#I share so much vent. Now I wanna share something nice

[kunikidas-lost-glasses]

I just looked up when the date is when I am finally two years clean from SH and THAT DATE ALREADY WAS!!! IT WAS A BIT MORE THAN TWO WEEKS AGO!! I SWITCHED THE MONTHS UP!!!

I AM OFFICIALLY CLEAN FROM SH SINCE 2 WHOLE YEARS!!!!!

[lunaekalenda]

Hihi! I had an idea for a joo jaekyung ask!

so basically, after kyung yelled at you for making a mistake, you took it upon yourself to go over to heesungs place, knowing that heesung has wanted you for a while. After venting to heesung, one thing leads to another and you end up sleeping with him. Next morning, heesung drops you off at kyungs place. Once you enter, you knew you were gonna be in serious trouble😛

This has been on my mind for decades I need it to happen🙏🏾

hiii!! i hope you like it!! (and that i understood it correctly)

warnings: semi public sex, mutual masturbation, cheating (?), oral f!receiving, reader is gender neutral but feminine body!

"I was supposed to be having vegetables today, honey."

His brow is up as he drops the fork on the plate, the pasta untouched and judged by his sharp eyes. The way he called you - honey .- wasn't the same as always. It was hard and rude, but not in the seductive and playful way. He's angry. And it's not your fault.

You know he's stressed, who wouldn't be? Match after match, win after win, paparazzis following him from the gym to his apartment, strict diets and regular controls, and a terrible pain on his shoulder that doesn't let him sleep most of the nights, when he leaves the bed thinking you're asleep and you feel the cold on the bed when he stands up. You sigh.

You're not even a thing. You don't know what you are. Friends? Not at all. Friends with benefits? Dubious. Some kinda only-sex thing? Probably, but not that. You take a deep breath.

"The menu Namwook sent me said carbohydrates for today." you take the paper from the magnet that hangs it on his fridge, giving it to him. He takes it and looks at it without interest.

"Yosep said vegetables early this morning." was his answer. You can't help but laugh sarcastically.

"And how the fuck was I supposed to know? I don't go to your trainings with you." Jaekyung takes his hands to his head, massaging his temple.

"Then maybe it's time for you to start doing so, if you wanna keep up this stupid play you're doing." He crumples the menu before throwing it somewhere behind you. "Cooking for me? Cleaning my apartment? Sleeping with me? For what? Fame? Money? Feelings? Y'all are the same. It bores me." With that being said, he stands up and takes his jacket. "Don't wait for me awake, or don't wait here at all, whatever you want. Since you like disobeying so much." With a bang, he leaves you alone at his apartment. His plate lies cold on the kitchen table, and you take it, in pure anger, throwing everything to the trash can. Who he thinks he is? You owe him nothing. Not money, not thanks, not even loyalty.

Your phone rings on the exact moment you take off the apron you used to avoid your clothes getting dirty from sauce. Heesung's face pops near a text.

"Are you free tonight or are you gonna ditch me again? I'll start to think Jaekyung has you captive for his own pleasure."

An idea crosses your mind. He'll get angry, He'll get so, so angry. A timid smile pulls your mouth as you answer Heesung, before getting your shoes and leaving the apartment.

He kisses so differently from him. Heesung likes to play, to tease, to lick, to bite. He likes to do things calmly, without rush, as if the night had no end. The way he touches is delicate, but confident: he knows exactly what he's doing, and he likes to spend time on it.

You don't even know how it happened: you were having dinner, one next to the other, sharing a nice conversation until he was too close and his lips were too attractive. And now, both lying on his bed, hands under clothes and almost no words between you, you're starting to get lost on him.

He feels good, for sure, everything he does: from his fingers caressing your thighs to his mouth licking your body, but you're still missing something. There's a tiny reminder, in the back of your head, that brings him up. That brings Jaekyung.

And although you're enjoying Heesung, you know he doesn't feel like Kyung. And thinking about him gets you angry, but, at the same time, extremely horny. Oh, you would pay to be with him right now. To be his strong hands, hardened after so much training, the ones opening your legs to the sides. To be his dark hair the one going down on your body, slowly, until he reaches your wetness and you reach his locks to guide him. You moan when he licks, and your eyes shut, pleasure coming in waves while he works on you with his mouth. Jaekyung would mock you, would laugh at how you moaned so quick but still ask you to do it again for him. And he would gr-

"Like this?" Heesung's voice sounds muffled when he speaks, still between licks, and you feel your face hot from shame. Oh, godess, he's on you while you think about Jaekyung.

As a response, you bury his head deeper between your legs, arching your back when he arrives to the spot you wanted him in. But it doesn't feel the same.

His hands don't feel the same.

His mouth doesn't feel the same.

His thrusts don't feel the same.

It was fun, yeah, and it was good, but it wasn't enough to make you forget him.

And you hate it. Lying in his luxurious bed, with Heesung asleep next to you, you find yourself thinking again about him.

Next morning, Heesung drops you at Jaekyung's. He talks before letting you get out of the car.

"He sent me a text yesterday. He was looking for you. I promised him I would bring you back early. It was fun, but I don't think it'll happen again." he smiles before letting you get out, and you take a deep breath before walking towards the expensive apartment. Surprisingly, Jaekyung is waiting at the main door: black cap, big sunglasses and a mask, but still recognizable. At least, for you. You walk towards him at a slow pace, teasing him, but he leans against the marble pillar, waiting patiently. Although patience is not one of his strong points.

"Good morning, Jaekyung." you mumble next to him. He follows you with big steps.

"Did you had fun?" he asks. He doesn't sound mad, he's teasing. As if he was mocking you.

"I had a lot, thanks for asking. Hope you had the same with the panties I forgot to wash and your stupid hand." you smile delicately at him while waiting for the elevator. He giggles.

"Who says I spent the night alone?" he moves towards the elevator door, getting face to face. He takes the mask down and the glasses away, sliding them in his trousers' pocket.

"I can pretty much tell by your absolute good humor." you hum, entering the elevator without waiting for him. He follows at big steps, and the doors close. You still have a very long ride until you arrive to the very last floor.

"Tell me, does he kiss better than me?" his question breaks the silent. You avoid to answer.

"I thought you didn't care, since yesterday you asked me to leave to lovingly." he smiles for himself, somehow, satisfied with the empty answer. The elevator music can be listened softly, mixed with your breath and the rhythmic tap of his fingers on the wall he's resting against. He looks at your body, slowly, scanning from your legs to your hips, to your waist, to your breasts and your shoulders. He raises a brow in silent judgement.

"What?" he shakes his head. The stupid grin of superiority is starting to bother you.

"Wow, honey, your humor is so bad today. Bet you didn't came yesterday after all this days doing it at least twice. Is he that bad?" Your cheeks feel hot as he looks at the front. Is it written on your face? Does he really care about your sexual satisfaction? What the fuck is wrong with this man?

"If you cared that much about if I came or I didn't, you would have done it yourself." you hear him laugh under his breath. He gets closer, eyes darkened, breath stronger.

"Bet I could do it with just two fingers." he takes your hand in his, showing the big difference between his fingers and your owns. Goddess, were his hands always this big?

"You could shove them up your ass." he laughs, raising a brow. He gets close, dangerously close, like a hunter does with its prey. He cages you between his body and the elevator wall. His hand finds your hip, and the other rests on the wall, above your head. His two fingers - his two damn long fingers. - caress your hips in circular motions. The same exact way he usually does. You look directly at his eyes, like a challenge, but his gaze softens. He gives a quick look to the floor indicator. "Still almost all the ride left. Bet I can make you cum before we arrive. I'm sure that asshole couldn't even having all night to himself." Your brow rises this time, and you can't help but laugh.

"Not even you and your glorious fingers would be able to do so." And it's true. As it is that you might be turned on by the conversation. His hand slips inside your jeans, grabbing your ass. He gets even closer, your breaths mixing, his scent - so sweet, and yet so fierce. - intoxicating you. His other hand leaves the wall and finds its way to the zipper of the jean, quickly undoing it. You're suddenly aware of how hot his fingers are, how rough against your skin, how handsome he looks bitting his lip and how hard he is. Jaekyung's fingers are hardened by years and years of boxing, of training and winning. And they feel too damn good when they slip inside your panties.

