#I should clean the bathroom instead of thinking about naruto

[boo-cool-robot]

it's kind of funny that I finished my Naruto read going "oh my god....Naruto and Sasuke are in love....." but it turns out I don't really like most SNS fan content and all my fic reading time is spent on epics about Sakura getting good at punching stuff or Itachi being a little weirdo

[cafeinthemoon]

The Home I Crave - Chapter XVIII

Chapter 18/?

Wordcount 1,7k

Title Need

Fandom Naruto

Pairing Tobirama Senju X reader

Previous chapters

1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5 . 6 .  7 . 8 . 9 . 10 . 11 . 12 . 13 . 14 . 15 . 16 . 17

Symbols ⭕ . ➕ . 💛

Warning (s): none

Tagging @uzumakgi (if you want to be tagged in any of my stories, just send an ask or a message 😉)

N. A.: It's just the continuation of the previous chapter's scene lol In the next one, I swear I'll take them out of this inn because I myself am getting suffocated for seeing them there for so long..........

In your opinion, what was really tiring about being sick was not the sickness itself – it was the impossibility of moving on with your life duties as you should.

You got dressed right after leaving the bathtub instead of doing it in the room to avoid a temperature shock in case you went there with only your towel. You were quicker to put on your clothes that time, but you still sensed some aching in your muscles whenever you tried to do harder movements. When you left the bathroom and went back to the futon, you saw the sheets were changed. Were the previous ones sweaty or dirty?

You thought of asking about this, but gave up when you noticed Tobirama bringing a heavy blanket on his shoulder and a cup of hot tea in his right hand: he has left the room for a moment to take those things for you with the people on the first floor.

You stared at him with inquiring eyes.

- You don’t need to worry – he said, putting the blanket over the mattress and giving you the cup – There are enough stuff for everyone out there. No one is going to stay without assistance because I brought this to you.

You said a whispered “thank you” and accepted the tea from his hands, sitting on the mattress right after. Your husband unfolded the blanket and helped you to wrap it around your shoulders, then went to the window and took some time looking at the outside. There was a moment of calm silence between you, each of you too occupied with your thoughts to start a conversation.

When you decided to talk, your cup was half empty and there was no longer steam coming up from it.

- Should we send a message to Konoha about the situation here?

Tobirama woke up from his deliberations, but didn’t startle. When he turned to you, the look in his eyes indicated that he was thinking of this too, and his reply only confirmed it.

- I considered sending a Shadow Clone to my brother, but it’s not a good idea to spend chakra after what we’ve been through last night and when we still have a long road ahead us. I will talk to the team from the Land of Wind and see if they can arrange paper and ink, so we can send a bird to Konoha.

- Good – you sipped more of your cold tea – On the other hand, I don’t want to send any message to my own village. Not when my father sent that letter to us.

You were looking directly to your cup’s interior, but you sensed his red eyes upon you.

- Y/n-san, let me ask you: what do you intend to do once we reach your village?

You knew the answer. You’ve been thinking of this since you left your house in Konoha. Your fingers held the cup more firmly.

- First, I’m going to check on my sister, of course. Right after that, I will talk to my father about that letter. I think I already said to you I could guess who gave him the idea for it, right? – you cleaned your sore throat and took a last sip from the tea – I need to find out exactly what happened after I left the compound.

Tobirama didn’t reply immediately. At first, you thought he was just thinking of the case, but then you realized that he remembered that you compared him to the person you thought to be the responsible for your father’s decision, as clearly as yourself.

You opened your mouth to say something, but a strange feeling – if pride or shame, you weren’t sure – stopped your voice from coming out and made you bit your lip; you did it with such strength that it started to hurt. You lowered your eyes to your cup again, now empty, and tried to think of what you were going to say, but had no success: were you going to apologize? To reaffirm what you said before? To try and figure out how he really felt about it?

You sighed… but your opportunity wasn’t entirely lost.

You noticed when your husband left the windowsill and approached you, offering his hand; you looked at your cup and took a second to understand he was asking for it. When you gave it back to him, your fingers rubbed on each other in a gesture that would go unnoticed if it happened days ago. However, you saw it as a chance now, and acted accordingly.

When his hand moved away a bit, you stretched yours and grabbed his wrist, your fingers barely surrounding it. That made him stop; his eyes widened a bit with the surprise and you sensed your throat tightening, but that wouldn’t restrain you this time.

- I’ve been wanting to say this for a while, but… it was stupid from my part to compare you with that elder – you passed your free hand on the back of your neck in discomfort – I couldn’t be further from the truth.

For a moment, none of you seemed to breathe inside the room. You were dying on the expectancy of a response, and he was trying to process what he just heard. Your heartbeats were exploding inside your ears, and you didn’t dare move. Was he going to accept your words, or reject them? Was he going to mock you? To believe in you? Was he…

- I’m going to take this to the kitchen – he spoke in what sounded like a whisper if compared to his usual tone – Then I’m going to talk to the shinobi and see if they can help us with the message. Please, take some rest.

You nodded in silence, relief and bitterness blended inside you while your hand loosened its grip around him. He slipped his wrist from your reach and walked to the door with no additional words.

***

What you remembered from that strange day was that you spent most of it sleeping.

After that shy attempt of apologizing, you laid on the futon and might fell unconscious while waiting for your husband to come back. You only opened your eyes again when it was already sunset, or what the day offered instead of one: you glanced at the window and noticed the clouds still lingered in the sky, that time spreading a dark, rosy light over the land and inside the room. You moved the blanket just enough to sit up, but kept it around you when you decided to leave the bed and go to the window. A chilling breeze entered through it and made you stop to adjust the heavy fabric around your neck and chest; with a slight burn in your eyes, a reminiscence of sleep, you observed the outside, the top of the trees covered with that magenta shade that used to welcome the evenings.

A low creak was heard at your back. You glanced over your shoulder and noticed the door being opened and quickly closed by your husband. He brought some food with him, which was left upon that small table he borrowed from the inn’s owner and was still there for your use, then came to your side.

You felt a large hand over your left shoulder and his voice calling you. When you turned to him, you saw his fingers grabbing the blanket and taking it off your neck while he mumbled an “excuse me”; before you could ask what he was doing, you felt him brushing your disheveled hair away form your shoulder and touching your neck on both sides with the back of his hand, then your forehead. You shivered with the contact.

- The fever is not so bad, thankfully – he adjusted the blanket around you – You just need proper rest.

You nodded. Tobirama was going to leave you and sit by the table, but you put a hand on his arm to stop him. You had something to say.

- About what I said earlier…

You started the sentence, but you found out you couldn’t finish it. In fact, you’ve already said what you had to say, but you somehow felt the need of more words, more explanation. Was that really necessary, or were you just wanting to fulfill a selfish need to chat after all those hours isolated between those four walls? Were you doing what you had to do or just embarrassing yourself? Were you starting… to need him?

Whatever the case, all small discomforts were ended by his usual practicality.

- It’s alright for me, y/n-san – he touched your hand upon his arm for a second – Now, let’s have our dinner before it gets cold.

***

After a silent meal, Tobirama went to take a bath. You stated that you were going to organize the table (the plates would be taken downstairs the next morning, at breakfast time) and get back to the futon.

You were already lying on it when your husband came back. You didn’t want to open your eyes, so you guessed what was going on by the sounds: the bathroom’s door opened, letting waves of steam out, then was left like that, the warmth spreading across the room; calm steps were taken toward the futon, followed by the pressure of a body upon its fabric. The blanket was moved a bit, leaving your back exposed, then it was put back on its place, but now you had company. You sensed an arm wrapping around you and a warm chest upon your back. You startled, but resisted the impulse to flinch.

A simple, but weird conversation followed.

- Are you okay lying beside someone who’s sick?

- I’ve already got some things worse than a cold. Your condition is not a problem for me.

- I see. Have you always been so strong? Is it a family thing?

- You can say that.

A moment of silence, and it restarted.

- And what about the letter?

- I managed to send it. Fortunately, they still had some paper and ink. If the weather collaborates, my brother will receive it in two days.

- That’s good. I was observing the sky before you came back. I don’t think it’s going to rain again. At least not like that...

You yawned at the end of that phrase and couldn’t recall how that chattering ended.

[fairiesfields]

SSM 2022 Day 03

Prompt: Shared Apartment

Summary: Haruno Sakura finds her best friend and roommate's friend - Uchiha Sasuke and she won't let her peaceful day end in disappointment. (Mafia!AU)

Rated: M

A/N: Sorry in advance for the possible errors! I have written this fic half asleep hehe. Enjoy!

The day has been relatively peaceful to Sakura's liking. With a smile plastered on her face, Sakura journeyed her way home thinking about what she should prepare for dinner. Not that she knows how to cook other than instant ramen and boiled egg, she is sure that she will just end up ordering some take out.

Her night is already planned out, her best friend Naruto called her earlier that he will be spending the night with her girlfriend Hinata at her house. That's why, Sakura's looking forward to her rare peaceful night. She will soak in a nice and warm bath, eat a pint of cookies and cream ice cream while she watches her favorite series, and maybe wear her new pair of lingerie just because she is feeling it.

With a skip on her step, Sakura arrived at her apartment, fishing her keys out of her pocket. And once the door is open, she relishes the feeling of a clean and tidy abode. Not to mention it is quiet and free of Naruto's incessant talking and loud blasts of music. The thought of a rare Naruto free night makes her giggle. She quickly strips herself off of her clothes, leaving only her underwear. Making sure to pour herself a glass of wine before she bask herself under her warm bath.

She keeps on chanting to herself how she needed this after a long day at work and saving lives. She wouldn't let Naruto's absence go to waste.

Sipping on her glass of wine while humming a tune under her breath, she abruptly stops when a noise could be heard inside the bathroom. Dread fills her entire being, why would an intruder choose this day of all days? When she was alone? Can't they trespass while she's with Naruto? Her whirling thoughts makes her visibly shake to the possibility that she was about to die in her underwear.

Steeling her nerves she grabs a pan and raises it high with both of her hands, ready to attack the intruder and put them in place! Even though alarm bells are ringing inside her ears loudly, telling her to stop and just run for her life. But, no. Her aunt Tsunade didn't raise her to be a coward, she will absolutely pound whoever is behind this door.

What if they have a gun? a voice inside her head whispers frantically. If they have, they should have attacked her the moment she entered their home. Right? Ack, really? stop overthinking!

With careful and deliberate steps she walks towards the bathroom door with her hand and pan above her head. She will knock him out and call the cops. Why don't you call the cops now? She stops on her tracks, mulling about calling the authorities while she can. But the thought of the intruder knowing that she already knows that someone is here is a very dangerous move. They could mean no harm for her and instead they are here because they needed money, and when they hear that she is calling the cops… this could possibly go into a hostage situation!

Right. She starts walking again, willing herself not to overthink any further.

Stopping just in front of the door, she twists the knob and is surprised that it is locked. Of course, it is! Damn! She twists the knob again and again, cursing under her breath. How can she knock him out? She doesn't stop twisting the knob until she is rattling it, no longer scared of the prospect of a danger lying just behind this very door.

Why can't you just open! For fuck's sake!

A click echo in the otherwise quiet apartment. Sakura twists the knob again and it opens. Gaping like a fish caught in the net, she grips her hands around her pan's handle tightly. She inhales deeply and kicks the door open, it doesn't fully open because something or someone is blocking the door inside. Sakura slips inside the bathroom, turning her head slowly to the left like she is in a horror movie, afraid of a ghost lingering around the house.

What greeted her makes her drop her pan, it clunks loudly and it echoes around the tiled floor and walls of the bathroom. She immediately kneels beside the bleeding man. Placing her hand on the wound on his broad shoulders, the man is bleeding profusely.

"What happened?" she asks in a rush and panicked voice, the man - no, Uchiha Sasuke, just grunts his response. Gritting his teeth so hard she is sure it will hurt him. "Let's get you to hospital" she continues to speak and moves to help him get up but she is stopped by his strong arm.

"No, where is Naruto?"

"He's not here and you need help, don't mind him!"

"I wasn't informed that you would be here" did his voice just shake? Oh, this is bad he will lose a lot of blood.

"I'll get my equipment" she says in a rush and takes off.

He watches her leave, willing himself not to look at her very exposed body. Naruto that prick! He told him he would be here and that he would look at his wound himself. He didn't tell him that this little workmate slash best friend of his is here. And apparently as he can see, she also lives here. Another fucking thing Naruto didn't tell him. He swears if Kakashi is part of this ridiculous setup, Sasuke will strangle them to death.

His work was always dangerous, being someone from the infamous clan of Mafias makes him a target. And now that his brother is ill, everyone's eyes are on him because he is the next in line to inherit the title of Clan Leader. All transactions and business, or killings would run to him. And it all means an overflowing amount of money. Not that he cares about that, he cares more about his family's reputation.

Today was one of his bad days, he was caught off guard by the amount of hoodlums sent to kill him. Good thing he has trusted guards and he could hold a gun very well so he managed to escape with only a gunshot wound on his shoulder.

The rustling of bags, halts his racing mind. Sakura sits beside him again. She sits on the balls of her feet and her breasts are so close to his right shoulder where his wound is. He gulps, suddenly his throat is dry. What am I thinking, seriously? And why didn't she put some clothes on anyway?

If only she knew how much restraint he's enduring right now not to look at her body and to keep his eyes on the far end corner. He's trying hard not to appreciate her closely; To finally look at her this close and not just from a far. He always has this sort of attraction to his best friend's friend since that day he first saw her, all ragged and tired from her hospital shift but she still managed to look so pretty and warm.

His heart quickens at the thought of her and he didn't even realize that she already pulled out the bullet and the throbbing on his shoulder has dulled.

"I can't believe I just operated on someone while I'm in my underwear" she grumbles. He just watches her with amusement huff and pout, she crosses her arms on her chest and the act makes her breasts become more visible in his eyes. It will be embarrassing to be caught staring at someone's mounds but he can't help it and a hot searing desire uncoiled itself and it made his member twitch under his pants.

He quickly shuts off his nasty thoughts about the woman who just saved his life. It was very inappropriate and he should be thanking her but instead… Sasuke clears his throat and looks away, not really sure on what to do next. He should go home after thanking her of course, maybe even pay her for her good deeds, but he cannot find it in himself to leave yet. For some reason, he wanted to stop time and just sit here on the cold bathroom floor with Sakura for hours.

You're down bad, huh? Naruto's taunting voice flits through his treacherous mind. He sighs and finally looks at her gorgeous face.

"Thanks," he says.

"You ruined my night! I was supposed to soak in the bath and just relish the time away from my noisy friend!" she shrieks.

In her outburst, he can't stop the laugh bubbling from his throat. At least they have something in common, they are both annoyed by the one and only Naruto.

"Sorry about that" he smiles at her, he is surprised to himself that he had allowed himself to let out a genuine smile. Ah, this wasn't that bad. I could get used to this.

He finds her looking at him with an expression akin to amusement and adoration, a blush slowly creeps down his cheek despite his effort to stop it.

"You know, I could kiss you right now" by her admission his eyes widens but he quickly schools his expression afraid to show some sort of weakness.

But before he could think further for any response to that, his mouth is already moving to say "I actually would not mind at all".

To say that he is surprised by what happens next is an understatement; Sakura moves to sit on his lap and straddles his legs. He sucks in a breath at the sight she has given him. Her toned stomach and milky soft skin invades his senses, her breasts aren't that big but they are full and he wants nothing but to feel them under his calloused palms. His eyes travel around her body without his control and when she finally leans down to capture his lips with hers, all of his senses explode and all that he could think about is how soft she is.

His hands plants on her hips, feeling her soft skin under his palms as he kisses her back in the same amount of fervor. Their lips are tangled and their tongues are dancing with each other, licking and tasting every crevice of each other's warm mouth. He runs his hand on Sakura's torso, stopping on one of her mounds and gently squeezes it. The act promptly earns a moan elicits from her pretty mouth. Fuck, he wants to hear her again. He wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her flush on his chest.

And a stinging pain erupted from his shoulder as her hand accidentally touched his wound. They both stop, clearly out of breath and she flashes him a sheepish smile. "Sorry" she says shyly. Her cheeks are flushed and her lips are swollen from his assault. If he could capture this moment with his eyes and just remember this forever, he will. There is nothing that he wants right now but her.

"Hn"

He saw her look at his lips, as if asking for his permission to kiss him again and warmth bloom inside his chest on how adorable she is. He is about to kiss her but Naruto's obnoxious voice accompanied by a kick on the bathroom's door interrupts them.

Sasuke casts him an annoyed glare. The moron has the gall to grin and wiggle his brows.

"About damn time, bastard! I will leave you both and do your thing. Don't forget to clean this shared apartment after!"

With that Naruto turns on his heel, leaving the both of them gaping at the closed door.

"Sakura, would you go on a date with me?" he blurts out, ignoring the way his cheeks flares up on what he just said.

It's now or never.

[cherrynojutsu]

Title: Like Gold

Summary: Sasuke grapples with love and intimacy regarding his developing relationship with Sakura after returning to the village from his journey of redemption. Kind of a character study on Sasuke handling an intimate relationship after dealing with PTSD and survivor’s guilt in solitude for so long. Blank period, canon-compliant, Sasuke-centric, lots of fluff and pining, slowly becomes a smut fest with feelings.

Disclaimer: I did not write Naruto. This is a fan-made piece solely created for entertainment purposes.

Rating: M (eventual nsfw-ness)

AO3 Link - FF.net Link - includes ending author's notes

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Chapter 8/?: Grasping

Sasuke awakens abruptly, nausea clawing its way out of his throat like a soup of sepsis that’s been left percolating on a stovetop for too long, finally boiling over and soiling everything.

Stomach churning, he tries to aim it at the floor - he’s gotten better at doing that, over the years - but he doesn’t quite succeed. Hot bile, acidic with mostly digested dinner, coats the side of his bedding and part of his sleeve.

He coughs, gagging on acid and torment and hyperventilation. Then his stomach lurches again, and he turns to retch another round at the floor. Part of it floods his nostrils, stinging, and he rasps more.

That triggers another round, after which he waits a minute, sharp coughs punctuating the stillness, familiar at this point with what his stomach’s settling feels like. He shrugs off his shirt once it does, and makes his way to the kitchen, hacking on a foul aftertaste and vomit-inducing visuals flashing before his eyes.

A glance at the clock tells him it’s half past midnight as he gulps water, snorting in a manner very undignified to clear out his nasal passages and soothe the putrid taste overwhelming his insides. Then he chokes more of it down, feeling the beginnings of a pounding headache.

There are times when having a near photographic memory is not a good thing. He is very tired of recalling crackling electricity, of stumbling over body after body with lifeless eyes. Men, women, children, all with charcoal irises like his.

And teammates, with irises decidedly not like his, luster flattened to single dull colors.

And himself, at the end, deranged and dispiteous, standing where Itachi had stood a long time ago, looming over remains as if he himself is the final obstacle to defeat before it just ends, the culminating villain in some fucked up fable. All at once, he’s a child again, gagging on a demented form of truth, left to stew there for years and years and years, rotting him from the inside out.

He's noxious. He knows he is. He wishes he could spit himself out along with partially digested yakitori.

Sasuke takes another sip of water as his vision blurs, trying desperately to focus on the wood grain of the cabinets and not daring to close his eyes, lest another flash snake its way into his ocularity and undo the mild soothing the water is providing. He coughs again, throat raw. Then his mouth starts watering, a telltale sign that he’s going to throw up again, so he walks carefully to the bathroom, bottle in hand and trying not to jostle his stomach more than is necessary. Switching on the light and flipping up the seat of the toilet, he makes it just in time.

This round it’s mostly just water, and it burns a little less. The murky brown color he’s faced with seems very reflective of what he feels inside, ignominy and wretchedness and self-loathing, no substance at all, just a bitter aftertaste of that which was left behind on a wood floor a lifetime ago. There had been saliva then, too, seeping from his mouth to the floor in his cowardice.

He swallows once, a gargantuan effort. Then he takes another sip of water, studying the text on the label to try to distract himself, vile and unsettled as he is.

He doesn’t deserve Sakura, not after what he’s done. When his vision starts to blur again, he can’t read anymore anyway, so he looks at the mangled mess left of his left arm instead.

He deserves that, a maiming to fit the crime. He wishes he were a better man.

Slowly so as not to further disturb his stomach, he lies down sideways, pressing his cheek to the coolness of the floor. He feels disconnected from everything, at a loss for proper coherent thought, a mess of misery sprawled on a tile too clean for his own rancidness.

Nothing matters for a long time. He just stares into nothingness, a mild burning in his throat and eyes on a void of pure white that he doesn’t belong in, thinking about how it matches the skin tone of bodies that have been drained of all their color. It’s like he’s barely there, nothing seeming real except the hollow feeling in his chest and the buzzing sensation tempering the edge of his consciousness, like his brain has been stuffed with cotton but parts of it are burning away to nothing. Everything of substance singes away in a controlled burn, destined to always have gaping holes of meaning scorched away at random wherever the fire takes hold.

He doesn't know if there ever even was anything in the first place, deep down. Maybe corrosion is a terrible metaphor, because what's left, at the end of it? Layers and layers of useless shale and sandstone and limestone, packed atop Precambrian filth that’s been decaying there for what feels like centuries. Or magma, set to burn anything he touches.

Or electrocute it.

XXX

Suddenly it’s hours later, and a bird is chirping outside, twitters resounding through a metaphysical tunnel of distortion. Gradually it shifts into an audio that doesn’t sound quite as echoed, accentuated by light filtering in through the miniscule bathroom window.

This happens, sometimes, the nightmares and the absconding into abeyance where his brain seems to shut off, a resulting loss of significant chunks of time. Not sleeping, just staring at something dully for a while, stuck on the same cycle of repeating thought. The memorial stone is a trigger for it, he thinks. It’s why he dreaded going there, upon his return, although it's complicated. Occasionally, visiting it seems to bring feelings that are almost positive, where it feels like he’s reaching out to reclaim tiny shattered shards of what used to be his heart. Mostly, though, it’s just mourning. The reading of names may be what compels the worst of them; sometimes he thinks if he looks too long, he’ll learn things he doesn’t want to know.

Exhausted, he drags himself to his feet and begins wryly picking up the pieces, chest hurting from heaving. He throws his bedding and his shirt haphazardly into the washing machine, drowning them in soap before he grabs cleaner to do the same to his floors.

It smells disgusting, like it’s been petrifying in his stomach for years. He supposes that makes sense; a lot of things have.

Once the surface is clean, he gets in the shower, not caring that all of the hot water is being used for the laundry; the icy cold helps wake him up. He’s fatigued, lethargic, but he knows better than to try to go back to sleep at this point.

As he fights shivers in the towel afterwards, he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looks awful. Pale and sickly, repulsive, purple sallow staining his skin the same color as the Rinnegan. His normal eye is bloodshot, vacant charcoal that pollutes everything it touches. He lets the black of his hair shift over his Rinnegan eye in a manner he's well accustomed to by now.

His remaining eye inches to the corner of the mirror, the front of the medicine cabinet.

He carefully procures a cough drop, and then makes sencha tea, hoping the caffeine will dull his headache. There’s a part of him that still feels like he’s hardly there, like he’s a ghost just going through the motions. When he takes a sip, it feels good on the throat, but the vomiting earlier has partially singed away the surface of his tongue; he hardly tastes it.

Sasuke then takes the photo from when they were Genin to the living room, grasping onto it for dear life in more ways than one. He alternates between studying it and gazing out the glass, to the cherry blossom tree across the street.

An hour passes, slowly, sitting there thinking about what he does and doesn’t deserve, a mess of thoughts swirling down the drain of his mind. Then another. The luminescence of the day begins trickling in more, green buds across the street gaining back their pigment.

He’s not sure if he should even go to Sakura’s still, because he feels like he’s going to make even worse company today than he usually does, as tired as he is. But he’s weak, and he selfishly wants her; there’s an equanimity only she can provide, the swingback of a pendulum briefly through a sense of normalcy, and he needs the chance to look into jade eyes, to see the light hit them, to ascertain that the chatoyancy has not been dulled. And she’s not dead, despite his inner psyche screaming at him that she would be, had Naruto or Kakashi arrived just a second later. He needs to thank them for that, when he gets the chance, though the timing has never felt right to bring it up.

And he loves her. He's not sure if his love is worth anything, contemptible as he is, but it’s the main reason he can make sense out of the absolute mess that is his inner thought process this morning. So he goes.

XXX

It helps. He’s enormously exhausted, and the light of day hurts his eyes, even once he’s inside and is only absorbing its rays from the diamond window, but it helps.

“Sasuke-kun,” she greets in a voice like honey as she opens her door to him, dimple on open display. She really is so lovely, multi-faceted jade sparking with life that nearly instantly calms some of his anxiety.

He is briefly concerned about what he looks like to her, today. He checked prior to coming over here, brushing his teeth thrice in the hopes that his breath wouldn’t be bad, that he could drench his innards in enough clarifying mint to be even remotely deserving of a small amount of her affection. His eye was a little less bloodshot at that point, but overall he still looked like hell, sickly and pallid.

“Sakura,” he murmurs in response, voice hoarse from being put through a ringer of his own making.

There is a prolonged moment in which she examines him, wearing an analytical expression that reminds him of clinician Sakura. Then the spell is broken, as if she’s forcibly turned that part of herself off, and she’s stepping aside and telling him softly, “Come in! I made onigirazu.”

He steps inside her entryway, setting his book on the console table momentarily beside where Hazel Wood lies, ready to be returned. He then shifts out of her way so he can remove his shoes. He’s not particularly hungry, but he’s glad it’s something fairly simple and heavy on the rice; he should be able to eat it fine.

He follows her inside, appreciating the subdued luminosity of her lamps along the way. The blankets are already laid out on the couch, a promise of simple warmth and companionship that he is very much looking forward to.

As his eye adjusts and he enters the kitchen, ready to grab a plate, his gaze locks on remnants of sliced tomatoes atop a cutting board he recognizes, though it’s familiar to him from his own apartment, not hers.

It’s exactly the same design as the one Naruto gifted him.

A fire roars to life in his ribcage as he freezes for a split second, an exhausted icy hot appreciation. It’s an implication that means the world to him, and particularly well timed.

She wants him around, to help prepare future meals.

“I put some sliced tomatoes in yours. I hope it’s okay,” Sakura says as she hands him a plate, not addressing the elephant in the room at all, as if she just needed a new cutting board and happened to pick up that one, though he knows that cannot possibly be the case; he'd seen at least two in her cupboard, before. “Would you like tea, or maybe some water?”

He nods stiffly, vision a bit blurry, then comprehends the second question.

“Water is fine,” he manages thickly.

They sit in front of her window, supple sunshine streaming in. It’s not too bright here, angled just right.

“...How was your morning?” He asks after taking a sip of water, voice still gravelly. He is beyond content to be sitting here, just looking at her, so much better than a picture.

“Good. Ino and I walk or jog in the early morning on Sundays, if it's nice. Hinata comes sometimes; she did today.” She chews a bite of her rice sandwich.

Sasuke blinks; she hasn’t mentioned that yet. Another chunk of her schedule falls into place. “...Where?”

A half smile blooms on her lips, dimple pushed into being. “Sometimes we run laps around the village, but usually there's no real destination; we just walk and visit.” She takes a sip of her own water. “It’s nice when Hinata comes; it tones Ino down a notch.”

He would snort, if he was in a different sort of mood.

“We went to the southeast part of town today,” she continues. “Ino wanted to see a new building they put up. Her mom has a big order of flowers to deliver there later this week.”

Flowers. In the chaos of the night he’s had, lily bulbs fell to the wayside of his mind.

Sasuke carefully takes the first bite of his own food. It’s good, as he expected; a mixture of salmon, tomato, and salted rice, simple enough to hopefully help settle his stomach. He can kind of taste it.

