#I spoiled myself in twitter silly me

[lexirosewrites]

it’s my two year Steddie-versary today?!!!

(which means I’m gonna ramble emotionally for a little bit)💛

I’m not really sure how to fully describe the last two years of my life and my involvement in the steddie fandom, but I’ll try!

I remember watching season four of ST and really liking Eddie, thinking he was so cool. I’d always liked Steve, but putting them together was a whole different story. And then I recall seeing fanart, finding a couple fics here and there.

I wasn’t aware how deep I’d gotten until I was drafting a fic of my own, eager to join the fun any way that I could. It had been years since I’d written anything of my own, but I was lonely and bored enough to try.

I drafted my first fic “All Through The Night” for a month.

I wrote it. Rewrote it. Edited it. Doubted whether it should stay in the drafts. Finally, I just hit post.

From there, it kept going. I’d write a few non-omegaverse fics based on TikTok prompts. Then, I’d end up delving into the omegaverse trope in a way I never had before.

I started to remember how much I enjoyed writing and I found a community that was kind to me. I made friends in the AO3 comments of all places!

It was a few months before I joined ST twitter in December of 2022, but I was encouraged to hang out and make more friends.

(I don’t need to rehash the bad parts of my experience because I think we’re all pretty aware of what happened. But I don’t want those things to define me or spoil all the good that’s come from this fandom either. Bullies don’t get to take this from me.

I wasn’t super active on Tumblr prior to my Twitter leave because I didn’t really understand the app😅 we figured it out eventually and I am so grateful to have been welcomed here when I was feeling so low.)

I figured out a lot about myself in this fandom! I identified as a cis, bi-questioning woman when I started writing!! That’s insane to me now!

But I found a place to explore and meet other queer people and ask questions that I would’ve never asked!

I was leading worship at a mega church when I posted my first fic. I was freshly separated from my ex-husband and still hurting immensely. I was working through a pandemic as a nurse and hating my life. I didn’t have much that brought me joy anymore.

This silly gay ship probably saved my life…

And I know I’ve been semi-MIA as far as posting to AO3 the last several months, but I have no intentions of leaving this fandom anytime soon. I will not abandon my fics or disappear. I just need a little bit of a break because I burnt myself out on writing for a year and a half!

God this post went way too long. Oops.

Okay! In summary! Today is my two year Steddie-versary and I love you all!!! I’m grateful for the friends I’ve made and the support I’ve had to share my stories.

(also tbh I cannot believe I tricked this many of you into reading mpreg)

[the-peak-tmnt]

Hey there! 👋 I just finished reading the latest chapter of Reciprocity and (hope I'm not bothering you) but I wanted to say all of this while it was still fresh in my mind!

Firstly: I love love LOVE how you lightly touched on Splinter and Raph's relationship pre-losing Leo before things got tense between them. It was just SUCH a nice breath of fresh air from how things currently are with them 😭 (hope they'll have that father & son relationship again someday).

Secondly: Love how you're giving us a glimpse into Leo's anxiety. As someone with crippling anxiety myself, I HEAVILY RELATE TO OUR BOY. And did he almost tell Raph about his spiritual connection!? (I forgot exactly what you called/described it as in your fic, but I noticed it!!)

Thirdly: Your overall world building and real-life references are always such a delight to read. You really make the story and characters FEEL believable, like the film was aiming to do! So reading about them receiving fan-mail and art from kids is SO SWEET.

I know this is already long (sorry); but there's one thing I'd like to ask. The part with the little girl wearing the armbrace and bandanna in Raph's colours WARMED MY HEART. So, this may be a silly question to ask, but will that girl ever make an appearance again?

I understand the point was so that Raph realized the importance of them being "heroes" and inspiring people. I just can't help but imagine a scenario where he randomly runs into her again after everything that's happened. (Not saying you have to put this in your story - pls don't do that omw this YOUR baby!!). It's just something I've been thinking about for HOURS - it really stuck with me.

Again, sorry this was quite long! 🙈 Keep up the great work, take your time, and stay amazing! ✨️

Ahhhhh you are SPOILING ME today! First the fan art on Twitter, now this wonderful comment 😭 And it's never a bother to hear from someone!!!

Firstly: I love love LOVE how you lightly touched on Splinter and Raph's relationship pre-losing Leo before things got tense between them.

Glad you liked that! I really wanted to give everyone a glimpse of "the good old days" (if only to make the current state of things even more painful lol)

Secondly: Love how you're giving us a glimpse into Leo's anxiety. As someone with crippling anxiety myself, I HEAVILY RELATE TO OUR BOY.

On the one hand, I am really sorry to hear that. But on the other, I'm glad that more than a few people have said the way the boys are written feels authentic and relatable. The things the boys are struggling with are delicate subjects, and I'm trying my best handle them appropriately and do them justice.

And did he almost tell Raph about his spiritual connection!? (I forgot exactly what you called/described it as in your fic, but I noticed it!!)

Leo was trying to tell Raph about it! At that point, everyone thinks Leo is just a really sensitive and empathetic guy. I don't want to give too much away, but at that point, Leo was beginning to realize that what he was feeling was something more than that. It's freaking him out though, and Raph was the only person he felt comfortable enough telling back then 😭

I haven't actually given it a "name" per se, because Raph still isn't really aware of it when he's awake. I've been using a few different words interchangeably like connection, bond, link, etc. As things progress and we learn more, my plan is to have one of the characters give it an "official" name.

Thirdly: Your overall world building and real-life references are always such a delight to read. You really make the story and characters FEEL believable, like the film was aiming to do! So reading about them receiving fan-mail and art from kids is SO SWEET.

THANK YOU! I just really really love world building, and I especially love the world building of Mutant Mayhem. It feels real and believable. Its just really fun to sit here and think about how this would play out in the real world (even the boring and logistical parts like having to go to the post office or how they're able to pay for things lol).

I know this is already long (sorry); but there's one thing I'd like to ask. The part with the little girl wearing the armbrace and bandanna in Raph's colours WARMED MY HEART. So, this may be a silly question to ask, but will that girl ever make an appearance again?

akjshfgaksdfhdsaf I can't tell you but...!!!! Sort of! Kind of! Not her specifically, but there will be another Raph and "little kid looking up to him as a hero" moment that's very important and a huge turning point in the whole story and it is taking EVERYTHING I have not to give too much away!!!!!!! WHY CAN'T I WRITE FASTER?!?!

Thanks again so much, I love comments and asks!

[demonofnowhere]

Time’s Time: Time for Thomas (don’t interrupt him) & Time for Stelle (interrupt me ASAP)

* now, i once had a lovely introduction to this post.  i did, honest.  it discussed how twitter has gotten worse and worse, and how if things went well i will do my best to post more thomas stuff here, and even briefly mentioned what this post is actually about. . .

* then firefox crashed. * being new to tumblr, i had not saved a draft of my post.  in fact, i found out you could save drafts mere minutes before firefox crashed.  i thought to myself “wow! what a nifty feature!”, and then proceeded to not save it.  this almost happened twice actually.  i managed to save it the second time thankfully.  i’m still livid though.

* thank you stelle, you are a really useless idiot.

* therefore, we’re not going to have that nice introduction.  the only things you need to know from that post is that you can find me on Twitter (@DemonOfNowhere) for more of my usual infodumping, and that i’ve ditched my usual typing quirks in favour of making this post readable for you all.  let’s get straight to the point instead. * greetings, i’m stelle, demon of nowhere (name change pending?), and it is unfortunately time for thomas.