"Already this wet? It really seems like you've missed me tonight." his fingers caress your skin before curling, patiently teasing your entrance. Your hips move on its own before Jaekyung's knee pushes your leg. "Stay quiet, honey. I don't need any help." And, after the final word escapes his lips, his fingers are inside.

His lips are now on your neck, sucking, licking, kissing; his breath against your collarbone, his fingers caressing in circles around your entrance and his own hardness pressing against your thighs. Jaekyung sighs, before licking from your neck to your jaw. Your hand travels to his gym shorts, pressing your palm against him, making Jaekyung groan. "Are you turning this into a competition? I would recommend you don't." he sighs again when you squeeze him on top of the clothing. "Unless you wanna end getting railed in this exactt spot." his laugh is deep, and it makes you clench around his fingers. "Here, where someone could enter, and find you like this, hm?" his voice turns darker as he speaks, this time, getting closer to your lips, his breath mixing with your soft moans. "And I would have to explain them how I am the only one able to satisfy you." His finger hit the spot, making you grip his arm and search more friction against him, slipping your hand inside his underwear on the process. Yes, it's indecent, and yes, anyone could enter, but goddess, you need him to fuck you here and now. Your fingers, cold from being against the metallic walls, find his skin, making him moan agaimst your lips.

"Enough." were his only words before your jeans got violently slid down, giving him way more room for his fingers. His free hand rips your panties, sliding them inside the pocket of his trousers. You smile.

"Perverted" he laughs, while you get closer to him, pecking his lips while taking away his shorts. He sighs.

"I don't wanna leave any proof." next, you slide down his underwear, releasing his already hard cock. Jaekyung moans softly, biting his lips. Your hand starts to move on his shaft at the same pace his fingers work on you. He sighs.

"When we arrive... Oh, god, I won't let you sleep. I'll fuck you in every single surface we find." his mouth opens releasing a long groan, his hips softly moving against your fist. "On the kitchen counter, with your legs open, me kneeling between them." his finger goes faster, the sound of your juices echoing on the walls. "On the table, making you bend over, showing me that pretty ass. I didn't forget where and with who you spent the night. I think a couple punishments will avoid those things to happen again." your hand catches his rhythm quickly, mimicking it on him. His cock twitches on your hand. "On... on the mirror, so you can see those lewd expressions when I enter, the way your juices run down your thighs, how nicely you take me." The silence of the elevator is only broken by your quick breaths and moans, the sound of your hands working on each other, the wet sounds of his fingers and his cock. He smiles, moisturizing his lips with his tongue. "On the living room floor, making you ride me. On the bed, on the shower, on the balcony." his fingers move quickly, but hitting all the right spots, with his thumb caressing your clit with sweet circles, as you copy on his tip. "I wanna make you mine in every room." His words make you wetter than you already are, and his hips fuck your fist quickier. Jaekyung smiles, with that feline expression that makes you feel like his prey. "You want that, hm? It seems like you liked the idea, am I wrong?" Your mouth opens on a silent moan, lifting your leg as much as possible to give him better access.

"Please, Jaekyung. Do it." Your words seem to make him laugh. He shakes his head, once, twice. His fingers slow down on you.

"Patience, honey. We're only a couple floors away. I'll make sure to make you cum all the times he couldn't as soon as we close the door."

[skateordiebitch]

hiii! i love ur fics sm.. don’t stop making them. i honestly just wanted to request something about being best friends with dom, nothing weird at all. but he’s always there for reader and stuff, they’re close and childhood friends :)

IDIOT || D.F. x reader

summary: dominic fike, your childhood best friend; part time 'crisis manager'. full time idiot.

a/n: thank you sm! i don't plan on stopping, don't worry LMFAO. this request made my heart so happy. this reminded me so much of my best friend, who i'm away from rn :') miss him dearly so this was very nice to write!!! hope u guys enjoy!! <33

It was 2 a.m., and you were curled up on your living room couch, a half-eaten pint of ice cream in your lap, your favorite bad movie playing softly in the background. 

The door to your apartment swung open without warning, and Dominic strolled in, his hair sticking out in every direction, still wearing his pajama pants and a hoodie.

“Dom!” you said, startled but not entirely surprised. “Geez, ever heard of knocking?”

He dropped onto the couch beside you with zero hesitation, stealing the pint from your hands and taking a spoonful. “And miss the element of surprise? Never. I have a key for a reason.”

You rolled your eyes, smacking his arm lightly. “You look like shit. What are you even doing here? It’s the middle of the night.”

“You texted me, remember?” he said, wiggling his phone in front of you. “Something about an emotional crisis and needing someone to comfort you.”

You groaned, burying your face in your hands. “Dude, I didn’t think you’d actually show up. I was just venting.”

Dominic grinned. “And yet, here I am. Lucky for you, I’m an excellent crisis manager.”

You couldn’t help but smile despite yourself.

That was Dominic: always there, no questions asked, no matter the time or place. You’d been inseparable since you were kids—sharing snacks in kindergarten, passing notes in middle school, and now, navigating adulthood together.

“Okay, crisis manager,” you said, reclaiming the ice cream. “Fix me. Please.”

“What happened?” he asked, his expression softening as he turned to face you fully. 

“It’s just…” You hesitated, toying with the edge of your blanket. “I’ve been feeling kind of stuck lately. Like, everyone’s moving on and doing amazing things, getting into relationships, and I’m just… here.”

Dominic’s brow furrowed. “Are you kidding? You’re like, one of the smartest, most talented people I know. And trust me, I know a lot of people.”

You snorted. “Yeah, okay. You’re only saying that because you’re my best friend. You basically have to tell me that.”

“I’m serious,” he said, nudging your shoulder. “Remember in high school when you built that entire art project out of soda cans and won first place? Or when you aced that internship interview because you quoted your favorite movie? You’re like, actually capable of doing things.”

“Dominic, that was years ago,” you said, laughing despite yourself, “And what about relationships? All of my friends keep shoving their boyfriends in my face, and it’s making me wanna download Hinge, again.”

Dominic leaned back, his head resting against the couch as he let out a dramatic sigh. “Oh God, you’re single. The horror.”

“Shut up,” you said, throwing a pillow at him, which he easily caught. “I’m being serious.”

“So am I,” he replied, tossing the pillow aside. “Why are you stressing about this? Being single isn’t some kind of failure. You’re not competing with anyone.”

“I know that, logically,” you said, running a hand through your hair. “But it feels like… I don’t know, like everyone else is figuring shit out, and I’m just here eating ice cream at midnight with my idiot best friend.”

“First of all, rude,” Dominic said, pointing at himself. “I am a delightful idiot, and I’m sure many girls would kill to be in your place… Thank you very much. Second, that’s a load of crap.”

You raised an eyebrow. “What is?”

“This idea that you’re ‘falling behind,’” he said, sitting up straighter. “Everyone moves at their own pace. Just because your friends are in relationships doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be. Maybe you’re single because you haven’t met someone who deserves you yet.”

You snorted, shaking your head. “That’s such a cliché, Dom, really. You should write a book or something.”

“Yeah, well, clichés are clichés for a reason,” he shot back. “Look, you’ve got standards—and you should. You’re smart, funny, kind, and, despite everything, pretty tolerable to be around.”

“Aw, thanks, Dom,” you said with mock sarcasm. “Such a glowing review.”

“I’m serious,” he said, nudging your knee with his. “You’re a catch. And the right person’s gonna see that without you having to bend over backward to prove it. You just have to stop beating yourself up for not settling.”

You blinked, caught off guard by how earnest he sounded. “You really think that?”

“Of course I do,” he said, shrugging. “And I’m always right. Ask anyone.”

You rolled your eyes but felt a warmth spreading in your chest. Dominic always knew how to say the right thing, even when you didn’t want to hear it. 

“So, what? I’m just supposed to wait for some magical person to show up and sweep me off my feet?”

Dominic smirked. “Nah, I think you should keep doing you. Focus on what makes you happy. And when the right person shows up, you’ll know. Until then, you’ve got me to watch crappy movies and steal your snacks. Don’t download a fucking dating app.”

“Lucky me,” you teased, but the smile on your face was genuine. “Thanks, Dom. I needed that.”

He gave you a playful salute.

“Anytime,” he said, slinging an arm around your shoulders. “Besides, if you ever really get stuck, I’ll just carry you around and tell everyone you’re my much cooler best friend.”

