eyes from widening. You had thought the bulge was big, but it was misleading; Frank is actually much larger than you had anticipated.

“What? You’ve never seen—?” He starts but you’re quick to cut him off.

“I have. I’ve seen, like, porn before but…” you find your voice leaving you as you stare between his legs. “It’s just bigger in person.” His chuckle sounds out and you raise your head to the noise only to be met by an amused smirk at your confession.

“S’not just cause it’s in person, kid,” he laughs through his words and you roll your eyes at his cockiness. You like that you can still crack jokes during a time like this and you find yourself thankful that you get to have Frank as your first introduction to sex. Feeling more relaxed, you reach forward and gently curl your fingers around his thick base.

“You can hold it tighter than that,” he speaks up after a second.

“I know,” you respond, tightening your hold on him a little more. He snorts lightly at the, apparently, subtle increase in pressure and you feel his larger hand curling around your own. His long fingers squeeze over yours, adjusting your grip on his length as he begins to move your hand up and down. He’s warm and heavy in your hand, two things you hadn’t given much thought of before now. Frank lifts your hand once more and a satisfied sigh leaves him.

The sound stirs something in your stomach and you try to swallow down your own growing arousal at the noise he’s making. He loosens his hold on you and you watch as his hands find the hem of his shirt before bunching it up and exposing the lower half of his stomach. There’s so much to look at and it’s pulling your attention in too many ways. You try to focus on him in your hand though and begin speeding up your movements.

“You can spit on it,” he speaks up after a few seconds. You turn to face him and feel your eyebrows pull together at his words.

“Like just… spit on it?” The confusion is more than likely obvious in your tone but you want to ensure that you don’t embarrass yourself with him. Not now when you’ve made it this far.

“Yeah, go for it,” he encourages gently. With one last glance at him, you lean forward and lower your head over his length. You purse your lips and part them as you let the split slowly drip until it’s sliding over his head. You watch as it runs down past the tip and Frank clears his throat.

“Shit, yeah that…” he trails off as he raises his hips slightly. “That works too.” You smile at his words and wonder if his movement was an instinctual reaction to the warmth running along the smooth skin of his cock.

With the help of the extra slick added to his length, you begin to work your hand faster on him. You know from what you’ve heard that the tip is more sensitive, so you raise your hand right underneath his head and tighten your grip. A grunt immediately falls from him and you impulsively let go of him. You face him with a worried expression and watch as he brings in a deep breath before swallowing thickly.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. Just felt real damn good.” The praise in his words immediately rushes to your heart and you feel yourself swell with pride. You can’t believe you made him feel that good, but now you’re determined to see what other sounds you can pull from his pretty lips. As you focus your attention back to his cock, you see a few beads of precum beginning to bubble up at his swollen tip. You rub your thumb in circles over the slit, spreading around the proof of his pleasure, and you feel him twitch in your hold.

“Shiiiiiit,” the drawn out curse sounds raspy and you don’t stop your movements as you check once again to see his reaction. Frank’s head is tilted back slightly against the couch cushion, his mouth is parted, and his eyes are scrunched up slightly. You try your hardest to memorize this version of him. You wish you could ingrain this memory so you’ll never forget how good he looks when he’s succumbing to his pleasure.

Twisting your hand as you move it over his length, you notice the way his adam's apple bobs as he swallows down presumably another groan. You can’t resist the urge to feel even more of him, and press your lips against his neck. Lazy kisses are littered across his skin while you work your hand faster, intermittently tightening your hold on his thickness. His throat tightens as he feels the wet marks of your affection, and the next thing you feel is his fingers tangling in your hair. He pulls gently as he tugs your head up to his and he kisses down your surprised gasp, his tongue slipping into your mouth.

You’re having trouble keeping up with his movements and you realize this must be what it’s like to be kissed breathlessly. Any moment you get, you’re greedily gulping down air before he continues his ravenous attack on your lips. You never slow the speed of your hand and press yourself against his side, trying to feel more of him to satiate your need. Frank tries to break the kiss but you push against him harder, not wanting to let go for a second. But he tries again, grabbing your wrist gently and you immediately pull away with a frown.

“What did I do?” you ask in a worried tone. He’s quick to lock his eyes with yours and speaks clearly.

“You’re okay. You’re doing so good, sweetheart,” he starts, and then nods down towards his lap. “I’m almost there, kid. Just wanted to warn you before it happens.” And just like that, a wide grin splits across your face. I’m making him feel that good?!

“I really wanna make you come, Frank,” you tell him honestly and you notice his cock twitch slightly as he registers your words.

“You keep talking like that and you will,” he grumbles in a low voice. His tone almost seems as if it was meant as a warning, but all it does is add to the fire in the pit of your stomach. You’re quick to reach for him again and fall back into the rhythm you established just seconds ago. With each pass of your hand you feel the veins protruding slightly through his skin and make sure to add slightly more pressure to the ring underneath his tip—he seemed to like that in particular.

“Just like that—fuck, attagirl,” he breathes through gritted teeth while he stares down at your smaller fingers wrapped snugly around him. The praise courses through you and you hide your face in his neck. You place sloppy kisses under his jaw and listen as more grunts start to fall from his parted lips. They slowly twist into a new sound and it takes you a second to realize it’s your name that’s coming out in a twisted groan. You glance down and watch as he raises his hips for a moment to chase after the feeling of you, his orgasm following soon after.

One long moan falls from him as warmth spills over your hands. You make sure not to miss a single second and don’t dare slow down or pull away. You want Frank to feel as good as possible and so you’ll drag this out for as long as you can. White begins to coat his head and the rest of his length as you continue moving over him. It isn’t until he reaches for your wrist that you take notice of the way his thigh is tense and you let go to give him some relief.

“T…That’s enough,” he pants as he speaks through uneven breathing. You mumble an apology as you snuggle into his side again, leaving the remainder of your kisses on his collarbone. His hand rubs at your back while he regains his breath and you feel him press his lips to your forehead. 

“Jesus Christ,” he whispers, and you follow his gaze to the mess in his lap. His cock lies on his hip, all spent and giving a weak twitch once or twice. You don’t even try to hide the smile that grows on your face at the sight.

“Oh, you proud of yourself, huh?” he asks through a fit of chuckles. “You should be,” he holds you to his side again. “Did so fuckin’ good.” You feel another long kiss to the side of your head. Pride isn’t even a strong enough word to describe how you feel at this moment.

“Thank you, Frank,” you smile up at him.

“Thank me? Nah, you did all that,” he brushes it off just like last time. “Thank you for making me feel good, kid. You were absolutely perfect.” The warmth spreading to your cheeks makes you hide your face in his chest again. You weren’t really sure how a scene like this was supposed to normally end, but Frank doesn’t say anything more. He keeps you close in his arms and you can still hear his pulse attempting to slow in his chest. For now, you don’t want to question what comes next; for once, you’re comfortable exactly where you are.

Taglist: @chellestrash @avengerstower-houseplant @musicals-and-mermaids @castle-of-ruin @justalittlepickle @boo8008 @doublevirgogirl @xxdrixx @yaminax @nabiiturner @imwaytoolazyforthis @vechkinfan @himesuedi @0-goblin-0 @soleilcastle @innebulae @punishersmainchick @eddiemunsonsbelover @tea-drinking-nerd

[vivisviolets]

Okkk, let’s spy on your ex (& where you are now) 👁‍🗨💭‼️ (*PAC+ 18+ Extended)

wow,, I mean ok then😭😭 I don’t support it…. But I got to give out the dirt I’ve received 👀… lol ⦿ ✧・*close your eyes love, breatheee, ease them shoulders,- and focus on which image draws your eye for whatever reason- trust and stay open to the magic of it all!! don't rush it!! and don't force it either if none catch your eye! make a request to Spirit/the Universe/God to guide you to whatever messages you need to hear rn~*

. . . Pile 1

⦿ Virgo/earth placements, Virgo season, Moon dominant, Cancer placements/degrees (Moon, 4th house, rising, Venus), Aries degrees, September, summer dusk, 8-9pm, hoodies, scent, connection to pile 3(?), numbers 111, 9999, 911(omg), channeled songs- Don’t Forget Me - Maggie Rogers, Wedding List - Kate Bush ⦿ The first thing I heard was they love you- they loooove you- like exaggerated text and all pile 1s… Oh goodness, I can feel some of you squirming uncomfortably like “Ohh boy…” at hearing that, for some of you it’s because this feeling is unrequited in some way (you did feel love for them but you either distanced yourself, or you fell out of love w/ them- or both), and you really just wish to move on and forget about this (I distinctly got a very clear vision of a summer night, with the first few chords of the song Don’t Forget Me by Maggie Rogers playing- it’s a very vague, wishy-washy memory that I know for my moving-on group still makes you feel things,,)- and for a few of you here,, you do still love this person,- or more so right underneath the surface, you are still “in love” with them… OK I’ll just say, I’m going to do my very best to be sensitive to both groups that resonate with this pile, because there is a lot of raw emotion coming from the two groups- one is freshly moved on, either only just recently in the past few months you’ve split from this person- and or it been 1 year+ and you may have had a “relapse” in grief/introspection over this- and the other group of this collective is still “in love”. I’m hearing the phrase “love-baggage”, so some of you I’m seeing were/are living with this person, and lots of their things are still in your space- and you keep almost unconsciously thinking they're going to come back… for others, you had a lot of plans with this person, a lot of desires/wishes, and or both of those things and you had a lot of expectations and dreams of what could be built in this relationship- and now that it’s ended it's like a Christmas display after the holiday is over, there’s a big empty feeling of “…so- was that it?” I’m so sorry sugar!! (to both groups here 💔) this sounds and feels to me like this connection was a real tisy to you. you didn’t deserve that,- but I can tell from your energy that what happened has really made you grow in a very big and important way, even if it feels like some days it changed you for the worse (I can feel those in the group that struggle with a lot of depression/anxiety stemming from this❤️ I see you, you are heard, and you have my heart to rest in for this reading 🌙)- that won’t be the case forever, please trust me on this that this experience has changed you and your path for the better- for your highest good and joy.- ok final things for the energy check before I move forward- scent was really important to this connection, it either was what your ex found to be really alluring about you/the relationship they had with you, or this is how you felt about them (and or this was a shared attraction!), something about clothing being shared and either you or them being very turned on by that activity (could be s*xual but I more feel a possessive energy), I’m also seeing this person really got off (again😭 *not* meant to be s*xual but omg why are these phrases coming to mind ummm-) on hugging you/holding you close, like having their face carved into the right side of your neck (now I’m hearing that Faye Webster song, Right Side of My Neck- again this whole reading could be either more adult or wholesome you be the judge I wasn’t there 👁-) and just resting in the scent of your warmth. I’m seeing someone who looks very tired and saw this relationship with you as a *relief*- There’s a masc figure (not gendered just energy) who may have worked long hours/nights, or they pilled work onto themselves because they felt they had too,, something about them wanting to be a provider for you but they went about it in a way that they suffered/thus the relationship suffered…

I don’t see you guys as being the type to need/want that, but more the type to want equality in the relationship regarding that, and rely more on having a developed emotional bond- and this ex may have had a hard time trying to know how to “provide” you with that and so out of fear they tried to focus on some other way to give to you (I’m hearing it may have been out of ego) and thus they became destructive out of not addressing this fear they had- I kinda went off!! omg, I’ll shut up and actually get to the part where I tune into where they are and how they are I guess… I keep seeing a figure walking forward, in this gray plane of existence, occasionally sitting in a coffee shop, a place of work, talking to some people for a moment before things fade again and they’re back to trekking forward…

they don’t look unhappy, but they don’t seem peaceful either. and this is how they feel currently not having you in their life, not having this relationship as a structure in their life, appearing ok and productive on the outside, while on the inside… all they can do is keep walking into the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, posting on instagram and then continuing to walk- and I’m hearing maybe the piece of them still connected to you is saying that “you feel the same way”… goddamn it pile 1 I am completely on your side, no buts about it, and all I will say to that message coming through is you need to look into a possible cord-cut ritual. find one that feels intuitively correct to your situation (no murder), and definitely meditate if this person/ex-relationship has been on your mind because it is crucial for you to move on, move out, and move forward from this relationship. for you, AND for this ex. please, please, please, work towards detachment and neutrality. obviously, feel your emotions and address them, but afterward do the final closure by saying- “that was hurtful, that makes me feel hurt, but it happened.”- I know it’s “fun” to pick apart text messages and realize all the times you two weren’t right for each other, and it's easy to live in the past then continue into the unknown (so many songs coming through omg you guys experienced a lot of memories together)- but you have got to start. just a little bit forward every day, please work on your fear of moving forward, because there is nothing to fear- your future self is already at peace, and that future self is you already! you have all the tools to get to them- all it needs is a couple steps forward a day, do it sick, do it crying, do it scared, do it hopeless. just. start. moving. (and do not feel “guilty”, this person will be ok. just like how you will be ok. and that is something to be hopeful about!!) I keep hearing “not at this time”, which is what your ex may possibly be thinking in the back of their mind,- I really hate posting PACs with borderline breadcrumbing but I do see a possible rekindling/reunion between you two, but not for a long time, much longer then either of you expect and it will truly be when you two are incredibly removed from what happened and basically completely different people- and life/the universe will be like “haha ok RENUION EPISODE TIME!!!! nostalgia bait!!!!~” it will be kinda silly, not even in a sardonic way but it will weirdly be very light-hearted, like both of you will be in on some inside joke no one else quite gets. I don’t even see this being romantic in the slightest between you, it's more a shared time of “partnership” and nothing will even get discussed because- both of you will be moved on and settled. in other words, no bad blood housed in the future, thanks to letting it all heal in the present time ⭐️.

sooo pile 1s that's what I got for you, hope you enjoyed haha and that you feel really more chilled out~ and that you continue that feeling into your day/afternoon/evening. One last word of advice, I know things can feel really lonely at times, but truly- your own company is the best company, and it is what you need at this time. and that’s beautiful- so make it beautiful for yourself ❤️!!!!!! ok, I love you so so much~.