He chews slowly, reverently, alternating between eating and taking small sips of water as she chatters animatedly. “The flower shop's orders are really taking off now. Ino’s usually busiest once May comes. Hopefully things stay peaceful, so she can stay in the village for the most part; her mom can always use the extra help.”

They wash and dry the dishes together, afterwards, a routine that is beginning to feel familiar. She still doesn’t say anything about the cutting board, but Sasuke greatly appreciates the way it feels in his hand when she gives it to him, weighty and with a designated home under her roof. It slides into place easily in the cupboard with the two others.

They read for a while on her couch again, wrapped in their respective blankets; Sakura keeps her apartment fairly cool. It’s cozy in a way that makes his head feel funny, like he could fall asleep in minutes if he really tried, lulled by the soothing scent of berry and cleanliness. He wonders if it would be restful, if he did. Usually once enough time ellipses, well into the next day, his brain cuts him some slack, though it could be that he's just too exhausted from being up most of the night for the neurons to fire up again to such a frenzy.

Sasuke finishes the last chapter of his book sluggishly and contemplates the ending, a lengthy description of the fisherman gripping the solid railings of the dock with both hands as he comes ashore for the first time in months.

When he flicks his gaze to Sakura tiredly, she’s a third of the way through a new book, titled Among the Ruins: Post-War Reflections. It appears to be a memoir; he assumes it must be one she’s purchased, as it doesn’t have the library label. Perhaps it’s new, picked up this morning while she was out, or it could be one from her bookshelves. He would like to peruse the titles she has, sometime. He drowsily wonders which war it’s about.

He takes a careful breath and just revels in it, being here with her, mere feet away with his eyes closed but able to sense her presence, worn out with thoughts that have edges as frayed as he is. He would like to stay for dinner, too. He thinks it’s perhaps becoming implied that they’ll eat together if she doesn’t have other plans, but he doesn’t want to be rude or overstay his welcome.

Sasuke hopes he can stay awake. Maybe he shouldn’t have said no to tea earlier; the additional caffeine might have helped. He could offer to make them both some, he thinks fuzzily, but then he starts wondering if that would be odd or overstepping. It’s her tea, and her kitchen, and her cups.

Then he sleepily remembers the cutting board.

“You can take a nap, you know,” Sakura murmurs kindly, soft words echoing a little in the stillness of her space. “If you’re tired. I don’t mind.”

He blinks his eyes open, vision adjusting as he realizes he nearly dozed off.

She’s smiling from the other end of the couch. “I can make dinner later, and wake you up when it’s ready. You should rest until then.” She pauses, then adds, “I can grab you a better pillow from my room, if you want.”

His brain catches up to his auditory processing, and then his ears warm.

Oh.

The offer is tempting, though he doesn’t want to be rude. If it were any other day, he would force himself to stay awake, to spend more time with her. But it’s not any other day, and he’s drained, enervated in a way that makes him want to give in. He should ask, to make sure it’s okay, but he’s pretty sure she wouldn’t offer if it wasn’t.

“...Here?”

A flush inks its way onto her cheeks as her expression turns thoughtful. “Yes. Or... you can use my bed, if you want.”

Sasuke forces his gaze away from hers, because his face feels extremely warm all of the sudden. “...I meant… here, at your apartment.”

“Oh.” Sakura laughs in a way that sounds nervous; he hears her fiddling with the book in her lap. “I, um… just meant whatever’s most comfortable.”

When he hesitantly looks back to her, she’s red, too.

“...What will you do?”

She gestures with her hand in a waving motion to indicate it's fine. “I can read, or do some laundry or work stuff. It’s no trouble. Really, Sasuke-kun.” Her blush deepens. "...I would like you to stay… And to have dinner later. If you’re free."

He swallows before slowly nodding his acquiesce, and then Sakura is up and heading to her bedroom in a blink of mismatched eyes. Muffled footsteps pad back moments later, a pillow with a lavender pillowcase clutched in her hands.

Her bedding must be a variant of violet, then, a pastel contrast to the black of his own. He is curious about the color of her bedroom walls all over again, but then she’s handing him the pillow, and he’s too tired to continue thinking.

“...Thank you.”

The smile she wears is so soft, treasured. “You’re welcome.”

He’s out within a few minutes of laying his head on the pillow, drowsing eyes barely catching the lamps flickering off one by one as she meanders around her space.

The pillow smells like her, too, cogent in its beckoning. He sleeps like a rock.

XXX

Sakura nudges him awake hours later, leaning forward to rest her upper body against the back of the couch. The scent of miso and roasted tomatoes drifts into his nostrils while lively jade peers down at him. The light coming from her window has dimmed quite a bit. It must be well into the evening; she let him sleep for a while.

“Dinner’s ready,” she murmurs softly, wearing an expression that is incredibly fond.

He stretches slightly as he rises from her sofa, working out a crick in his shoulder and thinking that he feels much more rested. Sasuke is about to head to her kitchen to get his own bowl, until Sakura turns towards the table, and he sees that she's already set out food for both of them, green market light switched on overhead.

There's onigiri, too, and a steaming cup of sencha placed on his side that he's sure is decaffeinated.

His side.

The realization, albeit a good one, disarms him.

He has a side of her table. And a side of her couch.

Sakura recites a story Hinata told her this morning as they eat, about how Naruto initially buried every single flower bulb in their garden beds six inches deep instead of reading the directions, so they had to dig everything up and salvage the instructions on the package from the trash to replant.

“He mixed them all together, too, instead of planting them in sections like a normal person.” She laughs, and his lips turn upwards in shared amusement. “She said she hopes they didn’t miss one. Iris and echinacea can sometimes multiply out of control. She was happy she didn’t add bee balm to the list, too, or they’d really be in trouble; those can grow anywhere, even in gravel.”

The soup and tea feel good on his throat, and the rice is filling in a way that would be difficult to throw up, absorbent of moisture and chunking together to expand in his stomach until he is full, in more ways than one.

He can taste again, the richness of tomato and miso and calming ubiquitous green on his tongue and in his heart, thoughts of flowers and their idiot teammate helping to cast aside his earlier melancholy.

Sasuke loves her so much in that moment that it physically aches, her voice a balm that puts the rawest parts of him at ease.

"Thank you," he says quietly at the conclusion of the meal, grateful in ways he's not sure he'll ever be able to put into words.

Her response is simple, gentle, pure. “You’re welcome.”

As they wash and dry the dishes together in the dim light of her kitchen, Sakura tells him softly, “I put leftovers in containers for you in the fridge. Please take them with you tonight.”

He nods as his eyes sting with appreciation. When he turns to put away the teacups, he blinks to clear them as she wipes down the sink one last time for the evening.

As she sorts through her movie selection afterwards - it’s her turn to pick - he asks, “How is the poison antidote coming?”

Sakura glances at him curiously for a second from where she’s perched on the wood floor, rifling through the lower cabinet. “I think we might have it solved. Blarina toxin from a southern short-tailed shrew, and then possibly lionfish toxin, laced with algal bloom cyanobacteria. The lionfish toxin is part of the trouble; it’s such a trace amount that it was hard to identify, not enough to cause swelling on the exterior body like you’d see if you were stung by one in person. We’re still running tests, but the neutralization seems to be working on the mice so far.” She blanches a little. “Or, rather, the mice we have left. It’s diminished our stocks; shrew venom is particularly deadly to them.”

Sasuke knew it was likely to kill several of them, but not quite to that extent. He’s interested in her work, so he asks, “How many?”

She turns back to sift through her cabinet as she answers, pulling out another movie to examine. “A gland-full of venom is potent enough to kill up to two hundred of them. It’s why it took us longer than usual; we had to give them the absolute tiniest dose in order to not kill them within hours. I guess it makes sense; they’re one of the things they eat in the wild. The dose in the poison sample was high, though, venom from multiple shrews. A single bite usually isn’t enough to do any harm to humans, but when it’s quadrupled in dosage and laced with other things, it’s more severe.”

“...What’s the treatment?”

Sakura rattles off the extremely complex answer as if it’s nothing. “An antihistamine, steroid, botulinum toxin, and an antibiotic. We’re also giving them blood transfusions and flushing out the blood as it comes to the exterior machine, to get rid of the cyanobacteria. Kind of like conventional water treatment… just more complicated. More steps, filtration, and obviously we can’t use chlorine, so it takes longer.”

Sasuke blinks somewhat in awe. She really is so intelligent.

“...That sounds lengthy.”

She shrugs, movie still in hand. “It is. It’s why we’re not one hundred percent sure if we’ve solved it yet; the lionfish venom is still the weak link, and will be until we can see that the other portions of the treatment have worked to isolate it.”

“...I’d like to learn the process.”

A smile plays at her lips and a flush inks its way onto her cheeks. He supposes it was a roundabout sort of compliment; he could have worded it better, but she seems to have understood him anyway. She does about a lot of things, he thinks.

“I can bring home a kit, sometime, and teach you the basics. It could be useful.”

He nods; he would like that.

There is a long pause as Sakura bites her lip before further examining the movie case in her hand.

Then, she asks, a tentative expression on her face and peeking at him to gauge his reaction, “Want to watch a bad one?”

Sasuke wonders if she knows he would watch any movie with her, if it means he gets to be in her company like this, saved from a room with white tiles or dark wood.

“...Sure.”

She wasn't exaggerating; it is truly terrible, riddled with plot holes so nonsensical that it’s almost funny. The acting is bad, too, though perhaps that’s more to blame on the script rather than the actors.

“Even the camera work is awful,” Sakura says at one point, gesturing towards the left side of the screen. “If you look in the background here, there’s an extra that just… walks into the wall.”

He watches, and sure enough, behind the main characters, a girl walks directly into a corner and just stands there.

He snorts, genuinely enthused in a manner he would not have thought possible hours ago. Sakura laughs at the other end of the couch. It’s a sound he could listen to forever, sweet and chiseled into his heart.

They play an extensive round of go afterwards, venturing well into the night with the plinking of small pieces into place. It’s nearly eleven when she finally walks him to her doorway, two containers of tomato miso soup and onigiri in her hands. As he pulls on his shoes, Sakura sets them by his library book on the console table.

“Would you want to read tomorrow afternoon?” She asks as he rises to his full height.

He nods. “...I’ll meet you here.”

Her dimple makes a reappearance. “One fifteen?”

He inclines his head again in agreement, then decides to ask. It’s becoming easier, now that she has said yes so many times.

“Dinner, after?”

Her smile widens. “Of course. I was thinking gyudon. Light on the sugar. You could…” She bites her lip and shifts a bit. “...You could help me cook, if you’d like.”

Something turns over in his belly. “...Okay.”

She glows at him. He swallows once before reaching out to skim her freckle, enjoying the feel of her cheek against the pad of his thumb.

And then her fingers against his fingers, holding him there against her cheek, soft and steady.

Then he leans down, and his lips are on hers, a breath exhaled in unison as her entryway falls away. Her free hand twists around his neck, delicately brushing the fabric and a fraction of his skin in a way that nearly makes him shiver. It’s a long moment of quietus, a finishing stroke to a day that could have gone very differently.

It is also the longest kiss they’ve shared yet, and it is over far too soon.

He’s pulling away to look at her, letting his hand drop away, when she wraps her arms tenderly around him.

He can hardly breathe, taken off guard by the absolute sensation of comfort he’s enveloped in.

She doesn’t say a thing; just hugs him tight, her fingertips spreading across his back and face pressed to his sternum. Berry invades his olfactory senses.

Slowly he lifts his arm to carefully return the hug, swallowing a tender sort of truth, a kind that goes down easy, the evidence and action of her affection. He can feel Sakura’s heartbeat against his chest, a tempo teeming with life.

They stand there together in her entryway for a long time.

XXX

He sleeps wrapped in a clean comforter, and though it’s not for very long, it is dreamless.

He’s eating leftover onigiri when he receives a mission summons, barely past seven in the morning. He finishes his meal and pops a cough drop in his mouth before departing for the Hokage’s office.

It’s a nice day, he thinks as he walks, coming to a decision as he admires vernal greenery lining the streets. The sun is just lifting over the horizon, painting everything pale amber.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi greets as he walks in; he’s the first one there again, apparently. “Good morning.”

“Kakashi.”

Their old sensei smiles at him in the strange all-seeing manner he has. Sasuke notes the presence of a new picture frame present on his desk, replacing the one he’s given him.

He is extremely grateful to have that picture to grip onto in his darker moments. Sasuke considers thanking him then, for Iron, but then Naruto is barreling in noisily.

“Whaizzit?” He yawns raucously, as if he just woke up, sleep still clinging to the corners of his eyes. They are multi-faceted, too, even in their barely aware state, and Sasuke inwardly breathes a sigh of relief, normalcy shifting fully back into place as the door clicks behind his teammate.

Then Naruto registers that Sasuke is present. “Eh? Teme?!” Cerulean scans the room as if he’s searching for something, then he frowns, directing a lengthy glare Kakashi’s way.

“If you've called me here at seven in the fucking morning for anything that isn’t a Team Seven reunion mission, I’m going to lose it.”

Ah. He was looking for Sakura.

“Afraid not,” Kakashi answers cryptically from his desk, and Naruto’s sleepy glare tightens. Then the Hokage smiles, as if something is incredibly amusing. "Guard duty. Kotetsu and Izumo deserve a break. Things are slow this week, and we have the extra numbers.”

The copy ninja skillfully dodges Naruto’s sandal as it flies towards him. “You’ve got to be kidding. You woke me up for this? You could have told me later in the day or something!!”

“Future Hokages don’t receive special treatment, and it’s professional to give more than twenty-four hours notice if possible.”

Naruto grumbles. "All week?"

Kakashi grins. "Tuesday through Friday."

Inwardly, Sasuke twitches.

"I should specify; nine to six, Tuesday through Friday."

Outwardly, Sasuke twitches.

It's not exactly her work schedule for all four days, but it lines up closely enough that it's fairly obvious what Kakashi’s doing.

Naruto barely reacts; just snorts in a way that is caustic, as if he finds the times unsurprising. "Cool. Can I go back to sleep until it’s time to kick teme’s ass now? Hinata-chan and I were cozy."

Sasuke rolls his eyes; when they spar in the mornings, it’s typically between eight and nine. He’ll have around an hour's extra sleep at best, though he supposes he’s not in any position to judge at this point, given his nap on Sakura’s couch yesterday.

Kakashi’s smile widens, mask wrinkling. "Sure. Dismissed."

They both watch on in faint amusement as Naruto stumbles sleepily out of his office, neglecting to collect his missing shoe.

“...Some things never change,” the Hokage murmurs, sighing.

“...No, they don’t.”

“Well, anyways, before you go…” Kakashi turns to him, tapping the pen at his desk absentmindedly. “How are things?”

Sasuke blinks, recalling leftovers and a new cutting board and the feeling of Sakura’s arms around him.

And kissing. Mostly kissing. Probably too much, if his neck’s sudden warmth is anything to go by.

“Good.”

A lone visible eye crinkles at the corners. “Great. Don’t hesitate to let any of us know if you need anything.”

He lets the words hang in the air for an extended few seconds before nodding slowly.

"I was thinking…” Kakashi continues, gaze flicking down to the photograph on his desk. “...Perhaps we could make Team Seven dinners a monthly thing. It would be good, don’t you think?"

“...Yeah.”

A dark eye locks on him again. "Sai could come, too."

Ah.

"...Sure." He really should make an effort to get to know him better. His replacement seems nice enough, peculiar as he is.

"Wonderful. Let's plan on the first Saturday of every month at six, shall we? If we're all in the village, that is. I’ll let him know when I call him in later this morning."

“Okay.”

A long moment passes, then Kakashi is procuring the shoe from the area behind his desk. Sasuke notes that he holds it as far away from him as his arm will allow.

“...I don’t suppose you’d return this, when you see him later?”

Sasuke says nothing.

“...Though I suppose I could assign it as a mission to some Genin.” Then he's sighing, setting it on the farthest edge of Naruto’s work area. “Too bad I just gave an assignment to my last two.”

Shooting him a withering look, Sasuke departs the Hokage’s Office. He gets the distinct feeling as he goes that Kakashi is incredibly pleased with himself, solidified by what he calls after him.

“Tell Sakura I say hi.”

Guard duty is easy in theory, but spending thirty six hours with the dobe may be… a challenge. He supposes if the reward is being able to see Sakura after she works most of those days, he'll take it. He's sure Kakashi won't keep him in the village forever; eventually duty will call him away for extended periods of time.

It solidifies his decision; he should take the opportunity of being here to plant something.

He stops by the market vendor on the northern end to buy two packages of lily bulbs on his way home. The market is fairly slow, so there are few other people around.

The packages feel good in his hand, lighter than he expected.

Sasuke works through a section of one of his other books before Naruto shows up on his doorstep, still appearing for all intents and purposes half asleep. Their spar ends in another draw; luckily there are no cracked bones this time.

He eats more leftovers for lunch after, appreciating the taste.

XXX

Sasuke feels at home in Sakura’s kitchen, cutting scallions easily while she broils beef and prepares the egg mixture for gyudon just a few steps away. The meal comes together quickly between the two of them, savory with a sauce that is heavier on the mirin and sake than the sugar.

Food they prepare together somehow tastes even better. It’s late when they finally sit down to eat dinner, gazing out through glass at the streets below as they take their first bites.

The sauce is perfect; not too sweet.

“...I have guard duty this week,” he mentions after a while.

“With who?” She asks, though her lips twitch upwards.

He rolls his eyes. “...Guess.”

She bites her lip, and he tears his gaze away from her mouth and up to her eyes. The green is filled with mirth, twinkling with illuminated flecks.

“Good luck,” she says sincerely. “What times?”

He glances away, ears warming and wondering if Kakashi has mentioned anything to her about them being… together.

“Tomorrow through Friday, nine to six.”

There is a long pause. When he peeks back at her, she’s blushing.

“...Kakashi-sensei is nosy.” Sakura takes another bite of her food, looking shy for some reason, and suddenly Sasuke is certain that their sensei has said something to her, perhaps on multiple occasions. He wonders what.

“...He is.” He thinks, then adds as an afterthought, “...He says hi.”

They do the dishes together and play two rounds of chess. Sakura wins once, and the second round is another stalemate, though he suspects he was close to beating her.

It’s close to nine by the time they’re putting the board away. As he works on packing up the last of the pieces to store in their allocated compartment, he notices she’s gazing out the window, scanning the sky as if distracted.

The way she’s angled puts the freckle on her cheek in plain view, pale hair loosely tucked behind her ear.

Then she turns to him, pink flooding her complexion, and Sasuke realizes he’s been staring, the remaining few pieces still clutched in his hand, frozen in midair in his distraction. He hastily finishes putting them away as his own face warms. Sakura rises from the table to put the box away, footsteps echoing softly through her living space.

He looks outside quizzically for a moment, embarrassedly trying to will the color away from his face and wondering what she was looking at. It’s a clear evening, calm without a cloud in sight.

"I was wondering if…"

His vision snaps to her expectantly across the room, and her cheeks flush darker; he can see it even though it’s dimly lit, shifting from one foot to the other. She seems nervous.

"If you would maybe want to… go stargazing for a bit tonight?"

His pulse quickens, pushing at the seams of chambers and ventricles in a way that makes it feel like the vines have twisted their way in, taking hold of whatever they can clutch.

She apparently does still like that sort of thing.

And she wants to go with him.

He nods immediately, struck speechless with elation before he manages to form the question, "...Where?"

Her expression is one of relief. "I was thinking just outside the village. There’s…” She looks away, smiles. “There’s a place Ino and I go to sometimes; we went today for a bit, after training. There are wild lilacs blooming right now.” She shifts her gaze to him again. “It's supposed to be a little cooler, but the sky’s clear. We could bring tea in a thermos; I have two."

Heat creeps up his neck as he agrees, heart stammering in his chest a little, because he’s started thinking about it now, and stargazing together is very clearly romantic in nature, amongst flowers even more so.

Sakura brews tea for the both of them as he distracts himself by slicing a lemon for hers. When he glances at her surreptitiously, she’s still blushing, and jade eyes snap away as if this time she’s the one that’s been caught staring. That makes his heart pound, to the extent that he’s glad she’s a few feet away, because it’s so loud that she might hear it.

They meander to the edge of the village as evenfall settles, into the forested area just beyond the gates. As Sasuke trails behind her, divagating through subtly flattened pathways between the trees, his thoughts wander to bygone seasons.

There once was a pond, three quarters of a mile outside of the village, beyond where the Uchiha District used to be. It wasn’t officially a part of their grounds, but it was remote enough that it wasn’t easily happened upon by anyone other than their family, off the beaten path and through thicket and thistle as it was.

Itachi used to take him fishing there.

He thinks they’d gone four or five times in all, but he remembers it well, because he had been terrible at fishing, not a shred of patience. His brother caught most of them, but he would sometimes set the hook before passing off the reel to Sasuke to help him learn. It was quiet, peaceful in the way that only the wilderness is, away from the pressures of expectations. Wildflowers poked up everywhere in the later summer months, situated on a hill towards the far side of the pond. They picked some together for their mother, once; Sasuke clutched them in his hands while they made the trek back to the village, Itachi carrying their bucket of perch and bass.

It was nice in the autumn, too, warm tones flooding everything. One could sit in the swaying overgrowth flush with falling leaves for hours taking it all in and still not see it all, an overwhelmingly pure sense of peace, made heartier by the taste of freshly grilled fish later in the evening.

The walk had seemed like it took forever back then, on short legs looking upward. He’s never returned to that place, not once, since he was eight. It would hurt too much, for different reasons now than when he was twelve.

He remembers passing wild lilacs then, too, on the way there and back. He supposes they probably thrive in the chaparral throughout Fire Country, if one cares to traipse through the foliage to look for them. He stumbled upon many on his journey, just passing through on roads less traveled.

The small clearing Sakura leads them to reminds him of the pond a little, wild and flush with fading hues, framed by fragrant lilacs in bloom as she said, but there are no memories tied to it yet, so it’s better. Huge bushes of them grow unaided here, wispy purple redolence scattered by the wind into the earth's cracks, ushered in by whispers through the trees.

The wilds are not so far from Konoha, really. Like the cherry blossom tree on the hill, it's a good reminder that some things can grow easily even on rougher terrain.

Sasuke sits rather close to her, so they can drink their tea together. The sun slips just below the horizon, a cloudless sky awash in a shifting gradient. He catches jade as he takes a drink, appreciating the taste, a small bit of warmth on a cool night.

The way she’s looking at him makes his heart rate accelerate again, a serene expression that implies there is nothing she would rather be doing right now than be here.

With him.

Eventually stars begin inking into existence overhead one by one, the last bit of sun lingering just on the horizon, a muted blur of violet bleeding into black. Things are slightly clearer here, beyond the boundaries of the village, no glass or light pollution to obscure the retinas.

Once she finishes her tea, Sakura lies down the same way she does on the hill, so he does, too, trying to calm his heart rate, because he is very close to her, just within reach. The forest breathes around them, coating everything in a lilac perfume.

He used to think about her, when he looked to the stars, feeling worlds away and wondering if she thought of him that day. Being next to her is better, revered, the calm din of an evening he has craved for a long time.

When he turns to steal a look, her eyes are already on him, and there is something about that moment, as the last light fades, being here with her, that makes his chest go aflame.

And then Sakura turns slightly, reaching out towards him with her right hand, and he blinks.

She sweeps his hair away from his Rinnegan eye, a thumb gently skimming his cheek as he has hers, before her hand falls away. Though they are cloaked in the gloaming of dusk’s darkness, enough he hopes to hide the warmth that has crept into his face, there is adequate light left to see her expression, so tender, jade eyes desaturated to dark sage.

He feels seen in a way that he hasn’t felt before, recalling soft words in an exam room.

Not me.

The sky is fully lit in short order, beautiful and dark with only a tiny sliver of the moon visible. It is truly lovely, Ursa Major, Leo, and Hydra scattered before them like a painting a million years old, ageless messengers traveling from who knows where, as he did. It took many steps to get here to her, scattered revolutions passing wide arcs around the sun, yearning for a day to close the gap, to feel like he was close to ready.

It was worth every single one.

A question is on the tip of his tongue, so he decides to ask it, to give in to the impulse.

“...Any poems?” He wants to learn the words she likes, what kinds of meaning she applies to things, intelligent as she is. Sasuke imagines the inner workings of Sakura’s mind to be quite complex, teeming with all of the things she’s read, research and fiction and nonfiction. He would like to know her favorite pieces of poetry, what she holds dear in her own heart.

She shifts slightly; he thinks she must be looking at him for a split second.

There is a lengthy silence punctuated by crickets before she finally answers, “A short one,” voice hushed like the breeze around them; if he wasn’t so close to her, he wouldn’t be able to hear.

He shifts his gaze to her on his right, barely able to make out her silhouette in the dark.

“Take notice of what light does - to everything.”

The words sink into him like rain on freshly tilled soil, triggering a bricolage of recollections. Instantly he is reminded of light through the window of his bathroom, stirring him from a pit of self doubt and guilt. Then light through the windows of Sakura’s apartment, cooking and doing the dishes together in her kitchen. A nap, comfortable on her couch as day fades into dusk, lamps switched off for a period of much needed rest. Flowers, grown by a doorstep with the sun’s rays seeping in through diamond patterning. The shadow of a jasmine plant, inked onto her cheekbone, and neon lights reflectant atop pale pink hair.

The intricate stitching of an uchiwa fan, thread catching iridescence as she holds it daintily in her hands as if it is something important, to be cherished.

Her eyes when she is happy, hints of gold flecks, catching like fractals of color atop shifting seafoam.

The way white nerine lilies looked drenched in sunlight, on days that are decidedly not summer monsoons.

Stars are a form of light, too, and despite being far away, they are refulgent in their luminosity, a beauty that cuts through murk and offers much for contemplation; the gaps of darkness between them are what allows people to make meaning out of them, constellations strewn together.

He is home, surrounded by spring. It is something to behold.

“...Did you write letters to Naruto?” Sakura asks after a lengthy period of reflection, so softly that her voice is almost a whisper.

The concept is so ridiculous to him that he would snort, if not for the moment they are sharing right now and the way she asked it, no hint of a joke in her tone.

So he answers seriously, just as quietly. “No.”

There is a long pause.

“...And Kakashi-sensei?”

Ah. He understands what she’s really asking. “...Other than missions, no.”

It’s hard to tell, but he thinks he sees her fingers grip in the grass next to her, gently as if in reflex.

Sasuke tries very hard to swallow his doubts.

When they were on missions as Genin, she used to lay sprawled out like this, hands spread next to her. So did Naruto. It bothered him then, because he liked his folded together on his stomach and he was very particular about personal space, which they both invaded.

Sasuke doesn’t have another hand to fold his with anymore, though, and he’s less concerned about personal space with her than he used to be. The darkness helps bolster his confidence, too, nyctophile that he is; she won’t see the heat that’s spreading to his face here, lit merely by distant flickering stars.

Take notice of what light does - to everything.

The luminaries above them offer only a little of it, yet it's a transfixing sight, something of the epochal and the divine present that he has been drawn to for years.

So he reaches out to skim her hand with his, a tentative sort of constellation in itself, recorded in points of contact and palm prints on the skin rather than etched in alembic light in the sky.

There are soft fingertips, a knuckle gently gliding by. Then she’s interlacing her fingers with his, and suddenly it’s not tentative at all. It’s leal, steady, her small hand in his as if it has always belonged there, the scent of flourishing blooms wafting around them and painting everything in his head lilac starlight.

Her thumb brushes his skin once, twice, thrice, achingly gentle.

He should have reached out sooner, but he supposes they’re young, still. There is a lot of time ahead of them. The stars will align eventually, slow in their revolutions around common centers of mass as he is in letting people in. She accepted his apology for being late already, fine fingertips clutching an uchiwa fan with a touch just as gentle as now.

If he can only hold her hand in the dark, maybe that’s enough for now, a single star he can reach. He hopes he'll reach the others eventually.

Hours pass with her hand in his, and he is a small bit closer in revolution by the time he walks her home.

