#I should mention that Cain is the only sober person in the car

[legendaryevokercupcake]

Cain, Iris, Dr. Bright, Dr. Clef, Dr. Kondraki, Dr. Crow and Dr. Roth commit grand theft automobile.

Random MTF On Their Day Off #1: So I just drop kicked the anomaly into submission.

Random MTF On Their Day Off #2: That's awesome. I broke the world record for longest time without blinking!

Suddenly, shouting can be heard from the bar across the street. A 6'1, androgynous Israeli man sprints out and literally jumps into a nearby convertible. He is quickly followed by a 5'2 redhead carrying a golden retriever in a lab coat, a short blonde gremlin of a man who happens to be built like a tank, and a tall muscular guy with a grey cat clinging to his shoulders, a small group of crystal butterflies forming around him, and a man in a yellow suit with a burn on his face.

MTF #1: Was that...

MTF #2: Cain, Bright, Kain number two, Clef, Kondraki, Roth, 408 and Cimmerian? Yes. Yes it was.

MTF #1: ...I don't get paid enough to care.

MTF #2: To care that all of our most regulated doctors just committed grand theft auto? Neither do I.

[our-jensen-ackles-love]

Dial Tone; Chapter Two

Pairing: MOC!Dean x Reader

Summary: With the Mark of Cain lowering his inhibitions, Dean’s head was a mess. When a simple waitress picks up his other-other cell phone that was left behind after a late night diner run, it leads to a very interesting relationship between two strangers. Could this woman help Dean fight through the Mark or will she just be another one of his victims?

A/N: SO SO SO SORRY that this took legit forever to get out. But as we all know, life happens. Things will start being regular again over the next week. Thank you all so much who had stuck it out and I hope you guys enjoy - this is going to be a fun one to write. ;)

Word Count: 1698

Warnings: language, mentions of stranger danger, flutters of anxiety

Masterlist Series Masterlist Buy me a Ko-Fi What’d ya think?

Chapter Two

“Who the fuck are you?” A gruff voiced asked aggressively on the other end of the line, taking you back completely. 

Your immediate reaction was to get defensive. Clutching the phone somewhat angrily, you replied through gritted teeth. “Why should I tell you who the fuck this is?”

There was a moment of silence, making you think that the caller had hung up, but you didn’t hear the dial tone that usually followed. Hearing what sounded like labored breathing, you waited in angry patience for a reply while absently twirling your cleaning rag around the table. For the first time in about a month, you were happy that your boss was on vacation because he would have been having a field day if he saw you on the phone while on the floor. 

“Listen,” the voice came through the speaker finally. “I think I left my.. my phone somewhere. Can you just tell me where you found it so I can pick it up?” 

“Only if you promise me you aren’t a drug dealer.”

There was another moment of silence. “What?”

“I will tell you where your phone is only if you can promise me you aren’t a drug dealer.” 

You weren’t sure why you needed this reassurance, but you knew that it would help you sleep a little better to know it wasn’t your creepy neighborhood drug dealer on the other end. “I… I’m not a drug dealer.”

Chewing your bottom lip, you thought you caught the slightest hint of a chuckle from his tone of voice. Releasing your lip from the clutches of your top teeth, you spoke your next words carefully. “You left in at the The Boot.” 

“The Boot? You mean it’s at the dinky little diner we just left?” 

You quickly thought through the number of customers that you had dealt with at The Booth tonight, but only a handful stood out. “You just left? I was just waiting on a table with two guys and a bunch of books.” 

There was a definite chuckle this time. “Ah, yes. The bunch of books would have been my brother Sam.” 

“Oh, you were brothers.” 

“Wait,” there was a stall. “You didn’t think.. you didn’t think we were together did you?” 

Now you couldn’t help the smile that followed and gave the air a shrug continuing to focus on the absent cleaning of this already clean table in front of you. Squeezing the phone closer to your ear with your shoulder, you shifted some clean silverware back on to the table. “I mean, your brother was lecturing you like someone would to their significant other.” 

“God dammit.” 

You laughed, standing up and admiring your work for a moment. “So does this mean you will be coming back to pick up your phone or do I get to just use up the battery tonight making crank calls?” 

“No, no.” He sighed, giving you a slight insight to the exhaustion in his voice. “I need to have that phone on me.. it’s my.. work phone.” 

“Alright, well we are open all night, but I’m only here until two.” 

The two of you hung up and you realized that you never got the mystery owner’s name before hanging up. You knew who his brother was and a faint remembrance of what he looked like, but he had spent most of his time at the diner kind of spacing out into the window. Now thinking back on in, they both seemed to be polar opposites of each other. 

