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Void - Part 7 (M)

title banner by @rude–jude♡

Genre: Sci-fi with a little angst and a LOT of smut

Pairing: BTS x Reader (yup - all seven)

Summary: You are the only female crew member on a 12 year space mission with seven handsome men. The sexual tension is real, y’all.

Word Count: 10.9k

Part 7 / ?

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Warnings: explicit sexual content, alcohol masturbation, voyeurism, more non-monogamy

The men at the table stare at you, dumb-founded. Jungkook’s mouth hangs open. Hoseok hides his mouth behind his hand; his eyes are wide with shock. Jimin spins around, trying to gauge the others’ reactions. Namjoon leans back in his chair, face unreadable, his chin resting on his hand as he looks from you to your powerpoint. Jin laughs uncomfortably then clears his throat and silence falls again.

Yoongi speaks first. “You put sources on your powerpoint about how we should all start fucking?”

“It’s important to cite your sources,” you mutter, shuffling your feet.

Taehyung sits up straighter on his cot. “Are you saying we should start fucking you or each other?”

“Well, the bonobos do both. They are fully bisexual. Almost all aggressive contests are settled by sex. Even when two males squabble over a female, they often resolve it by rubbing their genitals together.”

“What?” Hoseok injects. “You want us to start rubbing our genitals together?” His cheeks blush.

“No, no, no.” You shake your head. “I meant you all should have sex with me.” Your own cheeks heat up as you say it. “I can’t control what you do with other people. In an ideal world, it would be both. But it seemed best to start with me.”

Jungkook mouths the words “start with” to himself, still staring at the table.

“But like, how would that work logistically?” Taehyung asks.

“Well, there are seven of you, so that could be like one per day. Take a week off for my period.”

Jimin splutters, whirling to face Yoongi. “Did you put her up to this?”

Yoongi shakes his head, frowning.

“No one put me up to this!” you argue. “This is what I think is best for the mission.”

An explosion of opinions pours out of all the men at once. Hoseok is swearing under his breath. Taehyung is trying to get Jimin’s attention, but Jimin is arguing with Yoongi. Jungkook wants to know how you decide who goes first. Jin says something to Namjoon that you can’t hear.

“So, um…” You struggle to regain command of the room over the chatter. “My period starts tomorrow, so take a few days to think about it.”

“Officer.” Namjoon’s deep voice cuts over everyone else and the conversation at the table ceases. “You and I need to speak privately. Now.”

The commander stands up from the table and gestures toward the door. The rest of the crew looks back and forth between the two of you wearing expressions of shock and confusion.

You avoid their gazes as you follow Namjoon’s direction out into the hallway. He steps out after you, closing the door behind him. A flurry of chatter resumes after the door shuts, but it’s too muffled to hear what the rest of the crew are saying. You and Namjoon stare at each other.

“So…” you say, shifting your weight between your feet.

“Let’s talk in my office,” he says, squeezing past you and moving in the direction of the sleep pods.

You examine him from behind as you follow him to his office, trying to gauge what he’s thinking. Are his shoulders tense? Is he angry with you? Are you about to be scolded?

His office is also his bedroom. And you did just offer to fuck him, no strings attached. But of all your crew, Namjoon is the one that you have the most strictly professional relationship with. His walls are almost as impenetrable as yours. But he is a man, right? And men like sex, right? It would have been more awkward to not include him. This wasn’t about personal feelings. It was about the mission. And you were all in the mission together.

________

Sweat pools at the base of your spine under the hot studio lights. A reporter drums her long red nails on her clipboard as the sound technician adjusts the microphones between interviews.

Press junkets are your least favorite part of the job, made all the worse by your mission director insisting you all dress in full launch gear, despite the launch still being two weeks away.

“This is the last one.” Namjoon turns around from his front and center seat to whisper to the rest of the crew.

Yoongi groans, rubbing his face with his hands. “Why do we have so many of them when they all ask the same questions?”

The eight of you have been trapped in this room all day as a parade of different reporters trail in and ask the same inane questions.

This new reporter opens with a softball. “How’s the food?”

“Good!” Namjoon patiently answers this question for the third time today. “The ICSE has recruited the top food scientists to figure out which foods hold their flavor and nutrition best in long term storage. And our chief botanist here is going to keep us well stocked with fruits and vegetables. Right, officer?” He gestures for you to chime in.

“Yup!” You are grateful to Namjoon for pitching you a question that isn’t about you being the only woman in a crew full of men. You’ve already had to explain how periods in space work twice today (short answer: pretty much the same way they work on Earth). “We have lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, peas, bean, soy, carrots, cabbage, chilis, potatoes, lemons, oranges and strawberries, plus a bunch of fresh herbs. They even found a way for us to grow mushrooms out of our culinary compost.”

The reporter makes a disgusted face at the idea of compost mushrooms and pivots to a new line of questioning. “What will you miss most about home?”

“Why don’t we go around the group?” Namjoon prompts. Even your commander seems to be fading in enthusiasm by this point. “I’m going to miss long walks in the fresh air, and my family, of course.”

Most of the crew answers with some variation of friends and family. Yoongi will miss his brother’s cooking. Taehyung will miss his dog who is going to live with his parents. Jungkook will miss long showers and his mom.

“What’s one personal item you’re taking with you?” she asks.

Namjoon is bringing a Chinese elm bonsai tree that he calls his tiny friend. Hoseok is bringing a stuffed Earth plushie given to him by his niece. Jin is bringing vodka.

The reporter narrows her eyes at the mention of alcohol and leans forward. “So what do you do if you feel a crew member’s judgement has been compromised?”

“We have protocols in place,” Namjoon answers. “Tests of cognitive impairment and such. We’re also coached in what we call “expeditionary behaviors” which are key to maintaining peace and cooperation on board.

Yoongi chimes in. “The key to solving all disputes is our ability to be honest with each other. When there is a problem, we sit down as a group and discuss it.”

“Our readers are saying what a tragedy it is that we are shipping seven of our most eligible bachelors off to space for a decade.” She laughs. “Any broken hearts being left here on Earth?”

“Oh!” Namjoon draws back and looks unsuredly at the rest of the group. This was not a question he was expecting to be asked today. “Umm…” he laughs nervously.

“My mom is devastated!” Jin cracks from the back row and the rest of the crew laughs in relief.

But the reporter doesn’t want to let go of this idea so quickly, so she turns to you. “Well, you must certainly enjoy having such handsome crew members.”

“Uh…” To your complete mortification, you actually blush in response. You clench your fist to try to get a grip. To your right, Hoseok’s hand flinches, as if he can feel the need to hold you back. “I’m going on this mission to find life on other planets.” You grit your teeth. “My only interest in my crew is whether or not they do their jobs.”

The woman shakes her head, laughing. “Doesn’t hurt that they look good doing it.”

_______

Namjoon opens the door to his office and gestures for you to enter. The number of papers on his desk seems to have multiplied, which theoretically shouldn’t be possible.

“I’m going to say three words to you,” Namjoon says as he closes the door behind him. “And then I need you to repeat them back to me: banana, river, finger.”

“Namjoon,” you cross your arms. “I’m not cognitively impaired right now.”

He mirrors your closed stance. “Please repeat the words.”

You sigh. “Banana, river, finger.”

He pulls a piece of paper from his desk and wipes it clean, before handing it to you, along with a pen. “I need you to draw a clock face.”

“Seriously?”

“Set it to quarter past eight.”

“This isn’t necessary, commander,” you grumble as you take the pen and paper, drawing a rudimentary clock face and setting the hands to 8:15. “See?” You hand the paper back to him and he inspects it.

He nods, rubbing his chin. “Repeat the three words again.”

“Banana, river, finger.” You put your hands on your hips. “You think my judgement is compromised?”

Namjoon sighs. “Everything seems to be in order. You must admit, your behavior recently has been uncharacteristic to say the least. Are you sure everything is okay?”

“Well, no, everything is not okay, that’s why I’m doing this.”

He leans against his desk, looking you up and down. “I fail to see how fraternizing with the entire crew will improve things.”

The back of your neck heats up in embarrassment, but you press on. You need the commander to be onboard with your plan.

“You admit we have a morale problem, right?”

He nods. “Hard to suggest otherwise. What with all the recent events.”

“Okay, so I was going through the principles of expeditionary behavior last night as I figured out what to do. Principle One: Communication - talk so you are clearly understood, talk about intentions before taking action, share information freely.”

“I know the principles.” Namjoon interrupts.

“But don’t you see? That’s why I had to call the meeting. Why I had to get everything out in the open, share information freely.”

“That explains why you needed to inform the crew of your relationship with Jimin. It doesn’t explain why you think it would be good to involve everyone.”

“Principle Two: Self-care - manage psychological and physiological health, balance work, rest, and personal time, be proactive to stay healthy and mitigate stress.”

Namjoon arches an eyebrow. “A lack of sex doesn’t damage your health.”

“With all due respect commander, I think it does.”

“There are outlets to relieve sexual urges other than exploiting our only female crew member.”

“Well, they were all trading porn with each other. That’s how this whole thing started.” Namjoon purses his lips in thought. That seems to be new information to your commander. You continue your argument. “Principle Three: Team-care - monitor team for signs of stress and fatigue - which we have a multitude of, cooperate rather than compete, encourage participation in team activities.”

“Are you considering this a team activity?”

“Well, yes. Like the bonobos do.”

Namjoon shakes his head. “Let me speak so I am clearly understood. I can’t prevent you or the rest of the crew from doing what you want to do with your personal time. But I can’t participate in it either. I’m the commanding officer on this ship. It’s inappropriate. We can’t have an equitable relationship.”

“That’s why it’s not a relationship though, it’s just sex. And if everyone involved is consenting...”

He rubs the back of his neck. “Let’s be honest about intent for a minute. Is that really what you want? You want all seven of us?”

“Umm…” Your stomach churns as you are unable to admit that, yes, that is what you want. “I think it’s best for the mission.”

“Part of principle three is to volunteer for unpleasant tasks if they benefit the team. Are you sure that’s not what you’re doing right now, officer?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” Though embarrassing to admit, boning your attractive colleagues is not an unpleasant task in the slightest.

“You should also consider the fact that whatever forms do get signed will have to be sent back to mission control. And may get out to the press.”

“I thought HR decisions were confidential.”

“Juicy stories have a tendency to find their way out. Especially when they distract from failed missions that added years on to our trip.”

“I understand, commander. Information must be shared freely. I still think this plan is necessary if we’re going to complete this mission successfully.”

“Okay.” Namjoon sighs, dropping his hands to his sides. “It would seem there is no talking you out of it.”

“No, sir. I intend to implement with full commitment.”

The two of you stare at each other for a minute. An immovable object and an unstoppable force.

“So… should I go?”

“Yes, you’re dismissed.”

________

After the press junket is mercifully over, Hoseok catches you in the hallway.

“Hey, you coming to Tae and Jimin’s quarantine party tonight?” Tonight is the last night you all are allowed to see other people before you enter your two-week quarantine prior to launch. “Seems like you could use a drink.”

“I don’t know,” you sigh, leaning against the wall.

“What’s on your mind?” He leans next to you.

“That last reporter, she got in my head.” You rub your forehead.

Hoseok rubs the back of his neck. His jawline tenses as he mulls over what to say.

Hoseok is so handsome. And smart. And newly single. He broke up with his girlfriend a couple of weeks ago before signing the final mission papers. And now he was going to be the one of only seven people in your whole world.

In another life, you would want to date him. You’d be dying to go to a party with him and plot how to get him alone for part of the evening. In another life, you would have fallen in love with him. But in this life, he’d been dating someone else for the whole time you’ve known him. And you have a mission.

What’s most grating is that the gossip columnist isn’t wrong. You’d be hard pressed to find a better set of men anywhere on Earth than the seven you were leaving with. They were all attractive, smart, kind, disciplined, athletic young men. It would be much easier to be entirely professional if you had a crew of balding middle-aged men.

“Do you think it's a mistake? Me going on this mission?” you finally ask.

“What?” Hoseok gasps. “No! Why would you think that?”

“The mission director said it was supposed to be only men. That mixed gender crews are too complicated.”

“Have we ever done anything to make you feel like we don’t view you as a professional?”

“No, no, of course not.” Other than being ridiculously good-looking.

Hoseok’s fingers twiddle nervously. “And we won’t. We’re a team. You’re our colleague. This mission is so much bigger than any one of us. And you’re the best candidate for this position.”

“I’m the only candidate.”

Hoseok smiles. “Well, that’s exactly my point. We’d be lost without our biologist. Besides, you were better than all the male candidates even before they dropped out.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Oh yes, I do. Are you forgetting how badly you kicked my ass all over organic chemistry? And I was the chem major! It was such a disgrace.” You both laugh.

You smile at the memory: early morning study sessions, Hoseok bringing you coffee in exchange for your homework help.

“Come on,” he insists. “I know you. You can’t not go. You’re going to be the first woman on Europa. It’s been your destiny since college. Don’t you want to see it with us?”

Yes, you wanted to see it so badly. You picture the two of you looking out over the icy surface together.

“Come tonight.” Hoseok insists. “It’ll be fine, you’ll see. We won’t mess this up for you.”

“Thank you, Hoseok.”

_______

You leave Namjoon’s bedroom and climb into your own sleep pod, the question of what mission control or the press know about what’s happening on this ship weighing on your mind.

Unfortunately, googling it for yourself won’t work. It takes between 10 and 20 minutes for a single signal to get from your ship to Earth, depending on exactly where you both are in your orbits. Then it takes another 10-20 minutes to return. Usually if you wanted to research something, you’d submit a formal request to your research assistants back on Earth, who would gather a collection of relevant documents for you and send you a bundle of them all at once. But asking your research assistants to assemble a dossier on your rumored sex life was out of the question. You need someone you can trust.

You pull out your laptop and compose the following email.

Hi Dianna,

How are you doing? I’m sorry I’ve been slow to respond to your messages lately, things have been a bit messy out here. I was wondering if I could ask you a favor. Are there rumors about my personal life going around the ICSE? Or in the press? I was wondering if you’d be willing to run a quick google search and let me know what you find.

Thank you! I hope you and Melissa are doing well.

Dianna should have been on this mission with you. You wish you could talk to her in person. You’ll have to send her a video message when you have more time. But you are interrupted in your thoughts by a knock on the door.

“Who is it?”

“Jimin.”

You hit send on the email and open the door.

“Can we talk?” he asks.

You nod and stand to one side to allow him into your pod.

He sighs and rubs the back of his neck. “So I’m confused.” He runs a hand through his hair as he steps into the pod. “Last night you were mad at me for suggesting you date Taehyung. You said you wouldn’t be passed around between crew members. But now you want to have sex with the entire crew?”

“I’m not being passed around. This is my plan. I’m in control.”

He shakes his head. “The end results seem to be the same though. I don’t understand.”

“This way we don’t have to pretend this is something it’s not. It can just be sex, just release. We don’t have to pretend it means anything more than that.”

“But it means something to me.” Jimin frowns. “I have feelings for you.”

You sigh. “They’re not real though. It’s hormones and boredom. It’s just because I’m the only woman here.”

“No it’s not!”

“Yes it is! You didn’t feel this way about me on Earth, right?”

Jimin stammers for a minute. “People can change. Relationships can change.”

“Jungkook and Taehyung didn’t have feelings for me on Earth either and now that they’ve seen me naked they’re suddenly 'in love' with me. That’s not real. That’s just biology. We’re just apes in space with too much time on our hands.”

“Jungkook’s in love with you too?”

“I don’t know. He thinks he is.”

Jimin frowns, but seems less sure of himself. “Is this because I suggested sharing? Cause that was a dumb idea and I take it back.”

“No! You were right. It’s what’s best for the mission.”

“So what? It’s like this or nothing? I have to share you to have any of you?”

You don’t answer him. Currently, no one else has actually signed, so Jimin might get you all to himself anyways.

“Am I… am I not enough?” Jimin asks. “I can be more. I can do better. I can do whatever Yoongi does that you like so much.”

“This isn’t about Yoongi. It’s about the mission.”

“You said you liked me. You said you wanted to be with me. Was that just about the mission?”

“It’s not about what I want.”

“Yeah, yeah… it's about the mission.”

He turns to go, but you catch his hand in yours. His thumb rubs across the back of your hand. All the men are just as touch-starved as you are. It’s probably unfair that you are playing to that now.

You see an idea flash across his face right before he scoops you up into his arms, kissing you passionately. “I’m going to show you,” he whispers between kisses. “I’m going to show it's real. I’m going to be what you need. My feelings are real.”

Then he places you back down and leaves. You lean against the door breathless.

________

Mistake number one: You should not have challenged Jin to beer pong.

Mistake number two: You should not have said goodbye to your parents and dog right before going to a party full of strangers and booze.

Mistake number three: You should not have gone to find Hoseok when you are this drunk and he smells that good.

You collapse onto the couch beside Hoseok, too tired to stand up anymore. Hoseok smiles to see you, face flushed red.

“Hoseok,” you whisper, even though he’s already looking at you. “Hoseok, I have something important to tell you.”

He leans in closer. “Yeah?”

“Europa’s oceans are ninety-six kilometers deep.”

He laughs. “Of course, I know that! I wrote my graduate thesis on Europa’s oceans!”

“Yeah, but like…” You wave your hand. “That’s like soooo deep. Like not intuitive, you know? Like that’s ten times deeper than any ocean on Earth. I can’t even conceive of how deep our oceans are, let alone Europa’s.”

You scoot closer to him on the couch. “That’s like…” You pull out your phone to do some basic math. “That’s like 120 Burj Khalifas!!”

Hoseok nods. “Yes… It is super deep.”

“Stacked on top of each other!” You slap your knee in emphasis.

“Yes, I know!” He laughs again.

You sigh. “Can I tell you a secret?” You lean in closer and put a hand on his thigh. He leans in too. “There just has to be life down there. I know there has to be.”

“I hope so.” He rests his hand on yours.

“We’re going to find it together, you and I.” You grab his hand and squeeze it.

Hoseok looks down at your joined hands and you worry that maybe you’ve gone too far. Maybe tomorrow this will be an awkward and embarrassing moment. But right now it feels nice. His hand is warm. You wonder if it would be too much to lean your head on his shoulder.

But then Hoseok’s phone buzzes in his lap. His ex-girlfriend’s name flashes across the screen and you drop his hand.

“Sorry,” he mutters, getting up off the couch. “I should take this.” He leaves and the couch next you is colder.

“Hey!” Jin stumbles over to your seating area. “Have any of you guys seen Namjoon?”

“I think he went to meet that girl he won’t tell us about,” Yoongi answers from a chair a few feet away. When did Yoongi get here?

“So everyone is getting laid tonight, huh?” Jin laughs.

“Not everyone,” Yoongi mutters, nursing his beer.

“Don’t be such a grump, Yoongi. It’s basically our last night on Earth! Take advantage!” Jin laughs before wandering back into the crowd.

“I’m not getting laid tonight either!” You yell across the room at Yoongi. More direct than you would be when sober.

He cracks the first smile you’ve seen from him in days, raising his beer into the air in a little clinking motion. You do the same with your plastic cup full of what Jimin had described as “Tae’s jungle juice”. It was red and smelled like tequila.

“Why aren’t you getting laid?” you ask, taking a swig of the juice for courage.

“Got dumped, not really over it yet,” he answers matter-of-factly. “What about you?”

You shrug. “The only men here are about to be my only companions for the next twelve years. Seems like a bad plan to fuck them.”

Yoongi laughs. “Suppose so.”

“Well, don’t you worry. If that reporter is right, we’ll all be having space orgies in a month anyways.”

Yoongi chokes on his beer. “Shit.” Beer dribbles down his chin as he laughs. “I think we need to find you some ice water and a cab.”

“Probably a good plan,” you mutter as you lie down on the couch and close your eyes.

________

When you wake up in the morning, there are still no signed HR forms in your messages. Had you been a fool to think any of them were interested? How much time does it take to decide such a thing? Perhaps by putting the idea out there explicitly, it had lost all of its taboo appeal.

There are two other things waiting for you to notice though: your period and a calendar reminder that today is chili pepper pollinating day. After dealing with the first of those problems in the bathroom, you head for the lab to find Hoseok.

You find the science officer in the lab as always, sitting with his knee tucked up against his chest.

“Hey, um…” You shuffle your feet. Want to fuck me? No wait…

He blinks at you, bleary-eyed.

“Oh, you don’t look good. Were you here all night?” you ask.

“Um, was I? Yeah. I suppose. Lost track of time.” He rubs his eyes, before looking you up and down, then casting his gaze back to the floor.

All you want to do is ask about the forms. Or the meeting. Or what he thinks of you now. But you don’t.

“I need to pollinate the chili peppers today.” Usually Hoseok is the person who assists with that. “But I can get one of the other guys to do it if you need the sleep.”

“No!” Hoseok lurches forward, standing up a bit too rapidly and needing to put his hand back on the bench to steady himself. “I mean, I’m fine.”

You should disagree with him. He is exhausted. But you’d like more time to talk to him.

Pollinating the chili peppers is both time-sensitive and time-consuming, hence why it took two of you to get the job done. There were no insects on your ship to do the job for you and if the plants didn’t get pollinated, they wouldn’t bear any fruit. Chili peppers were your favorite crop. Not only a vital source of Vitamin C, but all your food benefitted from having a bit of spice added to it.

You and Hoseok head for the greenhouse together. The initial set-up gives you something to talk about in the beginning. Hoseok gathers the pollen from one flower onto a paintbrush, then hands it over to you to paint onto the stigmas of each little flower on the next plant.

Slowly the conversation dries up as you fall into a silent rhythm. Other than enjoying the chili peppers, this was also one of your favorite tasks on the ship because of the high likelihood that the two of you would brush hands periodically. It always gave you butterflies. But today he seems extra intent on keeping his distance from you. Was he disgusted by you now? His hands are trembling.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

His hand twitches so hard that a little rain of yellow pollen cascades onto the floor. He curses in frustration before turning to face you. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

"I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“This, um, plan of yours…” he gestures to the vague tension in the air. “It doesn’t feel like you.”

“I’m trying to save the mission. That has always been my top priority.”

“Yeah, I’m still not clear on how this benefits the mission.”

“I outlined it all in my presentation. Plus Yoongi said…” you start to say, but are cut off by Hoseok's derisive snort.

“Look, if you’re in love with Yoongi, go date him, okay? Don’t feel obligated to include the rest of us out of pity.”

You frown. “I’m not… I’m not in love with him. It’s just sex. Just biology.”

“This isn’t you!” Hoseok argues back. “You hated the idea of anyone ever treating you that way. And now you want all of us to… to… use you like that?” He splutters out the end of the sentence.

“No one is using me! This is my plan!”

He sighs. “Well, I can’t be a part of it. Excuse me.” He leaves you alone in the greenhouse.

Your lower lip trembles and you bite it to stop it. He’s disgusted by you. Yoongi was wrong; Hoseok doesn’t want you. It takes you the rest of the day to finish the pollinating on your own.

_____

There are no forms waiting for you when you wake up the next morning either. Perhaps this was a mistake after all. If the men aren’t looking for release in the same way you are, then there’s no point to any of this. Even Jimin has been keeping his distance, so all you’ve done is mess up the one relationship you did have and offend your commander and colleagues.

Your tablet buzzes with a notification. It’s a reply from Dianna.

It’s great to hear from you! I hope things aren’t too crazy up there. I haven’t heard any rumors at work, but I’ve not been directly involved with your mission. We’ve started the plans for Titan and it’s taking most of my focus. I can ask around though if you want me to. I was surprised to find this article when I googled. Is this accurate? I assumed you would have said something.

Hope you are well! Melissa and I are going to send you a video of our new puppy.

Dianna

There is a pdf of a magazine article attached to the email entitled “Love Amongst the Stars”. At the top is one of the official launch photos of the whole crew that has been zoomed and cropped so that it’s only you and Jimin sitting next to each other. The tagline reads “How two astronauts had to leave Earth to find each other”. It makes you cringe so hard you have to put the tablet down for a minute before you can read on.

It’s some sort of fluff piece about a secret affair between you and the mission specialist. You scan the article, trying to figure out what they know. “A source close to the couple spoke with us...” Who is their source? You haven’t told anyone on Earth about what's going on with Jimin.

“Coworkers said they always sensed a special connection between the two…” This is nonsense. Jimin is one of the crew members you knew the least about prior to launch.

“Other crew members are very supportive…” Uh, sure.

“Maybe we’ll even get our first space wedding…” You groan out loud, closing the pdf.

Maybe that seals it then. You’ll just be space-married to Jimin for the next 12 years and that will be that. The idea makes you feel a bit claustrophobic in your tiny sleep pod, so you throw on your exercise clothes and head for the gym to try to clear your head.

_____

What you call “the gym” is actually just a bunch of resistance bands and cardio equipment stashed into the walls of one corner of the hangar. When the gravity was off, you had a variety of different choices for which equipment to use. There was a treadmill in the ceiling and an elliptical in the wall so multiple people could use the equipment in your off hours. But with the gravity on, the stationary bike on the floor is your only option.

As you begin your warm-up on the bike, you mull over your next move. Why hadn’t any of the other men come and talked to you yet? Jungkook had confessed to you, why wasn’t he signing up now? And Yoongi? Yoongi said he wanted a form only a few days ago. Why did it feel so different now?

Were you stupid? Had you embarrassed yourself in front of your entire crew for no reason? Maybe Namjoon and Hoseok were right and this was a bad plan. You pedal faster, trying to burn out some of the tension in your lungs.

