#I still think of that one moment where Tommy tried to feed his brother to Monkeys 😔

[strebcr]

@youbringtrouble said: "That's just creepypastas; babe."

"Yeah that's fair enough. You gotta admit, there were so many rugrats episodes that were the stuff of nightmares! It really didn't need much help being creepy. "

[saintshelby]

Brother I only just discovered that you also WRITE. You are very talented and I'd like to ask if you'd please be considering to do some more

Thanks so much for the kind words! I actually did have plans for the next chapter of Afterlife but I sort of lost the plot and haven't been able to pick it back up.

Just for you, here's a piece of a prequel chapter I never posted. Hope you enjoy it. 💛

It haunted him in the late hours of the night, when he closed his eyes for a moment's rest. If he was idle for just a fraction of a moment too long, it all came flooding back. It tormented him, the image of Alfie's body laying lifeless on that fucking beach. The blood soaking into his hair, staining the beautiful white sands. And the pain of being shot in turn did nothing to stifle the despair Tommy had taken with him long after he'd returned to his manor full of ghosts. Because, at that moment, he genuinely thought he could walk away from all of it.

But he couldn't. And he still fucking can't.

Tommy returns to the scene of his crime at regular intervals under the express and explicit understanding that they would be continuing their previous business arrangement. It would have been a waste to let things come to an end, after all. It was Tommy's suggestion. Alfie agreed. Bygones being bygones, he had said. Considering their past, Alfie’s particular standing, Tommy's wild ambition, for all intents and purposes and absolutely nothing more. But it was, of course, a complete fucking lie. That's the lie he tells himself. The lie Alfie goes along with. The lie Tommy wants desperately to be true.

And though he tried to stop, tried to give up the pretense, it was that same powerful longing that he hadn't the strength to deny which drove Tommy to make a desperate pilgrimage back to that place over, and over, and over again. And each and every time Tommy darkened his doorstep, Alfie greeted him with the same kind of warmth he always had. Though his face was badly scarred and he was now half blind, it was always the same fucking expression. One of delight, unabashed, loudly affectionate. And Tommy could never understand why.

Predictably, they hardly talked business during Tommy's visits. There wasn't much to talk about anymore. Tommy would settle himself in that same armchair and Alfie would sit across from him, hum and haw about rum barrels and warehouses as he always had. As if nothing had ever happened, nothing had changed. Humoring him. It was all just one long fucking con. A tired play at normalcy. A selfish attempt to ease his battered conscience. But it never fucking worked. The only thing Tommy had ever managed to accomplish was feed his growing demons. He would leave the same way he'd come. Full of darkness and unease. A growing guilt that was becoming much too difficult to contain. A renewed fear that he couldn't continue this. But he couldn't stop coming. And he found, if he thought about it for more than a passing moment, that he didn't want to stop.

Tommy finds himself in the car again one Saturday afternoon. By now he's traveled to Margate with such frequency he's sure he could make the drive with his eyes closed. And as he goes, he quietly ruminates on the imminent end that's surely coming. Because it has to be. Even now, Tommy can't help but wonder why Alfie enables this lie. What the purpose of all of this must be. For what reason would Alfie keep opening his home to the man who left him for dead on the very beach he now lives?

He thinks of this as he drives, as he always does, knuckles white on the steering wheel. He tries to rationalize that same question, over and over again, endlessly searching for an answer that simply isn't there. Tommy knows deep in his bones that he doesn't deserve this. Doesn't have any right at all to be in this car again, to be going where he's going. And yet he can't turn back. A purgatory of his own making. And he hates himself for it. For this. For everything. Why is he so fucking selfish?

By the time Tommy pulls up to Alfie's house it's dark. His fingers ache from their grip on the wheel. He sits there for several long minutes, staring out through the windshield. It's late, but the lights are on. The lights always seem to be on when Tommy arrives. Finally he gets out of the car and as he does he realizes abruptly that he's left his gun behind. He'll long for it later, after he's left, on the lonely drive home. He always does.

This time, Alfie's already standing in the doorway when Tommy finally finds the courage to climb the walkway. "Evening, Thomas," he calls out, voice boisterous and inviting. He's wearing a wrinkled shirt rolled up to his elbows and his suspenders are hanging off his trousers. It's a relief to see Alfie looking so warm and lively. Tommy regrets the feeling almost immediately, because he knows it's not a comfort he's deserving of. Alfie's expression is unchanged, open and honest as it always is. Tonight Tommy finds he can't bear to look at it.

"Hello, Alfie," he says quietly, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice as he quickly sidles past. There's a fire burning in the hearth when he enters the sitting room. Tommy gravitates toward it, craving the warmth. He hears Alfie pull the door shut and putter around behind him, talking about something or other that he can't rightly focus on before disappearing into the kitchen. The atmosphere feels relaxed in a way that he wasn't prepared for. He feels shame for finding comfort in it. It's getting harder and harder to live this lie.

Tommy's stomach twists. He’s just turning towards the armchair when he sees it. The glass of whisky, freshly poured, sitting on the table next to the spot he usually occupies. He stares at it. Startled. There had never been any alcohol present on any of his previous visits. Alfie doesn't drink. He can't even begin to understand the implications of it. Can't understand why Alfie would possibly want to put forth any effort to make him feel welcome here. The weight in the pit of his stomach grows heavier when Alfie returns with a tray of what is most assuredly bread freshly baked by his own hand accompanied by butter and jam.

"You're looking quite bird-boned these days, Tom. You can pick at that whilst we conduct our business." Alfie sets down the tray and gestures for Tommy to sit, but he can't move. Rooted to the spot by this apparent tenderness he can't fathom. His hands are shaking. He shouldn't be here. Shouldn't be doing this. The guilt is a weight bowing his spine and he's going to drop it if he doesn't—

"Why?" Tommy hears himself say. Almost unsure it was his voice at all. He doesn't sound like himself. He sounds small and weak, like a child.

"Why?" Alfie parrots, looking at Tommy with a gaze far too heavy to hold. He laughs, but it doesn't sound right. It's hollow, humorless. "Why are we sat here in the middle of the night week after week drumming up whatever piss poor excuse for business we can manage, you mean? Honestly, Thomas, I was quite hoping you'd tell me that."

But he can't possibly. Doesn't have enough air in his lungs, enough strength to vocalize what he's supposed to say. What he needs to say. He's not ready for that, never will be, so he reaches for that blessed glass of whisky as his throat is closing up, can't even bear to fucking look at Alfie as he drinks just to fill his mouth with something other than words. He can't do this. Can't keep fucking doing this. Tommy grips the back of the chair so hard his knuckles turn white as the realization makes his blood cold.

It's already happened. His time has finally run out.

[padfootdaredmetoo]

Hey!! could you do one where it is where Grace dies but you take the bullet because y/n and Tommy love each other but, he is married, however you get shot, but you live? You are also like childhood bffs and always have loved each other?? Please please please!!!

Heyo, Looks like you have deactivated but I wrote this anyway. Hope it finds you if your still on here. Tried to make this angsty!

PG13 - Usual Peaky type stuff - reader gets her heart broken. Big kiss finale but no smut

You stood there on the train platform amongst the rest of the Small Heath population that would be praying and grieving. Watched as the Shelby boys and your brothers piled onto the train to meet whatever plan God had made for them. Tommy, your best friend stood there a moment longer than the rest. His eyes wide and a smile on his face. He looked caught in a tough decision as he looked at you. Eventually he made up his mind giving you one last squeeze and peck on the cheek. Your eyes watered, but you both promised to write. 

You should have kissed him. The thought ate you alive the entire time he was gone. Out of all the things to worry about, and there was a lot, it was that thought that had you tossing and turning in your sleep. 

You worried about your family, your mother was with Polly back in Small Heath. You and Ada were here with your Aunt helping with the farm, as your cousins had followed your brothers into the war. 

It was busy work, but it was quiet. The radio was only allowed after meals for a short time. Other than that you were engulfed in silence and conversation with Ada. That silence brought you as much rest as it did unease. One rainy afternoon you finally followed the loose string in your mind and realized it was proudly attached to your heart. Tommy was your best friend but your body betrayed your mind so easily thinking of the way he held you an extra second longer on that platform. The way he signed his letters: With love, Tommy. When he hesitated…. you should have kissed him. The thought of his lips on yours, the way he always made you laugh and the general affection he had towards you chased you everyware. Through the fields, feeding and cleaning the animals, everyware you went he went with you. You hoped you managed the same for him. 

It was a dark time, but sometimes you look back on that time in your laugh and miss the more innocent parts. The war ended and thankfully everyone you had sent away was coming home to you. 

However it was your turn to leave. You would miss them by a day, on a train to London for a schooling program. Your Aunt set it up for you and you would be away a whole summer. Tommy was disappointed but you had a feeling he might surprise you by going to London once everything back home was settled…. You were worried about him, his letters changed as the war dragged on. Years of missing him, and you couldn't even imagine the evils he was facing. 

The summer felt like it dragged on forever, Tommy still wrote to you frequently. 

Finally the time for the reunion was here. You sat anxiously looking out the window at the late august sun shining brightly over the countryside, then eventually the city. It was near impossible to sit still knowing he’d be there waiting for you…. 

The Small Heath you had left behind was a very different place than it used to be. Tommy was too busy to meet you at the platform and you wished that’s where the disappointment ended. But it was the first blow of many. 

He was married. Took over the family business from Polly. And had stolen a massive amount of guns and had it hidden in a grave that was meant for a man that he pretended to kill in front of the Italians. 

You thought you all got along fine with the Italians? You shook the thought from your mind and looked at him staring at you with his blue eyes. The only part of him that was the same, except for the lifeless undertone. You looked at him unable to process everything. You thought back to how you thought this would all work out, then back to him, a completely different person, with a completely new life. That clearly didn't have a spot for you. 

His wife came over from the bar that he had bought. Slid into the seat next to him. She was prettier than you, blonde, nicer frame, nicer eyes, nicer accent, older than you, probably more experienced. She flipped her blond hair and smiled at you - definitely more experienced. 

How stupid could you be waiting on him. 

Your head started to spin, better to get out of this as quickly as possible. 

“Well, glad we could finally catch up. I’d love to stay and chat but I have to head back to the house to see everyone.” 

“I’ll walk you home.” He responded sharply. You could see something had bothered him about this mess. You knew him well enough, but couldn't bring yourself to care. 

“It was lovely meeting you Grace, hopefully next time we can spend more time together!” You said cheerfully swallowing the venom in your mouth. 

“Yes, I’d love that. Tommy talks about you so much” She smiled at you. A million things came through your mind that you wanted to say. But you simply slipped out of the bar without another word. 

You made it home. Your mother thankfully sent you to wash up before coming to sit down with the family. 

It gave you enough time to splash water on your face and cry silently under the sound of the sink running. How stupid could you be? All those years…pining, obsessing, lusting, dreaming - all of it time wasted. Regret swallowed you entirely. Your mother knocked on the door and said something in Romani that had you opening the door. 

She pulled you into a crushing hug. 

“What happened?” You could tell that she already knew what the problem was. Was it so obvious to everyone but him? Or did he know too and just not give a shot about your feelings. 

“He doesn't love me” You whispered, saying it outloud only made it worse. 

“Eh, it's better that way. You don't see it now but you will.” She ran her hands through your hair. 

“There is a lot to discuss, but we will put on our best face for dinner, eh? Deal with this after.” She patted your back firmly and you tried to push everything down. She’d been cooking and cleaning for three days for your big arrival. All of her kids back home where they should be. You’d hold it together out of respect for her and nothing else. 

You survived the night, the pain soothed by the excitement of seeing your brothers. They were in better shape, or they were better at hiding it than Tommy was. The night dragged on and Polly, Ada, John, and Arthur came round with pales of beer and a bottle of whiskey to celebrate. They were much happier to see you then expected. It was enough to get you to sleep with an empty head. 

The weeks dragged on and you went to work, bringing in good money for the house, not that it was needed as the business was expanding. But you were almost certain you’d be leaving to go back and live with your Aunt. The farm was all you thought about now. All the open spaces to hide in, how the air seemed to wrap around your worries and keep them off of your shoulders. The city was the complete opposite. 

Tommy had some kind of party happening at his new house. You dreaded the thought of going but everyone was going and you had expectations to live up to. You knew that it was important to go and not show weakness, but you also were trying your absolute best to avoid Tommy and Grace.

A dress and 45 minutes of your mother trying to make you look presentable, she had you out the door and into the family car. 

“We’ll make sure he keeps himself in line” Your eldest brother said while lighting a cigarette. “S’not hard considering his whole family is as pissed about it” 

“Do us all a solid and get under her skin a bit, eh?” Your other brother chimed in with a crooked smile giving you a firm slap on the back. 

“She’ll do no such thing. Leave your sister alone.” your mother scolded but you could hear in her voice that she was only pretending. 

The night was classy. People were impressed with you, good job, smart, pretty. People were dragging their son’s over to be introduced. You swore anytime someone put their hand on your low back or upper arm you could feel his eyes on you. 

This progressed like this for a while Grace seemed to get more and more irritated as people wanted to talk with you. Tommy was eventually dragged into a conversation with you. He refused to make eye contact, but he passed off as friendly. You caught a glimpse of Grace’s blonde hair approaching out of the corner of your eye. You looked around to see if there was a way to escape the conversation without being rude. In your scan of the room you noticed a man with a gun, moving with a steady pace towards Thomas.  

You assumed he must work for Tommy, but something in the pit off your stomach told you differently. Intuitively, when he raised his hand you moved to step in front of him, shielding Grace in the process. 

An enormous noise echoed through the room, leaving a deep burning sensation in your shoulder. Looking down you saw redness everywhere, Tommy looked like he was screaming but you couldn't hear what he was saying. Next thing you knew you were looking up the ceiling, John's blurry figure on top of you, looking horrified, but no matter how hard you tried to comfort him you just couldn't manage. 

“KEEP HER ALIVE” Tommy’s voice finally broke through the haze. You heard him screaming at John to keep you alive. Then everything faded out. 

______________________________________________________

You were in and out for a long while. You knew you were at Arrow House, you knew that you saved Tommy’s life but failed to save Grace. 

You hated her, and somehow you hated her even more for dying. She had one fucking job, now you felt as if you were drowning in an ocean of guilt. You hated her, but it wasn't her fault that Tommy chose her. You didn't think she deserved to die for it. 

More problems. All this boy seemed to bring to your life. And yet he sat in your room late at night when everyone had gone to bed. Your eyes would flutter open to see him asleep in the chair by the fireplace. 

Eventually you were allowed to move about the house. But it wasn’t safe for you to leave yet. Things were not easy on Tommy, and you hated how easily you fell back into the role of supporting both families. 

With things being so busy, Polly had you helping with bookkeeping. Bringing over paperwork when she came by to visit. Her and your mum made you promise that you wouldn't tell Tommy, and once things settled down they would take over the responsibility and it would be like you were never involved…. Seemed strange but you were so bored you agreed to do it. 

_____

You woke up to Tommy yelling. It wasn't that unusual these days. Nightmares followed him in his shadows, and almost every word out of his mouth was hurtful. You heard him yelling about needing the accounting papers, your sleepy eyes focused on them sitting on your night table. 

Without thinking you scooped them up and padded downstairs hoping to shut him up so you could go back to bed. 

You entered the room to and walked over to his desk placing the papers down. His eyes caught yours and you heard Polly’s voice in your head making you promise not to tell him. He threw the phone across the room causing you to flinch. 

“WHY DO YOU HAVE THEM?” You’d never really been afraid of him until this moment. Yeah, you’d seen him do unspeakable sins, but you’d never even been close to the receiving end of such rage. 

“I was - uh - I was -” Your breathing was uneven. You’d been wanting to rip his head off for the past three months and yet now that you had your chance you just wanted to cry. 

He let out a sign pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Look, who gave you the papers?” His voice was low, a strange mix of murderous and defeted. 

“I wouldn’t ever tell or rat -” 

“I know!” He snapped, causing you to jump. “I know you’d never turn your back on the family.” He said in a more collected manner. “I just need to know who gave you the papers?” 

You paused for a moment. Why shouldn't you have the papers? You were smart enough to handle the books before the war. Why not know? 

“Who do you think? Look, if you're so confident I wouldn’t betray the family, and we both know I’m smart enough to do the bookkeeping - Then why is this such a big - Why did you choose her?” It’s not what you wanted to say, but the words rushed out anyway. You could tell he didn't want to talk about this. Heck, her body was placed in the  ground a fortnight ago. Bringing it up like this was not what a good friend would do, but he stopped being your friend a long time ago. 

“We're not having this conversation.” His voice was so cold it made you shiver. But his reaction only told you that there was more to the story. 

“Yes we are!” You demanded. “Don’t you think after everything I deserve it? After everything you don't even want to try to fix this friendship?” tears were welling up in your eyes so you closed them for a moment taking a deep breath. 

When you opened them he was staring at you in a way you didn't all together understand. 

“She came from the same world I keep getting sucked into. What happened to her was something that was always a possibility for her in that lifestyle. She needed a husband and I wanted her connections. Seemed like a good fit.  I -” His eyes had a glimmer that told you that it was a good fit for a few more reasons that he wouldn't tell you. This only made you angier. He told you bits and pieces of what happened between the two of them and you sat there trying not to punch him. 

“And what, I’m not smart enough? I’m not tough enough to handle the almighty Thomas Shelby? Despite being his best friend since before primary school. Despite working hard the whole war with thoughts of you living rent free in my head. Months heartbroken over a fucking ridiculous marriage. I have plenty of connections - I - ” Chest heaving you begged yourself to stop but couldn't help yourself. “ All this over some fucking spy, I can't believe I thought she was better than me for even a moment.” You stared him down for once, feeling a strange primal sense of satisfaction over your words. They hurt him deeply, for once you were the one dishing it out. An entire childhood following this boy into every type of trouble, now it was your turn. 

“I don’t want you to go where I’m headed.” He said evenly, his eyes colder than snow.

“Why?” You demanded. 

“Your mother and aunt worked hard to keep you safe. Put you through school to get away from all this mess. That’s all this is. Mess. Expensive, dangerous mess. I won’t have it sink it’s claws into you.” He looked desperate. Suddenly you wished he was out of breath for other reasons. “Not you. I’m trying to do at least one thing right.” 

You thought about his words. Considering the way he wrote to you the entire time you were apart, this would make sense. He came home and got mixed up in a different world. He certainly wasn't the same man. 

He thought he could break your heart so you’d leave Small Heath. So you’d have a chance at a normal life, a safe life. 

You had options…. Make him say it, all of it outloud so you could be sure. You could leave, take the out he worked hard to give you. Seeing him leaning across his desk towards you. Flustered and beyond angry…. You could also just.. Lean forward and kiss him… 

You leaned across his desk as quickly as you could and pressed your lips against his. He reflexively grabbed your neck. His hand loosened once it registered what was happening.

It was more than you imagined, your whole body was consumed with the way his lips moved on yours. You struggled to force air into your lungs, and eventually he broke the kiss. 

“You’ve never been a good man. No point in starting now.” You rasped, face flushed, eyes wide in the warm lamp light. He thought about your words for a moment, his face almost breaking into a smile. Suddenly you wanted, more than anything, for him to forget Grace, forget the war, forget his mum, all of it. Every last bit. You would do anything to take it from him. Anything to get that smile back. 

He gave you a nod then pressed another kiss to your lips. You cupped his face, standing up to move closer to him. You moved your knee onto the edge of his desk and his hands gripped you tightly, guiding you up onto the desktop. You should feel embarrassed kneeling on his desk in nothing but your nightgown, but he held you against him in a way that made it feel like the most comfortable place on earth. Your body was burning from the contact, yet you couldn't be physically close enough to him. His hands ran all over you, careful to be gentle with your healing shoulder.

He had a lot of work to do before you’d let him in or trust him properly, but you finally believed that he would rise to the challenge. 

And finally you got to kiss him.

Tags: @kpopgirlbtssvt

[theshelbyclan]

Love Language

Summary: Tommy doesn’t say ‘I love you’.

(Gif by @nofckingfighting​)

A/N: Sweet anon asked: Hello i love you're writing! Can i request a tommy one shot imagine where the reader (his girlfriend or wife) finds out in his office, one of the locked drawers has everytning shes ever given to him? Maybe like love letters or random flowers everything he keep 😍🤍 thank you so mych. This request was so amazing to me, because you it made me feel like you understand this character so well? Either way, it made me think, and this is the result. It’s kinda different but I hope you like it! Words: 1448

***

“Tommy?” “Hmm,” the preoccupied reply came. You sounded defeated, against your best efforts, “I love you.”  “I know.” 

***

There’s blood on his shirt. It’s the first thing you noticed when he walked in. Not the mud, not his eyes, not his energy, just the blood on his shirt.

“Who’s is it,” you asked as casually as you could. Tommy lit a cigarette in reply. “Are you okay?” “Yes,” he drew out the ‘s’ like he usually did when annoyed or tired. “Who was it?” you continued. “Y/N,” he held up a hand, “not tonight, eh? Not with the hundred fucking questions tonight, alright?” You remained silent for as long as you could bear, “Just need to know you’re safe.” “You knew who you married,” a low voice replied. “I did.” Tommy stood up again slowly started to walk away.

“Do not,” you hissed, “walk away from me.” “Y/N, what the fuck do you want from me, eh?” he raised his voice, “This is me. This is who I am. And I’m doing it all to give you everything you want. To keep you safe. Alright?” You leaned forward and tried to lock eyes with him, “What I want, Thomas Shelby, is you. In one piece, preferably.” “I know,” he lowered his voice again, “And I understand.” He waved a hand like he was about to say more, but didn’t. “It’s because I love you,” you emphasized. He nodded slowly, “And that’s why I’m doing all of this.”

***

You were sitting at your desk writing. Some people seemed to think that being married to Tommy Shelby was a fulltime job and it could be if you’d let it, but not for you. Even before Tommy you’d been a writer, a journalist and an author of short stories. Neatly you typed them out and send them to the publishers in question. It was the one thing in life that always offered you solace.

“You spelled ‘enthusiastic’ wrong,” you husband commented helpfully after having popped up suddenly behind you. You ripped the page irritably, “Says the man who never even went to school.” “Life taught me how to spell, Y/N,” he sort of joked. “Life taught youhow to spell ‘enthusiastic’? Can’t remember the last time you were ever enthusiastic about anything…” He raised one eyebrow slowly, “How about ‘sarcasm’, can you spell that? Or ‘devil’, how about that, eh?” You pouted theatrically, “Sometimes I’m not even sure you take me and my work seriously…” “Oh, I take it seriously,” Tommy took a drag from his cigarette, “I know it’s enough to keep my wife away from me.” You smiled back at him when he did, but still a pang of hurt went through you: you’d give up everything just to have him say ‘I’m so proud of you sweetheart’. Just once.

***

“Come on,” he whispered. You looked up. “Come on,” he repeated, cigarette hanging from his lips, “let’s go upstairs.” “Why?” you asked, as you already started to follow him. Once inside the bedroom, he started undressing you with surprising tenderness. “Tommy,” you breathed, “look at me. What is it you want?” As a reply without words he gazed at your body, like he was drinking in very detail and getting drunk at the mere sight of it. “You and me, Tommy,” you said in between kisses, “remember it’s you and me. Fuck the rest of them. Fuck your family. Fuck the whole world. I love you and you love me. It’s you and me and nothing can ever come between us, right?” As he took off his own shirt, he gently pushed you down onto the bed.

“You and me, right Tommy?” you repeated, a little breathless as his head disappeared between your legs. “No,” he finally spoke, “you.”

*** Thomas Shelby had a long day of dealing with renegade family and dangerous enemies, so when he got back home, all he wanted was his wife and some peace and quiet.

“I cooked,” you said as you lingered against the doorpost. Tommy looked tired, worn-out, dead almost, with his head in his hands, “even told the cook to take the evening off,” you commented while your voice sounded flat. It was funny, because your emotions were all over the place, but your exterior just didn’t show any of it.

He slowly lifted his head, “You did, eh?” “Thought you might like it…” you fidgeted in spite of yourself. “I pay that cook for her to actually fucking cook,” he grumbled. “Fine,” you snapped, “I’ll feed it to the dog,” and you started to walk away. “Wait…” “What?” You didn’t even really turn around. Tommy sighed again and for a moment it was like he noticed the disappointment in your eyes, “What did you cook?” “Mint leaves. Your favourite.” And then a minor miracle took place and Tommy Shelby actually smiled a little.

***

“You were late today. I waited.” “I’m sorry.” “Are you?” “I am.” “Do you love me?” “Yes.” “Tell me.” “I do. Every day.” “Not with words…” “No, not with words.” “Tommy, tell me again.” ***

You were still half-asleep in Tommy’s arms. His eyes were closed and his breath was steady. Outside, the sun wasn’t up yet, but it wouldn’t take long now.

Next to you, there was a gun on the table. Tommy had just taught you how to shoot. He’d shown you over and over again, even though you’d protested. But he said you might need it one day. On the other side there were his cigarettes and whiskey. His medicine. His comfort. His eyes were closed and his breath was steady. But for how long? How long would it be until he’d die by his own gun, or get killed in some fight? Or met some other girl, prettier and smarter than you? As if he could read your insecurities, he shifted in his sleep and hugged you even closer to him. Thomas Shelby might not be perfect or a gentleman or eloquent when it came to expressing his love, but he did hold you at night.