You spent most of the night catering to the random passersby who were looking for the nearest gas station and the oddball here or there who just needed a cup of coffee during their night shift, which was mainly nurses, police officers and other food service workers. For the first time in a couple weeks, not one drunk wander in during your shift. 

Just as two o’clock crept up, you began to feel oddly disappointed with the fact that your non-drug dealing caller still hadn’t come by for his supposedly important “work” phone. Toying with the idea of leaving it in the lost and found, you decided that just about anyone could come through and say they lost a phone and snag this one. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened and the hookers that roamed the surrounding corners could sniff that shit out like it was nothing. 

“Hey.” 

A sudden gruff voice interrupted your back and forth thought process of what to do with the phone, pulling you into the gaze of a familiar pair of eyes. “Uhm, hey?” 

The man before you gave you a side smirk before picking his hand up and running it through his hair haphazardly. “I, uh, I left a phone here. I think it was you I spoke with a couple of hours ago.” 

You nodded your head slowly, remembering all too well the cocky smile he had given you just hours ago. “And you are..?”

“Dean.” 

“Ah, Dean, what’s your brother’s name?” 

“Sam,” he answered raising an eyebrow at you. “Why are you asking me about my brother?” 

You shrugged, fishing around in your apron pocket for the cool, sleek box you’d only just become accustomed to lugging around. “I just wanted to make sure you were who you said you were.”

“Got some trust issues there, huh?” 

Handing him his phone, you didn’t really answer him. Instead you went about your usually prep for heading back home. Things like making sure you hand your wallet safely tucked about into the backside pocket of your bag and your bus pass already in hand. Once you were sure that you had all your belongings including your own phone, that had the local police on speed dial, did you turn your focus back to the man who went by Dean. “Something like that.” 

You shouted a quick goodbye to Steve and swerved around your visitor keeping your attention on the door; you had exactly seven minutes to get out of the diner and on the next bus home.

You had been so focused on getting out of there that you didn’t hear someone fall into step behind you. “Where are you going?” 

From the tone of their voice, you didn’t even have to glance over your shoulder to know that Mister Green Eyes was trailing behind you. “Why does it matter?” 

“Well,” there was a semi-frustrated sigh that came from behind you, but you literally didn’t even have the time to spare to look and roll your eyes at him. “I just wanted to say thank you for holding on to this, I guess.” 

“Not a problem.” 

“Wait.” 

Now it was your turn to sigh and stop in your tracks. With a slow turn you faced the green eyed, freckled face of a very exhausted looking man, but that didn’t stop the bite that came off your tongue. “What?” 

“I.. I just wanted to know your name.” 

“Why?” 

“Damn woman,” he gave himself a soft chuckle and kicked a small pebble with his boot before shoving his hands in his jeans. “You ask a ton of questions.” 

“Maybe I don’t like sharing personal information with a stranger.” 

He opened his mouth like he wanted to reply, but you noticed him squint his eyes and lean a little closer to where you were not so patiently standing. “Well, then Y/N,” he started with an all knowing smirk. “You might want to remember that the next time you leave work still wearing your name tag.”

In the same moment that it took you to glance down and groan at your own stupidity, was the same moment that for the first time in basically ever of you working at the diner, did the bus arrive early and speed on by; since you weren’t waiting there per usual. 

“Dammit,” you muttered, followed by a slew of other un-lady like words while you ripped off your name tag and shoved it into whatever pocket you had a nearby. “That was the last bus of the night.” 

“You take the bus home? At this time of time?” 

Dean was wearing a look; one that was probably a cross between confused and impressed. It was a look you got a lot when you told people that you didn’t drive, but what always followed by your explanation was not worth the look of pity. So most times you just went with your standard excuse, “I don’t have a car.” 

The leather jacket wearing man rocked back on his feet for a moment before releasing a breath of hot air that was visible in the cool night. “Well, where are you heading?” 

Knowing he was probably going to ask you again when you headed inside to try and scrounge up the cash for the overpriced cab ride, you decided to get this part of the conversation out of the way. “I’m going home.” 

Your vague and mostly one-word answers were really starting to grate on Dean’s nerves and it was evident in the way that his knuckles were turning white again his fists. But trying to fight through the rage, he took a sobering breath and focused on his next words carefully. 

“You’re probably going to say no, but in a pay it forward kind of gesture.. I could give you a ride home.” Your eyes widened at his suggestion and the anxiety ridden butterflies began their assault, which must have been noticeable because Dean quickly threw his unclenched hands up. “Or a local gas station a little bit closer to home.” 

