#I still can't believe I learned more from them at work rather than doctors

[justamedicalbat]

Happy international nurse day to all the nurses out there, hope you all get the rest you deserve <3

[mypoisonedvine]

Drabble Idea: Judge Crane decides to give his obsession a third option. Death, exile, or…….

You know he would use his position in order to get his crush all to himself while Gotham burns.

YES OMG SOME LOVE FOR JUDGE CRANE he's so underrated and I actually lost it when I saw the movies in theaters and he popped up <3 like omg look it's my husband

warnings: coercion, ownership, threats of noncon, yandere vibes

"You can't be serious," you mumbled, but you knew he was-- Dr. Crane wasn't an especially humorous guy, that whole death by exile bit from earlier notwithstanding.

He still smiled at you, though; "It's your choice."

"Well, it's not much of a choice, is it?" you scoffed.

"It's a better choice than anybody else got," Jonathan shrugged, "if you do choose exile, I'm sure these guys would love to give you a nice send-off-- right, boys?"

You didn't even have the heart to look back at the thugs who had dragged you in here, but you heard them chuckling and mumbling amongst themselves. Crane had made his message clear, and you let out a sigh of defeat. "Fine," you said.

"Fine?" he repeated. "What's that mean, you'll just die?"

"No, I--"

"You know, you said once you'd rather die than marry me, do you remember that?" He laughed. But that was years ago, when your father tried to set you up with him because he was a respected doctor and you were a nice young socialite-- it was more about rebellion than anything else then, but learning about his insanity and criminal activities wasn't exactly changing your mind.

"I was wrong," you admitted, "alright? I'm sorry."

He smiled again, a little more sinister than the last time. "Then you can wait for me with the others... sweetheart."

~

The huddled mass of the 'arrested' dwindled through the day, executives and politicians dragged up the stairs to meet their fate as determined by Crane; soon it was only half or less left behind, with you simply counting the minutes until you'd be taken-- you couldn't imagine what life would be like with Jonathan, and for now, you tried not to.

He came for you at the end of the day, standing above you and smiling down as you stayed sitting on the ground, leaning against a pillar and waiting for whatever he asked you to do. "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say," he admitted as he stared at you. "Hi honey, I'm home or something?"

"You don't actually sleep here, do you?" you frowned.

"No, no-- I believe in work-life balance," he shook his head; then reached his hand out to help you up. "Come on, let's go home."

Though you hesitated, you took his hand and let him help you to your feet with a wince.

"Are you alright?" he asked, seeing the pain on your face.

"They kinda roughed me up," you admitted quietly, though your breath caught when Jonathan pulled you closer.

"Poor thing," he mumbled, petting your cheek briefly, holding your waist a little tighter. "And having to sit on this hard floor all day-- you must be sore, hm?"

You nodded slightly, though you felt strange talking to him like this-- like it was a normal conversation, and not something you had to do to keep yourself safe. If being with him could really be considered 'safe'...

"I can write you a script if you're in too much pain," he offered, "but I think you just need some rest: somewhere warm, a nice big bed..."

He leaned in closer as he trailed off, taking a deep breath beside your head as he rubbed your back. Though he must have noticed the way you tensed up and nearly pulled away, it didn't deter him.

"I'll be good to you," he promised, "if you just behave. You don't need to be so afraid of me."

But you could hear the excitement in his voice; he liked that you were afraid of him. Finally, he had the power over you that you'd denied him all those years ago. No matter how sweet he promised to be, one way or another, he was going to make you pay for that.

[tinydefector]

Do you think cybertronians every freak out with more "fragile " humans. I have EDS and it seems to effect my knees the most right now so I tend to fall due to them popping and giving out on me. I'm used to it by now and have gotten knee braces. Do you think any of the bots or cons would freak out if they saw a human fall and have to lay down for a while. I think I'd find it really funny while laying on the ground in pain lmao. Love your work by the way you write lovely !

Gods, I felt the knees too much mine dislocated, and atm I have one that's been causing me hell

________

I do think they would freak out the first few times. But after a while, they would start just going. "You good?" But also on that, I believe they would also find ways to help improve your movement. Mind you, I have a rather messed up knee and need a brace that has a locking mechanism in it in case my knee gives out on me. So I can see a lot of the Cybertronians trying to help make you more comfortable with gadgets to help. For example, if you have trouble walking, they will make you a more advanced brace, one that still assist and holds much better than the flimsy wires in the ones you get from the hospital.

The first time the bots hear your bones crack, it sends them into a panic, thinking you're breaking, and they have them rushing you to the medbay into the doctors servos, saying your dying because your body is creaking and cracking.

These guys love modifying things because they know humans can't simply replace limps like they can. So when you have an issue with one of the wheels on your wheelchair. They are straight away working on fixing it up, adding wheels with a lot more resistance to strain. Don't ask where they got the equipment. The bots try their best to be as accommodating as possible. A place doesn't have a ramp. They will lift you up the stairs. Even make it easier for you to get into their alt mode. It's simple little things, and they may not be a lot to them, but it makes life so much easier for you.

The medics also take it upon themselves to learn human medicine and body structure because after they hear you complain about how expensive health care is, they want to try and give you the best care they can. Which involves them making medicines, equipment, and services for you. Also, expect with any injuries that the bots are going to make you do a lot of physio to try and help you strengthen your joins the best it can. Tho they know each human is different, they do try their best to accommodate for you better than a lot of other humans do. To them, you are never a burden its always a delight for them to do something as simple as help you when you're in pain or having difficulty.

[chi-ow-hua]

"How'd you find out about being a demigod?"

Will frowns "Didn't I already tell you? You know...in. When. Uhm-"

Nico laughs, releasing Will from his misery - a rather merciful move for a child of the underworld. Will is so obviously working on being more open; efforts that are as adorable as they are painful and never fail to make Nico feel all disgustingly gooey. Will is struggling but he is trying. Because Nico asked. All his life he has taught himself to only take care of others, his every instinct begging to downplay and soothe and ignore instead of confront and acknowledge or - gods forbid - admit it out loud. But Will is never one to do things by halves; never would've been able to wrestle so many demigods from the unforgiving grips of death, otherwise; and definitely wouldn't have followed Nico into literal Tartarus. So he does it anyways. Even if he refuses to give himself the same forgiveness and grace he extends to his patients.

Will may never believe it when he tells him that he is one of the strongest demigods in Camp, but Nico means it. So what if Will isn't the strongest fighter? He doubts Clarisse could ever be so openly vulnurable without having an aneurysm or giving into the urge to stab herself with her spear. Besides, it's not like he has to be. That's what Nico is here for, after all.

"You told me that Stymphalian Birds were involved. And that there was a turd in the subway. Not exactly a very thorough account" And then, because Will is still used to thinking in black and white and extremes and has the stupid tendency to take everything as a personal failure: "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I won't be mad."

(Will is working on that, too. "I feel like this is different. From my other friendships." he'd said. "Bad different or good different?" "Good." Nico nodded, because he felt it, too. "I don't think I'm in love with you" he'd answered then, because that was probably the truth as well.

So they kissed, because they both liked it; and they cuddled, because they both needed it; and they went on dates, because dates were fun; and they were obnoxiously affectionate when it was just them and Will's siblings, because their reactions were always hilarious; and they both made an effort, because it was worth it.

And Will, who had always needed words and files and terms and diagnostics couldn't explain it in a way that made sense. Whatever they had, it wasn't black or white. Sometimes it felt like it was on a completely different color spectrum, as even shades of gray didn't seem to quite cover it. But he was learning that that was okay, too. It was good, even. Not good enough, just good.)

So this is their dynamic now: Nico trying to get Will out of his shell without being too overbearing while Will (that son of a bitch) is a stubborn asshole about it. Sometimes, when Nico needs to go and take a walk before he either strangles the son of Apollo or says something he doesn't mean, he wonders how Will could've ever fallen for him. Nico is all too aware that he was probably even worse in the beginning - sometimes the guilt of it eats him alive, now that he is on the receiving end of it. But then there are moments like these, and Nico thinks he almost gets it.

No, the irony is not lost on him. And Kayla sure finds it absolutely hilarious, all "and so the giver finally becomes the receiver" and "a taste of your own medicine, mister doctor". Still, it's all too easy to slip back into their old roles. Will's position as head medic certainly doesn't help: Nico has lost count of how many times he's seriously considered threatening the entire camp to just not get hurt for one day that really can't be that fucking hard before realizing that promising serious bodily harm would be rather counter-productive in this scenario. He would be a huge hypocrite if he said that he wasn't part of the problem, too. It's all too tempting to blame his own less-than-stellar moments on everyone around him and hide behind his person to escape the consequences. But they know that they need to learn to open up and rely on themselves and each other if they want this (whatever that is) to work, so they keep trying.

Will nods. "No". Then he frowns, shaking his head. "No, I mean. Yeah. Sure. I guess I'm just curious why you're asking"

Nico shrugs, raising a brow. Because it's you, he doesn't say, because Will isn't the only one who has trouble saying the important things out loud. Besides, judging by his flaming cheeks, the message was received anyway.

And there really isn't much more to it. Of course he knows that most stories are rather traumatic, which is why he doesn't feel comfortable asking the other campers about it. He is somewhat aware of some of the arrivals - mainly from bragging Ares children, but he doesn't trust those as far as he can throw them. He has heard Sherman changing his story at least three times; the number of monsters chasing him magically multiplicating every time he recounts it. Either that, or they are Percy Jackson, which is its own category entirely.

Still, he can't help but feel that losing over half a century in a time-stopping casino is on a bit of a different level. Even for Percy Jackson standards. He is just so incredibly curious about what an average demigod experience is like. A curiosity that only grows as he becomes more and more aware of how his own life is definitely not that.

Will is always his go-to on that front. He never judges or laughs at Nico for asking questions, no matter how odd or stupid. It also makes it incredibly easy to mess with him, especially now that they are working extra hard on open communication and all that shit. Nico practices constraint, though. Mostly.

"Okay, so. This actually happened a few years before New York." Will's voice gets that nostalgic tone that always appears whenever he talks about his life before Camp. He's relaxed, now, all loose-limbed compared to the beginning of their conversation. Nico leans against him, own body relaxing in response. "I get these headaches sometimes, you know. Never figured out why. Ibu never worked. But one time I took Paracetamol and it just. Stopped."

Nico nods encouragingly. Will looks at him expectantly. It takes Nico a moment to realize that... that was the story. He straightens (ha, as if) up again. "Wait, that's it?" Maybe he should reassess his whole 'Will's life as the blueprint average demigod experience'-thing.

"Well, yeah." Will looks irritated, glaring at Nico and the shoulder he'd been leaning on. "Prick", Nico mutters, nontheless going back to their previous position. Will flicks at his nose in response. He doesn't have to look at Will to know he's wearing one of his stupidly triumphant smirks. "I was curious as to why paracetamol worked where ibuprofen had failed me so many times before. And do you know what I found?"

"A forgotten ancient myth about how Paracetamol was created by your dad?" Will flicks Nico's nose. Again. He can admit that it was probably deserved, though.

"No, stupid. I found out that we don't know how Paracetamol works. Isn't that insane? We take the pill. The pill works. BUT WE DON'T KNOW HOW IT DOES ITS THING!" He has a manic glint in his eyes that speaks of many sleepless nights devoted to exactly this question.

"So....you immediately went from that to greek gods are real? Just like that?"

"Obviously." Nico glares. Will has the nerve to smile at him. Fucking prick. As much as he complains about how impossible it is to know whether Nico is being sarcastic or serious, Will is infinitely worse. Especially because most people don't know to expect it.

Nico punches him, because sometimes fists speak louder than words, and Will just laughs. Nico moves away before he can get his nose flicked for a third time. It almost makes him miss the times people were still scared of him (that's a lie.)

"Okay, no." Will is still laughing, as if he hadn't just survived a blow by the Ghost King himself. Idiot. "But when Maron explained about gods and monsters and all that mess I remembered paracetamol and thought: yeah, that makes sense. Like, of course it's magic. You know?"

Nico just shakes his head fondly, once again stuck somewhere between amusement, endearment and just plain confusion. "Sure. Of course."

[nellie-elizabeth]

Grey's Anatomy: You Make My Heart Explode (21x05)

Teddy and Owen are so annoyyyyyingggg...