Doesn’t it feel strange to see me type normally? With dignity? With even the slightest amount of respect for myself? Err, ahem, I mean... Thomas! I love Thomas. I love the ending of “Stepney’s Special” for Thomas.

Thomas tries very hard to maintain a very professional profile on his branch line. It’s likely something he picked up from Gordon, if his attempts to imitate him whilst he was younger are anything to go by (note “Thomas’ Train”). If you get in Thomas’s way, he kicks up such a fuss and holds it against you until either one of your gets a taste of Sudrian karma (”you” being Percy in this situation, usually). This all means that when Thomas is shunted to allow Stepney, a newcomer, fly past him with one measely coach while Thomas, Annie, Clarabel and their passengers crossly wait for him to pass, Thomas gets cross.

Really cross. Super cross. He holds it against Stepney and is still fuming by the time the next morning arrives.

Thomas spoils the effect of it very quickly though. Of course he does, he’s Thomas and he’s stupid. All Stepney had to do was give one compliment and next thing he knew, Thomas was telling him EVERYTHING about his branch like an eight-year-old telling their parent all about their cool new toy they got (don’t let Mattel hear about this). Stepney calls Thomas an expert once, and away Thomas goes, not only to stroke his own ego a little, but also just because he’s too happy to ramble about his prized branch line (which Percy and Toby clearly think is hilarious, based on the illustration...). He’s a bit like me in that sense; we like to ramble about things no one cares about, but we can’t stop ourselves. Please help me.

One of my favourite parts of this exchange is the following line: “Ah well,” said Thomas modestly.

“Modestly” is the funniest words ever used to describe Thomas the Tank Engine. You and I of course both know that, despite his good heart, he is anything but modest.

Now, there’s something else I’d like to talk about here too. If you’ve read my ramblings before, you know that I cannot type for five seconds without bringing up something else that I didn’t mean to bring up but brought up anyway. I’m silly like that.

If Thomas got mad at Stepney for interrupting his branch line’s timetable once...

...How would he feel about having a whole train that has to do everything in its power to NOT interrupt the usual services?

In notes of Ffarquhar’s layout, the land cruise enthusaist train is noted to be scheduled in-between regular services, and mustn’t disrupt traffic. This is implied to be more difficult than it ought to be, partially because rail enthusiasts are rail enthusiasts and getting them back into the coaches is a miserable experience for the station’s secretary, and partially due to shunting arrangements at Ffarquhar that are absolutely mind-boggling (a document I wrote up of Ffarquhar’s timetable, according to the Awdry DVD, can be found here!).

The moment the Bloomer, or whoever the enthusiasts’ engine happens to be, arrives, he has to square his fancy saloon coaches away to make room for Thomas, Annie and Clarabel’s next down service. So, imagine for me, what happens when Bloomer indulges the enthusiasts’ interest in him at the platform for a little too long, only for Thomas with his grumpy little face to huff into the station yard and start angrily shouting at Bloomer to Get Out Of His Way Or Else The Fat Controller Will Find Out And You Will Regret That.

Now, we of course know little of Bloomer, but I’ve always thought of him not quite as an old grandpa, but rather a showman who takes a lot of pride in his theatrics on a railway filled mainly of engines still in regular service. Bloomer doesn’t get to appear publicly very often, but when he does, he’s going to make it worthwhile. He’s going to bask in the spotlight for as long as he can, impressing everyone who is lucky enough to draw eyes on him, and he’s certainly no pushover. If Bloomer wants to spend time talking to the enthusiasts about his past life (though he has to keep SOME secrets, of course. Part of the act, a bit of mystery is always fun), then he’s going to spend as much time as he can doing just that -- which he always does.

This drives Thomas insane. A WHOLE TRAIN THAT COULD THROW ALL OF HIS TIMETABLE, ALL THAT HE’S WORKED FOR, OUT THE WINDOW SO EASILY? WHAT. The poor guy. He and Bloomer would be the ultimate enemies, egomanaics for different reasons that will forever butt heads while the other Ffarquhar engines would wish they’d just shut up for two seconds.

He cheerfully and dutifully shunts Annie and Clarabel along from the carriage shed... then he sees Bloomer’s ugly mug taking up the platform. “YOU,” Thomas hissed, grounding to a halt, “YOU’RE not supposed to be here.” “Ah,” Bloomer smiled sweetly, “Thomas my boy, I most certainly belong here. It’s part of my act for me to be right here, right now. ‘Tis merely part of my script.” “Right now!?” scoffed Thomas, as Annie and Clarabel chattered quietly behind, “Right now, you and your ugly great houses on wheels are meant to be by the cattle dock! Never mind your ‘act’, my Timetable is much more important! You always talk such nonsense.” “And you always talk ever so much, yet say very little,” mused Bloomer, “A script would do you well, improv is clearly not your strong suit, Thomas my darling. For such a famous little engine, you never seem to respect the life of a shining star. What a waste, what a waste. We Enthusiast Engines have far more than timetables to worry about, boy; we have fans to please.” Thomas wanted to retort, but was interrupted by a shrill, long blast of Bloomer’s whistle. “I hope you all enjoyed the first part of the show!” Bloomer called to his passengers, as he began to back away, “We shall return after our intermission, and I have no doubt you shall all be there to witness the Grand Finale of today’s display! Make sure to be there at 6 o’clock sharp. After all, Time’s Time.” Bloomer winked in Thomas’s direction. Thomas’s face was redder than Bloomer’s paint, and he had practically vanished behind a thick cloud of steam. “What a horrid engine!” he grumbled to Annie and Clarabel when he finally made it to the platform, “He thinks the whole railway revolves about him, and expects everyone to work at HIS pace! The shame of it, the shame of it...” Annie and Clarabel really thought it all rather ironic.

This is all made funnier by the fact that once the enthusiasts’ train leaves Ffarquhar for the junction, it crosses Thomas with Annie and Clarabel going up the line at Elsbridge. Thomas has yet another chance to start bickering with Bloomer, especially when the Ffarquhar secretary likely couldn’t get the stragglers into Bloomer’s coaches in time (and Bloomer of course didn’t help her one bit). Their next rowl shall be exciting stuff for all involved -- except Annie and Clarabel, who have tried reasoning with Thomas the whole time, but haven’t quite been able to get through to their stubborn engine.

Now, realistically, I had planned to do a bit more talking rather than writing a whole scene. However, much like Thomas, improv isn’t my strong suit, and I hadn’t at first planned for this to be a Bloomer discussion, and perhaps this has gone on for long enough. Whoops!

What have we learnt today? Well, personally, I’ve learnt that I probably need to get the hang of writing these posts. This probably hasn’t worked out super well. Those of you who are more familar with this site are probably cringing so hard at me right now, and you’re entirely right to do so. For shame, me, for shame...

Usually, I like to round these off with a nice, poetic conclusion about what we’ve discussed today... but really I didn’t know that this post was going in the direction it went into. I mainly wrote this to get my foot in the door and finally post something of substance here. Apparently my second to most popular post here is talking about how fucking funny Terence the Tractor here. Can we change that please? Terence the Tractor is funny but... I can do better than that...

Well, no, no I can’t.

...

You know, I meant to start using my typing quirks again at the end of the post.

But now we’re here, and it doesn’t feel right for me to start using them.

