#I take -10 psychological damage each time I see a new person talking about this

[ihonestlydontknowwhattocallthis]

I need to stop lookjng at the Longlegs tag cause it’s mentally scarring me each time I see another person talking about wanting to fuck Longlegs

Edit: okay quick thing I don’t mind that y’all like him it’s Nic cage for gods sake. I’m more talking about how detailed some of this stuff is.

Just not for me.

[wilted3sunflowers]

characters made for @oznitus​ dorm, ling already knows Mara but now they also get to meet the new group on the block

They all hail from The Emerald Plains 

Mara Malice Species: human Inspired by: Madam Morrible  Height: 5′7″ Age: 21 Favorite Food: salt water taffy Hated Food: Corn [popcorn is the only corn allowed]  Fun Fact: Would have been part an important family but her father ran off with his “true love” in poverty instead of just marrying who he was arranged with. Mara doesn’t know this.  Unique Magic: The Fates Design She can set the goal and things will fall into place, if its further into the future or a very hard to accomplish goal it will take a lot of magic, and even saps magic from her a bit for each day as fate gets rolling into place like she wanted. so shes not seen doing a lot of magic, especially if she has plans going on behind the scenes. Most don’t know her unique magic. 

A teachers assistant that typically while helping grade and work on other things is stationed in Oznitus. Kind of like a baby sitter but not that Crowley would say that. She’s actually earned the nickname ‘mama’ from some more ornery students. As her first year being a teachers assistant she kind of wants to put the best example forward and typically will just say white lies.

“Oh no, Trien sir, i just passed those students in the library. Are you sure that it was them you saw? Come, let’s talk this out, i’d love to help you solve this mystery” taking his arm and leading him off meanwhile the students in question hiding under her desk or throughout the room just out of sight.  Actually has grown close friends with the main Oznitus trio, especially Mika who she talks a lot more casually with and interacting more with him like a best friend especially when off the clock so to say. Gets along well with Evett and Theo too.  Mika started a joke of telling the first years to call Mara and Evett ‘Mama’ and ‘Pops’ because they can be quite the more paternal of them trying to keep everyone in line and orderly 

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Viridian Hunter Species: Human Inspired by: The gate keeper Height: 5′1″ Favorite Food: Filet Mignon Hated Food: Chocolate covered Cherries Year: 2nd Age: 18 Class: 2-D  Best Subject: Summoning Club: Light Music - he feels remiss they don’t actually practice their instruments much and a lot of it is just ‘socializing’  Fun Fact: Thinks women are amazing, it’s a common thought from the Emerald plains that the women are the more highly regarded ones. Typically better at magic than the others Though has that actually been put to the test? Where are those stats? How did they test the magic? Seems a bit of just another one of Viridian’s biases  Unique Magic: Lock and Key  He can make anything un-openable but also he can just as easily open anything he wishes with a magic formed skeleton key. He usually can’t open things enchanted though. he’s trying to see if he can though, he wants to see if he can eventually get to that level. 

Met Tsavorite while very young and actually was an orphan the family took in and while they technically adopted him it was very clear he was more of a live in friend because Tsavorite wanted him around. Playing a lot of dress up, playing fun games, telling Viridian to break some rules that were in place that usually would get Viridian so worried and wound up but bending to Tsavorites will to do as she asked and if he got caught Tsavorite would just coolly say “ I told him to.” and that was the end of the conversation. She has surprised him by saying this when he was caught once actually trying to sneak seconds in the middle of the night because he didn’t eat much that day from playing all day with Tsavorite. They sat there in the kitchen with Tsavorite eating with him after the staff made something fresh. It’s one of his most appreciated memories. 

He admires Tsavorite greatly and does anything she asks of him. To him Tsavorite can’t do wrong, he knows rules, he knows morallly that some of the things she does do....isn’t the best. But rules don’t apply to Tsavorite. He learned that one early on. 

He is more akin to a butler and handmaiden for Tsavorite, picking out outfits, getting them clean, making appointments, doing Tsavorites hair, he even bathes her as if she was a genuine princess that gets pampered. Though Berenice was the one to point out that was a bit ‘odd’ before Tsavorite hushed her and told her she could do it if she found it so ‘odd’ which had Berenice not saying another word on the matter. 

Viridian is slightly jealous of the fact Berenice seems to be the favorite, though he does sometimes wonder if it’s actual favoritism considering Berenice does get called ‘Little Kitten’ and petted often as if she was an actual pet and more closely scrutinized by Tsavorite if shes not groomed to the usual expectation and wearing what she told her to. Though he often shrugs this thought off to the back of his mind. After all he was Tsavorites doll first before Berenice came into the picture. Tsavorite cares about those close to her, even if she shows it in...odd ways. He’s sure of it. 

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Tsavorite Diona Proserpine Species: Human ( ? ) has some fae blood in her Inspired by: The Emerald City Height: 6′ 6″ Favorite Food: Green Apple slices with Caramel  Hated Food: Tapioca Pudding Year: 2nd Age: 19 Class: 2-E Best Subject: Magic Practice Club: Gargoyle research facility  Fun Fact: Doesn’t yet know how to genuinely interact with people on a personable level, even those closest to her don’t get the full her and her emotions she keeps locked tight. Kind of considers those closest to her more like pets or toys with appreciation but it feels there’s not actual thought of them as their own free willed people. She needs to work on this.  Unique Magic: Emerald Spires Creating dazzling green stone columns and working more and more each day to forming them into other shapes and see how far she can stretch them. She has successfully been able to make walls which, if you think about it, is just a horizontal column...kind of. 

Tsavorite Proserpine. A name that strikes fear into those of the Emerald Plains. Those who are smart enough to know who really runs the capital. Coming from a long family who’s said to even started the capital base of the Emerald Plains. Born with a Silver spoon in her mouth and treated more like royalty than just simply someone rich due to the power of both financials and magic prowess her and her family possesses. What Tsavorite wants, Tsavorite gets. 

She knows money and power get you everything and connections are how you strengthen keeping your station. She very much lives by the ‘Keep your enemies close’ rule but it should be no shock that Berenice and Viridian are the closest to her. While it may seem that she treats them as lackeys, those who actually have seen Tsavorite interacting with general working class staff and those who she’s not close to that Viridian and Berenice are obviously more favored by her with more ‘niceties’ given to them. 

Viridian is the one trusted fully to handle her appointments, her outfits, keeping everything organized and in place. He’s trusted enough that she knows he could never do anything of his free volition that would come at her. If something caused him to turn on her, she would no doubt know it was a fake or a spell that caused something like that to change 

Berenice she finds simply adorable, such a predator, such a beauty, Berenice has a lot of physical power but she’s just such a lap cat, its where she should be is what Tsavorite thinks of her. A powerful girl by her side, dressed looking cute how she likes. She thinks the meekness she can have is cute but finds her unique magic the most interesting aspect of her. Such contradictions in Berenice. It’s fun. She doesn’t fully trust Berenice though. Not yet. Not on Viridians level.

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Berenice Kelly Lemongrass Species: Lion beast folk Inspired by: The cowardly lion Height: 5′10″ Favorite Food: Seared Ahi Tuna Hated Food: granola bars Year: 2nd Age: 19 Class: 2-B  Best Subject: Flying skills Club: Basketball Fun Fact: doesn’t originally hail from The Emerald Plains, her family moved there when she was 12  Unique Magic: Trapped Her magic inflicts psychological damage trapping people in their minds for a short period of time with fears and horrible memories coming back to eat at them. Rarely used longer than a few minutes, if used longer the victim will pass out, if used too long...they might not be the same person they were at the start. But she hasn’t used it that long and doesn’t know what might happen. 

The supposed Bodyguard of Lady Tsavorite and while she is strong she’s just...not cut out for being that intimidating or strong willed. Often more easily curling in on herself and doing whats told of her. Lady Tsavorite personally decided she’d be her ‘bodyguard’ even if her magic is more impressive than Berenice’s and can go on much longer using it than Berenice as well. Berenice does have genuine power and strength and does her best to keep it up. 

Lady Tsavorite typically calls Berenice pet names, but immediately shuts down others who try saying any pet name to Berenice. Her favorite to use is usually “Little Kitten”. It was Lady Tsavorite who chose how she gets her hair down and expressed to her to wear those cute bows and make up as well and what Lady Tsavorite says, goes. 

Berenice thinks Viridian is the favorite, Lady Tsavorite doesn’t snap at him for his outfits or make up but then again...he’s never out of proper attire or looking ‘sloppy’ or ‘messy’ but also she wonders just how close two people can be. She’d consider them the closest people two can be platonically really that it’s almost admirable but she can’t feel at ease with Lady Tsavorites behaviors sometimes. While its nice having her head pat and ears scratched always needing to be dressed to her standards is kind of tiresome and does get her worried to being a rough around the edges as she can be sometimes as she likes to run and honestly she has a little bit of dramatic flair and has tried out for theatre. She’s quite good at getting into dramatic proses. 

[crystal-moon-101]

Generator Rex - Rewrite!

So I’ve mentioned and drawn things tied to my rewrite of Generator Rex, made between me, my friend and brother. I thought I’d give a basic timeline in what happens in this version through the notes I have, so feel free to read and see what we have to offer. I hope you enjoy what we’ve made, and feel free to ask any questions because I have probably left out many things still. Warning, this does get quite long to read, so you’ll need the time to do that, lol. I am also in the process of writing the Ben 10 Rewrite me and my brother wrote, though that is far longer so it will be a while for it come out, but let me know if you are interested in seeing it! 💙

-History-

Prior-Nanite Event

Violeta, as a child, is adopted by Abuela, raised in the small village/family she looks over.

A young teenager Black Knight, back when she went by her real name Ebony Hale, lived with her single father, who she was close to. Unfortunately, during a break-in gone wrong, he is killed by a burglar. Sadly, not enough evidence was found to convince the suspected murder, despite Ebony’s claims, mostly because of the corrupt and lazy criminal justice system. She is placed into foster care, and starts seeing all the dark sides to the world, due to troubling systems and powerful people, causing Ebony to grow this need for control and dreams of setting the world straight in her own ways.

Van Kleiss is kicked out of his home around when he turns 18, unable to live up to his parents’ expectations, doing what he can to scrape by in life, taking odd jobs and even living out on the streets a few times. He has many failed friendships or relationships of any kind, and starts to distance himself with people because of this.

Ebony jumps around studies, learning things such as law, psychology, basically anything that ties into her goal of making the world what she thinks is best suited for it.

Violeta meets Rafael Salazar during her school studies at university, the two becoming friends and eventually sparking a romantic connection. Violeta is also introduced to Rafael's long time friend Gabriel Rylander. 

A young Six is found and taken in by One, and begins his training with the other members. 

Van Kleiss is involved in a horrific accident that takes his arm. But during his recovery with a prosthetic, he meets Cassandra who is his physiotherapist, who manages to build a connection with him, the two even eventually falling in love.

Early in their marriage, Rafael and Violeta have their first son, Caesar Salazar. It would be another 13 years before they have their next one, as the family gets busy with travelling due to all the job opportunities they get.

Plans of the nanite project slowly start to become something over time.

Rex Salazar is born during the time the family is staying around Switzerland. A few others like Noah are also born around this time or closely to this year, including Circe from both Van Kleiss and Cassandra.

At the young age of five, Rex and his family are brought onto the nanite project by the suggestion of Rylander.

Van Kleiss’s wife, Cassandra, unfortunately, contracts an untreatable disease and passes away. This is the start of Van Kleiss building up his walls once more, but he tries to ignore his guilt and grief for the sake of himself and his daughter. 

After doing his best to hold his life together and finishing up his schooling, Van Kleiss ends up joining the nanite project in honour of his wife. He has many strained relationships with his co-workers due to misguided judgement on both sides, even gaining quite the rivalry with Caesar. However, he and Circe end up befriending Rex, and Van Kleiss somehow ends up babysitting the two quite often.

Meanwhile, a young girl named Emiri (Breach), is adopted into a family, even gaining a younger sister named Mary.

New main nanites are made for the project. The first being the Alpha Nanite, which is the leading nanite that can control them all, used mostly to keep them under control or pass out orders or new updates. The other is the Omega, which can control a selected group of nanites that are nearby, but it is also the key to using the Alpha, as only those who have access to the Omega can have access to the Alpha. The Omega is mostly used for maintenance and testing, perhaps to select out nanites that need fixing or to make the Alpha do something. 

Unfortunately, Rex and Circe sneak away at one point when Van Kleiss is distracted, keen to play hide and seek. Rex ends up finding himself in a nanite room with the Omega, and after messing around with his soccer ball, get caught in a lab accident. Heavy damage if done to his body, and the nanites in the room were broken out of containment and were altered by the lab damage in some ways, finding themselves in Rex. When the others finally got him out of the room and into the medical centre, a decision was made to keep the nanites in Rex, and have the Omega help in his recovery, making him the first patient to be using the nanites. He survives but with...unusual side effects, giving him technological powers that let him control tech around him, and even understand and talk to it, including the nanites. This also drives a wedge between the Salazars and Kleiss family, so whatever peaceful grounds were forming them are gone, even if Rex still tries to remain friends with Van Kleiss and Circe.

Eventually, a new member joins as an assistant, Ebony Hale. She mostly takes care of the minor things, and even ends up becoming the new person to watch over Rex, and the two do form a friendly dynamic with each other. However, what the scientists don’t know is that Ebony is really a spy for the Consortium, their main benefactor, as they wanna keep an eye on how the project is going.

Rebecca Holiday, a young and wild college student, learns that her parents died in an accident, and ends up having to take care of her younger sister, while studying. She calms down in her wild ways, and pushes through so much for her sister and herself. 

After a while, it is eventually figured out that one, there is a spy among them and they don’t know who, and second, the Consortium actually plan to be in the ones in charge of the nanites, including the Omega and Alpha, as that would give them a lot of control over the world. Given they are greedy rich businessmen. With this learned, the series of events that lead to the nanite event begins to unfold.

Nanite Event

The scientist begins to debate what to do about the project. One section of the team suggests they simply destroy everything to do with the project, deeming it too dangerous for anyone like the Consortium to get their hands on, people like Peter Meechum and Rex’s parents agreeing to this. Another section of the team suggests finding away to remove the Consortium from the plan and get another benefactor, just being careful with the project as there is too much to just throw away, people like Rylander and Van Kleiss agreeing to this. And one other section of the team didn’t really care if the Consortium did get their hands on it, as this was what they were paying to do, Caesar actually being in this group (He was often too absorbed in his work, which made him narrow-sighted unfortunately.). After much debate, it was eventually settled to just end the project.

However, Ebony caught wind of this, and informed the Consortium. Wanting to save the project, they hired arm soldiers to...clean up the members of the project, planning to replace them all with a new team eventually. But Ebony secretly did not agree with this, as she has been doing her best to play both sides, given she had her own plans for the nanite project. Plus, she will admit that she had formed some quite nice relationships with members of the project, so she ended up quietly tipping them off to the up-coming assault anonymously. 

The day comes when chaos comes. Some members had already fled, like Rylander and Meechum, who wanted to find their families and vanish. The rest stayed behind to begin destroying all of their work, even Caesar who, while not agreeing with it, helped out in the end. But when armed soldiers started coming in, killing scientists, time was running out fast. 

It became apparent they didn’t have time to destroy the Alpha or the Omega, not with the resources they had. So a plan was devised that someone would take the Omega and flee, as without it the Alpha was mostly useless on its own. But the plan ended with giving Rex the Omega, as his connection to tech and the nanites meant he could hide it in him longer than anyone else could, and would head to the docking bay where Caesar would meet up with him to fly out. It was quite a harsh debate, wondering if it was a good idea to put Rex through this, even his parents hated to do this, but they couldn’t risk letting the world being controlled by these people. Van Kleiss and Circe were originally going to accompany Rex to the docking bay, as they had been planning to up and leave too, but a surprise attack from the soldiers caused everyone to split, including Rex with the Omega.

Distressed from everything, Rex finds himself stumbling his way around, unable to focus properly due to everything going on around him, and the effects of the Omega being inside him. He does run into a group of soldiers at one point, but he is let go by them when Ebony appears. The soldiers knew she was the spy and working with them, so when she ordered them to just let the kid by, not knowing what he was hiding, they let Rex go. Ebony supposes she did owe Rex after everything going on…

Van Kleiss and Rex’s parents get into an argument about all that happened, especially with how they involved Rex in everything and how this project went in the end. Van Kleiss leaves the room with his daughter, planning to run, when he is confronted by soldiers, who demand he open the door to where the Salazars were, or else they would kill him and his daughter. Van Kleiss ends up agreeing, despite how hard it was, and ends up letting them kill Rex’s parents as he tries to shelter Circe from everything. 

Caesar finds his way to the docking bay where his ship/mobile lab is, but sees no signs of his little brother. He looks around and sees and hears everything the Consortium has done to his home, work, friends and family...It makes him feel guilty and hurt for being so narrow-sighted, for actually thinking it was ok to let these people have control over the times. He wants to go back in to find his family, his brother, but he realises that with everything going on, the lab is about to explode. Due to all the gunfire, violence, scientists messing with machines and computers, and even Rex’s stress affecting the Omega which affects the nanites around him, everything was about to burst. With a heavy heart, Caesar flies off just as the labs explode, creating the nanite event. 

Some others managed to escape just before everything went off, including Ebony and some soldiers, but most others don’t survive. However...some were protected by nanites that infected them, as they begin to spread across the globe. Rex also survives thanks to his nanites and the Omega, but all the trauma and stress results in him losing his memories, as he couldn’t handle it, with the nanites wanting to erase it all as a means to ‘help’ Rex cope, in a way…

The mysterious nanite event in history has been marked down….

Post-Nanite Event

The entire world, of course, falls into a panic when people randomly begin turning into monsters after an unknown explosion occurred, the source of the mutations discovered to be tiny machines called nanites. Governments are quick to try and calm the public, and begin starting research on how to stop the nanites and cure those turning into creatures. But fear starts to take control of the world pretty quickly.

Broken from what happened, the small surviving members of the nanite project split off from each other. Peter Meechum returns to family life with his daughter, Rylander tries to confront the Consortium but ends up going on the run from them, having to abandoned his family to keep them safe, and Caesar goes into hiding, in despair over all that he’s lost, believing his parents and Rex to be dead. He isolates himself from the world, working on personal projects to distract himself over the years. 

Meanwhile, in Abysus, Van Kleiss discovers his connection to the lands and learns what the nanites are doing to the world. After everything he’s gone through in life, he starts to grow this odd idea that this is the next step in humanity, that it’s time to start fresh and starts his plans on making the entire world creatures like him. Slowly, he builds Abysus into a haven for those who have turned and are still sane, or are sane enough, Abysus turning into this strange yet beautiful overgrown jungle-like place. Circe stands by her father’s side, as he’s all she has left, even if, at times she grows doubtful of who her father is becoming.

Rex, however, wanders out of Abysus sometime after the nanite event, with no memories of what happened. He blacks in and out for the first few weeks, losing his memories over and over again due to the trauma of everything, his body and mind weak but slowly start to recover. But, every time he’s evolved in something highly dangerous he can’t handle, or is close to death, his nanites kick in and take control, kicking him alive until they find somewhere safe to change him back, but this results in him losing his memories again. The Omega, still inside him, slowly begins to evolve and connect with Rex in a deep way that does not notice for a long while, unaware of what’s inside him.

After a few months, Rex somehow finds himself in Hong Kong, first meeting and befriending Tuck. Tuck used to live with his father in an auto shop, but after some bad run-ins with some gangs, his father is killed and Tucks ran out onto the streets, eventually turning EVO. The two of them are picked up by Quarry, who has been making EVO gangs and sees potential in the two, especially Rex. Their team begins to grow when running into ‘Chen Tsui’, who they end up calling Cricket. She uses to be from quite a rich family, that sadly had high expectations for their image, and kicked Cricket out of their home when she turned EVO. Then they run into John Scarecrow, who had quite the sucky life before due to neglectful parents and bullying issues, and eventually ran away from home before turning EVO. Rex and Scarecrow end up butting heads alot. Finally, their last member is Walter Martin, who ends up getting the nickname Skywdd. His parents died when he was very young, and so he was raised by his loving grandmother, even when he turned EVO. However, she passed away one night and while Skywdd called to have the body removed and buried properly, he ran before anyone came as he knew him being EVO would cause problems. The five of them become quite the trouble-making team.

Meanwhile, Emiri’s family undergo many issues when their hometown is invaded by EVOs, the main one being an overgrowth of plants. Sadly, her adopted parents are killed, while she ends up turning EVO, her mind and memory becoming iffy, broken, now having powerful portal powers. She and her adopted sister, Mary, end up fleeing and have to survive on their own, Emiri soon going by the name Breach due to not properly remembering who she once was.

Governments around the world begin to put money towards creating a group called Providence, an anti-EVO force that not only removes and capture dangerous EVOs, but also research on finding a cure. The Consortium become key benefactors towards Providence, with no one knowing their true involvement with the nanites past. 

After her sister turns EVO, Holiday convinces them not to kill Beverly by helping and working at Providence, eventually working her way up to become the assistant to their leading scientist Doctor Fell, even if she doesn’t agree to their methods of research.

After some time, Rex starts to drift from his friends in Hong Kong, feeling this longing to be somewhere, to find out who he really is. He tosses around the idea, but after finding some clues that point him in the direction of America, Rex decides to hand over his leadership to Quarry. He hates to leave his friends behind, but due to some emotional manipulation from Quarry and Scarecrow, Rex truly believed it was the best thing for his friends, and that Quarry would protect them. But after he vanishes, Scarecrow pretends to be him for a voice recording, planning to blackmail him if he were to ever return.

The Six’s mostly tried not to get involved with the whole world burning due to the nanite event, but things take a turn when One turns EVO. The group splits, either continuing their mercenary lives, or to find One help. Six ends up joining Providence, after his old friend, Robinson White, convinces him to join the cause, especially when he mentions they’re looking for a cause. Six used to be one who didn’t care much about the life of others, he will admit, but after what happened to one and now actively helping people around the world...he does start to question how this war is affecting people, especially with them killing EVOs who use to be normal people.

While working at Providence, he ends up running into Holiday fairly soon. She catches his interest due to her speaking up about finding another way to look for a cure, even if Dr.Fell and White put her down. Six ends up agreeing with her, to her surprise, and a silent partnership begins to form between the two as they make plans to try something new. They just need something to work in their favour…

Then, one day, they are called to flush out a bunch of EVOs in a ruined city. Things are going normal for them, as normal as they can be, when reports of a mechanical EVO is seen running around, something that looks like a person wearing a parasitic robotic suit. Wild and dangerous. When the EVO shows itself, Holiday and Six are quick to realise that underneath the mutations, there is a young boy. They urge Providence not to attack him, but a twitchy soldier causes a fight to break out and the group is forced to split, with Six guiding Holiday away from the fight. But the two end up running into the strange tech EVO, though after some peaceful gestures, they actually get him to calm down, only for him to turn back into a young boy. Confused of course, they decide to try and take him back to Providence, only for them to learn three things. One, he has no memories beyond knowing his name, second, he is still EVO, and third, he can cure EVOs after saving Six from one.

Holiday and Six decide to keep him a secret for now, not trusting White and Dr.Fell with Rex. They plan to later move him somewhere safe, and for the next few days do their best to hide what Rex is, using the excuse of Holiday looking after him until he can maybe recover some memories.

Rex becomes a bit of a handful, due to his powers sometimes affecting the tech around him, befriending an EVO chimp called Bobo, and even getting scared when learning that Dr.Fell dissects and kills EVOs. However, despite how hard they tried, White does eventually learn what Rex is. White and Fell try to do to Rex what they’ve done to all the other EVOs, but a fight breaks out between them with Six and Holiday. After a brutal fight, it ends with White saving Six, him getting bleached with Nanites, but narrowly saved by Rex.

With the discovery of Rex becoming more open to their benefactors and governments, things change up in Providence. Holiday becomes the new leading scientist, Six becomes Rex’s mentor and partner, Dr.Fell is fired and White becomes the new leader of Providence due to being the one person who can’t turn EVO, now going by the name White Knight.

Meanwhile, the Consortium, knowing Rex’s old ties to the nanite event and where Providence is heading, decide to call in their old Spy, Ebony, to join Providence to keep an eye on things in the background. She agrees, them not knowing that she too is making her own plans when see where Providence is going.

