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stargirlfics · 8 months ago

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So Much Goddamn Talkin’

Joel Miller x Black F!Reader

Summary: Sometimes Joel has to quiet the noise in your head. Luckily he’s quite good at that.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, post outbreak—Jackson era, mutual pining, friends to lovers vibe, established relationship, some mentions of anxiety, feelings and fluff, competency kink, soft dom!joel vibes, smut: oral (both receiving), fingering, soft intense PiV, unprotected sex, praise kink, daddy kink, come marking

*reader is written and described as black but anyone is welcome and encouraged to read!

Word Count: 6k

Currently obsessed with the thought of older, domestic Joel in a relationship and couldn’t stop myself from getting carried away! Enjoy!

It wasn’t like this was the first time you’d ever spoken to Joel.

On the contrary, what had started as a timid friendship became something else entirely with one spontaneous kiss that only the stars bore witness to that night.

A silly dream of romance had landed right in your lap despite the crumbling of the old world behind you, taking everything with it and yet they took your breath away constantly, like a whirlwind, two grounding anchors were now tethered to your heart and their names were Joel and Ellie.

So why were you so nervous?

Sighing softly, you decided to blame it on the watchful glances Joel was giving you from across the yard, distracting you from the book you were reading. Eye contact with him could feel like the most searing heat, spreading like wildfire and at the same time the deepest depths of comfort.

Not always being a man of many words, the things he could express with a simple look or the weight of a hand fascinated you, made you fall so dangerously hard and with a certainty you’d never felt before.

Therefore you reasoned it simply couldn’t be your fault for being distracted and wanting him so much right now. Not when he made you feel this way without even having to try very hard.

You just needed to take a moment to soak it all in, a blooming hope carried in on the breeze now that it was the beginning of spring in Jackson, the wildflowers and planted seeds starting to sprout, and the soil and your own souls teeming with life after so long spent just surviving. Now there was space for healing.

Space for you to sit in the rocking chair Joel had worked on for months as a birthday present to you, or watch him get around to all the house projects (because once a contractor always a contractor) and strum out the prettiest chords on his guitar late in the evenings out on the porch.

This felt more like living and you never wasted a moment to covet it.

“You’re doing an awful lot of staring, Miller.” You looked up from the same page for the fifth time to catch him already looking your way.

He blinked and put another nail into the wood post he was working on.

“Hm, well damn right I am when you look the way you do. Now if I told you it’s been at least ten minutes since you’ve turned a page in that book you just might have to admit you’ve been starin’ too.”

There was that little smirk you knew so well, dancing on his lips as if he knew just how much it would drive you crazy, the confirmation that you hadn’t been subtle in the slightest either.

“Well, you’re out here giving me a show.” You make a point to turn to the next page then, looking away before he could throw you a look at the sass in your tone.

He was right of course but what he didn’t know was that reading had started all this to begin with.

The tattered novel had been a surprise find on a patrol one day and came with an unexpected eroticism, bits of dialogue and tantalizing imagery on the page you were stuck on making your mind wander and wonder.

It’s why you felt a little nervous, caught off guard, suddenly wishing you were in bed and underneath him.

He flashes his teeth at you, that smirk widening into a smile at your reply, his attention returning to the tools in his hands but your own continued to linger. Remembering.

A few nights before in particular, when he was fucking into you so deep you had to bite the sheets to keep your moans down. You could still picture the definition of his arms as they cradled you and kept the headboard from colliding into the wall at the same time.

Or how good you knew it felt when his broad palms swat across your ass, never failing to make you yield to him with such eagerness.

You wished you could have your hands on him now, petting, feeling, showing him how much he was desired and cared for, how much you wanted to be filled by him, stretched out and aching with nothing but his name in your mind and on the tip of your tongue for hours.

Those stray thoughts had you turning back a page, leaning into the slow burning fire lit underneath you.

Still unsure of how to initiate these desires, you didn’t want to distract him from something he’d been trying to get around to doing for awhile and at the same time felt a thrill at the idea of tugging him away, leading him to bed.

With some hesitation you decided to bide your time for a bit longer, getting caught up in words that made you squirm imagining Joel doing and saying them.

God, you weren’t sure how much more of this you could keep up, feeling the slick pooling of arousal between your thighs, the way you wanted to grind against nothing already.

Joel finished repairing the post in no time and moved on to patch up a hole in the wall of the old shed, unaware of your internal dilemma.

Eventually he gathered up his tools and stored them away, told you he was gonna head in and wash up but that you should keep relaxing out here for as long as you wanted and he’d get started on preparing things for dinner later.

He left you with a kiss to your temple and the lingering familiarity of his touch. Handsome and sweet, he was going to be the death of you.

Your mind felt too restless to keep sitting but you took him up on the suggestion just for awhile longer, trying to find the right way to move things in the direction you wanted. Family dinner wasn’t for another four hours and Ellie would be here a bit early but there was still time and you wanted to make the most of it.

So you finished off another chapter and finally closed the novel, ushered inside with the echo of birdsongs and the steady thumping of your heart in your ribs.

–

Joel had been so sure you hadn’t noticed his repeated stares as much as he’d noticed yours, bowing his head under the warm spray of the shower he could only think of how pretty you looked sitting there while he worked, fond of the fact that you liked to be next to him even if he was occupied.

At first he couldn’t wrap his head around it and was almost too unnerved and bewildered by the fact that you took such an interest.

Not at all used to someone touching him or looking at him like he was their entire world but that’s the only way you looked at him and as much as he had tried to be measured, tried not to get attached, he had come around to the idea of a relationship again.

Loving people was frightening, something he felt he’d lost the ability to do properly after all these years, all the blood staining his hands and his conscience.

He had lost so much, seen too much death and feared he would only bring ruin, that he would lose her too, until you came along and turned everything he thought he knew on its head.

Oh what secrets and stories of loss he had told you in the quiet of night, when old nightmares and new guilts collided and kept him from sleeping though that was much less these days now that you slept by his side every night.

It had been a long time since he’d shared his bed and now it made him smile thinking of how natural it felt to wake up next to you, how easy it was to be around you, in the quiet moments he could see how the foundations you’d both built together had been made solid and steadfast over time.

Silly to think how he fretted over ruining his friendship with you all that time ago, the way everyone was sick of him in the days leading up to when he would finally ask if you were interested because they all knew he had nothing to worry about and those worries in his head were swiftly put to rest when you tugged at his shirt to pull him closer and asked what had taken him so long.

He’d never forget that moment.

Joel thought then that this was the moment he knew but quickly learned there would actually be a collection of moments–several times a day–that would remind him just how hooked on you he really was.

Like the times he showed his age and your sweet giggles and clever retorts always followed soon after, or how much he’s come to love the summertime because your brown skin basked in the sunlight is like art to him and he relishes every chance he gets to see you exactly as you are.

You brought a fullness and meaning to life here, encouraging him to slow down, to breathe. Taking care of one another made him stronger, nourished in ways he didn’t think were possible.

“Honey.”

He grits the word out like he’s trying to call you up here, reminded of how lucky he felt to have you, to be so connected.

Watching you walk around batting your eyes acting like you don’t know that it’s the pretty, round edges of your nose, the smile lines, the plush of your hips and that glowing thing inside you beating in your chest that drives him crazy.

Simply put, he was impressed by you. Constantly. You could handle yourself, skilled in your own right, already handy with weapons long before he was in your life and even more proficient now, deadly, with the things he’d taught you since.

You were resourceful and calm in tricky situations or when quick medical training was needed and yet none of the carnage of infected and worse terrors ever changed the soft way you tended to people, almost like you couldn’t help but give a little extra love.

And you had certainly spared many an ounce of that love for him; he’d forgotten how good it felt to smile this much over someone, can’t remember the last time he felt this way and definitely can’t remember the last time he’s seen his Ellie look at someone with such admiration either.

Everything about you captured his attention and he was grateful to be able to live some sort of life again after so much heartache, after believing he could never have these kinds of things for himself.

Those hands of his could scorch the Earth but you made him understand they could build things too, could show love and give pleasure just as well and just as fiercely.

Sometimes he wasn’t sure if he was doing a good job of it.

All he knew was that he never wanted to let you go and that was enough for him.

–

When you venture into the bedroom you find him getting dressed, hair tousled from being towel dried, another wave of aching bloomed in your core as you thank yourself for having nudged him into letting it grow out a bit during the colder months.

He looked so handsome doing nothing at all in particular you were sure you’d implode if you didn’t just come out with it, you just hope he wouldn’t mind doing some undressing again.

“Hey, honey.”

His voice was low and gentle, the familiar pet name in his usual smooth rasp made you stride forward, sending you surging into his arms so that you were squished against his chest. He tilted his head at you just slightly in question before you were pressing your lips to his.

Your mouths met so tenderly at first, fingertips bursting with a nervous energy as they reached for his shirt, grasping needily as you lost yourself in the slow ease of the way he kissed you back.

But a little spark of anxiety makes you tense, overthinking the kiss, feeling a little silly for just how turned on you were, how much he could see it written all over you, dripping quite literally in desperation even if you tried to reason with yourself that you knew there wasn’t anything wrong with that.

“J-Joel…shit,” you whined and huffed through sloppy kisses, slowly finding yourself being walked backwards and held firm against the closest wall, “Oh…we don’t have to do this if-”

“The hell are you goin’ on about?” Joel grumbled against the column of your neck and all ability to articulate went out the window.

Rationally you knew it was a pretty good indication he wasn’t bothered by the spontaneity from the way those strong hands of his were already underneath your shirt, pinching almost in the haste to grip your flesh but you were already overthinking and it held persistent.

“Just…if you’re tired, I understand. We can wait till tonight. I don’t want you to feel obligated.” Your words were huffed out in nervous gasps, trying to will your knees not buckle when his scruff teased a swipe across your jaw.

Joel pulled back then so you’d have to look at him, knowing the anxious flit of your lashes well.

He knew what to watch for, patient when you needed reassurance that you were free to run wild with your desires, that he was never tired of having you bare and wrapped around him at any hour of the day but this was of no consequence, he’d make sure you knew where he stood.

Shaking his head, he doesn’t give you more than a moment to suck in a breath before his hands leave your waist to hold your face.

“So much goddamn talkin’, sweetheart,” the words are a heavy growl against your lips in between heavier kisses, “Think I need to remind you of some things and put those thoughts out of your mind, yeah?”

Your whole body felt hot, flushed with desire and aching for whatever he was going to do to remind you, nodding before your tongue could catch up with your agreeing thoughts.

“Let me show you.” Joel caged you in against the wall, broad shoulders blocking everything else out.

The steady rise and fall of his chest became your focal point and new arousal sparked at his attentiveness, so easily able to soothe, to make you unravel for him.

“Please, I want you so much.” Your softly sighed plea turned into a whine when you were crushed to his chest again and this time there were no reservations to the embrace.

He was so good at this, making you burn for him so often you wondered sometimes how you were able to get anything done.

Hungry fingers pushed the collar of his flannel back, jeans already unbuttoned for your wandering attention to latch onto and he encouraged it with a push of his hips against yours.

It’s an easy movement, dropping to your knees like you’ve done a hundred times before to see how just a simple kiss already had him stiff and straining against denim, teasing the kind of thickness you so badly wanted to fill your throat with.

Your mouth watered, fingers outstretched to wrap around hot skin the moment his cock was free, unable to stop yourself now. Joel’s rough sigh following the steady pump of your hands made you glance up, meeting the intensity of his gaze and you held it there for a moment before your tongue was tasting him.

“Look at you...already have it in your mouth like the quick learner you are,” He hissed through his teeth and you could feel where he throbs against the hollow of your cheek.

Pride swells in your chest from the praise, knowing the tone of his voice meant the restrained edge of patience from letting you tease him back was slipping.

You could feel it in the flex of muscle underneath your hands where they’re braced on his thighs and you hoped he was proud watching your lips stretch around him, head bobbing nice and easy the way you know he liked it.

You’re unconcerned with being neat about it, slicking him up with your mouth and still trying to take him deeper, trying to take all of him in fact.

You liked to flirt with dreams of your nose being pressed snug against Joel’s pelvis, wanted to feel him through your entire chest even if burned because there was sweetness in being deprived of oxygen like that. Call it an unwavering trust.