*totes random but someone here needs to play around on character ai 💀um-)

🎆THIS READING HAS AN EXTENDED READING OVER ON MY PATREON~♡🎆 “Okkk let’s spy on your ex 👁‍🗨💭‼️ (EXTENDED their 18+ thoughts/where their mind wonders 👀) ***MDI

. . . Pile 2

⦿ The Devil, Five of Wands (reversed), Nine of cups, The Sun (reversed), Knight of Cups (reversed), Three of Wands (reversed) (bottom of deck) ⦿ TW/CW (sh mention/slight 18+ mention), Cancer/Pisces/Scorpio placements, Aquarius placements/degrees (Venus, 11th house, Jupitar, 3rd house), blue, panic/anxiety attacks, dissociation, numbers 11, 10, 1111, 1010, channeled songs- Shades of Cool - Lana Del Rey, Lilies - Ethel Cain ⦿ Hi pile 2s. you’re really going through it aren’t you?.. very strange energy going on- “a different realm” I’m hearing is the phase of life you feel you are in ❤️. I actually began channeling bits and pieces of your pile during pile 1, I do not know why there seems to be a weird connection/relation to pile 1 because I already know this pile is going to be quite a bit different (its like all the piles “know each other” its so weird-) but anyways. let me warm up to your chilly energy pile 2s, because I mean seriously, you guys are really going through it- not to be dark but if you’re into Ethel Cain this is like when she dies and gets put in an icebox- LIKE THATS WHERE YOU GUYS FEEL YOU ARE RN 💀… babe you don’t need anymore sympathy, or pity, I’m just going to be straight up with you- what you need is some love. and you need to accept that love- EVEN if that love, is just from yourself. yes, yourself. In fact, that’s where you really need to start because once you open your own heart back up, that’ll be when the sun shines through again… that message aside, this relationship ending really left you in the cold, it may have happened so suddenly that you feel in shock- in fact, for some of you this shocked-grief may have come to you later on- and its effecting you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, maybe even physically, I was perfectly ok channeling/writting the other piles but being here my hands are shaky, I keep making typos on every other word + double typing letters, the food I just ate doesnt feel like its digesting (+anxiety is just ramping up in me for no reason- partly effected by the sun setting- the weather/seasonal changes may be effecting you)… you’re sick over this pile 2 ❤️… and I really do not want to be triggering and if this does NOT feel like the energy you are currently in I urge you to pick another pile/pick another pac all together. wow ok, my chest is so heavy, and I need to step away to close my eyes in a comforting place (my bathroom lol) and I encourage you to do the same- see you in 15.. 13.. 11.. 9.. 7.. 5.. 3.. 1..- ok! I’m back in comfier clothes, this pile will definitely be more focused on you, tbh I do not even want nor have the desire to focus on your ex so I apologize but we’ll see- you may be having some sensory issues at this time because I was very anxious trying to find the “right” type of hair tie, I didn’t want a plastic one nor a heavy scrunchie.. but even in this space I took from your pile I was still channeling the whole time so BIG TW‼️ for these next energy check-in messages, some of you may be SH-ing at this time, I do not want to give some of you ideas,- but this could be physical self-harm (not just destructive emotion habits i mean), -even if you’re in a state of frozen apathy right now, you are still semi-consciously trying to find ways to address/expel this pain. This whole situation is giving fallen-angel vibes, you feel you have fallen into a very broken world filled with nothing but hopelessness on the horizon… I do not know what else to say other than express disappointment for you pile 2... you're in a rough place.

-one of the final big things regarding this energy, is that there was some kind of “savior complex” in this ex-relationship- and so I’m finally beginning to tap into the energy within the relationship itself… this savior complex may have been mutual, or one-sided- I cannot quite tell, there is an energy that is clearly more docile but emotionally rather volatile (?), and an energy that is distant yet very hot-headed/vicious,, good grief 🤪- also there is a more feminine energy, and a more masculine energy in this pile- I’m trying to be vague as people can play multiple roles/parts at different times- but there were some clear distinctions between the two of you in this relationship (could even be a submissive/dominant dynamic), and within that came co-dependency and this “savior complex” (which weirdly enough- was a slight theme in pile 1 but idk if I mentioned that or not)… you could have been the more “fem/sub/docile” one and was being viewed as requiring “saving” by this “masc/dom/vicious” person, manipulating you financially, physically, etc- or it could very well be the other way around where the more “fem” person felt they were emotionally “saving” you by manipulating you emotionally, mentally, etc… again change/rearrange for your situation and again this could have been a mutual “wanting to save/gain control” of the other person… its all very complicated. -baby, all I can say is that it is good that you are out of it, and if any part of you is still in it I urge you HEAVILY to get the fuck out of it and seek help. I know it is said often but no one can “save” anyone, and that is very true pile 2.- people, friendships, and relationships, are made truly beautiful by helping each other through hard times, unconditionally 💗. and it can be very true and real that other people can help us to reach where we want to be/can help us get out of certain situations, but my darling- this relationship has ended for a reason, the universe did not want this- not because you are not allowed to have what you desire, but because you cannot gain it through this relationship, through this person- I’m sorry. I ask you to begin to change your perspective to something more faithful- faithful to the perspective that what ended was somehow aimed at you gaining what you truly desire, and as divine protection. I know that some of what I have been saying is rather frequently brought up and certain “self-care” advice can begin to sound like monkey chatter yapping- but I do hope that something has gotten to you and made you feel heard in this reading pile 2💗 get out of the icebox and begin to experience life fully through your own lens, instead of through the lens of someone else loving you- you are deserving of a love that wraps you up at the end of your day and nourishes you, but you have to first learn to make a home within yourself ♡. I love you pile 2!! take a shower, clean a small corner of your living space, put on some clean clothes, and watch some anime. just take every moment as it comes for yourself. neutralize the overwhelm ♡. *one last thing- I can't recommend my own extended that I wrote out for you- if you are feeling sensitive, raw, or still relapsing into dwelling over this relationship- please, do not read it. please take care of yourself- you know what would make you feel ok best. I say this as a warning, do what you like- if you want more info, go head and check out what I wrote out ♡. proceed with caution and all that.* 🎆THIS READING HAS AN EXTENDED READING OVER ON MY PATREON~♡🎆 “Okkk let’s spy on your ex 👁‍🗨💭‼️ (EXTENDED their 18+ thoughts/where their mind wonders 👀) ***MDI

. . . Pile 3

⦿ The Star (reversed), Queen of Cups, Five of Wands, Seven of Swords (reversed), Eight of Pentacles (reverse), The Emperor (reversed), ⦿ Aries/Leo/Sagittarius placements, fire dominant, Mercury dominant, Virgo placements/degrees (6th house, 1st house, Saturn *6h/virgo degree), comfort food, sunshine, numbers 444, 888, 222, 111, channeled songs- Vogue mix - bookstore radio(yt) + Dark Red - Steve Lacy, Wild Side - Suki Waterhouse ⦿ UGH PILE 3s- you won’t BELIEVE the day I’ve had- no seriously as soon as I stepped in your energy I breathed a sigh of relief- because OH MY GOD, you are doing so well. and I know as soon as I said that you either felt 1. bashful confidence like “ughhh stawpp but also keep going~”, or 2. immediate crippling anxiety and self-doubt. well don’t crumble on me yet!! and stay with me now, whatever the hell you are doing, I’m here to tell you- you are doing the right thing and you are on the right path. and it is going to become ever more obvious that you’re doing the right thing by you making a little bit of headway every day- even if you just started feeling better TODAY- I’m here to tell you that you are doing well (even if the rest of your week has been shit lol). goodness pile 3, I write my PACs over a couple days because life has me chasing butterflies sometimes- but anyways, I’ve been thinking of your energy since 2 days ago,- I just keep getting the most peaceful and wholesome images in my head of where you are currently pile 3s, I’m seeing you looking so freaking cute, I’m seeing neck scarfs, you doing your hair in cute up-dos, you walking around your apartment/place of living looking like your ready to hit the town/turn some errands into a self-care date- you’re smelling really nice too- like you’ve really gained control over your time/energy and so you can now dedicate some intentional time into physically feeling good!! I’m hearing that Emma Thomson quote “This is your body- this is your home, it’s where you live”. and truly pile 3, you really are living solo right now, you've turned the energy spent on your bestie, your lover, your roommate, your sibling, towards yourself. you are spending some beautiful quality time with yourself. your intention setting has grown so strong and you really are now investing most of your time/energy into you/your life. which is allowing you to be so in the moment- your moment, your world- goodness jesus pile 3! I’m struggling to not ramble on about you, I can view you and feel your current state SO clearly I can almost taste it- but the thing is, I’m actually rather unable to fully “embody” your energy, because you’ve become that protected and within your own space, so I’m honestly just admiring you outside looking in lol. moving forward in painting the picture I can see of your life, going back to how I could almost “taste” your lifestyle rn- I’m also seeing you’re eating really good right now, you being so connected to yourself is making any food you intake taste sooo good and its nourishing your body so well- I’m seeing a lot of fresh fruit like pears, apples, oranges, tangerines, also seeing you eating out at really delicious places and the food is so good- you’re also beginning to make your own meals as well which I’m here to tell you is increasing your amazingly good energy- keep making dinner for yourself it’s so cute and beautiful~ you’ve turned so many aspects of your day-to-day mundane life into “self-dates”, and now that you’ve charged up with consistently giving to yourself, I see you balancing your time with going out and making plans with specific friends- you’re not interested or have the urge to socialize with a friends-of-friends group of people, and definitely there is no pull towards meeting someone new- because this is still a delicate time for you, you’ve built up so much valuable inner peace.

So I’m seeing a lot of very mutually giving one-on-one time with some of your closest friends, you’re giving such quality energy to them right now and them to you as well- I’m seeing there are 2 people who you’re focusing on the most/they’re the most in your life at this time, I'm hearing specifics but I’ll leave that out for the collective, but the strongest images coming through is female/fem friendships, “sisterhood” (this could even be your sister/sibling, otherwise you just feel very connected/have a history with these friends), and you’re walking together down-town doing some shopping but also deep in conversation, going to comforting restaurants dressed to the nines- all 3 of you (you + these 2 closest friends) could also be all going out together- good God is your life-giving main-character in a chick flick right now my pile 3s- specific soundtrack and all AHAHA. *btw to those here who feel like their life is not living up to what I just described, again take what resonates and change it to fit your situation, but these things if they are not happening currently in your life, it will happen. I can absolutely feel it, it feels so right, and I encourage you to take what I just wrote out as visualization inspo~ Oh yea your ex— this always happens where I come up with the title and theme of a pac- and then I don’t get to it until a paragraph later (tho some of you like that so lmk), anyway. they’re out,- I’m honestly struggling to even pick up on them because the situation is that moved on from and spirit agrees, like spirit divinely moved this situation on, I can only pick up a whiff of what’s up. It’s giving like, a crush or friendship you made in kindergarten, like it happened, and it’s a part of your past, and your past is you, but it’s in the past- like it happened so long ago. you know? like why talk about it… that’s how I’m feeling about the teensiest bit of what I’ve sniffed out- but,, I do have an extended to write out later soooo- I’m actually sorry pile 3 I’m going to keep digging. I think it’s funny that I keep using scent as a metaphor for trying to pick up on this ex-person, it makes me think that the only vague thing that you can still recall is their scent. despite how vague and blurry everything else has become, the memory of their scent is still incredibly vivid,, and truly it only takes that memory recall to then paint the rest of the picture of who this person is and who they were to you, and the unit you were with them- good God, again something connected to how they smelled- it’s deep, aromantic, sensual, sweet, like drifting off into honey- I’ve been hearing songs through your whole reading by the way as though I’m playing one of my playlists while writing this (I’m not), that's why I said your life is like a chick flick- soundtrack and all- anyways, the song coming to mind as I dip myself into this memory of this person is Slow Like Honey by Fiona Apple. so, if I described this person’s energy so far then there you go- I keep wanting to say “your person”, but like, this situation is done.

the only “but” or “what if(s)” is derived from you and them sharing a point in time with each other, and you know- your past is still a part of you, and it’s past for a reason, and since it’s in the past, then really it’s already closed.- obviously, it's completely valid for you to remember this and still grieve by the way, because our emotional beings can’t really tell the difference between memory and current reality, but at the same time our logic does know the difference- it's a mind vs. heart thing, the past is closure by default, even if that does not fit with the puzzle that is our emotions. and I’m here to let you know it is ok no matter where you are to still feel at times that they were a part of you, because they were a part of your past, and your past is a part of you. -just to wrap up, I’m not seeing anything about them other than that they are their own person, just like you, with their own life, just like yours, -in essence, I don’t see any specifics at all-, and just like you this shared past is also a part of them. both of you are separate people, who share a link with each other that is now in a state of closure (which you both revisit and walk through), and that’s for the absolute best, for both of you.

*-now, can I dig up what the situation was when it was messier and get freaky with it- yes I can, it’ll be funny lol-* 🎆THIS READING HAS AN EXTENDED READING OVER ON MY PATREON~♡🎆 “Okkk let’s spy on your ex 👁‍🗨💭‼️ (EXTENDED their 18+ thoughts/where their mind wonders 👀) ***MDI

. . . i just wrote for so long I'm shaking i need tea (the drink kind☕️ cus i spilled enough of the other type of tea lmao) love, vi~♡

[magiccath]

Pretending

tenth doctor x f!reader (no use of y/n)

summary: In which you take the Doctor to your brother's wedding as your "date"

warnings: f!reader (in a dress) who has a brother

“No mum, but I-” you let out an exasperated sigh, pacing about the TARDIS control room. As your mother chattered on through the phone you rolled your eyes, casting a quick glance at the Doctor. 

He didn’t appear to be paying any attention to you, his gaze fixed on the console. He was messing with the buttons with no apparent rhyme or reason. He was probably just keeping busy while you tried to wrap the phone call up.

Unbeknownst to you, he was listening in on your conversation as much as he could without being obvious.

“Fine. I’ll be there, and…” you glanced at the Doctor again, relying on a hope that he would just play along with you, “I’ll bring someone.”

The Doctor pulled his attention to you, a questioning look plastered on his face. Did you have a secret boyfriend he didn’t know about? Who was this “someone” that you were going to bring home? The Doctor didn’t want to admit it, but he felt a pit of jealousy growing in him. 

“I’ll see you soon,” you smiled, “I love you too,” you pulled the phone away from your face before slamming it closed with a sigh.

“What’s that about?” 

“My brother’s wedding is this week, and my mom still expects me to bring someone,” you absentmindedly ran your fingers across the buttons of the TARDIS, “would it be too much to ask you to be my date?” you asked anxiously. You knew you were asking a lot of him, but you didn’t have any other options. You hoped he wouldn’t find it too weird. 