Meanwhile, Abysus has grown to be quite the EVO community, many EVOs seeking refuge with Van Kleiss after he offered them shelter. His main group by his side is called The Pack, which consists of him, Biowulf, Skalamander, Breach and his daughter Circe. And yet, despite how pleased he is seeing his Kingdom grow, seeing the good he has provided for the outcasts like him, he still acts distant, not wanting to build up any more personal connections due to his bad history with them...Circe being the only person close enough to him, and yet even that is cracking. 

Found at the age 13, Rex begins to train for the next 3 years in secret from the public eye, becoming Providence’s secret weapon.

-Generator Rex Series-

Season 1

After training for 3 years, Rex ends up introducing himself to the world after a quite large EVO invades a town. Word spreads quickly through the media when learning what Providence has been hiding, and the reception is quite mixed. Some finally glad there is a somewhat cure and help, some terrified for hating the idea of having an EVO help, some thinking this will go down hill quickly, and some merely standing by to see what will happen. 

Rex has, unfortunately, become a bit of a rebel, as he is tired for hiding away all the time, curious about teenage life styles and wanting to feel more human. He does, after all, want to learn about his past and who he is. This results in him wandering off after a mission at one point, and running into a boy named Noah Nixon, the two bonding over some basketball, mostly because Noah didn’t know who Rex really was. Not until Six came to pick him up. However, this does cause White to take notice of Noah, seeing how he managed to get Rex to stay still for once, and reaches out an offer to help keep Rex in line, saying Noah will receive payment and help in the war. Noah ends up agreeing.

Word reaches out to Van Kleiss eventually, and he is surprised to learn that Rex is alive. He decides quickly that it would be a good idea to get Rex to join Abysus, as not only is he an EVO like them that suffers from negative gazes and comments from the general public, but also because he would be useful due to his EVO powers, Van Kleiss knowing he has the Omega in him. But there are hints that a part of Van Kleiss may or may not still care about Rex, but he mostly denies this. Other EVOs in Abysus are also eager to have him join, wanting to welcome their new members. So The Pack, minus Circe, does eventually snatch him away and offer him a chance to join Abysus, and Rex does get tempted, especially when Van Kleiss reveals he knows who Rex once was, but turns away when learning that Van Kleiss wishes to turn everyone EVO and fleds. Van Kleiss realises he’s gonna have to start pushing it if he’s going to get Rex to join.

However, a lot of what Van Kleiss and the other EVOs said does get to Rex, who starts butting heads with Providence more, especially after learning that his friend, Noah, was a spy for them all this time. While he and Noah do make up eventually, it’ll take some time before Rex starts to trust Providence again, especially with him and White often arguing at each other. Really, it’s mostly thanks to Six and Holiday that Rex hasn’t up and ditched Providence yet.

Circe does eventually run into Rex again, flabbergasted by the fact her childhood best friend his alive, and does yell at her father for not saying anything sooner. However, he convinces her to not tell Rex anything about the past, telling her they need him on their side and they must do what they can, even if they have to be harsh about it. Still caring for her father, and not having a backbone for herself, she does agree to help with him, often trying to convince Rex to join as she does feel like the world is unfair to EVOs like him, her and the others, but Rex often pulls away from her and instead tries to convince her to leave Abysus, noting that while Van Kleiss may think he’s doing the right thing, he’s clearly pushing everyone away out of fear, including his own daughter.

Rex also develops a secret friendship with Breach, after some mishaps of her kidnapping him, then the two of them saving each other at separate times, and Rex connecting with her when seeing there is more to Breach than a broken person.

Still being a spy unknown to Providence, Ebony starts pulling her strings her own way in secret, even anonymously reaching out to Van Kleiss to be a spy for him, doing her best to play all sides. 

Rex runs into his old Hong Kong friends, reconnecting with them and trying to help them deal with Quarry. There is an issue that splits him and the others when Quarry tells them Rex was the one to ditch, along with playing the voice recording. But Rex eventually comes back to help them, while also learning that Scarecrow tried setting him up, mostly because Scarecrow thought it was unfair that Rex gets to forget everything bad he’s done or gone through, and gets to ditch everyone behind to get what he wants. Eventually, Quarry is captured, while Scarecrow runs off, and Rex and his friends reconnecting once more.

Eventually, Rylander is found, still having been running from the Consortium all this time. However, he’s not quite himself, under a lot of stress after what happened, and doesn’t tell much to Rex before he’s killed by mistake during a brief scuffle with Van Kleiss. However, Rex does know that he does have family out there, even a brother.

Eventually, Van Kleiss does strike Providence directly, and manages to swipe many of Rex’s own nanites, that not only improve his powers and keep his nanites stable, no longer dying when out of Abysus, but he also gains the power to turn people EVO. However, something happens to Rex with his small amount of remaining nanites, as if he’s body is under some kind of stress. It’s revealed that the Omega is inside him, and has upgraded his powers to defend him and fill him back up with his nanites, helping him win the day. Though Providence does need to go under some repairs. 

Season 2

Rex has become quite well-known by now, his public image not so great due to people’s fears towards EVOs, and people like Hunter Cain causing some uprising. So whenever Rex does hang out with Noah, he wears a ‘civilian’ outfit that Noah, Claire and Annie picked out for him. 

Meanwhile, Caesar, who has still been in hiding to this day, finally catches wind that his brother is alive, along with the Omega still being with him (Caesar hadn’t really been paying much attention to the news up until now.). He runs into Providence, finds his brother, and does try to leave, though Rex convinces him to just stay at Providence. Rex is excited to finally have family back and some connection to his past but...his brother wasn’t exactly what he was expecting, as Caesar, as much as his loves his family, does seem to often put his work first without realising it, and is more keen to create something to prove he can do it, rather than how it can benefit people or the consequences of it. But, he does try to connect with his little brother, even if it’s hard for the both of them. 

Rex’s EVOs powers start to develop more, in a noticeable way. Not only is he getting new builds, but his connection to nanites and tech become something more, even starting to get strange dreams from the nanites, as if they’re trying to warn him or tell him something. He is mostly use to this way of life, though it is strange for an outsider to see.

With Caesar back, Rex starts to get hints about the past, and not the good parts of it. This mostly comes from Caesar’s one off comments, but he’s mostly keeping things a secret for some reason, while Van Kleiss gives him hints and clues, even stating things for Rex that what happened in the past wasn’t happy, and that Rex’s dreams to have the family he wished for isn’t going to be what he wanted, especially since Caesar struggles with connecting and family life. It seems Caesar doesn’t want to tell Rex much, for fear of them growing more distant if Rex were to learn the truth about how distant and busy their family used to be in the past, especially between the two brothers, and exactly what went down to create the nanite event. 

Tired of waiting, Rex does start to call out people like Caesar and Van Kleiss here and there more often than he did before, and even starts snooping at times to find his own answers, but he doesn’t seem to dig up much.

Eventually, things come to a head between Providence and Abysus when Rex finally convinces Breach to leave the Pack, after seeing how harsher Van Kleiss has become, the man getting frustrated that things aren’t working out (Along with secretly trying harder to push away people he starting to get attached too). After a fight, including a point where Breach snaps and her powers go highwire, Rex manages to calm her and eventually Van Kleiss gives up and lets her go, calling her a traitor, becoming more aggressive due to his lack of control, along with parts of him not wanting to let go. 

Circe follows soon after, finally unable to take anymore of what her father is doing, leaving her for own sake, even if it’s hard for the both of them. Rex does his best to support her, and eventually takes her to live with the Hong Kong Gang, knowing they can help her and give her a home she deserves. 

After losing two key members of his team, Van Kleiss ends up recruiting Scarecrow to join The Pack, using the man’s shapeshifting ability to help him out many times. Van Kleiss is also becoming more desperate to reach his goal, becoming more snappy towards everyone, especially to those who try to reach out. Rex does call him out on this many times, but Van Kleiss just pushes him away in the end.

Eventually, Van Kleiss decides to take proper action, heading to purgatory, where Rex normally offloads his nanites. He activates them and plans to create another nanite event, one that will turn the majority of the world in EVOs this time, given there aren’t enough nanites there to change the entire world, but he was planning to deal with the rest later. The Pack and Abysus members protect him as he begins his plans, and by the time Providence can reach him, he’s already started the meltdown that can’t be stopped. But Rex decides to try something, planning to enter Purgatory and connect with the shield system, going to make it cover the entire building to contain the explosion, and hopefully if his nanites protect him, he will then proceed to shut down every single nanite that is let loss in the shield, even if it takes him weeks, months of even years to do stop, maybe even dying in the process. Of course, everyone tries to change his mind, not wanting to lose him, but they know it might be the only way. Rex does succeed in stopping another nanite event from happening, trapping him, the nanites and Van Kleiss, as he begins to shut down each nanite.

Season 3

Six months end up going by when Rex finally finishes, shutting down the shield with no more wild active nanites that could cause any harm to be set onto the world. He is quickly greeted by Providence soldiers who had been waiting at the sight, taking him and Van Kleiss to Providence. Van Kleiss is taken somewhere else, while Rex is taken to White Knight’s room, learning how long he’s been gone. However, he learns that someone else is in charge now, Ebony Hale, who now goes by Black Knight, who happily greets Rex back to Providence. There she explains that White Knight went rogue, while people like Six and Holiday left after losing Rex, and they don’t know where they’ve gone. Caesar and seemingly Bobo are still around, and Black Knight convinces Rex to take his old job back.

While working at the new Providence, Rex starts to learn a few things, including a little more about the original nanite project. Black Knight even shows him something they found while he was away, the Alpha nanite, which had been damaged during the nanite event, sending out signals that were causing the random mutations. It is in the process of being repaired, but they need the Omega to finally stop the mutation order and fix it completely soon. Something feels off to Rex, and he assumes right when Black Knight and Caesar suddenly turn on him, saying they just want to remove the Omega from him, but Rex doesn’t trust them, knowing something is wrong. A scuffle breaks out, and when Rex is knocked out, he is unknowingly saved by Six and Holiday, learning also that the Bobo at Providence is a fake and spy for them. 

Six, Holiday, Bobo and White update Rex on a few things that happened. They explained to him that the Consortium took control of Providence, claiming they failed too many times, putting Black Knight in charge. However, they learn what they’re really after is full control over the Alpha and all nanites in the world, and there are rumors of a project called ‘The Meta Nanites’ going around, though they don’t exactly know what they are. For now, Rex finds that him and his group have to be on the run and in hiding for a while now. He also learns that Providence is now mind controlling EVOs, presenting it as something good to the public, when really it’s something horrible in reality, hunting down any and all EVOs they find. 

Rex starts running into old friends and people, learning how things have changed. Circe and the Hong Kong Gang are on the run from Providence. Noah has to be careful as Black Knight knows of his connection towards Rex. Abysus is now run by Biowulf, who still had faith in what Van Kleiss built for them. Members of the old nanite project are being tracked down, along with any blueprints and info that could help fix the Alpha. Breach hopping around the place, helping EVOs get to Abysus where they can be safe from Providence. All a mess really, with Rex being the centre of it all due to him having the Omega.

Tensions are high between Rex and Caesar, as Rex is convinced that Caesar is helping them because he wants too, like in the past where he didn’t really care who had the nanites as long as he got to do the project. Caesar tries to explain things, but is still distance and lying, not telling the whole truth still.

Meanwhile, Van Kleiss refuses to help Black Knight or the Consortium, but after the fight in Abysus, they catch Circe, and use her as leverage to get Van Kleiss to help.

There is a brief time where Providence catches Rex, having Caesar make the Omega talk to them through Rex, planning to remove it from him with simple voice commands. But to everyone’s surprise the Omega has evolved quite a bit since they last saw it, the piece of tech deeply connected to Rex to the point it seems to only follow his command, wishing to protect “The Catalyst”, and is unable to be controlled by any member of the original project, taking control of Rex and helping him escape (With subtle help from both Van Kleiss and Rylander). 

The Consortium starts getting more involved personally, much to Black Knight's annoyance, but she still puts on a front to keep playing them and everyone else.

Eventually it is discovered that The Meta Nanite project is really just creating five different Omegas, so that each Consortium member can have one to control the Alpha and all nanites in the world. This is the main reason they keep trying to take the Omega from Rex, in hopes to clone it. 

After a partially bad battle, the Consortium and Black Knight eventually confront Rex, pushing him too far physically and emotionally which results in Rex accidently turning them EVO. The Consortium turned into a hybrid monster and Black Knight turning into an EVO that can turn solid and into a liquid form. Narrowly, Rex manages to escape, while Black Knight gets the Consortium under control, ‘promising’ them that they can be cured eventually. 

Things reach to a head when the final battle takes place, everyone aiming to get to the Alpha and taking the Omega first. Unfortunately, Black Knight and Consortium’s new forms provide an issue, especially when they also used mind control EVOs. However, Caesar ends up mildly sabotaging them, managing to free half of the EVOs before he is caught by Black Knight. He reveals he’s been playing them, as there was no way he was actually planning on helping the people who killed his family. Black Knight too reveals that she doesn’t want to help them either, instead was helping herself the entire time, and takes control of the operation and throws Caesar away.

Because half of the EVOs were freed, Van Kleiss joins the battle with any members of Abysus around, still wanting to create the EVO paradise they all wish for. This results in the fight being four ways, Abysus’s side, Providence’s side, the Consortium Side, and Black Knight’s side. Rex is caught in the middle of it, but after much growth with his nanites, he allows himself to go full EVO, even at risk of losing all his memories. The fight reaches the point where Rex, Black Knight, Van Kleiss, White Knight and the Consortium reaching the Alpha, all of them realising that Rex has full control of the situation and it’s his choice to make, each leader prompting him to follow their goals. After a long debate, Rex reaches for the Alpha and fixes it, now able to take full command over all nanites in the world. But instead of curing everything, turning everything, or mind controlling everyone, he merely stops the process of any new mutations from happening, though does cure people like Black Knight and the Consortium so they don’t become a problem again. Rex knows that he can’t make a sudden massive decision that will do something bad to the world, even curing it would create unwanted side effects. Instead, he wants to take the time to use the Alpha to cure/fix what needs to be fixed, but in a safe and slow manner. After all, what the nanites did to the world is not going to be an easy fix, and sadly some things are going to stay.

Black Knight and the Consortium are arrested, while Van Kleiss and members of Abysus flee back home, needing to make plans but...maybe willing to listen if Providence wants to make a deal. The Alpha is handed to Providence, with White Knight taking back charge, and begin making plans on how to set the world back to normal, or as normal as it can be, Rex still being the one to hold the Omega and able to control the Alpha. 

While not perfect, Caesar and Rex begin to try and patch things up, deciding it might be time to actually start being a family, though with people like Six, Holiday and Bobo also involved (And Six and Holiday would totally be dating at this point). 

Rex also reaches out to Van Kleiss, with the help of Circe who wants to reconnect with her dad, and while things aren’t good between any of them, there are hints it could be better in the future.

[cinemavariety]

The Director’s Series: Paul Thomas Anderson

The director series will consist of me concentrating on the filmography of all my favorite directors. I will rank each of their films according to my personal taste. I hope this project will provide everyone with quality recommendations and insight into films that they might not have known about. Today’s director in spotlight is Paul Thomas Anderson

#8 - Hard Eight (1998) Runtime: 1 hr 42 min     Aspect Ratio: 2.39 : 1             Film Format: 35mm

John has lost all his money. He sits outside a diner in the desert when Sydney happens along, buys him coffee, then takes him to Reno and shows him how to get a free room without losing much money. Under Sydney's fatherly tutelage, John becomes a successful small-time professional gambler, and all is well, until he falls for Clementine, a cocktail waitress and sometimes hooker. 

Verdict: One of the most impressive feature film debuts ever blessed to American cinema. Paul Thomas Anderson was only 25 years old when he broke into the scene and directed this (almost three years younger than me now, how depressing). While it is consistently thrilling and entertaining, Hard Eight oftentimes wears its influences on its sleeve too much. You can see how much inspiration Paul got from Tarantino with this film and it’s one of the 90s best independent movies. The star studded cast doesn’t hurt either.

#7 - Phantom Thread (2017) Runtime: 2 hr 10 min Aspect Ratio: 1.85 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

Renowned British dressmaker Reynolds Woodcock comes across Alma, a young, strong-willed woman, who soon becomes a fixture in his life as his muse and lover. Verdict: It’s safe to say that Phantom Thread is PTA’s most lavish and decadent film. It feels like a piece of ancient Hollywood golden-era cinema brought back to life. Johnny Greenwood’s orchestral score is the best sound work he’s ever done, it sweeps you off your feet when it goes along with Anderson’s signature arresting imagery. I’m in the minority who places this near the bottom of Anderson’s filmography, simply because Daniel Day Lewis’s character is so insufferable that it was hard for me to empathize in many ways. It still manages to be one of the most beautiful pieces of modern cinema.

#6 - Inherent Vice (2014) Runtime: 2 hr 28 min Aspect Ratio: 1.85 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

In Los Angeles at the turn of the 1970s, drug-fueled detective Larry “Doc” Sportello investigates the disappearance of an ex-girlfriend. 

Verdict: Inherent Vice is Paul Thomas Anderson’s most underrated gem. I’ll admit, when I first saw this film, I didn’t really dig it that much and immediately cast it aside as his weakest effort. However, after some maturity, a few more viewings, and also not 100% adoring Phantom Thread, I have developed an immense appreciation for this nonsensical Thomas Pynchon adaptation. Pynchon as a writer is known as being basically unadaptable, but PTA revels in the absurdity of the film’s labyrinth of a plot. It also brings PTA back to his former glory days of ensemble casts and stoner drug fueled mayhem.

#5 - Punch-Drunk Love (2002) Runtime: 1 hr 35 min Aspect Ratio: 2.39 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

A psychologically troubled novelty supplier is nudged towards a romance with an English woman, all the while being extorted by a phone-sex line run by a crooked mattress salesman, and purchasing stunning amounts of pudding.  

Verdict: Punch-Drunk Love plays out like a symphony of color, texture, and absolutely off-putting social interactions. I understand that Adam Sandler had his comeback last year with Uncut Gems, but this film is actually without a doubt the best performance he’s ever pulled off. And I credit that largely in part to the brilliance of Paul who was working behind him. It’s what I would say one of the most unconventional romantic comedies of all time. It’s nerve wracking, a little sad, super awkward - but also somehow manages to be endearing as well. The percussion heavy score brings manic energy to the whole film. Punch-Drunk Love is also a powerful statement on loneliness, unchecked mental illness, and the power of human connection.

#4 - Boogie Nights (1997) Runtime: 2 hr 35 min Aspect Ratio: 2.39 : 1 & 1.66 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

Adult film director Jack Horner is always on the lookout for new talent and it's only by chance that he meets Eddie Adams who is working as a busboy in a restaurant. Eddie is young, good looking and plenty of libido to spare. Using the screen name Dirk Diggler, he quickly rises to the top of his industry winning awards year after year. Drugs and ego however come between Dirk and those around him and he soon finds that fame is fleeting. 

Verdict: How this film possibly came from a director who is my age now is almost hard to believe. Boogie Nights is one of the quintessential 90s films. It has one of PTA’s best ensemble casts. Anderson’s sophomore effort was a result of the auteur finding his footing and his directorial voice that went on to enthrall audiences over several decades. PTA’s early visual motifs were lengthy and expertly choreographed tracking shots. Please refer to the scenes in the disco as well as the pool party scene pictured above for some of the best camera operation every committed to celluloid. Boogie Nights could possibly be hailed as PTA’s most consistently entertaining and audience friendly works. It’s a great story of the rise and fall of stardom.

#3 - There Will Be Blood (2007) Runtime: 2 hr 38 min Aspect Ratio: 2.39 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

A story of family, religion, hatred, oil and madness, focusing on a turn-of-the-century prospector in the early days of the business. 

Verdict: Most critics and audiences would agree that There Will Be Blood is the director’s most impressive masterpiece (but who’s counting?). On a storytelling and technical level, I do have to agree that this is probably Paul Thomas Anderson’s best achievement, even if it isn’t exactly my personal favorite. This is the film where PTA really matured with his directorial vision. He abandoned a lot of his earlier flashy work with large casts and a constantly moving camera for something more grounded and more of a character study. There Will be Blood is the story of America in many ways. It’s the story of Capitalism. And how this system leads to so much bloodshed, greed, and hatred as man and man compete to have the most and be the best. This movie will surely stand the test of time and is a shining example of how groundbreaking modern American cinema can be.

#2 - Magnolia (1999) Runtime: 3 hr 8 min Aspect Ratio: 2.39 : 1 Film Format: 35mm

An epic mosaic of interrelated characters in search of love, forgiveness, and meaning in the San Fernando Valley.

Verdict: Paul Thomas Anderson’s third film found the director taking everything he had learned on his previous two, and expanding on that knowledge and developing more layers to his characters who have never felt so fully realized. Magnolia is the director’s magnum opus. It is epic in its length - clocking in at a little over three hours, making it his longest film by far. It is ambitious in its storytelling approach. Many films utilize the style of a variety of seemingly unrelated characters who connect to each other, oftentimes in a synchronistic fashion as they go about the trials and tribulations of their lives. However Magnolia is one of the few that did it first, did it the best, and set the bar for all of the subpar imitations that would soon follow. It’s also profoundly beautiful in the statements that PTA was trying to make. Paul, just barely 30 years old at the time when this was released, most definitely had an emotional and intellectual maturity that is rarely seen within a director of that age range. Magnolia is about redemption, loss, forgiveness, love, and trying to keep your head above water as frogs rain down on your head.

#1 - The Master (2012) Runtime: 2 hr 18 min Aspect Ratio: 1.85 : 1 Film Format: 35mm & 70mm

Freddie, a volatile, heavy-drinking veteran who suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, finds some semblance of a family when he stumbles onto the ship of Lancaster Dodd, the charismatic leader of a new “religion” he forms after World War II. 

Verdict: I’ve always been drawn to films about cults. Something about social behavior and social roles within a cult organization is a really interesting study on a sociological, psychological and anthropological level. The Master takes the cult formula and turns it on its head in many ways, never once foraying into the territory of exploitation or tropes. It instead takes a wholly original approach to the story. I mean, it is Paul Thomas Anderson that we’re talking about here. Joaquin Phoenix delivers his most unhinged, and certainly his most impressive, performance of his career as a mentally damaged alcoholic war veteran with pretty severe PTSD. The Master is also in many ways the story of the founding father of Scientology - L. Ron Hubbard. However, let’s just say it is a Scientology movie “in disguise” as no real historical names are ever spoke, the word “Scientology” is never uttered once, and even the director himself refuses to admit that’s what it is about (I mean who can blame him? He once had to work with Tom Cruise). It is one of the most fascinating character studies I’ve ever seen. Not to mention, it is PTA’s most beautifully shot film in my opinion and Johnny Greenwood’s musical contributions to the score elevate this film to ultimate masterpiece status. By the end, I felt like I had just undergone a transcendent experience of sorts. I hope one day PTA can make a film that “wows” me ever more than this one does.

[timetocode]

The Peeker’s Compromise: A Fair(er) Netcode Model

Many first person shooters are plagued by a netcode artifact known as the peeker’s advantage. I propose here a technique for correcting this bug, based around normalizing gameplay in such a way that human reflexes and skill decide the outcome of competition (as opposed to network latency or artifacts of varying netcode designs, discussed shortly).

When a player in a first person shooter is moving around the game world they exist in a position on their own game client that is slightly ahead of their position on the server. This is a solution/side-effect of clientside prediction which is ubiquitously used in first person shooters giving the player instantaneous movement and controls that feel like a single player game despite controlling a character that is moving around on a remote server. 

If we were to visualize the difference between the clientside player position and the serverside player position it would look like two characters chasing each other. How far apart the two characters are depends (in descending order of usual importance) on how fast movement is in the game, the latency of the player, and the tickrate of the server. But how big are these differences in the actual games of the current era? Are the two states of characters practically overlapping? Or is one several meters behind the other? The answer -- which varies by game and by internet connection -- is that the desynchronization between these two positions is significant. Over amazing internet connections in games with slow moving characters the desynchronization is usually on the order of 1 player length. So imagine any fps game character (valorant, cs:go, apex, overwatch, fortnite, cod, etc) -- and then imagine them creeping or walking around slowly. In this scenario the desync between the two states is such that one could picture the character being followed by its clone, touching. If they move *really* slowly then they’ll be overlapping. However as the characters break into a run their clone will trail them by more -- maybe 2-8 player lengths depending how fast characters are in the game. If a player has a high latency the clone will be ever farther behind in all scenarios except holding still.

