#I see the copyright has a name thingy

[friedfriedchicken]

A CHINESE SITE LEAKED A PERSONA 5 MOBILE GAME LET'S GOOOOOOO

NO CLUE WHO THE OWL IS BUT HE'S IMPORTANT TO ME ALREADY

[ai-art-thieves]

It's Time To Investigate SevenArt.ai

sevenart.ai is a website that uses ai to generate images.

Except, that's not all it can do.

It can also overlay ai filters onto images to create the illusion that the algorithm created these images.

And its primary image source is Tumblr.

It scrapes through the site for recent images that are at least 10 days old and has some notes attached to it, as well as copying the tags to make the unsuspecting user think that the post was from a genuine user.

No image is safe. Art, photography, screenshots, you name it.

Initially I thought that these are bots that just repost images from their site as well as bastardizations of pictures across tumblr, until a user by the name of @nataliedecorsair discovered that these "bots" can also block users and restrict replies.

Not only that, but these bots do not procreate and multiply like most bots do. Or at least, they have.

The following are the list of bots that have been found on this very site. Brace yourself. It's gonna be a long one:

@giannaaziz1998blog

@kennedyvietor1978blog

@nikb0mh6bl

@z4uu8shm37

@xguniedhmn

@katherinrubino1958blog

@3neonnightlifenostalgiablog

@cyberneticcreations58blog

@neomasteinbrink1971blog

@etharetherford1958blog

@punxajfqz1

@camicranfill1967blog

@1stellarluminousechoblog

@whwsd1wrof

@bnlvi0rsmj

@steampunkstarshipsafari90blog

@surrealistictechtales17blog

@2steampunksavvysiren37blog

@krispycrowntree

@voucwjryey

@luciaaleem1961blog

@qcmpdwv9ts

@2mplexltw6

@sz1uwxthzi

@laurenesmock1972blog

@rosalinetritsch1992blog

@chereesteinkirchner1950blog

@malindamadaras1996blog

@1cyberneticdreamscapehubblog

@neomasteinbrink1971blog

@neonfuturecityblog

@olindagunner1986blog

@neonnomadnirvanablog

@digitalcyborgquestblog

@freespiritfusionblog

@piacarriveau1990blog

@3technoartisticvisionsblog

@wanderlustwineblissblog

@oyqjfwb9nz

@maryannamarkus1983blog

@lashelldowhower2000blog

@ovibigrqrw

@3neonnightlifenostalgiablog

@ywldujyr6b

@giannaaziz1998blog

@yudacquel1961blog

@neotechcreationsblog

@wildernesswonderquest87blog

@cybertroncosmicflow93blog

@emeldaplessner1996blog

@neuralnetworkgallery78blog

@dunstanrohrich1957blog

@juanitazunino1965blog

@natoshaereaux1970blog

@aienhancedaestheticsblog

@techtrendytreks48blog

@cgvlrktikf

@digitaldimensiondioramablog

@pixelpaintedpanorama91blog

@futuristiccowboyshark

@digitaldreamscapevisionsblog

@janishoppin1950blog

The oldest ones have been created in March, started scraping in June/July, and later additions to the family have been created in July.

So, I have come to the conclusion that these accounts might be run by a combination of bot and human. Cyborg, if you will.

But it still doesn't answer my main question:

Who is running the whole operation?

The site itself gave us zero answers to work with.

No copyright, no link to the engine where the site is being used on, except for the sign in thingy (which I did.)

I gave the site a fake email and a shitty password.

Turns out it doesn't function like most sites that ask for an email and password.

Didn't check the burner email, the password isn't fully dotted and available for the whole world to see, and, and this is the important thing...

My browser didn't detect that this was an email and password thingy.

And there was no log off feature.

This could mean two things.

Either we have a site that doesn't have a functioning email and password database, or that we have a bunch of gullible people throwing their email and password in for people to potentially steal.

I can't confirm or deny these facts, because, again, the site has little to work with.

The code? Generic as all hell.

Tried searching for more information about this site, like the server it's on, or who owned the site, or something. ANYTHING.

Multiple sites pulled me in different directions. One site said it originates in Iceland. Others say its in California or Canada.

Luckily, the server it used was the same. Its powered by Cloudflare.

Unfortunately, I have no idea what to do with any of this information.

If you have any further information about this site, let me know.

Until there is a clear answer, we need to keep doing what we are doing.

Spread the word and report about these cretins.

If they want attention, then they are gonna get the worst attention.

[themuffin2649]

👁️ Forgotten ✏️

MC gets suspicious

—————

Wait, this was impossible! He can’t just Not exist. Yesterday he was pestering him, wanting to be his whole world, now he’s just gone…

I tried reloading the page again and again, but still no trace of Vincent, in fact, his parents never had any children.

Maybe they hated him so much, they removed him from the page (a very cruel thing to do)

I searched through Google again about his family, from old news articles, to even sketchy gossip sites trying to pin some dirt on their name.

Nothing.

This has to be a game mechanic thingy, he can’t just blip out of existence, the game is already a published and copyrighted story! Even if the creator erased him from the game, people still have copies with him as a love interest!

But then, why doesn’t my Brother, and especially Leon, not remember him?

“What is going on?!”

I pulled up my phone to try to contact Vincent about this, only to realize that the contact was gone.

“The hell? There’s no way.”

Nothing was making sense, the whole world treated him as if he never existed, but why was he the only one who remembers? What made him special?

Maybe it’s because I was transported into this world, so I’m not affected by whatever supernatural magic poofed him out of everyone’s memories.

I tried remembering what he looked like, but for some reason, the more I try to remember the details of his face, the more it hurts.

“Ahh! What the?!”

Wait, why does it hurt to remember him? It wasn’t like this before! No no no! I can’t forget him! This whole disappearance spell could affect me too!

I rushed over to my desk, grabbed my pencil, some colored pencils, the nearest sheet of paper, and started drawing. I recollect every feature that I could bear to remember, his red heart eyes, strong chin, ponytail, roses, and…..

“Dammit Vincent, why does your hair have to be so damn hard to draw?!”

After nearly bursting an artery in my brain, I finally got the hair to not look like a sewer rat covered in ketchup.

If Vincent were to somehow see my drawing of him, I bet he would blip back into exsistence just to kill me for slandering his image.

“I hope this helps me remember. Sigh, if only I had a reference somewhere, then he’d be more recognizable. It’s like drawing somebody from a dream…”

I looked at my phone again before shrinking into my seat, it was already 3 AM. How long was I researching and drawing?!

“Ugh, waking up tomorrow is going to SUCK! I just know it.”

I sigh as I turn off the computer and head to bed, hopefully a full cup of coffee tomorrow would keep me awake.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Huh?! Didn’t I JUST lay down to go to bed?

As I got up and rubbed my eyes, my brother comes into my room.

“C’mon, I’m making sure we’re not late aga-Woah! What happened to you?!”

yawn “what do you mean little bro?”

“You look like a zombie, no offense, did you even get any sleep last night?”

“Umm, yeah, I think…” I said, rubbing the crusts of my eyes and getting up. Unfortunately, one of these crusts got in my eye, causing me to run to the bathroom to rinse it out.

Before Newt could rush to see if his brother was alright, he looked at the strange drawing on his desk for a moment, then left the room.

“Big Bro, are you alright?”

“Just caught something in my eye, I’m alright. I’ll get some coffee on the way to school.”

As soon as I finished washing my face, I looked in the mirror to see that the eye was still a bit red.

My brother, of course, wasn’t satisfied with my behavior.

“Tomorrow’s the weekend, Promise Me! That you’re going to take the time to rest. Even Leon is getting concerned over the bags under your eyes.”

“Wuh… how did you know that?”

“He told me.”

“Ok… so maybe I’ve lost some hours of sleep, but I need it to make up the homework.”

“Since when have you struggled at homework?”

I’m REALLY starting to Hate this Protagonist now!

“It’s, Nevermind, let’s not be late for school today.”

My brother opens his mouth to say something before closing it and huffing.

As usual, we meet Leon and head to school by train. However, I can’t help but notice my brother give glances at me, probably in dissapointment at the fact that I keep destroying my (his brother’s) sleep schedule.

“Hey! You look pretty tired today.”

“Oh, yeah…”

“Please have get some rest over the weekend, it’s very unhealthy to be sleep deprived, it’s just as unhealthy as smoking.”

“I will, I just need to attend classes for one more day.”

“Ok…”

Aww, now I feel bad, he looks so concerned, they both do.

“Actually, I could take a nap right now. Can you look after me?”

“R-Really?!” He said, face rosy pink and eyes widen in surprise.

“Yeah. I don’t want to pass out in class.”

When we arrive at school, I thank Leon again, then promised him to take it easy after school. He then stated that he’ll visit me during the weekend to make sure I’m keeping that promise (really?!)

Once I get in class, I started pulling out my drawing and asking a few of my classmates if they knew Vincent. However, nobody even recognized him. Next few classes weren’t that different.

On the way to lunch, I was going to give up. Everybody’s responses confirmed that Vincent was gone from existence, so I started to put the drawing away until I spotted a familiar flutter of yellow and pink.

Wait a minute, Reme! She’s a main character in the game, maybe she still remembers him!

“Reme! I need to ask you something!”

“What is it?”

“Do you know of a guy named Vincent who looks like this?” I said, pulling out my drawing of Vincent from memory.

What is that Abomination?! “No, I don’t recognize him at all.”

“Not even ringing a single bell? He was a popular kid here!”

“I’m sorry, I have no recollection of that man, have you tried asking others about it?”

“Yeah, but nobody recalls him, not even Leon for crying out loud!”

“And why would Leon be someone who remembers him?”

“It’s because Vincent is, uhh…”

“… I see.”

“Anyways, thanks for your help!”

Before she could say anything back, I spirited off, leaving her to watch me run.

“…That’s strange.”

As I went into the lunchroom, I spot my brother sitting with Jon, but no signs of Leon.

“Hey little bro, where’s Leon?”

“Oh, he’s right behind you.”

I turn around and find Leon hovering over me.

“Ahhk! Leon! Where did you come from?”

“I was looking for you, you took a while to get here.”

“Ahh, I was just talking to some classmates. That’s all!” I said, as I sat down at the table to eat.

“So, what are your plans for the weekend?”

“I thought I was supposed to rest for the weekend.”

“I meant, how are you going to take a break?”

“Oh, uhh, I guess I’m going to sleep, obviously, but I’m also going to do some cleaning and homewor— uhh. Wait, how am I supposed to take a break without doing my schoolwork?”

“I guess you two can do it together.” My brother says, chiming in.

“But isn’t that cheating?” Leon said.

“It isn’t if you don’t give each other the answers… I just meant like a study group.”

“Ok. Just making sure, I don’t want any of us to violate academic integrity.”

Wait! Does that mean that Leon’s coming home with me after school?!

“Are you ok with that?”

Ah shoot, my monologue covered what he said, I think he asked if I wanted him to come over.

“Yeah, sure!”

“Thanks for understanding, you know how much time basketball can take.”

Wait, that wasn’t his question?!

“I’ll still be able to visit over the weekend once practice is over though.”

“Oh, great…”

Why am I so worried? Vincent is no longer here to threaten me. I’m practically safe… well… safer than when he Was here.

The school bell rings, and Leon waves goodbye, saying that he’ll meet up with me tomorrow night.

As I was walking down the hall, all of a sudden, I spot a peculiar non-blue figure in the distance, which contains some red, pink and brown, the familiar colors of Vincent.

Shoot! Is that Vincent?! I thought he was gone!

I wait for the whole crowd to clear for a bit before following him, he seems to be going towards the principle’s office, but I need answers on what the heck is going on with him.

“Vincent, what is going on!” I said, turning a corner to meet him.

When he did meet the man face to face, it was Not Vincent at all. He was slightly taller than Vincent, his hair was a darker shade of red, and he was older seeing his wrinkles. He looked like a relative, his father perhaps?

He didn’t even have time to speak before the man angrily grabbed his collar and pulled him up to his face.