The radio buzzes and Taehyung’s deep voice sounds in your in-ear. “Looking for a location for our biologist.”

“I’m in the gym,” you radio back, pausing your bike ride to catch your breath.

Moments later, Taehyung pokes his head in the door of the hangar. It’s good to see him up and about, even if his arm is still in a sling.

“Hey.” He steps into the room, adjusting his hair with his one good hand. “I need to talk to you about this, um, ape sex thing.”

Oh my gosh, is it finally happening? Maybe Jimin was right. Maybe Taehyung is more interested in you than you had realized. He fishes into his pocket and pulls out his tablet. You wish you weren’t so sweaty and gross for this conversation. Taehyung is such an intimidatingly attractive man.

Taehyung opens up the tablet and flips to the form as he walks closer to you. It’s happening. He’s going to sign the form. Shit. Then what will you do? It’s one thing to say you want to have sex with your whole crew, but what if he’s hoping to go right now? You need a shower.

Taehyung has nice hands. Long strong fingers delicately navigate the touch screen. It seems totally improbable that a man this attractive would be into you, even if you were the only woman in the universe. It adds to your suspicions that hormones are driving everyone crazy. Perhaps if you slept with him once, he’d lose all interest.

He finds the form and then turns his gaze up to you, staring you down with those eyes. It’s a good thing Taehyung rarely turns his full gaze on you, because it is almost too much to bear. Shit, is he going to sign it? Is he waiting for you to give him some sort of signal?

“You can’t do this to Jimin,” he says.

“What?” Not what you were expecting. “Do what to Jimin?”

“This.” He gestures over the HR form. “Signing these forms with everyone. Having sex with everyone. You’re going to destroy Jimin.”

“Jimin’s the one who suggested this whole thing in the first place.” It’s a lie. You know it's a lie. Or at least a gross exaggeration. But Jimin was the one who first brought up the idea of sharing. All for the benefit of the man in front of you now.

“No way.” Taehyung scoffs, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. “No way was it Jimin’s idea that you sleep with the whole crew.”

“Well…” You can’t bear his gaze anymore and look down at the floor. “He wanted me to sleep with you.”

“What?” He puts down the tablet. “Why would he want that?”

“He, um…” You rub your arm. “He thinks you’re in love with me.”

“What?” There is only surprise on Taehyung’s face. It’s actually a relief to see that Taehyung is as shocked by that idea as you were. “Why does he think that?”

“I don’t know…” You feel kind of dumb now. Of course, Taehyung doesn’t feel that way about you. Look at him. “Cause you told him you were jealous. Cause you can’t stand to be in the same room as us.”

Taehyung bites his lip. “Oh, um, shit, sorry, that’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean?” you ask. If Taehyung wasn’t jealous of Jimin, then...“Who are you jealous of?”

“Nevermind…” Taehyung stumbles backward, putting his tablet back in his pocket. “Forget I said anything.”

“No wait,” you get up off the bike to chase after him, catching by the sleeve. As he turns around, you make a show of turning off your microphone. He does the same. “Are you jealous of me?” you ask. “Do you like Jimin?”

Taehyung’s eyes widen and he bites his lip. He glances toward the camera in the corner of the room, then stands up and begins unzipping his jumpsuit.

“Um…” You are distracted by the golden arms that peak from either side of the tank top as the zipper reaches his groin. “What are you doing?”

“Need something to block the camera.”

“We have towels,” you mutter. But now he’s attempting to peel the tank top up over his head.

“Yeah, but this way anyone watching will think we’re having sex.” He answers. “Shit, can you give me a hand?” In his attempts to remove his shirt, he seems to have forgotten he is wearing the arm sling and is now stuck with his shirt over his head. His injured shoulder is black and blue from his accident with the ROV.

You gingerly try to disentangle him without getting too close to his warm, bare skin. You succeed in freeing him from his shirt and he tosses it up and over the camera.

“You want them to think we’re having sex?” you ask.

“Don’t you? It plays right into your whole ‘save the mission with bonobo sex’ plan.” He zips his jumpsuit back up as he turns around.

“I suppose.” Though the plan was also supposed to be that there would be no more secrets between the crew. “What plan of yours does it play into?”

“The one where Jimin doesn’t realize I’m in love with him.”

Of course, Taehyung is in love with Jimin. That makes so much more sense. They’ve been so close for so long. And Taehyung has always paid very close attention to anything going on with Jimin. “You’ve never tried to tell him?”

Taehyung laughs wryly and shakes his head. “How would that conversation go? Hey man, I know we’ve known each other for years and I’ve already seen you naked and that you just think of me as a friend, but I’m in love with you. I know that’s awkward but now you have to spend the next twelve years with me, knowing that I’m attracted to you when you don’t feel the same way.” Taehyung sighs. “Doesn’t sound like a good plan to me. If he doesn’t feel the same way, I’ve ruined the friendship for nothing and then I don’t even have that.”

“Yeah… I get that.” There’s something touching about realizing that Taehyung has been fighting the same battle as you for the last two years.

“I couldn’t tell anyone before launch because what if they wouldn’t let me go then? You know?”

“Yeah, the director wasn’t big on sending anyone who might ‘complicate’ the mission.” The two of you share a sad knowing smile.

“Yeah… And I thought it would be fine, you know? I like women too. I’d just date women until launch and no one would know. I wasn’t planning on falling in love with my roommate.”

“I don’t think any of us knew what this would be like.”

“I knew it was going to be a problem. I should have pulled out…” he continues.

Your mind flashes back to your own moment of doubt when Hoseok talked you into still coming on the mission.

Taehyung sighs and leans against the ice drill. “But I couldn’t just let him go off into space without me. Even if he’d never feel the same way, at least he’d still be in my life.”

The emotion in Taehyung’s words makes your eyes begin to mist. “You really love him.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung sighs again. “But he’s in love with you.”

“Well, he thinks he is.”

“What does that mean?”

“He only feels that way about me cause he thinks I’m the only option.” Maybe he would feel differently if he knew about Taehyung’s feelings.

Taehyung frowns and shakes his head. “You don’t give him enough credit.”

“Oh come on, you know him. How many women did he date while we were in training?”

“A few…”

“And how many of them was he in love with before he found the next one?”

Taehyung purses his lips. He can’t argue with that. “So why are you with him then, if you don’t think it’s real?”

You shrug, rubbing your arm. “I like him. Lord knows he’s attractive. And he wants me. It’s nice to feel wanted, I guess.”

“You could have that with any man on this ship though...”

You scoff. “They’re all suffering the same delusion. It’s only-available-vagina syndrome. I just want us all to fuck and get it out in the open. Maybe if we could get it out of our system, they would see I’m nothing special. And then we can get back to the mission.”

Taehyung eyes you up and down. “You don’t give yourself enough credit either.”

You shrug. “You wait and see. Jimin will get bored of me. They all will.”

Taehyung pulls his tablet back out of his pocket. “Do you really think that if everyone just like, banged it out, that it would help morale?”

“Well, it certainly couldn’t get any worse.”

“And Jimin thinks I’m in love with you?” He reopens the HR form and stares at it.

You nod.

“What if I signed this? And we let him think that for a little longer? Just until I figure out how to tell him the truth?

“Like we’d pretend the two of us are involved?” Maybe that would help you get the other men on board with your plan.

Taehyung nods. “Would that be okay?”

“Yeah, that would work.”

Taehyung smiles and signs the bottom of the form, then sends it to you. “Thank you,” he says before he leaves you to resume your workout.

______

Other than Taehyung, no one else approaches you over the next few days. If anything, the crew seems to be treating you more professionally than they did before you announced your plan to fuck them all. You have signed forms from Jimin and Taehyung and have been rejected by Namjoon and Hoseok, but you’ve heard nothing either way from the other three. What are they waiting for?

By the time you reach the end of the Monday morning weekly meeting, you’ve had enough waiting.

Namjoon finishes his debrief of the week’s goals and claps his hands. “Anyone have anything else mission related we need to discuss?”

“My period is over,” you announce to your assembled crew.

A muscle pulses in Namjoon’s jaw. “Officer, I wouldn’t consider that mission-related.”

You cross your arms and lean back in your chair. “Just freely sharing information.”

“Already?” Jungkook asks. “I thought you said it would take a week.”

“No, finished this morning. It varies a bit from cycle to cycle.” you answer. Hoseok’s leg begins aggressively bouncing up and down next to you, but you press on. “I need to make a schedule. So I need to know who’s in and who’s out.”

“Ooh, what if you shared out your tracker info so we’re all on the same page.” Taehyung enthuses.

Yoongi scoffs. “Why don’t we just add it to our mission task list then?”

“I’m not clear on why menstruating means we can’t have sex,” Jimin interjects.

“Enough!” Namjoon regains everyone’s attention. “We need clear boundaries between what is personal and what is professional. Right now, you all have jobs to do. Dismissed.”

________

By the time you finish your chores for the day, you have convinced yourself that getting the rest of the team on board is essential to your successful completion of the mission. So you go in search of Yoongi.

You find him in his workshop. Pieces of an air filter are spread out on the workbench and he’s in the middle of cleaning it. You had forgotten that is the actual purpose of the workbench. So much for climbing on top of it and seducing him that way.

He looks up when you enter and you decide to cut to the chase. “I haven’t gotten your HR form yet.”

“Yeah…” He goes back to inspecting the clogged tube in front of him.

“You said you wanted to sign one with me.”

“I did say that, yes.”

“And now you don’t?” You thought if anyone was going to be supportive of the plan, it would be Yoongi.

He sets down the part he had been inspecting. “Have you really thought this through?”

“Yes!” You put your hands on your hips. “I made a whole powerpoint! With sources!!”

“I think it's a bad plan.” He picks up another long tube full of dust and threads a brush through it.

“I thought you’d be onboard with this plan. You said if I was fucking everyone, there’s no need for jealousy.”

“Yeah, well, I was wrong.” He sets the tube down and turns around to look at you directly. “ Is that really what you want?”

Why is he questioning you now? He was the one who put this whole idea in your head. He was the one who knew all your fantasies. “But you said…"

“I know what I said.” He begins pacing back and forth in front of the workbench. “But there’s a difference between a fantasy and a reality. You really want to have sex with a different man every day for 12 years on some kind of rotating daily schedule? Like how we water the crops?”

“You’re mad there’s a schedule?” You try to come closer to him, but he backs away from you, turning back to the air filter.

“Sexual desire doesn’t run on a clock, you know,” he says as he starts to pack up the equipment. “What if you’re not feeling it that day? What if they’re not?”

“I’m just trying to be fair to everyone.”

“But nobody actually gets what they want!” He throws his hands up in exasperation.

“And what do you want, Yoongi?”

He pauses, then deflates, dropping his hands to his sides. “Nevermind, forget about it.” He grabs a wet wipe off the shelf and begins cleaning the dust of his hands, not looking at you.

“No!” He’s the one who has been egging you on this whole time. “You were the one who was all ‘you have to fuck Jimin to save the mission’. You said you didn’t care if I fucked Jimin too. What do you want from me, Min Yoongi?”

“I’m going to go get some dinner.” He mutters, throwing the dirty wipe in the trash and turning to leave.

Oh no. He’s not going to escape you that easily. You need some straight answers. “You started all this, Yoongi! You said every man on this ship wanted to fuck me and none of them do! What was that?” You follow him down the hall toward the kitchen.

He stops and turns around in the middle of the hall. “This isn’t all on me! You made choices too!”

“Because of what I thought you wanted!” you yell back. “What is your deal? First you want me to fuck you, then you dont. Then you want me to fuck everyone and then you don’t. What do you want from me?” Your voice is echoing down the hallway but you are way past caring about it.

Yoongi opens and closes his mouth, then spins back around and heads for the kitchen, with you trailing behind him.

Jungkook is sitting at the kitchen table with a bowl of ramen. He looks up, startled as the two of you barge in.

“And what about you?” You fire the question at your youngest crew member. “Don’t you want to fuck me?”

The poor boy nearly chokes on his noodles. “I, um…” He swallows, wide eyes glancing between you and Yoongi.

You lean against the table next to Jungkook as Yoongi steps around the two of you to head for the pantry, but you see his fist clench as he walks by. You lean closer to Jungkook. “Didn’t you enjoy my video? Don’t you want to see the real thing?”

“Uh...” Jungkook glances at Yoongi again. “Maybe the two of you should talk this out…”

Yoongi’s hands tremble, but he doesn’t turn around, intent on starting the rice cooker. You turn your focus to Jungkook instead. “This isn’t about him. Whatever the flight engineer wants to do is up to him. He knows where I stand. This is about you and I.” You are going to get a man on this ship to fuck you. Today.

“It’s not like I’m not interested…” Jungkook’s knee bounces up and down rapidly as he watches you. “But I told you I was in love with you and you literally had a panic attack.”

Oh right. That was back when you thought you still had a shot of stopping all this. Before half your crew had seen you naked. Before all of them had heard you having sex. Before you’d announced that you wanted all of them to fuck you. But you can still control this, if you can get them onboard with your plan.

Your tablet buzzes in your pocket. You pull it out to give yourself a moment to think. There’s a message from Jin.

Hey, come find me when you get this and we can talk. I’ll be in the kitchen.

You brace yourself for yet another rejection note. But you click on the attachment to instead find your HR form, Kim Seokjin’s signature scrawled right next to yours.

Holy shit. He signed it. Under no false pretenses. What do you do now?

“What is it?” Jungkook asks.

But then Jin appears in the doorway. He startles when he sees you. “Oh! I thought you’d still be on shift.”

You shake your head. “You signed the form.”

“What? He did?” Jungkook asks.

“Oh, um, yeah,” Jin answers, laughing nervously. “That’s what you wanted right?”

“Yes, that’s what I wanted.” You stand up and move closer to your pilot. Jungkook crosses his arms. Yoongi finally turns around to observe the three of you.

Jin. Jin with his broad-shoulders and plump lips. Your friend. Your very handsome friend. He’s going to help you save the mission.

“You’re the first one I’ve gotten, so you can go first.”

“Wait, what?” Jin stammers. “But you and the commander?”

You shake your head. “He didn’t sign.”

“You and Taehyung though? I saw him take off his shirt and then cover the camera.”

“Oh right… sorry… I guess you’re the second one. But Tae’s still on shift.”

“Don’t forget about Jimin.” Yoongi helpfully chimes in.

Jin takes a step backward. “But I thought for sure these two…” He gestures at the other two men in the kitchen.

“Nope,” you move toward him. “Not yet.” You suddenly see a way to get them all on board at once.

“Oh, well, um...” His ears are bright red. “Maybe we can talk more about this after dinner?”

“That’s one option…” You lick your lips and find the top of your zipper with your hand, blushing as the next part of your plan unfolds in your mind. “Or you could fuck me now.”

“What?”

“Holy shit.” Jungkook mutters beside you.

Jin dives around you, moving toward the other side of the kitchen. “There are people eating here!”

“Nothing they haven’t seen before.” You begin unzipping your jumpsuit in what you hope is a seductive manner, rolling your hips as you follow him across the kitchen. You have both Jungkook and Yoongi’s rapt attention.

You take a cue from Taehyung and peel off your tank top, throwing it over the camera behind you, leaving you in a bra and the bottom half of your jumpsuit. “Though if these two are going to stay and watch, they better sign the forms as well.”

“Stay and watch?” Jin swallows, hands clenched at his sides.

You grab the waist of your jumpsuit, teasing it down just slightly as you make direct eye contact with Jungkook and then Yoongi. “What do you think boys? In or out?”

Jungkook lunges for his tablet. A satisfying ping on your own tablet confirms that this plan is working. Yoongi just crosses his arms and leans back against the counter.

You drop the jumpsuit, leaving you in nothing but your bra and underwear. You prop yourself up on the kitchen table next to Jungkook’s now cold bowl of ramen.

“What are you doing?” Jin asks, whole face beginning to turn red.

“Look…” You shimmy out of your bra straps so that your bra is only held in place by your hand. “I’m going to need you to fuck me right here on this table, Kim Seokjin. For the good of the mission.”

“Why does putting your bare ass on the surface where we eat help the mission?!”

“No more secrets. No more jealousy. Everything will be out in the open. Like the bonobos do.”

Your fingers tease at the clasp of your bra. All three men stare at you. You lock eyes with Yoongi, daring him to look away. Implement with full commitment. You drop your bra to the floor.

“Stop, stop!” Jin moves toward you as you slide your fingers into the band of your underwear. “Just hang on for one second.” He picks up your jumpsuit from the floor and comes closer, draping it around your shoulders in an attempt to cover you. “Look at me.” He grasps your chin and turns your gaze to meet his. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

You lick your lips. “Yes.”

He kisses you, hard. It’s aggressive, urgent even. His hands are on your shoulders, then sliding down your back, pulling you toward him. Your eyes close as you momentarily lose yourself in it. Despite you begging him for it, it still surprises you how insistent he is. His hands keep sliding down your back, until they reach your buttocks, running over the thin cotton of your underwear and scooping you into his arms. You wrap your arms around his shoulders for balance, and then he is lifting off the table.

He breaks out of the kiss to pick you up even higher and then proceeds to throw you over his shoulder.

“Jin! What are you doing?” You kick your feet into the air.

“I am a man, not an ape,” he says, picking up your jumpsuit and bra and tossing them over his other shoulder. “And if I’m going to fuck you, it’s going to be in the privacy of my own sleep pod, where the only man enjoying it is me.”

He hauls you ass first out into the hallway, with Jungkook and Yoongi both watching wide-eyed as you are carried away.

“I can walk,” you argue as Jin turns for the sleep pods.

“Nope,” replies Jin, readjusting you on his shoulder before carrying you down the hall.

As you reach the junction to the bridge, your ass runs into something warm and firm.

“What the-” says Namjoon. Your whole body flushes hot as you realize you’ve run butt-first into your commanding officer.

“Shit, sorry commander.” Jin laughs. “Excuse us,” Jin says and continues down the hallway, not setting you down or stopping.

Namjoon has pressed himself up against the wall with his hands in the air, a look of shock on his face. He looks like he is about to say something, but then Jin reaches his sleep pod and sets you down inside and you can’t see the commander anymore.

“Well, that was the best thing that has happened in a long time.” Jin chuckles as he closes the door. “The looks on Namjoon’s and Jungkook’s faces will power me for a year. You okay?” he asks, handing your bra and jumpsuit. “For the record, I’m not expecting anything else to happen here.”

“You don’t want to do anything else?” You hold up your jumpsuit to cover yourself, more disappointed than you would like to admit.

Jin eyes you up and down. “I mean… I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested, but that wasn’t my intention in bringing you here.”

“You hauled me half-naked to your bedroom and your intention wasn’t to have sex?”

“I know, I am such a gentleman, aren’t I?” He laughs, then shrugs. “Seemed like maybe you needed an out. Things were getting kind of crazy back there.”

“But you signed the form? Doesn’t that imply a sexual relationship?”

“I guess I’m not really a ‘sex in front of two other men before we’ve even been on a date’ kind of guy.”

“How about a ‘sex in the sleep pods’ kind of guy?”

“Are you even actually interested in me?” Jin asks, getting more serious. “Because none of what happened in the kitchen felt like it was about me. I don’t want to be some pawn in your plot to make Yoongi jealous.”

“It’s not about Yoongi!” You groan. “Why does everyone think this is about Yoongi?”

“Have you seen the two of you interact recently? There are some seriously repressed feelings going on there.”

You bang your head into the door of the sleep pod in frustration, before looking up at him. “You’re a very attractive man. Maybe I have feelings for you?”

He sighs. “Yeah, but you don’t. You can’t swap us out for each other.”

Shit. The way you’ve been treating the men is exactly how you feared they would treat you. While you fear being wanted because you’re the only woman, you’ve made all the men on the ship feel as though you think them interchangeable simply because they’re men.

“It never occurred to me that any of you would have real feelings for me.”

“Well, you are very dumb.”

“Hey…” You hit him gently on the chest. He catches your hand in his.

“Amazing they would trust such a crucial mission to someone who is so very stupid,” he teases, still holding your hand.

“I’m not this stupid about mission related stuff, just all this relationship crap.” You laugh softly.

“So tragic. Someone with so much training ought to have better sense.”

He squeezes your hand and you look into his eyes again. He smiles a soft reassuring smile and for the first time in weeks, you feel like maybe everything will be okay again at some point in the future.

“You’re a good man, Kim Seokjin.”

“Best man on the ship.” He chuckles.

“Kiss me again.”

He arches his eyebrows. “Why?”

“Because I want you to.”

“Are you sure?”

“Look there’s no one else here right? This is only about you. I want you.”

He kisses you again, tenderly this time. His warm arms wrap around and you realize you’re still naked except for your underwear. You curl into his embrace. He smells good, warm and manly, like good cologne. You run your hands over his muscular shoulders that you can feel through his clothes. It’s slow and leisurely, like you’re savoring each other.

“You sure you’re not a ‘sex in the sleep pods’ kind of guy?” You tease as you slide your thigh in between his legs and feel his erection pressing against you.

He groans, resting his head on your shoulder as you grind against him. “I’d like to think of myself as more of a ‘sex in the sleep pods after the third date’ kind of guy.”

You pause and look up at him surprised. “You want to go on a date?”

He nods. “At least three of them, in fact.”

You smile. “That would be nice. I’d like that.”

He kisses you behind your ear. “So are Mondays my day then? Can I take you on a date next Monday?”

You gasp as he rolls his hips against you, the heat of him seeping through his clothes. “That’s a long time to wait, especially if you’re going to make me wait through three of them.”

“I’m sure we can find other ways to entertain ourselves.” He cups your naked breast in his hand, massaging gently.

“Is there anything in particular you want to do today?” You palm his erection through his pants and he gasps.

“Stop that, you temptress…” He grits his teeth. “I’m trying to be a gentleman.”

“Aww, come on, there must be something I can do for you.”

“Well…” He bites his lip. “I will admit that I am awfully curious what was on that video that got five of my crew members suspended.”

“I could show you.” You start to shimmy down your underwear. “But there was no touching in the video.”

He kisses you one last time on the cheek, before pulling away and pressing himself into the opposite wall of the sleep pod. “Okay, show me. I’ll be good.” He puts his hands up by his head in mock innocence.

You finish removing your underwear, spreading your legs apart as best you can. You trail a hand down between your legs, finding yourself wet already. “It was me masturbating.” You tease around your clit without touching it directly.

He groans, hips kicking forward as he stays up against the wall. “Show me.”

“Well, first I took my fingers and sucked on them.” You narrate your actions as you wet your fingers. “Then I touched my nipples.” Your nipples harden before you’ve even touched them, but you continue to tease them for his benefit.

His eyes dart back and forth between your face, your breasts, and your spread legs, as if he can’t decide where he wants to look first. He licks his lips like a man starving. “Keep going.”

“I’m very wet.” You continue your narration as he clenches his fists. You run your fingers through your wet folds, then hold them up to show him. His hips buck again as he groans, still fully dressed and pressed to the wall. “And then I touched my clitoris.” It’s your turn to moan as you finally touch your swollen pleasure center, stroking slowly and keeping your eyes fixed on Jin.

“Goddamn…” He drops to his knees, hands resting at his sides, eyes fixed on your hand as it strokes around your clit.

“Do you wish it was your fingers right now, instead of mine?” you ask.

He nods, tongue darting out of the corner of his mouth. He begins inching toward you on his knees. “Do you think… maybe…?”

“I thought we said no touching,” you tease when he gets to your feet, his head level with your hand, eyes fixed on your wet cunt as you continue to touch yourself.

“I just…” His eyes flick up to meet yours. “I want to smell you.” A pulse of arousal rocks through you at how eager he is. You nod. He moves his nose right over your pubic mound and inhales a long slow savoring breath, tickling your hairs.

“Ah…” He releases a long, loud satisfied moan. His knuckles turn white, but his face is relaxed. “You smell amazing.” He inches even closer, just millimeters separating you from his face and inhales again.

“Oh shit.” You feel the pleasure skyrocketing as your orgasm catches you off guard. You grab him by the back of the head to stabilize yourself and his nose bumps firmly against your clit.

He groans again, loudly right against you as he grinds his nose into you, letting you ride his face as your orgasm washes over you. You thread your fingers through his hair to hold him in place. He wraps his hands around the back of your thighs to press himself into you harder. You cry out as waves of muscle contraction course through you over and over.

“Fuck…” you both say in unison as you collapse back against the door. Your eyes meet and you both start laughing. He places a light kiss right below your belly button before he gets up.

“Well, I see why that was worth getting suspended for,” he says, unzipping his jumpsuit and using the bottom of his shirt to wipe his face.

“And you didn’t even come yet.” You slide your underwear back up, wondering if he would consider a blowjob to be a step too far before your first date.

“Um, actually…” he gestures down at his crotch and the new wet spot you find there makes your pelvic muscles clench.

“You came in your pants? Over me?”

Jin laughs. “God, you have no idea how sexy you are, do you?” He picks up your clothing off the floor, before kissing you softly on the forehead. “I will have a hard time waiting for Monday.”

“Me too.” You mutter and get a sudden sinking feeling. You don’t want this to be over right now. You want to stay here with him, to cuddle and be held by him, but you have made this very clear to everyone involved that these dalliances are not relationships. It’s just sex. And now the sex is over. Until next week.

You slip back into your clothes and give him one last kiss. You tablet pings as you head out into the hallway and you fish it out of your pocket.

Yoongi: Okay, I’m in.