Now when a player shoots their gun in all of the above games, the game engines will calculate the shot based on where the player perceives themselves. That means that as you play the game what you see is pretty much what you get. You don’t have to manually correct for lag while aiming in modern shooters -- just aim for the head right where you see it. However this introduces the peeker’s advantage. A defender can hold a corner with their crosshair primed to shoot anything that appears, but an attacker (the peeker) who comes around that corner is ahead of their server position and thus they get to a bit of extra time to "peek” and shoot at the defender before they themselves are visible to the defender. Depending on the actual amount of lag and the game itself the defender perceives themselves as either having been shot insanely quickly right as the attacker appeared, or maybe if the lag is not as bad they perceive themselves as having gotten to trade shots with the attacker, but ultimately they lost. The attacker perceives nothing special -- they just walked around the corner and shot the defender b/c they were playing aggressively and have superior reflexes (or so they think).

How big is the actual peekers advantage? Well it varies by game, but an article put out by Riot Games about Valorant goes into detail about how much the peeker’s advantage affects gameplay, and how their engine attempts to minimize it. It’s a great read: https://technology.riotgames.com/news/peeking-valorants-netcode. But to summarize, using 128 tick servers (very fast) 35 ms of internet latency (fast) and monitor refresh rates of 60 hz (standard) they calculate an advantage of 100 milliseconds after extensive optimization. That’s fast, but is it fast enough? Well back in 2003 I used to be a competitive Counterstrike 1.6 player at around the same time that I was obtaining a psychology degree with a particular interest in human perception (reaction time, how our eyes work, perception of subluminal images that are shown very quickly). I tested the reflexes of myself and all of my teammates. Competitive gaming didn’t have the same structure back then as it does now (everything has a ladder now -- back then it was private leagues), but by modern standards we were probably top 3% ladder players or something like that. Generally speaking there isn’t much of a speed difference in the whole pool of pro-gamers, at least when compared to new players. They are all pretty fast. Response time for watching a corner and clicking as you see a player (already perfectly lined up) fall into the range of 150-190 ms. Tasks that involve moving the crosshair to react quickly (as opposed to having had perfect placement already) slow that down another 50-150 ms. But generally speaking the competition between two similarly fast players with good crosshair placement comes down to very tiny units of time with even 10 ms producing an advantage that is measurable (both Riot and I agree about this). This means that had the server allowed for a double K.O. (which these games do not) we would find that in fact both players were very good and would’ve killed the other just 20-50 milliseconds apart. Valorant and CS:GO don’t work like that however, and instead the game essentially deletes the bullets from one of the players and leaves the other alive. Unfortunately this difference in human reflexes amongst competitive gamers is entirely gobbled up by 100 ms of peeker’s advantage -- meaning that at high skill levels the peeker will very often win and the defender will very often lose. So while the Riot article celebrates the success of engineering that allowed Riot to reduce the peeker’s advantage as much as they did, if you read the fine print you’ll find that the peeker’s advantage remains huge.

I don’t mean to pick on Riot, far from it. They’ve clearly done an amazing job. The other games I mentioned earlier are presumably in the same approximate ballpark, though I can tell you from personal experience that some of them are a fair margin worse. Not all of the games I mentioned use a 128 tick server (only one does). They also have longer interpolation delays and other little engine details that slow things down further. Riot is also an insane company that literally owns/builds the internet just to reduce latency for its players -- so if we want to take away a general sense of how bad the peeker’s advantage is in most games we should assume it to be worse than the scenario described above regarding Valorant.

Now that I’ve discussed at length the peeker’s advantage, allow me to present a related netcode model that attempts to solve these problems: The Peeker’s Compromise. If we delay the time of death on the serverside by the timing difference between the attacker and the victim, then we can allow the defender an equal opportunity to shoot the attacker. The server can then determine the winner (and the remaining damage) based on the performance of the human (instead of using the ~100 ms of engine-related advantage and internet latency). So let’s use some numbers for a hypothetical situation. Let’s say our game has 128 tick server, the players have 35 ms of latency, and 60 hz screens (like the Valoran example from earlier). Right as a player peeks another player they essentially get to shoot 100.6 ms sooner than their victim. As their shots arrive at the server the server might calculate that the victim has died -- but rather than killing the player it will keep them alive for 100.6 ms PLUS their own latency, which in this scenario puts the total at 135.6 ms. If during these 135.6 milliseconds the server receives shots where the defender hits the peeker, it will enter a section of code that attempts to settle this discrepancy. First off, it is entirely possible that after compensating each shot for the difference between the players we find out that one truly was faster than the other -- the game could use this information to decide which one lives and which one dies. It also might make sense to allow damage to legitimately trade kills and to build double K.O. situation into more first person shooters.

Let’s talk about the artifacts of this new and proposed system. In low-latency games with a high tick rate this change would be subtle -- we would just have no more peeker’s advantage. As latency increases all way up to 200 ms we will have a new artifact. Instead of having a more severe peeker’s advantage we’ll end up with a scenario where it looks as if players are taking 1-3 extra bullets beyond what would normally kill them -- although if you stop shooting early they still end up dead a few milliseconds later. The Vandal in Valorant (similar to the AK in cs:go) fires 9.75 shots per second, which is one bullet per 103 ms. So in a best case scenario the player death is delayed by the time it takes to fire one extra shot at full auto, and in a worse case scenario we add 1 bullet per added ~100 ms of waiting done by the engine. It would also make sense to cut off certain shots from being counted from a laggy player (existing systems already do this in their own way).

Gameplay at lower skill levels wouldn’t really be affected one way or the other. It isn’t affected much by the peeker’s advantage either -- players have to know where to aim and thus be involved in legitimate reflex test before we’re down to something so close that milliseconds of delay have an effect. If players are oblivious to each other, or place their crosshairs incorrectly as they come around a corner then the added slow down of the human having to make a new visual-search-decision-plus-adjustment is too slow for any of this to matter. But at higher skill levels there would be some actual changes to gameplay. The most significant change is that players would be able to hold corners -- and if they’re truly faster than the peeker they would win. In such a design it really would make much more sense to allow two players who fire at essentially the same time to kill each other which if adopted would need to be addressed at a game design level. Also games that had an alternate method of very indirectly addressing peeker’s advantage, such as weapon instability during movement as a major element (arma, h1z1, pubg, tarkov, etc), would have more options, and may need to tune existing timings to get the same feeling back.

The underlying netcode behind the peeker’s advantage affects more than the classic peeking situation. It also affects two players picking up an item at the same time (it decides the winner here). And it also is present when you’re playing a game and you duck behind cover and take damage after you should already have been safe (the peeker and the victim are on slightly different timelines). Neither peeker’s advantage nor my proposed peeker’s compromise actually removes lag of the underlying systems of the network connection nor the game engine ticks, both simply *move* delays around such that the controls feel responsive and the latency is suffered elsewhere. There’s a certain physics to the realm of network programming. As I like to half-jokingly say: “Lag is neither created nor destroyed [by compensation techniques.]” So the same problems would still exist, though the Peeker’s Compromise is philosophically different. Where the peeker’s advantage says let the fastest internet and the more aggressive player win, the Peeker’s Compromise says let the more skillful (in terms of accuracy and speed) human win. Outside of a double K.O.esque duel however, this is subjective. Who should pick up an item when both players tried to pick it up at the same time? Well the old method says the one with the better internet gets it, the new method suggests perhaps that we should compensate the timing to remove the internet/engine delay and award it to whomever was faster. But what about getting shot after reaching cover? This is really up to the game designer -- is it more impressive to tag someone barely as they run off? Or more impressive to slide behind a barrier right as you get shot? It’s a design decision. It’s also possible via this proposed system to compromise. The engine design I propose has more data in its context with which to make decisions, courtesy of temporarily allowing ties to occur which get addressed after both players take an action. It could say well that was an amazing shot, AND it was an amazing dodge. After crunching the numbers the decision is to deal a hit but cut the damage in half as a compromise between the feats of the two players.

[15001700tt]

Descendants of The Moon

Descendants of the Moon Masterlist

Tag list: @chastja  @multi-fan-trash @serpentityx @syublush @laadychat @whoissheff Dm me if you want to be on the tag list!

Word Count: 5,154

Key: Italics- things that happened in the drama but do not old any importance to the story line

Key: Bold- Dialogue said in the Drama

Getting Caught and Catching A Virus

Episode 10:

Captain Yoo doesn’t respond to Dae Young’s radio calls so they head to where they are, but by then Agus and his men have left. Shi Jin summarized what happened. Fatima is a girl that was going to get sold today and she managed to shoot Agus from behind, Mo Yeon was able to remove the bullet and they left but Captain Yoo doubted this would be the last time they would meet. The soldiers help the children to get into the truck and back to the field hospital to get treated.

Once they’re back, Mo Yeon helps the doctors test and treat the infected children. Doctor Sang and Nurse Ha were treating one kid while Mo Yeon looked at the X-rays. 

“I see signs of pneumonia,” she told Sang Hyun. 

“We’ll take it from here, go wash up,” Sang Hyun told Mo Yeon. she nodded and went to the water basin and started scrubbing her hands. She was so distracted she didn't notice Yoo Ji approaching her.

“Are the children vaccinated?” Yoo Ji asked, her eyes not focusing, but it was subtle. Mo Yeon didn't catch it. Mo Yeon was snapped back to reality when she turned to respond but was taken off guard by the strong smell of alcohol.

“Have you been drinking?” she squinted her eyes at her friend, who in return shrugged.

“A little” Yoo Ji responded, her words slurring together. 

“I won’t even ask where you got the booze but why are you drinking now?” Mo Yeon thought Yoo Ji was doing so well staying sober or at least not abusing her alcohol allowance.

“Gwang Nam is being an ass,” Yoo Ji muttered. 

“He seems pretty nice to me” Mo Yeon scrubbed her hands harder. 

“It's a facade, why do you have blood on your hands?” Yoo Ji slurred, but her gaze didn't falter from Mo Yeon’s hands. Mo Yeon sighed, she didn't know how to explain what happened in the last few hours to her friend.

“I’ll explain later when you’re sober” Mo Yeon chose the easy way out.

“So what happened with First Sergeant Lim?”

“He keeps digging information about the Kim Hoon Jae case” Yoo Ji picked at the loose hem of her shirt.

“He won’t let it go, and I have no idea how to distract him enough that he forgets about it” she huffed.

“You still have the nightmares?” Mo Yeon asked that case affected Yoo Ji the most out of all her work. What she had gone through, changed her so much, sometimes Mo Yeon can barely recognize her friend. Mo Yeon knows the kind of psychological damage that Yoo Ji endured because of her involvement, she recommended multiple psychiatrists to Yoo Ji but she never confirms nor denies whether she actually goes or not. Yoo Ji nodded.

“I think it's good to tell him about it, maybe actually help you feel lighter. Holding it in isn’t going to make anyone feel any better,” Mo Yeon tried to recommend. Mo Yeon wiped her hands on the cloth towel by the sink, Yoo Ji shook her head, her face was red from the alcohol. Mo Yeon’s eyes were drawn to behind Yoo Ji to the moving figure behind them. 

“Doctor Kang! The girl you brought with you says that she’s leaving. What should I do?” Nurse Choi’s concerned voice sounded out, her eyes drawn to the drunk girl beside Mo Yeon.

“Are you drunk?” she asked Yoo Ji with surprise, Yoo Ji smiled cheekily and gave her a smile.

“Shhh, don’t tell anybody” she hushed Nurse Choi. 

“Take her back to her room and I’ll handle the kid,” Mo Yeon told Min Ji and nodded at Yoo Ji who was dozing off. Min Ji nodded and guided Yoo Ji away from the Medi-Cube. 

“I can walk” Yoo Ji shrugged Min Ji’s hand. Halfway through they ran into a few soldiers. Min Ji bowed and excused themselves before Yoo Ji made a fool of herself. Gwang Nam was one of the soldiers they passed. He paused and looked back.

“Yoo Ji?” he asked with uncertainty. Yoo Ji looked drunk, her cheeks red, and her eyes were unfocused 

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out” she responded with a goofy chuckle. 

Gwang Nam told the soldiers to go ahead and he’ll see them inside. He came closer to the two girls. 

“Please don’t tell anyone, if someone knows she might get fired.” Min Ji excused.

“It’s ok, I’ll take her back, you can go back to the Medi-Cube” Gwang Nam smiled at the nurse who nodded and left.

“Aw, everyone is leaving me tonight” Yoo Ji huffed and pouted. 

“I haven’t, but you’re pushing me away” Gwang Nam took her shoulders and steadied her as she started swaying.

“And you’re driving me crazy” she responded. Gwang Nam looked at her hard, it was throwing him off how she can be so drunk that she can’t walk properly but can hold a conversation just fine.

“Why won’t you tell me anything about yourself or your work?” Gwang Nam tried again.

“Because it’s not as exciting as I want you to think” Yoo Ji pointed her finger at his nose, her eyes glistening and unfocused. 

“Besides, it’s not like you’re telling me anything either” Yoo Ji slurred. 

“This is a different situation” Gwang Nam refuted, “you’re a reporter, isn’t everything out for the public?” he continued.

“Indeed, but not my personal psychological problems, I’d like to keep those private” Yoo Ji responded rolling her eyes.

“Just what are you hiding?” Gwang Nam’s curiosity filled him but he couldn’t get more out of Yoo Ji because right after her head hit his shoulder and her soft breathing evened out. 

Gwang Nam sighed again, she’s proving to be more work as they get to know each other more. He looked at her face that seemed so peaceful. He wondered if something happened that made her so wary of everyone around her. He reached the bunker and laid her down. He covered her and left her to sleep for the rest of the night. He glanced at the empty whiskey bottle by her bed and put it in the trash, just in case someone decided to look for Yoo Ji in her room.

Gwang Nam made his way to the Medi Cube, at this point he’ll miss the meeting but he’ll talk with Captain Yoo about it later. Gwang Nam was going to find out what happened with Kim Hoon Jae that Yoo Ji is being more resistant to giving information. Well, more than she already is but he knows sometimes she does that to annoy him and remind him that he’s also withholding information about his job too.

He found both First Lieutenant Yoon and Doctor Kang stocking up the cabinets in the Medi-Cube. They were talking about Myung Ju’s trip to the village to treat the remaining kids. It looked like Mo Yeon was ready to leave but halted when she saw Gwang Nam coming to them.

“Power of unity” Gwang Nam saluted Myung Ju and she nodded at him. 

“Did you need something?” Doctor Kang asked.

“Uh yes, I was curious about something” Gwang Nam started, turning to Mo Yeon. Mo Yeon raised an eyebrow, she knew he was with Yoo Ji and was bugging her about the Kim Hoon Jae case. She stared at his face and tried to see if he had any ill intentions, she knows Yoo Ji won’t ever tell him about what happened when she was on that case, but that doesn’t mean Mo Yeon won’t tell him the basics. He needs to stop bringing it up and just accept it.

“Yoo Ji was involved in the serial killer case of Kim Hoon Jae, she won’t let me ask about it” he continued looking uncomfortable, “I wanted to know if it had affected her in any way”.

“Mun Yoo Ji was involved in that case?” Myung Ju’s surprised tone told Mo Yeon that she didn't know any of this either.

“It was a very complicated case, he was on the loose and had killed so many girls and the detectives had no idea how to find him, his killings were irregular, he didn't have a pattern or a connection to his victims” Mo Yeon started leaning against the shelf lightly. 

“But he was found because of his medical records, right? I heard about it on the news, it was very impressive” Myung Ju commented. 

“It was Yoo Ji that was able to tip the police of his location, she looked up his medical records and his file from the police department, she was able to find the exact bar he hung out at because he had Hodgkin's lymphoma-” Mo Yeon was cut off by Gwang Nam.

“And the bar he hung out at was the only one in the area that had two separate bars with virgin drinks, yeah, I know that part but was she ever involved in the arrest or came in contact with him?” Gwang Nam asked but Mo Yeon knew that he would come to realize that Yoo Ji is psychologically hurt from that case.

“I only know some of what happened, not everything but yes, she was involved in the arrest,” she answered.

“Wait, didn't Kim Hoon Jae break out of prison and kidnap someone” Myung Ju’s eyes widened as she started putting the pieces together. 

“Yoo Ji’s connection to the major media channels was able to leave her name out of the news, but yeah, she was the one that was kidnapped by him. He had her for two weeks, he psychologically and physically abused her,” Mo Yeon told them. Gwang Nam held his breath, he didn't know it was this serious.

“Her need for information is just something that helps ease her anxiety, because when she was with him, he seemed to know everything about her life, like he was there when it happened, and that broke her. Yoo Ji is not the kind to feel helpless often and this one really did a number” Mo Yeon informed them of the severity. Myung Ju and Gwang Nam made eye contact. With Gwang Nam’s line of work, he may never be able to tell her the entire truth. 

“But this need for information is destroying her from the inside out, it’s not healthy and she often has insomnia because her brain is going haywire with so much information, and the nightmares,” Mo Yeon told them. 

“I feel like a jerk now because of what I said” Myung Ju sighed. 

“You can’t take it back, Yoo Ji will know that I told you and will get pissed off” Mo Yeon informed her.

“She doesn’t want people to know because if they do they might change how they act around her, she doesn’t want to be tiptoed around or get any pity” Mo Yeon explained Yoo Ji’s thought process.

“She’ll know I told you tonight, and she’ll be pissed off. Don’t let it put you off though, it’s her way of testing you” Mo Yeon told Gwang Nam, she picked up her stuff and bid them good night. Gwang Nam sighed and leaned against the wall. Just as he thought things were getting easier.

“Regretting asking about it?” Myung Ju asked him.

“No, but I thought she was messing with me, I didn't think it was something this serious” his tired and defeated voice responded. 

“You should’ve known from the moment she kicked the crap out of the thugs at the hospital; she’s not normal, none of us are” Myung Ju finished off, and smiled at him sympathetically, she told him good night and left him alone.

------------------------------------------------------------------

-The Next Morning-

Dae Young and Myung Ju went to the village but they found it completely deserted, so they came back, Mo Yeon and Shi Jin were having a moment *the hair tying* and then the packages from Korea came. At this point in their morning/afternoon, Yoo Ji woke up with a hangover and drank coffee, and moved on with her day, a hangover was not stopping her from doing her usual routine. 

She heard the packages had arrived so she went to see if she got anything, she noticed a box with lots of hearts and the names of the Captain and his Deputy leader on it and knew that they were in deep shit. So she hung out near the corner of the room to watch the show.

“Sergeant First Class Seo, there's a package from someone named Shin Ji Young.” Mo Yeon radioed Dae Young, which made Yoo Ji choke on her laugh, Myung Ju should be coming any minute now.

“Where are you now?” his voice was serious yet panicked.

“In the kitchen” Mo Yeon responded. Almost five seconds later, Myung Ju came bursting through the door and grabbed the box from Mo Yeon’s hands.

“Oh! That surprised me.” Mo Yeon squeaked

 “I'm going to have to inspect this real quick.” Myung Ju glared at the box. Myung Ju read the messages written on the box, each sentence growing angrier.

“Does Dae Young have a younger sister?” Mo Yeon asked curiously.

“Dae Young is an only child!”

“That shouldn’t be my fault” Mo Yeon defended. Myung Ju huffed and ripped open the package and got out the envelope, it seemed like there was a picture in there because Mo Yeon got closer to Myung Ju to get a closer look and squinted her eyes.

“Omo, why is Shi Jin here?” Yoo Ji silently laughed, looking at those two jealous fools. 

“The day we met Shi Jin Oppa. We send our memories to you.” Mo Yeon read out loud.

“First Lieutenant Yoon, bring your gun.” Mo Yeon looked murderous, it made Yoo Ji crinkle her eyes more, just to stop herself from making any noise.

“It’s a misunderstanding” Shi Jin and Dae young came barreling in, probably ran all the way here from where they were.

Yoo Ji watched as they tried to explain the package but failed miserably and were digging themselves into bigger holes. Mo Yeon told Shi Jin to follow her leaving Myung Ju and Dae Young alone. As they left Yoo Ji noticed three people behind the wall and she went over and found Woo Geun, Cheol Ho, and Gwang Nam.

“What are you doing?” she murmured, hiding with them

“I was right. It was obvious it was a blind date.” Gwang Nam broke his stare off with Yoo Ji, well it wasn’t really a stare-off, she avoided his gaze.

“You’re talking about the first birthday party of Bravo Team's Sergeant Park's son? They both disappeared right after they gave their presents” Cheol Ho confirmed.

Woo Geun sighed in annoyance and brought out money to pay the bet that he had with Gwang Nam, Yoo Ji smirked, it seemed like Woo Geun was horrible at making winning bets.

“They said that a high school classmate's father had passed away.” Woo Geun scoffed

“It doesn't even make sense that the two of them would have the same classmate.” Gwang Nam told him, they didn't go to school together. Yoo Ji chuckled

“They couldn't even get their story straight with us either.” Cheol Ho smiled. 

“A room full of special forces agents and none of them can lie correctly” Yoo Ji mused, shaking her head. Yoo Ji turned and left them.

“Nurse Choi called Mo Yeon because of an Emergency in the Medi-cube, Yoo Ji made her way there, Sang Hyun and Nurse Ha followed her. Mo Yeon arrived before them.

“The narcotics are gone,” Nurse Choi Min Ji said.

“Who would’ve taken them?” Sang Hyun pondered.

“All the patients are here and nothing else is missing” Nurse Ha stated.

“Not everyone, someone has been missing” Mo Yeon sighed, getting out her radio.

“Has anyone seen Fatima lately?” 

“Come on we need to find Shi Jin” Yoo Ji informed Mo Yeon.

Once they found him, they made their way into town, the bar valentine ran might have information.

“How have you been?” Shi Jin greeted Val, Yoo Ji nodded in acknowledgment at the girl.

“You need something,” Val stated, getting straight to the point.

“Information. A red dress, a 15-year-old girl. She's stealing narcotics.” Shi Jin gave her the basic info. Val shook her head, already refusing his request.

“I keep telling you, we sell everything here except women and information” she reiterated.

“Val please, this is urgent and serious.” Yoo Ji pleaded for her to hear them out.

“You don’t have to, but there must be someone else who could” Shi Jin interrupted.

“Please, she’s only 15 years old,” Shi Jin asked again. Val cleared her throat and looked away, she sighed and rang someone up on her phone.

“Where is the black market for narcotics?”

As soon as they got the location, Yoo Ji paid Val the amount she wanted and they were set on their way. 

“How do we find it?” Mo Yeon asked once they reached the place, there were a bunch of buildings that looked run down and were on the verge of collapsing. They didn't wait long until they heard a girl scream. They ran over to the sound.

“Son of a bitch! were you lying to me this whole time?” Fatima asked angrily.

“No, Fatima you trusted me too much, now follow me before I beat you harder,” the boy said as he held Fatima by her hair.

“Stop! Don’t touch her” Yoo Ji shouted at the boy. 

“Is he a soldier?”  one of the boys asked, Yoo Ji sighed.

“Your uniform is always bringing us trouble” she Sighed as she looked at the boys pulling out their weapons.

“Don’t worry, we have more weapons than him,” the leader, Yoo Ji assumed, said.

“I hope you weren’t looking for us” he continued with a smirk on his face as all three of them put their hands up in surrender.

“More guns? Why are there guns every day? What kind of country is this?” Mo Yeon whined as she felt fear penetrate her, Yoo Ji chuckled.

“It's because you both ran in with no plan,” Shi Jin told her.

“If we came later, she might’ve been hurt more” Mo Yeon refuted. Yoo Ji is still making eye contact with the leader.

“Yes, good job because Fatima will be fine while we get shot at” Shi Jin’s sarcastic voice was lowered but Yoo Ji still heard him. 

“What are they saying?” one of the goons, asked.

“Who cares? Put your gun down if you don't want to die” the leader told the captain.

“What the hell are we going to do now?” Mo Yeon asked.

“Well, it isn't like there isn't a way” Shi Jin said as he evaluated the situation.

“Seven guns. Mun Yoo Ji takes the right side. I'll take the left side.” he joked, Yoo Ji nodded.

“Don't be scared,” he whispered to Mo Yeon. 

“I hope you were serious” Yoo Ji gritted her teeth readying herself to fight with speed she never used to beat the boys with machines that can kill her in twenty seconds.

“Let’s see if you're really made of what you say you are,” Shi Jin said to Yoo Ji with a chuckle.

“Okay, let’s make a deal” Shi Jin moved forward, with his hands still raised in surrender.

“I’ll drop my weapon and you let the girls go”

“What do you mean, you’re gonna drop your weapon and the girls get on their knees now” the boy refuted shaking his gun around. Yoo Ji noticed his loose grip, either from carelessness or from inexperience. Probably only shot it once or twice before today. She surveyed the other boys and found them to be pretty much the same.