...

I’m doing an awful job at ending this.

...

Maybe Terence the Tractor IS the best I can do.

Hmm.

[many-gay-magpies]

Magpie, can you rec me merthur fics? Your top 10?

yes ofc i can!! a lot of these are just some ive read more recently but here u go :> top 10 merlin fics, in no particular order (despite what the numbered list may suggest)!

garden or graveyard by shanastoryteller | this one is SOOO GOOD. it's in the longer oneshot category (11k words roughly) and it takes place in an au where arthur also has magic (albeit to a lesser degree than merlin). it's very sweet and heartwarming, while also delving some into the culture of magic in camelot and a magic-having arthur's upbringing within that culture, and the magic reveal scene is one of my favorites i've ever read.

arthur enchanted by platonic_boner | another oneshot (smaller this time, around 5k), very funny and sweet! arthur gets enchanted to obey merlin's orders, which is obviously no problem at all, as a servant would NEVER dare order around their king... lol. this is an "arthur already knows about the magic" fic and i just really love the dynamics throughout!

our lips are sealed by eat_crow | an even SHORTER oneshot at only 1.9k-- it's truth spell time baby!! arthur and merlin get imprisoned by a sorceress and get doused with a truth spell that caused them to reveal, among other things, merlin's magic and their love for each other. despite the seriousness that comes with magic reveals a lot of the time, it very quickly becomes more silly and light-hearted just bh virtue of what else the truth spell reveals (i won't spoil much hfjgbng)

dower the stars by rorounihime | this is a longer, multi-chapter fic (8 chapters and around 40k) that i read a while ago, but remember being super good (ive actually been meaning to re-read it sometime soon). it's one of those fics where the description makes you think it'll be king of funny and lighthearted, but then the fic itself kind of rips your heart in two-- set in an alternate future magic-legalized camelot, where a great druid prophecy/event of sorts states that merlin will find his "other half" (presumably another magic user) with whom he will be all-powerful, and arthur angsts internally while watching merlin court and GET courted by all these other magic users. very nice build up and a very satisfying release/ending from what i can remember; i'm always a fan of fics where character represses their feelings for the sake of character b's happiness, so this one was right up my alley.

you have to chase it by arthurandhisswordbros | let's throw in a modern/reincarnation au for some spice! 8 chapters and 41k words. it's a social media au of a sort, and normally i'm not one for social media aus, but there is just something so... incredibly special about this one. arthur reincarnates and, five years after finding his "place" in the modern world, discovers twitter, where someone appears to be impersonating the legendary wizard merlin... wonder who that could be? the fic is very sweet, funny, and sad/emotional in parts; it's honestly one of my favorite takes on a modern/reincarnation au ive ever read and i find myself going back to it again and again. the character dynamics are just splendid, and watching arthur's progression from just SURVIVING in the modern world to actually LIVING in it was beautiful. 10/10 would recommend

the weight of words by waldorph | a good portion of this already short (4k or so i think) fic is sex, but the arthur characterization is SOSOSO good i love it so much. this is an especially notable instance of me loving it when bbcm fanfic writers take his character and run with it to the point that it's hardly even canon arthur anymore (but still somehow manages to be a beautiful interpretation/spin on his canon self?? idk man i love it a lot.) just gonna copy the author's description for this: "Arthur knows how to use words just as well as Merlin, and he knows about the magic."

linger on your pale blue eyes by supercalvin | longer oneshot; 18k or so. this one is so good-- it's basically an examination into how arthur views himself as a prince and how his body is viewed by himself and others (read: touch-starved arthur, which always slaps), coupled with some very soft and sweet merthur. the magic reveal in this is so low-key, which is something i like a lot in an abundance of fics where the reveal happens in a big, angsty dramatic flare (which are good in their own right, but can get tiring after a time). loved the arthur characterization in this one!

the gold of you that can't be seen by fleetling | another shorter oneshot (4.5k), and a soulmate au! you can see every color except for the color of your soulmate's eyes until you meet them, and arthur can't see gold. i love this one a lot because it shows the progression of arthur's worldview as he ages (from believing that magic is evil like his father taught him, to working towards or considering legalizing it after his opinions have changed a great deal) very well. includes a few heart-wrenching scenes with young arthur and uther, and a very light-hearted magic reveal!

how to love a living thing by polomonkey | the WHUMP. the ANGST. the HURT/COMFORT. this baby is 17k words of it and it is BEAUTIFUL. i'm just gonna copy the author's summary here because it gives you a pretty good idea of what the fic is about: "Guilt ridden and lonely after his confrontation with Nimueh, Merlin slowly begins to isolate himself from Arthur. When two knights take it upon themselves to teach him his place, Merlin finds himself with nowhere to turn. Will he be able to reach out to his prince before it's too late?" forewarning, there is some minor SA and a variety of mild-to-severe violence/abuse in this, but if that's not something that bothers you too bad then i definitely encourage you to give it a read!

strike of lightning by helloearthlings | another good soulmate au to top off the list-- this is one where you have a tattoo on your back that represents your soulmate, and if the tattoo moves, it means your soulmate has magic. arthur's soulmark is a raging thunderstorm, and uther orders him to kill his soulmate the second he meets them. very good and sweet, would definitely recommend if you enjoy/are partial to soulmate aus

(and an edit, because i literally just read this fic after answering this ask and im feeling VERY insane about it)

and with my opened mouth i join the singing light by intothefirewego | bro oh my god. i cannot even BEGIN to explain this fic my mind is still reeling. it stole all my marbles theyre dead gone decimated. nonetheless i will attempt anyways: basically, this is a (mind-blowingly beautiful holy SHIT) magic reveal fic, among other things, wherein merlin is injured in an attack from a sorceress while he, the knights, and arthur are riding back from a venture to an illness-ridden village; merlin nearly dies and arthur bargains with the sorceress that did it to save his life. but its also soso much more than that and i cant begin to explain ANY OF IT without giving major spoilers but basically its just really beautiful and well-written and you should absolutely go read it if you're not squeamish around graphic descriptions of blood (because there is a lot of that). wonderful unpacking of arthur and merlin's characters and their relationship with each other; 10/10 so beautiful i started crying

[derekscorner]

Fated Rantings: Saiba

I finished the original Fate Stay Night anime

Now I’m sure the first thing an older Fate fan will ask is “why would you watch that one?” because nearly every recommendation I did see was ‘Unlimited Blade Works’ or Fate Zero.

And, to be honest, I was curious. I’m old by weeb standards and I prefer that older early 00s anime style. Most importantly, I fell down the Fate rabbit hole to begin with due to Saber herself.

My earliest loves as a child was older medieval fantasies you see. Robin Hood, King Arthur, stuff like that. (I love Gargoyles to this day due to it’s Celtic roots)

I had always heard of Fate but never dabbled. Some avoid it for the convolution but I grew up on Kingdom Hearts so that’s not exactly a hurdle I fear. lol

Rather I tried the mobile game out of boredom and true to my nature I sought lore because I love mythology. Even if you hate Grand Order everyone can enjoy how Fate retools mythology of any kind into a modern story.

So one playlist later and I found myself knee deep and now here we are. That said, while I chose to watch the original Fate Stay Night it was not the first Fate I’ve seen.