Lilac and raspberry and starlight coalesce against his lips when they collide with hers, an allegorical perfume he could easily get drunk on. He skims the freckle again, tenderly osculant, and realizes that is the start of a constellation, too, a novitious star burning brighter every time he reaches out. Kissing makes three.

Her hands around his neck make four. This time he does shiver, but he doesn’t pull away.

Sakura’s lips are so soft.

XXX

He plants the lily bulbs shortly after they say good night, under the cover of the caliginous dark that shepherds in the dew of the morning, tiny drops of moisture beginning to collect on nearby blades of grass. The stars are still out, bright enough to be beautiful but dim enough so that he can’t read the names.

Sakura would help him if he asked, he knows, but he doesn’t think he’s quite ready for that yet. He settles for trying to make his touch as gentle yet sure as hers, an elegy of calloused fingers digging carefully through the dirt, grasping and placing lily bulbs one by one. There are four bulbs in total, so he plants two on each side, nine inches apart, allowing them to poke up through the soil slightly and frame the stone; he reread the instructions when he stopped by his apartment earlier. It’s a different brand of corrosion, manually digging up layers of dirt rather than hoping they slough off, but it’s progress, and it doesn't require digging too deep.

There has to be something beneath the layers of sediment, he thinks, to feel the way he does about her. He hopes that what he feels is enough, that his slow revolutions will be worthwhile for her, in the end.

I’m sure it will be lovely, when everything finally comes together.

Being in Konoha is not easy, after everything, but being with Sakura is.

When he’s lying in his own bed a short time later, he recalls the love in her fingertips against his. It lulls him to sleep.

[candyopala]

Stuck in his ways, Chapter 6

Chapter summary:  Obito follows Kakashi’s advice and tries to find out more about Y/N. When things don’t go his way, he finds himself lost and on Y/N’s house in the middle of the night.

Words: 2.3k

AO3

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It’s almost time for work and Obito hasn’t slept yet. Despite the weird act, Kakashi gave some actually useful advice to him. He said that he manages to get team seven to work harder by playing with their goals, using their objectives as something to incentivize them through a tough mission or a hard exercise. Especially with Naruto, who can get a little lazy sometimes, bringing up his objective to be Hokage as his father seems to always work like a charm.

The thing is: Obito knows virtually nothing about Y/N. Besides what he has on her personal file, he knows nothing about her personal life and objectives. He spent too much time acting like an asshole to the girl instead of trying to get to know her. He keeps on going through her files maniacally while his mind gets lost in thought.

Don’t get him wrong, Obito hasn’t put any effort to meet new people since his accident. In addition to his insecurities with his appearance, his social skills get worse by the day. Okay, Kakashi does make him go in blind dates from time to time, but those always end up in failure, since he refuses to actually give any girl a chance. He tends to get lost in his thoughts while they talk and he usually ends up straight up ignoring them, which would make anyone reasonably mad.

His face still hurts when he remembers about that time that Yamanaka lady slapped him right on the face after he yawned while she talked. Or that time Kakashi ended up going home with both girls and he had to help take Gai into the hospital, after the fool hurt himself in a bet with their friend. Not to mention that time Kakashi tried to hook him up with a lady fifty years his senior. He would have been actually okay with it if she had not called him “grandson” twice. Obito shivers at the thought. Truth is, Obito actually has not given a chance to himself since the accident and Rin’s passing. Obito shakes his head to make the thought go away once his mind mentions his former teammate’s name.

Give me a break for once brain, right?

He finally gives up on the files and goes to lay in his bed, only to be instantly scared by the alarm clock, letting him know he should be waking up. He goes through with his morning routine on autopilot, putting on the jonin vest and heading out to meet Y/N on the training field. For the first time in ages, he arrives on time. He was so into his head that he did not get distracted on the way. He needs to learn more about Y/N today, one way or the other, so that he can get this whole deal to end soon.

Y/N arrives shortly after, looking sleepy and grumpy.

“You’re on time; did you die and get replaced for someone responsible?”

“Ha, funny. Why the grumpy look?”

“I had a little trouble sleeping tonight”

Come on Obito, what’s the best way of trying to connect to someone and to learn about them? Right, through empathy, being relatable!

“Ugh, me too, totally. What’s on your mind?”

“Lunch and dinner. Come on, let’s start.”

“Ouch”

Fuck, alright, this is bound to be tough.

Obito starts today’s training with some blade technique. Y/N is admittedly really good with hers, but she could use some refinement if she is going to be a shinobi now. He corrects her stance first, also focusing on not letting her leave her defense open.

“Raise your arm like this” He shows to her the things he learned from his family during his childhood.

Their treatment of him at that time was… harsh. Being a direct descendant of Madara made everyone treat him like a potential fuckup, and his abilities before the accident corroborated that. They only opened up more to him and begun to treat him with respect after he became one of Konoha’s finest jonins and one of the few ones to awaken the mangekyo in the whole family. Remembering this makes Obito feel a little cramped on the inside, making him want to go back to his current objective with Y/N.

“Right”

“So… when did you learn to use your sword?”

“On the road”

“And?”

“And I think it’s cool”

“Nice… I guess…”

Fuck fuck fuck.

They both go on for the rest of the morning with Obito not being able to make any progress. His difficulty with social situations is making an already hard situation get even tougher. Y/N refuses to respond to any prodding, only talking back to crack jokes at his expense and to cut him off.

“Want to go get some barbecue for lunch?” He asks hoping for her to accept, as a last desperate attempt to approach her somehow.

“Can’t do Uchiha, I have a reunion with the Hokage, later”

She leaves him in the field alone, a sense of hopelessness eating him up by the second. Then comes the explosive frustration of not getting what he wants. He just needs to make this end quicker; he needs to go back to relevant missions to make his objectives come true. He cannot be left behind, he has to make his promise to her come true, he needs to change it all and he can only do that by becoming the next Hokage.

Tears prickle up at his eye, hurting his heart more than his pride. He gets angry at this completely ridiculous situation he put himself in, he had lost focus lately, he got lazy. He had lost the fire that once burned inside him, only leaving him a pile of sadness and old regrets.

It all explodes within him, driving him to start training in a maniacal way, trying to create something new with kamui and kunais at all costs. He has been trying to develop a new jutsu for a while, but he always ends up stumped. The thought of failure is the last straw, he starts to attack the training posts with all he has, not noticing the pain consuming his arms as the hundreds of knifes coming out of his other dimension go through them in a whirlpool of time and space.

It’s the middle of the night when his body achieves its limit, he spent the whole day training and rampaging on the field. Obito falls down on the dirt face first as exhaustion and blood loss finally hits him. Still filled with adrenaline, his last thought is to head to Y/N’s house to get that information, one way or the other.

 ~”~

 A rushed couple of knocks wake Y/N from her slumber. Confused, she looks around the small apartment in search of the noise’s origin. She hears them again, coming from her front door. She looks over to the clock on the kitchenette; it shows that it is around two in the morning. She knows virtually no one in the village still, who could it be?

She grabs her trusty sword at the entrance area and heads to the door, expecting it to be some scammer or maniac. Without turning the lights on, she opens it only to find a tall figure, with broad shoulders and that forlorn look on his face… Obito.

What is he even doing here?

Upon further inspection, she notices that his figure seems a little bit off, worn out even. She finally turns on the lights, only to be met with a grizzly sight: he is covered in dirt and his arms are all bloodied, his shoulders are slumped and his signature messy hair is even unrulier. This image brings her an awful distant memory.

“Want to go for that barbecue?”

“Obito, what happened?”

“Don’t worry about it; we can talk it out on the way” The man speaks in a catatonic way, fully running on his impulses and on the verge of exhaustion.

Those unwanted memories rush back into her mind: a bloodied hand touching her face delicately, a catatonic smile, foggy eyes, a goodbye that came too soon. Her head rushes with rage, rage at her own mind for reminding her of that, anger at him for leaving so soon, anger at Obito for doing whatever he did to do this to himself.

Before she can even think, she pushes the man into her house with force, guiding his almost limp body to her tight bathroom, sitting him on the rim of her bathtub. He does not respond, his eye is directed at nothing, he just lets out a small wave of breath when he sits down. She grabs her first aid kit from under the sink, kneeling down to face him as best as she can in the small space.

“What happened?”

“…”

“Obito!”

She snaps her fingers in front of his face, taking him out of his trance. He gets startled, as if he had just woken up from a nightmare.

“Sorry, I’ll be going, okay?”

He tried to get up again, only to be swatted by Y/N and forced to sit back down on the tub.

“We have to tend to your wounds; you look like you lost a lot of blood already. It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me what happened, but I’m not letting you go like this”

“I’ll just go to the hospital”

“The hospital is on the other side of the village, dumbass”

He flinches and tries weakly to tear his arm away from her grasp, once her hand touches an exposed bit of his bicep. Y/N does her best to rip away the ripped fabric that covers the wounds, trying not to pull the parts that are stuck together with the cuts. She rips his sleeves away, exposing a mass of cuts in all directions all over the length of his arm.

Y/N bites her lips at the sight, her brain working against her again. Tears threaten to well up on her eyes, so she tries to make go away as best as she can.

They stay silent as she cleans his wounds, still having to hold him in place from time to time. He manages to be stubborn even in times like this, incredible. Once she finishes up bandaging him up, she just sits by his side on the tub.

“Obito…”

“Thank you”

“Is there something going on?”

“A lot”

“… I get it”

They cross looks quickly, Y/N immediately cutting the contact away as soon as it happens.

“I promise I won’t ask anything else… just… did you do this intentionally?”

“No”

“Alright”

A couple of extra minutes passes, only the sound of their breaths filling in the room. Obito looks up again and faces Y/N’s direction. She looks back at him, completely lost in all that is happening. First, he seems to loathe her, treat her like a chore, and now he appears at her door in the middle of the night like this…

Obito opens a small smile in her direction, a genuine one. It’s the first time she sees wrinkles around his eye sockets. He still has that sad look deep down, but he seems to be trying to honestly lighten the mood and say that everything is okay. Y/N lets out a little bit of her tension go away, letting her shoulders relax a little bit more, but not completely.

“Did some granny stab you Obito?”

“Yup, they stole all my money and dignity also”

“Maybe I’m the one who’s babysitting someone huh? Seems like I’ll have to be around to look for you”

Cracking jokes is Y/N’s way of trying to lighten the mood, but it does not seem to work. Obito suddenly gets that really sad look back up on his eye again, looking back down. Y/N can just make out a single tear rolling out of his right eye.

Did I say something wrong?

“Obi-“

He interrupts her by starting to break down, crying loudly and closing his fists with force on his thighs. Y/N instinctively grabs his hand and forces it open, holding his hand with her own with some degree of strength, to try to calm him down. She feels the heavy texture of his palm on hers, a sign of closeness she missed a lot for the past couple of years, something she refused to admit she… longed for. She comforts him like this for the next couple of minutes until his cries diminish to some uneven breathing.

“Thank you, Y/N. I guess having you around… is… uhm… forget it”

Despite the weirdness of his words, she eventually convinces him to go to the hospital to get his wounds healed, letting his warm hand go and realizing she might have done something wrong. She accompanies him to the door, thoughts flooding her mind while they both must up the courage to say something.

You should not be getting this close; you know what happens when you do that. Why did you do that?

“Promise me you go straight to the hospital?”

“Sure…”

“Obito…”

“What, Y/N?

Despite all that, she feels the urge to give him a hug. She is conflicted, she feels that he needs it badly, but she also feels like getting this close is far too dangerous. She should not be opening up like this to someone she barely knows, to someone that might not even like her as person. There is something that drives her to him, something she does not understand. He seems hurt, he seems like he needs a friend, someone by his side.

No, shut up. I didn’t come here for this, I can’t live all that again.

All she can muster up is a weak goodbye before rushing back in.

What the hell even was all of this?

[cyhyr]

KakaIru Maze 2021: Decoding Ancient Lost Languages

Fandom: Naruto

Rating: T

WC: ~4540

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Additional Tags: Mysterious Injuries, Old Gods, Sacrifice, Poisoning, Curses, Hospitalization, Hopeful Ending, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Procedures, Hair Loss

A/N: *~*Throws Confetti*~* I. DON'T. KNOW. WHAT. I'M. DOING.

I did the barest amount of research for this fic. *~*More Confetti*~*

Read on The Archive

~

Normally, Iruka would balk at the idea that he should be carried through the front gates after a mission, no matter how gruelling. He has an image to uphold, and what if one of his students were to see him broken and weak after one of his missions? He’d either never hear the end of their worry or, worse, lose their respect as a strong shinobi capable of teaching them.

So no, this situation is far from normal.

He holds on tight around Kotetsu’s shoulders and buries his face in his teammate’s hair. His back is on fire, carved wounds shifting and worsening with each step. Some kind of curse-seal, or a time-released jutsu; whatever happened, Izumo couldn’t use the mystical palm jutsu to heal it, not without causing further excruciating pain and making the wounds ooze and seem to cut themselves deeper into Iruka’s back.

They had cut their losses and abandoned the mission. Iruka’s fūinjutsu was vital to its success anyway, and he was—is—in constant agony.

Thankfully, they enter the village just after nightfall. Iruka can feel a bit relieved over that—most of his current students are home and inside at this time, so the chances of being seen by any of them are slim. He bites his lip to stifle a cry as Kotetsu pushes off a rooftop a bit harder than usual and it shifts him too much.

They’re halfway to the hospital when the ANBU team flank him and Kotetsu, escorting them the rest of the way. One of them, Cat, runs close enough to talk.

“Report.”

Iruka can’t. Kotetsu responds, “An injury that responds poorly to normal medical field ninjutsu.”

“Is he awake?”

Iruka nods, knowing Cat will see.

“Iruka-sensei, can you speak?”

He shakes his head.

Kotetsu says, “He’s been in too much pain to do much more than nod or shake his head.”

“Rokudaime-sama wants you and your other teammate to report directly to him once Iruka-sensei is admitted to the hospital.”

Kotetsu fumbles another step. Iruka grits his teeth and groans, holding back a scream. “Sorry, Ru,” he mumbles. To Cat he says, “Of course, ANBU-san. Izumo’s checking us in at the gate. I’ll collect him and report, once I drop Iruka off.”

Iruka doesn’t remember being admitted. He does remember Sakura’s startled cry as he’s placed face-down on a gurney and his wounds are finally able to be seen in harsh fluorescent lighting for the first time. Gods, he’s tired of being face-down in hospital beds.

Will something, anything, have the wherewithal to fucking strike him in the chest for once, please?

He passes out.

~

A hand is holding his own gently as he wakes, extremely disoriented and floaty on painkillers. He blinks his eyes open and turns his gaze to the man beside him. Iruka smiles faintly. “K’shi,” he slurs. Oh, they have him on the good drugs.

“You are never leaving the village again,” Kakashi whispers harshly. He bows his head and kisses Iruka’s hand in his own and continues, “Hokage’s orders.”

“I‘ll go rogue,” Iruka mutters, closing his eyes. “What’s in my IV?”

“From what Sakura tells me? Everything.”

“That explains.” Iruka stops, trying to think of the rest of his sentence, but a fresh flood of painkillers just flowed into his arm and he hums instead.

“I heard from Kotetsu and Izumo what happened,” Kakashi continues. “Are you able yet to talk about it as well?”

“Nope.” Iruka nuzzles into his pillow. He’s feeling really floaty and he’d like to go back to sleep.

Kakashi chuckles. Iruka receives a kiss to his hair and a tighter grip on his hand. “Sleep, then, my love. I’ll see if Sakura can get you on something less strong, enough that we can talk soon.”

“‘Kay. Love you.”

He falls back asleep.

~

When he wakes the second time, there’s a different kind of energy in the room—a different sort of love in the air, and Iruka knows it sounds crazy but he can just tell, even with his eyes still closed, when he’s around Kakashi or if he’s around Naruto.

Now, it’s Naruto.

Also, he can feel the carving in his back, so whatever they’d had him on before they’d lowered the dosage or put him on something else entirely.

“Hey, Naruto,” Iruka says, opening his eyes.

In the chair beside his head, the blond bundle sits, knee twitching. With his bandaged arm crossed over his other and his head bowed in thought, he almost looks like the adult he’s so close to being, instead of the teenager he still is. They argue good-naturedly about it all the time; Naruto insists that he’s an adult, but at eighteen, he’s still technically a teenager and Iruka reminds him of it as much as he can.

“Iru-nii! How are you feeling?”

“Like someone took a carving knife to my back,” Iruka scoffs. “Also, strangely drained.”

Naruto nods. “Sakura-chan said that the new pain medicine has the side-effect of making it feel like you’re chakra-exhausted. But,” he frowns, “she also said that the dose should be strong enough that you wouldn’t be in too much pain when you wake up.”

“It’s bearable, Naruto. You…” He sighs, “You didn’t see me when I came in, did you?”

He shakes his head. “I was out with Kiba and Shikamaru. Kakashi-sensei told me about you this morning, when we got back. You’ve been drifting in and out for, like, three days!”

Iruka buries his face in his pillow and groans. There goes his hope that the carvings won’t scar.

“He says he’ll be by later,” Naruto adds. He shivers comically. “I still don’t see why you’d pick him of all people, Iru-nii.”

Iruka smiles. “You have a different experience with him as his student.” The smile fades and he asks, “Has there been any progress made on fixing my back?”

Naruto sobers. “See, that’s the thing. Every time Sakura tries to get close with some kind of medical ninjutsu—or even with normal healing balms and stitches—the cuts react violently. Like there’s some bad chakra embedded inside them.”

“Has anyone had a Hyūga come and look at it?” Iruka muses. “If there’s chakra in the cuts, then a Hyūga would see it with the Byakugan.”

Naruto jumps up. “You’re a genius! I’ll go and check with Sakura-chan!”

Iruka watches him leave and sighs fondly. Kakashi did well with him, he thinks, and then closes his eyes and drifts.

~

At least he’s able to move around on his own now. Iruka washes his hands in the bathroom and then braces his palms on the sink. It’s been almost a week, and no one is any closer to figuring out how to fix his back.

Having a Hyūga look at the wounds didn’t help. It nearly blinded Hinata. Iruka still feels horribly guilty about it, but she can still see and activate her Byakugan, so he’s been told multiple times to let it go.

What she had seen made everyone uneasy though. A slimy discharge of chakra oozing from the wounds, bright and powerful enough that Hinata had to close her eyes against it.

Sakura has a small team of medi-nins on his case, researching at all hours. Two days, and they still haven’t found anything.

Iruka’s frustrated.

Kakashi visits every night and Naruto most mornings. It’s nice, but he’d rather be back in class with his kids.

He had to get a blood transfusion last night. His back hasn’t stopped bleeding, and the blood loss finally caught up to him.

Iruka turns his back to the mirror, takes off his shirt gingerly, and looks over his shoulder at the carvings. He frowns—it looks odd. This is the first time he’s gotten to see the wounds, and he can’t imagine no one's noticed…

He leaves the bathroom and hunts around in the stack of drawers by his bed. “Ha!” He finds a pad of paper and a pencil, and heads back into the bathroom.

It’s difficult, transcribing the still bleeding wounds onto paper through a mirror while looking over his shoulder. It’s even harder once the dose of painkillers he’s on fully metabolizes and he’s not yet done. Twisting his upper back, stretching and sitting on the edge of the sink so he can see his lower back—it aches.

A voice comes from the other side of the door, along with a soft knock. “Iruka-sensei? Is everything alright?”

Sakura.

He places the pad and pencil on the counter and slides the door open. “Sakura, has no one realized that the wounds are words?” he asks.

She looks startled. “Huh?”

“Could you please clean them for me again, and check that I’ve transcribed it correctly?” Iruka reaches back inside the bathroom and gives the pad of paper to Sakura. “I’m sure Rokudaime-sama will be interested in this.”

Sakura finally catches up. “Yes! Um, let me get you another dose of painkillers, and a flush kit. If you could sit back down, Sensei? I’ll be right back!”

Iruka just about collapses onto the mattress, leaning his elbows on his knees. Finally, some answers are on the horizon.

~

“It’s no language the cipher corps recognize, nor is it a code in our archives.” Kakashi has his arms crossed and a shoulder leaning against the window. “But they do agree with your assessment—it’s definitely a message of some kind.”

Iruka sighs, picking at the hospital food. “Validation is nice, but I was hoping for an end to this pain.”

“I know, love. Me too.”

“When can we expect word back from Sasuke?”

“If it is Otsutsuki, Sasuke should arrive as soon as possible, per my order. If not, he likely will only return a messenger hawk with the information.” Kakashi leaves the window and comes to sit on the mattress beside Iruka. “We’re going to figure this out.”

Iruka hums and leans against his partner, resting his head against Kakashi’s collarbone. It’s not comfortable, but it is comforting. “I miss sleeping with you,” he whispers.

Kakashi kisses the top of his head. “I miss you too, love. The house is too quiet without you.”

~

Iruka stares at the encoded characters transcribed from his back. He’s… discomfited. He’s been staring at the words for almost a half-hour, trying to make sense of it.

It doesn’t change.

Iruka knows this language.

Not… not well enough to read it outright, but enough that with the characters cleaned up and a fresh copy in his hands, one that was written down while the scribe (himself) wasn’t in immense pain, he recognizes it.

“Iru-nii!” Naruto steps in for his morning visit. “How’d you sleep?”

“As best as can be expected,” Iruka mutters. “Naruto, can you do me a favor?”

“Hmm? Sure!”

Thank the gods he still has his moments of dull-headedness. “In the office at home, I have a scroll with the Uzumaki clan seal on it. It’s the only one, middle shelf. I need you to get that scroll for me please.”

“Nii-chan, why do you have an Uzumaki scroll?”

Iruka sighs. “Go get the scroll, and I’ll explain when you get back, okay?”

Naruto leaves through the open window, his footing unsteady. But he leaves and that means that Iruka can breathe and take the time to think of a way to tell him, when he gets back, about how he found out that they are actually distantly related.

Actually, no—how is he supposed to—shit. Iruka drags a hand down his face.

Hey Naruto, oh this old scroll? Found it in the archives after Tsunade-sama left office! It was in a box marked with my parents’ names on it. Yeah, turns out that my father was a refugee from Uzushio, just like your mother! Oh, and funnily enough, Umino is also a branch family of the Uzumaki!

That’s… not going to go over well, is it.

~

Break a thing for fragments. Break the fragments for dust. Break the dust, and break what remains. Here is fire.

To forge a sword, to fight, to curse your enemies on the eve of battle. This is the story of blood and its exits.

A word that sanctifies the change that comes when the seared skin peels. Words spoken in ritual to inspire an unmerciful Change. To speak them aloud is to hear the sword hiss.

All these things share certain patterns.

“Mercy,” saith the Altar, “is found only in shadow.”

“Mercy,” saith the Altar, “is found only in shadow.”

“Mercy,” saith the Altar, “is found only in shadow.”

…

Iruka wakes gasping, not realizing that he’d fallen asleep. He pats his lap for the scroll Naruto had brought him, and startles as he realizes that it’s not there. It—It had been there just, just a little while ago, hadn’t it???

“Mercy is found only in shadow,” he mutters to himself, looking around his room. “Mercy is found… There!” The scroll, the one with the Uzumaki clan seal, is rolled up and tucked neatly away on a table on the far end of the room. Iruka gathers his strength and swings his legs over the side of the bed.

He tries to stand.

And fails.

He catches himself on hands and knees, and then feels his elbows weaken and give way. His cheek hits the tile and he hisses. He tries to push up again, but can’t…

Can’t…

…

The Altar holds a spark.

Freol is the mouth, the door, the flame, the altar, and the reward.

Knife and sword shed blood for Freol; what is spilled is hers. Fires burn for Freol; what is consumed is hers.

~

“Iruka! Iruka, please, wake up!”

“The breath of Freol brings change and endings,” Iruka slurs, barely awake and compelled. He can’t stop, can’t stop, can’t speak anything other than this ancient language. “‘Mercy,’ saith the Altar, ‘is found only in shadow.’ Let those who gather near Freol be blessed and cursed. Mercy is found only in shadow. Mercy—”

“Naruto, tell me Sasuke has gotten back to us.”

“He hasn’t! And-and Kurama has no idea what Iru-nii’s saying, either!”

Kakashi shakes him, taps his cheek. “Iruka, come back, please.”

Iruka tries to say I’m sorry Kakashi but what passes his lips is a murmured, “‘Mercy,’ saith the Altar, ‘is found only in shadow.’”

~

Sakura stands in front of him solemnly. “We gave him a high enough dose of tranquilizer that he shouldn’t even dream, Kakashi-sensei. My team—”

Kakashi holds up a hand to stop her from speaking. He knows he doesn’t look good, knows he hasn’t been home in over forty-eight hours, but he can’t… he can’t stop. Iruka… “What about the scroll that was in his room?”

“Naruto said Iruka-sensei had him collect it from his home office,” Sakura says. “But no one can read it. We have been able to determine that it’s in the same language as the carvings he transcribed from his back, though.”

Kakashi looks up. “The cavern he and his team had been in—where were they?”

Sakura turns to the map hanging up in his office, and points, “East of here, near a village on the coast. Naruto mentioned—”

“The scroll is from Uzushio,” Kakashi muses, “and it has an Uzumaki clan seal on it. I’ll bet we’ll find more information about all this in the ruins of Uzushio.”

Sakura nods. “But Kakashi-sensei, you can’t—”

“I know.” He sighs. “Take Naruto and go. Find out what’s causing this. Find out how to fix it.”

She nods again and turns to leave.

“Sakura,” he calls out, softer. She stops, but doesn’t turn back to face him. That’s good; he might not be able to say this to her face. “This part comes not from your Hokage, but from me, personally. Please. He’s… Iruka’s everything. Please, find something.”

She gives him a thumbs-up over her shoulder, and says, “We won’t let you down, sensei.”

~

Kakashi watches from the windows as the nurses check Iruka’s vitals and change out his fluids. She bows to him when she’s done and then turns to leave; Kakashi holds up a palm and says, “Wait.”

“Hokage-sama?”

“How… How is he?”

She smiles softly, gently. “We’re taking good care of him, sir.”

“That’s all Sakura told you to tell me, isn’t it?”

“Yes, Hokage-sama.”

He sighs. “Thank you. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Her smile turns just the tiniest bit mischievous. “A higher budget for the hospital in the next fiscal quarter wouldn’t be remiss, Hokage-sama.”

He waves her away, “I’ll see what I can do,” he says with as much humor as he can muster. She leaves, and he goes to sit in his chair by Iruka’s side.

They had to intubate him today. Kakashi couldn’t get away from the desk long enough to be here for him; not that it mattered, because they were keeping him sedated even before shoving a tube down his throat. But it matters to Kakashi because he can’t…

He can’t do anything.

He’s stuck here, managing the village, while his students are out looking for answers to whatever mysterious illness his partner has fallen to. And all he’s good for is holding Iruka’s hand, and maybe going and lobbying for an increase in the hospital budget.

His hair is limp and matted from long weeks in the hospital. Kakashi runs his fingers through the ends of brunet strands and hopes that, when Iruka wakes up, he’ll let Kakashi wash his hair.

“Please get better,” Kakashi murmurs into the clasp of their hands. “I need you. Please.”

~

“Sakura-chan.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m getting real sick of goddesses thinking they can ruin everything, y’know?”

“Yeah.”

Mercy is found only in shadow.

~

“He needs another blood transfusion.”

“Take mine,” Kakashi offers. “We have the same blood type.”

“Hokage-sama—”

“Just take the damn blood,” Kakashi snaps. “Whatever he needs, please, just. Just do it. Take it.”

The nurses bow. “Yes, sir.”

Footsteps in the hall, rapidly approaching, signal Kakashi to a messenger. He stands up and crosses to the door just as Shikamaru slides it open, panting from his run.

Shikamaru turns to the nurses and says, “He needs a bone marrow transplant.”

