#I should totally do this w/ a friend
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#no art#I should totally do this w/ a friend#fae rambles#digital art#art#pintrest#idk how to tag this
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the currently slightly rumoured god
#souma kanzaki#doodles#duck scribbles#target audience of two people at best. thank u for this silly idea beloved mutual and friend mar yume-fanfare#enstars#also implied adosou maybe. just because#anyways you should totally listen to this cute song from um. 10 years ago!!!!!!!!!#finally doing work on the fact i am a massive souma enjoyer 👍 silly guy#i rly have a habit of disappearing for like a month and coming back w doodles to no end huh
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i have no friends who care about me because my personality is boring and understimulating and i have no selling point as a friend and i am being left behind
#negative.#sometimes it’s like. oh i wish people liked me as much as i like them. lmao.#‘we should hang out!!’ ‘we should call!!’ ‘we should play a game!!’ okay but please actually do it :((#i feel like i take so much time to show love and care but maybe i’m doing it wrong?? do i seem fake?? is there something off putting??#i need better friends both online and offline because i’m socially starved#w the exception of like. two people??#every time i try it devolves into generic small talk#and there’s that autistic feeling that i’m saying everything wrong. i’m doing it wrong. they’re giving me that look or their text format#has changed and i’m being wrong#i can’t break out of it. i’ve just stopped reaching out these past couple months and like. genuinely no one said a thing#can anyone please show that they even think about me. like. god.#i go through hell every single fucking day and i have attempted suicide more times in the last year than the last decade#i’m not seeking attention i just?? would love for someone to give a single fuck for once. oh god.#the csa trauma that was triggered this year has been eating me whole. no one knows and no one cares to know#i’ve told two people now total now. even as i’m telling them it feels like i’m dumping it on them and making them uncomfortable#i regret telling one of them. my closest irl friend. god. should’ve kept it in. i can’t stop doing everything wrong.#anyways. i think…. i am going to go cry for a while lmao#man this sucks. mannnnnn this sucks#anyways.txt#(not a vague. never a vague)
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i found this really old comic i made and never posted here?? there is a superb dearth of context i am aware but (chucks this in your general direction anyway)
(this was from an au based off a weird dream i had a while ago ??? it was like. they were normal human kids but they somehow got into this strange video game slash simulation or smth which SOUNDS like sburb but it was way different trust me. i wrote a ton abt it for months and then never thought about it again. n e ways.)
#homestuck#homestuck fanart#terezi pyrope#karkat vantas#kanaya maryam#tavros nitram#hs#i Guess#in hindsight these designs still freaking RULE#i was super super proud of this when i made it (almost a year ago now?? whoa) but so nervous to show anyone hjfsh#i shared it in a discord server with some of my friends and i was literally shaking + in tears etc etc. so i never posted it here kekw#ive gotten better with that stuff now tho !! i rlly want to share some of my new & old au ideas i was too scared to before because ive been#-looking back on some of the old ones and writing some new ones and they're kind of awesome#also i used to have suuuuch fun drawing these guys i should totally get back into doing that. i haven't drawn a homestuck troll in (checks-#-the tiny watch i wear on my wrist at all times) approximately 827462 days. hm. interesting#anyways :3 i don;t know if anyone will care abt this now but that's ok w me#aurie's art
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trying to act like i dont miss being a kid w shit all to do
#this one goes out to all the bitches who grew up in really small towns#im talking 2000 ppl in total#bc when youre a kid in a town w no stores and nothing to do you can make literally anything a game#i was doing experiments on bugs that should be considered torture tactics#my friends and i used to ride bikes so much that we would put water bottles on the back wheel so it would sound like a motorcycle#we would take rocks from ppls front porch and smash them on their driveways bc they wluld explode in a cool way#i ding dong ditched ppl a couple of times#we used to get skipping ropes and mark out ''rooms'' in my friends garage so we could play house except we were all monsters#i ate so much raw mr noodles packs as a kid bc it was literally just smth to do ToT#that shit was the best before we figure out iy was bad flr you. it was crunchy and salty and made you feel kinda weird#looking back i was kinda a shithead#i used to eat raw hotdogs too but we dont have to talk about hat#if youre not a country bumpkin you just wont get it sorry
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they shouldn't let me stay up past midnight bc then I start identifying every single problem I've ever had. No solutions found. Net zero personal progress and 0.5 hours of sleep are achieved
#ramblings of a lunatic#ignore me I'm having a moment#actually wait that's one of the problems we (the brain council) identified. is my need to not have problems where ppl can see#oh very problematic of my brain. not a fan#look i just got out on christmas break for college the term is catching up to me#i didn't make any real friends and it's not that I'm surprised..but yeah I'm surprised. i forgot about My Whole Deal somehow#like girl do the math. 7 yrs to make A FRIEND. SINGULAR. came pre packaged w/ 2 friends but took you 4 more years to make another one-#-independtly. straight up did not understand friendship and human relationships until you were at least 16#did we honestly think we were gonna knock it out of the park in terms of socialising this first term???? did we????#wishful thinking ig#oughh. college...bad. or not bad but. strange. and lonely. and yeah kinda bad#existentially horrifying in ways i didn't even realise were possible. i get why so many tma fans were college students/grads now#college just irl cosmic horror#anyway. i think i should try and sleep now lest the brain demons get the better of me#but also I've gotten like. 4 hours of sleep total over the last 6 days- not for lack of trying mind you#so like. I'm anticipating a struggle.