Cons:

I'm sad for no Yasuda this week because I know we're losing her soon. I wonder if we're just phasing her out right now with not much more content to follow. It's a bummer.

Lucas and Simone have a romantic moment in this episode and while nothing was super annoying about their scene, I do just want to lodge my familiar statement that they bore me. Just so that's on the record.

Owen and Teddy are not fun to watch. In one sense they are realistically like an old married couple, but only in all the worst ways. Owen is such a whiner, and Teddy is so rude to him, and they both rather unprofessionally let it carry over into their working relationship, and then Richard has to do a Wise Old Man routine and talk to Teddy about it, and Owen has to remember how to be romantic and connect with her so they don't have to schedule sex... it's just so tedious. Better, I suppose, than the kind of melodrama that makes me hate the characters with a fiery passion, but worse than if they'd just fade quietly into the background and walk off of the show while nobody's watching. I can't believe these are the characters that are sticking around, and not Schmitt and Yasuda.

Pros:

I really liked Schmitt and Adams's dramatic helicopter adventure with their young patient! I felt some real tension for them and then felt the corresponding relief when they made it back safe. Amelia making eye contact with Lucas was a nice little touch, checking in subtly on her family... I also loved that Monica gave Levi the validation that he does belong in pediatrics and that she does believe he can be good at it. Schmitt is a lesson in how making a bad first impression doesn't mean you can't ultimately be really successful and find your place in the world. He takes a little longer to figure things out, but he always gets there in the end!

I was right about his love interest dude, too. Turns out, not a cheating thing. A dead husband thing. The comedy of Jo and Levi hiding in Jo's car from their problems as their men accost them from the outside was really funny, but I'm glad they didn't drag things out any more than that. Levi knows the truth now and they can proceed from there. I loved the line about how this is all really new for him, dating after being widowed... it puts Levi in a position to be the one trying to make someone else feel comfortable and safe, which I thing will be good for him!

Jo and Link are never going to be my favorite thing in the world, but I did at least like that they addressed the tension and fear they felt about the pregnancy in the way that they did. Link's fix-it attitude is his own way of coping with his fear, and it clashes with the way Jo needs to emotionally process. That seems like a very realistic conflict for them to be facing!

Blue ends up being an advocate for a member of the janitorial staff who has a serious health condition and can't afford treatment. I like stories about Kwan giving a shit, even though it's not like it's some big secret that he has a soft heart underneath all the attitude. I have a feeling that this will be a story-line that carries through the season, which is something Grey's has gotten better and better about doing in recent seasons - we learn that the hospital administrators want to help this guy get the treatment he needs, but the timetable might prove an issue, as the man has a son with special needs who can't be left on his own. I'd love to see Blue continue to problem solve on this and learn to be a better doctor and person through the experience.

I'm sure I've missed stuff here and there - Ben seems to be settling in just fine, Bailey is still a little anxious about it, the interns are all exhausted picking up Yasuda's shifts, but they're hanging in there. We finally saw potential movement on the Amelia/Monica front, but not a lot of development. Maybe we'll get a Meredith check-in soon? We'll find out soon enough!

7/10

[observeowl]

Her Assistant | Chapter 15 - I can (finally)

Summary: After losing her family, Natasha Romanoff builds her company from the ground up. During the rise of her company, she decided she needed an assistant, one that works in her office and her house. That's when she saw your resume. After working five years for her, how was it like working for her? Or more importantly, how things progress?

Series Masterlist

Natasha POV The doctor told me that due to her excessive crying, it led to her getting a bit dehydrated and causing her to faint. They have shifted her to a ward where she can rest before she wakes up.

I opened the document Bucky handed to me earlier and saw it was a report of a DNA test. Even though neither Diana nor I said anything to her, I should have known that she was starting to suspect something. She was quick in making sure of her suspicions that she had gone to request for a DNA test between her and Evelyn. I don't know how she managed to get samples from Evelyn but she had managed to do it.

Evelyn was truly hers. Y/N is the biological mother of Evelyn.

She really had gotten pregnant before. It must have happened during the three year gap she took before going to college. That explains why she became so close off after that.

"Miss Romanoff." Bucky greeted, showing Wanda and Pietro behind him as they entered the room.

"Why did you guys come?"

"Isn't it common courtesy to visit when someone is sick?" Wanda answered innocently. "Or is it different here?" She continued when she saw the grim on my face.

It wasn't as if I wasn't happy to see that Y/N had a few friends that thought well to come and visit but I knew Y/N would rather be left alone and not be the center of the attention. She wouldn't want to be asked if she was doing alright when all she could think about was her deceased child.

"It's nice of you to come, but I think it's better you leave. I'll pass on your thoughts to her. I don't think she'd like it if there were too many people crowding her." I explained to them.

"Alright, let us know if you need any help." Wanda offered.

I nodded and saw them out before remembering something. "Actually, could you pop by my office tomorrow to make sure everything is going fine. Just make sure there is no problem arising, any decision still needs to come by me." I said, giving this chance to Wanda to have some learning experience on desk earlier than initially planned.

Minutes after they left, Y/N started stirring and woke up. She immediately sat up and tried to get out of bed. I tried stopping her and forcing her back to bed. She's way too weak to be leaving. "Stop! Let me go!"

"No! You're staying in bed until tomorrow morning!" I raised my voice at her.

"I'll hate you forever if you force me to stay here." She seethed. I looked at her to see if she was serious. I never thought she'll pull out such an ultimatum at this point. Nevertheless, I held my ground.

"You can hate me all you want. But you're not leaving this room." With a huff, she falls back to bed not before grumbling a few words. "I assure you, you can see her tomorrow."

Your POV Natasha knows... she knows... she saw the paper for god sake. I can't believe I found my daughter but now she's gone... in front of my eyes. I thought she died, they told me she died. I still can't believe it.

Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face again, this time silently. Natasha's hands were on my back and I turned to face her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it. I don't hate you."

"I know... it's okay... you're allowed to say anything you want at this point in time. " I shook my head. It's against the conduct to be speaking against your employer, I should have controlled my feelings. "Stop. I know what you're thinking, that you don't deserve to feel this way. But you do. I don't know what happened between you and Evelyn but I definitely saw the bond between you two in just three days."

"My daughter... she grew up to be so pretty."

"Yes she did. She obviously got her looks from you."

We held a conversation for a while until I started to feel my eyelids getting heavier and I noticed Natasha was sitting on a chair all day.

"It looks uncomfortable. Do you want to share the bed or shall I take the chair instead?"

"And risk you leaving the room? Never." I shrugged my shoulders thinking she was rejecting it until she stood up and told me to scoot over and make space for her.

The bed was quite small for two people so our shoulders were touching as we lay on the bed. It was awkward in the beginning as we didn't know what to do. Being able to hear her breathing and feel the heat radiating from her was something different. Although I think we personally have quite a close employee-employer relationship compared to most, this takes it a step further.

Eventually, my mind overthought itself until it became tired and I drifted off to sleep.

---

As per usual, I woke up earlier than Natasha. No matter what happened, my body clock refused to change. I looked to the left and saw her chest rising and falling at a steady pace so I got up carefully and went to the connected washroom to freshen up. There was a shower there so I took a quick one, I guess that's the perk of having money and a private room.

I scanned the room before opening the drawer checking to see if there was anything I could use to make coffee for Natasha. There were only 3-in-1 mix or 2-in-1 mix so I took the latter and started boiling some water.

The loud sound of the water boiling woke Natasha and she lazily opened her eyes. When she saw I was no longer in bed with her, she sat up straighter and looked around until her eyes landed on me. "I thought you ran." She flopped back down on the bed.

"There is only packet mix here." I informed her as I placed the coffee cup next to her.

"That's fine." She swung her legs to the side of the bed and took a sip. "Can't complain when this is all I can get."

"How are you feeling?" She glanced at me as she set the cup down.

I shrugged my shoulders, not having a way to describe my feelings. Everywhere, would probably be the closest answer. "Should I ask Bucky to bring you a change of clothes?" I directed the attention away from me.

"It's fine. Bucky brought Wanda and Pietro here yesterday and wanted me to pass on the well wishes. I figured you didn't want so many people around so I told them to go home."

Who would have thought I'd have friends who come to visit me when I'm in the hospital other than the few friends I have. "Thank you." Natasha was right, I don't know how I would react if there were others. I was not mentally stable enough to entertain others or have others look at me as if I was sick.

Natasha POV Once I managed to freshen up, we began the drive to the funeral. I'm surprised at the professionalism that she managed to keep. It would have been fine even if she didn't make my morning coffee or set of clothes for the day. I don't know how to tell her to stop and grieve for a moment.

When we reached, I realised she was taking a few deep breaths so I exited the car first to give her a bit of time. She leaned forward and against the steering wheel and her back was shaking. I want to be able to give her a shoulder to cry on but I don't know how.

"Sorry, I'm ready to go now." She made me jump lightly as I didn't hear her opening the car door.

"It's alright, take your time. I'll go with your flow." Y/N locked the car and walked towards the crowd.

The Williams recognised her entering and went towards her. "I'm sorry for your loss." She spoke first.

They shook their heads. "I know you're affected too. It happened right in front of us. No one would have known this would happen." The husband spoke. Y/N gave them a sad smile as she let a tear slip before wiping it away.

"Did you manage to get any info on Evelyn?" Diana asked. Y/N looked confused before asking what she meant. "Was she your daughter?"

Y/N looked at each of us stunned before replied. "Yes..."

"Thank you for giving birth to her. She was the best part of our life for the past 8 years. We can't thank you enough for giving us such an amazing gift. We wish you were there to witness it all." Diana went forward for a hug which Y/N took a while to reciprocate.

"W-was she good?" Y/N asked while hugging.

"She was great, perfect even. The best there is."

Y/N let a few more tears fall before pulling away. "Thank you for raising her so well." They let her off to pay her respect before being approached by others who were paying their respect as well.

I've never really seen Y/N's back since I'm always standing in front of her. She looked so devastated from behind. I never noticed how she looked from behind although that was what she mostly sees of me. Y/N stood there silently for a while before placing the flowers on the ground. I saw her mouth move a little but I was unable to hear anything.

After that, she went to a nearby bench to sit as she pulled her legs to her chest and hugged them. Even as the funeral proceeded and the coffin was covered in dirt, she continued to watch from afar. Time passed and people started leaving but she was still sitting there not moving. Once everyone left it was already getting darker and she walked closer to the grave and knelt down.

I gave her a bit of space before checking in with Wanda to see the progress in the office. Thankfully, nothing major requires my attention. Since we didn't announce when we were going to launch our new product, pushing the date back should be alright.

"I'm ready to leave." Y/N said as I ended the call.

I nodded and held my palm out and curled my fingers. "I'm not going to let you drive. Give me the keys." She seemed unwilling to do so until she realised I wasn't going to back down and searched in her pockets before pulling out the keys.

It was quite a bit of a drive from the graveyard but we eventually reached home. I turned to my side and saw Y/N sleeping peacefully. I didn't want to wake her up but we had to enter the house somehow. I told Bucky to come and help me carry her into her room before asking him to order some dinner as we haven't eaten the whole day.

Wanda chimed in saying she didn't mind cooking a small side dish as she has been interested in cooking and has been looking through some recipes. As much as Pietro can cook, he takes a long time to cook and we would be eating at midnight if it was left up to him. He was better as a sous chef for Wanda.

I left them to it before taking care of Y/N. "Hmmm, are we back already?" She stirred as I was pulling the duvet close to her.

"Yes, you're already in your bed. Bucky helped me bring you in. Just rest until it's time for dinner. I'll call you again." I said softly before getting ready to leave. I felt a hand on my wrist as I turned to leave. "Do you need anything else?"

It took her a while before she replied. "I don't want to be alone." She looked so scared as she said it.

"Do you want me to get in with you?" I made sure it was what she wanted. She nodded and I lifted the duvet before getting in. "Alright, I'll be right here."

It took me by surprise when Y/N held onto me and muttered. "Don't leave me." My heart clenched when she said those three words. I let my hand stroke between her hair as she drifted off to sleep.

