#I spent a day writing this instead of doing my actual time sensitive work

[waateeystein]

Analyzing Nick Dear's Frankenstein (and why we should move on to better play adaptations)

Alrighty y'all, its the long-awaited Nick Dear Frankenstein analysis post! This post is focusing specifically on Dear's characterization of the Creature, and why it negatively affects the play overall (plus some adaption theory added in for funsies). For additional context, I am an MFA candidate studying theatre, and I did this research and the accompanying slides for a project in my graduate-level theatrical criticism class. Basically this post is the text version of that presentation, with some of the slides included, and the fluff trimmed. There is a fair bit of academic jargon in here, but I tried to make it as accessible as possible!

And with all of that out of the way, the Nick Dear Frankenstein deep dive is under the cut! (And citations at the end.)

CW: Discussions of violence and SA.

Before I get into the script itself (which if you are interested in reading it, a PDF version is easily found on google), I want to introduce a fun adaptation theory which is specific to studying Frankenstein, called "Frankenstein Complex Theory." This theory comes from Dennis R. Cutchins and Dennis R. Perry in the introduction section to "Adapting Frankenstein: The Monster's Eternal Lives in Popular Culture." (A fantastic read that I recommend to anyone if your school or local library has it in circulation.) This introduction introduces the "complex" theory, as well as some really awesome ideas that get used and referenced by all of the authors included in the book.

Basically Cutchins and Perry assert that traditional adaptation theory is simple not enough to properly study Frankenstein and it's innumerable adaptations. One might also assert that Frankenstein itself is an adaptation, Mary Shelley published multiple editions of her story, and one could argue that the original story is an adaptation of other stories like "Paradise Lost." Linda Hutcheon, another academic in the field of adaptation studies who also wrote a fantastic book (cited at the end), talks about this idea of "palimpsestuous Intertextuality." I want to first argue here that the original text of Frankenstein and its adaptations (the "myth" of Frankenstein) are palimpsestuous.

And when I say the "myth" of Frankenstein is "palimpsestuous," its basically just saying that the "myth" (tall green guy with bolts in his neck who is mostly non-verbal, going around killing people mostly without rhyme or reason) is the predominate cultural narrative of Frankenstein's monster, rather than how he actually is in the book. All of the cultural ideas of what Frankenstein's monster is are this giant network which interweaves with itself, references and builds off itself, and constantly creates new things from these connections. The book and it's adaptations are not in hierarchy, one is not implicitly better or more important than another, they all work together to create our cultural narrative of Frankenstein's monster. Thus, palimpsestuous Intertextuality.

But what is this "Complex" theory I mentioned earlier, and what does it have to do with Nick Dear? Well, here is a helpful diagram!

Essentially, every piece of Frankenstein media every created, including Mary Shelley's original novel, are all part of the "Frankenstein Network." The complex, however, is personal, it includes anything from that network that you have personally consumed. Some people have a wider complex than others, but nonetheless, most of us have some kind of Frankenstein Complex (if you're this far in the post I'm assuming you have one lol.) I think Cutchins and Perry really popped off when they created this theory, its a fantastic way of studying/teaching adaptation.

But onto Nick Dear. Why did I just spend so much time covering adaptation theory and teaching you all a bunch of academic jargon? Well firstly, I spent a lot of time on that research for class and I wanted to share. But secondly and more importantly, my thesis for this entire post is that Nick Dear, whose goal with his play was to create an adaptation which humanized the Creature and sticks very close to the novel, created something that was unintentionally more a product of his personal complex and the palimpsestuous "myth" of Frankenstein's monster. He wrote a play that deeply mischaracterizes the Creature, and in turn uses violence and SA for shock value rather than substance.

And maybe this is a bold claim, but I think comparing the plot of the novel (from the creature's point of view) and the plot of Dear's play is a good place to start. And for your visual reference, I created a plot diagram for both so that we can compare the two side-by-side. (Thanks Freytag lol.)

The first thing we can notice about comparing the overall plot structure is that they are indeed, very similar. And this tends to be most people's reactions to seeing this play. That compared to most other Frankenstein media, it is super faithful to the book in terms of setting and characters and hitting important plot points. And I too want to praise Dear for that. I think he was extremely smart about what characters he chose to cut or combine, and the plot points he chose to include. I also personally love that despite the cutting of Walton's character, Victor and the Creature still visit the arctic at the end of the play. Dear made so many great choices with his play, but ends up squandering it his mischaracterization of the Creature.

But how is he mischaracterizing the Creature? Well first, lets look at how Shelley characterizes him in the book, specifically in terms of violence. I argue, that anytime the Creature kills someone in the book, it is a mostly equal/proportionate reaction to the violence done against him. His first murder his killing William, and the subsequent execution of Justine after he frames her for William's murder. All of this comes after Victor's initial rejection of the Creature, and rejection by multiple villages, the DeLacey's and the young drowning girl and her father. Killing William and Justine was his first retribution after all of the rejection and violence against him, which was initiated by Victor creating him and rejecting him in the first place. And this is his only planned revenge at that point, his next move was demanding that Victor create a female creature for him, with the plan to flee and live a peaceful life in South America (whether he actually meant what he said is up to interpretation.) His next murders only come after Victor destroys the unfished female creature. This is when the Creature kills Henry and then Elizabeth. Elizabeth (and arguably Henry) are Victor's partners, and the people he most personally loves. Killing them is direct retribution for Victor destroying the female Creature, who was supposed to be (at least from the Creature's perspective) the Creature's romantic partner. All of the Creature's direct murders are direct mirrors to Victor's transgressions against the Creature. William is killed for the initial rejection and subsequent exiling from society, Henry and Elizabeth are killed for the destruction of his future romantic partner.

Dear takes a different approach in adapting these murders. In his play, the Creature's first murder is not William, but is actually the DeLacey's. After being personally tutored by Father DeLacey for a significant amount of time, the eventual and fated meeting with Felix and Agatha arrives and the creature is rejected by them. Instead of going straight to Geneva, as he does in the novel, he first sets fire to the DeLacey's cabin, killing the entire family inside. To me, this feels like the first instance of spectacle and shock over actual substance. In both Shelley's novel and Dear's play, as the creature learns about humanity and war, he clearly has a distaste for violence and killing. And because of this, I don't understand why the Creature has such an extreme reaction to the DeLacey's, especially in this version where Father DeLacey shows him so much direct kindness, and it is Felix and Agatha specifically who reject him. Why would the Creature decide to kill them all? If Dear wanted to add additional deaths, why not just kill Felix and Agatha and spare Father DeLacey because of his previous kindness? This violence, to me, feels undeserved and does not mirror the violence done against him by this family. From a staging perspective, the visual of the house burning is actually a very impressive collaboration between the set and lighting designers on the giant stage of the National Theatre. But I question why this moment needs to be here, when the rest of the play and it's staging in the premier production already has so much beauty and shock and spectacle. This is also the first moment where I find the Creature unsympathetic, because this action seems overly extreme as a response.

After this moment, the murder of William is different but not too dissimilar in tone to the novel. At it's heart, it is still the Creature's first direct revenge against Victor. After this, our next big departure from the novel is when the female creature is fully brought to life, different to the novel where she is never fully given life. Victor killing her after she has been able to briefly live is a more extreme measure on Victor's part too, which by my own argument, may warrant a more extreme reaction from the Creature. And to be absolutely clear, Victor simply kills/dismantles her, and nothing more. As for the creature's reaction, Henry is a cut character in this adaptation, so we obviously don't see his death. Instead, the Creature kills Elizabeth, but in this version, not only does the creature kill her, he also r*pes her. This is my biggest point of contention with the play. To me, the subtext in Dear's version is that the Creature views both Elizabeth and the Female Creature as some kind of property, and when his property (the female Creature) is taken away by Victor, he takes Victor's property (Elizabeth) away too. Right before her death in the play, the Creature and Elizabeth actually have a really touching conversation, and they seem to genuinely bond. And so when the Creature eventually kills her afterwards, him r*ping her comes completely out of left field. The only explanation to me, is that despite empathizing with her, the Creature ultimately still views her as Victor's property, and needed to take her away from Victor in a way that was more than just taking her life from him. And honestly, it's a really gross interpretation of these characters. And I want to be very clear that I know depiction is not endorsement, and that I also believe there is a time and a place for depicting SA on stage, but this play was not the time nor the place. The creature simply killing Elizabeth is enough to get the point across, the SA seems to have been added for pure shock value, and again, spectacle. One could argue that this action done by the creature is part of his sexual awakening, just as he learns about other aspects of humanity. But again I believe this is not justified by the text of the play, and is written for pure shock value at the expense of another character, specifically a woman. I would call this misogynistic.

And these extreme reactions from the Creature in Dear's play seem to create this hyper-masculinized version of the character and the story. And I think that is a shame considering the original story was written by a woman, and Mary Shelley did a fantastic job of writing a story where the men can exist across a spectrum of masculinity, without needing to be this stereotyped version of hypermasculinity with a desire for sexual vengeance. I mean, Victor creating the Creature is a pretty clear metaphor for motherhood/parenthood, especially considering Shelley's experience with motherhood and the loss of her children and her own mother. And not to say that a cis man isn't capable of writing an authentic adaptation of a woman's story, but here, I think Nick Dear missed the mark, especially in regards to Elizabeth's death and his depiction of Creature/masculinity.

And I don't want to boil this down to, "Nick Dear is a man and therefore his adaption is automatically bad." Because I don't think that's the case, and I think that's an unfair assumption to make. What I do think, is that despite trying to make an adaptation that strove to humanize the Creature better than most other adaptations, Dear instead created an adaptation that fell into the overly-violent monster tropes of the greater Frankenstein Network of adaptations. In essence, Dear may have unintentionally become a product of his own "complex." And unfortunately, that subconscious influence may be partially why we get this interpretation of the Creature, and the unnecessary shock factors added into the story.

So where do we go from here? Chances are, if you see a theatre company putting on a production of Frankenstein, it's probably the Nick Dear version. This was the case for me last October when I accidentally attended a production of this script at a professional theatre company back home in Florida. My hope is that one day we can move on from this script, and find a Frankenstein play adaptation that humanizes the Creature in a way that most audiences (who probably have not read the book) are unfamiliar with, while also not resorting to shock value that dehumanizes the women in the story. My homework for myself beyond this research project, is to read more Frankenstein play adaptations, and specifically ones that are not written by cis men. I think the experiences of women, trans people and disabled people (or obviously any intersection of these communities and identities) could really lend themselves to new and exciting interpretations of the script that bring broader perspectives into context. If you have any suggestions of Frankenstein plays or playwrights who have written Frankenstein plays, I would love to check them out! I also suggest giving the National Theatre world premier pro-shot of Nick Dear's Frankenstein a watch, purely just for the design of the show. Costumes, set, sound and lighting are all really spectacular, and I would love to do an analysis of that aspect of the show one day.

Obviously there was a lot about this show I didn't cover (Cumberbatch, I know), I just wanted to cover the characterization of the Creature at a textual level, because to me that is the most glaring issue with this play. Please let me know your thoughts, and thanks for reading if you got this far!

Citations (I didn't do a great job of referencing these in-text, but all of these sources are great and I highly recommend checking them out!)

Cutchins, Dennis R, and Dennis R Perry. “Introduction- The Frankenstein Complex: When the text is more than a text.” Adapting Frankenstein: The Monster’s Eternal Lives in Popular Culture, Manchester University Press, Manchester, 2018, pp. 1–19.

Dear, Nick, and Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley. Frankenstein: Based on the Novel by Mary Shelley. Faber and Faber, 2011.

Hutcheon, Linda. “Beginning to Theorize Adaptation: What? Who? Why? How? Where? When?” A Theory of Adaptation, Routledge, New York, New York, 2006, pp. 1–32.

Jones, Kelly. “Adaptations of ‘liveness’ in theatrical representations of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein.” Adapting Frankenstein: The Monster’s Eternal Lives in Popular Culture, Manchester University Press, Manchester, 2018, pp. 316–334.

Pfeiffer, Lee. “Frankenstein: Film by Whale [1931].” Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, inc., 24 Nov. 2023, www.britannica.com/topic/Frankenstein-film-by-Whale.

Shelley, Mary. Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus. 1818.

Shelley, Mary. Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus. 1831.

[lola-theshowgrl]

Book Review: “The House In The Cerulean Sea” by TJ Klune

5/5

*

I feel like this book has been on my TBR pile for quite some time now, and I've heard a lot of good things about the author, TJ Klune. I'm not sure why it took me so long to read it, but I really wish I'd picked it up much quicker than I have done. It was one of the softest, most comforting stories I've read in a while now - exactly what I needed, and honestly, the sort of book I've been longing for just lately.

The characters are vibrant and loveable, the setting is interesting and well thought out, and the writing was like sinking into a comfortable armchair after a long day. It was cosy and funny in turns, while dealing with some very real issues in a sensitive and clever manner.

Linus Baker, the main character, is someone you can't help but cheer for. He leads an incredibly lonely and boring life at the beginning of the book, working in a job where he's treated poorly by his superiors and colleagues alike, for a governing body that you can immediately tell isn't the most ethical. He stays, in part, because it's what he knows, but also because he believes the work he's doing is important and helpful. There's no point in the story where as a reader I felt his heart wasn't always in the right place, even if sometimes I wanted to reach through the pages and give him a gentle shake.

The characters around him seem to be able to tell this about him instinctually, even though they have cause to be very wary, and I really appreciated the pace the author developed the trust and friendships between Linus and the other occupants of Marsyas Island, especially the children. The way he grows to care for them, to let down his protective barriers, and the way they all value him in turn really speaks to that place in my heart that will always be in love with the "found family" trope.

The relationship between Linus and Arthur was particularly interesting to me, not only because I love a good romance, but also because of how naturally they seemed to fall together. There were points early on where I thought Arthur somehow knew Linus ahead of time, though that never came to anything, and I loved the way they seemed to genuinely just enjoy each other's company. You don't see that as much in romances, sadly, but I'm a big fan of couples who actually like each other as people, and as soon as Linus and Arthur began to bicker about philosophy, I knew I was going down with this ship.

I've said this in other reviews, but it's easy in queer lit to end up dealing with very heavy subject matter, and I was happy to see no big fuss was made about anyone's sexuality. In fact, I don't believe it was ever brought up negatively at all by any of the characters, or even questioned, come to that. It’s the sort of thing I wish I could have seen more of as a teenager, instead of it always being treated as the most tragic thing in the world to be gay.

That said, there were some heavy themes in the story, but as I mentioned above, all of it was handled very elegantly and with a great deal of care. There is an emphasis on being different from the "norm" and the ensuing persecution and prejudice this brings, but it was written in a way that I think a lot of younger readers would be able to see and understand the point without it ever being heavy-handed. Another point was that the adult characters always protected the children to the best of their abilities, keeping the overall tone of the book fairly safe despite the subject matter, and I think that's something that's incredibly important.

I loved this book. I had a spare audiobook credit, and spent it immediately on the sequel because I just couldn't wait. I'm very excited to get stuck in! If you're looking for cosy, happy, urban fantasy with fairly low stakes, then this is for you.

[tibbinswrites]

FFN.net PM requests are annoying me. Anyone else?

Recently I've had several PMs on my fanfic.net account from artists asking for me to commission them to create artwork for my fics. Assuming that these are real people and not bots, I have replied to each of them saying that they are more than welcome to create fanart but that I am not interested in commissioning artwork. I have tried to be kind but these requests are really starting to tick me off and that's starting to come across in my replies.

Here are a few reasons why I am not responding positively to these requests:

First of all, they all start in a similar way. Saying how much my work has inspired them, how they like how the scenes are done or the character work (though they never mention specific scenes or characters). They might drop in the title of a particular story but none of this praise is specific enough where I feel like they've actually read my stories at all. Pretending to be a fan of my work falls flat when you don't do the research upfront to fake it believably. Some of my stories are really short, you can't read a one-shot to pretend it inspired you? Gush about something specific. If you're going to play to my ego, do it properly.

Secondly, I created these stories and posted them for free. The most I have ever expected from my readers is the occasional kudos, comment or bookmark (or reviews and favourites on FFN). I would be THRILLED if someone came to me saying that they wanted to create art inspired by my stories. PLEASE DO! Please tag me when you post it, I would love to see it! It would make me so happy. But these specific people come to me with the expectation that I will pay them for the artwork they 'feel inspired' to create. No. That isn't how fandom works. Something inspired me to create, so I went and created. I spent hours writing, re-writing, planning and editing on any given story. Some took me months to finish. I did all that work in my own time, for my own enjoyment.

I don't have the means right now and I'm sensitive about it. This reason is obviously not the fault of the artists in question, but life is kicking my butt lately and I too am in a position where I'm trying to find clients for my business (a freelance proofreading/copyediting business in case anyone's interested). I was actually in the process of applying for government assistance when the latest PM came through because I'm in early days and haven't had work steady enough to make rent yet (though I'm in a much more privileged position than most, so I'm doing okay for now, it's just a big hit to the confidence). So even if I were interested, I don't appreciate the reminder that I couldn't accept the offer even if I wanted to. Again, I know that this reason isn't the artist's fault, but it might contribute to why my replies might not have been phrased as kindly as they probably could have been.

I cannot, have not, and will never make money from my fanfiction. There is no return on my investment to commissioning fanart from you. If I wanted to commission fanart, it would purely be for vanity (not that there's anything wrong with that if you have the desire and the means). So I think you're pitching to the wrong audience. Try authors of original stories who might actually be looking to get their work published instead. I'm not trying to start a debate of why fanfic writers can't be paid for their work when fanartists can. The reality is that we can't. But the labour that goes into creating a story and the labour that goes into creating artwork is equitable. So taking my effort and trying to make me think that your similar effort should result in a paycheck for you feels so disrespectful to me.

All this to say is that I'm tired of this aggressive style of sales pitch. It's impersonal and unpleasant and manipulative. It never mentions wanting to be paid in the first message and it makes me feel like the bad guy for saying upfront that I don't want to pay them for any artwork they create of my work. It isn't because I don't think artists should be paid, of course I do. If I wanted to seek out an artist to create art for my fanfics, or for an original story, then of course I would pay them. I would research to find an artist with a style that I like and I would approach them with the offer.

I know they're just trying to get work. I understand how uncertain and expensive everything is right now and how prevalent and poisonous 'hustle culture' is, encouraging people to monetise every hobby just to get by, regardless of impact on stress or mental health. But it's just so frustrating that they are trying to monetise my hobby. These stories that I have worked so hard on, they can't even be bothered to read to pretend they liked them convincingly. They approach me with no understanding of the community of fandom but with an entitlement that they should be paid for creating something related to the thing that I created first. Without my stories, you'd have nothing to message about. It's like if I found a piece of art and messaged the artist to say that I would write a story about that art if they commissioned me to. It's unnecessary and disrespectful. Their artwork stands on its own without needing a story at all. Why would they pay for something they weren't looking for in the first place? If I were to just write the story and post it in a reblog of the artist's work, that's adding to the community. That's respecting their work and showing that I was inspired by it without expecting anything back.

Sorry, this got long. I just needed to vent a little.