“Huh, I thought I could fool him” he paused, “okay, no more jokes when I say now, you run back to the car and wait by the door,” he instructed Mo Yeon. 

“Five minutes should do it,” he evaluated once again.

“You’re overestimating my ability to move fast enough to avoid the guns Captain Yoo, make that 10” Yoo Ji added.

“If five minutes pass and we’re not out, just leave no matter what.” he continued, ignoring Yoo Ji’s comment.

“Oh god, Gwang Nam is going to kill me” Shi Jin glanced at Yoo Ji. 

“I’ll try to spare you by not getting injured,” Yoo Ji told him.

“What is that bastard saying? Shut up and drop your weapon” the leader said moving towards them and putting his hand to stabilize the gun in his other.

“Okay, okay” Shi Jin muttered. 

“I’ll drop it, do you like this spot?” Shi Jin asked with a small smile on his lips.

“I can’t use this gun anyway” Shi Jin continued, the boys can’t understand him still because he was speaking Korean but Yoo Ji understood. He’d had to write a lot of reports.

Yoo Ji realized that he was going to take the leader’s gun and use that instead, so she quickly picked a target and zeroed in on his actions. 

Shi Jin waited until the boy was lowered enough and slid his gun backward and jammed the boy’s hand upwards so he couldn't shoot him. 

“Now!” Mo Yeon sprung in action and so did Fatima. Yoo Ji quickly grabbed the boy’s hand towards one of the other boys so that he wouldn't shoot, and then kicked him in his stomach so he would double over. She quickly was able to get his gun.

“You think I’ll get arrested if I use the gun” Yoo Ji wondered out loud to Shi Jin.

“Yes!” he yelled back. She huffed and threw the gun far away from their reach. Shi Jin was able to grab another boy’s gun and twisted his elbow so he had no control of his hand and shot in the clutter of boys’ direction but didn’t hit anyone specific mostly to scare them and to make them back off. 

Yoo Ji yelped as she heard the gun go off and quickly punch another boy coming at her. She disabled another gun as another smaller boy came at her, the gun in her hand went slamming down on his shoes. He yelled in pain and she looked away and saw Shi Jin do the same.

“Aw man, now you're just stealing my moves,” she called out to him, but she was running out of breath, she breathed hard as a blond boy circled around her, his hands on his gun shaking. 

“Do you even know how to shoot that?” Yoo Ji asked him in English, taunting him. He clicked his safety off but didn't get a chance to press the trigger before Yoo Ji hit his knee cap to the side, breaking it. He fell to his knees and she kneed his nose, he dropped the gun and she kicked it toward the other pile of guns.

She held her breath, noticing a boy sneaking towards the direction Fatima ran to take cover in, her call of warning died in her throat as Shi Jin started shooting towards the boys’ shoes making his fall and stay down. She didn't think he was shot, just knocked out. He started walking backward towards Fatima, who didn't run with Mo Yeon to the car as Yoo Ji assumed. Yoo Ji breathed hard.

“Well this was a work out” she tried to slow down her breathing. She started making her way to them when she saw the boys getting up and starting to shoot again, she rolled her eyes and snuck up behind one of them and elbowed the back of his head, knocking him out. 

“Why don't you guys stay down” she growled. They pointed their guns between her, Shi Jin, and Fatima.

“Shouldn’t Mo Yeon do something to help us?” Yoo Ji shouted at the Captain.

“I told her to leave if we don’t come out” he yelled back as he ran out of bullets and took cover behind the old truck. He tried to reach for another gun but couldn't get it in time. 

“Now what?” Yoo Ji yelled as she kicked another boy away from her and grabbed his gun and pointed at him. Her question went unanswered as she heard a car come screeching towards them, she managed to roll out of the way. She glanced at the car to see it was the military car that they came in and Mo Yeon was driving it now. 

She suddenly backtracked the car almost crushing Shi Jin’s hand,

“Hurry, get in!” she told Shi Jin. Yoo Ji who was on the other side of the car from Shi Jin opened the door and jumped inside the front passenger seat while Shi Jin and Fatima got in the back. As they made their way back, Mo Yeon was grinning.

“Wow, awesome! This is totally exciting!” she said laughing. Yoo Ji looked back towards Shi Jin who looked at her disbelief. Yoo Ji and Shi Jin were heaving, trying to catch their breath from fighting a whole gang.

“I'm still excited! Did you become a soldier for this?” Mo Yeon asked the Captain.

“I fought off the enemy!” she yelled in glee. 

“You mean you ran over the enemy, we fought off the enemy” Yoo Ji responded with amusement in her voice.

“You almost ran me over too!” Shi Jin told her.

“I knew you would avoid it, it was all calculated” Mo Yeon replied with a grin on her face.

“With calculations like that, how did you make it through medical school?” he grunted in the back. Yoo Ji chuckled.

“She could save people but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t put them in hospitals” Yoo Ji replied jokingly, which Mo Yeon fake glared at her. The car started slowing down and came to a stop.

“What’s wrong with this car?” Mo Yeon asked in confusion.

“Why don’t you know? You beat it up too much, this woman now wrecked three cars” he said Yoo Ji laughed as she got out of the car.

“I'll try to get in contact with anyone nearby.” Shi Jin pulled out his walkie talkie.

“Big Boss transmitting. The location is roughly 15 km from the city towards the barracks. The car is down. If there is any soldier within the radius, contact me.” Captain Yoo said. A second later Dae Young’s voice responded.

“Wolf transmitting. Currently on landmine operation in the direction of Phantom Village.”

“What’s the matter? Why do you always get stuck on roads?” Dae Young’s voice cut through with a bit of an edge.

“No kidding” Shi Jin responded while looking at the car engine.

“I’ll send Sergeant Gong” Dae Young sighed. 

“They’re sending Cheol Ho to pick us up,” Shi Jin told the girls. Mo Yeon took Fatima a little farther to scold her while Yoo Ji stayed near the car

They were finally able to make it back to the base and Mo Yeon went to take a shower and Yoo Ji decided that she should do the same, her muscles will start to ache from her vigorous workout. As soon as Yoo Ji got out of the shower the lights went out. She sighed and felt her way back to her room.

-----------------------------------------------

-The Next Morning-

The Alpha team got the news that manager Jin got arrested for identity fraud by the Mohoru Police and then one of the patients told Shi Jin and Dae young that manager Jin has a fistful of diamonds. Shi Jin concluded that he was probably on the run from someone. 

*The Alpha team gets all suited up in all black and goes to save the manager but it's a black op so it’s not officially said that they rescued the man. While they are there Shi Jin faces off with Agus one more time. As he is the one that’s been haunting manager Jin down for the diamonds.* 

They came back with the man and he was put into the Medi-Cube. Shi Jin was interrogating him. When Manager Jin started coughing and calling for a doctor. It turns out he has internal bleeding from the diamonds. 

Yoo Ji sighed as she shook her head trying to shake away the dizziness. Damn it's happening more often now. She felt light-headed and couldn't focus. Gwang Nam came running towards her, he looked so shaken up.

“Doctor Kang and First Lieutenant Yoon” he stated but paused. 

“They’re in OR, what’s wrong?” Yoo Ji said, confused.

“Manager Jin has the M virus” Gwang Nam spilled out finally. Yoo Ji’s chair fell as she suddenly stood up.

“What?!” her voice rang through the room. 

“They are in isolation in the OR” Gwang Nam informed her. Yoo Ji’s dizziness was forgotten as she booked it towards the Medi-Cube, Gwang Nam following her. 

Once she arrived, she found Shi Jin and Dae Young glued to the doors separating the girls from the rest of them. She pushed through the doctors and stood in between the men.

“The U.S. base has a laboratory but I am not sure they will cooperate,” Myung Ju said.

“I'll take care of that,” Shi Jin said as he opened his phone.

“I'll go prepare the transportation,” Dae Young said as he ran out. 

“What’s going on?” Yoo Ji’s voice was strong but her eyes wavered, looking at both her friends.

“Manager Jin seems to have the M Virus, we both got contaminated by blood” Myung Ju responded. 

“We’ll be ok,” Mo Yoeon assured Yoo Ji. 

Yoo Ji started swaying slightly, the rush of adrenaline had left her body and all she felt now was exhaustion, days of not sleeping, and not getting any rest was taking its toll on her. Her swaying got more noticeable and Mo Yeon gasp alerted everyone that's wasn’t aware, as Yoo Ji almost hit the floor. Gwang Nam swooped in and supported Yoo Ji holding onto her waist. Shi Jin looked at Yoo Ji with complete shock. 

“What is wrong with her?” Gwang Nam asked.

“She needs an IV and dextrose solution, she needs rest” Mo Yeon instructed one of the nurses. This wasn’t the first time this happened, but it put everyone on edge, the circumstances were horrible.

“Overexertion and insomnia, she’ll be fine.” Mo Yeon explained, “we’ll be fine” Myung Ju looked at Mo Yeon with concern for Yoo Ji while she was also anxious about their own situation. Gwang Nam settled Yoo Ji on one of the beds.

Captain Yoo and Deputy Leader Seo came back, Gwang Nam saw both of them march to the OR. Gwang Nam peaked at the situation, Dae Young hugged Myung Ju tightly and wouldn’t let go. Gwang Nam figured that she’s probably the one that got it. He looked back at Yoo Ji, she was sleeping peacefully, but once she wakes up, he’ll have to tell her.

[shannygoatgruff]

My Brother’s Keeper - Chapter IX

Genre: Psychological Thriller

Modern Ivar X Modern Hvitserk

Rating: MA 

Overall Warning:  Dark story told from an emotionally distributed person’s POV with graphic and sadistic material including rape, terror, torture, kidnapping, drug use, slash, implied incest, necrophilia, and insecurity. Heavy trigger warnings.  

Chapter Warning: Drug use, talk of spiraling out of control

Summary: Mama always said to be their brothers’ keeper. Now there is absolutely nothing these two won’t do for each other.  Boys will be boys…

Chapter IX

Why the fuck am I watching the news?  This is what flipping through channels gets me.  I should have never stopped when I saw this bitch’s face.  I fucking hate her. 

Now, I either want to put my fist through the TV or pull my damn hair out.

Fuck, I hate this bitch! She’s no different from the rest of these news assholes. Always trying to dig up some shit that should be left alone. Putting all of our personal business on blast like that...pieces of shit. And this whore is the worst of them.  She's purposely trying to make Ivar and I look bad. 

"Police are trying to find a common thread between these murders. The victims have all been found in remote areas throughout the county.  The coroner reports each victim showed signs of sexual trauma and or torture, pre- or post-mortem. While police have no suspects, in these killings, they do believe they are all connected and have been committed by the same perpetrator.  Witnesses to the last two victims’ disappearances have described seeing a Caucasian male, between the ages of 18-35, approximately 5’8” – 6’2”, medium build, with medium to dark hair, leaving with the victims. If you have any information about these victims or the suspect, please call Detective Torstein, Homicide." The white numbers for the police station flash on the screen under this bitch’s face.  

“You fucking cunt!” I don’t know what just fell to the floor as I kicked the coffee table in front of the couch.  She has no right to show fucking pictures and the names of our past guests.  But, I’ll be damned, if they are there.  All the ones from this month: Halfdan, Porunn, Astrid, and Erlendur.  None of them looked like that when we met them.  Then, they were all slutted up and ready to please.  But looking at these pictures, they look like they’re a part of a fucking church choir.  

You bitch!

But, fuck you news-lady, you forgot one. You forgot about that girl we met at the concert. I almost did. At least, I can keep one of those special nights sacred without you fucking it all up and turning it into some freak show for these news groupies to salivate over.  

Shit, I just wish I could remember that whole night. 

I can only remember meeting her and bringing her back to the cabin.  I remember she was a great lay, and that looked fucking amazing. But that’s it.  Every time I try to remember what we did, or how many times we did it or anything else, there’s like a blank spot.  I don’t know if Ivar got to try anything new with her, or what.  

Ivar said I blacked out, again.  Did she pass out before or after he got to her?   Did she try to escape?  Did he punish her long and hard for that?  Did she cooperate and he let her go?  Is that why she wasn’t on this little photo lineup? What the fuck I am saying? He wouldn’t’ve done that shit.  They just haven't found her body, yet. 

That bitch reporter is smiling again. She's enjoying all the fucking lies and the smear campaign that she’s creating against us. "Stay tuned for more information on these murders as they become available. Judith Wessex, reporting, Action 10 News."

"Lying bitch!" Just the look on her face and the sound of her voice is driving me crazy. She doesn't know us. She has no right to say those kinds of things about us. Nobody tortured or brutalized anybody. It was all in fun. They were into it.  

Ivar takes the remote from my hand and tucks it into his palm, "You don't need to watch this." He's been extra protective since I woke up in his bed. I can't do anything. He must have really been scared after this last blackout because he won't let anything upset me. Changing the channel, he settles on something non-threatening; Property Brothers. He knows I love that show. "There. That's better."

"I'm fine, Ivar,” I lie, “that bitch on the news just got under my skin.”  I reach over to pick up the ashtray – when did I start smoking so much?  I’m already on my second pack today and I’ve only been awake since noon.  

"I know you are. But you get bothered so easily. I just want you to take it easy." His smooth voice caresses my ears and instantly gives me goosebumps on my arms. But he knows the damage is already done. Standing behind me, he holds his arms out on either side of my head, with his fists out in front of me.  “Left or right?  Pick one.”

I have no idea what’s in his hands, but since we’re both right-handed, I nod toward his right hand.  He tilts my head back so I’m looking up at him.  “Open up.”  I obediently do as I’m told and feel three pills of varying size hit my tongue. 

He quickly places a kiss on my forehead as I sit up to swallow the pills dry. Turning in my seat, I watch as he drops the pills from his left hand into his mouth.  He holds his tongue out for me to see his four pills before his tongue darts back into his mouth.

“What was that?” I try to swallow hard enough to make the pills slide down my throat.  Hopefully, it’s something that’ll make me stop wanting to throw this fucking television out of the window.  

Ivar shrugs and smiles, “Fuck if I know.  I found them in my coat pocket.  Guess we’ll find out shortly.”  He picks up the dishtowel that he had sat down on the back of the couch and slings it over his shoulder, "Anyway, Serk, that shit that reporter said wasn't true. She's just trying to fuck with us. Trying to make us slip up." He starts to walk out of the room but stops and turns around with a huge smile.  "Maybe we should party with her." His smile immediately fades when he sees how upset she's made me. "Awe, brother… don't worry about that bitch. I'll kill her if you want."

"They know what we look like, Ives."

"How many white guys are there in the world, Serk? They can’t even agree on my goddamn hair color.” He leans against the wall and folds his arms across his chest. “I took care of everything. No one knows. No one will ever find out." There is such honesty and power in his voice that I can’t help but trust that he believes this.  I know he wouldn’t chance anything getting in the way of the life that we've built together.

But, there’s still that part of me that fears that our world is about to come crashing down around us. What would I do if I didn’t have this outlet or God forbid they took Ivar away from me? 

"I can't handle this shit anymore. Fucking bitch reporters are lying on us. Stupid fucking cops are trying to dig shit up and sticking their pig noses where they don't belong." Everything as of late is running through my mind. This use to be so much fun, but now everyone else is fucking it up. "Something wrong with me. My blackouts are getting worse.  We went out and I can't remember it. I can't remember jack shit from the past week! Who the fuck blacks out for a whole week?  How long can I go on like this before something really fucked up happens?" 

It feels like my throat is closing and I’m starting to sweat.  My heart rate is speeding up and I think I’m about to die.  I can’t breathe.  Jesus, why does Ivar put up with me when I'm like this? "I'm fucking up at work. Fucking Ub is gonna come here and start asking questions. Thora’s gonna fucking leave me.  You're gonna get tired of taking care of me! Shit's just all fucked up." I sit forward with my arms on my thighs and try to catch my breath.  I try so hard not to give into the fear, but fuck if I'm not feeling it leak out of my pores. 

This is why I need Ivar.  Thora could never handle me like this. I can't even handle me when I get like this. "I don't know how much more I can take, Ivy. I can't do this shit, no more! I can't."  All the air I’m trying to gulp in isn’t helping at the moment.

Standing before me with a concerned look on his face, he shifts his weight from one leg to the other. "Hvitserk Ragnarsson." And there it is - that voice that I fucking hate.  That voice Father used to keep us in line.  Ivar rarely uses that voice, but when he does it immediately gets my attention.  I look at him obediently as he sits on the edge of the couch next to me and studies my face.

The amount of emotion in me is overwhelming and before his hand even reaches up to touch my hair, my throat starts to ache, my head hurts and my eyes are stinging. Shit. 

Ivar's arms around me remind me just how much I need him and how important he is to me. "I'm sorry." I lean my head back on the pillow and let the tears run down my face. I’m so embarrassed and tired of always losing my shit.  But true to form, his arms are around my neck and he presses his lips to my cheek and coos sweetly in my ear until I feel my fear dissipates.

With a smile on his face, he turns my head to his. "Better now?" His thumbs trace my tears as he holds my head in his hands. The look in his eyes tells me that everything is going to alright and I believe him. A simple nod of my head convinces him that the worst is over and with that, he places the gentlest kiss on the tip of my nose. I don't how he does it, but he always makes it better. "Come on," he takes my hand to pull me off the couch with him, "I baked cookies."

Now I just feel silly. I had another meltdown and truthfully I can't remember why especially when I see the plate of fresh-baked cookies that he has laid out on the kitchen table. Whatever was wrong with me just moments before seems trivial. It's amazing how he just always seems to know what to do to make everything better.

Ivar's back is to me as he looks out of the kitchen window, but judging by the way his neck is arched, he's taken an interest in something. "We have new neighbors." His voice is distant, almost like he's speaking without thinking.  He can’t tear his eyes away from whatever is outside, but his head turns the slightest bit to face me.  

I’ve never seen him entranced this before. Ivar never fixates. These neighbors must be amazing.

I stuff a chocolate chip cookie into my mouth and pick up another one on my way to the window. He's right. A new young couple is moving in right next door and the woman is exceptionally beautiful. Her eyes are big and bright, her face is like silk and she has this refreshingly innocent look about her. It's enough to remind me that I haven't called Thora since the last night she was here.

Then there's the guy with her. There's something in the proud way he stands... the way his muscles protrude from the sleeves of his t-shirt, and the powerful way in which he slips his arms around her and lifts her off the ground…It makes my top lip sweat and a tingle start at the base of my skull. 

I can't move. I can only stand here and chew my cookie as I watch these beautiful creatures in front of me. “They are perfect,” My voice comes out like a dream.  I don’t even recognize the sound of it. 

As soon as I look over at him and see that gleam in his eye, I know that he already knows. They are perfect.

He lifts my hand to his mouth and takes a bite of the cookie I'm holding. "Yes. They. Are." Chewing, he nods his head and smiles. "We should welcome them to the neighborhood." He always says that the only way to get over the last one is to take a new one. The more I think about it, the more sense it makes.

Something happened with the last girl. Something bad enough to make me forget the most important things. I wish I could remember that night because I want to know that I showed her a good time, but I don't want to remember why I lost control. It's no use worrying about it now. I can't dwell on old memories. I can only look forward to making new ones. New memories with my new neighbors.

No matter what I've done before or how I feel about it now, the only thing I can concentrate on at this very moment is the dull gnawing in my gut. I need something to keep my mind off of all of this shit. 

I need this. I need them. I may always be fighting with the half a conscience I have, but the growling inside of me is usually much louder than it.

The beast inside of me is awake again. And it's so damn hungry.

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[gatedress93]

How Much Does A Business Coach Cost?

10 Points Every Small Business Demands To Do.

Content

What Does A Business Coach Do?

Trainers Assist Set Goals As Well As Hold Magnate Liable.

Additional Reading On Self Self-Confidence Building.

Final Thoughts On Being A Certain Lady.

Vinyasa + Weight Training: Tips From New York Giants' Coach Gwen Lawrence.

Ipec Coaching.

Develop A Favorable Attitude, Boost Your Behaviors And Also Relocate Closer To Your Objectives

Loving oneself is probably the most essential point we can do. Far from being perfect at it, just loving myself a bit more has actually allowed me to allow far better things come into my life, and I feel I am in a far better location from which to help others too.

Research study shows that self-esteem influences both you and also your partner's connection fulfillment. This set enters play when you get in, exit, or move around in an area. Take wide, surefooted actions with every move, instead of quick, hurried, or frenzied actions.

What Does A Business Coach Do?

When you really want something in life after that it likewise becomes less complicated to press through any type of internal resistance you feel. With better self-worth you'll get the advantages noted above. You'll be more secure and able to deal with difficult times better. Therefore you become much less needy as well as your inner life comes to be a lot less of a psychological roller coaster based upon what people might believe or state about you today or this week. Absolutely nothing can harm our self-esteem greater than unreasonable comparisons.

While it won't happen overnight, with the best methods and frame of mind, you can take steps toward altering the means you feel regarding yourself. Not feeling adequate can be specifically hazardous when it pertains to your charming partnerships by making your even more prone to feelings of anxiousness and jealous.

Coaches Help Establish Goals And Hold Business Leaders Liable.

More Reading On Self Self-Confidence Structure.

There are some individuals that have reduced self-confidence that are not as unsteady; their problem, rather, is indecision. They have extremely little trust in themselves, they underestimate themselves, and also they have such a wonderful anxiety of ruining that they constantly believe that they do not measure up to the circumstances.

" When you contrast your life, yourself as well as what you have to other individuals's lives and also what they have after that you have harmful behavior on your hands. Join the 80,000 people that sign up for the Positivity E-newsletter as well as you'll obtain useful tips on happiness, self-esteem, performance as well as more every week. Invest much less time on a net discussion forum, with reviewing a magazine or viewing a TV-show if you feel it makes you unsure of on your own and if it makes you really feel a lot more adversely towards on your own.

What are the 3 types of coaching styles?

There are three generally accepted styles of coaching in sports: autocratic, democratic and holistic. Each style has its benefits and drawbacks, and it's important to understand all three.

Select to invest less time with individuals that are nervous nit-pickers, unkind or unsupportive of your dreams or objectives. When you contrast your life, on your own and what you have to other people's lives as well as what they have after that you have damaging behavior on your hands.

Absolutely nothing can eliminate our self-worth greater than setting impractical assumptions. I was much more in the red than ever, and having a home was still a distant dream. My assumption was impractical, and also my self-worth took an impact when I turned 30 as well as saw exactly how far such a goal was.

Last Ideas On Being A Positive Lady.

What should I ask a business coach?

Here are more questions to ask when trying to find the perfect coach.How much experience do they have? Does https://gumroad.com/3461086513830/p/14-professions-that-might-make-you-a-millionaire-prior-to-you-retire with yours? Are you truly compatible with them? Don't fall for the sales schtick. Stalk them on social media. What are their values? What do they offer? What do past clients say? More items•

Practice articulating your words plainly and in a loud voice so you're made use of to the strategy. Fidgeting is a significant betrayer of low self-confidence, and also most of us fidget without even recognizing it. Various individuals fidget in different methods; for example, some people have a nervous leg-jiggling practice and others have a tendency to wave their hands around in a smacking movement when they talk.

Elizabeth has a larger house and also a wonderful cars and truck than I do. You can see exactly how this may affect our sensations regarding ourselves, the more we do this sort of point.

What it takes to be a great coach?

Great coaches see things as they are, not worse than they are. Great coaches also have vision. https://buttergoal20.webgarden.at/kategorien/buttergoal20-s-blog/the-significance-of-life can see things better than they are and help others to share in that idea. They can create movement that inspires others, so that they roll up their sleeves and do what it takes to get the job done.

It's equally as vital to take something away from the mistakes you make in life. It does not mean you're a bad person, it simply indicates you slipped up. Errors are an opportunity for learning as well as for development, if only we press ourselves out of the self-pity or adverse self-talk we wallow in after one, and try as well as see it from somebody else's eyes. This might also help you to quit the cycle of adverse thinking about on your own that enhance our negative self-worth. When we make established practical expectations in our life, we can stop berating ourselves for not meeting some optimistic objective.

What does a business coach offer?

A business coach is a skilled and qualified person with a background in relevant issues who can oversee, assist, and guide an owner/manager in starting, growing and/or developing a business. This helps to keep the business on the track established, continually moving forward to achieve objectives and goals.