“You! What have you done to Vincent?!”

“Wait, you REMEMBER Him?!”

…

……

………

Why does he still remember, he shouldn’t be able to remember him! I made sure of it!

—————

Note: Yes, to make the drawing accurate to the story, I did draw Vincent by memory.

[barbaramillicentgordonroberts]

Here is what the spine looks like for the (audiobook) (deluxe edition) junior novelization!

Here is what the first ever page looks like for when you open the (audiobook) (deluxe edition) junior novelization with a bar code in the left side like the back of the cover page has of the book, on the right side, Ember, and Wade on there like the front cover page for the book of the movie, and its logo on top of the two of them!

Here is what the last ever blank page looks like for when you are about to close the (audiobook) (deluxe edition) junior novelization!

Here are some of the other books of the movie besides from the little golden book!

Here is a page of what looks like to be with leaves, faces of Wade, Ember, Clod, and some cloud person who is not Gale after all along with some sort of sphere circle thingy, and some other thing whatever that is if you try to look at it closely because all I could be able to see are two triangles like this : 📐(the one in the right looks like that of the outer triangle of the emoji that I just put in there, but flipped) ◀️ (while the other in the left is almost that, but flipped again, and is an acute like the inner triangle of the previous emoji, but not that small, but somewhat taller, and skinner than the triangle on the right!)

Here is the page for the copyright, and all of the other stuff that we get in a book including with Cinder, and Bernie, Ember's dad, on the other page to the right where the Elemental movie logo is there again on top of them only now this page has the New York Random House logo on the bottom, which while in the almost exact middle in bottom of Bernie, and Cinder, Erin Falligant adapted this (deluxe edition) junior novelization book (archiving stuff for seeing it for free whenever you want to on the internet is much better than paying for the digital copy of keeping it yourself forever for all of time) (As a breakdown ice question, I wonder that if a human, animal, or whatever they are from anything else that is not from Pixar's Elemental that is from Pixar, and all of the animated stuff, or not from wherever they were from including with the OC characters, and all of the others that are collaborating with this, how would all it be like if they are to be able to be in the following story as I cut, copy, and paste to be able to type it all out like would they call us humans 🦴 as an instance of an example, since we are made up for that stuff besides from calling us all other things like marshmallows (is bone an element, I know that it is not in real life, but is it still one to be able to tell the honest truth for it's integrity as for marshmallow, and all of what they call us humans, and all of the other stuff, that is considered to be taken as nicknames, etc. to go by instead of being referred to by our names all the time although that by saying whatever it is for who their names are) )

(thank goodness for the page numbers at the middle bottom of the book to be able to start at one, I wish that they could be able to do that all of the time in the world, but you know how they do it differently with Roman numerals pages before the normal numbers come along way before they the appendixes, glossaries, and all of the other stuff that they do either of fun, or not, it is still fine to look at them though, I am not sure how many pages are in the little golden book, nor in all of the other books from the list of the last post I just did that we all do not know yet at all, but for this book, I just found out that if you do count the story only, and not with the other stuff that I just showed you of this post, and on the last post, there is a prologue chapter (which is nice to touch up on apart from the still nicely touched up for the epilogue chapter, and the other stuff that they do to split the book to parts, etc.), 18 chapters, and 138 pages), I just know that the following starting with part 3 in the next post, and on would not be able to make sense to you all to know for now as it is to me, but it will be able to be understandable either way! :

[seventyfishes]

Current project ideas

All scarves.

Paloma wool inspo orange/grey scarf for Paloma obviously. long. thinish. Its actually ridiculous hard to find a picture of this scarf online LOL so I'm just looking all the pw knitware and its all gorgeous.

in order to avoid copyright claimjk TO BE CREATIVE I want there to be uneven sizes of color... but figuring this out. Have not found yarn nice enough to start this yet. Merino wool, very thin, small gauge, stockinette. Plus (not scarf) am making a little pink thingy...

For Nola... Maroon/black or very dark grey. Maybe all three. Want to draw from Tauba auerbach for design. Cue Blogging rampage. Just realized the best thing would be two colors directly contrasting each other from maximum emphasis on pattern bc I think I want to go geometrical vs her more colorful stuff. I guess I could just do black and white but I don't wanna... Just found out the opposite of maroon is teal. Thanks google...I am going to knit a maroon and teal scarf... It will lowkey be so ugly maybe. But HA. Need to buy graph paper I think to plan a pattern.

Okay I have half of the crown of a balaclava knitted for Sarah but that project is stressing me out because I feel like the gauge is insanely tight and also I knit in gartner not stockinette which I think will make it difficult to pick up the sides? So I'm pausing. I have a BUNCH of the yarn I'm knitting w rn which is variegated and gorgeous and Sarah really likes it. Plus its name is Ruby :). But I feel like variegated yarn is best served with a simple and consistent pattern which I'm a. bored by and b. worried Sarah doesn't want a scarf anyway and c. I want to do something lacy and fairylike... So I must dive into raverly.com to see if there's any good patterns. And abandon balaclava/do it in a diff yarn once I feel more comfortable with that pattern.

Long term future: dark green scarf with large absent space patterning... sexy ass sweater for myself probably navy and mohair or cashmere. When I want to blow hella cash. Im proud of myself for learning skills doing my first two scarves and sticking with them even tho i started over a billion times. Treating this all like a learning experience mama... cuz it is

[teawinx]

Rose/Pigella Rose was done so dirty by the 3D and the colours in this show. They really did pick the ugliest pink to put her in, didn’t they?

I’m sure you’re wondering “why is a character named ROSE in blue?”, glad you asked. Colour is a pretty handy tool for visual storytelling, and I’ve been using it for these redesigns. Most notably with Adrien and Gabriel who are both in white. Pink is Marinette’s colour in this rewrite, with red representing Ladybug. So having Rose in pink would destroy that. So I put her in a baby blue instead with pink accents.

Her dress in canon is so ugly and unflattering, I had to change it. Nothing to salvage just burn it. She’s now a y2k picnic bitch.

And she runs an aesthetic bullet journal blog in her spare time, using all the cute stickers. She’s also trying to get funds to start an “akumatised therapy center”, where people who were traumatised by their akumatisation can enter a support group and heal together and hopefully not get akumatised again. Feels like a very Rose thing to do.

Oh man. Canon Pigella. Wow. Probably the best transformation sequence, best power and WORST DESIGN in the show. I think the designers struggled to make her “pig-like” without it looking weird. But the result was an ugly suit with an ugly skirt and a weird pink plastic thingie on the chest. If think if you showed a picture of Pigella to someone who doesn’t know Miraculous, they’d not make the pig connection. So I straight up gave her proper pig ears, and pigs often have brown patches and spots. So I removed the ugly bright pink and replaced it with soft pastels and browns. Problemo solved.

Idk if it’s copyrighted, but if I had it my way she’d be called Miss Piggy.

Alix!

Alix’s canon design isn’t awful, just a bit boring. And misleading. The snake arms kinda led you to believe that she might get the snake Miraculous, but I guess not. I’d still love to see a snake Alix at some point though.

So my revised Alix is a bit different from canon. She’s quite introverted and mostly keeps to herself, but accidentally becomes the mysterious cool girl. Oops amiright? (Quick reminder that in this rewrite the Miraculous were lost and spread out across Paris before the series began) Like Lila she found a Miraculous prior to the series beginning, and has been using it for a little while in secret. Not for evil obviously, just for normal daily stuff. I hate Time Travel in Miraculous, so instead Bunnix has different time powers. She can slow down, speed up and temporarily stop time. And she mostly uses this power to sleep in and then not be late for school. Normal stuff really. She’s also very observant and is quick to figure people out. Aka she doesn’t like Lila and can see through her bullshit.

So redesign wise I drew heavy inspiration from Billie Eyelashes. She’s short and stocky (can and will supplex you) and likes sports, so she wears sporty clothes (duh) but make it stylish. Like she picks her clothes because they’re appropriate for physical activities, but accidentally becomes a fashion icon in school. What a legend. I like her canon shorts and layered top, so I wanted to keep them in spirit.

And then Bunnix... Canon kinda forgot who Alix is and just slapped a boring skin tight suit on her and called it a day. So my main goal was to give her a more interesting silhouette. And she’s not older anymore, since there’s no time travel. To match her civilian self she’s in a casual cropped hoodie (yes the hoodie has holes for her bunny ears), a cool shaved haircut and god damn roller blades. Would that kinda mess with canon? I guess, but Alix needs her skates to GO FAST. She still has her umbrella, I just suck at drawing poses with weapons.

There ya go! I wonder who’s next?

[moonbear-from-space]

Hey folks, do you want more Eddie and or Venom stuff to watch? Well, may I present to you a short fan film from 2013 called Venom: Truth in Journalism. This short was created by Joe Lynch and Eddie Brock/Venom was played by Ryan Kwanten. [Fun fact he was also Kludd in that one 2010's CGI owl movie Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole] Basically, a group of filmmakers from France interviews Eddie and his life of being a journalist but slowly and surely turns into a found footage horror film of sorts.

Now keep in mind this is sorta a more villainous take on Eddie which I know most people aren't fond of however this is a more zany and cartoonish take on his whole bad guy kind of character. in a way, it's Eddie being chaotic and feral for mostly 17 mins straight. This won't be for everyone's tastes but I recommended giving it a watch if you wish to. Also as well despite the name, this is more focused on Eddie but don't worry Venom is also in this for the sake of spoilers I won't go into too much detail about that, just see for yourself. But I do warn as this is a short horror film there will be stuff like dead bodies, blood, use of tobacco, vomiting, murder, some slight use of body horror and other creepy scenes as well. Though it is all filmed in black and white I still wanna bring out those content warnings just in case you end up wishing to watch it. But yeah I have been wanting to talk about this mostly obscure fan film for a while. As I think the short is really good and well put together and has a lot of nice subtle references an easter eggs threw out the short film. [it's also why I ended up making this artwork thingy a while back as well]

Links here to watch it!

Youtube Keep in mind one of the scenes got the audio muted because of YouTube's copyright stuff.

Vimeo This doesn't have any of the audio muted but you may need to sign up or log in if you ended up watching this version of the upload. Also links to this artwork on DA and Twitter as well.

[roseangel-fnaf]

Busy’s Debut!

The She-Sun:

-Gregory is in the animatronic storage room where he has already met many animatronics from different parts of the world-

Gregory: Who knew these guys made so many places.

Freddy (over the fazwatch): Fazbear Entertainment used to try to stretch their limits to beyond just America! There were Pizzaplexes all over the world! However, due to copyright issues and lack of money. They had to close the places down and move the animatronics here for storage.

Gregory: even though they don’t even know who I am they’re trying to kill me!

Freddy: Do not worry! Just keep going straight and you’ll find a door that will lead you directly to the daycare! There the daycare attendant will help you find me. (Sun and Gregory are friends now btw)

Gregory: the radar (ignore that) says that he’s in here nearby..

Freddy: that is not possible. That area is restricted to us!

Gregory: Whatever this thing is probably broken. 😒

-Gregory trips and falls, landing on something soft, yellow, and poofy!-

Freddy: Gregory! Are you okay?!

Gregory: I’m fine! I’m fine…I just landed on this yellow thing.

-he uses this as a chance to rest.-

-as he rests a large yellow head lifts up and opens two large blue eyes, looking down at Gregory-

Gregory: tell me this isn’t a…

-the now revealed bumble bee smiles widely-

Gregory: Freddy -he stands up- I found another animatronic.

Freddy: don’t panic! Maybe it’s a nice one!

Gregory: wait a minute…

-Gregory looks at his watch and then looks at the new creature-

Gregory: Is he a daycare attendant?!

Freddy: how fascinating! It seems as though you found a variation of Sunnydrop! I’m sure they’ll help you! Just ask him for directions!

???: Kon’nichiwa!

Gregory: make that a she!

Freddy: a female daycare attendant? How interesting!