"I won't. I'll take care of you. I want to take care of you." She finally relaxed and let her mind rest. I didn't lie when I said I want to take care of her, I like her, a lot. I'm falling for her and it's scary.

Your POV It was nice waking up feeling warm. A different kind of warmth that I'm used to, this radiates throughout my body and I felt myself hoping that this never ends. When I realised it was Natasha, my face heated up before realising what happened before. I couldn't believe what I did. Did I just ask her to stay with me?

I was still feeling embarrassed by my actions when Natasha woke up. "Oh hey, you woke up. Bucky must have left us alone." She said after checking her phone to see that it has been around two hours since we came back.

"U-y yeah..." I became a stuttering mess now that my head was a lot clearer and being in close proximity to her.

"Are you alright? Want to head down for late dinner? We really haven't eaten the whole day." Natasha asked as she got out of my bed. I looked at her without answering her and she repeated her question. "Y/N?" She waved her hand in front of me to get my attention.

"Why are you taking care of me?"

She sat on the edge of my bed and my eyes followed her action. "I want to take care of you. I like to take care of you. I like you."

My mind didn't really catch the first two sentences as she was speaking really quickly but I heard the last one clearly. "You... like me?" I reinforced my sentence with my hands and I pointed to her then to me.

"Yes, I like you. I don't know when it started but I started noticing you a lot more and I want to care for you. B-but if you're not okay with it, it's alright. If you really feel uncomfortable, I can terminate this contract now and you're free to go."

"NO!" I shouted, shocking even myself. "I- I mean, I don't want to go but I don't know what I'm feeling." I admitted. Romantic relationships have never ended well for me and I don't have much experience.

"That's fine. I'll just continue to show you my appreciation but if it gets too much you can let me know. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." I nodded along with her words.

Her energy completely changed from serious to cheerful as she took my wrist and started dragging me out of the room. "Come on! If you're not hungry, I am." I had to quickly get out of my bed, lest I fall off.

Bucky and the Maximoff siblings were chatting in the living room when we entered and they noticed us pretty quickly with our noisy footsteps. "Miss Romanoff." Bucky greeted when he saw her. "I'll go heat up the food, it'll come shortly."

Wanda and Pietro didn't say anything but they were still looking in our direction. It was getting weird with the staring so I cleared my throat and told them I was going to help Bucky in the kitchen before he burned the food and kitchen.

"How was it?" Bucky asked when I went in to help him.

"How was what?" I asked as I started taking out the cutlery and placed them on the tray for later. I took enough for the five of us but Bucky said the rest of them already ate.

"Sleeping with Miss Romanoff, of course!"

"Don't say it like that!"

"Come on, I went in wanting to inform you dinner was ready but you were cuddling with her. I've never seen her so soft."

Soft... What a contrast. I didn't respond but we continued to talk about other things such as this being our down period compared to all the other hectic things as we waited for the food to be ready and served them to Natasha.

"I hope you enjoy it. That little side dish was made by me. Tell me what you think about it later." Wanda said chirpily and I was glad that she felt safe enough in this environment to share her feelings.

"I'll be sure to let you know." I told her as I took the first seat next to Natasha as she sat at the head of the table. Natasha looked at her food but didn't start eating. "Is there something wrong with the food? Should I get you something else?" I asked. She has always been easy with food options and eats almost anything that is presented in front of her.

She shook her head but her focus remained on the food. "Is there something else I can do?" Thinking maybe she somehow got sick from not eating for too long. She finally looked up at me and I looked at her waiting for her answer.

"Can I sit next to you?" Natasha asked shyly. I blanked out for a moment and my mind replayed the scene in the kitchen with Bucky. She really did turn soft. "It's okay if you don't want it, I'm okay with here." She began digging into her food when I didn't answer her thinking I didn't like it.

"Ah no, you can- you can sit next to me. I was just- I was just thinking of something Bucky said to me."

"You're cute when you stutter, it's a different side of you." She said as she stood up and sat next to me by the long side of the table but not before pressing a kiss on my head before sitting down. I sucked in a deep breath and it was my turn to stare at my food. "I like it when you blush too."

Where the hell did this woman find her confidence from?

The rest of dinner was done in silence until the end. "Wanda's side dish is great. Maybe she should start cooking for us more often." I commented to break the silence. We were done with dinner but we continued sitting there next to each other.

"I thought Pietro was the one with cooking experiences."

"He does, it's just he cooks really slowly. Which is surprising considering he does everything else quickly. Perhaps he's just afraid of moving too fast in the kitchen." I noted after seeing him work for a few days.

Seeing as the conversation wasn't moving anymore, I took our trays and brought them to the kitchen and placed them in the dishwasher.

"We are heading to the office tomorrow. I need to finalise some things and prepare for the soft launch of the new product line. The marketing team needs to know what to advertise." Natasha came and told me while I cleaned up a bit.

"Yes Miss Romanoff."

"Don't call me that." She turned around and responded very quickly. "It sounds very formal like you're rejecting me."

"It's a habit when you give me orders. I have been following you for almost 5 years. You can't expect me to drop it all of a sudden."

"Just try not to do it again." I nodded and she went off back to her office I'm assuming.

After wiping the dishes dry and settling them back into the cupboard, I went to find Wanda who was in her room. Pietro was sharing with Bucky because apparently, that's what bros do when they have survived and fought against one another.

I went in to tell her her food was amazing and that she could help in the kitchen sometime if she would like. But somehow we landed on the topic of Natasha. We talked for quite a while and I ended up sitting on Wanda's bed and talking about her.

"I think you came at a lucky time. She used to be much stricter with no room for error. She was quite a demon." Wanda chuckled at the way I described her.

"But I'm learning a lot." Wanda said with sparkles in her eyes. "I went to her office today and people were telling me things instead of ordering me without explanation. It was quite a change."

"It only happens when you're that high up in a position like Natasha. In the beginning, you would still be receiving orders."

"But at least I know what I'm working towards." I nodded, acknowledging the way she was thinking. We continued talking for a while before we decided that it was best for us to head to bed.

I knocked on Natasha's office door before entering. "Do you require anything before I lock the house?" Typical her was still working even though it was already midnight.

"No, I'm alright. Thank you."

"Don't stay up too late. Goodnight... Natasha." It was still weird saying her first name more so especially after she confessed to liking me.

"Goodnight."

Natasha POVIt brings a smile to my face to see Y/N not resisting the change. She's usually so calm and collected and I can't believe this was what it takes to shift her out of her comfortable spot. I sighed after placing a full stop on the last sentence I've typed. Perhaps I should follow her for once and head to bed early for once.

I made sure everything was saved properly before logging out.

I changed into my pyjamas before noting there was a cup with steam sitting on my bedside table. It must have been placed there not too long ago. It was a cup of warm milk that Y/N had prepared for me. I've never told her to prepare this for me ever but it brought so much warmth to my heart before I even drank it. I could feel her sweetness with the honey she placed in the milk.

I finished the milk quickly and washed it up before heading to bed, feeling the best I've ever felt.

[northwest-cryptid]

Okay so like here's the thing right, I've learned that I hold a sort of envy for an individual who's life I would never want to live. She very much threw her life away but at least she knew what she wanted. She got to be trans because she didn't work a job, so she could be as out as she wanted without consequence given that her family was fine with it. She could get on HRT, hell even my family supported her and took her shopping for clothes and the like; things my family wouldn't accept the same for me because I'm "their son." Though if that's all it was, that'd have been fine; no the issue came when she picked up hard drugs, had a relatively successful few polyam relationships; something I've only known a few times in my life and something I'll likely never know again. Once more I must state if she avoided the horrible ego death from so much LSD she can't think straight anymore, she'd have been fine. She even started producing, I'll say; honestly kinda decent music? It started to resemble music, but then remember; the acid, the LSD, the shrooms; it was never enough. She didn't have to survive like I did, she had a luxury of her boyfriend and her family being able to support her, she could still mask well while on HRT until she could pass so even when she had to get a job it wasn't too challenging for her; she even lived in a place where that sort of thing is a lot more accepted, so you know; not where I'm living now lol.

At the end of the day I lost my friend not in death, but in that she became someone completely different and we drifted apart, because the drugs just got to her; she'd become almost hostile if you didn't want to try them too; if you weren't willing to experience the world she had seen.

Yet I was always envious of her ability to just do whatever she wanted without a care. I'd never want to live her life; but the things she had were things I wanted, I just didn't know at the time. I think above all however, the fact that I realized I was trans so late.

Many of my friends will respect that I'm NB but it's fairly clear how I'm viewed, I'm not seen as a genderless or multi-gendered entity; rather I'm viewed as NB - Male. It's clear I'm still a man to most of them, as well as to the world at large. Coming to terms with the fact that while no, I don't believe I fit into the binary, I feel such envy towards my old friend because people actually respected her as a woman, there was no need to clarify, barter, or remind people. Even those of us who had known her for years prior to the transition.

I on the other hand have to fight to even be seen as anything other than a man, let alone non-binary. To be seen as a woman is so far fetched to me it feels impossible. If I started HRT I know what would happen, I wouldn't pass well enough, my voice or general genetics would easily give away that I'm trans; and living where I do, working the kind of jobs I do, that's not going to fly. I wouldn't remotely be safe to do it. That's even if I could get through all the paperwork and doctors necessary to sign off for me to even get on HRT in the first place.

I've come to the realization that if I'm going to be viewed as any gender I'd rather that be a woman than a man; but that in reality I'm just feminine leaning; I don't wish to be one or the other exclusively in it's entirety.

I am left wondering if my desire for change doesn't stem from a sort of disapproval from those I care about. I want to be seen as I am by them; even if it means I have to change my physical appearance to make that happen. I hear the way they speak of others, including other NB individuals; never failing to use proper pronouns; until it comes to me. Then it somehow becomes an issue; then it somehow becomes confusing.

I don't want to be rude to the people I care about, I don't want to be off-putting and "correct" them. I guess I'm just tired of not feeling respected or seen or understood.

One of the main reasons I kept to myself about being trans was because I watched how my family treated my friends, always making sure to be accommodating; using the right pronouns, bothering to actually help them transition; and then seeing how they reacted to me even remotely mentioning that I was questioning my gender. Or how they reacted to me being pan, refusing to accept either; telling me I've never "slept with a man so how do I know?" Only to become enraged when I told them I have, several times; and that I even had a few boyfriends in the past.

I've learned that others are allowed to be things that I am not, more often than not I don't even feel like I get to be me; rather I'm just whatever others want me to be when they want me to be it. I exist for others, be it at work or at home or wherever. I don't even know what I want anymore because I've spent so long being someone else for everyone else.

[daz4i]

no by now I'm seriously convinced nikolai has no dark background or huge trauma in his life, to me the best background he can have is completely mundane and average, probably being some office worker, and he just went insane from that. the absurdity of a normal life.

his eye scar was either some boring accident (but he keeps making up wilder and wilder stories about how he got it) or self inflicted, in an attempt to prove free will exists

his ability can embody the wish to escape from situations quickly, or mixing things up easily, displacing things, stealing easily, etc. you could argue the distance limit of 30 meters is like a house arrest monitor range, bc even tho he's technically "free" there are still limits imposed on him that he can't truly escape from - still having to abide by certain rules set for him (in a way, the overcoat is like the ankle monitor here - he is imprisoned, this thing symbolizes that he has more freedom than other prisoners would, but still not fully so)

when he says he's sane, i don't think it's accurate. it's more right to say he's aware, and knowingly chooses to do the things he does. bc imo he's still kind of insane, it's just that his problem is he's TOO aware of reality, too aware of his own existence, detached from others because he does at the end of the day perceives reality in a different way from them, just not what doctors would call a delusion, but rather. nihilism? despair? a thirst for hope? probably a mix of all of these and other things i can't put in words yet

idk if that makes sense. not sure if this is the best wording. but this is what i believe his Thing might be (tho the ability part is more of a headcanon and trying to find some symbolism in it). idk if we'll ever learn his story and I'm fine with that, i think it works with his character and his role in the story to remain mysterious, it adds to his unpredictability. but if we do get some crumbs, i really hope it's something like this 👉👈

[steel-and-fire]

🐱---- Is your muse graceful? Do they possess a skill that they're quite precise and never sloppy with?

🐶 ---- Does your muse get excited easily? Is there someone (or particular people) that make them excited?