The nurse looks at him, startled, and says, “Whyever for?”

“Naruto sent ahead a messenger.” Shikamaru glances at Kakashi and finally catches his breath. “The one word Iruka-sensei had said, Freol? It’s the name of an ancient deity of the Land of Whirlpools, one whose purview is to change its followers. One of the ways it does this, as Sakura describes it, is through a kind of radiation poisoning.”

“But that doesn’t explain the,” Kakashi gestures vaguely, and then ends helplessly, “speaking in tongues.”

“The message said they’ll explain that part when they get home,” Shikamaru says. “Naruto and Sakura are on their way back, arrival is estimated at thirty-one hours.” He turns to the nurse. “Can we perform a transplant?”

She hums thoughtfully. “Normally, I’d say yes. But Iruka-sensei doesn’t have any close blood relatives, and if his own marrow is compromised as you say we can’t assume an autologous transplant will be effective.”

Kakashi’s heart stops. “But—”

“But,” the nurse continues, “we can start him on a treatment regimen which will increase his white blood cell count. We’ll start checking in with frequent blood tests. We can also start on a broad-spectrum heavy metals sequestration; we’ll cover Iodine, thallium, caesium, plutonium, and curium. They’re the most common.”

Kakashi motions to her, and says to Shikamaru, “She’s my favorite.”

“You shouldn’t have favorites, Kakashi-sama.”

He groans. The nurse smiles and says, “I’ll go order those tests and treatments,” and then ducks around Shikamaru and leaves.

~

Kakashi holds the scroll open on his desk, reading the translation Sakura and Naruto brought back. It’s a puzzle in its own right, but coupled with the Uzumaki scroll Iruka had kept in their office, Kakashi finds himself even more thoroughly confused.

“I understand how you came to the conclusion of radiation,” he says. “But I don’t understand how this is supposed to explain why Iruka began speaking the language. Because that is what happened, isn’t it?”

“That’s where a little bit of Iruka-sensei knowledge comes in handy,” Naruto says. He steps forward and points to a line near the bottom. “‘Many others can open the way. Few can place a seal where there was none before.’ And then I remembered this one, off-hand comment Iruka-sensei had made when we were kids. That the people from Uzushio were really good with fūinjutsu.”

“And that has to do with Iruka?”

“Kakashi-sensei,” Naruto groans, like he’s the genius and Kakashi is being deliberately stupid. “Umino is an Uzushio family! ‘Few can place a seal where there was none before’! I’ve seen him do that, just, poof, barrier seals.”

“Naruto, I know he’s from Uzushio. What does that have to do with his condition?”

“Freol,” Sakura says. “When he and the other chūnin got close to that cave. She recognized him as one of hers and marked him.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because the same thing happened to Naruto when we got close.”

Kakashi stands up, vaults over the desk and puts his hands on Naruto’s shoulders. “You’re alright?”

“Kurama beat her up and kept me safe,” Naruto nodded. “But I could hear her. She said something like, ‘the flames will consume, or change, or seal at my whim.’ She was angry.”

Kakashi sighs and drops his hands. “And even Kurama doesn’t recognize this goddess?”

“Actually, once they came into contact, he did recognize her,” Naruto says. “Freol was a protector of the Land of Whirlpools, he says, a creator of soldiers superior to ninja.”

“Superior?”

Sakura interjects, motioning back to the scrolls on his desk. “Right here, see. ‘Hers is the flame which hides in the flesh and the soul and twists both into something new.’ But also, this line, ‘What is left behind is Changed, and may Change others in turn.’”

“Kurama was able to tell us about Uzushio as it once was, back in the warring states,” Naruto continues. “That there would be those who would willingly sacrifice themselves to Freol, for the chance to Change into something more. Something different.”

“A superior soldier,” Kakashi muses. “And this Change. This is what’s happening to Iruka.”

Both of them nodded. “That’s what we think.”

“How do we stop it?”

“That’s the thing,” Sakura’s face falls. “I don’t think there’s a way to stop the process once it starts. Freol marks those she wishes to undergo the Change, and then… Well, all of the writings we managed to find say that the sacrifices either come out stronger, or their families seal their bodies into stasis, or—”

She stops, choking on tears she fights back with every bit of training she’d gone through.

“Or they die,” Kakashi finishes in a soft, defeated voice.

All three of them stand silent in the office for a long time.

~

Kakashi finds himself sleeping in Iruka’s hospital room most nights. The treatment is hell on his partner’s body—the windows are covered with heavy curtains now, to keep out the sunlight which could very easily burn his skin on the medication; hair which was once limp and matted is now starting to fall out every time Kakashi pulls a brush through it; his lips are chapped and broken around the tube, his skin dry and thin everywhere else. The nurses had to change his IV from his arm to the back of his hand today, because the veins in his arm are becoming too thin to support the needle.

He’s dying.

Iruka’s dying, and all Kakashi can do is hold his hand and watch.

And, gods, the last thing they said to each other… Iruka was speaking a different language and Kakashi was begging him to wake up.

Will he really have to watch Iruka die, knowing that he’ll never get to hear I love you from those lips again?

Kakashi buries his face in his arms, carefully arranged over Iruka’s thigh. He used to have such thick, muscular thighs; it’s barely skin and bone now.

Alone, with only his dying partner to hear—or not—Kakashi lets himself cry.

~

“I’m going to try something.”

“Naruto, please—”

“No. Kakashi-sensei, Iru-nii is strong. And Freol won’t pursue him if he goes through the Change, right?”

“There’s no guarantee of that.”

“He’ll be stronger, just like the other sacrifices who survived. Kakashi-sensei, all Iru-nii needs to do is survive.”

“The Change—”

“We’ll deal with it when we’re on the other side of this!”

Naruto places his hands on Iruka, and the Nine-Tail’s Cloak bubbles up around him.

The monitors, registering Iruka’s nervous system, don’t react. He’s in no further pain.

Kakashi feels the tiniest bit lighter. “I hope this works, Naruto.”

“It was Kurama’s idea,” the teen grins. “He remembered that normal healing jutsu wasn’t working before; but he was able to beat back Freol himself when she came after me. So letting Iru-nii use Kurama’s chakra as a kind of life support—it should keep Freol from making this worse at least, right? While he gets better?”

It doesn’t make sense. It shouldn’t work.

But it does.

~

Almost a week later, the nurses are removing the tubes from his throat, and Kakashi is pacing the room waiting for the tranquilizers to wear off. Iruka should wake up any minute now. Naruto’s plan worked. Iruka made it through, and his most recent blood test showed no abnormalities due to radiation. They stopped the heavy metal sequestration yesterday, but the white blood cell proteins will continue for a few days still, to help prevent further infection.

They still don’t know what kind of change Iruka’s undergone. At least, other than the physical.

His hair is gone. Sakura has assured Kakashi that it will grow back. It’s so odd, though, seeing his partner without hair. They’ve put a cap on his head to keep him warm—his body temperature has been fluctuating oddly the last day and a half, and in particular today he’s running cold.

Also, his scent has changed. He hasn’t told anyone about it yet, but Iruka smells different. Less like old parchment and a swift river, and more like… like a waterfall and the deep, loamy scent of rich, black earth. It’s not a bad change. But it’s significant. He’s already taken an overnight to summon the pack and have his ninken memorize Iruka’s new scent, just in case it’s permanent.

“K’shi?”

He’s across the room in a flash, holding Iruka’s limp hand and holding back tears.

“I thought—”

“My K’shi,” Iruka slurs, turning his head to face him and closing his eyes, a soft smile on his lips.

The tears fall anyway. “I thought I was going to lose you.”

Iruka hums. “L’ve you.”

He’s still on a considerable amount of pain medication, Kakashi realizes. He laughs wetly, leans forward and kisses Iruka’s forehead. “I love you, too. Rest, dear.”

“M’kay.”

And just like that, he is breathing slow and steady, his eyes close gently, and he is sleeping peacefully for the first time in months. Kakashi falls back into his chair with a huff and tips his head to the ceiling, still holding Iruka’s hand, and also, finally, finding an easy sleep.

[jinkicake]

Quarantine with Akaashi, Tendou

Akaashi x Reader

Tendou x Reader

This is for the request of what quarantine would be like with these fools! I hope you enjoy it, thank you for requesting it! </3 I hope you all stay safe, please stay healthy! 