Below his message is his signed HR form. A swell of smug satisfaction makes you smile as you cross the hall and climb into your own pod. You open up a group message for the five men whose signed forms you now have in your possession and type out the following:

Mondays: Jin

Tuesdays: Jungkook

Wednesdays: Taehyung

Thursdays: Jimin

Fridays: Yoongi

“Saturday and Sunday to be determined,” you whisper to yourself as you hit send.

____

Next part

#bts x reader #bts smut #ot7 x reader #void #btssavedmylifeblr

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summerofsnowflakes · 3 years

Text

Wicked Games

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader (Avenger)

Word Count: 3.9K

Summary: You need to give him up, but it’s just too good.

Warnings: 18+ Only. Minors DNI. Smut! Unprotected Sex, Cursing, Lap Dancing, Light Spanking, Dom/Sub themes (If you squint you’ll see it) Cheating, Heartbreak, Angst

A/N: It’s me again, back with some more smut. This fic is loosely based on Wicked Games by The Weeknd. But it’s basically me being super thirsty as always. Hope y’all like it!

Next Part

“Yeah I’ll be back in two days.” Bucky mumbled hushedly into the phone. He stared out of the quinjet into the empty sky. A blanket of white fluffy clouds were the only thing to be seen for miles.

“Well, make sure Y/n takes care of you. You need to look out for each other.” His girlfriend replied sweetly. His heart squeezed at the mention of your name falling from her ignorantly blissful mouth.

Bucky turned his head in your direction, praying he’d put enough distance between you so that you couldn’t hear him. You weren’t looking at him, your eyes were scanning the file for the mission. With a sigh he turned back to the window, “she always does.”

You felt his eyes on you and lifted your head, finding a t-shirt covered back instead of a face. You couldn’t ignore the disappointment that settled in your chest. He’d tucked himself far away, mostly hidden, but just remaining in your eyeline. Though it was a good attempt to conceal his actions, you knew. The amount of distance, the hushed voice, the guilty look you didn’t even need to see. It could only mean one thing. He was talking to her.

You looked away, staring blankly at the pages in front of you. You knew how important this mission was for the team, every mission was. So, you tried to digest the words on the page, but your mind was clouded with thoughts of him. A heaviness settled on your chest as a wave of guilt crashed over you. It was a crushing thought but he wasn’t yours, not anymore.

Bucky felt your eyes on him and could not stand it any longer. “Look, I gotta go, we’ll be landing soon.” He mumbled, cutting her off mid-sentence as she replayed her day to him. He’d been gone less than twelve hours and couldn’t understand how that much had changed in his absence. “Okay.” she replied, disappointment evident in her voice. “I love you James.”

He hung up before he could respond, unable to fool her with the biggest lie of all. He knew she would convince herself that he’d gone through a bad spot of reception, she didn’t want to accept that he wouldn’t say it back on purpose.

Truthfully, he wasn’t in love with her. He hadn’t been for a long time, but they’d been together for so long now and she’d helped him get his life back together. It was easier to pretend for her sake. He didn’t want to break her sweet innocent heart, she didn’t deserve that. But she didn’t deserve what he was doing behind her back.

With a heavy heart he shuffled back toward you. You didn’t look in his direction as he sat down beside you, but you felt his warmth and cursed yourself for feeling drawn in by his presence. You felt his arm snake along the back of the chair as he looked over your shoulder, down at the file.

“She says hi by the way.” He mumbled softly in your ear. His whispering words attacked your heart with harsh punches.

Anger seared through your veins and you scoffed loudly, before turning away from him completely. You felt sick to your stomach at the thought of her sitting at home alone waiting for him to return to her. It was bitterly funny how much you wanted to trade places with her.

“You know I don’t want to hear about her Buck.” You whispered, a few tears escaped your eyes as he pulled your body into his. He shushed you as you cried into his arms, sour grapes of regret tingled against his tongue. He knew you didn’t like to talk about her, he didn’t either. Not anymore and especially not with you.

“I’m sorry.” He uttered into your hair. Bucky wished he was a stronger man. He’d hurt so many people in his life, he was certain he’d landed himself a seat beside Satan in hell when this life was over.

He wanted to pull himself away. He should stop consoling you and let go of you mentally and physically. But it felt impossible, it felt right having your body nestled into his chest. You were the missing puzzle piece to his body. Unlike the girl he’d left at home, you were tethered to his heart. Connected by soul, you had too much history.

Like so many other orphaned girls in Russia you found yourself in the grasp of the KGB. It was a cold and lonely childhood, only those with the potential to be natural born killers made their way up the ranks and into the Red room. It was there where you were whipped into submission, stripped of all traces of humanity and trained to be a ruthless killer.

It was there you were trained by the Winter Soldier and where you’d broken every rule instilled in you for him. You fell in love with one another, finding comfort in your shared pain. Your time together was a cherished piece of heaven, an escape from your lives of servitude.

He was ripped away from you before either of you truly knew what you had. Your memories were wiped and the Winter Soldier was sold on the black market to the next highest bidder. For many years you forgot about one another, not by your own choice.

Many, many years on from your training, you were picked up by S.H.I.E.L.D. You were given a second chance at life and you vowed to balance the scales of death that hung over your head.

Very few people knew of your previous life and when your memories were restored, you decided to hold onto your memories of the Winter Soldier alone. Holding your stolen moments together close to your heart. Back in the beginning he’d kept you alive, he made your insignificant life seem less pointless. Years later and with only echoes of him in your mind he built you back up again.

You never thought you would see him again. He was presumed dead by everyone. But you were forced together once again, your paths destined to cross. Bucky was saved from the depths of his own personal hell. He joined the Avengers, happier to fight the bad guys instead of being the bad guy for once.

For months you believed he didn’t remember you. He kept you at arms length, barely glancing in your direction even when you were speaking in team briefings. He was trying to protect you both.

He did remember you. He never could forget you, you were always in his mind. Years of torture, pain, enslavement and you were still there. Even though the visions of you were hazy at times, you never left him.

It was the downfall of you both when Nick and Steve decided to pair you up indefinitely for smaller missions. The outcome of you ending up in bed together was inevitable and it happened so quickly and easily. Bucky provided you with the closest feeling of home you’d ever felt, it was addictive. You craved him and he you.

-------

The mission had been easy, a simple recon assignment in Bucharest at a high rollers casino. You’d managed to get everything you needed without even breaking a sweat and barely five words exchanged between you both the entire night. But that was just because you could read one another so well.

You were silent as he led you into the elevator of your hotel. His arm firmly wrapped around your waist, his fingers rubbing soft soothing circles into the fabric of your dress.

The events of the day hung over you. You had spent the day being eaten alive with guilt, thinking of her as you stood so close to him. The feeling of guilt was slowly subsiding, your own need for him outweighing the last shreds of your morality.

You had tried to convince yourself earlier on that you weren’t going to be with him tonight. You almost tricked yourself into believing it. But as you rested your head against his chest, the smell of his cologne intoxicated you and his strong arm held you close to him, you knew you couldn’t resist your own desires and him. Even if you weren’t ready to admit it to yourself, you had already made your decision. You weren’t going to turn him away.

When the doors reopened on your floor, you slipped out of his grasp and sauntered off in the direction of your room. The opposite way to his. Bucky watched you, hypnotised by the way your hips swayed from side to side. He held back a few steps, unsure of whether to follow you.

When you finally reached your door, you turned back to face him. Giving into temptation, a small devilish smile danced on your lips as you disappeared into the room. That was his signal to follow you. It was clear as day, he just needed something first.

He let himself in with the spare key you left in his jacket pocket, entering the dark room tentatively. You were nowhere in sight but there was a bright strip of yellow light that peeked out from under the bathroom door. It illuminated the room enough for him to make his way in.

He could hear you softly humming to yourself in the bathroom. It was an angelic sound, one he wished he could listen to forever. He discarded his suit jacket on the bed and loosened his tie as he sat down in the armchair staring out at the city below. He took a large swig from the whiskey bottle in his hand, ignoring the burn as he waited for you.

You hadn’t heard him come in, when he hadn’t followed you immediately you assumed he wasn’t coming. So it took you by surprise to find him waiting for you. You stifled a sniffle, hiding the evidence of your tears as a small sense of victory settled in your stomach. He did want you.

You were frozen in place, leaning against the door frame for support as you took in his dishevelled look, you pulled your bottom lip in between your teeth. You always preferred the messy look on him. His long hair slightly out of place from where he’d run his fingers through it one too many times. His clothes altered to suit his relaxed mood. The top button opened, his sleeves rolled up. The sight had you rubbing your thighs together as heat pooled in your panties.

Bucky stared back at you hungrily, his eyes raking over your dressless form. Devouring the sight of you in your underwear. The black lace bustier bra pushed your breasts up. They looked perky and round, threatening to spill out of the bra. He could see the goosebumps trail down your stomach until they reached your lace panties and garter belt.

The sight of your stocking pulled up tight over your thighs, had him shuffle in his seat as his pants grew uncomfortably tight. He loved the feel of the soft, sheen against his skin.

He licked his lips hungrily, his fiery eyes meeting your breathless gaze and he curled his finger at you. Beckoning you to him. You couldn’t fight against the mischief that coursed through your veins. With a wicked, tempting smile you dropped to the floor onto your hands and knees and crawled over to him. You stopped in front of his open legs.

He let out a strained breath, at the sight you perched in front of him. Your hands rested on his thighs, gripping onto them as though they were your anchor. You looked up at him innocently, as though butter wouldn’t melt.

He leaned down, his face centimeters from yours. His hot breath fanned over your face as his mouth grazed yours. Your eyes fluttered shut and you leant in to meet his lips, but he pulled back teasingly. You could hear him smirking at you. The smell of whiskey from his lips mixed and cologne from his neck made you whine in desperation.

He let out a dark laugh as he teased your skin with his lips, coming close enough to rile you up but never touching you. You were aching with anticipation. He ripped himself away from you, leaning back in his chair and took another large mouthful from the bottle in his hand.

He looked down at you. Your eyes were wild with desperation, pupils blown out wide. “Open that pretty little mouth for me.” He ordered quietly, smiling playfully as you followed his command. He held the bottle just above your mouth and poured the liquid into your body.

Small droplets of brown liquor fell from your overflowing mouth, trailing down your chin. The image made his cock twitch in his pants, as he visualised his cum dripping down from your perfect mouth instead. He stifled a groan as he reached out and wrapped his metal hand around your cheeks.

He pulled your body up and he leant down so that you were face to face again. His skillful tongue darted out and he slowly lapped up the overspill on your face. His tongue trailed from your chin to your mouth, before engulfing your lips in a sloppy kiss. Amongst the overpowering taste of whiskey, a hint of mintiness danced on his tongue as he slipped it into your mouth.

You moaned softly into his mouth, leaning into him. you pulled at his tie that hung loosely around his neck, desperately trying to deepen the kiss. Bucky sensed your eagerness and pulled away, his face flushed as he met your gaze with lust filled eyes. He was holding back, you could see it in the way he held his jaw tightly.

“Dance for me.” He commanded.

You smiled devilishly as you pulled your body up from the floor. He loved your body, he liked watching your slow teasing movements as you danced for him in nothing but your lingerie. It left him utterly starved for you.

You stood up in front of him, pushing your chest into his face slowly, baiting him. As much as he wanted to, Bucky wouldn’t touch you now. It was all a part of his game to rile you both up until you couldn’t stand it anymore.

You turned your body away from him, facing the window and stretched your arms above your head. You posed for him, the moonlight illuminating the room bouncing off your body as you found the melody in your head to dance to. And slowly, you swayed your hips, hypnotizing him with your slow sensual movement.

When you were certain you had him under your spell. You leant forward, your legs parting as you pushed your ass into his view. You knew how much he loved it, you were almost certain he would be able to resist it tonight.

Bucky shuffled forward in his chair, as you continued to dance, he was almost in reach of you. He wanted to tease you both for longer but his desire to have his way with you was overwhelming.

He reached his right hand out and cupped one of your full cheeks, he kneaded the soft flesh as you moved. His other hand collided with your ass. A resounding smack of cold harsh metal against your warm skin that made your knees wobble and a whine escape your lips.

He pulled your body back to him, so that you were standing between his open legs. You grabbed onto the arms of the chair as he lowered your body onto his lap.

The teasing wasn’t over just yet. He left a small gap between your ass and his lap as he guided your hips to move again. You grinded against the air as you waited for more.

His hands never left your hips, his fingers tracing your skin softly and awakening a flurry of goosebumps in his wake. “Bucky, please…” You whispered, begging for it to end and finally he pulled you flush against his lap as you ground your hips into him. You let out a loud whimper feeling his hard length rub against your soaking wet panties.

His mouth trailed along the column of your neck placing soft kisses on you as he came up to your ear. “You look fantastic, baby. If it were up to me you would wear this every day.” He whispered sweetly in your ear. He turned your body to face him suddenly, picking you up so that you were straddling his thighs.

You smiled coyly at his words, dipping your head into his neck. You placed a few soft kisses to his skin before baring your teeth to his warm flesh and nipping at him. He sighed at the feeling, too caught up in the moment to stop you from marking him as your own. His hips rutted up into you and you both moaned at the feeling.

You ground your hips into his desperately trying to create some fiction. You craved every part of him. His cold vibranium finger tips teased you, tracing down your stomach. He dipped into the waistband on your panties. Then he came to a halt, stopping just before he touched your most sensitive area.

“Question is do we have enough willpower to make it to bed tonight?” He purred menacingly into your ear.

“No! Please fuck me here. Please Bucky.” You pleaded.

Bucky chuckled darkly. “As you wish, baby.” His lips latched onto yours passionately taking control, easily slipping his tongue in your mouth. Your hands reached down, passing his arm on the way down as you made quick work of finally pulling him free and taking his achingly hard length in your hand.

He let out a strained grunt. His hand jerked forward, his fingers ambusing your clit with an assault that made you call out his name loudly. He immediately met your lips again pulling you close as his magical fingers rubbed the sensitive nerve. You took him in your hand pumping his length a few times and he pulled your panties to the side.

You lifted yourself up high enough to line yourself up with him and then you stopped. Holding yourself over him, your eyes flickered up to meet his, playing him at his own game. Testing him with the anticipation of what could happen.

Your confidence faltered as he met your gaze with a smile. Not one driven by desire or lust, but a genuine, loving smile. It was easy to pretend for just a moment that you belonged to one another. With that thought planted at the forefront of your mind you sank down onto him slowly filling yourself up. You let out a soft gasp as he stretched you out.

Bucky’s head dropped forward into your breasts as he felt your tight wall’s swallow him, gripping onto him. You lifted yourself up, using his shoulders to steady you as you bounced slowly on his cock.

He was desperate for more of you, to see you completely. Bucky’s arms snaked around you, holding you closer and undid the clasp of your bra. Your breasts fell free from their cage and he let out a breathless groan as they bounced in front of his eyes. He took one of your nipples in his mouth, latching onto it and pushing you closer and closer to the edge as you quickened your pace.

He pulled back, bumping his nose against yours and placed a wet kiss to your lips. “Open your eyes for me.” He uttered. You followed his request, unscrewing your eyes to look into his piercing blue gaze. He could see you were teetering on the edge, you could taste euphoria on the tip of your tongue and he loved to watch as you fell apart.

His arms settled around you more firmly, one hand rested on your lower back as the other held your shoulder blade tightly. Your hot, sweaty bodies pressed together as he lifted his hips up harshly, snapping them into yours and hitting your sweet spot, over and over again. “Bucky. I’m gonna...” Your words got lost in your throat, as white hot pleasure seared through you. Your orgasm hit you like a train full of pleasure.

“That’s it baby.” He whispered into your ear as he felt your walls tighten firmly around him.

Your hips stuttered as your body shook on top of him and you cried out loudly. His hands found your hips guiding you up and down vigorously as he chased his own high. He let out a strangled cry as he released inside of you, his head fell into the crook of your neck as he came back down.

Silence settled over the room, heavy breathing and fast beating hearts were the only sounds coming from either of you. He lifted his head, a lazy smile on his face as he placed a chaste kiss to your lips. As he pulled back your lips chased his, not ready for the moment to end just yet.

“So needy after I make you cum.” Bucky chuckled lowly to himself. You looked into his eyes, his words crashed you back down into reality. The drug of your post-sex bliss wore off all too quickly. You searched for the right words to respond, but you didn’t know what those words were. Your stomach twisted in anguish, hating him for how much you loved him.

He saw the pain in your eyes and cursed himself silently. He never knew the right thing to say when it came to you. He brought his right hand up to cradle your face, his thumb ran along your cheek. “It’s not a bad thing baby.” He whispered reassuringly. “Let’s go to bed.”

You felt like a broken toy, barely registering anything except the warm touch of his hands. You allowed him to push and pull you around the room, cleaning you up and putting you to bed.

Tonight like many other nights you had given yourself fully to the man you laid on top of. You nestled your head into his chest, silently weeping. Waiting for reality to knock on the door and snatch him away from you. He ran his hand up and down your spine, soothing you.

You weren’t alone in your longing for him. He longed for you too, he just didn’t know how to tell you. He wanted nothing more than to stay in this moment forever. No desire to return to Brooklyn or to his girlfriend. Here in this hotel bed, with you in his arms was his idea of perfection.

“Bucky?” You peered up at him, lifting yourself up to kiss his lips. Soft tears rolled down your face. You hoped he wouldn’t notice, but he did and he hated being the cause of your pain.

“What is it baby?”

“Please tell me you love me. Even if it’s a lie. I just need to hear you say it.” Your voice broke as the words slipped out needily. He studied your face, reaching up to wipe away the tears that fell from your eyes. He was doomed, a victim of the pain he was causing. But how could he deny you the small piece of affection you needed, no, deserved from him.

He pulled your back down to his chest and placed a kiss to the top of your head. He would break if he kept looking into your eyes, he would give away the secret. You would know the truth. “I love you.” He uttered quietly.

The worst part was, it wasn't a lie. He was just a coward.

Tags: @einfachniemand @ramp-it-up @theselilwonders @ryjo-92 @riiyy @sillyteecup @lonelydance @anh1020

#bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky x reader #bucky fic #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #the winter soldier #winter soldier x reader #mcu bucky barnes #Sebastian Stan #Steve Rogers #marvel #mcu #angst #cheating #Smut #bucky barnes smut #heartbreak hotel

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knivesareout · 3 years

Text

take it fast

Pairing: Ed Baldwin x Female!Reader Word Count: 4.9k Summary: It’s not that you didn’t love your husband- you did. It’s just different now. Warnings: Smut. Light infidelity but, not really. A/N: Half based off of this request/the other half is just inspo I pulled while re-watching For All Mankind. I’m super nervous about this but I hope y’all like it!!

—

It wasn’t that you didn’t love your husband anymore, because you did, it was just different now.

You’d grown out of each other- marrying too soon, high school sweethearts and all that, and never really got any other experience but one another. Jack didn’t really want kids so it was just the two of you: moving from Boston to Houston after you graduated college and while he joined the astronaut candidate program, you got a job at the front desk of JSC.

Things were fine at first. The new environment helped and you were both excited to see and do all of the things Houston had to offer but the shininess of a new place dulled quicker than you’d anticipated and once a routine was established, it wasn’t uncommon for his side of the bed to be left cold for a few nights a week.

You wished you could say his infidelity bothered you but it didn’t. He always seemed happier, lighter, after he’d come back and that’s really what mattered. Jack was more of a friend than anything else and that was fine.

There was an agreement made a year into your move, an agreement to quietly separate. While you both continued to live together, he moved his things into the spare bedroom and slowly became a roommate as opposed to your husband. The action of a divorce would cause too much disruption into the life you were both carefully creating- Jack fully graduating the astronaut program and you making friends, settling into your job.

It wasn’t ideal but it worked. For now.

—

While most people hated Mondays, they were actually your favorite and even more after a mission that went smoothly. Apollo 86 had just landed over the weekend and everyone that trickled in through the doors of JSC seemed to be in a good mood, smiling at you as they passed by you at your desk.

You’d been promoted just a few short months ago, working your way up to Assistant to the Director of JSC in your time there. Margo Madison was a tough cookie but your personalities clicked from the moment you’d started working in the building so it was a no brainer when her previous assistant, Emma, needed replacing after moving.

After briefing with Margo, you settle down at your desk and start filing away your leftover paperwork from Friday, wishing you’d finished instead of being in a hurry to leave.

“Mornin’,” Ed mumbles as he passes by you on his way towards his office, coffee in hand and eyes heavy with sleep.

“Oh! Mr. Baldwin, Ms. Madison wanted to talk to you when you got settled in,” you call after him, raising out of your seat to shoot him an apologetic look. You knew Ed hated unexpected meetings, and more so with Margo, as they usually ended in an argument with no solution.

He slowly turns around and sighs, setting his coffee down on your desk, shooting you an expectant look. “Well?”

“She didn’t say much other than to catch you early. Sorry.” You purse your lips with a shrug. “You know she usually doesn’t give me much to go on.”

Ed nods, tapping his fingers along the wood and catching your gaze. “I know. Just thought maybe today might be the day. Tell her I’ll head over in 10. I’ve got a couple calls to make first.”

“You got it.” Glancing down at the coffee, you raise your eyebrows and give him a teasing smile. “Where’s mine?”

The bark of laughter Ed makes rings throughout the room and your stomach flips at the sound- full and hearty. As he catches his breath, the smile that graces his lips makes your heart squeeze and you wonder, not for the first time, how often he smiles like that and for who.

“Next time, alright?”

You nod quickly, “I’m holding you to it, Baldwin.”

He picks up his coffee and starts to walk backwards, pointing a finger at you. “It’s Ed, even at work!”

Once he’s tucked away in his office, you try and catch yourself. Your face hurts from smiling, cheeks strained and your stomach is still in knots. It’s a struggle to calm down but eventually you do, breathing deeply.

There’d always been this thing- with Ed. A spark of some sort that kept you up at times. It’d started just a few years ago after Jack had officially joined the program and you were both suddenly invited to all of the BBQ’s and events that encompassed the astronauts and their families. You and Ed both enjoyed the quiet companionship one another brought when things got too hectic, tucked away in a backyard or a kitchen while the parties continued on. You’d both just drink quietly, offering a small comment or two but in those hushed moments, you got to know Ed better than anyone else in Houston.

A beep of your computer startles you and you chuckle quietly, glad to be knocked out of the silly daydream.

Picking up the phone, you dial into Margo’s office and she answers with a quick, “Did you catch Ed?”

“He’ll be with you in 10,” you tell her, jotting down the meeting in the plans for today.

“Good,” she answers. “And remind me to run something by you later. Before lunch.”

“You got it.”

—

Friday rolls around quicker than you can blink. After the news Margo had given you on Monday it seemed like time wouldn’t slow down as you started to make preparations.

You had started to wonder when you would finally get the all clear to attend a launch. Fly down to Florida and meet the crew, attend schmoozing parties and start networking. While being Margo’s assistant was great, it wasn’t the ultimate goal- not with a degree in mechanical engineering. But with some experience under your belt, it seemed like it was finally time.

Apollo 91 was set to launch next week and you were getting a front row seat.

The office was a flutter as you made sure everything was in place for you and Margo to be gone the next week. Setting up a re-route for all of your calls and messages to come through the offices in Cape Canaveral. Your checklist was long and tedious but needed, not wanting to forget anything and making sure no detail was missed. So, when a cup of coffee is placed on your desk, you jump in your seat, a small shriek escaping your lips.

“Jesus, sweetheart. Gonna break my eardrums if you do that again,” Ed laughs, the noise doing nothing to calm your racing heart.

You try to glare at him but the smile he’s wearing breaks you down and there isn’t much you can do but shake your head, smiling behind your hand.

“It’s been days, Ed,” you point to the coffee, waiting for an explanation.

Ed shrugs sheepishly, “Better now than never? But I can take it back. I’ve been needing a second cup.” He slowly goes to grab the cup but you’re quicker and snatch it back.

“Don’t taunt me like that. I’m desperate for caffeine right now,” you tell him between sips.

His forehead crinkles and he finally takes in the state of your desk. Papers are strewn across what is normally a pristine surface and he crosses his arms over his chest. “Everything alright?”

You nod slowly, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, for the most part. Margo invited me down to the Cape with her for launch week and we leave tomorrow morning. It’s just a lot to try and take care of before then.”

“You’re going down to watch 91?” He seems surprised, happy almost, and you wonder why.

“Yeah. A surprise, I know. But since it’s a longer trip, she said she’d need me down there with her. Why?”

Ed rubs a hand across his jaw, his lips ticking up on the side and he shrugs. “I’ll be there too. Usually don’t go down for these things but since Gordo is headin’ up I thought I’d go and show some moral support.”

“Oh.” You pause, not wanting to make it weird because now your mind is racing, suddenly very aware of the band on his left hand. “That’s really nice of you.”

“Yeah. Well, maybe we’ll run into each other or something. I’ll try not to scare you next time,” he teases and your face heats up and it’s not from the temperature of the coffee you’ve just finished.

“That’d be nice,” you nod, “But please don’t scare me. I don’t think I could handle that embarrassment again.”

“I’ll try my best.” Ed crosses an ‘X’ over his heart and glances down the hall before stepping away from your desk. “I should get goin’ but I’ll see you later?”

“I’m sure you will. Have a good trip,” you tell him earnestly.

“You too.” Ed waves a hand around him before he turns and heads down the hallway, disappearing.

Your heart finally starts to slow a couple minutes later, slumping down into your chair with a huff.

The swift opening of a door breaks the spell and Margo looks at you, head cocked. “You alright there?”

“Yeah, perfectly fine.”

—

The energy at Cape Canaveral was different from Houston.