It was going to start raining at any minute, you could smell it in the air and you really didn’t want to chance getting sick and having to call out of work for a couple days only to fall behind on bills that you had just caught up on. 

Everything inside of you was screaming that this was a bad idea, but comfort was out beating your nerves tonight. “Fine, but only because you’ve assured me that you aren’t a drug dealer.”

“Just tell me which direction to drive in.”

TAGS: {OPEN}: @emilyshurley @anathewierdo @tatertot1097 @horsegirly99 @kellianz @mannls @reginaphalange2403

FOREVERS {OPEN}: @spnwoman @dramione-winchester-mccall @anotherwaywardsister @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @xalgaliareptx @shayrey @applepielyf @winchesterhound @yourvoiceislikearose @chocolateturtlepeanutopera @alexwinchester23 @emilyshurley @earthtokace @hobby27 @pisces-cutie @babykalika2001 @dean-winchesters-bacon @sweetiepie-dean @latenightshenanigansxo @supernatural-teamfreewillpage @cheerxupxbuttercupx @itssmallerontheoutside-13 @aeonian-forever @mirandaaustin93 @queenslandlover-93 @spnbaby-67 @akshi8278

If you’ve requested to be tagged.. and you aren’t, please shoot me an ask and I’ll make sure to add you. <3

[scrapyardboyfriends]

11 July 2017 - This is so ridiculously long. This is what happens with a robron heavy hour long episode. It obviously gets super depressing at the end if you make it that far. You don’t have to read past the #TriggerWarning if you don’t want to. Let me know if any of you make it to the end of this nonsense. I hope some of it is funny. 

[Outside the Shop with Robert, Aaron, Cain and Victoria]

ROBERT: We do have a kitchen at home you know? Remember that set they built us that we never use unless it’s for angsty scenes?

AARON: Yeah, but do we have a toaster yet? Nevermind. Didn’t really fancy seeing you though after our Plot fight yesterday. It’s the height of #PeakAngstWeek so I’m just going to be in a totally justifiably bad mood all day today, yeah?

ROBERT: Is this really how it’s gonna be?

AARON: No, this is how you...well the Plot really...but anyway...have made it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to work.

ROBERT: Well, it’s a good thing we conveniently work in the same place then. - side note, isn’t it great our jobs are semi important to the Plot today so it looks like we actually do them -

AARON: I never should have let Jimmy move the Haulage firm into the portacabin. I would have saved myself so much trouble.

ROBERT: Will you just let me explain what I think the Plot is trying to do one more time Aaron?

AARON: You don’t need to try and explain anything. I’m done with all the discourse. I just don’t like it. End of.

*Cain appears*

CAIN: Want me to batter him for you?

AARON: Have you even been briefed on our latest Plot Point?

CAIN: No, I just like hitting Sugden here and since you two got together properly, I haven’t had a chance to do it in a while. Let me know. Besides, I just needed to show that I remember you exist so that when I show up later to help you out, it’s a little less forced.

*Cain leaves*

AARON: Imagine what he’d do if he actually knew.

ROBERT: What are we arguing about again? What, that I didn’t shell out my life savings to help out his granddaughter the Plot never remembers is my niece anyway. And besides, she got her treatment. If I had stepped in, how would Faith have gotten her dramatic entrance?

*Victoria appears*

VICTORIA: You had the money to help Sarah?

ROBERT: Why are we having this conversation in the middle of the street?

AARON: No idea. I’m going to work where I probably won’t actually do any work. How does my business survive?

*Aaron leaves*

ROBERT: Don’t you start! *So tired of this Plot Point Face*

VICTORIA: Robert, she’s your niece!

ROBERT: *Oh now the Plot remembers Face*

VICTORIA: And she’s a sick little girl?!

ROBERT: And if the Plot needed me to, of course I would have stepped in. I can’t account for the Plot holes until the Plot decides to bring them up again for drama, Vic!

VICTORIA: And did you have the money to buy the house to stop Aaron from worrying about using his dad’s?

ROBERT: What? Did you get the same list from Tumblr that Aaron did? Or do you have our house bugged so you could listen to our arguments so you could weigh in later? *Leaves*

VICTORIA: Where are you going?

ROBERT: To get some earplugs cause clearly you’re never going to leave me alone about anything.

VICTORIA: You should pop to the shop that sells consciences while you’re at it!