You gave in to the feeling and kept your eyes focused upwards on him, trying to relax your jaw despite all the anticipation, happy to let him take control.

“That’s it, that’s my girl. Stay just like that.”

Listening is hardly even a thought when you’ve hung onto his every word, every movement, not minding the strain in your jaw as he rocked his hips into the wet heat of your mouth. Tongue swirling over his shaft, the thick head of him, desperate to earn it, to make him curse and growl out your name.

The pressure of his fingers against your jaw and then the back of your head had you moaning, trying to speak while he fucks your mouth.

“P-please, make me take it.” Your heart lept with each languid thrust of his hips sliding deep so he could feel the softening of your throat.

He’d give you whatever you asked for when you whimpered like that.

Firm and sweet was his grip, raspy grunts and cursed out praises that flowed from his mouth even sweeter to your ears as your tongue slid over the soft, sensitive head of his cock and back down the length of him.

You’re insatiable and any anxious thoughts still rattling around in your mind were quickly fading, replaced with his touch, his smell, his taste. The salty smear on your taste buds had you pressing your thighs together, craving relief.

“Good girl, yeah that’s it. Startin’ to understand now, sweetheart?”

Your head tipped forward and the only response you could give was a heady moan, doing your best to nod knowing how much he’d like seeing that, the tears already welling along your lashes from the effort but you didn’t mind.

Knowing you made him tip his head back, a heavy palm braced against the wall above your head while he grunted out curses and filthier praise made you feel a dozen more times ravenous, encouraging him to keep going with sloppy, wet whimpers that were barely held back from your kiss swollen lips, stretched over every thick inch of him you could take.

“Love watching you choke on it, honey. Fuck that's good, show me how much you can fit.”

The sight of him is something you hoped to never forget, searching for and finding the slight snarl of his lips when the tip hits the back of your mouth and the flex of his biceps when you slide your tongue around to lick the underside of him.

Joel could barely hold himself back, the urge to bury himself in your throat almost overwhelming but he wanted more than that, he wanted to reward you for listening so well, for how much you make him feel.

It had been building all day and he knew you had to feel it too. He was loath to pull you off his cock, an ache through his chest at your desperate cries from the loss of contact but he was quick to remedy that with a searing kiss.

You melt and are grateful your knees are already on the floor when your tongue meets his. It was so messy, hungry and neither of you cared.

“Get on the bed. Go on, darlin’.” Joel’s voice sounded like warm syrup, covering you in adoring instruction, taking you and leading you where he knows is best.

And god do you love when he was in this mood, nothing but a filthy edge to his affections.

So you complied, ignoring the twinge in your tummy as you moved to the bed, sprawling out across sheets that smell like the both of you.

He watches you get comfortable, loosening a few buttons and those jeans finally discarded on the floor before the distance is closed and he’s all over you.

Every touch and caress was intentional as he undresses like he’s unwrapping a present, greedy for all of you but so passionate, so easily able to steal your breath at the same time, slowing down the tempo now that your legs have fallen open and there’s nothing left covering you.

“Prettiest fuckin’ pussy…and she’s all mine.” Joel admires you for a moment, firm hands tickling your thighs while his thumbs circled the soft, sensitive junction of your thigh so close to where you wanted him most.

The praise has you sighing breathlessly, peeking down to see the way he was looking at where you glisten, a sureness to his features that made you feel safe all while the clench of his jaw sent goosebumps across your arms.

You want to echo that he’s right but he doesn’t let you have the chance, a broad palm sliding down over the hair covering your mound, tugging at it gently before two thick fingers are swirling over your folds.

Muscles jolting, you were rocking up into a touch that is so expert and familiar you are helpless against it.

“Joel, oh! That feels so good,” You’re panting, trying to catch your breath while your body responds to the tight circles he was rubbing against your clit.

“Yeah? ‘Can tell. You’re so slick, honey. Did suckin’ me off get you this worked up?”

Your nod is pure reflex, hips grinding against his movements needing to chase the pleasure that was slowly oozing its way into your system.

It’s only something he can do and he’s so steady, so thorough with you even as you squirm, those two fingers now stroking at your entrance eliciting sounds that sparked heat in your cheeks and spread down to your chest.

You want to be as connected to him as you can, almost pleading for him to sink inside you already just desperate to feel completely surrounded by him.

And Joel can’t seem to grasp enough of you under his hands, gone for the way you cling to him as he fits his middle finger inside, marveling at the way your walls take him in.

He would never get over your strangled little cry at being stretched around his knuckles.

“I asked a question, lemme hear you.” He spoke a little more loosely, his Texan drawl slightly heavier now.

“Yes, yes,” you’re remembering yourself after a moment, “Fuck, yes I love sucking your dick.”

The words are shameless, falling from your lips as a promise, a proclamation that you know he feels the weight of when he leans in to kiss you again, muffling your sounds while he slides a second finger in alongside the first that’s filling you so perfectly.

Any concept of time or day is somewhere in the background muted, far away and suddenly you know you’re right where you should be, right where you belong, no traces of anxious thoughts lurking any longer.

You could sink into these sensations now, enjoying how his kisses had moved to your neck exploring the sensitive spots and smiling against your skin when a new one is found because he loves feeling you clench around him when he does.

It’s a gift to Joel, being able to draw out this kind of bliss in you.

He wanted you to feel good, wanted to be the one to make your world shatter and then piece it back together again when you came down to the ground.

Your eyes rolled shut when he plunged deeper, the pads of his fingers massaging at your walls in tandem with what his mouth was doing between the valley of your chest and further down to where your stomach fluttered.

Somewhere in the haze of it all you realize his mouth was at your thighs, the white hot touch of his lips closing around a stretch of supple flesh bringing another wave of heat before he’s licking gently, bruising a mark into your skin that only he will know is there later.

“I could spend hours like this, you know that? Could have you makin’ such a pretty mess all over my hands, all over our bed…and I know you love when I do this.” Joel husks before he’s finally tasting you properly.

He starts at your clit, tongue flattened against you in anticipation of the inevitable flex of your legs, determined to keep you right where he wants and you’re already so far gone for him and this moment that your head tilts back against the pillows in a gasp.

You feel almost weightless as you succumb to the pleasure and how he presses his mouth into your pussy like he wants to devour it. You’re sure you’d let him swallow you whole if it kept feeling like this.

It’s not even a question really, you know you would, until you’re between sinew and bone and part of him forever.

The plunge and curl of his fingers combined with the flick of his tongue had you panting, heat skittering across your body while your hips circled on their own accord.

“More! Please, Joel!” It’s a chant and a sob all rolled in one and you don’t care how needy it sounds.

He keeps going, lapping at your sex greedily until you’re clenching down around his fingers and your toes are curling, crying out for him not to stop as you hurtle towards the cliff’s edge.

Skin dewy and alive, you decide that you don’t want to spare anything, not when he’s watching you as hungrily as he eats.

You give him all your sounds, all your pleas, handing him your body and your heart at once.

It’s amazing how it doesn’t take long for him to have you so close, right at the precipice, forgoing his own breaths to keep pace, to give you what your body is singing out for and when you finally let go, when your orgasm is finally coaxed from you he only presses his face into you further, drawing out every bit of pleasure he could in hopes of seeing that soft sweet look in your eyes afterwards.

“Attagirl, doin so well.” The words are a tether.

He’d take care of you and that’s perhaps what made it so easy to surrender yourself to the passion of the moment knowing it would linger long after you were both spent.

“Mmm you should see yourself right now,” Joel hummed, licking his lips while you attempted to catch your breath, “I always want you, don’t forget that yeah?”

The last part catches your attention through the curtain of bliss, a serious shift in his tone telling you that he meant every word; you had no reason to second guess yourself over your desires and he was making sure of that.

You nodded and sat up to reach for him, nevermind how you still trembled, your desire to be close to him was stronger than ever now.

“I need you, Joel! Please, I’ve been so good…” Your words tug at him, you can tell they do by the way he ruts his hips against the edge of the bed.

He crushed his mouth to yours before you could finish speaking, a much welcome relief, the burning flame inside you quelled for a moment.

“Sure have been, honey and I think good girls should be rewarded.” He nipped at your ear, stealing your breath with his words.

And even further when his flannel joined his jeans on the floor, climbing back onto the bed to follow the path of your body with his own, framing your limbs and wrapping you up in his embrace like you were made to fit against his chest.

Your legs fall open again to wrap around his waist as he settles some of his weight down against your hips, just giving you a taste, calling back memories and reminding you, funnily enough, of that novel you were reading earlier.

It felt like you were suddenly amongst the pages, chest heaving, your core tender and dripping as the man of your dreams was about to show you how much you’re his in every way.

Fairytales didn’t exist in this world but you felt like you were in one right now.

A giddy and timid smile spread across your face when Joel trailed warm hands down your body, catching on the bend of your elbow, wrapping around your ribcage to settle on the crest of your ass as he puts more of his weight down and uses his shoulders to nudge your legs apart and back towards your chest.

The air felt thicker but your breathing seemed to even out, everything in your body thrumming with energy and an intensity neither of you could ignore any longer.

Reaching down between your bodies you wrap a hand around where he’s thick and throbbing, guiding him closer with a soft smile, feeling how heavy he hangs in your hand, fingers pinching his skin when he rocks against your folds, the dirty sounds of his cock gliding through your stickiness.

Joel groans against your forehead, holding himself steady as your hips buck into his touch, the tip pressing against your entrance and finally, slowly, sinking inside.

Your moans are twined together in the quiet room. The stretch makes you keen, hands fumbling and grasping at strong shoulders, grateful he lets you have a moment to adjust.

But it’s not long before you’re squirming again, whining for him to go deeper, to fill you to the hilt and he made good on his promises to do exactly that.

He keeps your hips tilted up with the press of his palm underneath you, meeting little resistance the more he splits you open and it does something to him to see how much of a mess you are and he’s barely fucked you yet.

“You can do it, know you can…there you go.” Joel pulls back to give a shallow thrust, lips brushing your temple and a hand coming up to cradle your cheek.

The drag of his cock against your walls was everything, steady thrusts building up the tension coiling in your belly, fantasies from your novel melding with reality.

You felt like you were floating, your toes pointing when he changed the angle, brushing against a spot that had you crying out, ankles trying to lock around his torso.

Pressing heavier and faster with his hips however, your legs stay spread, the beginnings of a tremble rippling through your muscles now that he’s caught on.

His pace remained measured and deep, just the way you were begging for it, and he’s content to watch your brows pinch, your jaw slacken, content to hear every gasp of air and pretty sobs mixed in with your moans driving him crazy every time they slip from clenched teeth.

“Shit, I love watching you take me like this.” He cooed.

You can feel the heavy slap of his balls colliding with your ass when he pounds into you again and soon your hands slip from sweaty skin, scratching down his chest to pull at the sheets, so overwhelmed with feeling but never wanting it to stop.

“Daddy...Please, please keep going.”

You’re so caught up in the moment you don’t realize you’ve said it out loud, glassy eyes moving up from where you were trying to peek between your bodies to meet Joel’s careful gaze, only half registering how they widen for a moment.

He’s taken aback for just a second, almost questioning whether he heard it correctly but something’s been knocked loose within him now, his cock twitching from the reverence and adoration in your tone, bestowing him with a title he suddenly wanted to earn.

Joel was a grown man and had lived through many hells to be able to have you bare and underneath him like this, he reasoned he deserved to have a little fun in the bedroom especially when he hadn’t expected to be so affected.

“Ah so that’s what you’ve been reading in that book of yours. Just wanted Daddy to fuck you all day is that it, sweetheart? Yeah, I gotcha now.” He rasped low against the crook of your neck and started to fuck you harder.

His grip on you was less gentle but still just as passionate, the force of his thrusts stealing your ability to think properly. He wanted to make you say it again.

The burning in your cheeks only subsided a little at his acceptance, more heat flooding you from head to toe at being called out, wondering how he knew it was something you read in your novel, if it had been that obvious.

It didn’t matter now, you see where his dark eyes have narrowed, ready to make you come again with this newfound discovery.

So you try and be good for him while you moan and clench down on his length, your pussy swollen and aching but tingling for everything he could give you, “Yes, daddy! Just…oh! I couldn’t help it. Thank you, daddy!”

He knows you’re close, a familiar frenzy to your breathing, the slick wet sounds between your legs, it’s everything he dreams of and more, torn between watching your face as you come or watching the way his cock shines with your release.

