#I think I read an article where someone working on the show said they ‘didn’t want to lose Archie and Jessie to a cottage’

[clarkgriffon]

I hope they do keep the ending for Mal and Alina in the show because while I wasn’t huge on them in the books, the ending they get being powerless and taking over Keramzin is just so lovely.

[after-witch]

Horrorfest: I'm Smarter Than The Devil, I'm Smarter Than the Devil! [Yandere Demon Chrollo x reader]

Title: I'm Smarter Than the Devil, I'm Smarter Than the Devil! [Yandere Demon Chrollo x Reader]

Synopsis: You should always read the rulebook before committing to a deal with the devil.

For Horrorfest request:

Hi! This is my first time sending in a prompt, so please forgive any formatting errors :) the prompt is "Reader doesn't read the fine print and accidentally sells soul to demon!Chrollo" (hxh)

Word count: 1024ish

notes: yandere, bad decisions

It isn’t fair. It simply isn’t fair. It is oh so, completely, wholly, utterly, entirely unfair. 

“I didn’t know–” you start, and stop, and hate how childish you sound. Whining and petty, and this is no petty thing. 

After all, you’ve sold your soul to the devil.

Well, correction. You’ve sold your soul to a devil. 

A devil you hadn’t seen in years, and hadn’t expected to see ever again. Not after the night you made the trade, a trade which had seemed simple enough at the time. 

Everything seems simpler, doesn’t it, when you’re not looking back with the unwelcome clarity of hindsight?

–

“And… all I have to do is sign your book?” 

How weak you must look–how human, how mortal–to the demon standing in front of you. The bandage he’d wound around his head when he first showed up is gone, and underneath it, imprinted on his skin, is a mark that is sure to mean nothing good. 

He’s not bad looking, you suppose. For a devil. Dark hair and eyes that seem to see right through you. Part of you wants to ask about the coat–doesn’t it get hot, where he comes from, with the fur collar?--but now that you’re soaking in the reality of it all, mostly you’re focused on the book in his hands.

A book that glows, a book with pages whose words swim around when you try to peek at them. 

The demon smiles politely, with no teeth. If he were to grin, would he have fangs? 

“And agree to make a trade.”

You swallow. Right. The book said you would have to make a trade with the demon you summoned. This could be anything, as long as the demon wanted it. Someone else’s life; a precious object, usually sentimental; or well. Your stomach squirms at one of the other things the book said a demon may want, and you hope it doesn’t come to that. 

“What… do you want to trade for?” You want to smack yourself on the head the moment the words leave your lips. Giving the demon an open-ended opportunity is a rookie mistake–and yeah, it was your first time summoning a demon, and maybe some of the online articles you found were a bit sketchy, but the guide book seemed solid enough. Given by a friend of a friend who swore his cousin used it and it worked out just fine.

The demon snorts.

“Didn’t your little book tell you not to leave it up to me?”

“Um.” You shrug, feeling stupid, and human, and very, very pathetic. “Yes. But I just–well.” You turn out your pockets, empty as anything; that’s why you summoned the demon, after all. You need your big break. A way to make money, to be successful, to finally have the lucrative career you always wanted. “I figured it’d be better if you just tell me what you want from me?”

The demon’s gaze narrows. 

“What makes you think I would want something from you, little human?” He takes a step forward, and a warmth fills the air. Not a comforting warmth, but something unpleasant, like the smell of gas when you open a stove. “How arrogant.”

He’s going to kill you he’s going to kill you he’s going to–

“But there must be something you don’t have,” you blurt out. “Even demons must be unhappy like we are, and want something different. Right?” Oh, it’s stupid, and unbearably human, but it’s the first thing that comes to mind. Honest, dumb thing that you are. 

The demon parts his lips–and then closes them abruptly. He tilts his head at you, gazing at you with a curiosity just as unpleasant as the bitter warmth around him.

“What an unusual thing to say,” he murmurs.

He’s going to leave. He won’t make the deal. He might kill you, at worst. At best, you’ve done all this for nothing. 

“All right. I’ll make a deal.”

You can’t hide the surprise on your face.

“You-you mean it?” Giddy, awful hope bubbles up inside you. “But–what will you trade for?”

The demon smiles primly. “Something you can’t even feel.  You won’t miss it once it’s gone, I promise you.”

Your head is too full of anticipation to think about it further. The bitter air around you doesn’t help, adding an almost hazy feeling to your head. Something you can’t feel and won’t miss… maybe a talent you didn’t know you had? Or one you did, but won’t miss after he’s taken it. You always did like singing, maybe he’ll snap up your singing voice and shove it in his pockets. Or he’ll walk away with your favorite genre of book, forgotten in your emptier head, no worse for the wear.

“Deal!” You blurt. 

He does smile wider then, a grin. He doesn’t have fangs, but that doesn’t make it less unnerving.

The book’s pages glow when he holds them out to you, and they’re warm when he presses a quill in your hands and bids you to sign your name.

You do. Shaky, uneven. But your name, there, forever in the pages.

The book snaps shut.

You have only a brief glimpse of the demon before he disappears in a wisp of black smoke. As he vanishes, he says something, but you don’t quite know what it means–

“Chrollo.”

–

You can’t feel a soul, and who knows when it’s gone? Not you, certainly. Though there’s something jittery about the realization that you’ve been walking around for years with nothing underneath your skin but your brain and bones and blood.

Did anyone else notice? Was some light gone from your eyes, never to return?

All because some demon had lifted your soul like a pickpocket. Through deception, through misdirection. 

“Don’t be so sour with me, dear.” The pet name makes your stomach roil. 

That bitter warmth from so many years ago, the unpleasant hit that feels like it’s coming from a furnace, seems to rise up from behind you, pushing you into his arms. He still wears his coat, after all these years; an impractical looking thing, considering how hot it must be where he comes from.

How hot it must be, where you’re going.

He presses a chaste kiss to your forehead. 

“It’s not my fault you didn’t read the fine print.” 

[frvnkcastles]

A MAN WITH A BLACK HEART OF GOLD ➵ F. CASTLE

Summary: When there’s a death in the neighborhood, you call Frank for comfort and protection.

Warnings: Mentions of death, anxiety, fluff mostly!

Word count: 2.1k

Author’s note: Taking a quick break from requests for this little thing I whipped up after experiencing this very thing myself. A dead body was found in my neighborhood and it freaked me out, but thankfully it was updated on the news that a crime wasn’t involved. Still, I wouldn’t mind if I had Frank next to me tonight!

The last thing you expected coming home from getting the groceries for next week was a bunch of police cars and an ambulance on your street. The sight instantly made you nervous, your grip on the bag of food tightening as you walked through the crowd to get to your door. The police were swarmed by the building across the street, giving you access to your own home, but before you made your way inside, your neighbor caught your eye.

”What’s going on?” you queried with both curiosity and dread. You knew there was plenty of crime in the city — if not through reading the news, then through knowing Frank. You had befriended the Punisher himself a few weeks back, and he had already taught you a lot about staying safe and protected, but even with everything he had shared with you, you felt uneasy that something had happened so close to your doorstep. You were used to hearing about what went down at night from him, but right now, it was barely evening and whatever had happened, it was right across the street from you.

”Apparently they found a dead body in one of the apartments”, your neighbor whispered, and with shock punching you in the gut, you swallowed. ”They won’t say what happened, though. Maybe it was natural causes”, she continued, and weakly, you nodded. Maybe she was right. But you had heard enough from Frank to know that there was some seriously fucked up stuff happening in your city, and it made you sick to think something like that had happened in your neighborhood.

You headed inside, working completely on autopilot as you got in your apartment and started unloading the groceries. You enjoyed every second you spent with Frank, in fact, you had gotten quite attached to him, but right now, you regretted ever listening to his haunting tales of criminals and crooks. All it did was make you overthink, your brain going in evil loops as you wondered if there was a murderer on the loose — maybe a serial killer, even? Maybe he was targeting people in your area. Maybe you were next.

You spent the evening refreshing the website of the local news, waiting for something to pop up. When it finally did, all the article said was that a corpse had been discovered and the police was still investigating whether or not it had been a crime. You gnawed on your nails anxiously. How hard could it be to tell if someone had murdered them? Even you knew there would have to be signs of a break-in or a struggle or something. Or maybe you had just watched too much TV.

Either way, it was driving you mad. And you knew what could make you feel better — calling Frank. You just didn’t know if you were in the stage of your relationship where it would be okay to do. Your encounters tended to be initiated by him, as he would either show up on your doorstep or behind your window unannounced, or you’d run into him at a coffee shop or a diner in a way that you suspected wasn’t random. You knew he was a busy man, and the last thing you wanted was to scare him off by being clingy, or worst case scenario, to endanger his life by calling him at the wrong time.

But it was Frank. Frank, who was always so good to you, Frank, who was way more talented at giving support and comfort than he gave himself credit for, Frank, who never judged or laughed at you if it wasn’t meant to be laughed at. God, it was no wonder you were already falling for him, when he was such a perfect gentleman every time you saw him.

A little embarrassed but hopeful that he’d be understanding, you decided to call him. You paced back and forth in your apartment while the phone rang, your nail between your teeth and your feet shuffling anxiously. It felt kind of awkward, too trivial to actually be worth Frank’s time, but the fear of what had happened beat the shame in you. You were growing more terrified by the minute, and you knew it was something only he could alleviate.

”Hey, sweetheart. What’s up?” Frank’s voice hit you through the phone, and gulping at the thickness of his voice, you shook yourself out of the daze you had fallen into while waiting for him to pick up.

”Hi, Frank. This is kinda embarrassing, but, uh… if you have the time—I understand if you don’t, would you maybe mind visiting? And… maybe even spending the night? The police found a dead body across the street and I’m just a little freaked out”, you rambled, your nerves getting the best of you, but Frank listened patiently instead of interrupting you.

For a beat, he was silent, and it was enough time for you to start wondering if you had made a mistake calling him. But finally, he spoke up. ”Yeah, darlin’, I’ll be there. Hang on f’me, yeah?” he answered, and with a weight rolling off of your chest, you sighed.

”Thank you, Frank.” You hung up the phone and threw yourself onto the couch, burying your face in your hands as you groaned. This was very much not what you had expected from your night, but maybe, it was a blessing in disguise. After all, you were officially signed up for some more time in Frank’s company, and the mere thought got you to smile to yourself. He had stolen your heart so effortlessly, it was ridiculous.

You didn’t know when to expect him, as you obviously couldn’t make him drop everything just for you, but when it started to get dark, you grew anxious again. He was taking his sweet time and being alone in the apartment made you uncomfortable, with every sound from outside your little bubble making you alert.

Finally, though, there was a knock on your door, and you jumped with your hand on your chest. You tiptoed to the front door and stole a glimpse through the peephole just to be safe, feeling calmer when you saw Frank standing there with his head hung low and his hands folded in front of him. You opened the door, and despite the worry inside your soul, the sight of him brought a smile on your face. He looked too good to be true, his sleeves rolled up and his dark hair covered in rain droplets.

”Sorry it took me a while. I made a pitstop”, he announced, gesturing at the bag in his hands. He walked inside, gently kicking the door shut behind him, and leaning down to briefly kiss your cheek before making his way to the kitchen. The casual gesture made your face hot and your heart skip a beat, but you followed him to the kitchen without commenting on it.

”What’s all this?” you asked as he began taking things out of the bag — chips, food containers, a bottle of beer for him and your favorite soda for you.

”Figured you ain’t gonna be able to sleep, anyway. We might as well make a night out of it. Watch a movie or somethin’, whatever you want”, he shrugged like it was the most normal thing ever for him to show up with everything thought of. You felt giddy, unable to believe he would do all this for you, and you did the only thing you could think of and stepped in to hug him.

He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you, looking down at your face, painted with all kinds of heavy emotions. ”You must have been real scared, huh?” he muttered, and shyly, you nodded. ”It’s aight. ’M here now and I’mma make sure you’re safe”, Frank reassured you, just his words enough to console you. All it took was his presence to make you feel protected, and you appreciated it deeply.

”If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t heard of anythin’ goin’ down over here and I’m always on top of these things. I’m sure it was just a one-time thing”, he went on, and nodding, you pulled back from him and grabbed the soda can from the counter.

”I hope so. I kind of just wanna think about something else, so… how about that movie?” you suggested, drawing a sip from your drink.

Frank agreed quickly, and you two huddled up on your couch with the food and the snacks. Time passed in a blink of an eye, with midnight rolling around by the time you were finished with the first movie, but as Frank had suspected, you weren’t exactly eager to go to sleep. Sleeping made you vulnerable, and it scared you — so, you watched another movie.

You ended up migrating from your end of the couch to Frank’s arms. Totally platonic, you told yourself. He was sweet with you, surprisingly affectionate too, but you weren’t sure he felt the same way that you did. At least, you didn’t think he was ready to. He hadn’t told you everything, but you had read the news enough to know what he had gone through and what he had lost, so you doubted he was looking for a relationship. It stung, you had to admit that much, but you found a small consolation in the fact that it wasn’t anything personal.

A yawn slipped from you, and Frank noticed, perceptive as always. ”You should get some rest, sweetheart”, he pointed out, and begrudgingly, you supposed he was right.

”I don’t mean to push but… will you stay in the bed with me?” you asked carefully, hoping you weren’t crossing a boundary, but he didn’t seem to have any hesitation regarding the matter.

”Sure thing.”

With that, he helped you up from the couch, and you went ahead with your nightly routine of washing your face, brushing your teeth and changing into your PJs. When you stepped into the bedroom, Frank was already lying on your bed, his arms behind his head as he waited for you. Seeing him like that, it made your chest tighten and your stomach do a backflip. You had imagined this exact situation countless times, though you suspected your daydreams ended very differently than what reality had in store for you.

You settled under the covers, sighing deeply as you rubbed your tired eyes and felt the stress of the day weigh you down. Frank observed you closely, a small smile on his lips, and it made you chuckle nervously.

”What?” you questioned, earning a shrug from him.

”You just look real pretty, ’s all”, he revealed, and with your eyes widening, you stared at him, trying to find any hint of joke on his face. There was none.

”Thanks, Frankie”, you replied sheepishly, tucking your hair behind your ear. ”And thanks for the food and for staying with me. I really appreciate it”, you added, and with a soft nod, he dropped his hands to his lap and shifted deeper into the mattress.

”I know it ain’t a permanent solution, but I want ya to know I’mma keep an eye on this place. I’ll make sure nothin’ happens to you”, he promised, and surprised, you lifted yourself up to rest on your elbow, your gaze meeting his.

”You’d do that?” you spoke in disbelief, and with a completely serious look, he nodded once again.

”Course, I would, sweetheart. I never wanna see you in harm’s way. I know this is still pretty new, but I, uh, I like you”, he confessed, his voice almost nervous. You couldn’t imagine him ever being nervous, but as you both sat in his admission, the air growing hot between you, that was exactly how he felt.

Feeling impulsive, you closed the space between you and kissed him. He melted into it immediately, his big hand reaching up to cradle your face, his lips moving against yours in a way that was thrilling and enchanting. He took your breath away, kissing you with passion but sweetness, and it was even better than you had imagined.

Breathless, you broke the kiss, and he dropped his forehead to yours. ”I like you, too”, you returned the favor, and breaking into a grin, Frank kissed you again, shorter this time but equally delicious.

In hindsight, you were beyond glad you had called him, and he felt the same way. And for you, he was going to get to the bottom of what had happened.

[igotanidea]

Ranking: Jason Todd x fem!reader

graphic by @huedmmi (amazing job with that, thank you!!)

Summary: heroes couples ranking? Might seem like a good idea, but not every pair can make the top......

This is placed in the Ego!verse, cause been a while since I wrote for that. You can find other stories of this verse in my masterlist.

***

„What are you doing?”

„Reading.”

“What are you reading?”

“NOTHING!”

Jason sneaked behind her back, trying to sneak a peek of the article on the Internet Y/N was reading. However, all the time she spend being in the relationship with him and her vigilante instincts combined made her act quick enough to shut the laptop before he could see as much as one letter.

Jason smirked

“Oh, you’re hiding something.”

“What?” she scoffed “I’m not hiding anything.”

“You can’t lie to me, you know it.” He teased leaning forward, their faces inches away from one another

“Are you trying to intimidate me?” she moved even closer “Sorry not sorry, but it’s not working.”

“Well then maybe I just have to keep convincing you…..?”

“I’m the one playing with minds, not you, remember?”

“Come on princess….. just tell me what you’re hiding…..”

“Nope.”

“Y/N.”

“Yes?”

“Don’t be a tease.”

“Have you met me?” she smirked “Tease is practically my middle name.”

“Please?”

“No.” she cut him off “now stop whining, get up and let’s go.”

“Where exactly?”

“Batcave, duh! Did you think I was asking you for a date, or something?” she raised an eyebrow, looking at him teasingly.

“Wouldn’t dream of it……”

He didn’t like the idea of going to the manor for the debriefing, but….. there might be someone who could help him digging some information out.

***

“Drake. I need to talk to you.”

“Mhm….” Tim muttered not really paying attention, his head elsewhere “How about we reschedule that for next month? I’m busy…..” he tried to take a sip of coffee, but before the god’s drink found a way to his mouth, Jason snatched it out of his hands.

“Drake!”

“Give me back my coffee, Todd……”

“Not before you help me.”

“And why should I do that?”

Jason sighed in frustration. On one hand he could just tell Tim was this was about. On the other that would mean showing his vulnerable side and that was a no go. So he just settled on standing in Tim’s room, holding his mug of out his reach, considering pros and cons of each option.

“It’s about Y/N.” Jason finally said, relenting “I’m worried about her.”

“About Y/N? Why? She’s a tough one. I mean, she;s in a relationship with you, I don’t think much can break her.”

“I’m serious, Tim. You may not notice this, but lately she’s been acting… closed off. She’s…. sad.”

“Sad? Cracking jokes left and right? Two days ago she almost made Dick fall off the rooftop telling one of her funny stories.”

“Please tell me it was not a story about me…..?”

“Nope. Those are not funny anymore and she found a lot funnier subjects. Nevermind… Tim shook his head. The point is, she’s acting normal. Why would you be concerned? Wait. Why would you be concerned?

���Cause she’s my girlfriend!”

“Oh…. You do care….” Tim smiles

“Shut up!”

“You want my help or not?”

“If you helping me require me admitting I care about her…….” Jason sighed “Fine, I do. I do care about her. Please, help me?”

“Of course, I’ll help you Jason.” Tim grinned knowing well enough he just got Jason right where he wanted him “and just so you know, it’s not a secret you love her.”

“Shut up…..”

“Fine! Fine!” Tim laughed at Jason’s flustered face “What’s the deal?”

“Y/N…..” Jason said her name with the mix of affection and worry “she’s been spending a lot of time in front of her computer, lately. She claims she’s reading. And I believe her. But whatever article it is, she’s been spending her time on, makes her distracted. It’s almost like she’s been avoiding me for some reason I cannot fucking understand. She’s lost in her head!”

“The girl is a mind reader, Jason. She can hear people’s thoughts. Is this really so surprising that she’s had enough?”

“Yeah, she had those…. Phases. But it’s not like that. She;s only like that because of what she found on the net.”

“Ok… Let’s assume I believe you. But what do I have to do with it?”

Jason muttered something incoherently.

“Sorry, what was that?” Tim chuckled

“I want you to break into her computer……”

“You what now?!”

“I need you to…..”

“Oh no, I heard you. You want me to hack your girlfriend’s computer. It’s just I can’t comprehend what got into your head.”

“I’m kind of desperate…..And you’re the expert on tech…..”

“I’m not buying into this…….” Tim laughs

“Come on, Drake!”

“Not a chance, Jason. Again. Y/N is a mind reader. She’ll find out what we did in a heartbeat. And I don’t want to have my brain grilled. I saw her in action, I know what it means to make her angry. “

“Don’t tell me you’re scared of Y/N…..” Jason mocks

“You are terrified of making her angry yourself…..”

“Ok, fine! She can be scary…… Fuck! You’re no use, Drake!” Jason jumped to his feet, rushing out of Tim’s room, fists clenched, muttering something under his nose.

“It was nice to see you too, Todd!” Tim laughed. He always found it funny how Jason acted under the influence of emotions.

***

“Grayson!”

“Jaybird!” Dick grinned at Jason, the second the latter came through the door to the kitchen “came for some brothers’ bonding?”

“more like binding” Jason rolled his eyes “unless you’ll help me.”

“You must be truly desperate to come to me for help…..”

“Oh, God… have you been watching Thor again?”

“I had a whole marathon. But sure, I’ll give you a hand with whatever you need. What is this about?”

“Y/N.”

“Y/N? What about her?”

“Oh, fuck, not you too. Am I really the only person who noticed she’s been acting off lately? Are you fucking serious?!”

“Um…..relax Jace?”

“How the fuck am I supposed to relax seeing my girlfriend hurting?!”

“And it’s my fault?!” Dick exclaimed with shock in his voice.

“NO! Yes! Wait, is it?” Jason took a step towards Dick “what did you do to her Dickhead!?”

“Nothing! I swear!”

“You’re lying!”

“I’m not lying!”

“Then why won’t she talk to me?!”

“I don’t know! Come on Jace! Don’t get crazy again.”

“Talk to her.” Jason said, calming down. As much as it hurt him to admit it, he was acting erratic and he didn’t want to be aggressive. Not again. Those days were behind him. “Please, just talk to her.”

“Why me?”