“Not at all!” The Doctor grinned, Honestly, the Doctor was too distracted by the fact that you weren’t harboring a secret boyfriend to think before speaking. He was more than happy to do it, he would hardly have to pretend. He felt a dull pain in his chest thinking about being your boyfriend. He had to remind himself he was just a date to get your mom off your back. It wasn’t real.

He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. “When is it?” 

“Thursday at 4,” You smiled, surprised he was going along with this so easily. Usually, it took some convincing to get him to do the things that you wanted.

“Go get dressed,” he nodded towards the hallway with a smile. 

You frowned and checked your watch.

“It’s Monday,” you laughed, ignoring him. He had absolutely no concept of time. It didn’t really matter when you were a space and time traveler. You had to remind him of important holidays like Christmas if you wanted to celebrate them. It wasn’t the kind of thing he thought about.

“Time machine,” he said as if reading your mind. He accentuated his point with a wink, flicking the switches on the console quickly. 

You rolled your eyes but complied, leaving the control room to get ready. You pulled your best dress from the back of your closet. You never wore it, and you never had much reason to. You were always traveling with the Doctor, and a formal dress hardly seemed appropriate. Still, when you moved into the TARDIS you brought it with you. Just in case. 

You’d bought the dress a month after traveling with the Doctor. You’d seen it in a shop window and the blue reminded you too much of the TARDIS to walk away from. The material was velvety and draped nicely, comfortably highlighting the natural curves of your body. If you looked closely at the fabric you could see the stars and planets etched into the crushed velvet. 

Looking at it now it felt silly to buy a dress simply because it reminded you of a man you had just met. You tried to push these thoughts from your head and focus on getting ready. 

When you were done you stood in front of the mirror, trying to make sure the girl looking back at you was still yourself. You couldn’t remember the last time you had dressed up like this. The last time you looked… this good. 

You shook your head, pulling your focus back to the task at hand. You ran your hands through your hair anxiously before leaving. You walked down the hall carefully, stopping in the doorframe for a moment to look at the Doctor. 

It was rare that you got to see him like this. His head was bent over the ship’s console, his brow furrowed in concentration. His spiky hair flew about in a million different directions. He had swapped his normal stripped suit for a plain black one. It was more properly fitted to his body, the black fabric draping over the sharp lines of his frame. You loved his normal suits, but there was just something about this one that had you captivated. Honestly, you found it hard to look away from him.

The Doctor turned towards you, the sound of your footsteps down the hallway pulling him from his work. The sight of you stopped him dead in his tracks, his eyes following the shape of your body in the doorframe. 

“You look…” he trailed off, wide-eyed. 

“Weird, I know,” you laughed, pulling anxiously at the hem of your dress. 

“Beautiful,” He whispered, his honey eyes connecting with yours. The compliment made you turn away, a scarlet flush spreading across your cheeks. 

He’d truly meant what he had said. Your hair fell elegantly around your face and shoulders, its color shimmering in the control room’s light. The Doctor couldn’t remember a time you had ever worn something so elegant or flattering. Not that your normal clothes were unflattering, there was just something special about seeing you in such fancy clothes. He was so used to your normal attire, that he found it hard to focus seeing you like this. He tried his best to keep his eyes from wandering, but it was hard. 

You found you were having a similar problem with him and his nice suit. It’s not like you hadn’t ever seen him in a suit before, he wore one every single day. There was just a special kind of whiplash in seeing him in something he didn’t usually wear.

“Shall we?” You asked nervously, trying to catch the Doctor’s eye again. He swallowed anxiously before nodding in agreement. 

He had already landed the TARDIS outside of the wedding venue while you were getting dressed. You took a deep breath preparing for what you were about to walk into. You truly loved your family, but they could be overbearing at times.

At the last moment, you held out your hand for the Doctor, a smile plastered on your face. Of course, he took it with an eager smile. 

“What’s your brother’s name again?” He whispered as you walked out of the TARDIS doors. You slapped him lightly, assuming he was jesting. The Doctor didn’t want to admit that he really couldn’t remember. He wasn’t really good with names. Thankfully, the couple’s names were plastered everywhere, saving him the embarrassment of having to ask again. 

It wasn’t long before your mother had rushed over, already dotting all over you. She fixed your hair and dress in places that didn’t really need to be fixed. The Doctor watched with a frown, examining the interaction like a nature documentary. 

“You look darling,” she smiled, taking your face in her hands. Moving on from you, she pulled her attention to the man at your side. “Hello, Doctor!” She smiled, pulling him into an unsolicited hug. 

“Mum,” you groaned, pulling on her sleeve. This was only her second time meeting the Time Lord, and she was already hugging him like family.

“Quite alright,” the Doctor grinned, hugging your mother back happily. He was a fan of hugs after all. 

“It’s wonderful to see you again, how’s the traveling going?” she chattered on. You nodded along, not fully processing her words.

Surprisingly, the Doctor was still listening intently. He seemed to be enjoying her copious amounts of energy.

“She never really tells me where you go. I hope she isn’t too much trouble?” She continued. The doctor smiled politely and shook his head. 

“If anything, I think I cause trouble for her,” he said, smiling at you adoringly. 

Absentmindedly you slipped your hand into the Doctor’s. He rubbed reassuring circles with his thumb before removing his hand to wrap it around your waist. 

You didn’t hear the Doctor’s answer or any that followed. The feeling of his strong hand on your waist was distracting enough. Holding hands was something you did all of the time. In a moment of great tension or danger, the Doctor would grab your hand without a second thought. If you were feeling lonely, you often would slip your hand into his. But he had never held you like this. Like you were a couple. 

“Well!” your mother clapped, pulling you out of your haze, “I should let you show your date around,” she winked. She’d always liked the Doctor, even though mothers usually didn’t (according to the Doctor himself). Your mother was always trying to set you up with someone, so you could imagine how happy she was that you showed up with a date.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered to the Doctor, turning in his arms, “they’re going to be brutal.” 

“Oncoming storm, remember?” The Doctor smirked. It was typical of him to think he could handle anything. However, there was a major difference between your family and an army of Daleks. 

“I’m the only remaining family member who isn’t married, my dating life is a big deal,” you warned, adjusting his tie anxiously. He didn’t stop you, he knew you just needed something to keep your hands busy.

“They’re all…” you looked up at him with an almost solemn look, “expecting of me.” 

“Well,” The Doctor shrugged playfully, “you’ve got me here with you,” He smiled, pulling you closer to him, “You always have me.” 

His words made you turn a scarlet red, and you were more than happy to see your brother out of the corner of your eye. If anything, he could serve as a distraction so the Doctor couldn’t see the impact his words had on you. You didn’t want him to assume you had an ulterior motive in asking him to be here.

You called him over excitedly, giving him a big hug before introducing him to the Doctor. The Time Lord smiled politely, introducing himself to your brother with an excited smile.

The rest of the evening went as such. You walked the Doctor around, trying your best to keep the introductions short and painless. He didn’t seem to mind though, he happily answered all questions and continued all conversations. The whole time he was touching you in some way. Holding your hand, wrapping an arm around your waist, hugging you when you really needed it. You couldn’t help but marvel at how well the alien played a boyfriend. You figured you’d have to edge him on a bit, grabbing his hand now and then. You had always just assumed that physical contact wasn’t something he consciously thought about. 

Your family loved him of course. He charmed just about everyone in a mile radius without even trying. Before long he was laughing and talking like he was part of the family. It was weird, seeing your lives collide in such a way. Even still, it seemed so natural. You didn’t ever want the night to end. The cheerful laughter rumbled through you, the Doctor’s hand resting comfortably in yours. 

Eventually, you left for a minute on your own, the Doctor following you shortly after. You had to admit, he was really selling this boyfriend thing well. 

“You’re been an excellent actor,” you laughed when he came into your line of sight. You smiled at him, genuinely grateful that he had made this night enjoyable for you. 

“I’m not acting,” the Doctor said, so quiet you almost didn’t hear it. 

“It’s made this event so much more bearable and frankly-” you stopped suddenly. “What do you mean?” You asked confused. He wasn’t acting?

The Doctor looked at you wide-eyed, suddenly sensing he had said the wrong thing. “Nothing,” he mumbled, pulling his eyes away from yours. Something about the last few hours had given him the confidence to admit how much he enjoyed being with you in this capacity. But even further, something in your face now made him reconsider.

“What do you mean you aren’t acting? You hate this stuff.” 

“What stuff?” He asked, deflecting. 

“Romantic stuff.” You planted your hands on your hips, your stare relentless. 

“Not with you,” He groaned, his eyes connecting with yours again. “I love doing this with you. Having you this close, having your full attention and affection.” He groaned, running his hands over his face. 

“I don’t understand,” you laughed uncomfortably, averting your gaze. 

“I want this. For real.” 

You stared at the Doctor for a moment, letting his words register. Once it fully hit you, it felt like a weight was lifted off your chest. 

You threw yourself into his arms, standing on your tip toes. You still weren’t tall enough, so you pulled him down to you, crashing your lips into his. He adjusted quickly, lifting you off the ground so he could properly kiss you. 

As many times as you imagined kissing the Doctor, you never imagined it this perfectly. It seemed almost impossible that your lips fit together so well. His hands gripped you strongly as if he was afraid you would slip away. Your own hands tangled themselves into his hair, pulling at the locks slightly. 

As he deepened the kiss a content sigh floated from your lips, eliciting a smile from his own. You couldn’t get enough of each other, pulling desperately to get closer. You didn’t want to admit how much you wanted this, even if it was fairly obvious at this point. When you pulled away to gasp for air the Doctor stared into your eyes with a goofy grin. 

“Can I stop pretending I’m not in love with you now?” He asked, and you threw your head back laughing.

[kimbappykidding]

Imagine Joshua overhearing you like him and deciding to mess with you

You were born in China but moved to America when you were 6. You auditioned to become an idol and made it. You struggled adjusting at first but soon made friends who were in similar positions as you. You became good friends with Vernon and bonded over your similar experiences. You were very close and so when you’d had a particularly tough few months and needed a holiday, he invited you to come with him on Seventeen’s villa break. All the members were going to a nice house with a pool and a lake right next to it. Vernon assured you, you could be as social or as quiet as you wanted and so you went along, very excited for a stress-free weekend...that is not what you got.  

You all went up on the Friday evening and had a pretty easy first night by Seventeen standards, which meant everyone drank but nobody got drunk. You and Vernon retired early a bit socially exhausted and retreated to his room. Vernon was a little tipsy and so he began asking you some very odd questions. “Y/n if you had to pick one of my members to date who would it be?”. You immediately went bright red “what? Why?”. Vernon laughed “just for fun! Like for example, I’d pick Wonwoo but i’m curious who you’d pick. I mean there are 12 guys here, one of them must appeal to you". You hesitated and Vernon grinned "There is! Who is it?". You blushed "I...you won't tell him right?". Vernon nodded "promise" and you frowned "I don't know if I can trust you". Vernon sighed "aww come on! Fine I'll list them and you stop me if it's him. Let's start with the obvious ones. "Mingyu?". Silence. "Okay Wonwoo?". You didn't react. "Maybe Jun? Or Scoups?". You shook your head and Vernon narrowed his eyes. "Jeonghan? The8? Hoshi?". You shook your head and Vernon frowned "hmmm running out of members, Dk?". "Nope". "Dino?". "No". Vernon laughed "man I’m crap at this! Joshua?". You blushed and looked down making Vernon grin "Joshua? He's the one you like?". You blushed even more "I thought the whole point of this was I wouldn't have to say it!". Vernon laughed "okay okay...well it makes sense he's the only one besides me you can actually talk to!". "Hey!" you cried hitting his arm "my Korean has gotten tons better and you remember i'm Chinese right? I can speak just fine with Jun and The8". "Yes but you didn't pick Jun or The8 did you?" Vernon asked smirking "you like Joshua". You blushed "yes...so? He's a great guy!". "Hey I never denied it! But can I ask, out of all the guys, why him?". You sighed and Vernon smirked "that was such an in-love sigh!". You hit him "I'm not in love with him! I just think he's pretty great. I love when guys are soft and respectful but then he can change and be sexy in seconds! Not to mention I think his eyes are so beautiful and the way his voice for all soft when he speaks English...". Vernon laughed at your expression "wow you are really into him!". You nodded "yeah I guess...but you still can't say anything to him!". Vernon smiled "aww come on I could do some matchmaking?". "No Vernon you promised me you wouldn't tell him!" you cried getting scared and Vernon grabbed your hand "y/n it was a joke, I promise not to tell Joshua. I'd never betray your trust like that". You relaxed again "thanks Vernon, you're a great friend" and he smiled "so are you".

The only problem? Joshua had heard everything. He'd been walking past when he heard Vernon listing members and curious as to what was going on, he paused. He was going to keep going when he heard his name and Vernon's reaction meant he had to stay. When he heard your reason he was...surprised. He had no idea you liked him. You were like Vernon, laid back, chill and good at hiding your emotions so he never would've guessed...but he liked it. When he heard you listing all the things you liked about him he got flustered and felt himself growing warmer. He of course found you attractive too and had checked you out numerous times but given your friendship with Vernon he didn't want to try anything. However now he knew you liked him back...what was there to lose? But Joshua did have mischievous streak so he decided to have a little fun with you first. Joshua came down to breakfast the next morning and saw you sat next to Vernon at the table. He grabbed some food and took a seat on your other side purposefully leaning towards you. "Morning Vernon, Morning y/n" he said staring at you and you jumped before nodding "Morning Joshua". "You guys ready for the water sports?" Joshua asked. Vernon shrugged "I might be in the afternoon" and Joshua frowned "don't tell me you're sitting them out too y/n?". You paused and Joshua shook his head "no come on you have to join in! The obstacle course looks so much fun and I'll pay you 500 won if you can beat me". You shrugged "make it $500 and we've got a deal". Joshua shrugged "okay! see you down there" and he moved away. As he walked away Vernon chuckled "man you've got it bad". "Shut up!" you cried and Vernon laughed "sure Joshua! I'll do the obstacle course with you Joshua! It's totally not to see you in a wet suit Joshua!" he teased mimicking your voice and you hit him again "stopppp! He suggested it, not me". "So you're not excited to see his chest in a clingy shirt?" Vernon asked. You paused and he laughed "knew it! Don't worry, you won't be disappointed". Vernon stayed inside in the morning but you did want to play in the water so you ventured outside. You were sometimes more shy without Vernon around but luckily his friends were very kind to you, plus The8 and Jun had a soft spot for you so you had a nice afternoon. Joshua had been off doing some of the water sports stuff and you didn't want to come on too strong so you largely ignored him. Around midday however, you were messing around with Jun and Dino on the inflatable course when Joshua appeared. "Y/n you ready for our bet?" he called. Jun and Dino shot you a look and you stayed calm. "You got the money ready?" you asked "because you're gonna need it". Jun and Dino quickly got excited and without trying you now had an audience. Joshua smiled at you "at the count of three we both go, whoever gets the furthest without falling in or gets to the end first wins. Okay?". You nodded "got it". Joshua smiled “okay, one...two...three!”. You might be quiet but you were still competitive so you raced forwards and beat Joshua to the fastest route. Joshua tried to follow but he slipped on the soaked course and fell down giving you a good head start. 