[kaylasfos]

about my cm s/i ... questions taken from this post !!

other than with your f/o(s), how are your insert’s relationships with other characters like? have they made any close friends or enemies+ how did that happen?

my best friends are absolutely emily and penelope. jj and i are also close, but we don't get to see each other often because of her family commitments. also, we sort of fell off after she confessed her love to my husband while they were being held hostage.

derek has always been like an older brother to me. he also lowkey wingman-ed me and spencer for a long time. i grew up around rossi a lot because he was good friends with my father, so i see him as an uncle.

what about their reputation, are they well known outside of their circle? what do others initially think or assume about them?

i worked in hostage negotiation before i joined the bau, and there i was known pretty well. i hate to brag, but i was very good at my job there and was on my way to a promotion before i transferred.

what were your f/o(s) first impression of them? vice versa, what was your insert’s first impression of your f/o(s)?

i've talked about this a lot, but spencer initially was pretty standoffish towards me. i didn't have anything against him, in fact i thought he was sweet, but he didn't seem to want to talk to me. this led to a confrontation where i asked him why he hated me so much, and he admitted he just "gets nervous around pretty girls".

what’s one thing you and your self insert(s) have in common?

our hobbies! we both really enjoy reading and writing in our free time. our personalities are largely the exact same.

what’s one thing you and your self insert(s) don’t have in common?

my s/i isn't nearly as sensitive as i am. being in the fbi, you can't let things get to you too much.

what is your insert’s moral alignment?

neutral good. i respect authority, but i won't tolerate injustice or being disrespected.

give us a little bit of information about your insert! could be basic (name, age, height), stuff relevant to the source (abilities, class type, affiliations, etc.) or just fun facts you really want to talk about!

kayla orton, 5'3"

how would they spend their day to day in your f/os’ universe? do they have a job or any other daily commitment? a routine they follow?

most of my time is spent at the bau office. when i'm not there or on a case, i'm relaxing at home. sometimes spencer and i have movie nights, and every third friday of the month, the bau girls go out for drinks.

does your insert come into the story and what part do they play in it? how do they fit into everything, and how does the story change with them involved?

cm is more of an episodic show than anything, but i do play into some of the overarching plots. most notably, i was the only person to actually reach out to spencer after revelations and make sure he was doing okay. i helped him through withdrawals and that made us much closer.

also, the maeve plotline just did not happen. she does not exist. boo. that plot is instead replaced with me being kidnapped by the replicator (the unsub of that season, who was replicating previous crimes solved by the bau). he was attempting to replicate spencer's kidnapping from s2, but he didn't get far enough to drug me, luckily.

give us a brief (or not-so-brief) summary of their backstory! how did they end up wherever they are? memorable moments? etc.

oh man, i made a whole timeline of my s/i a while ago! here it is :)

when & how do they get introduced to your f/os?

first day on the job, my desk was next to his!

what about their fashion & aesthetic? what kind of clothes do they usually/like to wear for the everyday, or when they’re all dressed up for some special event?

usually business casual & comfortable enough to run after unsubs if needed. it's often stuff like this:

^ is it anything practical you would wear irl, or is it a little unrealistic and purely for the sake of having a cool design?

i'd wear most of that irl! it's cute and professional :3

if your insert were to become a canon character, how would they be treated by fandom? do you think they would get misinterpreted a lot?

i think i'd often get misinterpreted as the sunshine-y & innocent one. i also think a lot of reid girls wouldn't like me.

how does your insert look like: are they an exact copy of you? are they you, but with minor adjustments? (e.g they have a tattoo, different hairstyle or eye color, etc)

they're me, just a little older and more mature.

what does their living environment look like? is it minimally decorated, messy or super high tech & futuristic? is it a place you could actually/want to live in?

my apartment kind of a controlled chaos space. there's lots of plants and books as decorations. it's very bright and i try to let in as much sunlight as possible. it's a happy space, somewhere i can get away from work. something very much like this:

does your insert have any family? (whether it be familial f/os, ocs, pets or people based off your actual family)

my father helped to found the bau with gideon and rossi, but he passed away when i was young. because of that, i saw the two of them (rossi more often) a lot and they became like uncles to me.

as of criminal minds: evolution, spencer and i have three children: annabel, jason, and ruthie (oldest to youngest). annabel was born around s10, jason around s13, and ruthie after we left the bau after the finale in s15.

[adhd-creativity]

Sobriety Journal: Day 2

I have slipped in my sobriety journey the last month or two. I've not been weekend binge drinking (which is why I stopped before, I've never been a daily drinker) but I have been having 1-3 drinks in most social situations. I thought this might be my happiest state; just indulging a little every now and then. Leaving parties early! Still having time for myself!

But, nope. I feel possibly more miserable than I did when I was partying every weekend. I'm at work today and I feel sluggish and like everything is too much and upsetting me. My tummy feels bloated and my eyes look like angry little beads in my head. I literally can't wait to go home and lie in bed and do nothing. And this is all because of two drinks I had on Saturday night.

I think that while I was regularly binging, I was so hungover most of the time ( did you know it can take 10 days for alcohol to leave your system??) that this tired state became my normal. By the time I felt better it was time to go and out and party again.

Now I know. I know that my life can be such much better. I stopped completely for a few months and I was making art regularly, making shakey starts at writing, reading, doing yoga. I was also going on nights out. I actually think part of the reason I started drinking again was because I was feeling worried that I wasn't enjoying myself on (most) nights out....It wasn't even nervousness, it was boredom. I started poisoning myself for boredom!

If something is boring, if I find certain people boring, maybe I shouldn't be doing those things or talking to those people. The answer isn't to number myself out to enjoy it....especially as that only works for a bit before making me feel super sensitive and depressed.

Adhd and alcohol do not mix. I spent yesterday low key anxious and unhappy all day. I lay in bed for the whole sunny day and felt worried about wasting my life, felt exhausted for no reason, planned creative ideas but didn't even journal, got frozen and didn't eat or drink anything until I was hungry enough to get a takeaway. Then the takeaway gave me a stomach ache lol. Is that fun? Am I living my best life?

Even though I know this all makes sense, and I've read a load of books on sobriety, and no longer even really get pleasure from alcohol (I get about 10 minutes maybe before my mood drops)..... when it comes to a social situation and alcohol is offered/present, I take it. It's like whatever willpower or reason I have goes out the window. I don't even question myself- in fact I deliberately don't question myself.

Fuck alcohol. Fuck the social conditioning that surrounds it, the generational alcoholism I have been born into, the lack of education/ willful holding back of information from advertising and the government. Fuck fighting a battle against what is seen as normal and not harmful when it is anything but. My friends dad died of alcoholism yet she continues to drink heavily herself and sees no issue with it. My own mother argued with me that it was healthier for me to drink wine at Christmas instead of drink juice.

Anyway I have decided journal here about my sobriety- I thought about starting a separate blog but I feel that journalling is just another way for me to create and heal myself. I think my creativity, my adhd and my alcohol use are all linked to each other.

I know I can get back to the creative and happy place I was in just a couple of months ago. I just have to give up alcohol to have everything- instead of giving up everything for alcohol.

[prettyinpurplelights]

Hi! I'd like to make a request :) could you write something about celebrating New Year or something like that? Thanks :)

MUGLER

Heyyy, thank you for my first ask hehe 🫶🏿hope you like it x (Also I attached a link to the dress in the text, it’s the second pic in the tweet, so so pretty!)

“Babe you’ve been in bathroom for over an hour, are you sewing your dress or something? It’s already past 10!” You hear your boyfriend yell from behind the door, you can practically hear his stomp him foot and his pretty lips turn up in a pout.

“I’m almost done Kyks, I promise.” You’re rummaging around your make up drawer, trying to find your favourite brown lip liner and gloss. One of these days, you’re going to organise this space for real, you probably spent more time trying to find make up than actually putting it on. You quickly do your lip combo, pull two braids out of your pony tail to frame your face and check yourself out once more in the mirror before leaving the bathroom. Grabbing your bag off the bed you shared, you make your way down the steps of the apartment, your boyfriend mumbling to himself and fiddling with his watch as he waits for you.

“Bébe, calme-toi (Baby calm down), I’m here.”

“About ti-“ He stops mid sentence, his eyes growing wide once they land on you.

“Merde,” He whispers, stepping closer to you.

You’re wearing an original from the Thierry Mugler 1999 Spring/Summer collection, a long white piece with big orange, blue and purple flowers adorning the dress. The material is light and airy, it almost feels like you were wearing nothing at all which makes it a bit tricky because you’re barely 5’6 and clearly the model back in 1999 was much taller because the dress is a little longer on you so you’d have to remember to lift it when walking or you’re very likely to end up on your ass. The Rene Caovilla gold butterfly lace up heels on your feet gave you a little bit extra height, so you reckon you should be okay. Your hair is up so all of your face visible, you know your make up looks especially great tonight too.

“You like?” You grin, your arms instinctively wrapping around his neck as he holds onto your waist.

“Mmm.” He barely replies before bringing his lips down to meet yours. The kiss is a lot fiercer than you expect it to be, Kylian’s mouth almost bruising yours. His hand travels to your ass, clutching it through the dress as he breaks the kiss to pepper them across your jaw instead. You moan a little when you feel his teeth nip at the sensitive part on your neck, his tongue reaching out to sooth it afterwards.

“Kylian, what happened to being late?” You say breathlessly as his mouth works wonders on your neck.

“If you can make us late, so can I.” He moves back up to capture your lips again and you lean into him, losing yourself in the kiss as your leg lifts off its own accord to wrap around his leg. But when you feel Kylian’s hand swipe across your ass and onto your thigh, inching upwards, you pull your yourself back from the kiss, before it travels any further. Kylian leans forward for another kiss and you place your hand on chest, to push him away.

“Ky, I didn’t look this good just for you to ruin it before anyone else has seen me?”

“I can’t help myself, you look incredible mon amour.”

He leans towards you again, his lips hovering above your ear.

“I’ll be quick.” He whispers, kissing your earlobe. He knows that’s one of your most sensitive spots that turns you to instant mush.

Sneaky bastard.

“And we’ll be late, cmon, we have two hours left of the year. Maybe if you’re lucky, I’ll let you start of 2023 by taking the dress off me when we get back.” You wink, already by the door. “Keep your hands to yourself at the party, Mbappe.”

“Mbappe? I must be in trouble.” He laughs, shutting the door behind him before you ride the elevator down to your town car.

——

The party is great, the atmosphere is lively and everyone looks gorgeous. Almost all of the PSG team and associates are there, and it’s been a wonderful night. You’d danced with the other WAGs while the men are at the bar, chatting and doing goodness knows what else, but now it is nearing midnight, about 30 minutes to go. Kylian searches for you in the crowd, but you’re no where to be found on the dance floor. He spots Hakimi with his wife and walks over to them, waving to them to get their attention.

“Have you seen Y/N?” He yells over the music.

“I think she went to the bathroom a few minutes ago.” Hiba replies, and he thanks them before heading in your direction. He’s about to climb the steps when he sees you at the top.

“Baby!” You shout, breaking out in a grin, excitedly running down the stairs to meet him, when it happens all too fast. The heel on your left sandal catches onto the back of the too long Mugler dress and trips you, sending you tumbling down. You land awkwardly on your ankle, hitting your head on the corner of one of the steps.

“Y/N!” The scream that leaves Kylian is horrifying as he crouches over you, face in his hands. “Shit, SHIT, Y/N, your head, you’re bleeding.”

You reach up to touch your forehead and surely enough, there’s a little bit of blood on your fingers when you bring them back down, but nothing alarming. Your head throbs a little bit and there’s a shooting pain in your ankle, but other than that, you feel relatively okay. You wince trying to stand back up, and you decide it’s better to just stay seated. Everyone is crowded around you, wondering if you’re okay.

“Ky, I’m okay.”

“Your head Y/N, I need to call an ambulance.”

“Kylian, I do not need an ambulance. Don’t be so dramatic.” But it’s too late, he’s already on the phone requesting one as soon as possible. Someone hands you a hand towel hold it to your forehead to try and stop the bleeding.

“Babe, can you stand? You know what, never mind.” Before you know it, you’re swept off your feet, Kylian lifting you from the floor, carrying you bridal style through the building.

“Oh my god, Kylian put me down! Ky this is so embarrassing I can walk!” Everyone watches on as he pushes his way through the crowd, whispering amongst themselves and gasping as you pass them.

“God, Y/N! Are you okay?? Dude what happened??” Hakimi rushes over to Kylian, worried when he sees you in his arms.

“Hakimi tell your boyfriend to put me down. I tripped and he’s acting like someone pushed me off a cliff, I’m fine!”

“She fell down the stairs, I’m taking her to the emergency room, I’ll see you guys later, happy new year.” Kylian says quickly in one breath, before rushing the both of you out of the main door into the open air.

“Kylian, you’re ridiculous, I’m fine, please put me down.”

“Y/N your head is bleeding, you hit it pretty hard. And not to mention your ankle. No, we’re going to the hospital.”

“You’re so fucking dramatic.” You roll your eyes, but you stop fighting in his arms because you realise it’s pointless, he isn’t going to put you down until the ambulance arrives so you’re finally glad when it does and he sets you down on the stretcher while a paramedic looks at you.

“The cut is pretty deep ma’am, and you may need a cast for that ankle, it’s not an immediate emergency, but we’ll drive you down to the hospital and get you fully checked out to be on the safe side. Don’t want you walking too much on that ankle, could make it worse.”

“Can I ride in with you?” Kylian asks, his hand never leaving yours. “I didn’t bring my car with me tonight.”

“Of course, Mr Mbappe.”

“No, Kylian, you can stay, enjoy the party, I’ll call my sister to pick me up later.” You feel awful for ruining the evening for him. He’d been looking forward to this all week, especially after how hard he’s been working the past month with the team to secure their lead at the top of the league table.

“And leave you alone just before the new year? Absolutely fucking not.” He steps into the back of the ambulance as the paramedic closes the door and starts to drive toward the hospital.

“I’m sorry.” You croak, your voice breaking, tears forming in your eyes, partly because of how guilty you feel and also because the adrenaline has now worn off and the throbbing in your head and shooting pain in your ankle are now in competition to see which can make you cry the most.

“For what mon amour,” His eyes are so tender and worried as they scan your face it makes you cry even more.

“Ruining your night, making you leave the party because I’m stupid and clumsy. This is isn’t how you wanted to enter the new year. In the back of an ambulance away from all the fun and your friends and-“

“With you. Y/N we could’ve ended this night drenched in horse shit in a barn and I still wouldn’t care because I’d be with you.” You hear the radio from the front of the van as the countdown into 2023 begins.

10, 9, 8,

“I don’t deserve you.” You pout, and he leans forward to kiss you lightly.

7, 6, 5,

“I don’t deserve you either. So in that way, we’re perfect for each other. And look, when you change into a hospital gown, I’ll be there to take the dress off. So technically, I still win, and get to start 2023 exactly how I wanted to.” He smiles, and you’re hurting now, but for a completely different reason. Your heart tugs, you were so in love with this man in front of you. There’s absolutely no one else in the world for you but him.

4, 3, 2,

“I love you Ky, so so much.”

1.

The sound of fireworks going off all over the city ring out, the sky lighting up in all sort of shapes and colours as he dips down to capture your lips in a passionate kiss.

“I love you mon amour, happy new year.”

——-

Hope everyone has a great Christmas xo my present to you, a gif of this stupidly sexy man in a tux 😩

[demonsandco]

hi!! i was wondering if you could do a headcannon of the brothers + dia, barb and simeon reacting to mc asking if they could do it in their demon/angel forms?

I sure hope that by “demon form” you meant my version of their forms, because only after I finished writing, did I remember that they have canonical demon forms, too, woops! But Simeon doesn’t have a non-human form in-game so hopefully I was right gjhfkfjh

Lucifer : It’s a rare occurrence to see Lucifer speechless, yet somehow they’ve managed to stun him into silence with a single request. Being intimate in his demon form isn’t something that’s even crossed his mind before, not seeing his true form as anything more than a tool for intimidation. With too many eyes, elongated limbs, and crisscrossing scars highlighted by patches of missing feathers, he truly doesn’t understand what they see in him to pick that over his much more palatable, human form. Yet, despite his initial shock and hesitance, he can’t find it in him to deny their request. If they really want to see his true form, especially in such an intimate setting, then he’ll humor them, but the entire time he’s preparing himself for some sort of rejection, expecting them to flinch away from his touch or to ask him to switch back. He’s astonishingly vulnerable in this form, and craves a positive reaction from them.

(cont under the cut)

Mammon : When he hears their request, Mammon’s relief is palpable. Having sex in his human from has always felt distant to him, as though he were wearing a costume or a skin tight suit. He’s desperate to feel their hands on his demon form, often fantasising about how their hands would feel running across his wings or buried in his feathers, but, while he may have not so subtly hinted at his desires in the past, he’s never had the courage to initiate such a thing himself. He’s immensely excited about their request, so excited in fact that he’s prepared to stop whatever he was doing and drag them off to somewhere private to have his way with them. It also encourages him to spend more time in his demon form around them, now that he knows that it won’t scare them away.

Leviathan : Levi’s knee-jerk reaction is to say no right off the bat. As much as he trusts his partner, he can’t help but think that there’s some sort of ulterior motive behind the request, refusing to believe that anyone would actually want to see his demon form, much less touch it in such an intimate way. While his true form grants him confidence and immeasurable power, in a relationship, it becomes his biggest insecurity. It takes a lot of patience and encouragement to convince him to go through with it, and even then he’s hesitant to even touch them, worried that they’ll think he’s creepy or gross and change their mind. It doesn’t help that he’s practically useless on land and that they’d need to join him in the water to comfortably have sex. He’s understandably nervous, but praise and affection go a long way in easing his worries, and once he gets a taste of how nice it feels, he finds himself asking them to be intimate in his demon form more often.

Satan : Satan isn’t all that surprised by their request. In fact, he’d been expecting it to come up sooner or later. After all, he wants to know every intimate detail about his partner, to see them in their most vulnerable state, so he assumes that they’d eventually want to get to know his true form intimately, as well. He feels some anxiety, of course, his demon form not exactly being human friendly, all rough skin and sharp edges, but he does a good job at keeping his fears at bay and enjoying the moment. It feels freeing, in a way, to have them accept him so readily, to allow something as monstrous as him so close in such a vulnerable moment. With every soft touch of their hands and kiss from their lips, he finds himself falling in love all over again. He craves their acceptance, and the fact that they can see him at his worst and still show him love speaks volumes.

Asmodeus : As much as he wants to tease his partner for having such a lewd suggestion, or to think of it as a chance to introduce them to something new and pleasurable, the only thing Asmo feels at their request is genuine fear. There is very little that he’s afraid of, but the idea of them rejecting him is terrifying, and he’s convinced himself that no one could possibly love him if they saw his true form. He’s very calculated in what parts of his demon form he lets people see, making sure he looks cute and unassuming at all times. He has no problems showing those parts of him to his partner, but the rest of his demon form isn’t anywhere near as cutesy, and he doesn’t want them to associate him with such an “ugly” appearance. Yet at the same time, he wants to be able to be himself around them, to have them see the parts of him that he’s kept hidden. It takes a lot of worry and hesitation, before he finally shows them his true form during sex, the shared lust giving him the push he needed. He’s so prepared for a negative response that their positive reaction is enough to make him melt against them.

Beelzebub : It’s not uncommon for Beel to be seen in a not quite human form around the house, his wings and horns unconsciously coming out while he eats or works out. Knowing this, he’s surprised that his partner has seen those parts of him and instead of being scared, they want to see more. He’s not the type of person to hide who he is to make himself more palatable. He trusts them to know what they want, and he takes their request at face value. At first, he didn’t think too much of it, but the moment he feels them touch his true form, watches them search for his most sensitive areas, he becomes addicted to the feeling. The fact that he’s even bigger than normal in this form excites him more than he thought it would, too, his massive frame making his partner seem tiny in comparison. Needless to say, he finds himself letting his demon form out during sex more often, both because he wants to feel their touch again and because he finds it more comfortable.

Belphegor : Belphie is genuinely surprised that they’d want anything to do with his demon form after how badly things went the first time they saw it. Hearing that they not only want to see it again, but that they want to see it in such a vulnerable moment is a relief to him. He’s always thought that actions speak louder than words, and he sees their request as a sign of trust, something he values greatly. He’s more than happy to show them his demon form, to let them explore his body and create new, much more enjoyable, memories. He also takes it as an invitation to show his demon form more often, taking every opportunity he can to let out his horns as he cuddles up to them or conveniently resting his tail within petting range. Now that he knows they’re not scared of his appearance, he wants them to associate his form with positive and intimate moments.

Diavolo : Diavolo is positively ecstatic to hear their request! He’s wanted to don his true form while being intimate with them since the start of their relationship, but he’s held back out of worry, not wanting to risk frightening them. Truthfully, he’s not too fond of maintaining a human appearance for so long, and he’s almost too excited to let out his demonic features. Hopefully, they had nothing else planned for the day, because he’s already got them wrapped up in his many wings, with his scaly face pressed against their neck. He plans to take his time with them, practically acting as though it was their first time together again, treating them like a priceless treasure in his clawed grasp, showing them everything he can do in his true form that a human could never hope to accomplish.