“Cause you’re the only person I can trust to do this without making her suspicious. And because she won’t talk to me.”

“Jason…. She’s a mind reader….”

“You’re not the first person to tell me that today. Thank you.” Jason mocks “I kind of remember!”

“Wait…..” dick eyes grow wide…. “I might……”

“You might what, Grayson?!”

“I might know what this is about…..” Dick muttered slowly, but seeing Jason furious expression, with his eyes burning he picked up the talking pace at once “ok, so there’s this little site with superheroes couples ranking…..”

“WHAT!?”

“I mean, not that I read it…..”

“Sure you’re not Dickhead…..”

“But Barbara…. She’s actually a fan. And so it Lois …..”

“Lois? As in Lois Lane?”

“Yeah….. it’s actually pretty popular amongst the girls… I mean, it’s not any ambitious writing on anything like that but when you need something to relax and unwind after a hard day…..Steph and Cass read it too and we spend last evening going thought it and gossiping and……” Dick started rambling “sorry. Not the point.”

“Make the point then….” Jason had to fight the urge to punch his adoptive brother in the face.

“Um…. Me and Babs….. I mean, Nightwing and Batgirl  might have scored first last week……  And I might have slipped a word about it to Y/N…..”

“You scored first?”

“Yeah…..” Dick smiled wildly “I mean we are a really, really good couple but I never thought we could beat Clark and Lois to the first position. Sure, I also might have did some things to catch press attention, but still I ……”

“Grayson, I am warning you…..”Jason hissed

“Sorry. Long story short…. The news got to Y/N. and you know her. She’s the investigator. She started digging and found the site and now she’s been kind of addicted to it, checking it out every week hoping Red Hood and Ego will make it to the list, but…..”

“But what?” Jason asked but he already sensed the answer.

“You did not…..”

“So what you are telling me, is that you scored first, and I didn’t even make the first …. Ten?”

“Fifty……”

“I didn’t make the top 50?!!”

“I’m not the one making those rankings! Stop yelling at me!”

“That’s why she’s been so sad? Was she disappointed? let down?” Jason asked. What he did not form out loud was the question whether she felt unloved? Because of some crazy internet ranking. “I gotta go talk to her…..”

“Yeah…. You should….That might clear the air. You know, honesty is really important. And honest is, I scored FIRST!”

“We’ll talk about that later, Dickhead. I got more important things to do now.”

***

“Y/N.”

“Oh, hey, Jace. What’s up?”

“I know what you’ve been reading.”

“You know what?”

“Stop it”

“Ok, fine.” She sighed “I’m going to kill Grayson for spilling the bean. “

“Sorry princess, but he’s mine. But now… about this … stupid ranking thing… is that really making you this sad? Are you…. Unsatisfied with our relationship?” he asked, all his insecurity and vulnerability coming out in waves. He doubted him his entire life. He always thought that Y/N was too good for him and one day she would just …. leave. And now, it was practically coming true……”

“what?” judging by the tone she became terrified of what he was asking her. “Jace….baby….” she dived into his arms, hugging him tight. What got into your stupid pretty head, you dummy? I love you… I love being with you. If I got discouraged by something someone writes on the Internet that would be …. Childish… immature… stupid.”

“But…..”

“No buts, Jace…..” she pulled back, grabbing his face with both her hands, looking deep into her eyes “I love you, you idiot.”

“I love you too, sweetpea…..”

“Now that is a new nickname……”

“Do you like it?” he smirks “tell me what does it do to you.”

“You’ll have to call me that a few more times just so I can figure out exactly what it does to me.” She smiles pulling him down to kiss.

***

“JASON!!”  

Next morning Y/N standardly checked out the weekly ranking. Just for fun… After that little making up and clearing the air she had with Jason all night, she couldn’t care less about what vigilante couples made the top 10 and who did not. She was happy with her boyfriend. And that was what counted.

But.

There was something so surprising that he just screamed Jason’s name the moment she opened the page.

“Y/N!!??” Jason rushed into her room, shirtless, his face confused. “Are you in danger?! What happened?!”

“THANK YOU!!” she yelled again jumping into his arms. Obviously he immediately pulled her into his chest, enjoying her warmth and hugs and kissed she started planting all over his face , but was still unsure of what was happening.

“Y/N? Not that I’m complaining, but what is this about?”

“We made the first place!! I mean, Ego and Red Hood did! Look, look….” She grabs his hand and lead him to the computer, pointing at the page, almost jumping in excitement. “do you see that?!”

“Yeah, princess I see it….” he smiles, full of smugness.

“Thank you!”

“I didn’t do a single thing…..”

“So, Red hood spotted making some sort of floral carpet for Ego was purely accidental?” she smirked, but her eyes were glistening with pure love and admiration. “You didn’t have to, you know?” she stood up, locking arms on his neck, his founding a way to her waist and pulling her close. “I told you I didn’t give a damn about those rankings and you must have been working at it for hours….”

“It was worth it, baby. Seeing that smile and those pretty eyes shining….. And maybe I deserved a little kiss?”

“Oh, you deserved so…. much…. more….” She brushed her lips over his, making that little kiss a promise of something more to come. “And…” Y/N pulled back “as a bonus, you probably pissed off Dick.”

“Oh, yeah… That was definitely my biggest motivation….” His grip on her waist tightened suggestively.

“Really?” she mutters leaning forward “maybe I can convince you otherwise? Show you what should have been your biggest motivation from the beginning?”

“You know I can’t say no to you, baby……”

[buckychristwrites]

About You | Day 1 | j.t.

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x F!Reader

Summary: Your job? Pop culture journalist for The Independent. Your assignment? To write a profile on the cocky footballer that you're publicly feuding with.

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: Cussing. Enemies to lovers

A/N: I know I just posted the Prologue but here's the first chapter! All of this plus chapter two are posted on my Ao3 :) enjoy!

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The Nelson Road Stadium was bigger than you had imagined it, though you had never seen it in person before. Walking through the door, you timidly showed security your press pass before asking where you would be able to find either Keely Jones or anyone in charge. The security guard was less than helpful, just pointing haphazardly to the left.  Instead of pressing further, you just decided to walk. Eventually, you’d have to run into someone who knew something, right? 

Your eyes jumped from wall to wall, taking in the pictures and memorabilia that filled them. Pulling out your phone from your pocket, you opened your camera and snapped a picture. Either for the article or just for bragging rights, it could be useful in the future. 

“Hiya,” An uneasy voice said from behind you. Startled, you whirled around to find a vaguely familiar face staring at you, a tiny woman with light hair, big eyes and eyebrows knitted together. “Are you waiting for someone?” It took a second for you to process what she was asking you. Taking a deep breath in an attempt to bring your heart rate down, you shook your head.

“I’m looking for Keeley Jones, or anyone who could be in charge here, really,” You explained before introducing yourself. “I’m from The Independent, and I’m doing the piece on Tartt.” Saying his name and the whole sentence out loud felt like a betrayal to yourself, but you tried to hide your distaste from your demeanor. The woman’s face lit up.

“Perfect timing then,” She said brightly. “I’m Keeley Jones.” Relief filled you. The idea of navigating this place on your own had been very stressful. 

“Thank goodness,” You huffed. A part of you had been worried that everyone would be as lackadaisical as the security guard before. 

“Thank you so much for doing this,” She said as she began to lead you down the hallway. “I think it’s going to be a wonderful opportunity for Richmond, and for Jamie.” Your face contorted slightly at the sound of his name, and you were thankful you were walking behind her so she couldn’t see it. When you didn’t respond, she glanced back at you. “I really think that once you get to know him, you’ll change your mind.”

Ahhh, so she had read your work.

“My articles about him were never meant to be personal,” You said while trying not to sound defensive. Wanting to elaborate further, you searched your brain for any semblance of an explanation, but turned up empty. She nodded in a surprisingly understanding way.

“You weren’t wrong by any stretch,” She admitted, giving you an earnest look. “He’s a piece of work. But he has changed, I promise you.” 

You said nothing. What was there to say? Every person in this club all views Tartt as family. Of course they would be quick to defend him, especially against someone who was very publicly critical of him. 

Not that he needed the defense, of course. Whenever an article of yours about him hit the socials, he was quick to respond on Twitter, and it always led to a very public spat between the two of you. Another reason on the list as to why the public loved the feud you had with a man who you had never met in person.

Keeley led you up a set of stairs and outside a closed door. She gave you a quick smile before tapping her knuckles against it.

“Just wanna let Rebecca know you’re here before letting you meet the team,” She whispered as a voice called from the other side, Come in!

The door swung open and the two of you entered. Your presence was swiftly forgotten as the two of them squealed and embraced. Crossing your arms over your chest, you glanced around the office and pretended to not be eavesdropping on their mini conversation.

“What are you doing here?” Rebecca asked excitedly.

“I set up a profile on Jamie for The Independent! I wanted to be here when the journalist showed up,” She explained, before turning back to you. When Rebecca did the same, she seemed to be studying you. She was taller than you had imagined her to be, wearing a pencil skirt and a sleeveless top. You felt nervous just being in her presence.

 As Keeley introduced the two of you, the platinum blonde’s face seemed to firm at the sound of your name, making you nauseated. The warmth returned to her face just as quickly as it went.

“Pleasure to have you,” She said as she held out a hand. Whether her tone was sincere or not, it was hard to say. Swallowing the anxiety, you took it.

“How long are you coming ‘round for?” Keeley asked. You looked up at the ceiling in thought.

“A week or two, depending.”

“Depending on… what exactly?” Rebecca asked, her grin faltering ever so slightly. The question itself made you want to turn around and run home. You had met a lot of powerful people in your career, but there was something about the way Rebecca held herself that made you more intimidated than you had ever felt before.

“Just depending on how things are going and if I feel like I need more time,” You explained quickly. “I will be at the next two matches.” Keeley broke out into a wide smile.

“That’ll be fun! You can sit in the box with us!” Keeley exclaimed. She tried to be subtle, but you didn’t miss the squeeze Rebecca gave Keeley’s arm at this comment, all while keeping a cool, collected face. You could almost feel the spike in your blood pressure.

“Shall I meet the team?” You asked, averting Rebecca’s eyes while desperately trying to appear as if you didn’t want to cry. 

“Yes! Of course!” Keeley exclaimed. She quickly turned and gave Rebecca a kiss on the cheek before heading towards the door, a slight bounce in her step. “I’ll be back for lunch, Becs!”

“Do let me know if you need anything!” Rebecca called to your receding back. In lieu of a proper response, you gave her a quick smile before closing the door behind you. 

The tension in your body seemed to go away, but you knew it was only temporary. 

Keeley gave you the grand tour of the building. Every bathroom, office, or cleaner’s closet, she knew where it was and she made sure to show you. It hadn’t occurred to you just how big the stadium was on the inside, and it made you all the more grateful for her guidance. 

The changing room was empty when she opened the door and let you venture in. Something about that was relieving to you. You walked along the benches, reading every name over each locker. When you got to Tartt’s name and number, you felt your heart drop into your abdomen. Something about reading his name on the wall and seeing the contents of his locker made this whole thing become suddenly real. And while you stood behind every word you’ve ever written about him, you felt incredibly anxious over how the next week (or two) would go. 

“Where is everyone?” You asked Keeley while trying to pull my eyes away from the placard. 

“Training,” She answered. “We’ll go out in a second.” You nodded, turning to find her beaming at you. Raising a hand, she pointed at one of the doors. “That’s the coach’s office.” You glanced at the closed door, seeing the desks through the window. “And that is the boot room.” You turned your head once more to find her other hand pointed at the room across the way. She took a step towards you, lowering her voice. “Careful going in there. It’s used for more than just dirty boots and washing the kits.” 

You raised an eyebrow at her.

“It’s a sanctuary, so to speak,” She elaborated. “Serious conversations. Therapy sessions. Maybe even a shag, who knows?” Your shock must’ve crossed your face, because she instantly laughed. “I would never, but you can’t be sure.” Her eyes narrowed slightly in thought. “Also Will the kit boy is always in here. It's practically his office.. Seems to hear everything, that one. So be careful of that as well.” Before you had any chance to give a response, she turned and began to move, prompting you to follow.

She led you to the tunnel, and you could feel the anxiety pouring out of you. As you made your way into the sunlight, you squinted as everything slowly came into focus.

If you thought the stadium itself was bigger in person, you weren’t prepared for the field itself. The green was so brilliant when it wasn’t on the other side of a television screen. The seats appeared as if they had just gotten a fresh coat of paint. As Keeley led you towards the coaches, you couldn’t stop yourself from looking around. In the distance, you could see the players running around the field as they practiced plays for the next game. When your eyes caught a flash of the number 9, you turned your gaze to Keeley’s shoes in front of you, wanting to crawl out of your skin.

“G’ morning, gentlemen!” She called as the two of you approached the coaches. A chorus of greetings rang out as Keeley approached the tallest man with black hair and mean eyebrows, who you could only assume was the famous Roy Kent, and gave him a sweet kiss. As soon as she pulled away, his eyes fell on you.

“Who’s this?”

She introduced you, and not unlike Rebecca, the second your name left her mouth, the three of them visibly tensed. It went as quickly as it came, although the tension within yourself was only starting to build. If Keeley had noticed the change in the air, she didn’t voice it.

“This is Roy Kent, Nate Shelley, and Coach Beard,” Keeley introduced. You went around to each of them to shake their hands while she continued on. “She’s here to do the piece on Jamie.” You were already taking a step away from them when all their eyes widened. 

“They- they’re having you do the profile?” Nate asked in a soft, unsure voice. Holding back a sigh, you nodded.

“Is this a fuckin’ joke?” Roy Kent asked, his eyes still on Keeley. Her face fell slightly at his reaction, and it was then that it occurred to you that these reactions were just as hurtful to her, who set the profile, as it was to you.

“Don’t be rude, babe,” She said, shaking her head. “This will be good for both of them.” Coach Beard cleared his throat.

“Only if she-” He nodded his head at you. “-can remain unbiased.” All four sets of eyes fell on you, and you could feel the blood rising in your cheeks. 

“I’m always unbiased,” You said, unable to hide the defensiveness this time. Beard scoffed. 

“Okay.”

Just barely shaking your head, you wanted to walk out right then and there. This whole thing already felt like you were walking around with your tail between your legs, but coming for your journalistic integrity was something you weren’t going to take lightly.

“I’m going to write the truth,” You said simply. “And the truth will be whatever Jamie gives me.” 

Despite what the reader’s would want, you thought to yourself, which would be the continuation of the war between the two of you.

As if on cue, Roy Kent turned towards the players in the field.

“WHISTLE!”

The yell made you jump, but everyone else seemed to be accustomed to it, the players immediately pausing the play and running over. A few confused looks were thrown in your direction, but you took the time to take your notepad out of your pocket to take some notes as the coaches addressed the team. 

Roy Kent yells “whistle” instead of using one. Beautiful weather for practice. Team really responds well to-

“‘Scuse me, Coach?” A familiar Mancunian accent called out. Your pencil froze instantly, but not before a line went across the paper in surprise.

“Yeah, Jamie,” Coach Beard said patiently. Out of your peripheral vision, you saw him point a finger at you.

“Who’s that?”

All eyes fell on you. Despite the warm, late spring heat, your blood ran cold. Keeley, who was now tucked into Roy’s side, cleared her throat before announcing your name. Your eyes fell on every players’ face, watching as their expressions changed from confusion to downright disdain. A few heads turned in the direction of Jamie, who’s jaw had tensed. 

“She’s here to do a piece on Jamie,” Keeley continued, and you had to give her credit for being completely unfazed by the change in mood. “She’ll be here for a week or two, and will be at both of the next matches.” 

Unsure of what else to do, you raised a hand in greeting, trying to muster up a smile. Surprisingly, there were a few muttered greetings, although the overall impression you had was not pleasant. 

“Is this a fuckin’ joke?” 

All eyes turned to Jamie, who had been quiet until this point. He wasn’t looking at you, just staring in disbelief at Keeley and the coaches. Roy raised and dropped his shoulders in response, having said the exact same thing just moments before. Keeley’s head fell slightly to the side.

“Come on, Jamie,” She said, pleadingly. “This’ll be good for you! It’s a chance to show everyone how much you’ve changed!” 

He wasn’t hearing her, however, as he shook his head before storming off back towards the changing room. When he disappeared down the tunnel, all eyes fell on you once more. Keeley broke from Roy to follow Jamie, but you stopped her.

“I should probably handle this,” You said to her quietly. She looked unsure, but still nodded. Taking a deep breath, you turned and made your way back towards the changing room. The coaches didn’t miss a beat as Roy Kent’s voice could be heard echoing throughout the field. 

“Get moving! Fifty laps, let’s go!”

Just before you passed the threshold of the tunnel, all of the team made their way past you, and not a single one went by without giving you either an intense glare or curious stare.

As you made your way into the changing room, you were greeted by something hitting against the wall loudly. Across the room from you was Jamie, and across from him was the laundry bin, which was now tipped onto its side and well away from the spot you had seen it in before. He was wearing a black sports shirt with dark blue sleeves and the word Bantr sported across his torso. His black Nike shorts went above mid thigh, and hugged his muscular thighs just perfectly. When he looked up to find you, he immediately turned away.

“I don’t want to fuckin’ talk to ya, just piss off,” He said, voice laced with venom. Despite his tone, you took a few steps forward.

“I didn’t want to do this either, you know,” You told him. “It’s all for publicity. You have to understand that.” He laughed.

“Wasn’t publicity when you wrote that bullshit about me,” He threw back. “‘If Jamie Tartt behaved in public the way he played on the field, a lot of journalists would be out of a job, including meself.’” There was something surreal about your words being used against you in this moment, but he kept going. “‘This stint on Love Conquers All just proves that some of us should stick to what we know, although for Jamie Tartt, that narrows down to football and being a twat, so maybe he was just trying to explore his options.’” Despite his anger, you had to bite the inside of your cheek.

“So you’re a fan.”

“Hilarious.”

“You have my work memorized,” You pointed out in a vain attempt to break the strain. “Sounds like fan behavior to me.” He shook his head, not amused.

“A proper comedian, you are.” You let out an exasperated sigh.

“I won’t apologize for what I wrote,” You said bluntly. “Just like I don’t expect you to apologize for anything. But I have to be here. And I’m not here to make you look bad. I’m just here to write what I see.” 

Though his jaw was still tense, he seemed to consider this as he stared at the ground. 

“Is that what you’ve always done?” He asked, his head still turned towards the floor with his eyes jumping towards you. “Wrote what you saw?” You nodded slowly. His gaze dropped to the floor again, his hand running through his long hair, which was falling on either side of his forehead. “So all you saw me as was a fuckin’ twat?” 

The easy answer was yes, but it didn’t feel so easy when you were being asked the question now. 

“It’s easy to see things in a person when you don't really know them,” You admitted quietly. “That’s probably why a lot of journalists aren’t very popular.” He nodded, seeming to agree with you. “But maybe you could take this as a chance to prove me wrong.” Suddenly, he raised his head so he was staring straight ahead, still not at you. “Everyone who I’ve met since getting here has shown in one way or another that they don’t approve of what I said. You’ve shown many people that there’s more to you than a cocky arsehole.” Confidently, you took a step forward, and you were pleased when he didn’t react to it. 

“So show me too.” This is what made him finally turn his head towards you. You nodded at him. “And I’ll show everyone else.” 

A nod from Jamie was all you got before he turned on his heel and walked back out to the pitch. Something in you felt relieved over this chat. Maybe this wasn’t going to be as hard as you thought it would.

For the rest of practice, you sat in the stands, taking notes, watching and listening. For the most part, it seemed that your presence had been forgotten, although there was the occasional glance from one of the players or coaches. Keeley had long gone back to work, leaving you in the trenches. 

Afternoon quickly fell into evening. When the players were released to go to the showers, you rose and began to collect your things. A slight whistle came from behind you, and when you turned, you were unexpectedly greeted by Coach Beard. Slowly rising to stand straight, you waited. He seemed to be struggling to find the words to say.

“I don’t have kids,” He started, causing your eyebrows to knit together. “But these players are my sons.” Your face relaxed again, understanding hitting you. He gestured towards the players who were still filling into the tunnel. “Those are my boys. When you come for one of my boys, you come for all of us.” You opened your mouth to speak, but he raised his hand to stop you. “I won’t fault you for what is in the past. I understand you have a job to do, and no one will stop you from doing it. But he’s not the same.” As he said it, he turned in time to see the number 9 disappear into the tunnel. “He’s not the guy you wrote about before.” He turned back to you, a tender smile on his face. “Give him a chance.” 

You weren’t sure if a response beyond a nod was needed, so that was all you gave. He nodded back, as if some unspoken agreement had been come to, and followed after the men. You threw your bag over your shoulder and made your way out. 

When you got to your car, the car park had largely emptied out. As you threw your bag into your passenger side door, you noticed the car a few spaces away from you was occupied. Jamie Tartt continued to sit in his idling vehicle, staring at the wheel. When you climbed into the driver’s side, you looked over to find that he was already returning your gaze.

You hesitantly lifted your hand and gave him a wave. He waved back with an over-enthused smile, before raising the middle finger at you and quickly pulling out of the spot, tires screeching behind him. 

Your hand dropped back to your lap in defeat.

This was going to be the longest week of your life.

And there was no way you were staying for two.

[sugarushwriting]

“don’t blame me, love made me crazy.”