People with low self-confidence have minutes of bliss when every little thing is going right for them, however when things start to go bad, their self-worth goes down very rapidly. They are delicate individuals that are quickly influenced as well as who have a tendency to reveal their opinion, but without defending it.

Do you have to be certified to be a business coach?

Most new coaches assume you need to complete a coaching certification program in order to build a successful coaching business. You absolutely need to learn the fundamentals of coaching and business. But you don't need to drop $15,000 and one year of your life on a coaching certification program.

You could likewise find on your own readjusting your standing position or nodding excessively. Rather, attempt to stall and also just relocate when it remains in an appropriate, deliberate way. This can be hard, especially if you aren't conscious of your fidgeting routines.

The option to these issues is to talk gradually and clearly. Take your time with your sentences-- it will certainly provide you time to find up with far better word options and also will certainly make you seem a lot more certain at the exact same time.

coaching companies =embed">

Vinyasa + Weight Training: Tips From New York Giants' Coach Gwen Lawrence.

Do not be in a hurry to get anywhere, and remember to keep your body position aligned. This sluggish, deliberate collection of motions will certainly make you appear confident, a lot to make sure that individuals numerous lawns far from you will certainly have the ability to pick up on it. Talking as well quickly or in a low tone of voice can make you appear less than positive. It also leaves you susceptible to saying points you do not suggest or mistaking with verbal nonsense.

So that's why we talked with one ex-life coach to give you the sincere reality concerning life coaching, the worry and pain of what she underwent-- as well as ultimately, what drove her to life coaching.

If you are experiencing symptoms of a psychological wellness problem such as depression or anxiety, you need to talk to your medical professional or therapist to discuss your treatment alternatives.

Together with offering the support as well as inspiration essential for maintaining energy, coaches can observe when a customer is stuck or needs to rectify their goals.

Do not see a life coach to attend to significant mental health problems.

Life instructors can offer suggestions that can boost your wellness, yet that does not suggest they can supply psychological health and wellness treatment.

Naturally people are mosting likely to be skeptical concerning first of all counting on a life coach and second of all opening up to a person in an intimate environment.

A life coach isn't a miracle employee, equally as a counsellor isn't.

Method speaking with somebody you know and also ask him or her to recognize any strange traits you may not notice about yourself. Also if you aren't feeling great, nobody needs to know it. Self-confidence can get you several good ideas, so also if you really aren't, there are numerous techniques you can make use of to appear as if you were.

Ipec Coaching.

However even among those with high self-worth, there are people that can certainly be seen off-balance. That is to say, they are unable to frequently preserve this high self-worth. It is very challenging for these individuals to establish healthy and balanced relationships with others.

Keep in mind that acquiring into myths of perfection will certainly harm you and the people in your life. A great added advantage of writing it down is that after a few weeks you can check out all the answers to stay favorable and obtain a good self-confidence boost and change in perspective on days when you might require it the most. These short breaks do not just construct self-confidence over time yet can likewise turn an adverse mood around and reload you with a lot of favorable energy once more.

That you took a healthy and balanced walk or bike ride after work as opposed to being lazy. That you are a caring as well as kind individual in lots of situations.

[scrumptiousalpacadeer]

Paul Thomas Anderson’s THE MASTER and what it may teach us about  mind-control vs freedom Post-Covid

So last night I watched The Master. It was a most pleasing way to spend a Saturday evening; alone, with two cats draped on the sofa and windowsill respectively, and it rounded off a pretty pedestrian Saturday mostly spent mowing and raking the lawn and scattering grass seed whilst *Boo finished reading Jacqueline Wilson’s Rose Rivers whilst occasionally appearing at the back door to yell; ‘mama, you’re driving me nuts with your gardening!’ Somehow I’d been looking forward to scattering my grass seed all week - the promise of moist new green growth on our dusty brown patches. Thing is - and there is a lesson in here somewhere - the grass seed box said it covered 10m square - I guess I got a bit carried away and basically I ran out after one corner. So one corner of my lawn will look like Eden, and the rest will continue to look like some deserted Sicilian scrubland... That’s life, baby, I guess. 

So anyway, The Master....dear God. There are many ways I could go with this...Firstly undiluted, scope, wonder, singular sensitivity, impossible mastery, extreme importance and sheer exalting, agonising beauty of Paul Thomas Anderson’s films is the subject of another post. (I’m still on a high from the explosive visceral experience of watching Daniel Day Lewis in There Will Be Blood and that was, what, 5 years ago? 10 years ago?) Then The Master came out in 2012 and P.T.A. raised his game even more. 

I could, and will another time, talk about the astonishing gift Joaquin Phoenix afforded the world with his embodiment of his character, Freddie Quell. (I say ‘embodiment’; ‘performance’ always strikes me as an incorrect way of describing an actors full immersion in an imagined character’s inner life.) To my mind, Freddie is one of the most affecting, heart-breaking, occasionally funny and downright truthful portrayals of a ‘broken’ man; an exiled, psychologically damaged, wild and lonely spirit who roams the world, desperate for love and acceptance, clearly one of the great ‘un-belonging’ of the post-war world in America. In one the open scenes he simulates fucking an over-sized figure of woman carved in sand on a hot beach, for the amusement of his army pals. In the final scene of the film, after his long long incredible journey , we see him caressing this sand woman again, resting his next to a large sandy breast. Oh poor dear Freddy Quell; my tears ran with him last night; knowing myself in this second viewing of the film, to be so like him. Perhaps one day I will be able to shake Joaquin Phoenix’s hand and say ‘thankyou so much for Freddie.....’ I often feel like that with actors work that resonates through the bones. 

I could also talk about how Philip Seymour Hoffman was possibly the greatest screen actor of his time, and how crazy it was that the world didn’t seem to mourn his tragic early death. Was it perhaps because he died of an accidental heroine overdose? - and this, well, didn’t sit very well with Hollywood. His embodiment here of Lancaster Dodd, charismatic leader of philosophical cult movement The Cause, is breath-taking. But then all his performances were breath-taking. I had a dream about him once (whole other post entitled CELEBRITY DREAMS coming your way); we were kind of friends even though I knew he was dead and his face kept appearing on billboards all over London. If, when; I meet him in the spirit world, I’d like to shake his hand and thank him for Lancaster Dodd and Brandt in The Big Lebowski, and Truman Capote, and also for providing me with one of the most pivotal theatre experiences of my life. August 2001, Edinburgh Festival, I witnessed his production of Jesus Hopped The A Train at The Gilded Balloon; this was running gold theatre. Within half a second of the play ending the entire full house erupted to it’s feet like we’d all been tasered from the floor. Thank you Philip...you gave me faith then that theatre is important; that art comes from dark places and revives...

I could talk about the astonishing crashing score composed by Radiohead’s guitarist Jonny Greenwood.

I could also talk about Amy Adam’s terrifying portrayal of Lancaster’s icy wife Peggy and her utterly brilliant final put-down to Freddie: “you either do this for a billion years, or not at all...” (she’s referencing Freddie’s abandonment of the cult she’s set up with her husband, but this line, I feel, could apply to motherhood...….)

                                                  * * * * * * * * * *

 It usually takes me two viewings for a films deeper meaning to seep in, and last night I was struck by what I see as the heart of the film. The core of the film is relationship between Freddie Quell and Lancaster Dodd; it’s an uncompromising study of male vulnerability and the cosmic search for ‘a father figure’...  On a bigger scale, its about how those in positions of assumed power and influence ( Dodd) rely on the adoration and worship of those whom society deem ‘worthless’ (Quell). It’s about the fragility and corruption of a society whereby a man promises freedom and empowerment to his followers (Dodd devises a system of ‘processing’ whereby he takes initiates back to past traumas through a curious mixture of interrogation and hypnosis and ‘cures’ them; he posits that his vision can cure leukaemia and will bring about world peace) and how those ‘disadvantaged’, the great ‘unloved’ can be absorbed into such an attractive lifestyle. In one painful scene, Freddie is taken to a party at a mansion, filled with monied people and luxurious things. Freddie is dressed smartly for the occasion; but is sweating with nerves and orders a scotch at the earliest opportunity, before hiding away in a side room and stealing an ornament. It took me back to my own exile, when, at the age of 17 I landed at Brentwood Boys School in Essex, and cut off from my parents, shattered from my sister’s suicide and a lifetime of confusion, I nonetheless attended many a glorious party; a perfect size 10 and top of the class, I knew how to say all the right things. But, like Freddie, I knew I didn’t and wouldn’t ever fit it. Like him, I would often sneak off to the side rooms, get off my head drunk to hide my shame and hopeless, and cause some fight..

In the end, despite himself, Freddie starts to see through Lancaster’s bullshit and returns to his life on the road. Though The Cause had given him a home, suits and ties, friendship, respect and a certain ‘standing’ that he could only have dreamed of, as he confesses to Peggy at the end, before returning to his own brand of personal lonely freedom; ‘it’s just not how I look’.  

                                                        * * * * * * * 

“Don’t you know, They’re talking about a revolution it sounds like a whisper Don’t you know you’d better run run run run run run run run.....” Tracey Chapman 

Talkin’ About A Revolution

What I find heartening and deeply exciting about these early post-Covid times, as the first chinks of sunlight pour in through windows that have separated us from friends, lovers, fellow man for so long, is that people are choosing freedom. In small ways, perhaps, but I get the overall sense that for many people, fear has had its day. As my dear friend said over tea the other day; ‘people are thinking fuck this, fuck it, we wanna fuck’....well, exactly. 

It was this dear friend I met up with in her wood a few weeks ago; we hugged each other day, and it was such a joyous relief to see her I told her that if I got the virus and killed me, oh fuck it, it would be worth it, just to sit next to her by a river on a sunny day...

I’ve had two other conversations lately to support my little theory; a particularly cheerful friend of mine turned up with her daughter unannounced on my doorstep couple of weeks back  - they had a bag of clothes; would Boo like them? Initially we did the ‘2 m’ thing, paying homage to THE RULES as dictated by the blessed government of this land; I hovered on the threshold of my kitchen - she stood outside by the flower-pots. Then I broke the rules; ‘look, do you wanna come in?’ - That was it. The ice was broken - and she stood, blond, beaming and glorious with her big sunglasses on, in my little kitchen - along with her daughter and mine, and I could literally have feasted forever on the sheer joyous fleshiness of having three other living homo sapiens near me. That sunny day in early June, two women in a small village in Sussex chose freedom. ‘I’ve just had enough of all this virus stuff’ she said ‘I’m even dreaming about it! I’ve just had enough’. 

Then last week a friend came over with her three glorious girl children and told me how her youngest, a endlessly sweet six yr old, had ‘hidden behind a tree with her friend so that they could have a hug’. Lets think about that for a moment; six years olds hiding behind trees to have a hug. Its pretty damn sad. And weird. This friend had been on full on paranoid lockdown due to one of the children’s potential serious health issues - but she’d reached breaking point. ‘I’ve had enough’ she said. And that day her girls and my daughter raced up and down the stairs and around the garden in glorious flagrance of any state prescribed social distancing rules. 

                                                * * * * * * * * * * * 

In the end, Freddie breaks free from his master’s and The Cause’s control and continues - we assume -  his lonely drift around the world. In their final agonising meeting, Lancaster reveals the smashed ungenerous ego of a despot thwarted by his adoring lover: ‘if I meet you in a future life I will show you no mercy, you will be my sworn enemy’. Freddie, emaciated, tearful and ever desperate to belong, asks Lancaster to reveal to him how and where they’d met in a previous life... He knows it’s bullshit, in the way I knew my father was incapable of loving me, but when you’ve got a Krakatoa sized hole in your heart, you just can’t stop hoping somehow...pledging allegiance to a resplendent asshole is somehow better than our greatest fear; the abyss of loneliness and isolation. Lets face it; freedom is pretty terrifying after such a long stretch of captivity. 

That’s the thing in these Covid times; we always have a choice. We have a choice now, whether to be continue to be afraid or whether to choose freedom. Whether to cut loose and go racing into the desert on a motorbike back to his first love, like Freddie does, following his own destiny, not succumbing to control forces that on the surface entice him into a richer more glamorous life. 

And I’m not talking about being an complete idiot and denying there’s a serious virus still on the loose, or hugging scared people in the street to prove a point, and I’m not denying  that many people are extremely vulnerable - I’m talking about something entirely different; that deep inner decision that calls in all of us - whether to choose the uncharted waters of freedom, or rest in an all-too familiar fear zone. 

To conclude, my dear friend Matilda sent me this book ‘Big Magic - Creative Living By Fear’ by Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love (I’ve just watched the film its rather good I think...) Anyway, there’s this great chapter called Fear Is Boring which rang through me, growing up as I did drenched in the anxiety of a Munchausen Syndrome-by-proxy mother (WHOLE other post...) - but here’s what she says about the time, age fifteen, she ‘wised up’ to fear and chose another way: 

“I noticed that my fear never changed, never delighted, never offered a surprise twist or an unexpected ending. My fear was a song with only one note - only one word, actually - and that word was “STOP!” 

Dear reader, I’m shitting myself with the best of them, but I’ve had enough of fear. I’m not stopping. I’m going. What do you say?..... xxxx 

Big love from Christine 

[prunerronald9-blog]

Non Normal Home Insurance Coverage

Former professional U.S. football gamers with a history of concussions may be more prone to experience low testosterone and erectile dysfunction later in life, a recent research suggests. Researchers examined survey knowledge collected from 3,409 mostly center-aged former Nationwide Soccer League (NFL) gamers from 2015 to 2017. Total, 18.3% of them had low testosterone and 22.7% had erectile dysfunction. “Unfortunately, this study doesn't shed any mild on whether or not there are actions that can be taken after a head injury to minimize risk of sexual health points,” Grashow stated by email. “However, erectile dysfunction and low testosterone are conditions that can be very aware of interventions like medications, as well as different optimistic health activities like train, maintaining a wholesome weight-reduction plan and treating sleep circumstances. Researchers additionally requested participants if a healthcare provider had ever really helpful that they take prescription medication for low testosterone or erectile dysfunction. Former players within the research have been 53 years previous, on common, and had played in the NFL for a median of 6.Eight seasons.

With cancers similar to leukaemia and lymphoma

Masood W., Uppaluri K., Ketogenic Diet. 2018 May, Campbell University. PMID: NBK499830

Hair Loss, Mayo Clinic. Link right here

What can I do at dwelling for hair loss

A localised infection, corresponding to tinea capitis

four fl oz

THE DANGERS OF PROCESSED SUGARS

The affected person was then diagnosed with persistent retinal toxicity linked to the excessive dose of medicine damaging the outer retina. His tinted vision has not improved more than a yr after his initial analysis, regardless of various remedies. Mount Sinai researchers used state-of-the-art know-how, including adaptive optics (AO) and optimal coherence tomography (OCT), to look at his retina for proof of structural injury on the cellular level, something that had by no means been accomplished before. AO is a sophisticated expertise that permits clinicians to examine microscopic structures of the attention in dwelling patients with extreme detail in actual time. OCT is an advanced imaging system that reveals the cross-sectional details of the retina layer by layer. The high-tech imaging allowed investigators to see microscopic harm to the cones of the retina, the cells that are liable for color imaginative and prescient. The injury was much like that seen in animal fashions of hereditary retinal disease corresponding to retinitis pigmentosa or cone-rod dystrophy.

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One factor is certain: a patient’s mindset is integral to how properly they cope with the sickness, and how badly it impacts them. https://restoreantiaging.co/gainswave/ are sometimes prescribed remedies that deal with pores and skin symptoms. But ideally, this could be combined with some type of talking therapy or mindfulness. In more severe instances, a course of anti-anxiety or antidepressant medicine might also present much-wanted relief from feelings of low temper triggered by the condition. Just a little talked-about facet of psoriasis is how it affects intimate areas. For one patient of mine, the agony of her skin situation solely strikes when she goes to the rest room. Instead of thickened, flaky blotches of pores and skin on her limbs, she has pink, sensitive patches and cracks between her buttocks. Some patients who come to clinic discover their love lives are badly affected by their symptoms. They lack confidence and can actually battle being intimate with their partners. Another relatively unknown drawback is erectile dysfunction. Psoriasis sufferers are more likely to encounter this concern than healthy males. This could have both a psychological or bodily trigger, but both manner, it’s essential to tell your doctor who can refer you to a specialist.

How long till I've the results I paid for? Day 3: “Patients may begin to wash their head adhering to the submit-operative washing instructions, using special lotion and shampoo. Days 5-7: “Within 5-7 days following the operation, the transplanted grafts will develop into stronger, and won't be dislodged by touching. Patients should avoid scratching the transplanted space. They might feel an itching sensation throughout this period. 1-3 months put up-surgery: “Shedding of the transplanted hair, also referred to as Shock Loss, is skilled throughout this stage. This occurs due to the temporary rest section that every one transplanted hair follicles enter after a hair transplant procedure. 3 months post-surgery: “Patients can expect new hair development often within 5 to 6 months following the procedure. By 6 to 10 months: “Patients will start to note probably the most spectacular distinction for the reason that preliminary process. Do transplants work in a different way for various kinds of hair? Do males with thick, curly hair or afro-textured hair have different experiences?

[sirius-whoisleft]

GENERAL INFORMATION ➤

Full Legal Name: Sirius Orion Black III Nickname(s): Padfoot Age: 18 Gender & Pronouns: cisgender male; he/him Sexuality: Initially, I began writing him as a demiromantic pansexual. However, I am pleased to announce that with each day I write him? He not only gets gayer, but his capacity to love and crush and pine grows threefold. 

Date of Birth: November 3rd Horoscope: Scorpio, baby!!!!! Hogwarts House: Gryffindor, though and through Nationality: French by way of London  Occupation:

Sirius is currently a seventh year Gryffindor student at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry which is, all things considered, a pretty sweet gig. He’s preparing for NEWTS! He’s living off the trust fund provided for him by his dearly departed Uncle Alphard! He hasn’t been kicked out yet! He’s snogging his boyfriend in the library every chance he gets!

And, improbably, Sirius Black is preparing for his future. 

Recently, Sirius had been admitted to the competitive and prestigious Gringott’s cursebreaking training program. After graduation, he’ll make that five-times-a-week trek down to Diagon Alley and immerse himself in ancient societies, runes, translations, curse-handling, history, desert magic and...yes...wait for it...copious paperwork! Upon graduation from the program, Sirius will emerge a newly minted and proud Cursebreaker, working at the bank’s back office most days, doing research and translations and the like, but also getting his hands dirty on trips. The pyramids of Egypt and the tombs of China will call to him, and he can’t wait to see them all!

Unfortunately, his time with the cursebreakers will be cut short, and he’ll hurl himself headlong into his Order of the Phoenix membership under Alastor Moody’s dark influence...but that’s a story for another day.

Summarized in One Word: Bombastic!

APPEARANCE ➤

Faceclaim: Ben Barnes Height: Just as with the sexuality question, Sirius gets both gayer AND SHORTER the longer I write him. Currently he’s hovering around 5′7″ by accurate standards, but in my mind he’s a tiny little pocket bastard. Hair Color: Black Eye Color: Grey Noticeable Features: Devastating good looks. Emphasis on the devastating due to the strong Black family resemblance. A growing collection of tattoos. Long hair that he’s wont to elegantly flick away from his eyes. Perpetual haughty looks off into the distance. 

Typical Outfit or General Fashion Sense: Sirius dresses simply, but well. How well depends on the occasion and your personal opinion, but it can’t be argued that he looks good doing it. His typical layabout clothes consist of either a band-tee or button-down with a pair of trousers or muggle jeans (the magic of which Remus Lupin introduced him to); for formal affairs, he still remembers how to walk the walk and can pull off a suit and tie with uncomfortable ease. 

Truth be told, Sirius is still figuring out his fashion sense! He went from his clothing being dictated by his family to skating by on a Hogwarts uniform for several years. He’ll come into his own slowly and with purpose – the first step being an overindexing on punky, black leather jackets. 

HISTORY ➤

Hometown: London Financial Status: Trust fund bastard! After being cut off by the House of Black, Sirius coasted by broke and on the basis of favors from the Potter family for over a year before his Uncle Alphard passed away and left him a hefty little nest egg with which to make his way in the world. For all his talk about wanting to be of the common people and despising the wealthy and all they stand for, Sirius was raised with the safety net of exorbitant wealth and still defaults to many of those old habits and assumptions.  Spoken Languages: French was his first language, followed by English and then Latin. He’s deeply interested in dead languages and the study of runes.  Dream Job: Cursebreaker!  Bad Habits: Biting the inside of his cheek. Lashing out at those that care about him most. Pushing friends and concern away. Refusing to apply himself lest he try and fail. Squandering his education. Cocaine, alcohol, and other substances; his general proneness to addition. Recklessness and adrenaline-highs. Stealing the covers at night. Joking to cover up his real feelings. A proclivity for dark magic. Singing in the shower. 

FAMILY BACKGROUND ➤

Mother: Walburga Black (neé Black), estranged. Father: Orion Black, estranged.  Sibling(s): Regulus Black, estranged.  Pet(s): n/a Cousin(s): Bellatrix Black. Andromeda Black. Narcissa Black. Evan Rosier.

MAGICAL ABILITIES ➤

Wand: Reed, dragon heartstring, 10 ½ inches, rigid

Patronus (and which memory they’re currently using to cast a patronus if they can, or which one they’d use if they could): Like his Animagus form, Sirius’s patronus takes the shape of a large dog. He’s able to cast it with highly varying levels of success lately; while he has a good tutor in Remus and a willingness to try, Sirius’s magic has always been affected by his mood swings and he just...has too many of those to predict. His most successful attempts have been driven by days of rare concentration and memories colored by the other Marauders. Currently, were he to try and produce one, Sirius would think about the day that Remus kissed him in their dormitory following The Prank fallout – giving him affection and forgiveness and a second chance.

Boggart: The House of Black version of himself - the one that might have happened if he hadn’t been able to break away from his family in time.

OWLS: Ancient Runes, History of Magic, Astronomy, Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Potions, Herbology, Arithmancy NEWTS: Ancient Runes (O), History of Magic (A), Astronomy (O), Charms (O), Defense Against the Dark Arts (O), Transfiguration (E), Potions (O), Arithmancy (O)

What Kind of Magic do They Excel at: 

Sirius’s best subject is Defense Against the Dark Arts. He is handy with a wand, knows his own power, and is unafraid to act in the heat of the moment – perhaps a bit recklessly, but there’s nothing life-or-death about the inside of the classroom, and so he simply manages to come off looking talented. 

The most important reason behind him succeeding in that class is the simple fact that he believes it to be useful; it’s going to Mean Something in the Real World, and so it’s one of the few school subjects that commands his attention and respect in equal measure. 

He also has a talent for Ancient Runes that’s finally being appreciated—now that he’s allowing people to appreciate it, and owning his deep interest in the subject openly—and, unfortunately, for the complexities of Dark Magic. 

PSYCHOLOGY ➤

MB Type: The Campaigner

Few personality types are as creative and charismatic as Campaigners. Known for their idealism and enthusiasm, Campaigners are good at dealing with unexpected challenges and brightening the lives of those around them. Campaigners’ imagination is invaluable in many areas, including their own personal growth.

Yet Campaigners can be easily tripped up in areas where idealism and kindness are more of a liability than an asset. Whether it is finding (or keeping) a partner, staying calm under pressure, reaching dazzling heights on the career ladder or making difficult decisions, Campaigners need to put in a conscious effort to develop their weaker traits and additional skills.

Enneagram: ENFP [read more]

Excellent communicators. ENFPs have outstanding communication skills and they know how to use them. They will engage anyone in conversation at the drop of a hat, and they know how to draw others out in a way that keeps the discussion flowing. Whether casually shooting the breeze or collaborating in the workplace, ENFPs provide the horsepower that keeps the engine of conversation humming along.

Imaginative. ENFPs are imaginative problem solvers and reject the idea that traditional ways are always the best. In every situation they believe an original approach is possible—and desirable—and they refuse to become prisoners of habit or routine. They see roadblocks as opportunities, and they confront every challenge they face with fresh eyes and no preconceived notions.

Natural leaders. ENFPs step forward to assume positions of leadership readily and instinctively. They are confident in their ability to handle demanding responsibilities many people find scary or intimidating. ENFP leaders are consensus builders who work hard to gain the trust of their associates, patiently listening to their ideas and reacting enthusiastically to their good suggestions. Their assertive, “can-do” attitude inspires others and motivates them to action.

Strong social conscience. Often active in social movements, ENFPs stand up for what they believe in without apology. Some people talk the compassion game but don’t follow through with meaningful action, but ENFPs believe it is vitally important to back up caring words with good deeds. Despite their friendly nature, an ENFP will go supernova with righteous anger when they are exposed to suffering and injustice. They can get quite loud and assertive, if that’s what it takes to get their opinions heard.