WC- 1,352

~~~

Akaashi Keiji

Even during quarantine Akaashi will still try to keep his regular routine, go to sleep at a moderate time and wake up early

If you fuck up your sleep schedule, good luck

I don't think he would force you to get up with him though, he would let you sleep in but only till like noon, he would still like for you to have a healthy sleep schedule

Speaking of his routine, Akaashi would have a set schedule. Wake up, shower, eat breakfast, do his work. He would prioritize doing the work he has to finish over avoiding it.

He’s going to make you also do your work during this time, he would try to persuade you and help you with it so you don’t have to stress about it later.

If you stay on your phone all day and try to procrastinate your work, good luck, it's not going to happen with him. He is going to take away your phone LOL but it's out of love because he wants the best for you. 


Akaashi would do fun activities with you like baking or watching movies or taking relaxing baths, anything to try to keep your mind occupied. 


Akaashi is so soft for you, so soft. The thought of him running his hands through your hair and giving you soft ‘head scratches’ gives me the power to produce enough serotonin to last a week.

Expect a lot of FaceTime calls from Bokuto and Kuroo. They’re just as bored in quarantine as you are and probably miss seeing their friends more than anything. You can expect to eat dinner with Bokuto and Kuroo through FaceTime at least five days out of the week.

Akaashi would be a great person to be in quarantine with, he is so perceptive and will be a soft, reliable figure to lean on during this hard time.

“I’m back.” Akaashi announces as he walks through the front door. Despite wanting to run into his arms you give him a bright smile and take the grocery bags from him instead. The two of you part as Akaashi makes a beeline to the shower and you start to put the groceries up. 

By the time you finish putting everything away and finish wiping down the counters, Akaashi emerges from the bathroom. The first thing he does is make his way over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head on your shoulder. 

“It was so hectic out there.” He complains and you relax in his hold, enjoying the feeling of his arms tightly wrapped against you.

“You should just let me go instead.” At this, you can feel him shaking his head and you sulk in his arms.


“Only one of us should go out, and I already have to go out once a week for work.” Now, he is placing loving pecks on your shoulder. “What should we make for dinner?” 

“Fried rice.” You answer without hesitation, resulting in a muffled laugh leaving your fiancé’s lips. Slowly he unwraps his limbs from your own and walks over to the fridge to get out all the ingredients. 

“Bokuto should be calling us any minute.” You glance over at the clock noticing it is almost 7 pm and with a ring from your phone, you open your laptop and answer the FaceTime call with an amused smile.

“Hey, hey!” Bokuto greets, leaning forward and waving happily at the camera.

“Bokuto.” Akaashi throws a smile over his shoulder and you wave back at the older man.

“Hey Bokuto what have you been up to?” You lean forward and smile, staring at him out of curiosity. 

“Absolutely nothing!” 


“Me too!” You chime back, ignoring the disapproving tsk from Akaashi. 

“Please can I come over, please,” Bokuto begs, his head falling in dejection as he cuddles the blanket he is holding to his chest. “I am so bored!”

“We’re social distancing.” Akaashi reminds him and you hear an upset groan coming from the computer. “Just wait for all the fun stuff we will do this summer Bokuto.” 

Akaashi turns to focus his attention on the computer and you take over where he left off on the counter. 

“We can go to the beach, we can go camping, hangout as much as you want-“


“I want to go to the beach!” Bokuto eyes widen excitedly at the promise of these summer plans. 

A fond smile covers your face as you glance over your shoulder at where Akaashi is comforting his best friend, the tenderness touching your heart. In moments like these, you forget that there is a world outside, all you can focus on is Akaashi.

Tendo Satori

Okay, Tendou would be the complete opposite of Akaashi. Where Akaashi still maintains his regular routine Tendou fucks his up. This man is going to sleep at 7 am and waking up at 3 pm with zero regrets. 

What is work? With all this free time you two have now it's ‘finish that long anime you were too intimidated to touch’ time.

Naruto will be finished within a week. Shippuden done in the following week and a half. 

It's easy to let yourself go with a terrible sleeping schedule but Tendou tries to eat semi-decent because of you. I feel like you guys could eat chips and junk food all day but you guys have to have at least one full meal.

It's difficult to be productive during a time like this but you would try to carve out two hours to do the work you have to get done, whether that's something like cleaning or schoolwork

It ends up being a bust though because ten minutes after you declare a work session Tendou will open his computer, see what he has to do, and then close it. Next thing you know the two of you are sending each other tiktoks back and forth on opposite sides of the couch for the next four hours.

All those tiktok trends going around, the whipped coffee, diy clothes, dumb little dances. You can bet you are participating in those. 

Oh you two won’t run out of things to do. Tendou will always have something to do, you cannot tell me this man won’t make a blanket fort in your living room.

Let’s be real. Quarantine is the two of you locked in your apartment alone for weeks, nearly a month. It wouldn’t be surprising if you pulled up with a baby in nine months. 

Overall it’s like having a never ending sleepover with your best friend, you’ll never be bored.

“Ta-daa!” Tendou cheers as he pulls his hands away from your eyes, presenting the masterpiece he created while you were in the shower. You had an odd feeling that he wasn’t joining you, and now you know why. You glance at him out of the corner of your eye, a questioning look resting on your face. “It’s like our own kotatsu!” 

“Tendou this not like our own kotatsu.” You cover your laughter with your hand looking at the blankets covering your coffee table. “I like the effort though.” You grip his bicep tightly before placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Come on let’s get under.” 

“Get under?” The red head’s eyebrows shoot up and his mind wanders as he watches you crawl under the blankets. “I mean I guess we will just have to make room.” He mutters and you playfully roll your eyes at his antics. 

The situation on the floor is quite comfy, with the pillows propping your bodies up underneath the blankets. You’re wrapped in Tendou’s arms as you watch a fight scene that has been going on for nine episodes too long, and gently you turn around in his arms with new different thoughts clouding your mind. 

Biting the inside of your cheek to hide your smirk you press your thigh between his legs, fully not expecting to meet his half-hard dick. With a soft whine, you let your face fall to his neck, trying not to burst out laughing.

“Did you really get a boner from watching this fight scene Tendou?”


“ITS A GOOD SCENE.”

[depressedkakashihatake-fics]

Mirror Mirror

Hatake Kakashi/Maito Gai\

2762 Words

Warnings: Mentions of Body Dysmorphia. Angst

Edited by: @mireleth

Revolting.

Keeping his eyes on the mirror in front of him, Kakashi struggled to keep his attention on the task at hand. He had a wound to stitch up, but no matter how hard he tried to focus his eyes always wandered. They continued to focus on the one part of his body that he hated. 

That one thing that didn’t belong.

Disgusting.

It felt like there were still eyes on him. People watching and wondering as he passed through with a hand clutched over his chest, pinning his Jonin jacket closed in a desperate attempt to hide himself away. To conceal that part of him he was always trying to forget about.

The one thing that he hated about his own body. 

Even his own students had found themselves staring, though a small part of him tried desperately to remind himself that Sakura and Naruto had tried to ask him if he needed them to do anything. Something that would help make him just a little less uncomfortable.

He had been too desperate to get home and disappear from sight to even bother with their question, turning his back to the pair and heading off while Tenzo took care of collecting their target’s body and leading the rest of the team to Konoha. 

His eyes scanned back down to the deep wound on his chest. It would have been smart to go to the hospital to have it taken care of, or just to stop for a bit and let Sakura help him out. She had the skills needed to heal his wound, and then he wouldn’t be standing in front of a mirror at this moment trying to do it all himself.

Then of course, if he had stopped to let Sakura heal him he would have had to sit there with his hands at his sides trying desperately to ignore the fact that his binder was broken and everyone could see his chest. It would be impossible to keep himself covered while Sakura was working, and he could barely handle the thought of Naruto, Sakura and Sai seeing him like that.

Having a full view of his chest without his binder in place to keep everything flat. The way he was supposed to look.

No, that wasn’t an option, and the hospital would have been even worse. He could usually convince them to get Tsunade-sama for situations like this, but if she wasn’t available he had no idea who he would get stuck with and that wasn’t a risk that he was willing to take. 

Getting yelled at by Sakura or Tsunade-sama was a risk he was going to have to take this time. It was better than the alternatives, at least in his eyes. 

Idiot.

His brain turned on him. Berated him for not getting this all fixed earlier so that he didn’t have to deal with these feelings anymore. So that he could look in the mirror and see the Hatake Kakashi that he was supposed to see, not a body that made him hate himself.

It was one simple surgery, why was he so afraid of going through with it? Why did his anxiety keep giving him mental images of all the ways he could die if he went in for just one surgery? 

Why were his hands shaking?

“Damn it!” Dropping the needle to the ground, he reached up and rubbed his eyes. Trying desperately to wrestle away the image that had burned itself into his mind. The one that he kept seeing in the mirror no matter how much he wished it would go away.

Repulsive. Sickening. Nauseating.

The words kept running through his head, repeating themselves over and over again like a record that never ended. 

One broken binder and here he was. Standing in front of his mirror wondering why he was born into a body he hated so much. Why he couldn’t have just been born with a body that made him comfortable in his own skin.

“Kakashi?” Gai’s voice broke through his thoughts, pulling him back to the present and the task he was supposed to be trying to accomplish. Stitching up his chest wound. Except now he had two things to worry about. If Gai was in his apartment he was looking for him, and if he saw him in his current binderless situation…

No, that wasn’t an option.

Doing a 180 degree turn, Kakashi bolted forward and attempted to close the bathroom door, cursing when Gai’s hand suddenly appeared between the door and the frame and stopped him from successfully locking himself into the washroom.

Now he was stuck. There was no way he was going to be able to force the door closed; Gai was stronger than him. If he really wanted to he could shove the door open and Kakashi would have no chance of fighting it. 

That meant he had to go with his backup plan. Scanning the room he located his towel and dived for it, managing to wrap it around his chest just before Gai stepped into the room.

“I see Yamato was right to send me.” Tenzo, of course. He had probably worried his friend when he ran off in front of the team, but Tenzo still had a mission report to give and would likely want to take the rest of the team out for dinner to celebrate a successful mission. So he sent the only other person that had a chance of getting him to talk. “He told me you were hit.”

“He’s worrying too much,” Kakashi deflected. “I’m fine, Gai. Don’t you have somewhere better to be?”

Gai ignored him and took a step forward, which wasn’t at all surprising. There was no-one in the leaf who knew when Kakashi was lying to them better than Maito Gai. 

“Show me.” A request. The chance for Kakashi to open up and let Gai see the damage. He didn’t. Tightening his grip on the towel he held it even closer to his body and ignored the spike of pain when it brushed against the open wound. 

Gai hadn’t missed the wince though. Kakashi could tell that much when he closed the distance between them and gently laid his hands over Kakashi’s, asking for permission once again.

“Fine.” Dropping his hands to the side, Kakashi allowed the towel to pool by his feet so that Gai could have a clear look at the wound. Now exposed, Kakashi felt even worse than he had earlier. 

Uncomfortable.

A feeling he didn’t usually experience when he was with Gai. Gai, who made him feel loved and desired. Who reminded him every day that they were together that he was handsome and perfect.

Gai, who had never had one bad thing to say about him in all of the time they had known each other, even when he had every right to hate him. 

Standing there in front of the man he loved more than anything in the world. Who had seen him naked on multiple occasions when they made love, or even just when Gai managed to convince him to take his binder off for the night. He was uncomfortable having those beautiful eyes on him for the first time in years, and he hated it.

He wanted so desperately to cover up. Hide his body away from Gai and act like nothing was wrong, but he couldn’t. Gai had already seen the wound. His eyes were glued to the deep, bloody gash that Kakashi had only gotten partway through stitching before his mind had gotten the better of him and he’d stopped. 

“You should have gone to the hospital.” It was an observation rather than a scolding. “If this isn’t healed properly it could get infected.”

“I cleaned it.” A poor attempt to defend himself, but Kakashi knew he wasn’t on very stable ground regardless of how he approached the argument. He should have gone to the hospital, but for a man who was regarded as a tactical genius, he was so stupid when it came to his own health. The thought of anyone else seeing him made his skin crawl. Unwelcomed eyes examining a body he hated, judging him silently because no one was brave enough to say what they were thinking out loud.

Not if they wanted to live. 

Gai didn’t argue. Instead he searched the room for the needle that Kakashi had been using to stitch his wound. When he spotted it on the floor in front of the sink, he made his way over and knelt down to pick it up. Once it was in hand, Gai stood up again and carefully laid it down on top of Kakashi’s bathroom sink before turning to the first aid kit sitting open on the edge of his bathtub. 

Two needles. Every kit had two needles just in case, both wrapped up and kept sterile for immediate use. Thankfully Kakashi had only used the one he had just dropped since getting hit kit refilled after running out of too many things. It didn’t take Gai long to locate the second needle in his kit, making his way back over to him as he carefully peeled away the protective layer that kept it sterilized and started to thread some new thread through it. 

Kakashi could already hear the things Gai was going to say to him. How he was ‘the most handsome man in all of Konoha’ and how Gai ‘loved him no matter what.’

It didn’t make it any easier. It was nice to hear, of course. He liked knowing that Gai wasn’t going to leave him because of something he had no control over, but it didn’t take away the disgust when he looked at himself in the mirror.

No amount of kind words could make him feel like there wasn’t something wrong. Not when his mind screamed at him everytime he took off his binder. He hated his chest. It was revolting.

Out of place.

It didn’t belong to his body.

“You know, you could always get top surgery,” Gai’s voice cut through the silence. It would be a lie to say that he had never thought of that option, but there were so many factors to consider. The most important one being that he wasn’t comfortable being put under for any surgery at all. It left him vulnerable and exposed, a dangerous situation for any shinobi to be in. “It would make you feel better. I hate…”

Seeing you like this.

Knowing that you’re uncomfortable.

Nothing Kakashi hadn’t heard from his boyfriend before. They’d had these conversations a few times, though thankfully they usually only lasted a few minutes before Gai just gathered him into his arms and held on until Kakashi was feeling a little better.

A few minutes, a couple of hours. How long they stayed cuddled up on the floor depended on how bad his dysphoria was that day.

“You know how I feel about that.” Maybe one day. When things weren’t so hectic and he could actually afford the time off he’d need to recover, and when Gai could be there with him. If not Gai, at least Yamato. Someone he trusted to have his back while he was out cold. Until then, he’d suffer. Tsunade-sama wasn’t able to give him that amount of time off. Not when everything was going to shit all around them. She needed all hands on deck, and it had been like that almost all of his life. 

“It’s an option,” Gai offered, making his way back over to his side and holding the needle up. “If we sit down on the floor, I can finish for you.”

Taking the offer, Kakashi sat down right where he was and watched as Gai followed suit. As soon as they were both seated comfortably, Gai continued where Kakashi had left off, frowning when Kakashi’s first reaction was a wince as the needle pierced his skin.

“No, I didn’t take anything,” Kakashi answered before Gai could even ask the question. “Was in too much of a rush.”

Giving his head a shake Gai continued anyway. Both of them had been forced to stitch their wounds without any pain killers countless times before, so this was nothing new. It just wasn’t usually a preferred course of action.

“You know what I love?” Kakashi diverted his eyes. It was obvious where Gai was going with this and he wasn’t sure it was something that he wanted to hear. “Your smile.”

Placing his hands over his ankles, Kakashi stared down at the ground and tried his best not to pull away when the needle pierced his skin again.

“I also love your hair. And the little lines around your eyes when you close them.” For the first time in hours Kakashi could feel a small smile tugging at the side of his lips. “But I think my favourite thing about you has to be your kiss.”

As he said it, Gai leaned in to steal a quick kiss, careful to keep his hands steady so he didn’t pierce Kakashi with the needle anywhere it wasn’t supposed to go. Settling his hands on Gai’s chest, Kakashi twisted his fingers into soft green fabric and held him for just a second longer. Holding onto the sweet taste of Gai’s kiss just a moment longer before finally releasing his grip on his jumpsuit.

“Why are you like this,” he grumbled under his breath. “How can you love me when I look…”

Wrong.

Gai just smiled. Kakashi already knew the answer he would give; it was always the same.

Because you’re Kakashi. You’re perfect.

Kakashi never believed him. How could he when he couldn’t look at himself in the mirror without feeling disgusted by the man he saw staring back at him. Still, Gai was here. He had always stayed by his side no matter what, helping him pick out new binders as he grew. Standing by his side the first time he bought himself a packer. Even holding his hand when Tsunade-sama gave him his first testosterone shot, and celebrating for a bit when Kakashi started to grow a beard before promptly telling him to shave it off because it was too scratchy for kisses.

“I just…” The words refused to come up. How was he supposed to describe how it made him feel? Gai would be horrified. He always worked so hard to help Kakashi see himself in a brighter light. To combat the depression that Kakashi had been dealing with since he was five, in any small way that he could.

How was he supposed to tell Gai that he hated anything about his own body, when Gai loved everything about him so deeply and passionately?

“Kakashi,” another weave of the needle through his skin as Gai spoke up, “I know this is hard for you. I can see the way you look at yourself in the mirror after you spend the night with me, and how you squirm away from me when I convince you to take off your binder at my place. I know you don’t like it.”

Gai was right. Of course he was right, but it didn’t change the fact that Kakashi had missions to do and his own fears with being put under for surgery. Even if he could get the necessary time off to get top surgery, which seemed highly unlikely, he’d be alone. No one to watch over him while he was unconscious. Tenzo and Gai would both have to cover for the missions he couldn’t do while he was getting the surgery and recovering. He’d be alone.

He hated the thought of being alone and vulnerable, even in Konoha.  

Disgusting. Revolting. Nauseating.

Over and over again until something else caught his attention just for a moment. Long enough for him to realize the time and rush to shower and finish dressing before stumbling out the door to start his day.

“When you’re ready we’ll get it fixed.” He didn’t need an explanation. It was clear that Gai was talking about him finally getting top surgery. It was the only way to really fix the problem after all. “Until then…”

Gai’s eyes scanned back down to his chest, and his fingers continued to work on stitching up the wound that had led to all of these problems in the first place.

“Well, until then I’ll just have to keep reminding you of how much I love you.”

At least there was something good to look forward to. He could handle that.

[apolloamongothers]

The sides as quotes from my classtrip

Patton: Ice cUBES!!1!1!!!1! *chugs whole cup of ice cubes*

-

Thomas, pouting: NeiöÖÖÖNN!!!

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Virgil: *singing in a happy tune* I have crippling depression~

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Roman: Ordering at McDonald's and then running to the toilet and having to finish before your order is finished is extreme sport.

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Remus: *bangs head against wall at 2 am*

Deceit, from the other room: GO TO SLEEP

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Patton: *randomly starts singing into of children show loudly in a crowded place*

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Virgil, standing beside Roman's bed at three am: YEEEEEEE!!!1!1!1!1!!!

Roman: hOLY MAMA MAGLIONE-

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Patton, in Dad mode: I didn't say I would clean it up if you didn't, I said I would throw it away!

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Virgil: Ace beats everything but UNO Reverse turns it around so would Ace beat itself or would it destroy UNO Reverse?

Logan, crying: it's three am, please go to sleep

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Remus, reading package: Quick fun for everyone

Remus:

Remus: Hey Deceit, does this package offer me sex? Should I take the offer??

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Patton: *spills tea* SHIT

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Patton: *aggressively hugs everyone within a mile*

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Logan, tripping over his words: -merö.

Roman: MERÖÖÖ

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Virgil: In conclusion, I'm a master assassin.

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Deceit: He's in the Gaydom now.

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Patton, waving happily: Hiiii!!!

Patton:

Patton: WAVE BACK YOU DUNG BEETLES

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(Fem) Roman: Okay, but does she sound gay?

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(Fem) Roman: I'm feeling fabulous. Do you think a lesbian would hit on me?

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Virgil: A COP!

Virgil: *naruto runs away*

-

Virgil: Never gonna gIVE YOU UP-

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Roman: I look epic!

Roman: *trips and rolls down hill*

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Virgil: *sings Naruto Intro*

Logan: Be quiet

Virgil:

Virgil: *sings Naruto Intro quieter but more aggressive*

-

Roman, about Remus: He said 'I'm gonna fold it and throw it' and I thought he'd make a paper plane but instead he folded a throwing star and threw it at Logan

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Roman: What does this sign mean?

Logan: Someone's pissing

Remus, yelling from the bathroom: I'M PUKING

-

Virgil: If you try to touch my chips one more time I'll skidaddle skadoodle stab you with my pen

-

Virgil: *unholy screech*

Virgil, whisper shouting: mY cHiPs-

-

Remus, stepping onto the hallway with messy hair like an evil witch living in the woods: Don't you wanna have a Good Hair Day like me?

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Virgil, punching the radio: GIVE ME PANIC! AT THE DISCO

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Emile: A colorful house! A COLORFUL HOUSE!

Remy: A gay house.

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Radio: *plays My Heart Will Go On*

Roman: We're all gonna die!

Virgil: YAY!

-

Roman: The sun is laughing!

Deceit: At you.

Roman: Everyone. Yes. What? Area 51.

-

Roman and Remus: Country Roads~ Let's-a-go~ It's-a-me~ Marioooo~ I'm no Virgin~ Mountain Momma~

-

Roman: I love this community!

*five minutes later*

Roman: I hate all of you.

[behindheremeraldeyes]

title: duty calls

[ch.2] [ffnet] [ao3]

summary: Modern/ Quarantine AU- A new disease is spreading around the world, and unlike most people, she can’t run away from it. As a health worker, Haruno Sakura understands her part in this fight, and unfortunately, she can’t have him by her side. In order to keep him and everyone else safe, she has to stay away.

a/n: so, in the middle of this whole pandemic, why not write a SasuSaku AU, right? Lately, I’ve been struggling a bit with this whole quarantine and after reading a bunch of fics in which Sasuke and Sakura stay inside together, I’ve decided to show her the health worker she is. I’m also thinking about making this a multi-chapter (no more than 4 chapters) but I still haven’t decided… Should I? Well, enough of my rambling! Hope you enjoy this one! I would also love to know your opinion! Stay safe and stay inside!

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This fic is dedicated to all of those people risking their lives out there for the sake of their patients. You guys are heroes and deserve to be recognized as such. I support the health workers and their right to work under decent conditions.

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The trembling of her key chain echoed across the hallways of her apartment complex, knocking on her neighbours' every door just to be bluntly rejected. People of all ages laid restless under their blankets, feeling their heartbeats rising while watching the latest news, and it was as if she could hear the silent screams of apprehension escaping through locked doors. Sakura was coming home from a very long and very stressful shift at the hospital— one of many others that were still to come— and as soon as she found herself standing on her entry, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to take a long deep breath.

Things were definitely not okay. Across the world, all kinds of people were scared of an invisible threat that was sweeping the globe at an extremely fast pace, leaving behind a trail of sickness and death wherever it went. For those still unvisited, the near future would make sure to even the nations, for the contamination was inevitable. In a matter of days— weeks, at most— the new Coronavirus would cross yet another border, and she knew better than to believe the capital of the Fire Country would be an exception. Chaos would soon strike her beloved Konoha and there was nothing she or anyone could do to stop it.

Though politicians were trying to control the uncontrollable with motivational speeches and isolation measures, the word around the health professionals wasn’t really that simple. The hospitals weren’t ready to treat so many people at the same time. They lacked security equipments, respiratory machines, rapid tests— heck, they didn’t even have space for all of the patients that were expected to show up at the hospital. Even if the hospital where she worked at was one of the best in the whole country, Sakura knew dark times were ahead of them.

There was no use in denying the inevitable outcomes of the pandemic, she knew.

A lot of people were going to be infected, some were going to get sick, others are going to die and stricter safety measures would be imposed in order to try to contain the contamination. They mayor had already decreed a state of quarantine in order to isolate everyone, and she knew that meant not seeing Sasuke, Naruto, her parents and everyone else that are not her work colleagues for the time being. She would miss them, for sure, especially her raven haired boyfriend, but deep inside she knew it was for the best. His safety was the most important thing, and now, from afar, she could only hope he  would listen to the security recommendations so they could all get through that crisis without major problems.

Yes, hope.. that was the only thing she could do at such late hours. She opened her tired eyes to be welcomed by the dark corridor of her apartment, and reluctantly decided that it was time for her to go clean herself. Even if there were still no reported cases in the city, it was only prudent to treat the hospital as a highly contaminated place, therefore, she would have to make sure to follow the recommendations given to the doctors.

With a silent sigh, she dropped her bag to the floor and quickly took off her shoes. She unbuttoned her jeans, letting it slip down her legs, and with one move, her shirt was also pulled from her body. The pink haired doctor was then left only in her mismatched underwear as she finally crossed the hallway of her apartment towards her bathroom for a good bath. Even if she lived all alone, she couldn’t simply risk infecting everything she touched.

What if someone recklessly showed up at her door, right?

Her bare feet against the wooden floor were light as she crossed the corridor, and as she approached the living-room entrance, an odd light caught her attention. It was dim and she knew it was probably coming from the lamp next to the couch, and immediately, she tried to think back to the last time she had turned that on. Nothing came to mind. If she were completely honest, Sakura barely remembered the last time she sat on her couch to watch some Tv without Sasuke around, let alone to read a book or do something that would require that amount of light.

No, she hadn’t forgotten that light on, that much she knew. And if it hadn’t been her, then—

Her emerald eyes widened at the realization, and in a heartbeat, she rushed to the source of light just to find the one thing that was supposed to be sleeping safely miles away from her. Lying on her couch and reading a book was no one other than her boyfriend, Uchiha Sasuke, who had apparently decided to spend his quarantine with a health worker. He was simply sitting there, wearing his usual marine-blue pajamas while a mug rested on the center table next to him. Her lips parted in a mix of awe and anger at the sight in front of her, and it took her some good seconds before she decided what to do.

She had to keep calm and think rationally in order to deliver a message. Better than anyone, she knew there was no need to make a fuss because of that.

Yeah, right.

“What the hell are you doing here!?” She spoke, her voice almost screaming and hands resting on her hips as she stood at least 4 meters away from him.

His shoulders flinched at the sudden sound as he was brought back from his book. “Oh, you’re finally home.” He turned his head around to face her, then, his dark eyes ever so calm, only to be surprised by the sight of his girlfriend’s current state. “Why are you naked?”

“What?”

“Your clothes… What happened to them?” His expression changed, a sudden concern taking over his demeanour. “Were you robbed!? Sakura, tell me, did they do anything to you? Because, if they did—”

“I wasn’t robbed!” She spoke firmly, the urge of face-palming eating her alive. “Shannarou, my clothes are contaminated, Sasuke-kun. Just like me! You really shouldn’t be here. I might—”

“Did you get a new case at the hospital today?” He cut through her speech, absentmindedly, as he closed his book just to take a sip of his mug.

“No, not yet, but—"

“Then you still don’t have to be so nervous. Calm down.”

“Calm down?!” She scoffed, bitting her lower lip before continuing. "There’s a pandemic out there, Sasuke-kun. People are gonna get really sick. They are going to die, and right now, we can only rely on the isolation measures so, hopefully, the hospitals won't crash. I’ll be out there exposed to this virus and instead of only risking myself, now, with you around, I’m risking your health, too! So, please, don’t tell me to calm down.”

Her eyes were widened as she let out all of those words of concern, and it was possible to tell she was finally feeling the weight of her responsibilities on her shoulders. His eyes grew serious at the sight of his girlfriend falling apart in front of him, and if anything, the Uchiha knew he had to do something.

At that moment, Sakura was stressed and scared. She was the personification of a breakdown, just like he had predicted she would be, and even if he knew his presence there would only leave her more worried, to say he regretted his actions would be a lie. In fact, Sasuke was happy to be there.

He was happy to be by her side while he still could.

And since that was the case, the Uchiha knew he had to help her.

“Hn, you’re right.” He nodded, closing his eyes in acceptance. Sasuke stood up, then, moving his neck a little before turning to face her. “Maybe I didn’t think this through.”

“Oh, you think?” She arched an eyebrow, crossing her arms across her chest, just watching as he started to take some steps closer to her. The pinkette was still aware that she was still technically contaminated, and after all that talk, she wanted to believe her boyfriend also knew what that meant.

She wanted to believe he had understood her plea. And without major problems, he did.

But that didn’t mean he would simply admit that.

“Aah. I guess I should start taking this more seriously.”

“You really should.” She kept looking at him, as his feet continued walking, her brows arched in surprised for he was actually accepting her words. There was something different with him. Sasuke seemed more mature, more responsible and— “What are you doing?”

“I'm walking. Is there a problem?”

“Well, as a matter of fact, yes. You’re coming too close and I still haven’t showered.”

“And?”

“Are you serious?!” She started, her voice now with traces of annoyance. "Did you really not pay attention to anything I’ve just said?!”

“Oh, I did listen to you, Sakura. Though I have to admit I got a little… distracted.” He smirked, running his eyes up and down her body. “I guess the lab coat really is important to a doctor’s image.”

Her cheeks grew red in a mix of embarrassment and anger, and she had to hold back the urge to smack him on the shoulder. Had she already washed her hands, though, he wouldn’t have escaped her heavy hand that easily.

“You have got to be kidding me, Sasuke-kun!” She started, pouting angrily. “What is wrong with you!?”

“Hn.” He scoffed, shrugging off her anger. “I'm still a man, Sakura. What were you expecting?”

Tch, you’re unbelievable.” She said, closing her heavy eyes for a couple of seconds in order to let everything sink in. That whole pep talk wasn’t going anywhere. It was late, she was tired, and more than ever, she needed to clean herself. “Ugh, this is useless. I’m gonna go get a shower and then we will continue this conversation.”

“Do I have a choice?”

“No, not really.” She said, turning around and walking towards the bathroom at the end of the hallway. “It's not like you’re going anywhere before I disinfect the doorknob.” She could almost feel his eyes on her, but at that moment, she couldn’t find it in herself to care.

Though she could not see, he smirked at his girlfriend’s snarky words. Sakura was probably furious at him, but he knew it was worth it if it meant she could finally take a break during a hot shower. “Try to relax a bit. I’ll prepare you something warm to eat once you’re done.”

The unexpected softness in his voice took her by surprise, and at the mention of food, she suddenly remembered she hadn’t eaten anything since lunch. She felt her stomach lowly rumbling due to its emptiness, and a pout formed in her lips at the thought of being betrayed by her own insides. Sakura hated when he did that in the middle of an argument.

Shannarou, How am I supposed to be mad at you like that, Sasuke-kun?

A sigh escaped her lips, at the thought. “Fine.” She said, her voice holding onto the first syllable for a couple more seconds as she disappeared into the dark hallway of her apartment. She opened the bathroom’s door, turned on the light, and before she could lock herself in there, the pinkette peeked out with her her head one last time for one last warning. “Uchiha Sasuke, don’t you dare use all of my tomatoes!”

Her voice echoed across the hallway, being followed by the sound of the door clicking shut. The water, then, began to fall down while she took off the last pieces of clothes shielding her body, and soon, the bathroom was filled with steam.

——————————

After almost 20 minutes, she walked out of the bathroom, dressed in her pyjamas and with her short, pink hair still wet from the shower. Even if her mind was still revolving around the inevitable upcoming of the quarantine and the fact that she still had things to disinfect, Sakura would be lying if she said the hot water streaming down her body didn’t sooth her spirit. She moved around her apartment, bare feet against the cold floor, as she headed back to the living room where Sasuke was waiting for her. Her nose could smell the scent of food, and for the first time that evening, she saw something positive about having him around.