“Obviously,” you said, leaning into him. “That’s been the plan all along.”

The two of you sat there for a while, the weight of your worries easing with each ridiculous comment he made. 

Dominic had always been your rock, the one constant in your constantly changing world.  

“Move over, loser. You’re hogging the blanket,” you grumbled, nudging Dominic with your foot as he sprawled across your couch like he owned the place. 

“Excuse me?” Dominic shot back, raising an eyebrow. “You invited me over, remember? You’re lucky I’m even sharing my popcorn.”

You grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl on his lap without breaking eye contact. “Your popcorn? You wouldn’t even have it if I didn’t buy it. Idiot.”

Dominic gasped in mock offense. “Wow, okay. Name-calling? Really mature, Y/N. What are we, twelve?”

“Pretty sure you were worse when we were twelve,” you shot back, grinning. 

“Fair point,” he admitted, tossing a piece of popcorn at you. It bounced off your forehead, and he burst out laughing.

You retaliated by throwing one back, but it went wildly off course, landing somewhere on the floor. 

Dominic shook his head, feigning disappointment. “Terrible aim. No wonder you didn’t make the basketball team in middle school.”

“Oh, shut up,” you said, snatching the blanket and draping it over yourself, leaving him with only a corner. “I made the team, thank you very much. I just quit.”

“Yeah, after you tripped over your own shoelaces and—”

“Do not finish that sentence,” you warned, though you were already laughing too hard to sound threatening. 

Dominic chuckled, pulling the blanket back over his lap as the opening credits of your favorite movie played on the screen. “Alright, fine. Let’s watch this masterpiece you’ve been hyping up for weeks.”

“Don’t act like it’s your first time watching it,” you teased. “You’ve seen this at least five times with me. You even cried during the ending last time.”

“I did not cry,” Dominic protested, though his face betrayed him with the slightest blush. “I had something in my eye.”

“Sure you did,” you said, rolling your eyes but grinning. “Big ass tears that would’ve scared all the girls away.”

He grabbed a pillow and lightly bopped you on the head. “Keep talking, and I’ll ruin the ending for you.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” you said, narrowing your eyes at him.

“Try me.”

You lunged for the pillow, laughing as he held it out of reach. The two of you wrestled for it for a moment, the blanket and popcorn long forgotten, before collapsing back onto the couch in a heap of giggles.

Once you both settled down, Dominic leaned back, his arm resting casually along the back of the couch. “You know, this is why we’re best friends.”

“Because you like losing pillow fights to me?” you teased.

“No,” he said, flicking your arm. “Because you’re the only person I know who can call me an idiot and make it sound like a compliment.”

You smirked, nudging him with your shoulder. “Well, you’re my favorite idiot. Don’t forget it.”

He grinned, his gaze softening for just a moment before he turned back to the screen. “Alright, let’s watch this thing. No more distractions.”

The two of you sat there, sharing popcorn, laughing at the same jokes you’d heard a hundred times, and tossing the occasional insult back and forth. 

It was the kind of night that reminded you why Dominic was your best friend—because no matter how chaotic or ridiculous things got, you always knew you could count on him to be there, making life a little less serious and a whole lot more fun. 

[loafthecat]

Now I don’t have any drawing or anything planned for the anniversary-

But I do wanna express how much this game means to me personally-

Honestly, I don’t even remember what drew me into ctm, lol- I just remembered the series from some old play throughs and thought to give it a watch but- something about the game just made my brain want more of it-

So- I watched more playthroughs and comic dubs and animation memes, (even vine comps too-) I just- loved it- and from there it’s led me a lot of places-

Thsc was how I joined discord and met some of my best friends and some of greatest people I know! All my mutuals are really creative and nice- idk what I’d be doing without @emperorcandy or @rubianarosevine or @toxsradioactivelocks and ESPECIALLY without @randomgasleak because Leaky is one of the bestest, nicest friends I have- and I would seriously miss out on every fun lil conversation and infodump we have with eachother, getting to share my ocs with him is some of the most FUN I’ve had in my life- and i am seriously thankful to EVRYONE in Tox’s server for just- existing lol-

Also no I didn’t forget about- @kean-thebean or @savagepotat or @cybercypress24 or @lynplaque or stormy love yall too-))

Thsc led to me learning about more lgbtq+ identities that I didn’t even know of- in fact it helped me figure out my own identity and realise I was AroAce! So thanks for that-!

Thsc also helped and inspired me to improve my art!!!! Seeing the talent in this fandom made me wanna improve and develop an art style I truly love to draw with- and well- I did it!!!! I finally have an art style I LOVE to use and which actually looks good!!!! I can finally draw necks!!!! And no that was not something I could do before thsc- hm, funny because sticks don’t have necks technically so who would’ve thought-???

Continuing on from that, thsc is directly responsible for the creation of some of my FAVOURITE ocs!!!! Ollie, mitzy, mavy, Kapper, Tulip etc. heck- even ocs that while they ain’t sticcs or direct thsc ocs were INSPIRED by and influenced BY the game!!! (Lookin at you, Opal and Angus-) I especially have to gush about Ollie because I just LOVE him so much- who would’ve thought a BACKGROUND oc for a rp would become one of my main ocs today-? Not me that’s for sure-, I especially didn’t expect that I’d cry over how invested I am in him lol- I just love my lil gae sticc so much!!!!! He’s brought me so much joy, he’s helped me to vent out my problems- I just- I just- LOVE Ollie- lol- and I’m sure I’ll continue to do so even in future-

Thsc also introduced me to Dave panpa’s existence so everything is 100% worth it. I would die for this man, I want to platonically hug him and him and Rupert kiss kiss, I should know- I am the loaf of bread on their countertop!

And I guess last of all- I wouldn’t be on tumblr if it wasn’t for thsc. Thsc gave me the confidence to branch out and actually start using over websites aside from YouTube- it’s also how I joined discord and as I’ve said meet all my closest friends- sure- tumblr hasn’t always been the best at times but- I enjoy being here and while yes I’m not the most popular person here or even of note to some people- I’m still here right-? And I gotta thank thsc for that-

So in conclusion-

It is 23:24 pm at night- and my WiFi really didn’t like me finishing this- (it f^cked up THREE drafts of this that I had like wtf WiFi-????)

Now. Is this normal-? No, it probably isn’t normal to have a extreme obsession over a silli game about a sticc figure stealing shi- but shush I’m weird- and autistic it’s fine-

So yeah. Thanks thsc, and thank you puff for making the game.

You changed my life- for worse or for better take your pick-

[ardenrabbit]

Hello!

A Long and Slow Recovery - are we past the halfway point? I am so excited to see how everything turns out. Did you do a lot of research to delve into Xie Lian’s experience with recovery? It’s very well written with regard to his mental and emotional struggles. Also , I just love how you write Hua Cheng and Xie Lian’s interactions.

Those Worthy of Following( new name change!) - I gushed about it in your comment section but need to emphasize how much I love that opening chapter with the dual between Hua Cheng and Xie Lian. And this dynamic, of Hua Cheng being the prince, and Xie Lian being the bodyguard, is A+++. Xie Lian is so calm and kind and powerful. He was so fierce about Hua Cheng not talking down about himself. Like,yes gege, please show your Hua Cheng how precious he is, haha. I ❤️ reading Xie Lian showing his protectiveness of Hua Cheng, even from the man himself. I’m also keen to see how Feng Xin and Mu Qing will take to Xie Lian in this verse too.

Is there anything else you can share about it that’s not spoilers? If not, that’s fine too!

Your writing is just delicious - a pleasure, something to savor and come back to again and again.

Thank you!

Omg thank you so much 💕😭💕 Your comments are always such a delight!! It's so validating and encouraging and I hope you know that!!

We are indeed past the halfway point in alasr! I honestly just kind of know what happens in a big blob with like half a dozen bullet points, so I don't have a final chapter count ready, but Chapter 20 is basically the start of the second half of the story. I originally thought the fic was gonna end at just about the New Year celebration, but it turns out his recovery is taking a lot longer than that, and his recovery isn't even the only one we're dealing with now, so I got ambitious. The premise also uh deserves a little more closure and resolution than that lol, so Arc 2 is gonna be a little higher stakes than we've had so far.