***

“Tommy?” you shouted out through the house, “THOMAS!” “Fucking hell, woman,” his head appeared around the corner, “What is it?” Slightly embarrassed by your own volume, you said, “I can’t find the scissors.” “They’re in my desk somewhere,” he put on his cap and added, “I need to see a man about a horse. I’ll be back in ten minutes.” You made your way to the desk that was always so tidy and neat. So you did as any sensible woman would do and turned over everything in search of a pair of scissors. Nothing. Angrily you threw down a pile of papers. And that’s when you noticed it. One drawer hadn’t been opened at all. When you tried it, you found it locked. But you were a girl from Small Heath and no locked drawer could stop you. In less than twenty seconds you had managed to force the lock en slid the secret hiding place open. Inside there were more papers, neatly stacked and tied together with pieces of string in different piles. Breathlessly you took them from the drawer and examined them one by one. “Still looking for those scissors, eh?” a low voice grumbled in your ear and you practically jumped from fear. “For fuck’s sake, Thomas,” you mumbled as you tried to hide the papers you’d just found. Tommy was eyeing them already, but didn’t say a word.

So you went back through them, “These are the letters I wrote to you, when you were in France. I thought you threw away everything. Your medals, everything…” He didn’t reply. Tears sprang into your eyes as you examined the second pile, “And these are all my short stories. Did you cut them from the papers? Did you really keep them all?” You quickly went through them and they were all there, from the very first one ever published, “And these, my articles…”

Tommy cleared his throat once and cast his eyes down when you looked at him. Lastly there was a small box. When you opened it, you found, “The rose I wore, when we were kids. The one my brother stole…” And now you couldn’t find the words, “I hardly… I didn’t even know you… back then. Why?” Tommy grabbed his case and started searching for a cigarette. “Tommy,” you insisted, “I had no idea. Why did you keep all of these?” “It’s obvious, isn’t it?” he smirked lightly. You stared at the content of the secret drawer and decided that nothing was ever obvious when it came to Thomas Shelby. “Well?” you questioned. “I love you.”

*** Masterlist

[helliontherapscallion]

Adrenaline Junkie

Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 7     Part 8     Part 9     Part 10     Part 11     Part 12     Part 13     Part 14     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Ages (oldest to youngest):

Philza- 32

Technoblade- 17 

Wilbur- 17

(Y/N)- 16

Tommy- 14

Pairing: platonic!sbi x winged!sibling!reader

Warnings: near death experiences, mentions of depression, OOC sbi (this is my first time writing about them)

Summary: Philza finds out about your little “habit”

Word count: 1,962

You grinned as you flew through the air with your feathers glinting in the low sunlight. You absolutely loved the feeling of freedom you got whenever you flew. It always gave you a sense of calm when you needed a break from your family. You loved them of course, but you needed a break once and a while; you often felt drained if you didn’t take some time to yourself. The cold air rushed past you as you continued to flap your wings to keep you in the air. 

You could not see the ground below you as you soared higher into the clouds, weaving in and out of them. Flying higher, you steadied yourself to look at the sunset. The mixture of pinks, oranges, and yellows blended together perfectly. You always loved the sunset, it was one of the only consistent things in your life. You wished that you could stay hovering hundreds of feet above the ground, but mobs were going to be spawning soon. The last time you stayed out past sunset you had almost gotten killed by a skeleton. Your dad had given you quite the lecture after he made sure that you were alright. You still had the scars on your arms from when it tried to shoot you out of the air.

You angled yourself so you were upside down, put your arms tight to your sides, and extended your wings fully behind you. You dove closer and closer to the earth, quickly picking up speed. The wind whipped around you as you gained velocity, getting closer and closer to the ground by the millisecond. At the last second, you fully extended your wings and drastically slowed your descent to the ground. The extra velocity you had made you soar up once again before you regained control and landed safely on the ground. The adrenaline that the skydive gave you was the most exhilarating feeling you’ve ever felt, and you were always craving it. Your dad didn’t find it as fun or exhilarating as you did.

“(Y/N) (M/N) MINECRAFT.”

Your father’s voice boomed from behind you. You could tell that he was in a lecturing mood without even having to look at him. He grabbed your arm and spun you around. Grabbing your other arm, he looked you up and down with worried blue eyes. After seeing that you were alright, his gaze hardened and he took a deep breath.

“Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?”

He rattled on and on about how you could’ve killed yourself, but quite frankly you didn’t care if you died or got hurt. In your opinion, the adrenaline you got was worth it. You had three lives you could spend, and if you did die, you wanted to go out with a bang all three times. What could you say? You were an adrenaline junkie through and through. 

He started to drag you inside the house mid lecture. Swinging open the door, he pulled you towards the kitchen, where the scent of fresh mushroom stew wafted from the pot on the stove. Your brothers looked at you each with their own different reactions. Techno looked as stoic as ever, Wilbur eyed you with slight disapproval, and Tommy looked at you with awe and excitement. They must’ve seen your little trick through the window. 

“(Y/N) THAT WAS POGGERS! YOU WERE SUCH A BADA-”

Tommy’s excited rant was cut short as he saw the stern look on Philza’s face. After a few moments of hesitation, your brothers were making small talk with each other with Philza occasionally chiming in. Poking idly at your food, you contemplated how you should go about apologizing to your dad. 

You supposed that the best route you could go was telling him that you wouldn’t do that again, but you knew you would do it again. That was the biggest adrenaline rush you’ve ever gotten and you were already craving it again. You couldn’t lie to your dad, your wings always gave you away by twitching uncomfortably whenever you lied. On the other hand, telling him that you felt empty when you didn’t have adrenaline coursing through your veins was not an option. He already has enough to worry about with working to provide for four teenagers. Deciding that your best bet was to lie to him and hope for the best, you zoned back into the conversation around you. Tommy was ranting about how he had broken his favorite sword dueling Techno.

“-do you have any idea how long it took me to find that enchantment, Techno?”

Techno huffed slightly in amusement. “Actually I do because I helped you find that enchantment. We found it in the village together, remember?”

“Tommy,” Philza said tiredly, “we can get you another enchanted sword. Techno, you need to be more gentle with your little brother. You have to remember he’s three years younger than you, so he has less experience in dueling.”

Tommy grumbled to himself, busying himself with shoveling food in his mouth. Wilbur glanced at him with disgust.

“Do you have to eat like that, Tommy? It’s disgusting.”

“Well, Wilbur, it’s not my fault I’m hungry.”

“You’re eating like we don’t feed you.”

You usually enjoyed it whenever your siblings argue back and forth like this, but lately it didn’t make you feel anything. You didn’t feel much anymore if you weren’t pulling off impulsive stunts. Of course, you hid it from your family and acted like you did before. It was relatively easy since you were naturally a quiet person. You thought you were doing a great job at it, you pride yourself on your acting skills.

Dinner went by fast without anything notable happening. Since it was your night to clean up, you got to work after everyone parted ways for the night. You stacked the dishes left on the dinner table and got to work washing them. Luckily, since you lived with three teenage boys, you never had to deal with leftovers. You subconsciously stretched and twitched your wings, feeling restless without feeling the wind moving through your feathers. After you got done with putting the dishes away, you took a deep breath and set out on your search for Philza. 

Walking into the living room, you saw Techno sitting near the fireplace reading one of his mythology books. “Hey, Tech. Do you know where Dad is? I need to talk to him.”

Without looking up from his book, he responded in his usual monotone voice. “Yeah, he’s up in his room. I think he’s going to bed early.” He paused for a second before looking up at you with sincerity. “You know, he was terrified when he saw you earlier. He thought that you weren’t gonna stop yourself in time. Hell, we all thought you were gonna die.”

That made you feel guilty. He already had to deal with providing and raising you four and he didn’t need anything else to worry about. You felt your wings droop slightly as you sighed. 

“...Thanks, T. G’night, love you.”

You started to speed walk to Philza’s room without giving him time to respond. You needed to apologize to him and fast. Out of all your siblings, you were always the one to hate conflict and would always apologize first whenever you got into a disagreement with anyone. You were always the pacifist. 

Walking past Tommy in the hallway, he tried to stop you to talk to you, but you ignored him with a dismissive wave of your wing. You heard him mumbling to himself as he started to walk down the stairs, probably to challenge Techno to a rematch. You nervously fluttered your wings, feathers occasionally brushing against the walls and causing you to shiver slightly at the small touch. Your hands were shaking slightly as you took a steadying deep breath and knocked on Philza’s door. Hearing his tired “come in”, you slowly opened his door. He situated himself so that he was sitting on the edge of his bed and gestured for you to sit next to him.

“Hey, Dad. I-I just wanted to say sorry for worrying you earlier. If I knew that it would stress you out, I wouldn’t have done it.” You sat next to him.

He sighed as he wrapped an arm across your shoulders, pulling you into his side. “I don’t care if it stressed me out. You could’ve gotten killed from a fall at that height. You could have lost a life. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you didn’t open your wings in time.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Then why’d you do it if you knew that you could’ve gotten yourself killed? I just want to understand why you would pull a stunt like that, I’d never expect you out of all of your siblings to do something so dangerous.”

You took a deep breath as you contemplated your next words. You really wanted to tell him about how you felt empty without putting yourself in danger. You wanted to tell him that you didn’t feel like yourself anymore. Unconsciously, your wings started to twitch and pull themselves closer to your body. 

You jumped when you felt something else wrap around you. You looked back and saw black feathers. Looking back up at your father, he looked at you with a concerned expression. 

“Take a deep breath, you’re shaking hun.”

You looked down at your hands and to your surprise, they were shaking. You took a few deep breaths and clasped your hands together tightly while Philza rubbed comforting circles on your back. 

“...It’s just that, I haven’t been feeling like myself lately, if that makes any sense. It’s like I can’t feel anything anymore without doing stupid things that could get me killed. It wasn’t the first time I’ve dived like that. One time I lost control and almost flew into lava-filled ravine.”

“...How long have you felt like this?”

“A few months now.”

Philza felt his heart break, how did he not notice that you were different for months? You could’ve gotten yourself hurt or permanently maimed yourself and it would’ve been his fault because he didn’t notice your mood shift. 

“I’m so sorry I didn’t notice sooner.”

“It’s not your fault, Dad. I didn’t tell you anything was wrong. Please don’t blame yourself.”

“We can help you find something that’ll help you. Something less dangerous.”

“We?”

“Your brothers and I. They’ve been listening this entire time, weren’t you, boys?”

You heard shuffling and muffled voices arguing with each other before the door opened to reveal your sheepish brothers. Wordlessly, they all filed into the room. Tommy grabbed your shoulders and yanked you into a tight hug. You felt Wilbur hug your other side before he pulled Techno into the group hug also. You felt feathers tickle your cheek as Philza joined, wrapping his giant wings around you all. The family hasn’t had a group hug since you all started to hit your teenage years. For the first time in a while, you felt happy without risking your life.

After that night, you were right in your assumption that you’d be grounded (literally and metaphorically) from flying for a while while your family worked hard to find something safe that gave you a distraction. Soon, Wilbur found a book about the intricacies of redstone working and you were hooked. Sure, your family was rambunctious and a strange group, but you wouldn’t want it any other way.

[griffintail]

A Day in the Life (Lost Ones)

Summary: A day with the new parents and how some of their friends reaction to their new bit of joy. 

Pairings: Platonic! Parental! Tommy, Wilbur, Philza, Technoblade, Eret, and Dream x F! Child! Reader

Previous | Next

Warnings : (In Phil’s Specifically) Death, Violence. (Generally) Swearing

A/N: Just so you know (F/L) means First Letter of your first name. Hope you guys enjoy! ♥

Tommy

        Tommy didn’t know what the fuck he was doing.

        Tubbo was even more clueless.

        When Tommy first came onto Tubbo’s doorstep frantically talking about being a father with a crying baby, Tubbo was in a state of great concern for his best friend. Tubbo knew Tommy as a scammer and a very…bold individual, to put it nicely. He did not think his friend had what it took to be any sort of fatherly figure. He was just too young and he was too…outgoing.

        The first day, the pair worked hard to figure out how to make the infant stop crying. They found out she just needed food and a diaper change. Tommy had groaned in relief, sitting on Tubbo’s floor as he held the baby feeding her the milk. From there, Tubbo questioned where he even found a child.

        “She was abandoned in a basket, in a tree. I decided to be a big man about it and take her in.”

        “Are you crazy? Tommy, you didn’t even know her gender until two minutes ago.”

        “Shut up.” Tommy huffed looking at his friend as he stopped giving (Y/N) milk for the moment. “I can figure it out, I’m still new to this Tubbo.”

        “I think maybe we should give her to one of the other guys. We don’t know what to do, we just ran around my house for five minutes trying to make her stop crying for god’s sake.”

        “I’ll figure it out! Even without your help.” Tommy looked back down at the infant, continuing to feed her.

        So, Tubbo went along with it. Tommy was stubborn and to make sure the baby didn’t get hurt, Tubbo said he’d help his friend. To be fair, they didn’t have to do much, it was just a lot of work to do the few things and barely any time to do the same adventures they use to do.

        Tommy was determined to do most of it on his own, only going to Tubbo when he was desperate for help. Which were a few times a week. He got better and better though, learning what (Y/N) needed and when.

        Tommy had managed to make a crib all on his own (with a couple of tries) and he discovered, (Y/N) liked her crib at the end of his bed. She just liked being close to Tommy often and he actually didn’t mind. He was proud to show off his baby.

        When he had shown her off to the others, they had all been in various bits of shock. Of course, when he first introduced her, the first thing he shouted was always;

        “I’m a father now bitch! Meet (Y/N)!”

        As he would, (Y/N) would giggle and babble, his excited energy rubbing off on her. After their various bits of shock (and Bad telling him to watch his language even more now that there was a baby), they would indeed think (Y/N) was cute but give him the same advice as Tubbo. Give her to an adult.

        “None of them! None of them think I can take care of you.” Tommy huffed as (Y/N) finished her milk for the hour. “Isn’t that ridiculous?”

        Tommy did struggle often. He didn’t get as much sleep as he once did, he stayed inside with (Y/N) more. It was a big change, but he was taking it seriously despite all his jokes. Just, no one could see it because they only saw Tommy as a child.

        “Well, they’re all idiots. I know I have this.” Tommy told the infant as he sat back in bed, holding her. “Right Little (F/L)?”

        (Y/N) squirmed slightly, babbling and Tommy smiled.

        “Right! It’s that time.” He grinned as he stood up, going into his chests next to his jukebox.

        As he pulled out one of his discs, Tubbo knocked on the door as he came in.

        “Hey, am I interrupting?” He asked.

        “No, you’re actually in time Big T!” Tommy said as he put the red labeled disc on.

        “For what?” Tubbo questioned confused as Tommy sat down.

        The music started to play and (Y/N) relaxed in Tommy’s arms. Tommy smiled softly, gently rocking her in his arms as he hummed along to the music. Tubbo was staring in amazement from behind Tommy’s seat.

        “Do you…do you do this often?”

        “Of course.” Tommy grinned at his best friend. “She’s got to learn great music. And look, she loves it so much she falls asleep.”

        He was correct as when Tubbo looked, (Y/N) was giving a tiny yawn as she nuzzled into Tommy.

        “Every day after lunch, I play the disc I got when I found her and she takes a nap.” Tommy quieted down; startling Tubbo as Tommy never quieted down. ��I want to find more to let her hear more.”

        Tommy put her down in her crib once she was fully asleep, motioning to the door. They both left as the music kept playing.

        “We should go get more discs tomorrow.” Tommy declared, keeping his voice level as he went through his chests. “(Y/N) needs to hear them all and I want to have them all.”

        “You…do that every day?” Tubbo said, still caught up on Tommy’s gentleness.

        Tommy rolled his eyes. “Of course, I do. (Y/N) likes it and I like it so that’s our routine Tubbo. Sometimes it takes a while though and I have to move around the room.”

        He didn’t mention that he danced to the music with her though, laughing with her as she would giggle, slightly embarrassed about the cute routine.

        “So, are we going to go out tomorrow and get some discs or not?” Tommy grinned at his friend.

        Tubbo stood there, thinking over what he had just seen. He thought about how he was actually wrong about Tommy. His best friend really cared about the girl; his own little girl. Tommy had acted drastically different than what he usually did to make sure she was well and happy. The taller boy was actually taking this very seriously and Tubbo couldn’t help but be proud of his friend.

        “Tubbo.” Tommy snapped his fingers, looking at him disapprovingly.

        “Oh, yeah. Let’s get some discs tomorrow. It’s been forever since we’ve gone on an adventure.” Tubbo smiled.

        He thought Tommy could do this whole dad thing right.

        …

        Then he slightly regretted his words in the morning when Tommy showed up with the little girl and his adventuring gear.

        “We are not taking (Y/N). It’s dangerous Tommy!” Tubbo protested.

        “Nothing will happen to her; I wouldn’t let it. Neither would you. And try and say no to this face.” Tommy showed her off, grinning. “Come on now Uncle Tubbo.”

        Tubbo paused, getting slightly giddy. “Uncle Tubbo?”

        “Of course! Now! Let’s go get some discs!” Tommy took lead.

        “…Wait! You distracted me!” Tubbo called exasperated as he followed his best friend.

        (Y/N) giggled as Tommy grinned wider. Tommy was stubborn but in the case of being a father, it was a good thing as it meant his baby would grow up healthy and happy and he could care less about what others would say.

          Wilbur

        L’Manberg didn’t have many secrets but it had one well-guarded one. That would be the simple fact that (Y/N) existed.

        After the first night with the new baby, Wilbur had gathered all the men inside the van.

        “Time to greet the people little one.” He smiled as he heard the commotion of Tommy trying to command the others.

        Coming out, he put on a serious face as everyone went quiet. Of course, Eret and Fundy already knew. The teenager had his arms crossed, looking away from his father and new sister, as Eret gave a small smile. The other two of L’Manberg…

        “Did you fuck another fish?!” Tommy shouted in exasperation to his brother.

        Fundy gave Tommy an offended glare as (Y/N) squirmed at the sudden loud noise.

        “Tommy, quiet down now,” Wilbur told him as he gently rocked the little girl, Tubbo awing at how adorable she was. “Eret found her left outside the walls last night. I’m taking her in as she was obviously abandoned. So, meet the first woman of L’Manberg, (Y/N).”

        “(Y/N) is a wonderful name.” Eret smiled a bit wider.

        “She’s so cute and small,” Tubbo said, taking a step closer to get a better look at her.

        Tommy huffed, already bored as Fundy simply stayed quiet.

        “That being said, we are in the middle of a war.”

        The weight of everything came back to rest on their shoulders as everyone with a smile stopped holding one. It was a dangerous time for all of them, no one able to leave the walls without a friend. Walls that were supposed to mean their freedom.

        “That’s why no one must know (Y/N) exists. She must be a secret from all of the Dream SMP. They’ve shown how ruthless they can be and I don’t want to think about what they’d do if they knew about her. So, beyond these walls, (Y/N) doesn’t exist.”

        Everyone gave a nod at the same time as (Y/N) had started to play with the ruffles on Wilbur’s uniform. He smiled gently as her as he took her hand, letting her play with his finger instead before looking dead serious at his men again.

        “I can’t have just a nod. I need you to be verbal. This will not be taken lightly.”

        Tommy spoke first as he gave a salute. “You have my word, Wilbur!”

        Wilbur cracked a small smile; he could always rely on his little brother. “Good, now quiet down a bit.”

        From there, it was a chorus of promises and she was their biggest secret that united them. Not even a traitor would dare breath word of her place in their walls.

        The men could see a difference in their leader every day since then.

        He left the van more often, actually going to his own home in the walls. Daily, everyone would see him carrying (Y/N) with him in her own little uniform he made on a walk within the walls. He sang more often like he used to before the declaration of war was made in order to soothe the little girl or simply to make her smile. There was a reason for him to relax and be soft and everyone was rather glad after all the weight he had been forced to hold.

        Wilbur also saw the change in his men as the days went on.

        Tubbo found joy with such an adorable new addition. He would sometimes join Wilbur on his daily walks within the walls to have a chance to hold the small girl. The young boy loved to also give her little gifts, usually toys he thought she’d like. He was very excited when Wilbur told him that she slept with a bee plushie he had gotten her.

        Tommy was curious about her. Such a small thing, he was certain he was way bigger than her when he was that young. Wilbur let him hold her on the occasion if Tommy asked, but wouldn’t wonder if Tommy was holding her. He had faith in his little brother, but his eccentric energy just put Wilbur a little on edge. Often, Tommy would brag to the little girl that he’d be the coolest uncle and teach her many swear words when she got older, much to Wilbur’s dismay.

        Eret did like the little girl, he really did as she was such a precious little thing, but he tried not to put too much attachment to her. He had begun…he had begun a different path and he didn’t want to also betray the little girl. And, the more separation he felt from her, the easier it was to lie about her existence. Though, there was the occasion he would do the same as Tubbo and gave her a toy or two, unable to help it as it put a smile on his face.

        Fundy was different. He had been an only child for most of his life and now he had a little sister? It was only natural that he was jealous and sulked at all the attention she got from their father. Their father did try to include Fundy though; inviting every day on their walks, offering to let her feed instead, asking to play his piano while Wilbur sang. Unfortunately, Fundy wanted nothing to do with his little sister, often saying he hated her, which repeatedly broke Wilbur’s heart but he had faith; he’d change his son’s mind.

        “I’m trying to have a peace talk with Dream today,” Wilbur told Fundy as he shrugged on his jacket while Fundy was sitting in the front seat of the van.

        “Ok, and?” Fundy looked up at him.

        “I’m taking Tubbo and Eret, Tommy’s staying guard and you.” Wilbur handed him a piece of paper. “And you are taking care of your sister.”

        “What?! What the hell?” Fundy exclaimed, jumping up.

        Wilbur put the paper in Fundy’s hand. “I have to go and try and make peace. I have faith in you son. (Y/N) would love to spend time with you anyways. Take good care of her alright? I don’t trust Tommy to watch her for so long but if you really need help, get him.”

        “What…Why do I have to watch the brat?”

        Wilbur gave him a stern look. “Fundy, she is your little sister. She is a part of our family. And family takes care of each other. Now, I want you to be nice to her and take care of her. Understood?”

        Fundy clenched his jaw, shoving his hands in pockets. “Yeah, yeah.”

        “Good.” Wilbur smiled at him now. “She’s still sleeping in my room. That paper is what she needs and when. You can do anything with her in-between. I’ll see you in a few hours my son.”

         Wilbur left; his heart heavy as this was the first time he’d leave (Y/N) alone but hope helping it float as he hoped Fundy could love his sister as Wilbur loved her.

        Fundy went into his father’s bedroom and saw the little girl already waking up slightly. He gave a heavy sigh as he picked her up carefully, holding her close.

        “I hate you.” He muttered as she looked up at him.

        The little girl giggled and he lowered his head. She gave pet to his face to feel the soft fur.

        “I hate you’re too fucking adorable to hate.” He huffed. “Just don’t tell dad. Now, come on dipshit, time to eat.”

        Fundy was jealous, yes. But he could never actually hate his adorable little sister. He’d keep her safe and make her happy too.

        Wilbur got back later than he expected as Dream and his goons had chased their peaceful band like sport but they managed out relatively unscathed. The moon was already up and Wilbur was worried as he hadn’t written instructions for this long in the night for Fundy. After Tommy reported no incidents along the walls, Wilbur rushed home but froze, his heart-melting. In the living room, there was a long finished playing record on the jukebox and on the couch, Fundy laid with his arm over (Y/N) securely as she laid on his chest, both of them asleep.

        “Thank you, my little champion,” Wilbur muttered with a smile, gently picking (Y/N) up before putting a blanket over Fundy. “I’m proud of you.”

        Wilbur held (Y/N) close to him as he walked to his bedroom.

        “And you, my little star, a day won’t go by where you won’t be loved. You’re our little star of hope in L’Manberg. You remind everyone what we fight for and you bring everyone smiles. We will bring peace, just so you can see how bright you shine my little star.” He kissed her forehead before putting her in her crib. “Sleep well love.”

          Philza

        Walking took longer than flying but it was definitely safer for his new little angel. He had tried to find her parents, asking around with the survivors but they weren’t there. So, Phil took her with him to meet his sons. When he started this journey, of the list of things he’d thought would happen, he didn’t think he’d gain a new child. Yet, there she slept peacefully in the sash Phil had made to carry her and keep her warm rather than carrying her in his arms the entire walk.

        She most certainly quieter than most of his other children had been when they were this small, which Phil did not mind one bit. When she was awake, he would talk to her to fill her world though. He’d tell her about her new brothers and how he was sure they’d all love her in their own way.

        “Techno will take a little convincing, he has a thing about orphans.” Phil scrunched up his nose. “But he’ll learn to you like you (Y/N).”

        He hadn’t been able to find a name either for the new baby so he gave her one on his own.