You made sure to be more careful with your footing and rushed through the inflatable shapes as fast as you safely could. Joshua was still pretty close behind and you could feel the course shaking as he followed you getting closer. You reached the wall and scrambled up the ladder to feel Joshua grabbing for your legs. He was laughing, calling your name but you couldn’t look back. You’d see him and it’d make you lose focus.

You reached the top and were shocked to see Joshua had managed to jump halfway up without even using the ladder. Cursing his height advantage you quickly slid down the other end but Joshua threw himself down the slide after you. He purposefully aimed for you and came down the slide to crash into you taking your feet from under you. You fell down right on top of him and he laughed loudly. "Finally caught up to you" he smiled his face close to yours. You blushed but still wanted to win so you pushed him away and stood back up. The last part was the most difficult, there were 5 round podiums which you had to jump across. Joshua appeared behind you and lightly grabbed your waist. "What do you think the key is? Speed or skill?" he whispered into your ear. You were blushing vividly and tried to think. "Skill" you told him and he nodded "sure, you wanna demonstrate that?". You smirked "why me, you finally caught up so you go first". Joshua smiled "but I wanna see you do it". "Please?" you asked him and Joshua smirked "well I'm sure nobody can say no to those eyes" and he ran at the course. He fell in on the second circle with a loud splash making Dino and Jun dissolve into laughter. He resurfaced laughing and swam to the other side “okay Y/n your turn” he smirked and you paused. You took a small run and hopped onto the first circle. You then did the same for the second one and the third but you fell to your knees, only just managing not to fall in. Joshua, Jun and Dino all made noises and you laughed “it’s so slippery!”. “Yeah but you’re already doing better than Joshua” Dino pointed out and you nodded. 

You jumped to the fourth circle and realised the distance was getting bigger with each one and the fifth one looked so far away. “You know, you’ve already won the bet so you could just give up if you wanted to” Joshua called teasing you. You shook your head and he laughed “but the water’s really nice Y/n”. You carried on ignoring him preparing to jump but Joshua wouldn’t stop. He kept lightly flirting with you and finally he sighed “then again I’m very much enjoying the show you’re putting on. Especially from this angle”. 

He timed it perfectly and he said those words just as you were pushing off. They of course startled you and as a result you didn’t get good lift-off and fell right into the water. Jun and Dino winced at how close to the end you’d come and called out congratulations but you were just focused on Joshua who was grinning at you with a smug smile. He knew exactly what his words had done to you and he was thrilled.  

Everyone continued playing by the pier until it got a bit later and you all headed up to the house. Some people went inside to rest or shower but you stayed outside. Dk, Hoshi, Wonwoo, Mingyu, Joshua and Jun were playing the game where you hid hoops in the water and they had to try and find them. You'd dried off and didn't want to get in the water again so you were the hider. You’d just hidden another batch and were sat with your legs dangling in the water watching the chaos unfold. 

When three out of the four of them had been found, it was just Dk, Hoshi and Joshua left and the latter turned his attention to you. While Dk and Hoshi were bickering Joshua swam over to where you were sitting and tried a different approach. "Y/n" he whispered "where did you hide the last one?". You smiled "are you trying to cheat?". "No..." Joshua said gently leaning on your legs. You paused as he brushed his hands up and down them while he smiled up at you "I just thought you might want to help me out?". You shrugged "I think I'm good". Joshua paused "you know you look far too warm up there, I think you need to cool down". You tensed "Joshua..." but it was too late as he quickly reached up and tugged you into the pool. You fell in with a yell and were covered once more. "Joshua! I'd just got my hair dry" you cried and he smiled sweetly at you, your faces now inches apart. "Aww I'm sorry" he said "here let me help" and he turned around and bobbed down. The next thing you knew he had ahold of your knees and was giving you a piggyback. You grabbed onto him as he started moving and he turned to look back at you "now is it ringing any bells where you hid it?". You shook your head "if I tell you will you let me go?". Joshua shrugged "well there's only one way to find out". You rolled your eyes but leant in "it's at the top of the pool near the stairs". Joshua grinned and rushed over "going down Y/n" he called and you protested as Joshua ducked under the water taking you with him. You managed to get free and popped back up above the surface seconds before Joshua. He appeared right in front of you smiling as he held the plastic thing "I won!" he called "thanks to y/n" and he looked right at you with those flirty eyes. Your heart was racing, partly because of the distance but also because he was slightly holding onto your waist once more and every time he did that you felt dazed. "If you forced me does it count?" you asked and Joshua shrugged "I'm counting it. When a pretty girl helps you, you don't question it". You went bright red when a thought occurred to you "wait don't you only win if you get out of the pool with it?". "Charge!" Dk yelled and you rushed to get out of the way as Hoshi and Dk dove on Joshua. You managed to climb out and watched from a safe distance as Dk finally emerged victorious nearly drowning Joshua in the process. Joshua stood in the middle of the pool looking utterly defeated and you couldn't stop laughing. Joshua noticed and shook his head at you.

After that you decided it would be a good time to prepare for the night and headed inside to shower and change for dinner. You reappeared an hour later and everyone gathered around to decide what to cook. "Y/n do you have the katsu sauce?" Scoups asked and you nodded "yep it's in my room I'll go cook it". You stood up and rushed away. Vernon stood up "I'll go help her" but Joshua leant in "don't worry I've got it" and he hurried after you. You were organising everything, getting ready to cook when there was a knock at the door. "Hey need some help?" Joshua called and you paused. He looked really good tonight and you immediately thought of when he called you pretty earlier. "Erm sure" you finally replied and Joshua smiled looking around your room "why am I not surprised your room smells the nicest and is the tidiest?". You laughed "hey you haven't seen Mingyu's". "I have and you have definitely beat him" Joshua says coming to stand right behind you "so how can I help?". You blushed at how close he was to you and sidestepped away "how about you grill the chicken?". Joshua nodded “I can totally do that” but he paused. “Is something wrong?” you asked and he frowned “I just don’t want the smell to get on my t-shirt...I know” he smiled and swiftly took his shirt off. “There we go” he said happily and took his place beside you pretending like you weren’t gawking.

Meanwhile outside the others were cooking and Jeonghan had run out of chicken. Scoups mentioned you might have someone so he headed over to your room. Jeonghan walked in to see Joshua shirtless, stood over you and he swore. "Really guys? Atleast close the door!" and he quickly retreated closing it as he went. The members all heard him yell and looked up when he returned.  "You okay?" Wonwoo called and he swore "yeah but really didn't have to walk in on that". Scoups paused "on what?". "Joshua and Y/n" Jeonghan replied and everyone stopped and rushed around. "Wait wait wait what?" Vernon asked. "What did you see?" Seungkwan asked. "Were they having sex?" Dk asked bluntly. Jeonghan nodded "or they were about to, Joshua was already shirtless and they were practically wrapped around one another". "Maybe it was a misunderstanding?" The8 asked. "But they haven't come outside" Woozi pointed out and they all looked to the closed door. "Well I guess Joshua finally got his act together" Scoups shrugged "leave them be and let's get back on with it". They all agreed and The8 and Jun came over to Vernon "hey is this okay? Are Y/n and Joshua a thing?". Vernon didn't want to tell your secret so he just nodded "it's fine don't worry". The two members nodded and felt reassured.

Back in the room you froze when Jeonghan walked in and rushed to follow him but Joshua grabbed your arm "wait where are you going?". "To get Jeonghan! He thinks we were...". Joshua chuckled as you couldn't even say it "well what if they think we are?". You went red "what?". Joshua laughed "think about it. We cook and eat this in here and then miss all the clean-up outside. We head back out after and tell them all it was a joke to get out of chores. Nothing major". You paused "hmm okay". Joshua smiled "great I'll get the plates".

Once the food was cooked you dished it up and ate on the floor. Thankfully Joshua then put his shirt back on so you could look at him again. You had a nice meal and just talked and joked. It was casual but still felt very nice and more special with nobody else around. When you finished you paused at the door, hesitating to go back outside. "Want me to go first?" Joshua asked and you nodded. Joshua opened the door and led you outside. The minute the members saw you they began making noises and you struggled not to blush. Joshua smiled despite himself and told them all to shush. The two of you took the last two seats at the end of the table together and Joshua looked at you "should we tell them?". You nodded and he smiled "we didn't do anything we just made you think that so we could eat all of the curry!". Joshua explained it more and everyone began laughing finding it funny "Then why is Y/n so red?" Hoshi asked and Vernon shushed him but you knew Joshua heard. Joshua looked at you out of the corner of his eye and smiled seeing you blush.

The evening then descended into party games and karaoke. Halfway through Seungkwan's song Joshua leant over to you "why were you so red?". You blushed again but acted as normal as possible. "I have no idea what you're talking about". Joshua smirked "was it the idea of us sleeping together". You turned even redder and Joshua chuckled "you can admit it, the idea makes me feel something too". You paused "how?". "Nope, you first" Joshua smiled still just inches away from you. You paused "well you're attractive so obviously the idea of sleeping with you...makes me flustered". "Because you like it?" Joshua asked "no pressure. Just say whatever you want". You nodded "yeah I like it". Joshua smiled and you paused "what about you? Now it's your turn". Joshua turned to face you properly "I feel the same way" he told you and then rapidly jumped up to join the karaoke. You were left utterly flabbergasted and went to get some water. Vernon followed "so what on earth happened?" he asked. "I think I just confessed to Joshua that I like him". Vernon"s eyes went wide "you did! How?". You explained what Joshua had said before running off, making Vernon nod. "Typical Joshua acting all cool and calm. He's totally got it bad for you don't let him have all the power y/n. He's just teasing you". You paused “really?”. Vernon nodded “totally! Come on, let’s go have some fun and I promise Joshua will be the one doing all the work”. You smiled and followed your friend. 

Sitting with Vernon made you more confident and so you participated in the drinking games and even sang a song with Jun and Hoshi. Hoshi was pretty drunk and so he was very excitable and loud. You found it funny and started interacting with him more and more. You could feel the way Joshua was watching you and it made you smile. So you just ignored him and turned back to Hoshi.

Hoshi could get more affectionate when he was drunk and that was happening. He went from holding your hand to placing an arm around you, to now laying his head on your shoulder with his arms wrapped around you. Scoups was always great at controlling the other members so he quickly appeared "hey Hoshi I don't know if Y/n wants you to be on top of her". "I'm not on top of her I'm just hugging her" Hoshi explained "she's my friend and likes tigers too". Scoups mouthed sorry to you and recruited Jeonghan to get him to bed. They got Hoshi off you leaving you with Vernon, Jun and The8. Joshua was still here and was sat down at the opposite end with Dk and Mingyu. There was tension in the air and you felt good.  "So you've had a fun night" Jun asked and you chuckled "yeah. I've drank way more than you've ever seen me drink". The8 nodded "it's fun to see...Y/n can I ask, what is going on with Joshua?". You blushed "why?". "Why? He's been staring at you all night!" The8 cried and you all laughed. "He likes you" Jun added and Vernon smiled, not saying anything just watching it all. You sighed "I...we've been flirting and I think he might like me". "He definitely does" Vernon agreed. "Yeah so what are you doing here?" Jun asked. You paused "wow thanks junnie". He smirked "I just mean you obviously like him too right? On the obstacle course your eyes practically popped out of their socket when he got wet". You blushed as The8 and Vernon erupted into laughter catching the attention of the other members. 

"Hey what's so funny?" Dk asked and they came over. Jun shook his head "ow nothing Y/n was just telling us she appreciated how some of the bodysuits looked today". Dk and Mingyu laughed as you hit Jun while Joshua just smirked. "Really?" Mingyu asked. You paused "I didn't say that but I don't disagree". Dk laughed "so that's why you were hanging out by the pier all day". "Y/n you little pervert" Vernon teased as you gaped. "Hey come on she deserves it" Mingyu said and you smiled "thank you Mingyu". He nodded smiling back "plus it's nice to see her like this, we all enjoy looking at her so why shouldn't she get to do the same?". "Mingyu!" Vernon cried and you blushed. "No all I meant is...we haven't seen her like this before and it's very nice...and hot". You laughed really pink and obviously a little tipsy because that comment didn't make you uncomfortable. "Well coming from Mr six-foot greek god over here I'll take that" you smiled and Mingyu smiled at your nickname. "I think it's best we all go to bed" Vernon said still laughing and you nodded "yep probably!". Everyone stood up and headed off to their cabins. 

Vernon walked with you still laughing "Joshua, then Hoshi and now Mingyu. You had a good night Y/n". You chuckled "yeah..." and Vernon laughed seeing you so giddy "night Y/n". "Night Vernon, thanks for inviting me here!" and he laughed "no problem now take a glass of water to bed". You did as he said and got ready for bed. You’d gotten in your pyjamas, brushed your teeth, washed your face and were just getting into bed when the door went and Joshua appeared. "I forgot my shoes" he said pointing to them on the floor from earlier. You suspected he'd left them there on purpose and just nodded "yeah you did". "So you had a good time tonight?" Joshua asked. You nodded "yeah it was super fun". Joshua nodded "seems like you have your pick of guys around here...Hoshi, Mingyu...". He trailed off and you nodded "anyone else?". Joshua hesitated "what?". "Is there anyone I can have my pick of, you made it sound like the list was incomplete". Joshua smiled "why is there someone else you want?" coming closer. You shrugged "maybe and he's been flirting a lot with me, saying these really vague comments and then staring at me when I flirt with other guys but he's never actually done anything about it so..." you went to turn away nonchalantly when Joshua tugged you back around and kissed you. The kiss was passionate and heated, fuelled by the days flirting and the alcohol you'd both drank. "Is this obvious enough?" Joshua asked pausing. You nodded "yes" and Joshua smiled "but I think I can do better" and he swiftly picked you up and carried you over to the bed. He put you down and you immediately pulled him back in. You were both soon enjoying yourself a lot but Joshua couldn't help some teasing. "Sure you wouldn't prefer if it was Hoshi?". "No" you managed and he smiled "or Mingyu? Because he's so hot right? Especially in that wet suit". "You know it was only you that I was checking out all day so get back here". Joshua smirked at your tone "I quite like when you're bossy" and he did as you said. ******** You woke up the next day actually feeling pretty okay for the amount of alcohol you’d drank. You couldn't instantly remember the previous night but you remembered having lots of fun, doing shots and karaoke and then...Joshua! You shot awake and looked around your room but he wasn't there. You frowned a little upset he'd skipped out. Was he that eager to leave after? You went to the bathroom, cleaned your teeth and freshened up when you heard the door go. You came back out to find Joshua standing there looking confused with a plate of food. "There you are" he smiled spotting you "I got us some breakfast in bed but if you don't want to get back into bed...". You shook your head "no I'd love to...I just thought you'd skipped out". Joshua shook his head "Of course not" and got back into bed "trust me it was a struggle getting out even to make this". You blushed and got back in beside him.

