#I sometimes wonder if i still have that sheer determination in me

[lyroa]

Man, I really need to upload some more art, I got that awful 2018 art still haunting the recommendations next to my more recent art posts lol

[psalacanthea]

this is an old thing, a little during DAI Solas-perspective Solavellan for anyone needing something sweet this Saturday.  For all my ‘nah, they totally boned there’ Solavellans.  NSFW at the end.  2.8k.  (i might put in on AO3 later, unless I forget [i will forget])

...

Solas had a feeling that if he asked Ellana to stop, she would.  No, it was more than a feeling.  A certainty.  Whenever he paused, she pulled back, whenever he resisted, she stopped.  To the outside it might look as if she was aggressively pursuing him, but he knew she would cease in a split second if he asked her to.

And yet, he did not.

It was a surprisingly pleasant thing, to be hunted in this manner.  He knew she was skilled, but the talent extended to other areas besides her grace and the deadliness of her bow.  After the kiss in the fade - still a sweet, stomach-clenching memory – she had allowed him all the distance he desired without a word of complaint.

Then she started courting him.

It was merely small things at first; she would see Leliana and afterwards bring down the books he'd asked for from the library.  Cakes pilfered from the kitchen with an impish child's humor were presented to him proudly.  They would have given them to her if she'd asked, but she seemed to find endless delight in thievery.  

Her unflagging brightness, her sheer determination to find joy in her circumstances was admirable, and it amused him as well.

That alone was a revelation, the way she brought a smile to his lips even when she was absent.  He would find a small note she'd written him slipped between the pages of a book, generally biting, witty commentary about the tome itself.  She was sharper than the edges of her arrows, and he found it endlessly fascinating.  The way she'd laugh and charm the people they met and then turn around and make some sort of sly, dark comment about it all.  

There was no naivete in her humor, no denial; she saw her circumstances for the great and terrifying farce that they were.

Sometimes flashes of vulnerability would show through it all, depths of sorrow that she hid behind a smile.  He could see how much she hated it all, the titles, the worship of the Andrastians.  She flinched, every time someone called her Herald.

At first, in her posture, and then when she tempered that, he could still see it in her eyes.

Self-mockery and pain, and a bitter resignation.

He understood.

She kept it from him apart from the occasional dark and sarcastic joke, until the first note appeared anywhere but a book, left inside his bedroll as they camped at the outskirts of Crestwood.  It had been folded into a small bird, and he smiled and admired it for a moment before carefully unfolding it.  It almost seemed a shame to do so.

The words within were a shocking vulnerability, a heartbreaking confession.

Sometimes I wonder if they know how terrifying they are.  How horrifyingly cruel and brutal.  They say to me, 'You are the Herald of our greatest martyr', and they expect me, her victim, to be glad of it.  I should be honored to be raised so far above my people, to be allowed to murder for them instead of being murdered by them.  I laugh because it is easier than crying, or screaming.  I wonder if they will burn me, too, when they are done with me.

I hope they choke on my ashes.

That was the first night he wrote her a note in return.  He folded his into a star.  It seemed appropriate.  Not that the new vulnerability meant she had stopped pursuing him.  If anything, she grew all the more flirtatious.  

And indiscreet.

Solas became intensely aware that Dorian and Sera were very tired of her sighing about him over her drinks.  Gossip traveled, and quickly.  He struggled to hide his flushes as Dorian complained at him about it over the railing, reciting some of her more choice phrases with absolutely no shame whatsoever.  It seemed she was very fond of his legs and had waxed poetic about them.  At length.  And his jaw, apparently, and nose, freckles, eyes, lips...it was getting to be a bit much, but the second-hand flattery was undeniably pleasant to hear.  If embarrassing.

He did not ask her to stop, though Josephine did.  Repeatedly.

After a week of this new assault, the next letter appeared, on his pillow in his chamber.  

No one had seen her enter or leave, but his window had been open.

They say I should behave.  But I will not, until you tell me to.  Is it inappropriate?  I wonder. They need me, so I will keep doing as I like.  Dorian says that you smile, and so I think that you don't mind, even if you haven't said anything to me.  I wonder about a lot of things.  What your lips would taste like if I kissed you, what sort of sounds you would make if I snuck up behind you as you stand at your desk and slid my hands down the front of your pants.  Do you moan?  Would you say my name? You kiss as if you might.  You kiss as if you might suck all the air out of my lungs, and make me glad to die of suffocation.  I will remember it tonight, when I touch myself.  Sleep well.

That note, he kept in a book next to the bed.  

And then, for the next week, she had the oddest habit of popping up behind him while he was working.  Innocent, oh so innocent her expressions, asking curious questions, smiling winsomely.  There was absolutely no one who wasn't aware now that she was interested in him by then.  Of all people, Cassandra seemed utterly invested in it all.  She would ask the most prying questions, watch them with a hawk's gaze when they were in the field.  It was not a threatening gaze, if anything it seemed soft.

Hopeful.

All of her wicked machinations, all of this playful and overt courtship, and she had yet to even touch him.  If she was planning to drive him mad, she was doing a rather good job of it.  She chipped at the edges of his restraint, slowly whittling it away.  Eventually it was curiosity, more than anything else, that kept him from saying anything about it all.  What would she do next?

She, apparently, asked him to dance.

He did not know she would have handled the Winter Palace with such grace.  Knowing her fear and hatred, he was staggered at how flawlessly she had navigated it.  When she stopped to speak with him, he could feel the tension in her, the exhaustion and wariness that she let show in her eyes.  He wanted nothing more than to sweep her away to a quiet corner and let her relax, but they both knew he couldn't.  That such luxuries could not be afforded.  Instead they shared quiet, wry words about the artifice and intrigue, enjoyed what there was to be enjoyed.  She made some cutting remarks about a some particularly egregious gowns, just to make him chuckle.

He saw her shoulders relax as he laughed for her.

Later, leaning against the railing of the balcony outside, he watched her slump as Morrigan swept away, releasing it all.  It was then that he finally broke that distance between them, in the only way he could think of at that moment.  The first time they had touched, apart from accidental brushes in the heat of battle, or when he healed her wounds.  He gently placed a hand on her back, offering comfort in that moment when she let her vulnerability show in more than little hidden notes.

It was if that single touch, and then the dance that followed had broken some wall inside of her.

Suddenly her hands were everywhere, when she had been so careful not to intrude on his space before.  Pressing too close when she passed him in a cave, the curve of her hip nudging between his thighs, making his breath catch. She'd smile in the low light, and then move on before he could decide if he would reach for her.  She sat next to him around the fire, thighs touching, arm brushing against him when she leaned forward.  

Large things, small things.  Light touches on his arm when they spoke, a playful push against his shoulder when he offered a sly joke.  And then, one particularly pulse-pounding afternoon at the base of a circular stairwell, when she poured herself against his chest to whisper a message from Josephine in his ear.  Utterly ordinary, that little report, something that could have been sent with any servant in the fortress.  Instead, she lazily murmured the status of his book requisition in his ear, a hand to either side of his chest, voice a breathy little sigh.  

He nearly grabbed her by the thighs and pushed her up against the wall right then and there.

When it had turned to love, he didn't know, but he recognized it at some point when he was watching her, so serious and calm, lean over the war table with her braid spilling over her shoulder.  Or maybe it was when he'd caught her delaying their departure from Skyhold to indulge in a game of chase and catch with the small gaggle of children that belonged to the servants.  She looked so happy then, free, free of the weight of their titles and expectations, free of his mark that burned like a brand in her palm and poisoned her veins.

It made his heart ache, the knowledge of it, and then the acknowledgment of those feelings.  It was the most unwise thing he ever could have done, falling in love with her, but how could he avoid it?  She was...everything.

He hadn't known what he was going to say until they were on the balcony, but he knew he had to say something.  Something to express even a fraction of the change she had wrought in his life.  And again, she charmed him, until he almost found himself saying what he had decided halfway through their conversation not to.  He simply couldn't.  It wasn't right, it wasn't wise...

“Don't go.”

Her fingers caught in the curve of his elbow, a beckon that only asked, didn't demand. Never had she demanded anything of him in all this time, but nor had she stopped pursuing.  He hadn't stopped her.

He wouldn't stop her.

The inevitability washed over him, the weight and knowledge of it crashing down on him as he turned and drew her in to him.  He knew then, at last, how her lips tasted, how it felt for her to be as desperate as he had been all this time.  The crush of her body, the way she gasped in against his lips as he pulled at her, her hands against his back.  It was...

His body pulled back, but his heart stayed, escaping his lips in a confession of what she doubtless already knew.

He loved her.

Space.  Time.  He needed both, to try and decide what this all meant.  The kiss had roused something in him, young and impulsive, and it was nearly impossible to cross those few feet to the stairs, especially with her bed out of the corner of his vision, inviting.  A constant invitation, never withdrawn.  An offering of comfort and peace for both of them.  Even if only for a moment.

And then he made the greatest miscalculation in all of this, a mistake that would haunt him every night thereafter.

He looked back over his shoulder.

Ellana stood there, a hand on her hip, leaning against the door with the smuggest expression on her flushed face.  Hair tousled, lips swollen and ruddy, the feline satisfaction in the look she was giving him was unmistakable.

She'd won.

He'd made the first move.

How had she tricked him?  It left his mind blank for a moment, a laugh startled from the depths of his chest at being outmaneuvered by her, trapped into a corner until he had no choice but to react.  What could he do now? She hunted, and he had been caught.

The fragility, the melancholy of his feelings for her shattered, leaving behind a fierce and uninhibited affection.

What a horrible vixen she was.

It was as if a dam had burst, as he succumbed to it, to her.  She was so sweet under his lips, under his hands, and he took it all.  There would be time for tenderness later, for now there was only the frantic need she'd been forging for ages now, that she'd sharpened to a hunger so acute that he was starving for her.  

It was unwise to fill a starving belly too quickly, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

Somehow they found the bed, leaving tangled clothing behind, both of them tripping at one point or another.  They fell onto it in a tangle of limbs, her with her shirt still half on, him in his leggings, pulled partway down his hips.  They were laying the wrong way across the bed, but it was big enough not to matter, though his feet dangled down as he bit a line up her breastbone, making her back arch.  She whimpered, and he found it absolutely fascinating.

Suddenly, his own need wasn't so intense.  He heard say his name in protest, but breathy and moaning, token noises and not any desire for him to stop. His hands slid up the underside of her thighs, feeling the muscles shift under his palms, before he pushed her knees up, and then up again, letting them spread to either side of her chest, her stomach rolling in a smooth arch.

He knew she was flexible, he'd seen her fight.  It was hard not to gloat over her like this, his torturer, all red cheeks and hazy eyes.  Exposed, with her swollen, slick arousal so plain to see.

“You had to know...” he murmured to her, words breathed out between her thighs. “That you would eventually pay for all your wickedness, vhenan.”

And then, with tongue and lips, and his fingers firm around her knees, he found just what sorts of noises she could make.  It was very little surprise that he found them all as captivating as her whimpers, especially when they involved his name.

He loved the way it slid off of her tongue, sinuous and breathy, preceded by a quavering intake of air.  The way it became more and more frantic, until she lost the syllables in a cry of ecstasy, whole body shuddering.  The strength in her lithe frame was astounding, the spasm of her hips so dangerous that he was forced to pull back.

How could he resist it?  

She was so close, so exquisite, on his tongue and under his hands.  Her hands were pulling down his leggings as his own slid over the curves of her calves, moving for her ankles, encircling them.  He held her legs to his chest as he felt her fingers slide along the length of him, guiding him to her.

And then he took her, claimed what she'd been offering, sinking deep into her in triumph and surrender.  There would be regret, and he didn't care in that moment, she was too wet and warm and alive, her vitality setting his nerves afire.  She was all smooth, toned lines, but he could make her shiver and squirm, and so he did, watching the tumble of her hair, the bounce of her breasts.

It was over too quickly, greedy thrusts that made that fascinating rear end slap against his thighs, hunger that had settled too deep for anything but devouring satiation.  Her sweat-slicked, supple body folded under his as he pressed over her, hilting deep, his hands finding hers and pinning them against the bed as he shuddered and let his hips grind against her.

The satisfaction that followed had been worth it all, he decided, as he tried to catch his breath while she nuzzled against him.  He would have been content to hold her then, savor it all, try to understand just what was happening and what it meant...but he learned then, as he would learn in the weeks to come...

He had taken a step that there was no coming back from.  She only gave him fifteen minutes to kiss and caress her before she pushed him on his back and kissed down his stomach.  That night he learned a very sobering lesson, that he wished he had known before he'd looked over his shoulder that day in her chambers.

There was no escape now that he'd let her in.  She was irresistible.

And she was insatiable.

[camlannpod]

Character Playlist: Dai Thomas

Happy off-week! Episode 2 will be with us next Monday, so in the interim I'm going to be taking these first few off-weeks to talk about our character playlists!! As you might have noticed, episode one is very much themed around Dai - so here's his playlist.

It's Called: Freefall - Paris Paloma

Anyway, you say you're too busy Saving everybody else to save yourself And you don't want no help, oh, well That's the story to tell

Despite appearances, Dai cares a lot about other people, and considers himself to be the emotional caretaker of the group. He knows Perry and Morgan have got the practical stuff covered, but he also knows that sometimes they're so busy surviving they forget how to live. That's what he's there for. He's the morale guy!