“looks like an angel while sleeping.”

just a little jay drabble/oneshot. different than my usual writing.

not proof read.

trigger warnings:

obsession: the state of being obsessed with someone or something.

stalking: stalkers use a variety of tactics, including (but not limited to): unwanted contact including phone calls, texts, and contact via social media, unwanted gifts, showing up/approaching an individual or their family/friends, monitoring, surveillance, property damage, and threats.

voyeurism: voyeuristic behavior is when someone derives sexual gratification from secretly watching others undress or engage in sexual activities. voyeurs are also known as "peeping toms"

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ₊˚⊹♡

every where you were, jay was there too.

a coffee shop, main library on campus. any cafeteria or food center on campus. anywhere and almost everywhere.

it didn’t matter how many different options were available, you both always ended up at the same place at the same time.

yet you both only had 3 classes together on campus.

philosophy intro to logic, abnormal psychology and interpersonal communications.

“will you be okay?” you friend asked with extreme concern.

“yes, i will be okay, ryunjin.” you reassured.

she was worried because for your abnormal psychology class you were partnered with jay for project.

“maybe yall should study him, because he’s definitely abnormal.” ryunjin whispered.

you playfully swatted her arm. “jay told me to meet him on the fourth floor.”

“why the top floor? so no one can hear you scream?”

“it’s the quiet floor and that’s where he reserved a study room for us.” you said. “please stop being like that!” you huffed.

ryunjin rolled her eyes but went to the second floor where her other friends were as you rode up the elevator to the fourth floor.

you were the one to actually suggest the fourth floor and jay reserved a room for you both based on that suggestion.

getting off the elevator, you found the study room off to the corner with ease, seeing jay set out needed materials on the table.

when he saw you enter he smiled. “oh hey!”

you smiled and waved. “hey jay. ready to get this project knocked out?”

he laughed, “absolutely, but it should be fun. abnormal psychology is one of my favorite subjects.”

“mine too.” you smiled.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

almost an hour later, you both decided on the topic of how personality disorders impact intrapersonal relationships.

you had actually suggested the topic on obsessive sexual fascinations like fetishism, voyeruism, and exhibitionsim, however, jay wasn’t too sure that would even get approved by the professor.

“why not?” you had asked. “is it not a part of abnormal psychology and human behavior?”

“it is but—,”

“you’re not comfortable, it’s okay.” you teased.

ryunjin would probably say it’s because it would mean studying his pattern of behaviors and people don’t like when they get caught.

during the next hour you both jotted down some ideas and found a few psychology papers and articles you all could use.

“we would also need to make sure we find examples.” jay said. “like in movies, shows, plays, things like that.”

“sounds like an easy task! we could use the movies like scream, when a stranger calls, or even—,”

jay chuckled. “and how do these movies relate to our topic?”

“are you kidding,” you laughed with a chuckle, “those people were cray cray. they had to have some kind of personality disorder. sure i can find out with some research.”

“when’s the next time you’re available to work on the project?” jay asked as you both started packing your belongings.

“i am pretty open. i don’t do much but hang around friends or stick to myself.” you shrugged. “how about tomorrow?”

“that’s fine. but i think we’ll have to find a new spot, if i remember correctly the library study rooms are booked up.”

“that’s okay, since we need somewhere private, maybe mine or your apartments?” you suggested, putting your bag over your shoulder.

jay nodded. “either is fine.” he smiled.

“we can do my place! i have plenty of snacks.”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

“are you insane?” ryunjin scolded you. “that guy is is messed up in the head, you know he’s stalking you, yet you invite him to your place? what are you, crazy yourself?”

it was the next day, and you were telling ryunjin your plans with jay to work on the project at your place while you both stopped by a coffee shop earlier in the morning.

“he asked for my address.” you stated.

“of course he did! he can’t get caught.” ryunjin narrowed her eyes at you. you rolled yours, and walked out the coffee shop, her right behind you.

“you know i am just looking out for you, right?” ryunjin sighed. “i mean, you’ve told me how you been finding flowers at your doorstep, and jay would randomly pop up where you are, almost everywhere, you were.”

“i could be overreacting.”

ryunjin scoffed. “oh now you say you’re overreacting? babe, a stalker is a stalker.”

“i actually never said he was a stalker.” you defending, back tracking.

“you legit told me, ‘ryunjin, jay from my class is stalking me!’”

“i don’t recall.” you shrugged it off.

you did recall.

you remember telling ryunjin how flowers were showing up at your door step, the same flowers from a flower shop jay worked at over the summer.

you remember telling ryunjin how anytime you were at the mall, you saw jay there and he would be staring at you wide-eyed, then quickly walk away.

same at any coffee shop, cafeterias on campus and so forth.

you remember telling ryunjin how you always felt someone was watching you as you undressed.

later that evening you prepared a variety of snacks for jay, and spread out all materials that would be needed for the project.

he had texted you and stated he would be at your place by 7:00 pm.

it was 7:05 pm and you got worried, negative thoughts clouding your mind. was he hurt? did he forget? did he stand you up?

at 7:10 pm a knock came to your door, and you giddily got up from your spot on the floor in front of the coffee table and took big strides to open the door.

you opened seeing jay with a smile. “sorry i’m a bit late. uh, something popped up.”

“oh no, is everything okay?” you asked with concern.

jay seemed frazzled and out of sorts than how he usually presents himself or how you see him.

jay shook his head, “i’m good. just probably all in my head.”

“great, let’s get to work!”

you invited jay in your apartment, showing him were you set up the coffee table for working on the project.

“wow you really do have a lot of snacks!” he chuckled. he picked up a few, “and many are my favorite?” this came out more as a question and surprise, his eyebrows raising cutely.

“really? they’re my favorite too!” you giggled. “should we get started? i have a few personality disorders we can explore.”

“sure! what are some you have in mind?”

“well i was researching,” you began, and took a seat on the floor and jay did the same. “some personality disorders that can affect relationships and communication include antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorders, histrionic personality disorders and narcissistic personality disorders.” you listed with a smile. “but those are just cluster b that i think have the highest affects.”

“you seem to know a lot about personality disorders?” jay chuckled.

“i should, it’s an interest of mine. like i mentioned, abnormal psychology is one of my favorite subjects. i would love to work with populations most wouldn’t.”

“like who?” jay asked as you piped his interest.

“serial killers, stalkers, criminals, people like them.”

jay nearly choked on his own spit. “why is that?”

you smirked and your hand landed on his shoulder. he looked at your hand nervously, “i just think most are misunderstood.” you smiled widely. “i also just believe the way they think is so interesting and unbelievable.”

jay watched you talk about your passion with not only interest but something more. maybe he was looking at you strangely? looking at you with concern?

“well, this project should be breeze then.” he laughed nervously. he was more than ready to leave.

as you all continued to work on the project at a good pace, you and jay couldn’t help but still glances at one another.

two and half hours later, jay stood with a stretch, “it’s getting late, i should go.” he stated. “thank you for the snacks.”

he started packing up his things, as you began cleaning up a little. once his backpack strap was over his shoulder, he looked into your kitchen seeing a vase of flowers, a tag that clearly showed it was from the flower shop he worked at over the summer.

jay got nervous and fearful. he quickly adverted his gaze before you caught him looking. but unknown to him, you saw him out of the corner of your eye looking at the flowers, but you decided to keep quiet about it.

“so, i’ll see you tomorrow?” you asked hopeful.

jay’s voice shook with nerves, “um, i’ll text you. i forgot i have something planned with my friends tomorrow.” he smiled politely, but quickly bid goodbye and left your apartment.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

jay laid in bed after showering wide awake for a while. his nerves had gotten the better of him.

you had showered and put on some comfy clothes to enjoy your favorite show after jay left.

jay soon fell asleep, and one thing about jay was he was a heavy sleeper. almost nothing could wake him up so easily. his friends would tease him about it, but it was just who he was.

you weren’t a heavy sleeper on the other hand. which is why to every small noise you would awake, or had almost a third sense of being over cautionary fearful someone was always watching.

the flowers in the trash looked at you almost mockingly, and you closed your fist so tight, your nails were sure to dig into your knuckles.

such an angel while sleeping. so peaceful.

yes jay was. you smiled lovingly looking down at him as you watched him from his doorway as he slept soundly. you stepped quietly closer to him to get as close as possible, when you took out your polaroid camera.

after watching your favorite show which starred jay, him getting undressed and redressed, you were hot and bothered and couldn’t wait until you could finally make your move.

but it would take time. he wouldn’t understand you, or your habits, or how your brain worked.

you could see he was judging you earlier about the way you spoke about your passion.

but he would come around. he had to.

you knew he got stumbled by the flowers in your apartment. if he questioned, you would’ve just waved it off as a coincidence you got it for yourself, or maybe tell him you had a secret admirer to see if he would get jealous.

would he? you had a feeling he would be the jealous and possessive type of what belongs to him.

you sure were. possessive, jealous, of any girl that he talked to. he didn’t know better, but those women should! you thought, they couldn’t compare to you anyway.

when it came to your tactics, you had to be careful. you didn’t want to scare him off too soon. so this project was a great way to wiggle yourself into his bubble.

you fantasized so much about your future with jay. it blurred the line between fact and fictitious, and you were so deep into the obsession, you didn’t understand or even see the line anymore.

you didn’t want to blackmail him—not yet. the flowers were enough for now.

your love for jay made you crazy.

no one could blame you. that’s just how love was, right?

“don’t blame me.” you whispered to jay as you ran your fingers lightly through his hair with a smile.

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ₊˚⊹♡

[morganbritton132]

Ik you said some of Eddie’s “fans” don’t like Steve but do you think any of Eddie’s fan would go out of their way to harass Steve purposely? Either out in public, through his Facebook, or even like physical mail? Like how would Eddie even react to that especially after the doctor’s office video debacle?

I absolutely think that some people would go out of their way to harass Steve.

Eddie uses his socials to showcase his life so you get a very real and authentic view of who he is, and sometimes you get even more than he intended to show because he never remembers to end his live streams. I think it’s inevitable that some fans are going to feel like they know him personally, but it becomes a problem when they think they know what’s best for Eddie.

People loved Steve when Eddie was posting funny videos about his clumsy husband. They loved him more when Eddie got serious and spoke about Steve’s health issues. It was only once Steve stopped being perfect that they started speaking up.

And though, it is few. They speak loudly.

Steve’s not on any social media other than Facebook, but his Facebook page is private. He doesn’t accept friend requests from people he doesn’t know, and he doesn’t use Facebook Messenger because he refuses to download the app.

What Steve does get on Facebook is a lot of people tagging him in posts about how much they hate him or how awful he is. He gets a lot of ads on his timeline with TMZ articles about how Eddie should end his marriage, and he gets people commenting under them knowing that Steve sees them.

And it’s upsetting, but the letters are worse.

The first one is mailed to his school. It wouldn’t be that hard to figure out where Steve taught. Some of his students are in Eddie’s comments and some post videos of themselves wearing their school colors.

Steve shreds the first letter.

He doesn’t know what to do with it and he doesn’t know what to say when Eddie asks him later that day how school was. He swallows hard and says, “It was fine. Nothing interesting happened.”

And Eddie smiles, and lie doesn’t feel so bad.

The second letter is mailed to their house.

It’s sitting on top of a stack of bills with his name printed neatly on top when he gets home from work. Eddie mentions that he got something from a former student, and Steve smiles even as he reads the first of many hateful paragraphs, and he says, “Thank you.”

This letter stays neatly folded in his nightstand with the third letter, and the fourth that details how they want Steve to have a seizure and die. He never says anything. He doesn’t even know how to begin to have that conversation, and he doesn’t want to.

He doesn’t want Eddie to be upset, so – so why is Steve so upset when he comes back inside after taking their trash to the curb and sees Eddie holding them. Why is he angry? Why is his ears ringing when Eddie asks how long this has been going on, and Steve just snaps, “Why are you going through my things? Who – who gave you the right?”

“I was checking to see if you needed a refill on your migraine medication before I go out of town,” Eddie snapped back, yanking the letters away when Steve reached for them, “What the fuck, Steve? How long has this been going on for?”

“Eddie, stop-“

“Were you planning on telling me that someone is sending you death threats?”

“No.”

Eddie stops long enough for Steve to snatch the letters back and rip them to shreds like he should have done in the first place. Steve’s angry with himself for getting caught and for the sad kicked puppy look on Eddie’s face, and if he wasn’t so – Why is he crying? He’s not even upset so why is he crying? Why can’t – “What did I do wrong? I don’t understand why people don’t like me."

“Stevie,” Eddie says, voice weak the way it is when he’s trying not to cry and this is Steve’s fault too. He didn’t want to upset Eddie and now he’s going to cry. “Baby, you didn’t do anything wrong. You’re perfect, Stevie. You’re perfect for me and if some – some fucking asshole with stamps can’t see that then that’s on them. Not you.”

“You don’t – no one deserves this shit, okay?” Eddie tells him, practically begs him to understand that. “This is serious, Steve. They have our address and they’re making threats. You can’t hide something like this. You have to understand that.”

“I didn’t want to upset you.”

“I’m upset, babe. I’m upset that my so-called fans are treating you like this and that you’ve looked so miserably lately, and you felt like you couldn’t tell me why. You are more important to me than any of this, and if I have to stop doing shows or posting online than-“

“No,” Steve snaps at him, rubbing at his eyes. “I don’t want you to stop, Eddie. I don’t want this to be another thing you can’t do because of me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know, Ed. I don’t know, but you stopped touring because of me. You can’t kiss your husband at the top of a rollercoaster like you want to because my head’s too fucked up. You can’t even sleep half the time because you can’t trust me to not leave. You can’t have flashing lights at your shows, or watch fun movies, or –“

“Steve, I don’t give a fuck about those things. Do you think I’m unhappy?”

“The whole world thinks you’re unhappy, Eddie!”

“I don’t care about the world, Steve. I care about you.”

There comes a point where the conversation fizzles out and the anger leaves, but the sadness remains. Steve goes to bed because there’s nothing else to do, and Eddie goes to his studio.

He sets up his phone and he records a short Tiktok saying, “The meet-and-greet in Indianapolis this Friday is canceled and I won’t be attending the Corroded Coffin concert this weekend or any following weekend indefinitely. You can thank the fucker sending death threats to my family.”

[thatmaddogley]

Disclaimer- I DO NOT OWN DESCENDENTS

Warnings:

-Mentions of SA and abuse

-Swearing

PART 1/?

“I love you because I don’t know how to not love you, and I can not imagine a world where we are enemies, fighting for our lives, because of our fucked up history.”

Plot

—------------------------------

Red looked down, playing with her fingers nervously.

“I don’t know what love feels like.”

Chloe grabbed Red’s chin and made her look at her. She slowly placed her hand in between Red’s hand, and squeezed ever so lightly.

“Maybe I can teach you.”

Or

Chloe teaches Red what love is very slowly, at her pace. Lots of GlassHeart/Red Charming

—--------------------------------

"I don't know what love feels like."

Red was sitting in her dorm who she shared with her roommate and friend Chloe. She was reading an article about news and Wonderland. It was like a whole new world. Everything was the opposite to the wonderland she had known. The book was called, “Wonders Of Wonderland.”

—-----------------------------------------------------

Wonders Of Wonderland

-By Daisy Peerez

Wonderland, when you think of that name, you just think, well, Wonderful! The Queen of Hearts, Aka Bridget Hearts has insisted that we use her real name in documentaries. The lands of Wonderland are just amazing! Cherry Blossom tree’s line the castle and around the Castle Of Hearts, the villagers are as friendly and as family as you can get, as well as the Queen and her Daughter, Princess Red of Hearts, and Heir to the Throne.

People have been concerned about the Princess’ new attitude change recently that started at the student orientation at Auradon. It started when Principal Uma, daughter of the sea witch Ursula, gave her speech. She sneaked away with Princess Chloe Charming, daughter of King Charming and Queen Cinderella. They came back when Queen Bridget accidentally interrupted Principal Uma, and the Princess yelled, “Mom what are you doing?” which the Queen replied, “Just playing my favorite game, Hearts.” Immediately after that, the Queen put beautiful bubble hearts in the sky. But ever since that encounter, Princess Red has never been the same.

She’s very distant, especially from her mother. She used to be very huggable, and cheerful. You’d be able to hug her from behind and she wouldn’t mind. Now if someone were to hug her, she’d flinch, and push you away. All except for her best friend ever since she was born, Chloe Charming. People are speculating and making theories as to why she is like this. The top theory I have seen is that she got assaulted, or sexually assaulted. But that is unlikely because she doesn’t leave the comfort of her palace, and her mother.

There’s another theory for why she only allows Princess Chloe to be around her. People have suggested that they are dating-

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dating? Why did people think that? Of course they were close, and that Chloe is the only person who's allowed to touch her and that she might find Chloe’s hand very comforting, and that her hair is so fluffy and so nice to touch and- okay, there were many reasons they could suspect that. But Red wasn’t gay. At least- she thought she wasn’t gay.

She didn’t really understand how things worked because her old mom always said “Love ain’t it,” and “Love makes you weak.” She literally banned and burned any love related book and almost banned people from dating, but then realized she wouldn’t have any subjects if she did that. But it was banned to show love outside your home, or talk about it.

Just then, Chloe walked in smiling and humming, but as soon as she locked eyes with Red, she stopped. “Red?” she asked, concern flickering in her eyes

Red looked up quickly, dropping the article and standing up. “I’m fine.” She said, though her voice wavered slightly

Chloe looked really spectacle and tilted her head. “Uh- okay! So whatcha reading?” Chloe bent down reaching for the article, but Red snatched it away from her. “Hey!”

“No, you can’t read it.” Red insisted, clutching the paper tightly

“Why not?” Chloe asked, her curiosity piqued

“Cause I said so.” Red replied, her tone firm

Chloe huffs and tries to snatch it, the same way when they were fighting for the pocket watch.

“I don’t know about you,” Red said, a hint of a smile playing on her lips, “but I’m getting deja vu.”

Chloe nods. “And you do know I was the one who won that right? I can do it again.”

Red smirks. “Oh yeah Princess? Come and get it then!” Red darted towards the bathrooms, article in hand, attempting to lock herself in there, but Chloe is just as fast, snatching Red’s hoodie and making both of them fall backwards.

Red froze. It wasn’t because she was in pain, oh no, she handled worse. But it was the position they were in. When they landed, Chloe fell on her back, with Red’s back on top of her, but Chloe flipped them, to where Chloe was at top, and Red was on bottom…Not where she’d like to be.

Chloe immediately blushed out of embarrassment, and got off Red immediately. Red was too shocked to know what was even going on.

Chloe nervously reached a hand out towards Red to pull her up. Red accepted it gratefully and sat on her bed. Chloe immediately backed away.

“I’m so sorry I- I forgot about your boundaries and-”

Chloe feels a warm hand touch her palm and she shuts up immediately.

“Chloe, it's fine. I was just a bit taken aback, that's all. You’re literally the only person who can even walk next to me.” That makes Chloe chuckle.

Chloe then walks over to Red’s bed, silently asking if she can sit, and Red nods.

They sit in comfortable silence until Chloe breaks it. “So…why are you so distant anyways? I mean, I know you have lots of trauma from your old mom but…what led up to it?” Chloe saw Red’s face change into a frown, so she immediately went back. “I mean- if you want to answer that is- I know it's hard to talk about, so I won’t push you.”

Red looks away for a few moments, sighing. Thinking if she should tell her only friend of her broken parts. The ones that can never be fixed or healed. One of those broken things, being her heart. She was sure nothing in this world could get her to re-open her heart again. Not after that night that changed Red forever… But Chloe was different. She doesn’t know why, but she is. And she always will be. Red can’t describe it but there is like a magical string connecting them together. They were meant to find each other, meant to connect with each other. So Red does something she hasn’t done since she was six. Listen to her heart.

“I’ll tell you.’’

Endnotes

—-----------------------------------------------

Sorry I left you on a cliffhanger…but I will be updating it more. I’m gonna try and have a schedule for postinging but who knows. I have a busy schedule. Also, fun fact, the name I used for the publisher is actually my best friend’s first name. But I used another last name for obvious reasons. But whenever you see OC names, they could be my friends. I don’t know how many parts this will be so yeah haha. Leave suggestions for others! Stay positive, love yall <33

August 6th, 2024

Written by: Thatmaddogly

[starlazergazer]

No Where Else to Go

Pairing: Anakin x Reader

Summary: You and Anakin never got along super well, most interactions ending up in some sort of fight about the smallest things. Though when your first solo mission goes wrong you take it hard, thoughts spiraling into dangerous territory you end up on the doorstep of the only man you could think to go to looking for someone to lean on: Anakin Skywalker

Warnings: Hella angst and some swearing

Word count: 4.5k

A/N: Just wrote it on a whim cause I thought it could be cute let me know what you think and feel free to send me any requests you guys have!

You shut down the screen before you, head falling forward into your hands as you rubbed at your aching eyes. You were exhausted, your body was exhausted, your mind was exhausted, your eyes were exhausted, you were more than ready to leave the library and go crash in your room. Despite everything, however, a note of pride still rang through you at having finished.

You did it this time, you genuinely put in the work like your master was always nagging you about, you spent more hours in the library researching the planet your next mission was on than you had ever before, reading every article, text, map, etc. available to you until your eyes were ready to roll out of their sockets.

And maybe your master had a point because more than anything you felt prepared, like you could do this, your first solo mission and already you felt set for success.

As you stood your hand went out to the table where you had placed your lightsaber, not liking the way it dragged down your belt while you sat, but found nothing but empty table.