        Finally, after days of travel, Phil reached a crest of a hill and was able to see a beautiful town laid before him. From the looks of some decorations, they had some sort of festival recently. The worrying part was the people in armor down below, but, a large portion of them were celebrating. Phil scanned them over then he grew a large smile. Wilbur was patting Tommy’s shoulder as the younger boy was screaming with one of those celebrating, Techno to the side smirking.

        His sons had managed to figure it all out.

        “Looks like we were a little late angel. Your brothers can be smart when they choose to be.” He chuckled. “We’ll wait here and let them have their moment of victory.”

        He sat on the edge of the hill, giving (Y/N) her afternoon milk as he watched the crowd below and listened to the start of celebratory speeches. As he quickly burped the infant, he frowned as Wilbur left his seat in the crowd, walking away as Tubbo was getting on stage.

        “Let’s go see what he’s up to.” He muttered to the little girl, putting her in his sash securely before carefully flying over.

        He landed as Wilbur walked into a room in a hill behind the stage. His eyes went wide as he remembered one of Tommy’s letters.

        Will keeps saying if he can’t have L’Manberg, no one can. He made a room rigged to TNT under our nation. I’m hoping to talk him down but I don’t know if I can.

        “Shit.” Phil sprinted over, walking into the room after his son.

        Inside were mad scribblings as Wilbur stood with his hand on the wall next to a button.

        “What are you doing?” Phil asked him.

        Wilbur jumped, whirling around to see his father standing there, wearing a sash, unable to see the child it was holding.

        “Phil…?”

        “What are you doing?” Phil repeated.

��       Wilbur ran his hands through his hair as he looked back at the button then his father.

        “How’d you…do you know what this is?” He motioned to the room around him.

        “I do.” Phil nodded, stepping carefully forward.

        “Have heard the songs on the walls?” Wilbur asked in turn as he ran his hand over a few of the words. “I was just saying to myself, there was a special place where men can go, but there’s not anymore! It’s not…” Wilbur sighed as he looked back at the button.

        “It is there,” Phil told him as he put a hand on the side of the child to calm her down as she squirmed. “You just, you’ve just won it back.”

        “Phil! I’m always so close to pressing this button, Phil! I’ve been—I’ve been here like seven or eight times I’ve been here.” Wilbur threw up his arms as Phil stood his ground when he saw the crazed look in his son’s eyes.

        The little girl tried to give an uncomfortable babble at the loud shouting but Wilbur talked over her, having yet to notice the extra body in the room. In comfort, Phil put a hand over one of her ears as he pressed her close to him.

        “Phil I-I’ve been here so many times.” Outside of the room, they all could hear the sound of fireworks going off. “They’re fighting. They’re fighting.”

        “And you want to just blow it all up?” Phil questioned.

        “I do I think I—”

        “You fought so hard to get this land back.” Phil tried to discourage one of his older sons. “So hard.”

        “I don’t even, I don’t even know if works anymore Phil,” Wilbur said, his hand hovering over the button, making Phil take a step forward. “I don’t even know if the button works I could, I could press it and might not…”

        Wilbur looked back, grinning like a mad man and Phil squeezed the young girl lightly.

        “Do you really want to take that risk? Wilbur…” He went to continue to say, hoping to bring up his new little sister to discourage the man but Wilbur looked away, staring at the button.

        “There was a saying Phil, by a traitor. It was never meant to be.” Wilbur pressed the button, grinning at Phil as the hiss went off.

        “No!” Phil shouted, quickly pulling his son close as he covered the three of them his wings as the blast went off.

        He winced as the blast and the heat singed and damaged his feathers but he didn’t move as he held his two children close. He wouldn’t let them get harmed.

        The sound of white noise rang in their ears as the explosions slowly stopped. Phil raised his wings slightly to look in horror at the destruction before them. Outside their half-destroyed room, Phil slowly started to hear the voices crying with terror at what they just witnessed as Wilbur stood before the hole holding his arms out as he grinned.

        “My L’Manberg Phil! My unfinished symphony forever unfinished! If I can’t have this no one can Phil!”

        “Oh my god.” Phil breathed, the ringing dying down enough for him to be startled at the cries closest to him.

        (Y/N) screamed out cries in the aftermath of the loud explosions and shouting, her own ears ringing. Phil held her close, trying to calm her down despite his horror and disappointment. Wilbur finally heard the cries himself and looked over to finally notice the little girl. For a moment, he could see through his madness.

        “Who’s…who’s this?” Wilbur muttered.

        “She’s (Y/N),” Phil told him as he put his forehead on the little girl’s. “I came to help you and found her. I brought her to show her what her new brothers made. What great work you’ve done.”

        “What great…” Wilbur looked over at what he had done.

        Behind him, he could hear the cries of his new tiny sister he hadn’t been aware he had. Phil had brought her to show her a place of peace and beauty, but instead, Wilbur showed her terror and destruction. Across the explosion, he could see Tommy’s horror-struck face at the sight of their once great nation gone. This was his fault…

        He pulled his sword, holding the handle to Will. “Kill me, Phil.”

        “What?!” Phil looked at his son shocked, still clutching onto the crying girl.

        “Stab me with the sword. Murder me now. Kill me!” Will demanded as he motioned to the crowd. “Look, they all want you to!”

        Phil was stood in shock as he held a crying child in one arm while looking over at the crowd of terrified and horror-filled faces.

        “Kill me, Phil!” Wilbur shouted.

        “I—You’re my son!” Phil yelled. “No matter what you do—I can’t—”

        “Phil!” Wilbur shouted, shoving the sword handle into his hand. “This isn’t—! Look! Look! How much work went into this and it’s gone! Do it.”

        Phil looked from his son to the crowd, to the child in his arms. He couldn’t…why’d…(Y/N) should get a chance to meet her own brother! L’Manberg had ruined his son. He had gone mad…

        “I’m sorry.” He whispered under his breath before plunging the sword.

        Tears filled Phil’s eyes as he let go of the sword and held his son. (Y/N)’s wails only got louder and Phil cried with her.

        “I’m sorry, I’m sorry both of you.” He muttered

        He wished everything could be different…

        …

        Phil sat by the fire with the L’Manberg citizens, one of his hands shaking slightly as the other gently rocked the no longer crying child.

        Tommy had been speechless since the betrayal he received from both of his brothers, but looking up at his father across from him, he stood and spoke.

        “Who’s she?” He asked.

        Phil looked at him as the others looked over as well.

        “This is your new little sister (Y/N). I found her when the village I was staying at was raided and I saved her. Would you like to hold her?”

        Tommy came over and sat in front of his father. Phil helped him before letting his now second youngest hold her on his own. Tommy’s face had held no emotion after everything today but now it softened as the little girl met his eyes. He hugged her lightly as Phil held onto his shaking hand with his other to stop it.

        “I wish you could have seen what L’Manberg looked like (Y/N),” Tommy mumbled to her. “Wilbur and Techno betrayed me but I promise. I won’t betray you. I never will do that to you.”

        Phil looked at his son sadly as Tommy put his forehead on hers softly. At least Phil knew that she’d be well-loved by the brother she got to meet properly.

        From there, the next few days were made for rebuilding. Phil helped the group as best he could but he had to rest to let his wings heal and he also had to take care of his little angel. Tommy made sure the others built Phil one of the first houses so his sister could be in a proper bed.

        It warmed Phil’s heart that Tommy cared so much about his new little sister. Tommy would visit the pair occasionally just to see her, Phil giving him a little bit of trust to take care of her. Of course, Tommy used that trust to be his usual self and brag about how cute his little sister was to anyone that would listen to the boy’s antics. Though many couldn’t deny the boy, she was a very cute little girl and often brought smiles to other’s faces.

        Phil was glad that his quiet little girl could bring joy to people that had been through so much. He just wished that she had had a chance to bring smiles to those that didn’t walk beside them any more…

          Technoblade

        “Phil,” Techno called on his walkie, trying to quiet down the girl crying in his arms.

        “Yes?” Phil answered.

        “She won’t stop crying,” Techno told him, Phil, able to hear the girl, chuckling quietly to himself. “Don’t laugh at this!”

        “Sorry, sorry. Alright, you feed and changed her right?” The older man listed.

        “Yes.” He had done it a few minutes ago, on his usual schedule to do so.

        “Did you burp her after she ate?”

        Techno paused and huffed before burping the child, the cries dying down after she released the gas that had built up.

        “I forgot, she stopped.”

        “Good. Just relax now, alright Techno?”

        “Yeah.” Techno sighed as he put his walkie away, looking down at the little girl. “What now brat?”

        It was often that Techno called his father to ask what to do. To put it simply, he was worried he’d fuck this all up. He had never exactly taken care of a child before; it had been all anarchy and blood before he decided on retirement. Hell, he barely ever took care of Tommy when he was a child, that was usually Wilbur’s thing.

        He didn’t know the first thing he was doing nor did the voices. They always threw out different ideas contradicting each other. So, Techno always did his best and when it didn’t seem like enough, he went immediately to Phil.

        When he did have things under control though, it was just any other day. Brew some potions out of habit, take care of the animals before collecting food for himself and milk for (Y/N), and trade with some of the villagers close by. The only difference was that he brought (Y/N) with him while he did anything.

        To his relief, she was a quiet child and didn’t mind his quiet nature. She didn’t need pointless noise to be happy so he could just simply work. Techno did get Phil to make her a warmer outfit and Phil took it seriously but also made it a joke. He made her a pink outfit from wool and leather and with a bit extra, put fake pig ears on the hood of the outfit, which Techno would never admit looked adorable on her out loud.

        He most certainly didn’t put it on her even if they weren’t going out that day, why would anyone think that?

        Phil most certainly did spoil her though when he would come over. He’d always have something new for the little girl, clothes, and toys. His father also often tried to discourage Techno from using some of his nicknames for his child when the older man was over, such as brat.

        (Y/N) yawned quietly and Techno chuckled, a small smile cracking on his face.

        “Tired early huh? Yeah, ok, I can use a nap.” He nodded as he went up to his bedroom.

        He sat on his bed, leaning back on the headboard as he racked his brain for their daily ritual.

        “I got a good one today.” He laughed quietly. “Let me tell you about the story of Theseus.”

        Every nap and bedtime, there was always a story for Techno to tell. Sometimes he’d tell her about his adventures around the world, about the places he conquered. There were other days when he’d tell her about myths he had memorized. It was when he’d talk the most to the little girl and he rather enjoyed these moments in his day.

        It was their special little thing and he wouldn’t ever want to miss them.

        Close to the end of the story, he stopped as he noticed (Y/N) was asleep. He nodded as he laid back, resting her carefully on his chest.

        A crib was one thing Techno had not invested his time in. He didn’t move in his sleep and it was rare for the little girl to move in hers. So, he slept with her on his chest, giving him and the voices a better piece of mind. No one knew where he was, but he was still paranoid. This was the safest place for her.

        “Sleep well little goddess,” Techno muttered, a hand on her back.

        Despite the trials, he didn’t mind being a father.

          Eret

        Eret put a small flower crown on the infant’s head that matched the one he was wearing, smiling as she giggled, before picking her up, continuing on their daily walk through the SMP.

        It was a lot of trial and error with the pair but Eret was a quick learner and adapted to the needs of his new child. He didn’t do as much as he once did with his friends, fewer prank wars with Fundy, and less involvement with Tommy’s antics, but he didn’t mind. He spent those hours with his little princess now; taking walks with her, playing with her along the way and in the castle, and making clothes that made her the adorable princess that she.

        Of course, he did still sometimes get involved.

        “Eret!” Tommy yelled on the walkie.

        Eret chuckled as he took it from his pocket. “It seems Tommy is having troubles again princess.” She gave a babble and Eret nodded. “You’re very right. Let’s see what he needs. Yes, Tommy?”

        “I need your help at my base ASAP!” Tommy demanded.

        “It’s nothing dangerous right?” He asked.

        “Of course not, now if you could hurry.”

        He shook his head chuckling. “Alright, I’m on my way.”

        Putting the walkie away, he hugged his little girl lightly as he changed direction.

        “Sorry princess, we need to go check on Tommy. I know you won’t mind though.”

        There were other times that had happened similarly and Eret would take (Y/N) with him to meet the younger boy. The younger boy’s energy would rub off on the infant and she would get excited as well, babbling and giggling constantly. As long as nothing dangerous was going on, Eret was glad to bring (Y/N) over as it always brought a smile to his face at how adorable she’d get.

        Walking onto Tommy's property, he saw the young boy waiting impatiently outside his dirt home.

        “There you are! You brought the brat?” He huffed.

        “Come now, Tommy. (Y/N) loves being around you, at least be kind to her.” Eret smiled, knowing the boy meant no ill will.

        “Right, now!” Tommy said dramatically as he opened the door to his base. “I need to make a plan!”

        Following him in, he saw Tubbo was also there looking over a paper with Tommy’s handwriting on it. Tubbo looked up as they came in and grinned seeing the little girl in Eret’s arms.

        “You brought (Y/N)!” Tubbo exclaimed excitedly as he came over. “Can I hold her?”

        Eret laughed as he nodded, helping the other boy hold her. Tubbo enjoyed seeing the little girl, loving to play with her and spend time with her. There were times when Eret would let Tubbo babysit his princess so he could do a few more dangerous tasks.

        “You got a little crown, you’re really a princess now.” Tubbo grinned as the girl babbled at him.

        “We’re not here for (Y/N), we’re here to plan!” Tommy protested now.

        Tommy didn’t mind the small child, he just got annoyed when the focus would come off him.

        Focus went back on Tommy but Eret left after a little while to give (Y/N) her lunch for the day. She had gotten energetic after seeing the two boys, babbling and giggling as Eret played with her on the walk back. As they got back to his castle, he saw a wrapped package and note at the main door. Picking it up, he saw it was Fundy’s handwriting.

        You stand no chance, it’s for (Y/N)

        He raised an eyebrow, opening the package then laughed.

        “It seems Fundy wishes to make you love him more than me.” Eret showed her the fox plushy, making her eyes sparkle as he gave it to her. “But I know that you’ll always love me, princess.” He booped her nose, (Y/N) looking at his sunglasses, babbling. “That’s right. I think this prank was an automatic failure. I love you princess.”

          Dream

        “Come on (Y/N), you just got to hold out your hands to me,” Sapnap told the infant in the crib at the community house.

        “No, she’s going to me,” George argued.

        The little girl looked between the two as they went between bickering and encouraging her to hold her hands out to them. Then she looked directly between them and held her arms out giggling.

        “What?” George looked behind them and yelped seeing Dream.

        “What are you idiots doing?” Dream laughed as he picked up his daughter.

        “We were trying to get (Y/N) to choose her favorite uncle, but then you ruined it.” Sapnap huffed, crossing his arms.

        “Well, I am her favorite person.” Dream bragged as he pulled his mask up while looking at the little girl. “Peek-a-boo.”

        The girl gave a little squeal of laughter and Dream chuckled rubbing his nose against hers.

        “She loves both of you idiots.” Dream told them, put his mask back on. “You’re her uncles.”

        “Yeah, but I got to prove Uncle Sapnap is the best.” Sapnap pointed to himself.

        “No! I’m better than you of course.”

        The two bickered and Dream shook his head at his friends before leaving the community house.

        “Your uncles are stupid.” Dream whispered to the little girl, tickling her stomach making her giggle. “Why don’t we go look at what the new people have built today, sound good sweetheart?”

        After Dream had taken in the little girl, his life had most certainly brightened more as their world around them grew. She was a constant ball of happiness that always made Dream and his friends smile. Of course, they had to power through learning how to take care of a baby, a lot of screaming coming from all parties the first night they had the child. But they were starting to get the hang of it.

        One thing Dream loved to do that always seemed to please the little girl was taking her around to see the new buildings that were slowly starting to appear as more people joined their land of the SMP. She seemed to like taking in the new sights so Dream took her whenever someone new came or a new build appeared.

        “I don’t know what I’m going to do with your uncles when you get older. They’re going to be falling over each other to get your attention.” Dream told her as he walked. “I think they think I’ll like whoever wins. You’re my special little girl after all. But what they don’t know, is I don’t care as long as you’re happy.”

        It was very true that Dream’s two best friends were always falling each other to get the attention of the infant already. They got her many things to win her over, having similar competitions when Dream wasn’t looking. Right now, the score was even.

        To try and balance the two-out, Dream would alternate on who he took out for dangerous adventures and who would stay with his little girl. He couldn’t send the both of them on their own, unfortunately, least one of them “trips” into a lava pool.

        Dream stopped on the edge of the new property, (Y/N) looking at the colorful flowers decorating it.

        He was a bit hesitant to show her off to others as he wasn’t the most trusting but if they were going to be part of his land, he would introduce her out principle. He did say she was going to be the princess of his land.

        “No new faces today doesn’t seem Tommy is around.” Dream said to her. “We’ll see him later I’m sure. How about we go visit Punz for a bit?”

        He walked away from the property. There were so many people on his land now, he was sure it would become a bright place where his little princess could always be happy.

Lost Ones Taglist: @kakamihasatmblr​ @ialexabsuniverse​ @teaguecosmos​ @chaosofsmarty​

A/N: If you want to be in this taglist I have a post on my page you can reply on or just send me an ask :)

[missymurphy1985]

The Writer (part 10) Final Chapter - Epilogue

Warning - childbirth

Massive thank you goes out to @heidimoreton for your trust and faith with your idea - couldn't have done this without you 💖

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @peakyciills @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @cilleveryone @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06 @datewithgianni @heidimoreton @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch

It had been nearly a full year since that first encounter. Twelve months of pure bliss. Your roommate was married to your brother now, and had a job as Charlie's tutor - Thomas still hadn't allowed him back at the school so Laura had been hired as his home tutor. You'd moved into Arrow House when you discovered there was a mini Shelby on the way.

Flashback

"Y/n, come here..." Polly had been over that morning to help you make plans for Christmas dinner. Your brother and Laura were coming, along with the Shelby family, and you were panicking about the whole thing. You wanted it to be perfect. You entered the kitchen where Polly suddenly grabbed under your left breast, and you instantly pulled away.

"What are you doing?"

"Just stand still will you?"

"Stand still while my boyfriend's aunt gropes me??"

"Yes." You furrowed your brow in confusion but allowed her to continue.

"This isn't awkward at all Polly, wanna tell me what's going on?" Thomas walked in right at that moment, and froze instantly.

"Polly... Polly what are you doing?" He eyed her, but not suspiciously like you did. It was more of a 'knowing' kind of look.

"Well well Thomas.. hardly surprising considering you two can barely keep your hands off each other..." She smirked.

You were totally confused, darting your eyes between them

"Someone wanna enlighten me?"

Tommy looked to the floor, rubbing his eyes, before smiling. A huge grin, followed by a long sigh.

"Remember telling me you didn't have children with Jack because you thought you couldn't have them?" Polly asked and you nodded, still trying to work out what was going on.

"You weren't infertile, y/n." Tommy leaned against the door, his eyes slightly damp as he glanced at your stomach. The penny still hadn't dropped.

"Someone want to tell me what the fuck is going on here?"

Tommy nodded at Polly who left the room, smiling to herself. Tommy pulled you over to him, his hands stroking your arms.

"After Grace died, I vowed never to love again. It felt like I would be cheating on her, disgracing her memory. She didn't need replacing, and I certainly couldn't replace her. When you lost Jack, you felt the same, which is exactly why I think fate brought us together. We discovered there was enough room in our hearts for another love. Now, it seems we need to make room for one more." His right hand took yours, and he placed them both over your stomach gently. The penny dropped, and your mouth hung open in stunned silence.

"I'm... I'm pregnant?"

"You are. Pol?" Polly came back in and threw her arms around you, squealing with delight.

"But I didn't think I could... Jack and I tried for years..."

"You clearly weren't the infertile one, y/n. I'd say you're around six weeks already, you're glowing! That's how I could tell," Polly had tears in her eyes, and you felt your emotions coming to the surface.

"I can just about handle one of you crying, both of you will send me over the edge, knock it off!" Thomas laughed, wiping his eyes on the back of his sleeve making your eyes water more, a choked sob leaving your chest.

He pulled you close, his chin resting on the top of your head as you sobbed with happiness into his shoulder.

"A baby..." You choked.

"Our baby. And now we know you can have them, don't think we're stopping here either," he winked, making you grin. You'd have a football team of Shelby's if you could.

Present Day

You were both lying in bed having a lazy Sunday morning. Tommy's hand drifting over your baby, still tucked warmly inside you but due to make her appearance in the next two weeks. Occasionally she would kick his hand - the clear bump visible making both of you smile.

"She's going to be famous - Polly told me," you grinned, clasping your hand over his, resting it where she'd kicked.

"She's going to be beautiful. Any thoughts on names?"

"Yes. What do you think of Jacqueline Grace?" You asked, nervously. A mix of the two people who'd brought you both together. He looked down at your belly, moving his body down to kiss it lightly, smiling.

"I love it. It's perfect.. thank you.."

You grimaced slightly as a sharp pain shot through your abdomen, you'd had a few over the last few days but put them down to over exertion - you'd refused to rest up like Tommy had ordered, continued the renovation planning of the house.

"You okay?" He asked as you tensed.

"Yes - Ada warned me about this, it's just my body preparing that's all, nothing to worry about." Your hand suddenly tightened on his as another pain gripped you, you sat up and gritted your teeth.

"Shit..." Tommy gasped as a sudden gush of water flooded the sheet underneath you. He looked to you, both of you panicking but smiling through the fear.

"Call Polly - I think your daughter wants to meet us a little earlier than planned!" He kissed you, then shot up and ran down the stairs to the phone in his office.

You stood up, walking round in circles, rubbing your belly as another wave of pain took over. You were doubled up, haunched over a chair when Tommy came back in the room, panting through the pain.

"She's out - Michael's out looking for her... We need to call a doctor -"

"No! I wanted this to be family only Thomas, I don't want doctors fussing or drugs, I can do this without them... Just rub my back, please.." he moved to your side, his hand stroking firmly over your lower back.

"I don't know what to do y/n!"

"You do as I need you to do, then when Polly gets here you can leave if you need to.."

"Not a chance am I letting you go through this alone - I'm staying right here if you'll let me?" You turned to him surprised, but nodded.

"Fuck... Tommy this really hurts..." Another wave of pain. "Take me downstairs, I need water..." He led you slowly down the stairs into the lounge, before fetching you a glass of water. You paced the room, the pressure in your pelvis was excruciating but you tried to remember Ada and Polly's advice as much as possible - breathing slowly, staying calm.

"Thomas where is she?!" You screamed, leaning over the back of the sofa. The contractions were coming quickly and getting more painful. Weren't these things supposed to take hours?? Days even??

"Come lie down, rest - you need to keep your strength up..." He lay you down on the floor, but you quickly realised that wasn't what you wanted. You moved into a kneeling position, your upper body resting against Tommy's chest as he breathed with you through each contraction.

"Tommy, I can feel her pushing down..." You panted. He suddenly took charge - lifting your nightdress up and ripping your panties away from you. Reaching a hand between your legs, he pulled away sharply.

"Then push - she's coming now whether Polly is here or not, I can feel her head - Push!"

You bore down, gripping onto his shoulders for support. The pain was stifling. His hand between your legs, he could feel his baby's head slowly pushing through.

Pulling away from you slightly, he grabbed a cushion from the sofa and placed it between your knees.

One of the maids must have heard the commotion, and she entered the room carrying a bowl of cool water and towels.

"Mr Shelby let me help, I've delivered three sisters..." He nodded, holding your nightdress up by your waist as Clara focussed on the baby.

"Thomas Shelby, you put that cock anywhere near me again and I'll cut it off, you hear me??"

"Shh now you know that's not true.... I've got you, come on... I'll breathe with you, eh?"

"Mrs Shelby you need to pant - do not push until I tell you to, okay?" Clara ordered.

Tommy leaned back, looking directly into your eyes.

"With me... Come on..." You found strength in those blue eyes, as he panted with you. Your eyes watering from the immense pain between your legs. "Stay with me, that's it, I've got you.."

"Heads out, push now Mrs Shelby!"

A scream left you as your body took over.

"How much more Clara?!" Tommy asked, desperate not to see you suffering any more.

"We're nearly there now, one more Mrs Shelby.."

"You hear that? One more and our girl is here. Jacqueline Grace will be here in her Mama's arms, come on baby, you can do this I know you can." You shook your head to protest but again your body defied you.

"Tom... Shit shit shit...." The wave of pain, tied with your exhaustion, was almost too much to bear. You couldn't take anymore, you could see the blood on Tommy's shoulders through his shirt where your nails had dug into him. You rested your head on his chest, focussing on his heart beat as he kissed your head. One scream from you, followed swiftly by a baby's cry from underneath you as you slumped against him, completely exhausted.

A few minutes went by, as Tommy eased you onto the floor between his legs, pulling your nightdress clean off you. You didn't care that Clara saw you completely bare - there wasn't much more she could have seen at that point. Just as you regained your senses, your baby girl was placed on your chest, having been checked and cleaned by your new favourite maid.

"Congratulations Mr and Mrs Shelby, she's perfectly healthy," she smiled, handing her to you. She instinctively searched for your breast, hungrily suckling from you as a wave of pure love took over. You could feel Tommy shuddering slightly underneath you, unashamedly crying as he watched his daughter feed.