2. Waking Up The Giants - Grizfolk

We're the rhythm of the darkest nights We're the truth that's been left unspoken We're the shadows far beyond the lights We're waking, waking, waking up the giants

This one's pretty self-explanatory, and could be used for the show itself. We're in the apocalypse! There's a lot of stuff that our gang doesn't know yet about how all this works. And, from a folkloric perspective, giants are a huge part of Brittonic stories and literature.

3. Dear Fellow Traveller - Sea Wolf

Dear fellow traveler under the moon I saw you standing in the shadows and your eyes were blue You put your hand out, opened the door You said, "Come with me, boy, I want to show you something more"

Of the whole gang, Dai is the one who most wants to see the sheer wonder in this apocalypse. He refuses to believe that it's relentlessly cruel or relentlessly deadly. He doesn't see it as rot or poison so much as transformation. There's a part of him that's genuinely excited to explore this strange new world they're all living in.

4. Wolves of the Revolution - The Arcadian Wild

Stay awake, oh, from the wolves you run barefoot With their libellous venomous words, they shoot Pulled and panicked, the door is locked And you're trapped inside of your own heart

This one's for Dai and the Knights. As a Nameless survivor, Dai had a very hard time when the trio were with the Knights, and felt horribly powerless and horribly scared. Despite his bravado, and his determination to believe in the good of other survivors, he is just as afraid of going back as the others are.

5. Free the Beautiful - Harletson

Tell them to free the beautiful Our words are more than critical Tell them to free the bеautiful

As a character for me, Dai has a bit of Cassandra to him. Again this is about his determination to see the light in this apocalypse - to find beauty and magic in it, to believe in the kindness of others. Morgan and Perry are justified in their skepticism, but Dai knows they need to be reminded to hope for something better. Otherwise what's the point?

6. Should We Let the Fire Die? - Branches

Should we let the fire die? The sparks still have a flicker and the night is growing thicker, but Should we let the fire die?

So obviously this is about Dai's fire, and his hope with it - his refusal to give up entirely on the old world and all the people that were in it. But it's also very much about what a deeply romantic, deeply loving person he is. The kind of man who wishes for an evening to last forever, if only he can spend it with the person he loves.

7. Fuck It I'm A Flower - Crying Day Care Choir

Fuck it, I'm a flower Growing taller every day Getting greener by the hour And I don't care what people say

Dai has never been the most macho man in the room. His power doesn't come from physical strength and skill, he isn't a natural born leader, he isn't really forceful in anyway. Growing up in a fundamentally sexist world, that was a source of insecurity for him, but as he got older he began to defiantly celebrate this aspect of his personality along with his queerness. He's emotionally intelligent, kind, gentle and funny. He's the group's heart.

8. Hallelujah - Oh Wonder

Some days I don't think my mamma thinks I'm good enough to be a superstar But one day I will show her I'm a diamond in the rough, I'll be a superstar

Everyone underestimates Dai all the time. In the apocalypse that's a lot more literal, because he's Nameless, and groups like the Knights only really care about people's Names. He gets sick and tired of this, and frustrated with people constantly assuming he won't be capable of taking care of himself and others. This song is about Dai embracing the power he's had all along.

9. We Will All Be Changed - Seryn

We can write with ink and pen But we will sew with seeds instead Starting with words we've said And we will all be changed

This song is on all our core characters' playlists! In some ways yes, literally, they will all change by the end of the series. But it's also about them moving from fighting and surviving to living, healing and growing. They think they might have finally found somewhere safe to weather the apocalypse. What do they do now?

[vixstarria]

Write your Tav (other characters' POV edition)

So I was going to do something similar to this write your Tav headcanon post by @spacebarbarianweird (hello!), but decided to postpone it until after I've actually finished the game. (Guilty of still being on Act 2 here, although much has been spoiled)

Still, I wanted to do something to flesh her out a bit, and ended up doing something entirely different, being short blurbs from the other characters' perspectives, to varying degrees of insight and self-interest, as though given sometime before the end of the game.

If anyone else wants to do this - I'd love to read it. My stuff under the cut.

Shadowheart 

Our good luck charm. I could never tell how old she is. Not just because she’s a half-elf – oftentimes she would act like an adolescent with a devil-may-care attitude, but then you would sense a profound world-weariness from her, that made you question the span and depth of her experiences... She’s gotten us out of the most perilous situations just by knowing which buttons to push, no matter whether with humans, goblins or any other assortment of abominations. Could it be just intuition? I’ve overheard her discussing books with Gale and Astarion that she had no business even knowing about. One thing is for certain: she’s no pampered court bard. I get the sense she’s been running from something. I wonder what. 

Gale 

She is the rainbow at the end of a bout of rain. A renewal of hope. Vibrant. Comforting. Refreshing. Delightful. ...Unreachable. Maybe if not for that blasted vampire... Although she’s certainly not the sort of woman I’ve ever envisaged my life with. Nor the type I would like to bring to meet my mother. Nor would she fare well within the collegiate circle. ...Come to think of it, she probably would not want the kind of life I could offer her, either. And yet being near her makes my heart sing... 

Lae’zel 

Weak. But courageous. Whelps like her do survive through sheer determination sometimes. She is lucky that Astarion took it upon himself to watch her back from day one. We all are. She is an inspirational leader. She has taught me that there are more ways out than ‘through’. To ‘think outside the box’, as the istik say. She has, truth be told, shown me the box, and rubbed my face in the fact I was in it. I am grateful and honoured to have met her.  

Wyll 

Oh she’s a good egg. Shame she never sang for us in camp. Too intimate, she said. What’s that all about? I suppose some things are more easily done before strangers... At least she played. I do hope we’ll write the story of our adventures together one day. Ballads, books... It all deserves a place in recorded history, written by her, with my assistance of course. Someone has to make sure the account is accurate. Wouldn’t want her to diminish or overinflate anyone’s role.  

Karlach 

My sister! I love her! I’m sorry I got us banned from that tavern, but I’m not one to walk away from a challenge, and ale had to be chugged, and tables had to be flipped. But she’s my best bud for all things debauchery. Skinny boy fangs, too. Him and his wine. Wait, was that wine in his goblet? Can vampires even drink wine? ...What the fuck was in the goblet and where did it come from?! I remember he was drunk... Actually, no, that was another time. SHE was drunk, and then he had her blood, yes. And then I eventually had to throw them both over my shoulders and haul them out of the tavern, because they had the bright idea to start a pickpocketing competition. And I say if you’re going to steal – steal responsibly, NOT while you’re hammered. Gods I’ll miss them both.  

Astarion  

My little dove. When I asked you why you let me bite you that night – you're not that naive and trusting after all – you said: “I had nothing to lose by agreeing to feed the strange sexy vampire – I couldn’t care less whether I lived or died anyway”. The joke fell flat. I asked whether you still felt that way. About life and death. “Not anymore,” you said, and took my hand.  

You are, perhaps, the only person worse than me at expressing their real feelings. Or at admitting them to your own self. It’s deplorable for a bard, darling. Even Lae’zel can get straight to the point, when she must. But I see you through the masks you wear. Just as you see me.  

Tav 

None of these fuckers know I’m the real princess of House Nightstar, married to a tarrasque named Johnathan.  

[deludedfantasy]

Trimax Vol 6 Ch 1-3

These chapters were so!!!! The trauma continues, but it's so so good. Anyway, my brain has been very mushy these past few days, but some thoughts on the beginning of Vol 6.

Ch1

Trimax does this thing where it effortlessly goes from joking to being serious and it’s doing that right now in this conversation between Meryl and Wolfwood. Sometimes it’s almost painful because it feels like it’s the characters’ way of coping with the situation and it really shows here. Wolfwood is trying to give Meryl—who is traumatized and trying to deal with a lot of new revelations about her friend—some levity, an out from this dangerous situation she’s in, and it isn’t hitting quite right.

Also, I can’t believe that Wolfwood has no idea what Vash is (or at least he says so. I think he probably has some suspicions) but Meryl does. I keep coming back to this but it says a lot about Vash that he’s never the one to give his friends that information about himself. He’s very private, but also I think it’s caution and fear. How would they react to knowing that he isn’t human in the slightest? Will he be able to deal with it if they turn away from him in disgust?

There’s a great commentary going on about power and who gets to wield it. In a lawless world like Gunsmoke, your survival is determined by how much power you have and the best way to gain it is with a good gun. What do you do with that power? Do you use it for good or ill? To take what you want or protect what you have? How does it shape you? And who gets to have it? The contrast between the sheriff’s blind desire for a Marlon gun versus Meryl considering what having that kind of firepower does to her. And perhaps by extension, Vash.

I love, love, love getting more Meryl backstory. Never enough Meryl backstory.

Vash takes his training so seriously, always pushing himself to the brink, to be the best he can be and go above and beyond even that. If there’s one thing he has in spades, it’s commitment and determination. Like, I can’t imagine how much it would take to make your finger bleed from pulling a trigger so many times.

Interesting, Vash has new glasses! And they hide even more of his eyes. Now no one can see how he’s really feeling at all.

Knowing what she does about Vash now, Meryl wonders if he can still pull the trigger. The thing is, one way or another, he’s always had these memories, and despite everything he’s been through, he’s kept on going, kept on doing the tough things, the things that hurt him sometimes, because they were the right thing to do. Again, he’s determined.

DETERMINATION

Anyway, love how protective Wolfwood is of the Punisher and that Vash just…took it anyway.

Ch 2

Wolfwood and his nightmares. They truly hurt me. He’s given up everything to protect the orphanage, including his own humanity. But now he’s afraid that it won’t be enough, that the very people he’s working with (who also happen to be the people he’s trying to protect the orphanage from) are going to destroy everything he cares about. And there’s nothing he can do. It’s heart-wrenching.

I wonder who’s saying, “Do you really think there won’t be consequences?” Is it his conscience or someone else? And consequences for what? Personally, I think it’s consequences for continuing down this path and being who and what he is. 

“It’s my job.” Wolfwood does not like getting praise from Knives. It’s only making the conflict inside himself worse. 

Wolfwood tried to kill Knives after Fifth Moon! He saw what he could do and went, “This has to be stopped!” But the sheer fear and power Knives put out stopped him and he was put back on the path of being a tool, an assassin. He draws a direct connection between Knives and Vash with their power to project emotion. It scares the shit out of him! How can these two creatures possibly be anything other than a threat to humanity? After the destruction he witnessed in the Dragon’s Nest he has to confront this again and really think about how willing he is to let this go on. 

First of all: what an iconic panel. Secondly, I can’t get over how Vash’s friendly, open face is contrasted with Wolfwood’s stark fear. Vash just showed up out of nowhere, without a sound, while Wolfwood is thinking about the kind of monster he is. On top of that, that friendly face is overshadowed by the damage he did to the Fifth Moon. Talk about cognitive dissonance. Right now, Wolfwood can’t imagine how all of this can coexist in one person.

And then an even more iconic panel!! Wolfwood points his gun at Vash! A lot of people have analyzed this better than I ever could, but I need to talk about this because it’s just too good. 

For a moment, Wolfwood really thinks about doing it. He couldn’t stop Knives, he was too powerful. But maybe, if he takes Vash off the board, he’ll be able to stop all this destruction that awaits them in the future. The thing is, in his fear, Wolfwood forgets that Vash isn’t the problem. Knives is the one with the world-ending plans, and Vash is the only one trying to stop it and the only one who truly stands a chance. But all he can think about right now is the weapon of mass destruction he first saw in Fifth Moon and was reminded of in the Dragon’s Nest. Until Vash turns around and he sees his face again. Until he’s faced with the fact that Vash is a lot more than a weapon and is the only person who’s ever been concerned with saving people. 

Wolfwood is like, “Ok, I’m not gonna kill him, but I am going to keep him from getting in more trouble than necessary.”

Meanwhile Vash is already running straight into danger as if to prove all of Wolfwood’s fears wrong. And standing directly in the path of a truck. We love one man. 

Yeah, Wolfwood to the rescue!! This chapter is just full of iconic panels honestly. After just thinking about killing him, he protects Vash with the Punisher! He’s probably telling himself it’s his job, but really, it’s because he knows Vash and he cares about him, more than he’s afraid of him. 

Love love love how they instinctively fight back to back. In the grand scheme of things, they haven’t known each other long, but this shows the level of trust they’ve already developed. They move together and trust the other enough to turn their back on them in battle. Can you tell this chapter is hitting me hard in the Vashwood feels?

Wolfwood is once again reminded of just who and what Vash is. Vash knew Wolfwood was protecting his back, so he knew that he pointed a gun on him on the roof. And yet, Vash never said anything about it, even trusting him enough to turn his back on him again, during a fight no less. It’s the reminder Wolfwood needs. This is who Vash really is. Not a weapon, but a kind, understanding (perhaps too understanding for Wolfwood sometimes) man. 

“Everything’s different when I’m back to back with him.” Sums it all up basically. When he’s with him, Wolfwood’s fear and doubt melts away, because this is who Vash truly is. Wolfwood trusts him.

Also, damn Milly. I want whatever helped her sleep through that.

