#I still occasionally get little notes from My Angry Friend

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Chapter 18: First Impressions Are Often Correct

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter eighteen of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 11.6K

Warnings: I'm going to rate this one 18+ just to be on the safe side. :) References to sex, Cursing, Angst, Mentions of Death, Blood, Gore, Possessive Soldier Boy, Protective Soldier Boy, Soft Soldier Boy, Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, completely a little OOC. Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

A/N: I'm so sorry, I know this has been a long time coming. I work hard, but writer's block works harder tbh.

It had to be herogasm. You think to yourself with an audible groan looking up at the mid-century house from your position in the tree-line while watching the couples on the back porch writhe against one another.

The three hour drive from your apartment to Vermont had been uneventful and quiet. Every once in a while Ben would whisper something to you and you would half answer, but only because your mind was somewhere else or rather on someone else.

It was on Rosemary. She had stopped trying to text you or call you, and the silence was worse. You had no idea what she was going to do or what she was thinking. It was a miracle that she hadn’t shown up to your apartment and kicked down the front door before you left. You knew she was angry about the whole situation. And the sooner you dealt with the twins the sooner you could go see her.

Of course you still had no idea how you were going to bring up the conversation with Ben and you knew that there was no way he would let you just leave with no explanation to go talk to her.

This is why I hate texting. I should have just gone to see her, I shouldn’t have told her that Ben was back in a text, if anything that's a three drink minimum. Hell, she's probably half way through a second bottle of wine by now. Something that you also had considered several times today. Guess sobriety is going out the window. Shocker.

Ben kept asking you what was wrong, sensing your discomfort on the drive and held your hand tightly between the two of you, but you only shook your head whenever he asked. He thought that you were having second thoughts of going after the twins, but that was the one thing you were sure of. They deserved to pay for what they did, all of your team did. Anger rises beneath your skin like a roaring crowd when you think of all the years Ben spent alone in Russia being tortured and experimented on. Years that you could have stopped if only you'd known, years that he could never get back, memories that wouldn't fade in the next decade or two, and memories that you hoped you could replace by making him feel loved, by holding him close, and allowing yourself to forget the memories that still plagued you when you thought about the past.

But you still didn't know how the hell you were going to tell him about Rosemary. Every moment it felt like the words were going to vomit out of your mouth, but you clamped your jaw shut. You didn’t want to talk about Rosemary in front of Butcher and Hughie, didn’t want to tell Ben like that. What you needed to say about Rosemary and Lou didn’t deserve to be shouted at him or said in haste, you wanted to sit Ben down and tell him, give him time to adjust to the idea. Because you had no idea how he was going to react to the news that he was a dad and a grandfather.

Would he pull away again? Would he run? Would he leave me? Those thoughts kept swirling around your mind like a mixtape. You were scared that by telling him about her would make him go cold like he did the moment you told him you loved him. You remembered the distant look that replaced his smile as soon as you had uttered those three little words.

Little but not simple. Three little words that launched ships and started a hundred wars. Three little words with the power to create and the power to destroy. Three words that Ben had said to you more times than you could count since he came back to you, and three words you wished you never stopped hearing him say, the three words you always wanted him to say to you.

If Ben pushed you away now, you knew that you wouldn't survive it this time, knew that there was no going back. Which made you more fearful about Rosemary's reaction to Ben coming back into your life.

You were afraid that Rosemary would give you an ultimatum and make you choose between her and Lou or Ben. You really hoped that it didn’t come to that. You had just gotten Ben back and you didn’t want to have to pick between him and your family.

Because Ben is family too. You knew that deep down in your bones, even after everything that happened, Ben was your family. He was the only person who knew you inside and out, the only man you’d ever loved and the only person who understood you. You couldn’t turn your back on him and you didn’t want to shut him out. Not when you loved him more than life itself.

Your frown deepens as you continue to watch the people on the back porch while your supe hearing picks up the moans and sounds of the couples inside and the subtle thump of music, new pop songs that you didn't understand and didn't try. You were up with the times, but it didn't mean you had to like what was happening or the new music being produced no matter how hard Rosemary tried to get you to listen to it.

You sigh again, trying to drown out the sounds by focusing on the wind moving through the trees and the birds flitting through the branches overhead, but it wasn’t working. The beautiful day was already ruined by the loud and messy sounds from the inside of the house. 

“Always wanted to bring you to one of these Sweetheart.” Ben glances over at you with a cheeky grin, lowering the binoculars from his eyes, but then he notes your frown. “Then again-“ His hand comes around your waist to pull you into him. “That means I would have had to share you with someone else, and I’d much rather have you all to myself.”

 You can feel his smirk against your ear, but it does little ease your anxiety about Rosemary and the looming conversation you were going to have with Ben when this was over.

Hughie had disappeared a few moments ago to scout out the inside and to find the twins, while Butcher was doing a walk of the perimeter, leaving you and Ben to wait for the all clear. A welcome break, because every few minutes Hughie would play with a Geiger counter and the high pitched creak-like squeak was giving you a headache. Not to mention annoying you. You'd only been able to have a few sips of your coffee this morning after Butcher and Hughie burst into you apartment, but at least your anxiety was picking up the slack.

Because of course it was.

The house in front of you looked innocent enough on the outside, big windows light wood,  but now that you were here, you really didn’t want to go inside. Despite wanting to face the twins, you didn’t want to go inside and be reminded of the one reason why you stayed away from Herogasm.

At least today we aren’t attending it as much as crashing it.

“Why do you think I hated going to Herogasm?” You murmur, frown deepening at you continue to stare at the house.  The memories of the past had an ugly way of crashing down on you and despite not wanting to make Ben feel guilty, keeping them to yourself made you feel worse. Plus you figured he knew when you were lying, because Ben was basically a human lie detector when it came to you.

Ben sighs, his warm breath washing over the side of your face as his arm tightens around your waist to secure you to him. “Sweetheart please look at me.” His voice is comforting, filled with emotion, but you still don't look at him.

“What?” You whisper, mind still a million miles away.

His fingertips come under your chin to turn your face to his. Ben’s green eyes lock with yours, soft and apologetic, familiar in the best way and weird given the fact that he was wearing his uniform. You’d never seen him look so sorry when he was dressed up as Soldier Boy.

“I would have killed any man who tried to touch you, especially after the night we shared together. When Vogelbaum danced with you I wanted to rip his arms off.”  His eyes darken.

You remembered the way he watched Vogelbaum and you dance together at the premiere with the cameras flashing in your eyes, but then the image of Countess plastered to his hip arises. The way she ran her hands up his chest, the way he turned his gaze away from you to stare at her.

“Yes, but see I never killed any woman that touched you-“

Double standard much?

“Well-“

“Countess doesn’t count.” You snap.

Ben’s thumb strokes along your jaw, before his expression softens again. “I’m sorry.”

“You’ve apologized-“ You sigh, suddenly guilty. You hadn't meant to snap at him like that, you were on edge because of Rosemary, not because of what Ben did in the past. You were already starting to forgive him for what he did.

“Not for this.” He takes in a deep breath before he pulls you closer to him. “I’m sorry that I made you think I didn’t want you. Because I do. I don't want anyone else, haven't ever wanted anyone else like I want you. I was so stupid. I fucked those other women because I couldn’t handle how I felt about you and I didn’t think that you would ever want me even a fraction of how much I want you-“

“More.” You whisper before you can stop yourself, laying your hand against the front of his suit.

“That is impossible.” Ben smiles faintly.

You toy with the material, plucking it between your fingers. “It’s okay. I understand why you did it. But it was hard to watch you with them.” You try to fight the image of him and Countess again, that is quickly followed by the memories of the many women over the years you’d see Ben with in public and of course the memory of the first and only Herogasm you ever went to, the one you left early because you couldn’t bear to see Ben with anyone else. The same one that you swore you saw Ben watching you just as closely when Noir tried to reach out for you and you walked away.

It’s different now. You think to yourself. Ben said that he’s wanted me this whole time and I believe him. I don’t think he would lie about something like that, not to mention he’s been more open about what he’s feeling.

“I know.” Ben continues to stroke along your jaw. “But I promise it won’t happen ever again.”

“I believe you.” You lock your arms around the back of his neck to hold him closer to you, loving the way his body felt wrapped around you, like he was molded just for you.

“Good.” He leans his forehead against yours for a moment. "Can I kiss you yet?" Ben's words are quiet, barely above a whisper, so low that you know if you didn't have super hearing you'd have missed them.

"You've never been a patient man. In all the years I've known you." You breathe with a smile.

"Maybe I've just never met someone worth waiting for." Ben's nose nudges into the space between you faces, waiting for you to tell him it's okay and you want to. "But you are Sweetheart."

"You've waited forty years."

"You waited longer."

His words make a ball of emotion lodge in the back of your throat, because it meant Ben listened. He heard everything you said to him and he wasn't going to forget, he was going to make this up to you.

It was hard to say no to him, not when he was smiling at you and gazing at you the way you'd always wished him to.

"We both know I'm a bit more patient than you."

"Maybe."

"You know, maybe we should be focusing on something else right now." You smirk, still keeping your lips just as hairsbreadth away from his.

“It's hard to focus on anything else, not when you’re wearing something like that.” Ben purrs, thumbs brushing against you hips in a way that makes your chest tight.

Your smirk deepens “Oh this old thing?”

At the last minute you had chosen to wear the outfit you had picked when you thought you were going to be going to Russia to get Ben, rather than your old supe suit. You didn’t want to be connected with the person you were then, and despite Ben’s want to hold on to Soldier Boy, you were more than happy to let Indigo go.

The outfit was working better than you thought. The tight black tactical pants, combat boots, black leather jacket, and long sleeved leather corseted blouse that was sinched at your waist all perfectly accentuated the curves that your mother tried to hide. When you had walked out of your closet wearing it, Ben’s entire body had gone rigid.

“What?” You’d asked him with an innocent smile standing just a few steps outside your closet, while watching the tension in his shoulders.

“Damn it sweetheart you’re making this hard.” He had responded, clenching his hands into fists at his sides to hold himself back from crossing your bedroom to touch you. It made you smile wider to understand that he was trying to respect the boundaries you made between the two of you.

“What is it that I’m making hard Benjamin?”

“Fuck. Don’t tease me. Nobody likes a tease.”

You’d smirked at him. “Sorry babe you walked right into that one.”

“It’s not fair-“ Ben had growled.

“What’s not fair?”

“You wearing that, biting your fucking lip like that-“

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He’d stalked towards you, eyes dark, causing you to back up until your back hit your pale bedroom wall. His hand had landed next to your head, the other wound around your hip so you could feel the heat of his skin through your clothes.

“You know, two can play at that game Sweetheart.” Ben had murmured, easing his face so close to yours that you could feel his breath against your lips.

“And what game is that?” You’d said it trying to keep your composure, but the dark look in his eyes and the smell of his shampoo was everywhere. Your heart beat had given you away, thudding violently in your chest as if it wanted to break free. It was hard to ignore how much you still wanted him after all these years.

"You know exactly what game." Ben had held your gaze, raising an eyebrow as a confident smirk pulled at his lips. He could hear your heartbeat too, probably could smell how much you wanted him. “But you’re so fucking beautiful I'll let it slide.”

“Huh?” It had been the last thing you thought he was going to say. If anything you’d thought he was going to tease you.

The hand that had been previously on the wall near your head dropped onto your face to gently trace the arch of your brow and the dip of your bottom lip.

“You always have been. I thought I remembered wrong but-" His expression shifted from the seductive smirk into something softer. "Fuck I missed you." Ben had leaned his forehead against yours. "So tease me all you want. I'll wait, because you're worth every second."

Remembering what he said earlier still filled you with an incredible amount of love and made you want to kiss him all the more now. Knowing that he was willing to wait for you to be okay with whatever came next made you fall harder for him. But now you knew that you needed to focus on what you were about to do. And standing here in front of the house, listening to what was going on inside made you sober up, just a little bit…. But not completely.

"Then again I thought those overalls were pretty sexy too." Ben states, staring down at you with a wide smile as the mid-afternoon sun turned his hair into a light brown and found the flecks of gold in his eyes. He looked every bit as handsome as you were accustomed to, so much in fact that it made your heart ache.

"Sure." You roll your eyes. "I think you're the first person in history to say that." Your fingers lightly curl into the strands at the back of his head.

"Maybe. Or maybe you're just the sexiest woman in history."

"Shut up."

Ben's gaze darkens. "Make me, Sweetheart."

Every viable thought except the thought of crashing your lips to his vanishes.

I wonder if they're as soft as I remember. If he still makes that sound when I-

"You two ready?" Butcher interrupts appearing just over Ben's shoulder, but smirking when he sees how close the two of you are. "Or do you love birds need a little alone  time?"

You roll your eyes and let go of Ben's hair, as he loosens his grip on your hips. Stepping back away from him was like having a bucket of cold water drop over you, you missed him and yet he was standing a full sixteen inches away from you.

This is really not good.

"You have the worst fucking timing." Ben moves to pick up his shield, but the playful smirk he'd had a few seconds ago has been replaced with a frown.

You wondered if he was as disappointed as you were.

The wind shifts and you can smell the Temp V in Butcher's veins, hear the steady beat of his heart as it pumps blood through his body, strengthening him, making him feel indestructible. When Butcher and Hughie had injected it at the back of Butcher's car, you couldn't help but be reminded of the day you took V. You had been afraid and when they injected it, you remember the pain, the unspeakable pain that made you scream so loud that Ben heard you from the room he was being kept in, and he broke through the wall to get to you. It was how the scientists learned that Ben had super strength, because he had smashed through solid rock to make sure you were okay.

Butcher shrugs and begins to walk through the trees towards the side door of the house, leaving you and Ben alone.

"You didn't answer my question." He hefts his shield up with a smirk.

He didn't have to explain, you knew he was asking about the kiss. "I'll take a raincheck."

"Hmm." Ben takes a few steps towards the house, before he stops to look back at you. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Huh?"

"In the car, even now. You're kinda quiet." He shrugs.

"I-" You were going to say that you were fine, but you knew that he would clock the lie. "We need to talk about something, but it can wait. This is important too."

Ben's frown deepens, but then he finally sighs. "Alright. Come on you’re lagging behind doll."

"Guess you changed your mind about wanting me here." You snort as you catch up to him.

Ben puts his hand on your wrist, turning you to look at him. "I always want you with me." His hand trails up your arm to finally rest under your chin. Ben smiles, leaning down towards you, but before you can arch up into him, he presses a kiss to your forehead. "I love you." He murmurs into the top of your head.

"I love you too."

And with that, you both follow Butcher into the house hosting the worst event in all of history.

I should have brought ear plugs. You cringe as you follow behind Ben and Butcher, weaving through the lower levels of the house. Maybe someone will let me borrow their blindfold. Hopefully there are nose plugs somewhere… well there have been other kinds of plugs but those are a bit big for my nose.

You walk down the staircase after Ben and Butcher who pulled ahead a few moments ago and as you do the sharp sour smell of a chemical wafts in your face, different than the other odors in the house.

What is that?

You round the corner and see Ben up ahead, shrouded in smoke, staring down an attractive muscular black man who for some reason has decided to raise his fists to challenge Ben. Your eyes trace the man's face, recognition pulling at your heart. You knew who he was. The first time you'd seen him he'd only been a boy, made eye contact with you at a funeral you couldn't help but go to, after Ben made a mistake. You'd offered the boy an encouraging smile and left the boy's family an envelope of cash in their mailbox because you couldn't think of anything else to do for them. You knew it couldn't replace who they lost, but you didn't know what else to do. Ben had been upset with himself after, he always was when he lost control. He showed up on your doorstep like he always did, drunk, high, smelling like stale perfume, and fell asleep in your bed after you reassured him the same way you always did.

Now that little boy was grown up and standing in front of you. You see recognition flash in his eyes as he sees you. Of course it does. You didn't look any different and you hadn't worn your supe suit when you went to the funeral.

"Not him." Butcher says to Ben, but Ben doesn't look away from the man.

"Ben." You whisper, reaching out to touch his arm gently.

Ben's eyes flick to yours. The look in Ben's eyes is familiar, predatory, unwilling to back down from a fight. Soldier Boy. You'd seen it countless times before, talked him out of killing people in the past. You hated how quickly you had to slip into your old job, the one that made you feel like a babysitter, but you shake it off.

"He doesn't know what he's doing. Come on. The Twins are upstairs, I can hear them arguing." It was true, you could, but you didn't want this to turn ugly so quickly. Not when the real reason why you were here were currently arguing about toilet cameras. 

His jaw tightens, eyes sliding to the man standing at the other end of the room, before he nods once and motions for you to go ahead of him.

As you continue to move through the house, you fight the shudder that threatens to travel down your spine when you think of how Ben looked moments ago. It was the first time you had seen Soldier Boy since Ben showed up again, and it was the same way you remembered it. You just hoped deep down that Ben really did want to change and that he was adopting the façade of Soldier Boy to get through what came next. You knew that you were going to have to adopt one as well.

"Here." You stop just before the two of you round the corner where the Twins were in the other room. "Let me go first. They might not try to run if I go in before you."

Ben frowns. "I don't want you to-"

"I know, but it'll be better this way."

"Fine."

You walk around the wall and towards the circular room where the Twins are fighting, ignoring the couples on the outskirts that are grinding against one another.

Like Countess, the Twins didn't look good, both were considerably older, rounder, grayer, and more wrinkly than the last time you'd seen them, but they were still the same. Still arguing and still just as annoying as they had been forty years ago.

"I never want to see you again!" Tommy spits at his sister, adjusting the golden robe slung over his shoulders that flaps around him like a cape.

"Oh sure!" Tessa sniffs while puffing on a joint. "Our Westfield mall appearance is next week and nobody is going to come see you without me!"

That must suck to have your powers depend on someone else.

"Wow, mall appearances? Aren't we all getting a bit old for that?" You flash a winning smile as you step down into the room, locking eyes with Tessa.

Both of the twins visibly pale, their hearts speeding up to work overtime, as the stench of adrenaline begins to waft through the air between you. It's almost comical how identical their reactions are to Countess' at seeing you for the first time in forty years. Then again you hoped that you looked better than they did.

Why didn't I try to find out more after Ben "died?" If our entire team had this reaction to seeing me then I would have known the truth and Ben wouldn't have been in a fucking Russian Lab all these years!

Their plan to ensure you not being in Nicaragua had paid off, because not only were you not there, you didn't want anything to do with any of them. And you wished that you had confronted them all those years ago. You knew that you'd live with that guilt for a long time, but now you allowed your anger at what they all did to Ben, overpower it.

"Y/n-" Tessa stutters.

It was weird to see her at a loss for words. You and all of Payback had listened to her nag Tommy since the moment they joined the team. Judging by what you had walked into, you figured that she hadn't changed at all.

"Hey long time no see!" Tommy fakes enthusiasm while licking his lips nervously, eyes darting to the open doors behind you. You could practically see the escape plan forming in his mind.

"You know, when I found out you guys were living in Vermont I was surprised. I would have thought that you moved down South. They’re probably more accepting of your relationship.” You make air quotes around the word relationship, before shifting your smile into an worried frown. “Oh sorry, are the two of you still pretending that you’re not fucking?”

Tessa’s gaze turns stone cold. “What the fuck do you want?”

“I was in the neighborhood, thought I’d check in.” You look around the room. “You guys have a nice house. Must have budgeted better than Countess did. Her tailer, now that was a shit hole. Must not have done as many mall appearances.”

Tommy’s heart skips a beat at the mention of Countess’s name. “Look y/n-“

“Please. We didn’t have anything against you. We didn’t come after you. Even after all these years we left you alone.” Fear seeps into Tessa’s voice with her plea, eyes wide with worry.

They had reason to be worried, you’d all but admitted to killing Countess.

“Oh sweetie.” You with false sweetness in your tone. “It’s cute that you think you can beg for mercy. That you're deserving of it.” The room begins to shake with the force of your anger as your eyes shift to bright purple. Cracks like thin spiderwebs stretch through the wide windows behind them and through the thick drywall as you lose control, the composure you always held on to drowning in the flood of emotion you feel when you look at the two of them. “Ben told me exactly what happened that day-“

“He lied to you!” Tommy exclaims. “He went crazy! You know how he gets, how he loses control!”

“He lost control and we had to protect ourselves y/n-“ Tessa adds, another lie.

Ben steps into the room beside you, his eyes are focused on the Twins, and if you thought they looked afraid when you showed up, they look near dead when Ben appears.

"You were saying?" You raise an eyebrow.

"Ben! Hey Buddy!." Tommy forces another smile but pales when he realizes Ben just heard him and Tessa try to lie to you. "How are you? Long time. We were just talking to y/n about-“

Ben's eyes narrow, stopping whatever Tommy was going to say about you.

"Nicaragua wasn't our fault!" Tommy says to recover. "Neither was the premiere." His eyes dart to yours, cowering under the purple light that pulses from your irises.

Wow. Just. Wow.

"We swear." Tessa adds.

"Why should we believe you?" You spit.

"Please-"

"Then whose fault was it?" Ben's frown deepens, hand tightening on the shield.

None of the other couples have stopped what they are doing, too enthralled in one another to notice what was going to unfold between the four of you.

"It was Noir!" Tommy shouts desperately, his eyes flitting from Ben to you as if trying to see which one of you will believe him. "He gave Ben to the Russians."

It's almost pathetic watching his mad scramble to protect himself. Apart of you hates that you don't feel guilty for any of this, at least with Countess at the beginning you felt some guilt for hurting her, but with them there was nothing. Not even the prick of remorse, there was only anger.

Ben chuckles under his breath. "We all know that Noir didn't even take a shit without Vought's say so."