While waiting to track down the dvds I watched Apocrypha online first. Which also proved to be better than anticipated: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/tagged/fated-rantings

Arthurian Legends own me

Now as stated, I found myself drawn to Saber the most. Not just the one you see in the original anime or UBW but as a whole. I had spoiled myself on Saber’s backstory and lore long before I watched that 26 episode anime.

I found myself rather engrossed in this retelling of King Arthur because it was done better than simply gender swapping the legendary figure. Saber was raised as a man and a knight and sees people treating her as a woman as an insult.

And this makes sense given the era King Arthur was believed to have lived in. Women simply could not hold a title like king. Yes, that is very silly, especially since she was chosen by a holy sword, but that’s the point you see.

But the events that made her this way aren’t just tied to that. It’s not as simple as gender identities despite what some will claim. In fact, Artoria is very similar to her “son” Mordred who was also warped by circumstance.

To my delight Fate does not shy away from Arthur’s more noteworthy legends but bends them to Sabers life.

There are subtle changes but key events still happened.

Although they’re full blood sisters in Fate, Morgan Le Fay is still Artoria’s sister.

Although Merlin was wise his detachment to humanity caused him to guide Artoria poorly.

The whole mess with Guenevere and Lancelot.

Although Artoria was the ideal king men wanted she wasn’t one they could understand. (and vice versa)

Caliburn, Excalibur, and the holy lance left her ageless. (literally)

Hell, even Mordred is still her “son”. Artoria allowed Merlin to work his magic to temporarily make her (I presume) a hermaphrodite to produce an heir only for Morgan to use this chance to sneak into the castle and essential slip a magic roofie and take advantage of her sister.

The dark aspects of King Arthur’s legend are still there and it has made Saber who she is. She’s desperate for the grail to redo the sword selection because she genuinely wants someone better fit to do it.

Little does she know the sword and her life was plotted by Merlin and her father decades prior. Artoria, much like Mordred, was set up for failure but not by her own design.

This stubbornness, alongside Shirous own stubborn nature, frustrates some watchers. I however found it fitting for them both. While Shirou lacks the power for her to fight efficiently his personality is the perfect match for her as she is in that moment.

And, like my Mordred post, I’m gonna tackle something some probably think I have no right too but bear with me.

While I understand Artoria’s wishes to not be viewed as a woman I do not think she hates being one or has any ideals you’d usually see tumblr (well now twitter) throw on that bonfire. Rather, to consider her as such is to diminish her pride as a king. Even if she believes herself unfit and a failure she still was a king.

On the flip-side, Shirou is naive due to his age. He’s never been in love before and like Gilgamesh (albeit far less depraved) he can’t really accept that Saber is something he longs for but can’t have. Despite her shared feelings in this route she can’t stay in that era.

But I did not get mad at Shirou for stubbornly getting in the way. He done it the wrong way but behind his teenage infatuation is a desire for Saber to be treated like a genuine person.

She violently rejects this because she believes she’s unworthy of that kindness. It’s a very nuanced thing where no one has bad intentions but still causing negative disputes.

This core issue is what hooked me so badly that I bought and watched the original anime. This is the only anime adaption that follows the “fate route” otherwise known as “sabers route”.

That’s also why this ramble is so Saber focused. This is her story and it was a story I loved to see. A small part of you wants to see them work out but more importantly a big part of you wants Saber to love herself.

To be given the chance to want and be human. Something her upbringing as “Arthur Pendragon” denied her. This lack of freedom in her life is noticed and pointed out exceedingly quickly by Iskander in the Fate Zero scenes I’ve watched.

In Fairness

Now I will grant you that I could enjoy this story far more because I had the context. I was fully aware of what drove Saber and I was aware of why she was summoned by Shirou and how.

I knew about Avalon, her torn feelings, and how Shirous hero complex mirrored her. I would imagine the average anime fan, especially back in the early 2000s, would be fully fucking lost.

For them Fate Stay Night was a generic anime with borrowed names in mythology. I’m also aware some prefer the modern ‘Unlimited Blade Works’, Fate Zero, and ‘Heaven’s Feel’ because they enjoy the other girls more.

Each route focuses on a girl in the barest sense. There’ll always be “animisms” like damsel in distress as well that some just do not like. That is fine. I wouldn’t recommend you view this without context either.

That said, I still enjoyed it far more than I expected. I wish this route explained Heroic Spirit Emiya or had the added epilogue where Shirou finds Saber in Avalon but it’s fine like this.

There was things to enjoy I felt. Rin seems not as “tsundere” as she is in other media I’m shown and I like that she nor Shirou really have a drive for the grail. Their dynamic seems to work in any route whether they’re lovers or allies.

I also like Shirous powers. Due to the Scabbard Avalon he’s become a highly spec’d magic sword. His father didn’t train him properly and he sucks at everything else but by hell do I wish I could just conjure swords. Seeing him use it to greater levels in other stories is always a good time.

I even laughed because the comments I had read before were right. Kotomine literally slings mud as Shirou in this route. The man can use magic karate to topple trees and here he just slings angst sludge at the boy. lmao

Another small thing to note was Gilgamesh’s use of the Babylon Gate. In other media he seems to just sling his entire treasury at people but in this show he actually used the tools a bit. A few swords, a dagger, chains, it wasn’t much but I liked that. (though I suspect animation budget was the cause)

Resolution

At the end of the day I found Fate Stay Night an enjoyable time. I even put off watching the last six because I did not want the ride to end. It leaves some mysteries open but that’s the fault of the original source which was a visual novel.

You simply can’t cram an entire, multi-route, novel into an anime. Thus why I say I enjoyed it more than most due to me having prior context.

To be honest I hope they redo this route one day. Give it the full ‘Unlimited Blade Works’ or even ‘Heaven’s Feel’ treatment. If they do I hope they added the epilogue of Shirou finding Saber in Avalon. (Let them be happy damn you!)

Now to plot what my next venture into Fate will be. Bye~

[i-like-anything-water]

You have way too many ideas and headcanons for Chloenette that it makes me happy (and a bit worried-). You're pretty much one of my source of chloenette contents here in Tumblr (and ao3). Chloenette is pretty much my guilty pleasure of a ship (and my most favorite ship in ML, it used to be the love square 🙃). So, thank you for contributing lots of Chloenette AU and headcanons, ily. (I also like Wenclair, but I haven't watched Wednesday yet, Twitter spoiled me). And the buff Chloe, I'm already trying to find some references 😂, but it may take a while since malapit na Yung start Ng klase (pls send help- Ang iksi Ng bakasyon 😭)

Hello

Thank you! Sometimes I get annoyed at myself for all of my silly aus because I can't seem to finish the one's that's works in progress lmao.

Chlonette is my main ship from the show as well. I love them dearly, both redeemed and damned honestly. They're fun either way.

Thank you! I hope to contribute more for them and I still am, just that whenever I check their tags I keep seeing myself on the latest lmao. I'm probably gonna wait a week and check again for new content xD.

Wenclair my precious. I'm planning to go back into writing for them as well, I still have unfinished works I haven't updated in a while.

Buff Chloe Buff Chloe BUFF CHLOE. I actually first thought of that because of the Wednesday crossover fic I've been toying in my mind. It's also inspired by one chlonette shipper and artist, @honeybearheiress !

Basically in this AU Chloe is an Addams, a bit far from the main family but still an Addams and she's a werebear! So, buff Chloe!

Unfortunately I can't get my hands on the butterfly miraculous and akumatize those in position to extend our vacation. Sad. But I'm looking forward to your art!