Ch 3

Ah, Legato, so delightfully toxically devoted to Knives. Even after he broke his spine and sidelined him, kept him from killing Vash in revenge, he’s still willing to serve him. 

Elendira, on the other hand, is so tired of his shit. Oopsie, just gonna spill my drink because you’re insufferable but I have to deal with you anyway because we’re in the same murder gang together. She’s the best.

Double Fang and Trip of Death!!!! The Eye of Michael!!! My favorite religious assassins!!!

So Knives has his own castle of evil made from a fallen spaceship? Yeah, that sounds like him. 

Even on my second read, I can’t figure out why Double Fang kills Ogre and Joe. They’re Eye of Michael too, right? Were they not supposed to be there? Are they traitors somehow?

Ewwww, Legato. Why is his tongue so long???

Not much to say for this chapter except ooh, new characters! With cool designs!

[pearlsoflongago]

Bells for a New Year

Bells in the Rain

Sleep falls, with limpid drops of rain, Upon the steep cliffs of the town. Sleep falls; men are at peace again Awhile the small drops fall softly down.

The bright drops ring like bells of glass Thinned by the wind, and lightly blown; Sleep cannot fall on peaceful grass So softly as it falls on stone.

Peace falls unheeded on the dead Asleep; they have had deep peace to drink; Upon a live man's bloody head It falls most tenderly, I think.

—Elinor Wylie

In Tenebris

All within is warm,    Here without it's very cold,    Now the year is grown so old And the dead leaves swarm. In your heart is light,    Here without it's very dark,    When shall I hear the lark? When see aright? Oh, for a moment's space!    Draw the clinging curtains wide    Whilst I wait and yearn outside Let the light fall on my face.

—Ford Madox Ford

To Time, New Year’s Eve

Well, my dear Time, you are not going to fool me into making myself ridiculous this New Year's Eve with a lot of bonny but impossible resolutions. I know that you are playing with me just as a cat plays with a mouse; yet even the most piteous mousekin sometimes causes his tormentor surprise or disappointment by getting under a bureau or behind the stove, where, for the moment, she cannot paw him. Every now and then, with a little luck, I shall pull off just such a scurry into temporary immortality. It may come by reading Dickens or by seeing a sunset, or by lunching with friends, or by forgetting to wind the alarm clock, or by contemplating the rosy little pate of my daughter, who is still only a nine days' wonder—so young that she doesn't even know what you are doing to her. But you are not going to have the laugh on me by luring me into resolutions. I know my weaknesses. I know that I shall probably continue to annoy newsdealers by reading the magazines on the stalls instead of buying them; that I shall put off having my hair cut; drop tobacco cinders on my waistcoat; feel bored at the idea of having to shave and get dressed; be nervous when the gas burner pops when turned off; buy more Liberty Bonds than I can afford and have to hock them at a grievous loss. I shall continue to be pleasant to insurance agents, from sheer lack of manhood; and to keep library books out over the date and so incur a fine. My only hope, you see, is resolutely to determine to persist in these failings. Then, by sheer perversity, I may grow out of them.

—from A Letter to Father Time by Christopher Morley

The Belfry of Bruges

In the marketplace of Bruges stands the belfry old and brown; Thrice consumed and thrice rebuilded, still it watches o’er the town.

As the summer morn was breaking, on that lofty tower I stood, And the world threw off the darkness, like the weeds of widowhood.

Thick with towns and hamlets studded, and with streams and vapors gray, Like a shield embossed with silver, round and vast the landscape lay.

At my feet the city slumbered. From its chimneys, here and there, Wreaths of snow-white smoke, ascending, vanished, ghost-like, into air.

Not a sound rose from the city at that early morning hour, But I heard a heart of iron beating in the ancient tower.

From their nests beneath the rafters sang the swallows wild and high; And the world, beneath me sleeping, seemed more distant than the sky.

Then most musical and solemn, bringing back the olden times, With their strange, unearthly changes rang the melancholy chimes,

Like the psalms from some old cloister, when the nuns sing in the choir; And the great bell tolled among them, like the chanting of a friar.

Visions of the days departed, shadowy phantoms filled my brain; They who live in history only seemed to walk the earth again;

All the Foresters of Flanders – mighty Baldwin Bras de Fer, Lyderick du Bucq and Cressy Philip, Guy de Dampierre.

I beheld the pageants splendid that adorned those days of old; Stately dames, like queens attended, knights who bore the Fleece of Gold;

Lombard and Venetian merchants with deep-laden argosies; Ministers from twenty nations; more than royal pomp and ease.

I beheld proud Maximilian, kneeling humbly on the ground; I beheld the gentle Mary, hunting with her hawk and hound;

And her lighted bridal-chamber, where a duke slept with the queen, And the armed guard around them, and the sword unsheathed between.

I beheld the Flemish weavers, with Namur and Juliers bold, Marching homeward from the bloody battle of the Spurs of Gold;

Saw the light at Minnewater, saw the White Hoods moving west, Saw great Artevelde victorious scale the Golden Dragon’s nest.

And again the whiskered Spaniard all the land with terror smote; And again the wild alarum sounded from the tocsin’s throat;

Till the bell of Ghent responded o’er lagoon and dike of sand, “I am Roland! I am Roland! There is victory in the land!”

Then the sound of drums aroused me. The awakened city’s roar Chased the phantoms I had summoned back into their graves once more.

Hours had passed away like minutes; and, before I was aware, Lo! the shadow of the belfry crossed the sun-illumined square.

—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882)

[kafkaoftherubble]

@pieadvisor

Are you asking, "Lyndis, what the hell is this?"

Are you wondering, "Lyndis, what the hell is this?"

Are you thinking, "Lyndis, is this dangerous?"

Well—

You must play This Track first before unlocking Read More for The Lore.

MERRY BIRTHDAY, π !!!

Happy Christmas!!!

Hee hee! In Chinese, what I did up there would have qualified as an instance of 献丑. It means "embarrassing yourself willingly." You'll have to pardon me; not only am I no writer, I'm also no singer!

So why did I do this when a simple Happy Birthday will do, you ask?

Because, just like my rambling, I'm extra as fuck Well, I had used this exact birthday audio only once before you, and that was for my Best Friend.

She did her own version of Happy Birthday one year, which was quite the show-off of her because she has a mellifluous voice and quite the gift for music. Meanwhile, Lyndis over here is _____ (fill in the blank yourself hhahahahah).

However! (oh, where is the BGM) Determined to uphold the principle of Equivalent Exchange, I cobbled my own version of the song as a return gift. I was supposed to make it sound, ya know, 1940s-ish. I adore music from that era (I know, I know. I'm not washing away my Granny Allegation now, aren't I?), so I tried to fashion it after that era.

Yea, underline-bold-italic "tried." You are welcome to decide how, er, "successful" I did.

I thought using it only once for one person was a waste. So, I decided to use it again.

How did I create this mustardpeas, you ask?

Well, it's not through sophisticated sound engineering or incredibly useful apps, that's for sure. Nor was it through intricate singing techniques, though every sound in there was me.

The method was actually as primitive as having two recording devices. I sang one part of the song while recording it on Constantine, the phone. Then I played it back while singing a new layer over it while recording it on Zelda, the tablet. Then I played that back and sang another layer while recording with Constantine, the phone, again.

I think there were 4 layers in this in total. If you hear a 5th layer, please write a painstaking observation report for me including the kind of voice, what they are saying, et al. A ghost eluding me? Smartass.

Obviously, the earliest layer would become rather degraded as you kept re-re-re-record it—scratchy, just like them old records. So it was still part of my keikaku!

No, seriously. It's a tad bit of effort, right?

Well, yesn't. Because, again, it was originally done for Best Friend. So technically, I didn't have to make any extra effort other than what I already did last time. I guess this letter is the aforementioned effort, though. Since I wrote this in the wee hours of the morning after I finished my work for the week!

But I suppose I would like someone to be happy on their birthday?

Sometimes, a bit of upsetting things could happen on your day, and because it's your day, it could wear you down a bit more than usual through the fault of dopamine crash (heightened due to expectations).

So I thought, in case that happened, I hope my 1940s-inspired (apparently) Birthday Song By My Mediocre Singing Ass could bring a wee bit of cheer through sheer surprise or something like that. Salvage some of that dopamine, you know? I can only do this trick once!

And should the case not happen, and you had a great day every step of the way today, then it would still be nice to have this lil' shit be one of the reasons your birthday's a good one, innit?

I see this as a win no matter what way the day goes. Gee, I'm truly a brilliant schemer! I accounted for everything!

So yea. Happy birthday! I sure hope it's a rising trajectory from here on out. I mean, 'course, it ain't gonna be swell all the time. Life's a bitch. A fucking bitch ass motherfucker sometimes, even. What I mean is that if you pull it out of the moment and plot it on a cartesian plane, I hope your graph is ultimately going upward.

See ya around! Merry Christmas on your way out!

——Yours Truly, Lyndis

P.S. You may also wonder why this is a post instead of an Ask. That's because I've been away from Atom, the Laptop, for these few days. I only signed into Tumblr through this laptop (to avoid mindless scrolling instead of reading and studying shits that can actually satisfy my Brain's hunger, which can happen if I signed in through more convenient devices like Zelda the tablet). I need to schedule this for the day itself, right? This is also why, should you send me letters or replies in this window of time, I have offered zero feedback. But again, I'm likely ghost-reading your blog every now and then... now that's me returning to my roots, heh.

[sincerexsiren]

Continued from X @deepseawarlock With a slightly embarrassed but genuine smile, he continued, "Thank you for clarifying, Trinity. I appreciate your honesty and understanding. The night was enchanting, and the energy was indeed powerful. I must have let it get the better of me.” Ulysses took a moment to compose himself, trying to shake off the lingering grogginess. He met Trinity’s gaze, hoping to convey his sincerity and a desire to maintain their friendship. “I value our connection, Trinity, and I want to make sure we continue to respect each other’s boundaries. Last night was…memorable, to say the least.” As Ulysses reflected on his connection with Trinity, he felt a growing desire to deepen their relationship. He admired her strength and found himself drawn to her presence. With a newfound determination, he decided to express his feelings, albeit cautiously. Taking a deep breath, Ulysses met Trinity’s gaze with a mix of earnestness and vulnerability. He spoke softly, his voice filled with genuine sincerity. “Trinity, last night made me realize something. The way we connected, even with my confusion, it felt… special. There’s an undeniable spark between us, and I can’t help but wonder if there’s potential for more.” His words hung in the air as he gauged Trinity’s reaction. Ulysses knew it was important to approach the topic with sensitivity, understanding that she might not reciprocate his feelings or be ready to explore a deeper connection. Nonetheless, he wanted to express himself honestly and give her the opportunity to share her thoughts. “I understand if you’re not ready for this kind of conversation or if you see our relationship differently,” Ulysses continued, his voice tinged with a mix of hope and apprehension. “But, dear river witch, I wanted to be honest with you and let you know how I feel. I cherish our friendship, and if there’s a possibility for something more, I’d like to explore it. But if not, I want you to know that our friendship means the world to me, and I’ll respect whatever path you choose.” @sincerexsiren

The smile that settled on her features was pure pride when he said that he had let the night, the party, and the energy get the better of him. "Well that's rather the point isn't it? The summer frenzy?" She mused- and it really was. "I told you- but I suppose I can forgive you for not entirely believing me. After all, there are so few things that are new and surprising after such a long time.

She turned her dress around her, some of the sheer fabric ruffled and certainly not covering much. The truth was that last night had gotten the better of her too and it wasn't all because of the energy. No she'd felt the same pull by his pool when he'd pulled her in. She knew better then to think that last night was more then the magic for him though- which was why she had been sure it didn't go to far in between them. Everyone that came knew what they were coming for- he hadn't and she wasn't one to take advantage.

"Next time though, you'll know what you're getting into and can make an...educated choice." She responded to his comment about wanting to respect each other's boundaries while soothing the grass out of her own hair.

As he gathered himself she waved goodbye to one of the couples gathering up their things to leave. His words though drew her eyes back to him, eyebrows furrowing. "I know that from before last night love." She admitted, translucent blue eyes still almost glowing from the magic the night before. So much energy, affection and love though...it could fool a person who wasn't used to it. Combine with the power she knew was in her touch, she knew that it could sometimes even bring gods to their knees.

A hand reached out, fingers running lightly along his cheek. "Of course I feel the same way." She murmured. "But Ulysses...when you leave here, you might not feel the same way." She reminded him, voice wavering because she didn't even want to say it. "I've told you about the power of this place...of the healing." There was a bit of sadness in her voice. It didn't matter how she felt about him. Just like last night, she wouldn't force him to stay and he could very well walk away from here and feel nothing at all. "I dont want you to feel bad when you go..." When he left and realized that it was indeed just the magic...like a drug.

[selene-moonie]

Be practical babes

Semi-random thought I had (also, sorry for my lack of posting recently, I've been busy working and manifesting other things) but I feel like sometimes we take the practicality out of manifesting.

Like I've seen some people say you can't complain about your present circumstances while you're manifesting your desired circumstances.

My response to this is nuanced, obviously.

If you're in trash circumstances, you're not going to like it. You'll probably be stressed out, you might feel anxious, and when things you don't like happen, you'll probably feel annoyed. And only when you get what you want that may change.