🐎 ---- How strong is your muse? Could they fight someone with a stronger skillset than them?

🦒 ---- How does your muse feel about height? Do they like their height or are they ashamed of it?

🦝 ---- What things have your muse gotten away with? Do they get sneak away often?

🐻 ---- What are some strange sleep patterns your muse has? Do they sleep a lot, too little, not at all?

//Oh, Jesus xD okay then

1. 😺 I wouldn't call Ferenir graceful by any stretch. If anything, he is a little clumsy too. Big and tall, and still unused to his horns and tail, he bumps into things quite often.

That said, when he is working, he becomes hyperfocused, and he is precise to the finest detail.

2. 🐶 Fen isn't an extremely excitable person, although he has a lot of things he does like and they make him happy. He will rarely show over excitement even with them, as he tends to be more reserved. But, three situations are exceptions.

First, is his art. When it comes to blacksmithed objects, he is like a kid in a toy store. He loves learning everything about high quality items!

Second, is his main hobby, which revolves around finding precious, or be exact, beautiful stones and keeping them in his collection. As an Earth Dragon, it is his small hoard, and he is way too obsessed with them.

And third, it's when he sees someone important he hasn't in a long time. Be it friend or especially lover, he becomes emotional, and he can't help himself from being all over them for a while.

3. 🐎 Ferenir is very strong. Much stronger than he looks or the vibe he gives. That is because Ferenir has no aggressive bloodlust, nor does he like looking for trouble, and especially, he doesn't dress the part.

But constant fighting and life or death situations have increased his powers to the point that he has become rather terrifying to fight. While his physical strength is impressive, it doesn't match other supernatural beings. His endurance though, is legendary. His toughness, durability, stamina and regeneration make him nearly indestructible.

That couples with the fact that he grew up and learned to fight as a normal human, thus always expecting his opponent to be stronger than him, making him able to deal with enemies far above his level. Plus...his runic mastery has come to add a lot to that.

4. 🦒 Fen is pretty tall, by human standards. 6'4" (195cm), sets him taller than most around him, although there are plenty that far surpass him.

He really doesn't think much about heights, and is very comfortable with his own. He never feels weak or meek when next to a taller person, nor does he see people shorter than him in that light. It is very convenient for reaching stuff!!

5. 🦝 Hmm...Ferenir doesn't really sneak away often, he isn't much of a rule breaker. He will not do it for mundane things, and not for things of personal interest. He will, though, if it's something he morally believes in. The law is important for the well being of everyone's lives, but he will break it if he thinks something good will come out of it.

If I had to point at the worst things he has gotten away with...he assaulted a drug den that was taking things too far, and murdered everyone who drew a sword against him. It was darker times. He was excused by the authorities due to self defense, and finding out the amount of people that drug den had led to their deaths, a whole pit of bodies thrown away into the caverns.

But then, he also...helped himself to a whole bunch of opium, which he secretly paid a doctor to help him alter it for safer use. It wasn't for himself, and he deemed it very important.

He led a group of vampire kids to a crime capital so they could feed on criminals and not get in trouble with the law(?)

Oh, and he made a deal with a devil. For the protection of his friends. It backfired, of course.

Yea, he hasn't been the most lawful kid, but it always involved helping others, and it has been a while since he last needed to go that far.

6. 🐻 I wouldn't call it exactly strange, but Fen is very much a cuddler when he sleeps. If he doesn't have someone to grab, he will his pillow. Something is getting hugged for certain.

He does sleep a lot, in general. His body has a big demand of energy for his powers to function, so he both eats and sleeps a lot. It's not to say he can't go with little sleep, in fact he more often than not has to, but when relaxed and with time to spare, he will very much enjoy some nice rest.

[autobot2001]

Distrust

@juneofdoom

Day 17"Don't lie to me." | Accident | Doubt, Day 19 Wound Cleaning | Guilt | Chair Day 22 "I'm trying!" | Rage, Day 26 "I made a mistake." | "Give me another chance.", "I'm so sorry." (Will likely be in a story)

"What happened?" Sideswipe asks, seeing how displeased Sunstreaker is sitting on his bed. "Lily. She decided to go home for the weekend. I know Veronica doesn't want to come here, but I think Lily decided to leave, thanks to the fraggers." "I'm amazed you didn't stop her." Sunstreaker doesn't say anything.

Lily didn't want to go home — even if it was a break from the soldiers targeting her — but Veronica didn't want to come to the base, nor did she want Lily to tell Sunstreaker to stay away from the two. Lily doesn't point out that if Sunstreaker were that possessive, he'd come to her house or forbid her from going home.

Lily rushes down the sidewalk from the bus stop. She decided to go to the base earlier than planned. The twins would just be getting back from morning patrol. As she runs down the sidewalk, she trips. Lily catches herself but still ends up scraping both knees. Even if I can get to the medbay before Sunstreaker sees this, he'll question what happened. Lily thinks, believing Sunstreaker won't believe anything aside from a soldier who tripped her.

Lily walks into the base as the twins walk out of the hangar and see her. "Who did this to you?!" Sunstreaker asks. "No one, I-." "Don't lie to me!" "Seriously, Sunstreaker? Doubting Lily. Do you think she'd lie? You'd just find the soldier who hurt her anyway," Sideswipe argues, "come on, Lily. I want the medics to look at your knees." Sunstreaker angrily follows the two to the medbay.

Having just finished with a patient, Jasmine sees Lily and the twins walk into the medbay waiting room. She sees Lily's scrapped knees. She takes the three to an exam room.

Lily sits on the exam bed. Immediately not liking, Jasmine is touching her knees with gloved hands. I know you have her favorite candy in your stash. Get it. Sunstreaker instructs Sideswipe. "I'll be back,* Sideswipe tells Lily and leaves. "Let her sit on my lap," Sunstreaker says, picking Lily up. He sits on the chair with Lily on his lap. Lily tells Jasmin and Sunstreaker what happened. I told you not to assume. Sideswipe argues, feeling Sunstreaker's guilt. Tell me later. "This isn't serious, but it's going to sting," Jasmine tells Sunstreaker as she gets what she needs. The stinging is enough reason for Lily to try to kick Jasmine away. Sunstreaker worries that's what will happen, but he can't restrain Lily's legs to keep her from kicking Jasmine. Once Jasmine is done, she gives them instructions on caring for the wounds and tells the two they can leave.

Sideswipe waits for the two in the waiting room. He shows Lily that he has her favorite candy. Lily doesn't care that this is normally done after a little kid goes to the doctor. She's more pissed at Sunstreaker for thinking she was lying, even if he's been worried about soldiers targeting her.

After what happened the second she got to the base, Lily would rather stay away from Sunstreaker for a while. Sideswipe gets the hint, telling Sunstreaker the two mechs will work out while Lily is with Jamie and her guardians in the pool. He forces Sunstreaker out of the pool room once Lily is in the pool.

"What was that for?!" Sunstreaker yells. "What do you mean 'what was that for'?! You know exactly what you did! She knows he can't lie to you! I don't think she wants to, even if she knows you'll find the soldier who hurt her! You have a lot to learn about trust and relationships." Sideswipe walks away. "you can't love anybot! You're a monster! And anybot who loves you is a fool! Even your brother!" Sunstrealer hears the words of his sire in his mind. Sideswipe feels panic from Sunstreaker and realizes what he's done. As much as he doesn't want to, he texts Ratchet to help me before getting Sunstreaker on the floor, hating how Sunstreaker seems unaware he's beside him. Scrap, he's thinking of everything our sire said to him. Sideswipe suspects.

"You did what?!" Ratchet scolds, "after months of anxiety, you didn't think that would set him off?!" Sideswipe doesn't know what to say. Now he realizes Sunstreaker still struggles with the fear that his sire is right. The medics find out the pool room is being used, seeing Lily rush out and sit on her knees before him. Knowing too well what's going on. Blaming herself for this. "Sunsteakerm, you're ok." Lily takes his hand, but Sunstreaker doesn't react. It's like no one is home. Lily observes. That he's too deep in thought hearing the trash his sire said to him. This is cliche, and others are watching, but… "I love you, Sunstreaker, " she kisses Sunstreaker. Sideswipe feels his brother calming down before Sunstreaker hugs Lily and closes his eyes, tears rolling down his face. Jasmine and Jolt go back to the medbay. While this has happened countless times before, Ratchet still worries and stays. By now, Jamie and her guardians are seeing what is happening. All three know something happened before Lily thought to kiss Sunstreaker. "I'm so sorry," Sunstreaker cries, "I made a mistake-." 'Sunstreaker, I-" Lily tries to get him to stop talking. "Give me another chance?" She looks at Ratchet, uncertain whether she should go along with this. The medic nods, uncertain if Sunstreaker can listen to Lily say anything else. He knows Lily didn't end their relationship or friendship, but Sunstreakler's mental abuse prevents him from understanding Lily was only displeased. "Ok, you get another chance," Lily tells him. Lily and Sunstreaker go up to their room. "What the frag happened?" Crosshairs asks. "Every time we think he's doing ok, something happens," Drift sighs. "This could be an unresolvable issue," Ratchet sighs, "you all know Rung wouldn't think Sunstreaker doesn't need to see him if Sunstreaker is doing better. Sunsreaker does better for a while, then something happens." "Even if Rung decides that can't continue, Sunstreaker won't want to see Rung while he's doing better," Drift points out, "even with support, Sunstreaker struggles." The three hate that there's no clear answer. Sunstreaker's centuries of abuse will be hard to help Sunstreaker deal with.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi, I don't expect anything from you, I needed to tell someone who's into the matter.

I have, for some while, suspected I have a dissociative disorder. But I had no bulletproof evidence. It was rather "feeling right" the more I learned about it. Sometimes I was 100% certain and sometimes I was 100% certain I am just making it up. I accepted that, and since I anyways need a therapist, delayed the question till then.

I started writing diary (not in a classic way, just all my thoughts) when I was 14 and since I'll finish another book today, I thought about starting the next one with reviewing my old diaries and maybe I'll find some interesting thought I can copy and comment with my new knowledge (I am 23 now).

I wanted to be in the perfect headspace for it, so it won't trigger me as much (I was in psychiatry when I started it) and yesterday evening I was just looking for the dates, so I can put the books in the right order. I still needed to scroll through them, because back then I didn't care about writing down the dates carefully, and I saw something:

A list of names of "alter egos" with their personality traits, their looks, their attitude etc.

I did remember some names, but some are absolutely foreign to me.

Idk, it wasn't triggering, I just thought "I was pretty broken back then already", but it is another evidence that strengthens my belief in a dissociative disorder, and, compared to my other ones, which could also just be symptoms of other mental illnesses, a valid one.

And another old thought came back into my mind, when I read that:

I am following a Youtuber with a DID, who didn't know until she was in her 30s and in hindsight found out, that her former ANP, who managed her life until her 20s, couldn't do it anymore and was replaced.

When I heard that, it reminded me of something: After I was released from psychiatry, I completely collapsed. I had expected and wished to be taken from my family, or at least, that my family would now be more careful with me. But it just started where it all ended, so, when my doctor called me a week later to check in, I absolutely collapsed, like I have never before or after. I was admitted for another weekend, and after that, it worked. The way I managed to live with the abuse changed (and with that, it didn't affect me as much emotionally), I kinda gave up and just accepted my life, I stopped self harming one day to another. I became dissociated from my feelings and I took on a new name, a (in my country) male one. Not on purpose, it just happened. I happened to not feel connected to my birth name anymore and for some reasons chose that one. I am afab but gender was and is a very complicated topic, but back then I started to view and present myself as male.

And when I heard the story from that system, all the last paragraph, all these information came into my mind and I thought, if that might've happened to me too.

And yesterday, on that list, there wasn't the name I am using still now (though my inspiration for it was way older than the book). There were only female ones and I just thought "Why did no one of them replace [birth name]?" If it was only for a new self-expression

All the people in my real life aren't very familiar with mental health, trauma etc. so, I can't just tell them the new information and hope they'll understand the context. Which is why I needed to annoy you with it, sorry.

It feels like a puzzle, completing itself with every new information. From a mere feeling to maybe something more?