With a few more strokes and the soft rubbing of his thumb against your clit you shatter, face pressing against the meat of his shoulder while you ride it out, feeling weightless in his embrace.

It makes you giggle when you can’t keep your head up any longer, neck lolling back against the pillow where he cradles your head in his hands, keeping you in place as he finds his own release swiftly after yours, pulling out to cover your puffy folds in hot ropes of his come.

You would never tire of being made a mess, even if you knew you’d be sore tomorrow, nothing quite ever beat the feeling of being fucked out like the way Joel could have you.

“Baby…” you’re breathless and bursting with emotion, “Thank you for that. Think I really needed it,” You laugh against his chest and sigh.

You’re almost too nervous still to look at him after your slip of the tongue but you know deep down there’s nothing you have to be worried about.

“Of course, honey. Anytime, and I mean that.”

–

You’re not sure how much time has passed, drifting in and out of a dreamy slumber still cradled against Joel, only now you realize you’ve been cleaned up and tucked under the covers but you don’t mind, you know you can simply lay here and soak it all in, he would take care of you.

Racing thoughts no longer buzz around in your head, all you can feel and see is Joel and you smile to yourself knowing the intimacy you just shared still lingered in your body, love etched in your fingertips where they’re laced in his hand against his stomach.

His lips press against your temple and you close your eyes again letting yourself be swept away with the sweet drawl of an “I love you.” in your ears and the gentle evening sun warming you both.

—

A/N: This was actually lowkey inspired by that scene where Joel is leading Ellie, Henry and Sam down the street after they come out of the tunnels and Joel just shakes his head and goes “so much goddamn talkin’.’ while looking like an annoyed father because they’re all being too loud…got very hung up on that bit of dialogue and could not let it go so here we are!

Also hope I added the daddy kink bit here in tastefully, it’s a fave of mine and I struggled a bit to think of how to incorporate it in a way that felt real for Joel so I only just dipped my toe in with it here but I hope you liked it! 👀

Thank you for reading <3

some no pressure tags! 💫 @eupheme @ozarkthedog @moreofem @tinydramatist @black-fairy3 @federalchickensoup @fluffyprettykitty @persona-enthusiast @moonstruksandco @ghotifishreads @communism-bitches

#joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller x black reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x woc #amalia writes

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thewritetofreespeech · 4 months ago

Note

Could I request Lucifer with a reader who's an author?

Imagine Lucifer finding her naughtier works.

Lucifer x Reader

words 1.5K

The book release was a great success!

You couldn’t believe all the hard work your publishing company put into the event. Or how many people showed up. You had been greeting fans and signing books all afternoon, and it was finally time for a break.

Excusing yourself from the crowd and your table, you head over to a private area that had been sectioned off specifically for this and see Lucifer. Your partner looking positively drool worthy in his human clothes, in one of those big leather chairs, with a book in his hand. “You’re enjoying the event I see.”

“Hmm…I am. It is certainly nice to take a break from the norm. You seem quite the crowd draw.” You were positively giddy at Lucifer’s support and praise.

When you asked him to come to your event, you were nervous he might not come. That he would be too busy. Or just not interested. When he said yes you had nearly been floored, and you were glad that the event really was such a success if he was going to be here.

“Well, people liked signed books. Much easier to sell on Ebay.” Lucifer’s lips jutted up and you felt your stomach do little flip-flops. “What are you reading? Certainly not the new book.”

“Oh, no. I already read that one. The references to totalitarianism in a monarchy were inspired.” He read your book? Honestly, you might faint because you were getting so excited. “I was interested in some of your other work, since you’ve been so secretive about it, and a very nice older lady pointed me into the direction of one of your later, new releases.” Lucifer turned the cover to show you the book title, and you felt all the color drain from your face. “She said it was her favorite. A little ‘off brand’ for your usual work, but she said she couldn’t put it down.”

“Don’t read that!”

You lunge at Lucifer to get the book away from him, but he easily pulled it out of reach of your grasp. Where once you were over the moon for him to read your work, you now wished to be buried under a ton of rock. The book in question was a romance novel, of sorts. Typical fantasy drama, swords, spells, sworn contracts with demons and the like. Spicy elements for the average reader Lucifer was describing. The problem was that if Lucifer caught on to the totalitarianism in your current novel, he would obviously catch on that the main character & her partner were you and him. “But I’m only halfway through. And according to this, it’s very rude to stop just halfway through.”

“Oh God….” You covered your face with your hands. Mortified beyond recognition.

Lucifer smirked, but then set the book down before he stood. “Don’t be embarrassed. It is very good you know.”

“I just based it off real life experiences! It’s easier for me to get a feel for the characters that way!”

“Really? I don’t remember us making love in a crowded ballroom.” You groan again. He got to that part?? “But…” You turn your head up to look at him as his hand reached out for your waist and pulled you close. “We could certainly make an effort for a crowded bookstore, with all your fans here.”

A moment ago, you felt the color drain from your face. Now it felt like it was rushing with color. “You can’t be serious?”

“Why not?” Lucifer asked. With this coy grin and confidence that made you wonder ‘yeah, why not’. “It can be inspiration for your next book. And I am suddenly feeling very….inspired.”

You weren’t sure what happened after that. Like the devil he was, Lucifer said a few sweet words and you had to obey. Suddenly, you were in a locked bathroom. A single unit with a toilet, sink, and mirror, kissing your devil with reckless abandon that would normally be reserved for more trashy romance novels.

Lucifer held you close by your waist, then lifted you up on the sink counter. You moan into the kiss. Feeling the cold of the mirror on your back and linoleum against your thighs. You instantly and eagerly spread your legs to make room for him on your little perch. Lucifer filling the space. Dominating you with his height and just the force of him.

“You need to keep your voice down.” He warned when he pulled away from your kissing. That may have been more of a warning than advice as his hand slipped up your thigh and into your panties. “You don’t want your fans to hear.”

You bit your bottom lip to stiff a moan as he touched you. But realized that that wasn’t enough as his fingers slipped inside and cover your mouth with your hand.

This was crazy. This was absolutely insane! There was literally a room full of people outside waiting for you while you were in here getting fucked by your partner. Or at least you were about to be. God you wished you were about to be. As terrifying as it was that someone might hear you, and your career could be over, all you could think about was Lucifer and having his dick inside you, and fuck let them hear how he fucked you & loved you. You really didn’t care.

You whimper and your free hand clamors for the glass behind you, trying to find purchase on something, when his thumb brushed over your clit again. “Lucifer….” The inside of your pussy clenched around his fingers. Eager for something bigger, harder, more him.

He smiled and pulled his fingers free before sliding down your panties. “Yes, yes. We need to hurry so you can get back to your fans. They are eager to see you. And I’m eager for them to see you, like this.”

You whimper again. Thinking about people seeing you. Would they know? Would they be able to tell that you were just fucked in a bathroom? Would they be able to see the lust still fogging over in your eyes from having sex with a gorgeous man just meters from their showroom? What would they think of their acclaimed, respected author if they knew she was just a dirty slut for her own demon, letting him do whatever he wanted to her and begging for more?

All those thoughts clung to your mind until Lucifer slid his cock inside you. Then it was nothing but ‘Lucifer! Lucifer! Lucifer!’

“Gods your wet.” Lucifer groaned in your ear. His thrust faster and sharper than usual as he seems to know that they need to be quick. “I know that’s not just me. You really are enjoying this, aren’t you? My dove.” You moan. That was what the character in your book called the protagonist. Your mind suddenly shifting between the characters in your book to the real world with you & Lucifer. “Your excited for this. To go back out to that crowd with my cum still inside you. To still feel my hands on you while you greet them with a smile.”

“Yes!”

At this point you would be happy to do the remainder of the event siting on his cock. Lucifer’s lap as your chair. Ride him in front of the crowd if only he asked. “Cum inside me. Fill me up, so I can meet my fans.”

Lucifer groaned and sped up his hips. Kissing you to keep you quiet, but also himself. It doesn’t take long for you feel him cum inside you. The hot pulse of his cock sending you over the edge, and you cling to him as it felt like you would fall off the counter. He would never let that happen.

Lucifer held you until you were both done. Then he pulled back, and out of you, slipped your panties back on over your sopping cunt, and helped you off the counter. Your legs felt a little numb & wobbly, but you managed to stand.

“You should get back. I will wait here to avoid suspicion, then see myself out. I’ll come find you after the event is over.”

“Ok.” You honestly weren’t paying that much attention to what he was saying.

Lucifer reached for your hand, then lifted it to kiss it. “I hope this was certainly ‘inspirational’ for you.”

“Oh, it was.” You teased back.

The demon smirked as he released your hand. “I look forward to your next book then.” He then opened the door. His body concealed by the plywood. “Good luck with your fans.”

You gave him a smile and returned to your work. No one made any comment about your appearance, so maybe no one noticed; or was too polite to say anything. It was almost like nothing happened.

But when you moved in your seat, or shifted your legs, you could feel the wetness in your panties, or Lucifer’s cum slip out of you. So the fantasy was definitely a reality.

#;ask and ye shall receive (request answers)#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me scenarios #obey me imagines #obm scenarios #obm imagines #scenarios #imgaines #lucifer #obey me lucifer #obey me lucifer x reader #obey me lucifer x mc #obey me lucifer x you #lucifer x reader #obey me smut

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outro-jo · 2 years ago

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NCT 127 and Romcom Moments

pairing: nct members x reader (gender neutral)

type: scenarios

summary: moments with nct that feel like something out of a romcom

warnings: none?

a/n: i didn’t edit too much also jaehyun’s is super cheesy 😩 please read info before requesting

UPDATE: T*eil has been removed

masterlist | info

—————————

taeyong- it was actually the day you two met. the warmth of spring was just starting and the cherry blossoms were just starting to bloom. you were out walking your dog, enjoying the sunshine when suddenly you knocked into someone. not only that, your dog began to spin around you and the stranger, entangling you in the leash. your cheeks burned with embarrassment as you scolded your dog and pleaded for him to stop. it was his giggle you heard first. it filled the air so beautifully and time seemed to stop as you look up and saw his shining eyes and you could tell he was smiling even under his mask. “gwaenchanh,” he reassured you with a chuckle before finally looking down back at you. he paused, the smile slowly fading. the two of you gazed at each other for a moment before the stranger snapped out of it, clearing his throat and reaching down to pet your dog. “he’s so cute. what’s his name?” and so it began.

johnny- he had messed up. leaving you alone in a crowded restaurant with the promise of meeting you for lunch but it was bordering on dinner time and you were getting tired of being stood up again and again. you understood his job and the importance of sharing your boyfriend with his dream career but it was getting old. you left the restaurant, a water on your table dripping with the condensation of being left untouched. you rushed down the street, feeling the tears sting in your eyes and you just ran until you were in a park. you found a vacant swing and sat down to cry not caring about who might pass you. suddenly you see a tall dark shadow behind you and you knew immediately who it was. “how did you find me?” you asked in a low tone. “we share location, remember?” he let out a groan as he sat in the swing next to you. one thing led to another and the two of you began to get heated, yelling your respective points to one another in frustration. both of you stubborn, set in your ways. “why can’t you be there for me!?” you cried out. “i want to, babe, but i can’t just leave in the middle of a schedule you know that!” he shouted back. soon you both were on your feet, glaring back at the other. faces red, veins popping out, getting closer and closer as the tension climbed. “sometimes i hate you!!” you yelled out but rather than johnny taking what you said personally, he found himself quite turned on by your display and quickly took you by the back of the neck to pull you in for a heated kiss. the heat that burned in your chest fell to your stomach, your shoulders relaxed and you reached up to his broad shoulders to steady yourself and deepen the kiss. after a moment your lips parted for air and your foreheads connected. “i don’t hate you.” you whispered between pants of breath. “i know.” johnny breath with a quiet chuckle. “i just miss you.” “i know, i miss you too.”