ME: And condoms! I bet they sell condoms too! Just saying. (The beginning of conscience sounds like condoms and I couldn’t help myself)

[The Mill of Misery with Robert and Victoria]

ROBERT: *To some pour soul on the phone* I don’t want a credit note. Everything that you sell is for geeks. (FANDOM: But you are a geek Robert, don’t lie. #LetGeekRobertRise)

*Victoria knocks and enters*

ROBERT: Forget it. I’ll burn them. #Foreshadowing Keep the money! Buy yourself some Spiderman underpants. - They’re great. I actually have a pair. They’re the only ones my husband doesn’t steal from me. Though I think he just enjoys seeing me in them...and taking them off of me...which we haven’t done in a while. I wonder if that’s a Plot Point I should be paying more attention to….sorry...TMI? - What? Sorry, knickers then.

VICTORIA: *My brother is a moron Face*

ROBERT: I was so distracted by this stupid Plot that I didn’t even realize it was a woman. What are you doing?

VICTORIA: Nothing, just letting my temporary personality transplant settle in while I enjoy these amazing Plot chairs of yours. What are you doing? Spreading more joy?

ROBERT: The shop won’t refund me for the Plot chairs.

VICTORIA: *Really enjoying the Plot chair* Why would you want to get rid?

ROBERT: Because Aaron doesn’t like them and if Aaron doesn’t like something it goes. #Whipped

VICTORIA: Why are you still here then? #Burn

ROBERT: *So tired of this Plot Point Face* I was trying to do the right thing, Vic. Invest that money for our future, but the Plot is just setting me up for failure this week.

VICTORIA: Yeah, but you also just really like money.

ROBERT: Maybe. Character continuity is important Vic. I wish you’d remember that more often. Do you want the chairs?

VICTORIA: *Still enjoying the Plot chairs* I’d never leave the house. Then who would tell you how Rebecca is feeling?

ROBERT: They’re going cheap!

VICTORIA: Really seeing that character continuity now, Rob. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be you know. Sometimes character growth is more important.

ROBERT: Fine, take the chairs. I don’t care about the money.

VICTORIA: There, that’s better. That’s the kind of thing Aaron needs to see you doing. You have to convince him that you don’t care that having a ton of money in the bank is the most important thing in the world. Even though the Plot will make you think so when it inevitably brings up this argument again in the future.

ROBERT: *Thoughtful I’m totally going to do the wrong thing because I’m an idiot and the Plot hates me Face*

FANDOM: Did we just get through an entire Vic scene where she didn’t once mention the Plot Baby and she actually seemed somewhat concerned with how Robert AND Aaron were doing? Can we keep this version of Vic?

[The Scrapyard with Aaron and Adam (FANDOM: A Bartsy scene!!! With #ActualConversation!? What have we done to deserve this?)]

*Plot Barrel makes its deubt*

AARON: *Kicks the door* *Kicks the door again* (FANDOM: Is the door a representation of the Plot?)

*Adam drives up*

ADAM: Whoa! What are you doing?

AARON: Kicking this door. (FANDOM: Yep, definitely a representation of this Plot.) #Relatable

ADAM: Oh right, good, cause I was fed up with it not being broken! (FANDOM: Broken like our hopes and dreams and hearts…)

AARON: *Kicks the door again* #StillRelatable

ADAM: Has this got something to do with a certain unborn Plot Baby?

AARON: No! The Plot Baby isn’t the problem...well actually the Plot Baby is totally the problem but at least he’s being honest about that. (FANDOM: Is he though?) There’s a time scale to it so I know where I stand with that, which is more than I can say for him. I think I know where I stand with him and then it turns out that I don’t and then I do and then I don’t and mate this Plot makes me so tired and since we’re never allowed to have an #ActualConversation, especially one that doesn’t get forgotten about until the next Maxine episode, it’s really hard to keep it all straight.

ADAM: Well...we could get drunk?

AARON: It’s half nine in the morning Adam! Besides, alcohol is how this whole mess started.

ADAM: Fair point. Guess you’ll just have to talk to me sober then. *hits Aaron on the back of the head* - for the fans - In!

[The Portacabin with Aaron, Adam and Robert]

ADAM: 580 grand? Why are you not out car shopping right now? The way you two go through cars, I’m sure you’ll need another one soon. (ACTOR ADAM: Or you could get one that Ryan can actually get out with his dodgy knee!)

AARON: You’re missing the point. (DANNY: Though I’m sure Ryan would totally appreciate that.)

ADAM: No I’m not. I get it, but you can’t make people think the same as you mate. If you could, I totally wouldn’t be in this mess of a Plot with Vic that is currently taking a back seat to your Plot as usual. And it worked out in the end.

AARON: That’s not the point either.

ADAM: So what is the point? That Robert’s still an idiot?

AARON: And a liar when the Plot needs him to be, probably to make me cry some more.

ADAM: And you think that’s gonna change do ya?

