#I still don't see a future for myself here

[luimagines]

Important (Hiatus)

....Where do I start?

After three and a half years, I think I've hit burnout.

Ever since my semester started back in August- no, back in the spring, my interests had fully shifted.

I think my career and journey as a writer and story teller are branching out into new territory now. And I want to see where it takes me.

It's been progressively harder to bring myself to write for this blog. I still have things sitting in my drafts and my inbox is still full but I really want to write original stuff and focus more on the series I started.

Not to mention that I genuinely have to start job hunting now as well.

After non-stop uploads and posts for nearly four years, I'm going to say that this is being put on pause. I wanted to last until the fourth anniversary but I can't bring myself to write that many posts and prompts to fill in that gap. Getting to this point was difficult as it was.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to bring this blog to a full stop.

I still want to talk to people. I still want to hear your ideas and your stories as well. I plan on keeping my commissions open if you still want more Zelda or LU stories, but for the blog itself, I think it's run its course.

I plan to spend more time on my other blog that I made for the stories I plan on writing in the future.

You can find it right here.

I hope to see you there! I have many more stories to tell. I just think that my time for LU is gonna be put on hold for now until my creative energy comes back.

I want to put my energy into something more productive to me in becoming a full-time author.

This community has opened up so many opportunities for me and I've got to talk to so many wonderful people. I couldn't be happier with where I am, truly.

I owe you all so much.

So thank you for entertaining me and my nonsense. <3

Thank you for giving me the push I needed to believe in myself.

And lastly, thank you for sticking with me for as long as you have.

All that being said, there will be no posts (written works) as of next week. And there will be no posts in the foreseeable future unless they have been commissioned and I have been given permission to post them.

[olderthannetfic]

Hi OTNF and everyone,

I am finding that it's harder and harder and harder to get into anything - book, show, movie... most things seem, you know, to just not be doing it for me, be it fanfic or original stuff.

In part, I think, it's a general restlessness and that it's become harder to give anything enough time to get into the stories, the characters, the settings, the narrative voices... I guess you can call it attention deficit on my part, just a need for stories to deliver those sweet, sweet hits quickly, but they're not.

I'm not currently ficcing but I did for years (might again in the future, who knows), and it's made reading, specifically, harder. It's like I've become more aware of what goes on behind the scene, I guess? I feel like I can see the writer giving up on a sentence, skipping a scene because fuck this, trying hard to not repeat a word although it's the only one that fits, etc.

Or maybe it's just the *everything* around us in the world that is weighing on me too much? I could say it's adult life, but then again I have more free time than most (and boy do I need hours of doing nothing to survive the other hours), and no family/partner (all that would put even more pressure on me): what is wrong, to make everything so UGHHH?

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut with a brain moaning feed me, feeeed me, and whatever I try to give it, it spits everything out. (Yes, I've tried hobbies, and nothing sticks there either. I've never really found rewards or satisfaction there, so...)

Decades ago as a kid, I was a voracious reader, although studying literature took the pleasure of it away from me. It took time and discovering fanfic that brought me back to reading, but at the time the internet was starting to be a thing, too, and it can't have helped the attention thing. AFAIK I'm not ADHD but then again, I couldn't get a proper diagnosis (the therapists I saw were either dismissive or just about The Talking, which was pointless for me).

I just wonder how it all disappeared, you know? Sometimes I find something that catches my attention for a while - a book (but I read quite quickly when motivated), a fandom... but it's been a while now, and it's just so frustrating! When is it going to come back? Will it ever? *gulp*

I know that books were escapism when I was a child, and then fandom was escapism, but at the moment I find myself grabbing at air and my empty hands are mocking me. Give me my escapism baaaaack!

So, uh. Anyone here with me?

--

Yes.

I felt like that during part of lockdown. Anhedonia is common in those kinds of circumstances.

Getting your mojo back is certainly possible, but you may need to go see a professional about depression and have some chemical assistance (yes, even if you don't feel sad per se), or you may need to change your lifestyle to one that doesn't have the thing causing you to need eleventy billion hours of downtime.

Aside from serious interventions like that, you can consider a social media detox. Remove every source of doomscrolling and time wasting of that type. When the attention span is zero and nothing brings joy, the tiny and useless hits from finishing a game of solitaire or seeing one more instagram post become very attractive. This is a trap. It will suck what little energy and joy you have and make your muscles flabby for the work of getting into an in-depth book/hobby/experience.

I know the feeling of being able to see how the sausage is made, but... well... first, being in a better mental state will make that matter less, and second, reading prose that is more competent will make that less of an issue. A lot of mainstream tradpub genre fiction is not, in my opinion, very well written these days. Obviously, people are still enjoying it, and that's fine, but if you're noticing writers fumbling around, it might be time to check out some literary fiction or some other category known more for prose quality than anything else.