"Not to mention his head was so far up Stan's ass it's a wonder that he could breathe." You narrow your eyes at the two of them waiting for them to make a move. They might be cowards, but if you knew the Twins well enough, you knew that they weren't above throwing a bolt of lighting in your direction. And you knew for a fact that electrocution wasn't fun.

"It's the truth!" Tessa shouts above the moans and wet squelch of the people around you. “Please y/n we have children.”

“You're really the worst liar hon. Always have been." You snap, listening to her heartbeat jolt in her chest as she attempts to save herself.

"Please talk Ben out of this, just like you did for Noir-“ Tommy's plea falls on deaf ears, but you knew what he was talking about. The day that you saved Noir's life because he started a fight with Ben over a stupid role in a movie. But this was different, no part of you wanted to save them from this, to save them from what they deserved.

“Noir will get what’s coming to him.” You don't recognize your own voice. "You brought this on yourselves."

But then something shifts in the air, call it a feeling, or an energy current, but something feels wrong.

The music coming from the radio has changed to a Russian pop song, why it's playing you have no idea, all you know is that it does something to Ben.

The sound of his shield hitting the ground rings in your ears and you turn to look at him. His entire body is tensed beneath his suit, sweat dotting along his hairline, red beginning to creep into his cheeks. His eyes are squeezed shut and he shakes his head as if he's trying to clear it.

"Ben? Are you okay?" Your hold on the room vanishes, eyes fading back to their normal color as your worry turns to Ben.

His fists are clenched tightly together as he brings them up to the sides of his head, chest beginning to glow with his new power, the one you'd never seen before, the one that Ben said practically vaporized whatever was in it's path.

Shit.

"Ben. Stay with me, listen to my voice." You touch the sides of his face, begging him to listen to your plea. As much as you wanted the Twins to pay, Ben wasn't just losing control of his powers, this was different. It was almost like he was being dragged somewhere else, somewhere you couldn't follow.

"Everything's okay. I'm here, I'm right here." You soothe, but he continues to glow brighter and brighter and you're directly in the line of fire.

Shit.

Ben's eyes flash open, no longer bright green but an orange-gold that makes fear snag in your ribs like a fishing hook. His hand makes contact with your chest shoving you to the side, out of the way of the beam, but unfortunately through the solid rock wall.

You don't really know what happens next. The world goes black for a few minutes, not like when you die, but just black as everything burns around you when Ben explodes. You're not sure how long you're under, could be minutes, could be hours, all you know is that when you wake up everything hurts.

It's how you know that you didn't officially die. Whenever you woke up after death, it was different, you felt powerful, reborn, but right now you felt like a train ran over you. A headache throbs at your temples as you begin to come to, blinking your eyes against the darkness that doesn't go away. Your ears are ringing, filled with the screams of those who survived and the smell of burned flesh and blood surrounds you like a cloud.

A mountain of rubble and roofing covers you, leaving you in the darkness to get your bearings, but nothing feels broken.

At least the brick fireplace broke my fall. You think to yourself with a groan as you begin to push off the planks of wood and pieces of the roof that cover your body, so you can sit up. As soon as you do, your head spins and you fight the unpleasant urge to throw up.

Great. Might have a concussion.

You might be as strong as Ben, but your ability to die meant that you were just a little bit less equipped to handle a hit like that.

Ben. Worry and fear war in your heart as you look around the broken room that lays in tatters around you.

The house isn’t recognizable anymore. Singed carpet floats in tufts with ash around your face like a swarm of flies while fires burn in clumps all over the ruined room. Chunks of drywall and planks of blackened wood litter the floor and the back half of the house is gone, burned to a crisp in the blast from Ben.

What the fuck did they put in his chest? Ben had tried to describe it to you, tried to explain it, but standing here in the rubble you understood just how bad it was. The ruins in Mid-town you had seen the coverage of on the news, but it was a completely different thing to experience it in person.

People are going to think that he did this on purpose. That he's a bad person, that he's some kind of terrorist. The thought is immediately followed by the fear that Vought and the government would come to take him away. Your jaw tightens. I'd like to see them try.

The bodies of Tommy and Tessa are burned beyond recognition, still holding hands, but now are just blacked lumps of flesh and bone that lay where they tried to make their final stand. But you feel no remorse.

It’s what we came here to do, to make them pay. You bite the inside of your cheek listening to the screams of those who survived. I just didn't think that so many others would get hurt.

You continue to look around the room, worry rising in your chest as you think of Ben and remember the look on his face. He had been scared of what was about to happen even if he didn’t want to admit it. He lost control. In the past when he lost control the worst thing he could do was rip someone in half or smash their face into a pulp, but now if Ben ever lost control he'd level a building.

I see a lot of yoga in his future. Or maybe anger management classes.

Although the thought makes you smile, as soon as you see Ben everything else fades from your mind. Ben is on his knees in the center of the room, head slumped forward on his chest, hands laying limply by his sides, as he takes in shaky breaths. You could hear the frantic pound of his heart, beating hard against his rib cage as if begging to be released. Seeing him like that almost sends you into overdrive. You’d never seen him look so defeated, so small, so tired, so… lost.

“Ben?” You fall to your knees next to him, reaching out to touch his face, to bring his attention to you.

His body tenses as you do so, eyes narrowing when he meets yours like he doesn’t know you. His eyes miles away.

But where?

“Hey, it’s me.” You say gently, cupping his face with your hands to rub your thumbs across his cheeks while fear grips your heart as you try to bring him back to you. “It’s me, I’m here. It’s okay.”

Ben inhales sharply as if suddenly remembering, the look in his eyes clearing for a moment, rising through the fog. "Y/n?" He whispers.

"Yeah. I'm here." You repeat, smiling at him even though the urge to cry builds in the back of your throat. It broke your heart to see him like this. You push his hair back from his face, brushing the ash from the mahogany strands.

 “Are you okay? Did I-“ Worry etches itself across his handsome face.

“I’m fine. Shhh.” You soothe, pulling him against you so your can rub his back softly and lock him in your embrace. But the truth was you were afraid. You didn’t understand what happened and couldn’t explain the look in his eyes when he went under, when he started to lose himself in his newfound powers. Ben crumbles into you, leaning his head against your shoulder as if needing it to strengthen him.

“It’s okay. Everything’s okay.” You weren’t sure the effects the blast had on him, just that he seemed unsure as to how the hell he did it.

 Where did he go in those moments?

“The twins?” Ben mumbles.

“They’re dead.” You could hear the approaching ambulances and police cars, hear the anxious chatter of the survivors outside.

We’ve got to get out of here.

“Come on. Let’s go.” You say softly rising to your feet and helping him up. Ben stumbles a step, shaking his head like he can’t catch his bearings and the worry comes roaring back. You catch him and tilt his body so he can lean on you. “Ben are you okay?” Your fingers dance against the sides of his face trying to bring his focus back to you, because you were afraid he might lose himself to whatever the hell happened before.

“I will be in a minute.” Ben takes in a shaky breath, leaning on your shoulder. "I don't know what happened."

"It's okay." His shield rises telekinetically from the rubble and into your outstretched hand that glows a brilliant purple in the dusty light. Smoke billows up from the room around you obscuring the sunlight that filters through the ruined front of the house, but you can still see the front drive already becoming swarmed with people and news crews.

Because that's exactly what Rosemary needs to see, me and Ben on the 5'oclock news. Fuck.

"Come on." You lead him back the way you can, toting his shield in your free hand, down the stairs.

When you spot Butcher, Ben straightens finally catching his bearings and takes the shield from you. Butcher looks from Ben to you, eyebrows raised.

"Sorted?"

"Yeah." Ben frowns.

You could tell that he was still a little shaky, but you knew he wasn't going to admit that to anyone, especially not to Butcher. Your gaze falls on the man from before laying on the ground, the man that Butcher had told Ben to leave.

Why did he want Ben to spare his life if Butcher was only going to beat him down?

But just as you take a step towards the man to check him for injuries, a long shadow falls on the floor at your feet.

Your eyes jolt upwards and focus on Homelander. The smell of hairspray, hair dye, and cheap cologne waft through the air at Homelander's appearance.  He's shorter than you expected him to be, not overtly muscular, but he didn't need to be. Supes with superstrength didn't need to look like body builders, and you suspected that the only reason why Homelander even had any kind of muscle was for his image as America's Hero. Then again, you never complained about Ben's muscular physique.

I don’t think anybody should complain about that and- Nope. Nope. Not thinking about that right now.

But as you stare at him there's something wrong, something that you can't place, something that tugs at the back of your mind when you look at him, almost as if you've forgotten something important.

Seeing him in person is surreal. You'd only ever seen him on the news or on billboards or on those stupid energy drinks that were sold at the bodega on the corner where you get coffee filters sometimes, but the look in his eyes is the same. It's cold, unfeeling, and reminds you of those ridiculous shark documentaries that Rosemary is obsessed with. The only time she could watch shark week was after Lou went to bed. She said that watching it made her feel better about her job and you didn't complain.

Homelander looks around the room forcing a smile, a predatory glare in his eyes.

"William Butcher and Soldier Boy. Of course you are behind this. It really is all about me." Homelander's smile widens.

Narcissistic much? This guy's like a walking red flag.

He takes a step closer to the three of you, and Ben steps in front of you to shield you from Homelander's view. Homelander clocks the movement, but then tsks his finger at Butcher.

"William we made a deal to fight to the death, you and me." Homelander's eyes begin to glow. "You cheated, deals off."

The red flash of the laser-vision illuminates Ben's face in sharp contrast as the beam hits Butcher full in the chest propelling him back into the wall. His body falls to the ground and lies still.

Well. That's not good.

Honestly you didn't like Butcher all that much, but you couldn't help but feel a little bit bad.

You glance up from Butcher's body to gaze at Homelander again. Fighting him hadn't been on the agenda today, but it was starting to look that way. You knew what his powers were, knew that Vought probably told him his entire life that he was a god and that no one could compare to him. And you knew that the man standing next to you hadn't changed enough to walk away from the fight, no matter how bad his odds were.

And deep down you knew that you weren't going to let Ben take that beating, which of course meant that you were going to fight Homelander. Not that you were afraid of him. One look at him might have sent everyone else heading for the hills, but he didn't intimidate you.

"I watched all your movies, hundreds of times. You were the only one that was nearly as strong as me." The look on Homelander's face is one of respect almost wonder.

And you can imagine a smaller version of Homelander being fed all the same propaganda that Ben and you were fed all those years ago, imagine Homelander growing up hearing that he was stronger, greater, faster than Soldier Boy, and imagine Vogelbaum working hard to make sure to mold Homelander into the hero that America wanted. Not to mention all the shit he probably heard when he was with Stormfront. You were very happy that you didn't have to see her again, though now you had a fun story to tell Ben about one of his exes.

“Buddy you’re wearing a cape, do you think you look strong?” Ben frowns at Homelander.

“It is pretty stupid.” You agree examining Homelander’s supe suit. “Honestly I thought you had it bad with that dorky looking helmet-“ You glance at Ben out of the corner of your eye.

“Really? You’re gonna do this now?” Ben glowers turning his attention to you.

“I’m just being honest it was pretty bad and I’m glad you decided not to wear it today. But his cape is definitely worse.”

“Do you want me to bring up that ridiculous hood you had?”

“You can, but I won’t believe you, because that hood was fabulous and I looked fantastic in it.”

Homelander clears his throat to catch your attention. “Um hello?”

“Hi.” You force a smile. “Oh sorry did we interrupt your little monologue?”

Homelander's gaze turns icy as you continue. “Because we can take this from the top. What was the line again? Something about power or watching his films? I was only half listening. Did you want me to record it for you so you can post it on your socials?”

“What the f-“ Homelander begins to say, but you interrupt him.

“I mean. That is why you practiced it in the mirror for so long right? And why you did your hair and makeup?" You scrunch up your nose. "I'd skip that last mist of hairspray if I were you. You want it to look smooth, not look like you stuck your finger in an electrical socket.”

You could tell that Ben was trying to maintain his composure, but his mouth was twitching in a smile. “Oh wait does your suit have a body cam? I guess that makes things easier, because it probably doesn't have pockets. Not to mention if you dropped your phone while you were flying around-"

"Who the fuck are you?" Homelander spits interrupting you.

"No one important."

“Is he really what passes for a hero these days?” Ben cocks an eyebrow. “He’s just a cheap fucking knock off of me.”

“No.” Homelander snarls, eyes beginning to glow bright red. “I’m the upgrade.”

The laser cuts through the air in slow motion, but you’re already moving.

"Ben!" His name rips from your throat as you lunge forward and shove him as hard as you can out of the way of the beam. You feel the laser tear through your body, the force throwing you backward through one of the wood paneled walls and then the darkness swallows you whole.

If someone were to ask you what it was like to die, you wouldn’t know how to answer. To exist in those thirteen seconds sometimes feels like a dream, like you're floating, but it's always silent. And the silence scares you. How quickly it comes to drag you under and how it seems to replace everything you know or remember about the real world until you come back to life. You understood why Ben didn't like being alone, because you didn't either. It reminded you too much of those moments you were gone, wishing for it to stop. There was never a bright light, there was only the darkness and the silence that fell when your heart stopped beating.

When you take your first breath in thirteen seconds it's full of dust and ash, swirling into your mouth as you inhale sharply to jumpstart your lungs. But at the same time everything is different. The colors in the room are brighter, the sounds more acute, the smells just a fraction stronger, and you feel different. Power floods through your limbs, swirling through flesh and bone, pouring through your veins, electrifying through each nerve ending and setting you on fire, more than any other power ever has. You'd never felt power like this before. Even with Countess and the others that had killed you, no other power you'd ever gotten had felt this strong.

You stand up from the rubble you landed in, covered in a layer of dust and blood. The hole in your new outfit where the laser struck is just under your left breast, the mark left behind already a pink scar. And you knew that Ben would probably kill you for it later, for taking the laser for him, but you didn't care.

Homelander is floating in the center of the room, holding Ben by the throat, smiling cruelly at him.

"Hey asshole." You snarl, spitting out a glob of blood onto the ruined carpet. "We're not done."

Homelander turns his head towards you amused, while Ben grabs at the front of his suit, trying to get his attention, but Homelander is focused on you.

"So that's it? That's your big trick? Laser vision? Forgive me for not cowering in fear." Your hands clench into fists at your sides.

He eyes you for a moment. "You're Indigo aren't you?"

"I used to be. Now I'm just disappointed. I expected more from Vought's big hero, but now I see that you're just another asshole who thinks he's a god." Your eyes drift to Ben for a moment, worry clawing at your heart when you meet his gaze. "So drop him. Before I drop you."

"You’re very confident for someone who was dead a few seconds ago. I don't really see how that ability is going to help you-"

"Before I didn’t want to kill you."

"And you think you can?" He laughs.

"No." You smirk. "I know I can."

"Who do you think you’re talking to?"

"I’m not talking to much." Your eyes narrow. "But I'll be nice, and I'll give you a chance to leave. To tuck your tail between your fucking legs and fly away. We didn't come here for you and you and I don't have to do this."

"And if I don't leave?"

"Then I'll kill you."

"I'd like to see you try." Homelander throws Ben as hard as he can through the brick fireplace, causing rock and mortar to rain down on top of him, but Homelander's eyes don't leave yours. “Well why don’t you give me your best sho-“

He doesn’t have time to finish his sentence, your body ploughs into his tackling him through the solid outer wall and onto the back lawn.

Truthfully you hadn’t meant to go through the wall, you’d only meant to pin him to it, but flying was proving just a little more difficult than you expected. Your hand closes on Homelander’s wrist bringing him down against the ground so hard that the earth quakes, before you throw him as far away from you as you can.

His body spins awkwardly in the air, before he ploughs into one of the thick oak trees head on, at the edge of the backyard. The loud snap of the tree compensating for Homelander’s body fills the air.

He stumbles to his feet, eyes narrowed in pure hatred, lip curled back in a snarl, and his blonde hair flopping forward into his face.

“You chose wrong.” You spit, rolling your shoulders, preparing for what came next.

Homelander lets out a roar and flies towards you, arms outstretched for you, but you’re ready for him.

You catch his fist before it lands against your face and tighten your other hand around his throat. Your bodies are floating two feet off the ground, but it doesn’t faze you.

When Homelander’s gaze meets yours you see just a flicker of fear, a spark, quickly masked by his shock. He struggles to pull away to push you away with his free hand, but all you do is tighten your grip.

 "You've never felt real pain before have you?" You force your face into a sympathetic frown, before your eyes harden. "Allow me to enlighten you."  You throw him to the ground again, watching his body spin and screech against the grass and dirt.

 Given the screams and smell of blood in the air, any witnesses from the massacre inside were at the front of the house waiting for the police, leaving you and Homelander on the backside of the house alone.

Worry for Ben rose in your chest like the peak of a wave, you hadn't seen him since Homelander threw him through the fireplace, but you funnel that worry into all encompassing rage.

"They told you that you were a god right? That you were the most powerful supe that ever lived. They were wrong. There's only one supe more powerful than you, and you just fucking pissed her off." You shout beginning to float towards him.

Homelander growls rising to his feet, eyes glowing bright red as he fires a laser at you, but you’re ready.

Your own beam catches his mid air between you, the high pitched sizzle and smell of ozone floats across your face, but you don't back down. If anything, it just makes you more angry.

And then something slams into you from the side, breaking the connection between your beam and Homelander's.

"What-" You shout, looking up at the body above yours, preparing to blast them off, but you realize it's Ben. "Ben what-"

"Stay here." He growls, eyes black. Ben looks pissed, whether it’s because you pushed Ben out of the way before or if it’s because he’s annoyed that Homelander punched him you’re not sure.

"What?" You look beyond him, to see Hughie and Butcher tackle Homelander to the ground.

They're going to try to turn him human.

"I can hold him down-" You say. “Let me help.”

"No." Ben snarls as he stalks towards Homelander, his chest beginning to glow.

“Ben-“

“Stay the fuck there.” Ben shouts still looking at Homelander.

Your eyes flit to the leader of the Seven. Watching him struggle against Hughie and Butcher, who yell at one another, but you don’t hear them. You wait for the remorse to crash over you, the guilt, but it never comes.

I gave him a choice. He could have run. He didn’t. He chose this.

And just when you think it’s all over, Homelander breaks away from them, surging up into the air to freedom. You feel your feet leave the ground to follow him, someone’s hand tightens on your ankle and drags you back down to earth.

“No.” Ben’s voice is more of a growl than anything else.

He’s angry, that much you can tell from the look on his face and from the way his eyes have hardened into two solid chunks of emerald as he locks eyes with you.

But why? Angry because Homelander got away or angry because I pushed him out of the way?

“Ben I can get him. Let me go.” You kick your ankle but Ben holds on.

“No.” Ben snarls. “You’re not about to go after that sick fuck by yourself.”

“Ben-“

“No. If I have to chain you to the ground I will.” Ben pulls you down further and releases your ankle to  fasten his hand around you waist to hold you tighter against the ground. “You’re not going after him.”

“Fine.” You snap pulling yourself from his grasp, your own temper flaring.

You hated when Ben did that, when he acted like you weren’t just as capable as him of doing this. It reminded you of your childhood, when you were treated like you were made of glass, a pretty doll that was made to be looked at but never touched.

And you knew it came from Ben’s want to protect you, knew that it came from his fear of losing you, but that didn’t make it any less annoying.

You didn’t pout when Ben went out to face someone, didn’t try to act like he couldn’t do it.

“I know that maybe I’m a little behind but… WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?” Hughie shouts. “You have laser vision and you can fly and you can move things with your mind!?” He looks frantically from you to Ben.

You don’t answer, your eyes are still on Ben who looks ready to throw Butcher’s car into space. You could practically see the waves of anger rolling off of him like a comic strip.

“You didn’t before, did you?” Butcher’s eyes trace your body as things begin to click into place. “You didn’t before he killed you.”

“Hold on.” Hughie holds up his hand. “Are you telling me that you die and you come back to life WITH THE POWERS OF THE SUPE THAT KILLED YOU?”

“It wasn’t in the files.” Butcher’s eyes still haven’t left you. “Vought didn’t know did they?”

You don’t like the way he’s looking at you, don’t like the glimmer in his eyes as if you’d just solved all his problems. It was the exact look that was in the eyes of the scientists the day you took the serum for the first time. To them that’s all Ben and you were, lab rats, people who were stupid enough to listen to the wild ideas of glory and a better world they spouted.

“We should go.” You murmur, listening to the sounds of the ambulances and the police coming up the driveway. “It’s about to be a circus here and I'd rather not make my big social media debut covered in rubble and blood."

Ben’s mouth is clamped together, green eyes blazing at your mention of blood. You knew that he was focused on the bloody hole left behind in the corset where Homelander's laser had ripped through your body.

Another scar, another fun story to tell my daughter when I see her… great.

*****************************************

The car ride to Legend’s is dead silent. Ben doesn’t look at you, doesn’t try to hold your hand, and doesn’t try to touch you in any way. Instead his hands are curled into fists, sitting on the tops of his thighs while his anger heats the inside of the car like a furnace. You knew it was only a matter until he exploded, but now you had bigger things on your mind.

You had just exposed yourself to Homelander, showed your face to him, not to mention you admitted to being Indigo. It would be easy for him to find your real name in the Vought archives find your file and the same name that linked you to Rosemary. She’d gone back to her maiden name when her husband died, which meant the two of you had the same last name and it wouldn’t be difficult for Homelander to find her.

Which meant you needed to get to her first.

You had tried to text her, tried to tell her to have a bag ready and that you were going to pick her up, but she was refusing to do so and you didn’t exactly want to text “Homelander is a fucking psychopath and he’s going to come after you” to her phone. Plus you couldn’t exactly call her, not in this cramped car.

Legend is waiting on the front porch of his country home when Butcher pulls his car into the end of the long driveway, somewhere that you’d been to many times in the past. He's smoking a joint and scrolling through his phone, wearing the same outfit you had seen him in a few days ago.