Barbatos : Barbatos has been waiting for them to ask this for quite a while, and he can’t keep the small smile off his face when they finally do. While he’s perfectly comfortable in his human form, he feels as though it greatly limits his abilities in the bedroom, and he hates to think that he’s not pleasing them to the best of his abilities. He knows that his true form isn’t something a human would be used to, though, so he waited until they were confident enough to bring it up themselves. He sees it as taking the next step in their relationship in a way, knowing that they not only are willing to accept him for what he is, but that they embrace it. With his extra limbs, slick tail and long, powerful tongue, he’s more than happy to show them how much more skilled he is at servicing them in this form, and he’s also surprised to realise just how sensitive his demonic appendages are.

Simeon : It’s rare for Simeon to feel the need to turn his partner down, but he finds himself initially denying their request when they first ask, coming up with some half baked excuses in an attempt to avoid hurting their feelings. Humans never seem to react well to an angel’s true form and he can’t bear to see them regard him with fear, especially not during such an intimate moment. While his angelic appearance may not be as monstrous as a demons, the extra limbs, many eyes and inhumanly tall frame are more than enough to make him look rather disconcerting. Yet at the same time, he doesn’t like the thought of hiding his true form from them, leaving him conflicted. With enough reassurance, he eventually feels comfortable enough showing them bits and pieces of his angel form at a time, and each night they spend together his human form slips away a bit more. At first it���s just his wings, letting his partner run their hands over his sensitive feathers and getting used to the extra limbs, before slowly showing them more of him. Soon enough, he reaches a point where letting out his angel form around them is like a habit, feeling like it makes their time spent together feel more intimate, especially now that he knows his looks alone won’t scare them away.

[forbidding-souda]

hello hello!! i just randomly thought of this one while spaced out in class LMAO- could i have kaede, kazuichi and chiaki (separately) meeting someone who has the same talent as them? tysm, stay safe and have a great day!!

Kaede Akamatsu, Kazuichi Souda, and Chiaki Nanami falling for someone who has the same talent as them

I hope you have a good day too lovie

I'm writing this instead of working on my d&d campaign because I'm a procasinator and next session is going to be so mathematical I want to die

currently watching: Gen Z Childhood Trauma Iceberg THE COMPLETE SAGA

-Mod Souda

Kaede Akamatsu

✯ She is a tiny bit competitive. She's not used to people being on her level, or anywhere near it, as she's always blown the roof off. Initially, she doesn't know how to prove herself beyond trying to put emotional passion into her pieces and even writing a bunch of her own. When she first found out you existed, she spent a bunch of hours of her life researching you and watching your videos (you know what's even worse about you? You're hot. It's sick, makes her sick to her stomach, how could you be so perfect?).

✯ Once it came to her trying to pull you, she was so optimistic about it. Originally it was like keep your friends close and your enemies closer until boom, she wanted you to be closer to her than both her friends and her enemies. She knew that the two of you were like no one in the world so she immediately tried to convey her interest through pieces. She would chose romance-based ones. To a Wild Rose for small things like playing at restaurants while you two have a meal together (but isn't it a bit melancholic? She's pining, that song is what it feels like to her). She could play Chopin but that would only end in the two of you giggling together.

She breathed deeply, trying to steady herself. Why is she nervous? She does this sort of stuff all the time! Well, no, that's not true... competitions is not something she does that often. Her body trembled from a combination of anticipation and anxiety. Using her foot, she elongated notes as well as softening them. She played the music in which way the audience feels rather than in whatever way she felt. She needed to win - she needed to find something that can assure the world that even though you are out there, she is not going anywhere. Her confidence was unwavering. She was nervous because you are in the audience. In a more literal sense, you were her competitor. Did she want to impress you, or was she scared of losing to you? She let the melody stain the piano keys like rain to asphalt. She then put you, note by note, into the front of her mind until she discovered that it was your smile she was imagining - and it wasn't you smiling to the audience, but you smiling to her.

✯ Whose sheet music is whose? You guys don't know, you've only just now started to sign the top corner of them so you could keep track.

✯ She's used to being the one that soothes everybody but now gosh it's amazing to know that there's somebody out there who's capable of soothing her back.

✯ Throughout the day, she will grab your hand and dance with you and make you spin as if there is music playing.

.

Kazuichi Souda

✯ Mans awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. His self-confidence is going haywire at the notice of you. There's no way he can even consider himself one-of-a-kind anymore but when he actually meets you, he tries to play it off as if he is unbothered which is mainly because with all the stories he's heard about you, he didn't expect you to be as attractive as you are. That conversation had a lot of "uh, yeah"'s. After meeting you, he's going to be kicking his feet doodling in his diary about you.

Driving home, he was grumbling under his breath. He's driving a stupid car that works stupidly better than it did when he was stupidly working on it. He considers himself skilled at what he does but of course, he has his flaws. You always manage to size him up around his flaws (but he can do the same to you, so it's fair game, he's still sensitive though). Around him the city is dying down as the sun starts to drop, people shuffling into karaoke bars and ice cream places makes him hum. He thinks, we should do that together. His cheeks go pink. It still surprises him how much the little things remind him of you. After closing the front door he kicks off his shoes and shuffles out of his jacket to the sound of you filling the air with your joyous exclamation of his name [he can almost hear the xoxo in your voice].

✯ The thing that makes him want to scream and cry the most is how when somebody tosses a mechanical instrument at him most of the time he won't notice and just gets hit in the head... but when he tosses one at you you just catch it! How dare you - he can't stand it.

✯ He will be on the verge of making out with you whenever you come out from under a car and you got the mucky hands and the sweat around your body.

✯ He can just talk... naturally to you about stuff and not worry about you not knowing what he's talking about.

.

Chiaki Nanami

✯ You have the same interest as her? That's awesome. She is so excited to have somebody to talk to (especially about all the niche things she's into). You can impress her by knowing the shit she's talking about, and it's mainly because she's used to keeping a lot of this information in her head so she doesn't infodump on random people (and when she's talking to you, it's not infodumping but instead an two-sided conversation). Hanging out with you means that she can have a calming silence as she games with you by her side.

It is now that Chiaki takes her butt over to your house. She walked the way with her nose in her game, almost missing the train and then her stop too. The adventure gave her four wins (technically five if you count seeing you). You are surprised when she knocks and you are more surprised when she speaks before you can even say anything. "I didn't tell you that I was coming, huh?..." She trails off, her voice dreamy as she continues to game even on your doorstep. It makes you wonder why you even paused your game to answer the door when you could have just brought it with you. You laugh an airy laugh, "That's alright. I'm happy to see you." She smiles before slipping by you into your house. You look her up and down affectionately before welcoming her in. You have of course had her just walk in before, and you've also experienced her just being in your living room playing your games. She's so comfortable around you that she doesn't put much thought into social awareness (and she knows you'll continue liking her no matter how many times she walks through your front door while you're busy gaming upstairs).

✯ Ahh the two of you can have matching consoles, and since the two of you are so popular, the consoles will literally be made for you both.

✯ Omg and in game couples being based on you two. They'd have kissing animations

✯ She doesn't feel threatened by your presence at all - she is just so grateful you exist. She feels hearddddd like no tomorrow.

[hyunsuks-beanie]

Feel So Good

Jay x fem. bodied! reader; smut; squirting

Word Count: 0.78k words

Mellow speaks: I honestly think Jay is the kind of person that could actually make you squirt, and that's what made this even more fun to write xoxo. I hope you guys enjoy reading this, and as always, the inbox is open hehe. PS. Been a while since I wrote a short fic lol, feels nice. PPS. Not at me thanking the heavens for a new Jay pic at last.

Tagging: @enhabb

"Mmm that feels good," you mumble against Jay's lips as his member rubs against your folds, arousing you to no extent but not entering you just yet, his hands playing with your breasts as he continues to give you one sloppy kiss after another, the pent up sexual frustration from the past week finally coming out in the form of the best sex you've had in a while.

"Wait till I enter you, baby," he replies softly, the feeling of his length rubbing against your core sending you places. You let your hands roam all over his body, trailing over his defined abs as his own play with your nipples, pulling ans squeezing them. Pulling his face closer to yours once more, you let out a soft whine, telling him you want him inside you before smashing your lips onto his yet again. He only chuckles in reply, his member ghosting over your hole as if to tease you.

It's only when you tighten your grip on his hair, tugging on them particularly hard, that he relents, entering you slowly at first, before ramming into you hilt deep without warning. You can't help but gasp at the feeling, his length filling you up completely as he begins thrusting in and out of you, gradually building up the pace. Before you know it, he is totally banging into you, your head nearly hitting the headboard with every thrust. It doesn't take long for the words that were spewing out your mouths to be replaced with lewd moans, your hands traveling up and down his back and your nails raking his skin while he keeps filling you up.

"Fuck J-Jay," you moan out, toes curling from the waves of pleasure rippling through your body, and the way his name rolls off your tongue nearly makes your boyfriend lose it. "Keep saying my name, love," he urges, still pumping into you, his teeth gritted and brows furrowed as he rests his focus solely on showing you a good time. So forceful are his thrusts, that even in your muddled up state, you can't help but let the fear of the bed breaking tonight creep into your mind. But since you're unable to do anything about it, you decide to let the matter rest, choosing instead to wrap your legs around Jay's torso, giving him a better angle that only makes him speed up even more, if that was even possible.

It doesn't take you long to feel a knot forming in the pit of your stomach, the sheer size of it feeling like a ball this time. Your moans continue to get louder the closer you inch towards your high, and before you know it, you're hanging at the precipice. Already sensitive owing to the extended foreplay from earlier, you finally reach your climax, his lips finding yours as you ride out your high, body convulsing from the sheer force of your orgasm, which you'll later say was the most satisfying orgasm you've ever had. Despite the stress that your body is under, Jay doesn't relent, continuing to thrust into you at full force even as you ride out your high, akin to a beast that's unstoppable.

He doesn't know what keeps him going, but he just can't seem to stop or even slow down. Maybe it's how gorgeous you look, completely spent from the monstrous orgasm you just had, maybe it's the exhaustion from the long hours at work, or the frustration of not being able to touch you for days on end, but it's like his dick has a mind of its own, pushing into and pulling out of you incessantly, your body lying flaccid from your climax. He targets your G-spot with every thrust, your eyes rolling back from the sweet pain that he's inflicting upon you. And that's when you feel it. A new kind of pressure inside your body, originating somewhere much lower than the kind you just felt during your high. You feel a sudden urge, one that's so forceful that it makes you close your eyes, your body stiffening in anticipation.

And then, all of a sudden, the pressure releases itself, pouring out of in the form of a forceful ball of liquid as you squirt out onto Jay's thigh, a loud moan slipping past your lips not long after. Feeling your body finally calm down, you open your eyes, only to find him staring at you, his own eyes the size of saucers as a smirk plays at his lips. Did it really feel so good you squirted?," he taunts, starting to move his hips around once again while you let out a whine, "Let's see that again, yeah?"

[imagineanime2022]

(OM) He Snaps At You

Lucifer X Reader Mammon X Reader Leviathan X Reader Satan X Reader Asmodeus X Reader Beelzebub X Reader Belphegor X Reader

Summary: He snaps at you and what he does to fix it

Bold = Him

Normal = You

Lucifer 

📚 Lucifer was harsh and straight to the point most of the time but he rarely snapped at anyone that wasn’t his brothers.

📚 He tried his hardest not to be as harsh with you, he knew that humans were sensitive but as it so happened his vice could still get in the way of that.

📚 Being the most Prideful being in any universe on any planet meant that when your grades had started to slip he was on you before you had the chance to change anything.

📚 As it turned out the only reason that you had scored so low was because you were doing something for him the night before and ended up falling asleep during the test, you pleaded with the teacher and they agreed to allow you to retake the test that day after school.

📚 “You’re late.” “I know I asked Mammon to let you know-” “Mammon hasn’t been home either.” “Oh I was-” “Come to my office please.”

📚 You felt like you were in trouble and in a few minutes you would find out that you were.

📚 “Is something wrong?” “I’ve been sent the report for you recent tests.” “Oh well theres one-” “I don’t believe I asked for excuses.” “But Lucifer I’m not-” “I expected better from you, this expect from Mammon, Beel even Asmo but for you to get lower than a passing grade, I can’t let this slide. Is there something going on that I need to know about?” 

Now you probably should have told him then that you had already retaken the test but after everything that he had said the tone that he had used you didn’t feel like telling him anything so instead you shook your head with a simple “I’ll do better.” 

The next morning Asmo had tried to stop you from rushing out the house before breakfast but you simply told him that you weren’t hungry and that you would see him at school, Mammon then complained about not being able to find you that morning but they all knew that something had happened when Lucifer didn’t say a word on the subject.

You spent a good portion of your days studying, the only time that you weren’t studying was when you were working, you even made sure the eat before coming back from work so that you could go straight to your room, unfortunately Lucifer hadn’t realised how badly his words had effected you because of how much time he spent in his study over working himself.

One day he was walking through the halls of RAD when on of the teachers approached him handing him a paper “I hear that your the one who is keeping an eye on (Y/N) and handing everything back to Diavolo.” He said and Lucifer nodded expecting to hear that there was yet another problem but instead he was handed a paper with a large 95% on the front.

“What’s this?” He asked with a frown.

“When I gave back the marked papers a couple of days ago, they begged me to retake it, they said that they knew they could do better and they weren’t wrong.” The teacher explained and Lucifer frowned as he looked at the paper flicking through it as he was left alone in the hall. Lucifer remembered that you had come home late the evening he spoke to you and he assumed that must have been because you were retaking the test, he hadn’t even let you talk, he should have let you talk.

That evening you again weren’t with the brother’s for dinner it was then that Lucifer noticed that he hadn’t actually seen you for almost a week now, it was later that evening that he did anything about it. He had come out of his study expecting to see that everyone had turned in for the night but the light in your room was still on, he frowned before knocking on the door but you didn’t answer. Lucifer assumed that you had fallen asleep with the light on but when he opened the door he saw you hunched over the desk scribbling and writing furiously.

“(Y/N) dear what are you doing?” He asked.

“Studying.” You answered.

“It’s late, you need to sleep, there is no need for you to study further you got 95% in your last test.” He reminded you.

“95% isn’t 100%.” You mumbled as Lucifer noted the indent from your pencil, he sighed as he realised how much his words had effected you, he pulled your chair back with so much force you were surprised that you even stayed on it.

“None of that, it was unfair of me to ask that of you.” He said as he crouched so that he was level with your face.

“Because I’m stupid?” You asked.

“You are not stupid, you’ve adapted to a world you were taken to without your knowledge, you are getting better grades then people who have studied these subjects their whole life, you have achieved more than I should ever ask of you.” He stood pulling you up with him “come on you need rest.” He pulled you to the bed and took off his cloak and waist coat, he kicked off his shoes and held his hands out to you, you stood for a second before he leaned forward slightly and took you hand “I told you it’s time to rest.” He pulled you onto the bed and hugged you once you were asleep he sighed, he can’t believe that he let this happen, he would spend the rest of his life making up for this. He fell asleep massaging you fingers and hands trying to soothe the indents.

Mammon

💳 Mammon tried not to snap at you but sometimes it still happened, however he would always apologise seconds after having done it.

💳 Today however he had no intention of apologising considering for the most part he didn’t believe that he was doing anything wrong.

💳 You had come to his room for a movie marathon that he had insisted on having, you walked into the room and he was rushing around looking like he was ready to go out somewhere.

💳 “Are you going somewhere?” “Yeah, I heard about this new casino!” “I thought that we were having a movie marathon.” “Huh?” “You wanted to have a movie marathon remember?” “Uh huh…” 

💳 You realised that he stopped listening.

💳 “Are you even listening?” “Look I really don’t have time for this can you stop bugging me!” “Oh sure.” 

💳 Mammon had done this before but he had never snapped at you like that, usually he’d have asked for you to reschedule but you didn't stick around long enough for him to ask that instead you disappeared from the room and he left a couple of minutes later.

Mammon was pretty much hopeless when it came to figuring out that he had done anything wrong, he did however realise that things had changed, you didn’t wait for him before heading off with Beel in the morning, you didn’t talk to him past relaying information that someone had told you but everything came to a head when a a movie that you had both been waiting for nd you didn’t say anything to him.

He rushed into your room with his DDD in hand waving it enthusiastically “(Y/N) it’s finally out!” He yelled excited as he pushed the phone in your face.

“I know.” You answered voice flat as you turned back to your own phone Devilgram open as you continued to scroll.

“You knew?” He asked. “We should go see it!”

“You have time for that?” You asked.

“What are ya talking about?” He asked.

“Of course you don’t remember it, because it doesn’t matter to you, I don’t matter to you.” You voice rose in volume as you finally looked at him.

“Of course ya matter to me!” Mammon threw his hands up in the air.

“Didn’t feel like that last week, if I remember right the most important thing to you was going to a new casino.” You glared as attempted to reach out for your phone, Mammon was quicker than you were taking your phone and putting it in his back pocket before making you look at him.

“That’s what yer talkin’ about?” He asked “of course I care about ya, I shouldn’t have said the things that I said that day, I just owed a witch a debt and she was gonna take this.” He gestured the bracelet that you had given him “if I didn’t pay up, somethin’ about the emotional value.” 

“What?” You asked.

“I’m sorry.” He dropped to his knees pressing his forehead to your stomach and luckly for him you couldn’t resist him when he was like this, you gently placed your hand in his hair massaging his scalp.

“Just explain everything next time, maybe I could have helped you.” You mumbled but he didn’t say anything he just pulled you closer wrapping his arms around your waist.

Leviathan 

🎮 Levi could be very single minded when the time called for it, most of the time it was when a new game came out but most of the time you were the one that could get him to put the controller down for a second to come and eat something or have a shower.

🎮 A new game had come out and you knew that he had been waiting for it for a long time so you decided that instead of asking him to stop playing, you decided to bring his food to him, you had managed to convince Lucifer to leave him be just for today so now all you needed was to give him the food that you had.

🎮 “Levi!” “Go away!” “Levi I have some food for you, I just-” “I really need to concentrate on this boss!” “Yeah I know, I just brought you something to eat.” “I don’t care just put it down and go away!” 

🎮 You did as you were told opening the door and putting the food on the closest stable surface before leaving without a word.

🎮 Now Levi wouldn’t know what to do after this, he’d know that he’d done something wrong but that’s as far as his understanding went.

🎮 He didn’t actually do anything until one day he went to pester Mammon for the money that he owed him and he told him that he wouldn’t be paying him back until he fixed things with you.

🎮 He honestly thought that it was going to blow over in time but the conversation with Mammon made everything else click into place, you hadn’t been to his room or check up on him in days.

Levi carefully approached your bedroom door, he lingered there for a second before knocking “come in.” He heard you call from the other side of the door. He walked into the bedroom and he looked around it, took a little while to find you buried under your blankets, he walked over and crouched in front of you scratching the back of his head.

“You wanna come play games with me?” He asked, after searching his mind for anything to say that was all that he could come up with

“No.” You answered finally and he sighed.

“I didn’t think that would work.” He mumbled more to himself than to you.

“Then what are you doing here?” You asked, he could see that you were trying to look angry but you just looked sad and he hated that he was the one that made you feel that way.

“I came to fix it.” He answered.

“Fix what?” You asked.

“You know what.” He whined “I know what I said was wrong and that I hurt you, I never meant to! You know I’ve been waiting for that game for so long and I just… Just…” 

“Got tunnel vision.” You supplied for him before covering your head over and curling in on yourself. “I shouldn’t be your second thought, what would have happened if I was hurt or I really needed your help?” 

“I know, I’m sorry, I promise that I’ll try and do better, but I would understand if you didn’t want to be with a stinky otaku like me.” His voice and movements became less violent as his sentence progressed, he had started grappling at the blanket but now he was just drawing patterns, you moved the duvet so that your eyes were peaking out and finally got a good look at his face, he was panicking, you could see the genuine fear that he was losing you so you sat up, you turned to face him crossing your legs, his eyes seemed to light up a little as you finally looked him in the eye.

“You better try.” You pointed at him, you finally smiled when the blush took over his cheeks and he looked at the floor scratching the back of his head. “And what have I told you about putting yourself down like that?” 

“It’s true I-” 

“You made a mistake, things like this happen and they will continue to happen as long as you learn from them then we can always find a way to work it out.” You promised.

“Really?” He asked.