yuta- the rain poured outside. inside was the soft singing of yuta working on his part in the newest song yet to debut. he repeated the melody over and over with different lyrics until he was satisfied and could move on. you sat on the other end of the sofa reading a romance novel you’d finally gotten around to reading. it was a period piece, beautifully written to make you feel as though you were experiencing the story yourself. the two main characters fighting after a few chapters of pining after one another when one of them had run out into the rain and the other chased after them, resulting in a searing kiss. it was stupid but you’d always wanted a kiss in the rain. you looked up and watched yuta, intently focused on the scribbles of lyrics in front of him when suddenly the realization hit you. you quickly got up and grabbed yuta’s hand, pulling him out into the backyard ignoring his whines of protest. “baaabbee!! we’re getting all wet and not the fun kind!” “just hush!” you stared up at him for a minute, watching his hair soak, sticking to his forehead. his eyebrows furrowed in confusion but they quickly rose in surprise as you reached up to pull him into a kiss. yuta felt stiff at first but it didn’t take long for him to relax into the kiss, returning it willingly. after a few beats you pulled away, looking up at him, breathless. “this is what you wanted?” he finally asked. you nodded in response. he smiled wide, “well i hope you’re happy…” he paused, looking up. “you know how much i hate rain.” “sorry,” you shrugged. “yeah, i’m sure you are. you’re in so much trouble!” yuta playfully growled at you and started chasing you around your small backyard as you squealed. “get back here!”

doyoung- you and doyoung had been friends for a while. you were like his safe space, understanding him and bringing him peace like so few have in the past. he always invited you to events to keep him calm and while other speculated about the relationship between the two of you, nothing ever happened to your dismay. while your feelings for him grew, you suppressed them in order to remain friends with him. it was better to feel this way in silence than to not have him at all. little did you know he felt the same way about you but it would take quite a bit to get it out of him. on opposite sides of the room it was the very thing you were both discussing. doyoung stood next to taeyong with a longing look in his eyes fixed on you as you laughed with haechan. “when are you gonna tell her?” taeyong sounded almost annoyed watching this play out for the 500th time. “never. i can’t do that to us.” doyoung said sadly, averting his gaze to his shoes. “it could be the best thing to ever happen to you.” the leader encouraged softly. “it could be the worst.” doyoung looked at the older. “only one way to find out.” unbeknownst to him, haechan was teasing you of the very same thing. “he’s totally staring at you with this lovesick, puppy dog look. poor hyung!” haechan laughed. “come on! not this again! Doyoung doesn’t like me in that way!” you stressed yet again. “trust me, i’ve known doyoungie for a long time now and he’s down bad!” “down bad?!?” you repeated with a laugh. “yup! real bad.” once again you brushed haechan’s comments off and continued through the night until you found yourself in the backseat of the car sm had to drive you and doyoung to the event and back. it was quiet. the sounds of the highway only adding to the awkward tension that suddenly arose between you two, both desperately wanting to say what’s unsaid but terrified. “what if i lose them?” the shared thought ringing in both of your minds. it’ll be over soon, you were already on your street. the relief washed over you as the car stopped in front of your apartment. “thanks for coming with me.” doyoung punctuating it with the awkward smile as always. “of course. if you’re not busy tomorrow we should get lunch or something.” you said as the seat belt released. “yeah, i’ll text you.” he nodded finally giving you a more genuine smile with his teeth, making your heart melt. “ok, bye.” you got out into the cold, bringing your arms up to your shoulders and trudged on up to your door. the car behind you started to drive off but you heard the breaks screech and footsteps running up behind you. you turned around, “Doyou—“ his lips pressed firmly against yours, cutting you off in a kiss. your heart raced and you could have sworn your feet left the ground for a bit. “i can’t do this anymore” he panted out, breathless when you broke away. “do what?” your head was still reeling from the kiss. “i can’t be your friend anymore.” confusion crept in the corners of your mind. was this goodbye? were you losing him forever? your heart sank. “oh…” the sadness in your tone told him he didn’t quite choose the right words. “no! i mean, i need more. i want to be more… than friends.” he stepped back, barely mumbling the last of his words. “oh.” you said much brighter this time and the silence rose again as you stared back at him in disbelief. surely you had gone inside and gone to bed. “could you maybe say something else?” Doyoung chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. you snapped out of your daze, “right! i want that too! i have for a while now.” “really?” you nodded excitedly. Doyoung didn’t waste another second, pulling you back in for another kiss. “finally” you both thought.

jaehyun- soft sunlight broke through the curtains, rousing you from your sleep. you rolled over and felt the weight of an arm across your waist. suddenly you began to remember, jaehyun had asked you to come to milan with him for fashion week. the same giddiness you felt when he handed you the plane ticket swelled in your chest again as you watched him, face buried in the pillow breathing deeply, still in sleep. you rolled to your side, shuffling over to place kisses on his exposed cheek. though his eyes were closed, a smile spread across his face. “good morning, angel.” he greeted you with his deep, groggy morning voice. “we’re in milan.” you whispered to him excitedly earning a low chuckle. it was your first time in the city and you didn’t want to miss a single thing. “someone ready to go exploring?” your sleepy boyfriend asked. his eyes still hadn’t opened but he could feel the exaggerated nod you were giving. he pulled you in by the arm that still draped across your waist and he finally opened his eyes to you before leaning up to kiss you neither of you caring about the morning breath. “ok, join me in the shower and we can get going.” he told you. in an instant you were up and rushing to the en-suite. it started at a little cafe for espressos and pastries and eventually led to quaint little shops, a museum or two, walks by water, a day spent taking in all the city had to offer. jaehyun had the good sense to bring along his film camera to capture moment throughout the day. after a quick nap in the afternoon, jaehyun had you dressed and ready to go to a local restaurant for dinner. he sat across from you, eyes glistening in the candle light and your hand in his, thumb swiping across the back of your hand adoringly. “how was your first day in milan, my love?” he asked already knowing the answer but wanting to hear it from you. “it was perfect. you spoiled me too much, though.” you playfully scolded him. jaehyun shook his head, “impossible,” he leaned in, “for you, my darling, i’d give you the world.” heat rose in your cheeks. despite being together for sometime now, jaehyun always knew what to say or do to have you an absolute fool for him. “i’m glad to do it. anything to make this trip special for you.” he smiled wide. “you make everyday special.”

jungwoo- it was early, way too early for you to even be up. the sun was in it’s hiding place but that didn’t stop jungwoo from waking you up. “babe, c’mon let’s go!” he said with more enthusiasm than anyone should have at this hour. “what? go where?” you asked groggily, rubbing your eyes. “put these on.” he tossed you a hoodie of his and a pair of leggings before tossing a bag over his shoulder. of course, he ignores all your questions entirely but your brain isn’t functioning enough to question anything. you got dressed and followed him down to the parking deck. he got you buckled in the car and you immediately fell back asleep. this didn’t bother jungwoo, he loved watching you curled up, deep breaths of sleep intermingling with the soft playing of the radio. you don’t know how long you were asleep for but the car finally stopped and jungwoo woke you up again. “baby! get up, we’re here!” you sat up, trying to acclimate to your surroundings and the light of the sun that had finally risen. “where are we?” you asked again. “the beach! c’mon!” he grabbed the back from the backseat and got out of the car. you rushed out behind him, meeting in the middle to take his hand and rush down into the sand. it wasn’t quite summer yet so it was probably too cold to be out but it meant that there was no one around and you had the entire beach to yourself. the empty space allowed you and jungwoo the freedom to run around and act like children again. “tag!” you tapped him before running in the opposite direction. “oh! no fair!” he ran off after you. it didn’t take long for him to catch up to you, grabbing you by the waist and spinning you around. the entire day was filled with laughter and chasing after each other on the expanse of the beach until you collapsed on to the sand. jungwoo chuckled and fell beside you. “thank you.” you told him softly. “for what?” he rolled over on his side, propping up on his elbow to look at you. “today. for loving me so good. for making life fun.” you told him. he smiled down at you adoringly, “i think i should be thanking you too then.”

mark- mark was quick to notice the way you bounced your knee, a habit that told him you were nervous. he reached across the arm rest and grabbed your hand, bringing the back up for a kiss. “dude, you need to chill.” he told you in a low tone when your gaze met his. “sorry, i know. its just… what if the don’t like me.” you and your boyfriend of two years were currently thousands of feet in the air making your way to his home to meet his family and friends. mark let out a laugh in disbelief, “not like you? you’re crazy you know that. my family is gonna love you.” he did his best to reassure you despite the voices in your mind telling you otherwise. “promise?” you asked. he reached out his other hand extending his pinky as he always does to make a promise, repeating the word as your pinkies linked. mark was nothing if not a man of his word. the two of you arrived in Vancouver, pulling up to his family’s house. his mom rushed out to greet him, pulling him into a hug. they shared greetings and kisses before her attention was on you. mark moved on to hug his dad while his mom wrapped her arms around you in an embrace. you were immediately met with a familiar warmth and you suddenly knew where mark got it from. “i’m so glad to finally meet you!” she exclaimed, rocking side to side with you. “you too!” “mark won’t stop talking about you.” his dad quipped, patting his son’s back. “all good, i hope.” you cringed as you pulled back from the hug. “of course!” his mom reassured you and embraced you again. they invited you in to meet the other relatives and family friends, all eager to see mark after quite some time away and get to know the person that had stolen his heart. you met his brother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, his childhood best friends—any and everyone mark could introduce you to. as the day wore on and dusk approached, you were in the backyard sat in a chair next to his mom, watching him play with the younger cousins. your heart swelled watching him laugh and encourage the younger ones in the game. mark’s mom wasn’t watching him like you thought but admiring the smile on your face. “i’m really glad it was you that mark brought home. i can see you love him.” your face burned in embarrassment. “really?” “yep, and all i can ask as a mother is that my son is well loved and i know him well enough to know he’s crazy about you.” she said. “he is?” you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. of course you knew mark loved you, he told you every chance he got, but to hear his mom affirm it meant a lot. “you’re the only one he’s brought home and i see how he looks at you. my mom said his dad looked at me like that. you two are meant for each other.” her words echoed in your mind, leaving you speechless with a stupid grin on your face. after a few minutes, mark rushed over to kiss it right off your face. “mom isn’t giving you a hard time is she?” he asked jokingly, sending her a wink. “not at all…” you beamed up at him. “but i think she was just about to show me your baby pictures.” you teased back. “oh, yes” she was right with you, getting up and taking you hand to guide you back inside. “noooo!” mark whined, trailing behind you two.

haechan- it was a quiet day at home. a rare off day for you as you laid on your bed, hands above your head as you caught up on what you missed on social media. what you didn’t expect was the door opening and shutting, your boyfriend loudly announcing himself as he bounded back to the bedroom. “what are you doing here?” you asked him. “well, i thought i lived here but there’s a gorgeous model in my bed.” he teased you, flopping down half on top of you. “shut up!” you shoved him and returned your attention to your phone. donghyuk was surprisingly ok with the silence, resting his head on your stomach and watching you scroll, your soft, rhythmic breaths raising him up and down. after a few minutes, you were keenly aware of his eyes on you. “can i help you?” you deadpanned, not taking your eyes off your phone. “nope.” he smiled. “well then take a picture, it’ll last longer.” “ah, you’re right.” he bounced up to his knees and pulled out his phone. “no!” you squealed, raising your arms to block him. “what? you said to! hold still.” donghyuk fought against you playfully trying to get a good shot but all he got were blurry photos of you laughing. “that’s it!” he feigned frustration and tossed his phone aside, his finger digging into your sides. “no!” you cried out between fits of giggles. “stop it!” he didn’t take a single plea seriously and continued tickling you until you both were breathless. he fell beside you, both of you staring at the ceiling for a bit to catch your breath. “i love you.” he sighed happily. you shot up, “what?” you two had been together for a short time and you both had agreed not to pressure each other or rush things but he couldn’t hold it in any longer. he sat up next to you, face sure, steady and his eyes full of adoration. “you need me to say it again?” he teased. “yes.” you breathed out. he smiled, leaning in closer and made sure to look straight in your eyes, “i love you.” the air left your lungs. you could feel every syllable in your bones like electricity. he was so certain in the way he said it, like nothing was gonna change his mind. warmth spread in your chest and you leaned in the rest of the way to press your lips to his. “i love you, too.”

#nct #nct 127 #nct 127 reactions #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 fanfic #nct 127 fluff #nct 127 fic #taeyong #taeil #johnny #yuta #doyoung #jaehyun #jungwoo #mark #haechan

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animentality · 2 years ago

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Depression and ADHD took away my ability to enjoy novels a long time ago, when I was 18.