It's also important to have some structure and some things to look forward to. Even if you feel tired, overwhelmed, and busy, sometimes, the answer is to do more... But it must be things that are distinct and significant and that get you off of the couch, like going to one museum every weekend.

I saw some advice once about this kind of thing that phrased it as "One big adventure; one small adventure."

Every week, you should have those two things to look forward to that matter. Check out a new coffee shop. That could be the small one. Go to an event: a gallery opening, a concert, whatever.

Physical exercise and doing some things that aren't as verbal and conscious thought-involving is important too. Painting is a better hobby for zoning out than writing is. Taking long walks in nature is good for most people.

--

The kind of intense, obsessive love I had for reading as a child and that I sometimes have for fandom requires a lot of attention and some time. It's escapist, but that masks how much work it actually was. It didn't feel like work only because we were in training.

If you've filled your brain and your day up with a thousand petty annoyances or minor and useless attempts to feel something, you won't have the capacity for those deeper things.

Because you are already at a point that's equivalent to a bad sprained ankle, trying to get back to running right now won't work. You have to stay off of the ankle for a bit, then build your strength and stamina back up.

[jaggedamethyst]

circuit breaker 🔬🌌 (part four)

tutor!jayce talis x reader, ekko x reader college au

content: jayce ghosts you when you need him most...so you have no choice but to lean on your best friend, ekko

pining, mental health mentions, neurodivergence, lmk if i missed any!

notes: ekko pic...omg... (you may think this series is going slow but i hate a slow burn ass fic that has them fucking chapter three don't pmo...also this evolved way past just jayce and i need to do ekko justice...bc some of yall don't, clocked it)

word count: 2.9k

series masterlist

⭑·ﾟﾟ·*:༅。.。༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　✿✼:*ﾟ:༅。.。༅:*·ﾟﾟ·⭑

“Do you know that girl Jayce is always with?” 

You arrived to class, ready to learn—but not about physics truthfully. You expected to cut corners, create friendly conversation about nothing, humor Viktor. When you got there, though, you had to ask him immediately. 

“Mel Medara?” Viktor looked to you with intrigue. “I know of her…but not much about her.” He leaned to his left, toward you, “Why?” 

“She’s just always…around? And we spoke to each other once but I was in a hurry…didn’t get much chance for a formal introduction.” 

“Are you certain that your intrigue is rooted purely in your inquisitive nature…or is there another reason you want to share?” 

“No-“ 

The sound of the door towards the front of the class opening interrupted you—it was perfect timing, actually. You would rather not have to unpack why Mel’s presence bothered you so much; truthfully it was an inexplicable feeling. Someone walked in, and you sat up straighter. 

“Hi, everyone! My name is Caitlyn, some of you may know me if you’ve ever been to the student resource center.” She smiled at you, exchanging a look of recognition. “I wanted to formally introduce myself… I will be joining as a TA. If you need anything and can’t get ahold of the professor, you can ask me your course related questions.” She moved to plug a laptop into the projector, “Here is my email for future reference.” She allowed some time for people to copy and take photos of her email down. “Unfortunately, today’s class will be canceled for an emergency…but I was instructed to relay to you that the quiz will still be held next week. It’ll be on vectors and calculating their angles. Be sure to refresh yourselves over the weekend and reach out to me should you have any questions.” People started to shuffle around her, getting up to leave class. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, guys. Feel free to use the space to get some other work done, or leave early.” 

“What the fuck, this was such a waste of my time.” You glanced back towards the board, making sure you got the email address right. “I have been so tired I could be sleeping right now.” 

“I’m sorry, I know you have a lot to deal with right now.” Viktor moved to the end of the aisle, grabbing his cane while slinging his bag over one shoulder. “At least you’ve been in tutoring. The quiz this week should be easier, right?” 

“That’s the thing,” you reached for your phone, “We’ve only just got to vectors so far. That was hard enough.” You hovered your finger over Jayce’s contact, never actually having messaged him. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you started texting him. 

hi jayce 

im sorry to bother you but i have my quiz next week and its gonna be on more stuff than we got to in our sessions

do you have any time to meet with me this weekend? if not thats ok, i can ask my friend

You paused, walking behind Viktor without looking up from the phone screen. 

i just need you

No, you shook your head, continuing the text. 

i just need your help

lmk

ty 

You grimaced at the text bubbles, hating how you split all of that up. You imagined his annoyed face, seeing all of these desperate messages. You wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t answer. You wouldn’t answer you. 

Viktor turned to you, “Are you alright?” 

“Yes, just frustrated and irritated and angry…thats all.” 

“That’s not a great combination.” 

You shook your head. Without trying, Viktor could always cheer you up. “Unrelated, but did Jayce ask you about what snacks I eat?” 

“He did,” he looked over at you, “It was odd. He said something about ‘reinforcements’ for your guys’ tutoring session.” 