AARON: Well something needs to. The fans are tired of me crying all the time.

ADAM: Is there more to this?

AARON: *About to possibly tell Adam important things about his feelings for once in his life*

*Plotbert and his briefcase full of cash money enter right on time for that not to happen*

ROBERT: Oh sorry, were you actually in the middle of an #ActualConversation. I don’t believe in those, so it’s gonna have to wait. *Is the literal definition of overdramatic as he swipes Adam’s feet off the desk to put down the briefcase and open it up with a determined look on his face to reveal stacks of fifty pound notes*

AARON: *Are you actually serious right now Face*

ROBERT: *Serious about you Face*

[Portacabin and Scrapyard with Robert, Aaron, Adam, the briefcase full of money and Plot Barrel]

ADAM: Do you need anyone to look after that?

ROBERT: Well you can take a selfie with it. #ThisIsWhatRealMoneyLooksLike *Ridiculously OTT Wink* But if you do, make sure to tag me on Instagram. I want people to know it’s my money. #HasLearnedNothingSinceHisLastScene #SetUpForFailure

ADAM: Humble, mate, very humble. I’ll leave you to your Plot Point now. My work is done here. See ya in a bit or not, because I’m not as relevant as I’d like to be.

AARON: *My husband is such an idiot Face* So what is this?

ROBERT: *Captain Obvious Mode Activate* A hundred grand.

AARON: *When will the Plot let my husband be less of an idiot Face*

ROBERT: It’s all I could get on such short notice. But I’ll get some more tomorrow. Cause this is totally what you wanted right?

AARON: And the reason for all of this is?

ROBERT: For you to give to Liv to pay for the house, obviously.

AARON: But the house has already been paid for.

ROBERT: Not the way you wanted. See, look! I listened. Now, praise me!

AARON: *Sorry, not going to praise you today Face*

ROBERT: But I’m giving you MONEY to prove to you that you mean more to me than MONEY.

AARON: Really? Cause all this looks like is you chucking a load of cash at your problems again.

ROBERT: No Aaron, it’s not just cash. It’s MONEY!!!

AARON: See what I mean!

ROBERT: I’m making quite a big gesture here. That’s always done me so much good in the past….wait…

AARON: I don’t want gestures! - I want #ActualConversation but in lieu of that - I just want to know I come before the money.

ROBERT: Without #ActualConversation, I don’t know what more I can do to prove it to you.

AARON: I have a great idea! Burn it!

ROBERT: That’s the opposite of a good idea Aaron.

AARON: But look, Plot Barrel is right there with a fire burning just for you. Burn it!

ROBERT: What’s that gonna do? Other than win me the world’s most stupid man award which I’m probably already in line for due to this ridiculous Plot.

AARON: *Walks out rambling about Robert and his precious money so he’s distracted*

ROBERT: *Is the literal definition of an over dramatic drama queen and slam dunks the briefcase full of money into the Plot Barrel of fire*

AARON: *Oh my god he actually did it Face*

ROBERT: *Oh my god I actually did it Face* *See, told you I loved you more than MONEY Face*

*Ad break to add extra drama*

AARON: *Uselessly tries to fish out the briefcase full of money with a piece of copper pipe*

*Chopstick banter* - hehe

AARON: What were you thinking?

ROBERT: You told me to burn it! I do everything you say!

AARON: Well that’s not true and you picked a bad time to start! *Get’s fire extinguisher*

*Super adorable scene of them fighting with the fire extinguisher and laughing and smiling and forgetting the Plot exists for a few precious seconds* - for the fans before the #PeakAngst begins

[Robert’s Porsche with Robert and Aaron]

*Cute banter about Aaron being a shit fireman and Robert burning the money*

AARON: No more lies (PLOT: Well that’s just not going to work)

ROBERT: No more lies (PLOT: That was a lie right there. Don’t make promises I won’t let you keep) If I could change this whole Rebecca Plot I would, Aaron, you know that.

AARON: Yeah I know.

ROBERT: I know it’s hard. #Understantement #Foreshadowing That Plot Baby is nothing to do with me and I will never ever ever let that situation come between me and you.

*The situation appears*

AARON: You shouldn’t have jinxed it. You gonna stop?

ROBERT: You want me to? But we just agreed…

AARON: The Plot put her there for a reason, Robert.

ROBERT: If it was anyone else…

AARON: Yeah, that’ll be the day.

ROBERT: *Puts car in reverse*

AARON: *I hate this fucking Plot Face*

[Side of the Road with Robert, Aaron and Rebecca]

AARON: *Dirty Little Grease Monkey Mode Activate* - for the fans (FANDOM: *Swoon*)

ROBERT: Do you have breakdown cover?