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42,000 people. 42,000 people with full lives and memories and family and a culture that is being erased. 42,000 people. My mind can’t even comprehend that number. Innocents. Infants. That’s a larger number than people who live in my city.
42,000 people are dead. Israel is committing genocide. This is an ethnic cleansing. It’s not only been going on for a year but for A HUNDRED years.
Read “The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine” by Ilan Pappe, an Israeli historian. Learn the history. Educate yourself.
Call your representatives. Advocate for a ceasefire. Free Palestine. 🇵🇸🇵🇸
#as a year since the start of a genocide that would take 42k lives has passed#I’m taking the time to read and learn more#and it’s only fueled my grief and rage#I found out someone I called a friend for over two years#is denying that this is a genocide#and reblogging Islamophobic content#And saying that Israel is ‘just defending itself.’#which is a well-documented smoke screen for a 100-year long genocide#(again do your reading)#I’m disgusted that someone who calls themself a leftist would say that#we haven’t been friends in a while cuz they were very cruel to me and ppl I care abt#but this is still totally shaking me#42k people are dead.#but they’re going around saying this isn’t a genocide#no one will see this I have no internet presence#but for the love of god please educate yourself on Israel’s actions#many innocent people live there#they are not their government#but the government is committing an ethnic cleansing#and we can’t stop talking about it and we can’t deny it#idk where I’m going w this#the Palestinian people matter#their stories matter and their culture matters#their LIVES matter#the least we can do is continue to advocate for them and learn about them#and understand the genocide committed against them#because that’s what it is#a genocide#and we should call it that
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The meower
#Queued... technically March 23rd?#I mean its march 22nd in oregon. but im not there rn lolz#either way im late. SORRY !! i forfor to queue on the 20th then i was on planes for like 21 hrs total#well no 5 of those were a layover @ the airport but#ANYWAYYYYY hi future me !!!#Howww was the trip? im on my first (second actually- its 4am of the second day if u coukd the arrival) day in Hong Kong#Its rlly hot and humid so I think im gonna die. BUT ITS ALSO SUPER COOL !!#Even just from the few hours I had out earlier its amazingggg. The lights and the buildings are so cool and theres such a fun but chaotic#atmosphere - idk if its just bcs its a big city or specific to HK?#I loveee large cities in general. New york. Tokyo. HK. thats all of the ones ive been to ig#I havent seen even close to all of HK. Im in central rn but we're goin to other parts later#Dad says the other parts are totally different- Like theres LOADS of gisnt buildings here (WAY MORE THAN U SEE IN ******!!! u know that tho#and theyre almost all residential of the ones I passed. Im sure theres offices n stuff i just didnt see them in the likd 20 minutes cab#ride lolz. U know all tuis already tho#ig what im getting at is HOW WAS THE TRIP !!!!! How was the rest of HK? WHAT WAS KYOTO LIKE??#augh soo many cool things.....#Also also !! Have you learned any mire katakana?#ive JUST learned the vowel line so maybe u lesrned the k line now too?#I cant imagine school is any different. OHH DID U FINISH THE M P 10P COMIC??#I started it and got abt one page done on the plane#I think it should only end up being two or three pages idk#Ohh !! Hows the new meds going !! I think u should have ur blood test done by now so do u know if it helped at all?#I hope soooooooooooo#Mm I think thats all I have to say .... NO WAIT HAVE U HUNG OUT W/ JACKIE??#i rlly want to b friends with her ^.^#Alright Thats all !! HAVE A GOOD DAYYYYYY I LOVE U#queue drop#weather report#WAIT EDIT DID THE TRIGUN VOLUME COME. HOW IS IT
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please please please let me get the job that is 11 minutes away from me on quiet roads and not have to take the one with city traffic three traffic circles and a scary turn amen 🙏