Hypersensitivity. ENFPs sometimes let their imaginations run wild and often perceive bad intentions that don’t really exist. Being hyper-alert and aware helps ENFPs improve their social comprehension, but reading between the lines only works when something is actually hidden there. If it isn’t, misunderstandings can occur and hurt feelings can damage good relationships.

Lack of focus and follow through. ENFPs are endlessly creative, capable of filling a thousand days with a thousand bold ideas. But they don’t always follow through on their inspirations, and if others are not brought on board to handle the details, their best ideas may never be put into practice. ENFPs rely on their initial excitement and passion too much and don’t always show the discipline necessary to translate their ideas into real-world production. They have a tendency to start new projects before the last ones are finished, and failing to see things through is where ENFPs sometimes come up short. 

Overthink things. ENFPs have a tendency to perceive slights, resentments or hostility where none actually exist, and their habit of overanalyzing other people’s behavior can lead to unnecessary anger and conflict. If ENFPs aren’t receiving as many compliments as they expect from their significant others, their insecurities can be activated and they may start to feel unappreciated and unloved. 

Overemotional and approval-seeking. While emotional expression is a core part of the ENFP's identity, they can come on too strong. The bubbly, energetic style of ENFPs doesn’t mesh well with every partner and introverts, in particular, can sometimes feel steamrolled in their presence. ENFPs are also approval-seekers, and in their desire to receive praise and acknowledgment they may try a little too hard to make a good impression, talking too much and listening too little in the process. 

Moral Alignment: Chaotic Good

Archetype:

55% Rebel - The Rebel is comfortable throwing caution to the wind—and bucking the system...if that means getting their point across.

25% Advocate - The Advocate is the one everyone wants on their side. In the name of justice, they are not afraid to challenge authority or speak up for others.

20% Caregiver - Friendly, sincere, and compassionate, the Caregiver finds their reward in helping others. No one could ask for a better best friend.

Temperament: Sanguine

[inthedrift]

Hansen Family Feels

So I have a lot of Hansen Family feels, mostly Chuck Hansen Feels, let's be honest, but I've made a load of notes on posts the past few weeks that I feel would benefit from being put into a longer thing and just analyse all these FEELS and try and form them into something resembling sanity.

I'm gonna use some pictures, some quotes and some gif sets/posts to help explain where either the thoughts came from or help highlight the example.

2 heads up if you do click on this

 I made myself cry writing this

 It’s 2.9K 

So Chuck is introduced as the cocky and competent young guy like he wants people to know he's fucking fantastic at what he does "That's a new record" you wouldn't say that if you didn't feel like you had something to prove.

Because Chuck grew up watching his father and the others during the highlights of the war, watching all the pilots being fawned over, they had interviews and parades and bloody sportswear contracts and people adored them and Chuck.

Chuck didn't get into a jaeger until after Knifehead, when the public and the government had become disillusioned with the pilots and the programme and Chuck who hadn't just wanted to get into a jaeger to avenge his mum, but because he wanted to be the best and here he is. Piloting the best jaeger ever made and no one seems to care.

So Chuck had more than likely idolised the Beckets - hell he has that jacket and Herc isn't exactly the sort of bloke that would wear one of those jackets so 100% its copying Becket boys. And then not only does Raleigh bail and go build a bloody wall for 5 years but it was their failure that was like a nail in the coffin and so I think Chuck's anger isn't just that Raleigh isn't good enough. It's that he holds Raleigh responsible for taking that opportunity away.

But I'm not saying that Chuck is fame hungry, no. I'm saying that he was brought up constantly in his father's shadow and their relationship is rocky and I'm guessing that Chuck didn't get a lot of praise or Herc being proud of him and that's what he wants he wants to feel that someone is proud of him, that someone appreciates him.

So queue Raleigh walking into the Shatterdome and Herc sees them and just shoots a stern "Wait here" at Chuck before going over and greeting Raleigh

And Herc obviously respects Raleigh and he's all smiles and friendly and discussing the "good ol' days" and is sincere in his apology to Raleigh about Yancy being dead and like we can probably assume that he has never either congratulated Chuck on a good run or talked about his mum as their both too emotionally constipated and its not really a shock that Chuck is pissed before they even start

And then you have the cafeteria scene, and Herc is all warm smiles and physical contact with Raleigh - and honestly except for holding Chuck back or shaking him off when do we actually see Herc and Chuck touch?

And Herc is then feeding Raleigh - with Chuck's food because like Chuck has nothing in front of him and Rals wasn't even in the mess when Herc obviously went and got the food and Chuck is understandably pissed. Because Herc is treating Raleigh like a son and that's Chuck's dad, it should be him that gets that attention and that affection.

He shouldn't have to share that and why doesn't Herc treat him like this and that will just open up all those wounds that have been there probably since before his mum died, are just being poked and prodded at.

Chuck wants that love from Herc but he has no clue how to get it and I think on a level that he maybe doesn't feel he deserves it, because obviously Herc is more than willing to give that sort of affection out to blokes who run away and hide for 5 years but he won't give it to his only son. I think Chuck maybe thinks he's too far gone to be worthy of that and that makes him hold the anger closer because that's something that Herc can't ignore or take away from him, can't give that away to someone else.

So it's no wonder he wants to fight Raleigh, so would I. Chuck has always felt that if he just fought harder, fought better, was better then Herc would love him, but then Raleigh has come in a broken failure and Herc treats him so much better and Chuck can't cope with that because clearly its not about him not being a good enough ranger.

It's about him not being a good enough person, not being a good enough son, and Herc only cements that fact in the deleted scene. (x)

Because Herc tells him exactly that. That he's a great ranger but that means nothing because he isn't good. And the way Chuck leans back and the look he gives Herc, tells you so much. Because how dare he.

Chuck lost his mother at 10, and when he needed a parent the most Herc wasn't there and he was left to jaeger techs and machines for so long. Watching this idolised version of his dad on a tv and only experiencing the vague presence of a shell of that man.

And then he was shoved into a jaeger at 16, he never had a childhood and then not only did he have to grow up way quicker than he should have after scissure but then he had to again and this time he got to see himself through the funhouse mirror that is his dads memories in the drift. I'd put money on them being regret and pain and anguish and constantly associating Chuck with the loss of Angela and fuck that's gonna mess a kid up.

And Chuck takes those shots at Herc, says "you didn't raise me to be anything" and "we don't even need to speak at all" because he wants to hurt him, just like he's been hurt. Because Herc is just needling that wound, that Raleigh Becket is better than Chuck will ever be because he's 'good' and Chuck is just that 10 year old boy inside, full of hurt and anger.

And Herc knows all of this, because the drift goes both ways and he knows how hurt and angry Chuck is, but they're both so stubborn and don't know how to express these things that all they do is hurt each other more.

So now we come to the fight with Leatherback and Chuck is so quick to rush over to Herc and help him up and yeah sure he's saying "Get up Old Man" but it's not a dig at that point, it's a way to hide his fear, because Herc hit fucking hard. Like he could have died in that hit and Chuck is scared, he's stuck in a giant metal death trap with a giant monster outside and he nearly lost his dad.

So Chuck tries to help him up and Herc shakes him off (not a brilliant screenshot it's dark and happens hella quick so time stamp is 1:17:27 ish) and Chucks anger sores back to the surface because even when he's broken Herc doesn't want Chuck’s help.

We know that this isn't about Chuck, that it's about Herc not wanting to appear weak, can't appear weak but that's not how Chuck sees it, we know that from psychology that children can't see their parents reasoning in these circumstances and can only take it as a slight upon them, and again it hits at all of Chuck's insecurities.

And Herc does it AGAIN when they're climbing onto Striker's head and Chuck doesn't even react because this is obviously just what he expects and that's so awful that he just expects to be shoved away by his father, but still he follows this insane plan because he loves his dad and he trusts him with his life.

And that brings me to this post (x)

Because the tags are perfect here and highlight so many things. Because Chuck is 21, he's barely an adult and he's not a well-adjusted adult at that. He doesn't think he's gonna see his 22nd birthday hell he's probably astounded he made it this far, and here he is screaming at his worst nightmares come to life with only anger in his heart because that's all he knows.

And Herc, bless him because while all of this post has been about how much damage Herc has done to Chuck there isn't any Herc hate here let me be 100% clear about that. Because Herc will never win dad of the year but he loved Chuck with his whole being.

Imagine having to look at your son and every day wonder how disappointed Angela would be at what you'd done to her sweet boy. Because that's what he will see, he will see all the damage and pain he caused and brought on the kid and he will just hate himself for it, but again Chuck won't see that the regret will be about how Herc did as a parent. Chuck will see the regret as Herc regretting having him for a son.

But Herc loved Chuck wholeheartedly because he knew Chuck was a 1st Class arsehole, and he still adored him, not because he was the perfect son or the perfect ranger or because he listened to him. He loved him because he was CHUCK.

So Herc may have done bad things and made bad decisions but he never did them for the wrong reasons. He did them to protect Chuck, protect Chuck from the programme, from the kaiju, from his own grief and pain.

So I love Herc because yeah he made mistakes but he knows that and everything he did was deep down, from a place of love.

And this (x) gif set I feel lays out the feelings that these two men go through really well. It's times that Chuck walks away from Herc and there are 3 distinctly different things occurring each time.

We focus on Herc the first 2 times that Chuck walks away because Chuck's emotions in both of those scenes are plain to see, he's angry with hurt coming in a close second. Herc's emotions are a little more detailed.

The first time you see the anger - the ranger. Chuck knows better, he was in the wrong in this circumstance, he shouldn't have been brawling like a child and Herc is angry from not just a parental point of view but as a co-pilot and a senior ranger.

The second time you see the disappointment - the father. The fact that Chuck is like this because of Herc, because he didn't do a good enough job as a parent, and he worries what Angela would think of the two of them now. He thinks that she'd probably hate him for making their son into this man. And he honestly doesn't recognise the man in front of him, because he can't equate him to the boy he knew and he knows that's on him.

But the last time the focus shifts and it's on Chuck because his emotions are important here, they aren't anger this time. Far from it. He doesn't want to turn away this time.

The emotion here is regret - its the son. He regrets not having been a better son, not having a better relationship with his dad, he regrets it all. And he knows that he's leaving Herc alone and that he hasn't done enough to fix the damage that is between them. Sure he's helped begin that healing, but he's about to go to his death and he can only hope that he's done enough that Herc won't think of him badly.

And obviously, we now have to address THAT (x) scene. Because this is it. This is the goodbye that neither of them got to have with Angela, and yet they can't say it. Because they are who they are and so we don't get the words "I love you" or "goodbye" no we get something that to these two men means so much more.

Because Herc tells him exactly what he needs to hear, he tells him that he's always loved him by saying "all the things" and Chuck for all that he's stubborn and emotionally stunted can see the pain and the hurt in his father's eyes.

They're probably still ghosting and Chuck will be able to feel all of it because when they're in a jaeger they probably push it all away because addressing that much emotion and anger would cause major RABIT. But here, now Chuck can feel it all.

And Chuck tells him that he knows and confirms to Herc that he doesn't hate him. Yeah, of course, he hates the things he's done and the way he made him feel, but he doesn't hate Herc, how could he, because his whole life he's wanted to be like him.

That's why he wanted to be the best because he saw Herc as the best and he just wanted to emulate that in the only way he knew how. And Stacker telling him that he is his father's son, it just put a balm on all of that pain and all the angry wounds.

Because Chuck achieved what he wanted to and someone acknowledged that, because Chuck knew how good his dad was and wanted to be that good a person and thats why he was so hurt. Because he saw that funhouse mirror version of himself and knew that he could never be that and then here is Stacker saying that he did. That he is.

And then Herc claims him. Tells him that he loves him and is proud of him and that he would give anything to trade places with Chuck or to be the man beside him in that conn-pod because there is no-one he would trust more to fight against and there is no-one that he would rather stand his last stand with.

And the pride here, that you can see how proud he is of Chuck. That Chuck says even his last moments Chuck is showing how much he respects Herc. Because he wants to be his dad and wants to make him proud and that pride is so clear here and it breaks your heart, because Chuck probably knew how proud Herc was in that moment but he never got to see it.

Which brings me finally onto Max. Because we all know as Rob says that Max was a way for Chuck and Herc to talk, because they couldn't talk, so any affection or emotion they show that dog is often the emotions they are showing to each other or how they feel about each other in that moment.

So we're introduced to Max the first time we really see the Hansens and Herc takes Max over to meet Raleigh and the group and Chuck stands there and calls back Max almost as soon as he possibly can.

And look at how he holds him, because Chuck wants to make it clear that Max is his and Raleigh and Mako can't have him and honestly I think it does reflect that Chuck doesn't want to share his dad, because he is his dad. His isn't Mako's or Raleigh's and sometimes Herc is more fatherly to the two of them than Chuck and he doesn't want to share and that shows here and in the way he holds Max through the scene in the mess hall.

And then you have the goodbye (x), because while Chuck doesn't say goodbye to Herc directly he says it to Max and you know that he's not saying it just to Max, because even without the direction that Guillermo gave of "Imagine you are kneeling before your father asking for forgiveness" you can see it in the way Rob delivers the scene.

Because Chuck is telling Herc that he's gonna miss him just as much as he's telling Max and he shows Max the physical affection that he can't show his dad, he's saying goodbye.

And the "Look after him for me" isn't just asking Herc to look after Max, because of course, Herc will look after Max, because he adores Max and it's the only thing he will have left of Chuck. He's telling Herc to look after himself because Chuck won't be around to anymore and he needs to be sure that Herc is gonna be ok when he's gone. Because he knows how Herc dealt with the grief of losing his wife how the hell is he gonna cope losing his son.

And I think that's why Rob's conversation with me hurt so much and I had to try so hard not to cry in front of him. Because of course if Chuck could in any way stay around to keep an eye on Herc he would. So that's why he's still in the drift, that's why he's still there.

Because he's just had Herc confirm that he loves him and respects him and is so so proud of him and he's basically just been given all the validation in the world. So, of course, his idea of paradise would be piloting Striker for eternity with his father by his side, so why would he not still exist in the drift?

[alpinepagan-blog]

You have 10 minutes of being cute and sexy

"You have 10 minutes of being cute and sexy, and then you better have something to talk about because otherwise the member will not stay," says Andra Chirnogeanu, Studio 20's PR manager. "I was alone in the room, and it felt like there were hundreds of people around me. And I couldn't keep up with what they were all saying, and what they were asking of me. It was quite shocking. But then I learned to be perceptive about which member was a potential paying customer and not to waste time with all of them in the free online space."Each network will ask you to fill out a brief bit of biographical information — list your interests, and try to sound fun — and then check a box or pull down a menu saying that you're 18 or above. You'll need to submit some sort of identification proving your age, but with standards low, laws international, and documents scanned, forging such a thing is a cinch, making underage cam girls a real problem."It's psychologically damaging to stay 12 hours in an office getting paid a minimum wage," she says.

I knew then, that before I could construct a cohesive argument to put toward my friend, that I needed to take another look at the situation from a broader perspective. I knew that if I came at it purely from my own personal experience that I would ultimately fail. Firstly, I needed to find out if the topic had been discussed at length already - I had heard bits and pieces about the industry and its link to feminism but this time I immersed myself. When I typed in feminism and stripping” there was more material than I ever would have possibly imagined, and I read article after article after article.Heidi sells her underwear for $100 and has performed sex acts on other girls for her followers.The slim university student from Melbourne claims she earned $400 for her first session – and her 'mind was blown'.You’d think that all an Insta celeb has to do is look hot, but it’s actually a full time job. Ona Artist posts new photos every day and does a week of photoshoots every month. She manages all her social media and built her own website. The way her business model works is that she advertises on Instagram and from there, people can go to her private site and cam with her naked. On Instagram, because of censorship restrictions, you can’t see her nude. So, the more you want from her, the more you pay, and the more explicit it gets. It's just like any other online business, really.

Andra Chirnogeanu, Studio 20's PR Manager, also rejects the idea that this is risky or psychologically damaging work.If you've looked at porn online (which we pretty much all have), you've likely been propositioned by advertisements for cam girl networks. They invade your peripheral vision; they pop up behind your window. The women wait for you to start staring, and, just when you're interested, they hit you up for money. You've seen them sitting at their keyboards, wearing barely anything, winking at you, typing to nobody in particular with thin, lethargic arms: bored and conventionally beautiful. The ads, with flirty video that might be live or recorded years ago, shout at you with promises of "Live Sex Chat" and "Sex Shows", with both amateurs and "pornstars" alike. It's a web red light district, and unlike some gaudy Dutch strip or seedy sidewalk, you're completely anonymous. The sex comes to you."There's a lot of burnout in this industry," Domino tells me over the phone from one of the three houses she owns in Wisconsin — one of them a lakefront property outside of Madison. She says it with a serious voice that sounds a little tired.Being a cam girl, specifically, can be a great option for sex workers because it’s a lot safer than when you are with a client in person. Cam girls still have to protect themselves, of course; making sure people can’t find out their addresses or real names. Those are things that workers in all facets of the sex industry have to worry about, whether you’re a stripper or an escort. But cam girls have the privilege of working from their homes or a studio, where they don't have that threat of violence or diseases. Or they just don’t have to deal with a client having bad breath. CONTINUED BELOW...

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

Imagine two people walking through a field. One of them tiptoes gingerly, zigging and zagging from one side to another. The other strides confidently straight ahead. Who looks more like they know what they’re doing?

Now what if I told you the field is full of land mines?

Confidence doesn’t equal competence. But our brains tend to assume it does. And that can create big problems when scientific evidence collides with political rhetoric. The senator who confidently throws a snowball to prove that winter is cold can be more memorable (and more believable) than the one who takes the podium to carefully explain how we know fossil fuel use is changing climate over decades. “Denialism has an advantage. Absolutely. There’s no question,” said Stephan Lewandowsky, professor of cognitive psychology at the University of Bristol in the UK.

As the U.S. confronts what to do about climate change, human psychology leaves climate-conscious politicians in a tough spot. Political action means convincing both constituents and colleagues that said action has to be taken and that you know the right path forward. But the global climate system, and our understanding of how humans are altering it, is complex and nuanced enough that talking about it can easily involve a stumbled series of “ifs,” “ands” and “buts.” So it’s worth asking: Is the science of rhetoric fundamentally at odds with the science of evidence-based policymaking?

Scientists who study the psychology of storytelling and rhetoric say there are several factors that give climate change denialists an advantage in the political marketplace. Simplicity and smoothness of the message is a big part of it, said Eryn Newman, professor of psychology at the Australian National University. In an email, she told me that the easier it is to process information, the more likely people are to believe it.

In other words, the simpler the words are to understand, the clearer and more consistent the narrative is and the more absolute and concrete the claims, the more likely people are to nod along. Anything that makes us briefly confused or makes our train of thought stumble will make an idea less believable. On the extreme end, this effect can mean that people have a harder time believing experts whose names they can’t pronounce, Newman told me. And in one study, a question asked in a hard-to-read typeface even makes it less believable. Scientists asked participants to read and answer a question that was intentionally flawed — “How many animals of each kind did Moses take on the ark?” When the font was less easily legible, people were more likely to notice that it was Noah, not Moses, who built the biblical boat.

Pretty often, we’re just working off intuition about what seems reasonable, Newman said. And this effect matters to political debates about climate change because scientists and advocates of climate change action often sacrifice smoothness of narrative and ease of processing in favor of nuance and accuracy.

Case in point: The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change report.

This is the document that summarizes climate science for politicians and the public. It’s pretty crucial to lay understandings of climate risks and to the crafting of policy meant to address those risks. But a 2015 study showed that the language used in the IPCC report tends to be more cautious, more complex, and less confident than language used by a factually misleading denialist report. The IPCC had more tentative words, more modifiers, more use of passive voice. The other report confidently told a narrative with fewer caveats.

“They have a rhetorical advantage because they don’t have to be scientific. They want to be politically effective. And that makes it very easy to come across as being convincing,” Lewandowsky said.

The trouble, of course, is that nuance and complexity aren’t always optional.

Take, for instance, the data that the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration collects on trends in natural disaster frequency. One metric that’s tracked is events where damage is valued at $1 billion or more. The statistic combines winter storms, wildfires, hurricanes, severe storms, freezing, flooding and drought. Since 1980, these events have become more frequent … and more expensive. There are only eight years that had 10 or more of these billion-dollar disasters, and seven of those years have happened since 2008.

This metric can tell us something about the risks of climate change, said Adam Smith, an applied climatologist at NOAA’s National Centers for Environmental Information Center for Weather & Climate. Other research shows that drought, heavy rainfall, and sea levels are all increasing in the United States and those things play a role in increasing the costs associated with fires, floods, and hurricanes. Combined, this is all useful information for politicians and the public to have because it helps us make cost/benefit analyses and decide what risks are too big.

But you also can’t talk about this metric without clarifying that the increase in billion dollar disasters isn’t totally attributable to climate change. As Smith wrote in a NOAA blog, some of it also has to do with increases in wealth, population, and the size and scale of buildings built in high-risk zones. But those caveats don’t mean climate had nothing to do with the cost increases.1 Climate isn’t the whole picture but it is part of the picture. Politicians can certainly simplify this into something less accurate and more sticky. But, by doing that, they also open up a space for another politician to point out the discrepancy and create doubt. The metric is valuable, but can only be explained in ways that tend to make it — psychologically speaking — less believable than an all-or-nothing factoid.

And this is why the political rhetoric of climate change is such a pickle. The very nature of the science means it’s easy for opponents to rebut it with doubt. You can see that at work in the “sound science” movement my colleague Christie Aschwanden wrote about in 2017. Gathering scientific evidence is always a nuanced and complex process. So it’s easy for someone with an agenda to highlight that complexity and make the conclusions seem less trustworthy than they really are. Currently, President Trump’s critics are worried that’s exactly what the Trump administration plans to do with climate science by putting together a panel overseen by an official whose climate denialist organization has distributed misleading data in the past. “A simple sound bite is going to stick really well, and a nuanced, complicated story that is perfectly true but has caveats is much harder to sell. People just don’t remember that,” Lewandowsky said.

But he, and other experts, also offered some reason to be optimistic that politicians are starting to figure out ways around the rhetorical divide. For instance, Newman said, consensus is one of the tools that people use to decide, on a gut level, if something is true. We’re generally more confident in our beliefs if others share them and trust our own memories more if they’re corroborated by others. That probably goes a long way toward explaining why politicians who don’t believe in climate change spend so much time trying to undermine the idea of scientific consensus. But it also means that, when governmental organizations and politicians focus on consensus, they’re making headway. In fact, research has shown that telling people there’s a scientific consensus on climate change makes them more likely to believe in it.

What’s more, lessons from psychology offer some hope of making political headway on climate change in a world where a person’s ideological affiliation seems to determine whether they believe in climate change (rather than the other way around) and where action on climate might need to come from the top down (rather than bottom up). Our gut instinct is more likely to believe a person we know, who shares our identities and ideologies. And that means political leadership matters. So when psychologists see bills like the New Green Deal changing the arguments we’re having about climate change policy or Republican politicians coming out as believing in climate change and opposing denialism — those things look like viable paths forward.

“The entrenchment of attitudes is conditional on what leadership is doing,” Lewandowsky said.

[upsmymindwanderedagain]

Story of The Ice Wolf

Part 12

OTHER PARTS:

PART 11    PART 10     PART 1

WARNINGS:  heavy stuff coming, mentions of explicit physical and psychological torture, blood, injuries, use of taser and electrocutions.

Hey fellas! My apilogies again for keeping you on the edge.

As always all mistakes are mine. By the way this is 8k+.

Someone tases you awake, the table in now in a vertical position you try to look around your jaw is hanging open, at the sight of the terrified technicians you are sure you are back in reality. The pain behind your eyes makes you want to rip them off, your head feels heavy, you can feel drool falling from your mouth (or is it blood? Who knows).

“Le-let her set a few days you can try by then, it’s been hours if we keep going you will give her an aneurism”.

---

(A two weeks later).

They try two more times, but now your mind is a mess, you’ve successfully managed to blur and made up scenarios, memories and alter missions, still you are sure that something slip through your subconscious, when they snap you out of the anesthetic they sport small smirks instead of their usual sullen scowls.

(Eye patch will kill me; would it be that bad though?)

---

(A week later).

The twins make their way to the outskirts of a Brazilian city they got a call from an ex-business partner, they arrive to an old abandoned factory, the guards guide them to his office.