"Kitten!" He smiles wide at you when he sees you and pulls you into a hug. “I was worried when I heard about that mess with Countess. You never called.” Legend frowns at you, blowing out a lungful of smoke. "Guess you guys had a talk."

"Something like that." You frown. "It got complicated really fast."

“I told you so.” His eyes shift to where Ben is glowering a foot behind you. "I see he found you. I didn't tell him-"

"I know you didn't. Thank you for keeping your promise." You smile tightly, squeezing Legend's hand. He really was a good friend. One of the oldest ones you had besides Ben.

"Figured if I did, you'd keep him from ripping my head off."

“Haven’t decided if I’m not going to yet.” Ben snarls and Legend's eyes widen in fear.

But you knew that he was just redirecting his anger. Ben was angry because you put yourself in harms way to protect him and the sooner you had it out, the sooner you could go get Rosemary and Lou.

"Ben we both know that you're not mad at Legend, you're mad at me. So you might as well spit it out, because we've got bigger problems than your hissy fit-" You begin to say. You were sick of him pouting, refusing to look at you, refusing to touch you.

"What the FUCK were you thinking?!" Ben roars towering over you, eyes flashing. "Getting between me and him like that!"

Legend backs away, afraid that he's going to get caught in the cross-fire.

"Calm down." You sigh, gritting your teeth together. You were trying your best not to lose it either, because the last thing this situation needed was you losing control.

"DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN." Ben's hands are clenched tightly into fists, his suit beginning to glow bright.

"You're going to have to calm down or you're going to blast me to kingdom come!" You snap back.

Ben grits his teeth together and closes his eyes tightly while his chest begins to fade back to normal and when it does, he opens his eyes to glare at you. "Why did you do that? I had him handled-"

"You didn't."

"Yes I did. You didn't give me a chance to-"

"No what I did was I didn't give that psychopath a chance to punch a hole through your chest with his fucking laser vision." You poke him in the chest. "Of the two of us, I have a greater chance of surviving that!”

By then Butcher and Hughie had moved to give the two of you a wide berth, standing where Legend was watching the two of you looking bored. They were probably hoping that you didn’t cut one of them in half with your new powers.

"Are they always like this?" You hear Butcher ask Legend from where they stand a safe distance away.

"Pretty much." Legend answers, blowing out a puff of the fowl smelling smoke.

"Do you ever get used to it?" Hughie mutters.

"Nope."

“Is there an off button?” Butcher sighs.

“Nope.” Legend puffs his joint.

"You don't know that!" Ben spits back at you. "I could have!"

"I wasn't willing to take that chance damnit!"

How can I make him understand this? How can he finally understand what it would be like for me to lose him all over again, just when I got him back?

"Do you really think that I'm willing to play Russian Roulette with your life?" Ben snarls, grabbing you by the shoulders so tightly you're sure they'll be bruises but all you can do is look into his quickly darkening eyes. "Do you have any idea what it did to me to see you die AGAIN? To see him TOUCH YOU? To know that he HURT you?"

"We've already had this conversation Ben-"

"And we're going to fucking have it again!" His grip tightens. "I told you to stay behind me!"

The last time he'd touched you like this was the night of the premiere, when he told you that he didn't care about you, that he could never love you. The memory of that night lodges itself in the back of your throat, but you keep it down.

"And I told you that I wasn't going to do that!"

"Damn it y/n you can't-"

You pull yourself away from him. "No Ben. You can't tell me what to do. You don't get to control me. People have tried to control me all my damn life and when I first came with you I thought I was giving that up. But no, I just moved on and Vought took over. When I decided to live my own life, to stop being a supe, I was free! Finally! After forty years of bullshit I was finally free!"

Ben’s jaw is so tightly locked together you think you hear the grinding of his teeth. “So what are you saying? Are you saying that when you’re with me you feel trapped? Like I’m holding you fucking hostage?!”

“No.” You exhale heavily. "I understand that you love me. I understand that you want to protect me. But you need to understand that I love you too. That just as you're willing to lay down your life for me, I am willing to lay down my life for you. And if you want this to work between us, you need to understand that you don't control me. You're not my dad or my owner, you're the man I love. And until you realize that I am just as capable of protecting you as you are protecting me-"

"I know that." Ben seethes.

"What?"

"Do you really think that I don't see how strong you are?” You watch something flash in his eyes that isn't anger, the vulnerable look is back for a fleeting moment and it rocks you to your core. "I don’t want to control you! I’m not trying to. Have you thought that maybe after all this time I just wanted you to need me like I need you?"

His confession makes your heart stop. Does he really think that I don’t need him? That after all these years there’s no one else that I’ve needed more in my entire life?

“Ben.” You sigh while stretching out your hand to lay against his arm, but he flinches away. “ I do need you. You have no idea how much I need you, no idea what it did to me when I lost you even after everything that happened. I just don’t want you to treat me like I’m made of glass.”

“I don’t treat you like you’re-“ He begins to say.

“Yes. You do. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to protect me, but you have to understand that I want to protect you too.”

He huffs out a breath, shoulders tensed, arms crossed over his muscular chest. “I do understand that. I just hate it when you do that, that you push me out of the way. I hate when you get hurt.”

“And I hate when you get hurt." You bite the inside of your cheek. "You say that you were angry that Homelander hurt me, but did you stop to consider what it did to me to see him try to hurt you? Do you know what it did to me to see him touch you?”

Ben stands there for a minute glaring down at you, before his gaze begins to soften. “No.” He grumbles.

“Exactly.”

You both stand there for a minute eyeing one another, daring the other to break the silence.

This is ridiculous.

Finally Ben, sighs out a breath and jerks you forward against his chest. The hug would be bone crushing for anyone else, but not to you.

“You’re so fucking annoying.” He mutters into the top of your head, while his body curves around yours.

“I love you too asshole.” You huff, hugging him back just as tight.

“See they always work it out.” Legend shrugs at Butcher. “Takes them a while to get there. They made my job so much harder in the 70’s. Though I will say it’s a relief that they’re finally admitting they love each other. Way too much sexual tension before, gave me anxiety.”

Ben pulls back to look at your face with another loud sigh. He still looks a little angry, but not angry enough to start shouting again. His thumb strokes against your cheek. “Are you okay?”

You nod once leaning into his touch. “Are you?” You brush back some of his dark hair out of his face, looking for bruises but you don’t see any.

“Yeah.” He nods.

“If the two of you are done, we have bigger things to worry about-“ Butcher begins to say.

“We are and we do.” You interrupt looking away from Ben to stare at Butcher. “I need to borrow your car.”

“Why?”

“I need to go back to the city.”

“What?” Ben sputters releasing you from his grasp.

“And I think it would be better if I went alone-“ You continue slowly.

Honestly you did think that it would be better if you went alone, but you didn’t want to. You wanted Ben to come with you, the problem was Rosemary.

“Like hell I’m letting you go alone with that son of a  bitch flying around!” Ben shouts, temper flaring again.

“Which is why I have to go.” You try to say it diplomatically, try to have him understand without having to explain it. But there’s really no way around it, around any of this.

“No.”

“Ben please c-"

“Don’t tell me to calm down again! I’m not being crazy. You’re not going after him!” His eyes blaze a brilliant green, as he crosses his hands over his chest.

“Ben-“

“Why can’t you listen to me for once?”

“BEN!” You shout, grabbing his face and holding his cheeks between your palms to catch his attention.

“What?” Ben’s eyes lock with yours.

“I’m not going to the city to go after Homelander.”

He pauses confused. “Then why are you-“

And you just can’t take it anymore. You can’t hold it in any longer, can’t think of a way to tell him without just ripping the bandaid off. Your eyes meet his, apologetic, determined, and just a little bit fearful.

“I’m going back into the city to get our daughter.”

A/N: I know I know, it's been a while and honestly I didn't mean to get hit by writer's block this bad 😂😭

But it kinda works out, because what better way to celebrate Father's Day than to tell Soldier Boy that he's a dad?

As always thank you so much for reading! There are big things coming! And thank so much for the love and support! If you'd like to be added to the taglist please let me know :)

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[demonic0angel]

Ok! Spoiler warning ship. Where Wes explains why he hates Danny. No one will believe him that fenton is phantom.

Steph looks him dead in the eye, takes a deep breath. Then explains to him in a dead serious tone how stupid and dangerous that is, not only to the hero, but him and everyone else too.

(It's funny that you ask me this. Just wait for tomorrow lmaooo)

"I know that. I was fourteen." Wes crossed his arms and looked away, glaring at nothing. "It doesn't mean that I can't hate Phantom."

Steph raised a finger and opened her mouth, ready to defend Phantom when she paused and reconsidered. Then she asked, "If you know that it was dangerous, why do you still hate him? Did he do something to you?"

"Yes!" Wes spat. "Even though I was fourteen and stupid, you know what he would do? He would transform in front of me and gloat that no one believed me! Like, I get that he had a secret identity but he laughed in my face because he thought it was funny that everyone thought I was lying! Not even my family— my brothers believed me! I was called 'the Crazy Weston' for years in high school!"

Steph pursed her lips. As a vigilante, she understood the importance of secret identities and Wes had almost purposefully endangered the lives of others by trying to reveal Phantom's. But it was true that Wes had only been fourteen when he found out, and Danny had no right to tease him when he should've just explained properly.

"... okay, I get that." She scooted over to press against him. Wes didn't react, still looking irritated. Steph continued, "But aren't you two friends now? I guess I find it weird that you still hate him after so long, especially when you guys help each other so much."

"I don't really care about Phantom. Danny is just an asshole," Wes growled.

Steph did not voice the fact that Wes could also occasionally be an asshole.

Wes must've noticed because he went silent and then he said, "But we're fine now or whatever. I have blackmail on him that I can use and he lets me do it. I'll protect him because he's a hero from my world and because he's our King, but I don't care if I'm rude or not. He owes me for those years of hell in high school."

Stephanie shrugged and then smiled, pressing herself against him again. "Well, it's not like I can say anything about your relationship with him. I just wanted to make sure you know about the importance of secret identities."

"I don't want to hear that from you, Miss Spoiler," Wes said, rolling his eyes but he uncurled his arms and then wrapped one around her, pulling her closer to kiss her hair.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, just cuddling and enjoying each other's presence. Learning something new about each other was always fascinating. Steph suddenly sighed.

"Y'know, I don't know how I didn't realize before, but you're really petty."

"Excuse me? I'll have you know that I—"

Wes began to rant and Steph couldn't help but laugh at his indignation. In the end, he attacked her with angry kisses until she was shrieking with laughter.

Her boyfriend may be petty and vindictive, but at the very least, he was all hers.

(Note: I actually love how the fandom characterize Wes and I especially LOVE how hostile Wes can be. People don't seem to realize that they created the perfect character to be a villain bc let's not forget that since Kyle Weston is headcanoned to be Jazz's age, Wes is in the perfect position to threaten Danny's loved ones, especially with how Danny seems to tease him a lot (which is probably infuriating). I imagine that Wes and Danny have a frenemy relationship (that is a little one-sided), but they will help each other if need to be. Imo, with how the phandom characterizes them both interacting, they are BOTH in the wrong.)

[breezeflows]

The Long Road (Stanford Pines x Reader)

Chapter 3

WOOP WOOP CHAPTER 3 IS HERE AND BOY IS IT JUICY🫣 On a serious note though, we are finally getting into some of the exciting bits of the story!! I’m hoping by the next chapter we will finally be back in the present. No more sad flashbacks!! Also y’all writing Lizzy is genuinely my favorite. If this fic wasn’t about Ford I’d be wifing her up instead😔 Anyways- here’s chapter 3 you lovely souls!

Themes: Consumption of alcohol (reader lowkey gets wasted), major hangover, bill himself is a warning, suggestiveness kind of?? idk, heartache, lizzy is overall an amazing friend, alllll the angst and feelings, injuries, etc okay enjoy!

The drive to Lizzy’s place is quiet, the steady hum of the car engine and the sound of raindrops against the windshield the only background noise. You sit in the passenger seat, watching the trees pass by through the window as you fiddle with the wedding band around your finger. Lizzy glances at you occasionally, a small frown on her face as she senses your mood. She remains silent for most of the ride, giving you space to process your emotions if need be.

It's not long before the car rolls to a stop in front of her apartment building. You reach around to gather your belongings from the backseat and step out into the rainy afternoon. Lizzy follows suit, bright pink umbrella in hand as she leads you towards the entrance.

Once inside the building, she unlocks the door to her apartment building and the two of you usher inside. The soft yellow light of the living room envelopes you, creating a cozy atmosphere in stark contrast to the gloominess outside.

Lizzy begins to kick off her shoes, hanging her keys as she silently studies your face. She can see the turmoil in your eyes, and the uncertainty you’re trying to hide.

“So,” she says gently, breaking the silence. “You okay?”

Your eyes snap out of the daze they were in as you look over at Lizzy, giving her a weak smile.

“Oh, yeah I guess. Things went a lot better than I thought they would.”

Her expression relaxes at your response, a hint of relief showing on her face.

“That’s good,” she says as she walks over to the couch and plops down on it, gesturing for you to do the same. “I was half-expecting a tearful scene or something, honestly.”

You manage a light chuckle at her remark, plopping down on the couch next to her. You pull your knees to your chest as you grab a blanket draped across the back of it, wrapping it around you.

“Yeah,” you say softly. “Ford took it pretty well, actually. Better than I expected.”

Lizzy raises a brow as she leans against the back cushions, her arms crossing. “Girl, he better take it well after what he said to you. If it had been me, I would’ve dropped his ass on the spot.”

You can’t help but let out a small snort of laughter at her words, a genuine smile tugging at the corners of your lips for the first time in a while. It’s a relief to have Lizzy’s no-nonsense attitude around, her bluntness serving as a much-needed dose of honesty.

“Yeah, yeah Liz, I know.” you admit, the smile still lingering on your face. “I was a little tempted.”

Lizzy grins, satisfied with your response as she reaches over and pats your knee supportively.

“As you should,” she says with a nod. “You don’t deserve treatment like that of any kind, no matter how important his research is to him.”

You frown slightly at her words, opting to pick at the blanket below as a distraction.

“Yeah..”

Lizzy watches your expression carefully, sensing your discomfort. She tilts her head slightly, her gaze searching your face.

“But you don’t quite agree, do you?” she probes gently.

You let out a sigh, unsure how to articulate your feelings as you continue to fiddle with the fabric of the blanket.

“It’s just… complicated Liz,” you say, your voice tinged with guilt and frustration. “Yes, I’m hurt and angry with him, but I also understand where he’s coming from. We’ve been together almost our whole lives, and this is all he has ever worked towards. His research is important to him, and he’s under a lot of pressure.”

Lizzy nods slowly as she listens to your words, her expression a mix of understanding and concern. She reaches over and places a hand on top of yours, stopping your nervous fidgeting.

“I get that Y/N, I do,” she says quietly. “And I’m not saying he’s completely in the wrong. But you shouldn’t have to feel like an afterthought in his life either. That’s not fair to you.”

Your eyes brim with tears at her response, your hand twisting and taking hers tightly.

“I know,” you say, your voice threatening to break. “I just wish we could fix things..”

Lizzy squeezes your hand as your tear-filled eyes meet hers.

“And you will, Y/N. It’ll just take some time.”

A small, wobbly smile forms on your lips at her reassurance, a few tears slipping down your cheeks. The hope that you might be able to fix things with Ford, to find a way to bridge the gap that’s widened between you both, is a small but significant comfort.

“Thank you, Liz,” you murmur, your voice still shaky. “I really hope you’re right.”

Lizzy stands with a smile, her hand pulling away from yours and resting on your shoulder.

“I know I’m right chick, because you two love each other. I’ve seen it.”

Your heart warms at her confidence, a soft smile forming on your lips as you nod.

“Now, how about some pizza?”

The few weeks you spend with Lizzy fly by, days passing in a blur of movies, late-night conversations, and plenty of chocolate induced comfort eating. As the final night of your stay approaches, Lizzy turns to you with a sly grin on her face.

“Y/N, I know you’ve been pretty reclusive the past couple of weeks, but it’s your last night here and I refuse to let you spend it watching crappy movies in my living room.”

She places her hands on her hips and gives you a stern look.

“We’re going out for drinks and that’s final.”

You mope as you walk into her view from the bathroom, your voice annoyed and pleading as you speak.

“Liz, I don’t think this is a good idea. I’m a married woman, and this dress feels less than... modest.”

Lizzy rolls her eyes, her expression clearly unconvinced.

“Girl, you’re not here to pick up someone, you’re here to have fun. And as for the dress I picked out for you, it looks fantastic. Stop overthinking it.”

She gives you a onceover, inspecting your outfit.

“Besides, I’d like to see anyone who tries hitting on you tonight.”

You pout as you watch her, pulling down your dress so it covers your knees.

“I don’t know how Ford would feel about this..”

Lizzy scoffs, shaking her head.

“Ford’s not here, and we both know he should be the last person you’re trying to impress right now. You’re still young, and attractive Y/N, you deserve to enjoy yourself for one night without him on your mind. Not to mention you’ve got to live your life without kids while you can. I know the two of you have talked about it. ”

She grabs the hem of your dress and tugs it back up, flashing you a defiant look.

“And if he has a problem with you having fun, he can talk to me.”

You sigh as you give in, knowing Lizzy wouldn’t be changing her mind about your all’s plans for the night.

“Fine, fine. But we’re not staying out too late, okay?”

Lizzy grins, victorious.

“That’s more like it! And don’t worry, I promise we won’t be out until dawn,” she assures you. “Just a few drinks, maybe a little dancing, and then we’ll come back here. You trust me, right?”

“More than anything Liz.”

And that’s how you find yourself at the bar now, one too many drinks in and slumped against Lizzy’s shoulder.

She laughs at your state, her own cheeks flushed from drinking. She slings an arm around your shoulders, keeping you upright and steady in the booth the two of you occupied.

“Goodness chick, are you already trashed? We’ve barely been here an hour!” she teases, her voice lighthearted and amused.

You grumble something in response, your head spinning from the alcohol in your system. You take another sip from your glass, your tongue loose and inhibitions lowered.

“I blame you,” you slur, pointing an accusatory finger at Lizzy. “You’re a bad influence.”

Lizzy laughs loudly at your accusation, her eyes sparkling. “No one forced you to down those shots, Y/N,” she says, sliding out of the booth with ease. “I’m going to get you some water, alright? You stay right here in your seat.”

You nod lazily at her words, the idea of staying where you are very appealing. You watch groggily as she strides away, her bell bottoms and flare top in tow. She weaves through the crowd to make her way to the counter, your eyes becoming heavy.

Just as you’re starting to doze off from the alcohol, a presence suddenly sits down in the booth across from you. You blink in surprise, your vision clearing slightly as you focus on the newcomer.

Your eyes widen as you recognize your husband’s face, his features strangely serious and intense as he stares back at you. But there’s something off about him… Something otherworldly in his gaze that sends a chill down your spine.

“Well, well,” he says, his voice cool and calculated. “If it isn’t dear Y/N. You look a little worse for wear.”

Your vision blurs as you grip the side of the table, your words slurred as you speak.

“F.. Ford?”

Ford smiles widely, his eyes sparkling with a hint of mischief. The expression is slightly unfamiliar, different from the familiar warmth you’re used to. He leans forward, resting his elbows on the table.

“In the flesh, honey,” he drawls, his voice smooth and flirtatious.

“But I see you’ve had quite a few drinks already. Feeling a little dazed? I wonder how Sixer would feel about me seeing you in this state and not him. Hilarious!”

Your arm trembles weakly as you hold yourself up, vision blurring in and out as you sway slightly in your seat.

“Wha.. What? Why are you.. here..?”

His lips curl into a smug smirk as he eyes your disheveled form, eyes lingering on your exposed skin, clearly enjoying your confusion and intoxication.

“Oh, I had a little chat with Fordsy earlier. He agreed to let me take the reins for a few hours…”

He gives a careless shrug. “You know how he is. All work and no play. Figured I’d take advantage of the situation, hell, I even got him a new tattoo!”

You sit there, dumbfounded and wavering in and out of consciousness as your mind tried to process what Ford was talking about.

Ford’s – or rather, Bill’s – eyes rake over you again, giving an exaggerated sigh before his lips turned into a sly grin.

“You really are a sight for sore eyes, I can see why Sixer married you.”

Your thoughts are still spinning from the alcohol, making it hard to focus on the conversation. You struggle to keep yourself upright, your body feeling heavy and numb.

Bill notices your dazed state, chuckling as he gives a mockingly sympathetic tone.

“You look a little out of it, darling. You really shouldn’t have had so much to drink. Especially considering how easy it’d be to trick you into a deal right now.”

Your mind races with confusion as you stand up weakly, your gut telling you something wasn’t right as you sway back and forth, (Or maybe it was the alcohol) your vision blurring as you scan the place in search of Lizzy.

“Going somewhere? Those human legs of yours don’t look very stable!”

You wobble forward, ignoring his protests as you keep moving.

“You really should listen to me if you want to avoid that nasty bruise tomorrow!”

He calls out, and before you know it you trip, and everything goes black.

Hours later… aka early morning.

You slowly open your eyes, your head pounding and your memories fuzzy. You realize you’re lying on a couch in Lizzy’s apartment, a cool cloth pressed over what you assume to be a large tender bruise on your forehead.

Lizzy is sitting perched on the edge of the coffee table in front of you, her expression a mix of worry and frustration. She notices your eyes flutter open and lets out a relieved sigh.

“Oh thank god,” she mutters. “You had me worried for a second there. I stayed up with you all night waiting for you to wake up.”

“Liz?” you mumble, head pounding. “What the hell happened? My head is killing me..”

Her expression softens at your groggy murmur, her hand reaching out instinctively to brush the hair away from your face.