"You were so brave.. so strong.. you blew me away y/n, I'm so fucking proud of you..."

Once you'd been cleaned up and moved back upstairs in bed, Polly arrived. She stopped in the doorway in shock, seeing you lying in bed sleepily as your husband swayed back and forth, Jacqueline in his arms dozing.

"Better late than never, eh Pol?" He laughed, handing his daughter to his Aunt. She choked holding the little one close, kissing the top of her head gently.

You tried so hard to stay awake but you could feel your eyelids growing heavy. A small kiss placed on the top of your head sealed the deal.

"Sleep now Mama. You'll need your rest, because I'm putting another one of those in you at the earliest opportunity."

[plant-gt-thought-box]

A Father’s Determination

Hey @jkknight98 I'm th one giving you your gift! Sorry it took so long everything caught fire! But its here! I hope you like it!

Prompt chosen- "Shh, Shh! They can't know we're here!"

------------------------------------------------------

Wilbur dragged a giant bag full of food behind him as he headed towards the old abandoned cottage he and his sons lived in, he had luckily got enough food for Fundy to have a proper feeling dinner but still needed to find something for Tommy

If you're wondering why a giant sack of food can't last three borrowers a few days, that's because of a witch that had cursed Wilbur's sons to be humans now, this made getting food for the boys extremely difficult but Wilbur has been able to do a pretty decent job!

Fundy was 12 so Wilbur decided to just teach him how to hunt early so he can catch a few rabbits to eat, which was quite easy since his eldest son was a fox hybrid

But for Tommy, Wilbur would usually let the 2 year old wander over to some young ladies that like to have picnics in the forest they lived in, the two gladly feed him and never tried to take Tommy away. Wilbur did have to send Fundy over to get his younger brother a few times but besides that it always went well!

Considering the situation Wilbur had done quite a good job of making sure the boys were fed and had proper shelter, he still struggled making them clothes since it was so hard to get fabric but Wilbur was sure he would find a solution to that eventually

"Boys! I'm home!" Wilbur called out dragging the bag full of food inside with him and turned around holding his arms up in the air inspecting to be picked up by one of his sons, he waited a few moments excited to hear their feet pattering and shaking the floor beneath him but didn't hear anything...

The house was uncomfortably quiet so Wilbur ventured deeper into the house checking all the rooms and calling out to his boys hoping one of them would answer or he would find them napping somewhere in the house

But neither of the boys were there.

"Fuck where are they? Those two know better than to stay out so late at night..." Wilbur continued walking around the house trying to find any signs of when his boys left and then notice some scratch marks by the back door that was for some odd reason was wide open

Wilbur quickly realized what had happened and ran over to the door noticing the unfamiliar footprints that led deeper into the forest, he grabbed his borrowing gear and follow the tracks deep into the forest

He only hoped whoever took his boys wasn't doing anything to harm them...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had taken 2 hours for Wilbur to finally get to the house his sons have been taken to and he pretty quickly found a way in, he stayed close to the walls as he walked around on the floor trying to find whoever owned this house

Wilbur jumped as the ground beneath him started shaking and he quickly hid underneath the couch, he watched a some type of hybrid with hooved feet walked by grumbling about something

He listened closely as the hooved hybrid spoke "Stupid kid bitting me- why is he so desperate to get back to that abandoned dirty cabin? Well at least the younger one hasn't put up too much of a fight-"

The deep-voiced hybrid was interrupt with his out loud thinking as a loud screeching noise came from upstairs, Wilbur instantly recognized it as Tommy

Wilbur quickly ran out from under the couch is the hybrid start heading upstairs grabbing onto the cape he was wearing so he could get a free ride, he looked up noticing that the hybrid had a long pink braid and some pointy ears with gold earrings

Maybe it's a Piglin? Or an Avian?

Wilbur held on tightly to the cape as they walked up the stairs trying to see if he can figure out what room Fundy was in since he obviously wasn't in the same room as Tommy, he could now hear few other voices his son and another unfamiliar voice that belong to a much older individual

Wilbur realize they had reached the room Tommy was in and quickly jumped off of the piglins cape hiding underneath an armchair in the room, he watch the pink haired brute walk over to a crab holding his son and loom over them

"Why are you crying? We fed and changed you- what else could you possibly want?" The pink-haired piglin asked growling at the young blonde which caused the kid to start crying more

The brunette had to fight back the urge to run out into the open to go comfort his son and make sure he was okay, if he was seen by this hybrid he would most likely be killed

"Phiiiil the smoll one os crying again!" The piglin yelled causing Wilbur to cover his ears

"Give him the-ow stop that kid- The plush animals on the top shelf above his crib!" The odor voice yelled back sounding like he was being given quite a hard time from Fundy, he watched as the piglin does he was told and dropped a bunch of stuffed animals into the crib holding Tommy

"There- now shut up." The pink-haired brute demanded growling at the young blond again, Wilbur gritted his teeth as his son head underneath all the toys still sodding

The brunette moved deeper underneath the arm chair as the piglin left and headed to whatever room Fundy was being held, Wilbur took this as an opportunity to run over to the crib and started climbing up the side

"Tommy!" Wilbur called out as he reach the bars of the crib "Tommy! Sunshine its me!" He smiled as a head of messy blond hair poked out of the stuffed animals

"D-Dada?" Tommy asked in a raspy voice sniffling "Dada I wanna go home" the two-year-old whimpered out reaching up and carefully grabbing his father

Wilbur did his best to hug his son back if he was held against his chest trying to comfort them "Its ok Tommy, I'm here now and we're going to go home once we get your brother", he took his cape off trying to wipe away the toddler's tears "Now can you do something for me buddy?"

Tommy nodded his head "Ok! What is it?" The kid asked tilting his head to the side

"Can you climb out of the crib using the stuffed animals?" Wilbur asked watching as the young blonde looked over the edge of the crib and nodded his head vigorously 

“Ok!” Tommy carefully set Wilbur in his overall pocket and began crawling out of the crib, Tommy landed on the ground outside the crib with a small thud but besides that was pretty much ok “What do we do now Dada?”

Wilbur poked his head out of the overall pocket looking around for somewhere his son could hide and pointed at some curtains near the window “I want you to stand behind that curtain and take your shoes off then go hide in the closet” he quickly went back down into the pocket as the two year old went to do as he was told, the two waited in the closet patiently until a tall man in a green robe with black wings walked into the room and instantly went to check behind the curtain as they noticed Tommy’s shoes

“Ok go!” Wilbur yelled as Tommy jumped out of the closet and started running down the hallway towards the room Fundy was in, Tommy continued running as he heard the winged man yell out and start chasing him, Tommy quickly turned a corner into the room he remembered Fundy was taken into

The blonde stood there very confused as to why his brother was lying there on the floor, Wilbur poked his head out of the pocket and looked down at his son quite worried and called out “Fundy? Fundy? Fluffball you ok?” The fox hybrid’s ears twitched as he sat up and looked at Tommy, his tail swishing back and forth as he saw his father

Wilbur held his arms out as his eldest son came over and picked him up out of the pocket and lifted him up holding him close to his face, the brunet did his best to give his son a hug “I’m happy to see you’re ok Fluffball”

Wilbur pushed away from his eldest son's face "But we need to get going, do you know how to get out of this house?"

Fundy nodded his head and carefully put his father back in his younger brothers overall pocket "I do! But we'll have to make a run for it!"

"But I lost my shoes..." Tommy added as Fundy took the younger ones hand

Wilbur patted Tommy's chest "It's ok you can still run kiddo, just make sure to hold on to Fundy's hand"

The two kids carefully snuck out of the hallway noticing that the old man with the bucket hat was sitting down on the floor a few feet away from their door, Fundy took off his two shoes and threw them at the old man and then started running towards the front door of the house holding on the Tommy's hand tightly

As the two ran the tell piglin walked into the house for the front door as Fundy quickly ran around him- Well Tommy ran straight into the piglin and heard quiet crack noise

Fundy quickly noticed that his brother wasn't with him and quickly ran back in picking his younger brother up, he started running deep into the forest as he heard the two yelling behind them

The kids didn't stop running until they reached there home and hide inside the old closet in the house, Fundy hugged his brother closely whispering "Dad-Dad where home! What do we do now?" the eldest asked but didn't get any response back

The fox hybrid sniffed the air and quickly recognized the smell of blood as he reached into Tommy's overall pocket and pulled their father out, he quickly noticed Wilbur had a broken arm and was completely unconscious

Tommy started sniffling "I-I'm sorry- I didn't mean to hurt Dada-" he was quickly cut off by Fundy as the eldest climbed out of the closet holding their father close to his chest

"C'mon we need to go back and get some medical supplies" Fundy started walking back towards the house holding Tommy's hand

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Techno grumbled to himself as he sat at the kitchen table drumming his fingers on the wood, he was told by Phil to wait at the house for the kids to come back

It didn't make much sense to him considering the kids we're constantly trying to leave- but unlike Phil he didn't have a lot of experience with kids so he decided to trust it for now

Techno continue drumming his fingers sniffing the air every now and again to see if the kids had come back, after 20 minutes they did.

The piglin played dumb and just continue drumming his fingers listening to the young fox hybrid desperately trying to break one of the windows upstairs open and making far too much noise, he slowly stood up grabbing his cloak from the coat rack and started walking up stairs towards where he heard the children

Techno watched as a small foxtail ran into the bathroom and quickly closed the door behind it, he smiled remembering that was one of the few rooms that had no window

Aka he can easily catch the kids now

The piglin very slowly approached the door overhearing the kids talking about something....

"No! Tommy stop! That's not how you take care of broken arms!" The young fox hybrid yelled at his young brother

"But Dada said-"

"Dad said that to get you to stop crying and being a nuisance!" He yelled again but this time the younger sibling broke down crying, Techno listen closely as he heard the older sibling trying to comfort the younger and horribly failing

Techno I walked over to the bathroom door slowly opening it and closing it behind him realizing the kids were too busy crying to notice him, he just stood in front of the door still not being noticed and decide to just throw his cloak over the two

Techno quickly wrap the clock around the two trapping them in a sack and carefully drop them down into the bathtub, the boys just sat there absolutely terrified the young blonde looking over at the sink counter

He followed the kids games and saw a tiny person laying on the counter with a broken arm....

"HEH!?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wilbur grumbled as he woke up rubbing his head as he sat up slowly looking around him extremely confused and why it was so dark, the last thing he remembered was Tommy running into someone and he got knocked unconscious- and got his arm broken because of the impact

"So you're finally awake? Good, we were getting tired of waiting." A gruff and unfamiliar voice said, Wilbur quickly turned around paling as he looked up and up and up at the avian and piglin that had taken his sons earlier

The avian slowly reached out toward Wilbur resting a hand behind him and pushing him a bit closer to the two "We aren't going to hurt you we just want to understand what the kids mean by you being their father"

Wilbur sat there extremely confused for a few minutes and took in several deep breaths to calm down, he nodded his head "O-Ok, I am their father by blood."

"How?" The piglin asked glaring daggers at the small man

Wilbur shivered under his gaze "A-A witch turned them into humans, I've been taking care of them for a year now like this-"

"A year? Mate one of them is two years old, you should be dead by now if you had to take care of a one-year-old bigger than you!" The avin interrupted looking down at Wilbur absolutely surprised

The brunette simply nodded his head "F-Fundy, my eldest, helped me with that. Once a little kid understands the rules they actually do really well with following them!" Wilbur nervously laughed as the two continue staring down at him like they didn't believe a single word he said

The piglin leaned in extremely close to Wilbur baring his teeth "And you're telling the entire truth right?"

Wilbur nodded his head glaring daggers at the piglin "Yes, I am telling the truth."

The piglin continued to just stare at the borrower for a few minutes until he slowly backed away "Yeah he's telling the truth."

"He is?" The avian asked a bit shocked by this

"Mhm, he's been telling nothing but the truth." Wilbur side with relief once the piglin set that, he looked up at the two tugging on his shirt nervously

"Sooo does this mean I can go home with my kids now or?" The brunette asked and started frowning as the two looked down at him like he was crazy

"Fuck no, that cabin is not safe for those kids to live in" The avin explained "Look we don't want to take your kids from you but we can't let them live in a place like that"

Wilbur nodded his head understandingly, to be honest even he hated that his kids had to live in such a dump "I know- but there's nowhere else we could stay, unless we could just live here" he joked

"Ok, I'll get the guest room ready" The piglin said as he stood up and started walking up stairs

"Wait what?" Wilbur looked up at the avin extremely confused "We can stay here? Like actually stay here?"

The avian nodded his head "Sure! This house is pretty big so we have plenty of room, also I'm Philza and my friend is Techno"

Wilbur didn't fully believe this was happening. First his kids were kidnapped and now he was going to be living with said kidnappers, this was extremely weird and probably not the safest idea

The brunette was moved into the guest room with his kids and had a bed set up on the nightstand so he could watch over them, the two slept peacefully with full bellies wrapped up in warm blankets and cuddled up next to handmade stuffed dolls

Wilbur didn't fully trust Techno and Philza but he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to keep his boys safe, he slowly closed his eyes and allowed himself to fall asleep

Hopefully this would go well and maybe just maybe this would end with a new family forming

[naughtyneganjdm]

Parenthood

Summary: Being a parent is hard and exhausting, but being married to Joel makes it so much easier for Y/N after becoming a mother for the first time.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC)

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, etc.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31264607

Notes: Someone requested me to do a short one-shot for Joel and I know I've never written a Joel story directly, so this is my first. Technically I write a version of a character inspired by Joel for The Guest/Arcadia, BUT -- this is what I came up with. In case people didn't know Y/N means your name or you can insert any name you want. Thanks to anyone that reads it! And I also apologize for any potential errors, this was written rather fast and edited when I was really tired.

There it was again, that same incessant buzzing. Truthfully, Y/N should have been used to it by now. It had already been three months. It was the same time, every single night. Yet, when this time of night came, she never found herself ready. Drowsily, her eyes fluttered to an open. The room was still blurry while her tired eyes adjusted to the dark room around her. The only thing that lit up the room was the bright, red light from her alarm clock that she had set up. Three in the morning always came too fast.

Parenthood was the hardest thing she had ever experienced. Not that she didn’t love it. Hell, she loved every second of it, but you’re never prepared for how much work it truly takes when you have a baby. Everyone always warned her that it would kick her ass. Most of the time she thought it was a joke, but now she knew better. Then again, this wasn’t a normal world that she was living in. Maybe if things were ordinary and the world was like it used to be, things would be easier.

The fears of the infected were always lingering at the back of her mind. Not only that, but those that were trying to infiltrate the community was a repeating fear in her mind. There was never a dull moment in Jackson. The anxiety had always been there, but it just enhanced when she became a parent. Because then, you weren’t only thinking about yourself, but you were also thinking about the life of your child.

Finally mustering up enough strength, she turned her head into the pillow and let out a small groan. Sliding her palms out over the cool sheets beneath her, she pushed up with her strength and got herself into a seated position. Throwing her legs over the side of the bed caused a chill to fill her entire body. With the blankets and sheets wrapped around her on this cool fall night it had kept her nice and cozy. Without them, the briskness of the chilly Wyoming air had flooded in through the windows to her bedroom and she shuddered.

Curling her fingers around the edge of the bed, she dug them into the mattress and let out a yawn, “It’s my turn this time baby…”

Hearing nothing in return, she looked over her shoulder to see that her husband was missing from his side of the bed. Stretching out her hand toward his side of the bed, she felt the coolness of the sheets beside her showing that he had been gone for quite some time.

“Joel,” an undeniable grin tugged at the corners of her lips when she thought about her husband. There were no doubts in her mind where he was. It was where he was most nights. Even though they had set the alarm and she was always waking up, this was the same way most nights.

Getting up from the bed, she moved groggily through their dark bedroom making sure not to knock into anything until she managed to turn on the light. It may have been hard waking up at three in the morning for the feedings, but this was easily becoming her favorite time of the day. Quietly opening the bedroom door, she tip-toed through the hallway to try and stay quiet. A light filtered into the dark hallway just right outside the door of the baby’s room.

Coming to a pause, she stayed still in the hallway when she heard the faint sounds of Joel singing quietly and it made her heart full. Joel’s singing was something that had drawn her to him when she had first met him. On the outside Joel seemed like such a shy man. For him to sing, he really had to trust you at first, which of course blew her mind when she found out he wanted to be a singer when he was younger. Even though he was ridiculously charming, handsome and multi-talented, Joel had grown to become someone who was very self-conscious of himself. It was something she had been working on with him for quite some time. After helping him gain some confidence and getting him to open up to people, the walls he had worked so hard to build were slowly breaking down. Now he was giving guitar lessons to the folks in Jackson which was something Joel wouldn’t have done when she had first met him.

Dragging her feet, she stopped at the door to lean against the doorframe. The sight alone caused her heart to flutter inside of her chest. Joel was sitting in the corner of the room in the rocking chair that he had made himself. He was wearing his pajama pants with a burp cloth thrown over his shoulder. In his arms was their son. Joel’s eyes were locked on him with such love and adoration while he sang to him.

Awe flooded through her. It was a picture perfect sight. The two of her boys together reminded her all over again why she fought so hard for the life that she did. Having the two of them in her life made everything worth it.  Every day she found herself swooning over her husband in a new way. Joel made it easy to love him. On the outside he appeared to be rough and tough, but he had the biggest heart of anyone she had ever known.

A few minutes she spent just watching the two of them together until Joel’s eyes finally lifted up from their son to see that she was observing. It drew a smile to tug at the corners of his lips, but he didn’t stop singing. Once she knew that Joel was aware she was there, she moved into the bedroom and stepped beside Joel to look down at their son. The sound of Joel’s voice was calming him to the point of falling asleep again. As Joel finished the song, their son was fast asleep.

“He’s beautiful,” she reached out to place her hand over Joel’s bare shoulder, squeezing firmly at it. Joel leaned his head against her arm cherishing the warmth of her close to him. Seeing their son in his arms was beautiful. It blew her mind that together they were able to make something so pure and perfect.

“That’s because he looks like his mama,” Joel insisted and the compliment was intensified by the drawl of his Texan accent. It made her smile, but her eyes were drawn back to their son. Joel cuddled him in closer to his chest and hummed before speaking up again. “Isn’t that right Brayden?”

“Well, I think he looks like his daddy,” she corrected him, her fingers trailing up the side of Joel’s neck and toward his thick graying hair. Caressing over his scalp caused Joel’s eyes to close tightly and a worn-out sigh escaped his throat. “How long have you been in here babe?”

“A few hours,” Joel answered clearing his throat as he nodded over toward the baby bottle that was on the dresser. “I reckon I may have fed him like a half hour earlier than we were supposed to, but he was getting fussy and I figured I’d give you a break.”

“Well that’s because he knows his daddy is always going to be there to pamper him,” she continued to stroke her fingers through Joel’s hair. It was unbelievable how good of a father Joel turned out to be. Even with being as busy as he was for the people of Jackson, he always made sure to be there for Brayden. Even though parenthood was exhausting, she was thankful that Joel was the person that she got to share it with. Overall, Joel was a phenomenal father and husband. Without him, she was certain that she would have driven herself crazy. “I love you so much, you know that?”

“I love you too,” Joel lifted his head to stare up at her with exhausted, hazel eyes. When his eyes connected with hers, everything in the world seemed to fall into place for her. Joel was everything she could ever want and more. Lowering down, her lips collided with his and she delicately kissed him. The coarse hairs from his short beard tickled at her face and it made her smile against the kiss. When Joel noticed her smiling, he softly chuckled against her lips and hummed. “What?”

“You’re just…so perfect,” she declared, sliding her palm down over the side of his chiseled face. Appreciating his features, she knew that Joel was everything she could ever dream of. When she first met Joel, everyone labeled him as the handsome, grumpy, closed off brother to Tommy. Never in her wildest dreams did she ever think she would be married and have children with him, but here they were and she was so thankful for it.

“I think you may be a little biased,” Joel winked at her giving her another small peck against her lips before giving his attention back to their sleeping son in his arms.

“You should sleep sometimes you know. You work your ass off. What is Jackson going to do if you collapse from exhaustion?” she inquired, palming in over his muscular shoulders and over the planes of his upper back.

“If something was going to happen to me from sleep exhaustion, it would have already. In the last twenty years, it would have already happened with how much shit I’ve gone through,” Joel denied her claim with a snort. Pulling Brayden up closer to him, he pressed gentle kiss over his son’s forehead and sighed. “I think I’m actually used to not sleeping. In the past, I’d have so many nightmares that I hated sleeping. I got used to it. Now, I’m just afraid of going to sleep.”

“Why?” she frowned, lowering down to her knees beside the rocking chair and Joel looked to her with a saddened expression that made her chest hurt. Sliding her palm in over his thigh in a supportive caress, she tried to get him to open up to her in a calming way. “Joel?”

“Because everything is so…perfect,” Joel simply stated with a small shrug of his shoulders. It took him a minute to gather his thoughts. Biting at his bottom lip, he made it obvious that he was really having a hard time putting words together to make her understand. “My whole life, I’ve never had things go right, ever. I’m afraid that one day I’m going to wake up and this is all going to be a dream or something bad is going to happen to Brayden.”

“Oh honey, you can’t think like that,” she tried to hush him and Joel tilted his head to the side, his eyes tearing over as he thought about everything that had happened in his life.

“You don’t understand. Since I’ve been a teenager things have just been going wrong. You know I had Sarah as a teenager. I was a stupid kid that wasn’t thinking things out. Ya know? At the time, I knew I had to get my shit together and give the best life I could to my baby girl. Then her mother took off on me and ran away. I tried giving her the best possible life I could, but…” Joel found himself getting caught up in his emotions when he thought about his late daughter.

“You did the best with what you had,” she insisted knowing that she had many discussions with Tommy about Joel's past with his daughter. Even Ellie had opened up to her about what she knew when it came to Joel’s daughter that he had lost so long ago. Her eyes fell to the broken watch that he still wore on his wrist and it broke her heart to know that these thoughts were wearing heavy on Joel.

“But I still lost her. No matter how hard I fought for her, it wasn’t good enough,” Joel countered and a single tear slid down the side of his face. Trying to attempt to open up to her why he was feeling this way was hard because even he knew that he was complicated. “Then for the next twenty years it was just nothing, but shit. I would try, but something was always happening. It wasn’t until I got here in Jackson and I met you that it felt like for once something was going right. I wondered if I had died back in Colorado because you…you were too good to be true.”

Damn, that hit her deep. Instead of saying anything, she reached out to slide her hand in over his arm giving him a supportive grasp.

“I was a broken mess and I was pretty much an adoptive father. I figured I would come to the town; give Ellie a life here and then that would be it. I accepted that life. Then the most beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on suddenly has eyes for me,” Joel chuckled thinking back to when he had first arrived in Jackson. It was a few months before the two of them really had a good conversation, but their chemistry was almost immediate. “I couldn’t believe my lucky stars that someone like you was interested in someone like me.”

“You know, you were the one that asked me out first,” she teased him, poking him playfully in the ribs and he laughed. Almost immediately, he looked to make sure that their playful teasing didn’t wake Brayden up. Adjusting their son in his arms, Joel looked to her again and shrugged his shoulders.

“Yeah, but you made it very clear that you liked me. I just had no game. So, I didn’t know if I was stupid or not. So when I asked you out I was actually feeling like a total moron on the inside because I figured you might say no and I was wrong the whole time. From the moment you said yes, I knew that you were the one,” Joel stammered, a hint of a smile pressing in over his handsome features when he thought back to her past with him. “They say when you know, you know. Well that’s what it was like with me. The moment I made you laugh and smile, I knew that you were the one that I was meant to be with. It was like a horse’s back kick, it hit me that hard.”

“Leave it to you to come up with that kind of comparison,” she winked watching his nose wrinkling in amusement.

“I just meant I knew you were everything I wanted and more. I didn’t understand why someone like you would wanna be with a fool like me,” Joel recalled his thoughts from the past and his eyes surveyed over the ring he had been able to find when they went scavenging through a nearby city. They were just lucky that they knew someone who could make him a wedding band in the town. Getting married was a surprise. One that Joel never thought he would experience again. With his past, he closed his heart off from ever getting that close to someone again. But then everything changed when he met Y/N. “Then you said yes to marrying me and everything felt right. I had you…I had Ellie…and then this beautiful boy comes into our lives. God, I almost reckon my heart stopped on the spot when you told me that you were pregnant.”

“Tommy told me he thinks you passed out,” she informed him with a tiny laugh knowing that she had told Joel when Tommy was in their home. It kind of just fell out of her lips when she couldn’t get Joel to focus at the time. He was always so busy with everything that it was hard to make him think only about one thing. “He always teases that he had to catch you.”

“Well, I think you just almost knocked me right outta my boots,” Joel snickered, acknowledging that it did shock him. “I just never thought that it would be possible for me to have something like this. Happiness. Every night I sit here and wonder how I got so lucky to have you here in my life. The both of you. Ellie too. I worry that I don’t deserve you or any of you.”