Gregory: but it doesn’t even speak English! It’s speaking Chinese!

Freddy: Japanese actually! Ask if she’s bilingual!

Gregory: hey can you speak English?

???: Nani?

Gregory: Can you understand me???

???: Rikaidekinai! Anata wa amerikahitodesu ka, soretomo supeinhitodesu ka?

Gregory: You’re in America! We speak English here! Can you hear me?!

???: -Ding!- I can now! Hello fellow! My name is Busy Bee!

Gregory: you’re a bee? Well- That doesn’t matter, do you know a way out of here?

Busy: nope! I haven’t had any human or animatronic contact for over 7 years! 😄

Gregory: Oh..Uh- Wow..You wanna…Talk about it? Are you okay??

Busy: Hehehaha! Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be?

Gregory: okay then…

-another quick Ding! Comes from Busy and she turns her head all the way behind her.-

Busy: Ooooooh! Boy! New friends!

-New animatronics picked up on Gregory’s radar, and it wasn’t any of the hostile ones, they were close to the exit!-

Gregory: Busy you’re a genius! Your signal thingys told Freddy where we are!

Freddy: Gregory! Good news! We are at the door to the storage room. However if we enter to look for you the alarms will go off and we will be decommissioned.

Gregory: wow, it’s that big of a deal?! Why don’t they want you guys in here so badly..

-he says whilst following Busy to Freddy’s signal-

Freddy: officer Vanessa says that if we meet the other animatronics it will distract us from our functions and break our programming.

Gregory: hm… Whatever…

-the end!-

If you wanna see a fanfic of Busy meeting Sunnydrop and even some ✨mwah mwah romantic✨ stuff (no not nsfw weirdo) then just tell me ^^. It’s inevitable anyways so…

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

[gonbe-nyanya]

How to Actually Play Magic: The Gathering

Magic: The Gathering (MTG, or just Magic) is the first and one of the most popular trading card games in the world. Described as the chess of card games, you can go as complex as you want (even make a computer) or have as much fun as you want, diving into the multitudes of worlds, creatures, and characters to express yourself.

But first you need to know how to play.

Lots of guides tend to be overly simplistic, so here I’ll try to go really in-depth in the rules while still maintaining an introductory tone. I will also try to provide as many pictures of relevant cards as possible to expose you to the vast array of effects cards may have, and how they interact with what I’m currently discussing.

1. The Colors of Magic

The most defining part of Magic are the five different colors. Each has its own flavor, playstyle, advantages, and disadvantages. You can combine different colors in your deck to have access to interesting combos and to balance out your deck’s weaknesses. Different color combinations also have their own specific flavor, often embodied by groups such as the guilds of Ravnica.

White: This is the color of unity, healing, and order. Cards in this color will often gain you life, protect your creatures from damage, tax or outright prevent your opponents from doing tricky things, and make armies of small creatures that together make mighty fighting forces. It is also associated with artifacts, enchantments, and exiling.

By the way, I will be defining Magic terms as they come up, like so.

Token: A representation of a creature, artifact, or something else. You can use it like a card while it exists, but it will vanish when it leaves the battlefield. (the rest of these terms will come up soon.)

Exile: Originally called “removed from the game”, exile is a zone that is inaccessible to most cards. It makes sure your opponents’ creatures go away forever. Sometimes, creatures go to exile and come right back to get extra enter-the-battlefield effects, known as blinking.

If you see something that isn’t immediately defined, just keep it in mind. Chances are I’ll cover it in a later chapter.

Blue: This color is related to knowledge, water, and the cold. You’ll get to draw lots of cards, but your creatures will be lacking. Instead, you will have access to powerful spells that bounce, freeze, or steal your opponents’ creatures and even give you extra turns. Quelch your opponents’ attempts with counterspells. It also has affinity for artifacts.

Black: This color represents death, disease, and ambition. Full of evil kill and discard spells, you will have access to your own army of zombies, vampires, and demons. You will also be able to do powerful things, but often at the cost of cards, creatures, or even your own health. In the words of Dark Confidant, “Greatness, at any cost.”

Red: This is the color of passion, fire, and explosive power. Many of the direct damage spells, including the iconic Lightning Bolt, are Red, as well as aggressive, fast creatures and multiple combats. You will have an extreme upper hand in your first few turns, but will quickly run out of gas if you don’t use another color to keep up on card draw. Red also brings with it mighty dragons and world-morphing chaotic effects.

Green: The color of nature, Green is similar to white in its abilities to heal, create tokens, and destroy artifacts and enchantments. However, Green has a wild side and is full of giant beasts, swarms of bugs, and rapid evolutions. It also brings out lands quickly and makes tons of mana.

2. Dissecting a Card

Sidisi is a popular character that hales from the plane of Tarkir. She’ll be helping us as a prime example of what a card looks like. There’s a lot to take in, but we’ll start from the top and work our way down.

First is the border (yes, from the very top!). It seems silly, but there are actually a few different borders that mean different things. A vast majority of cards have the regular black border. You may also see cards with white borders - these tend to be older cards, but they’re just as good as the black bordered ones. Silver borders come from the Un-sets, a series of joke sets full of wacky mechanics and inside jokes. None of these cards  are tournament legal, but you’re free to have fun with them with your friends. Gold-bordered cards will also have a different back, and were printed as a part of tournament-winning decks back in the day. These are not tournament legal, but since they are often cheaper than their “real card” counterparts, people will use them in casual decks.

Next is the name. “Sidisi, Brood Tyrant” is the full, English name of this card. Each deck can only have up to 4 copies of any single card (there are very important exceptions to this I will cover in the next chapter). There are also a few cards which specifically reference others by name.

To the right of that is the mana cost. In this case, we need to use one black mana, one green mana, one blue mana (each represented by their respective symbol) and one mana which can be of any color, or even colorless, represented by the 1 in the circle. We’ll find out how to get mana in the next chapter as well. As a side note, many cards will consider the mana value (formerly, converted mana cost), which is just the total cost of the card as a number. For Sidisi, it’s four.

Beneath that is the art.

Arguably the most important part of any card, Magic’s art is what really sets it apart from other games. People fall in love with specific cards for their dramatic poses, mighty beings, and stunning vistas. The art brings character to every card, and ties flavor and function beautifully. This is the best way to express yourself, and find what you really like about Magic.

Next is a thin bar called the typeline. This will tell you first what type of card it is - either a land, creature, artifact, enchantment, planeswalker, instant, sorcery, or tribal (or some combination!), which dictate how you use the card, and what other cards interact with it. Card types can be divided into permanent, which go on the battlefield once played, and nonpermanent, which you play for a single effect and immediately go to your graveyard. There are also some supertypes. Sidisi herself is Legendary, meaning she represents a specific character from Magic lore. This also means you can only have a single copy of her on the battlefield at any one moment; if you somehow get another, you’ll have to sacrifice one. Basic is another important supertype we’ll cover soon.

On the other side of the hyphen is the subtype - this is almost exclusively used for creatures to tell you what tribes they belong to. Sidisi herself is a Naga and a Shaman, and will thus interact with cards that care about that (these are often called tribal effects; for example, “Elves you control get +1/+1″). From Trilobites to Trolls, the creatures of magic are a diverse crowd.

Finally comes the set symbol, that strange orange shield thingy to the right. This tells you two things: the set the card comes from, and the rarity. This specific symbol represents the set Khans of Tarkir, so booster packs from that set may contain Sidisi. Rarity comes in 5 different colors.

Black: Common (Simple, often weak)

Silver: Uncommon (May have cool mechanics)

Gold: Rare (More powerful and complex)

Orange: Mythic Rare (The most powerful and complex)

Purple: Special (This is only used in situations such as Time Spiral, where they reprinted cards in the old border)

The rarity often (but not necessarily) corresponds to power level. It’s better to think of it as a ranking of design complexity. Newer Rares and Mythics will also have that shiny, elliptical sticker near the bottom, which simply guarantees the authenticity of the card.

The bottom half of the card is dominated by the text box. This will tell you the effects and abilities of the card. Sidisi has two abilities: one that triggers whenever she enters the battlefield or attacks, and one that triggers whenever a creature card is put into the graveyard from your library (on modern cards, this is called milling). We will go over abilities later.

Notice how Sidisi aligns with her colors. As a Naga, she is Green. Her zombie tokens are characteristic of Black, and tokens are generally Green as well. Milling is a Blue ability, and putting creatures in the graveyard to bring back to life is definitely Black.

The text box is also home to flavor text, the italicized text beneath the rules. This will often be a little blurb or quote relating to the flavor of the card. Consider it an extension of the art.

Creatures will also have that rectangle to the bottom right, called the Power and Toughness. The first number is the power (how hard it punches) and the second is the toughness (how hard of a punch it can take). This is relevant for combat and we will cover it extensively later.

Finally come all those funny symbols at the very bottom. This will include the collector’s number (199/269), the set (KTK = Khans of Tarkir), the artist (Karl Kopinski) and the copyright.

3. Lands

Lands are by far the most important component of your deck. They are what generate the mana you need to cast your spells, and dictate the colors of spells you can play.

You can play one land per turn - just plop it from your hand onto the battlefield. They have no mana cost, and thus the top right is blank.

The Basic land is the prime exception to the four-card limit, as you can have as many as you want in your deck. The Basic supertype also interacts with several cards, such as ones which let you get more from your deck onto the battlefield.

The 6 basic lands are Plains (white), Island (blue), Swamp (black), Mountain (red), Forest (green), and Wastes (colorless, only used in decks such as Eldrazi Tron, and are often not included).

This cycle comes from Lorwyn, a set based in Gaelic mythology.

All Basic lands come with the implied rules text that they can tap to create one mana of their respective color, and as such will often have the cinematic mana symbol instead.

Tap: A common cost on a permanent to activate an ability. Turn the card sideways to tap it. It will stay tapped until your next turn, when it will untap during your untap phase (more on that later). A tapped card can’t be tapped again, and a tapped creature can’t block.

Some lands, especially those that can make different colors, will enter the battlefield tapped, so you’ll have to wait an extra turn to use them. Other lands might only create colorless mana (represented by a number on older cards and a diamond on newer cards), so they’re less useful for casting spells, but will have interesting abilities, such as:

This Mutavault can turn into a creature for just 1 mana, which you can use to attack and block with. (Pop quiz: see if you can recognize each part of the card!) There are dozens more examples that do everything from draw you cards to destroy your opponents’ pesky lands.

But what exactly does it mean to create a mana? Well, really, it gets added to your mana pool, as you may have noticed on the Mutavault. This is an arbitrary place where all your mana goes so that you can spend it. This isn’t often relevant, because you’ll mostly tap your lands while casting spells and the mana will immediately be used, but there are a few scenarios where it might be useful. For example, someone targets your land to destroy it because they don’t want you to have the mana open to kill something they’ll play next. Just tap your land to keep a mana “floating”. However, all the mana in your pool will automatically drain out each time you change phases (more on those later).

Tapping lands for mana is an ability, but since it’s a mana ability, it won’t use the stack, so you can use them just about whenever. More on the stack later as well.

Most decks will be around one-third lands, with more or less depending on how low the average cost of cards you have are. The less colors you run, the less cards you have at your disposal, but the more flexible your mana base can be - more colors often use lands that enter tapped and are inconsistent at drawing the colors they need.

Have fun experimenting with your mana base, especially in casual formats. In more competitive formats, lands are actually the most expensive cards! The top lands are called the shocklands, fetchlands, and original dual lands - the last of which are several hundred dollars each.

4. Permanents

Besides lands, just about every other card you play is considered a spell when you cast it (you’ll see this on cards such as Counterspell). However, for the sake of clarity, I’ll be using “Permanent” to refer to anything that goes directly on the battlefield once it resolves and “Spell” to refer to single-use cards.

Of the card types mentioned above, permanents include lands (which we just covered), creatures, artifacts, enchantments, and the mighty planeswalkers. I’ll include a visual example of each as we go.