“I’m actually surprised that you showed up, want something to drink?” The Belgian man motions towards a beer package.

“Cut the crap Klaue, you said you have intel, talk” Wanda coldly states eyes shining red.

“Or what? Will you play with my mind? I hope this time you don’t have a fucking psycho robot with you”.

“Keep wasting our time and I will chop off your other arm” Pietro says juggling his daggers.

Ulysses visibly pales a few shades “Very well, you know I don’t give a damn about Y/N, the bitch sold me out to king T’achaka…” the twins step closer threateningly, he rises his hand in surrender “But, we indeed did good business for many years”.

“What do you want?” Pietro asks face set in utterly exasperation.

“Keep S.H.I.E.L.D off my ass, the C.I.A is close too” he says eyes darting between the twins “So… who’s the boss now?”

“Talk” Wanda sternly says as energy dances on her hands.

He snickers a little “You are the older twin Pietro, now little witch runs the business?” he says laughing a little, Wanda sends a dagger towards his temple without moving a single finger, the tip of the dagger punctures softly the man’s forehead, he gulps nervously “A-A government agency moved her from here like three weeks ago…” before he can go on Pietro uses his speed to grab him by the collar and slam him against the metal wall, papers and things scattering around “wa-wait, wait let me finish, I-I called you as soon as I heard I-I swear” Pietro looks to his twin Wanda only nods “Go on” he doesn’t ease the hold “They were moving her to Raft… I don’t know what that is, but they are taking her there, that’s all regarding her location” Pietro lets him go and goes to Wanda’s side.

Ulysses is left coughing and panting on the floor, the twins turn around walking through the door to leave “Wait” the twins turn around “The agents were complaining about how much they beat her up with no success, she hasn’t talked since they took her… they said something about mind games. I’m sorry to say this but she might not comeback from that” he beings to rumble a small laugh “Like can you believe that? they might crack that fucking stone-cold bastard” he says with a hoarse snicker.

The twins keep their features schooled as they glance each other “We will do our part of the deal, call us if you know something else” Pietro says before he lifts Wanda bridal style.

---

(A three weeks later).

A heavy metal door is open two sets of boots echo in the room, a body is slumped forward no doubt the chains are the only thing keeping it from falling over. "Wolf" the person standing before the slumping body gently taps the latter in the face. "Come on Wolf, wake up". You head is heavy and pounding, ears ringing, you feel like dumped shit but you can hear someone calling you. "Come on Wolf". (Wolf? They never address me with my S.H.I.E.L.D code name) the voice sounds familiar, but you can’t match a name. You set your jaw you have no doubt a nasty headache will hit you full force when you open your eyes doing it anyways you are greeted by a quite familiar face. She nods towards someone, and you tense up "Hey, hey Wolf easy, the injection will help you, be quiet we are undercover" the woman whispers lowly. Your body gives up either way. "Drink this" A straw is put on your lips, you refuse at first, when you try to talk your voice sounds so foreign and is barely a broken hoarse whisper "Last time I drank something I threw up blood". "This will take the edge off. You know who I ‘am right?" she asks softly.  You blink the blurriness of your eyes, your voice sounds so foreign in your ears it sounds raspy and hoarse and the air that flows out of your mouth when you talk scratches the sensitive tissue “Ho-how could I forget your ugly mug Bob?” you start drinking the liquid, it has no taste, but the burning of your guts starts to sooth. You need to take little breaks while you drink “Sha-ron, is that you?” you murmur brokenly.

“Hey Wolf how did you know?” she briefly turns off photostatic veil too.

“Hun-ter would be hyper-verbal” you want to elaborate further but every word hurt. While you drink she leans on your left ear "We signaled the location, hold on" you end up the drink "The kid is alive and doing good with the others" you only manage to nod before the darkness envelops you once again.          

---

Tony, Steve, Bruce, Natasha and Bucky are waiting in the conference room when Coulson walks in "Avengers we have a special mission for you". "Shall I call the others?" Steve asks leaning in front. "No. This mission requires discretion, you are the chosen ones" he says with a tiny smile on his lips. Nat doesn't miss the tiny glee in Coulson eyes "We are retrieving Y/N" she says with a smirk. "Then you get why the discretion part is vital. We have two undercovers. You better hurry up to the awaiting quinjet" he states with a small smile.        

---

You are in the middle of a slashes session when the alarms go off all the personnel tenses you manage to hear some soldiers screaming “Hydra” (Fucking damn). If Hydra is here, you have a good idea of who might be and that’s far from good. Your voice is a hoarse sound “Hey! release me, if they get in here you can be sure as hell that you will lost the intel you handler wants”.

“Shut it Ice Wolf!” the man hisses, you can see the rest of the soldiers tensing up.

“Don’t be stupid do as I…” (They are dead) the agent taser you before you could rant further.

---

Your dark oblivion is awfully interrupted when you feel liquid filling your windpipe, the worst natural reflex kicks in, you can’t tell fake from real you try to breath in and more water gets in the trachea. Someone pulls your head out of the ice-cold water, leaving you a bloody coughing mess on a metal chair. You are still trying to even your breathing when someone presses a knife on your throat. A man talks in Russian "Oh right bitch they are sick of your silence, start talking or I'll gut you out" you spit blood on his face giving him a bloody smile. (A new face, one I thought I will never see again). Your voice is broken and husky "Don't mind me go ahead" you feel the edge of the blade retreating, he briefly moves away. You see him grip something from a metal table close by. "You stupid Ice bitch!" he hits you with an inch and a half rebar, the cling of the rebar against the metal of your chest hides the crack of the left clavicle the hit knocks you off the chair (shit no playing around anymore). This time no one pulls you off the ground the Russian cold face Sergeant gets close and digs his knee on your diaphragm, pressing your neck down with the same rebar "I have specific orders to kill you, you told them intel, two experimentation labs destroyed in Africa one in Asia. I thought I trained you better to keep your mouth shut soldat. Option A, serve again like an asset we won't beat you to death, option B the opposite to A". You give him a bloody smirk, your voice full of mockery "Now you do the dirty work? that’s low. Is your dog dead?” deep inside you are thrilling for the upcoming fight, you won’t go away that easy. "I'm waiting for your answer Ice Wolf" he spats at your face. Your voice becomes a deadly hiss "Know that when this is over, you will beg mercy to the twins". He gives you a nerve wreaking psychotic smile "I will make you howl Ice Wolf". "If I don't kill you first" Thanks to Bobbi you are high as fuck and up to some degree pain free, (time to kill) using all the strength you can muster you push him off you, you dodge the next swing of the rebar rolling to your right, doing a tight roll backwards you stand up to dodge again the rebar. They try to electrocute you again using the collar but you rip it off and throw it at one of the soldiers the electrical discharge takes him down, you grab other rebar from the steel table and start beating down the soldiers in the room, as the soldiers fall you snatch two hunting knives and begin painting the room in red. ---- *Stark tell me that you are close* Bobbi says with a ragged breath her voice cutting between gunshots. *We are ten minutes away, what's wrong?* Tony asks worriedly at the sound of the background. *Hydra is here, a fight broke out, Wolf is killing them but she won't be able to fight them all. We are fighting to back her up, but the prison guards and Hydra soldiers are keeping us at bay*. ---- You took down the soldiers in the room, Yuri lies of the floor with a wide gash on his temple, you made the mistake of not making sure if he was truly dead, is a rookie mistake but your sole focus is getting the hell out of there.

Your breathing is ragged and heavy, you got the handcuffs damaged during the fight using all the strength you can gather you smash them against your metal knee breaking them, you take two guns and the keycard to open the door. Once out you set up to run. Yuri pretends to be out cold, unknown to you he took a dose of the serum Salarov used when he had you under his command, after he hears you exit the room and gives orders through his comm "Soldats Catch the Ice Wolf”. ---- You are running through the hallways of the facility, is more like tumbling-limping through the halls the adrenaline has numbed most of your wounds, but still the dizziness are not helping you, the prosthetics are malfunctioning. You hear some fighting and gunshots but they aren't close to you so you go to the opposite direction wishing that you didn’t hallucinated Morse and Carter so you can lean on them to get you out of the place. You keep running until you reach an open space, a foyer like circle with five hallways you set to run ahead, when several agents block your way out, there’s at least twenty Hydra operatives, there’s two more with different uniform, you smirk at them “Soldats, long time no see or shall I say hi mom?”. "Traitor surrender, there's no place to go" the woman coldly states you catch the sight of the spider like dispositive on the right side of her head (that’s no good no chance to turn them against the others). You grind your teeth you wish your thoughts can reach the others (I'm sorry guys), standing on guard you let the Hydra operatives get close, when they are within your reach you begin the assault, you quickly take control of the rifle of one of the soldiers using him as human shield you fire against the rest. Sooner than later the man is riddled with bullets, not wanting to be burdened with a dead body you throw it at the pair of soldier who simply step out of the way. Unfortunately for you there’s two winter soldiers, in your current state they are stronger than you but they initially stand by just watching, after you kill ten of the reinforcements, the male winter soldier comes at you, you use his punches against the other operatives that are not fast enough to move out of the way of his punches and kicks, you do your best to keep up with the man, using your prosthetics as shields and landing a couple of good punches with your left fist and leg.

You know well their fighting methods, this past years you’ve adapted techniques that they never saw you using and you take advantage using a couple of muay thai combos, slip out of a right cross punch and land brutal roundhouse kick with your right leg cracking a few of his ribs sending him flying back, two operatives jump on you as the first bullet pierce your left leg making you partially kneel hissing in annoyance, the female soldier shot you on the back, still you manage to shoot down three more soldiers before you feel something pierce your lower back, you growl in pain and on a reckless move you throw yourself to stab the male soldat running towards you, the movement is reckless and even childish he doesn’t hesitate to plunge his knife above you’re the right side of your hip the steel clanging against the metal scales burying itself in the patch of skin between the hip and ribcage.

The man uses a front kick to send you stumbling backwards you hear one more gun shot that ends on the left side of your ribcage, you glance at the source of the bullets the woman is juggling a rebar mockingly before she swings it at you, you try to put up your right arm to block the weapon, but the rebar smashes the already damaged bionic limb, the rebar crashes on the right side of your skull the clang of the metal colliding resonates in the open space. Your body falls heavily on the left side skidding a little. Someone walks close to your fallen body; the last thing your blurry sight registers is the damned bright dark liquid. The soldiers take an arm each and drag you as they run to your former cell, leaving a bloody trail behind. Back in your cell they wasted no time using you as flesh dummy, punches, daggers Hydra style torture session inflicted by super soldiers and black serum running through the body, effective as hell. You are currently hanging from the shackles of your wrists; your ragged bloody clothes were torn apart revealing all this past months nasty handywork.

You are more unconscious than conscious, but Yuri is pacing around you like a predator, making you dizzy, he speaks in Russian “Is such a shame that you betrayed us after all Y/N. You were our best weapon, the best winter soldier we ever had… offspring of two bloodthirsty assassins, even now you should be dead and you still breath” he lets a defeated sigh “I almost feel bad for killing my favorite fight dog, but we need to send a message…”.

"The Avengers are here sir" the male winter soldier states. "Damn it, chain her back to the wall, let's use her as leverage". Yuri wipes off the blood running down a large gash on his forehead, product of your now smashed bionic limb. You are deadweight when they envelop you in heavy chains and prompt you back to the wall. ---- Steve, Nat, Bucky and Tony are rushing alongside Bobbi and Agent 13 towards the cell indicated by F.R.I.D.A.Y. "Morse you were supposed to keep an eye on her" Tony growls at the named woman. "This is not time to point fingers at Tony" Steve states. The first place they run by is the interrogatory room, the only thing left were the dead soldiers. A full carnage and butchery. "What the hell is this?" Tony asks lifting his suit face piece, eyes widen in shock he gets nauseous at the sight. "'This is the real Ice Wolf for you Stark" Bucky says somberly. "Oh lord” Tony gags at the carnage the scene looks like a horror movie, blood splattered and smeared around, bodies and body parts everywhere “But she is not here". "There is barefoot prints" Nat says, the trail of blood and a quick swift for you told them your current location. *Mr. Stark there is a group of retreating agents running out of the base, there's another group three people, a fourth one with vitals fading, located on a cell west side* They hurry towards the cell, Tony blasts the lock, then Steve and Bucky are the firsts to rush in the others following in suit, Yuri have his gun leaning on your head. It's quite the view, you are slumping forward surrounded by several heavy chains the only clothes left are the sports bra and the spandex shorts, the small patches of skin visible have already darkening bruises, blood is slipping through the links of the chains, making a pool on the floor. His two soldats stand by each side of your body, their daggers crossed by each side of your throat the sharp edges between the almost nonexistent space between the chains and your underjaw, both sport the spiderlike dispositive they used on you.

Bucky has his rifle pointing at the sergeant cold-stone face “Yuri, drop the gun” his voice is low and full of rage.

He answers on a heavily accented English “Look at her Winter Soldier, I will be making her a favor. The American government did good job, she was dying anyway” he states with a wide smirk “Besides is up to the handler to dispose rogue dogs, she is no longer wanted on Hydra’s ranks”.

“Drop the gun or I’ll make a whole on your chest” Tony deadly sneers as his energy repulsors shine brightly.

Yuri keeps a smug calm face “I’ll give you a deal, me and my soldats walk out of here and you can try to save her”.

“There’s no deal drop the fucking gun” Tony sneers the answer repulsors shinning brighter.

“Stark you don’t need to be a genius to know that the energy blast won’t reach me before the bullet blows her grey matter” he pokes your head with the gun barrel “And seems like Quicksilver is not here nor the Scarlet Witch, you made a grave mistake leaving them behind”.

*Mr. Stark I would suggest you let them go, miss Y/N is in critical condition*

Tony lifts his face plate “Get the fuck out here” Yuri smirks in triumph, he pokes you one last time with the gun before holstering it, Nat and Steve move ahead weapons down as Yuri walks out first but the soldiers press harder the edge of their daggers on each side of your throat making an ‘X’, unfaced Yuri walks to pass beside Tony who halts him with his left arm, Tony doesn’t take his eyes off of you “Not today, not tomorrow, but I can assure you, we will hunt you Yuri, you will pay for this”.

“Good luck Stark” he says mockingly. He leaves the room first after he is out the soldiers follow him.

---- Even the effort of thinking hurts, you might be delirious, but you could swear you heard Tony's suit. Your foggy mind registers two sets of boots getting close. The only thing that Nat can muster is "fuck" as she and Steve get closer "Tony we need you to cut off the chains" the red head calls. They try to move you, prompting you to hiss in agony, your automatic response is to try to flinch away from the people around you but your attempts are in vain the heavy chains keep you still. “F.R.I.D.A.Y hack all the devices, I want all the footage and data available”.

*Already in process sir*

Tony walks close to you and gently calls "Robowolf we need to cut off the chains" you might be hallucinating, is like Tony is talking to you. You feel someone caressing softly your face, way to gentle to be the soldiers that were beating you down before. The sound you can muster is barely a broken breathy whisper "who?". "It's us Y/N. Nat, Steve, Bucky and Tony, damn even Morse and Sharon are here, is a party" the read head softly says. The gargling blood and wheezing makes it hard to talk but you manage a weak laugh "Hey...took you… long enough... I was dying of boredom" they try to smile at your sass, but they end up making a bitter gesture. "Robowolf this will hurt" Tony nervously says. "Tell me… something new... Aah!" a long with the metal being broken by one of Tony’s lasers a gargled scream echoes in the silent room, something crunches when the shackles are broken. Bucky can’t will himself to get close, so he goes to guard the entrance, Steve and Tony hold you with ease and lower you down as Bobbi and Carter get close to help, they start to carefully take off the chains from your body, this time you don’t bother holding back your screams and hisses of pain. Bruce rushes past Bucky who barely have time to move aside, the man quickly kneels beside you with a medical suitcase at hand. "Bruce we told you to stay back" The billionaire says half scolding half relieved that Bruce is now there. "F.R.I.D.A.Y updated me on her vitals, we have no time to loose". They don't need to be a doctors to realize that your time is running out, your body temperature dropping down from being extremely hot, you are clearly several pounds down of your normal weight, the bionic limbs stand out for their bulkiness against your flesh limbs, Bruce rushes to attach several portable monitors. When they remove the chains from your neck, the thin tube in your neck is shown. "Is that an I.V?" Steve asks in disbelief, the skin surrounding the tube is angry red and swollen.  Bruce only nods and uses it to inject some serums in the hopes of help your enhanced recovery ability he takes your face between his hands, your eyes shifting between being alert and dull "Hey Y/N, Tony will carry you to the quinjet, I need you to stay awake". You give him no answer, the amount of pain you are take you back to the day you almost got blown away you just want the twins, Wan can sooth your pain “Wa-Wanda… Wan… Piet…” your words start slurring as your mind starts to shut off “Let’s take her to the quinjet” Bruce states with rare display of authority.

--- Everyone is back in the quinjet Bruce doing his best to keep you alive, slowly the blood escaping your body begins to stain the floor, Natasha, Bobbi and Carter are helping him. Bruises, slashes, bullet grazes and gun shots cover your body. They might be succeeding in beating you to death.

Tony is updating dr. Helen and sending all the data F.R.I.D.A.Y recovered from raft “Tony you need to hurry to the compound, T’achalla indeed has better technology than us, but there’s no way that she is going to make it to Wakanda… the best choice is stabilizing here then take her there to heal”.

---

Dr. Cho is ending the call when Anika comes barreling through the glass door, if Stark didn’t invest as much is high quality strong materials the doors would have shattered “Helen! Why the hell aren’t they here yet?!” the girl says in a mix of exasperation and annoyance. Helen jumps a little in surprise but keeps working on the data sent by F.R.I.D.A.Y and the actualizations Bruce is sending in live stream.

“They are flying towards here, is not that they can teleport” the woman says as she briefly eyes the anxious girl.

“They can’t but I can. F.R.I.D.A.Y show me their location” one of the screens show a map with the quinjet still in the middle of the ocean and images of the general context

“Anika don’t do reckless things, you can’t teleport to somewhere that far nor somewhere you don’t have a clear image of” the doctor briefly grasp the girl bicep trying to keep her in place.

“I won’t sit here and wait for them to bring her on a bag, get your equipment ready” the girl shrugs the other woman hand and closes her eyes trying to picture the location as her wings morph out of her back.

“Anika don’t!” She vanishes, the twins rush in Pietro and Wanda glance around “Where is she?” the brunette asks, Helen sighs in annoyance and hurries to organize her team “She went for Y/N”. The twins lock worried glances.

---

As soon as the call is over a hologram shows up in the middle of the quinjet. "Stark why the fuck is no one answering. Where is Wolf and the others?" "Nick… Y/N is in critical, Hydra got in before we arrived" Tony answers with a scowl, Steve is standing by a deep frown set on his face. Fury mirrors the other two men expressions and his features darken, Maria’s features shift quickly from surprise to stern anger "Agent Hill, find out how".  "Right away sir" the woman answers as she moves out of the picture. "Have you notified the twins?" The man asks as his hands travel to his hips. "Yes, they are worried sick. We are going as fast as we can, the twins should be there by now”. ---- After Fury's call Bucky walks to Natasha’s side she is trying to keep inside the blood oozing from the bullet in your ribcage, he starts helping too. He notices the absent gaze in her partner "Tasha?”

Her voice is low, a mixture of anger and frustration “We should have been faster Bucky, this asshole has saved us many times and we failed”.

He grimly nods “Is not too late yet, she can pull through this is no overstatement that she was the strongest out of the winter soldier program, she survived being literally half blown away”.

“Your words aren’t comforting frosty” Tony bitterly says as he hands Bruce the nano spray that Peter developed, the spray manages to seal the wounds.

Before they can try anything else Anika appears in the middle on the quinjet besides Tony, the man jumps aside in freight his right hand clutching his chest “You little wing-ed hell, how and what are you doing here?!”.

She is clearly out of breath and answers between pants “I’m here for a ride back” she sass as she tries to catch her breath “You are taking ages, is next month better for you?” she says as she walks close to the gurney where you lay unconscious, her eyes get watery but she mask it with a snarky comment “Damn it Wolfy you don’t look sexy anymore” she says with a tiny bitter smile.

The girl moves to stand by your hips using her wings to keep the other four away and takes several deep breaths, Bruce tries to interfere “Anika what are you…?”  when she vanishes everything is gone, gurney, you and the medical equipment attached to you. “F.R.I.D.A.Y! where the hell is the kid?!” Tony asks worried the A.I doesn’t answer right away, after a few tense seconds she answers *She is in the medical area of the compound sir. Dr.Cho is taking over*.

All of them breath in relief, before they can scatter around Anika appears again in the middle of the quinjet she looks around to find her targets “Fossils come here, Wolfy needs blood” she hurries to grab Steve and Bucky by the back of their clothes “Anika what the…” Bucky tries to protest but she vanishes again.

Sharon and Bobbi share confused looks “Is that normal?” Bobbi muses with a confused expression, the others just shrug.

*Miss Anika most of the time steps out of line miss Morse but she is good intended* F.R.D.A.Y answers.

“Well that’s not what I meant, I meant calling out names”.

“That’s normal too” Natasha says with a small smirk. ---- [72 hours later] Wanda, Pietro and a very pregnant Zrinka with seven months already are sited outside the I.C.U room, your body still too weak and fighting off the infection. Bucky and Anika were called in for an audience. Deputy Director Maria Hill walks in and silently stand beside them. Pietro is the first to break the silence "The last time we saw her so broken and attached to that much equipment was when Hydra captured us the second time" Pietro softly says his eyes never leaving your broken body, his face is stern, but his eyes fail to conceal the rage storm thundering inside, Zrinka is softly rubbing circles on the back of his left hand. Wanda who is sitted by Zrinka’s left side is no better, her face is stern, the rage within her makes her eyes constantly shift between dark green and bright red. Maria silent swallows a little before she speaks "The general was given five years of domiciliary arrest, the agents where condemn to jail too. We are keeping a close eye on the Hydra sergeant and his people… unless you want to visit him" Hill states standing by Wanda’s side, arms crossed. The brunette sokovian doesn’t take her eyes off of you "Keep him under the radar, that is Y/N's right to kill, if… if she doesn’t make it through we won’t hold back" Wanda states, the prospect of you not pushing through seems so foreign and yet plausible at the same time. Hill only nods and proceeds to sit close by the brunette’s side "Y/N, Bucky and the kid are free from charges" she dutifully states before reaching out to squeeze the sokovian’s hand softly, Wanda turns to smile softly at Maria and leans her head on the woman’s shoulder.

“She will push through this Wanda, that bastard is way to stubborn to go away without spoiling root her nephew” the three sokovians snicker softly at Hill’s remark. ----

Tony is currently trying to contact Shuri through a video call, Shuri’s cheerful face shows up in the hologram “Hey Mr.Stark what can I do for you?” upon noticing Tony’s somber expression she schools a little her features “Mr.Stark is something wrong?”.

“Shuri could you give me a line with T’achalla? We have a serious problem, we need your help”.

She looks suspiciously at Tony’s seriousness “Sure give me a second” she fiddles a little with her bracelet to contact the king… after a couple of seconds he picks up “Shuri I hope this is important I was in the middle of… Hello Stark, what can I do for you?”.

Tony tries to school his features but his worried eyes are enough to tell that something is wrong “T’achalla we need your help, Y/N is in critical condition, Banner and dr.Cho doubt she will survive with our technology, our best chance is with your help”.

“What in the name of Bats happened? Wasn’t she under government jurisdiction?” He muses “Shuri, make the arrangements please” Shuri only nods and hurries to assemble the medical team.

[Five days] The twins and Anika have been a constant outside the compound I.C.U room, Banner, Cho and T’ahalla’s best doctors are monitoring your vitals, wounds and surgical incisions, your body is a mess and is not healing at its usual fast rate the malnutrition you suffered during your captivity and the chemicals your captors used to keep you under control now mixed with the black serum are making everything slower and dangerously normal.

The medical team lost you a couple of times during the multiple surgeries, you flat lined four times already, leading you to sport mini pads that keep your heart beating constant, this time your bionic limbs and connector plates had to be completely dismantled and discarded, the circuits and components were useless, Shuri made a temporary textile caps that now replaces the metal scales and protect your organs.