#genuinely the job im interviewing for i would turn out of my driveway on a quiet rd turn onto the road my house is on the corner of#which is also pretty quiet#then go straight for ten minutes#the other one i have to choose between a scary turn or doing three rotaries 😬#only one of the rotaries is bad but still#also!! my friend and mentor works at this other place and the ratio of kids to teachers is way better#pay would be about the same to start but im hoping they'll eventually be able to pay more#bc it seems like s pretty fancy school tbh#anywayyy#im really anxious abt the job i accepted so i hope i can switch to this other one#but even if they dont hire me i still have a job so its not the end of the world#im just such a terrible oblivious and nervous driver lol#and im lowkey worried ibcant handle the kods at the first job#some of them are very difficult and one of them has serious behavioral issues she should probably have an aide assigned to just her but ala#but the ratio of teachers to kids is 8 kids to 1 teacher which is really hard at that age#and i've never worked with such a large class before#i applaied for the baby/toddler teacher but they asked me to do prek instead which has more behavioral issues imo#but the other job w my friend is toddler#which is a fun age to work with#so hopefully i can do that#also im not totally sure but i think that I would literally be co teaching with my friend#which would be awesome bc she already thinks im the best lol and we work well together :)#and my co teacher at the other job seems kind of mean :(
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IM ALIVE (i did a uquiz and im gonna make it YOUR problem!!! <3)
the really fucking funny thing about this is I got this :
savanaclaw, fucking savanaclaw.
i am absolutely not atheletic at ALL. im gonna die 2 seconds stepping into this dorm ToT
but this is also real funny bc i took a "which twst character are you?" quiz before and got vil lol leona and vil are really two sides of the same coin huh? source : me
also its funny bc i thought i would get ignihyde (*leona voice* radish sprout)
anyways- here r the tags : @prince-kallisto (i might have to start calling you radish sprout now bc im in leonas dorm beware 0^0) @jelsah27
also plz check the tags its funny hehe haha :]
#save#eep posted!#srry for being inactive i was uhhhhh doing things :))#completely unrelated to twst at all :#i did hogwarts quiz once and got#slytherin#lol#also im in the hephaestus cabin!#so im a : slytherin. hephaestus kid. and savanaclaw member#cool cool totally cool#i simp for vil more than leona tho#1st day of nrc boutta be real awkward#so im basically reverse epel#i want to be in pomefiore but noooooooooooo#dumbass mirror put me w/ the jocks UGH#i have twst ocs but should i go ahead and just self insert myself?#yes absolutely.#self inserts arent cringe!!!#itd be funny if my selfinsertsona(what do ppl call these?) were friends w/ epel#epel wants to be in savanaclaw and i wanna be in pomefiore#but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo#dumbass mirror#twisted wonderland#twst#twst mc#twisted wonderland x reader#disney twisted wonderland#twst x reader#twst yuu#disney twst
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youre the most fun and whimsical guy i've ever had the pleasure of talking to and even if we had no interests in common i feel like i could talk to you for hours about nothing <3
this is better than any kiss i've ever gotten
#“i feel like i could talk to you for hours about nothing <3” do you want me to become a blubbery mess?#and YEAH i fuckinnnn love being whimsical this is great..#/platonic btw dw#also you so totally should frrrrr#jono tag#asks#ask gamed#anyways this guy (pointing up emoji) is very sweet and very funny and correct about everything and i love to annoy him by getting-#-everything about his interests wrong because it's sooo funny and everything is great u should be friends w/ them fr
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made some very minor rules updates! the main one :
i won’t fill out interest checkers or send in rules passwords; it just feels quite formal for what is, to me, a very casual hobby! if we’re mutuals, I WANT TO WRITE WITH YOU — & as king of pulling AUs out of thin air, there’s almost never a time where i can’t or won’t write with a particular muse. just assume i’m up for anything & i’ll communicate my boundaries if they come up!