You sat together and ate breakfast in a playful happy mood but there were a few unanswered questions hanging over you. "So last night" you said and Joshua nodded. He moved all the plates to the table and turned to you "I like you" he said simply "I was teasing you yesterday for some fun but I want to be honest and tell you I like you and want to date you". You paused "I...wait how did you know to tease me?". Joshua paused "I heard you telling Vernon you liked me". You gaped "how much did you hear?". "Everything" he grinned "I found it so hot hearing you say all those things and so I decided to gave some fun, I hope you're not mad". You shook your head "not at all, it was really fun seeing you like that. You're very attractive when you tease". Joshua smiled "I'll definitely keep it up then...so about that dating thing?". You smiled and kissed him softly "I'd love to". Joshua grinned pulling away after a while “perfect, do you want to spend the day together? I heard there’s a nice beach nearby”. You smiled “I’d love to” and set off together hand in hand. 

[dragonfly0808]

Hiatus

So… this is a post I’ve been debating with myself these past 2/3 weeks on whether to make or not.

Some of yall may have noticed that I’ve been taking quite a few breaks from s4 and I have unfortunately just finally allowed myself to acknowledge that I’ve hit a bit of a writing block when it comes to my Winx Club rewrite.

I’ve had a few frustrations during s4 (even though I’ve managed to keep my writing up to my own personal standards, it’s been very difficult) and- despite being halfway through the season, unlike past seasons I still have no idea what I’m going to do with s5 and it’s just been getting to me.

And now I am forced to accept that if I keep forcing myself to churn out chapters and stressing out over keeping you all waiting until I’m satisfied with every chapter, the only thing I’ll do is kill my creativity and my love for this rewrite.

I’ve been working on this rewrite for nearly 3 years and it kinda low-key shames me to say that I am officially placing it on hiatus.

To me ‘taking a break’ and ‘hiatus’ are 2 completely different things, I know I’ve taken breaks before but I always had some vague idea of when I’d return but this time… I just don’t know.

I have been working on my Original Novel and works for other fandoms that have just been filling me with inspiration in a way I haven't been able to feel with Winx Club for a bit now.

I hope I have built up enough trust over these past 3 years for you all to believe me when I say that I will be back. I am not the type to leave things unfinished, especially a story that means so much to me and that I am so very proud of and that has helped me grow so much as a writer and has helped me get through some difficult times and express certain emotions and grief in a way I never could’ve if I hadn’t dived into this 3 long years ago.

I was really hoping to post chapters for Xmas and New Years as I have past years but I just can’t- HOWEVER, on January 28th, the third anniversary of Veiled Wings and Shattered Panoramas, I will post… something. I don’t know if it will be a chapter or not but I will do something for the anniversary.

If you wanna know what I’ll be up to; I will be working on my Original Novel since I have finally landed on exactly what idea I want to work on. I will also be working on 2 projects, one for ATLA (Zutara post-canon self-indulgent thingy) and another one that I honestly don’t know if I’ll go through with since it’d be a pretty big project and I’m still thinking about how I’d go about it, but that I am very inspired and excited about.

So yeah, thank you all for your never ending support and- again, I WILL BE BACK, this is not an abandonment of the rewrite, it’s just me having to prioritize my mental health and protect both my love for writing and my love for the rewrite. I’ll be going through my inbox this next week and answer a bunch of stuff that I just haven’t really looked through in a while.

Thank you so much for understanding and for your support. I hope you will wait for the return of the rewrite and that maybe you will give my other projects a chance when I post them. I will be posting a lot of my inner thoughts on the rewrite and my other projects chapters + thoughts on my Ko-fi if you wanna check that out.

I wish you all Happy Holidays!

With eternal love and gratitude,

Yours Truly, Dragonfly

[ravenwind-75]

A Christmas Kiss || AU

Word count: 3000

No beta: fight me

Pairing: Ominis x Johanna

tagging: @heylorrain and @butternutt613 because they shared.

and @accio-bagel and @ps-cactus who helped me with ideas.

@leaping-toadstool-caps

and @anomalyaly and @zetadraconis11 for fluff therapy after reading ITSOI recently

...................................................

“Christmas is a time of coming together, of cheer, of laughter, of remembering what is most important to us. Think back on the year, the lessons we learned, and how we can grow and change. But most of all it is remembering the greatest gift of all, love…”

*******

Ominis Gaunt had had Christmas before. At Hogwarts and some with the Sallow’s, snug by their fire on a cold winter's night. They would sip warm glogg and warm their small cold hands from the snowball fights under blankets and on each other’s skin, just to hear each other shriek. Anne had been the cruelest of them all, chasing her brother with her icy fingers. He had fond memories of those childhood days. They had washed away the memories of lonely nights he’d spent in his manor the years before. His family had often gone off to parties without him, ashamed to be seen with their crippled and weak son. The only joy was when Aunt Noctua would return with a small bag of sweets that she slipped him when no one was looking. 

Yes, Ominis had many different types of Christmases but never had he had one like this- a Christmas alone.

Sebastian had gone off on a holiday trip with Poppy and Anne. Originally he was planning to just go with his fiancee but he couldn’t say no to his sister, especially when they hadn’t had a trip together since she got cured. Ominis was glad for them and couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of Poppy trying to deal with those two. Anne’s mischievousness picked up a lot since Johanna was able to cure her last year after long months of study and travel. 

 And Johanna, she was back with her family..where she should be. Why would she spend Christmas with him?  He was just a reminder of Sebastian, who had broken her heart. It didn’t matter that his heart belonged to her when all she’d ever seen him was as a friend. His friend. 

Sebastian that bastard. 

With a deep sigh Ominis flicked out the lights and pulled on his jacket, closing his-her shop, and wished Penny well. As he pulled the door shut, the bell jingled brightly reminding him  once again of the cheer there was supposed to be tonight. 

“Mr Gaunt sir, Penny doesn’t want you to spend Christmas alone sir. Penny and Deek could keep you company. Penny is very at cooking and Deek could decorate and-”

“Don’t worry about it Penny, I’ll be fine. I enjoy solitude.”

“But sir no one should be alone at Christm-” 

Ominis held back a groan,“Penny…go enjoy Christmas with your husband. I’ll be fine.” Afterall, it’s not the first Christmas I’ve been lonely. He wanted to add. But never completely…

 It didn’t matter though. What was Christmas anyway? Just another day where people put on their best acts, their best clothes, and found another excuse to spend money. It didn’t stop people from showing their true colors as soon as it was over. The love, the gratitude, the fakeness was sickening. 

Maybe spending the holidays alone would be better after all.

*******

Johanna tucked her hands deeper into her pockets as she trudged through the snowy streets of Hogsmeade. The tiny shops were all decorated from top to bottom with gold and silver, with red bows decorating most doors and lights strung across the rooftops in a long line, as if making a trail for Santa Claus to follow. Did wizards believe in Santa? The thought made her pause a moment before she just shook her head and continued on her way. A ridiculous notion really. 

The moon hung high in the sky, sending a silvery glow over everything. It looked enchanting and so peaceful. A shadow flickered across the ground making her look up. She smiled at the sight of a thestral flying in front of it, carrying a bough of greens in her bill. Even they were celebrating in their own sort of way, carrying back their own gifts of love for each other. 

She nodded at the few couples that she passed but her smiles were half-hearted. She couldn’t help the sharp pang that went through her chest that threatened to bring tears to her eyes. It was so fresh. It was just a year ago that it had been her and Sebastian walking down these same streets hand in hand, before he had thrown her over his shoulder and tossed her right into a giant snowman. He’d made some joke afterward that earned him a snowball to the face. 

Ahhh Sebastian…

The boy he was. 

Hopefully one day he’d grow up. Maybe someday he’d think before he acted and grow the guts to apologize and not make ridiculous excuses for his behavior for once. She still loved him but gosh, when would the pain end? He was happy so she shouldn’t be jealous anymore. It wasn’t Poppy’s fault. He was with someone he loved. He had a healthy happy family once again, and heaven knows Sebastian needed it. 

But some didn’t have a family this Christmas. Or friends. Someone who needed family most. 

Don’t worry Ominis, I’ll be there soon. 

She was determined to make this the best Christmas he’d ever had. Ominis deserved happiness, he deserved to have everything he ever wanted. After all, he’d done so much for them over the years. Sebastian was a free man, she was safe from his family after he turned them in. It was wrong that he should find himself alone this holiday. Or anyone for that matter. She had a few stops to make first but she would be there when he woke. She would make sure of it.  

And with that thought in mind, she continued on her journey. 

…..

Waking up to the sound of soft humming and the smell of gingerbread was definitely not Ominis’s plan for Christmas morning. At first, he thought it must be an intruder, but then he realized anyone with evil intentions wouldn’t have let him live or would have left, not stayed to bake cookies. Secondly, he thought Penny had ignored his request and decided to come anyway, but since when had house elves sounded so angelic? 

With an annoyed sigh, he rolled out of bed, ran a hand through his hair briefly to straighten it, and felt for his wand before making his way into the living room, the pulses of light guiding his way. The sound of singing grew louder as he approached the kitchen. He turned in its direction and cleared his throat, preparing himself to scold whoever had invaded his space. 

“Oh, Ominis! Good morning!”

Oh…This had to be a dream. There was no way it could be her standing in his kitchen smiling, based on the sound of her voice. He pinched himself and when nothing changed he realized that she was really there. His brief elation was interrupted by the thought that she was here with him. 

“Shouldn’t you be at home? With your family?” He asked rather sharply. 

“Should I?” She asked lightly, continuing to stir whatever was in the bowl she was holding. “I didn’t know that.” 

“Yes! You should be spending Christmas with them, not me!” 

“And why can’t I spend Christmas with you?” 

“Because-because I-….” Ominis struggled for words. “Because I’m…. not your family. You should be with those that are special to you, not me. Don’t take pity because I’m alone.” 

He hated how his voice was empty and cold. But he couldn’t help but feel offended by the fact she might have come here just out of obligation, to make him happy. It didn’t matter if he was happy or not because- 

“Well, good morning to you too!” She laughed. “I think someone hasn’t been eating enough sweets lately. A bit sour are we?” 

“Hey! I am not!” 

“Are too!” She shushed him and put a dollop of whipped icing on his nose, laughing at the frown he gave her and how he fought back the smile that twitched on his lips.

He tried to be upset with her and continued to protest as she made him breakfast but he couldn’t stay angry at her for long though; her adorable laugh filled him with a warmth that nothing else could compare to. 

Not even the smell of gingerbread, the rays of the sun, or the sound of a carol could match it. No, she was a different tune entirely, a different everything. She was his everything.

….

Johanna watched him eat and listened to him share about how the shop was faring. She was glad to hear the shop was doing well and was thrilled Penny and Deek were finally married. She wished she could have been there. She was glad he was well but her heart was heavy from what he had said. He didn’t actually think he wasn’t important to her, did he? 

Ominis gladly seemed to relax as he shared with her and that nervous slightly angry expression had melted into one of comfortable ease. Smirks and flickers of contained laughter moved over his face when it was her turn and she recounted her recent struggles with nifflers stealing all the golden baubles from a Christmas tree shop. His brown creased with concern however when a shiver ran through her. 

“Johanna, are you alright?” 

“I’m fine,” she said immediately, not wanting to worry him. However, the lie didn’t go undetected. 

He sighed. “I told you before not to lie to me. You’re cold aren’t you.” It was more of a statement than a question and since she was caught she decided to tell the truth. “Yes, I am cold. Why on earth don’t you have some kind of heat on? It’s wintertime. Plus I had to trek here in the snow.”

Without a word he stood up and walked to the bedroom, returning with a blanket. “Sit,” he said, gesturing to the sofa by the empty fireplace. 

“But the cookies-” she began to protest. 

“Don’t worry about the cookies. I’m perfectly capable of taking cookies out of an oven. Sit.” He insisted. 

With a reluctant grumble, she sat down, but couldn’t help but sigh in relief when he tucked the blanket snuggly around her. It was the one she had made him sixth year. She was touched that he had kept it for so long. 

“Now stay here,” he ordered before pulling on a coat and stepping outside. 

She relaxed into the blanket's warmth, but the sound of voices outside made her perk up. It sounded like someone was arguing. She was about to get up when he returned inside, awkwardly carrying some wood. 

“Don’t,” he said, as if he could sense she was about to get up to help him. “It’s my fault you’re cold. I tend to keep the house cold in the winter.”  

“I thought you didn’t like the cold.” She asked as he began to place the wood into the fireplace.  He laughed, a bit embarrassed. “I guess I’m just used to it.” He stepped back, pointing his wand at the fire. “Confringo!” Soon the fire was roaring and the heat spread through the room, chasing the cold into the corners of the small flat. 

Before she could ask what had happened outside the smell of the cookies wafted over. “They’re probably done, are you sure you don’t want me to get them?” 

“I’m sure. You stay warm.” Ominis headed into the kitchen and she watched as he carefully removed them, placing them on a plate before feeling his way around the kitchen for cocoa. Eventually, he came and sat beside her, wordlessly handing her a glass, and placed the plate of cookies between them on the blanket. They sat in silence for a while before Johanna finally spoke. 

“Who was outside?”