You scrunched your brows in confusion, ducking down to check the floor because you were sure that was where you had put it, that was where you always put it, right within reach.

The panic was starting to set in as the floor seemed empty too, your master was going to kill you if you showed up without a lightsaber again. Dropping to your knees quickly, your hands reached out blindly, desperately hoping they somehow hit the saber your eyes couldn’t see.

Anakin watched you crawl on the floor beneath your table with a small smirk, hiding behind a nearby shelf. His eyes cutting to the top shelf where your saber was precariously balanced just out of your reach.

He told himself that it was for your own good, that you needed to learn to keep better track of your saber, to take better note of your surroundings.

You’d been in the library since this morning, Anakin had taken the saber an hour after you arrived, and it was now well into the night and you were just now noticing it was gone.

And though a part of him said he should just give it back, another part relished at the idea of little miss perfect showing up to the next council meeting without her lightsaber.

You’d no doubt get a slap on the wrist, the masters may trip over each other as they tried to drown you with replacements.

If he’d shown up without it? Well that’d be a completely different story. Just further proof the Skywalker boy wasn’t to be trusted.

He ducked further behind the shelf as you came up to your feet, eyes desperately scanning the library, and though he registered the look of sheer panic on your face at missing it a large part of him didn’t care. You sailed through Jedi training like it was nothing, you could handle the minor inconvenience of losing your lightsaber for a bit.

With a small huff he turned and made his way towards the library door, only at the last second reaching out with the force just enough to tip your saber off the shelf, sending it clattering to the floor.

Maybe it wasn’t such a large part of him afterall.

-

You looked proudly on at the holodisplay before you, an up to date projection of the facilities layout displayed on it. Cobbled together from three different sources found in the library with a single line running through it to display your path.

You let the projection do the talking for you at first, letting the jedi around it survey the area for a bit before laying out your plan, a plan days in the making, a plan so foolproof your first solo mission had no choice but to go off without a hitch. At least until Anakin Skywalker got his hands on it.

“So you can see here there’s a series of old tunnels running beneath the building” you’d barely begun before Anakin started talking, not even acknowledging that you had been speaking as he cut you off.

“What’s this over here?”

You fought down your anger as you followed his gesture, you were not going to blow up in front of the jedi council not even if Anakin deserved it “Guarded door into the facility overlooking a 100 foot cliff” you answered quickly, refusing to give into his musings more than you had to.

“But as you can see over here” you were already trying to pivot, hand extended to point towards your point of entry before Anakin was speaking again.

“Why don’t you enter here it’s a straight path to the cells where he would be held” He asked the question as if this were the obvious solution, as if you hadn’t spent hours pouring over the building��s layout and he mere minutes.

“Because that would involve free climbing a 100 foot cliff right beneath guard’s noses” you answered simply, trying to keep as much venom from your voice as possible.

“If you don’t think you can handle it my men and I-“

This time you weren’t afraid to cut him off, to snap back. How dare he come and try and take over your mission in front of the council like this. How dare he imply you were incapable of free climbing when it was easily the dumbest way to sneak in. How dare he try and steam roll his way over your days of preparations with a plan he devised in two minutes flat

“Why risk a free climb like that when the tunnel system runs right to the cells as well. Do you just enjoy putting your men at risk padawan Skywalker” you put as much emphasis on the “padawan” as possible, enjoying the glare he sent your way from across the projection.

“This door is a straight shot you could be in and out in a matter of minutes” he shot back, leaning forward with both hands resting on the edges of the display “not having to deal with the mess that is tunnel system navigation”

If you didn’t know any better you’d say he was enjoying this. You mirrored his position, “Why risk the lives of more men when you could take a few extra minutes to take a more stealthy approach” you shot back with a raised brow.

You barely registered the hand at your back, having almost forgotten about the rest of the people in the room as you fought with Anakin. Your body, however, acted on instinct, posture snapping back to an upright position, your hands coming to clasp behind your back just as you had been taught, your eyes snaking briefly up to your master’s as he gave you an approving nod at your correction.

You were going to pay for that outburst later.

“This is padawan L/N’s mission” Master Windu’s voice broke your gaze from your master, your eyes snapping to him as you hid your victorious grin behind a mask “If she wants to take a more strategic stealth approach than so be it”

You just couldn’t help yourself, your eyes snapped back to Anakin’s to see him already looking at you, eyes roaming up and down as if to measure you up and you felt a certain victory in that. That’s right Skywalker you just lost.

“Of the plan we approve” Master Yoda spoke up drawing your attention back to the masters “Leave tomorrow you shall”

As trained to do you bowed at his words, making sure to make eye contact as you came back up, keeping a serious expression “thank you masters”

You followed the sound of fluttering robes out the council chambers, ignoring the feeling of Anakin’s gaze on you as you left, fixing your own on the back of your master’s head as you followed him out of the door

-

The ship was quiet, much too quiet.

The ride there had been joyous, rowdy, excited, bouts of congratulations and good lucks as you were about to lead them on your first solo mission, but now?

You looked around the ship, troopers silently sitting with heads in hands, staring off into the distance, looking down at seats unoccupied, seats that shouldn’t be unoccupied.

The ship landed without a hitch and the troopers wordlessly filled out, most avoiding eye contact as they passed, you never leaving your seat.

“Hey” the sound of your clone commander’s voice caught you off guard, making you jump slightly as your head snapped up to meet Alex’s gaze from above you “it’s not your fault kid”

Your gaze dropped immediately, as you refused to even acknowledge the words, refused to let them enter your mind, refused to accept the lie.

“Look” you heard Alex sigh and despite everything a part of you wanted to scream, wanted to order him to just leave, wanted to be left alone “get some sleep, we’ll talk about it in the morning”

But Alex had had a hard night too, they were his friends you had lost, the last thing he needed was you yelling at him “yeah alright”

But still you didn’t move, didn’t look up till you felt his hand clasp on your shoulder, giving you a nod towards the exit, showing you he wasn’t leaving without you.

And again you wanted to argue but it was late, you were tired, maybe he was right.

Slowly you pushed yourself to your feet and walked off the ship, breaking towards your room quickly without a word, ready to put as much distance between you and any reminder of tonight as possible.

But as soon as you got to your door you paused, finding yourself unable to go in, unable to just give up and forget. Men had died tonight under your command, didn’t they deserve better than to just be forgotten like that?

You turned slowly and started aimlessly off down the hall, no destination in mind though your brain was too occupied to have directed you towards one anyway.

Every mistake you had made played over in your mind, every negative comment handed down from your master echoed in it, you were smarter than this, you should’ve been smarter than this.

You didn’t even know their names.

That’s what really hit you. You’d been working to remember them all but there were so many and you had been too caught up in your plan they never stuck. Men had followed you into the unknown, obeyed your every command and died in its service, and you couldn’t even think of their names.

It was like every negative thought you had ever thought about yourself was coming true in one night, you weren’t a good jedi, you couldn’t be trusted on your own, you really can’t think for yourself.

And before you knew it there was a painful lump in the middle of your throat, inching its way up. There was a slight water to your eyes, your nose threatened to drip.

All at once the world seemed to be crashing down around you and there was nothing you could do to try and balance it.

You could feel your breathing change as you tried to swallow the lump, tried to push down your emotions.

Your first instinct was to meditate, that seemed to be the jedi catch all answer to emotions, but hours spent alone with your thoughts right now did not sound like a good idea.

A part of you recognized that what you needed to do was talk to someone, get every thought off your chest and out into the open, someone to tell you how to fix it.

Your master was out of the question immediately, knowing he would be nothing more than another voice confirming every worst thought you had about yourself, confirming your every mistake, making sure to punish you for each.

But if not your master than who? You didn’t have anyone else having spent your entire time as a jedi training to be the best you could possibly be. And look where that got you, a screw up jedi with no friends.

You could feel the thoughts start to spiral again and it made you want to scream at how helpless you felt, a slave to your own emotions.

And then you were at his door before you could even justify your own thought process to yourself, a hand raised to knock before you could stop it, ready to take back the knock the second after  you did it.

No noise came from the other side of the door and a part of you thought about just walking away, pretending you had never knocked in the first place, let Anakin think he had been pranked.

Then the door slid open.

Before you stood a shirtless Anakin Skywalker, hair tossed in a million different directions, eyes squinted as they fought against the dim light in the hallway. “Y/N?”

His voice was thick and sluggish, eyebrows drawn together in confusion as he looked down at you, using the heel of his palm to rub at his eyes, to rid them of sleep or to check that it was really you standing before him you weren’t sure which.

“I-uh” you stuttered at first, instantly feeling the regret at having woke him “I’m sorry I didn’t-I” you couldn’t get the full sentence out, your mind still swirling, your eyes glued to his face refusing to look any further to his exposed torso.

“Y/N what’s going on?”

And maybe it was because it was the first time he had spoke to you without a hint of malice but you froze at the question. Every thought immediately leaving your brain as you looked up at him. The lump in your throat practically at the back of your mouth as you fought to keep any tears at bay. “I didn’t know where else to go”

And you know you looked pathetic, coming to his door in the middle of the night, eyes full of tears that had yet to spill, admitting to him you had no one to go to in a voice smaller and more fragile than you had ever heard it before, and a part of you mentally prepared for mocking.

Instead his expression practically melted off his face, eyebrows now scrunched together in concern as his eyes darted up and down the hallway as if to see what had brought you to him.

And yet still he placed a soft hand on your shoulder and stepped aside, offering no more than a soft “come in”

-

You should have known what to expect from Anakin’s room, that it would be identical to yours, afterall its hard to have any clutter when the only possessions you were allowed was the clothes on your back and a lightsaber. Still to see the mirror image of your own room caught you off guard.

“Give me one second” he said softly as he slipped around you into another room.

And though a part of you felt awkward being alone in the room for the first time a bigger part of you was tired. Tired of standing, tired of thinking, tired of everything. So you slowly made your way to the nearest wall and slid down it, your head going to your knees as you leaned back against it.

Anakin to his credit said nothing about where you chose to sit when he returned, fully clothed this time, with a glass of water in hand.

Wordlessly he held it out to you, giving you a small nod as you thanked him before sitting down against the wall next to you, letting the silence hang in the air for a moment, probably curious to see if you wanted to be the first to break it.

“You had a mission tonight right?” he asked almost hesitantly “your first solo”

You sighed deeply, pulling your knees tighter into your chest as you leaned your head back against the wall, knowing you came here to have this conversation but still somewhat hoping to avoid it “yeah”

“I’m guessing it went well then”

And despite everything you heard yourself chuckle at that. “you could say that”

And again silence fell, Anakin not wanting to push the subject too far, you not wanting to be the first to broach it.

“Your plan was good though” He spoke up again surprising you “go in through the tunnels, I liked that”

“No you didn’t?” A laugh bubbled in your chest as you countered with a raised brow “you fought hard for the free climb in meeting with the council”

“I just wanted to know that you had considered other options” he shrugged nonchalantly as if it were obvious, peeking through the corner of his eyes to catch your confused expression “You tend to get fixated on a solution you know? Even if it is a good plan you get so fixated on making it perfect sometimes you never consider anything else which can be limiting”

At some point in his rambles you had turned your head more fully to look at him, eyebrows drawn in confusion as he started to speak faster and faster, words all but spilling out of him almost awkwardly, the most un-Anakin like thing you had ever seen him do.

“How do you-“

He cut off your question with a shrug, for the first time turning his head to meet your gaze, speaking lowly and softly “I pay attention”

You felt yourself grow almost embarrassed under his gaze, watching as his eyes skimmed briefly over your features, a weird level of intimacy you had never received from him before.

“Well for the record it worked” you tried to break the tension, breaking eye contact to look back out at the room “that door ended up being our exit strategy when things went bad”

“See, should listen to me more often” he joked with a smug smile, turning his gaze to match yours, feeling his shoulder softly brush against yours as he resituated.

A chuckle more resembling a few quick breaths escaped you as the corners of your mouth tipped up as you felt yourself relax a little further, leaning further back against the wall. “If it was all to help me then why were you like that in the meeting?” you asked him, voice growing quiet once again, looking at him through the side of your eyes.

At this Anakin let out a sigh, a hand coming up to run anxiously through his hair. “I do that a lot don’t I?”

“I just don’t get it” you shook your head in response “did I do something?”

“No” Anakin was quick to assure you in an almost sad voice “No you didn’t do anything, least not intentionally”

You let the silence after his answer hang in the air, waiting for him to continue, giving him a second to collect his thoughts.

“You know the jedi council didn’t want to train me when I first came to the temple?” Everyone of course knew this but it was a rhetorical question anyways, he wasn’t expecting an answer “Qui-gon had to argue with them, promise to take me in himself before they allowed it.” He paused for a second, you could hear a shaky breath being drawn before he continued “since then it’s felt like I have this intense amount of pressure on me to live up to being the chosen one, to bring balance to the force, and yet the jedi council, the very people I’m supposed to look up to, never seemed to trust that I could do it, no matter what I did. Then I met you” a humorless chuckle escaped him at those last words with a small shake of his head “and it was like you were everything I wanted to be effortlessly”

Your eyebrows were drawn together again at his words, unable to fathom how anyone could think anything you did was effortless, anything you did was good.

“You had the praise of every teacher, the jedi council practically eating out of your hand so excited to see where you would go” he trailed off, eyes scanning the room rapidly as if physically looking for his next words “I was jealous”

And at his words you couldn’t help but let your own humorless chuckle escape, Anakin’s head snapping in your direction at the sound, eyes slightly narrowed trying to see if you were making fun of him or not.

“You know what realization I came to tonight” you asked him, refusing to make eye contact as you spoke almost bitterly “I realized that you are my closest friend. Ever since I met you we have done nothing but fight with one another when forced to interact and yet when I needed someone to be there for me tonight you were the only name I could think of”

Anakin didn’t comment, leaning softly into your side instead as if to say that despite everything he was there for you, you gave him a playful small bump with your own arm in response before continuing.

“I’ve spent every second of my life here doing everything I could to be a good jedi. Training, studying, meditating, I’ve completely isolated myself and for what? A half dead clone army under my command?” You shook your head with a sigh, your head lightly bumping against the wall as you leaned back against it “In my head I was always jealous of you. You were the chosen one, you had the councils undivided attention, and everyone knew you were going to go on to do big things regardless of how hard you tried. It felt like I was playing catchup to what you came by naturally”

“Believe me it’s not their attention you want when they’re all convinced you’re going to turn to the dark side at any minute” he responded sadly making you shake your head slowly.

“It’s not just that” you sighed with a small chuckle “You’re respected almost universally ya know? It’s not just that the whole room pauses when you walk in its that the meeting doesn’t even start until you do. You pitch an idea and the whole room quiets to listen. You say you’re just going to wing it instead of coming up with a plan and there isn’t a single objection. Whether or not anyone thinks you could turn to the dark side one day I can tell you right now you’ve earned the Jedi order’s respect”

He was silent for a moment, turning your words over in his head, before speaking “Looks like someone else pays attention” and you could hear the smile in his voice.

Your own grew on your face as you felt your cheeks heat slightly, rolling your eyes dramatically though you knew he wasn’t looking to see it “I can at least say this, despite your best efforts you have my respect”

“You know” you could hear the smile in his voice again, a small chuckle rumbling in his chest as he spoke “I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me”

Without even thinking you swung your arm around to hit him in the bicep, no where near hard enough to hurt though he still jumped back with a laugh “shut up and take the compliment Skywalker.”

He rubbed his arm dramatically as his laughter started to die down, the dark room once again falling into silence though this one was significantly more comfortable than before.

“Whole point of what I’m trying to say though is that I think you’re an amazing Jedi” he continued softly, leaning back again with the side of his arm completely flush with your own “and eventhough I don’t know what happened with your mission tonight I know it wasn’t your fault”

You felt the lump grow in your throat again at the reminder, a soft shake of your head all you could do to try and keep it under control “but how could you know that?”

“I saw your plan” he shrugged casually “it was rock solid, but mostly because I know you. I know you spent 10 hours yesterday in the library researching. I know that even if you can get fixated on your own plan you’re good at thinking on your feet when things go wrong. And I know if anyone’s life around you is in danger you’re fighting like hell to protect him”

And despite everything that you had running through your head tonight you found yourself nodding along. Because even though a part of you was still sure there was more you could’ve done realistically you knew you had done all you could under the circumstances. That sometimes things happen that are out of your control, but you still managed to keep most of them alive, that had to count for something. “Thanks Anakin. I think I really needed to hear that”

“I meant every word” he assured you with a soft smile and a small affectionate nudge “And for the record f I were ever captured and held hostage I would say I want you to come rescue me but I’m worried Obi-wan would get jealous”

And at that you laughed loudly, letting your head fall back naturally, feeling lighter than you had all night “Nah I understand, we got to make sure he still feels important in his old age”

He chuckled back with a nod “exactly you get it”

Slowly you released your knees from your chest, letting them lengthen out in front of you no longer feeling the need to ball up and make yourself small, giving Anakin’s room one final look before swearing softly under your breath “shit it’s super late isn’t it I’m sorry for keeping you up”

Anakin quickly shook his head and waved you off with a small smile “no don’t worry about it, I’m glad we could talk. Do you want to stay here? You could have the bed and I could sleep out here”

You smiled but returned with a similar shake of your head, pushing yourself off the ground up to your feet “no that’s okay I’ll go back to my own room”

Anakin stood up and followed you to the door, pausing within the doorway as you exited out into the hallway “Well if you ever need to talk or anything, or just want to hang out…” he let the end of his sentence hang in the air, not quite sure how to finish it though that was hardly important, you were already nodding appreciatively.

“Same goes for you, talk or need to hide from the council let me know”

He chuckled back, leaning casually against the door frame as you started off down the hallway calling out after you before you got too far “goodnight Y/N”

You spun around to face him as you continued to walk, giving him a small wave “goodnight Ani”

[goshen-applecrumbledore]

hello!! i love your works so much. you manage to be so intimately detailed within a single sentence. it’s really incredible how you are able to craft so much with so few words. anyway, i have a couple questions for you:

what got you started writing? how long have you been writing?

i noticed in particular your openings are always visceral and full of character. how do you usually approach your openings when you’re working on a draft?

and finally, which work of yours is your favorite?

that's so so kind, thank you, I don't know what to say, haha. I love to pack a sentence. below is an article on Big Sentences from the magazine I worked at in my 20s that was hugely influential to me.

writing talk and some examples below, using a cut because it's a long (ironic!)

how long I've been writing: I know this is an annoying answer but I've been writing all my life. little kid-stories about spunky redheaded heroines going on adventures in grade school, followed immediately by naruto slash fic, which I've obviously never looked back from. I don't know what actually made me start writing, but I've always loved to read, so writing follows, I think. I also draw, with varying success. for a lot of years I only drew and didn't write much at all, but somewhere in my mid-20s my focus flipped to writing and hasn't gone back.

openings: I looooove writing opening sentences and opening scenes in general. I think this is so important to set the tone and immediately get people to know your characters. even in fic, where they DO know your characters, they don't know YOUR take on them yet.

I think about how I can set the scene as quickly and impactfully as possible, which for me means getting immediately into some kind of happening-right-now action. someone's gotta be doing something. don't start with exposition, trust your reader to understand what's going on very shortly, and trust yourself to make any unknowns clear through what happens in the next couple paragraphs, instead of verbose explaining. primo verbs. get AFTER it.

as an example, some favourite opening paragraphs of mine:

Dean walked into Trish Maynard’s bedroom on the top floor of her parents’ home in an affluent suburb of St. Paul, Minnesota, and said, “Smells like Juicy Fruit and virginity in here.”

I like this one because it's got dialogue, it sets the scene and I, selfishly, think it's funny. I mentioned "parents' home" to immediately establish that this person is a kid, same with "affluent." just quick words that IMPLY a ton.

Sam spent ten minutes standing in his room trying to decide whether it would be worse to take his clothes off when he got there or to show up already naked. In the end, he went with a robe, nothing underneath. There was something pious and ceremonious about a robe, and it took it that one extra step away from a normal encounter. Barefoot, even though the dungeon floor was cold.

I like this one because it's not clear why he's doing what he's doing, which (I hope) stokes curiosity instead of being confusing. assuming that works, I think that's always fun. where's he going? why was being naked an option? naked in a DUNGEON? etc.

and a few I think are weak:

The back of Carmy’s throat was gummy with Pepto and his eyelids felt like sandpaper. The nicotine gum made his teeth all fuzzy and stale. He couldn't remember the last time he drank water. It was either Wednesday or Thursday.

This has some fun words (gummy, fuzzy. lol) but doesn't contain any DOING verbs. he's standing there, feeling shitty. not a compelling start

Sam was doing push-ups in the big empty room they set up to use as a workout space by putting down a rubber locking mat and getting a few dumbbells and kettlebells, resistance bands for physio. He was at the tail end of an hour as the interval timer on his phone ticked down, his arms and core aching, shirt wet with sweat. He had music playing quietly, he didn’t recognize the song.

uninteresting subject matter!! Who gives a shit about working out? the story isn't about working out! no relevance or stoked curiosity!! word choice implies the kind of very-real monotony of working out. why would I want the reader to feel monotony? foolish

favourite work: this changes all the time because I rarely like my own work for very long, so I always like more recent ones best.

my favourite right now overall is probably my true detective fic Hangdog. their voices and accents are so so fun and it had all my favourite topics. smelling bad. alcoholism. violence. and ultimately a nice ending.