“Hey, take it easy,” she says, voice low and soothing. “You took a pretty nasty fall back at the bar. Hit your head on a table on the way down.”

Your eyes widen as your memory jogs itself.

“What..? Wait, Ford.. Ford was there?”

Lizzy freezes, her expression guarded at the mention of Ford. She averts her gaze, focusing her attention on the cloth that she’s holding against your forehead.

“Uh, yeah,” she says, her voice hesitant. “He showed up towards the end of the night when I went to grab you a water… You don’t remember?”

You think to yourself for a moment, your memory patchy and vague.

“I mean, I kind of do. But it was weird? Did something happen?”

Lizzy is silent, her gaze still firmly averted from yours. She adjusts the cloth, pressing it against your head with a little more pressure than necessary.

“Nothing happened,” she finally says, her voice tight. “You just had a little too much to drink and tripped, that’s all.”

Her words are curt and dismissive, clearly trying to downplay the situation. But there’s something in her expression, a flicker of unease that betrays her true emotions.

She glances at you briefly, her eyes meeting yours for a split second before moving back to your injury.

“Lizzy..?” you say, silently pleading with her to tell you the full truth.

She exhales slowly, her shoulders slumping in resignation. She knows you’re not going to let this go, and she owes you the truth.

“Alright, fine,” she mutters avoiding your gaze. “When I got back to the booth, it was exactly when you had fell..”

You listen closely, sitting yourself up slightly.

“I had noticed Ford when I got there, sure, but when I went to go help you..”

Lizzy pauses, a frown forming on her face as she continues.

“Ford laughed,” she says as her eyes meet yours, full of concern and.. fear? “And not in a lighthearted way, in a cruel mocking way Y/N..”

Lizzy lowers the cloth from your head, placing it in her lap as you sit there, dumbfounded.

“He was just… enjoying the view, I guess,” She mutters bitterly. “Like you were some kind of joke, I don’t know Y/N. It was fucking weird, really fucking weird. I didn’t like it. He laughed as if he was the one who had done it.”

Lizzy trails off, brows furrowed as she clenches her fists. While you, on the other hand, are utterly speechless.

Your mind reels with this new information, struggling to reconcile the image of Ford – laughing coldly and mockingly at your predicament - with the caring, affectionate husband you’ve known him to be your whole life.

“I… I don’t understand,” you stutter, your voice small and confused.

“He wouldn’t… he wouldn’t do that. Not Ford.”

But as you say those words, you can’t help but recall the other strange things that had happened earlier that night. Ford’s detached demeanor, his unfamiliar choice of words, the way he seemed so cold and calculating. Your heart clenches in your chest at the thought, leaving a sour taste in your mouth. Had something happened over the few weeks you’ve been gone? Did Ford get too deep in his research? Something wasn’t right.

As you try to make sense of the situation, Lizzy watches you with a mix of compassion and concern. She knows this is incredibly tough for you to hear, but she also seems to have her own worries about the situation.

“I don’t know Y/N,” she says quietly, her hands twisting in her lap. “It was just… so not him. I don’t know what the hell happened. But I’ve never seen him act like that before. It’s like he was a different person.”

Her voice trails off, leaving the two of you in silence as you’re both lost in thought.

Eventually, Lizzy breaks the silence, her voice sympathetic as she places a hand on top of yours.

“How about this, you rest up today, and when you’re ready, I’ll take you to the cabin to get some answers from Ford? Only if you feel comfortable, of course.”

You take a deep breath, trying to calm the storm of emotions inside of you.

“Alright,” you murmur. “I’m still feeling pretty rough, but I’d like to see him… tonight, if possible.”

Despite your confusion and worry, you know that facing your husband and talking with him is the only way to get answers. The answers that you crave so desperately in hopes that it’ll mend your breaking heart - and marriage.

Lizzy gives you a reassuring nod.

“Of course,” she says gently. “You rest up, and I’ll come get you when it’s time to go.”

She stands up, gently readjusting the cloth on your head.

“Try to get some sleep, okay?”

You nod, laying yourself back down.

You’re going to need it to cross the bridge that awaits you tonight.

READER AND BILL INTERACTION WOOP WOOP!! Also I’m not gonna lie, I feel like I messed up the timeline a little bit but I’m just gonna go for it. Thank you for reading! :)

Tag List: @artistic-gato @karmaisacatluzi @therottenheartofscum @violetvsworld @inquiit @catr4dora

[mntozakii]

sugar — lee haechan

pairing: haechan x female reader

tags: stepcest, age gap (6 years), unprotected sex, haechan is a little bit insane but it's fine ☹️

note: been having haechan brainrot so plz enjoy this

minors do not interact and all characters are in legal age

[unedited]

before your first encounter with the boy, his father has warned you that his son can be very mischievous. it turned out to be wrong because the haechan that you met was silent, you didn't have to know that he was actually angry. he believed that a pretty girl like you shouldn't be around men like his father, he knew that his workaholics father will neglect you in the future.

much to your delight, haechan warmed up and became closer to you since his father is always on a business trip. haechan just absolutely adore the way his father's young trophy wife showed up to his soccer games, coding competition, and took care of him like a good mommy. in return, he gave you a lot of affection and love. your sweet boy haechan who never disrespect you, listened to you more than his father, and indulged into your silly little hobbies. he didn't mind to follow around the store like a kicked puppy as you spend his father's black card.

haechan who can't be mean with you. at first, he wanted to make your life miserable but you were so kind and lovely to him. you think of him so fondly that it never crossed on your mind that he's taking advantage of you.

haechan who whines about his sore back so you will massage him and he finds it amusing that you laugh whenever he moans, if only you knew that haechan creamed his pants.

haechan who loves to share his food and feels his pupils dilate whenever your mouth opens nicely as he feeds you.

haechan who offers to do the laundry so he can steal your panties, he secretly touches himself with the flimsy silk.

to be honest, you weren't bothered with haechan's behaviour since you've seen how the boy acted around his relatives and friends. you assumed that it was only natural for him to be so attached with you, after all you're his new mother.

haechan has to thank his parents for making baby as his nickname because now he gets to hear you call him baby everyday.

"baby, don't forget to eat your breakfast"

"haechan baby, can you help me with the grocery?"

"good job baby, you're so smart"

four years went by and your sweet sunshine is no longer a pretty boy, he stood taller than you and looked intimidating than ever. however, he was still the same cheeky boy you've know. haechan attended law school, following his father's path. to be frank, it wasn't his first option but you had beg so prettily for him to listen to his father.

even though haechan was hundred miles away from you, he will still occasionally visit you. besides, he texted you everyday and updated you with everything. you knew the names of the professors that he hated, his pretentious classmates, and his roomate jeno.

"i want to see your face" haechan sent a selfie of him on bed with his messy brown hair.

"i'm on a date" you sent a selfie with his father which he replied with an eye roll emoji. you probably laugh at his choice of emoji but he genuinely felt pissed off. all he wanted was to see your face and he got a picture of the old man kissing your cheek.

"i miss having meals with you" haechan sent a picture of his pathetic dinner that consisted of ramen, few packs of sandwiches, and milk.

"my baby, please eat a proper meal" you sighed as you looked at his simple dinner, you'll remind your husband to pay extra attention to his allowance.

when haechan had few days off from school, he decided to suprise you by taking a flight home. upon his arrival, he was flustered to hear choked cries coming from your room. he knows that his father was home so he opted to peek from behind the door, his face turned into a soft frown when he saw your naked body on his father's lap.

"honey, please, i want to have a child with you" his heart burned with jealousy watching you hold his father's face as you cried, he never get to see your vulnerability before.

"i feel alone, the house seems so empty without haechan. it is a perfect timing for us to raise a child together, right?" his heart broke seeing your attempt to convince his father, haechan felt your frustration by the strong grip on the older man's shirt. he never know that you felt alone while he was away, he felt even worse when the accompany that you now wanted was in a form of a child.

"my sweetheart, i understand how you feel but can you wait for a few more months? once everything is settled at the firm, we will talk about this again" haechan had to physically control himself from letting a scoff, he knew that his father's promise meant nothing. the younger man headed to his room while he waited for his father to return to his office.

as soon as he heard the car left, he went outside to find you. his lips turned into a smirk when he saw you eating a pint of ice-cream, he was quick to attack you with a tight hug. you let out a shriek before hitting his chest when you realised it was haechan.

"haechan, you didn't tell me that you were coming home!" you reciprocated his hug and chuckled when the brunet pecked you on the cheek.

"i wanted to surprise you" he mumbled as he wiped the cream at the corner of your lips, he pulled you to the couch and kept you close to him. he wrapped his hand around your shoulder as he listened to you while the movie play mindlessly in the background.

"baby, have some" haechan smiled when you fed him the ice-cream. he found it very cute when you call him baby because he liked to take advantage of it, it almost felt like you will always forgive him for his mistakes.

haechan loved whenever you wear polo shirt especially if it was paired with a mini skirt. today, you were wearing his favourite white shirt paired with a midi skirt. you looked so beautiful, he can't help but to stare at your thighs through the slit of the skirt.

"why are you so pretty today? i want to play with you" his hand slid inside the skirt before he softly rubbed your inner thigh while maintaining eye contact with you. it wasn't unusual for haechan to be clingy but he should never touch you in that way.

"haechan, what are you doing?" your heart pounded heavily when his hand dangerously headed north.

"baby, your hand—" you tried to push it away but it was no use, his grip only tighten on your body. haechan leaned closer to leave wet kisses on your neck, he missed you so much.

"no— haechan, we cannot do this" your second attempt to shove him away failed since he was so much stronger than you, he didn't even budge at all.

"hmm, why can't we do this?" his mellifluous voice whined before he pulled you to his lap, his hands rested on your side as he eyefucked you.

"my father doesn't want to put a baby into you and i want to do the opposite of that, isn't that good?" his voice made the question sounded so innocent meanwhile in reality, he was talking about making you pregnant with his child. he must've overheard your talk with your husband, you wanted to believe that haechan was just confused with his feelings towards you.

"haechan, your father will get very mad at you" you mumbled as you reached for his hands, holding them tightly so he won't touch you again. haechan admired your effort to put him in his place, it was an adorable attempt. he easily pulled his hands away from you before carrying you to his room, he made sure to lock the door before cornering you to his bed.

"baby, baby, baby" he mocked the way your small voice always call for his name, he took off his shirt and sat on the bed. you can't help but to notice how different he looked now, his body was becoming lean and his features has developed into a handsome man. haechan held your hand as you stood still with guilt written all over your face.

was it your fault for spoiling haechan rotten until he thinks that he can get whatever he wants?

was it your fault for not creating a clear boundaries with your step son?

was it your fault for getting a little aroused with his little antics today?

"mommy, give me a chance to please you" haechan begged with the prettiest doe eyes ever, you are aware that you can say no, leave his room, and pretend that nothing happened but something inside you was thrilled to see more of him.

haechan grew impatient waiting for your reply, he decided to have you on his lap again before a brilliant idea popped out.

"you can tell me to stop and i will" haechan promised before he unbuttoned your shirt, he tried to read your expression but failed to do so. haechan chuckled seeing purple bruises all over your chest, you must had a steamy night yesterday.

"my father is a greedy bastard, isn't he?" he muttered before doing the exact thing that his father did to you last night, except haechan was aiming for your neck.

"baby, not on the neck, he will notice it" you pulled on his hair to take a look at his face, he seemed to be disappointed when he failed to mark you.

his hands gently groped on your tits and nipples, he alternated in between sucking, biting, and pulling on your hard buds. haechan felt his ego skyrocketed when you started to whimper and begged for more.

haechan positioned you to lay down comfortably on his bed before he took off your panties, he kept the skirt on because it looked lovely on you. haechan couldn't believe that he was finally staring at your naked body, he had been fantasizing this for years.

"such a pretty pussy" haechan praised you and chuckled when he noticed your hole clenched at nothing, he didn't know that you were already leaking wet.

"hmm, it's so tight, does he not fuck you at all?" haechan queried as he stuffed your hole with his middle finger, he moaned seeing you tighten around his digit. since he was eager to satisfy you, he added another finger and played with your clit using his other hand.

instead of making you reach your high, haechan kept on edging until you became so frustrated. he will rub your clit in the most delicious circles and stopped whenever you're almost close. the moment when he noticed your legs started to twitch, he will take his hand off your pussy and let you cry for more.

"haechan, don't be mean to me" you had to hold back a sob because you've been denied for so many times and it felt so painful. you tried to touch yourself but he gently smacked your clit as a warning, he wanted to see you come on his cock instead of his fingers. he got on top of you and let your legs rest on his shoulders, he gave a few kisses on your calf before pulling out his dick.

"i prepped you so well, you should be able to take it like a good girl, right?" he rubbed the tip on your entrance and slightly pushed the tip to elicit another moan from you.

one thing that haechan had always dreamt off was kissing you, he had various imagination to kept him on edge whenever he jerked off. he used to imagine fucking you on the mattress that you share with his father, he also fantasized about fucking you in the kitchen too. today, he will do everything that he wanted for so many years.

haechan bit his lip as he slowly pushed himself inside your warm cunt, it felt so fucking good that he wanted to cry. haechan leaned closer to kiss your lips and giggled when he tasted the lip gloss, you had put it on him for fun before but it tasted so much sweeter on your lips.

"baby, what's so funny?" you asked then laughed when he shrugged it off and hid his face on your chest as his hips kept on thrusting into your poor hole.

"this is better than everything i used to dream off" haechan admitted before pulling you into another kiss, you realised that the brown haired boy liked to be messy when kissing. he was so desperate and wanted to swallow you whole if he could, he slowly trailed down to your neck and started to suck and bite on it.

"baby, be gentle with it" you reminded him as you caressed his hair, you admitted that he was doing so well and it scared you. the younger boy decorated your neck with fresh red marks before he intertwined your hands together.

"i'm going to fill you up with my seed, get you pregnant with my child, that'll make you a real mommy" haechan whispered before he continued to fuck you real hard, every each of his thrust hits your cervix and drove you to madness.

"baby, no— haechan, you have to pull out" your hands weakly push him away but it only fueled him to pound your hole mercilessly, he knew that you were close and he wanted to come together. a few more penetration and haechan felt your walls contracted tightly around his veiny cock, he shot ropes of warm semen inside your pussy.

you can't help but to whine at the warm feelings inside you, haechan panted softly as pulled you into a tight hug. he caressed your messy hair and adored the marks he left on your body.

"did i do a good job, mommy?"

[thezombieprostitute]

Tech Tuesday: Ransom Drysdale

Summary: Your laptop needs repair and you're at risk of embarrassing yourself and the company in front of some very big investors.

Warnings: Ransom kinda being an ass. Let me know if I missed any.

A/N: Reader is female. No other physical descriptors used.

Tech Tuesdays Masterlist

Part 3

You knock on the wall to Ransom's cubicle, startling him out of his focus. He gives you confused look, "what are you wearing?"

"It's my costume," you inform him, giggling. "I'm Bubbles! Me and a couple friends are dressed up as the Powerpuff Girls."

"I have no idea who the Powerpuff Girls are but 'Bubbles' is certainly appropriate for you."

"Thank you!"

Ransom gives you a confused look, "is there something you need?"

"I have a little thank you gift," you say as you bounce on your toes a little.

"And you couldn't just leave it on my desk or something?"

"That would be invading your space," you say, tilting your head in confusion. "That would be incredibly rude of me."

Ransom gives you a look you can't decipher before grumbling, "well thank you for that."

"Not a problem," you grin. You rock back and forth a little in expectation of an invite but he seems to be getting back to work. "Um, may I enter? So I can give you your thank you gift?"

He rolls his eyes and sighs a little, "so long as it's just a one-time thing, sure."

"I'll make a mental note to be sure to ask permission each time," you beam as you step towards his desk. "Oh! You have candy!"

"It's not for me," Ransom shakes his head. "Jake and his wife are bringing their toddlers around for some kind of Halloween practice and Syverson's told everyone in the department they're required to participate."

You're practically shaking with excitement, "that is so adorable! Oh, please tell me there will be pictures? I'd love to see the kids in their costumes! They're still toddlers? Oh, they're gonna be so small and tiny and adorable!"

Ransom holds out his hands in a placating gesture and you force yourself to calm down. You're getting the impression he doesn't do well around energetic people.

"I'll make sure Jake emails you some pictures," Ransom huffs.

You give a small squeal of delight, "thank you!" Your eyes widen as you realize you've been distracted from the purpose of your visit. "Before I forget again," you reach into your bag and pull out the sweater weather pusheen you got for him.

"What...what is this thing?" Ransom asks.

You pause for a moment and Ransom thinks the question broke your brain. "Okay," you start, "I kind of understand not knowing who the Powerpuff Girls are, you were probably 'too old for cartoons' when the show came out. But you're telling me you don't know about Pusheen? It's everywhere!"

Ransom's face contorts into an angry pout, "I guess I just don't pay enough attention."

His reaction makes you stop in your tracks, realizing you've overstepped. "I'm sorry," you tell him. "That was rude of me. Not everyone pays attention to the things that I care about and I should recognize that."

Ransom's face softens, "it's fine." You stand there, awkwardly, for a bit before Ransom asks if there's anything else you need.

"I just..." you take a deep breath. You need to be careful here. "Would you like to be friends?" Ransom raises an eyebrow. "You just...and I'm sorry if I'm being too much, or if I'm wrong, but...you seem like you could use a friend or two? Even if it's just here at the office?"

Ransom freezes as he tries to keep himself calm. He knows he needs others in life, it's one of the things he's been learning from the psychology books and programs. But it still hurts, deeply, to be called out on it.

You see the barely concealed rage on his face and whisper, "I'm sorry. I'll back off."

"You're not wrong," Ransom confesses quietly. "It's just a very sore spot for me."

"Would it be okay if I occasionally came around to chat?" Your voice is full of optimism that has Ransom fighting his instinct to roll his eyes. "You can do the same too. If you need to talk, just stop by my desk! Or if you wanna chat in the break room or something."

Ransom sighs, "okay."

Tech Tuesdays Masterlist

Part 3

Tagging: @alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @ellethespaceunicorn; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory;

@late-to-the-party-81; @lokislady82; @ozwriterchick; @ronearoundblindly; @lokislady82

[rafedaddy01]

Kissing in the Rain

Summary: Rafe picks reader up from a date and let’s her complain about all the sleazy things he did and when he gets angry and jealous they get in an argument, but as he drives her home it starts raining really bad and they have to pull over. They get a motel room and things get a little too heated.

Warnings: none

Notes: this was another request, but it was anonymous so I don’t know who sent it :( but whoever did thank you!!

It was 12am and your date had taken you to a party, one were he left you all alone and you found him making out with, not one, but two girls.

You didn’t even bother confronting him.

You simply stepped outside and dialed the one person you knew you could always rely on. Rafe.

“Y/n? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing Rafe, ca-can you come pick me up?”

“Ar-are you okay? Where are you”

“I’ll send you my address”

You sit and wait and see Rafes truck pull up.

“Get in” he says as he reaches over from inside the truck and opens your door.

“Thanks for coming” you awkwardly say as he drives away.

“No problem, but uh… I thought you were on a date.” He says the last word a bit to harshly. “What happened?”

“Ugh, don’t even get me started. I don’t know why I even decided to go out with him, my friend said he was a catch.” You snort as you remember what you caught him doing “I’m just glad I got away without a fight”

Rafe nods as he listens to you.

“You know, I don’t think you should be dating. Especially so soon”

You roll your eyes as Rafe brings up JJ, your most recent boyfriend.

“Rafe. Don’t start”

“I’m serious y/n, I warned you about him too. You just don’t listen, you shouldn’t be with a guy like him you should be -“ he cuts himself off and your about to ask him what he was gonna say when it starts pouring.

“Ah shit, I can’t see anything” he groans as he turns on his high beams but it’s still no use “I think we have to pull over”

Rafe pulls into the closest building to us, a motel.

“Weather app says it won’t stop raining till morning.”

“Maybe we should get a room” you suggest “I’m pretty tired and we really should continue this conversation when your not driving”

Rafe nods and you both get out of the car and head inside.

Your sopping wet as you both enter the room.

“I’m gonna shower” you announce

Before you walk off Rafe tugs your arm

“Y/n. What I was gonna say earlier-“

“Rafe, stop. You don’t -“

“I love you” he says

You laugh a little as you look into his eyes. Once you see he is serious your smile disappears.

“Rafe..”

“Y/n I’m serious. I know you feel it too, don’t try to deny it! Why do you think it never worked with any of those guys?”

He walks toward you and you don’t move. Instead your eyes are locked with his, occasionally dropping down to his lips.

He’s right. You’ve liked him for some time now. Who are you kidding, you’ve loved him since you first laid eyes on him.

“Tell me to stop”

His hands grip your waist and pull you in.

You place your hand on his chest, feeling his heart pound.

Water droplets falls off your hair and running down your cheeks.

“Tell me to stop and I will” he whisperes as he pressing his forehead to yours and leans his lips closer.

He smirks at your silence as he finally dips down and fully captures your lips with his.

He kisses you like your his breath of oxygen, like he’s drowning and your his only supply of air. He heals your soul with his kiss.

You both start slowly undressing each others, lips still entangled.

He leads you to the bathroom and props you up on the counter, pulling away only to start the shower.

He smiles as he walks back to you and cups your face. He pecks your lips and picks you up, placing you down in the shower.

“Let me show you just why I’m the only one you’ll ever need”

@f4ll-for-you @v21sstuff @rafeysworldim19 @baby19sthings @eventualoptimism @drewstarkeysbae @sevenwivesofrafecameron @rxfecameronsslut @findapenny @r1vrsefx @spencerreidsrealgf

[ae-azile]

If I ever catch up with my WIPs, I have (another) plot bunny in my head...