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through, and please know that you're not annoying us by sending this ask. It can be important to talk out these thoughts and experiences, and bounce them off another person.

It's normal to fluctuate between believing you're a system and feeling like you're making it up. Understanding the self can be a confusing, complex, and endless process. Please know that self-discovery and understanding can be a gradual process and it's okay to have moments of uncertainty and doubt. Keeping a journal can definitely help not only in discovering who you are but whether or not there are other parts of you as well.

It sounds like you have a few experiences that could be explained by a dissociative disorder, but it's also important to remember we're of course incapable of diagnosis. The insight of a professional might be more accurate and useful to you.

Ultimately, if you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist, ideally one who is knowledgeable about dissociative disorders, can help you navigate these complexities. A therapist can guide you through the process of understanding your symptoms, exploring potential diagnoses, and providing the necessary support along the way.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[timeoverload]

My day was absolutely overwhelming. I couldn't even stop to take a drink so I'm super dehydrated. I feel like I have whiplash. I can't believe how much I got done. I only had 25 cases but they took all day. There were several transplants and other specialty cases so they used a lot of shit. There weren't any PPV's so I was happy about that. The doctor working in the morning got 13 cases done in less than 2 and a half hours so I had to move fast.

The director still hasn't figured out what to do about the problem with the I&A's so I am not going to change what I'm doing until he tells me otherwise. The doctor didn't have any problems this morning thankfully.

I was pissed earlier because I found out that one of the I&A's that the other doctors use went missing so now we only have 1 extra. I hate how it falls back on me whenever something goes missing. The coordinators told me I should just peel pack them all from now on. I don't think that is going to prevent them from getting lost but I wasn't in the mood to argue about it. I guess I'm willing to try. I had 60 sitting at my station so it took me a while to get all of those done and I also had other stuff to do on top of that. It was just too much. I was working as fast as I could and I managed to get everything done by the end of the day.

I was also annoyed because I typically have a more intense schedule than everyone else. They were all just sitting around until 10:30 watching me work my ass off. I got help so that I could eat breakfast but otherwise I did it all by myself. It's not supposed to slow down for me at all this summer so I am disappointed. I never get to leave early anymore.

I was happy that the evening team lead told me that he wanted to learn how to do my job. It's important that he learns how to do it in case something happens after I leave. I think he can tell that I am overwhelmed and I'm glad that he cares enough to take the initiative to help me. He is a good friend. I trained the lady that works nights how to do it but she protests every time so I don't want to ask her anymore. She is not very helpful sometimes. She expects everyone to get shit done before they leave so the only thing she has to do is run the autoclaves and dispatch. She never has to go into decontam for anything and I don't think that's fair to everyone else. I don't think she knows how to use the equipment back there anymore so that's not good. I think she can be kind of lazy sometimes and she is usually grumpy. The morning team lead still won't learn either and I don't think he wants to. He would rather just follow me around and talk to me about random shit. He has had plenty of opportunities. It's not even that hard so I don't get it.

I am glad that I got my station all cleaned up and I put stuff away before I left. I didn't have to stay late, thankfully. I really hope next week is better and that nothing bad happens. I don't want to think about it anymore.

All I want to do right now is get out of my bedroom. I hate coming home to a mess every day. It's hard to feel comfortable when I live like this. I am tired but I am so sick of being cooped up all the time. It is bad for me. I would love to go out to dinner and have a glass of wine or 2. That sounds really nice. I just need to do something. I think maybe I would feel better if I actually had something to look forward to.

I guess I will probably just go to bed early. I don't really have anything better to do and I should sleep. I definitely haven't gotten enough rest this week. I think I overexerted myself today. I don't feel very good right now. I want someone to rub my back. I am starting to get a migraine so I should probably stop writing now. I can't think straight. Hopefully I feel better in the morning.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow. 💖💖💖

[boldlyvoid]

the guy at the rock show

she/they reader x Spencer Reid

request for @boba-king-iroh ♥︎

summary: Y/N lost their parents when they were 17, finding a new home and solace in Penelope Garcia and taking the Garcia name. They're the top forensic specialist in D.C, in a band and they drive a motorcycle... not to mention they are madly in love with the cute doctor who works with their sister.

warnings: fluff, mutual pining, getting together, love confessions, friends to lovers, idiots in love, PDA, secret relationships

word count: 5666

a/n: there will be a smutty part 2 eventually because I can't not do that

THE PLAYLIST THAT GOES WITH THEIR SETLIST IF YOU WANT TO LISTEN WHILE YOU READ

Read on Ao3 here!

Taking Garcia’s last name wasn’t something they had to think hard about, Penelope basically raised them; she was like a sister, a best friend and a mother, even a bit of a fairy godmother to Y/N.

They met when Y/N was 17, they were sitting at a support group for dead parents in D.C. Right beside the lovely, overly cheerful, always helpful, Penelope Garcia. At first, Y/N couldn’t stand her, wondering how a person like that could be running a group for mourning people, it made her sick.

It wasn’t until she heard Penelope’s story for the first time, knowing how similar it sounded to her own and how, actually, you can take your grief and turn it into something beautiful. After the meeting, they pulled Penelope aside and gave her a big hug and a thank you.

It was the start of a lovely friendship, one Y/N didn’t know they needed until they were smothered in all the love you could possibly imagine.

The age gap between them wasn’t too big, Penelope was 10 years older than them which meant she was always one step ahead of Y/N and full of advice. Be it fashion, boys, girls and everything in between. They bonded in a way that was unbreakable, they were each other's family.

Penelope even helped her get into med school before she eventually switched to forensic science. Taking on the FBI academy, unlike Penelope, and joining the bureau officially. Penelope was there for her every single step of the way, making her career possible. She loved her dearly and wanted Y/N to succeed more than anyone in the world.

Getting to introduce herself to people as Agent Y/N Garcia, not to be confused with technical analyst Garcia, was one of the best feelings in the world.

Not many people ever mistook them, however, for whatever Penelope was, Y/N was the exact opposite.

Y/N preferred all black everything, she didn’t enjoy partying or close contact or the in-your-face-ness of Penelope’s way of life, she loved her band and motorcycle and being alone. They were quote-unquote edgy, not just for effect, but because it was how they felt the most comfortable, it was who they were and they liked it that way.

They were possibly the best Forensic Specialist the FBI had, keeping her in DC for all the most important cases. Helping her avoid Penelope and the BAU team as much as possible. They were great people, she didn’t hate them at all, it was just a lot of energy that they didn’t have to give to 7 other people all day long.

Spencer was the only one she could tolerate. Rather, he was the one she wanted to spend the most time with, even more than Penelope. He understood Y/N in a way others didn’t.

He was also quiet, like them, he didn’t pick on them or call them mini Garcia, baby-baby girl, or infant as some of them started to call her more recently.

He called them Y/N, he talked to them about star trek whenever he was visiting Penny, and he respected their pronouns. Using both she and they interchangeably, when he spoke of them, unlike most people who only used she and her because it made more sense in their small brains.

However, she wasn’t the only one who got teased. Spencer did as well, almost more because he was around the BAU team constantly. She hated hearing them bully him, he didn’t even count it as bullying but it’s basically what it was sometimes.

They put him down, they didn’t clue him in on things, they called out his stims and didn’t let him finish his sentences, especially when it had to do with his hyper-fixations. He was the brightest light in the room and they just picked his brain till he wasn’t useful anymore, before trying to turn out the light. It made Y/N furious.

They got called Mr and misses genius when they were on a scene together, remembering the first time she ever had a case with the BAU which was also the first time she snapped at someone for being mean to Spencer.

Someone asked Spencer a serious question, to which he did his fucking job and answered. Giving as much detail as humanly possible, being the absolute genius he is and should be praised for, only to have Emily poke him in the cheek and say; “wow, he’s so life-like?”

“Well yeah, cause he’s a fucking human who deserves respect from the people who use his brain all day,” Y/N cursed under their breath from the crime scene, just loud enough for everyone to hear.

Leaving the sweetest man on earth to find them later and give them a hug. Thanking them for all that they do, and appreciating what he has to offer. That’s when she realized she liked him, more than just the guy who sometimes sleeps on her couch because he’s friends with her sister.

It was difficult being surrounded by men unlike Spencer, specifically the older men in her field who didn’t understand anything outside of money, guns, and violence. The worst part of the job being the politics in the background; the hierarchy and ass-kissing all because she worked in the nation's capital.

They were sure it was probably better in a smaller facility, a local police station where no one knew her and they could finally have some peace and quiet.

But she’d miss Penelope, and Spencer too for that matter.

At first, they’d hide in their room when Penelope brought him over for movie nights or when he crashed on the couch after bringing her home drunk from the bar. In the early days, she worried that he was going to be her new boyfriend, taking all of Penelope’s free time and leaving Y/N with nothing.

But then he started coming over all the time just to hang out, sitting on the couch with nothing to say, being the third wheel while Y/N and Penelope spent time together. For the last 7 years.

Over that time they had many conversations alone, she learned that he was really smart, he was a lot younger than most of the team because he blew through high school by the time he was 13, and he was genuinely the sweetest man in the whole entire world.

One time, Penelope was running late when Spencer showed up at the door with chips and candy, ready to watch his weekly movie with his friend. Only she wasn’t going to make it home in time, and Y/N didn’t want him to have to go back to his apartment all alone.

“You can come in and watch it with me if you wanted to?” She offered, smiling softly. “What was it you picked for tonight?”

“It was Penelope’s night to choose, so you can pick instead if you want?” Spencer offered right back, walking in like he owned the place.

He was more confident now than he was in the beginning, but that was probably because he was 23 and she was 18.

Back then he’d barely look at her and sometimes he’d shake when they made eye contact or when she got drunk and hugged him goodbye after a long night with Penelope. He was like that with Penny in the early days of their friendship too, apparently, so she didn’t feel too bad about it.

He warmed up eventually, making her wait 7 years for him to do something about the growing feelings they both shared.

“You like Marvel movies right?” She bit the inside of her lip as she waited for his answer. Watching him walk around the kitchen for a bowl that he could put his snacks in.

“Yeah they’re great, I haven’t watched past the second Thor, I think the next one is another Captain America?” he’s all smiles as he joins her on the couch, closer than normal, as close as he’d sit with Penelope, but then again she was a cuddler and Y/N wasn’t.

Sometimes Y/N would come out of her room to find Spencer’s head on Penelope’s lap, resting on a pillow as she ran her fingers through his hair to soothe his perfect mind after a long day. A few times she’s walked in on him crying or even sound asleep in her arms. They had a friendship Y/N admired, they were each other's person.

They comforted each other in the exact way they needed it; Penelope giving him the physical touch he craved and he would often compliment her. He was always telling her she was the best and buying her gifts to show his appreciation, calling her the most beautiful and smartest person he knew. He knew that she needed to hear it, needed the reassurance that she was still a good person and he made her believe it.

It made Y/N love him more seeing how much he cared for her sister.

“The winter soldier is the best!” She gushed, sitting close so they could share the chips as she waited for the movie to load up.

He was very quiet when he watched movies, smiling and laughing at the right parts but typically he paid so much attention it was like he was a statue. Y/N spent more time glancing at him than the actual movie.

“Is there something on my face?” Spencer asked, nervous when he noticed her glance at him for the 100th time that night.

“Oh, no you don’t,” she panicked lightly, swallowing quickly before looking away.

“What?”

“I don’t know, I just think you’re fascinating,” she whispered because then she didn’t really say it, and it didn’t really count.

“Oh,” he smiled softly, leaving it at that and forcing his attention back on the movie.

After a while, Spencer started to get even closer. He put the bowl on the coffee table and sat back almost on top of her, reaching an arm behind the couch so that Y/N was right against his side. He had done it with Penelope before, confident in this little living room, almost forgetting it was Y/N beside him.

Y/N rested her hand on his knee, rubbing her thumb over his jeans in a soft little circle as she pretended to watch the movie. More concerned with Spencer’s breathing and the feeling of his hand inching towards their shoulder than anything else.

Then they heard keys at the front door. Pulling away from each other quickly to curl up on opposite sides of the couch and pretend they weren’t just cuddling.

“Hey, you still came!” Penelope cheered, a little drunk from whatever she was doing before.