I also have a continued soft spot for Matryoshka dolls (spn, johndean) because I've always wanted to capture the feeling of being in an objectively abusive relationship that also has a lot of love in it. I never really handle Big Ideas in my work, I like small ideas (smelling bad. conversations) but abuse is a big idea and it was challenging and interesting to write!!

thank you for the very nice ask, it was a lot of fun. always happy to chat

[bluedalahorse]

A highly incomplete introduction to AuDHD for YR fans who want to write more Sara Eriksson

Greetings, friends! In my time in the Young Royals fandom, I’ve seen a few people mention they were interested writing Sara but they didn’t know how to approach her neurodivergence, or that they find it intimidating. I figured it might be worth compiling a post where I share both ADHD and autism resources I’ve found helpful, as well as elements of my personal experience I draw on when writing Sara.

This post is by no means exhaustive, and I could probably say a lot more. But I figured I’d get it out there in case it was helpful to anyone else.

Part One: Resources and Such

Yo Samdy Sam is an AuDHD vlogger who talks about her experiences, and I find her video about how autism and ADHD show up together pretty informative. Since Sara is both it’s good to have a grasp on these nuances! Yo Samdy Sam’s other videos are also ones I’d recommend.

I’m autistic, now what? is also a good channel to check out for someone talking about their day to day experiences of autism. Her videos are a little longer, but she focuses often on how things have changed from her childhood to her adulthood, which can be helpful if you’re thinking about Sara at different ages/writing flashbacks/working on fic set in the future/etc.

Chloe Hayden, who stars in another teen drama called Heartbreak High, is both autistic and ADHD, and very fun and positive. She presents quite differently than Sara does—lots more talking and energy—but I think she’s a good example of every neurodivergent person presenting differently. Also, people should watch Heartbreak High and write me some fic where Sara and Quinni meet because I want it.

How to ADHD is mostly geared toward practical life skills when you’ve got ADHD, but it doesn’t neglect the way those interact with emotional well-being. Sara might try some of these strategies while working on her school work and chores, either because an adult recommended she do so or because it’s part of a system she worked out for herself. Also, the videos are perfectly designed for ADHD brains, and i have acquired many ways to self-accommodate by watching them.

Jessie Gender is autistic and does commentary about lots of nerdy things and trans rights. I really liked her video on The Queen’s Gambit where she talks about autistic girls and sex. If you’re planning to write spicer fic about Sara (which people should write more of imo) then Jessie might be a good resource!

Marieke Nijkamp is a multiply disabled author, and one of her disabilities is autism. I still have to get around to reading her novel length books but her short story “Better For All the World” made me cry and is one of my formative sargust mentor texts. I really recommend it if you can get a hold of the anthology The Radical Element. (Although, heads up, the story deals with the Buck v Bell case of 1927, which is difficult subject matter.)

Disability in Kidlit has some great resources on writing autistic characters from a craft perspective. If you’re going to write specifically from Sara’s point of view, or even if you’re not, it’s worth reading this article about the autistic voice in fiction and this article about humanizing autistic characters. Other articles on the site are also great!

I’m going to talk more about my personal experiences under the cut below…

Part 2: My personal experiences & takeaways

Sooooo if you’ve met one AuDHD person, you’ve met one AuDHD person. I can’t really claim to speak for all AuDHD people, and I’ve only recently gotten my diagnosis anyway. That said, a lot of my own personal experience colors how I write Sara. So in the interest of transparency, I’ve gone ahead and listed some of the things I’ve thought about when I write her.

An important note before I get started—this is not, actually, meta or analysis of the show. I’m not trying to tell you want I “really” think is going on with Sara Eriksson, or what the writers intended, or what the show is saying. You may read her differently, and I’m sure your interpretation is just as informed by your own experiences as mine. So please don’t take this as a criticism if your interpretation is different.

What I am explaining here instead are the ways that my personal experiences as an AuDHD person have influenced my perception of Sara, which in turn translates to how I’ve made sense of her storyline and written her in fanfic. None of these are “excuses,” but they are explorations. You can look at it as me examining my own thinking and writing process. I’m also opening up about some of my experiences and being a little bit vulnerable. If you have questions about any of these things below, or you want to know more for your own fic, you are always welcome to message me. I may not be able to get back to you right away but I can help however I am able. There are also some things I might feel more comfortable discussing in depth one-on-one, so direct messages might be better in that case, too.

Anyway, let’s begin…

Polarized strengths and weaknesses: In my own experience as an AuDHD person there are some pretty dramatic contrasts between what I’m good at and what I suck at. I’m in the 99% percentile in some skills and the 2% percentile in others. This adds up to stuff like, I read the Sherlock Holmes stories for the first time when I was eight and Les Misérables when I was eleven, but I cannot drive a car or learn a choreographed dance no matter how hard I try. This is inexplicable to some people because they’re like, omg but you know all these advanced words! Surely if you can’t drive a car, it’s just because you aren’t trying hard enough! Likewise I think it makes sense to write Sara with a spiky profile of her own, and have characters react to that accordingly.

Perceptions of maturity: AuDHD adults aren’t children. AuDHD teenagers aren’t children either. And yet part of ableism is the infantilization of AuDHD people. I don’t have a lot of huge narrative squicks, but this is one of them, and it’s rooted in frustrations I’ve had over people treating me like I’m still a child. I always write Sara as the age she’s intended to be in the fic. If I see fanfic scenes or headcanon scenarios where someone is treating Sara like she’s five, and that’s spun as positive or never questioned, it can make me really upset and it’s an immediate back button. This is something I would recommend writers be on the lookout for if they’re incorporating Sara into a scene. Maybe this one bullet point is spinning a little far into criticism of other folks, but I think if I could communicate one thing to other people writing Sara, this would be it.

Special interests/hyperfixations: The thing about special interests is that autistic people often turn to them to replenish their energy and get their nervous systems back to a state of equilibrium. (For instance, me writing this post right now about my blorbo Sara Eriksson is me engaging with a special interest to put my nervous system in a state of equilibrium and put energy back in my body.) Sara’s time spent with Rousseau isn’t just wonderful because she loves horses, it’s also something that’s probably helping her recharge after a complicated day of navigating social situations at Hillerska. This is why she panics at the thought of losing Rousseau. Now, there’s still issues here in that Rousseau isn’t actually Sara’s horse. And I do think many teenage and adult autistics with low support needs, like Sara, understand that they can’t engage with their special interests all the time. But in order to write and understand Sara, I have to understand that she’s counting on Rousseau and horses more generally as something that helps her self-regulate and stay grounded. (In Heart and Homeland I also added art as one of her hyperfixations, so she often draws to recharge and make sense of things.)

Alexithymia: Alexithymia is essentially a trait people can have where they struggle to read their own emotions. It’s pretty common in autistic people and other neurodivergent folk; I have a mild version of it. For me, tuning into my emotions is a bit like trying to figure out what song is playing on a staticy radio. I might have to wait and “mess with the dial” a bit before I can fully understand what I’m feeling in a given situation. The question “how are you?” is a bit of a nightmare for me sometimes. Because my alexithymia is mild, I usually can figure out what I’m feeling in time, but I still often need extra effort to discern the nuances. I tend to apply this trait to Sara when I write her, mostly because she seems to need to sit with her feelings to understand how they’re affecting her. This is most evident when she’s trying to figure out if she like-likes August, though it comes out in other ways, too. Sara might just need a lot of time to process her emotions. Even when she’s showing her emotions and in them, they might take a lot of time to leave her system, and she might not catch on to how they’re affecting her right away. In Heart and Homeland, part of the reason Sara keeps a diary in the first place is so she can sort through what she’s feeling.

Heightened empathy: There’s an old stereotype that autistic people don’t have any empathy. This is not true, and some autistics even have an excess of empathy. I would argue that Sara (at least the way I interpret and write her) is one of them. This may seem counterintutive to some, as I have seen people argue that she is insufficiently empathetic to Simon and/or Linda. I see it differently, however. In my own experience, having an excess of empathy doesn’t always mean that I come across as loving and sweet to the people in my life. Sometimes it can make it so you’re so full of feelings toward others that you can’t act. I often function clumsily in conflicts, and feel like I’m caught between different parties, especially if it’s a situation where everyone appears to be hurting. It’s enough to make me shut down and not do anything, or even side with the person who to everyone else is obviously wrong. Especially when I was a teenager, the answer about “who to side with” in a conflict wasn’t always clear to me. For instance, in college, I dated a girl who constantly belittled me and many of my friends, and I let her get away with it because I was sensitive to the ways she was genuinely hurting about life. I am not proud of it now, and I did break up with her eventually and made efforts to patch things up with my friends when I could, but it also took me two and a half years to get there. Thanks to life experience and therapy, I am now better at recognizing red flags and overriding my excess empathy to call people out on their shit when they need it. It took me time, though, and I can’t help reading a lot of that into Sara. In a way, I tend to think her hope that August will own up to his actions is born out of heightened empathy for both August and Simon. She pins her hopes on this solution because, in her mind, it meets Simon’s needs because the person who harmed him has come forward and is willing to be held accountable for his actions and it meets August’s needs because he can find relief in owning up to his shit and stop drowning in regret. Now, yes, Sara is absolutely misleading herself and ignoring crucial details of the situation because she’s in love, and she does misread what Simon actually needs in the situation. This is very typically teenage. At the same time, when I write her in fic, I see this as tied to an excess of empathy, and not a lack of it.

Inertia/Executive Functioning Struggles: Building on what was said above… some AuDHD people (like myself) can really struggle with making a plan and getting started on tasks, and the bigger the task, the bigger the struggle. “Tasks” is a word we usually apply to things like doing laundry, so we tend to think of executive functioning as an unemotional thing, but it can also apply to emotional stuff like, say, having a big conversation that needs to be had or breaking up with someone you know you need to. (Like I said above. Two and a half years with that shitty person in college!) In fact, I would say inertia can even make things harder with social/emotional stuff, because math homework is at least consistently math homework, but social/emotional situations can shift and become more complicated over time. At Hillerska, we see Sara get involved in ever-shifting social politics, and it takes things escalating to the field scene for her to take action at the end of S2. (In a more minor example, Sara taking a while to get ready in the parents’ weekend episode, and Linda rushing her out the door, is a great example of Sara being affected by inertia.)

Menstrual ick: Increasing numbers of studies show that people with uteruses who have ADHD, autism, or both are way more likely to have painful periods and PMDD. This is true for me—one of the biggest signs that my period is coming is that I am absolutely convinced everyone hates me. I don’t know how to apply this to Sara directly, but periods are part of life and if you happen to write about her dealing with menstrual nonsense, this might be something to keep in mind.

Sensory issues: A lot of people are aware of sensory issues for neurodivergents, and every neurodivergent experiences sensory issues differently, and not always in ways that are immediately apparent to neurotypicals. For me, I hate vacuums and car horns and bananas, but for my roommate, she hates any lights on after 7 PM and finds chocolate overwhelming. Sara doesn’t mention any particular sensory issues, but presumably she has some and masks her reactions, so uh… make up the ones that make sense to you, I guess. Or, don’t make them up, but maybe read about a bunch of different people’s experiences of sensory issues and work from there. External stuff like being tired, sick, or being on one’s period can heighten sensory issues, so think about vulnerability factors that might increase them for Sara.

Rejection sensitivity: Many people with ADHD feel rejection or criticism from others with a high level of intensity, even as physical pain. (Fun fact: PMS makes my rejection sensitivity even worse!) I don’t know if we see Sara feeling rejection sensitivity onscreen much in YR, but I can’t help but imagine she’s dealt with it in the past, based on the way she says she sometimes feels like the worst person in the world, when she’s talking to August in 2.3. If Sara’s had therapy (which I assume she’s had in some form because she knows breathing exercises) then maybe this is something she’s worked on coping strategies.

Accommodations in school: I don’t actually know how this works in Sweden specifically or at a school like Hillerska, but I’d love to hear how it works! Someone else should weigh in if they know things. But I would not be surprised if Sara has the legal right to certain accommodations in school such as extended time on tests, guided notes, etc. (Not being Swedish myself, I’m not sure what the equivalent to the Americans With Disabilities Act would be in Sweden.) One thing to note here is that Sara would get to decide herself whether she actually uses her accommodations or not. I would say, based on my observations of teenagers, is that some neurodivergent teenagers tend not to use their accommodations so they can avoid sticking out among their peers. This seems like it might be the case for Sara, since she wants to make friends at Hillerska and not stand out. The other thing she might encounter at Hillerska specifically is teachers who don’t want to meet those accommodations because they’re “old school” and, frankly, ableist. Accommodations are something one should take into account when writing Sara’s academic life, though.

Double empathy problem: This is something that the psych community is talking about more lately, and essentially the idea here is that neurotypicals communicate best with other neurotypicals whereas neurodivergents communicate best with other neurodivergents. That doesn’t mean both groups can’t communicate with one another (and even reducing it to two groups is kind of oversimplifying things, because obviously culture and other things impact communication too) but there are different patterns of communication at work here. In my own life, I vibe well with people whose neurotypes are similar to mine—this is exactly why @coruscantrhapsody and I are such iconic roommates. The Double Empathy Problen is theorized to have played a role in stereotypes about autistic people not having any empathy. (PS: I don’t actually think August has undiagnosed ADHD in canon, at least not according to the writers. Still, I think it would be pretty interesting to write him in fanfiction as someone who has a missed childhood diagnosis given the way he struggles with rejection sensitivity, impulsivity, and emotion regulation, and the way that the adderall addiction could be a form of self-medication that has gone awry. For that reason I think it’d be interesting to see a fic where the sargust relationship is viewed through the lens of the double empathy problem. Obviously not in a way where the ADHD excuses August’s harmful behaviors, but you know. An added layer of delicious nuance. Alternately, I know some folks like to headcanon Wille as autistic. Sara really clicking with autistic!Wille when they finally get a chance to talk is something I’d like to see!)

Neurodivergent community: As far as I can tell, Sara doesn’t really have neurodivergent community. This makes me sad, as someone who strongly benefits from friendships with other neurodivergent people. I would like her to have some in someone’s fic, please! Let me know if you write it.

That’s all for now… maybe I’ll add more in a future post.

For any other AuDHDers, do you have any elements of your personal experience that you incorporate into how you interpret or write Sara’s character? Feel free to reblog and add on, if you feel so inclined. (But also, no pressure.) Like I said, every ND person experiences this stuff differently, so someone else may have completely different experiences than me.

[atwooozi]

gojo x oc

Chapter 13: Fushiguro Toji

summary: Amid the whirlwind of press interviews, Ai finds herself in an unexpected moment of introspection and connection with Gojo. As they converse, Ai peels back the layers of Gojo's public persona, uncovering his past struggles and the significant influence of a mentor named Toji. Their conversation takes a turn, revealing Gojo’s unspoken burdens and his unwavering commitment to those he cares for. A shared late-night walk cements their bond, offering Ai a rare glimpse into the heart of the man behind the celebrity, and leaving her with a renewed sense of purpose for her article.

genre: modern AU, slice of life, comedy, eventual romance, eventual smut, some angst

A/N:

Wednesdays seem to come by so fast lately. I'm always so surprised when it's time for me to post a new chapter of this story. Recently, I've been taking a break from writing to focus on school work and studying, and while I know it's the responsible thing to do it's not as fun.

Anyway, the song for this week isn't Japanese or within the future funk/city pop space but I feel suits this chapter well. It's Off The Record by IVE. I've kind of been in and out of the kpop space for the past few years and I heard this song randomly on Spotify. I think it fits perfectly within this fic, especially, this chapter.

READ ON AO3

When Ai returned to the hotel where the press junkets were taking place, a few reporters were still waiting for their ten to fifteen minutes with Gojo and Okkotsu. She didn’t envy them at all. Although the journalists were just waiting around, she could only imagine doing it alone and how exhausting it was by the end of it. Countless hours passing by without someone there seemed like hell.

She quietly made her way into the small green room set up in a corner of the large hall. Taking a deep breath, she sat down in a deceptively comfy-looking chair and took out her iPad to pick up where she left off in The Tao of Wing Chun , her most recent piece of research for this profile. Ever since she went down that rabbit hole with Toji, she had somehow found herself here.

It had felt like only minutes with how absorbed she had gotten into the book, but when the door swung open, she realized that she had been sitting there for almost an hour.

“Reading on the job?” Gojo teased as he took a seat across from her. He grimaced as he tried to get comfortable in the chair and quickly relaxed as he crossed one leg over the other, resting his chin against his fist. Gojo looked tired, but somehow he still glowed despite having to go on for hours with the same questions posed in a handful of different ways.

Ai turned off her tablet and tucked it against her side as she sat up a bit straighter. “No, I was doing some research.” She took out her phone and pressed the record button before setting it on the small table between them.

“You read whole books for research?”

Ai shrugged. “I guess I’m an overachiever.” Saying those words felt sour on her tongue. Despite usually priding herself as a perfectionist, she felt like anything but that lately. She had nothing to show for all the work she did.

Gojo smiled at her and nodded his head. “Careful not to burn yourself out, Ai-chan.”

Ai nodded and ran her hands along her pants to try and soothe her nerves. “Noted.”

Gojo leaned back in his chair. “So, what have you learned?” he asked, genuine curiosity evident in his tone.

Ai shrugged. “Well, I’m just learning about Wing Chun…”

“Oh?” Gojo arched an eyebrow. “What’s that about?”

Ai gave him a quizzical look. “Don’t you already know?”

Gojo hummed, urging her to keep going to give himself a break from speaking.

“We don’t have to do this now, Gojo. You’re tired,” Ai said as she moved to get out of her seat.

Gojo quickly grabbed Ai’s wrist, holding it firmly. “I’m fine.”

Ai frowned as she held Gojo’s gaze. His eyes were tired, it was obvious. The usual ethereal eyes that sparkled were now dull.

“Fine,” Ai said as she sat herself back down.

Gojo gave a satisfied smile and sat back in his seat. “Good, back to Wing Chun.”

“You’re pretty bossy.”

Gojo couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m used to getting my way, I guess.”

Ai rolled her eyes and let out a sigh. “Before acting you were an athlete, right?”

“I was.” Gojo grinned, but his expression slowly became complicated. “I injured my knee, though, so that was that.”

Ai nodded as she jotted down some notes. “...So instead of slowing down, you decided on doing stunt work?”

Gojo shrugged. “I mean, it seemed like fun.”

“That’s it?”

Uncertainty flashed in Gojo’s eyes when Ai lightly pressed him. “Well, it wasn’t exactly my idea.” He shifted in his chair, an annoyed expression taking over his face as he tried to piece together his answer. “A friend of mine did some stunt work and I was going through a tough time after my injury so…” Gojo gestured vaguely in the air.

Ai nodded as she listened to Gojo. She almost felt bad as she watched him squirm in his chair, but he had made it so hard that she was reveling in it just a bit. “Not Geto or Shoko, right?”

“No…”

Ai nodded and pulled out her phone, pulling up the picture she found of Toji and Gojo together from years ago. “Is this your friend?”

Gojo clicked his tongue at Ai’s question as he looked at the picture. “Where did you find that?”

“Answer my question.”

Gojo tsked and leaned back in his seat. “Yeah, that’s him.”

“Why hide him?”

“I’m not hiding anything,” Gojo replied as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Why does it matter?”

Ai sighed as she looked at Gojo with a frown. “Because I am writing a story about you.” She leaned forward in her seat. “I can’t do that if you hide everything from me.”

Gojo’s jaw tensed, and he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. It was the first time Gojo didn’t have a quick reply to offer. Even when Gojo was uncomfortable, which was rare, he always had something to say, but now he had nothing to ease the pressure.

“So… Fushiguro said his dad helped you get into stunt work.”

“He did.”

“Why be so secretive about that?” Ai pressed.

Gojo sighed and rested his cheek against his palm. He seemed unsure of what to say. “Is this what your article is about?”

“I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t be an aspect of it, but if it’s Fushiguro-kun that you’re worried about, I’m not going to exploit his past for a story.”

Gojo seemed to relax somewhat and let out a deep breath. It was obvious to see how much he cared for his young co-star just from his body language alone. “I was friends with his dad, Toji.” He admitted. “If anything, he was more of a mentor to me.”

Ai nodded as she listened to Gojo, quickly writing down what she could as he spoke.

“How did you meet?”

“We met at the gym that I trained at,” Gojo explained. “He told me my form sucked, and then we sparred…” He chuckled. “He kicked my ass and then he stole some money from my wallet.”

“Wh–”

Gojo interrupted Ai, continuing on with the story. “He said something like, ‘You’re so bad that you should pay me for beating your ass.’” He broke out into a smile the more he thought about it. “And so I kept bugging him to spar with me, but he would always blow me off.”

“Did he ever spar with you again?” Ai questioned.

Gojo pouted and shook his head. “No, but he started training with me after that...” He looked up at the high ceilings as he tried to remember. “He told me that it would be embarrassing for him to fight someone as weak as me, so I had to work harder if I wanted him to waste his time.”

“He sounds–”

“He was so cool.” Gojo’s eyes sparkled. “I feel like if I hadn’t met him, my life would’ve been completely different.”

“Different how?” Ai felt like she had finally broken down whatever walls were between them. She just needed to push a little bit more.

Gojo shrugged. “Just different.”

“Can you elaborate on that just a little?” Ai asked desperately.

Gojo shook his head. “No.”

Ai’s head dropped in disappointment. She felt like she could cry. Why was he making this so difficult for her? Whenever she took a few steps forward, Gojo would take a step back. Was seeing her struggle like this fun for him?