Good luck with classes! :)))

[definitionsfading]

part of me is angry at myself in this silly little way because if I weren’t constantly plugged into goddamn twitter I could’ve saved myself from that mcfriggin spoiler, dude. I usually don’t feel this way about spoilers, I will ASK people to spoil shit for me, but this one hit way different. I’ve carried these characters around with me for sixteen years. I carried these characters and their fandom [at the time] through a childhood cancer diagnosis when I didn’t have anything else to cling onto. this wasn’t something casually surface level, lmao, it Meant Something and I wasn’t expecting it, at all! ughhhhhhhhhhhhh ugh ugh. the snape kills dumbledore of the modern age

[floralpunkbarton]

i took a melatonin and i'm trying not to dive back into the fic series i'm in the middle of reading so i get some sleep so have some of the 911 fic plots i'm kicking around that i'm not gonna write

0.5. i joked about it on twitter but the 100% spite fic is the college au buck/eddie/ana/taylor polycule bc the 911 fandom refuses to be normal about women

1. don't ask how much of this is goofed out in a text chain and def don't ask about the bits i've actually written in my notes app but a post buck/eddie get together fic where buck shannon and ana hang out to watch the bachelor together and eddie is so baffled that he calls taylor up and they become incredibly mean friends, and also ali is invited eventually to make the sides even.

i also wanted to give them a hobby to contrast the bachelor and due to space camp's current aew meltdown i wanted it to be going to amateur wrestling. the idea of eddie being bitchy about how into awful homegrown luchadores taylor is just delights me to no end.

this plot is like. 75% spite about how the 911 fandom can't be normal about women. anyway.

2. everyone has written these beautiful soul searching and sometimes incredibly funny fics about eddie getting therapy and losing his repression and realizing he's gay and that's okay but i made myself INCREDIBLY verklempt the other morning thinking about this type of fic but what if eddie was born a girl and the repression lifted and he had to deal with figuring out he's a trans man in his thirties.

any canon compliance quickly falls away here when i factor in chris (can't get his enlistment to make any sense in this fic idea but boy i can give him PLENTY of other trauma) and it gets a little too complicated but god it would be so self indulgent and maybe a little self healing to bang this one out

3. i've spent like the past week thinking very seriously about how to make a mostly canon-compliant shannon lives buck/eddie/shannon au work. the answer mostly comes around to i'd have fuck canon up more than a little bit but god i want it so bad there's like basically zero poly fic in the 911 tag i'm Suffering. spoiled by transformers once again i miss TRINES goddammit

anyway currently the canon fucking i'm taken with the most is that post discharge when shannon asks them to go to la to take care of her mom eddie goes and while it's not perfect by any means they're trying, in a way they couldn't in texas, and it works almost and then buck just. crashes into their lives either by way of the canon timeline from that point on or i fuck with it a little more and they meet earlier idk idk but he crashes in and suddenly it works and it's less trying and more just being and then they have to figure out what to do with THAT fact but they DO figure it out and they just. get to be happy.

i wish i had the attention span to write that one a little bit but it would be like 90k of relationship navigation and polyamory negotiations and another 10k of awful silly jokes and situations if i had the ability

[mcchipisfried]

I'm just in thinking mode cause I needed to sleep this off so I wouldn't be mad but I dont mind getting spoilers you know?

I have this bit with a friend where I yell in all caps when they threaten to send me spoilers but they respect that one time I said no and it bothered me and they never actually send me spoilers for anything unless I ask for specific trigger warnings so I can be aware of certain things but at the end of the day its not gonna ruin a good story y'know?

Like I KNOW that I've told myself that a good story will drop hints of certain events happening and that a story creates a starting base that leads to events happening and a good writer knows to not have a twist for the sake of catching the audience unexpectedly but this spoiler pissed me off. Mostly because I didn't get to control the fact I saw it (it was in a picture sliding thing on tiktok and it had the automatic swipe so I didn't even process the fact the first image said Good Omens Leak before I saw it) and it genuinely pissed me off because everyone (Neil) has been in a "wait and see" kinda moment which considering how hard everyone worked on the show, is completely deserved. Its not gonna ruin the show I dont think. Like I think all of us are still gonna scream and cry and laugh and maybe even put on a gorilla costume and jump out of a window but idk. Its more out of respect for them (the writers, actors, Mr. Pratchett, behind the scenes people we never think about and there's too many positions that go into producing a show and I can list them all out) that I'm annoyed. Not mad but just annoyed.

I wish I had gotten the option to swipe away (I sound so serious guys im laying in bed procrastinating on a Phantom of the Opera sapphic rewrite I'm making I promise I'm a Silly™) just cause I KNOW that moment whether its a big build up or a totally funny Residents On the Own Side Essentially Cryptids Moment™ would have been amazing and IT STILL WILL BE i just wish I hadn't seen it but its okay. Some things are just out of our control. And maybe the resident Newt Pulsifer on Amazon should stay away from computers.

Also thank you to everyone that made it nearly impossible to find the image on here (I had to check so my other friend wouldn't be spoiled. Twitter is off limits for the next few days though)

[starrrbakerrr]

back from the dead 😭

i thought I’d be gone for a week at most and then it became over a month. it was so pointless waiting to finish the book but then life got busy and i got used to be gone.

i did finally finish the book without spoiling myself and i have many thoughts but i have to say now that (spoiler alert?) sejanus’s death is the saddest in the series – maybe because it’s fresh, but it was sadder than finnick’s in my opinion. it broke my heart. my poor bby comrade 🥺

i haven’t seen the movie yet, but will in the next day or two so i’m curious to see how they’ll adapt the story. particularly with how snow will be portrayed… because after finally finishing it, the love-obsession twitter has with snow is officially crazy to me. i hate him more than i did when i started. and he was also such a little shit in the book it made me not want to read it and i took many breaks. and by the end he’s just pure evil like him hunting lucy was giving joe goldberg from you. i don’t understand but maybe the movie makes him more sympathetic (unfortunately)…

on to rina – i do not support josh anymore, and what happened kinda ruined the ship for me. but that’s getting better now and i still love them. josh has definitely tainted my enthusiasm about them though.

lastly, everything happening with Palestine has taken a toll on me. which is silly because i have the immense privilege of it directly affecting me. but i’ve lost what little hope i had in society/humanity and i realize how capable we are of self-destruction (or really how capable and willing those in power are of destroying us). to see what that “country” is doing, and hearing them justify it, and people believing it… i don’t have words anymore, just pain and anger. i was thinking today about how we’ll be remembered in history, and if the events of these 100s of years will be labeled as they truly are, or will the tyranny worsen.

if im being honest reading tbosas has not helped, particularly the last chapter and epilogue.

but i hope being back and seeing some everlark fanart, fanfiction, and meta will bring some joy in the midst of life and world stress.

[takasgf]

Here !! From me to you !! A silly little gush pass 💌♡!!!