I'm so glad you're enjoying how I'm writing Xie Lian and his recovery! Haha I did research a variety of other conditions and disabilities and read accounts from people who have them, because that's just good research. Honestly, though, inspiration for the vast majority of Xie Lian's mental/emotional struggles have been sourced from firsthand experience :)

I'm mentally and physically disabled and have been my whole life, and I wasn't even diagnosed with anything (I was somehow just diagnosed with Teenager) until I hit rock bottom about it in adulthood. I've gotten to a better place with the mental stuff, but even though it's no longer an active threat to me, my bad days can still leave me nonverbal, disconnected from reality, and sometimes catatonic. The physical stuff has been getting worse over the years, and even though I can still walk independently with a cane when I leave the house (as long as I rest a lot), I still fall down just walking in my own home. I keep having to remember that my chronic pain and fatigue isn't normal, and I keep getting evidence that I'm worse than I thought. I've had to reorganize my life around all of it and I'm uh. Not taking it well lately lol.

So alasr is my self-therapy project. Xie Lian is going to get better and I'm not, and that still kind of pisses me off lol, but it's nice to vent and see someone else get a happy ending. So...yeah, at least writing alasr has helped distract me from my own pity party, and Xie Lian's anger, despair, guilt, and forced optimism are cathartic for me. It's not just about me, though; obviously I'm trying to stay in character for him and write in the context of his specific circumstances. But I guess I relate to sick fic stuff lol

Fully aware that that was a lot of oversharing 💜

But ANYWAY, AS FOR ✨ THOSE WORTHY OF FOLLOWING ✨ I'm so glad you're liking that one so far too!! I craaaaave protective badass Xie Lian and I needed a different brand of angst and drama from alasr for a while lol. I love writing violence tbh. I don't wanna spoil too much, but I definitely wanna confirm this:

TWOF is NOT a post-canon reincarnation fic. I'm personally not up for writing that kind of loss of all their canon experiences. And there are probably some really well-written takes on it! It's just not personally my speed. 😅 This one might seem like a post-canon reincarnation fic in the first couple chapters, but it'll make more sense soon.

It IS angst with a HAPPY ending, I promise!! What I'm planning right now gets really rather sad and it might seem hopeless at some point, but I promise, I'm confident in my plan to make it genuinely happy and fulfilling!

I'm exploring a trope about which I've had some general hangups, but I honestly enjoy taking tropes and tweaking them to my preferences. I think a lot of people can already guess what trope I'm talking about, which is fine with me! If it means the buildup and foreshadowing are working, I'm happy it fits!

What I'm panicking about with this wip is that I've convinced myself that I need to earn a doctorate in Tang Dynasty battle and siege tactics to write it credibly lmao. I spent three hours the other night researching ancient Chinese fire starters and the differences between Han and Tang era tea preparation (to little avail). This one is gonna take a lot of research for my own peace of mind but I hope it pays off!

Mu Qing and Feng Xin are gonna be okay!! Someone commented on ch2 that they liked that Mu Qing got hurt because they hate him and I'm like...I didn't think I'd framed that as a good thing..... 😅 That was something a Bad Guy did.......... 😅😅😅

Thank you so much for your kind comments and all of the fun engagement!! I'm truly so honored that you've enjoyed my writing so far! 💖💖💖

[webhead010]

⭑Liu Woods and DID⭑

Warnings: Sad conversation, kinda vent, talk about DID, fronting and alter, trauma, trauma response, headcannon;

Tags: DID system, alter, vent, disorder, comfort, creepypasta, credits of the art and gif: @greydrits, @cafekitsune ;

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ℋe was walking, tired, sad, lonely...

– Don't fool yourself, It was his fault. – Sully said. That "thing" Liu called it that way, didn't stop talking with him since that night, that fateful night where Liu lost his family, and his brother. It was always talking, always saying something, and sometimes, that "thing" controlled him, controlled his body, It was an identity, It was a person sharing a brain with him, and still they were in the same body.

– Please, i'm tired, I don't wanna talk right now... – Liu said in a melancholic way. He was on the woods, just walking with no specific destiny, when he finally stopped looking at the blank sky, closing his eyes for a moment.

– Y'know, If wasn't for him, we would be more happy

– He is my brother, our brother, Sully, and I love him

– I'm here because of that brother you love so much – Sully's phrase broked Liu for a moment, he wasn't lying, Sully just existed because of a trauma response, because of Jeff, Jeff was the trauma, and Liu's brain founded that way to take care of him, to make him alive, and now he was stuck with him, they were stuck together, and It wasn't like a family, It was lonely. Liu had an identity, Sully had other, they both shared some equal interests, but they fighted a lot because of their brother, Liu loved him, Sully hated him, and Liu had a lot of amnesia, he quickly forgot things, he dissociated, he had depersonalization, and It wasn't easy.

And the saddest part? He didn't knew how to find help, he didn't had nobody to help him, It was just him, and Sully.

The nice part? One of the things that calmed them down was their violin, a thing they both really loved, the sound of the violin, the song they could play, It was a wonderful experience. Liu smilled slightly thinking about the new songs that they learned on their violin, and started to walk again, now with a destiny, a beautiful destiny, Sully and Liu, Liu and Sully.

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Author's note: I had some DID symptons (I think It was because of my probably psychosis) these days ago and It was very lonely, I had nobody to talk about It, and today I thought about Liu and his DID that isn't very much talked about, I hope you guys have liked It! I hope you guys felt less lonely, know that you guys will alaways have someone with you, even if It's a voice on your head, don't hate on them, It was a way of your brain to try to help you to live.🤍🪽

And the little headcannon was about Liu playing violin, i'm pretty sure he loves It, Idk why, he looks like the type of guy to play violin to calm him down.

[gardeningforfun0714]

Hi everyone I’m sorry I haven’t updated as much as I planned, but I thought I’d share pics of how everything’s going in my garden (6/23/24)

The tomatoes have exploded and there’s lots of flowers. I’m hoping it’s not too hot and we actually get fruit this year (last year got so hot our tomatoes didn’t even flower during the normal growing season).

Next is the corn, which are also doing really well. It’s the sweet corn variety. Funny story, I planted the corn seeds without knowing you kind of need a lot to get a good crop because it’s wind pollinated. However, we have about 10 mature stalks and I’m hoping to get at least a small harvest. A few of the stalks are taller than me (5’3”/160cm) and one of the ears growing already has silk growing out of the ear.

Next are the cucumbers. One of the plants has a few eggs on the bottoms of the leaves so I used some Sevin dust. I’m hesitant to use neem oil because I’ve noticed lots of ladybugs in the garden and don’t wanna kill them.

The carrots are doing well after being transplanted. Unfortunately I don’t remember when I started the seeds so I’m not sure if they should be farther along by now (I believe I planted around late April/early May—late for seeds I know but I’ve got a long growing season and few frosts).

The various fruit trees/bushes/shrubs are doing well. Pictured are a thorny blackberry vine, an olive tree, a papaya tree, and a babcock peach tree. Everything is doing amazing. The blackberry is producing, the 4 peaches are growing and changing color while the olive, fig and papaya have been putting in some major growth/establishing.

Last is the melon patch. It’s also exploded and there are so many watermelons throughout the whole patch of varying sizes from bb-sized to the one pictured with my hand. I didn’t see any cantaloupe yet, but there’s lots of flowers. I haven’t actually gone into the patch due to how crowded it is (I’m hoping if we do get some we’d be able to see them when they get big enough). I’m estimating we have between 12-15 watermelon at least so far.

However, not everything is doing so well. The rabbits have been so destructive, they killed my producing pole bean, the peppers I transplanted into the ground and most of the radishes, leaving 2 left for us (I did start new seeds though because radishes are some of the quickest vegetables you can grow from seed to harvest).

For things I didn’t cover like the grapes, blueberries, raspberries, guava trees, the apple tree, the lemon tree, various flowers, onions, potatoes, and pineapples, they are all doing good as well. I also wanna add that I did start new bush beans/pole beans as well as various kinds of peppers (jalapeños, hot salsa blend peppers, golden bell peppers) in containers to make up for the ones that got chewed. Hopefully those will make a nice fall harvest. The potatoes are almost ready to be harvested and the blueberries and raspberries have had berries ripen one at a time due to how small they are (this is the first year for berries).