“Joel,” she whispered, lifting up enough to palm in over the side of his face to get him to look at her. Leading him to her, she pressed a tender kiss over his lips taking her time to appreciate the chills it would give her every time she kissed the man of her dreams. “We’re lucky to have you. I can’t think of someone else I would rather share this life with. You…you’ve made me believe in second chances. You’ve made me believe in something more.”

“I just have lost anyone I have ever cared for,” Joel confessed, his eyes tearing over as he spoke and he found it hard to look at her when he admitted that. “Everyone I have ever cared for has gotten hurt or left me. That’s why I’m in here every night. I’m just so afraid…”

“And you have every right to feel the way you do. Life has been so hard, but I can tell you this. Since you walked into my life…you were the only thing that has ever felt right. You brought Ellie into my life and that kid is a pleasure to be around. Then you gave me Brayden and between the three of you I know what happiness truly is,” she explained with a quiet breath knowing that she was getting emotional as well with everything he was telling her. “I think our small little family here is going to do everything we can to take care of each other. We’ll do whatever it takes, just like we always have. I just know that every day I wake up thanking the world that I have you here in it with me.”

“I love you, so much,” Joel blurt out, his hazel eyes exceedingly serious when he nodded. “I just want to be the best father and husband that I can be. I want to give you the closest thing to a real life that I can. I want all of you happy.”

“We are happy. I don’t know if you realize it or not, but the only time that little man is happy is when he is in your arms. He knows who is daddy is and he loves you…so much,” she promised, getting up from where she was kneeling so she could lean over to press a kiss against his temple. “If you’re worried, after tonight we should move his crib into our room until he’s old enough to be alone. That way you can feel safer knowing he is with us.”

“You’d be okay with that?” Joel asked for confirmation and she nodded slowly. Of course she was okay with that. Nothing about that would bother her. Carefully, Joel pulled himself up from the rocking chair and moved over to put Brayden back in his crib. Standing at the edge of the crib, his large fingers wrapped around the sides of it while he watched his son sleep. “I worry about things because when I was a father last time, I was young. Now I’m fucking old.”

“Joel,” she laughed, moving in behind him to wrap her arms around his muscular body. Taking advantage, she managed to press a kiss over his shoulder since he was slouched down enough for her to do so.

“I’m serious,” Joel chuckled while her right hand caressed over his the center of his bare torso, teasing her fingers through the dark hairs that covered his body.  When she traced over the puckered flesh where his scar was, it made him look down at her fingers. After keeping Ellie safe and being able to have this family, all the scars on his body almost felt worth it. All that pain he went through was worth it to have the family that he now had. “I’m an old fart.”

“You are the only person I know that has the amount of energy that you do. I’m pretty sure you could outrun a lot of the kids in town here Joel. I don’t know how you do everything that you do, but your age is not a factor that I’m worried about,” she assured him, sliding in beside him and he loosely wrapped his arm around her shoulders while they stared down at their son. “Plus, I already know you’re an amazing father. That’s one thing I will never doubt.”

“I hope so,” Joel sighed pulling her in closer to him while they watched their son sleep. “I can make him another crib. I’ll go down to the basement so we’ll have two. I was carving him one of my horses, but I suppose I can stop to give us something more useful.”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” she knew that Joel’s workshop got moved to the basement as soon as they had their son together. This room was full of wooden sculptures before and half made acoustic guitars, but now it was their son’s bedroom. Still, some of Joel’s sculptures he had done helped lighten the room for their little boy. “Are you ready to get some sleep?”

“Just a little bit longer,” Joel sighed wanting to be with his son for a few more moments before they would go back to bed. Wrapping both of his arms around her, Joel squeezed her tight to him and kept her in his arms firmly. “You are the first person who has made feel like I’m not alone in a very long time Y/N. I hope you know that. You gave me the greatest gift of all time and that was a second chance at life. I love you and I always will.”

[ijustwant2write]

Disappointments-Male!Gay!Shelby!Reader x Shelby Family

(GIF credit to @frillmag​)

Tags: @captivatedbycillianmurphy​ @bloodorangemoonlight​ @haphazardhufflepuff​ @mzcrazy2​

Requested by anonymous : 'Hey, do you write for male readers? If so, could you write a fic about either one of the Shelby brothers having a gay son, or being one of the Shelby brothers and being?? Maybe being Finn’s twin brother and being gay? If not, that’s okay. It’s just hard to find male reader fics. P.S. your writing is amazing! 😙’

Characters: Finn Shelby x Reader (brothers), Polly Shelby x Reader (aunt), Thomas Shelby x Reader (brothers), John Shelby x Reader (brothers)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: Homophobia, swearing, mentions of sex, violence, guns, fluff

                                 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"You're getting worse at sneaking in you know. It's just sloppy now." Finn startled his brother who had been doing just that. 

(Y/N) sighed as he shut the backdoor that lead to the kitchen. Finn was sat at the table, a cup of tea in his hand, already finished with his breakfast. He was loving this. But what person didn't enjoy seeing their sibling potentially get into trouble?

“Is Polly about?" (Y/N) asked, still staying quiet. 

“Going behind her back once again?” Finn didn't lower his voice, smirking at his brother's distress. 

“Shut up you prick! Just help me out here, please. It's not like you're a Saint round here.”

Footsteps coming down the stairs panicked (Y/N), desperately trying to think of a way out of this. He had been out on a long night out, meaning he was still wearing his fancy clothes and his head was throbbing with a hangover. The smell of Finn’s cooked breakfast still lingered in the air, which made (Y/N) feel both sick and starving. As Polly got nearer, (Y/N) grabbed a towel drying in front of the stove, wrapping it around his shoulders before trying to comb his hair down with his fingers. Finn tried to hide his sniggering as Polly entered the room. 

“Eh, where have you been?” Polly immediately asked.

“I've been down here, with Finn.” he lied. 

“Why have you got a towel around your shoulders?”

“Left my dressing gown upstairs.”

“You Shelby boys think you can blatantly lie in front of me and get away with it. Where were you?”

(Y/N) groaned, flinging the towel off his shoulders.“Out, enjoying myself for once.”

“You know you should tell us where you are, in case-”

“-in case anything happens, I know. But whenever Finn goes out, he doesn't get questioned!”

Polly glanced at the floor."We've been through this." 

“Because I let men fuck me?” 

Polly's head whipped up, her eyes wide.“(Y/N)!”

Finn ducked his head slightly. This was all fun and games at first, but it always lead back to this. His brother was right. They wanted to know where he was to make sure no one recognised him as a Shelby when he went there. And if anything broke out, he could be taken away from the scene before someone used him to mock the Peaky Blinders. 

“Just don't mention this to your brothers. They've got enough on their plate at the moment.” Polly snapped.”

(Y/N) stood from his seat, scoffing as he left the room.“Not that Finn or I would know anything about that. We're the disappointments of the family, remember? They don't want us anywhere near them.”

(Y/N) held back his frustrated tears as he washed his face in the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror as the droplets ran down his face. This was who he was, but sometimes he wished he could be like his brothers, any of them. Over the years he had desperately tried to ignore that side of him, tried to find a girl he could put up with. At first, he thought it would be easier than he thought; he easily spoke to girls, he could be flirty if he wanted, and he was Shelby so it wasn't hard to convince them to coke home with him. However, as he thought about a life with a woman, he found himself turning up his nose at it. He just couldn't bring himself to go through with it, even the thought of a small kiss made him uncomfortable. 

As he left the bathroom and headed to his room, (Y/N) smelt a cooked breakfast again. This time it didn't make his stomach churn so much. Entering his room, he realised the smell was coming from there, and his confusion was resolved when he spotted Finn perched on his bed, a plate of food on his lap. 

“Pol left hers. So, thought it shouldn't go to waste.” Finn said, holding the plate out to (Y/N). 

A small smile graced (Y/N)'s lips as he took it.“Thanks.”

He sat up against the headboard of his single bed, starting to eat as Finn made himself comfortable. 

“I'm sorry about what I said earlier. About us being the disappointments.” (Y/N) rudely spoke with his mouth full. 

“It's the truth, innit?” Finn shrugged. 

“They'll take you on, Finn. You'll soon be running around doing jobs for them.” 

“What about you?”

“Let me outside into the public, letting people see the homosexual Shelby brother? I don't think so.”

Finn knew he was right. He hesitated before asking his next question.“(Y/N)...how did you know that you...liked men?” 

“I just...find them attractive, the same way you like women, I guess. I always thought that maybe I was jealous of how they looked. Maybe it was the way they held themselves. But at a party one night I...”

“You told me about this. You kissed a boy.”

(Y/N) sadly chuckled.“Yeah. In the moment it felt right, I could tell that this was who I was. But as soon as we stopped, I felt sick. I mean, could you blame me? I was fifteen and still terrified of our brothers. I just started imagining being kicked out, left on the streets, people would come after me because I like men, thinking that cause I'm a Shelby that it would effect the family. Our family doesn't give a shit about us.”

Suddenly the door opened, Polly stood there with a hand on her hip.“Right, you, get dressed. Your brothers want to see you.”

She swiftly closed the door, leaving the boys in silence. (Y/N) was the first to make noise as he bit into a piece of toast. 

He swallowed before speaking. “Guess I was wrong about what I said before.”

The boys were suited up before meeting their brothers at Charlie's yard. They were gathered around a fire pit, Charlie and Tommy smoking, no one noticing the boys until (Y/N) cleared his throat. They felt nervous, they always did when summoned by their older brothers. For so long they had both wanted to please them, make the family name proud; Finn still did, (Y/N) on the other hand couldn't give less of a damn.

“Right, we can start.” Tommy cleared his throat as he put out his cigarette. 

“Lovely greeting as always, Tom.” (Y/N) muttered. 

“Leave it (Y/N).” John warned. 

“You're all here to execute the plan.” Tommy started.“You've all been given your instructions, today is the day we carry them out.”

“Tom,” Finn interrupted,“we haven't been given any instructions.”

Everyone looked towards the youngest, but Arthur smirked.“Don't you two worry, we've got something for you.”

The boys had to stand there and listen as Tommy went over everything, ensuring that everyone knew what they were doing. None of it made sense to them, they were trying to figure out where they fit into all of this.  

“You two,” Tommy finally referred to them,“you're going to go to the family's house, make sure they stay there.” 

“How?” (Y/N) asked. 

“You'll come up with something. But make sure none of them leave, do what you have to do.” 

Everyone was dismissed, immediately knowing what to do. (Y/N) and Finn glanced at each other, obviously annoyed that they were left with the task of stalling. What on earth were they supposed to say to keep them from leaving the house? 

As they walked down the street address they were given, (Y/N) and Finn huffed, shoulders slumped as they approached the house. 

“We're really moving up in the ranks, aren't we?” Finn moaned. 

“I don't give a shit about ranks or impressing Tommy.” (Y/N) scoffed. 

Finn glared at his brother.”Yeah, well, some of us are expected to carry on the family business.”

(Y/N) just rolled his eyes, stopping in front of the door. He knocked on it, shoving his hands in his pockets as he stood beside Finn. The door opened to reveal a middle aged woman, quite plump with her hair in a (once neat) bun, cheeks red and she looked out of breath. 

“Oh, Mr Shelby...and Mr Shelby.” she panted out, the sound of screaming children answering why she looked tired. 

(Y/N)'s body tensed up as he recognised her. He was here last night, this was the house he was brought back to with that man...she obviously didn't know about that, but (Y/N) silently panicked at the thought of his one night stand seeing him here. 

“We're here to talk about your protection payment.” Finn started. 

She shrugged.“We don't pay for that anymore.”

“We know. That’s the problem.”

“Look, the kids need feeding, I don't have time to chat.” 

She started to shut the door, but Finn stopped it.“We're in no rush. We can wait inside.”

The woman knew it wasn't a suggestion, it was a demand. She didn't hide her anger as they walked in, scurrying off to her children in the kitchen, shouting for their food. 

“She must know her husband is going to die today.” Finn whispered.“He's been an arse hole for months now, to us and her.” 

(Y/N)'s heart was racing.“Finn, I might wait outside-”

“What you talking about? We're fine here.” 

“Just to cover more ground.” 

“We only need to be here. Stop messing around.” 

“For fucks sake Finn, I was here last night!” (Y/N) harshly whispered. 

“What?”

“I came back here with a boy last night. This is his family!” 

Finn chuckled, trying to keep quiet.“Oh this is brilliant.” 

“Shut up, no it's not!” 

“Is he still here?”

“How the fuck should know?!”

“Look boys,” the mother returned,“I don't get involved with this side of things. This is all to do with my husband.”

“Then you don't know what he's been up to?” Finn alluded.

“No?”

“Finn, don't say anything.” (Y/N) whispered.

He sighed.“Got any tea?” 

(Y/N) couldn't relax at all, hardly touching the tea the woman was forced to make. Finn seemed to be relishing in the small power he had. The children were outside playing, their squeals, giggles and bickering echoing out. Finn made the woman stay in the kitchen with them, not trusting her to somehow rush off and save her husband, not that she would be able to find him. (Y/N) had scenarios racing through his head, wondering if the guy he slept with would be home at any minute. It was killing him thinking that he had been here already, and the woman didn't even know.

“I'm back. Could only get a small loaf today, baker's struggling. Something to do with having the wrong flour?” an all too familiar voice rang out as the front door opened. 

(Y/N)’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets, loathing the menacing grin on his brother’s face. He scanned around the room, wondering if there was someway he could hide his face; he even thought about leaving through the back door, but (Y/N) knew he couldn’t leave Finn behind. It was too late anyway, because his one night stand was right in front of him. He too froze in the doorway, rustling the paper bag as he gripped onto it.

“What do you think you’re doing boy?” his mother scolded him, snatching the bag of bread out of his hand as she stood.“We have to make this last the week!”

He didn’t respond, his eyes still on (Y/N).“What are they doing here?”

“Your father is ruining our lives again.”

“That still doesn’t explain why they’re sat in our kitchen.”

“Here on business.” Finn piped up, glancing at his pocket watch.“Shouldn’t be here much longer.”

“What have you done with my dad?”

He wasn’t in shock so much, it had turned to anger, and it was directed at Finn’s cockiness. But Finn loved this, he felt like his brothers did when they had the power. Sipping on his tea, he took his time to answer, only making the son impatient.

“Dunno. Our brother’s are dealing with that.”

“You son of a bitch-”

The son swiftly moved towards Finn, but (Y/N) instinctively lunged in front of his brother, holding the man back. The woman screamed, grabbing a rolling pin and hitting (Y/N) on the back. He yelped out every time he hit her, until Finn easily took it out of her hands, giving her a fierce glare that made her shrink.

“He needs to stay outside. (Y/N), make sure he stays there.” Finn ordered.

“And if I don’t comply?” the son quipped back.

Finn opened one side of his coat, revealing his gun.“There doesn’t need to be anymore death today.”

The woman gasped, backing further into the counter away from Finn. (Y/N) just sighed, rolling his eyes.“There’s no need for that. Put it away before you give her a heart attack.”

The man shoved (Y/N) away, glaring at Finn as he made his way outside where his brother’s and sister’s were. (Y/N) followed, panicking slightly as he left through the gate and into the back alley that lined the small yards.

“Don’t worry, I’m not running off. Just didn’t want to argue in front of my siblings.” he huffed, leaning against the stone wall and crossing his arms.  

“Understandable.” (Y/N) muttered.

“So, you’re killing my dad today?”

(Y/N) didn’t answer, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Oh, so now it’s the silent treatment? You’re doing a better job of that than last night-”

“Alright! Look, I don’t actually know what my brother’s are doing.”

“You going to shoot all of us after they’re done?”

“No! You lot haven’t done anything. My brother’s wanted me today, they never usually do, and as usual, I am never involved with any planning.”

“But you go along with it anyway?”

“When you have a family like mine, you do as you’re told. It causes less drama.”

“Fuck having a family like yours.”

“That’s something we can both agree on.”

The man scoffed a laugh.“So, last night, you had no idea you would be here today?”

“No.”

“You weren’t using me to get information for your brothers?”

“I would never do that.”

“Thought you said you do as you’re told?”

“Oh, shut the fuck up! I liked you last night when I was drunk but now you’re just really fucking annoying.”

“Good thing we didn’t want to take this further. Bet you don’t even remember my name.”

“Obviously not worth remembering.”

“It’s Jack!”

Their bickering was interrupted by a woman’s scream coming from the house. This caused silence over the children too, who after a few seconds started screaming themselves or crying out of fear. Jack tried to rush past (Y/N), but the Shelby boy held him back, pinning him against the wall. Jack was strong, but (Y/N) had the upper hand of wielding a gun. Jack hesitated, thinking about how he could get out of this, though he didn’t know how ruthless (Y/N) could be. 

They stared at each other, frozen in that position with the gun digging into Jacks’ neck. (Y/N) wasn’t sure what to do. On jobs like these, they would usually be done by now, but this was a mess. As he was trying to come up with a plan to calm the situation down, the sound of a door slamming startled them, luckily the safety was still on the gun. Finn burst through the gate, a scowl on his face as he saw the pair.

“Having a repeat of last night?” Finn spat.

“What have you done to my mother?!” Jack writhed under (Y/N)’s hold.

“She’s fine, unharmed. The children are inside with her. (Y/N) we can go.”

“So he’s dead then?” Jack pushed (Y/N) away as soon as his grip loosened.

Finn turned around, ready to start walking away.“Thought you would be happy. He sounded like a terrible person.”

“I am. I’m angry that you came here and terrified my family, you peaky scum.”

That made Finn halt in his steps. He loathed anyone disrespecting the family name.“What did you just call us?”

“Finn, it doesn’t matter. Let’s just get back to the others-”

Finn spoke over (Y/N).“He’s being disrespectful. That was a very stupid thing to do, especially since there’s two of us, and one of you.”

“Finn, we don’t have to do anything. Let’s. Go.”

(Y/N) quickly walked away, leaving Finn behind. His mouth dropped open in shock at his brother’s actions. How dare he leave him behind?! Finn turned to deal with Jack, only to have him spit on the floor before returning to his home and family.

Finn had a go at (Y/N) the whole time they were walking back to the shop. He kept going on about holding up to the family name, making sure that no one stood up to them. (Y/N) didn’t respond. He didn’t want to follow in his brother’s footsteps. Who would want to be part of this dynasty? If he had to hurt people like that again, he would tear his hair out. He hadn’t done anything directly to that family, however, being a part of the problem was still bothering him. As they entered the shop, Finn was still rambling on, catching the attention of the rest of the family.

“Oi!” Tommy yelled to shut up Finn.“What’s going on?”

(Y/N) lowered his head.“Nothing-”

“(Y/N) walked away from someone who deserved a beating.” Finn frowning.

Tommy rolled his eyes.“Did you do the job?”

“Tom, you’re not going to do anything? You always lecture me about-”

“No, Finn. Now is not the time. Answer my question.”

“Yeah. It’s fine. She stayed put.”

“Good.”

Finn just huffed at Tommy’s dismissive attitude, slumping into a chair as the eldest brothers started talking with Polly. (Y/N) stayed put, crossing his arms over his chest.

“So why didn’t you throw a punch? Scared to hurt your pretty little face?” John cruelly teased (Y/N) as he split from the group.

(Y/N) didn’t respond.

“Come on, (Y/N). Why so quiet?”

“John,” Polly warned,“leave your brother alone.”

“He’s no brother of mine.” 

John had always made his opinion about (Y/N) known. The young boy wasn’t stupid. He knew his older brothers didn’t like him, though John was the only one that said it out loud.

“Don’t worry Pol,” (Y/N) started,“they’re not my brothers either.”

“Stop it, both of you.”

“Why should I? I get this shit from them everyday, but the moment I stand up for myself, I’m the one who’s in the wrong.”

“Because you’re wrong. It’s not right what you...what you do with men.” John argued.

“What I do is none of your business!”

“It is when you’re a fucking Shelby and a Peaky Blinder!”

“I didn’t want to be either of those things! I always stay out of the way of you guys, but for some reason, you always want me to be a part of it! To keep up with your image? I don’t think so.”

(Y/N) wasn’t going to stay a moment longer. The arguments always ended up the same, he would always be outnumbered, and he wasn’t going to deal with it again. As he left, only Polly and Finn called out to him, not surprising. He made a beeline for his home, rushing upstairs to pack everything he could into a case. Small Heath was never his home. He never felt right here. He would get on a train tonight, find somewhere to go, anywhere but here, it didn’t matter. He wouldn’t be known anywhere else. (Y/N) could make somewhat of a start to his life. No more links to the Shelby name, no more links to the Peaky Blinders.

People stared at (Y/N) as he lugged his suitcase through the streets. They were all wondering where the young Shelby was headed to. His breathing was heavy as his heart beat raced. He was only young, he didn’t have much planned past getting on a train. This was crazy, it didn’t make sense to do this, yet it felt right to (Y/N). He knew he had to leave this place and his so called family.

“(Y/N)!” He heard Finn scream out.“Wait!”

(Y/N) turned to see his brother running towards him. He was probably sent to bring him back. Well, he wasn’t going easy.

“Where are you going?” Finn breathed out as he stopped.

“Anywhere that’s far from here.”

“You...you don’t know?”

“It sounds crazy-”

“It is!”

“But you know I can’t stay here much longer. I’m miserable. I can’t keep tiptoeing around our brothers, or face their judgement any longer.”

“Then, you’ll be needing this.” 

Finn dug into his jacket, pulling out wads of cash rolled up. He pushed it into (Y/N)’s hand.

“Finn, no, I can’t take this.”

“Yes you can. Besides, it’s not mine.” he smirked.

(Y/N) chuckled in shock.“You took this from the shop?”

“Anything to help my brother out.”

(Y/N) tucked away the cash, sighing as he looked at his brother.“You’re the one thing I’m going to miss.”

They hugged, patting each other on the back.“I love you brother. I know I’ve not always...agreed with what you...what like, but I’ll always be here for you. If you ever need any help, just call.”

“Thanks Finn. And if you ever need to get away from this place, you can come stay with me. Wherever that is.”

“So, what are you going to do, once you’re settled?”

“I don’t know. But whatever I do, it will be better than the future Tommy had for me.”

“You’re braver than I am.”

“No, I’m not. I’m just smarter.”

He winked at his brother as he picked up his suitcase, both of them laughing as (Y/N) started to walk away. (Y/N) wished he had longer with Finn, a proper goodbye would have been nice. But if he stayed any longer, his brothers would somehow force him to stay. He was on his own now, he had to be an adult if he was to make it on his own and never come back. (Y/N) just hoped that this really was the right choice, and that he wouldn’t come crawling back. The only way from here was forwards.

[wiener-soldiers]

so, you’re real - tommy shelby

summary: while high off his ass, tommy shelby is approached by a mysterious woman offering him something more valuable than drugs: information. your services become essential to how tommy conducts business, but your anonymity means he can’t help but fall in love with you from a distance.

words: 5.4k

pairing: tommy shelby x fem!reader (race non-specific)

warnings: tommy shelby. that’s the warning.

a/n: first tommy fic :D he’s one of the most beautifully complex characters ever in television imo but that also means his kinda nightmare to right. so,,, he might come off a little ooc because he’s very soft!tommy in this. i also wanna write a tommy fic based off ‘why’d you only call me when your high’ by arctic monkeys for obvious reasons.

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Tommy Shelby could count the number of people who’s seen him high as a kite on opium with three fingers. Arthur was the first; he drukenly stumbled into Tommy’s room instead of his own one night and the smell of the pipe sobered him enough to start asking questions. Tommy shoved him out and by the morning, Arthur was too hungover to remember a thing. The next was Polly; Tommy stumbled down the stairs as he was high around three in the morning once as he searched the house for more booze. Polly watched from a distance as he sat himself on the kitchen table and wept, squeezing his eyes shut and covering his ears with his hands. She chose not to mention it the following morning, but a perscription for morphine found its way to Tommy’s desk a few days later.

The third person... was you.

You didn’t know the Shelby’s personally. You were the assistant of a local Small Heath accountant that dealt with Birmingham’s most infamous clients: local coppers, factory owners, politicians, even gangsters. Your boss was known as the Devil’s Safe—nothing that came in went ot without the client’s consent.

But you weren’t a saint. Being so close to his office at all times and knowing far too much about where the most influential people in Birmingham got their money and where they spent it, it was nearly impossible to keep your mouth shut.

So, you didn’t. At a price, of course.

You quit your job and created a small network of spies that could feed you information about anyone or anything at anytime, using your knowledge about the Devil’s Safe as leverge. You charged whoever could afford for your services, coppers and criminals alike. Some self-righteous copper tried to shut you down once. Keyword: tried. There were too many spies all over the city to try to arrest (that is, if he could find grounds to arrest them), and you were too important to too many important people that arresting you would likely have him assasinated.

That, and you tipped him off about a corrupt police captain who had been trading orphans for cash. It got him a promotion and you a protective shield over your dealings from the coppers.

Tommy first met you at the races. You were hanging off the arm of Roberts, Billy Kimber’s advisor, and he briefly caught your eye before returning his gaze to Grace who stared at him lovingly. He didn’t know it then, but you were analyzing him. His posture, his facial expressions, how he spoke to Kimber, and most importantly, his books that Roberts happened to have a copy of. Nothing went unnoticed by you. The Shelby’s were starting to cause ruckus all over the city and you were interested. But, to maintain your facade, you snuck a few kisses to Roberts’ neck to distract him from your snooping.