For example, I've wanted to go to the beach since last September. I almost went in December, but it didn't happen and I was really upset about it.

I think the week of V-day I was like, "fuck it, I'm going to the beach," and I started affirming angrily that I was going to the beach. The guy I made out with the night I was supposed to go to the beach in December posted on his ig pictures of himself at the beach, and I messaged him about it, telling him that I was so jealous that he made it to the beach. We spoke and stuff, cool. Days later, I'm having a conversation and I'm literally complaining to a new friend that I so desperately wanted to go to the beach and that if someone messaged me at 10:55 am the following day that they wanted to take me to the beach, I'd tell them to give me two hours (cuz I had a work meeting at 11:00 am) and they could come pick me up.

The following morning, sometime after nine in the morning, the guy I made out with messaged our group chat to plan a beach lime for Sunday. It was Friday.

I did go to the beach, it was wonderful, I had a great time and I'm going again soon.

Now, what was the difference between the type of complaining I was doing and what people usually recommend when it comes to complaining about your circumstances? Even though I was venting out my frustrations, I kept telling myself that I'd be at the beach. That no matter that it hadn't happened as yet, I would go. I was in the state of having it, despite my circumstances not reflecting that as yet.

Also, me venting was expressing my own anger and frustration towards myself for having slacked off in the first place, because at the time of originally manifesting it, I didn't persist and hence it didn't happen. And that's what I was really angry about, not the fact that my 3d didn't reflect my mind.

For a very long time, I was focused on not complaining or dealing with my feelings because I thought it would fuck up my manifestations. But in comparison to nowadays, my anxiety, depression, and spiraling were way worse in the past and I still manifested so do those things have anything to do with me getting what I want? Not as much as I used to think they did.

I still feel anxious and frustrated by things because there are still things I want to change in my life, but I don't let those feelings dictate whether or not I receive my manifestations. I get my shit regardless of how I feel.

I've found that by letting myself experience the feelings of frustration and anger allows me to let go of the old story, which then releases a lot of the resistance that I have to the things in my mind. Once I get to that point, my sheer determination to get what I want overrides any circumstances I may or may not perceive and it's usually a matter of days of me affirming that my desire shows up.

Ok so basically what I'm trying to say is that you can complain, but don't complain from the state you don't want.

When you're in garbage circumstances, things are going to frustrate you and that is ok. Do what you need to in order to manage your emotions.

However, when it comes to getting what you want, stay in the state of the wish fulfilled. Stay there, know it's yours, know you have it, or at the very least, that you're going to get it.

Because you're more likely to just be frustrating yourself otherwise.

So be practical when manifesting. Find a system for it that works for you and take your time. You're going to get everything you want, I promise.

Love,

your favorite Moon Babe,

Selene 🌚

[sawamura-daichis-thighs]

Hi, how are you? I seen you in an ultrasound tag. And I seen you went to school for it. I was wondering if you could tell me your experience and if you enjoy it as a career?

Hi Anon, I'm good, thank you for asking! And absolutely, I’d be happy to. ^^

I live in the U.S., so requirements and program length may be different elsewhere, but in general most sonography programs are approximately 2 years (not including any prerequisite courses you'll need beforehand in order to apply). It is definitely a tough program! It takes a lot of dedication and determination and sometimes sheer force of will; I gave up the majority of my free time for 2 years to make room for the amount of studying that's required, was often pushed out of my comfort zone, and wondered more than once if I could truly achieve my goals, but in the end I feel it was 100% worth it.

I won't lie, sonography is a difficult field; at first, it kinda feels like "what do you mean these shades of gray make an image of actual anatomy, it all looks like blobs" but I promise that it eventually begins to make sense! It's such an exciting feeling when you look back after months of practice to realize that you've made visible, tangible progress and that now those "gray blobs" actually make sense as real anatomy. You get excited about the funniest things (my classmates and I would gush over a easily seen pancreas lmao I still do) and learn all kinds of cool, wacky things bodies can/might do.

My program included lecture courses, lab courses, and clinical rotations in real health care facilities. While they're all important, the clinical rotations were the most impactful for me because I learn best by being hands-on, which is exactly what those rotations are for. Lab time was great for learning the anatomy on generally healthy people (classmates) without many time constraints, with a teacher present to guide/answer questions, but clinicals introduce you to the general population who are, by and large, sick and/or in pain. It often introduces you to pathology that, until that point, you only see in lectures and books.

There are some important board exams required to become a registered sonographer: the SPI (Sonography Principles and Instrumentation) and a specialty board (Abdomen, OB/GYN, Vascular, etc.). Regardless of which specialty you want to go into, you must pass the SPI to become credentialed. I attached a link so you can research it further, but basically it's an exam that focuses on the physics that make ultrasound possible as an imaging modality. They’re difficult exams, designed so that you have to choose the “best answer” from multiple options that might technically be correct, so you have to read carefully. I have bad test anxiety, so I learned to skip anything I didn’t know immediately and come back to it after answering the rest. Also, trust your gut and refrain from changing your answers too often.

As far as my career, I'm still new at it. I've only been working as a registered sonographer for a little over 6 months, but, even with the challenges of working in health care, I love it. I like that I can work both independently and with a team; it’s nice to get my coworkers’ input/advice on things I’m not sure about or questioning. Every day is different. My hospital is super busy most days, but it offers a lot of room for obtaining experience due to the range of scans we perform. In an average week, I'll scan a mix of general abdomen (evaluating liver, gallbladder, kidneys, etc.), small parts (thyroid, scrotum), vascular (so many legs to rule out blood clots, whew), OB/GYN (lots of first trimester from the Emergency Room, and many second/third from patients in our Labor & Delivery unit), and we even perform procedures like biopsies. My hospital also has a NICU, where we scan infant brains or newborn kidneys or spines to evaluate for abnormalities. (Granted, not every hospital does all of this! We just happen to be one of the largest hospitals in an otherwise rural area so we're kind of a catch-all.) My ultimate goal is to become a travel tech, so I wanted to work somewhere that would help me gain a range of experience quickly.

As you can see, there's so many different possibilities with ultrasound! It's not just used for those who are pregnant, like a lot of people (myself included, initially) assume. If babies aren't your preference (which, same, they're super wiggly lol but cute regardless), you still have a wide range of options to choose from. I'd definitely recommend doing some research and asking for opportunities to shadow ultrasound techs near you, to get an idea of what they do and ask questions. (Unlike me, who literally Googled the profession before applying to my program with super limited knowledge on just what I was getting into lol thankfully it worked out and became something I love!)

[jodilin65]

I’m truly frustrated as fuck. I’m so tired of the way I have suffered nearly every single fucking day for a decade from some kind of shit or another. If I’m not anxious, I’m tired or there’s something else. But my hands are tied. Because of Tom, I can’t end my misery. I still care more about what he wants more than what I want, but oh, how I wish I would get something that would kill me! I know that won’t happen, though. I trust my intuition too much not to believe I don’t have many years ahead. They will be tough but they’re there until I just can’t take it anymore.

The same thing happened last time around only this time I woke myself up snoring at 5.5 hours into my sleep rather than 3.5. Also like the last time, it took me an hour or so to get back to sleep.

Again I find it hard to believe this is all one big coincidence and that nothing’s been cursing my sleep in one form or another all my life. It’s like with the dream premonitions. After you have a few you think it’s a neat coincidence. But when a few become dozens you know it’s not.

We looked at snoring backpack pillows where you wear this vest-like thing with a cushion in the middle of your back to keep you off your back. It seemed a bit bulky and uncomfortable. When Tom did additional research, he found someone who said to just tape a tennis ball to your back. Well, I was thinking I may start with one of those small plastic containers I store my diamonds in for diamond painting. This way it wouldn’t be anything bulky and annoying but I would definitely notice it if I shifted on to my back.

This doesn’t mean I still wouldn’t wake up to pee or for no apparent reason and struggle to fall back asleep. Having my sleep broken up is such a killer on me. The older I get, the harder it is on my body. My biggest concern right now is how hard it’s going to be to get to my appointment on the 13th. I’m going either way because it’s a very important appointment but I just wonder how exhausted I’m going to be that day. At least it’s close!

I’m just starting to feel traces of burning again down there too, which tells me dryness wasn’t my only issue as I suspected. It’s probably connected to whatever was raising the WBC count in my pee.

Different subject. A sick twisted bitch I call Termite Tammy.

This poorly written 2009 message from my dear sister said, “you should of jumped from a higher window and saved your family all this hurt and grief.”

And this is someone I forgave and let back into my life for nearly a decade?! Shame on me!!! Really, WTF was I thinking???

My eyes are now wide open to my past stupidity but I’m ashamed and even embarrassed to know how long it took me to finally stop giving toxic people not only second chances but third chances and sometimes even more. I guess sometimes we just want to believe that people really are aware of their mistakes and are determined to change. But they’re not aware of them and even if they are, they don’t think they’ve done anything wrong and they’re not about to change for anyone or anything.

When I first started editing the part for my blog where she and her brood pulled their twisted shit on me in the summer of 2009, I kind of laughed and shook my head at just how childish and utterly insane they were and will no doubt always be when reading back on some of the nasty shit they sent me that I copied into journals. I mean it was just fucking ridiculous. Forget just immature, it was completely asinine and dumber than dumb. These people can’t even write much less make sense or know what the hell they were even talking about. On top of the stupidity was the sheer evilness and vindictiveness.

But when I got to that part about jumping, the giggles turn to anger and this time more at myself than at the termite because I should have known better than to let someone like that back into my life when I knew damn well what she was capable of in the past. She caused me so much trouble throughout my life but there I was, oh so nice and oh so forgiving, always wanting to try again as if a miracle could happen and they’d be anyone but who they always were.

Despite the cruelness of her words, I’m also glad I read that because it was the final clincher in getting myself not to care about those who don’t care about me which I’ve been working on for a while now. So no, I don’t want to hear from Nane because I’m finally smart enough to know better and to know that we would only get into another argument in the future and one of us would dump the other. And no, I don’t want to hear from Maliheh either or anyone else I’ve ever had problems with online or in person. From this day forward, one strike and you’re out! I don’t care how much history we may have. I don’t care how apologetic you may be and how much you swear never to repeat your mistakes.

[lucygraysboy]

“must  be  one  of  your  many  talents,  lucy  gray,”  the  blue-eyed  cowboy  laughs  softly,  still  very  much  unsure  how  he’ll  ever  manage  to  pay  her  back  for  everything  she’s  done  for  him.  maybe  she’ll  allow  him  to  help  around  the  farm  and  animals.  he  could  cook  or  clean  the  house.  he  doesn’t  have  much  experience  working  in  the  field,  but  he’s  not  afraid  of  hard  labor,  and  so  he’d  be  willing  to  do  that  as  well.  either  way,  he’ll  find  a  way  to  make  himself  useful  somehow.  “when  i  tell  my  friend,  jesse,  about  this,  he  won’t  believe  me.”  but  billy  won’t  blame  him,  not  when  he  himself  keeps  discreetly  pinching  his  arm  to  make  sure  he’s  not  imagining  all  this.  “oh,  yeah,  good  thing  i’d  lost  a  few  pounds  along  the  way,”  he  chuckles,  gently  patting  his  flat  stomach.  he’s  tall  and  muscular  from  all  the  hard  work,  but  he’s  not  a  burly  man  and  for  once  that’s  worked  in  his  favor.  “my  ma  sometimes  called  me  a  beanpole  when  i  was  younger,  said  i  reminded  her  of  one.  guess  not  much’s  changed.  i’m  still  a  beanpole.”  the  memory  puts  a  smile  on  his  lips  now,  but  back  then,  it  kind  of  annoyed  him.  