You couldn’t quite put your finger on why, but it was. You felt like a fish out of water following behind Margo once you’d both checked into your respective hotel rooms and headed towards the main buildings to start prep.

The days were rushed, blending together and while you only saw Ed a few times throughout the first couple of days, it was nice to see a smiling, familiar, face anytime you bumped into each other.

As the week ended and 91 had launched, an after party was being thrown in the ballroom of the hotel you were staying at and as much as you wanted to skip it and relax, Ed had mentioned he was going and looked forward to seeing you there so, back to your room you went in an attempt to freshen up.

It was the first time you felt like you could breathe once you’d locked yourself away in the room, no more work ahead of you. At least not until Monday. You had the party tonight and all day tomorrow to recoup and pack up and then you were headed back home the next day, expecting a slow Sunday to catch up on laundry and maybe have dinner with Jack if he didn’t have plans or someone over.

After a quick change of clothes, from your pants suit to a dress you’d almost not packed, you did a quick touch up of your mascara and headed down.

Margo had already told you she was flying back early, a red eye tonight, so your eyes searched for the only other person you’d know.

Ed wasn’t hard to find.

The tall, broad man stood out in the crowds of people huddled around tables and in groups. His smile was real but the laughs were fake, polite, to the group of three men he was talking to.

You grab a drink on your way over to him, sipping at it quickly and passing by a few people you’d met throughout the week and waving back. Once you successfully reach Ed, and your drink is empty, your stomach slowly starts to twist with nerves. While you’d seen him the last few days, it had only been in passing. Quick hellos and acknowledging nods when you were in the same room.

He’s quick to pull you into his side, squeezing you lightly before pulling away to introduce you to the group of men he’s been talking to. They’re all bigwigs at Kennedy and you fumble at first, not expecting them to want to speak to you but they’re eager to learn about who you are, what you do and what you want to do. You know it’s Ed’s doing with the way he’s smiling in the corner of your eye as you talk to them and you cock your hip against his in a show of thanks.

Eventually they leave, handshakes and promises to talk again soon. You and Ed wave them off with thanks before turning to each other and you’re quick to smack him in the chest.

“Jesus Christ, Ed. Warn a girl, won’t you?”

He catches your hand against his chest and that’s when you notice it.

His wedding band is missing.

Instead, there’s a band of pale skin wrapped around his ring finger on his left hand and suddenly your tongue is heavy in your mouth as he responds. “Didn’t realize what I was doin’ was a bad thing,” he promises, giving your hand a squeeze before letting it go and it falls at your side. “They were nice though, right?”

It’s hard to focus on anything else and when you watch someone walk by with a tray of drinks, you grab two, place your empty glass on the tray, and hand the extra to Ed. “Yeah,” you agree quietly, sipping at your second flute of champagne.

“Everything alright?” His tone is laced with concern and you’re quick to shake your head in protest.

“Yeah, no, everything is fine. Just a little tired is all,” you tell him, polishing off your glass and already on the lookout for another.

You can tell Ed doesn’t quite believe you but you’re thankful he doesn’t bring it up again, instead leading you towards the bar in the back of the room.

It’s a bunch of small talk once you’re both leaned against the bar with another drink in front of you. He asks about your week and you tell him about all of the things you’d seen for the first time and how it only made you want to strive for something better.

You pointedly don’t ask for another drink after you polish off your third. You felt better than before, less nervous, but still were aware of your surroundings and in control. At least you thought you were until you opened your mouth.

“Did something happen?” You can’t help yourself, blurting it out and you hold a hand to your mouth in embarrassment once you realize what you’ve said.

Ed only pauses before he holds his left hand up to the light, rubbing his thumb along the inside of his ring finger. “Yeah uh,” he pauses, like he’s trying to word what he says next carefully and you go to stop him but he stops you first. “We’re separating. I think. It all happened so fast- right before I left but. Yeah. I think that’s what’s gonna happen.”

“God, Ed. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s not my business and-,” Ed cuts you off, places his hand over yours on the bar and shakes his head.

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault and,” he breathes deeply, finishes off his drink. “Honestly? It’s the biggest fucking weight off my shoulders.”

“What?” You’re lost, eyebrows knitted in confusion and Ed just chuckles quietly.

“Because now I don’t have to feel so guilty. And she doesn’t either.”

Your stomach sinks and you repeat yourself, “What?”

Ed’s thumb brushes along the top of your hand, turning it over and traces his fingers along the lines in your palm. It’s surprisingly intimate and your lungs are burning as you hold your breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Come up to my room with me? It’s too loud down here.” He asks quietly, pressing his thumb into your palm and it knocks you out of your stupor, gaze finally meeting Ed’s and you can only nod.

The ride up to his room is quiet, the elevator dings filling the space as you pass the floors on the way up. You stop close to the top and trail behind Ed as he finds his room and you follow behind him, shutting the door and leaning against it for stability.

You’re not sure what to expect by coming up here with him but he starts puttering around the room, kicking his dress shoes off and loosening his tie. Getting comfortable.

His eyes find you pressed against the door and he motions for you to come further into the room, “I ain’t gonna bite ya. Want a drink?”

You nod but have no intention of actually drinking it, just wanting something to do with your hands and you walk further into the room. The curtains are pulled open, a view of the Kennedy Space Center below you, bright in the night sky. The stars are shining and clear and for whatever reason, it gives you a sense of calm. Like things will be okay.

“Here ya go.” Ed presses the glass of dark liquor into your hands and you nod in thanks, moving to lean against the desk that sits against the wall next to the windows.

“What did you mean down there?” You ask, dragging your eyes from your drink to meet his hazel gaze. “About feeling guilty? Did something happen with Karen?”

At this point you don’t care anymore, too curious. It’s safer to ask about Karen than to ask what’s going on with Ed and you’re hoping he’ll elaborate on his end on his own without prompting.

“She ah- she slept with someone else,” he laughs, tossing back his drink and rolling his eyes with a grimace. “I’d known something was off for the last few weeks but she told me last Friday right before my flight here and she said somethin’ about counseling but that’s not really my thing.”

You feel your heart squeeze at his confession and you set your drink on the desk, moving to sit next to him on the bed where he hangs his head low.

“I can’t let her take all the blame though, you know? I’m no saint either. I just ain’t done nothin’ about it. Yet.”

Ed drags his gaze up from his lap, meeting your own and your stomach drops, mouth going dry and you lick at your lips unconsciously. Your body warms as you realize Ed’s eyes are following the movement of your tongue.

“Ed,” you breathe in warning, suddenly aware of how close you are. Arms pressed together, thighs barely a breath apart.

“I’ve dreamt about kissing you for longer than I’d like to admit,” he confesses, his words hanging in the stiff hotel room air. “I told Gordo about it once. He told me to just go for it, said you had some sort of arrangement with Jack but-.”

“We do.” You cut him off, trying to explain. “We’ve had one for a couple of years now. We’re separated in the way that we have separate rooms and he has a girlfriend who’s actually pretty great.”

“Huh.”

Ed seems stumped at that, like he doesn’t know what to say.

Suddenly you feel foolish. Coming up here was a mistake and as you go to rise, Ed’s hand grabs yours.

“Don’t go.”

He looks desperate when you turn around to look at him. Eyes wide, neck strained. Like he’s been holding himself back and when you finally lock eyes, he pulls you into him, slides you between his open thighs and says again, “Don’t go.”

You’re quick to slide into his lap, dress hiked up and thighs wrapping around his waist, pressing into him. Your arms wrap around his neck and pull his head up to meet yours.

Kissing Ed is just how you thought it would be. Passionate and all consuming. His tongue presses deep into your mouth, sweeping in and around your own to coax the quietest of moans from you.

You want more. No, you need more and maybe Ed can sense that because he starts to tug at the zipper to your dress. The material goes slack and falls down your shoulders, exposing your chest to the cool air and Ed tugs it further down, off your arms and down your torso to pool around your belly.

His mouth is a hot press against your skin as he maps out all the newly exposed flesh for him to taste. Your fingers weave through the silky strands of Ed’s hair, tugging as his mouth sucks a hickey into the top of your breast.

It’s more passion than you’ve felt in years and your whole body is aching. Crotch damp against the heft of Ed, hard and swelling in his dress pants.

You have to stop him. As much as you love the way he’s taking his time, you need to speed things up, need him buried deep inside of you and you tug his mouth away from your skin before sliding off of his lap to stand between his thighs again.

The rest of your dress falls at your feet and you kick the material away, leaving you in your bra and underwear.

It feels like tit for tat once Ed starts undoing the buttons to his dress shirt, tossing it in the direction of where your dress had landed and so you reach back and undo the clasp to your bra, nipples hardening as they meet the air. His pants and boxers are next, his cock lying thick between his strong thighs and you feel yourself clench, bending down to slide your underwear off toe them off.

You thought you’d feel exposed but instead you feel a confidence rising through you that you’d never felt before because standing here, in front of Ed like this, makes you feel empowered. He looks like a man starved as he takes you in, hands reaching for your hips to pull you closer.

“You’re so fuckin’ beautiful,” he whispers against the skin of your belly, raises his head between your breasts and you just grin.

“You’re not too bad yourself there, Admiral,” you tease, pushing his hair back.

He picks you up then, tosses you onto the bed and positions himself on top of you.

Ed is just so broad and while it had always been apparent, it’s different with him looming over you like this, cheshire grin and sparkling eyes full of need.

He’s ravenous in the way he consumes you, mouth unrelenting as he maps out your body. Hands and tongue working in tandem to make sure they don’t miss anything, your body arching into the press and pull as he works you over.

It’s as he nips at your hip and presses your thighs apart that you finally feel a bit of nerves coursing through you.

It wasn’t common to find a man between your legs. Ever. Jack had done it once, in college, said he didn’t much care for it and that was that. He didn’t expect the same from you so it wasn’t really an issue but with Ed’s blonde hair peeking between your open thighs, his tongue darting out to taste you, you wonder why it had never become a problem because shit it was good.

Ed eats you out like a man starved, tongue lapping and sucking. He uses his fingers to pull you apart, give him more room to work and as his mouth latches on to your clit, you cry out, back arching and pressing into his open mouth for more.

“Shit, Ed,” you breathe out, hands bunching into the comforter below you and you can barely make out him chuckling through the ringing in your ears.

“You taste good,” he comments as he slowly presses two fingers into you, “Could just stay down here all night if ya let me.”

You have to school your breathing as he starts to thrust the two long, thick digits into you and your brain has gone static that you don’t even have a reply other than a moan as he curls them before pulling out and doing it all over again.

It’s torture, the way he’s playing you. Your mouth is open and pressed against the pillow underneath your head, eyes screwed shut. It’s too much and you need more but it’s hard to form words. You’re sure you look a mess, body covered in a light sweat, bottom lip swollen from pulling it behind your teeth too much but Ed seems to think differently when he comes up from between your thighs and presses a kiss to the inside, his fingers stilling.

“Do you realize how fuckin’ sexy you look right now?” He tells you, tone low and he slowly slides his fingers out and waits for you to look at him before pressing them between his lips.

You’re not sure how it’s possible for your body to heat up more than it already has but sure enough, a warmth spreads through you at Ed’s words and you shake your head slowly.

“Stop it,” you tell him weakly, hand unclenching from the comforter to press at his forehead that’s leaned against your thigh.

“You don’t believe me,” he says in surprise, turning his head in disbelief.

Ed crawls up, hovering over you once more and knocks his head with yours. Taking your right hand in his, Ed slides it down his chest to stop at his groin before knocking it against the hard thickness of his cock and groans. “You did this to me. Made me so fuckin’ hard I can’t think straight. And it’s not the first time.”

It’s hard for you to pinpoint what you want to take from that but with him so close, you keep quiet, hand wrapping around the thick of him and sliding down to the tip. He’s wet there, precum oozing steadily and you use it to smooth the way as you pump him in your hand.

“Shit sweetheart, if you keep that up-,” he chokes out, head dropping to your shoulder and you grin, guiding him between your legs.

“Ed?” You ask, hand dropping from his cock to press against his back and he looks up, eyes searching yours.

“Hm?”

“Fuck me,” you breathe. “Please.”

It only takes a few seconds for him to process what you’ve asked him and he’s quick to oblige, positioning himself between your parted thighs and notching the head of his cock against the slick of your pussy.

You both groan in unison as he stretches you open, buries himself to the hilt and you both pause to take in the sensation.

Ed fills you up in all the right places, thick and long and it just feels right. You know he’ll take care of you and that’s the best feeling of it all.

It’s a slow rhythm at first. Ed pulls back only to press in deeper, knocking the breath out of you. Then it’s quick, short thrusts that hit a spot you’ve never felt before, eyes rolling back as you cling to him.

“Fuck you feel so good, so tight,” he hisses and you lift your hips to take him deeper, harder, ankle hooking behind his thigh and you clench.

Ed chokes out, one of his arms giving out and he falls to your chest in surprise at how good that’d felt. You run a hand through his hair, tugging at the root and he snaps out of it, quick to recover. His mouth seeks out your breasts and pulls your nipple into his mouth, hips snapping against yours almost angrily.

Your breaths and quietly slapping of skin fills the air as you fuck, your nails dragging down the expanse of his back, his shoulders. It’s dirty words whispered as he makes you feel so fucking good.

Your body starts to feel tight, wound up and you need more so you tell him as much, “Ed, touch me please,” you cry and he snakes a hand between your bodies and finds your clit, rubs the slick nub in tight circles and it’s over.

Your body arches comically high, pulling him in deeper as you pulse around the swell of his cock. Head pressed back against the softness of the pillow, you whine as you cum, his thumb unrelenting against your clit as your orgasm washes over you.

“That’s it, baby. Cum around my cock. Shit-,” Ed groans, his own orgasm taking over and he pulses long and thick into you and you can feel it. Filling you up in deep pulses.

It’s intoxicating, the way it feels as he slowly pulls out of you. You’re dripping between your thighs and it’s so fucking hot in a way you didn’t expect.

A soft whine passes through your lips once he’s fully out and slides out of the bed and you’re about to protest when you hear the bathroom sink turn on.

Ed is nothing if not a gentleman, and it’s apparent in the way he cleans you up. Careful swipes between your thighs and he parts you slowly to make sure he’s gotten every trace of himself before tossing the washcloth to the floor and sliding back into bed.

You waste no time turning on your side to face him, eyes tracing along his chest, shoulders and neck before moving up to his face and smiling when you find him doing the same.

“Hi,” you whisper, hand sliding up to cup his cheek and he turns his head just enough to press his lips to your palm.

“Hi.”

Ed’s grin is contagious and soon your cheeks hurt from smiling, head turning to move against his chest.

You both giggle as you lie there, settling into a comfortable companionship.

It’s hard to tell where this will go, too many variables existing in both of your lives to be clear on exactly where it can go but you’re happy to be along for the ride so long as Ed keeps smiling at you the way he is now, soft and open, like there’s nothing else in the world he’d rather be looking at.

#ed baldwin #for all mankind #joel kinnaman #ed baldwin x reader #for all mankind fic #my writing

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triplexdoublex · 3 years

Text

Pornstar

Pairings: Colson x Reader

Warnings/Tags: rough sex, anal sex, face fucking, gagging, spit, spitting in mouth, slight bondange, golden showers, pissing in mouth, slapping across face, being filmed.

A/N: Shout out to Shawnie ( @heytheregreeneyes) for always letting me use her as my OC and being my best friend. Also Colson isn’t MGK in this, just a pornstar so his personality isn’t as cocky as he usually is. I know I’ve mentioned it before but the sex in this is loosely based off my fave porn star Small Hands AKA Aaron Thompson. Hope this was worth the wait. Lemme know what you think! “Open it, open it!” Your roommate and best friend Shawnie stood before you with a gift bag in hand, shaking it excitedly.

“My birthday’s not even until this weekend,” You laughed taking the bag from her. “You sure you don’t want me to wait? It’s only a few more days.”

“ No please, I’ve kept this a secret for long enough, it’s killing me! Just open it!” She exclaimed. “Plus your gonna need time to prepare.”

“Prepare?”

“C’mom, just open it, open it, open it!!!” She was far too excited. You wondered what it could be that she was so eager to give you. But what you pulled out of the bag just left you with even more questions.

“Thanks???” You said confused, holding up a sexy red lace bra and matching g- string that tied at hips.

“That’s only part of it,” she assured you. “What’s your biggest wish?” She tried to clue you in.

“Ummm paying off all my student debt?” You answered still puzzled. “Did you get me a job as a stripper?” You laughed.

“Okay, maybe ‘wish’ was the wrong word to use … hmmm—oh biggest fantasy!” She corrected herself.

“Oh to fuck my favorite porn star Huge Hands, AKA Colson Baker. You know that — wait … no, no way!” You exclaimed as your friend started frantically nodding her head yes. “Shut up!!! What? You’re kidding. Like how?”

“Look in the bag . There’s more!”

You reached into the bag and pulled out a pass of some kind and read it aloud. “Huge Hands/Colson Baker : Exclusive Access, Porn Star for a Day pass”

“They were super limited, I have no clue how I managed to snag one, but I’m so happy I did! The look on your face right now is priceless!” Shawnie laughed. “It’s probably because you’re the only one I know who’s crazy enough to actually go through with this.”

“I-I don’t even know what to say. I have no words… thank you.” You expressed your gratitude, still in shock. “I’m really about to have the best sex of my life this weekend! On my birthday yet! Have you seen his fucking cock, it’s huuuge!”

“Yes, many times,” Shawnie chuckled , entertained by how pumped you are. “Or did you forget about all the links of his umm ‘work’ you’ve sent me?” Shawnie wasn’t big on porn herself but she was always willing to take an interest in your latest obsessions, no matter what they were. That’s what you loved most about her. “Turn it over, it tells you more about what’s included on the back.”

You did as she suggested, turning the pass over to read more. “Half hour zoom call day before to privately discuss details, and needs/wants of scene; hair and make up; up to one hour of shooting time; and keepsake autographed DVD recording,” you listed off. “You know I’m gonna watch that everyday for the rest of my life, right?”

“I’m assuming you’re gonna make me watch it at least once too, knowing you,” Shawnie laughed.

“Yeah probably,” you laughed as well. “ I got no shame!”

*************

You’re stomach was in knots as you waited for the zoom call to begin; you’d never felt so excited and nervous at the same time. Shawnie was there with you sitting just out of frame, when the ‘bloop’ of the call came through your computer's speakers.

“Hi, Y/N?” Colson questioned.

“Yeah, hi. That’s me!” You did a timid little wave.

“Ok good, just wanted to make sure I got the right person before we get started here. Imagine that … Awkward!,” he laughed, and you instantly began to relax; you could tell he was going to be easy to talk to. “Well, obviously you know what I do , but I’d love to hear a little about you. Says here on your forms you’re a college student?”

“Wait, what forms?” You asked.

“The ones you filled out online with your info and kinks and things you wanted to include in our video when you purchased the Pornstar for a day package,” he answers slightly confused.

“Ohhh, my friend bought me this for my birthday, she must have filled them out.” You responded. “She’s right here. Say hi Shawnie!”

“Hi!” She giggled leaning into frame.

“Hello. Wow this must be some “friendship” he joked making air quotes. “Because this is a very detailed list. You gotta hear this.” He smirks. “Written in the section about what you hope to include in our scene says— and I quote: I want Huge Hands/ Colson to absolutely destroy me. I want him to fuck my throat, my pussy and my ass. I want him to slap me around, and spit and piss in my mouth, and anything else he wants to do to me, I’m all for it.” He choked out a laugh pulling dramatically at the collar of his shirt “Whew, I’m the pornstar here and that’s even got me blushing!”

“Oh my God, Shawnie!” You covered your beet red face.

“What!?, did I lie?” She laughed.

“I mean no, but still. Damn, to hear it out loud like that.” Your eyes bulged.

“So it’s true then?” Colson asked slyly.

“Yeah, that pretty much sums it up,” you hid your smile behind your hand, shaking your head in embarrassed disbelief.

“Aye, no need to be embarrassed, we’re gonna have fun tomorrow, I can tell,” he smiled. “I’m especially excited that your interested in Anal. It’s kinda my favorite. I’m assuming you’ve done it before?”

“Yeah,” you answered simply.

“Do you enjoy it?” He asked.

“Tell him what your ex said!” Shawnie blurted out.

“Oh, boy. I gotta hear this,” he chuckled. “What’d the ex say?”

You inhaled deeply before speaking, “I do enjoy it, probably more than regular sex, if I’m being honest,” you admitted. There was no use trying to be coy now. “Uhhh he actually said I could be a pornstar since I can take a hard anal pounding so well.”

“Nice!” He exclaimed. “Girl, after my own heart.”

“Jesus Christ, this conversation has me sweating already,” you chuckled standing up to pull your cardigan off.

“Is that a little tattoo I saw there, peaking out of the top of your jeans?” He asked.

“Yeah, you wanna see?” You unzipped your jeans without waiting for a response and lowered the top of your underwear just enough to show him.

“ The Playboy bunny, huh? How fitting,” he teased.

“What can I say, it was my first tattoo,” you giggled “Seemed like that’s what everyone was getting at the time.”

“What else you got going on down there?” He lifted his head as if trying to see more. “Is that a landing strip?” He asked referring to the thin dark stripe of short curls just barely visible above the band of your lowered underwear. “Can I see?”

“Yeah, sure,” you lowered them further exposing yourself, your inhibition long gone at that point. “This is just how I normally like to groom. I can shave it completely if you prefer?”

“Nah, it’s perfect,” he smiled. “Well, I think I have a pretty good idea now of what you like and what we’ll be getting ourselves into tomorrow. Do you have any questions or anything else you want me to know, before we end the call?”

“I don’t think so,” you said. “Shawnie pretty much laid it all out on those forms,” you laughed.

“That she did!” He produced a chuckle as well. “I meant to ask earlier, but, since she knows so much about your kinks and what not, have you two ever —“

“ No, just best friends, I tend to overshare, I guess.”

“Yeah it amazes me sometimes, the things women share with their friends, but yet guys are always the ones who are known to kiss and tell and brag about their conquests. Females can be just as bad, y’all just keep it on the low a little better,” he stated. “Well, I look forward to working with you tomorrow. Take care, and I’ll see you soon.”

“Can’t wait!” You responded. “Bye.”

“Bye,”

You felt oddly comforted and at ease after the call, no longer a ball of nerves or embarrassment. He made you feel like there was no shame in enjoying the things you did. He was very professional despite the nature of the call; it didn’t feel sleezy or overly salacious; just two consenting adults having a mature conversation about their sexual desires.

*************************

When you walked out of hair and make-up and onto set, you saw Colson waiting for you on a red leather couch. He was clad in only black dress pants; shirtless — his tattoos on full display. He smiled seductively when he saw you, beckoning you over with a pat to his thighs. You undid your silk robe they had given you and let it slip from your shoulders to the floor, revealing the red lacy set Shawnie had bought you, as you made your way over to him. You suddenly became very aware of all the cameras and other people in the room, as you sat on his lap. Somehow it has slipped your mind that they were all a part of what went into this.

“You get used to it,” he said softly , remembering the way he felt his first time in front of the cameras. “Just pretend they’re not even there— only me and you, okay?” He said brushing a finger along your thigh. “Unless, Shawnie forgot to mention you’re an exhibitionist too, then by all means enjoy them watching us fuck,” he joked, making you laugh. “Don’t forget, if you need me to stop at anytime for any reason, just give me three quick taps,” he demonstrated, tapping your thigh. “Don’t worry about the filming, they can always edit and piece things back together if needed. This is all for you and I want you to enjoy yourself. Oh and happy birthday by the way! It’s today right?”

“Yeah,” you smiled. “Thank you.”

“Ok, so we’ll just start the scene with some kissing and light touches, and when I feel you’re ready I’ll signal the camera man, he’ll call action, and then we'll be recording.”

“Sounds good,” you nodded your head. He had made you feel so comfortable and relaxed the last bit of nervousness you chalked up to just being slightly star struck; You never thought in a million years you’d get this opportunity.

“Ready?,” he pressed his forehead to yours, staring directly into your eyes, the corners of his mouth turned up into the most alluring devilish grin.

“Ready,” you echoed back, biting your lip trying to suppress a needy whine. God you were always such a sucker for his killer eye contact in his films, and now you were the one his eyes were soul fucking. You’re heart pounded with excited anticipation as Colson’s face drew nearer to your own. He lightly held your chin as he pressed his lips to yours, parting them to introduce his tongue. It was a welcome greeting, cut short by the breathy “oh fuck ” that involuntarily slipped from your lips.

“”You good?” He laughed softly, a small puff of air the only thing separating your mouths; your foreheads still touching.

“More...than good,” you spoke in a short choppy sentence trying to compose yourself.

“That’s what I like to hear,” he smirked against your lips, continuing to kiss you.

You melted into his kisses— slow and gentle at first, increasing in intensity as he carried on. When he nipped at your bottom lip with a low groan, you lost all innocence, shifting positions to straddle his lap. You gripped the back of his head, as he kissed you and rolled your hips against him, demanding more. And that’s when he knew … that you were ready. He quickly signaled to the cameraman with a thumbs up, and “Action” was called.

His hand slipped down from your chin, settling on the highest part of your neck just under your jaw, his fingers squeezing at your pulse points on either side. Roughly he turned your head to the side with a push of his thumb and his mouth began mauling your neck with an appetite for lust, leaving blooming raspberry patches along the descending path of flesh that lead to your breasts. With one hand he expertly undid the front clasp of your red lace bra and took in the sight of you.