When Tommy returned to the table with the bag of cash his brothers had collected from the Lees, you were gone.

---

The second time he sees you, he isn’t even sure if it’s you.

It’s late at night as he approaches The Garrison when he notices Polly standing with another figure in the alley. He slows his steps and silences his breathing, trying to catch the end of your conversation.

“You’re sure this is where she is?” That’s unmistakingly Polly’s voice.

A soft chuckle rips through the air and Tommy suddenly wonders what your voice sound like. “There’s only so many women carrying a newborn and looking that terrified of what may be behind her,” the other voice says. It’s not soft or angelic, Tommy notices. Nothing likes Grace’s. It’s deeper, smoother, and he can almost hear the smirk in her voice.

“How do I know you’re not lying to me?” Polly asks back skeptically. Tommy has the common sense to realize she’s talking about Ada who had gone into hiding after Freddie was arrested. Polly hadn’t been able to stay in the same room as him for very long since.

You pull out another envelope from your coat and teasingly dangle it in front of her. “Here’s the list of all of Ada and Freddie’s known addresses. The Communists have them move every few weeks; the address I gave you is Ada’s current address. Go there tomorrow from seven to nine in the morning. Ada’ll still be in bed and Karl will still be asleep. Then, you’ll know I’m right, you’ll give me the full payment, and I’ll give you the rest of the addresses.”

Tommy is slightly stunned at what he’s hearing. They had been trying to look for Ada for nearly two weeks to no avail, but this woman was able to find her that easily?

The woman turns to walk away before Polly can respond and in the street light, Tommy can make out the outline of your face. It was so brief that he couldn’t tell if you were actually there or if he imagined your face in the darkness.

Polly doesn’t notice him as she makes her way back inside the pub. The following afternoon, Polly is pounding on his office door saying she’s found where Ada had been hiding.

---

The third time he sees you, he’s sitting in the empty Garrison with a bullet wound in his shoulder, whiskey coursing through his veins, enough meloncholy and anger to swim in, and a broken heart.

Billy Kimber was dead. Campbell was gone. But, so was Grace.

It was a series of emotions he hadn’t felt in a long time: relief, then anger, then happiness, then frustration. Then the shovels started. Then, it all got too loud and he slipped his opium pipe into his coat pocket before going to The Garrison to drink his sorrows away. He had never taken the pipe out of his room before. In that state, he didn’t care.

He doesn’t really know how you got in; he had angrily yelled at everyone to leave the bar when the night was late enough for him to feel emotion and locked the door behind him. Maybe I didn’t lock the door right, he thinks. In reality, you had picked the lock.

“I could’ve told you she’d been working with him,” your voice calls behind him. He’s still hunched over his drink, the pipe lying next to a nearly empty bottle of whiskey. He didn’t need her to clarify who she was talking about.

“You could’ve, eh?” Tommy mumbles dangerously. He felt light, but his eyes and his heart felt heavy. He hated the feeling. Oh god, he hated it.

“Hmm,” you hum back, taking a seat next to him. You reach behind the bar and pull out a bottle of gin and poor yourself a drink. Tommy watches you do so. You don’t look like you pity him, in fact, you don’t even look at him. Instead, you focus your attention on the drink.

After taking a sip, you reach into your coat jacket and pull out an envelope, slidding it over to Tommy. You had clearly seen the opium pipe that still had smoke coming out of it, but you gently pushed it out of the way so the envelope rested in front of Tommy’s drink.

“What is this?” he asks, still too high to think straight.

“Consider it a resume,” you quip back, taking another sip of your drink as you study the collection of liquor and spirits on the back shelf of the bar.

“For what?”

“My services.”

“You a fuckin’ whore? You think that’s what I need right now, eh?”

“What I think you need right now, Mr. Shelby, is a sense of security. To be ahead of the enemy. I can give that to you,” you reply smoothly, barely flinching. Tommy notices your voice doesn’t falter even at his jab. He begins to sober up, finaling looking at you.

You had an air of mystery and intrigue. Your eyes looked all-knowing and the corner of your lip was quirked. A white blouse was tucked into a deep red skirt with your black wool jacket overtop of it all. If he was a different man, he surely would have taken you home.

“Why are you telling me this?” he finally asks.

You look back at him, the smirk on your lips growing. “Because I quite like your family. Polly is quite intelligent and Ada is a delight. I also know far too much about you, so it’d be a shame if someone paid be good money to tell them everything there is to know about you. But if you came to me first, there wouldn’t be much of an issue. The rate for ratting out one of my clients is ridiculously high.”

So, it had been you with Polly that night, he thinks. “You’d work for me?” he asks again, tone getting more serious. The last time a woman worked for him, it didn’t end particularly well.

You laugh and Tommy is momentarily stunned. It’s a beautiful laugh that appeared in an awful moment. “I don’t work for anyone, Mr. Shelby.”

And then you left. Tommy stares a the door for a few minutes after you’ve left, wondering if he had imagined your visit the whole time. When he turns back to his drink, the envelope you left behind is a sign that you had been real. He hesitantly opens it and his jaw unhinges at the contents inside: there were several documents, reports, and even pictures tying Grace Burgess and Inspector Campbell together. It seemed so plain and simple once it was laid out in front of him.

Under the flap of the envelope was an address as well as a rate of service. It was high, Tommy couldn’t deny it, but he also couldn’t deny how the pressure on his chest eased for a moment when he was with you. Even more so when you had left the address.

The next morning, a wad of cash from Shelby Company Limited shows up at one of your drop locations. It’s more than you asked for and quicker than you expected it to come. You smirk softly and get to work.

---

Tommy doesn’t see you again until he pays a visit to Sabini’s club a few years later as he works on his London expansion. He had been a client of yours for nearly two years now and he was continuosly impressed with your work. You literally had eyes everywhere; there wasn’t a place between Manchester and Brighton that you couldn’t get to. You had been the one feeding him inside information about Sabini’s operations in London, as well as how to get Alfie Solomon’s attention.

Despite all this work, he hasn’t seen you since you approached him when he was high in the empty pub. He gets all his information through courriers, telephone calls from messengers, and packages from drop locations all over the city. He asked a courrier once why he hasn’t seen you since.

“No one really sees her, sir. We just get orders in one way or another, we excecute them, and then money shows up. She doesn’t want anyone to tie her to her clients or the boots on the ground.”

“She’s clever.”

“She’s bloody brilliant, is what she is. She’s set up this system so bloody tight that no one really knows how it works except her. One lad up in Coventry tried to turn her in. Went missing a few days later.”

He doesn’t think about you often, but when he does, he’s reminded of that night in The Garrison; how mysterious and beautiful and dangerous you looked, how his chest seemed less tight with you around. Maybe he’s imagined it. Maybe it was the opium clouding his vision. So, he pushes those thoughts away because as far as he’s concerned, you’re an enigma.  Hell, he doesn’t even know your name and he’s been paying you big money and giving away too much of his plans.

But he sees you that night when he and his brothers storm Sabini’s club. You’re sitting on a fancy velvet lounging chair, tucked under the arm of what Tommy assumes is a wealthy banker or socialite. You don’t see him (not yet, at least) but Tommy sees you. All Tommy sees is you. The smoke that flows out of your nostrils as your lips curl at whatever attempt at humour then man with you made draws Tommy in. So does the cut of your deep blue, satin dress. He knows it then, that you’re real. That you’re not a figment of his imagination.

“This place is something else, innit?” Arthur remarks as they make their way deeper and deeper into the club. Tommy is still drawn to you as his brothers gawk at the permiscuous behaviour around them.

The party atmosphere doesn’t last long however, as the boys make a show out of trashing the place. Tommy makes sure to put on a performance, to play up the fear. When he shouts something along the lines of being on a holiday, he happens to catch your eye and the first thing he notices is the smirk playing on your lips. He’s first confused as to why but he understands: you had a large part of the London expansion and you also likely knew that Tommy was going to be there that night. You weren’t there with a man. You were there to see him. You were there to see his reckoning.

The image of you tattooed itself onto Tommy’s brain and the feeling he felt in his chest was something he craved to feel again.

---

The next morning, the brothers stumble into Ada’s home, uninvited. Their younger sister begrudgingly lets them in, still clad in her nightgown, and hastily tells them to keep their noise level down as Karl was still sleeping.

It doesn’t last very long.

“You shoulda seen their bloody faces, Ades!” John hollers, mouth full of biscuits and tea. Ada hisses at him for spewing food across the table.

“Didn’t know what was coming, the lot of them,” Arthur adds, already taking a sip from a flask. He was barely sober from the night before and it wasn’t even eight in the morning. “Fuckin’ Sabini, Ada. He won’t know what’s bloody comin’.”

“Sabini, eh?” Ada plays along, still slightly annoyed but now intriguied. “You didn’t happen to hit up his club last night, did you?”

“’Course we did!” John snickers. “What’d you think we’d do, start small?”

Ada’s facial expression suddenly changes into one of slightly more concern. Arthur and John don’t notice, but Tommy does. “I was hopin’ you would,” Ada plays it off but Tommy notices.

“Ada?” he asks, voice stern but eyes curious. His sister was intelligent, so much so that her mouth was as good at getting her out of trouble as it was getting her in it. Tommy was sure that there was more than what she let on.

“Tom?” Ada says back, not meeting his gaze and instead taking a bite out her toast and jam.

“Why’re you so hung up on Sabini’s club?” Tommy asks  directly, slowly getting tired of his sister’s semantics. He mommentarily understands how Polly feels when he keeps things from her.

Ada sighs, having also attracted attention from her two other brothers. She sets down her toast and looks directly at Tommy. “You saw her, didn’t you?”

“Saw who?” Arthur asks, booming voice too loud for the sudden change of tone in the room. Ada grimaces but still stares at Tommy.

Tommy knows exactly who she’s talking about. But he wonders how Ada does.

“I did,” he says simply.

“Who’re you talkin’ about?” John asks next, looking between his siblings. Arthur shrugs at him.

“Did you say anything to her?”

“No.”

“Good,” Ada says too quickly. Tommy narrows his eyes at her.

“For God’s sake!” Arthur says again, slamming his tea cup back down onto the table. “Who in the bloody hell are you talkin’ about?”

Ada rolls her eyes and continues eating and Tommy is left to stare at his brothers. He wants to answer. He wants to answer so badly. But he doens’t even know her name.

“I—” Tommy trails off. He’s rarely rendered speechless, but he is when it comes to you. Who were you? Why did Ada know you? Why can’t he get you out of his head? Why does he hope you’re standing there in the shadows every time he steps out on the street?

“You? You what, Tom?” John asks this time, equally as exasperated.

“He doesn’t know and it should stay that way,” Ada says simply. “She offers you a service, you pay her, end of transaction. Stay away from her Tommy, I mean it.”

“What service?” John asks again, still getting more questions than answers.

Tommy sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “After Grace, she offered me a service. Cash in exchange for information. Said she knew that I needed a sense of security.” She was right, Tommy thinks but doesn’t dare say.

“Information about what, exactly?” Arthur asks, voice dropping an octave as he leans forward.

“Everything. Anything and everything. She knows everything. I don’t have the slightest clue how,” Tommy answers honestly, his own disbelief being obvious for the first time.

“She can betray us...” John warns, skeptical especially after Grace.

“She won’t,” Ada says simply.

“How do you know?” John challenges.

“She won’t,” Ada reaffirms with a glint in her eye. John immediatley backs down. Ada doens’t trust easily, especially after Freddie.

Tommy believes her. You know too much, far too much. More than he or you had bargained for. You also gave too much. Tommy asked for one thing, you gave him what he wanted and more. Tommy wanted a brief description of the shipping business in Bristol, you gave him an itemized list. Tommy asked you to keep an eye out for any potential threats, you gave him incredibly precise weekly reports. He asked people what your service was like as if he didn’t already know himself: you were never this thorough. He knew you wouldn’t betray him because you would have done it already. The question is, why did Ada trust her?

“You know who she is, don’t you?” Tommy asks his sister once again, doing his best to intimidate her. It’s no use.

“I do,” Ada says simply.

“Even her name?”

John scoffs. “You don’t even know her bloody name and you’ve got that look like you’re in love? Jesus, Tom! You need a good fuckin’, I’m telling you.”

Ada ignores her brother’s comment. “Even her name.”

Tommy gestures for her to elaborate and Ada hesitantly continues, “Polly paid her to find me after Karl was born. She found me personally, not through a messenger. We got along quite well, she was very honest about what she’d been hired to do. She gave Polly that information she was looking for, but we kept in touch. Personally, I mean. I like her.”

“Tell me her name, Ada.”

Ada makes a face of fake appeasement. “Can’t do that, sorry Tom.”

Tommy’s jaw clenches. “Ada...” he warns.

Ada’s glare mathces his own. “Her identity is all she’s got Tommy. The minute a client knows who she is, it all falls apart. For the love of God, for your safety and hers, don’t find her.”

And hell, does Tommy want not to listen. He wants to find you again. To see you. To speak to you. To learn your name. To feel the weight in his chest lighten once more.

But you remained impossible to find. Even with his London expansion, he wasn’t any closer to finding out who you really were than the day you first spoke to him at The Garrison.

So, he tried to push his thoughts away. He didn’t get so lucky.

---

He was used to receiving messages from you on Sunday evenings before the week began and Thursday mornings before the week ended. Sometimes, they’d be in the form of a phone call from a messnger reading a message written by you. Other times, he would visit a drop site where he picked up parcels of information and evidence you had collected. Fridays were paydays, so he’d get a Blinder to drop a parcel of cash (though they never knew it was cash) at a drop site and wait for a courrier with a blue ribbon pinned under the lapel of their overcoat to retrieve it.

All your foot solidiers and clients wore the ribbons. You avoided paper trails so everything was with symbols. Ribbon colours were a discrete way for both the client and the courrier to tell who was who. Clients wore white ribbons, courriers wore blue ones, messengers wore green ones, and red ones were used for emergencies.

That’s why Tommy panicked when a man burst into his office late at night the day before he was set to take down Sabini, urgently lifting his lapel to show his red ribbon.

“What’s happened? Are we in danger?” Tommy asks immediatley, standing up from his chair.

“No, sir,” the foot soldier said. They were never allowed to say the names of clients, only sir and ma’am. “I have a message from her. It was urgent and couldn’t have waited until Thursday.”

The man gives him a sealed envelope before bowing and leaving as quickly as he came. Tommy checks to make sure that he is alone before ripping it open. It wasn’t a message, but a phone number and the word clairvoyant scribbled quickly with fancy ink.

Tommy furrows his eyebrows but picks up his phone and dials the operator. The other end picks up immediately. He hastily says the number he wants to be patched through to as well as the word scribbled below it. The operator says nothing else and he hears the phone ring again before a female voice finally picks up.

“Mr. Shelby, I was waiting for your call.”

It was you. Tommy’s heartbeat quickens. You continue to speak, oblivious to his shock, “I don’t make calls myself unless absolutely neccassary. You don’t need to worry about privacy; I have connections with the operating center that patched you through. They won’t say a word to anyone, telling them that you called and they won’t be listening.”

Truthfully, Tommy hadn’t even been thinking of that. He was still slightly shocked that he was hearing your voice, the same voice as nealry three years ago. The opium fucked with a lot of things, but not his sense perception. Your voice was as beautiful as he remembered it to be.

He forces the thoughts out of his head and finally speaks. “What’s happened? Is there an emergency?”

“You aren’t safe at the races tomorrow. There will be an attempt on your life.”

Tommy is not entirely surprised. “I’m sure you can put two and two together; what I plan to do at the races is practically a suicide mission, dear. Of course there’ll be an attempt on my life.”

You scoff at the other end of the line. “Mr. Shelby, I’ll rephrase: you may succeed in your plan tomorrow, but something will catch you off-guard. Something big.”

“What is it, then? If you’re so sure,” Tommy challenges, but is taken aback by the silence.

You sigh, defeated at the other end of the line. “Mr. Shelby, I’ll be honest. An Inspector Campbell approached me this morning, asking for my services to give him everything I knew about you plans tomorrow. I took his money.”

Tommy’s jaw clenches. “You called me to tell me you’re a fuckin’ conspirator against me now, eh?”

“I resent that. There’s a reason I ask you not to tell me anything about your business aside from what I need to know to do my job,” you snap back. “Campbell gave me money to tell him information I didn’t have. So, I took the money and told him lies. He didn’t pay enough money to turn me against one of clients anyway and I don’t negotiate.”

Tommy laughs in slight disbelief, “You clever bloody woman.”

You can’t help but grin at the other end of the line. “He let it slip that he had something planned, though. That you weren’t getting out of this alive. Thomas, I don’t know what and I don’t have enough time to find out, but you needed to know,” you say before soflty adding, “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t tell you.”

Tommy nods solemnly before saying, “That’s the first time you’ve called me Thomas.”

You laugh and Tommy’s heart clenches at the sound. “Is that what you choose to focus on?” you ask, amused despite your worry.

“I’m not afraid of death. Not anymore,” Tommy answers.

“It’s a shame. There seems to be a lot in your life that’s worth living for,” you reply, your voice softer that Tommy’s ever heard it.

“Will you do me one final favour? Take it as my dying wish.”

“Thomas—” you start before he cuts you off.

“Can you tell me your name?” he finally asks, but he’s met with silence. He clears his throat and adds, “Please?”

You sigh at the other end. This is not how you were supposed to conduct business. Anonymity was the only thing keeping you from being excecuted at the hands of the Crown or a crime-boss. But here the feared Thomas Shelby was, asking as his dying wish to know your name. You don’t know him aside from your brief interactions and stories from Ada. But strangely, you trust him with the key keeping your identity safe.

“Y/N. My name’s Y/N.”

---

The following evening, Tommy trudges home covered in mud and blood. His encounter with the face of death was anticipated, but still left him scarred. Despite his success against the races and against Sabini, he felt trapped. With a success in the business, he still finds himself indebted to Winston Churchill. He’s exhaused of this cycle and in the moment, he embraced his fate just a little.

As he pushed the door to his home open, his eyes are immediately drawn to crackling fire. He hadn’t expected anyone to be home, as the family was staying in London with Ada to celebrate their successes.

So the sight of you, sitting on his couch and staring into the fire shocked the life back through him.

He takes of his hat and stares at you in slight disbelief. “So, you’re real.”

You turn to face him and the tension previously present in your features fell and the corner of your lip quirked upwards. “You’re alive,” you state the obvious.

“The Devil’s tried too many time to kill me, I’m starting to wonder if God does exist,” he says plainly, taking off his coat and taking a seat on the other end of the couch from you.

A small laugh escapes you. “He has jokes, does he?”

Tommy smiles softly but shakes his head and stares at you. “You’re really real. I was starting to think I was imagin��� ya.”

“Ada says you’ve been asking about me.”

“I have. She wouldn’t tell me your name, though.”

“You got it anyway.”

“Who’s to deny a man his dying wish?” Tommy darkly jokes again.

“I can’t go back to operating how things were. Even you knowing my name is too much,” you say softly, turning back to the fire. You were slightly frustrated with yourself. Years and years of building a network built around your anonymity destroyed by one man. Deep down, you felt that it was time.

“I wouldn’t tell anyone,” Tommy says simply.

“But you’d want to be in my life,” you say back, still not looking away from the fire. “I’m a woman, but I’m not stupid. I know why you tried to look for me.”

Tommy sits back and watches her. A woman’s never been more direct with him before. Even Grace, who had just asked him to lay with her one final time before moving back to America at the races, had never laid out what she saw so simply and bluntly before. She was right. Tommy wouldn’t tell anyone your name if you asked him to, but he would still want to see you. The only thing more painful than not knowing who you were was knowing and still not being able to see you.

“You could start again,” Tommy says. He barely recongizes the softness in his own tone, but he decides the change is good. “You could work for me, have your men join the Blinders if they wanted.”

“I don’t work for anyone, Mr. Shelby,” you say again cheekily, reminding him of the first time the two of you spoke. You turn to face him and stop to admire his beauty—how the fire cast beautiful shadows across his face, how the moonlight sparkled in his eyes.

“That you don’t,” Tommy hums in agreement, still looking at you. His gaze hadn’t left you since he came home.

It’s silent for a few moments before Tommy says, “Stay.”

“With you?” you ask in slight surprise.

“With me, in Small Heath, with the company—whatever you want. Just stay.”

“You barely know me.”

“Then let me get to know you, Y/N,” Tommy answers, finally saying your name for the first time. He loves the way it spills off his tongue and you equally adore the sound of his voice when he says it.

You nod softly, agreeing with his hearfealt proposition. The two of you spent the rest of the night staring into the fire, allowing your heartbeats and breaths come into sync as you slowly fell asleep.

---

It’s been five years since you had started working for Shelby Company Limited as Tommy’s senior advisor and security specialist, four years since your network of spies had merged with the Peaky Blinders, three years since you and Tommy got married, two years since you gave birth to a set of twins named Benjamin and Mae Shelby, and one year since you had also become a political advisor to your husband and his allies in Parliament.

With your years together, the Shelby family found you to be an intriguing, fascinating, and intimidatingly wonderful woman. They couldn’t comprehend how right you seemed with Tommy. They also couldn’t comprehend how involved you were in their success without them even knowing who you were. However, they love to poke fun at Tommy for basically falling in love with from two interactions.

You were currently at the Arrow House doing the final touch-ups to your makeup for the gala you were hosting in your home. It was a typical charity ball that made sleezy politicians look good in the eyes of their constituants, but you had pressured Tommy to allow you to host it on behalf of the Shelby Family Institute. He had been skeptical, but relented when you reminded him that it wasn’t about giving them a platform to look good, but using their ego to benefit the institute.

“I’ve put the children to bed,” Polly announces as she walks into the master bedroom. The room is obscenely large with a king sized bed in the middle, but Polly can’t help but feel pride every time she visits. It was the both of your hardwork that you got you here and she was proud. “Ben passed out almost immediatley, but you’re right about Mae. She’s a trouble maker.” 

You give Polly a smile through the mirror of the vanity you sat in front of, “Thank you, Pol. Really.”

“Where’s that bastard husband of yours?” Polly jokes as she stands behind you, inspecting her pearls in the mirror.

“His study, no doubt,” you joke with a slight smirk.

“The faith the two of you have in my is astounding,” Tommy says sarcastically, immerging through the en-suite dressed in his tuxedo.

Polly rolls her eyes and leaves the room, leaving the couple to stare at each other.

“You clean up well, Mr. Shelby,” you state, smiling as he approaches you. “Though I’m not sure if that’s because of you or your OBE.”

“Sometimes, I wonder if I should have continued loving you at a distance,” he comments humourously.

You laugh—a real laugh—and wrap your hands around his neck while his arms immediately find themselves around your waist.

“How’re you feeling, darling?” Tommy asks, referring to the mental and emotional preparation for the event that was about to start downstairs.

“I’m not the biggest fan of a lot of your colleagues, Tom,” you say honestly. “Their wives however...they give me thousands of pounds worth of information every sentence.”

“You never cease to amaze me with that mind of yours,” he tells you honestly.

“And you never cease to amaze me with how verbally affectionate you can be,” you quip back lightheartedly before Tommy softly kisses your lips.

“How ‘bout this?” he says once you pull away. “I take care of getting donations, you take care of getting more leverage on the labour bill I’m looking to pass.”

“Done,” you say with a smile before Tommy kisses you again. You begin to hear cars pull into the driveway when you try to pull away, but he keeps you close.

“Tom,” you giggle, breathless. “Tom, the guests are arriving.”

“I’ve waited for you for years, they can wait for you a little while longer,” he replies with a smirk before kissing you deeply once again.

[evermoreholland]

Paper Rings | Tom Holland

summary ❥ it’s your anniversary and you propose to tom with a song.

warnings ❥ fluff

word count ❥ 2,152

a/n ❥ you can listen to paper rings by taylor swift while reading this because this is obviously what it’s based off of lol. also, this was edited by my good friend @tefilovesreading! 

Today is your second anniversary with your boyfriend, Tom. The past two years have been the best of your life by far. You have had your fair share of relationships, but Tom took you by surprise in his love for you. You were a singer and it was difficult for you to pursue relationships, but Tom understood you because he has gone through similar. You would often write songs about your experiences in relationships. You have been writing a song for Tom for a while now and you thought that today would be a perfect day to show him.

Tom knows that he wants to marry you. He can’t imagine a life without you in it. He has been thinking of how he was going to go about a proposal for months now and he realized that your second anniversary would be the perfect time to confess his never-ending love for you and his commitment to be yours forever.

Tom picked out a ring for you many months before today, without your knowledge. The two of you had talked about marriage before, so a proposal wouldn’t be out of the ordinary. Tom called your mother, sisters, and even got his own mother’s opinion about an engagement ring for you. He finally found the perfect ring to propose with.

Tom made dinner reservations at your favorite restaurant tonight. He planned to spoil you the entire day, making sure that you knew that you were his queen.