Creatures are your basic way of winning the game. They can attack your opponent to take down their life total, but might also have interesting abilities that make them more valuable as repeatable spells than combatants.

Incubation druid is a great example of both: she starts off as an additional land, giving you more mana quicker to play your other cards. With 0 power, she’s useless as an attacker. However, her Adapt ability lets her grow into a formidable 3/5, so you can attack and block with her much more effectively later in the game. Notice the curved arrow symbol that represents tapping.

+1/+1 Counter: This is a permanent buff to your creature, giving it an additional power and toughness each. Counters in general can come in many forms: -1/-1 counters are self-explanatory, but ability counters such as a Flying counter give your creature a new keyword. Other counters, such as Lore and Filibuster, keep track of certain things for you. Always bring a few dice with you to every game, as you’re sure to want to track some sort of counter.

Creatures enter the battlefield with summoning sickness, which means they can’t attack or use any ability that requires them to tap until your next turn. Creatures also get summoning sick when they change control. A creature with Haste, a keyword ability, lets you ignore this, and is often found on red creatures.

Artifacts, lore wise, are artificial, sterile creations of wizardry, and as such, almost never correspond to a color. They may imitate the effects of a certain color, but to prevent other colors from having easy access to it, they will often be overcosted. A common type of artifact is colloquially known as the mana rock, as it generates mana. There are many cards that interact and enhance artifacts.

Hedron Archive is a typical mana rock, costing four mana of any color and boosting your mana generation ability by two. Later in the game, if you already have more than enough lands, you can cash it in for two mana to draw some more cards. Notice the distinct metallic border.

Artifacts often combine with Creatures to form Artifact Creatures, or less commonly with Lands to create Artifact Lands.

Artifacts can also come on the form of Equipment, which will give an effect when equipped to a creature. This often comes in the form of a buff to its power and toughness, but can also include adding keywords and other cool abilities. You’ll need to equip it by paying a cost, and can pass equipment around between any of your creatures. This can result in some funny mental images, such as a cat wearing a suit of armor and wielding three swords!

Enchantments are similar to artifacts in that they sit on the battlefield and have an effect, but they will have color. Also, Green and White excel at “cleansing” both by destroying them, but Red is only good at blowing up artifacts - after all, an ogre with a mace can smash a rock, but not a mystical spell.

Some enchantments have the subtype Aura. This means you cast them targeting a specific permanent, and they will enter the battlefield attached to that permanent like a piece of Equipment. These, however, can’t be moved around, and will fall off and go to the graveyard if the thing they enchant ever leaves the battlefield. Auras will often buff creatures, but can also subdue permanents or boost a land’s mana production.

Planeswalkers are the newest and arguably the most powerful of the permanents. They represent the primary characters of MTG lore, beings who have incredible magical prowess and can teleport from plane to plane. They are (as of yet) all legendary, and thus you can only have one of each at a time on the battlefield.

They look pretty weird, don’t they? Instead of a power and toughness, they have a loyalty in the bottom right. Each planeswalker will enter the battlefield with that many loyalty counters on it. You can activate one of its abilities on each of your turns by adding or subtracting the indicated loyalty. Once a planeswalker is at zero, it dies and goes to the graveyard (or rather, gets fed up with your mishandling and teleports away, as per loyalty flavor). Planeswalkers can also be killed by spells that specifically target them, when they’re dealt damage, or when they’re attacked by creatures. Their last ability is often incredibly powerful, and is called an “ultimate”. Newer planeswalkers sometimes also have static abilities.

Planeswalkers are not creatures, and can’t attack or block. That being said, there are some planeswalkers that can turn into creatures.

Permanents are very useful, as they stick around and provide value turn after turn. Many strategies revolve around certain tribes, or using artifacts. Creatures are the main way to get damage through to your opponent to win the game. And planeswalkers have powerful abilities, requiring an answer from your opponent to stay in the game.

5. Spells

As stated above, all nonland cards are technically spells when cast, but here we will talk specifically about Instants and Sorceries. We will also define timing, as instant- and sorcery- speed is something we will discuss often when looking at casting spells, activating abilities, and using the stack.

Sorceries are your basic single-use card. Pay their cost, they’ll resolve, and you’ll get their effect once before they go to the graveyard.

Something I haven’t brought up yet is when you can play cards. We’ll go over the turn structure more in depth, but for now, know there’s a beginning step, a main phase, a combat phase, and a second main phase. You can play any of the previously mentioned cards, including sorceries, and activate planeswalker abilities, whenever it’s your main phase and the stack is empty.

The Stack: Whenever you cast a spell or activate a non-mana ability, or a triggered ability triggers, it will go on the stack. Things on the stack resolve last-in, first-out.

Instants are just like sorceries, but you can cast them at any time you have priority. This means they can go on the stack above other spells, which allows them to interact with other spells. Activated abilities can also be activated whenever, except for planeswalker abilities and those which specify otherwise.

Priority: When you have priority, you will have an opportunity to cast spells, play lands, and activate abilities. Everyone gets priority every phase, and it starts with the active player (whoever’s turn it is) and is passed around in turn order.

Whenever something goes on the stack, priority is passed around as well. Once each player has passed priority, it resolves and priority is passed once again for the next thing.

You can hold priority to cast multiple spells in a row.

Here’s a quick example to see how spells, abilities, and priority all interact on the stack:

Johnny and Timmy are playing each other, and it’s Timmy’s main phase. Johnny has a 0/2 Incubation Druid.

Timmy plays a Bala Ged Scorpion, which goes on the stack. Priority is passed around and it resolves. Its triggered ability goes on the stack, and Timmy targets Johnny’s Incubation Druid, since its power is 0, less than 1.

Since the ability is on the stack, Timmy gets priority and passes it to Johnny. In response, Johnny casts Burst of Strength, maintains priority, and casts a second Burst of Strength. Now priority passes between them for both, and they both resolve. Incubation Druid is now a 2/4.

Priority passes for Bala Ged Scorpion’s ability, but since the Incubation Druid now has more than 1 power, the ability does nothing and fizzles.

Fizzle: A spell whose target is no longer legal does nothing when it resolves. This is colloquially called fizzling.

Assuming he had the mana for it, Johnny could also have activated Incubation Druid’s Adapt ability in response to the Bala Ged Scorpion, making it a 3/5 and also letting it survive.

There are lots of cool things you can do with the stack, such as making slick plays to foil your opponents’ spells or to copy big spells for massive value.

Some permanent cards have Flash. This is a keyword ability that lets you play the card as if it was an instant. Teferi, Mage of Zhalfir is the quintessential Flash card, as it also gives your other creatures flash and prevents your opponents from playing at instant speed.

6. Where are We?

I’ve been throwing around terms such as Graveyard and Battlefield, so what exactly do these mean? Well, these are all zones. We’ve already looked at one zone - Exile. The Stack is also a zone.

A zone is a place where cards can exist. They may have abilities that work while in that zone, most often on the battlefield. Public zones are where all the cards are known. This includes the Battlefield, the Graveyard, and Exile.

Urabrask’s ability only works while he’s on the battlefield, and only creatures you control on the battlefield would get haste - after all, those are the only ones who can use it, anyways. Yixlid Jailer takes away abilities from cards in graveyards, so Momentary Blink would not have Flashback while it’s there. Momentary Blink also exiles a creature (using the old wording of “removed from the game”) and brings it back, known as flickering.

Private zones are anywhere where cards are not public information. This includes your hand and your library. Thoughtseize, and other similar hand disruption spells, let you take a peek at what your opponent has. Loads of cards like Armillary Sphere let you search your library for cards. Others may reveal the top card of your library, or let you look at the top few.

It’s also possible to have “hidden” cards in public zones. Willbender feature the Morph mechanic, which lets you cast it face-down as a 2/2 creature. This means your opponent won’t know what it is until you turn it face up, but you will. Other effects might put cards face-down in exile, where you could cast them.

Whenever a card changes zones, it becomes a new “object”. That means all counters, equipment, and auras fall off, and it is no longer being targeted by anything that was targeting it before. A classic use of this rule is flickering a creature being targeted by a kill spell - even though it comes back to the battlefield, it is a new object and is thus no longer being targeted by the kill spell. The spell will fizzle and your creature will be safe.

7. Starting the Game

Ok. So you’ve got a basic understanding of all the cards and the different locations. How do you get started actually playing?

There are lots of ways to play the game, but I’ll start out with the most common: a 1v1, best of 3 duel. This will also get a little bit into deckbuilding, but there’s a lot more on that later.

Most 1v1 decks will be 60 cards. In fact, this is a lower limit, and you can have as many cards as you want, but it’s convention to stay at 60 cards to maintain consistency. In a best of 3 match, you will also have a sideboard - 15 or less cards that may target specific strategies such as graveyard decks or artifact decks. After your first game and seeing what your opponent is playing, you’ll be able to switch out cards in your deck for the right silver bullets for games 2 and 3.

Common sideboard cards against Burn, graveyard, and artifact strategies.

If you’re playing a casual game with a friend, feel free to omit the sideboard, but it’s a staple part of competitive play and is a fun way to personalize decks in strictly defined metagames.

Now that you’ve got a deck (and presumably, a friend with a deck as well) shuffle up. Cut your opponent’s deck by putting the top half on the bottom (a customary ritual to prevent cheating) and let them cut yours. Figure out who’s going first by rolling some dice (whoever wins gets to choose, but generally going first is preferred), and draw seven cards. 

You may not like your hand for several reasons. Maybe you have too many lands, or none at all. Your lands might all produce the same color of mana instead of all the colors you need, or you might have only highly-costed spells and nothing to do on your early turns.

No problem, just shuffle it back in and draw seven more. This is called mulliganing. You can do this as many times as you want, but don’t be too hasty, because once you find a hand you like, you’ll need to put one card from your hand on the bottom of your library for each time you mulliganed.

Now it’s time for your first turn. But before we really get playing, let’s look at the structure of a turn.

8. Phases of a Turn

credit to u/paper_alien

From this fancy diagram, we can see that your turn is broken down into roughly three different parts. I’ll be including examples of cards that interact with each phase. First is the beginning phase.

Your untap step is right at the start, when all your permanents untap. Simply turn them right-side up. Claustrophobia would prevent one of your opponents’ creatures from untapping, rendering it useless as an attacker and blocker, as well as preventing its tap abilities from being used. No player gains priority during the untap step, and play immediately proceeds to the upkeep step. 

Normally, nothing happens here, unless an ability triggers. For example, the Luminous Angel gives you a 1/1 token on your upkeep. Players will get priority, so you’ll have a chance to cast instants or activate abilities as well.

After that is the draw step. You immediately draw a card, and abilities like that of Font of Mythos will trigger. Again, priority passes around. Once you’ve finished with the draw step, move on to your main phase.

Side note: Normally, players will typically condense these three steps into one (untapping and drawing), because it’s rare that you do play something here, but the steps are distinct for those cases in which you do need to take an action.

As mentioned above, your main phases are the only times you can play lands and non-instant spells, as well as activate planeswalker abilities. They sandwich your combat phase. It’s uncommon for cards to trigger during your main phases, but the two above are prime examples of such cards. Many activated abilities will also have an explicitly written restriction to only use them during your main phases.

The combat phase is the most complex, as it is really made up of five to six distinct subphases. First, you declare that you are going to move to combat. This will trigger cards like Hazoret’s Favor, and will give your opponents an opportunity to subdue your creatures before they can attack but after you have a chance to cast relevant non-instant cards. 

Once priority is passed around, you move to the Declare Attackers step. Here, you will tap each creature you want to have attack, meaning you can only attack with untapped creatures, and declare the player or planeswalker it will be attacking. Creatures do not attack other creatures (this isn’t Hearthstone), and instead your opponent will have a chance to block your creatures with their own. 

This happens after priority is passed around and you move to the Declare Blockers step. Your opponent will choose which of their untapped creatures they want to block your attacking creatures. Each creature can block up to one other creature, but any number of creatures can block one creature. 