“Perfect,” he whispered into your flesh with a growl, taking one breast in each hand as he licked between them, keeping his eyes locked on yours. You slid the silky straps of your lingerie over your shoulders, letting it fall, as he took turns going back and forth between each breast treating each of your nipples to light suction and a pleasurable nibble. You let out a moan at his actions and again rolled your hips in his lap, pressing yourself against the hardening bulge inside his dress pants. “Needy are we?” He teased swiftly spinning you around so your back was to his chest. He dug his chin into your shoulder peering over it as he snatched up the crotch of your panties roughly, tugging the material up between your lips . You canted your hips up chasing after the friction of the coarse fabric against your clit. “You like that, huh?” He pulled them harsher.

“Mmmm, yes” you squeaked out, nodding your head.

“Yeah, I bet you do,” he growled nipping at your neck. “Look at this pretty pussy,” he shoved the material to the side exposing you, letting his fingers explore your folds as he pleased. “You want my cock right in here huh?” His voice was so gravelly and low as he slipped a finger inside you, only to quickly pull it back out, teasing you. “Taste yourself,” he brought the finger to your mouth. You wrapped your lips around it, as he slid it further into your mouth, his long fingers slipping down the back of your throat. “Oh, god, yes!” He exclaimed impressed by how you didn’t even gag. “Tell ya what—“ he paused to add a second finger to your mouth, continuing to talk as you sucked “If you can suck my dick as good as that—“ he then pulled them back out of your mouth. “I might just have to fuck you right in here too,” he shoved his spit slicked fingers into your ass.

“Yes, fuck, please!” You whined, wiggling your hips, wanting his fingers deeper.

“You like that? Huh. You dirty little anal whore!” He grabbed your neck with his free hand, keeping you pinned back against him, the fingers of his other hand still moving inside you.

“Yes, yes! I am,” you strained to speak. “Please, please fuck my ass!” You whined impatiently with pleasure. You never heard yourself sound so needy and desperate in your life.

“You sound you pretty when you beg, but you're gonna have to earn it first,” he demanded pulling out his fingers, leaving you feeling empty. Quickly, you dropped to your knees in front of the couch as Colson got up standing before you. You waited impatiently while Colson unbuckled his belt above you. Once undone he yanked the belt free from the loops with a satisfying ‘whoosh’ that made you pulse between your thighs. You desperately clawed his pants and boxers down his legs like a feral cat in heat as Colson brought the tip to your mouth, still holding onto his belt in the other. “Open!,” he demanded. “Goooood,” he growled in praise as you did what you were told. You reached up to grab it but ,“no hands!” he smacked them away, and then secured them behind your back with his belt. “Let’s try this again, open!” He spoke harshly. You obliged, opening wide. “Tongue” he barked. You let it hang from your mouth with anticipation; eager breaths rolling down it like a panting dog eyeing a steak. He teased you, slapping his cock against your tongue before shoving it fully into your mouth. Your eyes prickled with tears as you fought your gag reflex, taking him down your throat. He held your head in place with one hand , the tip of your nose pressed flush against the coarse hair of his pelvis, as he hunched his body forward over yours untying the sides of your G-string. It slipped from your body leaving you completely nude. Colson smacked your ass, then gripped it harshly, making it jiggle for him before finally standing straight up and pulling his hips back to let you come up for air.

“Huuuuuuhhhh,” you inhaled sharply gasping for breath, letting oxygen penetrate deep into your lungs before Colson stuffed your mouth again. Mascara ran down your hollowed out cheeks as you sucked. You started pulling back out of instinct when you began to gag but Colson held you in place.

“No, keep it in your mouth,” he instructed condescendingly, looking down at you. “Just a little longer” he promised. You tried your best, Colson letting out a throaty moan every time your raw, used throat constricted around him as he fucked into it. “Mmmgghh,” he groaned, pulling out of your mouth “Goooood girl,” he praised with a smirk, before bending down to give you a sloppy kiss, swapping mouthfuls of saliva. Just as he pulled away he let a long string of collected spit slip from his pursed lips and into your open mouth, where you eagerly accepted it, moaning as you swallowed it down.

You let out a breathy “awhhh” as you opened your mouth again, wiggling your tongue enticingly.

“Such a dirty, fucking whore,” he bent down again and spat directly in your face. He smeared it all over your face with his hand before grabbing you by the neck, pulling you to your feet. “Turn around,” he ordered. You did as he said and Colson undid his belt from around your wrists. Before you even had a chance to soothe your sore wrists with a rub, Colson spun you around and pushed you down onto your back on the couch, your ass teetering on the edge of the red leather cushion. “Spread yourself for me,” he instructed, as he pumped himself. Again you did as you were told; you pulled your legs up, wrapping an arm around each thigh, holding them back as you parted your opening with your fingers. “God, you’re so fucking wet.” He teased the head of his cock through the glistening mess on display for him.

“Fuck me,” you said in an inpatient huff, staring into his eyes.

“Awhhh, yessss,” he groaned out, slack jawed as he sank into you

“Ohhh, shit,” you screamed out , face twisted in pleasure, your eyes slipping shut, at the feeling of him burying himself deep in your cunt.

“Open your eyes. Look at me!” He spoke harshly, cupping your face in his hands as he thrust. You opened your eyes, trying to focus on his, but your vision was spotted by the intensity of it all. “Feel good?” He pressed his forehead to yours just as he’d done earlier , starring directly into the windows to your soul as he fucked you. You nodded the best you could, but that wasn’t good enough for him. “Words, I want words. Say yes!”

“Yes.. yes,” you responded breathily, biting at your lip.

“Yeah, Mmmghhh, that’s it. Fuck, I like it when you use your words” he moaned , shifting himself to be more upright. He then spit on the tips of his fingers and brought them to your clit and began rubbing it furiously, his cock still destroying you.

“OH Fuck!” You cried out, wiggling and bucking your hips.

“You gonna fucking stay still? He roughly grabbed your face, squeezing your cheeks. You nodded your head, trying your best to calm your body’s erratic, pleasure driven movements as he thrust. “Words!” He spat, his hand letting go of your face only to connect it to your cheek again with a quick, yet harsh slap.

“Shit! ...Yes!” You corrected yourself once again, Your body was loving how aggressive he was getting the longer he fucked you and he could tell; spitting at and striking your face again.

“Turn over!” He ordered, abruptly pulling out. “Hands on the back of the couch.” He roughly assisted you in turning around , and you placed your hands where instructed. You arched your back and pushed your ass out waiting for him to re enter you from the new position. “This is where you really want it, huh?” He teased his cock over your asshole.

“Yes!,” you remembered to use your words this time.

“You’re a dirty little fucking anal whore, aren’t you? He asked, he question sounding a lot more like a statement. “Let me hear you said it.” He applied pressure to your hole with the tip, as he yanked back a fist full of your hair.

“I’m a dirty little fucking anal whore!,” you repeated desperately pushing back against him.

“Mmmghh!, That you are!” He confirmed with a groan, snapping hips hips forward, quickly entering you.

“Uhhhhh, Oh my God!” You exclaimed at the feeling. You never fully understood why you enjoyed anal as much as you did, perhaps it was the pleasurable fullness, the taboo aspect, the fact that you were one of the few woman who were into it, or the way so many men were obsessed with it , and the look on their face when they found out you were more than willing to take it up the ass, but you absolutely loved it, and this time was no different. Every jack hammered thrust brought you closer and closer to the edge, especially when Colson reached around to between your legs adding the friction of his fingers to your clit. The sensation of your ass being stuffed combined with his touch was the perfect recipe for orgasm and you felt it building every time his cock slid in and out.

“Yeah, cum for me,” he could feel you tightening around him. His words perfectly in sync with the jolt of pleasure boiling over in your abdomen and ripping through you with vast intensity. A series of explitives and sounds you’ve never heard yourself make, flew from you lips as your body went boneless under Colson. He quickly pulled out, turned you back over and came across your face with a few pumps of his hand. He collapsed to the side of you briefly, before tugging you off the couch and onto your knees. “I’m not done with you just yet,” he spoke out of breath taking his softening dick in his hand. Your eyes lit up, you knew what he was referring too— the only thing on your list of wants he hadn’t included yet. “Say ahhh!”

“Ahhh,” you echoed the request, letting his golden stream fill your mouth, splash off your tongue and dribble down your chin and body. You giggled, piss spilling from your smile as you looked up at him, all your fantasies now fulfilled.

“Annnd cut!” Called the director. A few stage hands scrambled to bring you both a towel and small refreshments. “Almost done, just gonna get you guys a little cleaned up, rehydrated, let you catch your breath a bit, and then film the little quick, post scene interview.

“Ok,” you both answered.

Colson tossed his towel over his shoulders and reached out his hand to you “You, good?” He asked with a faint laugh , watching your hand shake as you drank your water.

“Yeah,” you answered letting him pull you up onto the couch.

“You were amazing,” he said, rubbing your back. He knew the come down from the adrenal rush of scenes could be taxing, especially from rough ones . “You —“

“Ready,” the director interrupted, cutting him short, and immediately pressing record. “So how was it?” the director focused the camera on you first.

“Oh my god.. mind blowing,” you answered , still out of breath, adjusting your towel.

“And you?” The director turned the camera to Colson.

“ Absolutely amazing. She was a natural. I’d love to work with her again.”

#colson baker #colson baker fanfic #colson baker smut #colson baker x reader #mgk #mgk fanfic #mgk smut #mgk x reader #machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly fanfic #machine gun kelly smut #machine gun kelly x reader #small hands #aaron thompson

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quicksilverownsmysoul · 3 years

Text

A Few Too Many

MARE OF EASTTOWN SPOILERS

This is based off the 3rd episode of Mare of Easttown, it’s based off the scene where he’s with Mare but I changed it up a bit! The reader and Colin are friends and he ends up confiding in her after a few too many drinks! I hope y’all like it! My poor baby my heart broke for him while watching it and rewriting it 😭 I wrote this immediately after watching this weeks episode so it may be a little messy

Warning: Angst, little fluff at the end

Heyyyyyy pretty lady.” Colin slurred, sliding over to you, nearly missing the bar stool as he stumbled to sit down.

You let out a little snort, drunk Colin seemed to be a lot more confident than sober Colin. “Hey pretty boy, what are you doing here?” He gave you a lopsided smile at your indirect compliment.

“Nothing.” He laughed out. “Just having some drinks.” He lifted his hand up, “Hey bar guy!” The bartender shot him a dirty looked and walked over to you two. You hid your laughter behind your hand as you watched Colin apologize to the guy. “Sorry I uh won’t do that again. Uhhhh can I get a couple more shots and one more for m’lady.” He said pointing at you as his eyebrows wiggled. You giggled at this new persona he had taken on.

He downed a shot and didn’t even shudder at the taste. “Ya know my reunion was today.”

“Was it?” You asked taking a sip from your own bottle.

“Yeah.” He giggled out.

“Did you have fun?”

“Yeah. I did.” He gave you a smile, you watched as he laughed it off, the corners of his mouth dipping downward. “Actually ya know what I didn’t.” His eyes never left yours, the joy that was in his voice was slowly disappearing by the second. “You know my ex was there.” He let out a dry laugh, “Almost my ex wife. She called it off two weeks before the wedding.” His eyes glossed over, he blinked a couple times before letting out a laugh. “But what are you gonna do.” He picked up his beer and chugged it.

Your eyes widened at his confession. You never even knew Colin was dating anyone before he came to Easttown, much less engaged. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He watched your reaction and in seeing your eyes look at him with worry he quickly changed the subject. “Are those peanuts any good?” He tipped his drink towards the basket of them that was placed in front of you. He reached out and popped some into his mouth before drowning them with another swing. He lifted up his empty bottle and clinked it against yours. “Cheers to peanuts.” You reached your hand out towards him and gently rested it on his own.

He looked down and your hand before pressing on with his story. “Yeah. Uhhhh yeah it all happened so fast. And I don’t even know how it happened.” He chuckled darkly, his eyes not meeting your own. He stared down at his hands, moving the bottle back and forth. “I woke up one day and she went nope! Not in love with you anymore!” He let out a loud laugh at this, giggling to himself, people glanced over at his shaking figure. “Just ya know let me put my bagel down.” He imitated holding his morning bagel, as if setting the scene for you. Ya know what I mean.” He sniffled. “I don’t know.” He pulled his hand back from under yours, running it down his face. “I’m getting to that age where, like like where I’m starting to look at my life.” He stumbled all over his words, doing his best to form sentences in between giggling. “Like I look at it and it’s like what I thought it would be like annnnd-“ He struggled to find the words his smile fading and in its place a solemn look took over. “And here’s what it actually is.”

You gave him a sympathetic smile. He ran his hands up and down his arms, trying to calm himself down. He let out another laugh, his face crinkling up to the point where you couldn’t even see his eyes. “Am I making any fucking sense?”

You looked down at your own drink, which like Colin’s served a purpose. “Yeah you are, I mean I always thought I’d be something more than I am ya know.” You turned yourself to face him. “I always thought I was going to do big things, to be someone ya know. And instead of I’m just floating through life.” He nodded along to your confession. You glanced over at him, it seemed this thing with his ex was bugging him much more than he was letting on.

“Colin.”

“Hmm?” He lifted his head to look at you.

“You know if you ever need someone to talk to I’m always gonna be here.” You reached your hand for his again, he flinched slightly at the action. You ran your thumb gently along the veins on his hand, he relaxed under your touch. “You know that right? You don’t have to keep it all in.” He watched you with watery eyes opening his mouth to say something. But before he could a loud yell interrupted him.

“COLINNN!!! SHOTSSSS!!!” You looked up to see two men on the other side of the room calling for him, their voices slurring together. You turned back to Colin just in time to see him quickly wiping the tears from his eyes. He sniffled and put a smile back on.

“Fuck yeah!” He called out and slid off the stool to join them. You caught his hand as he was leaving.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?” His eyes were still watery and his nose was red and sniffly, but he had a forced smile on his face. As if on cue he was switching back to his original drunk state of flirty and fun.

“Oh course I am m’lady.” He pulled you closer and you nearly fell off the stool. “Unless you don’t want me to go cause you want me here with you.” He leaned in closer, his breath fanning out, reaking of alcohol. You pushed him back gently by his chest.

“I think you should go home Colin. I can take you.”

“Nah.” He said with a big gesture. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me pretty girl.” He stumbled towards you and gave you a sloppy kiss on the lips, he pulled off with a loud pucker. He was already going to join his friends on the other side of the bar before you even realized what had happened.

You glanced down at your own drink, you hadn’t even taken more than two sips of it. But now you found it completely unappetizing, you slid it away and payed your tab. You didn’t want to leave Colin there but it was getting late. You pulled your coat closer to yourself as you stepped out into the cold night. You had driven there and you could probably drive back, you hadn’t drunken that much but you thought aganist it.

You made your way along the pathway, stopping at the all night bakery of a late night snack. You waited in the line for a while before finally paying and taking your desserts with a grateful smile. As you made your way out of the shop there was a man stumbling on the other side of the street. You squinted your eyes and when he passed under the streetlight you realized it was Colin. You called out for him but he couldn’t seem to hear you. You looked both way before sprinting across the street towards him. He saw your approaching figure and held his arms out towards you a big smile on his face. “Heeeeeyyyy (y/n).” He pulled you into a big hug, crushing your desserts in between your bodies. He breathed in the scent of your hair, before finally realizing you. “What are you doing here?”

You ignored his question and asked one of your own. “Colin are you okay?”

He smiled wide at you, his eyes red and tired. “Of course. I’m um I’m heheh I’m great I’m umm-“ He broke out laughing at his own attempt to form a sentence. He was doubled over now, choking on his own laughs. You watched as his laughter turned into tears, loud sobs, shaking his whole body. He clung to the sleeve of your jacket and yanked you closer you, he began to slump down kneeing on the floor in front of you his arms wrapped tightly around your waist as he cried into your coat. You kneeled down next to him and wrapped your arms tightly around him, forcing down your own tears that were forming at watching him break. “Why-y” he hiccuped out, his voice still muffled by your coat. “Why did she leave me.” He cried out. “She just came up to me and told me that she didn’t love me anymore.” He sniffled and roughly began to wipe the tears from his face with the palms of his hands. He pulled back to look at you. “How can someone just do that? How can someone you love so much just decide one day they don’t love you back?”

“I don’t know.” You rubbed circles into his back. “I don’t know honey, but I do know that she didn’t deserve you. She doesn’t deserve someone who cares so much that he’ll do anything for her, that he loves her so much even the mention of her breaks him. She must have been truly heartless. Because how could someone fall out of love with the most perfect man in the world.” He lifted his head up to look at you. You felt you face turn red and averted your gaze continuing on. “You are the sweetest most kindest man I’ve ever known. You care so much about everyone around you, and make everyone you come into contact with happy. You have this way of making us all laugh without even knowing it. And you don’t need her because you have so many other people in this town that love you.”

He let out a dry laugh. “Oh yeah, like who? ”

“Well like me-“ Your eyes widened at what you had said, you cursed yourself at letting that slip. You pressed on hoping he didn’t hear you. “Like Mare and-“

“Wait.” He looked up at you with soft eyes. “Did you say you love me?” You looked over at him, taking in his drunken state and his disheveled appearance. He was very drunk chances were he wasn’t going to remember this in the morning. You smiled softly at him.

“Yeah, I love you pretty boy.” He just leaned his head onto your shoulder, snuggling himself even closer.

“Please tell me again that you love me.”

You brushed his hair back from his face. “I love you. I love you. I love you-“ As you whispered it to him you knew he was never going to remember any of this is the morning. You knew that after you walked him home and put him to bed this would all become a drunken blur. Nothing more than then a dream he could never remember. But that didn’t matter to you right now, you didn’t care if he loved you back at this moment, you just needed him to know he was loved. And that he was worthy of it.

Tags: @xmaximoffic

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writing-in-april · 4 years

Text

Any Iteration

Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Summary: Reader is nervous that this new iteration of her won’t be something Spencer will like.

A/N: This is my first fic for my 1250 follower celebration!! If you want another fic with nipple piercings check out my first smut ever- Surprise Pretty Boy. It’s also based on this request that my amazing girlfriend @spencers-dria gave me- also please go send her some love she just tested positive for covid 🥺 Also again thank you all for 1250 followers- I can’t believe this is my 4th follower celebration!! I’m planning to continue to do them every time I hit another milestone (every 250) however- if I hit one while I’m doing my 30 fics in 30 days for April I’m going to find an alternative way to celebrate besides my usual 7 fics in 7 days- let me know what y’all would be open too (maybe a bunch of fic rec lists or maybe a writing contest 🤷‍♀️ idk send me an anon if you have an opinion on what would be the best option!) Thanks for reading and requests are open!

Warnings: 18+, Non specific dom, Nose piercing (F), Nipple Piercings (F), Lots of nipple play, Unprotected sex, Slight bit of cockwarming at the end

Main Masterlist Word Count: 2.1k

Spencer wasn’t one to get angry about anything, disappointment or frustrations were the most extreme negative feelings that he normally felt towards someone that had wronged him. I was dreadfully afraid to see the look of disappointment on Spencer’s face.

We hadn’t been dating for long, only about three months of official dating. We also hadn’t gotten much further than a heated makeout session so he wouldn’t have seen any of the other piercings I had hidden under my shirt.

I had other piercings that weren’t visible to the naked eye that didn’t help quelling the fear that I felt. He had never taken off my shirt before as we had decided to go at a relatively slow pace in our relationship. I wondered in fear if he would also be disappointed with the barbells that were pierced through both of my nipples or- would he like them because they were not as prominent as the ring that was proud on my face.

I had said I’d meet him at his apartment to watch some Dr. Who and eat whatever take out we were feeling like that night. My nerves were lit with worry as I stood in the elevator after he had buzzed me up.

When he opened the door to his apartment to let me in I held my head slightly down as I walked in not wanting to have the conversation about the nose ring while I was in the hallway.

“Do you like it?” The words slipped out immediately when I turned to face him, not even letting him get a good look at me before speaking, my voice meek.

“Like what?” He was still confused, until I pointed to the ring that was pierced through my nose. “Oh- of course I love it!”

“Thanks, Spencer.” I fidgeted with my fingers a little still feeling nervous even though he had said he loved it.

“Why do you look so nervous?”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t like it.” My admission made Spencer frown and silence fell between us for a second while he pondered my words.

“I’d love any iteration of you.” There was no hesitation when he spoke. He always had such a way with words, including when he was ranting and of course his stuttering when he was embarrassed or nervous. His eyes were wide with adoration as if he’d never consider thinking you were anything less than gorgeous.

A rush of boldness came through me, wanting to show him what else I had hidden. My fingers danced along the hem of my shirt, maybe this was moving a bit faster than what we had spoken about earlier. But, I wanted to show him, to either let it lead to something more or to let him know what he was looking forward to when we made that step at a later date.

“Well- if you like this one I have another piercing that you might enjoy…” My voice was still holding a bit of tension, he may have liked the nose ring- but would he like the others?

When I pulled off my top his eyes went wide, his pupils expanding into black pools, he did not stop me. Then when my bra went off finally exposing the barbells that sat under my clothes everyday he was stunned speechless. I withered a bit under his gaze, fearing that my boldness had scared him. “I’m sorry if that was too much.”

He cut me off by speaking quickly, “N-not too much- just ummm- shocked??”

“Do you like them Spencer?” My confidence had returned a bit since he had confirmed that he did in fact, like them, but I still was holding back a bit.

When he gasped out a little ‘yes’ I decided to stop holding back, stepping closer towards him.

“You can touch them Spencer, that’s part of the reason why I got them.” I leaned in to press a soft ghost of a kiss to the shell of his ear making him shudder, I then whispered, “it makes them more- sensitive.”

A groan from deep in Spencer’s chest rose up quickly taking me by slight surprise. His large hands then rose up to finally palm my breasts, his hesitation had been whisked away by my words.

When he was no longer satisfied with palming my boobs he reached up with one hand to pinch my left nipple slightly. The slight sting sent a shock of pleasure down my spine in an instant, my panties dampening further in quick response.

A moment of silence passed, the tension suspended thick and heavy in the air before Spencer spoke, “Did you like that?”

I knew it was a rhetorical question, but I still answered with a slight whimper in my voice, “Yes!”

The confident smirk on his face was something I hadn’t seen much of from Spencer, but I was thoroughly enjoying it. He pinched them both this time- and much harder too. The moan I let out was almost pornographic which spurred Spencer on to continue to pinch them, rolling the buds between his fingers before pulling again.

When he moved forward to wrap his lips around one of my nipples I felt like I had gone to heaven. As he laid kisses all along my chest I couldn’t help but try to grind my hips up into him, however I couldn’t from the position I was in.

I was tired of not being able to touch Spencer in the way I wanted, I wanted to give him some pleasure too. I pulled his mouth off of me momentarily so I could push him down to sit on the couch to be able to straddle him properly. He had whined a bit in protest at first, but when my legs that were now stripped of their clothing slung over his lap his complaint died in his throat.

My core rested right over the prominent bulge in his slacks now. I smirked cheekily a little bit before grinding down onto him.

His lips captured my nipple again, this time the one that had been slightly neglected. This time he also decided to bite his teeth down slightly and nibble a little.

“Harder, please!” I gasped as I continued to rock my hips over his clothed cock. He thankfully obliged me by taking my perked nipple and slightly sawed it back and forth between his teeth. The pleasure that came through me from his actions far outweighed the pain, the moan that came falling from my lips was a sign of that.

A squeak then fell from my lips as I was suddenly lifted up and then set on my back. I guess he had gotten impatient from my teasing.

“You’re needy.” I commented with a smirk. He had been unbuttoning his pants when I spoke, but paused when the words came out of my mouth. He then pinned my hands above my head with one of his own and dipped the other between my folds.

“Who’s really the needy one here?” I definitely liked the little taste I was getting of this side of Spencer, that was firmly evident by the amount of slickness was evident on his fingers when he brought them up to my mouth. I wrapped my lips around his fingers eagerly before he could pull them away bobbing my head as much as I could in my constricted position pinned underneath him.

“Fuck-“ He swore which was another normally uncharacteristic thing for Spencer, it spoke to his own neediness. Though I could not make a remark about it as his fingers were still far down my throat.

When he removed his fingers he also lessened his grip on my hands that had been pinned. I wiggled out of his grip to help him get his slacks out of the way. I didn’t care if I was needy as he had said, I was tired of the teasing and my arousal was so prominent I could feel it dripping down my thighs.

He didn’t need any preparation either, his erection looking almost a little painful. ThoughI was more caught up with observing how beautiful he looked- which wouldn’t normally be the adjective someone would use, but it perfectly described Spencer’s cock.

He filled me slowly, letting me feel every vein and letting himself feel every ridge. After he filled me all the way to the hilt he stopped for a moment, just to relish in the feeling of being impatient. I however was too impatient.

“Please move, Spencerrrr…”

“And you say you’re not the needy one…” He commented with another smirk that was now becoming a staple on his face, I never wanted it to leave. I moved my own hips, squirming underneath him to try to coax him into moving.

When he finally obliged me by snapping his hips quickly up into me I couldn’t help but involuntarily make a desperate moan.

It wasn’t long until he had created a steady rhythm along with me. The pace we had set wasn’t rushed, but was still desperate in a way. His thrusts were deep and quick, but he always paused a minute moment at the end of each thrust to appreciate me fully.

Our hands couldn’t stop exploring each other while he kept up our pace. From the amount of time Spencer was lingering to play with my boobs you’d think he was obsessed, maybe he was just a little. He also made sure to pepper kisses all along my neck, jaw, and face. He even made an effort to kiss the tip of my nose, making everything much more sweet.