Probably…

“We can stop here for now,” Ai said as she closed her notebook. She was glad that Gojo talked about Toji, but didn’t want to push him too much.

Gojo gave Ai a skeptical look. “That’s it?”

It was almost as if he was disappointed that Ai didn’t push him for more. She wondered if she did, he would’ve given in to her, but she didn’t want to play with him. She was tired.

Ai nodded and stood up. “Yeah, it’s late and you’re getting grumpy.”

“I’m not grumpy,” Gojo pouted as he stood up from his seat.

As Ai made her move to leave the room, she stopped when Gojo called out to her. When she turned back to look at him, he was wearing a wide grin and had his hands in his pockets.

“Wanna go on a walk with me?”

Ai hesitated for a moment. She had to walk to the train station anyway, so if Gojo tagged along with her part of the way, it wouldn’t make any difference to her. Maybe the walk would do them both good.

“Fine.”

“Let’s go then! I can’t stand to be here any longer,” Gojo said as he pushed Ai out the door.

Once they were out of the hotel building, Gojo walked a few steps behind Ai. It made her anxious. She could feel his eyes on her. She felt that if she looked over her shoulder at him, she would meet her untimely demise. Not that Gojo would attack her, but all the swirling anxieties that she had felt for the past week and a half had her on edge.

Ai sighed and tried her best to imagine as if Gojo wasn’t there and she was just walking to the train station like she normally would. It seemed to have worked, but then Gojo opened his mouth.

“Hey, let’s stop here really quick.” Ai looked over her shoulder and Gojo was pointing at a Lawson’s. “I want a snack.”

He walked into the convenience store without waiting for Ai’s reply. She debated on ditching him but opted against it. He made her nervous, but that didn’t mean she should be an asshole in return. As Ai walked through the sliding doors, she wandered over to the coolers, looking for a drink.

“You buying something?” Gojo asked as he peered down at the drinks with her.

“...Thinking about it. You?” Ai mumbled as she continued to look over her options.

“I already paid.”

Ai glanced over at him, and he had a bag already in hand. She was unsure if Gojo was inhumanly fast like the character he played or if she was just so lost in thought that it dulled all her other senses. Not wanting to waste any more time, she grabbed a Calpico and went to the self-checkout. It wasn’t necessarily what she had in mind when she went to pick a drink, but the almost too sweet flavor was something she felt she needed.

They walked outside the store together quietly. Although it was late, people were still walking through the streets of the city.

“Aren’t you tired of doing interviews?” Ai asked as she unscrewed the cap of her drink and took a sip.

Gojo chuckled. “This is nothing.” He unwrapped a melon pan and took a bite, chewing it thoughtfully before continuing. “It’s boring, but I try to have fun with it, keeps it interesting.”

Ai nodded, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. Despite his casual demeanor, she could hear the tiredness in his voice. “You make it look really easy.”

Gojo flashed Ai a relaxed grin. “That’s the idea, gotta keep everyone entertained.”

They continued walking in silence, the soft glow of the streetlights illuminating the sidewalk. Ai found herself relaxing a bit, the tension from earlier slowly melting away.

“Can I ask you something personal?” Ai asked after a few moments, her curiosity getting the better of her.

“Unfortunately, yes, I am still single,” Gojo joked and gave Ai an exaggerated sad look.

Ai rolled her eyes. “I’m being serious.”

“Sure,” Gojo smiled, his tone inviting.

“...Earlier, you mentioned that your life would have been different if you hadn’t met Toji.” Ai paused as she tried to think of how to phrase her words. “Do you ever wonder what life would be like?”

“Off the record?” Gojo asked.

Ai nodded. “Yeah, off the record.”

Gojo slowed his pace, his expression unreadable as he thought. “...I can’t–I don’t want to think of a world where I didn’t take Megumi and his sister in.” He looked over to Ai, his eyes containing a depth of emotion that she couldn’t comprehend. “I don’t regret how things turned out. If I could go back, I’d do the same thing again each time.”

Ai wasn’t sure how to feel when it came to Gojo’s sincerity. It wasn’t often that he showed this side of himself. She thought carefully about what to say next; she didn’t want him to close himself off again.

“Megumi and his sister mean a lot to you…” Ai said softly.

Gojo nodded, his gaze distant as if he was going back in time. “Everyone thought it was a stupid idea.” He gave Ai a wistful smile. “I hadn’t even finished high school yet when I took them in, but I couldn’t just let them be separated, not after everything that happened.” He explained as he started to walk again. “I think they’ve given my life a greater purpose.”

Ai walked silently with Gojo as she absorbed his words. She felt a newfound respect for Gojo, not just as an actor, but as a person.

“Thank you for sharing with me,” Ai said softly, her voice genuine. “It won’t be in the article, but it helps me understand you better.”

Gojo chuckled. “You’re a good listener, Ai-chan.”

“Thanks, I try,” Ai laughed, feeling the tension in the air lift.

As they continued to walk, Ai couldn’t help but feel that their conversation had given her a deeper insight into Gojo. If he wasn’t walking with her right now, Ai would shout in celebration. It was moments like this that reminded her of why she loved her job–she had finally caught a glimpse of Gojo Satoru. The real Gojo Satoru.

By the time they reached the train station, Ai was beaming with pride. She didn’t care how late it was, she was going to call her mom when she got home. She needed to share her accomplishments with someone.

“Thanks for the walk,” Gojo said as they approached the station entrance. He put his hands in his pockets and gave Ai a more reserved smile than usual.

Ai nodded a small smile on her lips. “Anytime.”

As Ai turned away from Gojo to walk into the station, he called out to her. Ai looked over her shoulder at him.

“Don’t go writing any sappy stories about me, okay?” Gojo said with his usual playfulness. “I have an image to maintain.”

Ai laughed. “No promises. Take care, Gojo.”

“One more thing!” Gojo called out to her.

When Ai looked over her shoulder once more, a small box was tossed in her direction. Instinctively, she reached her hands out to catch it. Once it was firmly in her hands, she looked down at the small rectangular box. It was Chocorooms. She couldn’t help but giggle as she looked down at the box.

“Since I ate them last time.”

Ai glanced up at Gojo and nodded, doing her best to hide the smile taking over her face. “Thanks…”

With a final goodbye, she turned her back to him as she hurried onto the train. A sense of satisfaction washed over her. There was still so much to learn about Gojo, but she felt like she was finally going to be able to write an article about him that did him some justice.

[bookishtheaterlover7]

PSST: here’s some insight for you.

I work in marketing for a non-entertainment industry.

My job is content creation which means:

I write copy for social media, webinars, marketing emails, campaigns, videos, website content, and more. A huge part of my job is making sure what we say aligns with PR and legal approval.

This means, sometimes what we DON’T say means more than what we do.

It can be a bit of a thankless job because when we write something on social media or on behalf of our CEO, we have to say a lot but can’t lie but also stretch the truth just enough to sound exciting but not get us sued. And yes, we often ghostwrite on behalf of higher ups but their names are the ones quoted. Even if they do give us a soundbite, with permission we can sometimes edit it and rewrite. So even actual quotes aren’t always 100%.

Basically….wordplay.

“My wife is from PT.” - truth, but non specific. Doesn’t say a name but basically alludes to what everyone is thinking based on process of elimination.

“I had kinda two ceremonies, one on the east coast, one in PT.” - truth, but non specific. The tabloids ran with conflicting stories like ceremony 1 was held in two different areas, in one state on the east coast. But he doesn’t say specifically which one which means he’s not lying but he’s only not specifying. Plausible deniability.

“I find silence in my husband.” - no names, no confirmation but also sort of confirming.

“My dog” - same as above.

CE’s GQ article where he mentions a non descriptive girlfriend - then a line is inserted by the journalist “he got married to Xyz” not quoted by him.

Same thing with RDJ’s spread and his wife saying “CE’s wedding” - and the magazine inserts the wedding to xyz.

None of these are direct quotes from the people themselves. It’s just implied.

Scarlett in an interview says she “attended a wedding” in sept - again, non descriptive.

All of these context clues are pretty commonly done in content strategy. It’s basically to say stuff to say it for promotion reasons but also making sure we cover our asses. We didn’t SAY he said it, we just added it as an afterthought and if for some reason it’s questioned well at least we didn’t quote him on it.

For example: my company has an office outside of a major city. But we can’t say “our San Francisco office” because it’s technically not SF. It’s in the Bay Area, so we can say Bay Area/Northern California office - but not get too specific. This way we’re not LYING but we’re also kinda keeping it “vague.” Cover our asses 101.

I can’t tell you how many times I have to say things like “nearly a decade of experience” - but in reality it was 8 years and five months. When I say it like this, it makes it sound like MORE rather than less.

“Over a year” - makes it sound like wow it’s been over a year but we’re not telling you just how long because we just want you to focus on the OVER part.

Marriage = stability. If you ignore the person and the pairing, it just looks like oh wow he finally got married! Good for him. Now his Wikipedia won’t show he’s just single forever because God forbid somebody turns 42 and still isn’t married. 🙄

The next time you see anything related to these two, or if you want to chance reading old articles about them - check for those little nuances in the tabloid articles. I bet a bunch of them are purposely contradicting and use “anonymous sources” as the quote to magnify the situation and hype it up to be more intense than it actually is.

Because if an anonymous source says “CE is so in love and happier than ever” - gushes a close friend of the actor, it’s not tech libel or lying because the quote is coming from a mysterious source, not CE. But the intention is inferred. You are to assume he told them this. But if someone were to directly call that out, he could simply say I don’t know who I said that to and the anonymous source won’t have or need to be confirmed. Because if it is a lie at least nobody quoted him as saying it. Nobody will be asking for a retraction.

Lastly. In marketing I often have to hype up things and use flowery language. Everything always has to be “a huge success and totally a blast” - even if the pictures we get at the events show three people standing in a booth looking bored. LOL.

“The private couple looked so in love and were all smiles!” - meanwhile the accompanying photo was two people walking in silence, one doing an Arthur fist and basically grimacing. Nobody looking at each other.

The power of wordplay, y’all. And yes, we hype everything up for a reason. And the reality is often very far from what’s being presented. It’s just business though.

(Hope you find this helpful!)

And if anyone wants to fact check my knowledge, please feel free. I have nothing to hide.

Thank you, Marketing An🫶n!

This whole thing is definitely confusing, but it's nice to know that, a. It's all business, and b. How the business works.

This is all helpful, and really quite interesting 😊 so, once again thank you, and I hope you don't mind if I and a few others will call in to ask the next time something drops 😅

[douglysium]

Episode 19 TMP Quick Thoughts

Housekeeping and Prologue

Hello, this is Douglysium and you might not know me as that guy who wrote over 100 pages of analysis on the Eye (which can be read on Tumblr here (https://douglysium.tumblr.com/post/735599414228484097/the-relationships-between-the-dread-powers-the) or Google Docs here (The Relationships Between the Dread Powers: The Eye- Knowledge is Fear and Ignorance is Bliss)) or as that guy who wrote an article on the Extinction (which can be read on Tumblr here(https://douglysium.tumblr.com/post/717929126195003392/what-would-avatars-of-the-extinction-be-like-a) and Google Docs here(​What would Avatars of the Extinction be like?: A TMA Speculation)). Suffice to say I might be a bit of a TMA fan. Also, spoilers for TMP up until episode 10. You can read my ramblings on the last episode here (Episode 18 TMP Quick Thoughts).

However, Protocol offers a very unique opportunity and experience for me because I didn’t actually get into TMA until after it was over and I binged all of it. So this is my first time experiencing something even remotely similar to what the original TMA fans probably experienced when waiting for each episode week by week and slowly having to put everything together with the limited information they had. So I decided to throw my hat into the ring since this might be my only chance to do something similar. However, I’m working on some longer form TMA content so I can’t spend as much time on these articles giving a bunch of super detailed thoughts. I will try to keep these short and that inevitably might mean some could have questions about why I think or predict certain things and in those cases I would probably recommend you read at least some of the two articles I mentioned above to get a better idea of where I’m coming from. This also means I won’t be giving you a play-by-play of every single thing that happens in the episode so I encourage you to listen to or read them yourselves and feel free to comment if you feel something is important.

These reviews are probably going to end up focusing mostly on the Entities and their manifestations as they are what I have thought about the most and spent the most time interpreting and there’s been a lot of… interesting theories floating around about how the Entities are manifesting that I want to go over.

Finally, I’m just going to say it right now, spoiler warning for all of The Magnus Archives. I know that Jon and co said one could start with Protocol and be fine, and while that’s probably true, media like this tends to be made in conversation with or take into consideration what came before it in the irl chronology in order to connect them. While I’m sure you could skip The Magnus Archives, I don't really see the point of skipping over it when we are already getting characters from TMA showing up in TMP in Protocol. So to me it’s pretty clear that if we want to understand the full picture of TMP and all the things it is trying to say then we can’t just try to pretend TMA doesn’t exist or scrub it away. Just because you could understand what’s happening without the context in broad strokes doesn’t mean you're getting all the nuances.

These articles are meant to be quick and short so sorry if there’s typos and if I don’t address every possible question or possibility. I don’t want to repeat myself too much in this series outside of the prologue so be sure to skim some of my other articles.

Episode 19 “Hard Reset”

I’m actually SUPER excited to dive into analyzing this episode because I feel like it validates some of the major themes and points I made in my essay about The Eye (The Relationships Between the Dread Powers: The Eye- Knowledge is Fear and Ignorance is Bliss). So I’m just going to cut the preamble and dive into the episode.

We start off in the OIAR break room as something / someone observes Sam pouring himself a coffee. He walks over to Celia as she looks at some papers and comments “Looks like you raided every photocopier in the building this time.” Implying that Celia has an absurd amount of papers at the moment. Sam comments “The papers? There seems to be more of them every time I come in here. You’re lucky Lena hasn’t noticed, she’s pretty uptight about how much stuff we print.” which is an interesting note about Lena’s personality or priorities even if it isn’t much. It goes without much saying that Lena seems to care a lot about the company and the employees to some extent. Although, I think Lena’s attachment to the staff is completely business related and not some kind of personal attachment.

Sam notices the papers Celia is looking through and says something that so many fans, such as myself, have been waiting for since the second we saw the Protocol logo.

“Is that… alchemy?” 

Celia asks if Sam recognizes the alchemy stuff to which Sam says “Some of it.” and explains that he ran into some alchemy related stuff when looking into the Magnus Institute and even says “Turns out they were pretty deep into all this stuff.” He also comments on one of the papers: “This one’s something to do with transference and this one… yeah, it’s all about spiritual substitution of elements although looks like its incomplete.” I wonder if this is some kind of hint to what the Institute was trying to achieve in Protocol. I could see transference somehow being related to Darien’s case or the transfer of people from other universes but I’m not sure.

The Institute being mentioned causes Celia to ask Sam how his research into the organization is going. Sam answers with “I dunno. I think I’m going to drop it.” and explains “Yeah, Alice keeps saying I’m getting obsessed and- don’t tell her I said this- but I think she might have a point. I’ve never been good with loose ends.” The conversation then continues with-

CELIA 

“If you’re sure. Seemed like you were handling it ok to me…’ 

SAM 

“You think? Well either way, I’ve got enough cases piling up I doubt I’d have the time anyway.” 

CELIA 

“Tell me about it.’ 

SAM 

“(standing) Speaking of, I should probably get back to it. Enjoy… whatever this is.” 

CELIA 

“Will do. And if I find anything to do with the Institute, I just keep it to myself yeah?”

SAM 

“Oh, well, I mean… I wouldn’t go that far…” 

This interaction has me wondering a bit more about Celia’s motives. I’m not sure if Celia is good or evil yet and if she plans to stop the Entities / Institute or enable them but I get the feeling that the reason she is helping Sam isn’t completely altruistic or just out of love for the guy, and she has something to gain from him looking into the Institute. Celia is looking into multiversal travel and we know that at the very least the Institute was aware of and seemingly present when Darien jumped universes Episode 17 (Saved Copy), so it’s possible that the Institute had looked into what Celia is searching for previously or the two subjects overlap greatly. So I do think Celia is using Sam but that doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t care about him at all (so that’s still up in the air).

What Even is The Eye?

Okay, as excited as I am to dive into the case I think it’s important to do a bit of explaining about my research and understanding of The Eye in TMA, as I feel this case shares a lot of themes that I mentioned in a previous essay. If you want to read the full essay you can do so here (The Relationships Between the Dread Powers: The Eye- Knowledge is Fear and Ignorance is Bliss) but for now I’m just going to copy and paste a snippet of the essay… look these “quick” thoughts end up averaging like 15 pages each week and I can only keep typing the same 2 points over and over, corners are going to be cut (also I put a LOT of work into my research on The Eye).

“Before we can dive into some of the comparisons and contrasts between the Eye and the other Entities, we must first define the Eye by understanding the fear it embodies and some of the imagery associated with it.

The Eye is an entity that is stated to have been born from, and feed off of, the fear of being watched, exposed, followed, of having secrets known, but also the drive to know and understand, even if your discoveries might destroy you. Getrude also mentions it feeds off the fear of being judged in MAG 161(Dwelling). With entities such as this, some of the fears may seem random or not quite connected to each other so I thought it would help to try to find not only what connects all these together but boil them down to their core essence. This is surprisingly easy since the fears of most Entities can usually be connected by very basic words or phrases. 

Basically, it appears that the Eye revolves around fears that have to do with knowledge. Whether that be the fear of someone knowing about you, someone attempting to understand something about you, or the fear of coming across a piece of knowledge you would rather not know. One way this can manifest is by something trying to reveal or gather knowledge about you. Which can be done in ways such as watching someone, exposing their secrets, listening to private conversations, etc. This is also where I think the whole following aspect of the Eye comes from. It’s the idea that someone is observing you, which is a form of gathering information, for any sort of purposes. When we think of why someone would be following someone / something else it is usually connected to information. Maybe they are trying to follow you to your house, maybe they are trying to see if you go to a place where they KNOW you’re alone, or maybe they are just trying to spy on you. Typically, when someone is following you they are either gathering information or waiting for the right moment to strike (which also involves getting information. 

The Eye’s theme of being exposed also connects to what Gertrude said in regards to it and the fear of being judged. If you are being judged then something is not only watching and / or paying attention to you but they are also trying to understand you or expose who / what you are. A lot of the time, when we are being judged, people are looking for faults and shortcomings or something they can exploit. Which is something that many find scary. There is also the fact that if someone is judging you then they could come across some fact about you that you don’t want them to know about (Imagine if someone went through your house to appraise how clean it was just to point out how dirty it is or if they found something you hid). Someone judging you may also be looking for something bad to do to you. Maybe they noticed how valuable your jewelry is and are thinking about stealing it now.

Something that I feel many miss is that the Eye not only focuses on the fear of someone / something gaining / exposing knowledge and secrets about you but also the idea of forbidden or cursed knowledge. In essence, there are some things that people don’t want to know about, something that the TMA wiki lists as “horrible knowledge.” This kind of fear also feeds the Eye, it's the reason why Jonah Magnus can shove information into people’s minds. Has anyone ever told you some weird disgusting fun fact that you didn’t need or want to know? Have you ever heard the phrase “ignorance is bliss,” “out of sight out of mind,” or “what you don’t know can’t hurt you?” Have you ever seen something that you wish you didn’t and just want to forget about, or maybe you just walked in on your naked grandma? https://www.youtube.com/shorts/752Tb059OH8 

There is also the stereotypical setup where someone witnesses a murder and immediately realizes that they weren’t supposed to see that and by merely knowing what they just saw a target has been put on their head. There are people who really don’t want you to know stuff and if they realize you know it you might be in trouble. These are all things that connect to aspects of the Eye. 

What I’m trying to get across with all these examples is that knowledge in and of itself can be scary and a burden. Something that in turn feeds the Eye. This is also why we have weird Eye related statements like the one in MAG 23 where one by the name of Albrecht von Closen sees a man with missing eyes. To some of the more astute viewers this seems pretty weird. Usually, the lack of eyes or missing eyes is associated with the Dark because it has to do with blindness and being unable to see. However, while it is stated that the man in question could seemingly still see clearly (which is what made it weird), I believe that when the Eye takes away someone’s eyes it has to do with the idea that the person in question saw something that they weren’t supposed to or didn’t want to know. That whatever they saw and knew led to them getting put in danger either physically or mentally. Either that or the idea that someone would rather go blind and remain in ignorance than see / know something. 

Imagine witnessing something so terrible it makes you want to claw your own eyes out. I think many can also relate to the idea of wanting to ignore a problem or not even think about it instead of addressing it. There’s also the idea of some sort of forbidden knowledge that can drive you mad as a common trope in horror. 

Connected to this point is the drive to know and understand, even if your discoveries might destroy you. What this basically refers to is sometimes we want to know something even if we know it might hurt us. Think of wanting to know what happened to a loved one or friend even if you know what you are about to hear is going to be terrible, or being unable to look away from a horrific accident or brutal violence uploaded onto the internet even though it traumatizes you. The Eye has a big “curiosity killed the cat” and “ignorance is bliss” theme that I think a lot of people overlook. Something that is also reflected in what we learn in regards to the Eye’s creation in MAG 200(Last Words). When we learn in what order the Fears were born and the fears that led to their creation we get this: “and struggle at learning, so too did they learn to fear that their eyes might deceive them, or show them too much.” Here the “fear that their eyes might deceive them” is the Spiral while the fear of being shown too much is the Eye since none of the other fears mentioned in that statement match up with the Eye and clearly correspond with the other Entities.”