REBECCA: I don’t know. It’s not overly important to the Plot so I probably never bothered. And I once told Chrissie I knew a thing or two about cars because of all my travels but that knowledge has left me. So anyway, I phoned a taxi. I’m conveniently in a hurry.

ROBERT: Dare I ask where you’re going?

REBECCA: Hospital. I booked a scan.

ROBERT: Well I’m sure the taxi will be here soon and we can be on our way and continue ignoring this part of the Plot.

REBECCA: Well they said fifteen but I’m not sure I’ve got fifteen...I drank about a liter of water…

ROBERT: Why would you do that?

AARON: Helps with the scan. What? I’ve been doing some research on pregnancy. Someone has to. The writers and the storyliners aren’t. So...you want to take her? #AlreadyRegrettingThis

REBECCA: No, no, no! I’ll wait. (FANDOM: Why don’t you want him to go? #LetTheTheoryLive)

ROBERT: I suppose we could drop her off…

REBECCA: No, no it’s fine. #LetTheTheoryLive

AARON: Go on, you take her. #DefinitelyRegrettingThis

ROBERT: But we had plans…

REBECCA: I don’t want to ruin your plans… #Hilarious

AARON: It’s fine. I’ll walk back.

ROBERT: You can’t walk…

REBECCA: Are you sure? Wouldn’t want to be a burden.

AARON: I know all about not wanting to be a burden. Good luck with everything *Walking away* #RegrettingEverything

ROBERT: I’ll meet you in the pub after!

REBECCA: Is he okay?

ROBERT: Umm...probably not. But let’s get this over with.

AARON: Ethan! Mate, glad you’re conveniently out of jail when I need you. I need to see you now.

[Outside the Hospital with Robert and Rebecca]

REBECCA: Thanks for conveniently finding me on the side of the road and bringing me here. What are you doing now?

ROBERT: Paying for parking. The Plot obviously wants me to be here.

REBECCA: Yeah well you don’t really need to come in.

ROBERT: True...I could stay in the car and just give you a lift back.

REBECCA: Yeah whatever, I really need to go, in more ways than one. I’ll just leave you to think about it.

ROBERT: *Conflicted Face*

[Hospital Waiting Room with Robert and Rebecca]

REBECCA: *I really have to pee Face*

ROBERT: *I want to be literally anywhere else Face* What time is this scan supposed to be?

REBECCA: Now? You don’t have to stay.

ROBERT: Like I said, the Plot wants me to be here so...are you okay?

REBECCA: No. I really need to pee and I need to know everything with this Plot Baby is okay. Of course it would probably help if I saw an actual medical professional but...whatevs.

RECEPTIONIST: (FANDOM: Well at least they paid for someone in the hospital to have a speaking role) Rebecca White?

REBECCA: Present!

RECEPTIONIST: Is Dad coming in?

REBECCA: Oh he’s not the- #LetTheTheoryLive I mean, well, he is… #GetYourStoryStraight

ROBERT: I’ll just wait here.

REBECCA: You can come in.

ROBERT: No, I’ll wait. If I go in then that would destroy all the fans’ hope that there really is no baby. I can’t do that to them. #LetTheTheoryLive *Conflicted Face*

[The Mill of Misery with Aaron, Ethan (FANDOM: Yay!), Jason (FANDOM: Ugh)]

*Ethan knocks*

AARON: Hey, you took your time. I’ve got to get this taken care of before my husband gets back. I sent him to do something that is only making me more miserable, which is why I needed to see you in the first place.

ETHAN: Well, me helicopter’s broke down, which is probably for the best. I hear you all don’t like those around here. Though I heard that didn’t stop-

AARON: Well you can afford the bus ticket I suppose since you’re conveniently selling drugs on the outside as well.

ETHAN: It’s great to see you too man. Didn’t think I’d be hearing from you again after the prison storyline was just dropped like that.

AARON: Yeah well, the fans complained about that, so here we are. You all right?

ETHAN: No, but you’ll find out about that in a moment.

AARON: Right, you coming in?

JASON: Does that invitation apply to me as well?

AARON: Definitely not. How are you out of prison as well?

JASON: Well too bad. The Plot gave me the drugs!

AARON: #BetrayedByThePlot #WhatElseIsNew

[Hospital Waiting Room with Robert and Rebecca]

ROBERT: *To Aaron’s Voicemail* Hey Aaron, I’m calling you for the fourth time just cause. I miss you and I love you and you mean more to me than MONEY and this Plot. I hope you got back okay. Call me!