Tom rises early. He lifts the blankets off of himself and steps out of bed. He tucks you back under the cover gently, not making a sound. He tiptoes to the kitchen to make you a cup of your favorite tea. He fills the kettle with water and then places it on the stove. He turns to the refrigerator to take out some of your favorite fresh fruits as a part of breakfast. He prepares toast as well and then he sets it all up on a tray to bring to your shared bedroom. He walks to the room and finds you still sleeping peacefully. He places the tray on the bedside table beside you and then leans to kiss your forehead. You were a light sleeper so the action woke you up almost instantly. Your eyes open and you see your boyfriend preparing something besides the bed.

“Morning,” you whisper. You toss and turn until you eventually sit up. “What are you up to?”

“Happy anniversary, my love,” Tom says and sits on the foot of the bed. “I made you breakfast.”

“Thank you, love. Happy anniversary.” Tom hands you your mug of tea and you take a sip. This was exactly what you need to start your day, which a warm cuppa. “This is probably the best cuppa I’ve ever had.”

Tom giggles at your compliment and he blushes. You just have that charming effect on him. “Well you are my best girl, aren’t you?”

You smile at your lovely boyfriend. “I guess I am.”

You and Tom eat the rest of your breakfast in bed together. Tom insists on feeding you to be romantic and you hesitantly accept. After, you put on a sundress that Tom purchased for you for today; a pink flowy sundress with strawberries on it. You match it with a pair of cream color wedges.

“You look beautiful, Y/N,” Tom compliments when he sees you walk out of the bedroom into the living room where he was sitting on the sofa waiting for you. He’s wearing navy slacks with a light blue short-sleeve button-down shirt. His hair is gelled back, which you hated because you couldn’t run your fingers in his beautiful chestnut-colored locks. “Absolutely stunning.”

“You look gorgeous too.” You walk towards your boyfriend and take a seat beside him on the sofa. You take his hand in yours and you can feel how sweaty his hand was, but you decide not to comment on it. To be honest, you didn’t think much of it anyway. “What are our plans for the day? I have something for you, but I want to give it to you later.”

You wrote Tom a song in an attempt to propose to him, and you were hopeful that he’d say yes. Although you did like tradition, you want to pop the question to your boyfriend, and what better way to do it than what you know best; music.

“Oh, you do? What is it, love?” Tom was not a fan of surprises and for almost every occasion he would try to pry his present out of you.

“You know that I’m not going to tell you,” you reply.

“It was worth a try. I was thinking that we can try strawberry picking,” Tom says and then kisses your cheek. “How does that sound, darling?”

“Sounds wonderful, Tommy,” you mumble. You kiss him and then get up from the sofa. You hold your hand out for him and say, “Let’s go, baby.”

“Let’s do it.”

The drive to the strawberry field was full of giggles, music, and love. You get to the field and Tom opens the car door for you, as per usual. He grabs the basket from the backseat and he guides you to the field. Tom takes photos of you dancing through the field and picking strawberries. He didn’t want to forget this moment, he couldn’t forget how beautiful and ethereal you look in this moment.

You get back home and wash the strawberries that you picked. You cut some up for you and Tom to eat. You gather by the sofa once again while Tom turns on your favorite film. You pull out your phone to text your best friend, Natalie, to set up the backyard for the proposal. Natalie and Harrison knew about your plan to propose to Tom and set up a stage for your small performance.

Tom cuddles beside you after he presses play on the television. “Who were you texting?”

“Just Natalie,” you answer vaguely. You didn’t want Tom to catch on or possibly find out about your plan. “Just chatting.”

“Ok,” Tom says, not buying it completely but he didn’t push. “After the movie, we’ll go to dinner, yeah?”

“Gotta show you something first, baby.”

“Tell me what it is,” Tom groans. He nuzzles his face into your neck and kisses it. “Please spill.”

“That’s not going to work with me, Holland. Now, let’s watch the film, silly.”

“Fine,” he says.

The film passes by fairly quickly. You clean up the living room with Tom, and then you tell him to wait in your bedroom until you text him to come outside. “Why must I wait in our bedroom, darling?”

“I just want to make sure that everything is perfect first,” you reply as if it were obvious. “Please don’t peak.”

“I promise that I won’t, angel,” Tom says and then kisses you. You cup his cheek and pull him closer. Your lips linger on his for a moment before you pull away. “What was that for?”

“I just love you, alright?” You choke up a bit. Thinking about what you were about to do made you emotional. You have never been in love with someone like you were with Tom. “You mean the world to me, Tommy.”

“I love you too, darling. You’re my entire world.” Tom always knew what to say and he gives you the reassurance you need. You pull away from him and walk towards the yard.

You finish setting up everything for the proposal and set up the projector for the slideshow. As the song plays, you planned on showing a slideshow of photos of you and Tom. You send a quick text to Tom telling him to come to the backyard. You hear him come outside and soon enough, he is standing in front of you.

He notices your display. He notices the decorated deck mimicking a stage with flowers surrounding it, white roses to be exact. He notices your microphone and speaker. “What’s all this, love?”

“I wrote a song for you,” you began, but you pause to rub your hands against your dress. Nerves were building up. “For our anniversary. It explains how I’m feeling.”

You see Tom smile at your explanation. “Let’s hear it then, baby. Whenever you’re ready.”

You prerecorded the acoustics and harmonies, so you would simply just turn on the speaker to play the music. “The song is called Paper Rings. I hope you like it.”

You turn on the speaker a pop upbeat sound fills the air and you immediately feel at ease.

The moon is high Like your friends were the night that we first met Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet Now I've read all of the books beside your bed

As you were singing, you think about the memories that you and Tom share. You remember meeting him at an outdoor pub. You were first introduced to Harrison, Tom’s best mate. They were stoned, to say the least, but it was still probably one of the best nights of your life.

The wine is cold Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street Cat and mouse for a month or two or three Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe

Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night (Oh!) Kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright Three times 'cause I've waited my whole life (One, two, one two three four!)

Tom looks at you like you’re the only woman in the world, yet he doesn’t know what your next lyrics would be. He didn’t know that you want to marry him as much as he did.

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want In paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams Oh, you're the one I want

He begins to pick up on what you’re telling him, and it warms his heart. His eyes begin to water as he watches perform for him. You look very gorgeous too.

In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool When you jumped in first, I went in too I'm with you even if it makes me blue Which takes me back To the color that we painted your brother's wall Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws We wouldn't be standing here so tall, so

Kiss you once 'cause I know you had a long night (Oh!) Kiss you twice 'cause it's gonna be alright Three times 'cause you waited your whole life (One, two, one two three four!)

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want In paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams Oh, you're the one I want

I want to drive away with you I want your complications too I want your dreary Mondays Wrap your arms around me, baby boy

You wrap your arms around yourself for emphasis and Tom giggles gently. He is crying at this point and you feel yourself tearing up too.

I want to drive away with you I want your complications too I want your dreary Mondays Wrap your arms around me, baby boy Uh huh

You sing the chorus once more, and you begin dancing along with the music and Tom couldn’t help but smile at you.

You're the one I want, one I want

You finish off the song and you do a little bow as Tom claps for you. You walk towards him and he wraps his arms around you. “I loved that, baby,” he whispers in your ear.

You look at him and notice the tears streaming down his face. You wipe them away and say, “So?”

“So?” He repeats, not fully understanding where you’re getting at it.

“Will you marry me, baby?” You ask.

Tom smiles and instead of answering, Tom reaches for something in his back pocket. He pulls out a velvet ring box and gets down on one knee. Tom opens the box to reveal a beautiful diamond ring. “Does this answer your question?”

“Yes it does,” you giggle. “I guess that we both had the same idea.”

“It’s not a paper ring, though,” Tom says, referring to your song.

“Well, I do like shiny things,” you joke. “I’d be honored to marry you, Tom.”

Tom slips the ring on your finger and stands up to kiss you. This moment couldn’t be more perfect.

“Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, lover.”

~

Tagging: @canwekissforever-hazzy @storybookholland​ @petesrparker​

[jkknight98]

My G/T promt challenge attempt inspiration.

This was my first attempt at ever doing a collective prompt challenge so it’s very safe to say I am a little nervous posting this story, especially since I suck at writing standard stories and fell back into my comfort zone, but I hope that everyone who reads enjoys it. It's from @bittydragon idea ( If I knew how to link the original post I would, but I am not very well versed in Tumblr writing yet).

The prompt was to have the tiny protect the giant, I was faced with two options that I could do, protecting the mental self vs the physical self. I chose protecting from the physical since a giant can easily protect the outside of their bodies, but their insides can be easily hurt without them knowing until much later.

Here’s Tommy protecting a gaint Wilbur from his own poor judgement plus interactions from the rest of the sleepybois inc.

Warnings : Blood warning, slight mention of regurgitating meal, soft vore, cursing.

(I have always viewed soft vore as a sfw interest but I know others may not so I’ll leave it out of the main collective tag just to be safe until I’ve been given the all clear to add it, but otherwise I’ll say its just an inspiration from all the wonderful work already posted through the challenge.)

G/T Prompt Challenge

Wilbur should have known that his habit of eating sand would come back to bite him one day, but who could blame him when he enjoyed the texture of sand crunching in his teeth and the feeling it made tumbling around in his stomach. It was supposed to be a normal day when the sands decided to strike back against him. He was just enjoying a warm summers day with his family at the nearby beach, techno was asleep under a umbrella while Phil was trying to keep his tiny brother Tommy from accidentally drowning himself by jumping from the giant's knee and then pinching them to make the man jump and create massive waves for the little gremlin. He couldn't hide his smile as he took hold of another handful of sand and let it fall in clumps into his mouth, not noticing the hidden treasure chest even when it landed in the middle of his tongue with the copious sand, he didn’t get a chance to chew the sand before his father yelled at him after seeing what he had done, swallowing the mouthful quickly before the giant avian could force him to spit it out,” Alright Alright Phil, I've had my two mouthfuls for the day.”

“ You shouldn’t be eating any, what are you going to do if you swallow something that isn’t just sand, what are we going to do then!”

Wilbur just laughed at his yelling father as he leaned backwards on his hands, smiling as he watched Tommy get his fathers attention again by using his feathers as a climbing frame, he shook his head at the sight. He really did love his mixed-up family.

~~

It wasn't until they were having dinner that night did they all find out the true dangers of his habit. They haven't been eating long, Phil chatting with Techno about who knows what while Tommy darted around the table pulling himself chunks of food from everyone's plate, Phil had learned quickly not to make one for Tommy since the tiny always said that everyone else's looked better, and Willbur was waiting for the next pass of the tiny so he could pull his target out of reach. He had pulled up a giant piece of pork away from the tiny, quickly stuffing it into his mouth and laughing as the gremlin child raged at him, he quickly chewed and swallowed down the meat as he dodged the tiny pea that was thrown at him, ” Come on Tomms, I know you have a better arm than that.” He continued to eat a bit more on his plate, subtly feeling how much he ate already before he stopped, feeling a touch of pain from his stomach.

“That's weird?”

“What's weird Will?”

His father looked at him slightly concerned when he had pushed his chair back a bit to look down at himself, taking a hand to gently place on his stomach, ” I don't know dad, my stomach just started hur-ghh.” The moment he put a slight amount of pressure on his stomach it felt as if something was ripping inside, the pain was bad enough that it nearly brought him to tears. He quickly pulled up his shirt to see if it was something on the outside, but the skin was perfectly clear with no signs of irritation.

“Wilbur walk me through what hurts.”

The avian was already up and at his side while Techno was holding Tommy at his other side, but still out of the way of their father, both looking equally as concerned.

“What's wrong with you big man, finally bite off more than you could chew?” The tiny looked as ridiculous as usual trying to act indifferent like the oldest, but it was easy to see the real concern hidden behind his normal snark.

“Oh shut up before I feed you to a bird Bratt, ” Wilbur stuck his tongue out at him before wincing again when he felt his fathers cool touch, ” hurts right where your pressing.” He watched as Phil's hand began pressing at different parts of his body, telling him about how the pain was worse in that spot, but could feel it throbbing into other areas.

He watched his father frown before he went to stand fully, he looked more concerned than he had before, but didn't voice anything to clue his sons into what he was thinking. The avain walked over to a side room to grab a small bucket and set it into Wilbur’s lap, taking care to not press it against his stomach, before sitting back in his chair to look at his son, ” I'm going to need you to empty your stomach a small amount, I don't want you to empty it fully just in case it's something I hope it's not, but I want to check just in case.

Wilbur felt a little annoyed at the thought, they were just eating dinner and now dad wants him to spit up half of it just because of a little stomach pain? “ Really dad I'm sure I'm fine, it's probably something stupid like I ate to big-.”

The avians wings puffed up in an attempt to show how serious he was to his son,

“Dont argue with me Will, just do it.”

Wilbur looked at the sternness on his father's face and sighed, ” fine, ” he began flexing the muscles he used for whenever Tommy used his stomach as his personal sleeping bag and nearly cried when he felt his stomach explode in pain again. It was as if every moment his stomach made was like it was ripping itself open. He only got a little bit into his throat before he had to stop because the pain was too much, quickly spitting the mouthful into the bucket and thrusting it into Phils arms as he leaned over and and gently wrapped his arms around himself, ” please don't make me do that again, it really fucking hurt.”

He didn't see the concern on Phil’s face as he looked into the bucket and showed it to his other two sons, Techno looking equally as concerned while Tommy looked confused. The tiny leaned further over the slightly tinted pink fingers and wrinkled his nose at the almost coffee ground looking substance that rested in the bottom.

“What is that brown stuff, Wilbur didn't eat any mud before we had dinner.”

The father figure kept up his concerned expression as he set down the bucket to run a hand through his hair,”That's because that isn’t mud, that's what it looks like when someone is suffering from internal bleeding.” Phil looked back at Wilbur's plate and the others quickly as he used his hands to feel for anything that could have been hidden inside,” I don’t know what you could have swallowed Wil, I made sure to not have any bones in anything.”

Wilbur just shook his head as it swam a little bit in pain,” I don’t know either, all I've eaten before it started hurting was dinner and the sand at the beach.” he gave another groan as his stomach gave another contraction and sent another wave of pain,” I'm just going to stall my system until we figure out what to do.” He closed his eyes to concentrate and felt the change gradually, his stomach calming and finally coming to a standstill to prevent the walls from churning at the rate that they were, no longer trying to digest the little bit of dinner he consumed.

Techno was the first to gently move Tommy to one hand as he used his other to gently grip his brother on the shoulder,” You sure you didn’t eat anything between our beach trip to now, nothing at all?” The piglin hybrid was clearly a little on edge, he was fully capable of protecting his family from the outside, but even he was powerless when a threat came from their own insides.

Everyone was a panicking a bit more as they tried to think what could be doing this to the musically inclined son before Tommy spoke up, the tiny brightening as he thought of a good idea in his mind,” Why don’t I go inside to check, I can go and see whats wreaking up your insides, that would work wouldn't it?”

The thought made Will turn a little green, ” I don't know if I could get you down with how bad it hurts,” he managed to make a teasing smirk though,” you sure you want to see that porkchop again.” He laughed at the face the tiny had made, but winced again when a flash of pain punished him for this action. He took a slow breath and tried to raise up as slow as he could, wincing as he got to his full sitting height,” are you really sure you want to do that, it’s going to be more gross than ever.”

The tiny just smiled as he pushed up his sleeves and held up his arms in a clear ‘pick me up’ gesture,” I can’t really protect you guys from the outside, but I am able to help you from the inside, besides a little gunk isn’t going to stop me from keeping my big brother safe.”  

The response brought a small smile to Will's face as he lifted the tiny,” alright you sap, let's get a plan put together before you go saving me from what's hurting me.”

`~`

Tommy stood in Will’s hand and gently shuffled the duffle bag on his shoulder that held a small knife and a small splash healing potion to reduce the damage before a proper healing potion could be taken, he looked up with another smile,” alright, let's get this over with before you get even worse.”

Will smiled lightly before opening his mouth, feeling his smaller brother clamber his way inside and curling up, and slowly closed his mouth and tilted his head back. He felt a mild wave of sickness at the thought of the heavy weight his brother would unintentionally create, but forced it away as he gave a quick swallow,using a hand to gently touch the firm bulge before it slipped behind his collarbone. He looked up to his dad and other brother with a weak smile,” let's hope he finds what's wrong and not cause any more damage.”

Tommy couldn’t help the soft noise of disgust as he slid into the stomach, landing in knee high mix of the stomach's contents, but he also noticed a strange glowing that was coming from what he suspected to be the front of Willbur’s stomach. He was quick to wade his way over to the object, also taking note of a few other things that shouldn’t have been there floating in the muck. “When did he manage to eat chainmail….oh my god.” Sticking out the stomach wall that looked very inflamed under the shiny purple glow was an iron sword, the handle looking a little worse for wear like the armor but the blade looked perfectly fine as it held firmly in the slowly bleeding wall. Tommy was momentarily shocked before he went to inspect the wound, wincing as he yelled up to Wilbur to inform him what he found.

Wilbur heard the tiny voice of Tommy yell out at him, listening for a moment before looking at the two other giants in pure confusion,” He found a sword sticking into me, as well as chain mail armour… when the hell did that get in there.” He jerked and gave a loud yelp as the pain in his middle got more intense before he felt the normal tingling of a healing potion,” You could have warned me before you pulled it out you little shit.”

Phil was the first to slap a hand to his head,” we were on a beach next to the ocean, you probably ate a buried treasure without realizing, this is what you get for eating sand all the time, be thankful tommy was here or else things could have been way worse.” The elder left the room quickly with a yell on how he's going to get a large healing potion to ensure the wound would fully heal once the youngest was released. The second eldest looked at Wilbur with a small smirk as he got up, giving a quiet ‘ I told you so’ before also leaving the room.

The remaining son sighed as he placed a hand over his stomach, softly rubbing where he felt his tiny brother was leaning,”Let's get you out of there Toms.”

`~`

“I really can’t thank you enough Tommy, if what you were saying was true, there would have been no way for us to get that sword out on my own. Also what enchantments did it have on it.”

Tommy smiled up from his cosy position in a towel placed on Wilburs chest, snuggling further into the softness and warmth the two provided together,” It had unbreaking on it, it would have taken you ages to digest the thing, and you would have to go through so many healing potions since you couldn;t heal around it.”

The elder nodded and placed his hand over the towel as he laid his head on his pillow, using his thumb to stroke the tiny in thanks,” what would I do without you, you little gremlin.” He smiled when he felt a small pair of arms wrap around his thumb tightly and pull it to rest on the tiny’s chest where he could feel the gentle breathing.

“ You wouldn’t be able to shit, someone has to protect you giant bastards when you think nothing can hurt you, especially things at my size.”

[peakascum]

I Walk The Line (Pt.2/3)

There is one more part so stay tuned! Also want to give a very special thank you to @amysteryspot​ and @peakywitch​ for guiding me through this and helping out! I hope you all enjoy and stick around for the third and final part.   |  tags/moodboard?  |  pt. 1  |  pt. 3

He’d thought about his wife all day, more so when he received a call to get home at a reasonable hour. To a childless home, nonetheless, seeing as they would be taken care of by Polly. But that was early in the morning and the suggestive smirk he sported dissipated into a frown as the day went by.

Clients and money and assholes wearing him down. Then your ten or so phone calls to pester on about his tardiness. You knew you were being clingy and it frustrated you to no end. But Peggy awoke a more feral and greedy side to you. A side that you’d only seen on lonely housewives whose husbands traded nights in for a trip to the whore house. But John wasn't like that. A loyal soldier to the end.

And if so, if you'd been correct and sure in your faith in him, if he were sure of his loyalty and eagerness to see you at the end of each day, why did he find himself plastered in the Garrison at ungodly hours?

John had been on his second glass of whisky when the doors to the pub opened and in walked three women, two of which worked in his house, one who unsuccessfully seduced him just two nights ago. Peggy fluttered her lashes at him as she made her way to the bar.

“Mr. Shelby,” she greeted with a slight nod.

“Peggy,” he nodded back, “surprised the missus let you out early.”

“It is Friday, sir. Even shrews are not all bad.” She giggled. He frowned. “Oh hush, don’t take offense. ‘M only joking.”

“Well, who's this John, eh? Looks like we haven't been introduced.” Arthur intervened, slapping John’s shoulder.

“Peggy, sir.” She extended her hand for him to shake.

“She works at the house, Arthur, surely you've seen her around.” John said, taking a gulp from his glass.

“Would've remembered a pretty face like this.” Arthur replied, making her giggle.

“You think I’m pretty, eh? Must be a Shelby thing.” She said, causing Arthur to raise a brow at his brother. The latter only stared at the sweaty glass in his hand. He was tired and it was late, home was calling. But Arthur persuaded for one more drink and Peggy whined that the night was just starting. Tommy broke out a new bottle and music seemed to pipe in out of nowhere. An hour more will do me no harm, he thought. Then I’ll go home, he convinced himself.

One glass turned into four. Chuckles turned into full blown laughter. Shoe tapping turned into dancing. And soon the prospect of going home was pushed away from his mind. He didn't mean it. The job was stressful enough as it was and the deal was almost closed. Taking care of four children was rough, even with all the help they had. The house was getting crowded and so was his mind. Distractions- that is all he craved for.

Peggy pouted and whined as she tugged on his hand for one dance, just one dance and then he could leave. He complied.

“What is with your frowning Mr. Shelby?”

“Lost in me head, ’s all.” He twirled her.

“Step out of it, just for a while. Let me take care of you tonight.” She purred in his ear, still following the music’s rhythm.

“You take care of the house all-“

“Oh John, come off it! Not the house. The house has troubles, so does the business,” she whispered close to his ear and touched his temple delicately, “so does your head. You need a good distraction.”

“I’ve got plenty-“

“You've got none.” She cut him off. “I’m good. I could be good for you. Surely being with someone younger would be more pleasing. More distracting.” She carried on.

“On what grounds are you suggesting I need younger?”

“On happiness, Mr. Shelby. Or rather a lack of.”

“I’m plenty happy.” He huffed as she giggled.

“Your house is dismissed and your wife is alone, yet you're here dancing with me, holding me close.”

My wife, he thought, my wife is waiting for me. He stared into Peggy’s eyes, his own cloudy as whisky danced through his veins. Heart thundering in his chest, my wife is at home waiting for me.

Arthur and Tom had been exchanging looks all evening. One glass too many, they thought.  They were unloyal to their partners many times- John wasn’t. And although the times suggested men had to have their freedom in order to be happy they knew that some, their brother, were only content with one.

Alcohol lowers inhibitions and makes one slow. In their slow-moving paces they had misjudged the speed in which real time happens. And as their brother stopped dancing, as his eyes fogged and the wires ticked in his head, the doors to the Garrison slammed open.

There you stood with flushed cheeks and droopy eyes, scanning the room for your husband. Arthur cursed quietly and made his way over to you, “Y/N, love, we werent expecting you t’night!”

“Bet you werent,” you sighed looking over his shoulder, “I’m looking for my husband.”

“John?”

“Yes, John! Are you daft?”

“Just drunk, love. Why don’t ya’- why don’t ya’ sit, yeah?” Arthur stammered in a drunken manner as he tried to lead you to the side room.

“Arthur, no. It’s late. I just need to-”

“Just wait for him here-” He kept pushing you.

“Arthur- Arthur!” You raised your voice and furrowed your brows at his persistence, “Where’s John?”

Arthur dragged his hand through his hair in frustration, “Arthur, where is my husband?” You begged once more, eyes scanning his glassy ones.

In that precise moment you heard John’s name being giggled. He had seen you come in and tried to push Peggy away discreetly so as to not drag any attention his way. She insisted, grabbing at his suit and keeping his hands firmly on her waist. To her it was just a game.

“Pe-Peggy let go, now.” He insisted.

“Johnny, please no. Lets just go through the back.” She whined.

In between the tugging, the pushing and hushed pleadings, John looked to his far right and locked eyes with you. He saw a flustered Arthur attempting to shield him from view in an attempt to help him, yet unknowingly making him look far more icnriminating.

“Y/N,” he whispered quietly, arms going slack.

You made your way over in a slow pace, making your your heels would knock sharply against the wooden floorboards. Shoulderblades pushed back, head held high, and a darkness to your eyes that made John feel as if the room grew terribly cold, a dreadful picture of a torn woman with a temper problem. Peggy noted John’s deflated stare and turned around to encounter you, the lady of the house.

“Mrs. Shel-”

“You will get on the next available train and out of Birmingham. I don’t care where you go. I see you here tomorrow and I swear on my grave that I will cut your eyes out and feed them to you like grapes.” Your stare was cold, hard and determined, but your eyes gave you away. They pooled in silent emotion and unmatched confusion that could only be described as heartbreak.

“Y/N,” John muttered louder.

“Go f-fuck yourself John,” you whispered brokenly.

tags: @theshelbyclan​

[hb-writes]

My Person

Some people have been asking for some Clara and Isiah and a little something came to me while listening to ‘Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?’ by Arctic Monkeys. Once I started writing, it strayed from that a bit and I’d still consider this very much platonic but I hope you like it!

Summary: From the Little Lady Blinder universe. It’s 1925. Clara and Isiah haven’t talked in weeks but after a drunken night filled with a break up and scrapping in Small Heath, Isiah insists on going out to Arrow House to see her. 