Next is the Damage step. Here, each unblocked creature will deal damage to the player or planeswalker it’s attacking, and each blocked or blocking creature will deal damage equal to its power to the creature(s) it’s been pitted against. If one of your creatures is being blocked by multiple, you need to divide its power among them. For example, a 3/3 being blocked by two 2/1′s must deal 1 damage to one and 2 damage to another. All creatures who have been dealt more damage than their toughness die and are put into the graveyard.

The theoretical sixth step actually occurs before the Damage step - the First/Double Strike step. If any creatures with first strike or double strike are involved in the combat, this step will be created and those creatures will have an opportunity to deal damage before other creatures. For example, if a 5/1 with first strike is blocked by a 3/3, the 5/1 will deal 5 damage to the 3/3 before it has a chance to fight back, and the 3/3 dies. Double strike means the creature deals its damage twice - during this phase and the regular combat phase.

Finally is the End of Combat step. Similarly to the Beginning of Combat step, this is mostly a formality, but some cards do trigger here (such as the Wall of Cinders), and priority is passed around.

Notice that you also get priority after every one of these phases, meaning you have tons of control over what happens. This allows you to play combat tricks. For example, say you attack with a 4/4 and your opponent has a 4/2. They might think you just want to trade creatures (meaning both die) and blocks your attacker. Before damage, you have a chance to play Giant Growth, pumping your creature out of range of your opponent’s creature, so yours survives.

This is also a great time to cover the keyword abilities I’ve been bringing up throughout, as many of them concern combat. Many of them are fairly self-explanatory, and are not exclusive to creatures.

Deathtouch: Whenever this creature deals damage to another creature, that creature dies.

Defender: This creature can’t attack. Often seen on Walls.

First Strike/Double Strike: As mentioned above, these let the creature deal damage before other creatures. Double Strike means it deals damage twice, once in the first strike damage phase and once in the regular phase.

Flash: You can play this card at instant speed. Can appear on any permanent card.

Flying: This creature can’t be blocked except by other fliers and creatures with Reach.

Haste: This creature isn’t affected by summoning sickness.

Hexproof: This can’t be targeted by your opponents’ spells and abilities. This doesn’t prevent it from being affected by “choose” or “all” effects.

Indestructible: This can’t be destroyed by damage or effects that say “destroy”. It can still be sacrificed, exiled, or given -X/-X to reduce its toughness to 0.

Lifelink: Whenever this deals damage, you gain that much life.

Reach: Can block creatures with flying.

Shroud: Like Hexproof, but also prevents you from targeting it (for example, with a pump spell or equipment).

Trample: Excess combat damage can be dealt to your opponent. However, you still need to deal lethal damage to any blockers. For example, a 5/5 with trample being blocked by a 2/3 must deal at least 3 damage to the 2/3 so that you can deal 2 damage to your opponent.

Vigilance: This creature doesn’t need to tap when attacking.

Menace: This creature must be blocked by at least two creatures.

There are many, many more keyword abilities, but these are the most common - the rest you will come across as you explore the different sets and planes.

After your second main phase comes the end step. In reality, you’ll care more about your opponent’s end step, because it is the optimal time to play removal, card draw, or other useful instants because it will give your opponent the least amount of time to react before your next turn. However, once priority is passed during your end step, check if you have more than seven cards in your hand - the maximum hand size. if you do, the cleanup step is created. Here, you must discard down to seven cards, and there will be another chance for priority after that. Seven is the default maximum hand size, but there are many cards that let you play around with that.

So now you’ve got your deck, you’ve mulliganed as you need, you’ve played an Island. I see you preparing to cast that Opt - but wait! Casting a spell is quite a bit more complex than it first seems, so let’s go over that now.

9. Casting Spells and Activating Abilities

All this time, I’ve been talking about casting and activating without really explaining exactly what that means, so now let’s make sure you know what that means. There is a lot of nuance to properly casting a spell, but once you understand it, you can ignore all the decorum in most cases. However, it’s still important to know exactly what happens to prevent common misunderstandings, and because Magic is full of strange cards that love to bend the rules; you will doubtless find fun corner cases.

The steps to casting a spell and activating an ability are identical except the first, so I will be going over them together, referring to casting a spell.

Declare you are going to be casting the spell by putting it from where it is (generally, your hand) onto the stack. An ability will be put onto the stack as an arbitrary object.

Declare all the additional and alternative costs you wish to pay (for example, Vandalblast’s Overload cost), the mode of the card for split cards (such as Assure // Assemble) and double-faced cards (such as Alrund, who is also a bird on his other side!), and define the value of X (such as for Chalice of the Void), which you can pay for in mana of any color.

Choose the targets of your spell. You must have a legal target for each time the word “target” appears on the card (this is when effects such as “When this becomes the target of a spell” are triggered and go on the stack, to be sorted out and resolved later).

Now determine how much you need to pay. This includes cost reductions and additional costs, such as for Torgaar, as well as taxing effects (i.e., “noncreature spells cost {1} more to cast).

Activate mana abilities, such as those from your lands and mana rocks, and pay all costs as required. This means, for example, that you can tap a creature that produces mana and sacrifice it to pay for Torgaar.

Congratulations! Your spell or ability is now on the stack. Abilities that trigger while you are casting your spell, such as Talrand’s, will be on the stack above it and will thus resolve first. We covered fizzling before, but to clarify, a spell will fizzle only if all its targets are no longer legal, either through dying, or gaining Hexproof, or some other means. This means you get no part of its effects. If it has multiple targets, and only some become illegal, the card resolves as normal.

Like I said, you really don’t need to understand all of this in depth, but it helps clarify the occasional odd rules interaction.

10. Abilities

There are four types of abilities that you might find on cards. The one we’ve just covered extensively was activated abilities, which further come in two forms.

Draconic Disciple handily features both: a mana ability, and a normal activated ability. Notice that all activated abilities use the syntax “Cost X, Cost Y: Ability.” As we covered last chapter, you need to use mana abilities before paying costs when activating an ability, so you couldn’t tap Draconic Shaman for mana for his own ability as well as tap him to summon the dragon.

The main distinction for mana abilities is that they don’t use the stack, resolve instantly, and can be used while casting spells. An activated ability is considered a mana ability if and only if all it does is create mana. That means that Deathrite Shaman’s first ability is not a mana ability, because it exiles a land in addition to creating a mana.

The three other types of abilities are triggered abilities, passive abilities, and replacement effects.

Vanquisher’s Banner features a passive ability by giving all your creatures of a certain creature type +1/+1. It’s pretty straightforward: a static ability simply applies as long as the permanent which has it is on the battlefield. There are nuances in “layering”, but this is already far more complex than you’ll need to know for the majority of games. Feel free to read that article, though. 

Vanquisher’s Banner’s third ability is a triggered ability - an ability that goes on the stack when something happens. This could be casting a spell, a creature entering the battlefield, or drawing a card - or just about anything. These are generally in the form “When” or “Whenever”, and should not be confused with replacement effects.

Replacement effects, like the one seen on Teferi’s Ageless Insight, come in the form “If... would... instead”. They are similar to triggered abilities in that they occur in response to something happening, but they don’t use the stack. Instead, think of them as modifiers to abilities. For example, if Teferi’s Ageless Insight was formatted like a triggered ability, drawing you a card each time you drew a card, you’d be stuck in an endless loop of drawing. Instead, replacement effects only apply once to each thing they modify.

There are many ways  that abilities might manifest themselves, and they don’t always need to be on the battlefield. Bridge From Below’s wall of text works when it’s in the graveyard. Skyscribing’s ability only works from your hand, and is keyworded by Forecast, which only appeared in the original Ravnica set.

The best way to experience all the different interesting abilities and cards is just by playing and expanding your collection. Enjoy playing around and learning more about the game.

This is just about all you need to know to understand the game itself. However, Magic cards just love bending the rules, so you’ll always be encountering interesting rules interactions that will teach you more about the game as you play.

11. Formats

Here is where the fun really begins. Choosing a format is like choosing a social media platform: it comes with its own drama, flavor, speed, and player personalities. All formats use 60 card decks with 15 card sideboards, and start at 20 life, except Brawl and Commander. Each format has its own banlist, so make sure you check that before building just any deck. However, feel free to totally disregard all formats and just build whatever deck you want to have fun with friends!

Here are the most popular formats:

Standard: Probably the most popular 1v1 format, Standard uses cards from the last few sets, and constantly rotates. Deck prices can range from under 100$ to over 500$ when certain powerful cards are in rotation, but when a card rotates out, it can lose its value if it isn’t played in older formats. It can be competitive, but also lets you play with fun new cards in a weaker environment.

Pioneer: The newest official format, Pioneer uses cards dating back to the set Return to Ravnica. It has the same fresh feel as Standard, but doesn’t rotate and is closer in power level to Modern.

Modern: This format uses cards from the newest set all the way back to Eighth Edition from 2003. Decidedly more powerful than Standard, and expensive as well. Competitive decks can range from 200-1000$, but the vast size of the card pool means you can find budget builds and underdog decks to tinker with.

Legacy: You can use any card in the history of Magic, except those from the Banlist. The power level is incredibly high, yet the stereotype of 2-turn games is not as true as one might think. Because of the original dual lands, decks are often over 1000$, but mono-colored decks such as Burn can be brought down to 200$. Definitely not for the faint of heart.

Vintage: Like legacy, all cards are at your disposal, and this time, instead of a banlist, you have a restricted list, meaning you are limited to 1 copy of certain cards. A single copy of Black Lotus can be tens of thousands of dollars, and is a staple alongside the rest of the Power Nine. Very few play it because of the price tag, but it lets you tap into the true power of the oldest Magic cards.

Commander (AKA EDH): Play with any card, like Legacy, but with the distinct Commander banlist. The deckbuilding process here is very different: Pick a legendary creature you like, and pick 99 more cards that are of the same color(s) as your commander. This is a singleton format, meaning you can only have one of each card except for basic lands. Commander is also a multiplayer format, played in pods of 3-6; most often 4. Your commander starts in the Command Zone, where you can cast it. Each time it dies, it goes back to the Command Zone, where you can replay it for an additional 2 mana each time. The multiplayer nature, 40 starting life total, and high variance make Commander incredibly casual, much more a social event than a game. Have fun casting huge spells, playing pet cards, and embodying your commander. That being said, there’s a competitive scene in EDH, known as cEDH.

Brawl: Ah, Brawl. Commander’s younger, forgotten brother. It’s a cross between Commander and Standard, in which you have a commander (in this case, it can also be a planeswalker) and must have singleton copies of cards. Like Standard, you can only use cards from the last few sets, your deck is only 60 cards (no sideboard, though), and games are 1v1. You start with 25 life. Almost nobody plays this in person, but it’s very fun on MTG Arena.

12. Where to Play

Assuming you don’t have a group of friends ready to accept you into their playgroup, finding people to play with can be hard. First, I’d recommend checking Wizards of the Coast’s official Store Locator to find local game stores that might be hosting events and selling cards. If you go to their websites, they’ll often have calendars listing events by date, format, price, and prize. Explore and find one you like. MTG players are generally friendly, and will be willing to accept you into their playgroup, teach you about the game, and maybe even let you borrow a deck!

If you don’t feel like playing in person, there are several online options.

Magic Online (AKA MTGO or MODO) is the primary official way to play. Pay 10$ for an account, and you can buy, sell, and trade cards as if they were real. No really - Magic cards are almost like stocks, and MTGO cards are basically digital versions of Magic cards, so their price will generally mirror their real world counterparts, albeit at a lower price.

Magic Arena (MTGA) is the newest official online game. It only has cards from recent sets, back to Kaladesh, as well as a few odd cards hand-picked for Historic play (a format specific to the game that uses all cards available). Because of the smaller card pool, MTGA is limited to Standard, Brawl, and Historic as the primary game modes. However, it is free to play and your collection can’t be traded, so you collect cards somewhat like Hearthstone.

There are also a few unofficial programs, including Untap.in, XMage, and Cockatrice, which are free and give you access to the full range of cards for testing new decks before you buy them in paper.