*Rebecca returns*

ROBERT: Great! Can we go now! I have to get back to my #BeautifulHusband who I will always care about more than you.

REBECCA: Right, fine, but you might care about this baby when I tell you the sex. Do you want to know?

ROBERT: *Conflicted Face* Sure, fine, whatever.

REBECCA: It’s a boy.

ROBERT: *Super conflicted, I have so many daddy issues, how do I handle having a son, I’m in a complete panic now Face*

[The Mill of Misery with Aaron, Ethan, Jason and Cain]

*Jason is predictably an asshole to rile Aaron up*

*Jason is homophobic*

*Jason brings up Gordon*

AARON: Are we doing this or what?

JASON: I need to know that you really want it.

AARON: Obviously.

JASON: Not feeling it Livesy (Aaron Dingle Defense Squad: If you call him ‘Livesy’ one more time…)

AARON: I’ll pay you double. - I really should have taken that briefcase full of money with me -

JASON: You’ll pay me triple. And you’ll do a little dance for me.

AARON: Sorry, mate. I don’t dance. I might sway, but only with my idiot of a husband.

*Jason is an asshole*

*Jason is homophobic*

*Jason brings up Gordon*

AARON: *Is done* Get out of my house! *Punches Jason* (FANDOM: Yay!)

JASON: *Punches Aaron* (FANDOM: Not so yay…Aaron Dingle Defense Squad Assemble!) *Pulls out a knife* (FANDOM: Coward!)

ETHAN: Oh come on. Put the knife down.

JASON: You can go now.

ETHAN: Sorry mate, how was I to know when you called, the Plot would have gotten him out of prison as well.

*Ethan leaves*

JASON: One time, I stood up for someone and the kids that were picking on him turned on me so...now I’m a bully. Go me!

AARON: *Tries to run*

JASON: *Knocks Aaron to the floor*

*Enter Cain to the rescue* (FANDOM: Finally!)

JASON: Well if it isn’t Cain Dingle. I mentioned you once. Glad to see it’s finally being paid off.

Hard man Cain > Hard man Jason

JASON: *Throws drugs at Aaron*

AARON: *Apologetic Face*

CAIN: *Disappointed Face*

ETHAN: *I know this isn’t what the fans wanted of me Face*

[The Woolpack with Robert, Rebecca and Victoria]

REBECCA: You sure you don’t mind me telling Victoria? Cause, she’ll obviously find out anyway. She knows more about me than I do.

ROBERT: Yeah, fine. Just don’t make a big deal about it in front of Aaron, the love of my life. *Looks around frantically for Aaron* Who is worryingly not here. Hmm...Plot, what are you up to now? Nothing good, most likely.

REBECCA: Is Vic working?

VICTORIA: Of course. I go where the Plot needs me. And...I feel my temporary personality transplant wearing off in 3…

REBECCA: We went to the scan.

VICTORIA: 2… The scan!!! Wait...you both went?

ROBERT: It was an accident okay! I didn’t want to be there! Let me make that perfectly clear.

VICTORIA: Fine, whatever. 1... So is everything okay?

REBECCA: Everything’s great with your nephew.

VICTORIA: BABY!!!! A NEPHEW!!! AWWWWWW! Mason, Grayson, Jayden…

REBECCA: Why are you naming my child?

VICTORIA: Well obviously I’ll be making this decision for you, so I’m just telling you what’s off limits. Also Braden and Brandon oh and definitely Walter, cause...Walter White. So that just leaves Vic! Cause I will be the most important person in his life so he should obviously be named after me. It’ll all make much more sense when I steal him from you after he is born...what? I’m not obsessed or controlling. Now, you go sit down and I’ll bring you a drink that I will decide on because you’re just a Plot Device and can’t make decisions on your own. Go on! Oh...Robert, what would you like?

ROBERT: You to remember that chat we had this morning about character continuity. Oh and an orange juice.

VICTORIA: Speaking of our chat this morning…*Makes money gesture with hand*

ROBERT: So...Bex, I guess we should set up a thing…

REBECCA: Very specific.

ROBERT: A trust fund or whatever. But Money and this Plot Baby are still not as important to me as Aaron. Again, just making that clear.

REBECCA: You want to do that.

ROBERT: It’s what the Plot wants.

REBECCA: You are the master of doing what the Plot wants.

ROBERT: Says the Plot Device. Look, I’m trying okay. So hard. If only the Plot would let me make some progress.

VICTORIA: Hey Bex, do you happen to have any proof that you actually went to this scan?

REBECCA: Yep, I got some 3D photos.