I used to be a big reader. Ever since I was a kid, I'd plow through hundreds of books a year, no joke, no hyperbole. I was raised by an older mom, who didn't let me watch TV or use the internet until I was about 12, so books were the thing I loved most, aside from games I could play on the Gameboy Advanced or the SP or the Nintendo DS.

But books I could read under the desk at school. Books I could smuggle more places. I always had a hyperactive imagination. It was like watching a movie or a tv show in my head. I was a child perpetually lost in day dreams and fantasies.

I could read anything at all. Romances, historical fiction, fantasy, science fiction, literary.

I snapped up just about any story I could get my hands on.

But then I became a teenager, and then I showed symptoms of depression.

And I still read books, but in lesser numbers.

I read less and less every year.

And then I went to college. And then things just got worse.

I stopped watching movies, which were something I used to adore. I couldn't, literally could not, watch TV shows. I couldn't muster enthusiasm for anything at all.

I played video games, but they didn't make me happy. They didn't stimulate my imagination or give me joy.

They were just something I could use to while away my time in between the agonizing bouts of loneliness and apathy.

If I didn't have them, I would just be lying in my bed, in the utter darkness, staring up at the ceiling, wishing there was something, anything at all, that I cared about.

So I got my BA and master's degree, and all the while, every day, I asked myself why I did anything at all. Why I was not happy.

Why I didn't care about anything.

Just about the only thing I cared about was the books I was writing, and even them, I felt this horrible notion that they were all I had, and yet, that was nothing. They were as empty as I was.

So anyway.

One day, I started researching bridges to throw myself off of.

And uh. Well. Not to go into any gory details, but there was one friend I had, a long distance internet friend, who got concerned and sent some of my more troubling messages to my mom.

Who then took me to a hospital. And anyway, that part actually isn't important. All that matters is that I got medicated.

And the world sort of turned itself over, and I could start over.

And then suddenly the world wasn't brighter, it wasn't happier, but I could feel things again.

I could have interests. I was interested in everything, the way I used to be.

And then I started to love movies again. and then I started to love TV shows again (Cocaine Bear and Severance come to mind first, not sure why, but that's irrelevant, I guess).

And finally, we come back...to novels.

So this year, I have been reading books. Great books. Some bad books.

And some wonderful.

And I just wanted...to talk about The Night Circus.

by Erin Morgenstern.

Because this book...was breathtakingly good. Like.

Like...I have been out of practice.

I have been reading some decent books. Books with great premises, but disappointing follow throw.

Some great books, but with predictable twists or rather tired prose. Books that I liked, but won't think about again.

And then I read Night Circus. And suddenly, I...I knew what it felt like. Again.

For the first time in maybe seven years, I suddenly remembered this feeling I used to have, as a child, hiding behind a bush during recess, and reading Redwall or Animorphs or Goosebumps.

I was almost giddy with the feeling, it was like stepping back in time.

Back to before I started hurting, and even before I started feeling nothing at all, and everything felt so bright. So filled with lively colors.

I was vibrating, I was so emotional, I was so invested.

I literally was about to go to bed at 2 am, a reasonable time, but the Night Circus picked up, and it was suddenly so imperative that I finish it right now. I could NOT tear myself away.

And I am close to tears.

Not just because the book was wonderful and sad.

Honestly, this is hilarious to me, but as much as I loved the book, I still found myself criticizing some of its makeup, specifically slow pacing and some of the meandering. There was also a somewhat anti climatic solution to a problem that I sort of wish had been explained sooner as a possibility.

But honestly, it doesn't matter at all! All that mattered was that it thrilled me! It fascinated me! It spoke to me directly and grabbed a hold of my heart.

It tore me away from what I was planning on doing and dragged me into its world, in its pages, and I was moved by the book!

It's so fucking hard to move me! Especially a novel.

Movies and TV shows can move me much easier, because there's something so very human about needing to see faces, hear voices, experience the raw emotions through a screen that captures it all.

But this novel....Night Circus...oh my god, I had not felt so powerfully fond of a story in a long time.

I finished it, and I thought, this was what it was like, being ten...and yet, at the same time, as familiar as it was, it was also something new.

This was rediscovering something beautiful and lovely and old and new. It was drudging up the past, while creating something worthwhile, in the present.

It was the good kind of hurt.

It'll stay with me forever.

I was so happy. I am so happy.

I never expected to love this book so much.

I honestly don't even care to call this a review. I almost don't even want to talk about the specifics of its plot or its world or anything.

I just wanted to talk about how wonderful it felt to be so immersed in anything again.

To fall into a book and never want to leave its pages, and to be jarred by reality, when you realize it's over.

I am so glad to be happy, after that long dull period where nothing mattered.

I am so happy to be here. I am so happy to be alive.

To watch a good movie, to see a good show, to write novels where good things happen, where love and despair and joy and misery all happen.

To read a spectacular book, late into the night.

If I die tomorrow, I will be most disappointed, but at least, I could experience the best things in life again.

At least, I remembered in the night before my passing, what it felt like to be inspired and shaken by the creation of another person, to be touched by art, that moves you and changes you irreversibly.

I want to read more.

I want to be alive for as long as I possibly can.

I want to see the world change and I want to live every day of my life and I want to watch every good movie and every good tv show, and I want to read hundreds of books again. I want to write thousands of books.

And I don't know how you, in particular, found me or this post, but I hope whoever you are, you're also doing things that you like.

I hope you find that story you need. or make the story you need.

I hope you remember this feeling, and experience this feeling for the first time.

Maybe Night Circus is your book, maybe it's not, but either way, I wish it upon all. Upon everyone.

Read, write, draw, watch, create.

Do it all, and then do none of it, and go the fuck to sleep.

#writing #writers on tumblr #the night circus #erin morgenstern #spilled ink #depression #adhd #reading #book recs #literature #aaghahaha #im gonna combust #i am drowning #good night all #this shall be buried in the dirt of 4 am

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geuwon · 6 months ago

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pairing: zoro x sanji / zosan (one piece)

genre: fluff, idiocy, getting together, mutual pining

warnings: none, just headache inducing dumbassery from the two of them

ao3

sanji never liked books. he thinks they're too unrealistic to entertain him. the only ones he can stand are those with recipes.

that was until robin introduced him to a "stupid" romance novel, one that he liked quite a lot.

since then, he's become a bookworm and bonds more with robin over their shared interests. he has also been comparing a certain marimo to the books he enjoys.

about how unpredictable the novels that robin recommended to him are, just like the seaweed. how he enjoys watching zoro's day-to-day routine, just like how the books entertain him. how he thinks he knows where the story is going but then it takes a huge turn- just like zoro, who surprises him with every move he does.

a plot twist, an enigma, that's what zoro is. zoro is like a book to sanji, maybe that's what got him hooked to books in the first place- which he never liked from the start, zoro, yes that's it. he likes books like how he likes zoro.

but of course, the marimo doesn't need to know that.

just like in books, he's gonna be watching from afar, silently watching zoro until he gets his own lover and reaches a happy ending. then that's where his cue to stop is going to come.

books are entertaining and this should be as well, right? he's gonna stay as an outsider from zoro's romance story, like how he reads books. he's gonna root for zoro, the main lead, and his love interest, he would want them to get together, for his own enjoyment as well.

so why the hell does it hurt?

guess that's the difference between books and reality.

the other gives you little pangs of pain whenever the main couple have misunderstandings, the other.. well, makes you suffer in silence. much worse that being kicked by blackleg sanji himself, the very own sanji bets.

'whatever', the blonde brushes it off. these stupid feelings will go away soon anyway. he's too busy to fall inlove, it won't do him any good in finding the All Blue. 'it's just a little crush because zoro is so cool and hot- nothing serious.'

is what he'd like to say if this "stupid little crush" hasn't been here for the past 6 months already.

okay- so he might be slightly inlove with the marimo BUT it's sure to go away soon. he swears.

while he was having an internal conflict about his dumbass feelings, zoro casted him a look, and gave a gut-wrenching (positive) smile that made him want to rip out his beating heart in an instant.

it's times like these that sanji falls harder for the goddamn marimo. a smile so so small while he's working out and the blonde relaxing a few inches away, a pat on the head after zoro finishes his dinner as a praise for sanji's (usual) great food, zoro hearing him out when a sudden depressive episode hits him while they're on night watch, god fucking damn it.

he IS head over heels for zoro, fine. fuck you if you somehow get the balls to mention all of this information to the dumbass.

he has no clue about sanji's feelings, and it shall stay that way because he's not kidding when he says he's gonna throw himself out of the ship, in the middle of this huge ass sea, if god forbid his feelings reached the ears of the seaweed.

zoro suddenly stopped lifting his weights and looked at sanji for a second and said, "hey cook, the dessert earlier was amazing. you remembered that i don't like sweets, thanks."

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

A RARE COMPLIMENT FROM ZORO HE'S GOING TO ACTUALLY DIE.

"ah.. it's nothing. what kind if cook am i if i don't please my customers, yeah?" sanji managed to reply normally despite malfunctioning like crazy on the inside.

he fucking hates this side of zoro.

the rare, soft, gentle, zoro who you might mistake for the man of your dreams if it weren't for the fact that this side of him is the complete opposite of the real zoro who is a brute, stupid, no-table-manners, swordsman.

the soft zoro who always manages to catch sanji off-guard and makes him wanna throw himself to outer space and never come back because of how much his heart was beating for the marimo.

he is exaggerating but he can't help it he's head over heels for the swordsman- not that he actually wants to admit to it.

despite sanji's brain going into ruins he failed to miss the smile that zoro- again- gave him.

this is the worst.

he only wanted to relax in this fine afternoon after the exhaustion of which feeding the bottomless pit that is luffy's stomach gave him, not fall inlove harder with this crewmate!

it doesn't help that their other friends are out enjoying themselves and left only the two of them to guard the ship.

yes, that's right, guard the ship AND NOT UNDRESS THE MARIMO WITH HIS EYES.

this is the worst, oh god- this is the first time he turned to the guy above whom everyone worships and it is shameless to ask but- sanji wishes for a sea king to just appear and swallow him, never to be found, never to come back aboard on the ship with the man he loves.

well apparently god hates non-worshippers because the marimo just had to talk to him again- now with a slight blush on his face.

huh? a blush? what? why-

"cook, are you dating someone?" zoro asked with a voice so quiet it makes it seem like he didn't want to speak in the first place.

sanji, confused, and quite frankly tired of running around in his own mind just because his crush did something cute, replied with a raised voice, "HUH?" which seem to have startled zoro a bit, he's used with the cook yelling all the damn time but he didn't really expect that the blonde would take offense from the question.

zoro slightly panicking, took his question back "shit. should i have not asked? sorry cook, i was curious and robin told me to ju-" but he was cut off when sanji gave a reply.

"no no no just wait you goddamn marimo- i'm not dating someone. and what do you mean you were curious?!" sanji replied with a blush that you can never miss, even if you were the dumbest seaweed on earth.

zoro returned the blush, equally flustered as the other because his motive was just exposed to the chef, "yeah- uh- i was curious, it's like i know everything about you but not if you have a lover or something.. i asked robin and she told me to just ask you directly and i did. is that weird?"

shit. zoro's actions makes it seem like he likes him back.

wait.

like.. him.. back?

"w-why were you curious in the first place anyway? i'm pretty sure you don't have a single romantic bone in you... the question isn't weird but now it is because it came from you!" sanji asked- more like demanded to know to be honest- the blush still not going away from his face.

zoro gave him a dumbfounded look, like sanji was THE dumb one, "why would you ask that? i thought you knew...?" he said with genuine confusion.

before sanji could ask- yell 'what the hell does that mean marimo?!' zoro spoke again, the most unbelievable sentence so far.

"i like you, cook."

for the love of everything holy.

sanji bursted out laughing, though not genuine, "no- haha, i must be dreaming! i read too many romance novels and now i'm projecting on my dreams that the stupid marimo actually likes me back! yeah that's it- that's what's happening here. this isn't real." he nervously laughed it off, after all it's impossible that the roronoa zoro has romantic feelings for someone, let anyone sanji himself.

the chef was proven wrong when zoro's reaction turned into one of concern, "the hell do you mean cook? this is real life. i'm being genuine here and you just laughed it off, just say so if you feel the same way, i can actually take rejections you know." after he uttered the last bit, zoro's expression turned into just genuine sadness, definitely a reaction you wouldn't expect from the man himself.