As for other things I have planned, I have a few art pieces I’d like to post if that’s something y’all are interested in. I also would love to talk about my experience with gardening and mental health but any and all posts related to that will be labeled with appropriate trigger warnings.

Thanks for all the support with likes/reblogs. Feel free to come lurk, talk, vent, ask, whatever. I just wanna inspire others that think they cannot grow things that they can. If you’d like to talk I mostly would like to talk about gardening/plants/mental health and how it impacts us as humans.

Happy growing🌱🌿💙

[moreespressoformydepresso]

Heyy, it’s been a couple of days since I’ve posted, even longer since I’ve been consistent. I would say I’ve been busy but that would be a lie because I haven’t actually had less time than usual to post. Truth is some stuff’s gone down, partially on this very platform, and it’s made it very hard to post. If you don’t want to read a kind of venty angsty personal post the TL;DR is I’ll get back to posting semi-regularly once I’ve dealt with some stuff but I promise it has nothing to do with the people who interact with my blog. You’re the highlight of my day even if it’s “just” a like and I’m sorry for the recent dip in posts.

I don’t wanna go into detail because surprise! I don’t actually like going out of my way to create drama with people and one person involved has essentially harassed me on every platform we share. That’s why I haven’t spoken about this before, and I’m only saying this now because I realized I’ve forgotten to respond to several reblogs and I don’t want anyone to feel like I’m ignoring them or abandoning this blog or anything. Basically, I feel bad about leaving without explanation and also I kind of want to vent? So without getting too specific: A close friendship recently died a slow, torturous death over several months, slowly getting worse until the other person threw me in the trash like I meant nothing. Then he came back two weeks later and tried to guilt trip me for being upset at him for how he treated me.

In that two week period some stuff went down on Tumblr here and well… there’s no way to sugarcoat this, so I’ll be blunt: it’s made me terrified to post anything on here. Every time I want to post something I feel sick to my stomach with dread because what if it’ll happen again? Or, alternatively, what if I’m next? And it sucks because I’m not even 100% sure it was aimed at me, but it lines up a little too perfectly and maybe I’m paranoid and it’s all on me but maybe it’s not and if that’s the case… I’d rather be wrong, for once, but the problem is that there’s no way to know for certain. I’ve been stewing in this weird, complicated mishmash of emotions and confusion and I honestly have no idea how to deal with it. I thought time would help, as it usually does, but clearly this is a special case.

Before anyone says it, yes. I’m aware that this is a subtweet, which is not a cool or nice thing to do unless it’s a joke between friends. That’s another thing that made me not want to post this. I hate being mean to people who aren’t mean to me first, and as I said I have no solid proof from a trustworthy source without ulterior motives that this had anything to do with me (which is what I usually use as my standard for when to start hitting back) but I just can’t seem to let it go. Every time I have an AU I wanna share I get this creeping, uncomfortable, clawing feeling crawling underneath my skin and tightening in my chest and I hate it. I hate it so much I cannot even describe it properly.

It makes me wanna scrape my skin off with sandpaper and scrub myself clean from the inside out with an iron sponge. I wanna claw my heart out of my chest and shake it until it stops feeling like this and the only comfort here is that I’ve found some fancy new descriptions to use in my writing. Speaking of: I’ll post on AO3 again soon, hopefully today or tomorrow, but just like with my blog I’m so drained of energy and I feel so nauseous about posting I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it again, which sucks because I love posting on all these platforms! It shouldn’t feel like a chore but it does now and I don’t know if there’s anything that’ll ever make it fully go away. It’s become more manageable, hence why I’m posting this, so I’m clinging to the hope it’ll all ebb away at some point. Until then though my posting schedule is gonna be even more inconsistent than it usually is, so I’m very sorry about that. Hope you all have a wonderful day and I’m sorry about the venty post I’ve subjected you to 😅

[upwards-descent]

I started writing a self-insert OC Venture Bros fic but idk if I'll finish it, however what I've got is too good not to share (spoilers for season 6 & 7)

"This... Is our new target. Or, I guess more like this is Venture's newest Guild mandated arch."

Henchman 21 leaned over the dining room table, shuffling the stack of papers around so he could read them better.

"Doctor Bedlam?" 21 hissed through his teeth, a sympathetic twist in his furrowed brows. "He's like. Y'know."

"What? Like what?" The Monarch demanded. He had one fist propped up on his cocked hip, the other spread flat across the table. It was still a bit funny to see him in both his cowl and a silk robe. "You chickening out on me now, huh?"

"No, no, no, no," 21 shook his head emphatically. "I just think we should exercise some uh... Extra level of caution."

"Is there something I'm missing here?" The Monarch held up their target's picture. "Are you really that afraid of this fucking... Tony Stark/Slumdog Millionaire lookin' motherfucker?"

"The only reason why Doctor Bedlam isn't a 10 is he doesn't actively kill," 21 crossed his arms, one brow quirked. "Imagine a beast like Red Death but sub the bloodlust for, like, literal clinical psychopathy. You wanna act casual about that?"

"Really?" The Monarch looked at the picture again, pursing his lips in thought. "This guy? He looks like one of those cringey pick-up artists but he only goes after yacht club college girls."

Henchman 21 simply shrugged.

"I'm only speakin' the facts, boss. Don't underestimate this guy."

"Feh," The Monarch flapped his hand and let the sheet of paper flutter back down onto the table, already distracted by an exploration of the fridge. "Nothing the mighty Blue Morpho and his trusty Kano can't handle. We'll suit up after breakfast."

🦋🦋🦋

The Monarch-- or rather, Blue Morpho whistled in appreciation once he and 'Kano' were dropped off by taxi at their location. 

"Damn, nice digs," The Monarch mumbled. "What floor is this guy on again?"

"Penthouse suite," Henchman 21 double-checked his notes before folding up the paper into a tiny square and tucking it in his pocket. "Top floor, baby. This guy's an arms dealer, he's like rich rich."

"Like Batman rich or like...?"

"I've heard rumors he's like Oprah rich."

"Daaamn."

Shockingly, the duo got into the building with no issue. Strange. The security seemed non-existent, the only visible employee being some older guy snoring at the front desk. They slipped into the elevator but when The Monarch reached for the penthouse button, 21 superceded him, obscuring it with a cupped palm.

"We'll take the floor below then climb the stairs to the roof," He encouraged, thumbing the 29th floor instead. "Who knows what kinda shit he's got waiting for us at the door."

"I still think you're overreacting," The Monarch rolled his eyes but didn't fight back, leaning against the wall as the elevator ascended. "Why the hell would the Guild assign such a supposed level 11 badass to a shmuck like Venture?"

"No clue," 21 frowned for a moment. "It's not like Dr. Venture goes out and does superhero work, he's kind of a shut-in."

"Yeah," The Monarch snickered. "He doesn't save cats in trees or kiss babies or whatever. Sometimes he's almost as much a villain as I am. Did you know he powered one of his inventions with a fucking dead orphan kid once?"

"Fucked up but also hardcore."

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. Just across the hall was the emergency exit and, once again, the pair slipped out and up with no issues whatsoever. After a brief climb, they were on the roof and overlooking the rest of New York City from a bird's eye view.

"Alright, here's a vent we can enter through," 21 grunted with effort as one of his knives popped open the grate. "This should hopefully take us to the living room but we'll take it nice and slow."

"Move over," The Monarch barked, easily tucking both long legs into the vent, using a swift rush of momentum to zoom in like a slide. "And have more confidence in your leader!"

Crawling on hands and knees, they managed to move rather quietly, pausing over every subsequent grate to peek down and do some reconnaissance. There were exits into a master bathroom, the living room, the kitchen, and what looked like a study. It was too dark to tell but that seemed advantageous so 21 silently lifted the grate and the pair soundlessly hit the floor on two feet.

[daenysx]

hi lovely

So feel free to ignore this if you do not have the mental capacity for it, i just really need to vent but I will understand if you don’t have it in you rn to listen to someone else’s problems.

long story short, i am scared ALL the time, not in a oop im scared of the dark ( i am) way, but more of i am terrified of the endless possibilities of danger, which isnt sensible cause yes there is always possibility for danger but it isnt always just LOOMING you know?