“I’d never miss a night with the Garcia’s,” Spencer smiled at her, looking calm and collected as ever while Y/N turned bright pink.

“Oh, I love Bucky! Oh my god let me go change and I’ll come watch too!”

That was just the first time they ended up cuddling, certainly not the last.

—

It wasn’t often that Penelope was too busy to spend time with Y/N, rather the contrary. Sometimes Y/N had to beg her to leave her be at certain events. Like when their band was playing at any of the local bars and Penny started inviting everyone she knew to come and watch her sister play.

It was embarrassing, to say the least, but Y/N loved her support.

When Y/N peaked her head out to see the crowd before a show, normally Penelope was sitting in the front with a drink and at least 4 friends, cheering and chanting their name, ready to rock out to their covers.

Tonight she didn’t see Penelope at all, she knew she wouldn’t, Penelope was in London visiting Emily with Derek for the second time in the past year, leaving no one to come to the monthly show Y/N’s band put on, or so she thought.

Spencer came all by himself.

He was sitting in the front, at a table with a bowl of pretzels and a ginger ale, not interested in the drinking or the socializing, just there to support Y/N. It made her feel giddy, like a schoolchild seeing their crush at recess.

It was so nice of him that it gave her butterflies, and normally that didn’t happen. They could go on and play a show in front of ten thousand people and feel nothing, but the second Spencer Reid was there to cheer them on, they were a mess.

“What song are we doing first again?” Y/N asked Evie, their lead singer and best friend outside of work.

“Who are they?”

Y/N was taken aback, “What?”

“You’ve never been nervous, who came to see you?” Evie clarified her question.

“No one, for fuck sake, I thought we left all the profilers at home tonight?” she sighed, shaking the nerves out of their body as they jumped up and down lightly.

They paced back and forth for a few minutes to wear down the nerves but only managing to make herself sweat to death and discard the leather jacket she always wore on stage. She walked in a circle aimlessly, remembering the setlist in their mind and how the spotlights typically made it so they couldn’t see the crowd anyway so it’s not like she could fuck up by making eye contact with him.

And it’s not like it was the first time he had seen her play, Spencer comes every month with Penelope, he liked a lot of the music they covered from when he was an emo teen in university. They’ve bonded over it before sharing albums and records back and forth, but she was still scared shitless at the prospect of him caring about her enough to come alone.

Especially when he hated being in situations like this in the first place.

It was their turn to go on, the manager of the bar gathering them and telling them to go on and so Y/N started walking towards the stage door, only to be pulled back harshly by Evie’s cold hands.

“Don’t forget your sticks, god who do you wanna fuck so bad it makes you this stupid?” She placed the drumsticks in Y/N’s hands, “get it together.”

“Sorry, it’s the guy in the sweater vest, front row,” they whispered in response, putting their head down and heading to the stage before she could tease them about it.

“The Forensic Lyricists are here once again folks!” The Manager introduced them to the crown, “get ready for them to dig up some classics!” Always the same dumb joke before every show.

Opening with crushcrushcrush by Paramore, thank god she remembered, it was an easy song to play as they warmed up and pushed the nerves away. They could play it in their sleep, with their eyes closed, and so that's what they did.

Eyes closed, mouthing the words as the adrenaline of the night took over the anxiety and made them go insane, like most nights. They didn’t need drinks or drugs to feel hyped at most shows, all she needed was a smile from penny and a good luck text from Spencer.

Playing by memory until she felt more confident and then getting into it. “They taped over your mouth, Scribbled out the truth with their lies, your little spies…”

“Crush, crush, crush, crush crush two, three, four!!” Y/N sung backup for each chorus, finally getting into it.

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again.”

They tried their hardest to push the images of that night on the couch with Spencer out of their mind as they sang along, trying to harmonize and cover the backup for Evie as best as she could.

“Let’s be more than this now!”

She always took the bridge, as the drummer and the most passionate one, it only made sense. Y/N always got the crowd on their feet, roaring along as they jumped to the beat.

“Rock and roll, baby, Don't you know that we're all alone now? I need something to sing about. Rock and roll, hey! Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now? I need something to sing about! Rock and roll, hey! Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now? Give me something to sing about!”

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again, let’s be more than, noOoo!”

She had a crush on Spencer fucking Reid and one now noticed as they tried their hardest to focus on the words when all that came to mind right now was his body heat and how good he smelled and how nice it was that he came to support them.

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again, Let’s be more than this, more than thiiiiiis, oooooooh, mmmmmmhmmm,” she sang the ending of the song along with Evie, their harmony sounding more perfect than any performance before.

Critics always said the performance is better when you mean the words you’re singing. With that, they accepted their crush on Doctor Spencer Reid after 7 long years of knowing him. They pushed through nerves so that they could go and see him after and do something about it, now that Penelope wasn’t home to tease her for it.

Leading right into Dear Maria, Count Me In. Their bass player, Kat taking the lead for her favourite song. Being an all ‘girl’ punk band was her idea, and now they all enjoyed taking turns singing their favourite songs in front of mostly strangers, once a month.

Every single song made her think of Spencer in some way as she remembered the rest of the set, it had 5 songs in total and each one included at least one reference to something she knew about Spencer.

It was hard to not think about him while he stood at the edge of the stage with everyone and bopped his head along to the beat, a smile growing on his face as he also noticed the little references to them in the songs.

The Rock Show by Blink182 was going to hit a little too close to home as she sang the words all but to him, making eye contact with him as he moved to the best spot to see them play, much like Penelope would do every time.

She didn’t realize how much this song actually represented her life before tonight, starting to sing her song alone while Spencer watched. Deciding on the spot to dedicate it to him in the most fucking obvious way possible, taking her chances because he must have come for a reason.

“Hanging out behind the club on the weekends. Acting stupid, getting drunk with my best friends, I couldn't wait for the summer and the Warped Tour, I remember that it's the first time that I saw him there!”

Spencer was smiling then, noticing the lyric change as they made eye contact, nodding along as he watched. Genuinely enjoying himself and the show, it was lovely to see. She couldn’t help but smile against the mic as she sang and played. Wondering how his face will change with the next verse she watched him from the corner of her eye.

Her bandmates turning to see her as they played their guitars, nodding in agreement at the lyric change, they knew what she was up to. It wasn’t the first time they used the stage to bring someone home with them.

“He's getting kicked out of school cause he's failing. I’m kinda nervous, cause I’m sure all his friends hate me! He’s the one, he'll always be there, I took his hand and I’ll make it I swear,

“Because I fell in love with the guy at the rock show! He said what? and I told him that I didn't know. He's so cool, gonna sneak in through his window. Everything's better when he's around. Can’t wait until my parent goes out of town, I fell in love with the guy at the rock show!”

Spencer’s smile was priceless, it made them even more confident to sing all the words, wanting him with zero shame, it’s not like anyone who knew him would know about this.

“When we said we were gonna move to Vegas I remember the look your mother gave us 17 without a purpose or direction We don't owe anyone a fuckin’ explanation”

“Because I fell in love with the guy at the rock show! He said what? and I told him that I didn't know. He's so cool, gonna sneak in through his window. Everything's better when he's around. Can’t wait until my parent goes out of town, I fell in love with the guy at the rock show!” Making the softest eye contact with him, they moved their whole body to play to him.

“Black and white picture of him on my wall, I waited for his call, he always kept me waiting, and if I ever got another chance I'd still ask him to dance, because he kept me waiting!”

“I fell in love with the guy at the rock show! He said what? and I told him that I didn't know. He's so cool, gonna sneak in through his window. Everything's better when he's around. Can’t wait until my parent goes out of town,”

“I fell in love with the guy at the rock show!” She had never been this passionate while playing this song in all the years they had played it together.

Her bandmates taking the lead singing, “with the guy at the rock show!”

“I’ll never forget you,” she sang in the middle of their chants, “I’ll never forget you, I’ll never forget you, I’ll never forget tonight, I’ll never forget tonight…”

She shot a wink at him before turning back in her seat to face the drum set the best way. The last two songs were Evie’s and Kat’s, she covered the backup vocals, making the occasional glance towards Spence as she thought of him.

Counting down the minutes till she could go see him.

Come a little closer by cage the elephant, an obvious title with lyrics that would clearly bring every memory of brushed hands against lower backs as they slipped past each other in crowded rooms, lingering as long as possible before they were gone again. Goodnight hugs when Penelope was already asleep and he could hold her a big longer and tighter, resting his head on her shoulder while she rubbed his back and breathed him in. And that night on the couch, not to mention all the mornings she walked in on him sleeping peacefully, brushing the hair out of his face, softly, in the hopes he didn’t wake up.

“Come a little closer, then you'll see, Come on, come on, come on, Things aren't always what they seem to be… Do you understand the things you been seein' Come on, come on, come on! Do you understand the things that you've been dreaming… Come a little closer, then you'll see! Come a little closer, then you'll see!”

And even when he did she had a coffee ready for him when he sat up and smiled, giving them a few hours alone before Penelope would wake up. Talking all morning about star trek and dr. Who, smacking his knee as he made jokes that genuinely made them laugh while trying to keep her voice down so they didn’t wake Penelope.

Not many people made her feel like that in her life.

“Come a little closer, then you'll see! Come a little closer, then you'll see!” Staring at him, enticing him to do it the next time they had the chance.

The intro to I’d Do Anything by simple plan was one of her favourites to play, smiling wide as she began to drum as her best friends sang the words.

Waiting for the chorus to sing the words at Spencer, really sending the message, he wasn’t dumb, not in the slightest, he would get it. He had to, she had already been so obvious there was no turning back now.

“This could be the one last chance to make you understand,”

Her arms were starting to hurt as she played along with the most energy she has had in years, playing like a teenager whose parents just died and she needed to hit something, once again. It was freeing, playing with what she could only imagine was love in her chest instead of anger. It’s how she was supposed to play.

"I’d do anything Just to hold you in my arms To try to make you laugh Cuz somehow I can’t put you in the past I’d do anything Just to fall asleep with you Will you remember me? Cuz I know I won’t forget you,"

Focusing on the drumming and ignoring the lyrics as her bandmates covered the lyrics, letting her go hog fucking wild on the drum set, almost kicking the chair out from under herself as they kept going. Joining for the chorus again before beating the shit out of her drum set.

I close my eyes And all I see is you I close my eyes I try to sleep I can't forget you Na na na And I'd do anything for you Na na na Naaaaaaa

“I’d do anything!” She closed her eyes as she pushes the words past her vocal cords, again and again, passionately playing the drums as her hair flew all over the place, worried she might break the sticks as she played.

“Cause I know I won't forget yoooou!” She plays the end of the song, snapping the left drumstick in half before throwing the right one into the crowd, right into Spencer’s hand, sending him a wink before saying goodbye to the crowd.

Sweaty as hell from playing the drums, they brushed their long black hair back behind their ears and in a low ponytail so it would fit under her motorcycle helmet on the way home. Putting their leather jacket back on and heading into the main bar to find Spencer.

“Hey,” he smiled as she walked towards him, the drumstick now resting in his pocket as he approached her.

“I can’t believe you came here all by yourself?” Y/N laughed slightly before pulling him into a thank-you hug.

“I wouldn’t miss it, I’ve been coming for a year now, it’s always a great time,” his smile was perfect, his teeth were so white and straight and she wondered how they’d feel against her neck.

“It’s been that long?” She pretended that she didn’t notice, biting their lip as he ran the calculations in his mind.

He nodded with a soft, pressed-lipped smile, the Spencer classic. “Yep, it’s been exactly 14 months straight now.”

“I know you don’t like bars and loud noises and people you don’t know, or germs which makes this like a nightmare of yours I guess because of the close proximity of people and the germs being spread as everyone screams in a crowd,” she ranted before he was pulling her into another hug, “so this means a lot to me,” she finished her thought beside his ear for only him to hear.

“Anytime,” he whispered as he held her, his arm on her back and chin resting on her shoulder.

“Did you need a ride home?” She offered, thinking about how nice it would be for him to wrap his arms around their body as he sat behind her on Patsy, her motorcycle.

“Yeah, unless you wanted to go to your place and watch another movie? I wouldn’t want to keep you waiting,” he spoke just loud enough to be heard over the music.

“Yeah, I’d love that, it’s been lonely while Penny’s gone,” a smile erupting on her face as she got the reference, “come on then.”