I however had decided to rest my hands on his hips and ass, sometimes pushing him forward slightly when I felt our pace faltering slightly. When he started to pick up the pace I could feel my pleasure starting to come to its peak. I was going to fall over the edge soon and fast.

“I’m gonna cum!” I gasped, almost so whispley that it was barely sensical. Spencer was able to still understand my words, pitching his hips to hit at my sweet spot more intensely. Then he moved his dexterous fingers down across my boobs pinching my nipple on last time before he spoke,

“Go ahead, I want you to cum for me.”

My hands wound their way into his hair trying to grasp onto something as my orgasm washed over me in waves of pleasure. Spencer too wasn't too far behind, his own triggered as my walls clamped down tightly around him. We rode out our highs together, our heavy breaths mingling in harmony as we started to come down.

Spencer’s gaze was still heavily fixated on my body as we both caught our breath again. His eyes were glanced down at my naked chest, pupils still wide with wonder as he got to fully take in the sight without being clouded by lust. I couldn’t help but want to tease him a little.

“Hey, my eyes are up here, mister.” I said cheekily, though I could tell that he had definitely missed my joke by the look on his face.

“Sorry!” His little squeak was adorable and he started to move his way off of me with averted eyes until I stopped him.

“Spencer- I was joking.” The smile that was prominent on my face then morphed into a coy look. I moved my hands down to cup my own boobs before continuing while I pinched my nipples like he had done, “You’ve got permission to look anytime you want.”

His shoulders slumped a little as they always did when he was relieved, I was happy to see his own smile back matching mine.

We had no desire to move from our position, at least for a little while until I had to get up to clean myself. But, I was content to bask in bliss with Spencer for a while.

He brought me out of my thoughts by booping the tip of my nose with his pointer finger, my nose scrunching up a little in response. I giggled a little bit, moving my own pointer finger up to boop his own cute little button nose.

“Maybe you’d also look good with a nose ring.” He snorted loudly into my ear, making another fit of giggles erupt from me. At least this time my joke was caught by Spencer.

“Maybe so, but no. I’d like it better on you anyway.” His goofy little smile brought me such joy. In hindsight I should have never worried about Spencer loving my piercings, he’d think I was beautiful no matter what iteration I was. The little kiss he left on my nose was a testament to that.

—-

Tag list (message me if you want to be added):

All works:

@shotarosleftpinky @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar @s1utformgg

Spencer Reid/CM

@calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss @slutforthegubes

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds #1250 follower celebration #1250 followers #criminal minds smut #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler smut #mgg #mgg x reader #mgg smut

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bookofmirth · 3 years

Note

I saw your recent response to an anon where you mentioned the drama that occurred the other day based around bookprofessor’s post. Obviously you don’t have to respond to this or publish it if you do not wish but I just wanted to bring up that while it is important to focus on the real life issues at hand, the OP was hypocritical in her post which is why people were getting upset. She was preaching against ableism while simultaneously flaunting her IQ and degree which is a form of ableism. She was speaking out against racism while ending her post using the racial slur “cracker” when talking about the possibly Caucasian Twitter elriels.

Obviously she had some important points but it was completely overshadowed by her participation in the hate speech and prejudice that she was speaking out against.

This does not in any way justify the nasty messages she received but on the same hand, I do not blame anyone that called her out for her hypocrisy. I hope you can understand why her post was so negatively received and how flawed it was. My hope is that one day everyone can just ignore the negativity, report those who are being racist/prejudiced in any way, and block those who are just being loud and who you don’t wish to see content from. But unfortunately I do not see that happening any time soon.

There are a few things I want to address in this because I think it's a good moment for the fandom to step back and reflect on how we treat one another, how we react to such issues, and how we behave moving forward.

First off, thanks for explaining your point of view without being antagonistic. I do think that everyone's emotional reactions to the post were valid. I do NOT think their responses, in terms of words and actions, were valid. Now before I move forward, I want to clarify that when I use the word "you", I am referring to anyone who may have had the response I am describing - not you personally, anon. Also please don’t freak out about how long this is, as a majority of it is a response to the fandom in general, not you in particular.

What was - and wasn’t - said in the original post

In this post, there were completely valid criticisms of the way that people in this fandom behave, and it wasn’t “generalizing” a certain group, it was literal, actual proof of things that had been said, by multiple people. I’m not going to get too into what Alyssa argued because her critiques of those tweets was flawless. The original post had very valid criticisms of what was happening on Twitter. Alyssa exposed the actually racist, homophobic, and imperialistic underpinnings of those tweets.

However, a lot of people are stuck on the bits before and after those critiques. @bookprofessor apologized for different aspects of her post in a few different asks. There were perhaps better ways that some of those things could have been phrased, some things that could have been left out. And she apologized. People can accept that apology or not but we can’t act like it didn’t happen. Like she didn’t reflect and learn to do better.

However, the people she was calling out have not done the same thing, and if anything, comments that focus more on Alyssa’s tone than why she wrote the post in the first place lets those people off the hook.

On cracker - Using the word "cracker" is not racist in the same way that using racial slurs against POC is. Is it prejudiced? Yes. But you cannot say that it is the same thing when that is demonstrably untrue, given centuries of oppressive history. No one has been oppressed for being white. Those are not the same. Reverse racism is not a thing because a white person punching down on POC is NOT AT ALL the same thing as a POC punching up at white people. The actions look the same, but the impact is so unequal it’s not even funny.

Racism is a systemic, institutionalized problem. It is not defined by individual actions, though those actions can either support or challenge racism. When someone calls a white person a cracker, there isn’t centuries of oppression giving power to and reinforcing that statement. That is not a “gotcha” moment.

Saying “I have x IQ” or “I have X degrees” is not ableist. I’m sorry to whoever told you it was ableist (again, not you specifically anon but people who had read the “aw shucks guys” vagueblogs about it), but it’s not. Those are facts. I have no idea what my IQ is, but I have five degrees from institutions of higher education. Me saying that is in no way ableist.

Often, people mention those things to be elitist, yes. Sometimes, they can be used to say “hey I know more about this than you”. They can be used in a way that tries to make themselves feel superior. I suspect that this is the impression that a lot of people got of the post. However, there is a fine line between saying “hey that’s elitist” and professing anti intellectualism. Which is perhaps a side issue so I’ll let that go for now.

Another reason that people mention their degrees or qualifications is to establish their background knowledge and credibility. If I were to say “hey y’all I have two MA degrees” (which is true) I am not being ableist! It is a fact! It is factual! And I worked my ass off for those, I will be in student loan debt until I die for those, I have every right to mention them if I want to, and often I do so in order to establish my credibility, to explain the position I am coming from. And my prior knowledge of these topics is relevant when we are talking about literature since that’s what my degrees were on - literature and linguistics. That is why Alyssa mentioned her background, though she did pair it with comments about other people, for which she has apologized.

My final point about this is that I 1000% understand feeling insecure or less than because of educational attainment. I dropped out of high school. I had a complex about that for a long, long time. But I also know that if I took offense at someone else saying they had a PhD, then that offense is about me, not them. Someone else’s inferiority complex is not reason for people to pretend to be less than they are.

If those two comments are what overshadowed the bigger, more important issue for a lot of the readers of that post, then y’all allowed them to overshadow those more important issues. I am 99% sure that someone right now is reading this and thinking “but Leslie, it was the way that she said it!” Boy have I got some news for you!

How we react

This next section is not specific to this ask; instead, it is a discussion of how the fandom responded. If it were only one person who had said “but her tone” then I wouldn’t need to make this point. The fact that multiple people are exhibiting the behavior explained below is what makes this a cultural problem within the acotar fandom.

The main argument I saw on the post itself, and indeed any time I see people bring up how nasty Twitter can be, is that “it was a joke” and “that’s how stan Twitter works”.

No.

Those responses were quite useful for this post, though! So buckle up everyone, because I am going to talk about gaslighting, racism, respectability politics, and tone policing. While I understand that some people might have taken personal offense to what was said, there is a much bigger issue at stake that has nothing to do with individual feelings, and everything to do with ensuring that POC stay silenced and white supremacy is upheld.

Back to the “but it’s a joke” thing. Thanks for gaslighting! Great example of that, person I’m not going to tag! Gaslighting is when you make someone question their experiences, when you try to make them think “wait, did I really feel that way? Is my feeling about that valid? Do I need to re-evaluate my response to this?? Am I blowing this out of proportion???” And saying “it’s just a joke” is a perfect way to do that. Did I say something accidentally sexist? It’s just a joke, nbd! Now you’re the problem, because you didn’t understand my joke and laugh!!!

Saying “it’s a joke” or “oh they are old/young/ignorant, they will learn” is not a good response to... anything. It takes the responsibility off the people who are doing the harm, and putting it onto the people who were hurt. And in this case, anyone who read those tweets and found them harmful (which should be everyone?) is completely valid. You aren’t lesser for being angry or emotional or for seeing a problem where other people saw a joke. The people who see those things as acceptable jokes are the ones in the wrong.

This is a tactic that is used against women all the time. Any time a woman is sexually harassed at work or online, for example, and she gets upset about it, and someone chimes in with “oh they weren’t serious, can’t you take a joke?” So you can imagine what this is like for women of color.

It is a very, very common tactic for people of color to be silenced via tone policing and respectability politics. Tone policing and respectability politics are very closely related, especially in this context. The idea is that if Alyssa had just written that post in just the right way, it would have been more palatable to white people, and therefore okay to write. The idea that if she had tried to be “understanding” or “see it from their perspective” or understand that it’s “just a joke” are all ways to silence and de-legitimize any accurate, valid criticisms that were made of those tweets. It effectively re-routes the conversation away from the real issues, and to the person trying to bring them up. It’s essentially an ad hominem attack in disguise.

We see respectability politics in media when people of color who act or dress or speak like white people are afforded more respect. Or any time that a person of color is pulled over and people say, “well if they had just done what the police officer asked...” There is a pervasive idea that if people just “act” properly, aka if you act white, then the police won’t feel antagonized and try to kill arrest you. If we are nice enough, meek enough, smile enough, etc. then we will be accepted.

When we tone police, we refuse to allow marginalized people the right to be angry. We say that "hey, we can only have this discussion if you leave emotion, which you rightfully feel, at the door, and we can only continue this discussion if you behave in a way that makes me feel comfortable." But guess what? It isn’t about you! These discussions are often highly uncomfortable. There is no nice way to tell someone they are being racist. And yet somehow, that is the ever-moving goalpost. It seems reasonable, right? “Just be civil, be nice, don’t insult each other!” And there is that. But those criteria change constantly, to the point where anyone (white) at any time can say “WHOA WHOA THIS IS MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE???” Then we find ourselves at zero, and suddenly the focus of attention has shifted away from the actual problem.

Before we go further, I want to say this: people have a right to be angry. They do not need to make their anger palatable or tasteful for the consumption of others (read: white people).

We saw this last summer, and I’m not sure how the message didn’t get across. But people are rightfully angry about racism. They are angry about the murder of people of color by police, they are angry about lack of quality education, or clean water, of centuries of oppression that have led to this very moment when all of that ceases to matter because a white woman’s feelings got hurt one time.

And that is what pisses me off so much. There is no way in this world that we could criticize tweets like those that everyone would agree with, and that everyone would “approve” of, that would be “nice” enough and yet still be impactful and make the authors of those tweets understand the gravity of what they have done.

The least we can do is allow one another to express our anger, our outrage, because it’s highly likely that those people know exactly what the fuck they are doing, and they do not fucking care. By criticizing a woman of color for the way in which she chose to engage with this topic, we are avoiding the issue and letting the people in those tweets off the hook.

There were many responses to that post that were positive, that agreed with Alyssa. There are a ton of people who disagree with those tweets, who find them disgusting, who understand exactly how and why they are problematic. That should be what we are talking about. Getting to the core of the argument, on that post or any about racism or other problematic behavior in fandom, requires getting past our own egos. It requires us to be able to step back, say “hm this thing is frustrating but there is a bigger picture here”. It’s not easy, and I recognize that.

The fact that it is a common tactic though? To say “hey this hurt me personally and so I’m going to ignore any valid points you made?” That feeds directly into centuries of white supremacy because it, once again, silences POC and makes them try to play a losing game. And they will always lose, because no matter how hard they try to play the white game, the goalposts are constantly shifting. So you know what? Fuck the game, and fuck respectability politics, and fuck tone policing and “uwu be nice guys” because when it comes to things like racism and sexism, I don’t expect the people who deserve to be criticized to be nice. In fact, trying to be nice only serves to fuck POC over in the end.

Indeed, in response to that post, certain blogs have taken the opportunity to position themselves as “the nice ones” or “the ones who would never” or “uwu let’s be nice guys” while completely ignoring the fact that a woman of color was attacked for calling out racism. And yes - that was the point of her post. People getting hung up on mentions of her degree are (intentionally or not, it doesn’t matter) completely obfuscating the fact that that is not what her post was about, which was to call out disgusting behavior. idk how many words the post actually was, but essentially, people are focusing on 5% of it to the detriment of the 95% that was actually really important shit. These types of vagueblog posts about the issue fall into exactly what I am talking about - these are people who have decided to look at this issue, see how Alyssa (and anyone else who dares speak up) has approached it, and intentionally try to act like they are “better” because they can be “rational” and “kind”. Newsflash, if you don’t have something to be angry about, then being “nice” about racism isn’t that much of a flex. If it didn’t bother you, then congratulations. That doesn’t make you better than people it did bother. You just got lucky this time, and decided to use that to your advantage to look like the good guy.

I am not saying that all calls for peace are doing this. Obviously it’s what we all want. This is the worst I have seen this fandom in the 4+ years I’ve been here. But we cannot have that by ignoring the real problems and pretending that if we are all just nice to each other, then we will solve racism and sexism and all bullying in the fandom will stop.

So combining all of this - the gaslighting, the tone policing, and what do you get? You get a fandom that refuses to actually engage critically with its own problems and take accountability for them. You get a fandom that decides that it’s easier to be distracted by this one mean comment over here than it is to engage in the fact that you know what, the culture in this fandom has actually turned incredibly disgusting and a lot of people are just okay with it. You’ve got a fandom that is using the tools of white supremacy to avoid the discussions that should actually be taking place. Maybe people don’t realize that that’s what they are doing. But if someone still thinks that after reading this post, then godspeed my friend, I hope you enjoy Twitter.

Okay so my last thing I want to say is that I didn’t come to all of this knowledge fresh from the womb. I do a lot of work, in my personal life and my professional life, to be better. So here is a list of books that I have found particularly helpful:

How to Be An Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

Stamped From the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America also by Ibram X. Kendi

White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo (side note, I was kinda meh about this one but the chapter “White Women’s Tears” is particularly helpful)

So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment by Patricia Hill Collins

I’m not going to talk specifically about Alyssa’s post anymore, but if anyone wants to continue talking about these broader issues going on in the fandom, I am game. (I really should be grading papers though, so it might take a bit.)

#cw racism #acotar #acosf #acotar fandom #fandom wank #fandom things #this is the long post i mentioned earlier #i will link it in my meta post

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echos-newlegs · 3 years

Note

Hello again! I'm here to fullfill my promise of asking for a Rex one based on your prompt list, especially excited after the beautiful work you did with the Tech one <3 So how about 46 for our Captain? I had thought of a Jedi!Reader situation, bit it's up to you really, just have fun!!

Double Trouble

Ahh thank you, I'm always open for writing for my boy Rex 🥺 send as many asks as you want m'dudes 😌💕 but thank you sm, that means a lot tbh!

Rex x Jedi!Reader: "Isn't it illegal?" "I mean, probably?"

Warnings: slight angst? No established relationship. Y’all just like each other. Anakin teasing you and Rex.

Word count: 1.9k

“You’ll never get what you want from us.” Rex spat as you stood in the corner of the room, strapped up to a machine. Grievous only laughed at that. His gravely, robotic voice echoing threw your ears. It annoyed you more than anything. How he seemed to think he could get the whereabouts of your base from you and the captain. “Oh, I don’t expect them to crack, clone.” He mocked. Leaning into Rex’s space. The Captain keeping his ground. “Why do you expect I would?” He snapped, and that made him laugh again.

He only tittered as he walked between the two of you. “It doesn’t take a Jedi to sense a connection between the two of you. I saw the way you tried to save the General over here.” He mused with a sigh. “It’s orders, to save the Jedi.” Grievous shook his head, hands resting behind his back. “No, not like this. General Tano got hurt and you cared, but not like when they get hurt. What are they to you? Do you really think a Jedi could love a clone like you?” He taunted, Rex darting his eyes down.

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. A habit you often found yourself doing due from hanging around the 104th most days. “You’re wasting time, Rex and I are merely friends, I’m not even his General. I serve another Battalion under the watch of General Plo, you’d think after all our encounters you’d know this, droid.” You drew out the last name with a smirk. Though that smirk quickly faded when you felt your body begin to tingle. A surge of electricity shooting through you that had your fists and jaw clenching. Eyes shooting open and then closed as you arched your back with a shriek.

“Stop it you’re hurting her!” Rex screamed as he fought against his restraints to get to you. Grievous was right, Rex felt attached to you. You could even say he loved you, but he would never admit to it. He only hid back the feelings— Which seemed to only make them worse.

Grievous hummed in amusement. Stopping the shock. Watching as your body went limp. “Your attitude never seems to change, General. You hang around Skywalker too much.” He wasn’t wrong, between hanging around Skywalker and Wolffe your attitude was horrendous. “You say that each time we meet.” You scoffed, shooting a glare up to the general.

“Now, if you want your Jedi to live, you’ll tell me where the base is.” You didn’t want Rex to tell, but you knew he would crack at this rate. Not only the stress of the war was on his shoulders, but you could sense how he felt about you. You were quite fond of it, until now. Realizing it was a weakness on both ends. Rex was a good friend of yours, and you admired everything about him, but this? This worried you, if maybe you should have distanced yourself like your consciousness told you to a month ago.

“I won’t,” Rex said, after catching your look of worry. “Not to Seppie Scum like you,” He spat. You gave him a small, worrisome smile as he gave you an apologetic look. ‘It’s okay,’ You mouthed to the Captain as another surge shot threw your system. Voice straining as you screamed. You could feel the tremors run in and out of your body. Gasping for air as you fought to keep your body functioning. Then it all went dark.

Rex panicked when you went limp. His eyes shooting wide. Tugging at the restraints as he let out a choked cry. “General!” He exclaimed, and Grievous let out a cackle. “How interesting, A clone and a Jedi.” He scoffed. Leaning close to Rex. “I would have never guessed.”

When you woke up you were on the cold floor. Body sore and stiff. Your throat felt like it was in flames. Rex holding you in his arms. Noticing this as your vision cleared. “Am I dead?” You spoke hoarsely, with a crooked smile. Rex smiled softly, glad to see you still had your sense of humor. “Thankfully, no,” You sighed, which hurt even more than breathing. “Did he get anything from you?” He shook his head ‘no.’ You nodded, moving to sit up. The captain helps you up to lean against him and the wall. “Do you think anyone’s looking for us?” You asked, and Rex nodded. “For you? I’m sure Plo and Anakin have everyone searching far and wide.” He added as you lean your head against his shoulder.

He smiled faintly, your hair tickling his neck a bit, though he kept his hands to himself. He had to remind himself as you dozed off again that you were doing this because you were hurt. You wouldn’t lean on him any other time. This meant nothing.

Rex was right. The moment that General Plo got word that your mission with the 501st went south he and Anakin were racing to make a plan— a semi chaotic one. With an equal amount of quick decisions and thorough thinking between the two. You were like Anakin's little sibling, he wasn’t about to let you spend any more time with the Seps than you had to.

When you woke up again you were being nudged awake by Rex. Sirens were blaring and droids were running too and fro. “General, I believe our rescue is here.” Rex spoke. That got you smiling. Helping yourself off the floor as he pulled you up. “How are we getting out?” You asked, but it seemed the moment you did a droid was approaching your cell. “You’re being transferred, both of you.” The news made the two of you give each other a glance. Almost as if the undiscussed plan was working itself out in front of you. “Is that so?” Rex asked as the door opened and the droid approached you both with restraints. Once close enough Rex took the opportunity to attack.

Once the droid was practically dismembered and the Captain now held his blaster. It gave you the opportunity to realize you had no saber, or cloaks, and Rex was stripped of his armor and weapons. Left in only his boots and blacks. “What’s the plan, General?” He asked, and you groaned as you stretched. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’d like my lightsaber back.” He smiled at that, “I think I know where they stored them, too.”

The two of you take off down the hallway as quick as you can manage. You attempt to fight the pains shooting up your leg as you clung to the captain for dear life. His hand rubbing your side here and there. Though you thought nothing of it.

“There,” he stated.

He pointed over to a doorway a droid just exited. “They stopped us here, took our weapons and armor and took them through there.” He nearly whispered in your ear.

You pondered, thinking of what you could do. Until you got an idea. “Let’s go over there, then.” You spoke. Watching as he furrowed his brows at you. “General,” “that’s an order.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. Helping you over to the doorway.

You hacked into the system. Opening it with a breeze. Something Anakin taught you along the way. The two of you squeezing into the storage room. Spotting your lightsaber in almost an instant. “We need to be quick, Captain.” You informed him as you lean against the wall. Hooking your holster to your hips. Pulling on your robes and some of your other items that were taken.

You looked over, watching as Rex made quick work of his armor. Your eyes dragging over his form a bit too long. “General, everything alright?” You thought he was oblivious to your actions. Until you saw him nervously rub the back of his neck. You couldn’t see the blush that his tan skin hid, but you could feel it. He was nervous in a sense, and you thought it was adorable.

You smiled, shaking your head. “All is good, now let’s get out of here.”

He nodded at your comment. Holding his blaster with one hand, and you with the other. “Captain,” you spoke, and he looked over to you. Watching you as your eyes scanned the room. “How much do you trust me?” You asked, holding up some detonators.

His eyes fell onto them. Lips turning up into a smirk. “With my life,” “good.” You spoke. Looking from his eyes to his lips. The two of you share a lingering stare.

“You guys are painful to watch, just kiss already.” A familiar voice speaking from in front of the two of you. “Miss me?” Anakin spoke as you and Rex caught his form. “Not one bit,” you quipped. Making Rex have to bite the inside of his cheek to hide a chuckle. “I know you did. Don’t lie, now, whatcha doing with those detonators?” He asked, and you smirked. Holding one between your fingers. “Blowing this bad boy up, of course.” “You got my attention.”

Anakin knew you wanted to blow something up. You and Hardcase were known for having that destructive personality. Rex honestly loved how you seemed to bond with each one of his brothers in some way or another. They all loved how for a Jedi, you were nothing like one. You were different, in big ways and they loved it.

Anakin ordered Rex to take you back to the rescue ship anyways with your condition. They needed to run once the detonators were set, and well— you weren’t in any condition to be running. You understood though.

You watched from the cockpit once Anakin returned as the ship blew. Grievous had escaped, as per usual. But you destroyed one more of his ships, successfully. “He’s gotta hate you by now.” Anakin commented, and you snickered. Still using Rex to lean on. “Isn’t it illegal?” He asked, and you looked up to him. Watching as his eyes fell to yours. His lips so close to your own. “How many ships of his you’ve destroyed.” He joked, his voice lowering a bit. You smirked, shrugging. “I mean, probably? But since he’s a Sep it doesn’t count. Double negative, that’s how it works, right?” Rex snorted, rolling his eyes. His hand absentmindedly snaking around your waist. “Sure.”

You were on cloud nine. The affection was euphoric, but leave it to Anakin to ruin a moment. “So what’s going on here?” He asked, and Rex looked at him with a shocked expression. As if he forgot he was there. Removing his arm from you as you pushed back from him a bit. “What do you mean?” Rex asked, and you played with the end of your sleeves. “I don’t have to be a Jedi to sense the tension between you two, are you..” he trailed off. Looking back and forth between the two of you. “Screw—“ Rex nearly choked and your face heated up to a max. Both your eyes going wide. “What? No! No, Makers no—“ you corrected, but that wasn’t enough for him.

“Then Rex, buddy, you need to do something and make a move. Y/n won’t, and I won’t tell anyone.” Walking past the Captain, patting his shoulder. “You’d make a cute couple, I could see it now.” You were going to kill Anakin when the ship landed, it was final.

#captain rex x reader #commander rex #rex x reader #captain rex #rex #star wars #star wars writing #the clone wars #star wars the clone wars #clone trooper x reader

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stephmariie · 3 years

Text

The Undead Rising.

Request: Y/N and your people go on a supply run, as Negan and his people show up to the same place. Negan had no other choice but to accept your offer being out run by your bigger community with larger equipment. As Negan and Y/N bump heads showing who has the biggest balls here and a badass attitude, Negan is more impressed by how brave and clever Y/N is.

Requested by: @purple-serenity

Pairing: Negan x Y/N

A/N: this is not a one shot.

Warnings: strong language

“This is the location, we haven’t been here yet and we need to check it out and see what we can find.” You point on the map showing the crew in your office.

“And if we don’t find anything?” David asked.

“Here is another location.” You point to a new spot on the map as you circled it with a red sharpie. “We haven’t been here yet. But we need to make sure the other place has what we need before we go to the next one.” You said

“Anyone have any questions?” You asked everyone in the room.

“When are we going?” Sarah asked quietly, she’s the shy one, as her face turns red she hated speaking in front of everyone.

“Good question, we could leave tonight. But I rather everyone sleep well tonight and we can go first thing in the morning. I’d like for my people well rested before we go on a big supply run.” You said.