“Oh...okay.” 

Viktor would call himself a lot of things, including perceptive. He didn’t say much, but he noticed the way your eyes lingered on one another when you first met. He was aware of the way you spoke about each other, especially when it was just Viktor around. He simply arched a brow at you, observing your concerned look at the phone screen. 

“Maybe you should take the weekend to rest and recuperate.” 

“I would…but the quiz-“ 

“Just for today. Wait for Jayce to get back to you. Then you can focus solely on next week.” He nodded reassuringly. 

He returned the nod, liking the sound of the plan. 

If only Jayce had bothered to answer. 

——————

“Hi.” 

“Come on in.” Ekko stepped back, letting you into his dorm. 

“I know it’s so last minute, but I know nothing about angles …figured you could help.” 

“I absolutely can help and would love to.” 

You sat your stuff down, getting comfortable as you’d done dozens of times before. You turned a corner, washing your hands at the sink before heading to grab a throw blanket from Ekko's bed. 

He knew your habits, calling from the living room area. “I have the heated blanket out here, too, if you wanna use that one. Know you get cold.” 

You exited his room, wearing the slippers you left under his bed. “Once again, you are the best…because I am, in fact, freezing my ass off right now.” 

“Want something to drink?” 

“Always.” 

The two of you were so in sync—it had to be that way after Powder. It became worse when Vi blamed you, suspecting one of you said something to her to make her disappear. Even though you know you did nothing wrong, there was still a self-hate there. That you couldn’t be there for a friend who needed you—so much so that she left entirely. You couldn’t do that to Ekko, he felt the same. 

“So,” you pulled out the folder Jayce had given you, a slight frown on your face at the thought of him completely ignoring you. “I have this paper, its like a cheat sheet for vectors…but besides what Jayce told me I don’t know what to do. The TA said we also have to calculate the angles…that makes no sense.” 

Ekko grabbed his notebook, flipping to a blank sheet of paper. He sketched a makeshift drawing—surprisingly good for how quick he’d done it. You were always in awe of his artistic talent. 

“Okay, so here…is a light pole.” He moved his finger to the other side of the paper, motioning toward a little drawing of you, smiling on the sidewalk. “This is you.” 

“Wait I’m so adorable here!”

Ekko chuckled, side eyeing you a bit, “Yeah…” 

You snatched the pencil—quickly drawing in a stick figure of him. “This is you!” 

“Is it really? Couldn’t tell.” 

“Hey-“ You swatted his arm, “You’re identical in my opinion.” 

“If having lines for a body is identical…then sure. But anyways…not the point of my sketch.” He grabbed the pencil back, “Thank you very much.” He flipped the pencil, using the eraser side to show you the details. “Okay…light pole…you.” He smirked, knowing you wanted to interject. Ekko raised his hand before you could, “This is the distance between you and the pole.” He made up and wrote a random number in feet under the bottom, the same for the pole. “This is the height of the pole. This is all you need to find every angle and distance measurement.” 

The look on your face was one of pure confusion. “How does that make any sense whatsoever, Ekko?” You moved to close the book. “Actually, lets just watch a movie instead. I’m prepared to fail at this point.” 

Ekko grabbed the book from you, reopening it. “Well, I’m not, so let’s get to work.” 

He continued, explaining as best he could. It was no use, though, it just wasn’t making sense to you. You nodded, trying to get him to move on to something else. 

“Does that make sense?” 

“Yeah.” You reached to hug Ekko, “You’re the best.” Pulling back, you plastered on a smile, hiding the discomfort. You didn’t feel ready whatsoever. Suddenly, Ekko grabbed your hands, pulling your attention to him. 

“You’re gonna do great.” He lingered on you for a while, “Promise.” 

The doubt you felt made you want to hole up and skip class altogether. Eventually, it developed into a disdain for Jayce. When you thought about it, he was the reason you were going to fail…again. 

——————

You decided against skipping class on Monday, but you were definitely opting out of that damn tutoring session. If Jayce can’t answer a simple few texts, how were you to know you even had a standing appointment anymore. It made you feel less than worthy of a proper notice. Above all, it just felt plain unprofessional…he’s an employee after all. 

Walking into class and into this quiz felt like a walk to your execution. Midterms were quickly approaching, which meant you only had so many quizzes you could fail before the majority of your final grade was tainted by bad ones. 

Viktor greeted you as normal, moving over to give you a seat. “Are you prepared?”

“As best as I can be.” 

The beauty of college was that you did assessments in class and got the results as soon as you submitted. Knowing you would get your score back in the next few minutes had your stomach churning. An image of Jayce, carefree and nonchalant, popped into your head. Nothing was making sense. Reluctantly, you started choosing random answers—disregarding the calculator altogether. Before you knew it, your grade, a 56%, reflected back to you. 

