legendaryevokercupcake

[legendaryevokercupcake]

im reading about cowboy phrases and sayings and like 95% of them are just solid life advice

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AIDEN MENTIONED! OBSCURE BLORBO SPOTTED!

Aiden = Otto = luocha

[legendaryevokercupcake]

(Just to preface, the only thing I mean offense on is the part about consent being a six letter word. Incredible offense at that. Just here to fact check!) 1.) He was both a priest and a doctor, as his father was the pope. 2.) His father (again, the pope) ordered him to experiment on them, he was never supposed to help them. The only person he was supposed to help was Eleanor Schariac, whom he did. He was under orders which, if he disobeyed, he very well may have been put to death or even turned into one of the patients himself. 3.) They were going to die anyways. As Durandal, acting as Su, mentions in the Second Key manga, the Honkai infection has a 100% death rate. He did develop a cure, but it required people to die to create it. (Quick aside here, if you're going to hold Otto responsible for those people's deaths, you'd better be a Fire Moth hater, too. Fire Moth's cure took 1,000 people's deaths to get enough antibodies to cure one person, and it seems that the cure was not administered at every point it was available.) 4.) He was well aware Kallen wouldn't want it and never believed she would, his justification was that even though she didn't want it, it would still help her, so her not wanting it didn't matter because it wouldn't even effect her directly unless he had to use the cure on her, in which case it would help. He went out of his way to hide it from her, actually. 5.) Experimenting on Sirin saved humanity (and he likely never saw her in person until she attacked earth, like with Collei in Genshin) but I will admit that human experimentation, in this case, is bad. 6.) C (1) O (2) N (3) S (4) E (5) N (6) T (7) Consent is a seven letter word 7.) He knew Kallen didn't love him, he accepted that, him being a "simp" is an idea created by the fandom and is frankly projecting. 8.) Theresa is a clone of Kallen with the DNA of the Honkai Beast Vishnu. She has no relation to Otto. He did not put any of his own DNA into her. I can't believe you didn't mention the fact that he nuked Siberia and tried to nuke New York, that feels much worse than any of the other things on this list! I think it's also worth mentioning that, while he does get the ending he wants, it isn't a happy one. He erases his own existence to give Kallen a shot at living, being killed by Durandal in the process. This is not a villain getting a fairytale happy ending like they didn't do anything wrong, this is him getting the most logical ending he could. He still dies in the end.

What the shibal I'm binge reading the hi3 manga and NO Otto LITERALLY is a horrible person why was HOYO tryna give him reconciliation?? Like no??

He is as old as like... Mans was a "priest"/doctor/it's complicated back in the Black Death era.... And he experimented on ppl who he was supposed to help (who had the sickness) saying "they're going to die anyways, I'm just speeding up the process" and "it's for Kallen. She would want this."

SIR?? NO SHE WOULDN'T?? ARE YOU MENTAL... (He is)

AND he experimented on Sirin, which literally caused 99% of the problems... Didn't understand a 6 letter word (consent) and so much more.

Insert more war crimes in his 500 years of existence

(bro thinks he's Fyodor Dostoevsky/j/not really)

And then despite Kallen making it clear that she has no feelings for him other then that if friends he still went ahead and made a child in a lab using both their DNA (Theresa)

Like uhm. Bestie no we don't do that...

I probably got some facts wrong I've been up since 3am reading the hi3 manga and decided to post this.. I'll probably reread it tmr lol

[legendaryevokercupcake]

I actually can't stop thinking about how the losing party last election dressed like vikings and tried to break into the white house and the losing party this election are sharing suicide prevention hotlines

[legendaryevokercupcake]

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

[legendaryevokercupcake]

your heart is a muscle the size of a rat

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you look great in that frog costume

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recently when im tempted to say 'i'm gonna kill myself' i try to correct it into saying "im gonna walk into the river and become a trout" or some other form of that. this is my new thing

[legendaryevokercupcake]

It's important to remember a few things here 1.) Welt was their enemy. He would have had to have a deep understanding of their ranking system so he could know what he was getting himself into. 2.) The Valkyrie ranking system isn't just "make thing go boom get better rank". It's heavily based on Honkai resistance. If you can tank a nuclear bomb, it doesn't matter if you don't have the strength to kill a rat. You can tank a nuclear bomb! Outside of just "Honkai resistance", Valkyries also were ranked higher on their non-combat abilities. A-Rank Valkyries like Wraith aren't A-Rank for their combat potential. Wraith is a master of disguise. So it's very likely that Stelle could be an S-Rank, or at least A-Rank Valkyrie. With the Stellaron, she probably has incredible Honkai resistance. Caelus... well, he couldn't be a Valkyrie at all. "Powerful" also doesn't necessarily mean "Good at attacking". Healers can be powerful, tanks can be powerful, spies can be powerful. A powerful healer, tank or spy can't be expected to one-shot something.

Reminder that Welt didn't work at Schicksal. Meaning his way of assessing someone's possible rank as a Valkyrie is most likely not accurate.

[legendaryevokercupcake]

Happy birthday to the silmarillion, the best book ever written. Full of complex characters, fantastic stories, tragic deaths, literally no happy endinh for anyone. I love it😭

[legendaryevokercupcake]

Can I both wed AND bed him?

otto apocalypse from honkai impact 3rd

[legendaryevokercupcake]

Ranking the Astral Express Crew on how likely they are to get into a fight.