“Hmm… The smell is delicious.” She stated, practically humming, as she entered her kitchen. For she lived in an open floor apartment— as expected, for those who live alone— she could see as her boyfriend was once more sitting on the couch, calmly, as he had resumed reading his book. He had left her plate covered with a piece of paper-towel on the kitchen island, and judging by the steam coming out of it, she could tell he had just placed it there. It was his special rice porridge with vegetables and tomatoes that she loves so much, and she couldn’t help but mentally thank his mother for teaching him how to cook.

A smile took over her lips as she took a medium spoon to help her eat, and instead of sitting on the place he had set for her on the dinning table, Sakura walked towards the couch where he was reading and found herself a place next to him. His dark eyes didn’t bother leaving the book as she scootched closer to him, and she barely noticed as he slightly adjusted his body to welcome her by his side. She leaned back until her back was pressed against his chest, propped her feet on the couch and allowed herself to relax her muscles so she could finally eat her homemade dinner.

“Are you properly disinfected now, Sakura?” He teased, still not changing the tone of his voice nor taking his eyes from his book.

“Well, we don’t know if regular showers are 100% efficient. Maybe you should’ve thought about that before breaking into my apartment.”

“Hn, you can’t charge me for that when I entered using the key you gave me.”

She was blowing the porridge on the spoon, clearly enjoying that domestic atmosphere surrounding them. “Oh, I guess I’ll have to get that key back from you, then.”

“I guess you really should. You wouldn’t want me showing up here every night and interrupting your precious routine of skipping dinner, right?.” He smirked, turning the page of his book.

“Tch, shut up. It’s not like I do it every night.” She said, smirking back at him. Sakura hated it when he brought up her bad habits as arguments to their silly arguments. She knew he was right about the things he said about her not eating or sleeping properly, though she would never admit such thing. Being an adult was hard, but it was certainly easier with him around.

“If you say so…”

“I know so.” She nodded, with a childish smile on her face. Finally, after blowing off the steam, the pinkette took a spoonful of the porridge, and as always, felt her tastebuds delighted by how all of the ingredients melted inside her mouth. Maybe it was the fact that she was starving or maybe it was because she didn’t have such high standards on food, but she felt like that porridge could win a culinary award. It was salty, warm and that combination of carrots and chopped parsley felt like a very comfortable hug.

She loves it when he cooks her dinner. Apart from the taste always being nice, Sakura can’t help but be grateful for the fact that he cares for her. Sasuke has never been a man of many words, not even during their younger days, and that’s why, whenever he does something like that—well— it means the world to her.

With that porridge, he made sure she had no excuse not to eat after a long day of work. He was making sure she wasn’t going to ignore her own health, and with that, he was showing how much he cared. And even though she was still mad at him for being so irresponsible, she couldn’t possibly disregard his actions.

She was thankful for having him around that night. Thankful for his company, for the rice porridge and for trying to help her ease her mind even though the world around them was about to turn upside-down.

After the third spoon, Sakura let out a pleased squeal, and she really had to hold back the urge to devour everything like Naruto usually devours his ramen. “Shannarou, I just love your porridge.”

"Hn” He nodded. “My mom taught me that recipe when I first left home for law school.”

“I remember that.” She said, her voice a bit muffled because of the warm food. “You would always prepare some at your dormitory whenever we had to pull an all-nighter for the tests.”

“Aah. It was either that or ramen every night.”

“Naruto didn’t seem to mind.”

“Tch, his eating habits are probably worse than yours.”

“Well…” A soft giggle escaped her lips as her eyes were focused on the last spoon of the porridge. “I might have to agree with you on that.”

Unfortunately, for her stomach, the porridge eventually came to an end. With the flavors still lingering on her tongue, Sakura moved her body so her hand could leave the dish on the center table, not wasting time before returning to her previous position. After dating the Uchiha for so long, the pinkette was already used to his body, and therefore, it was easy for her to use it as a comfortable pillow. Her head was now resting just bellow the crook of his neck, and she allowed herself to close her emerald eyes so she could properly enjoy that moment. His scent invaded her nostrils, his warmth enveloped her body and his heartbeat soothed her senses.

Sakura wanted that moment to last forever. She wanted to have the power to freeze time so she could spend more time with him and so the scientists could have all the time they needed to properly study a cure for that disease before more people lost their lives.

Time. Such a fleeting entity for everyone out there fighting against the virus. Patients, health workers, politicians… They were all begging for more time during that time global mess but it just seemed useless as countries all around the world were breaking death records day after day. Health Care Systems are crowded all over and even she knew Konoha had been preparing for this for over a month now, Sakura wasn’t a fool to believe they would be able to go through that without major damages.

People are going to lose their lives. People she knows and works with. People she cares about. Heck, for all she knew, she might become a victim of the COVID-19 herself. There was no telling who would be spared or who would suffocate, and she didn’t want to see people paying the highest price for pushing their luck. It was not the time to take things for granted, especially not when an act of irresponsibility could put other lives at stake.

It was time for people to think about each other and avoid agglomerations. It was time for people to stay safe and stay inside as much as they could in order to put a halt to the virus’ dissemination.

It was time for people to be alone. And unfortunately, that also included them.

The pinkette didn’t know for how long she had drifted away, but she suddenly felt herself coming back to her senses as soon as his body shifted next to her. Sasuke moved his hand to place the now closed book on the table next to her plate, and as soon as he placed his arm around her shoulders, Sakura knew it was time for them to talk about serious matters.

“Are you feeling better now?” He asked, his voiced laced with sincere concern.

“Yeah.. I guess it was just the first of many stressful days that are to come.”

“How are things at the hospital?”

“Well, we still don’t have any cases confirmed, but people are scared.” She bit her lip, her voice dropping an octave in apprehension.

“Are you?”

“I'm terrified, Sasuke-kun.” She spoke, sincerely, for she knew there was no use in lying to him at that moment. Sakura had to be honest with the Uchiha in order to show him the risks of being at her apartment. His chances of getting sick were a lot higher if he stayed with her, and that was a risk she wasn’t willing to take so she could have him around every day. “The hospital has already given us the PPEs, but that doesn’t mean we’re out of danger. Lots of health workers will be infected and there’s nothing we can do about it. We don’t know what will happen to us.”

At her words, he felt his arm tightening his grip around her shoulder, and Sakura couldn’t tell if he he was aware of that reaction. She could feel her heart aching inside her chest due to the uncertainty of what would happen in the next couple of days, and even if she is a responsible adult who understood their situation, it wouldn’t be easy to come home and not find him reading his book on the couch.

She shifted her position, then, her eyes now locked with his dark ones. Both of them were holding a serious and longing expression, and it was as if they knew what was going to happen next. Sakura took a deep breath, bitting her lip for a second before deciding to speak. “You know you can’t stay with me, right?”

Their eyes remained locked for a couple of seconds, as if they were talking their own, intimate language. Through the years, in the same way he has learned to read her like an open book, Sakura has also learned to identify his real emotions through his pitch-black orbs. He didn’t like that situation. In fact, Sasuke hated it. Not just because he wouldn’t be able to see her for who knows how long, but mostly because she would be out there, on the front lines.

Just like she said, there was no guarantee that she would be okay within the next couple of weeks, and knowing she would be risking her life while he did nothing was the worst part. Though he understood the importance of social distancing in order to help the health workers, it would all be in vain if she was contaminated.

And she was going to be contaminated. He was aware of the statistics involving the medical professionals, and he knew better than to believe she would escape those numbers. She’s strong and even her boss says she’s an exceptional doctor for her age, but she’s no superhero. His girlfriend is still just a human at the end of the day, and the virus won’t spare her just because he wants to.

She will be in danger. She will be in danger, lonely and knowing her like he does, she will forget about herself in order to take care of the others.

Even if not on purpose, Sakura was going to neglect her own health, he knew. And even if he wanted to ignore the risks and stay by her side during the hard times that were to come, he knew he would only make things worse for her. Though he wanted to, he couldn’t go against her words at that moment. Not when she was looking at him with such pleading eyes.

“Aah.” He answered, his voice as low as a whisper, and that was probably the hardest ‘yes’ he has ever given her. Her eyes softened at his words, as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

A silent sigh escaped her lips after that, but no word came out from her mouth. Instead, she remained looking into his eyes for a couple of seconds more, and slowly, Sakura leaned in to plant a chaste and longing kiss on his lips. Their eyes closed, and neither of them knew for how long their lips remained together. Her right hand cupped his left cheek in an affectionate way, and immediately, he knew what she meant with that kiss.

‘Arigato.’

Though unspoken, he could feel her feelings of gratitude through the way their lips touched, and at that moment, he could only hope to be doing the right thing. Damn it, he had to be.

After a while, then, the warmth of her lips was nothing but a ghost haunting him. They remained looking at each other for a little longer, until Sakura shifted her body, again, so she could turn off the lamp before leaning against him once more. Her head now rested on his chest, their legs entangled and his arms encircling her petite body to bring her closer, in fear she would just disappear. Both of them remained silent for a couple of minutes in the darkness of her living room, thinking about the inevitable future ahead of them, until the raven haired boy was the first to reestablish their communication.

“Sakura, promise me you’ll take care of yourself.” He ordered, concern dripping from his voice. “And if anything happens, you call me immediately."

“I will, I promise.” She nodded, closing her eyes. “You too, Sasuke-kun. You can call me anytime.”

“Good.”

"Are you going back to your parents’ to stay with them?”

“No. I’ll text the Dobe in the morning. There’s still a spare bed at his apartment.”

“Oh, you and Naruto quarantining together?” She spoke, a bit of joy once more present in her voice. “There’s no way this is going to work out.”

“Hn.” He nodded, closing his eyes and allowing his body to relax. Apparently, neither of them would move out of that couch any time soon, and he couldn’t find it in himself to complain. “You know he won’t survive this quarantine all alone. Eventually, he will try to leave home to do something stupid, so someone has to stop him.”

“Fair enough.” She chuckled. "I’ll be counting on you, then.”

“Aah.” He said, his ears focusing on her steady breath. Judging by the way she relaxed in his arms, he could tell Sakura was drifting away and he could feel himself doing the same. A sigh escaped his lips, and even though he was not completely happy about the way their night ended, he figured that was not the time to worry about that.

It was really late, after all. And the next day—oh, the next day—

Who could possibly know what was going to happen?

the end.

a/n: so, should I continue?

[rinneganwritings]

Never Far Away; Chapter Two: Between the Lines

Word Count: 3,324

Summary: Yumiko returns home from a mission hoping for a nice day off.

Warnings: None

Chapter One

All Yumiko wants to do is get back to her house and fall into her bed. The mission she’d been sent on by the Hokage wasn’t difficult by any means, but it had been long. The young woman was the niece of a feudal lord from The Land of Wind. She was supposed to be a diplomat, but Yumiko got the feeling the girl was more interested in meeting boys than anything else. Still, her safety was a high priority. A fact that Yumiko was rudely reminded of when a group of thieves attacked them. Yumiko had to fight them off by herself, since the diplomat’s personal guards proved to be useless. She wasn’t seriously hurt, but her ribs did feel a little bruised from one of them managing to land a pretty strong kick.

The gates of Konoha come into view. Relief washes over her. Coming home after a long mission always has such a strong calming effect on her. She feels her shoulders relax as she walks through them. The streets were already filled with life. Children too young to be at the academy were running around playing. The markets were already filling up. In the distance, she hears someone yelling at Naruto. She smiles to herself and makes a mental note to get all the details from him about all the mischief he got into when she was gone.

She passes the street where her house is, which sends a pang of longing in her aching muscles. The Hokage would need his briefing before she could rest so she heads towards his office. Luckily, it wouldn’t take all that long.

When she gets there, he’s already waiting for her. Danzo ushers her inside his office. The man gives her a strange look that makes her uncomfortable. It’s the same scrutinizing look he always gives her when they’re in the same room. Hiruzen is sitting behind his desk looking over paperwork. She bows as she enters the room, then kneels in front of him.

“Good to see you’ve made it back,” he says. “I trust there wasn’t too much trouble?”

“I had to dispose of a group of thieves who attempted to rob the Feudal Lord’s niece,” Yumiko sighs as she remembers the whole exchange again. The Feudal Lord’s niece had spent the whole time crying, then spent the rest of the trip gripping onto Yumiko’s arm. “Other than that, no problems.”

“Very good, Yumiko,” Hiruzen signs off on the report she’d given him before dismissing her. “Get some much-needed rest.”

Yumiko bows before leaving the office. She’s relieved he didn’t have many questions for her. Then again, there wasn’t much to say about the mission. Overall it had gone exactly as expected.

She wonders as she walks back onto the street if Iruka has gotten word of her being home yet. She gets the answer when she arrives at her house to find him sitting on her porch. Iruka flashes her a bright smile as he stands to meet her halfway up the path. Without hesitation, he wraps her up in a hug. She winces slightly but returns the affection anyway.

“Don’t you have students?” she asks as they step away to look each other over. His eyebrows furrow when he realizes she’s wrapped her midsection.

“I released them early when I figured out you got home,” he eyes the bandages. “Do you need to get looked over?”

She shrugs, “They’re just bruised.”

He raises an eyebrow, “Yumiko…”

“Listen, I’ve had bruised ribs tons of times. I know exactly what they feel like.”

This doesn’t seem to put him any more at ease, but he drops the subject anyway. Instead, he follows her into her house, kicking off his sandals on the way.

“Can you start some tea while I take a shower?” she asks him as she drops her bags in the entryway.

“Of course.”

As she strolls down the hallway, she frowns at the distinct lack of Tamako. Usually this time of day the house smells of the perfume she’d put on that day, but there’s nothing today. She’d sent word to Tamako that she’d be coming home today, and usually, they spend time together when Yumiko gets home from a solo mission.

She tries to push her worries to the side as she goes to the bathroom and starts the shower. Maybe Tamako forgot. She had been a bit somber lately, so much so that Yumiko felt guilty for leaving. She assumes Tamako has gone off to train or something.

The warm water is soothing on her warm muscles, and it feels nice to bathe in her own shower. As she cleans herself, she wonders if Tamako missed her arrival on purpose. Maybe she was still mad about Yumiko leaving to start with. They’d gotten into a fight right before she left. Tamako lamented about the possibility of them finding Itachi and getting the answers about why he’d killed his clan. It was a conversation they’d had many times before, but for some reason, it had struck a different chord in Yumiko. She’d lost her patience. Demanded that Tamako forget about Itachi. She feels a pang of guilt in the pit of her stomach before turning off the water and stepping out of the shower.

She pulls on a pair of loose-fitting black pants and a gray sweatshirt. Iruka already has the tea set out on the kitchen table when she enters the room. She sits down across from him with a deep sigh. He pours her a cup and passes it to her.

“Did you see Tamako today?” she asks him.

“Actually, come to think of it I haven’t,” Iruka furrows his brows. “I checked up on her yesterday but I haven’t seen her since.”

Yumiko narrows her eyes at him as she thinks. A moment of concern flashes across his face, wondering if he’d done something wrong.

“I wonder if anyone else has seen her,” Yumiko says before sipping her tea.

“What’s going on?”

“Something feels off,” Yumiko wants to explain better, but she’s never been great with describing these things. She just always seems to know when something is going on with Tamako.

She goes to retrieve a pair of sandals from her closet, deciding they should go look around.

Iruka watches her slip the sandals on her feet, “Are we going somewhere?” “I just want to make sure I’m wrong about this.”

“About what?”

“I think she’s gone.”

The first place she goes is the training grounds. She finds Ezume and Akina there training, no Tamako. They run over to Yumiko when they see her. Akina hugs her and begins asking questions about the mission. However, she shushes up when she notices that Iruka is with Yumiko.

“Oh, you have Iruka-sensei with you?” she wiggles her eyebrows. Yumiko playfully pushes her.

“Have either of you seen Tamako today?” she asks, Ezume instantly pays attention to the mention of Tamako.

“I haven’t,” Akina shrugs.

“She was with Sasuke for a while yesterday,” Ezume offers.

“Okay, you two split up and go ask around,” she tells them. “Me and Iruka will head to Sasuke’s house to see if she’s there.”

“Is something wrong?” Ezume asks with concern painting his blue eyes.

“I hope not,” Yumiko sighs.

Yumiko and Iruka begin walking towards the outskirts of the village where the Uchiha clan used to live. Now only Sasuke remains. Tamako has always spent a good bit of time with Sasuke, and Yumiko has given whatever help he needs as far as being a young child being on his own. Sasuke never asked for much, but the girls always tried to be there for him anyway. Considering how much his mother did for Yumiko and Tamako after they lost their parents, Yumiko always figured it was the least they could do.

“Why would Tamako run away?” Iruka asked as they walk.

“There’s only one reason I can think of,” Yumiko shakes her head. She doesn’t want to believe this.

“Itachi,” Iruka finishes for her.

They find Sasuke sitting at the dock, looking into the water. He’s lost in thought, but the slight tilting of his head indicates he senses their presence.

“Is this why class was cut short, Iruka-sensei?”

“Have you seen Tamako today?” Yumiko asks before Iruka has a chance to say anything.

“I saw her yesterday,” he shrugs. “It’s not my job to keep up with her.”

“Sasuke, this is important. Very important,” Yumiko growls. “Did she say anything weird yesterday?”

“Tamako is always weird.”

“Damn it,” Yumiko groans. “It’s looking worse and worse by the second.”

For the first time, Sasuke softened a little, “Did something happen?”

“I don’t know. That’s what we’re trying to find out,” Iruka says, trying to keep everything calm.

“I think she’s run away,” Yumiko tells Sasuke.

Iruka groans, “Why’d you have to tell him that?”

“She’s run away?” Sasuke raises an eyebrow. “You don’t think she would try to find Itachi?”

Yumiko nods slowly, “That’s exactly what I think.”

Sasuke’s fist balls up tightly, “She wouldn’t do that. That’s stupid.”

“Sasuke, I’ll find out what’s going.”

“So Itachi has done it,” he growls. “He’s taken everyone from me.”

“It’s okay,” Iruka says. “Yumiko is gonna get to the bottom of this.”

“You couldn’t even tell she was going to run away,” Sasuke rolls his eyes.

“Listen Sasuke, I’m doing my best.”

He just looks down, refusing to make eye contact with her. Yumiko turns to leave. Iruka hesitates for a moment before following her. They meet Ezume and Akina on their way back towards the village. Both of them are wearing concerned expressions as they report the same lack of information. Yumiko has to accept that the worst may truly be what they’re dealing with now.

For the second time, she finds herself standing in the Hokage’s office. Instead of being impatient and exhausted, her nerves are now standing at attention. Her mind is struggling to come up with what to say to the Hokage about the situation. Hiruzen listens intently as she talks him through the day. He only shows any reaction when she suggests that Tamako has run off to find Itachi. He folds his hands on the desk in front of him.

“Are Ezume and Akina prepared to take on a mission like this?” he asks her.

“I believe so,” Yumiko answers.

Hiruzen sighs, “It’s been years since anyone in the village has had contact with Itachi. We can only assume he’s grown more powerful in his absence. It may be a good idea for another to add another jounin to your team. Temporarily of course.”

Already her mind is going through anyone she thinks would be willing to go. Guy is the first she thinks of. She knows he’s a bit much at times, but she also knows there’s nobody more dependable in times of crisis than Guy. They have been on missions together, and it worked. She also knows he’s busy with his own team. Kurenai would be a less potentially annoying choice. Not to mention, Yumiko is almost certain that Kurenai’s proficiency with genjutsu could come in handy.

She decides that whichever one she runs into first is who she’d recruit. Her feet are already twitching to get started. Still, etiquette dictates that she waits to be dismissed. Tamako did always hate when Yumiko disregarded the proper etiquette.

“I have some ideas about who could suit the mission,” she says.

“As do I,” the Hokage tilts his head towards her.

“Yes, of course,” she nods.

“Gather the rest of your team and be back here within the hour.”

“Yes, Lord Hokage,” she bows her head before finally standing to leave. She pushes past Danzo to get out the door.

Akina and Ezume are sitting on the edge of her front porch when she walks up. Iruka leans against one of the wooden beams beside them. As they spot her walking towards them, the two chunin jump up quickly to meet her.

“What did he say?” the two ask in almost perfect unison.

“He is allowing the two of you to join me in finding her,” she sighs. “We will have another jounin joining us.”

Iruka follows them, “Who?”

“I’m not sure yet,” she shrugs. “I’m sure whoever he chooses will be more than capable.”

“Ezume, Akina, go gather your things. Meet me at the Hokage’s office within the hour,” she dismisses them.

“You always sound so strict when you address them,” Iruka teases her as she walks past him to go into her house. “No wonder they’re afraid of you.”

She flashes him a quick glare before walking past him. He follows her into the house.

“Tamako wasn’t afraid of me,” Yumiko says absently as she walks past her sister’s room.

I’ll find you, Tamako. Like it or not. I’m coming.

Iruka leans against the door frame of her bedroom as she’s putting together yet another pack, this time for possibly the toughest mission she’s ever taken.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Iruka asks her cautiously. He knows in times like this it can be easy to push her buttons. Yumiko has never handled feeling vulnerable with much grace.

“I failed,” she says quietly.

“What do you mean?”

She sits on the bed, her golden eyes stare at him with tears brimming them. Iruka is surprised to see her crying, and he quickly moves across the room and sits beside her. His arm wraps around her shoulders, he feels her sobs shudder underneath him.

“My parents trusted me to keep her safe,” she leans forward to cup her face in her hands. “I couldn’t even do that.”

“Hey, hey,” Iruka pulls her closer to him. “Don’t do this to yourself.”

She takes a steadying breath, “You’re right. It’s not helping.”

As quickly as she’d broken down, she puts herself back together. She gives Iruka a pat on the back before standing up. It was time to get started.

Akina and Ezume are waiting outside the Hokage’s office already when Yumiko and Iruka show up. Akina is chewing anxiously on her lip while Ezume is doing his best to seem calm. They’ve always been nervous when interacting with the Hokage. Danzo opens the door to usher the group inside.

“I’m glad to see you wasted no time,” Hiruzen says to her. “As discussed I’ve already chosen the fourth member of your team. He should be arriving soon.”

Please be Guy, please be Guy.

“While we’re waiting, does your team know the situation?” Hiruzen asks

“They know Tamako has run away, and we can only assume it’s to join Itachi Uchiha,” Yumiko says. Saying the words out loud still brings a bitter taste to her mouth.

Akina lets out a surprised squeak when Kakashi Hatake appears beside her with a small puff of dust.

“You’re late,” Hiruzen lightly scolds him.

Kakashi sighs, “Sorry about that. I was, uh, helping an old lady with her groceries.”

Yumiko opens her mouth to say something, but Hiruzen begins speaking again before she can say anything.

“I believe Kakashi will be the most suited for this team. He has the most knowledge on Itachi Uchiha. Combined with your knowledge of your sister, I’m sure you will both make quick work of finding Tamako.”

“My lord, there must be someone else,” Yumiko begins. “I mean, I can think of plenty of others-”

“You defy the Hokage?” Danzo steps forward with a stern look at Yumiko.

“I’m not defying anyone,” Yumiko crosses her arms. “This is a very important mission and I-”

“The decision has been made,” Hiruzen silences her sternly.

Akina and Ezume are filled with questions. Akina begins rattling them off, forgetting herself without Tamako here to keep her in check.

“Is it true he has the sharingan? Does he really have a chin like a butt and that’s why he wears the mask?” Akina begins, Kakashi looks down at her.

He raises an eyebrow at the girl’s questions, “Do you always have such terrible manners?”

“Don’t talk to her that way,” Yumiko warns him.

The energy in the room changes. Iruka steps forward to grab Yumiko by the arm in an attempt to calm her down, but immediately pulls it away when he receives a slight shock.

Hiruzen holds up a hand to silence everyone. When the static in the air doesn’t dissipate, he slams his fist on the table. Yumiko regains her composure with a deep breath. It’s difficult, but she forces herself to smile. Like it or not, Kakashi was technically her comrade. And although she wouldn’t admit it, Hiruzen was right. Kakashi might just be the best choice. There’s likely not a better jounin in the whole village, and the thought puts a bitter taste in her mouth.

“Kakashi,” Yumiko sighs. “Are you ready to go?”

“I’m ready when you are,” he nods.

“Thank you, Lord Hokage for your cooperation. I apologize for my outburst,” she bows. Akina and Ezume follow suit. Iruka nods his approval to Yumiko as he moves to follow her out the door.

They all walk in silence towards the gates of the city. Yumiko feels uneasiness in her stomach. She sneaks a quick peek over at Kakashi walking beside her, his eyes fixed on his book as walks. Iruka stops at the gates, and she pauses as well to say goodbye. The other three members go a bit past them to give them some space.

“Be careful,” Iruka sighs.

“Of course,” she smirks. He gives her a quick hug, a weak smile on his lips when they pull away. She looks back at him over her shoulder before she and the rest of the team started down the road. He waves before going back into the village.

“So, Kakashi-sensei, are you going to be in charge now too?” Akina asks as the team begins filing out of the room.

“Not exactly,” Kakashi answers without looking at her.

“Do we have to listen to him?” Ezume asks Yumiko, eyeing Kakashi curiously.

“He is your superior,” Yumiko says quietly.

Once they get on the road, her mind is elsewhere. She tries to imagine how Tamako would move along this road. Where would she stop? Where is she going? This mission is going to be difficult enough on its own, but now she has to work with Kakashi Hatake.

Their paths crossed occasionally, but she mostly tried to avoid him. The last time she remembers even speaking to him was that night. When the Nine-Tail Fox attacked the village, they were both angry about having to stay behind while the older shinobi went to fight the fox. While everyone else seemed relieved to be far away from the action, they’d both been trying to find a way to get out to where the trouble really was.

That was the night her parents died, the death of heroes. They died for the village like so many others.

Being with Kakashi on this mission wasn’t going to make it any easier. She knows deep down that she should trust Hokage's judgment. He would never make a decision like this without an abundance of good reasoning.

The more she thinks about everything that’d transpired in just a few hours, the more frustrated she becomes. Her fists are tightly curled as they walk, and it’s only when Akina loudly clears her throat that Yumiko comes out of her thoughts.

“Yumiko-sensei, you’re doing that thing again.”

Yumiko looks down to see the yellow flashes of static energy curling between her fingers. Her skin has taken on a light yellow glow as her chakra emitted static energy in the form of a cloak. It was something she lost control of at times when she felt too strongly.

“Perhaps you need to take a minute to calm down,” Kakashi suggests.

Yumiko releases her fist, and the static energy starts disappearing from around her.

“I’m fine. Let’s keep going.”

[misstinfoilhat]

Saw your prompt list and thought I'd drop a suggestion: Kakashi with "don't let them see me cry" - especially if it involves young team 7

I merged this with @selspeaks :  Kakashi: Don't let them see you cry. Bonus points if Guy is in there somewhere annoying him

I tried my best to incorporate both of these!

Oh lord. I don’t even know what this story is. This went from angst to angstier, angstiest to dark af, to fluff, fluffier, fluffy mcfluffypants to what-the-fluff-even?

I don’t know. I hope you all like it though!

--

With a sharp intake of air, Kakashi shot up and leaped out of bed. The bedsheet caught on his feet and he tumbled, darted back up, and shot for the bathroom where he swiftly tugged his mask down and heaved alcoholic liquid into the bowl. Shaky hands grasped at the toilet firmly.

For two days, Kakashi had been unable to leave his apartment. In those 48 hours, less than four of them had been spent sleeping. The other 44, was tossing and turning, trying to relax his body and clear his mind, or, spent drinking an ungodly amount of sake, in the hopes of eventually pass out and catch a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.

But nothing seemed to work.

When he felt himself being done extracting the meager contents of his stomach out, he flushed and closed the lid, but paused for a moment to inspect his hands.

His fingers were soft, long, delicate. Clean, unmarred, and milky. Not at all like a shinobi's. It was because Kakashi always wore gloves. He hated the appearance of those hands. They were hands that hurt people. That killed. Hands covered in blood. 

Rin's blood.

Whenever he remembered that day, his hands would be covered in blood all over again. First, in short flashes. Coming and going in the blink of an eye.

Then, it didn't disappear. No matter how many times he'd blink at them.

That was when the washing started. Hours upon hours of scrubbing his hands raw. The blood never went away, and the more he scrubbed, the more it would bleed until he realized that it was his own blood that covered his hands and not Rin's.

This had been an occurring problem since that day, and it had only become worse once Minato, his last lifeline, had died.

Somewhere insides Kakashi's musings, there were knocks on his door.

Suddenly, it was like he woke back up. As if he had just now become aware of his surroundings. But, he knew he hadn't slept. 

Confused, he stared down at the sink, the sponge he'd used, and his irritated skin. It had happened again.

The knocks on his door became more rapid, and a voice far, far away was yelling his name and Kakashi knew he should answer and knew he needed to stop cleaning his hands.

But he simply couldn't. Not before all his dirty skin had been peeled off. Not until it bled. It wasn't clean enough until there was nothing left at all!

Another voice joined in, yelling his name. The knocks were harder; like hail on your window during a storm. The voices pulled at Kakashi and he wished he could answer them, follow them instead, but he was sure that if he didn't get the blood away, these hands would hurt everything he loved. Everything that was left.

And, logically, he knew that he was the one controlling them. He knew they wouldn't go off on their own and hurt or kill anyone he didn't want them to kill.

But, what if?

What if the constant reminder of what he had done to Rin, how he failed to protect her, or save Obito and how he hadn't been enough to keep his father from committing suicide, would drive him mad?

Kakashi absently realized that the knocking had stopped, and the voices calling out for him had stilled. For some reason, he felt a bit sad about it. Like the intrusive yelling was something comforting and nice, not noisy and disruptive. It reminded him of something or someone. 

Its absence left him in silence. A loud, strangling, ear-piercing silence accompanied only by the running tap and the scratching noise emitted between the cloth and his palms.

Why wasn't it going away?

The rubbing intensified. The motion was becoming stronger and more forceful, almost static, and it stung which was good because that meant that he was close to...

Close to what exactly?

Kakashi realized he was panting. Reality came back to him like a droplet falling from the sky. Cold, unavoidable, grey. Blinking, he gazed down at his sore, scratched-up hands. The one holding the rough sponge opened, letting the yellow foam fall into the sink. Reluctantly, he lifted his gaze up and peered into the mirror, where he met a horrid sight.

His face was unmasked in a twisted grimace. The long, angry scar he got the same day Obito died glowed as if it was laughing at him. Red, puffy, glazed eyes and charcoal orbs glistened dangerously.

And the sounds. The sounds had been his students, coming to look for him. They had to be worried about their sensei, now that he hadn't bothered showing up to practice in several days. It must have taken them a long time finding his apartment, and he had ignored them to indulge in whatever-the-fuck he had just done, the selfish jerk he was.

He stared intently at his reflection. The blood-shot eyes that met his glare were pitiful and made him furious. How long had he been standing here? 

«Stop crying, you fool,» he sneered lowly, trying to keep the trembling in his chest away from his voice. His eyes squinted shut, chasing away unshed tears.

«I said...» A deep breath. «Stop... fucking crying-»

Someone kicked his door in as Kakashi's fists hit the mirror, shattering it into a million little pieces, dancing around him like flickering snowflakes.

«Kakashi!» an alarmed voice roared from the livingroom. Heavy footsteps moved quickly across the floor.

Kakashi hit the wall where the mirror had been, slicing his knuckles on the sharp left-over pieces and couldn't hold back his winch.

He was pathetic. Pathetic, sad, weak, and a horrible human being. He didn't deserve to live. Why did he get to live when Rin and Obito didn’t?

Two strong hands grabbed a tight hold on his shoulders and pulled him back. Kakashi whirled around, trying to tear away.

«Kakashi?» The voice was deep, Kakashi recognized it but couldn't focus. Feeble, bloodied fingers tried to pry off the larger, tan, callused ones that held him still, and Kakashi was unable to keep himself from thinking that they looked clean and felt an instant need to wash his hands again.

«Kakashi!» 

He had made the voice angry. It sounder wrong like that and he knew he had fucked up, just like he always did and it probably wouldn't have happened if he had cleaned his hands---

«S-so much blood,» he mused in a whisper.

His head shot back.

For a moment, he sat there dumbly, unable to take in what had just happened. He rose a strangely painful hand to feel his heated, burning cheek but paused when he noticed the newly ripped flesh scattered across his scarred hands.

Turning them, observing all the healed crisscrossed marks and raw skin curiously, he wondered where the soft, unmarred hands from earlier had gone.