“Fuck,” you whispered to yourself. You closed your laptop, getting up to leave class early. “I’ll see you later, Viktor.” 

Before he could reply, you were gone. Pushing through the door. You grabbed your phone from your pocket, texting Ekko. 

im done early, wanna meet rn?

He replied a few seconds later.

omw 

You picked up the pace, not out of urgency, but in pure frustration. Everything you’d been working towards wasn’t paying off. The time you spent not being with Ekko—with Jayce—was a waste. 

When you arrived to the dining hall, Ekko wasn’t there yet. You took the time to grab both you and him something to eat for lunch. Within minutes, Ekko showed up, that warm smile on his face as usual. He leaned into you, giving you a side hug while simultaneously grabbing the food from you. 

“How was the quiz?” You didnt reply, simply giving him a side eye. “Damn…I’m sorry.” 

“Not your fault…but thanks for helping.” 

He’d seamlessly changed the subject—allowing the two of you to talk without the reminder of your failure that day. You didn’t acknowledge how fast the time had passed and truthfully, didn’t care. You hadn’t planned to show up to tutoring…much less give Jayce any notice. 

To your right, you suddenly heard a voice, interrupting you and Ekko. 

“Hey.” You looked over, seeing Jayce standing there. “I figured you’d be here.” He looks between you and Ekko, hands now on his hips. “You missed our session.” 

You raised a brow and crossed your arms over your chest. “Wow, really? Didn’t know we were still having those.” 

“Of course we are, you have those quizzes-“ 

“Had.” You interrupted, “There was one today. You’d know if you checked your phone.” 

He looked down, embarrassed at his phone sitting in his front pant pocket. 

“I’m sorry- I know this is important for you but something came up.” 

“What? What came up?” Ekko spoke up. 

Jayce turned to look at him, finally acknowledging his presence again. “Something personal,” he looked away, focusing back on you. “Can we talk alone?” 

Ekko spoke again, “Say what you need to say.” 

“I would, but I’m not talking to you.” 

A screech of Ekko’s chair resounded in the dining hall. You reached a hand out, gesturing toward them. “Ekko, please.” 

Ekko looked over to you and inhaled a deep breath. He was looking at Jayce again, but kept talking to you. “I’ll see you later, okay? Call if you need anything.” 

“Wait- Ekko-” 

Jayce gulped, sitting down across from you. You watched Ekko leave as Jayce took his seat, hands resting on the table. 

“What the hell is your problem? You ghost me then show up here with an attitude? I should be pissed…I am pissed! I failed because of you!” 

He nodded, knowing the weight of his being inaccessible. “I’m sorry.” 

“You said that.” 

“There was a personal thing, a family emergency-“

“And yet, your phone is still in working condition.”

You didn’t want to be insensitive, but it takes seconds to reply. A simple message would’ve sufficed. 

“My mom’s sick.” You froze—remembering that it’s just him and his mom. “She was in the hospital all weekend…it still hasn’t gotten better.” He paused, looking at you now, “I thought I owed you to at least show up today.” 

“Well…now I feel like shit.” 

“Don’t. Not your fault I didn’t tell you what was happening.” 

“Is there anything I can do?” 

“Hope she gets better?” 

You reached over, placing a comforting hand on his, “I can do that.” 

He let you linger there, before pulling back. “How about this week, since I messed up so bad with scheduling…we meet as much as you’d like just so you can be ready. Shit, it can be every day if you want.” He nodded, “We’re gonna make sure you pass this class if it’s the last thing I do.” 

“Are you sure? I can be pretty high maintenance…” 

He leaned back in his chair, a nonchalant yet playful look on his face, “Not worried about it.” 

“Okay.” You shrugged, “If you say so.” 

The pair of you exchanged smiles, not at all prepared for how tumultuous this week would be. 

taglist

@juskonutoh @sseleniaa @aerina127 @sleepysoldier @angelicmisty @1800latenitecreep @venus-in-roses

[lanalosty0uu]

⋆.˚ PROLOGUE ᝰ.ᐟ

🕰️ BACK TO THE FUTURE 🕰️

no specific warnings on this chapter slight foreshadowing of another stranger things character!

main masterlist

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

"Oh, no need to help, dear! I can do it by myself."

The nice 50 year old-ish lady told you not to worry about her fish pond. You're a second year high school student who just got accepted in an exchange program, and now you’re finally here, in Hawkins, Indiana.

"Oh, don't worry, Mrs. Byers, I can handle it pretty well… My dad also has a fish pond on the back of our house.” You tried to reassure her that it’s totally fine for you to take care of it. Remembering that she can already be categorized as an old lady, it would be very cruel of you if you let her clean it by herself.

“You are truly an independent and hardworking young lady… Reminds me of myself back in the old days.” You can see her smile while looking to a blank space, probably reminiscing herself back when she was younger.