The riskiest emergency surgery was the craniotomy with open surgery, the rebar swing you took to the head did quite the amount of damage the metal plate and the upper part of your skull where removed to avoid more damage due to the swelling of the brain. Anika is snuggled between the twins her long wings surrounding them. The wolves are lying at their feet belly down and alert their ears shifting at the minimum sound. The medical team walk out of your room. Upon their exit Wanda is the first one to ask as she wipes out from tears threatening to fall "How is she?". Banner is the one who tries to take the lead in the explanation "The-the infection is starting to back off but...” she fiddles with his glasses, Cho sees his uneasiness and goes on for him “she slipped into a coma, her nervous system was under constant overdrive with the electrocutions, and she has a severe concussion, it's matter of time and up to her to wake up. The last beat down she took caused a lot of damage". "Can't you give her more serum? I can go back to the old security house, Salarov had several doses there" Anika hurries to say. "That's not wise kid, besides her body is frail, it won't stand the strain of that makeshift serum” Baner says as he fiddles with his glasses. Frustration takes over the girl features "So, we just sit here doing nothing?" she muses anger filling her voice. Dr. Cho beats Banner to answer, "Anika we already did everything we could for her, Princess Shuri and Stark are working in new bionic limbs, Y/N is way too stubborn and strong if someone can pull through this is her". The sass on the younger girl’s face is quite evident but she doesn’t talk back. "We will grant you access when her body gets stronger, don't sneak in again Anika, F.R.I.D.A.Y is watching you". The twins turn their heads towards Anika raising a quizzical eyebrow, she only shrugs in answer, she indeed sneaked in last night. ---

After a week the twins and the others were granted access, due to the fragil state of your body they weren’t allowed to crowd the room. The two persons sticking by your side most of the time were Wanda and Pietro, the wolves by default were guarding you sometimes inside the room sometimes outside.

Pietro was usually kicked out by Wanda sending him to be with Zrinka even though Zrinka didn’t mind that the male twin stays with you, she knows how much you mean to him and even for her you’ve always been that person to look up to.

Costel was the one having a hard time coming to therms with the image of you bed ridden with tubes, machines and things attached to your body, he has never seen you like that, sure he has seen you hurt but never like this. By the other hand Anika is not astonished by the situation, however that doesn’t mean she is ok with it, she hates seen you like that. She hates seen Wanda hurting, Pietro is not bantering like usual, Zrinka looks sad. As much as she wants to deny it the twins, Zrinka and Costel have become her family.

With the team things are a little mixed, everyone is angry the ones that were tasked with retrieving you are bitter. Bucky and Nat wanted revenge right away however the twins halted them alleygating that the revenge is yours, not theirs. If you didn’t wake up, then as a team they will lay waste on Yuri but not before. Tony fell on a guilty trip again, he is blaming and over thinking the ‘what ifs’ luckily for him Pepper read him like an open book and has been helping him through alongside Wanda, who has calmed his racing mind several times.

After doing a technical stop on the compound common room for some tea, Wanda is making her way back to the hospital ward when she comes across Pepper who is in casual clothes sweatpants, Stark Industries tee and sneakers, her body language and face is a mix of worry and exasperation, she stops the older woman by simply stepping on her path “Hey Pepper is everything alright?”.

“Yes, I’m just looking for Tony F.R.I.D.A.Y told me he was in the lab” her voice fails a little to conceal Wanda’s suspicions.

“He is overthinking and blaming himself” she simply states, Pepper just sighs in defeat and relief that someone else has seen through Tony’s antics “Yeah”.

“Mind if I help?” the brunette asks.

“If is not bother, I know you want to be by Y/N’s side” Wanda smiles softly at Pepper and goes with her.

Pepper tries to get in, but the access is denied “F.R.I.D.A.Y open the door please”.

*My apologies Mrs. Potts, Mr.Stark has requested that the door remains closed*.

Wanda gives Pepper a small smirk before Pietro slides to a halt beside his twin, Pepper yelps softly in surprise “Pietro I swear one of this days you’ll give me a heart attack, and don’t you dare to say you ‘didn’t see that coming?’ I swear” the woman says as she clutches her chest.

“What you said is enough” Pietro says with a smirk “What’s going on?”

“Do you mind opening the door?” Wanda says playfully, Pepper just looks at her in disbelief “What are you…”

Pietro simply shrugs and goes to the touchpad panel, using his speed he gives F.R.I.D.A.Y no chance to stop the overwrite of codes, and the door opens he silver haired man makes sure to interrupt the speakers in the lab before motioning the other two women to walk through.

“Is there anything else I need to know about you three, are you a secret engineer or something Pietro?” Pepper muses.

“Actually, Mechanic and some engineering, I always wanted to build things” he says with a shrug, the blonde just shakes her head in amusement.

When they step in the lab Tony is working on some formulas, there’s several holograms of brain structure, there’s several notes sprawled around and several empty pots of coffee and bags of junk food.

“Well If I didn’t know better I’d say you are trying to build a new super soldier serum” Pietro says with way too much sass, and he actually gives Tony a good scare who was nose deep reading some notes.

“What in the bloody hell are you doing here speedster?!” Tony says clutching his chest and glaring at Pietro, before he rants further he notices the other two women he calms down his racing heart “F.R.I.D.A.Y what’s the meaning of this?” the A.I doesn’t answer “F.R.I.D.A.Y?”.

Pietro moves to one of the screens, Tony tries to stop him “What do you think you are doing Maximoff?” the silver haired man just rolls his eyes and restores the codes and F.R.I.D.A.Y’s talking interface.

*My apologies Mr. Stark, Mr. Maximoff over run the lock code*.

“Yeah I figure that, is there like anything else under your sleeve? Secret MIT degree, super technological enterprise” he turns to regard the brunette sokovian “and you Wanda are you a psychologist, best seller author, secret introvert musician like SIA was?” the twins just snore at his rant shaking their heads in disbelief as Pepper just sighs in annoyance.

“The hacking and spying skills are just Hydra’s standard training for super soldiers or in our case enhanced” Wanda says.

Tony gets visibly uncomfortable at the mention of Hydra “Well nice chat, got a lot to do” he walks towards Pepper “Honey why are you here? Shouldn’t you be resting?”.

“Says the man that hasn’t sleep in five days” Pietro says out loud.

Tony briefly turns to regard the sokovian “Don’t you have somewhere else to be speedy? Adults talking you know” Tony says glaring at him as he motions with his hand between Pepper and him, Pietro rolls his eyes and moves to look around Tony’s work.

“You now what Stark… this guilt trip won’t bring her back, burning out yourself trying to find a faster way to wake her up won’t help you get rid of the guilt you are drowning in” Pietro says with an uncharacteristically serious demeanor and sober tone as Tony argues with Pepper.

“Excuse me?” the billionaire says abruptly cutting off his discussion with his wife “You heard me” Pietro says as he fiddles with the 3D projections of the new prosthetics, Wanda just watches the scene she knows that Pietro is pushing Tony’s buttons.

“What makes you think I’m doing this out of a guilt trip, Y/N… your sister is lying in comma in my medical ward not even Wakanda tech can bring her mind back, she is an Avenger and as my employee I’m trying to find a way to help her”.

“And you know she needs to be in comma to let her body heal, why the hurry? Why can’t you work this in normal hours?” Pietro says inquisitively as Pepper frowns.

“What’s your point Pietro?” Tony says walking closer to the silver haired man in his argument he didn’t see nor feel Wanda looking in mind.

“We aren’t blaming any of you Tony, certainly not you, you’ve done all in your power to help Y/N and we are grateful for that” Wanda says as she walks close to put her hand on Tony’s shoulder, when he turns around he sees her eyes still shining red.

Tony knows better than to keep denying after Wanda read his mind “Why don’t you blame us?… blame me? How can you two be so calm and not seek revenge right away?”.

“We have learnt to see the bigger picture Tony” Pietro says looking into Tony’s eyes. “Pietro” Wanda tries to cut him off.

“No, no by all means Pietro where is this wisdom coming from?” Tony says crossing his arms, Pepper just chatises him with a “Tony” but Wanda nods at his twin.

“I saw our sister being almost blown away, we saw Hydra keeping her alive to make her a weapon, we saw her being prodded like she was a thing to make her ‘useful’ to Hydra’s goals…”

“We heard her scream in agony during all the procedure, the times there was silence we even wished she was dead, so her agony will end…” Wanda interferes her lower lip trembling as she tries to keep her cool demeanor Pepper just gives her a bittersweet smile as she reaches to squeeze her hand. Pietro goes on for her twin as he half hugs her “We know what people is capable. But the only thing we’ve seen these past years here is kindness, comradeship, you guys have been doing everything to keep her alive and with no further interest”.

Wanda manages to keep her emotions in check to go on “Of course we don’t blame you Tony or any of you. We knew this could happen since the moment we turned our backs to Hydra. The sole training and years serving their ranks was enough to foreshadow what could happen to any of us”.

Tony is looking at them with pure disbelief, but he shakes his head a little “You three are something” Tony moves to walk between the twins to slump on his chair “After we broke her free from Salarov’s control and I was helping her with her limbs she told me not to blame myself that it was her choice and her actions what made her fall on their grasp again…”.

“And she meant it” Wanda cuts him off.

Tony sighs as he hangs his head backwards “then I couldn’t keep her away from being sentenced”.

“That was a trap Tony, one way or another she would have end up in that position” Pietro says.

Tony starts jiggling Pepper is about to scold him but she sees the twins giving Tony a small smirk “What is wrong with you people? What’s the funny part?” the woman muses exasperated.

Between jiggles Tony manages to say, “That the twins from hell won’t let me mope around, they just rip away every chance to blame myself”.

Wanda’s eyes shine red as red energy dances around Tony’s head, she calms his racing mind and negative thoughts giving him a sense of inner peace and forgiveness regarding all this mess. After she hears him breathing in and out she breaks the link.

“Now go to sleep Tony, you won’t be useful for anyone falling on a cardiac arrest” Wanda half orders, Tony just smirks at her “Is this how you keep robowolf under control? Bossing her around eyes shinning red”.

“She uses the trick to boss her into other things too” Pietro says casually earning him a good punch on the shoulder “Ouch”.

Morse and Carter usually come by the compound, even when they don’t say it out loud they feel guilty too. But Wanda and Pietro called in a meeting on the main conference room and made them stop their pity parties. It has been three months since you fell in comma, with the care of the medical team your body looks stronger and yet lean, making really odd the sight of your body lying on the hospital bed, most of the wounds left new scars other vanished without a trace. The top ‘lid’ of your skull is back on place and with Helen’s work it leaved no trace that it was once removed.

Two months ago, your little nephew finally came to greet everyone, nevertheless to say the whole team was ecstatic by the new member. Pietro and Zrinka named him after the twin’s father Fedor. The wolves were more than happy with the tiny human, they usually felt torn about being by your side and being with the human pup that smell alluring and needed protection… but you needed protection too, so they spend the day running and hitching rides between the Avengers Tower and the Compound, usually one of them stayed with you at the compound, while the other stayed in the tower, most of the time it was Orion who stayed by Wanda’s side.

Pietro was absolutely happy and thrilled by the arrival of his baby boy but in the back of his mind he couldn’t help the constant thought of wishing you would wake up soon. Naming the boy after his father was a way of honoring the man but also was kind of a bittersweet reminder that their parents weren’t alive anymore… then the train of thought of all you did to keep them safe and even more now that you aren’t awake to snap him out of his racing mind with a “I did it, I got the scars, get off your ass”.

Anika spend her free time teasing the silver haired man to no end calling him “sexy papa” and Costel never hesitated on joining the teasing but he wasn’t out of the danger, the girl is always teasing him about being Pietro’s first born due to their close relationship. However, when she is not glued to the twins side or breaking havoc around the compound she is with Zrinka and mini speedster.

--- Wanda and Anika are standing behind the glass wall. You are lying flat in the medical bed a woman has medium sized magnets over your energy meridians. "Wan…are you sure that's going to work?" she asks with absolutely doubt in her speech. "Well, we lose nothing trying, Tony said she is the best in acupuncture and magnet therapy, the body has energy, her nervous system was overdriven, this can help to put it back in balance". Anika turns around to look at Wanda’s profile "Have you tried getting in her head? I'm sure the wolves have". She brunette grinds her jaw a little as she nibbles her thumb fingernail "No, I've never tried it in someone in coma, I rather not risk it". After almost two hours the woman exits the room, "Miss Maximoff we can make a couple more sessions, however this session is enough. I will advise you all begin interacting with her, your telepathy can be helpful bringing her mind back". "Thank you". --- Five days later your body started breathing on his own, prompting a little scare to Pietro who has softly playing some tunes on his acoustic bass when you started choking in the machines and tubes that were helping you breath before. Banner and the med team hurried in and took off the tubes, once done your body eased back. Pietro is hovering over your with worry written his face "Bruce is she alright?!". Bruce gives him a small smile in reassurance "Calm down Pietro she is fine, her body just reacted to the equipment, she is breathing on her own now" the scientist says with a small smile. Nevertheless to say the hole team was happy with the news, this was a step closer to you waking up. --- Your now six close human family members and the wolves were even more reluctant to leave your side, now that you were breathing on your own you were moved to your room in the Avengers Tower, Your family only left you for training, missions and getting food, Costel joined the sleep overs. Pietro and Zrinka slept in their room with little Fedor, but they were more than alert for any change they were quite eager for you to wake up.

The next one who got a good scare was Anika while twins were on a mission, she was softly practicing in the guitar some chords and scales that the twins had taught her, but she couldn’t focus at all "Come on Wolfy you gotta wake up, you owe me a rematch… Wanda told me you are a better guitar player than them... Please just wake up" a tear runs down her cheek she doesn’t bother wiping it off, she keeps playing on until she gets startled when the sound of your metal fingers grazing the bed sheets reach her ears, she puts the guitar down and hurries to grab your left hand. "F.R.I.D.A.Y call dr.Cho" "Right away miss". "Come on Y/N it's wakey time" Your metal arm keeps shifting on under the sheets, the metal scales of your limbs moving aleatory. When dr. Cho came in your metal limbs were moving less, but the hand being held in Anika's gave her a faint squeeze, Helen made a quick check-up but still you didn't wake.

Helen didn’t let Zrinka enter the room due to the risk of you waking up and lashing out. After her checkup your movements had eased "I'll notify the twins upon their return. It’s time Wanda tries with telepathy, Y/N's neuronal activity scans are normal, and her body is completely healed"

"The only thing I got was the Wolfy might wake up and Wanda needs to stop being a pussy".

"In your own words that's the translation" Helen muses.

"Are you calling me dumb?" Anika asks her voice challenging.

"You played yourself kid" the doctor deadpans, Zrinka who is standing by the door did her best to hide her jiggles, Anika only glares at her.

---

[later that same day]

Wanda was alone in the room with your still unconscious self. She was lying by your left side, snuggling close to you "Come on babe you need to wake up, we miss you... I need you" she leans in to kiss you softly above the left eyebrow “I’m so, so sorry Y/N we failed you, we didn’t get you before Yuri”.

As she leans down you rest her forehead on your temple, bitter tears start running down her cheeks, some of the tears drip down her chin to damper your cheeks "Y/N/N I need you, not just as my girlfriend, you are my friend, my family, without you my home is broken" she peeks you softly in the lips as tears keeps running down her face. Unknown to the others she is being trying to tap in your mind, but you have your mind blocked.

---

I don't know if I'm asleep or dead, the pain feels so real, the stink of blood, infected wounds and lack of shower have make me reek a few times already. Time is an illusion. I've screamed no one came. Did they left me to root?

---

I'm not sure if I'm dead or alive, sometimes I see us back at Sokovia, sometimes in Hydra cells, other times we are back in my days as Hydra captain... Am I living o re-living? I could swear I hear Wanda talking to me, she sounds sad… I… just want to hold her.

A/N:

Hey fellas! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, I’ll stop making promises, I’ve been awful keeping them, so I’ll just try to post weekly.

Holy shit now there’s 76 of you following my brain rant?! that’s awesome. Thank you to everyone who follows this blog, that give a like and/or reblog the chapters and stuff I put here, tank you too to the ones that just past by.

Have a nice weekend guys!

[mayparkerblogs-blog]

Just Your Average Morning {Part 3}

So.. what do you think of JURAM (is the acronym stupid or do you love it?) so far? Writing this story has been such a blast! Big things are happening soon- and you won’t want to miss any of it! Stay in tune to find out what will become of our beloved reader... YOU! If you’re new to my writing and JURAM (oops.. used the acronym again), you can catch up by reading the prologue, part 1, and part 2. Hope you guys enjoy the newest part!

[reminder: Y/N’s thoughts are in italics]

avengers x fem!reader

“Are you kidding me, Peter?”

An exhausted Tony Stark stormed into the common room, followed by a rather frazzled teenage boy. “You know, Mr. Stark, I really wasn’t expecting it to actually work.” the pair  hadn’t noticed you were in the room yet. “You weren’t expecting one of my inventions, TONY STARK’S inventions to actually work when you pressed a few buttons? Didn’t I tell you to work on repairing your suit and not touch anything else? How hard is that?” The teen’s face went red as he turned away from Tony and realized you were in the room. “Um.. Tony..” Tony’s face went into shock when he realized he heard the entire conversation. “Oh,” you began, “Sorry if I’m interrupting anything, I’ve just been, um,” you turned to the laptop which was opened to a page about the serum and the many attempts to recreate it. “Researching. For school. Yeah” You shut the laptop before they could see what you were really looking at. “I’ll just go now cause it seems like you two are really busy so I’ll just see you guys around-” You attempted to leave the room as quick as possible but Tony sat you right back down on the couch. “Oh no, Y/N, you weren't interrupting anything. I was just about to go call the ceiling repair company anyways.” He shot the teenager a look of pure saltiness as he said “ceiling repair company”. The three of you sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, not knowing what to say or what to do. The boy shuffled in his spot, visibly embarrassed and uncomfortable. “Peter, why don’t you come over and sit down with Y/N for a little while. I don’t believe you two have met. Y/N, this is Peter; Peter, Y/N.” You directed a smile towards Peter as he sat down in the chair next to you. “Now you guys talk, laugh, watch vines, do whatever kids do for fun nowadays. Oh yeah, and if you really like each other, you better exchange numbers now since Y/N is being shipped in a few days.” Oh yeah, how could I have forgotten. Tony began to leave the room, proud of his little match-making scheme. “Oh and Y/N,” he said, turning around, “Have you seen Steve anywhere? I saw his shield in the training room this morning but I didn’t catch sight of him on his morning jog. He’s going to want to hear about the hole in the ceiling.” You shook your head no. “Nah, Steve left early this morning. Said he had to go check on this girl in D.C and he’ll be back by tomorrow night. How come he didn’t tell you?” Tony rolled his eyes and left the room. “He’s a little bitch, that’s why.” You furrowed your brow at Tony’s oddly harsh comment and reopened your laptop just to shut it back down again. “What are you researching for school?” Peter asked. You panicked and came up with the first thing that came to your mind. “Dogs. I’m doing a project over dogs and their food for chemistry.” “Oh, well that’s pretty cool. I like dogs, especially. beagles. What school do you go to?” Oh no. Do I say my real school or do I lie? “I go to a private school in Kansas. We’re family friends with Tony so my parents sent me up here for a week to get a closer look at all of his new tech since I’m real interested in engineering and stuff.” Wow, I didn’t know I was that good at lying. Peter beamed a warm little smile back at you. “Woah, that’s awesome. I’m in the Stark Internship so I just get to come up here every now and then and check out some of his recent projects. I got in trouble for touching one of his new machine thingies instead of working on repairing my- I mean his old and damaged suits. Yep. I don’t have a cool suit or anything. It’s not like I’m iron man, even though that would be really really cool if I was. Nope. It was his suit. Yep. But that doesn’t really matter.” Peter’s rambling made you giggle a little bit. “Anyways, did you fly here or did you drive?” “I flew. The flight was awful. Very, um, bumpy.” You congratulated yourself for coming up with such an amazing alibi. “That’s neat. I’m not a huge fan of flying. I’ve only been on a plane like three times. The last time didn’t end up so well. Hey, uh,  wanna play the Wii?”

You and your new friend Peter played Mario Kart, Wii Sports, Wii Party, and Super Mario Bros for hours on end, occasionally stopping for a snack or restroom break. You thought Peter was a super nice, funny, and smart. You would have killed to have a friend like him back home. Why did Tony introduce us? Now I just have to turn around in 3 days and leave him too. He was the first person who had ever met who could challenge your impressive Mario Kart skills. After you and Peter had defeated the boss battle in level 4 of Super Mario Bros, you checked the clock and realized it was just around dinner time. “I can make us some pizza rolls, if you want. Or we can ask Tony if he can order us something.” You offered to Peter. “Pizza rolls sound amazing. I’ll microwave some popcorn, too.” After placing the pizza rolls in the oven and microwaving a few bags of popcorn (the two of you realized you should have microwaved the popcorn once the pizza rolls were done cooking so everything would be warm at the same time), you and Peter sat at the kitchen island, talking about just about everything. “My favorite subject in school? Probably chemistry. But I do like Spanish a whole bunch. We have a bunch of food parties in that class.” Peter commented. “I really enjoy my psychology class. And my speech class. And english. And student-aid. I guess I like most of my classes, but maybe not-” Tony ran halfway through the common area in a dead sprint to his lab with a panicked look on his face, interrupting your sentence. “Hi, Mr. Stark!” Peter said as Tony turned to the two of you, acting like nothing was wrong.”Y/N and I made some popcorn, you’re welcome to have some. Oh and the pizza rolls will be done soon. And don't worry about any mess, Mr. Stark, I’ll clean it all up.” He’ll clean it up? That’s rather polite, I’ll thank him later. “Don’t have time for food. There’s been a situation in Paris so the team and I have really gotta get going. Y/N, here’s a phone for you to use in case of an emergency. It has the entire team’s numbers on it, including mine. If anything does happen, call Steve first. We’ll be back in about a day or two.” Tony whipped around and starting sprinting back to his lab. “Hey, Mr. Stark!” Peter called out as Tony opened the door. “Do you want me to spend an extra day here with Y/N so she’s not all alone? May will probably be fine with it.” “As long as your Aunt May is fine with it, I don’t care.” Tony entered his lab and yelled back “No funny business, you two!” before he put on his suit and departed on the mission. The oven beeped, signaling that your pizza rolls were finally done. The two of you ate in awkward silence as you scrolled through the contacts on your phone. “Hey Peter,’ you said, “I don't think Tony put your number in my phone. Would you mind if, you know, in case anything happens and I need to get a hold of you-” you reached your phone across the table to Peter, who proceeded to create a new contact for himself. He smiled as he returned your phone and you realized that his contact name was “Peter ‘The Wii Olympian’ Parker”. “I beg to differ, Peter,” you said with a smirk, “I think I am the true Wii Olympian.” Peter crossed his arms and let out a light chuckle. “Uh-huh, sure. That’s why I beat you at every round of Wii Tennis.” You threw a pizza roll at Peter, way harder than you thought you did, and it splattered all over Peter’s face. I didn't throw it that hard, did I? “I see how it is, Y/N. I hope you don’t mind if I do this!” He squirted his Capri-Sun at you, soaking your shirt in Wild-Cherry. “There,” he stated, proudly. “Now we’re even.” You smiled and shook your head as you cleaned up your plates and threw away the bags of microwavable popcorn. “Hey, wanna watch Jurassic World? Steve rented it the other day so we could still watch it and not have to pay.” you offered, not wanting to go to bed yet. “I should probably go take a shower and wash all of this cheese and sauce off. Plus it’s getting pretty late. Can we watch it tomorrow, though? I love that movie.” Peter replied. You nodded your head and checked the time. Almost 10:30? I feel like it was just 8. “Oh yeah, yeah, it actually is getting pretty late. I guess we should get headed to bed.” You and Peter shut off all the lights in the common room and returned to your respective rooms. The medical bay was a little farther away than the guest room Peter was staying in, so the two of you departed ways outside of Peter’s room. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then, Peter.” you said as Peter stood in the doorway to his little room. “Y-yeah I’ll see you tomorrow. Night!” He waved as he shut his door and you began to walk away. “Oh! Peter!” you called back to him. “Thanks for staying an extra day with me. It’s nice not being in this big empty building alone.” He face lit up with a bright smile. “Oh yeah! No problem, it’s really nothing! I um, uh, really like hanging out with you, Y/N, so I'm glad I get to spend another day with you, too.” The two of you stood in silence, both smiling and staring at the ground. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” you said as you departed. “Yep, I’ll see ya then!” Peter shut his door and the hallway was flooded with darkness. You quickly returned to your room, showered, jumped into your bed, and let out a long sigh.

Peter’s only going to make leaving harder, isn't he?

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