Make sure you keep track of MagicFests, official conventions hosted both around the world and online, to meet tons of new people and play in competitive events.

Ultimately, though, many people choose to play at home around the kitchen table with friends and family. Play wherever and however you feel most comfortable; after all, Magic’s best aspect is self-expression.

13. Accessories

Credit: Tolarian Community College

If you’ve visited a local game store by now, you may have noticed that they sell way more than just cards. There are a myriad of accessories you can use to personalize your game and protect your cards.

Dice: from D4′s to D20′s, you can find these in countless colors and styles. Have fun picking your favorite and use them to keep track of life totals, counters, tokens, and more.

Sleeves: These can come in many different colors and designs, but vary wildly in quality. Pick the ones that feel right for you. These will help you shuffle your deck with ease and prevent your cards from getting damaged. Inner and outer sleeves provide additional protection for your most valuable and prized decks.

Deckboxes: Again, tons of variation. The right deckbox for you will depend on how many cards you want to fit in it, if you want space for dice, the design, and much more.

Playmats: These provide a sleek surface for you to easily pick up, tap, and move your cards around. Pick ones with your favorite Magic art, or order one with your own.

Trade Binders: Once you’ve built up a collection, you might have a few valuable cards you want to show off. Put them in a trade binder, and approach people to find other neat cards you might need.

Tolarian Community College on Youtube provides the best reviews of popular accessories, rating and testing them thoroughly. He also dishes out incredible commentary on new sets and the state of the game. Probably the most popular MTG Youtuber out there.

14. Further Resources

You’ve made it this far, but there’s still so much to explore! Here, I’ll be listing plenty of websites that are excellent resources to expand your understanding of the game.

The official rules: Quite dry, but this is where to go if you ever find a confusing interaction.

Tolarian Community College: I just discussed him, but I must reiterate how awesome his channel is. 

Scryfall: A powerful search engine for all the Magic cards you might be looking for. What I’ve been using for card images this whole time. WOTC’s official Gatherer pales in comparison.

TCGPlayer: My favorite way to order cards online, but alternatives include Card Kingdom, StarCityGames, and ChannelFireball.

MTGGoldfish: An excellent all-round resource for keeping track of metagames, card prices, and interesting articles and gameplay. You can also use it to find, build, and share decks and see their prices.

EDHREC: This site conglomerates EDH decks from around the internet to give you a condensed list of the best cards by commander. A must-have resource when building new commander decks.

Last but not least, the best way to learn to play Magic is to watch others. I started out by watching gameplay from Grand Prix’s and other competitions on Youtube. Even though I barely knew what the cards were, I quickly picked up the most popular ones, learned common play patterns, and more. You don’t need to be a pro to learn from them.

15. Have Fun!

Yeah, it’s cheesy, but as I’ve reiterated, Magic is a game of self-expression. With thousands of cards to pick from, plenty of formats, styles, and accessories, customize your play experience as much as you want and be comfortable with that. Meet new people, participate in trading, and play in local events. Magic is what you make of it, so make it the best it can be.

[nochiquinn]

campaign 2 episode 110: there’s a window RIGHT THERE

I got a HAIRCUT. by which I mean I got them ALL CUT, I have 99% less hair and it's GREAT

"a nap"

"rip van widogast"

oh shit he never told everyone the whole story did he

is caleb still lowkey obsessed with what jester thinks of him? I know liam said he didn't share this before bc he was terrified of jester hating him

"I give him a hug" yes good the appropriate response

jester: you wanna kill a bitch? I'm down to kill a bitch if you are

we! love! supportive! friends!

everybody under that kind of abuse deserves a chance to change

"I failed my people." "I think they failed you." caduceussss

"the mighty nein is pretty dope" shirt

"well I hate them all now" correct

I am in favor of surgically removing trent

like, with knives

too topical, dial it back

"taint in the cobalt soul" laura giggling like a child immediately

"I need veth" ;-;

pls show up in xhorhasian clothes

beau: "I can will poison out of my pores" fjord: "bullSHIT"

oh no

(oh yes)

god I hate matt's trent face

all clothes are tear-away if you try hard enough

jester: I AM DOWN TO KILL A BITCH

sam's broken jpeg flask

caleb recogizing that people grow and chaaaaaange

nobody in this group remembers nouns

"I love making little temples" same tbqh

NUGGET

"knock on the door then push in" a knock is not a request it is a warning

OH RIGHT

yasha ;-;

I mean luc has also been through some shit

TWITCH CAN YOU FUCKING NOT

okay it wasn't twitch it was my internet, INTERNET CAN YOU FUCKING NOT

ohh that's where they're gonna do the thingy

"talent comes with height" that explains a lot about me

that's fucking adorable

"smells like old times"

"magic it away" "how?!" "....eldritch blast"

this is also weirdly adorable

"you almost have one whole healer"

what's in the other book caleeeeeb

what if caleb keeps a journal so he never loses that much time ever again

also I feel like this is just how ashley approaches buffets

mala: while they're at it they should go to Emon and see the Tal'dorei Council

"do I need to be in peak form tonight" "you rarely are not" listen I JUST got over my widojest heartache, this episode is killing me

birb?? ?

"mageocracy" tevinter

I was joking but that's some severely dragon age shit

this is amazing

I had to step away from the shopping bc what is an attention span

I don't LIKE IT

I only picture the bedlam house guy from beauty and the beast

"let's do 'get help'"

"the code word is 'yahtzee'" "pick something non-copyright!"

I like nothing about this

there are too many chairs in this room, I'm uncomfortable

so he has surround sound. bitch me too, he ain't special

"we are traveling to the land of nunya"

oh fuck off. fuck O F F

I love you caduceus

"she should get advantage for the fact that we are very attractive"

they do not give a single collective fuck

god caleb knows and is using all the buzzwords

beau

they're all so stupid and I have so much anxiety

"that's why her tits look so amazing"

god his little laugh every time he corrects caleb's name, I want to push him out a window

god, eat shit and DIE

you can receive THESE HANDS

"I WANT HIS SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER"

what do you consider "good people", you dried up xenophobic ass pimple

GET 'IM

I love one (1) cow man

"respectfully"

jester jester-ing all over astrid

consider: jester and cad both grab a mage and poof

the birds work for the bourgeoise

"not if I had to live here"

"I should not" that's the best reason to

liam that's gay

jester <3

my child

"ehhh I think he's a little dumb"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT" - caleb's parents, probably

astrid and eodwulf already had that seed of doubt, they just don't have anywhere, anything, or anyone else

"I didn't ask for - why are you - "

I love jester

MANSION??

"that sure is four walls and a floor"

widogast's wardrobe

nooo I wanna know what the mansion looks liiiike

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 128

Chapter Summary - Danielle is dealing with work, but still thinking about Tom and whatever his call was regarding, while Tom still thinks of how to talk to her, but when he gets a message, he has to think of its meaning.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

Copyright for the photo is the owners, not mine.

I WILL get there, it is my dream!

All image rights belong to their owners

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​​ @jessibelle-nerdy-mum​​ @nonsensicalobsessions​​ @damalseer​​ @hiddlesbitch1​​ @winterisakiller​ @fairlightswiftly​​ @salempoe​​ @wolfsmom1

Danielle stared at the scene in front of her silently as the fire crews deal with the burning rubble, she simply watched them all, studying how they dealt with the situation.

‘You seem distracted.’ She turned slightly as Branagh standing close to her.

‘I think it is more I am trying to keep myself preoccupied.’

‘That’s seldom good.’ he folded his arms and leant against a large container. ‘Is it to do with Tom?’

‘Somewhat.’

‘Dare I ask?’

‘Dare I say anything?’ She challenged. ‘I know Tom looks up to you so much and is so grateful to you and also keeps in contact with you as best he can. You are the reason he got on so well on Wallander.’

‘Tom is the reason he did well there, not me.’

‘Without your guidance, and without your suggestion that he should try for Marvel, he would not have gotten the opportunity to show his incredible talent to the world as he has.’ She countered with a smile.

Branagh could not argue the point too greatly. ‘So what has the very talented Tom done to warrant you trying to occupy your mind with dull after scene work?’ She gave him an analytical look. ‘You are very cautious.’

‘You have to be in this line of work.’

‘I was eager to take you for this job because you were not the same overly cautious as others, you had a daring streak to you, or so I thought.’

‘It takes considerable daring to choose to allow yourself be with someone such as Tom, in the media, surrounded by women of both wealth and talent, and do not get me started on the internet fans.’

‘That is more than a little true,’ Branagh conceded once more. ‘So is the issue one of these women?’

‘Well, he is on a press thingy with Maisie Williams at the moment, and seeing as she is about twenty years old, I think him being interested would send up a few more than the usual warnings, don’t you?’

‘The girl from Game of Thrones?’

‘Arya Stark, yes.’

‘Oh, I was thinking the red-haired one, no, I have you now.’

‘So, no, it is not that. I trust him there. I don’t always trust some women not to try something, but I trust him to decline.’ Branagh nodded slightly. ‘I think he is planning something behind my back and I don’t know what. I don’t think it is negative, but I think he thinks it could be construed as such by me and I have no idea what it is.’ When she looked at the director again, she erupted in laughter. ‘I take it you regret asking?’

‘I have no idea what you just said.’ He confessed.

‘I accidentally heard part of a conversation that I assume I was not supposed to hear and Tom mentioned that no, he didn’t ask me something because he was frightened what I would say, and now I am wracking my brains trying to figure out what this is because he is all addled by it, which is making me all addled by it, and I am fucking losing sleep at this stage and I bet, knowing him, it is something fucking mundane and all this is just us losing our heads for nothing.’ Branagh frowned. ‘Yeah, you regret asking.’ She chuckled before looking to the side at her paperwork, which was being kept safe from the elements in a file. ‘Fuck, this is miserable.’

‘Can you imagine how these people actually felt?’

‘I dare say Dublin was confused.’

‘Yeah, well, neutral means neutral, right?’

‘You think the Germans were right to do it?’ Branagh asked curiously.

‘Not particularly, but I understand their reasons. Belfast was us helping our own, but if we were helping a British occupied area, that’s not neutral, is it?’

‘You are a very intelligent woman. You look at all the angles, not just your own.’

‘Would you expect anything less from someone with Tom?’ There was a moment’s silence and a knowing look. ‘There is a lot of things she can be called, stupid is not one of them.’ She winked.

‘You think so?’

‘I know so. She is smart, there nothing wrong in acknowledging that. A different type of smart though. I read Yeats because I love his work, I doubt she ever even heard of him.’

‘Yeats, not Shakespeare?’

‘Nah, I’ll stick to Irish.’

‘But you know….?’

‘Yes, doesn’t everyone know his work? I think there are street children in Sri Lanka that know his name.’

‘Favourite play?’

‘Are you going to judge me on it?’ She asked with a raised brow.

‘Very much so.’

‘As You Like It.’ Branagh stared at her in interest. ‘Not what you were expecting?’

‘Not at all. An interesting choice.’

‘Some of his most famous quotes are from it, “All the world’s a stage” and “Too much of a good thing”. It is overlooked because it is a comedy and not a tragedy, but I love it.’ She smiled. She was about to say more when she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket, as soon as she felt it buzz again, she excused herself and got to a sheltered spot. When she pulled it out, she saw Emma’s name on the screen. ‘Ems?’

‘Hey.’

‘Is everything alright?’ There was a definite something to Emma’s tone that worried her.

‘I was ringing to ask you.’ Danielle looked at the phone in confusion. ‘Tom seems odd.’

‘Tom is odd at the best of times, Ems, but yes, I think he is a little off of late. He seems like something is bothering him and I am trying to let him to talk to me whenever it suits but he has said nothing, so I didn’t want to talk about it and possibly make a mountain out of a molehill because I could be utterly wrong and be reading things arseways.’

‘Yeah. I don’t know.’ Emma conceded. ‘Maybe it’s just that he misses you.’