You chuckled at her compliment, slightly thanking her for saying something you don’t hear everyday, especially from your parents. Instead of saying anything further, you smiled at her before continue cleaning her fish pond.

⊹ ࣪ ˖🕰️୭˚. ᵎᵎ🗝️

“Please, dear. Feel free to look around.”

Ever since you got here last week, you never had the courage to explore her gigantic house. Not because it has spirits living on it, of course not! (hope so) But, it’s more like you don’t wanna disturb her peace and you don’t wanna look like you’re being nosy about her personal stuff. Yet, from the first step you took on this house, you literally fell in love. The vintage architecture, big pillars on her yard, it seems impossible for an old lady to live her by herself.

Sure, her house only has two levels, but the interior of her house is just mesmerizing. The details and antique things in this place are remarkable. If only you don’t have to control yourself, you’d already touch every single one of her things.

The only thing that you did here was to go to school and spend time with her a lot. You went shopping together, clean the house, do regular house chores, watch cheesy rom-coms or comedy movies (which you surprisingly also love). The whole week basically already felt comfortable for you.

You always loved old people. You get to hear their stories, adventures, and all what happened in the past. It seems… Very interesting, so different with what you have now. And one of the things you love about Mrs. Byers, is that she talks about her youth days a lot in the 80s! You, as a person who is a big fan of the 80s always had an open jaw when listening to how beautiful life seemed to be in the 1980s, especially in the year 1985.

“These are some beautiful watch collections, Mrs. Byers!” You looked through a cardboard box full of old clocks and watches inside.

“Those were my parents’. I was planning to give those to the antique store since I don’t really use it. But you can look around there if you’d like, dear! If one catches your eye, please do take it before people put a price on it in the antique store.”

The feeling of knowing that you can look at these old watches and actually bring them home without needing to let out a single dollar made you feel euphoric. But, you still need to help her cleaning up this messy attic, not wanting her to get asthma from breathing the dusty air so much.

“Maybe I’ll do it later, Mrs. Byers. I gotta clean these up first.”

Mrs. Byers looked at you, giving you the ‘I swear this kid never rests’ look. Yet, she just smiled. And you know deep down she’s really happy to have someone to be her company and to help her around since her husband died a year ago.

⊹ ࣪ ˖🕰️୭˚. ᵎᵎ🗝️

“If you need me, I’ll be downstairs, okay dear?” Mrs. Byers excused herself to go back to her room, probably knitting since it’s what she’s been doing at home (as far as you know). She left you there in the attic, wandering through her watch collection.

As you were diving through it, you took pictures of every single watch, especially the ones that has unique details in it. But one caught your eye… A golden pocket watch. It has golden chains, chained to the top of the watch. Tiny details surrounding the face of the watch. Since it looks pretty old, it was also covered in dust and rust, including the roman numbers that tell the time inside.

You made the watch dangle around your arms, admiring it’s old, yet timeless beauty. You started turning the clock around, seeing if it still works or not. Sadly, it’s broken. You immediately thought of the 80s just by looking at it, imagining how Mrs. Byers would always wield it and brought it everywhere she goes, even though you know this watch must’ve came from an older time… Most likely to be from the 30s or the 40.

Since you liked that pocket watch so much, you put the chains around your arms, keeping it there as you put back the rest of the watches gently inside the cardboard, not wanting to be irresponsible after Mrs. Byers let you mess around with all of it.

note: hey, i'll be publishing the first chapter like around... later! but i'll be posting it today as well (i'll try hihi ^^), lmk what r ur thoughts about the prologue so far, and if there's any of u that wants to be in the taglist, feel free to ask! hope you like this one <3

@xprloki @pupwrites @gorlillaglue25 @lovestrucklyuniverse since y'all seemed pretty excited abt this, i've decided to tag y'all in this and all future chapters, really hope y'all like it and continue reading <3

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Mitsuhide Akechi Sequel

Please note that the provided translation may not be completely accurate and contains creative liberties. Expect some grammatical errors and inaccuracies. Spoilers ahead. Not a full translation.

After giving the horse a rest, we strolled together, taking in the cool breeze.

Right now, Mitsuhide is the only one by my side.

While I'm here, I don't have to worry about suddenly disappearing and scaring someone.

Mitsuhide: "Mai, give me your hand."

Mai: "Alright."

We intertwined our fingers and walked along the lakeshore.

(He brought me to this secluded place so I could relax.)

(Even though he must be busy, he still made time for this.)

He never expresses his feelings outright.

Even if I thanked him, he'd probably brush it off like it was nothing.

So instead...

Mai: "The breeze feels so nice, doesn't it?"

Mitsuhide: "Yeah."

Mai: "I'm so glad we could come here today."

Mitsuhide: "Yeah."

I poured all my gratitude into our simple, lighthearted chat.

(I'm really happy right now.)