"no, god no, it's not like that you dumbass marimo! didn't you hear what i just said? i said i like you but i never expected for you to return the feelings- hell, i didn't even expect you to know your own feelings! it just feels like a dream, you know? i've been fighting my feelings for 6 months already and i swore to never let you know but here you are, confessing. i even compared you to the romance novels that robin gave me- said i would've been okay with just watching you from afar getting all happy and soft with your lover even if i knew it was a lie but then you went ahead and said all this. of course i wouldn't believe it!" sanji was practically rambling but he didn't really care, as long as the message gets through zoro's thick skull.

"what? 6 months? i never noticed!"

sanji lit up a cigarette to hide his embarrassment, "told ya' you're stupid." then he blew out a smoke.

zoro frowned at his response, "i could say the same thing to you shit cook. i've been flirting with you for 9 months already and you never noticed."

the chef choked on his own smoke, "what the hell?! how long have you liked me!?" sanji yelled while coughing slightly and zoro replied with the same volume, "since arlong park you dumbass!"

"then why the fuck did you not tell me!?"

"you're always flirting with women, who would?"

sanji looked over at zoro who he didn't notice scooted near him and stopped working out completely, and if he wasn't observant enough he would've missed the pout-y expression that zoro was making, though he was amazing at hiding it.

"yeah, my bad. we're just both idiots huh?" the cook extinguished his cigarette and grinned, zoro shortly returned the face, "yeah. you're worse though. dense as hell love cook."

"even the most intelligent person wouldn't know if you're flirting you idiot! you're always glaring at me and picking a fight, how the hell would i catch the hint? it's not like i can rea-"

"shut up and kiss me, shit cook."

they spent the whole afternoon making out (gross) and cuddling, when the crew came back they sneakily went back to doing their own thing as if nothing romantic happened in the first place.

the crew could tell though. the first fight that broke out between them after the others arrived back from their little trip was practically filled with hearts and flowers all over the both of them.

oh and a certain someone was definitely spying on them, congratulating sanji for making the scenes in his favorite romance novels come to life, albeit not as romantic.

though it is quite obvious that the cook wouldn't have his own romance any other way.

#zosan #one piece zosan #zosan fanfic #op zosan #zosan au #zoro x sanji #roronoa zoro #one piece #one piece fanfiction #one piece zoro #one piece sanji #vinsmoke sanji

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keepmeinmind-01 · 7 days ago

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wip wednesday part two—13/11

again, for accountability, these are my lines for and the hound and whumptober 3! feel free to read below the cut if you are interested in my wips for 'fantastic beasts' 💞

for whumptober 3:

Albus finally stood, moving to pour them both tea. His hands were steady. "I knew you, Theseus. I should have noticed something was wrong."

"He wanted to hurt you," Theseus said suddenly, wanting to break that calm facade. "Through me. But he wanted to be close to you again, even if it meant using someone else's hands."

Albus set his cup down. "Theseus—"

"I remember the way you looked at me." Theseus's voice was low. "Like you were seeing ghosts."

"Stop." Albus's eyes were pained when Theseus finally met them. "We can't...this isn't helpful."

"Isn't it?" Theseus ran a hand through his hair. "Because I can't stop thinking about it. About how he used me to get to you. About how some part of you responded to it, even if you didn't know why."

The tension in the room shifted, became something else entirely.

"We were both his victims," Albus said quietly. "Don't let him twist this too."

Theseus laughed again, the sound catching in his throat. "Too late for that, isn't it? He's in here now." He tapped his temple with two fingers, and then aimed them at Albus like a gun, cocked and loaded. "In there, too, I'd wager."

for and the hound:

The night air carried the scent of wet earth and decay as Theseus followed the sound of splashing. His wand-light caught Newt's muddy footprints leading toward the pond, each one a small accusation. He should have been watching more carefully. Should have known Newt would slip out again. Should have, should have, should have—the constant refrain of his life, now.

He found Newt crouched by the water's edge, completely absorbed in watching something move beneath the surface. The sight hit Theseus with unexpected force—a memory of himself at that age, collecting stones by this same pond, before Father had decided such interests weren’t normal enough.

"The spotted ones are different from yesterday," Newt said without looking up. "I think it means they're ready to mate."

Theseus should have scolded him. Should have marched him straight back to the house. Instead, he found himself kneeling in the mud beside his brother, watching as two frogs performed their awkward dance in the shallows.

"See how the male's throat sac inflates?" Newt's voice took on that precise, scientific tone he used when describing his creatures. "It's not just for making noise. The vibrations travel through the water, telling the female he's strong enough to protect their eggs."

"How do you know all this?" Theseus asked.

"I watch. I listen. Everything has a story to tell, if you pay attention. Like how your hands shake when Father's angry, even though you pretend they don't. Or how Mother hums when she's trying not to cry."

Theseus swallowed hard. "Newt, about earlier...I shouldn’t have shouted. I just—"

“I think this one used to be your favourite frog,” Newt interrupted, not seeming to hear.

"I remember," Theseus whispered. "We used to name them, didn't we?"

"Shakespeare," Newt said, pointing to the scarred frog. "Because of how dramatically he croaks."

A laugh bubbled up in Theseus's throat. "That's right. And you wanted to name the other one after something from one of Mum’s horrible romance novels—“

"Lord Ravishing," Newt supplied, grinning. "Father was so angry when he heard us—“

The smile died on both their faces.

"I'm sorry," Theseus began, and once the apology started, he couldn’t stop. "I'm so sorry, Newt. I know I've been awful. I know I'm not...I'm not the brother I used to be. I'm failing. At everything. I can't—I can't be perfect enough for Father, and I can't protect you properly, and I'm so tired of trying to be something I'm not. I know I'm not...what Father wants. Not really. I try so hard to—to protect you, but sometimes I feel like—like there's nothing left of me except what other people need me to be."

His voice cracked on the last words. To his horror, he felt tears starting to form. He tried to blink them away, but Newt had already noticed.

"Yes. You—You used to be different," Newt mumbled. He reached out to touch Theseus's face with muddy fingers.

Something rustled in the trees behind them. Theseus tensed, but Newt didn't seem to notice.

"Newt," he said carefully, "come closer to me."

But Newt was staring past him into the darkness, his eyes reflecting the moonlight like a cat's. "Oh," he breathed. "They remember you."

"What remembers me? Newt, please—"

"I need to see," Newt said, and suddenly he was running—not toward the house, but deeper into the woods, leaving Theseus alone by the pond.

thank you to @quietly-sleeping @twyrewolf @wizisbored @lizhly @enigma-the-mysterious @oriharaizayadividesintoslytherin @sourb0i @laneboyheathens @somefishycat @eriquin @violet-prism-creatively @bald-rights @whimsicalmeerkat @zyrafowe-sny @kallisto-k @stonemaskedtaliesin @adhdavinci. and thank you so much for all the advice and encouragement, i am really treasuring it hahah, no matter how niche the topics get!!

#fantastic beasts #theseus scamander #newt scamander #albus dumbledore #wip wednesday #fanfic

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possum-quesadilla · 5 months ago

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Chapter seven of Time is a Flat Circle is up and boy oh boy is it a doozy! Here are the extras for this chapter! <3

- This chapter’s title is from “Nobody” by Mitski. She was my rock throughout writing this chapter. If I had less self restraint, the entirety of both of the LoopJuice playlists would be all Mitski. I feel like this song, and the line I chose for the title in particular, really reflect what our sweet little demon wants deep down.

- “Christ on a fuckin’ bike” is taken straight from a coworker’s vernacular.

- “When did I teach him how to summon new clothes?” He did! It was mentioned in passing in a previous chapter that he showed both Adam and Barbara how to conjure new clothes. This is to show how shoddy his memory has gotten.

- “‘Beebleboose’” is, of course, a reference to everyone’s favorite sad puppet show. Also, he can’t even type out his own name due to the curse.

- “.. that erotic Colonel Sanders romance novel..” this is a real thing, unfortunately.

- “The idea of eating brought the bitter taste of bile to the back of his mouth.” One unfortunate possible side affect of burnout is an aversion to food. Everything suddenly seems disgusting, and just the idea of eating sickens you.

- “His lips remained still. It felt as if his whole mouth was coated in cotton.” This is sign of overstimulation I personally experience quite regularly. Your mouth just refuses to work!

- On that same note - a side effect of persistent autistic burnout is significant memory loss and/or brain fog. Hence why Beej forgot (and still continues to sometimes) that the humans can now remember everything.

- “Can I touch you, Bug?” Always ask permission before touching someone who you believe to be having some sort of panic attack or meltdown. Barbara knows to do this due to her experience with Adam!

- “Look at those chompers!” Indeed! Beetlejuice’s teeth are based on that of a spotted hyena, like Adam theorizes later. They have a specialized premolar that can break bone. Here is a pic for reference!

- “How come your tears are black?” It’s actually because they’re mixed with soot from the hellfire in his chest! Beetlejuice’s tears smell like a campfire.

- “Sometimes he still felt like roadkill again.” He has yet to be hit by a car, but he has been trampled by horses.

- “He was a bit taken aback at how curly and.. fluffy his hair had gotten.” They have hair that naturally curls, it’s just been so long since it was clean enough for them to see it. After this point, Beetlejuice’s hair is curly and voluminous! That’s why the other characters find it hard to resist playing with.

- “.. odd rumbling sensation..” Beetlejuice doesn’t know what purring is, or that they do it. They just find the noise embarrassing.

- Adam had a hyperfixation on animals at large when he was young, and spent his free time as a wee tot rereading books of animal facts. This is why he is so knowledgeable and enthused about BJ’s animalistic traits.

- “I met a real foxy witch in a swamp who had an alligator familiar once.” This is a reference to the webcomic Muted, which is about queer witches in New Orleans. Give it a read!

- “C’mon Beej, don’t be like that! You’re, like, the Mike to their Debbie and Dave!” “… what?” “You’re the Gonzo to their Kermit and Miss Piggy!” These are references to my (and Lydia’s) favorite throuple ships in media, besides Beetlands. Mike, Debbie, and Dave are from “Killer Klowns from Outer Space”, and Gonzo, Kermit, and Miss Piggy are, of course, from The Muppets.

- Beetlejuice’s frantic shrimp pocketing is based on another character I deeply relate to, Eleanor Shellstrop from “The Good Place”.

- “‘who in this wide world does not know the great B-” This line is a reference to the musical “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”, specifically the song “Pretty Women”. I cannot stop the musical references unfortunately

- Ms. Keaton is supposed to be the old woman who tries to bring a pie to the Deetz family in the musical, but her name is, of course, a reference to Michael Keaton, the original actor for Beetlejuice in the Tim Burton film.

- On the surgeries Beetlejuice mentioned - he has gotten top surgery! He is very proud of his top surgery scars. They are not the scars he mentioned being ashamed of in a previous chapter.

- As stated, Lydia is a demigirl! She uses she/they pronouns, and Beetlejuice is nonbinary and uses he/they/it pronouns.

- On the head bumping - Lydia picked it up shortly after Beetlejuice first did it to her. It’s how cats and Beetlejuice show affection. Barbara and Adam are slowly starting to adopt it over time as well.

- Beetlejuice’s horns are, like Adam theorizes, based on a sheep’s. Here is a little sketch of how they used to look, and how they look now! (Also, a peek at his ears. I’m not entirely happy how they came out in the drawing, so this may change.)

- The tail!! Here is a rough drawing of how it looks.

- It is not scaled like a snake, but rather like a possum’s tail. It is prehensile, meaning it can grip things and even support his weight if he used it to hang upside down. It reaches down to about his ankles. The tip shakes like a rattlesnake’s (no noise, though) when he’s nervous or deep in thought, or just as a self-soothing thing. This is based on what my own cat’s tail does when he’s nervous!

- The ear-piercing scene is meant to evoke a similar one in “The Parent Trap”, since it is a sibling bonding scene I really enjoy and find very affective.

- On the demons of their past - each demon’s name is based on a star, like Beetlejuice’s own. They are unafraid to envoke Rigel’s name because he is dead. Deb and Cyrus are nicknames based on their true names, like Beetlejuice and Betelgeuse. I am excited to have Deb and Cyrus to show up in Part 2!