Chay is still so angry. He's angry at Porsche for lying to him and joining the mafia. He's angry at Korn for likely killing his father, taking their mother away, and making her into whatever shell of a person she is now. He's even angry at Kinn for making his brother happier than Chay has ever seen him, because that means they are never going to leave this place.

But most of all - despite how fucked up those reasons are - he is still so angry with Kim. He still won't talk to him, but he dreams about him every single night. It isn't fair.

So when he wakes up after a rare dreamless sleep, he feels grateful for about five seconds until he realizes where he is. He's back in his old room, his old house, and completely alone. And when he finds his phone plugged in on the nightstand, it is almost a year behind. If he weren't so freaked out by waking up in his old bed without knowing how he got there, he would smash his phone against the wall. The screen displaying the date he went on that college tour and first met Kim is NOT doing his brain and heart any favors. He calms down for about five minutes when he convinces himself this must be some kind of dream, one that doesn't directly include Kim yet still somehow inserts him into the overall narrative.

But Ohm calls and asks if they are still meeting at their go-to coffee shop so they can gush about Wik before seeing him perform in person - just like he had asked the day it actually happened. So Chay tells him he'd rather die, hangs up the phone, and decides to eat breakfast instead. He makes it down four steps before tripping down the rest and promptly breaking his neck.

Then he wakes up. Again. In his old bed on the day of the tour. When he decides to ignore Ohm's call and take a shower instead, he slips against the porcelain and cracks his head against the wall.

He takes a hint by the third time and goes to the college to see Kim. Kim looks as good as he did the first time and doesn't pay Chay any mind until Chay obnoxiously shouts out the answers to Kim's stupid trivia questions. For some reason, that is an offense that makes getting tased by security justified.

To give Kim a little credit, Chay hears him yelling stop before losing consciousness.

When he wakes up for the fourth time, he realizes he is going to have to go about this a little differently. He goes to the school tour, attends the concert, corrects the girl's answer, and approaches Kim after the show when Ohm drags him over to get his shirt. Chay knows there is no shirt and that Kim's signature, lessons, and expensive guitar aren't worth the heartbreak. Chay wants to tell him as much.

But Kim smiles at him kindly, no recognition in his eyes as he looks towards his friend in hopes to give Chay a shirt. It's then that it truly clicks that Kim doesn't know him, at least not yet. He may have figured out who he was shortly after meeting him and offered the lessons for information, but right now? He has no clue.

Chay is suddenly the one who knows everything and has the upperhand.

So Chay - against every instinct he has - asks Kim for those lessons once again. This time, it's going to be different.

This time, Chay is going to break Kim's heart first.

Notes for plot:

- Chay will die every so often, causing the loop to start once more. Sometimes he gets a month or two in, other times he gets a few days, hours, or even minutes in.

- Chay will occasionally get sidetracked from his mission to destroy Kim. He thinks it could be an opportunity to pull his brother away from the mafia prior to Porsche becoming so attached to and in love with Kinn. He also tries to save his mother singlehandedly. It does not go well.

- After several loops and a couple of long, interrupted bouts, Kim starts becoming more aware. He recognizes Chay in the crowd and starts breaking script.

- It becomes clear this isn't some simulation. Somehow, Kim is now getting trapped into this curse too, but it's more gradual.

- They end up having to work together, all while Kim is struggling to remember what happened in the original timeline.

- Kim and Chay end up falling in love in a way that is more authentic and based in truth - after Chay gets a few loops where he one ups Kim, breaks his heart first, and gets it out of his system.

- Other characters start becoming more aware when Chay regularly deviates from the loop in ways that won't kill him. This results in allies, as well as bringing more of the ensemble into the loop. Sorry for the pun.

*Loosely inspired by the episode "Mystery Spot" from Supernatural, but more complicated * 😂

[m1dn1ght-hag]

Hi! Can I request diavolo reacting to reader who had become his wife/queen being hit on by another king who us visiting the devil domain? Saying things like "you are a lucky man", being overly touchy with reader, even going as far as asking if diavolo was willing to " share"?

note: I’m SO sorry this took so long to come out 😭 I just graduated so hopefully I should have more time to focus on being mentally ill 😝💪 the ending doesn’t rwallt fit the mood of the rest of the writing but i like jt too much tk get rid of it

somewhat proofread 😭

Content warning: uhhh catcalling???, inappropriate comments, objectification, jealous Dia

Fem!MC

—

It had been a slow day for Diavolo, and knowing he had to attend a formal party after work helped a little to ease his nerves. The thing he’d be looking forward to all day is seeing you, who’d be accompanying him as his plus one. (as if you weren’t going to be invited anyways.)

He appreciated all the effort his citizens put into celebrating him, however he was simply too exhausted after how slow the day had been dragging on. It was his birthday and he was still forced to attend business meetings and keep up with his paperwork to avoid falling behind. (Barbatos’ orders. He’s scary when he’s angry, and Diavolo did NOT want to feel his wrath.)

A simple knock on his door alerted him of Barbatos’ presence, speak of the devil, before the butler let himself in. Upon entering the room and seeing Diavolo hunched over his desk, slowly dwindling away at the stack of documents he clicked his tongue.

"Young lord," he started, drawing Diavolo's attention away from the paper, "it's time to get prepared, we must leave in the next hour."

With a relieved sigh, Diavolo stood his stretched his aching limbs, glad to be going to the party seeing it as a distraction from the endless paperwork he had to sign.

——

Being with you at the party definitely brightened his mood as the two of you chatted and laughed together, occasionally interrupted by a demon cheering birthday wishes.

“Oh, Dia, I’ll go get us some drinks.” Diavolo smiled as the nickname naturally slipped past your lips, “what do you want?”

“Whatever you’re getting, my dear.” seeing the unamused glare you sent him made him chuckle.

“You better not complain,” you reprimanded jokingly, patting his arm before heading to the beverage table.

He allowed his eyes to follow your figure before he heard a whistle next to him. He turned his head in the direction of the noise to see someone eyeballing you. Diavolo quickly noted the other demon was the crowned prince from another kingdom, visiting in place of his father to celebrate Diavolo. He also noted that he was very, very drunk. A risqué compliment slurred past his lips followed by a hiccup before he noticed Diavolo.

“Oh! Lord Diavolo,” He laughed too loud for comfort, “congratulations!”

“Thank you.” Diavolo replied with fake gratitude, curtly nodding.

“Yesss, you caught a real beauty alright.”

“Excuse me?” Diavolo scoffed, ‘caught?’

The other prince tipped forward, gasping when his drink nearly spilled over before, sloppily, regaining “balance” and downing another flute of demonus. He called over a waiter who, begrudgingly, handed him another.

“You know-“ a hiccup interrupted his speech, “-you should sharee, she’s a pretty one and I’d like a bite if her myself.”

“Excuse me?” Diavolo repeated, feeling his blood begin to boil.

The demon bellowed, waving the new glass of Demonus in the air, “you heard me, yes you did!” He hiccuped, “you’re a lucky man, alright!”

Diavolo glanced over towards you, and felt a wave of relief upon seeing you were still at the beverage table, now chatting with Lucifer. He was silently thanking his friend for occupying you at the moment; he could only imagine how uncomfortable it would have been for you to listen to some drunkard babbling about your body so inappropriately.

You caught his gaze and sent him a pleasant smile, waving. The angry expression he wore faded momentarily as he returned the smile and waved back, before turning his attention back to the drunken demon standing before him, who’d tipped his head back and downed another flute of white wine.

You quickly finished your conversation with Lucifer and dismissed yourself, eager to get back to your boyfriend.

“Hey Dia,” you greeted, interlocking your fingers with his and rubbing your thumb along his, “sorry I took so long.”

Diavolo flinched at your touch and inwardly cursed, sending the demon another nasty look before trying to drag you away from the offender. “That’s quite alright my dear, you could have stayed longer.”

A whistle startled you and caused Diavolo to let out an irate sigh. You turned your attention to the source of the noise, a brow quirked. “Excuse me?”

“Mc, no,“ Diavolo’s plea fell to deaf ears as the demon started talking.

A hiccup followed by a string of coughing as the demon slurred out a provocative comment, waving around the, now empty, flute merrily and swaying closer to the couple.

Diavolo instinctively stepped in front of you, holding you behind him so the demon wouldn't try grabbing you. "End this behavior at once or I'll have to ask you to leave."

"Ohhh-" the demon gagged and swallowed, "don't be that way, I'm just sayin' we could share her, y'know?"

Before Diavolo could react, the demon reached forward to touch you, barely grazing your arm before Diavolo harshly elbowed his arm away. Barbatos interfered before anything got too out of hand and grabbed the drunkard's arm, twisted it behind his back, and escorted him away from the scene, telling him that they’d be sending him back to his kingdom and informing his father of his behaviour.

Diavolo would have to remember to thank Barbatos later.

He turned to you, both hands on either shoulder, his previous anger dissipated and was replaced with concern. “Are you alright, my dear? I deeply apologize for the way he was treating you.”

“I’m fine,” you cup his cheeks, watching the way he melted in your hands, rubbing into your hold, “are you okay, Dia?”

He angled his head to place a tentative kiss to the palm of your hand, a pleasant smile returning to his face, “I am now, my dear. Thank you.”

You gently pinch his cheek, earning a giggle from him before you also began giggling, “what for?”

“For choosing me.”

“Oh, Dia you big sap,” you pinched his cheeks again before pressing a kiss against his lips, feeling him smile against yours. You would have kissed him so more it you two weren’t in public, surrounded by the presence of many nobles, who’d frown upon the un-princely show of affection, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, my dear,” he cupped his hands around yours, before pulling them away from his face and straightening his posture, “now that we won’t be interrupted again, where are the drinks you were wanting me to try?”

“Oh,” you cupped your free hand over your mouth, “I forgot them by Lucifer, I saw you and got distracted.”

Diavolo laughed, squeezing your hand, “well lets go over, together this time, shall we?”

[desi2go]

Love a cowboy

pairing: cowboy San x reader

warnings: mostly fluff, some slight angst in the end

summery: You moved from the city into the wild west. On a bull riding competition, you meet San, a cowboy, not knowing that in the future you will cross ways with him more often...

author's note: Welcome to my first Ateez fanfic! I hope you'll like it. I loved the idea of cowboy San, especially after their new comeback! Have fun

The sun burned mercilessly over the vast prairie as you made your way through the lively little town of Red Rock. You have been living here for a few weeks now, far away from the hustle and bustle of the city you have left behind. Life in the Wild West was rougher, but also more exciting and filled you with a new kind of freedom.

Today was the day of the annual bull riding competition, an event that the whole town looked forward to. You had heard a lot about the cowboys who would be showing off their skills.

As you entered the dusty grounds of the arena with a friend, you felt the excited tension in the air. The crowd roared as the cowboys took their places. You picked a spot close to the action, eager to see the cowboys in action. Loudly, you cheered for the brave men who tried riding the bulls. Just when another man got buckled off, the speaker announced the next competitor and the people around you went wild.

"Lady and gentlemen, here comes the current favourite San!"

Time seemed to stand still as he stepped onto the arena. San, with broad shoulders and a determined look, seemed completely in his element. He jumped up the fence and swung himself on the angry bull. The fence was opened and bull ran free, trying to get the man off.

The fight between man and beast was intense, and for a moment it seemed as if San would loose balance. But in a wild moment of struggle, his hat flew into the air before finally landing next to you. You grabbed it and freed it from the dust. He still sat on the bull.

She didn't hesitate for long and picked up the dusty cowboy hat. The crowd continued to cheer, but you focused only on San, who was buckled off and rolled over the ground. He slowly stood up and looked over at her. She pushed her way through the crowd to give him back his hat.

When San saw her, a smile flashed through his face. He took the hat, but gently pushed it on her head.

"Keep it," he said with a wink.

"A little luck can't hurt you out here." You blushed and smiled back shyly as you ran a finger over the hat.

He walked away, letting himself enjoy the cheerings.

"Who is he?" You asked your friend who looked at you in disbelief.

"You don't know who that is? He is the best bull rider! He is known for his courage and skill, and the stories of his adventures had already made the rounds." She explained.

"Never heard of him" you responded.

"56,78 seconds! And thus takes the lead!" The speaker shouted through the loudspeaker. Even the following cowboys couldn't over it his time so he won the competition. It was crazy how long he sat on that bull even though it was moving wildly beneath him. You were impressed.

The crowd started to get thinner, everyone observing the stands for something to eat til the next competitions would start. You followed your friend who showed you the best food stand on the whole event and after that the best attractions.

When the sun began to go down, she brought you to a bar after you had confessed you didn't had time to get to the infamous bar. The music could already be heard from miles and the laughter of people. You still wore the cowboy hat even though it was too big, you loved that your face was shielded from the merciless sun all day.

When you enter the saloon, the first thing you notice is the smell: a mixture of smoke, sweat, spilt beer and a hint of perfume. The floor is made of rough wooden planks, worn by constant footsteps and the occasional scrape of boots. The room is dimly lit, mainly by oil lamps and candles, which spread a warm, flickering light. The walls are hung with hunting trophies, old mirrors and sometimes photos of famous cowboys or local events. The centrepiece of the saloon is the long, wooden bar, behind which bottles of various spirits stand on shelves.

The bartender, a middle-aged man with a weather-beaten face and an apron, gave you a friendly smile.Men and sometimes women sit at the tables, which are distributed at irregular intervals around the room, playing cards, drinking or chatting. The atmosphere is lively, accompanied by the clinking of glasses, the laughter of the guests and sometimes the music of a small band.

The bartender greeted your friend, you always were shocked that nearly everyone knew everyone. She ordered a drink for both of you until she dragged you to the small dance floor where some persons were already dancing to the great rhythm.

Slowly sipping on your drink, you danced until your friend tapped you and nodded behind you.

"The sexy cowboy is watching you" she grinned and you followed her gaze. San indeed leaned against the, a beer in his hand, clearly mustering you. You blushed as he came towards you.

"Hello beautiful" he exclaimed over the loud music, wearing just a simple jeans and a black t-shirt that hugs his muscular chest.

"Hello" you answered, blushing slightly.

"I see you like the hat" he stated and a smirk formed on his lips as he brushed a hair strand out of his face.

"Yeah, thank you"

"No need to thank me. It suits you better than me"

You smiled. "You don't live in the city, right? I never saw you before"

"I'm just coming here for the competitions and important errands. My farm is outside of the city"

"That is cool. Even though it must be a little bit lonely, right?"

"Sometimes, but I have the animals and when I want to meet people, I'll come here" he smiled.

𓆙𓆙𓆙

Three days later, you were driving to the next biggest city to purchase some errands that you didn't find in the local store. For 30 minutes, you followed the dusty road that was more dirt than road. Around you just the desert and some bushes that fought against the searing heat.

You don't know what you were thinking for doing an one and a half hour trip in the noon with your old car. It was a truck that was perfect for the terrain here. When you moved you had sold your car. Now, you had one that has problems with the air conditioning.

Suddenly, you heard a bang and black smoak rose from the bonnet.

"Shit" you sweared and stopped. Of course you needed to buy the cheapest truck you could find and the car dealer even recommended it! Angry, you placed the cowboy hat on your head to shield you from the merciless sun and got out to take a look at the bonnet.

You opened it and a gush of smoak ascended, leaving you coughing. You leaned further into the bonnet, searching for the problem when you heard some rustling. You thought it was just wind.

"Everything alright?" Someone behind you asked, startled you shrieked, trying to get up but hitting your head on the bonnet over you.

"Ow" you exclaimed and rubbed your head while observing the man. It was San, sitting cool on a horse.

"San. What are you doing here?" You asked, eying him. He looked like a real cowboy in his lumberjack shirt, the dirty jeans and the cowboy hat.

"I could ask you the same" he smirked, letting his gaze roam over your old truck.

"I wanted to go to the next big city" you responded.

"Well, that didn't work out, right?" He stated cocky.

You rolled your eyes. "Obviously" But you couldn't hold in a small smile. He dismounted from the horse and hands the reins over to you.

"What are you doing?" You asked, holding the horse far away from you. Even though you liked animals, horses were a bit scary.

"Let me check if I can fix it" he told you, bending over your car. He sighed after a few minutes.

"I can't fix it here. But we could bring it to my farm." He stated, looking you in the eye. You nodded. "Come on, it isn't wide. We come back with my tractor to tow your car."

"Okay, thanks" you answered, giving him the reins back. He mounted the horse, holding his hand down.

"What are you doing?" You questioned.

"We'll ride. And now come on" you shook your head fast. There was no way you would climb on the horse.

"It's safe. You can hold onto me. And I'm not letting you here alone on the street miles away from anything" he argued. You sighed, guessing you had no other choice.

Hesitant, you took his hand and climbed behind him on the horse who stood there unimpressed. Immediately, you clinged onto him like your dear life depended on it. He let out a laugh. "Relax. Rosie is a good girl" he brushed over the horse's fur.

He carefully pushed the horse into a small walk. It was strange to sit on a horse and you anxiously held onto San.

"You ok there?" He asked, guiding Rosie away from your lame excuse of a car. "Yes, it isn't that bad" you gave in, a small smile flashing over your face and relaxing your hold until the horse accelerated. You shrieked and clinged more while San just laughed.

After twenty five minutes, you saw the big wooden fences. The cattle farm layed peacefully in the vastness of the land, surrounded by endless grassy plains and rolling hills. At the centre of the property stood the farmhouse, a sturdy building made of sun-bleached wood that had weathered many storms. A wide veranda, furnished with rocking chairs and a wooden table, provided the perfect place to look out over the vast landscape.

Cows walked over the pasture, eating the dry grass. It was idyllic.

"That's your farm?" You asked, letting your gaze wander around. As soon as the horse halted, you jumped off just that San could dismount as well.

"Yes, in all its glory. Welcome to Red Wood Ranch." He exclaimed, signalling around him while smiling proudly.

"Wow, looks beautiful" you answered. You followed him to the tractor, sat next to him and you two took the way back to your track.

There, he towed it back to his farm, getting a better look.

"I think it'll take me some time before it's fixed." While his upper half disappeared completely into the bonnet, you helped him with giving him the tools he needed.

"Where did you learn to do that?" You asked curious. It seemed like he could do nearly everything. Bull riding, horse riding and repairing cars. And definitely so much more.

"I grew up here. Of course I know how I can fix a car."

𓆙𓆙𓆙

To be clear, you never thought that repairing a car could take so long. After four hours, both of you decided that you would continue tomorrow.

"Should I drive you home or do you want to sleep here?" He asked while he stepped into the farmhouse. The creaky front door opened into a rustic interior that reflected the tough but warm spirit of its inhabitant.

"You don't need to drive me. I'll stay" he nodded, leading you into the kitchen. The big window let the orange light of the sunset into the room, turning the wooden interior into a warm tone. The kitchen was beautiful, just like you had imagined it in a farmhouse.

"Then I guess you need to try my famous baked beans with mashed potatoes" a smile adorned his face.

"I would love to"

San was a great cook, opening the door to your heart with just one meal. You devoured every bite, making him laugh out loud. You sat in the simple garden, under an old tree, watching the sunset and later the stars. It was so beautiful. Even here, you could hear a cow moo from time to time. While you enjoyed the moment, you catched San staring at you. You grew red, brushing a loose hair strand out of your face.

"You look happy" he stated.

"I am. Moving here was the best decision I ever made"

In the middle of the night, both of you decided to finally go to bed. He showed you the guest bedroom, giving you a shirt because you didn't have anything with you. You thanked him and quickly brushed your teeth and throwing the shirt over your figure. It was big, too big for you but it smelled really nice.

San waited in front of the bathroom for his turn, his eyes widening when he saw you in his shirt. Thankfully the low light shielded his blush from you. You told him good night, unbeknown to you, his gaze followed you until you were out of his sight, admitting to himself that he liked the view of you in his clothes.

It was nice to have someone here again even if it was only for a night. But the house already felt warmer more like a home not just a farmhouse. He liked the company and the thought of someone who is here with him.

The next morning, when you came downstairs to the kitchen, you smelled already the delicious food.

"Good morning. Didn't know you were already up." You said, a yawn leaving you. Sadly, you had changed out of the shirt. "Yes, needed to feed the cows. I figured you would like to eat something."

Just the thought of his delicious food leaved you drooling.

After breakfast, he quickly continued to work on your truck and luckily after two hours he was finished. "Thank you so much, San. I didn't know what I would have done without you" you hugged him tight.

He laughed. "Then you're lucky you have me. I thank you for joining me for the night." You gave a smile widley.

"You're right. I am lucky. May I invite you to dinner tomorrow?" you answered. He agreed, watching you drive away with a light heart.

𓆙𓆙𓆙

You had agreed that he would pick you up so that both of you could go to the small restaurant. You were excited. It felt like you had known San for a long time. But it also made you nervous because you couldn't deny that there was more than friendship between you and him.

At seven pm sharp, his car stopped in front of your house. Quickly, you jumped into your shoes and walked towards the car after making sure that your door was locked. He leaned against his truck, dressed in a black shirt and a denim jacket. He looked handsome, especially with the way he styled his hair.

"You look beautiful, y/n" he said when you hugged him, jumping in the car.

"Well, you you don't look bad either" you confessed.

During the whole ride, the comfortable conversation went on. He lead you into the restaurant. It was small but still beautiful decorated. The waiter showed you your table outside in the lovely garden. The table was directly placed between three big trees with fairy lights, making it so much more romantic.

You learned that San's grandfather built the Red Wood Ranch until his parents took over and now he. His older sister has moved away into a big city, only coming here once a year. So, He was mostly alone but happy to live on the farm.

The night went on, slowly but surely, the heat of the day went away and leaved a cold wind that brushed against your shoulders. Of course you didn't think about bringing a jacket even if you knew that the nights were cold. You shivered slightly, brushing your hands up and down your arms to keep warm. San stood up and circled the table. Confused, you observed him as he took off his jacket and layed it over your shoulders. Immediately, you could smell his cologne, letting you inhale deeply.