(If only we could stay like this forever.)

As I wished for it with all my heart, a sudden gust of wind blew through.

Mai: "Ah!"

My body wavered, and our interlocked fingers came undone.

Mitsuhide quickly reached out, but his hand passed through me.

Mitsuhide: "!"

Mitsuhide: "Mai!"

(My body's disappeared again!)

Mai: "I'm right here!"

Mitsuhide: "Mai, where are you?"

Mai: "I'm here! I'm right beside you!"

Even as I shouted, my voice didn't reach him.

When I tried to grab his arm, I only touched the wind.

Mitsuhide, unable to see me, started walking in the wrong direction, searching for where I'd gone.

(What should I do? What can I do?!)

As I followed him, the anxiety I'd been holding back suddenly burst free, spreading like a dark stain across my heart.

Mitsuhide: "Mai!"

Mai: "Mitsuhide!"

Another strong gust of wind swept through, drowning out my voice.

*Ring*

Mitsuhide: "!"

Mitsuhide: "Mai, is that you?"

Suddenly, he turned around and walked toward me without hesitation.

Though he couldn't see me, he carefully wrapped me in his arms as if sensing my presence.

(Even though it seems like he still can't see me.)

As I stayed still, his gaze gradually focused on me.

Mai: "Can you see me?"

Mitsuhide: "Yeah, I can. I can hear you, too."

(Thank goodness.)

Mai: "How did you figure out where I was?"

Mitsuhide: "Because of this."

His fingers brushed against the string of my necklace.

Gently, he pulled out the small bell resting against my chest.

(The sound of the bell?)

Mitsuhide: "When you disappeared, your clothes and accessories also disappeared."

Mitsuhide: "But it seems this bell is an exception."

Mai: "Why is this bell different?"

Mitsuhide: "This necklace is something I gave you, but the bell itself is something you gave me."

Mitsuhide: "This bell belongs to both you, a person from the future, and me, a person of this world."

Mitsuhide: "It seems to slip through the restrictions imposed by this so-called divine punishment, allowing its sound to reach me."

The revelation filled my chest with growing astonishment.

(This tiny bell is what's keeping me connected to this world.)

Mitsuhide: "As long as I listen for the sound of the bell, I'll always be able to find you, even if I lose sight of you."

Mitsuhide: "So don't ever take it off."

Mai: "Okay, I promise!"

(It's just a little, but I feel a glimmer of hope.)

The moment I relaxed, my legs gave out beneath me.

Mai: "Ah!"

Mitsuhide immediately caught me with both hands, steadying me.

Mitsuhide: "This time, I managed to catch you properly."

Mai: "Thank you."

(I need to pull myself together.)

(He may not show it, but he's carrying a heavy burden of his own.)

(He's afraid of losing me. I can't let him feel that pain again.)

Mai: "I'm fine now. I can stand on my own."

Mitsuhide: "It's okay to not be fine."

Mai: "What?"

Mitsuhide: "I've known for a long time that you're someone who can stand on your own, but even so, let me walk beside you."

His low, husky voice seeped into my chest.

Hot tears began to well up, blurring my vision.

(I won't cry. He's smiling like he always does, so I won't cry.)

(He's hiding his fear of losing me and smiling to comfort me.)

Once I made that decision in my heart, a bitter smile escaped me.

(What are we doing?)

(We're both hiding our true feelings, but we can see right through each other, pretending to be strong.)

If I stayed silent like this, I knew I wouldn't be able to hold back my tears.

So...

Mai: "Mitsuhide."

Mitsuhide: "Hm?"

Mai: "Let's share a kiss."

Mitsuhide: "As many as you want."

Our lips met. Our tongues slowly intertwined, and our breaths mingled.

No matter how deeply we kissed, it never felt enough.

Mitsuhide: "Mai."

Mai: "Mitsuhide."

Between kisses, we whispered each other's names.

I tried to express my feelings with words, but they wouldn't come out, so we kissed again.

Over and over, without growing tired.

(If only I could open my heart and show you how much I feel for you.)

(How much you mean to me, how much I love you, and how happy I am.)

(No matter what the gods throw at me, this happiness inside me can never be taken away.)

Spending a long night alone in my room, I reflected on what had happened during the day.

(I've explained everything to the Oda army, and I want to rely on their help, but everyone is fighting their own battles.)

(I have to face this on my own.)

I took out the travel guide I'd tucked away, lit a candle, and sat down at my writing desk.

(Maybe I'll find some hint if I read it again.)

(Wait? There are more blank pages!?)

Startled, I flipped through the pages again and again.

(There's no doubt about it. Some parts have turned blank even before the Honnoji Incident. What could be disappearing?)

(Huh?)

A breeze sneaked through the narrow gap in the window, causing the candlelight to flicker.

The parts of the guidebook that were beginning to disappear were...