“yeah,  she’s  not  as  big  as  a  horse,  but  i  bet  she  can  bite  you  in  the  shin  just  fine,”  he  playfully  counters,  not  buying  the  whole  sweet  as  a  pie  thing.  “well,  maybe  she  just  didn’t  want  to  share  her  hay  with  me.  i’ll  charm  my  way  into  her  heart.”  he’ll  try,  just  because  this  goat  clearly  means  a  lot  to  lucy  gray.  “i  don’t  really  blame  her  for  tryin’  to  look  menacing.  i  would  probably  do  the  same  if  my  ma  dragged  a  dying  man  into  my  bedroom.”  it’s  only  a  goat,  he  tells  himself,  thinking  what  he  needs  to  do  next  is  give  her  a  few  treats  and  she’ll  love  him  forever.  “lucy  gray,  if  you’re  the  one  tending  to  them,  you  have  nothin’  to  worry  about.  they  surely  love  you  already,”  he  muses  with  a  smile,  his  eyes  twinkling  with  sheer  wonderment  as  he  takes  her  in.  “we’ll  find  one  that’s  big  and  strong,  but  also  gentle,  and  if  we  don’t  kick  him  in  the  flanks,  we’ll  be  just  fine.  we’ll  ride  double  at  first  and  i  won’t  let  you  get  thrown,  alright?”  he’ll  let  her  sit  in  the  front  and  hopefully  having  his  arms  on  either  side  of  her  will  make  her  feel  more  secure.  “they  all  have  beautiful  names.  thank  you  for  reminding  me  about  theo  and  blaze.  i’ll  remember  now,”  he  assures,  determined  to  do  just  that  even  if  there’s  so  many  of  them.  “which  one  would  you  say  is  the  calmest?”  after  all,  she’s  the  expert  on  these  horses,  even  if  she  doesn’t  realize  it.  she  feeds  them,  takes  care  of  them,  leads  them  into  pastures.  she  probably  knows  their  personalities  like  the  back  of  her  hand,  he  assumes.

billy  listens  intently  to  everything  lucy  gray  says,  loving  how  patient  she  is  while  explaining  all  this  to  him.  he’s  finally  beginning  to  understand  what  the  covey  is,  what  they  stand  for,  what  they  do.  “sounds  like  it’s  a  wonderful  community  you’ve  got  there,  so  helpful  and  welcoming.”  he’d  love  to  hear  this  little  band  of  hers  one  day,  but  isn’t  bold  enough  to  suggest  she  takes  him  with  her  next  time.  “what  day  of  the  week  do  we  have  now?”  he  inquires  sheepishly,  embarrassed  to  admit  he’s  lost  track  of  time  out  there  in  the  woods.  “never  heard  of  gnomes?  they’re  small,  ugly  creatures,  kind  of  like  leprechauns  but  evil  in  a  way  that’s  truly  evil,  not  just  fun  and  mischievous,”  he  explains,  smiling  just  because  he’s  happy  to  have  someone  to  talk  to  again.  someone  to  share  these  folklore  legends  with.  “uglier  than  sin  on  a  sunday?”  he  repeats  with  a  laugh,  dark  brows  lifting  in  surprise  because  he’s  hearing  this  phrase  for  the  very  first  time.  he  loves  learning  these  things,  making  sure  to  memorize  each  one.  “is  sin  on  monday  less  ugly?”  but  the  more  he  dwells  on  it,  the  more  it  makes  sense.  “my  pa’s  friends  used  this  word  dryshite  to  describe  anyone  they  didn’t  get  along  with  very  well.  let’s  just  say  she’s  a  dryshite  gnome  who’s  uglier  than  sin  on  a  sunday.”  there’s  something  about  this  girl  that  makes  billy  want  to  smile  every  time  he  looks  at  her.  he  doesn’t  remember  the  last  time  he  joked  around  like  this  with  another  person.  “you’re  a  much  better  person  than  me,  lucy  gray.”  she  reminds  him  of  his  mother  in  moments  like  this,  when  she  reminds  him  to  be  kind  to  all  people.

“that’s  a  fair  rule  to  live  by.  i  think  you  should  always  try  to  resolve  conflicts  with  words  first,  but  snakes  work  more  effectively.  how  do  you  even  pick  them  up?  with  bare  hands?”  and  she’s  afraid  of  horses,  but  not  afraid  of  snakes.  this  girl’s  a  mystery…  “that  must  have  been  a  sight  to  behold.  i  hope  you  stuck  around  to  watch  or  at  least  listen.  and  what?  he  didn’t  have  no  accident?  well,  that’s  kind  of  disappointing,  isn’t  it?  please,  don’t  take  it  as  me  encouraging  you  to  repeat  that  harmless  prank,  but…  you  know,  just  sayin’,  wet  pants  would  only  serve  to  humble  him.  sounds  like  a  good  life  lesson.”  her  laugh’s  such  a  beautiful,  beautiful  sound  that  he  would  say  just  about  anything  to  amuse  her.  “really?  how  come?  oh,  i  should  probably  ask  who  her  parents  are,  right?  that  would  explain  the  reaction  of  those  people  who  said  you  were  in  the  wrong.”  if  mayfair’s  father  is  a  powerful  man,  that  would  explain  everything.  billy’s  seen  his  fair  share  of  corruption,  experienced  it  even,  and  so  this  wouldn’t  be  shocking  to  him.  “oh,  god,”  he  can’t  refrain  from  snorting,  hearing  lucy  gray  point  out  the  obvious  —  mayfair  lipp  sounds  terrible  enough,  no  need  to  come  up  with  silly  names.  “alright,  here  we  go.  all  done.  it  turned  out  pretty  nicely,  what’d  you  think?”  he  cuts  the  ends  with  the  scissors,  carefully  not  to  nip  her  skin,  and  then  brings  his  own  wrist  close  so  they’ll  be  able  to  marvel  at  the  bracelets  together.

"my magical brute force that comes out when i'm determined, i guess." but she hopes she won't be need taken care of, there's too much to get done and do around the house to just be resting on the job with a sore back and arms. then again, that's probably why she does have strength. from all the labor she puts in around this house day in, day out. "plus, you're long but you ain't all that heavy." she plays it off like he's feather light or something. "well that goat only comes up to my knees, darlin'. the horses are a lot bigger and mightier lookin' to me. and she ain't no mean goat, she's a sweetheart. sweet as pie. –well, to her mama and little cousin she is."

in case shamus was being rude to him while she had been gone. "she's just used to girls." she's smart and probably just knows he's a boy. "i love the horses, i admire what they stand for. freedom and strength. i do know they're very smart, too. but i can't help it... i guess i know they're smart and they might sense me bein' scared and throw me off or somethin'. but if you know what you're doin' then i won't mind to attempt to conquer this fear." which just further proved what he was saying was true, about being courageous. "without meanin' to, i guess that part just came naturally so." she softly laughed, meaning the part about naming them so traditionally southern sounding. "mhm, all that's correct." amusement reached her deep honey eyes at his extra nicknames for them... gang of chickens, three musketeers. "and don't forget theo and blaze." the last two horses. lucy gray heard him apologize again and she only felt more guilt for getting an attitude with him, softly smiling to let him know it was okay. maybe he was just curious, even if her mind was conflicted.

"on the weekends we like to sing in our little band we got. and then through out the week, sometimes barb azure and maude ivory come over and help me with the garden and the animals." brunette answers, very grateful for her two cousins too since their kindness helps out tremendously. "a gnome you say?" brows lifted, she hadn't heard much about any gnomes. she knew what they were but never heard any tales people being called one, which made another soft laugh emit from her. "well, over on yonder they'd call her personality uglier than sin on a sunday." but a gnome could work too. "no, now we wouldn't." she agreed, giving him a pointed look that he's right for not going further and agreeing with her that they wouldn't be cruel like that. "makin' comments about her won't make us any better. if anything, just lower." lucy gray lectured, pointing her finger as he nudged her.

"i do, they just come out at last second. i don't wanna use them if i don't have to." her first option is always snakes, but if there's no snakes around then claws are the next best thing. "yes, a real snake." she confirmed. "and he was, he was cursin' and yellin' all over the place." own laughter of hers started forming that she stifled, resorting to grinning until her cheeks hurt at his own muffled laughter her story caused. "right?" she deserved it. "but then, people had the thought to think i was the one in the wrong. ..why peefair? her real name is already horrible soundin' enough, it does it plenty justice alone just by bein' mayfair lipp." lucy gray sassed, smiling a little deviously that time as her fingers weaved the string in between them and formed a nice knot. "welcome, now just snip the ends with the scissors."

[fallingforfictionalcharacterss]

Ruin your life

Summary: Why would you kiss out of all the people the boy you hate the most in this world?

“And please take into account that the left wing of the corridor on the fifth floor is forbidden for everyone who does not wish to die a very painful death. But now I bored you for long enough and I am sure you all are already looking forward to the feast. So all that is left to say is enjoy your meal!”, Professor Dumbledore finished his speech.

The students that had looked up to the headmaster and listened with widened eyes, applauded restrainedly. You exchanged a wary look with Hermione who was sitting next to you.

“Did this remind you of something?”, you whispered, as the applause slowly subsided and the students started to focus on the delicious food that had appeared on the plates in front of them.

Hermione nodded. Harry and Ron on the other side of the table, leaned over to you.

“I feel like I have a déjà vu.”, Ron mumbled. “I was hoping for a normal year at Hogwarts for one time. Don´t feel like I will experience this.”

You agreed with Ron. Since you had attended Hogwarts, every single year something spectacular had happened and every time you had somehow been involved in it. Or more precisely Harry, but since he was one of your best friends, whenever he got in trouble -which happened more often than you had even thought it would be possible for a human being- you were by his side, determined to help your friend with whatever he had gotten himself into. And the speech Dumbledore had just given, reminded you painfully of the first one you had heard from him. Back in your first year, it had been the third floor that had been forbidden to enter. It had turned out that the Philosopher´s stone had been hidden there, guarded by three-headed dogs and killer plants. Somehow you and your friends had managed to protect the stone from You-know-who, even though you thought by now, a few years later, that it was sheer luck that some eleven-year-olds had managed to do so. Somehow whenever Harry and you along with his other friends once more saved the day, it was barely anything else but luck. Sometimes you wondered how it was even possible that all of you were still alive. You just prayed that this year, you wouldn´t have to deal with whatever the reason was that this part of the school was forbidden. You were fully convinced that there was nothing in this school that was worth it risking your life once more. Only for one time, the Professors who were in this school and all the other older, more experienced and actual accountable people should take care of whatever they had planned. You were pretty sure, the others thought the same. But you also knew that as soon as the situation would become precarious, Harry would be the first one playing the hero, and Hermione, Ron and you would be there as usual to have his back. And as much as you hated all the trouble you had gotten into because of your friends, you also wouldn’t want to have it any other way. Because after all they were your best friends and you wouldn’t replace them for anything in this world.

“How could I´ve been so stupid?”, you cursed only a few days later.

“Do you want me to wait for you?”, Hermione offered, but you shook your head.

“No, it´s enough if I´m late to Snape´s class. Don´t want you to get detention too.”

“You could just copy my homework really quick.”

“Thanks, Mione, but I´ll just get back and get mine. If I hurry, I might even still be on time.”

Your best friend nodded and you threw her a small smile before you turned around and rushed back to your dorm. It was stupid enough to forget your homework in your dorm and only notice five minutes before class, but to forget the homework Snape had given you, was superlative dumb. Quickly, you ran to your dorm, grabbed the parchment and sprinted back to the dungeons. A quick glance at your watch made you sigh in relief. You had still two minutes left. Much would have to go wrong to not make the last twenty metres in this time.

But obviously, something went wrong. Just as you were about to get into the classroom, someone stepped in your way.

“Well, well, well, look who´s here.”, you heard a voice sneering. “You actually pay us the respect to come to our class.”

You stared up into the cold grey eyes of Draco Malfoy. Since your first year, the Slytherin boy hated you and you felt just the same towards him. And over the years the hostility between the two of you had only grown. You weren´t exactly sure how it had started. Obviously, you were a Gryffindor and a friend of Harry, but there was something more about your enmity. Something more personal. And because of that, neither of you left a chance to humiliate the other one. Just like Malfoy did now. It was your first direct contact that year. For sure, you had stolen some glances full of hate and had whispered with your friends about the other one, but that wasn’t the same as facing him the way you did now.

Malfoy must have grown several centimetres over the holidays. He had always been taller than you, but now he towered you for around one head. His smug grin and the way his grey eyes sparkled in the light of the torches at the walls, made you suspect nothing good.

You tried to dive away under his arm that was leaning against the door of the entrance, but his gorillas Crabbe and Goyle blocked the way. As you tiptoed, you could see Professor Snape standing at his desk, watching the scene with the same uninterested face he always had. He knew exactly what was going on, but still, he didn´t lift a finger to do something about it.

“Don’t you want to apologise (Y/l/n)?”, Malfoy purred in a silky voice.

But you weren’t that easy to fool.

“Apologise for what?”

“You ran into me. I think you should apologise for that. Don’t you think boys?”

Crabbe and Goyle, who were still standing next to Malfoy with their arms crossed in front of their chest, nodded in agreement.

“I think then it´s on you to apologize Malfoy because you are blocking my way, not the other way around.”, you hissed.

Malfoy shook his head in fake disappointment and took a step closer. His chest was by now nearly touching yours and you could feel his hot breath hitting your face. But you refused to step back, not willing to admit -neither to you nor to him- that his presence intimidated you.

“Not very polite, are you? But I tell you something. If you are asking me nicely, I will not only let you through, but I will also forget that you were so rude before.”

You couldn’t help but laugh.

“Dream on Malfoy.”

“Such a shame, because I can stand here all day.”

“I don’t think Professor Snape will appreciate this.”, you responded.

You glanced over Malfoy´s shoulder at said Professor, who still didn’t show any intention to step in.

“I think the Professor will be very happy if I teach you some manners.”, Malfoy said, still grinning.

When Goyle turned around at the mention of the name of the Professor, you took your chance and once more tried to squeeze yourself through the gap, but Malfoy was quick to grab your wrist. His gaze fell on the parchment in your hand and with a quick movement, he took it.

“What do we have here?”, he asked, as he unfold the paper. “If that isn’t your homework (Y/l/n). You are probably already looking forward to handing it in, don’t you?”

You bit your lip, not wanting to provoke Malfoy any further. You didn’t want this situation to escalate. Especially not in front of Snape. Because you knew, no matter how much you were the victim of the situation, he would find a way to put the blame on you.

“It probably took you very long to do this, didn’t it (Y/l/n)?”, Malfoy asked as he inspected the text on the parchment that had taken you at least five hours to write. “Would be a shame if something would happen to it.”