‘Perhaps.’ Danielle laughed. ‘How are you?’

‘Okay, I guess. I really need a catch-up.’

‘I am home at the end of the week, we will sort one then.’

‘Okay. I will see you then, I have news.’

‘Wait, what is the news?’

‘I’ll tell you then.’

‘Emma!’

‘I will talk to you then.’ She insisted, though Danielle could hear her smile. ‘Bye.’

‘Worst friend ever,’ She growled at the phone as Emma giggled and hung up. Only after she hung up did she sense another in the room, turning around, she gave a small smile. ‘Hello, ignore me and my madness.’

Redmayne laughed, stirring his tea. ‘You’re quite alright, I am sorry for having accidentally eavesdropped on your conversation.’

‘It’s nothing, just Tom’s sister worrying about him.’

‘Is something wrong?’

‘Not that I know, but I have been busy here not allowing you all be blown up, so I doubt he would tell me if there was, he would want me concentrating on this.’ She sighed. ‘In all fairness, I probably should not have anyone distract me in this utter clusterfuck of things that could go really badly.’

‘Was that fire supposed to be so intense?’

‘From what the effects guys were saying, I don’t think so, but they are not telling me if it is wrong, and I am not going to be popular when I ask later.’

‘You work really hard.’

‘Doesn’t most anyone here. I mean, look at that costume, someone sat sewing that for hours.’ She pointed to the uniform he was wearing under a jacket. ‘It’s not an easy job getting these gigs, so you have to be good.’ She stated, grabbing a bottle of water and heading back outside.

*

Tom watched the dogs run around the dog park happily, chasing one another and interacting with the other canines. He was still contemplating how to bring it up to Danielle without her feeling like it was pressuring her. He wanted nothing more than to get it off her chest. At first, before she left, he thought there was something bothering her, but it was clear from their conversations on the phone since their separation, that she knew something was bothering him and was waiting for him to talk about it. Sighing, he thought more about how to just ask her.

When he received a message, he thought to ignore it while out, but instead, he decided to see if it was the alterations Luke said his PA would send on regarding the Blue Peter episode he was going on. When he looked at his phone, he frowned and inhaled deeply, reading Redmayne’s words carefully, he knew the answer to the question asked.

Is there a reason you haven’t asked her yet?

[urihu]

crazysycho mentioned you in a photo

@urihu i will not do that im sorry but i put a copyright thingy in

crazysycho mentioned you in a photo

@urihu all due respect but no i will use pinterest as my source thank u very much

You are an art thief. Those artists whose work you are posting depend on it to live. Whenever you post their art with no link and no name you are

a) being a bad influence

b) taking food from their mouths

You have no respect for anyone so stop washing your mouth with pretty words. You are a thief and a hypocrite.

Guys, this person has a side blog https://anime4lifw.tumblr.com/

It is full of art uploads with no source.

Please check to see if your artwork has been stolen. Don’t like or reblog things from anime4lifw

Find original artists and reblog from them.

[specsnsarcasm]

My Review of... ‘Passengers’

I finally got around to seeing the movie Passengers (2016) and umm… what the hecking heck was that?!?!

[Warning: SPOILERS AHEAD!]

CASTING PROBLEMS:

First of all, I know it’s supposed to be everybody’s cinematic wet dream, putting Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt together (the way people wanted to see what the offspring of the two so-called “most beautiful people in the world” - Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt - would look like). It was the people’s experiment! Put these two “likeable”, “relatable”, “funny”, good-looking people together, and watch the movie magic unfold! So riddle me this: why put these two in a sci-fi drama of all things, when a simple rom-com would have sufficed!?

Second, I don’t think these two had much chemistry. Sure, they don’t do anything empirically wrong (save a little overacting here and there), but I just didn’t believe them as a couple. I was very aware that I was watching two people acting the way you think two people should when they’re in love. You can practically see the weight of everyone’s expectations on their shoulders. Be sexy! Be charming! Be perfect! I wondered if they had any fun making this movie at all!

I also found something very odd about this pairing. Maybe it’s the age difference (25, at the time, to his 36)? I find that Lawrence tends to play too mature for her real age, playing a lot of late-20′s or 30-something characters. She has lots of time for that, but I guess she’s highly bankable right now and can physically play a wide range? Hollywood is not kind to women. They cast a 25 year old as a 35 year old, and a 35 year old as dust (but that’s another story). Or maybe it’s the imbalance of star power? She is arguably the bigger star. Either way, something was off. 

I maintain that Pratt’s best work is as a comedic actor. I know he’s trying to branch out or whatever, but I just don’t buy him as a “leading man”. Not in an all-out, dramatic role. Not yet, anyway. He was good in Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) as the wise-cracking, cocksure rebel. And in Jurassic World (2015) as a more rugged, wise-cracking, cocksure rebel. And in The Magnificent Seven (2016) as an EVEN MORE rugged, wise-cracking, cocksure rebel. He just didn’t quite fit the bill here for me. Although he plays it straight, he kept making me laugh unintentionally (that’s the problem with getting typecast). Especially with three, count em’, one, two, THREE gratuitous butt shots. (We get it!!! BUTTS!). Anyway, dozens of other, half-decent “name” actors could have done a perfectly serviceable job in this role, so by casting Pratt, you’re asking for something that only Pratt can do well. Let him do his thing if that’s why you like him so much!

CHARACTER/STORY PROBLEMS:

Right away, the movie has parallels to the extremely hard-to-top The Martian (2015). But this film has neither the charm, humour, or the gravitas. I found myself comparing Jim to Mark Watney. Both are stranded and alone, both have technical skills. However, unlike Jim, Mark has the mental fortitude NOT to crack almost immediately under pressure. Not that I judge Jim, but the emotional progression in The Martian seems more steady and realistic than in this, which dealt with its characters' emotional journeys very superficially. I didn’t feel that the movie did a good enough job of tapping into Jim’s early despair, psychology, or the agoraphobia of space. At one point when things start to go wrong with the ship, Lawrence’s character says that she was trapped in her room for days. Show me, don’t tell me! That would have been interesting to see! Just as it would have been interesting to see (not just glean) how Jim and Aurora live out the remainder of their years. I thought the movie would eventually get to it. They don’t. Superficiality was a running theme.   

Another one of the film’s downfalls is the lack of curiosity about its own premise: the science fiction of it all! I wondered about their training on Earth beforehand, and why Jim doesn’t scan through the other bios to find a doctor, biologist, or another engineer - someone with whom he can work the problem! I want so badly for Jim to “science the shit” out of something, as Watney does. Instead, he opts for the company of the aptly named (if not a little on-the-nose) sleeping beauty, Aurora; a writer, who isn’t very helpful in that regard. For such a futuristic premise, the story is disappointingly regressive. (i.e. a love interest with nothing to offer but being pretty? Okay). 

The two of them experience no real sense of existential wonder/dread, curiosity about the ship, about the technology, about space. It's all restaurants and fucking on cafeteria tables! They might as well have been at an Earth resort! At one point, they are literally standing up close to a Red Giant, but they look at it for all of two seconds before they’re like “OK cool. Welp! Let’s go have sex now!” This isn’t so much a science fiction movie as it is a 'bottle' drama, that happens to be set on a space ship. The location is completely secondary, and the beautiful visuals of space and the ship are just convenient backdrops to the “will they or won’t they?” romance. *Sigh*.

One of the most interesting parts of the story, I found, which they don't even discuss, is the nebulous “Homestead Corporation”. It manufactures faulty pods, and even in the future on other planets, it treats passengers by class. I wonder what sort of civilization they hope to create on a new planet by doing this. Is this the reality that people have accepted in the future? Is there any opposition to this? By whom? They mention other colonies: what do they look like? How do they function politically? Do other countries or competing companies possess these technologies too? Is it completely private, non-governmental or governmental? If so, do countries own planets, or is it just corporations? They could make a whole movie out of this! (Copyright: Specsnsarcasm, 2017. haha)! In essence, it’s similar to the Weyland Corporation in Alien (1979) & Prometheus (2012).

MAJOR PROBLEMS

Arthur and its whole vibe. I was instantly creeped out by Arthur the android (played by the delightful Martin Sheen). It operates a bar that is decorated in 70′s decor that is reminiscent of The Shining (1980). The reason for this retro aesthetic is kind of confusing and jarring on such a futuristic vessel (but sure!). But it also primed me to think that, like the bartender in The Shining, there was something amiss about Arthur. It befriends (as much as an android can) Jim first, then Aurora. Early on, Jim entrusts it not to divulge his terrible secret to Aurora. A promise which Arthur makes, yet readily betrays. But why would Arthur tell her? It’s an android, it has no moral imperative to divulge the truth. Nor does it have any reason to show loyalty to Aurora over Jim or betray an expressed request. This tricked me into thinking there was an Alien/Prometheus situation going on with Arthur, in that it was secretly behind some of the mischief that was going on aboard the ship. But OF COURSE that turned out to be a red herring (because that would be TOO interesting). The reason for Arthur’s slip is NEVER explained, nor is it ever addressed. Jim isn’t even mad! He doesn’t even find it strange that he was outed by the machine, and they literally never mention it again. WTF?  

Laurence Fishburne is utterly wasted in this film! Practically blink-and-you’ll-miss-him (rude)! He only wakes up so that the two protagonist can have a mind-boggling, deus ex machina way of saving themselves with his security clearance bracelet thingie. And why was his pod the only faulty pod to cause terminal illness? (THAT'S RACIST! Jk. lol). Shouldn’t Jim have also had some health problems, though less severe? (Sometimes I wonder why Larry and Sam Jackson put up with this shit, but ANYway...👀). Also embarrassingly wasted in his role is Andy Garcia there at the end. Poor, poor Andy. Such disrespect! He grew that great big beautiful bushy beard for nothing! lol.

Also, why is there only ONE medical pod on a ship with 5000 ppl and 258 crew? That ratio seems dangerously low and irresponsible to me, even if they were only intended to survive on the ship out of suspension for 4 months before reaching the planet.

CONCLUSION

In the end, I’m not upset because this was a romance posing as sci-fi film. I would have loved to see a good sci-fi OR a good romance movie. Unfortunately, this rather middling on both fronts. It had boundless potential, and I guess I just expected more. With the quality of TV shows these days (as well as the price of a movie), you’re going to have to do a lot more than toss two good looking people on screen with some candy coloured effects to get people interested.  

I suspect this film started out as an entirely different movie than the one we ended up with (judging from the big name actors in almost cameo roles). Perhaps it had more of a sci-fi story, but it was changed to feature the love story more heavily?

On the pairing: as much as the internet likes to get its way and see the fruits of its fan pairings come to life on screen, I think this is a cautionary tale about how real life sometimes falls short of our imagination (see: the Veronica Mars movie). It’s also yet another cautionary tale for Hollywood about why they need to re-evaluate their strategy of big budget SFX movies with paltry scripts. The ability to develop interesting, in-depth characters is why cable television and streaming services are eclipsing movies, who routinely struggle to meet box-office expectations. 

[Note: These are just my opinions. I’m not a professional critic, I just like to watch movies and write about them!].

[evenstevensranked]

#38: Season 1, Episode 17 - “Get A Job”

In order to afford a Sludgie (a.k.a slushie) machine for his room, Louis opens his own Doggy Daycare. But like most things Louis attempts, it quickly becomes difficult for him to handle. Meanwhile, Steve and Donnie bond over destroying a birdhouse. 

This one opens with Louis trying to butter Steve up in preparation to drop the “Buy me a Sludgie machine” bomb. Which is definitely supposed to be a “Slushie” or “Slush Puppie” machine, but I’m assuming those words are copyrighted. Louis decorates the entire house for Father’s Day… even though it ain’t father’s day. “But, every day is father’s day, Dad… when you have the perfect dad, Dad!” Louis cannot genuinely think that this could work. After prefacing the Sludgie question with a dramatic story about how the machine is going to be thrown out of a store that’s closing unless Louis rescues the inanimate object from the potential clutches of an evil child — Steve drops a bomb of his own: “Get a job.” Oh, boy. Why are those words so… terrifying? Even today as a 24-year-old adult, those 3 words send a shiver down my spine. They scream “you’re getting older, get over it” to me. I don’t know. Louis and old-fashioned work isn’t exactly a match made in heaven, though. So you already know he’s gonna spin the job angle into something ridiculous.