But my mind thinks otherwise and i already have anxiety so a reallu NICE combo yk

I just feel so terrified its actually interfering with my life, everything i do is accompanied by endless thoughts my mind does not take a break im so exhausted, genuinely my thoughts are always racing and im always getting thoughts like okay if i dont leave this light on then something terrible will happen or if i dont idk tidy up the couch then something terrible will happen and like? How am I supposed to live like that? Im so so drained i feel plagued by fear and i do not know what to do , ignorance could really REALLY be a blessing but sadly im someone who’s just too aware , of everything that could go wrong, of everything happening in the world, of every mistake i made and i just wanna crawl in a corner and cry my eyes dry

I think im done

If you made it this far, again im so so sorry if this is too heavy i do not wish to burden you but you make my days better and my mind goes quiet when im on here, i hope you have a spectacular day my love <3333

hi my love!! there's absolutely nothing wrong with sharing what's in your mind with me, please feel free to reach whenever you want. i know these experiences are different for each person and maybe i'm not qualified to offer you solutions but i can always listen

i definitely understand what you mean, maybe you know this because i sometimes share a few things about myself here, most of the time i live alone at another city i study in and i'm away from everyone in my family. i only have friends there but they mostly stay in dormitory so we don't live in close distance. living alone definitely doesn't help with these kind of fears because there's no one else to reach out when something urgent happens, so there's always this part of my brain that keeps telling me to take care of everything and prevent any danger

now i know what i'm talking about is a bit different than your situation but this is my experience with the obligation of being aware of everything i do. and of course it's hard to keep things quiet sometimes, so i understand what it feels like to not being able to shut your brain up sometimes.

at first it was hard for me to trust in what i do, or you know just counting on the ways the world works. but days passed and i saw i can actually take care of myself. and being in control felt good. it's my choice to study there and i can actually do it. this made everything better. i believe every situation is different for every person, this why i also believe your solution can come to you in time. i think it's normal for these things to take lots of time for you to get better and learn how to let go of your fears. maybe it can be a good idea to ask for help from a therapist. i know it's hard to ask for help and i definitely struggle with that but sometimes you don't have to fix everything by yourself and it's okay to reach out.

i know i wrote too much but this was my experience and maybe reading this can help you with yours. please don't hesitate to text me whenever you want, i've been told i'm a good listener<33333

[rockybloo]

Serious Rocky Talk Time

I've mentioned this before on Twitter but in all honesty I should actually talk about it here. And that topic is basically people possibly forgetting I'm just some random person on the internet? Like, I'm not a professional, I'm just sharing my OCs and stories on the internet almost as sort of a spot to archive them???

I appreciate all the kind words and people that enjoy my stuff-SINCERELY I do. But I also want to nip in the butt the potential for people to basically form what the kids are callin' a "Parasocial relationship" these days.

Sometimes, people get overly familiar with me because I've responded nicely to them (because I try to keep things nice online). Or I've notice there's been times I've rejected something or posted a boundary in relation to something a person might have recently said or asked. And it's nothing personal...like ever. But people will suddenly apologize profusely because they think I'm mad?

Like-I do not post when I am genuinely angry. That is a recipe for disaster on the internet. Same for when I'm sad. I grew up on the internet and have done my good bit of vent art and journaling during my early years over on Deviantart. I dropped the practice getting older because sharing my personal emotions on the web to a bunch of what are basically strangers weirds me out now.

Me turning something down or posting a boundary is for my own comfort. Because I dislike being uncomfortable to please others. And I know for a fact not everyone reads everything I post. Or sometimes I just forget to post something important just like recently with the "Please do not suggest things" post. Because I sincerely forgot "Oh yeah, more people are following me so I should probably share this since many do not know"

In relation to the whole "no parasocial relationship thing", I'll repeat that I'd prefer not to be private messaged unless we're mutuals. I don't feel comfortable in a small chat with one other person I am not familiar with. This is in no way meant to be me assuming you guys are weirdos or anything negative-it just comes from past experiences of growing up online where I've forced myself to be ok with private messaging and have felt HORRIBLY uncomfortable to entire time.

I know I've stated this before and I know people will still continue to private message me even after this post but I will continue to not respond to said messages. I know it'll come off mean and rude but I prefer more public conversations with followers.

Once again, I share my boundaries so I can be more comfortable while telling stories. And I know some will read this and still think "OH ROCKY IS MAD" but I'm not.

I just know there's a ton of new people around here now and I haven't spoken up much about things I'm okay with.

And if for some reason, any of the things I've said make you go "Oh ew, I don't wanna follow Rocky anymore they seem strict" then you are completely free to do so. My feeling won't be hurt. I just don't like being stepped all over just to seem nicer. I'll continue to share boundaries if something pops up that weirds me out or if I forget one just so people know.

I'd rather someone know what I dislike than never speaking and being too uncomfortable to post anything anymore.

[ezra-iolite]

Some OC Facts to Fill the Void...

.... Still figuring out if I wanna give Swift a new bio or not, so have this for now.....

A list of what Swift would be like with the other Transformer OCs of my mutuals~

Swift with Starhawk, on the Lost Light: (@dimorphodon-x)

.... Siblings. They got that sibling vibe, for sure~ ~*~

Her nickname for him is Hawkie or Ndugu (Swahili word for Brother) ~*~

When they first met, her first impression on him was... memorable, to say the least. She joined at the start of the quest to Cyberutopia, and when she entered the bar for the first time and was about to greet Hawk.... She immediately tripped on the much shorter Rewind and fell face first, Blitzø from Helluva Boss style, right in front of him. Never one to feel ashamed for such things, Swift simply laughed and rolled over onto her back, apologizing to Rewind.... before simply offering her hand to Hawk from the floor and introduced herself in a playful tone, "Nice to meet you, darling. I'm Swiftwire, but people call me Swift.... The floor is surprisingly comfy." ~*~ But in due time, after a few shared drinks with him and exchanging trauma stories, she'd see him as a big brother she loves to annoy... But she would 100% protect him from harm and be there for him when he needs her, especially as a babysitter. ~*~

Her main expression around him is a smug grin... She definitely pranked him somehow. He doesn't know what it is yet, but he always knows she did something. It's ALWAYS something with her~ ~*~

Swift's accent is something Hawk would definitely try to tease her on the most, for the first half of their prank wars~ Purely because her Kenyan accent makes her pronounce Rodimus as "Roddy-Moose" with a rolled R, and Starhawk's own name as "Star-Huckoo". And thus, the nicknames began... with Rodimus becoming Roddie and Starhawk being Hawkie. ~*~

Is Rodimus innocent in their pranks? Naaahhh~ He's the one who plotted half of them, at least, allowing Swift to carry them out in his stead, when captaining takes up most of his time. But the pranks are never big or humiliating, only silly~ ~*~

The common types of pranks she'd most likely pull would be to put big chunky eyebrows on his baby/babies or dress them up in funny costumes to surprise him, jumpscare him by popping out from the vents above his head and dangle from her dreadlocks Spiderman style, or switch his drinking glass with an empty one to make him think he drank too much without realizing it.... like stealing a toy from a dog without them noticing~ She mostly loves to confuse him. ~*~

Thunderclash is the mediator to Swift and Rodimus's pranks. He makes sure they don't give poor Hawk a heart/spark attack, and he mostly does this by plucking Swift out of the vents or holding her up like a cat in air prison to carry her away and scold her. Megatron is the main one to do this when Thunderclash isn't around. He is immune to her pranks towards him, when Swift wishes to make Hawk laugh.... since she knows her pranks towards Megatron always end in a chase or her being plucked and tossed out of a room~ ~*~

The moment Swift hears an inkling about children, she'll be giddy and eager to provide her services and aid to Hawk and the papa trio. If she meets Elbent and Verglaust in this AU with their own kids, Ferrous and Indicolite, then Swift would definitely be taking notes on how to be a Mom and Aunty from both families and eagerly offering to be a babysitter to ALL the kids~ She's surprisingly good at managing a whole hoard of them, and thus would easily become the Lost Light's daycare person.... ESPECIALLY after having her own daughter, Sira. ~*~