WISHI THANK YOU!!!!! for the pass and the kindness 💗💗

my mind's a mess and i cant focus on anything for too long, but my heart BEATS for this boy. like i cant think about any lore or coherent scenario at the moment but i still get soso happy and excited about him. he makes me feel like my old self, my normal self. which i miss. it feels so right to love him and it's almost like it hasnt been 7 years since last time i did it. that time flew right by us. we're back together and i couldnt think of a better time for him to come back into my life.

despite being pretty sad myself right now, I still want to take care of him and spoil him with love and affection because he does way too much to not get appreciated! I generally feel very comfortable around him, he is one of my safe people and I like to imagine him being sweet and understanding to me, without losing his snarky personality of course. he's really fun. if he ever crashed his ship into the roof of my house I'd welcome him with open arms to stay with me for the time being ♡ he's always welcome. back into my life, my heart, my home.

i steal get most of my r.ocket pics from twitter <33 so the app is good for something at least trololol. LOOK AT THE LIL BABIES!!!!! that is our sons Giovanni and Q.uill Junior. i named them

[skiplo-wave]

THOTTIES ACTIN NAUGHTY

They fucked it’s canon you can’t deny it

[14dayswithyou]

▋PERSONAL / LOVE LETTER ASKS !

✦゜ANSWERED: To avoid flooding the dash with all of these asks, I'm just gonna compile them into one big "masterpost" ^w^

also y'all have my entire heart!! ty for these cute messages ;v;

By pressing 'keep reading' you confirm that you are 18 or older.

Anonymous asked: i’m like a rabid dog foaming at the mouth waiting for ur post notifications i mean this in the most complimentary way possible

WAHHH ILY!!! I MEAN THIS IN THE MOST COMPLIMENTARY WAY AS POSSIBLE TOO

Anonymous asked: OKAY i just found your game and was kinda sceptic but... It is so??? Good??? I can't i'm in love with ur work 😭😭😭😭 ur writing, art and whole atmosphere is impeccable. Waiting for day 2 with ma hart while sending my love and devotion to u🥺💞💞💞 And Ren- omg that scene made me- No thoughts, only desire to... Tease the hell out of him and play dumb after. Take the lead and make him shaky and needy. Just please him without taking anything in return. Boy deserves some love and pampering and spoiling 😔 I was never especially fond of yandere characters, but then found your game and fall in love with it (and with Ren, he's my comfort character now) I love your writing and art style so much! Thank you for this game! P. S. Please, hug Renren for me 💕

aaaaa thank you so much for sending such a cute ask!!!!! I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed the demo (and Ren)! I'll be sure to pass all of your love, hugs, and pampering onto them <3

@kia97 asked: I would like to express all my love for you, because thanks to your inventiveness, you have been able to create a beautiful work!!  your art is so impressive it is beautiful that it was able to capture me from the first moment!!  thank you for sending me so many beautiful emotions and for passing them on in the future as well.  I hope you are Renren you will accept my words of love and I wish you the best💖.

Wahhh thank you for your kind words and support!! ;v; I always see you on twitter and I get so !!!^w^!!! whenever I see your name pop up in my notifications! <3

Anonymous asked: this is my ever first time on playing a visual novel with actions and choices i could relate so much! it's really refreshing and i found myself seriously immersed in it! thank you so much for making it!! giving you one tight online hug!!<33

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank youuuu ^^ <3

Anonymous asked: HEHSHFS just found your tumblr and game and playing the demo for the first time and GOD this is just reinforcing how much i love needy whiney men

In this household we stan submissive and breedable men uwu (who can also confidently rail you in the restricted area of the library)

Anonymous asked: how does it feel to have created the best yandere in the history of yanderes? 🤭 i wanna thank you for spending so much time with us, answering all of our silly questions, you're so sweet ❤ and sorry for adding another one oops you dont have to reply just wanted you to know you're an amazing dev ❤

JFDKFJKFAFK You're so kind nonnie!! ;o; I love talking and interacting with y'all too! <3 Thank you for sending this in ^^

Anonymous asked: Just wanted to say to you that you're an amazing person and Im so thankful that you gave us some people to simp over! Im so excited to see more of the game! Stay awesome and be proud! 

Wahh thank you for the support!! <3 I'm glad you enjoy all of the characters aaa

Anonymous asked: I adore this game 🥺 I’d love to throw some money at you through itchio, but haha… my president is a freaking maniac and is doing a pretty good job at isolating my country right now, so I might have to wait a couple of years. I guess you have readers in the unlikeliest of places. I just wanted to say that your writing is very nice AND accessible for people whose first language isn’t English. This account makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, you’re so welcoming. It must take a lot of work. Please take breaks and don’t strain yourself 🙏🏻 

It's okay!! Keep your money! I'm just happy (and very blessed) to know that people genuinely enjoy the game! ^^ But thank you so much for the support, and I'm very sorry to hear that you're stuck with such a terrible president right now >.< I hope things will get better for you soon nonnie! ;v;

@whispereons asked: Hey I found your game and I adore everything about it. I've been inhaling all your 14day content and from what I know this is basically you riding solo AND doing college. You are amazing, even if you don't feel like it all the time, and we are all proud of you. My next ask will be for simping cause you deserve one just for how incredible you are.

JKAFAFKASJK Thank you sm!! ;w; I'm just happy to see that people love the content that I put out, even if it's not much right now ^^; But thank you for your support!! <3

Anonymous asked: I absolutely love how you use different colored phrases in your text. It's like I can hear these responses - intonation and all. P.S. Love your game and all the characters (especially Ren <3).

Ty!! I'm glad you picked up on it ^^ It's also really fun to do lmao But thank you for your kind words! <3

Anonymous asked: i’d just like to let you know that i love you and ur work and ur very funny and talented mwah mwah bye

nonnie pls come back our marriage is in shambles.... the kids miss you.......... (but fr thank you so much!!)

Anonymous asked: (¡Hi!, I really enjoyed the demo. I tried all the routes and even took some time to make the translation of the binary code that appears at the end of it (Was a nice touch), and I'm excited to see what's next with other days! :D U are doing a great work with the game!

aaaa thank you!! I hope translating the binary code was worth it because I can only imagine how much time it'd take to do that ^^; so I'm very sorry for wasting your time afasfaksf But ty for your kind words!!

@niyalibata asked: Okay but RenRen you can have me anytime like-    💗💗  I’m just absolutely in love I honestly just found your game for the first time *very* early this morning & I can’t begin to tell you the hold Ren’s had on me since 😭. As you’re the person behind my new hyper-fixation I will now hold you accountable for my lack of sleep (Jkjk) In all seriousness though I’m really glad I found your game & I hope that it continues to grow! I can tell you put a lot of love in it. Also I can’t wait to see more but make sure not to overwork/push yourself too hard! ♡ I don’t have a question just wanted to be thristy for Ren & drop some kind words lol

LMAO ren's got everyone in a chokehold rn :') But thank you so so much for this lovely message!! aaaaa ;v; I'm very honoured to be the one behind your new hyper-fixation, but plEASE GET SOME SLEEP SFJAKFKA

Anonymous asked: I love you and this game sooo much 😭 You're seriously so talented and amazing! aaaaaaaAaaaAAA!!!!

wahhh nonnie thank yoooouuuuuuu!!!!!!!! ;o; <3

Anonymous asked: I finally played the game and I love it!! I'm excited for more!!

I'm glad to hear that you loved the demo!! Thank you for your support <3

Anonymous asked: Unrelated but ILYSM SAINT you’re telling me you like, writing, yandere boys, FFXIV, AND DND!!! Please be my friend You are so perfect shahhshsusvsgs (I don’t mean this in a weird way I hope you are by no means uncomfortable I’m sorry)

nonnie we are getting married in FFXIV and DnD fr I'm not joking (i'm joking) Lmao but in all seriousness, it's so relieving(?) to know that there are others out there that share the same interests as me!! Feel free to jump back into my inbox and talk to me about them!! Tell me what you love about writing, yandere characters, ffxiv, or even dnd!! <3

[jezmmart]

Chamomile Comic Trivia #22

#112 - Certain

Pretty simple comic based on a thought that popped into my head after I had the same experience Cammie describes.  Can’t remember if the punchline of Layla’s response just came to me or if I had to squeeze it out of the premise! 