You hated over working your people, you always do your best to make sure they’re well rested before a big event happens.

“Alright everyone let’s get some sleep since we have a big day tomorrow, I’d like everyone ready by 7:00 am tomorrow. Also before you leave here, Candace here has a list of everything we need for tomorrow. Run by her on things you need and be ready with it tomorrow morning. Goodnight everyone.” You said as folding up the map and putting all your paperwork together.

“Hey Y/N before you leave.” David said as he opened up the door and Sarah came back in with a cake and some lit candles.

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to Y/N! Happy fucking birthday to you!!!! Everyone shouted

“Now make a wish as Sarah placed the cake down on the table in your office. You start to cry and couldn’t gather your words. “Guys..d-did you seriously do this for me? Wait how did y’all know it was my fucking birthday!” You said with tears and a smile.

“How could we forget your birthday we been marking it on the calendar everyday.” David said

“With everything you do for us, you’re one of the rarest leaders who just.. you know treat us well, you gave us a chance to rebuild a life again.. you bring us hope.” Sarah said

“And a hot as bitch!” Candace said as everyone in the room started to laugh.

You chuckled and made a wish and blew out your candles. “Your guys are the greatest get your asses over here!” As you held out your arms and everyone ran to tackle you.

Sarah cut the cake giving everyone a piece, you guys laughed and joked for a good thirty minutes before it was time for everyone to leave. Sarah was nice enough to clean up the office so you didn’t have to do it. You smiled looking around the room before turning the lights off and closing the door behind you to go too your house to sleep.

******

It was the next morning and you were gathering everything before you had to leave for the run. As you walk outside your crew was ready to go by the gate.

“Well shit look at all you sexy bitches, hot and READY! Me likely!” You said as you gave them all a sassy wink.

Everyone laughed, you always know how to start the morning by getting everyone to laugh. They always look forward to every trip with you. Makes things easier knowing your group loves hanging out with you.

“Well Goodmorning fuckers! Let’s get our asses on the motherfuckin road! Or are we just gonna stand around and be zombies all day?” You said with your arms spread out smiling walking backwards towards the gate.

“Zombies? sounds pretty nice if you ask me?”David said as you look at him with a smile

“Yeah yeah it would be nice, maybe after this trip we can relax and be zombies for a bit.” You chuckled knowing they will need a full day of rest after this trip. Specially you.

“Hey everyone you know I always do this but it’s a reminder. You all know the drill. We run our routes. Mark your log books. Clear any walkers you see. You run into anything, anything you can't handle, you come back here. Be smart about it. We work as a team okay? You said as everyone nodded.

*********

It’s been about 2 hours on the road as you guys finally rolled up to the place. It was an army base. You take out your radio. “Hey Sarah we have some walkers up ahead it seems like this place has some scattered around. Let’s stop here.” You said as you told David to stop the jeep. “You got it boss lady.” Sarah said over the radio.

You get out of the jeep as everyone else got out of their vehicle and walked over to you.

“You guys know the drill let’s clear the outside first before we go in.” You said as everyone nodded.

You started to ran and slammed your knife in the back of a walkers head, you’re always the first one to take action, it’s your favorite thing. Well taking action first that is not the killing part. You’re slamming all the walkers down there was a good amount here, this kind of thing always got your heart pumping of excitement.

You stabbed another walker through the head and you pulled the knife out and it broke.

“Oh you son of a bitch! Are you shittin me right now!” You said in an anger voice, wiping your sweat off your forehead with your arm as you were trying to pull another knife out of your side pants, a few walkers started to get real close to you, you were walking backwards and tripped over a dead walker landing on your back. You were using your elbows pulling yourself backwards to get away as you heard gunshots from a distance taking out the last few of the walkers around.

You seen a group standing with guns and a tall man with a barb wired bat around his shoulder. He wore black boots with dark gray pants, one glove on his right hand and a fucking leather jacket in 90 degree weather. How in the hell was he not sweating balls here. Is he fucking insane?

The tall man with the bat started to walk towards you along with his group behind him, as you helped yourself up and your group came up behind you with their guns. You put your hands on your hips.

“Hi pretty lady, I’m Negan.” He smiled As he held up both his arms out with Lucille in his right hand. “And we’re the saviors.” He did a slight point towards you.

“Hi.” You said crossing your arms. Lifting one eyebrow.

“Well damn excuse my goddamn French but I just saved your fucking ass and that’s all the response I get?” He said with a smile.

You rolled your eyes. “Sorry didn’t mean to offend you Mr… Negan right?” You said in a sassy tone that made him smirk a little.

“That’s right doll face, may I ask what you’re doing out here? At our base.” He asked leaning to the side moving his eye up and down at you, he was indeed checking you out.

“I could ask you the same thing Mr…. Negan.” Giving him a slight smirk. “In fact how could this be YOUR place when we just cleared the outside and none of your people are here guarding it. And… I don’t see your name on it.” You said giving him a tease with another smirk.

“You see this shit! this is what I’m talking about! Ahh this is the shit that just tickles me balls!” As he turned around looking at his men with his arms up. He turned side ways to look at you with a smirk. “You may not know me sweetheart, but you’re definitely gonna wish you haven’t.”

“Hmm, funny you say that because I feel you’re gonna regret crossing me pretty soon.” You snapping back.

“Yeah, we will see about that.” He whispered where you didn’t hear him.

“You see here, there’s this new world order and well dollface I hate to break it to you but you’re now apart of it. So let me break it down simple and easy for you. One..” as he held up his index finger, smirking away. “You work for me. We have the whole set up, beds, food you name it, I have the whole package sweetheart! So all you have to do is work for me. Or two.” He flipped up his middle finger too. “I kill you and your fucking people now! I take your shit, and be on my merry fucking way. Well I don’t like hurting women, so suggest you pick one. But men? Hell doll face I could bash their brains all fucking day! He sighs shaking his head as he grinned. “…..Women are just to fucking beautiful to kill.. so sweetheart. What’s it gonna be..?” Holding up his arms again with his bat in the air.

Your arms are still crossed and your smile that never left your face

“Neither.” You said with no hesitation.

“I’m sorry doll face I didn’t quite catch that.” He started to look angry.

“Mr. Negan let me be clear here, I’ll make it simple and easy.” As you leaned forward “just for you.” Still having a smile on your face with your arms crossed.

“Your rules are shit, and no I don’t do new world orders very well, you see here Mr. Negan. I will take your shit and be glad to shove it up your ass.” You let out a small laugh and you see Negan’s people gripping their guns about to point them to you and your people.

“Ohh sweetheart, you have no… idea who you’re talking to.” Negan now looks more angry.

“Oh I do doll face, and let’s be real here.” You sigh turning your head looking at the army base. “This is mine, and mine only.”

You couldn’t help but stare at his eyes, he had the most beautiful eyes you ever seen, hazel.. oh those hazel eye that could kill you.. when he smiled it just lit up his face along with his dimples. His smile curved so perfectly making his dimples pop out more. Making your heart race faster. His anger made you like him more. His attitude was turning you on.

“Well excuse me sweetheart.. I didn’t know this belong to you, there’s rules here in fact whatever is yours. Is now mine. Rather you it or not.” They He said with more intense voice

You couldn’t help but chuckle at his response. “I never nor will I ever agree to anyone’s rules in fact I dont follow other people’s rules very well.”

Behind you, you could hear more vehicles rolling up. If was more of your people. David must of gave a code over the radio signaling we need help. David is basically your right hand man. One of the most clever guys on your team. He goes with you everywhere.

You turn your head to see behind you and you seen more of your community there with you. In that moment you had more people protecting your crew. More people than Negan brought along. You had more weapons, bigger guns and even a few tankers.

Negan’s eyes had widen, in shocked to see the shit you had. It was more than what he even had at his sanctuary.

“Welcome to the rising undead.” Holding out your hands your elbows were still to you sides. You gave a smirk and shot a wink towards his way.

“Now there’s no rules here Mr. Negan.” You started to walk towards him placing your knife back down on the side of you pants. “But we can try and agree on something here if you are okay with that.” You stopped about 10 feet in front of him. You watch his eyebrow raise making you smile a little.

You seen Negan look passed you at your large group. You were proud of your people in the moment showing up the way they did, how David sent a signal out. You had a huge community that you loved. You took care of. They respected you. You keep them safe and they keep you safe at all cost. Mostly everyone called you mom even for laughs and giggles. But deep down you acted like a mother when they needed you to the most. They love you as much as you love them. And for that, in this moment you couldn’t help but smile hearing more vehicles roll up in front of you. Behind Negan’s group, vehicles driving through the field to your right, an open field. It was huge. You watched Negan’s face as you hear all the vehicle doors open and slam shut. Negan in that moment all he could do was agree, he was out run by your people.

He started to look around as he giggled. He was facing the field and slightly turned his head towards you with a smile, like he was proud of your ass. Probably shocked seeing a woman like you that ran an community the way you do.

“Shit doll face, I guess I no longer have a choice here do I?” He ask turning his body towards you still having a smile on his face.

You couldn’t help but smile at his response, his smile was making you weak. Fuck, you needed to slap yourself in the face to knock it off. And get your shit together.

“Sorry my love I don’t think you do.” You said crossing your arms over your chest.

“There’s another army base that’s untouched, I’m willing to give that to you if you let us have this one. But… there’s a catch.” You said

“And what is that doll face?” Negan asked.

“I’ll let you have it, you let us help you clear some bigger place out for you, since we indeed have the bigger guns here. So in return we get some supplies. You know like a payment.” You said

Negan gave you smile, he seemed like he was trying to figure out what to say. Lost in words. Realized how clever you were.

“So Mr. Negan, what’s it gonna be?”

He took a few seconds to reply. “Alright. So how can we find them?” He raised an eyebrow with a smile on his face.

You started to walk towards him teasingly, looking into his eyes with a mischievous smile. You stopped in front of him standing very close. Finally breaking the eye contact, you put your hand on his shoulder and tiptoed to whisper in his ear.

“I’ll see you soon, big boy.” You say before planting a small but lingering kiss on his cheek. You pull away and see his smile grew wider deepening his dimples.

“I am about fifty percent more into you now...just sayin'.” Negan said grinning from that kiss

“An I’m about zero percent into now.” You said smirking, you slowly move your hand down off his shoulder to you biceps, walking backwards letting him go staring at him like you want him so badly as he started to see that.

You reached in your back pocket and took out a map. You handed it to him, the location that was folded up, as you knew the location was already marked on the map. “It’s the location of the other army base.” You said.

You turn away swaying back to your team and gave them nod to go ahead to the army base. As you stopped in the middle of the road before you went to follow your team, you turn around to look behind you to see Negan one last time, he gave you a smile and turned around as you watched him leave.

You called Joel and Steve over to you. These two are the best you had when they needed someone to sneak around. As they never get caught doing what they do best. They been with you since day one and never left your side. And never hesitate when you ask them for help.

“I need you both to follow them, check out their community and see what they do. Please?”

They both nodded and walked away and left to follow them.

“Jesus Y/N you handle that pretty fucking well, I almost didn’t need to signal anyone out here.” David said, he let out a chuckle.

You giggled still having a smile on your face from Negan. “No no no… I’m really glad you signal out for help. That actually made us look bigger and tougher.” You placed you hand on his shoulder. “Thank you David, seriously I owe you one big time. I’m proud of you, as I always am.” You smiled as you both walked over by the fence to the army base.

You and your people cleared out the inside, there was a lot of walkers more than you imagined. But luckily No one got hurt. As everyone knew the drill to check the walkers for any items that we could use, in fact the walkers had armer, weapons, knifes and extra bullets. There was a lot of items we needed so everyone gathered the items placing them in bins to haul back to their vehicles. We placed everything by the door till we had everything we needed.

There was a storage room full of MREs packages of food that the military used for meals. There was a lot, about a month worth of food. This was big as you needed all the food you could get.

“Hey Y/N!” David called you over. As you walked over to him, you seen the next room full of vehicles.

“Holy shit David!” You yelled out.

There was a full garage of army vehicles. BAe caiman, General Dynamics Stryker, M1 Abrams. The list went on. “Fuck David we could use these!” You had a big smile on your face. You couldn’t believe everything you guys had found inside, more and bigger weapons.

David grabbed a group of people having them get the new batteries and fuel for the vehicles. Most of them worked. While another group took what they could off the bad vehicles.

Everyone gathered everything and loaded up the vehicles, you helped them out too, getting everyone to laugh by your jokes, a lot of them joked back. You always tried and make a trip fun even when everyone is tired and worn out. You knew it was going to be a long trip back as you left the MREs out and had everyone grab some food for dinner before going back on the road. We needed to eat, you could tell how they needed their energy. While you all finished eating you gathered everyone around

“I really wanted to thank every single one of you tonight, seriously. You guys did awesome. The ones that came with me today, and for those who came out when you were signal too. You guys even stayed to helped clear out the inside and helped loading our trucks up making this go by faster.” You see everyone with a smile on their faces. They were all happy to be there with you.

“I seriously couldn’t ask for a better community than this. Thank you everyone again. I dont know about you guys but I’m ready to go home and fucking sleep!!” You yelled out as everyone cheered getting in their vehicles. Before you and David got in your vehicle he wanted to talk with you.

“Hey um Joel radio me, they made it safe and haven’t gotten seen. they’re still out there and safe.” David said

You nodded as you both got in the vehicle to go home. It was a nice smooth way back as you all pulled all your vehicles in everyone was unloading their trucks. You seen Lacy one your guards on the wall. She’s one of your toughest women here, well every women here you think is tough, lacy loves to work out she’s a body builder. She could work out for hours when she doesn’t have to be on watch. Who also teaches karate here. You been trying to get her to come out with you on a supple run but she loves being the guard on watch. Which is is one of your best spotters.

“Hey lacy!” You yelled out waving your two fingers motioning her to come down.

Hey Y/N! I see you brought in some good shit this time!” She said while chuckling.

“Hey now I always get the good shit!” You chuckled back. “What can I do to get you off that wall to come out with us next time?” You smiled at her.

“Well you got me off the wall now.” Lacy chuckled. “But you know I rather stay here, I’m your best spotter and you keeping me off the wall isn’t gonna help you out you know.”

You nodded knowing she loves her job. “Maybe one day I’ll get you out.” You smiled as lacy shocked her head.

“We will see boss!” Lacy ran back up to the wall as you watched her. You really would like her out there soon. But you hated pushing people who didn’t want to do something they don’t like.

“Alright everyone let’s get some rest shall we!” You said while everyone start to head back to their homes. Everything was put away and it was quiet in your community. As you get home you sat on your porch and pulled out your cigarettes. Before you could light it.

“Hey now, I thought you quit that shit?” Sarah said with a tease.

She had the most beautiful red hair you’d ever seen, it was long and wavy that was down to almost her butt. She barely wore it down but when she did she was beautiful. She had these beautiful hazel green eyes with a tint of gray around the edges.

You chuckled “yeah I thought so too.” As you lit your cigarette handing her the pack as Sarah grabbed a cigarette and your litter and lit her cigarette.

“You were pretty awesome the way you handle Negan.” Sarah said

“Yeah, yeah I fucking was.” You both chuckled.

“Not gonna lie, Negan was… hot.” Sarah took a hit of her cigarette and held it in.

You chuckled at her comment. “I’ve seen hotter.” you actually thought he was hot as fuck but you didn’t want to say that out loud.

“Your sassy attitude today, I think you scared him.” Sarah laughed taking another hit of her cigarette.

You take hit of your cigarette as well. “I wouldn’t say me, but I think we all scared him.” You put out your cigarette and stretched out your arms and yawned.

“I think you all did awesome today. Without you guys I truly dont know how that situation would of went.” You leaned back in your chair crossing your arms.

“I think we did awesome too. Sucks we had to give that other location away. Not gonna lie. I was looking forward to that.” Sarah frowned

You sighed reaching out your hand as she placed her hand onto yours. “I wasn’t happy about it either but we were stuck in a situation and we don’t need a war. I rather keep you all safe than loose any of you over a building.” You seen a tear rolled down her face.

“Thanks Y/N you truly do know how to keep us safe.” Sarah got up from her chair and leaned in giving you a peck on the cheek. “Goodnight Y/N.” As Sarah walked away.

You watched Sarah go to her house across the street making sure she made it inside. Even though your community is supposed to be safe, it’s just something you always did and never will stop.

You get up to go inside and your radio goes off “Y/N you there?” You heard Joel whispering over the radio. “Yes Joel..” you said over the radio. “We’re safe, we got everything we needed here.” Joel said.

You sigh with relief “come on back, be safe if you run into anything. You find somewhere safe and radio me or Lacy.”

You placed the radio on your end table, switched into you pjs and hopped on your bed. Negan was running through your mind. That handsome ignorant man with his sense of humor turned you on. You rolled your eyes. “I can’t be thinking about this right now.” You mumbled to yourself and closed your eyes to sleep.

*******

It was a beautiful new day as everyone was eating their breakfast. You usually don’t eat breakfast but you always had to have coffee. That was one of your favorite things right when you wake up. You headed outside with your coffee as everyone was greeting you this morning. You smiled at everyone saying Goodmorning as you hear a knock at the front gate you turned your head fast.

Dun-dun-dun-DUN. “LITTLE PIG, LITTLE PIG, LET ME IN!” You recognized that voice as you head turned slightly.

“Oh you gotta be shittin me right now.” You mumbled to yourself.

You walked over to the gate and gave the guards a nod to open the door. You crossed your arms over your chest and had a slight smile on your face. As the door opens all the way and Negan had a smile on his face holding out his hands with his stupid bat out standing outside your community.

Everyone was trying to get up as you moved your hand behind you stopping them. You wanted them to finish eating as you could handle this situation by yourself.

“Well hello there pretty lady, you gonna let me in?” Negan said smiling putting Lucille over his shoulder.

You chuckled “now why would I go and do that? We can talk where we’re standing at.” You we’re about 20 feet away from him and the gate.

He had a huge grin on his face. “Okay what If don’t accept your offer.” As he took a few steps forward and the guards from the bottom and top of the fence pointed their guns at him.

He chuckled “you really gonna shoot me now?”

“I will if I have to.” You shot him with a smirk as you started to walk towards him. You were about 5 feet away from him.

“You know I thought we had a special moment yesterday.” He chuckled

“Ahh easy there Romeo.” You said teasingly.

“Oh where are my manners, hi Mr. Negan, now why in the hell are you here.?” As he took one more step towards you, you can hear the guns shift. He stopped himself with a smirk on his face. As you raised one eyebrow.

“I wanted to see you doll face! And your..” He started to look around in your community where he was standing. “Your Beautiful community!” You rolled your eyes at his comment.

“That’s it? Seriously?” You said in a disappointed ton.

“Oh I’m sorry sweetheart, were you wanting more? I mean shit we can go somewhere doll face if that’s what you want?” He teased.

You laughed at his response. Placing your hand on your eyebrow scratching it “okay seriously why are you here, Negan?” You acted frustrated.

“Well doll face we searched that army base you gave us and we found some good shit. But we also had found another few location and you said you’d help us out so here I am.” He smiled placing Lucille down at his side.

“You ready sweetheart?”

Great he’s ready to go when I haven’t even prepared my people yet. This will be a shit show.

“Whatever you say Romeo.” As you walked away.

Taglist: @purple-serenity @witchiswriting

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bubblyani · 3 years

Text

The Letter

(Melvin Purvis x Reader)

A Melvin Purvis One Shot

Fandom: Public Enemies (2009) Michael Mann

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 6.6k+

Summary: The day when the FBI plans to catch John Dillinger, you finally write a letter full of undisclosed affections to Melvin Purvis, the love of your life.  

Author’s Note: Please note, this is all based on the fictionalized version of the character played by Christian Bale. It was a challenging concept but very happy with the outcome. Maybe I’m just “Bumping Gums*” but, hope y’all enjoy!!

“What are you thinking about?”

That familiar, male voice inquired. Cool yet affectionate; lingering in the darkness long enough for a female voice to hum before responding:

“Me? just things…” she began, her voice comprised of a much greater familiarity above all others, “Things I wanna say to you. I…” a chuckle arose, “It’s silly but…” she inhaled deep, “I just want to, write them down…for you”

“What?…like in a letter?”

“Uh huh!”

“Why? I’m right here” Her giggles seasoned his genuine curiousity,“It’s not the same. I…” she inevitably paused, “I’m just shy” as softness smeared over her tone. “Oh…” he decided to follow suite, “…somehow I don’t believe that” with his words exiting in the form of purrs, the two pairs of lips finally met. The kiss, it was chaste. Yet the sound remained crisp. And the shared chuckles that soon followed, were crispier. Audibly vivid at its finest.

Sheer pity, for it merely was a memory. Such a pity, for it vanished the very second your eyes dared to open.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(1934)

A heavy sigh left your lips in disappointment. Arms folded, your right index finger wandered over your silk robe, in detail. It had no other option, especially when your lips could not indulge his own, when your eyes could not indulge the only loving gaze that truly mattered. Thus, there you were, running your fingers over the silk of harsh reality. Nothing to imagine, nothing to relive.

All the while you stood, staring at the door ahead. The door from where he just left.

It was a lazy afternoon, and anxiousness had found its way deep into your bloodstream. Woken nerves, uneasy stomach, the pounding heart with great speed and clarity. Harsh reality had turned to the worse, grabbing you by the shoulders, only to force you to stare deep at it.

Face the facts, it uttered. But which part of you wanted to do so?

Though being the sole occupant in the room, your pounding heartbeat did not fail to drown your very own hearing. This feeling, you despised it, to the core. If only it would stop.

Until it finally did. But only when you spun back around in a split second. For you decided to take action on it instead.

Planting yourself firm on the wooden desk, hands were occupied in the hurried dance as drawers were pulled, and stashes of paper were grabbed and dropped out before you. But once the hands found their way to a beautiful pen inside, all actions reduced pace. Holding it with care, your eyes grew warm by the mere sight. For the pen, it was a symbol of things a many, and one in particular. The one which cost you a heavy sigh, before opening the cap and let the pen make take its course on the paper. And just like that, you finally wrote down two words. Two out of the many your heart ached to speak into existence:

Dear Mel…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The sigh that followed soon after, was relieving. It was liberating. In truth, even a smile seemed possible. Hence, your intentions were clear.

“Dear Mel…” leaning forward, you read it out with warmth. For you were prepared to permit the ink to reunite with the paper once again, and linger on a little longer:

Looks like I finally found a reason to sit down and write this letter to you. Honestly, I feel like laughing, cause I never thought I’d end up doing this.  

Chuckling to oneself, you proceeded to write:

But I know if I don’t do this now, I would regret it. Cause now I finally know you deserve to read every last bit of my thoughts and feelings. All that I have hidden for too long. Before it’s too late.

Seeing you walk out that door wasn’t anything new. But when you did it this afternoon, it felt different. My heart, it felt something. It was heavy! That’s the word. Was I worried? afraid? I don’t know. All I know was that, it was too much. Enough for me to remember your effect on me.

Those words may have been generalized, yet you were astounded by the comfort you sensed when writing them. Inhaling deep, you kept on:

You were not a man I expected to ever meet in my life, Melvin Purvis. Never for one second. Out of all the folks here in Chicago, why would we ever meet? Whatever reason it was, I am very thankful. I am very thankful I opened my door to the hallway that night.

And I am thankful for Mr. Lloyd, and for that man in the navy blue coat.

Your words, they brimmed with sincerity. Looking up from the paper, you couldn’t help but stare into the wall. It was simply inevitable. Especially when every bit of detail began to flow into your consciousness, only to unfold the memory of that fateful night in your mind.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Chick Webb’s “Blues in my Heart*” playing in the radio, certainly did not fail to mirror your heart to perfection. For the melancholia was mutual. And the dim lights illuminating the apartment in the late evening, seemed to have sealed the emotion shut.

Memorable was your deep sigh, along with warm cup of tea that rested on your hands:

“I figured he, of all people would vouch for me, but instead he just…hung up” You remembered uttering, tone enriched with sadness whilst imitating a telephone being disconnected.

“Well…” a gruff voice began, “…if I were your Old man, I would never pull that nonsense”

You looked up, to set your eyes over at your neighbor Wilmer Lloyd, sitting across from you in his pajamas. A spritely gentleman in his late seventies, Lloyd was the friend, who in time became the father figure you wished you had.

Amused by his temper filled response, You chuckled with disbelief:

“Mr. Lloyd, your daughter had to move to another city, cause you didn’t like the fella she wanted to marry” you replied, “No need for the unnecessary kindness” adding with a smile, you proceeded to take a sip of the hot beverage.

“What kindness? she is no good kid like you. She married a goon*! ” Lloyd responded in defense, leaning forward with conviction, “While your Pops is just mad cause you’re trying to be a Secretary”

“I bet you a Lincoln* that my folks rather have me marry a goon, than have me find my own way of living” you said, gulping down the rest of the tea.

“Don’t jinx it, kid” the old man grunted, his index finger pointed right at you, “I don’t wanna hate you too”

You laughed out loud. Truthfully, you were relieved to have finally did. The room felt too depressing for too long.

“Alright, kid. I’m beat” the old man sighed, pushing himself up to stand with a grunt. “Goodnight, Mr.Lloyd” You stood alongside him. The two parted ways, with you making your way over to the kitchen, and your neighbor making his way out. As if it was so habitual. For a daily chat with old Wilmer Lloyd, was indeed habitual.