"Thank you" you mumbled, pulling the denim jacket tighter around your body. He smiled and sat down in his seat again.

After dinner, San drove you home again. He stopped in front of your house, got out with you to bring you to your front door, mumbling something about safety.

"Thank you for the great evening" he said, a smile on his lips.

"Yeah, it was perfect. I had so much fun" you admitted, taking off his jacket to give it to him.

"You can keep it if you want" he added.

You chuckled. "I already have your hat. When you give all your clothes to me, you don't have anything to wear yourself"

He mimicked to think hardly. "You have a good point"

He leaned closer to you, his face only centimetres away from yours. "Even though I enjoy seeing you in my clothes" he added, his ears turning red. A rosy blush krept up your face, leaving San smirking. His eyes wandered from your eyes over your red cheeks to your lips.

San overcame the last centimetres and pressed his lips gently on yours. They were soft and couldn't do anything against it but to return the kiss, moving yours against his. Your lips tingled as a hand cupped your cheek, brushing over your soft skin.

Slowly, you finished the passionate kiss, leaning your forehead against his.

"I like you, y/n" he whispered, lips red and a bit swollen.

"I like you too, San" you replied, looking him deep in the eye. He pulled in for another kiss, a short one to say goodbye.

"Will you be there next weekend for the next competition?" he asked.

"Of course. I'll be there in the crowd watching you" A big smile plastered his face, leaning in once again to feel your lips against his. And you could feel his smile while kissing.

𓆙𓆙𓆙

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the next competition in bull riding!" The speaker shouted over the arena. The crowd was loud, discussing who will win.

You pushed yourself through the mass of people, forward right to the fence of the arena so that San could see you. You wore his hat, figuring that he would like it if you would wear it.

You watched his opponents, waiting for San's turn. One or two times, the person was immediately buckled off of the bull's back, hitting the ground hard. The crowd hissing as they heard the collision with the floor.

Then, San walked into the arena, waving when the speaker announced him. You and the other people cheered as he climbed onto the bull's back. The fence was opened and the bull ran into the arena, already buckling wildly.

He held onto the saddle with one hand, not letting go. Second for second passes. He had already the best time from all the opponents before him. The bull didn't give up, just buckling more and more while running through the arena.

Suddenly, the bull stopped full force. San loosed the grip, trying to not fly in front of the bull. Then, the animal jumped up, buckling like never before. San couldn't hold his balance and when the bull buckled one last time, he flew through the air, landing harsh on the ground, his head hitting an iron bar of the fence.

The cheering died, leaving the arena in silence. Everyone waited for San to get up but he still layed there. The bull was captured again and an emergency doctor ran to him. You pushed yourself through the fence, running to him.

"Ma'am, please, stay away" someone said. You shook your head. "He is my boyfriend" you lied. Well, technically he wasn't your boyfriend but you really liked him, well, you loved him.

They let you through. Fortunately, San was already awake, leaning against the fence with half closed eyes. "San" you whispered. Sitting down next to him, observing him precisely. He had a cut on his lips and some blood dropped down from his forehead. His hand grabbed yours, playing with it while he gave you an encouraging smile.

The doctor bandaged the forehead. When he was finished, you helped San up. Slowly, you walked him out of the arena, clutching to his hand.

"Your boyfriend, huh?" He teased while wiggling his eyebrows, a smirk on his lips as you two sat down in a room, waiting for the doctor.

You grew red, letting his hand go to brush your hair back. "I was worried!" You defended.

"It's okay. I loved the sound of it. Can you call me that again?" His eyes sparkled with amusement and malicious joy. He was such a tease.

"Oh shut it! I was scared." You crossed your arms, turning away from him so that he could see your embarrassment.

Two strong were arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you against the muscular chest.

You felt San's face in your hair, inhaling deep.

"I'm sorry. I was just teasing you" he mumbled into your neck, leaving you shivering when his hot breath hit your skin.

"But I liked you calling me your boyfriend and I want to be able to call you my girlfriend. Is that okay?" He added, turning you around.

You couldn't say no to his sweet puppy eyes. You nodded and carefully placed your lips against his.

"You are never going to ride a bull ever again!" You commanded shortly after.

"We will discuss that later, princess" he said, pulling into another kiss.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Thinking about the papyrus that makes the puzzles in nightmares castle

Also yes he IS the papyrus of something new, though from another timeline

Like he was there in like..the early days when they castle was done but not like, fully.

So like he must know nightmare VERY well, better then he knows his own brother at this point. Though he doesn't even know where his brother is, but from what he was told he may be dead?

Anyways, i think it'd be a relationship akin to whatever it is with flowey and papyrus. Papyrus still believes nightmare can be a good person.

Also i think nightmare would've tried the "hurting them as discipline" method once, when he was really angry. Only to be surprised that the papyrus got out his hold and went and hid in the library. Yeah he didn't realize that the occasional sparring and just watching him fight was enough for papyrus to get a rough idea of what to do, along with knowing him enough personally to know nightmare hates hurting his books and avoids it as much as he can.

Even more surprised when after he calmed down papyrus asked if he was alright, the reason why he did it, straight up just forced him to talk about it, and gave him a pat on the head and praised him for talking about his feelings

Yes this man forced an immortal being to say why he did what he did and even scolded him since "he could just tell him if he wanted something changed."

I truly think papyrus could fight god and win but ok

(Nightmare avoided papyrus for a while after that just...confused.)

More abt papyrus :3

being close to nightmare for a while i think he might've gone slightly off the rails mentally, just witnessing the insane shit nightmare does and maybe even because of his aura?

He is still very much papyrus, but he is a little closer to being like HT papyrus mentally.

Also i think he'd wear other clothing, actual armor instead of his battle body. Maybe something like a cloak too, thats like hanging off the side of his shoulder (that has a name, no idea what it is, just bear with me because i dont know how this shit works ✊️)

He's technically a guard in title, though he doesn't really do much guarding. Atleast he fulfilled his wish of being a royal guard?

He probably also learned proper etiquette, dancing and swordfighting. He doesn't really need it he just saw nightmare doing it and he thought if was cool, and well, nightmare doesnt have much to do after all of his friends dying- so he teached papyrus

He also knows piano! He is mostly self taught, and a little of when undyne taught him the basics. He learned because he missed undyne 😔

Actually, i think he'd pick up hobbies or have items to remind him of his friends. Snagging a random sanses hoodie because it looked like his brothers (and leaving some g and an apology note after.), learning piano(undyne), making his own hot chocolate recipe(grillby), ACTUALLY learning how to cook(undyne again), learning how to play the trombone(sans)

Also, just imagining nightmare wanting to fuck with killer so while killer is in the office he calls the papyrus over (and says to find his battle body) without telling killer. And just...killer being met with a papyrus that looks so eerily close to his. (I think every papyrus's body is slightly different, you dont notice it unless you'd be his brother or something)

Nightmare got scolded by papyrus afterwards but he wasn't really listening

Also papyrus spars with others frequently :3, he got permission to go out to AUs and spar with the people there (its mostly papyruses, undynes and alphyses but sometimes others too!) And he's done it for a long time aswell, he got really good at it! And he got even BETTER control of his magic then he already had

If you were to ever fight this papyrus it'd be one hell of a challenge for a shit ton of people, so thats fun

I love making papyri really strong and cool 💃

Anyways that was my papyrus rant

We could always use more Papyrus aus, especially something new papyrus.

{ @brokenramunebottle }

[luvtonique]

I realized something this morning.

This is probably gonna be a long post. (Edit, yep)

I'm a pretty fairly public figure on the internet, and I very regularly interact with a huge amount of people. From YouTube Comments to Discord to Tumblr Asks/Comments to Newgrounds Reviews to MMO Chat to Mic-Chat on Games to Twitch Chat to Stream Chat, blah blah blah.

I've, for years now, over a decade (hell over two decades) talked to probably thousands of people, and have been able to get a gauge on a pretty safe to say "average" of collective human intelligence on the internet.

I've come to realize that not everybody has that kind of experience talking to people online as I do. I've talked to literally thousands, probably near ten thousand, people online in my life.

This is a staggeringly high number and puts me in an outlier position among the rest of you, who likely have only interacted with a double digit number of people online in your life.

Now that you have that information in mind, here's what I realized this morning.

I realized that the reason I don't listen to people, ESPECIALLY when it comes to politics, is because I have learned through talking to all these people that fucking nobody knows what they're fucking goddamn talking about.

I study a lot of things in my spare time, and history is a huge one that I study. I very regularly read and listen to multiple sources talking about historic events, and I make sure to look at as many sources as possible, sometimes including reading encyclopedias in my own home that we've owned for like 40 years.

I cross-reference all of these things and paint a picture of the most likely truths through various means.

Why's that important? Because sometimes a 14 year old on Twitter, literally nearly less than a third my age, will occasionally come along telling me that I'm wrong. Not about history necessarily, but about some opinion that I have based on my own experience and my own knowledge that I've researched myself.

I usually ask them where they got their information, and I'm met with boldfaced idiocy. Completely braindead shit like "180,000 people said it on Twitter," or they link me a Tumblr post with 100k notes, or they say "It's common knowledge," (which is the biggest red flag of them all because not only does it prove they have no evidence to back up what they're saying, but as this post will go on to explain, "common knowledge" is quite literally the worst source of information on anything. People commonly think the earth is flat and that Scientology is real. People commonly think that walking under a ladder or breaking a mirror gives you bad luck. People commonly think that naturally blue food exists.)

In my life I have met thousands of people, and THOUSANDS of them are fucking idiots who very very smugly state completely incorrect knowledge. Earlier today someone tried to tell me that the creators of Beat Saber never sold the company to Facebook, and I showed them proof and they went silent for 3 hours and then went "Yeah so what, Facebook is still a good company" and I wanted to beat my head against the desk.

The internet is full of people who are fascinatingly ignorant. I'm not calling myself "better" or "smarter" than anyone here, I'm just saying that I have learned better than most people that people on the internet are not, and never fucking will be, a good source of information. I don't care if they're your best fucking friend, the coin-toss of them knowing what they're talking about or actually having the facts is so heavily weighted against them, it's seriously like a 98% chance they have no fucking clue what they're talking about.

I urge everyone to take a moment and realize that the internet is, in fact, a good place to find information and do research, but PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET, especially MEDIA AND SOCIAL MEDIA, are NOT SMART PEOPLE AND ARE NOT GOOD SOURCES FOR YOUR INFORMATION.

These are angry, smug, annoying little idiots who are likely 14 years old with a 1st grade reading comprehension who aspires to be a TikTok content creator as a career, and under no fucking circumstance should you ever, ever, EVER listen to any social, financial, religious, gendered, medical or political advice they give.

The world has gotten vastly out of control with how much people think "A lot of people agree with me" is a good enough reason to solidify your opinions. "A lot of people agree" is the biggest red flag ever, because people on the fucking internet are complete fucking idiots, I'm sorry, but I'm someone with far more experience talking to people on the internet than literally any of you reading this. I talk to people on the internet as a career and have been doing this for longer than most of you reading this have been alive.

So what's the point of this? What's the take-away?

The take-away is that I'm saddened by how many people will attack each other vehemently, cut off friends and family members, label people as toxic or problematic, jump to conclusions, etc. based on complete and utter misinformation spouted to them by people who have never once in their entire life actually looked up what the fuck they're talking about. They treat random strangers on Twitter as "experts" because that person is well articulated or put together a YouTube video with really good editing that's softly spoken by a British accent guy and has scary music whenever some "evil" person is on the screen.

The take-away is that people, like yourself (don't you dare try to deny it) will just believe whatever they read on social media, or whatever their Discord friend-group is talking about, because they are living in a complete falsehood that people on the internet know better than they do.

You are not incapable of doing your own research. You are not incapable of finding the truth. You are not stupid. Just do your own research, look into things yourself, cross-reference, use the scientific method, go to a library, read books, for fuck sake please adopt the basic social skill of "If someone says it on the internet it is most likely not true and I should look into it myself."

Because the current state of people is monstrous.

Y'all get so fucking mad about things that are just plain not true, and you revolve your entire life around things you were told by complete idiots and/or children on Twitter and other social media websites.

Stop.

Look at yourself, look at how angry you get about things, and consider that there may be a possibility that anger stems from a complete lack of any foundation or truth in your own beliefs.

Consider the almost 100% guaranteed possibility that you have been blatantly lied to by people who have no fucking idea what they're talking about, and that you are violently upholding standards that are incorrect because you have placed trust in the word of untrustworthy people.

Look up confirmation bias, read about it.

Look up manipulation tactics, read about it.

Look up "Plato's Republic" and read about it.

Absolutely, under no circumstances, should you ever, EVER, form your social or religious or political or financial or gendered or sexual etc. opinions based on SHIT YOU READ ON SOCIAL MEDIA.

And while we're here, don't listen to the news either. They're just a bunch of parrots saying what needs to be said to get you all fighting with each other so that the government can fuck things up while you're distracted. Do your own research, check multiple sources, don't consider social media or regular media to be a 'source,' get every bit of information from every angle, and for fuck sake, stop attacking people for disagreeing with you when you, yourself, only believe what you believe because your friend group believes it and you know that if you disagree with your friend group they'll all attack you so you'd rather be on their side, which only further proves my point that y'all need to fucking chill.

"Democracy will never work. If 3 medical experts tell you that you must eat a ginger root to cure your ailments, but 100,000 idiots with no medical experience tell you otherwise, you're more likely to believe the 100,000 idiots. They are louder, there are more of them, and you will gamble on the hope that among those 100,000 idiots, there must be more than 3 medical experts. The voice of the ignorant will always drown out the voice of the educated."

-Plato's Republic, 375BCE (Paraphrased)

"I can't believe Jay just called us all idiots and expects us to listen to him"

-Someone in the comments of this (It's gonna happen)

PS: If you looked up "Naturally Blue Food," and found out it does in fact not exist, good for you for doing your own research!

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Chapter 10: How Did It End Up Like This?

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter ten of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 6K

Warnings: References to sex, Kind of depressing, Cursing, Drinking, Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC, this one is really sad y'all, like REALLY sad, I'm serious this one is really sad.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

1980

“Ben, stop.” You shout.

“Move damn it!” Ben’s eyes blaze a dark green sending a tremor down your spine, but you don’t budge.

“No.”

“Get the fuck out of my way.” He snarls louder.

You stand defiantly in front of him, where he towers over you, eyes narrowed, and shoulders tensed. His broad shoulders block the fluorescent lights that hang overhead and illuminate the gym, dramatizing his imposing figure.

“I’m not going to. So you’re either going to have to move me yourself or you can go cool off.” Your retort your voice icy.

The heat from Ben’s anger vibrated through the air between you, but you weren’t going to move. Not when he was being ridiculous.

Noir was angry, angry that Ben took a movie role that he wanted. In hindsight you also thought it was ridiculous that Ben needed to star in all the movies. He was already America’s First Superhero and the Golden Boy and America’s Sweetheart, but it wasn't enough for him for some reason. You often thought his obsession with fame had something to do with his dad. Ben had a lot of problems when it came to his father, all of which made Ben compensate other ways, such as, feeling the need to be in charge, feeling the need to be loved and accepted by others he didn’t know, being unable to express his emotions, and the current problem which was feeling the need to claim the dominant role as most popular superhero.

Aka when he turned into Captain Toxic Masculinity.

Honestly, you were exhausted. All of this was exhausting. Ben was exhausting.  As someone who’d loved him this long you couldn’t help but see the shift from the boy you used to know into something unrecognizable. Occasionally you could see Ben, the old Ben, your Ben, who laughed with you, but those moments were few and certainly didn’t happen in public.

You shoulders tense with the force of your own anger and frustration, standing tall between Ben and Noir who lays on the ground behind you. Noir hadn't made an effort to get up, still stunned from the blows he took from Ben. The first few punches you hadn’t stopped, but it was when Ben felt the need to continue despite Noir’s pleas to stop that you had to step in.

You didn’t know where that came from, Ben’s need to beat people who were conceding. When he was younger you'd seen Ben get in a fight before, but those few times he hadn't continued to beat the other person when they gave up. The smell of whiskey and reefer floats off his clothes and you wonder how much he’s had to drink. Ben had two moods when he was drunk angry or clingy, and right now the anger was winning. You could hear the mad pump of his blood through his body and you wonder what else he might have taken today.

Because whiskey and reefer isn't enough? If he wasn't so damn indestructible he'd probably be dead from overdose.

Ben’s lip is curled back in a sneer, eyes flashing from where Noir lays on the ground then back to you. You know that he's ten seconds away from ripping Noir in half, and that's why you don't move. Noir didn't deserve that.

The way Ben's eyes burn through the space between you is hauntingly familiar as the memory of the night you hid Ben from his father settled over your mind. You fight the shudder at the comparison.

Ben wasn’t anything like his father. The thought is immediate, but then the memory of the past forty years begins to settle over your mind. Or maybe he was.

“Fucking pussy. Having a woman stand up for you.” Ben snaps at Noir.

Ben leans around you to spit at him, then raises his gaze back to you one more time before he stomps off, slamming the door of the gym so hard that it breaks the glass.

You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. Everyone on Payback was watching you like you were crazy and you partly were. Getting in between Ben and someone else was beyond stupid. It wasn’t the first time, but you knew that you were the only person that could do it. If Countess or Gunpowder had stepped in Ben would not have relented. It had to be you. It always had to be you.

And you hated the weight of that burden on your shoulders.

You turn towards Noir, holding out a hand to help him up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He sighs taking it . “You didn’t have to do that.”

“He’s just being… well. Him.” You mutter.

You hated that this was the new harsh reality, the new Ben that was born when he took the serum and became America’s First Superhero.

“It was incredibly stupid.” Countess sniffs from where she stands with the TNT Twins. Gunpowder is leaning back against the outer ring with Mindstorm who stares unblinkingly at you.

“Well, guess I took a page out of your book then.” You say, narrowing your eyes at her.

You couldn’t stand her. Ever since she joined Payback all she’d done was try to catch Ben’s eye and get between the two of you, but he never gave her the time of day. She had quickly won the favor of everyone else on Payback, which only made you even more angry because it always seemed like you were the odd one out wherever you went.

Countess only sneers back in response, flipping her red hair over her shoulders. Despite Ben's exit the tension in the room is almost choking. Your so-called team was watching you with unreadable expressions and you suddenly got the impression that you were trespassing or interrupting. It had happened before, when you came to a training session early and you walked in on the rest of the team, sans Ben, talking in hushed tones and they immediately broke apart when you appeared.

You couldn’t shake the feeling that despite the fact you stood between Ben and Noir, the rest of the team still didn’t like having you there. Probably because they associated you with Ben. It made you uneasy.

Because despite Stan’s efforts to keep you all together Ben's continuous outbursts drove you all further and further apart. And you worried what would happen the day when the shoe finally dropped.

One look at the clock on your wall showed that it was almost one in the morning, but you weren't tired. All you could think about is what almost happened to Noir. It wasn't that you particularly liked anyone on Payback other than Ben, honestly the whole superhero thing was getting tedious and you had considered more than once getting out.

But you couldn't. Sometimes you felt responsible for Ben, like you were the only thing keeping him on the straight and narrow. Of course every single damn day that road was getting narrower and narrower and now it was more like a balance beam than a two way street.

Ben's new outlook on life that revolved around drugs, women, more drugs, and more women didn't make it easier. 

You frown at your sketchpad remembering when Ben founded Herogasm. You'd gone the first time, regretted walking through the door, stayed ten minutes, and then left.

Sex without feelings never appealed to you, but that wasn't why you left, it was watching Ben with other women that hurt you. You could barely get through it when he mentioned something in passing, but watching him there with them made you uncontrollably angry and not to mention frustrated. You didn't understand him, couldn't understand why Ben was different around you. Didn't know why whenever you were alone he would give you hope, just to take it all away again.

How could so much change? How could everything go to shit so quickly?

You think of all the years that followed the night that Ben asked you to come with him, how you thought that Ben was telling you that he loved you in his own way. But he didn’t. You were realizing that now, as painful as it was to admit to yourself, Ben only saw you as a friend, would only ever see you as a friend.

When you decided to come with him you thought that the change would be your friendship into something else, but it never came, the only thing that changed was Ben.

A loud banging at your door makes your entire apartment shudder and pulls you out of your memories of the past.

There's only one person who can do that.

Your home was a small two-bedroom apartment in New York City, but you loved it. It was quaint and comfortable and each time you came home you felt relaxed because you were able to shut out the life you lived everyday. The small kitchen was barely big enough for two people to stand in, but it made it more intimate and cozy. The living room had a soft leather couch, but no tv despite Ben’s complaints that you should get one. He hated that you couldn’t watch his films when he came over. You liked listening to music more anyway. Your collection of vinyl lined the living room wall in clean bookcases next to a small record player. The spare bedroom served as your studio, not that you were trying to sell your art, but because you needed a place to exist where you weren't a supe and where you weren't in love with Ben. There were stacks of sketchbooks in the studio closet from when you were a child, but you couldn't bear to get rid of them. Sometimes you imagined living here with Ben, cooking in the small kitchen while he read the newspaper, lounging on the couch and listening to music together, and falling asleep on his chest with his arms wrapped tightly around you.

You sigh, pushing away the warmth of the thought, and wave your hand to telekinetically unlock the front door behind you. The familiar purple glow from your abilities fills the apartment. Ben had a key, but you figured he just wanted to make an entrance.

Always the drama queen.

“Got anything to drink?” He asks as he enters the living room.

You glance over the back of the couch to look at him. He's more casually dressed now, wearing a pair of jeans and a green t-shirt the same color of his suit.

“What are you doing here?”

“Thought I’d stop by, see if you’re still pissed.”