She took his hand in hers, interlocking their fingers and dragging him backstage towards her locker. She had a space to keep her things for practice and other shows she did during the week, keeping an extra helmet and jacket in the locker for nights like this, however, normally it was a cute stranger. Not the man she’s been crushing on since she was a teenager.

“Oh, you brought Patsy,” Spencer’s face went white.

“Did you not want to ride her? Come on, everyone wants to ride her at least once,” Y/N teased him as she put the helmet in his free hand.

Her bandmates staring at her with proud smiles as she took the guy from the rock show home; the one in the sweater vest from the front, the one who was the most into the whole show, they both gave Y/N a wave and a smile as they slipped out the backstage door.

They walked out to the parking lot, still hand in hand with their helmets in the other. Stopping at her dark purple Suzuki GS650 GT, it was her most prized possession because it used to belong to her parents.

She put her hair in the right spot before putting the helmet on, sitting down and starting the engine, revving it for everyone in the lot to see as Spencer put his helmet on and threw a leg over the seat, nervous as ever.

He fit behind her perfectly, just enough room on the seat for his chest to press against her back as he placed his hands gingerly on her hips. It made her laugh.

“You’re going to want to hold on better than that pretty boy,” she teased him before revving the engine once more, kicking the kickstand up and speeding out of the parking lot.

Spencer gripped her tightly as she took off down the street, taking the longest route possible to her home. She didn’t hit a single red light for at least 5 blocks, zooming through traffic as Spencer squeezed the life out of her.

He felt amazing, his hands were so big as he fully wrapped around her, reaching around completely so his right hand was on her left hip and vice versa. He was so close she could feel his heartbeat against her back.

He was nervous, he flinched every time she turned and held on even tighter somehow.

So she did another lap of the block, around the park’s bend so she could lean the bike as far as possible as Spencer’s fingers dug into her hips fiercely. Breathing deep enough that she could hear him over the engine, but he wanted her to keep going. Not ready to let go of her yet, this is the closest they had ever been to each other.

When she finally pulled into the parking lot of their apartment complex, they bumped over the curb and his hand grazed Y/N’s boob, he pulled back so fast it was barely there, she just shook her head and laughed. Parking the bike and putting the kickstand back down.

Spencer let out a sigh, relaxing against her as he rested his chin on her shoulder again.

“Have fun?”

“Surprisingly, yes,” he laughed, his voice deep and dry from breathing with his mouth open, it was cute.

He got off first when his legs were finally able to work again, still vibrating from the rev of the engine he walked like Ariel when she got her legs. It was priceless, no one has reacted like that after getting a ride from them, not even Penelope.

She took her helmet off while still on the bike, shaking her hair out of the ponytail as provocatively as possible before getting off. Spencer’s jaw fell open once more as he watched, breathlessly, just as she expected.

Either he liked them before and never told them, or he was going to start now.

Either way, it excited Y/N to their core, taking his hand once more and leading him inside, this time they could be as close as they wanted to and no one was going to walk in on it. She stopped at her locked apartment door, looking at Spencer as softly as possible so he’d know her feelings were real.

“I know this will cause the teasing we already get to skyrocket, so if you wanted to keep it between us, I fully understand,” she whispered.

“Is that what you want?”

He was so sweet it made her heartache, never before had anyone made her feel like this; like she wasn’t in control of her body or mind, like an override in the system her brain and heart chose Spencer and there was no stopping them.

“I just told a whole bar of people that I’m in love with the guy at the rock show before taking you home in front of everyone,” she laughed, “I don’t care if people know, I just hate when they tease us, they belittle everything we do like we’re 17 forever, it’s not fun for me.”

“I hate it too,” he pressed his lips together awkwardly once more, “I’d like to keep you to myself for a while.”

She cupped his face in her hands and pulled in, pressing her lips against his as they both tried to repress their tightlipped smiles. Finally, finally kissing after all those years staring at each other's lips while they explained something, passionately as ever with the most attentive ears.

“Exactly, me too,” she smiled wider as she pulled back from him, unlocking the front door and pulling him inside for that movie he mentioned.

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187 (dm me if you want me to remove you)

[inactive-luv]

The Absence of Rain

The Absence of Rain

"the absence of rain is when good things are most present."

the absence of rain

Summary: Y/N Y/L/N meets a stranger in the rain

Pairing: (Spencer Reid x Autistic!Fem!Reader)

Details: I hope I did my best to convey proper Autistic traits; my ASD is not the same as the readers' character, the same way no one's ASD or Autism is the same.

Category: fluff

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: Autism

A/N: I decided to make the reader Autistic. This was originally just a short story I made in English lit class my senior year, but upon rereading it, I decided to use the same prompt to write this fic

...

It's two in the morning. The Virginian rain drizzles as it has for the past two days without stop. She loved the rain, even if it was a sign of sadness or sorrow. She misunderstood it when people said the absence of rain was when good things happened. Until tonight when the theory was proven very, very true.

...

She walked from her job down to the bus stop at two in the morning when it started to rain harder than the usual drizzle from earlier in the evening. She spent time analyzing the splashing of droplets, echoing in her head after a long day. Her head raised to watch the water slap against the glass roof above her.

She stayed like that for a while, soothed after a stressful day by the calming aspects of the rain. She was watching and waiting, sitting in her bus stop seat. Her hands folded in each other to scratch lightly at her fingers, bundles of nerves across her skin aching to be touched.

She wants to stay here forever and quietly wishes for a late bus before her peace is interrupted when she sees a dark figure move across the station bridge. Her face turns puzzled, trying to analyze the new person in her space.

He looks tall from a distance. That's the first thing she notices about his body before she investigates further. She thinks about his satchel bag and his converse shoes, how he holds his umbrella in his right hand, and a book in his left. She can't make out the cover, but it must be pretty slim from how fast he blows through it.

She thinks about what would happen if he would walk over to her. She's seen him only a few seconds, yet she feels drawn or compelled to wonder further. He steps to his side, adjusting his stance, and his face falls under the light of the bus station for a second.

His jawline, eyes, lips, and everything about him leaps out immediately, catching even more of her attention. He must have felt her gaze over him, like an ocean wave crashing over a beach. A certain persistence to discover makes her eyes stay glued to the dark figure.

He swallows his lips before turning to see if she was maybe looking at someone else. He expected it. He expected not to be expected of. So when her eyes stayed fixated on him, he was a little curious. And during this time, all she can think about is if he came closer. Suppose he could turn to her so she could find the thing. The thing about him that made him so compelling.

And he does it. He starts to walk over with his book in one hand and the other in his pocket. The sounds she once found comfort in faded as he walked up to her, and everything turned to silence. The soft patter of the rain, once saturated and abstract ringing through her head, turned pale and hushed.

He watches how her eyes still stay attached to him, almost obsessively. A silence fills the space between the two before he breaks it so haphazardly, she can't help but shudder a little.

"Excuse me?" So she turns her head and is met looking up to the dark figure. He's much taller now that he's closer to her, and his hair is long. Long hair so obviously stretched under the rain, with soft curls ever so innocently framing his face.

He doesn't know what to say after that. He couldn't make out exactly who she was or who he was even expecting but, she was beautiful. He finally took notice of the more calming features about her rather than the creepy stare. He saw how her skin glowed, and her lips parted slightly as if in deep thought.

During this time, he notices the silence forming again, and he breaks it once more before he can hear her voice. "Uhm, can I sit?" He murmurs as an excuse he perhaps too eagerly came up with, taking notice of her puzzled expression. "Yeah, here, let me move my bag." Her voice dribbles out of her mouth, laced with an extensive kindness that intrigued him incredibly.

He mumbles a small 'thank you' back while he undoes his umbrella and takes a seat next to her. His head is facing the street now, but he still feels her eyes on him. It takes him a minute to swallow the lump in his throat before he turns to her again, craning his neck to meet her eye-line looking up at him.

His eyes meeting hers makes her pause for a moment before hastily averting her attention from him to anything in her way. The grass peeking through the concrete or the way the rain filled the puddles on the sidewalk.

And just like that, the silence, as well as it faded out, fades back in. The soft sounds of rain climb back through her ears to fill her brain again. Easily and slowly, she listens to the buckling of the stranger's bag, as if he was trying to make an as little sound as possible not to annoy her. But the sound doesn't upset her. It calms her.

It intertwines with the rain in a calming way. Everything blends smoother than she expected. She expected sounds to scare her as much as they usually do meeting a stranger, but the sound of his skin against the leather, and the pitter-patter of the rain, calm her.

So she's at peace when he breaks the silence once more. Although now, his words don't break the silence as much as they seep into the silent sounds, merging to form a tranquil melody. She realizes she could get used to his voice.

"Where are you coming from at," He looks down at his watch, over his sleeve for convenience, a trick she notices because she does the same thing, "two in the morning?" His tone acts as if he made most of his living in the night; the calmness, even in such an abundant presence of darkness, leads her to believe he'd done this a million times.

"I lost track of time in the library." He smiles again, "I thought only I did that." She smiles back at him and feels her cheeks start to swell and pink. He listens to her words; there weren't any libraries open this late at night he of all people should have known that.

He contemplates asking; further, he really wants to. He wants to listen to her voice again and again over and over because, unlike anyone else's, he thinks he'll never get tired of it. But he doesn't pester; he waits, hoping she'd further the conversation herself.

Little does he know she's thinking the same thing. She was thinking about every question he's asked and every question she wants to ask him. But he was a stranger even if she hoped he wasn't for much longer.

It takes a lot of strength for her to continue the conversation but noticing his peaked interest, her tone of voice heightens, "I was working at the university, that's why I was out so late." His questions are answered and followed by more, "Really? What do you do?" he wanted to know everything about the mysterious girl at the bus stop, and she was willing to answer every one of his asks.

"I help my friend who's a professor there, but I'm a medical examiner." His eyes light up, "Really? That's cool." He tries to keep his voice calm, but it trickles out so quickly, and this time she can catch his investment, and it gets easier to talk to him as if she'd known him a hundred years.

"I look at dead bodies all day. You think that's cool?"

"Well, to be fair, so do I,"

"Oh! Are you a serial killer?" Her best shot at sarcasm was successful, he laughed.

Like a modern orchestra erupting into its triumphant climax, the rain, the air, his laugh soothes her ears until she's blessing the world for her ability to hear. It's a kind of sound that reverberates in her mind and stores itself to her happiest emotion.

A type of sound she wants to hear for the rest of her life, but sadly, all of this excitement at once becomes too much too quickly, and her smile slightly fades while his head is turned.

She didn't have too much trouble with sound, so her anxiety heightened slightly when she became overwhelmed. A type of overwhelmed he could sense before he tried to lighten her mood. "No, I just catch them," He turns to reach into his bag, swiftly pulling his federal badge out and showing it to her.

She reads his badge quietly, "Doctor Spencer Reid." That's the first time she learns his name. A doctor working with the FBI. She reciprocates his actions and reaches into her pocket to pull out a card. On it, her name and medical license. "Doctor Y/N Y/L/N." A doctor working in a hospital.

"I'm in medicine. What about you?" Spencer clears his throat and holds up three fingers in one hand, clutching the card tightly in his other. "Chemistry, mathematics, and engineering." Her eyes widen, and her mouth forms a small 'o'; he just twists his face as if he was used to that answer.

And then, abnormally sudden, the rain started to let up, proving good things do happen in the absence of rain.

...

[imasimpforshanks]

Hi there!

I hope you're doing great. Ehm... May I requests Law for either the romantic or the Angst alphabet? I just can't decide that and would like you to choose from it.

I'm really looking forward to your work. Other than that have a nice day/eve. ♡

Fluff Alphabet - Trafalgar Law

a/n: hi there!!! thank you for requesting and for your kind words 💓 I chose the fluff alphabet because our man has suffered enough and I couldn’t handle writing out angst for him 🙃 ANWAYSSSS pls enjoy x

A-Activities (what do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?)

During the little free time he has, Law loves to spend it with you doing anything lowkey. He’s usually pretty exhausted from everything going on, so taking some time to wind down and read a good book with you tucked him next to him reading you’re a book of your own is his ideal way to spend time with you.