i totally understand the appeal and, especially for folks who can be anxious about approaching others, the comfort of having it in writing that a mutual wants to write before reaching out, but — well, if i didn't want to write with you, i wouldn't be following!! please assume me following is me jumping up and down with glee at the prospect of writing with you. my rules specifically beg mutuals to send me unprompted asks / starters / etc., and that applies to all of you and all your muses! i don't need to know a ton about your muse / their fandom / their world etc to party hard, and some of my favourite dynamics have come about from somebody just chucking a starter at me and being like 'x and y are friends now and here's the starter to prove it.' i am always down, and trust me when i say that if there was a muse on your blog i simply Could Not Stand To See Or Write With the chances of me following you in the first place are ~ 1%
#anyway i love being loosey goosey w all things rp. plot. characterization. shipping! its all for fun#TBH while total strangers should run romantic shipping by me before jumping in if we've chatted at all#and u wanna throw me a starter that assumes our muses have been besties for 6 years / are exes / once killed a guy together#party hard. go crazy. i think its fun!!!#and if we're friends just straight up forceship w me i dont care GHKFLDSHGDHKSHKFDHKS#write me a starter that begins 'after 6 months of flirting' ill get w the program#its all just a good time babyyyyyyyyy#bringing it back 2 the actual rules update djslghfksgdf sorry i got off track#its 100% fine also if this feels untenable 2 u!!! if that rule makes u uncomfy (or any of my rules do!) that is so so so fine#neither of us are jerks we just have different ways of approaching rp and that is a-okay!!! i wish u so much luck and joy#and i also wish myself those things!#mutual checkers sorta remind me of the uh....what were they called. the like forever starter calls?#'like this if i can always send u memes/write u starters'#cos i was just like 'is that not what being mutuals means'
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i had ONE decent interaction with another person and now i want to ask my friends to come hang out. however, i literally never left my house once covid started, and the few friends/acquaintances i chatted with, as soon as i saw them on person, i very strongly disliked them.
i have one friend.
#puts my head in hands………#also i think she may hate me. so. :(.- I SAY THIS NOT TO VENT. I DO NOT FEEL ANYTHING !!!!!!#i just think u all need to sympathize with how difficult it is to go find fwends#-oh my god im already facing the adult issue of unable to make friends bc of lack of interaction with others#i. the body is still not close to 18. ….. …………#gently whacks andrew. damn bitch who did u let take care of this thing why ur life in shambles?? (totally not my fault)#edit. anyways should i reach out to my friend and try to get her to hang out uhhhh… some time later this week ?#or do i try and contact the person i was around the other day. i’ve known her since like 4th grade but idk if i should call her a friend#we had a fine interaction but it was literally like… four hours after my lesson and before her date. and she just wanted to hear about my#trip. which did in fact take four hours to discuss#so it’s like hmmm do i want to be around her for longer in a unstructured setting-#HER STUPID BF IS SO RICH AND ITS SO INFURIATING TO HEAR ABOUT#THEYRE SO WASTEFUL WITH THEIR MONEY ITS INSANE !!!!!!!!#it makes me so like. ticked off. tf do u mean they last-minute booked u a flight across the country so u could come w them#to the fucking PENINSULA UR BFS GRANDMA O W N S. WHAT ???????#i’m trying to be vague. but this peninsula is in a /nice/ fucking area like if i were to say it y’all would immediately know what i’m#talking about. like uhh. cape cod martha’s vineyard that type of infamy. owns a whole ass peninsula………..#i HATE IT i HATE RICH PEOPLE !!!
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motw tomorrow. i want to bring back the posting era.