“As I recall it was you that was pissed.” You roll your eyes at him.

“Only because you were getting in my way Sweetheart” The way he says your nickname is harsh and mocking, so different than the way the old Ben used to say it. When it sounded genuine, caring, almost special.

“Because you were about to rip Noir apart!” You gesture with the pencil in your hand, snapping your sketchpad shut.

“That pussy deserved it. Thinking he was better than me. I’m fucking Soldier Boy and he’s nothing more than a-“ Ben scoffs rolling his eyes.

“Ben I can’t do this if you’re gonna be like this right now.”  You interrupt pinching the bridge of your nose with your fingertips, still annoyed from earlier. You hated that he did that, when he made you feel like his babysitter, when he made you feel like you had to make apologies for him.

“Like what?”

“High, drunk, acting crazy-“

“I’m not acting fucking crazy!” He snaps.

“Ben-“ You begin with a sigh.

“Fine.” He spits. “We don’t have to fucking talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“Thank you.” You wave a hand haphazardly towards the kitchen. “There should be some whiskey in there somewhere. Though I don’t think you need anything else to drink.” Your nose wrinkles as you inhale, the smell of stale alcohol wafting back, followed by the unmistakable scent of perfume and sweat.

The super senses really sucked sometimes. Smelling the women that Ben had sex with was an unfortunate skill you had acquired.

“Fuck off.” He rolls his eyes, but waits for a minute eyeing you. “You’re not going to get it for me?”

You ignore his sharp tone and turn back to your sketchpad. “Nope. I don’t want to enable you.”

Ben stomps into your kitchen. It's immediately followed by the loud banging of him searching the cabinets for booze.

He should know where it is, spends enough time here.

“If you break anything, you’re going to fix it.” You shout opening your sketchbook back to the page you were on. You were drawing the Philadelphia of your youth, the familiar streets, the cars, and the women dressed in beautiful outfits.

“My hands are better suited for other things Sweetheart.” You hear him mutter under his breath and you try not to snap your pencil in half. His taunt made you think about Herogasm and the scent of perfume on his skin, and that was the last thing you wanted to think about.

Ben comes back and slumps onto the couch beside you, a large whiskey gripped in his hand. He sighs loudly to get your attention when you don't look up from your drawing.

"Alright, what is it?” You ask continuing to draw.

"Nothing.” He grumbles drinking from his glass.

“Ben, I’ve known you for over fifty years I can tell when you’re upset.”

“I’m not upset.”

“Well I doubt it’s over what you said or did to Noir today. So what is it? What are you not upset about?”

"I just thought it would be different." Ben swirls the glass in his hands.

"What?"

"Being on Payback."

"What do you mean?" You continue to sketch the shape of a woman walking down the streets.

"When I first started doing all this fucking superhero shit it was different. Felt like I was promoting something, now it kinda feels like I’m just here. And no one respects me.”

“They’re not going to respect you if you keep threatening them and beating up whoever pisses you off.” You mutter.

“They might.” He snaps.

They won't.

"Well the way things are going with Russia I’m sure there will be another war." You sigh, thinking about the recent newspaper headlines. Everything was devoted to the Cold War, everyone was afraid of what Russia was doing or what they were planning. Stan Edgar and Legend were talking about some Anti-Communist campaign videos and posters that they wanted you to pose for, but you weren't sure you wanted to.

"You think so?" He sounds optimistic.

"I’m not gonna hope for one, but probably. I get it though. You’re doing all those movies and premieres and photo shoots, it doesn't feel real."

It was exactly how you felt. You felt that all this supe shit was coming to a head and what did you have to show for it? A few pictures of you holding up a car or a painted caricature of you on the side of a jet or a short film with stupid prerecorded lines that made no sense and even more ridiculous outfits that Legend tried to get you to wear. When you got the serum with Ben you thought you’d be contributing something to society, but no. It was just like when you were a child, dressed up like a China doll, made to be looked at but never used.

"I like those movies."

"I’ve noticed." You breathe remembering earlier when Ben almost killed Noir over the movie role.

Noir technically started that, but Ben just took it way too far.

"What about you?"

The question catches you off guard. “What about me?”

"You haven’t done any movies lately. Legend said that you turned down a few films." Ben takes a swig from the glass in his hand.

"Aren’t you afraid that I’ll steal some of your thunder Soldier Boy?” Your taunt. “Because I already saw what you tried to do to Noir today. And I’d rather you not beat me to a pulp-“

“You’re not like Noir. You’re different.”

“Mhmm. Sure.” You sigh rolling your eyes at him.

Ben sits there for a minute. You can feel his gaze on you. “I’d never hurt you y/n.”

The softer cadence of his voice makes you pause your pencil against the page. You knew it was true. Even when Ben was pissed off it was the line he never crossed. Ben never touched you when he was angry, but it never made it any easier to deal with him.

“Hey.” Ben whispers to get your attention, but you continue to look down at your paper. “Look at me.” His thumb comes under you chin to lift your eyes to his.

“You know that right?” Ben’s gaze is soft, you hadn’t expected it to be given the way he entered you apartment and his sullen mood. “You know that I’d never hurt you?”

The look in his eyes makes your throat tight, makes you see the Ben you used to know, who promised to look out for you and who promised to be strong for the both of you. And it hurts more than you thought it would, because you weren't sure that boy was still there.

“Yeah. I know.” You nod, but you don’t smile. You knew it was what he wanted to hear. “You’ve been talking to Legend about me?” You say to make the warm feeling of his touch fade.

He shrugs satisfied with your response, the softness fading from his eyes as he drops his hand. “I was worried.”

You fold your legs up under you. “I don’t know, I didn't love any of the scripts. And I’ve been thinking about getting out. I’ve been doing this so long-"

It was the first time you'd said it aloud to Ben. You'd mentioned it once to Legend and then made sure he never said anything about it. You weren't sure how Ben would react to you leaving.

"What?" Ben's eyes widen in surprise.

"Come on Ben, you’re telling me that you don’t want to have a normal life? Meet someone, have some kids, settle down? We’ve been doing this shit for years. Doesn’t get any easier."

"Sometimes.” He smirks at you. “So who’s the guy?”

“What?” You raise your eyebrows in confusion.

“The guy you’re going to settle down with.”

“What makes you assume that I’ve met him?”

“I mean, I’ve never seen you with anyone. And I’ve never walked in on you fucking anyone. Plus, you never come to Herogasm-“ Ben pauses. “It’s not Noir is it? Is that why you were protecting him today?”

“No.” You scoff, shading the side of a building to avoid his gaze, because how do you tell him that you met the only person you’d ever wanted when you were 8 years old?

“Good.” Ben drinks from his glass. “I do think about it sometimes.” He says it quietly.

“Huh?”

“The house, having a few rugrats.” He shrugs. “Might be nice.”

“Yeah.” Your throat is tight imagining Ben with someone else like Countess, sitting at his wedding, watching him say those vows to someone else. You didn't think you'd be able to just sit there if it came to that.

“How about you and I get married?” He says it nonchalantly.

You roll your eyes. You knew he didn’t mean it. He was just saying it to joke with you like always. Ben never saw you that way, you were realizing that more and more each day, even though it hurt to think it.

“We’d kill each other before we say I do.” You quip staring down at the page.

“Maybe. But really, we’ve known each other long enough-“

“That’s not a reason to get married. Plus, we both know that you’re not a one woman kind of guy and if you're actually being serious about this it would mean that you would have to change-“

You think about it. If Ben actually did want to commit, could he do it? His wandering eyes and hands would drive you crazy if he finally did want to start a relationship. You definitely did not want an open relationship. You wanted Ben to be wholly yours as much as you would be his, because you knew that if you devoted yourself to Ben, he would probably cheat, but then be furious if you spent any amount of time with someone else. You remembered all the ways he acted around Howard. Ben was crazy around him, and you and Ben hadn’t been together.

Imagine what he would do to someone else if we were.

“I can be a one woman kind of guy-“ Ben scoffs. “I can do anything.”

“Uh-huh. Sure.” You mutter, but you know he can hear you.

Ben puts down his glass on your coffee table before his hand lays on top of yours against the sketchpad in you lap.

“Y/n.” He whispers. You can smell the whiskey on his breath, but you don’t look up at him, you can’t. Because you know as soon as you look into his eyes you’ll do whatever he wants.

But you didn’t want to be his consolation prize. You didn’t want Ben to marry you because he was bored, drunk, and he thought he might as well marry you. You wanted Ben to marry you because he was 100% head over heels for you as much as you were for him.

He tilts your chin upwards to look at him. Electricity thrums in your veins when you lock eyes, the look in his gaze is open, gentle, almost tender.

It reminds you of the boy you used to know. Lately you hadn’t seen him. If you were being honest, you hadn’t seen him much since the night he came to ask you to come with him, before the serum, when you thought he finally realized that he wanted you as much as you wanted him.

The only time you’d see the real Ben was when it was just the two of you, not the angry, macho, vengeful fighter for justice that he put on whenever he was in front of the team or in front of the cameras. You didn’t understand that. He said that showing emotions made him less of a man, but he never seemed to have a problem being different when it was just the two of you.

You hated that. In those quiet moments you felt your heart clench tight in your chest because each time you thought that he would finally admit that he loved you, that after all these years you were the one.

But he never did.

“I could change.” Ben whispers. “I could be with one woman.” 

“Ben.” You take in a deep breath to clear your head, fighting the ball of emotion that has begun to burn at the back of your throat. “You’re drunk.” You breathe.

He blinks a few times as if he can’t comprehend what you're saying.

“You always get like this when you’re drunk. You know?” You pull back from where his hand rests on your chin.  “But you can stay if you want. There’s some pizza in the fridge and I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed.” You stand and step around him, the urge to cry building in your chest.

“Okay.” Ben whispers to the air, because you're already gone, fleeing down the hallway before he can see you cry.

When you step into the shower you allow yourself to break. The soft sobs drowned out by the sound of running water. You wished you could move past this, all of this and more importantly you wished that you hadn’t fallen in love with him. 

Memories of the past lodge themselves in the back of your throat. You remember the day he begged you to come with him to get the Compound V injection, when you left your life behind and chose him. You thought that was his way of saying he loved you, that he couldn’t live without you. You were wrong. It hurt to admit that, but you were wrong. Ben didn’t try to build on the relationship you had, he kept it the same, the friendly banter, the hugs, hanging around with you whenever he couldn’t stand to be alone. He still slept over, but that’s all that happened. You thought that day meant something, that it was the beginning of something, some wonderful romanticized future filled with warmth and love.

You never thought it would be like this.

You didn’t regret going with him often, but on nights like this when it was late and Ben was drunk and he acted differently you did. Because it made you think that there was a chance of a future with him, but then when he woke up the next day sober, it started all over again with him being short tempered and a dick to everyone who was around him.

It was exhausting. And you didn’t know how much more of it you could take.

The only thing you regretted about the serum was that it made you immortal, invulnerable, and that meant whoever you decided to make a life with would die. There was only a handful of others like you and you hadn’t liked any of them except Ben. You wondered if this was your penance for saying no to Howard, your mother's last laugh when she said that Ben would never choose you and now you had to go on like this forever.

You remember the fear that you would be trapped in a marriage with Howard, you never thought that you'd feel trapped with Ben.

But now…

When you walk back into your bedroom, Ben’s already in your bed, laying on his back, smoking a blunt and looking at the ceiling. He's wearing a pair of sweatpants, that you bought him forever ago so he didn't have to sleep in his jeans, and the same t-shirt as before.

“What did I say about smoking those in here?” You sigh, getting into bed beside him, but being careful as to not touch even though it’s all you want.

“It’s a free country doll.” Ben mutters, but he puts it out in the ashtray that you left for him on the bedside table. Because you knew that he would continue to do it even when you told him not to.

The amount of times he ended up here at night always surprised you. Ben might have been bed hopping, snorting, and drinking himself into a stupor but the amount of times you woke up with him in bed next to you was astounding. He’d let himself in with the key you made him for emergencies while you were asleep. It was almost like he didn’t sleep in his apartment anymore and you hated how much you depended on him being there in the morning when you woke up. But the truth was, Ben was all you had, and the thought of losing him scared you. Which meant you continued to put up with the man he became, trying to hold tight to the image of the boy he used to be.

You lay on your back beside him, looking up at the ceiling. The inch of space between your bodies is almost too obvious. “I’m going to go to Philadelphia for a few days.” You breathe.

“Why?”

“My brother isn’t doing too well. His son called.” You say, your throat thick. “He said he thinks that it’s time.”

Your parents had passed a few years ago and Ben had gone to the funerals with you. When Ben’s father had passed, he hadn’t gone to the funeral, he’d drowned himself in the 21st annual Herogasm. And after he showed up on your doorstep smelling like sweat, drugs, booze, and cheap perfume. You’d made him take a shower before getting into bed. The next morning you had woken up in his arms, but more surprising was the fact that he had woken up before you and hadn't pushed you away, in fact he had held you closer to him. You figured that he needed someone there with him. His father had done and said horrible things to Ben, and you kept him company if that’s what he wanted, but couldn’t admit it.

“I’m sorry.” His hand finds yours on the bed. The gesture surprises you.

“Yeah. But that’s the way it is now, I guess.” You whisper, squeezing it.

“What do you mean?”

“We don’t age. Everyone else does. Means that we’ll always just see everyone else go.”

“But not us.” Ben says it like he’s trying to cheer you up.

“Yeah.” You sigh.

Does that mean it’s always going to be like this? Me waiting for him to come here after a 24 hour non stop orgy or after he’s had one two many? Just because he can’t stand the thought of being alone?

You didn’t want that future. You knew that he wanted to be there with you, but it wasn’t enough and it wasn’t the same thing you wanted.

Maybe getting out of this would be good. Put some distance between me and him, let me try to find me again.

Ben is quiet for a minute, the only sound you hear is the thrum of the blood in his veins and his heart steadily pumping it.

“Do you want me to come?” He says it slowly, his thumb rubs against the back of your hand in a soothing motion. 

The question breaks something inside of you, because you wanted nothing more than to have him there with you, but you didn’t want the version of Ben who was Soldier Boy, the loud, angry, short tempered version who was always high or drunk. The one that you felt that you needed to apologize for.

“Nah. It’ll be okay. I’ll get to see my great nephew. He’s supposed to be walking now.” You try to force cheeriness into your tone, but it doesn’t stick.

“Okay.”

You can’t help but wonder if Ben is hurt by your rejection. You did not often say no to him.

He doesn’t let go of your hand though, in fact he brings it up against his chest while he looks at the ceiling.

"Do you regret it?” Ben says in almost a whisper

"Hmm?”

“Coming with me.”

You pause for a second and think about lying, but finally settle on the truth. “Sometimes."

"Why?” Ben's voice rumbles against where your hand lays against his chest, and for a second you think he sounds almost pained.

"We’ve changed so much than who we were back then. Sometimes I don’t recognize myself.”

You didn’t want to say that it was him you didn’t recognize. Or that it always felt that you were running after the boy he used to be. The one that made you feel safe, comforted, made it feel like home.

"I don’t think change is a bad thing."

Of course you don't.

"It is if it’s in the wrong direction.” You whisper, but know he can hear you.

“So that’s why you want out? Because you don’t recognize yourself? Seems like a shitty reason."

“I just think it might be nice to try something new. I’ve been doing this for such a long time-“

“That’s why the films would be a good idea. If you want I can talk to the director about you being a co-star in the one we start filming next week. He won't say no to me-“ It was the closest you’d ever heard him come to pleading, besides the night he asked you to come with him to get the serum.

But why? Was it his way of keeping me with him? Was it because he didn’t want me to leave because he wanted me here? Or was it because he just wanted someone there to sit with when the silence was too much? The silence that seems to follow when he's not with me.

“Ben I’m okay. It’s okay I just want something different.”

“Like what?” You hand is still clutched in his where it rests over his chest and you can't help but wonder why. It was surprising. Sure Ben tolerated the occasional hug, but holding your hand for this long was unusual. You attributed it to the booze. When Ben got drunk he tended to be more clingy, he never admitted that, but you saw it.

“I don’t know. I just want a family again-“

“You have a family. You said you’re going to see your great nephew-" Ben says it like he doesn't want you to leave and it breaks something inside you.

How can he not admit that he cares about me? That he loves me? He has to after all these years doesn't he?

“I know. I mean I want a family. Someone to come home to every night, someone I love, someone who loves me-“ You fight to keep the frustrated tears from falling. The dream of him and you inhabiting your apartment together washes back over your mind in shades of gray. You wanted that so badly.

“Oh.”

“You don’t want that?” It’s taking everything for you not to tell Ben that you want it to be him, that you always wanted it to be him.

“Maybe.”

The silence grows between the two of you as you lay there and Ben still hasn't let go of your hand.

“Did you want to marry him?” He says after a few minutes.

“What?” You look at him confused. Ben isn't looking at the ceiling like you thought, he's looking at you. He almost looks, sorry. And you wonder again how much he's had to drink.

“That asshole." He clarifies.

"Howard?"

"Yeah."

“It’s been 40 years-“ You sigh as if it doesn’t matter. But it does. You chose Ben that night and you thought that him asking you to come with him meant that he was choosing you as well.

“Come on.” Ben squeezes the hand that rests against his chest.

“Why does it matter?"

“Because you’re saying you wanted a family. Someone to come home to and that pussy would have given it to you.”

You pause for a second trying to read his expression. “I like the idea of marriage. Of saying those vows to someone else.” You say slowly. “But I didn’t want to say them to Howard.” You don’t say that you wanted to say them to Ben, don’t say that the night he told you not to marry Howard you thought he was trying to tell you that he wanted to marry you instead.

“So you want to say them to someone?”

“Yeah. One day.” You frown, turning back to look at the ceiling. “You never want to say them to someone?”

Ben doesn’t answer immediately. “Maybe.”

Probably Liberty.

You sigh to yourself thinking about one of your least favorite supes that you’d come across. She wasn’t terrible, just pushy and into supes being united together. You also didn’t like that she felt that supes deserved to be worshiped, that supes were gods, but you knew you weren't. The powers were not random, the gifts were not given by God, they were given by the devil and all those deals came with a price. Even if you tired to walk away, you wondered if Vought would let you go. You also hated how much time Ben spent with her.

The thought of her leaves a bad taste in your mouth, and despite how good it feels, you pull your hand free from Ben's grasp  and turn your back to him, cuddling into your pillow. Your grip is so tight on fluffy material you wonder how it hasn't ripped, but you need to stop talking to him. Talking to him when he was like this made it harder and right now it was taking everything not to cry again.

And you were just so tired of everything. You wondered if one day it would be different.

“Goodnight Ben.” You whisper.

“Goodnight.”

And just as you drift into a dreamless sleep, you think you feel him put his arm around your waist and pull your back into his chest, but when you wake up the next day you forget and Ben is gone.

n/a: Yeah, this chapter is really sad. And I wish that I could say it gets better, but honestly, it's gonna get a lot worse before it gets better. 😭😭😭

Thank you so much for reading! If you'd like to be added to the taglist, please let me know :)

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[sulfurz]

ೃ༄ VERY CONVINCING (edge x fem!reader)

ೃ༄ PAIRING: edge x fem!reader

ೃ༄ REQUESTED BY: @slutforoscarisaac

could you possibly write a one shot with heel!fem! reader and judgment day edge? edge wants reader to join judgement day but she refuses (cause she’s an independent badass) on live tv which pisses edge off. so after their segment edge follows reader to her locker room to convince her to join. if you could please add your little sprinkle of nsfw that would be amazing!

ೃ༄ WARNINGS: sprinkle of nsfw n slight aggression

ೃ༄ WORD COUNT: 2.6k

ೃ༄ NOTE: i have not proofread this so excuse how messy it is. it’s messy in general tbh i’m sO SORRY but my god i am very attracted to this man (i’m actually gay and ace but that’s just his power)

standing in ring, mic in hand as you listened to the boos of the crowd shouldnt been have exhilarating as it was. but as you surveyed the arena, one hip jutted out to the side to see the majority of those around you jeering and giving you disapproving gestures, you couldn’t help the smile that crept onto your face. it probably seemed menacing to the crowd, a sadistic show that you felt no guilt for the betrayals you had done, but truthfully? you could get used to being so hated. most great wwe legends had this period in their career, and seeing your name up on this lists made it all worth it.

backstage, you had your friend and the crowds you stuck around. in the ring? the only allegiance you pledged was to yourself, and the audience were well aware by now that this loyalty to your own cause ran deep enough to turn on those who appeared to be your allies. you had a goal — the belt — and you didn’t care what you’d have to do to get to it.

“missed me?” you asked the wwe universe, satisfied with the heckles you received in response. your break had only been short, simply recovering from a surface wound doctors had advised needed time to heal over, but you had wasted no time in ambushing one of your fellow superstars backstage on your return, and the fans were shown once again you were back and undeterred from your backstabbing saga.

taking a few steps forward, your leant against the ropes that surveyed the right side of the arena.

“it seems in just a month you’ve all forgotten who runs this show huh? hope my little display reminded you all.” you growled out, voice as sultry as you could manage. you were a villain they loved to hate, after all. “i’m getting pretty fed up of you all doubting me. how many times do i have to prove i’m the best before you start to believe me?”

your taunts were welcomed with angry calls, coupled with the occasional fan who cheered as they stuck by your side. those that loved the underdog always made themselves known.

you were just about to launch into the purpose of your promo when the arena went dark again, and the first sign of trouble was when the animated wings spread ferociously across the screen at the back of the stage. really, with the track you were on, you should have expected this sooner.

still, nothing could have quite prepared you seeing the newly drafted judgement day appear at the opposite end of the arena to you, damian and rhea flanking their leaders side as edge honed his attention directly on you.

he looked so eerie in the dark, an unsettling feeling settling momentarily in your stomach as you dragged your eyes over the kingpin of the stable. he only smirked back menacingly as they made their way towards you.

as expected, playing their role as perfect lackeys, rhea and damian took their places either side of the ring, ready to jump incase you made a break for it — but not edge. oh no, he climbed into the ring gracefully, not stopping until he was a mere foot away from where you had returned to stand front and centre of the stage. from here, he towered over you, something you were sure on camera looked more intimidating than most things wwe had seen.

lifting a mic to his lips, judgement days leader began his proposition, not breaking eye contact once. “you’ve made your statement y/n. you’ve got what you wanted — an opportunity.”

after an intense stare down, edge stepped away from you, and suddenly you could breathe again as he paraded the ring in a circle around where you stood.