(Mitsuhide's name!?)

A shiver ran down my spine when I heard a noise from above.

(What's that sound?)

When a face popped out from above, I let out a sigh of relief.

Sasuke: "Good evening again from the attic, Mai."

Mai: "Sasuke! You came again?"

Seeing his usual blank expression, I felt reassured, and the chill in my body started to fade.

Sasuke: "I happened to be nearby, so I thought I'd stop by."

Mai: "It's like visiting a friend's house while on a business trip, huh?"

Mai: "Given your ninja work, I'm guessing you came to scout out the frequent rebellions against the Oda army?"

Sasuke: "Yeah. As expected from Mitsuhide Akechi's partner."

Sasuke landed gracefully and sat across from me.

Sasuke: "We suspect that the frequent rebellions are a plot by Kicho and Motonari."

Sasuke: "I wasn't able to confirm anything during this reconnaissance, but I agree with that assessment."

Mai: "Even the Oda army is considering that possibility. There's no direct retaliation, which makes it even more eerie."

Sasuke: "That means we have to stay alert in the future."

Sasuke: "The Uesugi-Takeda forces are also concerned about the situation the Oda army is in."

Mai: "Why would the enemy forces care?"

Sasuke: "My superior, though quick-tempered, is a man who sticks to his principles."

Sasuke: "He was furious, swinging his sword around, saying, 'I can't stand the thought of Nobunaga being killed before facing us!'"

Mai: "The combination of furious and sword seems so out of place in modern times."

Sasuke: "Back to a more important topic. Has anything changed since then?"

With trembling hands, I handed him the travel guide.

Mai: "Can you take a look at this book again?"

He nodded silently and quickly flipped through the pages.

Sasuke: "----!"

Sasuke: "This is..."

Mai: "I noticed it earlier. Mitsuhide's name is the only one that's starting to disappear."

Mai: "It's as if something is trying to tell me something."

Mai: "I don't understand why this is happening at all."

Sasuke: "........."

(Sasuke?)

Sasuke: "The hypothesis I made earlier might have been partially wrong."

Mai: "What do you mean?"

Sasuke: "........."

He looked away as if hesitating to speak.

An ominous feeling began to spread through my body.

(I'm scared to hear it, but...)

Mai: "Please, tell me!"

Sasuke: "The punishment you received wasn't just because you changed history."

Sasuke: "In the world we're in now, the Honnoji Incident happened twice."

Sasuke: "The first time was when you time-traveled here. The second time was when Oda Nobunaga was targeted by Ashikaga Yoshiteru."

Sasuke: "In both cases, Nobunaga wasn't defeated, and Mitsuhide wasn't executed."

Sasuke: "This is just my guess, but by the time of the second Battle of Honnoji, you and Mitsuhide must have already been in love."

Mai: "Yeah, I think so."

Sasuke: "Your presence in history affected things, saving Mitsuhide's life twice."

Sasuke: "In other words, your meeting changed history twice."

Sasuke: "That might be the reason the punishment was brought upon you."

(So, the cause of the divine punishment is that I met Mitsuhide and saved his life?)

A coldness seeped from my fingertips, draining the warmth from my body.

My throat was dry, and my tongue felt heavy in my mouth.

Mai: "Then..."

(I don't want to say this out loud, but I have to confirm it before Mitsuhide finds out.)

Mai: "In order to end the strange events happening to me, Mitsuhide needs to be defeated, just like in the original history, and disappear from the stage of history?"

Sasuke: "Yeah."

[painterofhorizons]

I have avoided publishing in my field academically the past few years, partially because I was busy doing other stuff that's not easily turned into papers, and partially because I'm so fed up with academia and how research works and don't see a future for myself in it so it felt like why bother.

But now that I have to write this last minute paper it feels really nice to be writing again tbh.

[hpdfag]

i need to ramble hold on. spawns in a cut so that people dont get blasted by unfiltered posting on their dash. i feel the need to disclaim that im only like 50% lucid right now so this might be disorganized or complete word salad i can't really tell right now

i love him so much it feels like it's consuming me from the inside out. i don't want to do anything that isn't for him. the only reason i haven't quit my job is because i want to make him proud of me. even playing games makes me guilty, because i know it's not with him. i married harvey in stardew. i ate the stardrop for getting 12 hearts as i kissed him. the taste reminded me of hinata. it's a strange irony.

this false body feels like it's trapping me, keeping me from achieving my true metamorphosis. there are streetlights glimmering in the distance. as i try to move towards them they always fade away. the morning will come in 7 hours and 43 minutes and the sun will rise and it won't blind me awake. i'm not reverent enough.

i should pray. not to jesus, not to any other false prophet. i should pray to Him. maybe that will bring me salvation? maybe that will free me from this hell? maybe it happened because i was unworthy of being one of his trusted apostles. if i was as holy as he was it would have been different, i would still have been beneath him but i would have served my divine purpose as his servant.