- Beetlejuice’s first marriage was by choice to someone he knew. Their second marriage was an arranged political union.

- Deb is a trans woman!

- “I’ll talk more, just cut it out with the weird… teary eyes!” Not even demons are immune to puppy-dog eyes.

- Beetlejuice’s favorite meal was a bone broth made from meal scraps and various herbs.

- “Chari-sard” Adam was comparing Beetlejuice to a Charizard. Both the demon and the Pokémon have flames that are connected to their life force, and they will die if it ever goes out.

- The whole scene describing Beetlejuice’s favorite meal is based on a similar scene in “Isle of Dogs”, where a stray dog describes the only time he was ever adopted before. He bit a member of his new family so hard he had to be hospitalized, and he doesn’t know why he did it. He says he thinks maybe he was scared. The grandmother of the family brought him a bowl of chili while he was locked in the garden shed, which he says he likes to imagine was for him. He escaped after that and went back to being a stray. This scene strikes a chord with me, and reminds me very deeply of Beetlejuice. He doesn’t understand why he lashes out. He doesn’t want to. He’s not a violent demon. He’s just… scared. (Highly recommend “Isle of Dogs” if you enjoy this fic! It, along with Wes Anderson’s other films, really resonate with me and my experience as an autistic/neurodivergent person. There will be references to “Fantastic Mr. Fox” and “Asteroid City”, as they also greatly influenced how I think and write.)

- Barbara enjoys cooking, as she has a very perceptive palette and likes to experiment. Adam is more adept at baking, because he likes to follow instructions.

- The “shrimps is bugs” hoodie is a real one that one of my good friends has. He is studying etymology.

- “Don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious-” this is based off of a popular gag in “Parks and Rec”, one of my favorite shows. (And Adam and Barbara’s! The millennials in my life love a good workplace comedy.)

- “Why couldn’t he just he just grip the spoon the same way he had with his left hand?” Beetlejuice is unaware that dominant and nondominant hands are a thing.

- Like my beloved millennial dad figure, Adam has a deep love for a random movie from the 80’s. I feel like every dad’s got one. His is, of course, “The Terminator”. Arnold Schwarzenegger was his bisexual awakening. All of the factoids he shares about the film are true!

- Finally, the legs! Like his horns, Beetlejuice’s legs resemble that of a sheep’s own back legs. His hooves are cloven, like stated, and his fur is black with brown undertones, like a black cat, or this sheep below! The fur doesn’t grow out much due to stress, but he used to have to shear it often by himself as a child. He probably will have to start doing so again the healthier and happier he gets!

- Nurse Ratched is a villainous nurse from pop culture. Research her with caution, as she does some rather heinous things. Barbara likes true crime!

- A “Texas Switch” is a technique used in filming, and is used in “The Terminator”. My favorite example is in “A Quiet Place Part Two”!

- “Odd, reattached limbs had never healed that quickly before.” That is because they are getting proper care!

- “To distract from the odd little sound they involuntarily made, (seriously, what was that? A chirp?)” It was a trill! Or as I call it, a ‘mrrp’. Some people call it the “cat activation noise”.

- “Some strange show about people working for the government” this is, of course, “Parks and Rec”!

- And that’s it, nothing else happened in this chapter and it ended happily :) (The flashbacks BJ had while having a panic attack are from his mother, Rigel, and Lydia stabbing him, obviously. Yes, all of them stabbing him in some way.)

#beetlejuice fanfic #beetlejuice #beetlejuice the musical #lawrence beetlejuice shoggoth #loopjuice #lydia deetz #time is a flat circle #adam maitland #barbara maitland #LoopJuice extras #LoopJuice chapter

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akiranzee · 1 year ago

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🌠 • ° ` — “WISHING FOR YOU”

-> PAIRINGS: Alhaitham x gn!Y/n -> SUMMARY: Alhaitham and Y/n L/n, from 2 different universes, suddenly encounter by a miracle. -> WORD COUNT: 2.2k+ -> CONTAINS: fluff, cliffhanger at end (imsry), swearing, KINDA CONFUSING PLOT?? (idk) & alhaitham is 25 while reader is 22. -> A/N: KINDA INSPIRED BY “Your Name”?? IDK I HAVEN’T RLLY FINISHED WATCHING IT LOL. C/n is “cat’s name” :)).

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“Ok I give up. How come all of you has him when I don't have him.” You gave your friends a deadpanned look, setting your tablet down.

“It’s called luck darling.” One of your friends replied, sending you a playful wink.

“Well my luck is seriously dead. Anyway, I’m going home. I need to feed my cat.” You said, getting your shoulder bag and leaving your friend’s house.

“Aw, I thought you were gonna stay.. Anyway, say hi to C/n for me!” One of your friends yelled back, waving at you, and you also did, but your back was faced to them.

~~~~~

Reaching your home after a few more steps, your cat greeted you happily.

“Aw, you’re a cute little thing, aren’t you, C/n?” You petted them and led them inside the house, “come, let's get you food, hmm?”

After giving your cat their food, you hummed as you cooked your own dinner. You tasted the curry you were cooking, and it tastes delicious. You were delighted by the result as this was the first time you’re cooking curry.

You took a plate and served the curry on the table, but as you did, suddenly, the lights went out. The only thing visible to you now was the scorching, running light outside.

You peeked through your window, and saw a meteor shower outside, as your cat followed you.

You’ve heard that wishing on a meteor shower will make your wish come true.

You don’t believe it, but you instead find it quite childish. But trying it out right now doesn’t sound bad, does it? Especially when you’ll lose nothing if you try.

You closed your eyes and wished.

And as you opened your eyes, the meteor shower has ended and the lights went back on.

It was peculiar, but your stomach was demanding for food, so you never really gave it any thought.

~~~~~

But as the next day started, you went inside the library you’re working at, and all your fellow librarians were whispering and gushing on about something, or someone.

You walked over to them and asked, “hey, what’s up you guys?”

“Eee! Y/n, you’re here! See that man with gray hair and green eyes? He’s so handsome!” Your close co-worker squealed as she pointed at him, which you followed, revealing a gorgeous man reading a book.

Just like the meteor shower last night, you were mesmerized by the sight in front of you. And you feel like the emptiness of your whole world was suddenly filled just by staring at him.

But soon, it was cut off as the woman’s hand appeared in your sight, forcing you to stop staring and come back to earth.

“Ah… sorry. Let’s get to work, guys.” You changed the subject and immediately went to your post, serving as the cashier.

Apparently, the library you’re working at has millions and millions of books, that nobody dared count it. It had all the books people would want; romance, novel, documentaries, horror, adult, and more.

But only rich people would dare buy a book from here, considering the prices of each book being $5,000+.

That’s why you were shocked when the gray-haired man literally carried 10 books and put them in front of you, handing you his credit card.

“Umm… Are you sure you’re gonna buy all of this?” You asked him once again to make him rethink his decision. But fortunately, he bought it all.

“Yes. They sound very interesting. They deserve to be added to my collection.” He said bluntly, and whispered a thanks as you handed him the box full of books he just bought.

And to put it short, he does kind of remind you of someone.

Remember that guy from Sumeru who really loves reading books? Yeah, him — Alhaitham.

Even him and the guy looks alike. Mentioning the hair and eyes, the skin tone, the height, and his voice.

He really does look like Alhaitham.

You gasp softly at the sudden thought; that what if your wishes came true, but the only difference is that you didn’t get him in game, but in real life…?

For the whole duration of your working hours, your brainstorming of theories about this and thats has officially driven you crazy, just looking at one spot for 10 minutes, and then looking somewhere else for 10 minutes again.

Even your fellow librarians were getting scared about your peculiar acting that they’re starting to think you’re being possessed or something.

But at the end of the day, you knew you had to snap out of it and come back to earth once again; and head home.

Reaching your home, your cat greeted you once again, and everyday life went on and on as it usually does.

But the unusual part of it is; you and the man that looks like Alhaitham keeps crossing paths — as if fate desperately wants the two of you for each other.

But you only took it as mere coincidences, but as the saying goes; One means nothing, two means coincidence, and three means something. Which the encounter of the both of you have literally been 5+ times, and that is not considered as a coincidence anymore.

And you swore to yourself; one more encounter, you were gonna lock yourself up inside your house.

And so you did. A fellow co-worker you’re close with came and visited you as they didn’t take your “I’m sick” excuse, banging on your door as if it was gonna break any second now.

“Urgh. Okay, okay, coming!” You rushed to your door, hoping to save it from the hellish knocks it was suffering.

“Oh my god, took you forever!” The shorter lady then tiptoed and placed the back of her palm on your forehead and said, “see? Sick my ass! You look perfectly fine!” And she practically dragged you out of your apartment, but finally convinced her to let you change into something nice.

By the time you entered the library, the man that looked like Alhaitham was there, and the both of you made eye contact which made you quite embarrassed when he looked away and towards his book.

So you did the same; walking away and going to your post in the cashier.

Normally, it would be a boring day, but today, the library offered a 50% discount to the top hit sales today; mangas. So to cut it short, a lot of people bought mangas and yes, unusual and surprising, but the library was full of people that the staffs were also confused where to go or what to do.

You sighed as you finally sat down, you definitely couldn’t wait to get your well deserved meal and bath, along with a goodnight’s sleep later.

As you began to close your eyes, you felt the sleep coming to you.

“Shouldn’t you be doing your job instead of dozing off?” A voice asked, and that instantly made you jolt awake.

“Huh? What?” You looked around as if looking for something, only to see the owner of the voice; the man that looks like Alhaitham.

“I’ve been looking for this book”, he says as he swipes through his phone and shows the picture to you, “do you happen to see it or have some stock left?” He questioned, and you slowly stood up, taking a closer look at the picture.

“Oh, yeah, we have that on stock. But are you sure? It's for $10,000.” You said as you rubbed your eyes, as the man took his phone away from you and put it back into his pocket.

“I remember buying 10 books that costs $50,000+. Surely, $10,000 on 1 book doesn’t sound impossible now, does it?” His choice of words and the way he says it really sounds like the Alhaitham from the game you’re playing.

You stayed silent and bowed, then went inside the storage room to look for that book, not knowing what else to reply to his sarcasm.

After a few minutes, you came back with the book in hand, and then the man paid for it.

Before you allowed him to leave, you knew you had to ask him one question; “What’s your name?”

“Al Haitham” Your eyes widened at that. Not only does he look and act like him, but they also have the same name too? This is not a coincidence anymore, is it?

“Why?” He asked, raising one of his eyebrows.

“Um… nothing, it's just that you remind me of a game character.” You scratched the side of your face, looking down, feeling embarrassed and you don’t know why.

“Who?” He asked again, this time, he was more curious than the last question.

“Um.. here, let me show you.” You opened your phone and showed him a picture of Alhaitham, the game character.

He showed a look of surprise, but quickly changed back to his usual stoic face.

“Huh… is his name also Al Haitham?” He asked, leaning in the counter, seemingly interested as to why he was there.

You said a simple “yeah”, and Al Haitham simply shaked his head and replied, “the creator of the game must’ve known me” which you took it as; “the creator of the game must’ve found me hot enough to put me in game” which you could just strongly agree.

And with that, by whatever miracle is out there, the both of you surprisingly got along. And you also got to know that his first name is Al, and his last name is Haitham.

You guys usually hang out at a cafe or at a park, with you and him usually playing Genshin Impact.

After knowing that he was a character in game, his curiosity peeked in and tried it out.

And when he did try to pull for Alhaitham, it didn’t even take 69 tries for him to get him, unlike you.

And you found that very unfair. Because — Al is new to the game but gets Alhaitham for like only 3-5 tries. While you, this might be the 100th try or more, but you still can’t get him.

You sighed in defeat as you were still unlucky. Al only chuckled and continue playing the game. He didn’t try to comfort you, but his chuckle did, which made your heart race because of it.

Oh dear, not only were you a simp for Alhaitham, but you were also falling for Al.

I mean, it’s what they say, right? If you can’t get the fictional character, then go for the cosplayer — which in your case, Al’s just like the real human version of Alhaitham.

But no, you didn’t try that out. You were happy with the way things were right now, happy with you and Al being close friends. Sure, you wanted to be more than that, but being Al’s friend was more than enough than to be a stranger to him.