He felt the comforting touch on his shoulder return. Dark eyes looked up to meet two concerned beady eyes under a set of furiously bushy eyebrows.

«Gai? What...» Kakashi muttered perplexed but interrupted himself as he took in his surroundings. The shattered glass on the floor, the mess of soap and water, the bloodied streaks all across the bathroom. «It happened again.»

A sad smile tugged at Gai's lips and he nodded. “Yeah.”

«Oh, God,» Kakashi groaned agonizingly, curling in on himself and shrugging Gai's arm off.

«Shit!» The tears were back, and he struggled to contain them. He refused to let them fall. He couldn't let Gai see him cr---

«...kashi-sensei?»

The surprise of hearing that voice made him straighten his back, instinctively pulling up his mask before looking towards where the sound was coming from, where three heads appeared, lingering warily by the door.

«Were you attacked?» Naruto bellowed loudly as he noticed the state of the bathroom, looking over his shoulder for a possible intruder. His throwing arm itched eagerly by his side pouch.

«I guess you could say that,» Kakashi muttered to no one in particular.

«Don't worry, sensei! I'll get them!»

Naruto bounced off, but Sakura grabbed his jacket and held him back, shaking her head disapprovingly.

«Stop that, stupid.»

For a short while, there was silence once more. It was probably not more than a few seconds, but it ached like days, so Kakashi cleared his throat.

«I-I guess this looks a bit strange,» he drawled slowly and rubbed his neck, smearing the blood through his unruly silvery mane.

«Yes,» Sasuke answered immediately, folding his arms across his chest. The kid always looked suspicious, a bit like he always smelled a fart, which Kakashi bemusedly had thought once during training and proceeded to giggle himself silly as the preteens stared at him incomprehensively.

A bit like now.

They wanted an answer, he knew. Sympathized with it, even. But he had no idea how to give them one.

«I-» he started hesitantly, «I'm not sure how to explain this. And, I'm guessing that none of you would believe me if I came up with some silly story anyway. But I just...»

Again, that tight hold around his heart appeared. The heavy, painful, strangulating feeling of not being able to breathe. The same one he had years after his father passed and an even longer time after Obito and Rin died. It hurt more than a punch in the gut.

«Kakashi-sensei, are you...» Sakura asked just as Gai gently ushered them outside. 

Kakashi wiped the streaming tears off his cheek with his sleeve when Gai returned. Kakashi didn't know what he said to them, but when he came back, it was without the kids.

«I am so sorry, Kakashi. I had no idea that this is what was happening. I should have asked them to stay at the training grounds while I went to check on you by myself.»

Kakashi, still seated on the floor with his knees pushed up to his chest, hiding his watering eyes with his hand, chuckled.

«No. You'd have to tie them up to prevent them from doing whatever they want to do anyway. And unless it's for the genin exams, I'm pretty sure you would be breaking some sort of code if you did that.»

«Actually, I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to tie a student down during the genin exams either,» Gai muttered perplexed. Kakashi simply stared back.

«Huh.»

Despite himself, Gai hummed a small laugh as he started rummaging through Kakashi's well-stocked medicine cabinet, pulling out disinfectants, gauze, and rolls of bandages.

«Let me see your hands,» Gai required softly, and Kakashi obeyed reluctantly, letting his right hand fall limply into Gai's giant palm.

«Several of these will require stitches,» Gai murmured patiently as he cleaned Kakashi's wounds.

«Maa, I'll do it later,» Kakashi waved him off while Gai rolled his eyes.

«No, you're not doing anything. I will take you to the doctor so it can be done properly. Not that half-assed quick-fix stuff you did in ANBU.»

Kakashi didn't dignify that with an answer. His half-assed quick-fix stuff had saved many lives, his own and Gai's included! Was everyone grateful? Yes! Were the wounds all horribly infected and disfigured after? Well, that wasn’t relevant!

«I really think you should see a doctor, dear rival,» Gai said with the slightest hint of his trademark energetic personality back.

«Jeez, fine. I'll go,» Kakashi sighed, but held his breath when he noticed how sad Gai seemed. Apparently, the energy that he had centered into his voice hadn't quite reached his eyes yet.

«Not for that. Well, that too. But for this,» Gai lifted Kakashi's hand up for a moment, indicating towards the wounds.

«I don't usually self-harm, Gai.»

«I know, that's not what I meant either. That OCD stuff that always happens after a bad mission. And those panic attacks- whatever it is- that you're experiencing. It's no good. You can't live like that. I worry that someday you're gonna...» Gai stopped himself from finishing that sentence.

Kakashi looked away in shame.

«Do like my father,» Kakashi whispered. «I know.»

Gai started bandaging up the right hand and silently asked for the left one once it was done. Kakashi didn't say anything as he offered it, placing it gently into the welcoming palm. They didn't talk while Gai kept working, and Kakashi's mind was running.

He could hardly remember what had happened. Was that how Sakumo had felt before he stabbed himself? Had he too gone into some strange psychosis and let his own self-hatred be in control? Was that what Kakashi was doing? He knew he wasn't in control, at least, he didn't think he was. And Kakashi truly didn't want to die by his own hands, let alone imagine what something like that would do to his students.

They had lost people in their lives too.

«I'll go to the doctor,» Kakashi croaked finally, watching Gai's expressive brows rise and curve excitedly, like an expressive labrador.

«Really?»

«Yes.»

«So I won't have to drag you there against your will?»

«What makes you think you even could-»

«Thank you!»

Gai threw himself at Kakashi, cotton balls with antiseptic flying and the bottle tilting, spilling half the fluid out. Strong arms wrapped around Kakashi's shoulders and pulled him into a tight bearhug, nearly knocking the breath out of him.

«I told you you didn't have to restraint and force me there,» Kakashi hummed in a mix of discomfort and relief before pulling away. Unwillingly, Gai let go and wiped a tear away from the creak of his eye. 

Rustling from outside brought their attention away for a moment, before Gai hurried to wrap up Kakashi's other hand so they could check what the fuzz was about.

«Ngh, gah! Naruto! Your elbow is in my face!»

«Your shoulders muffled my ear! I couldn't hear anything!»

«That wasn't because of my shoulder, but from all the cotton you have for brains!»

«Will you two shut up? I'm trying to hear what they're talking abo- Ah!»

Gai dragged the door open, successfully making three noisy kids leaning towards it tumble onto the floor, laying there in a dazed heap for a moment before jolting back up.

«Kakashi-sensei? Are you okay now?» Naruto cried boastfully, jumping over to help Kakashi up from the floor. Kakashi ignored the gesture and pulled himself up, noting that he felt a slight hangover.

Good, he thought. At least I've sobered up.

«Better,» Kakashi replied truthfully, noticing how Sakura was eyeing his hands timidly. «I'm sorry for worrying you. That wasn't my intention.»

He smiled softly at her, and she seemed to perk up at that, so he decided to rest his hand on her head for a moment, just to see what it was like.

Two brightly pink cheeks beamed up at him, and in an instant, she was entangled around his torso, hugging him tight enough to rival Gai. Before Kakashi had even realized what was going on, Naruto had joined in, pressing himself to his other side while chubby, sunkissed hands grabbed at the fabric of Kakashi’s black shirt.

Sasuke stood ambivalent with his arms crossed, observing the ordeal with little to no interest, while Gai bawled his eyes out, leaping a few steps forward, ready to join in.

«Don't you dare,» Kakashi glared dangerously, and Gai turned in his step and switched his focus on Sasuke, deciding that no one should ever be left unhugged, and trapped the boy in a huge, forceful embrace, seemingly untouched by the violent death threats and obscenities spilling out of the boy. 

As much as Kakashi was touch-avert and uncomfortable by affection, he recognized this as an important moment. Not only for him but for his students (it might not be for Sasuke; this particular moment, but in the long run, maybe) too. 

Kakashi wouldn’t tell them the gritty details. They were unimportant, but mostly, he truly didn’t want to. But he realized one, really important thing. 

What had made Minao a great teacher, was his heart. And a heart contained more than just strength. It also held love and hurt. Vulnerability.

Kakashi knew he wouldn’t change overnight. Maybe not ever. 

But if this was even one step closer to being the man Minato would want as his son’s mentor, half the man Minato was, then, Kakashi would do whatever it took to become that man.

---

End

[whynoteswhispered]

Bandages

This is a short little Naruto/Sasuke fic I’ve been working on this month. It is posted on AO3 in two parts but I’m just going to post it as one unified story here. Trigger Warnings: Suicide attempt, depression, heavy content surrounding these topics. wc: 7,209

Bandages:

The sun crept in as it always did; darkness being replaced by a façade of warmth. Naruto found himself rolling away from the light, his eyes opening slightly to find Sasuke sitting awake – his hands resting on his face, pulling at his hair.

“Sasuke…” Naruto’s sleepy voice surprised him; he immediately removed his hands from his face as Naruto rested his hand on his lap. “What’s wrong?”

As his eyes became clearer, he was immediately startled awake – shifting to sitting beside Sasuke. “What’s wrong?”

Tears were rapidly falling down his face; his face red from where his hands were resting. “I can’t do this anymore,” his tone was severe, words rushing from his mouth without much thought, “Naruto, I just can’t do this anymore.”

Finding Sasuke disheveled had become a common occurrence; ever since he came back to the village he found himself feeling less and less like himself. Sasuke has held all of his emotions in for so many years that now it would come in waves; however, calling it waves would be an understatement – his emotions came more like a tsunami, threatening to tear down everything in its path – including himself.  

“Hey,” Naruto pulled his hand to Sasuke’s face, allowing him to rest into it as he wiped away the tears, “you can do it Sasuke.” His lips brushed against his hair, “You have to do it.”

As Naruto looked down he saw blood staining the white cotton sheets that laid below him; panic arose in his body immediately.

“Sasuke –” Naruto leaned forward grabbing his wrists; a gash going across horizontally, blooding pooling along the edges – jumping from the darkness when given the chance. “Hey!”

Naruto turned to face him in the bed; tears still falling quickly – now from both sets of eyes. Sasuke’s complexion was pale; the dark circles under his eyes making him look as though he was on the verge of death.

“We have to leave, we have to –” Naruto leaned across the bed grabbing his phone,

“Please just let me die here; you can leave me. I wouldn’t blame you.” Sasuke’s voice sounded hollow; a shell of what it once was.

“No, no, no, no, no, no.” Naruto jumped up from the bed, panic causing his heart to ache in his chest – as he dialed 911 he grabbed bandages from the under-sink cabinet.

“Sasuke, please…” he crouched on the floor beside the bed, grabbing his wrist and wrapping it tightly – hoping, begging, for it to slow down the bleeding. “…Damnit! You can’t leave me Sasuke, not like this!” he was finding it harder to breathe the longer he thought about the situation he was in.

“What’s your emergency?” the operator on the phone finally spoke; startling him as he finished wrapping him – keeping his hand tightly pressed along the cut; silently begging that it would stop the bleeding, even if momentarily.

“You have to get an ambulance here quick – please – my partner cut himself, he’s bleeding really bad…” he lost his focus, now just speaking whatever came to his mind, “I can’t lose him – not again, not forever.”

The operator quickly acquired the location; keeping Naruto on the line so they could aid in helping Sasuke.

Keep pressure on it.

Grab more gauze.

Keep pressure on it.

Keep pressure on it.

Grab more gauze.

Naruto played out the things that the operator was telling him to do perfectly; all Sasuke could do was beg Naruto to give up – to stop helping him.

“Damnit Sasuke,” Naruto was ignoring the person on the phone, “don’t you know how much I love you?? – I’m not just going to give up and let you die right here, for fuck’s sake Sasuke I’m not going to let you die anywhere.”

Sasuke looked at Naruto with a deep woe in his eyes; contemplating the words that Naruto had spoken – his thoughts becoming harder and harder to process as the loss of blood began catching up to him.

“They should be arriving at your home momentarily,” the operator spoke softly – trying to keep Naruto calm, “I’m going to hang up now; keep the pressure on the wound until help arrives.”

He couldn’t even find the will to say anything back, instead, just clicking his phone off and tossing it onto the floor.

“I’m sorry Naruto –” Sasuke’s voice was barely above a whisper, “I – I didn’t mean to cause you any pain.”

“Shut up,” he gripped the wound tighter, “the amount of pain I’m in right now could never amount to the amount of pain you’re in.” he leaned forward, keeping his hand tightly on his wrist – kissing his forehead; his tears falling onto Sasuke’s shirt. “You’re going to be okay; I won’t leave you.”

A knock pounded against the door, “It’s unlocked.” Naruto yelled, tears rushing down his face as he looked at Sasuke.

He couldn’t rationalize how much pain he was in to think that this was the only option; to think that there was nothing else in this world for him. “I’ll just have to love him harder.” He thought to himself.

The two medical ninjas burst through the door; scrambling through the house before finding the bedroom door. As they burst in, Sasuke shifted his eyes to Naruto. “I’m sorry.” He mouthed silently.

“We are going to need you to move,” they took a step towards the bed, “we can handle it from here.”

“I’m not leaving him.” Naruto was crying, his voice wavering with every infliction.

“We can’t help him unless you let go of his wrist.” The ninja crouched beside Naruto, placing their hand on his shoulder. They slowly leaned forward and grabbed Sasuke’s wrist from him. Naruto immediately flinching and standing to his feet.

He watched as they poured their chakra into his wound; the color across his body remaining pale.

Naruto began to feel queasy; the anxiety of the situation finally catches up to him and he immediately ran off to the bathroom – slamming the dooring behind him.

“Damnit,” Naruto looked at himself in the mirror, “Damnit!” he yelled again, punching down into the table as if they were all of Sasuke’s woes.

He darted over to the toilet, lurching back and letting all of the panic leave his body.

“He’s going to be fine.” He kept telling himself, “I’ll get him the help he needs – even if he says no.”

He began to clean himself up at the sink – looking back at the reflection and barely being able to recognize the person looking back at him. “How did you let him get to this point? You knew he wasn’t happy – he told you he wanted to be gone – how could you let him do this? You should’ve kept your eyes on him – he shouldn’t be awake crying by himself – why weren’t you there for him?” Naruto threw his fist into the counter again; his knuckles immediately dotting with blood.

“Fuck –” Naruto spoke under his breath as he ran his fist under the strikingly cold water.

“Excuse me.” A soft voice came from behind the door; Naruto immediately threw open the door – nearly knocking the medical ninja down.

“Will you be riding with us to the hospital?” Her voice was soft; such a contrast to the situation at hand.

“Is he okay?” He looked right through her, his eyes finding Sasuke on a stretcher – eyes closed and bandages wrapping the lower half of his arm – blooding already threatening to pass through the material.

“Sir,” she kept her even tone, “we need to get him to the hospital; are you coming in the ambulance with us?”

“Yes.” Naruto nearly yelled at this young ninja, “Is he okay?”

“He’ll be okay, but he’s lost a lot of blood and we are going to have to place him in a psychiatric watch for a few days,” she paused; Naruto barely being able to keep his temper at bay as he awaited her to continue on, “You won’t be able to visit him there.”

“Fuck that,” he scoffed, throwing his shoes on, “I’ll visit him whenever I want.”

He knew he was being harsh; he knew that the young ninja had no say in the policies at hand, but he couldn’t help but lash out – not when he was staring directly at the only person he ever loved on a stretcher in their bedroom.

The ride in the ambulance was deafening; the sounds of Sasuke groaning in pain causing the air around Naruto to feel thick – suffocating. He couldn’t help watch the ninja frantically poking him with various needles; one staying above him constantly giving chakra to him.

“When we arrive you’ll be asked to sit in the waiting room – Lady Tsunade already spoke to us letting us know that she would meet you there to discuss what happened.” They spoke to not stir Sasuke, Naruto just nodding his head.

“What am I going to tell her?” his hands clenched into fists resting atop his knees. “I failed him – that’s what I have to tell her. He’s barely been back in the village for six months and I haven’t been able to help him transition back at all.” Tears continued to fall down his face as his chest fluttered with panic as they pulled into the hospital.

Naruto pressed past the two ninjas as they pulled in; grasping onto Sasuke’s hand, grabbing onto it as if it would be the last time he would ever be able to do so. “I’ll be there for you when you wake up Sasuke – I’ll get you through this.” His voice was shaking; tears falling onto the white blanket that was wrapped around him.

Naruto couldn’t help but let his gaze look over at his wrist; blood still soaking through the bandages as fast as they could add another. Nausea; immediate nausea. Naruto thought he was going to be sick in the ambulance; he knew he had to keep it up just for a few more moments – to be strong for Sasuke, even if he wasn’t able to see him.

As soon as the back doors of the ambulance opened, Tsunade was standing awaiting their arrival.

“What happened?” her voice pierced through the rest of the chaos as they pulled Sasuke down and rushed him inside.

“I –” Naruto broke. He couldn’t do anything for the tears that were falling; screaming for help as they plummeted to the ground. He felt dizzy, nauseous, scared, confused – but mostly pissed off; not at Sasuke, but at himself. “I couldn’t’ help him!” his tone was above the normal range; Tsunade immediately realizing the always happy and energetic Naruto was nowhere to be found. “He cried to himself all night and I never woke up; damnit!” he dug his fingers into the tops of his thighs, “If I would’ve woken up, we wouldn’t be here – he would be fine – he’ll be fine.” His voice trailing off; only speaking as if to reassure himself.

“I don’t think I understand Naruto?” she rested her hand on his shoulder, pulling him close to her, “Do you think you can explain so we know how to better help him?”

“He doesn’t want help.” He contemplated stating; but, he didn’t want to worry her – he didn’t want her to give up on him.

“Come on,” she pulled him forward, “let’s go sit and you can tell me everything you feel comfortable sharing.”

The chaos of the waiting room was uncomfortable, even for Tsunade the restlessness of the other waiting loved ones was making her skin crawl; people crying, praying, hoping that their loved ones would make it through the morning.

As they sat down many eyes darted towards them, specifically Naruto. Naruto couldn’t go anywhere without people staring; especially after the Fourth Ninja War – even more so once Sasuke came back to the village.

He couldn’t even manage to pay them a passing glance; as soon as he slouched into the chair he lost all composure once more. His body shaking in fear; shaking in anger. “Fuck.” He spoke under his breath; knowing that him losing his composure wasn’t helping Sasuke any – but at this point, nothing was helping him.

“Come on Naruto; just tell me what happened?” Tsunade leaned towards him, her voice low to not draw suspicion from the people surrounding them.

“He hates himself; he hates himself so much that he thought that this was his only choice.” His hands dug into his hair – pulling from the roots.

“Sasuke did this to himself?” she pondered.

“Fucking hell Tsunade did you think I did this to him?” he snapped his head up to glare at her; a pain spreading in his chest when realized that maybe she wasn’t insinuating something too off.

“No – I just didn’t know what happened.” She shook her head, “I thought you said he was doing okay.”

“He only tells me what he wants me to know;” the tears falling down his face still begging him to not let them fall, “he’s been having a rough week.” He shifts his focus forward; voice dropping lower – he finally figures that the first step in getting Sasuke help is to tell Tsunade all he knows. “He had a nightmare; at least that’s what he told me. It was about his family – that’s all I know. After that he woke me up sobbing in the bed beside me, I held him there and he told me that he wished Itachi would’ve killed him then so he wouldn’t be in the pain he was in.” he wiped the tears on his chin and took a deep breath in, “The rest of the week he was distant – more distant than usual. He would hold me and tell me that he loved me, tell me that the world almost seemed worth staying in because of me – I didn’t think about how deep these statements were; I didn’t think he was thinking about killing hims-” he cut himself off, choking on the tears falling in the back of his throat; choking on the thought that he didn’t help him when he should have.

“You couldn’t have known.” She placed her hand against his shoulder, “He’ll be fine.”

“I got here as soon as I heard,” Kakashi crouched down in front of the two of them, “are you okay?” his eyes staying on Naruto.

All Naruto could do was shake his head “no” as he fell forward, resting his head in the crook of Kakashi’s neck. He cried harder than he had the whole morning, feeling comfort in his sensei’s present. Kakashi just let him while Tsunade filled him to the best of her ability.

Kakashi trembled under Naruto when she said he did it to himself; Kakashi knew that pain all too well – but he never attempted to act on it; at least not to the point of hospitalization.

“Hey,” he pushed him off his shoulder, “you need to be strong for him; you can’t go in there and be a blubbering mess – you know Sasuke wouldn’t appreciate that.”

Naruto agreed and fell back into Kakashi; he couldn’t stop himself from crying, it was as though all of Sasuke’s pain was coming out of him in the form of tears.

“Uzumaki Naruto?” a medical ninja peered from the corner, Kakashi pushed him up and he immediately stood up and rushed over to her.

“Can I see him?” he was still trying to find his voice that was lost deep in the darkness surrounding the morning.

“Follow me.” She opened the door and began walking back.

Naruto took note of how cold the floor was, the air smelling like antibacterial spray, the way the fluorescent lights ricocheted off the laminate floor into his eyes – hurting the already swollen area. These small details would resonate with him for the rest of his life; this day would stay with him for the rest of his life.

“You’ve already been told you won’t be able to visit him once we send him to the psychiatric watch, correct?” she kept her gaze forward and her voice soft.

“Yes.” He spoke frustrated, recalling that he meant to say something to Tsunade about that.

“Well, he needs to stay overnight here so we can watch his vitals – so you’re able to stay the night in his room if you so wish.” She turned and opened the door.

The lighting gave a blue hue to the room; the air was frigid. In the middle of the room was a hospital bed; a white cotton blanket wrapping around the person lying in it. The hall flooring was replaced with fake-wooden floors. It was meant to be calming, but Naruto was anything but calm.

As soon as his eyes found Sasuke he held his breath; he could feel his body threatening to cry again. “I have to be strong – I have to for Sasuke.” Naruto reminded himself of what Kakashi had told him.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” she turned to leave the room, “if you need anything you just have to hit the button beside the bed.”

Naruto nodded and immediately sprinted, as casually as he could, to the side of the bed.

“Hey –” he spoke softly, hoping that Sasuke would respond – hoping, that even though he looked so peaceful sleeping, that he would wake up so that he could see with his own eyes that he was alright.

Sasuke groaned and opened his eyes, immediately squinting from the light peering in from the window.

“Naruto?” Sasuke didn’t sound anything like himself; his voice was defeated – no longer cocky or stubborn.

“I told you I wasn’t going to leave you.” He spoke with such sincerity that a few of the tears that he was trying so hard to keep in escaped and found themselves fleeting quickly to the ground.

“I –” he immediately started crying, Naruto wrapping his arms around him as tightly as he could without hurting him. “I’m sorry.”

“No apologies. Just stay here with me; please.” He was begging him; he knew that he couldn’t handle losing him – especially not like this.

He nodded his head as he leaned into his shoulder; cries causing his whole body to shudder against him. Naruto placed gentle kisses in his hair, trying hard to keep himself from breaking down – to keep himself strong.

“I’m going to get you the help that you need, okay?” Naruto pleaded as he tightened his grip around him. “Everything will be okay; you just have to stay here – you can’t leave.”

Sasuke cried harder; he was shaking in Naruto’s arms, his voice weak from exhaustion, “I love you.”

That was all it took for Naruto to not be able to hold back anymore; the gates he placed around himself so that he would be strong were immediately torn down just by three simple words – nonetheless, three words that he wasn’t sure he was ever going to hear again.

Tears started falling rapidly into the darkness of Sasuke’s hair; he tried to keep his breathing even to somewhat emulate the gate was still strong.

“I love you too.” He placed a delicate kiss in his tousled hair; damp from sweat and tears. “You’re going to be okay.”

Sasuke nodded into his shoulder, “Naruto I’m really tired.” His voice was soft as Naruto pushed back to look at his face. His hand grazing the tears that were still falling gracefully down the sides of Sasuke’s cheeks; Sasuke closing his eyes with his touch.

“He’ll be okay.” Naruto reminds himself as he plops himself in the chair beside the bed. He places his feet up beside Sasuke; thankfully not waking him. Quickly he found himself drifting to sleep; thankfully, another sleep in the presence of the person he loves – breathing and hopeful.

Two weeks pass by:

The cold floors weren’t as shocking as they were the first night; Naruto had become accustomed to walking through the halls – breathing in the scent of antiseptic and medication. The guttural feeling of despair still pulling at his chest when the hospital door rang to let someone know there was a visitor.

“Uzumaki” The door clerk smiled and nodded at Naruto as he passed the doorway.

“Today is the big day.” He spoke cheerily; something that was only supposed to be a few days had quickly turned into a two-week stay at inpatient – but finally, he was going to get to bring Sasuke home.

Naruto had spent the last two weeks sitting in the visitor area; just enjoying breathing the same air as Sasuke – he only got to see him once. When he would go home he would frantically clean the bedroom, trying to rid the place of any memories of that night. He had to purchase new bedding, however, he tried to find bedding as close to the original as possible so Sasuke wouldn’t notice. He went through and cleaned out most sharp objects; sadly, he wasn’t able to get rid of much considering their careers.

“Can you sign this paperwork just assuring us that you understand what his treatment was for, all the medication he will be going home with, also, just the understanding that readjustment after leaving in-patient can be quite difficult for some?” The nurse pointed her finger along the line where he was expected to sign; Naruto signed impatiently as he gripped the sweatshirt he brought for Sasuke tightly in his arm.

“He’ll be out in a few minutes if you want to take a seat; he just has to sign some paperwork as well.”

Naruto nodded and took a seat in the same chair he had been sitting in for the past two weeks. He could feel his heart racing in his chest as he gripped the sweatshirt tighter, pulling it up to his face and taking in the faint scent left behind.

His chest tightened as he thought about seeing him, thought about wrapping his arms around him, thought about kissing his forehead before they fell asleep. He wanted to shower Sasuke in more love than he could ever possibly handle, but he knew he was going to have to take it slow and give him the space that he needs.

“Right this way,” the door opened slightly as the nurse poked her head out; finding Naruto and giving him a smile as she pushed the door open more.

Naruto found himself immediately standing as he recognized the thick black hair coming through the doorway. His heart was pounding out of his chest; the feeling of tears welling up in the corners of his eyes immediately overtaking him. He’s fine. He reminded himself. It took a lot of willpower for Naruto not to run over and embrace Sasuke but he knew that that would be frowned upon.

Sasuke looked up, dark circles enveloping his eyes, but a smile came across him as soon as he saw Naruto’s face. Home.

“Sasuke,” Naruto tried to keep his tone even as he walked over, clenching the sweatshirt tightly in his grip as if Sasuke’s safety depended on the sweatshirt. “hi.” He was kicking himself because he couldn’t think of anything else to mutter out to him.

“Hi.” Sasuke smiles as he immediately wrapped his arms around him; Naruto was taken aback by how tightly he was gripping him. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He nuzzled his face into the crook of his neck; he couldn’t emphasize how much he missed him enough – the countless nights he woke up in panic recalling what happened to then not have Sasuke by his side was enough to nearly drive him crazy.

The nurse let out a polite cough, “If we can have you both just sign a few more things and then you are free to go home Sasuke.” She smiled as she placed a few more sheets of paper onto the desk.

Sasuke wrapped his hand tightly in Naruto’s as they both leaned over the desk, signing their names in unison on all the required spaces.

“Alright, Uchiha Sasuke.” The nurse picked up the paperwork and straightened them out on the desk, “You are free to leave.” She smiled and waved at the two of them, Sasuke already pulling Naruto out the door.

“Wait, Wait.” Naruto came to a stop, “It’s pretty cold outside, so I brought you this –” He held out the sweatshirt as Sasuke turned around and looked at him. “Here, I’ll help.”

They stood in the doorway, the cold air blowing across their hands. Naruto opened up the sweatshirt, holding it over Sasuke’s head. Without much thought he threw his arms up into the sweatshirt, allowing Naruto to pull it down over his head, he tugged it down over his body. When Naruto got it completely over him he brushed out the wrinkles and then leaned forward and placed a small kiss on the top of his head; “It’s good to see you smile again.”

Sasuke nodded back at him; giving Naruto a smile as the two of them made their way out of the hospital. He immediately took in a deep breath of the fresh brisk air outside, his arms wrapping around himself.

Naruto wrapped his arms around him as they walked to warm him up, “Are you hungry? We could go to Ichiraku?” he rubbed his hands alongside the tops of Sasuke’s arms, being careful not to touch his lower arms.

“I’m actually pretty tired,” he kept his gaze forward, “can we just go home?”

“Sure.” Naruto patted him on the shoulder as the two of them continued walking on their route home.

Their walk was quiet; Sasuke’s fingers tightly interlaced into Naruto’s – Naruto trying to notice every small detail that he had missed all too much during their time apart.

As they got closer to their home, Naruto could feel his heart begin to race; he couldn’t help but wonder if he had gotten everything cleaned up. Will Sasuke notice the change of sheets? Did I put away all the sharp objects? What happens if I missed one? Is he really okay?... Is he really okay? Naruto pondered to himself, watching Sasuke as he unlocked the front door – he could tell he was nervous too.

“I didn’t know you could keep the place this clean.” Sasuke jokes as he kicked off his shoes and placed them against the wall.

Naruto laughed and threw his hands behind his head, “Well sure Sasuke, I can keep the house clean –” he ran up to him, embodying him in a tight hug – his lips wavering right beside his ear, “- I can keep the house clean if it’s for you.”

Sasuke wasn’t prepared for the affection that he was trying to give him; immediately he threw his arms around Naruto pulling him in tighter; whatever words Naruto spoke were lost to him as he began to lose himself. Tears were falling rapidly onto their clothes before Naruto could realize anything was wrong.

“Oh, hey –” Naruto felt himself wavering; seeing Sasuke cry was something that he was prepared for – yet, not prepared for at all. He ran his hands through his hair, “it’s okay Sasuke.” He placed a kiss on the top of his head, “I’m here for you; I’ll always be here for you.”

He placed his face deeper into the crook of his neck, enjoying his scent – enjoying his breath – enjoying the feeling of his heart pattering in his chest. Home. Sasuke reminded himself. This is home.

Sasuke nor Naruto had a home growing up; families torn apart – or never started. Sasuke feeling the need to be perfect at everything to honor his family – to become stronger to fight his own brother. Naruto being mistreated and misunderstood by the entire village; scrounging for change at a young age just to be able to feed himself. Home was not easy for either of them; being with each other was the closest feeling of what they imagined home was supposed to be.

Sasuke could feel his heart beating out of his chest; he wanted to talk to Naruto, he wanted to apologize, truly apologize, for everything he put him through; from leaving the village to just two weeks ago. He deserves an apology. Sasuke had to think about his time in inpatient; they told him over and over again that he didn’t have to apologize for anything – especially not the incident that left him there – but he felt inclined that he had too. Looking at Naruto, Sasuke knew he wasn’t the same bubbly person he used to be – and he couldn’t help but blame himself.

“Sasuke,” Naruto placed his hand under his chin and lifted up, using his other hand to wipe away the tears as they fell rapidly down his cheeks, “I love you.” He kissed gently on his forehead, “Can you tell me what’s wrong? We can sit if you need?” he gestured towards the couch, which Sasuke immediately started walking towards.

“I’m sorry.” Sasuke let out as soon as he placed himself on the couch, “I’m sorry for leaving you all those years ago - I’m sorry I was too selfish to see how much you cared - I’m sorry I was too selfish to tell you how I felt - I’m sorry I ever tried to go against you – I’m sorry for this –” his voice was rushed, his thoughts all beginning to blend together as he began to pull up his sleeve to gesture the sutures along his wrist. As soon as Sasuke’s hand began lifting his sleeve Naruto met his hand with his own, holding his sleeve down to not allow him to pull it up.

His touch startled Sasuke, looking up he noticed Naruto’s eyes beginning to water – he could tell that he was trying so hard to hold in every bit of emotion that he could.

“Please,” he pleaded, “I don’t think I can handle that just yet.” Naruto dropped his gaze, still keeping his hand placed gently on top of Sasuke’s.

“I have to apologize, I –” Sasuke begged, “I don’t want you to hate me.” He shook his head, “You have to hate me.” He dropped his voice to just above a whisper; he didn’t want to admit that he thought Naruto hated him – but to him, there was no way he couldn’t.

“Stop.” Naruto was losing every emotion he worked so hard to hold back, like a storm raging war against a perfectly calm sea, “Can’t you tell how much I love you; I’ve chased you for so many years –” Naruto shakes his head, disregarding each tear that fell from his face, “How is it not obvious how much I love you – how I would give anything away just to have you in my life, even if just for a fleeting moment?”

Naruto watched as Sasuke trembled at his words, his hand still resting along his wrist – squeezing slightly as if to show himself that he was still there.

“Sasuke, I could never hate you.” He removes his hand from Sasuke’s and places it instead along his cheek, brushing the tears away with his thumb as they fell rampantly, “I had plenty of opportunities to hate you but that never once crossed my mind; I just wanted to save you. I wanted us to finally be a family, a family that neither of us got to experience. I wanted to hold you at night and tell you about my day; I wanted you to tell me about yours.” He took note of how shaky his voice was, he was in no way holding himself together for Sasuke – but he wasn’t quite sure if composure was what Sasuke needed, “I wanted you to smile; even if only at me – I just wanted to watch your lips twitch upwards stupidly not because you felt like you had to, but because you were happy.”

Naruto studied Sasuke’s expression as he fell apart in front of him; his emotions tearing away the upbeat personality that he had held on to for so long – each tear shedding off a layer as it fell across his skin.