Your first proper encounter with Lloyd was a special one. It was only a few months ago that you moved into Chicago. Stressful work shifts and lack of friends led to an eventual emotional breakdown one fine evening. A seemingly noticeable one, which caused the usually moody Lloyd to peep through his door, only to find you bawling your eyes out in the hallway. The sight of you kneeling before your apartment door in tears, was more than enough for his cold heart to melt, and to voice his concern. All while he helped you gather the groceries that had fallen out of your brown paper bag.

“We all gotta start somewhere, kid”

That phrase of comfort, was the invisible handkerchief that wiped your tears that day. And as you rinsed the tea cup, that phrase managed to return to your consciousness, being an invisible hand to pat you on the shoulder. Closing the tap, you sighed with relief. For you were once again thankful for the good in humanity.

Until the sound of a gunshot attacked your ears.

Clinging on to the sink with a jump, you felt your heart beat out loud, and there was no stopping. Before any was comprehended, a loud groan soon followed, originating from the Hallway. Your eyes widened. Could it be?

“Mr.Lloyd…” you breathed, as your legs finally made you dash towards the door to open. You gasped out loud, the moment you found Wilmer Lloyd sprawled on the floor, shot.

“Oh my god!…” you whispered, kneeling beside him.

But Lloyd lost your attention for a slight second, for you caught the sight of a man disappearing into the right-side stairwell. The sight was quick and blurry, yet it was evident he was armed. And one particular color was prominent as he left.

The groan repeated, forcing you to focus on Lloyd once again. Which was most important.

“A-are you alright?” A meek inquiry was all that you could do.

“WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE, KID?” The old man answered in pain, shifting. Slight relief washed over you, when you noticed he was only shot in the arm. Perhaps it was your heartbeat, or a new set of pounding footsteps nearby. Either way, the sounds grew louder from the left.

“Freeze! Chicago Police-” A voice, a male voice cried out, only to pause, causing you to look over, only to freeze.

Lowering his pistol, a well dressed man stood, surrounded by two others. All in suits and fedoras, and all seemingly alarmed by the sight of you and Lloyd.

“Is he alright, Ma’am?” The first man inquired. “I’m fine. Jesus!” Lloyd responded with annoyance. The man nodded with acknowledgement. Although there was slight embarrassment in the his face, you were simply too distracted by the cool nature of his voice.

“I know this is the wrong time but…” the man uttered, “…but did you see-”

“The shooter? ” you began all the sudden, “…in a navy blue coat? He went that way” pointing towards the right, you added. The muscles of the man’s tensed face relieved.

“Thank you, ma’am…” he breathed, before making a dash, “Boys! Take this man to the hospital” his commanding voice trailed behind him, indicating Lloyd. All before he himself disappeared into the stairwell.

And to your luck, the two able bodied youngsters knelt over the old man to do the needful. “The bullet is still inside. He’s gonna be alright, ma’am”

“Thank god! You heard him, Mr.Lloyd” you said, “Let’s go”

“Eh…” Lloyd muttered, holding the wound whilst being carried, “Not that I’m overjoyed about getting shot, but I gotta say I’m more than happy to know I’m not gonna die tonight” he grunted. To which you finally smiled behind him:

“Not in a million years…”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The sound of loud sirens shattered your trail of reminiscence. Sirens, you gasped. For they suddenly brought you worry. Was he in trouble already?

Parting from the pen and paper, your hands pushed you to rise and scurry towards the window. Except you merely saw a youngster getting his ear pulled by an angry policeman, for fiddling with the police car siren.

You clutched your chest, sighing with relief to see. The fact that daylight yet reigned supreme was also sufficient evidence for you to rationalize your new-found relief. He was safe, wherever he was.

Returning to the desk, you picked up the pen. Glancing at it with affection, you proceeded to write once more:

Because of the accident that night, I found myself meeting a man who fascinated me instantly. So , you could understand how frustrated I was when I couldn’t even thank him.

You smirked upon those words. Not soon before you continued writing:

But then again, who knew I would have the actual luck to see him again two days later? At a place where I least expected. All thanks to a Bad Customer.

Akin to a Moving Picture, or a Talkie*, that very moment began to project into your memory. All the while your index finger managed to twirl a piece of your hair with nostalgia.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Apparently it was just some low level goon. Well, at least that’s what the Police told Mr.Lloyd…when they took his statement. But I don’t buy it, no. Why would those Federal Agents be there if it was?…”

You said, tying up the white, cotton waist apron over your baby blue waitress uniform.

“Goodness! I really wouldn’t know what I would have done if I were you, Sweetpea” Cathy, your best friend replied while she followed suite.

Once the hair was fixed, the two of you headed to the kitchen, “Everyone! Look who’s changed her shift!” Cathy cried out, urging the other employees at the Diner to focus on you. There were cheers, bringing out the brightest smile in you. It was official.

Living with the Great Depression which has affected all, you were grateful even for the employment at a Diner in the city. A temp job, as you called it yourself. Until that very morning, you were assigned to the later shift and spent several weeks parted from Cathy. Fortunately, upon your boss’ satisfaction, you were finally offered the shift you always wished for: The morning shift.

You graciously used the first hour that morning for familiarization, which mainly included the customers. And that was indeed the part that fascinated you. For the customers were diverse with each shift. And the mornings were mostly welcomed by blue collar workers.

“Cathy! They’re waiting for the pancakes”  “Oh! Shoot! I’m on it”

Listening to Cathy’s response in the background, you shook your head with amusement. You watched your friend waltz over to the eagerly waiting booth. But only before you made your way to the corner of the Diner counter.

“Can I help you, Sir?” A well rehearsed phrase exited your painted lips with politeness. A young man was the current owner to the corner seat. “A refill” the blonde haired drawled, indicating his empty, white mug on the counter. “Right away” “Thanks, Sweetheart” he replied, whilst the sound of the black coffee being poured, filled your ears. A group of eyes watched you from another corner. It was certain. And sure enough, your stealthy eyes caught the sight of some men sat across the diner. All sniggering. “Ya know…” the Blondie continued as he leaned forward, “my boys over there…” he indicated the suspicious group, “…they don’t believe me but, I think you’re one fine girl, sweeter than sugar” he said, flashing a flirtatious smile. “Oh, really?” You inquired with a polite chuckle. “Cross my heart, I hope to die” He was handsome, yes. But he was the handsome you never wanted. The type of handsome that could also break your heart. Besides, his attempt of seduction was misdirected, “So…um…” leaning closer, he began to whisper, “Care to help me prove the boys wrong? Like with a date? Or even a kiss? ” He inquired, his suggestive eyebrows being quite evident.

Oh, that fool, you thought. If you were at liberty to throw your head back in laughter, you would without any hesitation. Yet, it would not be appropriate.

“Ah! I’m sorry Sir, but I’m working” you replied.

“Aww come on!” He groaned, to which you shook your head and took a step back.

“Sorry Sir-Ah!” Except he grabbed you tight by the wrist. And displeasure was the mask he wore.

“Hey now, is that the way you treat your regulars here?” He inquired, increasing volume. Confused and very violated, your heart rate began to speed up. You sensed a threat.

“Let go, Sir!” You muttered in desperate politeness. Yet he did not.

“Why?” He sniggered, amidst your struggle to break free, “Whatcha gonna do, sugar?”

“I believe the lady asked you to let go”

That voice. A voice you could identify. A voice that forced you and Blondie to turn heads. Your eyes widened. Dressed smart and completed with his Fedora, the FBI agent from two nights ago stood before you both. Authoritative yet graceful, he sighed: “Pardon me for intruding, but I know a Regular won’t harass a waitress this way” he said in a casual tone, to which Blondie stood up:  “Yeah?” He snarled, offended, “How would YOU know about being Regulars, smart ass?” “Cause I am one” The Agent answered, before missing Blondie’s surprise punch, only to twist his arm within seconds.

Cries of pain erupted from the young man’s lips, until he was pulled close by the agent. You watched him whisper some words to Blondie’s ear, all before he finally released him. Confidence was nowhere nearby when the blonde man stashed some cash onto the counter, and stumbled towards his group of boys with fear.

You suddenly heard Cathy’s sigh of relief nearby:  “Oh, Thank god you’re here, Mr.Purvis” She said to the Agent, “You just saved my friend” she motioned towards you.

Finally you had the liberty to observe him. Tall and lean with sharp facial features, he possessed the handsome that comforted you. The handsome that formed potential in you. The handsome that attracted you. Sitting on the now empty seat, he flashed you a cool smile: “Melvin Purvis” he said, “I believe we haven’t had the pleasure…” It seemed he did remember you. You smiled back. “No, we haven’t…” you replied with softness, as you held up the pot, “Coffee?”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

And who knew the man that fascinated me, would be you?

I am not ashamed to say, I was over the moon to see you again, Mel. Seeing you for only a few seconds in the hallway, clearly wasn’t enough for me. I was greedy. So greedy I was afraid to admit. But the moment I realized that corner seat in the counter was your usual spot, I knew my greed was not in vain. I was greedy, to get to know someone so badly. So, when you saved me from Blondie, you also saved yourself a spot in my heart. I just didn’t know it at that moment.

But I do remember when I finally did.

When one serves a regular customer long enough, certain facts become known. Be it their usual breakfast order, their favorite beverage, or the guilty pleasure one indulges once in a while. But apart from that, conversation comes into play as well.

I don’t think you knew how happy you made me every time we talked, even while you had your Eggs and Toast. Whatever it was, I enjoyed them all. All topics, from about the mouthy janitor, to the famous FBI cases, which were solved or ongoing. But I was also happy when you also had the time for me, to know about my crazy stories about customers in the late shift, or even just about myself. Which surprised me the most.

You finally became aware of the smile you wore throughout writing. Though you managed to relax your facial muscles, the smile remained at default. Thus, you kept on with your words:

Mel, you made me look forward to work everyday. And that was one huge favor. Waitressing was never this girl’s dream. Another job was. And you know what.

“I know…” you remember saying, as you wiped the Diner counter, “Secretary, A Nice Office…Even my own folks think it’s a silly dream for a girl like me-”

“That doesn’t mean its your truth” Mel, your calm, unfazed reply, those words shook me. You were right. You made me feel braver. You made me want to work harder. You made me feel like anything was possible. And that was when, I finally saw that special spot you had in my heart. Oh Mel, it felt like an earthquake in here. I was affected. I couldn’t even sleep that night. Cause that spot of yours made me realize, I had fallen for you. Fallen in love with you.

Placing your left palm over your chest, it did not take you long to relive that magical feeling whilst you wrote:

Suddenly, I couldn’t look you in the eye anymore. And I’m sorry for that. I may have looked busy with customers for some days, but that was me struggling. I was at a war with myself. A constant battle with my eyes to not care for you more, a battle with my lips to not tell you, how much I pined for you.

But as you remember, I finally did.

And the morning when you did, felt to be a landmark of your bravery.

Upon serving his breakfast, you retreated to the kitchen with haste. The fact you did not even acknowledge Melvin’s usual “Thank you” proved strangeness. Generally, when employees were seen standing at the back entrance of the Diner, one would expect them to be occupied with a personal matter, or even have a smoke break. Except, you simply longed for a break from him.

Seeing Purvis was torture. And that morning felt more torturous than ever. Your desire for him multiplied with every single visit.

Rubbing your forearms to fight off the spring chill, You took a deep breath. What was that you feared? Confessing your feelings? Or the mere possibility of being refused?

“What are you doing? Out here in the cold?” You gasped, looking up to find Melvin standing before you.

“I-” you paused, as Melvin took off his long coat, and slung it over your shoulder with no hesitation. A warmth protected you all the sudden. Was it the coat? Or was it him?

“Are you unwell?” He inquired. You shook your head, not taking too long to finally settle your eyes on his. And there it was: the speeding pulse, the torture, the multiplication of desire. Eyes growing wider with concern upon your speechless look, Melvin shot glances at both directions with stealth: “Is anyone bothering y-”

Only to be intruded by your lips pressed against his.

Oh, Mel! What did you do to me?

With a deep shudder, you kept writing: Why did your lips taste like the sweetest pie in all the world? I’m sorry if my ink turns messy here. It’s just that thinking about it, I just hope my heart won’t burst and bleed. Tasting that sweetness, I was ready to risk it all. Ready to accept the worst fear to come true.

You had a fair point. Especially when his lips remained unmoved throughout your kiss. Which forced you to move back quick, and blush with embarrassment: “I-I’m sorry…” you blurted, struggling with one’s movements as you handed over his coat back and turned to leave.  “No! please…” Melvin breathed, stopping you with his hand on your shoulder, “I’m sorry…” he stressed, “I suppose I was just caught by surprise” with a chuckle soon after. “Believe me, it wasn’t planned” you chuckled alongside him, relaxing a little. “Although I was hoping…” he began, “If I could take you to dinner one night…” Your eyes widened, but your heart bloomed.

But life was kind enough to gift me a date instead. A date with the best man I know.

“Yes! You can…” you answered immediately, “And please…no need to call me Ma’am anymore, Mr. Purvis” you smiled. To which he smiled back with a hint of mischief, which seemed surprising for the 30 year old Agent:

“Then, there’s no need to call me Mr. Purvis anymore either”

A date that I had always dreamt about. Not with a boy, but with a real gentleman. It had come true. Were you reading my thoughts this entire time?

Bashful giggles erupted from your lips upon writing. It was a date to remember :The fancy restaurant, the fine dining, the stimulating conversation basked in soft jazz and candlelight. Watching and taking in every fine line that adorned his beautiful, statuesque face brought you pride.

Sitting with you, getting lost in our own world, it was no doubt that I was the luckiest woman in the entire restaurant that night.

“I had a wonderful time, Mel. Thank you” Your words were enveloped with warmth and sincerity.

It was late, and Melvin had brought you back home like the gentleman he was. Opening the car door for you, he surprised you with just a smile, no other reply. Which forced you to raise your eyebrows, evidently confused. Could it be that he did not share the exact sentiments as you? Were you not the woman he hoped for by the end of the night? Insecurity began to bubble up within.

“What?” You inquired with a nervous chuckle, “All night you were yapping away, but now suddenly cat got your tongu-”

He gently pushed you against the car. Just so his gracious hands could cup your face, and just so he could plant his lips on yours.

And I was also the luckiest woman in the neighborhood, when you finally kissed me right back.

Sweetness infused with softness, you needed not permission to be fueled with greed at last. For greed finally permitted you to wrap one’s arms around his neck, only to pull him closer. Those lips of his, they had tempted you from the very first moment. And when they finally voluntarily expressed their affection, you were more than ecstatic.

Mel, your kisses were magic. They made me wish if I had all the power in the world to slow down time.

And I felt the very same, when we finally made love that night.

That night, that mere memory. You would be lying if it did not manage to send chills down your spine.

Invitation for a nightcap was your only shameless excuse. For not a single cell of your being, wanted him to leave your sight. Not when he had lit up a flame of desire in you, a few minutes prior. You silently cursed all the passerby’s who forced you both to pull away from the kisses. The kisses that he started by the car. But what could you do? You were surrendered to the laws of love.

Thus, the mere act of turning on the Crosley* Radio, became an involuntary act of seduction. Rudy Vallee’s “If I had a Girl like You*” filtering out from the speakers, gave life to the entire apartment. And it did ever the same to you, tempting you to sway your body from side to side. But your body felt so much vigor, when Melvin gave up on patience, only to hold you by the waist, spin you around just so his hungry lips could taste yours once again.

Melvin kissed you, and you kissed him. Slow, articulate, these lips were making up for every day they did not touch one another. All those days full of remorse.

Thus, began a dance between the two lovers. Heated, passionate. A dance consisting of choreography that had existed within all of mankind. Did not matter if it was carrying you bridal style to the bed, or placing you on to the bed without a sound much louder than a mattress squeak, either way, Melvin’s presence exuded safety.

Pleasure and excitement were in a fiery alliance when you savored shedding every piece of clothing off his torso. Never once did you think seeing many layers would bring you so much arousal. Especially when his eyes had nowhere else to look but at you during. His eyes, they burned with desire. And you would be unfaithful to your honesty if you denied the loins that burned within you as a result. For it was evident how much you longed for him. How the hunger led you to provide him the attention he truly deserved with your touch and kisses.

Dressed, he was smart, authoritative. Undressed, he was god-like. And to hear his soft moans amidst your attention was a gift. A gift that aroused you further. Yet before your eager hands could fondle his hardened shaft, he flipped you with impatience to focus on you instead. His kisses were other-worldly, making sweet contact on your soft, naked skin, creating waves of untold pleasure whenever he peeled off each piece of lingerie. Naked you may have been finally, yet you were more than ecstatic with the new outfit you wore: him. The infusion of soft music, sounds of lovers moans and kisses while the bedsheets rustled, were indeed sweeter than nectar. Tantalizing enough for him to finally enter you. Arousing enough for you to accept him. Resulting in unity, love making, deeming soft as the moonlight that shone into the bedroom. Soft, yet impactful that every second remained carved in your mind fresh, like it was yesterday.

Oh Mel, how did your touch made me weak, but gave me power at the same time? How did you make every second of it worthwhile?

You wrote with a sigh, blushes occupying your cheeks. Not before you cleaned up your ink stained fingers, caused by your thoughts of pure distraction.

Why did you get me addicted to your loving? But most importantly, why were you the perfection I dreamt of all along?

Breathless, you would be lying if it did not take you a while to regain your senses. Re-reading the previous sentence written, you proceeded to give the letter further life:  

After that night, I wanted shout out loud from the rooftops full of happiness, I wanted to tell the entire city, no! The entire world of my blessing: My blessing to have a wonderful man like you, Mel.

The simple truth: that was all that it was. And not long since you and Melvin had gotten together, life was suddenly drizzled with an extra dose of joy. An extra dose of encouragement and hope. Work went better for the both of you. Even Mr. Lloyd managed to re-meet him, but this time with more familiarity and respect. Given his interaction with the Agent, it was evident the the older man had offered his blessing and approval, which meant more to you than anything.

Since then my life was bliss, Mel. With you by my side, I knew I could take on anything.

Except, you drew in a sharp breath with a heavy heart.

All until J Edgar Hoover declared those fateful words to America: War on Crime. John Dillinger.

The heaviest sigh left your pursed lips. For a surge of concern was powerful enough to consume you.

Believe me, Mel. Seeing you get promoted to Special Agent in Charge of the Chicago Field Office, it brought me nothing but joy. Seeing you in the papers, I was the most proud anywhere I went. But with that pride, and with that joy, I was also afraid. How could I not be, when you were assigned to catch Dillinger, Public Enemy No. 1?

How could I not think of the risk you had on your life? So afraid for you that it didn’t strike with me that we didn’t see each other for so long after.

Though you were out of sighs, your heart remained heavy with the thought. It was true, soon after his men’s lives were affected by Dillinger and his gang, Melvin did not set foot in your apartment nor in your neighborhood. And surprisingly, you did not feel betrayed. Not one bit.

When you phoned me that one time, I could tell in your voice. I could tell the weight you had on your shoulders. The burden, the responsibility, the guilt.

And to me, it didn’t matter I couldn’t see you everyday anymore. It didn’t matter that I had a hard time missing you or thinking about you. Be it at the diner, the streets, the park, the living room and the bedroom. It didn’t matter to me that I had to pretend my life had nothing to do with yours. All I wanted was for this nightmare to end: to stop the unnecessary deaths of innocent lives. All I wanted was for you to be safe. And I knew you could do it all. Without complicating things.

Thus, when someone knocked on your door a few hours ago today, your fear was justified. You remembered standing by the door, arms folded, only to feel your heart beat out of your chest. And when those loud, rapid knocks attacked the wooden door, you could not help but wonder: Could it possibly be one of Dillinger’s men? Another shooter perhaps? Were they aware of Melvin’s connection with you? Were you about to be leverage?

But to your surprise, you opened the door regardless. Clutching your chest, you could only gasp.

But I never thought you’d suddenly come crashing in this afternoon.

For there stood Melvin Purvis, Fedora at hand, heavy panting accompanied.

Never so soon.

“You were not at the Diner” he said in a hoarse tone, still panting. “I-I took a day off” you answered, with wide eyes,“Mel…” you gulped, taking a step forward “What’s wron-” To which he could only reply with rough kisses, slamming the door shut behind him.

And being in his arms again after possibly endless days and nights, you were certain you did not wish to be anywhere else.

It was as if fate urged me to stay home today, just so I wouldn’t miss your hungry kisses. Just so I wouldn’t miss your love. Something I craved for what felt like forever.

Longing translated into desperate kisses, where tongues wrestled in haste. And passionate lovemaking rushed in soon after. The type of passionate, that demanded every item of clothing make quick stops in different parts of the apartment, only to lead a trail to the bed. The type of passionate, that had his eager hands wander over your naked back, before palming your heaving breasts with impatience. All the while you straddled him, with your hips rolling against his. The type of passionate, that tempted you to gaze into his shining eyes. For they spoke to you, even in silence. How he treasured you, how he savored you, his eyes said it all. And with your responding kiss brimming with moans and emotion, you acknowledged his silent confession, you satisfied his hunger, and accepted his peak of pleasure. All until a new climax was reached together, before collapsing on to the bed with exhaustion.

“Mel…” you panted, sweat further infusing with his, “You still didn’t tell me what’s going on…”

It was only a few minutes later, did Melvin began to speak. Only then were you able to find out about the mission that would happen tonight. The mission to finally catch Dillinger. And as if the floodgates just opened, he kept talking. And all you could do was nod, as he continued to cradle you in his arms.

Little did I know, you came to me in possibly the most fateful day ever.

“You think it will work? The plan?” You inquired, soft. His responsive hum vibrated in his chest. “The source is solid…” he replied, “So…we’re betting on it”

Lifting your head up, you looked at him. Truthfully you could not help but feel sorry. There was a hint of exhaustion in his tone. How far did this man go to make this mission a reality? How many men were sacrificed in the process? Death of many men including Carter Baum, his own partner. Feeling useless, you knew you could only offer him a reassuring soft smile:

“Then it will…” you murmured, placing a chaste kiss on his forehead. His skin seemed magnetic to your lips, causing you to proceed with more kisses. Over his eyebrows, bridge of his nose, and finally his lips, the best place of all. With another greedy peck, you pulled yourself away and sat up. With the afternoon breeze playfully caressing your exposed frame, you were tempted to reach out and grab your silk robe tossed on the edge of the bed, which you did.

“I hope you know I couldn’t risk seeing you, with Dillinger’s men on the loose”

Melvin began. Looking back, you nodded with nonchalance. “Of course…” Wrapping the robe around, your answer was as casual as taking a diner order, “I understand” you added meek, looking down at the knot.

“But…that doesn’t mean I was never here”

You froze. With wide eyes, you looked up at his sitting frame. “What do you mean?” You blurted. Only to gasp, “You-w-were you-?”

Melvin nodded, “Every night around bedtime, from the street…looking at THAT window…” he said, indicating the very window in your bedroom. If only you could just tell him how your heart just began to melt after possibly weeks. If only you were capable of an embrace that told every fiber of his being how moved you were by him. Melvin sighed, running his fingers through his hair:

“I just had to make sure you were safe…” he said, “But today, I…” he paused, “I couldn’t stay away”

“And neither should you…” you replied in an instant, cupping his face, “….you’re only human” you continued with a sigh, “It’s been too long, Mel” your voice grew softer, “ And I missed you” uttering weakly, you proceeded to press your forehead against his. And like that, you both stayed, indulging in the silence with the most innocent physical contact possible.

“This mission…” Melvin began, his warm breath falling on your face, “If I make it out alive-” “Mel, you WILL make it out aliv-” you breathed, before he placed his fingers over your lips.

“If I make it…I’m yours”

He whispered, forcing you to freeze once again. Overwhelming emotion seemed to have frozen you with disbelief, when his sharp features unveiled the softest smile, “As a man, I want to do what’s right for the people” he said, holding your chin, “ I want do what’s right for my heart. And I wanna do it all with you, by my side, always”

And in the blink of an eye, you left through that door, hours before our lives could possibly change forever.

No wonder you made love to me, as if it was your last.

Sniffing, you placed a loving kiss on the pen. For it was the pen Melvin once gifted you with. The pen he hoped you would use when you finally become a secretary. And it did not take long for you to wipe the tears that streamed down your cheeks in silence. What will happen tonight, at the Biograph Theater will end in either two ways. And all you could do was to pray for one in particular. Pray for the one you desperately needed. With another final sniff, you continued to write, until you found yourself finally finishing off the letter you never imagined yourself writing. You wrote your heart out, which left you no regrets:

Before I end this letter, I want to ask you a question.

Do you remember when I was helping you put your tie back on, minutes before you left?

When I did, I felt something. Something warm, something nice. And I won’t lie, I enjoyed it. Cause in the end, it gave me the feeling you always gave me from the moment I met you: Hope. But today, that hope was also protected by a layer of love. A strong layer. To be able to put your tie on possibly every day, would be an honor I’d wear like a badge for life.

Mel, you WILL make it out alive. You and your men, you WILL get it done. Because this letter will be waiting for you. Because I will be waiting for you.

Ready to have more hope, ready to do more good, ready to live our truth, by your side, always.

With love,

Yours forever…

——————————————————

Glossary of 1930′s Terms/Slang Bumping Gums* - 1930’s Slang for “Talk about nothing useful” Blues in my Heart* - Jazz song by Chick Webb and his Orchestra recorded in 1931 Goon*- 1930’s Slang for thug or bodyguard Lincoln*- 1930’s Slang for $5 bill Talkies*- 1930’s Slang for Movies Crosley*- A Radio Brand famous in the 1930’s If I had a girl like you*- Jazz song by Rudy Vallee, recorded in 1930

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