“Don’t you dare.”, you spit out through gritted teeth.

But Malfoy grabbed, with a shit-eating grin on his face, his wand and pointed at the parchment. You tried to grab it, but he held it over his head, so it was out of reach for you.

“Incendio.”

And just like that, hours of work burst into flames. You watched the paper slowly burn down, the ash fluttering to the ground. On the cold stone floor, the last sparks expired. You stared at the boy in front of you in disbelief. He had really had the audacity to burn your homework in front of the teacher, that had assigned it. From the corner of your eye, you saw Hermione trying to hold back Ron and Harry, who were already ready to fight Malfoy and his friends. But you knew that wouldn’t make the situation any better.

“You won´t get away with that Malfoy. Not this time.” Your voice sounded calm.

Even though you would have loved to hex the boy in front of you right away, you knew that by now you had done nothing wrong. Professor Snape had seen everything, as well as the entire class. And even the head of the Slytherin house couldn’t ignore what had just happened. While you stared into Malfoys grey eyes, you could see some uncertainty in them. He knew that he might had taken it too far.

That´s when the bell rang. Malfoy stepped aside, implying his friends to do the same. You walked past him and looked at Professor Snape, whose eyes were fixed on you.

“Miss (Y/l/n).”

“Professor?”

You expected him to say something about what Malfoy had just done, but instead, a small smile appeared on his face.

“You´re too late.”

Your face fell.

“Professor, I…”

“Five points from Gryffindor.”

You heard your schoolmates behind you whispering indignantly.

“Now, that you´re already standing, would you mind presenting your homework to the class?”

“Professor, I don’t have my homework, you know that.”

You had to take a deep breath to stay calm. The worst thing about the situation was that there was nothing you could do about it. And Professor Snape knew it. Just as well as Malfoy who leaned in the doorframe with a smug grin on his face. You felt your cheeks redden.

“Do I?”, Professor Snape said, raising an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed.

“You saw Malfoy burning it.”

“I saw Mr Malfoy burning some paper. That is, as far as I know, no crime. But if you know it better, feel free to explain it to me Miss (Y/l/n). After all I´m only your teacher.”

You could hear the Slytherins giggling behind your back. You kept your mouth shut.

“At first you come late to class, then you don’t have your homework and then you want to blame Mr Malfoy for your failure. Even if I didn’t expect much from you Miss (Y/l/n), you still manage to somehow disappoint me. Twenty points from Gryffindor. Sit down and for the next class I expect you to do the homework you were given for this lesson, but not one roll of parchment, but two.”

You clenched your jaw as you went to your desk and sat down.

“But Professor…”, Harry spoke up.

“I don’t remember asking you a question Mr Potter.”

“But it was Malfoy who…”, Ron tried.

“Silence!”, Snape sneered. “And the next person who will speak up without my permission will get detention for an entire month.”

You saw your friends looking at you, raising an eyebrow questioningly, silently asking you if it was worth the risk, but you just shook your head. Malfoy wasn’t worth a second of detention. And you would get your revenge sooner or later. That´s what you swore yourself when you saw the boy swaggering to his desk, earning nothing more than a warning gaze from Snape.

A few weeks later, you still hadn’t forgotten the incident. By now you had gotten your revenge -in a mysterious way when Crookshanks had thrown up some hairballs, Malfoy´s essay for transfiguration had been a great base and Professor McGonagall had been anything but pleased when Malfoy had wanted to blame the cat-, but the bickering between Malfoy and you just went on and on and it was unlikely that anything would change soon. While most of the people around you over the last few years had hoped that the fights would get less intense the older and more mature you would get, it was actually quite the opposite. The older you got, the more knowledge you gathered, and you used everything against the other one. By now, the tension between Malfoy and you was nearly unbearable. Whenever you saw the blond had of the boy somewhere in the castle, you had to fight the urge to just walk up to him and… You weren’t exactly sure what you wanted to do, probably just slap him right across the face. Because by now watching from a safe distance when your curses or pranks hit him, didn’t satisfy you the way it used to. It felt as if you would need physical contact, to not only see but feel what you could do to him. By now, being away from him was nearly as painful as being near him. But whenever you told your friends about it, they just rolled their eyes or started teasing you about it. They just couldn’t understand how desperate you were.

“I´m still wondering what is in this corridor, that we aren’t allowed to enter it.”, you said.

You were on your way to the next class, together with Hermione.

“I thought you didn’t want to have to do anything with it.”, Hermione said, raising an eyebrow.

“I just don’t want to deal with whatever is behind that door. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to know.”, you corrected her.

“I can´t believe I´m saying this, but this time I think I prefer not to know. Nothing could be interesting enough to risk our lives once more.”, Hermione laughed.

“Or worse, risk getting expelled.”, you teased your friend, making her roll her eyes and blush slightly. “But you´re right. Nothing in this world could get me in there.”

“Scared (Y/l/n)?”, you heard a familiar voice behind you.

You groaned and turned around.

“Are you following us around Malfoy?”

“Don’t distract (Y/l/n).”, the blond boy grinned, taking a bite from his green apple.

“Who´s distracting now?”, you mumbled. “But for your information Malfoy, I´m not scared.”

“Well, proof it then. And for your information (Y/l/n), I´m not following you. Unfortunately, and believe me, no one regrets this more than I do, it happens that we have some classes together and with that also the same ways.”

“Proofing it? How?”

“Get in there.”, Malfoy nodded in the direction of the closed door behind you.

If you had said not even a minute ago that nothing in this world would get you in there, you might had to correct yourself. Nothing could get you in there, but maybe someone. You knew it was stupid to let yourself provoke by Malfoy´s words. But as soon as you heard his voice, you felt your body tense, the hate you felt towards him clouding all rational thinking.

“Why should I?”, you asked, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“To proof you are not a coward.”

Thant was the sore point of every Gryffindor.

“I´m not a coward.”, you snapped back.

Malfoy looked at you unimpressed.

“Like I said. Proof it then.”

“(Y/n), don’t.”, you heard Hermione whispering.

“What´s the benefit of it?”, you asked, ignoring her.

Malfoy shrugged his shoulders.

“Show everyone you´re not a coward.”

“Think I´ve done it enough times. Thank you very much, Besides, I bet there´s nothing in this world that could get you in there Malfoy.”

You could see a small crack in his façade, as his eyes flickered to the door and back to you.

“Obviously, I don’t want to get expelled.”

“Well, then tell me again, who´s the coward?”, you chirped and smiled at him sweetly.

You could see Malfoy´s ears turn slightly pink.

“I will go if you will go.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“You won´t dare to do so anyway.”

“Oh yeah? Try me.”

But just as you wanted to respond, you heard a small mew and saw Mrs Norris sneaking around the corner.

“C´mon let´s just leave (Y/n). That´s not worth it.”, Hermione pleaded.

But just as you wanted to obey and follow her, Malfoy held you back.

“Meet me here after class. If you dare to, of course.”

“Don’t worry Malfoy, I will.”

You were standing in front of the door on the fifth floor, bouncing your leg nervously. Malfoy was nowhere in sight. In the last two classes, you had been way too distracted to actually listen to what the teachers were saying. Your eyes had regularly drifted to Malfoy, sometimes meeting his gaze, making shivers run down your spine. After the class, you had quickly separated from Hermione, not wanting to listen to one of her endless lectures about what could possibly go wrong. You were quite excited to find out what was hidden behind the door and soon, you would find out. But only if Malfoy would appear of course. Just as your thoughts drifted to the tall Slytherin boy once more, said the boy got you out of your thoughts.

“Didn’t think you would actually come here.”, you greeted him.

“How could I not take this chance to expose the Gryffindor princess?”, he responded.

You just rolled your eyes.

“Shall we?”

“If you dare to.”, Malfoy´s voice sounded arrogant as usual, but you noticed that his face was even more pale than usual.

You looked in all directions once more, making sure, no one else was in sight. Then you walked up towards the door, Malfoy only a few steps behind you. You took a deep breath and reached for the doorknob.

Locked.

You grabbed your wand.

“Alohomora.”, you mumbled and touched the knob lightly with your wand.

You heard a click. The door was open.

Slowly, you pushed the door open. The corridor behind it was dark. You looked at Malfoy, who gave you a short nod. You took a deep breath and stepped through the door.

“Lumos.”, you whispered.

Malfoy did just the same.

Slowly, your eyes got used to the sallow light of your wands.

“Wait, that´s it?”, Malfoy asked in disbelieve.

You sighted in disappointment. The corridor behind the locked door looked nothing different to the other corridors in the castle. There was nothing special about it.

You turned your head in every direction, but there was nothing spectacular in sight.

“Well, I guess we can leave again.”, Malfoy stated.

For some reason, he still sounded nervous.

“Now that we are here, we might as well look around.”, you said.

You ignored the protest of the boy and walked along the aisle. Malfoy followed shortly behind you. At the end of the corridor, you got to another door. It was locked as well.

“We might as well get back now. In my opinion, we spent more than enough time together now for the next few years.”, Malfoy grumbled.

“This was your idea, remember?”, you hissed, before turning to the door again. “Alohomora.”

Nothing happened. You jiggled the doorknob, but still, it didn´t open.

“You fail even at the simplest tasks, don’t you?”, Malfoy sneered.

“Why don’t you try then?”

“Alohomora.”

Nothing happened.

After a few just as unsuccessful spells, you sighted.

“Well, I guess now we have to kick down the door.”

Malfoy looked at you as if you had lost your mind.

“Relax, that was a joke. Unless you want to…”

Malfoy shook his head eagerly.

“Don’t want to get into any more trouble because of you.”

Then he turned on his heels and went in the direction of the exit. You were quick to follow him.

“Because of me?”

“Of course. You forced me to get in here.”

“I forced you? This was your idea. If anyone forced someone, you forced me.”, you hissed.

You couldn’t believe that Malfoy once more tried to put the blame on you.

“But if you…”, he stopped. “Have you heard that?”

“Heard what?”

“Shh!”

“You asked me a question and I just…”

“Quiet.”, he hissed.

You fell silent and listened into the dark.

“I saw the door standing open, Professor, so I immediately informed you.”

“Very well, Mr Filch. I will take a look.”

You froze. This was the voice of Professor McGonagall.

“You didn’t close the door?”, you whispered.

“I thought you…”

“How, you were behind me.”

“You did…”

You didn’t listen to Malfoy anymore, as you looked around in panic. There was no place to hide. You heard the footsteps coming closer.

“Nox.”, Malfoy whispered and you did just the same.

As if this would help.

“How are we going to explain this?”, Malfoy whispered.

You could hear the fear in his voice.

You shrugged your shoulders, even though he couldn’t see you. Through the small opening in the door, there was just enough light in the corridor to see Malfoy´s silhouette. How should you explain what you were doing here? Professor McGonagall would think you wanted to find out what was hidden here. Which was also kind of true. There was no other reason, why you should be sneaking around in a dark empty corridor with Malfoy…

Or maybe there was one.

The footsteps had by now nearly reached the door. There was not much time to think about it any further.

And so you didn’t think about it anymore before you pressed your lips on those of the boy you hated with all your passion.

Malfoy backed up immediately.

“What the…”

“Quiet!”, you hissed, before shutting him down with your lips again.

After a few seconds, Malfoy seemed to have understood too, because he started moving his lips against yours and placed his hands on your waist. You could taste the sour apple on his lips and smell his expensive cologne as you wrapped your arms around his neck. All the anger and frustration from the last years were released in this one kiss, even if it only lasted a few seconds. Because then, the door swung open and a searing light blinded you.

“What are you doing here? Students are not allowed to…”

Professor McGonagall stopped as she saw the scene in front of her and shook her head in disbelief. (Y/n) (Y/l/n) in the arms of Draco Malfoy, two students who were like cat and mouse, like day and night. And now she had caught them snugging.

“Miss… Miss (Y/l/n), Mr Malfoy…”, Professor McGonagall stuttered, as her gaze drifted from one to another. “You… You know you aren’t allowed to be here, don’t you?”

You looked up at Malfoy, who stared at you in awe, obviously too confused by what had just happened to answer. Then you looked at Professor McGonagall and looked at her shamefacedly. The heat that had crept on your cheeks due to the situation did the rest.

“I´m so sorry Professor. The door was open and we didn’t think about where we were. We´ll leave immediately.”

You smiled at her innocently, hoping she would believe you. You knew your head of the house wasn’t easy to get fooled, but Professor McGonagall seemed to be so surprised by the situation, that she just nodded.

“Yes, yes. Alright. But just… don’t go here anymore. It´s dangerous.”

Malfoy, who had by now got a hold on himself again nodded, while he wrapped an arm around your waist.

“My apologies, Professor. We just wanted to be undisturbed.”

Professor McGonagall nodded diffusedly.

“Very well, now get out of here. And if I will ever catch you again, both of you will serve detention.”

“Excuse me Professor, but would you mind telling us, why the corridor…”, you started, still curious about what was going on after all, but Professor McGonagall interrupted you.

“Don’t try your luck Miss (Y/l/n).”

And the look on her face told you that you should just leave it and be happy about the fact that you had gotten off so lightly.

When you walked past her, Malfoy´s arm still around your waist, you heard her muttering something about owning Professor Dumbledore ten Galleons.