VICTORIA: Oh no, those don’t count. They look like badly drawn frogs. I guess I’ll just have to wait till it’s born. (Tinfoil Hat Fandom: Will it be?)

ROBERT: *Conflicted Face* Can I see? Damnit Plot! What are you trying to do to my resolve!?

[Outside the Mill of Misery with Aaron, Cain and Ethan]

AARON: Cain, wait up! I just want to say thanks for finally getting involved in my Plot. I was starting to think you forgot I existed.

ETHAN: Thank me too! I brought him to you as he was conveniently coming out of the pub earlier. I did good right?

AARON: Yeah, right. You did good.

ETHAN: Nice to see you mate.

AARON: Totally. If you want to move to the village with your girlfriend and baby and lesbian best mate, the fans will totally be cool with it. They’ve always said the show needs more lesbians and they like you.

ETHAN: Thanks mate. I’ll think about it.

*Ethan leaves*

CAIN: *Disappointed Face* Pathetic.

AARON: Look Cain, my Plot really really sucks. I needed a distraction.

CAIN: But do you not remember the Plot that broke up my own marriage? Your best mate’s sister died because of drugs! Remember?

AARON: Yeah, but...I’m struggling and if you knew anything about me at all, you would know that it was a huge deal for me to admit that. But when your husband is having a baby with a girl he got knocked up while you were inside, well, all bets are off.

CAIN: And drugs are going to fix that?

AARON: Well, no, probably not, but it’ll help me forget this Plot for a while.

CAIN: Again, do you not remember the Holly Plot? I also got word you brought it up with Ross when he was trying to sell drugs. If that’s not enough to deter you, then...I’ll see you at your funeral. (FANDOM: Umm...take that back)

[The Mill of Misery with Aaron and Robert]

AARON: *Stares at spice* *hears Robert coming in* *shoves spice down the side of the chair*

ROBERT: You’re back!

AARON: Been back ages…

ROBERT: And you couldn’t have sent me that as a message in response to the like 80 I sent you?

AARON: Don’t be so dramatic Robert, it was four.

ROBERT: So...what are you doing?

AARON: Sitting here...totally not doing anything suspicious at all.

ROBERT: I’m sorry for earlier.

AARON: Taking Rebecca to the hospital and leaving me to walk home?

ROBERT: Which you told me to do…

AARON: Well what was I supposed to say when we were already stopped?

ROBERT: Which, you also told me to do. Remember when I wanted to just drive right past her like she didn’t exist? Have I failed some kind of test here?

AARON: *Makes jokes to mask the pain*

ROBERT: I’m sorry. Everything is my fault. I really hate this Plot.

AARON: Did you go into the scan?

ROBERT: No, course not. Again, I only care about you. I waited outside.

AARON: In the car?

ROBERT: *Unnecessary Lie Alert* Yeah, course. - This will totally come back to bite me won’t it? - It’s a boy by the way. I’m only telling you because Vic knows cause she knows everything about this baby. *Unnecessary Lie Alert* Obviously I didn’t want to know but…

AARON: Wow, you’re having a son…

*Awkward tension filled silence* *Respective daddy issues boiling to the surface* *Both keeping quiet cause they don't want to hurt each other but are actually hurting each other more* #ThisPlotIsMiserable

ROBERT: So...once again, we are completely useless at our jobs - and I was so positive about that this morning - so let’s just skive off as usual and go get some tea at the pub.

AARON: Nah...I’m just going to push you away when I need you most. #IHateThisPlot

ROBERT: But I’ve missed you today *Off camera thigh touching* We clearly spend every moment together normally, so these few hours without you have felt like a lifetime. #Codependent 

AARON: You go, I have to further my #PeakAngst Plot and you can’t be here for that.

ROBERT: I’ll pretend I heard you say you’ll meet me at the pub.

*Soft forehead kiss* - for the fans before #PeakAngst

#TriggerWarning

AARON: *Throws away the drugs*

FANDOM: Yay!

AARON: *Goes and pulls out a knife from the drawer*

FANDOM: We knew it was coming and yet it’s still fucking awful

AARON: *Lifts up shirt*

FANDOM: That’s a lot of fresh cuts Aaron?! When did you start doing this again?! Now you turning down sex makes a lot more sense...have you had sex since the reveal?! You were planning on going to a cosy B&B to celebrate with german beer after the #SweetRevenge?! Was sex not on the table then? Or did you start after?! It’s no wonder your relationship is deteriorating more and more every episode. Sex was always how you communicated best...cause clearly words are not your strong suit. #GiveUsActualConversationPlease

AARON: *Self Harms*

FANDOM: *Cries* *Aaron Dingle Defense Squad Reactivate!*