Ominis stiffened. “It was Sebastian. He heard you were here from your mother. He came to apologize. I figured you didn’t want to see him so I sent him away. He got angry.” 

…

Ominis heard a light sigh escape her lips. “Oh… well, I’m glad he finally came to his senses, even if it took a year.” She laughed, though the sound was bitter. Ominis felt his heart sink. He knew that Johanna was still hurt by Sebastian's affair, and he wished he knew how to make it better. He longed to tell her how much he loved her, but the words caught in his throat. He realized that to express his feelings now would be selfish. 

Boldly, he reached out and gently took her hand, causing her to suck in a breath of surprise. He usually didn’t like physical contact, but with her, it felt different. He appreciated the gentle touches of encouragement she offered, the surprise hugs, and the accidental brushing of hands. It had been too long since he felt her presence, and he craved it. At the same time, he wanted to comfort her, just as she had done for him countless times.

“I’m sorry he broke your heart, Jo. He didn’t deserve your love, especially after taking it for granted like that. A love like yours is rare. You care deeply and passionately for people, giving everything you have for them and remaining loyal to a fault. You deserve someone who can cherish your love and return it just as deeply. You deserve to be happy with someone special. 

He sighed. “If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. I’m sorry I didn’t do more before; I was afraid of getting in the middle. But I’m not afraid anymore.” 

Her silence was deafening but her pulse pounded faster against his fingertips. He worried he went too far. Had she caught on to his feelings? Did he scare her off? 

Finally, she spoke, her voice a little shaky but also steady. “Ominis, I didn’t come here out of pity. You told me that I should be with my family—people who are special to me this Christmas. I hope you don’t think you’re not special because you are. You are very special.”

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was he really special to her?

She continued, “I know you feel like you’re not worth anything because of how you were treated as a child. But you are worth a lot. You’re not the only one who always gives of yourself. You gave Sebastian a second chance even when he didn’t deserve it. You comforted me and stood by my side through all the drama that happened after fifth year. You just told Sebastian to leave for my sake, even though I’m sure you wanted to see him for Christmas as well. You deserve to have a good Christmas. You deserve to be with someone who cares about you, not to be alone. That’s why I came, Ominis. Not because I pity you, but because you are special to me. Even more so than my family because—because…”

He struggled to breathe, concentrating solely on her beautiful voice and the words she spoke. He fought back the tears threatening to spill and willed his heart to return to a normal pace as he waited with bated breath for her to say the words he longed to hear more than anything.

“Because I love you.” She whispered. 

…

“Because I love you.” She had finally said it. The words she longed to say for months. Yet now she wondered if she should have because of the way Ominis was gaping at her like a fish. She nearly snorted at the expression but the anxiety of what he might be thinking made the laugh die in her throat.  

“Omi-?” 

“You love me? Me?” he whispered, tears spilling down his cheek, making her heart ache. She scooted closer and took both of his hands in hers. He tensed at first but relaxed slightly when she began to rub soothing circles into the backs of his hands with her thumbs.

“I do. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it sooner, but you were always there, loving me quietly. You noticed things no one else did, and slowly, you won my heart. I was a fool to give it to Sebastian when I should have given it to you.” Her voice was genuine and soft.

“I don’t know what to say. You come here, leaving your family on Christmas, wake me up by baking the most delicious cookies I’ve ever eaten while singing in the loveliest voice known to man, and then you tell me you love me. I don’t have anything for you. No Christmas gifts, nothing,” Ominis rambled, flustered and pink with shame and confusion.

“Ominis the best gift is just being here with you. And having your heart, but if you don’t feel the same way that’s fine. I’m sorry if I ruined everything by saying so and-” 

“No!” he shouted, causing her to jump and pull away. A grimace crossed his face as he felt a pang of guilt. Gently, he took her hand again and took a breath before continuing, his voice much softer. “You didn’t ruin anything. Not one bit. You’ve made me the happiest man alive because... I love you too, Johanna.” He lifted his gaze and somehow found her eyes.

“You’ve held my heart since that day in the catacombs all those years ago. I just didn’t think you’d want to be with someone like me. Even when I realized my past didn’t affect how you saw me, it seemed like you were happier with Sebastian. He was stronger and made you laugh. It’s so overwhelming to hear that you feel the same way.”

“I do.” 

He leaned in and they shared a gentle kiss, under the mistletoe Johanna involuntarily conjured with her magic, the small green and white plant clinging to the wooden beams above them. It was the most magical thing Johanna had ever experienced in her life. 

The best gift. 

The end

[cry4mina]

Take Me Back to Eden - Ascensionism (Part 4)

(Nayeon x Fem!reader)

Take Me Back to Eden - Choke Hold - Part 1

Take Me Back To Eden - Granite - Part 2

Take Me Back To Eden - Aqua Regia - Part 3

Word Count: 8.5k Angst/Angst/Smut Summary: Reader finds out the truth behind what Jihyo and Nayeon has been up to, she takes the steps to become more independent and heal her grief, only to fall back into old habits. TW: Betrayal, suggestive themes, lying, break ups, cheating, manipulative behavior, anxiety, top!reader x Bottom!nayeon, choking, degradation, truthfully its rough sex but anyways, let me know if I missed anything! A/N: After a reasonable amount of requests I decided to continue the series. I also decided to write smut for the first time. Thank you to @saiiidahyunee @neoplatinum and @miinatozakiii for the help/advice for this part! <3 (srsly, this wouldn't have happened without them)

--

“Did she believe you or do we actually need to stop seeing each other?” 

Pulse radiating in every cell of your body, waiting to see if there’s another text from Jihyo. Absolutely baffled as the lie shatters your consciousness, returning you to the jagged spiral you were still reeling from.

It was true. She did this to you. 3 years of deception and it was all happening right under your nose. 

Knees buckling underneath you as you think back to the conversation you had in the kitchen the night prior. 

The tears she shed, the way she spoke…the way she studied your face… She was acting through the whole thing and you believed her. 

“Nothing has happened since, and nothing like this would ever happen again. I wanted to tell you but the person I was then and the person I am now are two completely different people. Even that version of myself would never dream of hurting you in such a way.”

 Stomach churning at the words previously said, fighting back the hatred growing in you. 

‘Please understand that I would do anything to remove this from my past…our past.” 

Nauseously fighting the tears threatening to spill from your eyes, remembering how your skin felt against hers as you slept next to her the night prior and you cringe knowing it was all fake and you had fallen for it. 

Nayeon’s phone vibrates in your hand again, revealing another text from the other responsible party. 

“We can lay low for a little while and let it all simmer down, if that’s easier. But I don’t want to stop being with you.”

As you stare at the screen, truth reflects back onto your face, flashing through your memories with her. Decorating the house on the holidays, her meeting your parents, anniversaries, going out to dinner; Even the small touches to show affection that intertwined themselves into everyday life hardened your exterior as you built your walls back up brick by brick wondering how long they’ll hold up with the digital reinforcement you’ve stumbled upon.   

The need for the truth pokes at your chest while opening the text thread between her and Jihyo. 

———————————Yesterday 11:34 pm——————————

Jihyo: Y/n didn’t seem to believe me when we spoke, I hope she listens to you or we might have a problem. 11:34pm

Nayeon: We might have a problem then 11:35pm

Nayeon: I don’t know if her and I will make it thru this 11:35pm

Jihyo: Do what u can. We will just have to cover our asses if the company finds out we are sleeping together. 11:37pm

Nayeon: It seems like she can’t really make a decision. I put her to bed a little while ago because she was exhausted. 11:38pm

Nayeon: She did bring me dinner last night… 11:38pm

Nayeon: She actually just came to the living room and def only in underwear…I’ll update u in the morning. 11:40pm

Jihyo: Just because she’s the piece that’s keeping the public and our company from finding out doesn’t mean I want to hear stuff like that, Nayeon. 11:42pm

———————————Today 8:12 am——————————

Jihyo: Did she believe you or do we actually need to stop seeing each other? 8:12am

Jihyo: We can lay low for a little while and let it all simmer down, if that’s easier. But I don’t want to stop being with you. 8:14am

Forgetting to blink as you’re reading the thread, in disbelief that you almost gave them the forgiveness they asked for. Caught between the smoke and mirrors, an illusion painted for the public eye to cover the secret that only they knew. 

Screenshot clicks lightly as you send yourself the evidence and delete the pictures from the text thread as well as Nayeon’s phone. You wanted to be able to look back on this and remind yourself that she was responsible, and that you'd never give her another chance. 

Sliding her phone into your pocket, you walk into the bedroom. 

Nayeon is distracted in the bathroom preparing for your morning shower together. Hearing the door of the shower sliding open and the sound of the head sputtering to start. The clashing of the water hitting the tile mimics the storm you felt brewing up inside of you.  

As your rage builds you quickly grab a backpack out of the closet, unintentionally knocking a tote bag down as you pull the straps. Trinkets of all kinds scatter across the floor, you flinch at the sound and look down at the mess before immediately unzipping the bag.

“Is everything okay, baby?” Nayeon yells from the bathroom, it's muffled by the foam of her toothpaste as you hear her spit into the sink.

Body tensing at the pet name, knowing the illusion of the past 3 years was uncomfortable and devastating. 

“Yes. Just dropped something.” You shout back trying to hide the towering rage that is rocking against the winds of change your digital confirmation created. 

 “Okay, my love, I’ll be waiting for you in the shower.” She sings back trying to play cute with you. 

You roll your eyes while shoving the bag full of everything you’d need for the next few days as quickly as possible. Clothes, charger, wallet, important documents, and your laptop. 

Putting on the first pair of pants you see and not even bothering to change out of the oversized sweater you threw on to cover up while you had your morning coffee. 

Quietly running to the dresser to grab some socks, your foot kicks some of the mess left on the floor. Sighing at the annoyance of it being in your way but it slows down enough to see what the contents were. Jewelry you’d never seen, love notes opened with a wax seal, and countless pictures of Jihyo and Nayeon together. 

Frozen in fury as you take in what you’re unintentionally uncovering, a singular tear drenched in anguish falls - the tap on the photo echoing in your ears. Reaching your limit and the overflow of emotions are about to spill out of you in a slurry of misery and hatred.

Grabbing the specific Polaroid of them kissing, tucking it into your pocket with her phone and leaving everything else where it landed. Preparing for the confrontation, knowing she’ll probably try to cover it again. No more running from it and no more hiding from it, you had her cornered with the proof that she was a liar. 

Hopping onto the counter in the bathroom, you waited for Nayeon to realize you’re there. The shower door is slightly open, she left it for your entrance. Opening her eyes momentarily to see you staring back at her, much like most mornings. 

This morning was different though, after the fight you got into that spread out over a week and the information you got this morning; there was a thickness in the air that wasn’t just steam. Almost visible in how it intimately caressed your heart into a conflicted mess of emotions, waging wars inside your chest.  

 “Aren't you gonna join me? I’ve got a blank canvas for you if you’d like to make more art out of me.” She coyly says, winking at you.

 Your cringe is covered by the steam coated glass, repulsed by the thought of this stranger touching you the way she used to. The trust was no longer there. Being past anger, past sadness, and clinging to the numbness so you could get through this conversation. 

Trying to keep your brain on track when Nayeon steps out of the shower and walks towards you, seductively. A thin layer of sweat is starting to appear on your skin as she gets closer to you, you’re trying to talk yourself out of the thoughts of what would happen if you just showered with her and forgot what you found. 

You can’t do that to yourself, you know that. You would never knowingly accept less than you deserve but your heart was fighting you with every step she took towards you.

She puts her wet hands on your thighs, allowing the material to cling to your skin, “why are you wearing these? Just so I can take them off?” Her pupils are wide as she fixates on your face watching you half glare back at her.

 Swallowing as you try to keep yourself from shaking as the numbness wears off and turns to despair and then shifting erratically to pure anger and then back to despair again. The pattern is familiar, you’ve lived it before a few times. Trying your best to conceal the rapidly changing mood and keep a straight face.

 It seems to go unnoticed as she parts your jean clad legs and slides her waist between them wrapping her arms around your neck. Shivering at the warmth of her skin against yours as her fingers lace through the hair on the back of your head, trying to get you to cave into her wants. 

Your body is definitely reacting to her being this close to you the way it always did. The ache in your core screaming at the familiarity but your mind is repulsed. How many times had she done this with Jihyo? 

Not pulling away, allowing her to set herself up, the same way she let you. Leaning into your ear, lips brushing against its shell as she whispers “I’d love to take this off, if you’ll let me.”

“Do you really think you deserve it after what you’ve done?” sternly leaves your mouth. 

Clench her thighs as you speak, she loves when you talk to her that way. Not realizing that your voice is heavy with a different type of malice, not the usual light hearted mask you wear for her when she wants some roughness. 

 Hands come off your neck and slide under the sweater. She’s relieved you don’t have a bra on as she scratches harshly down your back, like she always did during sexually driven moments much like this one, in an attempt to rile you up more. 

It works for a moment, you groan and chase after her lips as she teasingly pulls away from you. Challenging your power and being a brat, refusing what you were asking for to intentionally make things more heated. Two can play that game.

“Close your eyes and hold your hands out.” Softly spoken while only an inch away from her face. Her half lidded eyes looking up at you for a moment. The sparkle for you is still encapsulated in her big brown eyes. 

Immediately listening, placing full trust in you. Removing her from between your legs, you guide her back and against the glass shower door. It rattles on impact as she leans against it, inciting a gasp from her. 

Her hands are up and out, waiting for whatever you had in store for her.  She’s smiling up at you, eyes closed, intrigued about what you’d place in her digits. 

Reaching into your pocket and pulling out her phone and the picture. Looking at them one more time before placing them directly into her hands, almost as an offering, like it’s your ticket out of this mess you unknowingly found yourself in. 

“You can open them now.” Tone leaving little to mystery as it sneers out of you. 

Her brows furrow as she realizes something isn’t right. Nayeon opens her eyes and looks down at what you’ve placed in her hands. Confusion waves across her face until she sees the image of her and Jihyo kissing, staring back at her. Hearing the gasp leave her lips, a deep gust of air is still not enough for Nayeon as she almost starts to panic.

You’re out of the room in seconds, her quickly following behind you, she grabs onto the sweater leaving a wet handprint that matches the ones on your thighs. 

 “Please, let me explain!” she begs frantically and tugs on the sweater harder to try and get your attention while you’re gathering more necessities for your daily routines. 