“Mm.” You hummed putting your arms out for him to climb into, you eventually readjusted so that you were both on the bed properly where you both stayed for the rest of the night.

Satan 

🐈 Most people had no idea what how you managed to tame the fourth born considering you clear differences, you were a lot happier and laid back then he was, you dressed cuter than him and openly swooned over cute things.

🐈 Lucky for you Satan secretly loved cute things and so most of the time you were the answer to defusing a situation and Lucifer had thrown you into a room with him on more than one occasion when things went badly.

🐈 There were however some times that there was no return and this was one of those times, Satan’s day had been inconvenience after inconvenience and all he wanted was to go back to his room where it would be quiet.

🐈 You looked up the moment that he came in you started talking but it was all like white noise to him and he frowned pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose.

🐈 “Stop talking.” “What?” “You’re being rather annoying sometimes it would pay for you to grow up.” 

🐈 You didn’t even know what to say, you stood up grabbing your bag and walking around him.

🐈 For the first time it seemed like you might be afraid of him, your head was down and you were tightly gripping your bag strap and while he should have stopped you but instead he mumbled a simple ‘thank you’ before the door closed.

Satan had managed to calm down after a couple of hours and the first thing that he figured he should do was apologise to you so he took a deep breath before heading to your room, he knocked on the door and after a second he heard you call for him to come in. Satan walked into the room and for a second he couldn’t figure out what was wrong. “Something changed in here.” He mumbled as he looked at you.

“I took your advice and grew up, you were right, I can’t really get rid of my clothes until I can buy some new ones.” You explained and you looked at the demon, his eyes widened now he realised, all the teddies that you had on your bed or on the shelves were gone.

“Where did you put them?” He asked.

“I’m going to throw them out.” You answered as you gestured the corner of the room where everything was stuffed into the black bag, he walked over to the bag and picked it up tipping everything on to the floor. “Satan what are you doing!?” You rushed over to try and stop him but he just grabbed you around the waist pulling you into him.

“I’m fixing the problem I created.” He answered softly pressing a kiss to the top of your head as he picked up the first cat plushie and held it out in front of him “I’m sure this one was on the bed.” 

“No.” You laughed “that was on the shelf over there.” You pointed to the shelf above the desk and he smiled before walking over and putting it back on the shelf.

“Pass me the rest of them.” He encouraged and you frowned before picking up a few of the others and started to hand them to him, he watched you and it still seemed that something was bothering you. “What are you thinking about?” 

“You said that you wanted me to grow up.” You reminded him and he put the last plushie on the shelf before turning to face you.

“I never meant that, I let my anger get the best of me, the day was far more stressful then I wanted and when I got home I said some things that I shouldn’t have, I never wanted you to change, I look forward to seeing you.” He smiled as he gently run his thumbs over his cheeks.

“But-” 

“Forget what I said, do you want to get rid of them?” He asked.

“No.” You answered as you looked at the floor.

“I want you to do what ever you want to do, so promise me that you will only get rid of this stuff if you want to.” He pleaded. “I’m sorry that I said those things to you and I promise you that I will never say anything like that to you again.” 

Asmodeus

💅 Asmo was often so consumed in himself that he never really managed to say anything to hurtful to you but there were still times no matter how rare they hurt every time.

💅 You were dating the demon sin of lust so the comments you took to heart were the ones about your looks.

💅 You were looking through clothes for a night out in the next couple of days but he seemed to be getting frustrated as he shook his head to each carefully put together outfit.

💅 Unfortunately it seemed that his patients run out and that frustration was turned on you.

💅 “We can try again tomorrow if you want.” “We wouldn’t need to if you face would just fit, maybe some make up…” “My face?” “Or is it your body.” 

💅 Asmo didn’t even hear you leaving the room and you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him that you were going, once you were back at your room you scrolling through all of your pictures to see what you thought needed to be fixed and then finally looking up videos for the quickest way to fix them, whether that be make up or a strict diet.

Asmo noticed that you were doing something different but he didn’t realise anything was wrong until the night you went out, it was after you had gotten home, he took you back to his room “you can just stay here tonight.” His room was closer to yours and you had already taken your heels off because your feet were hurting.

“Okay…” You smiled as you followed after him, he had given you a set of close to get changed into and ushered you off to the bathroom to get changed. Asmo frowned when you came back out.

“You forgot about you make up… Come over here I’ll take it off.” He smiled softly gesturing the chair in front of his vanity.

“No no it’s okay.” You shook your head.

“It’s going to ruin your skin if you leave it on sweetheart come here.” He ordered but it only took a moment for him to realise something, you had been making a lot of changes and most of them directly effected your appearance, he dean’t even know why but his mind switched back to the comments he had made leading up to this night. Asmo took your hands and ulled you in front of his full length mirror “is this about what I say the other day?” 

“It doesn’t matter I look better now right?” You asked and he frowned pressing his forehead to your shoulder and blinking away the tears gathering in his eyes.

“The girl standing in front of me is infact pretty, I love her make up and outfit from tonight but you know what’s beautiful?” He asked and you shook your head as you waited for him to talk. “The girl underneath all of that, she was the girl that showed me that perfect meant all of your imperfections to, the girl that would change anything for me if I asked, I want her.” He handed you a make up wipe nad smiled softly “will you show her to me?” 

“Are you sure?” You asked.

“Positive.” He nodded as he wrapped his arms around you tighter, hewatched as you wiped away the make up from the night and he smiled as he saw your face free of make up for the first time in a couple of days. “There she is.” 

“Stop.” You mumbled as you tried to wiggle out of his hold but he didn’t let you go instead he turned you to face him.

“I’m sorry, I never meant any of the things that I said and I will never say anything like that again, I love you the way that you are and I don’t ever want you to change anything.” He said, eyes looking straight into yours, his fingers held your chin to stop you from looking away from him, you nodded and he pulled you back over to the bed wrapping himself around you and pressing a kiss to your temple. “Get some rest, we’re having a spa day tomorrow.” 

Beelzebub

🍫 Beel honestly would never snap at you for something that you had done he loves you too much for that.

🍫 Even still when he didn’t understand something he became very frustrated and frustration was usually the reason that he lashed out in any way.

🍫 Beel snapping at you had nothing to do with you actually, he and Belphie had a disagreement, you didn’t really know what it was about but when Beel came to rant about Belphie you tried to take in as much information as you could.

🍫 You suggested apologising and that unfortunately seemed the make it worse.

🍫 “Why should I apologise?” “Well it seems like a misunderstanding maybe if you apologise you can put it behind you.” “That’s stupid! Your stupid!” “Well I’m just trying to help.” 

🍫 He left the room after that probably to find some food, not that you followed him to find out.

🍫 Beel is very emotionally intellegent so when he had finally calmed down (after eating everything in the fridge) he realised that what he had said to you wasn’t very nice and that he needed to apologise but he had eaten everything in the house.

🍫 He decided to go buy your favoruite snacks and then apologise with the peace offering in hand.

Beel careful opened your door, he could see the lump in the covers and assumed that was you “(Y/N)?” He asked softly, he saw you moving under the covers but you didn’t say anything, he walked around to the other side of the bed to see if he could see your face and his heart broke when he saw the tear tracks down your face. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier, it wasn’t very nice but I bought you some things to say sorry.” He started to pull out all the food that he had bought, he hadn’t even eaten any of it. Beel stopped when he heard you giggle.

“Beel you didn’t have to do all this, you didn’t even say anything that bad.” You smiled as you sat up.

“Then why are you crying?” He asked.

“Oh I just realised how sad you were because you snapped at me, I was just sad that you were sad is all.” You answered honestly and his widened as he moved the food before literally picking you up out of the bed and then sat down himself before wrapping himself around you cocooning you in his warmth.

“I promise that I’ll fix everything with Belphie.” You could literally hear him talking but you squirmed around until you were facing him and smiled.

“I want you to fix things with Belphie because you want to, not because of me.” You siad softly “it will mean more if you want it.” 

“Mmm.” He hummed.

“You don’t need to do it tonight, we can revisit it tomorrow.” You suggested and he seemed to relax a little more at that suggestion. “How about we just eat everything that you bought?” 

“Really?” He asked as his eyes moved to the bag that he had left on the floor. You leaned over to grab the bag, his arm looped around you to make sure that you didn’t fall off the bag.

“Here what should we start with?” You asked settling back so that you back was pressed against his chest and he leaned forward resting his chin on your shoulder. You spent the rest of the night feeding him food as you talked about anything and everything.

Belphegor

💤 Belphie was easy to aggravate, it didn’t take much for him to get annoyed and as a result is was the one that was most likely to snap at you should the occasion arise.

💤 Belphie’s way of dealing with a problem was to ignore it until it went away but that was the problem that you were addressing, Lucifer had asked you to make sure that Belphie completed all of his homework before he went to sleep.

💤 His grades had been slipping purely because he feel asleep before he could actually complete any work given to him, he knew everything that he needed but he just had to prove that he knew it.

💤 You decided to head over to see him after school, you figured that was the best time to find him awake and you were right, so you got to work on making sure that he did everything that he needed to.

💤 “You can’t just ignore it, it’s not going away.” “Can’t you just do it for me?” “Why would I do 2 sets of homework?” “Whatever.” “Ignoring it is only going to make it worse.” “Maybe if I ignore you, you’ll go away.” “You want me to go?” “If your not going to help me then go away.” “Fine.”

💤 You left after that, popping into Lucifer to tell him the task that he had given you was not going to be completed and he gave a sigh before nodding in understanding and relieving you of the task.

💤 Belphie woke up sometime during the evening and Beel was laying on his bed scrolling through his phone as he ignored his brother.

“What’s your problem?” He asked.

“You’re an idiot.” Beel said before turning over.

“What the hell are you talking about?” He asked as he sit up, it was then that he saw all of the homework that he still had to do and the events that followed the papers being left on his desk. “Oh.” 

“I had to take food to them, they didn’t even want to eat.” Beel mumbled as he sat up. “You had better fix it.” 

“Yeah yeah.” He waved him off.

Belphie thought that all he needed was to give you some space and you would come back to him when you had called off but after a week of no nap cuddles and midnight kitchen raids (with you and Beel) he realised that this was something that he needed to fix himself so one day he came home before you did and settled in your bed to wait for you. Unfortunately he couldn’t keep himself awake long enough to see you come home but he did wake up when he felt you pull the cover over him. “Where are you going?” He mumbled reaching out and pulling you into the bed back against his chest.

“I have work that I need to do.” You mumbled.

“I’m sure it’s not due for a couple of days.” He dismissed and you rolled your eyes but didn’t say anything more. “I’m sorry, I never meant what I said before. I don’t want to ignore you and I don’t want you to go away.” 

“You don’t?” You asked.

“Did you believe what I said?” He asked sitting up so that he could get a look at your face, you just shrugged.

“I’m just the annoying human your all forced to live with, wouldn’t surprise me if you wanted me to leave.” You mumbled and he frowned.

“No, I’ve never wanted someone to stay more than I want you to stay, I want to nap with you everyday and go on kitchen raids with you and Beel, I don’t ever want to see you leave. You saved me, you are the only person that came to find me and you set me free, and you forgave me after everything that I did to you.” He explained and you looked at him and smiled.

“I would do it all over again.” You affirmed and he looked at them and he smiled.

“See I could never let you go.” He said softly. “Your the only one for me. I really am sorry.” 

“Don’t worry you’ve got time to make it up to me.” You informed him as you turned and cuddled into his chest.

Request Here

[randomshyperson]

Palm Springs - Leigh Shaw

All Works Masterlist

Summary: In Palm Springs, Leigh meets you. The season one finale re-imagined.

Warnings: (+18), smut, cursing, dom!reader, bottom!leigh, explicit language, explicit consent, brief mentions of harassment, fluff, brief rivalry dynamics, hopeful ending.

Words: 5.378K

Notes: My love, @abimess, this is my apologies for you. I kept mistaken "Wanda" instead of "Leigh" at some points in the writing, but it all worked out in the end. I hope you all enjoy the read, this is my first time writing for this character.

//-//

You threw the signed divorce papers against the passenger seat, ignoring the thick tears that welled up in your eyes.

Raising your hand, you turned up the radio and kept driving. Your cell phone started ringing the next moment, but you ignored it. It was probably Bucky or Steve calling to find out where you were after your little outburst at the company fundraiser.

Honestly, it wasn't your fault. You were handling it all very well, but Carol decided it would be a good idea to give you the divorce papers while you were surrounded by your closest friends, and that was the trigger. But now you were driving to Palm Springs, finally taking the damn vacation your ex-wife had put you through so much hell to get, but now, the seat next to you was empty.

It took a few hours to get there, since the complex is in New York, but you didn't care, having spent most of the way trying to understand how you managed to lose a woman like Carol Danvers.

No bags, you ignored the curious look one of the hotel staff gave you as soon as you pulled into the parking lot, smiling slightly as you took off your sunglasses and asked for directions to the front desk.

You frowned slightly as you were almost run over.

"Watch where you're going!" You shouted angrily at the driver, and the woman returned you the same angry look. Great, you've barely arrived and you almost died. This weekend was promising.

Stepping back, you waited for the woman to drive, not failing to give her a wry smile as she passed you. After this, you walked to the reception desk, and the area was quite full, which was normal for a weekend.

"Reservation in the name Danvers." You said to the receptionist after the greetings. He smiled as he checked the information.

"Valentine's suite, I see." He commented cheerfully. "Shall I prepare a second key for your partner?"

"It's just going to be me, buddy." You grumble, ignoring the uneasy feeling in your stomach. The man smiles awkwardly, but doesn't apologize.

After checking in, you go up to the third floor.

The room makes you sigh with disgust, the flowers and chocolates give you a headache. It takes ten minutes to find a chambermaid and ask her to remove all the decorations.

While your room is being cleaned, you decide to buy something to wear, since you didn't bring anything to spend the weekend at the hotel.

"Good morning." You mumble the greeting as you enter the gift store, your gaze wandering around.

"How can I help you, dear?" The saleswoman asks politely, smiling at you.

"I need something to wear for the two days I'm staying. It was a last-minute trip." You tell her, and the saleswoman looks surprised, but doesn't comment.

The woman eventually showed you the summer shirt section, and you sighed softly as you looked through the options. She walked away to attend to another customer, and you left your attention to the clothes.

A moment later, you picked out a few pieces and turned to talk to the saleswoman, only to run into the woman who had almost run you over earlier looking at the book section.

"You again." You let it slip not so low, attracting the woman's attention. She frowns for a second, and then she recognizes you. But before she can say anything, the saleswoman is speaking.

"Oh, you two know each other already?" She asks excitedly. "It's amazing how we can find friends here in Palm Springs isn't it?"

"We're not friends." You both inform at the same moment, and you squeeze your eyes shut slightly. The woman straightens her posture, pressing the book lightly against her chest as you switch the shirts on your arm. The saleswoman's curious expression prompts you to speak.

"Actually, she almost killed me." You say. "It was going to be quite a headline for this hotel. I'd be careful about the people you guys host around here."

The saleswoman looks at you with confusion, while the other woman lets out a dry laugh.

"You're the one who walked across in the middle of the street!" she defends herself. "It's not my fault if you weren't taught how to cross the street in school."

"Oh, so it's the victim's fault now?" You retort and the woman looks at you incredulously. A third customer enters the store and stares curiously at the argument, but the saleswoman is quick to gesture between you, smiling wryly.

"Oh come on, I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding" The saleswoman remarks and you sustain the annoyed look the other woman is casting at you. "There's no need for an argument."

"Of course not." The woman says forcing a smile, but her posture remains aggressive. "We are both civilized adults."

You bite your tongue to avoid another provocation, looking away from the green irises in front of you.

"Of course you are." The saleswoman says smiling, and then her gaze catches the shirts hanging from your forearm and she lets out a light exclamation. "Come on, I can finalize your purchase if that's all, dear."

You turn toward the cashier next, and it is only after you have paid for the clothes and are leaving that you see the other woman again on your way back, but she does not look away from the books to you. You couldn't care less.

//-//

In your room, you can't resist the urge to look at your phone.

Bucky has called five times. And Steve even sent you an email. You sigh weakly, feeling guilty as you catch a glimpse of Tony and Natasha's message notifications.

Your friends didn't care that you started crying in the middle of the meeting you were at because your ex-wife decided to bring a sensitive topic like the end of your five-year marriage to the table, but you were hating yourself for it.

At this point, you didn't even know what you had been crying about anymore. You and Carol had always had a difficult relationship, and since you got married, you began to wonder why you had done it in the first place.

You loved her so much when you first met her, and then everything gradually broke down. The lack of compatibility, the jealousy and possessiveness, and the lack of time. Carol was a soldier in the army, and you were a Shield special agent, and your jobs took up a lot of your schedules. But you knew that this was just another empty excuse. After all, your best friend, Natasha, was also an agent, as was her wife, and they made everything work properly.

Maybe things were meant to happen that way. That didn't mean it didn't hurt.

After taking a shower, you grumble lightly as you realize that you forgot to buy a bathing suit. And well, everything special about Palm Springs was the magnificent pools.

You figured the shorts and top you had would have to fit.

The pools were considerably more crowded than the rest of the hotel, and this was probably due to the current temperature.

You decided to buy a drink before sunbathing, realizing that most of the chairs were occupied.

The bartender was a pretty girl and smiled mischievously at you when her gaze fell on your collarbone exposed by the cut of your shirt, but you just gave her a half-hearted smile. Being newly divorced wasn't exactly the best scenario for flirting.

"What can I get you?" The woman asked as she rested her hands on the counter in front of her. You bit your lip thoughtfully, running your eyes down one of the menus left on the wood.

"Honestly, I don't know anything here." You say. "But I would like something sweet."

It takes a few minutes for her to prepare a drink for you, and you thank her as you accept.

As you sip a drink that tastes like strawberries and condensed milk, you look around the surroundings.

You frown slightly as you recognize the woman from the store, watching her sit in one of the chairs that has just been emptied in front of the bar. She doesn't notice you, but you notice her exposed legs, mentally scolding yourself for doing so.

As you take another sip of your drink, your tongue getting used to the sugary sweetness, a man approaches the stranger in front of you. From this proximity, you can hear the conversation, or rather the small harassment that he was doing.

Rolling your eyes at the stranger's clearly offensive attempt to approach the other woman, you force yourself to get up and walk over to them.

Well, Nat always said that you were a person with a natural talent for theater and you wish she were here now to see the little scene you caused.

Pretending to trip over the sunshade support, you made a sudden movement and knocked your entire drink against the man's collarbone, who let out an exclamation of anger and surprise as he stood up.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" You asked in a falsely guilty tone, forcing an expression of shock. Before he could say anything, you were already grabbing one of the towels left on the little tables beside the chairs and throwing it harder than necessary against the man's face. "Here, honey, clean yourself up."

The man blinked in surprise, and glared angrily at you for a second before muttering "whatever" and turning to leave. When he was already a safe distance away, you turned your face to look at the seated woman.

"Sorry about your book." You speak as you notice that the spilled drink has dripped a little on the pages. "But if you ask me, the ending sucks."

"Thanks, I guess." The woman mumbles not keeping her gaze on you. "I didn't need you to help me, by the way." She adds and you roll your eyes, realizing that the chair next to her got empty after your little commotion. When you sit down, she raises her gaze to you in disbelief.

"Who said I was helping you?" You retort. "I love throwing expensive drinks at strangers."

Your joke elicits a nasal chuckle from the woman, who softens her posture.

"If you want to lose money, I suggest donating rather than wasting it." She teases back and you bite back a smile, shaking your head slightly. When she opens the book again and leans her back against the chair, clearly deciding to ignore your presence, you copy the position, but stand with your arms folded across your chest and close your eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun against your skin.

You are tired from the trip, and eventually fall asleep. When you open your eyes again, the woman is no longer there.

//-//

Since you have napped until the afternoon, there is no chance you will sleep early. You try to distract yourself with television, but most of the programs are pay-per-view and you have probably already exceeded all the limits that a Shield salary can afford, so you decide to spend some time on the activities included in your weekend bundle.

After putting on a shirt to join the lobby, you take the elevator down and step out into the outdoor area, not surprised to find the place as busy as before. The difference is perhaps the lack of children because of the time of day.