Speaking of Sira.... Since Swift would technically die for a short while after the birth, I have a feeling she would have Sira after the birth of Flareblaze, once she's gotten to know the full depth of child rearing from Novabird's experience and getting to babysit him. The day that happens, and Swift dies from the pregnancy becoming ectopic but allowing Sira to be delivered safely at the cost of her voice.... Yeeaaaahhh Hawk gonna be traumatized seeing Swift all bloody and grey, only to come back after being patched up and healing a bit. But...... If Cybertronian births occur through the spark chamber.... This would be the day Swift's secret about her spark would be revealed~ And here, if Hawk was present or came after the birth of Sira.... He would see Asya's brutally destroyed corpse within Swift's spark, the only true sign to show that Swift is dangling between the edge of life and death. ~*~

And finally.... If Swift was around after Hawk's death, she would be there to help raise the kids as a supportive family friend, or Auntie/Shangazi Swifty to the kids. But because of her past brushes with death, Swift would DEFINTELY have a weak but consistent ability to sense Hawk's ghost~ She would mourn him massively and paint her plating white (the colour of mourning in most African cultures) for a full month. In turn, Swift would happily babysit little Nova, and through the constant presence of being there for the family, she'd be able to tell where Hawk was.... And perhaps see him like a flickering shadow when he interacts with objects. Due to this, she would keep it a secret and subtly help him out using her dreadlocks when anyone is around, until either Hawk assures her that it's ok to know his secret, or Thunderclash tells her himself. ~*~ In turn...... Hawk would most likely be able to see a small, lingering light in her chest constantly only after his death, like a ghostly presence that embodies Swift's spark. This white light would flicker weakly like a star in the distant night sky, but would grow brighter subtly when Swift becomes nostalgic of her human past or is encouraged to teach the kids or anyone about her culture and mother tongue of Swahili. And should Hawk ever touch this light....... He would experience a very quick but brief flash of her memories as a child, of her time spent with her mother Gasira. All Hawk would see is her mother's face, maybe a whisper of her gentle voice praising her and calling her "my darling rose", before he'd jolt back into the present.... Both him and Swift shivering from the sudden chill up their spines. She'd have some trouble explaining THAT to Rodimus~

................. Will update when the brain decides to brain properly... For now, THIS is what I mean by Swift falling when meeting Hawk:

Just immediately.... plops. XD

[borathae]

hey, I just wanted to share something, so last year I met this guy in feb vibes matched but I still wasn’t talking that much too him something happened in my family and I vented to that guy he hears me out, I was really attracted to him he’s a really soft spoken person somehow towards the end of March I confess that I like him and he said he likes me too. It was really nice for few months (this is my first time dating) but after that he would snap at me and judge me because someone told him that I flirted with a guy, yes I did but at that time I didn’t even knew him, I flirted when I was single and didn’t even knew he existed, I’m a very loyal person heck I was loyal to my crushes too. He would say how he wouldn’t have dated me if he knew I’m like this & all. I was really disheartened because this is the first time I open up to someone and this happens but I still would move on from that and start behaving normally then he would often mention I’m younger than him so I won’t get it (I’m 2 years younger than him) he would tell our group friend That no we aren’t dating that we’re just friends he started hiding stuff from me, he didn’t cheat but why would he tell that other girl everything but not to me I was done with this I felt like a burden. so one day he texts me and he started questioning me for ignorance meanwhile he’s the one who was ignoring me so I said that may be we should have stayed friends he panicked started pleading please give me an chance but I didn’t want to because along the way i realised I may have still adored him but I don’t wanna be any sort of romantic relationship with anyone, I didn’t trust him. So now he came back again in January and goes he wanna try again and all I said no, I feel like such a bitch, maybe I’m at the fault too but am I wrong for wanting to be at peace?

I’m sorry for ranting here but I feel like my best friend is biased she supports me through every decision

Nah you did the right thing. Don't date this man or let him back into your life even as friends. The moment you told me he got jealous over you flirting with people when you WERE SINGLE I knew it could only go downhill from there and how fucking right I was. He sounds fucking weird and as if he has tendencies to gaslight. Stay away from him. That's my advice. He ain't good news and you deserve better and you'll be a lot better off without someone like him in your life.

[kajinovaa]

i need some space to vent bark just for a lil tiny bit and yall can completely ignore the shit outta this if you want. im gonna just do a tinsy bit of journaling like my tarot cards suggested. nothing super drastic happened, nor is it aimed at anyone in particular, and no– iM NOT GOING ANYWHERE BDKBDNDDNDJND

--------------------------------------------

its just late night thoughts. thoughts that kinda got nudged to life over a very small encounter, but its done its job properly by reminding me of something i feel like i need to ingrain into my head. a lesson i havent yet processed properly hard enough for it to feel like its fully a part of me

i got reminded of the absolute bs ive gone through in my life, shit thats so unbelieveably unacceptable but i stayed with it cuz it was mostly a part of autistic masking but also cuz i had a big heart that i wore constantly on my sleeve. greatest lesson ive learnt.

ive bowed and bent over backwards for all the people ive met in my life, and now im coming to the deep realization that i dont have to give a single fuck? like i dont need to care so much about other people's emotions/feelings when i never gave mine proper nuturing??? its so fucking frustrating that its gotten like this and i wish i couldve told my younger and more naïve self that its 100000% okay to be selfish for once??????? i wanna fucking swing at something so bad over this but yknow what? im just gonna have fun instead

so fuck expectations, fuck standards, fuck tryna sound nice— im tired. im infuriated and exhausted. ive been tryna act fair when in actuality that was the biggest mistake of my life. like, the stars gave me strength on my day of birth. the legends sing of destined power like im supposed to express with and yet here ive always been, getting drowned out by other people's priorities and cleaning up after their messes. this debilitating path of being submissive for others isnt the shit for me. it never was in the first place, so im done. im done being nice for the sake of being nice.

dont like that aint giving you attention? not my issue. dont like that im elsewhere and you cant keep up? learn how to walk then cuz i aint holding your hand. dont like that im not sharing my happiness with you? it was never meant for you to have in the first place.

i started my saturn return this year, bday happened several days ago, im only just feeling the brunt of the energies right now. i wanna fuck around, have my chaotic runs and be cringe but free dating my fictional bfs

please stop thinking im the same person i was years ago cuz im not. im the monster you feared you didnt have come across and learn how fast you can get piledrived the moment i deem you useless in my life. sorry but not sorry, its for your own good. somethings in life you were never meant to walk alongside with. i still wanna thank you for being another cobblestone in my path.

goodbye, past life. it was a good run while i still had the tolerance for that hot mess of growth. its my turn to be selfish for once

[ask-karlachbear]

Hey- just need a friend and thought you seem nice enough.

It was a long very hard day and I had to do something that felt bad but that everyone said was the right thing and no one I know is impartial and im processing still. I hope your day has been much better than mine.

Genuinely hope you’ve had a good day.

And maybe you’re open to mundanely sharing about your day?

Im craving being talked to like a person and not have it be about “the problem” from today. Not that it’s your problem or that you have any obligation to respond whatsoever and it’s totally ok if you don’t want to chat with someone down in the dumps right now. You have no responsibility to me and respect the hell out of that.

But if you are open to just boring small talk - or not boring- I would like that

Best

First of all, nice to meet you!

Do you wanna talk about what happened, maybe having the insight of someone that doesn't have a bias on the situation, might help you figure out how you feel.. of course you don't have to feel pressured to talk about it if you don't want.

Of course I am up for sharing my day with you, and we can talk about whatever you want, whether you wanna vent, or you wanna share a funny joke, or just talk about your interests, this is a safe space for you to do so..- and so is my non rp acc @lynnlovesthestars where im always up for a chat as well- so since u are open to small talk too..

let me start, how was your day?:)

-K&L

[the1975attheirverybest]

I’m not gonna lie, these past few months I’ve been really questioning my love for the band. I say that meaning as a black woman a lot of the shit that’s been going around is just kind of hard to hear whether it’s true or not. And I don’t really know what to believe lol. I love the band so much but I can’t tell if my hesitation to accept is truly because I don’t believe he could do that or if it’s just like obsession on my part. I don’t know if any of that made sense. I just feel iffy about everything right now

Disclaimer: this is gonna be long. Sorry if you were just looking to vent and I made it into a whole thing. Won’t be offended if you just….ignored lmao.

Hey, babe. I’m sorry to hear that it’s been rough for you. Sending you hugs.

I know how you feel, or at least, I empathize because I went through something similar way back when the podcast was originally released. In Feb? March? Something like that. Like way before the Taylor stuff and way before tabloids and all that.