As soon as you were out of sight, Malfoy immediately let go of you. The two of you stared at the ground in awkward silence, until you cleared your throat.

“Well, sorry about… I just thought it would be better than… well, you know…”, you stuttered, not knowing what you actually had been thinking when you had kissed him.

But Malfoy just nodded.

“It´s alright. I mean it worked, didn’t it? We got out of there. No detention, no points lost.”

“Yeah, looked as if we have caught her off guard.”

You lifted your head and saw Malfoy looking at you as well. You weren’t exactly sure why, but suddenly, both of you busted into laughter.

“Her face was great.”, Malfoy chuckled.

“So was yours.”, you responded.

“Don’t you dare telling anyone about that.”

“Why should I? Do you think I want anyone to know I had to ironically kiss you?”

“Oh (Y/l/n), don’t tell me you hadn’t waited for this the last few years.”

Even though you knew that this wasn’t true, you couldn’t help but blush.

“You wish Malfoy.”, you mumbled.

“Maybe I do.”

Your gaze shot up.”

“What?”

“Maybe I do wish you wanted to kiss me.”, he said, still a teasing smile on his face.

“I never wanted to kiss you.”, you clarified, just to make sure he wouldn’t get any wrong ideas.

“And now?”

“What now?”

“Do you want to kiss me now?”, Malfoy asked, still grinning.

You wanted to blurt out “No!” immediately, but for some reason, you hesitated. Your gaze flickered from his eyes to his lips. Before you had kissed him you hadn’t thought that lips that could speak in a rude way like Malfoy always did, could be so soft and taste so sweet. You hadn’t thought that hands that had done nothing but hexing and pranking you, could feel so good on your skin. You hadn’t thought that the teasing, Malfoy mastered as no one else, could make you want more. But for some reason, it was that way. For some reason, this kiss had been so intoxicating that it made you ache for more.

When you didn’t answer, Malfoy´s face grew serious.

“That was a joke, you know that, don’t you?”

“Of course it was.”, you scoffed. “I kissed you because I had to. That was a one-time thing. It will never happen again. Don’t pride yourself on that Malfoy.”

Malfoy nodded, looking at you with a gaze you couldn’t quite identify but that made you shiver, nevertheless.

“I… I´ll just leave then.”, you stuttered.

You wanted nothing more but to stay, but you knew that this was the worst idea you had ever had. Because you knew you had to get away from him to make up your mind again. For some reason, you couldn’t think straight as long as Malfoy was near you and you had to do so if you would want to find out what in the name of Godric was suddenly wrong with you.

That´s why you turned around and left. But you didn’t even make it two meters before you had some quick footsteps behind you and a large hand closed around your smaller one. You stopped and turned around again, just to look into Malfoy´s face, only centimetres away from yours.

“Don’t leave.”, he whispered, before pressing his lips on yours again.

And this time, no one interrupted you. You felt your confusion vanishing with every second you felt his lips on yours, your hands on his chest, his hand in your hair. It was replaced with a certainty that this was where you belonged. When you pulled away, you breathed heavily.

You stared at the boy in front of you, unable to tear your gaze apart. Draco tucked some loose strands of hair behind your ear before his thumb caressed your swollen lips.

“Don’t leave.”, he said once more, as he leaned his forehead against yours.

“I won´t.”, you responded quietly.

A small smile appeared on Draco´s lips before he placed a small, much gentler kiss on your lips.

Suddenly a small giggle escaped your throat. Draco frowned and looked at you with narrowed eyes.

“I´m sorry. It´s just… All the time I thought I just want to punch you when actually…”

The mocking grin appeared on Draco´s face again.

“Don’t get fooled by this love. I still want to do so. And I will still ruin your life one day. But for now,” He placed a small kiss on the tip of your nose. “This works just as well.”

You brushed the hair that had fallen into his face out of the way before your hand slowly wandered from his cheek to his neck.

“If you´ll go on like this, you´re on the best way to ruin my life Malfoy.”, you smiled.

“Then that´s what I want to do for the rest of my life.”

Taglist: @xodracomalfoyxo @marigold-morelli @writingwitch007

[mirobami]

Hi!!!

If you're still taking requests can you do a

Haikyuu AU where s/o goes to Karasuno High School and they go to their game but they end up getting injured but won the match (you can choose what position we played)

Can you do it for Kirari, Sayaka, Yuriko and Yumeko

P.s: love your work🤗

↳ haikyuu au

❤ GENRE: fluff, a tiny bit of angst if you really look for it, comfort.

❤ CHARACTER(S): k. momobami, s. igarashi, y. nishinotouin, y. jabami

❤ SYNOPSIS: in request!

❤ NOTE: this entire thing made me miss hq ngl but YES omg my first yuriko request

━ KIRARI MOMOBAMI ;

Karasuno High School wasn't seen as a powerhouse and Kirari knew it but she knew that with you on the team, there was no way you couldn't change that

You were the wing spiker, the ace and the captain, you had had to explain the numerical ranking to her and what you did as well as what every position did, so when she arrived, she was eagerly waiting to see you

Already she could see that you truly carried your team, focusing on your motions that no one else but you, your team, and her could decipher

Everything was going well, you were even winning but of course, good luck was never complete without a sprinkle of bad luck

Kirari could sense it before it happened; one of the fast balls came hurtling towards someone's face but they froze and you stepped in to get the ball, only for it to crack against your left wrist

There was a timeout and you were holding your injured wrist, biting your lip to not let any sound leave, but Kirari could see your eyes glossed over from the sheer pain

She raced down to find you, being taken by your coach to the infirmary, she could even hear you saying, "I'm fine! Put me back in, we have to win this!"

She was sitting with you in the office so you wouldn't leave; your wrist was broken from the force of the ball because you blocked it from hitting another person's face

You said, "I knew you were watching too, so I wanted to win. Guess we're gonna live up to our reputation as losers."

Kirari smiled softly, "You aren't a loser, I wouldn't be with you if you were one."

When you were released, your entire team came racing after you, hugging you and cheering; due to how harshly you played, you gave them the head start they needed to win

Kirari could sense your happiness and she was right, she had a sixth sense for these sort of things

━ SAYAKA IGARASHI ;

Sayaka had requested a day off from being secretary so that she could go to your game, after hearing that this would be the game to determine if you could go to Nationals or not

You were the middle blocker, meaning that you were in charge of ensuring nothing got past you

She knew her volleyball positions, so you better believe she was focused on everyone and tried to guess what their positions were before the game started

The second you saw her in the stands, your face lit up and you seemed more concentrated than usual, the others noticing this as well

No volleyball got past you, you were blocking and receiving them like it was nobody's business, the crowd was going wild and Sayaka had a tiny lovesick grin on her face as she watched you play the sport you loved dearly

It was an important game, after all, no wonder you were putting everything you had into it; but sometimes, putting everything into something could cause a person to crash

That was what happened to you when a volleyball came your way and you were too early to block it, meaning that when it actually hit you, it made the tip of your finger twist back

You landed on the ground, gripping your hand and Sayaka immediately panicked at seeing your team surrounding you, following by your manager leading you out

She ran down to find you and she saw you fighting with your manager, saying, "I'll be fine, just let me go back! We have to go to Nationals!"

"No, Y/N, you can't play in your condition."

"Your manager is right." Sayaka chimed in, before leading you away to take you to the infirmary

You were patched up instantly, the nurse taping two of your fingers together so that it couldn't possibly move under any condition and Sayaka asked, "Are you really going back in?"

"Sayaka, we have to go to Nationals. I need to make sure people see us."

"...Okay, I will support you."

Due to your comeback, the team was even more fierce, trying to avenge you until you stepped on the court

You finally won a few hits after you entered the game and Sayaka could see how ecstatic you were, even turning around to wink at her

Sayaka couldn't stop smiling at you for the rest of the day, ever so proud of you

━ YURIKO NISHINOTOUIN ;

She knew your school’s reputation, but she wouldn’t let that stop her; she had your game to go to and she would be damned if she missed it

She knew everything there was to know about volleyball, so when you told her your position as the setter, she knew that you, as experienced as you were, knew all the tricks needed to win

Due to her position in the student council, she did get some looks because no one knew why she was here until you happily skipped over in the middle of the team meeting to greet her

She saw you being dragged back and she smiled to herself, noticing how the other team's setter was desdly serious, meanwhile you were more bouncy at seeing her

When the game started, her focus was on you but it seemed as though there was no one in the audience, it was just you, your team and your opponents

You used the tricks you and Yuriko studied long ago and she could feel a swell of pride go up in her as she saw you win multiple times just due to your experience and strategies

But she could sense disaster wanting to happen soon

It hit when you did faked a set and instead merely pushed it over the net when you jumped; when you landed, your ankle made you topple over and you crashed to the ground, cradling your ankle

Yuriko was the first one to stand up in a panic, watching as the team gathered around you; your ankle, from her line of sight, did not look good and you even had to be carried out by your coach

She joined you in the infirmary just in time for the nurse to say you wouldn't be able to continue playing for the rest of the game since you had a grave sprain

You hid your face in your hands, feeling disappointed and ashamed: "Right at the finish line, I decide to lose."

Yuriko was rubbing your book soothingly, shaking her head, "It wasn't your fault, my flower. Do not blame yourself for what you cannot control."

She helps you walk out of the infirmary, not expecting a roar from your teammates rushing to get to you and explain everything, but the major point was that they had won to avenge you

With a tired smile, you patted the substitute setter on the back, telling them how proud you were

Yuriko, when you two were alone said, "I'm proud of you, you know. Most people would have been reckless about their health. You've done everything and you got your reward when you thought everything was done for."

She is prouder than she lets on, but she will not stop talking about your game to the stident council

━ JABAMI YUMEKO ;

You were the libero on the team, therefore you were the most capable of getting injured, but somehow, you never got injured and you were always excited about the next game

This time, you were even more excited when Yumeko said that you would be going to your game

You had given her your extra jersey to wear and she wore it proudly, even shouted good luck to you from the stands; the other team members could see how energetic you were before the game, almost as if Yumeko's presence was giving you more energy

The game's first set was easily won by your team, you never let a ball fall and you were consistently keeping the ball up in the air, saving it when it needed to be saved

Even though Karasuno was not a powerhouse, you were

Yumeko could see your level compared to everyone else and she saw how much effort you put into your playing style

It was unfortunate however, that even though you kept up your streak of never injuring yourself, it had to happen in the last set that would be the tie breaker

You had dived to get a ball, but something happened with your knee, causing it to crack loudly on the ground and you fell to the side, not moving at all out of fear

There was a crowd around you and before you knew it, the pain was too much to bear, leading you to go to the hospital

Yumeko was right there with you and she could see how frustrated you were with yourself

"I just wanted to win for us! I wanted to make you proud..."

"And what makes you think I'm not proud?"

Yumeko had a feeling that your team had won, but she wouldn't tell you yet because she didn't want to give you false hope nor make you feel worse that you weren't with the team

However, she was right, you ended up getting a call from the team, all of them screaming that they won

Yumeko was happy for your team, knowing this was your first step to recovering and your first major step into becoming known as a powerhouse

[sleepydrabbles]

I had this funny hybrid of those feelings, like yeah I got pissed at him because I’ve never liked his type, but also? He’s fascinating and Izuku’s sheer determination to continue thinking positively about him had me wondering how he’d turn out even while I laughed every time his ass got kicked. By about halfway through the second season I was rolling on the floor laughing whenever he got mad because it was so clearly performative, and like? Go him.

I envied him in a way because he was so FUCKING wild. Like, imagine knowing Izuku for a decade and still being a little shit like that. That’s a strong personality and we won’t get into why but I’ve always lived for characters with strong personalities. I love how his character development hasn’t smoothed him into a completely different person because even now, in the manga, you could watch that snot-nosed brat peek through again (and yeah I’m up to date shush I’m also in denial). All of the other characters have to get back in touch with who they were as children somehow, but Bakugo? He was there all along, as immature and ridiculous as it made him sometimes. He got into all the trouble a super powered fifteen year old with a temper and an ego as high as the sky can get himself into and I respect that.