Little by little, you fell in love with him. And it was hard to make it not-so-obvious, as every single moment you guys spend together, you find out more new things about him. And that just makes you fall for him more and more.

Until one evening, Al told you there would be a meteor shower, and his house had the best view. So you went to his house and waited.

Just like what happened when the meteor shower has arrived, the lights went out, and a series of meteor came rushing in and pass through the both of you.

It was a magnificent sight, and the both of you came rushing out of his balcony, dazed by the beauty the meteor shower held.

You remembered that wishing in a meteor shower will make your wishes come true. And so you did again, wished for a miracle.

~~~~~

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

You groaned, seemingly awakened by your noisy alarm clock, and suddenly stood up.

Suddenly standing up made your head ache and dizzy though, slowly walking down to the bathroom to wash your face.

You looked at the calendar; May 02, 2019. Ugh, Tuesday. You were hoping for a weekend, but I guess that miracle ain’t gonna happen.

Getting ready for work, you took a bath, brushed your teeth, changed into your work clothes, then finally, packing your bags and wearing your shoes.

You didn’t bother for breakfast, it was your co-worker’s birthday today anyway. Surely, they’d prepare and treat the whole library to food, right?

As you walked out the door, and walked down the street, you suddenly bumped into a stranger, with a grunt coming out from the both of you.

Miracles do happen, but the God sometimes just doesn’t allow that. But on that night, when the both of you wished, you both wished for a miracle to happen.

You wished to stay together, and for Al to like you back. You didn’t see it, but Al also wished. Knowing what would happen to him after that night, he wished for the greatest miracle. It was to stay forever by your side, to stay here forever.

“Ugh- sorry, I wasn’t looking-” As you turned around, you saw a handsome man with gray hair, and green eyes.

Without knowing, the both of you speaked together, as if in sync,

“What’s… your name?”

#📂 — ` akira’s works!#alhaitham #al haitham #genshin impact #genshin alhaitham #genshin impact alhaitham #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham x you #alhaitham x y/n #alhaitham fluff

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slightlyaggressiveaffirmations · 2 years ago

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So, Slightly Aggressive Affirmer, what's your whole deal?

Great question, Clive.

(Sorry, I thought you were some sort of chat show host called Clive. Let me readjust my worldview)

Great question, friends. Why did I write Aggressive Affirmations in a consistently reliable, ritual manner for 5 years and then stop doing it and constantly keep coming back and promising to start again and never making good on it?

Well. There are actually 3 answers to that question.

Answer #1

To begin with, let's reposition our worldview - just as we did with Clive. Now, let's change the way we see me, The Slightly Aggressive Affirmer. What if we put a new filter over me - we'll call it the "Autism Filter". I haven't got the money to go through the diagnosis process but it's looking pretty likely.

With that filter on, look again at my being absolutely focused on writing affirmations for 5 years and then stopping to suddenly focus obsessively on my research work for the next 2 or 3 - except for the two months I took off to sit on the porch every single day and write a medieval romance novel.

Now I want to get back into affirming again and I try to - I still feel it's important and I keep saying to myself I'll do it - but I just don't have that obsessive drive to do it anymore.

I think if we look at this with the autism filter, it starts to paint a pretty clear picture of what might be going on here...

Answer #2

It became more and more difficult, and more high stakes to write affirmations, as the number of followers kept growing. There are now 15000 - although who knows how many of you are still on Tumblr? But that's a lot of responsibility and it became very stressful to keep making sure SAAs are for everyone and that no one feels excluded by them (excepting people who should always be excluded, like Nazis). When it was just a few random people reading affirmations, it was much easier to chuck in a few and whatever. But the more the blog grew, the greater the stress.

Answer #3

I started writing Slightly Aggressive Affirmations for myself. I was the only one following the blog and it was set to send ME reminders of my own value - in the kind of aggressive language necessary to get through to me - because I was extremely low on confidence and needed real force to get it in to my head. But then things snowballed.

Thing is - I don't need them any more. It's harder to think of the kinds of things I should write, because I know longer need them myself. I have Slightly Aggressively Affirmed myself to a really great place, in terms of my self confidence and self love. I still have bipolar, and right now my life isn't going so great, so I get depressed but I do not believe fundamentally, at my core, that I am bullshit trash.

My primary emotion nowadays is possibly worse! I'm driven by anger a lot of the time - I've got a lot of deep rage, caused by long ago trauma. (I'm in therapy, don't worry). But I think most people would agree that I'm a fundamentally different person to who I was pre-pandemic. I'll tell you more about it some time. But I am drastically different - and definitely more than SLIGHTLY aggressive most of the time.

In conclusion, I believe affirming used to be an autistic special interest of mine and now it is not - but I'd love to make it one again! Especially now my two-year long, 65 000 word research project is finished. But it's much harder to get back to where I was, because the number of followers I have now is different, Tumblr is different and I am hugely different as a person.

Thankyou for reading this short essay/memoir. I'll see what I can do about a little affirming tomorrow.

Always remember that YOU MATTER!!! YOU ARE IMPORTANT!!! YOU ARE THE ONLY FUCKING YOU IN THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD!!! THINK ABOUT HOW FUCKING MAGICAL THAT IS!!!

#admin note

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smarksthespot1717 · 8 months ago

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For the first time in his life, Ed could really and truly relax. Stede made their home feel safe, and Ed enjoyed building it with him. In the past, Ed had never allowed himself to be surrounded by comforts, save for his brief time with Stede on the Revenge before the abandonment and the darkest time in Ed's life. But now their home was filled with nothing but comforts. Plush rugs you could sink your toes into, squishy throw pillows, soft sheets, soft clothing, and silly romance novels Ed enjoyed reading in his free time.

Their home was also filled with food. With the bit of treasure they'd taken from the ship, going to the market to buy food was no big deal. Ed was also improving at fishing, and brought home dinner himself many nights. Stede would go to the bakery almost every day, and return with freshly baked treats for them both. And at night, Ed slept like a baby, under a soft heavy blanket and with Stede spooning him.

There was a change that happened slowly. Slowly enough that Ed didn't notice it until it suddenly hit him all at once. He was getting pudgy. One morning he was getting dressed, and his favorite plum-colored pants bit into his tummy something awful when he got them buttoned up. He went to look at himself in profile in the mirror, and his eyes bulged at the sight. A chubby belly was muffining over the waistband, like dough trying to escape from a too-small bowl.

For the first time in months, Ed panicked.

He knew he was over-reacting, which just made it worse. He crawled into the bed, pulled the blankets up over his head, and got into the fetal position. He didn't undo the pants at all, and felt how mercilessly they pressed into his soft belly, a constant, tight reminder of what he did to himself.

Fat greedy pig. He didn't deserve 3 meals a day. He didn't know why Stede thought he did. 3 meals a day were for rich people, good people, and all the types of people he was not. He should consider himself lucky to get hardtack and dried meat once a day.

He had stopped having nightmares about his time in Hornigold's ship years and years ago. He laughed it off now, those old days back when he and Jack were paying their dues. But maybe his recent purgatorial encounter with him unlocked some old memories. Ben in his head tried to feed him soup. Hornigold from his past screamed at anyone who vocalized hunger pains, and reminded them all that they were unworthy rats who were lucky they didn't get crumbs from the floor. And if he was only verbally abusive that day, that was a good day. Often times he'd get the cat-o-nine tails and make a show. He was completely sadistic. Ed managed to avoid the worst of it. He was still alive, after all. He was already used to being hungry. His father drank away money that should've gone to feeding him. And he was quick and smart and light on his feet. He kept his head down. And he was just an unworthy dog.

An unworthy dog who was now eating like a king, with snacks between meals, multiple pastries a day, and growing fat off it. He suddenly felt nauseous, and curled up around himself tighter.

"Darling?" Stede called, entering their bedroom. "Edward, are you still asleep? There's a chili festival in town today, remember?"

He walked over to the lump on the bed, and noticed it was shivering. He slowly pulled down the blanket and found Ed tear-stained and red in the face.

"Edward!" Stede cried out, horrified. "Are you alright? Did you have a nightmare? What can I do?"

"I'm sorry," Ed sniffled. "I'm fat."

"You're not fat."

"I'm getting fat. I have to stop this, I have to lose it--"

"Why?" Stede asked gently.

Ed opened his mouth, and then closed it again, realizing any words about to come out of his mouth were straight from Hornigold, and he didn't want to repeat the awful things that man said.

"Don't deserve it," he whispered eventually.

"Can I touch you, dear?" Stede asked softly.

Ed nodded, and Stede put his hand on Ed's shoulder and rubbed it gently. "Of course you deserve it, love. You've lead such a tough life. You deserve lots of good food and to put on a bit of happy weight more than me, that's for sure."

Ed's eyes flicked to Stede's belly, which was, in fairness, basically right next to his face. It rested ever so slightly in his lap. Stede was so warm and soft, so him gaining a bit of retirement weight made sense. Stede had been slightly pudgier when they met than he was when they reunited, so it felt right to see him fill out again. He liked it on Stede. But for himself?

"I'm being greedy," Ed said. "And I don't deserve it. I'm just being a fucking pig--"

"Ed, please," Stede pleaded gently. "What brought this all on?"

"You're gonna think I'm stupid... but I just noticed..."

"I don't think you're stupid. I only really noticed it recently too. My pants are starting to fight with me," Stede said, laughing it off. "It happened slowly. We see each other and ourselves every day. It makes sense that we both missed it until it suddenly clicked."

Ed nodded. "And... I was thinking about... Hornigold... the old days. He never fed us enough. Izzy used to scoff at any sort of sweet purchase. He said it was impulsive and wasteful and that money could be better spent on actual food. And he was right--"

"Look, keeping the crew fed with proper food is important, but dessert is important to. It keeps the crew happy. It makes you happy. And you're not the kind of person to spend all your money on cake and leave nothing for meat and bread and such. I'm sure whatever you wanted was more than reasonable, and Izzy was just being... Izzy-like," Stede said.

Ed didn't respond to that. He let out a small sigh as he felt his body come down from its sudden panic.

"Do you think I'm ugly?"

"What? No! I could never think you're ugly, Ed. Do... do you think I'm ugly now that I've... put on a few?" Stede said, his bravado and confidence turning to anxiety and shame shockingly quickly.

"No," Ed replied, reaching out and putting a hand on Stede's thigh. "I like it. You look soft and happy. Like you're s'posed to be. It's nice to cuddle and squish and... I just like it on you."

"Well, I like it on you. You look safe, and happy, and relaxed. I noticed that whenever you eat a pastry, you do this cute little wiggle in your hips, and you look so happy. I like how it's visible proof that you're safe. That you can be soft, and you never have to worry about being hard again. And... it's very pretty, dear. It suits you very well."

Ed sat up and leaned his head on Stede's shoulder.

"Thank you."

"You're precious, and you deserve to eat whatever you want. And I'm your boyfriend who deserves to spoil you rotten. And if you get a little pudgy, that's ok, great even, if it means you're happy."

"Even if... I keep getting chubbier?"

"You can get as chubby as you want, Ed. I will love you just the same."

Ed put his arms around Stede, and Stede hugged him back.

Stede would never lie to him. Ed knew this from experience, and Stede had even said so explicitly multiple times. Which meant it really was alright that he was growing soft, and might keep growing softer, and that he wasn't a greedy pig for eating 3 square meals plus snacks and dessert, and that he wasn't an unworthy rat who deserved to starve.

Stede and Ed had exchanged a lot of stories of their childhoods and youths by this point, a lot of which were usually responded to with: "That's absolutely awful, you didn't deserve any of that." Ed was absolutely sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Stede didn't deserve the torture he was put through as a child by the hands of his fellow students. He didn't deserve a cold, unloving father, who called him a soft and weak spoiled brat. He didn't deserve any of that.

So Ed didn't deserve to have a father who drank and screamed and threw things and hit. He didn't deserve to spend years toiling away for Hornigold, with Jack as his only point of comfort. He didn't deserve the way Izzy treated him, as if his interests were stupid and he wasn't tough enough to keep being Blackbeard.

Ed deserves this. Ed deserves happiness.

"Let's get up," Ed said softly. "We need to eat breakfast. And maybe hit the tailor's before going to the chili festival," he said with a chuckle.

Stede chuckled with him. "Sounds like a perfect day."

#a very soft tummy fic featuring emotional angst and stede comforting ed

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