#113 - Weird

The second edition of “I came up with a punny joke and just decided to use it completely unorganically as comic fodder instead of just posting it on my personal twitter when I thought of it”.

Also god I wanna slap my past self around the head for thinking I somehow didn’t need to use reference for profile views what is going on with Cammie’s face/neck/hairline here argh!

#114 - Music

The first album the customer holds up here is a doodly little version of the Team Sonic Racing soundtrack, which I guess I was listening to a lot at the time!  The other two albums he holds up were, I think, just random original doodles.  The third might’ve been someone on TV at the time or something, not sure!  I should really start writing these trivia posts as I make the comics rather than several years after, maybe!

#115 - Girl

A long while back I decided to make Chamomile’s canonical birthday the same day as the day I first drew her, which happened to be June 30th.  Since this was the first year the comic update fell on that day, I decided to make it a comic!

Here she turns 28, and sure enough, two years earlier, Brianna said she was 26. However... since then, I’ve kinda quietly switched over to a floaty timeline.  Webcomic time moves slowly, and thus the characters felt like they would age too quickly for the amount of life events I have time to cover in the comic.  So for the time being, Cammie remains 28 canonically, Layla and Brianna remain definitely within the same year as her on account of being school friends, and Vienna and Samantha remain... whatever they are (they’re older than the other three, but not by much).

Brianna’s worn this outfit a few times over the years since this comic, but if I recall you never actually get a really good look at it due to the poses/framing I needed in all those comics.  It says “NO CAUSE FOR A...” and has a Llama underneath.

The final note of trivia on this one... as previously mentioned, on platforms where I provide a title for the comic, it’s always just a single word from as early in the dialogue as possible, regardless of whether that word is a decent title for the comic’s subject or not (so as to not spoil or raise any expectations for the subject of the gag).  I also never repeat the same word twice... except in this case, where for literally years, this comic was named “Birthday”, same as #109, not even ten comics ago!  At time of writing (September 2022) I think it was only within this year that I noticed and corrected this (utterly pedantic that I only I care about) mistake.

#116 - Laundry

Not much to say about this one, if I recall this was just one of those divine gifts my brain figured out on automatic for me.  To this day it remains one of my favourite silly Cammie visual gag comics and I can’t see myself ever removing it from the new reader/sample comic selection on the comic’s home page.  Naturally you can spot a bunch of familiar colours (and a couple patterns) from existing outfits in Cammie’s laundry basket such as her signature outfit, the rose pattern skirt and her designed coffee t-shirt.

I also think I was VERY well-behaved to not clutter up the experience with fanservice even though the scenario was ripe for it.  I’m sure that’ll get me a few heckles and boos from the audience but I say if you can’t enjoy Cammie at her [funny comic] you don’t deserve her at her [sexy pinup]!!

#117 - Hair

This was a fun old one to do, I’ve definitely had a few snapped hairbands over the years and my lucious locks are nowhere near Cammie’s level!  I remember drawing the vice was really tricky because there was little in the way of references at the precise angle I needed for maximum comedic effect and sense-making (as much as it ever could).

As usual for when I need to draw a bunch of CDs from the shop, I put my iTunes library on shuffle, set album artwork to display and just drew little 5 second doodles of what came up because coming up with like 40 original ideas, even at this low fidelity, is a nightmare for something that isn’t really going to be paid attention to.  I can Childish Gambino’s "Awaken, My Love!", Lazlo Bane’s All the Time in the World, and Ryan Roth’s The Beginner’s Guide Soundtrack here, but several others look specific enough to definitely be something.  Seems I randomised the colours though and doodled the designs on after, mind.

Drawing a comic sequence of someone tying hair is really tricky to break down into key poses!  It was also a fun challenge to find a way to imply significantly more failed attempts than I had time to show in the comic (with the panel above being my solution).

[More Chamomile Comic Trivia] (Above link may not work correctly on tumblr app)  

[marshmallowprotection]

Omg I tried my best to avoid spoilers, cause due to time zones the birthday cg would appear a bit later for me, but ahhhh! To be honest I got a bit disappointed the first time I saw it on Twitter (accidentally), but I just scrolled down without really looking at it, since I wanted to see it for myself when it first appeared. I think I got disappointment mostly cause I got spoiled and not bc of the cg itself lol

And... Looking at it today... Oh my god I am so in love with it (╥﹏╥) Seeing the brothers together, looking so sincerely happy and content to share their birthday with each other is just- aaaughhh I low-key teared up the longer I looked at it 😭 And Vanderwood... Oh boy - Vandy!!! Vandy on a cg!!! And they're with the twins!!! Celebrating their birthday!!! This is so precious!!!! The thing is, in my au with my mc, Vanderwood is pretty much a part of a family, although they won't admit it out loud lmao

Seeing them like that made me imagine my mc calling them over to prepare this small and cozy party for the twins, since they did so much for all of them over the years. Just imagine the grin on Saeyoung's face. It's his birthday, so Vanderwood won't grumble this time. They're glad to see him so happy and with his family. And mc taking the picture... Oh, my heart. The implications that Vanderwood is part of the family and that they belong together... (´;︵;`) We don't know anything about their family (at least I don't remember much), but I doubt it's something good, judging by their dialogue in V's AE. I know it's about the twins, but thinking about them finally feeling like they're really HOME... Well, it made me go all sentimental.

And now all that aside, THEIR FACES!!!! THEY LOOK SO HAPPY!!! I'M SOBBING!!!! SAERAN FINALLY GETTING THE BIRTHDAY HE DESERVES, FREE AND WITH PEOPLE WHO LOVE HIM UNCONDITIONALLY BY HIS SIDE!!! SAEYOUNG SPENDING HIS BIRTHDAY WITH HIS FAMILY WITHOUT FEARING ANYTHING!!!! VANDERWOOD HELPING TO MAKE THIS BIRTHDAY THE BEST IT CAN BE!!! AND MC TAKING IT ALL IN!!!

Thank you Cheritz's

I am practically vibrating with excitement and inspiration now

I tried to avoid them for as long as I could as well! But, hey, some people don't tag their spoilers and we can't control that. It's okay! You've got the boys now and they're so happy. I think being able to see them happy and bright is worth it, even if the circumstances that you saw them weren't the way you wanted. The twins are popular and the fans rush to look at them anytime we see them. I want to kiss my boy Saeran so badly, so I get it.

The thing that made me the happiest was the fact that they both can share a birthday cake. I know that's a little silly, but considering their trauma with that it just feels pretty nice to see nobody using a treat as means to torture them. Saeran getting cake after not being able to have one… Saeyoung being able to see his brother shine brightly and get whatever he wants to eat?

You know even though this is a split cake, Saeran had to affirm that Saeyoung needed space on it. It can’t be all about Saeran. It’s a birthday for the two of them. They share. That’s growth. Saeyoung cries about it and that’s the part that’ll get you. They're smiling but we know that getting to this point was filled with tears and struggle. My boys are free! Our boys are free! They don't have to live in fear and shame anymore! They get cake and a family! Crying!