but that's not important. i dont think. im jor sure. i hate it. i hate Him. i feel like i should Worship him. there's a certain something i still havent fixed a glitch in my code i need ocean breeze summer sun beach sand shining brilliance he's perfect i need him i need warm sun and dry land i need to be with him on the floor i need to hold him i need need need need need need need.

more than air more than food more than clean clothes more than water more than anything else more than i need this terrible mortal life i need to become worthy for him of his love of his care of his touch i wont deny that i selfishly want him to hold me and touch me even though im unworthy even though im no more than dirt beneath him i desire him so deeply

[daz4i]

i literally can't think about life or the future for more than a few seconds without getting so distressed that i shut down. surely this is a good sign for things to come

[giantkillerjack]

Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.

And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.

I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.

But do you know what I found?

I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,

I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.

Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:

I was worth talking to when I was quiet.

I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.

So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.

You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.

(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)

[houseofwolvess]

oh god. my dad might be coming over to visit for the first time in over a month

[deviousdiesel]

.

[thecodeveronica]

Oh boy, Dead by Daylight patch time tomorrow. You know what that means! Time for me to unreasonably get my hopes up for new RE skins to be in the datamine and then feel the crushing disappointment when they aren't!

[winter-spark]

One thing I'm finding that I like about shipping is looking at the pair and going who is the most fun to see pining.

Like yeah yeah mutual pining is fine and all but Yuki pining after Muku is a lot more fun to think about then the other way around. Especially because Muku is just like that how can you really be sure he's not just being sweet little Muku.

That being said I also like to think about the "who fell first, who fell harder" thing and like obviously Muku fell first. And clearly, he fell pretty hard so I hope Yuki's okay.

[opeial]

sometimes i truly feel like this is the end

[nerdnag]

I hope everyone who reads this is having a better day than I am 🙏

[myheartxmyman]

Ich bin total Schlaflos. Gestresst & unglücklich. Nachdenklich.. Du meintest vorhins "ich will, dass du jetzt aussteigst. Wenn wir jetzt reden wird das nicht gut enden, das kannst mir aber glauben."

Wie hab ich reagiert?

Bin ausgestiegen, verheult und fertig wegen den letzten Tagen. Ich bin ausgestiegen und hab AKZEPTIERT was du gesagt hast. War dann noch so doof und hab gewartet, und für was? Für SILENT TREATMENT. Aber ich bin emotional missbräuchlich? Nur dass dus weißt, wenn man aufgrund von totaler Überforderung nicht mehr weiter weiß, und deswegen nicht schreibt, hat das nichts mit 'silent treatment' zutun. Wann habe ich mich sonst emotional missbräuchlich verhalten? Und wie hast du bisher reagiert, wenn ich meinte "wenn wir beide so aufgebracht sind möchte ich nicht reden, das läuft nicht auf ein konstruktives Gespräch hinaus." - hast du bisher nie, nicht EINMAL akzeptiert.

Wenn ich daraufhin gehen wollte, hast du mich entweder NICHT gehen lassen, mit ner Matratze ins Zimmer gesperrt, bist mir hinterher gefahren bzw gefolgt und wolltest teilweise ein Gespräch ERZWINGEN. Wenn das nicht geklappt hat warst DU derjenige der direkt von einer "Trennung" geredet hat.

Bestes Beispiel, nachdem ich schon deine Wohnung verlassen hab, mitten in der Nacht, nachdem ich schon gedöst hatte und immer noch todmüde war, selbst da hast du nicht akzeptiert was ich gesagt hatte. Im Endeffekt hatte ich das Gleiche gesagt, wie du heute. Du bist mir mehrfach nachgefahren, hast zig mal angerufen, und meintest dann "Wenn du jetzt weiter gehst dann schmeißt du das mit uns alles weg." in Kombination mit "alles deine Schuld, dein Verhalten,..." und etwas in Richtung von "das mit uns hat sich erledigt, ich würde es ja so wollen."

Weißt du, du meintest zu mir ich würde langweilig werden... das kann ich nur zurückgeben, allerdings versuch ich mich normalerweise zu beherrschen und sowas nicht zu sagen. Ich weiß, dass Worte stark verletzen können, und ich möchte dir keine Schmerzen, Wunden, Verletzungen zuführen. Apropos in eben jener Nacht hatte ich zusätzlich noch nen schönen blauen Fleck am Oberarm von dir erhalten. Immerhin war der die Zeit als ich im Krankenhaus war immer bei mir, ganz nah an meinem Herz. Selbst die blauen Flecken im Gesicht, welche durch nen dreifachen Kieferbruch und ne Operation entstanden sind, waren nicht so hartnäckig wie der blaue Fleck durch deinen Handywurf.. das muss Liebe sein.

Merke selber wa?