You walk toward the bar and roll your eyes slightly when you notice the same man as before being loud and boisterous along with a small group partying near the place. But you ignore them as you sit down on the first stool you find.

"Well, if it isn't my knight in white armor." A female voice comments wryly beside you, surprising you mildly. You look at the woman with a raised eyebrow, but she is looking straight ahead.

"So you expect me to call you a princess? We don't even know each other." You retort in the same tone, and watch the woman bite back a smile, rolling her eyes slightly.

You stand in silence while you order a drink, this time smiling in the same way that the bartender smiles at you. While you wait, you can' t help but look over to the side.

"You know, I think I might need to get your name." You begin in a tone of false seriousness, not knowing why you want to pull conversation with the stranger, but doing it anyway. "Since I need to know who to sue for attempted hit-and-run."

The woman laughs lightly, and as she sets her drinking glass back down on the counter, she turns her body toward you, without getting up.

"The smart thing then wouldn't be to say my name, don't you think?" She retorts with amusement in her voice. "That way I avoid a lawsuit."

You smile in a corner, shaking your head slightly. You lean your arm on the counter, and it takes a moment for her to speak again.

"I'm Leigh."

"No last name so I can't find your ID, right?" You tease and she smiles, licking her lips for a moment. "Well, I won't tell you mine either then." You comment before telling her only your first name, and she laughs lightly. "May I at least know your profession? Or, I don't know, where you're from? I need that information to track you down."

You joke, and Leigh makes a thoughtful expression for a moment.

"I'm from everywhere actually." She says mysteriously. "Because I'm an international jewel thief."

You smile at the mixed tone of seriousness and playfulness in her speech, respecting her right not to want to tell you the truth, and acknowledging the identity she chooses to assume.

"Oh, really?" You ask joining in the joke. "And let me guess, your disguise happens to be as a fashion stylist, right? And you have a red motorcycle and deadly poison hidden in your lipstick?"

Leigh holds back her laughter, nodding.

"I can't confirm any of that information, actually." She says. "After all, a little incident happened and I wasn't able to finish the story."

You laugh at the teasing, taking a sip of your drink. Before the moment of silence lasts any longer, you ask if you can approach. When Leigh consents, you take the seat next to her.

"And what do you do?" she asks as soon as you sit down. You clear your throat lightly.

"I'm a secret agent, actually." You tell her and from the woman's expression, she still believes you are joking. You do not correct yourself however. "Lasers and villains, the whole story."

Leigh smiles, murmuring in understanding.

"And what is a secret agent doing in Palm Springs?" She asks next and you assume a dramatically thoughtful expression.

"I got a hint actually." You reply. "A jewel thief, fugitive from the government. I'm trying to gather information to effect her arrest."

Leigh fakes an expression of horror making you laugh.

"If I see anything suspicious, I'll give you a heads up." She jokes and you smile, enjoying the whole thing. Before you can add anything else, the small group next to the bar let out loud laughter and they attract your and Leigh's attention.

You frown slightly when you witness the guy from earlier whistling at one of the hotel staff, the people with him finding his little scene of harassment funny.

"I guess a drink in the face isn't enough for some idiots." You comment and Leigh sighs mildly. She looks at you at the same moment you look at her.

"Maybe more drinks will be enough."

That's how you end up doing a little mischief that involves distracting the stranger with comments about his muscles while Leigh approaches and manages to get the man's card. When you walk away, after she hands the bartender the hotel ID after ordering a round for everyone at the bar on the stranger's behalf, you were laughing.

"I'm beginning to believe your thief story." You amused comment as soon as you and Leigh reach the trail out of the bar area. She just smiles at your words. You clear your throat next. "I guess I need to show off my secret agent skills then."

Leigh looks at you curiously, but you just smile as you nod in the direction of the gardens.

You walk for a few minutes in silence, and you remember everything you have observed since you arrived at the hotel, and are able to find the small opening in the fence that you saw some staff members pass through in the afternoon.

"Please, milady." You joke as you make room for Leigh to cross the path first, and she rolls her eyes with amusement before doing so.

You end up in some kind of unfinished private garden, but one that is still very pretty.

Perhaps it is an area under construction for some kind of party, as it has a stage set up in the center and some folded chairs scattered about.

Your attention falls immediately to the piano that has also been set up high on the dark stage.

"How did you find this place?" Leigh asks as she looks around, and you walk past her to get on the stage, eliciting a giggle.

"Field study, of course." You reply with false seriousness. " A secret agent never goes anywhere without studying the whole place first."

Leigh murmurs in agreement, deciding to follow you to the stage. You take a seat on the piano bench while she remains standing in front of the organ.

"Do you have any requests?" You ask looking down at your fingers as she studies your face.

"Old Mac Donald had a Farm." She replies and you choke on a laugh.

"And I thought your taste in music was as good as your fashion sense." You tease causing her to raise an eyebrow.

"Is that your way of complimenting what I'm wearing?" She retorts but you just bite back a smile, moving your fingers across the keys.

You decide to play a melody that she may not recognize, but is exactly what you feel you should play.

When the first notes of " Spring - Ludovico Einaudi" echo in the room, Leigh looks at you in surprise, but you just smile.

It takes a moment for her to surround the piano, and to sit down next to you. You continue to play, enjoying the sound and concentrating not to misplay the notes.

When you make a particularly fast movement on the piano, Leigh looks at you impressed, but you just push your shoulder lightly against hers, smiling. Neither of you regains the distance from before, and you continue to play.

When you finish, you are silent for a moment.

"Where did you learn to do that?" She asks in her low, impressed tone as you both look down at your hands on the keys. You sigh slightly, moving your fingers away and placing your hands in your lap.

"I used to play when I was a kid." You reply. "Before I was a secret agent, of course."

Leigh smiles, biting her lips lightly. You look away from the movement, to her hands quickly.

"Let me show you." You whisper as you reach out your hand to hers. When she accepts, you position her fingers on the keys, and then fit your hand on top of hers. "You start like this."

The sound is far from perfect, and Leigh laughs every time she misses a note, so you don't really care.

You stay like this for a few minutes, until you can get her to complete five notes without making a mistake.

"See? You' re almost a pianist already." You comment with a smile, looking at her face. She mimics your movement, and you feel your heart skip a beat from the closeness.

You feel the tension build in the room, but before you can think of doing anything, a male voice is breaking the spell.

"Sorry, but this area is for employees only." Informs the young man from the hotel, seeming slightly embarrassed to interrupt. You and Leigh quickly walk away, standing up and muttering an apology in unison to the guy, who waits until you leave by the trail he guides.

When you reach the entrance to the social area again, the employee closes the gate, waving slightly. You and Leigh exchange amused smiles.

"So... what do you want to do now?" You ask the next moment, wanting to prolong the evening.

"I want to swim." She declares and you frown slightly, then shrug. You nod in the direction of the pools and you exchange a glance before starting to walk.

//-//

At the edge of the pool, you sigh slightly.

You exchange a look with Leigh, standing next to you, and then you laugh softly as you both begin to undress.

You can't resist the urge to look at her, especially since she jumps in first and you catch a glimpse of her body covered only by a bikini. Ignoring your uncompensated heartbeat, you jump into the water next.

It's a good thing the water was cold, because you are feeling your face and body heat up at the way Leigh looks at you.

Trying to lighten the mood, you swim around her, casually meeting her gaze again as she mimics the movement.

You laugh lightly when you realize that you are swimming in circles around each other, and decide to stop. Leigh swims in front of you a moment later.

"Hello, superspy." She greets you almost in a whisper waving her arms to continue on the surface in front of you.

"Hello, international thief." You speak back in the same tone, your gazes locked on each other.

You wonder if she would like you to break the distance, as her gaze has lowered to your lips for a few seconds. But before you can surrender to this urge, she takes a step back.

"I'm cold."

And then she swims away, and you wonder if you have taken the whole thing the wrong way.

Following her a little way back, you look for towels.

//-//

"Which floor are you on?" You ask as you reach the elevators, each with a towel around your body. You watch Leigh tighten her arms against herself slightly.

"Second." She replies half-heartedly, and you nod.

"Let's go together then."

She gets into the elevator first, and after she presses the button, you stand next to her, your back against the wall.

The tension is back the moment the doors close, but after the pool, you find it best not to take any action, not wishing to make Leigh uncomfortable.

You reach her floor a moment later, and when she doesn't leave, you hold your breath.

You risk a corner-of-your-eye glance at her, but she continues to stare straight ahead, sighing slightly.

Trying not to look like a complete mess, you wait for your floor to arrive.

//-//

The way down the hallway is silent, and despite your nervousness, you don't fumble to open your room.

Leigh enters first, and strides into the room as you close the door.

She stops in the center, her gaze scanning around for a moment before returning to you. You hold your breath, and then she lets the set of clothes in her hands fall to the floor.

You bite back a smile, mimicking the movement. Taking a deep breath, you do the same with your towel, and ignore the heat in your cheeks as Leigh's gaze descends to your body covered only by your underwear.

She removes the towel at your waist next, and you stare at her exposed legs for a moment before moving slowly toward her.

You smile shyly as you stop in front of her, and it takes a second for you to slowly lift your fingers to touch her, tracing the outline of her arm and watching her skin shiver.

"Everything okay?" You ask softly raising your gaze from where your fingers were touching to her eyes. Leigh sighs, shaking her head in agreement. You give her a short smile, placing your hand on her cheek, and watching her lean into the touch slightly. "Use your words." You ask in a whisper, your other hand repeating the motion of your fingers from before, even more slowly.

"Y-yes." She confirms half breathlessly. "And you?"

"Yes." You say, your hand reaching for the strap of her bikini. "I'm going to kiss you now, Leigh."

She nods in understanding, sighing heavily. You didn't correctly calculate how attracted you were to her, because the moment your lips touched, you felt your head spin and it was hard not to push her against the bed immediately.

You both sigh against the kiss, and you slide your tongue into her mouth next, your hand on her face running down to her neck, deepening the kiss even more.

Leigh seems hesitant to touch you for the first second, but then she gasps against your tongue, and brings her hands to your shoulders, bringing one of them up to the back of your neck and scratching the skin, making you sigh.

With the hand that was on the bikini strap, you use your fingers to pull the strap down, and with the other hand you repeat the movement on the other side. When the bikini falls to the floor, your hands go down to her waist, and you pull her toward you.

Leigh gasps at the contact of your breasts bumping together, breaking the kiss with a wet sigh, and you take the opportunity to move your mouth down her collarbone, enjoying the sounds you manage to get out of her whenever you bite her sensitive skin softly.

You lean against her to lower your kisses to her breasts, and when your mouth finds the hardened nipple, she arches her back, closing her eyes as her fingers force your head forward against her breast.

"Oh." She moans as she feels you suck on her nipple, your other hand moving up to give her other breast due attention, your fingers playing with the tip. " Oh, fuck, that feels good."

You smile against her skin, feeling your core tighten with the sounds you are tearing out of her.

When your hand on her waist moves down to her ass, squeezing the flesh and pressing Leigh's hips against yours as your mouth continues on her breast, she moans loudly as she throws her head back, shuddering against you.

It's enough to make you lose control. You need to know how she tastes.

Gasping, you move your kisses down again, and Leigh holds her breath as you get down on your knees.

You kiss her thighs first, while your hands pull down the fabric of her panties.

When the fabric falls away completely, you swallow dry, your gaze glazed on the exposed intimacy of the woman in front of you, your mouth salivating to taste her.

"I-I'm gonna fall." She comments shyly, and you notice how her knees are already shaky. You take a deep breath, forcing yourself to stand up.

You take Leigh by the hand to your bed, and she stands there, making you smile. You move forward against her mouth again, and she sighs, almost losing her balance from the intensity.

"Lie down." You ask between one kiss and another, making her moan softly. "Spread your legs for me."

Leigh gasps against your lips as you slip your fingers through her folds for a moment, before pulling away until she obeys. You bite your lips as you watch her lie down.

Before you join her, you remove the rest of your clothes. Leigh's cheeks redden, but you give her no time to register this, climbing onto the bed with your knee between her legs and kissing her again.

As she begins to squirm beneath you for more friction, you move your kisses down her body.

She closes her eyes when your mouth is at the level of her belly, breathing hard.

When your tongue touches her pussy, you both moan loudly. You are amazed at how wet and hot she feels, the taste filling all your senses. And Leigh bites her lips to stop herself from moaning out in pleasure when your tongue begins to move against her clit, sucking and licking her devotedly and making her whimper.

"F-fuck." She moans breathlessly, her hips thrusting into your mouth. "Yeah...right there... don't stop..."

You lift your hands to her thighs, holding her open. Your own intimacy pulsing from the way Leigh is surrendered to you and the sounds she gives you.

Keeping the strokes of your tongue as deep as you can and being sure to press your clitoris in return, you feel her pussy tighten and Leigh's body begins to quiver in spasms.

"I-I'm... close... fuck..." she begins to whimper disconnected words, long moans escaping her throat. It takes only two more strokes for her to come on your tongue, her moan loud enough to be heard in the next room, but neither of you care.

You drink all of her cum, enjoying the taste and feeling on edge, without even having been touched yet.

Moving up your kisses again, you deposit slow kisses against Leigh's skin, waiting for her to recover from her own orgasm.

When you reach her mouth, she kisses you back with the same intensity.

You just know you're not going to sleep early tonight.

//-//

When you wake up, your bed is empty. You are surprised by this, really.

The night was very good. Much better than any one-night stand you have ever had.

After getting dressed by finding your articles of clothing, you walk to the front desk.

It takes a few minutes to find Leigh, and you frown when you realize from the bag in her hands, the documents, and the car key that she is leaving.

"Wow, you weren't even going to leave a note." You tease as you catch up with her. She is startled by your sudden presence, but forces a smile.

"Look, I'm sorry..." she starts but you shake your head.

"No need." You interrupt by putting your hands in your pockets and shrugging. "It was just one night after all."

"Yes." She reaffirms what you say, staring at you. You hold her gaze, and a long minute later she sighs. "No, it wasn't."

You swallow dryly, watching her. She seems conflicted about something, her expression going from worried to guilty in a few seconds, and then she takes a deep breath and shakes her head before looking at you again.

"I can't." She says, and you sigh lightly. "I just... can't."

"It's okay." You decide to say, ignoring the way your stomach is flipping with nervousness or your heart is racing. "We are civilized adults, aren't we?"

Leigh smiles, and you watch her eyes water for a moment before she quickly hides her emotion. You feel the same way.

" This is a goodbye." Leigh says next, and you look away to the floor, nodding in understanding.

"Goodbye, Leigh. It was nice meeting you." You say as you look at her again, forcing a smile even though your eyes are watering.

She smiles, approaching to kiss your cheek close enough to your lips to make you shiver. She doesn't pull away immediately, raising her mouth to the height of your ear, she whispers "I left a note." and before you can understand what has been said to you, she is gone.

It is only at the end of the day, many hours after she has left, and you are already inside your car that you rummage in your pants pocket looking for the car key that you find the note.

It is a piece torn from the page of the book "Unmoored in milan", the paper stained with drink. In the corner, in cursive letters it is written. "to my favorite secret agent. Leigh Shaw, Los Angeles."

You smiled at the words, and as you were driving back to New York, you wondered how long it would take Natasha to find out Leigh's phone number.

//-//

Tag list> @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia

@mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch / @idek-5 // @myperfectlovepoem // @HELLOALYCIA // @ENSORCELLME // @AIMEZVOUSBRAHMS // @drpepperobsessed // @sighsam // @olsensnpm

// @sxfwap // @table57

[callioope]

I'm this close to finishing the first draft of my rebelcaptain fencing AU... yes, I know I've been saying that since NaNoWriMo 2020. My new year's resolution for 2023 is to finish and post it!

In the meantime, here's a brief summary, a link to the snippet from chapter one, and a snippet from chapter two.

Description: A rising star in youth fencing, Jyn Erso was once on track to become an Olympic-level athlete. But then, age 16, she quit unexpectedly. Her break from fencing unraveled her life. Three years later, she still refuses to discuss the subject, even with her father, a former Olympic medalist, and her best friend, Bodhi, who’s just returned from competing in the Olympics. It’s fine, it’s working – until she meets Cassian Andor, the kindest, most interesting person she’s ever met. Except for one problem: he’s also an Olympic-level fencer. 

Excerpt from chapter two:

Jyn crosses her arms and waits. She’s elbow to elbow with strangers in the crowded cafe she and Bodhi chose for their weekly lunch. It’s not normally this popular, but it seems the dreary weather has convinced everyone and their mother that a cup of soup sounds quite nice.

Sighing, she glances over her shoulder, towards the filled seating where Bodhi has aggressively commandeered a table. He waves when she catches his eyes. She smiles back, but then looks past him, at the gray sky and gathering water droplets on the windows. 

The days trudge along, minutes dragging like hours. It’s been two weeks since she scampered like a coward from Cassian’s home, from a well-cooked meal, from hope and possibility. Sometimes, she thinks she sees him passing on the street or in the hallway, and she ducks into an alcove or a classroom. Saw would be ashamed. That thought does nothing to help, merely reminds her why she’s in this mess in the first place. 

“Order for Erso!” 

She jolts back to the present, sees an employee place their order on the counter: a tray for Jyn’s meal, a tray for Bodhi’s, and two drinks. If only Bodhi hadn’t needed to stake out a table; now she’s stuck trying to balance it all.

“You seem like you’re carrying a lot.”

Turning, she sees her English professor. “Hi, Professor Malbus. My friend went to save a seat.”

He nods. “Chirrut’s doing the same.”

“Well, it’s good to see you.” Jyn moves towards the seating area, but her professor keeps talking.

“While you’re here,” he starts. It sounds ominous, and it occurs to Jyn that had her food been called just twenty seconds earlier, perhaps she could have avoided this conversation entirely.  “I wanted to talk to you about your last paper.”

“Oh.” Yeah, bad feeling justified. 

“I appreciate you handing it in early,” he says. The writing takes her mind off things. “But it seems a little rushed. You still have time before the deadline, if you want to take another stab at it.”

His phrasing pierces her a little more pointedly than he probably realizes. Am I really this sensitive to it after all this time? What doesn’t help is that she’d actually spent quite a bit of time mulling over that assignment. 

“Of course, professor.” 

He frowns. “I’m sorry — you’re busy. Let’s talk it over in my office hours next week.”

“Thanks.”

Her steps might be a little heavier as she leaves the counter area and winds her way through the seating, but at least she’s pretty sure they wouldn’t qualify as outright stomping. 

At least this day couldn’t possibly get any worse.

Midway through the seating, she realizes she has no idea where she’s going, and she looks around again for Bodhi.

And instead, she finds Cassian.

Never think it can’t get worse, she reminds herself.

In fact, Cassian is, for some reason, talking to Bodhi, so at least she’s succeeded in locating her final destination. 

She stands there staring for far too long, other customers bumping past her, until Cassian glances away from Bodhi just for a second, just long enough to accidentally meet her gaze. 

She wonders if she looks as caught off guard as he does. 

Bodhi follows Cassian’s gaze. “Oh, finally!”

His words jumpstart her mind, and she covers the remaining distance between them. 

During that time, her mind screams, “How the hell do you two know each other!”

But instead, she says, “Sorry for the wait.”

“It’s fine,” they both answer her, although Cassian’s sounds a little less sincere.

All three of them frown. Bodhi and Cassian glance back and forth between each other and her in confusion.

Slightly faster on the uptake — she did have a split second advantage — Jyn places Bodhi’s food in front of him, all the while avoiding the intensity of Cassian’s gaze. “So,” she says, staring at her seat but not getting into it, “how do you two know each other?” 

“I — we — what?” Bodhi says. He shakes his head as if to shake his thoughts loose. “He’s our bronze medalist in epee.” 

Jyn’s eyes widen, but it shouldn’t be that shocking. She had remembered he’d taken gold at that Junior Olympics all those years ago. Just because she left fencing behind didn’t mean everyone did. Bodhi, after all, had stuck with it.

Before she can respond, Cassian says, “Wait, how do you two know each other?”

Both Jyn and Bodhi hesitate. And then Bodhi sends Jyn a look that somehow manages to be both apologetic and defiant, and says, “We used to train together under Saw Gerrera.”

Cassian meets her wide-eyed gaze with his own. “You’re… Jyn Erso?”