Here’s another part of the essay I want to show- “If you still don’t get what I mean in regards to the parallels between knowledge and fear the best example I can think of is the story of Adam and Eve from the Bible. For those who don’t know, the story of Adam and Eve revolves around the first humans in the Garden of Eden. In the story Adam and Eve basically lived perfect peaceful lives in the Garden of Eden. In this garden there was a tree and God told them to not eat of its fruit as the fruit was one of knowledge but it would give them knowledge of both good and evil and he warned them that should they eat it they will die. A serpent tricks them into eating the fruit by promising that the knowledge they would obtain would make them sort of like God in the sense that they would have his knowledge of good and evil. Upon eating it they gained the knowledge of both good and evil but immediately became ashamed as they realized they were naked and without clothes. Something that I feel hammers in my point, and the fear of exposure ironically relates to the Eye. Adam and Eve would not have felt afraid or embarrassed about being naked if they hadn’t obtained the knowledge because they would have had no concept of clothes. Also, by eating the fruit they no longer knew only goodness but also knew evil which meant that they were no longer innocent in a sense. Since they now had evil knowledge and could comprehend evil actions they could also perform them to themselves or others and comprehend more ways in which someone could perform those actions on them. I would say that in a weird way some of the themes of Adam and Eve can tie into the Eye and one could argue that at a certain point suffering comes with knowledge. It’s basically the whole idea that “ignorance is bliss.””

The most important thing to take away here is that The Eye isn’t just the fear of being watched or being known but also the fear of being the watcher or knowing too much. There are some things that you don’t want to know. We also get some interesting comments in MAG 111 (Family Business) when Jon asks “R-r-right. I know The Eye. Fear of being watched, right?” Gerard adds “Being watched, being followed, having your deepest secrets exposed. Needing to know, even if your discoveries might destroy you. The feeling that something, somewhere, is letting you suffer, just so it can watch.” So The Eye has some sort of connection to a desire to know and all the terrible things people can do in their search for knowledge. There seems to be a connection to the fear that someone might hurt you in an attempt to learn something, someone is sadistically watching your pain, or that you might hurt yourself in order to learn something. The Eye also loves to prey on or amp up existing curiosity in the same way that The Slaughter likes to feed anger or The Hunt likes to feed the excitement that comes with chasing something.

I’m going to be coming back to a lot of these points as I go through this case so try to keep them in mind. The Eye can easily relate to things like dangerous / forbidden / blasphemous knowledge, or the fear of someone who has gotten too curious.

Case

The case is immediately off to an interesting start with “To my esteemed Colleague and 

friend, the honorable Fellow of the Royal Society Robert Boyle, from the bureau of Robert Hooke, Curator of Experiments of the same, regarding enactment of that most regrettable protocol in the service of God, King and Country against the Fellow Isaac Newton, penned in the year of our lord 1684” TMA has had real life historical figures appear in the past and they tend to be pretty important whenever they do (such as Robert Smirke). Also a fun fact about Isaac Newton was that, among other things, he was an alchemist. So what we see him doing in this case might be some attempt at alchemy and Isaac probably was not randomly picked for this plot point. Especially when you consider the earlier conversation Sam had with Celia and we can assume that what the computers decide to show Sam isn’t always random.

Robert’s letter (I assume Robert Hooke is writing this because the letter ends with Robert’s name being penned and the writer references a book they worked on called Microphagia. A book that Hooke actually wrote) is some sort of plea for an intervention in regards to Isaac Newton’s latest experiments. Robert says “I write to you now with intelligence of the gravest nature and a proposal most severe. I pray that my words do not further estrange you from me and that you believe me when I assure you that the suggested action is profoundly necessary for the continuation and preservation of Good Science.” and “We have much discussed the great divide between Isaac’s experimentations and your own essential works and so I have oft found myself at odds with you for, though much of his work is dubious in its moral principle, his studies have always proven most illuminative and have many times assisted my own researches. I fear however, his most recent works have disturbed this precarious equilibrium, turning instead to most improper, perhaps blasphemous, ends and I find myself left with no recourse other than to make it known to you in the hope that I might reawaken our previously close concord, which has lain dormant these long years, in service of a wholesale rejection of his creation which, I am of the firm opinion has finally erred towards the abominable and must be halted.” So Isaac’s experiments have taken some sort of weird turn.

Based on my sparse research, Robert Boyle is another irl figure. One who is a famous scientist that was also an alchemist (kind of like Isaac Newton in that way) that lived around the same time period. Newton’s wikipedia page states “Newton and Robert Boyle's approach to the mechanical philosophy was promoted by rationalist pamphleteers as a viable alternative to the pantheists and enthusiasts, and was accepted hesitantly by orthodox preachers as well as dissident preachers like the latitudinarians. The clarity and simplicity of science was seen as a way to combat the emotional and metaphysical superlatives of both superstitious enthusiasm and the threat of atheism, and at the same time, the second wave of English deists used Newton's discoveries to demonstrate the possibility of a "Natural Religion". The attacks made against pre-Enlightenment "magical thinking", and the mystical elements of Christianity, were given their foundation with Boyle's mechanical conception of the universe. Newton gave Boyle's ideas their completion through mathematical proofs and, perhaps more importantly, was very successful in popularising them.” So there is a prominent historical connection between the two.

Newton himself also had a massive interest in alchemy as the wiki states “Of an estimated ten million words of writing in Newton's papers, about one million deal with alchemy. Many of Newton's writings on alchemy are copies of other manuscripts, with his own annotations. Alchemical texts mix artisanal knowledge with philosophical speculation, often hidden behind layers of wordplay, allegory, and imagery to protect craft secrets. Some of the content contained in Newton's papers could have been considered heretical by the church.” That last sentence is probably what’s inspiring some of the conflict in this case, especially since Boyle seemed super religious.

As Robert Hooke keeps going he mentions a protocol when saying “I recall with much shame that it was myself who pressed you so vociferously for restraint the last time this Protocol was enacted. It was I who begged patience, certain as I was that my work on Micrographia might have rendered a remedy for that most awful plague. It was I who warned that to enact a Protocol against the great city of London itself was a step beyond the rights of our position, but you were, as is so oft the case, correct in your steadfastness and I confess purgation of all that most dangerous and unfit knowledge was both necessary and good. It was only through the Protocol that we were spared from that Dread emission and I fear that such an act is once again required, though it is my fervent hope that on this occasion there is still sufficient time to limit the breadth of the poisonous act.” This could be the fabled Magnus Protocol or what ended up giving birth to the Magnus Institute within the Protocol universe in some way.

This entire remark is also interesting because Robert mentions a strange plague and his work on Micrographia. The wiki states “Micrographia: or Some Physiological Descriptions of Minute Bodies Made by Magnifying Glasses. With Observations and Inquiries Thereupon is a historically significant book by Robert Hooke about his observations through various lenses. It was the first book to include illustrations of insects and plants as seen through microscopes. Published in January 1665, the first major publication of the Royal Society, it became the first scientific best-seller, inspiring a wide public interest in the new science of microscopy. The book originated the biological term cell.” Robert also mentions a plague which could have been the influence of something like The Corruption but it could have also just been a normal plague. If this is just a normal plague then it’s probably the Bubonic Plague as Wikipedia states “like many who could afford to, Robert Hooke left London for six months during the worst of the bubonic plague.” In TMA the Entities had strong ties to books and something like Micrographia would make a pretty perfect leitner but I don’t think Microphagia is a leitner or cause of the disease here..

Robert also says “It was I who warned that to enact a Protocol against the great city of London itself was a step beyond the rights of our position, but you were, as is so oft the case, correct in your steadfastness and I confess purgation of all that most dangerous and unfit knowledge was both necessary and good.” This tells us that the Protocol can be enacted on specific areas / targets since it is specifically being used against London in this example. We know the Institute within TMA was located in London so it’s possible the corresponding location has some significance but it could just be that London is an important and big city generally. Robert talks of purging “that most dangerous and unfit knowledge” but what does that mean exactly? I could see it as some sort of book burning or confiscation but we still don’t know if leitners are really a major thing like they were in the TMA universe. It’s possible that what Hooke is implying is the enactment of this Protocol was somehow related to the Great Fire of London in 1666 (shout out to bonzos-number-1-fan for pointing this out in their own (much shorter) analysis: https://www.tumblr.com/bonzos-number-1-fan/752553210414235648/tmagp-19-thoughts-witty-subtitle?source=share). www.historic-uk.com (https://www.historic-uk.com/HistoryUK/HistoryofEngland/The-Great-Plague/#:~:text=In%201666%20the%20Great%20Fire,It%20was%20a%20ghastly%20disease.) says “In 1666 the Great Fire of London destroyed much of the centre of London, but also helped to kill off some of the black rats and fleas that carried the plague bacillus..” We know that in the Protocol universe the Institute was burned down at some point so this could mean that the Protocol in question has some sort of connection to fire. There’s this Great Fire of London, the Institute, and stories of Newton losing 20 years worth of research due to some kind of fire in one of his labs (although a lot of those stories seem dubious in real life). This could also mean that the strange fire seen in Episode 7’s (Give and Take) case could be an example of this Protocol being enacted.

Robert also mentions “It was only through the Protocol that we were spared from that Dread emission and I fear that such an act is once again required.” The transcripts actually have “Dread” capitalized which could just be another error or typo but if you want to take it seriously it could be interpreted as some kind of proper noun or something specific. The Entities themselves went by many names, both individually and collectively, and one such name was the “Dread Powers” which sounds vaguely similar. So, it’s entirely possible that the “Dread emission” is being used to refer to one or more entities or some specific manifestations. Emissions itself isn’t capitalized so perhaps Dread is what they are being referred to as and the emissions refers to some type of manifestation. It’s also possible that in TMAGP some sort of alchemy led to the plague spiraling out of control.

Usually I save talking about potential Entities a case shares similarities with till the end of the case. But there’s kind of a lot to talk about here so I’m going to start now. Hopefully you read my bit on The Eye because I noticed something Robert says: “I confess purgation of all that most dangerous and unfit knowledge was both necessary and good”. As I went over, The Eye is the Entity connected to the fear of knowledge in general. So if someone was afraid of some sort of dangerous knowledge / secret getting out or others learning about it then The Eye would usually be all over that shit. So from the get go we already have some themes that could potentially relate to The Eye here. This isn’t much right now but it becomes increasingly clear as the case goes on.

Robert talks about how “despite Isaac’s standing as a Fellow within the estimable Society, his experiments persist in prying into such knowledge as we both know to be anathema to Good Science. His work on the vegetative propagation of metals has proceeded unabated these recent years and I am now most certain that the fruits of his labor will lead to tragedy, death and damnation if they are left to mature unchecked.” Once again there’s an emphasis on Robert’s fear of knowledge and information. The transcripts have “Fellow” and “Society” capitalized in reference to Isaac which could imply that he is also a part of the “Fellow of the Royal Society” mentioned earlier.

Robert explains that lately they have been visiting Isaac more often. Even more than the person they are writing the letter to may have suspected “and I fear that of the many sins I have committed in my time upon this earth, this may be one of those I come most to regret. I had, of course, no knowledge of the perilous extent of his experiments and had I known such I would never have deigned to further associate myself with him, but his most recent letters promised work of a quite astonishing nature and, may god forgive me, my curiosity could not be assuaged without witness.” If you’ve read even a handful of my articles you’ll know that curiosity is a major theme with The Eye, especially in regards to how curiosity can lead to you or others getting hurt physically or mentally. We also know that The Eye and some of its followers love taking advantage of the curiosity of others or dangling the promise of answers in front of them. Here Robert admits that his curiosity might have gone too far and gotten him in trouble as it led him into sin. At some point Isaac asks Robert to visit “his laboratory in Trinity in a sanguine mood, though this was immediately disturbed by the damnable presence of that stunted dog he keeps, worrying my coat tails as I approached the threshold.” Sanguine can mean blood red or relating to blood but in relation to mood it can mean “marked by eager hopefulness : confidently optimistic” So Isaac is excitedly asking Robert to come over to his lab. I wonder if the lab being in Trinity is some sort of foreshadowing since alchemy draws a connection between salt, mercury, and sulfur with the body, mind, and soul respectively. Note how this symbolism comes in a set of three and is thus a trinity. Isaac fails to notice Robert approaching due to how focused he was on his work “and it was only by declaring myself most forcefully that he could be sufficiently distracted to acknowledge my presence.” This is another episode where I'm going to need to do a lot of copy and pasting because of how many important details there are. Isaac’s intense focus could just be from normal causes but The Eye often has effects that can make it harder for someone to stop looking at or listening something. This is most obvious with the statements in TMA as Jon had a hard time stopping once he started a statement and sometimes he would go into a trance like state (making it harder to get his attention).

Robert sees Isaac carrying a flask and describes it “Forgoing the customary pleasantries, he instead proceeded straight to his laboratory wherein I saw he had a glass flask of great proportions, at least thirty gallons or thereabouts, within which there was an element of such overwhelming radiance that to look upon it directly was to dazzle the eyes and throw the mind into confusion. Composing myself, I queried Isaac on the nature of this creation, whereupon he explained with customary disinterest that he had finally perfected the work of Wilhelm Homberg to produce what he termed the Arbor Philosophorum Perfecta. I was naturally most intrigued but despite my questioning he refused to elaborate, instead passing me a smoked glass that I might gaze upon his creation with greater clarity and when I did so I came to understand that what I was looking at was a small tree ensconced in a clear solution. At first I presumed it to be merely another work of dendritic silver as we have seen before, albeit one of surpassing quality and finesse. However, I soon came to realize this was something altogether grander and profoundly abhorrent.” I’ve never heard the term “Arbor Philosophorum Perfecta” but I recognize some of the root words and by plugging the phrase into google translate we can get “The Complete Tree of Philosophers”. 

Wilhelm Homberg is another famous figure who also happened to have an interest in alchemy. His wikipedia page states “Homberg practiced natural philosophy at a time of transition between alchemy and chemistry. Before 1700, most of his work focused on pneumatics and the vacuum, using an improved air pump of his own design. He did attempt chrysopoeia but also he made what are still regarded as solid contributions to chemical and physical knowledge, recording observations on the preparation of Kunkel's phosphorus, on the green colour produced in flames by copper, on the crystallization of common salt, on the salts of plants, on the saturation of bases by acids, on the freezing of water and its evaporation in vacuo, etc. Much of his work was published in the Recueil de l'Académie des Sciences from 1692 to 1714. He is also supposed to be the first one who proposed distillation at reduced pressure to prevent thermal decomposition. The "Sal Sedativum Hombergi" is boracic acid, which he discovered in 1702, and "Homberg's phosphorus" is prepared by fusing sal-ammoniac with quick lime.”

Upon seeing the strange tree Isaac had made Robert first assumes that it’s “another work of dendritic silver as we have seen before, albeit one of surpassing quality and finesse.” but “I soon came to realize this was something altogether grander and profoundly abhorrent. It's branches were exquisite and delicate, swaying slightly from small eddies in the liquid and they shone with every spectra. I must confess that to look upon it, one was filled with profound wonder at its exquisite elegance. I professed as much to Isaac and he replied quite solemnly “as are all of the Lord’s living works.”” The response Isaac just gave gives Robert pause as he believed “though impressive, the tree was quite clearly mineral in nature and as such must be lacking in that essential vitality that only the Lord God can bestow.”

Robert assumes Isaac’s words to be a joke. This would mean Robert is afraid that Isaac is calling himself a god or is comparing the creations of a mere mortal human to that of the perfect God himself, and such comparisons would be very blasphemous. Robert also doesn’t think the tree is on the level of God’s creations even if it’s impressive and the tree doesn’t seem to be alive anyway. However, Robert’s assumption about the supposed “jest” is thrown into question when Isaac asks “...if I would taste of its fruit. I refused, of course, assuming the offer another of his odd japes but his face was grave. He then opened the flask and reached inside muttering as he did so: “de ligno autem scientiae boni et mali ne comedas in quocumque enim die comederis ex eo morte morieris”. Even I, steeped in worldly matters as I am, recognized The Lord’s words to Adam and was much dismayed at the implication. Isaac then plucked the delicate fruit with ungloved hands and held it before me. I began to not only doubt Isaac in that moment but even fear him, for I knew he had finally transgressed the limits of anything within the bounds of mortal philosophy.” According to Google Translate, the words Isaac speaks could mean “But you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for on whatever day you eat from it you will die” if translated from Latin. So Robert Hooke fears that Isaac is playing God by quoting him in such a manner.

Okay, elephant in the room, I think this is yet another possible reference to the influence of an Entity such as The Eye. As I have said, The Eye feeds upon fear associated with knowledge. Based on Robert’s belief system and the phrase Isaac says, we can find some parallels between the tree Isaac has and the forbidden fruit Adam and Eve ate in the Bible. For those who don’t know how the story goes, God makes the first humans Adam and Eve before basically telling them they can do whatever except eat of the forbidden fruit of a special tree. At some point a serpent walks up to Eve and is like “if you eat of the fruit you’ll gain incredible knowledge and be more like god or something” and Eve is duped into eating the fruit before sharing it with Adam despite God’s rule. The snake is technically right in the sense that Adam and Eve gain more knowledge as upon eating the fruit they gain the knowledge of both good and evil. However, this causes original sin to come into being because they are now capable of evil acts and know how to perform them. Additionally, they realize that they are naked and try to cover themselves up and hide from God. God eventually finds them, knows what they did, and punishes them by making humans mortal (hence God’s quote about how eating of the fruit causes death) and making women give birth (among other things). God also punishes the serpent by forcing it to slither upon its stomach.

So here we have a potential thematic overlap between this Biblical story and The Eye. Adam and Eve’s lives become much worse upon coming across forbidden knowledge and they even become more scared since they start fearing things like being perceived naked (which would relate to The Eye). Adam and Eve gain the ability to perceive how they can hurt others and how others might hurt them and this is all because they weren’t content with what they had and the serpent managed to convince them to succumb to their curiosity in an attempt to know more. So we can see an overlap relating to the fear knowledge can bring between TMA and the Bible. This is all a fancy way of saying that it looks like Isaac is recreating the forbidden fruit that Adam and Eve consumed within the Garden of Eden. The one that granted them knowledge of both good and evil, and the one that led to god punishing them. This point is reinforced when we get “Mayhap Isaac had made a legitimate discovery and was merely indulging in some grand performance before providing some less grotesque explanation. But such was not to be, for no sooner had I seen the fruit upon his palm before he tipped it into the waiting mouth of that cursed dog I had failed to see skulking at my feet.” 

The case continues- “Isaac’s eyes never left mine but I could not help but watch as the wretched canine swallowed it. There was a moment’s stillness within which Isaac watched me closely, for my reaction was seemingly of more interest to him at that moment than the fate of the animal. And my reaction was terror. The dog remained motionless, at first seemingly unaffected by its unnatural feast but as the moments passed I espied a growing torpor in its manner, with slowed breathing, sagging posture and drooping jowls. It lay down as if to sleep whereupon it grew ever more peaceful and still. I almost believed it dead, poisoned by my companion, but then I saw something far more distressing. The creature was taking root. Strands of its mottled brown hair were extruding downwards between the floor, seeking the dark earth below. Then, too, its back began to sprout, radiant branches unfurling and thickening before me, reaching upwards towards the sunlight with a seemingly insatiable desire. The dog then opened one eye and stared at me and this was the most disturbing thing of all, for that orb was also shimmering with that unnatural light, but more than that, it looked upon me and it knew me not as a beast knows its master but as one man knows another and though such a creature must by all natural law lack that essential and ephemeral anima that is required for such awful knowledge I tell you here Robert, it saw me and it knew me. I felt myself grow insensible at that violation and before I could restrain myself I had grasped a heavy instrument with which I might dash its skull upon the floor! Isaac however, intervened and for the first time since feeding the animal that accursed fruit he spoke and bade me to remain calm. He then reached back to the flask with a smaller cup and decanted a portion of the solution into it. Then, seemingly without concern, he poured it upon the rapidly growing monstrosity. There was a brief hiss and a release of steam which occluded my vision entirely, quickly followed by a slight tugging at my trouser legs from which I recoiled in horror, fearing the creature had reached out to claim me in its insidious grip, but when the vapor cleared I found myself cowering from nothing more than that mange-ridden dog, no longer sprouting and burdened with knowledge, it was reduced to a mere beast once again. Isaac laughed at this ignominious display and suggested I step away to recover so that I might “better appreciate that which had been revealed to me” I instead took my leave and hurried out of not just his chambers but the entire college as fast as I was able.”

While some may struggle to attribute what we are seeing to an Entity I would argue that thematically this has an extremely strong connection to The Eye. It’s clear that the narrator’s fear is in relation to the dog being granted knowledge or human level intellect of some sort. They also state “The dog then opened one eye and stared at me and this was the most disturbing thing of all, for that orb was also shimmering with that unnatural light, but more than that, it looked upon me and it knew me not as a beast knows its master but as one man knows another and though such a creature must by all natural law lack that essential and ephemeral anima that is required for such awful knowledge I tell you here Robert, it saw me and it knew me.” This comment matches plenty of encounters with The Eye and one of The Beholding’s names is in fact “It Knows You.” Not to mention that The Eye is connected to the fear of being judged, known, and / or perceived. So the dog being able to actually judge what it’s seeing on the level of a human could relate to The Eye. Not to mention that if this fruit is indeed analogous to the forbidden fruit from the Bible it would mean that Isaac might have just granted the dog knowledge of both good and evil before taking it away. Also there’s the obvious eyeball imagery in relation to being watched with the dog’s strange glowing eye.