The fact that I went from “oh god you BITCH(derogatory)” to “OH MY GOD YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE(affectionate)” over the course of a season and THEN kinned him for over a year says enough, I think.

something i think is really funny about me compared to everyone else i know in this fandom:

i have always liked katsuki bakugou.

day one, episode one, april 2022 and i hate anime more than anything else in the world, sitting at my desk with my laptop dimmed in a pitch-black bedroom. the show starts. “why are you being so mean? you’re making him cry, kacchan!”

and then this brat of a boy pops up on screen, and he looks menacing as hell and his little fists are sparking and i’m sitting there going “yeah, he’s gonna be one hell of a little bastard.”

and i loved that about him!

i think it’s funny that so many people watch the first season and go “man i hate bakugou” and then either decide to hate him forever or they stop hating him once they see his progress.

but i never had that phase of “oh look this kid’s a fucking bully and i hate him”. it was always just “man, he’s a little shit! i love it!”

and i wonder why i had that reaction compared to seemingly everyone else in the fandom who hated him at first.

and it’s not because i didn’t like deku! i loved deku, too! he was a little nerd and he was so observant and smart and eager! and baby deku watching that video of all might, man, talk about cute.

maybe it’s because i knew from the beginning that neither of them were the bad guy in the story. for all my skill at writing, i really don’t know much about character elements — protagonist, antagonist sure, but when you get into the nitty-gritty (what’s a deuteragonist? no clue), i get lost. but i didn’t need to know any of that to look at that first episode and go, “yeah, neither of them are the villain in this story.” because man, idk about the rest of you but it’s glaringly obvious from day one. bakugou might’ve been a bully, but he wasn’t a bad guy.

or maybe it’s because i understood bakugou from the beginning and i didn’t need any of his backstory to know why he was like that. could be either.

i dunno. but anyways. did you guys like bakugou at first or are you part of the “hated him when i first saw it/before i understood him but i like him now” crowd?

edit: here’s me saying it again I LOVE YOU GUYS BUT INTERACT WITH MY SHIT MORE THAN JUST LIKING IT

IM NOT GOING TO BITE YOU ITS OKAY TO COMMENT YOUR THOUGHTS OR REBLOG MY POSTS. MY BLOG IS HERE FOR YOU TO INTERACT WITH NOT IGNORE

[themrsackerman]

Angel of Paradis

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader

Warnings: Spoilers from Season 4. Mentions of gun violence, blood, death

A/N: Now I know EP8 is only the beginning of the end but goddamn it hurts!! I love potato girl and losing her just tore me to bits. So here, take this. Its my way of coping I guess..

Levi is pissed off. From the start, he disliked the plan but it wasn't like Eren gave you all much of a choice. So the moment the kid got on the airship, he was welcomed with one of the captain's infamous kicks. The cockpit wall quakes with the impact and Hange sighs, shooting you a look. "I think you need to get out there and make sure Levi doesn't kill Eren, Y/n." She says exasperatedly and you nod, rising from your seat next to Onyankopon.

"I'll be right back." You say and she flashes you a knowing grin, shaking her head slightly. Even the commander knows you're the only one who could reign in the Levi Ackerman.

You see Levi on the corner glaring at Eren as he was being tied up. You sigh heavily, seeing Eren steaming as he heals. Jaw probably unhinged from the captain's kick. You sat beside him on the bench and pulled out a handkerchief, wiping his face clean from dirt and blood.

"Y/n-san." He greets you monotonously and you gave him a kind smile. "Hey, kid." You greet back, tucking loose strands of his now long hair behind his ear.

Your heart aches at the sight. He used to have so much fire, had the same will to fight for humanity that you only ever saw in your mentor, Erwin. Now all you see is ember of pure hatred and cold blooded need for revenge. "I'm glad you're okay." You murmur. Eren's blank stare softens for a second and a small smile hints the corner of his mouth. "Glad to see you too, Lieutenant." He says quietly and out of the corner of your eyes, you see Levi roll his eyes and make a disgruntled sound as he turns around.

You walk up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Levi meets your gaze with his dull gray ones for a second and sighs, his expression softening too. At this you smile a little and say, "We still have a long battle to fight ahead of us, Captain. Things might not have gone smoothly, but we won today." You remind him and as if proving your point, right on the other side of the ship you hear the soldiers celebrate as they reunite.

"You're right." He agrees. Levi then takes a deep breath and grabs the hand you placed on his shoulder so he can bring it to his face. He turns his head and placed a chaste kiss on your palm. Your heart flutters at the gesture. It isn't grand but was still something you couldn't quite get used to. You two never declared your love for one another, never really had the luxury of time or chance to do so, but small acts like this was enough to let you know that your presence provided him the calm he sorely needs. And that was all you want. Be his peace in this war.

"I'm going to check if the rest of the squad made it back up." You tell him, grazing your thumb on his lower lip and he reluctantly lets you go. "Be back as soon as you can. Meeting will start as soon as this fucking monkey heals enough." He says, cold glare flashing at the other Jaeger who is a pile of steam still laying on the ground. "Okay, I'll just check on Lima's squad. They're the last ones to be picked up supposedly." Levi nods again and watches you leave before turning to talk to Yelena.

You smile past Floch and the other soldiers who are weeping, hugging and making their tributes for those whom had fallen in battle. You then saw three of the soldiers you've grown close with through the years. They were huddled in the corner, sharing a hug.

You hear Jean say in protest, "Dont hug people with that lump ass iron gear on.", while shrugging off Connie's arm. You chuckle at this and tackled him back to the embrace. "Shut the hell up, Jean. I would take Connie's armored hugs any day!" To which the trio whines out, " Lieutenant Y/l/n!!" when you squished them tight.

Although the new gear designed by Hange was in deed not made for hugging, you four relaxed in the uncomfortable embrace. Grounded by the fact that you all made it safe despite the battle you had just gone through. Connie and Sasha smile up at you while Jean tries to still look annoyed, although the softness in his eyes says otherwise.

The soldiers left below start coming in and the cheering just grows even louder. You didn't have the heart to stop them because you yourself are quite happy that today was a success despite some casualties. Now, you have the War Hammer titan as well and were able to destroy the fleet. Now, the Eldians' chance stands higher against this damn war.

"Did you hear that just now?"

Sasha asks out of the blue and you turn to her in wonder. Honestly you couldn't hear anything but the soldiers celebrating. But out of the lot of you, you know Sasha's sense of hearing is far superior than all of you combined. So you take a step back from the crowd and actually looked around.

"Hey, quiet down!!"Jean yells over the chanting but Floch shouts, "Make some noise! Victory!!!" And was echoed by the rest as they embraced and pumped their fists in the air.

"Hey!" Jean tries again only to be pulled by Connie to the side to ask, "Isn't Lobov-san still out there?"

"No, I think he came aboard." Jean says thoughtfully and this was when something didn't sit quite right with you. Commander Lobov is a man that is hard to miss. And with his dedication to this mission to make up for his years being a useless garrison, he would be amongst the soldiers cheering the loudest for the said victory.

Your instincts has never failed you before and its the very reason why you are so good at your job and able to survive this long. But sometimes, you wish that your instincts aren't always right because you always perceive danger. And right now, every fiber of your being is telling you something is fucking wrong.

That if you were to look out the airship right now, you'll probably see the commander lifeless.

Or worse, an enemy may have made its way up to the ship.

Your blood runs cold for a split second before you acted purely out of instinct. You shove Sasha to the side, dreading as you head for the airship's side door and at the exact moment.. someone aboards.

Your gaze met the kid's muddy brown ones. It was determined, filled with fury and you saw that there isn't any trace of hesitation as her finger pulls the trigger. You knew you didn't stand a chance judging by look on her face and her sure aim on your torso. The word of warning you want to let out was caught in your throat as she fires.

You remember seeing those crazed brown eyes and then the ceiling of the airship the next. The sensation of what can only be compared to fire piercing your skin spreads through your chest and insides like molten metal. You hear the indistinct noise of the soldiers' voices grow louder yet muffled at the same time around you.

From happy cheers to manic, hysterical screaming.

You couldn't catch your breath at first and you aren't sure from which. Was it from falling flat on your back? Or was it the searing pain that made tears leak from your eyes?

And then above the chaos, you hear your three closest comrades call your name in unison.

"Lieutenant Y/n, hey!!!" Connie's frantic voice shrill through the limited space of the ship. "Hang in there, hey!" You feel him rattle you, placing his rough calloused hand against your cheek. Jean's panic stricken face comes to your field of vision and you whimper,  "A kid." You gasp. "In the airship."

"Bandages! Now! We need to stop the bleeding!" Jean commands shakily and the rest of the soldiers that aren't capturing the two intruders scramble to get the med kit and the captain.

"Y/n-san, please hold on until we make it to the island!!" Connie pleads but hopelessness crawls his veins as he sees your blood flood the wooden floors.

"Keep him safe." You whisper out to nobody. The captain in mind. Your eye lids grow heavy but you didn't want to close them. No. You can't die. You promised him.

"Don't you dare die on me, Y/l/n." His voice echoes in your mind, compelling you to keep breathing despite how excruciating it feels.

Sasha who was frozen at first, snapped out of her shock as she hears Connie's voice call your name out of sheer panic when your eyes fall close. She then runs to meet the soldier carrying the bandages and was at your side in an instant. With trembling hands, Sasha tries with all her might to wrap you up and stop the bleeding.

"No, no, no, no!!" She starts sobbing while watching the bandage turn red, your gushing blood seeping through no matter how tight she puts the wrap around you. "Y/n-san, no, you can't leave us like this." Sasha hiccups, wiping her tears hastily before grabbing your now cold clammy hand and pressing it to her face. "Please!" She cries, eyes falling close.

If you hadn't pushed her, if you didn't step in her place, it would have been her that got shot. Guilt rakes through her as she watches you desperately fight for your life.

You can feel yourself drifting and you felt helpless. You then meet Sasha's, Jean's and then Connie's gaze, muttering with your remaining strength, "Protect him." And it was no request but an order.

Jean stumbles away, his hands going over his ears, unable to stand your labored breaths and Connie and Sasha's whimpering. Jean felt like hurling when Floch turned the kids to him. The other responsible for you being on the brink of death.

But to those two kids, they are the enemies who wreck havoc to their hometown. Floch wanted to kill them and throw them out but what good would that do? Would taking their lives save yours? And knowing you, who practically treat soldiers like them like your kids even though you were just a few years older than them, you would be disappointed in him at the mere thought of hurting these kids.

Jean can almost hear your angelic voice, "They're just children." You would say. So with a vexed expression and heavy turmoil growing within him, he ties them up and led them to where the captain and commander are.

Jean swallows hard when the captain's cold gaze met his and asks, "Who are these kids?"

By the looks of it, he still does not know.

"They killed Lobov-san and used his gear to come aboard." A lump forms in his throat, suddenly can no longer meet the captain's gaze. "A-and this one here, she.. shot Lieutenant Y/l/n."

Levi's eyes widen. Did he just hear Jean correctly? You? Shot? You were with him just minutes ago. No, how is that possible?-

"Captain, I-I don't think she'll make it." He continues, voice faltering. The grievance in Jean's face make Levi's blood run cold. He stumbles forward a bit as Armin and Mikasa run past him but he seemed frozen in his tracks.

No.

You got hurt but you'll pull through this. You always have. You promised him. And you are one of the toughest people he knows.

Levi tries to convince himself as he glared back at Zeke. He tries to distract himself from the cold fear of losing you with the blinding rage he feels for the Beast Titan wielder. But then, the door swings open again and Levi felt something terribly wrong right away.

And when Connie appears with tears sliding down his face and says,

"Y/n-san.. is dead."

Levi's entire world shifts.

Everyone was shellshocked for a moment. Because how could you be gone just like that? When you were just with them just minutes ago providing comfort to all of them? Passing by and giving them a wave of peace and calmness like the angel that you are.

Hange wobbles, her knees growing weak and its as if someone had punched her in the chest. The pain reminiscent as the day she watched Moblit vanish before her eyes. You were her right hand woman. Her confidant.

Eren's head hung in disbelief. His mind clouded by your kind smile just earlier and telling him you're actually glad to see him. Him. The monster who had just devastated a whole town and killed probably thousands of people. He thought that by now, he'd have gotten used to losing the people around him but losing you is gutting him. Its was like losing family. A sister.

"Connie.. did Y/n-san have any last words?" He asks mindlessly, wanting to know what your last thoughts were. Connie blinks through his tears and his eyes drifts to the captain, whose face was undreadable and knuckles threatening to split open at how tightly his balled fists are clenched.

"She said.. 'Protect him.'" Connie mutters and Levi's facade breaks.

The mob of weeping soldiers parted as the captain staggers to the back of the ship where you lay. Armin and Mikasa were still curled up beside you, their faces red and puffy from wailing. Both of them reluctantly stood up and stepped away as he walks closer. His gaze was still trained on the ground as he puts one foot in front of the other.

He shudders and stop midstep as his foot steps on the crimson stained wood. Before he knows it, he falls on his knees with a thud. Your pale hand comes into his field of vision and he takes a deep shakey breath as he reaches for it. His eyes darts everywhere but your face. The bandage on your middle, the boots on your feet that he had his fair share of shinning as his token of appreciation for you making his morning teas, the emblem of the Wings of Freedom embedded on your breast plate.

Your hand felt cold and stiff against his. A stark contast of the warmth it exuded on his cheek just moments ago.

"Y/n?" He croaks.

Suddenly his breathing shallows as the deafening silence stretches on. He can still smell you but can no longer feel you although you're right fucking there. Levi wanted this to some fucked up nightmare. But then, as he steels his nerves and finally looked at your face, his heart shatters.

Your hair is uncharacteristically dishevelled, e/c eyes lifeless, pupils middilated and your mouth parted ever so slightly.

Levi pulls you in his arms frantically, plethora of would have been and should have been anchoring his heart into a sea of regret.

He should have never let you out the damn door.

He should have held you tighter.

He should have you talked to you longer.

He should have told you.. he loves you.

He never even got to tell you.

Levi's face crumples, face reddening before a resentful yell erupts from him. The soldiers wince at the sound. It was pure agony and it pierces through each and everyone of them, bringing the lot of them back to tears if they ever stopped in the first place.

The entire flight back to Paradis, Levi held you the way he wished he did while you were still with him.