Sighing, she settles into the seat next to Bodhi. “Yeah.”

“Fuck.”

“Wrong f-word.”

His gaze bores into hers, like he’s trying to figure her out. She thinks — she hopes — that maybe he has enough information to understand why she ran, since she hasn’t been able to find the words to explain it. 

“Well…” he finally says. “I should go.”

“No one’s going anywhere,” Bodhi says, and they both jerk guiltily toward him, “until we get to the bottom of this.”

That wasn’t the line, Jyn thinks inanely. But Bodhi thinks as fast as either of them, maybe faster, and apparently has no need to ask the same question a third time.

When he doesn’t continue, Jyn says warily, “There’s no … bottom… Bodhi…”

“Yes, there is, and you both are stuck in it.” 

She looks down at her food, pokes her salad with her fork.

“It’s fine,” Cassian says. “You don’t need to—”

“Sit!”

Startled into compliance, Cassian sits. Despite everything, Jyn smirks. Cassian, it would seem, is less familiar with Bodhi’s determined “I will aggressively logic you into happiness” routine. It really only works because disappointing him is literally the worst feeling in the world, worse even than losing a fencing bout had been, once upon a time. And that’s really saying something because she wasn’t the most gracious loser.

“You’re miserable,” he starts, pointing at Jyn with his own fork, “because you haven’t seen that photographer chef since that date two weeks ago. You know, the one where you were all, ‘this is the best date I’ve ever been on’…”

“Whoa.” Jyn’s eyes dart nervously between Bodhi and Cassian. “I didn’t say it like —”

“And you’re miserable,” Bodhi says, turning to Cassian, “because the last date you went on, two weeks ago, the awesome writer undergrad you met left early and hasn’t returned your calls.”

“If she’s not interested,” Cassian says, without looking up from the table, “that’s not her fault.”

Jyn winces like he just thrust his sword into her heart. 

Of course, it would seem that she’d struck him first.

[dilfdoctordoom]

On Tom Taylor, the Current Nightwing Run & Ableism

I did mention I was gonna do a post about it, so here we are. There are some things I want to make clear before we begin: the issue exploded on Twitter on the very first day of disabled Pride month; disabled people have been discussing the ableism in Taylor’s Nightwing run since it began; nobody has blamed Taylor for what happened to Barbara in 2011. We are, however, blaming him for the way she is written in his series during 2021. 

I am also going to be discussing the ableism in the fandom in this post. The reactions I have seen, from here to Twitter to TikTok, are showing not only a great misunderstanding of the situation, but a purposeful misunderstanding. The very real reasons disabled people are angry right now have been twisted to make us seem ridiculous and overly sensitive and I cannot help but feel that is very intentional.

Another quick addition: disabled people are not a monolith. Barbara Gordon spent over 20 years as a paralyzed wheelchair user. Stating (and I would like to note, never truly showing) that she is a part time cane user now is still erasing her disability. These things are not interchangeable.

So, with that out of the way, let’s begin.

Tom Taylor’s run is ableist. That is a fact of this situation. He made the active choice to include a version of Barbara Gordon that is ableist caricature. Story wise, the role that Barbara plays could have easily been filled by anyone else. There is no real season, within the narrative and outside of it, for Taylor to include this version of Barbara Gordon, who has received a decade of criticism from disabled people. It’s very well known that this iteration is problematic, to put it kindly, and Taylor is aware of that. 

He made the active decision to include her, anyway, showing, at the very least, that he is passively, if not actively, ableist. Passive ableism is still ableism and disabled people are allowed to take issue with that.

That alone is reason enough for disabled people to be angry. But that’s not why things exploded on Twitter.

On July 1st, the very first day of disabled pride month, the new design for Barbara was dropped. After months of teasing Barbara’s return to a wheelchair using Oracle (see: Last Days of The DC Universe, Batgirl (2016), etc), they debuted... a new Batgirl costume that the artist has openly said draws inspiration from the Burnside suit.

There’s a lot of issues to unpack here, so let’s start small: the issue with consciously calling back to Burnside. The Burnside era of Batgirl stories was... beyond awful. The villain of the series’ first arc, was an AI based on Barbara’s brain patterns when she was disabled. It was evil because of all the rage and pain Barbara felt. The actual Barbara, on the other hand, was good -- because she was able bodied. Because her PTSD had been tossed aside. It was a horrifically ableist era that drove the idea that Barbara’s life was terrible when she was disabled; that it was some horrible, twisted secret.

Comics have kept that narrative going. Barbara is seen hiding books on chronic pain; she reacts aggressively to the mere idea that she could be in a wheelchair again, acting like it would be weakness. Whereas Barbara had once been Oracle not because of, but in spite of, her disability, who was fantastic representation for the disabled community, she now acts like it is the most shameful thing in her life.

To call back to Burnside is to call back to that ableism and make no critique of it. If anything, it’s to embrace the ideas of that era.

There is also the design itself to consider. Many people have pointed out the inclusion of a back brace, as if that saves it from ableism -- it does not. Any person who has ever worn a back brace can take one look at this design and know that they did not consult a disabled person. Hell, by how impractical that thing is, I doubt they even Googled a picture of a back brace.

It’s a superficial acknowledgement that Barbara is supposed to be disabled. Something that was apparently thrown in to appease the numerous complaints of Barbara being able bodied; something that no one working on it put any effort into.

When it comes to aids, this is not a new thing for Barbara in Infinite Frontier. She’s said to be using a cane occasionally, that we got a better look at in Batman: Urban Legends, and as any cane user can tell you... that is not a cane that could feasibly be used. It’s another pathetic attempt to acknowledge that Barbara is supposed to be disabled, without actually doing anything of importance.

[IMAGE ID:  A segmented cane with a tri-pointed handle with a wrist strap. There is a stripe across the sections to connection them, labelled “solar battery charger buttons”. The text reads: “telescoping antenna doubles as cane or weapon if needed”. END ID]

Dropping this design (which we have now established to be problematic) on the very first day of disabled pride month is a sickening move. The very first day, and DC has doubled down on their disability erasure, thrown in superficial things like a back brace to act like it’s fine.

Tom Taylor is definitely involved in this, whether you like it not. No, he is not in anyway responsible for the events of the New 52 and what they did to Barbara Gordon, but that does not absolve him of blame for what is currently being done to her in his run.

When the design dropped, it started trending due to disabled fans reactions. To be clear: we were directly calling out the ableism in this design. This was Tom Taylor’s response:

[IMAGE ID: A tweet from TomTaylorMade that says: “Hey, @Bruna_Redono_F I think our new Batgirl suit is getting some attention.” He then adds a winky face emoji and tags @jesswchen and @drinkpinkkink. Attached are a screenshot showing that Batgirl is trending in the United States and a picture of the design itself. END ID]

This is him, bragging about how the disabled community reacted. Perhaps before this tweet, you could’ve made an argument that he was not ableist, but after he flaunted the fact that disabled people were rightly furious over this, like it was something to be proud of? No. If you are defending him, you are a part of the problem.

Taylor has included ableist writing in his Nightwing run, beyond the inherent ableism that comes with the current iteration of Barbara Gordon (whose inclusion, yet again, is his decision).

[IMAGE ID: A panel from Nightwing #79. Barbara and Dick are standing in his apartment. Barbara is saying: “I have some pretty new technology holding my spine together. I’m happy to do most things -- eat pizza in the park, take down low-level thugs -- but leaping from rooftops seems... unwise.” END ID]

What Barbara says in the panel above has bothered a lot of disabled people. The implication that she couldn’t “eat pizza in the park’ and “take down low-level thugs” without a spinal implant that conveniently erases her disability is... fucked up, to put it mildly. Those are both things that Barbara has done in a wheelchair. The first one is something wheelchair users can do and the implication that it’s not is beyond offensive.

But, let’s leave Barbara behind for a moment. I have previously mentioned that disabled people have been discussing the ableism present in this run long before July -- and that ableism is not only centred on Barbara. Dick is also a player in all this.

Dick Grayson was shot in the head. I don’t believe I need to retread the story, but just in case: Dick was shot in the head by KGBeast, developed amnesia from the event, and went by Ric Grayson for a long enough period in comics. If you have been active within the DC fandom for the past year or so, you know all about this controversial storyline and its fallout.

The Ric Grayson arc concluded itself the issue before Taylor became the writer for the series and ever since his tenure has begun, Taylor has completely ignored the reality of Dick being a disabled man. We understand this is comics, that things do not function the way they do in our world, but still -- it is clear that this gunshot wound to the head has affected Dick massively. We had an entire arc dedicated to how he struggled to find himself in the aftermath.

Taylor is choosing to write Dick as an able-bodied man, despite his canonical injuries and how they would impact his life.

This man is choosing to give empty gestures towards Barbara being a disabled woman (as discussed above, the completely dysfunctional back brace, etc) whilst writing her as able-bodied as possible. He writes both Dick and Barbara as able bodied as humanly possible. That is ableist. He is ableist. This is the same man that said he made a dog disabled ‘in honour of Barbara’. I do not think I need to elaborate on why that is bad.

The least he could’ve done, was get a sensitivity reader. We know that Taylor is not beyond getting people from marginalized communities to consult on his work (see: Suicide Squad), so why, when writing two characters that should be disabled, one that the disabled community have been criticising for a decade, does he not reach out to a single disabled person? A mere Google search could’ve improved the situation massively. In both the new design and the current writing, it is beyond clear that this is not just an able-bodied person writing it -- it’s an ableist person.

He could have listened to the numerous disabled fans that spoke out. Instead, he chose not only to refuse to do that, but to describe justifiable anger as ‘raging’. He treated us like we were crazy for daring to speak out about blatant ableism being parading around of us in our pride month.

Tom Taylor has failed to do the bare minimum and in doing so, he is, at very, very least, guilty of complicity. Again: passive ableism is still ableism.

The argument at hand is not just about Barbara Gordon and the continuing ableism that shines out from her current writing. The argument is about the treatment of disabled characters in his run. It has also become about the way he treats physically disabled people.

We also can’t have this conversation without acknowledging the fandom’s role in it all. I waited a day to write this up, to allow all the reactions to flood in... and I am sickened.

We have everything across the board. Able-bodied people that have actually listened to disabled people, who have supported us (which is deeply appreciated). Able-bodied people who may have had good intentions, but a skewed sense of the situation and perpetuating some of the more insidious lies being spread around (IE. that this is only about the new costume).

There are, obviously, the ableist reactions, though, that we will be discussing here. People deeming the current issues as ‘crazy’, calling disabled people ‘overly sensitive’ and ‘delusional’. Many people have completely glossed over the examples given for why Taylor, specifically, is ableist, and instead have resorted to telling disabled people that we are wrong and should be mad at DC instead.

It’s important to note that Tom Taylor is an adult man. He doesn’t need a fandom to attack disabled people for daring to call him out. He is not the victim in this situation; he has, for quite a few disabled people, been the aggressor.

I have seen claims that Infinite Frontier is a ‘slow burn’, implying that disabled people need to patient... as if we have not waited a decade for less ableist writing. There is a complete refusal from able-bodied fans to actually listen to what disabled people are saying. They would much rather rush to the defence of the (honestly rather mediocre) current Nightwing run. 

Disabled fans know that comic book spaces are ableist. We know that both DC and Marvel and many of their writers are ableist. We are still allowed to be pissed as hell about it and acting like the current reaction being had right now is disabled people being ‘overdramatic’ is yet another example of how the able-bodied side of the fandom both refuses to listen to and undermine disabled people when we call out ableism.

We know it when we see it. We always do and we always will and we will always be able to recognize it far faster than an able-bodied person. If this many disabled fans are coming out and talking about an issue, calling it ableism, then it’s time for you shut up and listen.

Stop being a part of the problem and start supporting disabled fans for once.

[xoxo-teddybear]

He’s Lost - Bakugou Katsuki - Part 1

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings - Angst, Physical Harm, Cursing, accused Cheating, Katsuki’s insecurities

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

A/N: This is my first writing piece but this has been stuck in my mind since v-day is coming up so I had to get it out. Plz enjoy!!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Summary: Y/N is so busy around Valentine’s, her lack of attention towards her Pomeranian is causing him to freak out and do the worst of the worst

Love is in the air! The birds are singing, The breeze is blowing, the setting sun is shining, and the explosive teen is.....well, bruting.

Can you blame him though? Y/N’s been a little distant ever since February started. Even right now, instead of enjoying their time together in a quiet park, she’s staring down at her phone doing who knows what.

Why? Was he not good enough? Has she gotten tired of him? They’ve only been together for a little over a year. Is she talking to someon- no. Katsuki stopped himself from thinking like that. There’s no way his precious teddy bear would ever do that. Not only that, he was the best there is. Why would she even try to go?

“You dumbass. You’re missing this.” Bakugou sighed. “Huh? What? Missing what?” Y/N looked around looking for whatever “this” was until Bakugou grabbed her chin to force her to look him in the eyes. “THIS DUMBASS! US! You’re so focused on that dumb phone. Jeez, can’t a guy just get his girl’s attention.” Bakugou said dramatically.

It wasn’t that Y/N wasn’t giving him attention, it’s that it wasn’t the same. Yea she right there snuggled into his arm. And yea she was petting his hair just the way he liked. And YES, she was peppering his face with kisses from time to time. But it all felt off? Like only half her energy was put into the love and affection.

“Suki, aren’t u being a little dramatic. I’m right here with you baby. I’m sorry if I’ve been a little distracted. Come here dummy.” And as Y/N pulls Bakugou in for a tighter hug all he can do is release a “hmph” while falling into it...until her phone went (ding!) once again. And she went to check it. Once again.

Bakugou was getting tired so he got up and suggested they’d head back to UA. Y/N only got up and began to walk beside him, hand in hand, while still checking her phone time to time. And Bakugou was getting sick of it

*Wtf is she doing on that piece of junk? What could be so important she would half ass our entire evening together? .....Could she possibly be talking to someone else?............no.* Bakugou let those negative thoughts die down as they continued their journey back.

——————————————————————————

A few days later

“COME ON!!” Bakugou screamed as he realeased a blast towards Kirishima. When Bakugou invited him to train, The red head initially thought it was to ...you know..TRAIN. But after some time, the blonde’s best friend began to see the bigger picture.

“Dude. What’s up with you man? We always go full on during training, but it’s not even like you’re trying to hit me. It feels like you’re just taking your anger out on me.” Kirishima said.

“Congrats on noticing shitty hair, I’m glad somebody’s noticing my damn mood.” Weirded out by his friend’s unusual openness, the red head continued to ask.

“So what’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“But you just-“

“NOPE!”

Bakugou exclaimed as he began to gather his stuff to leave the training area. “BAKUGOU!” Kiri shouted. “WHAT!” “.......it’s Y/N isn’t it?”

Upon hearing that, the blonde turned to look at his best friend with this sad puppy dog look. And man, if Katsuki had doggy ears, everyone would see how low they’d go. His best friend didn’t need to see it though, he could tell those ears would be 6 ft under if they were actually there bc there’s nothing hiding Katsuki’s vulnerability when it comes to Y/N. As the two best friends go to sit on the bleachers, Bakugou takes a deep breath before saying his thoughts.

“I think Y/N is cheating on me.”

“................HUH???!!!!”

Kirishima went from “caring and considerate” to “WHATDIDHESAYYY” in seconds. Y/N L/N?? Cheating?? Ok. Y/N was one fiesty girl, and she definitely had sass, power, attitude, and a little mischief, but she also had kindness, compassion, consideration, and honesty flowing though her. Not to mention extreme loyalty. There’s no way.

“Look man, with all due respect, I think you’ve finally lost it.” The red head laughed. “I’m being serious shitty hair.” The blonde stated. “She’s been so distracted lately. She’s always with me but it’s like her mind is also somewhere else. And not to mention that damn phone she’s always on now. She can’t go 30 minutes without checking it at least twice. And not only that, when she does leave to do whatever, she’s gone for hours at a time! What’s a guy supposed to think with all of that?! I mean it’d make sense if she wanted to leave. I get it, I can get loud, and yell, and I get angry a lot but.. she knows I never mean it, right? I call her a dumbass like i do everyone else...ugh but she isn’t just everyone else, she’s my girlfriend and she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.....SO WHY TF IS SHE CHEATIN-“ before the blonde could continue, his best friend cut him off.

“BAKUGOU” “WHAT??!!” “....talk to her.” Kirishima said. “What?” Bakugou asked. Kirishima continued. “Cheating is a real sensitive topic in a relationship. I don’t wanna give my opinion on something that could ruin something amazing. C’mon man, we both know Y/N isn’t like that but who am I to tell you what to do. I wanna help, I do, but I think it’s best if you go to her with all this. Honestly though, if you asked me, Y/N would be the last person I’d ever think of when it came to cheating on ANYTHING. Especially the guy she cares so much about.” And with that last sentence, Kirishima stood up from his spot and pat Bakugou on his shoulder before exiting.

With Bakugou left with nothing but his thoughts and Kirishima’s advice, he left and headed straight towards your room.

——————————————————————————

“Shut up!” You excitingly screamed though the phone. “You really found the last part?”

“Yup, it only took about 6 different stores across the entire city.” Shinsou sarcastically replied. “You owe me.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know and I appreciate it. Katsuki’s gonna love his gift!” You said.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, you’ve been preparing only the best Valentine’s Day surprise for the best boyfriend in the world. You’ve been so busy planning your surprise that I guess you could say you haven’t been giving Katsuki the massive amount of attention he’s used to from you, but you can definitely say it’ll all be worth it when he sees one of his presents that you’ve been working on. A silencer for his gauntlet blasts that not only decreases the volume of his attacks, but also increases his attack power. You remember how Bakugou had vented about his attacks being too loud that they scare people, but when he tried to keep them quiet, the attack isn’t as powerful so saving can be quite difficult. He only spoke about it once, but you could see the look on his face whenever he was out using his quirk around civilians. So why not give him a device that’ll help with his loud little problem. Now were you a support class student who knew how to make support items? Hell no. But were you a loving girlfriend willing to give her man the best Valentine’s Day ever? Hell yeah.

The piece of gear would’ve been easier to make IF it weren’t for a pesky piece of the project getting destroyed by Shinsou after he made Denki electrocute himself while he was right next to your prototype on the table. So to make it up to you, Shinsou went all around town looking for the piece you needed to complete your support item for Katsuki. Finally, all pieces had come together.

“He better. That damn bastard doesn’t know how amazing his girlfriend is. Instead of ignoring his ass these past few weeks, you sent ME to get all this shit for you so you could keep your precious Pomeranian happy.” Shinsou said while rolling his baggy eyes.

As Bakugou approached the outside of your dorm room’s door, he heard your voice.

“You know, you’re so right. That Pomeranian is unaware of just exactly how amazing I am. I really could’ve left whenever but I stuck around.” You snorted. “Well I’m glad I had you with me through it all Shinsou.”

*Pomeranian? SHINSOU?!? Through IT ALL?!?!? YOU WERE WITH THAT PURPLE HAIRED, SLEEP DEPRIVED ASS MIND CONTROLLING FREAK?!?? AND YOU WERE WITH HIM THE ENTIRE TIME YOU’VE BEEN DATING BAKUGOU?!?*

Oh to say Katsuki was pissed was an understatement. He felt all these emotions hitting him all at once. Anger, Disgust, Pain, Betrayal. It all became too much for him before Katsuki ran away from your down with his bed down and silent tears hitting the floor. When he let himself fall to the floor in the privacy of his room he screamed into his hands. His first love, his first real relationship, his teddy bear betraying his love, loyalty, and trust for over an entire year. After hours of crying, Katsuki was able to pull himself into bed. He couldn’t even bring himself to shower even though he spent all that time in the gym with Kirishima. He just wanted to sleep to escape reality. As he looked at his phone, he saw 1 missed call from Y/N, and 1 text saying “Goodnight love💗💥!” Bakugou scoffed at the text. Figuring u must be texting Shinsou the same thing. As Bakugou placed his phone down, an evil thought came to mind. Ruin her.