When that happened, I was talking about the podcast with someone on Reddit and they mentioned Matty’s “Islamophobia” and how as a Muslim I shouldn’t support him. And, my gut instinct was to be like “you have no idea what you’re talking about.” But the comment lingered in the back of my head for a long time. I’m not saying that your experience is the same and I don’t mean to reduce your identity to simply “marginalized” in the name of intersectionality or the common grounds that you and I might share. Being a black woman is different. I’m middle eastern and a hijab wearer (though I don’t feel comfortable saying I’m ‘white’ when my ‘whiteness’ was only decided on by the courts in 1972 cuz they didn’t want to admit that Jesus isn’t white but that’s a whole other issue lmao). But I will share what my experience has been in case there’s anything of value in it for you.

Like I said, the comment lingered with me for a while. I’m a literature and philosophy double major, and as FUCKIN pretentious as that is (seriously, super pretentious) I pride myself on sharp judgement. So, even if I weren’t Muslim, id still be shaken by such comments. And the accusations of him being queer-phobic or racist or sexist also made me feel shaken. I’d be ashamed of myself if a simple celebrity-fan relationship with a straight white dude prevented me from using all the training I learned at school to make the right judgement simply cuz he has nice hair or whatever, you know? it was a jarring moment. Like would I really wanna be complicit in my own oppression like that?

So, I decided to sit with it for a few weeks and think about it. Do my own “research” and look at interviews and online posts and stage performances where he’s done the things that people have accused him of doing. Hear arguments from both sides, then see how I feel after all that.

Here is the conclusion that I came to. Matty has certain blind spots due to his privilege. Not in a standard “he’s a cis het white guy in his 30s so he’s obviously privileged.” That’s true but that’s not it. I think with him it’s kinda more specific. For example, in the GQ 40+ minute video interview where he was praised for not being hyper masculine and being comfortable with wearing skirts and stuff, the interviewer followed her praise up with “don’t you think it’s hard being a man these days with all these conflicting ideas about masculinity” And he said “well, hold on a minute, isn’t it hard being a woman? I’m just thinking out loud here isn’t it hard being a human ?”

i see where he was going with this but I disagree pretty strongly. Even if you piece it together with stuff he has said in other interviews. Like in the Ion Pack Podcast. On the topic of masculinity he said “I’m not trying to make a political statement about gender when I wear skirts or dresses. Fuckin hate that the media writes about it that way. Like have you seen any musician ever??? It’s all been done before. You could make a coffee table book out of rock and roll artists wearing women’s clothing. Especially when you think about people who lived in New York (the pod was recorded in New York so I think that’s why he said that) at the time. And who WERE gay and who WERE black. And they were true outcasts and died for it. And you wanna give me credit? I hate that.” So the hosts were talking about how that political or whatever so, later on in the pod he said “I’m not seeing it from a right wing or leftist stand point. It’s not women’s rights or black rights or gay rights. To me, it’s humanity. Were all human beings shouldn’t we all be equal? Shouldn’t equality be something we all want?”

Do you see why I’m saying he’s privileged? Only a privileged person would say that. Like, he says these things because he was lucky enough to grow up in a pretty well to do upper middle class family and has always talked about how his parents had black friends and queer friends and he would see two men kissing on his living room couch when he was young and never bat an eye so he didn’t know it was “controversial” until he grew up and stuff. “I just keep thinking ‘who cares? But it turns out people do care.”

And he always says “artists signpost towards utopia.” Which is his goal I suppose. So it’s easy for him to say it’s not about black or white. Man or woman etc. and yeah as humans there are common grounds. sure masculinity is a struggle these days but ITS A DIFFERENT KIND OF STRUGGLE from femininity and womanhood. So let’s not equate them or say that they’re similar. That’s kinda reductive. I appreciate the sentiment that we should be motivated by universal humanity, but I don’t think that’s enough. You know? Those are separate problems that require separate solutions. Yes they overlap. Yes there’s a common ground here (white supremacy and patriarchy) that oppress us all, but acknowledging difference (gender, racial, social, sexual etc) is ESSENTIAL, in my view. Maybe it’s not in his view. In any case, I believe that’s why he does / says what he does.

Same with the nepo baby thing. I see where he’s coming from but I disagree strongly with him. He’s never worked a real job or had to struggle with money so he doesn’t get it. He’s gotta learn that most humans realities aren’t the same as his. He got really lucky. He gets that in the most basic/ obvious sense. Like sometimes he’ll say “as an English white guy who am I to talk about this” or “yeah Britain colonized the whole world but I’m not speaking as a British guy just as a human being.” But I think the subtler more implicit ways that his privilege has affected his worldview aren’t always clear to him.

But does all that mean that he’s secretly racist, bigoted, sexist, etc and he “showed his true colors” on that pod? In my view: no. If he were secretly bigoted, why would he go out of his way to make songs like JC2005, Loving Someone, People, Love It If We Made It, Looking For Somebody (to love) etc. ? Why would he stand at the Brits and use his speech time to read an excerpt from a woman’s article about how sexist the industry is? Why would he go out of his way to talk IN ALABAMA about the abortion ban at the time? Does this seem like a bigoted person’s behavior? He’s repeatedly rejected opportunities to go mainstream and make a shit ton of money precisely BECAUSE going mainstream would mean that he wouldn’t be able to do that sort of thing. He doesn’t have a publicist or an executive board at DH for a reason. As an artist, he sees that his work is influenced by the world around him so he can’t separate between the two and not feel like part of the problem. Like he criticized Imagine Dragons for that. He even criticized Taylor Swift for her 2019 marketing of Lover. This is the woman that he’s supposedly been in love with for a while.

I think those things are a better representation of who Matty truly is. He’s not perfect. Even his utopian thinking about equality is flawed in itself. But he’s a human being doing his best to be part of the solution and to honor the responsibility that comes with his platform. He’s seeing a problem in society and thinking what his role as an artist is and what he can do to help fix it.

He fucks up sometimes. And sometimes he knows he’s fucked up and tries to deal with it. Other times he needs it pointed out to him cuz of his blind spots. But more often than not he gets it right. And he’s not entirely wrong about how wokeness has become performative, either. Lol. We do need a better system. But his alternative of like transcending our differences and moving into universal humanity isn’t super helpful as a basis. It might be appropriate SOMETIMES. It’s certainly true that bigotry dehumanizes its victims. Treating marginalized people as less than is what enables bigots to do what they do. If white supremacists thought of us as their equals they wouldn’t be able to hold the belief that they are better than most of the rest of the world lol. So, the reminder that “we’re all human” or as he would put it “we’re all human we’re just like you man.” Etc. is nice. Like yeah ok But not as a blanket approach. That’s the place from which Matty operates and maybe he has a tendency to think that because common humanity is so obvious and everyone agrees with it, then surely everyone understands he’s doing what he does in good faith?

That, in my view, is the extent of his problem. He’s not the vile, “rancid” or whatever else the haters in my askbox and mentions and hashtags have been saying he is. Show me a white artist who GENUINELY puts his money where his mouth is when it comes to this stuff more than Matty. He’s a good person and his intentions are noble. His way of going about it though….needs some repairs. In short, he’s a smart person. He’s aware of how oppressive the world around him is. He’s trying to do something about it. But he fucks up. A lot of what he’s trying to stand up for isn’t his own experience. And sometimes he fails to see the limitations of his view cuz of course he does.

If none of that his helpful to you, you can always remove Matty from the experience of the music. I think Harry Potter fans have done a pretty good job of that. They won’t stand for J K Rowling’s bigotry, but the franchise is such a big part of them that they’ve separated the two. Won’t even watch the remake cuz she stands to profit from it. They made their own fandom that has nothing to do with her and sometimes is actively against her when appropriate. You could adopt the same approach if you love the music and it means so much to you.

Or you could just throw it all away if it causes you too much stress. I would say follow your gut. Your heart and your brain might sometimes not be accurate. Your gut will always be right. If it just doesn’t feel right to you/ doesn’t square with who you are, then to hell with it.

From one “minority” fan to another, I’m not black. I don’t know what it’s like to be black and I never will. But I wholeheartedly believe that you’re valued in the fandom and loved and you make it better by being in it. So, I’m sending you my love and I’m always here for you. That’s all. 💗