Happy for Vanderwood, too. I think most of us believe that they stick around even though they say that they won't. They've been through too much with our favorite redhead to ever stray too far away. They just have a very rough way of showing it. There are so many things about it that make me cry that Tumblr would never let me get away with writing something that long! Cries!

[greengrayeyeswrites]

shit-faced in love (chapter five)

Title: shit-faced in love

Pairing: Corpse Husband x OC (fem!youtuber!reader)

Word Count: 1,158

Warnings: Mental Health/Mental Illnesses are a big topic in this story. Mentions of depression, bpd and other mental illnesses. Angst, Fluff.

Note: This may be a Corpse x OC story but feel free to insert yourself into the main girls role. If Corpse ever announces that he doesn’t like fanfics about him, I’ll delete this.

Prologue — Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6

Author’s Note: Hello guys! I am very, very sorry that I didn’t update this any sooner. I’ve had a lot of troubles with my mental health lately, especially my bpd acting up and making me feel so worthless I wanted to punch myself in the face with a chair... But I thought that I need to get my shit back together and post a new chapter. I am really sorry about the delay. All these likes I am getting on a story that I mainly write for myself is overwhelming... so a massive thank you!

Also HAPPY BIRTHDAY CORPSE!

— — —

Imogen ended up being MIA for two whole days. She didn’t update her Twitter after cancelling the stream and didn’t upload anything on her Instagram story and her feed. 

The day after her bad mood swing she stayed at home and Baylee came over. The two girls were spending the day on the couch watching silly old-school romcoms; Buddy sitting in between them in case Imogen needed him.

They were watching movie after movie, falling asleep in between and Imogen felt bad for Baylee. She apologized for being so unmotivated, boring and weird today but Baylee quickly shook her head and told her that it was okay. 

Imogen couldn’t believe how happy she was to have Baylee as her friend, but since she was shifting from black to white thinking and back to black, she couldn’t really feel the happiness she knew existed somewhere. 

All she felt was emptiness and sadness. The episode lasted four whole hours and Imogen fell asleep crying in the middle of it. 

On her final day in Houston, Imogen and Baylee decided to go shopping and Imogen wanted to spoil her best friend. She got her a new computer and a new phone—which Baylee couldn’t quite believe. But Imogen was persistent and wanted her to keep the things.

Imogen then rented a beautiful NCT green colored Jeep Wrangler; which the girls immediately tried out when they were driving to the Space Center Houston for their last day.

„You almost sounded like MrBeast, when you gave me the phone and Macbook“ Baylee chuckled, as the girls looked for a parking lot in front of the Space Center. „I mean I’m meeting him and the crew next week for the first time, so I have to practice“, Imogen grinned, feeling way happier then a few days back.

„D’you already know what you’re doing with them?“ Baylee asked, but Imogen shook her head, when her phone rang with a message notification.

„Would you mind?“ Imogen asked nodding towards her phone, that was peeking out of her totebag in front of Baylee’s feet. Buddy was lifting his head from the backseat, looking at his owner and her friend.

„You got a voice message from Corpse“ Baylee read the notification on the lock screen and Imogen gulped. „Would you mind playing it?“ The twenty-eight year old asked and Baylee nodded, unlocking Imogen’s phone and pressing play.

The first thing both girls could hear was shuffling in the background before Corpse’s deep voice rang in their ears. „Whaddup baby?“, he asked and a shiver went through Imogen’s body, while she maneuvered the car into a parking lot. 

Baylee slapped her hand over her mouth, staring at Imogen in shock. Hearing his go-to phrase so close to her ears and so intimate was kinda scary. Baylee felt like she was eavesdropping.

„How are you feeling?“ Corpse asked, „We were kinda worried when you didn’t respond to the group chat. I know I go MIA as well but you usually told us what was wrong. Rae was worried and I was as well. Please text us soon, so we don’t have to worry anymore.“ 

A quiet breath left his lips and Imogen looked over to Baylee, who was still covering her mouth. „I hope you finish your MrBeast stuff soon. I want to meet you real quick!“ Corpse finished the message and the phone screen turned black.

„Oh my god“ Baylee let out and stared at Imogen. „I felt so bad for listening, Mo!“ She cried out and Imogen gulped. „I feel so bad for not telling them what happened. I know how worried they get when I don't text!“ Imogen shook her head.

„Here, here!“ Baylee pressed the phone into Imogen’s hands. „Text them now! Tell them how you’re feeling and what you’re up to today!“ Baylee turned around to Buddy.

„Buddy, I can’t believe I heard Corpse speak like that! He was genuinely worried!“ Imogen watched her best friend and shook her head.

She had to be honest. Hearing Corpse’s voice like that made her heart jump a little bit. What was he doing with her? She didn’t even know what he looked like, yet he made her heart do weird dancy-dances. 

She knew Baylee was watching her, while she typed into her phone. She knew Baylee wanted to know what she wrote—and she would’ve told her, if she wouldn’t be so shy about it.

When the women came home this night, Baylee decided to crash over in Imogen’s AirBnB. They stayed up most of the night and talked about everything and nothing. They were talking about Baylee’s crush on her co-worker, that didn’t even notice her presence. They spoke about Imogen’s therapy and medication and how Buddy had helped her out of so many dark places already; and then, as the sun was about to rise again, they fell asleep.

— — —

They woke up to Buddy licking their faces, wagging with his tail only a few hours later. Baylee sat up and looked at Imogen, fighting her dog off her.

„You know what? I’m going to miss you.“ Imogen finally got Buddy off her and looked at Baylee. Tears filled her best friends eyes and Imogen looked at her. „Bay“, she whispered and crushed her best friend in a hug. „This week went by way too fast“ Baylee cried into Imogen’s shoulder. „I swear, before I go back to Ireland, I’ll take you on a vacy to Hawaii. So be prepared to take a few days off, once I’m done with my travel!“

Imogen started laughing and Baylee grinned. „Gotcha!“

After having a breakfast together, Baylee helped Imogen pack her stuff and load it into the Wrangler. Imogen was fastening Buddy in the backseat, when she closed the door behind her and hugged Baylee once more.

„Take care, Mo.“ Baylee said and squished Imogen’s cheeks. „I will.“ - „No, I’m serious. When you feel low or sad or empty , turn off the cameras and hold Buddy. Okay?“

Imogen smiled. „I will. Thank you, Bay.“ The girls hugged once more, Baylee clinging on to Imogen as if her life depends on it. „I just wish I could quit my retail job and follow you around, being your camera woman or something.“ Baylee sighed and Imogen looked at her.

Imogen’s brain buzzed. „Keep that in mind, Bay. Okay? I’d even pay you.“ Baylee looked at Imogen and the Irish lass grinned. „Whatever you say, big girl“ Baylee grinned and softly banged the side of the Wrangler.

„Go and take the NCTzen car through the states.“ Baylee grinned and stepped aside to her own car. Imogen grinned and climbed into the Wrangler.

„Good luck on these 1,270 miles!“ Balyee yelled, as Imogen turned on the engine. „Take breaks in between okay?“ Imogen nodded and started backing out of the driveway.

Baylee disappeared into the distance and a piece of Imogen’s heart broke, when she left Houston behind.  

to be continued...

Taglist: @wineandionysus​ @chanbaeol​ @rexit-mo