Bakugou smirked to himself as he had this pyscho and sinister look on his face. He would ruin Y/N. They haven’t officially broken up yet, so he could hurt her just as she hurt him. And Bakugou wasn’t stupid or so he thought he’s aware Valentine’s is coming up, so why not break little Y/N L/N’s heart on a day dedicated to nothing but love and happiness. It’ll be the perfect revenge on a little satin like her. Bakugou finally turned on his side with an evil, satisfied smile, and fat tears in his eyes once more.

——————————————————————————

The next morning, Katsuki got up with a broken heart, but he figured if he wanted his plan to work, he had to fake this smile. Getting up, getting ready, and getting dressed was business as usual, but meeting up with Y/N in the morning was now off the schedule. Instead of going into her room to check on her like he usually does, he just went straight to breakfast and straight to class without speaking to anyone.

With Class 1-A seated and Mr.Aizawa at the head of the classroom, the students can finally start their first lesson of the day. Until, the door slid wide open. There stood an exhausted and quite frankly dishelved Y/N. “My apologies sensei. I was up late last night and overslept. Please forgive me.” Y/N said as she bowed her head in sorry. “Just take your seat L/N.” The tired eye teacher said.

As Y/N walked to her desk, she noticed Bakugou wouldn’t even glance her way. She was a little thrown off since it would be normal for him to at least give her a judgemental look for sleeping in, but no. Nothing.

Bakugou on the other hand was writhing in agony. Oh how he wanted to check on Y/N and make sure everything was fine, but that voice in the back of his head couldn’t help but tell him to ignore her since she’s a cheater. She may have been the girl he’s loved dearest, but she was also the one causing his heart to shatter.

After a few classes, Y/N tried to approach Bakugou several times, but each time he brushed her off. And when the bell finally rang for lunch, you can bet Katsuki was the first one out the door. Y/N followed him of course, in worry and concern.

“Babe! Baby! Katsuuu!!! KATSUKII!” Y/N whined for her boyfriend to at least look at her but once again. Nothing. Bakugou wanted to hug her and hold her tight but he couldn’t. Not after what she’s done. Right before Bakugou entered the cafeteria, Y/N pulled him aside and held onto his wrists.

“Baby? Hey, what’s up with you? I’ve been calling your name and trying to talk to you but you keep brushing me off. You also didn’t stop by this morning. Is something wrong, love?” Y/N was hoping for something. ANYTHING at this point. And it was like the gods heard her prayer because she definitely got....something. “My bad.” The blonde haired boy dryly replied. “....Oh, um, ok suki.” The poor girl just thought her dear boyfriend was having a bad day, so she just left it alone and let him go. But still, even on his worse days he would at least visit her in the mornings. As they sat down with the bakusquad, the entire table noticed how Bakugou sat up and moved across from Y/N after she chose to sit next to him like usual. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, and Kirishima could already feel what had gone down. He at least knew his bro didn’t talk to his girl. Not manly at all.

——————————————————————————

Valentine’s Day

During lunch, Kirishima has finally decided to speak to Bakugou about this whole thing. He hasn’t been getting any updates since their time in the gym, so when it was just him and his best friend having lunch together, he went for it.

“Man what the hell is going on with you and Y/N? I’ve noticed you’ve been avoiding her like crazy,” Kirishima said while stuffing his face, nervous about the answer. “I was right all along.” The blonde sadly spoke. “She’s been cheating on me since the start of our entire relationship. And with that baggy eyed freak from 1-B.”

Kirishima couldnt believe what he was hearing. He almost choked on his food. Y/N was actually cheating. I guess people don’t know people as well as he thought. “.....wow...I’m sorry man.” The red haired friend said. He was at a lost for words and didn’t know what else to say. *sigh* “don’t be. It all goes down tonight.” Bakugou said with a sad smile. “What do you mean?” His friend asked. The blonde looked at him right in his red eyes. “I’m breaking her heart tonight, on the one day of the year dedicated to love.”

Meanwhile

Instead of going to lunch, Y/N spent her time finishing up Katsuki’s surprise in his room. Yeah, he’s been having a bad past few days so why not bring him a smile with these amazing gifts on the day of love. Although Y/N didn’t really feel the love today (due to Katsuki again being so distant and ignoring her “good morning blasty💥💗!” And “Happy Valentine’s Day my love♥️!” Texts) she was determined to make sure Katsuki knew just exactly how much she loved him. She was almost done setting up in his room. Rose petals on the bed, Candles everywhere, 4 different gifts including his new support item made by you, his favorite meal is going to be set here on his table, and you and him together spending every loving second with each other. Y/N didn’t realize that because of her setup, she missed the entire rest of the day. “Meh, so worth it when I see the look on Suki’s face.” Tonight is going to be perfect.....or so you thought.

You didn’t expect to find Katsuki in your room, sitting on the edge of you bed waiting for you with his head hanging low and his shoulders slumped.

*maybe he has a surprise for me....? Yea that has to be it!* Y/N happily thought as she closed the door.

“Suki!! Happy Valentine’s Day!” Y/N said with all the love in her heart as she ran and jumped on the boy for a hug. But Bakugou didn’t say anything. He didn’t move. He just glanced back up at her, giving her this cold stare. Y/N was too busy professing her undying love for her boyfriend to even notice his scary silence. “Suki I’m really glad it’s you who I have in my life,” the love sicken girl bashfully spoke while looking at the ground. “You make me so happy and I feel so blessed being able to spend my life with you in it. I really hope you know just how much I care and lov-“ Bakugou couldn’t listen to this bullshit anymore. He pushed Y/N off of him just before she could say those 3 words that would get him to break.

“Hey! Suki? Why would you do that?!” Y/N exclaimed while standing back up. “I hate you.” The blonde spoke coldly. As those words left his mouth, Y/N heart and world were falling apart. Her eyes went wide open and her jaw slightly dropped. As she was about to say something else, Katsuki cut her off with “I’m breaking up with your dumbass. Right here. Right now!” Bakugou yelled. Y/N was in shock. She felt hurt, pain, she was just feeling so broken.

As tears filled her eyes, she asked “w-why?” as she tried to reach out to him. “Why? WHY?!” Bakugou screamed as he stood up above her slapping her hand away. “THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN WHY, Y/N. YOU’RE A FUCKING CHEATER, THATS WHY!” The blonde yelled in her face. Y/N couldn’t believe it. He thought she was cheating? Why would she even do that? She already has the best person in the world for her so why? “DONT EVEN GIVE ME THAT “it didn’t mean anything, Suki!” BULLSHIT. I DONT GIVE A FUCK, CUZ YOU’VE BEEN CHEATING ON ME AND PLAYING ME FOR A DAMN FOOL THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME!” Bakugou went on as his voice began to crack while tears flowed down his porcelain face. “YOU LIED TO ME. I GAVE YOU MY ENTIRE BEING AND YOU FUCKING LIED. YOU DUMB FUCKING BITCH, I CANT BELIEVE I EVER LOVED A SORRY EXCUSE OF A PERSON LIKE YOU. I HATE YOU SO DAMN MUCH, I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK I SAW IN YOU!” Y/N’s heart hit the ground. No actually, it went 6 ft under because after all that he’s said, her heart is dead. Broken. In agony. “Suki I-“ “DONT FUCKING CALL ME THAT L/N.” Hearing him refer to her with her family name hit so hard. “KATSUKI PLEASE! I DIDNT DO ANYTHING I SWEA-“ as Y/N tried to reach out to him, he interrupted her again and pushed her hand away. “I SAID DONT CALL ME THAT!”

The blonde yelled, except this time....he didn’t only yell. The burning scent of smoke came into his nose and the loud explosion could be heard throughout the building. The product of what he just did came to him. He just attacked the love of his life. As much as Y/N hurt him, Katsuki still loved her with his everything. And the fact that he subconsciously attacked her broke him even more. Y/N’s screams of pain reached his ears, as he looked down and saw his precious teddy bear with a burned arm and fat tears on her face, crying in pain.

Bakugou ran down to her level to try and help her. “Y/N! Hey, hey teddy bear look I’m so-“ Y/N pushed him away before he could continue. “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU BAKUGOU?!” Ouch. His family name felt like poison coming from your tongue. “Princess, I’m sorry I didn’t-“ “SHUT UP AND LET ME SPEAK FOR ONCE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” Y/N screamed as she stood up to face him. “I DIDNT FUCKING CHEAT ON YOU. WHY THE HELL WOULD I DO THAT WHEN YOU’RE THE BEST DAMN THING THATS EVER HAPPENED TO ME?!..ah!” Y/N was cut off by the stinging of her wound, and Bakugou couldn’t do anything but stare. Y/N grabbed onto her wound before continuing. “I love you Bakugou. I wouldn’t even dream about doing wrong by you. I thought I was a good girlfriend or at least a good person-“ Bakugou quickly interrupted “No! Y/N you are, I just-“ “If I am then what the hell made you even think of me so lowly? What the hell did I do to make you question my loyalty? What the hell did I do that was worthy of you burning my fucking arm?!” Y/N cried out.

Silence fell upon the room. It felt like hours before anybody said anything. Both people had heavy tears in their face now. One crying because he realized he was an idiot and harmed the girl who did nothing wrong, and One crying because she did nothing wrong but ended up being a villain in her loved one’s life. Y/N broke the silence with a scoff.

“You know what Suki?” Y/N said looking him in the eyes. “Yes teddy bear?” Bakugou quickly replied with wide, desperate eyes upon hearing the loving nickname, thinking they would move on from this horrible incident. “Get the fuck out.” Y/N said in a low voice. Bakugou was shocked. He knew he fucked up horribly but after realizing the truth, he can’t leave you! He loves you too damn much for that! “What? Y/N please listen to me, I’m sor-“ “I DONT GIVE A FUCK! Leave..please.” The sad girl cried. Bakugou grabbed onto her shoulders begging her to not end this. “Y/N please! Please princess! I’m so fucking sorry! I’m an idiot, I know, and I definitely don’t deserve you but please I can’t lose you.” Bakugou said with tears falling down his face. “Please don’t do this to us. Please don’t do this to me, I’m BEGGING YOU.” “Bakugou-“ The sad boy cut you off, shaking his head, “ NO ITS SUKI. YOUR SUKI. YOUR KATSUKI.......please teddy bear I need you.......h-here let me help yo-”

You harshly pushed the boy off of you and as he tried to desperately go back to you, you used your quirk to keep him at bay. “Bakugou Katsuki. I’m leaving this room since you won’t, and I won’t come back until I know you’re out of my room.” Y/N began as she looked at him with cold, sad eyes. “From now on, you won’t have to worry about this bitch because I’ll stay out of your life, I swear. Don’t look at me, don’t touch me, DONT EVEN TALK TO ME. Just leave me alone....we’re done.” And with that Y/N ran out of her room, and out of the building, needing to get away from the place for a little bit. She could deal with her wound later. She just needed to get away. Bakugou just stood there in sadness and shock. As much as he wanted to run after you, he figured he’d give you a little breather. You guys could fix things in the morning...right?

Bakugou waited an hour in your room waiting for you, but you were right. You really weren’t coming back until he left your private area. So that’s what he did. With a heavy heart, he picked himself up and dragged his feet back to his dorm. He looked like a mess. He knew he did. Messy hair, red swollen eyes, dry lips. His entire body screamed heartbroken. When he open the door, instant regret and love hit him at once. His room was covered with rose petals and flowers, there were candles everywhere, heart shaped balloons all around, he had 4 different boxes of gifts, and two plates of extra spicy curry was set on his table, obviously cold now. What caught his eye was that one of the gift boxes had a note attached to it. With tears in his eyes, he read it.

Hey Suki! It’s Valentine’s Day! I love you to the moon and back and so much more. There’s no words that are able to describe the way I feel about you. You drive me insane in all the right ways and I love it! Lol. I hope you like your Valentine’s Day surprise. I’ve been working for weeks on it, so I’m sorry if I’ve been a little distracted. I know I’ve been kinda absent these past few days but I promise I’ll make it up to you love! Hopefully I can start with this gift that I’ve been working on. Enjoy your brand new grenade silencer! Made it myself just for you. There’s nothing else in the world like this. I love you Bakugou Katsuki!

(P.S. If Shinsou from 1-B gives you shit about it, it’s because I made him drag his ass everywhere to look for a missing part so I wouldn’t have to leave you so much)

XOXO, Your forever teddy bear <3

As he quickly opened the gift, he saw it. A silencer that would attach to his gauntlets to make the sound quieter and the blast even more powerful. It was incredible. You are incredible. He only ever mentioned the sound of his blasts once, and you listened and you fixed it.

Bakugou shook as tears began to fall onto the paper. He couldn’t believe it. Everything started coming together now. The reason you were so distracted was because you were setting this up for him. You were always on the phone because you were assembling pieces and ordering gifts for him. You weren’t cheating on him with Shinsou. You were making sure he could find something that you needed for him. Y/N L/N was truly the best girlfriend in the world. Scratch that, she is the best girlfriend in the world. No scratch that too, she’s just the best, period. And Bakugou’s idiotic self ruined everything for him. All because he couldn’t have a little faith in his teddy bear. As Katsuki cried and cried, he set everything aside.

He took the petals off his bed. He didn’t deserve it. He blew out the candles around his room. He didn’t deserve it. He popped the balloons, and ignored the food. He laid in bed with more tears than ever, and looked at the ceiling. He finally turned to his side to fall asleep, but not before grabbing the picture on his bedside nightstand. A picture of you and him. He remembers that picture oh so clearly. It was his birthday, and while he didn’t want to celebrate, you did everything in your power to make it the best one yet. And you did just that. Bakugou hugged that picture so tight, because he didn’t have you in his arms tonight. He didn’t think he would ever have you in his arms again. So Bakugou Katsuki continued to cry until he was asleep, escaping from the reality of him losing his love, his teddy bear, his princess, and his Y/N.

Bakugou Katsuki never lost, no. He’s always been ahead, always number one, always the best. He always won and achieved and nothing ever stopped him. Except this time, the only thing that stopped him and caused him to lose, was himself. He lost. He lost his everything. His world, his rock, his heart, his Y/N. He’s lost without her in his life, and at this point he thinks he’s lost at life. There was nothing that could fix him unless it was you coming back to him.

Bakugou Katsuki? He’s lost.

A/N: HOLY SHIT! That was my very first writing piece and it was just a Drabble of a thought I’ve been having. Sorry if it’s a little off and weird, I’m still new to writing but hopefully I’ll get better. This was NOT spell checked so my apologies for any mistakes. I hope you enjoyed reading this! Thx for the love!

[chubbology]

Inertia

prompt: a man gains weight trying to get his ex-girlfriend back, but goes way too far and gets addicted to gaining

He hadn’t gone to the gym even once in ages.

After a year of singlehood, he wasn’t ashamed to admit anymore that he’d only really gone in the first place to impress women. Ironic, of course, since his ex had never been more than vaguely dissatisfied about his gym habit.

When they first started dating, he had love handles he hated and his thighs had been too thick. He assumed she dated him despite these flaws. Only after he lost weight to please her did he find out that it was his chub that caught her eye. It was bigger guys she was into. It was a lot of miscommunication. A lot of insecurity on his part, since what her preferences meant was that she wanted him to be a little heavy, and he couldn’t possibly accept that with his society-ingrained doctrines about attractiveness.

But those doctrines meant fuck-all now; he was eating a double cheeseburger in his car, helping it down with an orange soda, thinking about dessert. He was wondering if she’d be proud of him now that he’d gained thirty pounds. He wondered if she’d look at him with half-lidded eyes like she used to, if he put on another thirty. Fifty. Whatever.

His phone buzzes. He sits up straighter, belly swelling a little into his lap. It’s her.

Hey. My friend needs to sell her two tickets. I know it’s your favorite band. Interested?

The next text was a link to an information page about an upcoming concert. He’d been so disconnected lately, he hadn’t even heard about it.

Even though he wasn’t actually all that interested, he replied that he was, and they set a date to meet up the next week. Shit. He looked down at himself. If she were someone else, she might be repelled. But she wasn’t someone else…

He was hit with a brilliant, maybe brilliantly stupid, idea. It’s execution began with going right back through the drive thru.

In the days leading up to seeing his ex again, he ate almost constantly. Since he was only doing freelance online at the moment, his work didn’t get in the way of this. He let himself eat whatever he wanted, in amounts three times what his body craved. He pushed himself to a state of being constantly past full. She liked fat guys? Fine. Even if she still didn’t want anything to do with him, he wanted her to see what he could have been, if he hadn’t been such a gym-rat douchebag. If he’d let himself become a lazy, docile boyfriend like she wanted instead, weak and overweight.

It was hard, gaining a lot of weight in a week. The number on the scale didn’t go up as much as he expected, even though he’d eaten enough calories to gain twenty pounds at least. He compensated by showing up to their meeting spot wearing clothes that tightly hugged his body, which now had a good forty-ish pounds of fat clinging to it. Looking in the mirror before he left, he’d almost seen what she was into. His ass had gotten kind of wide and dumpy, but in a sexy way?

He was all nerves when she showed up looking healthy and cute and indifferent about him, holding the tickets in her hands. Almost indifferent. She definitely gave him a once-over, when she thought he wasn’t looking. He could tell she bit the inside of her lip.

“Well,” she said, meeting his eyes fearlessly. Were her cheeks a little red, or was that wishful thinking? “I’ll see you.”

“Really?” he blurted. “Kinda miss hanging out.”

She smiled and turned to leave. “Maybe.”

He went home and binged hard.

*

In contrast to how he grew too slowly in the week before meeting up with her, in the weeks afterward, he gained weight doubletime. Fat rounded him out as easy as if he were a swiftly filling water balloon, engorging his thighs and belly and ass and hips wide and heavy. He ate compulsively as his appetite skyrocketed, as cravings crushed his will to restrain himself. His budget was thrown out of whack as he spent his savings on pantry loads of unhealthy food. His clothes stretched and seams snapped as he struggled to fit in his largest clothes. He shopped in the plus sized section first for comfort, then by necessity.

All the while he could only think: I wished she was watching.

He started imagining her with him. In the car as he ate fast food. At the store as he bought new clothes. Walking beside him as he forced himself to get exercise.

“Slow down, big guy.” “No, I think you need one size bigger.” “Sweating already? You’re so out of shape.”

Why did he like it? Imagining her mocking him? Teasing him? Eyeing his body, fleshy and overfed.

The next time she texted, it was late at night, and his eyes were glazed watching television, eating huge spoonfuls of that miracle drug called Nutella. His belly swelled out of his shirt. His breasts and face were puffy. According to the numbers he punched into Google, he had long crossed the threshold of obesity.

How was the concert?

He stared at the words. This was it. Maybe his only chance. He replied: Didn’t go after all. Been feeling off lately.

To his (very manly) delight, this prompted more questions, and it became clear she wanted a real conversation. Was she thinking of him? Missing him like he missed her? He thought out every response with the careful focus of a rocket scientist. He wasn’t going to mess this up.

He didn’t seem to, and they texted into the early hours of the morning, catching up. Finally, finally she asked to meet up with him again, and - feeling more eager, a little reckless - he tapped out a disclaimer. Or to her, hopefully: motivation.

Just so you aren’t shocked when you see me, I’ve put on weight since I bought those tickets from you. I’m not sensitive about it or anything, but it’s a lot. So here’s a fair warning.

He held his breath as he waited for her reply. Held his breath. Held it…

Oh. Really?

Like before, they set a time the following week. This time, to get coffee. No big deal.

He knew he had more than fulfilled his little scheme of putting on weight to catch her attention, and he could push the breaks now, but he felt helpless against his inertia. At this point, he’d cultivated half a dozen habits that had his weight steadily rising, and he couldn’t just turn them off. If he so much as thought of eating less, his whole body seized up in fearful anticipation and unhappiness, and he found himself cramming a couple moonpies into his mouth just to calm down.

He gained another six pounds between their text conversation and their coffee date. He felt so out of control, so out of shape, so out of line with the standards of popular society that he felt oddly…free. In a way, he felt free of anxious self-consciousness as he heaved himself out of his car and waved at her through the coffee shop window. She was sitting in a corner at a table for two. Despite his warning, she looked a little shocked.

When he sat down across from her, his huge ass hanging off the ends of the seat, she appeared to inhale deeply. Her expression was inscrutable.

“You weren’t kidding,” she said.

Blushing, he supposed he deserved a bit of tactlessness, for the tactless way he broke up with her. “What? Oh. Yeah, no. I wasn’t.”