(Slight spoilers for 2.4-2.5)

5. March 7th:

Despite being very cheeky and energetic, March is usually not that confrontational. She will certain fight as necessary, but she doesn't go around attacking people. She is a bit more of a tourist than a warrior. The recent Luofu arc has proved that. Even in the tournament, she was nervous about being the ringmaster and taking on opponents. In fact, March's most recent character arc has been about her fining her own strength and gaining new skills.

4. Himeko:

Like March, Himeko is not often someone who seeks out fights. In fact, she has seen less battle time than March. We have also seen Himeko act as the diplomat of the express on several occasions, often being the one that deals in negotiations and important people, like the in epilogue chapter of Penacony. That being said, she has access to what is functionally and giant space laser and a sawblade briefcase. She will throw hands, she just resorts to more peaceful measures first.

3. Trailblazer

Whether you play as Caelus or Stelle, one thing that can be agreed upon is that they are a chaotic trash raccoon with the same level of craziness of one. They carry around a bat for pete's sake. However, they are not higher on this list for two reasons. First, while they have very much threatened people, more often than not end up into fights via circumstance or accident rather than intentionally fighting someone. Usually, they use their powers for funny rather than evil. The second reason is that, as a player character, much of the Trailblazer's dialogue choices are up to the player, so them being more aggressive can vary account to account (or on this site, headcannon to headcannon).

2. Welt:

Anyone who has played or read anything related to Hi3 know why he's here. Man can summon whole tanks and weapons back in the Second Eruption and still lost to a twelve year old TWICE. Has more often than move to violence a lot faster than other characters, and has threatened some as well. Hell, in his conversation with Acheron he implied he would disintegrate her if she was a threat to the express. And the funny thing is that he has lost more fights than won them. He just does not learn. However, Welt has kind of mellowed out over the years, peace and age probably helped, and has been a bit more of a diplomat like Himeko as of late. Still, we should very much not see a mad Welt.

Dan Heng:

I ANYONE surprised by this (Hell, the last post I made about him inspired this one). He has canonically stabbed at least two people, fought a twelve year old AND WON, "killed" his stalker/possible ex-husband (its complicated), almost summoned a warship to Penacony, has been involved with 4 out of the 6 initially weekly boss battles, and is by the far the most distrustful of strangers out of the crew.

And it's all because that he found people he can trust, which is frankly the bottom line for all of the express. If the people they love are in trouble, they can and will raise hell.

Bonus: Pom-Pom:

I could see them hitting people with a broom when mad. Especially a certain cube.

[legendaryevokercupcake]

pocket sized <3

[legendaryevokercupcake]

Caelus would have found you if you had actually hid yourself in the trashcan though, Moze ;)

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As a vision disabled person, that's a FINE FUCKING LINE YOU'RE TREADING THERE, BUDDY! Let's, just real quick, go through some scenarios. .1.) I take off my glasses. I pick up a pan and try to make soup. Can I? NO! NO I CANNOT! It isn't infantilization to say I cannot make soup without my glasses! 2.) I take off my glasses. I go to my sewing machine and try to work on one of my cosplays. Can I? NO! NO I CANNOT! It isn't infantilization to say I cannot sew without my glasses! 3.) I take off my glasses. I go on a nice walk around the block. Can I? NO! NO I CANNOT! It isn't infantilization to say I cannot walk around outside without my glasses! Disabilities do disable you. There's a reason they're called disabilities. They make you unable to do things. Jiaoqiu is likely completely blind, which I am not. If I, someone who still has some vision, struggle to perform basic tasks like cooking and sewing without my glasses, you cannot expect someone who lacks vision entirely to perform those same tasks without an immense amount of effort and practice.

Now let's go over some things that ARE infantilization. 1.) Making him need help with simple tasks like bathing. I don't wear my glasses when bathing, and I get on just fine by memory. He would not need help with that. (Due to trauma, he should be at least lightly supervised for around a week to make sure he isn't a danger to himself, but that's a different problem.) 2.) Making him struggle in conversation. He doesn't need someone to speak on his behalf, and he is likely perfectly capable of understanding the other person's emotions using only their tone of voice. He would not struggle with conversation. 3.) Making his vision the center of his character. Blindness isn't a mental condition. It will affect how you go about tasks, not how you think. He still has a personality outside of being blind.

Making other characters lead him around is NOT infantilization. MANY blind people have service animals or service workers to help them. Those people are not made lesser by their need for outside assistance. (Also, point worth noting, "Great we got Hoyo disabled rep!" gives the implication that we didn't have any before, which we did. Both Herrschers of Reason from HI3 are disabled. Baizhu, Yelan, Qiqi, Collei and Xiao from Genshin are disabled. This is only counting physical disabilities. I don't know if that was OP's intent, but that was how it came across.)

Great we got Hoyo disabled rep!!! Let's not be fucking morons and infantilise them now mkay????

[legendaryevokercupcake]

[legendaryevokercupcake]

The mental image of Diluc attempting to explain to Varka why stormbearer mountains is now in multiple pieces when it's supposed to be in one piece and how he had absolutely no part in it, while the remains of the mountains are right behind him and he's practically red handed

And somehow managing to pull it off

I know right! It just

Varka standing in front of a Diluc just covered in dirt, and behind him, Stormbearer Mountains is creaked and missing a chunk.

"You really didn't have anything to do with that, Captain Diluc?"

"Nope. Not at all."

The Grandmaster is thinking that DIluc totally did have something to do with it. But honestly, I think he, in a small way purposely let Diluc talk him out of it because, well. Do you want to believe that 14-year-old put a creak in the mountain?

Either way, the whole situation is just absolutely hilarious.