Additionally there’s emphasis placed on Isaac watching Hooke’s reactions as we are told “Isaac’s eyes never left mine but I could not help but watch as the wretched canine swallowed it. There was a moment’s stillness within which Isaac watched me closely, for my reaction was seemingly of more interest to him at that moment than the fate of the animal. And my reaction was terror.” Which matches up in what Gerry has said about The Eye with- “The feeling that something, somewhere, is letting you suffer, just so it can watch.” Hooke does also mention the burden of knowledge when he says “I found myself cowering from nothing more than that mange-ridden dog, no longer sprouting and burdened with knowledge, it was reduced to a mere beast once again.”

After escaping Ronertbegins writing the letter and says “No doubt you agree with me that I have witnessed something which is far outside that which we could, in good conscience and understanding, describe as Good Science, for if such a transmutation can be elicited from a lower creature devoid of soul or reason I tremble to consider how it might affect the children of Adam, blessed as we are with greater faculty and insight for both good and evil.” For the sake of clarity, what Hooke is saying is that if such a transmutation can bring a lowly beast like a dog to have a mind like that of a man then he fears what would happen if someone who is already human ate Isaac's fruit. The case finishes with:

Though it pains me to speak so poorly of one so well regarded as Isaac I fear this latest excess is beyond what can be called conscionable. His work must be curtailed for the safety of all. I remain opposed however, to any notion of violence against his person. He is a prominent figure and his work, though misguided, is not wantonly evil.

I propose that we enact the Protocol but limit it only to his laboratory, destroying his research and correspondence for, if we can end this digression from Good Science and divert him with more virtuous work, we might yet take possession of a newly ardent ally in our vigils. This is of course on condition that he never discovers our intervention nor is left to work in such solitude again.

Robert, my dear compatriot, I implore you to consider my plea despite our recent disagreements, for if you fail to act I will instead be forced to intervene alone and by god’s grace I know not if I hold the fortitude to do what would need to be done.

Pray reply with all celerity for I fear that time is short in this matter. Yours with the utmost respect and gratitude, for the sake of London, England, and for all of Christendom,

Robert

There’s another reference to the Protocol and like I previously touched on it looks like the Protocol can be used to target very specific things. The writer asks for the Protocol to specifically be used on Isaac’s laboratory. The writer also talks of making Isaac an ally which makes me wonder what that entails or if anyone else will try making use of Isaac’s research for this Protocol.

As far as Entities this case parallels The Eye is the most obvious to me. There is also some overlap with The Extinction here. A lot of fans seem to be under the impression that The Extinction is only the fear of things going extinct but that’s about as accurate as saying The Beholding only relates to the fear of eyeballs. There’s a correlation but that’s an overly simplistic way of looking at it. In MAG 134, (Time of Revelation) Adelard Dekker says this in regards to his theory about the power “But now the fear is not of a rapture or a revelation. It is of catastrophic change. Mankind will warp the world so much it kills us all, and leaves only a thousand years of plastic behind. Technology will strip us of what it means to be human, and leave us something alien and cold. We will press a button that in a moment will destroy everything we have ever been. Animals are witnessing the end of their entire species within a single generation.” So The Extinction is more broadly the fear of catastrophic change. Whether that change comes from a species wiped off the face of the planet, evolving technology, new mutations, or apocalyptic events. Hooke states “No doubt you agree with me that I have witnessed something which is far outside that which we could, in good conscience and understanding, describe as Good Science, for if such a transmutation can be elicited from a lower creature devoid of soul or reason I tremble to consider how it might affect the children of Adam, blessed as we are with greater faculty and insight for both good and evil.” which could very easily connect to an Entity like The Extinction with the fear of animals and humans being changed.

Some other possible Entities include ones like The Flesh, and The Corruption. The Flesh simply loves body horror, which applies pretty easily to the dog’s transformation, and you could maybe argue that the writer finds Isaac’s research and experiments disgusting but that’s more of a stretch.

CHESTER

This case doesn’t give us anything that could recontextualize when CHESTER (Jonathon’s voice) shows up. Considering Sam’s comment about the Institute’s connection to alchemy you could use this as evidence for CHESTER covering cases that somehow involve the Institute. If you want to go with the angle that CHESTER covers cases having to do with extreme curiosity or looking for something the writer of the case does admit that his curiosity got the better of him and he went to see what Isaac was working on.

Rest of the Episode

Sam seems to have started noticing a correlation between whatever he talks about or is looking for and the cases the computers decide to play. I've said in previous articles, the computers are extremely suspicious with their timings. They seem to conveniently feed Sam cases relating to the Institute a lot and in a previous episode Celia thanked one of the computers for giving her a case that might have been related to something she was wondering about. Sam asks Alice “Are the computers listening to us?” and “As in, are they monitoring our conversations or something? ” This is actually a bit of a complex question because without a doubt something / someone is listening to Sam and company through various electronic devices. We the audience are hearing whatever said force is hearing as it spies on people (like how both us and The Web listened through the tapes in TMA). However, right now it’s unclear if whatever is listening through all the electronics also has any bearing on what cases the computers are picking. It’s possible that the computers are their own thing that is at least somewhat distinct from whatever is listening through the electronics but they also might all be coming from the same source trying to pull some strings or feed information.

ALICE

“Freddie can barely boot up without throwing an error, so I seriously doubt it’s monitoring your loo breaks. Typical Colin to have a complete breakdown just to get out of fixing the damn thing.”

SAM

“Alice.”

ALICE

“I know, I’m just frustrated. Look, what’s brought this on all of a sudden Sam?”

SAM

“I- I know it sounds crazy but well, it’s starting to feel like I’m deliberately being given cases that point to The Magnus Institute.”

ALICE

“You’re right.”

SAM

“I am?”

ALICE

“Yeah, that does sound crazy.”

SAM

“I’m not making this up! These days it’s like every other case links back to it in some way.”

ALICE

“Sam enough! Can you even hear yourself? Look… This place can really get to you if you’re not careful. And I really don’t want you to go the same way as Colin.” 

SAM

“Have you heard anything from him?”

ALICE

“No.”

ALICE (cont.) 

“Was that all? Because like I said, I’m up to my eyes over here.”

SAM

“Yeah. Forget I said anything.”

ALICE

“Great.” 

Once again, Alice tries to ignore the problem, which is even shown in the fact that she hasn’t checked on Colin until Sam brings it up in this episode. Alice is clearly worried about Sam going down the same path as Colin. It’s interesting that Alice’s approach to Sam’s questions almost completely opposes Celia. Celia tells Sam that he seems like he’s handling it well and encourages him to keep looking for info while Alice says he sounds crazy and tries to get him to drop it. I wonder if Alice saying “I’m up to my eyes over here” is some cheeky reference or foreshadowing.

Of course, Sam’s point about the computers giving him Institute related cases could tie into what I’ve said about Entities like The Eye in relation to curiosity.

The next scene takes place in the manager's office and the transcripts say “GWEN is in the middle of a heated argument with Lena. Or she would be, if Lena wasn’t so ice cold.” Never change Lena. Gwen is angry that she is being sent out to deal with dangerous Externals without any security but Lena explains that extra security personnel is not an option right now. Gwen responds “This is ridiculous! You’re the one who was laying into me for bringing Lady Mowbray here! What happened to “unacceptable risks to personnel”!?” before Lena (very correctly) points out that the only reason Gwen is in this dangerous situation right now is because she blackmailed her way into it. In fact, Lena didn’t even think Gwen was ready for the position if I recall correctly.

“I have completed such assignments myself on many occasions, and this is an essential part of the role. If, however, on reflection, you have come to realize you are unfit for the job, you are, as always, welcome to resign. I’m sure your family will be able to find you an easier position elsewhere.” Lena’s comment about the assignments is interesting. I can’t 100% tell if she means she performed them in place of an Externals Liaison before Gwen’s promotion or if it's something people need to do in order to get to her position. Lena’s comment about Gwen’s family is another one that implies the Bouchard family is rich in the Protocol universe, or at least Gwen’s side of the family.

Gwen says that she knows the OIAR has used Starkwall to provide security in the past and tries to use that as evidence to show that she deserves some basic support. But Lena explains “Starkwall, as with any security force, have an unfortunate habit of escalating situations they become involved in. It’s my professional opinion that you will be safer without their presence.” It’s hard to tell if Lena is a good guy or bad guy but she does seem to care about the OIAR and its employees on a business level. It seems she does what she can to keep them safe since Lena warns Gwen that she is not ready to be a Liaison and only puts her in the position when her hand is forced. Lena is also very upset when Gwen brings Mowbray to the OIAR since it could endanger other employees. So I have no reason to assume Lena is completely lying here and I think she’s probably right even if we don’t have a lot of information on Starkwall yet. The only concrete thing we know about it is that they were somehow related to the “The San Pedro Square Massacre” brought up in Episode 4 and Alice mentioned “The private military contractors yeah.” So they don’t sound like a peaceful bunch who talks things down. I wouldn’t be surprised if their appearance threw certain Externals into a frenzy or made them lash out at a perceived attack. I also have to wonder if Starkwall is somehow connected to their own Entity(s) like something akin to The Hunt or Slaughter.

Gwen does not get the back up she wanted and we see Alice going to check up on Colin. It’s clear that his mental state hasn’t exactly improved. Colin probably isn’t in the best shape right now since the transcripts say- 

COLIN opens the door. ALICE reacts to his appearance. 

ALICE (cont.) 

“Hey mate. You’re looking… here.”

Much to Alice’s confusion, Colin demands that if Alice wants to come inside she needs to give him her phone. Alice correctly deduces “You’re going to throw it in the fishtank aren’t you?” and Colin responds “I have to. It’s the only way to be sure. We can’t let him know how much we know.” Did Alice assume that because it’s a trope or because Colin’s fish tank has a bunch of phones thrown into it or something. I also don’t know why Colin would need to destroy the phone and couldn’t just tell Alice to leave it somewhere far away. It could be that Colin is just paranoid (even if he is right that something is listening through electronic devices) or it could be that Colin knows something about the observer that we don’t yet.

Alice says that everyone is worried about Colin and Colin says “You should be worried for yourselves.” This matches up with the warning Colin gave Sam in Episode 7 (Give and Take): “Listen mate. If you’re going to get this worked up over a weird email you’re going to freak when you see the real stuff.” Sam questions this and Colin only says “Oh you’ll see” and Sam asks Colin if that’s why he taped over his webcam. Alice asks Colin if he’s been seeing professional help and Colin responds “No, what I need is to not be seen. He sees too much already. Doing mummy and daddy Stasi proud, I’m sure. Not that anyone cares as long as it all balances, right? Not too much mercury or the world ends, not too much sulfur or we all go mad… ”

Okay, there’s some obvious similarities to The Eye here with the fear of being perceived or seen and I have pointed out that the OIAR could be connected to an Entity like The Eye. Colin’s comment of “Doing mummy and daddy Stasi proud, I’m sure. Not that anyone cares as long as it all balances, right? Not too much mercury or the world ends, not too much sulfur or we all go mad…” is extremely intriguing. When I searched up Stasi I got “The Ministry for State Security , commonly known as the Stasi (German: [ˈʃtaːziː] ⓘ), an abbreviation of Staatssicherheit, was the state security service of East Germany (the GDR) from 1950 to 1990. The Stasi's function in East Germany resembled that of the KGB in the Soviet Union⁠ —it served as a means of maintaining state authority, i.e., as the "Shield and Sword of the Party" (German: Schild und Schwert der Partei). This was accomplished primarily through the use of a network of civilian informants. This organization contributed to the arrest of approximately 250,000 people in East Germany.” Colin could be speaking metaphorically or saying that there is a literal connection there. 

I think it’s very interesting that Colin actually uses pronouns when referring to this mysterious observer. Colin specifically says “him.” This could be an assumption on Colin’s part but it could also be a clue. Considering this episode’s case I wonder if a human did end up drinking Isaac’s potion or there is some sort of “enlightened” person watching over the OIAR.

There’s also “Not that anyone cares as long as it all balances, right? Not too much mercury or the world ends, not too much sulfur or we all go mad…” Once again, is he speaking literally or metaphorically? It’s possible that what the OIAR does is literally trying to prevent some apocalypse or Change from occurring but it’s important to remember that this doesn’t mean the OIAR is right. Smirke learned he was wrong about how to balance out and harness the Powers and it's possible that while the OIAR thinks they are doing something similar or saving the world they are somehow mistaken. The mercury and sulfur Colin speaks of relates to alchemy. As mentioned earlier, in alchemy salt corresponds to the body, mercury the mind, and sulfur the soul. Maybe something to do with the corruption of mind and soul? The most direct interpretation here would be that too much sulfur messes with the soul and causes madness while mercury somehow leads to the world as we know it being destroyed. I wonder if this trinity also somehow relates to the way certain groups might categorize the Entities in this universe?

Alice leaves saying “Idiots. Idiots all the way down. ”

Conclusion

Very weird episode but also very intriguing. I hope we get to see more of Colin. If you want the case categories from the transcripts they are-

CAT13RBC1137-21031684-11042024

Transformation (canine) -/- growth (Crystalline)

Incident Elements:

- Animal Peril/Threat

- Metallophobia

- Body Horror

- Mentions of: Therapy, Implied Mental Breakdown

If you want to read my other Quick Thoughts you can do so here (TMAGP Quick Thoughts Archive).

[tayfabe75]

I am so glad I found this blog! I’ve been following this along since last year and to me it seems so obvious! They were sad they had to go underground in June and when that random article said they were back together I think it spooked them and they decided they needed to do something drastic to keep attention off of them until enough time passed and Taylor corrected the narrative somewhat with tortured poets. They decided on PR relationships. With gabbriette it’s obvious, she is less famous and obviously looking for clout, it’s very common for these types to hook up with someone more famous and boost their profile. He was looking for prospects and I think he tried with meredith first but it didn’t work out for some reason. She definitely signed an NDA because all she did was unfollow him when he launched with gabbriette. Gabbriette was dating another guy basically a week before she started “dating” matty. Maybe they were already on the rocks and she jumped at the opportunity. Charli probably helped identify her. 

I think they made this decision in July after that article said they were back together, whoever wrote the article had some sort of proof probably and was paid off. I bet someone they know sold them out and they were both pissed. It would explain why matty had his breakdown in July, frustrated that it had to come to this, but they both think of each other as the end game and decided it was worth it to do this for a while and then slowly roll out a reunion. Matty’s breakdown in July happened around the same time travis made that friendship bracelet comment on the podcast. Travis obviously was down to sign this relationship contract to boost his chances at getting into hollywood. So basically I think this was all new to matty and he didn’t know how to act which explains his weird social media activity and trial and error with meredith. It also explains his breakdowns on stage later because he was probably sick of it while taylor is better at hiding her true emotions from fans and she has likely done this before. Basically I think that the new album is a necessary step in a plan that will allow them to end up together and not have the public freak out as much. It is no mistake that she added so many clues for people to decipher about matty. Some people are still in denial or think she hates him because of one song, but overall there has been a shift in public perception and interest in matty aside from the controversies.

My only question is how long the contracts are???? I have been reading it’s usually a year minimum but I’m sure taylor can negotiate less, wasn’t tom h only a few months? I’m at the point now where I’m just waiting to see how long they drag this out until the breakups and how they handle it, if they stagger the breakups, how they re-launch etcetera. 

What do you think???

Hi anon! Interestingly, the man who reported that Taylor and Matty were still together last July worked for The Sun, who were the ones that broke the news of their dating back in May! In September, he also suggested that The 1975 would feature on 1989. Mysteriously, he would go on to retire in December, shortly before the "Slut!" collab leak. Convenient timing!

Though Taylor would later backdate her new relationship to July, all evidence points to September for the official launch of both her and Matty's new relationships.

It seems Taylor might have had some sort of deal with the NFL as far back as 2019 in the Lover era, and that is around the same time that Matty met his current partner, who was receiving complimentary tickets to one of his shows back then. You're right, just before Matty, she had been in a serious, longterm relationship with another guy (who is now, incestuously perhaps, dating Matty's other ex - yep, the one who came both before and after Taylor! Also, these two are the absolute most hysterical side characters in all of this). Like I said before, it's also convenient that both of these relationships are basically pre-existing fandom memes from 2020!:

As you can see, I am a bit reluctant to actually type out any names because I don't want to attract fans of those relationships. I'm not here to crash anyone's party! I just happened to witness a once-in-twenty-lifetimes kind of love and I'm just trying to make sense of everything that's transpired since. Who they end up with doesn't really concern me, though I can't help but root for their reunion because, you know, I have hearing. (Which, by the way… I cannot for the life of me understand how Taylor's fans heard the masterpiece 'About You' and would rather romanticize Taylor being a "WAG" or a "teammate's girlfriend" rather than a muse for a fellow musician who is, dare I say, on equal footing with her as a songwriter and musician! I'm stumped)

But either way, like I said - I am not in the business of villainizing any characters Matty or Taylor choose to associate with. I do believe that these are PR relationships and that both new partners have gotten plenty of opportunities since becoming the public partner for both musicians, and that's not even a bad thing! If they are meant to distract from the controversy and feed ravenous fans, then so be it. Genuinely, I'm happy for them.

I'm glad you mentioned the friendship bracelet! 'Cause sometimes I clown every now and then that the album Midnights seems almost like foreshadowing for what would transpire in Taylor's public life since it dropped! We have a 'Lavender Haze': January at the O2 love spiral, someone talking talk and going viral on Adam Friedland, 'Maroon'/SotB: Taylor falling again for someone from her past, YOYOK: Taylor accepting a friendship bracelet, next up - perhaps a declined proposal? As predicted in both 'Midnight Rain' and 'Bejeweled'…

As for contracts, anon, I'm glad you asked! Taylor's partner's publicist, Pia Malihi, is another interesting rabbit hole to fall down. She got her start in a company called Bowery Public Relations/EMCBowery (of all things) and has partnered with fellow publicist Jack Ketsoyan to launch Full Scope Public Relations. A few years ago, Jack went on record exposing fake romances he helped set up, calling them "love contracts" and that they "legally bind famous couples together for at least a year".

Now, what's interesting about the "year" estimate above is that there are three possible end dates for this contract, if indeed, that's what it is. September is when they actually launched as a couple. However, Taylor backdated this relationship to July! Strangely, as of today, the media is saying that it is Taylor's year anniversary, despite the fact she was definitely with Matty a year ago. So… perhaps we're stuck with this stunt until September. If we're lucky? July. If we're truly fortuitous, then perhaps it ends this month! Or you know, maybe never. Who's to say?

Make no mistake though, anon, no matter how hard Twitter tries to virtue signal... Taylor wants us to pay attention to her love life and public persona for some reason. Of course, my theory is that she's done playing Barbie and is ready to burn down the dollhouse.

Thanks for the ask! 🤍

[highargyle]

jason’s speech

as much as i hate the dude, i love this speech

there is an incredible amount of edward creel/lab subtext that is not talked about enough

a harmless club = the lab

the lab wants you to think that they’re just that- a lab. they won’t tell you what’s going on behind the scenes. who they truly are. they want you to think that they can be trusted

a lie designed to conceal the truth

i really don’t think i have to explain this one!!! as we know the lab lies. brenner lies. no one there tells the truth. they hide it. so secretive about everything…

even owens says something about “hiding the truth” at the lab at some point in s1 (i cant find a reference picture so i hope someone knows what i mean lolol) and if i remember correctly there’s several times where it’s been said the lab is trying to conceal the truth. i mean we all obviously know that but i’m js

i really like that choice of the word designed. that’s lab coded right there. it’s like everything was a plan from the very beginning…

so to preface on eddie, for those who don’t know, is subtext for edward creel (which eddie munson is kind of there to show us edward creel in fact is a real person especially with how lab coded eddie is) who’s name can be found in newspaper articles about the creels murder. same topic, same newspaper. different names

the first one is the correct names- virginia, alice and henry. the second two mention edward??? (which @mike4wheeler and i believe him to be henry from another dimension or his timeline twin aka vecna…read on for a better explanation…)

anyway

this cult (lab) is protecting its leader eddie (edward). hiding him

the lab/brenner obviously know about edward!!! and are working to protect him!!! brenner is the true evil behind this…

with edward being henry’s timeline twin, i believe edward took henry’s place. came to the physical plane, took henry and henry is stuck somewhere.

i believe it was edward who massacred the kids. i believe it was edward whose soteria el removed. i believe it was edward who was trying to help el escape. i believe it was edward who el pushed into the upside down.

it makes sense why “henry” was talking about himself in third person. “i knew 001 once…”

he was talking about henry! he did know henry!

he wasn’t just saying that cause he was hiding the fact he is 001 (well henry is but u catch my drift), he was saying that cause he in fact did know 001 once

we know el is equally as powerful as vecna yes? yes. i think in a different timeline edward wanted to be seen as the best in brenner’s eyes (maybe brenner can go from timeline to timeline or it’s just edward’s brenner from his timeline???) and to do so he tries to take over a whole different dimension, a whole world

romans 12:21

12!!! will??? will won’t kill vecna physically, but he will kill vecna to reveal the person inside. “kill him with kindness” essentially. “rid” this person of their evil. overcome evil with good. it’s been shown vecna can’t be killed with violence. robin threw fire at him, which is the upside downs weakness btw, nancy shot him with a sawed off shot gun and he still didn’t die. this verse just may be the way to kill vecna. with good.