She sipped her coffee, eyes flicking between his flabby chest and his flabby face. In a low tone that no one else would hear, she said, “What happened? For you to get fat as fuck.”

He opened his mouth and closed it. This wasn’t how he was expecting this to go. “Well. I’ve been working from home, stressed out. I let myself go and…” He trailed off when he realized her eyes were cold. No - so hot they seemed cold, like his shower water when turned to the highest setting.

“Is this because of me?” she asked, cutting to the chase. She crossed her legs, now openly surveying him. “Did you decide it was okay to gain a hundred pounds because you thought I’d be into it?”

He was speechless. He swallowed.

“Well? Do you want me back that badly? Ever since I saw you last time, all chubbed out, I’ve been thinking maybe I should give you a second chance.”

“Um.”

“But I don’t know…” She shrugged, but a smirk was hiding just behind that indifferent frown, and he wanted. He wanted her forgiveness, whatever that meant. “How about you gain a hundred more and we’ll go on a real date? Sound good? You’re not the only fat guy out there.”

She was full-on grinning now, and he missed her little games like this. He could play them, too.

“Maybe, but I bet I’m the only guy who’s gotten this fat for you,” he said. She was immediately affected by this, and he licked his lips. “You really want to wait to see me a hundred pounds bigger than this, or do you want to stick around to watch?”

Even quieter, she said, “You saying you like gaining weight? How convenient.”

So she still doubted him. He put out his hands for her to see. “Just look. Look at how fat my hands are. I can’t…” And finally his composure cracked a little. “I can’t stop. I couldn’t stop if I wanted. Even if you never talk to me again, I’m gonna gain weight.”

Any playfulness was gone now from her. She looked like she wanted him, too. “Hmm. Maybe we should go before you break that poor chair, huh?”

He blushed again. God, he was getting docile. “I’m not that bad,” he muttered. But she gave him a cruel grin. She hadn’t entirely forgiven him. “You will be.”

And he knew then: he was doomed. He was already a little bit into his own heaviness, and she was going to take that feeling and amplify it tenfold. She was going to enable every bad habit he had, watch him flounder under his increasing size and become weaker under layers and layers of fat until he could barely lift a two pound dumbbell.

He knew she wanted this to happen, and maybe he’d broken up with her before because he’d been afraid.

But he wasn’t anymore.

“Let’s go then,” he said.

*

Thank you to the reader who commissioned this work!

I'd love to write more. Check me out <3 etsy.com/shop/Chubbology

[dollslayer]

Charity Case

Bucky Barnes x Reader, College AU, enemies to lovers

Summary: You loathe Bucky Barnes and his cocky attitude but you find yourself doing him a favor. Is he really as insufferable as he seems?

W/C: 3,830

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, uhhh kissing, that's it!

A/N: Here it is! My entry for @sweeterthanthis Quote Me On It 6k challenge!! My quote was "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?" (in bold). I love the Heathers so I'm excited!! Hopefully I did this prompt justice. As always, if you liked it please reblog/comment! Cheers! I do not consent to my work being reposted/translated on any platform.

Main Masterlist

____

Steve was running late again. You try not to chew your nails off in frustration but he’s definitely testing you. This is the third time in the last two weeks that he’s late to meet you. When he hasn’t been late he’s cancelled all together. Always with a half-ass apology of ‘Bucky needs me’. As if.

You’ve been friends with Steve since your freshman year creative writing class when the only open seat was next to him. Ever since that first day you two had been close. But not as close as him and Bucky. Childhood friends attending university together, thicker than thieves.

You always felt like Bucky was maybe a little jealous of the friendship you and Steve have. Maybe you’re a little jealous too but you’re almost positive Bucky is more jealous of you than you are of him but that’s beside the point. On top of his jealousy Bucky was just annoying. He had a girlfriend but he was always flirting with every girl he met, yourself included. Not to mention he was cocky as all hell.

Steve vouches for his character, swears that it’s all an act and he’s actually very sensitive underneath but you don’t buy it for a second. If you were his girlfriend you’d have dumped him a long time ago.

You don’t have time to dwell on your annoyance too much because Steve is rushing through the doors of the coffee shop. He looks around for you and when he finally finds you the look on his face is relieved. As he gets closer it’s clear that he’d been running to get to you in time. He’s sweaty and a little out of breath and if you weren’t so annoyed with him you’d have found it endearing that he ran here.

“There you are,” he huffs out, “I’m so sorry, I was with Bucky and I lost track of time.”

You purse your lips and hand him a napkin which he takes with a gracious nod before wiping the sweat from his brow. You hand him the iced coffee you’d ordered for him too. The ice is slightly melted from sitting there but he looks so refreshed to be drinking it.

“Figures” is all you say with a huff. If he hadn’t been doing it so often you would’ve been a little kinder about it but you were just irked.

“Seriously, I’m sorry. Nat just dumped him, he's been having a hard time” Steve explained.

“Is it because he flirts with anything that moves?” You scoff.

Steve scoffs in return “He does not! He’s just… outgoing. But no, they had their own problems.” You raise one eyebrow at him. “Okay the flirting had something to do with it but there’s a lot going on there.”

“Whatever, let’s just study for this exam while we can”.

____

You and Steve spent the next two hours cramming for your midterm together. Things were going well and you’d nearly forgotten that you were mad at Steve in the first place. Nearly.

You were so deep into your notecards that you didn’t hear the door open behind you. A voice that could grate on only your nerves. A voice that if it didn’t belong to such a bastard, might even be kinda sexy. The voice breaks your focus completely when it calls out.

“Hey, Steve, are you done already or what? Oh hey, what’s up, beautiful?”

You set your notecards down on the table maybe a little harder than you should. You shoot Steve a glare because you thought it would just be the two of you. Really? You cut in before Steve can answer his friend.

“No, Bucky, he’s not. Can we help you?”

He smirks, giving you his full attention. He knows he has you now, knows you took the bait and he’s goaded you to the point of backtalk. He pulls up a chair to the table and wedges himself tightly between you and Steve. The sound of the chair legs scraping the floor as he scoots closer to you rings in your ears and makes you cringe. You look at Steve again only to find him avoiding your gaze.

“Well, sweetheart, me and Stevie boy here have plans later. Gonna do some gaming and order a pizza, really embracing the bachelor lifestyle.” He raised his eyebrows at this and you just rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, I heard Nat dumped your ass, actually, is that true?” You asked with a fake sweetness.

“Why, you interested?” He rebuffed.

You bristled at his quick response and muttered your annoyance under your breath. You chose not to respond. Instead you decided to address Steve.

“Steve, I didn’t realize that you had plans”

“Oh… yeah, loose plans…” He answered distractedly while pretending to be reading a text on his phone.

You decide to call it a day. You were getting seriously fed up with Steve’s passive behavior in all of this. Thankfully you didn’t have much to pack up, so once you slung your backpack over your shoulder you looked up at the pair to bid them goodnight.

“Well, Steve, this was… enlightening. Bucky, eat it. Goodnight fellas, have fun with your ‘bachelor lifestyle’” You said with air quotes. Turning on your heel you left before either could respond.

____

You had left the coffee shop that evening pretty upset with Steve. Of course it’s fine for him to have other friends but lately it was like he only cared about Bucky and all of your plans took a backseat to theirs. You decided you weren’t going to be the one to text Steve first, since he was being a bad friend. He could be the one to initiate plans.

He did just that when he caught you in the hallway after your midterm a week later. He jogged up to you once again and tugged on your sleeve to get you to stop.

“Hey, how do you think you did? Bet those notecards paid off, right?” He half-joked. He looked sheepish. Nervous almost. You figured it was because of what happened last time you met.

“Yeah, Jesus Christ! I’ve never been so grateful for little pieces of paper.” You scoffed. You decided to keep it light between you. You were still upset with him but his tone leads you to believe he was gonna apologize.

“Right?” He laughs nervously, “So listen, I know I’ve been kind of a jerk lately… Maybe we could get something to eat at Nick’s?”

Nick’s was the local greasy spoon on campus and they had the best breakfast food you’d ever had. You eyed him suspiciously but accepted.

“Alright, but you’re buying. And there better not be any visitors!” You add as you bound down the hall ahead of him. He knows you mean Bucky and he’s not worried because Bucky won’t be showing up today. He’s more nervous about what he has to ask you.

____

You’re sipping on pop as you play with your straw wrapper. You look up at Steve and notice he’s fidgeting a lot more than usual.

“What’s up? Why are you so twitchy?” You question him.

“Me? I’m not twitchy! I was just thinking that’s all” He quickly defends himself.

“Well that was the last midterm of the semester for both of us, I think it’s safe to say you can relax.”

“Yeah, guess you’re right.” Steve concedes quietly.

You and Steve eat in near silence, neither of you mind though because it’s comfortable. You worked on your hashbrowns when you looked up and noticed that Steve had barely touched his food. He was still fidgety, he looked nervous.

“Hey, you’ve hardly eaten anything, what’s the matter?”

He looks a little embarrassed, like he’s been caught. Or like he’s about to come clean about something.

“Look, I wanted to say sorry I know I haven’t been the best friend lately with everything going on with Bucky. He really is having a hard time since the breakup y’know… he’s lonely”

“Right” You laughed, “I’m sure he’s soo lonely.” You rolled your eyes and picked up your fork.

“No really, he just needed a friend to be there. I think he does need to get back out there though.”

“With how smooth he thinks he is, I'm sure he’ll have a date by the end of the night. I wouldn’t worry about it, Stevie.” You responded.

“I’m serious! As much of a player as he comes off he needs to be with someone he already knows. He’s actually really sensitive.” You interrupted with another laugh. There were many choice words you’d use to describe Bucky Barnes but ‘sensitive’ is not one of them.

“But anyway, I was...kinda hoping you’d do me a favor…” Steve trails off.

Based on the conversation you just had you’re cautious. You eye him warily but motion for him to continue.

“Well, like I said Buck’s having a hard time and he needs to get back out there but he doesn’t feel comfortable hooking up with a stranger. I was thinking maybe.. You guys should hang out?”

Steve refused to look at you as he finished the question. The look on your face was a look of confusion and shock.

“Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?” you asked in disbelief. “I mean seriously, I’m nice but not that nice.”

“Look-”

“No!” You cut him off, “You know I can’t stand that prick. Also why would I want to put myself on the long list of women he’s probably tried to fuck? I don’t buy this whole ‘sensitive’ thing for a minute.”

“I’m serious, Nat kinda crushed his heart when she left. He acts cocky but it’s a front. I just think he needs to see someone to get it out of his system. You’ve got more in common than you think. Just hang out with him once. Don’t think of it like a date, just a really really big favor. Please?” Steve begged.

You pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed. “You. Owe. Me. So. Much”

“Really?” He asked hopefully.

“Really. But I’m not gonna bang him. Hard no on that” you said.

“Yeah, yeah of course! No problem! I’ll give Bucky your number!” He reached across the table and grabbed your hand. His hands were kidna clammy but you let him.

“Seriously, thank you. I know you think he’s some jerk but I promise he’s a good guy.” Steve adds, “A-and don’t think of it as like a date, even, y'know? I think honestly he could just use another friend. Think of how good it could be if we could all hang together some time?”

You shook your head and chuckled at his optimism while you stabbed another bite of your meal.

____

‘What’s up, sweetface?’ Gross.

‘Okay, sorry. Hi, how are you?’ Better.

‘I’m alright, you?’

‘Good. Steve tells me you’re a huge trivia nerd. Wanna go to Sally’s tn?’

‘It’s a date’ Shit. Didn’t mean to say that. Fuck. Quick- say something that will deflect before he responds!

‘And since it’s a date you’re paying’ That’ll have to do.

‘Ugh fine. Here’s hoping you’re a cheap date at least. I’ll meet you there at 9’

____

What do you wear for a date with someone that you despise? It’s just bar trivia so it’s nothing special but somehow the jeans and flannel you’ve been wearing all day don’t feel like they make the cut. You rip your closet apart trying to find something before you settle on black skinny jeans and your favorite sweater with some boots. Casual but not too casual.

You spend the whole walk there dreading the night ahead of you. Knowing that you wouldn’t even have Steve as a buffer between you made the whole evening seem daunting. At least you had trivia to distract you. You decide to give Bucky the benefit of the doubt tonight for Steve’s sake. You try to remember Steve’s insistence that Bucky’s a good guy and you have a lot in common. We’ll see about that.

When you arrive at the bar you find Bucky already waiting for you at a high-top table with two PBRs and a shot of brown liquid. Please don’t let that be whiskey. He sees you coming and smiles that damn-his-good-looks smile at you while patting the open chair next to him. The closer you get you even see that he got the whiteboard already for trivia.

“Please tell me that’s not Jameson or Fireball” you greet him.

He laughs a little and shakes his head. “Better - it’s Jack. Sorry, doll, but I already opened the tab. This is what we’re drinking” He nudges one of the shots closer to you and motions for you to pick it up. “Come on, we gotta start the night off right, bottoms up!”

Before you can gag at the thought of drinking whiskey you grab the glass and face him. You both knock your shots on the table before clinking them together and swallowing them in one go. You grimace at the taste and feel the warmth flow all the way down your throat. You quickly take a sip of your beer to rid yourself of the taste.

“Aww, you’re cute when you’re grossed out.” Bucky coos at you.

You’re embarrassed and annoyed but it goes away quickly.

“Shut up, Barnes”

You give him a light shove and he pretends like he’s about to fall off his stool, making you laugh. For someone that’s only ever annoyed you he’s doing a pretty bang-up job of being likeable when it’s just the two of you.

“You ready for me to carry you through some trivia?” You joked.

“Hey, now! I know...stuff” he concluded.

“Mmhmmm, I’m sure you do. Don’t worry, I’ll answer the questions and you just sit there and look pretty” you reach over to pat his face lightly with a wink.

Bucky grumbles before taking another sip of his beer.

You settle in for a long night when the host announces the first round is starting.

____

You managed to steal the first round without breaking a sweat, second round was a little rocky until it came down to you and one other couple. You knew the third round would be tricky but the way Bucky was cheering you on you were determined. To no one’s surprise Bucky had been completely useless so far but to his credit he was trying. At least he was a supportive teammate.

Things were going well until the third round was announced: Old School Videogames. You didn’t know shit about old school videogames. Or regular videogames. The extent of your video game knowledge started and ended with Mario Kart.

When the third round was announced though Bucky hit the table in excitement and cheered.

“Woo! Fuck yeah!” He pats you on the shoulder, “I got this, don’t worry. I so fuckin’ got this!”

He was a few drinks deep but he was so confident and he was your only hope so you went with it. He looked like a little kid the way he was practically giddy.

“You had better! There’s some serious prize money riding on this round.” You said in warning.

“No, no. You don’t understand that I’ve GOT this. Your turn to look pretty, not that it’s gonna be all that hard for you, sweetface” Bucky grinned at you over his beer as he took another sip.

Your cheeks felt heated and you tried your best to hide it by taking another drink yourself. Bucky’s flirting has never worked until now. Must be the alcohol.

“Shut up, Barnes” you mumble.

“Y’keep saying that but what I really think you mean is ‘I love you, Bucky you’re so strong and handsome~’” He imitated in a high pitched feminine voice.

You shoved him for real and before you could say anything else the third round was starting.

____

Bucky wasn’t kidding when he said he had this. He had won the round in a clean sweep and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t impressed. Who knew this man harbored so much videogame trivia? When the host handed you the prize money he just waggled his eyebrows as if to say See?

“I gotta hand it to you, Barnes, I had no idea you had that much videgame wisdom rolling around up there. The only videogame I ever play is Mariokart so I’d be toast without you.”

“Mariokart? That’s it?? No problem, doll. It was nice to contribute.” He chuckles at that.

You divvied the money up and handed him his half.

“Guess I’m not such a cheap date afterall, huh?”

He chuckled as he took his half from you.

“I’m gonna go pay the tab with our winnings, I’ll be back”

You picked up your phone while you waited for him to find some missed texts from Steve.

‘How’s it going?’ ‘Are you guys doing okay?’ ‘I haven’t heard anything so I’m assuming you haven’t killed each other. Have fun, text if you need a ride home.’

You almost rolled your eyes at Steve’s insistence but found yourself smiling instead. You’d text him back when you got home.

Bucky was walking up to you once more and you smiled at him slightly.

“You said you’re good at Mariokart?”

“I didn’t say I was good at Mariokart, I said that I played it. Why?”

“Well I was thinkin’ maybe we could go back to mine and I could whoop your butt”

You weren’t going to say yes but now he was goading you and you took the bait without hesitation.

“Oh, you’re on, Barnes. You’re so, so on.”

His smile grew wider when he heard your response. With that he placed his hand on your lower back and ushered you out of the bar.

____

You played two tournament cups worth of Mariokart and Bucky had indeed whooped your butt. You don’t know why you were surprised, with how much gaming he and Steve do it’s no surprise he’s a natural. You still had fun though. Just when you were about to propose a third round Bucky got up and headed to the kitchen without a word.

He came back with two glasses of water and handed you one. He sat down on the floor next to you and you set down your controller.

“Here, drink up.”

You were taken aback a bit by the kind gesture but accepted the glass just the same.

“Thank you, I might regret saying this but, you’re not so bad when you’re not being insufferable, Barnes”. You told him

He smiled and shook his head as he drank his water.

“Thanks, I guess”

“How come you can’t be like this all the time? When it’s just the two of us you’re so kind and you’re even… I don’t know, funny maybe. Why do you get all cocky whenever else I see you?”

He looked down into his glass at your comment and you watched his brows crease in thought.

“I don’t know, it just sort of… happens, whenever I’m around other people I don’t know that well. I don’t mean to be a dick or anything but it’s like I can’t help myself. People expect me to be a certain way and I can’t help but fall into it sometimes. Nat hated that about me, it’s part of the reason why she dumped me, actually”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that. And I’m sorry about the breakup, too. I know you guys were together for a while.” Bucky only shrugged at this and downed the rest of his water.

“It is what it is. I’m ready to be over it, I’m getting there slowly but surely. I gotta say, you’re not so bad either when you’re not getting all defensive and in my face. You’re actually pretty funny”

Your turn to become flustered at a personal analysis.

“Thanks, I guess I don’t mean to be so defensive either, it's just my response to most other people. I feel myself slip into it and it can’t be helped.” You explained.

Bucky nods at you, not knowing entirely what to say in response.

“I like spending time with you” He says leaning closer to you.

You swallow thickly, not sure what to make of what you feel knowing his face is so close to yours.

“I… like spending time with you too. You’re not what I thought.”

“Me neither,” he shakes his head, “You’re something else.”

With that he leans his head closer to yours and you feel yourself close your eyes and move your lips to slant perfectly into his. You’re kissing Bucky Barnes. The Bucky Barnes you can’t stand. That Bucky Barnes. You’ve decided that his tongue feels too good in your mouth to care now.

His hands come to frame your face and bring you in closer. His hands are warm and calloused but they feel like comfort. You can’t help but to melt. You moan into his mouth and it seems to spur him on. He pulls you into his lap and you let out a noise of surprise that’s muffled by his mouth on yours.

Your hands come to caress his sides and you take your time feeling every muscle and ridge. Your hands idly make their way under the hem of his shirt and his skin is just as smooth as you’d expect. He sighs into your mouth and it takes all of your strength not to fall apart right there. You feel yourself getting lightheaded and have to pull away for air. When you do you rest your forehead against his and the only sound is both of your breathing.

You finally brave a look at him and he has the softest smile on his lips.

“Sorry, doll, didn’t mean to get so carried away but I’ve been waiting for a long time to do that.”

This catches you off guard.

“You have? Wait, did you like me? But you flirt with everyone!” You explain.

“With you, I flirt with you. You just can’t stand me” he laughs out, “Nat dumped me for a couple reasons but that’s one of them she told me I needed to get my priorities straight and I gotta say, I’m thankin’ her for sayin’ it ‘cause she was right.”

You don’t know what to say or what to make of any of this. All you know is that you want to kiss him again, so you do. You grab him by the collar and pull him into you again. He lets out a startled noise but kisses you back all the same.

You don’t care what you used to think of Bucky Barnes and you don’t care about what’ll happen after today. Right now all you care about is feeling him in sync with you for the first time. You could live in this moment forever but right now will have to do.