“you have a lot of things to offer: the heart, the mindset, the strength — but what you haven’t got? a lot of allies.” you daren’t turn your head fully to look at him, feeling how the intimidating (yet, gorgeous) man stopped behind you. all you were willing to give was a weak glance to your side to see rhea grinning in the darkness. “you could be so powerful if placed with the right people. you have everything it takes, but way too many enemies to take them all down at once.”

edge circled back around, acting like a vulture as it waited for its prey’s final breath. they were determined to wear you down, but you steeled yourself as you let the man continue.

“you have no aid, and when those you’ve betrayed turn on you — well.” edge chuckled to himself, sinister and gravelly in a way that went straight through you. “i’d hate to have a front row seat to your downfall when you could have had so much more.”

poking your tongue into the side of your cheek, you stretched out your neck as you inserted yourself back in the conversation. “your side getting cold, mister? need another body to warm your titleless stampede?” you sneered, finding satisfaction in the glare edge sent you in response. “if you think i’d join your faction just because i’m alone then you don’t know me at all.”

edge clenched his jaw, taking a step towards you as another chant was ignited amongst the crowd. “i know you’re a smart woman, y/n. i think you know we could be the leg up you need to finally take what’s yours. and i must say you’d be better to have us as allies than enemies.”

you pretended to mull it over, but your decision had already been made from the moment you saw them appear. you had gone it alone thus far, and if anything, it was now a matter of proving to yourself, and everyone who doubted you that you could do it.

“do you know what i think when i hear you talk, edge?” this time, it was you who took a step forward, crowding edge where he stood. you had to look up to speak directly to him, but your presence was large enough to veto the difference. “i hear a man who is scared. you all know perfectly well what i’m capable of. none of you could come out to face me one on one, so you just had to band together to prove a point.”

you clicked your tongue before continuing.

“that’s the difference between you and me. i’ve been doing this alone. my enemies don’t try to get to me because they know it’s a losing battle. and i’ll promise you something else,” you placed a hand against his chest for effect, sliding it steadily down until it rested on his sternum “when i win this, alone, without your pathetic help, you’ll be the first person i mention in my thank you speech.”

with that, you dropped your mic to the ground, giving an exaggerated curtsy that had long become your signature, before you clambered out of the ring and made your way down the catwalk to the familiar sound of your music. even those who hated you couldn’t help but cheer after the display, and you weren’t about to stick around to see how judgement day picked up the pieces of your rejection.

there was a certain level of pride in your actions, knowing you had stuck to your own guns. you had barely even faltered when cornered by the hall of famer, and you could use that as a testament to your determination. the congratulations you received from various superstars and company men as you headed backstage (even paul heyman stopped to praise you?!) certainly told the promo had been an overall success despite the interrupt.

there would be a lot to sort at a later date, surely some damage control that your manager would be responsible for, but for now you deserved a shower, and maybe some takeout.

the locker room welcomed you with a familiar squeak of the door, finding the room which you shared with just two others empty due to their lack of scheduling at the company tonight. these were you favourite shows, when you could stretch and take as much time as you needed, no fear of others bursting inside whilst you were kid costume change.

or at least, you thought.

it was just as you were brushing through your hair with your hands, a button down shirt hanging open on your frame over the underwear that the door opened with a clatter. you moved to cover yourself, and scream at whoever was entering unannounced, but then you turned to see the figure standing in the doorway.

edge stared you down, eyes only leaving yours when he took the opportunity to take in the sight of your half dressed body. you buttoned up the mid section of your shirt on instinct, stepping back to your back as the judgement days leader closed the door behind him.

“my answer is still no.” you muttered, trying your best to ignore how he locked the door behind him.

“i know.” he hummed, playing with the bottom of his suit jacket. you had to turn back to your things to avoid his cold gaze “you made that pretty clear with your attempt to embarrass me.”

“nothing personal, sweetheart.” you taunted, surely adding insult to injury.

edge gave a faint growl, suddenly crowding behind you a lot like how he had in the ring. you felt a tug to the hem of your shirt, slapping his hand away before you were even fully turned to face him. he was closer to you now, having chest nearly colliding with your own when you whipped around to shoot him a glare. but all your possible retorts died in your throat when you saw how he was staring at you.

like he wanted to eat you alive.

“oh trust me, sweetheart, i know. to turn down such an opportunity on a personal grudge? now you’d have to be more stupid than i first thought.” one of his hands reached up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear, but it wasn’t sweet in the way most would take that action, it was a fight for ownership.

you stepped back in an attempt to put some space between you and the man, but were met by the bench against the back of your knees, almost causing you to tumble. just before you could slam down against the seat and the hard wood of the locker spaces, an arm was around your waist, steadying you but leaving very little room to breathe.

“get off me.” you whispered, no real heat to your own request.

he knew that too, lips curling in a smirk as he realised he had you right where he wanted you. “you don’t want that, do you, y/n?”

steeling yourself, you choked out an unconvincing “i do”, and just to prove a point, edge released his grip just enough to allow you to slip.

you weren’t proud of how quickly you reacted, grabbing at the collar of the black suit to keep yourself upright and igniting a low chuckle from the man in front of you.

once you had steadied yourself, he was the one to move to release your hands from his collar. you thought he might move back after having made his point, but he didn’t make any attempt to even release his hold on you, instead, taking a step forward until your back was curved as it pushed against the hard wooden beam behind you. the only things holding you up now were the angle and the way you levelled your legs against his.

he used the position to his advantage, sliding his knee in between your thighs, knowing you couldn’t push him away for fear of falling. one of his hands came around your body, not quite touching in a way that would provide pressure, but dancing along your bare thigh enough to pull goosebumps from your skin.

“your little stunt has caused quite the rift amongst us.” he growled, low and rough as his eyes raked your upper body. the top of your shirt had slipped open enough now that you were sure he had the perfect line of view of your chest. “i think you owe me an apology. what do you say?”

his free hand, the one that wasn’t teasing your thigh, journeyed back up your body, coming around rest on the back of your waist. you couldn’t help but arch on instinct, head lifted enough that the space between your faces was almost minimal. he leant forward, breath ghosting over your lips as you mustered as much power as possible to whisper a half hearted “fuck you.”

edge chuckled again in response, hand on your waist giving a firm squeeze before his lips were on your neck. your brain was screaming to move away, but the pleasant sensation that rushed through your body told you otherwise. “you’d like that wouldn’t you.” he mumbled against your skin, trailing a line of kisses down the side of your neck and across your clavicle. you couldn’t help the gasp that slipped out as he attached his lips to the bottom of your throat, nipping at the skin there “tell me to stop, babygirl, and i will.”

there was your out, all you needed was to say the word and, despite his harsh acting exterior, the gentleman inside would stop. but you both knew you couldn’t, not with how his hand massaged at your waist, and his lips sucked what would surely be a bruise come the morning into your sensitive neck.

“edge,” you whispered out, hands coming around his neck to tug him closer. he obliged, hand around your waist pulling you up and flush against his body. the movement caused just enough pressure of his knee against your crotch, and the involuntary groan that left your mouth was welcomed by him smashing his lips against yours.

he kissed you ferociously, not wasting any time before sliding his tongue into the mix. then, your feet were off the floor and legs wrapping tightly around his waist as he pushed your back against the locker spaces once more, his waist pressed firmly against yours so that you could feel just how affected he was. you were sure you weren’t much better, feeling the way your body reacted on instinct to the man’s touch.

he supported you enough with his thigh to release one hand from under you to practically undo the two buttons holding your shirt together with an expert flick. the air conditioning hit your body once more, and for someone who wrestled in underwear, you had never felt more exposed than now.

“still not joining.” you mustered up enough courage to whisper the rejection again, gasping loudly when edge used your distraction to cleverly unhook your bra. it didn’t slip off due to the issue of your shirt still being over your arms, but he seemed pleased with himself as he kissed down your chest.

the hand that had worked the magic on your top trailer down your centre, teasing finger pressing until he reached the hem of your underwear. he attached his lips momentarily to your left breast, before his hand found its goal and he cupped your heat through your underwear, a snarky “even now?” breathed into your skin.

you couldn’t help the moan that tore out of you once again as edge slipped your underwear to one side, but this time all that followed was a chuckle of your own as you used your hands to direct his head upwards. just before you collided your lips together once more, you punctuated your laugh with a sly “actually, you’re very convincing.”

[meaningofaeons]

Sampo with a reader who does metal music- and bonus if they have like this stern and angry personality 😍😍😍😍😍

tysm btw your works are really nice

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ hard rock

⊹ character(s) - sampo koski ⊹ word count - 954 ⊹ notes - gn!reader, reader is part of serval's band (implied to be more of a contract member than a permanent member tho), post-belobog storyline, reader is also implied to be friends w/ both serval and gepard

hi anon!!! thank you so much for the req, it sounded so fun I just had to do it right away! and thank you for the sweet words (₌♥ᆽ♥₌)

As someone who remains in the shadows—as said himself, "People like us are more suited to being shadowy comic-relief"—Sampo didn't exactly expect to get tangled up with someone who shined so brightly in the spotlight.

You were blunt, almost rude, with a fiery personality that clashed with plenty of people.

Sampo's... conman-styled disposition also clashed with people, sure, but not in the same upfront way yours did.

Needless to say, when you two first met, opposites did not attract.

"I've half a mind to go tattle to the guards now! 'Savior of Belobog' or not, I don't care!"

"Hey, heey! No need for all of that, huh, sweetheart?"

"Call me that again and you'll be scamming the demons in Hell next, you filthy leech!"

So maybe Sampo had tried to sell you a counterfeit electric guitar, and maybe you weren't quite as gullible as he thought you looked weren't interested.

Can't blame a guy for trying, eh?

But still, your reaction and intuition interested him somewhat.

Despite the situation with the Supreme Guardian and the Stellaron clearing his name a bit, Sampo was still pretty universally despised by the Silvermane Guards, and they still had it out for him

So walking around the Overworld wasn't quite the walk in the park he sometimes made it look like...

But still, he found himself considering paying more visits to the overworld Belobog, hopeful to catch a glimpse of you.

You, meanwhile, actually found yourself in the Underworld more often.

The people were less uptight, less noble, and far more able to take your rough and tumble personality.

Plus, there were far more enjoyers of the metal music you loved putting on shows for.

Sure, you'd still play with Serval in Belobog when she had a show going, but the Underworld was a different type of crowd.

However, more than once, you'd notice an unpleasantly familiar head of blue hair enjoying your performances.

So finally, you confront him.

"What are you doing here, Koski?" You'd heard plenty about him from Gepard by way of Serval.

"Aw, just coming to appreciate the beauty of your music!"

It was rather irritating how his eyes raked up and down your form on emphasis of "beauty".

"Aren't these free-for-all concerts? Can't blame a guy for trying to find some good entertainment down here, huh?"

"Just don't cause any trouble with my fans."

"But I'm also one of your fans, Y/N!"

Eventually, Sampo wormed his way into your company by way of sheer annoyance.

It didn't take long for you to become reluctantly used to his company, allowing him to hang out after concerts and show you the ropes of the Underworld.

He got on your nerves, but you tolerated him.

Sampo, meanwhile, enjoyed your presence a lot. You were rough around the edges, sure, but he saw that hidden sweet side occasionally.

As you put up with him, he started to grow on you, too.

A conman, sure, but he always repaid his debts just as he claimed. Not to mention, he was a pretty good audience member for your shows.

Though you still got on his case if he tried to scam you, you quite frankly scared him a bit.

Soon, sometimes, you'd pretend to go along with his scams. When you were quick to transfer him some credits for his latest scheme one time, it freaked him out so bad that he stopped trying his tricks on you.

In fact, he had showed up to your doorstep with a bouquet of flowers and a deeply nervous grin.

"H-Heey, Y/N! Sorry again about that... little misunderstanding with the product link, ahaha... I thought these might make it up to you!"

"Flowers? Really? Do I look like the flower-enjoying type?"

Please spare him... he's already at his wit's end.

"Take me out to dinner instead. Your treat."

Oh?

"Then maybe I'll forgive you for that little stunt."

Oh?

Sampo had had plans to ask you out formally, but you kinda beat him to it.

He honestly thought you'd be more difficult to catch.

"All thanks to my endless charm!" he would preach months into your relationship, to which you would bluntly remind him that he annoyed his way into your life, and that you were the one with more charm here.

After that night, it was clear to everyone that you and Sampo had begun dating. You were quite the odd pairing to most, though.

Gepard even asked you if he was extorting you or anything, and if you wanted him to beat Sampo up on your behalf.

But no. In fact, Sampo was quite a gentleman as a partner.

You didn't go on dates all too often, but he was always your loudest supporter at every concert.

He already took a real shine to your music, but after getting together, he had a newfound appreciation for your work.

You also taught him to play, though he wasn't the best at most instruments. His voice isn't too shabby, though.

You found yourself worming some lyrics into some of your newer compositions that had to do with him.

Somehow, it felt like the songs that were subconsciously about Sampo were a bit easier to write.

Serval took a habit of teasing you whenever your lyrics would get mushier than usual, and as though reflecting your hot-headed embarrassment, the next several lines would be loud and raging.

Still, Sampo appreciated what you did.

In spite of all his flaws and unsavory ways, you could at least be thankful for that.

Besides... running up prices on ticket resales to your shows was a way more lucrative business opportunity!

He got a smack over the head for that one, though.

[blade-ranger-301]

Sorry about the bots!! I have the same problem on my main and side blogs. 🥲

So here is a normal question for ya! What are some of your favorite Blade HCs?

Ah glad I'm not the only one. They're so annoying 😭

And thank you for the ask! Means a lot and I'd love to be able to interact with others about our OC's and headcanons

I have a few of my own personal HC's for the angry helo 🚁:

- British. Despite the Planes 2 film being set in the US (I'm assuming), I'm writing my own fanfiction which is basically my own version of the film with added OC's, and it's set in the UK JUST for the sole reason that I can write Blade as a Brit 🇬🇧 (I have another post that support this lore: land, fire statistics, etc)

If Blade was British, he'd be from Northern or North-Western England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 He's got that vibe in him: Typical working-class, an unmatched taste in humour, down to earth, sarcastic, takes no shit, stubborn and incredibly stoic (especially this), and I would imagine he would swear.. a lot

I think another reason why this is fun for me is that I can show other non-UK followers what the UK is really like. None of that London aesthetics shit. Idk how others view my country but whenever you look at ✨️UK aesthetic✨️ pics online, it's either London or cute little countryside cottages. A lot of photos and posts on social media perceive the whole of the UK as one big "London" island. Blade is none of that, and I think it'll be fun to see what he brings to the table 🇬🇧

- another HC is that he's best friends with Bravo and Echo. I've not yet explored how he meets and befriends them

- Blade occasionally drinks on the job. Not intense drinking, but Maru would definitely make him a glass or two to prevent him from going on a rage induced murder spree on everyone when he's in one of his bad moods. It's even hinted in the film when Maru sarcastically replies to Cad via radio "Oh, he's out back sipping a Motojito". So Blade's definitely having a few cheeky mojito cocktails on the sly whilst on duty. Maybe that's why he's sometimes so calm and chill in the movie XDDD

- The biggest HC I'm exploring is a big self-insert in Blade's past. Nick is alive so there's a reason why he leaves filming, but he's dealt with another traumatic experience in the past.

For the entirety of 2024, I've been dealing with the aftermath of a best friend breakup. In all 24 years of life, this is probably the worst BFF trainwreck I've experienced to date. That person is also a member of the LM community (not here) and have since replaced me with a new best friend also in the LM community. So this year I've been processing the up's and down's in my mental health. It's been 1 year since it happened, and I'm still not the same and it still affects me, but I've survived and maybe I've come a long way since but it doesn't feel like it - but I'll keep on trudging forward *keep calm and carry on Brit energy 🇬🇧✨️*

I'm planning on Blade going through the same 'best friend betrayal' ordeal because I think that maybe this will help me in some way. Due to this event, Blade will be affected badly and will become depressed, withdrawn, melancholic and angry, and will actively isolate himself from his team and others. When my heli OC Toni comes along, she'll have a hard time earning his trust, but with time, patience and Maru's help, she will eventually break through his shell and he'll be a much happier character in future and they'll become a couple.

I'm not sure how the timeline and scenes will pan out, but I use quotes to take notes and ideas for now, but I struggle with motivation and creativity often. But I'm going to get the Planes 2 fanfic out the way before I can worry about this one XD

But anyways thank you for letting me ramble and I hope you all enjoyed the read ☺️

[silverstar70]

Fandom: NCIS Character: Alden Parker

Author's note: This is my first fanfiction ever, so please be kind. English isn't my first language so I apologize for any mistake. I was rewatching 20x14. I loved the episode but felt like something was missing. So here it is. Hope you like it!

Make things right

At the ding of the elevator, the team turned in that direction and saw Parker with three boxes of pizza. He walked in silence through the squadroom, no meeting the team’s eyes all pointed on him.

“I wanted to apologize” Parker said quietly, still not looking at them “I know these aren’t the picarones, but I hoped it would work anyway.”

The team, Jimmy and Kasie included, were still at the office to help McGee with the mission reports and thought that Parker went home so it took them by surprise seeing their boss standing there, quiet and vulnerable.

“Depends.” Torres was the first to break the silence “Did you get the pepperoni one?”

“And double cheese”

They ate all together without much of a talking and finished all the reports in record time. Parker was happy with this team, his new team. It was never like that at the FBI and after Jeremy he always preferred to work alone, only occasionally he worked with Fornell, he was a good friend. He knew what happened that night and helped him to move on.

He didn’t know what it would have happened if it wasn’t for Fornell. Right after the accident, he started drinking more than he should, it was the only thing that helped him not to think. He was angry at the world, but especially at himself for not covering his best friend's back.

Fornell arrived at the right time, helped him deal with it. He couldn't forget that night, but he couldn’t let Wills wins again and ruin his career. So, thanks to Tobias, he got back on his tracks and tried his best to learn to live with the guilt. Things went fine for a while, he started living again but as much as he tried, the guilt was still there. Not even Jaremy was able to redeem him from that feeling.

The NCIS assignment came as a fresh start. For the first time since the accident, he loved being in a team again. This team wasn't like the others, and he knew it right away from the loyalty they showed to Gibbs. Loyalties that they had also shown to him by helping him with the Raven's case. He hated himself for the way he had behaved towards them, for yelling at them and for running away from the crime scene without explanation.

Jeremy was right: the team had changed him. They had accepted him as one of the family and, with a little effort at first, he had earned their respect and trust. Now he was no longer just the boss, but also a friend to be counted on and he was proud. He was proud of this team and lucky to be a part of it.

Sat between Jess and McGee’s desks, they finished the pizza doing small talks and soon it was time to go home but Parker needed to make things right with them first.

“I wasn’t completely honest with you, guys. And I own you an explanation.”

“You don’t own us anything, Parker. We’re just happy that things ended well” McGee spoke for everyone, while the rest sat in silence looking at them.

“No, I do. I shouldn't have raised my voice at any of you," addressing Jimmy and Kasie in particular "I was mad, and I took all my anger out on you. You didn't deserve it. This story has haunted me for years and I've never been able to put an end to it and move on. When we found those pills, all the anger I thought I had buried came back and hit me like a train."

He paused for a moment, collecting his thought. They were family, they should know the truth, but it was harder than he thought. What if they’ll think less of him? What if he’ll lose their respect? No, he knew them better than that, but after all he wasn’t Gibbs. They didn’t own him anything.

“Parker, we get it. We would have reacted the same way, we just wished you told us” Jess reassured him. In that moment he blurred out the truth about that night.

“It was my bullet who hit Jaremy’s back.”

The team stood there in shock, looking at their boss in disbelieves, exchanging looks. Seconds passed and no one said anything, Parker was looking down at his hands in shame. He felt embarrassed and scared. After years he founded joy in working in a team once again, a new family, who respected him and trusted him with their life, and now he’ll lose everything because who would trust a boss who might shoot in you back during a raid? But he was wrong, so wrong.

“We have read the report. We know what happened that night, Parker.” McGee said to him, receiving a questioning look from Parker “I mean, we didn’t know this. We know what Jaremy told us. It was a hell, pure fog of war stuff. But, Alden, it wasn’t your fault. Certainly, Jaremy doesn’t think it is and neither do we.”

“We trust you Parker” added Torres.

“We’ll watch your back, and you’ll watch ours” confirmed Jess, while Kasie went to hug him in comfort. He embraced her tight, and a tear fell on his cheek. He wasn’t expecting all this support, but he was glad he was a part of this special team. When he loosed the hug, Kasie stood beside him to show him all her support.

“Thanks guys. You have no idea how much this means to me. I know I am not Gibbs, but I really appreciate your loyalty.”

“You’re right, you’re not Gibbs” Jimmy finally speaks and all turn towards him “But he’s not here now. You are. We’re loyal to you and I am sure it’s what he would want. No one gets left behind”

“Thank you, Jimmy.”

And with that all of them get ready to leave and go home to try to get some sleep. All together walked to the elevators and get inside.

“We still want the picarones tomorrow, though” Torres said before the doors closed and they all laughed.