Featuring: Clara Shelby, Isiah Jesus, Tommy Shelby, Finn Shelby, Charles Shelby

-----

Because Clara was awake far later than was wise, reading by the light of the small lamp on her bedside table when she should have been asleep, she heard the rumble of a car engine out on the front-drive, the sound distinct and seemingly louder because of the quiet that descended upon Warwickshire at this time of night.

She’d made it down only two steps when Tommy crossed the foyer, giving her a quick glance as he kept moving to the door, Clara’s eyes drawn to the gun in his hands.

“Go back to bed.” 

“Who’s—?”

“Clara, get up the fucking stairs,” he answered, the words inching towards a shout. 

Tommy kept walking, turning his head towards Clara once again, this time only long enough to see her lift her foot, finding enough satisfaction in that small movement that his sister would cooperate with his command.

Clara couldn’t see anything from the foyer, the hall leading to the front door much too dark, and in Tommy’s absence, she drifted down a few more steps, leaning over the rail for a better look.

She started when the front door slammed against the wall and Tommy stalked back into the room, locking eyes with Clara for a moment, shaking his head as he went to put the gun away. Clara took a few more steps before Tommy came to the bottom of the staircase.

“Who’s—?” she started.

“Is that upstairs, then?” Tommy asked, hand extended to gesture towards the spot where she stood.

Clara glanced at the placement of her feet and then back to him, shrugging. “I’m up the stairs from you.”

Their eyes pulled from one another to the boys, to Finn and Isiah, as they came through to the hall, stumbling a little, the both of them clearly a bit drunk.

“See, Finn, told ya she’d be awake,” Isiah said, pointing up to her and leaning an arm over Finn’s shoulder. “Put us off for a night with your stories, eh Clara?” 

They were the first words Isiah had directed at her in weeks and Clara wasn’t sure how to respond. She had indeed passed the evening after her nephew was asleep alone in her bedroom with a book, that much was true, but it wasn’t why she’d declined Finn and Michael's invitations in the first place.

Clara cleared her throat and settled her eyes on Finn, decided on speaking to him rather than Isiah. “You two idiots had a cup too much an—”

“Enough. Charles is asleep. Get the fuck to bed,” Tommy said. “All of you.” 

“We came for dinner, Tom,” Finn said. “We’re fucking starving.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow as he glanced at his younger brother. “Well now, you’ve missed that by about nine hours, Finn.”

“Chef’s probably left something,” Clara answered Tommy, taking a step. “At the very least there’s a bit of chocolate cake. I could—” 

“They boys can feed themselves,” Tommy waved them on before turning to his sister. “You go back to bed. And actually do it this time, eh?”

“Why have I got to go to sleep if they haven’t?”

Tommy was growing impatient with the kids, impatient with this particular interruption to his evening because even being as close as it was to two in the morning, and regardless of whether he was usually awake at this time or not, these hours were the hours he filled with distractions entirely of his choosing. And he’d certainly not chosen to be dealing with his sister’s smart mouth and the boys’ whiskey addled brains. 

He was about to give her an answer, ready to tell her that his giving an order didn’t require her to ask any questions, but they were saved from the shouting match it would have quickly devolved into by Charles’s arrival at the top of the stairs. 

“Dad?”

Tommy took a deep breath, rubbing his face with one hand as he beckoned the boy forward with his other. “C’mere, my boy.”

Charles came down a few steps but never made it to his father, stopping to hug Clara’s side, her arm fitting over his shoulders.

“Who’s here?” Charles mumbled as he settled his head against her.

“It’s just Uncle Finn and Isiah,” she answered.

Charles glanced around her looking for the older boys. “Why?”

“Well, my sweet sleepy boy,” Clara squeezed him a bit as he yawned. “They came to spend the night because they want to play with you bright and early tomorrow morning,” she said. “You should wake them extra early. Lots of shouting and jumping, eh?” 

Charles grinned as he looked up to her. “You think they’ll want to ride horses?”

“Hmmm, you know, I think they’d love that, Charlie. A brilliant idea.” 

Charles looked to Tommy. “Can we, Dad?” 

Tommy glanced at his sister, snorting a bit at her smirk, the small bit of devilment she’d shown in planting the seed in her nephew’s head, the seed which would result in a bit of hell for the boys in the morning when Charles called on them. 

“We’ll see about that in the morning,” Tommy answered. “Let’s get you back off to bed.” 

“Can Aunt Clara come for a story?” Charles asked. 

“One story,” Tommy answered, grateful his sister didn’t fight when Charles tugged on her hand, grateful she left her arguments and defiance on the staircase. 

-----

It had taken two stories to get Charles back to sleep and though Clara wasn’t tired, she hadn’t gone back to her book, instead electing to lie awake in her bed and stare at the small sliver of moonlight passing through her windows while she listened to the boys come down the hall, finally finding their way to their rooms after several moments of hushed chatter.

She was unsurprised when her door was pushed open though it was nearly an hour later. It was why she was so intent on resisting sleep, because she wasn’t just lying there with no purpose. She was waiting. 

“You shouldn’t be in here,” she said as Isiah came through, his eyes immediately finding hers in the dim room.

He didn’t seem so drunk now, the couple of hours and the food he’d probably consumed settling him a bit, the effects showing on his composed features.

“I want to talk.”

Clara snorted. “You came all the way out to Warwickshire for a chat?” she said. “Doesn’t your girl talk to you, Isiah?”

“She’s not my girl,” he answered. 

Oh. The word was only a thought in Clara’s mind but Isiah read the understanding in her face, her lips subconsciously taking the shape needed if she were to voice it, and he twisted the knob before pushing the door closed, nothing more than a soft click sounding off as he did it.

“Well, I’m sorry to hea—”

“You’re not,” he answered. “You never even tried to like this one.” 

Clara shrugged. “Either way, no reason for you and Finn to drive out here drunk. We could’ve waited, chatted about your woes with the girls of Small Heath without endangering your life and risking one of you getting arrested.” 

Isiah sat down on the edge of her bed. “One of the new boys drove us.” 

“Well, good. I’m glad to hear it.” Clara nodded, pulling her robe tighter. “But you really shouldn’t be in here. Tommy’ll kill you.” 

“Will he?” Isiah asked. 

Tommy hadn’t yet, though he hadn’t ever really come across Isiah and his sister together in quite that way either, every instance of them being caught together someplace her family would probably kill any other boy for being had been so innocuous that the Shelbys had nearly come to believe what the pair consistently insisted, that there was little more than a close friendship between them. 

“Why is it whenever you can’t find a girl to bring home from the pub, you come find me?” 

“We needed to talk.” 

Clara met his eye and took a deep breath. It had been a long couple of weeks without talking to Isiah. She slid across the bed, offering him some space by the headboard. Slipping off his boots and dropping them to the floor with a solid thump, he joined her at the head of the bed, picking up the book on her nightstand and glancing at the title in the small bit of light through the window. 

“So this is why you couldn’t come out with us, then?” 

Clara shrugged, focused on the braid over her shoulder as she sat cross legged facing him. “Didn’t think you’d really want me there.” 

Even before they’d rowed, Clara hadn’t wanted to be around the boys so much, not when all they wanted was to go out with the girls from the factory, with Millie and her friends. She’d been avoiding Isiah in general, claiming an extra bit of school work and Tommy’s insistence that she spend more time with Charles was keeping her home at Arrow House when in truth, she just wasn’t feeling up to facing him. 

Clara wasn’t often like that after an argument with him, wasn’t often distant or aloof after the initial flare of emotion subsided, but then again, she was often the one who did the shouting, the one who left the other person a bit peeved or hurt, the one who needed to take the first step and do the apologizing. 

And though she’d done her fair share of shouting the last time they spoke, it was Isiah’s words that stung and it was Isiah’s tone that left Clara’s heart a bit melancholy. 

“You were right.” Isiah glanced at her. “What you said about Millie.” 

The tightness in Clara’s chest released a bit as she took a breath. 

“You won’t believe me but I am sorry, Isiah,” she said. “I know you liked this one.” 

Isiah shrugged.

“Not like it’s your fault,” he said. “You tried to warn me off of her. I should have listened when you told me there was someone else. Would’ve saved myself from this.”

Isiah flexed his hand and Clara caught sight of his knuckles. 

“Christ, Siah.” She leaned over him to switch on the lamp and pulled his hand into hers, looking it over.

“They’re just bruised,” he said, nonchalant, his hand left there, the fingers of his right hand draped over her palms though he flinched when she drew her thumb over the tender skin. “You should see him.” 

Clara glanced up and saw the red mark on his cheek. “I hope he looks worse than you.”

“Of course he looks worse than me.” 

“You shouldn’t go picking figh—”

“I didn’t,” he said. “Not that it wouldn’t have been deserved, but it was actually Millie who brought it all about. I was ready to let it be.” 

“It’s good I didn’t come, then.” 

Isiah raised an eyebrow. 

“We’d both have bruised knuckles,” Clara answered. “I don’t know I’d have been able to stop myself.” 

A light snort escaped before Isiah sucked in his bottom lip, tilting his head a bit as he met Clara’s eye. “You know, I didn’t mean what I said that day, right? I was just mad.” 

“You did mean it,” Clara answered, looking away from his face, down to the hand she was still cradling in her lap. “And you were right, I suppose… Well, half right, at least. I said what I said because it was true and I didn’t want you hurt but...”

Isiah smiled. “Miss Clara Shelby, are you in love with me?”

Clara pushed his hand away and glanced up to him at the end of her eye roll. She’d wanted to say something clever in return but instead found herself just missing the warmth of his hand as she mumbled. “Siah, you’re my…”

They both struggled to find a word to describe what they were to one another, even after all this time, a decade or so of various labels unable to do them any proper justice because nothing seemed to catch all of the different elements, all of the moments, all of the meaning. 

“Person?” Isiah finally said and Clara gave him a small smile. 

“I suppose,” she answered, because she did suppose that was it. Isiah was her person, a little bit of everything to her, as he always had been, a bit beyond her best friend, not quite like a brother though she considered him family in every way that mattered. “Even when you’re so infuriating I’d like to have one of my brothers chuck you in the cut.”

“You’d miss me if you did,” Isiah said. “Just like I miss you when you decide to hole yourself up all the way out here.” 

“You were avoiding me too.” 

Isiah shrugged. “I shouldn’t have said it. Shouldn’t have yelled at you.” 

“I was jealous though,” she answered. “Always am when you find yourself a new girl, a new...” 

Clara focused on picking at the covers of her bed.

“Person?” he said, guessing again. “You really think one of those girls could push you out?” 

Clara shrugged. 

“I imagine someday one of them will,” she said. “I just hope it’ll be the right one when it happens. Someone I can get on with well enough. A nice girl who’ll help keep you in line and let us stay friends.” 

“Christ, Clara,” he answered, grabbing for her hand, squeezing once despite the pain it caused. “Don’t be worried about that.”

He had been annoyed when he called her jealous, put off by her constant derogatory nagging about Millie Clarke, a bit triggered by her telling him she was seeing someone behind his back.

“I never should’ve said it.” Isiah tugged on her hand. “Come here.”

Clara shifted so she was sitting beside Isiah against the pillows, her cheek resting against his chest as his arm fit over her shoulders. 

“It will happen someday, Siah,” Clara said. “And it should. You’ll fall in love and things’ll change.” 

“Yeah, well, whatever happens with that doesn’t change this,” he answered. “It’d be a bit of a waste, yeah? To let some girl push you out after all the nagging and sassing and trouble you’ve put me through?” 

Clara elbowed him. “Don’t be a prat, Siah.” 

“See what I mean?” he continued. “Why would I just toss out ten years of elbows to the stomach for a girl who doesn’t even know how to properly push me about?” 

Clara glared up at him but took thing no further, settling against his chest once again. 

“And I can’t imagine there’s another person on the face of this earth who looks at me like you do.”

“Like you’re an imbecile I can’t believe has made it to the age of nineteen on his own?” she answered, though that wasn’t right, not nearly close to being it, because the way Clara and Isiah looked at each other, whether it was a glare or accompanied by a laugh through crinkled eyes or with a pooling wave of tears, was something different altogether. It communicated something that no one really ever put words to, something neither of them ever really tried to describe. 

“Like you’re my person,” he said. “A right pain in my arse, but my person, nonetheless. and I’m sorry for shouting at you and for not properly hearing what you were trying to tell me.” 

Clara didn’t answer him right away, thinking over his words, contemplating the relief she was feeling for the first time in weeks.

“I think I’m meant to be comforting you,” she finally mumbled, her head still there against his chest. “You’re the one who’s been dumped.” 

Isiah’s body rose and fell beneath her as he took a slow, deep breath and Clara looked up to watch his face though he was deliberately looking to the ceiling. Isiah played at being the cheeky womanizer, played at wanting nothing more than fun and chaos and lust but Clara knew there was a bit more to Isiah than that.

“I’m alright, Clara,” he said.

“You’re not. You’re upset. You want to talk about it?” 

Isiah finally met her eye and shook his head. “Not right now. How about we just read a bit?” He reached for the book on her nightstand, holding it open between the two of them. “You can go first.” 

“I don’t think you’ll like this one,” she offered. “It’s a bit romantic.”

“What’s wrong with a little romance?”

“Nothing. I just thought what with Millie and all, it might not be the best choice of material,” she said. “Seeing as you’re a bit-”

“Enough deduction. Just read to me, eh?” 

“Fine, but you’ll let me know if you want to talk about it?” she asked. 

Isiah nodded, shifting a bit to get more comfortable against the pillows. Isiah closed his eyes as he settled, resting them for a moment, and Clara still studied his face, continuing with her investigation in peace now that he’d closed his eyes.

Isiah squinted an eye open at her. “You gonna read that book or just sit there staring at my beautiful face all night?” 

He coughed as her elbow once again found his side.

“So much for you comforting me.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you liked me throwing elbows and pushing you about.” 

“I never said I liked it, just that I’m too invested at this point to go tossing you out.” Isiah sighed, rolling his eyes. “Though maybe I should reconsider, let Mickey and Finn fight it out to be my best mate. Michael’s probably as good of a reader as you, probably got more better taste in books anyway.”

“Give me that.” Clara snatched the book from him and started reading without offering a rebuttal, the two of them falling asleep atop the covers before the chapter came to a close.

-----

Read more Little Lady Blinder here.

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[angrylizardjacket]

it's in the blood // this is tradition

Summary: Children inherit all sorts of traits from their parents. Not all these traits are good.

"My reputation preceded me before I was born."

[ charlotte & lola au ]

A/N: 2292 words. Halsey's new album killed me on the spot. i talk a lot about the next gen being mirrors of their parents, but i'd like to go into detail about that not necessarily being a positive. @misscharlottelee this made me feel things. i love these kids.

Warnings: overdose mention, addiction discussion, mentions of drug abuse.

Penelope Dingley-Lee

Tommy can count the amount of times he'd seen Razzle truly angry on one hand, and here and now he can see it again, written all over his neice's face. He'd thought she would look like Charlie when she's angry, and occasionally she does, the way her lip curls derisively, dismissively, that's very reminiscent of his cousin, but here and now, her blue eyes are hazy, cloudy, and her lips twist with an irate arrogance that is worryingly familiar.

Angry and high and wearing clothes that don't quite match, in this moment she's exactly her father's daughter.

She's been in the papers again. Her tits have been in magazines again. Tommy bites down on his instinctual desire to repremand her; she'd call him a hypocrite, call him an old man, tell him to keep his opinions to himself while she could still buy his sex tape out of a shady car boot down the street.

Charlie was like that too, on occasion, wit too quick for him to keep up with. When she got into a mood like this, Tommy didn't have to worry so much; usually Razzle would egg her on, but knew when to pull her back.

"It's my god given, motherfucking right to go feral -" he'd heard Charlie back in the eighties holler at three in the morning, high on amphetamines and waving a gossip rag above her head. Razzle would be on the sofa, equally fucked up, but gazing at her like she hung the stars in the sky.

"Lola gets photographed at least once a month stark naked along the strip like it's a sport, why is my Playboy shoot a national crisis?! My tits are fantastic!"

"They are, my love," Razzle nods seriously, and Tommy pulls his pillow from beneath his head, trying to either block out their voices through the thin walls, or maybe smother himself. The girl beside him, the groupie whose name he doesn't know, asks blearily why there's so much yelling. Tommy doesn't answer.

A week later, Tommy is the one to bail out Charlie and Razzle for public indecency, and they're both beaming from ear to ear.

Here in the present, Penny is draped out on the sofa, laughing low and pleased as she watches TV.

"TMZ blurred out my tits," she snorts, "cowards."

"Penny..." he can't help the faintly disappointed notes in his voice when he says her name.

"Thomas, I've read The Dirt," Penny fires back venemously. Hypocrite he hears in her tone, you have no power over me.

There's something hollow in her eyes in the photos he sees of her in the papers. She wears her father's inflluence and her heart on her crushed velvet sleeve, on the arm of a shallow, pretty, band boy who plays badly and loudly. But she laughs louder, though tthe sound is low and unconvincing if anyone bothered to listen hard enough, and Tommy wonders if he has enough dark hair dye left for when that boy breaks her heart.

Jupiter Lee

Tommy is proud to watch Jupiter on stage, but he is afraid.

Their anger is something he remembers from Lola, the way they cling to the past with vitriol echoes their mother, but on stage, they drink up the attention, get high off the love the audience gives, and he sees himself in those moments.

A child of addicts, Jupiter had drawn lines in the sand for themselves that they refused to cross; no alcohol, no drugs, and they'd stayed loyal to that. But highs come in all forms; they simply picked a different kind of poison without realising.

On stage, halfway between the gutter and a god complex, Tommy knows the smile they wear all too well.

Rebellion from Jupiter didn't shock the world like it did when it was Penny's name in the papers. Jupiter's trajectory was spot on in the eyes of the public, but rebellion wouldn't be the thing that broke them.

Once, so long ago that it's a miracle the memory survived, Tommy remembers asking Lola what she would be doing if she wasn't with the band. Lola gave him an easy, bleary smile, laughing sweetly when she told him that one way or another, she'd be here. In the moment it overwhelms him with love. In hindsight it breaks his heart.

"Come on, I think this is inevitable," Jupiter smiles on television as an interviewer asks them the same question; if they weren't making music what they'd be doing, "as if I'd do anything other than this."

'Don't you know where I come from?' is left unspoken, but Tommy still hears it.

He tries to picture himself in a life without the world at his feet the way he has now. No image comes to mind. Nothing else makes sense. Even if he wanted to do something else, wanted to grow up to be something else, he couldn't even begin to picture it for himself, tragedy and all.

They play their parts. They let history repeat itself. Jupiter makes mistakes Tommy and Lola had already learned from. Penny plays Jupiter's conciousness until the role grates on her nerves, diving head first into chaos, taking Jupiter with her with little convincing.

Tommy remembers this too.

When the world looks at Penny and Jupiter, they like to remember how Lola was seen as a bad influence on Charlotte, but forget that Tommy would have followed Charlotte in to Hell without hesitation.

Leo "Seo" Sixx

Lola has google alerts set up for her son, Seo, because he disappears for months without warning. Tommy asks how he is, and Lola looks to her phone with a tight smile, telling him that he's competeing in a skateboarding competition in Prague. She learned that from Twitter.

Seo comes and goes without warning, and talks to his siblings more than his parents. He loves them, but he hasn't allowed himself to stop for years. He doesn't know how. Then again, neither did Lola or Nikki.

"Jupiter thinks a lot about legacy, don't they?" He's in Tommy's kitchen, eating a poptart, when Tommy returns home one friday evening. He's waiting for Penny and Jupiter to finish getting ready, the three of them going out.

"Do your parents know you're in town?" Tommy asks with faint amusement, though there's a twinge of guilt in his gut when Leo considers that he should probably let them know. Says he forgot. Tommy's not sure if he believes him; like his parents before him, he tends to leave a lot unsaid. It's part of his charm, the world seems to think, but Tommy knows all to well how deliberate of an act it can be.

"Jup's got all this stuff in their head about legacy and who they should be," he continues his earlier thought, "which I guess makes sense, they tie a lot of themselves up in their identity," he shrugs, then, "I don't know Leo."

Tommy's not sure if he's talking about the grandfather he's named after, or himself.

"You've given this a lot of thought," Tommy says quietly, humouring him.

"I think a lot," Seo responds, "I've been thinking about going back on my meds, its weird being off of them." Of course this concerns Tommy, who knows objectively that Seo isn't his kid, but he's close enough that Tommy feels like he's allowed to be concerned. "I'm worried a doctor's note isn't going to be enough to let me compete at the Olympics on speed," falls too casually from Seo's lips, alarming Tommy in an instant. Though it must clearly show on his face, as Seo breaks out into an apologetic grin, "dextroamphetamine, for my ADHD. I've been trying to wean off it for the Olympics, it's been hard -" but his next words, said so blithe, so casual, have Tommy's heart stopping in his chest as he's thrown back thirty years, "I've been on them since I was like eleven years old; it was great, I could think, like the right amount, but now I... I think everything. I feel everything. Its a lot." He shrugs, like he didn't just become an echo of his father.

Seo's parents both died twice from overdoses, and now their son feels like he can't function without amphetamines.

Objectively Tommy knows that they work for Seo, that he's not abusing them he simply uses them to help him function, but the irony is not lost on him. It's a lot to unpack. He doesn't think to ask about the Olympics; it slips his mind until he sees Seo and a silver medal on his Twitter feed.

Lola calls Tommy in tears. She's proud, but she wishes she'd known, wishes she'd been able to watch it live, or go over and support him in person.

No-one in Seo's life seems to fully know or understand his intentions or actions, no-one can predict his next move. He puts up a bright facade, but like his parents before him, he does not trust the world to know him.

They don't know where he goes in the few months after the Olympics, all they know is that he doesn't come home.

Cerie "CerieThree" Sixx

Since she'd turned sixteen, Tommy has never seen Cerie Sixx without a smile. That is a very deliberate choice that she's made.

She's made a choice to rise above the percieved grime of her origins. She's halfway across the country, smiling for a camera she can control, editing her image before she lets it out into the world. Cerie Three - even the name the world knows reflects this; she's picked apart the context she was born into, disecting it, deciding which was useful to show the world, disposing of the rest.

She speaks warmly to her family, from what Tommy can gather, but the people on the peripheries of their life seem more like associates in the coldest sense of the world. Her smile doesn't reach her eyes half the time when she sees Tommy, and she shakes his hand when her brothers will hug him. The internet is closer to her than he is.

Cerie looks the most like her mother of all her siblings; she's 21, the exact same age Lola was when she met Tommy, but half the time he can barely see the resemblence. Lola had let the world see a villain at that age; Cerie had learned from that, had rejected that, rejected the cold, hard humanity of her mother's fronting. Cerie wanted to be perfect. Cerie had to be perfect, hyper aware of her own image, like her siblings seem to be, but the way she'd so effectively shaped her public identity was kind of terrifying.

Perhaps this was what it was like for people who didn't know Lola, only allowed to know the image she put out into the world, or people who only knew Nikki for his stage presence.

But the more Tommy thinks about it, the more he remembers just how effectively Lola had wrapped the band around her little finger when she set her mind to it, how she talked her way around exectives despite being dressed like she'd woken up in the gutter and fucked up on any number of drugs. Lola understood people, and it seemed Cerie did too.

Cerie Sixx, twenty one, doesn't stop creating content, doesn't stop studying, and doesn't stop smiling. Two of those three things are inhereted traits, inhereted determination, and the third is a choice.

Cyrus Sixx

Though Cyrus had inhereted much of his parent's musical talent, the same way Jupiter had, Cyrus had also inhereted a love of the high life. Even so, he's so full of love, kissing his mother on both cheeks before he goes out to get shitfaced in the bars she was decades before he was even born.

He works hard, at his job, on his music, but his partying matches it just as well. He knows exactly how far he has to fall before he meets the depths his parents' had sunk to, and though he doesn't voice this, his arrogance comes across in his actions.

There'd always be someone to pull him away from swan diving to rock bottom. He takes that for granted, and keeps getting closer and closer.

The only one of Nikki and Lola's children who still lives at home, he's the only one like them in the way they'd feared.

"He's going to have more success than he will ever be able to comprehend," Nikki had told Tommy, the day after Cyrus had been admitted to hospital after staying up for four days while high and obsessing over a song he had been working on. Nikki had found him having a fit after having fallen from his desk chair. Now, sitting on Tommy's patio in the sunset, he looks tired, he looks afraid, "if he doesn't end up killing himself first."

A month ago, the fire department and the police had to pull him, kicking and screaming and bareass naked from a tree in the middle of town. His parents had bailed him out, had felt a familiar sting of guilt as they find themselves reminded of their own youthful exploits. They repremand him, of course, but they both know the only reason they stopped climbing trees was because there had been no-one to pick them up after.

Nikki sees himself in his sons mistakes, but he'd had to learn concequences the hard way.

Tommy loves his family and all it's strange branches, as well as their raucous youth, but his closest friends were some of the most volatile people he'd known, and somehow he'd forgotten that as time as taken people and memories from him.

But these children were made in their image.