#pulling directly from my dms w hannah bc i’ve been on this for a while#but one of the hardest things and things that make me most anxious about playing cedar is trying to make sure she doesn’t come across as#a joke or as totally off-the-walls with her reactions to people/situations. or like inconsistency w what she says or does in a way#that doesn’t come across as a deliberate character choice. and i definitely don’t want her to feel stagnant#like. she’s been pretty bratty and unwelcoming to jessamine and even a little bit sam! who was one of her best friends#and has certainly also lashed out even within her new group of friends/allies (parch and the creature in very dif ways esp 😭)#so when hannah was like ‘should jessamine be worse?’ worried that making someone cedar’s so pissed with seem like. kind of fine. is shitty#but the thing is i think cedar is uh#she has a lot of rage and unpacked trauma from the shit w the red riders that she doesn’t know what to do with#which has totally fucked w her ability to analyze the situation and relationships she had and has formed so she#doesn’t know how to feel and therefore act towards them?#which. maybe ooc is an annoying character choice for me to make but.#she sure can’t form a clear internal stance on Any of the people she used to love and trust more than anyone!#and like. everyone else doesn’t really care if isaiah dies and she doesn’t KNOW how she feels about him but#she’s stuck wavering between being viciously angry at isaiah & still being so upset that she can't even talk about what's happening to him#so. this next session or two is certainly going to push to SOME sort of breaking point!#and then of course there’s all our agonies. but that’s for a separate post.#motwinchester#cedar
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Ok so my bio says no minors and I also know like I can’t stop y’all from following and I occasionally follow minors without realizing. But basically I just cannot guarantee that the things I post are sfw. I also know kids are online and they will seek shit out no matter how hard you try to keep them away. So basically I don’t excessively care. But if I catch anyone under 18 interacting with an explicit post of mine or trying to DM me I will shut that shit down and block u.
#idk boundaries are weird w/kids on the internet bc I know they’re in fandom spaces online and you can’t really entirely avoid them#bc I don’t agree that like if you are an adult online you should never interact with anyone under the age of 18 and should like shun them#some of the coolest people I know were people I met as a teenager in online fandom spaces when they were adults#and they facilitated a space to chat about cool fandom stuff and hang out and be myself#and like I am still friends with these people to this day.#basically I see a lot of value in making welcoming spaces for kids in fandom and encouraging shared love of media#and I love seeing kids get creative with fanart and fanfic and cosplay and I want to encourage them#but I also want to like set up good boundaries yknow#idk joined a discord server that has a mix of aged after avoiding any servers that allowed minors for a while#and I know some people from it follow me#idk I just feel a little complicated abt it. also bc I work with kids and am studying to become a teacher#and there’s that side of me that is like. hmmm need to be more careful of my own internet presence#bc I don’t want kids who know me as an authority figure irl to find my tumblr#like it would have to be entirely accidental bc I am very private abt identifying information#but I totally do post pictures + my face online#idk. food for thought.#personal#(ish)
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man i wish i did have all this privilege everyone acts like I have for being a trans guy, my life would be way more chill. I wouldnt hafta worry about shit really
#see some nazi shit in my town? nah. doesnt matter. im a man after all ! doesnt effect me and totally never would !#seeing men being misogynistic or creepy to women? doesnt effect me emotionally anymore because im a man ! I have no feelings !#walking home alone at night? nah. doesnt matter. im a man! nevermind that im short and have long hair so I could easily be#mistaken as a woman especially at night and even if not- being short is something a motivated individual can use against me if#they want to- but it doesnt matter. im a man now! suddenly thats not a concern. suddenly this totally wouldnt happen. at all.#someone would approach me to try and see that im a man and go 'oh sorry sir my mistake I didn't realize it was a super special privileged#man please be on your way now'#many such cases#vent#gotta go to a gyno or some sort of doctor relating to my reproductive system? it'll all go perfectly smoothly and even better#now that im recognized as a man- surely there wont be any issues getting help now. it should be easier. im a man after all.#trying to find a place to belong socially? must be easy. im a man. disregard that im a man w poon for a second- that should surely never#play a role even if hanging out with cis men. they totally wont notice how I avoid the bathroom or locker rooms around them or ever#getting naked in front of them for any reason- its surely not just a matter of time till they find out and subsequentially start treating m#different. and nevermind trying to fit in in queer spaces im a man so i dont belong in them as you know.#and nevermind being friends with women either- im a man so naturally that totally means all i think about is fucking women and never#just being friends with them so thats not possible and women should never work on their assumptions about dudes ever bc assuming#im probably a creep-rapist by virtue of attempting to interact with them is fine and normal for them to do and I should expect it#and totally be okay with it and totally just shut off my emotions to feel nothing about it#which is again normal#esp as someone who's also been victimized by cis men and then being assumed to be like an abusive cis man is totally something thats#normal and shouldnt effect me at all it totally does not fuck with you to constantly be assumed to be like someone who abused you#especially when you know you're not like that but ppl assume anyways and its normal to assume and i just have to accept it ig#cool#love that privilege i have
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