“Drop the act, Nayeon. I don’t want to hear anymore from you.” Your tone is growing more callous as time goes on. It roughens up the few soft spots she had even if it was entirely her fault you were going through this life changing event.

 Her face shifts from worried to annoyed as you sprint around the room, not bothering to organize anything being placed into the backpack.

“And where are you going to go, huh?” she asks, tilting her head and dropping her arms to her side heavily, allowing her frustration to show for a split second before she remembers she’s still completely naked and dripping wet from the shower on the rug in your bedroom.

Taking a step forward to get in her face, you startle her, not expecting you, soft gentle y/n, to approach her in such a way. Leaning back when you stepped forward but not breaking eye contact. You watch her leg start to bounce as she gets more anxious realizing you were angry in a way she had never seen, fire behind your eyes noticeable as you adjust your stance to show her you weren’t backing down and you were no longer scared to lose her. 

Movement feeling foreign to her as she’s unable to keep calm like the Nayeon you knew of. Backed into a corner and baring her teeth as you confront her about her wrong doings, is an attempt to control the situation and she was about to try an old tactic that had worked previous to this. 

Playing with the belt loops on your jeans, she brings her voice back to the sweet one you used to know,  “Are you just going to keep running away from me? Or can we talk this out? I thought we were okay. I thought we could get past this together” Retorting in a semi-cooled tone. Eyes watering again and the block of ice in your chest is trying to thaw in you as she leans in to put her satin lips on yours for a small second of contact before you avoid the affection, knowing you’d crumble at the act. Not allowing yourself to fall into her grasp again, knowing she was willing to hurt you in an incomprehensible way, and feel no guilt.  

“That was before I saw those texts and before I found the bag of secret Jihyo shit in the closet, Nayeon!” 

Looking down at the phone you handed her to read the message. The realization of what’s happening washes over her face, it couldn’t be played off as a misunderstanding anymore. She had been caught red handed and had to deal with the consequences. 

Nayeon leaned in harder to her act of fake innocence, insinuating that you were in fact the big bad for violating her trust like she wasn’t the one who burnt yours to crisps and used the ashes as eyeshadow.

“Why did you go through my phone?” She crosses her arms, pushing her breasts together. She’s trying to distract you with multiple tactics but it wasn’t working, her act faltering when scrutinized. . 

Extremely angry, your brain couldn’t see her as anything other than an enemy. “Is that really what you’re worried about right now? Our entire relationship was a false front for you and Jihyo and all you can do is try to flip it on me?! …Who made you like this?” harshly asking just trying to understand what she had to gain from hurting you in such a way. 

“You don’t trust me?” Nayeon says sweetly, touching your torso again. Pulling away roughly, unable to  believe it’s even a question she thought would be a good to say out loud, when you both knew what the answer was. 

 “You have been cheating on me for the entirety of our relationship and you have the audacity to ask if I trust you? Fuck you.I gave you the opportunity to be honest with me and you threw it right back in my fucking face, Nayeon!” laying into her, letting out every drop of anger she caused you through your teeth.

“3 years of what?! You completely ruined everything, our entire relationship was fake so you could fuck Jihyo without suspension! So absolutely not, I don’t trust you in any sense of the word.” voice starting to crack as you tear up, “and to think I was actually going to propose to you” letting the sadness of the future lost memories drain out of you onto the person who caused it all. 

Speechless and not believing that the docile person who was head over heels for her could have such venom to spit. A new light is shining down on you as you display your livid behavior. Oddly, even more attracted to you than she already was, she was in a trance as she realized what you said. 

“You were going to…propose?” Quietly said back to you. Her eyes are saddened as she starts to understand the weight of her choices and all the things that will never happen again between the two of you. The guilt cuts deep, creating a sharp sting in her chest as a heart string popped.  

Rolling your eyes and open the drawer in the kitchen that normally is reserved for “junk” to pull out a little black box, slamming it on the counter. “I really wanted to…” allowing yourself to be vulnerable for a moment as she reaches out to open the jewelry box and sees the perfect ring. 

The pear shaped diamond in the middle was huge, with little diamonds laid into a rose gold band. This is how she described her dream wedding ring to you on your 3rd date. You wrote it down in the notes of your phone for the moment you would need it, thinking she was the one. 

Eyes matching the diamonds, sparking with light as they fill with tears. She never thought about how much you paid attention or how well you knew her. Too wrapped up in playing her role with both you and Jihyo to even think that you were set on her being the one you wanted to spend your life with.  

“I need you to tell me how it started. I need to know why.” speaking cold heartedly, keeping the distance between the two of you. 

“...It did start with a drunken night. That was true. I never tho-” She started as she lowered her eyes. 

“Look at me when you’re talking.” deliberately call her out, rattling her a little bit, her face turns red, eye wide as she goes to speak again.

“I never thought that it would go this far with her. I really was genuinely upset when Jihyo told me what happened the first time. I didn’t remember anything at all and then she convinced me not to say anything and then we hung out a few days later and…it happened again but sober this time and it just never stopped. There was no emotion behind it for me, I swear. I love you, not her.” 

A freight train crashes through you as you reel at the information hitting your ears. 

“You don’t get to say that. You don’t get to claim you love me when you’ve been living in a black light paradise with someone else this entire time.” hissing dispassionately to assert your words.

“But two things can be true at once, like you always say…” throwing back at you with a smirk knowing how much your own rhetoric being used on you makes you angry. 

Aggressively grabbing your backpack again and heading towards the door again, once intimidating, now a way to safety as you jerk it open, feening for escape from the heavy atmosphere. Your steps are quick and precise as you make your exit. 

 “I made a mistake, y/n. She’s not you. She will never be you.” Almost shouted at you as one foot stepped over the threshold. 

 “You were the mistake and I hope your guilt drowns you.” 

– 

An anchor pulls your heart to the bottom of the ocean. You told Nayeon to drown but it was you who couldn’t swim. Pulling harshly at your arteries as you sludge towards your car, feeling as if you’re moving in slow motion just trying to escape the shark infested waters.

Remembering this same feeling from before, but this one was much more certain. With the evidence in front of you, the admission from both parties, and the way Nayeon spoke to you- there was no more safety in who she portrayed herself to be. The illusion has smashed into shards of false love, leaving you to pick up the pieces. 

You drive to Momo’s house, not bothering to call before showing up, you don’t think you could speak anymore, your jaw is tense the entire way there to hold everything in. 

Walking up to the door and hitting the door bell, the dogs bark to alert their owners. The locks click open and the door cracks open to reveal a surprised Momo. 

“Y/n, what are you do-“ cutting her off as you collapse into her arms. You kept it together long enough to get to your best friend, but now the dam was broken and unable to contain the pure pain that was born from the cruelness Nayeon showed you.

Momo drags you into the house and sits you on the same couch you slept on days before, sitting next to you and trying to comfort you as you shake and sob, wrapping your arms around yourself trying to create a sense of safety for yourself that couldn’t be torn from you.

“Y/N, what happened?” Momo is so concerned with your inability to calm down, it’s starting to make her upset. 

Dahyun walks into the room, hearing the commotion. The loudness of your sobs ringing in her ears with her heart sinking into her stomach as she sits on the other side of you, joining Momo’s effort to comfort you. 

Shakily breathing as you try to regulate yourself yet again, this time it feels harder than the last because at least last time there was hope. You are only experiencing extreme sadness and betrayal, with a lot of anger mixed in it but there was no hope present.   

Unaware of how long you’ve been crying as Dahyun gets up “I’ll go make up the guest bedroom.” Rubbing your back as she walks past you. 

“Thank you,” you squeak out through your teeth, struggling to calm down. 

Momo has a look on her face that could cut diamonds. Anger radiating off her cheeks as she grabs her phone, taps it a few times and brings it to her ear quickly, she stands and taps her foot waiting for the other person to answer.  

Nayeon is heard on the other side, “is she with you?” 

Momo’s face is repulsed by this considering the state of you in front of her but she answers the question anyway,

 “Yes, what happened? She’s obviously not okay. Tell me what happened.” Momo’s arms are crossed, standing up she shifts her weight from one leg to the other. 

“I don’t know, she just got upset and left”

“Nayeon, I have known you for years.You’re lying. Y/N wouldn’t just show up sobbing uncontrollably for no reason, so tell me what happened or I'm hanging up.” talking with her hands, raising them in a frustrated manner as the lies keep coming.

“Well if she didn’t want to hurt herself she should have gone through my phone.” annoyance present in Nayeon’s tone.

Momo looks over at you, devastated for the second time on her couch pulling your phone out in silence and showing her the text thread screenshots you had taken earlier.

“It’s not as big of a deal as it’s being made out to be.”

“Are you serious right now?” Momo harshly questions as Nayeon continues. 

“Are you going to question Jihyo like you questioned me? Or are we just gonna pretend like she’s not part of this too?” 

The sharpness in her tone was something you had witnessed before but the taste of her name coming out of Nayeon’s mouth was unbearable.

Momo gasps at the new knowledge that has now been thrown at her. Completely statuesque, as she tries to wrap her mind around what Nayeon just said.

 Momo’s eyes look up on your screen to reveal the name at the top of the text thread: Jihyo  

The rush of emotions she was experiencing was overwhelming to her senses, momo’s voice choked with tears as she spoke to Nayeon.

“Wait…what did you just say? J is Jihyo?!” Momo says in complete disbelief, shocked at not only what she’s reading on the screen but by what she was hearing from one of the parties involved.

“Yes. So please call and interrogate her. Can I speak with my girlfriend now?”

“No, you can’t. I am not friends with people who do this type of thing, Nayeon. How could you do this to y/n?” she shouts through the phone, hunched over with a hand on her knee, trying to understand all the pieces of this complicated puzzle.    

Momo, trying to keep the anger she felt under wraps, started pacing in the room taking laps around the couch as she spoke. 

“Nayeon…are you kidding me? How long has this been going on?” Confused was an understatement, Momo was completely overstimulated with the information she was being given. 

 Never noticing the connection between how close Jihyo and Nayeon were, always sharing hotel rooms on tour, finishing each other’s sentences, the looks across the room, Nayeon staying at Jihyo’s house frequently…it was all starting to add up and Momo is seeing red over the pain of her best friend being hurt beyond belief, and by someone who was supposed to be her family. She was just as angry as you were. 

“Momo, I don’t want to do this right now, Can I please speak to Y/n? I’m trying to save my relationship and not be put under a microscope by you.” 

“I can’t believe you would do this. You spoke of Y/n like she moved mountains for you and this is what you’ve been doing behind her back? I’m disgusted with you and your actions…and I’m pretty sure she’s your ex-girlfriend now but you knew that already, didn’t you?” 

Momo hung up quickly, not caring about what Nayeon had to say back to her. More worried about you and your emotional state than anything Nayeon had to say.

 “Did she tell you why or was it her avoiding the question?” inquiring as she took a seat next to you, giving an apologetic look and a bear hug to try to make you feel better. 

“She told me enough for me to want to leave my home, technically she didn’t even tell me, I found a secret bag of Jihyo stuff in our closet with a bunch of pictures of them together, and one shot of them kissing, wax sealed love letters and jewelry.” Voice cracking and shaking as you bite back more emotion. 

Momo gasps as the story unfolds before her, she can’t believe what she’s hearing. It is so polar opposite of what she expected of her members. She always thought they were kind and loving. She imagines what y/n might be feeling in all of this. 

“I am so sorry. Please let me know how I can help you get through this.” reaching for you to pull you into a warm embrace. 

“Well, I’m definitely going to need to find a new apartment so if you want to help me with that I’d be grateful.” half chuckling through some tears, trying to add a little light into the situation. You hated the idea of someone else being upset because of this situation.

“Consider it done” Dahyun walked back in with swollen eyes, sniffling. She probably overheard the argument Momo just had and was reflecting the same amount of empathy as Momo was. 

“We can start tomorrow!”

—

About 3 weeks went by and you were slowly showing signs of your old self. You were going out with friends again, hanging out with Momo a lot, and starting to become present again, no longer constantly seeing the rewind of Nayeon’s innocence faltering behind your eyes. Still receiving texts from Nayeon at least 2 times a day. They served as a reminder of what once was. 

Momo and Dahyun were patient with you, letting you speak with them about the effects this trauma was having on your mental health. It’s always hard to watch your loved ones go through something this difficult but it was obvious that they were proud of how you were handling it, even if it was hard. They were always there to remind you that you could do hard things. 

Finding a 1 bedroom 1 bathroom that was close to Momo and Dahyun’s, signing the lease immediately. It was a slight upgrade to the studio that you and Nayeon occupied previously. The kitchen was bigger, the natural light was brighter, and the bathroom had a large bathtub that you could fully lay down in, which you were looking forward to. 

Spending a week finding the perfect furniture for it, designing the interior however you wanted and making it your own space without someone else’s opinion in the back of your mind was fun. You enjoyed doing this for yourself, fixating on something that had to do with you alone. You felt the ashes from previous ruin sprouting stems as you tried to move on.

You had really been focusing on yourself, trying to resurrect yourself after total devastation. Pulling out the roots, and planting good ones so later on you could reap the benefits. Changing the perspective of your brain was hard, but well worth it.

Being in a better place mentally and emotionally as your sense of stability was so close to being present again, you thought it was time that you continue with the last step of separating from Nayeon.

There was still some stuff you wanted to get back at your old apartment but you didn’t want to run the risk of Nayeon being there. You had no desire to face her, especially while you were still mending. You decided to reach out to her to let her know you’d be coming by to get the rest of your things. 

“Hey, I’m going to stop by today to get my stuff. I’d really like it if you weren’t there.“ You hesitate to hit send, not wanting to come off in a rude way. Quickly realizing how absurd that was and hit send. 

 “So now you reply? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for weeks… are you doing okay?” almost immediately after the message was delivered, like she has been staring at the thread waiting for you to say something. 

“That’s not your concern anymore. What is your schedule like this week? I won’t be long. I’d just like my things, thank you.” you replied with haste, just wanting this to be over. 

“I’ve got something scheduled at 5 today. You can come then if you really don’t want to see me.” 

You can hear the pout over the text message without any hint of it present in the text. This instinctually sparks sadness in you. Biting the inside of your lip and type out a few replies before deciding to just drop it. A wave of the past just flashed in front of you, causing you to fall into loneliness, something you’d fought to keep at bay. 

Checking the clock and it’s already 3pm, you finish up what you’re doing in the living room and take a cold shower before setting out to the apartment one last time.