“I want to be happy.” Sasuke’s voice was small, so small that it made Naruto feel like he had been yelling at him, “I want nothing more than to be happy with you, but-” he feels himself waiver, and Naruto’s heart sinks, “there shouldn’t be a ‘but,” he thinks to himself. Sasuke was shaking more; his tears falling like dangerous shards of glass ready to pierce anything in their way. “Naruto, I don’t deserve to be happy.”

Hearing his name fall on his lips in a sentence like that made Naruto’s heartache with grief; how would he ever convince him that he deserved more than happiness? That he deserved to be loved; in all actuality, Naruto truly believed that Sasuke deserved the world and if there was anything more than that, he deserved that as well.

He can tell he has lost himself in the abyss of emotion when Sasuke looks up at him and his expression is one of shock; Naruto couldn’t help but think that though this is not nearly the first time he had found himself crying more than he was smiling – it may be the first time Sasuke had seen it.

“You deserve to be happy.” Naruto struggled to find the words stuck between the gasps of air.

“I don’t.” Sasuke was blunt, his hand squeezing along his wrist – harder now; not reminding him that he was present and in the moment, instead giving him the pain he thought he deserved

“Please, stop.” Naruto searched his face, looking for any shred of emotion – instead he was met with the normal blank slate, only differing were the tears streaming down his face. It pained Naruto to see him like that but he couldn’t help but wonder how many nights Sasuke had spent disheveled and broken like this by himself; was this what he had looked like two weeks ago as the sun began to pour onto the darkness waiting inside?

He reached out, pulling the hand that Sasuke had gripped tightly around his wrist away from causing him more pain. He held their hands suspended between the two of them; his fingers tracing the small scars that scattered his hands. His eyes meeting Sasuke and he finally noticed a difference in his expression, pain. And not the kind of pain that is fixed by a mere doctor's visit – the kind of pain that keeps you up at night, wondering what is to come – wondering if anything in life is what you deserve – or if the pain is even worth it at all. His heart aches as he looks into his eyes; he only wished he could transfer all the feelings he had towards Sasuke to him just so he could know how incredibly important he was. He slowly moved his hand to the backside of Sasuke’s, continuing to trace the scars with his fingers. He slowly began to move their palms towards Sasuke’s chest, allowing Sasuke’s open palm to rest above his own heart.

“Do you feel that?” Naruto pleaded, his eyes lost in despair.

“Mhm,” Sasuke noted quietly, his eyes were closed as if he were feeling his heartbeat for the first time.

“Why do you need pain to remind you that you are alive when you have that to prove it; to prove that you are worthy of happiness and love and care.” Naruto can feel Sasuke’s heart beat faster under their hands. “Why do you continue to hurt yourself when instead you can be loved? Do you not think your heart deserves to be loved when all it’s known is hurt?”

Naruto is scrambling to get words out, he feels like nothing is making sense – but he knows that all Sasuke has known is hurt and pain; it’s all either of them have known.

“It does.” He kept his eyes tightly closed but Naruto could see the tears begin to fall harder, his voice hitching when he spoke – his heart racing faster.

He couldn’t help but pull his hand off his, immediately noting that Sasuke kept his hand firmly against his chest. Naruto reached forward and placed his palm on his face, once again finding himself wiping away tears faster than they could fall.

“I’m so sorry Sasuke that I couldn’t be there for you all those years that you were so alone. But, I’m here for you now, to give your heart the love that it has missed out on.” He closes his eyes to really think about everything they had been through together, “I’m here for you even if you need me at four in the morning because you had a bad dream; I’m here and I’m not leaving – not unless you tell me to.”

Compared to now, Sasuke hadn’t fully let himself cry up to this point, now he was losing it – each tear accompanied by a deep inhale in; as if each tear was suffocating him by its mere existence. His hand left his chest and instead wrapped itself around Naruto’s that was resting on his face.

The couch that had once brought them comfort after a long day of work; the couch that more often than not Sasuke would find himself tangled in Naruto’s arms as he placed delicate kisses along his neck, the couch where Naruto first told Sasuke he loved him was now being used as a place of mourning, a place of brokenness, a place that darkness was welcomed instead of turned away.

The rough-warn edges of the couch looked brand-new compared to the two warn and desperate lovers that rested upon it. Both of them falling apart with the others touch; a touch they both desperately needed but somehow felt like a thousand needles upon impact.

“I don’t,” Sasuke stumbled on his words as he realized how broken his voice actually sounded; he couldn’t help but wonder if this was finally him allowing himself to feel for everything that has gone wrong in his life, “I don’t want you to leave.” He would never allow himself to feel this much in another’s touch; he knew he could never love someone as much as he loved the crying idiot in front of him.

As he opened his swollen and blurry eyes he took in the way Naruto was patiently looking back at him – waiting for him to say more or give wordless permission for him to continue talking. He couldn’t help but notice the way his tears were falling freely with nothing stopping them from crashing onto the couch below them.

“Please don’t leave.” He couldn’t believe that he was practically begging Naruto to stay with him. He couldn’t tell if it was the influx of emotions he was feeling or if it was the various medications in his system – regardless, he knew he meant it from his still-beating heart that he wanted him there with him, always.

Through the hushed gasps of air and the violently falling tears came a delicate smile spreading across Naruto’s face. Sasuke felt his heartbeat harder as he watched an odd calmness come across his face

“That’s all I needed you to tell me.” Naruto somehow found an even speaking tone and made sure to speak every word clearly. Sasuke noticed a sparkle in his eyes that wasn’t there before; he hoped more than anything that that gleam in his eyes was proof that his fun, loud, annoying self was still there, that this was just a fleeting thing – that he hadn’t ruined the only good thing in his life.

He immediately found himself engulfed in Naruto’s embrace, his hand finding his way through his hair and resting just at the top of his head. Delicate kisses were placed on his forehead as he guided Sasuke towards him, laying him in his lap and gently as possible.

“That’s all you’ve ever needed to tell me.” His voice is just above a whisper and Sasuke closes his eyes allowing himself to feel everything for the second time that night.

There was a warmth to his chest, a warmth he hadn’t noticed before. Love? He pondered; he couldn’t help but wonder if this warmth was what he had been missing for so long. There was something familiar about it, however, it was a distant familiarity.

Did I really want to die? Sasuke thought back two weeks ago; he couldn’t help but wonder if Naruto had held him like this that night if he would’ve made the same decisions. But, he didn’t blame Naruto; he knew that he had kept all of his feelings hidden as best as possible as to not worry him.

The warmth in his chest had encapsulated his entire body; from his toes all the way to the top of his head where Naruto continued playing with his hair. He felt overwhelmed, but for the first time, it was an overwhelming feeling that he welcomed.

“Naruto,” Sasuke kept his eyes closed as the tears continued to fall, enjoying this new-found feeling, “I love you.”

Sasuke’s head rested against Naruto’s chest, as he spoke he noticed his heart beating quicker under his ear. Naruto’s hand going still in his hair for a moment before he quickly rustled his hair.

“I love you too Sasuke.” Naruto kept his voice soft, but Sasuke could tell that if anything the tears that were falling rampantly before were doing nothing but falling faster now.

The overwhelming feeling of warmth and love made an already tired Sasuke nearly immobile. He could feel his body slowly begin to get more weighted – he wasn’t sure if he would be able to move from Naruto’s lap, but he wasn’t sure that he wanted to anyway.

His eyes became heavy, and he knew that it was likely because of the medication that he ensured to take before coming home; though he never wanted this evening to end he couldn’t help but let sleep take over his body, quickly placing his head in the crook of Naruto’s shoulders. Taking in the last moment of warmth that he could only hope to feel again when he woke up.

Naruto felt Sasuke slowly become heavy in his arms; the nurses had told him to expect him to be exceptionally drowsy over the next few days as he adjusts to his medication, so it was no surprise to Naruto when he felt Sasuke’s breathing even out and his body stop trembling from the tears cried.

He couldn’t help but stare at him; the sun peering through the windows allowing warmth to fill the room, a warmth that covered Sasuke from head-to-toe; a warmth that was nothing but a façade a mere few weeks ago.

[domesticsns]

More Izuna being a little shit please🙏🙏

Izuna being a little shit is becoming my bread and water (jk nobody pays me) 

Izuna was in the shower one evening while Sasuke and Naruto were doing grocery shopping so he was alone in the apartment. He heard the door of the bathroom and he figured it was Sasuke because the two knew each other pretty well when they were kids, i mean sure they hadn’t been this close anymore but he figured maybe Sasuke being a bit more open. So he didn’t think too much about it. That is when the curtains were pulled open and Izuna blinked a couple of times seeing Tobirama Senju. 

And he is looking him up and down and goes, “You’re not Sasuke.” 

“I am the upgraded version,” Izuna snaps back, folding his arms. 

“Yes, you’re so much more compact.” Tobirama says staring looking down at Izuna’s crotch zone. 

“How would you know?” 

“We have showers at the precinct.” Tobirama answered calmly, moving his eyes up to meet Izuna’s. 

“Sasuke doesn’t use those. He finds communal showers disgusting. He rather showers at home in a bathroom he cleans thoroughly twice a week.” 

“Fair enough. You got me, I have no idea how it looks like now” Tobirama admits. “So you’re not as dumb as you seem.” 

“I went to university....Before dropping out and touring with a band over europe. They were the opening band of this other band...I forgot the name it was years ago. Lots of groupies...I got an STD for the first time...Threatable of course. Made me a lot more cautious.” 

“Chlamydia?”

“No Gonorrhoea.” Izuna says. “Always better than aids.” 

“Congratulations you did not get aids during hoe-phase that is lasting till...How old are you 34? 35?” 

“At heart I am twenty-one.” Izuna says with a little smile on his face. 

“Right...” Tobirama says, “So where is Sasuke?” 

“Grocery shopping, probably banging in the car since he is too shy to have sex in the house with me around. But it was apparently okay to suck Naruto off just proof a point to me...Whatever sometimes I don’t even get him and I was basically his translator when he couldn’t talk.” 

“He couldn’t talk?” Tobirama asked. 

“Oh he didn’t tell you? I thought he told everyone. After my aunt shot herself through the head right in front of him he didn’t speak for years. At most he got a few words out and that was like the biggest progress he had until he went to middle school. Man he bugged the hell out of my uncle. He hated it. He spend so much money on these speeches coaches and therapist and counselors . He got so fed up. Man he locked him up in a closet for a whole day. My dad had to get him out and tell my uncle it was borderline abuse. Which was ironic because my dad had a short fuse himself and once threw me across the room as a child and I cracked my skull...You can still feel it, u wanna feel it?” 

“No thank you, but your behaviour is starting to more sense to me.” Tobirama says. 

“Hmmm, so what ya here for?” 

“I got a lead, I wanted to move on it but seems he’s not here.” 

“What’s the deal with you two anyway?” Izuna asks. 

“We’re having a whole conversation while you’re naked.” Tobirama notes. 

“I am comfortable in my body.” Izuna states. 

“I admire that.” 

“Tell me, what’s the deal? You into him? You wanna fuck him? You’re crushing?” Izuna gasped, “Are you in love?” 

“He is a co-worker. I despise slightly less because he carried my brother’s dead body to me instead of leaving it in a forest to be eaten by wolves and told me his words.” 

“How intense...What where they?” Izuna asked, a little overstepping.

Tobirama looked up from his thoughts and whispers, “That he loved me.” 

“Oh..That story sounds a little familiar...Oh my god...Oh I should not tell you this.” Izuna says, pulling the curtains back so he was hidden. 

Tobirama pulls the curtains away again. 

“What?” 

“No, I am not going to say that. This was told to me in confidence after i gave Sasuke like two pot brownies.” 

“Oh certainly don’t want to be tray that confidence. I admire that. However, he did tell you that your outfit today...Looked really bad. Like you were some cheap whore.” 

“Did he say that!?” Izuna looks angry. 

“Yeah, he said more awful things about not having your shit together and being a burden.” 

“What exact did he say about my outfit!?” Izuna insisted. 

“You looked like a cheap whore...that exactly.” Tobirama says. 

“Oh...Uhu...As if he is dressed nice with those suits and the ties and-” 

“To be fair it is mandatory clothing.” 

“Oh yea, are you in the right headspace to  receive the news that will probably make you feel like shit and want to punch Sasuke in the face?” 

“I always want to punch him in the face....Also kinda want to choke him. Go on.” 

“So he was high he told me about the first kid saw dying for the first time and how stomach was slashed open-” 

“That how my youngest brother died...” Tobirama said. 

“Yes he also told me he lied about his last words when his brother, I assume it is you,asked. He made it up. He told him..Oh well you...That his last words were that he loved you, but truly his last words were screams of agony and the disbelieve of seeing his bowels hanging out from his stomach. He just couldn’t bring himself to say the that.” 

Tobirama goes quiet. 

“I know, I know. He can be a bitch. What exactly about my outfit looked like a whore? Did he say something specific?” 

“Uh...No..No he did not.” Tobirama said. 

“Hey, you okay?” Izuna puts his hand on Tobirama’s shoulder. 

“You’re making me wet.” 

“I make a lot of people wet...” 

“Not me, my clothes, idiot.” Tobirama takes a step away. “Anyway if you see him tell him...You know what don’t tell him I was here at all. I’ll handle it myself.” 

“Or...Or..and hear me out...You join me in the shower, we fuck, and we can enjoy the sheer pleasure of the knowledge that we did it in his shower which will piss him off.” 

“Fucking in the shower? Or us fucking in his shower?” 

“Us fucking in the shower.” Izuna says.  “Come on, you won’t regret it I am pretty good. Most of Sasuke’s moves. I taught him.” 

“I doubt that.” Tobirama says, thinking of the time he accidently caught the show of Naruto and Sasuke doing.

“I did work in two porns, they’re on the internet. I still get money when somebody presses the add.” 

“You’re not afraid your family will find out?” Tobirama asks. 

“I am not stupid...I had a wig on. Short black...Spikes in the end. I even used an alias... I said my name was Sasuke. So y’know if my family sees it they think it is him and they won’t say a word because if he does it..It is because of his traumas, but when I do it..I am an attention seeking whore.” 

“you have issues, boy.” Tobirama says, “I am going to be honest with you. I don’t really care about sex, but...” He looks Izuna up and down, “I guess why not. If it pisses Sasuke off I am in.” 

“And y’know, you get me.” Izuna said, indicating to his body. 

“Sure, it is not bad.” Tobirama says as he takes off his jacket. 

Oxoxoxox

Sasuke and Naruto come home from grocery shopping and they put the bags in the kitchen. 

“Izuna?...Zuzu? Where are you?” He knocks on the bathroom door. 

“Just a minute!” He hears Izuna shout. 

“Zuzu, you’ve been in there since we left, this is beyond freeloading.” He says and he opens the door and he pulls the curtains away and took a deep, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppp, breath. And he looks at Tobirama and then he looks at Izuna. 

“When you’re done...I want you to clean this bathroom from top to bottom with bleach and I want you out of my house.” 

“Me?!” Izuna frowns.

“No, not you. You’re family we’re connected by blood. I have to deal with you.I am talking about number seven you slept with this week.”  He looks at Tobirama.

“We’re not sleeping we’re just fucking in the shower,” Izuna says, “So can we finish?” 

Sasuke walked out of the bathroom closing the door.

Naruto was in the kitchen and said, “Tobirama is in there with Izuna, isn’t he?” 

“How did you know?” Sasuke sighed. 

“The window to the fire escape is open.” 

“Clever.” Sasuke said. 

“You seem upset, for someone who is married...”  Naruto noted carefully. 

“I am not upset I am mad. That is my bathroom. I shower in there. He has his own bathroom, they should do it in his apartment.” 

“I feel like that...That’s not the reason why you’re upset.” 

“Yeah also...You expect someone to give you a heads up. That is my cousin and that my co-worker. It’s weird like if I would date his brother.” 

“I mean they already made out and Izuna did state he was interested in him. This should not be a surprise for a detective.” Naruto made a clear point. 

“It is just awkward.” Sasuke said. 

[cyhyr]

Summer of Whump Day 25: Isolation

Fandom: Naruto

Rating: G

Pairing: Hatake Kakashi & Umino Iruka, pre-relationship

WC: ~2000

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Notes: Depression. Self-isolation.

A/N: This is sad, but it's also oddly sweet in the end?

~

Naruto leaves to train with Jiraiya and Iruka is happy for him, he really is. He’s happy that he’s with one of the strongest shinobi of their time, that Jiraiya-sama is going to keep them moving and keep Naruto safe from the Akatsuki. He’s happy that Naruto made time to see him before they left, and that he promised to write as much as Jiraiya deems it to be safe.

Really, he’s happy.

That doesn’t mean that he’s not…

Upset? No, that’s not right.

Within two weeks, Iruka stops going out after work. He packs up his bag and locks up his classroom, and when the other teachers wave him down and ask if he’d like to join them for drinks he says something like, “I appreciate the offer, but I have a lot of grading. Maybe next time?” And then next time comes around and he shakes them off again. After five or six attempts, his co-workers stop asking. Iruka’s not sure if he’s relieved or not.

Anko tries to invite herself over, but Iruka denies her entry, stating that he hasn’t cleaned.

“What? That’s never stopped us hanging out before! C’mon, Ruka, I’ve got beer and bad movies! It’s Friday night!”

But, no, he really hasn’t cleaned in… How long has it been since Naruto left? He closes the door, begging off that he just doesn’t feel up to it tonight. “Maybe next week?”

Anko tries again for the next three weeks. Iruka changes the wards and locks after she breaks in when he denies her the fourth time. She doesn’t try again after that.

And then the Academy goes on a month-long break. He sees Izumo and Kotetsu at the Desk, where he assists four afternoons each week. They talk over him and try to pull him into their conversations, but he does his work and then goes home without exchanging a word with either of them. He gets enough socialization from yelling at the shinobi who think that because he’s… low… means his standards for accepting mission reports have also dropped.

They haven’t. That news gets around quickly enough.

Tsunade-sama asks if he’d like to take on extra shifts or duties. He tells her he doesn’t have the time. It’s not wrong; but also, it’s not time he’s missing, not really. She looks at him oddly, but accepts his answer. Shizune gives him a folder of paperwork to peruse at home, just in case he changes his mind?

(She lied. The “paperwork” is informational pamphlets on empty nest syndrome, depression, and self-isolating. Iruka burns them all. He doesn’t leave himself in a room with just the two of them again.)

He’s only working enough to keep the lights on and put rice in the pantry. The rest of his time is spent curled up on his bed, staring into the abyss of his bedroom. Over the next week he uses up every other bit of food in his home, even the emergency ration bars in his closet. Anything to not have to leave the house unnecessarily and see everyone’s pity.

He’s not…

He’s happy for Naruto.

He’s not even related to Naruto. He can’t have empty nest syndrome because Naruto never lived with him!

Iruka absolutely doesn’t cry himself to sleep. Because he’s happy, damnit.

~

Iruka stops going to work. He can hardly make himself get out of bed anymore. He uses the toilet and makes a pot of rice once every other day, eating it cold between fresh pots. Tea is too much work, even though a niggling part of him that sounds like Sandaime-sama says that fresh, hot tea would do wonders for his mood. Instead he’s drinking only water from the tap and barely remembering to wash his cup afterwards.

Izumo and Kotetsu come over and knock repetitively on both his front door and his bedroom window. Iruka stays in bed and ignores them. He can’t take their pity anymore.

He wants desperately to be with his friends, but more than that he wants to want to be with them.

There’s laundry all over his bedroom floor, and he’s not sure how that happened because he’s been wearing the same uniform for—days? Weeks? The apartment is a mess, but how because he stays in bed all day except to eat or use the toilet.

His body aches.

He stares at a picture taken of him and Naruto after his back injury had healed. It has a place of honor on his nightstand, next to his perpetually empty rice bowl and glass of room-temperature water.

Maybe… maybe, in the solitude of his own home, he can admit that he’s a little bit sad that Naruto’s gone.

~

He doesn’t remember falling asleep. He doesn’t remember waking up.

He exists in an odd between-state; the worst part is that he exists.

Every breath hurts. Naruto’s smile lights up his room from his nightstand, but it’s the only beacon he has left.

The knocking starts up again an hour before he’s supposed to report to the Desk. It continues, again, six hours later. Both times, he tunes it out. He’s not ready.

~

Kakashi clutches the letter in his hand and looks up at the apartment complex. Naruto had been gone just over a month and already sent a letter trying to hide how much he misses everyone. But in his very last post-script, he asked Kakashi to do something…

Please check in on Iruka-sensei for me. He’s really good at hiding how he’s feeling, even if it includes hiding himself away.

And, well, Naruto can’t have known about the tiny crush Kakashi’s been harboring for Iruka since he stood up to him at the chūnin exam nominations almost a year ago. But he can do this for his student.

So he steps up to Iruka’s door and knocks. And instead of the door he knocked on opening, the neighbor’s does.

“What’s all this again—oh, you’re new,” the woman says.

“Ah, yes, I suppose,” Kakashi stammers. “I’ve been off on a mission and just got back. Do you know if he’s home?”

She scoffs. “He doesn’t leave anymore.”

Shit.

“His friends stopped trying to get him to open the door three days ago. Blessed silence, for once.”

“My apologies, for disturbing you,” he says. He places a hand on the door and gently tugs at the wards. They’re strong—stronger than what a chūnin schoolteacher should bother having, but not strong enough that he can’t break through. “I’ll be only a minute longer.”

“See that you are,” the woman shuffles back inside. “It’s been wonderful since Umino stopped bringing the Fox around. No screeching.”

Kakashi wills himself to ignore her and turn back to Iruka’s door. The neighbor’s door clicks shut, and so he pulls up his hitai-ate and looks at the wards with the sharingan. It takes him a careful three minutes of chakra manipulation to undo them, but soon the wards fall and Kakashi turns the handle.

Unlocked.

The apartment is… cluttered? It could use a quick clean-up, definitely. There’s this layer of dust on many of the hard surfaces, and the floors could use a mop. But at first glance, it doesn’t look like some homes he’s stepped into holding depressed people.

A quick look in the kitchen shows much more evidence of Iruka hiding something. Dishes overflow the sink, the stove top has burned grains of rice stuck in places, and an overwhelming bland smell permeates the air. He steps in quickly and checks the fridge, sighing. There’s a few condiment bottles, but other than that there was only a container of rice in the middle shelf.

He’s torturing himself. Kakashi wonders if he’s aware of this.

There are three doors at the end of a short hallway outside of the living room. One, on the right, is a bathroom. The other, the left one, he can tell is the “spare” room Naruto claims is his—there’s a ramen poster pinned to the door, and while he remembers that Iruka is also very fond of ramen, he feels he can say with surety that Iruka wouldn’t decorate with ramen-themed posters.

This leaves the center door at the very end. He knocks twice before opening the door slowly.

Here is where the depression has settled, clearly.

Here is where Iruka is laid out on his side, curled slightly towards his nightstand. His hair is down, streaming across his pillow in clumps. There are clothes all over the floor; Kakashi wonders if any of them are clean. Probably not; he’ll assume not. There are ration bar wrappers near the bedside and empty dishes scattered around.

He’s torn. Should he clean up and then rouse Iruka; or talk to Iruka and then ask if he wants help cleaning up?

Kakashi tries to remember what he was like after losing… but it’s not the same, is it? It’s never the same. Every loss, every kind of loss, hits differently.

He steps over dirty clothes and kicks aside food wrappers. He kneels down beside Iruka’s nightstand and pushes aside a clump of hair that had fallen over his face. Iruka’s eyes are red-rimmed, sunken, and worst of all, cold.

“Naruto sent me,” he starts with, hoping it will get a reaction. It doesn’t. He follows Iruka’s gaze to a picture of the two of them, taken a week or so after Naruto became genin. How had he never noticed that Iruka and Naruto have the same wide smile? Naruto must have picked it up from Iruka.

“He was worried that you would hide away how you’re feeling,” Kakashi continues. “I suppose he was right to worry.”

No response.

“You can’t keep isolating yourself, sensei,” he says. “It’s not healthy.”

An answer, finally, comes softly. “Okay.”

Kakashi narrows his eye. “Okay?”

Iruka shrugs.

“Iruka, do you even know what day it is?”

Iruka shrugs again.

Kakashi carefully reaches out to touch him. Iruka flinches at the contact, but allows it. He pleads, “You need to go outside.”

“People stare,” he mutters. “Don’t want their pity.”

“I’ll keep them from looking at you,” Kakashi says.

“How?”

“I can be fairly intimidating when I want to be.” Kakashi puts his hand on top of Iruka’s. His skin is dry and cracked on his fingertips. “Will you come with me?” he asks.

“Can’t.”

“Why not?”

Iruka blushes. “I... I don’t have anything clean to wear.”

Kakashi smiles. “That’s an easy fix. We’ll make a plan and do it later, after the laundry is done.”

“I don’t have the energy to—”

“I’ll take care of it,” he waves his other hand. “Why don’t you go clean up?”

Iruka squeezes his eyes shut tight and his shoulders shake minutely. “I think my hair’s a loss,” he sniffs. “I’d have to cut it off and I—”

“Iruka, please,” Kakashi interrupts. He leans in and presses his masked lips to the back of Iruka’s hand. “No more excuses. Please, try for me? For Naruto? He’d hate to see you like this. I hate to see you like this. If you need your hair cut, I’ll cut it. If you need fresh clothes, I’ll wash them. If you need groceries, I’ll buy them. I want to help you. Please let me help you.”

Iruka doesn’t open his eyes for a long time, but he also doesn’t pull away. Kakashi waits. And when the nod comes, small and hesitantly, he can’t help but kiss Iruka’s hand again.

“I’m sorry,” Iruka whispers. “I shouldn’t—it’s—I’m being such a burden and I’m sorry.”

“You’re worth it,” Kakashi shakes his head. “Whatever burden you are, I’m willing to carry it if it comes with you.”

Iruka blushes. “That’s… don’t use your Icha Icha lines on me, please.”

“It’s not a line,” Kakashi says. “Come on, you need a shower, a shave, and some real food—not just rice. I’ll start a load of laundry while you’re cleaning up, and order in.”

“What about outside…?”

“We’ll do that tomorrow.”

[grimmjowkurosakidrake]

If it's not too much trouble can you please do an AU SasuSaku fic where Sasuke is a regular university student, but Sakura (a super-hero he has a crush on) crashes into his and Naruto's apartment. And he chooses to nurse her back to health? Feel free to change anything about the prompt :)

I haven’t written about heroes in maybe an entire year! I based Sakura’s background from a piece of dialogue between Wican and Scarlet Witch from marvel about how Scarlet Witch actually practices paganism and doesn’t just rely on her mutation. I hope you like it!!

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Diamond is arguably, Sasuke's favorite hero. Although he doesn't like to pick up favourites as if they were collectables and not real people, but every time someone starts to argue about their own favourite hero Sasuke always feels compelled to talk about Diamond. 

He started admiring her from a young age, when he was barely in verge of fifteen, almost six years ago when she herself was just starting her career as a superhero. 

She was just a little girl herself then, a tiny thing with brilliant green eyes and soft-looking, long, pink hair. She was so small and looked so very fragile to his eyes when he watched her fight a bunch of armed men involved in a hostage takeover on an elementary school full of little children not much younger than her on his computer.

She didn’t wear much of a uniform, she was so different from other heroes, barely covered in skin-tight, skimpy scraps of clothes that made him blush every time he saw them on the media.

Diamond used to wear a red qipao dress that swallowed her figure almost entirely and the marks of her Byakugou seal covered her face as normally a domino mask would do for other heroes. Now she wears a red qipao shirt matched with black latex shorts, combat high-boots and black, finger-less gloves. The marks of her Byakugou now covering her entire body in tick, sharp, dark lines. 

She wasn’t very good with publicity and she didn’t have much merchandise then, just like even now that the pink-haired girl has gained more recognition, she’s no different.

Not that Sasuke would buy anything. He’s not really a public fanboy, not like Naruto who would never miss the chance to buy merchandise for The Toad Sage, his own favorite hero.

He ratter prefers to adhere himself to her causes. Diamond is also different because her powers don’t come from freaky accidents, alien genetics or expensive technology. She’s part of a coven and her powers come from her bond with the very earth, just like The Slug Princess her mentor and The Shodaime, one of the first heroes from the Senju Coven did before her. 

She’s a strong advocate for ambientalism, publically speaking about her bond with the earth and how her powers were finally achieved by tying herself down to nature. Sasuke tries to follow her tips whenever he can, listening to her beliefs and taking them as his own. She probably is a great person. Sasuke feels no shame in admitting he has a huge crush on her.

When he first hears about the big fight she and twenty more heroes are part of with an army of undead creatures feeding off the life force of the entire city, the first thing he does when they release him early from classes to take cover, is run to his and Naruto’s apartment and watch the fight on their smart tv online. 

Naruto, his best friend, never had the money to spend on those things but Sasuke wasn’t willing to live without him while alone for university and so he stepped on any scrap of pride Naruto had for himself and decided to pay for every single one of their expenses except for ramen with his family’s money.

Naruto opens the door for him just as he arrives and they both lock the entrance with a heavy bookshelf just in case any of those things are roaming their apartment complex.

“Where’s the fight?” He asks Naruto who is already watching the event on the tv.

“The centre of the city,” answers the blond biting his finger when he sees The Toad Sage taking a hit while protecting The Slug Princess. “They’ve been fighting for more than three hours; I don’t even know how you got here without being sucked dry by one of those things.”

“I was really quiet,” comments Sasuke, worryingly seeing as Diamond closes her eyes in concentration and the diamond on her forehead starts shining a bright pink. Almost all of her teammates are passed out or defeated, the civilians around them had already been sucked dry out of their life force and Sasuke can’t think of anything she could do to fix the situation. She’s a healer and a force to be reckoned with but she’s not a powerhouse like other heroes are.

Then her life force begins to leave her body, feeding precious chakra onto her comrades and the innocent civilians around her. The main creature, or at least the biggest of them notices this and growls deeply from the back of its throat, lunging at her and hitting her with so much force that she flies over the sky.

“Diamond-chan!” Cries out Naruto just as they hear a huge breaking sound in the direction of Sasuke’s room. They look at each other immediately and at the same time, but Sasuke is the first one to react and hurry to his room.

The sight that greets him is one he can’t start to believe even when she’s there; pink hair, red clothes and lithe body. The lines of her Byakugou completely erased from her body and face. 

She looks like she’s sleeping, just a cute girl sleeping on his bed even if that sort of thing is not as normal for him as it is for Naruto. 

Without hesitating for a minute, Sasuke goes to the bathroom and carefully prepares scented water to clean her wounds and distressed face.

“She’s really cute,” murmurs Naruto, dazedly watching as Sasuke dutifully cleans the hero’s face with a clean piece of cloth dampened in fragrant, scented water. Diamond always talks about preferring natural scents and oils instead of chemicals and even if it’s just a small gesture, Sasuke feels the need to give her this small comfort.

She doesn’t wake up until much later that afternoon. He and Naruto left her to sleep on Sasuke’s room and retired to the kitchen to cook themselves some dinner and watch the rest of the fight.

In the end, Green Beast and his loyal sidekick, Lotus end up winning the whole fight after Diamond replenished their life force with her last technique, the one who landed her on their apartment.

Naruto is in the middle of an enthusiastic retelling of the fight and his favorite parts of it while making Pork Ramen from scratch when Diamond’s voice interrupts him.

“Where am I?” Asks the pink-haired hero from where she’s leaning on the kitchen’s door.

“Y… You’re on our house,” stutters Sasuke. “I mean you landed on our house after that creature punched you…” he elaborates, “My name is Sasuke and this is my roommate Naruto.”

“The fight?” She asks “Is it over?” frowns the rosette in obvious worry.

At this, Naruto smiles warmly, happy to deliver the good news “Yes,” he answers “You saved us, Diamond-chan!” exclaims the blond, “without you, Green Beast and Lotus couldn’t have won the fight!”

“Thank goodness!” Sighs Diamond, her long legs trembling as she finally falls unceremoniously against the door-frame. “I was afraid everything was lost.”

“You should rest,” sighs Sasuke, approaching her and then carefully carrying her. With his arms under her legs and her arm holding loosely on his shoulders. “You probably used to much energy,” explains the Uchiha, looking at her directly in the eyes, “You did well.”

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They don’t talk of her identity until three days later, Diamond’s marks hadn’t come back and she notices, even if Sasuke and Naruto are entirely too loyal and devoted to their heroes to mention it, Diamond is not willing to feign her identity is not in danger.

“My Byakugou is weak,” she sighs tightly gripping on Sasuke’s bedsheets when the dark haired student enters his room to serve her breakfast in bed. “I probably won’t be able to activate it or hide my face with my markings in two or three days…”

“Don’t worry,” Sasuke interrupts her solemnly, as he leaves her food in the nightstand near the bed “We won’t tell a single soul. You can trust us.” 

He desperately needs her to believe him, she’s the first hero he’s ever placed his trust upon and the first girl he’s ever been interested in. She’s loyal, pure and completely selfish. Not to mention she’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.

“I know, Sasuke-kun.” She smiles warmly, already calling him by his name as if it was the natural thing to do. “You and Naruto are good people, I can just tell.”

The first time Sasuke felt any type of attraction for anyone was at sixteen when he witnessed Diamond break the ground beneath her merely with the force of her own fist; green beautiful eyes shining with burning passion and fierce protectiveness as she fought an entire gang of human traffickers completely alone.

Sasuke fell in love with her eyes, at the time, with her power and strength.

But this is different; this time he falls utterly in love with warm, loving green eyes. With the way she trusts him completely. With the way her unmasked face and the vulnerability behind her expressions give away an entire new side of her. 

As Diamond relaxes against his bed and contentedly closes her eyes in his presence. Sasuke falls in love with the girl behind the mask.