That being said, if you are a person who prefers to do something active, Law won’t say no to that (so long as it’s not Luffy level active).

B-Beauty (what do they admire about their s/o? what do they think is beautiful about them?)

Law admires your way of thinking. You always seem to bring a fresh, unique perspective and now he can’t help but ask for your input on everything. This is also what he finds the most beautiful about you. He’s never been one to care that much about what is on the outside. To Law, it’s what is on the inside that counts (who knew law was so cliché;)). Your mind and the way it works is a wonder to behold and Law counts himself very lucky that he is the one that gets to see you in action the most.

C-Comfort (how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?)

Law takes a very pragmatic approach when it comes to comforting his s/o. He’s a doctor, so its only natural for him to think in this way. He asks you directly what’s wrong and how he could help – it’s the most logical thing to do and the quickest way to ensure you are feeling comforted.

D-Dreams (how do they picture the future with their s/o?)

In the future Law wants to live a simple, quiet life with you. Somewhere secluded and far away from all the noise and chaos of the world. You’ll live in a nice house (nothing too fancy), with a child or two running around acting out their parents’ infamous pirate adventures.

E-Equal (are they the dominant one in the relationship or rather passive?)

He tends to take the more dominant role in the relationship. For the sake of your safety and his sanity, he prefers to be the one to take charge with you following his lead. But, he does still value your input in almost all decisions.

F-Fight (would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?)

Your fights tend to be pretty short lived resulting in forgiveness and apologies from both sides relatively quickly. He really doesn’t like to stay mad at you for too long – he’d much rather have you two on the same page.

Most fights are caused by stress and concerns of health and safety, so Law does a lot of eye rolling and using his title as a ‘doctor’ as justification that he knows what he’s doing so you just need to chill – but like I said these fights are very short lived.

G-Gratitude (how grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?)

Before he met you, Law’s life was very dull. Yes, he has his fair share of adventures and fun with his crew, but there was something missing from his life. But then you came along, bringing a little more colour into his life. Instead of being exhausted and tense from dealing with everything alone, you forced your way in and pried him open, allowing him to share his burdens. For that, Law is eternally grateful.

H-Honesty (do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?)

Initially, Law tried to hide quite a lot. He was very selective about the information he shared with you. It’s not that he didn’t trust you, he just struggled to share things with others – his past has made him very closed off. But, before he knew it you managed to weasel your way in, and soon he found himself confiding in you about everything. The only time he ever keeps a secret is if knowing it will jeopardize your safety.

I-Inspiration (did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?)

I touched on this a little bit before, but you were able to teach Law the relief and comfort that comes with trusting and relying on others. Because of you, he was able to learn that its important to not deal with everything on your own.

J-Jealousy (do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?).

It’s not often that Law gets jealous. It’s an ugly emotion, plus he feels no need to be jealous since he trust you with his whole heart. However, if he was to get jealous, he is definitely the quiet jealous type. His fists clench a little tighter, his frown deepens ever so slightly, and he just doesn’t speak. He doesn’t ignore you though, rather he chooses to curt replies until he eventually gets over it or if it’s really bothering him he may bring it up with you.

K-Kisses (are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?).

He is a very inexperienced kisser, not having (or wanting) many romantic relationships in his past. Even so, he’s surprisingly not horrible (but not great either) at kissing. Maybe it has something to do with his deep knowledge and understanding of the way the human body works. Unfortunately, during your first kiss he tried to rely a little too much on his ‘knowledge’ rather than melting in to it. It wasn’t a horrible first kiss, it just felt a little stiff. The desire was there, but it was as if he were afraid to give in to the emotions he was feeling and reading your signals. However, after a little communication and guidance he’s now an expert.

L-Love confession (how would they confess to their s/o?)

It was in the heat of the moment after you had done something completely and utterly stupid, that almost cost you your life. He wasn’t intending on doing it right then and there, in fact he actually had a whole plan of how and when he was going to tell you how he felt. But seeing you lying in the infirmary after having to operate on you was more than he could handle and before he knew it the words just slipped out.

M-Marriage (do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?)

Marriage is indeed something Law wants. You wouldn’t expect it but after you two officially got together, it wasn’t more than a month before Law started thinking about marriage. He knows now isn’t the time for marriage, but it’s definitely in his plans for the next few years or so.

His proposal is going to be low key. The two of you would have to be alone with no other people around – maybe while you two are lying in bed one night, he just pops the question. And as with the proposal, your wedding would also be low key. No big party or ceremony, just you two and the people closest to you (bepo definitely officiates).

N-Nicknames (what do they call their s/o?)

‘Babe’ or your name are his usual choices for when you are around other people. But occasionally when he’s on the verge of falling asleep he’ll let out a yawn followed by a sleepy “babyyyy”.

O-On cloud nine (what are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?)

When Law is in love he tends to keep his cool and collected façade. But on the inside he’s a babbling, nervous mess. He doesn’t do anything particularly out of the ordinary other than making a bit more of an attempt at conversing with you. He loves hearing you talk and rambling on about things you’re passionate about so he does try to find any excuse to talk to you.

P-PDA (are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?)

PDA is something Law isn’t the biggest fan of. He’ll stand next to you and be in close proximity while sharing a few glances, but other than that he won’t engage in PDA. Law considers that sort of thing to be private and intimate so he likes to keep it between the two of you. Occasionally, if you are feeling a little extra needy he may give in to a quick hug or forehead kiss.

Q-Quirk (some random ability they have that is beneficial in a relationship?)

It may not come as that much of a surprise but, Law can make one hell of a cup of coffee (actually any hot drink really). His perfect brew definitely comes in handy.

R-Romance (how romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?)

Oh boy, he is way more romantic than anyone would ever realize. He loves doing little things for you just to see that sweet smile on your face. It makes his heart swell with happiness.

S-Support (are they helping their s/o achieve their goals do they believe in them?)

Rather than being the consistently positive support, Law provides you with constructive criticism and things that can actively help you achieve your goals. He’s a realist, so doesn’t think only saying “you can do it” or “it’s only a minor setback” is the way to go. He still says those things because they are true – Law honestly believes you can do whatever you set your mind to, however, constructive criticism is needed in addition to this.

The key take away here is: YES. Law believes you can achieve all your hopes and dreams.

T-Thrill (do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship or do they prefer certain routine?)

Law needs routine, especially in your relationship. You have continued doing the same things in your relationship since you first got together because it works. Why would he want to change what works? It’s safe, it’s familiar, and it’s comfortable.

That being said, he’s not opposed to the idea of spicing things up. If you ever felt like trying something new (or even if he starts to feel bored about something), he would be open to the idea. Who knows, maybe the new thing you try could even become a part of your routine.

U-Understanding (how good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?)

It’s no surprise that he is very adept at reading people, he’s on to it and has exceptional observation skills. He uses these skills with you as well.

He knows what it’s like to be consumed by emotions (in fact he knows that too well), and while with most, he’s the type to keep his emotions hidden, when it comes to you he shares his emotions to help you realize that he also knows how it feels and that you are not alone.

V-Value (how important is the relationship to them? What is its worth in comparison to other things in their life?).

Your relationship is a top priority in his life. He’s lost everyone he ever cares about (other than his crew) and there is no way he is going to lose you too. The only thing that may potentially rival your relationship is his goal of taking revenge on Doflamingo.

W-Wild card (a random fluff headcanon?)

There’s nothing he loves more than you running your hands through his hair while his head is on your chest or stomach. He automatically leans into your hand every time. He feels the safest in this position.

X-XOXO (Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?)

Like I said before, he is affectionate but it’s mainly when the two of you are alone. Those displays of affection are for the two of you and no one else. But, when the two of you are alone he absolutely loves cuddles (especially lying with his head on your lap or chest).

Y- Yearning (how will they cope when they are missing their partner?)

He gets stressed when you’re not around for more than one reason. Firstly, you can’t help to calm him down and force him to take a breather. Secondly, he’s constantly worried about your safety and wellbeing.

Honestly, the only way he copes with it is by stressing (I know it’s not coping at all but I mean that’s Law for you LMAO).

Z-Zeal (are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?)

Law would put his life on the line for your relationship. He doesn’t want to lose someone he cares about – not again. He can’t handle that sort of pain, so if it was required of him, he would gladly give his life.

[endingsfated]

she isn't sure how long she waits ( minutes? maybe even hours, given the way the sun has started to angle itself ) and yet he doesn't move. it's only the steady rise and fall of his chest that keeps her from believing that he's dead ( though part of her can't help but wonder if her efforts will be in vain - he doesn't exactly look like he's in tip-top shape ). so rather than continue to sit and simply stare at him, aiyla takes to shuffling around the backrooms - taking stock of what's available and setting aside items into a small pile to add to what she's already stuffed into her pack.

even as she works, aiyla is certain to keep the man within her sight, and while she's been expecting ( or at least hoping ) that he'll wake at some point, the sudden movement out of the corner of her mind has her stilling. head cocked slightly, she observes him silently for several beats ( lips threatening to quirk at his precaution toward the pills and not the water - it's smart but also remarkably stupid ; the water could just as easily be tampered with, but she's learned what true thirst is in recent months beneath the sweltering sun so part of her can't really blame him ).

it's the second time he's said the same name, and aiyla wonders who lori might have been to him. someone important, clearly. at the statement about killing him, she can't help but snort, moving back into the room but giving him wide birth. digging through her backpack once more, she draws out a second bottle ( scavenged from the store and all she has left until she makes it back to camp ).

after a moment of hesitation, she holds out the bottle in offering. "if i had any intention of killing you, i would have robbed you blind and left you out front for the undead to get to. lord knows you were loud enough when you fell over." she remarks. that was the way of the world now, wasn't it? every man or woman for themselves ( unless you found a group - found family, or what could pass as one these days, maybe ).

at the mention of being bit, her expression softens ( no one claims such a thing unless they're aching for an easy out ). "that isn't a bite. checked you over once we got back here. nasty looking thing, but not a bite." wiggling the water once more, blue eyes flicker to the pills he ignored. "antibiotic and a pain killer. i'd try and eat a bit before taking them, otherwise they'll just come back up with the water." nodding toward the little pile she'd set aside near the door, she continues, "i found peroxide and some bandages too while i was looking. i'm not a doctor so can't tell you if that's the correct way to go about all this but..." a shoulder rises into a shrug. "best i've got. flush it out, wrap it up and you'll be better off." at least she hoped. "you alone?" // @decayseason

He opens his eyes, slowly.

Déjà vu?

Every time it feels like the end, something yanks Shane back to reality. It's this sort of cursed luck that has always made him the right hand to Rick, the less-than, the one without the wife and child. God, he wishes it could all be over. And yet, the world seems destined to make him suffer.

His vision is still blurry, but he doesn't feel as hot. Could be thanks to the sun no longer frying him from high in the sky. The room he's in is dim; only a few specks of plum and peach light from the outside are coming in. That tells him it's still the same day, just closer to evening now. As his senses return to him, he sees that he's in one of the backrooms of what's probably the pharmacy he stumbled into earlier. Pill bottles and other first-aid items are scantily lined up on shelves at the other side of the room. He looks down and sees checkered, scratched-up linoleum.

It takes all of his strength to sit up, bracing his palms against the floor. Near his right hand he sees an almost empty bottle of water and a bottle of pills. Not knowing what's in the pills, he avoids them and goes straight for the water, chugging. Splashing the rest onto his face. Shane doesn't give a damn about conservation right now.

He hears some sort of shuffle and then sees someone—sees her. "Lori?" he asks again, but he must be seeing things. Shane hasn't kept count, but he hasn't seen Lori and the rest of the group in... weeks. Has been heading one direction all this time, far away from them. It can't be her. A second later, he realizes it's all an illusion and tries to get up, tries to reach for his knife, tries to do anything. Instead, though, he yelps out in pain and slumps back down onto the linoleum. His leg's only getting worse.

"If you're gonna kill me, just fuckin' do it already," he manages, knuckles-down on the linoleum and on his knees. Shane almost thinks about groveling. He sits down on his ass instead and pulls up his pant leg. The wound looks grisly.

"I was bit." Yeah, that'll help his case. He's had enough. Never been the suicidal type, but he's had enough. He hopes the woman doesn't know any better and will just kill him now that she's heard that. || @endingsfated