–

Stepping into the once familiar place, you are hit with the smell of vanilla and sandalwood. “That’s odd” thinking to yourself, wondering if she’s left a candle burning as you walk in, sliding your shoes off by the door. She always forgot to blow them out after lighting them or would fall asleep on the couch with one lit. 

You were right, but with an added twist, the candle was burning in the center of the coffee table flickering against the shadows in the room around you. The flame was blocked out by the shadow of someone on the couch in the dimly lit space. 

“I thought you had schedules.” sighing, irritate at being met with another moment of dishonesty.

“I just needed to talk to you…” she whispers, she had been crying. Hearing it in her voice and seeing it on her face as she turned her back to the candle, taking in your features like it was the first time she’d ever seen you. A  tinge of hope runs through her, your face must be showing sympathy.               

“I needed you to be faithful and that was too much for you so I don’t really want to do any conversing with you.” asserting that you’re completely vexed by her as you walk into the bedroom to gather the rest of the stuff you were taking with you. 

Following you closely, a habit you used to think was cute as she watches you pick up small knick knacks from your childhood, clothes, and some other important tokens left behind. Sorting through every drawer to make sure you got everything, wanting this to be the last time you’re in the once shared life.    

Almosting touching you with how close her proximity was, she wondered if you’d give her some of your time so she could plead for you to stay when you finally spoke up. 

“Can you stop hovering so I can do what I need to and leave?” 

“Can you just talk to me for a second?” Nayeon replied equally annoyed and choked up as she watched you tuck all she had left of you away. 

Turning around to face her, “Fine! What do you want?” 

You’ve never shown her such apathy, the emptiness that rings in your voice hollows her chest out as she takes a few steps forward, you are surprised by the sudden closeness when she leans in and kisses you roughly. 

You gasp which leaves an opening for her to slide her tongue into your mouth, the neediness pouring out of her drenches you with adrenaline and you slowly succumb to her as she bites your lower lip and tugs gently. The world stops.

Every ounce of love you ever felt for this person came slithering back into your mind for a split second, followed by anger as you remind yourself of the betrayal. 

You can’t believe she’s just throwing herself at you. Body reacting exactly how you would expect when your recent ex partner kisses you like this, the familiarity of her hands on your body sends jolts of comfort and excitement through you and you aren't strong enough to fight the primal urge. 

Trailing her hand up your back under your sweater while keeping you distracted with her mouth and sinking her nails into your shoulders, dragging them slowly down your back, causing you to lean into the kiss even more, moaning into her mouth as she smiles. 

Falling into the trap she was setting and you knew it. 

Hands slowly find their place on her waist, she kisses your jaw whispering sweet nothings into your skin. 

“Baby, please stay” she lays another kiss farther down your jaw

“I know you missed this” laying another kiss

“You are always so hungry for me…show me”

She ghosts her lips up and returns to yours as she kisses you passionately, revealing pure lust as she grips onto you. Bringing your hands up to cup her face, allowing yourself to get lost in the breathy haze, heart pounding as you feel your body temperature rise, effects of the love that once was and the lust that now is. 

Spiraling in the dizzying moment,you and Nayeon sink into each other, closeness returning as you’re swept away by the intense feelings you’re both harboring. Hands are exploring as you fumble around, not allowing space between you as you both collapse onto the bed, hungirly taking each other in as you gain control, Nayeon is lost in the essence of you and it was your turn to hold the power.  

In addition to getting on top of her, you place your knee between her legs- just enough out of reach so that she couldn’t get a good position on it. You were going to give her this moment to remember and you were going to make her earn it.

The heat emanates off her as you rip off your sweater tossing it aside. She’s looking up at you like you put the moon in the sky as you reach your arm around and unhook your bra, letting the straps slide down your arms slowly, her eyes wide with anticipation as you remove it, throwing it on top of the sweater. 

Nayeon’s hands reach up, eyes darkened as she tries to touch you when you slam her hands back down into the softness of the sheets, pinning her to the mattress forcefully above her head, glaring into her with white hot anger.  

“No,” as you hold her in place, your body pressed against hers, faces close enough to feel each other's quickened breath. Nayeon sees the flash of spite in your eyes as you press your mouth on hers, it makes her ache while she is refracting desperation, subtly grinding on your thigh as she lets your tongue dance with hers.

Pulling back from the kiss to admire the sight before you; Nayeon is anchored to the bed by your hands, whimpering and grinding on your leg practically begging for you to fuck her. 

Faces return close enough for your lips to lightly graze, teasing her as you remind her where you stand, “Tell me… does Jihyo excite you like this or is this only for me?” with a sultry nuance. She squirms underneath you as you taunt her, her eyes flickering down to your thigh as she tries to grind into you to get some friction to satiate the ache you’re creating within her, only for you to pull your knee back just enough so she can’t reach it. 

 She whines “y/n…please, it’s only yo-” getting up before getting the full answer and dragging her legs to the edge of the bed letting them bend over the edge, pulling her shirt off frantically, exposing her tits. 

 The knot in her stomach tightens as she watches you become completely carnal, continuing toying with her. Lightly tracing her chest with your finger before you kissed her again, this time more aggressively as if you are claiming what had been yours. She groaned into it, always loving when you got like this, you’re ghosting your finger along the waistband of her sweats as you pull back from the kiss again and attacking her neck leaving a trail of dark marks down to her chest. 

“She’ll have to admire my artwork for the next week and I hope she enjoys it” leaving bite marks and bruises as you descend down slowly.

You take one of her nipples into your mouth and swirl your tongue around it, you can hear her breathing hitch as you roughly pinch the other one. Without letting go of her bud between your fingers you detach your mouth and slide your other hand up to Nayeon’s throat, lightly squeeze and ask “Does Jihyo fuck you like the slut you are? Or does she leave you for me to ruin?” 

Nayeon let out a wail as the words cascaded off your tongue, completely bewildered at what is happening right now as she feels the intoxication of your agitated demeanor wash over her while she grows impatient. Pushing back and trying to take the power from you when you mimic your prior movements and slam her down on the bed, letting her know that wasn’t going to happen.

“Don't. Move.” Stoically said while standing up, sliding her pants and underwear off to reveal a string of arousal clinging to the fabric and the soaked mess that she was. She was already clenching around nothing. 

“Pathetic.” You smirk. 

“Does she ever make you this wet?” as you part her lips with one hand, gathering her arousal at her entrance with your finger, and slowly bring it up to your mouth, sucking it clean. She rolls her hips up at the sensation, body screaming for more. 

“I told you not to move.”

Nayeon whines loudly, “Please, Y/n…touch me” begging for some continuous form of contact and being sure not to move while your stand above her watching as tears well up in her eyes. 

“...so needy… does she make you beg for it like this?” the words daunting as they snake out. 

“You’re so good at lying, I’m sure she thinks you belong to her.” 

“What was it that you said earlier?” following up slyly while lowering yourself between her legs, knees on the floor and arms are wrapped around her thighs, with hands planted on her hips keeping them in place. 

“You’re always so hungry for me…” breathing out as you traces patterns on her lower stomach and bring your face closer to her pussy, 

“…show me” she sighs out as you dive down into her folds, moaning intensely as you tangle yourself between her legs. She feels you devouring her sloppily, not leaving a single place unexplored as she tries to buck her hips into your mouth.

Nayeon is seeing stars as past experiences flood back into memory, senses heightened as you consume her more possessively than usual. She loves this version of you. 

Hands holding onto her so tightly as you start sucking on her clit, she squirms under your grip, squealing at the erratic pattern traced with the tip of your tongue before giving her the rhythm she craved so desperately. 

Nayeon’s breathing gets heavier as you stick to the pace you know she likes, building her up to where you wanted her. The moaning gets louder as you continue lapping at her, hands go up to your hair, locking you in place as you bring her as close to the edge as possible. 

Hearing her high pitched whines and feeling her pussy clench around nothing, completely stopping everything that you are doing.  

“Wha?!-..” she let out a groan that could’ve shattered windows as you stood before her, watching her react to the orgasm being ruined. 

“Why would you do that?!” she groaned out, squeezing her legs together again. You lightly smack her thigh, telling her without words not to. The slap radiates through the room and leaves a small red hand print displayed. 

Enjoying the blissful anguish on her face as you licked the evidence right off your mouth while removing your pants and underwear. Getting on the bed, straddling her, wetness visible as it drips off of you, she looked up at you with wanting eyes, hips still rutting, and knowing exactly where this was going.

“Did you really think I’d give you what you wanted so easily?” you start scooting up so that your knees are on either side of her head, a mere inch from her face.

“You’ll have to earn it.” Leaning forward and head between your legs, tongue out already anticipating the taste of you. 

A gasp echoes in your chest as she licks the inside of your thighs, making sure not to waste a drop of you before taking one big slow lick up your slit, doing that several times, causing you to thrust into her more before attaching her lips to your clit and finding the rhythm she knew you wanted. 

Drowning in her all over again as you feel the knot in your stomach stir, you need more from her but she wasn’t going to give you that right away.

“Naye- ..fuck, just like that -on” you whine her name, slowly start to fuck her face. 

“More.”  Demanding breathlessly, feeling your release building throughout your body, muscles tightening as she shakes her head no, trying not to remove her mouth from you.

“Nay-“  a guttural moan stops you mid sentence, knowing what she wanted from you. 

“Baby…please, I need you” pleasure all consuming, you’re aching for her inside of you.

Before you can ask again, a long finger slides into your core and starts pumping forward to hit your g-spot a few times before adding another finger. 

Another loud moan, as you steadily rock your hips against her mouth, building on the list you were already feeling. Close to breaking, you feel one of her hands slide up to your chest and start tugging on your nipple, that’s what sends you over the edge. 

Throwing your head back as your breath quickens, grinding against her face, with a death grip on her hair. Shaking on top of her as your orgasm rips through you, she keeps going, letting you ride it out. 

“Good girl,” you say breathly as you scoot back to straddle her hips again, body feeling like static as you come down. 

Catching your breath while looking at her cum covered face, you know you aren’t finished with her just yet. Leaning up to you, wrapping her arms around you and kissing you. Tasting yourself on her as you pull her arms off of you.

“I missed the way you taste.” she cooed as you stood up again, half wobbling as you were still recovering. 

“Didn’t I say not to move?” sternly rolls off your tongue, her eyes widen as you push her back down roughly and spit directly onto her pussy. Not that you needed the extra lube, you spread it around her entrance before slamming 2 fingers into her.

“Fuck, Y/n…” she moans as you pump your fingers quickly into her, feeling how wet she is from the orgasm you stole. She thrusts harshly, forcing your digits deeper into her.

“You don’t cum until I say you can.” growled at her from between her legs - peering up to see her face, eyes clamped shut as she leaked out onto the sheets - impatiently waiting for you to stimulate her in some way. 

You can’t help but torture her a little. 

“Does Jihyo make you wet like this? Or is she a shit replacement fuck when I’m not around”

She doesn’t even hear what you’re saying while she’s writhing underneath you, completely fucked out and trying to focus on not cumming while you’re toying with her. Your mouth finds its way to her clit causing a frantic moan to rip through her chest, hands pulling at the sheets as she holds everything back.

“Ca- can I cum please?” She screeches between moans, nodding your head back to her while keeping the same circular motions going with your tongue on her clit, picking up the pace of the fingers inside her as she screams out - back arching, body tense, and clenching down on your fingers as she cums, gushing all over your hand. 

Trying to take a breath, she squeals because you never stop fucking her at a relentless pace; she’s immediately back to moaning your name. 

“Baby, What are yo-” words cut off as she loudly moans, giving her a second to try and finish the sentence. 

“Use your words” as you pick up the pace even more, holding her down onto the mattress with your left hand on her hip, pounding your fingers into her. 

Unable to speak coherently, almost screaming as she tries to formulate sentences. 

“You wanted to cum so bad, so give me another one.” Answering the question she couldn’t ask while snapping into her g-spot, bending down to put your lips on hers again, giving her a taste of herself as she moans into your mouth, unable to hold back from the feeling of being over-stimulated. 

She feels the tension inside her forming again, threatening to burst at any moment when you lean over to ghost your lips over her ear. 

“I bet Jihyo doesn’t make you cum like this.” Violent combustion dispels from her body as she tenses underneath you, screaming into your mouth and sinking her claws into your back while riding out her orgasm.

Both of you lay on the bed, attempting to catch your breath. She rolls over to you, and tries to curl up in your arms but you get up before she can get too comfortable.

“Baby, where are you going? Sleepily stated while staying on the bed.  

Silence as you put your underwear back on.

“Hello?” 

Silence as you slide your pants on 

“…are you leaving?” She says in a sad tone, leaning up on her elbows, watching you put your shirt on and gather all the stuff you came to get. 

“Yup.” 

She is in complete disbelief as you walk out of the bedroom door, hearing you put your shoes on in the kitchen and then hearing the door open. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?…what is that on your neck?” heard from the kitchen. Nayeon’s eyes widen as she realizes the time and the plans she made…with Jihyo. 

“I don’t really think she will be much use to you tonight but you’re more than welcome to try.” You say condescendingly to Jihyo as she stares at you about to walk out. 

“Oh, by the way” , turning your head to her as you open the door.

“I hope you like the way I taste. Enjoy.” smiling at her as you walk right out of the apartment. She stares at the front door in disbelief as she’s figuring out her next move, now in a similar position to where you were.

“Nayeon!” screamed loud enough for you to hear while you’re walking toward the elevator. Not even being able to help the smirk across your face knowing she’s about to get an earful. Laughing to yourself as you call the elevator.

-

Starting the ride home, you think about exactly what just happened. Unable to believe you allowed yourself to fuck Nayeon and act like that towards Jihyo. Thinking about it not with regret, but with a blend of malice and sadness. They were both important to you, previously but that’s reality anymore.

Looking into the rearview mirror at the complex behind you, almost a far-well glance for you as your phone vibrates in your pocket. 

Pulling it out to see Jihyo’s name across the top and hit the end button, sending her straight to voicemail. She calls again, same response. The third time your phone vibrates, you answer it 

“Can you stop calling me? I obviously don't want to talk to you.” sounding heavily annoyed. 

“…Y/n?” A familiar softness rings on the other line as you look at the phone number that isn’t saved.

“Oh…uhm, sorry…I thought this was Jihyo. I don’t have this number saved in my phone…”

“That’s alright” a small chuckle follows, “It’s Mina.”

"Mina?"

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Take me Back to Eden - The Summoning - Part 5