Louis is wearing an “I ♥ DAD” shirt to really sell it!

Steve suggests that Louis should ask Ren for help, since she just so happens to be running a youth career planning center from her room. Of course she is. Something I really like about the scene where Louis asks her for a job, is the names of the other kids already there waiting. Ren refers to them by their last names, and they’re all names of writers/crew members!! “Dearborn” - The show’s creator, Matt Dearborn. “Cunningham” - One of the writers for this episode, Sarah Jane Cunningham. And “Kaiser” another writer for a different episode, Brooke Kaiser. This is so cute to me. It’s not the only time the writers have done something like this either. This only further supports my idea that one of the writers must’ve lived down the street from Del’s Pizzeria. These kids have zero lines though, and it’s kinda funny and obvious that Disney didn’t wanna pay people more than they had to. Ren talks to the kids and they just... smile... as a response, lol. It’s awkward. She gives the Cunningham girl a job at a movie theater concession stand and tells her “Here’s a tip... Extra salt on the popcorn = they’ll buy more drinks.” This has always stuck with me. How slimy. 

So, Louis busts in asking for a “teen job thingy” (perfect!) and I freaking love when Ren questions Louis about his career goals. He’s so sarcastic in the most deadpan way. He says he wants to ride a motorcycle in the globe of doom in Vegas, is “hoping to move to Donnie’s room” in five years time, and refers to some guy at a donut shop with a claw hand as the public figure he most respects. I love Louis. Then we get a montage of Louis failing at every job Ren gives him. This is actually something that’s a little off about this episode, and I never noticed it until my series re-watch for this project. There’s, like.. 5 montages in this episode. I have to admit that’s a little overkill. To an extent, this almost doesn’t even feel like an episode. That many montages means there’s hardly any actual dialogue. It’s weird.

Anyway, one of the jobs Louis fails at is “Mass Mail Marketing” a.k.a licking envelops. They decided to use this annoying CGI tongue for the scene, which I hate and always have hated. It’s not the only time they use the CGI tongue either, tragically. Like I’ve said before, stuff like that just comes across as something thrown in for a cheap laugh. I’ve literally never thought it was funny. In fact, I usually cringe a bit when they pull stuff like this. Sigh. 

Um, this actually looks a little... off-color. Ew. 

Louis returns to Ren asking for another job as long as it doesn’t involve licking. She finds one for him, but quickly takes it back saying “...but that involves some light licking...” WHAT THE HELL kind of jobs does she have in this database of hers?! Louis goes on to fail at being a paper boy and a restaurant mascot. That’s three strikes, so he’s dead to Ren now. Louis goes to a local park, all depressed and emo over being a failure — when suddenly a stray dog sits with him. He has a heart-to-heart with the dog saying “I’m just not one of those job people you hear so much about.” I relate to this on an emotionally deep level. Within a minute, he gets the idea to start "Louis' Doggy Daycare" to hang out with dogs all day and make quick money. There’s a short montage of Louis hanging up fliers and I feel like Shia thought it was hilarious. I mean… Look at the photo on the flier, lol. 

His shirt says “I ♥ DOGS” Amazing. Not to mention, that dog is actually… smiling. The fact that Shia even posed for that photo is iconic, lol. He seems to be genuinely laughing about it here, which is great. 

Louis’ first client, Mrs. Walters, shows up with her little pooch named “Poopsy.” I love this so much. My mom and I quote this lady all the time when we talk to our own little dog. She speaks in such a strangely deep baby voice with all these dips and inflections. We always say “My little pOOOoPSEHHHH!” in her voice, lol. I can’t even explain it. She drops Poopsy off and says “Bye-bye, my preciousss!” but Louis cuts her off by saying “Please. Call me Louis.” I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!

Ren is impressed that Louis seems to’ve thought this through and is babysitting a dog. Until she sees that he’s babysitting, like.. 25 dogs.

Ren: Louis, are you crazy?! 

Louis: Crazy for canines. 

There’s a slightly annoyingly obvious pop culture reference to the famous “Dogs Playing Poker” paintings here. It’s whatever. Fine, I guess. But, it just feels like an easy idea to go with.

Now the dogs get antsy and Louis has to take them for a walk. I swear to GOD!!!! This is one of the funniest moments in the whole series. It’s so simple and stupid but I somehow die laughing every time. The dogs are too much for Louis to handle, so he eventually falls and gets dragged by the dogs. Except Louis becomes an OBVIOUS dummy, which is the point, and it’s hilarious to me.

Look at this. Just LOOK!!! The longer it loops, the funnier it gets. The fact that tiny dogs are dragging him so strongly makes it even better.

When they get back from their walk, Louis puts on The Adventures of Milo and Otis for the dogs to watch.. which is another real life reference. But tell me why all I could think of is the Jonas Brothers episode of Hannah Montana where Miley and Lily disguise themselves as... Milo and Otis... 

Around here is where we really dive into Steve and Donnie’s subplot. Which I actually think has some really strong moments. Both of these characters, especially Donnie, are so underrated. The two find the shambles of an old birdhouse dubbed “Feather-Feather Land” that they started building when Donnie was little, but never finished. They decide to start working on it again and end up completely butting heads about everything all day. Donnie thinks he’s reading the instructions for the birdhouse, but he’s actually reading the instructions for the garage door opener.. which is great. (“Didn’t you find it odd that a birdhouse would have a remote control?!”) They continue to pettily argue over every little thing. One of my favorite moments is when Donnie yells at Steve “You’re making me nervous hovering over me like that!!” To which Steve responds “I’m not hovering… I’m overseeing. At a close distance.” I use this all the time, omg. My other favorite bit is when the mood starts to become less tense and more lighthearted between them. Steve put a “vacancy” sign on the house and Donnie says “What’s with the vacancy sign, Dad? …BIRDS CAN’T READ!” It cracks me up every time. Basically, one thing leads to another and they decide to completely destroy the birdhouse for fun. It’s pretty great.

The sound of destruction coming from the basement causes the dogs to run absolutely wild. This is another montage. It ends with Poopsy completely covered in toilet paper in Ren’s room which I think is super adorable and too cute not to include here.

Louis eventually gets all of the dogs under control conveniently right before all of their owners arrive. This scene is too much. The owners show up one by one to pick up their dogs, and they’re all one-dimensional looking stereotypes??? It’s so ridiculous, lol.

One’s a punk, one’s a hippie, and that last guy is a construction worker you guys! Just in case you couldn’t tell by the fact he’s WEARING HIS HARD HAT LIKE A FASHION STATEMENT.

Louis is all proud of himself once every dog is gone and he’s raked in all the moolah. Except, all the dogs aren’t gone. Mrs. Walters shows up looking for Poopsy. Turns out lil Poopsy is missing in the house somewhere. Louis dramatically puts on a crying act and asks Ren for help with tracking the dog down. Sad violin plays and he starts talking about how Ren was always right… He is a failure. “I’m gonna be in circuses known as The Boy Who Can’t Do Anything. Step right up!! …just don't expect much.” - I love this line sooo much and the way Shia delivers it all fake-sad. Oh my god. This leads us to yet another montage of Louis distracting Mrs. Walters while Ren runs around looking for Poopsy. Obviously, they find him (yes, Poopsy is a boy) and everything’s fine. Yay!

Louis ends up spending his money on a churro machine instead, lol. I never knew what churros were before this show, and Ren’s description of “deep fried dough dipped in sugar” always makes me craaaaave churros. To this day, I still haven’t had one. I never understood how the machine works though. It doesn’t look like the kind of thing that MAKES the churros… rather, just holds them and keeps them hot. So, does Louis make them and then store them in the case??? Who knows.

Another “I ♥ ____” tshirt! That might be one too many, lol. Although, it’s probably meant to highlight Louis’ fickleness. One minute, he loves his dad. The next, he loves dogs. Now? Forget the dogs and the man who gave him life -- churros own his heart. 

So yeah! That’s the episode. This one honestly goes by lightning fast, and I think that’s because of the montages. I’ve always really enjoyed this one, though. From the Poopsy lady, to the Louis dummy, to birds not being able to read vacancy signs... I like it a lot. 

Thanks for reading! :) This review was actually really fun to write, haha. Chime in via Disqus belowww.

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[a-alhazred]

The Mind’s Eye

Back in the nineties my brother had gotten some VHS tapes of the Mind’s Eye series. The first one was just The Mind’s Eye, followed by Beyond the Mind’s Eye, The Gate to the Mind’s Eye, and Odyssey into the Mind’s Eye. They’re basically tech demos for CGI, which of course wasn’t nearly as impressive at the time as it is now. I have no idea where any specific shots come from (save for scenes from The Lawnmower Man that are in Beyond, in a segment appropriately titled “Virtual Reality”) and have always assumed they’re mostly compilations from art students or somesuch. I have DVDs of Beyond and Gate tucked away in a box somewhere and I know the production company that made them made a bunch of other similar things with vastly different titles, none of which I ever had the money to afford, sadly. The Mind’s Eye series are the only ones I’ve ever seen anyone on the Internet even mention.

Anyway, this stuff has stuck with me through the years. It’s all relatively early CGI but most of it isn’t even attempting to be realistic and its whimsy has aged pretty well. The soundtracks are probably just as big a reason why I’ve never forgotten this stuff, as it always goes along swimmingly (literally, in the case of “Oceanic Celebration” in Odyssey) with the visuals.

Thus, apropos of nothing, I’m sharing some segments from Beyond, Gate and Odyssey from my playlist of favorites (which is here if you want more, and you can easily find the entire movies just by searching the titles on the youtubes.)

Too Far, #6 from Beyond. Very silly, very catchy tune. Very ‘50s in some places, also with a very silly couch potato who desperately needs a new neck. “Too far, take it easy, it’s alright!”

Windows, #7 from Beyond. Very chill, very relaxing, very chillaxing. Features several windows.

Armageddon, #1 from Gate. Kind of an assey upload, but it’s probably the best one of this particular segment. There are uploads of the entirety of Gate that are better quality, at least. Anyway, oh snap, getting serious! The back of the box for Gate attempts to give a plot to the thing; the flying robot dude named “Alloy” (who was named something completely different by its creators considering the copyright line on the box) has had a vision of the end of the world and is rebooting all of existence. This is thus quite the cavalcade of apocalyptic imagery with a really catchy tune where 75% of the lyrics are the word “Armageddon,” although still rather light and often fantastical. See if you can spot the neon Sonic on a building while the weird hovercar is bumping into things.

Valley of the Mind’s Eye, #6 from Gate. Pretty much the opposite of “Armageddon,” not the one that shows any kind of direct reversal, but a take on making progress.

Nuvogue, #7 from Gate. Pretty much ditching the “plot” here unless you really want to wank about it. The musical number here involves, among other things, CGI birds and chrome trombone players being watched by a family of eyeballs and other weirdness.

Quantum Mechanic, #8 from Gate. The title is probably the best short description of most of the imagery here, but there’s also a herd of guitars hanging out in some lava, lots of morphing faces, pretty lights, and my favorite part, a really trippy epileptic sequence on a spinning thingy with people disappearing and reappearing between frames.

Oceanic Celebration, #1 from Odyssey. Dolphins! Sea monsters! Weird golden pyramid with a face in in it! Dolphins in Hawaiian shirts! The last shot is also dolphins doing something pretty neat, but I won’t spoil it. I remember reviews pegging Odyssey as the most mediocre of the series, but it certainly starts great.

One Dark World, #9 from Odyssey. Space, and lots of it. More slow and ponderous compared to the space-themed segments from Gate, and honestly not as good as Gate’s “N. E. O.,” but a little more relaxing.